#i originally wanted to do one with him and jesse too but i got lazy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wtchwtch · 2 years

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TT006_Transcript

TT006: A Different Kind of Mom

This is a fanmade transcript, please let me know if you see any errors.

TT006

(Intro music)

(Tape recorder sounds)

D: This is entry number 006. Original exchange is dated November 5th, 2001. Author is Jesse S. Original recording by-

Jesse: Maybe you should read this one.

D: Oh, What? Why?

Jesse: Isn't he going to get suspicious? Aren't you supposed to be doing the recording today?

D: Babe, it's fine.

Jesse: You sure?

D: Jesse? It's fine. I'm not even sure if he's gonna listen to the recording before posting it.

Jesse: What do you mean?

D: I mean, I don't know. He's just been kind of weird since we started. I mean, we jumped out the gate like super enthusiastically. Everyone was real excited. Cole was micromanaging every little piece of it. Tearing out his hair, trying to get it right and snapping at Mark and me left and right, but uh. But after the first week, it feels like he's just kind of dumped it on Mark and I, and he is, he's phoning in it.

Jesse: How so?

D: I don't know. It's like, it's like he doesn't care. Like when I'm asking him why he wasn't recording the other day, he told me he had an appointment. I mean, that's fair. I mean, he can have appointments, but honestly, it was the most unconvincing lie I've ever heard.

Jesse: What do you think it really was? Just, being lazy?

D: I don't know, honestly. I mean, I've known him for a long time, but he seems more, I don't know, spread thin these days? Like, like he hasn't had a good sleep in like way too long.

Jesse: Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe he's just stressed.

D: Maybe.

Jesse: Did he ever say anything?

D: What do you mean? Like, Like did he get mad at me for slipping your story into the recordings?

Jesse: Yeah.

D: Nah, I don't think he noticed.

Jesse: So he didn't say if he thought it was good or not?

D: No, I mean, not to me at least.

Jesse: Okay. I mean, that's fine.

D: I'm sorry. I know you were excited.

Jesse: Oh, it's fine. No, no. I'm, I'm still so excited to hear when it goes live. I was really proud of that story about the ouija board. I think people are gonna love the twist.

D: Oh yeah. It'll be really cool. They're gonna love it.

Jesse: Yeah. I hope so. So do we re-record the intro and then I just read it like last time?

D: Before we do that, I mean, I just... I wanted to say I'm, I'm really proud of you and, uh, I think you're really cool, Jesse.

Jesse: Oh, thanks. You're pretty cool too. For a loser who records a horror podcast in your friend's shed

D: (Laughing) No, no. I'm seriously, I'm not joking. I, I really do think you're like a special kind of person, you know? I mean, you know what you want, you just keep working and working at this writing thing. I don't know. You have like, I, I don't know. I don't think you have anything to worry about. I mean, like ever.

Seriously, No. No matter what happens with us, you're just like, you're really talented and, and kind. I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I just, I think you got a really bright future ahead of you, you know.

Jesse: Thanks, D. That's really sweet of you.

D: Yeah. So, um, let's, should we,

Jesse: Yeah!

D: Let's do this?

Jesse: We should.

D: All right. This is entry number 006. Original exchange is dated November 5th, 2001. Author is Jesse S. Original recording by Jesse S.

(Tape recorder sounds)

Jesse: My mom is not like other moms. I mean it. She's not like other moms. She was an only parent, so she had to be both mom and dad. She's the bravest woman I know, and the smartest, and honestly, I think she could do anything. Like literally anything she sets her mind to. When I was seven, which is late, I know she taught me how to ride a bike. When I was nine, she built me a tree house. When I was 11, she worked two jobs so I could get braces and go to summer camp, and somehow she always managed to pick me up from school on time. I told her I'd take the bus, but she would just laugh at me and tell me it's her job to take care of me, and not my job to take care of her.

She said that every time I'd try to help. Sometimes I would cry for her because I'd be overwhelmed on her behalf, at how much she had on her plate and she had so much to do all the time that it stressed me out. But not my mom, cuz my mom isn't like other moms. I used to tell my friends that she wasn't human, that she was something else, like an alien or a vampire, and she'd eat small rodents like rabbits that came to chew on the lettuce in our garden.

Oh yeah! We also had an incredible garden. If the sun was shining, we had vegetables. I asked her once what her secret was, and she just smiled, tapped the side of her nose, looked down at me and said, "Bone meal."

Like I said, my mom was not like other moms. There was always something she was doing, and yet she managed to sit down and enjoy an old, scary movie in black and white with me on Friday nights when I'd asked her to.

She didn't complain or kiss me on the forehead and tell me, not now. She never got mad at me for needing attention or asking for help. She always had time to solve my problems, even when I didn't ask her to.

I was 12 at the time and she was hosting an over the top summer barbecue for all the neighbors. It was a free for all, all you can eat, fun in the sun kind of day. And once again, because it was my mom, who isn't like other moms, it was perfect and over the top and the kind of barbecue the neighbors would be talking about for weeks. My mom even had games, face painting, and balloons for the kids. It would have been perfect, but the day was completely ruined. She'd hired a clown for the day.

Googoo, the clown. God, I hated Googoo with every fiber of my being. I hated him. Who names themselves Googoo The Clown. It's not funny or cute. It's just a dumb name. More than dumb, though, it was terrifying. I was scared of Googoo. In fact, I was scared of all clowns. I always had been, and my mom knew that. I was so mad at her.

I stomped right up to her and pointed to Googoo, but she just laughed. Walked over to Googoo and had him stand on the far edge of the barbecue, away from the games and the face painting and balloons. It wasn't the perfect solution, I could still feel him staring at me, but it was far enough away that I wouldn't cry or embarrass myself.

The day came to a close and everyone thanked my mom, as the other moms stashed away the leftovers they could in their pockets, and the other dads and to be fair, some of the moms too hit up the drink cooler one last time before hitting the road. When everyone was nearly gone. My mom grabbed me by the hand and took me to the garden.

First she pointed at the carrots. "Remember your aunt Martha, she wouldn't want you to be afraid of a silly clown." Next, she pointed at the eggplant. "And that old man who used to live a ways down the street, Mr. McCumber, he always thought you were a tough little cookie. He wouldn't want you to be afraid of a silly clown either."

Again, she pointed to the cucumbers, but at that moment, Googoo, walked around the side of the house, half smeared and melted from sweat. Oh God, it was terrible. I felt my skin crawl. "200 for the day, cash only." He said abruptly. My mom didn't let his rude tone offend her, she's not like other moms. She just smiled and put up a finger letting him know she'd just be a moment longer.

She placed her hands on my shoulders and looked me square in the eyes. "I think I'll grow some corn next," she said as she pointed to an empty garden bed near the back of the garden. "I've been craving sweet corn on the cob, and I think it'll be a long summer, so we might just have time." She continued. "And you know what goes well with corn on the cob, don't you?" A knowing mischievous grin danced across her face. "Don't worry, honey, there's nothing to be afraid of. Clowns at the end of the day, are just regular folks who taste like any other person."

My mom is not like other moms. I mean it.

(Tape recorder sounds)

D: After concluding my listening of this story... Uh,

Cole: What the hell is this?

D: Cole! Hey, whoa. Hey,

Cole: D, who- D, who is this?

D: Um, I mean this is, uh,

Cole: Look at me. Who the hell are you?

Jesse: I'm, uh,

Cole: Well?

Jesse: I'm sorry. It's just you're scaring me a little.

D: She's my! ...girlfriend.

Cole: She's your what?

D: Her name's Jesse and she's my girlfriend. Is that gonna be a problem?

Cole: I, uh, I didn't know you had a girlfriend.

D: Yeah. Well I do. So is that gonna be an issue?

Cole: Uh, no. No, of course not.

D: Cool. Good.

Cole: Uh, hey, listen, I, um, I'm really sorry about that, uh. Yeah, I'm, I'm really sorry about that. Uh, just, uh, just now.

Jesse: It's fine, really, I shouldn't even be here.

D: No, you're fine being here, babe.

Cole: Yeah, no, you're, uh, yeah, you're more than welcome here. I, uh, I'm, I, uh, I'm sorry. I just wasn't expecting anyone. Um, hey, listen, I'm, I'm really sorry about that...

D: Man, why don't, why don't you just sit down and take a deep breath and tell me what's going on with you lately.

Cole: I, Uh, I, I probably should, shouldn't I?

D: Yeah.

Cole: Uh, do you, do you, um, do you mind?

D: Oh, oh yeah, right.

(Tape recorder sounds)

Mark: Tiny Terrors is an anthology horror podcast produced by Pulp Audio and licensed under a creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharealike 4.0 international license.

D: This episode was directed by Cole Weavers with sound production and editing by Mike LeBeau.

Mark: To find additional information or to join our Patreon for additional content and ad free episodes, visit our website, www.tinyterrorspod.com.

D: Follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook at Tiny Terrors Pod,

Mark: Or join the Pulp Audio discord by clicking the link in the description below.

D: Rate and review us on Spotify and Apple.

Mark: And finally, thanks for listening.

#tiny terrors #tiny terrors podcast #tt transcript

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kimodraw · 3 years

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birthday boy!!

#supernatural #supernatural fanart #spn #spn fanart #sam winchester #bobby singer #dean winchester #castiel #eileen leahy #birthday sunday #i had things to work on but birthday boy..........dear to me #i originally wanted to do one with him and jesse too but i got lazy #oh my god also wincesters if you even fucking LOOK at this post i will beat you to death with my hooves #i will travel back in time have sex with both your parents and break up their relationship thus preventing you were ever born

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allisonreader · 2 years

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Oooh! I’m sad to admit I haven’t read any of your works, but… ⭐️?

MuWaha ha ha… I’m using this as an excuse to talk about Tales Of A Frozen Sailor [Master list link] in general (aka the idea of how it started), since it’s not done yet, but also because I probably would have made this post eventually anyways.

So, Tales Of A Frozen Sailor actually started out as a fan fiction idea. One that was not related to James Cameron’s Titanic, though that is counted as a cannon movie in universe still. No. Tales Of A Frozen Sailor actually started out as a Pixar Cars AU (humanized characters) crossover with Captain American that my friend and I started discussing about the time that Endgame came out.

The Titanic AU had already been around for awhile (after I had read a fictional story on the Titanic one summer and was like… hey, to my friend, so when I was up at the lake I read this book… now I’m thinking about how a Titanic AU would work). We both got really into it. Then Endgame came out a while later and again I was going; hey, what if in the Titanic AU, Jess pulled a Cap? What if she was frozen and brought up, but when it was realized that Cap was able to be unfrozen, people thought that maybe she might have a chance. She doesn’t look much worse than Steve did, but the question being is it actually possible since she doesn’t have super soldier serum flowing through her.

So originally all versions of Tales Of A Frozen Sailor were known as "Jess Pulls A Cap" between my friend and I. Though I knew I couldn’t continue to call it that. So out came the brainstorm list until the right title came up.

When I got Team Tolkien in The Inklings Challenge, I knew the time travel aspect of it my friend and I had discussed would work really well for it. Having some of the ground work was supposed to help speed up the writing process, and I mean I haven’t done bad, it’s just turned out much longer than I thought I’d be able to do it in. Anyways, getting a little off track. Since the challenge was supposed to focus on original fiction, I knew I had to strip away the fan fiction parts, which really wasn’t that hard. It was just ignoring/stripping out the Avengers characters that my friend and I had talked about, which had mainly been Steve, Tony and Pepper. The Cars parts were minimal already because of the changes in time period already, as well as genderbent characters. I’m borrowing more of my friend’s OCs more than actual Cars characters and some of those my friend and I came up with together, at least these versions of them.

Though I was a little bit lazy with not changing the names from how my friend and I always talked about them. But part of that is because changing the names would make them feel like too different of people for this story and I didn’t want that.

There are definitely times where I wish and feel like it would be easier to just paste in direct bits of conversation that my friend and I have had. There’s so much that we have talked about in conversation that will just never translate fully into a full written out piece. Or things that I like better when we first came up with them and I feel like I can’t recapture that one particular feel from it.

Part of that also comes from stripping out Steve, Tony and Pepper. Because there was some wonderful banter between Jess and Tony when they met. Jess very much being able to hold her own against him, while she and Steve connected because they are the only two at first who ever really shared such an experience as they had.

So yeah. Thanks for asking. I’ve been absolutely dying to explain where this idea for Tales Of A Frozen Sailor for ages. As much as I feel like it’s also a little bit like cheating for The Inklings Challenge, just because it does have such strong ties to fan fiction. While at the same time, unless you’ve read nurfhurdur's Hard Enough Left fic, the only noticeable tie to the Cars franchise is the last name Hudson and perhaps Piston.

#titanic #tales of a frozen sailor #answered asks

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buckstaposition · 3 years

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La Bañadera

inspired by this brilliant idea by the brilliant and wonderful @opheliaelysia so Jess, this is for you 🥰

Javier Peña x reader oneshot

summary: Javi comes home from work stressed and exhausted, so you run him a bath to help him relax

tags/warnings: intimacy, softness, non-sexual nudity, a wee bit of suggestive flirting/banter because it’s Javi, kisses

words: 1473

La Bañadera

You attribute it to the fact that you’ve gotten to know each other better than either of you intended. Because whatever this thing between the two of you is, it means you can hear from the sound of his voice how beat he is. And it means he knew you’d be at his place, thanks to the spare key he’d slipped into your hand a while back ‘just in case’. And it means he’d thought to call, to warn you that he’d be late tonight – ‘half an hour tops’ – really not so long as to be cause for concern in his job, but he’s been brought up right and he’s thoughtful when it counts.

‘Don’t worry about it’ you’d said into the pause of his earnest contrition, a plan already forming in your mind.

The sun is bathing the horizon in deep pinks and purples when the door clicks open. You shut off the tap and rise, peeking your head out of the bathroom with a soft smile. Javi looks even worse than he sounded, shoulders tense and still walking with the slightest limp after the foot chase after Franklin Jurado. ‘I think I might bet getting too old for this’ he’d said after he’d come back from that, trying to conceal the pain as always. You’d spotted it though. You feel like something has aligned your perception and narrowed it to all things concerning Javier Peña.

“Hey.” His voice is just a tired rasp at this point. He sways, but his lips still search for yours when you step close to push the suit jacket from his sloping shoulders. “Sorry about dinner.”

You shush him with a quick peck, wave away those petty concerns as you undo the tie that he hates having to wear. The first button of his shirt is already undone; it always is. He toes off his shoes at the same time you pull the tie out from his shirt collar and sags against you, just the slightest bit. Cups your cheek, the tips of his long fingers curling almost around the back of your neck. Smiling still, you turn your head to kiss his palm, his fluttering pulse thrumming under his wrist.

“Come,” you say simply and lead him back to the bathroom. It’s not especially nice or spacious, but there is a tub and you’ve tried to set the mood with some candles and soft music. The tub sits there, steaming and expectant under its blanket of bubbles.

He huffs out a small burst of a laugh, raising his brows at you. “I didn’t forget something, did I? Anniversary or birthday or-“

“You’d forget your own birthday, you big oaf.” You scold him gently as you push him to sit on the closed toilet lid. He’s swaying so much with exhaustion he probably doesn’t even notice it anymore. You start with the buttons on his shirt sleeves, small and fiddly. “It’s nothing special but you need a break. To relax a bit, even just for a night, okay?”

He hums. Lets himself be handled like a ragdoll as you undress him. His eyes fall closed – another testament to his exhaustion.

“Smells nice.” His voice is so quiet now you barely catch it over the rustling of clothes and the soft crooning of the stereo. “Lavender?”

“It’s the bubble bath you gave me for my birthday.” You explain softly. Yes, he’d forget his own birthday, but not yours. And it’s not like you two have anything like an anniversary. For that to be the case you’d have to admit that there was something between you, would have to put a name on this fragile, intangible thing you have.

“Get in, I’ll be right back.” He pouts a bit but obliges you. Gathers his long limbs and climbs into the tub with minimal sloshing. When you come back, stool in hand, he’s sitting in the water, his back a tense sloping curve. It’s then that you abandon your original plan and take off your sleep shorts. Contemplate for a moment before the tank top joins them. Javi cracks open one eye, never too tired to appreciate the sight of you in nothing but your underwear.

“Oh, you joining me?” He winks, tongue swiping over his bottom lip absent-mindedly. Any other time you’d be more than happy to indulge, but tonight is about him alone. You roll your eyes playfully.

“Scoot.” You order, swinging one leg over the edge of the tub. He obliges you, always obliges you. You climb onto the ledge at the head end of the tub that’s only just wide enough for you to sit, squished to the wall and keeping your legs wide enough that he can comfortably fit his broad shoulders between them. He catches your hand, kisses the knuckles as he leans back, letting his head pillow on your thigh. The tub is too small and his knees poke out, or his feet, but you make do. The water is hot and already you can feel him melt into it, muscles loosening up. You help the process along by digging your thumbs into the rigid muscle at the base of his neck, making you both groan from how hard you have to press to have any effect.

“Fucking hell Javi, when did you last relax?” You’re starting to feel it in your arms now, how you have to work at kneading away his tensions and stresses. Still, you do it gladly knowing you’re doing something good for him. Your hands fan out the whole width of his coiled shoulders that bear so much.

“Uuh… 1986 I think.” He mumbles, eyes closed and one large hand wrapped around your ankle under the water, rubbing gentle circles into your skin.

You sigh. His self-deprecation is a topic for another day, and it punches you out of left field suddenly, just how much you care about him. His well-being. His happiness. It punches the air right out of you with its sudden clarity. Unaware, he tilts his head to press a lazy kiss to your knee, and all you can do is focus on the way the water droplets pearl across his collar bones, collect in the hollow of his throat.

“You’re thinking very loudly.”

“And you’re not supposed to be thinking at all.” You chide him gently. “Could you hand me those?” You gesture at the pitcher and shampoo bottle you’d prepared beforehand and placed for when you’d planned to sit on the stool beside the tub. From your current position you can’t reach them without some wild contortions, but Javi swipes them up easily, handing the items to you.

You cup the back of his neck, encouraging him to lean back, then dip the plastic pitcher in the warm water. He sighs when you let it run over his hair, body sagging just that final bit further into the bath. You take your time thoroughly wetting his dark curls, then lathering the shampoo through them. Let your nails scratch lightly, especially at that spot right behind his ear that makes him purr like some big tomcat in the perfect spot of afternoon sunlight. He’s gone almost completely boneless now, just floating in the slowly cooling water. Even the slow caress of your ankle has ceased, though he still holds it ever so lightly. He’s so handsome, his striking profile in the golden glow of the candles, that permanent pinch between his brows finally dissipated. If not for the way his mouth curves up in the tiniest of content smiles you’d think he had fallen asleep. You think it might be close to that. You lean down, press a kiss to his brow, to his cheek, then the other, the tip of his nose, and finally his lips, not caring that shampoo gets on your chest. That’s why you’d taken your top off, after all.

“Almost done.” You murmur, and Javi gives only the softest hum in acknowledgement. Gently, you rinse the shampoo from his hair, taking care to massage through the strands until it’s all out. He’s completely pliant in your hands, trusting to a fault, but you’d never betray that. It’s hard earned and you only want good things for him.

“Come on now.” You reach for the fluffy towels you’d set aside earlier, only half-unintentionally tickling his side with your toes as you do. He jumps a bit, pinning your leg to his side with one long arm on instinct.

“Oh, you’re trouble.” Now he’s got both your legs in his grip and a dangerous glint in his half-lidded eyes. Just one tug and you’d be down in the water yourself.

“Don’t you dare.” You dangle the smaller of the towels in front of him. “Why don’t you dry off and I’ll show you just how much trouble I can be.”

---

taglist: @thewayofthemandalorian @opheliaelysia @cinewhore @heatherbel

@agirllovespancakes @pascalisthepunkest @aasimarr @knittingqueen13

@thirstworldproblemss

#narcos (tv)#narcos #narcos fanfic #javier pena x reader #javier pena #oneshot #my writing #bathtub collection

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eyayah-oya · 3 years

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Was wondering if you had an opinion on an aspect of TBB - the chips and choices. Most of what I know of TBB is from Tumblr, but I gather Howzer decided what the Empire was ordering them to do was wrong, and talked some number of other clones into agreeing with him. Crosshair got his chip out but decided he liked the Empire better than his brothers. An article described this as "Star Wars has always been about people's choices." But if a clone can choose to disobey, to think, to choose, (1/2)

This is an excellent question and thank you for sending it it to me.

The main overall theme of Star Wars is Hope (which I personally think TBB is lacking, but that's me so take my opinion with a healthy dose of salt) but one of it's other themes is that of Choices. In the Original Trilogy, it's Luke's choice to talk to Vader and then Vader's choice to turn on the Emperor. Han chooses to return and help Luke destroy the first Death Star. Luke chooses to go with Ben instead of staying on Tatooine. Leia chooses to fight instead of remain a politician. Etc. The Prequel Trilogy continues this theme with Anakin's choices leading up to his Fall.

The issue of Choice in TBB is interesting to think about. I do not like the idea of the clones willingly betraying the Jedi. There might be some that would be willing to, based on various appearances in TCW, the novelizations, and fanon, but it would be very difficult to convince me that Cody or Bly or even Gree would voluntarily try to kill their Jedi. Let alone someone like Rex or Jesse who was extremely close with Ahsoka and would never voluntarily hurt her. And I doubt Appo would want to kill the younglings in the Temple.

Which leads to some very interesting possibilities for Howzer, the Bad Batch, Grey, and Crosshair. (This is going to be a long post, so more under the cut)

First, Howzer. I thought about the issue of his chip when the episode first aired and this is what I came up with for Howzer:

I don't think Howzer had a Jedi. The way Cham and Eleni trust Howzer so completely would not happen if they watched Howzer and his men kill their General. I think they were one of the Jedi-less companies that worked directly with General Syndulla. (It makes sense from Palpatine's perspective, too, since he needs the Jedi to be involved in the war to wear them down. They would be a bit safer stationed on Ryloth indefinitely.) Ryloth is in the Outer Rim Territories, on the edge of Hutt space, and so news of the Empire and what the Empire was doing would not make it out there. As far as Howzer and his men were aware, the Empire was just the Republic under a new name and with Palpatine gaining even more power (big surprise to everyone involved). It's not until they see what's going on with the refinery and how Hera is treated that Howzer realizes that things aren't right. Especially when they were tasked with hunting down Gobi and his followers.

Howzer's chip was never activated and neither was his men's. That's why his speech was effective for some of them. For the others, I think it would be difficult for them to defy and betray the very institution they fought and died to protect. They were able to choose for themselves.

Crosshair, however, is another thing entirely. I'll admit, I haven't watched either finale episodes, but I've seen a lot of spoilers to get an idea of what happened. That being said, if I got anything wrong, let me know.

Crosshair's chip was removed at some point (not sure if it really was with the Empire or if the Bad Batch removed it) but he had the opportunity to work with the Empire. And for some people, the Empire is great. We've seen that with Admiral What's-His-Face that was one of the villains in this season, Tarkin, the hundreds of Imperial officers, and the thousands of Stormtroopers and other soldiers that went to the Imperial Academy. Crosshair feels betrayed by the Batch and has found his purpose with the Empire. He made his choice. (I personally think it is ridiculously lazy writing but I've also thought that about the entire show so far. Lazy writing and poor characterization.)

The other clones, however, are probably a mix of being under the chip's control and being free. The ones who had Jedi are controlled and the others are monitored closely to make sure they're loyal to the Empire. But the longer the Empire rules and the more Stormtroopers start filtering in and the more atrocities they're forced to commit, the more the clones will be likely to rebel. A clone rebellion is very likely in the future and I would be very interested in that plot. BUT. This also leads to the possibility of both a clone rebellion as well as Purge Trooper Cody.

One last comment on TBB. I think it's really weird that Echo still had his chip. It doesn't make any sense. The whole point of the Bad Batch's chips not working at first was because they were created different. Echo is a reg. Echo's chip should have activated instead of Crosshair's. It would make more sense and I just want you to imagine how terrifying it would be to have Echo hunting down the Bad Batch. They would not be able to hide on Ord Mantell, that's for sure. Echo would be one step ahead of them and they'd barely be able to escape. Also imagine how horrible it would be for Rex to see Echo being controlled for the second time in his life. I plan on writing a one-shot with Imperial Echo at some point.

TLDR: Clone chip activation depended on Jedi presence and TBB has really lazy illogical writing that isn't consistent.

#tbb spoilers #tbb meta #tbb salt #the bad batch #captain howzer #tbb crosshair #tbb echo

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tlou2holland · 4 years

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Joel x reader ( Pt 8 )

Summary: Dina and Ellie come over for a movie night

warnings: none, slight cursing

You can read the previous parts here

To say the following weeks have been stressful, is an understatement. You packed all your stuff, realizing its more than originally calculated. Joel pulled a muscle in his back while helping you and couldn’t move properly for at least a week. Dina and Ellie messed with your stuff and laughed at your secret stuffed animal collection that now wasn’t so secret anymore. Maria and Tommy came over for dinner as soon as Joels home became your home too, and you had to cook for someone else for the first time in your life. You burnt your finger and poured way too much salt onto the meat, making it almost uneatable. Nevertheless, you loved every minute of your new life. Not that everything drastically changed, but you found yourself getting used to sleeping next to someone that snores and almost crushes you in their sleep. You came to like the lazy mornings in bed, and late evenings on the porch. You don´t mind sharing your private space with someone else, and miss Joel terribly when he’s not around. You never thought you’d be able to say this, growing up in a literal apocalypse, but you settled down. Found a place to feel safe and comfortable and a person to call your home. Is this how people used to live before everything went to shit? You wonder.

Tonight would be another night were you’d experience what a normal life used to be like. Ellie and Dina are coming over for a movie night, and you watch Joel as he excitedly prepares some snacks. It’s been months since Ellie actually talked to Joel more than she’s been forced to, but she slowly starts to come around again. You think it’s because of Dina, she has a positive impact on Ellie. Now that the two are officially together as well, life in Jackson almost seems cliché like. So much happiness feels too good to be true. “What got you smiling like that?“ Joel nudges you with your hip and you turn to look at him, dropping the knife in your hand. “Nothing in particular.“ You hand him a piece of the carrot you’ve been cutting and eat one yourself. “It´s the first time you’re hanging out with Dina, right?“ You ask, swinging your carrot in front of Joels face. He chuckles and eats the piece you gave him, sliding a bowl over to you. “Yeah, I mean she’s not my friend. A bit too young for that.“ Joel gives you a funny look and you scratch the carrots from your cutting board into the bowl. “It´s like a double date.“ You giggle and clean the knife with some water. “A weird double date, but still.“ Joel rolls his eyes at you and carries the snacks into the living room, his boots clinging against the hardwood floor. “Don´t remind me.“ He grumbles but you barely hear him. After you finish cleaning up, you join him in the living room and adjust some pictures on the shelves. Joel found an old polaroid a couple of weeks ago and it was still working, so you took pictures with your loved ones and framed them to decorate your home. The one with Ellie, Dina and Jesse you like the most. You are all sitting on the bench, Jesse´s arm around your shoulder while Dina gives Ellie and you bunny ears with her fingers. You smile into the camera and even Ellie laughs, showing off her white teeth. You have more pictures upstairs, private ones, and bite your lip as you think about them. Joel made you pose in your prettiest underwear, sprawled out on your bed, hands reaching towards the camera with a big grin on your face. You were embarrassed at first, but Joel loves the picture and keeps it with him at all times. He said it’s his little reminder of you for when he’s gone on patrol, and you couldn’t help it but laugh at that. You took pictures of him as well, tho. You like the one where he sits on the porch, guitar on his lap and a steaming mug next to him. He was so lost in his playing that he didn’t even realize you took a picture until he saw the bright flash. Another one was taken when you and Joel where cooking together. Tommy visited you two and secretly snapped the picture when Joel was hugging you from behind, a huge smile on both of your faces. “You´re not moving them around again, are you?“ Joels gruff voice pulls you out of your thoughts and you look at him confused. “Huh?“ Your hands fall next to your sides and Joel nods his head towards the frames. “You moved them around at least fife times. You still don’t like the way they look?“ He leans himself against the staircase railing, arms crossed. “Oh no, I was just looking at them.“ You step away from the shelves and push past him to go upstairs. “You should change as well.“ You say over your shoulder as you feel Joels eyes on you. “What´s wrong with what I’m wearing?“ He follows you and swats your bum, making you climb the steps faster. “Your shirt smells, old man.“ You jokingly pull a face and Joel grabs you from behind, trapping you in his arms. “Joel!“ You grab onto the railing and try to break free but Joel simply turns you around and holds your face against his chest. “mmh you smell that?“ He asks, chest vibrating with every word. You scream with laughter and wiggle in his grip, hair getting static from all the friction. “Eww you’re disgusting!“ You tickle his sides to make him let go of you, and dodge out of his arms when he goes to hold his sides. “I just wanted to give you some love, baby.“ He opens his arms for you but you quickly walk into your shared bedroom, shaking your head. “Nah-ah. You can give me love after you put a clean shirt on.“ You pull your own sweater over your head and change into a new one that still smells strongly of soap. “I´ll take you by your word.“ Joel picks your old sweater up from the floor and puts it into the bathtub along with his shirt. A small pile has collected and you groan when you think about having to wash it tomorrow. “Is this smelling alright for you?“ Joel throws his green shirt at you and you fist the material in your hands. “this will do.“ You walk up to him and rest your hands against his chest, briefly playing with the hairs there before leaning up on your toes and kissing him. “and now get ready, we don’t want Ellie and Dina walking in on that, do we?“ Your hand wanders down Joels stomach and he exhales at your touch. “Yes ma´am.“ He quickly pecks your lips and you walk down again, lazily playing with the strings of your hoodie. You look outside and see a thick layer of snow covering the ground, new flakes falling down at a rapid speed. Thinking about all the winters you had to spend outside without a proper roof under your head, you shiver and wrap your arms around yourself. “You don´t hear them knocking?“ Joel skips past you and you break out of your haze, following him to the door. Dina and Ellie come inside, stomping their shoes against the threshold to keep the snow outside. You quickly shut the door behind them to keep the cold air out, and take their jackets to hang them onto your wardrobe. “Next time you’re coming to one of us, outside its fucking cold.“ Dina shakes her arms and Ellie rubs her hands together, blowing into them. “Don´t worry, we have some blankets for you.“ You wave your hand and guide them to the living room, Joel following closely behind. You point to the couch and hold your hands in front of you. “Sit, I’ll get you something to drink.“ You gesture to the empty seats and are about to turn around when Joel kisses your temple. “Sit with them, I’ll get the drinks.“ Ellie awkwardly watches the interaction and loudly plumps down onto the cushions. Dina giggles and sits down next to her, quickly covering the both of them with a blanket and looking at you. “Thank you.“ You smile at Joel and take a seat at the other couch, feet moving to rest on the coffee table in front of you. “help yourselves.“ You gesture to the snacks and Dina sequels when she spots the cookies you made. “God it’s been ages since I last had cookies!“ She reaches into the bowl and gets two, handing one to Ellie. You laugh at your friends eagerness and take one yourself, liking how sweet they taste. “You still like hot cocoa?“ Joel returns from the kitchen and holds four steaming mugs in his hands, talking to Ellie. Her eyes widen and she takes one from Joel. “Shit Joel, where’d you get that?“ She sniffs at the liquid and watches Joel as he gives another mug to Dina and you. “Well, there’s this store on our new patrol route. They still had the powder. It’s long expired, but powder can’t get bad right?“ He takes a sip and curses slightly when he burns the tip of his tongue. You stifle a laugh and blow on it before drinking from your mug, licking your lips afterwards. “You know when I last had this?“ Ellie raises her mug and shakes her head. “It´s been years, I don’t care if its expired or not.“ Ellie shyly looks at Joel and he clears his throat. “I´m glad that you like it.“ Joel presses his lips together and you happily cuddle into his side, throwing a blanket over the two of you. “What movie are we watching?“ Dina rests her head against Ellies shoulder and Joel stares at Ellie and her blushed cheeks, so you elbow him. “Curtis and Viper 4.“ You push yourself away from Joel to grab the remote and turn the TV on. “Sounds old.“ Dina laughs and Ellie lowers her mug from her lips. “It´s Joels favorite.“ She looks at him and gives him a crooked smile. “I like it, too.“ She shrugs her shoulders and you feel Joel tense next to you, trying to hide a smile. “You have no other choice, given how many times I made you watch that.“ Joel wraps his arm around your shoulder and you gently pat his leg under the blanket, happy for him that he can talk to Ellie without it being tensed. “You read savage starlight, I’d say we’re quit.“ Ellie mumbles, quickly eating another cookie to end the conversation. Joel nods and takes the remote from your hands, starting the movie and holding you tight against his side. It feels weird to cuddle Joel in front of others, but on the other side it also feels normal, just a bit foreign. Dina can´t stop staring at you two, and you have to throw some carrots at her to stop her from eying you the whole time. Even Ellie casts a look at you two from time to time, but looks away every time Joels eyes meet hers. „I quite like this.“ You mumble against Joels chest as he starts playing with your hair. “Me too.“ He keeps his eyes directed to the screen and silently mouthes the lines from time to time, thinking you won’t notice.

The movie goes on for what feels like forever, and when its over, Dina and Ellie are softly snoring on the sofa next to you. You nudge Joel and turn off the Tv, lazily stretching yourself. “Should we let them sleep?“ You whisper. Joel looks at Ellie and collects another blanket, standing up and softly laying it over her. You never heard him walk this quiet before and hold onto your chest, a smile evident on your face. “They had patrol this morning, let them rest.“ Joel grabs the mugs and winces when they bump into each other and make noise. Dina simply scratches her nose and mumbles something inaudible, leaning more against Ellie. You grab the bowls from the table and put the contents into a container to keep them fresh before walking up the stairs with Joel. “When was the last time you slept under the same roof with three women?“ You joke, stifling a yawn with your hand. “It´s the first time I will be sleeping while three women are under my roof.“ Joel teases back, and you look at him with wide eyes. “I´m joking baby.“ Joel laughs at your shocked impression and lays an arm around you. You quiet down his laughing by kissing him, tasting chocolate and cookies on his tongue. “You better be.“ You peel yourself away from him and get ready for bed, sighing heavily when your body connects with the mattress. Joel grunts and lays down next to you, bed squeaking under his weight. You lay on your side and open your arm, inviting Joel to snuggle closer. He rests his head on your pillow and hugs you close, your own arms wrapping around his neck. “Maybe they’ll come around more often.“ You mumble as you stroke Joels thick hair. He closes his eyes and draws small patterns on your back. “I ain´t complaining, house is big enough.“ His hot breath fans your chest and you scratch his neck, nails grazing over the skin. “You´re not going to ask them to move in as well, are you?“ You close your eyes and hear Joel chuckle beneath you. “Don´t worry, you won’t have to share me with anyone else.“ He pinches your side and you swat his hand away with a giggle. “Good, you don’t want to see me jealous.“ “Oh I think I’d might like that.“ Joel bites the exposed flesh of your collarbone and you gasp, hands moving to push him away. “Stop it.“ You give him a warning look but he can’t see your face in the dark, continuing to roam his hands over your body. A shiver erupts along your spine as his hands move under your shirt and towards your breasts, brushing over the sensitive flesh. “you really want me to stop?“ His breath hits your ear and he attacks your jaw with kisses, moving down to your sweet spot. “We have Ellie and Dina downstairs.“ You say weakly, hands stopping to push him away and resting on his shoulders instead. “You have to stay quiet, then.“ “Joel.“ Your voice is raspy and you finally find the self-control to grab his hands and keep them trapped in yours. “No funny business tonight.“ You say in a stern voice, although your smile says otherwise. “Fine.“ Joel sighs and pulls his hands out of your hold, dramatically turning around, his back facing you. “Oh come on.“ You giggle and snuggle closer, hugging him from behind. Joel reaches for your hand and pulls your arm under his, keeping your hand close to his chest. You lean your face against his strong shoulder and kiss his shirtless form, feeling how warm his skin is against your lips. “Good night, baby.“ He kisses your hand in return and you tangle your legs with his, warming your cold feet on his warm ones. “Good night.“

Your sleep doesn’t last long. A gentle kiss to your forehead wakes you up, and you open your eyes. Outside its still dark and the only lightning is coming from downstairs, together with hushed voices. “Tommy and I have to clean some infected areas, Maria wants us to do it before you guys go on patrol.“ Joels voice is still groggy from the lack of using it overnight, and you sit up, covers sliding to your hip. “You have to leave now?“ You ask tiredly, rubbing sleep from your eyes. Joel nods and you realize he’s already dressed, jacket and backpack laying by the end of the bed. “Be careful, okay?“ You cup his cheek and pull him down for a kiss, lips lazily moving against his. He pulls away and gets up to strip on his jacket. “Always.“ He pulls the covers back over your sleeping form and you watch him leave, before dozing off for some more minutes. Sleep won’t come back, you’re too worried for that. So you get up after some tossing and turning, and decide to start your day. Dina and Ellie have already left, probably awoken by Tommy or Joel. You eat breakfast in silence and clean a bit afterwards, washing the dreaded laundry and hanging it all around the house to dry. After you got ready yourself, you prepare your backpack and make your way over to the butcher where you’d meet Jesse. You’re assigned for patrol this late morning, and he’s your partner. You already see his slender form leaning against a wooden pole, chatting away with Marcus. You sigh and approach the two, boots sinking into the snow. “Morning guys.“ You awkwardly wave at them and dodge Marcus gaze. “You´re early for once.“ Jesse teases and salutes at you, while Marcus looks anywhere but to you. “Well, eh-“He scratches his neck and slowly backs away, fingers pointing over his shoulder. “I´ll get going, I´m needed somewhere else.“ He quickly bits goodbye to Jesse and stumbles down the few stairs, hurrying along the streets towards god knows where. Jesse looks at you and raises an eyebrow. “Did he ever apologize to you?“ Jesse asks. You nod and slip your gloves on, breath thick like a cloud in front of your face. “Once, but he couldn’t even look me in the eye. I don´t mind tho, I know it was an accident. It’s Joel he needs to apologize to.“ “Yeah that’s never going to happen.“ Jesse shakes his head and you chuckle, following him towards the gate. “I know, Joel won’t apologize for pushing him either. He´s one hell of a stubborn man.“ You kick some snow from your feet and Jesse shrugs his shoulders. “He´s not the only stubborn person here.“ Jesse gives you a look and you roll your eyes. “Oh cause you’re so much better.“ You laugh and shove Jesse further away from you, his chuckle ringing in your eyes. “I´m just saying, you’re almost as stubborn as Dina. And that means something.“ He points his finger at you and you ignore his comment, changing the topic. “Why did Maria sent Tommy and Joel on an early patrol? Isn´t it way more dangerous?“ You frown and Jesse rests his hands on his hips, stopping at the east gate. “There´s been a lot of infected sightings lately, Maria simply wants them to clear the path for us. They’re experienced and can take a look at how bad the situation really is. Don´t worry, they’ll be fine.“ He briefly looks at you as you guys wait for your horses. “You better be right, I don’t want to become a widow.“ You mumble gloomily. “Don´t you guys need to be married for that, first?“ Jesse jokes and you shoot him a glare. “Not funny.“ You gladly take the reins from the stables boy and greet your horse with a quick pet when they approach. Your legs feel stiff as you swing yourself on top and get seated into the saddle. Jesse does the same and gestures for the security people to open the gate. “We´ll be fine, the same goes for Tommy and Joel.“ With that his horse picks up speed and runs over the snowy fields, you following close behind. You cringe at the cold wind clapping against your face and pull the hood of your sweater over your head to keep your ears from freezing off. “You know where we’re going?“ You shout over the loud whistling of wind. “Yeah, just follow me!“ Jesse guides you through some abandoned villages and to the next lookout, hidden inside an old tower. You breathe out relieved, happy that no infected crossed your path so far. You bind your horses onto a pole and climb up the rusty ladder to get inside. “Here, look around for any infected while I write our names into the book.“ Jesse hands you field glasses and you position yourself in front of the big window, overlooking the small town. “I see nothing.“ You state as you scan the area, spotting nothing of danger or matter. “You checked the woods too?“ Jesse asks as he scribbles something into the book, probably that your lookout was still safe and nothing ordinary happened. “Yeah, no lights, no infected. Nothing.“ You lower the glasses and hand them to Jesse when he walks over to you. “Hmm, we should keep looking for a bit. Maria said a horde was spotted here some days ago.“ “A horde?“ You shiver at the thought of having dozens of infected roaming through the woods. “Yeah, they’re inside some buildings. We need to clean them on the next group patrol.“ “Jeeze.“ You cross your arms in front of your chest and step back, watching Jesse from behind. “Yeah, it’s going to be interesting for sure.“ Jesse stops looking around and puts the glasses back onto the old tray he got them from. “The weather is changing for the worst, let´s head back, Joel and Tommy should also be on their way. We can prepare everything for the next patrol and pick our team.“ Jesse slides the backpack onto his shoulders and you grab yours, blowing a last puff of hot air into your palms before following him. “I can´t wait.“ You say sarcastically, climbing back onto your horse and making your way back to Jackson. Today’s patrol was unspectacular and quick, and you are grateful for it. Next patrol will be hard enough…

#Joel Miller #tlou joel #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanart #joel miller imagine #Ellie Williams #ellie williams x reader #tlou #TLoU fanart #tlou icons #tlou2 #tlou part ii #tlou ii #tlou ellie #tlou part 2 #tloup2

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barbasbodaciousbeard · 3 years

Text

If You Love Someone, Let Them Go: Part 11

Summary: Since starting with SVU, Sonny hadn’t kept much terribly close to the chest. The squad knew about his family, growing up on Staten Island, the classes at Fordham. What was hidden was why he didn’t date. Sonny Carisi was also separated from his childhood sweetheart, a separation neither ever took to divorce. They had the same haunts. They’d grown up neighbors. Their paths crossed every few months, and divorce talks would turn into reminiscing would turn into a night spent together, sometimes sex sometimes just talking until the early morning. It always ended with one of them waking up alone however. How will that change when the squad finds out?

Pairings: Sonny Carisi x Original Character

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

A/N: One of the first chapters I wrote.

March 2016:

“I don’t like this,” Victoria muttered, brushing his hair back.

“I know, doll. I’ll be home soon enough, okay?” He was going undercover, staying in a shelter for sex offenders, and she was clinging to him beforehand. Sonny was thankful when Victoria came home with a bag of clothes he was inheriting from Margy’s husband so that he didn’t have to bring anything from this home after. The only thing he refused was taking his ring off, working marriage into his back story. It wouldn’t come off again.

“I know. I just hate knowing where you’ll be. Who you’ll be around.”

“Me too, Tor. I gotta pretend I’m one of them.”

“We’ll go see Bella and Tommy when you’re home. Play with our newest niece.”

“I’d like that a lot.”

“I love you, Dom. I’ll miss you.”

“I love you, Tor. I’ll miss you too. Be home as soon as I can, okay? You call Liv if you need anything. Amanda has your number too, in case she needs help with Jessie.”

“I know. Go catch the bad guy, okay?”

He kissed her softly, and she ruffled his hair as he left. Sonny didn’t want to look too much like himself for this. She’d suggested the name Smitty, mostly as a joke when they were watching some movie. It was a week and a half before he could come home. Once they thought they had Loomis, and then realized Richie was involved too, Sonny got to come home and shed the persona before returning to the precinct. Of course, Victoria didn’t know any of this; she just knew Sonny would need support.

In the time he’d been gone, she’d been feeling under the weather, so when he got home, she was sipping ginger tea in a vain attempt to settle her stomach. He dropped the duffel bag when the door was locked, immediately starting to peel off the jacket, then the inherited hoodie, then the jeans that didn’t fit right and drop them on the bag.

“I gotta wash this off,” he said plainly as he went for the shower. It was a habit he’d taken to as he figured out how to separate the days on the job that felt like they stuck with him the most. Sonny would shower, though he usually didn’t feel such an aversion to his clothing, and then talk to her once he felt better. This time, she went to the bathroom after a while, sitting on the toilet seat.

“You okay?” she asked.

“I guess.” The water shut off, and he pulled the curtain back to get a towel. “I didn’t like pretending I had pictures of kids. But it also was weird? I don’t think any of those guys got enough time. But I was also, like, playin’ dominoes with them. Can make you wonder if they’re the same guy as before they did time.”

“I know that’s not easy to think about.”

“It looks like they might have proved me wrong.”

“How?”

“The guy who did it? He’s the one I thought was probably rehabilitated. He also saved me when I got jumped so-”

“You got jumped?”

“Shit, Lieu didn’t tell you?”

“No. Dom, are you okay?”

“A vic’s dad saw me at the precinct. I was new in the place so he thought I was the perp and he and his friends brought bats.” He shifted around, and she could see deep purple bruise across his back. “Richie, one of the guys, saved me.”

“Sweetheart,” she whispered, fingers gently brushing over the swelling. “Did you see a doc?”

“It’s just a bruise. Feeling better every day.”

“Liv said you gotta go back in?”

“No. But, I need to hear everything. See this through.”

“I know. Liv said she approved for you to take a few days off when it’s over.”

“She told me. Somebody meddled.”

“Love you,” she sang softly. “You need to take time to recover.”

“I was planning to ask, and I appreciate that you did meddle when you watched Noah. I love you. So much.”

“I’ll get you some clothes while you shave and stuff.”

“Thank you, Tor.” She left him to get ready, laying out a suit and tie and everything else. He came in not long after, and she took advantage of the opportunity to watch him get dressed. Things had been good again for almost a year, and she needed to talk to him, but knew this wasn’t the time. In the worst case of timing, she’d started to feel sick while he was okay. It wasn’t too bad at first, easily written off as PMS, but she’d realized she was late the night before, something that made her wish it had taken him just one more day to come home. She hadn’t taken a test yet, and it didn’t feel like the right time to talk about it. She knew he’d be ecstatic if she were, but they’d decided to drop the subject until summer. The possibility still scared her because all she could consider was that he'd get distant when the first hard case came.

Sonny would get home that night, and they’d have the weekend. The trial would start on Monday, and Dominick planned to go. They had the next two days, and then he’d take two after the trial. There was a box of tests tucked at the bottom of her underwear drawer, and a lazy Saturday felt like the right time to find out. He fell into the bed when he got home,taking just enough time to tell her the attorney was the real perp and the guy who had saved him wasn’t before falling asleep quickly. Since he was home so late, it was easy enough for her to wake up before him, running the shower as she watched the clock.

“How about I join-” she could hear Sonny before she turned and saw him, eyes wide. He took in Victoria settled on a toilet seat with a small white stick clutched in her hands. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Yeah,” she said, cheeks red as her eyes welled up. “Don’t be mad.”

“Hey, hey,” he soothed, kneeling in front of her. “I’m not mad. Did you not want me with you?”

“Yeah. I’m scared, Dom.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to process it. What we talked about at Christmas. The fact it’s not June yet, so I shouldn’t be pregnant.”

“We’ll stay in therapy. Unfortunately a verbal agreement doesn’t prevent pregnancy,” a soft smile as he teased her. “But I’ll be here. I swear to you, doll. I know the doin’ is the only thing that can make that real.”

“I was definitely going to tell you if I am. I got a little box to put it in.”

“That’s all that matters to me, okay? We’re two separate people. You’re the one who may be carrying our baby. If you needed to process that first, it’s fair. I really hope you are, though.”

“I think what scares me is that I kind of do too. We always talked about it. But this isn’t when we planned, y’know?”

“I know, doll. But I think the last few years tell us everything ain’t going to go to plan. But we can get through anything,” Sonny whispered, kissing her temple. She looked to her phone, letting out a breath. “Want me to check it?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, head on his chest. He reached forward, holding it up.

“How many lines is a baby?”

“Two.” She knew the answer as soon as she heard him sniff and felt his arms tighten around her. Victoria could feel the smile on his face, and she clung to him.

“We made a baby, tesoro.”

“Lemme see,” she murmured, eyes teary. Reverently, she held it, wrapping around his middle.

“Wait, so around six weeks is when my sisters all realized. Tor, are we having a Valentine’s baby?”

“I guess,” she whispered. “They’ll give us the conception window, won’t they?”

“Oh my god, we’ll get to see them soon,” he beamed, dropping his hands to her belly. His wide eyed reverence made her feel butterflies in her stomach, butterflies that started to overshadow the nerves.

“We will. I’ll call a doctor Monday. Maybe they can squeeze me in your off days. Then we can see them before you tell anyone. I know you won’t be able to wait until 12 weeks to tell ma.”

“What made you start realizing?”

“I had all that indigestion. Got fatigued right before you went. Then I’ve been nauseous all the time and peeing a lot. I realized I was late like the night before you got home when I realized how much my boobs hurt. I wanted to know before you got here but then it wrapped up.”

“What are you craving?” he asked, picking her up and gently settling her on the bed. “I’ll get you these ginger candies. Teresa, Bella, and Gina all swear by them for the nausea and indigestion. I couldn’t get Amanda to eat them with Jesse. You’ll need a pregnancy pillow when you get bigger. And not to be gross, but we gotta get chia seeds. Bella learned it helps you not get constipated.”

“Nothing yet. But I love you,” she whispered, pulling him to lay against her side. She wanted to cry, so grateful to see his response. The change she’d imagined was sudden, an immediate withdrawal. Now he was here, after a hard case, not pulling back. Instead, she had a feeling there’d be a basket of ginger candy, bananas, and chia pudding waiting on a pregnancy pillow with a handful of onesies.

“I love you, too,” he grinned before ducking to kiss her unchanged belly. “And I love you, kiddo. Me and your mom can’t wait to meet you.” Victoria’s hand rested in his hair as he laid his head on her side. She was right, and he went to the store after a while, returning hours later with bags. Carefully, he laid everything on the coffee table. He was excited, she could tell, and she wondered if he’d even make it to the appointment before telling his mom.

“So, I know we aren’t tellin’ ma yet, but I did some googling about your boobs to try to figure out what can help. It said the, like, stretchy bras like these so I got a lot. And then these boob ice packs and nipple cream because I didn’t know which part hurts. Prenatals, because duh. Ginger candy since that’s bothering ya now. I got chia seeds for if you get constipated and then Gina ate a banana a day because she got lots of muscle cramps, so I got us more bananas. And then there’s that dip and chips you like flowers in the kitchen.”

Victoria was silent, staring up at him. The doubt that had wormed its way into her head was gone, though she knew it would reappear until experience confirmed she was wrong. But now? She was more secure than she’d ever been. She thought whatever change would be there suddenly, that he’d pull away when he knew and spend too much time in his head. Instead, here was Sonny, just off a case that wasn’t easy for him, putting his focus on the good news. He knew she was afraid, and he was genuinely there for her. She also knew that there was an extent to which this was his way of saying See, doll? I’m not going anywhere. Victoria teared up, and Sonny looked worried, dropping beside her.

“Come here, you absolute sap,” she sniffed. There were the hormones. Really, there was the overwhelming confirmation that he wasn’t going anywhere and they’d get this life together. The sentimentality she often felt when she realized he was just so good and so sweet, even if he thought his job tainted that.

“Ah, you happy crying?”

“Yeah. You’re so perfect, Dom. This is so sweet.”

“You’re carrying our baby, Victoria. This is the least I can do. I’m going to take care of you. I’m so grateful.”

The weekend and trial went by in a blur, but Victoria was able to confirm she was pregnant with bloodwork while he was in court. They were going to an ultrasound that Thursday, and she was glad to know the trial would wrap up in time for Sonny to make it without her needing to reschedule. She was later than she realized once she visited the doctor, and Sonny had excitedly downloaded apps for both of them to track the pregnancy week by week. The first time anyone saw them together, they’d probably guess that she was pregnant, based only on the way he escorted her like she’d break now and instinctively reached for her belly despite the lack of a bump. If it weren’t so endearing, she’d be furious.

“You excited to see them?” he asked, leg bouncing as they sat. “Ain’t a valentine’s baby, but that means we get them two weeks sooner.”

“I can’t wait,” she said, hand going to his knee. “You okay, Dom?”

“I’m so nervous.”

“Me too. But we can see them today.”

“The app says they’re the size of a raspberry. Maybe that’s why you’ve been craving them.”

“We’ll track the weekly comparisons.”

“We’ll tell everybody at dinner tonight. Ma’s gonna flip.”

“And you can tell the squad when you decide. I know you. Four weeks could be unbearable.”

“I just wanna tell everybody. We got a little raspberry.”

“Saturday we get the next fruit.”

“Perfect. I’ll update my chart of what you’ll be craving.” He kept his hand on her back as they went to the ultrasound room, watching the tech like a kid on Christmas. If she didn’t know for a fact that he’d been incredibly supportive of four different women through pregnancy, she’d think he didn’t know how any of this worked. When the nurse started to show them the baby, confirming the heartbeat and measuring to determine if the age was correct, Sonny watched the image with what was officially the goofiest of his grins she’d ever seen.

“Want to hear them?” the tech asked softly. “I think we’ll be able to hear.”

“Please,” Victoria smiled as she held his hand tight. Sonny pressed his lips to the back of her hand as the steady sound filled the room. His eyes were brimmed with happy tears, and she started to cry too when they made eye contact, which made them both let out happy laughs.

“That’s our kid.” The joy in his voice made Victoria wish they’d just gone straight for this a year before.

“It is,” she whispered. Soon enough, they were in their apartment, and Sonny had his cheek pressed to her belly and the print out of the sonogram clutched in his hand.

“I’m gonna tell them a story every night. And if I get caught on a case, I’ll call and tell a really short story.”

“Yeah?” Her hand smoothed through his hair as she watched him. His eyes were closed, and he was desperate to see if he could pick up on the baby’s heartbeat. He knew he was just hearing hers, but maybe if he stayed there long enough…

“Yeah. And I’m gonna be at every sonogram. I can’t wait, Tor.”

“Me either, Dom. I know I’ve been scared, but this week makes me feel better about it. I can’t promise I won’t get panicky sometimes.”

“I know. I’m glad you’re feeling better about it, but I understand if you get freaked. The girls and Rollins? All three of them got really emotional and panicky.”

“I love you. We both do.”

“I love both of you. I’m telling Lieu tomorrow. I want to let her know. And be positive I get to be at the twelve week appointment.”

“That’s fine, Dom. I also know you gotta tell somebody.”

“That too,” he admitted.

The next morning found him giddy as he got to the office. On his way, he’d grabbed zeppoli, setting them out and dropping at his desk with his coffee. He’d only seen Fin so far, but it felt impossible not to run up to him, whip out his phone, and start showing off the ultrasound photo. He kept pulling it up just to be sure it was there and real and ready for him to show Olivia. He wasn’t sure he’d have made as much progress as he had without the squad she led. It had helped him feel more stable as he accepted that there were things he needed to work on to be okay again. Olivia was, to him, unknowingly a big part of why he’d gotten his head out of his ass. He went to her open door the minute he saw her sit down.

“Hey Lieu, can I talk to you?” he asked from the doorway. Liv motioned for him to come in and close the door.

“Everything alright, Carisi?”

“I just got something you need to know, ‘cause I’ll have to disappear for a couple hours every once in a while.”

“Oh? Is everything okay?” she asked, leaning back as she looked up at him.

“Yeah. Tor’s nine weeks along as of this past Saturday, so the reason is about the size of a cherry now.”

“Victoria’s pregnant?” she beamed, and Sonny nodded eagerly, fumbling to pull out the ultrasound picture on his phone.

“We found out a week ago. The ultrasound was Thursday. There’s no bump yet, but she’s got just a little bit bigger and I can’t wait until she pops. It’s kind of crazy, I know, but I’m going to be a dad. I was gonna wait until we did the twelve week ultrasound, but y’know, I gotta leave to do that.”

“And you just wanted to tell somebody.”

“That too,” he said, and Olivia wanted to tease him for how boyish he looked with the grin and nervous glances to his lap. “I’m glad I knew before the bar, or I wouldn’t have been able to focus.”

“You two will be phenomenal parents. Congratulations. Unless something comes up, you’re fine to go for doctor’s appointments. How’s she feeling?”

“Pregnant,” he laughed. “But the bakery’s in a good way. She’s stepping back a little more. And between my sisters and Amanda, I remember what stuff helps so I try to help.”

“I gave Bella Noah’s old clothes or I’d offer them.”

“I appreciate that. We’ll inherit enough from everybody though. Plus, I kinda like shopping for onesies and stuff. They’re really cute. And Target got in some real cute outfits...”

“Are you telling everyone else?”

“Not until twelve weeks. But I couldn’t go without telling you, lieu.”

@cycat4077

#sonny carisi #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi x oc #law and order #law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #writing

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starfighter10 · 4 years

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tlou2 opinion

So I really had to share my opinion(rant) on the last of us part 2 and boy I have a lot to say. I am gonna dwell deep into this one, so bear with me if you can and want to

But before that I have to share the feelings I hold for tlou1.Back when I finished tlou1, I knew I experienced something truly magical. I was pleasantly surprised by the beautifully crafted story, the execution of the characters, the music, the gameplay , and the effort that went into shaping the journey of the game,the character arcs and bonds. You could see and experience the uniqueness and passion that went into the first project. This game immediately became a favourite of mine.

When tlou2 was announced, my expectations were skyhigh,was elated to continue Joel and Ellie's journey and how it unfolds. The bar set by the first one was exceptionally high and probably impossible to achieve, but I had trust and faith in naughty dog, thought they couldn't go wrong with this one. After experiencing tlou2 , I am speechless.... not in a good way. I have no words to express my disappointment,frustration and anger I feel right now. I don't even know where to begin.... the absolute mess of a plot, the original characters being blatantly ignored, retconned and disrespected in favour of new bland characters, the plotholes in the story, the false advertising and marketing, naughty dog's hubris, making a complete mockery of your fans who are paying money to play something but getting baited for something else. I am utterly heartbroken and angry.

The plot - the driving force of the game is over ambitious, lazy,sloppy and nihilistic. It felt forced. Naughty dog bit off more then they could chew with this one. Tlou2 could have gone several ways in terms of plot with the existing characters, yet we get the cliche revenge plotline with the character abandoning the quest altogether to realise revenge isn't the answer. This trope has been done several times before, with more finesse and better execution. The writers aim for the " Ellie breaks the cycle of the revenge" but it really fails to achieve this as she blatanly annihilates several characters,npcs along the way in quest of her revenge. The damage has been done practically speaking. According to naughty dog's logic , I should expect Nora's sister or a random npc's friend/relatives in tlou3 hunting down Ellie in their revenge quest. Also Abby's quest literally does nothing for me. This character was so poorly written, executed and shoved down our throats, I didn't have any sort of attachment or empathy for her. I simply don't care about this character.

The circumstances that lead to Joel's death was out of character as well. Since the trailer drop in 2016, I was prepared for his inevitable death. Thought he would probably go out like the badass he is, maybe sacrificing himself for Ellie/tommy. The Joel I know from tlou1, a hardened survivor who has fought tooth and nail to survive the past 20 years would NEVER end up in a situation like that. Joel was intensely alert, critical,clever and intuitive. The argument here may be that he has softened in Jackson, but I feel at this point this should be 2nd nature to him. Something that is automatic. Yet the writer's now want you to believe he is a dumbass who would trust a group of strangers, make small talk and introductions and end up in a situation like that. One of the bigger issues was the constant reinforcing that Joel wiped down the fireflies in cold blood and doomed humanity for death by robbing them of their cure for survival,Ellie believing the cure would have been a guaranteed sure shot success ..... WHY? This retcons the first one completely. The beauty of the tlou1 was it's moral ambiguity and uncertainty. We were constantly hinted that fireflies is a mess of a group whose agendas weren't clearly known, whose actions caused the sacrifice of many people for the sake of a slight possibility of a cure.They were power hungry and were cruel enough to send a 14 year old girl to her death with no remorse,consent or any proper investigation or medical research. Joel initially negotiates to find someone else, gets shut down immediately, gets his means of survival snatched and was practically marched to his death. He had no option but to wipe clean these people who planned on killing someone dear to him, for something that is uncertain or in vain. And yes this was a selfish decision on Joel's part, and that was the beauty of it. The moral ambiguity. He was right or wrong or both - open to your interpretation. BUT NOW NAUGHTY DOG WANTS TO TO ERASE ALL THAT DEVELOPMENT. The active reinforcement that Joel was a cold, ruthless murderer who killed fireflies and deprived humanity of its cure? Trying to erase the fact that he was surviving and trying to keep his dear ones safe in this cold, brutal and unforgiving postapocalyptic world. So that we sympathize with Abby and enjoy golfing the tf outa Joel?. Ellie seems like a different character in this one, but again this character is immediately pushed to a whirlwind of traumatic events right from the start of the game. I missed her spark of joy,humour and enthusiasm. The treatment of the main chatacter in her own game is utterly cruel and disappointing, and seemed unfair to me. By the end, Ellie is broken beyond repair. Though she thematically chooses to be the better person and gives up on her vengeance and hate, she still manages to be on the losing side as she ends up losing her father figure which was her closest bond, loses Dina and the kid , she doesn't have her community, her people, her fucking fingers as well. Why? So Ellie could suffer a little more and be unable to do most important thing that bonded her to Joel. Not to mention she loses her switchblade too, her mother's final memory. Surprised that ND spared her mother's letter . Feel her pain and despair. Why does Ellie get such a shitty,depressing, worthless, futile and a hopeless conclusion while Abby not only gets her revenge successfully, forms a close bond in Lev and gets to escape possibly to a fresh start. Ellie? Nah she gets to suffer alone. Her BIGGEST FEAR has become a reality by the end. The least they could do is let Ellie have some solace and calm, surrounded by her loved ones on that farm,her trying to recover from her trauma slowly but surely, it's what joel would have wished for. But no, she is left all alone, absolutely traumatized, all by herself with nothing to look forward to. Oh and tommy is whole new character in every scene. So keep your eyes peeled for various versions of tommy throughout. The character inconsistencies are ridiculous.

The gameplay, beautiful sceneries, and new characters like dina and jesse are few of the positives of game - leaning more towards Jesse. Dina felt perfect for Ellie and Jesse did manage to lighten up few of the moments. The space shuttle cutscene, the museum flashback sequence, ellie and joel's flashbacks were the only parts that remotely captures the magic and beauty of tlou1. I got emotional watching them. The space shuttle sequence hits you with the feels. Joel slaying a bloater with a machete was cinematic art. (Hot too)

Abby... the forced deuteragonist, is an utter failure of character execution. Her character was forced onto us, felt hasty and lacked real build up. She starts off on the wrong foot by killing one of the most popular characters. If ND really wanted this character to work, the only possible way would have been to play her point of view and backstory prior to her mercilessly killing and torturing a guy who just saved her life. What was ND thinking? That a few hours of her pov,forced out of the blue background story, her getting to play with dogs while ellie has no option but to attack the dogs, the abby-lev bond which is pretty much discount or the walmart version ellie and joel would be enough to side with her over ellie and joel???? The part where they force you to play as abby against ellie? It made me sick. I felt cheated and disgusted.

The false advertising to make us believe joel is alive and good? That this is an ellie and joel centric game?To tug at your heartstrings like this. A complete mockery of the fans who waited 7 years to see their favorite characters get horribly treated,retconned, disrespected and thrown under the bus in favour of new unlikable characters. Butchering the heart and soul of the last of us - Joel and Ellie's bond. The fact that these two don't even get a heart to heart before his death, that Joel dies uncertain of ellie's future, maybe thought he could not save Ellie in those final painful moments, that she had never forgiven him, Ellie never getting her closure with Joel, or really getting to tell him how much he meant to her.... all these thoughts legit made me shed tears. Broke my heart. This is how much ND wanted to honour and respect ellie and joel.

The game's conclusion is hollow, futile, worthless and depressing. And in my opinion, this is non canon. This is the only way I can cope with this unsastifying conclusion. It is immaturity I guess... but I will feel better about it.

Though I utterly despise tlou2, tlou1 will continue to remain one of my favorite pieces of work in fiction. JOEL FUCKING MILLER WILL ALWAYS BE THE BADDEST BITCH AND NOTHING WILL CHANGE THE LOVE I HAVE FOR HIM.

If someone actually read it all the way, thank you for your time and effort. Really needed to rant and let these negative emotions out.

#the last of us #the last of us part 2 #tlou spoilers #tlou #tlou2 #tlou joel #tlou ellie #my rants #ellie #joel miller #joel

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supernaturaltfwmeme · 4 years

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Between the lines. part 2

Summary; The reader is at stanford with Sam and a few other familiar faces. She gets introduced to Dean, an FBI agent for help with a paper. The two grow even closer when Dean learns about her daughter and her troublesome situation. Check out the other parts here.

Paring; Dean x reader

Warnings: Language, mentions of abuse.

Part 1

You were finding it very hard to concentrate, with Dean Winchester sitting across from you. Those gorgeous green eyes staring into your y/e/c ones. You needed to get yourself under control. You were interviewing him so you get a good grade on your paper and you had a boyfriend for Christs sake. Shaking your head, you pull your eyes away from Deans and looking down at the notebook and begin your interview.

“So, Dean tell me what made you want to become a cop, well FBI agent?”

“My mom.”

“How so?”

“She’s a really talented artist, but she always wanted a career where she could help people, so she’s a police sketch artist. Me and Sammy spend most of our lives around a police station, and it definitely had an impact I mean I’m an FBI agent and he’s studying law at college. But you already knew that.” Dean laughs.

“Why the FBI specifically though?”

“Just seemed like a way to help more people than just being a normal cop, not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

“Your mom must be very proud.” You commented smiling at him, trying not do get dram back in by those damn eyes again.

“Yeah she is, well when she’s not worried anyway.” Dean beams at you. God his smile was amazing.

“So, you’re originally from Kansas, right? Why move all the way to California to join the FBI? Weren't there options closer to home?”

“No, it wasn’t that, it was Because of Sammy. He’d just got accepted into Stanford when I graduated from the academy so I Decided to come out here with him, gotta look out for the Kid.” You couldn’t help but smile at that, it must be nice having a family member care that much about you. Your own parents didn’t even want anything to do with you.

“What about your parents then? Do they still live up in Kansas?”

“Nah, they moved out here not long after me and Sammy did. They didn’t see the point of staying if their only family lived out here.” You nodded your head scribbling down Deans answers to you questions when you heard him speak up.

“What do you say we make this interview more interesting sweetheart.” Dean flashed you a cocky grin, normally you would have said no just wanted to focus on your work. But there was something about Dean where you didn’t think you could actually say no to him.

“How do you suggest we do that?”

“Let me ask you questions to, so I don’t feel quite so exposed.” You saw what could almost be described as a nervous look flash across Deans face. “That is unless you have somewhere you need to be.” You glanced at the time it was only half 2, and you trusted Charlie with Amelia. It wouldn’t hurt to let Dean have this to make him feel a little less uncomfortable.

“Since you are doing me a massive favour, go ahead.” You smiled at him.

“What exactly are you studying?” Dean asked. That surprised you. It was definitely not a question you were expecting.”

“Criminology, psychology and forensics. Triple major.” Deans let out a whistle.

“Damn, Sammy said you were smart but triple major. That must be exhausting.”

“It’s not as bad as you would expect to be honest, a lot of it over laps so it’s pretty easy to keep up.”

“I would not be able to do that.” Dean commented making you laugh a little.

“Ok, What’s your favourite part of the job?” Dean took a second to think about it before answering.

“I work violent crimes, so to be honest the only help I really give people is closure to a victims relatives but when I actually get them that and stop someone else from being in their position, it’s a pretty good feeling.”

“Damn Dean that’s a pretty impressive answer.” Dean just acts as if it’s nothing.

The interview ends up turning into more of a chat and you don’t end up leaving the Café until 4.

“So, Sammy invited me out for drinks tonight are you coming?” Dean asks as he’s walking you to your car.

“I honestly don’t know, I doubt it.” you say as you get to your car.

“I think you should sweetheart, I'd be good to see you again.” Dean winks before walking away towards his own car. Your cheeks flushed a little but you quickly got over it.

With the traffic it takes you about 40 minutes to make the short trip to Charlies. Charlie answers the door to you with a huge smile on her face.

“Ah do you have to pick her up already I'm having fun.” Charlie laughs making you laugh as well.

“Yeah Charlie anyway aren’t you going out tonight, with Sam, Jess and Dean.”

“I didn’t know Dean was going.” Charlie adds before saying. “And no I'm not but you are.” She smirks.

“Charlie I'm not going. I can’t. Who’s going to look after Amelia? It’s not like I can take her with me.” I roll my eyes.

“No, but she can stay here.”

“Charlie I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Y/n Y/l/n when was the last time you actually got to go out and have fun with your friends, I thought you were over worked with a triple major and a part time job but finding out you’re a mom as well, girl you need it.”

“Charlie it’s ok honestly I'm used to it.” You admit.

“That’s exactly the kind of attitude I'm talking about y/n/n. You should be able to have a night off and I don’t find missing out once so you can actually go. Amelia will be fine, I'll even give you regular updates if you want.” you bite down on your bottom lip actually considering it for a second before you heard the should of little feet running across the floor.

“Mommy.” Amelia yells attacking your leg in a hug. You bend down to pick her up.

“Hey baby girl, did you have fun with aunt Charlie.”

“Yes mommy” Amelia beams at you. You had to admit this was the happiest you’d seen her in a while. Maybe you we’re being to over protective of her.

“Hey Amelia do you wanna have a sleepover here tonight?” Charlie asks before you can protest. Amelia’s eyes go wide.

“Can I mommy? I promise I'll be extra good.” You could see the excitement written all over her face. Amelia had never had a sleepover before. You didn’t even have Family she could stay with. You felt yourself giving in unable to say no to her.

“Of course you can baby girl.” You smiled at her before turning to Charlie. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I'm sure now go we got this.” Charlie smiled. You said goodbye to Amelia and told Charlie you’d come by before you went out to drop her some stuff off, before leaving.

You stared at yourself in the mirror messing with your hair for like the hundredth time in 5 minutes. In the 3 years you’d been in college you’d gone out maybe a handful of times, and you had to admit you were nervous. You were wearing a pair of black skinny jeans with rips on the knees, your favourite pair of converse, a white lacy crop top and a distressed denim jacket. You had on natural make up and just left your hair down.

You grabbed the bag for Amelia before making the trip over to Charlie’s for the third time that day.

“Damn girl would you look at you. You are quite literally one hot momma.” Charlie said letting you in. You blushed a little.

“Did you dress up for Dean?” Charlie teased. You rolled your eyes but you couldn’t help but blush more at her joke. For some reason you couldn’t get the green-eyed man out of your head.

“Shut up.” You laughed.

“Mommy you look really pretty.” Amelia said looking up from her drawing.

“Thank you baby.” You gave Amelia a hug and kissed her head.

“Now you be good for aunt Charlie.”

“I will momma I promise.” You handed Charlie the bag and said your good bye before leaving.

When you got to the bar it was pretty packed being a Saturday night and all. You quickly scanned the room for your friends, easily spotting Sam in the crowd and made your way over. As you got closer you saw Sam had his arm slung over Jess’ shoulders. Sitting across from them with their backs to you was Dean and a man you didn’t recognise. Jess spotted you first.

“Y/n, you made it.” She squealed pulling you into a tight hug.

“Yeah, I figured you guys would kill me if I bailed again.” You joked. Jess pulled back and Sam pulled you into a hug too.

“It’s good to see you y/n/n.” he said before letting go.

“Damn y/l/n you scrub up well.” Dean teased winking at you.

“Speak for yourself Winchester.” You threw back with fake confidence. Beside Dean someone cleared their throat.

“Oh my bad, y/n this is Cas, my partner, Cas this is y/n. She goes to school with Sam.” Dean introduced you to the dark-haired man.

“Nice to meet you Cas.” You said shaking his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you too y/n.” Cas said a little awkwardly but you didn’t question it.

“Aww man Charlie just text, she can’t make it Said she’s sick.” Sam read from his phone. You acted surprised.

“Oh well if that’s everyone let’s get some shots.” Dean said getting up from his set and heading over to the bar.

You drank a little more than you probably should of in the few hours you’d been there but thanks to Deans insistence you do shots you we’re pretty sure everyone had. In fact, Dean was the only one who didn’t seem all that drunk.

You couldn’t be too sure given your inebriated state, but it almost seemed like Dean was.. Flirting with you?

Cas had gone home after a couple drink to get back to his wife or something. You couldn’t really remember. After a few more drink Sam and Jess called it a night too, both pretty drunk. Leaving you just with Dean.

“You ok there Sweetheart, you’re looking a little drunk.” Dean laughed. He couldn’t help but think you looked adorable right now, with slightly flushed cheeks and hair a bit of a mess.

“I’m great.” You gave him a lazy smile. Dean leaned over and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Come on sweetheart it’s late. Let’s get you home.” Dean placed his hand on the small of your back, leading you through what remained of the crowds in the bar. Once you got out side you started to wobble a bit, almost falling over but Dean caught you. He decided it would just be easier to pick you up. You buried your face into his chest and by the time he’d made it over to his car, you had fallen asleep.

He carefully manoeuvred you into the passenger seat. Before closing the door and climbing into his side of the car. As soon as Dean started the car, he realised he had no idea where you lived.

“Shit.” He muttered to himself. He decided against waking you and just started the drive to his apartment. Once he got there, he carefully got you out of the car before carrying you inside. Dean somehow managed to unlock the door without waking you or dropping you. He carried you over to his bedroom placing you in his bed, before leaving for a minute and returning with some pain killers and a glass of water and placing them on the nightstand. He grabbed a pillow off the bed and left to go sleep on the couch.

The next morning you awoke will a killer headache. You blinked your eyes open, the harsh light of the morning sun peeking through the blinds, making you wince. You looked around the room finding it unfamiliar and having absolutely no idea where you were. You started to panic throwing off the covered and sighing in relief that you still had your clothes on. You noticed the pain killers on the nightstand and took one gulping down the water like your life depended on it.

When you replaced the empty glass on the night stand you noticed a familiar looking family photo. One Sam had shown you. But this wasn’t Sam’s apartment... Meaning you must be at Deans place. Although there was no sign of him. You grabbed your phone to check the time. It was almost midday but that’s not the thing that caught your eye.

You had 15 missed calls. From Daniel.

tags: @waywardaardvark79 @vicmc624

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athingthatwantsvirginia · 4 years

Text

Really, Marcia?

PART THRTY-FIVE OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: mentions of parent death, mentions of anxiety, plentiful pop culture references, lack of dialogue because this is exposition and foreshadowing for the next chapter just hang in there with me friends

Word Count: 4.6K

Summary: Jess and Ella return to Stars Hollow once again during graduation season.

Dropping the bags again in the apartment above Luke’s almost made Ella want to laugh out loud. Maybe she shouldn’t have made such a big deal of leaving the diner to move to Philadelphia; she felt like she almost couldn’t escape Connecticut. The trip, this time, was planned in advance, however. Both Adam and Rory were graduating, and Jess’s new sister had been born only a week earlier. Much was to be done, many people to visit. It made Ella feel slightly overwhelmed, the prescribed familial nonsense. Going back to Stars Hollow was easier when she could just casually pop into Luke’s or her home, and then drive away in the Station Wagon with Jess in the passenger seat and Liz Phair on the radio whenever she felt compelled. But the graduation had a scheduled time, Rory’s graduation party had a scheduled time. There was no getting out of it.

For a moment, she had thought about staying back in her old room in the little blue house. She felt as though they were taking advantage of Luke staying over at his place as often as they did. But then it occurred to her that she had no real idea what her room looked like anymore. The few times she’d been over in recent years, she hadn’t even ventured past the threshold of the small hallway, her door the second on the right. She felt maybe it was better to leave the room the way it had been in her memory. She was not in the business of reopening old wounds for no reason other than curiosity.

There was also the issue of her father. Fiona had been cagey at best about Jake on the phone. Would he even show up to the graduation? Surely he would. Even Noah had traveled back home, for the first time in years, though without his fiancé. She was a nurse, and hadn’t been able to get away from the midnight shifts. He was a paralegal, though, and had been able to swing a Saturday afternoon graduation. But, still, there was a gnawing feeling in her stomach. A fear he would simply not show. He had been at her high school graduation, with his robotic hugs and teary eyes and the usual detached way about him. It hadn’t been warm and fuzzy, but he had been there for her. He had clapped as she crossed the stage. And, as far as Ella was concerned, Adam deserved more than she ever got from Jake. Adam called often, and seemed to get along rather well with Fiona, but remained flighty about their father. She could count on him changing the subject every time Jake was brought up.

“Hey! Eleanor,” Jess said, breaking her from her reverie.

She blinked harshly and jumped at the sound of his voice. Slowly, she turned her gaze away from the view of the window above Luke’s kitchen sink. Town square was decorated with florals, and the troubadour stood playing an upbeat, folksy tune on one of the corners. And, as she thought about her family, it had all struck her as a bit plastic. It seemed impossible for so much heartache to happen to her while living in a place like Stars Hollow, but it had. In spite of the sunshiney smiles and the constant offerings for help. Probably why she got along with Jess so well, who understood more than anyone she had ever met what it was to feel a pain she could truly recognize. Luke, too. She wondered at how many people milling down on the sidewalk were concealing all of their hurt for the sake of maintaining a positive, cheerful facade. The farther away the years took her from her upbringing, the more reasons she felt she was better off somewhere other than her hometown. She had never quite been able to polish her outward mold, could never keep it all under wraps. Instead, she ended up cursing out kids who tried to steal random shit from the diner or punishing herself through constant schoolwork and lack of sleep, all to keep her problems from making it from her mind to her mouth. And, most of the time, she had slipped up eventually. Once more, her father came to her mind. He hadn’t been able to wear a convincing mask, either.

“...yeah?” she asked, then looked down to realize the glass she had been filling with cold water from the tap was overflowing onto her hand.

Quickly, she shut off the sink and sipped carefully at the drink, until it was back down to a manageable level. She switched it to the other hand and shook off the wetness, though it hadn’t felt unwelcome after having just come in from the May heat. Jess smirked quizzically at her, from where he stood at the fridge. They were meant to have a late lunch and then go over to Liz’s house and meet the baby, Doula. Despite how much Luke was making fun of it, Ella couldn’t say she hated the name.

“Jeez, Stevens. Where’d you go?” Jess’s voice was lilted and smug as he pulled some leftover sandwiches from the fridge. Luke had instructed them to finish off whatever diner cast-offs they could find. It reminded Jess of his teen years, tense dinners with Luke at the small kitchen table, eating stale food which had been prepped but never actually ordered. And he felt an odd, surprising jolt of nostalgia. But his face didn’t show it.

She shook her head at herself, placing her glass down on the table and grabbing the cutlery as Jess put the leftovers out on the table buffet-style. It reminded her of the way he arranged a meal on her kitchen table the night they’d watched the prom scene of Carrie together, when he’d brought her a care package because she had a migraine and then refused to admit to it later. And, for the most fleeting of moments, she was in the past and they were the people they had once been. A fond smirk tugged at her lips as she sat down, plates and forks in hand.

“Nowhere,” she replied finally, her voice a sigh. Before Jess could ask anything further, she gave him a pointed glance as she piled some cold mashed potatoes onto her plate and continued. “You sure you’re okay going to Liz’s house today? We could always wait until tomorrow morning, then we could have an excuse to leave and go get ready for the graduation.”

He seemed to consider the idea of a moment as he took his first bite of meatloaf, then shook his head. “No. Let’s just rip the bandaid off.”

“That’s the spirit when you’re going to see a new baby,” she quipped.

“I can guarantee the baby will be easier to handle than Liz and TJ, no matter how much she cries,” Jess grumbled, looking down at his food.

Ella bit the inside of her cheek and leveled him with her eyes. Each time they returned to Stars Hollow, he seemed to get more anxious about it. At first, it was because the entire town had hated him as a teen. But it got much worse when Liz moved there. She thought it strange how much everyone seemed to discount how Jess felt about this, how much Luke complained about her. How much they expected Jess to get over what he was feeling and play dutiful son. It reminded her of the way she felt she needed to treat her own father after her mother died. Though the sexist bullshit about her being the ‘woman of the house’ had also played a part. She knew how Luke felt about family, how he would always show up for family regardless of circumstance. Maybe Jess was the same way, loyal to a fault. But maybe it was only for his chosen family. Maybe the rest of it was more because of all the outward pressure he faced.

She reached over and ran a hand through his hand, smoothing it out. For a moment, she thought of saying something, but decided it wasn’t the right time to start a conversation about Jess’s childhood, or the lingering effects he still wouldn’t acknowledge. Not right before seeing his mother. She was trying hard lately to be patient, despite the way his eyes became guarded at the mention of his new sister or his mother, or the increased frequency of his nightmares. It was getting worse before her eyes and she didn’t know why. But Jess was Jess. And he wasn’t going to see it until he was ready to. It almost physically pained her, the effort of swallowing down the words, but she bit her tongue nonetheless.

He offered her a lazy, lopsided smile in return.

. . .

His grip on her hand was tight as they made their way into Liz and TJ’s house, just as gaudy and eclectic as Ella remembered from the baby shower. She might’ve even found it charming if it weren’t for the screaming color of the decor. The place smelled of burnt toast and sour milk, and Ella was instantly glad she and Jess had chosen to eat beforehand, just in case Liz asked them to stay for dinner. The scent was overpowered only by the strong perfume Liz was wearing, which Ella couldn’t ignore as Liz pulled her in for a big hug of greeting.

“Come in, come in,” Liz said in her high, sing-song voice as she led them down the front hall and into the living room. “She’s just waking up from nap!”

The room was littered with toys, empty bottles, blankets, story books Doula wouldn’t be able to read for years. But it was sweet. Ella could see how much they’d been preparing, planning. For a second, she was relieved about it, but then the feeling mixed with a distasteful sadness. Jess had never specifically addressed his bedtime routine as a child, but Ella was fairly positive Liz had never read him Goodnight Moon. She gave his hand a final squeeze before disentangling their fingers and sitting down on the paisley patterned couch. Liz lifted Doula up from the bassinet in the corner by the rocking chair. Ella could barely see the baby beneath the patchwork quilt she was swaddled in. Doula fussed for a moment, and Liz smiled at the two of them apologetically.

“She needs a change. I’ll be right back!” she said, retreating back into the bedroom. “Make yourselves comfortable!”

“Okay. Thanks,” Ella replied cordially. She looked back at Jess as his mother exited the room. “You okay?”

He shrugged, his eyes surveying the clutter. “I guess so. It’s just weird still. All of this.”

Ella hummed, nodding.

“And I’m not really used to the whole baby thing yet. I’ve never even held one before,” Jess said, slightly sheepish and slightly curious. He crossed his arms over the Metallica logo on his worn t-shirt. He’d taken a half day working at Truncheon before they left for Connecticut, and was always happy to change into less professional attire after his shifts.

“I know, but it’ll be easy. Unless TJ pops out and sings that song the frog does in Looney Tunes. Then is the only instance when you’d be even slightly at risk of dropping her,” Ella assured him, leaning back into the overstuffed couch.

She’d gleaned from their conversation the night before that his inexperience with children was also not helping his nerves. The only time she’d ever recalled Jess interacting with kids for any real length of time was the one Thanksgiving she’d brought him to meet her family. But even then, she’d been surprised how easily he’d wowed Erin with his card tricks, and played along with her jokes. Not something she’d exactly expected from the boy who wore a battered leather jacket and a constant scowl and a scarred heart on his sleeve.

“Why do you always worry he’s gonna do that?” Jess asked, cracking a smile for the first time since they��d walked in.

“I told you! He sang it to me one time when I was working and he was hanging out at the diner. He was trying to figure out what song to serenade your mom with,” she explained, eyes wide and utterly serious. “I was just wiping down the counter, minding my own business, and he just appeared, like, right over my shoulder.”

Jess rolled his eyes at the story, remembering when Ella had first told him about it over one of their phone calls, back when they were hundreds of miles apart. “Well, it doesn’t seem like he’s here right now.”

“I didn’t think he was in the diner when it happened,” Ella countered, her voice jokingly grave.

Jess chuckled but didn’t have a chance to respond as Liz reentered the room. A large smile stood out on her face, the baby dressed in a soft punk onesie in her arms. Doula squirmed around a little and cooed, but didn’t seem altogether unhappy.

“Ready to meet your little sister, Jess?” Liz asked, coming over and preparing to put Doula in Jess’s arms before he even had a chance to answer.

“Guess so,” he muttered hastily, eyes widening.

“Just be careful with her head,” Ella offered, watching as Liz hovered over her son, placing her daughter’s head in the crook of his arm.

Jess was surprised at how naturally his other arm moved to cradle her. She felt so light, it was as though he was holding nothing at all. Her skin was slightly flushed from the warmth of the quilt she’d been napping in, and he could feel the heat against his arms and his chest, through his t-shirt. His heart fluttered around anxiously in his chest, and he couldn’t help the slight trembling in his hands, but he was pretty sure he had a good grip on her. Liz straightened up again, looking down at the two of them. Jess almost couldn’t take his eyes off the baby, embarrassed at how awestruck he was. Ella’s nieces were the youngest kids he had ever been in contact with. He had never met someone when they were only a week old before.

“Isn’t she something?” Liz said, hands on her hips. “She looked a lot like Danny Devito when she first came out, but I think she’s finally getting past that early ugly baby phase.”

Jess hummed in absent acknowledgement, but said nothing. Doula had thin wisps of blonde hair, and pudgy, rosy cheeks. Her fingers were curled into small fists, her legs scrunched up. He wondered vaguely if she was going to fall back asleep, since it seemed she couldn’t keep her eyes open for very long. She smelled like rash cream, but he couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed at it.

“Yeah, she’s beautiful, Liz,” Ella answered, though her gaze went back and forth between the baby and Jess. She couldn’t think of a time when she’d seen his eyes so clear and full of wonder before. She’d been too young to hold a newborn when Adam arrived, but she remembered the feeling of holding Erin as a baby, in the hospital just hours after Julie had given birth to her. It was certainly a unique feeling, and she felt her heart swell at the thought of Jess getting to experience it.

Glancing back at the kitchen for a moment, Liz once again gained a frantic tone in her voice. But, after having known her for so long, Ella knew it wasn’t unusual. Liz was the kind of person who put her coffee cup on the top of her car while unlocking the door, and then drove away without remembering it, the mug shattering and coffee splattering on the road behind her.

“Damn, I was just makin’ a bottle when you guys got here. TJ usually does that stuff, but dinner got a little burned. He had to go get some Plan B takeout. Let me finish with the formula,” Liz said, making her way back towards the opening into the kitchen. “You guys okay with her for a second?”

“Yeah. Fine,” Jess answered, surprising Ella.

Just as Liz left again, Doula opened her eyes once more. But instead of letting them shut, she kept them open. She stared up at Jess, her large brown eyes meeting his and doing their best to focus on his face.

“She’s got a withering stare,” he murmured.

“Isn’t so hard, is it?” Ella shifted a little closer to him, leaning over his shoulder to see Doula. “You didn’t have to be nervous.”

“Yeah, maybe not,” Jess said quietly, a small smile on his face as he glanced over at Ella.

. . .

Back when she graduated high school, there had been rain. The day before, they’d had to move the ceremony preparation into the small auditorium. People were squished inside, standing up in the aisles once the seats ran out. Ella’s valedictorian speech had been a bit more than daunting with a bunch of irritated family and friends facing her, those who had traveled miles to Stars Hollow only to be packed into the smelly room like sardines. She supposed having graduation outside in the gazebo was better. The class size was small at Stars Hollow High, but it was best when everyone still had personal space. The one downside was the heat. Connecticut was not usually up near ninety degrees in late May, but a pocket of dry air was currently sitting atop the state, moving at a glacial pace.

Ella and Jess had sat sweating on some lawn chairs. While Julie and her husband Michael, who still lived in the same small house in New Britain, were on Ella’s other side, trying to get their girls to sit through the ceremony to moderate success. Annie’s wild curls were blowing in the scorching wind as she sat on her father’s lap, reading the small storybook she’d brought with her. Erin, on the other hand, just about to cross over into adolescence and middle school, had folded her arms sullenly over her chest and rolled her eyes at nearly every name called up to receive a diploma. Ella didn’t imagine she would’ve reacted much better at that age, being forced to sit out in the heat for hours only to watch Adam be handed a piece of paper. Noah had been on the far side of their row of seats, in his plain clothes, looking stoic as usual. He would be leaving just after the fanfare ended. He’d stayed at a motel the night before, with perhaps even less desire to stay in the little blue house than Ella had.

The valedictorian speeches were actually pretty good, but long. Adam would’ve been giving one if he hadn’t stopped trying in every one of his classes except for those involving science during his senior year. Ella respected the decision though. She had never found any application for calculus in adult life, no matter how hard she had worked at it in high school.

Fiona and Jake had shown up, together for some reason, ten minutes late. No seats were left near Ella, or anyone else in the family. Instead, they were relegated to the far back row. Her brows furrowed at their entrance, but they didn’t get close enough to Ella for her to say anything. Jess had brought her arm around her shoulder as she watched them pass her without so much as a look, and took to whispering jokes about their old principal in her ear. It didn’t work as well to distract her as he had hoped, but it had still earned him a laugh or two, which was far from nothing.

As they all stood around afterwards, under the shade of some trees behind the old gazebo, congratulating Adam, Ella couldn’t shake the thoughts of her parents from her mind. She wondered how different the day would be if her mother had lived. Would her parents still be together? Probably. Despite the problems they hid, the ones Ella had become more aware of the older she got, they did love each other. No matter how much her mother laid down and took Jake’s outbursts and his alcoholism, and no matter how much her father ignored Sophia’s distracted nature and inability to decide on anything in life, they loved each other. And, the thought struck her suddenly, that maybe everything would have been easier to swallow if they hadn’t loved each other so much. It would have been easier to accept how quickly everything fell apart, and how quickly her father had found someone new to fill the hole in his heart.

“You okay?” Jess asked, close to her ear as they lingered amongst the group, pictures having been taken and pleasantries having been exchanged.

“Just peachy,” she replied, unable to hide the bitterness in her voice.

“Yeah, I can see that,” he said, pressing a kiss to the crown on her head and giving her hand another squeeze. It hadn’t taken him long to gather how angry seeing her father again had made Ella. He wondered when the last time had been.

“I could do without the Brady Bunch performance,” she whispered back to him, gesturing to the members of her family as they continued with fabricated niceties.

“Really, Marcia? But you’re the oldest sister! That means you would’ve been prom queen!” Jess teased.

She rolled her eyes and snorted a laugh. “Whatever, Wally Logan.”

Approaching the two of them with narrowed eyes, Erin still had her arms crossed over her frilly dress. She had more than one bandaid on each knee, and she had already pulled the french braid out of her red hair. Speaking mostly to Ella, she sized Jess up.

“I remember him,” Erin said suspiciously.

A confused, bemused grin crossed Ella’s face. “Yeah. At Thanksgiving. You were like five. You remember that?”

“I have a really good memory,” Erin said, shrugging, confident and casual.

Ella chuckled at the flippant ten-year-old.

“Photographic, huh?” Jess asked, eyebrows raised.

“Pretty close,” Erin replied, then focused her eyes back on Ella. “Did you ever figure out his middle name?”

“Sure did,” Ella answered, smirk growing. “You wanna hear it?”

“Of course,” Erin said. “I know for a fact it’s not Santa Claus.”

Jess rolled his eyes.

Ella leaned down and whispered in Erin’s ear. Straightening up again, Ella watched Erin’s gaze roam over to Jess doubtfully.

“What kind of a name is Cosmo?” Erin asked.

“Listen, my mom’s into crystals and-” Jess began, but Michael called Erin over for something.

“Gotta go,” Erin said, and skipped off towards her father without another word.

“C’mon, Elle,” Jess groaned, a blush creeping up his neck and warming the tips of his ears.

She chuckled, nudging him with her shoulder. “Sorry, Cosmo.”

Before Jess was able to retort, Fiona and Jake approached them. Considering they were split up, the peculiarity of the two of them arriving together wasn’t lost on anyone, not that it would ever be mentioned. At a closer proximity, Ella was surprised to see how different Jake looked. His hair was greyer, he was skinnier, there were dark circles under his eyes. Whatever has been going on in Maryland didn’t seem to be conducive to health. She had to bite back her sigh at the sight of him. Fiona was more or less the same, though Ella had visited her more or less recently. She couldn’t remember the last time she had laid eyes on her father. The shadow of the man he had been when she was a child was almost completely gone. Her heart twisted painfully in her chest.

“Hey, kids,” Fiona said, giving Ella a quick hug.

“Oh, hi,” Ella chirped, surprised at her instant warmth.

She also hugged Jess, shocking everyone involved.

“So good to see you guys! How are things in Philly? Adam tells me you just got a new apartment?” Fiona asked, buzzing and bubbly. Her black hair was cropped close to her head. Ella remembered how she used to let apprentices at the beauty salon experiment on her locks during breaks.

“Yeah, we’ve been there about a month,” Ella said. “It’s only a few blocks over from school. I can walk there.”

“How nice,” Fiona smiled.

“It is,” Jess agreed.

Shifting uncomfortably from foot-to-foot, Jake finally interjected. “Hi, Ellie.”

“Hey, dad,” she said, biting the inside of her cheek.

“Young man,” Jake greeted Jess coldly, nodding.

Jess gave a curt nod and a thin-lipped smile in response.

There was a long pause before anyone spoke again, filled with distant, amiable chatter of other families and shrieks of congratulations. Out of the corner of her eye, Ella could see Adam was already off with his friends. Soon, they would be headed to dinner and Project Graduation. Part of Ella was glad Adam didn’t want a big day of family celebration. No one would’ve survived any extended period of false positivity.

“I see you’ve got tattoos now, Ellie,” Jake said, looking down at the tulip on her arm, exposed in her spaghetti strap dress. “Your mother would’ve called that sinful, you know.”

The corners of Ella’s lips tugged up into a resentful smile, the words dripping with venom as they left her mouth before she could stop them. “Well, it’s a good thing she’s dead then, isn’t it?”

Both Fiona and Jake’s jaws dropped and it seemed all the oxygen had been sucked out of the air around them. Ella’s stomach dropped and she brought her hand over her mouth just after she said it. Her hazel eyes grew to the size of saucers. Immediately, Jess took her by the shoulders and began leading her in the direction of the diner, blurting out excuses.

“Hey, nice to see you folks, but we have to get to Rory’s graduation party tonight and it’d be pretty rude if we were late so…” he trailed off, stopping once they were far enough away, leaving Fiona and Jake flabbergasted and speechless.

“Oh my god,” Ella muttered, chewing at her thumbnail for the first time in what felt like forever. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I was gonna try to be nice if he came, because...at least he showed up, right? Fuck. Oh my god. Jess. Oh my god.”

“It’s okay, Daria. Just try to relax,” Jess breathed, steering her towards the diner as she instantly began melting down.

“I can’t relax, Jess! Don’t fucking tell me to relax! Did you hear that?! Did you hear what I just said?!” she muttered hastily. “Fuck me! Fuck! Every time I see him, my fucking mouth-”

“Hey, language!” Luke scolded her as they entered the diner, the bell jingling jovially above the door. There were only a few customers scattered around, the mid-afternoon lull.

“God, Luke, I thought age was supposed to negatively affect your hearing!” Ella snapped as Jess directed her to a stool and sat her down, hopping up on the seat next to her.

“Joe Pesci here is having a bad day,” Jess explained shortly as Luke shot Ella a bewildered stare.

��What happened?” Luke asked, arching a brow.

Ella heaved a great sigh and placed her head in her hands, elbows on the counter. “Bigmouth has struck again. And apparently she has even less of a filter now than she did in high school!”

“Right,” Luke said, increasingly confused.

Running a hand up and down over Ella’s back as she continued fuming, Jess gave Luke a dejected glance. “Green tea?”

A shadow of realization passed over Luke’s face. “Comin’ right up.”

#jess mariano #jess mariano fanfiction #jess x oc fanfiction #jess mariano x oc fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #oc fanfiction #jess mariano imagines #jess mariano au #gilmore girls fanfiction #gilmore girls fanfic #gilmore girls au #gilmore girls imagines #luke danes #jess #mariano

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i-know-like-four-things · 4 years

Text

Panic and Confessions

This is a fic I wrote for @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover ‘s and @specialagentrin ‘s @representation-week

Rating: Gen

Word Count: 2338

Summary:

Sam has a nightmare and a resulting panic attack, meaning that he was up in the early hours of the morning. Someone else is up. Confessions and honest conversations ensue.

The faces our boys wear when no one but each other is looking

Warnings: Canon typical violence, minor self harm. My thought process when writing it is that it wasn't really intentional, it was more of just a tic that the character has. It was written to be like a maladaptive coping mechanism, but It could be triggering for some folks. Stay safe lovelies!

Read on AO3

Sam woke feeling like his head was underwater. He looked down and saw unfamiliar sheets, and he simply assumed he must have been in another nameless motel in middle America. He rested his eyes for a moment longer, not wanting to become a part of the real world just yet. Surely, Dean was still asleep so he could afford a few extra minutes of denial and peace.

He finally decided to open his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling above him. And there was Jess, trapped to the ceiling, surrounded by flames. She was screaming for help. Sam tried to get up and help her, to yell back at the very least, but he was parrylized. He could do little more than watch.

Suddenly, the heat intensified and Jess was gone. In her place was his mom, Mary. Mary’s skin was blistering, and her hair was almost all gone. More and more of her flesh disappeared in front of Sam’s eyes, and her screams intensified. All of her skin burned off, and then her muscles and bones started melting, dripping like hot oil onto Sam’s exposed flesh. Again, he tried to scream, but nothing came out.

When Mary had completely melted, the fire went out and the room was suddenly freezing. Sam could feel the cold seeping into his bones and drying Mary’s remains on his skin.

“Hey, Sammy. Long time no see,” said a voice, slickly sweet, from across the room. In the corner, by the door of the room, stood a man. The man was slightly shorter than Sam, with sandy blond hair and stubble.

Sam still could not speak, but he felt like screaming as soon as he realized who it was. Lucifer. Lucifer smiled sickeningly before throwing his hand out to the side. A flash of light came out of his hand and struck a sleeping Dean right in the chest. At the contact, Dean screamed an ear-shattering scream. He screamed for what felt like an eternity, sounding like he was rupturing his own vocal chords, until he collapsed, limp into his bed, smoke rising from his chest.

“Thank Chuck we finally got him out of the way,” Lucifer laughed and walked confidently over to Sam. Sam felt his eyes heat and moisten, and his chest clenched as the fallen angel drew closer, but he could still do nothing except lay there and wait.

Lucifer loomed over Sam, looking down at him. He snapped his fingers and suddenly Sam was naked, his arms chained above his head, with Mary’s remains still stuck to him. He could feel the sharp metal of the cuffs cutting into the skin of his wrists, and the damp floor freezing his soul through his feet. Sam heard dripping water somewhere, and he took a moment to think how chiche that was. Dripping water in a dungeon? How original.

Lucifer walked up to Sam, carrying a knife. Sam pulled on the metal collar around his neck, again feeling it biting into his flesh, but to no avail. “Well, Sam,” Lucifer sneered, “this is going to be fun.”

Sam woke, for real this time, in his bed in the bunker. He was drenched from head to toe in sweat even though he was freezing. He sat up in his bed, tapping at his sternum. He had picked up that habit the first time that he had a panic attack and was trying to tell Dean even though he couldn’t speak. Now, any time his heart started to race and his breathing became unnatural, he would tap at his sternum until it became painful.

Sam hunched over and clutched at his hair, focusing on his breathing. In for seven, hold for four, out for eight. In for seven, hold for four, out for eight. Eventually, he realized that this wasn’t the type of panic attack that he could stop, and that he would just have to wait it out. He hunched over, letting the tears flow freely from his eyes. He let himself hyperventilate, digging his fingers into his skin. Sometimes he wasn’t breathing. He would breathe in, hold it, unable to force himself to exhale, until he was dizzy. Then all the air would come rushing out at one. Then a labored, slow, and painful inhale.

It went on for ten minutes, where Sam was grasping for breath, his vision blacking out and him digging at his skin. Claw marks on his thighs. Crescent moons on his palms. Blood under his nails and on the rough patches on his face. Salt in his mouth.

When it finally subsided, Sam was exhausted, but even so he did not want to go back to sleep. It was more of a physical exhaustion, the one he felt in his bones, but his brain was running like a hyperactive labrador. So Sam decided to go wash his face off with cold water and then make some coffee. He’d have a lazy day if he had to, but he was not risking more of those dreams.

Sam slowly made his way to the bunker’s main bathrooms. They were set up like a college dorm. Some of the rooms had individual bathrooms, but sometimes Sam liked to go to the main ones; they reminded him of Stanford. So Sam slowly made his way to the stalls, running his hands over the walls of the bunker, letting the rough texture ground him.

He rounded the corner to the bathroom, and pushed open the heavy wooden door. He walked into the bathroom and was confronted with a very interesting sight. Cas was standing over the sink, in front of the mirrors. In front of him, he had various multi-colored things in front of him. And Sam had seen this scene before; he had lived with enough women to know what doing makeup looked like.

Cas was applying eyeshadow with the most delicate touches. He was going back and forth now, making sure that his eyes were symmetrical. When Cas decided that the eye shadow was good enough, he picked up his eyeliner to start applying that. Sam realized he was staring.

“Cas?” Sam asked, startling the angel. Cas dropped his eyeliner and it clattered loudly in the sink. He stared at Sam, a deer in headlights, but said nothing. Both men stared at each other in silence, neither one knowing what to say.

“I think we need to have a conversation,” Cas finally said.

“I’m all ears,” Sam held his hands open expectantly.

Cas sighed. “Would it be okay if we wait for Dean to get up? I’ve been meaning to talk to both of you, and I’m not really sure I want to have this conversation twice.” Cas looked down at his feet.

Sam felt for the guy, he really did. “Sure, Cas. Whatever you want,” Cas let out a breath of relief and turned to the sink to wash his makeup off. Sam felt his chest clench a little at the sight, but he brushed it off.

So Sam went to the kitchen and started making coffee. He looked at the clock and saw that it read 4:30. He went about his morning routine, getting ready to make eggs and bacon when he thought Fuck it. Dean doesn’t need to sleep any longer. Let's have a chat with Cas. Sam scampered off to Dean’s room, having decided to put all of his energy into being the most annoying little brother he could be.

Sam slammed open the door to Dean’s room letting it knock into the wall. Dean jumped up and swung his gun at Sam, but Sam didn’t flinch. He just flicked on the light and went over to Dean’s bed and ripped the covers off.

“What the fuck, man?” Dean demanded, putting the gun away and rubbing his eyes, “It's way too goddamn early for you to have this much energy.”

Sam leveled him with a bitch face, “I can’t sleep, Cas doesn’t sleep, and he wants to have a conversation with us. I didn’t want to wait for your lazy ass.”

Dean grumbled and rolled out of bed, “It’s not my fault that I live with a bunch of insomniacs.”

The brothers walked to the kitchen. At this point, the coffee was done brewing, and Sam made a b-line for it, before Dean shoved him out of the way. Dean grabbed the biggest coffee mug they had and filled it to the brim before he let Sam at it. Dean sat at the counter and wallowed in how terrible it was to be awake at such an early hour, and Sam went to find Cas.

Dean only dozed off twice while Sam was gone, and he thought that was pretty good. When Sam and Cas walked in the kitchen, Dean sent the angel a dopey smile as he took the seat across from Dean. Sam sat next to his brother.

Cas fidgeted and looked very uncomfortable with the prospect of telling the boys what had been weighing on him. He clenched and unclenched his hands, looked up at Dean, then down at the table, then up at Sam, then down at the table. Finally, he took a deep breath and sighed.

“When I became human, and when I was not in the bunker, there was a lot that I learned by observing and speaking with the people. The longer I was with them, the more I learned about myself. I began to feel that I did not belong, and not simply because I had been an angel. Part of this feeling of not belonging, I discovered, had to do with my not feeling as though I were a man. As I have explained in the past, angels do not have gender. At least, we do not experience gender in the same way that most humans do. From my understanding, angels experience similar genders to those of humans, but with a lesser intensity.

“One day I met a very interesting person who helped me realize who I was. This person said that they did not feel as though they fit into the ‘default’ categories of gender. They felt that their gender was something else, and was both masculine and feminine. They said the name for this gender was ‘nonbinary.’ I explained how I was feeling to this person in regards to my own gender, and they said that I might be described as nonbinary.

“Soon after that, I met up with the two of you, I met April, and you know how the rest goes. When I was working at the gas n’ sip, I did some of my own research about my gender. I came to the conclusion that I was, in fact, nonbinary. After this realization, it took me some time to come to terms with it myself. The more I read about non cisgender people, the more I realized how hard human life was for them -- for us. I was unsure how the two of you felt about gender, and how you would react to mine.” Cas pressed his lips together and lifted his eyebrows, indicating that he didn’t know quite where to go from there.

Cas ran his fingers over each other, waiting for one of the brothers to respond. To him, Sam looked very taken aback and confused; Cas couldn’t really nail down his reaction. Dean, on the other hand, just looked tired. Not tired like he does when he’s hopeless and beat down, but tired like he had just woken up, which he had, so Cas assumed that he was unfazed by this development. The coil in Cas’ stomach wound itself tighter around his internal organs as he waited for the boys to react.

Sam looked all over the kitchen, sometimes beginning to ask a question and then shutting his mouth. Sam had that deep furrow in his brow that he got when he was trying to solve a particularly hard puzzle. Dean just took another sip of his coffee.

Dean broke the silence first. “So,” Cas finally made eye contact, “what’re your pronouns?”

Cas blinked stupidly for a few moments before he responded. “Uh, they/them.”

“And is Cas still good or do you want to change that?” Cas’ lips turned up in the corners a little at that.

“No, Dean. ‘Cas’ is still good.”

Dean nodded and went back to his coffee acting completely unbothered by everything. Cas’ nerves settled a little, but Sam still looked confused. His eyes flicked between Cas and Dean for a few moments.

“Uh, thanks for sharing, Cas. I appreciate your honesty.” Cas nodded his head, and Sam just looked at Dean, even more confused. “I’m honestly more taken aback by how you’re reacting to this, Dean.”

Dean choked down his sip of coffee before answering angrily, “What the hell’s that supposed to mean, Sammy?”

“Well,” Sam looked away, “you have always been around hunters and hunters are not known to be overly accepting.”

“Well screw you. I’m accepting. I know all about the gay community. So this gender thing isn’t new to me. I’m cool with it.”

“How the hell do you ‘know all about the gay community’?”

“I may or may not have done some research a while back and I learned a lot.”

“And?” Cas finally spoke up, raising their left eyebrow and smiling a bit. The corners of Dean’s mouth turned up a little as he looked at Cas.

Dean held Cas’ gaze as he said, “Turns out I’m bi.” They were both full-on grinning now.

“Well, I’m pan.”

“So, cool!” Sam said, a little loudly and very uncomfortably. “I’m just a straight man and this was a much more open conversation than I was expecting. Thank you both for your honesty.” Sam slapped his legs and got up to get coffee, deciding that he had been up for too long and that this was too much to process without some help. Cas moved their hand to the center of the table, and Dean placed his over it gently, continuing to sip his coffee in peace

#representation week #nonbinary castiel #pansexual castiel #bisexual Dean #ptsd #panic attack #Cameron Black's Reads #fanfic #spn fic

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musekicker · 4 years

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Core Burn chapter 2

Core Burn chapter 2, lets go!

Night had fallen by time Terry, the replicates, and Pupa were done with the water park.

Fun had been had by all.

Well, maybe not as much fun as Terry would had liked to have. As determined as he had been to enjoy the day despite the lack of Korvo being there, Terry had felt a bit of that regret all day.

No amount of water slides and wave pools seemed to fix that. He even thought of Korvo when shopping at the gift shop and had gotten him a mug to drink coffee out of.

"We're back!" Terry called out.

Terry entered the house, holding the Pupa who now had a pair of water park themed sun glasses in it's hands. Another purchase from the water park's gift shop.

The mug and the sun glasses were not the only two purchase from the gift shop. Terry himself was wearing t shirt that proudly proclaimed that he had survived the mega super death slide.

In truth, he hadn't even touched the mega super death slide but if the shirt he wore said so maybe people would think he had.

Jesse and Yumyulack pushed past Terry.

"Korvo!" Jesse called out. "You missed all the fun!"

"Fun? Jesse spent the whole time in the lazy river." Yumyulack said.

"Hey, i deserve some lazy time." Jesse said. "And that's not true. I spent some time in the wave pool. Don't you pool shame me."

Terry wasn't listening to the argument, now realizing how dark the house seemed now. Unusually so.

Did Korvo get caught up with working and forgot to leave the house lights on?

"Is it a little... ominous in here?" Jesse asked, catching on to how off things felt now.

Normally Yumyulack would be making fun of Jesse, saying that she was being paranoid. But then, he was sensing something very much off himself.

"I don't like this." Yumyulack said, subtly stepping in front of Jesse, Terry, and Pupa.

A protective move, even if Yumyulack himself would never admit it.

A short stretch of silence. Then movement.

Yumyulack reacted before he even knew why he was reacting.

Something had been thrown and he had caught something. Yumyulack looked at what he had caught.

A knife. he had caught a knife by it's handle.

Yumyulack stared at the knife in disbelief. The blade had been mere inches from stabbing him right between the eyes.

Yumyulack's first thought was that someone had broke into the home and had set this up to kill them all. With that thought, he was suddenly very worried for Korvo.

He wasn't worried about Korvo for too long as Jesse turned the lights on and standing not far was Korvo.

He was moving in a unsettling way. Like a puppet on strings. His movements seemed stiff and expression strained.

"Korvo be careful! You could have hit one of us." Terry cried.

Korvo snarled, showing teeth.

"Are you mad about us going to the water park without you? Hey, you're the grump who didn't want to go." Terry said. "What are you doing throwing knives in the dark anyways?"

Korvo's eyes were wrong. They were a blistering red. He had not spoken yet and his expression still looked a tad unhinged.

Then he hacked up ash.

It occurred to Terry now to be afraid.

"Oh that's wrong." Yumyulack said.

Making the situation more frighting, Korvo pulled out a glowing blade. One of the weapons from Shlorp that had been in storage. It was long, wicked looking, serrated blade and no one wanted to imagine the damage it could do.

Korvo let out a vicious yell and then he ran at the trio.

"Run run run!" Terry cried.

There was no need of prompting. Pupa held close in Terry's arms and the replicates right behind Terry, the trio started running up the stairs. They were halfway up the stairs when Terry and Yumyulack were stopped when Jesse shouted.

Korvo had her ankle. Jesse was trying to pull her ankle free from Korvo's grip.

"Let go!" Jesse shrieked.

Korvo was not listening. He was still trying to pull Jesse back, the blade still in his other hand.

"Sorry Korvo." Yumyulack said before kicking Korvo in the face.

Korvo cried out and let go of Jesse's foot before he stumbled back down the stairs. It gave Jesse enough time to scramble up the stairs.

Once upstairs they ducked into the attic. In seconds they were dragging furniture over to the door to block it.

"That should keep him out for a bit." Terry said.

It was only then that everyone was able to get a moment to catch their breaths. Only a moment though before getting to the problem at hand.

"What the fuck was that all about!?" Yumyulack cried.

"Why would Korvo try to kill us?" Jesse added in.

Terry didn't have a answer. yes Korvo could be on the grumpy side but he was not someone who just turned around and murdered the ones he cared about.

He was still trying to think of a answer he could give to the replicates that were clearly scared. Terry was scared too but now pushed into the role as the only adult that wasn't going to kill anyone, he needed to not show that.

Terry looked around the room, mainly to try and get a moment to try and calm himself.

That was when Terry saw it. The trail of red gel that lead to the package in the trash can.

A jab of cold fear hit Terry.

Terry now knew what he was looking at and knew just how bad this was.

"Oh shit, stay back you two." Terry cried, pulling Jesse and Yumyulack away from the package by their shoulders.

"What is it?" Jesse asked.

Terry didn't answer her question. Taking care of the parasite now was all that was on his mind.

"Get that blue vial right there. The one with the pills in it." Terry said.

Jesse moved to the shelf Terry was pointing at.

"Is now really the time for drugs? Korvo just tried to kill us! And I don't know about you two but I hadn't done anything to earn a stabbing attempt today." Yumyulack said.

Terry ignored Yumyulack comment as he handed the pupa to Yumyulack and Jesse handed him the vial.

Taking the vial and opening it, carefully he approached the red gel, stopping at every step to make sure the parasite was not trying to move towards him. When he was close enough Terry broke the pill until the powder inside poured out onto the red gel.

The red gel instantly started to curl up. Then it turned brittle and soon was nothing but dust.

Terry did not seem entirely pleased by this reaction despite his clear fear of the red gel.

"Son of a bitch. It is what I thought." Terry said.

"What's going on?" Yumyulack asked.

"Yeah, what was that stuff?" Jesse asked.

Terry was already moving on to the package itself in the garbage bin. It would take more then a few pills to make sure all of that parasite in the package was dead.

"It was a parasite. One from our home planet. How it got here... Korvo didn't have any samples of it I think..." Terry said, half to the replicates and half to himself. "But with how Korvo was acting, he must already be infected."

"Infected with what?" Yumyulack asked.

Terry turned to the replicates and Pupa.

"Korvo has core burn." Terry said.

"What's core burn?" Jesse asked.

Terry was still shaken from the discovery of the parasite. It took him a minute to get his nerves back in order enough to be able to answer Jesse's question.

"It's this thing where there is a parasite gets in you and it starts to burn you from the inside out. I should had know when he was coughing up ash! That's like the number one symptom. That and making the host want to kill everything they love." Terry said.

"Why would a parasite want to destroy everything he loves too? That just seems extra mean!" Jesse said.

"I don't know. I bet Korvo could tell you. he knows this smart shit. He would know what to do if it was one of us with core burn." Terry said.

"Well, Korvo's the one with core burn so we need to figure it out." Yumyulack said.

Terry was trying to stay calm but he could not help but gooblering just a bit.

"We can figure this out." Terry said, very much not feeling like he was in any way having any control.

Pupa slipped free from Yumyulack's hold to explore the attic a bit more. So many things for a curious Pupa to play with here after all. They ended up at the console and playing with some buttons. Their innocent play happened to start the recording Korvo had left.

Everyone's attention turned to the console, all of them listening to the message. The possible last lucid words from their loved one.

Terry felt sick thinking about that. He felt sicker at the instructions Korvo had given if they could not save him.

End him.

How could he do that? How could Korvo even think he do that?

Terry hadn't realized he had started the video over. He paused it then, staring at the still image of Korvo.

"Oh, this is so bad. You can fix this, can't you?" Jesse asked.

Terry said nothing, still staring at the still image, barely realizing he was reaching out to touch the face of Korvo on the screen.

Yumyulack said nothing either. His silence was a different silence. One that was taking in everything and trying to figure out what their move was suppose to be. He had no more time to think though as then the door to the attic splinter open.

Everyone screamed and Korvo entered the attic. Korvo no longer had a blade in hand. He had upgraded to a gun of Shlorp origins.

"Huh, guess he found the door blasting ray. That might had helped last week when we got locked out of the house." Terry said.

"Don't fucking move." Korvo hissed.

Not Korvo, the parasite. It was stealing his voice. Stealing his life.

Terry completely moved. He tackled Korvo. Korvo got a blast off that made the replicates duck and cringe. No one was hit thankfully.

"Get Pupa somewhere safe! And then get the net gun." Terry called out, trying to keep Korvo down and wrestle the gun out of his hands.

Jesse picked up the Pupa and she and Yumyulack ran.

That left Terry to deal with keeping Korvo busy.

"Korvo please! I know you're still in there! Don't do this!" Terry cried.

Korvo tried to bite Terry.

"Hey! No biting! Not cool parasite!" Terry shouted.

Korvo broke a hand free and back handed Terry across the face. Terry yelped and was dazed for a moment. That gave Korvo the chance to get to his feet, hauling Terry up with him and then slamming Terry up against the wall.

Terry yelped again.

Korvo kept Terry held up against the wall, and leaned in to get face to face with Terry. Korvo spoke again, his voice sounding rough and raw.

"My core burns for you." Korvo said.

#solar opposites

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she-toadmask · 3 years

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I’m kind of in a mood suddenly so below the cut there will be me just talking about fanfics I have read or am reading and why I like fanfic and stuff because I need to just

Fanfiction fucking rocks the basic part before all the stuff about it as the story just...it’s so easy to access and there’s so much and it’s just all there on the internet I don’t have to find a physical book

And on AO3 (where 90% of good currently-updating fic is afaik) there is TAGGING where you will know what you’re getting into (unless the author suddenly adds a sex scene and only then updates the tags but at least they give a warning at the start of the chapter but it doesn’t bother me as much as it did a couple years ago as long as I know it’s coming I know it’s a tool and it has its uses) with character drama and deaths and all that jazz not to mention how Ash being a badass has a specific tag and just other random things having tags that are important parts of the story

Like there are multiple fics I have found (not all of them are living fics sadly) of writing Ash’s journey in the beginning differently, like there was one I saw once that I kind of forgot to keep reading where he went to Sinnoh (and was still rivals with Paul and I think their ship tag was there?) and it said it was following game plot and then there’s one that I definitely don’t have open anymore because it didn’t update for some amount of time where he had a Joltik and then a Ferroseed and it’s really cool and a different one that’s still living and it’s called Pity of the World and Jesse + James (who is genderfluid in this fic) + Meowth are good people and stuff and just steal abused Pokemon and they run into Ash and they all end up being travel buddies and Ash understands Pokemon (not literally of course that’s not this fic) and also just knows what James’ gender is before they say anything and also in one chapter Zapdos is in Gringy City and says something about friendship being for mortals or something??? idk we’ll see and then there’s a different fic that I was reading and lost when switching devices and Ash was raised by Pokemon and literally can speak Pokemon and it was really neat but I haven’t tried to find where I left off because I’m too lazy for that tbh but it is still updating it’s Symbiosis or Symbiotic or something like that

Most things involving Ash that aren’t shippy or weird like that (ok there are some I’m not interested in but whapdfajaldjakjdf) end up being really cool because he’s a fucking legendary magnet which can either be played for laughs or deadly serious or just not be part of the fic if it isn’t relevant and so many fics use Aura it’s really cool (including Pity of the World I think he mega evolves Pidgeot (who evolves before leaving) when he fights Sabrina who does not have a doll in this fic) and there are different ways they do it and the thing I was mentioning about his connection with Pokemon like maybe it’s just a bit more than normal or it’s just yes he is everything and I kinda skipped out on gens 6 and 7 of the anime but I get enough to understand what they mean in chat fics and when referring to it in other fics it’s really cool

I think I mentioned Creepypasta and how there were two Harry Potter Creepypasta fics, one that was one and was slow to update if it wasn’t dead and one that was on the fourth one actually I was wrong about what number it was I think and updates every two weeks the first one is more lighthearted/written by a younger person like Slendy is a character and Harry x a lot of the ‘pastas I guess and it takes place starting before 4th year and the beginning is kinda meh with some weird dialogue and absurd levels of Dumbledore Ron and Hermione bashing but it does call out some of the other legitimate problems like how the lake trial in the tournament just kidnaps people which is very big because it was Ben who was kidnapped so big yikes there and honestly it’s not what you want to read if you want something really high-quality and serious like not that it doesn’t take itself seriously but it feels closer to something I would have read when I was in middle school than most of the Sanders Sides fics I read (just using that as comparison because the vast majority of that is well-written stuff). Then the other one!!!! For one it has a much more realistic/developed take on the Creepypastas’ existence like how the stories are how they exist with Slenderman being a cosmic horror being thing more than a character with character which is always really cool and Jeff kidnaps Harry as a baby (he is Boy when he is with the Creepypasta and Harry when at Hogwarts and there’s some really cool stuff about how they’re different) and, having lived with murderers, Harry gives zero fucks about things and kills Fluffy in the first book long before other stuff happens, Quirrel tries to use him to get the stone but gets annihilated at the mirror because family and then Voldemort is just a giant white snake for the rest of the series so far and also because he sucks Lockhart tries to exorcise Harry because Harry is fucking nuts and it’s great and also Harry is a Hufflepuff and there is probably more Gryffindor bashing than is necessary and pretty much all the adults get bashed for sucking (like in book 3 the boggart stuff is called out for being hella dangerous for them also Harry can’t cast the Patronus charm make of that what you will idk what) though Harry does make for quite the conversation topic among the teachers, Harry x Neville is the main ship and Neville eventually gets resorted into Hufflepuff because the Gryffindors are being massive dicks to him, also Harry flirts with Draco because Harry gives no fucks and it’s great (also both books give Luna lots of love, like the young one she’s a Seer like from Madame Macabre’s old webcomic that’s dead as it gets and the long one she’s just a good character and shit) and Harry makes these books to spread Slenderman’s legend throughout Britain/the Wizarding World and Draco may have gotten one and survived???? but now Neville has one during the summer months (and also through feeding Fanged Geraniums or whatever live stuff and blood instead of bonemeal he is creating Audrey II and straight-up says something about having to call it Harry Jr. but that’s probably just a little joke and isn’t going to stay beyond this but it’s just fun because Little Shop of Horrors slaps) and I have big fear about him doing the stuff and getting hurt and Harry/Boy conflict will be scary

There’s this other fic I found when trying to find good fics involving Ash and it’s kinda weird and seems to be written by a younger author but we’ll see where things go, like Harry got transported by Celebi to the world of Pokemon and Giovanni is Silver and Ash’s dad and they live with him and also Harry does too and he’s in a wheelchair and also is really smart and I wish we had gotten to spend a bit longer seeing their dynamics before when Harry is 14 the Goblet of Fire somehow spits his name out and Celebi helps with getting Harry (and also the other three because of course) safely there without dying because dimensional travel is hard and Celebi is friend and Luna gets to be important here too I think she’s shown up as a named student and guided them to a room and seems to know things about the castle and that’s kinda all there is so far there’s a bit more but it’s not got a lot yet I hope the author keeps going it’s a weird idea but I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes

Oh I forgot to talk about it but there’s this whump Ash fic that was being written under one title but it got dropped and now it’s being rewritten with the same concept but under a new title and going about a lot of things a different way it’s just the same starting premise and the fic is Helpless and Ash almost dies multiple times and there’s this theme of adults failing him and also Gary fucks a thing up and Ash needs support and therapy (a good number of fics have Ash needing therapy but given the shit he’s been through that is not surprising especially from my limited knowledge of Kalos holy shit Lysandre was doing some mad shit) and it’s just good but it is a lot of hospital and Ash being hurt and almost dying so be warned if that isn’t a safe read for you

The reason I don’t just outright block explicit anymore despite the horrors of trying to find safe Pokemon fic on AO3 amidst the consensual porn, incest porn, pokephilia porn, etc., is I randomly decided to try and find some Sonic fanfic on AO3 because a couple people on YouTube have been doing Sonic story stuff (Sonic What If has some good stuff that’s just... what-if scenarios and then there’s Sonic Rewritten which takes a game’s plot and then redoes it but good like the Deadly Six having personalities or Sonic 06 not having maybe bestiality or Generations being more than ‘oh past and present stages now have nostalgia’ and Robotnik and Eggman are significantly different people in that one and it’s really cool) and I thought maybe I would find some good stuff on AO3 (which I have but nothing that I want to ramble about specifically though there was one fic where Eggman does Tails clone and then his original body dies so he’s stuck looking like Tails and it’s kinda wild) and I found a fic that was marked explicit because torture and violence (honestly it wasn’t that bad) and I like it and don’t want to miss something that I might like by accidentally blocking it and now when I try to find Pokemon fic I have to see Leon x Hop and Pokemon x human smut.

There’s one Sanders Sides fic that I was reading and I don’t remember the name nor do I know if it’s updating I think I lost it but it started from the beginning of the series with the Dark Sides being a platonic poly family and when they weren’t in the episode they were talking about it/the Light Sides and it’s honestly really really good and the author just decided to have Deceit’s name be Janus and it was amazing when it turned out that was his real name it was just great but IDK if the fic has been abandoned, I think I lost it in the shift, but it was really good (but sympathetic dark sides and unsympathetic patton and roman and logan for a bit so do be warned if those aren’t comfortable for you)

Oh yeah I remembered another fic I can talk about there was this one Creepypasta fic and it’s completed and it is a Jeff x Reader but it kind of just stops being about the romance after a certain point and just goes way off the rails. It starts like ‘oh this will be a normal x reader with mansion and Slendy is dad and Zalgo is probably evil’ and then NOPE SLENDERMAN HAS BEEN RAISING FAMILIES THAT LOVE HIM TO TURN THEM INTO CRYSTALS TO MAKE HIM MORE POWERFUL AND ZALGO IS AGAINST THAT and it just is great like I never see Zalgo being good, like Slenderman being evil or whatever is plenty common (especially in the innumerable ARG fics I don’t read because I don’t have the attention span to learn what the fuck the source is) but never in tandem with Zalgo being anything but chaotic evil n shit it’s wild and it’s great and also Slenderman’s parents have faces I guess idk that was weird also there is one smut chapter but like the author said you can skip the smut and I did and didn’t feel like I missed any plot stuff so if that’s a no for you just keep an eye out for the author’s warning. It is by a younger writer, as demonstrated by its daily updates while it was being written, tiny chapters, and some general writing style stuff common to younger writers, but honestly I just love it for being something so wildly different, under the guise of a typical x Reader fic.

Speaking of ship stuff and Creepypasta the trilogy of Sans x Creepypasta fics are amazing. The writer definitely improves over time, the beginning of the first book kind of has the weird ‘then I knew I was in love’ stuff from a couple of the pastas (then again I’m ace and demiro so starting romance is just generally weird) but it is just a really good series. Sans ends up with seven kids in the third book and, while everyone else in the Undertale cast is bashed in the first two, Papyrus does seem to get some redemption in the third, so there is that. Also Murderer Sans is a fantastic tag, Gaster made a deal with Zalgo to create the skelebros and Sans is more demon than Papyrus by a lot and Zalgo is trying to kidnap Sans and Sans’ children so he has his family together to destroy the world and wander free and it’s wild and also Chara and Flowey show up and also LJ being an angel is mentioned and relevant to the plot for a bit so that’s neat and I don’t know all the details of how it ends because I lost it when I shifted and didn’t want to find where I was but it’s a great fic (albeit with a few things I can argue on) and the author has also been writing other Sans x Creepypasta stuff but I haven’t read it because idk

I really wish I had a good Minecraft fanfic to gush about but I really don’t it’s hard to find Minecraft fic that isn’t tuber-based, either Dream and friends (which occasionally I find a good one but so much is either Dream SMP which I have no interest in getting into, involves people I don’t know from Dream SMP, or just is shippy or straight-up doesn’t have a premise I’m interested in) or Hermitcraft (I fell behind so I have no idea what’s happening anymore) (but also like Mianite and Aphmau stuff but not as much as used to, but now Dream rules all so), and it just sucks. Like if some of it was Team Crafted fic I would be on board like hell yeah give me that nostalgia juice but it’s so much shit I just don’t know. I love the idea of Minecraft fanfic because there are so many options for the world and you can either make your own characters and you probably have to but then there’s just if you use Steve Alex Herobrine or Notch how they are written depends on the author and I live for that shit it’s a big part of why I read Creepypasta fic it’s because I like when there are different ways characters can be done (not unsympathetic or sympathetic like Patton so much like straight-up different characters) like Herobrine and Notch are the big ones like good vs evil, involved vs not, serious vs comedic, there are so many different ways to play them and I’m so disappointed AO3 doesn’t have much of it and so much of it is just Dream stuff and it usually just isn’t what I’m after in a fic.

The only other fics coming to mind right now are two wildly different fics involving Springtrap x Reader, one of them is being transferred from Wattpad for copy reasons, complete with tiny-ass chapters and that language that’s just so middle-school in the best way possible (like William and Springtrap are different consciousnesses and they way the author describes their struggle at one point is just so similar to a stupid thing I did and I have so much affection for it) and the other is legitimately really really good and the reader-insert has recently found out that Springtrap is William Afton and has murdered many children and they are currently dying multiple times to help his victims pass on because they can see ghosts and it’s actually really good and I have no idea where things are going, reader has currently met up with Michael Afton, currently all purple and dead and stuff, and has learned about remnant (weird-ass shit from modern FNAF lore) and it’s getting wild. I feel like there are two types of FNAF fic, ones in the style of FNAF 3/4 and earlier and ones from maybe 4 onward. Like ones where the lore was basically ‘bad man committed murder against children and they’re possessing the animatronics and that’s why they’re trying to kill you’ and then 4 starts having some more expansive lore ish and then after that it just goes everywhere with remnant and scooping and even more locations and also the books matter probably??? There is this one fic involving Glitchtrap that hasn’t updated in a bit and it’s fun, I like the idea of Glitchtrap and really wish I could read more fic just centered around FNAF VR. Then again, BEN was always one of my favorites and after I stopped being absolutely terrified of Herobrine I really liked his possibilities, maybe I just like the story utility and possible execution of characters with wide-ranging powers over technology and affecting the real world outside of it, IDK.

Ok I’m out of ramble energy, and also topics unless I go more in-depth about specific character options, but my energy is gone so I think that’s the end of it. I typed 3,000 words about fanfictions I’m reading and probably could have talked more about some of them if I wanted. This is my new hyperfixation. I guess. At least I know I have one, it’s reassuring to know for some reason, like for a while I missed how much Pokemon was my life in elementary school and Minecraft was in sixth grade, like it was nice just having something to focus on, though maybe that’s just the college and depression talking.

That was good, I’m glad I did that. Y’all are loved.

If you seriously read this entire thing... Wow. I really appreciate you digitally listening to me talking about random fanfic shit that I like. You’re really really cool.

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villainever · 5 years

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Killing Eve + making worlds and workplaces for women

killing eve very frequently – and obviously quite rightly – gets discussed as a feminist screen text, but i feel like we often talk about the individual characters, how fantastic they clearly are, and how flawed/developed/multifacted/interesting they’ve grown to be. but another thing killing eve does phenomenally well is subvert power structures and institutions, and populate them with women in a way we rarely see. for example, in season 1, eve’s MI5 office is unusually gender-balanced for television (it’s her, elena, bill and frank), and when carolyn is introduced, she’s immediately painted as almost an urban legend – elena raves about how incredible she is and how much she’d love to work with her, and we’re positioned to view her with intrigue and awe. this “mysterious, unreadable, probably damaged but definitely utterly competent and slightly amoral” character would typically go to a man – probably a slightly misogynistic one who’d gradually form a “grudging respect” for the women on his new team, as the women act as a device to coax him into the New Modern World and soothe his trauma. but carolyn gives this archetype an internal makeover and new vitality, and neatly sidesteps stereotyping: she’s not a “bitchy boss”; she never yells, or insults; she’s at times eerily calm, and methodically works her way through problems. this is especially poignant when we think of male characters who rail against female leaders for being “too emotional”, and proceed to spend half the movie throwing tamper-tantrums. at the same time, though, she doesn’t feel emotionless to prove a point, or simply to be the stoic; we get a very real sense of her pragmatism and cold war-conditioning, and the interlocking mechanisms of her many layers. carolyn’s character (both her writing and shaw’s acting) are totally genius, but the main point im trying to raise here is that the parts of Mentor and Career Aspiration are inhabited by a woman, and 60yo woman going full-speed at that – not someone who’s barely 39 but treated as basically a retiree.

next, we’ve got carolyn’s boss, played by zoe wanamaker in 2x04. yes, she’s not in the show for long – although she may make a reappearance? not sure – but her value is more symbolic than anything. in her scene, we get the impression of her power (she gets to make carolyn wait :o), and while she’s also a severe older woman, she’s very much distinct from carolyn in personality, which is pretty unique; often, writers will prescribe bulk-identities to all their minor characters who fall into certain groups, out of a mix of laziness and ignorance. anyway, wanamaker’s helen is shown eating (another rant-worthy point is how the frequency and ease with which killing eve’s women are portrayed as actually eating food is tragically radical), and she lashes out at carolyn before soothing herself easily once again – she’s capricious and less reserved and measured than carolyn, but equally potent. we also get a strong vibe of a long and complex working relationship between these two, effortlessly implied by the writing and performance and even if we never double-back to it, it colours how we view carolyn and the system that i’ll (eventually) get around to making my argument about.

lastly, there’s julie, who plays the medical examiner in 2x01, and conducts the exhumation autopsy on allistair peel. she comes across as professional, capable, no-nonsense, but also warm and gallows-funny, hugging carolyn and sympathetic to eve’s slightly strange reaction to the corpse. like helen, she’s not in the show long, but it’s more her relevance as a symbol i want to discuss.

so what am i getting to by going on about carolyn and these relatively minor characters? well, i want to talk about how killing eve establishes for itself something of an ‘old girls’ club’. an ‘old boys’ club’ is the network of connections that form between (generally upperclass) men who went to the same schools or worked in the same companies, who get each other opportunities in a pay-it-forward kind of way throughout life; it’s one of the many ways that sites of privilege are maintained as sites of privilege. but with these older female characters, who all know and support each other, give each other second chances or off-the-books help, killing eve constructs its own version. through these interactions, we have the sense that carolyn is a part of a group of women across the government who ensure certain things happen at certain times for certain people.

even outside this senior boss ladies network, we have elena, eve and jess, who support and challenge and contradict each other – all successful women with different skillsets, trajectories, relationships, etc., and none of whom are white. not only does this show pass the bechdel test in under three minutes, but that conversation is between two women of colour. one of the many things i love about killing eve is that while it acknowledges (and even leverages) the disadvantages that marginalised groups face – e.g. villanelle is able to exploit conforming to the western ideals of femininity to lure men into a false sense of security; the ghost is able to pass through places unnoticed, etc. – it never makes that the core of the narrative. it isn’t focused on reinforcing these systemic barriers over and over, which is something a lot of shows do when they’re trying to be progressive, and all they end up doing is reminding us of the setbacks we face and how it’ll be a long, arduous struggle to improve things. instead, killing eve gives a nod to this sexist, racist, homophobic reality, but sidelines it, the way minorities are so often sidelined. rather than make all eve’s bosses and colleagues men “for the realism”, it throws a few male characters in there and then focuses on the women (look how much screentime kenny and hugo get compared to jess, another first-tier secondary character). it reimagines the chain of command as belonging to women, it takes power and allocates it how it sees fit. i adore this, because if someone said to the writers, “umm… i feel like there should be more men in charge… that’s just how it is…”, their response would probably be, “so what?” it wants to spend time with complex women in complex situations, so it just puts them there; there’s no spinning of the wheels to justify how so many women got to these high-ranking jobs in an institution designed to keep them in the lobby. it certainly never pretends women don’t have to cater to men and their sensibilities (take carolyn comforting frank in season 1), but it doesn’t get caught in ‘liberal’-dude-writer “look at these (skinny/pretty/fantasy-fulfillment) women push through the system and affect change from behind the scenes by showing their cleavage to *trick* men into doing what they want ;) girlpower, ladies”. it lets women BE the scene, unapologetically, without feeling pressed to explain or defend or negotiate by stuffing an equal number of male characters in. we get konstantin and aaron peel and various ambassadors or clerks who are men, but these are all characters on the outside looking in. killing eve isn’t arranging women as spaced out and in competition with each other; aside from villanelle, they’re all on the same side (and villanelle’s temporarily teamed up with them anyway), and they work together, while still being allowed internal tensions and clear relationships. i originally just intended to talk about how killing eve built us an old girls’ club, but i had More Thoughts, so that’s why this essay doesn’t stay totally on-thesis from here on, even though it is all about women and their positions in the narrative/workplace. another note – these women, for the most part, aren’t there to be love interests. we obviously have eve/villanelle, but they both have their own fully-developed characters, plus, their love interests are each other, not men. we have carolyn, but her affairs don’t control her storyline; they flit in and out, and are of far more signifiance to the men than to her – she’s an older woman who controls her sexuality, but doesn’t have any interest in letting it overtake her work (and we don’t have that ridiculous “uptight bitch learns to put relationship with basic bro above her lifelong career dream”). we have gemma, but while her narrative function is to give niko a final straw to leave, and to push eve further, she has agency in her arc; SHE is the one who pursues niko, and she does this in a respectable and understandable way. she’s not the “sexy temptress” who “lures” him away, and nor is she an “innocent” that he actively chases.

also, NONE of the women have their qualifications questioned. there is no “is carolyn experienced enough to have so much free reign?”, no “how did eve get to MI5?”. the way we’re always told to with male characters, the show expects us to accept that they’re fit for their roles. this is highlighted when eve kind of stumbles into being an authority on female assassins. she doesn’t have a phd in psych or anything, but she clearly has an affinity in her area, and she VERY quickly learns to own that. the first time carolyn calls her their resident expert, eve is a bit surprised, but then she’s just like, “huh, guess i am”, and runs with that confidence. these women are all tough, but they don’t have to dig out their own spaces. theyve got them, and the audience isn’t gently directed into wondering whether they actually should. we KNOW they should. unsurprisingly, considering much of killing eve is written/overseen by women, but this isn’t done for Woke Points. there’s no constant self-conscious grandstanding about how many women are in the series. the actors and writers talk about it in press, because theyre EXCITED, theyre THRILLED to finally have this, but that comes from a genuine place of joy to be involved in such a project, rather than a hapless grab for viewers. the female characters aren’t half-baked stocking-stuffers to net the 18-35W. theyre Actual Characters. bottom line is, isn’t it so nice? isn’t it so lovely to be watching something, and have women be in the foreground AND the background? to not have to smurfette effect, the “one of the main characters is a girl, can’t you just shut up now? smh so greedy”? to have minor female characters not as sexy set-dressing or rivals or “ew she’s ugly here’s what we don’t want our protagonist to be hahah amirite lads”? we get to see ourselves over and over, in so many different iterations. killing eve’s women aren’t just “empowered”, they HAVE POWER. they are in positions where they can use that power for good or bad or both, but they have sway and influence and we don’t have to watch a 22yo ingenue assimilate to a 98% male workplace. female characters in killing eve are REAL and PRESENT and we have an entire textured world that isn’t just modern, it’s extra-modern. we have our cake and eat it too: there are women throughout the workplace hierarchy but we still get a critique of how men manipulate the game, and both are managed expertly to ensure we get the social commentary AND get to enjoy the experience of watching women be intelligent and morally grey and sophisticated and manipulative and and AND. in conclusion, i will no longer be accepting applications from media that doesn’t have women in their cast because it “isnt realistic”. killing eve is tearing it up out there, and it’s almost overwhelmingly relieving to get to experience media like this.

*btw, im not trying to imply there are no women actually working at MI5. im sure there are many, but this is more a commentary on media interpretations (james bond, etc.), and the male dominated government landscape in general.

#killing eve #ke #killing eve s2 #killing eve season 2 #villainever #mine #villainever writes #villanelle #eve polastri #carolyn martens #ke analysis #villaneve #villanevest writes

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rebellect-writes · 4 years

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[SIZE=1][b]Name:[/b] Jess. [b]Age:[/b] 22. [b]Spare space in the brain?:[/b] No.

[align=center][IMG]http://i46.tinypic.com/242h8ie.jpg[/IMG] [/align]

[b]Name:[/b] William Kubiak. [b]Nicknames & Aliases:[/b] [LIST] [*] Birth Name: Darren William Kubiak. [*] Will, Kubiak, 'Oi, you!', Argumentative. [/LIST][b]Age:[/b] 31. [b]Date of Birth:[/b] August 10, 1981. [b]Gender:[/b] Male. [b]Sexual Orientation:[/b] Openly bisexual. [b]Occupation:[/b] Security for Aaru Transport.

[b]Animal Species:[/b] Polar Bear ([i]Ursus maritimus[/i].) [b]Animal Description: [/b] [IMG]http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltovfif8Au1qzya49o1_500.jpg[/IMG] [i]Weight:[/i] 1400lbs. [i]Height:[/i] 4.5 feet at the shoulders; 10.5 feet on his hind legs. [i]Length[/i] 9.5 feet. [i]Coat:[/i] Thick and white. [b]Do you have a hybrid/alpha form?:[/b] No! [b]Rank:[/b] Rogue. [b]How long has your character been a lycanthrope?:[/b] 9 and a half years. [b]Mindset:[/b] Dominant enough. [b]Power level:[/b] Beta.

[b]Face Claim:[/b] Ben Barnes. [b]Description:[/b] [IMG]http://i672.photobucket.com/albums/vv90/bloodwillout/app%20pics/willbear.png[/IMG] [i]Height:[/i] 6'1 [i]Weight:[/i] 175lbs. [i]Eyes:[/i] Really dark brown, though they look black. [i]Hair:[/i] Brown and cut short. [i]Build:[/i] Slim and lean. [i]Visible marks:[/i] William has a few scars actually. The worst is a thick diagonal scar that runs from the inside of his elbow midway to his shoulder. The other notable scar is runs for two inches on the side of his right knee where he broke his leg as a kid. His only tattoo is a black [URL=http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o82/tehkawaiibunny/benbarnes02.gif]cross[/URL] on the right side of his upper chest which he got when he was younger and dumber. [i]Style:[/i] He prefers easy casual. If it’s comfy and reliable, he’ll stick with what he knows. Jeans and a t-shirt with a sturdy pair of boots are all part of his general wardrobe. However when the occasion arises, William can pull of a suit with ease. Neck ties are a no. Nay. Never.

[b]Special Skills:[/b][LIST] [*] Has a habit of switching accents between Irish and indistinguishable (area wise) British. It doesn’t help when he gets angry of course, words get shortened and the Irish accent comes back in full force. [*] Growing up in a mostly none English speaking household, William can speak, write and understand Irish Gaelic. [*] Knows how to handle a firearm, and he even has a full licence and carry permit. [*] Information Gathering. Now, he knows where to look for the [i]right[/i] information without getting scammed and sent on a wild goose chase. [*] Technologically minded. He’s good at fixing broken things and righting techie issues. [/LIST][b]Personality:[/b] [LIST]Appearances can be deceptive, can’t they? To a lot of people, William appears nothing more than a little bit cocky, a little cynical and somewhat lazy thug, with next to no self-control and a smart mouth the side of Antarctica. That’s fine with him at the end of the day, because he doesn’t really care what people think or say about him bar a few close exceptions in his life that he spends the majority of his time with. For those that don’t see what’s beneath the surface, William rarely lets that get to him for longer than five minutes or the time it takes him to fetch another beer. To them he’s an asshole and that’s as deep as it goes.

His moods dictate a lot of Will’s actions, for example if he’s with someone that he’s known for a long time, he’s likely to be more relaxed and easy going despite the situation he’s in or the conversation going at the time. However, on the other hand if he’s with someone that he doesn’t know, things can be a little uncomfortable on all sides since he doesn’t easily trust from the get-go. Like I said, it’s all about his mood at the time. He has a habit of putting up barriers to stop people from poking their nose into his business and dragging him into theirs, generally he reacts with snark and a “I don’t give a flying fuck” attitude and if that doesn’t work, he’s not above lashing out and using threats to get someone away from him. At his worst, he can be painfully blunt and to the point, say things that others would rather beat around the bush about, and be generally vicious when it comes to other people’s emotions. At his best, he can be a cheeky little flirt that will listen to people’s problems and offer some kind of solution.

William is extremely loyal to his family, there’s no doubt about that, and there’s very little that he wouldn’t do for his mother or anyone of his sisters. Even though he’s had to put up with a lot of crap from his father and been dragged into a lot of mess because of it. Despite that, he still can’t bring himself to cut ties completely with the man and remove him from his life. The loyalty stretches to others as well, like people who’ve impacted his life in a way that others haven’t been able to. These people, his inner circle of friends, lovers, whatever they happen to be, are in Will’s mind his family as well. One of his major fears is that something will take his family away from him, leaving him with nothing. It’s left him in a cold sweat before just thinking about it and he’s been left with nightmares because of someone saying that someone close to him was dead which he hasn’t gotten over. He’s a little insecure with the things that mean the most to him, but that can easily be put to bed.

William has a naturally mild rebellious temperament and often shows a desire to resist authority (and control) through generally playful gestures and words. He’s tried to bury the light-hearted playfulness over the years, but it does come out with a handful of people. He has to push people’s buttons and boundaries when he can, but it’s not always for an instantaneous effect. He’s fine with drawing things out. His general temperament and actions can be, on occasion, contradictory of themselves as underneath the playful persona, is a sadistic side that will quiet happily make someone hurt. He’s not necessarily evil, and compared to most people, he’s a saint. He just does the best he can with what he has to survive.

Just because of his don’t give a damn mentality, it doesn’t mean that Will’s incapable of anger. Sure it takes a lot to push his buttons to make him snap, but it’s possible. His temper isn’t what should worry people however; it’s the fact that he’s insanely stubborn and persistent. He’s been knocked on his ass time and time again, only to get back to his feet and that’s something that won’t ever change with him. It’s why someone needs to pull him back at times, if he gets an idea into his head he’s likely to keep on going until he’s wears himself down or gets what he wants. He’s a sly one, and smarter than he looks, often spending more time processing things that could be useful than ignoring them, it’s just another contradiction and a part of him that he puts to good use.

As he more or less taught himself how to train his other nature, William’s not inclined to care about bear groups and politics. It’s nothing on them, as he just doesn’t understand the whole hierarchy thing, though he’s more than willing to take a poke at it and try and understand it. As a rule though, he’d rather just avoid any trouble that could crop up from tying himself down to a group and live as a rogue. The way he sees it is that he’s done alright (mostly) by himself, so he doesn’t need the help and security that something like a sleuth could give. He could care less about other supernaturals as long as they keep their nose out of his business or their fangs out of his throat.

What a bloody confusing mess he is, he’d give a therapist a nervous breakdown. [/LIST][b]Likes:[/b][LIST] [*] Cooking. It’s relaxing and it gives him some time to think. [*] Cutting the speed limits on his [URL=http://www.ducati.ms/gallery/files/3/2/8/9/1/996black.jpg]Ducati 996[/URL]. [*] People with a backbone that stand up for themselves. [*] Seeing Keegan smile, but shhhh! Don’t tell him. [*] Movie nights in. [*] His sisters. Pains in the arse some of them may be. [*] Hitting the pub after work. [/LIST][b]Dislikes:[/b][LIST] [*] Being sent on a wild goose chase. [*] Pity Me parties. [*] People pleasers. [*] Social network sites. [*] Hot weather, but he’ll keep the bitching to a minimum. [*] The Church. He’s a lapsed Catholic, turning ex. [*] Not such a fan of water in his eyes (or swimming or anything like that.) [/LIST][b]Strengths:[/b][LIST] [*] Visual deception: He’s smarter than he makes out, yo! [*] He can look a vampire in the eyes (670yrs). [*] Is immune to most peoples taunting. [/LIST][b]Weaknesses:[/b][LIST] [*] Has to shift on a full moon, no if's, buts or maybes. [*] His mother and his sisters. There’s not much he wouldn’t do for them. [*] Sometimes needs someone to reign him in. [/LIST][b]Family:[/b][LIST] [*] Seamus Kubiak; father, mid to late sixties. [*] Margaret Kubiak; Mother, mid-sixties. [*] Kathleen “Kathy” Kubiak; Older sister, 42. [*] Brenna Kubiak; Older sister; 37. [*] Avery Kubiak; younger sister; 25. [*] Laura Kubiak; youngest sister; 19. [/LIST][b]History:[/b] [LIST]Originally hailing from Derry, Ireland, the Kubiak family moved further south to coastal town of Kilrush in County Clare to avoid any more of the Troubles that had almost torn their family apart as it was. Just in time too, as within two weeks of settling into their new home on August the tenth, nineteen eighty-one, Margaret went into labour with her third child, Darren Kubiak. As stressful as a time as it had been, the parents where happy to have a new member of their family, but their happiness was nothing compared to their daughters, Kathleen and Brenna. The girls had been dead set on the idea of having another sister, but when they found out that they had a baby brother, they had to re-evaluate their long term plans of tea parties and such. Poor Darren didn’t stand a chance when they were asked to watch over him. Even as a toddler, Darren was smarter than most kids his age. He was up on his feet and walking by just shy of a year old and he was forming almost proper sentences only a few months after that, only resorting to actions when he couldn’t get what he wanted to say out. His mother lapped that up, but his sisters took all the credit. Unfortunately, Seamus was the only person that didn’t seem that interested in anything that was happening; oh he was happy that he finally had a son, he just wanted things to move a little faster so he could teach Darren about the real world and just how disappointing that it was going to be without ending up on the receiving end of an iron skillet from his wife. The saddest thing was, no matter how much Seamus tried to bond with Darren, the father and son never really clicked like they should have done.

A few months after his fifth birthday, young Darren got the shock of his life when Avery Kubiak was brought home from the hospital. Having a little sister was so exciting and scary at the same time, exciting because there was suddenly someone younger than him, scary because his older sisters and parents spent more time fussing around the new baby. Darren was almost jealous of the attention that Avery, to the point that it almost became obvious to everyone present at the home reception, and he would have thrown a tantrum if it hadn’t been for Kathleen taking him aside and telling him that nothing was ever going to change. He took his oldest sister’s words to heart and even though he spent a few days trying to avoid the new addition to the family while he tried to work out just how things weren’t going to change because to him, everything had changed and would never be the same again. It was the hurt and confusion that he couldn’t shake off no matter what the youngster said or did. When asked to help with looking after Avery, he went in the opposite direction as fast as he could. Sometimes however, he couldn’t shake the responsibility and grudgingly did what he had to do before escaping to his room. It wasn’t until Avery was six months old that things happened that tore the family apart for the first time. Seamus returned home drunk from the pub one night and verbally and physically attacked his wife in the kitchen for some reason only known to himself in his drunken haze. Kathleen jumped into the fray to try and break things up before someone was seriously hurt, and Brenna called the police. It wasn’t unfamiliar to the older members of the family, but listening to the chaos below them while Avery cried in her crib, Darren was terrified! Still, being the only person around to help Avery, he did all that he could to help the baby girl settle down. It was Kathy that came up what felt like days later – when it was only a few hours - to find a very tired Darren pulling funny faces and Avery giggling like there was no tomorrow.

Despite everything that his mother tried to do to make sure things ran smoothly, things had changed in the household and it wasn’t because Seamus had been kicked out of the house either. His mother was more distant and withdrawn and his sisters were nearly always tense and less than inclined to deal with their younger siblings unless forced by their mother. It almost went like this for a year, and it wasn’t until Kathleen announced that she was moving out with her boyfriend, that Darren truly snapped. While he had made more and more progress with little Avery, his attitude dramatically changed when he was anywhere else but home, and it wasn’t until the third letter from his school and a home visit from his teacher that Darren was dropped off on his father’s doorstep, back in Derry and left there after his mum had finally called it quits and had enough and – Darren would always remember her exact words – told him that she “needed a break” and thought that it would be best if he went to live with his father for a while. The last time that he’d seen Seamus, he’d been a scared boy with no idea as to what was happening. Now, he couldn’t care less about the older male. He didn’t think of Seamus as his father anymore, he thought of him as a bully that preyed on women. Still, he had nowhere else to go since he’d been left hundreds of miles from his home. Seamus didn’t seem that happy either, but he made do and put Darren in the spare room after warning him from touching anything that didn’t belong to him. Barely eight years old, more or less alone and feeling abandoned; Darren did the only thing that he could do given the circumstances. He did as he was told. In a roundabout way he did want some kind of connection with his father, but at the same time, he couldn’t forget what Seamus had done. Things didn’t get much better in the following days, it was as if Seamus barely knew he existed unless they were in the same room or he was tossing Darren a bag of chips from the local chip shop, and Darren was happy with that.

Even though it had originally been planned for Darren to stay with Seamus for six weeks, when the day rolled by that he was supposed to come home, Darren was sorely let down when Kathleen came and dropped off some more of his stuff. Apparently his mum had been sick and Brenna was left with Avery to look after, but Kathy was staying for a while because she missed her baby brother. It seemed that Darren wasn’t the only one that didn’t trust Seamus after all, and with a second child under his roof, Seamus started to crack under the parental stress. He did try though, under Kathleen’s watchful eye, Seamus did attempt to get to know them again as their father. It became more than apparent that Seamus couldn’t be a father though, after one nasty dispute with Kathleen over something hilariously stupid from most people’s perspective, Seamus turned around and bulldozed right into Darren, throwing the young boy back awkwardly and hard enough that in the fall, the kid broke his arm. Less than a week later, with his arm in a cast and a seriously pissed off Margret waiting for them all in Kilrush, the father and two children returned to the family home. It was good to be home, and even with Seamus under their roof still – for some reason, Margret didn’t run him off like both Darren and Kathleen had hoped - , Darren’s attitude had taken a major turnaround. The sullen and rebellious kid was replaced by someone more laid back and spent more and more time helping his mother and Brenna with things while taking on the responsibilities of making sure that Avery kept her nose clean even though she was only six and half by then. It was over the next few years that Darren cracked down on his schooling, kept an eye on his father in case there was a repeat of the attack against Margret, and grew close to Avery like only a big brother could do. There was only five years difference between them but that didn’t mean much in the grand scheme of sibling things considering their other sisters were way much older than the pair of them.

While things didn’t get out of hand exactly, there were a few bumps along the road but nothing that they couldn’t fix. Except for issues regarding pets. Brenna and Darren both had rabbits given to them one day by a neighbour, and they loved them…until one day they came home from home from the shops to find Seamus cooking stew. They’d actually eaten some of it before their father had told them exactly what it was and where their pets had gone. The idea of having a pet was never mentioned again. With nothing else to occupy his time, Darren watched Kathleen fall in love and attempt to make a family of her own. He watched Brenna in and out of love like it was a fashion craze and the new latest must have. His parents seemed happy enough and even Avery was doing her own thing. A few months after his eleventh birthday, however, the family was introduced to another change, another daughter in fact, baby Laura. It was great having another sibling and even though Darren still wanted a brother, he was more and more determined to look after his kid siblings and throughout the next five years, Darren did everything he could to make sure that the younger girls were fine. Of course, at sixteen years of age, he did want to do his own thing and on occasion, he did turn away from his responsibilities in favour of something else like any other teenager would, and like most teenagers his age, he was only interested in a few things. One particular incident drove him to be more careful in his extracurricular activities, especially when they included the older sisters of friends of his little sisters. It retrospect, the teenagers should’ve locked the bedroom door rather than simply closing it, but they’d been home alone at the time and hadn’t expected anyone to come back home for a few hours. If it hadn’t been for the girly shriek and giggles causing both Darren and his girlfriend to scramble for their clothes, things would’ve been fine. As it was, his girlfriend ran out of the house mortified that her younger sister had seen her in bed with a boy, and Darren - while embarrassed –, after he’d managed to tug on some jeans, was left as the unofficial babysitter for two eleven year old girls with motor-mouths. It could’ve been worse as he could’ve been in bed with one of Avery’s friend’s brothers, but it did make Darren more inclined to take his girlfriends out elsewhere.

Unfortunately for the Kubiaks, things turned south two years later. Seamus, while he had sworn off the booze for years, had a new vice. Darren’s old man had racked up a rather large gambling debt, and after the third time that someone was sent around to collect money, Darren, Brenna and their mother confronted the older male about it. Seamus exploded, claiming that they were all against him and that they were no blood of his; however it was Darren that drew first blood, breaking his father’s nose with a well-aimed punch that shocked everyone into silence. Darren turned around and launched into a triad of his own, recalling how his mother had tried to pick up the pieces countless times when Seamus had screwed up over the years, he brought up how Kathleen had been the one to sit up all night when their mother had been too exhausted to do anything and how Brenna had been left to run the house when times had been really hard and. Darren actually expected his old man to lash out and attack him, in fact he went as far as to bait the older male into it, but was surprised when Seamus just grabbed his coat and walked out. Things only got worse from there on in. More and more people came to collect money on behalf of his father, and even though the elder Kubiak’s did their best, there was not much they could do. They had no idea where Seamus had run off to after he’d walked out on them, and while some debt collectors were good enough to drop it and leave them be, there were a handful of nasty ones that thought barging into the Kubiak’s home while they were out and poking about for anything valuable was a good idea, simply because they thought that the family was covering for the older male. As hard as Darren tried to protect Avery and Laura from things like this, he knew that his younger sisters weren’t stupid and knew that something bad was happening. However, Kathleen was the one that came up with a solution. The eldest Kubiak daughter sold her house and moved back in with them, and unlike Darren who resorted to running his mouth off to get the debt collectors to leave for a bit, Kathleen was the ballsy one. The first time she saw someone in their home that shouldn’t have been there and looking for money, she grabbed them by the balls and forcibly dragged them out of the house before throwing down money and telling them to piss off.

Darren was working two part time jobs by the time he was twenty years old so he could help stop people harassing his family. If he wasn’t working, there was just enough time to grab something to eat and a nap, and his sisters had come home time and time again to find his sorry excuse of a hide crashed out on the sofa because he’d been too tired to make the stairs up to his room. One night after his shift at the cinema he was working at, things took a massive U-turn that none of them saw coming ever. Darren had been stuck after his shift, as a nasty storm had caused the busses to clock off early, and after calling Kathy for help since she was the only one that had a working car, Darren listened to one of her typical rants about men in their family being useless. He knew that it wasn’t aimed at him and more directed at Seamus, and after a nudge in the right direction he found out exactly why his sister was pissed off. He found out that while he’d been at work, someone had come to the house threatening to burn the house down unless they gave up Seamus’s location. If that hadn’t been enough for Darren to snap over, he also found out that the guy that had come around asking for money had hit their mother and almost turned on their younger sisters before Kathy had showed up with Brenna.

If they hadn’t been arguing over what to do, and if Kathy had been paying more attention to the road and weather, they probably would’ve made it home in once piece. Unfortunately, neither of them made it there. A bolt of lightning cracked a tree in half, and as Kathy swerved to avoid the collapsing and smouldering piece that came away from the tree, she lost control of the car. Darren only caught flashes of the accident at the time, he knew that it had broken a barricade alongside the road and not only rolled once but twice. Then Kathy was gone. Then there was almighty gut wrenching pain as the vehicle came to a juddering stop, caught in a corpse of trees, and then there was nothing at all as Darren lost consciousness. As it stood, Kathy had been thrown free of the car and came away with a broken leg, it was nothing short of miraculous, Darren on the other hand, had the most serious of injuries. If it hadn’t been for Kathy screaming at the fire brigade as they turned up to help, Darren probably would’ve died in the crushed cab of the car. Death probably would have been the better option. As unbeknown to Darren and everyone else for that matter, when he’d been admitted into hospital, one of the doctors on call that evening took it upon himself to take charge of the Kubiak boy’s care. Remus O’Louglin was a lycanthrope – of the polar bear variety - , and an outstanding doctor to boot, with only three patient fatalities on his record. However, the lycanthrope doctor had a secret; he was using his own blood and infecting the worst case patients that passed through his hands in hopes that its healing power could help them. He didn’t infect Darren immediately as he wanted to attempt a more mundane method to help Darren recover, but after the second week in hospital and with Darren showing no signs of recovering from the internal injuries or the head wound that he’d sustained, Remus took matters into his own hands and bled for the cause.

Three days later, Darren was awake and mostly coherent much to everyone’s surprise, his own included. The following two weeks was an odd time for Darren. He didn’t feel right in himself, and rather than tell anyone, he kept it to himself thinking that it was just exhaustion and his body needing a break from things to recover. It was, as if he was cramped in his own body and as time progressed, Darren felt sicker and sicker with himself, and that’s when his doctor told him that that he was going to be transferred out of there and sent to somewhere that could help him better. “No”. It was in his vocabulary and after attempting to get his feet under him; Darren discharged himself against medical advice and left without looking back, he’d had enough of being poked and prodded and treated like an invalid! The way he saw it was if he could walk and say his own name then things were fine and he’d be ok in a few days. Darren didn’t see Remus’s chipper little smile as the doctor walked away, pocketing blood test results that mentioned that Darren had contracted lycanthropy. Darren got about half way home when he collapsed in horrendous pain that put anything else to shame. However, it wasn’t from his wounds from the crash that caused it. It was the fact that the full moon had risen in the sky, tearing his newly acquired bear out of hiding. Already weak, he didn’t put up much of a fight as the first transformation hit him like a tonne of bricks. He woke up half a day later in the middle of the woods, buck naked with no idea how he got there or where there even was. He wasn’t exactly terrified – he’d had some seriously kinky girlfriends in his time that took a ‘roll in the hay’ a little literal – but he was scared. He felt really good though, stronger even, and it was the only reason that he squished down his fear and took off looking for a house or something where he could borrow a pair of jeans and use a phone. He couldn’t exactly walk buck naked all the way home now could he? After two hours of walking, he stumbled across one of his ex-boyfriends houses on the edge of Kilrush and not embarrassed in the least, he begged for a little help. His ex was more than willing to help and the questions he asked, Darren played it off as a kinky ex that had run off with his clothes while they’d been walking in the woods. It was better than the alternative which was confessing he had no idea what had happened and he couldn’t remember a thing. He didn’t for a moment believe that the other male believed him, but it put a stop to the questions until he got home at least. His ma went nuts when he stomped back into the house, but it was his three sisters that really flew off the handle. Oh it was good to be home once more!

Changes were more noticeable now and he couldn’t deny it. He could hear muttered conversation at the other end of the house, even when he was locked in his room. His other senses were higher as well, and his appetite had taken a turn for the better. Where he couldn’t force himself to finish a plate before his accident, he was asking for seconds like it was nothing. After a few weeks, the girls let things drop and things went back to normal until a new debt collector came to call. It was Darren that answered the door and almost choked on the scent of wet dog that hit him in the face. The other male was just as surprised too and babbled an apology, muttered that he had the wrong house and took off like a bat out of hell. Darren just shrugged it off and went back to doing what he’d been doing, tossing a vague answer when asked who it had been. When it appeared that they were all out of the woods, Kathy and Brenna moved out to start lives of their own – though they remained close enough that they only needed to take a short walk to come back to make sure things at the family house was fine. Darren was more than independent enough that he could’ve moved on as well and he had thought about it for a while prior to the car wreck, but what really synched the deal for him was a visit from an uncle on his father’s side. Apparently Seamus was causing a bit of trouble across in the States and needed help. As much as Darren wanted to tell his uncle to sod off and go bother someone else, but loyalty to his family won out and he was on a plane to Boston within the following days.

He found Seamus in a right mess, holed up in South Boston and it didn’t surprise Darren to know that his old man had been back on the bottle. What did make Darren do a double take was the fact that his father seemed to have found God; it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing but it unnerved Darren enough that rather than turning around and going back home, he actually tried to help the old drunk find his feet again. Until one day he woke up to find his wallet empty and passport gone with Seamus nowhere to be found. With a bad feeling, the werebear phoned home to find out that Seamus had returned and was flashing the cash. Oh he was going to kill the old man when he got his hands on him! Still, he was stuck in Boston until he could organize a way to come home, so he went to his uncle and asked for a job to help him get back on his feet. He managed to wangle a bouncer position in one of the bars and for the most part, just spent his time throwing out trouble makers and making sure that things were running smoothly for folks. It wasn’t until he was cornered coming out of work that the omega bear knew that he’d seriously fucked up because he came face to face with Boston’s Cronus. The male was angry over the fact that an omega hadn’t sought him out for help, and Darren just shrugged it off because by that time he knew exactly what he was. All the meeting did was serve to batter into his head that werebears in groups where really not something he wanted to experience, especially with a king that was a dick.

A couple of months after his twenty first, he met another bear who called himself Keegan, and despite not having been around many werebears before, Darren could appreciate the attention of a fine looking bloke. They struck up a conversation while he was on work, and while there was nothing really going on between them, it was good to have someone to talk to. Darren was still in a bit of a flunk though, he was in a place that was too foreign for him to deal with on top of the fact that he turned into a giant flipping bear once a month, sometimes more if it felt like stretching its legs, and he missed his family to bits. Depression hit him hard and one day, when Keegan dropped by to see him, it was only the other bear talking him out of his funk that got Will up and moving again. What’s more, they began a tentative relationship and he didn’t need to be a brain surgeon to see that Kee was having a bit of trouble with that, it was why Darren never pushed for anything and did his damnedest to make sure he didn’t screw this up for either of them. It was actually the first time since he’d left Ireland and had been trapped in Boston by his father that Darren was truly happy with the way things were going in his life and not just soldiering on without any form of direction. His happiness lasted just a little over a year, before his father came into his life once more and ruined everything.

Seamus said he needed help, and that his legitimate job would go up in flames if he didn’t move some things out of Boston as soon as possible. Darren originally thought that he’d be able to get done with his father in a day and be back before Kee woke up; however his father had other ideas. After Darren agreed to help Seamus on the understanding that the older male would leave and never bother him again, he was told by his father that he was going to be gone for a little while. By that point, he his patience was shot to hell and he left to help his father do what needed to be done. It took Darren five days to work out what his dad was doing, but by then it was too late to tell the thief to take a hike and stuff his ‘job’. If it hadn’t been for the woman that came to reclaim her possessions, Darren probably would have done something violent with the old man; as it was, Seamus became small fry the moment Ms. Nora Devereux walked into the warehouse that the father and son combo had been arguing. The vampire dropped Darren to his knees with a command, and turned on Seamus with the intent to kill the one responsible for putting her to so much trouble. The wiley old fox had another card up his sleeve however, and made like Darren was the one that had stolen from her, that in turn pissed off the vampire even more and gave Seamus the distraction he needed to get the hell out of dodge leaving Darren to a fate worse than death but not before casually mentioning that Avery had drowned. Before Nora could take her pound of flesh, Darren started using the same tricks his father had done, and before the following dawn, he was in the vampire’s lair and in her bed.

It was close to two weeks before he managed to pull himself free of the vampire and Darren had a lot of explaining to do. He’d manipulated a vampire over seven hundred years just so she wouldn’t tear his throat out and drop him in ditch somewhere, and he’d slept with her and bled for her, to boot. That stung, but deep down inside of him, Darren really hurt over what his father had done to him, so he changed things and made a vow that he would never be dragged back into something like that again. A new haircut, a new style, and even a new name weren’t enough though, William Kubiak wanted his man and there was nothing short of the apocalypse that was going to stop him. Within hours, he managed to track down Keegan to a pricey bar but fate was obviously against someone as two bears tried to stop him from entering. William dropped one guard easily enough, but the second one was a little trickier but ultimately went down hard. He’d caused enough of a scene to disturb the Rhea that wanted to get close and personal with Keegan and after tossing his boyfriend – could he even call Keegan his boyfriend after pulling that vanishing act? – a cheeky wink, William turned on the woman and told her to get the hell off his man and take a hike, before promptly dragging the other bear out before the police arrived. The talk that followed was hard to deal with, but William explained that he hadn’t had a chance to leave Keegan a note and that he was deeply sorry for leaving the way he did. He left out the bit about his little sojourn into Nora’s lair and what he’d had to do to come back, and he knew Kee would’ve started poking at him if it hadn’t been for the fact that William mentioned that he was turning over a new leaf and taking a fresh start. Kee accepted that and it was almost as if things were back to normal.

A few years later, things became extremely strained between him and Kee and it seemed like things were through between them. Both of them went their separate ways, Keegan to God knows where, and William back to Ireland to visit the family. Twenty four years old and he was back on the track with no real direction. Of course, he kept up the pretence of happiness around his sisters, and if he even smelt his father, he went the other way before he could do something. The trip home lasted about four months before he went back to Boston to see if he could make a go of it. He had even started planning on relocating elsewhere, but never settled on anything for definite. He just soldiered on to the best of his ability and put more time in effort in learning to control his inner beast. It was a month later that Keegan returned, and suspicious at first, William almost told the other male to take a hike but something stopped him. He allowed Kee back in and their reunion was great, and for the following four years, despite the fact that they had their arguments and small fights – and the occasional break up -, both of them kept coming back to one another. He never went with anyone else in a romantic sense, but William strayed as far as he could from Keegan if only to get his head on straight again. It worked better than saying or doing something that damaged what they had and no one ever complained. Things got real when he heard from Kathleen that Seamus was drinking and still gambling four years later, and he did the only thing that he could at the time. He started sending money back home, to his mother for the younger girls, to Kathleen in case someone came looking for money and no one had any, and he even set up an account for Avery and Laura and put aside some money every now and then because in his mind it made up (mostly) for being a sucky big brother and a son. It was Keegan that managed to swing them a new career choice, at Aaru Transport for Cara DeBesadre. Over the space of the next year, William watched something happen between his boyfriend and his boss, and rather than being upset about it, he just shrugged it off and got on with his own things, never once mentioning the odd vibes he was getting. He craved the reassurance that Keegan gave him though when the other male took him aside. Yes, it stung a little bit and for a while he was jealous, but he worked on his issues in his own time. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that the three of them – more commonly labelled as ‘Dysfunction’ – relocated to Jackford to start another branch of Aaru Transport and it seems like they’re staying. [/LIST][/SIZE]

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