#i only cried out of stress

[rowenabean]

.

#just saw a post that was like 'if you have religious or moral objections that stop you from providing certain types of medical care maybe #you shouldn't work in healthcare' (paraphrased) and... #what a way to look at the world tbh #like. they're talking about me i think - i am a conscientious objector when it comes to euthanasia #(which granted has come up exactly twice and both cases in a theoretical capacity only this is not a frequent request to me) #and... i am also a good doctor #last week i told someone that her weight doesn't matter to her health with receipts to prove it and she cried #no one had ever told her that before #and that was something that came from me specifically. that was something i would not trust all of the GPs in my practice - a practice of #excellent and compassionate GPs! - to say #i am verifiably doing good in my job that is coming from specifically who i am as a person #i cannot put that down when it comes to issues i care deeply about #fundamentally the fact that i cannot put it down is what makes me a good doctor #i think that's what i'm trying to get at #the reason that i do well by my patients is that i practice out of my values and my ethics #if i did not stand on that core i would not stand at all #so you can't have it both ways. you can't have engaged and active and compassionate healthcare providers without sometimes those engaged an #active providers having things they do not feel comfortable doing #and it is to everyone's service if they are up front about it and do not try to hide (i am suspicious of people who try to hide this) #i am literally figuring this all out as i type hence the v long tag ramble and also being nowhere near the post that started this train #(honestly in med school we talked so much about ethics as like. abortion! euthanasia! trans rights! and the ethics in practice is the littl #things. do you apologise when you mess up. how do you manage a consult with your patient with paranoid dementia and her child in the same #room at one time - or one by one bc that's fraught too. (that one's on top i had one of those today.) how do you act with grace when #you're a bit stressed and your patient is a bit stressed and the nurse wants to add five more things to your book. the day to day ethics is #SUCH a bigger thing when you come to actual practice.) #this is obviously entirely about me and leans on the fact that i largely do think i am doing a good job i am really feeling my own way #to a Thought. but i think to a certain extent it is generalisable

[batz]

.

#frank.txt #also shit is FUCKED rn . im so STRESSED #my landlord had a landlord moment so we're moving. also this place is getting unbearable #we live near freedom convoy folks and ive been called all sorts of slurs just trying to walk to 7/11 so . idk #maybe the next place will at least have homophobes that aren't as shouty and angry n shit bc GOD. GOD #that one guy that followed me halfway home just yelling slurs like yeah maybe moving out is a blessing in disguise #also this house haa no insulation which is awful in summer and winter #the next place we're going to is more expensive unfortunately but like. its insulated. doesnt have squirrels in the attic. or asbestos. #so uhm yayyy #its in a very secluded farmland area. tbh maybe thats what i need rn bc my physical and mental health arent super sturdy rn #physically feeling a bit bettr tho! just having bubble baths about it <3 #i only post now on my priv twit @dykefiend rn #once things are settled ill go back to posting art . #bc i RLLY want to draw my own stuff soon i just gotta work on commissions wnd then start PACKING #genuinely almost cried last night thinking abt how i'll probably be able to see stars at night again #its the outskirts of the city in a rural area. super rundown broken down house but gorgeous yard. all u can hear is wind ans birds #no sirens or yelling or cars!

[malleleothreesome]

i wish i could have a silly little day on tumblr but I have to read my 80 page HOA document to see if the boomer condominium overlords will ALLOW me to get my new dishwasher (that i bought on black friday like a true, miserable adult marching towards death) DELIVERED AND INSTALLED on the 23rd as expected or if I have to cancel the delivery because there are too many rules for me to abide by and my soul is simply too tired to jump through the necessary hoops to comply.

#i cannot stress enough do not buy a home with an HOA #i have a condo in LA so it was unavoidable but if you can avoid it by all means please save yourself #they wont even let me change my fucking BLINDS because the windows belong to the outside word I guess and not to me #guys i am an idiot and i only skimmed the HOA docs while i was buying the home #because i thought the only relevant thing to me was the pet policy #when i found out a few weeks after i moved in about just how many rules there were I cried my eyes out #the worst is there is always some elderly woman with nothing better to do than be the HOA police #speaking of dishwashers have you noticed they all fuckign SUCK im hoping this one i bought doesn't suck #my last word of advice is that word on the street is to NEVER buy a samsung refrigerator #i mean its hard tho cause they look so cool....u know....... #they come in so many colors.....................like pink #.................its so.................................tempting............................. #but apparently they break and theyre like impossible to fix and its like a horrible waste of money......... #but i cant help but be like.......................but what if that DOESNT happen to me????????????? #like what if samsung got their shit together and i can just have a really cool pink refrigerator #guys im fucking rambling because im procrastinating reading the HOA doc lord HELP me

[covenofthearticulate]

Lestat really said Crybaby Rights and that is something that I took personally

#i already cried for 3 hours last night due to ~stress~ from my job + other serious Life Stuff #and then today i have been getting angry phone calls ALL MORNING from fucking Karens #yelling at me for shit that is not my fault At All #i hate hate hate confrontation oh my god lmfao #rich white ladies who send their kids to Musical Theatre Summer Camp are a different breed of monster #ANYWAY i just cried in front of 3 of my co-workers and boss and it was super embarrassing #so the only consolation i’m taking is that lestat is a crybaby too lmfao #catch me out here WEEPING

[onedirecton]

last night was the first night in about week where I had absolutely peace so I hope it continues 💗🫶

#ladies I have been absolutely miserable this past week because my new neighbors have been causing so many problems and they have only been #here a week #it’s been so stressful to navigate and it got bad to the point where I couldn’t even be comfortable in my own home and space . I genuinely #don’t understand how you can be so inconsiderate of other people. #something else happened yesterday and my landlord ask spoke to them and I just really hope the issues don’t continue #like I was not handling any of this well at all. literally cried every day since Monday to yesterday because of the stress #and I haven’t been eating. it’s just awful when you have no where to go . #there’s another issue on my mind in regards to them and I’m trying not to make myself sick over it and just react accordingly to when I #find out more because right now it’s just the what ifs in my brain that are not facts yet #anyway I’m ready for this lease to end in the summer lol #I am appreciative of my landlord talking to them but I do not want these issues to continue :( #one day at a time!! #my job is another thing altogether skdjsjjd but literally whatever que sera que sera

[twistedappletree]

.

#apple babble 🍎 #non fandom #i need life to give me a fucking break fr like????? #almost immediately after i finally crawled out of a major depressive episode #infected fucking dog bite from some asshole’s unleashed dog #major tooth abscess that literally has my entire left side of my face and head and neck throbbing with pain #can’t afford to get the damn thing pulled until a few more days #so my body is fighting 2 major infections rn and my heart rate is at a constant 100-115 #can’t think straight can’t focus on anything #couldn’t walk priya today bc of how shitty i feel #had an EXTREMELY stressful anxiety ridden day with my client today which didn’t help anything #my work days have been so fucking long that i don’t have time to take care of my medical stuff before everything closes #i had to race to get my antibiotics WHILE i was working bc i knew i wouldn’t get there in time after work #bc my fucking client kept adding shit for me to do last minute #then was like ‘oh btw you only have an hour to make these 10 fucking stops bc my appt is soon’ #give me a fucking break liKE COME THE FUCK ON #IM SO MAD AND ANNOYED #i didn’t even walk the dogs this morning #i just too them to a secluded place off the trail and fucking cried for an hour #i really hate things rn like i really hate how difficult and fucking expensive it is to stay alive #i fucking HATE IT #delete later #i guess idfk whatever

[arthur-kingsmen]

its like. weirdly eye opening being Out of that relationship. like i realized for the past three years ive put 100% of my energy into being A Good Girlfriend. i’d automatically tense up when he got home from work bc i knew id have to be his therapist for several hours while he yelled about how much he hated work/his mom/his friends until he got high enough to sleep. every day.

and he never asked how my day was when he came home. he never gave me a hug or kiss when he walked in the door, unless i asked him to (sometimes repeatedly). and im realizing. i deserve someone who wants to know how my day is. who will give me a kiss even if work put them in a bad mood. someone who will not direct all their anger at me in the name of venting.

im not a therapist anymore. im not ~the cool girlfriend~ and im surrounding myself with people who genuinely care about how my day went. and its SO fucking nice

#its honestly wild how less stressed i am being at my familys place #and like. dont get me wrong he was never abusive and i knew he wasnt mad at ME #he was mad at everything else. but i was the only one he could vent to. and at first i didnt mind! #but when its every. goddamn. day. that he was pissed about stuff and had to tell me about. then its exhausting #i told him all of this when we broke up too. he looked kinda horrified. i told him ive been walking on eggshells for three years #he cried. said he didnt know i felt that way. i genuinely dont think any of this was out of malice #but it still hurt me and its good to move forward #personal

[majikz]

🫠

#grant writing is stressful but almost too stressful and I dont know what to do #it’s only been a month and I’m like … can I do this? not so much the act of getting it done but #I dont know I just want to cry 😭 and have cried 😂 and don’t know what to do #part of me wants to use my brain power and efforts with other things #staring at wordy fucking prompts on a screen and trying to figure out how to answer them is making my brain hurt. #personal #daily feels #I wanted to have this started and close to done last week but humans were busy and now it’s due tomorrow and I just wanna close my computer

[thistransient]

google photos gave me one of those "remember this day" things and it turns out I took the same photo 6 years and a couple weeks apart (↑ 2022 ↓ 2016)

#I'm awake at a rude hour cause I'm stressed about tomorrow #but this photo is somehow reassuring #life moves in spirals #i read to one of my friends his letter from the series i was working on and he cried #the only way out is through #i want to go back to sleep but now I'm hungry goddammit #I've also had a weird quasi migraine thing since Tuesday #come on body we can do it

[hopecomesbacktolife]

can’t tell if I’ve posted something like this before but

the inherent fantasy and yearning for a Star Trek future when you’re someone who’s chronically ill and dealing with a particularly bad flare — something about the fantasy of being beamed into a starfleet medbay, given a hypospray, and feeling all the pain, discomfort, soreness, and all other flare symptoms melt away as futuristic utopian medicine makes you healthy again, maybe even getting rid of the chronic illness altogether, and being comforted by a softspoken doctor who will hold your hand and stay beside you until even the lingering exhaustion fades

*yearns*

#star trek #i am so tired you guys. #pain and soreness and spending half the night in the bathroom I am so exhausted #i literally long for this so much #i want a starfleet doctor to get rid of my chronic illness and help me feel better #imagine a life where sitting at a desk. eating food. etc does not feel like colossal hurdles where you’re absolutely exhausted… what even #i’m just. so tired #*yearns in trek* #personal #the thing about fluctuating chronic illnesses too is that some days you’re passably ‘normal person’ and then other days it’s like #literally sitting at your desk and eating one (1) light meal is a stress inducing exhausting ordeal and I just. some people really are out #there living life and not dealing with this? wild. what is that like. #also the inherent fantasy of a post scarcity society where when you’re dealing with a flare you can just. y’know. not need fo work that day #if only 🥲🥲 #don’t mind my rambles I am just in pain and tired and sore and trying to work through the power of ginger tea and fantasizing about trek #cries #where is cmo dr julian bashir when you need him

[yunogf]

.

#been sitting in my car for 30 min after clocking out then just making up errands to have an excuse to do smth #so i dont have to go home &be alone until i have smth to do again (go to work the next morning) :((((( #hate how u can go a whole day w out seeing someone &think ok maybe i can get a good nights sleep but then they show up #10 min before u leave for the day &then ur night is ruined bc u have trouble falling asleep #then have stress dreams when u do finally fall asleep #😞😞 #ik its bc i havent confronted anything but i dont see myself ever doing it or rather initiating the confrontation bc idt it's my place #like what right do i have to disrupt what someone else has going to bring myself some ease #idk this probably doesnt make any sense i just need to vent bc i have cried in my car everyday after work for a month 😭 #im ok ive just landed myself in a particularly shitty situation but only for me #everyone else is fine 🫠 #&im a chronic overthinker so i have all these thoughts just swirling around &festering #im driving myself insane &then whenever im around.....the other ppl in this situation.....theres never a chance to let any of it out #im gonna explode at some point i know it &i dont want that to happen bc i dont want to be mean :(( but i also dont want to grow to resent #anyone bc this shit hasnt been properly dealt with :((((( #ugh . #changing of the weather isnt helping i feel like im 16 again in my dark bedroom driving myself insane 😭😭

[bisexualrapline]

i know this is weird of me but really wishing i lived in the middle of nowhere rn

#for many reasons but mainly because it stresses me out so much to know that getting tix to see him is only barely in my control #like. it’s really stressful for me it hurts my heart when that stuff doesn’t work out #i don’t know if y’all know how hard i cried literally for HOURS maybe even days after i didn’t get tix to ptdla #and i saw them in vegas after and it was amazing but like. the idea of not getting the chance #just really stresses me out #okay anyway bye idk i’m so tired and stressed but i love him so much #.txt

[baeshijima]

gn today is such a bad day and its not even 11 am

#sophie’s idle chatter #long rant abt my great morning -> #stayed up until 2 am writing my project that still isnt even done (500 wc out of the 2000 wc) but had to give in the hard copy today #then i was like ‘well i can take a nap and wake up at 4 am to do some more!’ #woke up at 4 am. had an existential crisis. cried. went back to sleep #then i slept through my morning alarm and banged my head on my desk when i tried to turn the plug off #couldnt eat breakfast and cried like… 3 times to the train station #basically no one handed their project in bc none of us finished and he was v passive aggressive (disappointed aha) #and only me and four others actually turned smth in #and while we were doing our eng lang test (diversity in women and mens language) he kept sighing while going through our hard copies #anyway im now on the train home with a massive headache and the want for the world to swallow me whole #and i have biology later. where i havent done the hw bc ive been stressing over this projects 2nd draft. #…… #anywho lemsip my bestie im coming soon hahahshsb #and 3.5 update ;w; #probably delete later. idk. ughfhdjs

[curiosity-killed]

I find it a little funny (in a bleak way) that I have cried more at my current job than my last when my last job was determined to be a “toxic and hostile work environment” through formal investigation

#tbf i have only cried twice #but in both cases it was full on bawling at 3-5 PM on a Friday #and like. I don’t cry easily #I was stressed out of my skin at my last job frequently #and I did not once cry about it in the course of almost 2 yr #I’ve been at my new job 3 mo #personal #anyway I feel much much much better #after talking to my sis about it and dancing #but like #damn

[nelu-chan]

I need to cry. I was just hit with a ton of bricks to the face by the past. Can someone please pass me the acetone, chloroform and a base? I need to fucking explode.

#the persistent reason number one is stress #that is normal I can deal with that #reason number 2 is I am grieving the loss of my mentor #he died in June #I have now time to grief #his absence was overwhelming when I wrote my applications #I cried my eyes out three times #however reason number three #the one to spark this depressive period rn #my mathematics teacher from school just texted me #fyi we were friends #well I absolutely loved him but that doesnt matter #(I guess this is a lie) #thing is I broke off contact because I felt like I was the only one initiating our friendship #but he is the only reason I ever wanted to be good at something #I totally blame him for my praise kink #and I miss him #I miss his classes and I miss him telling me that I did well #nobody ever acknowledged my achievements #I was in the shadows and I was happy there and nobody ever said I did good #and he just praised me #every goddamn time #for my gradesin all classes #for my curiosity which I learned to hide very well because people dont like that generally #for the music I would write #for the poems #I think it is only natural I fell in love #he is one of the people I wanted to be adopted by #and I thought he forgot about me he has a family now #but he didnt and this is freaking me the fuck out how can i even reply without being a total creep aaaaaaaaah

[gideonisms]

thought about working a job again 20 dead 40 injured

#thought about existing in the world again 20 dead etc #would love to get to the point where thinking about having to live my life instead of sitting in my apartment doesn't make me cry! #eventually my savings from 2 years of the soul killing job + living with my aunt will run out #not like. right now or even within the next few months bc. i worked so hard to save all of that bc i knew i was about to crash again #but eventually #like. when i got that job i did have to come home and cry a lot until i adjusted and then i only cried sometimes #it got to where i would have my 2-3 predictable breakdowns a month pause everything to have the breakdown #call in or skip class or whatever #and then recover faster #but the fact is i was still having like screaming in my car breakdowns a couple times a month #i was just like waiting for a private location #if i think about continuing to do that forever i really want to throw up #you can never explain why sometimes you have to isolate yourself completely for a bit either! #what are you even supposed to say #i got really good at being like oh i'm just tired from work need a nap! #but then people could tell i wasn't doing anything but going to work and coming home and getting in bed #idk how i passed those classes #i mean i didn't pass all of them #most #it's just like life is so stressful and you can't even explain why and people's advice is stop getting overwhelmed #i would also like to stop!! #or they'll be like just find a less stressful job! where?? i've tried