#i only made these cos someone wrote in the tags of my old one they wanted more
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Shoot Your Shot, Cupid
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader
Word Count: 3,770
Warnings: mature language, unbeata'd, soft Bucky, lets assume Sam set him up for this one, female coded reader, happy ending because we all deserve it, TIME SKIIIIIP, best friend with good intentions that shows up for one job and then disappears, speed dating, one obnoxious man, all the soft feelings.
Hello Kittens, and Happy Valentine's Day. It's been a while since I wrote... well anything and I was working on this for a couple of months but I think it's come all together now. Hope you enjoy it!
This couldn’t get much worse.
Tricked by your best friend.
Nay, betrayed.
By someone you implicitly trusted.
There would be no forgiving this.
Never, not ever.
The dinner and drinks invitation a few days before the start of February was met with trepidation on your part. All Christmas season you’d feigned interest as Mellony, your best friend, thrust every single co-worker, neighbor, and wait staff at you to find you someone to share the holiday with.
You couldn’t blame her. After all, Mellony was blissfully happy with her fiancée and only wanted the same for you.
All that you could forgive.
But this?
This was a complete and utter betrayal.
A deep and unimpressed frown marred your face as Mellony took the sticky name tag off the table with her perfectly manicured nails. Peeling the back with an ear-to-ear grin and pressed it against your chest. “There,” she exclaimed with joy, lacing her fingers together. “Now you’re all set.”
Looking down at the beautifully scrawled letters framed by little hearts you couldn’t help but curl your lip and whine, “Mel, you promised.”
The blond snorted and rolled her enormous puppy dog eyes, “I never promised anything.” Looping her arm through yours she practically began to drag you through the convention center doors and past the sign that sealed your fate.
Cupids Bow Speed Dating Event.
“Yes, you did,” you reaffirmed. Glancing around the room packed full of men and women in a combination of sweaters, suits, and cocktail dresses. “You promised not to try and set me up with anyone again.”
“This is my speed dating event. It doesn’t count.”
“I can assure you it does.”
“Nooooo,” she practically sang, turning around on her heel with that adorable mischievous smile of hers. “I promised that I wouldn’t set you up with anyone I knew. Everyone here was vetted by my team. I don't know any of these people.”
Grumbling she began tugging you towards the stage as intro music began to play softly from the DJ booth. Mellony paused, gripping your hand tight and looking down at you as the DJ introduced her, “Please, stay? I just want you to find someone.”
“Mel,” you hissed with disapproval. “I don’t need to find someone.”
Whether or not she heard you was unclear as the music swelled and Mellony put on her famous razzle dazzle smile and waved at everyone as she took the microphone and the presentation began. Your eyes swung to the crowd of people, more than three dozen people silhouetted against the stage lights and it made you shiver.
This was going to be a disaster.
Twenty minutes later your mind was glazed over with the audacity of men.
With every new ding of the bell, you found yourself becoming more annoyed. The match-making event progressed easily. People were divided into groups based on results from a questionnaire, something you distinctly remember Mel presenting to you as a fun Cosmo quiz, while one group remained seated the others rotated around the room.
By some stroke of luck, you were one of the people destined to sit. But that also meant that total strangers would be coming to your table to chat with you.
In all your years of singledom, you’d thought you’d heard it all. Too fat. Too loud. Too smart. Too opinionated. Those were old hat by now, and you weren’t immune to the bitter words from unimportant people.
“I suppose you’re an attractive woman,” the suit across from you said thoughtfully. His eyes never met yours, instead looking around the room likely for the next victim of his charm. “But I’m not really into your hair color. How would you feel about dying it?”
The question hung in the air as you waited for the man to look back at you. When his beady eyes returned to your face you couldn’t hide the disbelief, waving your hand in the air with an icy finality, “Absolutely not. You can go.”
He didn’t wait. Standing so quickly the chair scraped against the floor as he haughtily walked towards the bar. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you pulled out your phone and began to scroll social media waiting for the next bell in fifteen minutes.
Not the wildest thing you’d ever heard, but the gall of some people astounded even you sometimes. This also wasn’t the first event you’d been to that Mel had put on, you’d come to one or two as she’d begun her match-making service so you knew the ins and outs pretty well. But getting the same questions over and over was getting old fast.
What do you do for a living?
Where are you from?
What’s your family like?
What’s your perfect date idea?
BOR-ING!
Just once you’d like someone to ask you a real question, something thoughtful instead of the surface questions you’d find on social media.
You couldn’t believe you wore your favorite dress for this nonsense.
The bell dinged once again and the shadow of a new man sat in front of you.
“Hi.”
“Hello,” you said not looking up from the device in your hand.
“Come here often?”
“To a dating event? No,” the words were flowing out of your mouth easily. Canned responses for canned questions.
There was a heavy pause, “You seem bored.”
“That’s because I am.”
A muted scoff came from the other side of the table, “What would make it more interesting then?”
A long sigh escaped you as you continued scrolling on your phone, “If someone would ask me a question of substance, maybe I would give them a chance for conversation.”
Again a long stretching silence from the other side and you had to resist rolling your eyes.
“Alright,” he rumbled, leaning back against his chair. “Then what’s one gift you always wish you’d gotten, but never did?”
That had your thumb pausing on the endless scrolling you were doing. Finally, your gaze flicked up and your brain stopped working for a brief moment as you took in the disgustingly attractive man sitting your opposite.
Coffee color hair, and a chiseled jaw dotted with a five o’clock shadow would be enough to make even the most choosy of a woman’s breath catch. He was wearing a bulky leather jacket in a building that was pushing 80 degrees, which was odd but not overly strange.
But oddly enough you felt yourself getting drawn in. Not by his cheekbones, the cut of his jaw, the dimple in his chin, or even the semi-scowl he wore.
No, it was his eyes. Bright blue soulful eyes, that sparkled a little as he sat across the table from you. Eyes that told a story all their own and drew you out of your scrolling for the first time that night.
Pursing your lips slightly you thought, “Hmm, I’d have to say it’s a puppy.”
His eyebrow arched slightly, clearly surprised by your answer, “A puppy?”
“Sure,” you said with a slight shrug. “A puppy is something I’ve always wanted but never gotten as a gift from anyone other than myself.”
“What kind of puppy?”
“Oh I don’t have a preferred breed,” you informed, tilting your head a little at the odd conversation. “But as a child, it was what I asked for every year as a present. But I never got one.”
His lips turned up in a half smile and you thought you were going to melt in your seat, “Asking for one every year and not getting one, sounds a little disappointing. Was that just a Christmas thing?”
“Nah,” you laughed a little, fingers picking at a little piece of lint on the edge of your dress. “Christmas, birthdays, Easter didn’t matter. If gifts were being given, it was at the top of my list. Every year I’d be running to the tree and picking up presents, looking for one big enough. It’s a running joke with my friends that I’d marry the first man to give me a puppy for Christmas.”
A brisk laugh escaped him, his lips pulled into a charming smile that had nervous butterflies leap up in your chest. “A puppy for Christmas,” he rumbled thoughtfully. “I’ll have to remember that.”
The response made goosebumps prickle along your skin and you held back a shiver, wetting your suddenly dry lips, “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“What’s a gift you always wanted but didn’t get,” you paused briefly a coy smile stretching your lips.
His smile turned into a smirk as he once again leaned back in his chair, blue eyes darting back and forth over your face as he thought about it. It was going well, your impish smile growing along with his own. That is until his smile began to fall, bright blue gaze darting a little more frantically over your face before he licked his lips and an unexpected tremor sounded in his voice, “I think, I think it was a sled.”
“A sled,” you asked, leaning forward a little in intrigue. “Like a big plastic one with the handles? Oh no, I got it you’re definitely an inflatable snow tube kind of guy.”
A balk of laughter sounded from him, making hidden laugh lines appear at the corner of his eyes as they brightened with your playful banter. “Nah,” he exclaimed, waving a hand. “More like a wood and metal one. It had bright red skis and a wooden seat top. That sled was all I wanted as a kid.”
An amused giggle slipped from you, “I had a wagon kind of like that as a kid, it was a radio flyer.”
His fingers snapped as he pointed at you with a little bit of excitement, “That’s it! A Radio Flyer sled, with a rope handle and foot steering bar. Though I don’t think I’d ever get one now. I’m a little too old to go sledding down a hill.”
“Age is all about perspective.”
He snorted, “Tell that to my driver's license.”
Genuine laughter bubbled up from inside of you as you leaned forward in your seat, a teasing retort on your lips. Before you could speak, Mellony rang her little handbell and people began to switch places again. But your blue-eyed stranger lingered at your table.
“Talk to you again?”
He sounded, hopeful. “Yeah,” you croaked out pathetically. “Talk to you again.”
You watched as he stood from your table and made his way across the room to his next table while another man took his place at your own. A feeling of disappointment swelled as you lost sight of him in the crowd of people, the feeling intensifying as this new man briefly introduced themselves before launching into a long Tinder-level introduction.
Two more men sat at your table, barely holding your interest outside of normal pleasantries before Mel rang her handbell in rapid succession. “Alright everyone that’s the first round,” she called from her place at the podium. “We’re going to break for thirty minutes. There are hors d'oeuvres and refreshments at the bar. Please feel free to mingle!”
The room of people began to stand and mill around as an uproar of chatter began. Your eyes picked out a couple of men from your group, pairing up with others and heading to the bar. Cordial smiles turned into pleasant touches and sweetheart eyes as they went.
The Cupids Bow Dating Event was a success and you couldn’t help but feel the swell of pride for your friend.
“Hey, Sourpuss,” Melody greeted, looping her arm through yours. “You having fun yet?”
Your mind drifted back to your blue-eyed stranger, “A little.”
“Well, I don’t know if you know this. But the point of speed dating is to, you know, find a date. I was watching you, and you gotta talk to more than one person,” she sassed.
Your mouth turned down to a frown for a brief moment, “I talked to someone.”
“Oh yeah? What was his name.”
Your mouth opened and closed a couple of times as you realized quickly you’d never even got Mr. Blue-Eyes name, “Shit.”
“What?”
“I didn’t even get Mr. Blue-Eyes name!”
“It’s Bucky.”
Turning around there stood Mr. Blue-Eyes himself, err… you meant Bucky. There was no doubt your embarrassment showed on your face, but the little nervous laugh that slipped out sealed the deal.
Bucky smiled at you, “That is if it’s me you were talking about?”
Wetting your lips you shifted, suddenly nervous before meeting friendly blue eyes, “Yeah,” you squeaked before clearing your throat. “I mean, yes. I’m sorry I missed your name when we talked.”
He was nodding for a brief moment, his eyes darting over towards the bar before taking a few steps closer to you and leaning down. “There’s a restaurant down the street. They’ve got pretty good sushi. You want to get the hell out of here?”
“Oh, my god yes!” The tips of your ears felt hot as you wished the ground would open up and swallow you whole but Bucky didn’t seem to notice your embarrassment. Instead, he offered up his right arm and you looped yours into it without hesitation.
Melody’s brow shot up out of surprise, “B-but that was only the first round! There are still two more.”
“I don’t think we need a round two,” Bucky said, the same charming smile pulling at the corner of his mouth and making his eyes crinkle.
“Yeah,” you laughed, in a teasing tone. “This round just might go to Cupid after all.”
Three years later.
Lights twinkled in the living room of your apartment, it was god awful early and you’d carefully planned today. Christmas day and you’d been waiting for this moment for two years now. Quickly and quietly you snuck out of the bedroom where Bucky lay wrapped up in the blankets and made your way to the front closet.
It was hard being sneaky when your boyfriend was a super spy. But after a lot of careful planning, misdirections, and a lot of help from Sam, you’d managed to do it and Bucky was none the wiser.
Tiptoeing towards the hall closet that Bucky never used you opened the squeaky hinged door in just the way so it made no noise. Reaching blindly into the black of the closet you felt around, past the dozen unused coats, jackets, scarves, and hats your hand met the back of the closet wall. Sliding quietly until your fingers brushed the cold metal you were looking for.
Jackpot.
Fingers wrapped around your prize as you gave a firm but gentle tug. A pristine, adult-sized, bright red and creamy wood seat Flex Flyer sled emerged complete with an enormous red bow.
Stifling a giggle you set it down.
“What are you doing?”
A shriek tore out of your throat as you jumped what felt like twenty feet in the air.
“James Barnes,” you scolded, heart beating a million miles an hour. “What have I said about sneaking up on me?”
“You were being sneaky first,” he said, brows drawn together as he tried to look around you. “What you hiding doll face?”
“Nothing!” You lied, spreading your arms and legs to hide your surprise gift.
It was at that moment you heard the vibration from Bucky’s phone clutched in his hand, the man tried to not look sheepish as he not so covertly pressed the silence button.
Suspicion immediately filled you, “Bucky? What are you doing?”
“What are you doing?” He shot back, his brow knits in suspicion.
It was a standoff.
The two of you staring each other down in the dark of the hallway in your matching Christmas pajamas. Someone knocking on the front door startled you both before Bucky cursed under his breath, pointing at you, “Don’t follow me.”
His instruction surprised you as he brushed past you in the small hallway. You scoffed under your breath, “You’re in your PJ’s Buck, how far are you going?”
Bucky paused before going around the corner, “I mean it.” There was another soft but hurried knock and he cursed before disappearing.
A tisk of disapproval escaped you, but urgency filled your movements the second he was out of sight. Hands shaking slightly you hurried, pulling the sled out from the closet with as much silence as you could muster before dashing the Christmas tree. Stuffing the sled behind the tree, a few bulbs swinging back and forth as you fumbled to fluff the crumpled bow on Bucky’s surprise.
A cacophony of hushed grumbles and whispers came from the front door, you could have sworn you heard Sam as the door closed with a thunk and the lock turned. In a matter of seconds Bucky was coming around the corner again, an enormous gold box gripped in his hands affixed with a brilliant glittering green bow.
It was clear that Bucky didn’t see you immediately as he juggled the wobbly box and tried to remain quiet as he did so.
“Whatcha, got there?”
Bucky startled, socked feet skidding to a halt just at the corner of the couch as the box wobbled in his hands again. Frustrated and accusatory blue eyes narrowed, “What are you doing in here?” He asked in a hushed whisper.
“What are you doing in here?”
“You better not be shaking presents.”
“Please,” you scoffed. “I’ll have you know I haven’t shaken a present since I was ten. What’s in the box, Jamie?”
Bucky flinched a little, his one weakness was when you called him Jamie. His shoulders sagged a little as his grip on the box tightened, “This was supposed to be a surprise.”
“Oh I’m surprised,” you said with a laugh. The mantle clock began to ding for the early morning hour. Five AM came so early now. “Do you want to open our gifts now?”
Bucky pursed his lips, body jerking as the box tried to throw itself from his hands. “I think now is best.”
Butterflies fluttered in your stomach at the prospect of what the box could contain. But your eyes flitted over to the space behind the tree where you’d stuffed Bucky’s surprise and the anxious feeling grew tenfold as you thought about the question you were going to ask him once he’d seen it.
Clearing his throat Bucky nodded towards the Christmas tree and the traditional present opening space. Dutifully you sat down in the chair, eyes darting over behind the tree to where your gift sat. “Um, mine's not wrapped.”
“That’s alright,” he said, setting the box at your feet as it rattled all on its own now that it was on the floor. “Where is mine and we’ll do them on the count of three.”
“Alright,” you agreed, fingers tapping the edges of your box. “Yours is behind the tree.”
You saw his eyes dart over to the tree and then back down to you, “On three.”
“Alright,” you agreed, fingers poised to rip at the bow on top of the gift. “One.”
“Two,” Bucky echoed, taking a step closer to the tree.
“Three!”
Your fingers began tearing at the bow on top of the gift box as it rattled against the floor. Pushing back the loose gold paper and terrible tape job before, POP!
Two of the most adorable brown eyes you’d ever seen stared up at you. You were stunned for a moment, staring down at the cutest little paws and wet nose you’d ever laid your eyes on.
“OHMYGODAPUPPY!!”
The shrieking sob spilled past your lips as you pulled the squirming pup into your arms, its tiny tongue licking and sniffing all over your face and mouth. Tears spilled from your eyes as the little bundle in your arms wiggled, squirmed, and kissed your face everywhere; its bottom wiggling so much they tumbled out of your arms and into your lap.
“Oh my god,” you blubbered, holding the precious little one to you. “Bucky! He’s so cute. Oh, it’s a she. She’s so cute, James. Oh god! Oh my god, I love her so much. I can't—I can’t believe this! This is real right? Do I get to keep her? Bucky?”
Looking up Bucky was angled away from you, the lights of the Christmas tree gleaming off of his arm as he held onto his new sled. His fingers found the tag as he stared at it in the dim lighting.
He sniffled briefly before he began to read, “Roses are red, violets are blue, do me the—the honor—the honor of spending my life with you?”
Teary blue eyes turned towards you as you held the squirming puppy in your arms. “Doll,” he squeaked out with a sniffle as a few tears began to slip. “You…”
Looking up at him from your seat you reached into the side table drawer pulled out a distinctive black ring box and opened it. Inside, a single simple gold band that had Bucky’s breath catching.
“Will you,” you croaked out, clearing your throat a little more and juggling your new bundle of joy in your arms. “Will you marry me, James Buchanan Barns?”
A laugh escaped Bucky as he lowered the sled to the floor, and then himself. Bucky knelt before you, down on one knee, and reached forward towards the little puppy squirming in your arms. His fingers brushed against a tiny piece of string attached to the bow, you’d missed it but he lifted the dangling object for your inspection. A beautiful golden ring with what had to be the most enormous diamond you’d ever seen.
Your shocked watery gaze met Bucky’s impossibly blue eyes, “Only if you say yes too.”
The puppy leaped down from your lap, content to explore their new apartment as you slid down and onto Bucky’s lap. Arms wrapping around his shoulders and kissing him harder than you ever had before. Warmth blossomed in your chest as Bucky’s lips parted briefly with a light moan, kissing one another with dizzying urgency.
Gasping for air the two of you parted briefly, planting pecking kisses against one another lips.
“Is that a yes,” he husked, his hands sliding up and down your back.
“Yes, it’s a yes, Jamie.”
Grinning up at you, Bucky cradled you against him, “I didn’t know if you’d say yes.”
“Of course I’d say yes,” you whispered, holding onto him tightly. “After all, you did get me that puppy I’ve always wanted.”
A laugh escaped Bucky as he held you tightly and buried his face against your chest, his shoulders shaking in what could only be a relief, “Fuck, I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Blue-Eyes.”
END
#bucky barnes x you#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barns x reader#bucky barns x y/n#bucky barns fanfiction#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#mcu#TFWS#winter soldier#avengers#bucky barnes#marvel
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Catching up on some of the things I've been tagged in. Some of these are very old. So sorry. I'm crap.
Fic author interview! I was tagged by the fantastic @lynne-monstr
No-pressure tagging: @pangzi @foxofninetales @merinnan @killerandhealerqueen @strandedchesspiece @thesilversun @silver-colour
How many works do you have on AO3?
266 as of now
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
1,467,370 words however some of those words are on collaborative fics. I don't know how to filter out the ones I wrote by myself but it's well over the 1,000,000 mark and that makes me happy
3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Unleashed (MCU, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers) - 801 kudos
Visible to All But Me - (DMBJ, Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling) - 666 kudos (ehehe 😈)
The Truth About Cats, Dogs and Penguins - (Men's Hockey RPF. Evgeni Malkin/Sidney Crosby) - 621 kudos
In which Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are surprisingly capable parents - (MCU, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers) - 530 kudos
Not The Russian Way- (The Man From UNCLE movie, Ilya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo/Gaby Teller) - 516 kudos
I find it fascinating that a DMBJ fic is in my top 5. The other fics are all pretty old and in large and popular fandoms. I think it was just good timing in that I posted when a lot of people who have since moved on to other fandoms were into DMBJ off the back of Ultimate Note airing.
4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I try! I think it's just polite to at least say thank you. Occasionally I do forget of miss one though.
5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
I don't really do sad or angsty endings
6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?
Yeah, pretty much all of them.
7. Do you write crossovers?
Very rarely. I think all my crossovers have been co-written with other people.
8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Not hate exactly, but somone once accused me of plagiarism because I posted a fic with vaguely similar themes to one of theirs. Luckily for me this was back in the LJ days where there was a comm specifically for reviewing accusations of plagiarism where independent people would review both fics. Of course they ruled in my favour but it was really fucking upsetting at the time.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I have, but I prefer not to.
10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I am aware of.
11. Have you ever had a fic translated?
I have! Someone translated one of my MCU fics into Chinese which made me very happy.
12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Yes, a bunch of times! It can be really fun if you get along well with the people you're writing with.
13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?
That's like asking me what my favourite fandom is. My favourite ship is whatever ship I am into at the time.
14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
RIP my au for The Untamed where Lotus Pier was a hotel that famous musician Lan Wangji came to stay in while he was on tour.
15. What are your writing strengths?
Probably dialogue or soft domestic fluff
16. What are your writing weaknesses?
Description. A beta reader recently commented that in one of my fics I hadn't actually described what anyone looks like. I just want them to talk and kiss, okay?
17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
Not full dialogue, no, but now that I've started writing in Chinese fandoms I think there are some words that can be used. Generally only terms of address, though. Like someone calling someone 'laoban'
18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?
I do still kind of want to write some Mysterious Lotus Casebook fic. At least one at any rate.
20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written
Juxtaposition (DMBJ, Wang Pangzi/Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling)
I don't generally write AUs, and I definitely have never written anything close to this long before. It took me a year to write it and I am very proud of it.
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20 Questions for Fic Authors
thanks for the tag @thebrandywine 💖
answers under the cut.
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
268 works.
2. What is your AO3 wordcount?
1,256,253 words.
3. What fandoms do you write for?
RE. and still have the urge to write Gears but lol if you thought nivannedy was a rare pair...
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
nobody's perfect (TOG, pretty gen)
now drunk on lust I drown in you (forever within I'm lost in you) (RE, Chreon)
and who's to find the way right through you (RE, Chreon)
scattered fragments of time (that's all we are) (RE, Chreon)
how to accidentally get adopted - a guide by Piers Nivans (RE, Piers-centric, also background Chreon)
5. Do you respond to comments?
always! i know i missed a couple, sometimes i take ages, but i do always try to respond bc i love and cherish nice comments.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
the bad endings on three words to last forever. i still like the angstiest one the most :'D
7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
lmao like everything else idk i want them happy. i've written loads of fluff idk how to quantify which is the happiest.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
only ever got a few nasty comments thankfully, so no, not really.
9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?
yeppp. idk what does 'which kind' mean? anything that feels inspiring lol.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?
not really. i did start a few back in the day but i didn't really finish them. i am not really into crossovers tbh i don't even read them 99% of the time.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
yeah. someone was selling it on amazon pffth.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
a few. apparently five on ao3 lol but i think there was one or two back in the lj days too. might be wrong tho :'D
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
lol loads. at one point in life like... fifteen years ago, most things i wrote were co-written with a friend. and i've done it a couple of times after that too. i really like co-op stuff tbh but haven't found people to collab with lately.
14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?
right now i would sell my soul for nivannedy. might already have.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
ehhhh at this moment i doubt i'll ever finish anything. maybe the lifeguard au? i was red-hot for the idea at first but then it kinda... fizzled out. kept changing. got ruined by pushy ppl lol. but maybe i'll get back to it one day bc i would love a nivannedy summer romance tbh.
16. What are your writing strengths?
uhm. characterization. dialogue. emotional shit? idk i think i do best when i have intimate moments with two people. tiny everyday moments and mundane shit. like that. if i get going writing sometimes flows super well and i think i can get consistently readable stuff done in one go. but that'd require getting going lol.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
action. i suck at action. i also suck at it in the way that i can't actually make myself start writing. i got way too co-dependent when i still had people excitedly participating in the process and now i sit here sad doing nothing :'D but anyway. writing action and having some self-discipline lol.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
depends very heavily on the context. in general i do think it should be all in one language for readability but there are exceptions. i've done it too lol but it was only like a line or two in finnish :'D
19. First fandom you wrote for?
diru, twenty years ago lmao, it's like a different lifetime. i only learned of the existence of fanfic at the ripe old age of nineteen lol but yeah it's still been so long now.
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
asdjfngkn i can not choose between all of my children c'mon. uhm. am just gonna say the self-indulgent series bc it truly was so important to me for so long and i'm still devastated it ended. sigh. now i made myself sad again :'D
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Fuck it, here’s a post about Ted Malawer.
Playwrite, trained opera singer, literary agent, and co-writer for RWRB.
I knew nothing about him prior to about fifteen minutes ago.
He wrote one play called Daddy Issues: a gay romp through history starring Adolf Hitler!
The synopsis: Von Blergh is an aspiring Jewish artist in New Rochelle. Adolf Hitler is an aspiring artist in Germany. As they mature, their lives intertwine in ways neither of them thought possible, leading to the discovery of love, the pursuit of passion, and their own coming-of-age and ultimate destruction. A fast-paced, dark comedy set against a historical re-imagining of the early-to-mid twentieth century.
The reviews say it’s a lot of fun.
Now, when I think Hitler, I don’t think “lots of fun.” Call my opinion unpopular, I guess. And I’m not immune to comedy, The Producers had an entire thing about a Hitler musical (Springtime for Hitler, anyone?), but that was the joke. The Producers made fun of people making Hitler shows because it’s weird, it’ll make money, but it’s weird and harmful. Ted’s play is tagged as being a satire… but that doesn’t matter, it’s still a play about Hitler finding love and then starting the Holocaust over a breakup. Ted said, let’s downplay the entirety of a genocide that killed 6million people, because I can make it gay and funny.
Anyway so Ted made gay Hitler fanfiction. It starred Robin De Jesús, who I personally really love and have seen basically every film he’s in, but uh, were there no gay Jewish actors in New York who wanted to play Hitler’s love interest? Hmm… wonder why.
Next!
Ted wrote a little thing and described the Jewish character as the following: “He is neurotic and hungry — in other words, Jewish.”
Ah, yes, the classic “Jews are neurotic” thing haha. While you’re at it, why don’t you make a joke about women staying in the kitchen and someone taking your wife. Calling Jews neurotic is dead. It’s a dead joke. It’s dumb, it’s untrue, and it’s old. It’s a stupid, stupid stereotype joke that has become literally the biggest way Jews can be presented in media.
He then uses the whole “First they came” poem(?) as the basis of the opening, but changes all the words. First They Came is a WW2 writing about how they come for the groups you’re not and if you don’t speak out, by the time they get to you, there’s no one there to help you. It’s powerful. Anyway, he says “they came for the Jews but I didn’t speak out because I had a nose job, a good one, so I could pass.”
Ah, yes, Jews have big noses, but once you get yours ripped off you can hide your Jewishness and no one ever has to know you were a Jew. Isn’t it so great to pass? What the fuck, Ted. Come on, man.
More, the character refers to himself as Anne Frank on PrEp.
Says that he would rather be buried in a Jewish cemetery than get a tattoo. In some places you can’t be buried if you have a tattoo since it’s technically against religion rules, but that’s pretty relaxed nowadays from what I’ve seen. Like, pretty sure only the really religiously places might reject someone on tattoo basis. It was in the context of saying that the main character made a group of friends, but they dropped him when he wouldn’t get a tattoo, because he’d rather be buried in his family plot. So basically saying that by picking his religion, he loses all his friends. Basically Ted is saying that if you pick being overtly Jewish over fitting in, you lose out.
But then it talks about, of course, the overbearing mom wanting her son to be a doctor and never leave home. Because of course all Jewish moms are overbearing and want a doctor in the family. I’m literally so over these stereotypes.
Mention about temple membership being expensive. That made me laugh, because it is kinda expensive. Butttttt also, you don’t have to pay for weekly services. Those are free. You can join a temple and pay, you get better high holy day tickets that way, your kids can go to Hebrew school, etc, but the majority of temples just let you walk in. Because we’re not, like, a money making organization. But obviously Ted had to make sure the audience knew that Jews have a whole money thing going, so he made sure to talk about how expensive going to temple is. Tell us more how you feel there, Teddy!
Talk about low self-esteem and a bad stomach.
I think Ted has low self-esteem and takes it out on himself by writing some…interesting…stuff.
Ha ha ha another classic Jew™️ moment. A bad tummy. 1. There are genetic things (I’m not a doctor don’t ask me) that make Ashkenazic Jews more prone to gastrointestinal problems, but NOT everyone!!! 2. I repeat not. Every. Jew. Has. Stomach. Trouble!!!!!!!!! Every race/ethnicity/group of people has shared genetic markers, that’s how DNA works, and different races have different issues. But, god, it’s so damn annoying for this to be what Jews are known for. I swear to god I’ve had people ask me if I should be eating something because I’m Jewish, like, what the fuck? Anyway, Ted thinks Jews are only a collection of stereotypes.
Hasidic drag queen named Torah Portion murdered someone. First off, lazy name. You can do better than that. There’s like a bunch online. Regardless. Torah Portion is a terrible drag queen name. And is more telling that Ted is saying that the Torah killed someone. We’re seeing his inner thoughts here for sure. This is a man who does not like his Jewish religion or being seen as visibly Jewish. Plus, Hasidic being specified really shows what he thinks of the other branches of Judaism.
Lastly, the Jewish character says he’s done a lot of mitzvahs, like selling a blind girl to the zoo.
Because Jews love money and are awful people haha, right Ted?
So what’s the point of this post, I’m sure you’re asking. It’s to show that self-hatred is big in the Jewish community. It’s the whole “I’ll punch myself so you don’t have to” thing. It’s why there’s so many Jewish comedians. We can make fun of ourselves so you don’t. It’s a survival thing. But, there becomes a time when it stops being for survival or for comedy, and it becomes believed by society and by that Jew themself. Ted wrote these things because it’s what’s expected of a Jewish character. To be full of stereotypes. He wrote a gay Hitler play, I don’t even have any idea where to go with that. So, it’s easy to see that Ted is someone who is embarrassed by who he is, and hides that in self-deprecation on stage. It’s literally the self-hating Jew trope that some Jews use to pretend that they’re not different, they’re not like those other Jews, they’re cool Jews. Well, Ted, imho you just seem kinda like you hate that you were born Jewish and, like, kinda gross with your Hitler fanfic
When RWRB erased their only Jewish character for the screen, was it Ted saying to do so? Because I don’t want a man who thinks exploring a Hitler romance is funny or saying that a nose job means a Jew isn’t really a Jew anymore because they can pass, making the calls for which Jews get to exist and which don’t. Like, Jews are so little good representation, and based on Ted’s past stuff and the fact that RWRB literally erased their Jewish character, it really looks like the brain trust there (Matthew, Casey, Ted) don’t think Jews are worthy of anything better. That Nora couldn’t possibly be Jewish onscreen, because she’s not riddled with stereotypes (I mean… not any more than usual and easily changed), instead she was a strong character first and Jewish second. Which, to Matt, CMQ, and Ted, I guess they don’t think a Jew can be that
So, Ted, what the actual fuck?
#rwrb movie#red white and royal blue#red white royal blue movie#red white and royal blue movie#ted Malawer
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A03 Questions Tag Game
I got tagged by: @coffincrows
I tag: @ventela1 @autumn2may @farshootingstar
1 – How many works do you have on AO3?
70
2 – What's your total AO3 word count?
552,955
3 – What fandoms do you write for?
In no particular order: Cult of the Lamb, Welcome to Night Vale, Disco Elysium, Good Omens, Overwatch and a bunch of series I've only written one fic in
4 – What are your top five fics by kudos?
Points on a Circle (Overwatch, lots of ships, mainly Yeehan)
Now Streaming: Love! (Overwatch, lots of ships, D.va POV)
White is Not the New Black (Good Omens, Ineffable Husbands)
Fusion is Just a Cheap Tactic to Make Weak Angels Stronger (Good Omens, Ineffable Husbands)
Welcome to Cyber Vale (Welcome to Night Vale, Cecilos)
5 – Do you respond to comments?
I may accidentally skip a few (sorry) but I try to respond to everyone!
6 – What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Another Pyramid, although I'm not sure I would call it angsty. The fic is about two robots (omnics) discussion an opera and the play based on it, and it ends with one of the robots wondering if the more opened-ended play could possibly be about the endless cycle of tragedy and romance, and how that's very fitting in the current war for robot rights.
7 – What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Probably To Forgive is Divine since it ends with the Bishop family back together AND Narinder and Lamb as a couple AND other happy spoilers
8 – Do you get hate on fics?
Okay so I wouldn't call it hate but I will take a moment to talk about the weirdest comment I ever got on a fic: Someone once posted in the third chapter of a fic that they hadn't read the first two chapters (on purpose) and they were only going to read every-other chapter from then on. And then every other chapter they kept posting about how the fic made no sense and kept asking questions that were answered in the parts they skipped.
Yeah I ended up blocking them and deleting the comments. Like, the fuck?
9 – Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I have written smut. I would describe it as "bad".
10 – Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
Probably the Good Omens/Pokemon crossover fic The Evils of Truth and Love. Sadly I couldn't figure out anything to do with it plot-wise so it's only just three chapters of silliness.
11 – Have you ever had a fic stolen?
No idea. Imagine someone stealing my work. It'd be like someone stealing my twelve year old hyundai. Like, why?
12 – Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes! I know Cyber Vale got partially translated, and one of my Disco Elysium fics was translated into Russian!
13 – Have you ever co-written a fic?
No, I'm not into co-writing.
14 – What's your all-time favorite ship?
Probably X/Zero. Which is funny considering I've never written a ship about them.
15 – What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
Dear Notes in a Line and Five Shalle Ryde fans:
I swear I'll come back one day to finish these. Pinky-swear.
16 – What are your writing strengths?
Apparently I have a real knack for writing immortal God/God-like beings/Immortal Robots and I don't know what to do with this power besides writing fanfic.
17 – What are your writing weaknesses?
I am so, so bad at smut. I've tried, you guys. I've really tried. But writing it feels like someone is sandpapering my brain. In another timeline where I can write smut I'm probably making bank on a terrible amazon published erotica series.
18 – Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I try to avoid it myself because I can barely handle English most days. Never mind other languages Do you know how many times I've failed French 1? Six. SIX TIMES.
EDIT: It has been pointed out to me that I've written multiple characters in multiple stories that use ASL. I am not a clever person.
19 – First fandom you wrote for?
NiGHTS Into Dreams! It's called TWiNS and I actually dug it up from the depths of FF.net to post on Ao3 because I'm so proud of my teen self for writing it.
20 – Favorite fic you've written?
Probably As Mayflies, which I wrote one beautiful summer morning while I was feeling very emotional over Sir Terry Pratchett's passing and wrote a little story about how the humans Crowley and Aziraphale meet live forever in their hearts.
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Fic Writer Interview
I was tagged by @laviejaguardia. Thank you! 💕
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
89, but 12 of them are art only
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
724,869
3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
That’s His Name (Merlin) - 29.981
In the Winter of My Soul (Merlin) - 5.952
Just Have To Save The World (Merlin) - 4.343
Me Casa, Su Casa (X-Men) - 2.427
Most kudos for The Old Guard: Room for Love - 904
4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I try to because I love them, and that’s why sometimes I fall into that trap of “I need to adequately convey how happy this comment made me, I can’t just say ‘thank you’’ and then I leave it for too long. Also sometimes I don’t have the spoons at that moment. But I appreciate every last one of them.
5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
I love angst, but I love a happy ending even more, so in my fic the angst usually gets resolved. A fic that regularly leaves people in tears, though, is At Samhain, but the ending has hope.
6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?
So many happy endings! ☺️ One of the happiest might be my Merlin Age of Sail AU, The Seven Seas , which has a very happy ending after a lot of angst and heartache.
7. Do you write crossovers?
No, not really.
8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Not really personal attacks so much, but I have received snide comments, character bashing and absurdly wilful misinterpretations. And always on anon of course.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Yes, I do. I’m a proud alumni of multiple Pornathons in the Merlin fandom. When I write kink, it tends to be PWP of the kind that’s about losing control, or pushing the lines of taboos. In my longer or more plotty fic it’s more emotional, focused on the characters’ connection.
10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
I once had someone write a fic that had the exact same plot down to locations and minor details and even almost the same dialogue as one I was posting. Like a (bad) rewrite. It was very weird.
11. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes, a few, which I’m ever so grateful for. 💕
12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
No. I’m honestly not sure how that would work for me. 😅
13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?
Joe/Nicky really is the fulfillment of all my shippy hopes and dreams. 😍 Beyond them, maybe Cherik. I like the drama. 😂
14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
A Cherik bodyswap fic, set between XMFC and Days of Future Past, while Erik is imprisoned. I love the premise and what I have so far, but it’s been so long that I’ve been in that fandom.
15. What are your writing strengths?
Conveying emotions and believable dialogue
16. What are your writing weaknesses?
Transitions and being overly dramatic, which is probably connected lol
17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
I do enjoy it in sprinkles, if it’s done well. Endearments, curses, stuff that mostly won’t need a translation footnote but grounds a character in a different cultural background.
18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?
I wrote stuff before I knew about fanfiction. Before you could find (and easily post) stuff on the internet. But the first fic I wrote and posted was Harry Potter, gen with very, very heavy wolf star undertones 😅
19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?
I don’t really have an unfulfilled craving right now, and I tend to focus on one fandom, and even one ship almost exclusively, but I’m a little surprised at myself for never having written Sterek. 🤔
20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?
That is so hard to pick, but two favourites are Shalom Malak for XMFC and If You Abide With Me for TOG
Tagging, but obviously only if they want to @falcon-fox-and-coyote @tobebbanburg @pinkninjapj @beepbeepsan @isabellehemlock 💗
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20 Questions for fic writers
Tagged by @holdmecloser-gandydancer
tagging you, the person reading this and wishing someone tagged you, yes you, i mean it
1. How many works do you have on A03?
total? 73. TAZ? 37. oh man. palindrome
2. What's your total A03 word count?
703,033 baby ive been here for Ten Years
3. What fandoms do you write for?
recently taz. before that, aftg, haikyuu!! etc. but man it has been taz for a While
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
OF TAZ WORKS (all my top 5 are old old)
1. Sticker Stars (of course) 2. Run Away With Me 3. Rub This On Your Body 4.Little Shop of Horny and 5. Apply Directly to the Forehead (one of my first taz fics!!) all of those make sense as contenders but i am surprised revenge plus one is #8
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
i................have to be honest..........................................i'm so...sorry............
[id: a screenshot of "Inbox (3402)" indicating no, no I do not]
(please understand this is from years and years and years and years)
i pretty much only reply if i am directly asked a question i have an answer to or it makes me cry in a good way....not because i'm an asshole or because i don't appreciate them!!!! comments mean truly so much to me!! i just don't know what to say besides thank you, so i usually write an emphatic thank you on each chapter and hope people know i mean it.... please don't think i don't care...please............. i care so much
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
we don't do that here
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
“But like,” words fall out of Taako’s mouth before he can stop them. “Live your life, dude, go a little nuts, feel like a whole person, give me $200, participate in the universe, get your back blown out on demand, fucking-” he laughs. “Have a collection, experience joy, buy a cat, get diagnosed with autism, fall in love-”
“What was that last part??”
if that (from revenge plus one) isn't a happy ending what is (i'm hoping the people who care enough to read a post like this have either read it already or are going to go. oh my god i have to read revenge plus one tonight)
8. Do you get hate on fics?
no and if i did i would block and delete em, there's no time for that. fuck em. this is a joy pursuit (i would cry though. don't. what the hell. just close the tab like a normal person. someone MADE THAT.)
9. Do you write smut?
oh baby DO I
i do intend to write some more publishable stuff soon. most of my personal stuff has gotten Way Too Weird. but look out for some horny supervillain taakitz soon if thats your cup of hot chocolate with too many marshmallows in it 👀👀👀👀
10. Do you write crossovers?
sorry i am obsessed with one thing at a time.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
hope not! if so i cast a billion death spiders on them. smooch. partake in the joyous act of baring your soul via dumbfucks yourself, coward
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
once, i think? im not sure they finished
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
absolutely, some of my best stuff was originally rp!!! i am so sorry @holdmecloser-gandydancer @noodyl-blasstal for not continuing some super exciting projects, my brain is electric soup and my life is a circus. someday. someday we will play again. i must believe
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
if you did not expect taakitz i have 29+ fics you should read
15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
everything is possible until you give up. so who knows!!!!!!!!!!! it sure does help to know there are people that will still read things if and when they are ever finished though
16. What are your writing strengths?
VOICE! dialogue. fun
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
planning fucking ahead
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
caution necessary but i mean live your life, just be aware of the err of google translate
19. First fandom you wrote for?
on ao3? wtnv
before that? squints. maybe homestuck or............no it was shakespeare
man. fuck
20. Favourite fic you've ever written?
revenge plus one, probably, i miss living in it
nothing says passion like 90k and baby's first adhd medication!!!!!!!!!
really though please go read it. if you have 90k worth of attention and time and interest
also hey? in general? if you read this far? keep writing. and enjoy it. self indulgence isn't just nice, it's what makes life worth living. make for you, and then the comments and appreciation are bonus. snare a few friends in your web and you're living, baby
keep reaching for the stars
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20 questions for writers
tagged by @aobawilliams ! (thank you!)
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
44 (that's a lot!)
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
212,262
3. What fandoms do you write for?
I've written for quite a lot of fandoms but I think currently I'm only writing for One Piece and Black Butler. I used to write quite a bit for my hero academia, but the hyperfixation passed a long time ago. And I think no matter how much time passes I'll always be up for writing for detective conan/magic kaito.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Villain? Gamer? Why not both? (4803 kudos)
Shouta's Guide to House-training Two Idiots (2178 kudos)
Two Weeks (1191 kudos)
Accidental Kidnappings and Semi-purposeful Hostage Situations (1084 kudos)
The Wake-up Call (1082 kudos)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I used to, but I don't anymore. I can take things very personally and I'd posted a fic where someone didn't agree with my characterisation of one of the characters and told me this in the comments. I didn't take it well and argued with them, and now that kind of embarrasses me (though, tbh I'd be embarrassed myself if I commented on someone's fic without being asked for feedback in a way that was critical to their approach to a character. Sometimes fanfic just isn't for you and you should leave others alone and let them do their thing).
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
it's probably The Stranger (Mob Psycho 100 fic)
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
hmmm i mean, the thing is, my fics rarely end. so i don't really know...
8. Do you get hate on fics?
I got a proper hate comment once. it was really funny. they didn't mention anything critical of my writing and just told me it was shit and that i'm too old to write like that (i doubt they knew hold old i am?? i don't put my age online anymore). i assume i made them mad on tumblr so they decided to try and make my day bad?? but i just found it funny.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
No. Sometimes I think it would be fun to write smut just to try something new but then I realise I don't enjoy writing about sex and don't have any ideas unless they're funny crack treated seriously ones.
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
@aobawilliams and I have a shared bnha/detective conan crossover we were planning to write maybe a couple years agonow. we never got round to it tho cause aha writing hard :')
i did have a dream where ciel phantomhive got yeeted into the one piece world tho and that was fun. only problem is i think it'd be VERY hard to write something like that. very funny tho. he would hate every second of his forced one piece holiday
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know of.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
I think I've had a couple people pop up in dms to ask to translate my fics before. I've never seen the supposed translated fics tho (not that I'd be able to read them).
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
aoba and I have several co-owned wips that likely won't ever see the light of day cause writing is hard and we are very very tired.
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
I don't really have a favourite. I just have ones I think are funny or interesting to explore.
15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
ughhh too many. idek.
16. What are your writing strengths?
I've been told my character dialogue is quite good?
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Actually having to write ):
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
I don't really like it cause I have no idea what's being said and am too lazy to look up a translation, but to each their own.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
I have this very old very embarrassing memory of writing tsubasa chronicle/tokyo babylon crossover fanfic for my english class homework as an 11 or 12 year old. i think they got ice cream.
20. Favourite fic you've ever written?
I'm not sure. Maybe The Ceiling of the World (black butler) just cause I've wanted to write black butler fanfic for years and never finished any other wip. Otherwise it'd probably be one of the bnha wips I never finished (there was this time travel one that made me go insane. now that I'm thinking about it I REALLY need to finish it) and uploaded or Permanent Membership Guaranteed (bnha)
not tagging anyone but if u want you can take this as a go ahead to do it.
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Katya: A Poem
"Goncharov" is a 1973 Martin Scorsese film that Tumblr collectively invented in 2022. I'd heard of it, but didn't take too much interest in it. It was only recently that I found out that "Goncharov" had a sapphic ship, between Katya and Sofia. That was what piqued my interest.
In a flurry of activity, I wrote a poem.
I am indebted to all the Tumblr bloggers who came before me, whose creations were captured in this "Goncharov" master doc and this collection of quotes. I hope you enjoy the poem I strung together from your posts!
If you reblog this, make sure to add the tags #unreality and #unrealism so people who would find it triggering don't see it. Remember to Gonch responsibly!
Yekaterina Mikhailova.
That was my name.
It was a name that meant nothing,
because I was nothing.
My father’s daughter,
my brother’s sister.
For a time, we were rich.
Then our father received a visit from his co-workers
in the mafia.
He came between them
and his daughter.
He died with a smile on his face.
For the next three years, we were poor.
My brother and I,
living �� no, merely surviving –
together on the streets,
made a resolution:
never again would we fall so low.
Never again would we be so weak.
So penniless.
So worthless.
We tracked down our uncle.
Thanks to him, we joined the mafia ourselves –
me first,
my brother later, more reluctantly.
He learnt not to question what I did,
no matter how much of a father
he wanted to be to me.
I only have one mother, one father, one brother, one uncle,
but I could trace a path
from Naples to my childhood home in Moscow
with the blood of all the men
who told me they loved me.
…
Later, I trained as a spy.
It was in that line of work that I found Lo Straniero.
The stranger.
He told me his real name was Leonid Goncharov.
I chose to believe him.
What is marriage,
but a way to escape the names of our fathers?
When I walked towards Goncharov
at the altar,
I thought that would be the moment
I would finally become someone
real enough
to have flesh and blood
to call mine.
Perhaps the name Yekaterina
wouldn’t sound so empty on my lips.
And with those same lips
I called his name,
and smiled at him in front of God,
and kissed him in the dark of our room.
And all I became was his wife.
A wedding is no different to a funeral,
is it not?
The old Yekaterina died to Goncharov that day;
he took my name from me,
my very history,
and I allowed him that.
My husband is a man who collects things he can use.
A pistol,
a pocket watch,
a woman’s love,
a wife.
My father would have needed me to marry,
so I did.
Goncharov would have needed me to love him,
so I did.
I truly did.
Oh, I was a good woman, wasn’t I?
A wife when he needed someone to bed,
a sister when he needed someone to argue with,
a mother when he needed to cry...
Is that all women were in his eyes?
Actors?
Pretty dolls to dress up and spin around
according to his needs?
No, I shouldn’t be so harsh.
It wasn’t his fault
he could only ever fall in love with men.
But the way he treated me?
That was his fault.
I needed a new place to exist.
I found you in the fruit stand.
…
Sofia Ambrosini.
That was your name.
With your serpent bracelet twinkling,
you stooped to pick up the fallen apple
that had escaped my basket
and rolled towards your leg –
the right one,
the one made of wood.
I recognised from your false leg
and your false snake
that you were in the same world as me –
the same world of murder
whose space we shared precariously.
But in that moment
we could be two women in a market
shopping for two men,
me my husband,
you your brother.
Because it’s so hard to make friends in a world of murder.
But here we were in public,
under the Sun,
and just for a while,
we could pretend we were women
who knew each other from …
somewhere.
Just making friends.
Just leading each other into temptation.
It was the apple’s fault.
It was the apple that made me bring up Adam and Eve.
There we so many strange apples at that market.
I imagined the wild way they looked
was how they looked in the Garden of Eden.
But then you said,
“I never understood why it had to be an apple.
Why an apple?”
I answered, “I don’t know.
Because it’s always been an apple, I suppose.
It’s easier to recreate in art.
All the painters and sculptors
and everyone else who makes those choices,
they all came together and decided
that an apple looks pretty simple –
nice, smooth, round,
easy enough to draw in a tree –
and now everyone sees nothing but apples
in the Tree of Knowledge
ever after.
So it’s always apples.”
I will never forget your response.
“The dullest possible produce.
The Forbidden Fruit is supposed to be
something unusual,
something special.
All the knowledge of the world
and of each other
and of the realisation
that these two fools are
running around the Garden
with their bottoms bare
in front of the Almighty.
An apple doesn’t seem right for that.
It’s dull.
It’s a thing for pastry and postcards.”
“What would you pick instead?” I asked.
“Pomegranates,” you said immediately. “No question.
It’s the fruit that the God of the Dead used
to trick the Goddess of Spring
into staying with him in the Underworld.
She tasted the seeds
and she was forced to stay down there
for half a year, every year,
forever.
A fruit so powerful
it can trap a goddess
seems like the kind of fruit
that can banish humanity from Paradise.”
We paused.
We made eye contact.
“Tastes better than apples, too,” you added.
And it looks like a jewel
when you split it open.”
I ate a pomegranate panna cotta
in the bistro later that day.
And when I licked my lips,
I immediately understood you.
I did like apples,
but pomegranates?
They were amazing.
I’d go to Hell for them.
I’d go to Hell for you.
…
“Oh, it’s six already?”
Goncharov said to me when I returned home.
“The clock’s broken,” I replied.
“It’s been six for hours.”
If only time would stop for us.
…
I was raised Orthodox,
but Goncharov and I had been attending a Catholic Mass
to better fit in with the locals.
I was unsettled by the topic of Father Gianni’s sermon:
the sins of the flesh,
the importance of resisting Earthly temptations,
and the necessity of self-control in this life,
thereby preparing for glories to come.
Were there any glories to come?
You, Sofia, got up to leave in the middle of the sermon,
heading for the stained-glass Virgin Mary,
and you whispered as you passed,
“Take your glories where you may.”
And like the fishermen who left their nets
to follow Jesus
and become fishers of men,
I got up
and followed you.
I did not know how my husband felt about me doing that.
I did not care.
I started partaking of apples and pomegranates
in equal measure.
…
Sofia, you told me you had never even touched a gun before.
But you were clearly too skilled
when those men cornered you
and you took them all down.
Admit it.
You just lied because
you wanted me to give you that “hands-on” shooting lesson,
didn’t you?
“Are we not all murderers in some way, Katya?”
you said to me when I challenged you.
“After all, a human being is a heart.
Break that, and how can it go on living?”
I had to ask,
“Don’t you have a broken heart, Sofia?”
“It still beats, Katya,” you said, quietly.
“It still beats.”
…
For me, it’s always been the darkness I liked;
the way the lights roll off the water between the alleyways
reminds me of the past.
…
You were adamant in your belief
that all memory is treachery.
But one of my favourite memories
was us together in my husband’s house,
after dinner at the casino,
me in my evening gown,
you dressed as a waiter.
You’d asked, “What’s your poison?”
I’d answered, “Whatever you’re having, darling.”
For the first time since moving to Naples,
I shook off the white furs
and showed you my dress –
the woman
under the animal.
“You look good in red,” you said to me.
Then you called me lisichka.
Little fox.
Which should have sounded wrong,
a Russian pet name in an Italian accent,
but that night it sounded right.
I returned the compliments.
“And you look good in green,
kukolka.”
Little doll.
I gave you one of my pearl necklaces.
“Every woman should be allowed
to feel like she is looked at
beautifully.”
My husband’s voice resounded in my head:
“Time isn’t like your pearls, Yekaterina.
You can’t buy more.
You think you can own time by wearing it,
but it just beats itself into your bones instead.”
Well, no-one can tell me what I can and can’t buy.
…
“If I were cursed, Sofia,
then I would never have found you.”
“You could still lose me.”
“Never.”
…
I started being Katya,
being myself,
not because I fell into my role as Goncharov’s wife,
but because I discovered my inability.
My unwillingness.
I knew he cared for me,
but not beyond the presentation we put on for his peers.
The peers who could end his life at any moment.
And it wouldn’t be so unbearable
if we were at least still friends,
but all of that went to Andrey –
the friendship, the love, the care –
at least as much as Goncharov was capable of
beyond his own inadequacies.
Andrey could not live loyally,
so let’s see how he does in death.
…
I didn’t want Goncharov’s name in your mouth.
I should have taken his money and left.
It’s not obvious why I didn’t.
All this time wandering the wreckage of his house –
I’m sorry, Sofia, it must have killed you.
“Unlike you,” you said to me,
“I do not lure to cannibalise.
I watch, and I starve.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Well, stop it!
What do you take me for?
Stop watching and devour me in full already,
won’t you?”
So you did.
I must have looked like a jewel
when you split me open.
…
“I’ll stay with you tonight, if you’ll have me.”
“I wouldn’t have anyone else.”
I lay in bed with you.
We wanted to do so much,
but ended up doing so little.
I ran my foot up and down your leg –
the right one,
the one made of wood.
I thought of what I knew
(what little I knew)
about your past –
how your Jewish family came to Naples,
how you lost them somewhere,
how the Poor Clares took you in and cared for you,
how you searched for your family amidst the Nazis,
how you lost that leg in the riots.
“The world wants you dead,” I said,
more to myself than you.
You turned to me.
“Do you want me dead?”
I forced myself to meet your eyes.
“No.”
You shrugged.
“Then the world doesn’t want me dead.”
We stayed in bed together for a while after that.
…
We were always wasting time we never had.
How could I love something which was never there?
Oh, darling, that’s just grief.
Time is like blood,
and I have wasted both.
We could not go on forever,
could not fight the story,
could not step outside the marriage
or the mafia
or else.
We were animals,
and animals, whether wild or tamed,
cannot fight the inevitable.
“Time stops for no-one, Katya.
Not even us.”
…
“What’s on your mind?”
“Wishful thinking.”
“Sofia, I’m not cut out for the life you’re offering me.
That different life.
I am chained to my history –
a short chain.
That’s why I cannot leave with you.”
That’s why you and I
and my husband
and his lover
and your brother
and our enemies
are all in this boathouse.
November’s the cruellest month of the year,
and Naples is full of fools.
…
“Of course we’re in love!” I scream at Goncharov.
“That’s why I tried to shoot you!”
He laughs and cries at the same time.
“If we really were in love,
you wouldn’t have missed.”
He’s right.
Our love was a grenade,
and now all that remains is shrapnel.
He loved me, but only for a minute.
I don’t know if he could handle any more.
Love cannot be bought;
otherwise, we would have had a happy marriage.
When we got married, I drew this line
between us and the world.
He’s crossed that line,
and I can’t go with him.
He and I are,
I think,
finally out of time.
He has destroyed and betrayed himself
for nothing.
That is his worst sin.
My inability to be loyal to my husband
is what saved me.
And what now kills him.
What could now kill you, if you let it.
…
You are pleading with me.
“We can have the Forbidden Fruit
and it can be whatever we want!
Let it be a pomegranate!
Let us glut ourselves on it!
And why do we have to follow everyone else’s rules
about what is and isn’t forbidden, anyway?
None of us in this boathouse
are living within the law in the first place.
There is blood on everyone’s hands.
Can’t you and I sin a little sweeter?
Can’t you admit that the sin you want most
isn’t a sin at all?
Can’t you spit out the lies you’ve swallowed
in the Hell you found yourself in?
We could grow our own garden somewhere!”
No, Sofia.
This is my garden,
my Tree of Knowledge,
better the Devil I know,
and you wish you were my Serpent,
but this is my Underworld to rule
as much as any queen can rule there,
unhappy
but resigned.
Go, Eve.
Grow your garden alone.
The Forbidden Fruit is there to be eaten,
to force us to go,
to let us step outside the walls meant to keep us in.
But you just can’t make everyone eat.
The pomegranate is within my reach,
but I have lost my appetite for seeds.
…
I do what Goncharov would do,
and you know what that means.
Death.
Goncharov has never meant anything else.
I will die like my father,
with a smile on my face.
I will die for you.
You were once a little girl, alone and scared,
but that girl is long dead.
The Sofia that lives now?
The world should fear her.
Damn them as they would damn us.
But don’t you ever raise a hand to me.
…
Sofia, don’t cry.
There’s no use trying to rewrite the story now.
Sofia, get out of this boathouse.
Take my boat.
It’s fine.
I won’t need it anymore.
Go, zolotse.
Leave Naples.
Leave Italy.
Leave the mafia behind.
But take your two candlesticks with you.
Light them on a Friday evening,
and watch the red of the sunset
wash over the white of the candles.
Sofia, take your day of rest.
No, a year of rest.
Make every day a Shabbat.
Remember to bless yourself.
Sofia, choose wisely what you do now,
because it might be the last time you get to choose.
“All memory is treachery.”
I wonder how you will remember me.
#chrysalis poetry#poetry#poem#writing#goncharov#goncharov 1973#katya goncharova#sofia ambrosini#sofia modigliani#katya x sofia#lo straniero#andrey daddano#andrey goncharov#mario ambrosini#gonchposting#unreality#unrealism#tw unreality#tw unrealism#cw unreality#cw unrealism
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
Thanks for the tag, @andordean
Tagging @room-on-broom @cassiopeiasara @tiffanyachings @nellectronic and whomever else wants to do it!
1. How many works do you have on A03?
Ninety five.
2. What's your total A03 word count?
1,840,502 (and counting...)
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Currently? The Witcher. I do have a few other WIPs for other fandoms but we'll see if they ever see the light of day. Previous fandoms include The Worst Witch 2019, Criminal Minds, plus a few one-shots in a few other fandoms. But those are the big ones.
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
Pearl Diving (hells yeah the Lesbians win again), A Night with the Queen, Veiled Truths, Chaos Thy Name is Circe, Survival Skills.
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Almost always...mainly because I feel extremely guilty if I don't (so if you have ever commented and didn't get a reply in return, don't worry. I still remember. It haunts me.) but also because I genuinely love geeking out with fellow fans. I legitimately have made some amazing friends (and also met the love of my life!) through conversations that started simply through fic comments.
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Oof...I definitely went through an angst phase so there are plenty of contenders. The Hunter's Remorse (24), Cassandra's Lament, The Unknown Known (both Battlestar Galactica), Walking Dictionary (Criminal Minds), Heart to Ashes to Stone (Game of Thrones), Long May We Reign (Reign), and Orbis Incognitus (The Walking Dead)
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
All That Glitters, Veiled Truths, Monstrous, pretty much anything I've written since about 2018ish.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
oh god. once, yes. in the Criminal Minds fandom. Granted, I pulled a surprise cliffhanger that, looking back, I would have breadcrumbed more--but I got SO MANY PEOPLE on ffnet screaming at me and generally being abusive because I *dared* to put a character in danger. it genuinely upset me so much that I stopped writing for a long time.
9. Do you write smut?
Absofuckinglutely.
10. Do you write crossovers?
I think once or twice? But I'm more of an AU kinda gal.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know of. But I did have someone lift very specific ideas from my fic (i.e. an AU where a certain character was given a very specific nickname and occupation, which another author then took and used in their own AU), and ngl, it made me feel hella weird. For the record, I wouldn't have minded it if they had simply put in the author's notes: "hey this idea was inspired by Mim, in her fic xyz". I didn't need them to come formally ask for permission or anything like that. But to see it in the wild and see readers commenting on their "originality" really put me off that writer as a person tbh (granted they're sus af for entirely other (worse) reasons too so this only solidified my feelings).
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Not that I know of. I have had readers who weren't fluent in English run my fics through translators for Arabic and French, which I thought was hella cool.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I don't think so? Honestly don't remember.
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
God. ALL TIME? Idk. I do love me a dynamic of "A thinks they're unlovable and B is the most patient and loving person alive", so definitely ships like Hackle and Cal/Eist are my top faves.
15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
Some of my old Criminal Minds stuff.
16. What are your writing strengths?
Characterization.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Pridefulness over my characterization. And also...I am a fucking calathea of mental health and creativity. Everything must be *just so* or I cannot write. No messy house, no loud noises, no stress, no sickness, no dishes in the sink, no work emails to answer, NADA. Otherwise we shrivel up and die. Fun stuff.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
I have, and knowing my insane ass, I most likely will again. Sometimes it's just fun. But ya gotta actually know the language and be 1000% certain about what you're saying.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Oh god. I think it was Cats. Yes. The musical.
20. Favourite fic you've ever written?
This is like asking a mother which child is her favorite 😅 I have a different relationship with each story, and love them each equally but in totally different ways. I will say that my favorites to re-read for comfort myself are: All That Glitters, Veiled Truths, Monstrous, and A Night with the Queen.
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
Tagged by @curufiin- thankies <3
How many works do you have on AO3?
Only 8 so far.
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
20,718 apparently
3. What fandoms do you write for?
The Silmarillion- it's been an ongoing obsession for approximately 7 years now lol.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Fretting, which is my first ever published fic, is at the top. I'm not super proud of it if I'm being honest but I'm glad others enjoyed it :P Then we've got Inside Out, Unbridled sword and passion, Take a chance and Stutter.
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I do try to reply to every comment! The fact that someone made time to tell me something nice about my works means the world to me.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Probably this one? None of my fics are fluffy so...
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
My recent Curufinrod fic, I think? It's less... gnarly and angst-driven?
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Fortunately no.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Considering that 6 out of those 8 fics are tagged as explicit, you can draw your own conclusions :P I write various flavours of kink :)
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
Nope!
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not to my knowledge.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
No, but certain fics that I wrote were inspired by conversations I had with other fandom members :3
14. What’s your all time favourite ship?
I'll go with the good ol' Angbang. I've recently become deeply invested in Curufinrod though, and I'll (hopefully) write for more pairings over the Christmas break.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
There's a very old draft of a multi-chaptered Angbang fic that's been gathering dust on my laptop for a year xD I might polish it up and post it at some point IF I find the motivation for it.
16. What are your writing strengths?
I guess I'm fairly good at descriptions and metaphors?
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Good pacing and finding the right balance between dialogue and narration are both pretty tricky for me.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I've never tried this but I find it exquisite in other people's fics :D
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Probably The Hobbit? But what I wrote is between me and god lmao.
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
I tend to be very critical of my own works, especially after I post them. I don't really re-read them so it's difficult for me to choose a favourite one when I can't recall half the things I wrote lol. But I was pretty proud of Beyond the pale back when I wrote it! My writing style changed over the years, I believe, so I'm pleased to see the improvement :)
Tagging @polutrope, @crackinthecup, @gardensofthemoon, @havenotwillnotreadthebooks, @i-did-not-mean-to and whoever wants to give this a go!
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ao3 fic tag game!
tagged by @nonamemanga @writerrose1998 @cosmic-lullaby @nouklea @therulerofallpotatos @insomniac1994 - thank you lovelies!! 🫶🏻✨
1. How many works do you have on AO3? 10! I think I used to have 20, but I orphaned a bunch of them
2. Whats your AO3 word count? 78,177
3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently, I only write for Wednesday (2022)
4. What are your Top 5 Fics by Kudos?
(Only linking my Wednesday fics. I don’t want to promote my old H*rry P*tter fics so I will name them, but not link them)
i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere
The Progression
even if it’s just pretend
you know that my train could take you home
no one can hurt you now
5. Do you repond to comments? Yes! I didn’t like 8 years ago, but I do now. I have met a lot of my friends through my comment sections, and I also just like to thank people for stopping by and sending me love!
6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Uhhhh no one can hurt you now is pretty angsty and bittersweet. I haven’t finished i was so ahead of the curve yet but rn it’s very angsty.
7. Whats the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Lol probably you know that my train could take you home *wink* *wink*
8. Do you get hate on fics? No, I’ve been very lucky on ao3! I did one time like 10 years ago on fanfic.net and that wasn’t fun. I just sometimes get demands for updates which isn’t “hate” but I would appreciate some patience sometimes…
9. Do you write smut? I dabble on occasion! I definitely don’t feel confident in that department yet so it’s something that I’m still working on.
10. Do you write cross-overs? Not currently, no. I did one time a very long time ago.
11. Have you ever had a fic translated? No, I one time gave someone permission to translate The Progression (I think into Russian?), but I don’t think it ever happened.
12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before? I have not because I’m afraid of being an unreliable co-writer lol
13. What is a WIP you would like to finish but doubt you ever will? I will never finish my HP wips and I have made peace with that
14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? Wyler babyyyyy
15. What are you writing strengths? I have been told that I’m really good at writing yearning 🤌🏻 And AUs are kinda my thing
16. What are your writing weaknesses? *sigh* I’m a perfectionist so I’m incredibly slow. I will write and rewrite a paragraph to death before I can move onto another one. It’s just not an efficient way to work, and I’m trying to move away from it and let myself write and then edit later. Dialogue tags sometimes bewitch me.
17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I respect and admire the hell out of anyone who writes anything in a language that is not their native tongue - all of you are rockstars! I only know English so I don’t see myself writing in another language (more than random words here and there anyway) unless I had a ton of assistance.
18. First fandom you wrote for? HP
19. Favourite fic you’ve ever written? i was so ahead of the curve fills me with immense pride, but I’m also overtly fond of even if it’s just pretend. I guess it’s a bit of a toss up. I also wrote (a loooong time ago) a semi smutty bodyswap HP fanfic that is so weird but I still love it haha.
20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day? I physically cannot allow myself to consider this as a real possibility lololol
Tagging (I’m trying to think of people I haven’t seen participate yet because I think so many already have!) @chaoticstupiddm @wednesdayandherhyde @katwitchwriting @onlyangelxo @leavesdriftinginthewind (if you don’t see yourself here and you haven’t been tagged yet please consider yourself tagged by me!)
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20 questions for fic writers
taking from @fivedayslater who tagged anyone for this, i'll also pass around to 'anyone who wants to answer these questions is effectively tagged' but also @lostlegendaerie, @sharpenote specifically.....
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
36! not too shabby considering i'm not super consistent about writing.
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
257,465! wow. jeez.
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Currently One Piece, historically Voltron.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
predictably: this is almost entirely Keith/Lance.
Stormchasing: Keith/Lance handcuffed together fic i tried to pace like an actual episode! posting early in the fandom’s lifecycle gave it staying power, lol.
The Hustle: Keith/Lance espionage/heist-ish fic i cowrote with a friend. Really fun premise, and it was fun to co-write something!
Good Grief: Keith/Lance 5+1. i don’t remember anything about this.
Tallies: Keith/Lance 5+1. look… i wrote a lot of these.
Interstate 80: It’s not Klance! Jean/Marco, roadtrip modern day AU. i wrote this as a teenager, and i do not think this holds up whatsoever, but i made a lot of close friends through this fic and i'm fond of it solely due to that, haha.
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
i try! i have like, a half-life where if a fic is more than a year old i probably won’t respond because i’ve probably forgotten anything interesting to say.
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Haha i wrote a hunger games AU for Attack on Titan? i don’t know what possessed me to take Jean Kirstein out of one horribly depressing canon and into another horribly depressing canon.
Outside of that, i tend to stick to relatively happy or neutral endings. Most recently, Time Turned Fragile probably has the angstiest ending but i’d classify it as bittersweet really, even though Sanji like. dies? look. don’t worry about it
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Uhhh??? this is harder to answer … Inaba’s Self-Appointed Cat Adoption Agency is a fic that is probably the fluffiest thing i’ve ever written and as such has the most feel-good fluffy ending as a result.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
not really! i’ve gotten a-bit-too-bold concrit in bookmark notes, but i wouldn’t really consider that hate.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Nah lol. (gestures to weaknesses answer) it is not my forte, and i’m not super interested.
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
not typically! I did write Turnabout Heart, which is a brief Persona 5 / Ace Attorney crossover, because I thought Sae being friends with Mia would be neat.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
ah, i found someone reposting my fic to wattpad once (username still attached). i just gently told them it was in bad form lol, it was wattpad in 2017 or so so I’m sure it was just some kid haha. they apologized and deleted it and their other stolen stuff so it’s all good.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope! Someone offered once, but never got back around to me.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Yes! The Hustle from above, and for better or for worst which was a fun last hurrah for Keith/Lance.
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
It’s really funny because i’ve never written for any of my all time ships lol. Ike/Soren is maybe my ship of all time. Keith/Lance i’m still stupidly fond of despite myself. i never even finished Voltron.
15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
this has historically been time loop fics, but I wrote two this year!!!!! Congrats to me!!
Currently i’ve been working on a Robin-centric Robin and Sanji roleswap fic, and while i have a good grasp on the emotional/plot arcs involved it is not easy to write Robin POV lol. i can only write characters who are more emotionally stupid than me. i keep chugging away at it though.
for one I know I'll never finish: I have a brief outline/scenes written for a Professor Sada/Robot Professor Sada (haha. lol. sorry.) fic that would be titled Stochastic Parent as a play on the machine learning term 'stochastic parrot', i.e. the principle that AI does not truly understand language, merely parrots it back to the user. i could not figure out how to write this without being on the nose.
16. What are your writing strengths?
Bizarrely i really like writing action scenes hahahaahaha. It’s one of the few scenes in fic i really fully visualize, so translating that is fun. emotions in a fight are fun too, i like writing fear.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
The main one: romance! More specifically though, physical intimacy. hilarious to write mostly romance fic and be bad at it. i’ve been actively avoiding writing kissing scenes for the last 10 fic or so. at this point i’m trying to see how long i can go without one.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
Think it’s incredibly neat to see but i don't think i'll ever do it. i feel like i need to return my linguist card for this answer....
19. First fandom you wrote for?
some different answers here: Fire Emblem (never finished or posted online), Harvest Moon (posted on deviantArt and deleted when i scorched my warrior cats username from the face of the earth), and Attack on Titan (first fic on ao3)
20. Favourite fic you've ever written?
All time it’s Dead Horizon. i got to write a lot of fun environmental storytelling and horror in that one, and I liked the emotional arc overall. i really like environments/settings in terms of storytelling, and i don’t get the chance to write much of that since i stick with shorter one shots typically. Still very, very fond of it.
Recent stuff it’s Same As It Ever Was. i’ve wanted to do a Once in a Lifetime themed timeloop for ages but I kept dropping the concept, until now! Finally I wrote a scene based off the ‘not my beautiful house, not my beautiful wife’ lyric! dream come true.
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Writer Asks
Thank you so much for tagging me @yletylyf @demonscantgothere @theriverwild @thrillofhope and @coraleethroughthelookingglass! Feeling the love! (and finally finding the time to do this haha :P)
How many works do you have on AO3?
17!
What's your total AO3 words count?
225,854 (the most I've ever written in a year in my LIFE)
What fandoms do you write for?
The Rings of Power. But starting to dabble in general Tolkienverse/Legendarium.
What are your top five fics by kudos?
- Your Blood, Your Power
- Made the Pieces Part of Me
- I Felt It Too
- The Blacksmith
- Barred
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Always (unless in a rare couple cases when I've had some odd or negative ones.) I think engaging with the readers is super important, and I love when I comment on other author's fics and they respond to me, so I happily do the same!
What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Hmmm that's a tough question. Probably my first piece 'I Felt It Too', even though I write a kiss into the infamous log scene, it still doesn't end happily for Haladriel. Feels!
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
I'd say maybe 'Shake Like the Bough of a Willow Tree' because it's a version of Haladriel's first time together and it ends with them just being happy and in love.
Do you get hate on fics?
So far I've been lucky to only receive two hateful comments (they weren't really hateful just misunderstood and harsh) on one of my fics. Basically they disagreed with something I made the 'reader' do in The Blacksmith and felt inclined to let me know. Was an interesting experience.
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Oh yes I write smut haha. I mostly write het smut but have written a little f/f and m/m stuff as well. The Blacksmith even has a m/f/f threesome in it! I don't mind writing darker stuff either, so you'll typically find blood, biting, and choking kinks in my smut too.
Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've written?
I don't yet write crossovers but I may dabble down the line. Never say never! My latest fic 'And Horror And Madness Walked' is sorta a crossover/mashup between TROP and The Silm, so that's as close as I've gotten.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not to my knowledge, nope.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope but totally open to it if someone ever wants to!
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
No I haven't, but if I ever did, I know exactly who I'd do it with - my partner in crime @pursuitseternal ❤️
What's your all time favourite ship?
Definitely Haladriel/Saurondriel. No ship has EVER compelled me to write so much.
What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
I have a Galadriel x Female Reader fic called 'Ensnared' I started a few months back that got put to the side when 'Your Blood, Your Power' took off. I would love to go back to it, mostly because I had a lot of fun writing the Gal x Fem Reader pairing in 'The Blacksmith', but I don't know when I will if ever. Hopefully one day.
What are your writing strengths?
Twists! haha. I love a good twist and have been told I'm quite good at writing them. I also write poetry so any chance I get to write more poetic sounding prose I absolutely love.
What are your writing weaknesses?
Sometimes I think my vocab needs expanding. Thesaurus.com is my best friend haha. I have a habit of reusing words I think. Also planning my fics. I need to get better at planning my fics. Somehow lol.
Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
The only instance I believe of me ever doing so was using some elvish in 'The Blacksmith'. That was fun. I love the creativity of using different languages in your story, it really helps with the immersion.
First fandom you wrote for?
It was never published of course, but when I was in early high school I wrote (and never finished) two Harry Potter reader insert fics. What I would give to read them back now hahaha. Bless 14 year old me.
Favourite fic you've ever written?
Oh boy this is tough... it has to be The Blacksmith. Only because I'm so proud of what I achieved with that story. The longest thing I've ever written (102k) and complete with twists and turns that I cannot even believe I conceived and wrote. Plus the response I got from those that read it was so damn nice and I still think about some of the reactions I got on it. And I literally have made friends for life because I wrote and posted that story. It changed EVERYTHING for me. I'm so proud of it and so thankful it exists.
Tagging (apologies if you've already done it): @pursuitseternal @heronamedhawks @gil-galadhwen @scriberated @youwearfinethingswellwriter @somebirdortheother @ichabodjane @klynnvakarian @90shaladriel @hazelmaines @myrsinemezzo @nenyabusiness @tmwillson3 @jhalya @hikarielizabethbloom
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20 Questions for Fic Writers Game
I was tagged by @agentplutonium who knows I absolutely despise tag games so I'm doing this out of spite.
I will not tag anyone because I don't know who to tag and don't want to but you can feel free to use this as an excuse to do it if you want.
1 - How many works do you have on AO3?
3 because I don't write often and I orphaned all my old fandom ones
2 - What's your total AO3 word count?
hhhhhh uhm... 5,403 because again, I don't write often. When I do it's just a one shot cause that's all I can commit to.
3 - What fandoms do you write for?
Redacted Audio, and you can't prove any other fandom /lh
4 - What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
I'm gonna rank these but I don't have enough so they all get featured, Get rekt losers.
#1 is Adventure of the Mates' Night Out. This is just a silly little one shot abt the Shaw Pack mates & Baabe being cool as heck B]
#2 is Family Gets Nicknames which is a short lil angst fic about Quinn taking Angel & Tank/Darlin' not being able to do anything about it. Technically it's unfinished but I wouldn't expect an update
#3 is The Stars Are Gone Now. It is my FAVOURITE AND YOU ALL ARE COWARDS FOR NOT LIKING IT/J. It's about Imp!Vega's death and Pet's grief. I love it more than life itself but it's pretty heavy and a lesser beloved pairing so I understand why it's not super popular.
5 - Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Sometimes, if I'm feeling silly
6 - What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Stars are gone now. Hands down. Pets stuck in Vega's room with no idea what's going on during the rebellion. The only solace they have is the lights on the ceiling which relieve them that Vega is still alive... until he's not. (family get's nickames is kinda sad too but it was written to be more panicky. I write a lot of angst because it helps me deal with my 🌟feelings🌟)
7 -What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Mates' Night Out!!! It ends with everybody being fine and Baabe being super sexy n cool but I should give a TW for mild violence, sexual harassment and swearing <3
8 - Do you get hate on fics?
Not as far as I know?
9 - Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Once when I was like 15 and then never again. I'm no good at it.
10 - Do you write crossovers?
Nope <3
11 - Have you ever had a fic stolen?
No?? I wouldn't know
12 - Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope <3
13 - Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Yes. In high school. On a twitter thread. With Pluto.
14 - What's your all time favorite ship?
I will die for Imp!Vega & Pet, I would give my life for Imp!Freelancer & Vindemiator, and I will kiss Gavin & Freelancer on their sweet little heads.
15 - What's a WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
I started writing this AU about Detective!Milo & Thief!Sweetheart that never made it past planning in gdocs but I think it would be cool to finish but I don't think I'll ever get there. There's also this one Playlist plotline I made because I wanted people to be able to see what I was thinking about when I listened to the songs. Making that into a finished fic would be cool but I don't have it in me. If you wanna read it, the link is here.
16 - What are your writing strengths?
I think my descriptions are my strong suit? I feel like my dialogue can be lacking but I feel good about my visualizations of scenes n stuff.
17 - What are your writing weaknesses?
Definitely making anything more than a one shot. I just don't have that level of commitment for something. When I write stuff it's because I'm in the moment and feeling what I'm writing. If I have to sit down and come back to it I lose my mojo.
18 - Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I'd feel way more comfortable doing if I or someone I knew understood/spoke the language. I don't trust google translate for that.
19 - First fandom you wrote for?
Listen. Wattpad was a place... where I wrote Good Omens things. BUT WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THE DARK TIMES.
20 - Favorite fic you've written?
THE. STARS. ARE. GONE. NOW. IT'S MY BABY, MY BELOVED, MY POOKIE DOODLE. AND I WORKED HARD ON IT. YOU SHOULD READ IT (If you wanna) AND THEN CRY ABT IT WITH ME. Or not, I don't really care /lh
okay thats all
#redacted audio#I hate these things#but also#sometimes I forget that people don't know I'm a triple threat (artist; amatuer VA; AND writer#anyways toodles!
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20 Fanfic Questions
I was tagged by @baronessblixen during the craziness of Fictober and I didn't get a chance to read her responses to her own questions until today. I also had the time to answer my own 20 questions. 😊
1. How many works do you have on ao3?
283
2. What's your total ao3 word count?
1,638,714. And the vast majority of those words have been written on my phone. I would say… about 95% of them. (Please imagine a blinking eye gif here, because whaaaaaat…😳)
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Mainly The X-Files, but I have written one for Sex Education and also a Mary Poppins story. (Bert and Mary were my first ship. I saw it in the movie theater in 1980 when I was five years old. Even that young, I had a little shipper heart because I wanted them to be together so badly.)
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Per Cor Meum
Soulmates
Shared Kisses
Green Is Not Your Color
After the Credits
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Yes and no. I used to be much better about it, but I so often don’t respond on ao3, but I do on social media outlets. I think it’s more the ease of it and the accessibility of a social media site. But I absolutely love and appreciate every single comment. I cry or laugh over them and always share them with my bestie. They make me incredibly happy. ❤️
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I don’t think I have any. I try to leave the story with a somewhat happy ending, or at least a hopeful one. That’s always my goal because… maybe there’s hope.
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Hmm… most of them. Like I said, I try to leave them hopeful and at least attempt happiness where it may not have been previously.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
I have before, but only a couple. The one that sticks with me the most though was from an anonymous person who left a comment that said when an idea is discussed on social media and a story is suggested to be written about said discussion, I’m always quick to get a story out, before giving others a chance to do the same. So as a result, I’m a horrible person who writes “insipid” stories just to say I did it first and “you just… you SUCK at it.”
When I first read that, it hurt for sure, because it made the time I spent writing a story that immediately popped into my head and would not stop begging for my attention, seem trivial and small. It made me feel as though my writing was inconsequential and I should stop wasting my time doing it. It put a dark cloud over me for a wee bit, but then I got past it, though it still sticks in the back of my head there and I think about it from time to time. But I’m still here and still writing stories, almost at 300 now, so whoever wrote that can go ahead and get fucked. ✌
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Yes I do, but not always. And I suppose by kind, it means mild or hardcore, so I would say somewhere in between. 😂
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
No. I’ve not done that as of yet.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Stolen, no. But I was approached by someone about the dialogue that I used in a story being similar to what they had written in their own story. But as I pointed out to them, it was the dialogue from the show itself, so…
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
I don’t think so.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I have a few times! It’s fun and I enjoyed working with all the writers.
14. What's your all-time favorite ship?
Mulder and Scully for sure. I adore them so much.
15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
I have a couple that I do want to finish so badly, I just need to do it. So, I’m going to choose to say, please continue being patient with me. 😊
16. What are your writing strengths?
Humor, I think. And banter. I love writing fun dialogue and imagining the way it would be said for real.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
I think, without sounding like I’m being pompous, and also because I've been told by a few people, I’m pretty good at creating a story a person can fall into, imagine and enjoy. So, I think my personal weakness is sticking to one story until it’s done, although I’m better about it now than I was in the past. At least I think so. 😊
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
I would be nervous to do it, wanting it to be perfect. If I did, I would seek out help from a native speaker so I would then get it right and not just rely on the translation feature.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
The X-Files
20. Favorite fic you've ever written?
Soulmates ❤️ I spent over a year on that story, off and on, and then six months of writing it every day, with other stories created in between. It’s the one I’m most proud of and the longest one I’ve ever written.
I'm tagging @tofuttim @agent-troi and anyone else who feels like playing.
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