Have you ever had that inexplicable feeling when you meet someone for the first time, and immediately feel connected? Even when you haven’t gotten to know them better yet, you feel happy at the mention of their name? Or their presence in the room? At the mere suggestion that they may be coming over that night? And then as you get to know them better, you light up when they text or when you call each other. Your smile just grows whenever something reminds you of them, or you see that they’ve responded. And then suddenly you realise that you couldn’t imagine not having them in you life - be it as a friend, a partner, just so long as they are there. As long as you’re able to talk to them and be around them and spend time together.
And then they get ripped away from you - maybe it’s not that bad but now you can’t see them or talk with them for over a month. Some days are ok but quite a few you feel melancholy on the inside. You desperately begin counting down the days but the days seem to stretch on purpose, taunting you and your desperation. What if things aren’t the same after? What if they are but then you don’t know where to pick up from? All these questions and yet no answers until that fateful day you get to speak with them again - even then they may not be answered. That one person that you’ve felt so connected to all this time. Be it only a year or maybe even a decade of knowing them, you feel as if you couldn’t lose this person, no matter what happens.
Is this what finding your soulmate is like? Finding someone that you connect with instantaneously. Someone you care about, and will always care about, no matter the situation you find each other in, you care about the other so much that it hurts not knowing if they’re doing ok or not.
You used your words to paint a self portrait that mesmerized me beyond able to recognize your true colors. You set a frame that accentuated your potential but not authenticity.
First of all, I miss you so much.
“You’re beautiful, but you’re empty…
One couldn’t die for you. Of course, an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you.
But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she’s the one I’ve watered.
Since she’s the one I put under glass, since she’s the one I sheltered behind the screen. Since she’s the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except the two or three butterflies). Since she’s the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all.
Since she’s my rose.”
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, “The Little Prince”
“Senti Nana, perchè coronare i propri sogni ed essere felici devono essere per forza due cose separate?
Non riesco a capirlo. Non ancora.”
“Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
‘Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you”
Tiny me, tiny mom, giant dad. Also, my late grandma and dad’s sis.
Belated Death Anniversary, Dad. Cheers to you and your ethereal guitar and tell Mom I said “Hi <3”
I haven’t seen you in a year. In fairness there were a lot of things that caused that. Some we couldn’t control, but you still never texted, or called or like my pictures on Instagram…because apparently it matters. I’m trying to erase you from my mind and it’s scary because it’s becoming easier. And I can’t say this anywhere else because I’m afraid you might see it, or one of my friends will and roll their eyes, or if I say it out loud it’ll become real. But I miss you, a lot. And I hope you’re okay, even though you decided your life was better without me in it.
Stupid is missing someone that wasn’t even yours in the first place. 😕
do you regret the nights we spent together?
Thoughts of you hit me like a tidal wave. I’m utterly consumed to the point of suffocation. Trapped under water: a moment of nothing but stillness and a fixation on memories of you. Rather than to fight the anger and sadness, I allow myself to re-live the souvenir of emotions you evoked in me. Soon enough they fade away as I surface up to reality.
I love the thought you listen to my playlists and thibk about me and the times we had
missing hyunjin a little extra today