Tumgik
#i might?? ask if we can go more often but i think we go as often as we do bc 1) i'm pretty sure he goes when he's fasting and 2) we go when
Text
"Defying the Default"- Skin Tones and the Presence of Black Characters
Okay, this one is going to be half lesson and half a thought experiment- it may get a bit frustrating, as conversations like this often do- but remember, discomfort is not always a bad thing! So I ask that you walk with me for this one.
It’s also interesting, because I’m going to direct this towards everyone (readers included!), but specifically towards my fanfic writers of media with no visual medium, as I’ve noticed this pattern there, and it makes up a good amount of creators on this site. Okay? Okay.
Behold! Many shades of brown!
I had to wade through a lot of colorism for this, and even this link is subtly racist in its introduction- the idea that brown is ‘unexciting’ 🙄.
Anyway, you know where I’m going with this:
"Chocolate and Coffee"
Even the link above pulled this! Writers who use this... they’re not ‘wrong’ per se but… often uninspired. It feels... Lazy. When you can tell an author has put no thought into the brown of choice, it makes Black readers feel like you believe these are the only shades of brown- that that’s all we look like. Even chocolate is more diverse (white, milk, dark, marbled, cookies and cream?) Coffee can come in numerous shades as well (light, medium, dark roast? Type of bean?)
My first direction to help with this: make it a point to know what shade that character is (whether canonically, or if you're the original creator, look at a reference and write it down) and find a name! Be consistent! Find similar browns to one another. If the canon Black character's skin color is done poorly, find something similar and use that! (I'll get more into this in the next lesson!)
Our skin colors may modify as we age, it changes over the seasons/presence in the sun, and some people even have vitiligo! But we're not gonna be “dark roast coffee” one morning and “light milk chocolate” suddenly. We're not chameleons lmao.
And you know what? That shade you choose might very well be 'coffee'! But it's not going to be because you didn't look and assumed we're all some random brown! That’s the intent showing! If we can find endless ways to describe the beauty of white/pale skin, we absolutely can for brown! Be willing to unpack why you may not believe brown to be capable of beauty, and work through unlearning that- it will show in your writing! One way is by pausing with yourself, and recognizing when you had a biased thought. Even by this, you’re learning!
Here’s where I want us to get into the thought experiment:
I want you to think about the description of characters in stories (as a whole). Challenge yourself- in the fics and stories you read, how often is anyone blatantly labeled 'White'? Read a story or fic; how long can you imagine them as not-White before it's ever clarified? Because not even 'pale' automatically implies a White person!
You know how I’ve mentioned before that 'Black people are not a monolith'? I can find you at least some examples of Black people fitting some of the common descriptions of white characters.
"Brunette with brown eyes"
Tumblr media
(Fun fact: I actually learned back in my Masters program that genetically no one has ‘black’ hair- our eyes are processing it as black, but it’s really just dark brown due to eumelanin. Regardless, if you stand us in the direct sunlight, you will see that our hair is usually just dark brown!)
"Red hair with pale skin"
Tumblr media
“‘tanned’ skin with hazel/green eyes”
Tumblr media
“blond hair" (period!)
Tumblr media
Now, I’m not saying that blond haired Black people or Black folk with albinism are overly representative of my people. What I AM saying is that it needs to not be taken for granted that a reader is automatically assuming a character is White in your piece of fiction- I can assume your character looks like anything if it's not stated! Especially if the OG source is a book or a podcast! We’re just used to assigning these features- and characters- as white until ‘proven not’! The default!
I am guilty of this too! Even still, I reread many of my works and go ‘ah, I didn’t clarify.’ And I have to work on doing better at it. This is having intent for your Black characters, but really, it’s having intent for all of them!
(This doesn't mean going “the Black man said,” the way sometimes people say “the Chinese said” (which…. Tbh we should all stop doing that anyway, it's weird and racist))
My Next Challenge:
Some people may disagree, but- Ahem:
Say BLACK!
Breathe lmao! Take the time to recognize that it's OKAY to introduce a character as Black, to say Black, it's fine! Obviously be sensitive about it, don't shove it in there to “win your diversity points”, but like… People are Black. It's not a bad word. What matters is the context in which you used it!
You don't even have to say it every single time. Really just the first, introductory sentence will do. For example:
“[Character A], a bright, young, Black girl with knotless braids to her mid back, glittering hair clips matching her bright green t-shirt, and a brilliant smile that shined against her bistre skin.”
I recognize that some might argue that by saying “bistre”, you don't need to say Black. But 1) you don't have to be Black to be brown or dark skinned, and 2) There's a social stigma behind even saying Black- of discussing race in general, because it leads to discomfort. Race (as a sociological construct) exists. When we say nothing about it, allowing Whiteness to be the default, we're still emphasizing race, however silently! If you're already doing it... Why not mention it? 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️
(here's a good clip of Ijeoma Oluo discussing the difficulty of discussing race; while I highly recommend the whole thing, the relevant clip is 4:25-5:39)
Maybe they're in the Black student organization in a lead position, maybe they're in a Black main cast of a play- it's okay to have those things in the story to help develop the idea that your Black character is actively Black! Just do your research to make sure you’re not leaning into stereotypes!
“There’s no races in my fantasy/future world!”
That’s fair! But I want to give you an example of how people will still project these identities onto your characters anyway:
No one has an explicitly stated 'race' in Avatar: The Last Airbender (afaik); they’re all divided by element culture. YET, many people were offended that a mixed-Korean actress was cast in her role in the live action- they ‘just didn’t see it’, because subconsciously they'd imagined her ‘face claims’ as WHITE, despite it never once being mentioned in the canon! (there’s also a firm sexualization and east Asian fetishization argument to be made about it, but that’s not within the scope of this particular conversation.)
Point is, if you are including humanoid characters in your fantasy stories, fine. You don't need to say ‘Black’ outright. But, that just means that you’re going to have to be even more detailed in your description. Because if I were watching a TV show and a Black actor shows up as an elf… I know what features I’m seeing! Entire protests have occurred over the casting of Black actors in a role ‘meant for a white person’; so... everyone sees it!
Conclusion
This is another reason why intention in character design and writing is important! Context clues and socialization help me understand who your character is. If it works like this for white characters, it can work like that for everyone else! You just have to know enough about me to write it in (and that's where the social and societal bias lie, because how much do you really know about me?)
A way to better understand this is reading books by Black authors (for fantasy, I would highly recommend Raybearer by Jordan Ifueko and Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi) as well as Black literary classics! Finding and reading Black fic authors in fandoms with Black characters! By learning how we describe ourselves and our skin colors, you’ll learn and practice how to appropriately describe us!
Now I can't make you do any of this! But I do want you all- writers especially- to start noticing our bias, how we may default to the experience of whiteness- and how that affects the way we write. When we have Black characters, and really any character of color, we need to start paying attention to how often their features, culture, and activities are emphasized, even for what we may consider to be 'background' details. That’s how we normalize creation and understanding, and become better at writing!
It’s just something to practice; remember, it’s the thought that counts, but the action that delivers!
In addition, if you are interested in a simple read into why approaching race is so uncomfortable as a whole, I've attached Robin DiAngelo's book here! Thank you to the PDF guru @toiletpotato for the link!
280 notes · View notes
rabbitbandit05 · 3 days
Note
this has been a thought in my mind forever, but can we get a modern mizu x reader who is getting bullied or made fun of at college or whatever. rumors are spread about the reader at parties, and in general the reader is having a tough time dealing with all of the false rumors or like bullying, and mizu just FLIPS and puts matters into her own hands? :3 (if you dont write modern mizu, thats okay, i just thought this would be a fun idea getting to see a protective mizu)
Tumblr media
Anon, thank you for this request! I genuinely had such fun doing it, and had so many ideas that I tried to capture as many as I could (so it might be a bit over the place- sorry 😬). And I in fact do write modern Mizu!
The dynamic I was going for was Nana and Hachi (from Nana- if you know them ily)- and just kinda rolled with it. I also tried to use Y/N instead of reader or ‘you’, and I think I prefer it, however am open to feedback.
Also, again, Requests are open!
Enjoy!!
Word count: 3229 words
Warnings: Bullying, rumors, drama, I’m not sure what else to warn about
“I heard that she’ll sleep with anyone who offers themselves to her”
“No, really? Well, I guess when you look like that, you get desperate for attention..”
No one besides Y/N was really sure how the rumors had started. It was as if over night, the quiet, sensitive Y/N that everyone knew was erased and replaced with a much more sinister outlook on her.
“She never struck me for the type, not with her non-existent social life-”
“I wouldn't be too sure. She doesn't associate with people on campus, but have you seen her at the parties recently? There has to be some merit to the rumors with the way she dresses.”
But Y/N could pinpoint the exact moment they had started. It started with Y/N and Mizu meeting.
Campus was huge, and completely new to Y/N, who was still trying to find her way around. Y/N was a transfer student completing her bachelors after transferring from a community college in her area. To make matters worse for the already social awkward Y/N, she came in during spring semester- the middle of the academic year. By then, new students and transfers from fall had already formed their social groups, and that left Y/N to once again, be outcasted.
However, Y/N had already made a promise to herself that she would find friends and go out more often. And so when she heard of a Valentines day party that one of the Sororities on campus was hosting for students in her year, she decided she would go. Worst case scenario would be that she left if the vibe wasn't for her.
And so the fateful evening came and Y/N found herself getting ready for the party. That was how she had met Mizu. Y/N could still remember the sight of her. She had walked into the small, cramped house that was blaring with music. She couldn't walk two steps without bumping into someone, and couldn't hear her own feet hit the floor. It was a change from her usual solitude and quietness, and becoming dizzy with all the movement and sound, Y/N made a beeline for the nearest door leading outside, which happened to be to the backyard. In the backyard, the music from inside was muffled to a tolerable noise level, and Y/N took a deep breath in and out. And then, as if by some magic, she looked up and there she was, with a red solo cup in one hand, her hair in a half up and half down style that perfectly framed her sharp features, and the bluest eyes that Y/N had ever seen. Mizu drew Y/N to her with just a single glance, and call it fate, but Y/N (for the first time in her life) had the courage to go and introduce herself to the loner who stood at the edge of some makeshift garden.
After some talking and discovering that despite Mizu being a year ahead of Y/N, they both were studying the same major. They quickly exchanged phone numbers, and when Y/N woke up the next morning, Mizu had texted her asking if she would like to grab lunch. After having lunch, time seemed to pass quickly. Summer came, and they spent it together at one of mizu’s friends family summer home (His name was Ringo, if Y/N remembered correctly). Just them and the beach. There were times when they would both dive in the water, with Mizu going underwater and staying there long enough that Y/N would panic and wonder if she drowned. Luckily, that never happened and Mizu would emerge just as Y/N would dunk her head underwater to check for her.
And the fall came, and the happy times just… ended. The leaves turned brown, the flowers started to wilt and die off and Mizu’s schedule was packed fall semester with classes that she needed to take.Aside from the occasional meet up, they mostly conversed through text. Still, Y/N looked on the bright side and smiled when she would receive a text from Mizu. That was always the best part of her day. When she would receive the text messages that asked things like “did you eat today?” “Have you done your homework or are you procrastinating again?” and the rare “I miss you” text, Y/N would giggle and kick her feet, as if it was her lover asking her these things and not her best friend. She was sure, if Mizu had asked her to follow her to the ends of the world, Y/N would have. Is this how having a first love felt?
—-
The rumors made their way through campus, particularly though Y/N’s class and her major. It had started after Y/N had received a text messages in the middle of one of her classes from Mizu, asking if she was out of class yet. Y/N quickly responded back that she had 5 more minutes but before she could send that text, she heard a voice whisper something.
“Who is so important for her to be texting in the middle of class?” Y/N ignored it, as the person who whispered it didn't need to know and she hit send.
At the end of class, before Y/N could stand up to leave, she was confronted with the girl who had whispered wondering why Y/N was texting, and a few of her friends.
“Its rude to text during a lecture. What could be so important that it couldn't wait?”
Another one pipped up “What do you have a boyfriend or something?”
“Who im dating is none of your concern.” Y/N should have just said sorry and left it at that, but after hanging out with Mizu, she had found a new confidence in herself.
“So you were texting your boyfriend?”
“Thats rude to make assumptions-” Y/N started but was quickly cut off before she could get another word in.
“Oh so it was a hookup then? Never took you for the type.”
“I wasn't-” Y/N was cut off again
“How pathetic- so desperate that you have to text in class.” And finally, after the last berate and Y/N refusing to say anything, they all left, leaving Y/N to breath out a shaky sigh and stand up on her shaking legs.
After that day, Y/N received texts from unknown numbers asking her to hook up. She ignored them, playing it off as a prank, but then rumors started to go around campus, and those were harder to ignore. Y/N wont like and say that it was easy to ignore them, but she had been bullied for almost all of middle school and throughout high school, so she had thicker skin. However, what she wasn't expecting was a text. A week after the initial spread of the rumors, Y/N received a ominous text from Mizu:
‘we need to meet up.’
Y/N stared at the text for a good 10 minutes, thinking of how to respond. Should she deny the rumors? What if the reason why Mizu wanted to meet up wasn't because of the rumors but was to catch up? That would be self-centered of Y/N to think that Mizu wanted to meet up because of the rumors. But then why else when they hadn't seen each other for weeks? It had to be about the rumors going around.
This couldn't be happening to her. The only good thing in Y/N’s life ws Mizu, she couldn't lose her too. So with shaking hands, she typed as quickly as she could.
Y/N🌸:
‘Ok, how about we meet at luna’s?’
Mizu 🌊:
‘Does tomorrow morning- 10am work for you?’
Y/N🌸:
‘Yeah! Sounds perfect.’
Y/N shut off her phone before she got the urge to write anything else. She flopped onto her bed, and buried her head into her pillow. She hoped that this meeting with Mizu would clear the air and wouldn't break their friendship apart.
——
Y/N had arrived 15 minutes early at where they were supposed to meet- a tiny coffee shop near campus that they would go to in the spring. She decided she would get in line and order both of their usuals. When both drinks came out, Y/N sat down at an empty table and waited. The wait was horrible, though she knows that she was the one who decided to arrive early, and really she would only need to wait a few more minutes. And at exactly 9:58am, Y/N looked up and saw her.
“Hey Mizu,” Y/N waved the blue-eyed girl down from where she sat. Mizu took notice of Y/N and made her way over to the table, a small smile on her face. She had her hair up in a bun and wore casual attire, which somehow she looked even better in.
“Hey Y/N- how have you been?” The question was definitely loaded and Y/N wasn't sure how to respond to it. Y/N could feel Mizu’s eyes scanning her face, waiting for some sort of reaction or sure sign. Y/N shrugged her shoulders casually.
“I've been…. Well.” She said hesitantly, and then looked up into Mizus eyes. Judging by Mizu’s glare, she did not buy that. “Actually, it’s been a bit… rough lately…”
“I bet… I’ve heard what’s been going on…” her voice was calm. There was no ill will or anger mixed in her voice.
“How??” Y/N asked as concern reached her voice. Bad scenes ran through Y/N’s head just imagining how Mizu reacted when she found out. It would be even worse if it was the mean girls and her friends who told Mizu directly.
“I overheard Taigen saying something about it…” she closed her eyes and sighed in frustration. Y/N looked down and started fidgeting her her own fingers. “Do you have anything you wanna say or add?”
“The rumors… the- they aren't true. I would never…” she stopped to compose herself before continuing “Whats being said isnt a reflection of my character. I would never do any of the things that anyone is saying.”
“It doesn't matter, thats your own personal business Y/N, and you don't have to defend yourself.” She reached her hands out to calm Y/N as she could see her friend getting worked up. Mizu had meant well with her words. She had meant to phrase it as if there was nothing wrong even if the rumors were true, but Y/N shook her head fiercely as if objecting to her statement.
“It does matter for me!” Mizu’s eyes widened at the sudden voice raise from Y/N. She had never seen Y/N so angry about anything, and it worried her. “ I care about how you think of me… and right now, all I've been hearing is how I'm some slut making her way through the campus…I don't want you to see me like that, because thats not me. I want you to know the real me.” she paused. She could feel the tears in the corner of her eyes and hated the way that no matter how many times she blinked, they wouldn't go away. She took a deep breath in before finally saying “And I just want to know one person actually believes me… I’m so tired of being told what I am and what I’m not…”
“I believe you.” Mizu firmly said after thinking for a minute.
“Y-you do?” Y/N asked, hesitant at Mizu’s answer.
“I do. Over the past few months that we’ve talked, I never took you for the type. And I like to think I'm able to read a person very well. Regardless of what anyone else says about you, I like you…” Her words rang in Y/Ns head. They were warm and truthful and honestly, it made majority of Y/N’s fears disappear. Still- Y/N stared at Mizu in shock, not sure how to respond. The way Mizu stared at her with a small smile of reassurance and the gentleness of the hand that was placed atop of hers made this feel like a more intimate moment than it originally was. Then a cough erupted from Mizu-
“I mean- I like hanging out with you and you are really cool…” she placed a hand behind her head, a little bit of an awkward pose, and Y/N giggled responding back
“I like you too.” With that, Mizu sighed out and felt reassured by the pat of Y/N's hand on the back of her own. She had never been good with affection…
“So.. Now I guess we should start talking about how to solve this situation…” Mizu prompts, and Y/N raises an eyebrow.
“Solve it? How do we do that?” Y/N asked. She had tried to ignore it and that hadn’t worked, and Y/N standing up for herself made her worry that she would be bullied and targeted even more.
“Well, there are many ways we can do that, however it all depends on who started this and why? Do you know anyone who isn't particularly keen towards you? Anyone who would want to damage you reputation?” Mizu started tapping her fingers on the table, and Y/N shrunk her shoulders in embarrassment.
And so Y/N explained it. She started from the beginning, of how she had received a text (she left out that it was mizu’s text that started this), and how some of the girls in her class had made it their priority to ruin her reputation within their field of work all because Y/N had tried to stand up for herself.
There is a quiet that hangs in the air as the tap of Mizu’s finger stops. That instills more fear in Y/N than anything that Mizu could have said to her, as the blue eyed woman just stares at her intently. And then, as if in slow motion, Y/N sees it register in Mizu’s eyes what to do, and she starts babbling, saying anything she can to talk Mizu out of whatever she had planned.
“I-its not that big of a deal Mizu, Im a big girl and can handle myself- Besides i've heard much worse sa-” But before Y/N can ramble anymore, Mizu lays a gentle hand over her mouth. Not hard enough to truly silence her, but close enough that Y/N gets the hint and stops mid-sentence.
“Shut it. Nothing you say or do will change my mind.” Yeah, Y/N knew that. Knew better than anyone that when Mizu is set in her ways, she bends others to her will to achieve her goals. And so, there was really nothing that Y/N could do to change her mind, but even then, that was a hard pill to swallow.
“So… what are you planning on doing now?” Y/N asked, after Mizu removed her hand.
“Hmm. You'll see.” She shrugged as she stood up, gathering not only her things, but Y/N’s as well, and throwing it over her shoulder.
“I don't like the way that sounds… Also- where are you taking my things???” Y/N stood as well and stared incredulously at Mizu’s back as she walked away.
“We are going to go get dinner- my treat.” Y/N couldn't argue with that, and if she did, there is no doubt Mizu would walk away with her belongings and leave her without a computer or her textbook, so Y/N followed. She couldn't stay mad though, dinner was good and it tasted better knowing Mizu believed her and still wanted to see her.
—------
The next day, Y/N attended class, with her head down low, and trying to be as noticeable as possible, though that proved harder than she thought. Throughout the class she could hear students whispering about her. She couldn't make out exactly what they were saying but she knew what they were talking about. As the class wrapped up and the first student left, a familiar figure walked through the door and made a straight line towards Y/N.
“Mizu?” The shock of seeing the woman here had Y/N speechless “How did you know that I have this class today? And that I get out at this time?” Y/N asked Mizu, as Mizu picked up her bag for her. This was becoming a regular occurrence and Y/N wasn't sure weather she liked it or made her worry for Mizu’s back (especially with all the books she carries).
“That one day we were texting and you said you got out in 5 minutes? I made it a point to remember your schedule after that day.” Y/N blushed, and just gave a small ‘thank you’. Before either of them could get away though, they were both stopped.
“Hold it right there-” Mizu turned around, murder on her face, and Y/N shivered. She had to make a mental note to never get on Mizu’s bad side. And as she turned to look at who had stopped them, the fear she had of Mizu vanished and a cold ran through her.
It was her… the one who had started the rumors about Y/N and put her in this place in the first place. She felt so many emotions, mainly ranging from anger to sadness. Mizu on the other hand, just saw red.
“So what? Are you dating now too? I didn't know that Y/N slept around with both guys and girls-” Her high pitch voice rang in Y/N’s ears, and she felt her ears go red at the question and just the thought of it. However, Mizu’s face showed no indicator that the question had affected her at all. In fact, she gave a sly grin, and before Y/N could answer the question for the both of them, Mizu responded.
“Sure we are. Actually- Im the boyfriend that is being referred to…” The girl widened her eyes, as if not believing what she was hearing. Actually, Y/N was quite sure that a majority of the class who had not left were now focusing on their conversation after hearing Mizu publicly announce her affiliation with Y/N. Not only her affiliation- BUT THAT THEY WERE DATING?! “Not that that should matter to anyone else, especially not garbage like you.” A few gasps emerged from the students. No one dared to defend the girl against Mizu. And in a swift fashion, Mizu reached an arm around Y/N’s waist and brought her closer. “And I can assure you, that whatever rumors are flying around are false-”
Before anyone could argue against Mizu, Mizu was practically dragging Y/N away.
‘M-mizu?!” Y/N whispered as they both walked away, Mizu’s hand pressed on her back feeling heavier and more prominent than it probably was. This would surely gain the attention of not only the students in her class but now the upper class, now that Mizu was involved.
The only response that Y/N received was a barely an explanation: “If they want something to talk about, we’ll both give them something to talk about.”
————-
Hello reader, this was honestly a hot mess- and definetly not grammatically correct. Still, hope I got the general idea of this across!
72 notes · View notes
neoculturecollectives · 17 hours
Note
I read your Jisung sfw and nsfw post…
Jisung is totally the type of guy who has dirty thoughts about you but he would never initiate anything sexual because he’s too scared of rushing you or making you uncomfortable, but if you were to ask him if he’d feel uncomfortable with the idea of y’all being intimate he’d get shy and struggle to admit he thinks about it way too often 🫢
sooooo.... I had started this because well... I'm always soft for that pinhead and this may be a bit redundant and some of it might not even mesh with what was in the other one but whatever we love our big fluffy boi
just as before this is fluff and light?? smut, fem!reader
if you wanna read the one mentioned, go here
MINORS, FUCK OFF
Boyfriend!Jisung Who...
Buys you flowers and slaps you with them because he's annoying
comes home with food all the time
and you complain but you love it because this man makes sure you're always fed
"if your tummy is always full, you can't run from me"
likes to hide your things because he wants you to ask him for help
"Andrew, I can't find my sewing kit"
"did you just call me Andrew?"
"Yes I did, Anderson..."
"d'you need help finding that sewing kit or not?"
he's a space boy so he's always talking about space and if he's drunk he's in the zone
"so aliens aren't stupid... if they're capable of creating and operating technology so advanced that they can travel all over the universe, the whyy do they keep crashing in cornfields? shit- why aren't they crashing anywhere else? I believe in them but I feel like mankind wants to be smarter and better than everything else so badly that they'll insult the intelligence of just about anything."
"aw babe you've really put a lot of thought into that"
"I had to... I needed to make sure it made sense before I mentioned it to you. I didn't want you to think I was crazy and dump me"
"Sungie why would I dump you?"
"for thinking I'm crazy.... I just said that but that's not important right now- you gotta keep up- this is serious, okay?"
calls your mom just because he can
"your mom said she hasn't spoken to you in a few days, why haven't you called her?"
"Maybe of you weren't always on the phone with her, she'd answer when I call her dude"
"Well she invited me out for brunch so maybe you can come along too"
"maybe?"
"y/n if you're jealous then just say so"
reads to you because he knows his voice is one of your favorite things about him
shares his little rants, rambles, and questions with you
"Okay but instead of sending Jesus to the cross, why didn't everyone get one chance to file for like... spiritual bankruptcy and then after that for every sin you commit then you have to do something that bothers you like walk around for a week with wet socks or with a piece of steak stuck in your molars?"
"baby, are you okay?'"
"no, I need answers."
is so respectful because he doesn't want you thinking he likes the sex more than he likes you
moans in your ear when you're close because he knows you'll cum harder if he's moaning and talking you through it
he can barely form a sentence if he looks at you for too long but he can look you in your eyes and talk dirty to you while he's throttling you
he loves the way his hands look around your neck
he has a big dick
like it's fucking huge and your favorite thing is when he's telling you that you take it just like a good girl should
he's cutie pooks in the streets and Mr. Park in the sheets
no seriously one day you called him Mr. Park and he practically took you right there
he loves watching the way you take his cock so he always slides into you so slowly that it's almost torture
had you convinced that he had the equipment but didn't lnow how to use it and after your first time together he was smug af
"are you okay?"
"Jisung... don't you... I thought..."
"what? you thought you were gonna have to fake it?"
he's nasty but he's classy about it
61 notes · View notes
toskarin · 2 days
Text
»GET://NOISE« WORKING WITH RI47 HEAVY INDUSTRIES FOR PROFIT AND UNPROFIT
Tumblr media
so, I do feel like I should clarify my actual policy on using my tracks in projects. I do this every now and again, but to be fair, circumstances change pretty often
these aren't blanket licences or anything because honestly a few of these are like... complicated enough that it's literally easier to just talk to someone after the conditions are met and give them permission in writing. in nearly every single case, the first step is "contact me directly and we'll make things work"
if you're working on a project to raise money for Palestinian aid, I am especially interested in working with you. of course, I will be checking to make sure the money is actually going to help the people it's supposed to, as I'm unfortunately aware of how many people are trying to take advantage of these tragedies for their own benefit
a case-by-case reference with slightly more detail is included below
-
if you want to download Ri47 music to listen to but can't afford it... legally, I care that you pirate my music. personally, never tell me about it. I don't want to see that, I'm not signed to a label that seeks out uses of my music, and I understand that the international economy is in shambles. ideologically, I am pro-piracy. don't do anything that will legally force me to care (using my work in a commercial project without permission, for example) and we'll both keep on living our lives as we were
if you want to remix a Ri47 track and need stems… I don't have the stems either. I'm bad at recordkeeping, tune my samples by ear, and primarily do my own last pass of mixing in audacity. I might have some stems kicking around, but the odds are that I'm as empty-handed as you are. sorry about that lol
if you want to use a Ri47 song in your freeware (read: not for sale) project... that's probably fine. contact me first, not because I'm going to spring a fee on you, but because a few of my songs are already licensed out to projects that make it a little more challenging to hand them out. this is mostly applicable if you're making rpgmaker games you don't intend on selling
if you want to use a Ri47 song in your small-scale commercial project... if you're making a promo video for a stream, need music for a podcast, or anything like that, contact me first. in almost every case, as long as what you're making isn't a persistent standalone work (read: something you are selling directly, with my music as part of the package) the most I'll usually ask is that you buy one copy of the album
if you want to use a Ri47 song in a more serious commercial project... you can contact me directly to get a licence. I usually don't work on royalties unless you are selling a product that I'd consider "reselling" my work (read: an OST album or other primarily audio-based product) and I'm happy to work with people to find a deal that works for them
if you want to use a Ri47 song in a project that is intended to raise funds for a not-for-profit charity, especially in providing aid to Palestine… the freeware conditions apply. let me know about your plans beforehand, because I almost certainly want to be more directly involved, but there are very few cases where I would say no to this sort of thing
if you need original music or sound design done by Ri47... I'm booked out about a year or so in advance, so I can't promise I can actually join a team actively, but this is extremely contextual. if you need some UI sounds or a handful of piano pieces to feature in a project, I'm much more likely to find time for that
if you want me to feature on an album or compilation, whether that be contributing a song or remixing one that you provide… contact me and let's talk. this one's the most complicated conditions-wise, but I don't bite
the bottom line being... I work within all budgets and project scopes. even if you think the answer is no, drop me a line and you might be surprised. if you're unsure, I'll happily help you figure out what exactly you need. it's easier than taxes!
55 notes · View notes
kicktwine · 23 hours
Text
“You ever think about becoming a father?”
“Mrrh?”
Thancred doesn’t repeat the question, letting it sit while his gaze is elsewhere. Off in the middle of the field at the Rookery, where Ryne is telling the boy — new boy, Taynor is his name, not quite as tall as the twins but just as wispy-soft and curious — about amaro eggs, presumably. Ch’ari lets his head tilt into his hand, leaving his tangerine half-eaten in the sunshine. 
His lips purse as he digests the question. Has he ever thought about it, yes, has he ever considered… well. The twins are like kittens to him, but not his kits in the same sense. And then this lost boy, and Ryne, and the Doman kids, and…
“Not really,” Ch’ari says. “You know it’s not like that with the Seeker tribes.”
“True. But you’re not in a Seeker tribe.”
“Hm.”
One of the amaro trills, flapping its first pair of wings, to the delight of the kids pampering it with treats and brushings. Ch’ari lets his tail swish along the warm cobblestone. 
“You’re good with them. Kids,” Thancred says, leaning back in his chair but watching Ryne get more confident as she pets the creature. “They listen to you. At least, better than they do me.”
“That’s because whenever you have to be around them you clam up like a constipated yak,” Ch’ari snorts. 
Thancred finally turns to face him. “What did you call me?”
“Constipated.” He points accusingly. “If you loosened up even a smidgeon around Ryne I bet she’d be starstruck. She might even share her feelings with you.”
The hyur either contemplates that or contemplates how to get back at Ch’ari, but wherever his mind goes, it gives up and he lets it go with a wave. “This was not a conversation about my bowel movements. Which are fine, I’ll have you know.”
“Gross.”
“You brought it up.”
A quiet returns to the table, distracted by the kids now being shown how to groom a young amaro’s feathers with Szem Djenmai’s guidance. Taynor seems nervous to pry at the beast and keeps touching then backing away, but Ryne has no such reservations. Her naïveté shows itself in odd ways sometimes, often making her more confident than she should be. In this case, however, it’s naught but helpful. 
Ch’ari drags his hand back through his hair and over his ears. “I don’t know,” he says. “Hydealyn seems to enjoy dropping children near me just to make me jump. Funny little joke of Hers.”
“Do you not like children?”
“I do. Or — well, I do now. They stress me out, but they’re more fun to be around than a lot of adults. Even if I feel like they need a permanent shield spell.” Thancred gives a low chuckle. “But, y’know, just because I’m not in a tribe officially doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s expected.
“Hyurs’re different. Falling in love and all that. Sounds like a fairytale, if you ask me.”
“You’ve never thought about falling in love?”
Ch’ari shakes his head. “Naw. I haven’t.” He pauses, growing contemplative, then dropping his voice. “We have though. Ardbert, I mean. Thought about it. We just never seem to have the time.”
“Mmm. I can commiserate with that.”
“Maybe one day. When everything ain’t quite so fast.”
Thancred nods slowly. “Save the plans for when the world slows down. Until then, for good or for ill, we’ll just have to make do with the time we have now and the surprises Hydealyn gives us.”
“Cheers,” Ch’ari says, lifting a wedge of tangerine.
29 notes · View notes
Note
why do you think alicent loves aemond so much? why she doesn't love aegon as much as she loves aemond? alicent appears to have misconceptions about her children. just like dumbledore said to snape about harry. you see what you want to see. the thing is alicent overlooks aegon good traits like cunning (he convinced people living for years at dragonstone to follow him without bloodshed so it means he convinced them. it means aegon is far more diplomatic than aemond even though aemond brags about studying history and philosophy so one can expect aemond to be more polished snd diplomatic but all his knowledge goes out of the window when he's angry) and resourceful while she is too preoccupied with aemond not causing problems compared to aegon that she paints aemond as unproblematic golden child. this and aemond actually never comes back. aegon does. alicent was so wrong about both of her children. had alicent really understood aemond she would have never loved him that much because he represents everything she despises thirst for blood, war and violence. she just likes her men strong, not self-pitying like aegon because he reminds her of herself. had she really understood aegon she would have loved him more because they are very similar doing their duty and fighting till the end. she hated parts of aegon she hated in herself and loved parts of aemond she loved in herself.
this is very funny old joke that the child who rebels the most often ends up as the one more successful than obedient dutiful one.
Hello, thank you for the ask! And I`m awfully sorry for the delay with answering:(
Well, in a way you answered your own question. "she hated parts of aegon she hated in herself and loved parts of aemond she loved in herself" - there is quite a lot of truth to it, I think. However, I do not agree with the premise that Alicent doesn`t love Aegon (or, more precisely, that she loves him less than she does Aemond).
In fact I find it quite difficult to say which one of her sons, in my opinion, Alicent loves more - because she loves them in different ways.
She sees Aemond as a pillar she could lean on (just like she views Criston), as a shield she could grab to protect herself and the rest of her family (not in a sense that she`s ready to sacrifice Aemond but meaning that shes sure he can take it). There IS a part of Alicent that lives in her second son (in one of my posts I called him the voice of her bitterness and rage) but overall they are quite different people. She might not understand Aemond as well as she would like to; she might love him less if she did - but we will never know. As it is, Aemond is her brave and fierce baby boy who went through a horrible traumatic experience (that started with him fighting alone) and still was strong enough to be the one to stand by her side when pretty much everyone else turned against her.
Aegon indeed too strongly reminds Alicent of herself. She feels it - and since she is often too harsh and demanding (sometimes even resentful) towards herself, she projects these feelings onto her child that resembles her the most. She might feel like she is not enough (screw you, Viserys, by the way) - so Aegon does not feel enough as well. There might be some apprehension about the way Aegon deals with his suffering: drinking, whoring, lazing around - trying to drown out the voice of his suffering with other powerful sensations and feelings where Alicent (almost) always chooses to suppress them. But that doesn`t mean she doesn`t love Aegon. In a way thinking about him - about his lot, his duty-bound fate, the neglect he suffers where the support should be given to him - hurts her too much, so she can`t fully process the love she feels for her eldest son, and neither she can express her properly. So here go slapping, shouting and saying the words that she knows will hurt a lot - but she can`t stop herself from saying them.
Her love for Aemond makes her feel stronger. Her love for Aegon makes her bleed. So no wonder Alicent feels more ready to embrace the former. And yet, when she takes a stand between Aegon and Meleys none of it matters.
31 notes · View notes
evelyntano · 20 hours
Text
Continuation of ''When & How the Bad Batch realize that they're in love''
### Eve's Headcanons -- When & How the Bad Batch confess their love & share their first kiss ###
warnings: uh. feelings and emotions. that's it. i think?
english is not my native language
''Oh, Eve, why are you blessing us with th-'' shut up, I am going feral over a Hunter piece I wrote but I can't share it because a) it's x OC, b) I am fucking terrified of sharing full-on drabbles with the world lol. also I wrote this pre this weeks episode.
Anyways, I figured those first headcanons deserve a sequel.
once again, bone app the teeth.
Tumblr media
Hunter || CT-9901
Confessing His Love
Hunter strikes me as both someone who will confess his love before the first kiss, but also someone who'd kiss you in a loaded/intense/emotional moment and only confess his love afterward, when you've both calmed down a little.
I think he'd be thinking about it quite often - well, he'd be overthinking it to a degree, too.
Should he just tell you now, without making a big thing out of it? Or should he wait for a more peaceful moment, when the situation with the Empire is over? Should he tell you at all? Those questions probably haunt him at night.
It'll get to the point where he's so distracted by those thoughts whenever you're around that people notice it; they don't know why he's acting differently, but they can tell that something's up.
One day, during a calmer moment, he'll pull you aside to talk about it.
He'll be nervous and unsure how to word it, but he'd eventually confess his feelings vaguely - I don't see him uttering the words ''I love you'' in a moment like this, to be honest. Something along the lines of ''I care about you deeply'' seems more fitting for Hunter in a calm, soft moment.
Alternatively, you were in a more heated moment (either intense sparring, or after a battle) and after his emotions took over, he just confessed.
First Kiss
His first kiss depends on the scenario you'd rather go with, to be honest.
If his confession was during a calm, soft moment, then he didn't kiss you right then - unless you kiss him first, but we're talking about his first kiss.
It will probably take him a while to get to the point where he's comfortable enough to kiss you; there's just too much going on, and it will take him one of those properly peaceful moments (like on Pabu) to calm down enough to pull you aside for a private moment and eventually share your first kiss together.
If he hasn't confessed yet, and we go the ''heated moment'' route, the situation will pan out differently.
I'll go from a ''sparring'' perspective, 'cause I've written those often enough: Hunter strikes me like someone that would rather distract himself then confront certain feelings/situations.
So, how does he do it? He asks you to spar with him - something that might not be the smartest decision, but he can't really stay away from you forever, and he's trying to show you ''Hey! I don't hate you or anything. I apologize for acting so weird lately.'' (spoiler: continues acting odd)
Yet, as you get a little too into it while sparring, having pinned him to the ground, you notice how differently he looks at you; and before you realize it, the situation changes.
This is the moment where I can see him go ''Fuck it.'' and just kiss you without thinking; a confession follows afterward...eventually.
Tumblr media
Echo || CT-1409
Confessing His Love
*bangs head against wall* I'm so bad at analyzing Echo, I hate it here. Why does he make things so hard for me. *points accusing finger at him* Why do you hate me?!
Anyway, he's more prepared for it? How do I explain this...Echo is quite aware of his feelings, even if he's grumpy upon realizing. I think he'll reprimand himself for a long time for it, especially if you previously knew each other (back when he was an ARC Trooper & you his superior, perhaps).
When he gets past that point (can you call it denial?), he's quite certain about how he'll proceed, but I do think he'd wait until the major battles are over - well, as far as they can be.
I believe that Echo would put protecting the galaxy and helping his brothers over confessing his love for a while; or, after confessing his love, he'd openly state that his focus is somewhere else currently.
Regardless of when he confesses his love, I believe that it'll still play out roughly the same way; he'll wait for a moment alone with you, maybe catch you while you're working on something and strike up a conversation.
He'll might end up a little nervous and stutter at the beginning, but he'll be more straight-to-the-point than Hunter, for example. He'll still be...almost cautious about the way he says it, (''I think I love you'' kinda cautiousness, yk) but you'll ultimately get a proper confession.
First Kiss
welp, regardless of when he confesses, I want to think that his first kiss (emphasis on his; when he initiates it) would be after everything is over.
I just can't see him put his duty aside to find a moment in which he could have that intimate moment with you amidst the galaxy being in shambles, lol.
Maybe after one of the bigger battles is thought and they return to a safe haven, away from the Empire, you two will find each other alone and away from everyone; you'll be talking about the next steps, sharing possible plans and ideas on where to go now.
Eventually, one of you will mention your future together; I can see Echo be the one, since I think his partner would respect his priority to focus on helping the Republic, so they won't ''push'' such conversations on him.
He'll open that topic saying that he was thinking about where your future will lead you two, explaining how he wants you by his side through it all (this is basically a marriage proposal, jfc).
And after you reassure him that you feel the same and won't leave him, he'll eventually muster up the courage and kiss you; a little like a promise of sorts? A pact. I'm not sure how to say it, but I hope you get the gist of it.
That might be your first and last kiss for a while, though; as I've mentioned, Echo puts his duty first in most cases and while he does have you by his side through it all, he's not one to consider many moments ''right'' for a kiss.
Tumblr media
Wrecker || CT-9903
Confessing His Love
I'm drowning in specific tropes when it comes to this guy, really. He's just so loving and not afraid of showing it, and that goes for the person he falls in love with, too.
But, oh boy, will he be nervous! We've seen Wrecker, so I can't see him be confident and suave about it - well, at least after the realization that he's in love settles in. Before that? He's unbothered. He thinks you're just like family to him so there's nothing to overthink! Right? ...Right?
When he eventually realizes that, oh shit, he doesn't just think you're incredible, amazing, talented, spectacular, and more, but he's actually in love with you, he'll...well, ''panic'' is too strong of a word, I think.
While he spent a lot of time with you before that, you notice how something...changed; he'll still ask you out to spend time with him (and Omega), but you'll notice how he's suddenly more nervous when you ask specific questions.
I think you'll have to be the one to pull him aside for this one; he'll be too nervous and overthink it, unsure how to say it, so he'll just be rambling, trying to get his point across, which is both endearing and confusing (depending on you, really).
But, ultimately, he'll just blurt the ''I love you'' out, I think; maybe not those exact words, but the love confession, I mean. And the he'll either continue to ramble in an attempt to make the situation less awkward, or he'll look away, too embarrassed to say anything more.
I'm holding Wrecker gently as I'm typing this, if you even care.
First Kiss
I think my brain blanked, help.
I feel like he's the only person to actually ask for a kiss right after his confession; when he initially gets past either the continuous rambling or the embarrassed silence.
He'll eventually start blushing a lot, not really able to hold your gaze, but at one point he'll look up and sheepishly ask you if he can kiss you.
Though, I can see him do it at a later time, too. Like, after you had the conversation, you confess your own feelings to him and you leave the conversation at a light-hearted note; and then, maybe only minutes later, but maybe also hours later, he'll approach you timidly and ask if he could kiss you.
Ultimately, what I'm trying to say is: He's rather quick to ask for that kiss directly, unlike most of the others (except for those ''heated moments'' as scene with Hunter).
I've mentioned this before, but he is so full of love and affection. I just can't see him be someone that abandons affection and kisses, regardless of the situation he's in. Where the other's are cautious due to...well, obvious concerns and dangers...he doesn't let those dangers stop him from showing you affection.
Tumblr media
Tech || CT-9902
Confessing His Love
I'm not sure how to properly explain this, but he's...more of a Thinker than a Feeler? Is that how you describe it? Uh, he's in control over his emotions - they do not affect him in the way they affect others; specifically thinking about that scene between him & Omega, when they were talking about Echo ''leaving'' them.
I'm not sure how to properly articulate it with my mediocre english skills and my limited vocabulary, but he's...he's just really chill about it all, lol. He doesn't overthink and get nervous or panic in the way that his brother's do.
I think he delays his confession because he struggles to articulate how he feels; he knows how to explain it, but he doesn't want to give you a scientific explanation or a description of his feelings for you; he wants to properly confess his love.
I'd still say it just...happens; in my preceding post, I mentioned how he falls in love with the way you talk about things that excite you, and I'm guessing his confession happens during one of those late night talks between you two.
He'll just slip it in, not even realizing how serious and heavy of a topic that is to some people; yes, he focused on making it a confession, but you know, he didn't realize that it wasn't just a thing you could confess in passing, lol.
Tech casually drops that confession in your late night talk, admitting how he noticed that he loves your voice, and that leads to him revealing his feelings to you.
There's obviously emotion in the way he says it, even if it's ''in passing'', and when he turns to meet your surprised gaze, his expression is incredibly tender.
Save to say, you were at a loss for words. And I can only repeat it over and over again: This man can unintentionally be so bloody smooth.
First Kiss
I've mentioned this in a previous post, but I don't see him be someone that kisses his partner on the lips lol. Anyway, we need a ''proper first kiss'', I suppose.
...I am torn again, lol. One possibility (imo) is that he'll be just as casual with the first kiss as he was with the confession; it'll happen just randomly, in passing.
You'll be having another one of your casual talks, now more intimate and special than they were before, and as he stands up to leave (or for you two to move to bed), he'll help you up and plant a brief kiss on your lips without even thinking about it.
On one hand, I can see him not even realize that he did it because it just felt so ''natural'' to him; on the other hand, I can see him having stared at you the entire time and when he noticed that the conversation was about to end, something within him just felt the need to kiss you.
Another thing I can see happen is that he'll put proper ''effort'' into your first kiss; I'm thinking of a Pabu sunset, you know? He'll ask you for a walk, or another one of your late night talks and go somewhere more private with you.
There, you'll not really have your typical random conversations, but he'll actually kick it off with a (probably practiced) speech on how much he cares about you, which is basically him asking for permission to kiss you.
And then you'll get your first kiss in the light of the setting sun. He'll probably ramble more after this kiss, eventually even getting somewhat nervous this time - well, not nervous, but sheepish, I'd say.
Tumblr media
Crosshair || CT-9904
Confessing His Love
*user left the server* I think my brain gave up, lol; I can't believe that he's the one I write for the most, yet I'm actually a little stumped here.
We've seen how soft Crosshair can be, but we also know he's the youngest sibling a little shit (affectionately) sometimes, so I'm trying to find a middle ground for this.
In my preceding headcanons, I mentioned how he'd be avoidant and annoyed (@ himself, but he'll make it everyone's problem) by the realization that he loves you, so I'm certain that his confession might take among the longest.
Obviously, he'll need to continue his healing journey first, and I can also see him be more open around Omega about the whole situation, indirectly asking for her help when it comes to the whole ''being in love'' ordeal.
His confession can go different ways, I think; what I have in mind is him finding you when you're alone - no, he won't actively pull you aside, but he'll wait for a moment to approach you when there's no one around to interrupt.
He'll start it off with some snarky remark, or some sassy comment on whatever you're doing - it's his way of getting a conversation started; you'll engage, obviously, and now it can go either way, really.
I'm torn, since I think if you gave him your undivided attention, he'd be too nervous and uncertain to confess properly; he'd eventually just dismiss his feelings in that moment and deflect to a different topic.
When you don't give him your full attention right away, he'll be able to gather more courage as he leads the conversation in the right direction; eventually, he'll say something to make you turn around and look at him - by then, he might just be standing right in front of you.
That's when soft!Crosshair comes through; he'll be hesitant, unsure how to put it, but he'll ultimately voice his thoughts and feelings rather rationally. There won't be a big ''I love you'', nor anything that direct, but it'll be a pure confession of love.
First Kiss
So, soft!Crosshair is how I headcanon him, and his first kiss will also be fitting that version of him; sure, I totally understand the people that write him differently (and I adore those fics, etc.), but I'll be sticking with this version of him.
Once again, I am torn between different possibilities; now, as I'm writing this, I feel like that first kiss would happen at the same time as his confession.
After he confesses, it's basically just the two of you standing there and staring at each other, having admitted your feelings. And I can see him take that moment to just go ''Screw it,'' drop his defense walls and kiss you.
I feel like you won't even register that he's going for a kiss until it's happening, because you just didn't expect him to, but after that confession, Crosshair felt like he'd risk everything for you, and then that urge to kiss you took over.
Another way I can see his first kiss play out is when it comes to one of those ''life or death'' situations; yes, that kinda clashes with the soft!Crosshair talk, but have you seen how protective he is of Omega?
Imagine something happening to you, you nearly dying or getting taken by the Empire; Crosshair will be losing his mind, especially after you've confessed your love to each other sometime before that.
I can see him just drop his walls in front of everyone when he gets you back, kissing you in that moment without even registering the people around him. That's obviously a moment in which everyone would kiss their lover, but in Crosshair's case, I feel like this is also big enough to be his proper first kiss, yk?
welp, if y'all want these (and the preceding) headcanons for some of our other clones...let me know!
22 notes · View notes
vodika-vibes · 7 hours
Note
could I have pearl with Fives at night please?
I love your writing so much!!!!!
So This Is Love
Summary: A late night rendezvous on Coruscant gives Fives the opportunity to make a confession.
Pairing: ARC Trooper Fives x F!Reader
Word Count: 699
Prompts: Pearl - Honest Love
Warnings: None
Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly
A/N: Thank you for your request! I freely admit that I wrote this before I finished my coffee, so it might not flow well.
Tumblr media
“I appreciate you walking me home, Fives.”
He turns to look at her, a crooked grin crossing his face, “It’s not a problem. Pretty lady like you shouldn’t be walking around alone so late at night anyway. It’s not safe.”
She sighs, “Don’t I know it. But the Gallery wanted to keep going until all of the art was sold-”
“Did it work?”
She grins at him, “It did~”
He laughs and throws his arm over her shoulder, “That means the next time we go to 79s, drinks are on you. Right?”
She giggles, a pretty noise that has him tugging her closer to his side, “It’s only fair, I suppose. After all, you and your brothers are the inspiration for my artwork.”
“Ooh, so I suppose we’re famous now,”
She laughs and elbows him lightly, “Inspiration, not subject.”
“If you wanted to paint me, you could. I wouldn’t mind.”
She averts her gaze, “Ah, well…maybe. But I wouldn’t want to sell that one.”
Fives’ stomach flips pleasantly, “Because you love me and want to look at me as often as you can.” He says with a bright grin.
She huffs and bumps him with her shoulder, “Because the Republic has already taken so much from you, they don’t get this too.” She corrects.
He pauses, and then his arm tightens around her, “You might be one of the few people on Coruscant who actually understands where the clones legally stand.”
“Yeah, well…” Her hand comes up and she threads her fingers with his. Her hand is so much smaller and so much softer than his. Fives almost worries that his touch will hurt her. Almost. 
“Yeah, well-?” He prods.
“If more people paid attention they’d see.”
“They don’t want to see, beautiful. We both know that.”
She scowls off into the distance, and Fives laughs, before he leans in and bumps his forehead against the side of her head, lightly rubbing his nose against her cheek, “You care though,” He adds, “That’s enough for me.”
“You deserve so much better though!” She says as she turns her head to look at him, her nose bumping against his.
Fives doesn’t bother to give her any space. If anything, he wants to be closer to her. “You know, beautiful, I don’t think life is about what you deserve.”
She huffs, “It should be. You and your brothers deserve so much more than the Republic-” She rambles.
“I love you.”
She stops mid-sentence and blinks at him. “You…what?”
“I love you. I’m in love with you.” Fives flashes a nervous smile, “I’ve been trying to tell you for weeks, but telling you over comm just felt cheap.”
“You love me? Why?” She asks, looking so genuinely befuddled that Fives can’t help but laugh. 
“Ah, so you want me to list all of the ways that I love you?” Fives teases, “Well, alright. If you insist. Reason one, I love the way you look at me, like I’m the only man in the galaxy. Reason two, I love how we can sit and talk for hours about anything and everything. Reason three-”
He stops when she presses her hand over his mouth, her face burning, “Please stop.”
“But I barely started. You didn’t even let me list all of the physical reasons I love you. Like your hair. And eyes. And lips-”
“Fives!”
“And I really love how you say my name-” He continues, a wide grin on his face.
And then he’s stopped for real, because her lips are pressed against his, and he has something much more interesting to focus on. Like replacing all of the oxygen in her lungs with him.
When he breaks the kiss, her gaze is hazy and she’s slightly breathless, “In case you were wondering,” she mumbles, “I love you too. But I’m not going to list all of the reasons why! Your ego is big enough as it is!”
Fives just chuckles and kisses her again. “Does this mean that I can come in when we get to your place?” He asks against her lips.
“Only if you want.” She replies.
“Beautiful, I’ve wanted an invitation to your home for months. I’d be honored.”
26 notes · View notes
elfiewhore · 3 days
Note
Number 23. For the little asks
An ABDL Fantasy? Oh I have so, so many hehe! But if you want one, darling.. I want to completely un-potty train a little baby. I want to have someone come to me as a fully continent adult and then slowly turn them into a little pants wetting baby that relies entirely upon me <3 I'd start out slow. "Hey sweetie I know it's a bit weird but I like this kink with diapers. Oh just try it? For me?" And then convince them to pee in them for me. "Please? I just think it's really hot. You might like it!" And then I'd start making them wear them more and more often. "I just think it'd be really spicy if you wore one when we went to the movie! Hehe. And look, I know you really want to see it and it's super long so if you need to pee you can just use it! Oh don't give me that look. You thought about it too." And on and on until they have their first accident. "Wait, really? You *wet yourself?* Aww it's okay! Don't cry. Hey, look. I'll help you clean up. Don't worry I get it! You're stressed! But.. Maybe you should wear a diaper overnight. I know, it's embarassing. But.. Just in case, you know?" Slowly ramping it up and up and up, making them lose more and more control as their body gets so used to just peeing in diapers all the time. Until one day I throw out all of their underwear. "What? You weren't using them anymore. Look, all you wear is diapers now. They were just taking up space. Oh yeah? Go on. Tell them. Tell your friends I 'forced you' into wearing diapers. You wouldn't have gone along with this if you didn't want it just a little. Isn't that right? Yeah there we go. Now come here, I think you pissed yourself while we were talking." Just.. Slowly training my cute babies. Ahh.. The best <3
23 notes · View notes
bigtreefest · 3 days
Text
Chapter 4: Neon Cowgirl
From: Bigger Houses Series
Tumblr media
Pairing: Mountain Ranger! Ari x Reader
Summary: Miscommunications often lend themselves to worries, but almost everything can be fixed with the right tools and the right person.
Word Count: 2,911
Content/Warnings: Miscommunication, heavy drinking, crying, vulnerability, Ari in relaxed non-work clothes (this is very much a warning), kissing
Author’s Note: Wow, just wow. That’s all I have to say, and I hope you agree. Likes, comments, reblogs, and asks are sooooo welcome and appreciated!!
Dividers by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more
Below is the song which served as inspiration of this part. I think it’s my favorite incorporation of the lyrics thus far.
< Prev | Series Masterlist | Next >
Tumblr media
You had been anticipating the date with Ari all week. In your rush to leave, you didn’t even know what time to meet him. You had no idea of his shift schedule or what the true plan was, and it was putting you on edge.
Were you going to get dinner, or was it just drinks? Was there a different bar in town? You looked it up and found a bar two blocks away from that coffee shop, but was there another one? Did he say two blocks and actually mean four blocks? Could he count? Could you count?
What was the right time to go? Not everyone ate dinner at 5pm like you, what would a normal person think? Six, seven? Ugh, you couldn’t even fathom eating dinner at seven. Might as well go to bed at that time, honestly.
Living alone was great, you loved having your own schedules and routines, so branching off outside of it was difficult. You started to get annoyed, and honestly, hangry. You made the final decision that you would eat dinner, then head down to the bar and get a drink and wait. He had to show up sometime, right?
Tumblr media
You walked into the bar to hear the jukebox playing a slow country song. Neon lights and old pictures lined the walls, evidence of a well-worn and well-loved establishment. You couldn’t see Ari anywhere, so you walked toward the back and claimed a seat in the far corner of the bar.
The bartender made his way over to you, wiping his hands on a towel he threw over his shoulder. “Hey can I get you started with anything?”
“Well, I’m here to meet someone, so probably whatever’s best to not be absolutely plastered before he’s even here.”
He laughed and nodded, placing a coaster in front of you. “I gotcha, I think I have just the thing.”
You smiled gratefully as he turned away to get started.
He returned and slid the drink over to you and you took a sip. “This is perfect, thank you so much.”
“No problem. So you said you’re meeting someone? I might know them, so I can keep a look out for when they show up.” His hands rested against the bar as he leaned forward to engage in conversation.
“Um, his name’s Ari? We got coffee earlier this week, but kinda forgot to say exactly what time we’d be meeting tonight.”
The bartender laughed and nodded his head. “Ah, yes. I’m familiar. He’s a regular around here. I’m Sammy by the way, you new to town?”
He reached out his hand and you shook it in return, introducing yourself. “Nice to meet you. Yeah, I just moved in up in the mountains. I love it so far.”
He smiled back at you. “Oh, that’s great. Real beautiful views I bet, huh?”
You grinned down into your drink. “The best. Very beautiful, and very much all mine.”
“Well, I know the guy meeting you here shares in that that opinion. The mountains are his favorite place to be.” He pushed off the counter as another customer took a seat. He slid them a coaster and took their drink order, looking back at you as he made it.
“So Ari’s in here a lot? Should I be worried?” You laughed with a hint of uncertainty.
He sighed, looking down at his feet, before he raised his head and his gaze came back up to yours with a small smile on his face. “No. Not at all. I just know he went through a rough time awhile back, but he’s a lot better now.”
You nodded, taking in anything anyone could give you about this man. “And you’re the only woman he’s asked to meet here, or at all since then, as far as I’m concerned.” He tilted his head and looked at you knowingly. “If that’s what you’re worried about.”
You smiled and ran your finger around the rim of the glass. “Good to know. Thank you, Sammy.”
He gave you a curt nod, walking to check on his other customers while you leaned back in your barstool.
Come to think of it, Ari was the first one you had really put this time into since everything, too. There was just something about him and the way he made you feel appreciated and seen. There was something worth getting to know there.
Sure, you were nervous, who wouldn’t be? But you didn’t find yourself tripping over words, or trying to filter your thoughts like you usually felt you’d need to for a guy. Ari felt like the embodiment of comfort. But that’s what scared you. Because you’d been waiting here nearly an hour now. And for someone where everything meshed so perfectly, you so badly wanted it to continue. For it to be guaranteed and real. Genuine from the start. If Ari didn’t show up tonight, it would crush you, and honestly, any hope you had for men. That would be the sign to officially become a recluse, or maybe even a nun, who knows?
You were staring down at your empty drink, your eyes zoned out as these thoughts ran through your mind. Sammy grabbed your glass and replaced it with a fresh one, snapping you out of your trance. “This one’s on the house. I know Ari’s got some pretty weird shifts, so I can’t tell you what time he’ll come in, but this is one thing I can do.”
You smiled up at him, doing your best trying to make sure the sadness didn’t show through, as he grabbed a bowl of popcorn from a little further down the bar. He set down the wooden bowl before you. “You let me know if you want anything other than this.” He leaned against the bar on an elbow.
You gave him a thumbs up as you took a heavy gulp of your drink, half of it already gone. “Popcorn should be good for now, but I’m definitely gonna need another one of these.” You gasped, pointing to the drink.
Sammy nodded and got to work while throwing back over his shoulder, “I’m sure he’ll be here soon. He wouldn’t mess up something like this. He might just need a little patience.” Of course, he meant this in more ways than one.
Tumblr media
You promised yourself that as soon as you finished your third drink, you would be gone. When you made a move to take the first sip of the fourth, you watched the door open, assuming it was just like any other time tonight, a random patron coming through.
You were wrong though, across from you stood Ari, frantically looking around and breathing heavily. Sammy caught his eye first, pointing back to you with a thumb over his shoulder. Both of their heads turned towards you, Sammy’s wearing a grin that said ‘I told you so.’
Ari’s face held a more complex range of emotion. Relief that you hadn’t left yet, remorse for not giving you more details and evidently making you wait for so long. He took long strides toward you in the bar, and that’s when you noticed he was still in his ranger uniform, carrying a duffel bag.
“Hey, I’m so sorry I’m late. I know we didn’t specify a time, but this is way after I intended to get here. I had to deal with a call.”
You stood as he reached to give you a hug and you returned it. That was the first time the two of you had hugged each other, and it was so warm and all-consuming that you never wanted it to end. You could feel the way his whole body wrapped around you and firmly squeezed, almost like the best weighted blanket.
Ari released you, letting his hands trace down your arms until you were linked only at your fingertips. “It’s no problem. Is everything okay?”
Ari nodded. “Yeah, all is good now. It was just a kid who got separated from his parents on the trail. Are you okay?”
He dipped his head down in an attempt to catch your gaze which had found its way to the floor and stuck there. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good.”
He tried again to break through, eyes still searching for yours while his callused thumbs rubbed over your knuckles. “Are you sure? Because you were kinda drinking alone, all by yourself in this corner. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I could almost see how blue you were just from your eyes alone.”
You finally gained the courage to look up at him, tears coating your lashes, making his gorgeous face too blurry to appreciate. “Yeah.” You squeaked out. “You’re not wrong. I almost thought you weren’t gonna come.”
Ari moved one of his hands to your cheek, wiping the single tear that was falling down. “I’d never do that to you, I’d never stand you up on purpose, I swear.”
You nodded, bringing up your hand and placing it over his. “I believe you. Now what’s up with the bag? Spare clothes?” You let out a small laugh and a sniffle.
Ari laughed and nodded. “Yeah, spare clothes. I rushed right here, couldn’t keep you waiting longer or risk missing you all together by stopping home first. I’m gonna go change really quick. I’ll be right back.”
You nodded and he kissed your knuckles, gaze lingering on your eyes, walking backwards until he had to turn around to make sure he didn’t bump into anything. You watched him glide past tables and into the back hallway towards the bathroom, sure to enjoy the view those shorts provided. Sammy came over to you and set down a coaster, along with a beer that must’ve been Ari’s usual. “I told you he’d make it.” You gave him a lopsided grin, to which he returned a wink.
Tumblr media
Ari in his ranger uniform was jaw-dropping, but Ari in regular street clothes was deadly. Once he had come back to you from the bathroom, he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, his hair tucked under a ball cap.
He slid into the stool next to you and ordered some snacks from Sammy, offering to share, which was good, since you were way ahead of him alcohol-wise.
“I hope you don’t mind, it’s been a long day and I haven’t eaten since before noon. You’re welcome to have some, unless you want something of your own. Have you eaten yet?”
The corners of your lips turned up slightly at his concern. “Yeah, I ate before I came, Sammy told me you can have some weird shifts and I expected as much. But, I will definitely be stealing a few fries.”
He grinned down to you. “I wouldn’t expect any less.”
He sat there and continued to look into your eyes as your smile naturally faded before he spoke up again. “I really am sorry for being late. I should’ve given you a time, or asked to exchange numbers earlier into getting coffee when I knew I’d want to see you again.”
Your brain got caught up on what he said. He knew he wanted to see you again earlier in the coffee date? Not just because you had to leave so abruptly?
The truth was, Ari knew he had wanted to see you again way before then, even. But how do you ask a girl out when she just almost hit you with her car and it was entirely your fault? Well, he guessed he had figured it out the second time, at least.
He could see the blush start to form on your cheeks. “So could I get your number now so we don’t have to deal with that worry again?”
You simply nodded, reaching into your pocket to pull out your phone which had been happily tucked away since Ari arrived, as he did the same. There was no need for them when you were together, they were just a means to keep contact when you were apart.
After exchanging phones back, Sammy arrived with the food, and you talked with Ari for what felt like forever, but also the blink of an eye. Time passed quickly, yet stood still.
Then, you noticed a shift in his demeanor as the song on the jukebox switched to a new one.
“What? What was that, what’s going on right now?” You asked softly, gesturing to his face, as Ari looked down into his glass, running his fingers around the sides, collecting the condensation.
“It’s nothing, just been awhile since I’ve heard this song is all.” You gave a sympathetic nod.
“Does this have to do with a ‘hard time’ you were facing some months ago? Sammy told me something happened. You don’t have to go into any detail, but trust me, I can assure you that I get it.”
Ari looked up at you through his eyelashes. There was a new vulnerability in his features. It softened them, saddened them, and it killed you to see. He was so sweet with you when he first showed up, he deserved the same treatment in kind.
You shifted and hopped off your stool, holding out your hand for the man who now appeared even taller as he still sat in the chair. “Come on, ya bear. Dance with me. Make some new memories.”
He grabbed your hand and returned a smize, following you to the small section of open floor to the side of the bar. He pulled you close with a twirl, your face showing surprise at the smooth move which juxtaposed his mood just moments ago.
The two of you swayed to the music, looking deeply into each other’s eyes. Your hands crept from his waist, up his abs and chest, before they snaked around his neck. Sure, you were copping a feel discreetly, you appreciated the hardness that lied under his shirt, which hid nothing, but that wasn’t what this was about. This was about the two of you, sharing a moment together. One that was well-deserved on both ends. One that should never be shared with another.
It was like you could see the clouds breaking apart in his eyes. A storm which once raged on, thunder rolling, was getting blown away, replaced with light, a new twinkle.
You moved your hands to the sides of his face, the scruff of his beard rough against your palms as you whispered to him. “Rain stops falling. Hearts unbreak.”
You didn’t need to know his past, not unless he wanted to share with you, but what you could appreciate was being here with him now. And the fact that he was letting you in, letting you see his eyes and smile that could light up a room. What fool could ever hurt this man, tell him goodbye?
Ari was thinking the same in the shared moment. You were made to be taken dancing under these lights, he hoped you let the things that hurt you before ride away. Darkness couldn’t last forever, and he was finally, truly seeing the light.
His eyes shifted between yours as the song came to an end, and he caught a glimpse as you licked your lips. He leaned down slowly, wanting to be closer to you, just as you raised up on your toes and smashed your lips against his. The feeling was stronger than the drink in your hand before. You felt Ari’s teeth against your lips as he pulled away with a beaming smile, you doing the same, before going and sitting back down, two fresh drinks sitting there, courtesy of Sammy. He had been looking on at the two of you dancing, an approving smile on his face which you both missed.
Tumblr media
You sat and talked for hours more until the bar was closing. By that time, you knew you were in no state to drive, so Ari offered to take you home. You gladly accepted, Ubers were scarce up here.
Ari guided you out of the bar and into the chilly mountain air, draping a jacket from his bag over your shoulders that he knew you’d need. He helped you up into the passenger side of his truck and closed the door, jogging around to the other side as you scooted over to the middle of the bench seat.
He got up in the driver’s side, smiling when he saw you had moved closer and started the truck, following your directions to climb higher in elevation. At some point in the drive, he hand crept closer to yours, his pinky reaching out, as you noticed and happily obliged him, interlacing your fingers, pulling his arm towards your chest and kissing the back of his hand.
When he pulled into your driveway finally, Ari looked over to you, your head snuggled up against his shoulder, hands still woven together. You blinked up at him through your sleepy eyelashes, blanketed in a slightly buzzed and lovesick haze. He smiled at the sight before him as he cracked a joke.
“So what do you have this house here, way up on a mountain for? What are you, royalty? You think you’re some sort of queen?”
You laughed in response. “Oh no, a queen? You give me too much credit. I think I’d consider myself more of a duchess.”
He softly smiled back at you. “Okay then, Duchess, let’s get you inside.”
Next >
Tumblr media
Bonus A/N: (This is fitting for both my mention of neon signs early in the chapter, as well as the chapter title.) Neon signs have been around for over a century! They work by sending an electrical current through elemental neon gas (housed in a glass tube shaped into lettering and such), which excites electrons. When these electrons ‘relax,’ they emit that extra energy at a wavelength that shows up as reddish orange light. If you see a ‘neon sign’ that glows a different color, it’s not actually the element neon. It could be another gas that emits a different energy/wavelength of light. This could be argon (blue, green, yellow, or white), helium (pink/red), xenon (lavender), krypton (yellow-white), or any combination of these stable noble gases and other elements.
Series Taglist:
@patzammit
@hawkeyes-queen
35 notes · View notes
nerdieforpedro · 20 hours
Text
WIP Wednesday
A special day of the week this is! 😆
No worries I actually have like… 👀 three WIPs on display this week?! Nerdie is…concentrating. 🥹
The first one is from my series “The Lake Between Us” chapter six (chapter five will be out Sunday 😆 on my birthday) I also wrote two interludes because 👀 Reasons - I’m trying to structure all the stuff into chapters 7 & 8 because we’re going to end on 8. I like even numbers. 🤭
Another two months of dinners brought the two of them closer together, learning about each other. Studying their bodies and sounds. There were times they parted, back across the lake, but oftentimes the nightly partners remained intertwined among limbs and sheets. Still having a drink before bed but not nearly as many. They were dulling each other's edges, making it easier to slip into their dreams.
There were occasions when they laid awake, wordless as the radiance of the moonlight draped both of their forms; they did wonder if they were awake or asleep. It felt like such a pleasant notion to have someone who understands by your side.
WIP two: There are two things that @wannab-urs has gotten me into, both involve our trash panda Dieter and both are challenges - I think? One at least is. 🤔 The WIP below is from Gin’s ask challenge from the Hozier song “Fare Well.”
Side note: I meant for the beginning of this to be much more serious. It was not. But we’ll get there. Maybe 🫨 Like I’m working toward something, maybe some crawling if I can fit it in. Because… Gin and I agree on it. We touched and agreed on it. 😌
He’s been more careful about it, not something he’s been concerned about prior to his new leaf. In doing so, acts he’d normally attempt weight more heavily on his mind and keep little Dee from swelling when needed. Bravo knows the rumor that might be going around but it’s not true! Since his mind is clearer, he actually thinks about who he’s having sex with more and little D isn’t always on board. You know, one of those words his therapist mentioned – cognitive dissonance except it’s happening with his partner in pleasure little D. Big D when he’s feeling in the mood.
March Prompts will finish Sunday! 😆 I’m happy and sad, I’ve gotten used to writing one daily, now what am I gonna do? 😑
I am still working on my two Din series. I’m trying to be fluffy. Din deserves fluff from me every so often. 🤭
NPT: @trulybetty @undercoverpena @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @alltheglitterandtheroar @megamindsecretlair @morallyinept @fhatbhabie @rhoorl @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @pedroshotwifey @atinylittlepain @yourcoolauntie @604to647 @secretelephanttattoo @goodwithcheese @joels-darlin @for-a-longlongtime @legendary-pink-dot @magpiepills @kteague @maggiemayhemnj @inept-the-magnificent @gwendibleywrites @alltheotps
19 notes · View notes
adore-gregor · 9 months
Text
So I could really use some advice
#on a guy#if he actually likes me#because i'm really oblivious and i can't tell for sure from any signs he might give#but there could be a lot of signs 😂#so if anyone can help me out or tell me your opinion 🙈#it's a guy i go to uni with and had a class with we're now friends and hang out a lot ☺️ but maybe it could become sth more...#well i really like him he's so nice fun to be around easy to talk to and so supportive 🥰#actually i think i never liked a guy like him 🥺 because all the things i'm scared or worried about in a relationship are less so with him..#and i think maybe it really could work while otherwise i often just wanna 'escape' not literally but you know#so we saw each other a lot lately like every week or more often than once a week#and he also texts me a lot or just randomly called me to ask me things or make plans :)#he just send me a youtube video link i need to look at it later 😄#when we meet we always hug as a greeting and goodbye 🥹#also he had a gf until april so i'm not sure if he'd be ready already but anyway#and we always talk about lots of things and he's so interested in what i have to say#we onced talked for like two hours in front of the door at night 😂#when we meet and go eat something he always pays for me and i kinda feel bad about it 😅#because it must cost him so much money so last time at the cinema i insisted to pay haha#and he finds it really cool that i play tennis and didn't mind i spend so much time doing it#bc i met some guy who didn't so much because it meant i have less time to see him ig#but that's really respectful#and he always compliments me about so many things#also once we took a selfie together which i then sent him and he was like that he's unphotogenic on it unlike me#which i didn't know how to react because i never look photogenic#so i was like “noo that's not true i'm the most unphotogenic person ever normally”#and he was like “i can’t believe that” which i don't see but 😂#and yeah he played tennis with me after i asked him if he wanted and he also always offers me his help#when i was decorating my room if i need help with carrying or he often wants to carry my bag#and he sent me old childhood pictures of him and just funny one so did i then#he also sent me one of the sweetest good luck messages before i played a tennis match for my club 🥹
8 notes · View notes
dandyshucks · 28 days
Text
i get slightly annoyed when people make community posts that tell ppl to stop doing xyz and use the phrases "they're a FICTIONAL character, theyre NOT REAL" to justify whatever theyre saying because:
1) everyone knows that already, we're all aware these are blorbos from our media;
2) if someone is genuinely struggling to grasp that because of a delusion or similar, a forceful reality check is only going to cause harm rather than help;
3) it just feels so needlessly patronizing;
4) most of the time whatever I see people complaining about is either smth that I never see anyone doing or if it is smth somebody is doing then the block button is a very quick and effective fix for the issue (or even a quick convo w the person in DMs can resolve issues!)
(granted I keep my following circle very small and probably miss a lot but if i can do that then perhaps... perhaps other people can do it too fhfkdl like just prune back whatever u dont like seeing! unfollow or block as needed!)
#speaking as someone who has experienced and occasionally still experiences delusions!!!#reality checks do not help unless we ask for them directly! it's only going to make things worse if u force one on us!#also yes im aware of the hypocrisy of me making a post complaining abt things#but its often just this one phrase that i will see in otherwise decent posts that go around#and im not about to unfollow ppl just bc of this one phrase being used in a post or two that they might've rbed fhfjdl#also this is a niche thing to know about i think? like i dont think most ppl know a lot about delusions#.... as evidenced by ppl using delulu as a quirky meme word. god that one makes me tired and frustrated fjfkdl#but yeah normally i keep complaints and annoyances to myself but this one i figured might actually be helpful to talk about here#since i know theres probably a lot of ppl who have no idea that this is a thing that can actually make things worse rather than better#and like. theres bigger fish to fry i know that! this is a relatively small thing all things considered#but i feel like perhaps if i can make life a little easier for one other person who struggles w mental health then its worth it#if i can convince one person to be more mindful of their language to make the world slightly safer for fellow mentally ill folks then yay!#and i know the internet doesnt need to cater to us crazies but fhdkdl it'd be cool if ppl could just be a tad kinder or more thoughtful#again! not shaming or blaming and I'm not even upset w anyone#ppl genuinely just do not know abt this stuff unless a loved one or they themselves struggle w delusions or psychosis etc#and even then oftentimes its such a stigmatized topic that even ppl who struggle w it themselves might not know or realize it#anyways. climbing down off my soapbox like a kitten clumsily climbing off of a tall couch SBDJSKL#dandyshucks
3 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 5 months
Text
...
#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the#best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b#like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional#control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood#weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start#crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way#not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things.#thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi#now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me.#working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning &#prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st.#task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in#this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do#moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an#then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose#things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the#picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to#absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal#away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i#still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop#switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping#would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is#but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually#unrelated#i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static#but focus is not a thing i cna control
3 notes · View notes
rat-nest · 2 years
Text
Idk why more people don't do cooperative care its genuinely so fun to teach and work on
#cc also made Jasons nail trims go from panicking scared puppy to tolerates for very high value treats#which is better than nothing. hes just so weird about nails. feet handling is fine but hes been terrified of clippers since i got him#idk why the breeder worked on nails#ANYWAY knowing he can say no or ask for a break and have any kind of say in the matter was necessary to establish before we could make#any progress at all. sometimes dogs just want to be able to say no. we should give them that option more often.#same with teeth brushing. i can tell he doesnt like it but he goes to our teeth brushing spot when i show him the brush#and politely lets me brush his teeth because he knows i will stop if he asks and that he will be paid either way#the paid even if they decide to stop is important i think? it might not work for every dog tbh#but i think its helpful for dogs that will tolerate just about anything if they feel like they have to#and i dont want Jason to be miserable because hes worried about not getting his reward ya know?#its just something i find very enjoyable and rewarding both during and after#start button behaviors give me more trouble because tbh i am not a good dog trainer;;;;;;; but we have a few!#like going to his teeth brushing spot willingly counts i think? and for front paw nails he gives me his paw to start#and takes it back when he needs a break before giving it back when hes ready#i didnt teach that one though i just let him pull his feet back whenever he wanted during nails until he realized he was in control of when#i did or didnt place the dremel against his nails
6 notes · View notes
medicinemane · 16 days
Text
I still argue that bleeping someone like Gorden Ramsey is bullshit so that people who love and find swearing fun can pretend that they didn't just hear him call someone a fucking donkey, because there was a bleep... like they don't know the exact word he used, like they didn't think it, and like they didn't have fun with it
Cause I bet you... any amount of money you want honestly, that if you asked Gorden Ramsey not to swear he just wouldn't... I don't think they ever bleep anything in shows where he's helping kids cook
No, people find swearing fun, it's entertaining... they just don't want to admit they like it because it's naughty
And to be clear I'm directly pointing to this and pointing to 'unalive' and drawing a line between them for how we got here
#you either don't swear or you do; bleeping is only for when no one's supposed to swear but it came out by accident#but 99% of the time; you can tell the producers wanted people to swear because their audience loves it#and at best they didn't bother telling them to keep it polite; and at worst they encouraged it#you know; I once when I was like 12 went with my mom to see Chuck D give a talk about stuff#and at the end when he went up he was like 'oh I'm so sorry; I didn't know there was a kid in the audience or I wouldn't have cussed'#and we assured him it wasn't a problem (didn't explain I'd know all of it since I was little)#(and I think to an extent even then I had a mentality of that I'd rather hear it how he was gonna say it normally)#but... he very clearly could have and would have simply kept a check on himself like everyone is capable of#and he clearly would have been more than happy to#it wasn't an 18+ event; it just was on a college and he expected adults only and talks how he talks#you can have zero naughty words most of the time... all you have to do is ask#and you can avoid serious conversations... it's polite to let people not be forced to engage with topics they don't want most of the time#hell; that's the whole point of trigger warnings#...I don't know; I'm forever fuming about this whole fucking topic#it's like a huge portion of humanity is willingly and gladly throwing shackles on#it's on thing not to say fuck; I respect the hell out of that#it's one thing to mind your words and subject; go for it#and it's also one thing not to want to listen to people swear#you know... I often do tone down how I feel like talking cause... I get some people following me might not like it... and I actually care#...it's just also... in the end this is my spot I dump bullshit out of my skull in a verbal vomit#so you get it how you get it... but like I get not wanting to hear it#but don't you fucking tell me you hate swearing and them sit their laughing at a bleeped bit from a show where someone's cursing up a storm#no you like swearing but you're just being a shifty self righteous prick that's pretending you don't to feel smug#and don't talk about death if you don't want to#but don't say 'unalive'; not unless you're meaning the opposite of undead and coming up with something interesting#if you're saying 'unalive' you're just a spineless fucker who can't even manage saying you'll kill a zombie in minecraft#(or a fool who doesn't get what you're going along with)
0 notes