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pvterparkours · 6 years

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Sincerely, Not Yours (2)

paring ; Harrison Osterfield x Female Reader

au ; ceo! harrison

words ; 2878

summary ; When Harold Spencer’s daughter’s casual summer fling comes back to bite her in the ass, literally, life seems to create an ever lasting domino effect upon the Spencer empire.

warning(s) ; angst. sexual humour. mentions of criminal activity. smut. swearing. all the fluffy shit. drinking. slight mentions of rehab. did i mention angst? there is a smut scene so yeah here’s that warning, nothing to graphic.

authors note ;

ADD YOURSELF TO MY TAGLIST

this story is very slow burn on the readers part. anything in italics is a flashback. i have given the reader a last name and named all their family members. but other than that its all still reader insert.

The trill sound of having received a notification makes your head lull to the side to take a glance down at the phone screen, illuminated with unflattering text message from your father with yet another one of his agitating requests for you to do. You figured out his motive after the board meeting last week, he took advantage of your inability to decline and continued to extend his stay in the Maldives with your mom. So, this had technically meant you were Spencer Industries sub CEO for the time being, meaning you had to face the dreaded office every day for god knows how long your father tortured you with this supposed “opportunity for greatness.”

He'd claim it was just a business statement and that with Blake out of the picture he needed someone to continue his legacy and you were the next in line, no harm no foul were his exact words when you confronted him via skype. Your hand slam on the desk as the call disconnects yet again, you let out a long sigh and in a state of utter frustrated you tossed the fake potted plant sitting on the desk across the office as it bounced off the glass door.

Your fingers rake feverishly through your hair as, yet another notification appears on your screen, this time something concerning about a business meeting in London. Your fingers carefully manoeuvre around the track pad, double clicking on the email from your father an annoyed scowl plastered on your face at the one sentence email.

‘I’m needed in London, so you’re going with Harrison instead.’

Your eyes remain focused on the screen as you continue to read and re-read the single sentence. Your father really was out to get you, it wasn’t a purposeful thing he didn’t have a clue what happened last summer. Not that you were going to tell him either. It wasn’t his business to know every small detail about your trip, that was something you wanted to keep to yourself.

Your dramatic gesture of having thrown the fake plant across the room moments ago had peeked Harrisons curiosity as he peered over his assistants’ shoulder to gain a proper view of you, more specifically the look of pure confusion your face held after looking at whatever was on your screen. It caused him to bite back a low chuckle taking a quick stab in the dark at perhaps you had read your fathers email.

You push the chair back roughly, standing up and walking over to the office door, your hand runs through your hair avoiding eye contact with Harrison as he takes yet another glance over at you. A slow forming headache seems to be fighting its way to your temples causing you to chew on the inside of your cheek as you searched the pockets of your jacket for the advil you had put in there from the morning.

“Ah Ms Spencer” Harrisons voice spoke slightly out of breath as he jogged to catch up to you, your hesitant to turn only to throw your head over your shoulder an eyebrow risen as his lips turn into a cheeky smile. “You don’t have to be so formal Harrison” You mumble turning yourself right around to face him directly, arms crossed over your chest as your eyebrow remains risen.

The tension between the two of you was quite literally choking you, as you swallowed hard to remove the lump that was slowly forming in the middle of your throat. You watched as his Adams apple bobbed and his hand raked through his hair and it had quite literally taken you all the sheer willpower in you to not do it yourself.

“I feel like you’d much rather prefer the formalities Y/N” He states, unsure if it was to amuse himself or frustrate you. To which it had done both. You grit your teeth and your jaw slightly clenches.

“Oh, is that so? Care to elaborate Osterfield” “’m positive you wouldn’t like being called baby doll in the workplace”

If you hadn’t of been trying your hardest to create an unnecessary amount of tension between both Harrison and yourself things would have gone differently. Your tongue lightly licks your lips as your stepped forward, lips dangerous close to his earlobe as your smirk.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t be over the moon being called daddy during a board meeting” You state stepping back and shrug your shoulders. Your quick to turn on your heels and walk away you didn’t catch his reactions but the muttered of curse words under his breath had indicated quite clearly to you just the power you had over him. Especially in these circumstances. A truly exhilarating feeling if you were being honest.

You hadn’t managed to get half way through forcibly shoving in a pair of slacks into the one suitcase because you ‘needed them’ based on your assumption that just because your phone had told you it was going to be cold in London. Your hand pushed the baby hair lining your forehead out of the way as your fingers tug on the zipper of the suitcase. Cheering to yourself for having successfully managed to condense your itinerary for you to only need a suitcase and a carry-on bag.

Then came the knocking, you weren’t expecting anyone, at least for another hour or so. Confusion swept across your face as you socked feet padded across your studio apartment, hair tucked behind one ear with the pen you had been using to tick off your list. You lean up slightly to look through the peephole and you’re disappointed it’s not the pizza that you never ordered but not surprised to see the back of the familiar head of dirty blonde curls.

You’re slow to open the door, sliding the chain through the long tauntingly knowing he can hear it. A cheeky smile found its way on your face as you lean against the half open door an eyebrow slightly raised. “Oh, are we into stalking now Osterfield” You ask holding back any laughter that fought to break your persona for the time being.

“No, not stalking, more so being made to take you to the airport because your driver had to bail, somethin’ about his kid getting food poisoning, maybe I wasn’t sure I just skimmed over the email from your father”

Your stance turned in an annoyed drop of your shoulders to which you huffed. You understood the reasoning behind your driver had to bail because of a family emergency, your father on the other hand was a different. He could have sent for a different driver but alas he sent Harrison which in itself was reasonable from your fathers view point, but you couldn’t be certain how long you could last in this self-induced sexual tension. That was your own fault for starting this mess in the first place.

Harrison leaned slightly against the door frame, feet crossed as his seemed to just stare at you for a hot minute, taking in the sight of your hair slightly amess and flicked over your shoulder, you’re still wearing the blouse from the morning, but you had swapped the skirt for a pair of sweats. Not the most appealing look but to Harrison he found you adorable either way.

“Earth to Y/N you kind of zoned out for a moment” He chuckles pushing the sleave of his button up shirt to reveal his watch as he quickly checks the time before returning his gaze to look at you. Your lips press into a firm line as you open the door to let him before rushing off to fix yours.

“Just take a seat or something, there’s no need to look so uncomfortable Harrison” You shout from your bedroom quickly put your work attire back on smoothing out any creases in both your skirt and blouse. Pinning your hair back and out of your face you grab your suitcase and carry-on bag.

“When I said make yourself comfortable I didn’t mean stare at my photos” You let out a slight breath of annoyance as Harrison is quick to react placing the photo frame back on the hallway table. You stood a few feet away from him arm slightly crossed as he turns to look at you. “Tell me about it…the photo I mean?” “No” “Why not?” “It’s none of your business Harrison.”

“It’s a photo of you, your dad and a male who looks a few years older than you. Is he an ex-boyfriend you haven’t gotten over? Fiancé?” His questions only seemed to annoy you further as you shook your head silently praying he’d give up on prying further into your life than he already has.

“Just drop It okay, people have secrets and sometimes they don’t need to tell everyone who asks. Now let’s leave or we’ll be arriving later than planned” You mumble blowing out a breath as you pushed past him wheeling the suitcase out into the hall. He was quick to help you grabbing he suitcase for you as you locked your apartment.

The car ride to the airport was contained in an uncomfortable and unwavering silence that truly has you sitting on the edge of your seat ready to leap out of the car and head back to your apartment. Your brain was trying to wrap around the initial idea as to why Harrison wanted to know about the picture. Your eyes carefully watched the road as he pulls out of the drive way, his hand moves to switch the gear stick into drive when you flinch unknowingly as his fingers slightly brush against the skin on your thigh.

Your unaware that with every red light the car stop at Harrison is bitting down on his tongue, eager to delve deeper into your life. To him you were a book that hadn’t been read in a while, but the author still kept updating because they weren’t one with you right at this moment. Your story was something Harrison knew he didn’t need to know but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t curious as to how you came to be the way you were.

Your jaw remains clenched the entirety of the drive to the airport as the car remains in a stoic silence neither one of your brave enough to break the silence. You let out a soft exhale of breath once he pulls up into the airport parking, it had soon clicked that you weren’t taking a commercial flight like you normally opted for when you flew. Instead your father had arranged to take the company jet because this was a ‘business meeting’ after all.

You were greeted with a warm smile from the pilot as you hand off the suitcase to one of the workers loading the luggage whilst your grip remains tight around your carry-on and you’re quick to pick a seat near the back of the plane sitting down comfortably in the leather clad seating. Your head lulls to the side slightly as you watch Harrison sit in a few seats in front of you, you’re chewing on the inside of your cheek as if a natural reaction to that guilty feeling residing in your stomach. There was just far too much detail to go into with a story like that and with the limited time you have you highly doubt he’d ever understand a cliff note version.

The air hostess is quick to offer you a glass of bubbly to which you thank her and down is quickly as you cross and uncross your legs in an attempt to sit comfortably. Your head rests against the window as take-off commences and slowly the landing strip is disappearing behind a layer of clouds. A small tap against your knee disrupts your somewhat day dream as Harrison is sitting, slightly slouched, in the chair across from you. He’s got an unreadable expression on his face and you somehow know he wants to ask about what happened before. You’re slowly moving to sit up quickly taking your phone and unlocking it to show him a series of photos.

“The male in the photo with my father and I was my older brother, Blake” You state quickly as your finger swipes to show the next one, Harrison seems only to nod his head remaining silent as you continue on with your explanation. “He used to be a personal trainer before his wife cheated on him with one of his clients, he started an argument during one of their sessions and he was fired and never really found his way back to a stable life and career…” Your shifting uncomfortably and Harrison takes a notice of this before slowly reach his hand out to squeeze your knee.

“Hey, you don’t have to keep telling me if you don’t think you can handle it” His voice was soft and sent a chill up your spine forming a thin layer of goose bumps over your arms and legs. You give him a sweet smile, a genuine one that you’ve been holding back for a while.

Reaching out you’re moving a small strand of hair out of his face finding that comforting factor between the two of you where your mind goes slightly adrift reminiscing on your summer fling. Your lips purse into a small line as you sit back in your seat, eyes never once leaving Harrison as he does a double take behind him and he’s moving closer to you. Sinking off the chair, your breath hitches in your throat as his hands carefully shift your legs apart causing the black pencil skirt to rid up slightly. His eyes look up as your pressing your knuckle between your teeth watching his hands push your skirt up further and your legs move autonomously to where his face is situated perfectly between your thighs. His lips pepper sweet kisses from the side of your knee to your inner thigh, his teeth nip softly at the tender skin and you’re already squirming slightly.

He lets out a slow chuckle and his breath hits your heat at just the right angle that a small squeak falls from your lips and his eyes snap up to look at you. A slightly confused but mostly cheeky look falls on his face at the sound you had made and how he wanted you to do it again. His hands force your skirt up to rest on your hips moving it out of his way, his eyes look over your body as his fingers dance around your clothed heat. You knew from the moment he had begun kissing your leg that you had already begun to grow more aroused and the pool of wetness in your panties was a clear indication of that.

“Jesus, you’re already so wet baby” He mumbles his fingers slowly push your panties aside, moving his index and middle fingers to trace the slit between your folds. Sucking in a breath your free hand twists into his hair and pulls is gently. Harrison is quick to respond to your actions and dip his fingers inside of you moving them around slightly before his thumb trace your clit.

You’re slightly leaning your head back as your teeth sink into your own index finger to surpass the ecstatic moan that threatens to fall from your lips as his thumb on your clit is replace with the both warm and wet feeling of his tongue and you’re sent into overdrive. His fingers pump in and out of you and with every thrust they go deeper and curl slightly as a result of your hand pulling his hair.

Your whimpering slightly as his lips tease your clit, sucking on the bud, over stimulating it that you’re head goes cloudy for a small, blissful moment. Your hand that was once surpassing your moans moves to join your other hand tangled in is hair. His finger movements quicken as he feels your walls clench around his fingers slightly, your bottom lip shakes slightly as your moan breathlessly.

“Mmm f-fuck Harrison” you whimper your leg shakes and your thigh clenches around his head slightly as you’re body rocks with the sweet release of your orgasm. Your cheeks flushed a deep shade of red as he slowly pulls his fingers out, your teeth bite down on your lips as he licks off any remnants of you from his fingers.

Your chest rises and falls slowly as his leans up between your legs to press his lips to yours, savouring the taste of your own juices but also the taste of the stick of gum he had been chewing beforehand, your pulling away slowly to where your forehead is flush against his. Staring into his eyes your looking around for an answer to a question that you’ve tried your hardest to push away, especially the sort that’ll get you into trouble.

Harrison begins standing up slowly as you fix your skirt and readjust your underwear, he’s leaning down again, and you’re not surprised when he kisses your forehead. Letting his lips linger against your skin for a small moment you feel your lips twitch into a small smile. “You still taste as good as ever”

TAGLIST: @the-claire-bitch-project // @lovelyh0lland // @beautiful-holland // @lafayettes-baguettes-1 // @jaebeanz // @cutiepie-holland // @loxbbg // @sweethosterfield // @beesarebetterthanpigeons // @jtorressuck // @hollandahlia // @woah-jess // @spxderbarnes // @notimeforthemessenger // @sunshine112 // @lionsfandomsandbearsohmy // @vertigomelody // @redhoodparker // @kerguelenn // @bringmetoawonderland // @love-joeyy // @spideybitey18 // @southsidefandoms // @dolphinpink310 // @kateelyse96 //

* bold means i couldn’t tag you

#harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield au #harrison osterfield smut #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield fluff #tom holland imagine #tom holland #tom holland series #tom holland fic #harrison osterfield fic #sincerely not yours fic #sny fic #haz osterfield #ceo! haz #ceo!harrison #ceo! harrison osterfield #haz x reader

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misharuu · 4 years

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All You Had To Do Was Ask ; Part Three/Four

part one. part two.

Fandom: Naruto Shippuden (you only need basic knowledge of the fandom to enjoy this story; only the subplot mentions the canon!)

Pairing: Jiraiya x Naruto

Warnings/Tags: NSFW ; yaoi, sickfic, whump, emeto, graphic suicide attempt, self harm, alcohol abuse, gore, hallucinated character death, GRAPHIC CONTENT

Summary: Naruto is dangling over the edge. He can't cope and he can't comfort himself. He's out of options. Jiraiya leaves for a short mission and the Nine Tailed Fox uses this opportunity to make the final push. Can Jiraya save Naruto before it's too late?

Word Count: 8,054

A/N: okay so seriously. this chapter is SUPER FUCKING BLEAK. PLEASE do not read this if the mentions of suicide, alcohol abuse, suicide attempts, graphic gore, or hallucinated character deaths get to you. I can promise now that there are no non-canonical character deaths in this fic, but there is a hallucinated one as well as a very close (very detailed) suicide attempt. if you just want to get straight to the hurt/comfort I'd wait for the next chapter, but please understand that the next chapter also talks about the suicide attempt frequently.I apologize in advanced for how brutal this wound up being.

AO3. FF.

PART THREE: SHARP OBJECTS

Naruto slowly awoke, blinking the sleep from his eyes. It took a moment for the events of the previous night to come back to him, but once he remembered he couldn’t help but groan, turning over onto his back. Immediately he felt Jiraiya’s hand on his chest, causing him to jump. “You okay, kid?” Jiraiya gently asked from his position next to Naruto’s bed, dark bags accentuating his eyes. Naruto glared at the older man, turning back onto his side to avoid his gaze.

”I’m fine,” he mumbled weakly. He laid still for a moment to take a personal inventory; his headache was almost completely gone but his stomach was still uneasy. At this point he didn’t think he was sick anymore, just extremely stressed and upset.

”You’re not fine. We need to talk about last night,” Jiraiya stated, wanting to reach out and take Naruto into his arms but he resisted. He had spent most of the night taking care of Naruto as he slept restlessly; every time Jiraiya thought Naruto was finally falling asleep he'd start shaking, his hands gripping his head. Jiraiya didn't know, but the Fox was back full force, trying to torture Naruto by not letting him sleep, constantly whispering stories of chaos and gore in his ears. All Jiraiya saw was Naruto desperately grabbing his head, tears freely streaming down his face as he begged something to stop. Jiraiya was absolutely terrified, he couldn't tell whether Naruto was in pain or just begging the thoughts in his head to stop; whether the thoughts were his own mind coming apart or the Nine Tails’ doing he wasn’t sure. He'd never had to deal with anything like this before and he had no idea what to do since he couldn't get Naruto to open up to him. He couldn't even be mad at the boy because he thought it was his fault. After their sexual encounter the day before Jiraiya began to be consumed with guilt, convincing himself that he'd somehow taken advantage of Naruto. He tried to laugh it off, act like it was just a casual encounter, nothing serious, but Naruto needed to hear the exact opposite. And that's when the flood gates were opened. Naruto felt as if he was being rejected again and the Fox took advantage of his vulnerable state, continuing it's mission of trying to get Naruto to break and finally relinquish his control, allowing the Fox to take over. Naruto was fighting to keep the Fox at bay, trying to ignore it and not give it what it wanted, but at this point that was basically impossible.

"Well I'm fine now. I was sick, and now I'm not. I'm fine," Naruto repeated, just wanting to be left alone. Jiraiya narrowed his eyes, unsure how to proceed. He knew that pressing Naruto about this wouldn't end well, he didn't want him to feel forced to talk about it, but at the same time he was terrified that it would happen again. Or that Naruto would do something stupid. Jiraiya opened his mouth to respond but thought better of it, vowing instead to just stick to the boy like glue and not let him out of his sight. "I'm taking a shower," Naruto mumbled, pulling himself to his feet, surprised at how weak he felt. It was like all of the energy in his body was being siphoned off, making his head spin. 'I'm just taking what's mine; without me this is what you'd feel like all the time,' the Fox chuckled in his ears. Naruto wavered on his feet and was immediately steadied by Jiraiya, disapproval obvious on his face, but he didn't want to argue with Naruto when he was in this state.

"Good, you're starting to smell a bit ripe," Jiraiya chose to joke instead of forcing Naruto to sit back down. "I'm going downstairs to get some food for us, you need to eat something," Jiraiya ordered, unable to stop himself from staring at Naruto’s way too thin physique. Naruto just nodded as he entered the bathroom, gently closing the door behind him. He stood still for a moment as he waited to hear Jiraiya leave their room. As soon as he was sure the older man was gone he slipped his clothes off, being careful not to disturb his broken ribs. A huge bruise wrapped around the side of his chest where his rib and stomach were injured, an obvious sign that the Fox wasn't healing him. 'Lets see how long you can last before you come crawling back, begging for my help,' the Fox stated coldly. Naruto gritted his teeth, trying with all his might to ignore the Fox, not wanting to give it the satisfaction of a response. He turned on the taps and then turned to the mirror as he waited for the water to adjust. His rib cage was clearly visible through his skin, casting an unhealthy shadow. He was much too pale and his eyes looked dull, sad and lost. His stomach was growling with hunger and his weight loss disappointed him but he was afraid to eat. When the Nine Tails first started its revolt one of its favorite tactics was messing with Naruto’s senses. First it made food tasteless. Once it realized that wasn’t working it started messing with Naruto’s perception; making the food taste rotten or making it look like it was covered in maggots. Every now and then he’d be able to eat without issues but his weight loss was obvious.

He frowned at himself as he turned towards the shower, reaching a tentative hand in to check the temperature. He slowly stepped in and just stood under the water for a moment, imagining his sins washing down the drain. He quickly washed his hair and rinsed it under the jets, sighing as the warm water relaxed his tense muscles. Naruto reached out for the body soap and lathered it in his hands, enjoying the fresh scent spreading throughout the bathroom, rising with the steam. Suddenly images of the other night popped into his head; Jiraiya washing his hair for him, gently massaging his scalp, the amazing feeling of his big hands rubbing his body clean. The feeling of his fingers in his ass, spreading him wide, working hard to make him cum. Naruto shuddered as his soapy hand traveled over his hard cock, nearly gasping at the sensation. He was dripping precome, throbbing painfully, needing release.

He moaned quietly as his soapy hand stroked his length, imagining the way Jiraiya's hand felt wrapped around his cock. He panted as he leaned his forehead against the wall, his free hand sliding along his hips before resting hesitantly above his tight opening. He pressed the pad of his finger down, teasing himself, just barely dipping it in. He rubbed his entrance, experimentally dipping his finger in further, unfamiliar territory. Naruto gasped as he took in his finger down to the knuckle, just barely grazing his prostate. His legs shook with pleasure as he jerked himself off while fingering his opening, moaning freely at the newly discovered sensations, unable to restrain himself. He imagined the feeling of Jiraiya's cock thrusting into his ass as he added another finger, whining desperately as he neared completion, a slightly painful warm feeling coiling in the pit of his stomach. "A-ah!" his hips stuttered as he thrust wildly into his hand, getting lost in pleasure. “F-fuck, Jiraiya,” he moaned breathily, the mere mention of the older man’s name pushing him over the edge, ropes of cum getting washed down the drain. Naruto let his head rest against the shower wall as he panted heavily, trying to regain his composure.

‘Pathetic,’ the Fox snickered in his ear, ‘he already told you it was a mistake. You are a mistake. Just give up. No one will ever love you. You’re doomed to be alone because of what you are. It’s all for naught; once you inevitably give in to me I’ll slaughter him, eviscerate him while I force you to watch.’ The Fox’s voice boomed in his ears, making Naruto shake with fright, showing him visions of disemboweling Jiraiya with his bare hands while he helplessly watched through his own eyes. Naruto looked down at his hands and imagined them being covered in Jiraiya’s blood, gore under his fingernails. He felt sick and dizzy, gagging as the intrusive thoughts assaulted his mind. Dirty. Unclean. Monster. He tried to scrub his hands clean but no matter how much soap he used he still felt filthy. He turned the hot tap up as high as it would go, desperate to feel clean again. Naruto’s skin was red from the scalding hot water, burning and raw as he scrubbed his skin as hard as he could. Nothing was working, he could still imagine the blood coagulating on his skin. He shook uncontrollably as he turned off the taps, kneeling at the bottom of the tub as he attempted to get a hold of himself, struggling to overcome his cracking mind.

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Jiraiya slowly walked down the hallway from their room, heading to the main floor so he could get them some food. He frowned as he imagined Naruto’s thin, shaking frame, hands clamped over his ears. He just felt so fucking guilty, so unbelievably angry at himself for misinterpreting the situation. Naruto wanted him, needed him, and he pushed him away just like everyone else had. The boy was sick (in more ways than one) and rather than being there to comfort him he had pushed him over the edge, pulling the ground out from his feet. Jiraiya didn’t know what to do to fix the situation. He was thankful that Naruto’s fever was going down but in some ways he was in even worse shape, and he was scared to think about the state of the boy’s mind. Naruto admitted that the Nine Tailed Fox was messing with his head, trying to pressure him to break the seal once and for all, but he didn’t know how far the Fox was taking it. ‘That’s it, I’ll need to fix Naruto’s seal tonight, that’s the least I could do. Maybe that’ll finally put him at ease and he can start to go back to his usual self,’ Jiraiya thought to himself, not totally convinced that the fix would be so simple, but he remained hopeful.

Jiraiya stopped in front of the main desk, offering the woman behind the counter a small smile. “Oh! Sir! A message came for you just a little while ago. It seemed urgent,” she explained with a smile on her face, turning towards a stack of papers behind her. She shuffled through the pile for a moment before retrieving a small sealed scroll. “Here it is!” she exclaimed cheerfully, handing the scroll to Jiraiya. “Is there anything else I could help you with?”

Jiraiya took the small scroll and placed it in his pocket. ‘This is from Tsunade,’ he thought, curiously eyeing the seal over the flap before addressing the woman at the counter. “Yes, I’d like to order two servings of today’s lunch, please. Room two oh one,” he offered a kind smile.

”Right away, sir, you have perfect timing! I’ll have someone bring it up in just a few minutes, lunch service is about to begin,” she have a small nod before notating Jiraiya’s order. Jiraiya bowed his head in thanks before turning away from the counter, making his way to a nearby bench. He took a seat and retrieved the scroll from his pocket, preparing his hand signs. “Release!” he muttered as the seal vanished, allowing him to open the parchment. He frowned deeply as he read over his orders, cursing in his head. ‘Shit, she’s got word from an ally nearby that has information about the Akatsuki’s movements and she wants me to interview them immediately,’ Jiraiya rolled the scroll up and placed it back in his pocket. He didn’t feel comfortable leaving Naruto alone with everything that was going on, and he knew the boy was also in no shape for a mission right now, regardless of the rank, and regardless of how badly Naruto wanted to be alone. Jiraiya knew that the more someone pushed to be left alone the more they actually needed a shoulder to lean on. He had vowed to himself to stay by Naruto’s side, both to make sure he was taking care of himself and to try to mend their relationship. But an order was an order and legendary sannin or not he had to follow the direction of the hokage. ‘I’ll talk to Naruto about it and see how he responds,’ he thought to himself as he got back on his feet, quickly heading back to their room.

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When Jiraiya got back to the room Naruto was still in the bathroom. He could hear that the shower was off and he had the urge to check up on him but he didn’t want to work Naruto up again. He sat on the couch as waited for Naruto to emerge from the bathroom, keeping a watchful eye on the door.

Naruto grabbed his towel from the rack and wrapped it around his shuddering shoulders. He sat for a few moments longer, taking long deep breaths to try to calm himself. Once he felt more steady he dried off his hair and rubbed the towel across his skin. He silently got dressed and combed his hair, not daring to look at his reflection in the mirror; he didn’t feel strong enough to face himself. He placed the comb back on the counter and flung his towel over the towel rack to allow it to dry. He turned the doorknob and walked back into their room, glancing sideways at Jiraiya.

Jiraiya sighed, preparing his thoughts. Just as he was about to speak there was a knock on the door. “Food’s here!” he exclaimed as he jumped to his feet, swinging the door open and greeting the man at the door happily.

“Enjoy your lunch!” the man said as he partially rolled the serving cart over the threshold of their room. Jiraiya gave the man a thankful nod as he rolled the cart into the room, allowing the door to close behind him. “Ahh, this smells delicious!” Jiraiya smiled as he set their plates on the kitchen table, setting down their utensils before sinking into his seat on the floor.

”It does,” Naruto responded, forcing a smile. He hoped that the Nine Tails would let him eat in peace, he hadn’t eaten a real meal in days while he was sick and his stomach was completely empty, growling loudly. He settled down to his spot on the table and held his breath as he lifted the cover over his plate. He slowly lifted it, afraid to look, taking a tentative glance as soon as the cover was off. Large shrimp laid over a bed of white rice, covered in some sort of light vegetable sauce. Naruto sighed with relief, allowing an actual smile to cross his face. "This looks great, I'm starving," he beamed, picking up his chopsticks. Jiraiya smiled as he noticed Naruto's face light up, thankful that the boy was finally going to be eating something of substance, seeing a hint of the old Naruto shine through. Jiraiya picked up his chopsticks, snapped them apart, and dug in to his food, jokingly moaning as he bit into a shrimp which elicited a small giggle from Naruto.

Naruto slowly picked up one of the shrimp with his chopsticks and bit off a small piece, sighing as he realized that the food smelled and tasted great, untampered with. He finished the first shrimp and eagerly started on his rice, the sauce offering just a hint of sweetness. The vegetables were slightly crisp and fresh, mingling perfectly with the large prawns. Just as Naruto was picking up another shrimp with his chopsticks his vision started shimmering. He lowered his hand as he tried to blink it away, feeling confused as it went away just as quickly as it had come on. He turned back to his food and cringed, seeing a severed finger held in his chopsticks instead of the shrimp. He felt all the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as he watched the rice morph into a bowl of writhing maggots. Stomach acid crawled up the back of his throat and he swallowed hard, putting the 'shrimp' down and hesitating for a moment, trying to focus as hard as he could to try to get rid of the illusion.

Jiraiya watched Naruto as he ate, feelings slightly more comfortable as he saw his student happily eating his lunch. He was starting to think that he might be recovering, that maybe everything would just go back to normal. He decided that now would be the best time to bring up his mission; he wanted to get it over with while Naruto seemed to be doing a bit better so he could hurry back. "Hey, so, we need to talk about something real quick," Jiraiya stated, his mouth full. Naruto was happy for the distraction. He gave Jiraiya a nod, afraid to speak. "I got a note from Tsunade earlier. Seems like some guy located close to here might have some intel on the Akatsuki. She wants me to head over there and check it out - it shouldn't take more than a few days. You're still recovering and your ribs need more time to heal so I'm doing this one solo. Does that sound alright to you?" Jiraiya asked. Normally he'd just tell Naruto he'd be gone for a few days, disappearing in the blink of an eye, but with everything they'd been going through lately he wanted to be totally above board with him. He especially wanted Naruto's input; he didn't want to leave him alone again if he didn't feel comfortable with it. And in reality, Naruto wasn't comfortable with it. At all. The Nine Tails always seems to be at it's worst when he was alone and he was terrified of what new tricks it had up it’s sleeve, but he was still angry with Jiraiya, the pain still fresh in his heart.

"Yeah, sure," Naruto quickly stated, picking up the 'shrimp.'

Jiraiya nodded, "alright then, it's settled! I'll head out tonight and I should only be gone a few days." Jiraiya picked up his chopsticks and went back to his lunch. Naruto closed his eyes as he bit into the 'shrimp,' trying to force it down his throat. ‘It isn't real. It isn't real. I need to eat. This is just a shrimp. It tastes like a shrimp.’ No matter how hard he tried his mind was losing control, feeling like he was chewing on coppery, rubbery, cold dead skin. That's it, he couldn't take it anymore. "Gotta piss," he mumbled, quickly getting to his feet and hastily walking to the bathroom, struggling to look nonchalant. He shut the door as calmly as he could and turned on the sink, hoping that would cover the noise. He fell to his knees in front of the toilet as he painfully regurgitated his lunch, barely having enough time to get to the toilet. He gagged harshly and his stomach churned as the semi digested food forced its way back up in waves, the stomach acid burning his throat. His stomach gave him no time to relax, immediately shifting into a series of gags, each retch punctuated by a wet cough. Jiraiya frowned from his spot at the table as he heard Naruto repeatedly vomit, just barely audible over the sound of the sink, sighing as he got to his feet. There was a knock at the door and Naruto could hear the concern in Jiraiya's voice, "you okay, kid? Did you get sick?" He couldn't answer, his entire body was overcome with shakes and he was afraid to open his mouth, not wanting to give Jiraiya anything to worry about. Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes, sliding down his cheeks. "I'm coming in," Jiraiya stated when he didn’t get a response.

Once he turned the knob the corners of his lips turned into a frown, forehead creased with worry as he saw Naruto sitting in front of the toilet. Naruto couldn't meet Jiraiya's eyes, he felt so embarrassed, so ashamed. He was a mess. He didn't want Jiraiya to have to baby him; the sannin had more important stuff to deal with. He wished Jiraiya would just leave him there, go take care of all of the things he was needed for while the Fox made Naruto waste away. At least then he wouldn't need to be ashamed when stuff like this happened, having privacy as he was tormented and pushed over the edge. Just thinking of the Fox was enough to set him off again; he tried to breathe deeply, swallowing compulsively, as he tried to hold it in. But it was no use, that just made it worse; he gripped the sides of the toilet seat with both hands as his stomach roiled painfully causing him to pitch forward with a harsh retch, burping up a stream of foul liquid. "Shit, are you okay?" Jiraiya asked as he went to grab a washcloth, wetting it under the sink, his own stomach clenched with sympathy as he heard Naruto vomiting. Naruto's face flushed with embarrassment as he panted over the toilet, his nose and throat burning. He spit into the water and then sunk back to the ground, allowing his head to rest on his arm over the toilet bowl as he tried to catch his breath. "Are you still sick?" Jiraiya asked gently as he sat next to Naruto on the ground, feeling the back of his neck. "No fever," the older man said as he draped the washcloth over the back of Naruto's neck, knowing from previous episodes that the sensation helped settle his stomach.

Naruto shook his head, “n-not sick, just didn’t feel so good all of a sudden. S-sorry,” Naruto lied, swallowing thickly, trying to push back the bile rising in his throat. He didn’t want to tell Jiraiya about the Fox, knowing he was about to leave for a mission. He didn’t want Jiraiya to have to worry about him when he was gone.

“You don’t have to apologize, it happens to the best of us,” Jiraiya soothed, placing a hand on the boy’s back. “Still feel nauseous?” Jiraiya asked, not wanting to lead him back to bed before he was ready. Naruto nodded slightly, breathing slowly through his mouth. Jiraiya frowned as he laid a hand on the younger man’s stomach, rubbing in circles the way he liked. Jiraiya couldn’t help but feel concerned as he felt just how thin Naruto had gotten, feeling the way his ribs protruded, taking the place of his usually solid abs. “Does this happen often?” he asked seriously, frowning deeply as Naruto nodded again.

“J-just stress,” Naruto lied again, allowing Jiraiya to rub his stomach. Suddenly he felt Naruto shift below his grasp as he grabbed the toilet seat again, rising back to his knees. He started gagging again, violently burping up a dribble of saliva and bile.

Jiraiya shook his head, “you shouldn’t be getting sick this often. You need to take better care of yourself. I’m telling Tsunade to send someone else on the mission, I need to be here for you,” he demanded as Naruto took the washcloth and wiped his face with it.

Naruto finally looked Jiraiya in the eyes, “no, you’re the closest shinobi. Just go, I’ll be okay. I promise, I can take care of myself,” he mumbled, reaching up to flush the toilet. Jiraiya hesitated, considering his options. He knew Tsunade would only send for him if she thought he was the best equipped for the mission, but he couldn’t let Naruto down again. Not after what he’d done. He needed to prove that he just fucked up and didn’t actually regret anything that happened between them; that he would be there for him no matter what. That Jiraiya needed him. He sighed, giving in.

“Fine. I’ll go, but I’m going straight there and then coming straight back. If anything happens while I’m gone you need to promise to send for me or Tsunade,” Jiraiya said sharply, raking his hand through Naruto’s soft hair before wiping away the boy’s tears. Naruto was too exhausted to argue so he just nodded, allowing Jiraiya to help him to his feet. He helped him back to bed after helping him brush his teeth. He pulled the covers up over his shoulder before retrieving a glass of water, handing it to him. “I’d feel much better leaving if you’d drink that,” he ordered. Naruto groaned but gave in, taking a few small sips before placing the glass beside his bed.

“I’ll probably just sleep the whole time you’re gone anyway, you aren’t missing anything. Unless you like watching me puke that much,” Naruto teased weakly. A smile cracked across Jiraiya’s lips.

”I may be a pervert, but that’s one thing I’m not into,” he teased back, going through the closet to get everything he needed. Thankfully the mission would be a quick one as long as he didn’t run into any trouble; he should be able to be back by the following morning. “Please try to get some more food into you, Naruto. You’ve lost a lot of weight... I’m worried about you,” he admitted as he pulled his pack and scroll over his shoulders. Naruto just nodded as he closed his eyes, attempting to take an afternoon nap. Jiraiya finished his preparations and then slid his shoes on, glancing over his shoulder. He couldn’t help but allow his eyes to linger over the blond, his face so peaceful as he slept. Jiraiya quietly walked over to Naruto, bending down to kiss his forehead, unable to resist. “I’ll be back soon, I promise,” he whispered, gently caressing his cheek before heading out.

——————————

Naruto awoke some time later to a pitch black room. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but something had shaken him awake, something wasn’t right. He rolled onto his back and then peered around the room; he was alone. He shuddered, drowning in the deafening silence. He longed to hear Jiraiya’s goofy laugh. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted to feel Jiraiya’s strong arms around him, shushing him back to sleep. ‘It’s just for tonight,’ he said to himself, ‘as soon as he’s back we’ll talk. I’m going to tell him everything. I can’t live like this anymore,’ he finally admitted to himself, feeling hope welling in his chest, the possibility of getting better - of no longer needing to hide his struggling anymore. Just as he was about to roll back over to go to sleep he heard that damn cackling in his head. ‘Haven’t we already gone over this? No one can save you from yourself. From me. I will have you,’ the Nine Tails roared. Naruto shook his head, not wanting to listen. He vowed to not give in anymore, hoping that if he ignored the Fox he’d eventually give up. ‘Give up? Ha! What else do I have to do while stuck in this fucking cage? You’re my only entertainment,’ the Fox snorted, ‘besides, I finally have you to myself again. I’m only getting started. Tonight is the night. This is the night I make you mine.’

Naruto shivered, squeezing his eyes closed, trying with every fiber of his being to ignore it. As soon as Naruto’s eyes closed he was quickly sucked into a vision.

The Hidden Leaf had burnt to the ground, his friend’s bodies littering the ground. Naruto looked down at his blood soaked hands, sticky and warm. Naruto tried to run but he found himself not in control of his own body. ‘I told you it would end this way,’ the Fox snarled as it forced him to turn his head around. Naruto was left helpless as he saw out of the Fox’s eyes, forced to feel it’s feelings. He heard an odd sound behind him and felt an ominous anticipation mounting in his chest as he spun on his heels. Jiraiya was laying at his feet, a quivering hand reaching out and grabbing his ankle. “N-Naruto... stop...” Jiraiya wheezed on the ground. Suddenly he felt his foot being raised up above Jiraiya’s head, coming down hard with a sickening crunch. “Sensei!” Naruto yelled out in fear, desperately fighting to regain control of his body. The Fox laughed viciously in his ears, ‘it’s no use, you’re mine. Look what you’ve done. They knew all along; they always knew you were a monster. I gave you the chance to end it, let you try to escape me, but now it’s too late. This is your future. You can’t stop me.’ Naruto shook with fear, paralyzed, as he watch the Fox lean down to take Jiraiya’s head in his hands. Jiraiya’s face was a bloody mess, teeth cracked and nose broken. Jiraiya coughed up a spurt of blood as he slowly reached out to touch Naruto’s face. “P-please... N-Naruto... I-I know you’re still in there...” he pleaded, but all he got in return was a blood chilling chuckle. He felt Jiraiya caress his cheek tenderly, just as gentle as ever, even in his time of death. “I-I forgive you,” he rasped out as the Fox twisted his head sharply to the right, bones cracking and trachea collapsing. Blood sprayed from his mouth as he struggled to breath around his broken throat, an awful gurgling sound. Naruto could do nothing but watch as his breathing stopped. Naruto cried out desperately but it was no use. He sobbed, an absolutely heartbreaking wail.

The Nine Tails roared with laughter, ‘why are you so surprised? I told you this is how it would end. I told you I’d make you feel their bones break. You’ll taste their blood, feel it slide down your throat.’ Naruto was so broken he couldn’t even respond, hyperventilating and wide eyed as he stared at Jiraiya’s broken body. The Fox let him gained control of his body again but it was too late. He fell to the ground next to Jiraiya, pulling the older man into his lap. “W-wake up, sensei! P-please!” he cried, shaking the man hard, his broken neck causing his head to loll back and forth. Naruto collapsed onto Jiraiya’s chest, emitting an agonized cry. He clutched his vestments in his hand, hands bunching in the fabric, “p-please wake up, p-please! I can’t live without you!” He just laid there in a broken heap, sobbing uncontrollably, clawing at his eyes, unable to handle what he was seeing. “J-just kill me! Just fucking kill me! You can have me, I don’t give a fuck! Just kill me, let me be with him!” he cried, squeezing Jiraiya even tighter to his chest, rocking back and forth. “I-I’m so sorry, sensei, p-please come back,” he squeaked, voice betraying him. It was too much; he was so overwhelmed that his vision started to go red. He suddenly saw a bright light and passed out.

——————————

Jiraiya sat perched on a branch above the small village their ally was located at. He slowly scanned his surroundings looking for any traps or signs of danger. Everything seemed peaceful but he couldn’t shake this feeling deep inside his chest that something was horribly wrong. He jumped from the tree and landed gracefully, taking a few moments to think. Something was wrong. Something awful was happening. Suddenly a stomach twisting thought flashed through his mind, ‘Naruto!’ He quickly sprung into action, turning around rapidly and barreling through the trees, leaping back into the branches so he could travel quicker. Jiraiya cursed himself, he knew he should haven’t left. He knew Naruto wasn’t in any condition to be alone right now but for some stupid reason he trusted the boy when he said he’d be okay.

Jiraiya jumped from branch to branch, moving as fast as his body would allow him, the muscles in his legs screaming out in protest. He was using up all of his chakra to travel like this but all he could think about was Naruto. ‘Don’t worry, Naruto, I’m coming!’

——————————

Naruto awoke on the floor, instantly breaking out in tears, shaking in fear. ‘Break the seal already, boy. It’s already at its breaking point. All it’ll take is one simple snap of your fingers. If you allow me in now I promise to make you unaware of what’s happening. But if you make me wait... if you drag this out any longer... I’ll kill Jiraiya the moment he walks through that door.’ Naruto didn’t have the strength to argue back, he just pushed himself up on shaky legs and made his way to the kitchen slowly. He opened the cabinet with unsteady hands, pulling out a bottle of sake, not even bothering with a cup. The Fox giggled at that, ‘yes, boy. Try to drink me away. Lower your inhibitions.’ Naruto’s quivering hands struggled to open the bottle, so shaky that he could barely get a grip on the cap. He finally ripped off the cap, letting it drop to the ground. He took a long pull from the bottle, coming away coughing and gagging from the acidic, foul taste. ‘Such a lightweight, you’d think with all the drinking you’ve been doing lately you’d have maned up by now,’ the Fox teased. Naruto couldn’t take it anymore, he sank to the ground and chugged from the bottle again, grimacing as the liquid poured down his throat, burning like liquid fire. He bent to the side as the liquid traveled back up with a retch, splattering on the ground. ‘Now that won’t do,’ the Fox mocked. Naruto finally felt the sweet warmth taking over his body, his vision swimming and mind dulling. He took a long swig and gripped the bottle in his hands as he stood back up, trying to get to his ninja gear. 'What are you going to do now, you stupid boy? Try to fight me?' Naruto pulled out a kunai and stumbled into the bathroom, turning on the taps for the tub.

The Fox growled knowingly, 'ah I see. Going to take the easy way out and even do it in the tub so Jiraiya won't have to clean up your mess.' Naruto growled angrily, "if I'm gone then there's nothin' you can do," he slurred drunkenly, taking another sip from the bottle as the bathtub filled. 'Oh, finally talking to me, I see,' the Fox laughed, 'go right ahead, boy. You're too much of a coward, and either way I can't die. I may disappear temporarily, but I'd just reappear in my own dimension. The first thing I would do once I reformed is come back for your dear Jiraiya-sensei.' With that the sound of Jiraiya's neck snapping flashed through Naruto's head as he relived the feeling of his bones sickeningly rubbing together in his hands. His eyes filled with tears and he fought back a sob, turning off the bathtub taps. "Just SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Naruto yelled, chugging down more sake, barely able to see straight, "just leave me the fuck alone and let me die!" His heart felt shattered in his chest, stabbing like glass. All he could imagine was Jiraiya's blood stained hands rubbing against his cheek, forgiving him before he snapped his neck with his bear hands. He couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't take one more second of this torment. He knew that if he lived he'd never be at peace; the Nine Tails would find a way to take control, making his worst nightmares a reality.

Naruto didn't even bother undressing as he slid into the tub, sobs wracking his body, vision tinged red and black. He held the kunai in his unsteady hand, pulling his knees to his chest as thoughts flew through his head with lightning speed. All he could hear was the Fox's laughter roaring in his ears, punctuated every now and then with the sound of Jiraiya's neck snapping. Tears freely slid down Naruto's cheeks as he rolled up his sleeves, examining his arms for a moment. He knew the Fox wouldn't heal him. Normally something like this wouldn't be successful, but with his healing abilities at a stand still he knew he'd succeed. He took a shuddering breath as he held the point of the blade to his wrist, quickly slashing downward towards his inner arm. He gasped as his skin sliced like butter, blood pouring from his arm in crimson waves, turning the water a sickening pink. His breath came in short pained spurts as he held the blade to his other arm, slashing down his arm as he sobbed. He hyperventilated as the kunai slipped from his grasp, clattering onto the floor. He let his arms dangle over the sides of the tub, blood pooling on the white marble, a stunningly macabre display. Naruto struggled to calm himself as he laid in the tub, feeling his limbs slowly go cold.

His vision started to tunnel and his hands went numb. Naruto felt his head loll back against the wall, unable to hold himself steady. He started to slide down into the water, his chin just above the surface. "S-S-Sensei," he rasped as he imagined Jiraiya sitting by his side on the side of the tub. He imagined Jiraiya's hands on his cheeks, in his hair, gently kissing away his tears. A small smile formed on Naruto's blue lips, his teeth violently chattered uncontrollably. 'I love you,' he imagined Jiraiya saying to him as he reached for him with his pale hand. He imagined his parents, standing by the door of the bathroom, slowly waving with huge grins on their faces. Naruto tried to smile back but had a hard time moving, no energy to so much as move his lips. He stared at Jiraiya's face as his vision faded away, darkness taking over, sucking him in. He felt himself falling, like fresh snow on the first day on winter. Soft, cold, fragile. His eyes slid shut as he gave a rattled breath. The Fox was finally silent.

——————————

Jiraiya's heart was pounding in his chest as he finally made it back to the onsen. He didn't even bother with the door, quickly springing up a tree and sliding their bedroom window open. He immediately felt a chill run up his spine. Something was horribly wrong. The air was thick, suffocating. The whole room was pitch black. Jiraiya held his breath as he flipped on the lights, hoping and praying that he'd see Naruto in bed. But his bed was empty, the covers pushed back and wrinkled. He reached down to feel them; the pillow was still slightly warm, damp with sweat. Naruto must not have gotten up too long ago. He headed to the kitchen and saw vomit on the floor, the scent of sake making his nose scrunch up. 'Fuck,' he cursed to himself, turning towards the bathroom. He saw light coming from underneath the door and he was filled with a sense of dread. He leaped over the couch and flung the door open, not even bothering with knocking. His heart sunk and he felt his blood run cold. There was blood everywhere. A pool of it on the floor, much too big, fatal. He was frozen, staring at the puddle of blood, allowing his eyes to slowly travel upwards. He saw a hand dangling from the tub, blood dripping from pale, white fingers. He followed the arm up to a clothed shoulder, a neck bent back, a head lolling on a shoulder... honey blond hair. "Naruto!" Jiraiya scooped Naruto from the tub, his cold limp body weighed down with water, making him hard to lift. Jiraiya let out a choked off sob, feeling cool water soak into his clothes, blood covered his hands. "What the fuck, Naruto, what the fuck have you done?!" he cried, desperately grabbing the boy's arms in his hands. Jiraiya stared at the long, deep cuts running up both of his arms. His hands shook uncontrollably as he pulled off his vest, ripping it in half before wrapping it tightly around each of Naruto's arms. He could tell by the amount of blood that Naruto placed the cuts perfectly, severing multiple vital arteries. He cried out in anguish as he touched the boy's cold cheek, his blue lips slightly parted. "Fuck, what the fuck do I do, what the fuck do I do -" he was panicking, hyperventilating. Jiraiya rocked Naruto's thin broken frame in his arms, picking the boy up and rushing him into the living room. He laid Naruto down on the ground and grabbed a blanket, wrapping him up tight, trying to warm him up. He concentrated his chakra into his palms as he grabbed Naruto's arms, attempting to heal his wounds. He started with his left arm as that was the deeper, more dangerous cut. It stretched from his wrist to his inner elbow, deep and wide, muscle tissue visible.

Jiraiya had to fight down a gag as blood spilled onto his hands from the wound, now uncovered so he could try to heal it. He cried out desperately as he realized nothing was happening. "Please, no, no, no, no, no. You can't be dead. You aren't dead. Naruto! Come back!" he resorted to rocking the boy back and forth again before an idea sprang into his head. He ripped the blanket off and quickly removed Naruto's jacket and undershirt. As soon as the clothing was gone Jiraiya could see the Nine Tail's seal flickering on Naruto's stomach. Jiraiya gasped, 'if he was dead the seal wouldn't be flickering!' Hope poured through his veins as he prepared his sealing jutsu, performing his hand signs so quickly it just looked like a blur. Naruto had been telling him about the Fox messing with his head just a few days prior; he realized at that moment that Naruto's healing and chakra abilities were actively being siphoned off by the Fox who was trying to force Naruto to break the seal. He hadn't realized how serious the situation was. It wasn't uncommon for Naruto to be able to communicate with the Fox, and they used to have a symbiotic relationship. Something must have changed. As the seal started to come undone the Fox's power went to his head. Jiraiya's heart snapped in two when he realized how much pain and torture Naruto must have been going through. As soon as he had the adequate amount of chakra built up in his fingertips he thrust his hand down onto Naruto's stomach. The seal glowed a bright orange before flickering out again.

Jiraiya tried to steady his breathing as he concentrated his chakra back to his palms. He held Naruto's cold, pale arm in his hand gently as he attempted to heal it again. Tears poured down Jiraiya's cheeks as nothing happened, feeling like he was about to collapse. Just as he was about to give up he saw the wound knitting together. "Naruto! Stay with me! P-please, Naruto, you need to fight it! Come back to me!" his voice cracked as picked up Naruto's other arm, concentrating his healing chakra again.

'He still lost too much blood. Whether his wounds are closed or not this isn't going to be easy to recover from... what the fuck was he thinking...' Jiraiya tried to swallow back his tears as he got to work. He grabbed a new set of clothes for Naruto and delicately stripped him out of his wet, blood soaked ones. He dressed him as quickly as possible, needing to warm the boy up. As soon as he was dressed and dry he bundled Naruto back up in the blanket and carried him to the couch where he'd be able to keep a closer eye on him as he cleaned up the mess. Jiraiya paused for a moment and knelt next to Naruto's unconscious body, slowly pushing back the boy's hair, kissing his cool pale forehead. "I'm here now, I'm not going anywhere. I will never let you hurt like this again," he vowed, teary eyed. While he wanted nothing more than to sit at Naruto's bedside and wait for him to wake up he also wanted to get the mess cleaned up before Naruto would need to face it himself, and he didn't want him to have to relive it. Cleaning the blood was hard. The coppery scent lingering in the air made him sick to his stomach, and he found himself having to scrub the marble countless times to try to get out the stains. The bathtub was much easier as the water just washed down the drain. 'He did it here hoping I wouldn't have to clean up,' that realization stung, a deep, searing pain. He thanked whatever god was looking out for Naruto that his arms wound up outside the tub; if he had left them in the water it would have pulled the blood from his body, forcing him to bleed out much quicker. He definitely would have been dead. “Thank god for sake,” Jiraiya darkly joked to himself, knowing that if Naruto was sober he wouldn’t have failed. It took hours to get rid of every last drop of blood, and by the time he was done Jiraiya was covered in it. It was on his clothing, on his hands, even in his hair.

With the room spotlessly clean Jiraiya picked up the almost empty bottle of sake, glaring at it as if it was guilty. He considered finishing the last few shots himself but thought against it, having to stay straight to take care of Naruto. With a heaving breath Jiraiya poured the rest of the sake down the drain, throwing the empty bottle in the trash. As soon as his immediate tasks were done he felt exhaustion taking over and he willingly sunk to the ground with his back against the couch, just sitting quietly, listening to Naruto’s short, shallow breaths. ‘He’s gonna have one hell of a hangover when he wakes up,’ he thought bitterly, taking Naruto’s hand in his own. His skin was still so cold, but the color was returning slowly. He gently kissed the top of Naruto’s hand, rubbing his soft skin to his cheek. The thought of losing the kid made Jiraiya break down and he didn’t even attempt to stop the tears. He freely sobbed as he held Naruto’s cold hand, grasping at it as if it was a life preserver, pulling him in from a dark stormy ocean. He coughed and sniffled, pulling his knees to his chest, burying his face in the crook of his arm. The sobs made his breath hitch in his throat, it had been so long since he cried like this that the feeling scared him, made him feel like he was choking. Suddenly he heard a low groan and he instantly jumped up, staring intently down at Naruto’s face. “N-Naruto?” he struggled to stutter out through the tears, his hand reaching out to touch the boy’s forehead. His skin was warmer, slightly tinted pink. Jiraiya held his breath, praying that Naruto would stir again so he could confirm that he was coming around. He waited for what felt like an eternity until he saw Naruto’s eyebrows furrow slightly, a barely audible groan passing his lips. At that moment Jiraiya felt like he could cry tears of happiness, finally feeling like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

”I’m here, Naruto, I’m here,” he whispered, not certain that the younger man could hear him but trying to comfort him all the same. As soon as he spoke Naruto stirred again, just a slight hitch in his breathing. Jiraiya smiled, his fingertips softly caressing Naruto’s cheek. “That’s it, come back to me. I’ll be here waiting,” he promised before slumping back against the couch, trying to fight off sleep. He was so exhausted from traveling and using up so much chakra that he could barely keep his eyes opened. He fought the heavy feeling in his eyelids for about an hour before he lost the battle, slipping into a deep sleep.

part four.

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