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#i personally think bella is the worst
probayern · 3 months
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went on a plane, had a normal plane epiphany about my life, texted my best friend about it, subsequently realized i haven't been talking to anyone in my life like. actually. about how bad this year has been lmao
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calamitydaze · 1 year
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they’re so miserable because they get angry when ccs aren’t perfect and/or don’t do what they want. And so they channel that into creating conspiracies and finding double meanings in everything every cc says or does. They throw a fit and harass ccs when lore doesn’t go their way and then also throw a fit when ccs don’t want to do lore. They say irl situations are serious and then treat them unseriously by inserting themselves into it. They can’t look at the world with nuance so they have to claim one person is the source of all evil and everyone else is actually good but is being manipulated, or is young and confused.
anon you're spitting with this one i don't even have anything to add it's just correct
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astrologydayz · 5 months
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ASTROLOGY FUCKING NOTES
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WHY do people say that if someone's planets falls into your 7th house, then YOU'RE THEIR IDEAL LOVER??? Bitch bye. If someone's planets falls into YOUR 7th house, then U DIG THEM OR HATE EM, AS IT'S YOUR 7TH HOUSE! Let's say that your crush planets falls into your 1st and 7th house, then obviously u like their looks (1st house) and the way they show themselves off 2 other people, (how they treat other people/people u know (7th house! Don't project.
Pluto conjunct Ascendant in synastry, is a stalker aspect🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️. It kinda reminds me of Hailey running around after Justin at his interviews, when they were young and he had no idea🤨🫣😭🤣 . SO FUCKING CREEPY. Pluto is obsessed, and way 2 "fixated" on the asc person. It can get dangerous, cuz ASC person has no idea about how deeply the obsession runs with Pluto, fr💀. The worst part is that they usually know that the Pluto person can be kinda "creepy", but not about how deep it actually runs. U won't ever really know with Pluto, cuz they won't even give out 20% of their secrets - they can't help it. Unless they literally have no aspects from Pluto 2inner planets in their own natal chart.
Your Bella asteroid - 695 conjunct/trine/quintile someone’s ASC means that the ASC person finds u really beautiful, (physical attraction) 🍒🫦. With the opposition it's on & off, like sometimes yeah and other times no - It switches. With the square/quincunx - takes time, but grows into a really strong attraction, the longer you're 2gether/know each other.
Why the fuck do people think that 8th house energy is mostly about sex and intense connections? If a persons has planets in your 8th house = does not like u 9/10 times. They'll talk shit about u when u ain't present/gaslight u/do things behind your back. They're usually jealous of u. Trying 2 cross your personal boundaries all the fucking time. WHO GOT TIME4THAT?? NOT ME LOVE⚠⚠.
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Why do Cap inner placements/points always get a "boring", or a "cold" rep? We just don't like u? Trust me. We'll show u a good time, if we think you're worth it.
Jupiter is not only good. It enlarges EVERYTHING. So if someone has Sado asteroid (118230) conjunct Jupiter in their natal chart = a very smart/knowledgeable Sadist. They want to know everything! Hours&hours of research. They can't get enough with Jupiter! They're into some sick shit, and can use some really AGGRESSIVE ways 2 create that "pain and suffering". "shhh, I'm here baby, it's okay"🤨. 9/10 times = addiction 2 being that Sado "teacher" with Jupiter here🔞🔞. They can even brag about it!
Nessus asteroid - 7066 in synastry can definitely cause sexual attraction. But the Nessus person will always take advantage of the other person, no matter what. It may not be as "in your face"/prominent, like it is with the conjunction/square/opposition, but it will take place. Some can like Nessus contacts in synastry, if they have Nessus aspecting their own planets - especially inner planets, or points. And they can also handle Nessus energy way more, than someone who doesn't really have any Nessus contact, as they're already used to it. It doesn't make it good tho.
WOMEN with Black Moon Lilith conjunct/square/opposite Mars can hate being touched by men. Can also have trouble regarding intimacy with men in general/bc of their experiences with them🪚🪚. I have this, and if a man touches me out of nowhere = I'll punch him back 2 the year he should have stayed in a fucking condom 🦄.
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Lilith asteroid - 1181) in 3rd house synastry can mean that the house persons siblings doesn't like Lilith if it's "poorly" aspected😮‍💨😮‍💨. Or that house persons siblings doesn't even want 2 try 2 create a relationship, because they already heard so much "shit" about Lilith🫠🫠.
💜 Pluto conjunct asteroid Valentine - 447) in a natal chart loves so fucking hard. They'll literally take a bullet 4 the person they love. They don't “create” a connection with anyone easy either. They're so intense when it comes 2 love, and with how they connect 2 another being. They transform/find themselves - Pluto, through those few people they do end up loving. Most people can't handle their intense ways of showing love🖤🔫.
Inner planets in Gemini degrees 3/15/27° in a natal chart are the real champions, when it comes to overthinking - but knowing everything beforehand. They already thought about ALL the different outcomes, 2 every fucking situation!🫰🫠😍🤭. They already know what time it is, before u tryna tell em.
Look at your Vertex persona chart 2 c what kind of fated things you're supposed2 go through in this life ✍👀. Make a synastry chart and c if your Vertex chart makes any significant aspects 2 your natal! It can show important life events/secret fated "events" that won't be seen in just natal or Vertex pc alone👽.
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Lol, I'VE SEEN A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THAT ARIES RISING WILL HAVE RED HAIR, OR COLOR THEIR HAIR RED AT SOME POINT? I'm an Aries rising, and I would rather get shot in the face. I'm naturally blonde, and honestly? I haven't met a single Aries rising who has red hair, or would color their hair red.
Anti - Vertex persona chart shows what YOU choose2 let into your life, and what u choose 2 do without fate intervening. It also shows u how u choose 2 act, in moments where u find no "meaning", and that's where your Vertex pc comes in right after - Fate intervening 🔮🔮.
Pluto opposite ASC/conjunct DSC in synastry can show the Pluto person deciding/or trying to at least, who the house person talks 2/surrounds themselves with. They can think a person is "bad company" 4 the house person. They can be in DSC persons business, a lot! House person is alarmed/or not, depending on how Pluto is aspected in their own chart. If Pluto is afflicted = they kinda like it.
ANYONE who has benefitted/benefits from me = a planet/point/NN/Vertex/asteroid conjunct my POF. Your POF is all the things (material/or spiritual wealth/growth), u have "picked up" on/will pick up on throughout your life. U "help" others with that planet/point or asteroid in synastry💰🦉💳.
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Star asteroids - Starr - 4150), Kallisto - 204), Fama - 408), Europe - 52), actor - 12238), Lumiere - 775 - acting, Apollo - 1862), Talent - 33154), Klio - 84), Fan - 151590), Records - 30718), Varuna - 20000) Webb - 3041).
✨✨✨✨🎭🎬🎨
Music, writing&poetry asteroids - Polyhymnia - 33), Euterpe - 27), Apollo - 1862), Terpsichore - 81 - song and dance) Luscinia - 713 - Singing), Melpomene - 18, Harmonia - 40), Erato - 62), Kalliope - 22), Singer - 10698), Cantor - 16246 - singing), Poesia - 946), Parthenope - 11 - singing), Tone - 1266), Echo - 60), Mnemosyne - 57). 
🎤🎧🎼
"Lucky asteroids" - Fortuna (19), Opportunities - 39382), Paradise - 2791), Winner - 15606), Abundantia - 151), Angel - 11911), Bless - 92891), Bonus - 10028), Tyche - 258), Midas - 1981), Magion - 2696), Spirit - 37452), Nike - 307).
🍀🍀🍀
Please look at these asteroids in synastry. Prey - 6157), Sado - 118230), Devience - 21419), Nessus - 7066), Pain - 5188), Lie - 26955), Blink - 4425), Nemesis - 128), Swindle - 8690), Lilith - 1181), Hades - h41), wild - 1941), Fanatica - 1589), Medea - 212), Savage - 29837), Not - 2857), Pervert - 18624), Hard - 28077). 
🔞
THANKS4READING BABE!!
Appreciate u, always❤️
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chaengluva · 9 days
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Massive Deal [1]
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This is the full story version of Too much of a massive deal, it will be a few chapters!
Regina George x Fem!Reader: Part 1: 3.7k words including intro
Btw, if you think things are going to fast or what not, this is like 3 of my wattpad chapters in one, so i don’t have to do to many updates and theres not as many parts.
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Introduction
It was really unrealistic, I mean, having a crush on Regina George? When you told your best friend she said she wasn't surprised, It was almost the same reaction when you told her you were lesbian. You tell your best friend everything, she's the only person you truly trust in your friend group. Her name is Bella Christensen
You love all your friends but you were friends with Bella during elementary school, you told her you were lesbian and you haven't told your family yet, she's been a really good friend about it and hasn't said anything.
The worst part about having a crush on Regina George is being related to her best friend, Gretchen, you guys don't talk much because she is always with Regina, you just think it would be weird dating your sisters best friend.
Like the thought of Bella dating Gretchen makes you want to throw up inside.
You know this crush was just some silly teenager thing that will go away, you know she's not lesbian and most likely homophobic, so when you get into your senior year of high school you're plan for the year is to study hard (MOVE ON FROM REGINA GEORGE) and to have fun.
What will happen? Will Regina like You? Will people turn against each other?
“I fucking hate High School”
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The sound of your loud alarm started to go off, waking you up instantly and you groaned, summer break goes way too quickly. You take all the energy inside you to move your hand and press the snooze button on your phone, wanting to sleep for some extra you close your eyes but then open again at the sound of your door opening, it was Gretchen, what the fuck is she doing up this early?
She made her way to your closet and started throwing your clothes everywhere, making a mess. "Gretchen! What are you doing?" Your sister rolls her eyes answering, "I'm looking for my white blouse, the one you wore on the last day of school." You get up out of bed and rush to your closet before she ruins anything else and searches through your doors, finally finding it. "Here it is." She smiles slightly, "Thanks sis." You smile and think about heading back to bed but you decide not to, you know if you went back in you would never get out again.
You looked through your closet, groaning seeing the limited choices, "Ugh! I have nothing to wear," You looked at the weather, wanting to dress appropriately for the weather. You see that it is quite warm, you sigh and leave your room, sneaking into your sister's room. She has a lot of good clothes.
You take a blue shirt and a white skirt, hoping that she doesn't notice you in her room. When you leave her room you bump into her, hiding the clothes you took behind your back (as if she hasn't already seen them) So she doesn't get mad, your sister sighs. "Fine, I'll do your makeup too."
She brings you into her bathroom and does a small natural look, and finding you a better outfit, you look at yourself in the mirror, "Damn, all the boys will be crushing on you." Gretchen says, applying a little more mascara, you hesitate but nod at her works, not wanting to tell her the truth.
"I'll add lip gloss after you eat." She smiles and the two of you go down stairs, greeting your mom before going to the kitchen to get some breakfast. Gretchen has some avocado toast and juice, while you just had some cereal.
The two of you sit on the table, she talks about how she is excited to start the year. It's crazy how different she can be at home compared to at school. Everyone in school knows that the two of you are related but you never sit with each other.
You thought about how you would move on from Regina, your best idea was to just ignore her at all costs, every time you see her you stare at her with heart eyes, but she will never dare to look back at you. You sigh deeply, lost in your thoughts, thinking about the first time you realised you liked Regina.
Flashback
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You were sitting with Bella, it was the last first day of middle school, you decided to start the year by trying out for the cheer team, you were very nervous because you know that everyone sitting here as already tried out and made the team, you were the only, who was trying to do it for the first time.
They called your name, Bella cheered loudly, you giggled, getting up off the bench, you stood there nervously as the judges sighed a few things, you stood there awkwardly. They told you to start and you started to do your audition, you did a few tricks, after you were done you saw that there were smiles on their faces.
They all told you that they would be in contact, you nodded and walked back to your friend, she smiled brightly, giving you a big hug. "You did so well!" You smiled, hugging her back, you also felt like you did quite well.
The two of you walked out of the gym and walked into the change room so you could change out of your sweaty clothes, when you walked in, you gasped at the sight. Regina George standing there in her bra and tight leggings, you have never taken a close look at her body before, you must have been staring for a while because you had lost focus for everything else that was going on.
Bella waved her hand in front of your face to make you come back into reality. You jumped looking at her and she looked at you with a confused look, walking away she could change. Fuck, you were like every guy at the school, you had a crush on Regina George.
End of flashback
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A similar situation was happening out, while you were thinking of this moment you were clearly spaced out, Gretchen shook your body to bring you back into reality. Damn, moving on from Regina will be harder than you think, she can still make you feel the same butterflies like she did in middle school.
"Regina is giving me a lift to school if you want to come." You thought that would be awkward as hell, you were honestly confused as to why Gretchen was asking you. You awkwardly laugh saying, "Oh.. It's okay, Bella is picking me up!" Gretchen nods, grabbing her purse, before walking out the door.
You grab your phone and call Bella, she answers instantly, "Hey! Y/n!" You smile at how happy she sounds, "Hey Bella, when will you be here?" You ask, only so you can know how long you have to get ready. "I'll be there in 10 minutes, " You rolled your eyes, Bella would always be late.
It was like Bella could hear you rolling your eyes, "What! My alarm didn't go off!" She defended, making up an excuse. You giggled, "Yeah sure, I'll see you soon." You say hanging up the phone, you look over and see that Gretchen didn't put her dishes away, being the better sister, you get up and put both yours and hers in the sink.
You go upstairs to brush your teeth and fix your hair, you put on both deodorant and perfume, you start to apply your lip gloss but you hear a car horn beeping which messes you up, and she doesn't stop. "Jesus Christ! Bella I'm coming!" You yell, as if she could hear you.
You grab your back and quickly rush outside the door, rushing into her car, you give Bella a massive hug, you don't feel her hug back which you find strange, you pull away and you see that she is looking at you with a glare, "What?"
"Y/n, you look like a fucking plastic."
Bella parked outside the school smiling happily at you. "So" Bella started, "When will I decorate my car park?" She asked, you smiled back, hitting her leg, "Soon." You smile, getting out of her car, waiting for her to come to your side so you could link arms and walk into school.
"I'm so annoyed we don't have many classes together," Bela groaned, leaning her head on her shoulder, smiling at you, you look into her eyes and smile at her, "Yeah but one class is better than none." You mention she nods, taking her head off her shoulder.
"I can't believe we have maths first." Bella groans, walking into homeroom sitting down on the table, you sat down on the table next to her, rolling your eyes at her, "At least we are in the same class first period." You mention but Bella jumps in, "I have PE right after!" You laugh at her, "That sucks, I have English."
You roll your eyes, throw your head on the desk, lie down until the bell rings, Bella laughs at you, "Jesus Christ, first day and you're already falling asleep in class?" You look up at her, glaring into her eyes, making her laugh more. "Don't try to be intimidating with me."
The bell finally rang, everyone was happy to be out of the homeroom, but not excited to start class. You and Bella decide to take the long way to get to class because the two of you really hate maths.
Luckily, maths class went quickly and now you were in English class, you didn't see anyone that you knew in the class so you decided to sit alone, on the table in the back. Soon after the class started Regina walked in, not even looking at the teacher or saying sorry for being late.
You looked around the class and noticed that the only available seat was next to you, so you moved your stuff without her asking, for the whole lesson you were breathing heavily while she didn't look your way once, she was actually just on her phone the whole lesson.
Probably texting her stupid boyfriend.
Finally, the class was over and it was time for the first break. You met up with Bella, who was sitting under a tree. Eventually, all your other friends join up, you were a bit sad that a few had moved schools, but the group was still close, it just wouldn't be the same.
"So how your guys' classes?." Jennie asks, smiling, you groan, "I have Regina In my English class." Everyone else groans, feeling bad for you but Bella smirks, hitting your shoulder, making sure to do it quickly so no one sees.
"I can't believe you're related to Gretchen." Charlie commented, giggling looking over at Jennie, you chuckled, nodding your head, "Yeah me too, but at the end of the day she is my sister and I love her." The two girls just roll their eyes, you look at Bella who gives you a sympathetic look, you just shake your head, you weren't bothered by them.
The four of you continue to talk, none of you notice Oliver Kim walking over to you. "Hey, Y/n, I was just wondering if you like to go out tonight." You look at Bella, still feeling slightly bad to reject some nice looking people. You open your mouth to answer, but you hear someone else talk. "She would love to!" Oliver smiles, "Great, I'll text you the details."
"Jennie!" You exclaim, "What! You have never been on a date with a guy! you deserve this." She says, rubbing your knee. You sighed knowing she was just trying to be a good friend and she doesn't know that you are lesbian, so you try your best not to get hurt by it.
The bell rang, everyone quickly gathered their stuff and rushed out to their class. You walked to your chemistry class, it sucked that it was on the opposite side of the school. You walk into the class and observe the people in the class, you see Janis sitting alone.
You weren't friends with Janis but you weren't enemies, you smiled, walking over, "Hey!" you say, she smiles, looking up at you, you smile back, "Can I sit here?" You ask, feeling a little nervous, she smiled at you, moving her stuff so you could sit down, you sat down smiling at her, taking your stuff out, she looked over at you and smiled.
You took notes on the lesson, It was around half way through the lesson, you felt Janis tap you on the shoulder, "What other classes are you in this year." She smiled at you, you smiled back at her, telling her what classes you were in, you were surprised and happy to find out that.
You put your attention back to the teacher, you wrote down a lot of notes because if you were being honest, you were scared for this year, so you wanted to do your best in the classes. At the end of class, you and Janis had art next, "Hey so, do you want to walk to art together."
You smile nodding, walking to art with her, you start to talk about what you guys did over the summer. You walk inside and you smile when you see Damien, you know Janis and Damien are close so you let Janis go off to be with him. "Damien! You know Y/n." She smiles, He smiles back, "Of course I do, she's beautiful!" He exclaims, you giggle, looking down slightly shy with the complement.
"Class, Listen up!" Everyone turns their heads to the teacher, she continues to speak once everyone is paying attention, "Today we will paint freestyle, you can paint whatever you want." You smile, go through the paint box grabbing what you need, you look up images on your laptop, to get some ideas on what you can paint.
You settle on a landscape of a flower field, you put on an apron because you know Gretchen would murder you. You started to work on the painting, making sure to stay very focused. Janis sees this as a perfect opportunity to talk to Damien.
She pulls him into the other side of the classroom, making sure that there is no way that you would be able to hear, leaning in close she opens her mouth to talk, "Girl, you're way too close!" Damien says, too loud for Janis' liking. She quickly shushes him, backs up slightly and whispers.
"I think I like y/n."
Damien looked at You then looked at Janis, "You.. Like her?" Janis nods quickly. Damien rolls her eyes. "She's like the straightest girl here." Damien exclaimed, Janis hit him on the shoulder. "Ow!" He said, grabbing his shoulder, Janis rolled her eyes at him saying, "It shouldn't hurt that bad.." He glares at her his arm didn't really hurt, he was just being dramatic. "Anyway, you can't assume someone's sexuality!" Janis said a little too loudly, grabbing the attention of a few people.
"Look, my point is that. She's really pretty." Janis smiles, looking at You as if she could get lost in your eyes, "You know she's related to Gretchen." Damien whispers, Janis looks back at him, rolling her eyes before saying, "So what? You literally date Regina's ex boyfriend." Damien hits Janis softly, not too hard to the point where it hurts, they go back to greet you, gasping at the amazing process.
"Wow! You did that all just now?" Janis exclaims happily, you nod but don't say anything back, you don't want to lose your focus on the artwork, Janis smiles behind you, admiring your focus in the artwork, you have no Idea how she is looking at you, but she is looking at you the same way you looked at Regina George in middle school, the time you realised you liked her.
You looked back and she looked away, making you smile brightly. The teacher says that the bell will ring soon so everyone should start to pack up. You signed, packing your things and cleaning the supplies. You waved goodbye to Janis and Damien, knowing you would see Janis in PE.
You head to the cafeteria, smiling when you see your best friend, you sit down on the table, sitting next to Bella, you decide to wait for the line to die down before getting food.
You smile at her but she doesn't smile back. You look at her confused. "What's up?" You ask, honestly confused. She pulls you close so no one else hears, "I'm saying this before they come, aren't you worried about that date with Oliver tonight?"
You sigh, you had forgotten about that. You're very self-conscious so texting him or bailing on him wasn't even an option, and Bella knew this. She tried to comfort you the best she could because she knew as soon as Charlie and Jennie would come over, they would not shut up about it.
You heard the two girls walk over and just like you and Bella guessed, they didn't shut up. "Oh my god! I can't believe you're going out with Oliver Kim!" Jennie said happily, "Yeah!" You say, trying your best to actually sound happy, you look over at the line and see that it's smaller now. "I'm going to get my lunch." Hoping up, you go and grab a tray and line up to get your lunch.
In the line you could feel someone's eyes on on, they were standing next to you and you couldn't make out who it was, you decided to glance to the side to see if you can make out who it is, you smile brightly when you see it is Janis, pay for your food then sit down, smiling at your friends, "How was your classes?" Charlie asks, looking at you, smiling, you say, "Good, we did painting in art already!" They all smile brightly.
Lunch goes by quickly and you have to rush to the change room to get in your PE clothes, when you get in the change room with Janis you gasp at the sight, it was like you were back in middle school again, Regina George was there, in her sports bra. She was in the same PE class as you.
You don't notice how long you are staring at her, a loud voice brings you back to reality, it was Janis this time. She pulled you to the side, a space where no one could see. "You were staring at Regina.." She says, with almost a hint of sadness in her voice, you shake your head, wanting to deny it. "I wasn't! I swear."
She rolls her eyes, "You were staring at her boobs!" She whispers, yells, you sigh, looking down at the floor. "Y/n?" She asks, making you look up. "Yeah?" You ask, wanting her to continue, "Are you.. Gay?" She asks and you stare at her in shock, "No, I'm not!" You exclaim, scarred that Bella might have told someone. "I think you might be.." She adds, which makes you more upset. "You have no right to tell me my sexuality."
You push past her and go to change into your PE clothes, not bothering to even look at her when you exit the change room, or on the field, the teacher asks everyone to get into two teams and you try your best to not be in the same team as Janis, but just your luck you ended up on her team, along with Regina and a few other people.
The teacher asked everyone to do soccer drills, you couldn't help but stare at Regina, she looked so hot in a high ponytail. Fuck, you're doing in again y/n. You brush yourself out of it this time, you focus on ignoring how pretty Regina looks and ignore Janis' many attempts to talk to you, the only thing you should focus on is worrying about the date tonight.
For a boy you don't even like, the gender you don't like.
You must have been lost in your thoughts because the next thing you remember is a ball being kicked to your stomach and you were clutching it, struggling to catch your breath, you look over and see to girls laughing, you don't know their names but you can tell that they are new and already don't like you. "Hey! Assholes!" You hear someone yell, but you can't make out who it is.
You feel someone grab your hand and sit you down, you look over and see Janis, she is holding your water bottle and allows you to drink some of her water. You look at her with sad eyes, "I'm sorry for being a bitch." Janis just giggles, "It's okay, I'm sorry for assuming anything." You smile, nodding your head, drinking the water that Janis gave you. God you're good at covering your sexuality up, it's become natural.
"Hey, you okay?" You look up and you're surprised to see Regina standing there asking if you are okay, you try your best to play it cool but she is wearing a white top and a black bra, you try your best not to stare so you just quickly answer, "Yeah, I'm okay now." She nods, running away to other people in the class, your eyes follow her, a smile slowly creeps up on your face. "Y/n." You hear Janis call out. You turn your head back to her, "Yeah?"
"Wanna hang out with Damien and I tonight? We are going to stay at mine and watch movies, I'll give you a lift to school!" You frown slightly, you want to go, but you have other plans, "Sorry I can't tonight." You can see that she looks sad, "But hey! If my plans end early! I'll join you guys!" Her facial expression changes and she smiles brightly, "Can't wait!"
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Now this is gonna be a little confusing, let me know if you would like a page that has a list of all the main characters/oc’s because there are quite a few.
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gravehags · 7 months
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something so precious
Pairing: Cardinal Copia x f!Reader (Curator!Reader)
Rating: Teen
Tags: reader being sad and lonely, comfort from darling Copia, terzo being a scheming little matchmaker, mention of RATS OHWHOOOOAHHHH
Words: 1,461
Summary: When Terzo asks you to eat dinner with the rest of the abbey, how bad can it get?
a/n: I hc Copia as being an extremely lonely person, particularly when he's a Cardinal, so naturally he would be the best person to receive comfort from when you're feeling isolated and alone.
~~~
“Terzo?” you ask, leaning back in your squeaky leather chair. “Why do none of the siblings speak to me?”
Papa Emeritus III, currently sitting on your desk twirling a pen between his fingers as he hides from whatever duties Imperator has requested of him on this day, stops his movement and looks at you askance.
“Well obviously, bella,” he starts in that smooth voice you’ve come to recognize as the signature tune he uses when he wants to convince someone of something, usually involving accompanying him to bed, “it is your immense beauty. Your stunning intellect. Your–”
You lean forward in your chair abruptly with a tired expression on your face.
“Cut the bullshit, please,” you say, snatching the pen out of his grasp, “I’ve been here almost a month and not a single person other than you, the other papas, Cardinal Copia, and Sister Imperator has approached me. Are my vibes that bad? Is it because I’m not a member of the church?”
“Eh…” he begins hesitantly, “the best guess I have is because you’re basically upper clergy, dolcezza. Most siblings don’t casually associate with anyone higher in rank unless it’s for…” his painted lips quirk into a lascivious grin, “...other reasons.”
You frown. “Upper clergy? How exactly am I upper clergy? I’m literally just an employee?”
“Well,” he says, hopping off the edge of your desk and slipping into the chair opposite you, “a cardinal once held the position you do. Performed the same duties you are performing. Therefore in a way, your status is equal to that of a cardinal. Capisci?”
“Oh,” you say, somewhat deflated. Terzo immediately picks up on your tone and hops out of his seat to stand by your side and take your hands.
“Come to the dining hall tonight, eh? I know you’re content to eat alone in your rooms but it will be good for you, I promise.”
You’ve been avoiding the dining hall like the plague since you got here, preferring to eat your sad bowls of cereal on your couch every night. Maybe it would do you good to have an actual square meal. You nod at him and he beams, squeezing your hands.
“Bene! I’m sure you will find your place at the abbey soon, mia ragazza.”
He pats a gloved hand on your cheek and bounds out of your office to go cause mischief elsewhere. You sigh deeply and prop your elbows on your desk.
“It will be fine,” you murmur to yourself before turning back to the work you had abandoned when Terzo came in, “you will be fine.”
This, you decided, was the worst fucking idea.
When you first walked into the vast dining hall you were taken aback by its beauty. Paneled walls lined the room and a dramatic arched wooden ceiling soared above you. After you finished gazing at your surroundings, you were hit with the fact that half the room was staring at you.
Oh fuck, you think, skittering over to the food line in an effort to blend in better. You gratefully take your bowl of hearty vegetable stew and sizeable hunk of crusty bread and turn around to face the room. Siblings eye you, whispering amongst themselves and suddenly you’re struck with the worst pit of anxiety in your stomach. The room is filled with a number of tables in varying sizes and as you scan the room, your heart sinks when you realize there are no empty tables. Shuffling with your food into the center of the room you’re about to panic and give up entirely when you turn to a four-person table in a corner with one occupant.
Cardinal Copia.
He’s hunched over his bowl, delicately spooning stew into his mouth when he spots you hustling towards him. Dropping his spoon, his mismatched eyes go wide as you approach the table, jaw falling open slightly.
“Can I, um,” you begin in a hushed voice, “can I sit with you?”
A beat passes and you’re starting to wonder if he heard you when he rockets out of his seat, straightening his black cassock. Before you can say anything he’s drawing a chair out for you, gesturing for you to sit.
“Please, signorina!” he says in a hushed, almost reverent tone as you take a seat. “Your company is eh, most welcome.” Copia returns to his own seat and gives you a nervous little smile that makes you smile in return. Graciously, he upturns your glass and fills it with water from the carafe sitting next to him on the table.
“Thank you,” you say, mirroring his hushed tone. “Thank you so much. This place…this place is like high school all over again,” you say in a rush as you finally spoon some much needed quality food into your mouth.
“Is it?” he asks, “I ah…wouldn’t know.”
You cock your head and your brows draw together.
“How so?” you say, leaning forward to take another spoonful of the delicious stew.
“I completed all my schooling within the church,” he says, pushing a carrot around his bowl.
“Oh! Were you raised in the church then?” you ask, truly intrigued.
“Sì…in Roma. I’ve been groomed for this position,” he sighs heavily, “my whole life.”
You had no idea the depth and breadth of the church’s reach throughout the world. Truly it both baffled and fascinated you. Not knowing quite what to say to his revelation, you both continue eating in silence.
“How are you…how are you liking it here?” he asks with a hint of concern.
“It’s beautiful. I can’t imagine a prettier place to live and work.”
“That’s not what I meant, signorina.” His eyes, particularly the white one that almost glows, burn into yours.
“I…” your voice chokes up a little so you clear your throat, “I don’t have a lot of people to talk to. No one will speak to me, you know? I left all my friends behind and I’m so isolated now and–” you cut yourself off, feeling the tears welling in your eyes. He looks startled by your confession, and reaches a gloved hand across the table to take yours. When he looks at you with more softness than you have seen from anyone in a very long time, you let out an embarrassing sob.
“I know,” he whispers, thumb stroking your knuckles. “Believe me, signorina. I know.”
You wipe your tears with the cloth napkin at the table almost viciously, feeling humiliated that you’ve let Copia of all people see you like this. You hold him in such high esteem and you cringe at what he must think of you now.
“I’m sorry,” you blurt out, removing your hand from his. “I…Christ this is so mortifying.”
“Not mortifying at all, signorina. I asked you a question and you answered with your heart. I…want to be someone you come to when you are feeling like this, sì?”
You nod, smiling at him gratefully as you watch him pick up his hunk of bread. He’s so…so wonderful and empathetic and charming and lovely and…and he’s currently picking apart his bread into tiny chunks and placing them within his napkin.
“Um,” you begin inelegantly, unsure of how to proceed, “what are you doing?”
“Hmm?” he looks up at you and his cheeks redden when he realizes you’ve been watching him. “Oh I…eh…”
You nod conspiratorially. “Midnight snack, huh?”
His painted lips twist into a smile and he chuckles, causing you to smile again.
“Not for me…for my bambini.”
“Peculiar babies who eat table scraps, no?”
“Eh…they’re…they’re rats.”
He’s positively glowing with embarrassment but your smile gets even wider.
“Oh!” you cry, clapping your hands together, “tell me about them! Can I meet them?”
He swallows several times before cracking a nervous half-smile.
“Sì, of course! They are such sweet little things…”
He’s got such a fond look in his eye, but you’re not sure if it’s regarding his rats or you. The thought makes you flush and look down at your lap.
“I’m glad Terzo told me to come to dinner tonight,” Copia says in a small voice, smiling at you. Your eyes widen at the revelation but you say nothing, simply mirroring his grin.
“He’s Papa for a reason,” you state simply. “Are you done eating? I’m dying to hear more about these babies of yours.”
Hours later, the two of you are the last people to leave the dining hall after being ushered out by irritated siblings. When you part, it’s with the promise that you will one day soon visit Copia’s rodent children. You bid your soft goodbye, hand lingering on his bicep when you thank him for his time and you begin the walk to your quarters.
Maybe the abbey isn’t so bad after all.
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bless-my-demons · 6 months
Text
Redamancy: Chapter Seventeen
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Series Summary: What happens when your soulmate is a vampire that struggles to maintain a diet of trying not to kill you? Common sense says run for the hills, nothing is worth your life - but my heart is whispering why not, what’s there to lose?
Warnings: Angst and cuss words
Notes: The impatient part of me just wants Jasper back, but I have to power through for the plot. I also have that scene written and it taunts me every time I open my Docs🥲
Word Count: 2010
Series Masterlist
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Reader
They say grief is just left over love.
Well I have plenty of grief then, because I never got to pour it into the person it was meant for. It's rotting away inside my chest and leaking from the cracks. It spills from my eyes and scratches my throat, flooding everything and it doesn't seem to end.
Is there an end?
I don't think there is, because I don't just miss him - I miss something that'll never happen. A life I'll never live, one where it's just me and him and eternity stretches out before us endlessly.
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• January 16th, 2005 • Home •
Reader
My phone buzzes in my pocket letting me know I'm getting an incoming call. Fishing it out, Bella Swan flashes across the screen and I'm stunned.
"Hello?" I answer hesitantly.
"Hey Y/n, I um - well I was wondering if you wanted to catch a movie? With Jessica and I, tonight?"
"Oh uh-"
"You don't have to-" She interrupts me, clearly sensing my hesitation, but I stop her before she could back out.
"No! I'd love to, let me call my mom and tell her I'll be gone when she gets home from work."
"Okay, cool. I'll be there in like, twenty minutes." Ending the call, I stare at my phone in wonder.
Bella has been catatonic the last 3 months and now she's down for movies like nothing has happened? Shaking my head, I call my mom while slipping my shoes on in the hallway, she picks up on the second ring.
"Hey sweetie, I was just about to call you and see what you wanted for dinner!" Her cheerie voice tugs on my heart strings, I think she's trying to over-compensate in the hopes that'll it'll bring my own mood up.
"About that, Bella Swan just called and asked if I could go with her to the movies-"
"Absolutely! Do you need money? There's some in-" The excitement in her voice is almost comical.
"Mom, I have money. I just didn't want you to worry if I wasn't home when you got off." The line is silent for a few beats before she answers.
"Honey, go have fun with your friends and don't worry about me! I love you, sweat pea."
"Love you too." Tears begin to prick at the corners of my eyes suddenly.
"Call me if you need me?" Her question is soft, not wanting to spook me into canceling.
"Always." I smile sadly to no one in the empty house before hanging up.
Bella's tires on her old truck crackle on our gravel driveway and I snag a jacket before bolting out of the front door.
I can do this, I can be normal and enjoy my friends for a few hours.
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• January 16th, 2006 • Port Angeles, WA •
Reader
Not only did Bella manage to get me out of the house for a few hours, but she also talked me into watching a scary movie about zombies - one of my least favorite monster movie types. I don't do the jump scares, the suspense, the chasing - nope, none of that is for me.
The worst part was wishing I had him to just hold my hand, because with him I'm invincible. Well, was invincible. With every one of my lurches and under-my-breath curses, I know he'd be chuckling at my expense. Somehow that made the hole in my chest wider, darker.
At some point, going out and doing everyday things has to get back to normal. This piece of me that's rotting away inside can't keep continuing to fester and grow, its so fucking tiring.
Relief floods my chest and limbs as the credits begin scrolling. Looking to my right I can tell Bella is unamused and Jessica on her other side didn't enjoy it.
"Okay, next girl's movie night, I'm picking the movie." I tell them, exasperation leaking into my tone.
Both girls glance at me and raise eyebrows as we stand and exit the theater.
"Don't give me that look, zombies freak me out!"
"They're not real-" Bella teases me with a smile, but realization stops her comment and I try to hide my falling face from Jessica as she walks ahead of us in the lobby.
Vampires weren't real, until we met them. Fuck, everything brings us right back to them-
"-If it's supposed to draw a parallel about leprosy, my cousin had leprosy, it's not funny 'ya know." Jessica Stanley takes the cake when it comes to filling silence with conversation, even if it's one-sided.
Walking back to Bella's truck, I'm only half-paying attention to Jess as she rattles on. If I've learned anything from her since my first day at Forks, it's that I need to take everything she says with a grain of salt.
"I was surprised you even called at all." I lift my head in surprise at Jessica's statement, not quite rude but... "Like, your guys' depression thing - I get it-" Glancing between Bella and I, the train wreck falling from her mouth continues, "I'm totally, totally worried. But after a while... you're still not over them, but I'm going through stuff too 'ya know."
I almost want to laugh, not at her, but... it's almost funny how one person has basically derailed my life and Jessica Stanley thinks it's just seasonal depression.
Turning to Bella, I notice she's watching a group of bikers at the next street corner over.
"How 'bout a ride, girls?" One of them calls, watching the three of us.
As Bella gets a far-off look in her eye, Jessica moves to stand in front of her to get her attention.
"Dude, c'mon." Inclining her shoulder to continue moving down the street, she gives Bella a weird look, waiting.
"I think I know those guys." I reach out to put a hand on Bella's arm, but she's already stepping towards the group of men.
"Well they seem great, can we go?" Jessica pleads.
"I just need to see something." Bella sounds like she's in a daze and I start to worry as she begins walking to their street corner.
I have an instinct to follow my friend at the same time a tingle spreads across the back of my scalp, danger. The sensation almost draws a gasp from my lips, finally something other than just emptiness holed up in my chest.
I start after Bella, half to make sure my friend is alright and half to... chase this different feeling.
"Alright, alright! We've got takers." One of them says smugly.
These aren't safe men, turn around.
I stutter and almost trip on the uneven pavement. It's almost like he whispered the words in my ear, if the January air didn't have such a chill to it - I'd swear it was his breath on my neck.
A piece of me that had been dormant since Bella's birthday springs to life, I need to chase this. Just the instant craving to hear more of his imaginary voice drives me to stand beside my friend in front of a group of sketchy-looking bikers on a dark street late at night.
"Sorry, I thought you were someone else." I whip my head towards her, trying to figure out what she's got planned.
"That's cool, I'll be whoever you want me to be." Swinging a leg over his motorcycle, he gives her an expectant look. "So, what do ya say?"
After a few tense beats, she decided to hop on the back of the closest bike and they immediately take off into the night. I hesitate a few more beats, looking at the other bikers, waiting-
Don't get on another man's bike darlin', you’re mine.
Tears spring to the corner of my eyes and I turn around, not wanting to start crying out of the blue in front of a bunch of random strangers. I'm not his anymore, but I also can't bring myself to cling to the back of anyone else.
Jessica meets me halfway up the street, throwing up her hands in a 'what the fuck' motion.
"Um, care to explain?" She asks impatiently.
"I think she just wanted to see what it's like-" but I'm cut off as Jessica stomps past me, Bella rounding the corner of the building.
"Hey! What the hell is wrong with you? Just curious."
"I thought I saw something." Bella tried to explain, I try to meet eyes to see what's actually going on, but her eyes are glued to the ground.
"You-oh, You're insane actually. Or suicidal. That homeboy? Could've been a psycho. I was about to end up in an FBI interview room like some lame TV show." Jessica rants as we walk away.
"Ugh, that was such a rush."
"Awesome, so you're an adrenaline junkie now? That's cool, you can go bungee jumping. You don't get on the back of some loser's motorcycle! Crazy." Stomping off towards her own car, I hang back with Bella. She's not wrong, but she also doesn't get it.
"Let's go home?" I ask my friend, grabbing her hand and leading her towards the beat up old red truck.
Is danger how I see-or rather hear him again? My heart picks up speed at the thought - I'm not one for dangerous situations, but I also can't get the idea out of my head. It's like my heart is at war with my brain, one with a crushing addiction and the other with the instinct for self-preservation.
A new war has kicked off inside of me and I have no idea which side will win.
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• January 16th, 2006 • Ithaca, New York •
Jasper
Reading a book I found in Carlisle's study to pass the time, an unfamiliar uneasy feeling settles in my gut. Closing the book, I check everyone that's home to make sure it isn't one of them and I come up normal. Alice, sitting across the room raises an eyebrow while reading her own magazine at my sudden shift in demeanor.
"Alice-"
"I won't check her every time you get a feeling, Jasper. You're the one who wanted to cut her out." The sting of her words find their target, but I can't ignore this.
"Please, I need to know if she's... alright." I plead, not ready to drop it.
"She hasn't been fucking alright this entire time-" but her snap-back halts immediately as her eyes adopt the familiar far-out gaze of her power.
Immediately I'm kneeling in front of her, worry begins to slither across my skin. Alice cranks down on her feelings, refusing to give any hints away to what she's seeing.
"Alice, please." I'm not usually one to beg, but for Y/n? I've noticed over time things like that have changed.
"She's fine." Drifting back to reality, she stands and shoves me off with a look, voice monotone in anger directed at me.
"What did you see?" I hound her, following her down the hall to her room.
"Nothing - it doesn't matter, she chose differently." She answers cryptically and it almost sends me into a spiral of the worst ideas.
I want to question her more, but she slams her door in my face effectively ending the conversation. Anger and frustration with a tinge of despair floats through the air mingled with my sister's scent. I know it's directed at me, I know it's my fault and I can't find the strength anywhere to wipe her feelings away. Almost as if my gift has resorted to the cruel and unusual punishment of feeling without the capacity to manipulate anymore.
My forehead thumps against the white wood in defeat.
At what point does this sore heal? Does this ache ever go away? How much time has to pass before she isn't occupying every single thought of every single second of the day? I've read that grief is supposed to ebb and flow, but this - this is more of a steady current, a nonstop hotwire through my chest that's painfully constricting the long-dead heart within.
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adorethedistance · 1 year
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The Late Late Show - Bella Ramsey x Reader (18+)
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General Masterlist
Warnings: (18+ only minors DNI) afab reader, smut, swearing, teasing, lmk if there’s anything else I missed.
Words: 2697
Summary: After a promotional appearance on the Late Late show, you and Bella confess your feelings for one another; your skepticism causes them to prove just how much they like you back.
A/N: It’s almost 1 am. I don’t feel like proof reading this. I want to be done with it. SO here we are LMAO. In all seriousness I’m really stoked on this piece and I hope y’all like it. It’s been a while since I’ve written a full smut so I’m a little rusty.
Pedro, Bella, and I are on the Late Late Show to promote season 2 of The Last of Us, and Mr. James Corden had the incredible idea to make us play ‘spill your guts or fill your guts’. In rehearsal the questions were all mundane and simple to keep the surprises for the actual show. Now that the questions are real, my anxiety has skyrocketed and I anxiously await my turn. So far, Pedro has had a sip of bird saliva and Bella has confessed who their least favorite person to work with in their career was. Now it’s my turn and I’m almost too anxious to comprehend the words coming out of anyone’s mouth. Bella turns the table slowly, watching my face and gauging my reactions to each food as it goes by.
“Y/n.”
“Hm.”
“For this question, I will give you…” They pause to think for a moment, “The one thousand year old  egg.” I fight the urge to gag and Bella laughs deviously. They noticed the way I was particularly disturbed by it when we reviewed all the food options on the table for the camera. Bella laughs their adorable laugh after reading the question written on the cue card; I can’t stop the fake frown that’s appeared on my face.
“Which of mine and Pedro’s acting performances were the worst, and why?” The audience erupts into laughter, cheers, and groans as I contemplate how I can answer this question. “There is no way in hell I’m eating that.”
“Then you’ve got to answer.”
“I don’t know! I think you guys aren’t capable of bad performances.”
“Booooo.”
“Why are you booing me?!” I screech in surprise although I can’t help the smile forming on my face. Pedro jumps in,
“That’s a cop-out!”
“That is such a cop-out answer!” Bella laughs, biting their lip and resting their elbows on the table, displaying their hands that are sparsely decorated with rings.
“Why are you guys teaming up on me? This is so unfair. James, do something!”
“My hands are tied-”
“No, they are not it’s your show!”
“That one thousand year old egg isn’t getting any younger,” Bella quips, a devious smirk adorning their features. More laughter from the audience and I look back at Bella with pleading eyes. They raise their eyebrows to taunt me, clearly enjoying how I’m scrambling for answers. I bite the inside of my cheek and playfully glare. Another eyebrow quirk from Bella. On national television?
I cave, “Oh god. Okay, uh, Pedro. Maybe Mando? Since you’ve got the helmet on and we can’t really see your face emote a lot?”
“Kind of a cheat answer but I’ll leave it be,” Bella teases.
“Bella… Maybe Judy since you didn’t have too much on screen time so you weren’t given a lot to work with?” I attempt to calm my breathing as I wait for the other three to either approve or disapprove my answers. The jury is pleased with my response and I’m saved from eating the egg in front of me that is literally black and green.
We continue another rotation of questions going around the table until James takes us to commercial break. Bella, Pedro, and I stand from the table and head back to the couch for our actual interview portion of the show. It’s the last segment before we’re wrapped and I can’t wait to be finished so I can get out of this makeup and borderline black tie attire.
James gives us the standard questions that come with promoting a show and I find myself struggling to stay present. The way Bella moves their hands and the numerous rings that adorn their fingers are eternally captivating.
I want to just reach out and grab it. To hold their hand in mine and exist like that for as long as we possibly could. I want to hold them in my own and kiss them to show how much I care. I want to clench around their hands as I scream their name loud enough for anyone to hear. I want to bite down on exposed skin as they fuck me and tell me I’m their good girl. I crave Bella. I’ve always craved Bella.
“I think we’ve lost her. Y/n?” I hear James’ voice bring me back down to earth. My cheeks are a thousand degrees warmer as I realize I’ve been caught, lost in the fantasy of what it would be like to belong to Bella.
“What?” I ask when I zone back in. Everyone in the room laughs and I try to blink away my embarrassment.
“You play Dina, correct?”
“I do, yes.”
“This is a new character for this season, what can you tell us about her?”
“Yeah, so Dina is Ellie’s love interest in this part of the story,” I proceed to tell James the same basic spiel that I give every interviewer and he listens intently. He asks a few more questions about the characters and what it was like for the three of us to work closely on set. The interview goes over fun, smooth, and funny and before we knew it, the show was wrapped shortly after. Bella disappears almost immediately in search of a bathroom, leaving me with Pedro as James begins talking with one of his producers.
“Are you okay?” Pedro nudges my shoulder to get my attention. I nod rapidly which does not at all minimize his suspicion.
“Yeah, I’m totally good.”
“You were in space for the entire interview. What’s up?” He asks sincerely. Is this something I should tell him? Is this something I shouldn’t tell him? I’m at a loss for direction but Pedro’s reassuring smile reminds me that he is probably the best confidant on planet earth.
“It’s about Bella…” I start off slowly.
“Yeah, you really seem to like them.”
“SHHHH! Why would you say that so loud?!” I whisper shout which if anything draws more attention to us.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry.” Pedro holds both hands up to try and ease my anxiety and I drop my shoulders to try and reel everything back in.
“You’re right, though. I do really like them.”
“Apparently.”
“So what do I do?”
“What do you mean?”
I scowl, “What do you mean what do I mean?”
“It’s obvious they like you as well.” I tilt my head back incredulously.
“What are you talking about?” Pedro laughs heartily before responding,
“I may not be the smartest person in the room but I’m not an idiot. I see how you look at each other. How they look at you.” My heart flutters with excitement. “It’s a huge crush if I’ve ever seen one.”
“Well, what do I do then?” I ask, and we’re back to square one. Pedro shakes his head at my obliviousness.
“You tell them you like them and then kiss!” He says as if it’s the simplest thing in the world. Ever the optimist. As I open my mouth to speak, I cut myself off to see Bella has rejoined the three of us. A quaint smile paints their face and my heart flutters again tenfold.
“What’d I miss?”
“Not much from me but Y/n has something to say.” I go wide-eyed and look at Pedro in panic. If looks could kill he would be a dead man this instant. Bella nods at me expectantly and I feel a rush of anxiety in my core. I do my best to cover up the fact that I’m taking a deep breath to soothe my nerves.
“We should go somewhere… not… here.” Bella laughs at the peculiar rhythm of my speech but agrees and follows me backstage. In the dressing room that we shared when getting ready, I flick the switch that lights up the perimeter of lightbulbs around the vanity mirror. Bella senses the tension that’s practically radiating off of me and closes the door behind us.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay I just-” I trail off in search of the right words.
“...You just what?” Bella asks, gently.
Moment of truth.
“I really like you, Bella. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I’m anxious that bombarding you with this information could scare you away, and then we wouldn’t be friends anymore because it would be too awkward. So then I’d be losing not just my best friend, but also just you as a person and I’d hate for that to happen because I like you as a person too and I-”
“I’ve been waiting for this conversation.” Bella says smugly.
“-Have been so worried about- wait what?” As my whole rambling rant lead me to look down, my head snaps back up. “You’ve been waiting for this?”
“Mhm.”
“Would you care to share with the class?” I ask, facetiously causing them to laugh at the sarcasm.
“Pedro and I actually had a bet going for how long it would take you.” I frown at their words and blink away my confusion. Bella drops the smug smile. They stare at me and I feel my face heat up being under their intense gaze.
“You… don’t like me back?” I say, my heart sinking in panic as I had just bared my soul to them.
“Of course I like you back.”
“Well, don’t say that like it was obvious!”
“I made it pretty obvious.”
“No, you didn’t!”
“We spent Valentine’s day together.”
I open my mouth to protest but close it to consider maybe it wasn’t just a ‘Galentine’s’ hang out.
“But-”
“We literally woke up spooning when we had that sleepover.” I blink. Once, twice, and then shut my eyes completely to block out the visual of Bella’s face as I come to the same conclusion.
“Yeah, I guess it was pretty outright.” They simply nod a yes and I feel the weight of the world lifted off of my shoulders at once. “So, you like me?”
“Oh my god-” Bella rolls their eyes, and swiftly comes over to grab my face in their hands and kiss me passionately. Their lips on mine are the symphony of an orchestra that I’ve long awaited. Each movement of our lips, the rhythmic richness of percussion. Their hands tracing down the silhouette of my body, the sensuality of the brass. A desire-filled rush of blood coursing through my entire body, the serenity of the woodwinds. And the intensity of our feelings for one another becoming intertwined into one energy, the complexity of the strings.
I’m fully floating on cloud nine, drifting further and further away from the Earth and into the ethereality of Bella. The kiss started passionately and quickly becomes heated as the two of us revel in our lust for one another.
Bella grips my hair in their hand at the base of my neck, tugging the handful to break the kiss and tilt my chin upwards. They take the new access to kiss and suck the skin of my neck. Grazing their teeth over my larynx, biting into the side and sucking a harsh, clean mark into the exposed flesh. I groan and the sheer eroticism and grip the vanity counter behind me.
Bella’s ringed fingers gently grasp my hips, pushing me back to lean on the counter with more of my weight. They abandon the task of marking me, grabbing the fabric of my dress, pulling it up and cradling the hem of it in their hands at my hip sockets. All the while, they had sunken down to the floor, lustful eyes watching my face as they kneel on the floor.
“Can I?” They ask and I quickly nod yes as my mouth was too dry to form a verbal response. Lifting the hem of the evening dress over their head, Bella bites another hickey into my inner thigh. I squeak at the sensation. It hurts so good.
“Shhh. You’ve gotta stay quiet.” I nod rapidly as reassurance, temporarily forgetting they can’t see my face.
“Got it, sorry.”
“It’s okay, babygirl.” Bella then hooks their fingers into the waistband of the underwear I was wearing. “This okay?”
“Yeah,” I sigh out, anticipation dripping from my voice. They drop the garment to the floor and have me step one foot out of them. My left leg stays anchored on the ground as a point of support since the counter likely wouldn’t hold my entire body weight. Bella guides my right leg up and over their shoulder before they trace their tongue over my glistening core. I whimper out a noise of relief and my head drops back, readying myself for the ride of my life.
Their tongue traces through the folds, trailing up to draw my clit in their mouth. I let out a languorous moan. In an attempt to regulate my breathing, I pull in a deep breath of bliss. Bella expertly devours me and I feel myself pulsating from arousal. Judging by the smug hum of laughter I’m guessing they could feel the movement as well.
I grab the fabric of my dress around my thighs and lift the layers to keep Bella from practically suffocating. They continue, unphased. A euphoric cry escapes my lips when Bella presses two tantalizing fingers inside of me. My hand quickly covers my mouth to try and conceal the undeniable bliss of their hand working in tandem with their mouth. Each stroke of their fingers elicits a ragged moan from my throat and I fight so hard to remain quiet. Then, Bella’s mouth pulls off of my clit with an audible smack.
“Are you gonna be a good girl and come for me?” They ask earnestly and I nod rapidly. Anything to please them. The frantic nature of my response is satisfactory enough and they resume sucking on my swollen clit. I’m almost overstimulated from the pleasure of their mouth working with the rhythmic curling of their fingers. My moans increase tempo as I continue chasing the high. Bella beatifically bobs their head, moving faster to bring me closer to the edge.
Their fingers curve so perfectly against my g-spot and I fight the need to cry out in untamable pleasure. Stimulating the spot brings me closer and closer. I hold the collected fabric of my dress skirt in my left arm, and frantically reach down with my right. Bella masterfully maintains their pace, mouth and fingers working together while their other hand reaches up to interlace their fingers with mine. The thoughtful gesture is arousing in itself and I find my orgasm come to a peak.
I reside in this high for a moment before the waves of pleasure come crashing down over me. I finish with a strangled sob of gratification. Bella’s pace slows but they continue working me through the orgasm until the feeling passes. Once my clit stops pulsating, I feel them pull their mouth off of me with a most sinful pop. They leave our hands intertwined, but take the hand that was inside of me and lift the wet fingers to their lips, sucking off my remaining juices with great pleasure. I can’t help the laugh that escapes me, partly from disbelief but mostly from the residual high. They lock eyes with me and smile innocently, as if they hadn’t just sucked the life out of me in the best way possible.
Bella then wraps both arms around me and holds my body as tightly to their own as they can without hurting me. I then realize they’re doing this because my legs are trembling and they’re allowing me to use them as support. I’m grateful for the attentiveness and melt in their arms, wrapping my own around their shoulders. They hold me like this for a few minutes, and I smile knowing they would have remained there for hours if I’d asked them to.
“You were so good for me, pretty girl.” The praise is of the utmost comfort and I tuck my face into the crook of their neck. Placing soft, practically indebted kisses on their skin serves as a ‘thank you’ since I’m still very much recovering.
“I love being the only one to make you feel this good.”
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obsessedelusional · 1 year
Text
religious trauma but make it gay
masterlist
paring ✦ Bella Ramsey x fem!Reader
summary ✦ Bella was your childhood best friend. The one person you felt like you could tell anything. So you do exactly that, coming out to them when you two were still young. Only for Bella to push you away. What happens when they show up at your work several years later?
word count ✦ 3,500ish
authors note ✦ I’m so in love with Bella Ramsey and there’s barely nothing out there. So I took it upon myself lmao hope y’all enjoy!!! Also I’ve never written for a real person so I hope this ok request for Bella open bc I’m a simp rn
COMMENTS AND REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!!
⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹
several years ago
“I think I’m gay.” You admit to your childhood best friend, Bella. The two of you sat in the school yard, parked under a tree.
“What?” She asks, forcing you to repeat the statement you’ve been trying to find the courage to say for months now.
“I think I like girls.” You further explain.
“That’s a sin. You can’t like girls.” Bella spits, bringing tears to you eyes.
“Bella-“ You say their name, letting the tears fall as they interrupt you.
“It’s a sickness, you can get help. My pastor will know exactly what to do.” She says, entirely seriously. Taking your hands in theirs, you quickly push them way. You can’t believe what your hearing.
“I don’t need help. I needed my friend to be there for me.” You stand up from the floor, overwhelmed by the entire situation.
“I don’t think-“ Bella hesitates.
“I don’t think we can be friends anymore.” Her words tremble like their unsure as they come out.
“I knew you were religious but this takes it to a whole another level.” You croak before leaving Bella sat alone under that tree. Part of you thought they’d come back, apologize to you after some time passed. That never happened, ten years of friendship over because of you opened your mouth about your sexuality. At the time you regretted saying anything at all, wishing you had just kept it bottled up inside.
The worst part was when their mother called a couple weeks after the incident basically outing you, offering your mother her pastors number. To your surprise your mom politely declined, she accepted you fully for who you were. It was a bit awkward at first at home but eventually everything went back to normal. That summer you attended your first Pride Parade and felt so seen that the coming school year you came out publicly. Considering the two of you were in the same grade you still saw them around, although never speaking to them again.
After a few years Bella landed her first huge roll in Game of Thrones, leaving your guys hometown behind. You didn’t have to see her face around anymore. Part of you happy for them but sad you couldn’t be in their life to support them. Only to remember they never supported you when you need them most.
present day
It had been several years since you came out, now living your most authentic life. Since then you had a few relationships, nothing too serious. Normally only lasting a few months before breaking up. You had graduated high school, started college shortly after. You got into the college you’d been dreaming of and the major you always imagined yourself as. Your college was a few hours from your home town so you occasionally saw people from there at your part time job. A couple days a week you were a barista at this cute little coffee shop right on the corner of the busiest street.
“What can I get you?” You ask blindly, going through the motions of a transaction.
“Y/N?” The voice on the other side of the counter asks, causing you to look up from the cash register. Looking up you’re greeted by the girl who you hadn’t seen since that depressing day. The day you lost your best friend.
“I can’t believe you work here.” They say, their voice warm.
“Yup.” You say flatly.
“What can I get you?” You ask, trying to quicken this interaction.
“The film I’m working on is filming just down the street for the next few weeks. I’ve been trying to find you for years, you have like no social media.” They admit, completely disregarding your attempt to not make small talk.
“Can I get you something?” You asks again, uninterested in what they have to say.
“Damn I deserve that.” They sigh before muttering off their order and paying. He walks over to the pick up area and you start making their drink. Every time you look up from your work they’re already staring. You can’t help but look too, they’ve changed so much. You’ve seen things about them online and people from your home town loved to talk about the girl who made it big. Always asking, “Didn’t you used to be friends with Bella?”
Once you’re done with their drink, you walk over to where they stand and set their drink down on the counter.
“Y/N wait.” They plead before you can turn your back to them. Against your better judgment you stop, briefly making eye contact. Saying nothing but signaling with your eyes to speak.
“I’m so sorry. I know what I did was shitty. I haven’t stopped thinking about that day since. While I’m still in town I’d like to apologize better like take you out or something so we can talk.” They explain, almost rambling their words.
“I understand if you don’t want to but here’s my phone number. Consider giving me a call or a text or anything, please.” They smile reassuringly pleading with you one last time, passing you a small folded up paper. They leave the coffee shop, drink in hand. You catch your self watching them leave, mind wandering on what you’re gonna do with their number.
Part of you wants to throw it away. An even bigger part of you wants to find out what would happened if you contacted Bella. Maybe their viewpoints have changed, it’s the least you can hope for. Against your better judgement you slip the small piece of paper in your phone case, deciding you’ll worry about it later. The rest of the work day is slow, painfully slow. Nothing to keep your mind distracted from thinking about Bella.
“I should be good, if you’re ready to take off.” Your coworker speaks, disrupting your spiraling thoughts.
“Okay,” is all you can say before rushing to clock out. Grabbing your belongings and thanking your coworker before leaving.
Once home you reach for the folded up piece of paper that’s been living in your phone case all day. You hesitate for a few moments before finally mustering up the courage to open it. All that is reads is their phone number, nothing else. You’re not sure how long your sat there staring at the piece of paper but eventually you decide to just shoot them a text.
you: hey it’s y/n
You don’t hear anything back that night. You stay up later then normal stressing about the entire situation. Imagining that it was all some elaborate set up, Bella’s sat up laughing at how stupid you could be to think that they’d want apologize.
The next morning arrives, your alarm goes off bright and early. You have a long day of classes ahead of you. You rush getting ready, picking out the most basic clothes you own. Not it the mood to try, exhausted from the lack of sleep from Bella’s sudden return to your life.
“Girl you good?” A girl you had always been friendly towards in your nine am class asks. You can never remember her name.
“It’s it that obvious?” You let out an exasperated laugh.
“No offense. Your just usually all dolled up and suddenly you look not dolled up. You just look tired.” She laughs.
“Dolled up?” You ask, curiously. For the first time truly noticing the girl who’s always sat near you.
“Yeah you always got them eye lashes and stuff. Not that you don’t look cute today, you always look cute.” They explain poorly. You can’t help but laugh at their way to describe makeup.
“Too tired this morning. Thanks I think?” You smile, she smiles back before the professor walks in and starts class. For a brief moment you forget about the lack of response from Bella. Too busy thinking about the attractive person who low-key just flirted with you. Only for that to be quickly forgotten when your phone vibrates from your pocket. You slyly pull it out laying it flat on your desk, where the professor can’t see. It is Bella, you catch yourself smiling at her name popping up. Stopping yourself immediately from having that type of reaction.
Bella: hey sorry I didn’t respond sooner super late work day only to wake up even earlier to work some more but I have tomorrow off so can we please get together
You decide you’ll respond but make them wait, not nearly as long as you waited. But you’ll stick it to them, make them wait till your out of class. The rest of the period is spent mentally drafting your response. Are you really after all these years ready to meet up with Bella? Maybe.
When class is over you shove all your belongings your bag, rushing to leave so you can send your text. Only to be stopped by that girl from before.
“What class do you have next?” She asks.
“Uhm,” You have to think about it for a moment too distracted by the phone burning a hole in your pocket.
“English in Butcher Hall at one.” You blurt out once you can remember. Normally you either go back to your dorm, grab lunch or study in the library. Today you had planned on going back to your dorm, knowing you weren’t going to be capable of studying.
“Dope. You wanna get lunch or something? I don’t have class till 1 too.” They explain, a smile on their face.
“Oof,” You say aloud, regrettably. The laugh almost as if they’re confused.
“I totally would but I got stuff I have to do before my next class.” You explain, sort of lying. Unsure why your lying just so you can hurriedly respond to Bella.
“That’s fine. Another time maybe?” She asks.
“Yeah.” You smile before walking off, back to your dorm room. They wave goodbye as you leave. When your out of their reach, you pull your phone out and type your message.
you: tomorrow works, I have one class in the morning. I’ll be done around noon. After that is ok
bella: sounds good wanna grab lunch at one?
you: yeah
Bella responds in a short time, sending you the address of a restaurant you never heard of before. You decide not respond anymore, deciding that any talking that needs to be done can be done tomorrow.
You had woken up early enough to actually get ready today. Or “dolled up” as the girl from your class would say. Thankfully you didn’t have that class with her today, knowing you couldn’t handle that along with all that is already going on.
After class, you walk quickly back to you dorm. Using the hour you have to dress cuter, fixing up your makeup. Mentally preparing yourself for the conversation that is about to be had. You pull up the address Bella gave you and it’s a cute little Italian restaurant. That’s always been your favorite, for long as you can remember. You wonder for a moment if they remember or if it’s just a coincidence. The drive is short, too nervous to listen to music. Letting your inner dialogue fill the silence. You park near the front door, looking down at the clock on your dash and you have a few minutes to spear. You phone goes off and it’s Bella.
bella: I’m here just let the hostess know your here to see me
All of a sudden it all starts to feel real. Your going to be having lunch with Bella after several years of no contact after coming out to them. It’s not too late to back out, you think for a moment. You have too though, you’ve made it this far. It’s a quick walk from your car to the door, you let yourself in. Greeted by a girl at the hostess desk.
“Hello!” The hostess beams.
“Hi I’m here to meet with Bella.” You explain.
“Right this way,” She smiles grabbing a menu and leading you towards the back of the restaurant where it’s more secluded. Pass the view of the back of the hostess head you can see Bella sat, scrolling through their phone. The sight of them biting their nails, puts some of your worries at ease. Knowing that they’re just as nervous makes this a little easier. Bella looks up from their phone, smiling brightly at you when they notice you.
“You still like Italian?” They ask.
“Yeah I do.” You smile because they remembered.
“I’m so glad you actually showed up.” Bella says examining you.
“After what I did I always thought you’d want nothing to do with me forever.” They explain, you quickly notice them fiddling with the table cloth.
“I’m so sorry.” They say now with a bit of sadness to their voice. Your not entirely ready to forget what happened but the sight of them is tempting you to forgive them on the spot.
“You know you haven’t grown much?” You tease as an attempt to lighten the situation.
“What?” They ask confused.
“You’ve always been so short and that hasn’t changed. You’ve cut all your hair off, I like it.” You let out an awkward laugh.
“We’ll when everyone is old and looks old I’ll still look young.” They laugh, you can tell they’re finally beginning to relax.
“Plus in my line of work it’s a plus. I can continue to play younger roles as I age.” They explain. Which leads to you asking them what they’re in town filming for. The conversation begins to flow smoothly, smiles never leaving either of your faces. You two order and wait for the food to come over. When the conversation eventually lulls, Bella’s face is screaming like she has something she wants to say but can’t get it out. You eyes dart to their fingers that anxiously fidget with the utensils in from of them.
“It’s okay,” You reassure them resting your hand on theirs. You feel them relax under your touch.
“I’m gay.” They spit out.
“Really?” You ask.
“Which is why I reacted the way I did when you told me. I’ve always had feelings for… women. I was raised to believe that it was wrong. I struggled internalized homophobia for years only recently coming to terms with my sexuality. I was so scared at the time.” Bella admits, your hand still rests on theirs. They look to you like they’re waiting for a response.
“I forgive you.” You respond.
“I would of done this sooner. Your just not the easiest person to find.”
“It’s fine Bella. Just promise we’ll stay in touch now, okay?”
“I promise.”
They did exactly that. For the rest of their time in town, when ever your schedules aligned you two we’re together. Or they would find any excuse to leave set and stop by for a quick visit when you were working. Getting to know each other all over again, you couldn’t help it forming a crush on them. They made you so happy, the most comfortable you felt around someone in forever. You finally got your Bella back.
Only for her to have to leave you after a few weeks. Her film was moving locations so they’d be several hours away. It was only for a month but you were so torn up about it. They had promised as soon as that month was over, they’d be back in your home town and visiting you as much as possible.
It was a bit awkward when that girl form your class kept making the moves on you. One day your finally let them down gently. It was entirely because of the slight chance with Bella you thought you might have.
You finally got your Bella back only to have separate again. This time though, you were friends. That month was spent on face time calls when ever you got the chance. Always waking up to good morning texts and not going to sleep until you two had a chance to talk on the phone. You can’t remember the last time you had smiled so much. Always checking you phone, biggest smile on your lips. All because of Bella.
one month later
“I missed you.” Bella says, wrapping you in a hug. Their head resting in your shoulder, breathing in your aroma.
“I missed you, more.” You tease. You feel them laugh in your embrace before pulling away.
“I may have got me an air bnb for a week or so.”
“Really? I thought this was just a weekend kind of thing.” You say, biting your lip trying your best not to smile too hard. Originally you couldn’t help but be upset when Bella flight was delayed, their 10 am arrival turned into 5 pm. You had thought half your time with them was wasted.
“We’ll you were wrong.”
“I’m glad.” You laugh, following them to your car. Helping them load their luggage. Bella pulls up her maps app and types in the location of the air bnb. You drive, listening to Bella talk about everything that had happened in the last month of filming.
“You’re so cute when you talk about your job.” You respond, letting the word cute slip out.
“What do you mean?” They ask.
“You’re cute. Do I really need to elaborate?”
“I guess not.” They smile. The rest of the car ride is filled with a comfortable silence.
Eventually you two arrive at their temporary home for the week or so. You help Bella unload and follow them to the door, watching as they unlock the lock box that has the house key inside. They open the door for you, you walk inside.
“Wow this place is so nice.” You awe at the beauty of the living room.
“You think this is nice? Come look at the back yard.” Bella leads you to the back yard, it’s so beautiful. Plants everywhere and jacuzzi, wishing suddenly you had brought a swim suit.
“Wow.” You say aloud, noticing the large hanging chair. Big enough for multiple people. It hangs over the deck, with the perfect view of the nature behind the house. Without hesitation you climb into the hanging chair, Bella watches you amused. You let out a screech when it move from your weight. Eventually you fall on your back, looking up at the stars. Bella continues to watch you, enjoying the view of you enjoying yourself.
“Are you not going to join me?” You speak up.
“I guess so.” You laugh at their attempt to climb up, their attempt causing it to swing and sends Bella landing closer to you than they had originally intended. When you didn’t pull away, they didn’t either. The two of you, sit in silence staring up at the starry sky. Eventually Bella is the one to break the silence.
“Can I be honest with you?”
“Of course.” You respond, sitting up on your elbows so you can see them better. They begin speaking, not daring to look at you.
“I said I knew Ialways had feelings for women. Like I always knew I liked women. The truth is I had feelings for you. When you said you were gay, I freaked out because my feelings for you could of become a reality. I think that’s the real reason I pushed you away. I knew I couldn’t be in your life as just a friend but also that I wasn’t ready to be out. I don’t if that makes sense and know I’m rambling. I’m sorry.” Bella finally gains the courage to look at you after their words.
“It’s okay.” You smile, biting you lip. Thinking this is the moment you’ve been waiting for.
“So you’re not mad at me?” Bella asks.
“Not at all. The real question though, are those feelings still there?” You ask, curiously. Your tone a little flirty.
“They’ve always been there. Bumping into you only reignited them. Then you actually said yes to meeting up with me, I couldn’t believe it. I still don’t believe it.”
“Believe it.” You laugh before closing the space between you two. Letting your lips kiss Bella’s for the first time. It takes them a moment to fully register what’s happening, shortly kissing you back. Their hands reach for your head pulling you in closer. You’re the one to pull away, needing to catch your breath. That only lasts a few moments before they’re the one initiate the second kiss. The two of you spend a few hours on the hanging chair. Kissing, laughing and talking about anything and everything. Only going inside because it began to rain. That night you guys stayed up so late, some time around 3am Bella asked you to be their girlfriend. You said yes.
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true-bluesargent · 7 months
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if there is one thing about me it is that i hate people who hate young female characters just for being human and complex. oh you hate rory gilmore in the yale years and only love her when she is 16 and perfect and knows what she wants out of life? fuck you. oh you think elena gilbert is whiny and selfish and she doesn't deserve either damon or stefan? you are so wrong i despise you. oh you think that we should forget team jeremiah or team conrad and realise that belly is really the problem? just say you are a misogynist and go you are the worst! you think bella swan is a boring character and you only care about jacob and edward and you think she treated them badly? actually die. i will never hate a teenage girl under extreme stress who is just a normal flawed person i will love and defend them forever and ever and ever
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karlmarxverstappen · 20 days
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bella sorry for the venting in your asks but im rly struggling to understand the max hate coming from his own fans lmao things were smelling rotten around rbr and its politics since early to mid-2023 when the meddling with at/vcarb started (ndv fired/dr suddenly pulling a super duper lap on testing and getting his seat/rumours about yuki being fired)...not even newey (supposedly his friend) or ford are backing that man, what is so hard to understand about the fact that max might know more about what is happening than the average outsider?
do people really think he's naive, dumb, gullible or something? first the outrage at jos for maybe the first time ever speaking common sense telling the media "christian horner should leave he's making the team look bad" and the uproar about max having to drop his father because of it. lmao. I'm sure jos verstappen has done much worse than pointing the obvious and max still maintained him as an integral part to his career. then max himself came and said "my father is not a liar" when asked about this so maybe he's inclined to agree with what jos was saying? maybe since dietrich died and a split occurred in red bull and reports went out of horner trying to get rid of marko things are really unsustainable inside the team? now with this "if marko is out I'm out" maybe he's also trying to secure that the one person that has 100% his back to the point of having a tied contract with him stays? grandpa is the worst but looking at the state of red bull right now is he really though? we know max isn't exactly the forgiving type - brazilian gp 2022 "I gave you my reasons" after checo allegedly bottled that lap in monaco on purpose comes to mind - so perhaps horner trying to stab marko in the back to get rid of him when dietrich died isn't sitting right with him as a guy who values loyalty and the previous status quo at red bull. and all this without mentioning the head of the FIA trying to force him to back up horner which is wild lmao. I would be livid.
I don't think he's stupid. I think he's playing his hand and using whatever influence he has in order to have the best outcome for him in this internal war. and if he ends up leaving be it in 2025 or 2026, just look at the state of this team, can you really blame him?
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Would Renée really have been miserable if Bella had chosen to accompany her to Florida to be with Phil, or was that mostly in Bella’s head?
That was the thing, Bella didn't know Phil had gotten a permanent position. At the time, the misery was that Renee had to stay with Bella when she could have otherwise been traveling with Phil (as Phil had to travel across the country constantly for games). The Florida thing was a new development in Twilight and what Renee pitches to Bella at the end of the novel: they're now in a permanent place in a sunny state and Bella doesn't have to stay in Forks.
As for what happened... I personally think it's a mix of both.
Bella was with Renee, unable to travel with Phil, and I imagine Renee was acting upset about it. They'd just married, she was a newly wed after many years, and now she can't be with her husband. I'm sure she did drop comments, sigh and stare out the window, and wish it didn't have to be that way.
What she probably didn't intend/didn't say was that Bella should move to Forks so that Renee could ditch her to be with Phil on the road. Going to Forks in Renee's mind was not an option, at all, and it came out of left field for her completely that Bella would do this.
Though... it is worth noting that we see Renee at the beginning of Twilight and while she protests and is upset, she's not as upset as she otherwise could be and not protesting that hard. There's a very token, "Sweetie, why are you doing this? Email me when you get there". But not an extreme insistence that Bella not leave.
Note the offer for Bella to come back didn't happen until Renee was secure in Florida and could stay with Phil and Bella. That was several months later, and happened only after Bella had been hospitalized after a tragic accident after Renee had never told Bella that she was int he process of moving to Florida.
Bella on her end absolutely feels like a third wheel, that she's ruining Renee and Phil's relationship, and that she's only getting in the way of her mother's happiness. And--for all Bella despises herself and doesn't see how others value her, I don't think she was entirely off the money either.
Renee clearly wasn't happy at Bella going to Charlie, and absolutely wanted Bella to live with her in Florida and loved having her come to visit later in Eclipse, but it's telling how little we see of her throughout the series and that she's either absent entirely or sending Bella panicked emails that don't actually ask Bella for any useful information/how her day was or what's happening in Forks.
Bella doesn't even tell her mother she had a boyfriend, Renee didn't find out until she was visiting in the hospital and spots Edward there and goes "oh, shit, she's not going to live with me huh".
Renee loves her daughter but one of the fascinating things about the series, to me, is how well it portrays that Renee, while far from the world's worst mother, wasn't really mother material and never really seemed to mentally mature beyond her early twenties.
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atlasnessie · 5 months
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TRICK OR TREAT !! HAPPY HALLOWEEN
trick or treating with ranpo, dazai, and atsushi !
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RANPO is enthusiastic, practically bouncing off the walls, begging fukuzawa to take him trick or treating. though, with the president out busy on such an important occasion (according to RANPO,) the detective asks you to take him. the answer can either be yes, or yes.
“c’mon !! we have a few more houses to go by !! this one has really good ones, i know it.” RANPO groaned and swung his bucket filled with candy, stomping his foot slightly in eagerness. the detective skipped various houses, deducting and speaking in a bored tone, ‘they don’t have good candy.’ and now, he wonders what kinds of candy kyouka and atsushi had gotten, and what he could trade. you, on the other hand, sighed with slight embarrassment.
walking with a full grown, twenty six year old man knocking on doors for candy wasn’t the worst part. the strange stares you would get from the owners of the houses was a whole different kind of embarrassment …
the door opened to another house as RANPO’S smile gleamed, shouting ‘trick or treat ! i know you have the king sized ones !!’ as the owner of the house twitched their eyes and handed the man the full sized candy bars. you could even see some children looking at his overflowing bucket in awe …
leaving the house and eagerly wanting to go to the other houses, RANPO sighed as he saw your slow walking pace and grabbed for your hand, taking overly big steps.
“heyy, walk faster ..! at this rate, all of the good stuff’re gonna be gone ! pick up the pace !!!”
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mischievous and a smooth talker, DAZAI isn’t the first person you would think of to help you babysit kyoka and atsushi on their first halloween trick or treat … and yet, somehow you’re with him … the bandaged man isn’t far behind from the three of you. it seems as if he’s making sure everything’s alright from a distance.
“chilly, bella ?” DAZAI teased slightly as you shook your head, crossing your arms in order to keep your hands and body warm. you were cold, but it was bearable. the two of you stood on the sidewalk in front of a house atsushi and kyouka was rushing to, planning what they would say and their timing. the streets were dark, but the lamps and flashlights lit up the roads ever so brightly. after a few moments, the door swung open and you could briefly hear your duo say ‘trick or treat !’ and atsushi’s multiple thank you’s.
the two rushed back and showed off their new sweets added to the collection as if children showing their parents what they had gotten, the weretigers lips a satisfying smile and kyouka’s ever so bright eyes.
“ah, quite the lot you have there, you two ! i bet ranpo’s excited to trade with you, hm ?” as DAZAI chuckled and eyed the two others walking to the other house, he slyly out his coat around your shoulders, grinning.
“cant have you getting sick later on, now can we ? atsushi ~ i have an idea on how you could get more candy !!”
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ATSUSHI’S excited ! and nervous. and happy ! but so, so nervous … he’s overwhelmed with the amount of amazing costumes he’s seen, it messes up his brain and yet he doesn’t realize he’s the one getting the most stares for his ‘costume’ (which is just him with his tiger arms, tail, and legs ..) and candy ?? for free ?! he’s so used to not getting anything at the orphanage, everything’s so overwhelming ..!!
“kyouka, do you think ranpo-san would like this ?” ATSUSHI held out a large candy bar, showing it to kyouka with care as the shorter girl examined it closely, chocolate in her mouth before mumbling ‘yes, i think he would enjoy it very much.’ the weretiger smiles and put the candy bar back into his jack-o-lantern bucket, smiling at you and glancing at your candy stash in awe.
“you have so much ..! ah … here’s the next house.” ATSUSHI nervously rang the door bell, and a few other children gathered around him and the door, some looking at him with curious eyes, asking,
‘are those tiger arms real ?’
‘can i touch your tail ?’
even as the door opened and closed, the children followed you, ATSUSHI, and kyouka, curious as to how you made your costumes and if they were real. very overwhelmed with compliments and the touch of small hands on his furry hands, though, he’s not complaining. the children’s laughter and wide eyes made him give in.
“a- alright then … hey, could you hold my bucket for a sec ..? thanks so much ! kyouka, careful with demon snow, yeah ?”
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calamitydaze · 1 year
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your commitment to your truth is extremely admirable and i hope you never underestimate how much strength it had to take on your end. i'm technically in my friend's (passionate) dnis after changing my mind about things and i'm still terrified of having an honest discussion with them because of how vicious wider mcytblr is.
anonymously tell me what you think about me
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fatalism-and-villainy · 5 months
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While talking to @menciemeer, something came up re: Jack’s motivations for being in Italy in season 3 that I haven’t seen discussed much - and that is that he’s explicitly there not to catch Hannibal, but to save Will. Here’s his dialogue with Pazzi in Secondo:
Jack: If he hasn’t already, Il Mostro will return to Florence. Pazzi: Come back with me. We have a chance to regain our reputations and enjoy the honours of our trade by capturing the monster. Jack: I’m not here for the monster. Not my house, not my fire. I’m here for Will Graham.
This is even more striking in light of the context for his character that the very next episode gives us - his conversation with Chilton in Aperitivo establishes that he’s been forced into retirement with the FBI, but he’s not interested in regaining his standing or reputation. (Very odd in light of the fact that come the Red Dragon plot, he seems to still have his old job in Behavioral Science). Chilton tries to get him to use Will as bait to find Hannibal:
Chilton: Will is going to lead you right to him. Jack: Oh, no, he’s not. Not to me. I’ve let them both go. I’ve let it all go. Chilton: You dangle Will Graham and now you cut bait? You’re letting Hannibal have him hook, line, and sinker. Jack: You’ll excuse me, Dr. Chilton. I like to be home in the evenings when my wife wakes.
What stands out about this exchange is Chilton’s “letting Hannibal have him” phrasing. It foregrounds not subduing Hannibal, but preventing Will from succumbing to his worst impulses, as a central motivation for Jack in 3A. It’s also significant that it’s his need to care for Bella that leads him to defer pursuing anything relating to Hannibal or Will, because her death is framed within the episode as the impetus for his investment in following Will to Europe - as he tells Will in the funeral scene, “you don’t have to die on me, too.”
So much of Jack’s character arc in the first two seasons is juggling his repeated sacrifice of others for the greater good. His guilt over what befalls both Will and Miriam features prominently in season 2, and during Will’s trial, he’s already prepared to put his career and reputation on the line to stand up for Will and atone for what he feels is his role in Will’s downfall. Both the traumatic events of Mizumono and Bella’s death bring about more of a full turnaround in that direction - Jack becomes less invested in apprehending killers in service of public safety, and more invested in saving the specific person who’s been harmed by that project.
I think this motivation doesn’t always stick in people’s minds because these exchanges get eclipsed by Jack beating Hannibal to a bloody pulp a couple episodes later, as well as his inexplicable return to working for the FBI in 3B. But even in the former altercation, his fight with Hannibal feels personal, more about venting anger and grief than actually apprehending Hannibal. In Dolce, when Will asks why Jack didn’t kill Hannibal, Jack responds “maybe I need you to” (in the same exchange, of course, as “you need to cut that part out”). That scene also establishes clearly that Will and Jack are, like Pazzi, “outside the law and alone.” As in Mizumono, they’re effectively vigilantes - and Jack’s mission is not serving justice for the FBI, but in saving Will from Hannibal’s influence.
This is why, despite the fact that Jack is once again embroiled in FBI business in season 3B, I always envision his role post-canon as being a continuation of what haunts him in the first half of the season - less about catching or killing Hannibal than about rescuing Will. It’s a lot more compelling to me, at least, than him simply continuing to be the face of law enforcement.
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kithj · 4 months
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tired of the obsession with "ethical" vampires and also "good" vampires who don't eat.
i think there's a lot to be said about fatphobia and the glamorization of EDs in vampire media, particularly in more modern depictions... i don't want to place the blame solely on twilight because this was happening way before the 2000s but i do think that had a huge impact with meyer's weird obsession and unwillingness to depict the vampires as anything other than thin and pale (and her singular fat aka tall and curvy vampire is described as "intensely feminine" and we don't have time to unpack all of that in this post)
saying that vampire venom "melts the fat" off of people, or that the vampire venom turns a person into their "ideal self" - who is the one saying my ideal self would be skinny? why is that the ideal at all?
i also just find it soooo fucking boring to neuter your vampires in this way. the whole point is to explore these deep desires and impulses and especially in romance these power imbalances that come from human/vampire relationships. i find the "good" vampire to be such a cop out. why even make them a vampire. twc vampires are just glorified super soldiers that work for the government. twilight vampires are just a bunch of mormon models. there's no real substance to them. even if you wanted to make an argument about edward, it falls flat because stephanie meyer doesn't write him intentionally, she genuinely thinks this shit is romantic & isn't ever really interested in exploring their age gap or edward's hunger.
i think interview with the vampire (the show) approaches the "good" vampire in an interesting way with louis. the decision to make him a gay black man adds so much to his desire to be "good" (accepted) and there's more to it than just him not wanting to eat humans; he's worried about the way the world will perceive him. and he still has so much love for claudia despite how different they are and the things she's done (but ultimately he still chooses lestat over her!!!) and he tries to influence daniel's perception of her, too. i also like that they still actually show him eating, versus the cullens, who i don't ever recall being shown on screen (or in the book) eating anything.
when i write about the hunger in blood choke, i worried about how people would react to the hunting scenes in ch2. overall, way more positively than i expected. there's a lot more i want to expand on especially in the next chapter, and i worry about how it may look right now in the game's unfinished state. i don't want the hunger to be something bad, at least not at its core. everyone is hungry. everyone eats. and i wanted to make it so the vampires in my world could not just opt out of it. they can't eat animals, they can't sustain on blood alone, they have to eat.
when it comes to the mc, they struggle with the hunger, but it's more than that. like with louis, it's the combination of that visceral hunger but also being gay and gender nonconforming, someone who has always been an outcast in society struggling to find their way back in after having their memories and sense of self completely wiped clean. their hunger is a manifestation of this idea they have of their past self - the potential for them to become the next Standard - and their physical/sexual desire that they repressed for so long now untethered due to their lack of memories as well as waking up in a more accepting world.
i think this is a much more interesting way to approach the hunger as opposed to painting the actual act of eating as inherently evil. in twilight, all the good vampires don't eat, even when bella is a human she doesn't eat. in dracula, lucy is only ever good when she doesn't eat. and when she does eat, she becomes an evil, indulgent sexual demon that is a threat to all men and she has to be destroyed.
female vampires always get the worst of it; they are sexual deviants, they want to kill all men, they asked for it, they're disgusting and vile for desiring anything from food to sex to independence. this of course goes way back; again, look at lucy. even in more "progressive" vampire media like bit, the lesbian vampire is evil, hates all men, and is tricking and seducing her female companions into it.
it's interesting to see how far back these trends go. dracula and carmilla all the way up to the modern depictions today. the "good" vampire narrative almost never works; i think because the idea of what is "good" is always going to be influenced by the person creating it. edward is not a "good" vampire. he is a 108 year old man who preys on a teenage girl; this should have been far more important to his character than whether or not he, as a vampire, drinks human blood. but instead he's considered good because he only eats deer and he's skinny and white and looks like a model, and because stephanie meyer says he is.
i don't write all this to say that these topics can't be explored (twilight is terrible for many other reasons, and i think iwtv does do it well) but just to point out why, in my opinion, the "good" vampire is usually such a weak narrative. who decides what is good? and there are other ways to explore the themes of desire and humanity than just restricting their diet... just because your vampire doesn't eat humans does not make them automatically good. and to be frank no vampire will ever be ethical!!! that's the point!!!!
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panlight · 5 months
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I know fandom doesn't always think of Bella as a "Cullen" when thinking of the coven collectively. She wasn't included in your worst traits amplified answer. But I was still curious what you think hers would be.
Yeah to me "The Cullens" are the group pre-Bella. I understand that by the end of the story she and Renesmee are part of it, by in my brain everything sort of exists in this Eclipse-era status quo so I don't think of her as a Cullen.
As for a negative trait enhanced . . . I guess she could have turned into Renee? She seems to have a similar ability to get everyone to fall all over themselves to cater to her needs. This could just be Main Character syndrome, but we could chalk it up to inheriting a gift similar to Renee's and Bella doesn't even realize she's doing, but like, how many people put their lives on the line for Bella's love story? How many people end up dead because of it? Like, kind of a lot!
Renesmee is too young and too much of a plot device or symbol to really have any 'traits,' negative or positive. People have plenty of headcanons, but I'm talking on the page. She is possessive of Jacob though, and loves to show off the size of her prey, but how much these are 'negative traits' and not just 'she doesn't have much life experience yet no matter how smart she is' who's to say? She could have another Renee-like power, although personally I think most of the visiting vampires were doing it for Carlisle and/or because it was 'right' rather than because 'omg look at this cute baby' but Bella and Eleazar spoke about it as if Renesmee is just that cute and endearing, and you can certainly read her gift as maybe planting positive feelings for her in people's minds, as the ones who didn't let her touch them (like Amun and Alistair) were much less committed to the cause.
Or she could just go completely negative; this kid is going to be spoiled rotten as the miracle only child of a rich family PLUS she has Jacob, who has to be and do whatever she wants, and this is all super normal to her since birth. She is supremely used to being the center of attention and it seems really natural and normal to her. She's also used to 'showing' her thoughts to other people; if her power grows, how close do we get to mind-control? I'm sure SM intends for her to be all loveliness and light (but feel like an outsider as a hybrid), but she could easily go down a darker route.
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