#i own almost every book from this series too... it got insane

[from-the-clouds]

texas sun - joel miller x f! reader - vol. v

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chapter summary: You knew yourself, and the way that you could get hung up on the right kind of person. Joel was that kind of person. But you don’t like how formal this feels. So real. -- In other words, Joel takes you on your first date. pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader words: 8.6k chapter warnings: SMUT, 18+ ONLY (it's happening, folks!) - unprotected sex, please dm if you want specifics but I’m not trying to spoil too much. If you don't want to read the smut, it doesn't happen until about halfway through the chapter. Crying after sex. Angst. FLUFF. Mentions of anxiety & self-doubt, alcohol consumption.  a/n: Help! I can’t stop writing fit checks into this story!! This ended up being insanely horny but also shockingly sweet. I worked way way way too hard on it so please say nice things to me. Might need to take a couple days off because I'm really feeling burnt out. So please enjoy in the meantime.

-May 16, 2003-

Joel doesn’t like lying to Sarah.

Although, he’s not sure that he’s lying to her as much as he is simply….omitting information. Depending on who you ask, that could still be considered lying.

He’s fresh out of the shower when he steps into the living room, fishes through the catch-all basket located just inside the front door, and pockets his wallet and keys.

“Where are you going?” 

Sarah’s lounging on the couch, on her back, one of her hands slung behind her head. There’s a book opened on her lap, but she’s not reading. “You’re all dressed up.”

Joel looks down at his green flannel shirt, tucked into a pair of dark jeans. Truth be told, he’s a little ashamed he doesn’t have anything nicer in his closet. It’s not like he ever has any occasion to dress up, but he’s already feeling self-conscious and being (most likely) underdressed isn’t helping. Based on the very limited information he knows about your past relationships, you’re probably accustomed to crisp dress shirts, ties, blazers. He doesn’t own any of those things — he did, at one point, have the tux from his wedding, but he’d gotten rid of it after the divorce. Every time he saw it in the back of his closet, it made him sick. Regardless, tonight he’d done the best he could otherwise - showered, trimmed his beard, and even dug through his medicine cabinet for an old – probably expired – bottle of cologne. Hopefully it was enough. 

“I’ve uh….I’ve got a date.” Joel says. 

The theme song from That’s So Raven is blaring through the living room, but it immediately cuts out as Sarah presses mute and sits up entirely from her spot on the couch. “Really?”

“Don’t act so surprised,” Joel says. “Your uncle is coming over, though, he’s gonna drop me off and then he said he’d take you to the movies.”

As if on cue, he hears Tommy’s truck pull into the drive. “Yes!” Sarah leaps up from the couch. “I have to change first.”

“Hurry up, babygirl, I’m already runnin’ behind,” Joel calls after her. 

Tommy knocks twice on the front door before letting himself in anyways. 

“You’re late,” Joel informs, shutting the door behind him. They should’ve left five minutes ago, and the last thing Joel wants is for you to think he’s not punctual. To be fair, he’s not, and almost never is. But you don’t need to know that….yet. 

“Hello to you, too,” Tommy trails after him into the kitchen. Joel is tempted to chug a beer, or fish the half-empty bottle of whiskey he’s got in the cabinet out to take a shot — just to take the edge off. But he refrains. It wouldn’t be a good look to show up smelling of booze.

“So…who's the lucky lady?” When Joel doesn’t answer right away, Tommy presses. “Come on, Joel, who is it?” 

He contemplates telling his brother the truth, but he doesn’t want to give him the idea that he had taken his advice. He didn’t. Well maybe he did, but he knows Tommy will become insufferable if he finds out. 

“Is it who I think it is?” Tommy asks. “It better be.”

Unfortunately, Tommy knows him too well. They’re brothers, and really, Joel’s first and oldest friend. The answer is written all over his face. 

Tommy grins. “Fucking finally. Oh my god, dude, I thought you’d never-”

“Alright, alright!” Joel interjects, eyes darting nervously up the stairs, where he hears his daughter shuffling around in her bathroom. “Keep your mouth shut, I haven’t told Sarah yet.” 

Tommy raises his hands in defense, but at least seems to understand how serious Joel is. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna say anything. Are you excited?”

“Yeah,” Joel looks down at the countertop, and is compelled to be honest with his little brother. “I’m uh….I’m a little nervous, though. Been awhile since I’ve done anything like this.” 

Tommy grows serious. “Do you want my advice?” 

“Yours?” Joel feels like whatever advice he has to offer is likely questionable, particularly with someone like you. “No thanks. I’d rather make a good impression.”

His brother ignores the subtle dig. “You sure? Because unlike you, I actually go on dates. I mean, it’s been what, like….ten years?” He crosses his arms, pretends to think. It’s probably only been a couple of months since the last time Joel took someone out, and Tommy knows it, but he loves to dramatize. “I mean at this stage, you’re basically a born-again virgin. Do you even remember how to put on a condom?” 

Joel crosses his arms and glares at his brother, who begins giggling at his bad joke. “I knew I shouldn’t have fucking said anything to you,” he shakes his head.

“Oh come on Joel, you’ll be fine,” Tommy says. “Really. She’s into you. I could tell when we were all together the other night. Even when I was dancing with her, I kept catching her lookin’ your way…”

“Yeah, well….” Joel rubs the back of his neck to play off the surge of warmth he gets from this information. “Thanks.”

Sarah’s bathroom door opens, and he hears the staccato beat of her sneakers coming down the stairs. Joel points at Tommy one last time. “Not a word, understand?” 

Tommy nods just as she rounds the corner.

“Uncle Tommy!” Sarah raises her hand to give him a high-five, which they both purposely miss so they can collide palms on the downswing, grab each other’s hands and then begin a secret handshake so complex that Joel, who has seen it a thousand times, still doesn’t think he could execute correctly if he tried.

“How’s my favorite niece?” 

“I’m your only niece.” 

“Touche,” they shoot at each other with finger guns before she wraps him in a hug and Tommy presses his nose to the top of her head. Despite the fact that their little routine is costing Joel precious time, almost all the annoyance he’d been feeling with his brother dissipates at the sight.

“We all ready?” Tommy asks her, then points at him. “Don’t want to make this casanova late.”

“Yeah, of course not,” Sarah looks over at Joel with a smile that doesn’t seem entirely sincere. When she was younger and he’d gone on dates, she always had a lot more questions. Who is it? What is she like? When can I meet her? Is she pretty? Over the years, however, she became less and less interested. It was because she was smart, and had caught onto the pattern - he’d go on a date, maybe one or two more, then there’d be a long period of nothing before the cycle repeated itself every couple months. It rarely developed into anything that would concern her, and Joel always kept the details to himself.

While they’re en route to the restaurant – a little French bistro that had opened up recently — Sarah and Tommy bicker about what movie they want to see.

“I wanna see Holes. I just read the book.”

Tommy grimaces. “What about Matrix Reloaded? It just came out.”

“I already told dad I’d go to that with him.”

“So?” he looks between Sarah and Joel. “Why can’t you just see it twice?”

“No,” Sarah says emphatically. “I have to see it with dad first. It’s not fair.” 

Tommy groans, mutters under his breath. “I can’t believe you let her watch that crap,” as if he wasn’t about to do the same thing.

“She likes it,” Joel shrugs.

“All the more reason to see it tonight.”

“Tommy,” Joel warns. 

“Fine.”

“I don’t really like it, though. I just like to keep dad company so he doesn’t have to see it alone.”

“You’re too nice,” Tommy takes a beat. “Are you sure you aren’t adopted?”

“Shut up,” Joel and Sarah answer at the same time, and Joel holds his palm behind him for his daughter to slap. 

Tommy acquiesces, his truck jolting as it pulls into the parking lot of the restaurant. Joel’s heart rate picks up immediately. The car rolls to a stop and Joel turns to look at both of them. “Alright, I’ll be home by midnight.”

“Sounds good,” says Sarah. 

“Have fun,” Tommy raises his eyebrows, winks, and thankfully Sarah doesn’t see it, because she’s getting out of the truck to take Joel’s spot shotgun. He makes sure she’s settled with her seatbelt on before he shuts the door.

He isn’t trying to waste time, but Joel watches them pull out of the lot and back onto the street before he goes inside the restaurant. Really, he just needs a minute to collect himself. There’s no good reason for him to be as anxious as he is, he’s already kissed you once, and you had seemed to like it — quite a lot too. For the past week the feeling of your body pressed up against him, legs around his torso, was pretty much all he thought about when his mind wandered. Mostly at night before bed, and even today, in the shower when he was getting ready - just to try and calm down. Even now, the idea leaves him flustered.

Nevertheless, this probably isn’t even technically a first date. He hasn’t had issues speaking to you in the past, so this should be easy. Right? But what if you change your mind? And what if it dawns on you that he’s not your type? Even worse, what if you realize he’s just not good enough? 

Joel forces himself inside before he talks himself out of this. When he enters, he sees you first. You’re across the room, leaning over the small bar where a few other patrons are. Greedily, he takes you in, and it’s easy to trace your figure in the tight black shift dress you’ve got on, sheer black tights underneath. It’s sleek, stylish - not that Joel knows much about that. As usual, you stand out in stark contrast to every other person in the place. He likes it. But he feels underdressed. He’ll look ridiculous standing next to you, and he briefly considers turning around, leaving, and saving himself the embarrassment.  

That’s until you move, angling yourself towards him and scanning the restaurant, an elbow resting on the bar, a hand on your knee. You’re looking for him, waiting for him, and finally, you’re rewarded when your eyes catch. Suddenly, Joel doesn’t care about what he’s wearing. He doesn't care that he’s not good enough. At the very least, he doesn’t have to guess if you’re interested in him anymore, not with how you’re gazing at him — a soft smile and narrowed eyes that betray your enthusiasm. Sure, he's not good enough, but he decides if he’s going to go down in flames, he’ll do it trying to convince you otherwise.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Maybe I should’ve eaten a proper lunch, you think to yourself. You’ve barely touched the drink in your hand, but you’re already starting to feel it. And even though you are the designated driver tonight, for now, the slight buzz is welcome, working to soothe. 

Over the years, you’d been on your fair share of first dates. Unlike most…you don’t hate them. For whatever reason, getting to know new people had always come easy, particularly if they were the right person. Being a lawyer, you had a knack for talking yourself into or out of almost anything. So it was just as easy to let someone know if they weren’t the right person. The best part of first dates, however, was that they lacked all the things you hated — promises, expectations, and conversations that went deeper than general pleasantries. 

So all things considered, you shouldn’t feel as tense as you do right now.

There’s a few factors that might have something to do with it, and your brain turns them over,  biding your time until your date arrives. 

First is the text that sits opened on your BlackBerry.

Dad’s home from the hospital. Doing better. Call when you can. - Vince

Your father has been in and out of the hospital for the last month or so, his health rapidly declining. But every update from your brother, however innocent they may be, feels like veiled threats. You should be here. You should know this. I shouldn't have to text you about it. I can’t believe I’m the only one looking after him. A part of you wants to believe that Vincent wouldn’t play that sort of game with you, but as you’ve gotten older and grown apart, you’d gotten worse at deciphering his motivations. Vaguely, you acknowledge that you could just be projecting, and you are the only one trying to make you feel bad. 

And then there’s Joel. 

He’s running late, you hope, or he’s stood you up. And you have already promised yourself that you’re only gonna wait ten more minutes before heading home with your tail tucked between your legs. The thought of that makes you regret agreeing to this in the first place. You’d already embarrassed yourself the last time you were together, practically begging him to take you on the kitchen countertop, but he’d insisted on doing this right. You should’ve pushed harder because you’re starting to think that maybe, just maybe….a zipless fuck would’ve sufficed. Oh, who were you kidding? You knew yourself, and the way that you could get hung up on the right kind of person. Joel was that kind of person. But you don’t like how formal this feels. So real. 

He knows you better than most first dates do. You’ve told him more about your family, about your fucked up childhood, about your aversion to committed relationships more than any friend you’ve made since moving to Texas. And he listened. It should make you feel better. He knows what he’s getting himself into, and he asked you here anyways. Maybe he’s having second thoughts. 

For what feels like the thousandth time, you check your emails and take a sip of your dirty martini – your preferred vehicle for alcohol consumption. Ultimately, you like the idea of a martini more than the actual taste, but you appreciate how direct they are. You scan the restaurant one last time, doing your best to look casual, like you don’t really care. Like you’re supposed to be there alone. 

But when your head turns towards the entrance, Joel is standing across from you. 

He gives you a bashful smile, one that makes your stomach flip, and makes his way over – though he doesn’t seem to be in a rush. It’s like he knows you’d sit and wait for him for as long as it takes – you would, you will, you are. 

When he finally lands in front of you, one thumb hooked in the belt loop of his dark-wash jeans, he leans forward and presses his lips to your cheek for the briefest moment, and pulls back, looking you up and down. 

“It’s good to see you, darlin’,” he murmurs softly. The term of endearment makes your ears feel hot. You're shocked at the effect he has on you, almost can’t believe it. It scares you, too, but you want to chase the feeling. “You look great.”

“So do you,” because you’re not one to lie. He does. As good as always, but he might’ve trimmed his beard for the occasion and maybe….put on cologne? It’s hard to tell, and in your brief experience being so close to him, he’s always smelled good regardless. 

“Sorry I’m late,” he apologizes. “Can’t count on Tommy to get me anywhere on time.”

“It’s alright,” you say casually, like you hadn’t had your whole exit strategy planned out just minutes ago. “I got to have a drink while I wait. You want something?” you gesture towards the bartender. 

“Sure,” Joel answers. “How about an old fashioned?” There’s no room for him to sit, so he leans next to you, arm on the bartop, invading your personal space while you wait for your table. Your skin buzzes like you’ve never been this close to a man before in your life. Pathetic. 

He orders his drink before he speaks to you again. “Have you been here before?” he asks. 

You shake your head no. “I was planning on coming a couple months ago but….never got around to it.”

“It’s good,” he says. “I’ve been a couple times.”

“Is this where you take all the girls you go out with?” you raise an eyebrow, grateful that your voice sounds even despite the way your blood is fizzing, your heart pumping so fast you can feel it in your ears. 

Joel shakes his head no. “That’s down the street.”

“Oh?” you nod, sip your drink. Whatever buzz you’d been feeling is gone in the wake of adrenaline. “So….why didn’t you take me there, then?”

“It’s not as nice,” Joel smirks, leaning in a little closer – if it were possible. His lips are practically touching your ear, and his voice is raspy for what comes next. “And I’m trying to impress you.” 

“Right,” you can’t help but smile, pulling back so you can lock eyes. He’s so sincere you can’t even think up a clever quip in return. “How thoughtful.” 

He gives you a cheeky grin. You want to touch him, want to hold him, want to fist the front of his shirt or tug on the hair at the back of his neck and stick your tongue down his throat like you aren’t surrounded by an entire restaurant of patrons. 

It’s going to be the longest fucking dinner of your life. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You survive. 

But at a cost. 

And you don’t learn anything new about Joel, except for the fact that your memory hasn’t exaggerated how charming he is, how charismatic, how thoughtful. All the times you’d allowed yourself to daydream about him didn’t hold a candle. Enjoying the meal is difficult, because you just want to get him alone. He can sense it – you’re pretty sure, because he orders himself a coffee after dessert, and sips on it ever-so-slowly, smirking at you over the rim of the mug.

When dinner’s over, you offer to drive Joel home, since he’d gotten a ride here. By this point, the martini is long gone from your system and you sort of want to pour yourself another when you get home. Even if you don’t drink much, the nerves have resurfaced. 

He walks a few paces behind you as you leave the restaurant, taking his time, and you step to your side of the car, making to unlock it – until something grabs your bicep – briskly – and spins you around. 

It’s Joel. He snuck up behind you, you hadn’t heard, and he’s right in front of you now, pinning you between the car and his body, surrounding you entirely. He lifts a hand, cups your cheek, and kisses you. It happens so fast you let out a whimper of surprise – directly into his mouth, but he swallows it down, and cradles you so gently, but still firm. Resolute. I’m not letting you go.

When he pulls back, you notice his cheeks are flushed, ever so slightly. It makes you wonder what you could do to see them get even redder. Your arms have found their way to rest on his shoulders, and you’re boxed in, the handle to your car door digging into your ass. Without a word, just a cheeky grin, he retreats to the passenger's side of the car and gets inside. 

You settle in the driver's seat beside him, and he looks over at you. “Hope that was okay, I couldn’t wait…” he says, almost apologetically. “But I was tryin’ all night to be good.”

“Yeah, well….not much use in that anymore,” you tilt your head. “Do you want to….hang out at my place?”

“Yeah, we can ‘hang out’ at your place,” Joel quips.

Scoffing in mock offense, you offer a retort. “What would you rather me have said? Come over for a nightcap? That’s a little cliche.”

He grimaces, as if he’s in agreement. You continue. “Or would you rather I be more direct? Joel, why don’t you come over so we can have sex?”

That makes him laugh, loudly, and it’s such a warm, comforting sound, you wish you could find a way to capture it and hear it over and over again. “Oh, is that what’s going to happen?” he asks. 

“Guess we’ll find out,” You shrug, trying to play it off, in case you overstepped. Then you focus on putting the keys in the ignition without fumbling. 

It’s not a long drive back to your place, but Joel seems determined to make sure it feels like it is. Either that, or he’s trying to get you to cause an accident. First his hand is resting on the back of your neck, brushing through the hair at the base of your skull. Then it’s on your shoulder, his thumb pressing into your taut muscles. You actually have to bite your tongue so you don’t moan. It’s not even sexual, really, but it just feels good to be touched, especially by him.

Eventually, you hit a stoplight, and while you’re waiting, his hand continues to wander…and comes to rest just above your knee. His hands are fucking huge, first of all, which maybe you’ve noticed before, and there are a few scars and scratches on the backs of his knuckles. It's the weight of it, the warmth of it, the way he’s settled it so casually like it’s nothing – like it belongs there, and he doesn’t even have to ask. Of course he doesn’t. And the confidence, the cockiness. It feels like someone’s taken an arrow to the pit of your stomach, and something thick and hot starts curling down, down, down….

You swallow hard, and he’s looking at you. He doesn’t speak right away, just stares, something dark and unfamiliar in his eyes. 

“I hope I’m doing alright,” voice raspy, low, but still smooth as ever.

Shaking your head, you’re able to surface just enough over the haze of arousal. “You want a performance review?” you tease, giving a small smile. “We should hold off on that until later…” 

That makes Joel laugh again, your stomach flips, and his thumb begins to stroke your kneecap, his fingers kneading into the soft flesh, inching forward to clasp farther inward, nearly grabbing at you, squeezing. The only thing separating his skin from your own is a thin pair of stockings that end dangerously close to where his hand is working. If he finds out that he’s just a few centimeters away from meeting bare skin, you’re afraid of what could happen.

“Joel,” you warn.

“What?” he asks, voice light and innocent.

“You’re distracting me.” 

“You want me to stop?”

No. The light turns green, and you have to hold back the impulse to break every traffic law if it means you’ll get to have him just a second sooner. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“--my room is–” Joel cuts you off with another searing kiss, and it takes a second before you can conjure the self control to pull away again to finish the thought. “--down the hall.” 

“Yeah?” 

He’s got you crowded back against the entry closet of your house, hovering over you, one of his hands bracing itself beside your head, and the other slowly dragging down your body, his lips following….moving down your neck. 

“Uh-huh,” you barely can get it out between strangled gasps for air. 

And then he’s hooking his hands behind your knees. “Are you sure you don’t want, like-” Joel lifts you, and you lock your legs around his torso. “An amaretto or something?”

“No,” he’s gripping on to you so tightly it hurts, but you don’t mind. 

“I could put on….a record-”

“No,” he repeats, and you’re being carried down the hall. 

You hadn’t expected him to pounce on you the instant that you came in through the garage door. Not that you minded. It’s just that usually you’d play it a bit more coy. You’d set the mood, light a candle, have a chat. But, you suppose you don’t need to do anything to get you in the mood. You’re already there. 

Joel’s mouth never separates from you, not until you’re in your room. He’s so sure of himself, you think he might be the type to throw you into the mattress, climb on top of you and rip at the zipper on the back of your dress. But he doesn’t. You’re laid down delicately, like you’re made of glass, and he’s being careful not to break you. 

He weaves his thumb and forefinger around both your wrists, then pulls them up so they’re pinned above your head. This way, you’re completely at his mercy. When he lowers himself between your legs, and you feel the weight of his body pressed against you, you groan, fighting against the restraint, desperate to touch him. So you do the best you can and wrap your stocking-clad feet around his waist, trying to get some leverage, to bring him closer.

“Just wanna take my time with you, darlin’,” he murmurs softly, like he can read your mind. You’re starting to think he can – how else can he be so irresistible on his own accord?

Joel makes good on his promise. With you all docile beneath him, he takes the opportunity to kiss every inch of exposed skin available – even though you’re still fully clothed. Each press of his lips has you breathing unevenly – sighing, then gasping, then sharp, short inhales. When he finds a particularly sensitive spot on your neck, you can’t help but giggle and quirm. 

Joel huffs in response, releasing you from his hold, and he tilts his head to whisper in your ear. “Do you have any idea how much I like hearing that? Knowing it’s because of me?” Immediately, you lower your hands to cup his cheeks, to regard him. He can’t be serious. 

“You’re too sweet,” you mutter. 

“So are you,” he answers, and ducks his head to return to your neck. “So sweet, and so fucking pretty, too…” His hands begin wandering, one of them cupping your breast, thumb finding a peaked nipple even through the fabric of your dress and your bra. The words he’s saying are too much, you’ll do anything to make him shut up, arching your back so you can feel him – already hard – against your clothed core. 

“Joel-” 

“God, I want to see you-fuck!” he pulls back, rolls you over, and you shift your weight so he has access to the dress’ zipper at your side. He makes quick work of it, and brings you to a seated position, helping you remove it all the way before kissing you again, then abruptly stopping. He wants you so badly….but he’s trying to savor the moment. “Let me look at you for a second.”

He takes you in, the stockings you’re wearing and the matching set of black lace you’d picked out beforehand. Of course, you’d thought about this. You always did for occasions like this, but Joel had stumped you. What would he like? This….was pretty understated, but he seemed like a salt-of-the earth guy. Not what you were used to. It probably wouldn’t make a difference whether or not you were in full-on lingerie. And even if you knew he wouldn’t care, you still had wanted to impress him. All the more reason to try.

“This for me?” he asks, hooking his finger on the inside of your stockings and snapping the elastic. 

“Yeah,” you nod, honest. “I want you, Joel.” And there’s more to it, too. You’ve thought about just how badly for months. It kept you up at night, then helped you fall asleep when you couldn’t shake his image from your head. For now, you are going to keep that to yourself. But it doesn’t mean it’s not gonna slip out. Not when he’s looking at you like this. 

“Yeah?” he says, steps forward, towers over you. “I want you, too, so fuckin’ bad. So fucking pretty, baby,” Dropping back to your elbows, you feel…small. Any other time, you might sit up, try to feel some kind of control, but for whatever reason, you stay where you are.

Joel wasn’t exaggerating when he said he wanted to take his time. It’s frustrating. It’s torture. He worships you, makes sure his mouth is on nearly every part of your body before he finishes undressing you. Your ankles hook over his shoulders, his hands grazing, dragging thin nylon up and off each leg. He kisses your calves, the inside of your knees, your thighs. He uses one hand to unhook your bra and pulls it away. He spends what feels like hours with his mouth on your breasts – sucking, licking, nipping – hands cupping, grabbing, pinning you down. The whole time, he’s telling you how badly he wants you, how pretty you are, how good you’re being for him. He’s either touching you too much, or maybe not enough. It’s hard to say. Only after he’s reduced you to an incoherent, whimpering mess do you somehow find the strength to fight back. 

By this point, you’re lying in the middle of the bed, your leg hooked over his hip, the waistband of his jeans digging into bare skin. He’s still got all his fucking clothes on, which makes everything so much worse, because it’s clear whose in control here, and it’s certainly not you. 

The button of his flannel is where you start, and then you work downward. Joel doesn’t stop you at any point. You think he might, just because of how things have been going. But he’s as easy as you are, and you take him in all the same after you’ve shucked off his jeans, and he’s closer to your state of buff.

To be fair, you’ve spent enough time lingering by the windows – when he’s outside mowing the lawn shirtless, or picking up his newspaper in the morning, or doing workouts in his garage with the door open (such a tease!) – to have an idea of what to expect. He’s not ripped by any means but neither are you – and you’ve never liked that anyways. But it’s not hard to ascertain that he spends all day in the sun, lifting and hauling things around. His muscles are defined, rippling lightly under his skin with each panting breath he takes. Joel’s a spectacle – broad and tan, a line of dark hair dipping from his belly-button down into the waistband of his dark-gray briefs. You can make out the way his cock is straining against the fabric.

Once you’ve appraised him as best as you can – you can see that he’s studying you, almost like he’s anxious, like you might not like what you see. As if he doesn’t know. Ridiculous. You aren’t going to leave him guessing. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Joel,” you shake your head. “You’re a fucking stud.”

Joel’s face breaks out in a grin and he yanks you back so you’re on top of him, legs on either side of his chest. And finally, finally, you can touch him like you’ve been wanting. His skin is warm – it’s kind of hot in your room, you’d forgotten to turn on the A/C, so you’re both a little sweaty. But and it’s unclear if it’s because of the heat or just how worked up you are. It doesn’t matter, because it only turns you on even more. You trace the broad plane of his chest, hand snaking down…all the way to his boxers, but he stops you. 

He’d let you undress him, allowed it, but this…it crosses a line. Joel hooks his hands behind your thighs and begins to drag you up, up, up, while he shifts lower. It takes a second to register what he’s doing, and when it does, you try to stop it.

“Joel, wait I-” 

“I have to taste you darlin’, that okay?” His dark hair is fanned out around his head, resting on your floral pillowcase. In the dim light, his pupils are so blown out you can barely see anything else except black. “I’ll give you whatever you want, but you’ve gotta let me taste you first.”

It’s not that you don’t want it, but he’s taken you off guard, and you’re already overwhelmed by how intimate all this has been, gentle and languid while he whispers honeyed words into your ear. His mind seems already made up, and you don’t really want to tell him no.

“Alright,” you manage, and you grip the top of the headboard. 

It’s embarrassing how wet you already are. It started with his hand on your knee in the car, and you have spent the last hour clenching around nothing, squeezing your legs together and searching for friction. Anything. Well, you are about to get it.

Joel’s lips press to the insides of your thighs, once more, dangerously close to where you’re weeping for him. His nose bumps your clit when he turns his head, and you whine – hips sinking to seek the contact that he’s been denying you, and then immediately pulling back in a moment of clarity.

“No, no,” Joel’s hands immediately land on your hips to hold you in place, bringing you lower. “Stay right there for me.”

You don’t dare move. 

Finally, his mouth finds you. You think he might tease for a little bit, go slow, because he’s been doing that all night, and it’s become infuriating. But he doesn’t. He eats you out, laves at you. A hot, velvet tongue that works up a steady rhythm. It’s interrupted only by the vibration of his moans every so often, which only add to the pleasure. For a moment, you miss how he’d been talking to you before, but you’re so sensitive, so eager, that you think you’ll sacrifice anything if it means he’s not going to stop. Joel keeps you still with a bruising grip on your hips. All you can do is let him have his way and whimper his name over and over, listen to him groan in response. 

Being consistent is key for you. And Joel is nothing but. Practiced, but feral….like he’s been holding back all night. It’s been a long time, or maybe he’s just that excited, it’s hard to tell. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Can’t bring yourself to care about much more than him, the man below you working you over with just his mouth. 

“I’m…Joel, I’m-” you try to pull off again, it’s too much, but he doesn’t allow it. Even if the position he’s in is compromising, he’s managed to find a way to assert himself. The coil inside you has wound so tightly that almost every muscle in your body is tense. Now, can’t even move, not even if you wanted to, and he keeps going, your words have only made him more determined.

The coil snaps. You cry out, using the headboard to stifle your noises – not worried that it will probably leave a mark. If you get nothing else from Joel, then at least it will serve as a reminder that he was here, beneath you, lapping up everything you have to give him. The orgasm leaves you weak, trembling, but he holds you up, works you through it until the waves begin to cease, and then you’re so overstimulated, so sensitive that you start to feel lightheaded. “Fuck, Joel, I can’t-” You tug on his hair, hope he’ll get the hint and release you, but he doesn’t. If anything, it only spurs him on.

His mouth is white hot on you, his tongue damp, firm as it circles your clit and drags downward. He gives you nowhere to go, no opportunity to come down from the high, so within minutes, or seconds – at this point, you’ve lost track of time – he’s worked you up to the precipice of release, and you’re coming again, crying out to him.

At last, he eases off, lets you relax. You do, carefully, and so does he, gradually removing his mouth from you while your hand untangles from his dark curls. Joel holds you steady as he sits back against the headboard, keeping you splayed across his lap. You don’t waste your time saying something stupid like “you didn’t have to do that,” because you’re not gonna pretend you didn’t love every second, but mostly because you’re not sure you’re capable of speaking just yet. His hand catches your jaw, and he looks at you – innocently, like he hadn’t just done what he had done, like his fucking beard, and chin, and lips weren’t still wet with you. But the ornery glint in his eyes gives him away. “You liked that?” he has the audacity to ask. 

A shaky hand comes to pinch your eyebrows as you let out a weak laugh, nodding. “Yeah, Joel….yeah.”

“Good,” he answers. 

“I was right about you,” you manage. 

“Yeah?” He murmurs, and his hand skates up your arm, the other settling on your waist. It’s grounding, reassuring as your heart attempts to steady its beating. 

“You’re trouble.” 

“Yeah,” Joel murmurs, and he leans in close. “Only for you, pretty girl.” 

Your hips jolt back at the term of endearment, so much so that you feel the length of his cock, hard against your ass. It’s your turn to take care of him, but it shouldn’t be difficult, because your arousal is already building again. It’ll be much, much, easier to come again, specifically around him. Plus, right now, you are willing to do just about anything for him. You kiss him, and it’s sloppy, lick the taste of yourself out of his mouth. Heat curls again in the pit of your stomach, and you grind yourself down on him through his underwear.

Joel’s head falls back, bonks the headboard, and the thud of impact is overshadowed by his agonized moan. You reach down between your bodies, let your touch land over his clothed cock. He pants out your name. So many things you could do – with only your hand, or your mouth, but before you can decide, he speaks again.

“Wanna be inside you,” he grits out. “So fucking bad.” 

“You don’t want me to-”

“No,” he cuts you off. “No, no. I need you.”

“You can have me,” you nod, leaning forward to kiss his neck, pushing down the elastic of his underwear. Joel lets you, his hips stuttering, until he freezes. “Shit.” He reaches out to halt your movements.

You look up, his eyes are wide. “What is it?”

“I’m sorry, I uh, I left my wallet in the car,” Joel’s voice is pinched, palms leaving your body to press against his eyes, frustrated. “I brought condoms, but they’re - I’ll have to go get them.”

“I have some,” you pipe up, nodding towards your bedside table. Joel reaches for it, but it's your turn to stop him. “But I mean, I’m clean,” you say. “...And I have an IUD, so…” 

Joel pauses, stares at you under thick lashes. “You sure that…” So tentative. “....That’s okay with you?” 

You feel yourself smirk a little as you look at him. It’s not something you’d allow anyone to do. But you’re feeling a little lost in the moment. The part of your brain that usually tells you to run for the hills whenever things get too real has turned off. It’s not the first time he’s caused that, and you sort of enjoy the delusion. There’s no question. It’s Joel.  “Oh, yeah.”

The words ignite something in him that you weren’t entirely prepared for, and he’s pulling you hard against his mouth with one hand, while the other pushes his briefs down the rest of the way. You don’t get the chance to see him, to feel him, before he’s lining himself up with your slick cunt. 

It’s a soft glide of sensitive skin across sensitive skin, and you shake with anticipation. You don’t even know you have your eyes closed, focusing on the sensation, until you hear Joel’s voice. 

“Open your eyes,” he commands. “Please just-” he swallows hard. “I wanna watch you. So fucking pretty.” 

You obey, and he guides your hand to replace your own. It’s not until your hand wraps around him that you’re aware of just how thick his cock is, throbbing and leaking, and it makes you all the more eager. Slowly, you start to sink down, but it’s too challenging to take him all at once. So first, just the tip, you roll back to ease the sting, then gradually sink lower and low. 

Joel moves closer to you, holding his breath, guiding you along, propped back against the pillows. “That’s it, so fucking good, baby…”

You understand why he was moving so languidly earlier. This is meant to be enjoyed. After some time, and lots of praise, your hips settle flush with his own, and he’s seated fully inside of you. It’s a delicious stretch that your body isn’t fully ready to accommodate, but it has your toes curling and mouth hanging open, bearing down on him involuntarily. Under Joel’s watchful gaze you feel terribly, terribly exposed. 

“Keep going,” Joel encourages. So you move. It’s experimental at first, small ruts against him, getting used to the way it feels. It doesn’t take you long to find the spot that makes you abandon eye contact, throw your head back, and –

“Oh, Joel.”

“Yeah?” he asks, and he sounds strained, pinched – he’s holding back, but still enjoying every second. “That feel good?”

You nod furiously. He lets you find a rhythm that works for you, lets you take your time, and once you do, he starts to match your pace. His hands don’t stay in one place for very long. First, they’re resting gently on your ass. Then they’re cupping your tits, watching them bounce as they sway with your movements. He brings his knees up behind you, pressing his feet into the bed, and uses the leverage to fuck himself deeper each time you lower yourself onto him. 

At this point, you’re unaware of what types of noises you must be making, and you’re thankful that you’re alone so you can be as loud as you want. His cock is hitting places inside you that you didn’t know existed, and rolling across the same spot over and over and over. 

“You feel so perfect for me,” Joel says, his jaw clenched, his chest rising and falling. “So, so good, baby, so fucking pretty.” 

“Mm-hmm,” is all you can answer, nodding furiously and feeling yourself grow wetter and wetter with every thrust. 

You’re too easy for him. And you were too worked up to begin with. “Joel, I can’t-”

He slams his hips up into yours so hard you cut yourself off with a choked gasp. Then he does it again. “You gonna come for me?” he asks. “I can feel you, baby, I know it’s close.” 

“Y-yeah,” he’s got you stammering on your words. You’re clamping down onto him so tightly it hurts. But you’re so desperate to come, to feel what it’ll do to him, that you don’t stop.

“Come here,” he murmurs, hands around your waist, pulling you down so your lips are nearly touching. “Stay close to me.”

“Oh, fuck, oh-” The warmth of his body so close to yours, your hands bracing themselves on his chest, the comfort of his arms around you, all coupled with one vicious rut of his hips has you right there. Joel tilts your head back just enough so you’re forced to look directly at him – and then you come undone. 

You want to close your eyes, turn your head, but you’ve got nowhere to go, and he’s right in front of you. Joel’s touch slides up your back, draws you even closer, and you ride out your third orgasm of the night while pressed entirely against his chest, forced to be vulnerable in a way you’ve never been with anyone before. “So good, baby, so good. Such a good fuckin’ girl for me,” he praises you through it, works you through it, until you’re all but melted in his arms, and he still hasn’t pulled his eyes away.

Utterly spent, you know, distantly, somewhere, that he has to come. However, Joel takes over, flips you both so you’re underneath him, and presses himself deep into the cradle of your pelvis. He’s heavy on top of you, but the weight is somehow soothing.

“I thought about you,” you murmur, hoping it’ll help. His jaw is set, solely focused on his own release. “How good you’d feel.”

“Fuck, really?” he grunts. “I-I- did too.”

“Yeah?” you ask, feeling flush at the admission. “I thought about….letting y-you use me.”

Joel groans your name, curses loudly, ruts into you even harder. You can feel him throbbing, so fucking close, and you arch yourself up to meet him, pleasure already building again, even though you thought it wasn’t possible. 

“It’s so much better, Joel, you’re so much better–” 

Than I imagined. But you don’t have to finish the thought. The idea of you, thinking of him, seems to be enough as it is, and you feel him pulsing, warmth blooming and spreading out as he groans, throws his head back and spills himself impossibly deep inside you. If you weren’t utterly spent, the feeling of him coming – and nothing between you, probably would have set you off again. For now, it’s enough.

His whole body goes limp as he relaxes his arms from where they’re braced on either side of you, his head falling into the crook of your neck. You hear him take a few, haggard breaths once it’s over, and then a deep chuckle vibrates in your ear. “Fuck, baby.”

You rub his shoulder lightly to soothe him, and his lips find the underside of your jaw, kissing lightly his beard scratching your cheeks. For an undetermined amount of time, he remains there. Normally, you’d probably check his watch, but you’ve noticed that the one he always wears is broken, and really….you feel content.

Finally, Joel pulls away, cursing under his breath and withdrawing from you. He runs his hand through his hair, and flops on his back by your side, and you feel horribly empty. After he’s cupped your cheek, turning you gently to look at him – he gives you a tender, affectionate smile. 

It hits you like a freight train. 

He was not the type of man you dated. The men you dated liked to slap, choke, withhold. That had always been what you’d gotten off to. The more frenzied, the more impersonal – the better. That wasn’t to say Joel hadn’t been passionate. But you’d never experienced anything like this before.

You tear away from his gaze, focus on the ceiling. Heart pounding, threatening to break through your ribs, you feel your mouth dry up, your eyes burn and fuck – you’re about to cry. Try to turn yourself away from him, but he sees it. 

“You alright?”

“Yeah, just uh-” your voice catches on the lump forming in the back of your throat and cracks audibly, raw. 

“Hey– ” you hear the mattress shift, he’s moving closer, and you start to scramble. You’ve gotta leave. Get to the bathroom, compose yourself. “Where are you goin?”

“Joel, I just need to-” but his hand circles your wrist, and you don’t have the power to resist him. The bones of his hand press firmly in your cheek, turning your head so you have to look at him. There are tears in your eyes.  

“What’s wrong, baby? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Up close you can see that his eyes aren’t brown – they’re hazel. Mesmerizing, long lashes – gold and green rimming his irises. How had you not noticed that before? 

“No, no not at all it was just…” you’re talking so fast, not even sure where you’re going with the sentence. “I’m sorry, I liked it I just-I don’t know,” you stutter. Shaking your head, you cover your face. You don’t want to feel this way with him here. “I’m not used to-” 

Joel, who has never seen you at a loss for words, frowns, draws you against him. “Come here.”

“It’s okay,” he lets you press your face just below his jaw. He’s being so soft, it makes everything that much worse. Tears slip down your cheeks, landing on his skin. He strokes your hair, holds you so tightly, firmly, "It was intense, huh?” 

You want to resent the way he’s speaking to you – like you’re a child who fell off her bike and skinned her knee, and not a grown ass woman realizing how disconnected she’s felt with every other partner until now. But unfortunately, it’s kind of working. You murmur an affirmation in response. ”I’ve got you, it’s okay,” he promises. 

He holds you until the tide of emotion swells, settles, lips against your temple, his fingertips tracing up and down your spine, and gives you the time to compose yourself.

“That was really nice, I promise,” you say, eventually. And then, because he’s been so gracious, you’re honest. “It’s just been…a long time…” Forever, really. “Since I felt…”

“I know,” Joel nods. “Me too. It’s alright.” 

“Yeah,” you bob your head. He holds your face reverently, and pulls you in for a chaste kiss before tucking you back against his chest. You close your eyes, nestle against him. He strokes your hair while you listen to the steady beat of his heart.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The next thing you know, you’re being gently shaken awake. Somehow, you’d fallen asleep. 

“Hey, baby,” Joel murmurs softly. 

“Mmm?” you groan in response, exhaustion clinging to your limbs. 

“I’m sorry, I gotta get going.” 

You scoff into his neck and make a noise of protest, still not entirely roused, he’d woken you too delicately. When he speaks, his lips brush against your forehead, hands still tracing up and down the lines of your body and making you shiver. “I told Sarah and Tommy I’d be home by midnight.”

“Right,” you mutter, finding the strength to push yourself off of him and stretch. Joel sits up, very tentatively releasing you from his grip. 

“I’m sorry I had to wake you, I can see myself out.”

“No, no,” you shake your head. “No, please. Do you need anything?”

“Can I use your bathroom?” 

“Of course,” you point towards the ensuite. 

Joel collects his discarded clothes off the bed, then the floor, and disappears. You hear the sink running, watch the shuffling shadows he casts in the crack below the door. While he’s doing that, you slip into your robe and run your fingers through your hair, taking in the disheveled state of your bed, before deciding to clean up in the extra bathroom down the hall.

On your way back, you run into Joel, who looks better than ever, tanned skin glowing, a soft smile on his face. “Hey,” he says. 

“Hey.” 

“This was nice. I had a really good time.” 

“Me too.”

“Will you…” he trails off, rubs his jaw. “Will you be okay? I don’t want to-”

“I’m fine,” you say, dismissively. “I just had a moment.”

“You sure?”

“Of course.” Joel studies you carefully, and you’re prompted to continue. “I promise. Joel. This was nice.”

“It was,” he grins. “I’d like to see you again.” 

“Me too,” you don’t even think before you answer, despite everything. It surprises you, how willing you suddenly are.

“Good.” He kisses you, slow and lingering. “I’ll give you a call.” 

“Okay.”

-

part vi

taglist: @yaskna@venomous-ko@lomljigg@yeehawbitchs@ay0nha @eldahae @lol-im-done@melancholicmelanin@reggies-floatie @omniscientqueer@superflymaterial@mikkorantanev@zbeez-outlet @nadja-antipaxos @strawberri-blonde @jabbajambler @ponyboys-sunsets @kyuupidwrites @r4efromvenus @loveatfirstsight-atlastsight @korianderbandit @nicoleoeoeoe @hotgirlsshareaccounts @madisonred88 @crustyrustydusty @sflame15-blog @issybee0611 @darkemeralddiamond @grandmana @totallynotastanacc @ay0nha @virgogaia @lunarxeclipse @marysucks-blog @jabbajambler @surazim @naiomiwinchester @raindrcpsangel @dorotheapascal @mythical-mushrooms13 @chernayawidow

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller series #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfic #joel miller x you #the last of us #the last of us writing #tlou #tlou writing #pedro pascal #troy baker #sarah miller #tommy miller #pre-outbreak! joel miller x reader #joel miller fluff #joel miller smut #joel miller x f!reader #the last of us hbo #tlou hbo #this chapter got a little TOO REAL for me you know #like #crying after sex??? relatable #also had to stop putting gifs on this story because it makes my computer/tumblr freak out #not sure what the problem is but i have too much happening to figure it out #texas sun

[cumulo-stratus]

01- Lover

pairing- Spencer Reid x Male!reader summary- slow burn story of how spencer reid fell in love with Y/n L/n warnings- profanities, some arguing, lemme know if theres anything else! wc- 2k

a/n- Guys!! im so excited about this idea, orginally it was going to be short blurbs for each time all in one fic but i got carried away and its turned into a series now. And i know im still a little behind on Flufftober ficus but i needed to take a break from writing things to fit a prompt, i was feeling kinda creatively burnt out from it so i just wanted to write something off the top of my head and the song came on my headphones and then i blacked out and here we are lmao, hope you like it! (P.S. so much credit to @avis-writeshq for the inspo around some of it , totally a great writer and you should totally go check them out!)

Notes: (E/C) = Eye color | (H/T) = hair type (curly, wavy, thick, thin etc.)

part 1//part 2

spencer stepped onto the same train he took every morning; the green line for 5 stops, and the red line for 1 after that. Spencer prefers his first leg of the journey though- but thats only because of The Boy. Who’s The Boy, you ask? Well, The Boy is a man on the train, and this man on the train spencer had seen everyday for last 6 months. everyday, 1 stop after spencer gets on The Boy would get on. He would sit in the same seat near the back, put his olive green backpack between his legs, and put his headphones in his ears. he would sit, one leg crossed over the other and read anything from Poe to Austen.

Spencer always stared, now to be fair The Boy was very naturally handsome. He had striking (E/C) eyes, and (H/T) hair. His style often resembled spencers, slacks and button ups with cardigans and sweater vests, The Boy tended to lean towards more bright colors ad fun patterns then spencer.

Today, spencer noticed he had started a new book; A Collected Works of Edgar Allen Poe. Yesterday he had been reading a book on the history of witch craft, spencer thought it went well with the the witch hats and black cats on his knitted sweater, very fitting for October he may add.

And once again spencer was staring (nothing out of the ordinary) but today The Boy looked up at just the right time and caught spencer in the act. He immediately looked down, blushing profusely. But if he had looked back for another second spencer wouldve seen The boys sly smirk, and the slight tinge of warmth on his cheeks. Spencer decided the best possible course of action was to pretend nothing had happened and bury his silent admiration of the mystery boy on the train. But that plan was thrown completely out the window when The mystery boy got up from his seat, picked up his bag and plopped down next to spencer in an open plastic seat. Because little did spencer know but The Boy had done his own fair share of staring at spencer from afar, admiring his natural beauty and book choice. He had been toying with the notion of finally approaching this mystery man, and this was the final push he needed to approach spencer.

“so, you like Poes works?”

spencer looked up to find The Boy looking at him expectedly with a friendly smile. The same boy he had fantasized over for almost 6 months but never even thought of approaching, had just walked up to him and started a conversation.

spencers mind was reeling, to say the least.

but he still managed to squeak out “Yes, he’s one of my favorites” But add in a dash of stuttering and blushing. What can i say? It was an awkward interaction for and awkward guy. But this didnt deter The Boy, who then lit up at spencers words (which also caught spencer off guard and left him reeling for a moment) and said “Me too! but my favorite has to be ‘Annabel Lee’, everyone thinks its the documentation of a man going insane over his obsession with a girl named Annabel Lee. But i personally think its just a guy who’s madly in love, and people are a little jealous of the pure, intense type of love that Poe was writing about..” The boy looked down and blushed, trailing off. spencer looked at him confused and with a surge of confidence said “what-?” with confusion. The boy looked back up, almost surprised at spencers words, at spencers encouragement. This said encouragement gave him the confidence needed to say “im sorry, i realized i was rambling to a stranger on the train and i didnt even introduce myself; Im dr. Y/n L/n, whats your name? Spencer chuckled to himself at how who he now knew as Y/n, managed to say so many words in so little time. “I also have a habit of talking too fast when im nervous, sorry about that” Y/n added, taking care to speak at a slower pace. Spencer didnt mind it and was mostly focused on the fact that Y/n was nervous, did spencer make Y/n nervous? but he wasnt caught up in his thoughts for too long and remembered to respond to Y/ns question “its okay, i ramble a lot too, i dont mind. And im spencer. Dr. Spencer reid-“ spencer cut himself off to finally look at y/n before continuing- “but im not a medical doctor, I have doctorates in Math, Chemistry and Engineering.”

Y/n had an almost proud smile on his face, And said “wow, smart cookie!” his tone was joking of course but spencer still blushed profusely, despite his many attempts to stop it. Y/n continued, not noticing spencers flushed state, much to spencer’s relief. “Im not a medical doctor either though, i have PHDs in both math and physics. I always thought i was above average, but ive been outdone!” Y/ns tone was joking as he said it.

They continued their introductory conversation for another couple minutes when Spencer, in an effort to keep the conversation going, had asked what Y/n was listening to.

“im listening to Ours, by taylor swift, and im not a swiftie, im a taylor swift enjoyer.” Y/n said with a definitive tone. But spencer only looked at Y/n with confusion written across his features. “Whats a- swiftie…?” spencer asked. Y/ns faced seemed to almost drain of color at this statement. “Whats a swiftie?!” his tone was incredulous, as if spencer had committed some heinous act, which he was pretty sure he hadn’t. “swifties are people who thoroughly enjoy the music of none other than the greatest pop musician of all time!” spencer was a little embarrassed, he didnt want to miss out on something Y/n enjoyed so he held his hand out and asked, “maybe i could listen to it with you, and learn about her music?” Y/n grinned at the idea, and handed spencer one of his airpods and restarted the song.

and so for the rest of their train ride, they listened Y/n’s taylor swift playlist. But After hearing Ours, it remained his favorite.

And so, for the next few weeks it continued on like this. Y/n would get on the train at spencers first stop, and B-line straight to the back of the train where spencer had saved a seat for him. And then they would sit and talk, about anything from literature, to art, to science. But one thing always remained; Taylor Swift. Everyday Y/n would have a new collection of song for him to listen to on his airpods as they talked. But Ours still remained his ever favorite, although Cardigan and Willow were close seconds.

Today, however, was different. Today, after much encouragement and much teasing, spencer was going to ask Y/n out. His team couldnt deal with anymore gushing about Y/n, the guy from the train.

spencer waited impatiently for Y/n to step onto the train at his stop. He almost missed and almost ran into at least 2 people on the way to his seat. Y/n plopped down into his seat breathlessly and started his normal routine of pulling out his airpods and queuing up the music. But he was stopped in his tracks, the airpod he was about to offer to spencer, when the latter blurted out “Hey would you maybe wanna go get coffee with me on Saturday afternoon at perfectos?” Spencer had spoken so fast Y/n barely caught it. But he was amazed at spencers attention to detail. Y/n had never even told him he liked perfectos cafe (he was of the firm belief that they made the best coffee in DC). He had just walked in with a cup of coffee from them almost everyday. It made his heart swell at the gesture, and his cheeks redden at spencers question.

that reminded Y/n to answer, instead of just sitting there wide eyed like a deer in headlights. And said; “i’d love that spencer, thank you”

spencer had been so caught up in his thoughts, and worries over the words that had just spilled from his lips moments ago that he was caught off guard at Y/n’s positive response. They both beefed at each other like children for the rest of the ride until Y/n got off, and not even when spencer arrived for work could he wipe the smile off his face, much to the delight of Morgan and JJ.

To Be Continued…

#bau #criminal minds #bau team #spencer reid #spencer reid x male reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid series #cute #fluff #series #train ride #meet cute #taylor swift #swiftie #ours by taylor swift

[jasntodds]

Caving In [9]

Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 12,892

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, fluff, canon typical things, canon violence, it’s not explicitly said how jason knows about deathstroke so in my fic it’s public knowledge that aqualad was killed by deathstroke, mentions of blood, mentions of injuries, a little bit of angst

Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people’s hearts?❞ You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

A/N: So, I did some math and figured out I’m almost done writing this?????? I have a backlog of chapters written, just not edited so that’s kind of insane lol I’m very excited about it because I have so many more plans!! This chapter picks up with season 2 episode 2!! I am easily motivated to post more often when I get feedback 😂 You can add yourself the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary​​ and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Over the next month, a routine develops for Gar and you. A few days of the week, Gar finds himself hiding out in your room. You were right, Dick, Jason, and Rachel don’t tend to bother him when he’s in your room. And you actually did make a sign that reads ‘keep out, ☠️’ and hung it on your door. It’s double-sided so the other side just says your name. You flip it around when Gar comes to escape and he finds it equally fun and sweet.

At first, you’d watch a movie or two and talk about whatever was bothering Gar. He’s gotten better at talking about it and it’s been a lot of him talking about Caulder House and his own nightmares of the day with Trigon’s bullshit. You didn’t know he had nightmares, too and you wonder how he hides it so fucking well. You’re not nearly as good at it as he is and you worry about him. You never want Gar to turn as bitter and calloused as you are about the world. He’s too good.

But, after the month, the talking and movies turned into something more comfortable. Gar will bring in one of his video game consoles. You will play with him sometimes but other times, you just like to watch. Gar likes Resident Evil and that’s a game you definitely prefer to watch. And Gar has his own collection of comics. You turned them down at first with not being a huge fan of reading, but after reading over Gar’s shoulder a few times, you got into The Walking Dead comics. Apparently, reading comics is a lot easier than reading a book. So, now it’s turned into Gar playing video games and you sitting with your legs on his lap, reading one of his comics in a comfortable silence, a joke here and there thrown around.

Training has also been going well for you. Your hands have healed and so have the rest of your injuries. You keep up well with Gar and Rachel now, the extra training sessions with Jason and Gar have helped significantly. And you’ve picked up knife throwing again, something you learned back in Gotham from one of the street kids you used to run with. You’re rusty and not a sharpshooter by any means, but it’s something. It eases some of the tension you feel in your shoulders.

When you can feel yourself wanting to lose it again because something brings back too many memories, you take Jason up on his offer to let you take it out on him. You’ll go for an extra sparring session sometimes, just the two of you and Jason helps you work through it without talking about it. It always makes you feel better and if you’re being honest, you really like the support system you have with the two boys. It’s something you never thought you’d have after your mom died but every day you’re so grateful for the two of them and even for Dick because he brought you here. That’s something you have no idea how you’ll ever be able to thank him for.

It’s a morning session now though and you’re in the training room with Gar and Jason while Rachel and Dick are out getting coffee. Dick has this bright idea to start blindfolding all of you to train because you can lose any of your senses at any time and you need to be prepared. Jason, of course, is really taking that to the next level by making Gar not have a blindfold while he does and making you sit out.

“Why do I have to sit out for this?” You fake-whine from one of the benches while Jason ties his blindfold behind his head and Gar stands in front of him looking bored.

“Because you have that combat shit. It defeats the purpose.” Jason snips back.

“Well, I don’t have to be blindfolded.” You mock him.

“Just shut up and watch us. Take some notes, you fucking need it.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Jay.” You groan, leaning back.

“When I give the word, come at me.” Jason says to Gar, holding his wooden sword out, ready to fight. “And don’t hold back.” He says, you rolling your eyes into the back of your head. Gar nods, looking bored and displeased with doing this. “Did you just nod?”

“Yeah, got it. Just, uh, don’t hold back.” Gar makes a jittered movement as if to be mocking Jason, you almost snicker from behind.

“Don’t kill each other please.”  You mock.

“Shut up, Y/n!” Jason groans, tilting his head back. He takes a second to breathe as he gets into position. “Go!” Jason yells.

Jason swings the sword at Gar, but Gar just hits it out of the way while Jason’s sword is an inch from his face. Gar’s eyes widen a bit in shock and amazed, looking back at you. You make the same expression, humming in response. Gar pushes the sword from his face taking a step forward with a swing at Jason, only for Jason to move out of the way in time and jabs his sword across the front of Gar’s chest. Gar waves a hand in front of Jason’s face, making sure he can’t see anything. Gar gives you a questionable look and all you can do is shrug your shoulder just as confused as he is. Surely, Jason has to be able to see him because this is just weird. Jason talks about your combat clairvoyance, maybe he needs to look in the mirror. Jason pulls his sword back, Gar takes a step back and then the real sparring begins.

Jason and Gar move around the mat, blocking each other quickly. It’s definitely a sight to see because Jason might as well not be wearing a blindfold. Gar can’t get a single hit in and barely dodges Jason’s jabs. It’s as if they’re doing this perfectly choreographed dance. It’s equally entertaining, impressive, and attractive. The two boys sparing is always a big heart-eye moment for you. But, somewhere along the way, Jason seems to have lost track of his rhythm, completely flipping away from Gar, giving Gar the perfect opportunity to bonk Jason on the head with his sword. You start laughing while Jason rips his blindfold off, spinning around to face Gar.

“Hey, fuck man.” Jason gasps at Gar, clearly annoyed.

“You said don’t hold back.” Gar defends, you getting up from your bench to join the boys.

“What were you doing? I was fucking blindfolded!” Jason yells.

“You told him to do it!” You defend Gar. “He just tapped you on the head, chill the fuck out.” You can’t believe he’s actually mad about this. It was his idea to not have Gar wear a blindfold.

“Stay out of it!” Jason snaps, turning his attention back to Gar.

“You said:” Gar starts before he, poorly, mimics Jason’s voice with the same jittered motion as before. “Don’t hold back.”

“Should I get the hose?” Rachel comes strolling in.

“What’s going on?” Dick asks, following right behind.

“Jason’s being a baby.” You quip, crossing your arms as you stand on the other side of Gar.

“Hey, fuck you!” Jason’s eyes nearly bug out of his head as he snaps at you, Gar moving to block Jason’s view of you. Jason leans further forward to see you. “You could have warned me! Or fucking helped instead of doing nothing!”

“You told me not to!” You scream at him. “You said no because I have the combat thing.” You mock his voice, with a grimace before Gar stands further in the way to block you from Jason. He’s not sure who he’s trying to block from the other really, Jason is beet red and you look like you might strangle him.

“Um, hello?” Dick states, waiting for one of you to answer his previous question.

“We did what you said,” Jason turns his attention Dick. “The blindfold thing then he went nuts on me.”

You groan loudly, putting your hands on your face in frustration.

“He said don’t hold back.” Gar repeats, this time his voice louder and higher pitched, the annoyance growing.

“Then why do we even learn to fight like this, man?” Jason argues, throwing his arms to the sides. “Hey, it’s idiotic.” He takes a step forward, pointing at his head with wide eyes, almost a crazed look in his eye. “We have eyes.”

“In battle, anything can be taken from you.” Dick’s voice is calm as he walks further onto the mat. “Your hands.” Dick says before quickly twisting Jason’s arm and grabbing the wooden sword from him, making it look effortless. He moves to Gar, quickly using the sword to strike at Gar, Gar blocking a few times before Dick gets the sword right between Gar’s feet, just missing him. “Your feet.” Dick swings the sword at you, the sword aimed just a few centimeters from hitting you right between the eyes. You take a step back, eyes widening and crossed as you look at the sword. He swings the sword at Rachel, doing the same gesture. “And your eyes.” He pauses before stepping back, and putting the sword down. “No matter what is taken, you must be able to keep fighting and win.” Dick faces the boys and you again. “Alright, get changed. Attack scenarios in the tech room in five minutes. Then breakfast.”

You, Gar, and Rachel don’t argue and instead, leave the training room without another word, leaving Jason behind with Dick. This is a pretty normal thing. When training doesn’t go exactly how Jason wants it to, which is normally that he doesn’t win all the time, he gets mad and blames everyone else for it. This time, it’s just that it was Gar who wasn’t blindfolded. It’s gotten a little worse over the last month, Gar and you are pretty sure he’s just stir-crazy from being at the tower and not having any real crime to fight. He’s probably bored of sparring with you and not being in Gotham so the two of you let it go easily.

“Why does Dick sound like Daniel Larusso?” You ask as the three of you head down the hallway.

Rachel lets out a chuckle. “He literally sounds like Mr. Miogi.”

“He says we watch too much TV, maybe he needs to stop watching the Karate Kid and Cobra Kai.” Gar laughs.

“Maybe he doesn’t know what to do so he’s looking to them for inspiration.” You jokes.

“Someone should tell him it doesn’t work like that.” Rachel adds in.

“Awww, but it’ll just break little Dicky’s heart.” You mock, placing your hands over your heart with a fake pout.

“Yeah, I’m looking to be on his shitlist.” Gar chortles as the three of you reach your rooms.

“He would never put you on his shitlist.” Rachel scoffs, Gar raising a brow at her.

“He’s taken you right on under his little batwing.” You add in.

You joke about Dick but over the last month he’s grown on you quite a bit. He’s really not so bad when you’re not making him mad. He’s kind of making it obvious that he really wants to make sure you’re all ready before he sends you out on some type of mission. He can also even be funny sometimes and partake in jokes. He’s even joined all of you for a movie night so he’s grown on you but you have to poke fun.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Gar questions, looking between you and Rachel.

Rachel and you look to each other from across the hall. You shrug. “Well, I think we mean he’s really nice to you and sees you as responsible.”

“Yeah,” Rachel nods in agreement. “You always do what he says, besides that one time.” Rachel looks to you.

“Which was my fault so Dick didn’t fault you and probably admires your ability to risk getting into trouble with him to protect me and Jason.” You explain. “And it was just sparring.”

“That’s not true.” Gar defends. “I don’t always listen to him.”

You and Rachel exchange another look. “When was the last time you didn’t do what he said?” Rachel asks.

Gar stands for a second, trying to remember the last time he didn’t listen to Dick and as he thinks about it, you both have a point. He does do what Dick says all the time, without even questioning him. It’s who he is though. He exactly like to disobey authority. Sneaking out behind the Chief's back was different, this is Dick. And, every time someone has went against what Dick has said, shit hits the fan so maybe Gar is onto something.

“Okay, that’s fair.” Gar chuckles, looking to the floor and back to the two of you.

“It’s not a bad thing.” Rachel reassures him. “We’ll never be in trouble.”

“It’s not that bad being on his shitlist.” You state. “But, yeah, it’s not a bad thing. It’s probably better to not have him mad, though it is very fucking funny sometimes.” You gain a sinister grin. 

“Okay, don’t listen to y/n.” Rachel rolls her eyes with a sigh. “It’s not funny and it’s best for everyone to not piss him off.”

“I haven’t pissed him off in like a whole week, that’s a record.” You hold your head up high, Gar chuckling under his breath.

“You are proud of that, aren’t you?” Gar asks.

“Kind of.” You giggle. “No, but really, Rachel is right. It is better not pissing him off, he’s kind of cool when he’s not mad.”

“Yeah, I’m not looking to make him mad anyway.” Gar shakes his head. “You and Jason have that handled.”

“They are very good at it.” Rachel mutters.

“Teamwork.” You grin.

“Okay, get changed.” Rachel cuts the conversation. “Otherwise he will be mad because we’ll be late.”

“Yes, ma’am.” You joke, walking into your room, Gar following your lead and heads into his room.

Later that night, the four of you found yourselves doing your own things. Gar and Jason made up while you found yourself in Rachel’s room. Rachel is sitting at her desk while you’re laying on Rachel’s bed, upside down with your head off the end of the bed, looking at Rachel. Usually, when the boys hang out, the two of you spend time together. You like to give Rachel shit for being Dick’s lap dog but you do like her and enjoy spending time with her. Rachel really likes having another girl around, the month she spent with boys was not the best. She loves them, besides Jason, but they’re a little much sometimes. Too much testosterone in one place for her liking.

“So, when do you think Dick will let us do something?” You ask, scrolling through your phone, keeping your head hanging off the end of the bed.

“Not you, too.” Rachel groans.

“What?” You question, moving your phone to get a better look at Rachel. Rachel just widens her eyes and raises her brows. “No, I mean, I’m just wondering. I’m not gonna go rogue again, I promise.” You roll your eyes, a smile coming to your lips.

“Mhm.” Rachel hums. “I don’t know. Do you really think we’re ready?”

“Oh, I mean I think I am.” You quip. “Ya know, given the track record.” You scoff. “Jason’s probably been ready in his entire life. You and Gar seem to be fine.”

��Yeah, but we don’t stand a chance against Dick even if it’s us four against him.”

“We could if he’d let us use our powers.” You wave your left hand at Rachel, your palm glowing green.

Rachel rolls her eyes. “I don’t have that kind of control, Y/n.”

“True,” You start, pulling yourself up and flipping around to lie on your stomach and face Rachel. “But, if he would let you use your powers maybe you’d gain some control.”

“That’s not how you did it, right?”

“No,” You scoff. “But, it’s probably different for you. You were born with them and your powers are clearly stronger than mine. Maybe not using them makes it worse.” You offer. “Your side.” Your words go hesitant.

Rachel’s eyes widen, surprise and a hint of panic consuming her face. “How did you--” 

“Don’t freak out, but I saw them when we were sparring. I didn’t tell anyone or anything.” Your voice is nonchalant but understanding.

“Thank you.” Rachel’s voice is soft. “Can we not talk about it?”

“Sure.” You shrug. “What’d you wanna talk about?”

Rachel gains a cheeky smirk and you can already tell where this is going. “So…about the boys.” Rachel’s smile splits her face.

You let out a dramatic sigh. “Yes, Rachel?”

“What’s going on?” Rachel laughs.

“Whatever do you mean?” You play dumb, an innocent smile playing on your lips.

You know Rachel isn’t oblivious. You tend to flirt with both of them and you are almost always with at least one of them. Over the last month, it’s just become a little more obvious.

“Come on.” Rachel laughs. “Do you like either of them?”

Rachel is curious, sure but she sees how you flirt with Jason. It’s different with him than it is with Gar, anyone could see that. Gar is Rachel’s friend and while she likes you, she is kind of worried that you’re playing a game with the two of them. If you hurt Jason, fine, he’ll probably deserve it but not Gar.

“Hmmm.” You hum. “Oh, yeah.” You nod quickly.

“Which one?!”

“Both.” You state as if it were obvious.

“Right, okay.” Rachel nods, trying to wrap her head around someone actually liking Jason. Gar she completely understands but Jason? “Both of them?”

“I know, you’re really trying to not gag at Jason.” You laugh. “He’s, ya know, a smartass and hot and shockingly funny.” You neglect to include every nice thing Jason has said to you and done for you, something you like to keep like a secret. “And Gar, well, I don’t think I need to explain Gar.”

“Okay, so what are you gonna do about it?” Rachel asks. “A love triangle.” Rachel has a teasing grin with her words.

You grimace. “Ewww, I hate love triangles.” You groan. “I know what you’re gonna say, but humor me and tell me what you think.”

“Well,” Rachel leans forward, resting her elbows on her thighs, hands holding her head. “Fuck Jason,” Rachel starts, getting an eyebrow raise and a devious grin from you. “Not literally, oh my gosh.” Rachel rolls her eyes as you chortle. “He’s an asshole to everyone, including you.” Rachel argues against Jason.

“Right, yeah, but he is also nice to me and I’m also kind of an asshole to him.” You defend with the scrunch of your nose.

“Yeah, but today, you didn’t even do anything and he was throwing a fit because you did what he asked.”

“Okay,” You nod tilting your head to the right. “That’s a fair point, actually. Continue.” You put your elbow to the bed, using one hand to hold your head up.

“He calls us freaks.”

“I think Jason thinks everyone is a freak though.” You state.

“Maybe, but it’s still hurtful.” Rachel argues.

“Doesn't really bother me." You shrug casually. "Also, fair though.” You nod in agreement.

“He didn’t stop you from going to Jerry’s which was a bad thing, Y/n.” Rachel points a finger at you, disapproval on her face.

“But he didn’t let me go alone, Rachel.” You mimic her actions.

“But, but,” Rachel starts. “Gar would have tried to stop you and went with you if you were still insistent on it.”

“Wait, how did you know Jason didn’t try to stop me?" You furrow your brows, putting your hand back down.

“No one believes he tried to stop you.” Rachel laughs.

“Alright, you’ve got me there.” You state. “But, you have to give me one pro to Jason otherwise it sounds too biased.”

Rachel pauses trying to think of something good to say about Jason. She actually didn’t hate him originally. She kind of liked him actually but after the whole Trigon situation, he’s been pretty nasty to her. They can get along and be civil of course, but when Jason’s mad, Rachel tends to be the person he’s the most mean to and Rachel has grown to think he’s too entitled and too arrogant. Neither of them have actually bothered to have a conversation about any of it or figure out how they can get along better.

“I am biased.” Rachel laughs, not able to come up with anything. “He’s just so,” Rachel grimaces. “He hates me for no reason.”

“I meeeaaannnn….” You wince.

“What? Did he say something?” Rachel leans forward and if you know something, she is all ears.

“No, but it’s not that hard to figure out from where I’m sitting.” Your eyes go a little wide and you’re surprised Rachel hasn't figured it out.

“Well, tell me! I don’t like that he hates me.”

You pause and for a second you debate saying anything. It's not really your place. But, Jason also hasn't told you why he hates Rachel. This is just you putting all of the pieces together. Rachel is your friend anyway and it would be a lot easier if the two of them got along so, you decide to tell Rachel what you think.

“Okay, from where I’m sitting, it seems like he hates you and thinks you’re a freak because he was possessed, right? Seems like the issues that surround you guys is because of that night, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, Gar is a bit…wishy-washy about Dick. He listens to him maybe a little too much sometimes. He’s protective of you, sure, but he’s a different kind of protective when it comes to you. Jason….hates you. I’m just saying, all of you have that night in common, right?” You ask and Rachel nod. “And how was Jason when you first met him?”

“Fine, he was…Jason.” Rachel laughs softly. “Cocky, charming in his weird way, a bit braggy about Robin but kind of funny.”

“Okay and he was chill with you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So, what happened between Chicago and Trigon?”

“He helped Dick with something and Dick sent him back to Gotham. He showed up at my mom’s with Dawn and Hank, Trigon was there already.” Rachel explains plainly.

“Mhm, and you and Gar were?” You gesture a palm out, moving it in front of you.

“Trying to escape.” Rachel furrows her brows, still completely following.

“Okay, so follow me: Jason gets sent to help Dick by Bruce because Jason is following in Dick’s footsteps as the new Robin. He’s a shiny new Gotham toy. He helps Dick just long enough for Dick to not be interested in getting to know the kid who’s taking over for him because Dick quit and sends him back to Gotham but Dick keeps you and Gar around, right? Two kids he, otherwise, has no relation to. At least Dick and Jason were taken in by Bruce and have Robin in common so they are, actually, like brothers. But, you’re just some kid who found Dick and Dick decided that was good enough for him to bring you under his wing and then Gar got to tag along and neither of you were sent back to where you came from, just Jason despite Jason offering his help.” You explain, speaking with your hands.

“Right, okay.” Rachel nods along.

“So, fast forward, and Jason shows up to help again. Only this time, instead of helping he gets possessed and starts trying to kill his best friend. He nearly beats his best friend to death because this random ass girl Dick plucked off the streets has a demon dad. THEN, because none of that was enough, none of that was good enough for Bruce and Bruce sent him here to be with, the older brother who didn’t want him in the first place and he gets to be with the person who his brother chose over him and got him possessed.” You finish your explanation.

“Uh…” Rachel pauses, blinking slowly trying to process everything. “I…I didn’t think about any of that. How did you even figure that out?” Rachel knows you and Jason are close but she didn't expect you to have this long explanation that seems to make sense.

“Yeah, I mean I get it. It happened to you, too. You were front and center. It’s not always easy seeing that kind of stuff when you’re in it. But, that’s just what I can gather from it. Jason seems to be someone who needs attention and just wants to know he’s doing a good job.” You sway your head back and forth slightly. "Gar's talked about it and Jason mentioned it which, when Jason mentions something like that, I think it bothers him at least a little bit."

“Okay, so what should I do? I really don’t want to hate him and fight with him all the time.”

“You could talk to him.” You state as if it's the most obvious answer in the world.

“Because that’ll go over so well.” Rachel mutters.

“No, you let him just talk his shit. Go on his little rant and swear fest that he does. He’ll call you a freak. He’ll just rant for like five minutes or whatever and then you apologize. Even if you don’t want to, you apologize to him and then he’ll feel obligated to apologize to you and then you can have a conversation about it. You just have to let him blow his steam.”

“You really get him, don’t you?”

“Trauma bonding will do that.” You chuckle. “As I said, sometimes being an outsider is easier. I didn’t know all that bullshit or what happened before. Plus, we do have Gotham in common.”

“So, I should just talk to him.”

“Yep. It really is that simple with him.” You let out a sigh as you nod. "He is not that complicated."

“Okay, I’ll give it a shot.” Rachel leans back in her chair. “Okay, I have something good to say.” Rachel states and you gesture a hand out, encouraging her to proceed. “He talks to you and he’s honest with you. And if he talks to you, I think that means he understands you like you do him. So, that's three for Jason.” Rachel gives you a proud smile.

You laugh “Yeah, he is and he does understand, actually.” You nod softly. “You may pitch your case for Gar now if you want.”

“For starters, he is cute!” Rachel squeals without missing a beat. “His green hair,”

“Looks so good on him!” You mimic the squeal.

“Yeah! And he is so protective and kind, to everyone even people who aren’t so great. He’s open and brave.” Rachel’s face softens. “He seems to make you feel comfortable.”

The corner of your mouth twitches into a soft smile. “Yeah, he smells like strawberries.” You laugh softly. “He does make me feel really comfortable, and safe. I feel like I don’t have to worry about anything. Um…one of my first nights, I had a nightmare and I thought Jerry was in the tower. He held my hand and searched the tower with me, knowing Jerry wasn’t around but he never made it weird or made me feel bad about it. He just…did it.”

There’s a warm smile that comes to Rachel’s face. “Hey, Y/n.”

“Hm?”

“I think you have an answer.” Rachel laughs softly. “If you really wanna go for Jason, that’s fine. I will never get it but if it makes you happy, I get it. But, you didn’t have that kind of thing to say about Jason and you got all soft about Gar.”

You pause because you do have similar stories to say about Jason. Jason still reads to you and he still lets you take out your aggression and feelings on him without ever questioning it. He was there through you beating up Jerry in the best way he could have been but you can’t tell Rachel that. You know Jason doesn’t want to be seen as soft for anyone, not with his friends anyway, and those things feel like little secrets between you. They’re like little passwords into your friendship that only you two have. It’s your things. Just yours and you’d really like to keep it that way. So, you have to shrug and nod along. You do really like Gar, you aren’t arguing that anyway. But, you do wish Rachel could see the Jason Todd you are so fond of. It’s not fair that Jason doesn’t even have a fair shot in a conversation like this. He deserves some type of fairness.

“I don’t know if I should do anything about it anyway.” You let out a sigh of defeat.

“What? Why though? You like them and it’s pretty obvious they like you, too.”

You shake your head. “I like how it is. If I decide to tell either of them I like them and something comes of that, it might ruin stuff with the other one and I don’t wanna ruin anything. I think the both of them have had too much ruined in their lives.”

Rachel shakes her head. “If you want to go for Gar, you should talk to Jason first. All jokes aside, I see how he looks at you and I see how he treats you when you guys think no one is looking. I don’t actually think you liking Gar will ruin it.”

Your brows furrow with Rachel's comment. The way Jason looks at you? You didn't think Jason really looked at you any kind of way. But, it's interesting because Jason is still relatively guarded. Easy to figure out when it comes to the trauma and figuring out why he is the way he is but everything else, he has this ten-story wall up. He'd probably combust if he knew Rachel saw him looking at you in any kind of way. But, it's something that warms your heart and makes you smile.

“You think so?” You ask, your face soft.

“Completely unbiased and actually thinking decently of Jason, yes.” Rachel gives you a reassuring nod. “Do you like Gar more though?”

Your cheeks start to burn. “I don’t know. I think so because it’s just…different with him. It doesn’t feel like a game with him.” You scoff. “I am endlessly afraid I’ll ruin him though.”

“What do you mean?” Rachel’s voice goes sad.

“He’s been through so much and so have I but he finds it in himself to be there for everyone, all the time. He seems to be accepting of everything that’s happened to him and I’m so afraid that I’ll never be that and I’ll just….ruin him with my pessimism and bitterness.” Your eyes go sad with the last statement.

Rachel wheels her chair over to you. “You can’t ruin him. He’s Gar.” Rachel gives you a soft smile. “He’s a lot stronger than you think. I think he’d do anything for you.” Rachel puts her hand over yours. “I saw the way he stepped between you and Jason today. He knows you can handle yourself but he did it anyway, I don’t even think he noticed that he did. You won’t ruin him.”

“Thanks, Rachel.”

“You guys would also just be super cute.” Rachel gosh.

“Oh my gosh.” You hang your head with a laugh.

You feel a little better getting to talk about it with Rachel. You would never bring it up on your own. Talking about your romantic feelings is not something you like to drown people with. And you feel bad for liking both boys. It’s not your fault, but there’s a guilt that echoes in your stomach when you think too long about it. Talking to Rachel though, helped.

You adore Jason. You adore who he is when no one else is around. But, maybe that’s the thing. Jason is different people around different people. You don’t know if he’d ever be able to be the person who he is in private with you publicly. You don’t want to play a guessing game with him. It’s too much for you, right now. But, with Gar, Gar is just who he is. Sure, he censors himself sometimes but everyone knows exactly how Gar feels about everything and knows what he likes and what he doesn’t. He’s transparent. He is comfortable in the best sense of the word. He makes you so happy and he never makes you mad. He makes your stomach twist with knots and bubbles. You swear you could never stay sad as long as you’re around Gar.

But, despite what Rachel said, it scares you that maybe your trauma could be the straw that breaks him. People can only take so much and he’s been through it all. What happens if dealing with all your shit, in a romantic way, breaks him? You would never forgive yourself for it.

A knock sounds on Rachel’s door, Rachel telling them to come in. And speaking of Gar, he walks in with two plates containing a slice of pizza on each plate. He’s all smiles as he walks in.

“I thought you guys might be hungry.” Gar offers the plates out to the two of you.

“Thanks, Gar.” You take one of the plates from him and this is a perfect example of why you like him. Always so caring and attentive to other people.

Rachel takes the other plate. “Thanks.” Rachel offers him a smile.

You take a bite and wince, Rachel eyeing you and then her own slice of pizza. You chew slowly, giving Rachel a thumbs up while Gar holds back a laugh. Rachel’s eyes narrow slightly as she takes a bite. Immediately, Rachel winces, pausing her chewing and you let out a laugh as you choke down your bite.

“It’s so bad.” You laugh.

“Who made this?” Rachel asks before spitting out the piece into the trash.

“Dick did.” Gar explains, laughing with you both. “The crust is made out of cauliflower.”

“Gross.” You grimace.

“Why would somebody do that?” Gar asks, the laughing subsiding as if he’s grieving for the pizza that could have been.

“If we hate eating, then we have more time to train.” Rachel says.

“Because he’s losing his mind.” You’re still grimacing about the pizza. The pizza never did anything to Dick and yet, he did this.

“Okay, so it’s not just me. He’s totally obsessed, right?”

“Like I said, Daniel Larusso.” You state.

"He just wants to make sure we're ready." Rachel sighs.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Gar chuckles softly. “What’re you guys doing anyway?”

“Talking shit.” You wink at him, Gar’s posture stiffening and you do love making him squirm.

“Just talking.” Rachel laughs softly.

Gar nods slowly. “Right, okay.” He clears his throat. “Movie night?” Gar asks.

You look to Rachel, a cheeky smile on display. “I’m always down for a movie night. Rachel?”

“Of course, we can make some popcorn since the pizza is a bust.” She laughs softly.

The three of you head to the living room, you and Rachel tossing your pizza slices into the trash in the kitchen before joining Gar in the living room. When you get to the couch, Jason and Dick are watching the TV, eyes glued to the screen. You sit next to Gar, following his stare on the screen while Rachel sits on the ottoman.

A police chase ensues on screen, Dick almost blocking the entire TV as he stands watching with his arms crossed like a dad in his fifties.

"We're live at a downtown car chase featuring a stolen vehicle. Police now seem to have the suspect cornered." One of the news reporters says as footage from the top of a parking garage shows a black car surrounded by cop cars.

As all of you watch from the tower, a girl with grey hair gets out of the car and without hesitation, starts beating up the cops. You watch in a state of awe and shock. Whoever that person is, they are very ballsy. Jason leans his elbows on his knees, getting this cheeky half-cocked smirk as he watches.

"Who the hell is that?" Rachel asks.

"Someone who has no self-preservation." You mutter.

"A total badass." Jason gawks at the screen.

Your heart sinks a bit with the comment. Other people can be a badass, that's not it. It's the way he's looking at the screen. His eyes are wide and he's in such a state of awe, it reminds you of the look he gave you after you beat up Jerry, after the initial shock of it. He's got a thing for violence, clearly and maybe it hurts a little but you will never admit that. Instead, you keep watching as the girl continues to beat up the cops, taking down every one of them who comes at her.

"The suspect does appear to be female. She's got silver hair. She does seem to be injured. We're not sure how badly." The news reporter says as the girl looks directly at the camera from the helicopter, her eye left covered with bloody gauze.

She is very pretty.

"Wait for it. We're not sure where she thinks she's going." The news reporter says as the girl runs to the car she 'stole' and leaps off the building.

Your jaw nearly drops as you watch. On second thought, Jason might have a point. That's pretty badass. Who just jumps off a parking garage? She's either crazy or knows something no one else does. It's impressive. Gar looks worried about the girl though and Rachel just looks shocked. Jason, on the other hand, is almost matching the expression on your face but with a bit more awe and infatuation.

"I'll be back." Dick says without looking back and just walks right to the elevator.

"Okay, what the fuck did we just witness?" You ask, looking around the room.

"Someone scared for their life, probably." Rachel says softly.

"A badass kicking cops' asses! It was awesome." Jason cheers.

"I'm with Rachel." Gar adds. "She didn't look badass, she looks scared." Gar glares at Jason.

"It was still awesome." Jason defends.

"Think Dick is going to find her?" You question, ignoring the back and forth between the other three.

Without a second thought, Gar closes his eyes and nods while Rachel and Jason say yes in unison.

"He has a thing for strays." Gar says quietly.

"Noticed." You laugh softly as you look down to your lap, a somber expression coming to your face.

"You guys still down for the movie?" Jason changes subject, sitting back in his seat. Rachel is the only one who catches the look Jason gives you. It's subtle, but his eyes linger on you just a second too long and his jaw clenches just slightly while his eyes soften just a little.

You shrug. "Might as well."

Gar and Rachel agree, Rachel moving to sit on the other side of you. It's Gar's turn to pick a movie. He chooses Back To The Future, a true classic. The three of you sit back and start to enjoy the movie together. You think about if Dick finds this girl. Will it change the dynamic? You’re actually really comfortable here and you enjoy where your friends are with everyone. If Dick brings someone else in, will that change? Of course, you knew you wouldn't be the last stray Dick brought home but it's weird with the potential to not be the new person.

Just as the movie ends, the elevator brings Dick up. The four of you all rush over to see if he found the girl who leaped from a parking garage. All four of you stand and watch the doors open, Dick carrying the girl who's unconscious. Gar, Jason, and Rachel jump into action to help but you step aside. It's not that he found her and you’re worried about the situation. It's that you wonder if this is what it was like when Dick brought you back. Everyone comes to see the new person, wonders if she's okay, who she is, and where she came from. What she is. It feels too real and it brings back every bad thought you had prior to being in the tower.

It feels too exposed and you remember how terrifying it was that first day. Surrounded by new people you didn't know if you could trust but having nowhere else to go. That, in and of itself, was also traumatizing even though it worked out for the best and you love it here. It was just scary so you stand back as Dick asks to Gar to come with him since Gar has some experience with injuries from staying at Caulder House.

"Hey, you okay?" Rachel asks seeing your distant expression.

"Huh?" You shake your head, almost not catching Rachel talking. "Sorry, yeah." You nod quickly.

"What? Scared you're gonna be replaced or something?" Jason jokes. His tone is his usual sarcastic, airy tone he uses when he's just trying to mess around. Not even a flirt, just joking but it strikes a nerve a little.

"Fuck you, Jason." You bark at him.

Rachel's even taken aback by the remark. This is what the two of you do and you’re the only one that fires back. Rachel expected you to say something about Jason being replaced but that's not it. And Jason is completely shocked, almost frozen in place. He was just joking and he knows you know that.

"Okay, fuck you." Jason snips. "It was a fucking joke."

"Well, maybe I'm not in a fucking joking mood, dude." You roll your eyes before storming off towards your room.

Jason stands for a second, looking at Rachel for help. "Did you guys have a fight or something?" Rachel asks, thinking you didn't because surely you would have mentioned that when you were weighing the pros and cons of the boys.

"Not that I know off." Jason scoffs. "Did you?" Jason's voice turns accusatory.

"What? No!" Rachel defends. "She was fine when we were hanging out."

Jason sucks in a breath. "Alright then." He shrugs, trying to play it off as if it's not bothering him but Rachel can see through it. Gar is helping Dick anyway.

"Just go talk to her." Rachel rolls her eyes, her words reluctant.

She's rooting for you and Gar. You're softer and cuter. Rachel, as your friend, is worried that if you decide you like Jason more and want to see where that goes, it won't end anywhere but in shambles. It's more than just Rachel and Jason not getting along. It's that Jason is a walking fuckboy. He's the dangerous rebel parents warn their teenagers not to date because they'll get in trouble and get their hearts broken. Maybe Rachel thinks too little of Jason but with Gar, she's sure Gar wouldn't hurt you, ever. But, you’re her friend and Jason at least understands you better than anyone. She isn't going to get in the way of that.

"You're her friend." Jason holds his head up, as if trying not to let on how he's definitely going to your room when Rachel leaves.

"So are you?" Rachel narrows her eyes at him. "I'm gonna go to my room and wait for Gar to be done, you talk to Y/n." Rachel nods once at him before turning and heading towards her own room.

Jason waits until Rachel's door closes and then he goes straight to your room. He thinks he's coy but he's almost as transparent as Gar is. Jason isn't subtle even when he's trying to be. Rachel isn't blind. She sees the way he watches you. Both of the boys do. Rachel has caught Dick nearly choking and grimacing at the three of you with your flirty jokes. But, to Jason, it's like he exists in a tinted bubble where no one can see any of it.

"Come in." You call out as you’re laid on your back on your bed, staring at the ceiling.

Jason opens the door, walking in and shutting the door behind him slowly. "How did you--"

"I heard Rachel shut her door, figured you were behind her." You don't look at him, just keep your stare on the ceiling.

"Alright, well what the fuck was that out there? I was just fucking with you like always." Jason huffs, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"It was just weird." You mutter.

Jason walks to the foot of your bed before plopping beside you, laying in the same position. His arm brushes yours as he turns his head to look at you and then back at the ceiling. The ceiling is white and boring, a stark contrast to the decorating you’ve done to your room. There are sketches across the walls you did with Dick's permission. Movie posts for some of your favorite movies are hanging sporadically on the walls. Your shelves have Funko Pops from some of your favorite shows. A few snacks sit on your nightstand. The room is yours, it's a home within a home but the ceiling is a sterile white, cold compared to the rest of your room.

"Like..." You pause. "Is that what it was like when he brought me back?" You ask, looking at Jason.

Jason looks back at you, your eyes about as welcoming as a hurricane. "Yeah." He answers honestly. "It was weird. You looked dead, though." Jason looks away from you, not able to hold eye contact.

It was weird when Dick brought you back, worse than weird. Dick went out to run an errand and then when he came back, he had a burn and you who literally looked dead. You were covered in bruises and cuts. You were limp and lifeless, without even knowing you, Jason is positive it broke everyone's hearts to see you. It didn't matter if you had powers or if you could fight, you needed help. It was one of the moments since Bruce sent him to train with Dick that he really viewed Dick in a different light, kind of like a hero without the mask (not that he will ever admit that). He just helped this random girl off the streets despite the fact you burned him. It was different. It was sad and scary.

"Gee, thanks, Jay." You roll your eyes, looking back to the ceiling.

Jason sighs, sitting up and turning to lean on his elbow, looking at you. "Look, I'm saying it was fucking freaky when he brought you here because you were really hurt." Jason explains and you catch a hint of sadness in his eyes. "And fucked up." Jason adds in. "He asked for Gar's help then, too. You know the rest, I guess. Gar wouldn't tell us what was going on with you."

"Why?" You ask.

Jason wrinkles his face. "Because you were fucked up."

"Fair." You nod before you let out a sigh. "I just hope she's okay, ya know?" You say. "It's like...seeing it just felt so fucking weird but I hope whatever happened wasn't too traumatizing. It made me....mad again. I haven't been mad like that since Jerry."

Jason nods with understanding. Seeing you like that, it was worrisome. You’ve got a fire and that’s why Jason finds you fun but, it’s how it went. It doesn’t matter that Jerry deserved it and you deserved to get revenge. You didn’t feel better afterwards because it didn’t erase what happened. And Jason doesn’t want you to ever feel that way again. He was the only one that was there for it.

"Wanna work it out?" He gains a smirk.

You decide to challenge him now. He came to check on you and just that bit of talking did make you feel a little better. It's not about being replaced. You know Dick won't replace any of you. It's just a bit triggering being on the other side of it this time. But talking with Jason helps.

"Work it out how?" You match his position, making your faces closer.

Jason's voice hitches in his throat. "However you want, babe."

The term babe is something he's grown accustomed to using when he's messing with you. To you, that's all it is. He's using it to get under your skin because it works. He gains this cheeky, taunting grin of accomplishment every single time he says it because you squirm in your seat. Your heart always skips a beat with the pet name. It's always this mix of wanting him to shut the fuck up and wanting to hear it in a way that's not him just messing with you, but like he means it. And you never know what to do about it.

"Shut up." You roll your eyes, pulling away. "You know what I mean, shithead."

"I call you babe, you call me shithead, huh?" Jason chortles, tilting his head to the right.

"If the shoe fits, BaBe." You mock, leaning in again, eyes wide and you see it for the first time.

Jason squirms and suddenly, you completely understands why he calls you it. It's the way his face brightened but his eyes shot open like a deer in headlights. It's the way he jerked his head back and you could visibly see him hold his breath for a second. It's a little funny and it's really cute.

"No, you can't use my thing against me!" Jason yells, a smile tugging at his lips with burning cheeks.

"Hmm, too late." You give him a confident smile before sitting all the way up.

He's fun. He's fun to mess with but you’re not sure if there's anything more than there. You aren't sure if you like him because he's hot and because he's fun or if there's something below the surface. He is this unknown iceberg that you’re trying to navigate around in the dark. There is always more than what's on the surface but you can't see how much. You can't tell if what you do goes more than a foot under the water or if it's nearly touching the ocean floor. The only way to know is to dive in, following the rugged surface as far as you can, risk drowning. Maybe some risks aren't worth taking.

"Get changed, meet you in the training room in twenty minutes." Jason sits up and gets up off the bed, a sadness filling his heart but in a way, accepting that it'll never be him.

He sees the way you look at Gar. He sees the way you and Gar are and how it's always more than a joke and maybe if Jason cooled it down and was just real with you in a normal situation, you could have that, too. If he could just, throw the sarcasm overboard in a normal situation, he could dive in with you. But, he's never been a very good diver.

"Yes, sir." You give him a fake pout and Jason narrows his eyes, the pounding in his chest, echoing through his ears. All he can do is roll his eyes at you before heading out to his own room to change.

You and Jason get changed and you head out of your room first. When you reach the kitchen, Rachel is grabbing a snack. You ask if Jason has been by yet but apparently he hasn't so you sit down to talk with Rachel while you wait. While you wait, Gar comes walking in from the other hallway, clearly done with whatever he was doing with Dick and then Jason walks in as if everyone were on cue. The four of you decide you'll all train together since you're actually due for a training session again anyway. But, before you can get going, you hear the sound of shoes. The four of you peek around the corner of the kitchen to see the new girl trying to sneak out of the tower. All four of you follow her to the elevator, staying back while Dick comes in from the other hallway.

"Going somewhere?" Rachel asks as the elevator denies the girl access to leave.

The girl turns around as Dick steps forward. "We need to talk." Dick says, the girl glaring at him with the one eye that’s not covered.

Dick sends the four of you off to the training room while Dick talks with the new girl. The four of you spar for a little while, making little to no conversation between you. The four of you are mostly just wasting time until you can find out what Dick and the new girl talked about and what's going on. You all have mixed emotions about it but all four of you are curious and intrigued. So, you train for an hour until you and Rachel ask Gar to grab a snack and a drink from the snack counter around the corner.

You sit on the floor, your hands resting behind you while your legs are stretched out and Rachel sits on a bench. Jason continues to practice with a wooden stick, more or less haphazardly while you wait for Gar to come back. Gar is only gone a few minutes before he strolls in with a box of Cheez-Its and three Gatorades.

"So, what do you think is going on out there?" Gar asks, handing Rachel the box of Cheez-Its and you a Gatorade.

"If it's anything like when I got her, bombarding her with too many questions." You say, opening the Gatorade.

"He's probably just trying to find out who she is." Rachel states.

"So, bombarding her with too many questions." You repeat as Gar sits on a bench.

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" He asks.

"He sent you to talk to me because I refused to talk to him so kind of." You chuckle.

"He's giving her a cell job. That's what he does cause he can't resist a stray." Jason says sounding annoyed.

"As if it's a bad thing." You quip, gesturing your left hand around the room. "We were literally all strays."

"Don't take his side." Jason mutters, a whine in his voice.

"I mean I knew he'd be bringing in new people. I just didn't...I guess I just didn't think it'd be so soon." Gar explains with the shrug of his shoulders, leaning his elbows on his knees.

You tilt your head slightly to the right trying to figure out if this is what happened when Dick brought you back. They had only been together a month before you showed up so the fact Gar thinks it's still soon, hurts a little. It all worked out okay with you being here, so what's the difference between you and this new girl?

"We didn't even know if we can trust her. Hell, we don't even know what the fuck she is." Jason raises his voice, growing more dramatic.

"What she is, is a person who needs help." Rachel's voice is stern as she looks at Jason.

"Or," Gar starts, holding up his fingers, Gatorade in hand. "Is she a person?" Rachel tilts her head, giving Gar a displeased look.

"You guys sure do know how to make people feel welcomed." You roll your eyes. "Is this how you guys acted when Dick brought me here?"

Gar gives a yikes expression. "Well....yeah." He nods sheepishly. "We didn't know you."

"You burned Dick." Rachel adds.

"You also looked like shit." Jason points out, a grin on his lips.

"So? It all worked out with me. She's just a person." You defend the new girl.

"How did she survive the jump?" Gar leans in, voice raising slightly.

"So, you think she's a metahuman?" Rachel asks.

"Yeah, or, or an alien." Gar throws his arms to the side, defending his point. "Like Kory."

"I need to meet Kory, she sounds fun." You state, Gar gives you a questioning look, shaking his head before his eyes widen, as if asking you to agree with him. You let out a sigh. "That's kind of fair though."

"Really?" Rachel snaps her head in your direction.

"You said it yourself, I did burn Dick. If she's also a metahuman or....an alien..?" You give Gar a questionable look before looking back at Rachel. "We don't know."

"Well, if she was like Kory, those cops wouldn't be alive right now." Rachel argues, looking back to Gar before grabbing a few Cheez-Its and offering the box to you.

"She can fight." Jason chimes in, taking a short break from fighting the air. "Alright, I'll give her that. Whoever she is, she's had training."

"Did you guys see her eye? When Dick was changing the bandages?" Gar asks, clearly going somewhere with this.

"What about it?" Rachel asks.

"It was gone." Gar scoffs, almost amazement in his voice. "But the wound had already healed." He leans forward as if not completely believing what he'd seen.

"Well, that's pretty sick." You give an approving smile.

"You serious?" Jason asks.

"She's been here one hour and the three of you are already obsessed with her."

"You don't think it's sick as fuck that she jumped from a roof, into a building and her eye is already healed? That's awesome." You defend your stance.

"She's a freak." Jason huffs, his voice a higher pitch this time. "Look my vote is we kick her ass out." You scrunch your face at Jason just as Gar starts.

"Okay, wait, who says we even get a vote?" Gar asks.

"Who says she even wants to stay?" Rachel argues. "Look, it's hard to believe but maybe her idea of paradise isn't sharing a bathroom with you, Jason."

"Well, I think she should stay, just for the record." You state. "Assuming, she isn't going to kill us all."

"You do?" Jason scoffs.

"Uh, yeah, as the newest person Dick found on the streets, my vote is yes." You hold your head up high.

"It'd be easier if we knew who she was." Gar states.

"I know how we can find out exactly who she is." Jason gets that knowing smile on his face, the one that always says he's up to no good.

"Do I get to participate this time?" You quip knowing exactly what Jason is up to.

"I thought you said it was wrong." Gar points out.

"Well, yeah," You scoff. "But, I wanna know if she's gonna kill us, especially if Dick gives us a vote. We should know who's sleeping under the same roof as us, right?"

"See, she gets it." Jason says with pride.

You roll your eyes at Jason before looking back to Gar. "You didn't get caught the first time."

"Alright, fine." Gar agrees, still not liking the idea of going behind Dick's back again to look into someone but he's not gonna say to Jason and you.

"You knew and you're okay with it?" Rachel questions. Rachel knows she would at least be pretty mad if the boys went and looked into her instead of just talking to her. She's surprised you aren't mad.

You shrug. "I mean, it would have been nice had they just asked but let's be honest, I wasn't gonna tell them shit anyway. So, I get it. They had to make sure I wasn't a serial killer or some psycho."

"We could talk to her. Maybe she's more open than you." Rachel suggests as you hand the box of Cheez-Its back to her.

"I don't know, Rach." Gar sucks in a breath. "She didn't seem too willing to talk since she was...trying to leave."

"I'm not helping," Rachel shakes her head with disapproval.

"No asked you to." Jason chortles.

"Shut up, Jason." Rachel groans.

"Can we just get back to training?" Gar groans, growing tired of the conversation.

You get up with the suggestion. "Please."

The four of you start your training again until Dick walks in to tell you you call it a night. The four of you go your separate ways to your rooms and the bathroom for your nightly showers. All of you choose to leave the girl alone in her room. Dick said she isn't up for much talking but he's got it all handled, whatever that's supposed to mean. So, the four of you wrap up your night and head to bed.

It takes you a little while to fall asleep. Ever since beating up Jerry, you’ve slept a little better. Nightmares still rear their ugly head about once a week but it's better. It went from every night to once a week, which is an improvement. Beating up Jerry didn't help you feel better about what you went through but knowing that he got to suffer, knowing that Dick turned him in and you saved a little boy from the same treatment, it did ease some of the weight from your bones. It's just a matter of dealing with and working through the trauma he left you with and actually being at the tower surrounded by these four strangers, which helps because to some extent, they all get it.

No one wakes up one day and decides to be a hero. There's something deeper about it and for the five of you, it's trauma. The want and need to not let another innocent person live with what you went through and there's something remarkable in that. But, that doesn't erase any of the trauma you've all gone through. And for you, seeing the new girl brought in in the same way you were, it brings everything you tied down back up to the surface. Another nightmare scares you awake.

You sit up straight in bed, eyes wide but weighed down with sleep. Your heart is thundering in your chest, the room dark beside the city light illuminating your room through the window. Your hands are shaking in your lap, glowing green, something you’ve never even told Gar about.

When the nightmares are really bad, it's as if it triggers the acid and your hands start glowing. Luckily, it's never been bad enough that you actually produce the acid and burn through the bed. But, it is something that scares you even more. If nightmares can trigger the glow, what else can? And does that mean you’re losing control of it? If you don't have control, then what? You don't actually want to hurt someone, especially by accident. But, you choose not to wallow in it because it's not going to do you any good and it's only going to make you feel worse. So, you snatch your phone from the charger and head to your door.

You tip-toe through your door, closing it behind you and make the short walk to Gar's room. The door is unlocked just like it always is and the pinball machines give a blue glow to his room with the city lights shining through his windows. A comforting smile tugs at your lips as you shut the door. The green-haired boy is curled up on the left side of his bed, facing the door and Gar always look so comfortable sleeping, lips parted lightly. He's a lazy sleeper and you think it's the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

"Gar?" You whisper softly, sitting on the edge of his bed. Gar doesn't even budge. "Gar?" You call, shaking him slightly, stirring him awake.

He peeks an eye at you, his hair a complete mess. He gets this lazy-tired smile on his face as he sees you. "Nightmare?" His voice is rough and drenched in sleep, something you swear you could play on repeat for hours on end and never get bored. You nod softly, the smile falling slightly. Gar lifts the blanket for you. "C'mon." He mumbles, inviting you in.

"Thank you." You whisper to him, getting up and sliding under the blankets with him.

Gar turns over on his back, stretching his arm behind your head so you can lay on his chest. "Anytime." Gar looks down at you, this cute smile on his face that has the power just to make the world seem like a better place. Gar smiles at you and everything seems like it's gonna be okay, like nothing in the entire world will ever be scary again. There's a kind of magic about him and you adore every aspect of the boy with soft eyes and green hair.

You cuddle up against his chest, resting your arm over his torso and lightly gripping his t-shirt. You can hear Gar's heart and it's the most comforting sound you’ve ever heard. It's slow and steady. You remember the first night you went to him after a nightmare and it was awkward.

You didn't know what to do or say. All you knew was that he'd make you feel better and you didn't want to be alone. He did make you feel better but you were both...tripping over your own feet trying to figure out how to sleep or how not to. Gar didn't want to make it weird or be too in your face about it and you weren’t sure if you wanted to be too close him. It was a mess, actually but you settled on his chest anyway because that's what felt comfortable. That poor boy's heart nearly beat out of his chest for almost half an hour. He was so nervous.

He'd never slept with anyone like that before and he just adores you with everything in him. He never wants to mess anything up and he didn't know what to do. Gar followed your lead and it made him more nervous than he's ever been. But, there was a sense of comfort in it because you chose him to be with when you’re scared. Something about him, made you comfortable enough to fall asleep and sleep soundly. Something about him, felt right to you. And that makes Gar's chest swell every time you come to him for this. He wishes you'd do it more than just when you have nightmares but he never has the guts to ask. So, he wraps his arm around you while the steady pace of his heart lulls you to sleep.

You wake up first, before either of your alarms. You've moved throughout the night, you’ve rolled over, facing the door while Gar's arm is lazily draped over your waist. You can hear him softly snoring behind you and you carefully roll over as to not disturb him. The peacefulness of his face makes you smile as you watch him. And for a second, you almost forget there are other people in the tower. You forget about your nightmare just a few hours before and everything, right now, feels so right.

You feel safe and happy and comfortable. And calm. Your brain is quiet with him. It's not bitter or cold or full of range. It is at peace with every horrible thing you’ve seen and been through. Just...peace. And maybe that's what it's all about.

Maybe, it's not about flirting all the time or who makes you question the intentions of everything for fun. Maybe it's not about shared trauma or experiences. Maybe, it's just about who's there for you when everything feels like it's caving in. Maybe it's about who sticks around when the darkness closes the blinds. Maybe it's just about the person who lifts some of the weight from your shoulders when everything gets a little too heavy and maybe it's about the person that makes you comfortable and finally lets you feel peace. Maybe that's what it's all about.

But, that’s all just maybes.

"Do you always stare at me when I sleep?" Gar mumbles, voice drenched in sleep as he opens his eyes, blinking slowly at you.

"No." You scoff, feeling your cheeks start to burn. "You were snoring." You brush it off.

"Sorry." Gar chuckles softly.

"It's okay, I don't mind." You give him a smile. "You're cute when you're sleeping through, you look peaceful."

Gar's eyes widen and you called him cute. What does he do? "Oh...yeah?" Gar asks, feeling his breath hitch in his throat. "Thank you. Uh, so do you." Gar offers, as if waiting for you to laugh or make a sarcastic comment but you don't. Your smile is sweet like honey.

"Thanks." You look away just as yours and Gar's alarms start blaring at full volume. "Ew." You grimace, rolling over and grabbing your phone from his nightstand, Gar doing the same. "Want pancakes?" You ask, looking back at him.

Gar raises a brow, you’ve never offered him food that wasn't a snack before. "Sure? You can make them?"

"Wow, rude." You let out a laugh, your voice still filled of sleep. "Yes, the fuck I can, Garfield."

Gar laughs, the use of his full name makes flowers bloom his chest. He doesn't normally like when people call him it but you? You call can him Garfield when it’s like that. "I was just checking! Vegan pancakes?" Gar raises a brow.

"Hey, there, what kind of monster do you take me for to offer you pancakes and not offer a vegan option?" You quip. "Of course."

"Sweet." Gar beams at you and you offering to make him pancakes makes him feel really important. "Do you need help?"

You shake your head. "Nah, consider it a long overdue thank you for letting me sleep in here and for dealing with my bullshit."

"I don't mind." Gar says with ease as a gentle laugh leaves his lips. He never minds being there for anyone, but especially you.

"I know but I'm gonna thank you anyway and make you pancakes because you deserve it." You give him a cheeky smile before tossing the blanket off of you and getting up from the bed. "You can watch though." You give him a wink, the heat rushing to Gar's cheeks and you watch his eyes go wide, mouth moving not knowing to say. You scrunch your nose as you laugh. "You're also cute when you get flustered."

Gar lets out a sigh and he thinks you might be the death of him one day. "I'm not flustered." Gar defends, sitting up before rubbing his hands over his face.

"Mhm, sure, you're not." You nod, words leaking of sarcasm.

"I'm not!" Gar defends further with a tired laugh.

"Okay." You shrug, turning on your heels. "Sure." You snicker. "I'll meet you out there."

"Yeah, okay." Gar nods, falling back onto his pillows as you leave, leaving his door slightly ajar.

You make your way to the kitchen, Dick is, of course, already in there with his coffee. It's been a month and somehow you still almost always catches him while he's in here. Surely, this man has other things to do in the morning but no, he is always here. But, you just 'morning' him and walk over to the drawer with the pans, pulling out a griddle. Dick watches you with a raised brow, casually sipping his coffee. You grab the ingredients including regular milk and soy milk for Gar, one of the non-dairy options Dick keeps stocked for him. You continue to rummage through the kitchen, casually glancing at your phone for all of the ingredients.

"What are you doing?" Dick finally asks.

"Making pancakes." You say with confidence, measuring the flour into a large mixing bowl.

"Right." Dick clicks his tongue. "Since when do you cook?"

"Why is everyone so shocked?" You scoff, measuring the milk for Gar's before grabbing a sticky note and a pen from the counter, marking the batter with ‘Gar’.

"You haven't cooked anything that doesn't go in the microwave or isn't frozen since you've been here."

"Well, that's because it's convenient." You quip as Rachel strolls in, sleep still in her eyes. "I like convenience."

"Is she cooking?" Rachel asks through a yawn.

You look at her with wide eyes, pausing what you’re doing. "Okay, seriously?"

"What the fuck is going on?" Jason chortles as he walks in. "Since when do you know how to cook?"

"That's what I said." Dick raises his mug at Jason.

"You know what, none for any of you!" You glare at them, pointing at them with a whisk, some bits of batter dripping off the end. "I'll clean that."

Rachel gains this knowing smile as she sits next to Dick. "Wait, are you making Gar breakfast?" She asks and your cheeks burn. Jason's heart plummets into his stomach. He always knew but it stings.

"What makes you say that?" You ask, trying your best to not be obvious.

"You have the soy and dairy milk out?" Rachel points at the different kinds of milk. "I also heard you leave his room."

"Okay." Dick says loudly, getting up from his seat. "I don't need to hear more of that. Good luck making breakfast. It's very nice of you, Y/n."

"Thank you, Dickolas." You give him a thankful nod.

"Left Gar's room, huh?" Jason asks and Rachel regrets saying anything.

"Yeah...." You say quietly, going back to your batter.

Jason knew, of course he did. You mentioned it to him in passing. You sleep in there when you have a nightmare. And neither of you hides it. It's not some big secret or anything but with Rachel actually mentioning it, someone else mentioning it, it's like Jason is suddenly much more aware of it and it hurts a little. But, he reminds himself that he never had a shot anyway.

He plays this fuckboy thing up so much but he's never been much good to anyone anyway. And he knew it wasn't him because of the movies and the way you talk to him. Jason hoped it'd be him, but the pit in his stomach told him it wasn't so the only thing he can do is brush it off because that's what he does. And you see it across his face, guilt flooding your stomach, almost making you nauseous but you ignore it and continue making breakfast because you like Jason and you like Gar. But dealing with that early in the morning doesn’t sound pleasant, so dodges your sinking heart.

"Want any?" You ask the two of them.

"Please." Rachel gives you a soft smile.

"Yeah." Jason nods, pulling out his phone and scrolling away.

You continue making breakfast as Gar strolls in, a bit surprised to actually see you at the stove. You really don't cook and it makes Gar chuckle to himself. Dick actually does a lot of the cooking but it really is rarely ever good so you normally end up with a frozen pizza or takeout. So, this is nice and something that Gar never really expected from you. You’re so snippy and sarcastic that whenever you decide to be soft, it throws him a bit but in the best way. You’re full of surprises and Gar wants to know all of them.

As the four of you sit down with your breakfast, Dick walks out with the new girl, explaining they were leaving for a bit. The girl made a comment about not wanting to stay which prompted Rachel to ask why. The girl didn't have much of an explanation, looking more like she just wanted to leave and not turn back. Dick didn't really say much else though and just like that, they were gone.

"You still wanna know who she is?" Jason asks, stuffing pancakes into his mouth.

"Obviously." You nod.

"Yeah." Gar sighs, eating his own pancakes. "Hey, these are really good." Gar compliments you.

"Everyone is so shocked." You laugh.

"How'd you learn to make them?" He asks.

"Oh, I can follow a recipe." You chortle. "I can make a sandwich from scratch, everything else I just Google."

"That makes sense." Rachel nods.

"Nothing?" You look to Jason, waiting for a quip. You fully expect him to boast about how he could do this in his sleep if he tried. Or how he’s had better pancakes from Denny’s or IHOP, something sarcastic at least.

"Eh," Jason shrugs. "I can do better." Jason gives you a smirk, choosing to shrug it off. 

"Mhm. Sure ya can." You nod.

The four of you finish up your breakfast and make your way to the new girl's room where Dick changed her bandage. Gar saw Dick toss her bandage in the trash and just like they did with you, Gar snatched it and brought it to the comms lab. Jason takes it from Gar and uses some of the technology to grab a blood sample to run through the computer. Gar takes a seat in the chair, you standing behind him and resting your arms on the back of the chair. Jason stands off to the side, eyes glued to the screen as Gar types away. Jason starts pacing a bit behind you as the screen starts loading, trying to find information on the girl.

"You're gonna burn a hole into the floor, Jay." You state, glancing back at him.

"Yeah? What if this is her plan, get Dick alone and attack him or some shit."

Gar and you both look over your shoulders at him. "I don't think she's gonna attack him, man." Gar lets out a sigh.

"Yeah, I think we're safe there." You nods your head while the two of you look back at the screen, the computer making a noise as it loads.

"Come on." Jason paces twice more before standing next to Gar. "Come on."

"Match identified." The computer says once everything has loaded.

"Rose Wilson." Gar says, leaning forward and clicking a button. "And that's her dad, Slade Wilson."

"Well, fuck." You let out a scoff.

"No...fucking...way." Jason says, eyes wide as he puts his hands on the computer panel, leaning forward as if not believing what he's seeing.

Gar looks between the two of you, confused. "What?"

"Deathstroke." Jason says, something cross between amazement and shock coming over his voice.

"Bad dude from, what? Five years ago?" You look to Jason.

"Think so, yeah. He killed one of the Titans." Jason explains, keeping his eyes on the screen.

"Wait, how do you know that?" Gar looks behind him at you.

"I had a lot of free time, Titans, Justice League, Robin, ya know? Found it all interesting. Deathstroke killing one of the Titans was pretty public. Aqualad, right?" You glance at Jason again for confirmation.

"Yeah." Jason nods.

"So, this girl, Rose is Deathstroke's daughter?" Gar asks, turning back to the screen.

"Seems that way." You let out a sigh.

"Think he did that to her?" Gar's voice is pained with the question.

"Wouldn't put it past him." Jason adds. "Dude is fucked up."

"We have to tell Dick, then. He has to know." Gar urges. "Maybe we could look further into him.

"Yeah, do that." You agree with him and the three of you watch, reading what shows up on the screen while you wait to inform Dick.

If Deathstroke is involved, surely that's something Dick would have clued you all in on if he knew. So, now it's up to the three of you to bring it to Dick's attention before Rose gets too close, just in case.

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Tag list: @fairyofshampoo​ // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders​ // @purplerose291​ // @lovelessamai​  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @thatfangirl42​ // @ghostkingblake​ // @im-done-with-this-im-out​ // @velvetskies​ // @lilylovelyxo​ // @cryinghotmess​

#gar logan #jason todd #gar logan x reader #garfield logan x reader #jason todd x reader #gar logan fanfic #gar logan fanfiction #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #titans #titans fanfic #titans fanfiction #caving in

[blueberryshelves]

_______________________________________________

Book Review

Title: The Ivies Author: Alexa Donne

Series: stand-alone

No. of Pages: 336

ISBN:  9780593303733 (paperback) 9780593303702 (hardcover) 9780593303726 (ebook)

Synopsis:

Enroll in this boarding school thriller about a group of prep school elites who would kill to get into the college of their dreams...literally."

The Plastics meet the Heathers in this murder mystery about ruthless Ivy League ambition." -Kirkus Reviews Everyone knows the Ivies: the most coveted universities in the United States. Far more important are the Ivies. The Ivies at Claflin Academy, that is. Five girls with the same mission: to get into the Ivy League by any means necessary. I would know. I'm one of them. We disrupt class ranks, club leaderships, and academic competitions...among other things. We improve our own odds by decreasing the fortunes of others. Because hyper-elite competitive college admissions is serious business. And in some cases, it's deadly. Alexa Donne delivers a nail-biting and timely thriller about teens who will stop at nothing to get into the college of their dreams. Too bad no one told them murder isn't an extracurricular.

_______________________________________________

What did I think of the book?

The Ivies by Alexa Donne My rating: ⭐ 1 of 5 stars (1.5 really) *Disclaimer: Spoilers.* So far, my experience with author youtubers who give advice on writing hasn't been great. The advice is usually solid, and in Alexa Donne's case, I found many of her videos really helpful for figuring out what was wrong with my own writing practices. However, I'm starting to realize why best selling authors with strong prose, plot, and characters, tend to NOT be youtubers. Author youtubers seem to excel at teaching, and giving information, but their actual writing doesn't tend to reflect their apparent knowledge (speaking from my own experiences). So, here lands The Ivies. This is the first of Alex Donne's work that I've read, and I'm totally confused. Despite the fact that the book had me finishing it in two days, rapidly going through page after page on the edge of my seat with it's insane rabbit hole; it left me feeling that the story just wasn't finished. I don't mean "finished" as in, there needs to be a second book; I mean, in the end, no one really solved anything, and there was no closure on the murder. No one changed or grew or improved, if anything, the characters just became even more unhinged as the book went on until it lead to a deflating reveal of the actual killer with a horrifically ridiculous motive. The story was drowned in red herrings and misleads to the point of suffocating the fun out of the book. They were so frequent, and so many that it became downright frustrating and exhausting to read. There were more loose ends that were never tied up than a torn knitted jumper. The "false" reveal was a lot more tense and interesting to read, and the book honestly could have cut out the entirety of act 3 for me, and skipped to the end. The pacing was good in the first half of the book, but suffered in the second half, and dragged on. By the end, I began to suspect Olivia, the MC. Maybe this wasn't the intention, but her choices at the end of the book made me seriously consider if I just got mind-fucked by what she was narrating to herself for the entire story, and she really was the killer all along. Might explain why she never got anywhere in her "investigation" or withholding information from authority for her so-called friends, and we're just being lied to as the readers (she did, after all, have access to everything apparently). While the writing style was easy to get into, it had one issue: Too. Much. Telling. (and swearing…). At the end of almost every chapter, whatever big revelation occurred in the chapter is just told to you in black and white, rather than letting you ride the wave of the realization in your own head. Much of the natural tension of having the realizations on my own as the reader were completely lost, and ruined every tension bubble attempted to be created. It worked great for the end of the first chapter, but it just didn't for the rest. The same can be said for all the schemes the Ivies apparently did. We're just told they happened, but we never get to see these girls actually in action from their PoV. Favorite character/s: Well, not many of the characters are "likeable". It's almost laughable how unlikeable the characters are to the point of 'okay, I kind of hate you all, but I want to know how far the rabbit hole goes, so…'. What drew me to the book? I wanted a thriller to study that wouldn't give me nightmares, and finally check out Alexa Donne's work. Stars: 1.5/5, pretty interesting concept, but too many problems with the execution of it. View all my reviews

#book review #the ivies #alexa donne #murder mystery #college admissions #lies and backstabbing #thriller #fiction #booklr #bookblr #book blog #books #bookish #bookworm #books and reading #book photography

[yyyyanyan]

Book Club: The Heroes of Olympus series by Rick Riordan

part 2 of my Camp Halfblood Chronicles binge!

It had suchhh a strong start with The Lost Hero. I love all three of them to bits (especially Jason but also ALL of them are my babies I'm holding them in my palms). The Roman/Greek split blew my mind when I first read this book years ago and honestly I'm still kind of processing it LOL. I'm obsessed with how Piper works on her charmspeak and getting comfortable in her own skin and Leo and his relationship with his fire powers??? god amazing!! And Jason I always felt like was such a strong stern type and I'm just attached to him. I think specifically he came off super perfect at first (especially with how Piper had her crush on him) and it was so pleasant to see him failing.

I like The Son of Neptune slightly less but not for any specific reason I can pinpoint--I think I just really vibed with the Jason-Piper-Leo trio. I did think it was absolutely sick that we got to see Percy is utterly insanely powerful and Hazel's backstory had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I also have a soft spot for Frank since he's Chinese-Canadian (one nitpick: what is his Chinese name Fai supposed to be?).

Unfortunately, I really lost my drive by the third and fourth books ToT I think there was just too many POVs and every time I was getting in the swing of things it was time for a new character in a new situation. And I'm sorry but Tartarus was such a drag for me!! I feel like I didn't get enough of a sense of just how miserable and horrible it was and honestly I just felt sad for Bob/Iaepetus all the time. The one positive of the variety of perspectives was, again, seeing Percy being a madlad from outsider POV <3

Anyways once once I finished Book 4 and went to the last book (Blood of Olympus) it went way faster--I was so excited about reading from Reyna's and Nico's perspectives! Reyna and Nico are sooo good together they're my #1 brotp (maybe). Honestly though once I got to this point I was kind of like, "seven halfbloods" answering the call feels so arbitrary to me? Both Reyna and Nico play such critical roles--especially Nico--that I feel kind of robbed that they're not officially listed as people in the prophecy. This is also the place where I say: ngl I think Annabeth being one of the seven was totally lame LOL (I like Annabeth though!) I feel like she had more of a supporting role and her Athena prophecy could have been a quest that was helping this big one (also 'cause it wasn't listed in this one). However this is definitely also my Nico bias talking because Nico is definitely one of my top blorbos in PJO

Anyways it's been like maybe two or three weeks since I finished the whole series and I have to say the ending was really underwhelming to me. I'm literally not even sure I could tell you what happened in Blood of Olympus in detail. I was so sure it was going to be even more epic and even grander and it kind of totally missed the mark? I remember being so moved and feeling the battles in The Last Olympian so vividly and this one felt so weak. I also thought that Gaea would be like... more prominent I guess? I literally think Tartarus ended up being more scary and he featured so much less. The final defeat was so underwhelming lmao :'D

Kind of related to the above is: I also felt more and more as the series went on that Leo really was a seventh wheel, in the sense that he just didn't seem as close to everyone else. I wish his relationship with Frank had been less prickly especially after the main point of their antagonism was resolved (like why did Leo ALWAYS have to make Frank the butt of the joke?), and I also wish the weird almost-Hazel/Leo thing just didn't happen? I feel like at that point she already liked Frank and neither she nor he really got invested in the sort-of-romance and I feel like if they had just settled into just being friends after the whole revelation thing then it would have made sense. It was exciting that Leo was the key to winning the battle, but I felt like it lacked emotional impact because he felt so separate from them all. Calypso and Leo ARE the cutest though and I was/am rooting so hard for them

The last thing is, I feel like there were a lot of like... plot points that didn't go anywhere? I can't tell if they were put in so they would get resolved in the third series but I'm kind of disappointed that they weren't dealt with in this series. So the ones that I picked up/am really interested in are:

Percy getting more violent/merciless and being scared of it

Jason's sort of... struggle between Roman and Greek? Specifically I feel like in the first book he was so Roman and then suddenly it became that he had a conflict(??) and felt more Greek. I guess with this one it's less that it was unresolved but more it came out of nowhere for me and I kind of wish it had been laid out more from the beginning. I will continue my salt in my ramblings of the sequel series btw

Hazel coming back from the dead?? Did Nico just see her and go "I'm taking her" and that was it lol or was there something else...?

#yy book club #yy ramblings #pjo #<- this is just my tag for anything camp halfblood chronicles related tho #lost hero reading time: 4 hours 24 mins #son of neptune reading time: 2 hours 48 mins #mark of athena reading time: 2 hours 52 mins #house of hades reading time: 3 hours 22 mins #blood of olympus reading time: 3 hours 1 min #are these books similar in length to the original pjo?? bc i totally thought they were longer #i have the hardcover version of this series and i have a couple of the original pjo in paperback #this series looks super thick compared to pjo so i thought it was longer but my reading time is similar

[the-boy-meets-evil]

tell me how it got this way | ch.5

pairing: jungkook x f.reader, hoseok x f.reader genre: fwb to lovers/friends to lovers, love triangle | angst, smut, fluff | non-idol!au chapter rating: mature, minors dni warnings: drinking, mentions of sex (nothing explicit), jimin is a little shit (affectionate), swearing, i think that's it word count: ~6k a/n: other idols pop up in this chapter (ateez & seventeen), they're really just used as names. ages aren't relevant and you can assume they're all generally around the same age. the final part (at least for what i have planned) is also finished and i'm going to post that next week! prev | masterlist | next

When Namjoon had initially pitched the idea of selling the movie rights for your books, your answer was immediate. No. Movies rarely, actually, came out as good as the books and you felt like you lost so much of the finer detail. If you had wanted to see your work on the big screen, you would be writing screenplays instead of full-length novels. Which, okay, that sounded pretentious even in your head, but whatever. Namjoon got the picture and the conversation was tabled temporarily.

About two months after that, Namjoon had found what he called a compromise. You weren’t sure how it was a compromise since it was your work and you didn’t want to sell the rights. Until Namjoon reminded you that the publishing company also had a stake. Point: Namjoon. It was a good point, though, because a streaming service wanted to pick up the rights to just the first book as a test and do a limited-run series as opposed to a movie. Namjoon was very clear on the differences here. The budget, in some ways, would definitely be smaller, you aren’t looking at big superstar names, and, most importantly, you have to either sign on as a co-writer for the screenplays or fully sign the rights over. They were fine with either option, they just knew that there wasn’t enough in your book for the standard 8-10 episodes.

And that answer was just as immediate. Yes. These were the kinds of chances that authors hoped for. Yes, it will still be different from the book. This just gives you much more leeway to include the important details and even flush characters out more in a way that’s just too much for a book. You’re not Stephen King over here releasing his “unedited” version of The Stand, which, if you’re being honest, was kind of (read: insanely) self-indulgent. Not that you’re comparing yourself to Stephen King, either. To each their own and all that.

So, with Namjoon’s guidance, you signed a deal where you’d co-write the episodes with a team who actually have a lot of experience doing just that. Really, you know you’re just there to keep everything true to the world that’s lived in your head for years. That’s why they want you. Some people will stumble onto this show never having heard of the books (and Namjoon hopes it’ll make them buy a copy), but others will tune in expecting it to come off the same way they’ve been imagining, for characters to make decisions that feel authentic. 

You actually kind of loved the writing sessions. It was really amazing to see how things came together and to be in a room where you didn’t need to shout to be heard. Everyone there was genuinely interested in your feedback, and you tried to be conscious of when to just let the process unfold. It was collaborative in the best way. The only hard thing was keeping it all under wraps from almost everyone. The whole team had decided that they wouldn’t announce the news until the rough copies of the scripts were finished enough to move on to casting.

Now, that you’re having to sit through casting auditions, you’re rethinking your entire life that has led to this moment. No, that is not dramatic. You gave the casting team literal pages on pages for every character that needed to have any sort of significant role in the show and had even worked with someone for fucking *mood boards* for the main characters. There were days when you barely slept because you had to churn things out for casting. All so you could turn the rough scripts into final copies. What else did they want from you? 

To sit through casting calls, apparently. So fine. You can eat craft services with the best of them.

After a few days, you do start to see the point in it all, see the times when the casting team liked two people for a particular part and looked to you as the deciding factor. While it felt like a lot of pressure, it also allowed you to make sure everything felt right. It was never just about physical appearance, that was always fluid. You also didn’t want Kristen Stewart in the Twilight movies with one damn expression the entire time. (No shade to Kristen Stewart, it just wasn’t anyone’s best look in those movies).

The one positive is that you’ve managed to meet a few people you actually kind of like. And, okay, yeah, they’re mostly assistants to some of the more important people in the process, but those people are stuffy and very unlikely to gossip with you around the water cooler. Since you’ve never had a normal office job, this is a very important part of actually getting to work with people. Namjoon scoffs a lot at this, says that it’s probably good that you haven’t had a normal office job. He spends a lot of time letting you know actual office jobs aren’t anything like sitcoms, which is funny considering the office where he works. Maybe he doesn’t gossip around the water cooler, but you’ve definitely seen the assistants gathering. Even heard his name come up a time or two. Heard how attractive they all seem to think he is. They’re not wrong.

Your new friends are also the type of people who insist that you absolutely have to join them when they decide happy hour is the perfect way to end the day. As San points out, you have the morning off tomorrow anyway. When you ask why it would matter if it was just happy hour, Wooyoung promptly elbows San hard in the ribs and says it doesn’t. You don’t miss the conspiratorial look on their faces, but fuck it. Happy hour sounds good.

Your head is pounding and it feels like you got hit by a freight train. You don’t even remember getting that drunk the night before. The whole evening is kind of a blur of shots and bright lights and off-key karaoke. It was just supposed to be happy hour, which you learned quickly was your first mistake. There was no such thing as just happy hour with San, Wooyoung, and their insanely chaotic group of friends. And as the sleep is wearing off, something else creeps in. There is an arm draped over you. You’re not alone in your bed. Peeking one eye open, you’re immediately struck with the fact that these aren’t your walls, not your sheets, this isn’t your bed. You’re praying on everything that you don’t believe in that the arm belongs to one of the other people you’d gone out with the night before. You remember thinking one of Wooyoung’s friends was cute and tall and smiley, a little flirty and a little shy too. And then you see the hands. And the rings. With a careful glance back, you confirm it’s Hoseok, shirtless (you don’t need to check if it’s wearing anything else).

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It’s rushing back. You quickly learned San and Wooyoung had no intention of letting you go after just happy hour. They were all convinced you were too stressed and that what you really needed was a patented WooSan (yes, they had a couple name, despite not actually being in a relationship) night of fun. You briefly considered protesting, but really, what was the point? And fuck, they weren’t wrong.

So happy hour turned into multiple stops. Wooyoung was on a karaoke mission and although you had never heard him sing, you instinctively thought drunken karaoke was never a good idea. (You were wrong, he had the voice of an angel to match his personality of the devil.) Karaoke meant meeting up with more of their friends. And somehow, because fate was cruel, one of their friends had brought along his friend Hoseok. You remember staring at him like a deer in headlights before declaring everything was fine and hitting the shots. There also may have been a lot of flirting with Wooyoung’s tall friend with the shy smile whose name you couldn’t remember.

Now, in the light of day, it was not fine. You gingerly slide out from underneath his arm and carefully get out of the bed, tiptoeing over to what you can only hope and assume is a bathroom, phone snatched off the nightstand on the way. You’re thanking drunk you for not making it harder to find.

Once you’re in the safety of the bathroom, you sink down to the floor and take a couple of breaths. You’re not sure if it’s the hangover rearing its ugly head or just the situation you’ve found yourself in.

You: Yoongi are you up? You: Please be up, I need you! You: This is important! Like one of those most important things in the world.

Yoongi isn’t answering and you’re starting to panic. You need someone to talk you through this. So you call him, knowing that it might get his attention. The first call goes to voicemail and so you try again. This time after the second ring you hear him grunt a frustrated “what?” and then hang up.

Yoongi: What the fuck? You call twice and hang up on me? You: Because I need you

Missed call from Yoongi

Yoongi: Then answer the fucking phone You: I *can’t* You: Yoongi, I fucked up, like really fucked up Yoongi: What’s going on? You: I went out drinking last night and ugh I did something really fucking stupid Yoongi: Whatever it is, it’s not that serious You: I just woke up next to Hobi… You: Like I’m in fucking university again Yoongi: … Yoongi: I’m going back to bed, you’re being dramatic You: I’m *not* this is SERIOUS Yoongi: It’s not that serious You: I’ve spent 5 years trying to get over the way he treated me, so yeah it’s a big deal Yoongi: it’s just drunken sex and I’m tired You: oh my god, give the phone to Jimin Yoongi: Just text him You: Yoongi, please

You stare at the phone and try to figure out what else to say when the screen lights up again.

Yoongi: I have a very grumpy boyfriend You: Jimin, thank god Yoongi (Jimin): what is it my little problem child? You: Just read up Yoongi (Jimin): You bitch, you went out and got drunk and didn’t invite me? You: Jimin can we focus please? Yoongi (Jimin): Who did you go out with? You: Is this really the time? Yoongi (Jimin): I’m waiting You: Fuck Jimin, just some people that are working on the show You: Now can we please talk about this colossal mistake? Yoongi (Jimin): I’ll be there to pick you up and take your hungover ass to get breakfast, which is more than you deserve since you went out WITHOUT ME You: Thank you and I will never go out without inviting you again Yoongi (Jimin): Better

You’ve taken way too long in the bathroom and you know there’s a chance Hoseok will be awake now. But you can’t bring yourself to leave the bathroom until you get the text from Jimin that he’s downstairs. Bless him for being an absolute angel, even when it’s his horns keeping the halo upright. 

Despite being a colossal pain in the ass about nearly everything in life, Jimin does actually come through and take you to one of the best meals you’ve ever had. Or maybe you’re just that hungover. You don’t really know. He’s also somehow managed to bring you a change of clothes (which, you’re not really sure if they’re actually yours or where they came from, but the outfit looks remarkably put together) and makeup so you don’t have to go all the way home. You try to ask why he’s so prepared and he only gives a vague answer about how you didn’t know him before Yoongi and smirks. You’re immediately filing that away for another day when you do remember to invite Jimin out to drink with you and whatever group you’ve been dragged into. 

When Jimin drops you off at the studio (another point to Jimin) where your car is still conveniently parked from the night before, you’re feeling and looking significantly more human. You know you owe him, he doesn’t have to say it. But he’s Park Jimin so he says it anyway and you just smile.

The auditions feel a little less tedious with a stomach full of greasy food the day after a much-needed night out (where you will be pretending that you did not fuck Hoseok again). You’re looking for some more minor characters today. If things go well and you end up doing a second season based on the second book, they could play a much bigger role. For now, though, it’s still small.

Realistically, you’re not hungry because Jimin really did hook you up. Then again, the food is there and it’s free, so you’re looking over to decide what you might actually want to try. Someone approaches the other side of the table, looking tentative. You immediately recognize him as one of the guys you pointed out as fitting the right look for one of your characters. He was sweet, kind of endearing, but with really striking features.

“Hey, I just wanted to introduce myself,” he says and you look up. “I’m Chan.”

“I remember,” you say and you’re being honest. You were insistent that he be kept around to audition.

“Wow, I didn’t think…well that’s great. I’m excited to get the chance. Thank you so much,” Chan says and you realize this might be a big deal for him.

“No problem, you just remind me of him,” you say.

“I was talking to my dance teacher before the first audition,” Chan starts and you raise an eyebrow. “Oh, I know this isn’t a dancing part, I just like to take the classes.”

“That’s fair,” you say.

“And I was really worried about the audition and how it would go,” Chan says. “But my dance teacher, he’s awesome, he said he had gone to school with you and used to be friends with you and all that and that you were really nice.”

That one statement brought you up completely short. What the fuck?

“Who’s your dance teacher?” You already know the answer because really, who else could it be? Still, you need to hear him say it.

“Oh, Jung Hoseok,” Chan says quickly and you force a smile. “Do you remember him? He gave me all this great advice about the audition and said he’d try to reach out to you if it made me feel better. He’s so nice.”

“Yeah, he was. It’s been ages since I’ve spoken to him though,” you say, hoping that you succeed in the attempt at nonchalance. 

“Yeah, he said that. I think he was just trying to help me feel better, offering to reach out,” Chan agrees. “I get it though. You’ve had so much success as a writer, so it makes sense you wouldn’t still talk to everyone from college. It’s so cool they’re turning your book into a series and you’re so young!”

“I feel like I’ve been writing for like 20 years with how much it ages me sometimes,” you say to distract yourself from thinking of Hoseok.

“I actually…read all the books when they came out, I’m a big fan,” Chan says and blushes like it’s embarrassing to admit. You think it’s sweet. One of the PAs calls out for you, though.

“Good luck today, Chan. It’s been really great speaking to you,” you say and excuse yourself.

Honestly, you can’t believe the audacity of fucking Jung Hoseok to say what he had to this poor kid. Playing it off like he knows you, making it seem like you just used to be friends. And what was he thinking, offering to reach out to you on behalf of this kid?

That’s when a truly sickening thought settles into your brain. Takes root in a way that you know you can’t shake it. One of those intrusive thoughts that shouldn’t ever exist. Was that what this all was? Is this why he reached out? Does he just want to help one of his dancers get a role in your new series? That would be seriously fucked up if that was the case. And you hate thinking he could be capable of something like that. The reality is that you used to know Hoseok, while the guy who wrecked you was a complete stranger and there’s no way of knowing which one had shown up now.

The rest of the day is kind of a wash from a concentration standpoint. You’re a million miles away and thankfully, nobody seems to call you on it. You’re not sure if it’s because they’ve worked with writers before that had their heads in the clouds or because you’re still answering all the questions asked of you. Either way, you’re not really there at all. 

Over the next day or so, you decide the best way forward is to continue ignoring Hoseok (despite him texting you multiple times wanting to talk about what happened after karaoke). Instead of talking to Hoseok, you do the completely rational thing and talk to every other person you trust. How can you decide on the next move without multiple opinions? 

You can’t.

Yoongi is first up and he’s exceptionally grumpy since you woke him up before he was ready to be a person. It may not have been that early by normal human standards, but Yoongi is only part human and part gremlin, you think, so he’s never really followed normal hours. Once he’s done being grumpy, he takes his time being thoughtful. As far as he sees it, this was just some drunken sex. It isn’t like Hoseok actually asked for anything, that you remember. And you insist you remember everything from the night.  For all you know, it was just stress relief for both of you. No point in getting worked up.

Since Jimin is there and incapable of being ignored, he also gets to weigh in. Which is welcome, actually, because Jimin can be really calculating when he wants to be. He asks a lot of questions, both about the guy you were friends with and the fight that ended it all. You’re just about ready to call this conversation a day when Jimin says he doesn’t think it sounds like something malicious. There’s only one way to know for sure, though, and he suggests that you just talk to Hoseok like an adult with multiple published books and a streaming deal. There’s Park Jimin for you.

Part of you wants to ask Namjoon, but thinks better of it. The Affair incident is fresh in your mind and you really don’t need to give him another reason to question your sanity. There are enough of those just in everyday life. And you just had to relive the entire fight with Jimin so you’re not too eager to explain all the backstory to Namjoon.

Which makes the final person you ask Jungkook. His opinion is so incredibly important to you, yet it’s the one that you’re least excited about getting. It means you also have to tell him about sleeping with Hoseok, a fact that you have carefully avoided. Not that you owe Jungkook every detail of your life, because you’re not actually in a relationship. It’s just that, sometimes, with how much you depend on each other, it feels like something more. Feels like it’s much more than just some friends-with-benefits type situation. 

In true Jungkook fashion, he takes the news in stride and doesn’t linger on you fucking this stranger that reappeared at the Gala and hasn’t seemed to go away since then. He’s thoughtful, Hoseok has come up a lot in your conversations lately, so he doesn’t have to ask questions like Jimin. And you tell him how frustrating it was to answer them, anyway. There’s no escaping it when Jungkook comes to the same conclusion, though. 

“Just talk to him,” Jungkook urges, “you’ll feel so much better being able to gauge his answer.”

“I’m really sorry,” you say and Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow at that. 

“For what?” he asks.

“Getting drunk and making a stupid fucking mistake by fucking him,” you answer, avoiding his eyes. 

“It’s really not a big deal for you and me,” Jungkook says.

“Are you sure?” you ask. You hate how small your voice sounds.

Jungkook closes the space between you and kisses the top of your head. “I’m sure. I’m here for whatever you need.”

This brings you to texting Hoseok.

And that brings you to sit down in a coffee shop with him, because apparently you can’t just text or go to each other’s apartment, like normal people. Which is nice too, actually, because it gives you a chance to see more of the city than just your apartment or the studio where you’ve been working. It allows you to people watch, see those rushing by in a haze mingled with those taking their time. Let’s your overactive imagination come up with a story for each of them. 

You still aren’t even sure if you want to forgive Hoseok for everything that happened all those years ago. And with all the writing sessions and casting calls, you haven’t exactly had a lot of time to even think, let alone talk to anyone outside of your small circle. Which isn’t totally out of character, you’ve never been one for a huge circle of friends or social engagements. It just makes everything a little more complicated now as you’re trying to sort out feelings. 

Hoseok beat you to the coffee shop this time, seemingly by a bit since he’s going to get his second cup just after you sit down. You spare a passing thought that maybe he’s nervous about talking to you. He certainly seems like he is. Weirdly it makes you less nervous. It makes you feel somehow more in control of the situation because you do know what you want to say.

“So,” Hoseok begins after he sits back down, “about the other night…”

“Actually, that isn’t exactly what I wanted to talk to you about,” you say, watching his eyes go wide.

“What?” he stutters out.

“I mean, I guess it’s kind of related? But also not,” you say. “I met Lee Chan at a casting call the other day.”

Whatever Hoseok was expecting, it’s not this. He tries to connect the dots for a moment before meeting your eyes again. “Okay? He’s a great kid, I’m glad he decided to go to the auditions after all.”

“That’s it?” You’re watching him for a reaction that just isn’t there. Maybe, despite The Fight, he’s still more or less the person you were friends with.

“I’m not sure what else to say about him,” Hoseok admits.

“Okay, cards on the table,” you say with a confidence you don’t entirely feel. “Did you show back up in my life to help your student get a part in my series?”

Hoseok chokes on his drink when the question comes out, turns into a coughing mess and takes a minute to clear his throat. “What the fuck? Is that what you think? Come on, you know me…”

“I don’t though, do I? Not anymore,” you disagree and there’s finally an emotion on his face that you can place: hurt. He’s hurt and you’re not sure how to feel about that. Your feelings about him are still so mixed up. A big part of you wants to comfort him, though. Which isn’t exactly the response you’d expected.

“Maybe I deserve that, but it still hurts,” Hoseok says. You chew your bottom lip while you think.

“It hurt to have the thought it was possible too, trust me,” you say. “But it was weird timing, you know? Chan introduced himself during his second audition, later the same day I woke up in your bed.”

“I would never sleep with you to help a student get something out of it,” Hoseok says earnestly. “I’d never sleep with you to get anything out of it.”

“I want to believe that,” you admit.

“I had no idea that you’d be there. Another guy from the studio who teaches but also takes my master classes is friends with your friends that invited you out. He asked if I wanted to come out, I wasn’t busy, so I figured why not?” Hoseok explains. “And then I wake up and you’re gone.”

“Hoseok,” you say, a quiet warning.

“Actually, I wake up and you’re sneaking out without saying anything,” he amends. 

“I needed to not be there,” you say because it’s all you can say.

“I get that, I know you’re seeing someone, but we needed to talk about it,” Hoseok says.

“Yeah, Jungkook knows,” you say and feel your heart constrict a bit at the way Hoseok pales.

“What?” Hoseok asks. When you don’t say anything, he continues. “Please tell me you’re kidding, he looks like he could kick my ass and barely break a sweat.”

“He would never,” you disagree. “My…relationship, if you wanna call it that, with Jungkook isn’t exactly what you think? Like he’s not my boyfriend, we’re not exclusive or anything like that.”

“But you let me think you were?” He doesn’t look upset, just confused if anything.

“Yeah, I know,” you say and he’s still watching you carefully. “It was just easier and honestly, I didn’t feel like I owed you an explanation for my personal life after all these years.”

“I - yeah, okay, I guess I have to respect that,” Hoseok agrees. “But we still need to talk.”

“I’m not ready,” you say immediately, try not to feel anything when he deflates. 

“I guess I just thought…since you asked to meet me,” Hoseok says, trailing off.

“I needed to know if you really just did that for a student,” you offer.

“You believe that I didn’t, right? That I wouldn’t?” Hoseok asks with so much hope that you’re not sure you can take it.

“I do, yeah,” you say. You’ve barely had time to process, but you know you do believe he wouldn’t do that. It’s about all you know when it comes to him now.

“I really do need you to know how sorry I am,” Hoseok says and you start to open your mouth, but he’s quicker. “Please, you don’t have to say anything, just let me say this? Please?”

He looks so much younger, so vulnerable for a moment. All you do is nod.

“I know sorry isn’t what you need to hear, I get that. I know that I can’t go back and change that fight and all the fucking stupid shit that I said. Stuff that I didn’t mean. And I do hear you that you’re not ready. I just want you to know that I’m so sorry,” Hoseok says.

You let out your breath. “I do know that Hobi, at least on some level.” 

“I’ve, well I’ve done a lot of thinking about that day. I talked to a lot of people, both friends and a therapist, actually. There aren’t any excuses for what I did, no matter what was going on in my head. If I’ve learned anything over the past few years, it’s definitely that. So I want to make sure you know that when you are ready, if you’re ever ready, I won’t make any excuses. What happened was entirely my fault and I completely acknowledge that,” he says, so earnestly. 

“I appreciate that,” you say because it’s all you really can think up.

This was supposed to clear your head up, which it has in some ways. You feel a little silly for even thinking that Hoseok would do something like sleep with you to help get someone he only kind of knows a role in a TV series. And you’re also questioning your friends since none of them pointed out you were having a full breakdown over a man. Not your finest moment. 

But with that one, small thing cleared up, your mind immediately goes back to the bigger issue: Hoseok has reappeared in your life and you really need to figure out how you feel about that. You’ve missed him, of course. You’re not going to deny that very obvious truth. On top of that, you also very clearly have some sort of feelings for him. After all, you’re not stupid college kids anymore. It’s not like you can pretend the sex was meaningless. 

Hoseok, showing some definite growth from your college days, accepts it when you say that you just can’t talk about all the very real things you need to right now. Accepts it when you say that you believe him but you have to go. Accepts that you’re running late for something. The only problem is that you’re not running late. It’s not like you actually planned for after your talk with him. It was too much to even think about how the conversation was going to go.

Now it’s over, though, and you don’t really want to go home to be alone with your thoughts. One of the few times that you don’t like that you live alone. Don’t like that you don’t have a built-in person that can just be there without you having to explain what you’re feeling or that you don’t want to be alone. Which is when your brain goes to Jungkook. He’s become that person that you go to when you don’t want to be alone or when you need to get out of your own head.

Except you’re not really sure that’s fair to him. Not really sure if seeing him right now is going to help you. Since the Gala, he’s been nothing but supportive and understanding. This is too much, though, isn’t it? Sure, you and he have never really wanted to bother labeling things, both just happy with the way things are. Things have naturally kind of evolved, but you haven’t stopped to talk about any of it. Sure, Jungkook always assures you that it’s fine, that he’s happy to be there whenever you need him. 

The healthiest thing to do is go home and actually try to sort out your feelings. The second healthiest thing to do would be to call Yoongi and tell him that you actually need to talk to him (which you do, desperately, need his help). 

None of the healthy options include texting Wooyoung to see if he’s got any plans that night. The healthy ways to process definitely don’t include agreeing to go out for happy hour knowing full well what that means with Wooyoung. At least this time, you invite Jimin to avoid one disaster.

(Jimin agrees to come and agrees to your terms that he’s not allowed to ask if you’re okay or if you want to talk. Agrees that he won’t tell Yoongi even if he thinks you’re making reckless decisions. He also finds a way to tell Wooyoung’s friend not to invite Hoseok this time without outing you. When you’re sober, you’ll probably thank Jimin. Maybe. There is always his ego to consider.)

“I feel like I’ve seen you around somewhere,” San muses, looking at Jimin.

Jimin just smiles his most mischievous smile and shrugs, taking a sip of his drink. “Probably.”

“Jimin is one of my best friends, he’s been by the studio a few times,” you say when it’s clear Jimin isn’t going to provide any more context. He sighs and rolls his eyes dramatically.

“I’m also dating her platonic soulmate, so she’s stuck with me,” Jimin adds and you snort.

“Is that what we’re calling Yoongi these days?” you ask. Jimin smiles a real smile, eyes crinkling. 

“Honestly, yes, your friendship with him is so sweet, it makes me sick,” Jimin says with nothing but affection. 

San seems satisfied and Wooyoung just looks enamored by anything Jimin says. Which is actually kind of cute because you can tell he’s not even interested in Jimin like that, just genuinely wants to be his friend. And you definitely get that. Jimin is one of the sweetest, most charismatic people that you know. Yes, he can be a devious little shit, but when he’s like this, it’s impossible to not like him. 

That’s just kind of how the night goes. Thankfully, it’s not quite as crazy as the last time you went out with this group. You learn the tall guy’s name is Mingi and for some reason, he seems weirdly shy around you. It’s cute and he’s incredibly sweet. Jimin fits in seamlessly, which isn’t a surprise to you with how many times you’ve seen him like this. 

What is a surprise, though, is that Jimin keeps demanding you get up and dance with him. Since, of course, happy hour turned into going someplace else. It wasn’t just Jimin that wanted to dance and now you were just along for the ride. He also insisted that you were a safe choice to dance with and also gave you a sob story about how Yoongi would never dance with him at the club. 

(Probably true, crowds and people and this kind of thing were definitely not Yoongi’s first or second or even last choice. It’s also true that Jimin is a really amazing dancer and you’re a little intimidated by him. You’re also, thankfully, just buzzed enough to not really care.)

It’s the early hours of the morning when you finally head home, feeling a lot lighter than you had after leaving Hoseok. In fact, you haven’t checked your messages since meeting up with Jimin, Wooyoung, San, and the others. There’s something freeing about just putting everything on Do Not Disturb and enjoying the moment. 

By the time you get out of the car at your apartment, the alcohol haze is already wearing off. Which ends up being a good thing when you open your door to see someone sitting on your couch. There’s a half second of panic, of your brain calculating fight or flight, before you realize that it’s just Jungkook. Sitting on your couch, watching TV like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

“Jesus Christ, Jungkook,” you say, hand on your chest like you’re about to die. A little overdramatic, maybe, but your brain is still a little hazy around the edges. 

“Sorry,” he says, eyes immediately going comically wide. “I didn’t mean to scare you!” 

“No, it’s fine,” you say as you toe off your shoes and drop your keys and bag on the table by the door. 

“I really am sorry,” he says. It’s easy to believe when he looks that bashful. “I don’t even know why I came over. I just, well I texted you after I got out of my shoot to see how things went and you didn’t answer.”

“Oh yeah, I went out for drinks with Jimin and some friends from the set,” you say and Jungkook nods. 

“Yeah, he actually texted me,” Jungkook admits and you just chuckle. Of course he did, you think. “But I was already on my way over here and your apartment is more comfortable than mine. I can leave though?” 

“No, it’s fine, it’s late,” you say as you collapse on the couch with him. “One rule, though.” 

“What?” he asks.

“I don’t wanna talk about the conversation with Hobi right now,” you say quietly as you nestle into Jungkook’s side.

You miss the way that he tenses for a minute at the way the old nickname falls so easily from your lips. Miss the way it takes his arms a minute to wrap around you. Miss the way his face falls a little at you not wanting to talk to him about something. 

“Of course, whatever you need,” Jungkook says. 

You don’t hear the way his voice sounds a little hollow, a little less animated than it usually does. He wants to mean it, wants to keep being there for you however you need him. It’ll be fine, he tells himself. He can do this. 

all of them are kinda going through it right now, but please let me know your thoughts <3

#jungkook imagine #jungkook scenarios #btswritersclub #btshoneyhive #bangtantheatrenet #kvanity #thekpopuniverse #jeon jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook fic #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts x reader #hoseok x reader #hoseok imagine

[taelonsamada]

2022

Saw @dominimoonbeam do this and thought it was a fantastic idea, not only to remind myself how much I’ve accomplished this year, but also set goals for myself for 2023!!

2022 was an INSANE year for me lol I had discovered redacted late November/early December 2021, but REALLY sank into the fandom around March 2022, and the people I met in that fandom were all amazing and wonderful and insanely supportive. Thanks to that support, I finally delved back into the world of fanfiction for the first time in almost twenty years, and the response has been…. Well, I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve cried several times when seeing how people have responded to my silly little stories lol On top of the fanfiction, the fanart and the response people have given it have not only had me drawing more and thereby increasing my drawing skills, but my commissions have skyrocketed, which has allowed me to tame some bills that were hanging over my head (AND YES I AM AWARE THAT I STILL HAVE SEVERAL COMMISSIONS WAITING, I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN THEM, I PROMISE 😭) And as if the craziness weren’t enough there, I even got to travel to Boston and meet one of the amazing friends I’ve made in person, and while there I achieved a decade long dream of getting to see the Final Fantasy concert Distant Worlds!! 🥰

Progress was made here at the camp, too!! We finally got new batteries, which means we’re able to operate more solely on solar, which allows us to consume less gas and thereby save money AND be less dependant on outdated resources! Frustratingly, the mine got a 3 year extension, but that just means three more years of telling the government where they can stick it, so more chances to stir up some drama lol

And of course, this year I’ve also finally achieved the dream I’ve had since I was 9 and published my first book!!!! What. WHAT. And on top of that, you all have been wonderful about that book, and very supportive 😭 I am a legit different person in an entirely different place than I was in December 2021, and I just cannot believe it. And I have every intention of making sure 2023 is just as wonderful lol

Goals for 2023:

Finish writing Tarnished Truths, the sequel to Silvered Scars

Edit and polish Tarnished Truths

POSSIBLY publish Tarnished Truths (depends on how long editing and polishing takes)

Write the third book in the series (which will be following Reid, the Alpha of the pack from Silvered Scars)

Finish writing Between You, Me & The Fence Post

Finish Return to Shore

Put a dent into my Redacted WIP file

Make more art (definitely been more focused on writing the last few months)

Save up enough money to begin building my own cabin out here in the woods

Again, I wanna thank each and every one of you who’s been along with me for this insane ride, and I hope you’ve had fun on this journey! It’s far from over, and 2023 is definitely gonna be an interesting year!!

#2022 wrap up #on to 2023!! #jeez seeing it all written out like that #a lot really happened in 2022 huh #LOL it’s been such a crazy year

[viralvava]

heard you weren't feeling too good so how about telling me all about your boys D and Rocambole from VHD for the character opinion bingo? (sorry if i got the names wrong i'm still new to this dsfskksd)

<3 you got the names right hehe

d!!! i LOVE love love d. as one of only three slash four commonly recurring characters in the entire series due to vhds status as incredibly episodic, he is quite literally everyones blorbo, and for good reason because hes amazing. however also due to vhd being written very carefully so as to not ever show what d is actually thinking, ever, at all, 90% of him is left up to interpretation, which breeds a completely insane amount of variety when it comes to opinions om him, and i think thats really lovely. my personal take is that hes largely apathetic to life in general -- much like rocambole (ill get to that), he doesnt particularly enjoy life but also has no intentions of losing his, unlike the sacred ancestor (his vampire god king manwhore mad scientist eugenicist openly suicidal incredibly obsessed really shitty father), and such... however i think one thing that is plainly obvious about d is that he is trying very hard to get all the money ever and win at capitalism. d kind of functions more as a vehicle for other characters to develop than develops himself, at least obviously so, which means you really have to read between the lines, but the fratricide arc (best 'arc' and only 'arc') is really good for implicit possibly unintentional d character development :) my favourite d characterisation moments are probably the "what have i imparted to you, my only success?" speech in armageddon, and "if youre going to regret something, dont do it in the first place" from on the night road. however! one thing i get very salty about regarding d is, due to the movies lacking the context for d's family issues and therefore almost the entire core of the books story, and also softening d a lot from his book horrible self, common interpretations from people who only watched the movies (which are good i swear) or dont respect the books (i understand not liking them, but respecting them is different) usually end up treating him like alucard 2, which is just... wrong. its wrong.

lord rocambole!!! my beloved glup shitto!! my favouritest little bastard that nobody else remembers or cares about!!! the most forgettable brother from the fratricide arc!!! the most half-baked brother!!! the most missed opportunity ever!!! the most obvious prototype character for what would later be valcua ever!!! this wont be as long as d's commentary because ive already rambled a lot about rocambole in other posts, but i adore him, i really do, hes my terrible wife. despite being known, apparently, as a "god of atrocity" and a born mass murderer, bastard son of the sacred ancestor (the only one of the 5 actually specified to be a bastard son which is crazy), hes... well, he's certainly nowhere near as bad as lawrence "death toll of 5 million+, chucked a planetoid at the earth, tortures people for fun" valcua, in personality and what we see actually described of him, but valcua certainly doesnt get such nasty titles. rocambole is woefully underdescribed, unlike valcua we're never told exactly what he did to earn his fate and moniker, and his personality and actions onscreen can actually read as respectable! hes polite, has no personal issues with d, and is scarily well-adjusted for a vhd character in his area, all things considered, accepting his inevitable death by the sacred ancestors degree in a way valcua simply couldnt, and etc. my favourite thing about him is how he acts as a kindred spirit of a kind to d: both not particularly wanting their life but also hating the idea of just giving it away for no reason, both knowing that they cant fight openly against the sacred ancestors will but still rebelling in every way they can just to make their own will known -- ive gone into more detail about that part specifically in another post. needless to say, i love rocambole :)

actually, ive seen a sudden boost in awareness of him recently, which is really really great -- ive seen people actually drawing him!! and since you follow me, youve seen my spam reblogs of said art, oops :p but it makes me really happy to see :)

#thank you <3 really

[zhalar]

i did these posts with books i read in 2020 i think, bout to make another for black sails. this is just a yardstick for my progression with the series, aka my extensive nonsensical notes and quotes i liked etc. no clear indicators whos saying what and when, just Vibes and Real Drama Television so i'll generally remember whats Happening. watch out its quite a wordy fucknig thing if you press read more also i started at episode 4 of season1 for some fucking reason and it pisses me off immensely. IT TOOK ME SIX MONTHS AND NINE DAYS TO FINISH THIS SHOW. I NEED TO PUT THESE THOUGHTS SOMEWHERE. heres also a twitter thread of reaction for however long the site's gonna be usable at this point

(watch and read as my opinions on characters and decisions change in real time)

ep4 fuckign FUCK jack is the funniest motherfucker in this SHOWWW . "you'd be a valuable asset to anybody .. my [most valuable thing??] is my wits [and as someone who just lost 5000 pesos of their own crew's money, it isn't worth much atm]

"and that, my darling, i feel compelled to state out loud, life is simply too FUCKING SHORT".

also anne as the muscle and him as the wits.❤️ straight rights

ep5 "i specifically tried to talk her OUT of getting wrapped up in my selfish scheme" it's the Best when men are. self-aware.

ep6 eleanor holding john's life in her fingers❤️ tasty delicious i love women with power yes girl destroy every other person for the woman who you love

the enslaved people fucking their captors shit right up. i love this flavor. fucking hell. fucking fuck the stunt scott pulled almost got me ooohhhh thank god it didn't go as i feared.

john has this cadence about him it's like he's constantly trying to sell me a used car

BILLY ? FLINT. ARE YOU. FOR REALLLL

"you had your say. now i'll have mine" ANNEEEE

ep7 gates: "because billy. Wasn't expendable. To Me." MY MANNNNNNNNNNNNN IM GONNA. CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

eleanor PLEASE get your head outta your assSSSS....

back to jack rackham's funtime brothel business attempt :) hes so bad at this... what the hell.... "the wRong tree" BITCH.... he is so pathetique godbless

"get your fucking house in order" MAX. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

the . fuckign tears in Gates' eyes when Dufrene says that after this trip, Flint dies. . ajdslfhjl

ep8 flint you . flint. Flint. you fucking. YOU SADDDD PATHETICCCCCCC LITTLE MAN. NOT! GATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not the sobbing and im sorry's and cradling his dead body in your hands. this sucks. this fucking SUCKS

i wish vane would suck some sand and die :)

john's manic smile "had to be done" you are. sssssso. YOU.

"no-man's-land. there was a time when stopping halfway across this bridge would have been unthinkable to you"

sorry to be so crude but flint's tits are fucking Humongous. Who allowed this.

s2

ep1 "but i'm the only person within a hundred miles of here who doesn't want to see you dead" hm. my god. so flint and silver, like...

"maaadam guthrie" jack <3

"so i actually have to fight him?" "WELL WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN"

"you have absolutely nothing to worry about" i doubt that, jack. but thanks

OH MY DOUBTS ARE UNFOUNDED !

flint and silver make each other worse :) yay!!!

ep2 ".. but seducing her was certainly... an interesting approach"

idk where this is going to go yet . but jack. "take our, predicament" bruh. MANN. hes so pathetic and i feel bad for him but do nottt be a dickkkkk. HE'S TALKING LEGALIZE LIKE A DICK AND JUST. TAKES THE SHOT. [DRUMROLL] READY TO LEAVE,

. JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK. "Please know that all i have ever wanted for you is to be happy. come to bed when you're through" for. REAL?????????????????? JACK MY BEST FRIEND JACK?? POLY KING..

ep4 im sorry i know theres all this war and politic intrigue happening but the . threesome morning after, jack's awkward but jovial ?? grimace at max when he's leaving the scene, ohh my god... also max being a ma'am now within the brothel❤️ and jack kissing anne's head as he rose from bed....

flint and john insane homoerotically charged conversations. always reverting back to his share of the gold huh.

ep5 miranda's actor doing SO much for big frustrated female emotions(tm)

(utterly unimpressed) "all right. what's the matter with the articles"

"so again fuck's your problem?" anne... anne your voice is like a SO~NG

"and another to tell them why they should want to do it"

ohh my god, uhhuh. Uhhuh. huh? . yeah. yeah i thought so. i mean. fuck. Wow. uhhuh. no one's spoiled me enough to prepare me for this, then, huh. james fucking flint you complicated hard-headed queer jackass of a man. your plan is bad but fuck man who am i to tell you anything

ep6 please tell me jack doesn't know how to be a sailor please please PLEWASE he is so pathetic. "listen... no women" SHUT UP!!!!

anne's stride to that man's neck to get him to spill the beans about the gold. her voice and eyes. i love you strange angry violent bisexual woman. god. you know. trauma !

thhhe fucking shadow work when small scared traumatized anne lifts her gaze to max. oh the shadow in that. MAX'S VOICE.... MAX PROMISING TO. PROTECT ANNE?? at some cost i bet.... BUT ANYWAY????

i love the fact that jack is just compleeeteely not scary intimidating or physically impressive at all. wet blanket of a man but at least he's got a brain (?) and a heart ???

ep7 max standing up for anne, both of them owing so fucking much to the other. i love how much authority max has...

oh its sooo fucking delightful how silver and flint are just. thick as thieves, suddenly, i love to fuckin see it. OK NEVER FUCKING MINDDD LMAO. but theyve still got that rappor!!! like!!! cant get rid of the other fast enough. or at all!! no matter what! tied at the ankles together!!

oh. thank. fuck max hugged her. ohh my god... and [the other lady] was so .. idk whats going on exactly but how kind of her to . come and usher anne out of the situation. you dont need to be doing this. go. HHHNNN

silver telling max about the gold >:) MAX'S SMILE. ILOVE HERRRR

hyiiii EWW THE ENDING OF THIS EPISODE... EWWWWW

ep8 "please go with him, so he doesn't get himself killed" ".. oh for fucks sake.."

the power that silver holdddds. ooohhhhhhhhh

wait HOLD UP. ? DID :) did flint kill hamilton's father for putting him in an asylum (??) am i reading this girl's tale correctly..

"for if anyone is responsible for what happened that day, it's, Me." ma'am. ily

oh god oh lord. the birds of prey over the fort. has vane Really just murdered 40 men ON HIS OWN.

ALRIGHT. YEAH. WAIT. NO. I FORGOT ABOUT THE NASTY UNPLEASANT VIBE OF THE LATEST EPISODE LOL <33

FUCK charles vane i HATE THIS BITCHHHHh EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING DIFFICULT ALL OF THE TIME

ep9 "footrope. bitch of a spot"

"you idiots are the fucking riggers of this ship" AHSDHFJKH

oh but i thought there were two ships. one in charlestown and one at nassau. and that vane's men would yknow. be in Nassau. cuz how did they get into charlestown THIS QUICK ?

i know it's main character syndrome but man oh boy is silver good at keeping himself alive

"where are we going?" "to execute the third option"

i hate that anne has to kill :( but it is also so fucking sexy that she is so GOOD at handling a fight

fuuuuck eleanorrrrr,,, GRRRR

tjhe lingering hand hold with anne and max.... AUUUGH

the LOVE. that miranda and flint share for thomas is SO FUCKING WILD TO ME WHAT A POINT WHAT A POWER. ????

OH . SHHHHE. FUCKING. DIES??????????? JUST LIKE . THAT????????????

john's smug ass grin when vane says theyre saving flint... whaaaatttt

NOT THE AVALANCE ??????

ep10 "like we was two halves of the same thing""i can't be your wife, jack"[A TEAR FROM JACK'S EYE]"but you and i are gonna be partners til they put us in the fucking ground" HET! RIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!

john seeing how the crew starts rising up for him.. oh the power. oh the power is DELICIOUS.

"everyone is a monster to someone. since you are so convinced that i am yours... i will be it"

"what do you suggest?" "that we remind them that they were right to be afraid" FLINT!!!!!

"where are his keys, and has he seen them since he took me away from my men" BRO. JOHN!!!!!!

oh flint is. fully gone :) kill my lover kill my wife i've HAD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the fear the genuine guttural fucking FEAR at john's voice over the state of his leg . the crew all around him. oh this is. OH THIS IS.

point of no return.

"would you like to see something shiny?" PIRATES!!!!! WOOOO YEAHH

MAX AS THE SEASON'S FINAL FRAME ILYSM

s3

ep1 TEACH!!

"any capital sentence against a pirate would hear my answer" he's an avenging angeeeeel. OF SOME SOOORT

haircut and facial hair to show that time has passed, yes, i see

"this crew has spilled a great deal of blood to make your name what it is. it doesn't belong to you" WOW

oh. Oh! alright! jack you piece of shit huh! vane i'm sorry for my very mean words (still deserved, but you know, people, being human, piracy)

"take this, and leave me be" max.....

"jack, if i thought it gave you any pleasure, i would've killed you the moment you suggested it" goddamn. goddamn these two. fucking fuck.

season three poster kicks ASSS

ep2 "lovely. good old jack gets buried beneath a pile of rubble while you two begin a well-funded life of leisure"

"i am here in part to ensure my own future, i will not apologize for that" max you deserve eeeveeerythiiiiing

sjhaking jack and max in a bottle grr GRR they both love anne GRRRRRRRRH

"this is the second time in the last few months im facing certain death, and you are again offering moral support" "does that mean we're married?"

oh . oh :( john having to witness and hold this guy through as he's helpless and fucking drowning before his eyes. fuck tthis fucking SHOW!!!!!

i love how much this all. Affects john. he's so fuckjing sad to lose yet another of his brothers.

"just how fucking stupid, exactly, are your men" "... it's hard to say"

"... like fucking rodents, preparing for the winter"

flint's nightmares in this... ough. miranda... HAUNTING

oh fuckyes the becalming be upon us. IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS.

ep3 "no, i think we should feed some of the men and not, others" dfhjk flint flint flint flint this is FUCKED UP. BUT WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO???? AS CAPTAIN!!!!!

jack's "[whistle] that's enough. you, sit down" charming charming guy

"though might be you're the only one who actually made a career of it" jack and anne and jack and vane and hdsfdbkjbvkvj what is this do they even like each other is this old friends is tHIS ABOUT OLD FRIENDS ???

"i think it's torture for him. and i think the only way he can imagine it stopping is when there are no more of us left to witness it" john's insight into flint.... why is he so clever about this man. huh!!!

the ghosts hunting flint❤️ oh christ i cant do this . fucking trauma. fucking piracy. fuck this noise. FUCK!!!

"if you're not strong enough to do what needs to be done, [then] i'll do it for you" flint. my man. is this a love confession (fuck no it isnt but also HM)

oh shit, oh fuck , anne and max fucking love each other. FUCK. "you should stay. to see it divided evenly" ".... i trust you" AH! HOLY! SHIT!

"i'm one of the two men who've been on full rations for the last few days. you're the other. let's go" YAY AT THIS DYNAMIC. YAY AT TRYING TO BECOME WHAT HIS BEST FRIEND AND WIFE WERE TO HIM. YAY AT THIS ENTIRE TRUST-BONDING EXPERIENCE :)!!!

fight me or kill me "or acknowledge the fact that you and i would be a hell of a lot better off as partners instead of rivals" HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!

ep4 the men shouting and lying and demanding shit outside the fortress, appealing to jack, trying to get to vane. jack point-blank shooting the guy❤️ oh my god.

fuck yes retribution by enslaved people <3 oh man. where is this going to Fucking Take Us. ethically choppy waters, black-n-white thinking, i dont fcking know

jack is . so focused on leaving a legacy...

"how much?" "... mmh !"

"i was just gonna say 'i'll see you soon', but that would probably be a lie, wouldn't it?"

"i hate to be the one to say it, but is it possible we've all missed the point of that story? they all Died."

flint and john's epic fatherhood over billy ahljsdf:djflgk

"she will not let us leave this place alive" and good for her for that

MISTER SCOTT LOVE OF MY LIFEEEEE LIGHT OF MY DAYSSSSSS YEAH YEAH !! YEHAW!!!

oh fuckers and shitheads you did not just . shoot at him. did you. im going to eat you

ep5 "so i might oversee the survival of both places outside the scrutiny of either" mr scott.......

"you should know, people do not speak to me that way anymore" max you deserve the moon and the stars. eleanor get the fuck outta here...

h e r  v o i c e  w h e n  s h e  s a y s  a n n e

scott smiling so fucking gently softly at his wife and THEN HIS DAUGHTER OUGH MAN HE'S SO..!!!! flint i swear if you fuck this up. if you get a knife on her im gonna [jsdfhmgjkfjngj]

"strange how little separates us" :( vane and that dying spanish dude talking...

"it's awful, isn't it. how the money makes sheep of us all"

max demanding herself a seat and a future. god i love you.

"and yet for some reason, right now i am bothered by it" the flint fucking curse i see

HE LEFT THE KNIFE!!! HE LEFT IT!!! THE CROWD GOES WILLLDDDD

"bring down nassau. maybe you bring it all down"

jack and his name..... ohhhh brother.

ep6 "in a few hours time, there's a good chance you're going to look awfully smart"

jack so angry and peeved and hurt-of-pride bc that english dude got the city to work and he didn't... ouhh the pride. OH WHY ARE YOU HERE YOURE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE.....

"no one prepared you for this, did they" ah the similar fates "but i know how"

"but it cannot be borne if you cannot stand"

"please understand i'm quite particular about my library"

"to have been a partner to him in this way" the homoerotic subtext mmmhh-hm!

"you don't think i can convey a thought to Anne comprehensible only to her? a thought as simple as 'run'?" ;_; BRUH,,, he's ready to . Not let Nassau be 'english' and for anne to have a chance out NO MATTER WHAT THE COSTTTTT

"english it will not be" or however the quote went..... badass... fuck yehaw.....

scott and his daughter ,,, scott continues to be so. fucking loving father to her despite the great gulf between  them :( MANNNN

FUCK! ROGERS!!!!!!!!!!!

ep7 jesussss this plan is big and dangerous🙂

yes yess YES YES YESSSS THE DAUGHTER GETS ON THE BOAT!!!!!!!!! please tell me her name next. ffs.

billy taking her hand and helping her onto the ship COOL SHOT !!

".. but this battle is ours as much as yours. my word and your will govern in consort or not at all. and when i'm not present, that word shall be given by my daughter" POWER TO WOMEN!!!!!!!!

"we're all villains in nassau. don't think cuz youre new youre any different"

fuck :) now they gotta give jack as well as the gold. max is so pissed abt this. she gave anne her WORD.

i love that she had power and say over white men now. btw. love this flavor.

HER NAME IS MADI. BTW. THANK YOUU

"i understand this is the place cowards come to beg forgiveness from a king"

"captain flint is dead" "not anymore he's not" HE GOT BETTER

ohhhh ffffuuuuuck did silver just. kick glasses-guy's head in with his peg leg. ohh Brother.

"my name is john silver. and i've got a long, fucking memory"

flint coming to ask silver "are you alright?" after this all :)c not to be annoying. but im gonna be annoying. these two fucking guys <3

flint talking about both miranda and thomas this episode i love bisexuality

"... and spiteful to anyone who would find.. Happiness, under her rule" AFTER REFERRING TO THE FACT THAT BOTH THOMAS AND MIRANDA WERE KILLED FOR THE FIGHT FOR THE PARDONS ETC. WOW!!!!

vane and jack and anne and max polycube of all time. at this current moment just the three of them at all actively but it still stands.

ep8 anne and flint discussing routes. vane is there too. vane is playing with some tea cup. gets his finger slightly stuck on the ear--

"don't despair, some other poor bastard'll take my place soon enough" jack..... the RAT......

"there's a whole world out there, that ever so often rewards ambition"

"this does not seem like release"

"one waits for mr de groot to finish speaking, frowns thoughtfully, and then repeats phonetically what he said to the men"

"the depths of my ignorance on the subject" oooh yes. oh YES. learning the job. ON THE FLY.

he and madi have an interesting thing going on :) they should be friends i think

i really dont care for eleanor anymore. like good for her for girlbossing her own way but ohhhh stay away from max thaaaanks

ok sorry yeah i do like it when she's cussing men out its good its fantastic

the fucking spiderweb of people and relations and ideals and pride and trust and power and dsshfkdjfgkj

"for reasons passing understanding, mr dobbs still has a number of friends on this crew" fuck dobbs but FUCK this line is funny

madi :(....

jack is the son of a long line of tailors omg...

"but jesus did i make up a lot of ground to catch you"

anne clambering into the wreckage to kiss jack square on the lips hello............ "ow" HELLO

vane jack and anne "right behind us" vane's INSANE fucking stare at flint as he says "yeah" GOOD STUFF

i mean im not trying to sell the polycule but uuuhhhhoooohhhgh vane helping jack out of the carriage.. that hold is GOOOOOODDD

vane's NOT ABOUT TO FUCKING DIE RIGHT NOW. IS HE. I JUST STARTED TO LIKE HIIMMMM

ep9 "charles vane's death is inside that box. along with my good name. along with her lost love. along with your late quartermaster's life." holy fucking shit speak UP jack oh i LOVE THIS. oh my godddddd

"that, or he doesn't know how to say no to the both of us at the same time" flint and silver parents of all time

"... it could be catastrophic" "HE KNOWS." JOHN'S FACE HEREEE

"if you have something to add you should just fucking say it"

"i can't tell if this was a warning, or a welcome" WELCOME!!!!!! WELCOME TO H E L L ! ! !

madi hugging john OH GOD. OH THE . GHRGHGGRHG THERES A TRUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"get on with it motherfucker" oh fuck me i really like vane actually. he's not gonna fucking DIE, HAHA, THAT WOULD BE . WRONGGGG

huh. well this fucking hurt actually. gol d roger ass move btw. FUCK THIS SUCKS ACTUALLY!!!!!!

jack taking on vane's mantle . my teeth are gonna be ground clean off with the way im clenching my jaw right now. fffuck me this episode was pretty rough after all

eleanor guthrie youre a fantastic character i hope you also get whats coming to you❤️

hello mr teach and your sad little camp.... dad's about to be fucking furious about a certain someone's hanging.... "what do you want to do about it?" and the movement of his eye.... GIRL WHAT DO YOU THINK HE WANTS TO DO ABOUT IT

ep10 "the irony wasn't lost on either of us"

"but the one in whose name this war is to be fought... it is still a stranger to me" oh Words. also flint's stare in this moment mmmmmwah!!

"and given how much we have sacrificed to earn this battle, how can we do anything other but to see it through. my friend may have given his life to earn this battle"

flint sacrificed fifty of his men in a senseless massacre just to entice the english to chase after him.......... bitch this fucking MAN.

blackbeard coming to avenge his SONNNN and also jack closing his eyes to take in the news of charles' death oh my GOD

he is. so righteously PEEVED at eleanor over what happened to charles oh my god.....

BTW really very good hair insp from jack here. around 19minutes to the ep

"... once our relationship had been exposed, defiled, scandalized... everything ended"

"england was broken, and that sooner or later a good man must resist it" BRO. BRRRRROOO

flint's voice and face during this conversation haHa. haha ha ha. Ha., huh.

john..... partners and trust and dying 'for' flint ghngrhg

"there may be no one in the world closer to you than i am" THIS IS . INSANE. INSANE!!!!!!!

"i think he feels shame. for having disappointed me. and a great need to redeem himself in my eyes"

"but among them is the sincere confusion as to why charles invested any time and energy in you" BECAUSE THEYRE FRIENDS!!!! DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!

"there wasnt any more to that thought, was there" JACK YOU LOSER....

"to be underestimated is an incredible gift"

"someone better suited to do what must be done" madi's so fucking cool and i would lay down my life for her .

"see you on the other side" "always." fuck will and elizabeth actually these are my emotional support straights (not straight). also jack just called charles their brother im going to dshfjkdbgjkhjhklfdg

oh i love comedy. blackbeard's ship getting shot at and jack faltering in his step, while Teach. Literally Just Stands there. giving him the eye. Jack trying to gather himself. lmao

"TELL YOUR GOVERNOR. YOU TELL HIM I'M COMING" YAAAAYYY

"but in terms of out future and the danger that you believe you may pose to me, bear this in mind. I've survived starvation, a tempest, pirate hunters, jealous captains, mutinous crews, angry lords, a queen, a king, and the goddamn british navy." the rest of that quote. THE SCENE WHERE THEYRE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER OVER THE BODY OF WATER. WOW!!! FLINT'S SMILE IN THE FLASHBACK. WOW!!!!!!!

"but that name isnt doing anything for us. see about that"

cant fucking describe how insanely fun it is to me that the crew at nassau are creating a myth, a man out of thin air, to serve as the poster boy for their efforts or whatnot. this is the Neatest fucking thing. WHAT the hell.

best fucking thing to have max be in these season finale final shots so often

THE LETTER. MADMEN, RICH MEN, TYRANTS AND KING. THE TABLE!!!!

s4

ep1 "if it makes you feel any better, i havent considered killing you in months" aw he cares ❤️

also hhhiiiih the opening sequence underwater stuck in that ladder thingie :) yikes!!

MADI HOT AS HELL.

"today there will be vengeance for the death of charles vane" JAAAACKKKKK

THE REVENGE :)<3

oh that was. a nasty fucking trick, the barricade whatever. oh fuck me.

OH FUCK MEEEE flint i cant believe you'd leave silver on his oWN OH NNNO. and madi's reaction as well oh no....

"i dont know. got to make this" girl this is . So.

im still wondering about max and eleanor's roles in all this. who will max side with. No one? herself. is eleanor actually This, Now. after all That? shes the most selfish mf (honorific) that im finding this all Very difficult to swallow

flint telling madi how it seems that silver and her have become 'friends'.... "he is my friend, too" i see. I See.

MR. FEATHERSTONE DO NOTTTTTTT TRIFLE ME RIGHT NOW. BE. FOR REAL.

no no nnno not mister de groot :(

"there will be no pirate King here. of that much i am certain" GO GIRL!!!!!!!!! I SUPPORT THIS

ep2 "i gave you a life, and you repaid me by conspiring with my enemies" MAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh NO???

aah, good ol sexism on the high seas. whats teach's fucking issue with anne.

madi has the fucking, CLASS and SWAG of a chAMPION. TALK BACK TO FLINT MORE!!! ILOVE THIS FLAVOR

israel fucking hands lmsjkdfglfk i fucking knew it was fking waiting for the name to drop i cant fucking, believe this

i love this, when john is spinning this tale about himself, i dont know if he believes any of it himself, whether he's so deep in the lie just to get out of a bad situation, is this where his heart actually lies. i love this. myth of a man. "now i am here". like some goddamned god

"at a certain point there is a good chance he'll just decide to kill you than take your no for an answer" "he can try" anne loml loml loml

"now that we're here, it'd be so easy. and i don't wanna do it"

[looks at the camera] oh. i Love Infighting.

"someone who shared anne's mistrust of sentimentality" anne and charles bff's for REAL.....

oh fuck off fuck me, teach's memory of charles and that bird and what it might mean, "dinner" fuuuuck meeeeeeeeeeee this FUCKING gUY

max is so tired of this fucking situationnnn but she has some sense of moralityYYY oh my god this tangle of WEBSSSS

john just lost a friend in max :(

ep3 max's voice when she's angry... loml

"the empire survives in part because we believe its survival to be inevitable. but it isn't. and they know that. that's why they're so terrified of you and i" flint and madi bestfriendism arc begins Now

wait this occurred to me out of nowhere as jack is pondering about his future status and whether he's gonna be blackbeard's equal one day. oh are these daft bastards all doomed by the narrative. cuz of the history thing. idk  what happened in nassau, historically speaking, but is this whole entire endeavor gonna end Bad for them. oh no. OH NNNNO

madi YOUR EYES. OH THE TEARS

"do i need to run?" "that'd be fun for me to see. how would you do it?" "with great difficulty, i imagine"

this episode is paced and shot in the most . bizarre fucking manner. why does this look and feel like a relationship drama or a cheap version of one.

"i did not fail to do it. i refused to do it and would again"

teach offering that shithead rogers a tight lipped smile while he's captured. ok blackbeard you have rights

oh. oh they fucking killed. huh. teach is fucking dead, then. fuck rogers fuck him entirely what the fuck is this dudes deal

ep4 flint saying "our shared authority" like a . fucking confession. oh my God.

"a lot of them end up that way too. though i admire your optimism" AND THE WAY FLINT LOOKS AT HIM. THIS IS INSANE ON THE BRAIN

silver's personal vendetta against billy. <3 flint and silver sharing the mantle of Captain(tm) <33

"i think we all agree that it helps none of us to have those idiots armed to the teeth" "... yeaH"

this john billy flint + max conflict is so interesting. oh my god it's so . HM!!

"any man" "absolutely -- absolutely not" LET ANNE FIGHT FFS !!!!!

"anne get up" her hands. fully open. bleeding down to the bone now,

JACK JACK JACK MY BELOVED RACKHAM

"that i would have had to live with it" max is not a killer ohhh she's got the sensibilities of a human-person still when everyone else is ready to reign bloody murder upon anyone who crosses them ohhhhhhhhh

"do i need to be concerned that you took almost two hours to tell me about it?"

i know i know i know its about miranda (and thomas) but mostly miranda i know i know but fuck man fuuuuuuck when john tells flint that madi is the person who makes him the most vulnerable and flint is spacing out after it. dude. FUCK. but also uhhhhhh UHHHHHHH this could be. Bad❤️ flint is. NOT a good person. HHHHHHH

"wouldn't you trade it all to have thomas hamilton back again" HUUUUUUUUUH ? OH I DID NOT EXPECT US TO GO /HERE/ ACTUALLY

the way flint's face is twitching. sir toby stephens THANK YOU

"i suppose the good news is that's how we'll know we're finally getting somewhere interesting" AND THE SAD SMIRK AT THE END OFTHISSSS

fuck eleanor but the look she grants flint before the gate closes. damn.

eleanor i am sooooooo sick and tired of your shhhhit leave max ALONE <333333

ep5 eleanor's handmaiden lady is quite brave actually, to trust her word and go out to the wolves like this

billy is so. Baffled. this actor is really fun in this kinds of emotion

john trusts flint.... or at least. he is trying to convince billy that he does.....

ok this is Quite fucking fascinating actually. this Quarrel-type a beat between rogers and eleanor

i.... dont,,,, care for eleanor getting all emotional about madi and her mom and mr scott. dude. get real.

LOVE the way flint says "i'm not concerned" in regards to the change in plans (cache, and john)

sucha fucking powerful frame when flint and co. come from that tunnel and madi with her men are there <3

"HE just Said it."

"all it guarantees is we no longer have the cache that we all agreed was Critical" I LOVE THAT JACK IS SO. PRACTICAL AND SMART...

WHERES ANNE.

eleanor's commanding officer or whatever . his face when looking through the looking-glass and max asks him what he sees. priceless.

ep6 yes yes yes madi, stomp on those white girl feelings. FUCK eleanor

"'this deal'? as in the one in which you walk away with all My mOnEy?"

"i did not want this" :-(

"thats the power youve given me" oh, BILLY. YOU SHOT YOURSELF IN THE LEG WITH THIS CHOICE !!!

billy's vendetta against flint, wanting to see him dead...... silver asking him to stop it/be over it...............

max and jack, hm, not friendship necessarily. but the General Understanding between them. at times. yeah.

MAX AND ANNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"i loved you. and i betrayed you. but i cannot apologize for it" ... "and i do not wish to lie to you ever again" MAX. GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR VOICEEEEE

did madi just. fucking die.

oh. shit. did eleanor fucking die also.

everythings. COMING UP, FLINTHOUSE,

flint's face acting once again, now that he's telling silver about the. Hnghn. situation. oh god.

"anyone who can't make it to the beach, i want them carried. i'll not leave anyone behind"

"how can we all have sacrificed so much and none of us has anything to show for it?" oh i get it now i get it . max isthe fucking insightful oracle or smth like that of the series. she's always on all sides and on her own side, selfish and giving and caring and loyal and scheming. oh she. Oh She.

"... and the governor is sitting in Nassau in mY ffFFUcking chair, victorious !!!"

this spat jack and max are having. Oh Man. i revisit my earlier statement. I LOVE THEIR DYNAMIC????

"youre goddamn right i do"

"eleanor is dead, anne is nearly dead, and i want him to pay for all of it dearly" this is not the point but hoooooohhhhmy god if anyone suggests that this woman is bisexual rather than a lesbian im going to [choking noises. but humorously]

oh this shall be. Really Good. <- scene opens of silver lookng Fhucking worse for wear and red-teary-eyed. and flint's opening the captain's door

ep7 "she was curious and strong, not made to be hidden away from the world" THIS SUCKS. SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

flint asking "how are you" from silver...... hngnh. theres something so genuine in his voice in this. and in silver's eyes. oh fuck fuck fuck this

"they call you king, but only in the kingdom that is no more. we're all free men here, and i wish to Stay that way."

MAX FUCKING LOVES ANNE. LOOK AT THOSE LINGERING GLANCES FROM THE DOOR. FUCK!!!!!!!! FUCK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"you told her to fuck off. she listened" IM SO SAD

jack's funy little breakdown over the whatever-fees like. bruh. this is SO domestic

jack's got the energy of a single father of four, methinks.

"when i was drowning myself over miranda, you helped me find my way out. Look at me. I will do the same for you"

"charles vane was my closest friend in the world" bruh............. JACK....................... BRO!....................

eleanor's grandmother's actor hello hello hello. Hello

hyii vittuuUUU the dead eleanor having moved her gaze towards rogers in his minds eye eeewwwwWW CREEPS ME OUT

"they are strong when flint and silver are united, but separate the two of them, turn them against one another and their world collapses" JESSUS THE CODEPENDENCY THE ISSUES THE . WOW!!!!!!!!!!!

BITCH. BITCH ??????????????????????????? BGIHNTUTDBGJK H:)DFGFNK MADI IS ALIVE?????????????? FLINT WHAT DID YOU . DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think max is the only character in this show actually. thats what i think actually.

oh fuck Oh fuckkkk silver looks like a drowned cat when he realizes that flint and the queen are not... in favor of. getting madi ? oh goddddddddddddd

".. to divide us like this, i will not permit it,  MADI, would not permit it..."

flint is like. RIDE OR DIE. for silver rightnow about madi. i respect this i like this this feels like an insane person thing in its entirety this is so good to me

"when you and i are of the same mind there is nothing we have not yet been able to do" and then he kinda Smiles. at silver. flint youre Insane.

ROGERS CAN SUCK SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

madi is so fucking through with this shes angry and tired and powerful and everythign and she will also die fighting i Hope this iSnt Foreshadowing🙂

"i mean, how could you be someone who would do that?" aint that thefucking question

"i do it for us. thats how it started. thats how its going to end" DID JACK FUCKING RACKhAM JUST INVENT. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEE ? ?

"you'll. you know." "i will" bro they. they both love anne like crazy. they dont love each other they kinda despise/respect/pity each other but By Golly Gee God They Both Love This Woman and Will Put Aside All Arguments For Her SAKE

ISRAEL HANDS ARE YOU A LITTLE WEASEL BITCH IN THIS UNIVERSE ALSO!!!!!!!!!?????????

ep8 "right people ... to hold the world together while it finds its balance" "you think so much of what you and i can accomplish together -" "you and her." OH MY GOD????

"i think that you are the best of us" AND I THINK THAT THIS IS A LOVE CONFESSION. UNLESS????

a cold winter's niiiight. HEALING ONE'S WOUNDSSSSS. MAX AND ANNE!!!!!

oh the trust is so fuckingbroken. between max and anne. between silver and flint... jhessus the stare flint offers silver after the cache is revealed. FUCK.

ooooh the lady of the brothel and the lady in waiting and JACK JACK JACK

dads are. FIGHTING.

"but do not ask me to choose between a war, and a wife. i do not think youre going to like the answer"

"... but i demand your support. [...] do i have it?" [LONG ASS BEAT] "yes." HE SAID, YOU KNOW. !!!! LIKE A LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"but max refused" BUT MAX REFUSED. BUT MAX. REFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"she's a breath away from winning that fight. for whatever reason, she wants to share the spoils with you" IM GOING TO SPILL OVER IM GOING TO DROWN IN A PUDDLE IM GOING TO GNAW ON MY HANDBONES AND TURN INTO A FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no no no noNO NO NO!! SHES BEEN FIGHTING THIS WORLD EVERY DAY SINCE SHE WAS BORN!!! DO NOT!!! MARRY HER OFF!!!! TO SOME WHITE MALE DIMWIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

youre forcing her to sell herself again, to be someone else's to belong to someone who does not deserve her nor her affections, to hide behind a white man, im not angry at the show or the writers i am thrilled to witness this fiction but FOR FUCKSSSS SAKEEEEEE THE STORY OHMY GOD!!!!! SHE IS THE CENTRAL PIECE!!!! TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"that... is a Very oldman"

silver still making sure. that no one does harm to flint. he fucking trusts that man. oh i am in so So much danger

"it's a fucking mess out here, come inside" ANNE. YOU AND YOUR WAYS!!!

SHE SAID NO SHE SAID NO SHE SAID NO SHE SAID NO!!!!! I LOVE YOU MAX!!! DO NOT GIVE THEM AN INCH. GIRL YOURE MY EVERY.THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

"... because i refuse to situate a man in a position where he might interfere one day with my ability to repair things with you"

"you are the bravest ... the truest .... and i betrayed you [her voice breAKS] and it sickens me" IM IN THE FUCING TRENCHES.

"for failing to see there's nothing important that does not include you"

hey yo <3 the hurt and . tears in silver's eyes as he watches flint Fucking betray him. after everything. after all. burrowing mmy head in sand right now effective immediately. i hate this. I HATE THISSS. he's not gonna trust flint EVER again about ANYTHING, and flint is SO. he is SO GOING TO END UP LONELY FRIENDLESS ALL HIS CLOSEST COMPANIONS AND LOVERS AND PARTNERS  D E A D  BECAUSE THEY HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF EXISTING A HAIRS WIDTH TOO CLOSE TO HIM. HATE PREVAILS LOVE LOSES FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE

ep9 "after i just climbed that fucking hill are you being serious right now?" heh. COMEDY.

god the fucking. gentle grins and smirks they share . to let pride get between them... and then they did. let it get there. right. i hate this show (i LOVE THIS SHOW???)

TALKIONIG ABOUT. LEARNIGN HOW TO DEFEAT YOU . :) THE GENTLE SMIRKS CONTINUE OHMYGODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD THIS IS AGONIZING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"on his own and disadvantaged countless times since i've known him... and here we are"

"i wonder if he knows just how much youve learned from him" ENDME.

we dont know who silver is.

"i'd be forced to hesitate before doing you any harm" hes putting silver in the same line as thomas and miranda.

"no seriously ive got quite a lot riding on this" JACKKKK

is this fucking bitch rogers blaming . MADI. of all people for eleanor death im going to k*ll this man

OK FAIR THE KNITTING NEEDLES CLICKING ELEANOR'S GHOST THING IS PRETTY EFFECTIVE

"i must answer to them" and "MY war." madi. fuckingchrist girl.

"THAT. YOU did." MADI RIP HIM TO SHREEEDDSSSSSS

flint bodily regretting his choice of companion as this guy will not fkcing Shut UP.

FLINT STILL. idk if this is care or plotting. BUT HE DOESNT WANT TO PART FROM SILVER

"that is to say you know my genuine friendship, and loyalty" im. going. to . scream

"can that be enough and there still be trust between us?" IM. GOING TO. SCREAM!

irrelevant to everything going on but my god the way flint is build. i'd like to look like this man thanks! gender OUTTTA the wazoo

THE OLD MAN LEADING JACK JUST FUCKING . DIED????????? NATURAL CAUSES?????? WHY ARE JACK'S STORYLINES ALWAYS COMEDIES IM LOSING MY MIND

THE THREE "mm-hmm's" JESUS

if flint fucking kills joji right now i will not be a happy camper i swear

god fucking fuck.

"it would be preferable to me if we solved this another way" AND WHY DO I STILL BELIEVE HIM!!!!!

"i know you cannot see why this must be. but it must be"

LIKE WAIT A MOMENTTTT silver i love your drive and love for your wife its only right <3 but fooor fucksake madi MADI HERSELF. ON THE ENEMY SHIP. is ACTIVELY SPITTING IN ROGERS FACE AND SAYING yeah whatre you gonna do kill me do it coward AND SHES LOOKING FORWARDDDD. PLEASE GIVE HER THE COURTESY OF DOING THE SAME.

mr de groot. i fucking despise the english.

"i have his true friendship, and so he's going to have mine" bruh.

ep10 ok i said i wouldnt comment on the last ep as i was watching but here me out. i hate that theres no fondness between them, at least not the sort that you(as a watcher?) can Reliably trust upon. its all just politics and selfish wants and needs and the flotsam and dead bodies that happen around you as you strive towards your goal. i hate that i cant trust jack!! and that flint cant trust jack!! and silver cant trust either of them!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. : D MOTHERFUCKER ALRIGHT !

#särmäs sermons #literature ramble #on a very personal note regarding this whole six months. loved the feeling of engaging my soft mousse of a brain to actually ponder at #themes and . meanings and characters on a deeper level than comedy/etc shows might force you to do. this is Not A Dig at comedies. #brother i live and breathe comedies. but as previously stated this was like PROPER DRAMA. AND I (ME!!! THIS FUCKING DUNCE????) WATCHED IT #AND GOT SOMETHING OUT OF IT TOO!!!! #fuck this was fun. THIS WAS FUN. despite it alllll #a nothing post by yours truly once again 💖

[ozma914]

Crunching Letters to Synopsis Satisfaction

 I'm continually surprised that editors and agents in the publishing industry expect novelists to write short stuff, like query letters, outlines, and synopsis ... synopsis's ... synopsi? Just a sec.

(Huh. It's synopses. Who knew?)

Asking a novelist to write short is like asking a politician to spend less money; asking the Wicked Witch to be less cackle, um, cackle-y; asking me to skip dessert. My novel manuscripts tend to be short, but that doesn't make me freak out any less when I have to reduce it to a 1,000 word synopsis. My latest manuscript is 82,000 words: It's like taking a full size pickup truck and reducing it to Matchbox size with your bare hands.

Hey, I have this one! Wouldn't want to build the real thing from scratch.

Now imagine someone trying to write a synopsis for one of George R.R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire books, which are so big they're registered as lethal weapons. Seriously, even putting it on your Kindle adds two pounds. When I tried to read the newest one on the couch, I broke my hip. And the couch. Of course, no one would ask him to write a synopsis. In fact, he probably has an assistant that does nothing but write synopses ... seses ....

In theory the best way to write a synopsis is to write one paragraph for each chapter, then trim where necessary, as if it isn't going to be necessary. I tried other tactics. For instance, removing every "the"; putting into the synopsis only the third and fifteenth word of every page; and hiring George R.R. Martin's synopsis writer. None worked. (You wouldn't believe what that guy charges.)

So I looked the manuscript over again. While Martin's books are high fantasy, my newest story is apparently low fantasy, and yes, I'm aware of the possible jokes. That means it's set in our real world, but magical elements intrude into it; the best known example would probably by the Harry Potter series.

How low can you go? Well, you could have an entire school full of kids who could turn their parents into warthogs, for instance.

 My story, The Source Emerald, is about a young FBI agent on her first assignment, who tries to track down possible gem smugglers in upstate New York. Magic ... intrudes.

All I had to do is boil down her personality, the plot, the stakes, and the major supporting characters into 800-1000 words, or less than two pages. Or shorter, depending on who you ask. Oh, and in your own unique voice ... with plot twists ... and the ending ... I'm going to go lay down, now.

Okay, I'm back. Almost all authors hate writing a synopsis, and those who like it almost always turn out to be heavily addicted to something and/or certifiably insane. I don't have the exact statistics on that. All I know is that on my first whack at it, I spent half a page describing why my main character, Lilly, absolutely doesn't believe the little girl she encounters is Dorothy Gale, made famous in the Oz books. I had to reduce that to, like, four words.

"Dorothy is brunette, and a teenager, and not a princess, and it was all a dream, anyway. Stop pulling my leg--I've seen the movie."

In the final version the whole thing boiled down to: "Lilly doubts Dorothy's story."

It took me three days to come up with that sentence.

In reality I got the whole synopsis done in "just" a few days, not counting my nightmares of being chased by an editor with a sharp red pen. My first version was about 3,500 words, which really wasn't too shabby. My second was around 1,500--I was slashing words like a horror movie villain.

And then--finally--920 beautiful, short, on-point words. That's it. If you want a shorter synopsis from me, I'll just cut from the bottom and you'll never know the ending, pal! (Or lady, since most of the agents and editors I've queried have been female.)

But I did it. I'm relieved, and proud, and surprised, but mostly relieved.

Now I have to write a query letter.

Hm ... or maybe I should tackle a short story. What do you think?

Find all our books here:

http://markrhunter.com/ https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

#writing #On writing #oz #wizard of oz #synopsis #humor #fiction writing #writing community

[hawkinshighdropout]

Good Morning! 💚

I've just realised I don't actually know what timezone you're in? I'm GMT, UK so it's almost 9am here. It's freaking sweltering! I live in a flat and we seem to get no air up here 🥵 BUT we're in the process of buying a house so hopefully we'll be moving in September all being well 🤞

I'm 32 in September and I definitely haven't accepted that I'm in even in my 30's 😂

Thank you 😳 he's honestly the sweetest little boy! He turns 3 soon and I can't believe it! His favourite things are lining up his blocks or organising them by colour.

I am SO behind on the Shadowhunter books! The last ones I read were The Dark Artifices and there are so many more now! I definitely want to catch up though. And also I'm tempted to rewatch Shadowhunters...my main complaint about the show is that they did Ragnor dirty 😒 was not impressed! How caught up are you with the books?? Maybe we'll both renew a hyperfixation 🤣

Oh god this whole Eddie thing is insane and I'm here for it. I didn't expect it but I'm not complaining.

"You're a whole mood tbh" made me laugh, love it! And that's exactly it! I am fully ghosting all my books right now. Earlier this year I was reading EVERYTHING, I lived at the library and devoured so many books. But then I suddenly couldn't get into anything and anything I did manage to read was disappointing. So here I am, ghosting them all! What type of books do you read?

I've just finished rewatching all of Gilmore Girls, I'm now on the last episode of A Year In The Life which has it's faults and is less of a vibe but still good. I need to find something else to watch once I'm finished! Any suggestions, I've just got Netflix!

I'm currently working on part 3 of my series. It's called Happy Birthday and is very fluffy 😂 I've got a few more in the works that I'm excited to write, even a smutty one which I'm nervous about as I've never written smut before!

My novel is a full on thing. I've written out the plan entirely but actually sitting down and writing is a whole thing. It's basically a love story, grumpy x sunshine vibes set mostly in a B&B by the seaside. It's a slowburn with some long distance elements while they get to know each other and fall in love. There's also a mismatched cast of other B&B visitors with their own little stories 😂 I'm excited to write it but it's a lot!

Omg so I'm a rambler in text but I'm very shy and awkward in person until I get to know someone, then all bets are off!

💚

Hiya! We are in the same timezone as me, I’m also from the UK! I just had work all day and then boring adult stuff to tend to but now I’m here and ready to pester you! How was your day?! I hope your flat cooled down so you weren’t sweating all day long, congrats on the house :D

32 isn’t old, so don’t even worry yourself with that 😊 Your kid sounds like me, I did that throughout my childhood into my adulthood and mum just went “aw that’s quirky,” but even after getting diagnosed she just thinks it’s for fun rather than because my brain needs things in certain ways, ugh.

The last ones I read were either the throwback ones in London (idk what they’re called, I could google them or even just look at my shelf next to me but I cba!!) or the City of Fallen Angels, I can’t remember. I have literally every book in the collection except one, but I need to read the rest oops? How did the show do Ragnor dirty?

Idk how we can binge read like every Eddie fanfic ever but the thought of picking up a book is just too much effort right now, we are broken by his grip hahahh. I normally read fantasy things cause I don’t wanna be thinking about the real world for longer than I have to, oops?

I’ll have to think of something to suggest for you on Netflix, I’m more of a Disney+ person myself but I always rewatch the same handful of shows tbh..

I’m excited to read this!! Good luck writing the smut, I cringe whenever I write it cause it just doesn’t feel natural to me. So I end up speeding through it and focusing more on the fluff cause I can’t be dealing with the cringe language people use for sex stuff.

Grumpy x sunshine vibes are a staple, that’s so great!! Can’t get enough grumpy and sunshine couples in stories, they are just so stinking cute ☹ good luck with your book, I hope you have a blast writing it!

Join the gang! <3

#sweetpeapod #answered

[evilesbiautism]

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III from the HTTYD franchise is autistic!

(suggested by @oblivionaddict )

#i own almost every book from this series too... it got insane #also i never realized he was 15 in the first movie? thank god. he looks it. thats how 15 year olds are theyre silly and gangly #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic #autistic characters #autistic headcanons #autistic pride #autism pride flag #your fave is autistic #httyd #how to train your dragon #httyd hiccup #hiccup #Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Athena

So. I have to deal with the virgin goddesses… By mythos, there really shouldn't ever be children of Artemis, Hestia, or Athena (yes, Athena was a virgin goddess). PJ got past that by making it canon that Annabeth and her siblings were born from cracking open Athena's skull (yes, that's also more or less the canon explanation). They gloss over it real quick but I remember, Rick. I've always remembered and that mental image has haunted me for years...

I can't, in good conscience, ignore the history around Athena's worship (call it an academic restraint) but I REFUSE to do the skull thing. So, since I make the rules here, I'm going with magic adoption. They still get magic powers, they're just more human than demigod. Cool? Cool.

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus, Demeter, Athena

Lucifer

The human that popped out of the portal seemed to have enough sense not to attack everyone in the room for a change, but even Lucifer could tell that was more of a strategic choice than for lack of ability...

Their very existence was highly unusual… and quite worrisome. He wasn't even aware Athena could have "children" of her own, but apparently she had been taking in some particularly bright humans to raise and train like her own...

Unbeknownst to him, a surprising amount of human scholars, diplomats, and generals have her to thank for their trade… and that alone should speak to the level of intrigue at play here. 

Was this an accident or Athena's attempt to plant an Olympian spy in the Devildom too…? Either way, he didn't trust them from the get go…

Look, Lucifer isn’t stupid. Athena is a goddess of Wisdom and War and war happens on more than just the battlefield… 

Since they've shown up records have been going missing, official documents keep getting misplaced, and he swears that there's some kind of bug in the student council room...!

It's infuriating watching the MC suck up to Diavolo when he's almost certain that they're running their own agenda behind the scenes! And he can't prove any of it!! They cover their tracks too well!

Lucifer has one of those corkboards covered in newspapers and string in a secret wing of the Castle - 100% dedicated to just tracking the MC's activities…. The longer they're there, the more obsessed he becomes...

He swears between Simeon, Solomon, and MC he feels like a shepherd wondering why the sheep are growling… The Devildom has never been in more danger than it is right now... Send help.

Mammon

To be honest, he kind of thought that they were just going to be Satan 2.0 but that's not really true.

They're more than just a book sponge! Though they do read, like a lot. Let’s just say from one schemer to another… Game recognizes Game.

They come up with plans and ideas soooo fast, it’s insane! Honestly, there are times where he has a new money-making plot and he just brings it to the MC first to run it over. 

Nine times out of ten, not only do they sniff out any problems but they have a solution for him in a matter of minutes! His scheme game has been on point since they’ve shown up!!

They’re also even better tutoring than Satan is, so he’s even managed to get a couple A’s for the first time in his life! Lucifer actually told him he was proud (which he secretly recorded and now uses as a ringtone much to his brother’s regret...)

So yeah, he likes them... buuut that doesn’t keep him from thinking they act a little weird sometimes... 

Mammon: *points to a unused tower close to the RAD building* Over there is the Tower of Sorrow. We use it for storage.

MC: Ah. Interesting… *starts writing in a notebook, muttering* It may need a few minor tweaks but the location is defensible...

Mammon: *stops* Ya say somethin’?

MC: *looks back up* Nope! Say, you’ve been to the Castle a lot haven’t you? Do you know any good ways in?

Mammon: Uhm… Why do ya want to know that…? *starts looking around for Lucifer*

MC: In case of emergencies. I like being prepared. 🙂

Mammon: Look, I don’t know what Lucifer might’a told ya…

MC: I’ll pay you a thousand Grimm for it.

Mammon: Well shit, ya want those maps with or without color?

... Yeeeah, that’s pretty weird… But it’s probably fine. I mean, as long as they keep giving him money, who’s he to complain? 🤷‍♀️

Leviathan

Also thought that they’d be a lot more like Satan but was pleasantly surprised that they were into more than books.

What else did they like exactly? Military strategy!!

It’s been a looong time since he’s been able to talk to someone who’s actually interested in all the battles he’s fought, both in the Celestial Realm and the Devildom, and their curiosity is kind of flattering...! Not a lot of people take his strategic prowess all that seriously anymore...

Plus, they are the BEST partner to have any turn-based strategy game. Hands down. He once got stuck on a level of D-COM for weeks until the MC walked in and mopped the floor with the AI!! They have a serious head for probability and tactics.

The House once made the mistake of letting these two be on the same team during a Hell Game and they absolutely demolished the competition. Mammon didn’t even get a single shot off before half his team was lost to a rigged paint grenade… It took a whole day to clean up… 

However, Levi’s also noticed some odd things about the human… He likes that they’re interested in his past but maybe they’re a little… too interested?

Levi: -and that’s how we defeated the Four Horsemen before they escaped from Purgatory. 

MC: Wow, Levi that’s seriously impressive!! *furiously scribbling on a notebook*

Levi: Well t-thanks… 😅 But, uhm... are you writing that down…?

MC: Hm? Oh no, just doodling. *they lift up the notebook to show a bunch of cute little sketches on the page… and not the magic-based invisible ink all over them…*

Levi: Oh you draw too? Can you do fanart???

MC: Eh, sometimes. But say Levi, can you tell me about your naval ranks again? I’m still really curious… *gets the pen ready again with a smile*

Satan

Oh, it's been a long game of cat-and-mouse between these two… and unfortunately, it’s been pretty addicting too.

He honestly had every intention of tricking the human into making a huge mess do he could bother Lucifer, but at every turn they proved just a hair too clever for him...

He once gave them a cursed book to “lend” to Lucifer, but they saw through it the moment they touched it and lifted the spell before handing it over.

He rigged a podium to spray glitter during one of Lucifer's speeches but the MC disconnected the trigger mic before he even got on stage. It was pretty dang frustrating...

At one point he got so desperate that, just as a test, he tried to trap them in the House's Music Room. Fortunately for them, it only took a few minutes to work out an escape. They even passed by him in the hallway with a wink!

It's confounding! It's infuriating!! 

...and it's so damn sexy... He should be furious but he’s just in awe!!

Add on that they know their art, literature, and multiple different crafts thanks to the tutelage of their adopted mother and that’s it. He’s finished. This boy is in love.

Truthfully though, a part of him is 90% sure that they’re also gathering state secrets… Like, they’re watching Barbs and Diavolo far too close for comfort - but he just can't bring himself to care. 🤷‍♀️

The MC could walk into his room one day and say, "Hey, do you want to help overthrow the monarchy with me?" and he dreads it because deep down he knows that he wouldn’t say no…

Take some notes, kids. Some bad influences get you to drink or do drugs. Others pull you into a centuries long conspiracy to destabilize and topple rival realms from within… But he has fallen for their brain hard. Devil help them all…

Asmodeus 

They’re pretty clever, he’ll give them that, but uh… Are they a little off to anybody else?

Asmo is a charmer by birthright so he has a bit of nose for when someone’s just a liiittttle too nice… Not much of a nose mind you, because he can be thrown off by compliments himself, but enough to think that the MC might be a little too… “kind” for their own good...

First off, who wants to spend that much time with Levi?? They don’t even seem that interested in anime! They just keeping asking him for old war stories…

Then all the sucking up they do to Diavolo and Barbatos? Look, he gets it. Diavolo is a delicious piece of man-hunk and his butler could give him a lesson or two in sweet-talk (and he has), but they seem to be just a little too… nosy.

Of course, Asmo’s suspicions disappear pretty quickly after they start to spoil him with spa nights and beauty secrets they picked up from “casual research” into the subject.

And you know, get a little Demonus in Asmo and start massaging his back? Oh, sweetie he’ll sing like a bird!! … with gossip. Singing with gossip.

Asmo: So I’ve heard that Lucifer has been spending more time at RAD than usual… His whole club is talking about it, they think he’s meeting with some witch!

MC: Hm, is that so? *works on a knot near his shoulder blades* What do you think?

Asmo: Ooh~! Right there, MC! *purrs and lays his head on his arms* Well come on, this is Lucifer we’re talking about! I’m sure he’s just working.

Asmo: Hmm... though come to think of it, I think I heard him asking Barbatos for the spare keys to the Tower of Sorrow…

MC: Oh really? Huh. *works out the knot and gets up* I just remembered that I left some papers with Satan... I’ll be right back.

Asmo: You’re going already??

MC: *waves him off quickly* I’ll be right back, Asmo. *hurries out the door to do totally on-the-up-and-up things… surely*

Beelzebub 

Honestly he doesn't like this one… But not for the reasons you'd expect.

He agrees with everyone else that they seem a little shady, but Solomon and Simeon are too so it's not like that's anything new... 🤷‍♀️

No, no. He dislikes them because they're the person who FINALLY figured out how to keep him from eating all the food in the kitchen!!

Turns out that the trick was to put a teleportation charm on the fridge door that would send all the food away if it’s opened after a certain time of night… 

And where does it go? The Purgatory Hall fridge. And where does the Purgatory Hall food go…? The HoL fridge…

It doesn’t sound so bad until you remember that it means half of their fridge is now Solomon’s leftovers…. 🤢

After they put the same kind of spell on the pantry, it was all over… He couldn't get midnight snacks from the House anymore… Everything was contaminated by Solomon…

The MC is a nice enough person, he doesn’t have a lot of complaints about them, but he wants them to leave. Now. This is inexcusable… He’s so hungry… and he doesn’t want to die by “goulash” or whatever Solomon calls his latest culinary catastrophe… He’s still too young for death… 😓

Belphegor 

In a way, he absolutely could not have asked for a better person to help him get out of that attic.

… In another way, he got one of the worst possible people to try and kill... Like. They saw through his scheme sooo fast…

How was he supposed to know that the human had training in body language and sniffing out lies???

Getting the door open was a piece of cake for them. They knew enough magic to undo the seals and just rummaged around Lucifer's stuff long enough to find the key to the door. He could not have found a more competent individual for a break out, really.

It’s just… well he didn’t expect to go from locked in a room like a prisoner to tied up in enchanted rope, still like a prisoner but now mobile. 😑 

They even used his own hug ruse against him! They caught his wrists when they got close and tied him up before he could shake them off...

Admittedly, it wasn't exactly the best look for them either - what with walking Belphegor downstairs to the others like a one-man-prison-caravan but they're as silver-tongued as they are sly so they talked their way out of it beautifully… 

And like hell was he going to trust them after that!! And not even Beel liked them so something had to be up...

Well, you want a detective? Look no farther than Belphie (no seriously, it’s in the canon). He can put things together pretty fast when he puts his mind to it and watching the MC for a while gave him enough proof to work off of...

He always knew that, humans were bad news and the MC just proved it to him all over again. They are bad news, bad bad news and they’re going to-!

Overthrow… Diavolo…? Is that what he is getting from them…? Huh…

Wait a second, MC. You might just have him interested… 😏

#you say athena mc is smart #i say athena mc is spy #because where better to use your smarts #in war #obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me demigods

[captainsimagines]

Loved the epilogue! Was gonna request a Drabble with their first I love you but you already covered it :) 🥰 sooo can I maybe request a drabble for warmth of winter maybe their first vacation together? Or first Christmas as a couple? Or both 😂

✨ Drabble ✨

DBF! Bucky Barnes x (Fem) Reader

Based on: The Warmth of Winter Series (First Vacation)

Word Count: 875

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~

“Sunscreen! Your thighs are fucking raw! Listen to me, Clint!”

It’s insane. He just won’t listen. He’s complaining every single fucking second but he won’t take the goddamn sunscreen. You tried throwing it to him in a last attempt, but he just side-stepped and flicked you off with both hands.

“You want me to smack his thighs later?”

Your eyes narrow at Bucky, who’s comfortably leaning on his beach chair with a book in his hand. It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover. He’s reading one of the most heartbreaking books you’ve ever read in the middle of a summer vacation, surrounded by drinks and friends and ocean. But you know him—he hasn’t turned the page since that first scene. The first of many. He’s acting tough.

He still doesn’t turn the page as he asks you that ridiculous question.

“Let me remind him one more time. If he refuses me, I’ll smack the shit out of him.”

“I don’t want you smacking other guys.”

“I don’t want you smacking other guys.”

Bucky scrunches his nose. “Touché.”

You roll your eyes again and turn to the scene before you. Clint has abandoned his sandcastle to pick up a rogue Wanda, floppily carrying her to the ocean. She’s screaming and Pietro is recording it all.

On the other side, Sam and your dad are enjoying their beers and talking about the stock market or something. They look boring so they must be talking about something boring.

“You want to go into the ocean?”

You shake your head and scoff, “Clint’s thighs are about to bleed. He’ll attract sharks, no doubt.”

Bucky bursts out laughing. He looks so beautiful lying there. He removed his arm before coming on the trip. He dons a colorful wrap around his shoulder.

He finally bookmarks the page he isn’t turning and places the book on the nearby table. The Puerto Vallarta sun really does this man justice. He gets freckles when he’s tan. His hair looks extra shiny, too. It’s short again, curls on top and delectably tuggable.

“How about the pool then?”

You glance behind you and find the hotel pool abandoned. It’s a nice day and the ocean is perfectly warm. Of course people are enjoying the real water more than the chlorine. But it’s too good to pass up.

“Stare at my ass as I walk away,” you wink, standing from your chair and taking your piña colada with you. Bucky follows orders perfectly.

Your first vacation together as a couple is a sex-filled, tanned and buzzed, absolute dream. You’ve got your own room, your family is here—what more could you possibly need? You’ve shot back about ten piña colada’s in the last two days. But the drinks are usually accompanied by a plate of tacos or tempura shrimp so they don’t really count as a lot.

Bucky is… Bucky is… The word perfect seems like a dull word to describe Bucky Barnes. The way he ignites the nerves beneath your skin, the way you almost tear up by how beautiful he looks in the mornings, the way his voice swims through your veins like your own blood. Other-worldly, then. Bucky is other-worldly.

Even that doesn’t do him justice.

Bucky follows close behind you. You walk up the few steps it takes to the hotel gates, showing your wristband to the security. They let you in with a tip of their heads. You abandon your drink on a random table.

“Think the water is just as warm as the oc—?”

You splash into the deep end in the most dramatic fashion. You don’t even have time to suck in a breath before you do. Swimming to the surface, you splash your arms up.

“Bucky!”

Bucky’s choking on his laugh, clutching his stomach through heavy gasps of air.

“I think,” you say, surprisingly calm. You lift a hand in the air and pinch your fingers together. “I’ve gone full Gone Girl. Perhaps murder is justifiable.”

“Please try to kill me, kid. I’d like to see you try.”

You squint at him. “The jungle is literally right outside the hotel doors. Don’t tempt me.”

Bucky grins, biting his bottom lip. “I love you.”

“Mm,” you mumble, dipping under the water to relieve your forehead from the sun. You really should reapply. “You getting in or what?”

“I like lookin’ at ya.”

Clichés seem to always follow you two. Time stands still, there was no one else on earth but you two, yada yada yada. Now you’re sharing “fuck me” eyes while you’re floating and kicking your legs in the water.

“Cannonball!”

Clint lands beside you before you have time to react. So do Pietro and Wanda. The splashes startle you so much they have you screaming.

A fourth splash erupts close by, then Bucky emerges spitting water.

“How are your thighs, Clint?” Bucky asks, still grinning at you.

“Oh, fucking chafed to the west side of Hell, thanks for asking!”

You and Bucky spend all night taking turns rubbing lotion and baby powder on Clint. Two more piña coladas arrive with room service. Neither you or Bucky can stop smiling because of how ridiculous your lives are. You hope it stays that way: wonderful and ridiculously real.

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#captainsimagines #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #avengers x reader #by moni #marvel fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #the warmth of winter series #fluffy cute drabble #Drabble asks #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes drabble #drabble

[grain-my-beloved]

Yknow what? I'd actually go so far as to say that, as much as ive seen it complained about, it's actually pretty hard to "UwU" or "Woobify" Grian within the context of yhs.

I mean. It's possible if you go really extreme with it, but it's hard.

Grian at his core is actually a primarily decent person most of the timeand is a primarily innocent party in most things. One who goes through a Lot.

If you really think about it Grian's moral compass isn't too far off normal basic human morality. He's often anxious and hesitant when faced with any involvement in criminal activity, he's frequently dismayed and offput by suggestions of violence (the less deserved the more dismay is expressed as well), he's disappointed and frustrated at seeing the people around him do fucked up things, he's almost always polite with a good head on his shoulders when faced with a kind or reasonable person. Even well into ts, long after first coming back to Japan, Grian is still incredibly uneasy and fidgety with the suggestion that he take part in violence, I mean, remember that time he, Taurtis, and Sam were tasked with killing Geode and Grian not only initially tried to refuse outright but then checked in shakily with the other two multiple times just to confirm if they were really going to kill someone. Grian's typically the character most likely in the entire series to be incredibly put off by and very hesitant about doing bad things (especially to people he's not one million percent certain deserve it).

And while one could argue that we can't really praise his moral compass for being hesitant about involving himself in crime/wrongdoing when he often ends up participating anyways. Actions speak louder than words and all. However I disagree. The fact that Grian vocally does not wish to be involved in this kind of thing and has proven to behave on the more reasonable and polite side when acting independently in relation to likewise level headed people....is Very important. In fact, in actual legal cases, oftentimes a factor in trying individuals is the question of whether they would commit the crime in question indepently or under normal circumstances. This is the basis for necessity, duress, and insanity pleas, amoung other's. People who would not act the way they did in a certain scenario under normal circumstances are often liable to be judged favourably in their actions. In fact, speaking of duress pleas, Grian's got a pretty solid one for a lot of his actions. The times Sam or Yuki held a knife to his throat or the times police threatened to kill him if he doesn't comply with orders or any alike incidents. In cases where duress isn't applicable to Grian's behaviour there are oftentimes incidents in which an outright case for violence in self defense can be made. In fact, most of Grian's circumstances leave him very viable to be judged sympathetically on a legal standpoint. The fact that he was a minor, the fact that he had no apparent history of violence or crime, the fact that he was in a severely abusive relationship with a criminal and entering said relationship marked the start of any sort of criminal behaviour from Grian, any criminal behaviour from Grian always being in a group setting never lead by himself, the fact that he always clearly and openly protests when pulled into these group settings, the duress and self defense pleas that are applicable to pretty much all incidents in which he does engage. Which are also all factors that can and should be accounted for on. a moral basis as well, obviously. And like, Grian has a reputation for being arrogant, cynical, and rude or whatever, but he's really not. He very rightfully calls out other people's horrible bullshit and makes snappy remarks towards his abuser but that's the opposite of a problem and Grian's proven himself more than capable of reasonable civility towards reasonable people. Grian just isn't the selfish arrogant disrespectful criminal that he's sometimes implied to be and in fact he's largely innocent- or absolvable, if you'd rather- in most of the things levied against him. Grian's not a literal saint giving to the needy and taking care of orphans in his spare time but he's a decent guy overall???

And hey, speaking of that super abusive relationship Grian landed in. Let's not forget the impact of that situation. Sam was undoubtedly abusive towards Grian. He threatened Grian's life various times, he basically told Grian he was nothing compared to Taurtis, he shoved plastic down Grian's throat and laughed when he choked, he got Grian locked up in solitary confinement through complete lies just because he thought it'd be entertaining I guess, he forced Grian to kiss an abnormally large amount of people against his will (some of these instances sam recorded despite being asked not to), he himself tried to make out with Grian without consent while Grian was sleeping in his own private room, he forcefully dressed Grian up in feminine cosplay meant to be ~attractive~ complete with fake breasts, he lied to Grian about the gender identity of someone Grian dated as a joke (his words) and lightly mocked Grian afterwards, he locked Grian in a basement for three days straight and it's unclear whether or not he was planning to let him out anytime soon, he dragged Grian into a closet with school staff despite Grian's very vocal distress and discomfort then scolded Grian for considering reported it when this staff member made uncomfortable comments on the outfit Sam had forced Grian into, Sam offered to give Grian to another guy who made a similar uncomfortable comment later on as part of some trade, he consistently dragged Grian against his will into criminal activity whether by threatening him, tricking him into participating, or just altogether falsely implicatng him, amoung Many other things. And every step of the way Sam did his best to completely gaslight Grian. He used every gaslighting technique in the book. Telling blatant lies (for example, "i would never stab taurtis", "you are taurtis", "grian's crazy and he stabbed taurtis"), he denies doing shit to Grian that Grian knows damn well he did ("i would never stab taurtis"). He hard projected his bs onto Grian (from blaming grian for 'making' sam do awful shit sam did to claiming grian actually fullstop did the awful shit sam did). He was just constantly trying to turn people against Grian (convincing yuki and taurtis to back him up in calling grian a bad manipulative friend and insisting he needed to apologize for 'making' sam horrifically abuse him. arriving in the police station and instantly without hesitation telling them grian was crazy and dangerous and pinning his own crimes on grian. having taurtis back him up and help scold grian for getting mad about being locked in the basement for days). Telling Grian he's crazy (taurtis incident again, solitary confinement incident, the time sam kissed grian without his consent while he slept and grian got mad). Telling everyone else that Grian's a manipulative liar (taurtis incident again, solitary confinement incident again). Yknow. Gaslighting. Sam was just so unbelievably abusive. In like. Every possible way. Which adds a LOT of trauma to Grian. That on top of his parents abandoning him as a little kid too because we couldn't leave it at severe abuse.

Grian's not a bad person. And he's certainly a very sympathetic person. Which is why it would be hard to woobify yhs Grian. It would be hard to make a very sympathetic very sad character egregiously sympathetic and sad. His whole arc is getting abandoned by his parents, going to visit his friends, and getting violently abused and forced into a multitude of disturbing activities against his will for an extended period of time.

One could argue that sure Grian isn't a bad person and sure Grian's got a pretty sad life, but certainly a lot of people are guilty of making Grian more helpless and scared and generally 'pathetic' than he is in canon.

To which I reply...not really?

Grian already doesn't have half the fight response people ascribe to him throughout the series. That was a whole other post but honestly Grian's response to traumatic situations is very frequently to cave to them and he's got a much stronger submissive streak than people often admit. I mean, Grian was asked to dress up as his best friend who just got stabbed "to make things less awkward and make me feel better" and he did it within ten seconds of being asked without the others even needing to threaten him at all. Grian does express quite a bit of despair, fear, and submissive tendency in canon when faced with dangerous or traumatic situations. And while it's possible to go a bit too far with that if you consistently leave out the token fight entirely, I see people swing way too far un the opposite direction way too often. There's a reason Grian never actually killed Sam in canon. There's a reason Grian never made a serious attempt to get him arrested for his crimes. There's a reason Grian never just left. When Sam found Grian after he ran out of the gym during the Taurtis incident? Grian didn't lunge for Sam. There was no serious altercation between the two. Grian scrambled back and tearfully babbled platitudes while shoving plastic down his own throat on command. And even beyond that, a lot of the interpretations accused of making Grian too helpless/scared/'pathetic' are works that involve Grian processing trauma years after the fact. Which. Even if Grian was the most aggressive on edge fighter in the history of trauma responses during the traumatic events? People don't process their trauma after the fact the same way they instinctively respond in the moment. Even if Grian never shed a tear throughout any of the traumatic ordeals he experienced, it would be far from unrealistic behaviour for him to still process after the fact by panicking and sobbing his eyes out regularly. Which, again, Grian wasn't even all that fight oriented while it was happening so panic and tears isn't even super far removed from his actual in the moment responses let alone processing after-responses. It's just. It's really hard to "UwU" Grian tbh. He's a decent person, he went through hell (his own words actually), and he was never even really very effectively aggressive when he did. And while it's possible to dip too far into that territory, far more often I see things swung egregiously far in the other direction.

#yhs #yandere highschool #yhs grian

[rrickgrrimes8]

hi! i was thinking if you could write an imagine of reader being rick and lori's daughter and sister to carl, rj and judith. i don't have a specific idea in mind, but just her before and after the time jump, struggling with being there when lori and carl died, and looking for rick with daryl, her relationship with her siblings and michonne, maybe maggie and hershel too (i was thinking since carl was 10 when it all started, she was 7 so now she's 17) thank you so much, and btw i loved your imagines i've read so far 💞

Being a Grimes ~ Rick Grimes x Grimes!reader

thank you so much for requesting i really enjoyed making this one. i also have a series kinda like this about Jacey Grimes which i’m currently making a book two for.

warnings: alluding to sexual assault or rape, suicide, death, gore (lemme know if i’ve missed anything off here)

sorry if there is any mistakes please tell if there is and give me feedback i’d love to here back from yall

masterlist

request guidelines

request are open

It was strange for y/n. This world would be strange for anyone really. But she was different. At only a mere 7 years old when the world went to shit she struggled as did many others. With the recent loss of her father - one she didn't entirely understand - still protruding through her heart, it was hard - so hard. 

When it happened she was at daycare. The teaching assistant tried and successfully ate the teacher in front of her. She was next and was so close to being eaten until Shane rushed in. He kicked Ms Twune and grabbed y/n. Her mom sobbed at the sight of her, covered in blood and the tears smothering her daughters face. Carl was shocked too. He wanted nothing more than to protect his little sister. His dad always used to tell him that that was his duty - his job. And he hated how he had failed in this moment. 

They made it to the quarry soon after. Y/n thought the group was nice - well mostly. The Dixon brothers scared her was what she told her brother or any of the children she had befriended. But she was lying. Yes, she was scared but only of Merle. He was creepy and mean to anyone he saw. Daryl was somewhat the same but he always found himself being nicer to the young child. And often kept her company when Lori and Shane went for a ‘walk’ in the woods. Glenn was another she found herself drawn to. He unlike Daryl happily invited her company. Glenn was sweet and funny. He never failed at making her laugh till she felt like she was going to pee. They were good friends which came to a fault when he had to go on runs. She’d scream and cry and refuse to let go of him because she was afraid that what happened to her father would happen to him. 

That’s what happened earlier that morning. Glenn and a few others were going into Atlanta, despite her dismay. Glenn assured her he’d be fine, which she didn't believe and continued her tantrum. 

“Can yer’ shut that damn baby up?” Merle spat covering his ears. 

Shane shot him a threatening glare while Glenn stayed preoccupied with the distraught girl. “Hey, it's okay. I’m coming back,” He insisted holding her tightly at his hip, “I promise you, sweet girl.” 

“No, b-b-but dada promise too a-a-and h-he,” She stopped herself, sobs erupting from her small body. 

“I know sweet girl, I know. But I’ll be back I know I will.” Glenn placed her on the back of the RV, “I tell you what I’ll bring you back some of your favourite sweeties, huh? Would you like that?” 

Giddily she nodded at his proposition, “Yes! Yes!” 

“Alright, then I’ll bring back some for you, okay?” She nodded smiling cheerfully, “I love you, kid.” 

“I luv you too, dumbass,” y/n giggled. 

Glenn looked around cautiously hoping no one heard that “Hey sweet girl you can't say that.” 

“W-what? Why?” the child began to cry again, “Y-y-you say it.” 

“I know b-but its adult words okay? Not y/n words. When you're older, alright?” She nodded her head again kissing his cheeks softly and hugging him. “Thank you, sweet girl. I’ll see you soon,” He kissed the top of her head and started towards the car smiling as she shouted, “With sweeties!”

The group returned hours later bearing a new man instead of Merle. Y/n waited patiently for Glenn and the aforementioned sweets. "Gen!" She screamed happily still unable to say his name fully. The man sprinted over to her, pulling her into a much-needed cuddle after the day he had. 

"It's Glenn, sweetheart," He chuckled while correcting. 

"Oh sorry Gen," She wrapped her dainty arms around his neck. 

"That's okay, sweet girl. I missed you." 

"I missed you too," She whispered before letting out a longwinded 'ew', "You stinky, Gen." 

The man smelt his shirt and nodded as the potent smell of walkers reached his nose. "I know yucky right?" 

"Yucky!" Y/n buried her face in Glenn's shirt ignoring the stench and just enjoying his company. She always became clingy like this after coming home from a run. He loved it. On runs, if he ever encountered a life-threatening situation - like the one today - he always finds himself realising how much she means to him. Glenn saw her as a little sister - one almost replacing the ones that were cruely ripped from him when this began. 

"How was it?" She inquired. 

"Not fun, sweet girl. But I got your sweeties and a nice man helped us out. Saved us," She beamed. 

"I like the good man. I'll give him two kisses when I see him. Maybe even one of my sweeties," Glenn chuckled. 

"Why two kisses, y/n?" 

"One for saving you. Two for bringing you hom," Glenn grinned contently and kissed her forehead. 

"Its home bubs with an e on the end." 

"Oh," She mumbled burying herself again. 

"Oh my God," Someone muttered as they exited the van. 

"Dad! Dad!" Carl screamed causing Glenn to snap his head in their direction. Carl came running towards the man, Rick, who had saved them in Atlanta. Y/n hadn't moved yet as she feared it was only a dream. That her dada wasn't really here. 

"Sweet girl," He pulled her out of his neck, "Look it's your dad." The child gazed over to where her brother had run to. Sure enough, it was her dad. He held Carl as he cried, looking to Y/n wanting to hold her too. 

"Dada!" She screamed jumping out of Glenn's arms dangerously. The girl scraped her knee on the way down but continued throwing herself into the hug. 

"Oh, Carl! Y/n!" She kissed all over his face childishly, "I luv you, dada." 

"I love you too, baby girl."

~

The years hadn't been kind to Y/n. She lost so much. Too much in fact that it had driven her to the depts of insanity and made her do things to herself, to others that she more than resented. The first loss was her mothers. She wasn't there like Carl was but the grief burned through her still. Y/n was too young to understand it really. Just how she was when Rick supposedly died. Y/n couldn't understand where her mom had gone she just knew she had a little sister now. One she swore to protect. 

She thought she had failed that when the prison fell. The young child was on her own. Injured and lost. She wandered through the woods for days until she stumbled across a group. The group were mean and despite her resistance wouldn't let her go. They hurt her in ways she didn't and wouldn't speak of it even now. But that all changed when Daryl showed up. He protected her - stopped them from hurting her. And eventually led her back to her family. Where for the first time she began to fear her father. 

Terminus was next. The people there snatched her from her family. She was forced to watch from afar as they were guided into the crate. Rick fought against them, Carl too but it was to no use. They had sectioned her off in a playroom. Every once in a while an older woman came in to fed and played with her. She hated it. Being in this world for more than a year now she knew that people like them didn't just want to play even if she did. She learnt that from the Claimers. 

Carol found her. Although having never have been all that close to the older woman - the only relation being the closeness between y/n and Sophia - seeing her after so long made her cry out of joy. Carol was happy too as she rushed out of that place to take her to safety. The pair ended up in the woods. Carol had stopped a moment ago to clean the dirt from her face, "lemme help." 

The girl sat up from where she was put down and cupped some water splashing it on Carol's face. Carol flinched as the water hit her, "Uh thank you." 

"Welcome," She looked away getting distracted by the nearing sound of footsteps. 

"Get behind me, y/n," Carol ordered to which she shook her head. 

"No it dada," She ran away from the woman and towards the group. 

"Y/n come back here!" Y/n continued ignoring Carols pleas and crashed herself into the back of Rick's legs. 

The father shot around and began to cry as he saw the child he thought he lost at his feet. "Oh, baby!" He collected the girl in his arms. Carl rushed to them too happy to see her alive after Gareth claimed he killed her. "Oh y/n, never leave me again, okay?" He looked directly into her matching blue eyes, "Promise me." 

"I promise, dada." 

Later Carol led them to Judith. Y/n was over the moon and refused to let her out of her sight, which was exactly what Rick was doing too. They found the church a while after. There they had some semblance of peace. She was glad to have Glenn back - Maggie too. Along with the new people although Eugene was a bit weird. 

At the church was also when the questions started. Daryl had told Rick about the group they were with and regretfully had to inform the father how she was there before him. Rick asked y/n - begged her - to tell her what happened. But she refused. She couldn't say what happened. What they did, which just made Rick fear more. Eventually, she spoke a little about it. She was vague and could barely string two words together without crying. He hated it. He hated how this was a reality for his daughter. He saw the bruises they left. And he couldn't understand how someone could touch his child. Or how he could be so powerless to stop it. 

Bob died. She didn't really know the man but it still upset her. Beth too. Although she was a lot closer to her. Beth was one of her only friends and was someone who would look after her when her father couldn't. They bonded and now she was gone. 

After Beth's demise, they spent lots of time on the road. They suffered, almost died countless times but they prevailed. They got stronger - she got stronger. And they eventually found Alexandria. There everything was good again like how it was at the prison or even before this hell. She liked it there and didn't understand why the others were so sceptical. 

Though that didn't last for long. Y/n began to hate the place when Carl got shot. Alexandria almost stole her brother from her. So she despised it. She refused to leave her brother's side as he adjusted to his injury. Yes, he found it annoying how she wouldn't leave him be and he often snapped at her. But she was there when he needed her. Despite the age difference and the many years of memories they had lost to this fight, she understood his pain. When he saw himself as ugly, a monster even, she made him think otherwise. She kept him afloat, which he was eternally thankful for. 

Glenn was next. 

She didn't believe it even after she was forced to see it with her own two eyes. She was next to Glenn in the lineup. She had to watch up close. Y/n had to be mocked by that man. She had to stay the whole night with her best friends brains on her face. After that night she blamed herself. She told herself that if Negan was just one person off she would be dead and he would live. He would get to see his child born and grow old with Maggie like they had spoken about. She wholeheartedly believed he deserved to live over her. 

The war with Negan shook her to the core. At the time his face filled her nightmares. He just looked so normal. He looked nice even. Yet he hurt and he hurt and he hurt. 

He killed her Glenn. And then Carl. It wasn't Negans fault although she did blame him. Carl had gotten bit. Y/n held his hand as he died in that tunnel as the home they had built above them fell. She got a letter too - even though she would rather have preferred to have her brother back. In the letter, Carl told her how proud he was of her - how thankful he was to have her as a sister. He told her to protect Judith, their dad and Michonne, who she had recently begun to call momma. 

After Carl's death, y/n shut herself from the world well everyone except her father. For days she would cry until she couldn't anymore. She would scream and scream until her voice was gone. She just didn't understand why it had to be Carl? Why mom? Why Glenn? Why Beth? Why was it never her? The following weeks she found herself wishing it would be her next. She could never bring herself to say it out loud but with any battle, any fight, anything, she wished it would be her. 

So when she lost her father her whole world fell apart. He was her consistent so why did he leave her? She was at the bridge that day. Daryl held her crying frame as Rick set off that final shot blowing him and the walkers off the bridge. Y/n Grimes' father was dead. 

She stayed in Alexandria for a while afterwards. For the sole reason to protect her siblings. Yes, siblings - plural. Somehow through all the bad some good came from it. She just wished her father and Carl could've seen it. RJ Grimes came into this world 9 months later. And he was perfect. For months she would assist in taking care of him as Michonne wasn't doing the greatest without the love of her life. Truth be told neither was y/n she was just better at hiding it. 

Until one night it all became too much. Y/n didn't know how it happened but she found herself balancing on the edge of her window. She wanted to jump - to end it. But she just couldn't will herself to do it. And when Daryl showed up she knew she couldn't. "Hey step away from ta window, alrigh'," The man ordered as he saw her shaking frame rocking back and forth. 

"I-i can't," She sobbed. 

"Ye' ya can. Jus' step back I'll catch ya," Daryl moved closer but paused when she shouted to stop. 

"I can't, Daryl. They're all gone. They're all dead," The tears clouded her eyes. She shut them tightly picturing her families faces wanting so badly to join them. 

"Please jus' step back, y/n. Yer' not alone. I'm here," He croaked the tears floating down his cheeks, "Don't jump." 

"I love you, Daryl." 

"I love ya too, okay? So step away from the window," He watched as she turned her head slightly catching his eyes. 

"I love you but I can't. Tell mom, RJ and Judy I love them as well." 

Suddenly she went to fall forward but Daryl reacted quicker. He gripped her waist pulling her into the room unwilling to release his grasp. "Yer' not leaving me," He told her as she cried into his shoulder, "Yer' cant leave me." Overhearing the chaos, Michonne entered her daughter's room to see the window wide open and the two of them crying. Daryl looked at her. The look telling her all she needed to know. Michonne began to cry herself and joined them on the ground. 

"Y/n?" A small voice called from the door frame. 

"Judith go back to bed, okay?" Michonne told her but Judith continued towards her sister. The girl said nothing as she wiped her sister's tears and held her hand.

It was 5 years later now. After her attempt, she left Alexandria with Daryl in search of her father. She didn't believe he was alive despite everything inside her wanting to. But Daryl did and after what happened they became a lot closer. He was happy she joined him. Even though the act of being out there was gruelling at times he was glad he could look after her. And if something would've happened to her while he was gone he could never have forgiven himself. Understandably Michonne was angry that y/n decided to leave. Y/n was her daughter and Michone her mother. They needed each other but she was willing to let Y/n leave to figure that out. It brought her peace looking for her father. 

The silence was her favourite and as Daryl wasn't much of a talker she got lots of it. They got a dog too, which Daryl cleverly named Dog. Everything was a messed up version of okay but it was still good. Being out there made her find her purpose. She went home a lot more than Daryl did, which pleased her siblings and mother. It was always for a few days never longer as she feared she'd stay forever and she couldn't. As much as Alexandria is good it also drives y/n to a dark place. One she was in that night. She lost so much there. And staring at those four walls drove her insane. It didn't help how Negan was imprisoned there. Just thinking how close he was made her skin crawl. She knew how Rick visited him when he was alive that he believed Carl was right about the killing. That it had to stop. Y/n knew he was right too but she could never bring herself to one admit or two face Negan. 

It felt like a story she read as a child when the Whisperers showed up. Like Negan, they scared her. So when she was told about his escape she only assumed the worst. The Whisperers took so many from them. Like Enid for example. Her story was cut short because of them. The two never really spoke but she understood how she and Carl felt for each other at a time. So ultimately it felt like she lost her final piece of Carl when she died. Y/n wished she had spoken to her when she could've. She wished she could've heard the untold stories they shared. She needed to know about Carl's final years with her. But now she's gone too along with those memories. 

The war with the Whisperers took everything from them. The Kingdom. Hilltop. Alexandria. Along with the lives they lost in the process. With the group separated she found herself protecting Judy and RJ. Michonne had gone. Where she had gone to, y/n had no idea. For a messed up reason, she began to prepare herself for her mother's death before it was even announced. That was until she got the call. She was okay and... apparently so was Rick. 

Disbelief was what hit her first. She couldn't hear his voice nor see his face so how could she know it was true. Michonne didn't know either she couldn't if he was really there, still alive. That night of the call she left. Without hesitation, she kissed RJ and Judith's heads, told them she loved them and told them to tell everyone else that and left. She left in the direction Michonne had told her. 

She left to find her father. And she knew she wouldn't return until she did. "I'm coming, dad."

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