#i mean we have only spoken like… idk twice since last august but like never more than one text each lol like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-odd-eye-circle · 4 years

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Felt Sad Lately

I’m just posting this to get this off my chest really. Used tumblr as a personal diary back in the day, so I guess I’ll just continue rolling with that.

So backstory: Me and K (we’ll call him that) met back in high school. He’s a year below me. Instant crush lol. Dark hair, tall, glasses. Completely my type (still is). He’s really cute and one of the only guys that treated me with respect. Talked here and there in class and I considered us friends at the time. Too scared to go out with him and didn’t want to potentially ruin anything so nothing came of it the last 3 years of high school. Been with 1 guy and talked to others after I graduated, but K was always at the back of my mind no matter what. Like I never forgot him no matter how much I tried. Idk what that means or if it even has a meaning...

Fast forward to May 11, 2019: He added me and reached out to me on fb. Was really excited as I haven’t seen or spoken to him since I left. Basically admitted he liked me back in high school and I told him the same thing. We talked for a few days or so just catching up, and he later ghosted. I was devastated because I realized my feelings never went away and I thought it was something I said that made him not want to talk to me. I reached out in June (2) asking if it was something I did but he claimed nothing was wrong. Tried talking to him and he never read or responded so I gave up (looking back I shouldn’t of bothered) and just kinda went on with my life.

Fast forward again to July 14, 2020. He reached out again and apologized for ghosting. I’ll admit I wasn’t expecting to hear from him again like ever. I appreciated his apology, and just like last time we talked and caught up. He said he ghosted because he got really scared talking to me, which is a weird excuse but I’ll take it lol. We actually ended up going out later that month (July 20). With covid being around, we didn’t do much other than drive, talk and listen to music, but I enjoyed every minute of it. I’m the type of person where we could do nothing and I’d have fun lol. He’s probably even more attractive now than he was in high school. So you could imagine how I felt...

After our date, I realized my feelings were still there. I even told him before the date how I was unsure based off just talking (I was also afraid of a repeat of the year prior), but after going out it’ll be more clear (which it was). He seemed interested in going out again and we had stuff planned but because of our opposite work schedules, we never got to set a second date. I got excited because he seemed genuinely interested, as I was too. I haven’t been this happy in a really long time.

Well fast forward again to end of July, early August. He said school was starting soon and he didn’t have much time for anything -- I completely understood. I get how stressful things are with school/college with the covid changes. I was willing to wait for him until things calmed down because I was under the impression that we’d pick up where we left off. The way he said it made it sound like he still was interested, so I still tried talking to him. But this is when he kept leaving me on read or given me 1-2 word responses. I knew it was happening again and it’s like I wish he was more straight forward with it instead of lying about it. ;/

I do have a theory that he probably met someone else and threw me off to the side but he never said anything nor do I have proof so I can’t really say. ;/ Obviously we weren't exclusive so he could do whatever he wanted so I understand, but I ignored everybody to talk to him so idk just wish he had the same energy or at least could admit to it, that’s all.

End of August rolls around and we’ve maybe “talked” like twice the whole month. He claims we’re friends even now, but idk something seemed weird. I was sick of wondering if this was still happening or if I should try to move on again, so I messaged him asking what the heck he was thinking and feeling, and admitted mine. I didn’t expect a reply but I wanted him to know where my mind was at. He replied and said “No not interested just really busy”. I was disappointed because I liked him so much but at the same time I was appreciative that he told me. I’d be more angry honestly if he didn’t say anything like the last time.

I’ve been ghosted by every guy I’ve spoken to. Been given no specific reasons even after I asked. I’ve ghosted a different guy once, but only because he wouldn’t accept rejection. K was the first to actually respond back even if I did kind of have to force it out of him. It means a lot to me even though my heart did hurt aha.

Since then I haven’t spoken to him and his birthday is today so I’m wondering if I should even bother. As much as he says we’re “just friends” I still feel like it might seem I’m bugging him or something. I feel weird about it but like I also still think about him? I’m just super confused on my feelings like it’s gotta be more than a crush but it feels weird saying love as we haven’t had many interactions.

I have this weird thought that he’ll probably reach out in a year again and repeat the same cycle. 🙄 He had 2 chances and idk who’s more at fault comparing me and him, but it fucked it up both times and I really don’t want my heart shattered a third time for the same reason lol. I do believe if things are truly meant to be he’ll be back but for all I know I might not be available.

As a weird side note idk how much I believe in astrology and zodiac compatibility, but apparently he’s a Virgo and I’m a Sagittarius and uh..I looked it up and as romantic partners they don’t mix LOL but they make good friends. I should maybe take that as a sign...

Dating these days is just frustrating like I honestly give up lol.

#text #personal #crush #diary #high school #k #virgo #sagittarius #cries my life #love #2020 #dating

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lizziethereader · 5 years

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a bunch of 11 questions tags

I was tagged in a few 11 question tags over the last few weeks and am finally getting around to them. I hope you don’t mind me putting them all together in one masterpost under the cut.

thank you so much for tagging me @anassarhenisch, @thereadingchallengechallenge, @books-are-portals, @maddie-mux and @bibliophilecats! I really do appreciate getting tagged even though it takes me a while to doing the tags.

I’ll put my own questions and the people I’m tagging up here and the answers to all your questions under the cut ;)

my questions:

1. What are you looking forward to most when it comes to the upcoming holidays? (whichever holiday you want to refer to) 2. Have you been to a concert lately? Which one? 3. Which piece of media (book, movie, video, etc.) are you looking forward to consuming next? 4. If someone wrote a fictionalized (and heavily embellished) novel of your life, which genre would you like it to be? 5. What’s the last song you had stuck in your head? 6. What’s the weather currently like where you are? 7. How many open tabs in a browser is too many? (asking for a friend) 8. Are you good with money? (if so, teach me your ways!) 9. What’s the coolest thing a teacher of yours has ever done? (I wanna become the cool teacher, so I need to do some research, haha) 10. If money, space and time didn’t matter, which animal would you like to have? 11. Share a random fact about yourself! (please?)

I’m tagging @bookvoyage, @lilymaidofgallifrey, @dreamingofreadinggoals, @aliteraryprincess, @flamingmirrorbookish, @the-forest-library, @manuscripts-dontburn and @thelivebookproject (no pressure though) and anyone who just feels like doing this, of course!

sooo, let’s get crackin!

here’s @anassarhenisch‘s questions:

1. Celtic rock, yes or no?

I have honestly never listened to it... I’m not averse to give it a try though!

2. What’s the last book you quit reading? quit as in abandoned? I don’t really do that... The last book I finished reading was ‘Big Mouth and Ugly Girl’ by Joyce Carol Oates

3. What’s your favourite fall activity? baking and drinking cider! (yes you can do that all year round, but it just feels cozy, right?)

4. Do you believe in ghosts? I’m probably a ghost agnostic. I don’t know if they exist but I’m not saying they don’t

5. When’s the last time you went to a circus or carnival? There’s this big children’s festival in my town for two weekends every August and there’s always a circus, too. They did a special performance for all the volunteers who help with the festival and I went to that. So, long story short, like 2 months ago?

6. What does your favourite shirt look like? hmmm good question. If we’re talking about T-shirts then it’s probably my Portal shirt.

7. Do you like eating fish? hahaha, not at all actually! I rarely meet other people who don’t. But yeah, I actually don’t like any seafood.

8. Who’s your favourite artist? oh man, this is a very difficult one! I’m not sure I can name a favorite. I like just being in awe of a piece of art (be it a painting, piece of music or something else) and I wouldn’t say I have one person I like better than all the others. Sorry for the lame answer!

9. Do you have any celebrity connections? none whatsoever (that I know of)

10. Are you a sports fan? only equestrian sports and even then I don’t need to see every event there is. But I do enjoy watching the occasional tournament

11. How comfortable are you embarrassing yourself in public? NOT AT ALL. Good thing I became a teacher then, eh? :P

next up: @thereadingchallengechallenge‘s questions:

What are you currently reading? I just started reading Children of Blood and Bone!

Favourite snack? I can’t pick just one, so: popcorn, macadamia nuts, chocolate covered raisins and all things chocolate :D

Do you set yourself a reading list or pick books by mood? half/half. I have some types of books to read each month (1 poetry book, 1 classic, 1 nonfiction book) and then choose one of those based on my mood. And then I randomly select 3 books from my tbr. Those are always a surprise!

Have you travelled anywhere so far this year? Yup. I went to Germany 2 times (to a theme park), flew to London for book shopping and musicals twice, and went to Budapest with two friends for a weekend

Reading anything spooky before Halloween? Not really. I’m not a spooky books (or movies) person.

Binge watching anything at the moment? I just finished binge watching Star Trek Discovery yesterday but I’m sure I’ll find something new soon.

Who’s the author you’ve read most? Douglas Coupland, apparently

What’s your favourite season and why? Spring! Everything is getting warmer and greener again, my depression gets better and things are just generally looking up (usually)

Are you looking forward to any new releases? I don’t think I’m waiting for anything at the moment...

What’s a quote you love? “No, we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars” from Oscar Wilde’s Lady Windermere's Fan

Recommend a book? With pleasure! It Devours! by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor

then we have @books-are-portals‘s questions:

1. First thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “waffles”? the amaaaaazing waffles at my town’s children’s festival each year. Also Leslie Knope

2. Have you ever knitted anything? What was it? When we learned to knit in school I knitted a scarf but I haven’t knitted anything since and I’m not sure I still could

3. What’s been the weirdest book you’ve enjoyed? idk, what’s a weird book? Welcome to Night Vale is purposefully weird, if that counts? I’m not sure I’ve read any proper weird books...

4. Pick a random book from your shelf and recommend a film based on that book. book: Tin Man by Sarah Winman - movie: Third Star (totally different storyline, but similar vibe, maybe?)

5. Top 5 clothing items. - not really clothing but my riding boots (I love them. They fit me perfectly and weirdly give me so much confidence??) - my new Pikeur breeches (yup, riding stuff again) - the black business dress I graduated in (both High School and university) - my Dirndl (you gotta have one if you’re Austrian :P ) - my (fake) leather jacket because it makes me feel cool not sure this is an accurate list since I don’t really think about clothes much...

6. Name the first song that comes to your mind based on your current read. Why that song? hmm, I’m only 50 pages into my new book, this is very difficult! maybe ‘Battles’ by Hudson Taylor? The lyrics just seem to fit and I have a feeling the book will be harrowing, which the song definitely is.

7. Would you rather visit the Moon or Mars? I kind of want to go to Mars and see if Curiosity Rover is alright.

8. What’s your favourite scent? top three: freshly cut grass, new tires (I know, this one is weird), and the smell of tress like cedar, fir, and pine

9. What’s the last thing you ate? Was it good? kinder Schoko Bons and YES.

10. Name 3 positive things you’re good at. don’t do this to me! uhmmmmm reading? singing? maybe cuddling cats?

11. What’s the strangest word from your first language(s)? Well, I don’t really know what would be strange to you but I’m really fond of ‘oida’. It’s sort of an exclamation that can be used in a lot of different ways and its meaning depends on how you say it. So it could mean you’re really disappointed, angry, shocked, disbelieving or it could just mean something like ‘dude’. I love it and use it way too often considering it’s sort of lower class slang, I guess.

aaaand here’s @maddie-mux‘s questions:

1. First fictional crush? I’m not entirely sure. Maybe Ziegenpeter from Heidi? :’D

2. 11 authors (dead or alive) who you would want to spend a night in a haunted house with? oh no, that’s a) way too many people and b) not something I would ever want to do

3. Kiss, Marry, Kill - authors I don’t really feel qualified to answer this. I don’t really get into people as much as I get into their characters and fictional universes. Doing this with real people feels weird, too, because I don’t want to do any of those actions with anyone.... I’m sorry to cop out of yet another of your questions!

4. One author whose books you automatically buy, of no matter what? either of the Green brothers

5. Favourite fictional place? maybe Night Vale? But not because I want to live there, just because it’s so wacky.

6. Kiss, Marry, Kill - characters this one is easier! kiss: Poet from Trick (before he is spoken for, of course, I’m not a home-wrecker!) marry: farmer Oak from Far From the Madding Crowd kill: there’s so many to choose from! but I really really hate Aaron from The Knife of Never Letting Go!!

7. Favourite place to read? on the go

8. 11 characters who you’d take for an eternity on a tropical island? nope nope nope - there’s nobody I would want to spend eternity with

9. Hands down, all time favourite book and why? you should be ashamed of yourself! you know most readers can’t answer this question :P (well, I can’t anyway)

10. Favourite fictional nonhuman animal character? is it too basic to say Black Beauty?

11. Fiction or nonfiction? both! I read more fiction, but I wouldn’t want to live without nonfiction in my life!

last but not least, @bibliophilecats‘ questions:

Your favourite word from your first language. I’m gonna use one of my previous answers for that and say ‘oida’ just because it’s so fun and versatile. Do you know ‘oida’ in your part of Germany?

And your favourite word in any language. Not sure I’d pinpoint it as an absolute favorite, but I quite like ‘alas’ because it sort of embodies my view of life, haha

Name 5 positive things about yourself. 5?? It took me 10 minutes to come up with 3 for one of the questions above! Unbelievable... - I try my best to keep an open mind - I try to also get my students to do this - but I also like to question things - I’m not blind to my shortcomings - and I do want to become a better person, though I need to put more effort into it

And now 3 things you are good at (I kept that one from @books-are-portals list because self-love is important) I am NOT coming up with more because I am absolutely unable to do so. Sorry! (yes, I have issues, I know)

What’s your “Patronus”-memory, i.e. the happiest moment in your life? ooooh good one! maybe the day I got my degree and graduated from university. (because leading up to this point my mental health was so bad I wasn’t sure I’d live to see that day...)

Recommend a book which you think I should read. maybe ‘Welcome to Night Vale’ or ‘It Devours!’?

Do you set yourself a reading list or pick books by mood? both! see above for a more detailed answer

Did you make friends on tumblr that you met (or want to meet) in real life? I would love to meet quite a few of you! (sadly I haven’t, yet)

Last book you read that was completely outside your normal reading preference. Why did you pick it up and did you like it? Probably the Kite Runner? I picked it up because sooo many people and many of my friends love it. I, however, did not.

Favourite christmas book? I haven’t read many so far, but Dash and Lily’s book of Dares!!

Favourite christmas movie? I’ve always loved Miracle on 34th street but I haven’t rewatched it in years so I don’t know if it hold up

#tag thingy #huge 11 questions tag masterpost #haha #thank you for tagging me!!!

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vaarulvarchive · 7 years

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RULES: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose some other people to play!

TAGGED BY: stolen from @ofanimagi bc i want more stuff to do as i procrastinate TAGGING: dude as before, see this, wanna do it? g’head ;D

LAST…

[1] drink: fanta orange [2] phone call: it was either jack or samantha last night... can’t remember which one was first! [3] text message: something from jack [4] song you listened to: demons by frank turner [5] time you cried: ahahah fuck literally thursday night in work it was The Worst

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: idk what counts here tbh uhm... i mean tbh, i’ve never actually been on a date-- unless we count ‘date nights’ with people i’ve been in relationships with uh?? but been in relationship with someone, stopped, then started again? yikes uhm. yes. i’ve been very guilty in the past of getting back into toxic relationships. yaaay for always feeling i deserved it. [7] been cheated on: hah, yep. ties into the last thing. [8] kissed someone & regretted it: actually... no? i don’t think so? even the bad relationships/hook ups that turned sour, i’ve never actually had regrets and wished i’d not done it so?? [9] lost someone special: yeah, strange that it’s been almost ten years [10] been depressed: ‘been’ hah. i live with bipolar man, so yeaa. [11] gotten drunk & thrown up: lIKE ONE TIME OKAY.... okay that’s a lie i’ve done it tHREE TIMES IN TOTAL.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

[12] red [13] green [14] black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: sO MANY OKAY LIKE. the people on here, and people at work etc! [16] fallen out of love: nope. i’ve certainly fallen out of liking people and cut friendships with said people, but no loss of love here. [17] laughed until you cried: often [18] found out someone was talking about you: i think only in a good way?? idk and i guess the other too hmm [19] met someone who changed you: i don’t think i’ve met someone that’s like... changed me significantly?? but certainly, a couple of people i’ve met on here for example without really realising have had an effect on me in a positive way [20] found out who your true friends are: nahh man i’ve had a pretty stable set of friends for a few years now and we’ve long stopped being the drama sort. [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: jack’s the only one

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: pretty much all of them, most i haven’t seen in years-- a couple are friends from tumblr though [23] do you have any pets: sadly not [24] do you want to change your name: idk i’m fairly okay with it now?? i had a long time of not liking it but. idk. i still would prefer something more gender neutral but ehhh. [25] what did you do for your last birthday: went up to jack’s, went out for food and drinks etc [26] what time did you wake up: sometime around 9 [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: i think i was getting ready for bed [28] name something you cannot wait for: uhhhh.... well i already saw beauty and the beast today and that was my thing so... the next thing is seeing jack on sunday i guess. [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: uhm. hah. yeah. august 7th 2007, the day she died. [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: it’s gonna seem selfish but honestly, my current financial status. if i could just have a lot of money right now my entire life would be better. [31] what are you listening to right now: the sound of my typing?? [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: uhmmm.... gdi i really had to think, i think i knew someone when i was a kid? and i think there was a kid i knew through friends at college... aand i had an uncle on my dads side. [33] something that gets on your nerves: as chill as i can be, honestly a lot gets on my nerves. first one i can think of right now is rude, fucking entitled old customers. [34] most visited website: probs tumblr [35] elementary: i’m english so it’s all named differently over here but, primary school was about three different ones before my final one being from year 4- finishing in year 6, a fairly nice church of england school. one class for each year. [36] high school: again, different names so: secondary school for me was really big, a school that specialised in performing arts, maths and science. i chose it specifically bc of wanting to be an actor. it was alright. got me good grades but. it’s a hell i’d not return to. [37] college: so again with different terms, college is to do a levels etc between the ages mostly of 16-18. i studied geography, english language, and communications & culture. it was amazing okay like. it was the best thing to happen to me after leaving a shitty school experience. and then university came later and yeeahh that was another big difference. but again, good timeeess! [38] hair color: naturally i’m the whitest blonde. right now i’m brown/black/mess bc fading out [39] long or short hair: at the moment it’s getting really long again. mostly bc i cannot decide for the life of me what to do with it [40] do you have a crush on someone: nahhh [41] what do you like about yourself? shit man uhm... honestly rn i’m in no place to answer this [42] piercings: ears, lip, gonna get my nose re-done soon. and then also add an eyebrow one [43] blood type: o?? i think?? [44] nickname: amess, satan, aim, etc [45] relationship status: in a relationship, old fucking married couple [46] zodiac sign: scorpio [47] pronouns: she/her mostly [48] fav tv show: it changes too often tbh like. since i finally started to continue watching supernatural, i’m on that hype rn [49] tattoos: i’ll afford the ones i want eventually [50] right or left handed: right

FIRST…

[51] surgery: pretty sure my first one was the first face operation i had when i was a kid to remove the lump in my cheek [52] piercing: ears [53] best friend: samantha, jack & emily [55] vacation: dude i can’t fucking remember the first [56] pair of sneakers: i HAVE NO IDEA. but okay the first important pair of shoes... my first pair of converses: they were white with like, i think the blue and red lines??? idk man they were my fucking loves and they stayed white as hell foreeveerrrr

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: nothing, but i’m hungry af [58] drinking: nothing but as before, i am thirst af eeyyy [59] i’m about to: prolly order food [60] listening to: still the sound of my typing tbh [61] waiting for: life to get better [62] want: financial stability. stability in general just. ugh. [63] get married: honestly idk jack and i have spoken it could be nice but?? we’re not like?? idk we’re both very well in tune bc neither of us want kids/settling down etc so??? idk maybe we’de spontaneously get married in some other country while travelling one day. [64] career: i don’t fucking have one yet, i just work but it’s not a career

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: depends on the mood and the person but mostly i just really like hugs okay [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: idk man i don’t care [68] older or younger: uhm??? dude again idek [69] romantic or spontaneous: yawn idc either way just be decent [70] nice arms or nice stomach: arms are nice??? stomachs are cool?? i just?? dude i don’t give a fuck just give me a decent human being honestly. [71] sensitive or loud: listen i just. *drops jack down in front of this* this one will do [72] hookup or relationship: gdi i’m in a relationship so [73] troublemaker or hesitant: omfg this is so cringe

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger? yeeaahh [75] drank hard liquor? yeepp [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? nahh but i’ve broken my glasses before [77] turned someone down? omfg i’m gonna die from the cringe of even remembering it but it popped right into my head: the time a friend from college offered to have sex with me ‘just as friends’ bc i hadn’t done it yet and goddamn i couldn’t have noped out any harder. mostly bc listen. in college? i honestly thought i was gay af [78] sex on first date? mentioned before that i’ve never really gone on dates so?? but i’ve like, done the whole ‘texting/talking then meet just to hook up’ thing so??? [79] broken someone’s heart? i know i did tbh. and the hilarious thing is on both occasions they were the toxic fucking assholes. but ehh. [80] had your own heart broken? in every way imaginable. [81] been arrested? nahhh [82] cried when someone died? yep [83] fallen for a friend? *dramatically rolls eyes* i fucking have bc i was a twat omfg

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself? *cries laughing* [85] miracles? honestly watching cancer suck the life from your mum kinda ruins any belief in miracles or any of that shit. [86] love at first sight? no bloody way [87] santa claus? ahahah no [88] kiss on the first date? i believe in the ‘you do you’ way of thinking like honestly people should be able to do whatever they fuckin’ want [89] angels? nopers

OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: samantha, jack, emily [91] eye color: green [92] favorite movie: fuck man this changes too often okay idk but lets go with my default: peter pan bc of the personal importance

#aмιe pυт down тнe ιpнone ( misc mun shit. )#тнιѕ place ιѕ ғancy and ι don'т ĸnow wнιcн ғorĸ тo ĸιll мyѕelғ wιтн ( ooc. )

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