#i mean just last week i was getting harassed and sent death threats just bc i spoke out against something i thought was wrong

[zarovich]

i really do feel like a disappointment a lot. my health is so bad recently that i stopped taking my meds for a month and a half and ive only been back on them for a week. and i have now started taking 3 of them out of like... 10 total. i havent taken them in 3 days tho. im too afraid to take them, let alone all of them. bc of my health i end up getting sick a lot and cant keep anything down. ffs, i ended up in the er 3 times and almost had to go last night but i was unable to. im just scared and i feel bad for being this way. idk if it would be too much to ask for words of encouragement, hell, i feel guilty for even asking

#personal #dont rb #emeto tw #i cant even drink alot of water so im constantly dehydrated #so much has been happening for me recently #my dad had to go to the er yesterday too bc he couldve had another heart attack #ed tw #self harm tw #im think about relapsing into my ed and self harm but im trying not to #im not doing any better mentally im just trying to not be negative bc i know its not good for me but my brain is so so mean #i mean just last week i was getting harassed and sent death threats just bc i spoke out against something i thought was wrong #sure it may not affect me much but that shit is draining as hell to see multiple times a day #ugh whatever i just needed to vent #i doubt anyone has read all of this but if you have thanks #but yeah ig if youve read all this i realy could need some comforting words rnn bc ive been shaking uncontrollably for the last week or so #due to the anxiety #i dont really want to burden anyone anymore than i already have esp the ones im close to

[trashy-greyjoy]

Bob 32.5 and Sam 29.3. It's the same nightmare again lol. The BC moment is dropping too. I didn't check the other polls but we need to keep voting!! BC fans are now focused on the fandom poll but what's the point of winning that if we lose the others? Also, it's really hard to vote against CL and I feel ppl are losing time when they could be vote for Bob. Tbh winning the best fandom just means you're the fandom with more free time so I'd rather bob to win than to have 1 award for us

ok, the bc moment is still at 51% and the second closest one is at 12% so i don’t think we have to worry about losing that one.

bob is actually up higher than he has been in the last week. he was floating around at 25-29% for the first week, so he’s actually improved recently.

literally every poll is about who has more free time, that’s how you win polls… bob winning would mean the same thing, that his fans are more dedicated and have more time to vote so like i don’t get what you mean.

my point for voting in the best fandom vote isn’t even because i want bellarke to win, if another fandom like sense8 or the 100 show was up higher than us i’d vote for them to win against the cl fandom. 

my point is that i don’t want to see the fandom that send me messages telling me i was faking my sexuality and giving me detailed instruction on how i should kill myself win a poll for “best fucking fandom”. people that tried to get their own show canceled and sent the cast and crew of their own show death threats don’t deserve that title.

i have been switching between voting for the close polls (best fandom and best actor / actress) for past couple of hours. if you don’t want to “waste your time” voting for bellarke in the best fandom poll you don’t have to you can not for bob, but i’m splitting my time between all of them because I’m not letting gross people that harass me on a daily basis and treat me like shit be praised for it.

#not being rude but you can vote for all the polls if you want #I'm voting in each by the hour and switching #they're all close #but I'm a bitter petty bitch and I'm not just gonna let them win