#i needed something to fill my mind with

[pa-pa-plasma]

okay i just marathoned the entirety of ATLA live action & i might do an actual review of it explaining my thoughts more in depth, but the TLDR version basically boils down to this:

if you want to watch Avatar: The Last Airbender, just go watch the 2005 cartoon

#i was trying to keep an open mind & all that cuz of OPLA (my beloved) but. holy shit it was actually worse than i expected :/ #like what were they thinking. did they use AI to write this or are the writers just like. really shitty #notes: they linger too much on random bullshit & refuse to move character development along #they tell when they should be showing & when they DO show it's for stuff that benefited from brief environmental storytelling in the OG #the plot drags so hard it was basically stagnant #there were some fun things but like. those things could've been funner if they'd been given the time other useless stuff was taking up #they changed so many minor details that really don't matter in order to make them more important #but this failed spectacularly because now there's just. stupid bullshit clogging up the plot?? #instead of having 10 minute monologues 3 times an episode about plot irrelevant things #they should have taken a page out of the original's book & kept minor details to a minimum & focused on ACTUAL PLOT #SO MUCH CGI. LIKE I KNOW THEY NEED IT BUT COME ON. EVEN THE CHARACTERS?????? WHO ARE JUST STANDING THERE???????? #they were given 8 hours & almost all of it was Aang angsting (lol) over being the avatar & not practicing actual bending #& then they ended the plot too early so they had to fill in the last like 20 minutes with something else #so they made up random lore that literally makes no sense. & overexplained all of it to the point i was blanking out from boredom #i think this is why i didn't enjoy Korra. they over explain the spirit world stuff & avatar powers & bending #that plus i just don't vibe with the aesthetic #being a writer is a curse because when i dislike something it's because i know exactly what went wrong & why #it's always with the analyzing & the judging & the internal note taking #even when i really try i can't just enjoy shit for fun

[orcelito]

Manic after the FMA:B anime, thinking about rewatching Naruto again, getting excited thinking about Naruto, getting excited thinking about the elaborate p3/naruto crossover daydream I concocted back in 2018 ish that will never actually become a fanfiction, BUT it's making me think of the possibility of making a trigun/naruto crossover fic, Specifically with vash & co in naruto world

Would anyone be interested in that 🥺🥺🥺 it wouldn't be for a long time 🥺🥺🥺 but I have loved naruto anime for approximately 60% of my entire life. It's only natural for me to gravitate back to it and make more elaborate crossover aus fhskhfkshd

Just think about it.... just Think about it........ I am Thinking about it.....

#speculation nation #something something vash being a superhuman and wolfwood being a secret akatsuki member #i'll have to think about it more. i also need the world details to be fresh in my mind first. #but just THINK ABOUT ITTTTTTTTTT #any trigun and naruto lovers out there? 🥺 anyone understand my vision? 🥺 pls this matters oh so very muchsies to me #I KNOW I HAVE OTHER FICS TO WRITE I PROMISE IM WORKING ON THEM... #but. just. Think About It...... i sure will be :] #rly i just watched the 2nd naruto OP (haruka kanata) and got so fucking filled with love and excitement i almost popped my fuckin gasket #it is midnight and im near bouncing off the walls in excitement. help

[shadow0-1]

Messing around with lights

#call of duty #modern warfare #blender renders #call of duty modern warfare #simon riley #somewhat turned into a screenshot remake #dont look at the background i just needed something to fill space #did it a few days ago and then subsequently lost my mind on another project #i say messing around and i intended to #but kinda ended up lit like all my other stuff #oopsie

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol #except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade #plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me #god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set #looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u #the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno? #it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control #executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont #wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral #sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive #lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not #forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho #my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly #need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im #dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter #what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by #my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything #interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to #fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i #described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that #idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean #ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said #she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the #parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the #disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage #but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain #just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked #unrelated

[theswedishpajas]

Long time, no see, cowboy

#my art stuff #Couldn’t sleep last night so I literally drew up this man from memory just to try out a new gradient map on his jacket #osomatsu san #ososan #karamatsu #karamatsu matsuno #I do draw him from time to time but it’s been SO LONG since I tried to do any kind of clean art of him #I miss my boys #I try to get back into the show again from time to time but I just can’t the same way and it pains me #I haven’t really consumed any oso-san media anytime recently #I just needed something to try the gradient map on and fsr he popped into my mind #I’m happy tho #I miss drawing my faves #and hating on totty #Literally no offense to anybody who likes totty #I have personal beef with him #he’s a great character - he’s just too much like me but in the ways I don’t like about myself #it fills me with rage cus I see myself in him but only the things I don’t want to be connected to #blegh #anyways- have this manchild who I adore and want to give the world to cus he’s me but the parts I don’t mind as much #coolguy loser man my beloved #digital art #fanart #REMEMBERED I HAD MORE REAL TAGS TO FIT IN HERE LMAO #*looks at the thing I made of eugene a while ago* I wonder how I started hyperfixating on koalas hmmm

[katyspersonal]

Losing someone who was actually very nice and warm and friendly, and expressed true caring about my thoughts and feelings, really hurts. They were even asking me about my favs and open to any discussion. I didn't connect the dots between my significant improvement mentally for the past week or two at first, but now I know the secret was the feeling of very bright and positive connection with a new person... So now it feels like actual piece of soul torn from within myself.

I kinda learned to get less attached and usually I feel only slight bitterness and shrug it off if someone leaves, but this time I actually feel empty. And I know this cavity will be filled with poison in no time, as much as I don't want to feel bitter again.. but it is never hollow for a long time. I mean, there is still a solace in the fact that they do not even buy into bullshit and only left to not get harassed; being scared is NEVER the same as being brainwashed. So maybe things don't have to be that pessimistic. Like 'benign' kind of loosing.

#/vent #personal #abandonment issues #i've been crying and shaking all day #as much as I tried to beat myself up to calm down because I am 26 and supposed to not overreact like this #I eventually gave up and decided there is no shame in human needs and reactions #I don't really know what to do with kind of abandonment that carries no anger or resentment #like the whole 'I do still like you but I don't want to be bullied for that so bye' stuff #I can respect clarity of mind and honesty tho #I just know the cavities never get re-filled with something good #well I guess this is my fault for letting myself get attached. especially in the internet

[venomroses]

I need to draw my designs for young tcm and dr d

#or i need to write abt them or something they live rent free in my mind #need to figure out a way to word a post abt their contributions to the revolution bc so obsessed with them being part of all this since- #-they themselves were teenagers and the parallels to the four and even the ultra vs #and how they lost recognition for those contributions upon assuming the personas of tcm and dr d #bc they're just that: personas. and while they mightve been playing the part so long its hard to remember what they used to be like they- #-didnt used to be like that at all and the way they're entirely unrecognizable to their younger selves is a testament to both their- #-willingness to play the part that needed to be filled even when it contradicts their message of staying true to yourself in the face of- #-the company that wants everyone to be a certain way but also the way the revolution is willing to twist kids who don't have any other- #-choice into being figureheads for itself without giving them a way to decide for themselves or even give them the time to think about the- #-implications of this role they're being made to play #anyway!

[pansy-out-of-the-wardrobe]

I am trying to pick up Swedish again after taking four German classes in Uni…. At this rate I am creating some unholy matrimony of Germanic languages. Who next will be added to the soup

#mind you my German is also shit #put all the little conjunctions and prepositions are now sprinkled into Swedish #I’m trying to think and I just go: UND #what the fuck is UND the word I’m looking for is OCH #I am the epitome of linguist meaning NO I CANNOT SPEAK THESE LANGUAGES BUT I CAN TELL YOU FUN FACTS ABOUT THEM THAT I THINK ARE NEAT #for example I like Swedish noun paradigms #Swedish is what got me into linguistics in the first place so I am trying to reignite that live because I remember how it used to fill me #with so much love hope and purpose #maybe maybe maybe I’ll actually use all those grammar books I have #given that I can ACTUALLY read the IPA transcription #although actually I’d love to get some more textbooks that are… more linguistically inclined #I’ve been using this book: German Phonetics and Phonology; Theory and Practice by O’Brien and Fagan #for a phonetics project and … honestly I need something like that but for Swedish #it pains me how much I used to know about Swedish that I’ve just…… lost #but I’m coming back into it with more knowledge about language #and also more knowledge about Swedish typologically… so that’s useful #Irving rambles #language learning

[starberry-skies]

getting on t would prob be such a pain and take forever and i have no idea if i even would want the results but also. i'd have first-hand experience for my projection fanfiction.

#chirping #transitioning is just on my mind a lot recently forgive me #hashtag dysphoria.. #but god i would love to write abt how to get t-shots in space or in the post-apocalypse or in. uh. community college. #that last one isn't as interesting but it is to Me. ok. #but anyway i'm pretty sure i Do want the effects of t #i'm just incredibly indecisive esp when it comes to Big Decisions like this #ohhhh it just. makes me Anxious. yk. #but i keep having dreams abt hrt or top surgery or changing my name and it feels like it's just right around the corner #i'm constantly doing research and watching videos and talking to my therapist about it #because the idea that i might have to live in this body my whole life fills me with unbelievable dread. #i just. i just hope i can change something soon. i just need to change something soon. #SORRY i spiraled a bit. i'm good i'm good dw #dysphoria mention

[anonymouspuzzler]

If you had a house (or if you already have one just adding it) what big special details would you want to get put into it?

oh gosh, if only i could have a house.... (only a small apartment right now!!!) but if i could, hmmm... i would love at least one room with wall-to-wall shelves, for keeping all of me and my loved ones' books and trinkets and such... it would be nice to have one or two dedicated workspace type rooms, too! an office or streaming room, sure, but more than that I would love a proper crafting room, with a big table for working and places to organize and store all sorts of paints and brushes and fabrics and yarns and such... maybe a little shed or garage for wordworking and such, and of course a garden for my partner... oh, and i would love a nice kitchen, too... i like my kitchen now but it only has a few small counters! a nice big island for kneading lots of doughs and making lots of treats... imagine..!!! oh how spoiled I sound...!

#anonymous puzzler answers #sparklehoard #of course i would want everything to be colorful too!! i am tired of ultra minimalist boring beige interior design!!! #the only thing a blank white wall is good for is filling with all my posters and prints!!!! #admittedly i have a soft spot for older homes too at least visually. sure you gotta be careful with those in terms of The Problems but!!! #oh!! and in this dream scenario i would love dedicated guest space too #that way if any of my friends or family needed a place to stay they could come to me #or i could host all my friends for a big event or something #i have a secret dream of inviting all my friends over during GDQ and leaving the stream running all week #while we all spend time and share meals and lose our minds at the cool runs... oh the dream.....

[caracello]

tthe . payd.ay2 jacket being mute and using tbe tape recorder i literwlly cant stop thinking aboht it its so cute. auughh😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

#IWANT YOUUU I WANT YOU #i m like. thinking abt erm. recording lines for him )//+ in my mind theyd be like. lines he couldnt mix from other recordings #(bc thats how he gets most of his records is like.random promotional material/instructional videos etc( #so to fill in any gaps he gets my voixe . Or something #or maybe like since he has some voiceclips in other languages my s/i cuold do some in danish for him #and maybe. ermmmm. maybe a few of them he asks for not bc he needs them but just bc he likes my voice and wants to record it. iicckk ick #ihate gay people +/////( #gush:{🐔}

[royalfortunesmate]

waiting on this package might actually make me start working on my NJ build again

#i need something to fill in the gap while i wait #its been in tranist 12 days so hopefully its here soon but im so anxious i need to get my mind off it 🥹 #i love ordering online but god i get terrible anxiety waiting #🦈

[brittlebutch]

need anyone attempting to have a verbal conversation with me to go ahead and brace themselves for a full five minute wait after their opener for me to figure out Anything to say in response <3

#N posts stuff #i can string along some uh-huhs and affable laughs to fill the space while people talk at me #but it’s never until i’m fully extricated from the convo and completely somewhere else #that im able to come up with actual Things to say that would allow the convo to last longer. oops #on a marginally related conversational note i’m considering trying to be more up front about asking questions when i’m confused #coworker was helping me with something but hadn’t looked up from her computer to see that it was Me until a handful of moments in #but when she looked up and recognized me she said ‘sorry’ and i didn’t get why but i didn’t ask #but then after i was like ‘well i could have just asked; even if she’d just said it on autopilot she probably wouldn’t have minded’ so #idk something to consider. i’ve gotten better at admitting to being confused bc work is a crossroads of ‘i Need to understand’ and like #‘i’m not getting paid enough to try overly hard to figure it out on my own so’ but Conversationally it’s harder. even if it’s obvious anyway #funny enough i was thinking about cadeuceus lol i was like ‘he’d probably ask and fans probably thought it was a sweet character trait’

[sickly-stitches]

anxious autistically packs the most prepared bag in the world for an outing

#little darlin' rambles 🤍 #theres a book a notebook two stuffies two stim toys sunglasses panadol bandages band aids #a mirror #three diferent plastic bags and a rag/towel #an entire seperate outfit #period kit #an umbrella and a sweater and gloves #three different coloured pens plus an eraser and sharpener #a comb a chuck up bag #tomorrow im also packing headphones a thing of tea two filled 500ml water bottles #make up perfume etc for touch ups #a fruit and a sweet snack #<- going to the city for 6 hours #I DONT KNOW WHAT THE DAY WILL BRING OKAY #WHAT IF I GET ILL WHAT IF I HAVE A MELTDOWN WHAT IF ITS COLD OR RAINING OR IM BORED OR I NEED TO DISTRACT THE KIDS OR I GET SOMETHING BAD O #MY CLOTHES #LIKE EVERYTHING IS A NECESSITY IN MY MIND #autism #anxiety #autistic

[theworldisabrokenbonebutitishome]

wanted to fill the blank side of my paramore tote. picked the lyrics from Figure 8 that hurt me most. <3

#twabbbiih made a thing #hand embroidery #paramore #lyrics #look. i know it's not the bingo fill that i should be working on. but i needed a quick break with something that doesn't need to be perfect #also it seems that I need to stab Hayley Williams lyrics into fabric every so often or i lose my mind #that woman leaves me unhinged #she just releases music that slaps me in the face and I'm supposed to be normal about it #i love her so much #i do love to project

[bosquedemel]

still thinking about what we talked about in therapy on wednesday. that it’s not too late, that i can still hope, that my life can change for the better, even when i least expect it, and that i’m not inferior or different than others and that if other people have good things in their life and if love happens to them then it can happen to me too. even though i’ll be 30 next year i just need to forget that. it’s hard to because it weighs on you and it feels like it makes everything harder and scarier but i have to if i want things to change. accept it and welcome it. i can’t be closed off from others anymore and while it’s hard to let myself be open and vulnerable to others because i’ve never been so before, it’s the only way anything will happen and slowly it will amount to something...

#text #all my life since i was a teenage til now has been a blur of nothingness; just surviving instead of living #so now i have to do something #if i don't want it to continue #feels impossible to a certain degree but it's the only way #i just need to want things and believe in things for the first time ever; things that have never been part of my life #its weird because you don't miss things that you never had so i basically have to force myself to get out of this hole bc otherwise #my mind will fill in the gaps and tell me this hovel is perfectly fine actually #cause i've never been outside of it #thats literally my life