#i posted this on twitter long ago but thought tumblr would appreciate it too!

[zuzusexytiems]

Idk when it was that I stopped typing with proper capitalization but maybe I ought to bring that back, lmao

Anyway. Hello, Tumblr 🥹 It's been a while (again). I have a lot of thoughts on Twitter's X revamp, but the gist is that I'm going through a little ~migration~ process atm and trying to ween myself off Twitter entirely (so I can be more active again here) 😭

It's not an easy decision to make, but unless things get better on Twitter, I feel like going back here and making this my main platform again is something that needs to be done.

So if you're a fan of my work here on Tumblr, I'd like to ask for a little favor.

One of the reasons I've been hesitant to go back to this site is because my engagements here (and elsewhere) just aren't the same compared to the bird app. If I post something on Twitter, I'd get 200 to 500 likes on average (and that's within the span of 5 days).

Here, I'd be lucky to get 30 in a month.

I know that engagements aren't the end-all and be-all of making fanwork, but realistically speaking, when you work on something for days and pour your heart into it, it can be pretty demotivating to see it flopping 😞

So the favor I'd like to ask you guys is this! Reblogging. That's it. :')

For new Tumblr users, this site doesn't have an algorithm, and the only way things spread around here is through reblogs.

Unlike Twitter, likes, unfortunately, don't do anything here 😞 And with only likes and no reblogs, a post on Tumblr dies out and remains in obscurity—unless people start reblogging it.

So yes! I hope it's not too much to ask, but reblogs will help a lot—even if it's old posts from years ago, I really don't mind (and in fact appreciate that you like my stuff enough to go through them 🥺 I see some of you guys in the notifs, thank you so much 🥹🙏🏽)

If you'd like to see some of my original stuff (and would like to reblog any of them 🥺) you can find them under the #jeanpikutiems tag, the #my-art tag, or the #my-writing tag. :)

Second (and only if you want, of course!) please feel free to interact with me here 🥹💜 Whether it's through asks or replying to my posts, or even just adding your reactions in tags.

A huge reason as to why I stayed on Twitter for so long and (preferred it over Tumblr) was because people talked to me frequently there. I made friends and connections, exchanged headcanons with people, and gushed about my love for Jeanpiku freely. So if I'm able to interact with you guys here, I would honestly love that! (especially since it's getting kind of lonely shipping a small ship like Jeanpiku 😭).

I can't always promise to respond on time, but I'll definitely see your stuff and will be happy to interact with all of you whenever my schedule loosens up. 🥺💜

Anyway, I think that's it! Again, these aren't really ~requirements~ and I hope it doesn't sound like I'm asking for too much 😭 But I'm ngl, it will mean a huge, huge deal to me, especially the reblogs. 🥺

If you read through all of this, thank you for your time, and I'll see you around! 🥹💜

#musings #sharing tiems #jeanpiku #bye twitter #(I hope 😭)

[everythingsinred]

For the writers ask: 2, 3, 4, 17

thank u for asking <3 <3 <3

2) What is your favorite fic of yours? i hope this isn't too much of a cop-out answer but my favorite fic is always the one i'm working on. a lot of love goes into each one and if i'm not fully enthralled in a story i'm writing i might as well not write it at all, imo. i'm particularly proud of atrad right now, because it took a long time, as well as lots of research and i really wanted it to be well-written. but rn, even though i'm on pause for a bit, subjectives is my fav bc it's the one i'm working on now.

3) What fic of yours do you think is underrated? it's hard to say when it comes to the ga fandom bc there's usually not as many readers at all, but i must say lack of interaction is what caused me to put not what we should be on the backburner for a few years. i fully intend to write all of it some day, but it is hard to get motivated when it's also a fic i've received negative comments on ;-;

(w the fandom that won't be named, i really liked writing trust, but it was seemingly less interesting to others so i abandoned it. rest in peace...)

4) What fic of yours were you surprised by how popular it was? i am always shocked when any of my fics get attention! my first ga fics in the internship universe on ffn got a lil bit of attention and i was genuinely surprised! but my g*th*am fic play dead getting as much attention as it did really shocked me, especially bc i was on twitter back then and i had plenty of mutuals who would "live tweet" reading whenever a new chapter came out, and it honestly felt so touching... the higher u fly, the more u have to fall and all that.

when it comes to ga, i had surrendered to having no attention especially more recently, but i think atrad got a decent amount of attention for how small the fandom is! and lots of ppl would comment and give me their thoughts which meant a lot too, and which i wasn't fully expecting!

17) Do you have any wips that you can tell us about? What are you most excited for in you wip?

obviously, i still have nwwsb, which someone asked abt recently! i'm very happy there's ppl out there who are interested in seeing it continue bc i am too <3 i'm thinking after subjectives, i'll probably continue nwwsb for a while (tho i had planned on it being rly long so i might get distracted by another project eventually before finishing it lmao)

i also wrote ~7 chapters of a zombie au a few years ago that i enjoyed but never posted bc pretty much all i saw on tumblr back then were ppl hating on zombie aus. i think i'd have to rewrite what i have though if i were to post it, which is why i'm not as excited about that project. i don't like restarting lol

and i also have a restaurant au i like, but it would likely not be quite as long as my other fics <3

and what i'm most excited abt is just sharing more fics for people to enjoy! i love writing natsumikan fanfic and giving as much as i can to this fandom and tho it seems to be in a constant state of shrinking, i won't let myself get too discouraged! thank u to all who read and enjoy my fics <3 i very much appreciate it!

send me a fic writing ask if you would like!

#ga #gakuen alice #thank u ur so nice for asking <3 #mizutaama #answered #ask games #writing asks #nwwsb #subjectives #all things rancid and delicate

[bahamutgames]

100th Post Celebration! Wahoo!!

Hello everyone! Yes you read that right, I've officially reached 100 posts on this tumblr! How exciting!

I know it's not really that crazy of a milestone, but considering this blog was completely inactive not too long ago, I'm happy to see it. It's become a blog I really enjoy and genuinely love coming to update and make little posts about video games on. And I hope you all enjoy seeing me talk on and on about random games too!

Also this account randomly jumped from under 10 followers to just over 50 this year. Which again isn't a lot but still its NUTS to see. I know a lot of you followed specifically for gifsets and I haven't made any in a hot minute. But I appreciate you still being here and maybe even enjoying my ramblings about games I play? Probably not... Maybe?

Regardless if you only read whatever interests you, if you somehow have the mental fortitude to read EVERYTHING, or don't read anything at all and are just wondering where the gifs are. I do appreciate you being here!

Mainly I just wanted to make this post to give a bit of an update on what's happening here. In the new year I still plan to run this blog the exact same way as I did this year. At this point I REALLY like the set up I have for posting my game thoughts and prefer much MUCH more over the old way of sharing thoughts through twitter threads. And I have no intentions of stopping, so I hope you look forward to seeing all the random stuff I play in the coming year!

Outside of just afterthoughts stuff, I do want to make more gifs. I haven't even really scratched the surface of what I could do with just the dozens of smash bros. games, mods, and fangames I have on my computer. And there's tons of other stuff I could make gifs of, and if they do become popular enough I may even consider taking game requests eventually (no promises though)

I have also been considering making some videos for more visually focused afterthoughts or to facilitate my more insane brain worm fueled video game ramblings. Like maybe gushing about random Xbox 360 RPGs or ramblings about Smash Bros. characters. This is just a concept though cause I REALLY don't want to become a youtuber and would only make videos for fun cause I think the stress of doing it regularly would kill me.

Then of course I have a lot of work to do, both for games I'm a part of and my own personal games like Once Upon An Adventure! I really want to buckle down and get some good progress done on it in 2024 (I say this every year so don't hold your breath lmao). But sadly I will also be moving in the first part of 2024 which will, as all moves are, be a long and stressful process. So I probably won't get a TON of gaming done for a bit outside of smaller games and maybe playing some old stuff I've been sitting on for a bit. But we'll see.

Regardless, thank you all VERY much again for your continued support and your interest in anything I say even though it's all pretty much pointless ramblings of an insane person. Look forward to more video game stuff from your pal Bahamutgreen in the future.

Have a great day, happy holidays, and here's to a lovely 2024!

#updates #2023

[jenseseart]

Is this mic on? Oh sh--

The Best of Randos, c. 2023 Hi, it’s Jen. It’s been a hot minute. I know. I’m sorry. If you’re reading this, awesome. If it’s your first time, even more awesome. As an artist, I’ve been more active on Instagram, and have tried to dabble in other social media platforms like Twitter. Alas, I have a full-time job (not in art, but this will not be for long!) and just don’t have the time to be dabbling in multiple platforms. Plus, let’s be real: I can only do so much.

Since Instagram is a nice way for me to showcase my sketchbook pages, character designs, and all things my art, I’ve stuck around that venue since it’s a pretty popular platform overall; however, with the big algorithm change they put into place a number of years ago...well, it’s definitely not a chronological feed anymore, which personally I think is just, for lack of better words--lame. Not to mention all the ads, reels, suggested posts--it’s just way too overstimulating. Plus, the constant scrolling...I digress. I’ve decided that moving forward I will be using Tumblr as a blog, just like how I was back in the day on Blogspot (do people still use that?). All the things that I would not be able to write about on Instagram, due to average amount of time spent on a post, will be here. All my thought processes, my journey as an artist, the goal of just doing art on a full-time basis--the whole enchilada. If you’re still reading up to this point, I congratulate you, and I appreciate you. As far as my knowledge is concerned, I don’t think a lot of artists blog much. Long text posts on Instagram I believe don’t count, since Instagram really relies on whatever media is uploaded first before any text is read. I want to keep blogging alive, and personally, I like reading writings from artists. It’s like picking at their brain, you know?

So where have I been in the last x-amount of years? I’ve been living in New Orleans since 2016. It’ll be 7 years for me when the Fall hits.

Welcome and welcome back to my blog. I look forward to telling you more about what’s been up with my artist journey since I left Los Angeles, CA. Do watcha wanna.

Coming Up Next Week: L.A. to LA: The Big Move

#jenseseart #artblog #theartistjourney #onelatotheotherla #welcomeandwelcomeback #artistwriitings #nolaartist #nola

[kim-ruzek]

kara's twitter likes and old public facebook had a lot of tr*mper stuff like being anti vax and other gross stuff :/ you can find the receipts on a few posts here and on twitter

I have caught up now and I am so utterly disappointed and disgusted by her right now. Like I've had to take the whole day to process this (which is good because this ask only came in over an hour ago (well to my notifications, Tumblr can be dodgy so you may have sent it earlier) so one good thing came out of it).

I think the original ask asked how I felt about everything that has come out about her? And well, in short, I now very much want them to make Sylvie fuck off because as much as Sylvie the character deserves more, k*ra does not and I honestly don't know how I'm gonna look at her face.

I honestly truly thought whatever the thing was it would be something minor, like something that's icky but something I can live with (just that I'd loose respect for the actress) but I was really unprepared for this-- just seeing her views in those posts it just made me extremely sick. I mean I'd say I'm surprised, but while I'm shocked purely because I thought the actress was adorable and sweet (and therefore in my mind I immediately just think that obvs they're a decent human being), I can't really say I'm surprised because a white woman being like this? In some ways I'm always sorta waiting for that shoe to drop.

It's made me very conflicted too, because while I adore Sylvie and can tend to still like characters when their actors are problematic, there's usually a line and k*ra has crossed every single one. And I don't know where that leaves me with Sylvie, because rooting for her character makes me feel very dirty because rooting for her is rooting for a disgusting hateful person to succeed. And while I think I'll be able to appreciate Sylvie's character in fanfic after a while, I don't know how I'm going to cope with watching her. I just feel so dirty for liking and supporting her actress for this long, like it goes against all my morals and I didn't know yeah but it still so icky and how can such a horrible person play someone who to me is one of the most kind hearted and open and accepting people???

Sylvie is a character who I feel brings genuine heart to CF and makes everything feel more homely but oh my god if I'm not now wishing that they'd get rid of her.

So how I feel about this? Disgusted, disappointed, conflicted and wishing that k*ra would just fuck off from the show because she doesn't deserve to be employed, especially not billed so high up, and also amazed at how the rest of the cast (especially certain members) can stand being around her (and also kinda more understanding of the Joe drama about two casey starring cf ships)

Thank you for asking, and helping to bring this to my attention because I really do feel utterly horrified that I liked this actress. I'm going to have to think about if I now care about Sylvie's storyline from here on out or if it just really no longer is possible.

#ree's asks #doee this count as needing an anti tag before it? bc I'd hope not in one way bc surely no one in this fandom supports her views??? #I'll put it anyway #anti kara killmer #chicago fire #on a side note (not a critism just a curiosity) it's interesting what people decide to list first when there's a lot of stuff problematic #bc i would've said the forced birth stuff and transphobia + racism first #it's just interesting how minds work #yet again not a criticism. #just me being way too sleep deprived and hopped up on lucazade

[peppertaemint]

I’m glad that anon brought up what you said a year ago and how it was pretty much spot on Namjoon’s sentiments at the festa dinner. I remembered you too and the shit show that ensued when you made your post. Because you had a bigger account at the time, many people saw what you wrote and so many asks were sent around to different blogs pretty much condemning you. Now many of the same blogs who assured everyone that BTS were still the same last year are now saying how they’ve actually felt the same deep down but didn’t want to verbalize it. I mean I’m not blaming anyone because not everyone could sense the change as early as you did but it’s just interesting to see how the public opinion on BTS’ music identity has changed over the last year. I can imagine that the harassment you faced was swift and unforgiving. I saw the asks sent to blogs accusing them of secretly being you and others throwing subliminal shade by referencing your ‘controversial’ post. Kudos to you for still continuing to blog after all that backlash. I guess the lesson learned is that everyone’s opinions are valid (as long as it’s not unreasonable hatred/disrespect) whether it’s a positive or negative take. Do you have any thoughts on how the boys solo careers and their relationship with their company will play out?

I appreciate you saying that, Anon. : ) It's not worth blaming anyone. What I would hope is that maybe some people will listen to others next time they present an opposing opinion and dialogue with them directly versus gossiping on other blogs. When we listen to each other, we get a whole lot further. You said it perfectly—everyone's opinion is valid. Just because we don't particularly like it, doesn't mean that person should become a target for horrible behaviour. I got off light, despite how horrible it was; other accounts I've talked to who went through the same thing on Tumblr & Twitter had their lives and the lives' of their loved ones threatened. Is it really that deep? We're talking about art here. Violent death threats, really?

I hope (probably in vain) that some of the army how joined the bandwagon to harass and degrade me and other people might reflect now that they know we weren't wrong. Idk ...

In terms of their solo careers, I'm really unsure what we will see because Hybe isn't exactly a consistent purveyor of the finest Kpop offerings. Consistent is the key word there. BTS have had these moments of brilliance (some MAMA/MMA performances, MOTS ON:E, LY:SY tour) but there isn't a consistency there. We also have Hybe saying on multiple occasions that they don't do "solo". So what will this look like? Hybe is still inexperienced and lacking in areas (styling, some of their music production/mastering, MV production—don't get me started on the weird CGI backgrounds).

So, I am hoping the solo work will be a sliver of what Kim Kibum (SHINee Key) has fought for at SM. He goes in with a PowerPoint presentation and lays out his ideas for his concept, including styling and other references. And then he takes part in all the production stages, including giving notes on the recordings themselves for the music producer. Kpop as a genre has been likened to Broadway; execution of concept, including styling, editorial photography, the physical production and the performance are all important, second only to the music itself. Some would probably consider all parts equal.

BTS' solos will display what their relationship is with the company and where they are in their artistic journey. The most important thing, I think, is to remember that a solo debut is a beginning. It's starting from scratch. Even though members have solo works in the BTS discography, they don't have experience of going solo. Readers should watch Taemin's debut solo stages. If you look carefully, you can see him trembling. And this was a person who never even wanted to debut in a group! ;D

#TM is happy he debuted in a group just in case weird asks fill anon's minds #bts ask #bts solo #it's exciting tho #can't wait to see what J-Hope comes out with

[away-ward]

HEY EVERYONE LISTEN UP AND LISTEN UP CLEAR.

The reason we all hate the devil's night fandom is because of its bitch fangirl, who just cant see others point in what they are saying.

And all of you coming here moaning and bitching are doing the exact same thing.

YOU WANT TO FIGHT? GO TO TWITTER OR TIKTOK. Leave tumblr as it was.

This blog is not yours stop using the anonymous thing to dump all your hatred or stuff.

Let me be honest most of the stuff i read that you said was BATSHIT CRAZY!!!!

You want to give opinions do that on your own blog and use tags we will answer there WITHOUT A FIGHT.

The only thing you didn't do is give death threats and them bam you are twitter.

Also it's KO's blog alright, just for once think what they must see the minute they open tumblr. They may or maynot get a burnout from answering all these anons.

Tumblr was honestly such a calm place to take but oh lord do you think KO is PD? That you are coming at each other's throat here.

I’m posting this because I haven’t started deleting asks yet.

In all honesty, I appreciate the defense, but I would prefer less hostile wording. I’m not one for arguing or forcing my will on others.

But there are points in here that I do agree with.

Please Read

We can disagree on interpretations of scenes and characters. We can see things differently, and we should be able to. As long as we can happily exchange thoughts and viewpoints, that’s what makes a fandom experience enjoyable for me. When people insist on their own way of things is when the joy starts to evaporate. Personally, the moment I see that an agreement can’t take place, I’ll drop a topic and refuse to bring it up with that person again.

This becomes harder when everyone is on anon, and as the asks backlog continues to grow. I can’t expect every new visitor and follower to read all 160+ asks to see if their topic has already been covered. And since everyone is on anon, I have no way of knowing if I’m going around in circles with the same person.

On occasion, I get asks that I know could possibly cause offense, but I never posted anything that I thought was meant to offend. I’m not anyone’s parent or guardian; it’s not my job to protect you from being offended. We control our own reactions to things. If you can’t stop yourself from wanting to argue with someone, please do it on your own platform. Mine is not the place.

I’ll take a break if I need one, but so far whenever it’s gotten a bit stressful, I usually get a sweet ask for something simple and fun that makes me happy to respond. But it can be hard, too. Not only do I have people starting to argue through me, but get asks like this which make me pause and consider if and how to post it, since I know some people won’t appreciate the tone it’s coming in.

I also have received some criticism from a few sources regarding how I’m handling the situation, as well as my responses in general.

To be clear, (and I’m not sure if I need to start adding a disclaimer to all my posts, because I thought this was a given), but I am no way an authority on Devil’s Night, nor do I think I am one. I’m working with the same information and source material you have.

Most everything I say is based on my interpretation of scenes and characters. The only time I think I’m “correct” is when the source material directly supports what I’m issuing as fact. As an example, a few asks ago, someone said they couldn’t believe Emory would have an insta or social media in general. But I brought out in NF she does have an insta, so that’s canon. I only remembered this because I too was surprised that she would have one.

I wanted to know what teenage Emmy was doing with her insta. I assumed it was probably private. Did she take pictures to document how her projects were progressing? Pictures of her grandma? Who did she follow?

How often did she look up Will? Did she have a finsta to follow Will??? That would be funny, but I doubt she’d go through the effort.

That single line lead to so many questions and now the knowledge that she had an Instagram is stuck.

I’m not correcting people just to be right, and if I’m wrong, I’ll happily accept that. But otherwise, it’s all interpretation and each of us can have whatever feelings we want about that.

As far as what I post, I would hope that the people following me would believe that I am not intending to offend anyone or force my view as the only right view. I try to hear everyone out, and comment when I have thoughts, whether I agree or not. Some people think I’ve been too kind and agreeable – agreeing just to keep the peace even when I know it’s wrong – and I understand how it could seem that way. Truthfully, my intent was just to allow other people to have their interpretations, thoughts, and feelings about a scene without trying to make them feel like they're “wrong” or “bad” if it didn’t align with mine.

I’m not sure where the line is, since I’m not about to start fighting with people for saying something I don’t agree with, or for saying it in a way I wouldn’t.

But maybe I can find a balance that will make me seem less inauthentic and less like I think I’m an authority in the fandom space. If that’s how some of you have felt without saying it, then I’m sorry. That was never what I meant to do.

So, since this has gotten a rise out of some and these issues have been brought to my attention, that is the reason I’ve decided to turn off anon or a while. Like I said, it’ll be temporary, and hopefully the situation will cool down. This isn’t to make anyone feel bad for what they’ve done or said. I’m still learning how to properly manage something like this; it’s a highly unusual situation for me, and I hope everyone can appreciate that.

Until the next time we speak, hope you have a wonderful time. I hope you read something you really enjoy. That you see something beautiful, and that if you cry, it’s happy tears only. If you have a pet, give them some love from me. No seriously. That last one is important to me.

-KO

#asked and answered #asked and answered 163 #blog update #blog post

[cdevroe]

Disbanding the POSSE

For the past several years I've been POSSE-ing. In Indieweb terms that means to publish content on my own site and syndicate it to other platforms. I've decided I'm going to discontinue using automation in favor of manually writing posts for each of the platforms I want to post to.

I'm doing this for 3 primary reasons.

POSSE-ing to other platforms is a messy business. And I'm persnickety.

Most communities on these platforms would prefer you do not cross post.

I believe I can better engage if I do this manually.

Thanks to Micro.blog, syndicating my posts from my blog to Micro.blog, Mastodon, and Tumblr has been very easy. Micro.blog also supports syndicating to Twitter, Medium, LinkedIn, and Flickr. Of any service I've tested, Micro.blog is by far the most thoughtful and well considered way to POSSE.

However, it isn't perfect. Many of my notes have multiple links in them. Like this one. Micro.blog supports multiple inline links but syndicating to Mastodon does not. So I lose a link! I do not know if this is a limitation of Mastodon's API or of Micro.blog's implementation -- but regardless, I cannot lose a link!

That is but one of likely a few dozen idiosyncratic niggles that I have with how POSSE-ing works and that is just for one platform. I'd like to syndicate to more platforms and each of those have their own look, feel, and community driven norms. As just one more example, hashtags. Micro.blog does not support hashtags whereas on Mastodon and Twitter they are first class citizens. By POSSE-ing via this method I lose out on all of that. And #believeinfilm is becoming a community I interact with often.

Please know that I'm not picking on Micro.blog. I don't think it is possible to build and maintain a syndication service that works exactly how I would prefer it to work. I've tried several different solutions over the last nearly 10 years to get this right. None of them will satisify my neurosis. If it wasn't for Micro.blog I would have given up trying long ago.

As the great Twitter exodus of 2022 was happening, and some people were flocking to Mastodon, the community there made it clear that they do not appreciate cross posting. Specifically, they discouraged people from setting up a Twitter to Mastodon cross posting service - but I believe they discourage cross posting all the same. And the more I think about it the more I get it. As I've written in the past, my mental model for each of these platforms are bars or cafes. If I ran down the street shouting into bars and cafes, people would think me weird. Perhaps I'm stretching the analogy too far but I understand why people would prefer direct engagement on the platform.

Photographers are all too aware of the need to tailor content for each use. Let's say I took a photo of a cat. If a magazine editor wanted to use the image for the cover or for an article within, that photo would have to be manipulated to their specifications for each of those uses. If I share a photo on my blog, Flickr, or Instagram - I create a different file for each of those because they require different specifications. It is why you see so many bounding boxes on photographer's Instagrams. They want to crop the photo to their liking not based on Instagram's constraints.

This leads me to believe that I should do the same for my text. I've been inspired by how Sara Soueidan constructs her posts for Twitter and Mastodon. Each post seems thoughtfully composed for each platform she publishes to. I would prefer to model after that.

This isn't to say that one couldn't spend time to get POSSE working mostly right. Or, that I couldn't build my own solution that might adjust my main quibbles with how Micro.blog syndicates content. Jeremy Keith is a great example of this. His posts are thoughtfully shared to each platform even if they are done so by a robot of his creation. He recently added Mastodon. I'm simply unwilling to take on the task of building and maintaining a robot to post to each platform based on their own particular set of requirements.

For the time being, I'll be syndicating to Micro.blog via Manton's very well built robot RSS feed eater, but for all other platforms I'll be taking the time to share each post that I consider worthy of the time.

[bakapandy]

BakaPandy’s FAQ

Hi, I’m Pandy, welcome to my tumblr! I thought I’d make a little post about me and some frequently asked questions I get. Please read this before sending me an ask!

ABOUT ME

Who are you?

I’m BakaPandy, but you can call me Pandy! Pronouns are she/her/hers. I’m 27 years old and I draw for fun or whatever catches my fancy.

Where are you from?

USA

Do you draw professionally?

No, I draw as a hobby. I work in the medical field.

(While I’m glad people are interested in what I do, I’d rather if you don’t ask me questions about it as I would like to keep my professional life private and separate from fandom)

How did you come up with your username?

I was a 11 yo weeb in the 2000s - early 2010s where everything had “baka” or “kawaii” or “sugoi”, etc. The name bakapandy stuck from way back then and has become a bit of a brand and changing it is just too much effort. 

How can I support you as an artist?

I have a Ko-Fi!

Reblogs are always the best. And feel free to comment! I love reading comments, replies, and tags. They always make my day.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to take commissions, but I do appreciate any sort of support!

ABOUT MY ART

Do you take commissions or requests?

Currently, no. Since I have limited time to draw because of school, I’d prefer to spend it drawing something that I want to draw. I do read suggestions and ideas if they end up in my inbox but I can not promise that I will draw it. 

Where did you learn to draw?

I’m self-taught. Lots and lots of admiring other people’s work and practicing a ton.

When did you start drawing/How long have you been drawing?

I’ve loved to draw all my life, but I got invested when I was about 10 when I truly dedicated time and effort into improving. So I guess it’s going on 17 years now.

What do you use to draw?

I use an 11in iPad pro, apple pencil, and Clip Studio Paint iOS

I’ve previously used a Wacom intuos, but switched over to the ipad pretty much exclusively a couple years ago

Can I use your art for my profile pic?

You can use my art for icons, phone and desktop wallpapers for YOUR OWN USE ONLY without asking me, though I’d really appreciate if you’d credit me if you use it in a public domain. 

Can I share your artwork on other sites?

No, please don’t repost my artwork anywhere else. You can always link to my blog or the page of the drawing (if there’s a thumbnail involved that automatically generated, then that’s fine), BUT PLEASE DON’T RE-UPLOAD ANYTHING. Share my work with whatever function is given to you on the site (reblogs for Tumblr, retweets for Twitter, etc.) so that it comes DIRECTLY FROM ME. I really appreciate your cooperation for this.

Can I translate your work?

The ONLY exception I make for reposting my artwork is for translation purposes. I don’t require you to ask me, but I would you appreciate it if you did. I’d also love to see it! 

PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE MY SIGNATURE AND PLEASE CREDIT ME AS THE ARTIST AND AUTHOR IF YOU DO. 

Where else can I find your art?

I have a Twitter and Instagram

FANDOM RELATED

Will you ever draw Free!/sourin again?

Honestly, I don’t know. I loved Free! and SouRin for so long but my creative energy for them fizzled out and I just don’t have anymore ideas...maybe when I finally see Final Stroke, I’ll make something?

Who are your favorite Naruto characters?

In case you couldn’t tell from my art content, I love the Sand-Nara family. Gaara has always been my favorite since I was in middle school.

Who do you ship with Gaara?

No one. I headcanon him as aro/ace.

What do you think about Gaara ships?

They’re not my cup of tea but people can ship what they want. Go live your best lives.

What about Boruto ships?

I don’t ship the kids. I just like them all being cute and friends. 

Recently, though, I got into Konohamaru X Log lmao.

Please note that Log is an adult and I consider him separate person to Mitsuki. I do not ship or endorse KonoM*itsu in any way, shape, or form. They are not the same people and have entirely different personalities. 

Do you have ANY ships in Naruto?

Pretty much only ShikaTema is the one I’m the most invested in. I follow along with the canon ships (e.g. NaruHina, SasuSaku, ChoKarui) but I have no particularly strong feelings for or against them.

Other ships I enjoy in passing: KakaGai, NejiTen, SaiIno, NejiLee

Do you have a Naruto OC?

I have one OC and her name is Kotori, and she’s Shinki’s daughter haha. She’s a joint OC with my friend @bichobolitagaarashusband

Usually though, I prefer to stick to canon characters, relationships, and dynamics

Do you not like Naruto OCs?

They typically don’t really interest me so I don’t really engage with them. But people can do what they want and I’m not going to criticize them for it. I have Kotori and tbh I really only interact with one OC mostly bc he belongs to my friend haha

#pandy FAQ #FAQ #ask pandy

[a-dragons-journal]

i dont "kin for fun" but through tiktok i found out about the whole kin for fun vs actual otherkin... situation ig? im having a really hard time taking it seriously... maybe im just burnt out and bitter from dealing with the worlds current events, and maybe its because on tiktok the only people i saw mad about it were white people, but you're the most reasonable person ive seen talking about it (a lot of other posts have this odd tone that 12 year olds on tiktok saying kin is the worlds greatest opression and it weirds me out) so ig my question is just... why exactly does this matter? why does it matter enough to post about and care about and not just ignore? /gen

Hey! I don’t blame you for being a bit weirded out by it, we’re a weird subculture and we’re well aware of it! xD I appreciate you taking the time to actually look into it past your first knee-jerk reaction, especially considering burnout and the state of things.

I’m not totally sure if you’re asking why otherkinity matters or why the “kin for fun” being wrong matters, so I’ll answer both - they’re pretty well tied together anyway.

The short version:

Otherkinity is an identity. It’s who we are, we can’t choose to pick it up or put it down, and it comes with struggles - though no, ‘kin are not systematically oppressed (though we are pretty badly bullied and, at this point, pushed out of our own words and spaces).

What people calling roleplay/relating to/projecting onto characters “kinning for fun” does is steal our words, make them meaningless, and in doing so, make it difficult or impossible for us to find each other. If someone says “I kin [x],” I no longer know whether they mean “I am [x] on an intrinsic level” or “haha I relate to this character a lot”. I no longer know whether they actually share my experiences or if they’re going to turn on me and call me “crazy” as soon as they realize I’m not exaggerating or joking or roleplaying. It’s done massive harm to the community as a whole because it’s become difficult to tell whether someone is actually ‘kin or if they’ve misunderstood the whole thing - and because antikin rhetoric, which I’m seeing more and more in KFF spaces, hurts far more when it’s coming from inside what you thought was a community space than when it’s coming from self-labeled “antikin.”

There are other words for roleplaying and relating to and projecting onto characters. Hell, there are words for strongly identifying with-but-not-as characters/things, though usually KFF people don’t even seem serious enough for those to fit in my experience. I’m really not sure why these people are so determined to steal and misuse our words, words that were specifically created to mean something else, when they already have their own and are just refusing to use them. (Or, hell, if you don’t feel like those fit, make your own. We did. It’s your turn to put in the work. (General you, not you-the-anon, of course.))

An analogy, if that still doesn’t quite land for you:

Consider, for a moment, the transgender community. I am aware this is a dangerous thing to say, but bear with me. Obvious CW for hypothetical transphobia up ahead is obvious.

Consider if you were part of the trans community (I don’t know if you are or not), having finally found a word to explain why you feel the way you do about yourself, why your experiences don’t seem to match up with those of everyone else around you. Having found a community, a home, full of other people like you, people you never would have met if not for words like “transgender” and “gender dysphoria/euphoria” that were created specifically to describe your experiences.

Now consider if people suddenly stumbled across your community for the first time who were not trans themselves. They see community jokes and lighthearted posts out of context, because Tumblr and Twitter aren’t exactly conducive to making sure people find the Transgender 101 information posts first. They don’t bother to do further research, assuming they understand: ah, these people like to crossdress! They like to pretend they’re a different gender! This seems like a fun hobby, I want in!

They begin to post things like this. They post photos of them crossdressing and caption them “hi, I’m [name], and I trans men!” and things of the like. Suddenly the concept of “transing for fun” seems to be everywhere - and it’s not at all what being trans actually is, but these people either don’t know or don’t care. When actual trans people try to politely correct them, they’re accused of “gatekeeping” - and to be clear, this is not “nonbinary people aren’t real,” it’s “transgender means you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, and you’re self-identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% and telling us this is just a fun hobby for you, therefore you’re not trans, you’re crossdressing or doing drag or being GNC. That’s fine, but it’s not being trans - you have other words to describe that, use those.”

(Yes, I am aware these things have a history with the trans community - please just ignore that for the sake of the analogy and bear with me on the slightly simplified version of this. “Kinning for fun” does not have that same history with the otherkin community.)

...And then the response to those attempted corrections, in some corners, turns into “wait, you ACTUALLY think you’re another gender? idk that sounds pretty unhealthy, maybe you should see a psychologist or something :\” and “you’re taking this too seriously.”

I imagine, in this hypothetical scenario, you’d also be pretty fuckin peeved.

(Obviously, in this hypothetical scenario, systematic transphobia would be an issue as well, which isn’t the case for otherkin - again, you’re gonna have to bear with me on the simplification for sake of analogy there.)

(EDIT: this is not an anti-MOGAI/exclusionist argument, this is “you’re literally telling me you don’t fit the definition,” explanation on that here)

The long version, which is probably still worth reading if you have the time and energy:

Otherkinity is... pretty core to who I am, who we as a group of individuals are. We live with being otherkin on a daily basis. Many of us spent a long time feeling different and disconnected and not understanding why until we found the otherkin community. Even people like me, who don’t share that experience and still had social connection - I’ve still had to live with weird differences that I had to learn to mask when necessary; instincts that don’t line up with human society well, feeling body parts that weren’t there and that no one else ever seemed to have, things that other kids grew out of because it was just make-believe for them and I... didn’t, because it was never make-believe for me to begin with. Oh, sure, I played make-believe too - I played warrior cats and house and all those things with the other kids, but there were things that weren’t play-pretend for me too. I didn’t have an explanation for it for a long time - it was just how I was, I was weird, and fortunately for me personally I was okay with that (many of those with species dysphoria or more trouble connecting with humans have more problems from that than I did).

And then I found the word “otherkin.” And suddenly everything fell into place, and I had an explanation for the things I’d been experiencing, and there were other people like me. Something I’d assumed didn’t exist. I found others who shared my unique experiences, who were talking about how to cope with the instinct to growl or snap jaws at people instead of expressing annoyance in a human way instead of just saying “that’s weird, don’t do that”, who were talking about dealing with phantom wings and tails, who understood me. I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t broken, I was exactly what one would expect from a dragon living in human skin. I found an explanation for myself. I found a home.

That is why otherkinity matters - it is who we are, it’s not something we can walk away from (certainly not most of us, anyway), and it’s something many of us need the support of the community to help deal with on a daily basis. Being a nonhuman in human society isn’t always easy, but it’s not something we can just magically stop being - it’s core to who we are, we (generally) didn’t choose to be this way, and we (generally) can’t choose to stop. Which is fine - the vast majority of us can cope with it just fine, with a little advice and help and space to be our authentic selves in. We found each other, we built this community from the ground up to make a space and words to make finding each other easier - or possible at all.

Thus we come to the second half of our story.

It was only a couple of years ago that the “kin for fun” trend started getting big. It had existed before that, of course, but it only started going mainstream two, maybe three years ago, from what I can tell. Suddenly people were treating “kin” like it meant relating to, projecting onto, roleplaying as, or just really really liking a character or thing - not being that thing, which is what it actually means. Not long after that, it became hard to tell whether someone saying “I kin this” meant they were that thing, that they were actually part of our community - or that they really really liked that thing and either didn’t know or couldn’t be bothered to learn that that wasn’t the case for us.

Not long after that, it became relatively commonplace to hear phrases like “otherkin are ruining kinning!!” and “you’re taking this too seriously” and “idk, if it’s that serious for you that sounds unhealthy. maybe you should get some help :\” (all directly quoted, or as exactly quoted as I can remember, from things KFF people have said to me or people I know).

It is a special kind of hell, I think, to be told “you’re taking this too seriously, that’s unhealthy” by people who are taking words created to describe your experiences, not theirs, and misusing them to mean something that you do for fun on a weekend instead of something that’s intrinsic to your being.

Perhaps more importantly, like I’ve said, it’s making it almost impossible to know whether someone who says “I kin [x]” is actually ‘kin or if they’re misusing our words to mean something else entirely. The entire point of words is to communicate ideas, and once you start misusing words to mean something totally different than what they actually mean, that communication falls apart and suddenly we might as well not have those words at all. Especially when the community is small enough and obscure enough that we’re starting to be outnumbered by the misinformation. We’re being run out of our own words, words we created to describe our experiences specifically - because we’re a small community that the wider internet can easily drown out by sheer numbers of people who either don’t know any better or don’t care to learn.

That’s the harm it does - the harm it is doing, right now. That’s why it’s important enough to post about. That’s why it matters - because we’re fighting desperately to hang onto our own words so that others like us can actually find us. Because we’re seeing young nonhumans go “this isn’t a kin, I actually am this” and screaming “No, I’m so sorry that this is what the misinformation has done to you, that’s exactly what otherkin means, you have a place here, please don’t let these non-’kin misusing our words drive you away from the very community you’re looking for and that you belong in.” Because we can’t even communicate effectively about our own experiences anymore except in semi-closed spaces like Discord servers and forums (and the number of Discord servers overrun with KFF people is absurd).

......This got very long. Hopefully it at least explained why it matters so much to me and others a bit better ^^; Thanks for hearing me out, and thank you again for looking into this beyond your initial knee-jerk reaction - I really do appreciate it.

(For further reading, if that text wall didn’t blow you out of the water completely, I recommend my “kin for fun” tag, which has more posts like this in both short and long form.)

#probably should've put this under a cut but oh well #otherkin #kin for fun #kinnie #kinning #rani talks #asked and answered #anonymous #rani talks A LOT apparently sbfldkngjlksdf #i have a lot of feelings on this #long post

[queersatanic]

I joined TST about a year ago (but haven't gotten too involved due to the pandemic and my own personal anxiety) and was wondering if you had more sources for all the claims you make against them. I've tried doing my own research, but haven't been able to find much backing up your claims (not that I'm saying you're wrong.) I've noticed quite a few red flags ever since I joined, and am considering dropping my membership to become an "independent Satanist," but I would really appreciate some more concrete sources for why TST isn't as great as they make themselves out to be. It's hard to find much of anything about them online, but most of what I can find just talks about their "activism." (Although it's very likely that I'm not looking hard enough, or maybe just not looking in the right places.) I know you sometimes put sources on your posts about TST, but the ones I've read don't seem to have much information about the topics you're addressing.

The Satanic Wiki is going to link to a lot of primary sources, like government registries and financial documents.

The very, very long piece we did on the history of The Satanic Temple's co-owner and chief speaker Lucien Greaves as well as the fundamental problems with TST's structure utilizes the Wiki but also repeatedly links to news articles, first-person accounts from other members, and statements directly from Lucien Greaves and Cevin Soling themselves.

Same with our Twitter megathread thread, also available on Ye Olde Tumblr.

Both of those have copious sourcing.

There is no shortage of people talking firsthand about the problems with The Satanic Temple, and for all that TST defenders will say, "That was long ago. Things have changed!", they are never really able to point to exactly how things were changed, addressed, corrected, etc. Since it keeps happening.

Honestly, the biggest change may be that they wrapped more people up in NDAs and have been willing to threaten lawsuits against them (like with us), so the "TST is bad, actually, and treated people terribly" posts are fewer not because of an improvement in their behavior but their ability to more effectively silence dissent.

So, a bunch more of those articles under the break.

A lot of these links were even included as "evidence" in a now-dismissed defamation allegation against us, as well as our own explanation of what we learned from former members after we were ghosted by the local TST and accused of a coup.

Once of the requirements of defamation is that the plaintiff demonstrate where something is untrue rather than just makes them feel bad, which TST never bothered to do. So much for "freedom to offend" and "anything that can be destroyed by truth should never be spared its demise."

If you're looking for news articles, Anna Merlan's pieces for The Village Voice and Jezebel are very good critical, rather than fawning, looks at TST in 2014 and 2018, respectively.

But the Riverfront Times article about the Mary Doe case in Missouri by by journalist Danny Wicentowski is probably the gold standard for understanding why they just are not competent litigators and should not be supported by anyone, financially or otherwise.

#The Satanic Temple #TST #Satanic #Satanism #Lucien Greaves #Malcolm Jarry #United Federation of Churches LLC #SLAPP #Why I Left The Satanic Temple #Why I'm Leaving The Satanic Temple #Why You Haven't Left The Satanic Temple #The Struggle For Justice Is Ongoing

[azumasoroshi]

dude I just watched spiderman no way home and my brain has been rotting so hard from strange saying something along the lines of "all the people who love you, peter...we'll all forget you existed" and peter's like 👁👄👁

maybe I've read too much fanfiction where stark and strange coparent peter but GOD that hit me right in the feels

dude the second I saw andrew garfield I was like OH. oh THATS why all the tick tick boom posts I was reading were talking about him being in no way home

when he saved mj that also hit me in the feels :(( only able to save his loved ones in a different universe, might use that angst for a fic sometime

tobey maguire caught me way off guard though because see I do not remember celebrity names at all unless they've been memed to death so I thought he looked really familiar but I couldn't put my finger on where

and I was thinking about this from the second he showed up like. I know that guy. I swear I know him

but it only hit me AFTER HE GOT STABBED that he was nick in the great gatsby movie which I watched a few weeks ago after reading the book and I was like OHHHHHHHH

dunno why it took me that long but yknow

I didn't understand why everyone was obsessing over doc ock in the trailer because I had no idea who he was and my only context for anything spiderman related is from the avengers peter parker but the second Peter got control of his machinery I was like oh?? and by the end of the bridge scene I was in love I'm sorry guys I fell for doctor tentacles :(

and when he got imprisoned in the wizard dungeon I was like NOOOOO and then he was talking about how he died and I was like NOOOOOOOOO

but then when may was like "regular water or salt" I realized he was gonna get a redemption arc and I was like YESSSSS

and the he appeared next to mark (that's the name of the lightning guy right) and I was like NOOOOOO and then he helped the spidermans and I was like YESSSSS

is this what it's like to have a skrunkly. a blorbo, mayhaps

I think he would make a cool uncle for peter and he will absolutely be the one I watch the most YouTube clips about and I also have a newfound appreciation for the doc ock in into the spiderverse

(also the second I saw mark?'s face after he was first decommissioned I immediately thought of the meme of the lightning guy and barely held back from laughing because I actually thought he was the source of the meme for a second

which he's not. right? if he is I'm gonna feel so stupid)

mmmm what elseeee

wong and strange were great as always and I love their winter outfits, reminded me of how anime characters get summer/winter outfits pff

I deadass forgot that mysterio died...I think? they mentioned that somewhere in the film I think but yeah I thought he was gonna pop up at some point and screw everything over

I thought Ned and MJ were gonna be dating at the end and I was like OOOOOOOOOF but I dont think that was the case lmAO

in conclusion I am a newly recruited doc ock simp, my long-dormant ironstrange heart has been reawakened and I can FINALLY unmute the no way home tag on twitter and tumblr and browse to my heart's content :D

#no way home #spider man: no way home #nwh #spiderman #spiderman: no way home #idk what the best tag to use is oop #soro rambles

[dredshirtroberts]

Constellations

on AO3!

Rating: M / Lime Pair: Eskel/Geralt Summary: Eskel loves Geralt but their soulmarks don't match - he'd know. They're witchers, and scars are their business. As he joins Geralt in retirement, Eskel figures whatever he can get with the other witcher will be enough. He might get a little bit more than he thought he was bargaining for, but Eskel's never passed up a good deal.

My entry into the @eskelbigbang. Trying something new for posting fic so bear with me. Check out the awesome art by @dat-carovieh on their tumblr and twitter @ LupisLionstooth!

Eskel growled a little as he stumbled off the path, clutching the wound on his side. The scar on his face creased with his snarl as he collapsed into a tree. He hated being wounded. The blood loss was greater than normal and his vision swam as he tried to push forward. The horse beside him whickered softly at him as he tripped. A loose stone, probably—or at least he hoped. If there were nothing in the path that would be worse. That would mean he was worse off than he’d thought.

He needed to keep going. He had an appointment to make.

"You should meet me in Novigrad,” Geralt had said over cards last winter. They were several glasses of his horrible wine in (it wasn’t horrible, Eskel loved it, but he loved picking on Geralt more—loved making his nose wrinkle with irritation, and Eskel did prefer ale over wine but the wine made at Corvo Bianco was alright and, best of all, free) and having a quiet evening.

Most of their evenings together were quiet these days. How long had they lived now? How many of their friends were lost to the passage of time?

Lambert never stayed, preferring the road. They both dreaded his never returning but after the loss of his soulmate—the Cat Witcher that Geralt had helped avenge—he’d never been quite the same.

Ciri had grown up, grown into herself. She’d had a longer than average lifespan from her Elven blood, but she stayed with Yennefer more often than not, and had become a strong woman and mage in her own right. Yennefer, for her part, came and visited infrequently, lost often in her own research and pursuits.

Geralt’s bard, Dandelion, had retired from traveling, had owned a bar, had been a professor at Oxenfurt, and then, eventually, had passed in time from an old life lived long and lived well. Their other friends were either distant or dead.

So, things were quiet.

“Why would I meet you in Novigrad? I’m here?” Eskel had asked.

Geralt had rolled his eyes, “I mean when you’re not here. Back on the Path. We should meet in Novigrad. It’s a mid-point between here and your normal territory. And the biggest bookshop on the Continent.”

It was a tempting offer. And it wasn’t really like Eskel was going to refuse. They’d just never planned to meet before. Geralt had retired from the Path years ago, staying at his winery or traveling to meet his friends but never hunting monsters. Not that there were many monsters to find these days as it was. Eskel’s coin purse had been light for years, the only saving grace was Geralt’s hospitality during the winters, and his generosity with the funds that came in from the winery.

“Alright. Why?”

“Because I miss you when you’re out, dumbass,” Geralt groused with another eyeroll, the bite in his words sour and reminiscent of their younger brother-in-all-but-blood. The quick twitch of the corner of his mouth down and the tightness near his eyes belied the sincerity behind the words, however.

“Aww, I miss you too,” Eskel batted his eyes at Geralt sweetly, teasing, “Alright sure. I’ll meet you in Novigrad. When?”

Eskel was supposed to have been there days ago. But the contract he had been on was not only longer than anticipated but a larger beast as well. A more vicious one. And now he was injured and trying to make his way to Novigrad to meet Geralt.

He needed to meet Geralt there. He missed the man, his closest friend for the past century and a half, his only family. The closest thing Eskel would get to having his soulmate.

They didn’t talk about their marks. They used to. Before the Trials. Before everything had changed.

They were very young, the first time it had been brought up among their year group. Ten boys huddled around comparing the discolored skin that showed the closest their mate would ever come to death and recover from. They were in nothing but their smallclothes, sitting in a circle in one of the dorm rooms of Kaer Morhen and lit by only the fire in the hearth that kept the room warm in the cold nights.

Eskel’s mark was a series of dots on his arm, black-purple like bruises, peppered in regular intervals, dark lines running deep into his skin, touching the veins that brought blood to his hands, peppered in at the crook of his elbow. It was remarked by one that they were like stars—a description Eskel held onto for many years, even onto the Path itself, the constellations of Destiny drawing him to the match to his soul. Some boys had dark red patches on their chests, deep shadows of wounds-that-weren’t-yet slicing through their legs, their arms, their stomachs. One boy, Gweld, had a pale line running right across his throat.

Geralt’s was the biggest. A swath of pink skin from hips to shoulders, like he was flayed open and a new patch was sewn on in a slightly wrong color. Eskel’s heart hurt to see it. He liked Geralt best of the other boys, he wasn’t too loud when Eskel wanted to read, exchanged stories of knights and chivalry and wanting to be a hero with Eskel. And they of course got up to much mischief together, which Eskel always appreciated. To see him marked like that, to know that whoever Geralt’s soul was promised to would have to survive something that bad, was painful.

Eskel and the other boys knew Geralt’s soulmate was a Witcher. It was obvious. No one else would survive an injury that large, that deep.

Vesemir had caught them that night, scowling and barking to get back into their beds, that they’d all have kitchen duty in the morning and for the next week after for being out of bed so late. The boys had complained, whining as they got into their bunks.

The outline of Geralt’s soulmark was etched into Eskel’s mind for a long while after. Forever, really.

They’d discussed their respective marks privately at other times. Osbert had caught them out once, poking and prodding at one another, wondering what the cause of their marks would be, speculating on when they’d meet their soulmates. Would it be before they’d gotten the scars that would be representative of the marks on their bodies? Would it be after? What scars would they acquire and how would they show up on their soulmates?

Osbert had seen their marks. Saw Geralt’s and nodded, his eyes sad but knowing. Then he’d seen Eskel’s. The look on his face was one that Eskel wasn’t able to parse at the time, but as he looked back on the memory in later years, he realized it was devastated.

Eskel didn’t know what caused him to feel that way until he was strapped to the table during the Trials, mages and Witchers alike hovering over him. One of the mages had seen his arm, had nudged another beside him and said, “Look, this one already has where the needles go on his arm. Nearly labeled and everything.”

The laughter that had passed between the two mages frightened Eskel, but not more than the knowledge that his mate, the soul that matched his soul, the one that Destiny herself had picked for him, would go through the Trials, and that would be the worst thing they would survive. Would they die? On the table? He knew it was a possibility but…

Would he die before meeting his soulmate? That hurt worse, the thought of leaving his soulmate to the world without knowing what happened to Eskel. His brain raced through all the injuries he knew he’d acquired since coming to Kaer Morhen—which one was the worst one? Which one brought him closest to death? Which would be the mark on his mate’s body if he died on the table, chemicals and reagents and mutagens pouring into his bloodstream, changing his body?

For the first time in his life, he wondered if his soulmate would fear him after he became a Witcher, if he survived. And as the needles pierced his skin, their caustic, toxic mixtures seeping into him and altering him irrevocably, he cried.

Eskel, of course, had survived the Trials.

Geralt had, as well. Not easily, though. He’d been chosen for additional mutagens, extra tests, further Trials. Once-auburn hair that shone blood-red in the sunshine was snow-white. His skin was death-pale, and shadows seemed perpetually under his eyes. He had been unconscious when they’d brought him back up to the dorms, and Eskel had sat by his bed as often as he could, watching, waiting for his friend to wake up.

If he’d checked Geralt’s arms for the marks that still lay purple-bruised on his own, darker now with the pinpricks of the needles that had actually entered his arm, well… They weren’t there. His arms were as clear as the sky on a summer day. It was as if the Trials had not happened to him. Eskel knew that Witchers healed quickly, that the marks on his arm—the one’s he’d acquired, not the ones he’d been born with—would disappear shortly. But to see Geralt who had gone through more with nothing had…

Had…

Eskel hadn’t realized until that moment how much he desperately wanted Geralt to be his soulmate, until he had been so devastated by the undeniable truth that he wasn’t.

Eskel collapsed on the ground, the world shifting on its axis as he blinked foggy blurriness from his eyes. The horse behind him had stopped obediently. Geralt had trained him well, of course. Eskel didn’t expect otherwise from a man who had trained every single horse he had ever ridden—even if he did end up calling them all Roach.

He wasn’t going to make it to Novigrad.

It was the last coherent thought he had before he slumped to the ground, the world going dark around him.

Eskel had many wounds in his lifetime. Wounds that had brought him to the brink of death and he was saved only by the timeliest of Swallows, of magical healers, of mages. It was the fate of a Witcher. Their Destiny to be covered in marks from their profession. Some wore their scars proudly, some hid them away. Eskel didn’t really mind either which way. Not until Diedre.

The deep, horrible mark on his face certainly made him feel as though he were better off dead. It wrapped around the side of his face, tore part of his lip away leaving him with a constant snarl, reaching to his ear. He knew, in that moment, that whoever his soulmate was, had to hate him for giving them this…this…

This thing on their face.

It was also when he lost all hope that Geralt could still be his soulmate. That his best friend would ever become more. Geralt had always had a rather romantic idea of how soulmates worked. He would take his pleasure where he could get it in the meantime—as most Witchers did, but he would wait to have a romance with someone until their marks matched scars.

And Eskel, the fool, loved him for that. Loved him for his hopeless, idealistic view on soulmates, when in reality a soulmate was just a person, as flawed and horrible as every other person on the Continent. There were soulmate couples who hated one another. Those who never met. Those who hurt their mates, were the ones to give them their scars.

As soon as Eskel knew he was not Geralt’s he worried. He worried for Geralt because the man, despite everything was still soft on the inside, was still the boy with bright eyes who waxed poetic about becoming a Knightly Witcher, who would save the world, not just from monsters but from everything he could. The man who had wanted to name himself Geralt Eric Roger du Haute-Bellegarde entirely earnestly. The man who loved every horse he ever met and named them each after the same kind of fish.

Eskel worried because he could not protect Geralt if his soulmate hurt him, because Eskel was not his soulmate.

Eskel traced the constellations on his arm, the little stars that marked where his soulmate went through the Trials. That marked where he went through the Trials. Absently, late at night he wondered if they were someone he had already met.

After the pogroms and the attack of Kaer Morhen he no longer needed to wonder. If he hadn’t met them yet, they had probably already died.

It was years before he let himself consider that they had died even earlier than that. Likely the first year on the Path. He tried not to think about if they were from the Wolf school or another.

Sometimes he would run his fingers over the shape of the scar on his face, wonder if his soulmate could feel it—could have felt it, he sometimes reminded himself, they weren’t alive anymore, likely. He would think about what it would be to run his fingers lovingly over the mark that tied them together, let them touch his mark—the memories of the Trials were painful, traumatic for all who went through them, but maybe with the fact that it connected them together in so many ways it would be… better.

Eventually he stopped letting himself think about it at all. It hurt too much. It wasn’t Geralt, it would never be Geralt, and he would never know his soulmate.

And maybe, if he were really and truly honest with himself, he didn’t want to know his soulmate.

Eskel woke in a bed.

This was mostly jarring because he had the distinct memory of passing out in the middle of the road, but he’d woken up in worse places than a bed before. At least this time there were no succubi.

That had been interesting.

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” Geralt’s voice was gravelly as always, and coming from Eskel’s left hand side.

Eskel grunted as he turned his head to look at the white-haired man beside him. The ever-present dark circles under his eyes seemed darker than usual, the pallor of his skin waxier and wanner than Eskel remembered from the last time they’d seen one another.

(Geralt had been looking healthier since he’d retired, well-fed, relaxed. This looked like Geralt on the Path—something Eskel hadn’t seen in years, decades even.)

“You look like shit,” Eskel said, pulling his face into a rough approximation of a smirk. His body felt heavy and he could feel the familiar tug of stitches in his side. At least he wasn’t actively bleeding out anymore.

“Yeah, well,” Geralt started like he was going to retort, but his voice fell flat as his expression did something Eskel wasn’t sure he’d ever seen on the man before, “You’re lucky I caught your scent while I was out hunting or you’d have died laying in the road.”

“Business as usual, then,” Eskel grunted, attempting to sit up a little. Geralt moved quickly, faster than Eskel was anticipating, and a hand was on his chest, pushing him back down into the bed. If Eskel really wanted to, he probably could have ignored the hand but…

Geralt’s long fingers were cold and felt nice on his heated skin and it had been so long since their last hug in Toussaint before Eskel had left on the Path again. Maybe this year he’d actually talk to Geralt about retiring with him, about setting up in the winery with Geralt, becoming even-older-old men together. It wasn’t like the monsters were getting any more populous. He could take up a trade, maybe, and pretend he wasn’t made into a monster himself by mutagens and actions and scars. Maybe he could pretend they were soulmates again, that this was enough.

He suddenly remembered why he hadn’t chosen to retire with Geralt yet. Why he might not ever.

“Stay down, idiot. You’ll pull your stitches.”

“Doubt I need them much longer,” Eskel grumbled.

“The fact that I could see your intestines before I got you fixed up begs to differ.” Geralt’s eyes were narrowed, the slits of his pupils dark in the wheat-gold of his eyes.

“Eh, they needed a bit of fresh air,” Eskel’s joking tone didn’t quite hit, and Geralt’s jaw clenched as he swallowed thickly. Eskel winced, turning away, “That was dumb of me to say, I’m sorry.”

“No you’re…you’re right. It’s part of the job,” Geralt was leaning back, taking his hand with him and Eskel gritted his teeth together to avoid begging him to keep touching Eskel, to never let go.

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck,” Eskel shrugged.

They sat in silence for a bit, Eskel’s eyes feeling heavy again.

“You give me something for it?” He asked, his brow creasing in confusion.

“What?”

“For the…” He gestured to his side, “Did you give me something?”

“Nah, why?”

“Tired,” Eskel mumbles, feeling his eyes drift shut again. Though, perhaps the exhaustion is more from having pushed himself on the Path for days on end before his last contract, and then further while injured, from having little to no food because he couldn’t afford it and the hunting was scarce close to the griffin.

Perhaps it was being in a bed for the first time since he’d left Geralt’s side in early spring, or maybe just the safety and comfort of having Geralt by his side again, listening to the man’s steady, Witcher-slow heartbeat and the soft sound of his breathing.

“So sleep,” Geralt’s voice is fond in Eskel’s ears and he thinks it’s probably just his mind making things up as it slows from waking to meditation to sleep, drifting from consciousness to dreams with little to no effort.

Eskel thinks he could get used to it, and fears what that means.

Eskel wakes again and it’s morning. Sun is shining through the window in the corner and birds are chirping outside.

Geralt is asleep, leaned forward on the bed, head resting on Eskel’s lap, and hands clasped around Eskel’s own. Previously cold fingers are warmed by the heat of Eskel’s palms and something in Eskel’s chest clenches in a way he is all too familiar with.

Geralt’s hair is loose, unbound and a tangled mess around his shoulders. Several strands have fallen across his face, a lock of it draped over his eyes, closed in sleep with pale lashes fanned out over dark circles. Soft breaths huff between parted lips that move slightly with the dreams that he sees behind his eyelids—Eskel can see the shape of his eyes darting back and forth beneath the thin skin.

He brings his other hand up, the one unclaimed by Geralt’s grasping fingers, and gently pushes the hair out of the other man’s face.

Geralt is beautiful. And Eskel loves him. He loves him so much.

Golden eyes drift open slowly, pupils sliding from wide circles to rounded slits with the light as Geralt blinks, taking a moment to wake up.

“Hey,” Eskel murmurs, a smile sliding over his face—easy, this time, and he is sure his emotions are plastered all over his face but he can’t really find it in himself to care. Geralt is here. Geralt was worried for him. Geralt slept at his bed rather than in one of his own, holding his hand.

“Hey,” Geralt’s already rough voice is moreso from the sleep as Eskel brings his hand away from the white hair that slides through his fingers like water made semi-solid. “You actually awake this time?”

“Probably,” Eskel chuckles, resting back against the pillow to stare up at the ceiling. “Been a tough season so far.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He wants to explain, but also he doesn’t. He doesn’t want Geralt to worry about him more. He didn’t really want Geralt to worry about him injured, either, but that wasn’t his fault.

(Their trainers might have disagreed, might have said of course it was Eskel’s fault he had been injured on the Path, but they weren’t there now, were they?)

“What got you?” Fingers trace the line of the wound, healed already, the stitches already out, having been removed while Eskel slept. Eskel shivers.

“Griffin. Villagers weren’t exaggerating the size, after all.” Eskel pulls himself up to sitting, his muscles protesting after so long relaxed in sleep. “Got here in the end, though.”

Geralt snorts, “Barely.”

“Eh, I knew either you’d come find me or it was my time to go,” Eskel half-jokes. A mirror of their earlier conversation. A conversation they’d had about various wounds and injuries accrued over their extra long lifespans. Geralt’s face is impassive, neutral and shows nothing. Which means he’s very upset by this comment.

“Come back to Toussaint with me,” Geralt says, and his voice is soft enough that if Eskel wanted to he could pretend he didn’t hear it.

Eskel isn’t sure what he wants.

“Why?”

Geralt’s jaw works as his mouth stays shut. There are words, Eskel knows, caught behind teeth and tongue and throat that will not come out because Geralt’s mind won’t let them. Ever since Blaviken, he’d been like this. Their hands are still tangled together and Eskel squeezes Geralt’s fingers to his palm gently.

“Why do you want me to come to Toussaint with you in the middle of the season, Geralt?” He asks again. Sometimes saying it again, saying *more* helps. Sometimes it makes it worse. He desperately hopes this makes it better.

“I don’t want…” Geralt starts. Stops. Squeezes Eskel’s fingers back. Then he pulls away. “You’re probably hungry. I’ll get food.”

Eskel drops it. Geralt will come to him in his own time. Eskel will decide what he wants to do in the meantime. A few days rest as planned here in Novigrad will be enough for now.

Geralt comes back with food for them both, and Eskel’s body remembers that it is starving. They don’t speak much during the meal, and when it’s over they talk about everything other than Geralt’s invitation.

Geralt doesn’t bring it back up that day, or the day after. Or the day after that.

They spend a week together in Novigrad. Eskel raids the bookstore—it was very impressive, filled with tomes on tomes of books with knowledge and poetry and stories and everything and anything. Geralt came with him, though he only picked at the plays and atlases, but he purchased several books that Eskel looked at longingly, tucking them in his bags to travel, saying they will be waiting in the library for Eskel when he comes back.

Eskel decided that meant they were not going to talk about the invitation to Toussaint again unless he brings it back up.

The thing is, Eskel doesn’t want to leave Novigrad. He doesn’t want to leave Geralt. He doesn’t want to go back on the Path where he will be lonely and cold, where there is little food and fewer friendly faces. Back to monsters and fighting and nursing himself back to health, to glares and fearful children, to long stretches of time with no contact with anyone other than the horse and his reflection in the water.

He doesn’t want to risk not being able to get back to Geralt.

That night, he begins the conversation.

“We’ve been here a week,” Eskel observed, taking a bite of a soft, buttery roll. He was not sure what kind of money Geralt was paying the innkeep here but they have eaten well since Eskel arrived.

Geralt freezes momentarily. Had Eskel not been watching, he would have missed it.

“Yep.”

“Been trying to think about where to go next. Not many monsters up north anymore,” Eskel keeps his commentary light, his tone gentle and observational only. Nothing to indicate that he’s leading the conversation anywhere.

“Eskel.”

“Geralt.”

Ah, he has been found out. Figures it wouldn’t work on the man who has known him the longest of anyone alive in the world right now.

“I- I can’t-…” Geralt pushes back from the table a little, tension clear in his body and shoulders, “I won’t-”

“I was thinking I could head south. Maybe travel with you. Head to Toussaint. I know they were having vampire problems decades back. You think there are still any hiding out? I bet there’s an infestation in your library. I should really check that out, you know. Since you’re all out of practice and all.”

Geralt glares at him but there is a relief etched in his bones that Eskel can feel as he grins unrepentantly, feeling his stiff scar tissue crinkle the skin on his cheek as he does.

“You’re an ass.”

“Hmm, but you’re friends with an ass so I think that says more about you than me.” Eskel teases and Geralt rolls his eyes.

“Ass-kel.”

“Come now, Geralt. We’ve surely grown past the insults you thought up when we were twelve.”

“Not if you still act like you did back then.” Geralt points out and Eskel laughs. The tension breaks, and the two of them end up nearly giggling over their dinner.

It is good to hear Geralt laugh again. Eskel wonders when the last time he heard it was and realizes it’s been much longer than a season on the Path.

Travelling with Geralt is easy. It is also the hardest thing Eskel has ever done.

They camp on the road. It’s economical, and reminds them both of earlier times, times before the world changed and left them behind. It also leaves them with little to no privacy between them and Eskel has never wanted a wank more in his life than when he has to wake up and watch Geralt still asleep in his bedroll, or bathing in the stream. But trying to get off with another Witcher around is even more difficult than it had been to try and get off in a keep full of them—especially when he doesn’t want Geralt to know.

Because Eskel is sure Geralt would figure out exactly what was causing Eskel’s need as soon as he was caught.

Geralt’s back is nearly unmarred by scars, leaving his mark clear as the day Eskel first saw it. The mark Eskel has seen in his mind's eye for decades. Nearly a hundred years of thinking of that shape, the line of it. The pink is the same shade as it was before but seems so much darker, starker with the contrast to Geralt’s death-pale skin. The shock of color interrupted by fine scars from smaller wounds, and from the bright white hair trailing between Geralt’s shoulder blades. Eskel wants to run his hands over it, claim it, mark it up with bites and scratches and make it his because that mark ties Geralt’s soul to another and Eskel wants what he cannot have.

He turns away, usually, and does not watch as Geralt bathes. Does not imagine what he is doing, does not follow the sounds of the water moving as it is sloughed over skin, hands chafing at dirt to scrub it off, dripping, dribbling sounds as it is squeezed from the long locks of hair.

The trip to Toussaint from Novigrad is the longest it has ever been and Eskel is glad when they arrive at Corvo Bianco, greeted by the man Geralt has hired to run things in his stead. The rooms Eskel normally uses are clean and available for him and he realizes he has actually agreed to do this. He will be staying in Toussaint. He won’t be finishing the season on the Path. He will be with Geralt.

He doesn’t know if he’s made the right decision.

Geralt is far more relaxed in Toussaint than he ever was anywhere else. He allows himself to be open with his affections—something he lost when he went off on the Path, and gained back in fits and spurts after rearing Ciri. Hugs to his brothers for no reason, gentle touches to shoulders and arms and hands, leaning on them when sitting together, especially when drinking.

Lambert always scoffs and complains, shoving the man off and griping about how he’s become sentimental in his dotage. Geralt always grins and laughs, making a joke of it, teasing the youngest of their remaining family and ramping up the gestures to absurdity for his benefit.

With Eskel it is quieter, softer. Eskel always returns the touch, reveling in the chance to hold the man he cannot have. Arms around Geralt for the hug, squeezing him tight. A returned pat to the shoulder or back (where his mark is, don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t–), a squeeze of fingers when their hands touch. His arm wrapping around Geralt’s shoulders when it’s late at night and they’re leaning on one another, deep into their cups and watching the stars and the lights of the town below the vineyards as the night drifts on around them.

If he adds a few touches of his own here and there, well, it’s just to show Geralt that it’s okay to share these moments. And a kiss to the top of the head during those late nights is entirely innocent enough.

(Wishing it was more, wanting desperately for more, more, more, is just something Eskel has gotten used to after all this time. Wanting and wishing is one thing, acting on those is another and he won’t do that to Geralt, he won’t.)

So it is that they find themselves late into the night, out on Geralt’s balcony, several bottles of wine in, and Geralt resting his head on Eskel’s shoulder, Eskel’s arm not around his shoulders but further down his back, settling on his ribs. His fingers are absently tracing patterns through the fabric of Geralt’s shirt—if he’s tracing the line of the mark on Geralt’s skin, well…It’s on his back, Geralt probably doesn’t put that together.

Geralt sighs softly, a happy, content sort of sound, and turns his head into Eskel’s shoulder, headbutting it gently with his forehead.

“You good?” Eskel asks, his voice barely above a whisper. For some reason talking louder feels like it might break some sort of spell between them. Something that would cause them to have to part.

“Yeah,” Geralt hums, a smile visible from what little of his face Eskel can spy looking down at him, “Yeah, I’m… I’m good.”

“Good,” Eskel pulls him in closer, abandoning his tracing of Geralt’s soulmark through his clothes to lay his hand steadily on Geralt’s side.

“You?”

“Yeah. Me.” Eskel teases laughing a little, “I’m good.”

“Good.”

And it is. Good, that is. They’re happy. It’s warm, the last of summer fading into autumn, a breeze blowing and rustling the leaves of the vines in the vineyard below. They can hear music from the town—probably none of the human inhabitants of the land Geralt owns can, but the two Witchers are able to. It’s faint, what with the distance, but it’s audible and sets a nice background tone for their evening. There are bugs making chirping noises and night birds calling in the trees and it’s peaceful and everything Eskel never knew he wanted alongside everything he always wanted.

“Esk?”

“Hm?” He glances down again at Geralt, having been staring out at the lamplight across the valley in a daze, feeling Geralt’s body heat against his own and his thumb absently stroking against the ribbones he can no longer feel so starkly under Geralt’s skin.

Geralt’s face is… much closer than Eskel thought it had been the last time he’d looked down at him and now it’s moving even closer and–

“Ger?” He whispers when Geralt stops, a hairsbreadth from their lips touching.

“I–” Geralt stops again, pulling back a little.

“I didn’t say stop,” Eskel breathes, leaning in and connecting them together in a way they haven’t before.

Geralt is on him like a starving man on a feast, hands gripping at Eskel’s shirt, pulling him in closer, closer, closer. And Eskel goes willingly, opening his mouth to Geralt’s assault, letting him do the leading, finding out where Geralt wants this to go because wherever it is, however far, Eskel will follow.

His hands bracket Geralt’s sides, palms resting above hip bones and thumbs pressing gently into the softer flesh under his ribs. Eskel slides them up and down slowly, just a fraction of an inch in either direction, and Geralt makes a noise that Eskel has never heard him make before and suddenly Eskel is the starving man and Geralt is the feast.

They break for air when even their lung capacity is at its limit. Gasping and panting, Geralt leans into Eskel’s neck, biting kisses into the flesh there, bared because this is home, he is safe and needs no armor, no barrier between his vulnerable parts and Geralt because he can trust this man like he trusts no other on this earth.

“Fuck, Geralt. Geralt, I–” Eskel groans, tilting his head to the side to give Geralt more room, “How long?”

“Forever,” Geralt breathes and Eskel’s hands grip his hips, yanking him closer, closer still, burying his face into Geralt’s neck for his own marks to be made on the pale, pale skin.

“I’m sorry,” Eskel’s teeth bite at Geralt’s jaw, “I wish I’d known.”

“Please,” Geralt asks, “Please come to bed with me. I– I can’t. I can’t wait for you anymore.”

Eskel answers by grabbing underneath Geralt’s ass and hauling him up. Geralt inhales sharply—whether in surprise or arousal is hard to tell—his legs wrapping around Eskel’s waist as his arms drape over his shoulders. And then there’s more kissing, which honestly Eskel doesn’t know how he’s gone so long without because it’s perfect.

Geralt doesn’t have a mark on his face, and doesn’t have scars on his arm, but Eskel thinks that this has to be better than kissing your soulmate.

He carries Geralt through the door between the balcony and Geralt’s bedroom, carefully making his way over dirtied clothes and stray shoes and half-read books to reach the bed. His knees bump the edge of the mattress and he grins wickedly into the kisses Geralt is plundering his mouth with before releasing his hold on Geralt suddenly.

Geralt clearly did not realize just how much of his weight Eskel was holding, falling to the mattress with a shocked yelp of surprise before Eskel was on him again, leaning over him, pressing him back into the bed.

“Still good?” Eskel asks between kisses to Geralt’s shoulders and neck.

“Yeah. Yeah,” Geralt is nodding and his breathy words are half-whined, “Still good, fuck Eskel. Eskel I’m– I’ve–”

“I know. I know, I’m sorry.” The kisses he is giving to Geralt get gentler, softer, sweeter, “I’m sorry, me too.”

“You’re an idiot,” Geralt breathes, fondly, “The fuck did I do falling in love with a dumbass like you?”

Eskel’s heart is fit to burst at this and he looms over Geralt suddenly, “Say it again.”

Geralt is blinking with wide, dark pupils encompassing almost the whole of his golden irises, his hair is fanned out around his head like a snowy halo and Eskel wants more than he has wanted ever before and he didn’t even know that was possible but here he is. Geralt is with him, wants him, and he can have him and it’s so much more and so much better than he thought it would be.

Why the fuck did they wait so long?

“Fuck, Eskel. Eskel I love you,” Geralt’s hands rest on Eskel’s arms, but they’re sliding up to cup Eskel’s face, thumb tracing the scar from lip to cheek and back again, “I have always loved you, you stupid idiot. How the fuck have you not known?”

“When the fuck was I supposed to know?” Eskel asks, frowning, “You never said!”

“I thought you did! I thought you were waiting for your soulmate or whatever but maybe you’d settle for me eventually.” Geralt scoffs, “Seriously? You had no idea? I’ve been so obvious that Yen said something about it ages ago.”

Eskel wants to comment on the fact that Geralt thought Eskel was waiting for his soulmate when the whole time Eskel thought Geralt was waiting for his soulmate. He wants to say something about how low Geralt’s self esteem is that he thinks Eskel would have to settle for him, like Geralt isn’t the only thing in the world Eskel can’t put a price on if he absolutely had to. He wants to make mention of the fact that Geralt thought he was being obvious about it, that Yen somehow figured it out.

Instead he just grins down at Geralt.

“I love you too, you son of a bitch.”

It’s good, what they have. It’s pretty much the same as it was, but Geralt is even more physically affectionate and now Eskel can kiss him and hold him and Geralt kisses and holds him back. Geralt is very good at kissing and Eskel tries to be as appreciative of it as possible every time he is gifted with the opportunity.

They have not gone farther than rutting against one another through their clothes and Eskel can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not.

On the one hand, he very much wants to fuck Geralt. It’s something he’s been thinking of doing for nearly a hundred years, and now that he gets to be so close to it, it’s almost painful that he can’t. On the other hand, seeing Geralt’s soulmark while they’re intending on doing something intimate together, despite how many times Eskel has fantasized about marking it up, making it his, making Geralt his, he’s not sure he would actually be able to follow through with anything if he saw it in the moment.

Geralt, too, seems to be reluctant and that’s probably the main reason Eskel hasn’t made any motions to go further with it. They share a bed at night for sleeping, they wake tangled in one another, they eat together, they drink together, they hold and touch and kiss and say “I love you” to one another like it’ll be the last time they ever get to say it, like it’s the first time they’ve ever said it before, and it’s good. It’s so good. It’s more than Eskel ever thought he’d get, and it’s enough.

Eskel has taken to helping out in the fields for something to do during the day. It’s harvest season and they need all the hands they can get out there, so he joins in and assists. It’s warm in Toussaint, in the early autumn, and he is sweating and dirty when he comes in for the afternoon.

Geralt is sitting outside, drinking and reading his legs crossed as he reclines a little in the chair he’s sat in, reaching blindly for the glass of wine on the table beside him to avoid looking up from his book. Eskel smiles but does not interrupt, instead shucking his shirt off with a roll of his shoulders and taking the bucket of water beside the patio and upending it over his head.

The sluice of water is chilly enough despite the bucket’s position in the sun, and while bracing, it is also refreshing and feels good on his sweaty and overheated skin. He shakes his head out like a dog—or a wolf, he thinks to himself with a smile—his medallion clinking gently on his chest as he stretches out. Not quite as rigorous as a training session with Vesemir, but close enough. He might even be sore later if he’s lucky.

There’s a startled gasp from behind him and the clattering of a glass on wood, followed by a curse. Eskel turns around to see that Geralt has knocked his wine over and is desperately trying to clean it up while also not setting his book down in it. His movements are flustered and Eskel wonders what startled him so.

“Good book?” He asks, a laugh at the edge of his voice, amused by Geralt’s movements.

“What? Oh, uh. Yes. Yes very… very… um,” Geralt struggles to come up with a word. “When did you get that big scar on your back?”

“What?” Eskel blinks at the non sequitur.

“The big scar on your back. That’s– it’s– it looks old but I don’t think I’ve seen it before?” Geralt is affecting a tone that says he’s trying very hard to appear nonchalant, which means he’s failing miserably at it. Eskel crinkles his brow with a confused smile.

“I have lots of scars on my back, Geralt. You will have to be more specific.”

“It’s…” Geralt stands, still acting flustered, and turns Eskel around, laying a hand on the top of Eskel’s shoulder and dragging it down in a rough diagonal before tracing the edge of it—it spans the whole of Eskel’s back, and he thinks he remembers which one it was.

“Uh… Leshen, I think. About… twenty years on the Path? It’s been a while, Geralt, why?”

Geralt spins him around and takes his arm, pulling it forward and stretching his elbow flat. The network of dots on his elbow are visible to the sun for the first time in, gods, half a century at least—he’s tried to keep them covered as much as he can because looking at them was too much. A pale finger traces over them, slightly cool as usual. Eskel wants to take those fingers and chafe them between his palms to warm them up but he knows that would only work a little. Plus he kind of likes that Geralt’s hands are cool to the touch.

“Yeah, uh… that’s where they put the needles for the-”

“The Trials. Yeah. I remember.” Geralt whispers, his finger tracing a connecting line between the star-shaped marks, “Had it done twice.”

“Don’t remind me,” Eskel scowls, remembering the fierce terror at waking up and not knowing where Geralt was, learning that he was having more torture forced on him, then the recovery period where he had sat sentinel at Geralt’s bedside.

“Worst thing I ever lived through,” Geralt murmurs, glancing up at Eskel through white lashes and oh.

Oh.

“Oh.”

Eskel feels numb. And dumb. And like he’s been struck by lightning. Or a griffin. Or a Leshen.

Oh.

“So… we’re idiots, right?” Eskel asks after a moment.

Geralt laughs leaning forward to drop his head onto Eskel’s shoulder. Eskel’s arms come up automatically to hold him, threading fingers through his hair, loose and long and gorgeous. He finger-combs the locks as Geralt shakes, not answering him. Eskel doesn’t worry, it happens sometimes, that Geralt won’t have words.

He does worry a little when he catches the scent of tears, “Geralt?”

“Yeah,” He finally says, “Yeah, we’re idiots.”

“But you’re my idiot,” Eskel says and it’s the strangest, greatest feeling in the world that it’s unequivocally true.

“And you’re mine,” Geralt leans back, tilting his head to the side, and taking Eskel’s mouth with a fierce—but somehow sweeter than even their chastest—kiss.

They knock their foreheads together lightly, eyes closed for just a moment as Geralt’s hands reach up and cup Eskel’s neck and face.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

#the witcher #eskel big bang #ebb2021 #eskel/geralt #my fic #my writing #the captain writes #soulmate identifying marks #mutual pining #idiots in love #soulmates #making out #fade to black #happy ending

[soukoku-rivals]

Author's Note

There are so many things I would love to tell you! But, I decided to keep it short and simple. After all, Rivals is a comic, you're not here to read blocks of text.

I will address what are, in my opinion, most important issues.

1. Why is Fyodor actually alive after chapter 9?

Well, we had an 'in comic' explanation - Chuuya wants to believe Fyodor has some feelings for him after Fyodor intentionally missed all of his vital organs when stabbing him. Dazai tries to be a better person so he cannot simply kill someone who is already tied and defenseless, no matter how much he hates him.

Real life explanation - it was the best choice for the continuity. Rivals is very much an AU when it comes to Chuuya's past and quite possibly Dazai's past [I honestly know nothing about Dazai's past before 15. There might be something mentioned in Stormbringer but I avoid spoilers until we get official English translation]. However, it still takes place after season 2 of the anime and the Dead Apple movie. Which means season 3 comes after.

Basically, if you ignore the 15 episodes, you can imagine season 3 continues after Rivals and Dazai and Chuuya are somewhat dating at that point, which is also why Ranpo found it so easy to outsmart Chuuya. And then, all the events in the anime/canon slowly lead to them finding the Book and the Epilogue.

I know, you have to stretch your imagination a little to make that work, but honestly, it's fun to imagine Soukoku dating while all that stuff is going on.

Obviously, none of that could happen if Fyodor dies, so here you go!

2. Does Chuuya actually have feelings for Fyodor?

Short answer - yes. And it's not only because the author ships Fyoya. [I ship almost all Chuuya/X pairings, most notably Chuuya/Sigma, deal with it.]

As explained in the comic, Fyodor was there when Chuuya had nobody and nothing after he lost his memories. He told Chuuya they were partners and lovers, and Chuuya was his most loyal man. Obviously, that would influence Chuuya's opinion.

We, as readers, outside observers, didn't realle get to see much of their interactions [I couldn't make the chapters that long] but we did see that Fyodor is a manipulative bastard. But it wouldn't fully work if he wasn't gentle at times. As manipulative as Fyodor was, he has also shown compassion and care towards Chuuya in his state. That purposefully missed stabbing at the end only confirmed to Chuuya that Fyodor doesn't actually want him dead. Maybe he wants to hurt him to push him away, like Dazai did all those years ago? To protect him. To make sure the Mafia and Dazai know they aren't working together.

How can Chuuya not appreciate that? After all there was only one person before who hurt him not to actually hurt him but for his protection.

So yeah, Chuuya believes Fyodor has some feelings for him, he believes there might be a good person hiding in the rat, just like there was a good person hiding in Dazai. Dazai and Fyodor were too similar at one point for Chuuya not to develop any feelings for him.

I'm not saying it's healthy or logical. I'm saying this is how it happened.

3. Does Fyodor have feelings for Chuuya?

Short answer - also, surprisingly, yes! I mean, how can you not love Chuuya?

I couldn't really show it clearly in the comic. We already had so many characters and Fyodor/Fyoya weren't the focal point so I couldn't dive to deep. However, here is what I can say now.

At the start, obviously, Fyodor saw Chuuya only as a tool. Chuuya was a powerful weapon, with a powerful ability and most importantly, he served as a great distraction for Dazai.

Fyodor, however, made a mistake when he convinced Chuuya they were lovers. Because that meant he had to spend more time with him than originally planned. And as much as Fyodor hates abilities and believes they are a sin, he could not not notice all Chuuya's good qualities. Even rushing that mission to destroy some building, when he knew it was possible Chuuya wouldn't survive, was mostly because Fyodor wanted to push him away. And to push his feelings away. He knew he was growing fond of Chuuya and if he didn't stop that soon, he might grow some conscience.

Unfortunately for him, it was too late. And thus, we go back again to the train station stabbing. For all intents and purposes, the most beneficial thing for Fyodor to do was to kill Chuuya right there and there. With Chuuya dead he would have been able to leave with Atsushi, find the Book and leave Dazai broken after his love's death and Mafia without its most powerful weapon.

Fyodor just couldn't bring himself to do that.

4. Extra - unused sequel idea.

This has nothing to do with any unexplained plot points but, yeah, there was a sequel idea. A few actually. But let's go with the one that has most sense.

At the train station, after Soukoku leave, only Atsushi stays there to keep an eye on Fyodor while Loki searcher through his memories for the Book.

Unbeknownst to Atsushi, while Locke goes through Fyodor's memories, he finds something very interesting. A memory of Fyodor who looks like he's talking to his mirror reflection but his words are directed at Loki. And with a smile on his face, Fyodor informs Loki that the Book can change reality, he can destroy people and give them life. There is already a person created by the Book. From nothing! So, it is not entirely unbelievable to assume that it could bring somebody to life. Like, let's say, a certain red headed girl.

If Loki helps Fyodor escape, he will be able to bring Hela back to life.

Locke loves his daughter very much, so obviously, he agrees. And instead of lead to season 3 when Fyodor escapes, he get an Agency/Mafia vs Fyodor/Locke story.

This is not happening but it was a nice idea.

And this time, this is really it! There is nothing more left for me to say, Rivals is done!

Thank you so much for reading it, some of you were here for years, some joined only a few month ago, some will find this story in the future, but I thank you all the same! I would have never gotten this far without you. You are all very precious to me. I hope to see you soon, when @kkfil-soukoku starts updating.

And now, for a couple of unrelated announcements:

Merch design is going great. I have all die cut stickers and the second charm already finished, and most of them is already published on Kofi for supporters. Also, the Rivals sticker page is all drafted. Support me on Kofi to view them all and to get an extra sticker with your order: https://ko-fi.com/hayatepl

After Kiss Kiss Fall in <Love3 comic is done, I will be working on an original idea, to be published on Webtoons/Tapas. It's going to be a supernatural adventure story featuring a witch, a warrior and a dragon, set in modern times. For more info when that happens, follow me on @hayateart and @sylvankaart

I also started using twitter again: https://twitter.com/SylvankaArt

And instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sylvankaart/ [Yes, it's all SylvankaArt, I thought it would make it easier to remember. As for tumblr HayateArt blog will remain my fanblog for fanart but all original posts will be published on SylvankaArt.]

#bsd #rivals #soukoku #update #chuuya #dazai

[sssrha]

WangXian wouldn’t have been very functional pre-Wei Wuxian’s resurrection

So I was talking to @litescheme on Twitter and I decided to pour my heart out about how I hated the general fandom consensus that Wei Wuxian going to Gusu when Lan Wangji asked him to would have solved all of his problems, primarily because the idea of just straight up going to Gusu is incredibly flawed. Lo and behold, they agreed wholeheartedly. We had a great discussion and now I’m here to relay the discussion onto Tumblr in essay form uwu.

(By the way, this is based mostly on CQL with a good bit of novel added in, as well as a few hints of the donghua.)

Part One: “Come back to Gusu!” is a great romantic notion but a terrible plan of action.

First of all, one must ask the question: what on Earth was Lan Wangji’s game plan with the whole “Come back to Gusu!” thing? I think we can all agree that most of the Lan Sect hated Wei Wuxian - by the end, at least. Lan Xichen certainly had less than charitable feelings toward him. With such a hostile environment, the only way I can see Wei Wuxian surviving within the Sect is while being forced into a Madam Lan-type situation. I find that prospect more reminiscent of a horror movie than a heartwarming fic about healing.

Luckily for us, we can safely say that canon Lan Wangji would not have done that! Due to certain childhood trauma, Lan Wangji definitely would not have forced Wei Wuxian to do anything, go anywhere, or stay anywhere that he didn’t want to. That isn’t even touching on how much Lan Wangji genuinely wanted Wei Wuxian to be happy, and forcing Wei Wuxian to do anything had generally been proven to not make him happy. Good on him!

The next point: why would Wei Wuxian have gone to Gusu in the first place? Even while ignoring WangXian’s rampant misunderstandings, Wei Wuxian always actively had a reason to not go to Gusu. During the Sunshot Campaign, he was a major player and commanded a huge amount of power that probably aided the Sects greatly. During his stay in the Burial Mounds, he had a community of war prisoners to protect. How could he go to Gusu?

I’ve seen fics where Lan Wangji ensured the safety of the Wen Remnants, and while I absolutely adore the trope, I really don’t see that happening with canon Lan Wangji. First, I don’t think he’d grown as a person enough to fully rebel against his Sect until Wei Wuxian was in immediate danger, and second, I straight up don’t think that he had the sway to. Pulling that kind of stunt implies a good deal of political power within the Sect...and also implies that Lan Wangji would have had enough power to escape a punishment which he clearly never thought he deserved. However, I could be wrong on this point! Politics has never been my forte. 

Also, I don’t think anyone can bank on the Lan Sect accepting the Wen Remnants. After all, the Lan Sect participated in the First Siege of the Burial Mounds and thus, presumably, also the slaughter of the Wen Remnants.

Upon further reflection, I figured that the only time Wei Wuxian might have actually gone to Gusu was that brief period of time after the Sunshot Campaign and before he met Wen Qing. However, for him to agree, I figured that three things had to happen:

Wei Wuxian had to understand that Lan Wangji wanted to help him, not hurt him.

Wei Wuxian had to come to the (false!) conclusion that Jiang Cheng no longer needed his help or support at Lotus Pier.

Wei Wuxian had to accept that he was worth saving in the first place.

(The concept came pre-set with some delicious Yunmeng Bros angst because Jiang Cheng would almost certainly take Wei Wuxian (permanently) going to Gusu the same way he took Wei Wuxian taking the Wen Remnants to the Burial Mounds: a betrayal, a promise broken. Emotionally, of course. There definitely wouldn’t have been political pressure closing in from all sides the way there was in canon.)

I was going to expand on that concept, but then I hit a bit of a hurdle: I genuinely did not, and still do not, see any reason for Wei Wuxian to actually go to Gusu. At that point, Wei Wuxian was doing everything he felt he needed to: he protected Jiang Cheng because Madam Yu told him to (and because he genuinely cared for him, but Madam Yu’s command was his driving force) and he only left Jiang Cheng when Wen Qing - someone he perceived himself owing a greater debt to due to the golden core removal - came along. When looking at it from that regard, I don’t think Wei Wuxian would ever see a reason to go to Gusu.

So, even after clearing up the miscommunication, Lan Wangji would have to present a good reason for Wei Wuxian to listen to him. 

I don’t think Lan Wangji going up to Wei Wuxian and saying, “Please come back to Gusu, I want to protect you,” would have worked. Considering how prideful Wei Wuxian was back then - with a good bit of it justified when you consider the fact that he killed a large amount of people in a single night during the Pledge Conference (though the exact number is never actually confirmed as far as I remember) - I don’t see Wei Wuxian taking the implication that he needs protection very well. No matter how many good intentions Lan Wangji had, he would have ended up offending Wei Wuxian at that point.

Another route Lan Wangji could have taken: “Please come back to Gusu, I want to play Cleansing for you.” Again, I don’t think this would have worked. (At least, that was definitely his stance in CQL and Wei Wuxian still didn’t do anything.) In Chapter 78, Wei Wuxian mentioned that the Sound of Lucidity had no effect on him. The Sound of Lucidity is, presumably, one of the Song(s) of Clarity, of which Cleansing is the most powerful. Lan Wangji used the Sound of Lucidity at the Pledge Conference after the battle had started. I don’t exactly know why he didn’t use Cleansing when it was more powerful... Either way, after he played the Sound of Lucidity, Wei Wuxian said, “You should’ve known since long ago—Sound of Lucidity is useless to me!” Thus, Lan Wangji asking him to go to Gusu so he could play Cleansing probably wouldn’t have seemed like an especially compelling reason to Wei Wuxian.

After some thought, I figured that post-resurrection, Wei Wuxian agreed to stay with Lan Wangji in the Cloud Recesses after the mystery was solved because:

He was not as prideful as pre-death Wei Wuxian.

He saw no reason to go back to Lotus Pier since Jiang Cheng made it very clear that he was unhappy with him.

He managed to process and confess his feeling to Lan Wangji, who did the same.

Pre-death Wei Wuxian has none of this. Basically, Wei Wuxian at that point had no reason to go to Gusu for anything other than a short visit.

Now, I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but this entire time I’ve been ignoring not only the reality that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s relationship pre-death was...very bad, but also something else very important: the Stygian Tiger Seal. 

The Stygian Tiger Seal was, of course, stupidly powerful, and Wei Wuxian only kept it because it would take too much time and energy to destroy, and it was meant to deter anyone from attacking him since he already knew that so many people were against him. One of his main fears was someone else - someone with impure motives - getting their hands on it, so of course he was paranoid wondering who would try to steal it from him. Lan Wangji asking him to go to a place where Wei Wuxian would be surrounded by people who hated his form of cultivation? Yeah, that didn’t sound that great. 

(Also, can we please take a moment to appreciate this excerpt from the novel: “The Stygian Tiger Seal’s powers were considerably greater than what he had imagined. He originally wanted to use it to assist him, but its powers were almost exceeding him, its creator” (Chapter 30). Almost. He said the Seal was not as powerful as him! The Stygian Tiger Seal was, indeed, strong, but he was more so! I see a lot of fanfics paint the Stygian Tiger Seal as what made him so terrifying and...it was certainly a part of it, but he did most of it on his own! Ah, we love terrifying main characters~)

Now, I’ve acknowledged the existence of WangXian’s miscommunication, but I’ve never actually addressed it. So, here it is: I do not think Lan Wangji confessing to Wei Wuxian (even before his stint in the Burial Mounds after the Bloodbath at Nevernight) would have gone well. In Chapter 2, there is this excerpt: “Wei WuXian’s eyebrows twitched. Not only a lunatic, a homosexual lunatic as well.” This requires a bit of interpretation because it’s not exactly clear what Wei Wuxian’s eyebrow twitch means, but I’ve always interpreted it as annoyance - or even disgust - at the addition of “homosexual” to Mo Xuanyu’s profile. I’m not saying that Wei Wuxian was necessarily homophobic before the entire events of the novel, but I sincerely don’t think Wei Wuxian would have appreciated Lan Wangji - or any other man, for that matter - confessing to him. If even (immediate) post-resurrection Wei Wuxian had that attitude, I can imagine what would have gone through pre-death Wei Wuxian’s head. 

So, Sunshot Campaign, post-Sunshot Campaign, and Yiling Patriarch Wei Wuxian would all definitely not go back to Gusu, nor would they appreciate a confession from Lan Wangji. That leaves the question: what about pre-Sunshot Campaign Wei Wuxian?

Part Two: Why I really don’t think WangXian would have worked out pre-Sunshot Campaign.

From here on out, “Wei Ying, come back to Gusu!” is no longer relevant because, well, Lan Wangji never said it before the meeting in the supervisory office. (And I think I’ve made my point regarding that as well as I could.)

Starting with Cloud Recesses-era Wei Wuxian...I think that, out of all the different versions of Wei Wuxian, he would have been the one of the two most-likely to get together with Lan Wangji (pre-resurrection, of course). Even then, I don’t see that high a likelihood of that actually happening. Why? Repression! Fuck both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were so deeply repressed at that point! Lan Wangji was obviously more aware of his feelings, and Wei Wuxian...I don’t know, I haven’t read the novel far enough to actually have this be a legitimate interpretation, but looking at CQL, I don’t really think Wei Wuxian was in love with Lan Wangji at that point (but I don’t have much evidence to back that up other than my a-spec radar...).

And even if they did somehow manage to overcome their repression - and actually both had feelings for each other in the first place - they were still teenagers! Fifteen at the beginning, I’m pretty sure, and fifteen-year-olds are decidedly bad at maintaining any sort of relationship. That doesn’t even touch on the fact that WangXian was probably legitimately incompatible at that point. Lan Wangji still lived and breathed the rules and Wei Wuxian didn’t give a fuck about them. To maintain any sort of long-term relationship, they’d have to simultaneously undergo a whole novel of character development...which is doable! But! I don’t exactly see it as plausible.

Then, of course, Wei Wuxian got kicked out of the Cloud Recesses and WangXian didn’t see each other until two years later, at the Discussion Conference in Qishan. I don’t really see long-distance relationships working out very well in ancient China, so I can’t imagine them properly maintaining their relationship throughout that. And, of course, Lan Wangji’s rage after Wei Wuxian pulls his forehead ribbon was also due to his repression. Considering how short the Discussion Conference seemed to be, I don’t think there was much room for a relationship to develop. 

At the Indoctrination Camp, Lan Wangji had a whole swarm of things to worry about other than his (frankly painful) pining for Wei Wuxian so, again, I don’t see a romantic relationship developing at that point in time. 

A time-frame that I think can be uniquely isolated as a very possible place to develop their relationship would be while they were trapped in the cave with the Tortoise of Slaughter. Mostly before they killed the beast, though, since afterward, Wei Wuxian had too much of a fever for any romantic shenaniganry. My reasoning is that the cave was the first time since Wei Wuxian’s punishment in the Cloud Recesses that the two of them were forced to spend a long stretch of time together, and thus could potentially open up to each other. I remember in the anime that Lan Wangji sheds a few tears as he mentions that the Cloud Recesses had burned, that his brother was missing, and that his father was...dead? Severely injured? One of those two. He was back in business-mode pretty soon afterward, but if Lan Wangji could have been persuaded to open up a bit more by an persistent and concerned Wei Wuxian, I can see a slow confession being teased out of him - there was certainly enough time!

Then again, them getting together would only happen if Wei Wuxian were both comfortable with the idea of gay men and willing to accept that he was, in fact, attracted to Lan Wangji, and if Lan Wangji were willing to let go of the rules enough to be comfortable with Wei Wuxian’s naturally rebellious nature.

After that, WangXian doesn’t meet again until the supervisory office, and I’ve already talked about all of that.

In conclusion, “Come back to Gusu!” was sweet but misguided and WangXian wouldn’t have effectively happened pre-resurrection.

Now, what does that mean for you? ...Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. This doesn’t mean I’m forsaking all fics where WangXian gets together pre-resurrection (in fact, I absolutely love them!) and I’m definitely not trying to say that my interpretation is the only right one. I’m not trying to police what everyone thinks and decree that all fics where Wei Wuxian is open about liking men are wrong or any crap like that. Those fics are great and I love them! These are my (and @litescheme’s) thoughts on the matter that I (we) wanted to spill out into the greater world! You can agree, you can disagree, you can ignore me (us) entirely! But if you read through this meta, then I’m assuming that you found the concept interesting. That is all I was going for!

(Well, that and trying to thoroughly debunk the notion that Yiling Patriarch Wei Wuxian getting shoved into seclusion in the Jingshi by an apologetic Lan Wangji would be in any way “healing” or even “good” for Wei Wuxian, because honestly? Fuck that.)

Ahh, thanks for reading!

#is this a hot take? #you bet ya #do i care? #not anymore #litescheme i hope this lived up to your expectations ;-; #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #mdzs #mdzs meta #wwx #lwj #wei ying #lan zhan #feel free to ignore if you disagree!!! #i'm not gonna force you to read it