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jxstadaydreamer · 1 year

Text

first impressions

from this gifset by @celestyeol

Pairing: Park Chanyeol x afab reader Genre: Strangers to Lovers, Romance, Fluff Word count: 5235

Summary: Getting back into the dating scene is tough and no one you've come across on these God-forsaken apps have caught your attention. But when one finally does, despite the fact there's an undeniable spark between the two of you and the amount of not-a-date coffee runs you've been on together, you're still too afraid to go on an official first date with him.

Author's note: Happy birthday to my one & only! 🎉 Thank you to my beloved for always proof reading my work and making sure my tenses match up! This story is an idea I’ve had for a long time after being inspired by a comment from a Reddit thread. I started it a while ago and gave up on it multiple times but I’m proud that I managed to pull through and finish it. I hope you can enjoy 💞 Feedback is always very appreciated! And if you do like it, please consider sharing it too 💞

It’s been quite a while since you were last in a relationship, your previous one had you sworn off the entire male species so you could heal your wounds and work on yourself. Of course you were a grown woman with needs and had the occasional short-lived fling here and there but now your desires had grown to something deeper and beyond bedroom activities. You began to miss having that intimate bond with a special someone. Just having another person to run silly errands with, have late night conversations about deep topics or nothing in particular, someone to marathon a tv show or try a new recipe with.

Loneliness gets to everyone, sooner or later.

You don’t want to actively, desperately seek out a partner but you have to start somewhere. And with some slightly aggressive persuasion from your friends, and your own deep dive internet research where you had found a convincing number of success stories, you decide to sign up for some dating apps. Because apparently ‘that’s how everyone meets these days!’

Now, you expected to come across some weirdos and creeps, of course, men who send one liners ranging from awfully cheesy to downright disrespectful or those who ask for your snapchat straight away because that’s where they prefer to chat, the latter being an immediate red flag to you. It wasn’t all bad however, some managed to hold some decent conversation and banter, but none that gave you that spark of interest, merely candidates for a nice chat. Proving just as much when you had agreed to a first date with some that would either be embarrassingly awkward or just lacking any chemistry whatsoever. With some even feeling entitled to some sort of exchange just because ‘they had done the gentlemanly thing of paying for your meal.’ Ugh. Over time, the hope you had to find your special someone through dating apps had waned significantly.

Enough that you almost gave up. Almost.

It’s near the end of an entirely too long work day when you receive the notification, the vibration making your eyes avert their gaze from the computer screen to the now lit screen of your phone. You notice the dating app icon, alerting you to a new match. Not feeling too giddy, you return to your work when another buzz of your phone steals your attention once again. Seeing that this time it's a message, you pick up your phone curious to see what this new match has opened with. Another pickup line? Would it be ridiculously corny or something icky? Maybe it would be the standard ‘hello beautiful, how are you?’ which was pleasant, yes, but also boring.

Instead, your eyes widen a smidgen and you sit up a little straighter. The outer corners of your lips quirk up just the slightest.

[Chanyeol]: i need to know - how do you feel about ace’s death?

You’re thinking of your reply when another message pops up.

[Chanyeol]: i’m sorry if that was random ^^” i just noticed the one piece flag and figurines in the background of one of your photos and got excited!

Wait. What? You quickly navigate back to one of your profile and notice on the 3rd image that the little nerd corner in your room had indeed been caught in one of your chosen selfies. How did you miss that? Ugh. Oh well. You also take the opportunity to tap through to his profile and refresh your memory. Damn. He’s hot. You think to yourself. Not wanting to make him wait too long, you shake your head of the thought and return to the chat screen.

[You]: hi chanyeol! it’s alright lol tbh i didn’t even notice they were in the pic. but to answer your question - i bawled like a baby.

It doesn’t take long for him to reply, and that fact alone widens the small smile that had crept onto your features.

A few dozen messages are exchanged back and forth before you look up and notice that everyone in the office has already left except for the usual suspects that liked to linger and try to earn some overtime. You look at the time and realise you could have left 35 minutes ago. Where the hell did the time go? Moving past the initial confusion, you quickly collect your belongings, heading out the building and towards the subway station.

You’re a little embarrassed to admit but you almost missed your stop. Cause? Being way too engrossed in a conversation with a man you didn’t even know 2 hours ago, discussing other events from what you now know is both of your favourite anime. You manage to walk home in record time, mindlessly throwing your things on one end of the sofa, plopping yourself down on the other and pulling your phone out to read his recent reply.

It’s only when you hear the rumble of your own stomach that you peel your eyes away from your phone screen and realise the sun has long set and you still haven't eaten a thing. Deciding it's too late to cook, and definitely not because you’re too lazy, you settle on ordering a pizza. You note the arrival time and think it’s just enough for you to hop into the shower and wash away the exhaustion the work week has given you. Turning on the water and tapping out yet another reply before you place your phone on the vanity and step inside the glass cubicle.

If you didn’t realise how much trouble you were in when you missed dinner (which was a first for you) or when you found yourself constantly glancing over at your phone screen to see if he had replied yet with ears hyper aware of the app notification alert tone any time you had to close your eyes or turn away, you definitely realise it now as you stare at the dark screen of your phone and your flustered reflection stares back at you.

Upon exiting the shower and drying your hands just enough to use your phone without dragging water droplets across the screen, you realise why there was no lighting up of the screen or notification melody sounding from your phone speaker – your phone battery was flat. What did you expect though? With the countless hours you had spent messaging back and forth, screen basically constantly lit. You quickly wrap a towel around yourself and rush to your bedside, plugging in the charger and waiting for the dark screen to light up with the logo and come back to life.

It’s in this moment that you think maybe you need to chill, afraid that you could be coming on too strong. Although, he’s reciprocating your energy too, right? Maybe, just maybe, he is just as into you as you are to him? The thought causes a fuzzy, warm, fluttering feeling in your stomach but is interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell, signalling your saviour and grace, the food delivery driver, has arrived.

As you settle down in front of the tv and turn on your comfort Netflix show that serves no purpose other than background noise to make you feel less alone, you absentmindedly shove the food into your mouth in between tapping out reply after reply. Eventually, you wash up and move to a comfier location. Snuggling into your plush sheets and chatting like lovesick teenagers until your eyes struggle to stay open and you wish eachother goodnights and sweet dreams.

You and Chanyeol continue texting each other about anything and everything throughout the day for the two weeks, exchanging social media accounts somewhere in between. You quickly find out that Chanyeol is an avid Snapchat user but in the cutest way. He would snap you things he encounters during his day – pretty flowers, the sky, cute animals, etc. – because “it makes me smile so I hope it makes you smile too.”

There was a particular snap that made your stomach hurt so much from laughing the first time you had seen it, a cheesy grin on your face anytime you recall it. Chanyeol was filming a snap of some cute goslings he’d spotted by a lake, only to be running away frantically screaming moments later because the daddy goose was chasing him away from its babies.

Every now and then you send him a gif of a goose when he gets a little smart with you.

One night, he asks if he can call you because his hands are a little tired from playing the guitar all day (Yeah, guitar. He’s a musician. That writes his own songs. These facts combined with his looks make you wonder if he’s real and if you’re being catfished), and you hesitantly agree. You hate the sound of your own voice and you’re afraid he might find it off-putting but the desire to listen to his voice trumps your insecurities in the end. It’s a decision you don’t regret. He’s such a great conversationalist that you completely forget how nervous you are in no time and the first phone call lasts til some hours of the AM.

You’re not sure when you fall asleep but you blame the comfiness of your bed and the velvet-like sound of his voice – smooth, deep and comforting. You think he may have been in the middle of telling you a childhood memory, his voice soft because of how late it was and the fondness of the story.

As you wait in line the next morning for the much needed coffee, you unlock your phone and type out a good morning text to Chanyeol, apologising for falling asleep and promising to make it up to him somehow. You also open Snapchat to snap him your current view of the coffee shop, caption wishing you could buy him a cup of coffee too to atone for your sins. You faintly hear the Snapchat notification sounding from somewhere behind you but you don’t think much of it until you hear it coming from your own phone some moments later, swiping it open to see what it could be.

You stare at your screen wondering why the floor looks so familiar and what he’s playing at when another snap comes through.

And now you definitely know why you could recognise the flooring. Because it’s the exact same view in front of you. Only his point of view was from a little further back and included you in the frane. Caption stating: someone who owes me coffee! And a sticker of an arrow pointing at your figure.

You spin around abruptly and it’s definitely hard to miss his tall stature, let alone the brightest grin you’ve ever seen on a human being currently being flashed at you. You give him a shy wave and he makes his way across the coffee shop to stand beside you. You quickly glance down at your outfit, mentally kicking yourself for choosing convenience over style and subtly try to brush the knots out of your hair with your fingers.

“Fancy meeting you here.” you can practically hear the smile in his voice and this fact is only confirmed when you literally have to look up to see him, if it was even possible for him to be smiling any bigger than he was before.

“It is..considering I’m here everyday and I’m sure I’d remember seeing you here.” you said, raising an eyebrow.

“I just moved here recently so I’m trying to find a new coffee spot… and I think I just found it.”

The way he’s looking at you brings the heat to your cheeks and you’re praying to the heavens that it’s not too obvious. You chance a peek at him and luckily he’s no longer looking at you, instead his gaze facing forward as it reads over the menu above the counter. You also notice that the huge grin is gone and is replaced with a tight lipped smile and a deep dimple. Taking advantage of the opportunity that he is seemingly, momentarily distracted by the menu options, you take in his handsome visuals. And the fact that he is actually here with you in person, quickly erasing all thoughts of you possibly being catfished because you thought he was just too good to be true.

Eventually, he makes up his mind and heads up to the counter to order an iced americano. You both sit down to enjoy your beverages and some conversation about what the day ahead entails for you before you have to head off to work. Chanyeol offers to drive you but you kindly refuse him, letting him know you actually enjoy the short walk that’s only a few blocks down. He juts his bottom lip out in a pout but nods. You can’t help but laugh at him as you wave goodbye.

As the weeks go by, you fall into a routine with Chanyeol. Meeting him for coffee in the mornings, where sometimes he would drive you if you were carrying some heavy items or he’d walk with you if he wasn’t in a rush that day, texting on and off throughout the day and talking on the phone before bedtime had advanced to video calls instead.

You had grown so comfortable with him that it was easy to share your thoughts without worrying he would judge you, whether it would be a random idea you had or just something you had come across during your day. He would either laugh about it with you or indulge in the thought with you. The comfort only made you become more smitten with him, especially since he seems to be reciprocating your every move. It never felt like you were doing too much or too little and that things were heading in a nice direction.

[Chanyeol :)]: hypothetically, how would you feel if i asked you on a date?

Usually, Chanyeol’s texts make your stomach flutter in a good way but this question, albeit hypothetical, has you feeling a little unwell. Your previous encounters with other matches on the very same app you met Chanyeol on had left you with a bad taste whenever it came to first dates. And you know you could be honest with Chanyeol and tell him exactly that but you just have to come up with a way to do so without making him think that you think he would be another one of those guys.

Typing and backspacing over and over again, you decide it’s too easy to misunderstand over text and if you video call him then you’ll end up giving into his pout. Paired with the kicked puppy look he pulls off so well? You stand no chance. So you opt for a phone call, it’s the safest option, middle ground of the other two.

He picks up the phone almost immediately.

“Hey! Is everything alright?”

“Everything is great. I, uh, just thought it’d be better to tell you this over the phone instead of texting you…”

“Oh,” he replied, coming to a realisation, “oh. Did I- Crap. Did I misunderstand something? I mean, I just thought that we- I thought you felt the same way so I- Fuck. Shit, sorry.”

“No, no no!” – you interject to bring a stop to his flustered rambling – “I do. I thought it was quite obvious but I do feel the same way.” You can feel the rosey hue blooming on the apples of your cheeks. Thank God this wasn’t a video call. Good choice Y/N. “It’s just that I had some bad experiences with first dates before I met you. Some of the guys just…weren’t that nice during or even after the date. And don’t get me wrong! I know you’re nothing like them but the fact that it’s a first date just makes me extra nervous is all. I mean, I’d like to, eventually, with you. I’m just a little scared that I might screw something up, kinda, I guess.”

You take a deep breath and slap your forehead when you realise the mess of words you had just spewed out in the span of 10 seconds.

“Wow, so articulate Y/N. Dammit I knew I should’ve just stuck with texting.” you mutter to yourself.

You hear a deep, throaty chuckle from him that distracts you from your self depricating thoughts.

“Phew!” – he exclaims dramatically – “Had me worried for a sec there. But thank you for explaining it to me. And phone call was definitely the right choice so don’t worry.” – laughing at you again – “I get it! Really! No pressure whatsoever.”

“Thank you for being so understanding.”

“Of course. But you shouldn’t have to thank me for it, isn’t it the bare minimum? Anyways, have you eaten yet?”

Damn, this guy is just so smooth with the way he steers the conversation in another direction and just ever so charming with his words and understanding nature.

It’s Saturday afternoon and after a productive day of cleaning your apartment from the mess you’ve created and neglected during the week, you sit down to enjoy some moments of peace in your now tidy space and contemplate your options for the rest of the evening. Closing your eyes and leaning your head back against the comfy cushions on your sofa.

A buzz and ding of your phone from its place on your coffee table has a smile etching its way onto your face and you sit up, reaching for it to see the name of exactly who you thought it would be on your screen.

[Chanyeol<3]: are you busy rn?

[You]: hm not rn no. what’s up?

[Chanyeol<3]: i was just about to run some errands but don’t feel like going solo. care to bless me with your company?

[You]: i mean, i don’t see how that would be blessing you but sure, i’d love to join you :)

[Chanyeol<3]: cool! i’ll pick you up soon?

[You]: sure. see you in a bit!

Shoot! You race to the bathroom, looking into the mirror and assess your mess of a situation right now. There’s no time for a shower so you opt to put your hair up into a bun for now and reach for some makeup to attempt a no-makeup makeup look, just enough to tidy yourself up and look clean and fresh.

It’s just errands right? You’d look silly if you dress up too much. You need something comfortable. Something functional but cute still. You end up in a loose tshirt tucked into a nice pair of jeans that just so happen to make your butt look good.

Your timing is perfect, slipping your sneakers on just as Chanyeol texts you that he’s outside, grabbing your bag and heading downstairs to meet him.

As you’re walking out the lobby, you can already see him across the street. He’s leaning against this huge silver SUV. He’s dressed in jeans and a hoodie but the scene looks like something out of a magazine with his tall physique, handsome face and styled hair. It’s probably a thought you have too often but it’s something you don’t think you could ever move past.

He looks up when he hears the doors of the building close as you exit and he stands up straighter, greeting you with a warm smile and a frantic wave of his hand.

“Hi!” he says as soon as you’ve crossed the street and close enough that he doesn’t need to raise his voice to be heard.

“Hey!” you return his smile, “Oh my gosh your car is HUGE! But I guess it needs to be for you to fit inside comfortably.”

He chuckles at your comment and it eases your nerves a little. He opens the door for you like a true gentleman and you climb inside, buckling yourself in as he rounds the front of the car to the drivers side.

“Ready?” he asks, turning to you with an award winning grin.

You nod happily and he turns the engine on, pulling away from the curb and towards his destination. You try to ask him where but he says you’ll see when you get there. Chanyeol turns on the radio but keeps the volume at a minimum so you can still speak comfortably to eachother.

Soon enough, he turns into the underground parking lot of a shopping mall complex and parks his car.

“What do you need to do here?” you ask him once you’re both inside the elevator taking you up to the chosen level.

“Just wait a little longer, little miss impatient. You’ll see.”

He laughs when you huff and pout your lips.

Chanyeol leads the way but you notice his long legs allow him longer strides that force you to quicken your step a little just to keep up with him. He seems to notice this though and slows himself down to a pace that's good for you both.

“So, you remember that candy you were telling me about last time? The one you said your grandma used to buy for you when you little and you can’t find anymore?”

You nod slowly, quirking a brow and tilting your head, wondering where he’s going with this.

“I found out this place here sells them!”

He stops as he says this and points to a small candy shop. Inside, you can see that there are walls and shelves lined with various types of candies and snacks. It seems he’s scoped out this place prior to taking you here because he takes you to the exact place they’re kept in the store.

Your eyes grow wide when you spot the familiar packaging of your childhood favourite and you can’t help the tears forming at your waterline.

Grabbing yourself a few packs of that specific candy, you and Chanyeol browse through the rest of the store, selecting a few more before you both make your way to the counter to pay for your chosen goods.

Chanyeol reaches for his wallet but you stop him, firmly insisting that he allow you to pay for his and your things to thank him for bringing you here and finding something that is so important to you. He sees the look of determination in your eyes and decides not to challenge you. He needs to pick his battles wisely if he wants the rest of the evening to pan out the way he intends it to.

Leaving the store and following Chanyeol to his next errand location, you can’t help but feel touched by the fact that he remembered something you had told him in passing over the phone and also managed to find you the exact thing you talked about too.

You’re pulled out of your thoughts by the sound of Chanyeol’s laughter and you look up to realise he’s stopped walking, now watching you and chuckling as his shoulders bounce up and down.

“What?”

“I should be asking you that. What’s got you so deep in thought?”

“Nothing!” you quickly say, sounding way too defensive for your own good.

He hums, letting you know he didn’t really believe you but isn’t going to question you any further.

“Well, while you were too busy thinking about ‘nothing,’ I was trying to ask if you wanted to see this movie with me?” – he points over to a poster on the wall and you realise you’ve stopped in front of the cinema – “I didn’t realise it was out already! I’ve been looking forward to it.”

It’s been a while since you’ve seen a movie in an actual cinema, considering everything is just so accessible online these days. The movie he’s asking you to watch with him is an action comedy, it can’t be too bad right? You seem to have the same taste with most things so far.

“I mean, if you don’t want to. It’s okay, I just thought we could watch it together since we’re both here right now.”

He sees the gears in your head cranking and he’s hoping he didn’t overstep by asking you, the last thing he wants is for you to feel uncomfortable around him. His nervousness shows by the way he’s unable to stand still, shifting from one foot to another and scratching the back of his neck.

“No, no, I’d love to watch it with you! It’s been so long since I’ve been to an actual cinema too. I think it’ll be fun!”

A toothy grin immediately appears on his features, eyes bright and sparkly with excitement.

“Awesome! I’ll go get the tickets and something from the candy bar too. Any requests?”

“Maybe just a drink? I think we have plenty of things to snack on.” you laugh, pointing to the bag he’s holding.

He nods in agreement and quickly scurries off to buy some tickets.

You both emerge from the dark movie theatre just under 2 hours later feeling a little closer than you did when you went in.

It was a great movie, it had a balance of suspenseful moments, scenes that made you laugh and a not-so-heavy-romance-but-just-enough plot thrown in. Truly something for everyone.

It was also the first time you had sat so closely with Chanyeol. Close enough that you could smell his cologne wafting to your nose and holy shit did he smell absolutely delicious. He would nudge you during the funny scenes as he laughed. Although the two of you had started off leaving a respectable distance, somewhere during the movie you had both managed to scoot closer to each other. Your thigh resting comfortably against his, upper arms touching too.

You both opened some of the snacks you had bought earlier to try and looked to each other for reactions, most of them were so good and the others not so much, making you both scrunch your face at eachother and quickly wrap the packet up and placing it back into the bag to reach for another instead.

Walking back to the car together, you discuss the happenings of the movie you’ve both just watched and end up quoting the same lines to eachother. His eyes are now in a semi permanent crescent moon position from all the laughing, a vast difference to his usual rounded full-moon-esque eyes that look like they contain galaxies within them. You wonder if his cheeks hurt from smiling as much as yours do.

You have learnt that Chanyeol laughs with his entire body, whether it be the not so subtle shaking of his shoulders, loud echoing claps from his huge hands, slapping his own body (usually thighs) or whatever furniture is within range or just folding over and holding himself. You wouldn’t put it behind him to regularly end up on the floor dying from a laughing fit too. The thought is endearing, the fact that he’s just so happy it vibrates through his entire being this way.

All that laughing must have depleted his body of energy because the moment you settle into the car and buckle up your seatbelts, you hear a huge extended rumbling sound coming from, what you can safely assume by the way he quickly clutches his abdomen, is his stomach.

Chanyeols ears grow bright red and he smiles at you sheepishly.

“Um, would you like to go get some food?” he says, scratching the back of his neck. A nervous habit of his that you’ve manage to pick up on. “Since we’re already together right now and it’s basically dinner time..” he trails off.

“Sure, why not. Since we’re conveniently together right now and I don’t think your stomach can wait any longer.” you tease.

“Hey!” he puts on a pretend offended look. “Is there anything in particular you want to eat? Anything you’re craving?”

“Hmm,” you purse your bottom lip and roll your eyes around in thought, “not really. I don’t mind what we eat.”

“Do you like ramen? There’s this spot I really like and it’s close by.”

“I love it! Let’s go there.”

Feeling pleased with himself that you so happily accept his suggestion for dinner and invite to join him for yet another thing, Chanyeol knows he definitely can’t wipe the grin off his face even if his cheeks are definitely feeling sore from smiling so much. He just hopes you’re enjoying yourself when spending time with him as much as he was with you.

Just like he said, the ramen restaurant was indeed close by and you arrive there in less than 10 minutes and a few turns along the way.

It’s a cosy little, hole in the wall type place that you wouldn’t have noticed in passing. Chanyeol swears this place has the best ramen he’s tasted outside of Japan, telling you to trust his judgement because he apparently travels there pretty often and has had his fair share of authentic Japanese cuisine.

You enter the small restaurant and are immediately greeted by the chef behind the counter, bowing and welcoming you inside and showing you to some seats. After perusing the menu and putting your order in, its not long before your steaming hot bowl of ramen arrives and you thank the chef for the food.

Picking up your spoon, you dip it inside the broth to scoop up some of the deliciousness to taste. The rich flavour immediately hits your senses and it tastes even better than it smells and looks.

“So?” Chanyeol asks, excited to hear your verdict.

“It really is so good!”

“Yay! I’m glad you like it.”

Chanyeol’s own bowl of ramen arrives immediately after and he follows your actions of thanking the chef before digging into the food, slurping up the broth and noodles.

Having ordered a smaller serving and receiving your food before Chanyeol, you end up finishing before he does and you allow yourself some silent moments to reflect on the past few hours you’ve spent with him.

You don’t think you’ve been this happy in a long time. And you can’t remember the last time you’ve felt this comfortable around someone new either. Could you really call him someone new though? After the amount of time you’ve spent texting together and on calls, coffee meetups in the mornings…you’ve definitely entered some sort of situationship with him. Any doubts you had about whether he felt the same way you did about him had dissipated. Any inklings of wonder you had whether he felt it to the intensity you did had gone too. Because just as much as you love spending time with him, he seems to want your company the same also.

Maybe you are ready. More than you had previously thought. Just scared, maybe.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Chanyeol asks, derailing your train of thought.

“I was just thinking…hypothetically, maybe I am ready to go on that date.”

The smile he gives you is impish. It’s not the bright, happy kind of smile you were expecting. It’s the mischievous kind, like when a little kid knows a silly secret or something. It makes you squint your eyes at him, questioning his motives.

“What?”

“Well, actually, we kinda did already go on that hypothetical date.”

You’re wondering what in the hell he’s on about when it clicks. What dat- Oh. Oh. A movie and dinner. The classic, run of the mill date.

You can’t even be mad. It’s too smart. He tricked you into going on a first date with him.

“Clever bastard.”

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goddess1111sblog · 2 years

Text

I came across this cool success story on reddit by u/celestial-form. It is worth a read.❤️

A long success story

Here is the summary of my wonderful experience of consciously visualizing myself into a drama that later materialized.

I was 11 years old, living in Tehran, Iran, my birthplace. I was a very strange child with an abstract, sort of a metaphysical mind. I was very perceptive and questioned every area of life. One day I was observing my life and suddenly came to the conclusion that I don’t like my life. I didn’t like the country I lived in, I didn’t relate to the culture and I knew I couldn't thrive there. As I was a very imaginative child I told myself, what if I can escape this reality in my imagination?

The same night I lay down and before sleep, I decided to experience what it would be like If I lived in a different country and went to school there. As I am laying down I hold steadfast to the joy I would feel if I actually lived somewhere else. I couldn’t specify the country but i could specify the wonderful feeling of ahh, my wish has finally come true.

I resided in that feeling, and I even remember my attention wandering off into randomness but I brought it back and again held it steadfastly on the wonderful feeling of my desire being my reality. I dropped into sleep while holding the feeling and I found myself in a vivid dream (imaginal act). I was sitting in a classroom, there were black people and blonde people, and girls and boys were sitting in the same room (this doesn’t happen in Iran). I was sitting in the last row of the class on the right end of the room and I was observing my classmates. Suddenly I had an overpowering feeling that “omg, I live here, this is my classroom, this is my home.” and I had a feeling of certainty that this is a different country from my hometown. The dream was so intense and vivid that when I woke up I had to take a moment to realize that was a dream. I was so certain that I was living there with all of my being until I awoke and realized it was just a dream and I was terribly disappointed that it was all a dream, I nearly wanted to cry.

Fast-forwarding to age 12, my cousin from Germany calls to ask my Mom if she’d be interested in applying for the DV lottery program for a chance to win a U.S. green card. She said oh it must be a scam but if it’s free we will apply. So, all of us 3 members of the family applied and let it go. My mom kept saying oh this is probably fake, nothing is gonna happen. But since it was free she thought well we don’t have much to lose.

Next year comes and we get a phone call from my cousin in Germany. “I have good news and bad news,” she says what is it. K (me) has won the lottery but you can’t go with her because she’s a kid. If you had won you could take the entire family and kids under the age of 21. My mom was excited but also disappointed. She said well it’s ok, we’ll send her alone so she can finish her high school and college there.

Fast-forwarding again, a year passes and my family applies for the lottery again in hopes that they might win. And surely, my mom wins just a year after I had won. I was prepared to go to the U.S. alone, I had an interview appointment at the U.S. embassy in the UAE but we had to cancel it because now that my mom has won, she can take her 13-year-old child with her. So, exactly this happens. We go to the embassy and my mom and I get an American Visa added to our Iranian passports. they said once we enter the U.S. they will send us a permanent resident card in the mail.

So, I come to the U.S. with my newly divorced mother. I spoke English fluently almost with no accent. I am now 15 years old and entered my sophomore year in high school. One day I am sitting in my world history class, in the back of the room on the far right end row and I’m observing the room when suddenly I feel, “I have been here before.” I was sitting in the same exact spot I sat in and some of my classmates had blonde hair and others were black which is something I could never have in Iran.

I just want to point out, that at the age of 11 I had no access to Neville's teachings, I didn’t consciously know what I was doing, I just intended to escape my life in my imagination and I did it at night before sleep and I intensely focused on it because I was so deeply in love with the idea of living in a different country. I didn’t think about what country or even what it would look like, I only resided in the wonderful feeling that my wish is true and I held the feeling so intensely that I fell asleep to it and my subconscious mind put me in the exact drama that would resemble the feeling as completely true. My subconscious dreamed the scene automatically. I didn’t pick it.

Another point is, after that, I always had a sure feeling in my heart that one day I will live in a foreign land, even a psychic had told my mom that she sees suitcases packed and we are leaving the country. I was 12 at that time. my mother thought she was talking nonsense.

From the story that I have shared here, you may be able to tell that I personally nor my mom didn’t lift a finger to make it happen. It all came to us, my cousin offered to fill out the application for us, and she did everything. And my mom kept consciously doubting, she said it will never happen, this is a scam and such words but my subconscious conviction and imagination were far more powerful than the doubts of the conscious mind (i personally didn't think it's gonna happen either, I just had a feeling one day I'll live elsewhere. When we actually won it felt like a miracle. My parents were in the middle of a divorce, they sold the house and all our stuff, I and my mom moved in with my grandparents and suddenly we had good news about moving to the U.S. and everything was at the perfect time. I can even say, it was mathematically perfect timing and the orchestration was done so smoothly and effortlessly. like, an extremely fine work of drama.

I moved to the U.S. at the age of 15, which is 4 years after the visualization experience. Now, I am 24 and received my American passport 4 years ago. Since age 22 I have been consciously manifesting and using the law. Before that, I didn’t have any practice or technique that would allow me to “direct” the law. I manifested a 7 figure business and healed my shoulder injury all from the state of being half asleep. From the drowsy state between complete sleep and wakefulness.

The last thing I want to add is that you want to replace your feeling of attachment to an idea with the feeling of conviction and certainty that it is already done. It is the present reality. Instead of the worry feeling of “what if it doesn’t come true?” reside in the feeling of, “ahh, how wonderful that I am this…”.

It is truly about changing your concept of yourself. Even when you worry and have anxiety around your life you are still in the center of the universe with the divine. And always remember that you have these wonderful capacities because you are God’s child. As he said “yee are made in his image.” that means, the wonderful mind of the creator of this wonderful drama of a universe resides within you. Therefore as he dreams, you can dream too. It’s just about controlling your mind and feeling. And remember, the cause of all our suffering is that we have lost touch with our true Self which is one with the Lord of the universe.

Take this affirmation with you:

“I know that God’s power is limitless; and as I am made in His image, I, too, have the strength to overcome all obstacles.”

and, always, always, always, focus on the feeling of the wish fulfilled before falling asleep.

Here's the link if you wanna read it on the app :- 🔗🔗🔗

#law of assumption #neville goddard #loa #manifestation advice #manifest #sp manifest #111talks #affirmation #self concept #manifestations #reddit

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turquoisedata · 8 months

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I created my Reddit account in Jan 2020 because I was there just reading and there was a comment on the Good Omens subreddit that was just so perfect to me at the time that I had to reply to it.

I created this Tumblr earlier this month because I COULDN'T GET OVER SEASON 2 and my offline friends were not as obsessed as me and I needed somewhere to read about it and write about it and know that people are as obsessed and as in pain as I am.

..... I remembered last night that I actually signed up for ao3 in April 2020, FOR GOOD OMENS CONTENT.

I have literally NEVER signed up for any form of social media or website for any of the other fandoms I've ever been in fallen headlong into, mainly (but not limited to):

Lost

Mr Robot

Person of Interest

And loads of others where I absolutely love the show but you don't exactly dive into the mythology - Brooklyn 99, Superstore, Grace and Frankie, even The Leftovers - loved that show but I didn't engage with wtf is going on in the same way.

This universe does something to me. And I cannot put my finger on what. I just love it.

The weirdest part is, I was not on board with a second season. I only got with the programme once quite a few of my friends were like it's fine, Neil discussed it with Terry, it'll be great. I mean, they were right, but I DID NOT ANTICIPATE HOW MUCH IT WOULD ONCE AGAIN BREAK MY BRAIN. Honestly last time it was a slow burn thing and it took a while after watching to really dive into all the layers of everything. And of course lockdown. What else was I going to do?!

I genuinely don't know how I'm gonna climb out of this.

#why can't i stop thinking about this show #good omens s2 #good omens 2 #good omens

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ireallyamabear · 8 months

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ok, elementary season 6 part 2: was I totally wrong about this season? it's really not bad! i think that one awful episode was the only thing i remembered ...

thoughts on eps 7 to 17, only minimal spoilers:

episode 7: Sober Companions

Excellent episode, the dread is real. Michael is a little bit of a caricature of a serial killer, but I think it works. this was of course not one of the usual cases, so it stands out. very good!!

episode 8: Sand trap

back to business as usual. Sherlock is healed etc etc. The case starts out pretty memorable (the body in the concrete) … highlight of the episode is the Gay cameo imo. I swear so many Elementary episode feel like the writer read the top posts on r/all and made a case out of it, here it’s the sand mafia. pretty good!!

episode 9: nobody lives forever

ok, and in this case the writers are predicting what will trend on social media… the whole story about taking blood from young people to stave of aging. The whole case is pretty thin, though, and they have the b-plot with Alfredo (good to see him!) to fill up time. which is much better. there’s a pretty emotional gut punch in the end (no spoilers) which actually made me very sad. all in all, B minus for the case. there have been much better cases in the scientific/research world.

episode 10: The adventure of the Ersatz Sobekneferu

meh. the case was okay i guess… ill spoil this one: i kind of think it’s boring if the first suspect turns out to be the murderer in the end, and everything in between is just window dressing. also…. in the whole episode about art forgery they don’t mention Moriarty once? even though that’s such a big part of her character? and then they do mention her at the end of the episode anyway for that other plot? why not have Sherlock be like… “she’s been on my mind” or something. mhm. glad that Morland is back, though.

episode 11: You've come a long way

pretty good case, again. until … they focused so long on that secretary that it was clear she was the murderer like halfway through the episode. so that was a dud. And then the whole Moriarty storyline… it’s so clear that they couldn’t get Natalie Dormer for these episodes so they just talk about her. And tbh they did such a good job with the Michael storyline in the first part of the season that now this other storyline is almost annoying! they are doing too much.

episode 12: Meet your maker

they made johnny lee miller say “pay pigs” lol this case was really good! very interesting set up, different stages that they made easy to follow, and no obvious rehash of stuff they’ve done before. and the b-plot around Marcus is really nicely tied in. did I mention I love Marcus?

episode 13: Breathe

another front-page-of-reddit case. the construction of the case was a bit flimsy tbh. it’s kind of weird that the guy was gonna kill himself to frame the pharma dude. really? otherwise, no complaints, but kind of forgettable.

episode 14: Through the fog

lockdown because of bomb threats is one of my favourite tropes. very good episode!

episode 15: How to get a Head

okay this was also a very good case??? wild ride, loved the union stuff! was i totally wrong about this season???

episode 16: Uncanny Valley of the dolls

they made lucy liu say “the sex doll could be witness to a murder”. the case is very meh. reminds me of the one with the ai doll… these kind of “future tech” scripts are always so stupid. this is a low point of the season, for sure, second worst episode by far. But every other season has two or three duds, so ...

episode 17: The Worms Crawl In, The Worms Crawl Out (great title)

middling case i would say. there’s a different post about all of these future tech cases of Elementary in here somewhere, but i’m not writing that today. Michael is back baby!!!!! the pacing of the season is a bit off. even at two or three episodes a day it feels like an eternity since that storyline last came up. I wish they’d had some scenes in the in between episodes where Watson and Sherlock work on the case.

#elementary #this is still about the cases #i like this season a lot actually until now!#it really is like getting new content from your favourite show! i did remember bits and pieces from various episodes and two or three #resolutions came back to me #still i love spending time with my besties joan and sherlock and marcus #some stuff is clunky but okay #joan watson #sherlock holmes #marcus bell #mp

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survey--s · 1 year

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454.

As you begin this survey, what is the current date and time? It’s February 2nd 2023, and it’s currently 8.15pm exactly.

How many blue-eyed people have you kissed? I have no idea, it’s not really something I keep track of.

Do you have a friend named Holly? Not nowadays, but I went to school with a few people called Holly.

Name the last 3 books you read. I have absolutely no idea - I don’t really read much anymore, to be honest.

When was the last time you saw someone attractive? About an hour ago.

Who was the last person you got into an argument with? I don’t really remember the last time I had a proper argument with anyone.

Think back to this time last year; who did you have feelings for? Michael.

Are you wearing anything that has any kind of pattern on it? Yeah, my dressing gown has polka dots on it.

Name all of the websites you have visited so far today. Tumblr, YouTube, Facebook, Mumsnet, Reddit, Google and a few others that I can’t think of at the moment.

What are your parents’ middle names? I’m not putting that on here - it’s just way too outing as they’re really not “normal” names lol.

Who was the last curly-haired person you talked to? Michael.

Does frequent use of swearwords offend or upset you? No, but I also think some people just use them for attention and it makes them sound pretty ridiculous.

Do you have romantic feelings for the last person you text messaged? No.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘S’? Suzanne.

When was the last time you turned down an invitation to go somewhere? Why? I honestly don’t remember. Nobody ever really invites me anywhere anyway lol.

If you’ve had a bad day, who is most likely to cheer you up? The dog.

How many Facebook friends do you have? 152.

Is there anyone on your “friends” list that you dislike? Nope. I don’t really add many people to Facebook though.

Is there anyone you dislike, that you have to see/speak to regularly? No, thankfully not.

Does anyone have a romantic interest in you, that you don’t return? Not so far as I know.

Has either of your parents ever borrowed your computer? Not this one, but yes, other ones in the past.

Are you living with anyone that isn’t related to you? I mean, the animals are all adopted lol.

Do you prefer drinks in bottles or cans? Cans.

How many people would you say you’ve been “in love” with? Three.

Which one of your relatives are you most likely to argue/disagree with? My dad, for sure.

Have your parents met the person you’re currently interested in? Yeah, we’re married lol.

When you’re interested in someone, do you let them know? Yes.

Do you know a Robert? Tell me about him. My brother-in-law is called Robert but I’ve only met him once. Who was your first major crush? A boy named William.

Do you still talk to that person? No. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since we were about eight.

Are you happy with the way things are going? I certainly am.

If not, what would you like to change? I just wish things weren’t so expensive lol.

Were you well-behaved as a child? Yes. I always hated getting in trouble.

Is there anything happening tomorrow, that you’re looking forward to? Tomorrow is just crazy busy lol. I am SO glad it’s Friday.

Is there anything you need to do, that you’re trying to avoid doing? Nah - I mean, I can’t just not go to work lol.

Did you have a good day yesterday? Actually yesterday was pretty good overall, but the weather was horrendous for most of is.

What about today? How has your day been so far? Exhausting lol. I worked 8.30-1.30pm, came home, had a shower, fed the animals, had lunch, watched some TV, walked Benji, fed him, came home and I’ve just been messing about online ever since.

Do you think tomorrow will be enjoyable for you? It won’t be bad, it’s just a really busy day.

Do you remember what you had for lunch yesterday? Leftover vegetable soup, some bread and an apple.

Are you looking forward to anything? Finishing for the weekend in about 21 hours time. Not that I’m counting lol.

What do you like the most about your own appearance? My height and figure.

Do you feel like you’ve changed at all over the past year? I’m happier and much more confident.

What were you doing before you went on the computer? Washing dishes.

How old were you 6 years ago? 28.

What are the chances that you will kiss someone tonight? 100%.

What did you drink at the last party you went to? I can’t remember the last time I went to a party lol.

Does the last person you text messaged have any tattoos or piercings? I think she has piercings but I’m not sure about tattoos.

Do you know what the person you have feelings for is doing at this moment? He’s upstairs - I assume watching TV or playing xBox.

When was the last time you had an alcoholic drink? New Years Eve.

When was the last time you had a difficult decision to make? I honestly don’t remember.

#survey #surveys

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chrimsone · 1 year

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This blog has really become some weird journal of mine, eh? What, I've realized I'll never have the social skills to get a group of people to call my own here. So might as well throw some long-winded mind-dumps out into the void. Someone might listen, don't really care if they do.

I've tried lots of things. Verbal words don't work. My mind doesn't work right in translating thoughts to the tongue. I'm lucky to have a better time typing out my brain-think than nothing at all. I've tried many a therapist. None really stuck. Just as we maybe would have gotten somewhere, something would happen and I'd just never reschedule. I've just given up on the route now.

Now on paper I tried a few. I used to draw out some feelings. Sometimes they'd be good but once I realized I just shouldn't draw I haven't tried. The bonus though is I don't cut anymore because of that. Blood really is the prettiest medium. Text is the closest I can get. I have a plethora of notebooks. Some well used, others only a few pages. The unlucky ones have many pages torn out. And the majority are completely untouched. Several books have attempted to become journals of mine. One sits to my left, a taunt to try and keep up. Otherwise, Docs carry a lot of vents. It's mostly annoying and I want to delete them. Not fun glancing at some of my saddening words when I just want to find an old story I was working on. There might be more things I've tried but they were inconsequential enough to not be worth remembering.

This came to mind recently because I had a chat with my clanmates. I've been avoiding interaction to prevent my complaining of my job. It's retail, these last two months are the worst time to be working retail, and it's most of what I can think about. Hell it's triggered a depressive episode multiple times. Can't do shit but sit and stare at the menu of my browser or steam. If I'm lucky I'll doomscroll enough of Reddit to hit either a sub in a different language or some obscure kink I haven't blacklisted yet. That's the most I amount to nowadays.

I want to write, you know I had plans to participate in NaNoWriMo? I couldn't even break 1k words on my attempt. I haven't looked at any of my other stuff. I try to think about it, and the same sentence loops in my head over and over and over and over -- as the anxiety of my next shift paralyzes me.

I spent a good chunk of this summer and fall just reading fics. Sometimes reading for the story. To see what people can do with an idea, or franchise I find interest in. I learned some things about media I'd normally never care about just because the premise of the fic seemed interesting. Learned the horrors of lust, but that's just a me thing. I tried to read with the intent of learning about writing.

Have I mentioned it before? I'm terrified to pursue a career in literature. I'm scared I'll find out I have some stupid gene that prevents me from even trying to get a good footing. I'm scared of what I might do if I ever find out. This is the last thing I'm clinging onto for some kind of future, and all that's left is hope.

So I look at how people write. I try to figure out what they do. Do they write in present or past tense? Is it better to do one over the other, or is it just preference? What habits does an individual form? How often do they repeat that?

How do I look like as a writer compared to them? Is my tense fucked up? I find myself writing in past tense, am I not supposed to? Are my patterns too obvious? Do I fall into habit too quick? Are my characters too similar? Does what I write even make sense?

I've been reading a bit again. Not much though. I feel guilty? Inferior? Frustrated. The source material has so much potential, and this is what people do with it? Hurt. I want a friend. I reached out, but all I received was a mere brush of contact. I feel alone in what remains of my passion. I try to connect with the friends I already have, but to them it's nothing more than a mere hobby. A consideration at most.

I don't tag these so I hope it doesn't show up on any radars to be honest. But I finally gave myself time to watch some of the Mandalorian. I've been wanting to, kind of. I never had any interest in Star Wars, a silly childhood trauma caused me to denounce the franchise, and by the time I no longer feared what I had, I didn't care. When the show was announced, my interest was piqued one way or the other. I always liked people who kept themselves masked up. I had no idea until what? Two years ago? But now that I've made the connection it's easy to say when that fascination pokes through. It happened with this.

I watched the first episode late at night. I had my phone on some shitty mobile game to keep my attention on. I wholly expected to not be interested. Catch onto the plot, find it boring and just watch to satisfy my niche.

Did you know that a beskar ingot disappears from Mando's hands in-between cuts in that first episode? I thought it was a CGI error in the beginning, but the way they handled the prop felt too real. So somehow in filming they forgot to tell him to hold the ingot during a set. It's only in like, the bottom left corner, barely noticeable. But I did.

I woke up the next day fully expecting to binge what I could. I watched the next two episodes after. And I loved them. The direction enamored me. It felt like something I would want to write. I desperately want to see the script for the show. How they planned out such amazing episodes. The action was entertaining, I thought to myself while watching how I could try to translate that into words. If I could.

In the opening of one of the first three episodes, I noticed a bandolier on his shin. I thought to myself, 'strange, that's not a very convenient place to stash your extra bullets.' and chalked it up to character design and left it there. Except, it wasn't I'm pretty sure, later in the same episode, he's kneeling, and using those bullets on his shin for the extra-charged sniper shot. Whatever that thing is. It all clicked and I fell in love.

And then I watched the fourth episode.

Something was off right away. He was talking a lot all of a sudden. Using more words than necessary. I thought, 'oh it's just to communicate with a child! They're still learning social skills so it's good to be thorough', but it never stopped. I noticed the show fell back into the monotony most shows have. I finished feeling gross. I didn't like the direction the story had went. I didn't like the shift from visual story telling to so much dialogue.

Would that opinion translate well to text?

The increase of work stress stopped me from really watching. I accepted that I probably won't get back to the show until after the Black Friday week. That was fine.

But I learned, the first three episodes weren't well received. It baffled me. I bet people were saying 'why not condense all that into one episode and get on with it?' I can see that complaint, and if it weren't written so well, maybe I'd agree.

I write like that. A lot of detail in a small frame of time. Those first three episodes had the style of something I would make. I'm obviously not as experienced. But I recognized the care to the small bits most overlook. Now I'm apprehensive about even finishing the show. I'll never get those three episodes back from the sounds of it. I'll never get the slow burn, minimal dialogue, action and establishing shots. It's something the people don't like.

Guess if I ever got my foot somewhere, I could change that.

One last thing before I end this month's message. Still related to writing. I applied to work for Bungie. To get out of the job I hate, and work for something I love.

At least they gave me a response.

I think that added to my depressive slump lately too. I just don't have what it takes. All I have is what? Four shitty fics posted to the public? All but one being from when I was sixteen. Everything else is in my head, with only a few being lucky enough to even get a rough draft somewhere in one of my notebooks or docs. Wonder If I'll ever get to work on a story for real.

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sierrastan · 6 years

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The later seasons of td (tdroti, tdas, tdpi, not tdrr and tdr) had no excuse to be shorter. I don’t care if it’s a trend for shows these days to have like 2 episodes per season, these seasons had the opportunity to be better if some characters got to stay longer so they could have more development.

tda had fourteen contestants and they easily could have had a full season because of the aftermaths and reward challenges. It feels like the three seasons I mentioned above were written to have a romantic couple to be the center of conflict for most of the episodes, and that was the only purpose of those seasons existing.

#sierra babbles #total drama #like I’m not saying if you extended tdas it would be better bc everyone has their opinions about it being a very.#controversial season #i mean that if they lengthened it so that they could develop things more instead of shittily writing down something #if that makes any sense #probably not #i cant believe mike and zoey had two seasons where they were the main romantic couple what even #i once read on like reddit or somewhere. that it would have been interesting if mal was written into roti #seeing two seasons about mike’s DID is kind of. eh. so i think that would’ve been a cool idea #imo roti didnt have any major villains — just people in the way of the good guys #scott jo and lightning werent huge threats — they were just antagonists to a certain group of characters. mostly being mike zoey and cam #so mal (if he was written well) wouldve been nice of roti #but yeah #too many tags sorry

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sohotthateveryonedied · 3 years

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Hiii!! I really love your tumblr posts and I'm pretty new to the Batfam (meaning I have only read fics and textposts about them, no comics) and I wanted to ask about the year Bruce/Batman gets "lost in time". I know general things of what the kids have been doing–Dick became batman and fired Tim from robin, giving it to Damian, everyone thinking Tim was crazy for believing Bruce was alive, (don't really know what Jason was up to though, was he still murderous towards Tim? Does the pit still affect him? Also I have no idea about Cass and Duke, were they introduced at this point??) Anyways, my real question was why was Bruce lost in time, what villain put him there? And how did he get out? And how long was he "dead"? Was Bruce in another reality or like just asleep the whole time? Oh! And how soon did this happen after Damian got introduced to the family–a couple months?

I'm so sorry this is so long, but I hope you answer and thank you!!

(I’m going to try and cover all my bases here by going into how exactly Bruce “died,” what went down during the Battle For the Cowl, what the Batkids did while Bruce was gone, and how Bruce came back. Hopefully it all makes sense?? We’ll see how it goes lmao.)

Part 1 - What Happened to Bruce:

So there was this event called Final Crisis (which I won’t go completely into since it would make this post a million times longer than it already is), but the bottom line is that Darkseid wants to overthrow reality and release his Anti-Life Equation, which would overthrow the whole planet and turn everyone into slaves. (If you’re interested in knowing more about the storyline, here’s a Reddit thread that explains it WAY better than I could.)

What I CAN tell you is that during his final confrontation with Darkseid, Bruce is hit by an Omega Beam and turned into a burnt chicken nugget killed. Poor guy.

Final Crisis #6

Clark and Diana bring the body back to the Batcave and break the news to the Batfamily. Batman #687 covers a good portion of the aftermath such as Bruce’s funeral, the Batfamily grieving, and Dick coming to terms with his new responsibility of becoming Batman.

Batman #687

Part 2 - Battle For the Cowl:

Musical chairs time, fellas! After word gets out that Batman is gone, Gotham erupts into chaos. Dick doesn’t want to take over the mantle, Tim needs Dick to take over the mantle, and Jason says “fuck it” and takes over the mantle himself because somebody around here has to. He becomes this murderous psychopathic Batman and starts taking out criminals with deadly force because someone’s gotta do the job, so it might as well be him.

Batman: Battle For the Cowl #1

(Okay honestly, this series had some pretty bad characterization overall, which sucks since it’s such an important storyline. Jason is portrayed as this violent psychopath, which...okay, he was kind of insane after the Pit and all, but not to this degree. Personally, I choose to owe the bad characterization to Bruce’s death because as much as Jason resents Bruce for all he’s done, he does still love him and losing him would be devastating, which would exacerbate his already fragile mental health. As for Damian, this happens roughly three years after his first appearance, so we can assume it’s been a few months since he first joined the family. He’s still relatively new at this point, so nobody knows how to write him yet. He ends up being depicted as if his main two personality traits are Bratty and Assassin-Child and that’s it. It’s all just a mess.)

Anyway, Tim tells Dick to become Batman and stop Jason’s reign of terror. Dick says no, so Tim follows Jason’s lead by saying “fuck it” and putting on the cowl himself. He goes to confront Jason, which ends in Jason beating the crap out of him (again) and leaving him for dead after Tim declines his offer to become Jason’s Robin. Dick goes to save Tim and ends up fighting Jason.

Battle For the Cowl #3

Dick wins, Jason disappears, Tim is fine, and Dick finally gets his head out of his ass and becomes Batman.

Part 3 - What Happens to Each Batkid While Bruce is “Dead”?:

Dick:

As I said, Dick becomes the new Batman a month after Bruce’s death. He’s got big shoes to fill, and it takes some time for him to get used to his new role. He and Damian end up flipping around the classic Batman and Robin dynamic, with Batman now as the fun counterpart to Robin’s edginess. Dick, Damian, and Alfred relocate to the penthouse above the Wayne Foundation building, operating out of a secret Bat-Bunker in the basement.

Batman #688

Jason:

After Battle For the Cowl, Jason is still batshit insane and determined to make Dick’s already stressful life even harder by becoming a supervillain with an ugly costume and an even uglier hairstyle. (I know it’s just because the artist sucked, but still. Jason is horrifying to look at during this time.) He mostly just gets on Dick’s nerves by running around Gotham with his new sidekick Scarlet and killing criminals as Batman and Robin wannabes. Eventually, Dick has Jason committed to Arkham Asylum and he hangs out there until Bruce returns.

Batman and Robin (2009) #5

Tim:

Tim...doesn’t do great after Bruce’s death, mentally. Dick makes Damian Robin, his reasoning being that Robin is more of a sidekick and he sees Tim as his equal. By making Damian Robin, Dick hopes that it will give him the stability he needs to keep him from straying back toward the “bad” side. (It’s the right move ultimately, although his execution was pretty messed up since he didn’t discuss it with Tim beforehand, but he’s allowed to make mistakes. Dick’s father just died and now he’s in charge of picking up the pieces of their broken family. It’s a lot to handle.)

Long story short, Tim has a breakdown, realizes that Bruce is alive, dons the Red Robin identity, and cuts ties with his family to travel the world in search of proof. It’s a rough time.

Red Robin #1

Damian:

Our little guy becomes Robin! So proud of him! As I explained earlier, Dick makes Damian his Robin with the assumption that it will keep him out of trouble, and he’s right on that account. He mentors Damian, teaching him how to channel his violent instincts into something productive, and it works! Slowly but surely, Damian makes the transition from bratty assassin to actual hero!

Batman and Robin (2009) #22

Cass:

Duke sadly was not introduced at this point in time, so he missed out on all the pandemonium. Cass, however, has been Batgirl for years by now, but she got kind of pushed aside by the writers after Bruce’s death. Bruce disappears shortly after adopting Cass, but once he was “dead,” the writers sort of moved Cass around for a while, not quite knowing what to do with her. First she was with the Outsiders. Then they got disbanded and Cass tried forming a new network of heroes to take over for Batman if needed. Then she helped out in said network during Battle for the Cowl, taking care of a newly ravaged Gotham. Then Cass gave the Batgirl mantle to Stephanie Brown after she became disillusioned with the role, thanks to the loss of her father and mentor. Then Cass picked up and moved to Hong Kong to “follow Bruce’s plans” by continuing whatever work he had set up for her there. It was all very vague and confusing, and Cass more or less got swept under the rug during this time. Thanks, writers.

Batgirl (2009) #1

Part 4 - How Bruce Came Back:

When the Blackest Night storyline happens, the Justice League realizes that the corpse buried under Bruce’s grave is apparently not the real one and that he’s actually alive out there somewhere! How wild is that! This is further proven by Dick after he places Bruce’s body in a Lazarus Pit to revive, which has the same result because it’s very clearly Not Bruce and they should have listened to Tim from the start.

Batman and Robin (2009) #9

Anyway, what actually happened is that the Omega Beams that Darkseid shot at Bruce didn’t kill him, but rather blasted him back through time to the prehistoric era with his memories wiped. The Omega Energy inside of Bruce ends up catapulting him through various time periods, which is all part of Darkseid’s plan. With each time-hop, Bruce builds up more Omega Energy in his body which, when he gets back to his original time period, will be unleashed and destroy everything.

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #5

It’s been a little under two years since Final Crisis, though in-universe it’s uncertain exactly how long Bruce has been “dead.” We can assume it’s been a year, give or take. The way he comes back is too scientific and complicated for me to understand, so uhhhh the bottom line is that Tim and a few Leaguers save Bruce at the Vanishing Point and the day is saved! Hooray!

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #6

(If you want to read about how it actually goes down, then I seriously recommend reading Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne. It’s only six issues, so it’s a quick read and it explains the situation far better than I ever could.)

Bruce eventually reunites with his family after spying on them for a period of time as Insider to see what has changed in his absence:

Bruce Wayne: The Road Home

After that, things quickly settle back into their new normal. Dick and Damian stay on as Batman and Robin. Bruce goes back to being Batman as well, with him handling Batman Incorporated business and Dick continuing as Gotham’s defender. Tim keeps the Red Robin outfit, Steph stays on as Batgirl, and Cass becomes Black Bat. Jason stays in Arkham for a while before filing an appeal to be moved to a regular prison. He kills 82 inmates in less than a week and gets transferred back to Arkham, which he promptly escapes from. It’s a ride, I tell ya.

Aaaaand that’s about it! I hope this answered all of your questions!

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rottenwoodandwiltedsunflowers · 2 years

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2/2-2/5 Recaps (Kae)

A recap post?! From moi?!

I stopped writing recaps somewhere before I hit triple digits, pre-global pandemic. At our very last pre-pandemic show, in October 2019, I was at that place where I was not quite as into the show. Or rather, wasn’t appreciating it in the same way. It was like a nice trip home, but I was increasingly interested in exploring other shiny, new immersive shows and didn’t find myself as connected with the actors or characters as I once had been. Coupled with parenthood and a job change that meant fewer trips to NYC generally, my relationship with SNM became very casual.

As the pandemic stretched time into a red thread of meaningless nothingness, I was so frustrated with myself that I didn’t take stock of my last show in Oct 2019. I can’t remember who I saw or what I did. As months became years, corners of the building faded from my mind’s eye. I wasn’t sure if the doors would ever reopen or if this world would be disassembled and disposed of before I could experience it again. I wished I had taken the time to pay attention to that last show. Or at least to jot down some notes. So here I am, jotting down some notes. I’ll keep it quick, but these little lockets of memories are for me as much as for anyone who wants to read along. (If you’re wondering about show logistics, Waffle covered that really well in his 2/2 recap.)

Putting my mini-recaps below in case you don’t want any so-called “spoilers.” Everything happens in full view so it’s not really a spoiler, IMO, but I know there are a lot of people planning to go back over the next few weeks who may want to explore on their own.

2/2

It was a goddamn family reunion in line. Including many corners of the SNM fandom from original tumblr bloggers to Discord and Reddit folks, our Tumblr crew, and several fellow out of towners who made a trip just for this night. Ironically, I became closer to many of these SNM super fans during the pandemic either because of Lost Immersive or Eschaton or both. All in all, I couldn’t and still can’t believe this place is back.

To be greeted by Dewey Danger Flynn (JWW) with a microphone in hand. My heart. Just. Fuck. Then, when Waffle and most of my pals disappeared with Stella Sinclair (Karen Marie) for the first entry, I was a little disappointed because of course I had dreams of getting to that first ballroom. June (Robi’s WIB) popped through the curtains and took a small group of about six of us to, lo and behold, the ELEVATOR. THE ELEVATOR. Any FOMO I had disappeared. To be back with James (Jamal) on that first elevator again…whew.

First loop with Layne’s bald witch, who immediately pullled me in with her ballroom solo (and surprisingly did all the typical bald witch interactions). Second loop was all about SJL’s Hecate, which was full of surprise content and trips around various spots on 4. There’s a lot of new Hecate out-of-boudoir out-in-the-open scenes to make up for the time she usually spent in 1-1’s, as well as a way to get the porter note circulating without the 1-1. The modified interaction version of the post-dinner cabaret works brilliantly, IMO, and SJL is a treasure and has there always been a mandrake root there?! Has it been there this whole time or is it new?! The not-knowing is part of the fun.

Stood back for the final banquet to take it in with fresh eyes. How many times did I intentionally skip the banquet? 100+? And yet it was one of the things that deeply moved me at my first show. Was surprised that an audience that was 90% super fans had very few people “waiting in the wings” off of the sides of the banquet table. (Yes, walkouts are happening.) The overall vibe all night was that we were all just happy to be home and appreciate the people and the place.

2/3

Stair entry with Stella and she’s a HOOT. Rumors flying from last night that the elevator entry isn’t happening post-covid. It is, obviously, but the staggered entry is sneaky. Love that we already have disputed facts and FOMO feelings less than 24 hour into the doors opening. Welcome back, super fans, with all my love. :)

Joy Marie Thompson is already iconic. I… Her bald… I don’t really have a good comparison point. She fully owns the role and it’s so, so good. I love that she flirtatiously mocks Banquo when he does his little show off move in the ballroom. She smirks and does a hand motion like, “Ehhh…it’s so-so,” that made me laugh out loud.

I planned to intentionally loop other characters so I forced myself to peel off from Joy immediately after the first rave. Something about being back made me want to loop again, especially loop the residents I hadn’t watched in a long time pre-pandemic.

Cut to a full loop with Michael Bryan Wang’s Fulton. The graveyard set is updated and refreshed and it’s gorgeous as well as more covid safe for the performers. I enjoyed this loop and saw some small stuff that I either forgot about or is new…unclear. Has that thing behind the door behind the curtain always been there? My Fulton loving friends would know, but I truly have no idea. MBW and Elias Rosa’s taxi danced beautifully together.

Wandered 5 because Waffle was freaking out about the new content on 5 the night before. Didn’t see it, but caught some of the new Orderly/Nurse (Brandon Coleman) and Matron (Aliza Russell) stuff that happens in the room with beds. Really fun if you have had the 1-1 and get the references and also works great as is with the other new content on 5, especially (which I saw on a later night). No regrets. Also, the whole floor is replenished and freshened up. It even feels like the maze is more thick with pokey branches to get stuck by and on.

2/4

Waffle was about to burst from not telling me about 5, so he cajoled me into agreeing to start the show on 5 instead of going down to the first ballroom. We did. And I did a really lovely whole loop+ with Joy’s nurse as a result, who now has “filling the bathtub in the Macbeth’s room” as part of her job description. #1: I didn’t realize that was a working bathtub with plumbing. #2: I was very concerned about timing. Like, did we really have time to fill the whole tub?! We did. #3: Macbeth had a nice fresh warm bath, unlike Lady M’s room temperature prefilled bath, which is blatant sexism if you ask me.

The thing on 5 is FUCKING PHENOMENAL. Best “new thing” I’ve seen in a long time. Maybe since Caroline/Rev content was added? I hope they keep it in even if 1-1’s come back. Choreography: A+ Dramatic tension: A+ Slightly terrifying: A+ Build on the narrative on 5: A+ It was worth spending half of my show and more than a full loop on 5, for sure. I highly recommend. It’s one of those things that is either complete luck to stumble upon or a wonderful reward for following for a whole loop, which is exactly what I want in 1-1 replacement content and just like...new SNM content in general.

Hadn’t spent any time with my old pal, the Porter, so I spent the rest of the night with Andrew Pastide’s Porter. He’s a lovely, tender Porter that hits the emotional high and low notes in a way that works and he leaves salty tears on the boat note, which is the type of Porter vibe I like most. “Moonlight” still gets me every time. Andrew literally hangs from the rafters during the reset dance. Fantastic. The 1-1 alternative content is somewhat unexpected and works well at relating to the 1-1 if you’ve had it while being interesting if you haven’t.

By this point, I’d figured out that many characters who had 1-1’s now have new content, so I doubled down on my commitment to full looping. Both to possibly catch new scenes and revisit ones I hadn’t watched in a long time. There are also many little covid-related changes that are fun and reassuring to see (like Danvers keeping her drink supplies under lock and key and Speakeasy knocking on Hecate’s door to get the food for her dinner scene).

Met the great and powerful Oz (Miguel Anaya) in the hotel lobby bar. (They’re calling it “Porter’s Corner” which I think is hilarious.) I’ll always miss Max, and I’m so happy for Miguel in this role! The band has been renamed the Oswald McKittrick Trio!

2/5 Early

Holy empty show. It seemed like there were less than 100 people. It was like Sunday matinees of old on a very light day. Mostly people who looked confused about where to go and everyone gave the performers lots of space. Covid anxiety has its silver linings, I suppose.

Robi’s Lady MacDuff first loop and Kelly’s Danvers second loop, followed by the final partial loop with Jeffrey Docimo’s Porter (OMG).

Had no idea who Porter was as I apparently don’t recognize Jeff without bushy facial hair. When I found out who it was, his literal backstroke and breaststroke across the hotel lobby desk during his INSPIRED reset dance, during which he also held himself up horizontally parkour-style off of the pipe by the pillar near the phone booths, made sense.

Kelly’s Danvers has a vindictive moment while she’s making the milk at the top of the loop. She added all the spells and potions to the milk, including a drop from her vial of pocket poison. Then, the Duncan bell tolls and she looks up, pained and steeling herself. Her mood visibly shifts and she takes out the vial and adds two more drops of poison, emphatically. If she loses Duncan, she sure as hell is going to make sure the MacDuffs suffer, too.

Robi and Ernesto Breton make the most earnest MacDuff couple and I forgot how wonderful the pre-ballroom duets in their apartment are, in general. What a joy to see these dances performed by these people. These two had great chemistry and really nailed the, “We’ve been married a long time and we know each other too well” couple energy. Seeing performers who have been in the show for a long time or were in the show a long time ago, together in this amalgamated 2022 cast of older and newer residents, is DELIGHTFUL.

It was at this show that I declared that golden age of SNM and second golden age of SNM be damned. The show is good right now, objectively fantastic. This is, officially, the third and current so-called Golden Age and I’m confident that’s not just deprivation bias.

2/5 Late

Final show in our run and the last for some time—we won’t be back for the Feb 14th Grand Reopening. I’m glad we did a whole run of shows. There’s more I wanted to see and do and even some new content I didn’t catch yet, but I feel content. My cup is full. And I’m so excited to hear what else changes over the next few weeks and months. I’m so happy we can finally go back.

The full first elevator spiel was back for this show! With more people inside the elevator and letting the first person off, distributing guests across floors, the whole usual elevator script. De-fucking-lightful! Evan Fisk as James also cracked a joke and asked me a question about my t-shirt and I responded with verbal words without thinking, which felt like a possible trap as soon as I spoke, but he just laughed. I don’t know if they kept using the elevator or broke the crowd into two entry groups again, but wow it was good to experience the first elevator just like I remember it!

Ernesto’s Speaks is just as good as I remember, with a couple small surprises. The new card game has major WOW factor. I have no idea how it was done and Ernesto showboated the hell out of it. I heard from someone else who played the card game and had a totally different ending, which makes me wonder even more how it all works. Are there multiple possible outcomes?! Must investigate in the future.

Evan Fisk’s Taxi was having the best time being a weirdo with little taxidermy friends and dreams of hammer murder. He played a little game with an audience member and just slightly threatened them with the hammer. (Don’t worry. They were rewarded in the end.) The 5th floor stag dance is one I haven’t seen in...I don’t know, a long time, and it was wonderful to see Evan performing the hell out of it. Especially having watched Camara’s Matron watch Taxi perform this piece just a day before. I was reminded how fun it is to unlock deeper understanding as you unwrap and piece together the show over your first visits.

This is one of only two shows during which I went out to the bar. That said, there are 3-5 bar characters milling about every night, for this week at least, so having a “dance or a drink” is very possible if you’re game. One night, I had an extended convo with Alec Funiciello’s Jimmy about his backstory, during which Robi’s June sidled up and asked me to pass a note written on a bar napkin to Jimmy for her. (Apparently, she stole his fortune and is willing to give no more than half of it back. I feel like I missed some Folies backstory or something here, so if someone knows the extended context for this interaction, do let me know!)

All in all, I am so glad to have spent this time during the first week of previews getting reaquainted with the old building and old friends. It’s clear the cast and crew are glad to be back, too, and there is more care between fans and staff/cast than I’ve felt in a long time. I think it feels a bit more reciprocal, not just transactional, or at least it feels that way to me. Here’s to many happy returns, yours and mine. - KaeLyn

#Sleep No More #sleep no more nyc #Sleepnomore #sleepnomorenyc #mckittrick #mckittrick hotel

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theartingace · 3 years

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Hello! I saw your centaur-rider culture post on reddit and RAN HERE BECAUSE CENTAURS! So I’ve been reading and looking at the beautiful drawings I think they’re all amazing. Though I came across one particular question about belly buttons and there was some horror and some confusion. So I’d like to help you out. The belly button would be on the human side because simply it’s closer to the brain. We don’t want the blood to go through that huge horse body before the brain. To be continued

Part 2 abt belly buttons. You see embryologically the belly button is where the baby gets it’s oxygenated blood. And then tries to pump most of that blood to the brain before it loses some precious O2 on the way. Although with this in mind I wonder if centaurs have two hearts and two separate circulatory systems? Because a human heart surely couldn’t support a centaur body. But a horse heart could be too low to pump the blood all the way up to the human brain. To be continued...

Part 3. If there are two circulatory systems there would be two belly buttons but I don’t know how would the mother deal with that. So I think there’s probably a strong heart somewhere between the two hearts and the belly button is at the human side, though much lower than ours. There would also be a need for some bone structure to keep the heart safe... And I can’t stop thinking about centaur anatomy now! If you’ve made that discord i want in!!

HAHA JOIN ME!! Though I don’t have that discord up yet, Once I settle into my new dayjob I’ll likely finally have some time and energy to get it set up and running- at which point I will definitely be posting it for all us centaur physiologists!!

Also bless you for your defense of the human-side belly button, it’s a very good point and I’m keeping it. My thought on their circulatory system is that the horse-side heart is the strongest and the human-side heart acts as auxillary to help keep the blood in the upper-half pressurized and moving- particularly to prevent blackouts every time they swing their arms and bend down at the same time! Of course that sets them up for interesting flaws if the hearts get out of rhythm but if invertebrates and the Doctor can get away with it I think centaurs can do it too.

#asked and answered #centaurs #centaur anatomy #bless you anon #I reject the no-belly button on the human side #can't do it #Anonymous

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nancydrewwouldnever · 11 months

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Nancy, do you think chris is as generous as ppl think or believe in matter of money? he himself doesn't live that glamorous life, private jet rides excluded and we don't know for sure if he really pays for the family and friends.yes he does let his homes to be used as air bnb by people, but do you think he is that careless to spend it on ppl just like that.

Yes, I think he is. I don't know if you ever read this story in an old interview, but he once said one of the first things he did with one of his first Hollywood paychecks was take his two roommates out and bought all three of them Sean John velour tracksuits (lol). I think he's one of those people-pleaser types who do fall heavily into buying things/gifts for people.

I spent some time looking for a screencap I know I have somewhere in my stupid unorganized files of an older story that came out of either a Reddit thread or an old ONTD comments thread. The original poster had been a waiter in an L.A. restaurant that Chris and his friends group would come in to a lot pre-Marvel years. The original poster was pretty clear in how much he/she hated the friends because they were loud and obnoxious. What was interesting, though, is the poster said Chris always paid for everything when the group was out. This was at a time when he was nowhere near as financially secure as he was after Marvel. The poster even said that many times he would be in a quiet mood and leave very early, but pay the check before he left, while his friends would continue to eat/drink on his dime when he was already gone.//

I remember Octavia did an IG post about him and mentioned that he always pays for dinner, he'll even sneak paying for it to make sure he takes care of everyone. I think it was a birthday post, may be from last year.

I do think that is very nice of him, but it can get people to use him for his money. He should really pull back on things like that. He needs to know and have people around him that want him for him not what he can buy for them. It sounds like a depressing life.

Yes, Octavia once shared the story of how he pre-payed for her large birthday dinner in Prague while they were there filming Snowpiercer in 2012.

#ask

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victoriareyloficlists · 3 years

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12 April 2021 Additions to Reylo Fluff

These fics have been added to the Fluff lists located in the following lists:

Fluff Part 1 Titles A-G

Fluff Part 2 Titles H-M

Fluff Part 3 Titles N-S

Fluff Part 4 Titlez T-Z

Zombie Run by OptimisticBeth (AO3 2018 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: During a charity run, Rey is relentlessly pursued by a zombie.) The Road Taken by gogoburritos (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey pulls a prank on her housemate Ben. She doesn't expect it to turn out so well.) Loose Change by spicytofuuuu (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: "I ate your pizza. It was a desperate move. I'm sorry. Not proud of myself. Here is $4." An Oh-My-God-They-Were-Roommates, They-Have-One-Single-Shared-Brain-Cell fic.) just say you love me by darthswift13 (AO3 2021 Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which Rey gets drunk on Saturday nights and confesses her true feelings for her roommate Ben, only to forget on Sunday mornings. Will Rey ever be able to confess her feelings when sober?) r/Relationships by elle_reads (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben's new roommate moves in just before a shelter-in-place order is issued. It's just the two of them—and Reddit, of course.) The Sublet by javajunkie (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and Rose sublet their spare room to Ben Solo.) Knock Me Down by commandercrouton (AO3 2019 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben gets a concussion thanks to Rey.) Love in the Language of Sweaters by SaintHeretical (AO3 2019 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Corporate executive Ben Solo mocks holiday sweaters until he sees the delivery girl wear them.) You Need a Tutor by castles_and_crowns (AO3 2018 Rated T Complete, 28 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is an engineering student who finds herself struggling with calculus. Desperate, she goes to the math tutoring center on campus for help. Meanwhile, Ben Solo is a grad student who's required to work a certain amount of hours in the math tutoring center. When Ben reluctantly offers to help Rey with her work, a relationship forms between them that neither are expecting.) Five Times That Ben Saved Rey's Valentine's Day & How She Forever Saved His by AnneAnna (AO3 2021 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben makes a confession in his wedding speech: He knew he was going to marry Rey when he and Rey were 4 years old and she gave him a Valentine she made and colored herself. And 21 years later, he still has that Valentine.) Newspaper Hearts by Celia_and (AO3 2021 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: “She made her Valentine’s cards. She tore hearts out of newspaper and glued them onto used envelopes and painstakingly wrote each child’s name. She probably spent days making them. And you know what she wrote on mine?” He doesn’t need to read it to know what it says, so he looks down at her instead, and the hand on her heart and the tears in her eyes. “Ben: You are OK. Rey.”) When the party ends by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2021 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey gets wasted at a frat party. Ben finds her, puts her in his room, where she's safe. Rey wakes in the morning after Ben comes out of the shower and nakedness ensues.) Fleeced by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: AU where Rey is a mechanic and Ben is her grumpy client. Ben is car shopping and asks her to pretend to be his girlfriend so the dealer won't screw him over.) My Sandwich by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Someone took Ben's turkey sandwich at work, he is infuriated and eager for revenge, until he finds out it was Rey then those feelings no longer exist.) Sleepyhead by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben, a mere himbo, tucks a stray hair behind Rey's ear in class. He knows he deserves the hot coffee in her hand to be thrown in his face and yet he gets a date. ) When You Know It by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben finds out his roommate Rey has never had someone to celebrate valentine's with, so he sends her 25 roses, one for every year she's been alone, in attempt to make her feel better.) Port in the storm by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey pretends to be afraid of thunderstorms so she has an excuse to sleep next to Ben. Ben figures it out when he races home early after seeing thunder, fearing Rey will be crying alone curled up in a ball, only to find her totally chill and eating ice cream.) Neighborly by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and her son move into a new apartment and meets her new neighbor Ben and his cute dog.) Tinder and Cinder by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey joins tinder after a long long dry spell due to her flatmate Kylo's derision, they argue about why and in a fit of jealousy Kylo screams out 'use me instead.') Traditions gotta start somewhere by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Christmas Tree vignettes of Rey and Ben over the course of their relationship.) All of my wishes came true with you by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2021 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Fantasy AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey works on a wishfarm for Plutt. One day after she's out of wishes, she catches the star of a man who wishes for an end to his loneliness. She pockets it and after a particularly rough day she grants it with herself.) Knot It by MotherofScavengers (AO3 2021 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Omega Rey’s heat starts early, the Alpha friend who agreed to assist her is nowhere to be found. When she unexpectedly meets Ben, the delicious smelling Alpha offers his help...and his knot.) It's You by SpaceWaffleHouse (AO3 2021 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben and Rey have been costars for years when the time comes for them to film their first kissing scene. Neither of them ever expected their soul marks to appear in the process.) Through the Years by castles_and_crowns (AO3 2018 Rated T Complete, 10 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo and Rey Jakkson meet on the playground as children under unusual circumstances and quickly become best friends. This fic follows them through the years, showing glimpses of their friendship as it slowly progresses into something more.) I Hate You by orphan_account (AO3 2018 Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben has been in love with Rey for two years and so when she storms into his office he finally decides he can't keep it in any longer.) In Small Packages by DyadamDriver (AO3 2018 Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: It was then that Ben realised three things. 1. He had never had a cat in his life. 2. He had no idea what these little things ate. 3. He had a crippling crush on his neighbour.) ignorance of etiquette by blessedreylo (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Regency AU, Quick Synopsis: Lady Rey Kenobi lives a life of pristine comfort and luxury on her family's estate in Chesire with her parents Lord Obi-Wan Kenobi and Lady Satine Kenobi. When they receive word that an old family friend, Lord Benjamin Solo, is coming to visit, Lady Rey is reminded of how he tormented her as a child. She decides that she will prove herself not the same girl she once was in more ways than one.) heaven in hiding by blessedreylo (AO3 2021 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: They say it's impossible for a guy and girl to be "just friends", but Rey and Ben had managed to discredit that throughout their decade long friendship. What they both have is special, that people would often arrive at the conclusion the two were made for each other. He's her safe haven, her rock. She gives him a sense of clarity and direction. Ben and Rey know each other more than anyone ever possibly could. Therefore on Valentine's Day, their friends decided to secretly set them up together on a blind dinner date.) a quiet storm by blessedreylo (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey gets off to Kylo Ren, a popular audio erotica account online. She hasn’t been on a date in so long until her friend Rose sets her up on a blind date with her boyfriend's coworker, Ben. They seem to be hitting it off and finding that they have a lot in common, but she can’t help but think that he sounds so...familiar.) key to the kingdom by blessedreylo (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 12 Chapters, Princess Diaries AU, Quick Synopsis: Most girls get a drunk weekend in Vegas for their 21st birthday, but Princess Rey Kenobi gets the chance to rule the country of Alderaan. But the only way she can become Queen is if she marries a man in 30 days, or the throne goes to the selfish (and annoyingly attractive) usurper Lord Benjamin Solo. Will Rey be able to ascend to the throne or will it all just become a royal pain in the ass?) fueled by fire by blessedreylo (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben annoys the hell out of Rey when he tries to write passive aggressive notes about where she leaves her stuff. Rey pisses Ben off by being loud and picking a fight whenever she wants. Being neighbors for the last five months has been interesting to say the least. Their little rivalry comes to a crescendo when their hate for each other turns into another kind of passion.) 1 April Fool by Maloreiy (AO3 2021 Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: "Honk! Act like you know me! My name is Ben!" Rey sees the sign on the car when she pulls up to the grocery store, and decides to play along. The giant, surly man, apparently named Ben, is not amused.) when I look to you by blessedreylo (AO3 2020 Rated M Complete, 7 Chapters, Harry Potter AU, Quick Synopsis: Best friends since Year Three, Gryffindor's Ben Solo and Rey Niima navigate their final year at Hogwarts. When exposed feelings and unrequited romance get in the way of their friendship, they wonder whether they'll survive the school year.) Dreaming of Hope by adamsackleriskyloren83 (AO3 2019 Rated M Complete, 2 Chapters, Canon AU, Quick Synopsis: Kylo Ren goes to bed one night only to awaken as Rebel Pilot Ben Solo. Discovering that not only is Rey his wife, but he is also the father of a toddler(s) son/daughter.) Talk Nerdy To Me by andabatae (AO3 2019 Rated E Complete, 7 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Grad student Rey is addicted to watching nature documentaries narrated by the mysterious Kylo Ren. In fact, listening to him recite animal facts is her favorite masturbation inspiration. One day, the poetry class she TAs for has a guest lecturer: Ben Solo, a large, cranky man with gorgeous hair, adorable glasses... and a very compelling voice.) Everything You Are by kereia (AO3 2019 Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Canon AU, Quick Synopsis: But the thing she loved most of all, the thing that she was downright addicted to, was the way Ben reacted whenever she touched him.) Eggplant Emoji by trasharama (AO3 2020 Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: A desperate Rey seeks refuge in Poe and Ben's spare bedroom. Ben didn't know she was a girl when he agreed to the roommate trial period--and now she won't stop sexting him? Climb aboard the Smutty McSmuttSmutt train!)

#reylo #reylo fanfic #rey #ben solo #kylo ren

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anti-porn-unicorn · 3 years

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I’m a girl (18 now) who got exposed/addicted to pornography at a really young age, and I wanted to share my specific story on this blog so that the platform can get it out there.

Under the cut is my full story, and it’s a little long winded, so if you don’t want to read the whole thing, I bolded in purple the general topic/idea of that section. Just look for whichever of those interests you and the section will be about that. The first and last paragraph are good for context and end goal, though.

Thank you.

I don't fully remember my first exposure to porn. I know I was in third grade (6-7 yrs old, I had skipped a grade). The reason I had wanted to share my story, in fact, is because I don't see many stories with circumstances similar to mine. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. 1. The person is a victim of CSA/grooming. 2. The person was at a generally pubescent age (~11-14). And/or 3. The person experienced porn as a quick disturbance. To be clear, these stories are as valid and important as mine, and I simply think more perspectives make evidence of the effects of porn more airtight. I've never been the victim of SA, harassment, or grooming, ever in my life. My story shows the effects of exclusively porn.

The first memory I can recall about this was actually the first time I got caught. I was 6 yrs old, and very into video games,so on this day, I was playing a 3D porn game on my crappy hand-me-down laptop. I kind of knew that what I was doing wasn't acceptable, so I was sitting in my room in the corner as far from my door as possible. My mom walked in so I just slammed the laptop shut because I wasn't that good at hiding things. My mom obviously asked what I was doing, and I tried to keep her from looking, but it was right there when she reopened it. This is where the battle of it begins.

From ages 6-14 I don't have a good timeline of events but a few pop out that exemplify the severity of the issue. These are very probably out of order.

I got an iPod Touch for Christmas (~6-7), and every night I would watch porn on it until they caught on. I literally still remember some names of the sites, most that don't even exist anymore. My parents have always been amazingly caring. I couldn't ask for more. During the earlier ages (~6-8) I was put with a child therapist for fear of a deeper issue. My parents started either taking technology away in the night and/or setting restrictions on the internet. Unfortunately, between my slight tech-savvy, and my crazed addiction at this point, this wasn't a solution.

The addiction got DEEP. It warped my brain. When I had no technology, I used everything I could find.

Whenever I had access to less restricted internet, I used it. Once I asked my older cousin to use her iPod and watched it on there.(she noticed and told my mom. I remember my mom had asked me "Is there anything you need to tell me?", and I knew what she meant, but I just said "nope!" and walked away. At one point my dad's work provided him with a Blackberry, and I asked him could I play one of the built in little games. Once I had it, I watched porn. (when I gave it back to him he pressed the "back" button, and I was caught.)

I used Youtube. This was when YouTube was way less moderated (back when the app was a little old timey TV). I learned I could look up "striptease" and "nip-slip" and other stuff like that, finding more soft-core videos that could suffice when the internet in general was locked down.

I straight-up found out ways to disable the restrictions. Once I found out my mom's PIN for the controls, I went and disabled them, but changed the PIN so it would look like they were still on, and so that she couldn’t access and re-enable them. (I made it 7399. Spells "sexy". My mind was a mess.)

My parents bought a book called "The Classical Tradition". I'm just learning now as I'm looking it up that it was a Harvard Reference Library book (probably why it was so damn thick) about ancient Greek and Roman culture. I didn't know that. I had realized that sprinkled throughout the book there were pages that were more glossy than the rest, which you could see from the sides of the pages (the book was HUGE). These were the photo paper, which had the classical paintings and sculptures. And because these had nudity (Think "The Birth of Venus" type) I would regularly flip through this book when I needed a "fix". Absurd.

My parents got me an American Girl book that was made to ease worries about the developmental years. The pages on breast development / the anatomy of the vagina were what I looked at the most. When my parents had gotten me the child therapist, there was the logical fear that I might have been molested. The therapist gave me a book where there was a page with two cartoon mice, a boy and a girl. They were wearing swimwear/underwear and the point of that was "anywhere the clothing is covering is somewhere that adults can't touch you without telling.” They might as well have been stick figures, there was NO detail. But since they were in ‘underwear’ I'd always look at that page a lot. Anything barely vaguely sexual.

During this part of my life, I got no real pleasure out of this, I was just obsessed. For the first year I even watched it on mute out of fear of being caught. The lowest point during this period was when I very unfortunately filmed a video of me touching myself. I got nothing out of it and had no intent on ever sending or posting it. I was just emulating what I had been seeing. I deleted it the next day. I was 9 then.

From puberty until now (11-18) is when my sexuality was shaped by it. The addiction was far more controllable, I could spend a couple weeks to a couple months without it, but I'd always come back. Because it was now tied to my body. And while my need for it to be constant was gone, now I had to deal with the tolerance issue.

Over time what I watched became more and more depraved. I had the personal preference of hating anything amateur, because of the low quality, so I managed to avoid anything obviously non-consensual or involving visibly underaged girls, but that doesn't really mean much with the stuff the studios were putting out. During the middle points it got REALLY violent and disturbing. Bordering on torture (extreme kink) and even bodily deformation. As a young woman, I couldn't really tolerate any of the role based Kinks (father-daughter, babysitter, schoolgirl), so more extreme for me meant more extreme acts. Just absolute destruction of women's bodies for the purposes of sex. I moved away from that when tumblr banned porn and I started using reddit for it, and also during that time I was realizing how fucked up of an addiction that this was, even before I found feminism/anti-porn. I actively started trying to quit it, for good. But I always went back.

One big effect is heavy confusion with my sexual orientation. A lot of people face this, but the addition of porn for me really throws things off. Like: Am I bi, and a form of comphet/denial/inexperience keeps me from seeing women in a romantic way? Is it a mix of that and porn? (relatively likely) Or am I just straight, and the porn has completley shaped my mind (likely). 90% of the time I watched solo female content or lesbian content, and could only stand to watch certain specific forms if it included men at all. In real life I find a fair amount of men attractive but their bodies in a sexual sense are tolerable at best, but usually cringe inducing. l've never been attracted to a woman romantically, but exclusively women's bodies are sexual to me. It feels like everything in my brain that I would have been able to use in order to figure myself out has been permanently overwritten with incorrect information. Because of porn.

I've still got it bad. Every once in a while, I’ll read something vaguely sexual, or see a woman in a risque photo, and then the seed is planted. I'll always say "I'm not going to do it, I always feel disgusting after, it’s not even really enjoyable at this point, I can do better than this”. I always give in the end of the night. I'm 7 days off of it. I've been on this earth for 18 years. 12 of those years I've been cripplingly addicted to pornography. Two thirds of my life, and for as long as I can remember. I can never undo it. Just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic, only able to achieve remission, I will always be a porn addict. I have to be careful. But I have to hope for the future. And with finding the community that is speaking the truth about this, I'm heartened to do better. To no longer be held down by an addiction to consuming my own oppression.

#thank you for sharing #you’re not alone in this #I’m glad you escaped the addiction!#submission

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