#i need the seratonin dammit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

twilightofthe · 3 years

Text

Chapter Ten liveblog of The Mandalorian Season 2! Let’s go!!!

ASLKDJFLKLKJKSLDFK OK SO FIRST OF ALL THIS IS LATE BECAUSE THE FUCKING STATE OF THE REAL WORLD SENT ME CRASHING INTO A STRESS NAP AN HOUR BEFORE THIS AIRED AHAHA

LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED C’MON BABY YODA YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE AT SERATONIN

Fuck it skipping recap

And we back on Tatooine

And he be nyoomin on a speederbike

What’s the hurry my dude?

Oh shit these guys are gonna like clothesline him

Oh shit they did

OH SHIT THE BABY

FUCKING BASTARDS

Oh thank GOD he’s okay

How the actual fuck did these bitches find the kid ALREADY does he still have a fob?!?!?!?

Kick their asses DIn

YOU STEP AWAY FROM MY SON WITH THAT KNIFE YOU FUCKING BASTARD

YEAH RIGHT DIN YOU TELL HIM YOU’LL KILL HIM IF HE HURTS YOUR SON

OMG HE’S GIVING UP HIS JETPACK FOR HIS SOOOOOOOOOOON

I CAN’T

HE CARES MORE ABOUT HIS BABY

THAN HIS PRECIOUS HERITAGE

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

Ahahaha no waiiiiit he has it controlled by his gear

AHAHAHA DIN YOU CLEVER BITCH I LOVE YOU

THE BABY’S LIL RASPBERRY NOISE

DIN’S LITTLE SHRUG

OH GOD I LOVE THIS FAMILY SO FUCKIN’ MUCH

And we get our title! The Passenger!!!!

And here we get our Stronk Man carryin’ everything himself

Damn but I really do love him

Him and his broad shoulders

And yaaaaaay here’s Peli again!

And Peli’s still a legend

Is this dude’s name deadass “Dr. Mandible?”

Omg but do I love Peli

PFFF PELI COOKS THE DRAGON MEAT HILLBILLY STYLE XD

Awwwww he trusts Peli!

PFFF HER NAME IS FROG LADY

Oh no Baby Yoda thinks she’s a giant snack! xD

OH NO BABY THINKS HER BABIES ARE A GIANT SNACK

Baby noooooooo

Baby cmon don’t you mess with those eggs

Your dad needs this job!!!!!!!!

BABBBBYYYYYYY NOOOOOOOOO

DON’T FUCKING EAT THE CLIENT

And we got more New Republic ships!

“May the Force be with you” “And also with you” sonuvabitch why do they do that Catholic thing too

Uh oh these dudes are gonna try and shoot him ahaha

AHAHAHAHAHA IT’S FUCKING DAVE FILONI AGAIN

AHAHAHAHAHAHA DAVE YOU DEADASS NAMED YOURSELF “WOLF”

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN

Damn I love me a man who can fly

OH HEY HEY HEY THEY’RE ON ILUM

Oh shit hope Din didn’t break any more of those eggs

Wellllllll if it broke the ship AND knocked Din out in that beskar armor I’m not holding out much hope for those eggs

Awwwwww Frog Lady!!!!

SHIT WHERE’S BABY YODA

and he’s fucking eating the frog eggs again you little shit

Pfffff did Din like, purposefully give the kiddo a lunchbox to make it look like he can’t eat those eggs

Hey hey her eggs are cold!!!!!!!!!!

i just want her eggs to be safe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aw baby snuggling with Dad!

Oh shit smart Frog Lady!!!!!!

OOOOOOOF GUILT TRIP

BABY BE JUDGING HIM LIKE HE DIDN’T EAT LIKE FIVE TO TEN OF THOSE EGGS xD

Awwww atta boy Din you’re a good person

Hey maybe if they’re on Ilum and the First Order hasn’t fucking destroyed it yet maaaaaybe some of the planet’s remaining inner Force resonance could help Baby Yoda figure something out???

Oh this gives me big “Zeb and Kallus stuck on the ice moon in Rebels” vibes

Let’s hope that means no giant monsters

Lol Din he’s a baby he can use the Force, not fix ships

Ahaha dammit Frog Lady ran off

How is Baby Yoda not fucking freezing in just that scrawny little burlap sack he’s in

The Force(TM) I’m guessing

Oh no don’t let Frog Lady be dead

Yoooooo hotsprings!

Gah this is REALLY giving me Rebels vibes

BABY NOOOOO

Uh oh these things Also look like eggs

AND THE THINGS INSIDE LOOK LIKE SPIDERS OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO

I DON’T WANT A GIANT ICE SPIDER

Oh ahaha nah we’re just getting ten thousand little ones instead

SHIIIIT NOPE THAT’S STILL NOT GOOD

Damn Frog Lady gets dressed fast

Oh THERE’S the giant spider xD

Why couldn’t it be butterflies instead?

YEAH FLAMETHROWER THE SPIDERS

Aw Frog Lady’s helping the baby!!!!!

DIN DON’T FUCKING SHOOT THINGS OFF YOUR SON’S

Oh that was Frog Lady lol

Goddammit Shelob’s back

Oh SHIT she got them Pennywise teeth

Oh shit oh shit oh shit who’s shooting her????

Is it the New Republic guys?

Oh yeah it is!

Oh hey thanks Dave Wolf Man!

Awwwww the security showed Din’s a good guy I’m gonna cry

Pfffff but they’re still gonna leave him to get his own ass off the rock xD

Soooooo was that Ilum or not?

I fucking love Din’s deadpan sense of humor ahaha

HE FUCKING STOLE ANOTHER EGG BABY NOOOOOOOOOOO

Aw this was a cute episode

Kinda filler-y, especially if there’s only gonna be eight total again, but hey, we got to see the baby being a little shit, I’m satisfied

And more Dave!

Still can’t fucking believe he named himself “Wolf” the man has a theme and he’s sticking to it I respect that

#liveblogging the mando show #sw the mando show #mando man of mystery #the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian season 2 spoilers #star wars #sw #sw spoilers #star wars spoilers

13 notes · View notes

apenapaperandadoofus · 4 years

Note

A random little party between the RFA members. Seven fortnite dances on Caramel Dansen, Yoosung convinces Saeran to drink with him, Zen is throwing Jumin's cat outside while Jumin tries to save his furry queen, Jaehee constantly brings new bottles, V silently sips on his wine and watches in horror. Work on whoever you want. Throw in some baby seals too, since they're your favorite

Can I just say, I love the energy in the studio today pftttt

Alright let’s start working on it PFTTT

Also, thank you, for aknowledging the seals, they are indeed my favorite pft

.......

So the RFA wanted to do a little party for themselves you know? And you thought, hell why not, let’s spend some time together. Besides, it’s way easier that making the whole RFA fundraising party, and you’re sure it would be great!

Hahaha sike

So as soon as you get there, Yoosung will just start drinking like crazy. He’s just BLASTED. He’s also just been through all those seven stages of grief, he’s just angry and then sad, and then at one point he just stood in the corner wondering about his life decisions.

Seven, meanwhile, decides to get away from his super drunk friend and start causing chaos. He puts on Caramel Danse at full volume, and starts doing flips and all the fortnite dancing he knows.

And then Yoosung decided to drunkenly join him, but he fell to his face, so Saeran,being the only one responsible in the group (Jaehee was so fucking done to actually help at this point) took his aquaintance and made him sit on a chair.

Then Yoosung stood up and asked Saeran if he wanted a drink, to which he said no, but then Yoosung kept insisting and it came to the point where Saeran yeets him over the table, and probably starts having a mental breakdown because he realizes what his life has become, while his twin brother turns the volume even louder and starts dancing frantically.

On the other side of the room, Jumin came back from ordering some food for the most special person to him, his reason for living and the only one who could make him smile, the love of his life.

His cat.

But. Elizabeth wasn’t there. Jumin looks around the room and sees that Saeyoung is too busy dancing, so he couldn’t have been it. Then he keeps looking around, and he realizes that the only one who isn’t there is Zen.

He immediately leaves the room and starts running around frantically, opening every single room and running up the stairs (you were having a party in a fancy and bug add mansion that Jumin rented for all of you) out of breath, determined to get his Princess before anything happens to her.

On the other side of the room, Jaehee has had a few too many drinks to deal with all the chaos going on. When she sees that Jumin is gone, she goes up to the room and starts rapping all Agretsuko style, just roasting Jumin.

Then when she’s done, she goes back to the table and starts having a mid life crisis while V tries to comfort her. But then, while V is doing that, he heard the bell ring and he quickly got up to answer it.

“Yes hell......o?” V stared at the seals in uniforms in front of him. What the fuck.

“Hello sir we’re here to offer you a subscription for a daily dose of seratonin. You get the first three months free if you sign up now. You can also try out seven day free trial. You really look like you could use some seratonin buddy, so I actually wouldn’t refuse.” One of the seals said.

Before V could answer, Seven grabbed the mic nearest to him, and still furiously dancing, he shouted “V I ACTUALLY NEED SERATONIN I DOMT HAVE ANY. I’m depressed.” He said, as his moves went from frantically to sad. Yoosung hugged his friend and grabbed the microphone from him. “DAMMIT V LOOK WHAT YOU DID. SEVEN DOESNT HAVE ENOUGH SERATONIN BECAUSE OF YOU, BITCH, I DONT HAVE ENOUGH SERATONIN BECAUSE OF YOU, CAN SOMEONE ARREST THIS MAN?? HES GUILTY OF EVERYTHING!”

V ended up getting seratonin for everyone.

Meanwhile, in the roof of the mansion, Zen and Jumin stood facing each other, fiercely, Zen gripping Elizabeth the third tightly in his arms.

Jumin glared at his enemy. “Zen. Put her. Down. She has nothing to do with this, this is just between you, and me.”

Zen glared back, but nodded and put Elizabeth on a cage. Then, he got in a fighting stance.

“I’m ready when you are, Jumin Han.” He sniffed, as holding Elizabeth had made him super teary eyed and made his nose runny. Jumin got in a fighting stance too, and nodded.

“Let’s do this.”

Meanwhile, Saeran kept having a mental breakdown, alongside with Jaehee who was ready to throw a chair at Seven.

V could only watch in horror as his friends started either breaking down, crying, or just started dancing through the pain.

You were in a corner, questioning your life decisions and why you were friends with them again.

Then you all heard a loud crash come through the roof.

Jumin and Zen kept fighting,Jumin, using all his pent up anger inside of his father and just everything else, kept throwing lasers at Zen, who in return,used his allergies as fuel for his power.

They were both so angry that they just ascended and became super powerful beings.

“I HAVE THE HIGHGROUND JUMIN. YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT ME NOW.”

Everything ended though, when Elizabeth the third suddenly came between them.

And then, she transformed into Rika.

Everyone in the RFA gasped at the sudden turn of events, but Rika laughed evilly and glared at everyone below her (the roof had come off and everyone in the RFA had come up to the floor below, so now they were just out in the open air.)

“Ara ara, if it isn’t my dear friends from the RFA. Did you seriously think you had defeated me?! I WILL BRING HAPPINESS UPON ALL OF YOU WETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, FUFUFUFU!!!”

“Oh no we won’t!!!” You screamed, and grabbed each of the RFA memebers hands, Jumin and Zen now in your group.

You all grabbed hands while looking at Rika.

“WE HAVE FRIENDSHIP BITCH!” You yelled.

“AND A LOT OF SERATONIN!” Yoosung screamed from behind you.

“DONT MESS WITH US, RIKA, WE HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON OUR SIDE!”

All of you began to shoot a rainbow colored beam at Rika, and she screamed in pain.

“DAMMIT, TEAMWORK AND FRIENDSHIP, MY TWO WEAKNESSES. Ok welp I guess I lost now.”

The RFA members gave a cheer as Rika descended and sat in a corner, gloomily sulking.

Meanwhile, each of the RFA members danced around the room, and some of them drank, singing loudly to Caramel Dansen, which was on a ten hour loop.

Zen and Jumin stood off to the side.

“Zen. I have a question for you. Back when Rika was still Elizabeth, why did you really despise her so much? I get that you have allergies -my solution for that is just don’t- but I don’t get why you wanted to go the extra mile to get rid of her.”

Zen sighed and turned around to face Jumin, and he blushed as he cupped Jumin’s face with his hands. Zen leaned close, their lips about to touch. And then he said:

“Because I hate you, you dumb fuck.”

Then you punched Zen in the face because no one talks to our baby Jumin like that.

In the end, everyone ended up crying, while still dancing of course.

The next day when you woke up, you all left as if nothing had happened.

When you came home you threw yourself on your bed,sighing.

I mean, you never thought a party with only them would be this tiring.

But let’s be honest. What else were you expecting?

I don’t know how to finish the story now, so let’s just say that maybe the seals became super rich from selling seratonin, and now they are the CEO’s of six super successful companies.

The end I guess.

I don’t know what the fuck I just wrote.

I woke up at five AM to this, and I tried going back to sleep but I couldn’t.

It’s now 7am, and I’m supposed to get up at 9.

I also have a lot of homework to do so that sucks.

I don’t know why you’re still reading this.

.....

Drink water goddamit.

#mystic messenger #jumin han #saeyoung choi #mysme #saeran choi #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jihyun mysme #choi bois

10 notes · View notes

ao3feed-darklina · 4 years

Link

by ray_of_freakin_sunshine

Alina Starkov hid her power from the Grisha examiners when she was eight, but decided to practice her power in secret. Her best friend and fellow orphan, Mal, finds out and struggles to shed his anti-Grisha opinions to keep her hidden. Their plan works until a Grisha examiner wanders into their meadow hang out and spies Alina using her powers when they are thirteen. Despite her protests, Alina is dragged to the Little Palace to meet the Darkling and join the Second Army.

- Alina and Mal's conversation in R&R about what would have happened if she was discovered at eight (and the rest of the book) absolutely wrecked my heart, so here is an alternative take.-

Words: 811, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Grishaverse - Fandom, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo, Shadow and Bone

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M

Characters: Mal Oretsev, Alina Starkov, Ana Kuya, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova, Baghra (The Grisha Trilogy), Genya Safin, Ivan (The Grisha Trilogy)

Relationships: Mal Oretsev/Alina Starkov, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova & Alina Starkov

Additional Tags: young Alina, young Mal, cannon divergent backstory, Mal hates on Grisha oof, shadow and bone - Freeform, Keramzin, Baghra still calls Alina 'foolish girl', cuz who's Baghra without name calling, Sun Summoner, I'm writing this fic cuz Ruin and Rising wrecked my heart, I just need some seratonin, but Leigh Bardugo took all mine cuz DARKLINA WAS MY OTP DAMMIT

#IFTTT #ao3feed #darklina #alarkling #the darkling x alina

1 note · View note

medicatedcretin · 7 years

Text

It's all over, boys - Sat 21/01/2017

We can go home now. I think I’m finally starting to see the end of this withdrawal. It’s been about a month since my last dose of 37.5mg Venlafaxine, and it’s been a rough last couple of weeks. Rough, but tolerable. Made a lot easier by the Christmas break at the start, the New Years break a few days later, and a week off a week and a bit later again (where Jono and I went up to Paihia and stayed in a motel on the beach. It was epic). I was a mess, of course. An angry, tetchy, impossible son of a bitch. But Jono was amazing. He let me off the hook so many times i lost count. And just when I thought I couldn’t handle it anymore, I’d go mad, I was just too much of a handful to expect anyone to suffer with me with the future so uncertain, he’d be there egging me on, telling me I can do it, I’m not a piece of shit: I’m doing just great, and we’d just power through it. He was my little shoulder angel when I thought my self worth had abandoned me, and I could not have done it without him. I’ll level with you here: I almost broke up with him. I was fully prepared to cut him loose because I really thought it wasn’t fair. I was too much hard work, and my ex was right: nobody would ever be able to tolerate my bullshit. But, bless him, he straight up told me he wouldn’t give up on me. “We are in this together, dammit” he said, “and damned if I’m gonna quit on you now. Not now, not ever.” I tell you, when he said that I cried until I thought I’d shrivel up from dehydration. I don’t deserve this person. It’s getting better. I’m less angry, I barely ever have to take my DHA supplements for the brain shocks: only when I get really tired or stressed. My heart rate is a bit all over the place, but the doc said that’s to be expected. He said my adrenaline supplier gauge is a bit out of whack now that my seratonin levels are getting levelled out and so it’s pumping me full of excess all the time, giving me nasty palpitations and tachycardia. My mum says that this actually runs in the family but good old Egor says I just have to take a couple of beta blockersa day for a week or two and my gauge will reset itself and soon enough, i won’t even need those anymore. I’m on half a seroquel at night for sleep but after a few days I’ll be off those, too. Just on my daily patroptazole for my GORD. I don’t take Strattera every day now. If I’m tired or need to be extra into it at work, I can take one but they don’t seem to be doing much. I can function fine without them, and there’s no nasty side effects if I stop taking them all of a sudden. If you’d like to know how I got through it, here’s a list if the advice I was given, and that actually helped make a difference. I hope anyone wanting to get off medication will be helped by this.

1 - TALK TO YOR DOCTOR BEFORE DOING ANYTHING. I was an idiot and tried to do it myself, over my holidays, before discussing it with Egor. I know, I know. I got the pep talk from him, too. Don’t try to be a hero. Your doctor knows his shit. Sometimes they fuck up but they know a hell of a lot more than you or mr google does about these things. Tell him your plans and let them help you. It doesn’t have to be a time of immense suffering. It’s always going to be shit, but there are ways you can make it less shit, and talking it through and planning it with your doc is one of them.

2- Routine. Most important thing. This was exactly why my doc told me off for trying to do it during a holiday. Not only do you need your network of support open for business (ie, your doctor, pharmacy etc) but you need a structure to your day that stems from the regular and expected. Wake up at the same time. Activities, boom, boom, boom. Regular bed time. It helped me SO MUCH.

3 - Sleep aids. Boy, will you need these. Insomnia is the quickest way to derail your progress, and it will happen. No sleep, feel shit. Feel shit + feel shit = disaster. It just makes everything seem impossibly hard. Your doc will recommend the best type, but don’t fall for herbal crap. Times like this, you’ll need the heavy duty shit. Usually for a couple of nights to get you back into the real world, then you can use things like magnesium, melatonin, rescue remedy. At first, use what your doc prescribes.

4 - EXERCISE. A walk isn’t enough. Get those endorphins going, every day. At least 30 mins of your heart rate going 1/3 a above its usual. You should be sweating and gasping by the end. Then have a shower, hot or cold (weather and desire dependant). You’re welcome.

5 - Keep busy. I can’t stress this enough. You can’t be sitting around “relaxing”. Nu-uh, not now. Not good. You gotta keep everything moving around in that head of yours, all the time. Simple things. Make a list if you get stuck. Do the washing. Clean the house. 2 minutes breathing exercises. Walk the dog. 1 episode of a good TV show. Go to the library, read a book. Go swimming. Don’t feel like doing anything? too f*king bad. Make yourself. This is where having a relentlessly helpful partner is useful. Annoying af, but you’ll bless him later. You’ll probably be the most productive during this time than ever before in your life.

6 - Pick something you would enjoy doing and schedule it for at least once a week. Look forward to it. If you don’t end up liking it, try something else. An art class, dancing lessons, riding lessons, learn a language, creative writing course. Anything. You don’t have to socialise at it, there’s no pressure to “make new friends” or whatever (if that freaks you out) just pick something you’ll like, and do your best to get a kick out of it. It also has the bonus that its homework is another thing to add to your list of Things To Do.

That’s really it as far as my experience went. I’m still working through it, but the mess I’m wading through now doesn’t feel as thick anymore. I feel like it’s receding. The hardest part is flying headlong into the unknown. Up until now, I’d never had a single day in my adult life living unmedicated. The hardest thing was during the really shitty times, never being 100% sure that it would pass, that things would get better. This was …is… totally uncharted territory. I’m just making this up as I go along. But, I guess, so are most of us. All of us, really. And, for the most part, my days of depending on the familiar are over. I still don’t know who I am, but I’m getting to be okay with that. It’ll come. Peace out, guys.

#quitting medication #cold turkey #venlafaxine

4 notes · View notes

onepartbrave · 3 years

Note

His eyes of pure twilight seem to blink, only once as his expression falls into something unexplainable for a moment, he hesitantly reaches out. Slowly taking the other's hand into his own grasp, a faint secure grasp...sharing more comfort than it rightfully should. "I-..." He displays anxiety, a bubbling emotions of for a moment anger. Perhaps frustrated with himself. "Gaia dammit Squall. If I was scared that you of all people would do that, would I allow myself against sheer instinct to still be here? No. Your the most considerate gentlemen who manages to radiate enough seratonine to make my tormented heart beat again." His hands find their way to Squall's shoulders, a gentle squeeze. "I want to ride the damn aftershocks of this crazy world with you, Friend or more. Because- Because...you make me feel like I'm actually someone and...I love you for it." A faint few tears roll down the male's face, twilight eyes glassy yet still sparkling. Despite the faint quiver in his frame of such sheer strong emotions. "Please just...stop avoiding me like you have been after that day. I can't handle it."

When Copycat reaches out, Squall doesn’t deny him the touch he clearly yearns. When digits wrap around his own in a faint gesture of support, expressing comfort, he returns it tenfold, extending the sentiment from his side. He holds on like he won’t let go even if asked to. If it’s what Strife needs currently, he can grant that.

Surprise bowls him over when that placating pressure from the gesture is trumped by irked ire. Copycat’s words stun him—have I really done all that for him?—rendering the brunet more at a loss for words than usual. Staring incomprehensively, Squall impatiently waits out the tirade and allows Strife the security blanket of a ‘safe space’. To vent, to gripe, whatever it was, he doesn’t care. He welcomes it all.

Accordingly, that open acceptance lures in Copycat’s softer side, so quickly, so greatly, it blindsides Squall the moment the blond admits he loves him. Him. Someone the blond has seen as authority for however long (that transformed into close, adored companionship) and he…

Loves me? Such a foreign concept it was. Despite having people he knows would die fighting by his side, authentic ‘love’ is rarely expressed. Unless one of them is in peril of course, but that’s another matter entirely. In the here and now, one of the people Squall expected to the least has stumped him.

Salty tears alarm him the most, creating an edge to the buzzing mess clouding his mind. The edge brings back awareness and clarity of the situation; Strife is baring his heart to him, the least he can do is response appropriately in spite of feeling as lost as he looks.

“H-hey,” he says softly, a minor stutter to begin. Stammering as his heart feels, beating so rapidly in his chest. Shaking loose of any grip the other has, Squall besets Copycat, getting all up in his space to enable the soothing embrace he needs to give. Pulling the shorter frame nearer to him, he wraps his arms securely about the slighter man, head pulled to the side so his cheek can rest against soft, blond spikes. “Don’t—don’t cry. I’m sorry I avoided you. I just…” He trails off briefly, sighing softly against silky strands before confessing to the reason behind it all. “…I’m scared. I don’t know what to do.”

#makosoulclone #how dare you send this while I was at work >:V

3 notes · View notes

ao3feed-grishaverse · 4 years

Text

Light in the Meadow

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2PBgLSy

by ray_of_freakin_sunshine

- Alina and Mal's conversation in R&R about what would have happened if she was discovered at eight (and the rest of the book) absolutely wrecked my heart, so here is an alternative take.-

Words: 811, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Grishaverse - Fandom, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo, Shadow and Bone

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M

Characters: Mal Oretsev, Alina Starkov, Ana Kuya, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova, Baghra (The Grisha Trilogy), Genya Safin, Ivan (The Grisha Trilogy)

Relationships: Mal Oretsev/Alina Starkov, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova & Alina Starkov

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2PBgLSy

#the grisha trilogy #grisha trilogy fanfic #tgt fanfic #grishaverse #ao3feed-grishaverse

0 notes

imgurlover-blog · 7 years

Text

It's all over, boys. 21/01/2017

We can go home now. I think I'm finally starting to see the end of this withdrawal. It's been about a month since my last dose of 37.5mg venlafaxine, and it's been a rough last couple of weeks. Rough, but tolerable. Made a lot easier by the Christmas break at the start, the New Years break a few days later, and a week off a week and a bit later again (where Jono and I went up to Paihia and stayed in a motel on the beach. It was epic). I was a mess, of course. An angry, tetchy, impossible son of a bitch. But Jono was amazing. He let me off the hook so many times i lost count. And just when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore, I'd go mad, I was just too much of a handful to expect anyone to suffer with me with the future so uncertain, he'd be there egging me on, telling me I can do it, I'm not a piece of shit: I'm doing just great, and we'd just power through it. He was my little shoulder angel when I thought my self worth had abandoned me, and I could not have done it without him. I'll level with you here: I almost broke up with him. I was fully prepared to cut him loose because I really thought it wasn't fair. I was too much hard work, and my ex was right: nobody would ever be able to tolerate my bullshit. But, bless him, he straight up told me he wouldn't give up on me. "We are in this together, dammit" he said, "and damned if I'm gonna quit on you now. Not now, not ever." I tell you, when he said that I cried until I thought I'd shrivel up from dehydration. I don't deserve this person. It's getting better. I'm less angry, I barely ever have to take my DHA supplements for the brain shocks: only when I get really tired or stressed. My heart rate is a bit all over the place, but the doc said that's to be expected. He said my adrenaline supplier gauge is a bit out of whack now that my seratonin levels are getting levelled out and so it's pumping me full of excess all the time, giving me nasty palpitations and tachycardia. My mum says that this actually runs in the family but good old Egor says I just have to take a couple of beta blockersa day for a week or two and my gauge will reset itself and soon enough, i won't even need those anymore. I'm on half a seroquel at night for sleep but after a few days I'll be off those, too. Just on my daily patroptazole for my GORD. I don't take strattera every day now. If I'm tired or need to be extra into it at work, I can take one but they don't seem to be doing much. I can function fine without them, and there's no nasty side effects if I stop taking them all of a sudden. If you'd like to know how I got through it, here's a list if the advice I was given, and that actually helped make a difference. I hope anyone wanting to get off medication will be helped by this. 1 - TALK TO YOR DOCTOR BEFORE DOING ANYTHING. I was an idiot and tried to do it myself, over my holidays, before discussing it with Egor. I know, I know. I got the pep talk from him, too. Don't try to be a hero. Your doctor knows his shit. Sometimes they fuck up but they know a hell of a lot more than you or mr google does about these things. Tell him your plans and let them help you. It doesn't have to be a time of immense suffering. It's always going to be shit, but there are ways you can make it less shit, and talking it through and planning it with your doc is one of them. 2- Routine. Most important thing. This was exactly why my doc told me off for trying to do it during a holiday. Not only do you need your network of support open for business (ie, your doctor, pharmacy etc) but you need a structure to your day that stems from the regular and expected. Wake up at the same time. Activities, boom, boom, boom. Regular bed time. It helped me SO MUCH. 3 - Sleep aids. Boy, will you need these. Insomnia is the quickest way to derail your progress, and it will happen. No sleep, feel shit. Feel shit + feel shit = disaster. It just makes everything seem impossibly hard. Your doc will recommend the best type, but don't fall for herbal crap. Times like this, you'll need the heavy duty shit. Usually for a couple of nights to get you back into the real world, then you can use things like magnesium, melatonin, rescue remedy. At first, use what your doc prescribes. 4 - EXERCISE. A walk isn't enough. Get those endorphins going, every day. At least 30 mins of your heart rate going 1/3 a above its usual. You should be sweating and gasping by the end. Then have a shower, hot or cold (weather and desire dependant). You're welcome. 5 - Keep busy. I can't stress this enough. You can't be sitting around "relaxing". Nu-uh, not now. Not good. You gotta keep everything moving around in that head of yours, all the time. Simple things. Make a list if you get stuck. Do the washing. Clean the house. 2 minutes breathing exercises. Walk the dog. 1 episode of a good TV show. Go to the library, read a book. Go swimming. Don't feel like doing anything? too f*king bad. Make yourself. This is where having a relentlessly helpful partner is useful. Annoying af, but you'll bless him later. You'll probably be the most productive during this time than ever before in your life. 6 - Pick something you would enjoy doing and schedule it for at least once a week. Look forward to it. If you don't end up liking it, try something else. An art class, dancing lessons, riding lessons, learn a language, creative writing course. Anything. You don't have to socialise at it, there's no pressure to "make new friends" or whatever (if that freaks you out) just pick something you'll like, and do your best to get a kick out of it. It also has the bonus that its homework is another thing to add to your list of Things To Do. That's really it as far as my experience went. I'm still working through it, but the mess I'm wading through now doesn't feel as thick anymore. I feel like it's receding. The hardest part is flying headlong into the unknown. Up until now, I'd never had a single day in my adult life living unmedicated. The hardest thing was during the really shitty times, never being 100% sure that it would pass, that things would get better. This was ...is... totally uncharted territory. I'm just making this up as I go along. But, I guess, so are most of us. All of us, really. And, for the most part, my days of depending on the familiar are over. I still don't know who I am, but I'm getting to be okay with that. It'll come. Peace out, guys.

0 notes