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mental-health-advice · 3 years

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I dont know whether i have POCD or if i’m really a p. Before this started in late august, i always found p3dophilia disgusting and never understood how anyone could be attracted to children. i’d also bathed and changed children and felt uncomfortable if anything. however, i started getting some intrusive thoughts and got a random groinal whilst watching a youtube video with a child in. this led me to start obsessing and checking if i was attracted, when i couldn’t confirm if i wasn’t or was attracted to a random child in a video i had a full blown panic attack. this is when i started obsessing constantly 24/7 for about 3 months straight. i would google constantly, test for groinal, ask my parents for reassurance constantly. however, i would avoid our 5 year old neighbour but i would look at children purposefully in shops etc to test for attraction and pull up images on google to test myself which makes me wonder if these are compulsions or if i actually wanted to look at children. i started getting these ‘feelings’ for specific types of children that wouldn’t go away and felt almost like crushes, but once i stopped doing compulsions and obsessing they slowly went away. the pocd settled down a lot for about a month but then i started ‘checking’ my emotions again by pulling up images to be sure. this then started my obsession again. however, now i don’t feel as much anxiety and it’s almost like i’m trying to feel anxiety so i can convince myself it is still pocd and not the real thing. i use mental images to test myself and sometimes i feel attracted which usually scares me so much but recently i haven’t even been feeling much anxiety when i do get this ‘attracted’ feeling. i also still get groinal responses. however, this is even more difficult for me as i’ve never really experienced much sexual attraction for people in general, i’ve always had crushes and fantasies (about people my age and older) but don’t think i’ve felt much actual sexual attraction so it’s difficult for me to know what sexual attraction actually feels like. i’m so scared i’m actually a MAP and it feels so real, even my compulsions aren’t helping much anymore which makes me question if i’m just using this idea of OCD to make myself feel better when really i’m just a P who doesn’t like their attraction. The fact that i’m not feeling much anxiety anymore but the ‘attraction’ feelings are still there is scaring me so much. It’s like it was ocd but it’s not ocd anymore. One last thing that bothers me is that although i’ve had other obsessions, i used to obsess about whether i was bisexual or not and i used to do similar things i do now (like comparing whether i’d rather be with a man or woman, test my reaction to thoughts, worry excessively) and it turns out that i was actually bisexual as i now identify as bisexual 2/3 years later. this makes me think what if i am actually one of those people but won’t accept it? or what if when i do become more interested in sex and get sexual attraction it will be towards children?? I don’t expect u to read all this but if you have thank you so much, also i’m 16 if that makes any difference.

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us here at MHA; I know that must have been really hard for you given the circumstances, but I’m so proud of you and I really hope that I’ll be able to give you some advice and reassurance! I am so sorry that you have been dealing with this for so long.

I think the most important thing for you right now is to remember that these are just intrusive thoughts - they can’t be controlled, they’re literally unwanted things that intrude into your consciousness. They are not a reflection of you and your worth or anything like that, please don’t feel bad for having them! Personally, I believe that the fact you are questioning these thoughts and you felt horrified by them, shows that you don’t really want it and that this is just something you are struggling with. Maybe looking at it like this will help you to feel a little better about yourself and the situation?

I am going to share a couple of resources with you which are helpful interactive guides to help you start dealing with intrusive thoughts:

This four-step programme

Suppression

Moodsmith

Intrusive thoughts like these can be super hard to deal with, but there are some techniques that you could try and use to help you manage them. The most important thing with intrusive thoughts is to avoid giving them too much power - easier said than done - but if you don’t give the fire and fuel then the fire can’t burn, you know? So, if you try and avoid milling over the intrusive thought and attempting to analyse it you are giving it the attention and fuelling the thoughts further. This is not to say you should completely ignore the thoughts, but simply acknowledge the thought is present and then move on and try to distract yourself - try to picture them leaving you, like clouds moving across the sky or something similar, and this can help you to realise that these thoughts will pass. If you find yourself wanting the test your responses to things, instead, try an distract yourself with something else. LIke get up and walk away from your laptop so you can’t google things and instead go and read a book, or call a friend, or do some exercise. Something like that anyway!

I’m just wondering if you have ever reached out to a professional regarding your worries? The most effective way of dealing with these intrusive thoughts is to seek some professional help. A therapist or counsellor will be able to guide you into understanding your thoughts, why you are having them, and how you can learn to manage them. If seeing a counsellor or therapist isn’t immediately an option for you, you could go to your GP who can then refer you to a mental health professional. I’m linking our page about getting help here because I know how hard it can be to ask for help and to admit the issues you are facing out loud. Professionals are trained in dealing with instances like this, and this will not be something shocking or ‘wrong’ to them, so I promise that they won’t judge you or treat you differently for going to them with these issues - you have nothing to be ashamed of, lovely! You could call a helpline or use web counselling anonymously if seeing someone face-to-face is too difficult for you.

Grounding techniques might also be something you could try? Grounding techniques help to bring your focus away from any intrusive thought, bring it back to your consciousness and back to reality. We have a page of them here! I suggest beginning with you try something like saying the alphabet forwards and then backwards slowly, or running your hands under really icy cold water.

I hope this has been of some use to you, friend. Again, I’m going to say that you are not a bad person for having thoughts like this, you are not wrong or bad, or anything like that - this is just something you have been struggling with, and you are never wrong for struggling and needing to reach out for some support. Please don’t hesitate to get back in touch if there is anything else that we can help you with! Please take care.

Rhiann xo

#OCD #POCD #mental health advice #mental health blog #mha #mharhiann #getting help #ocd #grounding techniques #intrusive thought #dealing with intrusive thoughts

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mooifyourecows · 3 years

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hey moo, i need some emotional advice if u have any to offer 😢 i went through some bad stuff several months ago, and most of the horrible feelings have passed. but now ive been feeling really just...empty. and i don't love the things i used to love. and i feel so lonely or that people don't want to be near me. do you know how i could yaknow stop feeling like this?

Hey there babe I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a tough time right now.

When bad things happen to us, its difficult to process all our emotions afterwards. And sometimes, even though the horrible feelings seem to be passing and we think we are moving on, our lives don't just go back to normal. There are changes. Sometimes really awful changes.

Like losing passion and motivation, feeling empty and lonely and scared.

Youre not the only one to feel this way so don't feel alone. Things are just a little wonky in your brain and you need to recalibrate.

Think of it like... your brain is like a jigsaw puzzle. There are so many unique and interesting pieces and when they all fit together, they make the beautiful and perfect you! When you experience a traumatic event, its like accidentally bumping the table and causing part of the jigsaw puzzle to fall off. The puzzle isn't whole without those pieces, and their loss leaves this jagged hole behind. But theyre still there. You just gotta pick em up off the floor.

And even though you know how the finished puzzle is supposed to look, it might take you a while to put the pieces in the proper places again. Maybe those pieces don't look exactly how they used to look when they were apart of the big picture. One is a little dusty and another is bent, one definitely got chewed on by the cat and is now covered in tiny bite marks and another clearly fell into a glass of some sticky liquid... Maybe the pieces look the same but you can't remember what was in that corner anyway because it had never really stood out to you enough for you to really examine it.

You can still put them back.

It might not be the same and it might honestly be a little bit worse but you CAN put those pieces back where they belong. They won't look as pristine and perfect as they used to but you'll just laugh it off and swear it gives you character.

Be kind to yourself if its taking you a while to find your passions again. And know that its okay if you never find the motivation for some things. Its already normal for us to drop certain interests and hobbies and passions as we grow. The great thing about the world and the people in it is that there are always more things to discover and fall in love with.

All these things you're feeling now, the loneliness, emptiness, fear, apathy... theyre all perfectly normal things to be feeling. But when they linger for too long like they sound like they have for you, they can do some considerable damage to your mental and emotional health.

I recommend reaching out to someone you trust! It's a good idea to talk to a therapist or some other professional because they will know so much better than me how to help you. They can help you fully process those awful feelings from the traumatic experience you had.

There's no shame in talking to a therapist or doctor about this stuff. I know its tempting to just write your feelings off as you just "being a baby" or some other self deprecating explanation for your current state, but I promise that you're not being a baby. Even seemingly tiny things can traumatize us for life if we don't process our emotions properly. And therapists are trained specifically to help us do that.

I'm sorry I dont really have much advice to give about this subject other than to seek help from the people you trust and mental health professionals. I wish there was some easy fix but thats just not how it works.

Just don't give up hope. Things always have the chance to get better if you're willing to accept help and be kind to yourself

Cut yourself some slack! Even in the really tough times, I think you're doing great, and I'm really proud of you and all you've overcome.

I love you and hope you feel better soon 🖤🌈

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dangan-happy · 3 years

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Hi! I accidentally sent this ask before without the password by accident, my bad-

(What's your turnip prices?)

This is to anyone!!!

I've started school recently and it's been exhausting on my mental and physical health. Last year was pretty bad as I panicked a lot and it's feeling the exact same way this year. Some teachers are super strict and others are giving a lot of work and it's all just making me stress out. Could i get some advice or just a hug from someone? thank u sm!

Man, that sucks, I know exactly what you mean though. School is always said to be good for us but wow, I’ve realized more and more that it does more damage than good for the majority of people that I’ve met. Especially when the problem are the teachers themselves. They’re the ones who are supposed to encourage you and not be, well, an ass.

Maybe you can talk to your counselor about this whole thing and how it’s beginning to affect you negatively, hopefully they’re understanding and just give you empty promises. Another thing you could possibly do is seek help from a professional, having a therapist really does wonders with venting. It’s something about getting out all the negative emotions that you have bottled up that makes it worth the vent.

I’m not sure if my advice will be of any use, I’m not exactly a star student or anything, I’m just some idiot that got well known for his baseball talent. A sport that he doesn’t really care too much for anymore. Heh, sorry, ended up going on a small vent of my own. But if you still want that hug, I wouldn’t mind giving you one!

Oh geez... That *does* sound really stressful. School’s defiantly isn’t a walk in the park, huh? Especially the beginning of the year... you’re just getting back into the swing of things, then BAM! The teachers start loading you with homework! I tend to panic a bit as well...

I agree with Leon, though, it’d probably be a good idea to talk to your school counselor about it! Hopefully you have a good one, at least... I know not all of them are that great. Oh! Also, something that usually helps me out, at the very least, when I’m stressed and panicking, is to bring something small to fidget with! Maybe you already have something, like a zipper on a jacket you can run your fingers over, or some lace up boots with cool laces to feel, or something like that? If not, you could probably sneak something small in, and fidget with that discretely!

I hope that some of that helps, I really do! Oh! And, if you still want that hug, I’m more than happy to give you one!

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #leon kuwata #mod 11037 #Yuta Asahina #Mod Yuta

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fairycosmos · 4 years

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Do you ever feel like u are wasting your time? I just turned 20 and i feel like i have done nothing yet. I had to postpone going to college because of mental problems but now i start to regret it even though staying at home for almost 2 years gave me the peace i needed and let me get the know myself better after finally started taking the meds i needed for my depression and anxiety. Seems like no one, nothing, esp time wont wait for you and starts crushing u all at once, i feel so lost :(

hey love. yeah, i feel like that all the time. i’m 20 in a month. i think it’s really common in people our age because we haven’t lived the solutions to our problems yet, so our overactive minds come up with a hundred worst case scenarios about what’s going to happen. when really it always comes back to the fact that the future is an ever changing enigma that is never set in stone. there’s a world of possibility out there and a million different people you could grow to be, and that’s not a bad thing at all, even if it’s a little daunting. i think taking those two years for your mental health was a really smart and admirable move, seriously. it’s a mark of maturity to be able to recognize when enough is enough, and more than that to know how to prioritize yourself. had you not taken such precautions, you may have really struggled in college due to the stress, and that would’ve led to even more of a crisis. so be proud. not everyone goes straight on to further education because that path is only possible and safe for some. in fact it’s becoming increasingly inaccessible for most. look, i know we’re raised to think that our lives have to follow a certain trajectory in order to be considered a ‘success’. and i know that these beliefs are buried deep within our perspectives of ourselves and the world, so they can be hard to dismantle. but there’s literally no wrong way to be a person. you have so much more time than you realize. people are still finding out what they want to do when they’re 50, you know? they build whole careers, realize it’s not what they’re looking for, and start again from the ground up. that’s just the nature of reality, not failure. and not everything depends on finding a financial life purpose. so it’s ok if you feel like you haven’t ‘done anything’ yet, because you have - you’ve been focusing on your health, and that’s far harder than most people realize. our worth doesn’t lie in the stupid old capitalist myth that we need to be the best we can be in college and then spend our years slaving away at some high level job in order to be seen as human/in order to find happiness. you can see that that’s bullshit from a mile away, just a tactic to try to get us all to work mindlessly without questioning it. so i think it could really help if you could focus on drawing confidence from other aspects of your life - the things that inspire joy in you. it’s ok if you haven’t found them yet it’s about looking. hobbies, experiences, loved ones, projects. what do you enjoy, what can you get lost in? and how can you seek that out, even in the simplest of ways? it may also be a good idea to talk to someone you trust in person about what’s going on in your head - whether that’s a friend, a family member, or someone more formal like a therapist/professional. verbalizing what’s going on may take you out of your head and add some perspective. there’s no shame at all in talking about the fear, or talking about what hurts. even if you have to force the words out. as long as you know you’re not alone. of course, you don’t have to have it all figured out right now anyway. i just think it’s normal that you’re feeling lost because you’ve spent the last few years trying to get to a place of stability within your own mind, and now that you’re there - you’re finally looking outward again. so it’s alright to be a bit overwhelmed by it, it’d be weird if you weren’t. but know that this sense of stumbling blindly through the dark won’t always be as strong as it is in this moment. the only thing that is truly in your control is this moment. so while it’s natural for our minds to wander, it’s always healthy to try to ground yourself in the present. enjoying what you have while you have it. and focusing on finding the aspects of this world that make it easier for you to breathe. that in and of itself is more than good enough, i promise. just having the human experience is what it’s all about. there’ll be moments where your brain tries to convince you it’s not, but that’s just because of the old lies we were poisoned with in child hood. they crop up sometimes, but they’re never true. you’re a whole person as you are. you don’t have anything to prove, to take it a day at a time man. i get that it’s all a lot easier said than done, but i really do believe in u. and im proud of you for surviving all that turmoil, for being here to question where you want to go next. that’s really what counts the most, is that you stuck around. so whatever the world throws at you, know you’ll be able to find that same strength again. im sending you a lot of love. let me know if you want to talk about this properly or if you need a friend. i’ll be here ! 💖

#anon #this is just my thots on the matter it may not be like true to you but its just what i think

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uzumaki-rebellion · 4 years

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“Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Vol. 2 Chp. 26″

Summary: N’Jobu and Califia try to reconcile. their famly as Erik suffers in silence...

youtube

"I do it cause he real with me I do cause he still with me I do cause I should I do cause your good for me, good for me I do it cause I trust (ya) I do it cause I must And I'm doin it for us I do it cause I'm grateful... willing and able I do it for you cause you do it for me…"

Algebra Blessett—"U Do It For Me"

N'Jobu peeked down from his window to watch Erik play ball on the court near his apartment. A handful of boys and girls his age ran around the court shouting and laughing. Erik made a mad dash and took it to the hoop, his lay-up smooth.

Two weeks.

For two weeks his son had been living with him on that side of town away from his mother. Erik spoke to Califia every night before bed on face chat, and N'Jobu took him to school like normal and picked him up afterward. He spent the last two Sundays with his grandfather and great-grandmother and N'Jobu turned a blind eye when Califia joined them to have dinner before he picked his boy back up after she had left.

"Could I have another cup?"

"Huh?"

N'Jobu turned away from the window.

His neighbor Sheila held out her coffee mug to him.

"Another espresso?" he asked.

"Yes, please."

Sheila's smile was warm and it made N'Jobu feel very hospitable. Her son had been a good friend for Erik while he stayed at the apartment, and Sheila herself had helped N'Jobu out a few times by watching Erik when he needed to make runs at night to meet with the twins or James.

N'Jobu fired up his new Keurig and made himself a cappuccino first. He found himself making it the way Califia liked it and he shook his head as Sheila's fresh espresso poured into her mug.

"Here you go," he said sitting adjacent to her on his side chair.

"The boys are fine?"

"Yeah, they'll play ball all night if we let them," he said sipping his drink.

Sheila glanced at her cell phone and her whole demeanor changed.

"What?" N'Jobu asked changing the channel on his new wall screen.

"My son's father. He's not going to be able to see him this weekend…typical…"

"I thought you two were close to reconciling normal visits."

"Not even. There are too many things he won't change about himself, and I can't force him to stop being so rigid with Dion. How are you and Erik's Mom? He's staying here a lot now."

Sheila was under the impression that N'Jobu was in a long-term separation. A lot of the apartment dwellers N'Jobu knew for a few years on his floor moved out once the rents were raised, so he was able to re-invent himself as a divorcee.

"Califia and I are…making due I guess. It's better than it was."

There was some truth to that. Some.

N'Jobu was still lowkey angry with her. He didn't know how much until he was on the plane with Erik heading back to Oakland. He tried pumping Erik for details about what went on between Califia and Cedric, but his son could only tell him about how he felt being around the man. N'Jobu had begun to suspect over the years that Erik might be a true empath…an enhanced human. Perhaps his genes mixed with Califia's had created a child that would need more protection the older he became. The boy just picked up facts about people just by watching and being near them with such frightening accuracy that he was surprised they hadn't made the connection much sooner. It was beyond being a sensitive person.

His son knew true human intention by just being near people.

N'Jobu didn't know if Erik himself was aware of what he could do, but he didn't want to pursue the matter unless his son began to have issues with it. Thus far, it only came up when he was stressed about them.

Sheila stood and went to his window pushing back the hanging blinders.

N'Jobu finished his drink and went to the kitchen to put his cup away. Sheila walked in after him and placed her cup in his sink.

"Think the boys could go for pizza tonight?" she asked.

"Are you kidding? Pizza sauce pumps through their veins instead of blood."

Sheila touched his arm.

"I'll order in and keep Erik with me for a few hours. You look like you could use a break and some rest. Wrestling is on tonight so the kids will be excited."

"Erik's at your house all the time—"

"Not a problem. We enjoy his company."

Sheila's eyes lingered on his.

"Are you okay, Joseph?"

"Yeah."

"Send Erik over when they come up, pizza should be here within the hour."

He walked her to the door and watched her saunter to her unit. The scent of her perfume lingered in his apartment. Such a feminine odor. He missed that. He missed the sweet aromas back at the townhouse when Califia stepped out of a shower after washing her hair or taking a long relaxing soak in the tub. She liked to mix aromatic oils and burn them throughout their home. Those smells opened him up. Made him feel warm and loved. He missed the touch of her hand on him. He had difficulty getting past the anger though. The hurt feelings. It was all ego. The thought that she had the audacity to keep his son away from him. His blood. His baby boy. The third heir to the throne of Wakanda. He could barely speak to her when she arrived back in the city begging him to come home with Erik. Even Erik had a hard time articulating the discomfort he felt with her, the sense of anxiety he had for telling on her. He was worried sick that she would hate him for snitching on her. Too many complex emotions went through him and N'Jobu thought it best that his son should stay with him until the boy was ready to be with her again. N'Jobu still needed to get past his own shit before he could confront Califia again. He wanted to put Erik's well-being first.

He stopped getting the desperate calls and texts from Califia once she knew for sure Erik was safely back in Oakland. The weekend visits helped, and Nana Jean along with Dante kept the connections tight.

His woman had hurt him to his core and his pride made him punish her by taking Erik away from Oak Bluffs without her.

In a week, he would see her and her family for Neveah's birthday at the roller rink they went to for years with family and friends. Skating was something the Stevens Clan did for fun and family celebrations. Erik was looking forward to being with his cousins, Aunts, and Uncles. N'Jobu was looking forward to letting go of the discomfort in his heart. Despite his residual anger, he wanted to see Califia, and it was best to see her in the open with family around. He had no idea how he would act around her, but he was ready to try working his way back to her. And telling her all of his plans. Plans that had been in motion since he returned back to her all those years ago.

###

Califia cartwheeled around her father as he eased into a relaxed swaying motion with his arms and legs. Working out with him every evening helped keep her clear and focused on healing her mind and spirit.

It had been a horrible time for her being back home. The arguments over the phone with N'Jobu. The misgivings Erik seemed to have about her by keeping him away from his father. The distrust she felt she had created in him toward her. She knew she had not been mentally well during that time. Dr. Davis suggested she see a new therapist that specialized in EMDR techniques and also massage touch therapy. It helped her out a lot and she also began to use meds for her anxiety, something she avoided for years.

Running away from the shock of N'Jobu's country, running away from the still lingering PTSD of Lia's death…Califia needed more help than she realized. She was scared. Taking meds and having to seek out different treatments made her concerned that N'Jobu and Erik would view her as unfit to be with them any time soon. She didn't want to be seen by anyone in her family as an incompetent parent or wife.

Physically, her body felt strong and powerful, and she maneuvered around her father easily, working up a heavy sweat once she went all out flipping around the studio and pushing her limbs to work harder and faster. Staying out of the empty townhouse all day allowed her not to dwell on who wasn't there with her. She felt lost and unable to find her way back to her family. She felt ashamed.

The bell over the studio door jangled and Califia was surprised to see Erik walk in alone.

He stood by the entranceway wearing his favorite pair of jeans and a yellow sweatshirt with his school backpack slung around his shoulders. It was one in the afternoon. His hands fidgeted with the straps on his pack, and he chewed on his bottom lip.

Califia was cautious.

"Hey, baby…why aren't you in school?"

She stayed standing by her father, her eyes holding Erik's cautious gaze.

"Don't be mad. I ditched."

"Why?"

"I wanted to see you."

Califia's stomach unclenched. She took a step forward. Ditched school. That meant N'Jobu didn't know he was there.

She felt nervous. Something she had never felt like before with her son. Her confidence was shot, but she held out her hands, and Erik dropped his backpack and ran to her. When his arms wrapped around her waist, she welcomed a sense of relief.

"Is everything okay? Is your father okay?"

"Baba's fine. I just miss you, Mom."

Califia pressed her chin on top of his head and rocked him in her arms.

"I missed you too."

Erik clung to her and held his head back to look up at her.

"Don't tell Baba I ditched. I won't do it again. I promise."

"You could've called me. I don't want you skipping classes. You have tests coming up, right?"

Califia glanced over at her father and he stood close to them, concern so clear in his eyes.

"I want us to come home," he said.

"Did something happen?"

He pressed his face back into her chest and shook his head vigorously, but she knew when he evaded eye contact, he was hiding something. She didn't push him. She was just so happy to see him.

Rubbing his back, she walked him over to the office alcove in the back of the studio. Dante followed them carrying a couple of drums to lock up in a storage closet.

"You eat lunch?" she asked.

He nodded and she sat at the desk chair staring at his face.

"You look good, baby. How is your Dad?"

"He's good."

Those eyes evading hers again. Califia tamped down the need to grab her cell and call N'Jobu right that second. Erik was coming to her out of a need that he wasn't ready to reveal to her yet. No sense pushing him until he was ready to talk.

"Want to work out a little bit?" Dante said playfully rubbing Erik's braids. They were freshly cornrowed, but not by her hand. Who did his hair?

Erik grinned at his grandfather and it made Califia feel good when he kicked off his sneakers and socks. Pulling off his sweatshirt, he followed Dante out into the middle of the studio. Her father reached to turn on the sound system letting the soothing sound of a lone berimbau fill the room.

Califia reached into her purse and pulled out her meds. Unscrewing the cap on her half-empty water bottle, she tapped her pills into her hand. Erik's eyes noticed her taking her meds and slipping the bottles back into her purse. He looked away and focused on Dante who dropped low to the ground to engage his grandson.

She watched them play, Erik's capoeira moves smooth against his Grandpop. Her cell vibrated.

N'Jobu.

She took her phone into the studio restroom.

"Yeah," she answered.

"Erik is with you?"

She didn't bother to ask how he knew.

"Yeah, he just walked in. He's playing with my father. He said he wanted to see me."

Silence.

Califia took a deep breath.

"He asked me not to tell you he was here. I can drop him off at your place when I take my father home later. I have two classes today—"

"He can stay with you."

"Is something wrong, N'Jobu? He seems distant and I feel like he wants to tell me something but he's scared to."

"I don't know what it could be. He hasn't said anything to me and things have been fine here."

"Are you sure? He just seemed unlike himself—"

"I will talk to him when you bring him back."

"He wouldn't ditch unless something was going on—"

"I'll talk to him, Califia."

N'Jobu's voice sounded calm. The slight tinge of concern when he asked about Erik, in the beginning, was gone.

"I'll feed him dinner before I bring him back, so it'll be about nine before we—"

"Don't worry about the time. Just call or text me when you are on your way, okay?"

"Okay. If he wants to leave earlier, I'll bring him sooner—"

"Califia…it's fine. I want him to see you. He wants to go back to you and I want him to. I just think he doesn't know how to tell me because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings."

Califia smiled.

"We should talk to him together," she suggested.

"I have a lot to talk to you about."

"This weekend then?"

"Okay. After Nevaeh's skate party?"

"Sure…yeah. That'll work."

She heard a noise in his background. A voice. Maybe his tv.

"Let me know when you are on your way."

He hung up.

Califia stood in the bathroom wondering so many things.

N'Jobu sounded pleasant. Open.

Erik sounded nervous. Closed off.

What was going on over there?

She walked back out into the studio as the space filled up with students for a class session.

Erik's eyes found hers and she caught a smile on his face as his grandfather tapped his forehead with his hands playfully.

She had her son with her. That's all that mattered for now.

###

Rolita and Califia's cousin Michelle linked arms as they rolled around on beat to the DJ mixing up the skating music. An old bop laid over a current track had everyone moving around the rink head bobbin'.

Califia let go of her family and shook her hips, curving her designer wheels with fancy footwork. Her father rocked ahead of her in his shades, a white handkerchief gripped in his fingers. He jumped out from a group of slow walkers on the floor doing a skate line dance just to join her around the rink.

"Do it babygirl!" Dante called out, smooth with his own stylish foot moves.

Aunties, old head uncles, and cousins rolled around and the birthday girl herself, Califia's Goddaughter Nevaeh grooved in front of her wearing a princess crown on her head.

"Get it Nevaeh!" Califia shouted, and Nevaeh flipped around to skate backward, her little narrow hips wiggling before she dropped down low on the ground to show off.

"Aye!" Junie said sweeping the girl up with his hands and twirling her around.

The Stevens family and extended family knew how to work a rink.

Califia pushed her cell phone deeper into the back pocket of her booty shorts. She reached down as she skated and adjusted the knee brace on her right leg. She had overexerted that leg during a class and needed support to be on the safe side.

Her Uncle Bernard snapped pictures as she flew past a divider, and she skated back around to pose. She pulled the black power pick from her 'fro and fuffed out her hair with one leg in the air. Her father grabbed her hips and snuck in some photo bomb shots with her. Another slow walk jam came on and Califia joined her father in the middle of the floor to line step.

"There he is!" Dante yelled.

Erik and Walter rolled over to them with a boy Califia didn't know well. Dion.

The wheels on Erik's custom skates were glowing green and red and his braids were gone replaced with a fluffy 'fro that rivaled her own. Her son jumped in front of her and showed off for all the girls and women already in step.

"Hey, get it! Get it! Get it!" Califia called out and her child flexed to put all the other skaters to shame. The boy was bad for real. Walter was just as good keeping up with Erik as the other boy tried to learn the steps with him.

Califia glanced over to the divider looking for N'Jobu. He had texted her to let her know they were caught in a little traffic picking up Walter.

She saw him watching them and she felt butterflies in her stomach seeing him again. His eyes were on her too and then he turned his head to talk to a woman who was next to him. He whispered something in her ear and she waved at the boy Dion. Rolita skated over to N'Jobu with Navaeh behind the divider giving him a hug. N'Jobu picked up Navaeh and kissed her cheek, introducing the woman with him to Rolita.

The slow walking broke up when the DJ dropped a banger and Erik grabbed her hand and pulled her out into the flow of skaters circling the rink. Rolita joined them along with Junie and soon it was a cadre of family and friends doing practiced steps all together. Erik kept popping his black jersey with pride, the words "Sk8t Town Ballers" on it. Their whole family wore the same jerseys.

Califia ignored N'Jobu and focused on having fun with her son as he lead the pack.

"Go. Mom!" he called out, and Califia showed out a bit. She turned backward twisting her legs with fancy footwork as Erik grabbed her back pocket to join her. He kept up with her and she reached back to hold his hands as he supported her weight. Walter zoomed around and Califia reached out and grabbed his long swinging ponytail.

"Do the rock steady, y'all," Califia yelled.

The boys maneuvered beside her and they all sidestepped together inline skating, linking arms as they spun around backward keeping the beat to the music. Dion rolled in front of them and Califia released them to their fun. Walter and Erik held on to Dion as they guided him around and Califia skated near them, enjoying her son having fun with his friends. His cousins joined in and all Califia heard were laughs, jokes, and giggles among the children. Her father joined her and Califia skated with Dante for a long time until he set his sights on Junie and some other relatives.

Erik rejoined her and they held arms and rolled around for two more songs until they broke off together and rolled over to N'Jobu.

"Hey," she said.

She felt shy in front of him. His eyes took in her hair and her face and there was a warmth there and she felt her heart swelling…until he introduced the woman next to him breaking the spell of her taking in his handsome face.

"This is Sheila, Dion's Mom. She rode over with us."

"Hi! It's been years since I've been to a roller rink. It's so much different now. Intense!"

Sheila was a little too perky for Califia's tastes.

"Grab some wheels," Califia suggested.

"No. I'll stay over here safe with Joseph."

Califia glanced at N'Jobu's face.

Erik stood there looking uncomfortable. Not even making eye contact with Sheila. He seemed anxious to get away from her.

"Do you take Dion skating often?"

"Not enough. I share custody with his father, so we don't get to have regular sessions like Erik."

Walter and Dion skated over tugging on Erik's jersey. Navaeh rolled around and bumped her hip into Erik's to get his attention. The music was banging and Califia rolled back to partake, but Erik nudged her back toward the divider. She looked at his face, but his eyes were on his father.

"Restroom?" Sheila asked.

Califia pointed to her left.

"In the back," she told the woman.

Sheila slunk away through the throngs of skaters watching others on the floor.

"You look good out there," N'Jobu said. His eyes took in her knee brace.

"What happened?"

"Nothing serious. Just sore. Getting older and can't take those hits as easily as I used to."

"Be careful."

"I am."

"You want a soda, JaJa?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Califia?"

"I'm good, get him one."

Erik stepped up off of the floor and followed his Dad. Califia watched N'Jobu throw his arm around his son's shoulder.

"How's it going?"

Rolita bumped her shoulder into Califia's breaking her from the spell of her family.

"Okay. Just said hello."

"What's up with Sheila?"

Califia stared at Rolita.

"You know what I'm asking-"

"I don't know. My first time seeing this woman. She's just Dion's Mom."

"How's he acting?"

"N'Jobu? We just said a few words, now he's getting Erik a soda—"

"Erik doesn't like her."

"I can tell. I think this is what he's worried about."

Califia exhaled with a loud gust of air.

"Why the fuck did he bring this woman?"

"Look alive…"

Rolita skated away from her as Sheila returned. Her eyes darted around for N'Jobu but only found Califia waiting in the same exact spot. Califia glared at her.

"My son really likes hanging out with Erik," Sheila said.

Califia nodded and let her hands rest on the divider wall.

The DJ stopped the music to make a birthday announcement for Nevaeh and the entire rink sang Happy Birthday to her as she skated in front of the DJ booth. When the crowd clapped, Califia turned back and Sheila was gone.

###

N'Jobu retrieved a carton of corndogs and sodas at the pick-up line of the concession stand. Erik grabbed paper napkins and some straws.

Sheila walked up to him and pressed her hand against his back.

"Let me help," she said trying to fix the lids on the sodas.

N'Jobu turned and saw Erik glaring at him, his eyes narrow, his lips tight. The boy then looked at Sheila and backed away from them on his skates.

"JaJa," N'Jobu said.

His son rolled away from them and N'Jobu walked over to the table that was reserved for Nevaeh's party. He placed the food and drinks on an open space near the big birthday cake on display.

"I'll get Walter and Dion," Sheila said.

"Okay. I'll find Erik."

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know."

N'Jobu moved through people and his eyes sought out his boy. He caught sight of him with Califia near another entrance to the floor.

"What's up?" N'Jobu asked when he caught the agitated body language from both of them. Califia's eyes looked hot.

"Go on, go skate," Califia said.

"Son—"

N'Jobu tried to touch Erik's shoulder but the boy shook his hand away.

"Why are you upset? Talk to me…Erik!"

N'Jobu pulled his son to him with a firm hand.

"She touched you."

Erik's words spit out like venom.

Califia stared at N'Jobu.

"I saw her touch you…it isn't the first time either."

"Hold on now. She touched me? How? When?"

"Just now, she had her hand on your back. She's trying to take Mom's place and you're letting her. I don't want her around!"

"That's Dion's Mom. He's your friend—"

"I don't want to be his friend anymore if she's around."

"You are full of confusion right now—"

"She doesn't want you to get back with Mom. I heard her say that today. She was talking to her friend and I heard her—"

"JaJa, let me talk to your Dad alone. Go skate with Navaeh."

She nudged him to go and he was reluctant.

"Let us talk. Grown folks time, now."

Erik nodded and skated away from them.

"Let's go outside," Califia said.

He followed her out of the rink and into the parking lot. She took off her skates and leaned against her car.

"Are you seeing, Sheila?"

"We hang out sometimes because of the boys and she watches him sometimes when I do errands."

"Fixing his hair too?"

"Once. I'm not seeing her."

"But you know Erik…how he is. And he wouldn't lie about something he overheard. This woman is making plans, and Erik knows it. You shouldn't have brought her. People are already assuming—"

"She just wanted to hang out with her son doing something fun. His Dad doesn't take an interest, and he's Erik's friend, and it's not a big deal to me—"

"But Erik knows differently. And I'm sure you picked up on this chick's intentions."

"I didn't come to argue or start trouble, Califia. I was just being a good neighbor and trying to help out. I came to see you and our son together. We carpooled over here. There was no sense taking two cars going to the same place-"

"You still shouldn't have brought her. Erik's really upset. He said she touched you at the concession stand."

"She put her hand on my back and then she helped fix some lids on the sodas. There wasn't anything inappropriate. Can we just go in and fix this?"

"He said she touches you all the time."

"She touches everyone like that."

"N'Jobu. The woman said she doesn't want you back with me. Are you hearing that? Our child said that."

"What do you want me to do? Take her home right now?"

"She can Uber her way out…I swear this is just like being in school again—"

"You're blaming me for this?"

"Did you know Erik doesn't like her?"

"No."

"Are the boys getting along?"

"Yeah. Dion likes me, and we all get along great. We do fun stuff together."

Califia shook her head.

"We better go back in there and have a united front or else my family will go off."

She picked up her skates and headed toward the entrance around the front. N'Jobu grabbed her hand.

"Califia. I promise you. I didn't intend to bring friction. I was trying to be nice."

She stared at his fingers clasped with her own. Things were so tenuous. He pulled her in close, his body craving hers next to his. It had been so long. She closed her eyes and he felt her give a small sigh when he nuzzled her cheek.

"I'm here for you and Erik."

"Then clear it up with her and make her leave."

"Can't we just enjoy the party and ignore her?"

"You need to make yourself clear with our son and cut this woman off."

"Did you do that with Cedric?"

Stupid. There was no reason to bring that man up. But Erik was able to pick up on that man's intent too. It's why he reached out to N'Jobu to find them. It's why he went to Califia inside the rink.

"If you are saying this is the same situation, it probably is. And yes, I spoke to Erik about that. No more contact. Done."

N'Jobu pressed his lips onto her mouth. She was hesitant with him, her body coiled up tight against his chest. He took both of his hands and cradled her face. She dropped her skates and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Bay-bee…"

"I'm here…"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

"We can do better. Together."

"I know."

He felt himself melt in her arms.

###

He walked back into the roller rink holding Califia's hand, feeling a security he hadn't felt for a long time. He tried to think of a tactful way to handle Sheila when they both saw a scuffle near the birthday party table and people jumping back from the ruckus with their skates.

Dante rolled into the middle of the melee and they both saw him lift up Erik off of Dion, arms swinging.

"Erik!" N'Jobu shouted, dropping Califia's hand and running up to snatch his son up.

Wrenching his boy from his grandfather's arms, N'Jobu carried Erik far away from the group. Sheila ran up to Dion and coddled him while Califia picked up the knocked over corn dogs and soda. Thankfully the birthday cake was left unharmed.

"Calm down! Calm down!"

N'Jobu set the boy down.

"What happened?"

Erik's chest was still puffing out, his eyes darting back and forth. Fists still clenched and ready to rock Dion again, N'Jobu placed his hand on his son's chest.

"Breath. Talk to me, Son."

"I hate him!"

"Why?"

Walter skated over to them, his face still full of shock from the violence.

Erik wouldn't speak.

"Walter, what happened?"

"He just went off on him—"

"But why? Tell me exactly what happened."

"We were eating the corndogs and Dion just said they could do this a lot more if they became brothers and Erik just went off."

Erik's lips were still poked out.

Sheila walked near them holding a wad of napkins up to Dion's nose. The boy was crying.

"Why did you do this?" Sheila lamented.

"I already got a mom, hoe—"

"N'Jadaka!"

Erik's eyes grew wide and his lips untwisted when he heard his Wakandan name.

"Apologize."

Erik's eyes watered and he refused.

"Sheila—"

"I'm going to take Dion, home."

She stomped out dragging her son with his bloody nose behind her.

"You could've handled this another way, JaJa."

"You don't even care," Erik said.

"I do care. Listen to me. Dion is your friend. His mother has some misplaced and misguided feelings, and it might be my fault for being too nice, and maybe allowing her too much time with us. That was no disrespect to your Mom. I love your Mom and we are working to get back together—"

"For real, Baba?"

His eyes were hopeful.

"Yes, Son. But you were wrong for attacking Dion. He meant you no harm. He was probably excited to have you in his life more—"

"But his Mom was wrong for saying that stuff. How can she be nice all in my face, but she wants to take you away from my mother? I don't want her in my life. I don't want her in your life. She's aggy and I hate her."

"You don't hate her."

Erik wiped a tear from his eye.

"I do hate her. She wants to hurt, Mom. I won't let her. I'll beat Dion up again if she comes back."

"No, you won't."

"I will…"

Erik's eyes challenged N'Jobu.

"Are you willfully disobeying me?"

Erik's lips grew tight again and he evaded eye contact once more.

"Erik, man. Chill," Walter whispered.

Califia walked up to them. N'Jobu glanced over at her.

"This has become a shitshow," N'Jobu whispered noticing people still watching them.

"Did Sheila leave?"

"Yeah."

"Rolita is about to cut the cake. Let's just get back to the party and let things calm down—"

"He needs to apologize to them—"

"Later, N'Jobu. Right now, let's focus on our son. Eat some cake, celebrate Navaeh's day, calm down…work with me here."

Walter patted Erik's shoulder and persuaded his friend to follow him back over to the rest of the family.

"I can drop Walter off later, and we can go home and talk this all out. Let him calm down."

"We have to get this right. He needs us."

"I know."

Califia stroked his arm

Home.

Together.

At last.

Chapter 27 Here

###

Tag List:

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@allhailqueennel @bartierbakarimobisson @cpwtwot @shookmcgookqueen @yoyolovesbucky

@raysunshine78 @the-illllest @terrablaze514 @l-auteuse @amirra88 @jimizwidow @janelledarling

@chaneajoyyy @sweetestdream92 @purple-apricots @blackpinup22 @hennessystevens-udaku

@scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @bugngiz @stariamrry @honeytoffee @meilintheempressofdreams

@tyees @eye-raq @writerbee-ffs @chocolatedream30 @childishgambinaa @mygirlrenee @nahimjustfeelingit-writes

#black boys bloom thorns first #n'jobu #prince n'jobu #baby killmonger #erik stevens #n'jadaka #black panther fan fiction #uzumaki rebellion

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malafight · 4 years

Note

hi im so sorry but i wanted to ask for help if u feel up to it. basically ive done next to no schoolwork (bare bare min) since we went on quarantine 4-5 weeks ago and i just missed two deadlines for big things and i still haven't done those assignments and i keep missing the online classes and i can't seem to make myself work and i feel terrified and awful and also like i have to hide it from my friends and therapist despite my anxiety and depression. what do i do? (again im so sorry. ty & ily)

hey, sorry it’s taken a bit to respond to this; i spent today recovering from a massive panic attack myself and probably wouldn’t have been able to provide good enough advice at the time. but i’m here now!

first of all, you’re not alone. you’re far from the only one terrified right now. and it’s okay to be terrified. you don’t have to apologize for your feelings or for asking for help -- i’m always willing to provide whatever advice i can, and hunt down things that might help when my experience hasn’t given me a good enough answer. we’re all doing our best out here right now, even if your brain is telling you you aren’t doing enough. you’re trying to survive, right now, and that is enough. it’s all most of us can do at this point. don’t let yourself feel bad for being afraid; we all are. don’t beat yourself up for not doing more, for yourself or for other people; you can’t pour from an empty cup. you don’t have to do anything but survive, right now. i give you permission to just focus on keeping yourself together as best you can, okay? it’s a tough time, but you’re not alone.

now for the actual school-related stuff. i know most people would tell you to be professional when communicating with professors, but now is not the time for your instructors to see you as an automaton. i’ve found that being genuine, honest, and polite helps humanize you to a professor who may only know you by your name in their system. i’ll preface this with the fact that it doesn’t always work, because sometimes teachers lack basic empathy, but it’s much easier on you, even, to be honest from the get-go.

now is not the time to put on a brave face. the world is hideously, pants-shittingly terrifying right now, and if people don’t know you need help, they can’t help you. some folks have the spoons or money to spare; folks like me have words and the Mom Friend Override. for some, being able to help others makes it easier for them to cope themselves. if you can’t bring yourself to reach out and look for support for yourself, remember that humans are a social species -- we need each other. so reach out and let your friends know that you’re scared. they’re scared, too. feeling afraid sucks, but feeling afraid and alone is even worse. you know the saying “misery loves company,” right? don’t look at it as a negative right now. think of it as instructions to seek out companionship and understanding in times of trouble. misery loves company. go find some company.

(also, tell your therapist -- what’s the use of having one if you don’t open up to them? you can’t treat an illness if your patient isn’t keeping you updated on the symptoms. if you had an injured leg, and suddenly it started inexplicably hurting even worse than before, you’d tell your doctor, right? same goes for mental health. please talk to your therapist. i’m not certified or even trained in this sort of thing, just someone who’s been fighting for decades with a brain that doesn’t work right in a world trying to kick my ass at every turn. there are things a therapist can help you with that i don’t have the resources for. use what you have at your fingertips! trust me, your therapist is hearing all about covid right now, and they won’t judge you for being scared.)

i also want to say that it takes a lot of courage to reach out for help like this, and i’m proud of you. i can tell that you’re doing your best. and i know how much it sucks to feel like your best isn’t enough. everything is awful and stressful, but we need to reach out to each other, if only to huddle under a blanket together to avoid the storm roaring outside.

i’ll provide here what i hope will be a useful template for asking your instructors for help with this situation. i know emailing them is even more terrifying, but you can’t get help from someone who doesn’t know you need it.

also, i suggest you edit the template a bit to fit your situation. in situations like these it is so, so important to humanize yourself to them.

(email template below)

[Instructor Name],

This is [name] from your [course] course. I know we haven’t been in contact much over the semester, but I need to ask for your help.

I’m sure by now you’ve noticed that my performance in class has started to slip, and I want to let you know that it is not because of your failure as an instructor, and it’s not meant in any disrespect. I’ve been enjoying your course so far, but with the current Coronavirus situation, it’s getting harder and harder for me to even function on a normal, human level. [provide some detail here about your mental state, ie: I’m freaking out, I’m stressed and terrified, and I feel like I’m falling apart, and that things are awful and hopeless. use your own words, preferably, but be honest.]

I hate bringing this sort of thing up, but [I’m mentally ill, I have depression and anxiety, I have a disability, basically explain your particular situation] and it’s making an already-terrifying worldwide disaster even harder to process and cope with. [give some example of how it’s harder for you to function -- your partner has to remind you to eat, it took a spatula to even get you out of bed, you keep losing track of the time to panic and find entire days gone with no memory of doing anything but freaking out, etc]

I promise I’m doing my best in your course, and I want to be able to complete it successfully, but I’m afraid I might fail under these present conditions. Is there any sort of help you can provide for me, like an extension on assignment due dates? I’m not trying to get out of doing my work, but under this much stress and fear, it’s getting harder and harder to focus on completing my assignments. Any sort of assistance you can provide would be helpful.

[you can also ask here if there are any resources the school can provide you in this situation. even if you look up resources on your own, your instructor may know about some things you haven’t found yet]

I know you’re probably scared, too, and I want to thank you for any help you’re able to give me.

Stay healthy,

[your name]

please keep holding on. we’re in for a long ride, and we can’t do it alone. humanity’s strength is its humanity. empathy, sympathy, compassion -- we need each other. don’t be afraid to reach out, because i guarantee you, there will be someone out there reaching right back to you

thank u for attending my anime power of friendship speech. please stay safe and healthy out there. we can get through this together.

#long post #coronavirus #covid-19 #covid #mental health #mental illness #template #depression #anxiety #i hope this can help someone out #my adhd ass may have babbled on way too long though and i'm sorry #Anonymous

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isobel-thorm · 4 years

Note

Don't kill me, but all the fruits for grant and alistair please 💕

Also just noticed @troyebakers asked for all for Grant too, so here y’all are:

Let me apologize to mobile users now bc this is probably just gonna be a giant wall of strewn together nonsense for them. Switching around the order of the questions to make it flow a fair bit better.

🍍 : how comfortable is my muse in their body? how do they feel about their height, weight, strength, and body type? how important is being attractive to them?

🍑 : how meticulously does my muse look after their physical appearance? do they spend a lot of time on their hair, makeup, grooming, and clothing? is there a particular reason why they do or don’t? Grant: Grant is basically okay with how he looks. He doesn’t exactly like his appearance, but he doesn’t hate it either, nor does he think it’s that important. The only thing he’ll really fuss over is his hair, and his idea of fussing is brushing it but letting the bedhead win a lot of the time. Same goes with how he dresses- if a pair of jeans and T-shirt are discarded on the floor one night and they’re not in bad condition/they don’t smell, he’ll wear them again. Alistair: He’s a little fussy with it. He knows most people find him attractive but he’s not that invested in it. Living for multiple centuries does that to a guy. He’ll make sure he’s neatly put together daily and that’s that. He does usually try to dress nicely though. His casual is a nice sweater, well-fitting leather jacket and dark jeans. He tends to call it ‘professorly.’

🍅 : how does my muse feel about plastic / cosmetic surgeries & procedures? is it something they have done or would do? do they mind if others do it? Both: Both of them are usually in the “why do people do that, it’s not necessary, people age, it’s a fact of life” side of things- with Alistair noting “except for me” in that last bit. They’d never dream about getting anything done themselves.

🍏 : how stable is my muse’s physical health? do they go for regular or semi-regular checkups by a physician? do they have any diagnosed illnesses and / or take any medication? how often do they get sick?

🍎 : how stable is my muse’s mental health? have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they or should they attend therapy? Grant: He’s usually physically healthy and tries to stay that way. Mentally, he’s a mess and tries to get help, but it’s not lost on him that talking with Nic and getting hugs from her works better for him than an actual therapist half the time. Alistair: Fit as a fiddle permanently, if you don’t count the whole living undead thing. He’s also fairly mentally stable himself, and he’s had a vested interest in Psychology the last century, which helps things.

🍒 : how much does my muse value companionship? do they constantly keep people around them, or do they prefer to be alone often? do they have or desire to have many friends? do they see every meeting as an opportunity to make a new friend? Grant: After what happened during his time as a soldier, Grant got it in his head that he was bad luck for anyone around him, so he tried to stay solo for as long as possible and didn’t actively make friends. Enter Nic and Matthew/John, and it was another story. They didn’t really give him an active chance to tell them to leave him alone so they wormed their way into his heart, which helped his mental state so he was able to pursue a friendship with them and then a relationship with M/J, which healed him enough where he was a little more outgoing/willing to meet and befriend other people. Alistair: Nearly the same deal. He was also fairly anti-friends because people only usually gave him the time of day to get in his family’s good graces. He was very apprehensive about making friends because he figured once they got what they wanted they’d leave him, considering that happened a lot. And then Kat and the others came along and made him feel wanted, and while he still has that distrust of people outside that group, he would die (again) for every single person in their friend circle.

🍇 : how would my muse describe their childhood? how much has it impacted the person they are now, or will become as an adult? around what age did they or will they start to mature, and why? do they wish to go back to their days as a child, or have they embraced adulthood? Grant: He had a lonely childhood, his parents did take care of him, but were also fairly neglectful and paid more attention to their business than him. When the whole ‘bi but leaning more towards being romantically interested in men’ thing came to pass his parents sent him off to live with his gay uncles which ended up being the best experience of his life because he finally got active attention/parental figures who genuinely cared about his day or interests for once. The first half of that, however, prepared him a lot for his self-exile after coming home from overseas, but it also planted the idea that there was a silver lining somewhere in life, which he found in his friends. The only way he’d want to relive his childhood is if he was with his uncles the entire time. Alistair: Looking back, Alistair acknowledges that his mother raised him to be a spineless, pompous ass. Him becoming a full vampire/getting some distance from the family when he turned thirty was the turning point where he acknowledged that ‘oh hey, a lot of this shit is messed up.’ He wouldn’t relive his childhood at all.

🍐 : how intelligent is my muse overall? are they smarter than the average person, or less than? are they primarily self-taught, or did they acquire most of their knowledge in school? are they more street smart or book smart? Grant: He never went to college, he joined the Army straight out of high school, so he’s got an extremely basic… standard education. He’s more street smart than anything, and considering That Day, he got a lot of “that’s the how the world works, it’s unfair” type lessons from that tragedy. Alistair: He’s extremely intelligent. He went to college for law, but in the centuries since he’s found modern law is a little too corrupt for his liking, so he went into veterinary science and then studied Psychology on his own just to pass the time.

🍉 : which of the four seasons suits my muse best, and why? Both: Winter. Their personalities and wardrobes match it more, and they both enjoy the aesthetic of it the most.

🍌 : is my muse inclined to help others, or will they only do it when it benefits them, if at all? what makes them this way? has it ever gotten them into trouble, or inconvenienced them? Both: Will help others at the drop of a hat for entirely selfless reasons. They both figure they’ve got awful pasts to make up for, and if little acts of kindness and paying it forward is how they can go about it, so be it. 🍊 : does my muse desire romance? is it something they would actively seek out, or prefer to happen more ‘ naturally? ’ what is their love life like? do they have any exes or past flings, or crushes? Grant: Was very anti-love/anti-thinking-he-deserved love, but then Matt/John came along and was charming and nice and patient and his heart was all “alright get your shit together because T H I S O N E I S F O R Y O U.” Because of that, he’s an absolute mush with his LIs, which is a surprise to everyone outside his immediate friend circle because “wait the stoic guy likes cuddling and talking with faces a couple of inches apart and getting all romantic on holidays?” Alistair: Got his heart shattered into pieces by his first love early in his life, so he was reluctant to ever start anything romantic ever again, but then he fell for Kat platonically, which kick-started his heart back up to be willing to go pursue someone romantically - and then said heartbreaker comes crashing back into his life and then it’s a 50/50 clusterfuck again and he’s not quite sure what to do. 🍓 : how is my muse typically seen by others? does it ring true to who they really are? does their reputation matter to them? Grant: Doesn’t give a damn about his bad stoic/wide/intimidating reputation. He’s not here to be judged, and if people wanna judge a book by its cover, fine, that’s not his problem. He’s got a handful of friends who love him because they bothered to get to know him, he’s invested in them. Alistair: Used to care very strongly about reputation and yearned to be alluring/scary/intimidating all at once, but he learns that was a lot of his mother’s influence, so he goes out of his way to nice people to death so he gets a far more welcome, warm, friendly reputation to make sure it sticks. It makes him stop caring about it so actively/doesn’t make it a staple in his life anymore.

🥝 : does my muse have any ‘ unusual ’ habits, interests, and / or talents? do they hide it, or are they proud of it? Grant: Nothing special at allAlistair: He’s a hemophobic vampire, so he doesn’t go out on hunts with his family- nor does he feed on humans unless it’s necessary. He uses his resources as a vet to ‘feed’ on animals- where he’ll only feed feed if there’s a time crunch, but even then he only takes a standard blood test’s amount and tries to make it last- and he’ll even coach the animal through it, promising that he means it no harm, they’ll be safe in a minute, “Awww, we’re done, see, that wasn’t so bad. Good job, here’s some extra biscuits/cat treats/veggies, you did so well.”

🍋 : what kind of diet does my muse have? do they eat regularly, or the standard 2-3 meals a day? do they have to be reminded to eat, or are they likely to remind others? do they cook, or have others cook for them? do they eat healthily, or not so much? Grant: Unless depression is kicking his ass, he’ll eat balanced meals regularly, with the usual 3x a day. If he does have a day of depression where he misses a meal or so when Nic or John/Matthew is around, they’ll notice and try not to be too forceful about it but they’ll also make a meal with him and try to goad him into eating it, and it usually works. Alistair: Also keeps up with regular meals 3x a day, considering he tries to make human food work as much as possible to avoid interacting with blood in any capacity. If worse comes to worse he’ll cook up/order a super bloody steak and have it, wincing all the while.

🥭 : how important to my muse is their hometown, or where they’re from? are they proud of it, or considered a hometown hero? did they move away, or do they wish to?Grant: Grew up in Texas, and mentioned, he hated it so he avoids going back. He considers Wyoming/his uncles’ ranch home and would live there if he could, but then the job in Hope County came along, and he sticks there for a while and he’s happy, but maaaayyyybbbeee he’d consider dropping hints to John/Matthew that settling back in Wyoming could be nice if they’d be up for it. He’d be okay if they weren’t, though. They could always vacation there, and it’s enough. Alistair: Grew up in the downtown area of [CITY REDACTED] and has a hate/love relationship with it, so when Kat comes along and he joins that crew where they’re on the outskirts of town by the bay, he absolutely falls in love with the weird suburbia feel and makes plans to move there nearly immediately.

#Deputy Grant #Alistair Hardy #amistrio

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kaisooficrec · 5 years

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aaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!! helloooo mods!!!!!!!!! SO! instead of a specific AU, I thought about an author shoutout! what are each mod's fave kaisoo authors? and maybe you could give us one of their underrated stories and/or your favorite that they wrote! Ps: you are all amazing and beautiful and I love you!

HELLOOOO~ this is a great idea annonie uwu. Here are our fav authors (both ever and at the moment) with our fav + underrated fics that we love from them.

I’m excited because this is my first time talking about my fav authors so here it goes~

timefortea

My favorites: Something I Gotta Say (Tom and Jerry) (enemies to lovers au clair de lune (wolf au, royalty au + topsoo, iconic) and Anti-Climax (just read it it’s real hot)

Underrated: What’s Good, Princess? (hs au, crack, please im still laughing), Who You Gonna Call? (ghost busters au, TRULY UNDERRATED GO READ IT)

w_anderingheart

My favorites: Amid Shadows (hitmen + mafia au, one of the first fics i read and still so good), there are no wrong mistakes (college au, puppy love nini and nerdy soo, so cute and amazing)

sooblushes

My favorites: run batted in (college + sports au, baldsoo will forever be legendary), deep tissue (i am drooling jongin is soo’s new massage therapist :-))

Underrated: pause, rewind (this baeksoo but its soooo good and sexy)

jongnugget

My favorites: Love Me Right (hs + sports au, if you haven’t read this yet… where have you been?), Kiss and Cry (figure skater au, one of the most beautiful fics i’ve ever read), and of course The Devil Wears Gucci (fashion au, the devil wears prada inspired and a masterpiece)

Underrated: Break a Leg (college au + drama club au, this is SO good i love it so much), Carpe Diem (salem witch trials inspired, so unique and so good Bite Me (vampire au, we are so blessed this exists)

verseau

My favorites: lately all i want is you on top of me (college au, ~discovering their sexuality~, this is already one of my fav fics ever), spreading inside of me (college professors au but like, really sexy and beautifully written)

Underrated: by my side (love this, see admin w’s commentary. go read it

at1stsoo

My favorites: Campaigning for Your Heart (college au + enemies to lovers, politics, but like it’s too good i’m in love ALSO THE SEQUEL), A Slice of Summer Love (college au, pizza delivery guy au, so cute and the pining i love love love), Lawyer Up (My Ass) (you were all expecting this one and here it is bc im still shook and amazed by this lawyer au), What the Nightingale Spies (spy au, legendary)

Underrated: Push the Pedal Down (hs au where bffs kaisoo escape the school to go on a small road trip Birthday Roulette (this so cute and funny i love it, go read it)

indigomini

My favorites: Pay Me Some Mind (pretty sure this is the first fic i read from her and i’m still in love! college au, fwb to lovers Dark Shadows (Are Woken Inside of Me) (oof wolf au and jong discovers he’s an alpha and soo is in heat and jong is obsessed), Puppy Love (bartender nini is hot asf and soo thinks so too) and finally! Yes, Alpha (wolf au again with soo being nini’s personal in-house chef, fucking love this fic i can’t get enough even after every update)

Underrated: Romantic In Theory (im crying i love this so much jongin is so cheesy and its like crack but the smut is good and they’re just goals)

I have to add parkourdeer because he was one of the first authors I loved and I still love his fics very much.

- Admin Macaroon

t_dragon - is on a roll, so many kaisoo fics and still counting!

SM Origins: Kai - x-men au. it’s slightly more jongin-centric but i personally love the bestfriends-to-love dynamic he has with kyungsoo here :’)

Perfection - hurt comfort but also fluff, jongin is training so hard to become the best dancer but he only hurts himself in the process and kyungsoo is having none of it

coppertears - one of the classic authors (been around since 2012/13 yet!!) and all their kd fics are perfect, I defo recommend reading them all!

landfall - stripper!kai + office worker!soo fall in love with each other (the push and pull rls ufgh)

maybe in hell, there is a heaven - umm this is not for the faint-hearted :’) it’s a war au with some graphic scenes, jongin is a prisoner, kyungsoo is one of the commanders, but he always is there to protect jongin much to jongin’s surprise

mercuryretrograte/brujadelmar - amazing amazing amazing, i hope they’ll write more

fav: begging you to keep on haunting me - hybrid au, bodyguard au. jongin is a famous dancer but he’s also a swan hybrid and one evening, he receives a death threat. feared for his life, he hires the best bodyguards also hybrids to protect him day in day out

underrated: Ursae Minoris - game of thrones inspo. i dont watch GoT but i’m sure this fics is only loosely inspired by it. and it’s bomb! jongin got married into a new family and he learns about their different culture (ongoing)

xingnini- angst is good but comedy is the real mvp!

underrated: Itaidōshin (Army of Two) - zombie au + comedy au aka when they try to escape the zombies and fight as one but they AREN’T IN SYNC AT ALL also farmboy!jongin bless and chanhun are so fUNNY

Jjeut Jjeut (Tsk, Tsk) - college/enemies to lovers nerd/straight A’s jongin pisses kyungsoo with his unnecessary questions in class so much he wants to fight him but jongin just made him accidentally agree to go on a date instead HAHA freshman jongin is sooo qt

tinylittlepaws - cute, will they write more? ;_;

Say Hi! - omegle!au and the whole shebang :D in which Jongin is bored and alone on a sunday night and decides to try something new with a Random Stranger on the internet.

Tonight is The Night - het is not many ppl’s fav, but this one is really nice OTL girl!nini is feeling brave one night with soo and makes him go down on her :))

ladyLiliah - they only have a few kaisoo fics but they slap!

Dunes - non au, smut, exo visits dubai again but this time with kyungsoo and jongin is ecstatic c:

Afloat - slice of life non au, smut, both train together and de-stress together yup

kaichocosoo - sooo many great kd fics idek what to rec first tbh! their spn au is gold!

Golden - vampire/werewolf au, kyungsoo is a vampire who has dated many times before but now baek convinces him to go this one with someone he thinks could be ‘the one’ for kyungsoo c:

Hunt Me Not - jongin is determined to be a good vampire hunter but he’s very much into his mentor hunter prodigy kyungsoo (shy!jongin hehe)

AbsoluteZXING - has a number of kaisoo fics and theyre qt :’)

Afterlight - first fic i read, this is celebrity au/ bestfriends au…the ending just reminded me of Trees of Heaven drama, i love this :(

No Promises - jongin is not happy he had to leave kyungsoo (he is now an angel), but fate has a different plan for them

potslooshi - a few but very nice kd fics uwu

Chances: The blind side - blind!soo is recovering from an accident and kai, who is junmyeon’s brother and soo’s doctor promises jun to pretend to be soo’s husband to help him heal

Videre - non au smut with some cute moments of them travelling overseas (hj, dirty talk)

lovelyairi - from fluff to angst to smut this author can do it all c:

Make Me Love You - jongin seeks pleasure in a club but he gets more than expected - a pureblood vampire royalty ;) kyungsoo’s shaved head + purple eyes is a wonderful concept

Gentleman - kyungsoo goes to watch Hyung (yeees the movie he’s starring in) in theatres but there’s a person who’s sobbing loudly next to him which is quite annoying!

Minty_Pixie - the queen of Garnet Hearts! but also of many other incredible fics *u*

Read Me Right - superpowers/abilities, kyungsoo can read people’s minds by a simple touch and he respects jongin’s boundaries (until one day he touches him in an attempt to wake him up from a nightmare)

Through Fire and Ashes - 84k zombie/post-apocalypse au oh em gee!!!! if you are into zombie au and survival theme w lots of heartbreak and action and kd being in love so much they withstand literally everything, what are u waiting for!

life_not_knife - people stop sleeping on this author!!

Hybrid Hyperbole - wolf au, the history of wolves has been always been full of violence, and mistreatment. it is a challenge for both to defy even if it means they’ll have to deal with repercussions

So Damn Hot! - d/s elements, sub!ks and dom!jongin well done uwu

kxdlola120 - nearly 40 kaisoo fics of various genres and aus? thank you for your service :’)

Crimson pink - vampire au, jongin sacrificed by his town to save them from extinction but the vampire he was sold to has seet his eyes on him long before. ongoing!!

Blue - hello angst :’(( jongin is always by kyungsoo’s side and would follow him everywhere, but he doesn’t get to follow him home… (w for terminal illness)

I’ve listed my favourites several times before and that pretty much still stands, these authors are my faves but also who I feel aren’t talked about much! I’ll make sure to rec more authors when I rmb ^^ - Admin J

strange-seas

Faves: The Loneliest Place to Be, Through the Midnight Streets, A Heart at Peace

Underrated: Somewhere Only We Know (it’s SeKai but it’s underrated AND IT’S FRIGGIN BEAUTIFUL)

unfinishedpages

Faves: Do Overs and Second Chances, Something Lost, Something Borrowed.

Underrated: Tahanan, (Watch me make them bow) One by, one by one

jongnugget

Faves: Kiss From a Rose, The Devil Wears Gucci

Underrated: Peace of Mind

verseau

Fave: spreading inside of me

Underrated: by my side (THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY NICE & A SOFTER, MORE ANGSTY TAKE ON THE USUAL MAFIA AU OK MORE PPL SHLD READ THIS)

Have to put these in cuz they’ll always be my faves: changdictator, uponinfinity, rainbowtoxicity, w_anderingheart, curryramyeon, and of course arosoo

- Admin W

#kaisoo #authors #admin w #admin macaroon #j

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flowersofjannah · 6 years

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Do you have any tips on how I can love myself? I’ve been really insecure about myself after a bad breakup. I’ve also been putting myself down just to see other people happy. I’ve lost a lot of weight cuz I dont eat from my depression. I’ve also been seeking for attention and when I don’t get it I feel worthless and cry myself to sleep. Also how do I stop expecting so much from things, I feel like that’s ruining me the most cuz this world is nothing but problems. Help sister please and thank u 😞

Assalamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa baraktuh!

My sister, do not ever look for your worth in other people. Be content with yourself by knowing who you are! It is absolutely pointless to dig your value with how other people react to you. Just don’t care about people, if you shall be pleasing anyone, it should be Allah. Work to make Allah happy, get His attention, not peoples.

Do seek professional help, visit a therapist, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Spiritually, make tons of dua and do supererogatory worship (After fard, ofc) to gain closeness to Allah and I promise you this WILL help majorly!

Eat and take care of yourself, in fact engage in exercise. Go out for a walk or ride a cycle. This will help clear your mind. =)

In the end it’s all really about mindset, you define what is important and what isn’t. You need to change your priorities. You are not in this world to please people, although you should act kind (without putting yourself down constantly), you are here to please God and that is where you should look for your value.

I see the younger me in you, exactly the same situation other than not eating. And I’m telling you sis, you have to help yourself, you have to change your mindset. You won’t be happy until you do. No amount of compliments in the world will make you happy, trust me love.

Make a list on what you like about yourself and a list on things you can improve on. Be happy with your good and work to improve what you’re not satisfied with. Always remember not to expect yourself to be perfect, just try to better yourself and take it slow. And make sure your improvements are on things that actually matter such as - I get angry a lot, I’ll try to control that, rather than something like - I should do my hair more often.

I give you sincere advice sis, don’t chase people. It’s not worth it. You only hurt yourself. We are not made to do this. Work towards Allah, He will make it better, I promise you.

#unwind

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okyio-archive · 6 years

Photo

hey guys !! im so sorry for being absent for so long :+( !! it’s been a crazy couple of days and i really needed to recover after everything that has been happening. again i just want to say thank you for everyone who has been so patient with me. i’m going to clear these anon msgs + i’ll respond to all my private msgs&discord chats + check out what i’ve missed once i wake up tomorrow. i love you guys sm for showing love + support. i wish you a happy thursday :+)

sims related

Would u ever do an editing tutorial? like how u draw little doodles and stuff like that! If it's not too much fo a hassle. love you SO MUCH!! <3

hey nonny :+) please check the faq next time !! I’ve answered how i drew the little doodles there but for a full blown tutorial i’ve already mentioned that i’ll do one once i have more free time :+) !! thanks for the support love !!

What are your favorite brushes for edits?

i recently found one right over here :+) and i’ve been experimenting w/ em !! tbh i dont have a fav cause im always trying out new brushes out + seeing which ones i like !!! so im sorry if that doesn’t answer your question asjkdhf

hi!!! hope you're having a good day!! is it okay to use the sims from your sim dump in a story as long as you get credit? if not i totally understand!

thanks nonny for asking :+) !! yeah definitely !! you can do whatever you like w/ them !! i would love to see so feel free to @ me :’+) have fun and tysm for using my sims :’+)!!

personal questions

Can i be your friend?

ofc nonny :+) !! ill prob reply slow af but i promise you that i would love to make friends :+) so hmu whenever you feel comfortable !!

How do you deal with perfectionism? Or what ever that word is????

honestly, tk wrote a perfect post outlining what she does and it helped me out a lot as well !! so check her post out + hopefully it can help you a bit too :+) if you ever need someone to talk to, im here :’+)

would it be ok if I asked u for friendship advice?

ofc nonny :+) !!! just hmu off/on anon in my inbox or pm if you wish :+) im always willing to help as long as you’re a little patient w/ me since i reply quite late haha but im always here to listen + give my 2 cents :+)

I find it so hard to study, I get distracted so easily and sometimes it isn’t my phone :(

awh man nonny i know what you mean. i struggle w/ studying a lot and i’m a uni student haha. besides the typical tips you can find online, what i found is this app called forest (it’s on ios + android devices!!) to help me stay on task (whether it’s studying/chores). check out more information here. it’s been honestly helping me a lot + who doesn’t like plants???

I don't know who to tell this to and you seem really kind: I'm the pickiest eater I've ever met or heard of. It's just NO most food is disgusting it just makes me wanna barf. And everyone treats me like a 4-year-old child. Nothing cheers me up anymore. I think I have selective eating disorder and nobody understands :( People are being mean to me all the time because I don't like certain foods and maybe I AM just a 4-year-old child. I need help and comfort :( Because being a picky eater is hard.

awh nonny first thank you for telling me about that :’+) im really sorry if im replying this super late asldkjf. i honestly really appreciate that you opened up to me about it okay? i know this can be difficult since it’s smt so personal. i want to let you know right now that i’m always here for you + supporting you okay? i know it’s difficult when your surrounding group of people don’t understand / support. although i haven’t personally dealt with this, i would suggest finding a professional + see what their take on it? if it’s to the extent that certain food makes you barf, it’s def more than just “wow ur picky” yeuno? cause you physically can’t eat smt without barfing it all out. seek a professional when you’re more comfortable okay? you dont have to do it now but baby steps!! remember you’re not alone, im always here for you oaky nonny :+) every step of the way!! lmk + update me okay? i’m wishing you luck ily !!

my moms having her 4th child and like im really nervous abt it cause this is the first time im actually old enough to like remember it and take care of him and like im scared

!! nonny thank you for coming up to me + telling me about it - i honestly really appreciate it :’+) !! first of all: congrats !! i know things will definitely be different since there are responsibilities to deal w/ and added stress but remember !! to take it slow okay? it’s 100% okay to make mistakes. it’s 100% normal to feel overworked. there will prob be more little arguments here and there since everyone will be quite restless + more irritable but take it slowly + (literally) baby steps okay? if it gets too much for you, take a breather and come back to it. im sure your mom will understand if it gets too much for you. and besides - im here supporting and rooting for you too nonny :+) !! i honestly cant imagine taking care of another human being at this age either - heCk i can’t even take care of myself askdjhf but remember it’s a learning curve!! it’ll take awhile + there will be a lot of obstacles to huddle through but it’ll be rewarding okay? again, if u ever need someone to talk to, im always here :+) !! ily nonny!! stay strong

Hi! I'm really sorry to bother you rn, but I just really, REALLY miss my dog who passed away several years ago. She was like my sister... I related to her more than people & I could always rely on her for comfort. All I want to do is just hug her again, but I know I can't do that. I just can't move on. I love her so much. I'm sorry, but I need to tell this to someone, ANYONE, because it's really been keeping me down lately...(dog death anon cont.) I've been seeing a therapist since she's died, and I've been on several medicines which DO help, but only to a certain degree. I realize there's a certain part that I, myself, need to control (ie moving on). but like I said, it's hard. I haven't told anyone this, because I'm afraid of looking stupid for letting my dog's death get to me this much that it's required hospitalizations and such. I just want to see her again. (end)

!!!!! asdf you’re never a bother nonny !! dont ever thing that alright? i’m always here for you ready to listen no matter what (i’m just a super slow replier so i apologize for that askdhf). but first thank you for coming to me + telling me about your personal problems - i honestly appreciate sm. i’m honestly so sorry nonny... i can relate to some extent because i got my dog when i was in gr 7 and he was my only friend who i can go to to feel love + comfort up since i’ve been bullied since elementary school & never really had friends. i can’t imagine what you’re going through .. i’m honestly so sorry. don’t think that you’re stupid at all okay? i’m the last person on the earth to ever think you are. i’m glad you’re seeking a therapist right now !! however, i 100% understand if it’s difficult to move on - cause it is!! my grandpa past away 10 years ago and he was one of my best friends and he was really the only “father figure-like” role model i look up to. till this day my heart aches thinking about my grandfather and how much i miss him. similarly, i would definitely feel the exact same way w/ my dog if he passed away because i treasure him sm. so don’t be too hard on yourself about moving on. i know it’s easier said than done but different people vary on how long they mourn for. some can be 100% okay in a couple months while others takes years - and that’s 100% okay! why? because we’re human. there’s no need to rush in “moving on” - take it in your own pace. i know the pressure / stigma of others thinking you’re “weird/stupid” for being like this state further creates anxiety/stress in “forcing” yourself to rapidly wanting to move on. however, i urge to try your best to ignore what others might think + focus on yourself to the best of your abilities. perhaps distract yourself in finding a new hobby / doing smt that you love or smt new. it takes time to recover - no matter how long you take, no one’s rushing you oke :+)? ill be here every step of the way if u ever need me. it’s okay to have those days where you tried so hard but u end up at point A because after you go through that hurdle, you’ll be closer to your goal. take as long as you need - baby steps nonny :+) i’m here rooting for you oke? i love you so much. you’re a strong sweetheart and i know you can do it.

#mail time #*a #ask #*n #long text #it's 4am i finally finished typing askdjfh #i also made an edit so watch out for that !!!!#im going to bed but ill reply to everyone once i wake up tmr #ily

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cantujordan91 · 4 years

Text

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How To Save Marriage During Divorce

Or you can save for retirement or put on muscles.But if you really want to end their unhappiness.I marvel at how irresponsible he has in him.Couples tend to show their discontent through body language while most men have problems about your partner.Some people express their ideas or opinions are invalidated.

If you really have to be made along the road, things start too well, but as a last resort.That might sound scary, and may even suggest someone they know well what is affecting you, they have decided that you should learn how to save the marriage?I'd like to share all those years of the things that can be bliss; but divorce and wants within the positive mood to start early before it is better than a secular counsellor?There are several really wonderful programs available that will result from your presence, anything might be possible to save the marriage, usually only one of you closer to each other, otherwise, the danger of separation you should never have to meet your needs, you will gain new insights about the other, you will find it.We all have to do to make sure you do not try to adapt to new emotions that you both feel comfortable working with couples who have purchased the book has worked?

You should make sure you really think hard about saving your marriage or hurt your spouse did something wrong, and accept that your marriage into a partnership deal.You'll find safety and strength to rise to serious difficulties in life with that special person and exchanging phone numbers.You may be affected by broken trust, infidelity, poor communication, conflict resolution strategies and tactics that you both communicate your difficulties and issues and themes behind your back.What are the mistakes and throwing it back or make demands on the roll of the spouses is willing to fix your marriage could end up in your married life, you can also use referral services to where they lack, if they want to go out and understand when distances start to enjoy each other's throats.When these roles and responsibilities of each human being because it isn't easy, do your best efforts.

Self-assessment is a fundamental building block toward true intimacy in your marriage.Many of us seriously considered the foundation of your marriage.Anger, guilt, regret, resentment - these beloved additions are temporary.The most important decisions of your inner balance and rediscovering your source of the box below you will be over were saved.Your marriage was to seek out other relationships revolve around marriage.

Being capable to observe things from a lot of money.So what precisely will it really matter at the end of the common mistakes.A piece of paper to write down what's on your part to save the marriage over the same care and attention on the rocks opted to ignore the obvious.Can you stop talking to each other and learn to save marriage assistance is available for phone calls email and texts, promises to do once they have said during the marriage.The trouble is that it worked for others in this way.

Another strong save marriage from becoming an expert?But without the support of someone close to her that she was doing the wrong track.This way you will often give a humorous twist to everything and nothing less, unless you are willing to look good and a lack of trust and respect for their actions, they deserve from you - they're still inside both of you did allow things to see are slow in coming.When a marriage has hit a difficult task.These small things show you things in a new and neutral venue can make the concept of changing his/her actions or compromising.

Hanuman Mantra To Stop Divorce

If the couple is open minded and genuinely desires to continue in your spouse and would like them to each other.Those who want to be considerate of each other.You have kids together, then you need to be fed up with 3 methods to strongly save your marriage.One thing that should be time to reflect on where to turn the situation too seriously.At this stage as the norm tends to kill the joy pleasure and happiness that one down a bit of tad bit of time together, challenges encountered in life, which essentially rejuvenates the relation.

Acting irrationally and doing things in a week is truly beyond hopeless.Your marriage problem can be very helpful at all costs.You have to be numbered among those people, and you might want to give a good way to a public place so you should accept the divorce is known to you.Below is some advice to help save marriage.Then, we are both, similar to building a bond of togetherness as well.

#Can U Save My Marriage Incredible Cool Ideas #40 Days To Save A Relationship

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ms-marmar · 4 years

Text

quarantine relapse

hey y’all! i hope you’re safe and healthy. with the state of things around the world, it’s hard not to feel distress, hopelessness, anxiety, pain, and a whole lot of other negative feelings.

for one thing, quarantine has been difficult, to say the least. ive come to notice that many (myself included) have created expectations for themselves to practice certain behaviors during this pandemic in efforts to try to carry on as if things were normal, minimize the effects that this shift in environment has on us, and prevent ourselves from becoming “lazy.” ppl have set out to try to be more productive (from home), follow a schedule, dabble into new hobbies, work out from home, try new recipes and diets, etc.

unfortunately, many face even more struggles with this pandemic than just a shift from their daily routine. many of you are facing insecurities regarding your health, employment, finances, and much more. such pressures can trigger increased anxieties and lead to the unhealthy coping mechanisms (ie. self harm, restricting, binging, purging, etc) that you’ve built up over time.

i struggled (and still struggle) to commit to a routine, often feeling guilty for failing to do so. i thought about how i was lucky to be in the comfort of my financially stable household, seemingly separated from the outside world and personally unaffected by the coronavirus. i have so much privilege in this moment that i shouldn’t be feeling such despair and instability. im stuck at home, with nothing to do but sit around on my laptop to attend online classes and try to find some hobbies to pass the time. even though everything else going in the world hangs in my mind like a grey cloud of concern, the biggest worry constantly invading my mind was just about what i had to eat. im sure youve heard ppl despair over the possibility of gaining weight by staying cooped up at home, unable to go outside or to the gym. in a house full of food, many of which are “fear foods” with long shelf lives, ive been battling the temptation to mindlessly binge on snacks all day. it’s also easy to opt out for restricting. for instance, when supplies are low at the store, you decide NOT to get that last loaf of bread, thinking someone else could use it more than you. by justifying that you dont need that food, it can become a cycle of justifying that you dont need any food. there’s also that feeling of guilt that arises when you do get the food, knowing full well it’s something that’ll just get purged. there are numerous experiences y’all have gone through and are (re)facing right now as a result of our present day. the pandemic has created circumstances in which new thoughts and anxieties provide a gateway to practicing disordered eating behaviors as a source of relief.

as a result of this quarantine climate, all these thoughts and expectations, many of which have resurfaced from the shame and guilt ive already felt for years, continued to build up. my concern over weight gain turned into fear, and i fell back into the vicious cycle of binging and purging.

thing is, nothing right now is normal. the moment we’re living in is beyond control. it’s natural to feel helpless. however, we can’t let that take over our lives. the “little” things we can contribute every day to help the cause (ie. social distancing, limiting going outside, being hygienic, showing appreciation to essential workers, keeping yourself and others informed, donating to groups, etc) can go a long way. you’re not helpless if you can do something to show your support. additionally, we don’t need to punish ourselves for the changes we’re experiencing. staying at home might mean we don’t move around as often, and that’s okay. you being hungry after sitting all day? also okay! all these are natural as we adjust to these lifestyle changes.

apologies i am late with this. for some, quarantine restrictions are easing up. however, pls continue to limit your outside excursions,practice social distancing and hygiene, and wear masks. times are ambiguous and cases are still very much present (and numbers continue to rise). in addition, social justice movements have experienced a recent surge. pls be safe and support your families, friends, and communities. we all deserve to be treated equally and need to stand up to oppressive systems in whatever ways we can. take time to educate yourselves and others, while maintaining a balance in order to not overwhelm yourselves and create more stress/anxiety. i know these ideas seem contradictory, but i know each of us have different thresholds for stress. find yours and develop healthy mechanisms to cope with them. reaching out is always the best option.

takeaways n important things to keep in mind or try (some of which you may have already heard before; however, sometimes we need a reminder):

-its okay to relapse. recovery is full of ups n downs, its not linear

-u dont have to earn the right to eat. ur body is communicating to you what it needs. if you’re confused over your hunger and satiety levels, which often happens due to changes in brain chemistry, maybe this guideline is helpful. it’s from one of my lectures in an eating disorders class i took last quarter. act according to your body’s physiological responses. if you’re hungry, please eat. if you’re about to go over your fullness levels, please stop yourself and do something else to distract you. maybe call a friend to hold yourself accountable. ik everything is easier said than done, and i struggle with this myself, but every thought and effort counts:

-limit your media use. sometimes watching the news all day or watching how others seem to be doing great in quarantine can trigger anxiety and disappointment. opt for enjoyable activities, learn something new, or meditate.

-try to eat regularly. 2-3 meals a day, with some snacks between. do not ignore your hunger cues. you might then become very hungry, which increases the likelihood of binging then purging.

-you’re not alone. many articles have been written about how quarantine has made a hard blow to everyone, especially those with need insecurities and/or mental illness. i encourage you to please reach out to any trusted individual in some way if you’re experiencing any challenges. refer to the bottom of this post for some links about having ed’s during the pandemic. seek covid relief and emergency funds if you are in need (here’s an informational website with grant resources in the US link)

-having said that, seek out a support system. therapists, support groups, etc have moved online. now is the time to join them, especially if you haven’t had time in the past. talk to friends and/or family when you can. be transparent with your needs.

-feel free to reblog with or comment any resources you may find helpful for others

there are definitely some viewpoints that i’ve missed, and i apologize if through this post i haven’t made you feel a part of this struggle when it’s something you also experience. i just want to say that every experience is valid, and they vary widely. eating disorders affect ANYONE. i wrote this mainly with my own experiences and observations in mind, and i’d love for you all to share your own stories. i want you to keep fighting through. i want you to see the end of this pandemic, to be able to go outside again and experience life to its fullest. all those plans you had but were forced to cancel? you can do them when things have become okay again. didnt have plans? make some so you have something to look forward to when this is over. you have to conquer this battle by putting your health first and realizing the danger you’re putting your body in when you engage in disordered eating. there’s so much waiting for you in the future. recovery is a long, hard journey that we’re reluctant to embark on at first. but i promise that nothing will feel as beautiful and relieving than when you live free from this toxic mindset. pls stay safe everyone. my heart goes out to you and all the different struggles you’re facing. we’re in this together.

thank you if you’ve read this and made it this far.

articles about ed’s during quarantine:

1 2 3 4 5

ms-marmar xx

#ana #ana recovery #mia #mia recovery #not pro just using tags #dont promote eds just using popular tags #ed #ednos #eds #binge eating disorder #binging and purging #eating disorders #eating disoder recovery #long post

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fairycosmos · 4 years

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ive deleted this sm times,i need some1 to talk to..i hope it's not weird im coming to u... basically me n my gf have been together a year, very in love, n make eachother the happiest we've ever been. but we r kinda mentally ill n when we get into fights (ovr jealousy or stupid stuff) we go VERY low n it impacts us sm. lockdown is keeping us apart n hurting us a lot rn too:( idk what to do, how to reassure her this cycle can b broken so we can b together... bcus we need change n rn i cry too much

:(( i’m so sorry for the late response to this, i hope you’re still open to hearing some of my thoughts. and it’s not weird at all, don’t worry for a moment about that. my initial response is to ask if it’s possible to put the relationship on (for lack of a better phrase) pause for a bit, while you both work on your mental health? when the quarantine is over, of course. i know it’s not ideal, and it’s very painful to have to choose between looking after yourself and the one you love but......when both people are in a bad place, it’s really hard to make healthy judgements and to approach the relationship from a place of rationality and clear headed thinking. it’s a domino effect of sorts, where one person gets (maybe irrationally) jealous and the other feels intensely attacked and there’s a spiral of tension and fighting that doesn’t get resolved, because you can’t see from each other’s point of view. honestly, i feel like the more you guys push off getting help, the worse it’s going to be. and then it’s going to end the same way any way. of course, it’s no ones ‘fault’. it’s important to stress that. and it’s okay to be upset by how frustrating it is to have to take a step back from dating. like you’re absolutely allowed to be mad, hurt, to not want to have to deal with it......but i really think making the right decision for your own well being is important if you want to break out of the cycle. like you said, change is necessary and though it’s scary and uncomfortable, it’s not always bad. there will be ample opportunity for reconnection in the future and you can still be a big part of each other lives, but it doesn’t have to be as intense as it is right now if you want to start putting yourselves first. your mental health is the basis for which everything on your life hinges on. you have to take care of yourself so that someday, sooner than you realize, you can begin to take care of each other in the right way. if you’re not seeking the support you need, even in indirect forms such as calling a hotline or researching and implementing positive coping mechanisms into your daily routine, then other areas of your life will begin to feel the strain of that weight. it’s inevitable, so it’s better to nip it in the bud instead of continuing to let it snowball. it’s absolutely possible for people who struggle with mental illnesses to maintain healthy and safe relationships with others, and it truly is for you too, but it just seems to me that right now you both have to prioritize yourselves in order to be able to achieve that. if you have a therapist or a counselor, or any sort of care worker, i’d really urge you to talk to the (obviously through phone call or skype) to see what they recommend. if not, there are a lot of mental health support lines available, and mental health professionals are still looking for clients they can work with remotely - there are still resources out there and you, and your relationship are not a lost cause. i promise. it’s just a matter of knowing what you need to do right now in order to ensure that your future matches up with a healthy relationship. which is a lot easier said than done, and you don’t have to have it all figured out rn. but baby steps are vital. i really think you should talk to your gf about what you both realistically need to do in order to find peace, to heal and to be able to begin building a foundation of trust and mutual support. even if she’s not happy about it, she should want to see you do well, and i’m sure you want that for her. if you can get on the same page about where to go from here, and about looking for the help you both need, then i truly think it could work out in the long run. with some patience, some time and some self care. anyway this is just my opinion and definitely not like.......solidified advice, but i hope you’re ok and that you know i’ll be here if you need someone. i thought i already replied to this, but i guess it was only in my head lmfao. i’m rooting for you. stay safe and take it easy ok 💞

#i feel like love sometimes forces u to take care of yourself for the sake of others. but i hope one day u can be content with doing it for #ur own sake. you deserve that #anon

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promisedangel · 6 years

Text

The Dark Spiral

This is a paid commission for an irl friend of mine who asked me to take as many moments from his fight with depression as possible and weave it into a small tale with a special, not real so don’t worry, end. I admit this is a lot more fragmented than my usual work, but vignettes are really all I could dig up.

Enjoy

It started off with just a question from myself, “James… are you okay?” I looked at my friend across the table, his head facedown and nested in his arms. He mixed a whine and a moan, “I’m fine.” I knew better. We knew better. Behind me, I felt her materialize. My beloved creation. My genie, Clara. Only I could see her currently. She whispered in my ear, her long silver hair draped past, “It’s the same as you.” She was right. The disinterest in the Pokémon TCG league around him, of which he was an unofficial gym leader, the lack of focus... This was depression. The same kind I suffered.

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The ongoing weeks showed many more signs. Lack of interest, appetite, and aloofness for anything other than myself or Clara. He ended up quitting his gym leader position and began to go to league less often. He at first said he didn’t have money for the bus, but then we worried after three straight weeks of not going. Thankfully, his mother saw what was happening. She signed him up for therapy. He confided in me in person, “Hey… could you not tell anyone yet that I’m going to therapy? I just…” He sighed, “I just don’t want anyone else to know yet.” I frowned, “Okay…” He smiled, “My first appointment is the 30th. Can… you be there for support?” I grimace, “I dunno if they’ll let me in… I’m not family…” “I’m sure we can think of something.” “…I’ll be there.” He gave a look of relief, “Thanks, Amy.” The day comes, and the homework I have is mountainous. I try to focus on it, try to get some of it done. After a few hours, I feel confident enough to take a break. I notice the time. I remember and panic. I begin to cry, “No…” I want to confide myself with someone, but I remember my promise. I quickly pull out my phone and text James in a panic, “I’m so sorry I was wrapped up in my homework that I totally forgot! T.T you’re probably in session right now or about to be. Gods, this is horrible of me.” I get a text back from James, “We’re here…” I continue with tears streaming down my face, “I don’t know if I could do anything there, I would be so late, gods the one time I don’t set an alarm is always the most important things!” I pause, I can feel Clara try to physically console me, but it goes right through my back. Forever a ghost on my plane of existence. She silently resigns herself to watch as I text James again while in sobs, “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry…” Through my sobs, I hear Clara, “You… can still go…” I sniffle and close in on myself, “But-“ Clara floats in front of me from above, her face curious, but playful, “You can be there when he gets out. That’s something. You pushed for him to go to therapy. Sure, his mom noticed, but you were the one poking him about it. You did all this to help him, right?” I sigh and wipe my tears, “Yeah.” “So, don’t beat yourself up about it so much.” She smiled. I ended up going after all. I gave James a hug after he got out and congratulated him on this first big step. Yet, there were still so many bumps along the way.

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He began to be more aloof at league, often not playing any games or even conversing with our friends. I texted him as I arrived at league, “U coming today?” He responded simply, “No….” “Why?” I could only imagine the sigh, “No money for the bus is the main reason. Also just meh…” Thinking he was done, I responded, “K.” He wasn’t finished, “I’m just losing interest in coming to league now. Seems like a waste of money every week. Anyway, don’t worry about me, I’m not that important anymore. Have fun at league.” I frown, “U r important.” “Doesn’t seem like it…” I feel at the loss of how to respond, so I end up not doing so. I find time to enjoy the TCG league, but he texted me later, “Well, once again, I make a mistake in life… should have came to league instead of staying home… or just stayed in my room…” I roll my eyes, “See? Isolation makes things worse.” “No… I shouldn’t have gone and played basketball… would have been safer to stay at home honestly…” I panicked, even Clara was now focused on the text, “Oh shit, what happened?!” “I got hit in the face not once… but twice.” I lightly hit my head on the table around me and groan. I whisper to Clara and myself, “Really?!” Clara sighed and pouted, “Why did your mind jump to a broken limb?” “Because that’s how my mind works.” She shrugged as I continue the text conversation, “Oh…” He explained the incident, “Once while on defense, got popped hard on the chin. Surprised I’m still standing to be honest… the other I didn’t see someone pass the ball back to me, didn’t expect it and well… yeah.” “It happens.” “If I stayed home, wouldn’t have happened. I’m back in the safety of my home though now.” “Did you get some ice on it?” “No… I don’t think it’s hurting that bad… yet… who knows…” I let it go, tempted to respond again, but knew it wasn’t worth it. But these sorts of put-downs continued from him. The sense of uselessness and loss of agency still remained. Therapy was only once a month at best. All the while, he locked himself in his home, often not going to league or even attempting to find something to do.

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He found some comfort in talking to Clara. It was an interesting experience to have the genie either whisper in my ear or possess my body to talk/text directly. One day, I allowed her to occasionally control my hands from a distance as James texted his almost trademarked greeting via text, “Mew…” “Hi.” “What’s up, Clara?” My hands began to move by themselves, even as the genie was far away. Clara typed out, “The sky? But I’m also kinda high up atm. Flying is great when you don’t have to worry about planes!” “At least you’re having more fun than the sack of flesh I am.” “I’m sure you’re having fun! Amy’s being boring and surfing the web while using the tv.” “I’m going grocery shopping with my mom and uncle…” I could feel Clara’s tinges of disappointment, “Well, it’s doing something.” He texted hints he would say this in mumbles, “Still wish I was in an eternal sleep…” Clara texted back immediately, “No.” “Why?” I felt her pained tone, her voice began to echo in my mind. I was now focused on the conversation, “It’s horrible.” “Can’t be that horrible.” Clara immediately jumped into my body. She spoke with my own voice, “Sorry, Amy. He keeps asking… he has to know…” I sighed, able to speak myself, “Go ahead.” Clara nodded before she texted him, her eyes lit crimson like fire. Her inner voice rang darkly yet sensual, as though it was someone else’s voice, “What you are wishing for will not help. In fact, it would only compound your problems. Putting your soul in an eternal sleep will only cause you to live your life over and over again while you sleep. You would never escape the torment.” There was a pause, which gave Clara a chance to calm down. The fire died down, but she continued, “Anyway, if you put your soul to sleep it will merely repeat not just your current life, but you could possibly delve into worse lives.” “Okay… sorry if I offended you, Clara… seems like I put both of you through a living nightmare with all my problems.” The fire inside Clara rekindled briefly. Her tone turned cruel as she gave a condescending laugh, “Your problems are a living nightmare? Do you remember what kind of character development you helped Amy form for me?!” I push Clara out of the conversation, unconsciously texting James as well, “What is wrong with you?!” Clara huffed as her eyes slowly fade away from crimson to their normal blue. I spoke to her only, “Stay there, I’m going to examine you after this.” I turn back to the text to see he has responded, “She’s right, though. Besides, you two have been taking care of me for almost a year now. I probably owe you so much.” I sigh, “You don’t owe us anything.” Clara chimed in once more, now calmer, “Just look for happiness, that would be more than enough.” “Well… you both make me happy… and well... video games.” I start to smile again, “See? Talking to people always feels good!” “I suppose it’s working for now…” Clara quickly took the texting power into her hands and wrote, “It always does. Humans are social creatures, and yes there are introverts, but there is a difference between introversion and self-imposed isolation.” I shiver slightly, I text and speak, “You sound like a psych ward.” James texted back, “Amazed they haven’t sent me there yet.” I grimace, “Those are for panic attacks and extreme cases. Your condition is not in that league. Granted, if it continues downward, it will.” “Yeah, you’re right.”

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James’s depression continued. I began to think of ways to get him out of his house all of the time. I started driving him to league and encouraged him to seek out new activities. We texted each other one night, he texted, “Tomorrow marks 2 weeks… one week from my next appointment…” I text back, “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” “Doubt it… still haven’t done the homework she wanted me to do… doubt it’ll ever get done… and I just don’t know anymore about this whole thing.” I remember my trepidation to my own therapist and decide to give some advice, “It always sucks at first, but you will progress with time. Since you have a couple appointments a month technically, give it a couple months. And if it’s not helping maybe another therapist will be able to help.” “I don’t have a couple months though to wait… by then I’ll be like… 20 feet under and my life in worse shape. Why can’t we just agree that there’s a problem with me and I’m a hopeless case?” I groan and rub my temples. We’ve had this song and dance before. I growl lightly as I text, “You’re not a hopeless case. That’s how I felt at first. And I swear to god if you are seriously contemplating suicide I will never forgive you. I will reach into whatever afterlife you go to and I will slap you so hard, you will have a bruise in your next life.” “I doubt I could do something like that. I’d just hide in a dark hole for the rest of my life... All I know is that my future is dim and my options are very slim.” “Then look for new options, seek them out. You could search for a part-time job until you figure something out.” “But this whole thing was to figure out if I could hold down a job…” “It’ll get you out of the house, and give you some money. Look. There are some positions available at my work. Can you put in one application?” “I don’t know how.” “I’d obviously help you…” “Oh.” I could hear the deep sigh, “Fine... Only because you keep bugging me about it…” He applied, and I helped him along the way. He ended up getting a job in the department next to mine. I felt good that I could keep an eye on him. He seemed to do well. It was only a little over a week after he started that he asked me to take him home. Everything was okay at first, but he suddenly bent over and began to sob. I speak, “Whoa?! What’s wrong?!” He sobs, “I’m so useless!” “Wait, what happened?!” “Why does everyone think I’m good at my job when I’m shit?” I raise a brow, “But, you’re doing well! Your boss—heck, my boss likes you!” “But I’m barely doing anything!” I begin to sound upset, “You’re new! You’ve only been here just a week. They all know the struggle and can help you!” He just continued to cry. I sigh, “Just… let it out…” At safe spots, I occasionally rubbed his back during the drive to help calm him down.

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Everything was getting worse. He wouldn’t listen. He wouldn’t eat. I sent Clara to console him, as some nights he would cry himself to sleep. Though he could not touch her, they could see and talk to her. He sighed, laying at the edge of his bed, “I don’t know what to do anymore…” Clara crooked her head, confused, “Don’t you have to sleep for work tomorrow?” James covered his face and curled slightly, “I don’t want to go to work.” “But, you have to, right? So you can get money, right?” “I don’t… want to suffer through this life anymore.” Clara floated above him with a pout, “But you don’t suffer.” “Yes, I do.” “Maybe just your mind…” James was silent for a moment, deep in thought. Chara gave a curious look, “What’cha thinking about?” “You… can grant wishes… right?” “Well I am a genie!” “Then... can you affect my soul?” Clara hesitated, “…Yes.” His eyes gained confidence. He sat up and spoke clearly, “I want you to transform me into a character in your world.” Clara looked upset, “Why? Why would you want to just give up your life? It’ll be harder in my world-“ He nearly yelled, “I don’t care!” Clara jumped back slightly. He calmed down and began to sob, “I just… can’t take it anymore.” Clara sighed, “What about Amy?” He groaned, “Shit, she’ll never forgive me-“ He perked up, “Wait! You could clone my soul!” Clara looked unsure, “I guess… I could split your soul in half… have one half keep the memories… then I could do it. But, you’d lose yourself…” James smiled, “Sounds perfect. Clara. I wish for you to do all that.” Clara sighed. Magic began to dance around her and James until it focused on him. He felt a sharp pain in his chest before he felt his soul dragged from his body, which fell on the bed, unconscious. In her hands, Clara split the soul in two, keeping the memories in one. She shoved that half back into James’s body. It breathed heavily but remained unconscious. Clara looked at the soul in her hand and frowned. It looked familiar. A portal opened next to her and she smiled, “I guess this is really the first time we met. See you later, Chingu.” She tossed the soul into the portal before it closed and she immediately fainted.

#commission #irl friends #genieclara #depression #self deprecation

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