#i perceive them as the eldest brothers who are the exact same age and are both very mature and responsible

[irithnova]

More on Chagatai Khanate

I feel as if Chagatai Khanate is not talked about a lot by me. This is despite the fact that I pretty much have his whole characterisation and storyline planned from birth to death in my head and I have written about him before as a part of larger posts however I have not dedicated a single post to him.

I somewhat fashioned his personality off of the actual Chagatai. I also did something similar with Golden Horde and Jochi.

He really fits into the role of the ignored middle child well to be honest. Both character wise and how the actual Chagatai Khanate is perceived. From what I've seen over the years, when people reflect on the different Khanates of the Mongol Empire, they often think of the opulence of the Yuan Dynasty and Ilkhanate, or the infamous reputation of the Golden Horde in Europe, with the Chagatai Khanate often coming last and least in many peoples minds. Hell, a Khan of the Chagatai Khanate itself declared that it was a "miserabe little ulus", so its no wonder its not given as much attention.

I wrote this before in a much longer post about Mongolia's relationship with the different Khanates (Mongolia came to be the figurehead of the Yuan Dynasty) but I think Chagatai Khanate was born only one year after the Golden Horde (kind of wanted it to be poetic in the sense that this reflects the actual age gap between Jochi and Chagatai) so they're quite close in age. I think this only made him more competitive towards his eldest brother (Ilkhanate being the youngest). This is especially because Golden Horde felt outcasted to an extent as he was the representation of the Jochid territory and there was a lot of speculation about the nature of his birth - if Genghis Khan was actually his father or not. This casued a lot of tension between the actual Jochi and Chagatai, this is something Chagatai constantly berated him for. I think this is the same for Golden Horde and Chagatai Khanate. Not in the exact same way of course - no one was questioning whether he was Mongolia's child or not. However as he was the representative of Jochid lands - he was seen as illegitimate by proxy if that makes sense.

Out of the three brothers, I think Chagatai Khanate was the most similar personality wise to Mongolia. Don't get me wrong, all three of them inherited his traits, such as his stubbornness, competitiveness and intelligence. However if I was tasked with knee jerk picking the one son who just is the most like Mongolia personality wise overall, it has to be Chagatai Khanate. 

This is one of the major reasons as to why Chagatai Khanate wanted to be the favoured son. Golden Horde was technically his first born, however he represents the Kingdom of  a bastard. He considered Ilkhanate a weakling who was not strong willed like he was and just bent over to whatever Mongolia said (unfortunately for Chagatai Khanate, thats exactly why Ilkhanate was Mongolia's favourite). He thought Mongolia would prefer a more hard headed son - like him. 

Considering this reasoning, Chagatai Khanate was expecting... More? From his father. More approving pats on his shoulder when he did something right, more proud smiles when he stood his ground. Sure Mongolia gave them all attention but it was never enough. He was always busy with something else or late for something. 

For the longest time, Chagatai defended his father a personal level and was extremely uptight about upholding tradition and rules. Out of his brothers, he was the one who was so anal about upkeeping proud Mongol tradition. Not that he was not a troublemaker in his own right - he most definitely was, however he was very conservative when it came to this. He could pretty much recite the entire Yassa code off by heart. Hence another reason why he thought he should be the favoured son.

Before Chagatai Khanate came to resent his father, he saw his meticulousness of upholding Mongol law and tradition as an extension of his love and respect for his father. But as time went on and there were more developments in the empire (as in, infighting between the divisions), Chagatai Khanate no longer saw it as an extension of his love for his father but as a competition. He was already given the short end of the stick when it came to the wealth of his Ulus ("miserable little ulus") which he was most definitely a sore loser about and not only that, Mongolia went on to establish the Yuan Dynasty under Khublai Khan -  a dynasty that ruled over China, posed itself as being a legitimate dynasty with the mandate of heaven, Khublai himself was very fond of China and there were whole wars fought between Khublai and Qaidu - the de facto ruler of the Chagatai Khanate, as Qaidu was more traditionalist compared to the more liberal Khublai. It's speculated that one of the discussions that took place during the 1269 Talas Quriltai was about Khublai straying away from Mongol tradition and turning to China! I explained this in more depth in a previous post I'll link here, it's a lot more historically dense but it's worth a read if you want more context. 

Even before the different Khanates went their separate ways, I think Chagatai Khanates resentment began to blossom. I think he realised that no matter how hard he tried, Mongolia would never consider him his favoured son. So he got strangely competitive with Mongolia in more subtle ways before everything blew up. Who could inspire more fear in the lesser staff, who was the better wrestler. Mongolia caught onto this and was... Not impressed. He was quite annoyed at this. I don't think he felt threatened but I do think it's funny how the son most similar to him personality wise annoyed him the most. Admitting that you're obnoxious, Mongolia? (At least in the context of this era).

Mongolia definitely had his own thoughts on Khublai and absolutely raised an eyebrow at a few things he did (like moving the Mongol Empire capital to China) however he was not expecting his children (except for Ilkhanate who pretty much always sided with him) to turn against him in such a way - and to accuse him of all people of disrespecting Mongol tradition! Yes, he was pissed. Especially at Chagatai Khanate who he saw as the instigator of it all. Despite this conflict ending, Chagatai Khanate was still very sore about it and continued being a pain to his family. What's funny is how much Chagatai Khanate and Golden Horde hated each other, but one of the only things that could unite them was when they wanted to bully and threaten Ilkhanate. lol. And I guess their shared frustration when Mongolia inevitably sided with Ilkhanate in the conflict - Mongolia/the Yuan Dynasty being one of Ilkhanates only allies (daddy's boy I guess)..

This staunch adherence to tradition did not stop though. Whilst the other Khanates became more sedentary, the Chagatai Khanate was still living traditionally (ironic as this was a factor in halting the growth of wealth in the Chagatai Khanate, something he complained about) and when the Chagatai Khanate broke up into two, the West in Transoxiana and the East called Moghulistan (Chagatai Khanate became the Eastern Moghulistan) , Moghulistan was a hell of a lot more traditional than the Western Chagatai Khanate. They upheld Chagataid tradition whereas the Western Chagatai Khanate used Chagataids as puppet rulers usually. They were even discriminatory towards the Western halfs more mixed status, and the Western half similarly looked down on Moghulistan for being "uncultured" from what I recall. Yes I do think he was hatecriming his son-

Anyways it's ironic because Moghulistan itself became increasingly Turkified over time and even adopted Sharia law over the traditional Mongola Yassa. He's my fave jock loser

Some other hcs:

Ruddy face

He and GH are similar in stature but he is slightly bigger

Bushy eyebrows

Small scar on his cheek

#aph mongolia #hetalia #hetalia world stars #hws mongolia #hetalia world series #hetalia world twinkle #hetalia mongolia #aph chagatai khanate #hws chagatai khanate #hws golden horde #aph golden horde #hetalia golden horde #hetalia chagatai khanate #hws ilkhanate #aph Ilkhanate #hetalia ilkhanate #historical hetalia #hetalia headcanons #hetalia hcs

[skl-moved]

(gestures vaguely) i just think they're funny

#linked universe #lu twilight #lu warriors #tried my best with drawing these too...but i cant seem to do it in a way im satisfied with yet #anyway i think twi and wars dynamic is fun and interesting although they havent interacted much #i perceive them as the eldest brothers who are the exact same age and are both very mature and responsible #but the moment they're near eachother the braincell numbers drop to the negatives #the moment in sunset where wars asks about ilia and twi says wars is the last person hed introduce her to and warriors laughing... #i think about it frequently... #they're not a super popular dynamic within the fandom as far as ive seen #so im just hoping twi doesnt fucking die so i can see more of them :']] #shortkinglinkstuff

[saturnsstufff]

Hear me out, imainge Techno raiseing a little girl and she just brings home her first boy friend or something. Techno being Techno just reacts to this in a "hurt her and i'll kick your ass" kinda way.

This idea wont leave my head and I have no idea why.---

Also hope you have a great rest of the weekend!! :D

-🐼😐

Oh my god he would be the best/worst dad ever. Best because he would be so loving and supportive. But worst because he was so terrifying.

Also! Apologies before hand I got a little carried away (I love domestic dad techno, what can I say)

Athena- Technoblade

Warning: none, maybe protective dad Techno?

   When you first had children Techno was pretty hesitant. He wasn't sure if the child would like him or despise him. He also wasn't sure if he would even be a decent father. Of course being his loving and supportive wife, you already knew Techno was utterly amazing with children. So when you announced you were pregnant, you swiftly eased Techno's nerves about fatherhood.

   When your baby was born he cried, he was so over joyed at the sight of your little darling within his arms. Phil, having known the lengths and dangers of pregnancies, was glad that you had safely delivered a healthy baby girl. Almost a exact replica of you to be precise. With little ruby eyes she looked at you both with wonder. Quickly finding comfort with her Mother, Father and Uncle. Techno upon seeing her, knew she would grow to be strong. Whether she choose to be delicate as a flower, or as fierce as a warrior. He would be there to support his little girl. With that said, he only found one name, perfect enough to fit his little darling.

   Athena.

   Like her name foretold, she became a elegant warrior. From a young age she was driven to make her father forever proud. Of course he was naturally proud of her. But that didn't stop her from picking a bow, and sword up to challenge her father.

   When she was a toddler, she found amusement and love for the little things. Athena and Steve had even become inseparable. Her father was gushing over the idea that his daughter had a love for large animals similarly to him.

   Of course you were also close to her. She was your daughter, made of your flesh and blood. While Techno taught her everything about combat, you often shown her the gentle side of things.

   Between You and Techno- and the rather occasional help from Phil- you guys had taught Athena to be fierce, yet gentle and loving. Something you were all very proud of.

   As Athena aged she became rather beautiful, growing to look a lot more like Techno then you first had perceived. With her father's strong gaze and jawline she became a heartbreaker without even knowing it.

   You and Techno both knew she was gentle and loving. But due to Technoblade being her father, many boys and women alike tended to shy away from her. Fearing of upsetting her or her father.

   Techno felt bad at the idea of his daughter being alone. He knew what it was like to be shunned by most people. It wasn't something he wished his little girl to face.

   You, having been the more positive person in the marriage, knew that it would just take time for her to find the right person. Sure enough, you were right.

   Athena had found friendship with a hybrid Ender boy named Nathaniel. Although rather tall he was in fact timid. Athena waisted no time in telling you about her long adventures with Nathan by her side. Soon the name "Nathan" and “Nate” had become a house hold name for your family.

   Of course you had met Nathan occasionally. Having seen him when you would walk with Athena to the nearby village. He was a kind and loving boy towards you, and all those he encountered. When he started bringing Athena flowers, you had more then a well known hunch of where it would lead to. As always, you were indeed right again.

   One morning Athena was a bit restless in her seat at breakfast. While you fed your young toddler, you couldn't help but wonder if she was ok. You were the type of mom to let your children come to you with their issues on their own terms. Figuring to wait until they were comfortable with bringing things up, then being pushed to tell you. It worked with your sixteen year old daughter and your twelve year old son. So you planned to roll with that for your soon two year old son as well.

   Soon enough she did budge. "Mom?" She asked softly. You turned to her, showing she had your full attention. She cleared her throat and poked at her egg a bit. "I invited Nathan over for today... I hope that's ok..." she asked a bit shy. Something was up, but you weren't about to pry.

   "Of course that's ok Thena, he’s your friend" you smiled softly to her wanting her to feel at ease. Her brother narrowed his eyes a bit. You watched your son from the corner of your eye. He knew something. Your middle child took after Techno expression wise. The look he was currently giving his sister, was the same look Techno gave you when he knew you weren't telling the full story. With your youngest in front of you asking for more food, you slowly moved your attention away from the eldest children.

   "Will dad be coming home today?" Your son asked curiously. You herd the bemusement lace his tone. You hummed and put a spoonful of oatmeal into the toddlers mouth.

   "I believe so. Phil and Your Father said they wouldn't be long with the Mansion run" you said looking over to him. With your youngest now almost two Techno started up his usual runs again. When you had a baby in the house he was always hesitant to leave for too long. Of course you always told him you would be fine. Thankfully your children were well behaved and easy to keep track of- that is unless your oldest son felt the urge to annoy his sister of course.

   It was about a little after noon before Techno and Phil had returned home. Your toddler was the first to see them from the window of course. Calling out "daddy" and insisting that you all go out to meet him. With no hesitation you scooped up your baby and wondered out with your kids. Athena was smiling brightly. But you could also tell she was on edge.

   When Techno rode up to the house your toddler was thrashing for him. Only easing up when he was handed to Techno. Your husband had the largest smile as he took his son in his hands. Asking if he was missed. You gave Phil a warm welcoming smile. Hugging him when he dismounted from his horse.

   While you stood by Phil talking about the trip, your youngest children were hugging there father when he came down. Happy to have him home once again.

   Athena, although overjoyed that her dad was home. Found her attention drawn to the young Ender boy approaching from the tree line. The two hugged happily when he met up with her.

   Techno had traded your toddler to Phil. Making room within his arms for you. With your body pressed up to his, you turned your head to give him a warm welcoming kiss. But instead paused to see Nathan and your daughter hugging. Techno, expecting a nice kiss started to pout. But he soon stopped when he saw a unfamiliar boy with his little girl.

   You had previously met Nathaniel, however, Techno has not. He’s only herd about this boy. So he was a bit skeptical.

   Athena didn't hesitate to bring Nathan over to your little family. With Techno and Phil in full armor, you felt a bit bad that shy Nathan had to meet them this way. Your sons stood with Phil, your youngest within his arms. You stood in front of Techno, your husband towering over you with only his hand on your shoulder.

   "Who is this?" Techno asked, his eyebrow slightly raised in question. Athena smiled hesitantly. Nathan quietly looking Techno over.

   "Dad... This is Nathaniel... That boy I always talk about" you smiled warmly at the boy. Saying it was nice to see him again. He gave you a shy, but warm smile in return. Techno's eyes lingered over Nathaniel. Almost summing him up. "Nate.. this is my Dad and Uncle..." she said pointing. Nathan stepped away from Athena's side. Slowly stepping up to you and Techno. With a hesitant arm he held his hand out to Techno for a handshake. When Techno shook Nathan's hand, the size difference was easy to spot. Where Techno had strong calloused hands, Nathans were limber, long, and soft. Easily one of his Enderman traits he possessed.

   Techno didn't make direct eye contact. Having remembered when Ranboo stayed with you two years previously. Ranboo had off hand mentioned making eye contact was seen as a hostile move to Enderman.

   "Its very nice to meet you finally, sir..." Nathan said rather quietly. Techno although on the fence. Didn't choose to try and be intimidating. Instead he kept his normal monotone voice.

   "It's nice to meet you too"

   Nathan ended up staying for dinner that night. Athena and Nathan mostly stuck together, but both were a bit nervous you could tell. But again you didn't push it.

   After dinner Phil took the kids outside for a late night walk. Figuring he would leave you and Techno alone for a bit. Of course you weren't fully alone. Athena and Nathan stuck about. With the two sat together on the couch, Athena ended up falling asleep on Nathans shoulder.

   Well you and Techno talked in the other room at the table, the last person you expected to see was Nathan. He quietly walked in and waited for you two to finish talking before he began. "I... I uhm, have something to ask you s-sir" Nathan began uncertain. You gave him a kind smile and motioned for him to sit.

   When he sat he looked between you two. Mostly looking for reassurance from you so he could address Techno. Techno didn't push, he just calmly waited for the boy to speak. "A..Athena really cares about your opinion... And.. I... I know I want to do this right..." he was stumbling over his words. You could tell he was nervous. Quietly you just told him to take a deep breath. He nodded and did so. Waiting a moment before continuing. "W...with your permission as her Father... Could I please date your daughter?... S-she means the world to me... all I want is her happy..." Nathan was shying away from Techno. Almost expecting him to yell or something.

   Techno watched a bit and thought on his words. Truthfully Techno was proud of this boy. Everyone was terrified to date his daughter, yet a shy Ender boy had purposefully stepped aside to ask him for permission. "I suppose I'll let you..." Techno said slowly. Nathaniel's shoulders visibly relaxed at Techno's words. Of course techno narrowed his eyes after, becoming serious "just know I was your age. If she ends up pregnant anytime soon, I'm coming for you" Techno meant it. Nathaniel went red and swallowed thickly before slowly nodding.

"Y-yes sir...."

#technoblade #technoblade x reader #technoblade x you #techno x reader #techno x you #fanfic #fanfiction #minecraft fanfiction #minecraft x you #dreamsmp x reader #tb

[abizarreyodelingincident]

Braaaaaaains...

Jason Todd is legally – and biologically – dead. His family noted his lack of pulse at three in the morning, inside the cave, his body laid out on a table with medical instruments.

No, really, tell him something he doesn't know.

What else crawls out of a grave moaning and groaning?

Or, Jason thought his family full of the world's greatest detectives was smarter than this. Apparently not.

****************************************************************

It had been an ordinary night. Calm. The stage for very little costumed crime and barely more regular, non-insane crime as well. Half the menagerie that made up Dick's loving ragtag bunch of younger siblings had even taken the night off.

Nothing should have make him arrive to silence this thick, to this faint echo of sniffling.

He sprinted after the noise.

Damian's fine, left before me. Duke didn't go out, nor did Steph. Babs spent the evening with Cass in the cave, Tim swept the bowery and said he was going to stop by Jason's place to-

He collided with a shaking, tear stained Tim right outside the medbay.

There was a body on the closest table. Others around it, crying, pacing, muttering in denial.

Dick couldn't look.

No, no, please, please no. I can't do that again. I can't!

Scarred skin, too pale – to be Duke or Cass – by death. His breath hitched. No. He. Fuck.

He knew those scars. Those arms. That chest and that fucking Y from navel to shoulders.

“Dick! Jason... he was...  I found him in his apartment. And I brought him to the cave... but... Jason doesn't have a pulse. He's... cold...”

Dick stumbled.

No.

No, no, no, that... that couldn't be real.

He caught himself on his little brother. Brought himself into a hug too tight, as painful as the arms gripping his ribs and back. A grip meant for a lifesaving light at sea. For a safeline over a ravine.

Twice. He'd lost the same brother twice. And this time, he didn't even have the excuse of inexperience and unstable situations. He... he patrolled the city whilst his brother was dead, completely oblivious to the fact. How could he? How dare he not know?!

“Shh, Tim, I'm here. I'm here.” But not for Jason, whispered a vicious part of him.

“What's all this?”

Dick's heart just about stopped.

Damian stood at the entrance to the lockers' room, uniform folded under one arm, hair slightly damp from a shower and Bat-themed pajamas worn without shame. His mild annoyance was proof he had no idea of the drama that had happened not twenty feet from him.

With reluctance, he let go of Tim, a gentle hand lingering on his shoulder, before he took a few steps toward his youngest, most vulnerable brother.

“D-Dami, I... ”   Damn it, he had to be the one to tell Damian about this. Because otherwise, the person to break the news would be Bruce, and-

Shit.

Bruce.

Oh God. How could they possibly tell him- ? After all their fights, the goddamned shattering that had broken the man he had been, and their last conversations even being more admonishment about protocols that Jason had flippantly disregarded. Bruce would never recover. That was it. The end of Batman.

...But first, God he hated himself, wanted to just curl up in a corner and forget everything, first he had a young brother he needed to talk to. One... one little brother less than just this afternoon.

“Jason... ” He swallowed, his throat tight, his heart in denial, the words so damning, but needing to be said. “Jason did not make it. He... he's dead.”

Damian stayed thoughtfully silent.

Not... not the tearful reaction he had expected, but Damian had grown up surrounded by so much death and horror that he would obviously be guarded. And oh, Dick's heart went to his baby brother, and he truly wished he could

“I do not understand. Why such theatrics for the zombie?”

Dick gasped, knowledge warring with the flash of anger.

“Damian! He's our brother!”

“Did he lose his head?” Damian demanded, and Dick's mind buckled.

“Huh, no, but that doesn't have anything to d-”

“Then, why are you acting so weirdly emotional, Richard?”

Before Dick's temper could catch up to his mouth, the longest and most painful-sounding gasp erupted from the medbay, where, to the general shock of all, Jason's gray-ish body shot upward with both his arms raised.

Electroshocks didn't make you jolt like that.

Electroshocks, in fact, remained in their kit on the other side of the medbay, unused. Because Jason had seemingly been dead long before he had been brought to the cave.

That was roughly the moment when Dick's brain caught up with the first of many hints. Latched onto it with a fool's hope.

“... Damian... When you were calling Jason a 'zombie', what did you mean?”

Damian's brows scrunched up together, a look he meant to be intimidating, but had more in common with a disgruntled kitten. “Exactly that, Richard. Do we not have files on zombies in the computer? Dead bodies walking about animated by unholy powers?”

Jason's not- Dick forced the half formed thought to a halt. For once, he rather wanted to be very, very wrong in how he perceived his family.

“What's with all the noise? Can't someone try to sleep like the dead without screaming?” Jason groused. “Should have gotten myself buried ag-OOF!”

“JASON!” screamed the hysterical teenager that had launched himself at a very lively dead body.

“Huhh? Hi, Timmy?” Jason said blearily, ruffling Tim's hair, eyebags suspiciously prominent. “... Fear gas?”

The blinking slowed, the fog of sleep drifting away as he silently begged the rest of them for an answer.

Happily provided by a still crying Tim. “I thought you were gone!”

“What is dead may never die,” Jason quipped, his mouth twisting in that cocksure grin from his Robin days.

And Dick wanted nothing more than to stop right there, pass out from the relief and joy of his little brother being alive and kicking, but...

But... 

That joke. One of many morbidly unfunny jokes and puns.

Bone-deep fatigue crushed his back. A bitter curse for whatever higher forces messing with them echoed strongly inside his skull, before he gave in to the inevitable and inhaled a few times for patience.

“Jason. We thought you were dead-dead.”

With prickly, hedgehog style affection, Jason pushed Tim back and stood up, stretching. “Come off it, Goldie. I wasn't even decapitated. I mean, if you were really worried, you could have just called a necromancer or something.” His expression hardened. “But if you ever call a necromancer on my ass, I'll shoot your perfect glutes.”

Yup, yup, yup, this is happening.

Tim finally wiped the rest of the tears away, helped by one of Stephanie's handkerchiefs, when he froze. “Wait. Your skin's still pale as a corpse.”

The flicker of amusement in Jason's eyes killed it for Dick.

God, how could they have all been this idiotic? If Wally ever learned about this – Shit, did Roy and Kory know before him?!

They were going to laugh their asses off at him.

Jason, unaware of the world recalibration happening in his poor big brother's mind, shrugged and rolled his shoulders – who creaked suspiciously loudly, more like rusty hinges than normal body parts. “Eh, I'm just a bit hungry. Nothing a meal or two won't fix and get some blood flowing back under my s-”

“You're a zombie.”

They turned toward him.

“Way to cross the finish line on time, Mister Rabbit,” Jason drawled.

Barbara, for once, looked completely unprepared. “A zombie,” she repeated, dazed.

Stephanie's nervous giggle died out when she noticed the lack of humor. “... No!”

Cassandra furiously looked down, muttering in her fist. Duke, by contrast, had the expression of a person stuck in a very awkward nightmare.

Even Jason's good-natured ribbing faded in when faced only with the distant screeched of bats. “... Hm, guys, bats, roostery, parasites and octopi? This is old news. What's with all the... ”

He vaguely gestured at their faces.

“Old news?” Tim rasped like he was being strangled.

“I came back from the dead years ago! Come on! Am I in a parallel universe? Hey, Demon Brat,” Jason called, baffled, “you knew, right? I didn't imagine that, right?!”

“Of course, Todd. Mother informed me of everything. Besides, Grandfather's interest in your state of being was of interest for a few weeks. How could I have been ignorant about your zombified state of being?”

In the corner of his eyes, Dick noticed Tim's, Barbara's and Cassandra's expressions all pinching in displeasure. In a way, Dick was reassured. He hadn't been the target of a family-wide hoax to discredit him as an attentive and loving eldest brother. No, he was just naturally blind, apparently.

“He knew?” Tim growled, like it was a personal failing of the fabric of time and space.

Damian's tone was the exact opposite. “And none of you realized...?”

Dick squirmed. “I... huh... you see...”

His baby brother eyed him, completely unimpressed, and for once after years of partnership, Dick felt he deserved every single ounce of it.

“I see... I shall reevaluate the value of this 'detective training' I've been given if this is the result then,” he said, the nearest thing to completely disavowing his older siblings without saying so.  

In other circumstances, perhaps the others would have demanded that Damian stay and explain, but he suspected the quelling look it would have deserved prevented them. Not one of them spoke until Damian had disappeared upstairs and the elevator doors had closed.

“Jason, since when have you been a zombie?”

Jason blinked, jaw hanging. Juuuust enough for some of the scar tissue on his face to stretch past normal. Why did Dick only notice that now?

“Wait, you're all serious? How could you not know? I told you guys!”

And there was Dick's pride rearing its ugly head, because no, no he had not been told and maybe his deductive skills needed a very complete overhaul, but his memory was still excellent!

“You never said that. Heck, we weren't even talking until two years ago!”

“I literally told you all that I crawled out of my grave by myself, groaning the entire time. No experiment, no Lazarus Pit, just a body waking up in its own coffin and deciding to breathe fresh air. Does that not scream 'zombie' to you?”

They cringed.

“Not the only one that returned from beyond,” Babs mumbled. He could see her pull up the mental list right there.

“I greeted you all last meeting with a 'What's up, my bat folks? It's me, your favorite zombie!'. What did you think that meant?”

“That you're an asshole with a morbid sense of humor?” Stephanie quipped, and Jason momentarily paused his indignation to high five her. Fair's fair.

“Okay, but what about that time I got shot in the chest and I told you all not to worry about it?”

“I just figured you were going to get stitched up by Leslie or yourself, you know, regular bat neuroses,” Tim confessed.

Dick made a mental note to keep a much closer eye on Tim's patrols for the next few months.

“From a bullet chest wound?” Jason asked with an incredulousness that was not at all earned, because he was a freaking zombie!

“I thought your armor had blocked it! The hole wasn't bleeding!” Tim protested, cheeks red and tone defensive.

“Well, yeah,” Jason replied. “I don't bleed. It's like some fruit pulp or something. Ain't coming out if you don't press. My heart's not pumping.”

That's a 'nevermind' on the smoothie I saved for after patrol.

“Well, I know that now,” Tim said.

“I feel like I should write it down on the plaque or something,” Jason still sounded amazed, and might have pinched his arm just to be sure he hadn't been daydreaming, “Like, 'a good soldier AND A VERY DISCRETE ZOMBIE!' in big flaming letters. With a spotlight. And a dictionary opened on 'Zombie' or 'Undead'. You know, just in case the next batbrat to come along needs a few subtle hints about my true nature. What'd you think, Dick?”

He could not have been blushing harder than he currently was. “I think shut up.”

“Of course. What about when I shoved my deadly cold toes at Tim under a blanket?”

“Cold feet.”

“Never eating around you guys?”

“Daddy issues with Bruce,” Barbara deadpanned, and got a sock thrown at her for her honesty.

However, Duke, poor kid, turned green. “Wait, so when you offered me some jellied brain... was that not a death joke?”

Dick's stomach spontaneously shrivelled.

By the grimaces and sharp inhales all around, that was a common reaction.

Then the worst possible thing happened: Jason grinned.

He strutted, all confidence and brashness, and viper-quick, snatched an arm around Duke's shoulder. “Narrows, Nightlight, my tiny bitsy bro, everything I do is a death joke. My very existence laughs at death.”

Inside the batcave, the groaning was long-suffering and shameful.

“But that was actually brains,” Duke countered.

“Yeah. Calf brains. It's a delicacy.”

Tim massaged his forehead. What a mood.

Duke narrowed his eyes. “It was purely for the joke, wasn't it?”

Jason patted him on the back so hard Duke faltered. “One tragically wasted on your obtuse mind. I prefer me some Tête fromagée instead. Less like grainy jello.”

Stone-faced, Barbara wheeled herself toward the batcomputer. There, upon a series of quick clicks, she opened up the Bats's files. “Alright, you had your fun. Do you need to eat brains or are you just the world's least funny meathead?”

“I'm the world's most misunderstood vigilante!” Jason loudly protested, milking their pain for all it was worth. And then some. “But yeah, I do. No grey matter in there” -- he tapped his belly -- “no thinking up here.” -- his skull.

“Need some better quality brains then,” Tim stage-whispered to Stephanie.

Cass pointed the finger at Jason. “No killing for brains.”

Jason's good humor flickered with a flash of green. “Ain't ever done it, never will. It's a matter of morals, not hunger, Cass.”

Dick swooped in that minefield before it exploded.

“Great! Proud of you, Jay! You're the good kind of vegetarian zombie,” he said, putting an arm around his ginormous little brother's shoulders.

Wait a minute...

“Hey, you're older than when you died! Zombies don't age.”

“No, I was thrown into a Lazarus Pit, and the evil waters cured the malnutrition-induced delay on my growth. Haven't aged a day since.”

“I just thought you had a weird babyface thing going on,” Tim said.

Jason's grin turned sardonic. “Quite the opposite, Timber.”

Dick put his head in his hands in some vain attempt to prevent his brain from leaking through his ears.  With his luck, his little brother would 'playfully' eat some of it. “There's no way you look this rugged at biologically sixteen! I refuse to believe that.”

“Can you imagine my power if I'd been allowed to reach my full potential?” Jason leered, eyebrows waggling like waves in a sea at storm. “So many heart attacks.”

Barbara and Cassandra exchanged a silent look, and, after a solemn nod, Cassandra reached up to slap Jason upside the head.

“Thank you, Cassandra,” Barbara told her. “Jason, never do such a thing again.”

The disgruntled groan that followed must have been on purpose, because Jay was indeed an asshole.

“Besides, it's not like the world will ever know,” Tim said, cutting, a smirk hiding by his hand.

Dick really thought his little brother was far too relaxed upon learning that Jason was one with the undead. Sure, they had all encountered various levels of zombies during their missions, from all sorts of oral traditions and cultures, alien viruses and hidden nanobots piloting meat puppets. It wasn't even classified as a nation-wide crisis to encounter free-roaming zombies. But since the chronically unalive individual in question was one of their own, Dick felt he was owed at least a whole evening of frazzled panic and incomprehension for once.

“Oh?” Stephanie instead asked, sensing blood.

Tim shrugged. “Well, you know, no pulse, no blood flow,” he said with an angled eyebrow nodding at Jason's crotch

Stunned silence followed, their expressions varying from disgust, horror, unholy glee and, from Jason himself, wide-eyed shock that his shrimp of a little brother had had the balls to assimilate the zombieness fast enough to mock him for him.

Dick prayed for patience. For fortitude. And for an alternate timeline where he was an only child.

Why, for all the love of cotton candy and professional uncriminal clowns, did Tim put THAT image of Jason inside their brains? What had he done, him, a loving model for all of society, to suffer like this?

Maybe if he asked nicely, Jason would eat the image out of his head. He owed Dick that much after this clusterfuck of a conversation.

“Ooooooooh,” Stephanie crooned, miming getting dunked on. With acrobatics.

Jason huffed. “Like I was ever interested in the first place. I ain't Dick.”

“Okay, no slut shaming or virgin shaming, in fact, no shaming at all, please. In this house, we accept all sexualities, but we don't give out raunchy details about any of it, I only have so much brain bleach.”

“Share?” Duke pleaded in a whisper.

Oh, I wish I could, you young innocent soul.

A few beeps turned their attention back to Barbara and the batcomputer. “Well, that's one long overdue update to Jason's files. Anyone else want to share their 'obvious' medical condition?”

“Excuse you, being dead is not a medical condition.”

“I will make you wish for the peace of the grave, Jason.”

Droplets dripped from nearby stalactites.

A few bats flew overhead.

Jason turned to them like nothing had been said.

“Right. That was fun. Best night of my month. Can't wait to tell the Outlaws.”

Dick resigned himself to a series of unflattering texts by the absolute dickheads that were his second family. He could already tell the messages would blow up his phone to the Moon. 'You didn't know your brother that came back from the dead is a zombie?!'

“Have mercy and wait tomorrow morning?”

That smile could have been great or terrible. “You're lucky I'm in a spectacularly good mood, Dick.”

He had lifted his leg over his bike's seat when Duke was struck by genuine worry.

“Wait. Does Bruce know?”

Jason barked out a laugh.

“Of course he does! God knows he's got some massive blind spots, but he's obsessive, paranoid and I find subcutaneous trackers on me every week. No way he didn't get the hint before now.”

But, as his gaze went over the rest of them, his good cheer dimmed, his grin slipping off his face as surely as a bit of decayed flesh.

“... Right?”

#fanfic #Jason Todd #Zombie Jason Todd #Dick Grayson #Batsiblings

[drvconiis]

         ──    *     𝑰 𝑻 ' 𝑺   𝑪 𝑹 𝑨 𝑪 𝑲 𝑯 𝑬 𝑨 𝑫   𝑯 𝑶 𝑼 𝑹 𝑺     .      and  i’ve  pretty  much  lost  everything  from  my  old  account  so  here  is  intro  one  out  of  two  because  i’m  a  sucker  for  references  .  as  well  as  a  couple  changes  and  details  about  my  son  but  without  further  ado  ,  roman  de  grimaldi  ‘erebody  .  let’s  get  this  shit  show  on  the  road  !

potential triggers : divorce , death , infidelity

          ▫     ◟     𝑹 𝑶 𝑴 𝑨 𝑵   𝑫 𝑬   𝑮 𝑹 𝑰 𝑴 𝑨 𝑳 𝑫 𝑰     ──     𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑙𝑑𝑒𝑛 𝑏𝑜𝑦  

abstract .

ʻ   /   let  me  introduce  you  to  a  prized  member  of  our   lacrosse team & sailing team   ,   roman  ‘ rome ’  de  grimaldi .  this   cismale  scorpio   has  been  a  student  at  our  institution for   4  years  and  is  currently  a  22  year  old   senior .   through  the  halls ,   he  has   always  reminded  me  of   evan roderick  ,   but  there  is  always  more  than  meets  the  eye ,   like  the  fact  that  he  ruined  someone’s  marriage  and  his  father  paid  them  off  to  keep  them  quiet .  coral  cape  has  made  their  future  just  as  bright  as  their  smile ,   i  assure  you .  ʼ 

memoir .

     ❭      ──     rome  was  born  with  𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒐𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆  ,  the  youngest  of  three  children  to  sensationalized  fairytale  couple  .  behind  closed  doors  ,  he  was  the  last  hope  for  the  broken  married  couple  ,  he  was  the  attempt  .  despite  the  messy  fights  and  heart  aching  words  ,  lucca  de  grimaldi  perceived  his  youngest  as  the  light  of  his  life  even  at  the  height  of  the  de  grimaldi  divorce  and  the  loss  of  custody  of  his  eldest  child  .  firenze  was  a  toxic  concoction  of  both  his  parents  but  roman  was  the  exact  copy  of  the  de  grimaldi  patriach  from  his  light  eyes  to  his  messy  blond  hair  even  to  his  cheeky  smile  that  seemed  to  work  in  his  favour  .

    ❭      ──     he  was  𝒕𝒐𝒐  𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒕  for  his  own  good  ,  while  his  brother  firenze  seemed  to  run  wild  amongst  the  halls  of  their  italian  estate  with  a  fierce  wildness  and  expensive  tutors  chasing  after  him  in  attempt  to  get  him  to  try  ;  rome  sat  on  his  father’s  lap  with  a  children’s  book  in  his  tiny  hand  and  smile  on  his  face  as  he  eased  at  the  sound  of  his  father  typing  .  even  at  a  young  age  ,  rome  and  lucca  were  practically  in  routine  with  one  another  as  the  youngest  de  grimaldi  would  enter  the  study  at  the  same  time  everyday  before  easing  himself  in  the  furthest  corner  until  all  the  school  work  the  tutors  gave  him  was  completed  and  in  a  need  pile  then  he  would  shine  𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒔  bright  eyes  at  his  father  until  he  found  himself  in  the  man’s  lap  .  most  of  the  time  he  had  a  book  but  there  were  rare  moment  ,  lucca  de  grimaldi  would  talk  about  the  new  research  the  company  was  looking  into  or  the  new  proposals  for  a  new  hospital  .  rome  fell  in  love  with  medicine  because  of  those  moments  .

   ❭      ──     lucca  de  grimaldi  cried  when  he  said  good  bye  to  his  youngest  son  at  the  tarmac  of  that  plane  that  would  ship  the  boy  all  the  way  to  switzerland  .  rome  at  the  ripe  age  of  six  seemed  to  understand  duty  better  than  most  kids  ,  he  didn’t  cry  or  cling  onto  his  father  or  brother  instead  he  only  seemed  to  smirk  and  promised  to  call  .  rome  had  always  been  the  perfect  elite  child  ,  he  had  refined  manners  and  seemed  to  speak  to  every  elder  in  perfect  politeness  and  never  caused  his  father  distress  but  he  had  a  𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒆  𝒐𝒇  𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒄𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒚  when  he  arrived  from  a  year  at  school  .  as  years  grew  the  personality  grew  ,  he  was  still  a  child  so  the  multitude  of  languages  he  was  expected  to  know  mixed  ,  there  was  a  lacklustre  about  him  as  he  grew  .  he  was  golden  but  not  in  the  same  innocence  he  used  to  be  .  he  was  merely  painted  gold  .

  ❭      ──     the  first  time  roman  de  grimaldi  really  screamed  was  at  the  sight  of  his  older  brother  falling  into  the  still  deep  waters  .  the  first  time  he  cries  himself  to  sleep  when  when  his  father  held  him  after  baring  him  with  the  news  his  brother  passed  .  the  first  time  he  stops  routine  is  to  sit  in  his  brother’s  bedroom  and  wonder  .  he  was  merely  ten  and  he  wonders  ,  he  seemed  to  have  that  never  ending  question  about  why  people  seemed  to  keep  leaving  him  but  he  never  asks  aloud  .  then  routine  continues  ,  and  each  year  as  he  grows  he  becomes  less  of  himself  and  more  of  a  facade  ,  a  mere  image  of  who  he  could  have  been  .  he  was  dubbed  the  heir  of  the  de  grimaldi  business  before  he  even  finished  elementary  school  ,  he  was  a  part  of  the  future  of  science  and  he  barely  even  hit  puberty  yet  .  there  were  expectations  ,  plans  and  rules  to  follow  .  rome  discovered  he  𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅  𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒍  or  he  may  just  fall  apart  .

 ❭      ──     rebellion  was  not  something  expected  of  him  ,  the  most  extreme  he  had  intentionally  hit  was  going  to  university  for  law  for  a  year  .  he  was  almost  disowned  by  his  family  of  medical  professional  but  everyone  knew  rome  lived  and  breathed  science  to  even  be  remotely  happy  with  law  .  his  next  rebellion  was  unintentional  ,  roman  like  getting  what  he  wanted  ,  he  𝒄𝒓𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒅  𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒃𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒆𝒏  and  sometimes  he  succumbed  to  the  impossible  .  he  involves  himself  with  a  married  woman  ,  he  craves  the  secrecy  ,  he  craved  the  lack  of  plans  and  control  .  he  doesn’t  love  her  but  𝒉𝒆  𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔  𝒉𝒆𝒓  to  believe  he  does  ,  to  feel  out  of  control  even  for  a  second  .  it  crashes  and  burns  around  him  and  he  remembers  why  there  are  plans  and  rules  in  place  .  𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏  𝒘𝒂𝒔  𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈  to  the  de  grimaldis  and  family  was  above  everything  .  his  world  doesn’t  crash  and  burn  but  he  ruined  a  marriage  and  left  a  woman  who  bared  her  heart  and  soul  to  him  .  he  didn’t  even  look  back  .  rome  learnt  that  family  was  the  only  important  thing  .

temperament .

          ♡       +       intelligent           ♡       -        manipulative           ♡       +       charismatic           ♡       -        controlled           ♡       +       logical           ♡       -        vain

muse .

          ──     ▫     draco  malfoy           ──     ▫     tony  stark           ──     ▫     derek  shepard           ──     ▫     bruce  wayne           ──     ▫     derek  hale

current connections .

        ──    *     𝑨 𝑰 𝑺 𝑳 𝑰 𝑵 𝑵   𝑩 𝑼 𝑺 𝑻 𝑨 𝑴 𝑨 𝑵 𝑻 𝑬     ──     skinny  love  .  it  was  just  supposed  to  be  a  hook  up  but  rome  found  himself  ravelled  in  something  he  hadn’t  felt  for  a  while  .  he  fell  in  love  with  aislinn  fast  and  hard  and  he  did  what  he  did  best  ,  he  ran  with  excuses  coming  out  of  his  mouth  but  he  can’t  help  stop  feeling  what  he  does  for  aislinn  .

       ──    *     𝑨 𝑹 𝑫 𝑬 𝑵   𝑹 𝑶 𝑪 𝑲 𝑬 𝑭 𝑬 𝑳 𝑳 𝑬 𝑹     ──     best  friend  .  it  started  with  a  boring  party  ,  a  ring  pop  and  a  marriage  proposal  while  the  rest  was  history  .  rome  and  arden  are  best  friends  ,  somewhat  platonic  soulmate  and  loving  parents  to  a  beautiful  dog  named  percy  .  they’ve  been  best  friends  since  the  moment  they  met  with  marriage  pacts  and  a  scary  attachment  to  one  another  but  if  there  was  one  person  rome  would  protect  with  his  dying  breath  it  would  be  arden  .

       ──    *     𝑪 𝑶 𝑹 𝑵 𝑬 𝑳 𝑰 𝑼 𝑺   𝑹 𝑶 𝑪 𝑲 𝑬 𝑭 𝑬 𝑳 𝑳 𝑬 𝑹     ──     acquaintance  .  due  to  rome’s  relationships  with  neel’s  sisters  he  couldn’t  help  but  be  around  the  other  .  it  was  no  mistake  that  they  weren’t  best  friends  or  even  remotely  close  but  it  there  was  one  talent  rome  could  provide  to  neel’s  it  was  annoying  and  teasing  the  boy  in  question  with  no  sign  of  relenting  .

       ──    *     𝑱 𝑼 𝑫 𝑨 𝑺   𝑪 𝑹 𝑨 𝑾 𝑭 𝑶 𝑹 𝑫     ──     study  buddies  .  rome  finds  solitude  in    the  library  ,  he’s  a  medicine  student  there  really  isn’t  an  hour  he  doesn’t  study  and  finding  people  to  simply  study  with  is  scarce  .  he’s  never  really  cared  about  the  whole  rich  vs  poor  overview  and  jude  sitting  with  him  and  studying  was  enough  to  barter  a  friendship  from  him  .  

       ──    *     𝑳 𝑼 𝑪 𝑰 𝑨   𝑹 𝑬 𝒀 𝑬 𝑺     ──     frenemies  .  they  aren’t  exactly  friends  but  rome  tolerates  the  other  ,  they  don’t  hang  out  or  openly  hate  one  another  .  they  tolerate  one  another  ,  isn’t  that  enough  ?

       ──    *     𝑴 𝑰 𝑳 𝑨 𝑵   𝑩 𝑰 𝑨 𝑵 𝑪 𝑶     ──     best  friend  .  rome  had  met  milan  at  a  young  age  of  a  boring  party  his  father  had  dragged  him  to  and  they  couldn’t  help  but  be  anymore  different  .  milan  finding  a  way  to  hide  himself  in  isolation  had  intrigued  rome  to  leave  the  group  of  people  he  had  been  charming  and  thus  a  friendship  started  with  sitting  silently  and  reading  with  one  another  .  it  didn’t  take  long  for  rome  to  start  treating  the  other  as  his  younger  brother  ,  he  didn’t  tell  the  other  much  but  he  loved  him  to  the  end  of  the  earth  .

       ──    *     𝑶 𝑷 𝑯 𝑬 𝑳 𝑰 𝑨   𝑺 𝑶 𝑵 𝑮     ──     academic rival . these two hated each other from the minute they sat in same class ; rome was never openly smart he preferred excelling in silence but that didn’t stop him from finding someone who held different outlooks than him and that person happened to be ophelia . if she said something aloud , he rebutted , if she had a high grade , he had a percent higher . rome had a superiority complex and he wasn’t going to let ophelia song diminish it .

       ──    *     𝑻 𝒀 𝑩 𝑨 𝑳 𝑻   𝑺 𝑶 𝑵 𝑮     ──     friend  .  it  was  friendship  at  first  glance  ?  honestly  ,  these  two  are  friends  at  the  slimmest  point  :  they  don’t  trust  each  other  and  if  they  called  upon  their  loyalties  it  probably  wasn’t  one  another  but  they  had  one  thing  in  common  .  they  loved  bitching  about  ophelia  song  .  that  was  how  the  friendship  started  from  bitching  to  trouble  these  two  seem  to  be  somewhat  friends  .

wanted connection .

         ──     ▫     𝚅 𝙰 𝙽 𝙳 𝙴 𝚁 𝙱 𝙸 𝙻 𝚃        ❭        it’s  chaos  times  three  ,  they  cause  trouble  alone  but  when  you  put  them  together  it  is  absolute  chaos  .  they  say  to  never  make  a  deal  with  the  devil  ,  what  they  really  meant  was  never  make  a  deal  with  one  because  you’ll  get  three  of  them  asking  for  your  soul  .                                             ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by tybalt song .     ▫     one muse(s) open

        ──     ▫     𝙱 𝙻 𝙰 𝙲 𝙺 𝚆 𝙾 𝙾 𝙳       ❭        a  tragic  hate  turned  to  love  turned  back  to  hate  .  it’s  the  story  of  first  love  and  the  innocence  of  it  and  how  disastrous  it  can  become  .  how  people  who  grew  to  love  one  another  can  find  themselves  back  at  point  zero  .                                              ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none .     ▫     no muse(s) open

        ──     ▫     𝚆 𝙸 𝙽 𝙳 𝚂 𝙾 𝚁       ❭        you  can’t  be  rome  de  grimaldi  without  leaving  people  with  manipulation  and  deception  that  is  masked  with  a  charming  smile  .  maybe  they  were  fated  to  have  opposing  families  like  romeo  and  juliet  but  if  the  story  took  a  u-turn  and  romeo  was  actually  still  seeing  rosaline  while  stringing  along  juliet  .  it’s  almost  love  ,  it’s  almost  unrequited  but  most  of  all  it’s  most  definitely  leading  to  some  vendetta  for  vengeance  .                                            ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none .     ▫     one muse(s) open

        ──     ▫     𝙱 𝙰 𝚄 𝙳 𝙴 𝙻 𝙰 𝙸 𝚁 𝙴       ❭        this  is  pure  hate  between  two  .  give  me  rivalling  families  .  families  with  decades  or  centuries  of  bad  blood  between  one  another  .  give  me  a  harsh  childhood  rivalry  where  they  can’t  help  but  hate  one  another  .  give  me  them  finding  every  reason  to  hate  the  other  .  give  me  young  potter  vs  malfoy  vibes  .  feel  free  to  keep  the  sexual  tension  .                                            ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none .     ▫     one muse(s) open

        ──     ▫     𝚁 𝙴 𝙸 𝙽 𝙴       ❭        this  person  has  it  out  for  rome  ,  the  are  either  related  or  have  a  relation  with  the  marriage  rome  had  ruined  that  one  summer  .  they  know  exactly  what  happened  :  they  know  about  his  father  paying  them  off  ,  they  know  about  the  de  grimaldi  threats  ,  they  know  about  rome  leaving  the  woman  who’s  marriage  he  ruined  for  nothing  .  and  they  are  angry  .                                            ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none .     ▫     one muse(s) open

       ──     ▫     𝙲 𝙾 𝙻 𝙻 𝙸 𝙽 𝙶 𝚂 𝚆 𝙾 𝚁 𝚃 𝙷      ❭        this  is  a  typical  teammates  connection  with  rome  while  his  extracurriculars  are  based  around  lacrosse  ,  sailing  and  latin  club  .                                           ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none .     ▫     a fuck ton muse(s) open

       ──     ▫     𝙿 𝙴 𝙼 𝙱 𝚁 𝙾 𝙾 𝙺 𝙴       ❭        rome  is  smart  concerning  the  subject  of  s.t.e.m  and  that  makes  him  liable  to  have  a  few  student  he  tutors  but  he  doesn’t  do  it  out  of  the  kindness  of  his  heart  or  money  .  he  usully  wants  to  be  paid  with  something  he  could  use  for  his  benefit  .                                           ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none.     ▫     two muse(s) open

       ──     ▫     𝙳 𝚄 𝙱 𝙾 𝙸 𝚂      ❭        this  is  rome’s  eldest  sibling  connection  and  they  haven’t  seen  one  another  or  spoke  in  eighteen  years  .  they  grew  up  as  complete  opposites  after  their  parent’s  divorce  while  rome  grew  up  opulent  and  affluent  his  sibling  grew  up  on  the  opposite  side  of  tracks  with  their  mother  .  cape  coral  may  be  the  place  they  see  each  other  for  the  first  time  since  they  were  kids  .                                           ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none .     ▫     one muse(s) open

#capecoral:intro #⟣ 𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒊 ⟢ ── ❛ 𝑖 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑡𝘩𝑒𝑦 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚 ❜ ; intro. #── * 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒖𝒑𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

[harrison-abbott]

WHAT IT WAS LIKE IN THE FAMILY

When I was seventeen I was kinda adrift in the world. I smoked a lot of marijuana, somehow, despite not having a job. I think I was on the dole at that point actually and not really looking for work, or education, anything, just a bit of a spacehead, aloof, immature. … Anyway I was invited along to my Dad’s for a meal, with my twin brother, my eldest brother and his girlfriend, and my lil sis and ‘stepmum’ who stayed with Dad. We would very occasionally have meals at father’s. And I never quite enjoyed them because I was often the showcase of much familial bullying. … Anyway – again. I went over this one time. And eldest brother’s then-girlfriend (whom he eventually tried to marry, and failed; she dumped him after half a decade) had, very stupidly, remarked on how handsome I was the last time she saw me. She said I was, “the best looking of all the brothers”. Then when I arrived that day, stepmom clutched my hair and said, “Wow, if I was that age, uurgh, he is so goodlooking.” … Eldest took all of this as a threat to his masculinity and self esteem. And rather than seeing his girlfriend as the ditsy dotty idiot that she was, he just ripped the fuck out of me all night. Took the piss. When I tried to tell a story he would imitate my body language. Or voice – instantly do an impression of it. Or there were unprovoked moments where he’d take a pop, just languidly dish out an insult. Dad didn’t do anything, just stayed mute. Neither did my twin brother, albeit he wasn’t too bothered. Lil sis just watched, only being nine or so: she didn’t really get any of it, and only spectated with a child’s iris. Girlfriend thought it was cruel and she made a point of not laughing. Stepmom just loved it and she kept snickering, quietly, as if she wasn’t enjoying it, and was slightly drunk and did not offer much in the way of conversation herself. … This was pretty much a standard familial scene whilst I grew up. It was just what happened in my family. I don’t see why I shouldn’t right about it; this kind of thing was simply typical and nobody ever helped him or stuck up for him: then when I retaliated by going cold they were all so bemused at why I was being ‘aggressive’, why I wasn’t communicating. Nor has there ever been an apology or anything lightening about what happened, no proper ones anyway. And the same type of thing exists to this day, at the age of nearly 29, the remnants of the past – that culture of bullying – remains. … That is what it was like in the family. I’m allowed to be fucked off about it and I remember that French tutor in college too when I was eighteen nineteen. He just playfully bullied me across that entire term. Just for fun. Just treated me like a toy which he could abuse, as if I were a character in a videogame, something like that. … And actually I was thinking earlier – that famous (to me) moment when I blushed, on that second class, and he pointed it out in front of the 30 other people and was abusive and aggressive about it. That woulda happened almost ten years ago. Cos I started at Stevenson in either August or September 2011. Andtherestishistory. … So why am I still thinking about it, after a decade? Is it not because it’s only at this point that I’m finally labelling this man as a bully. Okay so what’s the definition of a bully, as a noun: ‘a blustering, mean, or predatory person who, from a perceived position of relative power, intimidates, abuses, harasses, or coerces people, especially those considered unlikely to defend themselves’. … This is an exact definition of that man in that college. … I don’t think it shows any worth in a man to do all that in a room full of young people. He musta been at least ten years older than I was; same as my eldest brother. There are many connections. … I just wish there was a way to allow all of that anger to pass. And not see why it’s relevant anymore. I still do get the aggressive reaction from other folks, mostly men. (This has come up several times in recent posts.) But it’s not as if I’m failing at life. I’m doing all right … I’m thinking about these past things in a new way, and not simply remembering being vulnerable, therefore labelling myself as a coward or wishing that I could return and be macho or say some kinda clever line or something or rip them back. I understand, now, and it’s taken me quite some time, that it was the issue with all of those other people, not me. They were the ones being mean and uncreative, backward, threatened, stupid. Not me. It was the same with the French girl who kept taking stabs at your writing. It was as ludicrously simple as that she was menaced by your stuff, and sought to attack rather than engage with it, and because she was so mean to you it made all of those comments far worse. … But again you don’t need to keep going over all of these things if they happened such a long time ago. Perhaps if you were to move on a bit more creatively with other people it would help. To speak to them about it and scout out their opinions. Because most folks aren’t bullies. They are simply scared of bullies just as most folks are. But some of us aren’t so young and fragile anymore. And it shows in their objective achievements, quite often surpassing those handful of individuals who bothered you in the past, by quite some distance.

[catholicismabusedestiny]

The Early Years

07.04.1990

The Formative Years

I wish I could say that I had a childhood filled with wonderful memories, but the truth is, I was so miserable, truly scared, frightened and incredibly lonely most of the time with a preoccupation of suicide from the age of twelve.  My childhood experiences – and the perceptions that were cemented into my unconsciousness – involved the two basic parts of my life: my family and my relationship with my father; and my time away from home in school, on the playground and in “trying” to do things for approval – like participating in sports.

At home, my father traveled a great deal and – before he would leave on one of his business trips – he would look me in the eyes and tell me to look after my siblings and help my mother out with the kids and the meals. I learned early on that the only way to get parental approval was by helping out around the house – doing dishes, changing diapers, watching the younger kids and being a helper to my mother.

I can remember my father telling me that when my mother was expecting her sixth child (which was born some sixteen months after the fifth child) that she was not to lift the baby in and out of the crib in the final stages of her pregnancy; therefore, he asked me to make certain that if Stephen needed to be lifted into or out of the crib that I should do it. Therefore, during that sixth and final pregnancy, I worked like hell to make things easier for my mother, seek attention and approval from my father and to take care of my siblings.  Then, once my baby sister was born, I clearly remember changing diapers, feeding the baby and watching the other kids while Mom was cooking or resting.

As I looked back at these times as an early adult, I realized that I was pretty damn young to be taking on the responsibilities I did as a young child when you consider that there is eight years between Stephen and I and only nine and a half years between my baby sister (Katie) and I. Judging by today’s parenting standards, it would have been almost cruel to expect an eight year old child to change diapers, do dishes and tend to several younger siblings.  However, it wasn’t the caring for my siblings that was challenging, difficult or painful.  After all, it was performing these functions and tasks that provided me the only positive reinforcements I can recall.  

The challenges I alluded to above had to primarily do with my father.  To fully understand how and why our relationship was so troubled you have to understand how he was raised.  He was the middle child of three boys.  The eldest brother, Uncle Chuck, was the one that lived several blocks away.  It was his kids that went to school with us – with his eldest two being the Village all star athletes and valedictorians.  

Uncle Chuck was the fair child golden haired boy to my grandparents (at least that’s the way my father believed it to be his entire life).  Even as a child, I could see that Grandma and Grandpa favored Uncle Chuck.  Not only was he their eldest child, but he was the only one of the three sons to serve in the Korean War.  Moreover, he trained and became a fighter Pilot.  After the war, he went on to become a Senior Captain with American Airlines.  This allowed Uncle Chuck to not only provide a good standard of living to his family (something my father tried desperately to do his entire career), but it also allowed my grandparents to fly anywhere in the world for free.

While I am not sure of the exact circumstances of my father’s childhood, I do know that – due to the depression – his parents (like my mother’s parents) married later in life.  Consequently, by the time my father was born his father was already 40ish. I recall my dad saying on more than one occasion that he has no memory of his father being anything but an old sick man.  

Since Grandpa was in poor health much of his adult life, I recall that everyone doted on him left and right.  In fact, Grandma did all the driving, cooked all the meals and babied him like he was a lost puppy anytime I was around them.  However, in my father’s formative years, I perceive that Grandpa often compared Dad to Uncle Chuck who was more athletic, got better grades, was more well liked and was generally more popular in the community. At the same time, based on what my mother told me, Grandpa did not spare the rod.  My father, as I’m sure his brothers, were disciplined harshly with beatings and spankings until such a time as Grandpa became to ill and old to raise a hand to them.

With my father’s relationships with his father and his older brother serving as a back drop – combined with my father’s own worries about money, providing for his family, insecurities about self-worth and a tendency to drink too much in the evenings – he and I were set up from the very beginning to be adversaries.  While he insisted (at the earliest age I have memories) that I take care of my siblings and help out around the house, when he came back from one of his business trips it was another story.  

To begin with, he never seemed to be in a good mood when he came home and really resented my over-protection tendencies of my siblings – particularly during the Quincy Street years.  Because he was often prone to “blow-up” over minor things and direct his anger at whomever was closest, I was get between whoever he was directing his anger toward and him.  I knew how much his fist could hurt and I’d rather be the recipient of his anger than anyone else in the family.  I often thought that he must either hate his job, or the pressure to provide for his family stressed him out that he took out his frustrations on those who could not push back (i.e. his family).  

In fact, when he was home, the environment of the house changed dramatically from one where everyone went about their business without much of a worry to one where there was a sense of fear and anxiety by everyone. I recall vividly how, on many occasions, we’d still down to dinner (8 people at the table with at least one in a high chair) and my father would say “I had a bad day.  I want absolute silence for the next half hour; no one is to say one word during this meal – or else!”

After a few minutes you could cut the tension with a knife and, before long, the baby in the high chair feels this tension and begins to cry after which a few other tear up knowing that they can’t say or express anything “or else.”  The “or else” with my father was him hitting you and, since my chair at the dinner table was next to my father, I was an easy reach for him.

Nevertheless, as I sat watching a room full of children petrified and not even eating due to the cloud of anger hanging above the entire table, I’d eventually speak up and say something to the effect of “just because you had a bad day is no excuse to demand that the 7 of us remain completely quiet as not to disrupt your mood or thoughts..”  SMACK!  And, with that, my father and I would get into it.  I couldn’t stand watching him act like Hitler and demand that everyone act as he wishes “or else” and, if it meant that I’d get hit, it was worth it to me that these kids could feel as though someone was sticking up for them as my Mother was unable to do so.

Depending upon how angry he was, or how much he had had to drink, would depend upon what he would do to me.  Fortunately, by the time we moved to Thurlow St. in 1971, I was 12/13 and I’d learned never to put myself in a physical location whereby he could get to me easily.  Generally speaking, by the age of 12, I would say something (knowing he’d come after me) from a safe distance where I could run out the front or back door until he cooled down and I could return.  

However, as we all know, by 14 (and me being 6’ tall), I could run, he couldn’t catch me and, if called upon, I could defend myself; therefore, he would get even more angry and, on those occasions, he would throw me out, disown me and tell everyone else in the family that I was not to be contacted because I was a loser who would never amount to anything (all for sticking up for everyone else!).