#i probably forgot something but this is like. my specific niche

[yooniesim]

I'm not sure what simblr's general opinion on this is, but peeking back in after my long hiatus, I have a lot of thoughts...

In my opinion, Patreon killed all of the momentum that ts4 simblr had pre-2020. I think we all know a lot of the bigger issues- permanent paywalls, creators doxxing and bullying, cliqueing up and sharing info- but I mean even besides that. I mean specifically early access, two to three week delays for releasing cc, the version of paywalling that most people (including myself) accepted.

It's good that creators were able to get paid for their work, especially during the pandemic. But I think, unfortunately, it had other effects too. I remember back then, being disappointed at how much was eacc, and that was only like 25% of the cc coming out, and it (almost) always was popular creators with high quality work. But slowly but surely, nearly everyone moved to patreon (which I've noticed has caused a lot of cc to be forever lost once patreons were closed/deleted) and 99% of the time it was early access or even exclusive. Many people started blogs with early access cc from the get-go, without having a presence beforehand, and those blogs seemed to be some of the most focused on blocking anyone that shared their cc. The cc varied in quality- it could be simple mesh edits that were still mostly ea, or recolors, or even just patterns sourced from other sites. It didn't matter what it was, it was just content for money, anything to pad out the month and keep patrons. Creators would do early access and then link the cc through adfly or to TSR or simsdom/simsfinds, one by one, even if it was supposed to be a pack. It wasn't bad enough to call out, but it was purposeful.

CC on tumblr became a business in a way it hadn't before, even with other paysites in sims history. And while some people are happy to donate to creators they like now and again... most people either can't or won't. Many simmers are children, and many simmers are adults with strict budgets, especially during the pandemic. And truth be told... they probably got bored. Because it's all terribly boring. CC shopping isn't fun anymore. It's the briefest serotonin seeing something interesting on your dash and then instantly flying away when you see you'll have to wait almost a month for it. And if it wasn't a creator I really liked, I forgot about it instantly after that... sometimes even if I really liked them. Motivation dropped. People stopped being excited, and stopped playing.

Nowadays, it seems even worse. Because the amount and variety of cc and creators has dropped drastically. I'm shocked to see 2-3 cc posts per day, if that, most of them paywalled. It isn't just cc posts either- used to you couldn't look in the s4cc tag for cc, it would be so crowded with non-cc sims posts, but now it's depressingly easy... and empty. Lookbooks, edits, gameplay, cc, it all seems more sparing. And you don't see the same creativity, the same fun random little items, stuff that was interesting even if it wasn't necessarily perfect. Or wild ideas or cc that would appeal to certain small niches. Because that isn't profitable, is it? When you need to create a certain amount of items per month at a certain quality to keep patrons and therefore income, you have to strategize, for good or for bad. Some people are able to do that, and while good for their business model, it limits what they can create and how much energy they can spend on each item. Some people aren't able to do it, and burn out and leave. Either way, creativity suffers. Enjoyment suffers. Creators leave from the passion being sucked out of their hobby; non-creators leave from frustration and boredom. And you're left with a handful of creators still going by their cc business playbook, month by month. But how long can those few sustain themselves?

It's natural for communities to ebb and flow, or even completely die out, but ts4 simblr had been going strong for years before this overall, even if it was in waves. In the pandemic, it should've flourished the way other many other communities did, especially gaming focused ones. But, it didn't. Instead it slowed down, more people left than the amount coming in, the engagement died down, and it seems like as a whole custom content hasn't advanced at all. Maybe it would've happened anyway, but I honestly think patreon contributed a lot. Also, ts2 and ts3 communities weren't affected in the same way, afaik, which makes me think it was paywalls even more.

Can it be fixed? Maybe. If paywalls weren't as much of a thing anymore- and I don't mean completely gone, but just a fairer ratio- I think it could. But now that it's become a standard, I doubt that will happen. I think most people have moved to other places where they don't have to deal with it, like discord servers, and simblr will continue to lose momentum.

It's good for creators to have the option of getting some income for their work, but I guess I'm just saying... at what cost? Beyond the monetary? If you're not super popular, are you even making enough for the added stress to be worth it? If you are, is this going to be satisfying and maintainable long-term, without burn-out/effects on your mental health? Who will pay for it when the number of players keeps dropping? And will this continue on to the Sims 5 community in the future? I honestly hope not.

#text #ceci speaks #delete later #ts4 #sims 4 #the patreon issue #this may be unpopular #especially with other creators #and i could be wrong since i havent been around for a bit #but this is what it feels like to me #long post #im just disappointed #and a little nostalgic #no one asked ceci #sorry creators that are actually great #and need the income #its all just sad

[mickstart]

Thanks for answering to my ask! Your take on Michael Schumacher’s driving style and why it may have some similarities with Max Verstappen is so good!!!! I like both of them, but it does get me on my nerves watching them race.

I did meant Max Verstappen btw , and for a second I forgot about the elder Verstappen. Anyways fun to know why Mika Hakkinen said that!!!!

Can I ask something else? When you say that Schumacher drove insanely oversteer, is it more than Hamilton or Senna?

Thanks! Sorry for the rambling!

Omg no problem thanks so much! I think there's a general tendency for the great drivers to be better at managing oversteer in general, because when you have the skill to keep the car under control having more room for the car to move gives you more options for your entry and exit lines. Before Max I definitely saw it thrown about that Lewis was maybe the only driver who liked as much oversteer as Michael did, and then Senna close after the two of them.

Senna's thing wasn't so much necessarily oversteer or understeer (though he struggled in an understeering car and preferred a front leading car like Michael, he still wanted the car balanced and not with a mind of its own like say the newer red bulls) as it was the throttle fluttering technique that let him constantly test the grip limits. He definitely used similar techniques to Michael but honestly I think Senna's preference for oversteer has become a tiiiiny bit overstated because Prost prefers understeer and the Mythos of their rivalry exaggerated their differences + Senna obviously would have been strongly against anything that would help Prost especially if it helped his own style. He definitely preferred oversteer though so he's up there.

From the same source that noted max's driving style, Gábor Wéber said about Lewis "Regarding his technique, he likes to brake late, sometimes even locking up his inner front tires, but he can’t be pigeonholed according to his lines. He likes to vary the late, early or normal entry lines, sometimes even on the same lap, according to the behaviour of his car, he’s a bit like a one-man band. His adaptability is one of his strongest weapons, but this wouldn’t help him without his outstanding precision"

Which is to say Lewis likes an oversteering adaptive car, but he's not reliant on oversteering for his cornering so much as he is reliant on the car being able to adapt to a situation - which you naturally get more of with an oversteering car. When the car is more reactive you get a lot more minute reactions out of it to the conditions, which gives you more information to work with if you read the car as well as Lewis does. For him oversteer isn't so much the basis of his technique as it is the place where he gets the information that informs his technique. Lewis is known for talking about "feeling" the car. He has amazing precision that allows him to counteract oversteer, so he can have more oversteer on the car and therefore more options for his lines, but that can't help him if he can't get any information out of it.

For instance, about the 23 Merc, Lewis has actually complained that he sits too far forward in the car and it feels too front focused. He can't get a feel for how the car is reacting in time to adapt to it. Oversteer informs his driving, it isn't how he drives.

Anyway this is a long way of saying I think the difference between Max/Michael and Lewis/Senna is that the first pair NEED excessive oversteer for the techniques they're using to work - their cars wouldn't make the corners if they had it taken away from them - but Senna and Lewis use oversteer to boost the other techniques that are core to their style. I think Senna and Lewis could probably thrive in any car, but Max and Michael both use very specific very niche styles and need a car that will compliment that to do their best.

God now it's my turn to apologise for rambling. Disclaimer I'm not an expert a lot of this is actually me spitballing and going off of memories and observations over the years. Except for Gábor Wéber, his style analysis is fascinating.

[f0xgl0v3]

Powers in Camp Jupiter

Wow I’ve posted a lot today lol-

Finally! Another long, ‘Camp Jupiter general Hc’ post. I’ve just been thinking a lot on powers the more I’ve been dipping my toes into learning about Rome and its culture and how I want to incorporate that into New Rome and Camp (literally I mention it once so don’t get any hopes up for like in depth Ancient Rome stuff and it just affected my thought process for how the Romans might think similarly to powers as they did other things). Also this is another post going, ‘this is a weird thing in camp that is never explained but doesn’t make sense to me so this is how I’d go about explaining it’ post, enjoy :]

But first things first; I think Camp puts a heavy importance on physical skill, that powers are somewhat frowned upon. That Camp Jupiter would put a higher importance on someone’s capabilities without the powers, and that power usage is something that generally the Camp doesn’t like acknowledging- I’ll go more in depth on what I mean but first I wanna talk about how I got to this conclusion making sense in my mind,

This did make sense in my brain because it fills the little gap where we don’t see a lot of Camp Jupiter power embracing or whatever. We get Hazel being worried over her powers because of the like cursed aspect? Which is a whole other can of worms that I don’t like the plot point on- but whatever. Hazel’s thing feels weird that she wouldn’t explain it, now I am obviously not a Hazel analyzer- but I do have a pretty solid characterization of Camp in my head and I feel that is something that they would 100% want to and need to know. Along with the apparent lack of notable power usage in Camp Jupiter- we don’t see it in the same way that we see over at Half-Blood, now this could be because Camp has like 0 important characters. But I feel like during the war games there would be more people taking advantage of powers, where it’s specifically called out when Percy is doing it because it’s odd in the setting- it stands out (yes it probably was called out for Rick to be like “Look at how cool and powerful Percy is guys!” But whatever-) but that bleeds into the first gorgon chase scene, where it’s notable that again; it’s only Percy using his powers openly, it’s the legionnaires that are looking on in bewilderment, confusion.

Of course there are the 4 main outliers I think of about this power thing; Reyna, Jason, Octavian, and Bryce Lawrence. But I’ll talk about what I think their situations are.

Anyway, I believe this seeming power-aversion in camp Jupiter (was probably not planned and Rick just kind of forgot about Demigods and how probable it would be that they’d display them more often for the general quality of life improvements they’d give-) could be caused by a couple factors,

The abundance of Legacy’s at camp and at New Rome; we aren’t sure how legacies work (because they are all over the place and we never get set power levels on them) but it would make logical sense that powers became more niche or less potent through generations (this obviously has outliers, and its own holes but I’ll justify this take in another post probably just about legacies-) and this would lead to less and less importance on powers- because why would a community see them as important when the majority of them don’t have very potent ones, or very general ones and it’s more simple to just not use them than hone either a very weak skill or a very niche skill.

The importance of Strength in New Rome and Camp Jupiter’s community; based partially on Ancient Romes importance on Masculinity (which I will not be mentioning much because I am just a silly black cat on the internet and I don’t have the knowledge about Romes masculinity thing) and just what we see from the very concept of Camp Jupiter’s go through Lupa’s training and survive or die, Camp Jupiter’s no magic barrier of protection, the military camp. Conquer or Die. It all places a very big importance on one’s personal strength- their strategic mind, physical prowess, ability to work together as a unit in the army. That the powers could possibly be seen almost as a cheat- that why would you use your powers when you have your training, are you weak? Do you not trust in what you’ve been taught? The Societal idea were given for the Romans is strength- and why use your powers if you are physically capable enough. And everyone is physically capable enough to be a Roman, to Conquer or Die.

Okay on a probably lighter note (idk I was reading the upper passage and that sounded pretty intense-) but also the fact that powers just feel like they wouldn’t be a good thing in Camp’s military settings. Camp Jupiter puts its importance on their military and fighting prowess, their form, the discipline. It’s much harder to fight in coordination if everyone is doing anything that isn’t related to other skills. The fact that the Cohorts aren’t godly ancestor-specific adds to that. So it just doesn’t seem reasonable knowing Camps whole thing.

Okay those three all are my ideas on the surrounding factors that make powers less used and more taboo in Camp/New Rome. This could explain why camp doesn’t display their powers. While it gives more reason for the reactions to Percy other than everyone being suprised at how cool and powerful he is or something idk, it gives Hazel more reason to hide her precious riches power thing.

Now the Outliers, people in camp that comfortably and openly use and display their powers (not including Percy, maybe idk- we’ll see)

First Reyna; we know that Reyna openly used her Bellona strength, warrior spirit and bravery sharing powers that also take away pain? Idk how they explain it but we get that in BoO the knowledge that when leading the Romans into battle Reyna would use her powers. I think this can be explained away by 1st off it’s not that noticeable so might be likely that the legion doesn’t even know she did that, secondly it could be considered that they considered her ability a outlier to the notion- it directly helps them win so I guess they don’t mind, sure they’ll be upset about it but they won’t openly object to it.

Secondly Jason and his wild skill set; he’s Jupiter’s son, pretty much Lupa’s adopted kid and Camp’s prince. They’d let him do whatever, he’s Jupite’rs son! I think they’d be super hypocritical and think him and the powers make him stronger and cooler and whatever because he’s Jupiter’s son and canonically we know they put him on a pedestal and thought he pretty much could do no wrong when he was younger so I think it’s reasonable to assume legionnaires would go along with Jason pulling lightning bolts from thin air and just going, “That’s so cool Jason!!! Yeaaah you go man!” And then turning around and ostracizing someone that used like their water-bending because like- why not just use your actual skill, no need to be a show off, y’know Dave from the 3rd cohort could’ve done that just with his Pugio and a bendy straw.

Octavian; it’s his job. I think Augur’s generally get a pass because it’s their job to be all mysterious and otherworldly and do all the cool retelling prophecies and omens. And he needs the powers to do that so of course he gets a pass.

Bryce Lawerence; he’s a freak (nicely, I love him) but he gives 0 crap if people don’t like it. They can just go to the fields of punishment for all he cares. He literally murdered someone and lit a cat on fire. There is no way in Hades that this man cares about some power taboo. If he wants to do it he’ll do it and if anyone wants to say anything they can suck his spear handle.

Overall; Camp Jupiter are Hypocrites when it comes to powers (obviously, I feel like for many reasons they are hypocrites in many other fields-) and this gives better reason that Octavian and Micheal didn’t immediately drag Percy into the 1st cohort. Because like- you know they would’ve and I think that would’ve been more interesting than the 5th cohort underdog story (like, Hazel and Frank could’ve been the main pushers of that plot and I feel that would’ve been cooler-)

But if we want to stay with Percy being put in the 5th (which if anyone wants to know for my re-imagining he is totally put in the 1st because that gives us an opening to actually characterize notable characters a lot more-) this powers thing gives a reason. All the legion knows about this kid is that he’s got a mouth on him, attracts monsters like a neon billboard with a giant arrow on it, and relies on his powers constantly. And in Camp Jupiter where obedience and discipline are cherished, they don’t need to deal with any more monsters their hands are already full, and that everyone like collectively hates their powers from societal norms. It makes more sense that none of the more notable cohorts would want to tarnish their names or reputation by bringing him on board- so of course the 5th is forced to take him.

Okay that’s my rant on how the community of Romans don’t like their powers unless they can serve a purpose of aiding the army, your the child of Jupiter, or it’s your job.

I am sleepy and therefore I bid you all a good night.

#idk how to tag this #pjo hoo toa #camp jupiter #hoo #hoo headcanon #camp jupiter headcanons #hehe :3 #I do feel like the Romans are very hypocritical #okay bye

[zelenbug]

heres something incredible niche. with the help of raymap i spent a few hours making an entire height chart of almost all the characters and creatures (and a plum) in rayman 3, minus the absolute largest ones

heres the whole thing uncropped (12.8 mb, 26270x2383)

and here it is condensed into like the most important individual characters

(and that link too, 7010x2035)

below is some notes about it, a whole bunch of rambling and stuff, i put a lot of effort into this so check this out

-

this is taken with raymap by looking at each map in the orthographic front view, relocating every object i need to -1500 Y position with 0 for everything else (minus x position just so they could be side by side). the rotation and scale is all set to 1. almost all of the objects are the first frame of their idle animation

only exceptions for the rotation were CagouFlaps (hoodloon), francesco (red bird), piranha and Dirigible, all for convenience. one of the refluxes (the fight one with the glowy face) is also an exception to the animations thing, hes using the first frame of an animation different from his idle one so he stood more upright

the arrangements i took were like this. i had to take 43 screenshots like this (with the transparent screenshot option) and then align them using rayman as an anchor, as i included him in every screenshot

the fact that they were all at the same exact Y position is why the characters are sometimes slightly below or slightly above where the floor is supposed to be, thats just how the object is positioned in the game itself basically and i chose to leave that in. i ignored that for my height sorting though

i didnt use all screenshots, i just excluded everything that was larger than a mawpaw because the filesize in this chart was already large enough. im not bloating them with something that was likely going to end up well over 10k pixels tall and wide

i also excluded a bunch of inanimate objects like piggy banks and gems and cages and stuff, but i have screenshots with them

i also straight up forgot francesco so its not in the chart. but heres its size relative to rayman, probably would have been between the orange glowy fairy and either a grim or andre

this slightly tinier colorful hoodmonger is just from the final boss fight, which is a separate object family from the three other types of hoodmonger (which are all actually the same family)

the other fairy thingy (luisane) got kinda botched in the transparent screenshot so i just screenshotted it how it appeared in raymap itself directly so it has a black background. also i know the rat looks really weird, its just Like That its not modeled on the bottom, in retrospect i really should have rotated that one sideways too

the flabar/bonton has wings but theyre solid white (bc the texture for them is actually missing in final, one of the demos had them) and they blended into the background oops. heres a snippet from a larger transparent version of the chart

the way i actually sorted all the heights is i generally ignored stuff like hair and hats, thats why some teensies ended up being outright taller than rayman

also yeah i dont know why specifically generic teensies are so tiny compared to all the other ones. my guess is that their size was just leftover from the previous games and didnt account for the ones original to rayman 3 being scaled up, or something?

i love the teensy heights in this though i love that some are taller than rayman and the apparent slight variety present in their heights (even if you cant tell it at all and theyre all shaped the same really)

anyway i also unfortunately had to leave some guys out since i just couldnt move their objects for some reason, those being -iceglob (globox stuck in a block of ice unsurprisingly enough) -sk8guard (the teensy that catches you in teensy highways) -ProjCanon (thingy that you have to aim at celoche to damage it) -wbug (little bugs that are in bog of murk supposedly but i never saw them outside of raymap)

oh well i can finangle a way to get them out of perspective view i hope

#rayman #i was so tempted to leave one of the doctors out of the condensed chart like why do i have to include the racist teensy nooo #ANYWAY hopefully this is useful or interesting to anyone??????

[alpinelogy]

10 & 19!

Lourdes do you have the slightest idea what have you just asked me? Thank you so much for asking :DD

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

maybe we got lost (in translation) a thousand times over. Beyond the fact that it is my second fic that has broken the 100 kudos barrier which is already insane to me cause I did not expect anyone to read it since its a niche ship imo, the way people see the fic is so different from the way I saw it as I wrote it. For me it is a fic mainly about language and communication and how it changes based on who we talk with. Also specifically Esteban's relationship with English is very much based on my own experience with it, from being thrown into an English-speaking group and told to swim to English slipping in even when he is speaking in a different language ('the language spoken is a mess of French and English') Meanwhile at least from comments people see the relationship between Esteban and Lance way more strongly than I do. Which fair, it was partially written as a love letter to my bilingual friends who try to understand me even when my brain does not comprehend language and in hindsight I sometimes ignored the language part in favor of developing their friendship so I can see where they are coming from. And the fic is tagged as estelance so... lol Essentially what I am trying to say here is that people focused on way more on a part I considered secondary than I did while writing it, but I can see why. Also I've gotten so many nice comments on it and even tho I forgot to respond to them I do reread them on the regular because they spark so much joy (also first time someone whose writing I enjoy commented on my fic and it sent me for a loop lol)

19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs.

I actually dont have that many wips rn, I know, shocking, its mostly just scribbled ideas and disconnected scenes. And kinkmeme claims cause I currently have uh... 50 of those

Anyway i do have this. A race engineer!Oscar AU Loscar in which Logan has never been normal about anything related to Oscar. Ever. Starring Logan as a pining mess, Oscar as the calm and collected love interest and Fred, Alex, and Liam as the victims of Logan's pining

“Good morning Logan.” Oscar says as a first thing on the first day of testing over the radio and Logan returns back to his thoughts of screaming, almost vibrating out of his seat in excitement. Goes back to his year old promise of not doing anything stupid ten seconds into the season. Hopes that when the cameras catch his inevitable joy after he gets back to the garage it will be brushed off to just being glad to be back in the car, rather than anything else. As a worst case scenario, he will just put up the Alex Albon patented peace signs because those always somehow make pictures so much more grounded and Alex is really onto something there, Logan needs to study it. He will need it for this year. Probably. Maybe. Most likely. It's fine. It's, whatever. It's definitely not that Logan also spends so much time looking at Oscar in meetings that Fred has noticed. It's definitely not that Fred, with all the subtlety he has, cornered Logan in his drivers room and unceremoniously asked what gives two days into the season. Logan deserved that one probably. When Logan tries to brush him off, it seemingly works because Fred lets himself be brushed off, does not mind Logan redirecting the conversation onto another topic instead. Logan does not know what actually awaits him days later. It's Liam this time, who corners him a few days later, after testing, after the first race weekend of the year properly starts, right after the last free practice before qualifying. Being Formula Two teammates must have done something to their understanding of personal space between each other because Liam waltzes into his driver's room like he owns the place without even knocking. Logan has a half mind to kick him out just for that, force him to knock before entering.

(this got long but look, this is 300 words out of 7.8k that i am fighting to stay under 10k it's small okay?)

fic writer ask game

#ask #ask game #argentinagp #i have not ranted about maybe we got lost (in translation) for a hot sec. glad i could change that today :3. i love talking about it #also rereading bits of it jesus christ i was comma heavy when i wrote it. english does not have that many commas girl (gn) what #also if anyone wants to talk about (working name) galaxy collapse aka the loscar wip that lives rent free in my noggin hmu

[tyrantisterror]

How did you manage to build such a following? I’m considering trying to start a blog because I physically can’t have a more traditional job but I’m completely lost on how to do it.

I'm not sure if I'm a good person to answer this question - both because I don't really think I have much of a following in the grand scheme of things, and because I didn't really try to cultivate it all that much.

Like, ok, numbers wise, my follower count is a bit over 3000, which is a bit impressive, I suppose, but it's not enough to build, like, a side hustle or anything. Of those followers, I'd guess at least 2000 are people who saw one of my handful of Cursed Undying Posts That Will Never Rest Until I am Dead, and followed me purely because that one post was funny or whatever, and then realized I don't post like that often and kinda forgot I exist. Of the remaining 1000, I think it's mostly people who followed me for, like, fandom reasons, with maybe a couple dozen or so people who actively look for my content specifically, rather than using me as an aggregate for kaiju content or what have you.

If that sounds like a complaint, it is not. I like the size of my audience, I like the relatively small number of my genuinely interested followers, I like exactly this much (or, honestly, slightly less) attention. I like being able to know the people who've actually read my silly books by username and how they sometimes even tell me what they think about them. I like it when those good mutuals and not-mutuals-but-still-beloved followers show up in my notes over and over again. It's a small following, and it's nice. I like it that way.

Whenever my follower count goes up, my immediate reaction is fear, because while generally it means some people have just added me to their dashboard's influx of nonsense and will forget my name in a week, and rarely it means someone cool has begun following me and I'll eventually come to recognize their username with affection, every now and then - every rare yet horrifying now and then - it's someone who's a bit deranged, someone who's made me their fixation. I've already got a couple of social media stalkers (or one very dedicated one with multiple accounts, not sure which) and, uh, it's not great!

So, like, whatever following you think I have, it's 1. not something I tried to create on purpose and 2. probably not that impressive, numbers-wise. I feel like it's basically what anyone could get if they post their nonsense like I have for a couple of decades under more or less the same username. Whatever success I have as a blogger I attribute to a mix of being old and getting really verbose about niche topics I care about and have rarely seen others discuss in my particularly deranged way.

So... be authentically weird the only way you can be, and do it for a couple of decades online, I guess?

[grilledkatniss]

Okay so I'm just now catching up on whatever this "why is she shading Joe if she's happy in her new relationship omg" and the comparisons with Lover's I Forgot That You Existed's reactions of "why would she feel the need to come after Calvin if she's in a happy relationship omg" and...

Alright, listen. Here's my super fresh out the over hot take: have we forgotten who we're talking about? Melancolia, and digging up the grave another time, and never leaving well enough alone, and remembering it all too well, and looking back, and recalling now, and seeing it all now that it's gone, and wishing she'd realized what she had, and the whole ass concept of midnights is her dealing with the past and coming to terms with the series of events (happy or unfortunate) that led up to where she is now. It's her coping and doing that hindsight is 20/20, introspective psychoanalytic revisiting of the past, a terribly underappreciated skill characteristic to someone who's very emotionally intelligent. She's like an Olympic Gymnast in emotional maturity and intelligence at this point, and as such she never stops training and practicing -as in, she never stops reminiscing and taking apart what was and isn't anymore, like someone who's trying to figure out what didn't work out, what was the last straw, where were the signs she missed, what should've gone differently, how they could have fixed things, etc etc- It's her niche, her field of expertise and trade mark. Why is it becoming an issue now? Like, our capacity for empathy is super selective, honestly.

Also, now knowing how long it'd been shelved, there's a new bigger book of itemized speculations from the public, many of which will hardly ever get any sign of official recognition, much less one of direct confirmation.

It was probably one of those songs that was meant to be just for her and never released, or that didn't fit any album yet. Hell, it was probably what nudged her into starting a whole new album after an entire year of putting out rerecordings. Maybe she was already well underway designing the concept for the album, maybe the concept was already set, maybe this one at the moment fit said concept and was a call back to another sleepless night that could've taken place at any point in her life, be that recent past or decades ago past, current relationship's past struggles, ancient relationship ponderings.. you know what I mean? She's not doing anything out of what we've learn to expect from her throughout her career but more specifically when it comes to her latest studio album, which literally, as the well established and expressively stated core concept foretells, is an exploration of a lifetime of insomnia inducing ruminations.

[That being said, at the beginning of the year she did spend quite a lot of time flying back and from NYC's Electric Lady Studios (but I actually think she was most likely working on the rerecording of Speak Now and 1989) so there's that on the table.]

But at the end of the day these are people we don't know personally, and unless Joe decides to write a memoir (highly improbable), write another few songs but on his own and make them public, or write/direct a piece in the audiovisual department that specifically addresses the end of a long and very scrutinized relationship, idk something of the like, we might never know his side of the story. Taylor has this very public outlet and a huge platform whereas Joe doesn't beyond his sporadic Instagram photo dumps every once in a while.

Anyway, I don't think her puting an already published song now out on Spotify is a dig. She probably knew this assumption was inevitable and by now super predictive, cause this type of speculation has happened with literally every single one of her songs. She simply decided not to shield away from the scrutiny that was to come regardless and not let the public frenzy censor her anymore. People were gonna think the worst either way, make up theories and demonize her and the intentions they imagine she had for putting out a song about her own life.

I also think she learned from the experience of the re-releases that now she doesn't have to limit her self expression to appease absolutely anyone other than herself. She doesn't have to keep the men in suits with the big pockets happy to get where she wants to go. The rerecordings are a passion project of hers, where the fans' impressions and opinions haven't weighed too much in the making of. Yet, the relentless encouragement she's received from said fans, along with the praise from the media as an after the fact result (which could have never been taken for granted since none of them were counting on it getting any sustancial pay off, keeping in mind an enterprise like that hadn't had that much commercial success in previous attempts by several other artists... which is exactly why she was doing it more for herself and her own personal moral and legal gain) have helped in getting her out of her head about releasing discarded projects. You know, stuff that for some reason or another had to be cut from the final more polished official version of the end product. And it reassured her in the fact that, in the position she's in, at least today, whatever she releases will most likely not bomb commercially. Also, as an added bonus, not only does she get to get things off her chest and speak her truth, but revel in the knowledge that it feeds both the media and her own fanbase with content she knows it's desperately being sought after and craved for, not out of necessity but out of greed for anything resembling an inside look into her up till very recently pretty much kept under wraps and extremely undisclosed private life. Yes, even if it's calculated, cause it's a taste of the type of flaunting and overexposing she was known for during the 1989 era, where everyone and everything clung to her for clout.

What was my point? Something along the lines of be thankful for the dashboard food she's providing us with, but also be nice??? Be more aware of the bigger picture and the inner workings behind the decision of putting out a previously shelved song??? And be empathetic??? It's not that hard??

And, sidenote: in case it was so -that she's still harboring some type of feelings towards Joe (anger, resentment, sadness, longing, etc)-, she's completely entitled to feel any which way she might deem appropriate in regards to her own life, her own relationships and situations, and act and react upon them accordingly. We, however, are NOT entitled to any answer whatsoever. All tidbits, drops of tea and crumbs of scones are hers to disclose if so she chooses and at will, not ours to demand.

#taylor swift #you're losing me #ylm #midnights taylor swift #midnights ts #vault tracks #midnights vault #joe alywn #travis kelce #tayvis #awkwardifying life #the eras tour #eras tour #spotify wrapped #spotify wrap 2023 #fearless taylor’s version #red taylor’s version #speak now taylor’s version #1989 taylor's version #idk what else to tag. #since we're all making think pieces...

[endworldbroadcast]

I kind of forgot. That the problem with my limerence. Isn't so much the limerence. But that when I'm in that initial honeymoon phase of having a new LO it triggers my other delusions. Hahaha? Maybe if I try hard enough (at what? liar) my limerence won't get paired with half-hearted erotomania.

Anyway, I was thinking about something specific today and LO3 said something that answers that particular question I had and my intuitive response was 'Oh, of course, this must have been meant for me.' Which is obviously irrational and stupid!

But also, it's not that bad. From experience my main risk factors are if my LO talks to me personally (this one doesn't know me, they're an niche internet microcelebrity to microfamous to talk to me) and if I'm stressed out severely by some IRL thing that I rely on limerence to soothe myself (so far IRL circumstances have been manageable).

Admittedly I feel more vulnerable today because I had a brief moment of sadness thinking about LO2. Ah... I hope they're doing well. They probably are (?) I think I worry about my LO's more than is appropriate. LO2 is probably doing better than LO1 and LO3 to be honest. But who knows, it's not like I check on them. This object in my head is drifting further from the reality, and it's a little sad to dwell on.

I'm nervous about something for tomorrow so I'm overthinking again. Weirdly, since my limerence for LO3 got 'triggered' my desire to socialise/talk to people has severely dropped back to Before-Me levels. I don't feel like socialising much, not even with LO3 themself. I just want to ruminate and fantasise all day, all on my own. Is that good or bad for mental stability (?)

#d #lo

[neteyamsilly]

Chapter three had me a mess😭 please it was so real like, gave me flashbacks to when i forgot to tell my parents i had an ear infection and passed out, they came home to me laying on the floor with blood leaking out my ears🧍🏻‍♀️

What is it with dads and expressing their worry through making you think they hate you… like i tried to GASLIGHT MY DOCTOR INTO IGNORING THE INFECTION WHEN IT GOT WORSE CAUSE I WAS SO SCARED😭

Anyways, what if reader like refuses to talk to Jake for days so he’s like convinced she’s still mad at him and hates him (miscommunication makes my bones rattle😍) while reader is just terrified of Jake telling her something like he’s disappointed in her so she’s trying to out it off as much as possible???

just an idea my silly goofy daddyissuesveteran mind came up with, whatever you do will feed me for day🙏 Ik you have another series lined up but avatar is engraved in my mind rn and it won’t leave anytime soon so if you right a family AND romantic angst fic with very specific and niche bits of fluff then i will worship the ground you walk on😍😍🙏🙏

GODDAMN ANON WHAT........ but i get it... the more it gets worse the scarier dads get bc they dont know how to express their worry in a healthy way and hate feeling that way so they get angy (they dont know how to comfort) 💀 your dad was probably horrified because im over here cringing at the blood from ears PLEASE

and oh the good old miscommunication trope LMAOOOO i hate it but i love it. jake is like the perfect character for this and it's very likely this would happen. reader would definitely not want to see his reaction but jake would keep thinking that she has a right to hate him now because what kind of father drags his child home bleeding in immense pain and NOT notice??? so he'd not say anything at all EUGH

THANK YOU BY THE WAY 😭😭my avatar brainrot is not leaving as well, dont worry! but now my people pleaser brain wants to know what niche ur into so i can master it LMAO

#irma mirma ask mask #irmanons: 🫀

[timbrrwolfe]

Ok so in my ongoing struggle of my laptop slowly losing its marbles, the worst offender is probably that it's constantly reading the right arrow as being pressed. And I only just now, after a few months of this, thought "Hey, what if I just disabled that key, specifically?" Because I'd considered disabling the whole keyboard but 1) it didn't work and 2) that could have its own problems given the fact that the power button is part of the keyboard. And because the other biggest problem is that the damn screen fell out and is only in place because the top is leaned slightly back at all times. Anyway.

It took me entirely too long but I realized that disabling just the right arrow key would probably be a much better solution than literally anything else. At least for addressing the symptom. Obviously the best overall would be to crack the laptop open and blow it out or otherwise fiddle with it and hope that fixes the root of the issue). But since I'm not gonna be doing that, essentially deleting the key on a software level was the answer. Which you'd /think/ would be something that's doable just. Baked into Windows. I mean, it's certainly a niche function, most people aren't going to be remapping or deleting keys. But still, you'd think it'd be possible to go into system settings and say "hey this key isn't working properly turn it off" But there's not. So you have to download a third party program. First one I tried just. Refused to open. Probably because it's been around since before Windows 2000 (though the site I got it from /says/ it works on Windows 10. Didn't for me). I shopped around, found a different one that seemed legit enough, and even had a page in Microsoft's Store so it's /probably/ less likely to completely ruin my computer. Hopefully.

Anyway excessively long story short I no longer have a right arrow key and hopefully this means I can actually interact with the internet in ways I wasn't being able to for a bit. Including making long rambly tumblr posts (since otherwise it just. Took the cursor to a place that wasn't typeable (definitely a word) and I could only really say anything via tags). Or watching a youtube video properly after opening it from discord or whatever.

Oh right I forgot that half the reason I made this post was that even with that key disabled it seems like my computer is registering....something? Being pressed? But literally nothing is happening. Nothing's being typed, my cursor's not moving around. Functions and locks aren't being toggled infinitely. The only reason I'm assuming it's happening is that my mouse cursor refuses to maintain its presence (because it disappears when I start typing) and stuff like "seeing a preview of a window when I hover over a program on the taskbar" isn't functioning properly. Which is. Annoying. But that's much more minor compared to all of the things that break or malfunction when you essentially hold the right arrow key down forever. So. It stays unless/until I magically figure out what the other "key" being "pressed" is. Or do something to try to address the root of the problem. Which. Eh.

#Timbrr rambles #I cannot express the depths of my aggravation this problem has caused the last couple months #but it appears to be over which means...well. it doesn't fix other issues that have been keeping me from writing but it's one obstacle down #really I could make a whole post on its own about how the latter half of December may or may not be very conducive to writing. #so we'll see how that goes.

[mushroomjeremy]

CW: PSA about Montauk House

Can’t believe I have to make this but I think people who aren’t active or occasionally tag something in the main SCP 4231 tag might need to be reminded of certain things. And I’m willing to not say this kindly or bushing certain part of this article that don’t really get brought up normally or just fucking never. But I think this might be necessary for the people in the back to hear or a link-able post to explain to those who forgot about something or just never knew about in the first place.

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND IF YOU LINK A MINOR WITH THIS POST. JUST BE VERY FUCKING CAREFUL. THIS IS A VERY ADULT TOPIC AND THEY MAYBE SHOULDN’T READ THIS IF THEY THEMSELVES HAVE NOT SEEMED TO READ THE ARTICLE ITSELF.

I’m writing this post as bluntly and uncensored as I can do as it’s the best way for people to understand. If anything below is triggering or you begin to become triggered as you read, PLEASE STOP AND LEAVE THIS POST IT’S NOT WORTH YOUR MENTAL HEALTH.

If you want to make an AU/Headcanon about Lilly being redeemable, a good mother, or about her having ‘good intentions’ (seriously or jokingly) NEVER SHOULD YOU EVER USES RITUALS LILLY/SCP-4231-A! She is unsalvageable in this regard.

And for those that don’t know why or need a reminder about what canon 4231 takes place in and that SHE IS LITERALLY TRYING TO BE THE WORST PERSON AND SUPPOSE TO BE WRITTEN THAT WAY. Here a good chuck of what we knew she has canonically done and the explanation/motives of such actions. And why you should not be posting this in the main tag.

TLDR: Don’t uses SCP-4231-A Lilly ever and uses the Black Type/Eden Garden Lilly if you want a ‘good/fix it’ Lilly. And NEVER tag it with SCP 4231 or SCP 4231 - A.

I’m not bring up anyone specifically that has done this. I see different people do so around every 6 months and it has gotten under my skin every time I’ve seen it. I feel that this still needs to be said in some form.

I beg of you with this. Many frequent people in main tag are there for their own trauma relief from similar experiences in their own lives. It’s become  a niche for talking about abuse through Francis. She is not to be brought up lightly there.

There is a reason that the SCP fandom in general doesn’t just randomly bring up SCP 4231 to the point of sometimes it seems like an obscure article. It physically and mentally fucks readers up. People can’t finish the thing sometimes. You do not bring this up unless the space is known for it and main tag is one of the ‘do not talk about some of this stuff’ oddly enough.

CW/TW for what’s past ‘Keep Reading’:

Everything, Just Everything: Sexual Assault, Rape, Domestic Abuse, Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Financial Abuse, Murder, Torture, Disembodiment, Forced Impregnation, Forced Marriage, Sex Slavery, Sex Trafficking, Kidnapping, Hostages, Grooming, Incest, Genocide, Gaslighting, Victim Blaming, Psychosis, PTSD, Cults, Child Soldiers, Pregnancy, Birth, done to various degrees to women, men, children, and animals. Very heavy on the children side of things. And I’ve probably missed a lot of other warnings. Tread very lightly.

Here we fucking go. Buckle in this is almost as long as the article itself.

Anyone who knows a lot about SCP you're going to have to bare with stuff being generalized such as the actual 110 Procedures and 999 not wholly relevant to this post. This is to understand what Lilly thought she was doing not what actually going on/happened. As well as boiling the names Francis, Agent Ukulele, and Dr. Alto Clef to just Clef for simplicity. Also not much mention of A Major system because that’s it’s own can of worms that not relevant for this topic at hand.

Let’s start with the basics of what Montauk House is/is about:

SCP-4231 The Montauk House generally takes place in a conglomerate canon call Rituals/Montauk Procedures/Dust and Blood/Scarlet King Mythos or Lore. While these canon vague allude to various different connective events/concepts, to 90% of the SCP Fandom these are the same canon and should be treating as such unless you know who you are talking too.

As a basic understanding this all revolves around SCP-231. Which if you don’t know is about the torture of 7 girls around the ages of single to double digits (think ages 6~14) that were impregnation by a sex cult (Children of the Scarlet King) that wants to bring the closes thing to the embodiment of evil (Scarlet King) to destroy reality; the torture is the only way to stop all the babies from being born, reality collapses after the last one is born. The torture is call Montauk-110 Procedures.

Montauk-110 has a few variation in canon of what it is. However for this know that there are 2 different versions. One that Dr. Robert Montauk himself made as a revenge torture manifesto from fragments of a ritual written in a Codex and miscellaneous other Daevite texts. These containment procedures are horrific and makes characters in canon physically ill from just reading what is happening to them. The ritual in the codex is also called the Montauk Procedures, but is worse than whatever Dr. Montauk wrote for the 110 procedures. He made an alt version of the ritual but not a one to one. I’m just calling it ritual for ease of reading. Remember this fact throughout this whole thing; Rituals spell is worse than Montauk-110.

SCP 4231 is basically an origin of where the Foundation found the pregnant kids, or who I’ll be revering to as ‘Scarlet King Brides vessels’ and slight variations of this concept, where found. As per the title ‘Montauk’ and 4(231).

However, if you are main tagging, you know this article isn’t really about the brides themselves, mostly. It’s main point is an origin story for Dr. Alto Clef, his daughter SCP-166, and his girlfriend/wife Lilly. You all know who Clef and 166 are, I shouldn’t need to explain either of them as a concept.

The main theme of this article is the domestic abuse and rape of Clef and the psychologically effects and creation of his mental illnesses/disorders, in excruciating detail, it had/has on him for the rest of his life.

That is what everything is revolving around.

Before going deep into SCP 4231′s events I’d like to explain who/what a 231 instance is and can be as it will be very important...

Some explaining of who the Scarlet King is. For the sack of this post, he’s a god of rape and suffering. That what he is known for doing, like a lot. He had an original wife he forced to marry him, impregnated her 7 times, all daughters, and she died from the birth of the 7th child. He than married all seven of them, just calling them brides, ‘sealed’ them away, and impregnate them too, multiple times which each one. He also wage war on Death itself and is destroying/genocide realities to accomplish this goal.

He has a religious following, Children of the Scarlet King, that almost everything they do revolves around impregnation of various people and things; while sex cult may not be the right term for what they are, most people in the fandom refer or associate them as such. Lily is a member of this group, and Clef may or may not have been a member as it’s not wholly confirmed yes or no, this point will be important later.

This GoI got a hold of religious text, Erikesh Codex, that explain how to summon the Scarlet King to that reality to destroy everything and enslave everyone who doesn’t die. Which was the creation of 231 instances.

The Foundation tell their staff all 231 instances are/were children. Impregnated via a ritual of mimicking the Scarlet King and his original 7 daughter; mimicking like a character in a play, a vessel for them. This involved torture to get this done. The vessel were also sealed in tombs in a dinghy makeshift basement which where really difficult to get into.

They were meant to give birth to demon gods that would bring Scarlet King there, like a weird beacon. The birth will always end in the vessels death and the death would mean that the CHILD was arranged married to Scarlet King, then considered a wife instead of bride.

This is a lie, somewhat. The first instance, 231-1, is generally know to be Lilly, an adult. She willingly and intentionally became this, this was not forced upon her. She was not locked away like the other 6 children and allowed to do whatever the fuck she wanted to. She did not die from the birth, she was alive quite a few hour after it, she would have continued to live if she wasn’t shot.

However this might even be a larger lie, as sometimes CLEF IS 231-1, HE IS THE BRIDE. Unwillingly and Unknowingly doomed to marry basically the fucking devil in death. We do not know if Clef was locked in the basement ever or was ever in the basement or even know the basement existed, but we know at some point he is allowed to roam about and go to work with the GoC.

HOW COULD HE BE THE BRIDE THAN? HE’S AN AMAB/CIS MAN? Well the ritual doesn’t give two fucks who play which character, not age nor gender. As long as the end result is that seven children are born, it doesn’t matter.

So who was Lilly being? Scarlet King. She is willingly playing/mimicking various things that god would do. She is purposely being the worst to complete this task.

So at this point we know she has done the following: Complicit of rape, murder, and genocide; fine with and propagated incest; has preformed child sex trafficking; tortured 6 children and her boyfriend; imprisonment of 6 children, intent/attempt to murder 6 children; made 6 arrange child marriages and arranged marriage of herself or her own boyfriend with the actual devil; and is trying to be the Scarlet King in someway, again a rape deity.

So what is she doing/how did she do it?

Well it isn’t pretty in the slightest and I won’t be sugar coating this. So let’s get into this timeline and actions.

This is the last warning I’ll give: Below is a long and lengthy detail of the story’s events. This will not be a fun read. Please leave now if what above was already to much.

While we do not know when Lily joined CoTSK cult, we do know she did at some point. And it all kinda started when she meet Clef for the first time.

She seemed to be an orphan, if she even actually had parents, girl Clef stumbled upon in the back woods from his family’s home. They seemed to get along very well, to the point she was Clef’s best friend, and only friend, and the person he trusted the most in the world. At some point Clef’s mom left him and his dad when he was really young (think 5~9) and than somehow later on his dad died when he was a teen (12~17.) Lily invited him to live with her, he agreed, that house is the Montauk House. Not really to much about this for now but he joined the GoC a little while after this, you know, to kill people for profit, we’ll get back to that.

At this point Clef is at least co-depend on Lily as shelter and emotional company. Lily knows this.

There was something odd in Clef’s house though, the Erikesh Codex was just kinda sitting in a study room... the entire time he was alive. When he and Lilly left, they took this book with them. At this point the cult already had a copy of the Codex, so its not 100% known if the GoI was tracking both of them this entire time or they found out the two had the OG copy and then sought them out after the move.

However at some point the cult was in contact/extremely close with at least one of these two (Lily at minimum.) Why? Well because Dipesh (High Priest/leader of group) knew of where, when, and how the vessels where made and took ownership of the brides creation. However Lilly almost seemingly alone did 90% of all of this and guarded the vessels as she was the only one at the property the whole time.

There are two things that could have happened here.

1. Lilly converted from reading the codex after taking the book or the cult started talking and convinced her to join and participate again after taking the book.

Or

2. She could have been a plant for the group from the beginning. Intentionally befriending Clef to get to the Codex and took him as a bonus prize in the deal.

Also sometime Lilly age is up to debate, so she could be 100s of years old and just mimicked being a child and grow up.

So many levels down of grooming and maybe an worrying age gap while knowing the other throughout childhood at this point.

So going back to the GoC here. While the house did have a flower shop, North Access that town is so small itself is not on physical maps and in bum fuck nowhere, wouldn’t pay the bills much, who’’s buying so many plants?, they are also kids but at least at this age can legally get a job, so Clef ended up getting a job at the GoC somehow, also probably weird and telling to let in a teenager. He’s only friend was Lily, so how? Probably someone from Lily circle of people. A disturbing fact here: Clef original hated hurting people to an extreme extent, to the point he, at least thought, would rather die himself than fight someone back. He became an assassin for hire and is really fine and good at hurting and murdering people now, so why? We aren’t 100% sure, but this leads to thinking there might have been peer pressure and attempt to desensitize him too abhorrent acts. Also because Clef would leave for long periods at a time, Lilly took care of most of the money, we have no idea how much control Clef himself had of the cash pool.

This is financial abuse when coupled with all this.

An unknown amount of years went by, we know nothing really of this time. However the GoC started noting wounds on their agent, thought nothing of it that just happens in this line of work. This coupled with Clef’s initially interview with the Foundation (thought to be the most truthful he’s been) most of this was from Lilly PHYSICALLY HURTING HIM; cuts and bruise increasing with size and frequency. We also kind of know that gaslighting and verbal abuse was also already going on for very long at this point. Years and years of this.

Then the beach happened. It seemed that Lilly been trying to get him to have sex with her for a while but always back off after several ‘no’s’, she’s been sexual assaulting him, at this point with inappropriate unwanted touching with sexual intent, start long before this here... until the beach. That was the first time he was raped, not just sexually assaulted with unwanted physical contact but forced sexual acts. And she keep doing it once she noticed Clef wouldn’t physically stop her. We do not know how long she’s been doing this, could be a few months to years.

Unknown amount of time. Six girls got kidnapped by Lilly or other Cotsk members and brought to the basement in the house. While we don’t know what actual happened, it involves lot of torture, we don’t know what’s happening with Clef but he started showing disassociation and memory blocks by this time. Clef’s night terrors later on make him have large bloody gashes on his stomach and a very bruised pelvis; you know like knifes were carving him up and extreme force was happening during the rapes. Was it the ritual or Lilly, at this point normal abuse, being constant; no ones knows and IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER. At this point something happen, She at this point chose to be the Scarlet King larper, somehow, which no one should want the answer to, most likely got Clef to impregnate children, and stuck the six girls in tiny ass rooms in the basement that she created for this propose.

A motif of the Scarlet King is breaking people down, wearing people down mentally until submission. Another one being fear, create fear at all cost. This is what she’s been doing, purposely, for years with Clef. And she succeeded to a large extent; he’s got c-ptsd, he has a  disassociation disorder, and showing signs of amnesia at this point. If the Foundation (and various other GoI with lots of knowledge at hand) are to be believed and aren’t being idiots here, Reality Benders take a lot of shit happening to traumatize them that it’s almost never seen or heard of one getting one.

AND SHE MEANT TO GIVE HIM THESE, SHE WANTED HIM TO FEAR HER. TO THE POINT WHERE SHE MADE CLEF SOMETHING THAT HASN’T BEEN SEEN FOR CENTURIES OR THOUGHT TO BE IMPOSSIBLE.

FEAR IS THE POINT

Near the end of working with the GoC, Clef was taking more bounties, one after another after another. To stay the fuck away from her. He doesn’t want to return home, but he does because that’s what the cycle of abuse is. He has no one to trust but her. She has most of the money. He has nothing but her. And now he has a least one child on the way that he knows of. She made all of that. She wanted all of this.

The flood and Meri birth isn’t overly important here (until I get to the a part of what Lilly probably think of her daughter.) Except, we know Clef was found with a black eye, bleeding head from it being bashed into something, various cuts and bruises made on that day. The only wound on Lily was the head shot. There was evidence of someone throwing kitchen plates and other items. There are fake reality bent cats disemboweled and stung up by their guts in the bathroom. All of that happen while she probably had her water broken and a little bit after giving birth. After giving birth she should be exhausted and right before that pregnant people at full term averagely have a hard time just walking around. And she still wounded him to that extent.

We also see on this day Lily was trying to gaslight Clef into saying he had cheated on her. Weird, almost like you literally forced him to do it, which at this point is sex slavery. He is/was a sex slave around this point and doesn’t remembers fuck all about this. But why? There is a common abuse practice where the abuser tries cutting off a person’s entire circle, to be just them. The Goc was his last and only contact outside of her. She wanted to get him to say ‘yes I cheated’ to use it to guilt him to leave the GoC (she was trying this for a while as we can see) and then he would be stuck at the house to monitor 24/7. You know like a slave almost; her own boyfriend/husband that she supposedly loved.

THE FOUNDATION ALMOST DIDN’T FIND ANY OF THIS. THEY ONLY CHECKED THIS AREA AFTER SOMEONE SAID ’HEY THIS RADIO SIGNAL IS WEIRD MAYBE WE SHOULD CHECK IT OUT’ AND THEY ALMOST DIDN’T DO THAT. THEY ONLY THOUGHT IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH RAIN OR RADIO SIGNALS. THE GOC KNOW NOTHING UNTIL THE FOUNDATION CALL THEM UP LIKE ‘HEY FUCKERS WE NEED YOUR HELP.’ IT’S A MIRACLE THE CHILDREN OF THE SCARLET KING WERE EVER CAUGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE. THEY ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH IT ALL.

She made it to the point they (Lilly and the Cult) would’ve gotten away with this, with every child born and reality collapsing. Untold amount of lives lost in the area from periodic apocalypses. If it wasn’t for Clef shooting her for his and Meri’s safety, he almost didn’t do it. At this point he deep in the amnesia, he doesn’t even remember there being a basement, and definitely not the you know fucking pregnant child brides. He did it as a mercy killing thinking it’s from her going Level 4 Type Green.

So maybe she wasn’t really the best person, but could she have been not abusive to Meri?

No. She would have. Abusers don’t stop at one person, especially when they have a history of doing it to animals and loved ones (see the cats, Clef, random children.)

She wanted Meri in an act to bring the destruction of reality. Meri is a tool to keep Clef under her control; if she hurt Meri it would be ‘his fault.’ She doesn’t see her as a person, just a thing to meet end goals. In the bed scene Lily seem really distance to her already. Still complain to Clef about some vague thing he might have done, asking why he won’t ‘touch her’ aka why don’t you willing have sex with me, telling him how bad it is to be in the GoC to get him to quit. From her it was just Clef Clef Clef, dismissive, shaming, and gaslighting. This could just be Clefs memory at this point but it kinda concerning none the less.

Oh I might have forgot about some Scarlet King Lore. The second generation of kids from him, his daughters, and vessels are called Leviathans. Despite what popular fandom canon, he gives zero shits about them, he only cares about him, his goal, and original 7 daughters/now wives. The Leviathans are used as canon fodder for the Scarlet King’s war on the Three Death Brothers and the Tree of Knowledge. He kills these kids without hesitation at the first perceived sight of disloyalty. The mothers are knowingly raising them as war machines to die. He kill A’habbat’s (7th bride) kids (SCP 999) as soon as possible so they can’t stop him.

If Lilly is acting like the Scarlet King in this respect and knows this is what will happen to her child the instant reality collapses, She doesn’t give a fuck about her. Meri was born to die in a war she will never comprehend and both her mothers (Lilly & A’tivik) will never think about her again after she is gone.

Nor any of the other Leviathans being made, she’d has even less connection to them. Meri at least has being in her stomach for 9 months.

Clef is the only one in this family that gives a shit about these kids, and look at him and their containment. If you apply the Law of Concrete she knows that these Leviathans might just always get contained by the Foundation (though all her info on them comes from the Cotsk and the Codex), so she even has a vague idea what Foundation testing is.

Does she seem redeemable in the slightest at this point!? Does this whole thing not disgust you to hell and back!?

So what could you do about your headcanon or AU? Yeah, you reading this might have forgot this is what this whole post was about. Headcanons and bad jokes. The Montauk House article itself tries pulling this same trick to make you kinda forget about 231 instances and the basement while reading it.

Well the easiest is to trash it or keep it personal. However there is another thing you could do.

SCP 4231 is not the only canon origin for Clef, Lilly, and Meri. It’s actual a very specific canon compared with all of the wiki writings.

While there are many. The best option if you must, is the origin for SCP-166-AR. Meri had a rewritten at some point and the newer SCP-166 also points to this canon still, Rituals/Leviathan!166 is very much its own thing and not baseline SCP canon.

The origin is much simpler and less graphic.

Clef and Lilly either had a prior relationship or just a one night stand. This may or may not also involve non consent, I’ve read many contradiction if it was a thing or that was 4231 bleeding in. Clef and Lilly hadn't meet up in a while, like a good chuck of years having Meri during this time. Clef came back, with the GoC unfortunately, to kill her for a bounty. This Lilly was this doing some magic rituals that would kinda end the world, but more in the sense of restart nature and humanity not complete and utter genocide of everyone. Usually referring to bringing back the Garden of Eden in concept. Clef didn’t know Meri was born, shot Lilly, and than found Meri hiding in a bush near. He than snuck her around and away from the GoC brought her to an out of the way nun church in Ireland, and than fucked off. The Foundation found Meri years after this and they had no idea Clef was the father until he said something/DNA testing.

That’s usable. That can be redeemed. She probably is a good(ish) mother in this canon itself.

But please never use SCP 4231 Lily, not even in a tagging sense (the main SCP 4231 tag or SCP 4231 A tag), if you make stuff for this. Everyone in that tag is thinking of everything I’ve written about above. They aren’t thinking about Lilly as a character encompassing hundreds of different canons. They are thinking about a domestic abuser rapist child sex trafficker that wanted to kill, torture, and enslave everyone in every universe she could get her hands on given the chance.

Nicer and better tags I’ve seen are SCP Lilly and Threat Entity 9927-Black.

That main tag is uses primarily, and a large amount of SCP 4231 fandom subculture, is using stuff in there for their own trauma. It’s a smaller safe space for testing the waters (unintentional joke) of what themselves and others have gone through from varying abuse. Extremely on the side of Clef’s experiences. Lilly is not to be brought up in any positive way. You can very easily fuck someone’s mental state from make light of this on and off Tumblr (I’ve accidentally did that to someone on the SCP meme Reddit, this isn’t a Tumblr thing this is the SCP Fandom as a whole.)

Please just think for a second before touching very serious topics. Most of SCP aren't very serious; SCP 4231 is one with a very serious and specific topic, and should be treated with care.

Flood jokes are funny, the flood itself is free game from what I can see.

I didn’t mean to be overall aggressive in this whole thing, but I really want someone who doesn’t understand why this is a big problem. And I needed to say this in the most encompassing way that people could get a wake up call. And talking about the story as a whole and never leaving SCP 231 out of this was that way.

If you made it to the end of this post, thank you for sticking through this essay psa post and slight rant. Take a break, get some water and some food, get some meds if you need them, take some deep breaths. Take some time to decompress from any stress that may have come from this. Take care of yourself.

#SCP 4231 #The Montauk House #<-- I wish I don't need to main tag this but this is the only way to get to the people that need this post #please read the whole list of CW/TW's at the start #fandom psa #Once you click Keep Reading its a long post #It's a goddamn essay #I'm saying the quiet part out loud cause some of you need it apparently #Not censoring any word either #this aint funny haha horror this is extremely fuck up horror

[alltimefail-sims]

(Halloween headcanons that no one asked for but I am sharing anyway):

🎃 Happy Halloween, everyone!! I thought I'd share some random headcanons about my Strangerville OCs because Halloween probably won't be shown in the story. Fair warning this is so long lmfao like I'm serious... it's a lot of words. I rambled a lot. But if you actually read this ily and hope you enjoy! ❤

Tashia obviously loves Halloween. Outside of her birthday or her close friends/family's birthdays, it is the best day of the year for her. She hosts a Halloween bash at the 8-Bit every year for adults and sets up a whole treats and food station outside for the kids - caramel apples, apple cider, pumpkin spice cookies, full sized candy bars, popcorn, hotdogs, etc.

On the flipside, Erwin surprisingly doesn't like Halloween all that much. He loved it when he was a kid, but he would say that all holidays kind of suck when you get older (ever the optimist lmao). He is the king of minimal effort costumes - for example, his normal clothes and a pumpkin head that he definitely doesn't take off even to smoke (I like to imagine the cigarette poking out the mouth just a little lmfao).

Beckett and Junia would costume shop together. They are only dressing up because they're being forced to anyway, so they're going to grab a bagged costume from Spirit. They're not picky, they don't have time to make costumes from scratch!

Anwar didn't celebrate Halloween for most of his childhood - he always forgets about it and has to throw something together last minute every time. He never learns.

Zoe loves group costumes and couple costumes. She's a sappy person who loves expressions of friendship and love. She's never worn a scary costume in her life. She would assert that the world can be scary enough and on the *1* day she can dress up as something, she's going to take that opportunity to dress up as something fun and happy and magical, damnit!!!!!

Tashia likes her costumes to be scary and sexy. Anwar just wants to be sexy. Beckett will always pick something super recognizable because it makes for good conversations and jokes.

Junia is an artist but has 0 creativity when it comes to dressing up and cosplaying, so she always needs help and suggestions.

Erwin and his big sister Maggie used to carve very specific pumpkin faces growing up (really recognizable, ridiculous ones basically) so he takes the time to carve a pumpkin every year and set it out for her. He figures that if she's alive and sees it, she'll know he's looking for her. And if she's not alive... well, he figures she'll at least know he never forgot her, he never gave up on her ever.

When Zoe finds out about this habit, Erwin is worried it's going to weird her out or make her feel bad for him, but instead she's totally understanding and asks if they can put one at her house too, just in case.

The gang has scary movie nights at Zoe's when they have some downtime. Everyone (except Tashia) is terrified when it's Erwin's turn to pick the movies because they're always either (1) horrifying and gross or (2) just horrifying. He takes pride in his niche horror talent.

Tashia has a "spooky music" playlist she made herself that she listens to starting in like mid-August. She thinks it's dumb that "Christmas people" get music on the radio in November and that's normal but listening to Halloween music isn't.

Halloween in Strangerville feels like stepping back in time. The streets are decorated and people are all outside participating (no houses with their porch lights off). Even the local businesses decorate and hand out candy (and the decorations they use are quite literally 30 years old lol). There are yard decorating contests and doors open everywhere, it's just got that "small town" feel and everyone is talking to everyone.

The Roswell's couldn't take Beckett trick or treating most years, but after he got sick his mom started feeling like it was important for him to not miss out on childhood experiences. She would dress up with him (he would choose the costumes and she'd wear them no matter how ridiculous) and she'd take him trick or treating. Ted always worked on Halloween, so it kind of became a bonding day for Meredith and Beckett.

Junia is tough as nails, but she hates gore with a passion. If the movie has gore, she will be watching from behind a blanket and trying not to gag (while spending the other half of the time annoyed with people making stupid decisions.) But don't point out these quirks or else she will get very grumpy with you lol.

They all tried to go to a haunted house one year but Junia accidentally got so scared that she might have punched one of the workers. Needless to say... they don't do haunted houses any more 😂.

Anwar works at a hospital (he's a nurse) and during the holidays he is always the kid's favorite because he tries his best to make it fun for them! He always has candy or little toys, memorizes innocently spooky stories to share with the older kids, even incorporates little silly spooky things in his uniform. He comes off really cool and level headed, but he is soooooo soft around kids.

Zoe has watched Hocus Pocus so much that she knows it word-for-word. She can even reenact the "I Put a Spell on You" performance perfectly. She also loves Coraline!

Erwin and Zoe binge watch the 90s Goosebumps episodes during the month of October. (Also it should be noted that Erwin can play the Goosebumps theme on guitar which is super silly).

#strangerville outtakes #erwin pries #zoe tate #junia cahill #anwar nabih #beckett roswell #tashia moore #simblr #halloween headcanons #ts4 oc #ts4 ocs #headcanons

[yerbamansa]

on revenge ranch, hitting milestones, and writing to process personal shit

trying to port a twitter thread over here, please hold for awkwardness.

Our Flag Means Death got me back into writing fanfic after a few years of not writing at all, and I just hit what feels like a milestone there and wanted to reflect on it. 🧵

I just hit over 100k words across 15 entries in a series, Revenge Ranch, a modern AU loosely centered on Jim and Oluwande but with POV stories from other characters too. It's definitely a case of "I write for myself," but thrillingly also connection with others. 2/

I'm not comfortable writing smut and plot isn't my strong suit, so it's not like I'm "popular," but writing as a means of processing feelings that the show and also life brought up has been its own reward. 3/

Specifically, of course, the show dredged up an awful lot of stuff about queerness and gender for me, which was a path I'd been on for a few years already, but clearly had (have) a long ways to go. So I wrote about people trying to find their place in the world. 4/

I wrote in a modern AU because, frankly, historical stuff was both too complicated and too icky in the details to be fun for me. Surely worthwhile themes to explore, but not for me. I just wanted people to get to be OK. Because maybe we get to be OK. 5/

The first story I wrote in the series was an attempt to explore how Jim and Oluwande ended up together, and I went with the latter's POV. Just thought we needed more fics of the pair, and figured it'd be a one-off. 6/

(so i went a little nuts in canva last week...)

Of course, once I wrote it, more story came to mind, and I had to switch to Jim's POV. Which was scarier. Harder shit to work through, plus actual personal (gender) feelings. But it cracked something open. 8/

And people commented/liked? There was discussion? Again, not in VAST numbers (which, honestly, that would be a lot to deal with, and I am an anxious soul), but the interactions I had and connections I made gave me a weird glimmer of hope. 10/

It's fucked up, honestly. I have long called myself "fandom-phobic" because it's just...a lot. Either you're hot shit or you're no one, and everyone's judging themselves and, uncomfortably often, each other. Cliquey. So a little niche felt right. 11/

Also, I am VERY MUCH in therapy, and my poor therapist has had to patiently listen to me rant about a TV show and fanfic for six months now while actually being supportive so uhh. Huzzah for queer therapists. Anyway. 12/

My intention was to avoid focusing on Ed/Stede just because there was so much of it already, but I couldn't tell the story without it. Plus, I just...really get Stede, in the sense that it took me a long time to figure things out, and wanting to escape. /13

At this point I decided the pattern was Oluwande➡️Jim➡️another character, so it was back to Oluwande, now more settled in, both at the Revenge Ranch and with Jim. And third-wheeling Ed and Stede's reunion. I wanted to explore his interests, though. 15/

Once you've been jolted out of monotony and things seem safe, what then? What makes you tick? Who do you want to BE? OK, also Izzy is in this one. 17/

Looking at one relationship through the lens of another person is kind of a fun challenge, especially when the third party is building a relationship with each half of the couple. So naturally, Jim and Ed gotta bond. 18/

ugh, i just realized i forgot to add alt text to earlier images. sorry.

Anyway, Jim/Ed's friendship was maybe the most fun to write, and probably the thing I think about/wish for most often myself. (I exist on the internet…) 20/

There's so much I can't put in these stories. I aim for sensitivity and some thread of honesty, but ultimately it's a personal exploration. Which may be careless on some level. I'm bad at asking for help, especially without something to trade. 21/

Anyhoo, next we have a tiny lil' Wee John story, which pairs him with Frenchie but leaves it open-ended. As a POV character, he didn't speak to me too much, but I love him. 22/

It's all exercise, trying to find someone else's voice. Some are so loud I hear them through everyone else. Some fade into the background and I need to work to pull them out. Maybe some aren't for me at all. 23/

The next Oluwande story was maybe the hardest of the batch to write. I had an idea where I wanted him to go, but couldn't take it there yet. But he has a role and a voice and things to do. He's observant. He's kind. 24/

...and his relationship with Jim is so damn important. That they're growing together in ways that lets both of them change and fuck up and hurt and learn. Which is what happens to Jim. /26

I honestly thought this would be a fun little fuckery story and then is really, really wasn't. I love Jim and I hate making them hurt but THE SHOW DID THAT OKAY. I'm just writing the fallout. /28

So they "faked" Ed's death to get rid of Izzy. It probably doesn't work, but also I don't feel like writing it /harder/. Ed deserves a moment of reflection. He's pretty prominent in a lot of the other stories, so the one-off is short. /29

Feeling yourself out takes a goddamn lifetime, y'know?

Next, Oluwande comes home from EMT training (growth! change!) and just has a long conversation with Jim in the car. Because I love writing them together. /31

(ok i'm getting self-conscious about the length and self-indulgence of this thread, but you can always bail, folks! might as well finish this!)

With a little feel-good out of the way, it's on to more pain. I'm sorry. /33

We've gone 10 stories with Jim getting away from the vengeance life and feeling maybe good about themself for possibly the first time ever. So of course a little bit of the past has to come back and test them again. /34

Grief is hard, and closure isn't always (often) really possible. I was fighting both the "make everything better" and "make everything worse" inclinations. Also why not let Stede's kids show up now? /36

Time for yet another POV character! How about...Lucius? I am a big fan of major life events happening outside the story. I'm more interested in regular life. Anyway, let's meet Lucius's mom and his BFF, eh? /37

tfw it's fine but it's not fine with your parents, y'know? I did say I'm still working a lot of shit out, didn't I. But also Lucius is such a good dude to have in your life. He deserves the world. /39

THREE TO GO. OKAY. I had the idea to do a two-parter in which Oluwande does the EMT thing during a big storm while Jim is back at the ranch. /40

First part has the first M rating of any fic in the series. I tried. I am awkward as fuck but wanted to give them more clear intimacy. GOD, I feel fucking stunted sometimes. There's that "working shit out through fic" thing again. /41

Because of the nature of the main story, I felt compelled to do more actual research than I'd done before, at least enough to get a rough sketch of relevant details. I watched a lot of storm videos, too. And bad shit is encountered. /42

I wanted Jim's story to be more...light and fun. And it kind of is, but weird feelings snuck in there. Just, surprisingly, not theirs. /44

Which brings us to No. 15. I wanted to write a Halloween story, and I wanted to find Roach's perspective. I have so many notes trying to suss out what everyone else did for Halloween, bur Roach doesn't give a fuck. /45

Roach has his own shit going on. Lots of it he didn't want to share, and writing around that--both what he shares as thoughts and what he actually says to other characters--was tricky. Sooo many notes. /46

But in all of these, there's a little piece of myself. There's stuff I'm trying to do that's different or trying to be consistent or whatever. Because it's project, and it's given me something to focus on. /48

I don't know where the story's going from here. I want to work on some other stuff, plus I need to, like, find an actual job that pays money and doesn't make me completely miserable. So maybe I can find my own path, too. /49

Anyway. There's a whole pile of feelings and fic links from an unemployed 40-year-old weirdo. If you wanna connect, I'm open. I'm mostly enjoying the corner of the fandom I can engage with and am so inspired by other creators. Full of gratitude. ❤️ /end

#my writing #writing on writing (sorta) #revenge ranch #mild revenge ranch spoilers #ofmd fanfic #ofmd au #long post

[solunstell]

I'm sol, I do art I guess. They/them. Reblogs help much more than likes do!! If you're stopping by for whatever reason, check out my art tag, "sol art," which is also in this post's tags!!! I don't have a lot of time or motivation to do art rn cuz college, but I'll post every now and then!

Will probably block if you don't have a pfp, description, banner, posts, likes or whatever cuz you look like a bot.

Feel free to send asks or dms. I don't do requests, but I do take suggestions if I like them. I reblog a lot and have no queue so I WILL clog dashboards if you follow me. I don't always trigger tag my rbs, but you can ask me to tag my art with something in the ask box if I forgot something. My personal posts (tagged sol text usually) are always okay to reblog unless stated otherwise in the tags.

I most often spam reblog and art Bungou Stray Dogs, Spy x Family, MCYT, Mob Psycho 100, and Chainsaw Man. I don't reblog donation posts. I sometimes also do speedpaints. I use Krita for my art and use an xp pen tablet. Currently super into Bungou Stray Dogs, Chainsaw Man, and MCYT, but have in the past focused on Danganronpa, Kagerou Project, and Kemono Jihen.

I am not a minor, but I would rather not disclose my personal information here past that and my pronouns. I do, however, have an anxiety disorder and autism, so I may phrase things weirdly and over clarify things or seem distant cuz as much as I enjoy talking, it does give me anxiety at first (don't let that stop you from reaching out tho! I like talking!)

I block liberally and I have a DNI: transphobes, homophobes, aphobes, racists, pro-lifers, h*rry p*tter fans [a,a], c*ll me c*rson fans [a,a], death threat senders (no matter to context), anyone that ships (including x readers of) real people (in the case of mcyt, including their smp rp characters) that are uncomfortable with it, irl yandere, and proshippers. Keep in mind that some things on that list are not an indication of how I view them morally, but they are things I'd rather not interact with or view. There's more niche things on the list, but those I just block if I see it. Send me an ask if I break your dni (either off anon or with username included) and I'll unfollow, unreblog, or unlike whatever I did to break it and then block you so I don't accidentally do it again! I usually check for a dni when I follow or reblog, but sometimes I mess up!

If we're mutuals, feel free to talk to me or chit-chat! Asks, tags, dms, i don't care I just like to meet people lol. My discord is solunstell#8266 (send me a dm or smthng if u friend request me on discord! So I know it's not a rando).

I have reddit, Instagram, YouTube, myanimelist, and Ao3 all under the username solunstell. I also have (a) personal account(s) for the first three, as well as other social media accounts, but those are not art oriented (anymore) and are for personal/profesional use, so I will not link or name them.

Finally, I'll add the most common tw tags I use (skip if necessary, only for preemptive blacklist):

All my tags are below.

Tw knives

Tw weapons (not inclusive of guns or knives)

Tw guns

Tw blood

Tw bodily fluids (not inclusive of blood or tears, inclusive of snot, drool, etc) (no tag for sweat)

Tw wings (for wings or feathers in the context of birds, not inclusive of birds themselves, or other bird-like features)

Tw animals (specific animals also tagged [always plural, inclusive of characters with features of that animal]) (also have tag tw insects)

Tw swords (may cross over with tw knives)

Tw suicide (mentions of suicide, hanging etc)

Tw injury (may forget this one so just let me know if I do, not inclusive of scars [I don't usually tag scars unless self harm scars] or non-bloody bandages covering an injury)

Tw bandages

Tw yandere (for "yandere" characters or whatever, only for blacklisting purposes)

Tw fangs (sometimes crosses over with tw teeth, which I only tag if they are defined well)

Tw vampire

Tw bright colors (usually for digital art)

Tw flowers (or tw plants, inclusive of motifs)

Tw eyes (for more eyes than usual, eg in a background)

Tw crying (or tw tears)

Tw fire

Tw food

Tw alcohol

Tw rope

Tw cigarettes

I don't usually tag sweat, eye contact, or scarring. Let me know if I missed something!

I don't provide image id's for my art but in the future I'd like to start using them. All of my art is, however, labeled with characters pictured, what they're from, and the date of the art's completion.

I think that's it.

#sol art #sol rb #sol lb #misc #lun #long post #sol info #sol text #sol wip #sol pl

[disaster-lineage]

rules: tag 10 people you want to get to know better!

tagged by @anewhope @mandoworryan @orla-mcool @djarin <3

relationship status: single

favorite color: PURPLE 💜

favorite food: uuuhhh idk, anything pasta

song stuck in your head: currently is drivers license by olivia rodrigo

last thing you googled: headache at back head (i’ve had a bad headache and i am also a hypochondriac skdkflfl)

time: 12:49 pm

dream trip: anywhere near water but specially I’d like to go to Italy some day

last book you read: reread of emerald blaze by ilona andrews

last book you enjoyed reading: is it cheating if I say the same as above??? aldjdkfk I just have a very bad memory

last book you hated reading: ummm honestly don’t know because unless it’s something that makes me really anger I just forgot complete forgot about

favorite thing to cook/bake: ooohh I love baking in general but the past few year I have been trying to perfect making pies (tragically I have not done this yet)

most niche dislike: this might be specific to me but people thinking i’m like super pure or this moral paragon just because I’m very reversed and try to be understanding??? like I don’t know how to explain this in context it’s very weird but a lot of people at my work and in my family seem to think that I’ve had a negative thought or struggle with my decisions and I don’t understand why??? tbf tho my enneagram is type one sooooo it probably does seem that way even tho I am very much not aldkffk also did not mean to make this answer so long and personal so I’m gonna go hide now skdkfk

opinion on the circus: I mean like circus do not have a great history (I am 100% not an expert on this so please check me if I’m wrong and only recently stopped using elephants and other animals in show but I also haven’t looking into their current info on circus so like idk, they could be fun if they’re ethical???

do you have a sense of direction: alskdkfkfk no, I get lost going to places I’ve been…several times….I’m kind of a disaster wkskkdlf

tagging @fawad-khan @haydencristensen @patrick-stewart @daenerys-targaryen @exiles @kenobiis @capinejghafa @carlos-reyes @skywalkeurs @juliettes-fairmont <3

#tag game #text post #kay talks #about me

[feathered-serpents]

This is an absurdly long post about a very real anxiety I have about a potential twitter to tumblr mass exodus so sorry about this but I need to get it out somewhere

So, it's been a day, and I'm still not quite over this. So basically, something happened on my fun silly video game Twitter account when I made the horrible mistake of posting an opinion about an issue I have with the fandom that account is for, that being Dragon Age. Particularly the rampant sexism that exists in the fandom towards female protagonists and female players. Uh, there's a lot of it, people will attack and harass players that like certain characters or romance certain characters because they're seen as "boring" or at worse "homophobic" because yes most of those options are M/F.

I think what really set people off was a particular example I used involving a romanceable character in the second game who is bisexual, he can be romanced by a male or female protagonist (as can all the romanceable characters in the second game it's great) and I said "Why is it that M!Hawke/Fenris is considered the correct or canon option?" because it very often IS when again, that character is bi

(Now I sorta get why people were bothered by that, I probably should've said more specifically that I'm pointing out the misogyny, biphobia, and mlm fetishization combo issues with that question but I guess I thought I didn't have to)

And the people on Twitter who found this thread decided that I was a cishet woman who was uncomfortable with queer pairings in the game and was attacking queer fans.

I'm still not exactly sure what happened because I was asleep, I'm pretty sure I was dragged publically by someone because I saw more than one response that started with "I don't think it's okay to insult someone in their mentions BUT" however when I looked there was nothing that appeared to be a public drag. Either it was deleted or on a popular private account or something. Now, I wasn't doxxed or anything and I only have about 500 followers in a pretty niche part of the website, it wasn't that big of a deal and this situation isn't exactly the point I just wanted to give you context. Because after this happened I thought about what I might've done wrong and how I didn't explain myself properly and if I had been on tumblr I would've had more time and more room to properly explain myself, and then I thought about it a little deeper and came to the realization that oh. Y'know

This wouldn't have happened on tumblr

It's weird to say but I genuinely don't think this would've happened if I had posted the thread over here. I wish I had screenshots for full transparency but I do not I completely forgot to screenshot the thread before I deleted it for probably obvious reasons but I do genuinely believe I could've posted the same thread here and not have had people assume that what I had a problem with was queer fans and not fans who harass people with female protags doing m/f romances for no other reason than their protags are female. I feel like people would've gotten that. Maybe that's just the corner of this website that I have managed to cultivate, but I do genuinely believe that this situation would not have happened here even if people disagreed

Or I think if it HAD been brought up, the points that were brought up (There's a lot of sexism towards the female NPCs, especially WOC NPC, some of this is queer fans not liking cishet romances, F/F pairings are almost completely ignored by the fandom, etc.) would have been brought up more like "Oh yeah and this too I am continuing the discussion" way rather than "If you really cared why didn't you talk about THIS I want to fight" way. I think that's the kind of environment that tumblr has

I think the biggest problem with this that I have was the assumption that I was cishet and didn't understand that part of this was queer fans not wanting to see cishet romances. I don't think tumblr would have assumed that, like maybe a small part of it would have and maybe again it's just the environment I have cultivated on my corner, but I don't think it would've happened at least not to that same extent.

It was just very jarring to wake up to a bunch of strangers assuming very incorrect things about you, a fellow stranger cause again 500 followers that's all I've got, over something like this. I also gained a bunch of followers in the time I was asleep and when I took down the thread a posted a few tweets about how it was poorly thought out and that I was queer and not talking about queer fans, I lost a bunch of followers. At first, I thought it was cause I had addressed it at all and then realized oh. Oh, those were hate followers. Those were hate followers and they expected me to double down

Having now experienced a very tiny (VERY TINY) slice of this behavior firsthand, it moving to tumblr frightens me cause I like it here way more than I ever liked twitter, and I'm not sure what I'll do if this kind of mindset migrates over to tumblr again.

#personal #long post #wild time