#i rarely have this hard a line and i am angry

[goldkirk]

.

#I am struggling so hard to pinpoint where the lines are in discussions of situations like the franke and hildebrandt behaviors #because like ok #people keep being so outraged and angry and baffled that they viewed the kids as #deliberately willful and disobedient #and then transitioned into believing them to be infected with evil and or influenced or possessed by demons or under satanic influence #and that’s where everyone is like HOW COULD THEY THINK THIS HOW COULD THEY TELL THEM THAT HOW COULD THEY ETC ETC #and that’s where everyone loses me #like yeah. of course it’s wrong. of course it’s damaging and shitty. but like. what in the world is everyone so shocked and upset by #about that concept (not the physical abuse it caused obviously) #how are you shocked. how are you shocked? it’s just the logical conclusion of believing children have disobedient evil wills #like if you assume evil you’re only going to escalate from there. OBVIOUSLY #I don’t understand how it’s different #where do things cross these lines? no one explains that to me #normal life as usual while tons of kids including me spend years or decades believing we’re evil and under stubborn satanic influence #but in one of the rare situations where it rises to public awareness suddenly everyone is shitting bricks over it #I want those kids drowned in love forever and I wish it never happened to them and their situation #was definitely so so so extreme and severe and I am so glad R was so brave and desperate and got them out #but like. how is everyone so shocked #this is standard. this is common. there’s a huge subculture of people doing and believing this shit #like why is it different just because this case is so visible #so like how is it so hard for people to grasp that this is a widespread issue #I don’t understand #of COURSE it’s wrong to do to someone but like #so many parents and adults do so many of the things these two did just less #fewer hours. less intensely. not in a desert. not with handcuffs and shit. etc. #where’s the line legally? where’s the line culturally? #like how am I supposed to grasp that it’s not a problem until it’s at some level that #I know it’s all Bad but I mean in terms of when the populace starts to mass-care

[catnippackets]

disclaimer: as a sex-repulsed aroace person myself--

on one hand, there is definitely a bit of a double standard when it comes to handling canonically queer characters like, from what I've seen in the circles that I frequent (if you've had different experiences then great but I'm just telling it how I see it). for example, you're morally reprehensible if you ship a canon lesbian with a man or refer to a canon bi character as a lesbian. people will be so angry with you. and it's understandable, since there's so little queer rep in comparison to cishet rep that when there IS a rare actual queer character, the unofficial rule is "don't take that away from them when you add more headcanons to them". like, respect that this one is REAL and NOT just a headcanon. I think it makes perfect sense to feel upset when people take that away, even if it is just fiction and not even canon to the original source. and yet, whenever there exists a canon asexual character suddenly it's all "oh well asexual people can still have sex so it's fine if we headcanon THIS canon sexuality as something different". it makes me feel so genuinely heartache-y and depressed to see ppl ignoring that aspect of a character.

and by "canon" I'm also including characters that were never specifically referred to with a label but are very obviously coded as something, because those characters will still get the "even if it's not stated it's pretty obvious!!" treatment when it comes to showing attraction to the same gender, but not when they DON'T show attraction to any gender. like aro and/or ace coding just doesn't count. I understand that it's kind of hard to represent an absence of something, especially when you're only implying it and not even directly showing it, but it's not impossible. there's a lot of characters that you could argue are aroace coded the same way you could argue a character is gay coded. obviously to a degree every queer identity gets disrespected in fandom and it's something you just kinda have to deal with, but it's easier to notice when it's something you personally relate to. I don't think it would bother me as much if we didn't have that unofficial "respect the canon" rule and everyone just went wild with whatever, but the double standard does genuinely hurt me, especially when I see people I thought were cool about this stuff participating in it. so whenever I see someone fiercely defending an asexual character it really makes me feel good, like I'M being defended, not a random fictional character that I might not even recognize the name of. I feel safe, like that person will respect ME.

THAT BEING SAID,

AS a sex-repulsed aroace person who enjoys thinking about the entire spectrum of intimacy and where a character may fall exactly on that spectrum, ALSO as a person who is aware that "asexual" simply means "does not experience sexual attraction" and not necessarily "is violently repulsed by anything sexual", sometimes I DO want to play out scenarios for my own enjoyment. sometimes I DO want to think hm I wonder where this ace character's line is, compared to a different ace character. I wonder if there is anyone who would be an exception for them, and how they could go about dealing with that exception. I wonder if they're favourable, neutral, or repulsed. if those aspects of their character aren't explicitly stated then what's to stop me from playing around with them and working through my own issues in a controlled and non-canon environment? if they have the same identity as me, I am way more likely to want to play around with them like a doll and perhaps play out scenarios that I might have thought about before but don't actually want to do for real. I'm not taking away their identity, after all; I'm just, in this scenario, imagining this ace character as an ace that might have sex on at least one occasion for whatever reason. either just to try it, or because they do have someone they'd make an exception for, or if they got bored enough, whatever the reason. it isn't quite disrespecting their truth unless it's explicitly stated either in canon or by word of god that it's something they're uncomfortable with. and to be honest, if I see another asexual creator headcanoning a character as somewhere on the asexual spectrum and depicting them in sexual situations, it makes me almost happy, to know that they're still acknowledging that character's canon identity and accepting and exploring the nuance that could come with it, even if I personally believe that this specific character would be repulsed instead of neutral or favourable. there's this understanding of "I'm doing a character study exploration thing", and not "I don't care I just wanna sexualize this character"

but I literally feel GUILTY when I want to write what is essentially a thinkpiece disguised as a fanfiction or original story on asexuality and take an asexual character (canon or coded) and involve them in sexual situations to explore different avenues of the spectrum. I feel like I'm betraying everyone who's like me and is frustrated with how aroace characters are treated within fandom. I'm like "am I being just as bad as those other people who will disrespect a character's canon sexuality just because they think that character is hot and want to ship them with someone? do they do the same thing with other types of queer characters? how does this reflect that person's view of people, if they're explicitly told someone feels a certain way and decides to ignore it for their own amusement? or is it just because they're fictional and not real people and I'm being really sensitive and thinking way too much into it? am I not doing the exact same thing? do I have more credence to explore scenarios like this because I am aroace and sex-repulsed myself and therefore have a pass to do whatever I want and it won't come off as a little weird the way it might if someone who's allosexual did it?"

and these two opinions are at war in my mind constantly. like both of them can and do co-exist but I still struggle to accept that lol

#ramblings #asexuality #I almost kinda wanna make a video on this bc I feel like just writing does not even explain what I'm trying to say

[heesdreamer]

ONE HUNDRED AND ONE

PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader

SUMMARY ➩ returning back home from a failed year at college, you’re reunited with your little brothers best friend who always had a crush on you. this definitely hasn’t changed, but he sure has.

WARNINGS ➩ smut (rough at times), reader is jungwon’s older sister and there is a small age gap. enha have been aged down for the sake of being in similar grades (maknae line are all 17, 02z are all 18, heeseung is 20 and reader is 22)

WC ➩ 19k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ not proofread of course lol and written at 5 am.. you know the drill by now. normally writing smut ruins the story for me but i think its fitting and a good choice here! let me know your thoughts NO PART 2 but feel free to ask any questions u found unanswered

When you found out you were going to be a big sister, you thought your entire world was going to end.

You’d spent the earliest years of your life listening to your friends complain about their younger siblings, cry when they had to share toys or their parents attention. So when your mother sat you down and explained that there was a baby in her belly, you were more than prepared to stand your ground and let the new enemies arrival know who was number one around here.

Five years old, you were stood in the hospitals waiting room with a pout on your face and your arms crossed in irritation, spending the morning listening to relatives gush about the babies arrival and waiting to see your mother after labor.

The anger stayed in your expression the entire walk down the hospital wings hallway, remaining strong as you crossed into your mothers room and not even faltering when she gave you a soft tired smile. You approached the bed, prepared to see the creature that was going to cause you a lifetime of pain and suffering.

And then he started to cry.

The thing about your friends younger siblings is; they simply were not Yang Jungwon. After the baby had come home and you continued to watch him grow and learn how to communicate, you waited for that angry and betrayed feeling to return like your peers had sworn it would, but it never arrived.

Jungwon was the absolute perfect little brother and you quickly adored him, following him around as he waddled throughout the house and giving him your toys to chew on whenever his little round head piqued up in interest. He rarely fussed, eating heavy portions and never quite growing into his big large eyes that would peer up at you everyday when you got home from school.

The same eyes that stared at you now, although now he was having to glance downwards considering his growth spurt during high school.

You’d barely walked through the door, bags and suitcase being dragged behind your back through the entryway, when you were being slammed full force into a tight hug by your little brother. He was 17 now, not quite little anymore but you quickly squealed and wrapped your arms around his neck when he lifted you up off the ground for a second.

“Baby brother.” You were exclaiming happily and he set you down, pulling back with a wide grin and sparkling eyes that kept widening in excitement.

You moving away for college has been hard on Jungwon, practically being best friends your entire lives despite the age difference causing some petty conflicts occasionally. You’d worried about him at first, never really being social outside of following you around when you went out with your friends but after he entered middle school he had found an entire group of kids his age and you felt less burdened when you had to leave.

It still didn’t make it any easier and the first few months you called every night, letting your little brother ramble about girls he had crushes on and things his friends got detention for.

Jungwon had been so proud of you for getting into a good college but you quickly became burnt out, slowly putting a stop to your nightly calls and rarely making the drive home for holidays anymore. You spent most of your days curled up on your dorm rooms couch, watching movie reruns from a decade ago and zoning out staring at your hefty workload.

Your parents had managed to convince you to come home for some time and decide what you wanted to do after your head got a bit more clear, even driving all the way up to your school to help you pack up your life into three measly boxes and bring you home for the next few months.

You felt ashamed and embarrassed about coming home at first, staying silent through the packing process and hurriedly walking out of the campus building to avoid any classmates stopping you and questioning why you were carrying so many bags. The excitement in your brothers face gave you the first sense of hope since you’d left, feeling a bit more okay about having to return home.

“Was the drive okay?” His voice was snapping you out of your train of thought and you smiled at him, messing up his hair and giving him a small nod before letting him take one of the bags off your shoulder. “You must be exhausted, mom and dad were right about waiting for the weekend to have the party.”

The two of you were leaving the entry way and making your way towards the kitchen area when the words slipped out of him, immediately freezing in your spot and seeing him wince from where he was standing. You cocked an eyebrow and your parents walked in just in time to catch sight of your expression and immediately sigh.

“You spoiled it, didn’t you?” Your dad was shaking his head at your little brother and moving past your frozen frame to deposit one of your boxes on the living room floor, glancing at your mom to help diffuse the situation.

“Listen honey, we were going to tell you we just… weren’t sure how you’d take it.” She was speaking in her typical soft tone, raising her hands in worry and giving you a guilty look.

“Mom a party is a terrible idea.” You were groaning softly and letting your bag slump to the floor, a childish whine slipping into your voice now that you were back at home and speaking comfortably to your family. “It’s not like I graduated or something, I basically dropped out. We can’t have a ‘congratulations you failed’ party, it’s humiliating.”

“You didn’t fail Y/N.” Jungwon was quickly cutting off your self depreciating rambles and you glanced over at him with another sigh. “It’s a welcome home party. We are welcoming you home!”

He sounded optimistic about it and you couldn’t help but crack a small smile at his tone and obvious excitement, the same excitement that led to him spoiling it in the first place.

It was such a typical Jungwon thing to be so optimistic about a party that wasn’t even for him, always the bright light to your more hesitant and cynical personality. He kept you having fun and being youthful when being a teenager was hard but he was still far more emotionally mature than most adults you knew, knowing when to ground himself and be realistic.

“Besides, all my friends will be there.” He was continuing on and you shot your mom an annoyed glanced to which she attempted to give you a stern look in return.

Whilst Jungwon was the best sibling ever, his friends were still very much typical teenage boys. You remember the first time he brought the group home in middle school, expecting to see a few meek kids who suited your brothers more timid personality and would address your parents with table manners and polite greetings.

Much to your surprise, apparently your little brother had managed to befriend the nosiest middle schoolers you’d ever encountered. You quickly remembered how much your friends had disliked their younger brothers and you imagined you’d have a similar belief if they were anything like the boys Jungwon quickly became near family with.

Sunoo and Riki were in the same grade as Jungwon, freshly entering middle school but they bickered and argued like adult men. Multiple times throughout the years, you had to physically step in between them and remove one from a situation before things got too messy. Outside of their tendency to clash, they were practically attached at the hip and quickly adopted your sibling to join their close duo.

The other boys were much more tolerable despite their own sets of various issues.

Jay, a year above your brother but decades older, weirdly reminded you of your grandfather at times. You’d hear him scolding the boys from the other room about watching where they fling controllers and on multiple occasions he had scolded you about having healthier lifestyle and diet choices.

Jake was practically his opposite in every way, a vacuum to junk food and a magnet to all things chaos. The boy had a tendency to lose his footing and his clumsiness really became a staple in his personality after he tumbled his elbow through the third piece of drywall in your house.

Park Sunghoon could barely speak a word to you for the first few years he came around, going as far as to verbally squeak and disappear around corners back to your brothers room whenever you came out to get a glass of water or ask them if they wanted you to order a pizza. He eventually started to warm up to you, managing to hold small talk by the time you left for school, but not nearly as quick as the oldest member of the group did.

Lee Heeseung had practically got down on one knee and proposed to you the moment he met you. Quite literally, considering you’d opened the door to greet them all for the first time and the boy had immediately pretended to faint into his friends arms, landing on an annoyed Jay who swatted him away and told him to greet you properly.

Being the oldest, Heeseung was three years older than your little brother which by default meant he was two years your junior, which was a fact he reminded you of almost every single time he saw you.

Whilst the other boys seemed to take you on as a sisterly figure, asking you for help with homework and requesting rides home from sport practices or late running hangout sessions, Heeseung had made it very clear that he saw you in a very different way. He was a flirt, albeit extremely harmless and mostly using terrible pickup lines he had stumbled upon online.

You found him funnier than you’d like to admit, absolutely never telling him this or even sparing him a chuckle during his hundreds of passes at you.

You weren’t too worried about actually hurting his feelings, assuming he was just infatuated with you because you were an older girl who was around all the time and that was practically a goldmine to a boy entering high school. So you continued on with your eye rolls and pushing him away whenever he purposely sat too close to you in the car on family road trips.

It wasn’t until your graduation that you considered the possibility you had been wrong about how fleeting his comments towards you really were. He’d never given up on the flirting but you figured it was just a habit by now, a running joke considering they’d eventually died down and became more tame the older you both got.

Then you were walking off that stage with a bright proud smile, your future pretty much guaranteed at a college that was driving distance and you pulled your brother and parents into a big hug before stepping back and catching sight of the boy standing behind a bouquet of big flowers.

Heeseung had nervously handed them over to you and the shake of his hands made your eyebrows furrow, so used to his extremely relaxed and comedic personality. You’d never really seen him nervous outside of a few moments during school where he’d failed an important test or had a particularly bad argument with his parents. You gave him a small smile and inspected the flowers.

“Are these baby’s breath?” You were glancing up at him and your eyes widened slightly in excitement at the smell of your favorite flowers. “These are beautiful Hee, did Jungwon tell you they were my favorite?”

“No… I just remembered.” He was smiling softly back at you and he looked relieved that you liked them, scratching his neck softly and watching as you smelled the high quality bouquet a few more times before smiling up at him again. “Actually I wanted to give you them because they-“

He was cut off by the sound of somebody calling your name a few times and you both glanced over, seeing a few of your classmates waving you over and positioning themselves in front of a camera. You laughed softly and amidst your excitement from the busy day, you completely missed the way his face fell as your attention quickly diverted away from him and what he was trying to tell you.

“They’re amazing Heeseung, I’ll make sure to put them in water as soon as I get home. Thank you again.” You were giving him another smile that made his cheeks flush, hand raising in a small wave before you were turning and disappearing into the crowd.

He watched as you posed in the photo with his flowers in your hand, your friends wrapping their arms around you and steadying their caps as you all prepared to start your adult lives in different schools and parts of the world.

You didn’t see the boy again after that for a while, spending the summer before college started with your friends and making some last minute memories before you were all apart for a while. Then you had your going away party and you, once again, were too focused on other things and you don’t recall ever even seeing him there despite the fact he always came to your family events and was certainly somewhere in the house.

It’d been three years now since you’d seen the seven boys all together and despite the constant messes and loud nights they’d caused you back in high school, you couldn’t help but feel a little bit excited to see them all again.

You definitely didn’t consider them your friends but you were fond of them and they made your little brother happy, listening to him ramble about their recent adventures all night while he helped you unpack your boxes and bags back into your childhood bedroom.

“We don’t have to do the party if you don’t want to.” He was telling you after you’d finished, standing in your doorway with his pajamas on and a toothbrush between his teeth. “It was sort of my idea but I don’t want to make you feel weird about being home.”

You felt guilty at the expression on his face, trying to remain steady and pretend he didn’t care but you could tell that he had been excited about the idea of people gathering to celebrate your return and knowing him, he most likely already had most of the details planned out in advance. As much as you weren’t necessarily looking forward to it, assuming it would contain a lot of awkward small talk and you explaining that you hadn’t graduated early and that’s not why you were home, you figured it wouldn’t hurt enough to cancel the whole thing.

“I think it could be fun.” You were shrugging from under your covers and if he could tell you were lying he didn’t show it as his face split into a grin around the plastic in his mouth.

Your little brother bid you goodnight in a soft voice, closing your door gently and leaving you to lay in your bed that slowly became unfamiliar to you. You stared at the posters on the walls, bands you no longer listened to and movies you’d forgotten the plot of. Everything was exactly the same and you were the only part of your life that had changed significantly, leaving you feeling out of place and isolated.

You sighed softly and rolled onto your side so you didn’t have to look at your bedroom that was frozen in time, letting yourself drift off to sleep and trying not to think about the fact you were back to square one.

——

It only took about half a day later for you to realize that you’d been wrong about being the only thing to change, incredibly wrong in fact considering how dumbfounded you currently were standing in front of your open front door and staring at the people in front of you.

When there had been sharp pounding on the wood, you hadn’t hesitated to swing it open despite the fact you technically didn’t live there anymore and it most likely wasn’t going to be somebody you knew. Still, it was a habit to not let guest stand outside on the porch unanswered and you felt complete deja vu when you swung open the door to see six people crammed together outside.

They were all hanging over each other to try and get a look at you first, excited grins on their faces and you were completely thrown off for a moment because how matured they all looked.

“So you are back.” Sunghoon was excitedly announcing, no sign of hesitance or his usual awkwardness when it came to addressing you. He’d always been handsome but he settled nicely into his features now that he was an adult and his shoulders were a lot broader now, perfect for supporting Sunoo who was grinning at you from over them.

“Jungwon texted us last night but we didn’t believe him.” Your head turned to match the voice and you smiled softly when you saw it was Jay, standing still in place and looking every bit as serious as he normally was.

“Why would he lie about that?” Jake was pushing past the others to enter the house first and he nearly tripped over the welcome mat, falling closer to you and barely steadying himself before he was pulling you in for a tight hug.

“Nice to see you too Jake.” You mumbled into his shoulder, wincing slightly at the force of his embrace. He pulled away with a dog like grin before moving aside so the others could file in.

You hugged them all individually as they passed through, feeling like you were seventeen again and they were coming over for a sleepover. Except now they were almost all adults and even Riki was towering over you now, the tallest of the group despite the fact he was barely coming up to your shoulder when you had left.

You paused after the fifth boy had passed through, faltering completely as you looked at the final member of the usual group and your eyes widened a touch.

“What, no hug for me?” Heeseung’s voice was ringing clearly in your ears but you still hadn’t processed that it was him standing in front of you.

Last time you saw the boy he almost resembled a scared hamster of sorts, always looking around with big wide eyes and not fully grown into his ears and long limbs. Part of the reason you’d never taken his advances seriously was because you couldn’t see him as a man most the time, full of boyish charm and a messy grin.

A grin similar to the one he was giving you now albeit this one was a lot more matured and carrying a heavy aura of confidence. A confidence he was definitely deserving of having considering he has clearly been working on both his physical health and his sense of style. You’d never once found yourself nervous around the younger boy but you were toeing the line of intimidated as you looked up at him now.

You pulled him in for a quick hug, hoping it wasn’t noticeably faster than the others before you were pulling away but keeping your hands on his upper arms.

“Woah… you’re..” You trailed off and your eyes widened slightly, squeezing his biceps in wonder and ignoring the way he let out a small laugh at your amusement. He was still looking at you with that almost cocky grin and you avoiding meeting his gaze for now.

“Yeah, hyungs been working out a lot to impress his girlfriend.” Riki’s voice was sounding from behind you, taking note of your fascination and you quickly dropped your hands from the boy to avoid any chance of misinterpretation.

You cleared your throat and took a step away from him, glancing up at him and realizing he had lost the casual grin and was glaring daggers at the youngest boy who was still stood behind you. You waited for him to move out of the doorway so you could shut it behind them, watching as they bounded up the stairs to go and get your brother.

You smiled softly at the nostalgia of it all and walked over to the kitchen, still having a few hours before the party actually started and being strictly instructed that you weren’t allowed to help with the set up portion of the night. Having nothing to do was driving you crazy however so you started to slowly chop up the vegetables that would be laid out on the snack table, humming to yourself softly.

“Need any help?” You were jumping in place and accidentally knocking over the pile of broccoli at the sudden sound of somebody speaking right next to your ear. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I thought you heard me coming.”

Heeseung was quickly bending over to pick up the soiled vegetables and you watched him, slightly flustered from the jumpscare and the fact he was glancing up at you from down at your feet to see if you were okay.

“It’s alright.” You quickly assured him, realizing he was waiting for you to say something and he watched you for a second before he was nodding and standing up to throw away the food into your trash can.

You were moving some carrots over to the cutting board instead, feeling strangely unsteady as he walked to the other side of the kitchens island and pulled a stool out to sit and watch you. You could feel him staring at your face as you chopped, occasionally glancing down at your uncoordinated hands and you cleared your throat uncomfortably.

“So.. is your girlfriend coming tonight?” You were asking, not sure why you had said it and quickly regretting it when you looked up at him and his face dropped.

“I don’t have a girlfriend. Riki doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” He was sighing and shaking his head, stretching forward slightly to grab a cut up piece of carrot off the board and throw it into his mouth before you could scold him.

“Not a girlfriend then, just your friend that’s a girl that you work out to impress.” Your tone was teasing as you said it but you kept glancing up at him to check his reaction, knowing that before he wouldn’t have minded the comment but things were different now. He just nodded in confirmation and watched you for a few seconds. “Why not your girlfriend?”

You imagined if this had been a few years ago he would’ve taken this opportunity to flirt with you, made some cheesy comment about you being the only girl for him and go on about how nothing could stand in between your destined love. You weren’t sure why you were disappointed when he did nothing but shrug softly.

“Shouldn’t you be upstairs with the other boys?” You eventually asked him in a soft tone, feeling calmer now that you started to feel familiar in his presence again. Despite looking shockingly different, this was still just Heeseung.

“I figured you’d be busy once the party started.” He was shrugging again like he hadn’t paid much thought to it but his stare was heavy on you. “Wanted to see you now before you were distracted.”

“I’d never be too busy to talk to you guys.” You were titling your head and shaking it slightly, a smile on your face that he didn’t match right away. He seemed like he was thinking about something you didn’t quite understand and your lip curved down a bit.

He was suddenly standing up and you paused in your slow chopping, setting the knife down and watching him as he rounded back around the island until he was standing beside you. You turned your body so you could actually face him and weren’t just showing him your shoulder, looking up at him and raising your eyebrows in confusion about what he needed on the side of the kitchen.

He didn’t say anything at first but your eyes widened a touch when he was taking a step closer to you, your back hitting the counter and your faces almost capable of touching if he ducked his head down to your height.

“What.. what are you..” You were trailing off into a small nervous laugh, your hands coming up to grip the counter behind you tightly.

“So you’ll find me at the party then?” He was asking before you could finish and his voice was a lot lower than you’d ever heard it, more used to high pitched laughter and boyish voice cracks over the lower rasp he was speaking in now. He was still suffocating close to you as he spoke and you imagined this would look pretty damning if someone were to walk in right now.

You were too stunned to respond to him right, mouth opening and closing for a few beats before he was reaching behind you to grab another carrot. You watched him as he popped it into his mouth, smirking at you slightly before taking a few steps backwards.

“See you then.” He was casually announcing like he hadn’t just practically been pushed up against you and you could do nothing but stare in bewilderment as he turned out of the kitchen and headed upstairs to your brothers room.

Your shoulders dropped in relief once he was out of sight , letting out a heavy breath and relaxing your white knuckled grip on the counter. You abandoned the carrots and raced up to your bedroom, trying your hardest to not think about the way your stomach had flipped with butterflies because of your little brothers friend.

——

“Wait a minute… like little Lee Heeseung? The kid who followed you around five summers in a row?” Your friends voice was crackling over your phone a few hours later and you groaned into the device.

“I know I know, but that’s exactly the problem. He’s not little anymore.” You stressed the words to try and get her to understand where you were coming from, embarrassed at the fact you had even admitted what had happened in the kitchen, whatever that was exactly.

“Yeah but dude you can’t get turned on by your brothers friend. It’s like gotta be totally immoral.” She was scolding you but you could hear the laughter in her voice as she shuffled with something on the other side of the phone. “Besides, he’s always been hot. You just never paid any attention to him.”

You groaned at his words and flopped over in your bed, laying on your stomach and stuffing your face into the pillow. You wished she didn’t word things so directly, suddenly feeling extremely wrong for the way Heeseung had made you feel. The second part of her sentence, for some reason, bothered you even more.

You had paid attention to Heeseung, you paid attention to all of your brothers friends. You considered the fact he had seemingly insinuated something similar in the kitchen earlier and you wondered if there was something you were missing, possibly forgetting a time you had directly dismissed the boy outside of playfully rejecting his faux flirting.

“Please don’t say it like that Yunjin, it makes me sound like a cougar or something.” You were practically whispering into the phone, extra paranoid about somebody overhearing considering all the boys were passing back and forth to help set up for the party.

“You are a bit of a cougar.” She was laughing into the phone but amidst your continuous groans and complaints she calmed herself down. “Isn’t he like 19 or something? That’s totally fine.”

“He’s 20.” You mumbled back, feeling even weirder that you were having to do the math to ensure what you were feeling suddenly was safe. It made your stomach turn to think about him in that way but every time your mind drifted back to the way he peered down at you in the kitchen, the feeling crept up again. “I’ve literally never even slightly considered this before, what am I supposed to do?”

“Well isn’t it obvious?” She was retorting in a dumbfounded voice, chewing on something loudly through the speaker and you winced in preparation. “Fuck him.”

You frowned as she said exactly what you were expecting her to, quickly telling her you were done with the conversation and hanging up as she laughed and asked you to call back later with updates.

You’d never in your life thought you would think about fucking Lee Heeseung. Actually, you’d never in your life even considered him in the regard of somebody who was capable of having sex with anybody or anything. He’d never once dipped a toe into your late night fantasies, never made you blush from skin to skin contact and he definitely never made you feel the way you did a few hours ago.

The knocking on your door took you out of your thoughts will a jump, so insecure about your inner monologue that you almost felt like whoever looked at you would be able to tell what you were thinking about.

Your mother was coming to tell you that guest had started to arrive and you quickly got dressed in a party suitable outfit, taking deep breaths in the mirror before putting on a sociable smile and joining in on the festivities that were centered around you.

It felt a little uncomfortable to be holding so many conversations with people you recognized but hadn’t seen in years, most the adults looking exactly the same but you couldn’t help the shock you felt when you realized their kids were speaking actual sentences now.

You somehow managed to go the first hour avoiding the sensitive topic of why you had come home in the first place and you had half the mind to assume your mom had asked people not to talk about it, both grateful for her care towards your feelings and humiliated that everyone was potentially avoiding the elephant in the room.

You didn’t spend too much time thinking about it considering you were avoiding your own elephant, a particularly well dressed one stood over by the drink table sipping, what you assumed, was your fathers fruit punch mix.

“Y/N, sweetheart. Do you mind refilling Ms. Jung’s cup for her? It’s such a hassle to get her walker out in the grass every time.” You stared at your mother in horror as she softly assigned you the task, knowing there was absolutely no way you could deny filling up your elderly neighbors empty cup.

You gave both women a tight smile, immediately loosing it and wincing when you were turning around and having to make your way over to the table that Heeseung was still standing at. He wasn’t looking in your direction yet thankfully and you reminded yourself that nothing had even happened, maybe you were reading too far into him just being comfortable enough to lean over you.

The table was halfway hidden behind the corner of the outside deck, neatly tucked into the back of the yard so it was visible but not in the way of guest who were mingling and having fun.

You’d barely taken a few steps before Heeseung was noticing you approaching, shifting in his stance and taking a sip of his cup as he watched you get closer and closer. You hoped your nerves weren’t evident on your face, already feeling ashamed of the way you accidentally scanned up and down his frame a few times as you got closer to him.

“Are you avoiding me?” He was asking before you’d barely even reached the table, startling you at his bluntness and your eyes widened a bit before you were shaking your head and reaching to grab the ladle from the punch bowl.

“Why would I be avoiding you?” You scoffed softly, trying to remember what you’d typically reply to him in this situation when you weren’t so thrown off by your crazy inner thoughts that had arrived.

“You tell me.” His voice was closer now and you turned your head to look at him, sucking in a small breath at the fact he was stood right next to your side and facing you now. You set the cup down on the table so you could look at him, finding it disrespectful to let people speak towards your shoulder.

Your eyes dropped down his frame again, taking in his outfit and then flicking back up just in time to see him cock an eyebrow at your staring. The two of you must have looked like you were intense conversation despite not saying anything for a few beats, standing too close to be casual. Not to mention the look in his eyes that made you look back down towards your hands after a few seconds of holding eye contact.

“I wouldn’t be avoiding you Heeseung.” You were shaking your head and fidgeting with your hands that were clasped together in front of you.

You weren’t technically lying, you hadn’t been actively going out of your way to not interact with him but you had also made no attempt to be near his side of the backyard.

He was nodding slowly down at you but you didn’t think he looked convinced. You would’ve been more worried about it and the fact you potentially hurt his feelings if it wasn’t for the fact he was suddenly taking more steps towards you. You instinctively moved backwards as he approached, not realizing how far until your back was colliding with the side of the house and you noted you were completely out of view from the rest of the guest now unless they approached the table directly.

“What are you doing?” You were asking him in a low whisper, staring up at him in surprise and flushing slightly at the way he was still just watching you, almost with a sense of amusement.

“Nothing. Just talking to you.” He was retorting casually but his hand was reaching up to push your hair behind your ear, falling down to rest on your side afterwards and you sucked in a breath at the feeling of him touching you.

You’d had contact with him hundreds of times before, stuck sitting on his knee during packed car rides or being smushed together on a couch during group movie night. You never thought for more than a second about it, slapping his arm when he would look at you and raise his eyebrows suggestively but other than that it was never something that lingered in your mind.

You knew immediately that this wouldn’t be the case for the way he was touching you now.

His hand was large and almost completely expanding the surface of your side, his fingers drumming along your hipbone for a second before remaining still like he was waiting to see if you were going to push him away. You thought about it, your instinct telling you to get him away from you due to your weakening self control and apparent moral ambiguity but your mind couldn’t help but to recall what Yunjin had said a few hours ago.

“We can’t do this.” You were telling him despite your uncertainty but your voice wasn’t stern in any sense and you let your hand come up to rest against his arm again to really drive forward your lack of meaning.

“Do what?” He was turning his head slightly like he was confused but there was a small smirk on his lips and he ducked his head down closer to yours, pulling your hips off the house so you were closer to him. “What are we doing Y/N?”

He was definitely teasing you now and you felt slightly breathless at how intimidating he suddenly seemed, feeling like you’d entered another dimension in which you were somehow getting goosebumps from the way Lee Heeseung held onto you.

You wondered if he found this as weird as you did or if he had changed so much to the point where he wasn’t thinking too much about toeing the line with his best friends sister. The boy you knew wasn’t big with girls, you never heard him talk about them with the others or brag about any interactions he had with the opposite gender.

He was especially silent on the topic whenever you were in the room, listening in from the kitchen despite the bored expression on your face. You’d catch sight of him sending you nervous glances as they asked him who he had a crush on at school and you’d smile at him before going upstairs and casually telling your friends about your brothers weird friend and his crush on you.

You didn’t know this Heeseung as well and that was clear to you by the way you could feel his breath fanning your face and your vision being completely blocked by his large frame keeping you pinned against the house.

Maybe this new version of him didn’t care about your history or how much conflict would arise if somebody were to suddenly want to quench their thirst right now and catch the two of you in such a compromising position. Maybe he put no meaning behind teasing you like this and he simply was just bored and looking to flirt with the nearest girl around his age.

“Why are you doing this?” You decided it couldn’t hurt to just directly ask him, although you weren’t sure how true that was considering you felt his hand immediately tense.

“Maybe I just missed you.” He was answering smoothly despite clearly being thrown off and you could feel his thumb swiping up and down against your dress, frowning slightly at the small shrug he gave you.

“You missed me?” You whispered back, keeping your tone light and almost teasing to try and revert him back to being comfortable around you again. He didn’t say anything but he watched you intently as you spoke. “You could’ve called.”

“Would you have answered?” His responses were quick like he’d been practicing again and you lost the soft smile that had been building up at the feeling of his touch.

“Why do you keep saying things like that?” You poured out at him in confusion, not understanding the multiple accusations like you had; at some point, upset him or made him feel ignored.

He didn’t say anything for a bit again and he seemed unfocused for a few seconds, you squeezed his arm softly to try and bring his focus back on to you and when he looked down at you again, you almost thought you were looking at him from five years ago.

You didn’t rush him to answer you but you felt slightly sick at the lack of understanding you currently seemed to have, also still stuck on the fact he had directly said he missed you. You had missed being around your family and you missed seeing all the boys together causing mayhem, missed the long summer nights and weekends up at the lake.

You weren’t sure you had specifically missed Lee Heeseung. He made you laugh a lot more than the other boys despite you never showing it to lessen his ego and you felt closer to him at times considering he was the oldest, easily understanding most of your struggles or difficulties whilst the other boys hadn’t begun to mature enough to properly empathize with you.

And sure he was cute. You felt thrown off completely by what Yunjin had said earlier about him always being attractive, definitely never considering him in that way and completely blind to the fact your friends apparently had.

“You were busy, I don’t know.” He was suddenly saying and taking you out of your consideration, vaguely answering your question. “I was just some stupid kid.”

His words seemed heavy and like they carried more meaning than just being the reason he didn’t pick up a phone and call you while you were away. You thought for a second so you could approach the sensitive subject carefully.

“That’s not why.” You were shaking your head and he watched you in anticipation, his hand instinctively pulling you forward again and you let yourself be tugged up against him. “You were Jungwon’s friend. You are Jungwon’s friend.”

You correcting yourself to remind him that it was still true made his eyes darken slightly. You felt guilty for saying it considering he had clearly thought his age was the issue and potentially decided that things would be different now but you crushed that hope by admitting that the thing that kept your relationship distant was not something he could change.

Despite feeling like he was hinting at something, you were still clueless to his intent and were speaking in a general sense, why you hadn’t considered him a friend or ever expected a phone call.

“So you don’t see me as a kid?” He was latching on to the good part of what you had said and you saw that confidence return slightly, your back pressing against the wall again but this time flush against his front.

“I did but…” You trailed off when your breath caught in your throat at the feeling of his hands sliding off your hip and instead landing on your lower back.

You felt the same wave of arousal you had in the kitchen when he leaned over you, staring up at him with wide eyes and slightly parted lips as you waited to see what he was going to do. Every time you focused in on who exactly it was touching you, you felt a bit dizzy but you couldn’t deny what you were feeling when he shifting his hips over yours and ducking his head closer to your neck.

“Heeseung.” You squeaked out in warning and you felt him pull you tighter at the sound of your voice saying his name, your tone breathy as he slotted his knee so it was resting between your legs.

He was barely touching you, not a single inch of skin touching skin and his leg just hovering between yours but you felt like your stomach was on fire and you were overwhelmed with desire for him suddenly, something you couldn’t remember feeling for anybody in recent years.

“Tell me to stop and I will.” He was whispering back to you and his lips were hovering over yours, brushing against them occasionally as he spoke and his eyes were dark enough to make a shiver run through your body.

You were parting your lips to answer him, to deny him stopping and ask him to keep doing whatever he wanted as long as he was still touching you but you quickly froze up when you heard the sound of Jake’s voice getting closer, loudly announcing his need for your dad’s famous punch.

Heeseung didn’t need to be told to remove himself from you, immediately taking two big steps back and you suddenly felt extremely cold and empty now that you were left stood against the house alone, dress slightly ridden up from his hands gripping onto your frame and breathing uneven. You steadied yourself and flushed with a deep embarrassment as the older boy casually turned to his friend who had approached the table and struck up a conversation.

He spared you a glance as he spoke to Jake and you realized he was giving you the opportunity to slip away undetected, immediately taking the chance and circling back around to the party.

You quickly approached your mom and told her you weren’t feeling good and you needed to go lay down, ignoring her questions about where your neighbors punch had gone and what had took you so long. You quickly greeted some guest as you walked swiftly through the yard, heading back inside and going to hide in your room until everybody , including Heeseung, had left.

——

You stayed in bed for the entirety of the next day, ignoring Jungwon’s soft knocks as he asked you to come down for breakfast or accompany him and his friends whilst they went out later on in the afternoon.

You felt guilty at your lack of responses, your door locked and hiding underneath your covers as your head spun with the memory of what had happened. You were totally embarrassed that you’d almost been caught with Heeseung, not even capable of imagining how hurt your brother might feel if you were found with one of his closest friends in such a way.

The two of you had never talked about it before because he knew you’d never considered any of them in that way, he’d roll his eyes and groan at Heeseung’s attempts of flirting with you but he seemed to know better than to take it seriously.

It still wasn’t a line you ever wanted to cross, not finding it worth the chance of upsetting him and damaging your close relationship.

You felt terrible that you were considering it now, contemplating if it was worth listening to your bodies wants and the way your stomach turned every time Heeseung entered a room you were in. So you had decided today you wouldn’t give the situation any more opportunity to grow, you definitely couldn’t stand being in a car with him or out in public like things were casual, like anything that had happened was normal.

It was a few hours after they’d left to their plans that you were getting a text from your brother letting you know that they had all decided to come back to your house to spend the night, not finding any reason to all go to their separate homes considering they’d just be together again tomorrow.

You knew he was only letting you know so you didn’t accidentally step on Sunoo asleep on the living room floor or get spooked by Riki heading to the bathroom at 3am but you couldn’t help but take it as the universe giving you some warning that Heeseung was going to be back in the house.

You sent him a quick text letting him know you didn’t mind and thanking him for the heads up before you were laying the device back down on your chest, staring up at your ceiling and eventually hearing the sounds of the boys all entering the house with loud laughs and heavy footsteps as they changed into their sleep clothes and made makeshift blanket beds on the floor between the couches.

It was vibrating against your chest after about half an hour of zoning out in contemplation and you ignored it for a few minutes before realizing it could potentially be Jungwon needing something, already feeling guilty enough about ignoring him in real life and not wanting to add to your misery by doing it virtually too.

Lee Heeseung : Are you awake?

You froze up at the notification on your phone, closing down the screen immediately and sitting up in bed with a jump. You took a few breaths and waited a moment before you were turning on the screen again to confirm what you had read.

Hesitantly, you swiped open the screen and watched it unlock onto you and Heeseung’s text conversation. You could see the one above, him having wished you a happy birthday two years ago and you replying back with a small photo of a cute dog saying thank you. He had hearted your message but never actually replied to the dry response from you and your heart twisted uncomfortably as your fingers hovered over the keyboard.

Y/N : yeah why

Y/N : are you okay?

You hesitantly sent the second message before flipping your phone back around nervously and waiting to feel it vibrate again.

Lee Heeseung : Can you let me in?

You froze for a second in confusion, not fully understanding what he was talking about until your eyes were slowly trailing up towards your lock door. You could feel your heart racing as you slowly stood to go and open it, mouth parting softly when it revealed him standing in the hallway.

His hair was messy and damp like he’d just washed it, wearing a black tshirt and sweatpants for sleeping in. You weren’t sure if the other boys were already sleeping or if he was just acting on impulse and not thinking before coming to your bedroom. You had a feeling it might’ve been the latter considering the smell of alcohol coming from him as he shuffled past you into your bedroom.

You watched him flop down onto your bed, his face pressed into your pillow as he laid on his stomach. You sighed softly but followed behind him, opting to sit on the edge of your bed beside him instead of crawling back underneath the covers and putting yourself in a dangerous position. “You’re drunk?”

“No.” He was rolling over flat onto his back with a low groan and turning his head once he completely rolled, looking at you with low hazy eyes. “Just had a few drinks.”

This sentence felt weird to hear come out of his mouth, still underaged now technically but he’d been young enough when you left that he didn’t even consider drinking. You gave him a disbelieving stare but you could tell he was being honest, only slightly slurring his words and his eyes were sharp and focused as he stared at you.

“God.” He was suddenly letting out in a breathy voice and you raised an eyebrow in question. “If you told me from five years ago that’d I’d be in your bedroom… he would’ve punched me in the face.”

You laughed softly at his abrupt confession, shifting on the bed so you were sat fully on it and leaning against your headboard. You were thinking something similar, the image of both of you side by side in your pajamas would’ve most likely caused 18 year old you to scream bloody murder and kick him out of your bedroom.

“Don’t exaggerate.” You told him softly with a smile, he laughed a bit and then was shaking his head against your bed.

“I’m serious, you have no idea how many times I..” He was suddenly trailing off and freezing like he had said too much, your own smile slowly slipping off in confusion as you watched

him glance over at you. Your eyes habitually shot down to his shirt for a second, taking deep breaths that caused his broad chest to rise and fall.

When you looked back up at him, his eyes had darkened more and you held your breath as his hand slowly moved closer to where you were sitting. You didn’t say anything when you felt his knuckles grazing over your bare thigh, wearing shorts to bed typically and suddenly being grateful you had.

It was the first time he had directly touched you with no layers in between and if you weren’t already set on risking everything to feel him touch you again, now it was increased tenfold at the feeling of his warm skin against yours. He was flipping his hand over so the entirety of his palm was resting on the middle of your thigh but he didn’t move it again, just testing the water.

“How many times you what?” You whispered to him, even though something told you that you already knew the answer. You still wanted to hear him say it and your patience grew thin as he did nothing but watch you with low hazy eyes. “Heeseung.”

“I’ve probably had too much to drink.” He was laughing softly and closing his eyes but you could tell he was just trying to distract you from what he had almost said, clearly embarrassed at his loose tongue and laughing out of nerves.

You don’t know why you didn’t drop the subject, why you didn’t just nod your head and ask him something safe like how their night out was. You were totally bewildered by yourself when your hand was reaching down to cover his, sliding it up your thigh a touch until his thumb was hitting the bottom of your small shorts. His eyes shot up to yours and widened a bit before looking back down towards your lower half.

“I won’t make fun of you.” You were trying to reassure him but your voice had a similar nervous shake to it, especially at the feeling of his hand tensing. “I just.. want to hear you say it.”

“Used to jerk off to you all the time.” He was saying it in one breath and you tensed up at his sudden words. He wasn’t trying to sound sexy or tease you, simply fulfilling your request with urgency as soon as he noticed you didn’t mind what he was implying. “Almost every time I saw you.”

You’d frozen up for a few second at the vulgarity of the statement before you felt the familiar rush of arousal running through you, accelerated by the way he was mindlessly kneading your thigh as he watched you to see your reaction to his confession.

It was hard for you to imagine, obviously understanding boy hormones paired with the fact he had clearly had some form of interest in you back then but you had no idea it went as far as it did. You were completely clueless to the fact that he was genuinely fantasizing over you, touching himself once he got home and thinking about doing god knows what whilst he did it.

The thought should’ve made you uncomfortable, knowing now that he spent all those years thinking about you sexually so often but instead you couldn’t help but shift slightly on the bed so your leg was pressing against his shoulder, lifting your other knee and bending it so his hand could sink between your legs if he wanted to.

“What would you think about?” You were asking him suddenly and he sucked in a breath. Your eyes were wide with curiosity and it almost could’ve passed as innocent if it wasn’t for your hand covering his, keeping his touch on you.

“Fuck… just anything.” He was admitting and he let out another laugh but this one was more so directed towards himself and his past. “Just the thought of you most of the time, didn’t even need to be doing anything.”

“What about the other times?” Your breath was hitching when his thumb was shifting forward again and accidentally swiping underneath your shorts, something so small feeling magnified by the heavy tension in the room.

“Just wanted to touch you I think.” His eyes were fluttering close like he was lost in thought and you watched the side of his face intensely. “Sometimes I’d think about you teaching me shit, showing me how to do stuff that would make you feel good.”

His answer, although clearly filthy and way past the line you’d silently established, was strangely sweeter than you’d expected it to be. You were prepared to hear him admit how much he wanted to fuck you, prove to you what a man he was all along. Instead he had imagined just being able to feel you, to learn what you liked and what made you feel pleasure.

“But you know stuff now don’t you?” Your voice was soft but he definitely caught it, his eyes flickering open and looking at you with something heavy.

“Yeah.” He was breathing out. “I do.”

He was starting to sit up after saying that but you hurriedly put your hand on his chest to stop him, instead laying down as much as he was so you were laying against his side while he was still flat on his back with his head propped up on your pillows. You were practically curled into his side now, keeping one of your hands on his chest and using the other to rest under your head as you looked at him.

You weren’t sure how much experience Heeseung had although he had just alluded to doing something before, you toyed with the idea that he could be lying to try and impress you but one of your favorite things about him was his blunt honesty whenever you directly asked him a question.

“Can you show me?” You heart was racing as you voiced your request, his eyebrows furrowing with confusion before your hand started to slide down his chest and stomach, stopping at the waistband of his sweatpants.

His breath hitched again at the implication but he was quickly nodding and shifting slightly so he could pull them down, wasting no time in case you started to come to your senses and change your mind or ask him to leave you bedroom. You’d seen Heeseung in his underwear before, or swim trunks bordering on the same amount of exposed skin, but it was a noticeably different setting now.

His legs were thick with muscle now and more importantly, he was clearly already hard underneath the fabric despite the fact you’d barely touched each other. Whatever he was thinking about with his eyes closed seemed to have done the trick and you kept your eyes glued on his lower half before glancing at him again to see what he was waiting for.

“How is this happening right now?” He was muttering under his breath to himself and you didn’t reply, mouth parting in a small gasp when he moved his hand to cup his bulge through the thin fabric.

You watched with slightly widened eyes as he rubbed himself, letting out small groans and sucking in tight breaths and he tried to keep himself calm under your intense gaze. You could feel him continuously looking at your face but you didn’t take your eyes off of where his hand was.

His stomach tightened when you were moving yours up off where it was resting on the bed between you, pushing his shirt up slightly so it wasn’t in the way of his movements and also so you could watch the way the muscles contracted with every touch. He had goosebumps on his arm from the way your fingers slowly trailed up his stomach, eventually laying flat over his belly button and feeling the way he took deep breaths the more overwhelmed he got.

“Is this how you’d do it?” You were suddenly asking him, increasingly curious about his habits and he shook his head softly with another grunt. “Did you ever do it here?”

“Fuck.” He was forcing out as he laughed again softly in disbelief, you finally looked at his face and he was watching you intensely with a flush on his cheeks. “Y-your birthday.. the pool party after you hugged me goodbye in that pink swimsuit.”

“You remember my swimsuit?” The surprise slipped into your voice and he gave you a heavy look, like it was something obvious that he would remember something so small and specific about you.

Your stomach felt like it was on fire at the thought of him not even being able to make it home after you’d pressed yourself up against him absentmindedly, needing to resort to relieving himself quickly in your bathroom just because you’d been showing some skin.

Your hand was pushing up his shirt more again, rubbing up and down his stomach and your eyes flickered down again just in time to see him pushing his hand underneath the waistband of his underwear and letting out a big breath as he finally touched himself without anything in the way.

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds and you wondered if he was trying to calm himself down to make this last longer, testing the theory by shifting your leg so it was over his right one and resting near where his hand was currently working against himself. His free hand was coming up to instinctively grab onto your bare skin and stop you from making contact with where he was throbbing, gripping just under your knee tightly and shaking his head at you.

You smiled softly, cheeks flushing at the fact he’d clearly caught on to what you were doing but you were grateful when he didn’t remove his hand from you, instead sliding it back up to your thigh and holding it tight and still on top of him.

“I can’t believe this is real.” He was mumbling again and you snorted a laugh at his second exclamation of amazement, ducking your head down so your forehead hit his shoulder and you could feel his heart beating so fast you were almost worried when your hand slid further up his chest.

“Heeseung.” Your voice automatically made his focus snap back on you and he eagerly nodded to show he was listening. “I want to see you.”

He paused for a second before nodding again and hurrying to fulfill your request, shifting his lower half so he could move his boxers farther down on his thighs and give you a clearer view of the way he was touching himself, you laid your head on his shoulder and turned it sideways so you could watch him, stroking himself slowly to full hardness while trying not to overwhelm himself.

Definitely not for the first time, you found yourself thinking about how pretty he was. He’d always been a pretty boy to you, even back when you were younger but you were realizing now that almost every single part of him was apparently perfectly crafted and beautiful, another wave of arousal ripping through you as you watched him twist his hand around his impressive length and buck his hips softly in pleasure.

“Sometimes you’d.. fuck.” He was trailing off into a moan and you picked your head up off his shoulder to look at his face and raise an eyebrow. “Sometimes when you’d sit on my lap during road trips.. god I was so worried you’d feel how hard I’d get just from being that close to you.”

“You should’ve said something.” You were telling him with a small frown but you both knew how that would have turned out, absolutely no chance of you returning his desires or even allowing him to say such things to you without upset.

He still seemed to appreciate even being able to humor the idea that you would have let him touch you back then, his hips twitching under your leg and you softly rubbed his stomach after laying your head back down near his collarbone. You could tell that Heeseung was close and clearly trying to drag it out for some unknown reason, not working himself as fast as he wanted to and holding his breath tight every few minutes.

You tried to calm down the flush in your face when you were turning your head to kiss alongside his jaw gently, listening to the inhale he took and the way his arm tensed from where it was pressed against you.

Your lips slowly trailing across his face and down to his neck seemed to officially push him over the edge, no longer able to delay his orgasm that was rushing through him and causing him to let out groans far too loud for your quiet house. Your hand was leaving his stomach to gently cover his mouth, pulling off his neck with a wet smack to look down again and watch as his stomach twitched under the cum now decorating it.

The silence afterwards was overwhelming, listening to him take deep breaths and calm himself down while your heart was beating so fast you almost feared he could hear it.

An awkwardness settled into your skin and you weren’t sure if it was just you or if he felt it too, the realization of what you’d just done hitting you. This wasn’t just some random hookup, not some guy you wouldn’t have to see after this. This wasn’t something casual or without consequences, you had fully crossed a line that you couldn’t backtrack over with somebody you’d spent most of the second half of your life knowing.

“Are you okay?” His soft voice was a direct reminder of that and your eyes shot up to his face, feeling a sick guilt at the nerves settling into his face now that the spell of lust had died back down.

“Yeah I just…” You sat up more and cleared your throat awkwardly, looking away from him and after a few seconds you were standing to go and get him a rag from your bathroom. “I think you should probably head to bed.”

His mouth parted in surprise and you saw a flicker of hurt pass through his face as you extended the rag to him, feeling his fingers graze against yours as he took it and cleaned himself up with a sudden blush creeping up his neck.

You felt more and more guilt eating away at you as he dressed himself properly again with that look on his face but you couldn’t take seeing him in your bed for another second, the reality of what you had done fully settling in now and leaving you with a sick feeling in your stomach.

Heeseung was standing in the hallway after you’d walked him to the door awkwardly, still just stood in place and staring at you and you softly closed the door on him after wishing him a mumbled goodnight. You knew you should’ve reassured him that it was okay and that he didn’t do anything wrong but that felt like a lie to you right now anyways and you didn’t think it was fair to confuse him by telling him you didn’t mind it.

The guilt remained even after you heard him softly going down the stairs, curling back into your bed and finding that your blankets smelt like him now.

——

The next morning came quickly and you immediately knew you wouldn’t be able to repeat your hermit behavior from yesterday, being woken up by your moms fist slamming on your door and strictly reminding you that you were all meant to go up to the lake house for the weekend.

You groaned softly into your pillow but you knew there was no use in complaining, dragging yourself out of bed despite the fact you’d barely slept more than a few hours after Heeseung had left.

You took the longest to get ready, slipping on a bathing suit underneath a dress and packing a small one strap bag with the essentials. You were criss crossing it over your chest and racing down the steps, hurriedly apologizing to your mother as you passed her glaring at you in the doorway.

When you got outside, your footsteps slowed to a stop as you watched all the boys and you dad loading up the van, frowning slightly as your body quickly reminded your brain about what had happened. Jungwon gave you a small smile and greeting and you could see Heeseung following his line of sight and perking up at the sight of you, hoping he didn’t notice how you quickly looked away.

You all piled into the van and luckily your parents knew you far too old to be stuck on somebody’s lap the entire ride, still being stuck pressed tightly between Heeseung and Jay in the back row.

You were grateful for the boy on your right considering he immediately popped in his headphones and pulled his sleep mask over his eyes, not able to say the same about your other seat partner considering he was staring at you intently the second you sat down and making you squirm in your seat.

Your phone was vibrating in your lap and you glanced down at it, picking it up and turning down your music so you could focus on reading the text.

Lee Heeseung : Why are you avoiding me?

He was shifting beside you, obviously embarrassed you were reading his text and you looked over at him quickly before flushing and going back to stare at the message on your screen. Your fingers hovered for a few seconds as you tried to think of a response, knowing you couldn’t just ignore him and sit in awkward silence for the next two hours.

Y/N : im not.. we can talk once we get up there

You sent the text and shut your screen off quickly, watching the side of his face as he turned on his own device to read it. He nodded softly at you after he had and your heart clenched at the hesitation in his eyes.

He took the hint and didn’t try to talk to you again for the rest of the ride, making you feel weirdly disappointed despite him just following your instructions. You felt confused by your own actions so you couldn’t imagine what he was thinking, your body and mind finding comfort just from the feeling of his leg pressed against yours but at the same time you felt regretful about what you’d done.

You felt even worse when your brother was glancing back in his seat to smile at you with excitement, giving you an encouraging thumbs up and you forced a smile back at him.

You turned the music in your headphones back up to full volume and tilted your head sideways so it could land on Jay’s shoulder, closing your eyes and trying not to think about the hole you’ve dug yourself.

——

Heeseung and you didn’t get a chance to talk until later on in the day, all the kids being tasked with unpacking bags and making adjustments to the lake house that hadn’t been used since last summer.

Jake and you were sat in the living room, calmly discussing sleeping arrangements and who would have to stay back and help with dinner cleanup rather than go and swim with the rest of the group. You were sat criss crossed on the couch and he was directly beside you, gently shoving your knee as he laughed at an off handed comment you’d made.

“Y/N.” Your head snapped up at the sound of a new voice in the doorway and you and Jake both stared in confusion when you took in the sharp glare Heeseung was sending in your directions. “Can I talk to you? Outside.”

He said the last word pointedly and you frowned at the look he sent his friend, glancing at Jake before standing up off the couch and ruffling his hair affectionately. He seemed to take the hint that you were leaving and awkwardly nodded in understanding.

Heeseung was already turning to leave before you even managed to get close to him and you followed behind him as he passed through the house, exiting out of the slider doors onto the overhanging deck that showcased the lake view. You pulled your sleeves over your hands, feeling the windy chill of the water now that the sun was starting to set but a shiver was running through you for other reasons when the boy turned to send you a hurt look.

“Why are you only ignoring me?” He was spitting out and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at how upset he sounded. “What, you’ve seen my dick and now you can’t even talk to me?”

Your mouth was parting in a gasp and you approached him swiftly, covering his mouth with your hand and glancing around at all the open windows and terrain to make sure nobody had heard his outburst of confession.

“What are you talking about Hee? I said we could discuss it later.” You were whispering yelling back to him and his eyes softened at the nickname before he was wrapping his hand around your wrist and removing the cover over his mouth.

“You couldn’t put any urgency behind that?” He sounded less angry now and more hurt, staring down at you with a muddied expression and you felt the guilt settle back in full force. “Especially after kicking me out like that last night, I’ve been going crazy.”

You sighed but didn’t say anything for a few seconds, letting the crashing waves fill up the silence as your heart started to beat faster. You weren’t sure which direction you should go, probably easier to lie to him and tell him you’d made a mistake and it wasn’t going to happen again. That seemed favorable over having to explain that you kicked him out because you couldn’t stop thinking about him as much as you were already.

“I know I said some crazy things.” He was moving his hand off your wrist to hold onto your palm gently, holding it at the same level of his chest and looking into your eyes with a hint of desperation in his. “If I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. I’d never ever want to do that to you.”

“You didn’t.” You were shaking your head and quick to reassure him, not wanting him to fall into that mindset. “It’s just.. we can’t do this Heeseung. It’s not right and you know we can’t.”

“Why?” He was saying it in bewilderment, really emphasizing the word like he truly didn’t understand what was so wrong about you messing around together.

“Look Hee, I get that it’s hard but it’s not that big of a deal. You’re going to go off to college and find a girl your age that, preferably isn’t your best friends sister.” You were sighing and giving him a sad smile as you spoke, trying to lighten the situation and calm him down. “It’s not like you’re inlove with me or anything.”

He froze up at the words and didn’t say anything, just staring down at you with a strange expression that took you a few seconds to decipher. Your mouth parted with realization and you quickly dropped your hand from his, taking a small step back and covering your lips with your fingers.

He winced at your reaction and looked away from you so you couldn’t see the way his eyes shook, body tight and rigid where he stood in front of you. Neither of you needed to say anything for you to understand the situation.

“Listen Y/N.” He was starting to try and explain but you raised your hand to silence him, shaking it slightly to really indicate that you couldn’t handle hearing him speak right now.

“Since when?” You were asking quickly, voice stern and forceful as your mind kept replaying the past few years and any possible sign you’d missed from the boy. Your stomach turned at the fact he wasn’t just making passes out you to have some fun, it didn’t mean nothing to him what had happened last night and you’d probably deeply hurt him when you kicked him out afterwards.

“Since forever.” He was saying it in a weak tone and his nose scrunched up like he knew the words would put the final nail in the coffin, confirming that he’s always had feelings for you.

“Fuck.” You were breathing out and taking another step away from him, shaking your head and feeling tears well up in your eyes as you looked at him.

He didn’t say anything else after that, knowing there was nothing he could say that could convince you this situation was alright. You wanted to tell him that you weren’t upset with him, that he didn’t do anything wrong by feeling this way or telling you, but your words completely failed you as shock took over your body.

You felt sick over kicking him out without any care last night, even worse about how much you rejected him in high school and the realization that he most likely never had a girlfriend because he was so enamored with you all these years. You thought about the boys you’d brought home, never thinking twice about the way his jaw clenched as he left the room whenever somebody would stay for dinner.

Then you thought about the last time you remember seeing him, the nervous look in his eye as he handed you the bouquet full of your favorite flowers and the way he’d gotten caught off as he tried to explain why he’d gotten them.

“The babys breath.” You were finally saying after a bit of tense silence, looking up at him and finding him already watching you with a dejected look. You didn’t need to explain what you were implying for him to understand, nodding his head softly.

“Everlasting love.” He was answering in a weak voice and he gave you a sad smile, eyes watering as he turned his head again to look out towards the water.

You weren’t sure what to say to him after that, just watching the side of his face and feeling your heart shatter for all the time he spent struggling with this. You couldn’t lie and tell him you understood how he felt and it wasn’t fair to yourself to feel guilty when you didn’t know but you cared about him deeply and you didn’t want him to be in pain.

He was tensing him when you stepped closer, resting your hand gently on his arm to warn him of your approach before you were pulling him in for a hug.

His chest lifted with a heavy inhale of relief at the feeling of you wrapping your arms around him, rubbing his back softly and letting him duck his head down into your neck. You found yourself not caring about the possibility of somebody walking out and seeing you in such an intimate position, only focusing on making him feel better and helping him understand the affection you carried for him.

You stayed like that for a while, just feeling his chest rise against yours and his soft breath on your neck. Then you were pulling back to get a better look at him and his expression, trying to read what he was feeling.

You’d planned to say something of comfort, to voice actual reassurance but you had no opportunity to do so considering he was leaning forward the second your lips began to part.

Kissing Heeseung was never something you’d thought about, even after the past few days it hadn’t been your number one focus but you suddenly felt very stupid for taking the action for granted. You’d kissed lots of people before, boyfriends or blind dates but nobody had ever felt as perfect as he did.

His hands were coming up to cup your face, gentle in the way he was touching you but pushing into the kiss with a raging desperation that made your heart clench again. You returned it the best you could, not able to match up with his years of longing but just as intoxicated by the feeling of him against you.

Heeseung kept pulling you deeper and deeper in, holding onto you like he was terrified of you pulling away and telling him it was a mistake again, that he was something you weren’t able to do. You squeezed your arms that were still around his back to try and silently reassure him that you weren’t going anywhere and he pulled back to place his forehead against yours, staring into your eyes with tears still in his.

You felt your heart shatter again at the look on his face, then even more so at the realization that you just wanted to keep kissing him.

“Just give me a chance.” He was whispering out and his lip grazed yours as he spoke the words.

You frowned softly and looked at him, standing on your tip toes for a second to press another kiss against his lips and bringing a hand up to gently push the hair out of his face. He watched you as you did this but you could tell he wasn’t fully letting himself be vulnerable until you confirmed that you would give this an actual attempt.

You stared at him for a while, your mind and your heart telling you two different things and your face crumbled slightly. “We can’t.”

Your voice came out in a small whisper but he caught it immediately, expression hardening up as he took a step away from you. Your hands were reaching out to try and grab him again instinctively but he was clenching his jaw and shaking his head and he turned to leave the deck, heading back inside without another word and leaving you standing there with the taste of him still on your lips.

——

The next two days were miserable, full of him clearly avoiding you and your body longing for him to be close even for a second. You didn’t try to approach him again or complain considering he had to deal with this feeling for half of his life, wanting something this desperately that you couldn’t have was really dampening your mood for the trip and you’d barely left the lake house.

Your mother had actually convinced you to go down to the water today, sensing your sour mood and just assuming you were still feeling weird about coming home. She told you that some sun on your skin would make you feel better and you agreed with her despite the different circumstances.

Dinner had just finished and you were wearing your bathing suit in the kitchen, at the sink cleaning up the dishes from all the boys who had already raced down to the water. You’d told your parents to go ahead without out since they had cooked and been working so hard, citing that you’d follow behind after you finished cleaning up.

It was barely twenty minutes into clearing the dining room and scrubbing at the seemingly endless amount of plates when you heard somebody come back into the house.

“Mom? I’m almost done.” You were calling out, thinking she was coming back inside to check on you but you froze up when somebody else rounded the corner instead.

Heeseung didn’t come fully into the dining room, just watching you for a moment with an unreadable expression on his face. He was only wearing his swim trunks and his hair was dripping onto his shoulders. You would’ve scolded him for the small puddle forming under his feet but you knew it wasn’t your place anymore.

“Oh. Did you need something?” Your voice was awkward and you saw him tongue his cheek as you spoke, glancing away for a second before he was taking a few steps further into the room and you quickly looked down at the sink so you didn’t have to stare at him.

You expected him to just ignore you and pass through the kitchen, getting whatever it was that he needed before heading back outside to the water.

Your mouth was dropping up in a surprised gasp when he did the opposite and your entire body tensed up at the feeling of him directly behind you. He wasn’t fully touching you but you could feel the wetness of his shorts graze against your lower back and a shiver ran through you, both from the cold and his close proximity.

“What are you-“ You were cut off as your words turned into a soft whine, Heeseung completely pressing against you from behind and your stomach hit the edge of the counter uncomfortably.

You could feel his hands sliding over your waist to grab at your hips, tugging just your backside harder against him and shifting you forward until you were practically bending over the sink. You could feel the loose water from doing the dishes wetting your bikini top, nipples hardening under the cold water and you instinctively shifted your hips backwards to try and get away from the feeling.

“Heeseung.” You were gasping out in a warning but he didn’t seem to take it as one, squeezing your hips harder at the sound of your voice.

It was an overwhelming high to be touched by him again, your body lighting up with an intense fire at the feeling of his body pressed against you but the logical side of you couldn’t help but feel strange considering you hadn’t talked in two days due to your previous rejection.

“Do you want it?” His voice was low and you felt tears spring to your eyes with how badly you’d missed hearing him speak to you, squeezing them shut even though he couldn’t see your face anyways.

He was shifting his hips purposely, dragging his cock against your barely clothed bottom and you arched instinctively back into him, head dropping lower into another small whine and you were nodding your head in earnest. He didn’t react to your silent confirmation, squeezing your side almost uncomfortably until you got the memo.

“Yes yes, please. I want it so bad.” You were gasping out and he automatically rolled his hips into yours again, tugging you further into him each time he did it so you could fully feel him dragging himself against you. The cold of his shorts quickly disappeared considering you were completely on fire, throbbing in your bottoms and trying your hardest to push against his grip so you could meet him halfway in his slow movements.

“Walking around dressed like this.” His voice was pained as he spoke, low and bordering on a growl as he thrust against you with more force. “I know this is what you wanted, wanted me to come and fuck you until you couldn’t think.”

It hadn’t even your intention when you dressed in your swimsuit but you couldn’t lie and pretend you hadn’t thought about him as you put it on, not needing to deliberate between the black or pink one before you were slipping the latter on and heading downstairs.

He was relentless in the way he was fucking against you, thankful for his rough hands on your hips stopping you from slamming continuously into the counters. You were a nonstop mess of moans and whines as he kept getting harder and more rough, his cock pressing against you and making your head spin with desire for him.

Your hand was slipping off the counter and shakily going around your back, tugging at the string of fabric on your waist impatiently and his breath caught in his throat, pausing in his movements and causing a frustrated whine to slip out of you.

“Yeah?” He was genuinely asking but the tone in which he said it made your stomach flip, more wetness pushing out of you as you practically sobbed with the need to feel him. He took the hint this time and was hurriedly pulling down your bottoms, pausing once your core was completely bare and exposed. “Fuck Y/N, look at you.”

You flushed at the adoration in his voice and you were grateful he couldn’t see your face from this angle, your hips shifting uncomfortably and accidentally showcasing yourself off to his eager eyes more. He didn’t say anything else but you could still feel him staring at you, letting out a sharp cry when his hands were coming up to touch you gently. He wasn’t groping you, his fingers experimentally spreading you apart so he could see the way your hole clenched around nothing.

“So fucking pretty.” His voice was sounding again and you felt truly humiliated now, your heart racing faster with every compliment said in that genuine tone.

You decided to put an end to his gentle behavior, pushing your hips backwards so his fingers were accidentally touching you more and he was getting the memo that you wanted him to fuck against you again. You knew he wouldn’t actually fuck you, not quick and rough like this but you were grateful when he was standing up to press against you again.

“Please Hee, please.” You were whimpering out and he wasted no time building it up slow, immediately gripping your waist again and aggressively fucking himself against you. He was still wearing his thin swim trunks but you could feel it all so much better now that you were naked and he was completely hard.

His fingers were wet against your side from where he’d been touching you and you felt dizzy as his hard cock keep pressing against you, throbbing and on the verge of begging for him to just take you raw right here in the kitchen.

Your heart was racing at the thought of somebody walking in right now, the floor plan so open that all it would take is somebody needing a towel or a quick trip to the bathroom. Heeseung didn’t seem to care and you let out another cry when his hand was off your hip and tangling in your hair, tugging softly and then harder when you let out a moan of approval.

He was pulling you up by his grip so your back was pressed against his chest, wrapping his free arm around your stomach to keep you in place and he kept humping against you.

You felt embarrassed that he could see your face now, staring at your side profile and the way your mouth was open and letting out streams of moans. His big hand was sliding off your stomach to aggressively grope your chest, tugging down your bathing suit top with little effort and wasting no time before he was squeezing the mounds and tugging on your hardened nipples.

It was rough and aggressive, bordering on painful but it was everything you needed after him barely even looking at you the entire weekend. You were leaning into his brutal touches and pushing your hips back against his and he continued to fuck up into you.

You knew the scene had to be pornographic considering the way he had swiftly undressed you, not even fully taking off your top as it dangled over your stomach.

His hand was abandoning your chest to grip your jaw and you were confused for a moment as he twisted your head sideways until you realized he was trying to move your face closer together, his hooked over your shoulder and still watching your expressions this entire time.

Your eyes softened when you saw his face for the first time since he’d stepped behind you, tears of pleasure completely slipping out now despite his unreadable expression. His eyes were dropping to your lips and less than a second later he was pulling you in for a deep kiss. The kiss was a direct opposition to the way he was ramming into you, soft and gentle as he held your cheek to stop you from turning your head straight again.

You melted into his touch, completely forgetting about the addicting feeling of him pushing against you as his tongue slipped softly into your mouth and you desperately tried to take him deeper.

“You like it?” He was whispering into your mouth and you nodded immediately, trying to stretch and pull him into the kiss again but he didn’t let you and you whined softly. “Tell me you like it, tell me I make you feel good.”

“You make me feel so good.” You were crying out in stuttered gasp as he rammed into you with a few particularly hard thrust, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of him pressed against your swollen clit and the familiar feeling in your stomach building up.

“Make you feel better than anyone else right? I know how to please you, don’t I?” He was saying it in a low steady voice but you could tell he was genuinely searching for the reassurance and not just bragging about his abilities. Your heart clenched at the reminder of your conversation and how he might be feeling right now but you nodded quickly.

“Only you Hee, only you.” You were mumbling back to him in a fucked out voice and he finally kissed you again, wet and sloppy before he was letting go of your face and sliding his hand down your stomach.

Your stomach tightened up at the feeling of his fingers against you again, paired with the stimulation of his cock rubbing into you slowly. He was rubbing your clit gently and kissing you at the same time, messier now that he wasn’t holding your face in place and you could barely keep yourself focused long enough to control all your limbs.

“Cmon baby.” He was whispering into your mouth and you let out a small sob at the overwhelming pleasure building up, completely relying on him now to hold you up. “Go ahead and cum for me sweetheart, it’s alright.”

His words were so gentle despite the roughness in which he was still handling you and the combination of that, mixed with his low voice in your ear, quickly sent you over the edge. His fingers weren’t moving off of you as you came, dipping lower between your thighs to better feel the wetness dripping out of you and you were worried you’d complete collapse from the ecstasy of him touching you like that.

He held you up like that for a few beats and let you catch your breath before he was gently lifting you up and placing you on top of the towel that was on the counter for the wet dishes.

You watched him with hooded and tired eyes as he helped tie back up your top and pull your bottoms up over your sensitive core. Pausing awkwardly when he wet a rat and gently wiped down your thighs and stared at the marks he’d left on your hips and waist.

“Hee.” You were muttering out and he automatically shook his head at the sound of you voice, giving you a hurt look that made your heart fall. He clearly didn’t want to speak about it, or even speak in general right now and you felt a bit sick at the fact he was taking such gentle care of you despite the fact you’d hurt him and didn’t give him the same attention last time you’d done something like this together.

You were freezing up suddenly when you heard somebody coming in through the side door, confused why Heeseung wasn’t moving out of the damning position he was stood in between your legs as you watched Sunghoon round into the house.

Your eyes were wide as you stared at him, preparing to explain yourself until you realized he didn’t look extremely surprised. His eyes glanced at yours like he was slightly thrown off but he just cleared his throat and awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. “They’re heading up so you might want to go somewhere else.”

He was disappearing to go change as Heeseung mumbled a small thanks, not turning to look at him and you stared down at him in bewilderment.

“You told him?” You whisper yelled and he looked at you when he heard the upset in your voice, watching you with that same unreadable expression and sighing softly.

“He’s always known.” He explained in a casual tone, like it wasn’t a big deal at all that another person knew about your weird situation. You just stared at him in shock as he continued to clean you up softly. “Guess I’m not very good at pretending to not be inlove with you.”

He looked at you after he finished saying the heavy sentence and your face softened slightly, wanting to reach out to him as he took a few steps back and folded the rag up in his hands. You knew he was implying that that was the reason he had approached you just now and your heart hurt at the fact he was still clearly going to be avoiding you.

You could hear the rest of the boys laughing as they came up the stairs and the sound of your dad complaining about their sandy feet on the deck, not bothering to get off the counter and avoid some questions as you watched Heeseung disappear back upstairs where Sunghoon had gone.

——

“But we always have a movie night on the last night.” Sunoo was kneeling on your bed at the lake house, complaining with a small pout as he tugged at the blankets you were currently hiding under. “It’s tradition.”

“I’m really not feeling good guys.” You were groaning and fighting with his grip to try and cover your head back up.

“Jungwon told us to pull out all the guilt tripping tricks.” Riki’s voice was coming from the doorway and you lowered the blanket just enough to be able to glare at him from behind it for bringing up your brother, activating your soft spot that caused you to sigh and release your hold on the fabric.

Sunoo was cheering excitedly and bouncing a little on your bed, standing off of it in a hurry to pull you up and start dragging down towards the living room. You smiled softly at his enthusiasm but it quickly fell off your face when you caught sight of the reason for your hiding.

Heeseung was sitting on the couch, pressed against the arm rest with a bored expression and a large hoodie pulled over his fluffy hair. He wasn’t looking at you but you knew he had heard you coming considering the cloudy expression he had, your own frown slipping onto your face as you looked at him.

The rest of the boys were quickly taking their seats, coming from the kitchen with snacks or the basement with extra blankets and pillows to throw across the floor. You watched them for a bit too long, not noticing until it was too late that they had taken all of the spots except for the one next to Heeseung on the couch.

He seemed to notice this too and his eyes fell on you, guilt in your expression as you looked at him for permission and a small breath of relief slipped out when he gave you a barely noticeable nod.

You were rigid as you sat beside him, trying your hardest to stay still so you didn’t accidentally collide with his legs or side but he scoffed softly before he was sitting up to grab one of the blankets off the floor. You watched him in confusion and he spread it out and placed it over both of you, shifted his body so you had no choice but to lean towards him and your heart raced at the fact you were pressed against his side.

You figured he was going to ignore you for the rest of the trip, possibly for the rest of your time back in town just to clear his head of you, so you were touched that he was still hellbent on you being comfortable even when you weren’t talking.

He glanced over at you as the movie started to play and you gave him a small smile, barely seeing him return it before the lights were flickering off.

The first half of the movie went as normal despite the fact you couldn’t seem to focus with the feeling of Heeseung breathing beside you. Jay was on your right but he’d fallen asleep almost as soon as the lights had gone out and you could hear him snoring softly from where his head was laid back against the couch.

You shifted uncomfortably after about an hour and you could feel Heeseung glancing at you in question before he leaned closer to whisper something in your ear.

“What’s wrong?” He was saying it softly and your face flushed at the proximity and the fact he was talking to you again.

“Nothing… just sore a little bit.” You mumbled back hesitantly, suddenly thinking about the rough way his hands had gripped you yesterday.

He didn’t say anything for a while and you were worried he hadn’t heard you, or even worse he had and was feeling bad about the bruises covering your skin. It wasn’t your intention to bring it up in that way and you were just about to lean forward again to tell him that when you felt his hand sliding over your stomach gently.

You sucked in a sharp breath at the feeling and you saw Sunoo glancing at you in concern, giving him a soft smile and pretending to yawn while you felt Heeseung’s hand sliding across your smooth skin.

You glanced over at him but he was just watching the movie like it was no big deal, like he wasn’t touching you underneath the covers in a room full of people, including your little brother who was laying down on his stomach on the floor in front of you. He wasn’t touching you inappropriately, just softly kneading where the bruises might be but your heart was racing anyways just from being near him.

There was no use in pretending you didn’t have feelings for him, your longing going far beyond kissing him or having him touch you. You’d missed him deeply these past few days of awkwardness, barely getting by listening to him laugh with the other boys or crack jokes with your dad.

It made you feel sick every time his smile dropped when you entered a room, wishing you could say something that would help him feel more comfortable around you that didn’t involve accepting his request at a chance to be together.

“Feel good?” His breath was fanning the side of your face as he spoke into your ear and you stiffened up a bit despite the lack of tease in his tone.

“You can’t say stuff like that.” You warned him in return and when you pulled back you saw that his eyes had darkened in realization, understanding your squirming as his eyes darted to your lips for a second.

He was watching you intently as he rubbed your skin and for a moment you thought he was going to ignore your comment, going to just keep caressing the injuries he’d caused and not address the implication of your words. Then his hand was leaving your side and slipping into your shorts and your mouth parted at the feeling of his fingers pressing against you.

He held eye contact with you as he dipped a finger between your wet folds, rubbing slightly and leaning forward so he could breathe in the small gasp you let out. You instinctively leaned forward to capture him in a kiss but he pulled his head away and glanced around to make sure nobody had seen your mistake.

You’d almost completely forgotten you weren’t alone and your heart sunk for a second before he was applying more pressure against you and you decided you didn’t care. Your hips were rolling forward against his hand and he eyed you with slight warning, using his other hand to try and hold your body still.

He gently took your leg and pulled it across his lap so you were completely spread open for him, rubbing in soft circles for a few seconds before he was sinking a finger deep inside you and curling it up. You would’ve lurched forward if it wasn’t for his hold on you and you quietly leaned your face into his shoulder to muffle the moan that ripped through your throat.

All you could focus on was him, his scent from his hoodie that you were burying your face into it and his large hands moving you around effortlessly. He was pushing another finger in before you had any time to prepare and you rolled your hips again to try and pull him in deeper.

You could feel his hard cock underneath your leg now and you shifted it so it fell directly against him, listening to the way his breath hitched. You were thankful the boys had picked such an action packed movie, reaching its climax and the volume was blaring with loud crashes and explosions.

You wet your lips instinctively, overwhelmed with the desire to kiss him and he noticed the movement, eyes flashing to your lips and then back up to your eyes. You felt completely addicted to him, willing to let him drag you out from the under the covers and fuck you raw right here if that’s what he wanted but he was quickly bringing you back to reality when he was taking his hand away from you.

You felt completely empty and cold as he stood up from the couch within seconds and disappeared upstairs, not sparing you a glance as your eyes widened in shock and you did nothing but watch him leave.

“What happened?” Your brother was turning his head to look at you in confusion and you felt a wave of embarrassment before remembering you were covered by the blanket.

“I don’t know, he said he felt sick.” You quickly lied and Jungwon’s eyes flashed with worry as he glanced back towards the stairs. “I’ll go check on him.”

He gave you a soft smile and a nod before turning back to the movie with interest, not knowing that your stomach was turning uncomfortably as you adjusted your shorts and scurried your way up the stairs and in the direction Heeseung had gone.

You threw open the guest bedroom door when you got up there and found him pacing in upset, hands running through his hair and he froze and shot you a sharp glare when you came inside. You shut the door behind you and looked at him in confusion, taking a few hesitant steps in his direction.

“What wrong? What happened?” You were asking him softly and his expression only darkened with more anger at your gentle confused tone.

“Why the fuck are you doing this?” He was spitting out and your face fell at the hurt in his words, shaking your head to indicate you didn’t understand which only seemed to upset him more. “You said we can’t be together. You said that.”

He was pointing an accusatory finger in your direction and you took another step forward, slightly surprised when he didn’t walk away or tell you to stop approaching. His face twisted up when you got closer however and you were worried he might start to cry.

“You know why I said that.” You were telling him earnestly and your head felt dizzy from how confusing this all was. “It’s not… it’s not because I don’t want to or because I don’t like you. You know that, don’t you?”

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds and your heart shattered at the realization he clearly didn’t understand that. You felt guilty for not saying it outright and for letting your fear hurt him this bad, your selfishness continuing to let him close physically despite the emotional barrier between the two of you.

“I like you Heeseung.” You were telling him firmly and your hands were reaching up to cup his face, his eyes softening as he instinctively pushed his head into your touch and his hands came up to hold onto your wrist softly. “That isn’t why we can’t be together, it has nothing to do with it.”

He looked sad again at the reminder that you weren’t willing to give this a real chance and you expected him to strike up a rebuttal, to try and convince you again but he didn’t say anything. He was just pulling you into a soft kiss and your hands slowly fell off his face as you leaned into it.

It felt like everything was made right the second you were kissing him again, that terrible feeling disappearing from your stomach and you relished in the comfort and safety that overwhelmed you as his hands held your back gently and kept you against him.

He was pulling back after a bit and your eyes fluttered open in confusion as you looked up at him. “Tell me you can go without it. Tell me that you’ll be able to go back to normal and never touch me again once we get home, and I’ll leave you alone forever.”

His words hung heavy in the little space between your bodies and you knew he already knew your answer without you saying. You knew he had realized the way you crave him, not nearly as long or as tragic as he did for you but it was there and overwhelming. He was simply asking you to say it, to lie to him and give him the answer that he needed to be able to stay away from you.

Your eyes were watering and his hands were gentle in the way they wiped your tears, always gentle even when you didn’t feel your deserved it from him.

“I can’t.” You were repeating the words you’d said on the deck in a broken whisper but this time they didn’t make his face crumble. This time you watched the relief pass through his eyes before he was squeezing you softly and pulling you back up for another deep kiss.

You felt overwhelmingly anxious at the thought of giving it a go, of having to tell Jungwon and risk disappointing him or worse and having to cross that heavy line with Heeseung that you wouldn’t be able to come back from, but you realized that you’d already crossed it the moment you opened the door and saw him again.

So you let Heeseung kiss you in excitement and you giggled into his mouth when he lifted you off the ground for a little spin, unable to contain himself after years of pining and wishing to hold you close like this. You still felt that guilt for not noticing his feelings sooner but you were relieved to know you could make up for it now, pulling him in for a deeper kiss and letting your worries disappear for the time being.

They came back full force the next day when you decided to tell Jungwon before you headed home again.

You didn’t want him to find out on accident, not thinking it was fair for him to walk in on you or somehow just understand from the way you looked at each other. He deserved to be told directly and that’s what you kept telling yourself as you stood in front of the room he was using. Heeseung had offered to come with you to take half of the reaction on himself but you knew it needed to just be you and your brother.

He was smiling at you happily when you pushed the door open slowly but it fell slightly when he noticed the worried look on your face.

“Can we talk?” You were muttering to him and he nodded immediately, taking your hand gently and leading you over to sit on his bed with him. He turned his body to face yours and give you his full attention and your heart swelled from how sweet he always was.

“Are you okay?” He asked in a soft voice and you nodded, hesitating as you tried to think of how to word this in a way that wouldn’t completely take him off guard. “Is this about you and Heeseung hyung?”

Your eyes were widening immediately, your hand coming up to cover your mouth as you looked at him in complete surprise. He was still watching you with a gentle worried expression but his mouth quirked up slightly at your reaction to his sudden statement. You dropped your hands back into your lap and your eyebrows furrowed.

“You knew?” You rushed out and he laughed softly before nodding, glancing down at the bed before he was looking at you again and shrugging softly. “How long have you known?”

“I mean.. sorta forever.” He was wincing as he said it in anticipation for the second gasp you let out, followed by a groan as your head fell into your hands. “He used to ask me to marry you like every other night… it took me longer to realize you liked him back but it was bond to happen. I was kind of hoping it would stop you from moving so far away honestly.”

“Wait.. are you saying you thought I liked Heeseung all the way back in high school?” You were cocking your head slightly in bewilderment and now it was his turn to stare at you in confusion, clearly misunderstanding the timeline.

“I mean, yeah. Didn’t you? You’d always talk about him and complain about the stuff he said to you but anyone could tell you thought it was funny.” He was smiling as he spoke, reflecting back on it and you stared at him like he had three heads.

“So I spent this entire time terrified about you finding out, and you knew the entire time?” You were saying it slowly but when he gave you a nod of confirmation you reached forward to shove his shoulder softly.

He laughed at your upset but then he was taking your hand in his and squeezing it, lifting it slightly to bring your attention back on him so you could see how serious he was. You watched your little brother with a new sense of calmness now that he knew and you felt relief running through you as he spoke his next statement.

“As long as you’re happy, I don’t care.” He was saying and you could feel the truth behind his statement, tears springing to your eyes at how sincerely he was telling you this. “Regardless if that means moving far away for school or.. kissing Heeseung.”

You laughed softly at the way his face curled up in disgust at the last part and he smiled before you were pulling him in for a tight hug, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and being extremely grateful that the universe had given you the most understanding little brother to ever exist.

After a few more teary embraces, you were leaving him to finish packing up and heading back to your room. Before you went down the entirety of the hallway, you paused and took a few steps backwards so you were stood in front of a different door instead.

Your heart was pounding slightly and you knocked softly on the familiar wood, standing there and shifting in place as you waited for him to come and answer the door. You’d seen him in a similar way hundreds of times, telling you dinner was ready or showing up at your house to play video games, hundreds of times you’ve opened a door to see his smiling face looking back at you with that same look in his eye.

And now it was time for you to return it, one hundred and one.

Your heart was pounding slightly and you knocked softly on the familiar wood, standing there and shifting in place as you waited for him to come and answer the door. You’d seen him in a similar way hundreds of times, telling you dinner was ready or showing up at your house to play video games, hundreds of times you’ve opened a door to see his smiling face looking back at you with that same look in his eye.

And now it was time for you to return it, one hundred and one.

-

#enhypen #enhypen drabbles #enhypen fanfiction #heeseung #heeseung drabbles #heeseung x reader #jake enhypen #heeseung smut #sunghoon enhypen #jay enhypen #jungwon enhypen #sunoo enhypen #enhypen riki #enhypen fanfic #enhypen smut #enhypen angst #enhypen au #enhypen fic #enhypen hard hours #enhypen hard thoughts

[plussizeficchick]

Okay so I think as an alpha, it’s hard to get Tamaki angry, but once he does, he goes feral.

Like normally, he has exceptional control over his instincts. He’s not as territorial as others, but there is one thing that can send him into a frenzy.

And that was someone threatening his claim.

You almost felt bad for the poor excuse of an alpha that tried his luck with you. But you’d warned him. You’d been polite, informing him you weren’t interested and were already claimed, but he insisted, was certain he could be a better alpha than the one that would dare let you out of his sight.

You figured since he wasn’t taking a hint that your best bet would be to be direct, harsh even, but it seemed bruising his ego only seemed to stoke his flame.

He didn’t seem to notice your scent changing, the smell of frankincense overpowering your usual scent of lilies and patchouli. And he definitely didn’t notice your alpha stalking over to you guys, too focused on trying to get you home with him.

The alpha doesn’t realize what’s happened until he feels the warm gush of blood running from his nose and the harsh pavement under the palm of his hands. He reaches up to assess the damage before letting out a hiss at the searing pain that shoots to his face.

Yep, definitely broken.

He grits his teeth and looks up at the fucker that dared to hit him, but isn’t prepared to come face to face with Pro Hero Suneater.

“What the fuck, do you think you’re doing to my mate?” Tamaki grits out, eyes lit with hatred for the alpha in front of him. Normally, he’s a talker. He hates when situations escalate to violence, but this guy knew what he was doing, your claiming mark clear as day.

“Hey man, I-I didn’t know-” He tries to stammer but Tamaki is quick to shut that down. “But you did, I heard her say it. Multiple times.” He blankly stares at the guy before hauling him up by his collar. “So here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to leave with the shred of dignity you have left, and if I find that you’re harassing omegas again, you’re going to be left with more than a fucked face. Do I make myself clear?” The man’s head nearly flies off the way he nods in affirmation and Tamaki drops him where he stands.

He’s immediately on you, checking you to ensure there’s not a scratch on you before he guides you out of the park.

— —

You’re aware of how Tamaki gets after a huge display of dominance. He’s still pumped up on adrenaline and needs a way to release the frustration before becoming a recluse.

It's one of the rare times in which he loses complete composure.

As soon as you’re both through the threshold he’s hoisting you up, your thick thighs wrapping around his waist to pull him further into you.

He’s mouthing at your neck, tongue laving over your claiming mark before he kisses his way to your lips, licking into your mouth. You moan against him, his clothed cock pressing against your cunt through your panties. You feel slick pool between your legs, soaking the fabric. “Please, Tama.” You whine. He offers you a bit of relief when he reaches a hand down and rips your underwear off. “Don’t worry bunny, I’ve got you.” He murmurs into your mouth. He can hardly wait, opting to just haphazardly pull down his sweats and boxers. He jerks himself off really quick, moaning at the feeling before pushing into you.

You both groan at the feeling, Tamaki trying to quell his whimpers by gnawing at your claiming mark. You whimper as he bites the sensitive skin, cunt clenching around him.

You jerk in his arms, your orgasm already fast approaching even though it feels he’s just getting started. “Fuck, bunny. So wet f’me. Am I making you feel good?” He murmurs, big indigo eyes looking up at you. Even through spats of dominance, glimpses of your Tamaki shine through. You nod at his words, tears beginning to build in your lash line, “Yeah, gonna cum f’ you, Tama. Gonna-” The words escape you as your orgasm washes over you, mouth open in a silent scream. He works you through it, reaching a hand down to rub your clit and nibbling around your claiming mark. He slowly pulls out, easing you down as you relax. He pulls his hand from you before putting his fingers into his mouth, groaning at the taste of your combined flavor.

“You always taste so good for me, bunny.” He presses a sweet kiss to your lips. You look up at him with a dopey smile before you feel what seems like suction cups on your thighs. You look to see Tamaki’s fingers have turned into tentacles before looking back at him.

“Mind if I have more?”

— —

Taglist: @xogabbiexo @kinq-sleazee @dabilovesme @sintiva @blkchxrryblyss @tenyaiidasslut @luna-indigoduh @bookwormsenpai @bl--ankhaeji @thicksimpx @namjoonswifeyy @nasty-quillz @haikyutiehoe @musicisme333 @unsatisfiedanddisappointed @celi-xxmoon

#x chubby reader #chubby reader #tamaki x chubby reader #tamaki x reader #bnha x chubby reader #bnha x black reader #x black reader #tamaki amajiki x reader #x reader #anime x black!reader #bnha x reader

[deathbxnny]

☆《Voicelines about their S/O's!》☆

-----♡

A/N: This is another request brought to you by the Yanqing Anon! I hope you guys like it!<33

Featured characters: Yanqing, Arlan, Dan Heng

Content: Established relationship, fluff, jealousy, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Sorry for any mistakes!))

-----♡

》Yanqing

◇What he thinks of them:

"Oh? My lover? What I think of them? Haha, they are all I think about! They are always so kind and gentle, beautiful and delicate like the finest feathers of a crane... Ah, I should maybe stop there, before I talk your ear off about them!"

◇Jealousy:

"Hm? Oh sorry... is it really that noticeable that I'm angry...? Ah well... someone tried stealing my cranes attention today and I didn't really like that... if I'm Jealous...? I suppose I am... But who can blame me? That's my s/o after all. Their attention should only be mine during our alone time together ofcourse!"

◇Priorities:

"My first priority in an emergency situation is definitely getting my s/o to safety. Only then can I fight and focus in peace. Their safety calms my mind and soul, it's what I train so hard for too. As long as they are safe, I'm at peace."

◇Free Time:

"I spend all of my free time with my little crane, ofcourse! We usually go to the market to spend time together... or maybe we take naps under the shade of a tree in the warm sun. Ah, I hope, that my master will give me some time off again soon!"

-----♡

》Arlan

◇What he thinks of them:

"Oh well, I think they are kind and intelligent... I can always count on them to have my back, even on the most stressful days... I really don't know what I'd do without them here, that's for sure."

◇Jealousy:

"Huh? Oh... I'm not sick, why? My face is red? Ah, I'm just angry at something... some guy tried to talk to my s/o right infront of me! And everyone knows that we are together too- J-Jealous...? ... Maybe I am... but don't tell anyone that. It would be unprofessional of me to be on the job... right?"

◇ Priorities:

"As the head of the security department, the safety of everyone on the Spacestation is my responsibility. The first person I make sure gets to safety is definitely my s/o though... I couldn't live with myself, if something happened to them..."

◇Free time:

"I'm always busy somehow, so free time is quite rare and usually kinda comes in the form of taking care of Peppy. But my s/o usually joins me during those times and we spend all of my free time together then... With Peppy, ofcourse."

-----♡

》Dan Heng

◇What he thinks of them:

"Why do you want to know that? Just curious...? Hm, well, I suppose they are intelligent and kind... I think very highly of them and respect them greatly... that's all you have to know."

◇Jealousy:

"What is it? I look... angry? I just... didn't like how close that person was to them. Jealous? Me? No, surely not. They just better stay away from them... I'm not jealous-"

◇Priorities:

"Ofcourse, in battle, they will be the first person I protect, naturally. They are my lover after all. I won't let a scratch get on them either... Cute...? It's only fair, for all they've done for me."

◇Free Time:

"Most of my freetime on the Express is spent with them in the Archive room ofcourse. We usually organise everything and sort new information into the databanks... it might sound like work, but with them, it's relaxing and comforting to me... That's why I hope this mission ends soon."

-----♡

A/N: Thank you so much for the request again, dear Yanqing Anon! I'm sorry if some of the lines were ooc! I did my best, so I hope you guys like it!<33

#honkai star rail fanfic #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x you #hsr dan heng x reader #hsr dan heng #hsr yanqing #hsr Yanqing x reader #hsr arlan #hsr arlan x reader

[doobea]

BACK TO DECEMBER.

synopsis: Rin hates how cold the winter can be and everything that it stands for.

contents: unrequited love, non-mutual pinning, all angst no comfort, everyone needs therapy, heavy narration, gn!reader, childhood friends to lovers to exs, everything is written from rin's pov, sae can't manage his feelings, reader is mentally drained, extreme word vomit, proofread but not really word count: 1.4K a/n: all i can say is i am not sorry !! also i pray that they r not ooc ;-;

Rin hates how cold the winter can be and everything that it stands for. He hates the snowfall that prevents him from playing the only venting solution he has. He hates having to look through social media and seeing 'happy holidays' posts from his classmates and their extended families. He hates hearing his parents praise and beg his older brother to come visit over the break. And he especially hates the expression you wear every time you're reminded of it.

The last bell rings and the homeroom teacher that the two of you share wishes everyone to have a nice winter break. Rin watches your sullen figure from the corner of his teal eyes as you begin packing up for the day. Usually, around this time of year, his and your family would've thrown a joint holiday celebration that consisted of Christmas movie marathons, secret Santa exchanges, and an endless amount of hot chocolate to go around. From what he could remember, last year you and your family decided to spend the holidays separately - which was the first out of the many joint holidays spent together.

Not that he could blame you, it was hard trying to balance everything ever since what went down between you and Sae. Rin recalls the time when you called him in the middle of the winter night five years ago, nearly screeching from excitement, asking him what it's like becoming a third wheel.

He remembers his middle school self frowning, pausing the horror movie that he was watching to take in everything. "What do you mean by that?"

You huffed over the line, "Sae asked me out!"

Rin was visibly upset, unknowing why at the time. With a click of his tongue from annoyance, he sent a curt response before swiftly ending the call, not wanting to hear what you have to say back about his brother. At the time their sibling relationship wasn't too strained, things were relatively normal between the two of them and between the three of you.

You were practically their unofficial official cheerleader for their games and within their personal lives. Always the loudest one by the bleachers, wearing both of their jerseys, and sending passive-aggressive threats to the opposing team. Outside of that, the three of you were almost inseparable. With Sae being two years older, he was spending the majority of the time tutoring you and teaching Rin new tricks and tactics for soccer. More often than never, his parents treated you like a child of their own, inviting you over for dinner and impromptu movie nights.

And Rin remembers that all slightly changing once you and his brother had started dating. Everything seemed busy on your end, no longer finding the time to join him on his online games, wearing only his brother's number during soccer matches, and using him as an outlet for all of your relationship problems.

"Have you ever experienced a long-distance relationship before?" You had quietly asked.

That day, Sae stayed behind at school to talk privately to his guidance consoler about international high school options and sports scholarships. Rin and you decided to walk home together, a rare moment that both of you had forgotten about but somehow Sae was always the topic of conversation.

Rin tried rolling his eyes but couldn't. He couldn't seem to get mad at you, only feeling slightly angry and frustrated towards his brother. "No, but I'm sure everything will be fine." Which he meant, Sae had always kept everything in control.

"Still," Your weary voice trailed off, looking into the distance. "do you think he'll change? I mean 4 years is a long time..." You started going off on a tangent first worrying about Sae's safety, the language barrier, and ending it with insecurities about the relationship. "I mean what if he finds other girls there way prettier?"

Rin stopped in his tracks before flicking a finger toward your forehead. "Stop being an idiot, if Sae is gonna lose you then it's his lost."

Two weeks after that conversation was his brother's departure. There stood Rin, his parents, and you at the airport with Sae prepared to travel across the world to Europe with just a backpack that was a little too big for his stature and a bright red carry-on suitcase.

Rin remembers grimacing at the sight of you guys peppering kisses left and right, not wanting to let go of each other and having the six thousand-mile distance forcing its way between you two. He also remembers that day when Sae declared his love for you, promising that once he gets back that he'll be the number one striker in Japan with you right by his side. Throwing around half-empty promises to grant everyone VIP access, become the breadwinner of the family, and making his nation proud. Like you, Rin couldn't help but wholeheartedly believe in his words too.

After his departure, it seemed like you were slowly becoming Rin's best friend again. It was difficult maintaining the 7-hour difference, but you've learned to communicate with each other with messages being sent early in the morning for you and when it was bedtime for Sae. Soon four years went by in a blink of an eye. For a while, things were seemingly normal and Rin could finally relax and not think about you eating his brother's face off whenever he saw you. Secretly, he felt guilty having occasional thoughts of wanting Sae to stay longer in Spain.

Rin You hopping on tonight? You yea just gimme a sec!!

And that’s how every night ended up to be. The two of you would spend your nights playing whatever FPS horror game Rin had in mind, talking about recent soccer matches, how sophomore year of high school would suck, and with occasional updates with Sae.

That night went slightly differently.

"Your brother's been awfully quiet lately." Your voice sounded depressed through Rin's headset.

He mashed a couple of buttons on his keyboard, shooting the zombie right in its face before answering. "He's probably busy with training."

You groan on the other end and he sees your character die off-screen. "Yes, but he's been super distant on our calls and texts too. It's like he's turned off his emotions. Has he said anything to you about what's going on?"

Rin finished clearing the level, and the bright words 'VICTORY' flashed across the monitor as he shakes his head. "No, he hasn't."

The first year of high school then came to a close. Soon, Rin was hit with the abrupt news of his brother returning back right before the holiday break. Unfortunately, no one could've predicted the series of events that soon followed forth.

Rin remembers the hard lump in his throat, struggling to swallow down and look into Sae's hard dazed eyes. He remembers you stepping in between the two, chastising your boyfriend's sudden shift in personality and demanding that he apologize. He remembers Sae scrunching up his face before spatting out the fact that Rin is no longer an equal and that he had no interest in keeping you around - everything was suddenly a distraction to his personal dream. That was also the first and only time where Rin remembers you crying.

It was safe to say that the yearly joint-family gathering was postponed. You had quickly made up an excuse to hang out with your other friends over the holiday, which was a clear lie, and Sae immediately shut himself in his room for the remainder of the winter break until he had to travel out again. Rin had tried numerous times texting and calling you, but his messages went straight to voicemail. A week later and you sent him what would've been your last message.

You I'm sorry but I don't think we can be friends anymore. It'll just remind me too much of him.

As if he couldn't hate his brother even more, this was the final nail in the coffin.

When sophomore year of high school came around, it was hard for Rin to not notice you. Especially since you were practically his deskmate. But you did a good job of ignoring him and ignoring everything associated with both of the brothers, too good of a job Rin had thought. You were no longer interested in soccer but that didn't stop him from searching for your figure in the bleachers at every game. That didn't stop him from seeing if you were online and open for an FPS match, even though you had blocked him over a year ago. He hasn't forgotten about you and the impact you carried into his life and it didn't help that his mom would ask about how you were doing ever so often.

Rin thinks about calling out to you as you begin to walk out of the classroom, wanting to scold you for not bringing a scarf or wearing a heavier jacket, but something heavy gnaws at his chest. He stops and watches you leave the building, skies cloudy with a chance of heavy snowfall.

He stations at his desk and thinks to himself, winter has never felt so lonely.

#bllk x reader #blue lock #doobea writing #bllk #blue lock imagines #blue lock x reader #rin itoshi x reader #sae itoshi x reader #itoshi rin x reader #Itoshi rin #sae itoshi #itoshi sae #itoshi sae x reader #rin itoshi

[ch3rriiii-bunn]

Hello!! It’s me again. I am simply obsessed with the Kokushibo x fem! Reader that I requested, the “after hours” story. Like, it’s my favorite story currently.

I’m wanting to request a nsfw Muzan x fem! Reader where he has a maid (reader) and he saw her on the floor trying to scrub a spot off the floor that is refusing to come off. (her maid uniform/ outfit is short so her ass is peaking out) So he decides to pick her up by her forearm and leads her to his bedroom/chamber (not sure what to call it) and fucks her. (Not unwanted sex.)

I swear, requesting nsfw is awkward.😭

I’m so sorry for this request being a really long request, I hope this makes sense.😭

Please, take your time and have a good weekend and good next week!

Temptation

Pairing: Muzan x Fem!maid reader

Synopsis: Muzan seeing his maid bent over while cleaning and her not realizing how hard she made him♡

Content: Maid outfit, clothes on sex, Muzan is a ass man, Muzan being somewhat nice 😱, Dom Muzan, size kink (Muzan has a big pp), sub reader, Horny Muzan, doggy style, oral (M receiving), throat fucking, praising/degrading, edging, cum eating, creampie

Word count: 2.5k♡

A/n: Nooo don't feel awkward!!! You made a lot of sense dw. Hope you like this!♡

"How frustrating," Muzan said to himself in a low growl under his breath as he walked into his home. Nakime teleported Muzan back home after today's many failed experiences to make a replica of the blue spider lily. He has been trying to conquer the sun for many years and has invested his time searching and studying about this flower.

Knowing this, an annoyed day is very usual for Muzan. He is rarely satisfied, but today, he was angry. Angry another day went by with a failed experiment, and none of his upper ranks brought him news about the flower he desperately needed. Muzan lossend his tie and kicked off his shoes off at the front door and made his way inside with the intention of heading to his bath to relax.

However, he stopped once he turned the coner and saw you. His house maid on the floor, on your hands and knees, scrubbing the blood stain off the floor with all your strength. Usually, Muzan would be angry at you for being in his way, but it's like all the anger he felt from today was just gone once he eyes lay upon your ass from behind, admiring it's shape when your bent over.

You stopped and let out a heavy sigh. You leaned over more to rest your cheek down on the back of your hands. "Why is human blood so hard to get out? Wish it was a demons blood.. it would've just evaporated," you breathlessly said to yourself. You hadn't noticed Muzan come in yet, and with how you're bent over, it was only natural for your short skirt to ride up and expose your behind.

Muzan couldn't look away. His eyes narrow, seeing how the lining of your panties dig into the flesh of your ass and his eyes looked down between your legs to see how your panties also hug your pussy in place. Muzan's jaw clenched. He tried to hold himself back. He "didn't have time for this" or at least that's what he repeated in his head.

However, Muzan just couldn't push his thoughts away. His body couldn't either. Muzan's jaw lossened to let out some breaths, his fangs exposed, and his eyes looked down to his crotch. His body grew hot and he felt the blood rush down to his cock and saw the bulge for in his pants from his hard cock. Muzan couldn't take it anymore. It's been so long since he had a pretty human Satisfy him, especially after tonight.

Muzan needed you, and he needed you now. He cleared his throat for you to notice his arrival, and you snapped out of your exhausted state. You quickly turned around, fixing your skirt, and sat down on the floor. "Welcome home, Lord Muzan. I'd greet you better, but as you can see.." You chuckled nervously. "The stain is quiet hard to get out," you explain.

You were prepared for Muzan to throw some kind of insult at you but not prepared for his response. "I prefer this greeting." Muzan said. His lips were once a frown when he came into the house and now curled into a smirk. A lustful smirk. You opened your mouth to say something, but then your eyes lingered to his lower half and seen the bulge in Muzan's pants.

Muzan took notice of you seeing his arousal and walked closer to you. Close enough for his crotch to be inches away from his face, not hiding it at all. You couldn't help but stare at it for a moment and observe how big his bulge is up close. You got curious to know just how big his cock really is out of his boxers but then you tried to snap out of it and looked at Muzan.

Muzan chuckled. "Dirty girl. Curious to see a demons cock mm?" He said and watched your eyes widen in embarrassment. You forgot. Muzan can read minds, not just demons, but humans too. "I'm sorry, Lord Muzan," you apologized. Muzan gave you a soft grin and brought his hand to your head, and petted your head.

"Oh darling. I don't think a simple sorry can fix this. Just look at how hard you've made me from seeing you bending over like a bitch in heat and having that pretty ass out for just anyone to see" Muzan smirked as he pushes your head towards to have your cheek softly rest on his hard on. Your heart was racing from the excitement. This wasn't on purpose, nor was it planned.

You were simply tired from scrubbing the floor to notice Muzan's arrival. However, you couldn't help but enjoy how things were turning out. It made you feel good knowing you were able to make Muzan this hard. You felt it on your cheek, of course. It would be a waste to turn down this golden opportunity from a handsome, attractive demon like Muzan.

"Master should I.." Your words trail off in a seductive tone as you take off your cleaning gloves. You slide your hand up his muscular thigh and over his bulge. You couldn't help but tease it by rubbing his tip though his pants and then giving his cock a little squeeze. "Fuck.." Muzan swore under his breath and grabbed your hand, stopping you from teasing him anymore.

You were about to apologize, thinking Muzan didn't like that, but he pulled you up from the ground. Before you could balance yourself, Muzan bent down to sneak his hand under your thigh and picked you up, holding your body over his shoulder. "Lord Muzan-" you held onto Muzan as he carried you to his bedroom. Once inside, he kicked the door shut behind him and put you down on his bed, almost throwing you.

"I give you permission to call me Muzan." He said and motioned his finger for you to bring your face closer. You adjust yourself to aline your face to his crotch. He let out a soft sigh as he felt the tightness around his pants release once you've unbuckled his belt and pulled out his hard cock.

Muzan is big, you thought as your hand stroked down to the base and back up to his tip. Your hand squeezed around the thick width size of his cock as well. You looked up at Muzan. A look that thought if you could really take it but he chuckled. "I take if you've seen smaller. You're about to have sex with a demon darling. We're quite bigger then human males. You'll get used to the size." Muzan pet your head again.

You nod and open your mouth to wrap your lips around the tip. Muzan let out a soft grunt as you start by sucking lightly on his tip and rolling your tongue around it, teasing his pre cum. "Your lips are so soft.." Muzan said through a heavy breath. "I could put you to better use than just a maid. Now let's open that mouth," Muzan said and watched you open your mouth. "Yes, that's it- f-fuck" Muzan moaned once you got his cock half way in your mouth.

You took him, little by little and deeper, bobbing your head and moaning each time you felt his tip hit the back of your throat. You continue to lay on your stomach with half your body up, using your hands to support yourself, and look up at Muzan. He moaned at the site of how pretty you looked and thrust his hips forward a bit. "You're too good at this~" He said and placed both hands on your head.

"You're gonna make me cum soon. Breath through your nose, and don't you dare gag" Muzan said, already having that slight fucked out expression on his face, close to his orgasm. He thrust his hips forward, groaning at how your mouth squeezed his cock in as he fucked it. "That's the face I want to see," Muzan said, seeing your glossy eyes and knit brows and the feeling the vibrations of your moans around his cock.

You felt your drool drip down your chin and onto your hands, tightly gripping onto the sheets as Muzan's hips thrust faster. His veiny hands having a firm hold on your head as he pleasures himself in your mouth till his thrusts came to a stop and releasing his cum inside. Muzan hunched over slightly and placed his hand to your neck, mainly having his thumb on your throat.

"That's it. Drink it." Muzan catches his breath and has his thumb there to feel more satisfaction, knowing you are drinking it. There's only so much you could take, a demon really can cum a lot and you felt some of his cum spill out from the side of your chin. He pulled your mouth off his cock and pulled his pants down to drop around his ankles.

"On hands and knees, now," Muzan said, standing at the edge of the bed with his cock still hard in your face. You cleaned your mouth and got up to turn around. "Let me see that pretty ass again~" Muzan bit his bottom lip as he watched you lift your skirt over you ass. He smirked and grabbed your ass. "All you did was suck my cock and your already soaked? Dirty girl," Muzan rubbed hus thumb up and down over the set spot of your panties.

You felt a bit shy at the call out of your arousal sate but you couldn't help but moan from the feeling of how his thumb rubbed your cunt through your panties, even feeling his thumb push harder as if it rip through your panties to be inside you. "These are in the way now," Muzan said. You felt his hand grip on your panties and heard a tear as he ripped them right off.

Muzan threw your ruined pantie over his shoulder, onto the ground, and began to slide his tip between your wet folds, to your clit. "I assumed you wanted to take off your maid uniform, but you seem to be getting off to the idea of me fucking you in it" Muzan's voice deepened as he brought his tip to your hole and pushes his tip in and out. "Not that I mind you keeping it on. I could've ripped it off if I wanted to, but you look so fucking good for me right now" he groaned.

You cover your mouth, moaning softly as he felt Muzan fuck you with just his tip until he stopped. You looked back and felt a harsh spank on your ass. Muzan's cock twitched, watching how your ass jiggled from his spank and felt your muscles tighten around his tip and hearing your sweet moan from his slap. "Muzan~" you whined out his name, practically begging for him to fuck you but he just clicks his tounge.

"I thought I've made myself clear. I said that once you're in my room, I'd get you to work. Or did you think that only applied to just sucking my cock" Muzan spanked your ass again. "No~ ooh~" your back arches as you moan. "Then get to it. Fuck yourself on my cock" Muzan said, holding his shaft in place and waited for you to back up on it. You take stady breaths, preparing yourself as he push your hips back, moaning as you felt his cock go inside.

Muzan let out a deep sigh as he felt your walls tighten around his length and how your pussy sucked him in as you move your hips back and fouth. Your ass smacking back against his lower half. "Feels good?" Muzan asked, and you nodded your head, biting your bottom lip. Muzan spanked your ass again, harder this time until you felt a sting. "I asked you a question. You know I hate repeating myself." Muzan said.

"Yes! It feels so good~ really good Muzan" You whimper and begin to fuck yourself back on his cock faster until he grabbed your hips. "Uh, uh. Slow." He said, and you let out a desperate moan as you go back on it slowly. "That's it. Ask to go after when your ready to cum." Muzan teased. You were getting close, you reached your hand down to rub your clit.

Each time you move your hips back, your moans grew Louder and you began to rub your clit faster. "Please~" you begged, over and over. "Please, what? Speak up." Muzan huffed and spanked your ass again. "Please~ c-can I move faster? I need to cum" you begged, looking back at Muzan who had a devilish grin on his face. "Yeah. Go ahead and cum on my cock"

As soon as you heard those words, your ass smacked back against Muzan, filling the sounds with skin smacking against each other and moans. "Muzan!" You rubbed your clit faster until your hips stopped and your legs shaking as you came on his cock. "Good girl." Muzan moan, mixed in wjth a growl as he grabbed onto your hips and began to thrust his hips. "Good- fucking- girl," he said and fucks you through your orgasm.

You gasped, moaning loudly as his hips thrust fast and hard. You heard his deep moans and heavy breaths. It's like he was holding back before and is now fucking you like he wants to fill you up with his cum. "Taking my cock so good" he grunted as his hands push down on your hips, making you arch your back more, till you decide to rest your upper body on the bed, eventually getting you in a face down, ass up position.

"Muzan~ Muzan, please-" You whine loudly, feeling his big cock deeper inside your sensitive cunt. You moved your hand back behind you to Muzan's thigh, to some what, push him back. "Move your fucking hands" Muzan demanded, his voice deepening as he grabbed your hand and held it behind your back. "M-Muzan i-" "How dare you think you get to cum and make a mess on my cock and try to hold me back?" Muzan cut you off as he grunts.

Muzan grabbed both your hands, holding them behind your back with one hand and continued to fuck you. "M-sorry~" you slur your words. "I-Im just so sensitive- Muzan," you whimpered. "Too Sensitive to take my cum in your sloppy cunt?" Muzan asked. No, I'm not! Please cum inside me, please~" you begged and heard his deep grunts and moans softly turn into whimpers as he fucks you.

Muzan was already close. His hips snacking faster and slopper until he stopped and all he could mutter out was a, "fuck" as his tip kissed up against your cervix and released his thick load inside you. Like before, you felt so much cum. You moan into the sheets as you feel his thick load inside and splat out of you on the bed. Muzan calmed down enough to steady his breathing again and slowly pulled out of you.

Muzan placed his hand on your ass cheek but then pressed his thumb on your asshole. "This is what happens when you bend over like that in my house." He smirked, knowing how much you also enjoyed it and he leaned down towards your ear.

"How about we go another round and I train this hole to take my cock next?"

#demon slayer smut #kny smut #muzan smut #muzan x reader #muzan kibutsuji #kny muzan #muzan x y/n

[wrathkitty]

Short Debts Make Long Friends - Chapter 18

“What if this happens again and I’m not there?” he presses, speaking over you.

“Well, aren’t you the bright little optimist,” you sneer. You plant your hands on your hips and throw him a smirk, but your haggard appearance ruins the fuck-you effect you’re aiming for. “Want me to get you a glass of water so you can tell me it’s half-empty?”

Din stares at you, at a loss. First you are angry at him for reacting how any sane person would during a medical emergency. Now you’re mad for suggesting you take measures to try and prevent it from happening again.  

“Why are you being like this?” he asks finally.

“I didn’t know I was being like anything,” you acidly inform him. “Sorry I’m not falling all over myself with gratitude. What do you want, a fucking thank you card?”

Din’s mouth thins to a hard, angry line. He built a career upon the ability to keep his temper in check, and has been taunted by smartasses far more cutting than you. But this brazen show of contempt has struck a nerve, and instead of appreciating the miracle of being able to even have such a stupid argument, he finds himself fighting the urge to grab you by the shoulders and give you a hard shake – something, anything to break you free of your own willful ignorance. 

“Oh, so you do want a thank you card.”

Of course he doesn't want a thank you card. He doesn't even want your gratitude. He just wants you to see a goddamn doctor.

You fold your arms across your chest with a huff, fed up. “Ugh, fine; spit it out, Mando — what am I being like?”

He grits his teeth, still not trusting himself to reply. What are you being like? What are you being like?

“Hello?” You reach up and snap your fingers in front of his visor, pulling a face at him when turns away. “Did you just switch off or is it time to talk about upgrading your AirPods?” 

Two decades of hard-won self-discipline is felled by a single mocking remark. 

Din turns, and in a rare display of raw emotion, slams his palm against the wall and shouts, “Like you don’t matter!”

Chapter 18: Your stunned silence is very reassuring

Short Debts Make Long Friends - An overeducated, underpaid millennial finally gets to go on her first adventure.

Desperate PSA: Please consider throwing all your friendly neighborhood creators a bone and reblog. Likes don’t signal boost, and we’re doing all this shit for free.

Tags under cut, LMK if you'd like to be added!

@last-of-cheese

@ababysupernova

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#din djarin x reader #mando x reader #the mandalorian fanfiction #mando x original female character #din x reader #short debts make long friends #din djarin x female reader #the mandalorian #baby yoda #din djarin #grogu

[jazz-miester]

Nsfw One-shot with Bayverse!Optimus, please;)

BtwI’m OBSESSED with your works. I LOVE EM.

I Have Found My Peace In You

Paring: Bayverse Optimus x Reader

Reader type: Gender Nuetral Bot

Song: Would that I- Hozier

Warnings: Smut lol

An: Oh hell yes. Fukin love bayverse Optimus my dude. And i'm glad you like my stuff so much! It means a lot that ya like it lol.

(Also I just did my nails and holy fuck is it hard to type in them. Rip.)

You felt more than saw Optimus come up behind you.His servos settling on your hips before sliding up and over your stomach plating. His helm fell in the crook of your shoulder and neck. His lips pressed to the cabling there. A warm huff of air had you shivering as a smile curved your lips.

"And what are you up to?" Optimus was in a meeting the last time you checked. Something about Autobot and Human alliances that would greatly improve upon the scarce supplies you all had.

You lent back against his chassis as your fingers hovered above the keyboard you were previously engaged with.

"Is it a crime for me to see my Conjunx?" Optimus spoke into your neck. You caught sight of his optics in the reflection of the holo screen. The look of them sent a shiver down your back struts. Often that look was accompanied with your thighs on either side of his helm.

"It is when you are giving me such a look." You could feel him smile. His helm dipping down before nipping at your neck. You yelped and jumped as he soothed it with another kiss. You laughed as smacked at one of his arms wrapped around your waist.

Optimus's response was a laugh of his own and to squeeze your briefly. The sound of it had your spark fluttering. So rare a sound it was anymore. It was pleasant when he did. You couldn't help but wonder what had him in such a light mood.

"Truly, it is your fault. How could I handle myself." He paused pressing yet another kiss to to your neck. "When you are looking the way your are." Optimus couldn't help but find you to be nothing short of divine. The suns low light highlighted all his favorite parts of you. Coupled with the fact that this meeting had actually went well for once. Optimus found himself craving you.

His helm rose digits capturing your chin to turn you towards him. Optimus pressed a chaste kiss to your lips. He took a moment to take all of you in. Optics following the lines and curves of your faceplates. Then there was a tug at your bond. Full of want and desire. Warmth and love. Letting you know just how much he loved you in that moment. The here and the now in between the quiet lull of the war.

"Optimus. I do have reports to finish." They really were not important. You just wanted to tease. You were swiftly turned before your digits could touch the keyboard. The small of your back pressed against it as Optimus leaned forward towards you. You could hear the holo screen going wild until Optimus reached behind you and turned it off.

"The reports can wait." He pressed a kiss to your jaw. One servo traveling over your hip and up your waist.

"Do you really think Ratchet or Lennox would be ok with that?" Optimus huffed an pressed his helm against yours.

"I am the Prime. They can come to me if there is such an issue with it." With a laugh you pulled him in for another kiss. Arms moving to wrap around his neck as he lifted you up by your thighs before resting you on the keyboard.

Foolish decision really. But with him kissing along your neck like this? You were able to discard any real hard feelings about it.

"Oh for the love of Primus. Get a room you two!" Optimus turned to reveal and angry-ish Ratchet. The old war medic was shaking his helm and wagging a digit. Reminding you of one of the old ladies on the rom coms that Bumblebee liked to watch time to time.

"We are in a room old friend. Unless you intend to watch I suggest you leave." You barked out a laugh and smacked his chest with your servo.

"Optimus Prime don't you dare!" You could hear Ironhide laughing while he left just ask quickly as he came pulling a peeved looking Mudflap along with him.

"Absolutely not! I will not have you getting transfluids all over my equipment! Out! The both of you!" Laughing the entire time Optimus pulled you away from the keyboard and holo screen and down the hall. Leaving as you heard Ratchet mumbling about. "A Prime" And "To old to be acting like a couple of younglings freshly bonded."

The short trip down the hall and to the Autobots barracks seemed longer than usual. Then again you were very preoccupied with you lips against Optimus's neck cablings. You could feel his growing heat and hear the hushed growling in his throat.

There was a bond feedback as you felt just how much you were effecting him and honestly you didn't find yourself caring. Instead continuing on with what you were doing with and added roll of your hips against his,

He really did growl then as the door to your habsuit was thrown open. The door all but slammed closed behind the both of you.

You were laid down on the berth with a bit more care and a lot more gently. Optimus hovered above you. His optics cycling as the want went through him.

"Do you realize what you do to me My Spark?" His arms were braced on either side of you. His knees pressed to the berth on either side of your hips. "Truly, you drive me to insanity." His lips found yours. Drawing you close to him. His sweetened breath on yours as his servo came to cradle your face plates before he pulled away. His thumb brushing against your cheek.

"Oh? And you think i'm the unaffected party here?" You turned and pressed a kiss to the palm of his servo. "Really, you've been neglecting me. Being gone for so long." You looked up at him with lidded optics. "You come. Command your troops with that voice of yours and i'm supposed to pretend that i'm ok? It's torture really. I'd imagine it's in that geneva conventions that the humans have."

Optimus laughed. His servo moving away from your jaw to play at the seems on your chassis. "Oh I've been neglecting you now?" His frame moved languidly downwards. Leaving a trail of kisses while he moved before settling between your spread thighs. "Please, allow me to rectify it."

"Mmm. No." Optimus's optics went wide.

"No?" He hummed. "Even if I do this?" His lips pressed against your thighs. To the spot just above your modesty plating. A free servo traveling to the edge of your chassis. Playing at the seems that would lead to your spark chamber.

A surge of pleasure ran through your energy field. The bastard.

Your hips rolled of their own record as he did it again and again. Switching between moving slowly. Smoothly. Like the waves on a calm ocean. Before switching it to a rapid movement. Sure and firm.

Optimus pressed a kiss to your now heated plating. "May I?" He asked. His voice low and hoarse. "Please?" He gave you that same look he had earlier. A soft want pulled at your spark.

You knew that you could end this here. Have everything come to a stop. But then there was the needing. The craving of your conjunx that you have spent to little time with him as of late. Cybertronians are long lived, not immortal.

You let your plating fall back. Both your spike and valve open to the cool air of your habsuit.

Optimus took his sweet time. Trailing kisses to every but the place you craved it most. One servo gently wrapped around your spike as he slowly moved his servo up and down. Taking his time to gather the fluid leaking from its tip before dragging it back down.

Finally. Finally he moved to your valve. Dragging his glossa between your folds before wrapping his lips around your node. He did this again and again as he slowly stroked your spike.

Your hips moved as he did this. Optimus humming as he looked up at you. Watching as you came undone before him. You babbled after a bit. Telling him how much you loved him. Just how good he was and "Oh right there. Please. Frag please don't stop." He hummed again his his digits curled within in you. His mouth now swallowing your spike instead as he pumped his digits in and out of you.

"Optimus.Im. Fraggit." You voice was breathless. Optimus's free servo grabbed one of yours. Settling your joined servos on your stomach as he moved his helm up and down. Optics not once leaving yours as you finally released. Helm thrown back as Optimus swallowed all you had to offer.

"Was that enough of an apology My Spark?" Optimus spoke as he moved upwards. You digits smeared at your own fluids on his face. Wet and shiny it was. The mech always made a mess despite all your complaints. Then again you ever really complained to much. You got to overload repeatedly after all.

"Maybe." You laughed and gave him a kiss. Tasting yourself on his lips as you did so.

"Oh? And what else could you want?" His lips found yours against and again. Your digits dug at every exposed seem of his you could find. Tweaking and pulling at cables and wiring that sent shivers down the Primes frame.

"Your spike. In me." You spoke it near his audial. His mouth once again finding your neck cabling. You hoped that there wouldn't be any bruising. Not wanting to endure the teasing you would sure get from Ironhide and Sideswipe after wards. But after the stunt the two of you pulled in the command center of all places it was sure to happen anyways.

"As My Spark wishes." Optimus pulled himself upwards. Pulling your legs around his hips as he drew you in close. For a brief moment the two of you fumbled with pillows and blankets to place beneath your hips.

His own plating fell back after that. His spike springing out from its housing and bobbing briefly from the force of it.

Optimus moved his spike against your valve. The tip of it brushing against your node had your thighs shivering. Your valve gripping at nothing as you waited for him to finally push into you. You would have began cursing the Prime for not moving sooner until he finally did just that.

He moved slowly. Tourturessly into you. Inch by inch as your valve swallowed him greedily. Optimus paused for a moment when he was full into you. His frame bowed over you. His mouth slightly opened as he cycle cooled air into himself.

Optimus muttered a few curses as he rolled his hips. Dragging his spike against the nodes within you. He did it again and again before pulling out as sliding back within.

He picked up a steady rhythm then. A steady push and pull of his hips.

"Look at you." He muttered. "Taking my spike so well." His vocalizer spat static. His venting just as eratic as yours. "You are doing so good My Spark. Taking me just like that. You feel so good around me." His helm pressed against yours.

"Open your optics." You hadn't noticed that you ever closed this. Enveloped in the pleasure he was bringing out of you. "Open your optics. I want to see you overload. I want you to see what you are doing to your Prime."

He was absolutely undone before you. The crackling charge of your fields in the air. Optimus's optics were blown wide and utterly entranced with your own.

"That's it. That's my good spark. That's it." Optimus rumbled out. His frame shaking from the way he spoke it.

You could feel the growing pleasure coil within you. Winding tighter and tighter with the drag of his hips. Optimus uttered a curse. Then another as his digits found your node. Winding quick tight circles around it until that coil snapped. Broke. Your release followed by his.

He spoke your name. Uttered it like a prayer as your highs came down. Again and again as he kissed along your jaw. His hips pulling away from yours as he fell to your side.

Optimus drew you close to him. Curling his frame around yours.

The two of you laid on your sides facing each other. One of your arms was looped around his. Your other servo cradled his face as he did yours. His other arm was your pillow. Your leg were entwined together as you basked in each others presence.

The two of you said little. As it wasn't needed in the moment. You had almost fallen into recharge if it wasn't for Optimus speaking.

"I am sorry. For not being around more." You could hear the remorse in his voice. You optics opened. Your spark sank and you could feel him on the other side of the bond.

Guilt.

"You are around plenty. Optimus. There is no need to apologize." You pulled him close. Letting him rest his helm against your chassis.

"Still." You stopped him before he could finish.

"Speak on it no longer my Prime. You are here now. And I cherish the time I have with you. It is the effort that you make that brings me peace. Now quiet. Rest. And let me love you." With that Optimus sighed. Wrapped his arms around you and held you close. Basking in the glow of the one his spark was closest to.

#maccadam #valveplug #optimus prime x reader #bayverse optimus x reader #bayverse optimus #smut baby #hope yall enjoy #holy fuck i ahould have made my nails shorter

[void-ink-studios]

Gala of the Gods (Part 3)

Alright, Part 3 is here!

You get art this time around as well, as I couldn't resist drawing their fancy outfits! Hmm, nothing like attempting to draw these characters for the first time in fancy clothing with patterns and shit, I'm a smart one.

Hope y'all enjoyed this little 3-parter. If anyone have more ideas, I'd love to hear it, because I like writing these two.

Also, before you read, just as a heads up, it gets a little suggestive at the very end. It's a firm fade to black, but it is a thing that exists. Look for a line of dashes if you'd rather not read it.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 -You Are Here-

Word Count: 2,300

The Organizer was not a god of... standard form. She wasn't a god of standard anything, to be fair. Scarab couldn't recall many run-ins with her, as their work very rarely overlapped, but that did not make sitting in her office with her staring down at him any more comforting or less nerve racking.

There was a constant noise, as her many, many arms carried on with her daily tasks. Some were writing, others were stamping, some were shredding, it was all happening at once. Her many eyes free roamed around the office as she worked, but she had decided to keep maybe half a dozen glued to the two gods sitting across from her desk.

Lucky them.

No one spoke for a long time. Scarab just nervously fiddled with his can, while Prismo seemed to be doing his best to will the floor to swallow him, shoulders coming up to his ears.

"I thought I had made the policy of fighting at my Gala very clear." Her voice echoed all over the room, rather than coming from some visible mouth. The both of them flinched at the sudden break of silence. "Scarab, while I might be less surprised due to past behavior, I must say I'm still disappointed with your recent track record. Prismo, I can't say I expected to see you in my office of all gods."

"But-"

"I-"

They both started at the same time, but were silenced by a single raised hand.

"However. I am not all-knowing. That is the Observer's job. Prismo, you are not one to cause problems often. And Scarab, despite your difficulties with others, you always filed your paperwork on time. So, I am giving each of you a chance to explain yourselves."

Scarab waited for some signal from her that he was permitted to speak.

"...Prismo, it was you who started it, so you will be first to explain yourself."

Prismo audibly gulped.

"O-Okay... I'd just like to clarify, Scarab and I were not fighting, not in the way you might be expecting. It was my fault..."

Scarab's eyes widened, about to jump in, but was silenced by a hard glare from the Organizer. She gestured for Prismo to continue.

"I lost control over an aspect of myself, and started lashing out. Scarab was just trying to neutralize the threat and calm me down. He wasn't trying to hurt me. Just stop me from hurting others."

There was more silence as the Organizer mulled this information over. Her gaze shifted to Scarab.

"Scarab. Can you confirm this story?"

"Yes ma'am. I was not trying to do harm onto Prismo. I had never seen that aspect of him act out, and I was not sure if or when he could regain control. So I worked to put a stop to it. The only weapon I used was a glorified flashlight."

"I see." Scarab saw distantly a set of arms start sorting through a filing cabinet. "Can you tell me why this aspect of Prismo got so out of control? Last I understood, Prismo, you had achieved complete control and cohesion with all aspects of your dream form. Has this changed?"

"No, no! It's, uh, different..."

"How so?"

"Well... my nightmare aspect only flares up under extreme negative emotions... Stuff life fear or really bad sadness or... when I'm really, really angry. That's what happened tonight, ma'am. I hit a boiling point and it... blew up."

She gave a pointed gaze toward Scarab, causing the beetle to sink into his seat.

"No! It wasn't Scarab's fault!"

"It wasn't?"

"No! I mean, Scarab's related, but it wasn't his fault!"

"How is he related, but not his fault, Prismo?"

Prismo ran a hand through his curls, trying to collect himself.

"So, Scarab's been under my management after the whole Fionna and Cake fiasco, right?"

"Yes, I remember signing that change of management form. I must say, I was a bit confused when I heard you had volunteered. My understanding was the entire incident was caused by a conflict between the two of you."

"It was but... well, the whole thing was my fault to begin with. I did make a rogue universe, and Scarab was just doing his job. He went too far at the end, and it was definitely more personal than his other cases, but I still did what he said I did, and he was right to try and do his job."

The beetle sighed. This was a conversation they had had many times. A lot of confusing feelings had needed to get detangled if they were going to live together. They had forgiven each other for quite a while.

"So, what did Scarab's assignment to you have to do with what happened tonight?"

"Well, Scarab and I have been getting closer. Bonding. We're actually really close now." The Organizer have him a very knowing stare. "I consider him one of my best friends and... I've been learned a lot about him. A lot about how he's been treated by our coworkers and... it wasn't nice and it wasn't fair. I've been getting more and more angry at the others for how they've been treating someone they don't even know, particularly Orbo."

Prismo's hands clenched into fists as he took a deep breath. The Organizer hummed. "What happened between you and Orbo?"

"Orbo cornered me tonight and tried to convince me that Scarab was changing me for the worse because I've been less than nice to him and others who keep trying to act like Scarab's some sort of monster. I got sick and tired of people acting like I was stupid for helping him, that I'm being manipulated. I'm tired of hearing 'Poor Prismo, getting stuck with Scarab, it's so sad for him', like I didn't volunteer for it!"

Scarab felt his mandibles tense... that's what had happened...? Orbo said that...? Was it... true... was he changing Prismo for the worse?

"Orbo making these comments are... interesting."

Scarab raised a brow. "Interesting how?"

"Because he filed complaints and write ups for you every Glob Forsaken time he thought he could."

All color drained from Scarab's face. His heart raced, and he started shaking enough for his carapace to click together.

"He what?!"

"He's submitted thousands of these things over the years. Pretty much none of them went anywhere because the Observer never confirmed the infractions described in the write-ups. Of all your write ups, only three have ever been acted on."

"...Three...?"

"Yes. The first two had notes that Orbo had the authority to discipline as he saw fit within reasonable boundaries. The third lead to the decision to move you into Prismo's management."

Authority to discipline as Orbo saw fit...

He touched the cropped stumps of his former antenna... he felt the lingering burn in his shoulders from his ripped wings...

"Do you... know what those punishments were...?"

"I was not privy to details. Just that they were carried out, and you returned to your duties."

There was a heavy pause, as both Prismo and Scarab processed that news.

"Well, if what you say is true, and I will be calling in the Observer to confirm, then it seems a meeting between Orbo and I is in order. However."

Prismo took hold of Scarab's hand.

"You two did break one of my only rules of the Gala. While it might not have been a true fight, it did cause panic and damage in the Judgement Hall. While it was not either of you who instigated the conflict, it was you two who escalated it to physical violence. It needs to be addressed."

The Organizer pinned the both of them down with a withering stare. Scarab would never not feel like he was a child around her.

Especially now. He saw the way her hands moved, the relentless precision with which she worked. It would be... frighteningly easy for her to pull his arms or legs off... He cast a worried glance to Prismo. His mortal body was much... softer than Scarabs... it... wouldn't survive getting plucked apart...

"...As punishment, you two are going to be my assistants for the time being. Prismo, your job as Wishmaster is still in effect, and you both will be allowed to return to the Time Room. However, you should expect paperwork to periodically be teleported into the chamber. I expect you both to work to complete that paperwork in a timely manner, as accurately as possible. You will be granted limited access to the divine records room for reference. Failure to perform this new duty will have me dragging the both of you back in here. And I won't be as nice next time."

There was a decisive stamp suddenly in front of them, as the Organizer slid a piece of paper in front of them.

Scarab read it. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He almost wept. Paperwork. He could handle that. He wasn't getting pulled part today. Prismo wasn't getting pulled apart today.

"Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes ma'am" they both said together.

"Good. Now, off you go, I have a Star Core I need to speak with."

Before either could say another word, they were warped away in a rainbow of light, and deposited quite ungracefully on the floor of the Time Room.

"Ugh, that sucks a lot when someone else is warping me... Paperwork's gonna suck though, right Scrabs?"

Prismo rubbed the back of his head as he sat up. He spotted Scarab in the corner, huddled down, making himself as small as possible. His heart squeezed as he crawled over to him.

"Hey Lovebug..." He tried to put his hand on his shoulder, but the beetle shied away from the touch. "...Are you okay...?"

Scarab sighed a tired chirp. "No Prismo... I'm... not okay. You were... so angry... you were angry because of me... You're... you're very frightening when you're angry..."

Prismo frowned, rubbing the back of his neck. "No, Lovebug. That wasn't your fault..."

"But it is... You've been so... so kind to me, Prismo... So accommodating and forgiving and sweet... You're making enemies out of friends over me... And... what have I done? What have I done to deserve any of that..."

"Scarab, no-"

"Look at me, Prismo" he snapped. "I'm... not worth this... I'm not good, not like you. I've just been... a problem. An obstacle. Something to work around..."

Scarab's voice sounded so small... Prismo wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed.

"Scarab. You are not an obstacle. I do those things because I want you to feel safe and cared for. And... tonight, you've done more than anyone really has before."

"...How...?"

"Look... When Nightmo takes control, there's not much hope for me coming down on my own. He's a protective measure, but he works too well. He feeds off of negative feelings, the fear and anger around him. He just gets bigger and bigger and more hostile, until there's nothing left to feed on. He has to be subdued or he'll destroy everything around him. I've... I've never seen him back down willingly. Not until tonight."

Scarab looked into Prismo's eyes, wide and uncertain.

"But... but he didn't back down, I had to neutralize him..."

"Scarab, you talked Nightmo down. Yeah, you had to get him small enough to pay attention, but it was your words that got him to fall back. He... He knows you're safe. He'll retreat because he believes you'll protect me. And that's... never happened before. Ever."

Scarab saw the tears pooled in Prismo's eyes, a sad and tired smile spread across his face. He pulled the beetle closer to give sweet kisses to his cheek and neck.

"You've been opening my eyes, Scarab. I was only everybody's pal because they thought I was... in on the joke. I didn't even realize what complete and total wads they were, because they thought I was "cool" or whatever. I don't want to be friends with people who could do the things they've done to you, just because they think no one will care. I have standards. And now I know they don't meet them. I'm not losing friends over you, I'm just finding out who really is and isn't a friend."

Prismo placed a soothing hand at the base of one of Scarab's wings.

"So no, Lovebug. You're not making me worse. You make me, even the worst parts of me, feel safe. I love you. All of me loves you."

Scarab should've been a bit embarrassed by the noises he was making, but it didn't particularly matter now. Not when the two trapped each other in a tight embrace, and a loving kiss. Mandibles threaded through gray hair, talons touched the soft skin they found, and gentle hands soothed aching shoulders.

"I love you too, Prismo" Scarab whispered as they separated for air. He chirped softly as the Wishmaster continued kissing at his neck, his wings twitching and fluttering as best they could.

-----------------------

"...You're so beautiful. You look so beautiful like this..."

Prismo's hands held his waist firmly, thumb rubbing at a seam in his carapace.

"Hmmm... What are you planning, oh great Wishmaster?"

"Well... We do have these bodies. For a little bit longer. I've got no plans for right now. But I could. Or, we could cuddle. Up to you, Lovebug."

Prismo busied himself with Scarab's neck again as the beetle thought. Or, well, as he tried to, but his own shell was suddenly feeling a bit warm. One of his claws traced around the Wishmaster's neck and shoulder.

"I... I think you're quite beautiful as well, Prismo. I'd be... willing to explore whatever plans you might come up with."

Prismo gave him a peck on the cheek, a maybe slightly smug grin on his face.

"I think that can be arranged."

And he closed the door of the Time Room.

#prohibitedwish #my art #digital art #scarab x prismo #scarab the god auditor #prismo the wishmaster #prohibitedwish fanfic #wrath of the wishmaster

[cat3ch1sm]

⚰️~ hello, everyone- i am back! thank you all for your patience and support<3 i apologize to all those who have requests pending, i have resumed work on them now. :) here are some death note headcanons, enjoy!

・┆✦ʚ🤍ɞ✦ ┆・ slight nsfw, gn!reader

𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐢𝐜/𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐩𝐚𝐧 𝐬/𝐨!

light yagami

ᥫ᭡ he enjoys the quiet and also admires how independent you are. light isn’t a fan of overly bubbly and emotional people, so you’re just what he needs

~ however, sometimes it is a little annoying when you hardly react to things he has strong feelings about

~ he doesn’t see your expression change at all very often, so when you smile one of your rare smiles it does make him happy. if light is just in one of those moods he might tease you a little to try and make you lose your composure by kissing or touching you unexpectedly. and while you do have a hell of a poker face, he loves seeing the color gradually stain your cheeks.

l lawliet

ᰔᩚ l obviously isn’t that sociable and finds it difficult to talk to people, and having a partner is new to him. sometimes it can be a little overwhelming, so he’s glad you never push him to talk to you too much and you aren’t super dependent.

~ he does find you mildly intimidating sometimes- your sense of sarcasm has sent more than a few people home in tears

~ the only thing is that sometimes when the two of you are alone, l mistakes the silence for tension. your body language and facial expression are just really cold and uninviting sometimes (though of course you don’t mean it). so he’ll ask out of the blue if you’re alright or if you need anything.

near

𓆩 ♡ 𓆪 i don’t think near would mind your personality at all. he’s probably the most similar to you out of all of the guys mentioned here. anyway, he’s very focused on his work, so having a low-maintenance s/o is good for him. don’t get me wrong though, near still treats you right when you need to be :D

~ one day, though, experimentally, i think near would randomly put a strand of hair on top of your head when you sit next to each other. just to see how you’d react. chances are he’d get little to no reaction, and just for fun, he’d do these little things to see if you would acknowledge them. although you’re hard to crack, he’d get a noticeable reaction whenever he touched you or told you sweet things like “i love you” or “you’re beautiful/handsome.” so he’d definitely start doing that type of stuff more.

mello

♡ ̆̈ okay ngl i feel like an emotionless, stony s/o wouldn’t go well with mello. he’s already got a ton of shit going on in his life, so coming back to a completely blank face and no warm greeting from you might not be the best. mello really needs some sort of tranquilizer, someone who balances his storm with the sun. you definitely wouldn’t be that😭 i can see him possibly getting aggressive when you don’t react to something the way he wants you to. he’s just so angry and you’re stony and unreadable. it would make mello mad that you aren’t as fiery as he is about the things he’s passionate about, and you would probably grow tired quickly of the aggression. you’re the type to just one day walk out and not tell him anything. you’re both a problem here ☠️

matt

‹𝟹 matt is the total opposite of you- outgoing, funny, mischievous. that said, it’s in his nature to want to try and melt the wall of ice that seems to surround you constantly.

~ he’s constantly making corny jokes and using cheesy pick-up lines on you simply to get a reaction. matt also takes advantage of the fact that you’re his s/o and teases you way too much with the touching, kissing you randomly on the lips or neck or pulling you down onto his lap. he rarely gets a big reaction from you (unless you’re in bed 😀) but matt always notices when your breathing speeds up and the barely audible moans that escape your lips.

~ he’s also kinda like that one sibling who walks into your room just to throw something at you and walk out like nothing happened. matt loves to randomly put his clothes on your head, like even if it’s just some random sweater he’ll just drop it on your head to see you swipe it off and cast him a resentful look. sometimes though, even with his stupid jokes, he’ll earn a smile from you here and there, which never fail to make his day.

#anime #l lawliet #mello death note #death note headcanons #light yagami x reader #l x reader #l lawliet x reader #mello x reader #near x reader #matt death note smut #near death note smut #death note imagines #dn headcanons #light x reader #light x reader smut #nate rivers x reader #mihael keehl #l x reader smut #matt x reader smut #death note fic #light yagami x you #l x you #near x reader death note #mello x you #mello x reader smut #death note memes #near x you

[colourstreakgryffin]

Hey! How have you been? Hopefully good.

I have a question if you don't mind. Can you do a Yandere Obanai, Sanemi, Giyu, and Yoriichi with a reader who's Tiana like? Like, she makes A LOT of food from around the world and even admits that she will marry a man if he eats large portions of her food?

Sorry if I made it too demanding or extra. Please feel free to ignore if you want!

Oh my actual sweet jeebus, YES! I LOVE Tiana! She is my favourite Disney Princess! I’m totally doing this! A little tough but I hope you like it!

Yandere! Iguro Obanai

Obanai was attracted to you from the beginning by your hardworking and dedicated mindframe. You think the same he does in the sense of loyalty to the Corp and he appreciates it from a fellow Hashira

You’re independent and you get shit done more often then most. Obanai values a woman who can care for herself like you do so he tries to get closer to you, fixated on his admiration crush

His hidden Yandere senses kick in when you begin spending more time with him as opposed to the other Hashira. You must like him if you want to spend time with him, especially with how “I am a strong woman” you are

His obsession with being around you grows rapidly as you start showing off your cooking skills to him with pride. He is beyond impressed by how fast you can mince mushrooms, and he is the one who’s good with a katana.

You’ll marry a man who will eat large portions of your food? Suddenly, Obanai has a appetite that can rival Mitsuri’s. Suddenly, he is taking lots of portions that he can’t finish. Suddenly, he is asking you to triple your cooking for him and Kaburamaru

Obanai spends lots of time learning how to cook so he can impress you with his skills. You’ll ignore all the other Hashira and fall in love with him if he can cook just as good as you, right? Your praises over his attempts has his head spinning

Obanai may love you dearly but he is not above striping away your freedom and independence to keep you at the Serpent Estate. He loves you too much to let you wonder around Japan without him

Yandere! Shinazugawa Sanemi

Sanemi doesn’t often get to see such amazing people like you, ones who can work so hard and offer such greatness to the table. He is intrigued by you at the start by your overall feel

You’re mentally-strong and you don’t take shit from anybody as you know exactly who are you. A woman with your traits is a woman Sanemi will always have eyes for. Somebody he can work with, not for

After some time, the Yandere corruption begins when you decide to ask him for training, over the eight other Hashira, and it tricks his rotting mind into thinking you like him back. That you want him as your man, despite your ways

His maddening obsession gets all the more intense when you begin teaching him how to properly cook, as he isn’t as good as you. By just adding a few drops of spices, you’ve magically fixed the gumbo and he is amazed by your almost otherworldly skills

You’ll marry a man who will eat large portions of your food? Sanemi is already the first one in line to try your dishes, the only one to overstuff himself with much food until your pleased with him. He will do whatever is necessary, even expand his appetite to ensure you’ll recuperate feelings

Sanemi simply enjoys watching you cook, he doesn’t want to learn how to himself. He merely just wants to watch you work and internally obsess over your expressions, your dedication, your efforts. All of it is so beautiful to him and worthy of protection

Sanemi, like Obanai, does not mind taking you away from the world and keeping you semi-locked up in his Estate so you’ll only be his. Yes, it does hurt him seeing how angry and upset you are but his possessive love for you outweighs it

Yandere! Tomioka Giyuu

Giyuu knows that people like you are beyond rare. A wonderfully beautiful woman with so much wits and experience under her sleeves and bravery to defend herself. He may try to avoid you but he really likes the look of you overall

Despite how uptight you are with your work, you are polite towards everybody you talk with and you are very intelligent over your swordsman and cooking skills. Giyuu may not have much people in his life but he views you as somebody quite special with your personality

Even though, Giyuu kept pushing back on you wanting to become his friend. He, no longer can, stop his vile feelings from overwhelming him and moulding into a horribly dangerous obsession over you and your incredible cooking skills. You can balance so many trays of food with little issue and it really impresses him

A deep powerful strike of Yandere hits him, the longer you want to spend time with him and grows a originally innocent crush on you. Everytime you decide to listen to him and laugh at his remarks, his mind concepts your reactions as a sign of your hidden mutual love for him

You’ll marry a man who will eat large portions of your food? Giyuu happily asks you to cook him lots of and lots of lunches for him, in which he has no clue how’ll he finish. He gets such a ravenous appetite for your delicious dishes and forces them down as he’ll be able to have your hand in marriage

Giyuu loves doing everything he can to help you with your cooking and your dream of opening up your restaurant. He’ll clean all the dishes and gather ingredients for you. As long as your happy and appreciative, he will bend over backwards for you

Giyuu can’t bring himself to hurt you and take away your rights so he simply continues to trick and manipulate you so you’ll spend more time with him then anybody else. So, you feel like he knows you better than everybody else

Yandere! Tsugikuni Yorichii

Yoriichi has never seen a woman being a Samurai, but the moment he gets to meet, his emotionless heart is struck by a sense of strong love. You’re so steady, stable and assured with your capabilities, you don’t let the sexist views of Japan stop you from being a Samurai

Your blaring ambition and imaginative nature is, for sure, intriguing and pretty towards the strongest demon slayer in this world. Yoriichi appreciates having a woman who has the skills to pay the bills and the ability to ensure no demon can hurt her

His view simply goes from having a cute admiration crush on you to having a lunacy-inducing obsession over you, such a talented amazing person. Whilst he hasn’t gotten to see your elegance outside of your Samurai duty, but when he sees your sparkly silky light blue kimono for the special celebration party and his heart explodes. You’re just so beautiful, he can’t help but praise you

How a single mighty Yandere sense taking control of him ruined his whole world. You appreciate his respect towards you so you spend all your time around him, that destroys his ability to process your friendship properly, thinking that you adore him as much as he adores you

You’ll marry a man who will eat large portions of your food? Yoriichi becomes such a gluttonous for your cooking and requests as many dishes off you as humanely possible, even though, he has no chance to finish all of them. If you will accept his proposal for him enjoying your dishes is feeding into his delusional fantasies about you

Yoriichi has zero luck in the kitchen but he is always eager for you to teach him what to do so he doesn’t burn his food to ashes. He simply loves the way you praise his attempts and pat his back friendly, your attention upon him has his twisted heart flipping in delight

Yoriichi doesn’t want to break your heart and kidnap you so he, instead, begins scaring away all the people in your life behind your back. One at a time until you’ll be willingly to move in with him

#kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #anime and manga #kny imagines #headcanons #kny hashira #iguro obanai #obanai iguro #yandere romance #yandere #yandere headcanons #shinazugawa sanemi #sanemi shinazugawa #tomioka giyuu #giyuu tomioka #tsugikuni yoriichi #yoriichi tsugikuni #serpent hashira #wind hashira #water hashira #sun hashira #yoriichi x reader #obanai x reader #sanemi x reader #giyuu x reader

[buckymorelikefuckme]

and really bad eggs

pirate king wanda x fem reader

words: 2.1k

warnings: **18+ ONLY** mentions and slight description of injury, hurt/comfort, smüt, scissoring. if i missed anything pls let me know!

a/n: well i guess it's a series now lmao~ is 3am posting going to become my new thing? we shall see. i hope you enjoy :) also, there's a cameo of two of our fave dudes in here hehe! unbeta'd. any and all mistakes are mine. feedback is encouraged & appreciated ♡

part 1 ❀ part 2 ❀ part 4

You pace impatiently along the deck, eyes straining through the moonlight as you search for the return of your crew mates and captain. They should've been back ages ago. You'd been given strict instruction to stay on the ship, the captain using the excuse of your poor combat skills for her reasoning.

“I've been practicing with Natasha,” you'd protested as you watched Wanda gather her effects.

You would be approaching the port soon and she always liked being ready to step off the ship the moment it was docked. Feeling desperate yet helpless, you continued staring at your lover as she checked her pistols and secured her sword.

Wanda sighed. “Yes, and I've heard of your improvement,” she admitted. “But Natasha still thinks you need more time before you're ready for a real fight.”

“You say all the time how rare fights happen once the villagers realize who you are!” you retorted.

“I am not going to argue with you on this,” she replied, her tone firm. “My mind is made up. You will stay here.”

You clenched your jaw. “Are you saying this as my captain, or as my lover?”

Wanda spun to face you with a hard look. You lifted your chin, having been on the receiving end of such an expression several times before. She was always calling you stubborn, and that wasn't going to change any time soon.

“When did I stop being both, hm?” she wondered, taking slow, deliberate steps towards you. “What have I done to deserve this treatment?”

You didn’t reply, frowning as you broke your stare. When Wanda spoke again, it was low, so quiet it was almost a whisper.

“I could not live with the thought of you getting hurt, or worse, because you could not defend yourself properly,” she confessed. “Perhaps I do not express myself well enough, if you are under the impression that I could be so impassive with your precious life.”

You blinked away the tears that built in your eyes.

“I have fought in my fair share of duals, and even I have had many close calls, despite my years of training,” she added, and you hated the reminder, having bore witness to the scars that decorate her skin to prove her words. She cupped your cheeks, forcing you to meet her imploring gaze. “I will not have your blood on my hands.”

A shaky breath escaped you, still feeling utterly helpless, useless, but you reached up to gently grasp her wrists. As much as it pained you, you nodded in understanding. She sighed, eased, and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, promising to return as quickly as possible.

Now, a sense of foreboding has been steadily rising within you. It's never taken this long for a raid. You wring your hands anxiously, contemplating if Wanda would be angry with you if you left the ship with your sword in hand.

However, you don't get the chance to decide. You hear voices approach, and soon after, the crew bustles out of the tree line. Your relief is palpable as you press your hand to your chest, muttering a quick thank god under your breath as they grow nearer.

It takes a moment for you to notice, so washed in comfort by everyone’s return, that a few people are carefully carrying someone back to the ship. Just as quickly as the relief appeared, it leaves you entirely. Your skin goes hot then cold, so fast that it leaves your head spinning, dread settling heavily in your stomach.

As the crew begin boarding the ship, none of them meet your eyes. Panic wells, and you find yourself stumbling across the deck, shouldering past several people. Natasha stops you before you can go around her.

“She's fine,” she murmurs.

“She–She's being carried onto the ship,” you point out dumbly.

Natasha grips your shoulders. “Her wound is not serious. We had to clean it and stitch it to stop the bleeding before we could return.”

You whimper, covering your mouth as fresh tears fall. “She was bleeding?”

Natasha sighs heavily. “Before we could announce ourselves, some skinny, little idiot and his friend thought themselves to be heroes and charged us.” She rolls her eyes, agitated all over again by this person. “The Captain stepped in and was grazed by his dagger while she was trying to subdue him. Once he found out who we were it was easy to get them to back down.”

She pauses, huffing. “For whatever reason, the Captain invited them to join the crew after they'd apologized a million times and begged her pardon.”

You blink a few times, mind whirling. “But she's okay?” you clarify, your only worry.

Natasha’s face softens as she nods. “Aye. I made them carry her back so she wouldn't put a strain on her stitches. It's just a superficial wound.”

Just then, Wanda is carried on board, and you rush to her.

“This is ridiculous. I am perfectly capable of walking,” you hear her grumble and it makes a choked sob slip past your lips. Her eyes meet yours and she orders the men to stop. “Put me down,” she tells them, and when they try to argue, “Now!”

Not wanting to receive some form of punishment, they listen, gingerly helping her rise and stand. She winces, her hand clutching her side, just below her ribs. You take cautious steps toward her, but you stop a couple feet away.

“Come here, my love,” she says, holding out her free arm.

You close the space between you, tears spilling down your cheeks as you check her over for more injuries, hands hovering unsurely around her. She grabs one of your hands and pulls you into her, hugging you tightly. You bury your face in her neck as you cry, relieved all over again, feeling her warm and solid beneath your hands. She shushes you softly, kissing you wherever she can reach.

“I'm alright, my angel, I'm fine,” she reassures.

“You were hurt,” you correct thickly. “I wasn't there and you got hurt.”

“It's nothing I can't handle,” she replies. She brushes your hair off your shoulder so she can kiss along the expanse of your collarbone. “Why don't we go to my quarters, hm?”

You swallow past the lump in your throat and nod, letting her lead you in the direction of her cabin. Along the way, you spy two new faces; a skinny, blond man whose eyes are wide as he takes in the massive ship, and a dark haired man that follows close behind, looking resigned to his fate. You make a mental note to give them a stern talking to later.

Wanda closes and locks the door to her cabin once the two of you are inside. She turns to you and meets you halfway for a bruising kiss.

The only thought playing on a loop in your mind is that you could have lost her. It's silly, especially knowing her injury is not that serious, but also knowing that she'd gotten hurt and you weren't there to help makes your chest seize uncomfortably. You just need to assure yourself that she really is okay.

Your hands grab fistfuls of her hair as you deepen the kiss into something sharper, messier. Wanda grunts, her own hands sliding down your back until they can squeeze your ass. You moan brokenly into her mouth.

She breaks the kiss to mutter, “Feel me? I'm here, safe, with you.”

“If you think I'm staying behind next time, you're mad,” you respond, licking a hot line up the side of her neck.

Her head tips back as she laughs, the sound teetering off into a gasp when you bite down and begin sucking a mark into her skin.

“I figured you would say so,” she says.

Without a word, you make quick work of undoing the laces of her trousers. She helps you undress her, slipping off her coat and unbuttoning her waistcoat before she reaches for you. Her deft fingers work on removing your corset and dress until you're completely bare. She steps out of her trousers that have pooled at her ankles, kicking her boots off in the process.

The stark contrast of the stitches against her skin is like a punch to the gut. You softly trail your fingers just below them.

“Lie down,” you tell her.

She opens her mouth to protest, but you send her a look that begs her to simply do as she's told, and for once, she listens. She walks over to her bed with you in tow and eases her way onto it. You crawl on after her, sitting between her thighs.

“No teasing,” she intones, tacking on a quiet, “please.”

You hadn't planned on such a thing anyway. Instead of verbally replying, you lift one of her legs and straddle the other, shuffling forward until you can align your pussy with hers. You place a kiss on her calf and then grind forward.

Twin gasps echo in the room, pleasure setting your bodies ablaze. Wanda’s eyes close as she pants at the feel of your wet cores sliding together. It sends a shudder down your spine, mouth falling open as your clit is stimulated perfectly.

“Doing such a good job, my angel,” Wanda praises, making you whine and grind harder. “You feel exquisite. Love feeling your cunt, dripping and desperate against mine.”

“My King, please,” you whimper.

She moans and yanks you down for a kiss, sucking on your tongue, biting your lip. You cry out when her fingers pinch and tug your nipples, hips twitching out of rhythm for a moment before you regain it. Both of your thighs are messy with slick, the sound of it sending heat up to your face, makes your clit throb.

“Come on, then. Let me hear you,” she orders. “Want to see you come apart on top of me.”

You feel a sudden smack to your ass and you're keening, grinding faster as sweat forms across your hairline, on the small of your back. Wanda isn't faring any better, her cheeks flushed a stunning shade of pink. She keeps spanking you, urging you on. Your ass stings, but it's a welcome feeling, a reminder that she's here, below you.

“Come for me, pretty girl,” she requests.

You can only listen, your clit beating in time with your heart as you grind it on hers, moaning loudly when your orgasm consumes you. Wanda pulls you down entirely, shifting you to lay on your side and lift your leg. With pleasure still clouding your mind, you blindly follow her silent instruction. The high of your climax hasn't even receded when she slides two fingers inside you. A surprised whine falls past your slackened lips.

“I've got to get one more out of you, my love,” she informs you, immediately thrusting her fingers at a brutal pace. “I know you can do that for me. Can't you?”

You nod, letting out noises that you're sure the crew can hear. Wanda doesn't seem to care, though, so you can't find it in you to care either. She licks into your mouth, her tongue tangling with yours, making you shiver and clench around her fingers.

“That's it, there you go,” she coos.

Her thumb joins in, swiping over your sensitive clit. You nearly scream her name. She grins proudly, curling her fingers and rubbing over the spot inside you that is sure to have you wailing. It takes only a minute longer and then your second orgasm rushes through you.

“Beautiful, so beautiful, my sweet angel,” Wanda is saying in your ear, kissing along your jaw as spots dance in your vision.

You weakly push at her hand when you become overly tender. She removes her fingers and gathers your wetness, bringing her hand down to her clit and using it to quickly get herself off. She holds your heavy lidded stare until her orgasm takes over. She tosses her head back with a cut off shout, her hips bucking into her hand.

“My handsome captain,” you say, kissing her shoulder. “Took such good care of me. Thank you, my darling.”

Wanda sighs as relaxes. “Always for you.”

You trade sweet nothings and even sweeter kisses for a few, long moments until you remember her injury. The skin around it looks more irritated than before, but she promises that she's fine, kissing away your worries.

You stay wrapped up in each other, running soothing hands over each other’s bodies for a while. When you yawn and blink drowsily, Wanda covers you with the blanket, letting you cuddle up even closer.

You're asleep between one blink and the next.

#avengers fic #marvel fic #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff fic #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #pirate king wanda x reader

[pappydaddy]

take care of you (j.m.)

a/n: i decided to try out not using gifs bc it seems to be a thing of the past? so i decided to give it a go!

tv show/movie: outer banks | pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader

requested by a lovely anon as part of my 800 follower celebration

synopsis: jj is sick, but doesn't want to admit it. luckily, y/n will always be there to take care of him.

taglist: @luvhann | @thelakespoets  | @lonely-simp | @smarie7543 | @tenaciousperfectionunknown | @k-k0129 | @maybankslover | @taurusvic | @moralina | @verystarfishflower | @4dr1ana | @adr1an4 | @instabull | @poppet05 | @rottenstyx | @boxofsilentwords | @popeheywardssecretgf | @lexi-2004 | @i-always-come-back-xoxo | @rootbeerfaygo | @444lyra *line through your user means i could not tag you lovelies!

warnings: being sick | nearly fainting | use of dayquil mentioned

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____

  JJ didn’t like to feel weak. He hated it. Hated weakness in general. Luckily, it wasn’t very often that JJ felt weak since he escaped the hostile environment of his dad. Now the feeling of weakness only came when: him and his girlfriend were having a particular finically hard month; he is in a situation where he can’t help or protect his girlfriend (or himself if she’s not there); when someone who has power over him is on a power trip; and (dreadfully) when he is sick. 

  However, one good thing about JJ, he’s resilient inside and out. Meaning: he rarely gets sick. In fact, he so rarely gets anything that he is borderline cocky about it. Arrogance that could rival a surgeon and their god complex. But, much like those surgeons he could rival, he isn’t untouchable like his girlfriend keeps reminding him (out of concern).

  “JJ, you’re sick,” She stressed as she followed him around their apartment, hands trying to steer him back into their room. “You need to go to bed, not work a night shift.” 

  JJ was supposed to be getting ready for work, but she was insisting he needed to go back to bed. “I am fine, Y/N/N,” He sighed, obviously not hearing how congested he sounded. Also obviously blind to the angry redness of his nose. “Just a little sniffle, probably just from when you were sick last week.” 

  “You’re not fine, you were shivering all night and when I left this morning. This is your stubbornness and adrenaline talking,” She pointed out. “Besides, I had a fever last week so if you did catch whatever I had, that would mean you are sick enough to stay home tonight.” She was half out of her office clothes, her heels kicked off at the door, the first few buttons of her blouse unbuttoned, and her bra thrown on the back of the couch carelessly. Her summer internship was really driving her up the wall with the dress code, but she needed it in her resume for grad school. 

  “I am fine, Y/N, trust me-“ His words were cut off when he suddenly slumped himself against the doorframe of the bathroom, his hand flying up to his head, eyes squeezing closed. 

  “JJ,” She exclaimed, rushing the short distance over to him. “You need to lay down.” She urged him, slipping past his leaning body to stand in front of him. 

  “It was just a dizzy spell, it’s fine,” He waved her off, trying to push himself off the door frame but he instantly latched onto it again when he started to sway. “It will pass in a minute-“ 

  “No it won’t, J. And even if it does, what happens when you get a dizzy spell at work tonight and nobody else is there to help you? You’re the only one working a night shift tonight.” She reminded him, grabbing his shoulders and slowly guiding him to turn around. 

  She was met with little resistance and she knew he was giving up the fight. As she guided him into their room, he weaved and stumbled, but she did her best to support him but working on construction sites and fishing boats has increased his muscle mass significantly. “Fine,” He relented, flipping down on their bed, eyes closed and sprawled out haphazardly. “But only to make you feel better, because I feel completely fine.” He still held strong. 

  “Yeah, you seem to feel completely fine, Bub,” She hummed with a roll of her eyes. As quickly as she could, she covered him in the comforter before laying two extra blankets on top of him, noticing the shiver to his body. Standing straight, she went to tell him something but she cut herself off, hearing the snores start to build. He always snored louder when I was even remotely sick. “Get some rest,” She whispered, placing a kiss on his searing forehead. “I’m glad he gave in before getting dressed for work.” She sighed, grabbing a blanket for herself from the chair. Nabbing her book, she settled down on the foot of the bed, her head resting on JJ’s leg as he snored away. 

____

  She didn’t plan on falling asleep, she wanted to make sure JJ was doing okay - especially since he was showing signs of a fever. But, unfortunately, the work week had drained her more than she realized and soon she was out like a light without even realizing it. Even now, as JJ stirred awake the next morning, there was a weight on one of his thighs, making his illness-riddled brain confused. 

  His eyes fluttered open, blinking away the blurriness to see Y/N curled up, head resting on his leg, the blanket pulled up to just under her nose. Even in his sickness, he had to coo at her, noticing the mountain of covers and blankets she had on top of him - knowing she was trying to take care of him. The book lying face down on the bed haphazardly told him she tried to stay up to watch over him, but fell asleep instead. 

  “Sweets,” He croaked, his throat aching in red hot irritation and his nose so stuffed his eyes were watering. He shifted his legs, his sinuses hurting too much to sit up fully (or lean forward). “Y/N.” He spoke again, nudging her with his leg. 

  Groaning, she finally started to stir, opening her eyes and slowly assessing her surroundings. “Hey, Bubs,” She hummed, her voice thick with sleep. “I wanted to get you some medicine and a drink for when you woke up, but I fell asleep. I’m sorry, J,” She apologized, pushing herself up to rest on one hand. “How are you feeling?” 

  “I’m sick.” He admitted. Instantly, she was up, fussing over him. The only way for JJ to admit that he was sick was to be so sick that he couldn’t function. 

  “Hang on, Bubs. I will grab some DayQuil and be right back, hang on.” She stressed, rushing around the room in a flurry and she tossed pillows and blankets at him, before rushing out the door into the kitchen. Even with his plugged ears, he could hear her rushing around, cabinet doors slamming a little harder than she anticipated. 

  When she came rushing back into the room, she held a cap full of orange DayQuil in one hand and a glass of orange juice in the other. “Shoot this,” She handed him the plastic cap filled with her ‘miracle medicine’. “Chase it with this, then once that kicks in, I will have breakfast ready for you to eat.” She urged him to take the medicine.

  He relented, tipping his head and the liquid back. No matter how many times he takes that stuff, he is never prepared for the taste, but almost instantly, his chest felt more clear. Pulling a face, he grabbed the orange juice, chugging it in an attempt to smother the taste. “Ugh. Even with basically no ability to taste, I still taste that shit.” He spat before blowing his nose, hoping to be less stuffed up. 

  “I know, Bubs, but it really helps clear you up for a few hours, we just have to try to stay ahead of it.” She encouraged, collecting the cap and now empty glass. 

  Just as she nearly crossed the threshold into their bedroom, he called out to her in a nearly gone voice. Looking over her shoulder with a hum, she waited for him to speak. “Thank you for taking care of me, even when I was too stubborn to realize I was sick.” Over the years, JJ has grown quite a bit (mostly thanks to Y/N) and he can, now, admit when he is wrong - sometimes. 

  A soft smile graced her face. “Of course, J. I will always take care of you.” She reminded him, but he already knew that. They always take care of each other. They have to. They’re fighting this world together.

#pappydaddy #pappydaddy writes #pappydaddy's 800 follower celebration #jj maybank #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank fluff #outer banks #obx #obx fic #jj maybank x you #jj maybank blurb #jj maybank outer banks #jj maybank drabble #jj maybank fic #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank headcanons #jj maybank masterlist #jj maybank obx #jj maybank one shot

[simlicious]

Personal update about my anxiety

Time for another personal update! At the moment, I'm not really in a creative mood and my projects are all resting.

I am working on more stuff in my real life, including cleaning/decluttering my apartment and working through an anxiety app which will hopefully get me to start exposure (though I shudder at the thought alone). The funny thing is, the app is for social anxiety, and I do have some social anxiety, but I think I mainly have agoraphobia (but there is no medical app available for this at the moment, so I took the next best thing). The app said: "Let's make a gradual steps plan, you first choose a very easy step, then one that is a little harder and harder, and so on until the hardest step comes at the top." And for the easiest step, it actually suggested one of my hardest steps: going into a store, buying something, and interacting with the cashier. Checkouts give me such anxiety. I once had a full-blown panic attack because I couldn't remember the PIN number for my credit or debit card. And I very rarely get panic attacks. Luckily, my brother was present and he was able to pay for me while I almost hyperventilated and tears were streaming down my face. Generally, I start sweating and get shaky hands which does not help while handling cards and remembering pin numbers. I get tunnel vision and cannot focus on anything that is going on around me. Sometimes, blood rushes in my ears so I have a hard time picking up whether someone is saying anything. Then, all items need to be put into bags at lightning speed, and I always fear that I am not fast enough and that everyone else in line is annoyed and angry with me and this makes me even more nervous. Putting things away with shaky hands is tough! So I send my boyfriend shopping for me or buy online most of the time. If I absolutely must, I can go shopping with one of my loved ones because I feel a tiny bit calmer and know I have a safety net with me. They can also help me put stuff in my bags. But alone? That's nightmare fuel for me. Same thing with using public transportation, I just can't do it. I also have a very hard time sitting in waiting rooms at the doctor's office, I get so tense and do not know what to do with myself. Oh, and I also have severe anxiety when I need to make a phone call 😫 But all that is seriously impacting my life, as you can imagine. And I want to change something.

Since the app is not helpful with suggestions for my gradually harder steps to take, I have to come up with my own, and it is harder than I thought! All the things I think about are really hard for me, I cannot think of less hard steps to take 😣 Even just going outside without a destination/going out by myself is also anxiety-inducing for me. I feel like I am watched all the time, I get tense and my thoughts start racing or going in circles. This also happens while I am in a store to shop for something. I get paralysed sometimes with decision fatigue and if someone else comes into the same aisle, I have the urge to run away instantly. I get so distracted that I need to spend way more time in a store than usual and this is of course not making me calmer. I am just super exhausted after going shopping! I am proud that I leave the house twice a week now to go for a walk with my best friend though. We have just established a second day of the week this year, and we still do not go twice every week, but pretty often, which is great. And I love to walk in nature, it calms me (if there aren't too many other people around). 😊 I am also making progress with my borked sleep cycle. I am a night owl 🦉, but being awake the whole night clashes a lot with my family's plans. I have tried for months to shift it, but in the last one to two weeks, I actually made real progress and went to bed 2 to 3 hours earlier than normal, which is really huge for me! I found out that there are lots of free audiobooks on YouTube that authors upload themselves. So one hour before I want to sleep, I put one on, set a shutdown timer of 60 minutes so it will turn off after that time, and then go to bed and listen to it until I fall asleep. This has motivated me enough to actually go to bed earlier.

As a result, I get more daylight and I am more inclined to do housework, which I also struggle with in general, so this is really great! I am focusing more on that now. I also started playing Subnautica again, but I can only play for a few hours on end because it can get pretty intense. I kinda want to play Sims 4 again (weird, I know). My anxiety app wants me to think more positively, so instead of thinking that it is no use updating my mods because the minute I do, another patch drops anyway and I have to start all over, I should think more positively. I will probably drop the game after playing for a day anyway, so it does not need to stay updated for long! Maybe downloading and updating mods is more fun than actually playing anyway? 😆

#non-sims #personal #life with anxiety

[foxymoxynoona]

Over the Falls Ch. 3: Churn

Sexy Banner & bar by @borabae-gx

Summary: Jungkook sees a lot of things as a pool tech. It’s…  fine. It pays the bills between mornings on the water and evenings  rocking out with his garage-band. His favorite thing to see on the job has been Grace Birch –older but a hottie, wealthy but nice, and  unfortunately very married. At least until Grace learns what her husband  has been up to behind her back. Now that she’s free, Jungkook finds  himself wondering: what does it take for a guy like him to catch the eye of a woman like that?

Genre: Poolboy Jungkook x Rich Divorcee OC

Tags: Age gap (older woman), socioeconomic gap, Surferboy JK, drummer/guitarist/vocalist JK, Wealthy divorcee OC, househusband

CW: Mature/Explicit,  Infidelity (not between JKxOC), language, alcohol, recreational drugs, lots of explicit sex, ageist/racist/classist remarks down the road, outdoor sex, beach sex

Chapter Two | Masterlist | Chapter Three

“GRACE!”

She hated the way her name sounded as a shout. The gr got swallowed, the a dragged out, the c punched too hard. Tim had always said her name in a way that sounded like an insult, she just hadn’t realized it until now. He rarely called her by it, only if he was angry or disappointing her, pleading for her to accept an insincere apology.

Grace pulled her phone out and opened the voice recording app, as instructed. When her divorce attorney had given her these tips, she hadn’t thought she would need them. She’d been more focused on her regret that she wouldn’t get to see Tim’s face when he got served the papers. He’d be so shocked. He didn’t know she knew. He would never expect her to go through with this even if she did find out –and that had, in fact, been the deciding thing for her. Her husband would make excuses and expect to be forgiven. 

Well, she refused. She refused to be that woman. She refused to spend another minute of her time working on a marriage to this man. She’d worried about her decision up until the first meeting with her divorce attorney and then relief had flooded her system so sharp and fast that it nearly carried her away. She couldn’t fucking wait to be divorced from this asshole, who was too stupid and to even delete the evidence from their in-home camera system 

They’re always stupid, the divorce attorney –a woman named Lidiya Hel, very good at what she did– told her. Their egos can’t imagine that they’ll get caught. Their egos can’t imagine they won’t be forgiven because they’ve always been forgiven for everything. It’s not like this is the first thing he’s done wrong in the marriage, is it?

No. It was not. 

As soon as the backdoor slid open, Grace sprang to her feet, hit record, and announced, “I am recording this conversation so I’d suggest not saying anything you don’t want on record.”

“Grace.” He spat her name and stormed towards her, the yellow legal envelope curled in his hand like a newspaper to hit her on the nose with. “The fuck is this? Divorce papers?”

“Yes. Did you read them?”

“I didn’t need to! I saw the first line and knew something was wrong. I was at work! I was just leaving a meeting with the CEO and this fucktard comes up and asks who I am. I thought it was a shithead new hire! Instead he gives me this shit. At work!”

Grace was glad to hear the play by play and corrected him, “I don’t control when the server finds you.”

“Don’t give me that shit. What is this? What do you mean, divorce? First I’m hearing that you’ve got any issues in this marriage and you didn’t even have the balls to talk to me first? Sweetheart, whatever it is–”

“Don’t call me sweetheart,” she interrupted. “That’s what you’ve been calling all of the women you fuck in our home. I’m not sure what you call the ones you don’t bring here.” She didn’t actually know if there were more than the three over the last two years, but she assumed so. Probably on all those business trips.

Tim froze. The fucking idiot. The papers said she was filing on grounds of adultery. He really hadn’t read them. Grace couldn’t imagine the self importance you needed to just walk into a situation like this blindly and assume it would go well for you.

“You can’t be surprised I figured it out,” she scoffed. “Do you realize how much footage I have from the home security system you chose?”

“You’re bluffing and it’s not a good look for you,” he countered. “You don’t have the login for the account. It’s in–”

“I’m your wife. It was no problem at all to get it.”

Tim froze, like she’d paused a video, for an insanely long moment.

“Now… now look here. I…” he restarted. 

Actually, this was even better than seeing him when he got served. The emotions moved so rapidly across his flace she couldn’t name them, but she did know they indicated a usually brilliantly-quick mind trying to pick its angle. He was quick on his feet, that was why he did so well at his job. What would he choose: play the victim? Blame her? Beg for forgiveness? Rage about the invasion of his privacy?

He glanced at the phone in her hand and laughed, “What do you think you’re doing, sweetheart. I can toss that in the pool and there goes your precious recording.”

“Ruining my property, I think that’s technically assault.”

“Just because your head-up-his-ass father is a lawyer doesn’t make you one. I’m sure he’s– no. No, I didn’t mean that. You’re just catching me by surprise right now. I’m not going to break your phone. What, did you think I was going to do something violent?”

“Maybe.”

“Grace…”

“Turns out I don’t know you at all.”

“Oh come on,” he sighed, and looked away. He was still deliberating. He was trying to buy time, trying to calculate which method would get him what he wanted. And she knew he was having a hard time because he couldn’t predict her anymore. He pinched the bridge of his nose and gave another deep sigh. “Grace. I’m sorry.”

She really hadn’t thought he’d pick that one. 

“I made a mistake. You’re right.” He nodded, gaze roaming the pool area, her book, her drink beside the lounge chair. “I got carried away… I’m under so much pressure with work, you know that. A few late nights, and… and you working so much…”

“So it’s my fault you fucked multiple women?”

“I’m a sex addict.”

“You’re a liar,” she corrected, “And a selfish prick.”

“Oh, what now, who’s the one calling names on your little recording?” he demanded, as if this was some incredible victory for him. “Here I want to have a conversation about how we can fix this marriage and you’re–”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Fix what?”

“I know you’re hurting right now and in shock… I… I didn’t mean for you to find out,” he said, hands out like he expected her to slip hers into them. “I knew I messed up. I’d already called it off and I was going to come clean and–”

“Yeah fucking right.” 

“You fucking bitch, you can’t even listen to me saying I– Sorry,” he interrupted himself again, holding his hands up for a pause and looking away. Grace just stared at him and tried to understand how she had ever loved this toad. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that,” he said. “I’m just frustrated. Sweetheart, I understand you’re hurt and mad. Hey, I’d be pissed too if you were fucking around, but if the situation was reversed and I was looking at it from how you’ve been, I’d hear me out because I love you and—”

“From how I’ve been? How have I been, Tim?” she demanded. “Supportive? Lonely? Dedicated to our marriage and the things that make you happy?”

“Me? The things that make me happy? What’s so hard that you’re doing to make me happy? You don’t sacrifice a damn thing for me, you just peck at my all the time and all the ways I’m not as successful as your dear old dad. Let me tell you what you’re not doing to make me happy is you aren’t… you aren’t supporting me when things are hard at work. You aren’t listening to me now as I’m apologizing and trying to fix this.”

“There’s nothing to fix! You’re a terrible husband but I thought you were at least loyal! I thought you were just a workaholic because I’m an idiot!” She stepped away from him, biting back her own rage so it wouldn’t make her cry. She didn’t want to rage cry. She wanted to stay calm and in control because she had made her decision and there was nothing he could say to change it.

“Sure, now you’re saying I’m a terrible husband, but I’ve made you happy! We’ve been happy together all these years and I’m not the one giving up on our future. Get rid of these fucking papers,” he said and threw them into the pool. “We’re not talking divorce. We’ll go to counseling. I’ll go with you.”

“I’m not going to counseling with you.”

“Oh, but I’m the bad guy? I’m the one who wants to work on our marriage here–”

“We don’t have a marriage, Tim. It broke as soon as you started fucking around and I can’t begin to understand why you suddenly want to fight for it now.”

“Because I made a mistake and I don’t want to let that ruin the best thing in my life–”

“No. No you did not make a mistake. How many mistakes did you make, Tim? How many women? For how many years? I have proof of at least three and I’m sure more will be uncovered–”

“What, your dad hired a fucking P.I. or something?” His face hardened and it reminded her of the “jokes” he’d made before, about whether her family did that kind of thing, if they’d have him investigated or watched, if they’d ever trust him. He said they were crazy, delusional, then reached his hand out for some of their money. They had done that before the wedding, without her knowledge of blessing. Because her family well knew that money made other people crazy and delusional and willing to do anything to get it from you. There had been nothing to find back then. Or he hadn’t been as lazy about hiding it. 

Tim paced, tucking his hands into his armpits as this new thread caught him, and he pressed, ‘What does your dad think about this, huh? Your family all up in arms ready to crucify me when I bet your dad’s done the same thing. It happens, Grace. Men make mistakes when they work with the kind of stakes men like me and your dad do–”

“Stop comparing yourself to my father,” she scoffed. “You are nothing like him.”

“So far as you know, huh, Grace? You’re so fucking naive…”

“Yeah, about you!”

“Daddy’s Girl, worship the ground he walks on. I should have known he’d tell you to leave me. Is that what he said?”

Grace knew it would drive him crazy as she answered, “His reaction isn’t any of your business.” Tim wanted so badly to be liked by her father, despite his claims of not caring. How devastating for her that he would probably be more upset to lose her father’s respect than to lose hers.

“You want me to apologize to him? I’ll do it.”

“It’s over, Tim. I am not interested in reconciliation and it has nothing to do with my–”

“Like hell you’re not! I’ll fight for this marriage–”

“Why?!” she cried. “You don’t want to be with me!”

“Of course I do! I married you, Grace! I love you!”

“You don’t.”

“Don’t you tell me what I do or don’t–”

“You cheated on me! You don’t cheat on people you love!”

“It was a mistake. I regret it! You get that on your recording? You got your little trophy? Turns out when a man is nagged by his wife it gets to him.”

“It’s not my fault!” Grace insisted. She felt like he was spinning around, trying to make her dizzy and confused.

“You want me to grovel? Is that it?”

“If I’m so awful as a wife, why do you even care that I want a divorce?” she countered. “Don’t you want to be free so you can be with those nineteen-year-olds.”

“I would never be with someone under twenty-five,” he grimaced. “And no, Grace, I want to be with my wife.” It was insane, the way he made it sound like she was the one hurting and depriving him here. She had thought her rage and pain had built enough of a bulwark around her heart for this conversation, but watching him lash out like this just drove the point in deeper. Maybe there was a small part of her that had hoped Tim would offer a valid excuse, or that his apology would feel sincere and enough and she could forgive him, love him again, save her marriage.

But all he had to say was that this was her fault and he’d made a mistake. He didn’t seem loving or apologetic as he grappled with a barely-controlled rage that had her checking that the chair wasn’t right behind her in case she needed to run. Tim wouldn’t hurt her physically… right? But two weeks ago, she wouldn’t have expected he could cheat on her either… well. Maybe that wasn’t totally true. Maybe she wasn’t actually surprised by all this. Was that better or worse than being blind-sided? It didn’t matter, she’d never be close enough with someone again to compare.

Her face must have shown some emotion that Tim seized upon, because he reached his hand out and insisted, “Come on, sweetheart. Stop this bullshit. We’ve been together too long. I know I fucked up and I’ll make it up to you. No need to call quits on us yet.”

“Is it because of the prenup?” 

The question rolled out without a thought and she immediately regretted it.

What little restraint Tim had held through all of this snapped. Ah, the prenup. The one her dad had insisted on, that she almost hadn’t done in an effort to prove that she loved and trusted Tim. That he was worthy of trust. 

“This isn’t about the fucking prenup!” he shouted in a way that made it very clear it was. At least in part. Grace was very familiar with that prenup, having just gone over it in detail with her divorce attorney. Their marital earnings would be split 50/50, but exclude any interest earned on the money either had before marriage, defined as a set dollar amount. Grace’s amount had been much larger than Tim’s. Tim would be safe from paying alimony despite the fact he made more now, unless a judge overruled their prenup on that point. But, probably the most stressful piece to Tim right now, was that he would owe her father the amount he had borrowed to start his consulting business, after his own parents wouldn’t loan him the money because the first one had folded. Grace had been so confident he’d succeed, she hadn’t even felt embarrassed by her father’s insistence on tying the loan to her prenup. She’d figured it was just a way to spare Tim’s ego at accepting the loan, since obviously he would always be a loving, devoted husband, and so it would forever remain just “family money” and not require payback. That consulting business too had gone under, the money was gone.

Until now. Now Tim owed her father $5 million dollars, on top of splitting his assets with Grace in half. She was not actually sure he even had the money, though she suspected he had multiple bank accounts in addition to their shared one. She had a second one, no harm in that, but at this point she doubted him on everything so who knew what he was hiding? So she had squashed her early instinct to be merciful and nodded when the attorney suggested he’s probably been using you for a long time; let’s take him to the cleaners. 

“How fucking dare you bring up the prenup? The prenup doesn’t matter! We aren’t getting divorced! You know better than that! There’s no way your family supports you leaving me, we made a commitment to each other–”

“That you failed when you cheated on me.”

“And now you’re failing it worse by quitting! Don’t even talk about it anymore, I won’t go through with the divorce! We’ll take some time off work and go on a nice vacation together and do marriage counseling and then we’re going to put this whole thing behind us–”

“Until you cheat again?”

“Stop talking about that! You think I wanted to do that? But you’re such a bitch all the time and it wears a man down to have someone like you always nagging about what’s going on at work and whether I closed the deal and why can’t I be like your dad! Go fuck your dad then if you think he’s so fucking great!”

“Stop. Just stop talking,” she pleaded under the weight of his words. Probably the whole street could hear them right now, she realized. She was done with this conversation. She wanted it to end. Any sense of victory or enjoyment was now gone. 

“No, you wanted to talk about our marriage! Let’s talk! You think you’re some poor suffering wife here? You’re barely a wife! You run around playing at being a real estate agent so you can spend money on that shit you call art and be some queen bee in the Society or whatever the fuck your family gets randy about–”

“Stop it, Tim!”

“Oh you don’t like us talking about you, huh?”

She grabbed her things, phone still clutched in her hand and tried to step around him to get to the house. 

He grabbed her arm and she screamed, “LET GO OF ME!”

“Hey everything ok back there?” a male voice called, and for a brief moment Grace thought it was the pool guy again. Wouldn’t that be perfect? And yet a strange rush of relief came with the idea; Grace felt a desperation to hide behind any man who could make Tim go right now. So feminist of her, huh? She hated herself for the impulse and yet…

“Fuck off!” Tim shouted at the interloper.

“Ma’am?” the voice called again and now she could see the mailman by the back gate. “You need me to call someone?”

“I told you to fuck off,” Tim said, stepping around her to march towards the man now. Grace wanted to wilt under the mortification of a witness at the same time she felt a deep gratitude that someone had heard and actually stepped in. Who did that? The mailman! Even if her neighbors did hear anything right now, they were probably sipping mimosas by the window to hear what other dirty laundry came out. 

“I’m fine, thank you,” she called to the mailman. “My ex-husband was just leaving.”

“Like fuck I am,” Tim said, whirling on her again. “This is my house. I’m not going anywhere. You do some thinking, Grace, and get your head together quick to save this marriage, because you need me more than I need you. You think anyone else is going to deal with your rich bitch attitude?”

“Who says I want someone else? I’m not shopping around, but I deserve not to be treated like this–”

“Yeah it’s all about what you deserve. You have no fucking clue what the world is like because first daddy protected you and now I’ve done the same thing and look where it fucking got me. Wasting our money on a goddamn divorce lawyer. We aren’t getting divorced!”

The mailman was still there and had pulled out his phone. Grace saw it and tried to gesture not to. Tim didn’t notice. He’d said his piece and stomped into the house, fuming. There was no way to slam the sliding door but he tried and his scream of rage almost cut through Grace’s fear to make her laugh. 

But she didn’t laugh. She sank to the lounge chair, her legs shaking, her head throbbing. The air felt static in the wake of his fury.

“You ok?” the mailman called to her. “I can still call.”

“No, I’m fine. I’m so sorry you saw that. We’re… getting divorced and he’s not taking it well.” The first person she had told she was getting divorced: the fucking mailman.

“Good for you,” he said, but it sounded sincere. “I hope you leave that bastard high and dry. You sure you’re going to be ok? You have somewhere else to go?”

“I’ll be fine, but thank you.”

He seemed reluctant to go. She couldn’t believe he’d stepped in so much; she’d never traded a word with this man in her life though she did leave him a gift at the holidays. Merry Christmas, to our postal worker, because she didn’t know his name. Did she really seem like such a damsel? His hesitation twisted her emotions and she began to feel genuine anger. Couldn’t he see that this was embarrassing? She’d said he could go! He should go!

He was gone before the angry words rolled off her tongue, for which she was grateful. But then she was alone and that felt bad too. The yard felt eerily quiet and she wondered what Tim was doing inside. It scared her. She still believed he wouldn’t physically hurt her, but was that only because she wanted to believe that? He might be in there finding some other way to vent his rage: destroying her paintings or smashing TVs or who knew what.

She ended the video. It was long. She couldn’t bear to watch it but immediately sent it to her attorney, then called.

“Grace. I haven’t watched the video you just sent. Is there something wrong?” Lidiya asked.

“Tim isn’t handling news of the divorce well,” she admitted, her breath shaking as she blinked back tears. She felt like he was still standing there yelling at her. “I don’t think I can stay in the house with him. I mean, I can… but I don’t want to… but will I lose my stake in the house then? Abandonment?”

“No, not at all. He has made you feel unsafe. As long as you keep paying your part of the bills, it’s fine.”

“Hold on a second.” Grace looked up at the rumble of the garage door. A car door slammed and then Tim’s car peeled out of the garage.

“He left. I can breathe now.”

“Good. Catch your breath and go pack your things. Stay with a friend, family, hotel, it doesn’t matter. The disclosure is hard if the other person doesn’t see it coming. I won’t lie and say this will be the only hard part, but you will get through this and I’ll be right there with you.”

Grace wanted Lidiya to tell her she was doing the right thing, that this divorce was the right step. She knew it was. But it was one thing to know it and another to have Tim standing there yelling, twisting her around, making it sound like she was the cause for failure. And she hated this. She didn’t want to leave the house! She couldn’t pack up all her stuff so quickly so she’d have to leave things behind and hope he didn’t destroy them in his rage. She didn’t want to stay somewhere else. She didn’t want to admit to her friends and family any of this was happening, and staying somewhere else was a concrete step towards admitting this was happening. She loved this house! She hadn’t loved married life to Tim but she could pretend she had, to mourn the things she had thought were good. She wanted to keep lying by the beautiful pool, but Tim had ruined her day just like he had ruined everything else.

September

“So then she grabs my ass,” Jungkook explained, “and laughs. Like, right in my face with her nastyass cigarette breath.”

Yoojin reached around him to pull the cabinet open and search for a sippy cup lid, nearly clocking Jungkook in the head from where he sat on the counter. 

“That’s so gross. Did she try to pretend it was an accident?”

“No. She asked me what kind of body oil I use. I was just sweaty! It’s fucking ninety-eight degrees out there today!”

Yoojin crinkled her nose and said, “That’s disgusting.”

“I know!”

“No, I mean you being that sweaty. Have you thought of getting a doctor to look into that?”

“Shut up, asshole,” he laughed, trying to kick the back of her knee as she sauntered away. 

“Hey, not in front of my son!”

But Max not only wasn’t in the room, it would be highly unlike him to repeat anything he heard, despite their best efforts. His first birthday had just passed, but he still had only a few words he reliably used, much to Yoojin’s panic. She’d recently implemented a rule that everyone had to only speak English to him, in case speaking two languages at home was slowing him down. Eomma insisted he was clearly smart and just didn’t have anything to say yet, but it was a sore subject, likely to send Yoojin into a shrieking fit, like she had when Jungkook asked if the pediatrician had said anything about it. He still didn’t know if she’d even asked about it. He didn’t think fear or shame were a good reason not to ask the pediatrician though, even if it was them doing something wrong.

“Yeah, how would he feel to hear his mom is victim-blaming, huh?”

“I’m not victim blaming. If you’re so pissed about it… I don’t know. Tell your boss you won’t work at their house anymore or something. I thought you dealt with this all the time?”

“Not all the time. It was worse when I was a cabana boy, and those fuckers didn’t give a shit what we dealt with from guests. The guest is always right.” He shuddered. The tips had been phenomenal but ultimately not worth it. He still started on the defense around older women drinking by a pool or beach, at least that kind of older woman. You could always tell. Just like he’d known Mrs. Abigail Pender was trouble since he’d started working for them. He hadn’t thought she’d actually grab him like that, but he’d never felt comfortable around her. Just tried to be polite when she’d so brazenly flirt with him. Apparently all it took was three margaritas (she’d been bragging) and the encouragement of her friends (they’d been drunk too, watching from the patio.)

Jungkook still felt shaky about the whole thing, even though that was embarrassing too. It wasn’t like he thought Mrs. Pender was going to harm him or anything. But who knew what a pissy white woman was capable of? She’d looked shocked when he’d pried her hand off and said, “Please do not touch me, Mrs. Pender. I’m just here to clean your pool.” Like she’d actually thought he came by to flirt or something?! Now he debated whether to tell Bob about the incident or wait to see if she’d call to file some bullshit complaint. That had happened multiple times, and though Bob had been understanding about the call from Limpdick Birch a couple weeks ago, if this was the second woman complaining about Jungkook, at what point would Bob think Jungkook was doing something to cause it all? He wasn’t! He was just cleaning the fucking pools! 

Well, except for the Birchs, where he had involved himself and was no longer cleaning the pool. He’d asked someone else to cover the last month of their cleanings for the summer and worried that was just going to make him look bad in light of any complaints from Mrs. Pender. 

“Yeah, but I mean as a pool guy. Maybe you need to wear more clothes or something? Don’t look at me like that, I realize how it sounds but this is how it goes for women all the time. We should be allowed to wear whatever we want and not get assaulted. It doesn't mean we can.”

“It’s hot and I work outside,” Jungkook defended. “At least if a guy grabs you, you can deck him and everyone will agree it’s deserved. If I deck an old lady, I’m getting sued and going to jail.”

“Ooof, it’ll only be worse in prison.”

“Yoojin, that doesn’t help!”

“I’m sorry,” she sighed, screwing on the lid of the sippy cup and sloshing apple juice onto the counter. The sink was piled with dishes even though she and Max had been the only ones home for lunch. “What else do you want me to say? Cougars are gross. Get a different job.”

But Jungkook didn’t want another job. He sighed noisily as she left the kitchen. Yoojin wasn’t usually his first choice to complain to, because she tended to be unsympathetic at best, and usually just found a way to insist her story was worse. Yeah, Jungkook didn’t envy her raising her son alone –but she wasn’t really “alone.” She lived with his parents. Jungkook babysat a lot for free. 

“If jobs are so easy to change, why don’t you have one?” he demanded, chasing after her. 

“Get off my ass, I’m on round two of an interview!” She slapped at his arm. “Don’t make me sound incompetent in front of Max!”

Max had been reaching for Yoojin but Jungkook scooped him up, hotly defending, “I didn’t make you sound any way. Besides, if I quit my job, I probably can’t babysit for free anymore like this. You want to pay me?”

“You aren’t babysitting,” she immediately complained. “You’re uncling.”

“I’m letting you mooch off my time,” he insisted. But then, afraid she would actually take it as a complaint, he spun Max around and added, “It’s his fault, he’s too stinking cute. It’s hard being the favorite person but ah… a burden I must bear.” Max giggled and squished Jungkook’s cheeks and babbled. “Hey, do you think he just said ‘uncle’?”

“No, I don’t think he just said uncle. I wish! He won’t even say ‘mama’! What the fuck, right? Hey, next time one of the old crones hits on you, why don’t you just play dumb and point out they’re old enough to be your mom?” Yoojin asked. Her eyes sparkled like this sudden idea was the clear and obvious answer to all his problems.

“But they’re into that, that’s the problem,” Jungkook snorted. 

“God I wish people thought I was old enough to be someone’s mom. I’m so sick of people asking if Max is my baby brother. Like what the fuck?”

“Language, Yoon. Or ‘fuck’ might be his next word,” Jungkook scolded her just to get a rise out of her. She opened her mouth, probably to let another string of curses out, butEomma and Appa swung the door open, back from grocery shopping. “Not a word about my work thing,” he said quickly to Yoojin. The last thing he needed was Eomma and Appa worrying about his job security or health and happiness. One time they’d found out about a woman harassing him as a cabana boy and they had actually gone to the resort to talk to his boss about employee protection and the next thing he knew, Jungkook was looking for a new job. The resort swore it had nothing to do with that, but Jungkook knew. Even though he couldn’t hate his parents for it, they had just been trying to help when there had been so little they could do for his brother. Not that they’d ever admitted that was a part of it, but honestly, marching into a resort to complain?! We didn’t come here for our children to be treated like this! He didn’t want them to think he needed that kind of help. He could take care of himself.

Besides, it wasn’t like Jungkook didn’t ever flirt to get good tips or reviews. He didn’t do that now, at least not with any women who would take it too far, but back then… eh, he’d hooked up a couple times with guests too, which was technically what he was fired for…

<“Eomma, Appa, I said I’d go shopping with you,>” Jungkook scolded in Korean, carrying Max over. 

“Stop talking in Korean around him!” Yoojin cried. She was ignored.

Eomma assured him, <”We don’t need you to go grocery shopping with us. We had the time together.”>

<”You work tonight.”>

”Bye Eomma, Bye Appa, I’m going to my second interview. See? Speak English like that,” Yoojin said, trying to slide past them after she kissed Max on the head.

Appa’s face screwed up as he asked, “An interview dressed like that? What is this company again?”

“It’s a catering company, I told you. I have to look nice.” Now Junkook looked at her outfit and also thought it looked a little off for a job interview with a catering company. Her short black dress was pretty tight, and her heels were nothing like you’d wear to show you knew how to cater food and she had a small purse. Small purses meant date.

“Are you going on a date?!” Jungkook hissed, clamping a hand over one of Max’s ears as if to protect him. Max was far more interested in Jungkook’s shell necklace than in whatever his mom’s secret plans might be. “Am I babysitting for you to go on a date?!”

“No! It’s not a date! It’s an interview, I swear! I just dressed nice!”

Jungkook didn’t want to dig in too hard in case it was true and he made her cry –she could turn it on like a faucet in front of their parents and then he’d look like an ass. But Appa raised his eyebrow, also not convinced, and shuffled past with two bags of food.

Eomma nodded at her, <”Ok, good luck if it’s a job interview.”>

“You’re all bullies,” Yoojin huffed. It was impossible to tell if she was really upset by their doubt. Jungkook thought her lack of shouting might actually mean she really was going on a date and didn’t want to back herself into a corner confirming it. Jungkook bit his tongue, for now, but only because their parents were there, and Max was grunting like he was trying to poop. Jungkook would change the diaper, but he drew the line at holding the kid while he did the deed. He’d save the brotherly lecture for later. The last thing Yoojin needed to be doing while she was unemployed with a one year old was going on dates! Not to mention every guy she went after was just like her ex, and she threw a fit if you pointed that out to her. If she was going to date, at least Jungkook wasn’t going to babysit for free for it.

He wound up trading Eomma, so she got stuck with the diaper while Jungkook carried in the groceries and did his best to help put them away with some guidance from Appa. He’d wanted to help with the shopping so Eomma wouldn’t wear herself out before her shift at the nursing home; she was working nights this week. 

<“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”> Jungkook asked Appa, before realizing it was Thursday so Appa had Go night at the community center in K-town. His days were off. He blamed it on not cleaning the Birch’s pool yesterday. He wondered if Mrs. Birch had noticed someone else came by, or if she’d even cared. Probably she was relieved. For all he knew, she’d called to ask for a replacement anyway and Bob just hadn’t mentioned it yet.

<”You and Max can come with me tonight,”> Appa suggested. 

<”It’s tempting but uh…”> Jungkook scrambled trying to think of an excuse, before settling on, <”Yoojin told me not to take him there. You know, she just wants him hearing English. Maybe she mentioned that.”>

<”That’s not the problem! He’ll talk when he’s ready, in English or Korean!”>

Jungkook shrugged. At least the excuse worked. He didn’t feel like sitting around listening to Appa and a bunch of old men play games and talk about sports and weather. He had thought about taking Max to the beach to get him used to it early, but diaper bags were almost as much of a hassle as getting sunscreen on a baby, and after his morning, he didn’t feel up for it. Plus it was hot out. Maybe they’d go for a walk later or maybe they’d just play inside. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket and it felt like he’d stuck a staple in an outlet. He left Eomma and Appa debating what to eat for dinner since both of them would leave early and carried Max with him back to what had become Max’s room once he moved out. He knew it would be Bob’s name on the screen before he even got his phone out of his pocket.

“Yeah, Bob? What’s up, man?”

“Hey, JK. I just got off the phone with–”

“It wasn’t my fault,” Jungkook blurted out. “I didn’t flirt with her or anything, she was just drunk and gossiping with her friends and then grabbed my ass.”

“Uh… who’s this now?”

“Shit. Uh… who did you get off the phone with?” Jungkook asked. He looked to Max for a shared grimace but Max saw toys now and squirmed to be let down so he could play. Jungkook collapsed onto the rug beside him and began nervously stacking blocks.

“I was just calling about the Breslins, they said they want to keep the pools at their properties open through the winter and it looks like it fits into your schedule now that you dropped the Birch house but what’s this about?”

“Ah, just… an incident with…”

“JK, man, I told you, you gotta tell me if there’s an incident. What house?”

“Pender. She got drunk and grabbed my ass. I told her not to touch me and that I was just there to clean the pool. She said some other things but went back into her house and I finished up and left, that’s it.”

“Pender, Pender…. Oh that’s why that name is familiar. You’re the second poolboy then. I don’t give third chances, I’ll let her know we’re dropping her account.”

“Wait, what?!”

“Good, that frees you up for the other Breslin properties. I’ll email you the new schedule.”

“No, wait, Bob, you can’t just drop a client, can you? Aren’t they going to… I don’t know, sue or review bomb or something?”

Bob’s chuckle over the line reminded Jungkook how much he actually did like this job, as he said, “Sometimes. And then what am I going to do, say she’s got to stop assaulting my pool techs. And then she wants to take me to court to prove it didn’t happen, and everyone’s talking about it now? Nah, she’ll bitch to some friends about what a shitty company we are. These people are petty but they’re lazy, and if it’s a repeat offender, they probably don’t want anyone opening the closet door. A couple people start coming forward, suddenly you’ve got a dozen people saying she’s assaulted them.”

“Bob…. thanks. I thought…”

“I’d fire you? I know I may not look like it now, but I was quite a looker back in the day. You think I never caught any eyes or wandering hands? I don’t have much, but my company and dignity are two things that can’t be bought. Well. Company might be bought if it was a really good offer…” He gave that jolly laugh of his again. “See you Monday, mandatory meeting.” And hung up, just like that, no problem.

Jungkook wanted to weep. He’d had enough overbearing, shitty bosses to know Bob was a real one. Not only was he not fired, he had a new schedule now. No Mrs. Pender. No Mr. Birch. No… Mrs. Birch. Which was for the best. It was. It was for the best that he wouldn’t see her again as she debated whether to stay with her shithead husband or go through probably a messy divorce… Yep. For the best. Not his business. He was just the poolboy, remember?

As relief surged through him, Jungkook took hold of Max, rolled onto his back and propped his nephew on his feet to airplane him. Max shrieked with delight; this had been one of his favorite games since he was little.

“Wait, you didn’t just eat, right? No spitting up on me, ok? Hurray, airplane Max!” Jungkook cheered, doing leg lifts with him because if he couldn’t make it to the gym or beach, might as well get some fitness in before their jaunt around the neighborhood. Jungkook was so relieved, he had the energy for adventure.

“Hey, maybe let’s head to the beach after all. You want to? You want to see your uncles and some crabs? You want to be a surfer baby? Yeah, let’s do it.”

January

Grace let out a sigh of relief when she stepped out of the terminal at LAX and felt warmth finally seep back into her bones. Seeing her family for Christmas had been nice, but she was glad to be away from Missouri’s brutal snow and windchill. 

Just about the whole extended family had gathered, which was rare these days. Sure, she would have preferred spending the holiday with only her immediate family in Chicago, but maybe it had been better this way. It had meant more options for distraction every time someone tried to bring up her divorce, and fewer opportunities for one on one time that might lead to inescapable questions. Of course everyone had wanted to talk about it. It wasn’t a thing anyone in their family had done before. Ever. Her extended family’s horrific responses a constant reminder of that fact, everything ranging from aren’t you embarrassed for people to know your marriage failed? To well what was going on at home? Men cheat when something is wrong at home and that’s the wife’s domain to keep happy. She found herself wishing her family would just go back to making subtle digs about her weight and diet like they usually did. Not that they missed an opportunity to warn her to cut back on the stress eating and take up some activity, no need to let herself go. 

Her immediate family… well, they seemed to be following her lead in just not talking about it at all. That was for the best. Even if some small part of her was desperate to talk to anyone except her attorney about it because fucking hell it was miserable! 

She checked her email as she waited for a cab, fully expecting an email from Lidiya with some new bullshit Tim was trying to pull. Mediation was not going well, despite the ironclad prenup. Tim wanted to fight her on everything, and dragged his feet about the information he was required to share, and kept trying to find bullshit “leads” to chase down like he was a real detective. She couldn’t fathom what his play was: this was only going to end in divorce, and he was going to exhaust his finances long before she did hers. Lidiya had suggested he was hoping to burn through their cash without understanding that the court could require him to pay her legal fees alongside his even if he didn’t have the cash at the moment.

But now that the blinders were off, Grace had a new theory. She thought Tim might just not truly understand how money worked. Just like he hadn’t seemed to understand how their prenup worked, or how a marriage vow worked, or a home security system account, and certainly not how she worked. He’d made clear at every turn that he expected her to change her mind and realize she was making a mistake. Maybe that was truly the reason he was making this so miserable, to “give her time” to realize she was wrong.

No emails had come from Lidiya during her flight. No contact from Tim, either, which she carefully documented. Every text, every phone call, every “drop by” her rental condo to “give her stuff” after he’d somehow found out her new place. It wasn’t illegal to go near her, since she really had no grounds for a restraining order, but it was definitely annoying and stupid, clearly just an excuse to see what she was doing, or maybe as an intimidation tactic.. Grace suspected he was hoping she was having men over so he could try to counter that she had been unfaithful as well. 

Part of her wished she had. As she watched the city pass outside the window, buildings spreading further apart and climbing into the multistories of wealthier neighborhoods of Santa Monica, Grace found herself again fantasizing about the petty things she’d rather be doing than fighting Tim in court. How delicious would it have been to be the one who cheated on him? To get her world rocked by someone else and then have Tim discover it and hurt as deeply as she did. Some hot young successful man Tim could never hope to compete with. A guy even came to mind, that art collector, Namjoon Kim. Intelligent, sophisticated, successful, a total hottie, and Tim hated him. He’d be perfect. How beautiful to get some sort of justice. 

But there was no real justice to be got and she was not actually going to pursue something with the mild-mannered guy, especially not as vengeance against her ex. Hopefully she’d get the house, that might be a small justice. She loved that house. In fact, her mother had pulled her aside and offered to help buy the house out from Tim if she needed the money for it. It was the only reference to the whole thing her mom had made, and kindly meant, though Grace wasn’t sure that she wanted to co-own her own home with her mother. But it might be the only way… 

As tempted as she was to drive by the house now, she worried Tim would be there. Possibly with someone. She didn’t want to let on that she really wanted the house or he’d obviously make it impossible. She tried to make it sound like she intended to stay permanently in the furnished condo she was renting. It was nice! But it felt nothing like a home.

Maybe she should get a pet? The thought struck her as she walked through the door. She could. Her family growing up always had dogs but she’d wanted a cat for as long as she could remember. Tim liked to say he was allergic but really he just didn’t like animals –which in hindsight ought to have been a warning sign. Not for the first time, Grace considered all the warning signs she had ignored. The rosy glasses of love really were more like blinders.

Grace set about unpacking her bags. Unpacking was obviously the worst part of travel and she usually procrastinated it but there was nothing else to take her time right now. She didn’t have a single active real estate client at the moment, no houses to stage or sell, and she enforced a strict “no paperwork” policy during her holidays. There weren’t any tv shows or movies she felt like watching, and she’d just sat on the plane for hours anyway, so not in the mood for reading either. Her fitness classes had already passed for the day and she hadn’t signed up for a general gym membership, though it had been on her to-do list because this condo complex didn’t have its own –one of several compromises she had made just to find somewhere fast. 

God, do I really not have any hobbies? Grace collapsed across her bed and stared at the ceiling. That felt like a failure to her. She came from a family of always-doing-somethings. Hunting, riding, jet-setting, painting, hosting, visiting, gambling, taking up whatever club sport or craft struck a fancy and then abandoning it when it no longer served. Grace had ribbons from a half dozen sports lined up like a museum in the bedroom her parents still kept for her at their house but she didn’t fence anymore, no pool, no horse. It had been nice to ride again in Missouri.

She pursed her lips and considered tennis. She’d loved tennis. Hadn’t played it in a while, because she and Tim used to do that together and then he got too busy working –and fucking, probably. A game of tennis actually sounded good right now, without Tim. 

But it would require inviting someone, and Grace didn’t even bother to pick up her phone to consider it. She had always thought of herself as adequately social, she had plenty of “friends,” but going through this divorce had made her question everything she’d hinged on that word. After overhearing the gossip about herself at the third party she had attended without her husband, she had decided to take a break from the social scene —which would inevitably lead to more gossip. It felt like letting the rumor mill win, but what was she supposed to do, clink a spoon against a champagne glass and confirm that yes, she was divorcing, because her husband had fucked around and she wasn’t wiling to overlook it? All these adequately-married couples she’d thought were her friends for years only asked after her to try and get the dirt on why her marriage failed. They expected her to be ashamed for the wrong reasons. She didn’t want to admit she hadn’t been enough, hadn’t been right for her husband; they wanted her to realize how stupid she was to let a stable-earner, social-charmer like Tim go. What was she going to do now, be alone? Boys will be boys. Just forgive him! 

A few people had reached out in ways that felt sincere. Megan blew her phone up every couple of weeks when she went for brunch with “the girls.” Eva from the club had invited her to check out the new gallery opening she patronized, which seemed thoughtful and not geared towards gossip or lecture. Stephanie, who Grace had known since they were girls and had moved to LA only a couple years before, just sent condolences and suggested a girl spa-weekend/ski trip “without the boys.” Kindly meant, even if it revealed the rumor mill had reached her; Stephanie was a different social circle than the Santa Monica club, but Grace hadn’t told her about the divorce.

Grace had brushed everyone off. As she and Tim warred over who would “keep” which “friend” group, Grace found herself doubting who she could trust. Abigail Pender, after hosting one of the parties Grace attended, apparently reported Grace’s presence to Tim, and afterwards she’d received a scathing voicemail from him saying he had known the Penders longer so she shouldn’t go to their parties anymore. Even though he hadn’t gone! And maybe he’d known them longer, having met Mark Pender on a golf green, but she was the one who’d put forth the effort to build and maintain the friendship –mainly because he thought Mark could be a useful friend for him, business-wise. She’d done that with all of them! Tim had always been happy to carry a case of beer to a cookout, or fire up their own grill, but she was the one who planned the events, bought the meat and beer, made sure everyone was having a good time, followed up for the lunches and fishing trips and whatever else got mentioned to make sure these things actually happened.  

All that effort and Grace felt like she’d lost it all. Now she finally began to understand the warning her mother had given when Grace had finally called home to say she was divorcing: “Divorce is like burning the house down and you’re still in it, Grace. Really think about this.”

Would she have done anything differently? She couldn’t say. But she did know it was really fucking lonely now, not knowing who were actually her friends. She missed her house. And she felt pathetic, lying there on her bed, not sure what to do with her time. Tim didn’t own her hobbies, so why couldn’t she think of any? She’d been putting so much energy into her marriage and the social network Tim required to feel secure and connected and successful.

Damn, did that make her as bad as everyone else? But the social networks were just like that. Sometimes you genuinely like the people you invited to dinner and other times it was because there was some business or family connection, or potential, or some unspoken duty to be friends because your distant cousin had married the niece of their best friend. 

Now Grace had failed the social contract by leaving her two-timing (well, at least four-timing) husband and she didn’t want to hear about it anymore. She didn’t trust anyone. She didn’t want to risk getting asked about it more, as if it was a news headline that affected them all but not personally or emotionally. She was very personally and emotionally affected! Didn’t anyone want to talk to her about something else? Was poor divorced woman all they saw when they looked at her now? She had been someone before her marriage, and during her marriage, and she would be someone again soon! 

Once she figured out what she actually liked without Tim’s opinion weighing on her shoulder.

Once she discovered which foods she actually liked instead of the ones they’d ordered just because he did.

Once she figured out how to reclaim her social life from that thieving new-money bastard.

Once she could find a place to live that didn’t look so cold and generic and neutral. She knew neutral colors were all the rage now. This was what new money thought elegance looked like, she’d heard that plenty of times from her mother. 

Ugh, what did Grace like? What did she want to do?

Grace wanted….

Grace liked….

Grace didn’t want to be in bed right now, so she showered and changed clothes to get the smell of travel off. And she walked to get a coffee from down the street just to be among Californians again. 

Then, on an impulse she decided to give into, Grace drove to the animal shelter. It was almost shockingly easy to fill out the paperwork. She didn’t know whether her rental allowed pets but didn’t care, she put her address as the house she was determined to move back into once mediation granted it to her. She googled a vet reference on the way, assuming they wouldn’t check –they didn’t– and listed her sister as her personal reference, assuming they wouldn’t call –they didn’t. 

“Shouldn’t they make it harder to adopt?” she mused on the way home, carrier wedged into the front seat beside her, back seat packed with a splurge worthy of her sister’s shopping habits. 

Foam said nothing, just peered through the mesh with the big eyes that took up an odd amount of his face, one ear flicking. The nub of his other ear swiveled when she turned the car. 

“Almost home,” she said. Suddenly Foam let out a high-pitched yeowl and turned a somersault in his carrier, then curled up in the back. “Sh sh sh, almost home.”

The narration wasn’t important; deaf little Foam couldn’t hear her anyway, but that hadn’t stopped her from talking to him at the adoption center and it wouldn’t stop her now as she hauled the carrier and bags into the condo. She would order a cat tree for him, and a better scratching post, and whatever else struck her fancy, but at least for now he had bedding and food and toys and treats to mark this completely new chapter of his life. From kill shelter to rescue agency and now to life with Grace, she hoped this was going to be a better future for both of them.

As soon as he was out of the carrier, he climbed her like a tree; she flinched at the pinpricks of his claws until he’d reached her shoulder, trying to nestle himself onto her chest like he had at the center. That’s when she’d been a goner. He couldn’t hear her but he could feel the vibrations of her speech and had purred and nuzzled beneath her chin and really Grace had almost broken down in the room as she stroked his gray and white fur. The rescue thought he might be a Singapura-American shorthair mix but Grace couldn’t care less what he was. No one wanted this beat up scrawny deaf kitty, and Tim hadn’t wanted her. 

“Fuck Tim, you’re all I need,” she beamed, arms around Foam as she swayed. 

Apparently he didn’t even need a period to warm up to her, which would have been understandable. She would never know what his life had been like in the five years before he’d got to her, but that didn’t matter either. Suddenly the future looked so much better; already Grace was thrilled to hear the padding of little feet as Foam explored his new home. He shadowed her as she did a pass to make sure there wasn’t anything obviously dangerous for a cat and put on some music and grabbed her laptop to read more about cat ownership. She wondered if Foam would be the kind of cat who’d be happy hiking on a leash or in a backpack…

She’d always wanted a cat and now she had a perfect one. Maybe building the life she wanted, only for herself, wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

March

A lot of people kept their pools open year-round, but there were still enough to closed them for the winter that March always saw a surge in business. Jungkook had spent the winter working mostly on commercial properties, which was stable and all, but he was glad to see his schedule shift back towards more private residences. Not that he liked dealing with snotty rich people, but there were plenty of middle class families too who didn’t treat him like garbage. And hey, maybe his ego could use a little stoking from the non-handsy variety of women, just the ones who admired and flirted a little, because winter had not been kind to him in the dating sphere. Teona had come back into his life for a whole month before deciding he still hadn’t grown up enough. He’d had a string of dates that he shelled out good money for only to find himself ghosted or even blocked afterwards. When he’d drunkenly demanded of Jimin “is it me? Am I a creep?” his friends had taken the shit out of him a little too well. He was still bothered not to know whether they were just teasing or really did think he was a fuckboy.

The tide was out on dating and Jungkook saw spring as a chance to refocus on work and surfing and the band and let the universe steer his dating life for a while. Probably straight into a wall, but if he was going to end up there anyway, he might as well blame it on the universe. 

“You’re hot but you don’t have any substance,” he murmured, repeating the words his latest date via an app had provided when he asked if there was any particular reason she didn’t want a second date. He’d liked her. He had thought the question would reflect well on him, and anticipated her answer being something like oh the sparks just weren’t there or you’re great but I realized I just don’t have time for a relationship right now. Maybe even I realized I was going to fall too hard and fast for you, it scared me. Nope. Hot but no substance.

What did that even mean? Jungkook had so much substance! He had hobbies and interests! He cared about his family! He was good with babies! He played the guitar and drums and sang and worked out and he could cook. He had a stable job and only played a reasonable amount of video games and he knew how to listen. Wasn’t that enough?! What else did women want??

He was still grumbling to himself as he parked at the Cool Pool Inc. building to confirm his schedule and grab a company truck for the day. Bob had sent them out the night before, but Jungkook had a few questions. Namely, about the typo on his schedule regarding the Birches.

“Huh? The Birches?” Bob finally said, looking up from his computer on the third repeat. “Oh, you’ve still got the house but it’s not the Birches anymore. Didn’t you look at the addresses?”

“Yeah but it says the Hessers. Did you mix up the address?”

“No. They bought the place, Birches don’t live there anymore and wherever they moved, I dunno, they aren’t using us anymore.”

Jungkook’s brow lowered in thought. That couldn’t be right. Granted, maybe there weren’t Birches anymore if Mrs. Birch-or-whatever-her-name-was-now had gotten her head on straight and left that twichy-dicked corn chip. He looked at his list of names again but didn’t see her name listed anywhere.

“Maybe they changed their name,” Jungkook suggested. “Or I mean, she did. Did we get any new customers from another address with the first name… Cornelia?” It was just a name, but he felt wrong to say it, like he wasn’t supposed to know, even though it had always been written on his schedule. Hers had been the primary name on the account: Cornelia Birch, even though she had introduced herself to him as “Grace” that first time he’d cleaned for them. It had made sense to him, in a way, that she wouldn’t give her real name to be used casually by a contractor. And ‘Mrs. Birch’ had felt like the proper way to call her anyway –in the beginning because that’s just a thing he did, to charm the rich white ladies with his manners, but later because calling her by her name would have felt intimate or wrong. They weren’t on the same level. She was older and rich and he would just have felt weird about it, ok? Calling her by her first name or a nickname, like they were casual friends. Besides, was she really called Cornelia? That was such an old lady name… He kind of liked that about her though. She had a weird name, and people always thought his name was weird too. 

Bob’s eyebrows lifted. He smacked his lips and glanced at the computer as if going to check but then answered without checking, 

“Nope, no new Cornelia anything. Why, you looking for her?”

“No,” Jungkook quickly assured him. “Just… you know, she’s the one who was so serious about their pool, just wanted to know if she closed the account or just moved to a new house–”

“And changed her name?”

Jungkook shrugged, “I dunno, divorces happen…”

“Or you want to know if Timothy Birch’s calls complaining about you cost us an account?” Bob countered, like he could see it all before him. 

“It wasn’t my fault he complained about me, he was just like that. I hope for her sake, she did leave his ass, he was an asshole.”

Bob chuckled at this show of passion and shook his head, lecturing, “Marriages are a complicated thing, son. Maybe you’ll get it someday. But no, no Timothys, Cornelias, or Graces, Birch or otherwise.” He was already feeling nervous that Bob would think he’d been involved as much as he had been though and didn’t want to dig in more.

“Ok,” Jungkook shrugged. “I got my schedule then. See ya, boss.”

“Keep it fresh, JK,” Bob said, one of the phrases the younger employees had taught him. He was a good one, that Bob. Jungkook waved over his shoulder as he grabbed the keys to his truck to head out.

And yet, he couldn’t shake the suspicion from his mind. So… did that mean Mrs. Birch and Slim-Jim Dick had divorced? Or just moved somewhere else? He decided to hit up the new owners of that residence first, but still half expected it to be one of the Birches up until he knocked on the front door to introduce himself. 

“Great,” the man, Adam Hesser, greeted him with a firm handshake. “We were told by the previous owners your company had been managing the pool so I take it you know what to do? We’re going to keep it open year-round so just keep it nice, our kids will use it a lot. Let me know if you need anything.”

Jungkook nodded, “Yeah yeah, for sure, man. Hey, so you spoke to the previous owners? Which one? Did they say where they were moving?”

“No, I didn’t really, they just had a list of previous contractors.”

“Ah, ok. I’m glad they recommended us. I’ll keep it looking good, head on back on there now. Nice to meet you, Mr. Hesser.”

Gone. That made Jungkook think they’d divorced although he couldn’t be sure. Maybe the Birches were the kind of people who’d decide they had to do everything and anything to save their marriage and they’d moved to Spain or something. Even if they’d divorced, Mrs. Birch might have moved somewhere else. Maybe she wasn’t even in the area anymore, or maybe she didn’t have a pool, which he’d feel sad for her about since she seemed to like it. 

Or maybe she did and had just decided to use a different pool cleaning service.

“Wouldn’t that be fucked up?” Jungkook demanded, leaning in close to make sure his buddies heard him over the noisy bar. Taehyung, Jimin, Hoseok, and Soyoon circled the high-top. Taro was here somewhere too, probably networking. Yoongi had already bailed, claiming he had work early but probably just to get away from the place. He only really hung out at bars if there was music he wanted to catch, and even then bounced the second the bands were done. 

“Uh… yeah,” Jimin nodded, but he had a look like he didn’t understand why.

“Because I was great at what I did,” Jungkook insisted. “I kept the pool looking great so if she –if they have a new pool and decided to use someone else instead, it would be personal, right? Because I was the best professionally.”

“Didn’t you have a fight with her in her backyard about whether she ought to divorce her husband?” Soyoon asked. Jungkook glared. Hard. He had told her that in drunken confidence and of course she had then casually mentioned it to everyone else without a second thought. 

“Yeah, kinda weird,” Taehyung grimaced. “Almost as weird as giving her a video of her husband fucking another woman that you filmed through their window…”

“Hey!”

Jimin came to his defense, insisting, “It’s because he was emotionally compromised.” Wait, that wasn’t the defense Jungkook had hoped for.

“The fuck does that even mean?” Jungkook scowled.

“Aw, it’s because you always had a crush on her, right?” Hoseok asked, his gaze sliding to Jimin as if to confirm this, or make sure it was ok to say. It wasn’t!

“Not in a real way,” Jungkook defended. “Just in like a… a Stacy’s Mom kind of way.”

“That song is fucked up,” Soyoon huffed. “If you reversed the genders, that would be a felony.”

“Sex with a minor is still a felony but they didn’t have sex,” Taehyung countered. “He was just creeping.”

Jimin made a face and admitted, “Really, you think it was just the guy being horny for her? I mean she came out in a towel while he was mowing the lawn, right? No one is surprised by a lawnmower. She knew he was out there.”

“Do you ever see people do things like that when you’re working?” Hoseok asked Jungkook with open curiosity. “Like in just a towel or–”

“Or fucking someone else in the kitchen?” Jimin laughed and threw his arm around Hoseok’s shoulder. “Yeah, he sees it all!”

Jungkook made a face and admitted, “Yeah, I see the towel thing happen.”

“Yeah and is it ever an accident?” Soyoon demanded.

Mrs. Birch didn’t mean to see me when she came up from the home gym in her sports bra. He kept that memory to himself, since these fuckers couldn’t hold anything sacred.

“Eh, sometimes,” he decided. “Sometimes it’s on purpose, but other times it’s just because they just don’t give a shit about you. Like, you’re not even a real human so what do they care if you see them in their towel? But other times yeah it’s on purpose.”

“What’s that show… Desperate Housewives? Wasn’t someone fucking a poolboy in that? It probably gave all the old ladies ideas.”

“Is that show even still on? That’s really old. My mom watched that.”

They looked at Jungkook, who had to explain, “Uh… I don’t… know? I don’t watch that shit.”

“Oh, you know what show I just saw that was great…” Taehyung said, changing the subject further away from what Jungkook had wanted to do: complain about his lack of closure on the Birches.

He grabbed another beer and pretended to follow along, but mostly he was just thinking about how he regretted bailing on those final two weeks of cleaning at the Birches. If he’d gone, maybe he would know what was going on with them, or where they’d gone. It wasn’t like he expected anyone to leave him a note, but it felt wrong for them to just disappear. It felt… bad. He felt bad. He was the one who had sent the tape and while he was sure it had been the right thing to do, he would like to know that was true from Mrs. Birch-called-something-else telling him how grateful she was. Cornelia. Fucking Cornelia. Maybe that was another reason he always called her Mrs. Birch, he just couldn’t bring himself to call her Cornelia. Or Grace, a nickname, which felt even more intimate?! Cornelia wasn’t a name you could say as you fucked a woman slowly against the side of the pool, and Grace was so short… Gracie might make for a good–

Fuck! Abort! Too much beer! Fuck, he was horny, that was all. It wasn’t about her, he’d just crossed the streams of two different thoughts. Never cross streams.

Besides, now he’d never call her anything. She hadn’t had the opportunity to tell him she was grateful or even just reassure her by her happiness that he’d done the right thing. Which he had. Even if she had not seemed grateful when they’d fought about it.

Damnit, couldn’t a guy get closure about anything? Sure he’d had a fantasy crush about her but he was a good guy, he also just wanted to know that she was happy and doing well. Maybe he could google her…

He pulled out his phone and wandered off, mumbling about getting another beer so no one would see his phone screen as he typed in Cornelia Birch. 

A shocking number of results came back. He leaned against the bar and scrolled in disbelief, but the links were all to dense text webpages and he had drunk enough that the letters looked blurry and he didn’t feel like reading a lot right now. Besides, he couldn’t tell if the Cornelia Birch who sat on art boards and was a part of some trust or whatever was her or if it was a common rich white lady name. There were no pictures. Except for a table sold by Wayfair, the “Cornelia,” part of the Birch Lane furniture line. That was kinda funny. White ladies and high end furniture lines, that made sense. He started to type in Grace Birch to see if that got different results, just in case she actually did use that as more than a name to give poor peasants so they wouldn’t sully her proper dignified name when–

“Excuse me, are you ordering or…?” He looked up at the hand on his arm, and the owner of the hand: a pretty blond, tanned and green-eyed.

“Oh, yeah sorry, am I in your way?” He scooted to the side and she pressed in. The bartenders had ignored him but came right over for her. She surprised him by motioning for him to tell his order to.

“Can’t believe they make you wait here,” she said to him.

“You waited ten seconds…”

“No, I mean you. If you can’t get a drink then I don’t get it.”

Jungkook was tipsy and confused. But he nodded and didn’t point out he’d been on his phone and also that he wasn’t sure he’d wanted another beer anyway. But one was brought, and on a whim, he told the bartender to put hers on his tab too. 

“You don’t have a tab open,” the bartender pointed out. Which was annoying because they knew him here and that he was good for it. It embarrassed him in front of the girl. He slid his card over and pretended to be smooth about it.

“Thanks for the drink,” she beamed at him. “I’m Mary.”

“Another old lady name…”

“What?”

“Nothing, so, you new around here? Don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

“You know everyone who comes here?” she teased.

“Just about. Except the tourists. You wouldn’t happen to be one of those, would you?”

“No. I live here, I just never come to this part of town.”

He nudged her closer, away from someone trying to get by, as he pressed, “Then what made you come tonight?”

“My girl friend had a date and wanted  a backup, you know? But apparently that went well because she already left.”

“Wait… so your girl space friend, right? Not your girlfriend?”

“What?”

Jungkook decided she must not have a girlfriend, he was just confusing them both. 

“So… are you leaving then?”

“No. Why, you want me to go?” she laughed.

“Nah. Just checking.” He chugged half his beer to find some liquid courage. He couldn’t believe his luck. A random girl hitting on him in the bar? Great. Perfect thing to distract him from the fact he’d never know what happened to Mrs. Birch. Besides, so what? It didn’t matter. She was just some lady he cleaned pools for.

“So what do you do?” Mary asked him.

“I’m a pool technician,” he answered. “And I also teach surf and work as a lifeguard sometimes.”

“Ah, that explains the muscles. I can tell you’re fit.”

“I drum too. It’s a pretty good workout, no one ever realizes that.”

“Yeah, full body. I don’t play but I mean, I’ve seen people drum.”

He grinned. Yeah, she was into him. 

“What about you?”

“Oh, I’m a senior at USC.” 

Jungkook swallowed hard and drank more beer to give himself time to count. Senior… so she was twenty? Twenty one? Twenty two at most probably. He was twenty-six, that wasn’t… too bad…

“What’s that look?” she laughed.

“You’re young.”

“What?! How old are you?”

“Twenty-six.”

“What? I thought you were like, my age,” she laughed. “I’m twenty one.”

He tsked and shook his head, trying not to smile and ruin the joke as he teased, “A baby.”

“Hey, you’re the one with the baby face.” Ah, he kinda hated it when girls said that, even if he knew it was true. 

“Because I’m Asian?”

“What?!” she gasped. “Oh my god! I would never say that! I didn’t mean it like that!”

“I’m kidding. I know.”

“Oh my god, I am not like that. I don’t care who or what someone is, if they’re hot, they’re hot.” She was clearly really offended by his joke, or maybe too drunk to be calm about anything.

He nudged her and prompted, “So you think I’m hot?”

Within an hour he knew she did. She’d said it enough times, her nails digging into his chest and abs as she bounced on his dick, the springs of his mattress screaming beneath them. He grabbed her hips and pulled her down, eyes slitted so he could just make out the circles of her nipples and the pink folds of her pussy around his girth. She was thin and perky and had an absurd bikini tan despite admitting she never went to the beach. Total California girl in the purchased, store-bought way. 

Which was fine by him. She could be from California or New York or Florida or Timbuktu for all he cared right now. Her energy was great; his drunk brain felt like a tornado of pleasure touched down where her body stroked his.

“We’re going to break your bed,” she giggled.

“Nah, I would have broken it by now.”

“Oh my god, you’re a dick,” she giggled, and slapped him on the face. He didn’t love that but it wasn’t hard enough to hurt. It wasn’t like a dealbreaker or anything. He definitely wasn’t going to pull out for that. It just seemed wrong for this younger girl to do something like that in sex. If someone was going to slap him… ah, Mrs. Birch could slap him. He thought about it with a grin, sinking into the alcohol-logged fantasy he was drunk enough not to stop this time. He let his hands flop out and spread his legs and surrendered. Mrs. Birch could do whatever she wanted to him. She had that fit body but with way more curves than Mary. Small tits were fine but Mrs. Birch’s were bigger, they’d bounce. She had some jiggle to her thighs. If he grabbed her by the ass, he’d get at least a handful. Mary’s assbones were pulverizing his thighs. But Mrs. Birch in that white swimsuit, maybe a size smaller so her body started busting out of it…

Jungkook grabbed Mary’s hips and nutted pretty quickly after that, wordless at the rush of pleasure as a mental image of Mrs. Birch with swollen nipples straining against a white wet suit filled his head in the moments before it all went blank. He rolled Mary onto her back and got in a final stroke and gasped for breath back into his lungs. When she pushed against his chest to get him to sit up, he sat there just gasping while her eyes and hand roamed his stomach, her other hand rubbing herself furiously. He watched with the kind of fascination he always had for a woman cumming: it was a beautiful thing no matter who the woman was. This fake-beach babe looked hot as hell spasming around his spent dick and he made sure to tell her so as he gripped the condom and eased himself out of her.

“You think so?” she taunted. “Because your eyes were closed a lot.”

“Nah, just hard to keep ‘em open when it felt so good,” he assured her. “Trust me, I was looking.” She’d rolled onto her side and he smacked her ass.

“Ouch, too hard,” she complained with a giggle. And reached behind him for the blunt she’d pulled out earlier but abandoned when he’d pulled her shirt off. 

He padded to the bathroom to rinse off and toss the condom, then accepted the blunt when she handed it to him, one arm crooked behind his head in absolute relaxation. Balls empty, brain empty, best night.

She was just nice to him, that’s why he wanted to know whatever happened to Mrs. Birch. Not enough he’d actually look through those google search results or anything. He was just curious. He just wanted closure because she’d been nice to him before and he didn’t feel great that the last time he’d ever see her, they’d had a fight. Hopefully by now she had realized he was right.

“Hey,” he said after blowing smoke towards the ceiling. “If you were married and your husband cheated on you, you’d fucking divorce him, right?”

“Geez, proposing to me already?” she giggled and took the blunt back. 

“No, I’m just saying, that’s what you do, right?”

Mary nodded emphatically, “Yeah, this is the 21st century, no woman should stay with a cheating piece of shit.”

“That’s what I’m saying. You get it.”

“Oh my god… you aren’t married or anything, right?”

Jungkook laughed loud and gestured, crying, “You saw my house! I live with a bunch of dudes!”

“Oh. Right. I wasn’t really thinking about anything like that.”

“Just thinking about my dick?” he grinned.

“Yeah, and how bad I wanted it,” she agreed, rolling against his arm. “And it did not disappoint.”

“See? That’s what I’m saying,” he said again. “You get it.”

“Yeah, I got it good.” Just as Jungkook started to gloat, she asked, “Hey, you got anything harder than this?”

“Than… what?”

“Than pot.”

“No. Take it from your elders, don’t do anything harder than pot,” he snorted. Just like that, warm cozy fantasy of success with Mary started to crumble. Ugh. What was he even doing with a college-age girl he picked up in a bar? One clearly surfing for dick and apparently coke too?

No. No regrets. Not while his dick was still twitching with satisfaction.

“You’re not my dad,” she snickered, before whispering into his ear, “Unless you want me to call you ‘daddy.’”

“You call me daddy, I’m going to spank you a lot harder than that,” he warned. Honestly, he wasn’t really into the name but he also didn’t want to chase her off with a denial. Not when he felt this good. Whatever, he could play along. He could stomach being daddy for another round…

She handed him the blunt and watched him; he felt her gaze even with his eyes closed in the low light.

“Are you thinking about someone else?” she asked. “Who were you talking about? Someone cheated on who? Your sister or something?”

He nearly choked as he sat up and insisted, “Yeah I am not thinking about my sisters while I’m fucking.” That made her laugh harder. She choked too, coughing hard as she took the blunt back to set in the bowl on his nightstand. 

“Then who?”

“Nobody. I just knew you’d understand.”

“Yeah, I’m great like that. Hey, can you spot me money for a lyft back home?”

“Just spend the night, I don’t mind.”

“.... no thanks. You’ve got like a lot of laundry in here…”

“Yeah, tomorrow is laundry day,” he lied, but her criticism made him run a little colder.

“Yeah it was just an observation. I have class early though I gotta go.”

He sighed and pushed himself out of bed to see what cash he had. Only a twenty, which she gladly took before ordering a car that would go on her card anyway. Damn college girls. He got her a glass of water and made sure she got in the car ok before returning to his room. There wasn’t that much laundry in his room. Maybe he’d been in a hurry changing between surfing and work and going out but so what? He hadn’t expected to bring someone back tonight. If she was so particular they could have gone to her place. She probably had laundry everywhere too.

Dizzy now between the pot and alcohol, Jungkook realized with regret there was no way he’d drag himself out of bed in time to catch the morning surf. He had lifeguard duty and family stuff this weekend too, and band practice Sunday, so tomorrow morning was his only chance. And now Mrs. Birch was gone and he had missed the last two cleanings at her place because he’d been too sulky about her being mad at him. He’d fucked, that was great, his balls were drained, but at what cost? Was it really worth it? Was something wrong with Jungkook to wonder if maybe other things in life were even better than sex–

Wait, Mary had early classes on a Saturday!?

Chapter Two | Masterlist | Chapter Three

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