#i re uploaded this because the dark part was way too dark

[illustrious-ia]

＃𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙇𝙇𝘼𝙍𝙊𝙉 𝙃𝙐𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙎 ⠿ 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 AU! 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐄 HEADCANON

✶ ! [ 578 words ]

✶ ! [ CW: dark content, yandere themed, unhealthy obsession, overprotectiveness, stalking, potential ooc, written by non-fluent english speaker. ]

✶ ! [ Uniquant's Note: This abomination has been sitting in the basement for a month... I'm quite cringed at how messy the original hcs was, so it took me fairly a long time to make it acceptable (to me at least). Anyway, I hope u enjoy my monstrosity ♡ ]

✦ Request Status: Open

✦【 Type: Overprotective, devoted 】

: Let's start with how or what the weapon itself sees in you, shall we? Well, just like any other weapon, he himself needs a master in order to have any purpose in existing. And in this case, the master of this particular weapon is you.

: Weapon and master bond are quite complicated to break. The master needs their weapon to protect themselves and the weapon needs the master to have use of them thus care for them.

: When someone threatens its bond, it's either up to you, the master who should command your Blade to rid of such interloper or he'll purge the foul soul himself till they depart unto the afterlife. Oh also, he's a unique weapon. Under certain circumstances, he would moves on his own to protect his master. How marvelous is that?

: Now let's move to how he behaves. He follows you everywhere. To the highest mountain peaks of the Divine Ship, to the bottomless pit of lies built upon the Dreamscape, he is right there, guarding your back from any potential misfortune charging in your way.

: He thinks he is not quite worthy of your attention yet he won't let others bask in it either. Such an abomination like himself shouldn't even breathe the same air as you, yet he appears unwilling to leave your side anytime soon due to his obstinacy and selfishness. He convinced himself that he is doing all of this as an effort to keep the mortal wounds which scarred his past self away from you.

: The only moment when he stands the same step as you is when he deems someone 'dangerous' approaching you. Even if you inform him that the said someone is harmless, at least to you. All he would do is back up and glare daggers at them as his sword long unsheathed ready to dig into the interrupter's neck if they dare to even flash any form of hostility toward you.

: Should he act like a sword, then, should he too sacrifice his flesh to protect you. He'd scathe himself only when it's needed of course. He does not want you to worry your hearts out because he was too careless in his previous battle. He might hurt himself a bit more so your attention lingers awhile on him or his wounds. Will stop if you scowl him for it. But alas, he tends to forget things, including your scoldings.

: Once in a while, he is befuddled by how fast his entire world changed. Was his encounter with you part of Elio's script? But at the same time it doesn't make any sense to him, since Elio has always been open about how any part of the script would go. Was The Equilibrium finally witness his suffering and opted to to alleviate his agony by directing his life changing-encounter with you?

: Either way, those thoughts swiftly vanish as he remembered that nothing really matters as long as he is still by your side.

: As a mere weapon, he shouldn't act this way. Yet here he is. YOU tampered with his broken self and infected it with deuced mortal desire. Since he is yours now, shouldn't you take care of him as a good master?

: He is a bit stubborn and rash sometimes. But it's all for the sake of your safety. So, please forgive him and his wrongdoings, if you see it fit, do punish him. For he believes that you could do nothing wrong.

⋯ Copyright © 2024 by Illustrious-ia. Do not plagiarize, use for AI / Bot training, and re-upload outside of Tumblr.

All rights reserved.

#•°. *࿐✶ ! 𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚝'𝚜—𝙵𝚒𝚕𝚎 #tw yandere #tw obsessive behavior #tw overprotectiveness #tw stalking #yandere x reader #yandere blade #yandere blade x reader #yandere honkai star rail #yandere hsr #yandere honkai star rail x reader #yandere hsr x reader #yandere headcanons #yandere drabble #yandere imagines #overprotective yandere #devoted yandere #male yandere #soft yandere

[dearestxiao]

the color blue: neon [part 2] | yandere xiao x reader, yandere venti x reader

synopsis: the days until you finally meet your penpal has been ticking by so quickly, but with a new tutor, a clingy roommate, and a professor who seems to only want the worst for you, it's hard to keep track of time. WARNINGS: DARK CONTENT, yandere characters, creepy xiao is creepy (lots of potentially uncomfortable thoughts from his perspective), heavily implied stalking, possessiveness, manipulation, dub-con touching, student-teacher dynamic, age gap (reader is 21+ and zhongli is 27+, feel free to adjust as need be). let me know if I need to add anything! reader is gender neutral.

wc: 10.7k

author notes: I wanted to first say thank you for the wait, and I hope that everybody is able to enjoy the changes and edits I’ve made to the story. I also wanted to say thank you to the mutuals who had helped me create the original version of the story. it has been a long time since then, and I’m not entirely sure if they’re still active (OTZ), so I’m not sure if they would still like to be tagged but I am forever grateful to them. this is the last exposition heavy chapter, as well as my last read edit/re-upload of a chapter, so the next few chapters will be much meatier with new content!!! again, thank you so much for the wait. love you all! as always, reblogs are very appreciated if enjoyed and if possible!

ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ່࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏” ♡♡♡ [part 1]

dark content. minors do not interact. do not repost/link.

from xiao's room, there's a perfect view of the town a bit away from campus that greets him everytime he steps inside. it's a gorgeous sight, which is something he could admit, even though he didn’t choose the place himself, one anyone would be grateful for. the town is bright and bustling even still, and it’s only now starting to dim down. it’s getting late into the night, with flashy lights and beautiful architecture and homey buildings, and so many people, people, people.

there are still families on an outing, and cute couples going on dates. shop owners sweeping around their store. he can see as the everyday salaryman walks back home, accompanying the students on their own way home from classes; he can see so many lives being lived from his isolated little tower.

and yet, on nights like these, no matter how enchanting the view, xiao usually prefers to keep his blinds tightly shutー out of sight, out of mind. jealousy is a vile thing, isn't it? it's nasty, tainting your view of the world, of the things you love. after the first few weeks after xiao had moved in, the view quickly lost the charm it once had. because at the end of the day, to him, the view only serves as a cruel reminder of just how alone xiao is and always has been.

it dangles around a painful reminder of the things xiao can never have. it's so close, yet so far out of reach.

but despite his usual bitterness, xiao doesn’t bother closing the blinds tonight, because tonight, he has hope, hope that he could one day be like the many walks of life he sees everyday from his apartment window. hope that he’ll have something worth wondering about.

xiao sits himself on his bed, the second biggest source of comfort in his life right now. for some reason, he feels awfully nervous. he knows why, but he can’t help but wish that awful feeling away. for a split second, he can’t help but wish he was as confident and fearless as... no. he won’t think like that, not right now, at least. he shakes away the thought. butterflies jitter all up and around his stomach as his shaky hands picks up his phone and dials numbers, your numbers. the digits are already memorized by heart.

he tries to calm his nerves as he presses the phone up to his ear after hitting the call button, nails digging into the pajamas he changed into when he got home. he thickly swallows, waiting as patiently as he can, like usual.

ring. rinnng. rinnnnnggg. 

it doesn't take too long for you to pick up.

"hello?" he finally hears.

it's only one word (and a pretty basic one at that), but xiao can already hear the soft underlying shyness of your voice. his mouth naturally opens a little agape. you've always been nervous around those you weren't close to. your voice sends him into a state of bliss, so much so his brain is too foggy to reply until you coo out another hello, questioning if anyone is there on the other line due to the silence.

he almost has to force himself to speak "It's… xiao," he blinks, not even saying hello back, "from professor zhongli's class," xiao almost slips up by saying the name you know him much better by. “you… we spoke on the train. I don’t know if you remember,” he manages to stutter out.

you had seemed pretty out of it when you two talked earlier that very same day. you must’ve been so exhausted to have fallen asleep like that, right next to him. he’s still replaying the site of it over and over, the way you were struggling so hard to stay awake, head bobbing back and forth. it was probably embarrassing for you, but it was a pleasant sight for him. the soft puff of your cheeks and the furrow of your brows, the shallowness of your breath and how relaxed you looked. it made him feel like a creep, staring at you in that state, such an intimate state, a vulnerable state. 

it’s why he had held back as long as he could before finally tapping you awake, wanting to bask in the precious sight for longer.

he snaps back to finally finish his explanation, “…you gave me your number earlier today," he says it less as a reminder to you, but instead as a reminder to himself. he bites his lip, waiting for you to respond, wishing he could see what you looked like right now.

in the meantime, he remembers how your eyes had begrudgingly opened back up at the feeling of him touching you. he remembers the warmth of your body that felt like it could melt his finger tips from the heat. he wishes he could see and feel both much more often, but xiao is patient. lord, is he patient.

he remembers how embarrassed you looked as you sat up in your seat, trying to reorient yourself. “sorry, what did you say?” you finally had spoken after getting settled. you must’ve been too frazzled to hear him the first time. he cleared his throat before he repeated himself, this time a little louder, a little less shy than the first time around.

“I asked which stop you get off at.” you looked at him with eyes big with confusion. he hoped, desperately (he’s always so desperate), that he hadn’t made you feel anything negative.

he made sure to explain the question in hopes that it made you feel more comfortable and not as confused. “…I can wake you up before you get there, if you’d like.”

despite his wants, he needed to make sure you were safe, and were able to actually get home. if he didn’t ‘protect’ you, who would? definitely not that roommate of yours.

to his (would be short-lived) disappointment you had shaken your head. “no, it’s fine. I really shouldn’t have fallen asleep in the first place.” you had paused for a short second before saying, “thank you, though, xiao.” he doesn’t like to remember how he almost shivered at the sound of his name coming from your lips, nor how he had to turn his head as he nodded because he could feel heat creep up it. 

"oh, yes, xiao! sorry, I wasn't expecting you to call so soon. what can I do for you?"

“you asked on the train if I could tutor you. I wanted to set something up.”

it’s true, even if xiao can’t believe it himself. he knew this day would come, but didn’t expect it to be this soon. after several minutes of silence between you two, (or at least as silent as it could be on a train), you had turned to him, as if remembering something, getting his attention before you asked him something.

“sorry if this is coming out of nowhere. I was wondering if…” you took a breath, and xiao had almost sworn you were bordering scared as you finished your question. “I was wondering if you could possibly tutor me for zhonglis class? I don’t know if you’d be able to, but I spoke to him earlier today, and he recommended asking you for help.”

and of course he had said yes, to your surprise. he remembers thinking, silently, that maybe the universe was rewarding him for being so patient, and he had to keep his cool the best he could. 

now here he is, actually setting something up. “would tomorrow with you?”

"yes!," you let out a nervous little laugh at your uncontrollable excitement. xiao can just picture the smile you have on your face, all shy and awkward and cute. "that would work great, I think. I really wasn't expecting you to set something up so quickly. I'm grateful though."

xiao would make the tutoring session today during the dead of night if he could. of course he would set something up so quickly.

you don't need to know that, though.

xiao hums at your words. "we… we can have our first session at my place, if you're comfortable with that." he realizes he might be coming off too strong, so he adds, "but we can have it somewhere else too." he hopes you agree to the first suggestion though.

"t-that'd be great, yeah. whatever works for you, works for me."

"I'll text you the address and the time, then… and we can discuss more sessions or a schedule and stuff further.”

"that sounds good. thank you so much again." you repeat, and he can hear the relief in your voice. it should be him thanking you, really. 

"of course. goodnight."

“goodnight!” you repeat before you both hang up. a wave of bliss strikes his body.

but he isn’t going to sleep, not yet, atleast. Instead, he’s going to stay up all night, right in front of his window, thinking of all the possible lives he’s about to live.

he’ll make sure to thank zhongli for that in the morning.

ーーー NEW MESSAGE ーーー ☆

[name]: I don't think you understand how nervous I am right now

[name]: my hands are shaking and everything

alatus: why? is something wrong?

[name]: you know how I told you how I wasn't doing the greatest in one of my courses?

alatus: of course. did something happen?

[name]: the most intimidating guy I've ever met in my life is my tutor now

[name]: and I have no idea how this first session is gonna go

alatus: I think you’ll be fine. you shouldn’t worry yourself

alatus: you should let me know how everything goes.

ーーー☆

xiao's home is, to put it simply, unique.

you were left awestruck as soon as you stepped into the small but gorgeous studio apartment, shocked by both the feeling of jealousy creeping up your spine and the thought of how someone could possibly afford such an apartment, especially as a college student. no matter how xiao manages to afford his place, though, his home daunts over you. 

there's a large window that lines the wall his bed and desk are propped up against and you can't help but imagine just how xiao would look as he looked out of it and at the bustling city. the glass is frosted and wet from the pitter pattering rain that seems to persist in the cool weather of october. it's a little messy, books scattered about here and there and takeout bags littering the table, and the amount of lighting in this room seems to be as minimal (and as cold) as can be, but it's nothing too bad at all. nothing that you could complain about, at least. 

there's so many things inside his house, so many things your eyes are drawn to, like his big bookcase and comfy bed and his expensive computer setup, and yet it feels so... lonely. devoid of life, even. maybe it's the look of the gloomy black walls and the fact that the only lighting xiao has is a tall floor lamp and the light that comes through his window, but you've never seen such a full home feel so empty. no plants except for one little succulent that's looking worse for wear, no photos of friends or family, no bright colors, no pets to breathe life into the place, no companion to help make this house a home. nothing.

you're suddenly grateful you have such a lively roommate.

it's been a few minutes since xiao had let you in, greeting you in his comfy hoodie and baggy pants, hair put up into a messy bun, before attending to something on his computer (an important email you think, or at least something along those likes, something urgent), telling you to sit wherever you'd like and that he'll be with you shortly. you had nodded while leaving your shoes at the door, asking him if his bed would be a seat he's okay with you being on, garnering a hum in response from him.

"...I'll sit here then, since it'll be close to you and stuff," you murmur, admittedly a bit more nervous and unconfident sounding than you'd like. you plop yourself onto xiao's bed, placing your bag at your feet in front of the bed for easy access. xiao takes what's meant to be a quick glance at you, but he's unable to look away.

he knows it's creepy to say, especially when you're just sitting down so innocently, but the sight is better than what he's fantasized about. he's thought of you so many times in his bed, cuddling with him and running your hands through his hair and letting him press kisses into your face and collar bones. he's thought about waking you up with breakfast and how you'd smile and thank him even if he can't cook very well, but he's willing to learn a couple recipes for you. he's thought about laying there with you after a long day, letting you ramble as he listened like he does as alatus. he's thought about how he'd great you once he comes home like you probably do with venti, watching your form as he wait on his bed for him.

and, most of all, he's thought about the way you'd cry and sob and call him a monster once the day that you find out that his bed is now yours and that this apartment is now your home, trapped forever with him, finally comes.

one day you'll be here permanently, he's sure of it. baby steps first, though.

xiao doesn't realize that in the midst of his thinking, he's been absolutely staring you down, and considering that xiao has a naturally viscous (bitchy) looking resting face, you can't help but squirm under his gaze. "xiao? I can... move, if you'd like."

"no, I just..." he clears his throat before looking back at the work in front of him. "sorry, I zoned out for a second. you can stay there if it feels comfortable. whatever you want." the words come out as a sort of awkward, almost inaudible mumble.

is this supposed to be as awkward and tense feeling as it is?

you nod at his words, albeit a little hesitant, further settling into the soft plush of his bed. your brain is still convinced that he might want you to move, but you decide to just stay where you are. you reach down from your seat, pulling out everything you would need from your bag, waiting patiently for any instructions. the soft clicking of xiao's keyboard and the sound of rain hitting against the window fill the otherwise silent room, and honestly, given the atmosphere and the way xiao's room is so dark and cozy and how warm and inviting his bed is, you're tempted to fall asleep.

xiao's presence, though nerve-wracking, makes you feel at home. it feels familiar. you wouldn't mind falling asleep near him again.

but today's (sadly) not the day for resting. xiao finishes whatever he's working on, closing out of the tab and turning his chair to face your spot on the bed. he brushes a piece of his hair back and out of the way, uncovering the eyebrow piercing the bothersome piece had previously hid. his eyes look dead, tired dark circles laying underneath, and yet he still forces himself to speak, like a zombie who simply refuses to just give up and die.

"did you have anything specific in mind that you want to go over?"

you take a second to think, humming in response. zhongli never truly specified what you needed to brush up upon, only that the last few assignments weren't up to his standards, whatever that means. "I don't know. maybe everything from the last few weeks? I'm not so sure."

he too lets out a soft little hum as he thinks for a moment. he's never tutored before, and he's pretty sure he doesn't even have the qualifications to actually be of any sort of help. he makes it up as he goes.

“on the back of your textbook, there's a study guide that covers all the chapters inside." he gently motions for you to give him the book sitting on your lap, flipping to the page before handing it back to you. "I want you to do the questions of the study guide that cover the chapters we've already read in class. then I'll... assess you from there, and we can come up with a plan.”

it seems like a lot of work, and that's because it is. the longer you spend here (the more he can milk this session for everything it's worth), the better.

you nod, moving to get to work immediately, putting your full effort into the task at hand. you both work silently, xiao clicking at his keys alongside the noise of you flipping through the pages of your textbook and jotting answers down. the noises compliment one another well, creating a lingering sense of peace and calm in the air. you find yourself getting stuck on one or two of the questions, but… surprisingly breezing through the rest, and after a while of working, you gently speak his name, alerting him that you've finished. he’s quick to take your work, starting his inspection of it. 

your hands can’t help but get a little clammy as you watch as he reads through your answers, analyzing each and every single written word. in the meantime, you’re doing a little analysis of your own, trying to distract your mind from feeling any more nervous than you realistically should. 

your eyes flick from his messy hair, to the beauty mark almost right in the middle of his forehead, then to the soft dusting of red eyeshadow under his eyes. you look at how he runs a finger against the words on the page, too, almost subconsciously, and though you can’t really tell from this angle what he’s doing, you think he’s more so tracing the letters you’ve written than using it as a means to follow along. he almost looks entranced. you don’t know what to expect from xiao, can’t even guess what he’s thinking, and the furrowed eyebrows on his face definitely don’t make you feel any better. 

you sit there, idley, awkwardly, fidgeting for what seemed like more than just a few minutes, before xiao finally speaks up. 

you can barely hear him as he speaks, his words hushed and muffled. "you... need a lot of brushing up on the content, and your answers… lack good explanations and reasoning." he hands you back your work, sending you an almost sympathetic look. "I can see why zhongli believes you need help,” he adds.

it's a lie, of course, but you don't need to know that, not when zhongli had so delicately laid down the groundwork for all of this to happen in the first place. most of your answers were just fine as is, at least from what he lightly skimmed through.

still, he can't help but feel guilty when that look of embarrassment washes over your face.

for some reason you feel yourself get overwhelmed with emotion. you thought that maybe, just maybe, zhongli was simply just messing with you, as was notorious with the man and his teaching methods. but there's a stark sense of embarrassment that comes from xiao reaffirming what zhongli had said, an embarrassment so strong it sends your entire body ablaze with heat. 

you can't help but awkwardly shift in your seat as you nod along to his words despite the way your head almost feels too heavy to lift, avoiding eye contact lest he sees you so embarrassed over something so... silly, a miniscule problem at best, something fixable with a bit of elbow grease and time, and yet it means way more than it should to you.

you've worked so hard in this class already. why aren't you improving?

he doesn’t let you really catch your breath before he speaks again. "I think we'll need a couple more sessions than we discussed earlier," he mumbles, again, as though too ashamed to speak up, flipping through his own textbook, face in his hand as he thinks. "I want to make sure we can get as much content covered as possible before the end of the semester and catch you back up, since you seem to be..." xiao takes a quick glance at you, and for a moment, just a split second, he sees you, sees inside of you, sees every little thing you've been keeping bottled up, your fear. he looks away, breath hitching out of complete and utter guilt. he forces himself to continue though.

"...behind," he finishes, the single word said notably softer than the rest of the sentence.

xiao forces himself to swallow down his guilt. truly, he feels terrible about lying about this, because you clearly seem to be doing just fine on you own and lord knows how much stress this entire ordeal is causing you, but what's the use of being presented and blessed by the gods themselves with such an amazing opportunity if his sinning hands can't take it out of greed? xiao hates it, but he's always been more of a taker than a giver, taking all he can from people and leaving nothing left of them.

the simple pure utter bliss at the thought of spending hours and hours with you, in his room, alone, intimately and in person instead of just being with you through a phone screen, extinguishes any guilt he could possibly feel.

you, on the other hand, do allow yourself to feel guilt, though it's a feeling that has much more innocent roots than what xiao feels. it's a feeling that pokes and stabs at you as you fumble for words to say. you're a much better person than xiao is in that regard. you can't help but to feel ashamed, ashamed that you were doing so terrible at a course that goes directly into your major that you would have to force xiaoー a man renowned for being a lonerー who surely would rather spend his free time by himself and not tutoring someone so out of your realm and element as you are.

maybe it's not too late after all to consider switching majors, you think.

"you seriously don't have to do that, I don't want to take more time from you than I'm already taking. honestly, I think I'm a bit of a lost cause at this point if I can't even do the simpler questions."

the truth is, not even xiao knows how scared you are. fear and dread soars through your body at the thought of ending up in the same spot you were in last year.

xiao lets out a sigh through his nose at your words, a noise that does nothing other than make you feel worse, especially when you can't read his emotions and tell what's going on in that labyrinth of a brain he has. maybe he's realized that you're not worth spending his time. maybe you really are a loss cause. maybe you really should change your major. maybe you should call it quits and drop out. maybe you should move countries, marry a rich doctor or a lawyer and spend the rest of your days as a glorified housespー

xiao doesn't let you finish your thoughts (plans), instead getting up from his chair slowly. "let's take a break." he says, and while you feel a break is a little undeserved after you haven't done much studying, you nod, thinking it might be best to just relax before jumping back into things. "taking things slowly is the better way to do things," you nod, although the words just barely register themselves in your head. you're surprisingly vulnerable with him.

"I'm... going to step out for a moment to get some air. I'll give you some time for yourself to think." you nod, giving him a small and meek thank you, genuinely so utterly grateful for all the time xiao has given you. you can't help yourself from bothering him just once more before he leaves, though.

"xiao?" you don't look up at him, eyes fixated on your answers and what must've been so wrong with them. you hear him hum, beckoning you to continue.

“do you think I'll be able to pass?”

"of course you will," he answers, and it's the first truth he's said all day.

"of course," he mumbles, this time lower, a reminder to himself of how you'd be completely fine on your own, and that he should never, ever take this opportunity for granted.

he makes a promise to himself that he won't.

----- NEW TEXT MESSAGE -----☆

zhongli: hello, [name]. xiao informed me earlier today that you two will be conducting your first study session today. I'm glad you spoke to him about tutoring like I had advised you to. how are things going?

[name]: it's going fine, he mostly just reaffirmed what you already told me though. but he's been really kind about it all, I'm grateful that he agreed to help me out.

zhongli: I see. I hope that he could give you a new perspective on things and aid you in your weak spots. xiao is an amazing student in his own right, and I'm sure that together, you two will make an amazing team. I'm glad you two are getting along.

zhongli: I'd like to give you a little heads up for a future assignment, but there will be a project upcoming where I'll be sure to partner you two up. I'm sure you two will impress me on what you come up with.

zhongli: I believe in you, [name], and I expect good things coming forward.

zhongli: I'm sure that xiao is grateful as well.

[name]: thank you.

[name]: I hope to meet your standards as best as I can.

-----☆

the apartment is even quieter than it was before without xiao.

it's lonely, too.

in a way, you used this little moment to yourself as a justification and way to figure out just what exactly is the enigma that is xiao. now that you're by yourself, you find yourself looking around at his walls, glancing over at one of the two of his cork boards that seems to have a bunch of what looks to be memorabilia of all sorts, stuff like old music concert tickets of local bands you've never heard of, polaroids with some familiar places and even some of his friends, post-it note scribbles of different tasks he has to get done, among other things.

you visualize yourself looking at the corkboard as though it's those ones in those crime movies, where you're using red yarn to connect the pieces of a story together, figuring out with all the clues you have at your disposal who xiao is.

there's other things, too. posters lining the wall and a singular cat shaped plushie on his bed, a wilted bouquet of flowers in a vase on his kitchen countertop meant for decoration, various little knick knacks on his desk, but the part of his room that catches your eye most, though, is his large, expansive bookshelf filled (a little messily) with a variety of different things, almost all of it stuff you actually recognize.

you’re halfway through looking around before you hear the door open back up again. you instinctually freeze, as of you’re a kid who’s been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. you shift your head, locking eyes with him as he steps back inside. to your surprise, he doesn’t look upset, not even annoyed, just intrigued as he watches you awkwardly shuffle away a little from the bookshelves.

you try to apologize with hast. “sorry, I wasn’t trying to snoop or anything, I swear, I was just–“

xiaos quick to interject as he walks right past you over to sit, this time on his bed instead of at his desk. “it’s fine. I don’t mind. you don’t have to apologize.” he crosses his arms once he’s situated in his seat. “do whatever you’d like.” he adds in an attempt to comfort you.

it sounds sarcastic, but you somehow can tell that it’s not. you nod, taking it as (hoping that it’s) permission to keep going. your eyes move over to the other corkboard near the bookshelves, hoping that you’re not stepping over any boundaries by doing so. this board is filled more with many different photos pinned up onto it. there’s all sorts of sites and places, things like concerts or shops or restaurants or nature– the list goes on– with a rare one or two photos with him actually in it. even rarer seemed to be other people that didn’t look like strangers in the background.

you subconsciously speak a thought aloud. “you seem to go out a lot. to really cool places, too.”

the only thing he really says in response is, “all of those aren’t recent.”

you hum in response, eyebrows furrowing a little as you nod in understanding. “oh, I see.” xiao takes it as an opportunity to ask you something even though he knows the answer already. “what about you? do you go out a lot?”

the question takes you a little aback. “I haven’t gotten out a lot recently either.” you try to think about all you’ve done recently, before realizing there’s nothing much to think about at all. you add, in truth, “…you’re honestly the first person I’ve spent time with in a while that wasn’t my roommate, but I don’t think that really counts.”

he cocks his head to the side at that answer, golden eyes staring at you (almost straight through your soul), intrigued. “why haven’t you spent time with anyone else?

a soft pang hits your heart as you think about the reason. the breakup. despite how much time has gone by, you’re still tender about the topic, and would rather not think about everything it’s caused as a result. would rather not think about him, either.

you let out a nervous laugh. “that’s a long story, I guess.” 

xiao seems dissatisfied with that answer. he’s never responded so quickly, without hesitating before.

“I have time.”

you send a look of slight confusion his way. “I thought we were going to study some more today?”

“right…” xiao let’s a lot of dead air slip in whenever he speaks, pausing and hanging onto words as if he’s doing mental calculations to figure out what the right thing to say next. “…in the future, then.”

you nod as your eye continues it’s adventure through the board before another photo catches your attention fully. it’s a pretty photo of a bunch of people standing near the docks, holding up and letting go of lanterns. it looks like, judging from the date scribbled on the bottom of the photo and the contents of the photo itself, the annual lantern rite from a few years back. you remember that day, almost vividly, too. that was your first year at the school. you and venti had gone together that year. it was magical. it seems like xiao really was never too far from you. seriously, you’re surprised you two haven’t talked sooner.

you can’t help but smile as you reminisce on that day. “I remember this exact lantern rite. there was so many people, and the lanterns were so beautiful. they always are.”

you turn around to face him, again. “how long has it been since you’ve gone to the harbor? if I lived as close as you do, I think I’d go to the harbor whenever I have time.”

it takes awhile for xiao to respond, not because he’s thinking of an answer, but because he’s transfixed on your expression right now. you seem so happy that it naturally just pulls on his heart strings. he’s glad you still remember that particular lantern rite, even though he knows you’ve gone to more since then. xiao remembers that day visibly too, but probably (definitely) not for the same you do. he wonders if you remember that part of it deep inside.

“um… since the day of that photo, probably.”

you’re a little taken aback from that answer. xiao lives on the outskirts of the harbor. how could he have not gone back in years? everything you learn about xiao makes you more and more curious as to who he is. “really?” you can’t help but ask. he can’t help but shrug.

you speak without even thinking twice once more. “would you want to go again sometime then?” your eyes dart away from his face. you can’t help but look away before you finish the question, unable to look him in the eye as you clarify, “with me, I mean.” you stumble out the words more confidently than you exprcted. 

he lets out a sigh. “there’s nothing I want from there…” it’s the truth. he hasn’t been very fond of the harbor for what has felt like centuries, especially not the memories he’s tethered to. he can’t help but to regret the accidental roughness of his words, though, when he looks up to see a flash of embarrassment paint across your face. it feels like he picked the wrong answer, but he wants to say the right one, desperately. xiao has never been great at talking, but he’s trying, for you. “but if you’d like… I’d like to go with you.”

you try to hide the way your heart picks up the pace a little at his words. “let’s go soon, then. I can tell you about myself, and you can tell me about you, too.”

he nods, and for a split second you think you’ve gone insane, because you swear, swear, that for a few seconds, the corner of xiao’s lips curve softly into a smile. a smile! smiling at the thought of you two ‘hanging out’ in the future! for all the times you’ve seen xiao, you can maybe only count on one hand how many times you’ve seen him smile. 

“you want to learn about me?” he asks, earnestly, shocked, and it definitely wasn’t a question you were expecting.

“yeah, I mean I've always seen you around. I think we've even been in the same classes before this year, too, and now I’m getting tutored by you  and I still know pretty much nothing about you.” you pause before adding on, “I’d love to learn more. I hope that’s not weird, or anything.”

he shakes his head, the ghost of a smile still etched onto his lips. and if you looked closely (which luckily for him, you weren’t), you’d see the faint dust of blush decorating his cheeks, too. “I don’t have much to tell you, but… that sounds good.”

he feels embarrassed at the fact he can’t control how warm his cheeks feel and how he can’t help but crack a smile at you. he clears his throat, trying to reset himself, suddenly ready to move on, going back to his desk. 

“let’s keep working, I want to make the most out of the time we have together.” he doesn’t look at you as he speaks. you mentally brace yourself for another study session with him.

it’s gonna be a long night.

ーーー NEW MESSAGE ーーー ☆

ven: where have you been?

ven: haven’t seen you all day……….. ):

ven: my flower, the house is so empty without you……….. ))):

ven: are you with somebody? you never tell me these things anymore.

ven: talk to me soon, please.

ーーー ☆

it's late into the night when you're awakened rudely with a few desperate knocks against your bedroom door.

you can't help but groan as you stir awake, upset to be forced out of your dream state, although that irritation is soon replaced with guilt once you realize just why you were being awakened with such urgency in the first place. after whining out a loud, 'come in,' you peak your eyes open to see your best friend standing in your doorway, tears staining his face so much that they're visible even in the darkness.

shit. it's been so long since you've seen venti like this. you thought all of that was over ages ago.

"can I sleep with you tonight?" his voice is shakey yet gentle, filled with fear and something that you can only label as... need, as if he needs you more than he ever has. just his voice alone, paired with the way he looks so in the doorway while he's shivering and fiddling with his pajamas, hair looking almost as distraught as he's feeling, is enough to have you too stunned to speak.

"please?" he adds on when you don't reply immediately.

you nod, scooting over to make room for him as he slowly trudges to your bed like he's done many times before. he's quick to settle in under the covers with you, laying against the plush pillow underneath him. you move closer to him as though it's instinct, an action done out of retained muscle memory from the many nights you've spent doing this exact thing. your eyes, though half lidded and heavy, trace over his face over and over again, noting how his eyes look back at you and you can't help but think that venti is such an expressive person. even if he's so silent right now, his eyes are cloudy and storming, speaking a thousand words with the thunder that rings out within them.

he looks like he's trying to think of what to say, but he doesn't need to say a single thing. you already know why he's here.

his face is contorted in a way that almost showcases utter agony, and it hurts, hurts to see your best friend suffering, especially when the best you can do is guide your hand softly against the smooth the skin of his cheek and brushing away any tears in pity. if nothing else, you truly do hope that, at the very least, your presence can help.

“do you maybe want to talk about it?” you run your hand through his soft, pretty dyed blue locks that seem to almost glow in the moonlight, feeling the light moisture of his skin from his sweat. you’ve forgotten just how easy it always has been to brush your hand through his locks. your voice is gentle and low as if not to startle him, as if not to shatter him more than he already is. “you know you don’t have to, but you can always talk to me if you need to.”

“no, it’s okay... I just want to be with you right now.” his voice is meek as he chooses his words carefully as though they're meticulously chosen to pull at your heartstrings (they do), and he sounds like he’s on the brink of tears once more.

“is it the same dream as before?” you ask, remembering how many nights you've spent with venti just like this when he began getting frequent ‘nightmares’ awhile back, nightmares that till this day you don't know the contents of.

he nods, although hesitantly, as though it’s some sort of secret. and in a way, it is.

he could never, ever, ever tell you that you’re the cause of all of his nightmares after all.

“are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? you look really upset. you've never told me what makes you like this.”

“no, I just want to… I just want to stay like this for a while.”

“okay, ven,” you whisper, soft and quiet, as if your voice could shatter him whole. you pause, thinking of what to say, before you decide that you won’t prode any further, instead bidding him a goodnight. “I love you, venti. get some rest.”

for the first time in maybe months, venti doesn’t tell you he loves you back.

instead he burrows himself as deep as humanly possible, as if being torn away from you would kill him, just like the way his dreams pulled and tugged ruthlessly at his heart strings, shoving images of you with your new 'tutor' down his throat, like they had with him months and months ago.

how cruel is it that he's forced to see you being ripped away from him both in real life and in his dreams?

-----☆

you're half asleep when you feel him mumble into your skin.

"I miss you. I miss this." he whispers, but you can barely hear him. he misses the way you feel, how comforting you smell, how his hands connect with your body like they're puzzle pieces. he misses having all your attention on him like this, so quick to coo and ask if he's okay. everything’s changed from how it used to be.

"what?"

you feel venti's hands slip under your shirt, feeling the warm skin of your back as he slowly trails his hands up and down, basking in the way that you feel. "I miss you, cecilia. especially today." his voice isn't shakey anymore. instead it's much more fluid, as though he never had the night terrors that brought him into your room to begin with. you can't help but frown at his words even in your sleepy state.

"venti..." you mumble out, feeling his hands start to dig themselves into your skin. his grip on your waist is tightー not enough for it to hurt, but just enough that it keeps you from pushing him away if you really wanted to, trapping and suffocating you, bordering the lines of sucking the air out of your lungs.

part of you wishes he wouldn't keep things so bottled up from you, because clearly, your constant 'absence' in his life is hurting him more than you'll ever be able to understand, but the more selfish part of you is shamefully grateful that he is. you love venti, but for a man who constantly champions for freedom, he's always been so dead set on taking away yours.

you know deep down that if you gave venti an inch, he'd take a mile, and you don't have many miles left to give. you could spend twenty-four hours of a day with venti and he would still want you to somehow spend twenty-five on him. as much as you love ventiー truly, you love him more than anything else in the worldー, you know it'd be better if you didn't indulge him as much as you want him to. lord knows how quick venti would be to turn you into a hollow, empty shell of yourself by taking every second you have all for himself if he could.

besides, this whole thing will blow over eventually after the party, right?

right?

"I know that I've already whined and complained about it, but god, I miss you. you were gone for so long today with someone I don't even know… seeing you occasionally here and there isn't enough for me. I..." venti somehow manages to pull his body even closer to you, your chest and his chest plush against each other, so close that you can feel the way it rises as he breathes slowly. "I know I'm selfish, but I need you."

he says the word 'need' as if he'd die without you.

you don't think this is a conversation you two should be having when you're so... out of it, exhausted.

"venti, can we talk about this in the morning?"

his grip slowly loosens. "...okay." he says the word slowly and hesitantly, as if he's a child saying a cuss word for the first time, as if agreeing to put his feelings aside until you're in a much more lucid and conscious state is a sin. "I'm... I'm sorry for bothering you and being so clingy and... I just..." venti swallows thickly. "goodnight," venti mumbles, choosing not to finish his thought.

your eyebrows furrow, something about this whole conversation feeling off to you. never in a million years would venti have been so... upfront, apart from the day he invited you to the party. it's like venti's slowly unraveling like a string, just one little tug away from snapping.

it wouldn't be the first time venti's snapped on you though. you need to mend things and shut off the ticking time bomb before things blow up in your face again, like when you...

like when you...

ugh. you'll think about all of this later when you're actually well-rested and capable of forming cohesive thoughts. you softly mumble out a goodnight to venti as well, praying that the storm will blow off soon enough.

it doesn't, though. the winds only get stronger and louder.

ーーー☆

venti wasn't in your room by the time you woke up. infact, he wasn't in the apartment at all. not in his room, not in the kitchen or in the bathroom getting ready, nowhere. he didn't even leave a text telling you where he went.

you guess that venti needs time to think after last night, and you decide that it's probably for the best.

you'll see him again later anyways.

ーーー☆

it's cold out today, october's chill punishing you for wearing too light of a sweater for the weather, but the freezing temperature of the classroom during today's lecture isn't the cause of the way you squirm in your seat out of discomfort. no, you have professor zhongli to take credit for that.

you're convinced that zhongli gets a kick out of giving you borderline heart attacks.

honestly, that isn't exactly far from the truth. there's something about the way your eyes flicker in complete, utter fear just by him saying, "[name], may you please see me after class? there's something I'd like to discuss with you," that sends shivers down his spine, as egregious as that may sound. it's a shameful feeling for a professor to have, but at least he has much more innocent intentions this time as opposed to the last time he's asked you to stay behind.

the request was given to you right at the start of class (which you were actually on time to, thank god) before he began with his lecture. and once again, you couldn't help but think about just what exactly zhongli wanted to discuss with you throughout the entire lecture, almost too busy coming up with theories to focus. all you can think is, did you do something wrong again? was the assignment you turned in last night bad? all that studying you did with xiao couldn’t have been for nothing, right? you're going to fail the semester at this rate.

you wish zhongli was more dead set on helping you pass like last year than assuring that you failed.

you can’t help but call back to that time. you had been much worse off back then. you were visibly behind everyone else, but it hadn't started that way. so much was happening back then. and that breakup, oh that fucking break up, really made focusing on your school work beyond difficult. you truly did put up a fight, tried to make sure you stayed afloat, and it did work at first. but your responsibilities drowned you completely, and you never really learned how to swim.

it was a rough semester, and one of your classes had been taught by the very same man taking great pleasure in ruining you today. your one saving grace? once again, the very same man, who had seemed to take enough pity onto you that he took matters into his own hands to make sure you did well.

you stood out back then, not because you shone bright, but because you didn't shine at all.

zhongli wanted to light that fire back in you that you had at the start of the year. and he had.

zhongli had took you under his wing, struck you with passion and drive, made you fall in love all over again with the topic you were studying through his ramblings and stories and sheer utter knowledge; he revitalized you, filled a hole. he had kept you after class and in his office on weekends, making time to make sure that you succeeded and through his gentle nurturing that was the hot to his own cold. you had succeeded, to your surprise. and he had looked after you ever since.

it was silly for you to believe that he would grace you with the same mercy this course.

but things are different now. so much more different. you were grateful back then for him striving to push you to do better, but now it's overwhelming. back then, his standards were achievableー finish your assignments on time as often as you could, study a little when you can, at least attempt to attend every class you had. it was doable. but now, now you're almost convinced he wants you to become borderline perfectー no, perfect is an understatement. he wants you to be better than perfect.

perfect, and vulnerable.

back then it felt as though he was trying to help you but now, the back of your mind can't help but tell you that he's always been helping himself, benefiting himself, not you.

it was at the start of this school year that you let yourself fall right into the dragon's lair.

either way, maybe it's the fact that your mind was so occupied, or maybe time simply just decided to speed up, but the class flew by in no time. you had practically tuned out all of zhongli's ramblings and teachings today. you watched zhongli dismiss the class, staying seated despite the way everyone else shuffled out of the door as quickly as possible. once again, it was just you and zhongli in the empty room.

fuck.

zhongli walks to the front of your desk, running a hand through his hair before letting out a long sigh, and you never knew how such a little harmless action could strike so much fear into your heart. could you just combust already? you're not at all ready for whatever zhongli has to say.

"what a long class we had today, hm? I hope I didn't bore you too much. you looked particularly distracted." zhongli says, smiling gently at you as he attempts to brighten the gloomy mood you're clearly in. "luckily, though, I've been excited to talk to you all class. you truly were my saving grace today."

is this some kind of sick joke? you were kidding when you thought zhongli must get pleasure out of your failure, but you might actually be right.

gross.

"don't worry, though, I didn't keep you after class just to complain. I'll get to the point, since I know you hate pointless chatter."

"I know it's far too early to say this, but I'm proud of you, [name]."

that caring nature still shines through, the strict professor he's supposed to be eroded and washed away by time itself.

your eyebrows furrow. "what?" you can’t help but let the word slip out of your mouth in the midst of your confusion.

"the assignment you gave in last night, truly one of your best works this semester. you never fail to amaze me with how fast you manage to make a turnaround when you put your mind to it, [name]."

the assignment? the one you worked on last night at the last second despite having over a week to do it after studying with xiao that you had to keep your eyes pried open to complete? the one xiao had borderline picked apart a dozen times as though trying to break you down even more? that assignment?

what?

"but I... what? if it was any good, it's likely only because xiao was there to help me." you mumble, unsure of your words.

"so? are you really diminishing your accomplishments just because you got a little aid?" zhongli plants a hand on your cheek like he has a dozen times in the past before guiding your face to look up at him. "or are you trying to say that it was xiao who had done your assignment, not you?"

"o-of course he didn't, but-" zhongli is quick to shush you, pressing a gloved thumb against your lips with a soft smile.

"shh. you did well, and that's final. I hope this pattern continues. you know I want nothing but the best for you after seeing what you can achieve." his gloved hand caresses your cheek and you're convinced he can feel the heat your face is producing out of embarrassment even through the layer of fabric. "my little star, you're doing well again." he adds quietly, so quietly that you can just barely make it out, though the nickname is far less shocking than the praise that your brain is still trying to make sense of.

"before I let you go, I just wanted to reiterate that should you ever need my assistance with anythingー and I mean anything at all, whether it's related to your academics or notー know that I am and always will be here."

"I... thank you." it's the only words you can come up with as zhongli leaves you alone with your thoughts. "thank you," you repeat, speaking the words much more quietly. in a hushed whisper.

in the back of your mind, you realize that you should be thinking about how odd it is for zhongli to suddenly be so sugary sweet, how he's touched you so much more intimately than a professor should, how his little nickname for you is weird at best, and yet all you can think about is how he's proud of you.

for some reason, that's all that really matters to you in the moment. you can think about... all that other stuff, later.

ーーー☆

it's almost pitch dark out by the time you finally get home. 

"I'm home!" you shout out as soon as you step through the front door, voice a little breathy after having to climb up a few flights of stairs to get up to your apartment, alerting venti that you've arrived in a way akin to how married couples do. you're quick to lock the door behind you, stripping yourself of your shoes that feel more like weights before placing them in the shoe rack near the door and putting your heavy bag down next to venti's violin case, deciding you'll bother with getting whatever you need out of there when you feel like it. you wince a little at the cold tiles of the floor underneath your feet.

maybe one day you'll move into a place with an actual heater, you think.

"I'll be there in just a second!" venti's voice rings out from what you assume is the bathroom down the hall, likely showering given the pitter-pattering sound of running water. you nod, as though responding to him despite the fact he can't see you, flicking on the light switch to the kitchen as you do so. the kitchen table immediately grabs your attention with how different it looks compared to how you left it this morning. two orange pumpkins sit at the center, and alongside it lays an unopened package of carving tools and another package of tea lights, a brown bag filled with what looks to be some house decor and knick knacks (venti truly does love trying to make your run-down apartment as much of a true home as possible), and a bag of groceries yet to be put away.

you sit down at the medium sized wooden table, allowing yourself to rest and bask in the day as you look through everything infront of you. it's been awhile since you've just sat in silence and thought, and even longer since you let yourself really live in this home without just heading straight to your room. your nails drill against the table, pushing one of the two pumpkins closer to you with a soft hum. you trace a finger against it, imaginging what'd you want to carve on it and how it'd glow after you put a candle inside.

this year you should do something new, get a little more fancier with the design that you have in the previous years that you craved a pumpkin. maybe you and venti will carve matching jack-o-laterns this year. you can't help but smile at the thought.

"they're cute, aren't they?"

you tense up when you feel a hand on your shoulder, but you instantly relax when you turn your head to see venti. you guess you were so lost in thought you hadn't heard him come out of the bathroom. you drink in his presence, giving him a glance over out of instinct. the smell of his apple-cinnamon bodywash assault your senses in an oddly comforting way, a scent that makes you feel right at home. he's in a pair pajamas and cute bunny slippers, and his hair is clipped up in a pretty half up, half down ponytail. the blue dyed tips of his hair are losing their signature color (which is odd, considering that despite his inherit laziness, venti's always been one to make sure those tips stay bright blue at all costs) and his skin looks a little damp.

a gummy smile paints his face, and he has a bit of a playful glint in his eye, but he looks notably tired, and a sense of worry pings at your heart at the sight. you were the roommate notorious for having bags under your eyes afterall, not him, so to see him look so exhausted, especially when venti's always been one for getting his 'beauty sleep,' tells you that venti internally isn't feeling his best. it sounds shallow, judging someone's mental health based on their appearance, but you know venti like the back of your hand, and you know that something's wrong.

even moreso, you know exactly what that wrong thing is, given last night's conversation.

"I got them at the grocery store today. thought it might be fun to carve them together before they go bad. that is, if you want to grace me with your undivided time and attention, of course." venti pretends he's joking, but you know deep down he means the sentiment of wanting you to give him your time for once, and you honestly feel awful at his words. nonetheless, you suck it up, smiling up at him. it's a genuine smile.

"why wouldn't I? it is tradition after all. I'm going to make mine extra scary this year."

venti laughs at your words, his heart internally flutter at the thought of how determined your face would look as you try to create the spookiest jack-o-latern he's ever seen. he leans down, pressing a soft, platonic peck to your forehead, finally giving you a welcome home.

"you're home later than usual again, everything go okay?"

you can't help but notice that venti is acting as if he had never said what he said last night, though the air between you is still awkward and tense, and his face does little to hide the fact that deep down, he's still quelling on the things he spoke about. nonetheless, you decide that that conversation is to be had when venti wants it to happen, knowing full well from years of being his best friend that venti prefers keeping a lighter mood at all costs, so you leave things at that until he's ready to speak about it again.

"yeah, I just thought that I'd try to get some work done while I could at campus," you answer, watching as he nods slowly at your words. you can tell he's fighting back the urge to interrogate you, to ask you if you were with anybody and if you really needed to stay at campus, and anything else he can use as a way to rationalize the fact that he's so clingy. he looks around the room, thinking about what else he could say to make sure the conversation doesn't end prematurely.

"oh! I ordered some takeout a bit before you came home. it's still hot, if you want to eat."

you nod, thanking him, and you can tell he's trying to read you, to figure out just how exactly he can stay with you longer without him bringing up anything you two talked about last night. he stands there, presence lingering as though he has something to say, and yet he chooses not to say whatever's on his mind, instead preferring to pick up the unopened bottle of dandelion wine on the nearby kitchen counter.

"you seem all set. I'll get going now, then. I have an urgent date with a bottle of wine that I can't miss for the world." venti moves quickly to leave as though trying to make sure you don't see through to him, turning his back to you without another word, but he doesn't get too far before he's freezing up at your words.

"you're not gonna stay and chat?" you say instinctively, a little surprised by the fact he was so quick to come and go today. you don't know what it is about today, but the thought of venti forcing himself to go when he clearly doesn't want to pains you. maybe it was last night's conversation, or maybe it's how venti radiates warmth that fights against the biting cold that nips at your skin, or maybe you just miss venti, but you want him here with you.

venti turns around slowly, his voice low as he speaks. "oh..." he starts off, "I thought you would've wanted to eat alone like all the other nights," you almost let out a wince at his words. how long has it really been since you last simply hung out with venti? "do you... want me to stay?" you let out a gentle hum.

"I want you here tonight. I want to talk to you."

"about what?"

you think about everything you'd want to tell venti, and you realize that that's exactly it; you want to tell him everything and anything you can. you want to tell him about your new tutor who turned out to be a lot less scary than you were expecting him to be, or that new coffee shop a friend had told you about that opened up near by that you'd love to tell him about, or how zhongli was actually kind to you today. but you also want venti to tell you everything too, about any escapades he's had recently while drunk or new songs he's written, or even how his classes are going and if he's thinking of going to any other parties soon.

you realize that, as much as you'd hate to admit it to yourself, you miss just being with venti a lot too.

"everything," you finally reply after thinking, grinning up at his hesitant form.

"everything? really? this isn't a ploy to tell me horrific news or to try to get out of going to that party, is it?"

"no, I promise. I'm honestly a bit offended you'd think I'd ever be so cruel as to try to get out of going to such an amazing party," you joke.

venti playfully rolls his eyes at your words, but he can't help the smile that creeps up his face. his smile is bright like a star, warm enough for a planet to survive off of, eyelids crinkling at the corners of his eyes as he puts the bottle in his hand down befofe he pulls up one of the kitchen chairs, the legs screeching against the floor so that he's sitting infront of you. he leans in close to you as though you were about to tell him the greatest story known to man. you can't help but feel warm and fuzzy inside. venti's smile, his real and genuine smile, gives you a feeling like no other. it makes you feel whole, like none of your problems neither exist nor matter and that everything in this world is perfect.

"okay then, dove, tell me everything."

ーーー NEW TEXT MESSAGE ーーー☆

alatus: can you believe it's almost sunday already?

[name]: holy shit, time is going by so fast

[name]: I'm so excited to meet you in person

alatus: I'm excited too.

[name]: I can't believe I've known you for over a year and I'm only going to get to see your face now

[name]: I swear, if you're just some creep...

alatus: I promise I'm not.

alatus: well, maybe.

[name]: ha ha, very funny.

[name]: but seriously, it honestly feels like I've known you for forever.

alatus: maybe you have and you just never noticed

#tw stalking #tw age gap #tw possession #tw student teacher relationship #tw yandere #tw manipulation #yandere xiao x reader #yandere venti x reader #yandere zhongli x reader #yandere Genshin impact x reader

[astraljedi]

Bewitched (Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw)

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x OC

Author's note: This is a re-upload of an old fic/idea I posted months ago and rewrote. If you have any requests for anyone in the dagger squad, request are always open! Also, this is pure fiction, this isn't going to be 100% accurate and it's just for fun. Enjoy!

This is basically an enemies to lovers fic. It will contain a lot of smut, angst, mention of death, and spoilers for the Top Gun movies.

Warnings: Just some cursing and fighting. Spoilers for both movies.

Many people knew who Sadie was and the well-known family name she carried. When Sadie was a child, she was her dad's little shadow. Tom always had a feeling that Sadie would follow in his footsteps just by the way her face would light up every time they arrived at the base. How she always paid attention to him when he explained anything about the planes and the power they carried.

And on the weekends, after Sadie had all her homework done, her parents would let her join her Godfather, Pete, to work on his project plane. In the end, if the hard work paid off, Pete would take her on a quick little joy ride while the sun sat. Sadie cherished those moments with Maverick, he wasn't able to be with her every weekend working on the planes because of work, but when he had the chance, he wouldn't hesitate to let Tom know he would stop by to pick her up. 

Even though most people knew Sadie from her father and her close relationship with Pete, she built her current reputation by herself.

Sadie was determined, carefree, and maybe too charismatic. She was the type who would make anyone feel welcome and part of a team. She wasn't all about letting someone feel left out of the group. And everyone loved her; it was impossible not to. But, like her godfather, Sadie could be reckless, and, Sadie always craved the need for adrenaline. 

When Sadie got called in for TOPGUN, she wasn't surprised. She knew the type of pilot she was and that her hard work was paying off. The little girl who always hid behind her father's figure would've been jumping in excitement like a lunatic. She wanted to make that little girl proud. 

"I'm going to TOPGUN," Sadie announced to Pete suddenly while at his garage one Saturday morning. Maverick was visiting for a few days before he had to leave again for a mission to Iraq. But she needed to see him and deliver the news in person before leaving later that day. Maverick's eyes widen, immediately pulling her into a hug. "I hope you and dad could be there for my graduation."

"Me too, kiddo."

On Monday, Sadie arrived, and there were a few people with their claimed seats chatting away in different groups. "That's Iceman's daughter over there." Sadie turned her head to see a dark-haired woman pointing her out to the two other guys in the group.

"I heard a rumor from someone that she broke into the control tower after hours and threw a graduation party after the ceremony." One of the boys mentioned. 

"C'mon, Coyote. Do you believe those stupid rumors?" The woman spoke again, chuckling at Coyote. "But, if it's true and I had her last name, I would've done the same or worse." 

"I also heard some captains and other lieutenants are placing bets on who will end up top of the class," Coyote began. "You think you can beat Iceman's daughter, Hangman?" Coyote said, mocking Hangman.

"Oh, please." Hangman scoffed. "We all know she's here because who's going to turn away Iceman's daughter?" 

"I'm here because of the same reason all you are. I'm a damn good pilot." Sadie interrupted, standing in front of Hangman. "It's okay to admit you're intimidated, but that doesn't mean I'll go easy on you." 

Hangman chuckled, causing the little wooden toothpick between his lips to fidget. "I like you already," Hangman announced, patting Sadie's petite shoulder before grabbing a seat on the table next to her. "Let's see if that ego stands a chance up in the air." 

"Hi, I'm Phoenix, by the way." The black-haired woman introduced herself, extending her palm to Sadie's. Phoenix completely ignoring Hangman's last comment about Sadie. 

"I'm Hex, and you must be Coyote." Sadie chuckled at Coyote.

"Why do they call you Hex?" Coyote asked timidly, grabbing a seat next to Hagman.

"You'll find that out later," Sadie smirked. Phoenix patted the empty chair, gesturing to Sadie to sit down right next to her.

 “It’s nice having another woman here, too much testosterone in one place”. Sadie looked around the class full of unfamiliar faces, except one. She recognized that face from a picture Maverick had framed in the garage of Bradley’s graduation from the Naval Academy. Her dad mentioned something about his relationship with Maverick, but she never had the whole story. She did ask Maverick once about him, curious why he had Bradley's picture in his garage but never talked about him. Maverick gave her a vague answer, but she didn't push more on the topic once she saw his eyes flooded with tears. 

“That’s Rooster over there, he’s tense but he’s one of the good ones,” Phoenix whispered, noticing Sadie’s staring. “You’ll like him.” 

Rooster looked up from his hands, a bit nervous, only to meet Sadie’s stare. Embarrassed about getting caught, she turned her attention to the front of the class to the empty podium. “I’m not sure about that,” Sadie muttered to herself as the class was ordered to stand. 

After the little introduction from their instructor, the teams headed out to grab the rest of their gear and head out to their planes. The first day was nothing but relaxing. Phoenix and Hex were paired in the same group against Hangman for the first round of dog fighting. But with no surprise, Phoenix and Hex managed to take down Hangman's plane and his ego with it. "Oh, I like flying with you, Hex," Phoenix confessed once they were on land again. 

"Hex, you'll be the target this time against Rooster and Hangman after the next team lands." The instructor informed Sadie, looking up from his clipboard. Hex nodded, heading back to her plane. 

"Give 'em' hell, Hex!" Phoenix shouted at her before Sadie made it back to her F18. 

Up in the air, Hangman and Rooster were bickering, Hangman teasing him about his call sign and whatnot. "Hangman, do you see her?" Rooster asked, trying to change the subject while looking around for the target. 

"Is she even here?" Hangman groaned impatiently. He was still bitter from the previous round.

"Been here the whole time, boys." Hex chuckled as her plane flew up vertically between the two planes. A little trick she picked up from Maverick.

"Jesus!" Rooster shrieked, not expecting her to come from below them. 

"Are you guys done gossiping? or do you need a little more time before I take both of you down?" Hex gloated, disappearing from their sight again. Hex lays low and far from them. Hex preferred to stay low on her target; she liked to sneak up on them. Especially when they only looked up and to their sides. 

"Gloating doesn't look good on you, sweetheart," Hangman replied, signaling something to Rooster. "How about a bet? Whoever loses, buys the winner's drinks for the whole night." 

"It's a deal, blondie," Hex didn't hesitate at the chance of a good bet. Increasing her speed, Hex flew away above the pilots, catching them off guard again. "You just made a deal with the devil." 

Hangman increased his height and speed, leaving Rooster behind without a word. And that was Hangman, who never knew how to work as a team. Rooster increased his speed, following Hangman but staying below him. "Hangman, she's on your nose." Rooster was a team player; he liked playing it safe and sticking to the rules. And now, he was stuck with the most competitive duo on the air. 

"Oh, I see her," Hangman smirked, his fingertips leveling the lock on her plane. "I don't drink the cheap beer, by the way," Hangman said, a bit too cocky. When Hangman was about to lock, Hex increased her speed and lowered altitude just enough to pass underneath Hangman's plane by the hair, leaving his aircraft shaking unexpectedly. Hangman cursed loudly, losing his focus from the turbulence. Hangman cursed under his breath, ascending the plane, and leaving Rooster behind. 

Before Rooster could react, he lost her from his sight once again. Rooster looked down; all he saw was the blurry terrain underneath them. It was a bit too quiet. Hex tried to maintain the same speed as Rooster, camouflaging herself upside down from his plane. "Rooster, I think you should do a little maintenance underneath your plane." Hex chuckled, Rooster's eyes darting back down. Hex flew from underneath him and switched to the top of his plane, upside down still. "Bye, Rooster." Hex waved at him. Rooster glared at her, his cheeks turning red from the growing anger, recognizing the little trick she was pulling off.

Rooster was about to increase his altitude, but Hex swooshed underneath him twice. Hex spun around his plane, putting him in a trance. After the third spin, she pulled the brakes, jerking her plane right behind him while he was still looking for her underneath him. Hex centered the target on Rooster's plane and locked it successfully on him. "And that's a hit." 

"Fuck!" Rooster cursed loudly, hitting the cockpit's glass. 

Hex couldn't help but smirk; she got under his skin. But, she didn't forget about Hangman, how he completely flew away and left his wingman alone. Leaving Rooster with his loss, Hex increased her altitude again and searched for the remaining aviator. 

"Rooster, do you have a sighting of Hex?" Hangman asked through the com but was met with silence instead. "Rooster?" He called again while Hex successfully slipped underneath his plane as she did with Rooster. 

"He's dead, Hangman." Hex said, switching her plane right side up. Hangman didn't even have a clue she was so close to him. Hex mocked him. The plan was going smoothly, and Hangman didn't suspect a thing. 

Hex spun around his plane twice the same way she did with Rooster. Hangman pulled the brakes as she aligned her plane to his nose before she dipped underneath him swiftly and settled behind him. The dial tone from the lock blared like crazy through Hangman's plane and the radio back at the base while he was in a complete daze about what had happened. He didn't even have a moment to react to her maneuvers. "By the way, I don’t drink cheap beer, Hangman."

After landing back at base, everyone else was already changing from their gear into their casual clothing to head out for the afternoon. Some were tired, but others were ready to head out to the bar after a long day. Especially Hex, she was craving those beers Hangman owed her. 

Surrounding the pool table at The Hard Deck, Hangman handed Hex a second beer while the group chatted about Hex's trick during the exercise. "So that's why they call you Hex," Coyote announced before taking a sip of his beer.

"It's like getting them under a spell, bewitched," Hex added, taking a sip from her beer, which tasted like a sweet victory. Sadie looked around the bar searching for Rooster and spotted him on the porch that led to the beach behind the bar. "I'll be right back." 

Phoenix and Coyote watched her walk outside where Rooster was moping around the patio outside. "Was it just me that sensed tension between those two earlier?" Coyote speculated, looking at Phoenix. 

"I sensed it, but I didn't want to say anything," Phoenix confirmed his suspicions as they watched Rooster and Hex’s interaction from inside the bar.

"Hey, are you okay?" Hex asked, her palms gripping the neck of the beer bottle. 

Rooster gulped down his beer and didn't turn around to look at her. "I'm fine," Rooster stated dryly towards her. 

"Why are you mad?" Sadie probed, stepping in front of him to catch his eyes. His tall figure shadowed her, hiding from the curious eyes of her new pilot friends in the bar. His eyes were blank, lost and he didn’t dare to look at her. He kept his eyes glued to the waves behind her. "Rooster, please." 

"I don't like you, and I don't want to get to know you. Can you get that through your brain?" Rooster snapped, slamming his beer bottle to the wooden table at his right. "You are a dangerous pilot! Eventually, you'll get someone killed with your stupid tricks."

"What is wrong with you?" Hex raised her voice, pushing her index finger to his hard chest. "I came out here because I truly wanted to be friends, especially if we're going to be here for the next nine weeks in training," Hex added, pushing him again. "You can mope around and play the victim or grow a pair of balls and act like a decent person because newsflash, buddy, you're going to see and hear about me for the rest of your life,"

Rooster was stunned as he watched her walk back inside the bar. “He’s such an ass.” Sadie cursed, taking a sip from her beer as the group of pilots stared at her confused. 

“I can handle nine weeks”, he tried to convince himself. Rooster hoped he didn't have to see her again. She acted so much like Maverick; she needed to be reckless and always have the last word, like him. 

For the following weeks, Hex avoided Rooster around the base and at the bar. She didn't even look at him, but he looked at her the whole time. Her presence pissed him off. He worked hard to get where he was, even when Maverick backtracked his career for about four years by pulling his papers. And she, the one who had everything handed to her, also had to have TOPGUN. 

Needless to say, the following weeks were going to be long for the whole team. 

There wasn't a doubt that Sadie would end up being top of her graduating class at TOPGUN with her astounding skills. She wanted her father and Maverick to be proud of her, but without them, she wouldn't have found her true calling. Also, she wanted to see Hangman's face when they announced her name instead of his. 

Unfortunately, Maverick was still deployed and couldn't make it to her grad ceremony, but he managed to deliver some flowers back to her parent's house. But deep down, she knew it wasn't the best for Maverick to be present, especially with Rooster graduating third in his class. Or would have it been better? 

#Bradley Rooster Bradshaw Imagines #Bradley Rooster Bradshaw Fics #Bradley Rooster Bradshaw fanfiction #Rooster Bradshaw x reader #Rooster bradshaw x Female Reader #Rooster Bradshaw x female OC #Rooster Bradshaw x oc #Top Gun Imagines #Top Gun Fics #Bradley Bradshaw fic #Rooster Bradshaw fic #Rooster top gun #Bradley Bradshaw imagines

[twstunes]

I am OBSESSED with your colored in manga pages!!! They’re beautiful I can’t stop thinking about them, how do you do your TWST page edits??? I’m really wanting to color the chapters too! It looks so fun!

I downloaded the pages (of chp1) straight from where I read them, and edited over (im using krita! Maybe photoshop would be better??) but I can’t seem to make them look the way I want them to. The line quality is nowhere near yours, yours looks so professional! I hope I’m not stepping on your toes by asking but I feel like I’m missing something 😭 would you mind explaining where/how you download the pages with such high quality? Do you turn them transparent like coloring books or edit overtop of them? I hope this ask isn’t too much!!

XOXOXOXO I hope you’re doing well!! You’re easily one of my fav twst blogs!

kicking my feet and giggling,,,,,, I hope you're doing well too!! you're not stepping on my toes at all, don't worry!

The pages I've been using for color edits are from turtlesoupscans' uploads – they're a scanlation group focused on TWST, and currently have stuff up for the manga (both the main story + anthology comic) as well as translations for the official novel. To my understanding, their scans ARE okay to use for color edits, but not for re-translations or mass-reuploads.

I do all my edits in photoshop using a lot of multiply & lighten layers! The coloring book method u mentioned is so enticing yet so traitorous…in photoshop, the selection + erasing method tends to damage the lineart, and the inverted channel method for removing white backgrounds quickly will keep a 'film' if the background isn't pure #ffffff. (Maybe krita has a more effective solution? 👀)

(Also bc I brought up using photoshop I'm ethically obligated to mention that photopea, an online equivalent to photoshop, exists and is free to use)

I've never used krita before, but from what I'm seeing of its layout/capabilities, the process I use should translate over fairly well–

(Added a black bg to the "fill" portion to make it easier to see)

First come the "fill" layers, which are for covering up halftones & similar shading techniques. This step isn't super necessary (and sometimes involves a lot more editing to replicate halftone gradients/patterns), but I heavily recommend it for scenes that involve a lot of dark colors. Leaving halftones in can cause colors to look darker & grayer than they should, the latter of which you specifically want to avoid when making color edits of darker-skinned characters. (They can also be really good for conveying texture tho, which is why I left the statues' shading alone in this example.)

Next are the color layers, where the bulk of the editing happens. As I mentioned above, I use a ton of multiply layers for this so I can just draw over the image. Darken layers also work, but I've found they tend to affect line density & smoothness. The shading and highlighting here is done using masking layers for individual objects/structures – I think quick group + choosing inherit alpha for the mask layer is the krita equivalent? Layers for darkening the overall lighting (like for nighttime scenes) would also go in this section.

Finally, the lighten layers are solely for the lineart. This is to help "soften" the the lineart, so to speak, making the scene feel a little more 3D/fleshed-out. This step is especially important when dealing with hard shadows, like on the Dark Mirror's frame, Pomefiore's windows, and Ignihyde's central pillar-thing. What I do is put down a bunch of lighten layers, typically at 50% or 75% opacity, and color-pick the darkest part of whatever feature I'm editing the lineart for. Because I'm using a darker color, the surrounding multiply layers will usually go unaffected by the lighten layers – if not, I just gotta zoom in and be careful about it. These layers need to be on top of/closer to the 'front' than the color layers, or else the multiply effect of the color layers will apply to the lighten layers as well.

Thanks for bearing with my kinda long-winded explanation! I've been learning as I go, so there might be easier/better ways of doing things that I haven't stumbled across yet.

I hope this helps & that you have fun doing color edits!!

#ask #anonymous #twst #twisted wonderland #twst manga #manga editing #color editing #twstuned edits #sorry for the delay on answering btw i was rereading it 20+ times to make sure i didn't forget anything fgjhgfjh

[gayerthanevertbh]

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞 - 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞. [re-upload]

pairings: natasha romanoff x fem!reader

summary: a married woman who’s going through a divorce is linked to a broken girl who wants to incline what she truly wants. a night of fulfilling each other’s needs wouldn’t harm a thing, right?

warnings: smut (for most part), dirty talking, slight argument, and more.

author’s note: yes i re-uploaded this again, i’m so sorry it wasn’t showing up on any tags. i do hope you can reblog this and share your thoughts once you’re done reading! <3

I swore to myself that I was going to quit the job of selling myself to the people who could monopolize me. At first, it seemed to be fine in my case. I took control and would always take control, especially when I'm about to get uncomfortable in the situation. But lately, men control me instead of me. The reason for that is because of the money, how much we love it. I was kicked out of my house at a very young age, literally when I turned eighteen years old. I did my best to apply for jobs that could offer just a tiny amount of money and the more that I worked, the more that I needed the money.

Dirty whore, dirty woman.

Dirty whore, dirty woman.

Dirty whore, dirty woman.

"Y/N?" I opened the door to see Michelle looking at me with worried eyes. She touched my arm and squeezed it, affirming me if I was alright. "You've been there for too long. Did something happen?"

I shake my head, "No. I just had to take a breather."

Michelle was the first person I became friends with when I got into the community. She offered me a place to stay, well with her. I'd always tell her that it wasn't needed but Michelle would dismiss me and say that she needed a roommate anyway. We became friends since then.

She was kind and very generous. Whenever I had finished my time with a man, Michelle was there to comfort me, feed me, and take care of me. She was basically my girlfriend at some point, but I had no romantic feelings for her.

"Okay," she muttered, smiling tightly because that's all she could possibly offer. Michelle gave me the tightest hug and added, "Take care of yourself. I'll see you at home."

I stayed for a few more hours at the club, seducing men into the back so I could give them what they wanted. Wasn't that the point? In the end, I received a good amount of money and decided that I should get a piece of nice furniture for the house – since I'm living at Michelle's place. When it was around 12'oclock in the morning, I finally grabbed my bag and walked out of the building; alone.

My workplace wasn't far from the house, it usually takes fifteen minutes to get to my destination. Sometimes twenty if I was walking too slow – I guess I can say it was a little farther than I thought it would be. But, there's this shortcut that I usually don't take. It was a little too dark since there were no street lights; I was a wuss. But, feeling a little challenged, I decided to take that route and walked right.

As expected, it was shorter and I was pleased. Although it was a little frightening since it was way too dark for my liking. I could feel my legs trembling from each step I take, my throat getting a little dry up from the cold mystic air. I had my arms wrapped around myself, not knowing what to do with them. And just as I was about to leave a route, there was a black SUV that was going towards me – making me turn and squint my eyes at the person who was driving.

The window shield rolled down, and I was presented by a redhead who looked a little older than me. In fact, she looked a little tired. I smiled – kindly – at her and asked, "Is there something wrong?"

The woman replied, "Are you... Are you alone?"

Wasn't it obvious? I nodded.

She turned to her left and bit her lip, making me feel a little nervous about her action. Anyone who bites their lip makes me nervous, extremely nervous. I was about to walk away until she hollered, "Wait! I'm sorry, please come back. I just want to ask you something."

I turned again and looked at her with slight seriousness that was flashing through my eyes. She pulls the lever of her car and grips her steering wheel hard, figuring out the words she's about to say out of her mouth. It took a while, maybe a minute or two, until she asked: "Are you okay with the idea of having sex with me? I'll pay."

She was blunt, I don't know if I liked it. But, she seemed so genuine and nice about it too. Or maybe, that's how I think about everyone. They're all genuine and nice. Is this the way of her going to use me like a puppet? After all, I was a toy to doll with. I also do think it was my appearance too, my harsh makeup says it all. Looking at her deeply with such questionable eyes, I realize how utterly beautiful the woman was. She looked harmless but very intimidating. Does that make sense?

"How do I know that you won't rape me?" I asked with a shuddering breath.

"I'm not going to do that," she responded but with a softer tone, her body relaxing a bit. "That's why I'm asking. But hey, if you don't want to that's alright."

I think I have stood there for a fat minute, staring at her with blissful eyes. She was beautiful, so so beautiful. I could rant about this to Michelle for so long but, she won't possibly be anything to me by the end of the day. She's a mystery, a slick woman. I felt safe within her presence like no man was ever going to hurt me. It would hurt to say no, and I want to do it with her.

I responded with a small smile, "Okay, where will we go?"

At this point, I should feel threatened by her – especially with the choice of location. We were on a lonely road, where the forest surrounded us. It was almost pitch black, I could barely see anything except maybe the sky. She pulled the breaks and sighed, rather too deeply, and looked at me with wandering eyes. I could feel immense anxiousness, yet a great thrill. I spoke, "What do you want us to do?"

With such boldness inside of her, she responded: "I want to fuck you but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. So, if you have any questions please do ask."

I do have questions, maybe not a lot. But there's this one question that has been bugging my head. I couldn't help but rammed out, "Why didn't you go to a building instead?"

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously, her eyebrows scrunched for emphasis.

"Like," I gulped, trying not to stammer my words. "...Are you just finding people to fuck in the middle of the night? I mean, it's pretty sketched up honestly."

She had to let out a small laugh at my statement, she shakes her head and bows her head a little. She whispered, "I wasn't even planning to. But, you looked really nice. I had to take my chances."

"By fucking me?" God, I need to shut up.

"You could say that," my, she was very blunt. In fact, the bluntest person that I've ever interacted with. "But, I'm a jerk for that. We don't have to do this if you want to, we could just... talk. You see, I'm going through a divorce and I just need some relief."

Never once has a person given me an option like this. Not once. And I felt incredibly different from it. I could feel my heart thumping loudly through my eyes, my body stiffened with her presence. I was stunned, baffled, and felt admired. No man would admire me, I was used.

I wanted to have sex with her, I wanted to roar it out. God, how insatiable I was.

And did she say divorce? Oh, this was a heavily bad idea. It was going to be a rebound. But why would she care? We don't know each other, we never had a connection – or maybe I was wrong. We do have a connection. My stupidity takes over me and swerves all around my body. I hate myself for thinking like that.

"I want you to fuck me."

She turns yet again, with lifted eyebrows and a soft gasp. It's like she couldn't believe it, she was shocked as I was. Then, she responded: "Are you sure?"

I was even more sure of my own future. I wanted to feel bold as she was, I wanted that. I nodded desperately and whispered close enough for her to hear, "You can do anything you want to me."

She groaned with a stutter, biting her lower lip so hard as to contain her animalistic mind that could be bewildered any sooner. She looked deep into me, her eyes spoke with fire and intensity, I almost wanted her to unleash it. Maybe not almost, it's a very much-needed want. Without even thinking, she pulled me in with a sloppy kiss, I granted her in.

"The name's Natasha," she speaks while licking my chin all the way to my upper lip with such hunger. "You'll be screaming it when I fuck you so hard."

We were finally in the backseat, our kissing intensifies as the windows began to fog with each smack of our lips. She held the back of my waist, circling her thumb on my covered skin as my hands were all over her neck. She grunts, pushing her hips forward to feel that friction. I felt it, it was like a shock wave.

"You're so beautiful," she says with such a dreamy voice, pulling away to take a good look at me – even though I felt disgusted. "How could you be this beautiful?"

I laughed softly, but not too loud.

"I think you're just drunk."

She chuckled, burying her head into my neck, and whispered: "I'm not drunk. But with you, I could be."

Her hands made their way to my loose white shirt, pulling the hem up a bit to see a bit more of my skin. She smiled at me and then looked down, groaning at the sight. I was severely aroused, wet, and hot. I wanted her tongue everywhere, maybe her whole body. I wanted her as much as I wanted to go to Massachusetts, which was an odd thing to compare. She let go and removed her black leather jacket, dropping it on the carpeted floor, and pulled up her black shirt until I could see her abs that were on display.

"Natasha," I breathed, trying to control my eagerness. "You look beautiful."

"Not as much as you are," she responded, kissing my neck with a bit of a moan that she was holding back. I don't know if she was being serious, she probably must've said that despite the intense heat we were both having. Either way, that felt important to me. I kissed her cheek, eagerly trying to turn her so I could kiss those subtle and plump lips. She knew right away and our tongues danced together, our touching began to become rough and I started grinding up against her hips – wanting more, needing more.

"I'll pay you an extra hundred if I could um," she stutters while kissing my lips repeatedly – as if not wanting to pull away from them. "If I could dirty talk with you. I want to degrade you a little, but we won't do it if you're not comfortable–"

"I am," I whispered breathlessly onto her wet lips, and it was the truth. I was fine with the idea of her calling me the nastiest name. "Please, do anything you want with me."

She kissed my lips once more, and her hands continued to tease the sides of my ribs. I hitched my breath as I could feel her tongue drooling all over my neck. Was she this insatiable? Or was that just me being a horny person too? I was lost in her world – as I succumbed to it.

"You're going to beg for me?" she coos. I felt hot, immensely hot. I couldn't even think anymore, so I nodded. She smirks and whispers close enough to my ear, "Words, little one."

"Oh, yes! Please, I'll do anything."

Natasha chuckles and pulls my shirt away, gasping quietly as my covered breasts were on full display. It was admired for her, she liked how supple my breasts were and she began to squeeze them with both of her hands. She comments, "So beautiful."

I tried not to smile at this intense moment, but I couldn't help it. I never received that kind of a compliment in many years, even though it probably won't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. I tried not thinking about it and continued to tease her by arching my hips repeatedly, asking her to fuck me now.

"Skip the teasing, please..." I begged, yelping softly when I could feel her teeth sinking in into my neck like a mad woman. She shakes her head, pulls herself up, and whispered lowly: "I'm paying you, remember? So be a good girl for me."

I hate men when they degrade me, I find it insanely stupid and such a turn-off. With their masculine tone and their grunt, I could cringe to the point my whole body was a spasm. But, she's different. I liked it when she degraded me. In fact, I liked everything she's doing to my body right now–

"I'm going to pull off your pants now," she says, staring at me with eyes that speak are-you-going-to-stop-me look. I nodded as I tried speaking out my words, but nothing came out. She knew that. Natasha smiled down at me and unzipped my pants, pulling it down while her eyes were basically glued to mine.

Once our clothes were off, our bodies pressed each other with such connection that I couldn't bear myself to explain. She was sweating, but not like crazy sweat. I noticed that her hair was braided, a faint blonde at the end of it. I admired her beauty, I also admired her courtesy in everything she does. I felt like I could even trust her at this point.

"Detka," she whispers with such a needing tone, biting her lower lip to hold back whatever she was having inside of her. She whispers with a husk, "I bet you're tight down there."

That could be a lie. I wasn't pure anymore, maybe she won't see me the same way again because I was like a used doll. But instead, I shook my head. Honesty is important.

"I think you're speaking metaphorically," I couldn't help but chuckle, trying not to have that awkward moment. "I'm not that... tight anymore. You can reach back out if you want to."

Instead, she smiles – as if she was adoring my little ramble. She responded with a softer tone, "I don't care about that. You're still as beautiful as ever."

Was I going to be emotionally attached to this woman? I hope not. Because, knowing myself, I knew I could depend easily on someone so quickly. Growing up with no love in my lifes could lead me to naivety until I go insane. But, I liked to experiment. I just hope I don't have attachment issues.

She spits on her two fingers and spreads them to lubricate most of their length. Then, she buries her head into my neck again and thrust her fingers inside of me, making my mouth let out a silent scream as her long fingers go deeper into my cunt with no problem.

"God you're tight," she hitches, her hips going upwards. "And warm–Ah–you're so warm, I can barely breathe."

This woman was good with her words, she knew how to use them that I almost came from them. I hold her back with both of my hands, biting my bottom lip hard and Natasha pulls out then thrusts back again with emphasis, making my head hit the car door. She pulls her head back, staring into my eyes with her hooded ones, and brutally thrusts back in and out. Each time she prods her fingers back in, I let out a moan. A whiny one to be exact. I was such a slut, especially for this woman who is clearly above me. Our hips were in sync, her tongue was all over my jaw while my other hand was placed on the fogged window – trying to hold onto something.

It felt too passionate for a one-night stand.

"I'm so wet for you baby," she whispers to me, staring into my wet eyes as she changes the pace a bit. This time, she was curling her fingers to hit that spot that was untouched for many years. "I'm going to make you cum first, then you make me cum too. Okay?"

I nodded, panting as her fingers pounded into me, hard.

"Words."

It sounded like a demand, hell I loved it. So I spoke with a loud scream, "Hmph—yes! Oh yes... god fuck me, please–harder, go harder!"

Natasha groans at the sight of me and responds with a lower tone in her voice: "Oh god, please tell me you're about to cum. You're clenching around me... poor baby."

That nickname made me explode like a nuke. I arched my back in pain as my eyes shut with pleasure, my whole body began to tremble as I clenched hard around her fingers, mewling and screaming while my orgasm took over me. I could see the white stars at the back of my eyes, I felt like I was in oblivion.

She holds me close, watching me while I climax around her fingers. Natasha was in love with the sight she was seeing, she took it in. This is something she could never forget, a beautiful woman like me is something she could never ever forget. For some reason, she felt a spark from the alluring sight. It compelled her until she realized that it was probably wrong to feel that way. But, she merely couldn't help it.

I flopped against the car cushions and panted, my chest endlessly sweating from my orgasm. I opened my eyes and saw her staring back at me with such lovely eyes that I've never seen. I couldn't tell if she was admiring me, I was too fucked up to speak. I whispered, "Do you want me to eat you out?"

But Natasha never stopped staring at me, it was like she was fond of my presence. This whole sex arrangement only started almost an hour ago, and she could feel herself being attached. How incredibly dull was she? So dull.

"Maybe some other time," she responded with her dreamy voice, smiling down at me toothlessly. "I'm going to pay you now."

Natasha insisted on taking me home and turning her down for the tenth time, I agreed. It wasn't a long ride home, we were sitting with faded music that was playing on the radio. Although, I enjoyed the quiet company that was given. Natasha was humming throughout the song, and I found her voice very pleasing. I began to feel jealous that I couldn't sing, but I didn't care most of the time. I just liked the way she hums through the song, it was like a lullaby.

When we finally arrived, Natasha pulled out a five-hundred-dollar bill and grabbed my hand – placing the money as my eyes widened from the amount. I stammered, "Natasha, you can't be serious. This is too much–"

"Please," she gulps, smiling again at me. "...Take it. You deserve every bit of it, I must say you were very lovely tonight."

I shake my head, "No. At least three-hundred I would be fine–"

"Detka, please take it. Okay? You did such a great job tonight."

We fell into this broad silence – but not awkwardly – and stared at each other. I could sense that she was blushing as her cheeks were on display from it. I think I was blushing too, I've never blushed in so long. How could I not? No one has made me feel this way for years, it feels surreal in all honesty.

"You're beautiful," she says shyly as she tries to hide her mouth with the heel of her palm. "Like insanely beautiful."

I could feel my lips trembling from such a compliment she gives and responded with a whisper, "Thank you, Natasha. You're beautiful too."

It truly did mean a lot to me. A beautiful woman complimenting me is something I could never cope with. I felt dry as I called her beautiful, I almost began to cover my face with such embarrassment. But, her smile widens until I can see her teeth and look away from me – her cheeks are blushing intensely.

"You're killing me here, go home sweetheart. It's very late."

When she drove away, I stood by the sidewalk, feeling my heart beat so fast that I couldn't manage to breathe. I never thought having a small encounter like that could lead me into feeling like an important person. But, my heart suddenly drops as I never asked for her number. I only knew her name though, it was Natasha. But there could be so many Natashas in this city, I could never find her again.

I might never find her again.

Throughout my night, I just accepted its fate. I will never see her again, but I could only relive my night with her as it felt very surreal and important to me; like it was my fifteenth birthday. I wanted to be in that scenario again, so desperately. But sometimes fate doesn't want you there.

                                                  —

Natasha grabbed a bottle of wine that was left inside the fridge, opened the lid, and poured herself a full glass. When she walks into the cold living room, she sees her wife that has been sitting there for god knows how long. The Russian gulped, smiling at her wife kindly, and asked: "It's late, why are you still up?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing," she stands up, walking toward her wife and crossing her arms so that her breasts prodded out. "Where have you been?"

"Work," Natasha lied, taking a mouthful of red wine from her glass. "Why? Something happened?"

"Yeah," Wanda sighs, pinching her nose bridge as she lets out a breathless chuckle, feeling it tremble a little. "Yeah um, I don't want to move out."

"Wanda–"

"You said you want things to work out," Wanda cuts her off with a thick accent that she still adapto for many years. "Aren't we working things out?"

Natasha just sighs and shakes her head defeatedly.

"I don't know," Natasha answered, which was the truth. Shew really doesn't know. "All I can say is I don't want to be married to you anymore. Okay?"

"Hypocrite," the brunette scoffs and turns away from her wife, lifting her hands in the air exasperatedly. "Just ridiculous, you fucked me the other night and now you're telling me you don't want to be in this marriage."

"I was drunk!" Natasha reasoned and took a few steps at her wife, who's soon to be her ex-wife. "You know I don't love you anymore. You know that!"

Wanda turns, her tears are evident in her eyes, that Natasha's heart almost crumbles – but enough not to. She whispers with a fit of sheer anger, "You don't love me anymore when I accidentally slept with Vision."

"Exactly!" Natasha responded with a louder tone, full of dominance. She clasped her hands together and laughed sarcastically, feeling a little insane. "Exactly, Wanda. There you go, that's why I don't love you anymore."

"That's just bullshit."

To her excuse, everything was bullshit.

taglist: @trashbod @sayah13 @mrsromanoff​ @korekiyoss​ 

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fanfic #stargirl interlude series #natasha romanoff #natasha angst #black widow x reader #black widow x you

[arttheclown]

alright alright i finally had time to sit down & compose my thoughts on how beelzemon / beelzebumon’s villain arc was handled in the original japanese sub versus the english dub because holy shit they are. different. i think both versions have their merits but there are things the dub got so wrong, especially as far as beelzemon’s relationship with renamon is concerned.

first off, i’m gonna talk about the differences - not so much which version did what better, but what sets them apart.

putting this under a cut because this is gonna be a long one. (also keep in mind i still have a couple eps left to watch from his villain arc in japanese, so i may reblog with an update or write a part 2 soon.)

1 -- the tone of impmon’s talk with caturamon (the “deal with the devil” scene) is very different in japanese. while it’s still a somber scene in dub & you feel sorry for impmon, his sarcasm is much more subdued in the original, drawing more attention to how scared & helpless he feels rather than his defence mechanisms.

i think what really drives this point home is that the little montage where he reflects on his time with his friends & realizes he’ll have to betray them in exchange for power; in the dub, old conversations are re-played for the audience, while in the og, these flashbacks are silent aside from a sad song that plays. this not only puts us in impmon’s shoes better, but helps set the tone for the tragedy of what’s about to happen & the gravity of his choice. i plan to upload a comparison soon. also, maybe it’s just me, but given that the last image we land on during the flashback montage is impmon striking renamon in the face... i’m inclined to believe that was supposed to signify that he was sorry for doing it, especially since the context of the flashbacks was that he’d harassed all of the main digimon in some way. maybe impmon was trying to tell himself that he’d already been so awful to them anyway that he might as well just cut his ties? who knows - but that’s something i feel sad music sold a lot better than voice-overs. 2 -- beelzemon / beelzebumon’s entire characterization. jesus christ, as someone who’s been praising how the dub handled such a dark storyline for years (and to be fair, derek stephen prince absolutely KILLS his role as beez in the best way), i was completely thrown off to see how radically different he is in the original. in the dub, beelzemon is still recognizable as impmon even during his reign of terror. he’s gone off the rails, but his speech patterns & personality remain the same - we’re just seeing a much darker side of him. it feels a lot like we’re watching a smaller person stumble around in a body that’s too big for them.

in japanese, beelzebumon’s demeanour is entirely different from impmon’s. his speech patterns aren’t the same & his cheeky from humour before is pretty much gone. he’s much colder. you don’t know who the hell you’re looking at anymore, which lends some disturbing credence to beelzebumon’s insistence that “impmon is dead.” for a second, you actually worry he might be telling the truth.

and then there’s his relationship with renamon & the role that plays in this particular storyline, which leads me to my next (and arguably most important) point.

3 -- i’m just gonna say it! i think the dub did the relationship between these characters dirty in this very pivotal storyline. i think there are aspects to enjoy about dub!beelzemon and sub!beelzebumon (depending on your preference on how his personality is portrayed), but they just. totally dropped the ball on his confrontation with kyubimon in episode 34 and i’m gonna explain why.

as mentioned before, sub!beelzebumon seems like a jarringly different character from impmon. almost unrecognizable. when caturamon reminds him that he has a job to do, he agrees to do it and seems prepared to carry out the gruesome task... until the moment comes for him to strike down kyubimon.

i’m gonna let these screencaps speak for themselves.

it’s only NOW that we see him breaking. he isn’t enjoying this, he doesn’t WANT to do it. he’s falling the fuck apart & it’s only now that we realize all of beelzebumon’s behaviour up until this point has been a facade. he blows up at kyubimon for “making him look like an idiot” because he’s still the same sad, insecure person he was before he evolved.

in the dub, we’re given pretty much the reverse of this set-up. beelzemon still acts very much like impmon - albeit an overpowered one - and doesn’t seem very happy when caturamon reminds him of their deal. (”let’s get this over with,” he says in response.) it gives the audience false hope that maybe he won’t actually follow through with it, making it feel like that much more of a betrayal when he does try to kill everyone & successfully takes leomon out of the picture. some people may praise that kind of bait-and-switch, and i get it, but...

there is far less real build-up to beelzemon going berserk in the dub. one minute his heart isn’t in it and the next he’s suddenly kicking kyubimon around and going out of his way to harm her. (which puts a really icky, abusive spin on their relationship that i don’t like at all.) the sub makes it much clearer that he’s trying to punish her for helping him & attempting to make things easier for himself by taking out the digimon he has the strongest connection with first. still a sick, unforgivable act, but one i can follow along with better on a psychological level.

which brings me to my final, and other Most Important point: the context of leomon’s death.

4 -- much like kyubimon, leomon recognizes immediately that beelzebumon doesn’t actually want to do this & that this isn’t the right path for him.

in the english dub, the dialogue is different & ultimately boils down to leomon telling beelzemon to fight him instead of going after the kids. that doesn’t happen here. beelzemon just kills him mid-conversation while leomon is trying to reason with him, and - having committed an act he knows is unforgivable - spirals out of control.

so no, i won’t say the dub butchers the entire storyline so much as choosing to handle aspects of it differently... but those choices aren’t always for the better, and i wish they just left a lot of this alone. the original context for these scenes are much more powerful & handle the characters & their dynamics more thoughtfully.

tl;dr: even if you have a soft spot for the tamers dub (which i do too, mostly for nostalgic reasons), try watching it in japanese at least once. it puts a lot of things into perspective & elaborates much more heavily on themes & ideas that the dub just skims over.

#beelzemon #impmon #beelzebumon #digimon tamers #digimon #meta #sid's meta #i have feelings about this idiot #digiposting

[fizzyxcustard]

Wrong Place Wrong Time - Part 2 - Chapter 1

The masterlist to the first part can be found here

Summary: You find yourself in 1209AD after a science experiment has gone wrong, and you are now making a new life in a small village in France. However, Sir Raymond de Merville has his eye on you and will not take no for an answer. You both embark on a passionate love affair which leads to Raymond’s downfall.

With Raymond dead, you find your way back to 2017. Now heavily pregnant with Raymond's child, things take a strange turn and you find out that Raymond's promise to come back to you as crossed many centuries.

Fandom: Pilgrimage (2017)

Pairings: Raymond de Merville x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Sexual references, violence, bad language, sexual language.

Comments/Notes: This fic is being re-uploaded. It was originally written on Tumblr for my old blog and then put on to AO3, so I'm now trying to put all outstanding fics from AO3 on to here.

As always, if you like the story, please consider a reblog. My tag list is always open to people who wish to be added. Send me a message and let me know. :)

England, 2017

Your stomach felt heavy, and not just because you were seven and a half months pregnant, but because you had just asked a question you never even imagined you’d ever in your life ask. What are the procedures for putting a child up for adoption? What would Raymond think of you? But how could you live like this? You were constantly living a life of darkness because your light, Raymond, had been taken from you. 

Your senior management at work had been trying to bribe you with money to shut you up over the events which had unfolded; you’d been dragged into non-stop meetings. An accident in the research facility of a local science lab where you worked as an assistant technician, had sent you hurtling through time to 1209AD, landing you in France. The life you had begun making, resulting in you marrying the love of your life and becoming pregnant, had all come to a cataclysmic end when your husband was killed. Then the team you worked alongside had been able to pull you back into your proper time in history. 

You stared at the image of your unborn child, in whites and greys upon the ultrasound screen next to you. Its small heartbeat loud in the room as the midwife turned up the volume. “She’s strong.” 

“She?” you asked, tears in your eyes. 

The midwife put the machinery away and wiped the cold gel from your swollen stomach. “I don’t want to interfere too much,” she began, reminding you so much of Lucille back in France. The midwife was young, blonde and very beautiful. “But, where’s the father? You never mention him and when I asked you on your first scan, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. There’s obviously something really hurtful behind what happened, and I just wanted to make sure that adoption is the right thing for this baby.” 

You couldn’t help but break down into tears. You shoved your head back on the bed and exhaled through the tears. “There’s so much to this story,” you said. “And I’m not proud of some of my actions, so do I really want to bring a child up knowing the things I’ve done?” Every night flashes of the bodies of Raymond’s father and the mute would haunt you. Murdering those men had brought you some initial satisfaction, but now all you felt was overwhelming shame and guilt. “I was married and my husband died…” The tears came faster down your cheeks, and you dashed to the door, unable to stand this anymore. The midwife chased after you and put her arm around you. 

“We can get you support if you need it,” she told you kindly. “Please don’t think that you’ll just give birth to this baby and that’s it.”

“I lost my husband, the only man I’ve ever truly loved. And I have to live with the memories through this baby, knowing I’ll never get him back.” 

Instead of going home after your scan, you walked aimlessly through town, watching people pass you by. Evening was closing in quite sharply now, the dusk wrapping around you. Never even knowing why, you looked at the doorway of a local pub, set off the street, and approached it. 

You walked into the pub, hearing men cheering at the sports channel which was playing on a TV above the bar. A couple of men raised their eyebrows at you, seeing your obvious pregnancy and wondering why you had decided to venture into a public house. 

“Can I have a pint of coke, please?” you asked the barman, an overweight, balding fellow with reddened cheeks. 

“Course, love. That’s two pounds fifty, please,” he asked, and began pouring the drink from off the tap. 

You stayed in the bar for a while, looking at the print out of your ultrasound scan. Your index finger traced the outline of your daughter’s head and then down her arms which were stretched upwards. 

I can’t give you up. How selfish would I be for giving away the one last physical thing I have left of Raymond? The pain will never go away, but I have to try and cope each day and watch you grow up and be happy. 

You went on to order a plate of food, but as you waited for your meal, you picked up the cocktails list. A cocktail list in a bar like this? Very fancy an attempt at being up market. 

“Should you really be looking at those in your fragile state?” a voice came. Shivers raced down your spine. That voice! It was so familiar; so deep with its velvet baritone edge, but one thing was missing from it: a French accent. 

You choked on your drink as the man looked at you, the man who belonged to that eerily familiar voice. His icy blue eyes, his long nose, slim lips, almost black hair…it was Raymond. You said his name, feeling your whole inner being explode in shock and joy. Your Raymond was alive. 

“Sorry, sweetheart, I think you’ve got me mixed up with somebody else. I’m Richard, not Raymond.” He gave you a sad smile, probably pitying you for your sudden outburst of complete insanity. Were you hallucinating and willing him to be there? You panicked, feeling your breath escape you, and it made you gag. 

You dashed for the second time that day, unable to face what was right in front of you. “You alright, love?” the barman called as he scrubbed up some of the pint glasses. 

Richard watched on. Why had she called him Raymond? That was what he was called in his dreams. Raymond de Melville, de Meerville….something like that. The splintered pieces of his dreams haunted him by day. He never saw a woman’s face but he dreamed of being on his knees, kissing his wife’s stomach and promising to come back. Come back from where? For weeks now and he had dreamed of a woman, never seeing her face but hearing her voice, kissing her stomach which held a new life they had created…and then that day he just happened to bump into a pregnant woman who called him Raymond. Richard had never been superstitious or spiritual, but something about this situation was pulling at him. 

You pressed your back against the wall, watching a few children play on a bouncy castle in the beer garden. “Are you sure you’re alright?” 

You looked to your left and saw Richard. He was Raymond, you were sure of it. His whole face was your husband’s, only minus the purple scar at his temple next to his eye. 

“I’m insane, let’s face it!” you hissed under your breath. “I thought you were someone else and you aren’t.” 

“How can you be so sure?” he asked. 

Why would he ask such a question as that? You looked up at him, and you could see questions in his eyes. You knew Raymond’s expressions, every single one of them. The times you had analysed his face, studying the crinkles at his eyes when he laughed, watching his lips moisten ever so slightly whenever you were vocally teasing him, and the contentment in his ice blue depths whenever you curled up together at night. More than that and you remembered the expression of whenever he was unsure, confused or questioning. When you had initially rejected his wedding proposal, and the confusion made his eyebrows furrow and he looked down at the ground, that initial reaction of not knowing what to do. And in this instance you could see he did not know what to do. 

“Do you know something?” you asked him. For the first time you looked properly into his eyes, focusing on him. It was Raymond. You felt the draw to him, the spirals of enticement racing through you. This was your husband. In some miracle he had come back to you. You didn’t care how, just the fact he had. 

Richard felt attraction, an invisible force which was wrapping around his insides and pulling him towards you. But you were a heavily pregnant woman, obviously someone else’s girlfriend or wife. “I don’t know anything, but you seem to know something. Tell me,” he insisted. The forceful side to your husband was beginning to show, just like when you first met. He had expected you to explain yourself first before he even attempted to give away any snippets of insight about himself. 

“I’m fucking insane,” you growled, noticing people who were sat outside with their children begin to watch you suspiciously. 

You looked at your Raymond again and felt your daughter kick hard. She obviously knew as well that this was her father. As if on cue, Richard spoke again, “Who’s the father?” He looked down at your bump, his eyes seeming to remain there for longer than most people’s. 

Such a strange question for someone who had only just met you. How in the world could you answer with ‘you’? 

“He died,” you whispered. “He got sent away and died fighting.” 

“As in deployed with the forces?” Richard asked. 

“You could say that, yeah.”

“Look, I know this is all weird and everything, but would you like a lift home?” Richard asked kindly. Of course he was a complete stranger through your rational thinking, but he was also your husband. What a contradiction. There was no way you could miss this opportunity. On impulse you politely agreed to his offer. 

***

Follow Forever tag list: @lathalea @i-did-not-mean-to @middleearthpixie @luna-xial @linasofia @meganlpie @xxbyimm @guardianofrivendell @knitastically @asgardianhobbit98 @rachel1959 @msjava1972 @eunoiaastralwings @spidergirla5 @sunflwrnsunnieshine @tschrist1

#Richard Armitage #Raymond de Merville #Raymond de Merville x You #Raymond de Merville x Reader #Raymond de Merville x Fem!Reader #Time Travel #Modern setting #Pilgrimage

[trappedward]

In a deep, dark forest

To begin this blog, I felt it only appropriate to address one of the topics that was the main reason I started this in the first place.

That's right baby we are starting off strong with Kikuo. It should be of no surprise then that Kikuo is my favourite artist, considering I partially dedicated this blog to him and my first post is about his latest song (that you were going to discover as you read on).

So, In a Deep, Dark Forest has finally been uploaded to Spotify after being teased on his Instagram and formally released 2 weeks ago! To be honest, it's felt way more like a month than 2 weeks but also my concept of time has been so fucked up recently. Regardless of that, let's move on to what I really want to say about this song.

(Feel free to give it a listen if you're a passerby or a fan that hasn't heard the song yet so you can gather your own opinions before reading mine)

Again, to no surprise, I LOVE THIS SONG. I never listen to songs on repeat, usually I'll put a few songs in between and then re-listen. HOWEVER I could not help but put it on repeat a few times when It released on Spotify just a little bit ago.

It's classic Kikuo; upbeat yet distorted tempo and whacky little sound effects if you listen carefully. It's why I love his music so much. I've rarely found music artists quite like him and every time I listen to his music, I either find something new or find that I listen to it differently than I last did - if that even makes sense?

But I'm not here to just summarise. After all, I've DEDICATED this blog to my interests. That means I'm doing this properly baby - I'm breaking down every aspect of THIS ONE SONG that I feel like talking about for my own sick pleasure. Ladies and gentlemen, let's properly start the blog.

QI XUAN

For this song Kikuo diverted from his usual use of Hatsune Miku and instead decided to use Qi Xuan as his vocalist. Now I'm fully aware that this is not the first time Kikuo has used Qi Xuan's or another Vocaloid's voice bank - he has dabbled with Stardust Infinity and his song ローディーローディー/ Roadie Roadie features Qi Xuan. I just felt the need to point this out because for the past few years we have seen KIKUOMIKU 1-6 so I was interested to see that he had tried something else for the first time in a while (aside from collabs with Si_ku and Hanatan, etc). Anyway... Qi xuan! I personally think her vocals were amazing for this song. Don't get me wrong, I adore Miku and I absolutely understand why she is one of the most liked vocaloids. She's always amazing for Kikuo's music. This time though Qi Xuan just seemed like a more obvious choice in hindsight. While her voice is still soft (just like Miku), it sounded a bit more lively in somes parts as opposed to Kikuo's Miku usually being pretty deadpan or emotionless. Qi's smooth, more exasperated vocal seems to fit the flowy aspects of this song and make it sound sort of like a tide. Drawing out and then back in. She just has a bit more emotion at parts idk... maybe I'm just way too used to the atypical Kikuo Miku that hearing something different feels more realistic in terms of making it sound like an actual person.

COVER ART

From what I understand from Kikuo's description on the youtube upload of this song, the artwork was a collaboration between him and Si_ku. Which like.... HELLO?! When was the last time Kikuo drew one of his own album or single covers? And to do a collab with his star artist Si_ku? MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN I say. I absolutely adore Si_ku and her artstyle and that she is constantly working with Kikuo. Having them work together to make the artwork is just... it's incredible to me. It's got the usual style of Si_ku mixed with that "grimeieness" that Kikuo usually exploits. I've stared at it for so long just looking at the intricate details and colours hidden within all the lines spewing out from the main subject. Imagining Kikuo and Si_ku in the same room making this is so cool to me and IDK MAN I'M JUST FAN-GIRLING SO HARD RN.

INSTAGRAM STORIES

I follow Kikuo on Instagram. As much as it is an annoyance to me, I use Instagram a lot (more than Twitter). Can you imagine my surprise when I saw Kikuo's icon at the top of my screen in the stories bar? The speed at which I clicked was that of mach 20. I. WAS. NOT. DISAPPOINTED. This is probably not the right spot for this segment of the blog but do I care? No. Anywayssss seeing his behind the scenes process and getting casual updates throughout the week was awesome. I've always enjoyed watching him deconstruct his process especially since he doesn't actually know anything about music theory. He just does whatever sounds good to him and it's so garbled but insanely interesting as he explains why he makes the choices he does, how it isn't based on any logic in regards to making music but because of some reason that is akin to his creative process. If that makes sense. I'm sorry if my speech is hard to understand because I'm multi-tasking atm and rereading my sentences doesn't always help me edit. Ok I digress for the millionth time. Kikuo's instagram stories were not something I thought he'd take interest in starting considering that he really just works at his own pace being the NPC he is. Not complaining though and I will happily eat my meal.

ENDING SEGMENT

I would love to continue but I have lost track of my thoughts because I had a 2 hour interval at one point when writing this because I got distracted ACK. I may do a part two but that is only if I can get my shit together and not have like 5 different people trying to message me at once (I'm grateful for all of you though FR). For anyone who somehow is interested in this or has made it to the end of this post, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me your thoughts on the topic / this song! I would love to discuss it even if only briefly in the notes. That's all, bye bye.

#kikuo #vocaloid #Youtube

[lmttn]

Gabriel Knight 3: Day 1 Complete

After my initial post about Gabriel Knight 3 (which was itself just me restating a few Tweets I made about the game), I figured I'd keep writing about it until I'm finished with it. I guess this will be like a really abridged camcorder let's play, but maybe less focused on the game itself (For example, I don't think I want to reveal too many huge plot spoilers.) and more on my own thoughts on the game and maybe also the graphic adventure genre as a whole.

Before I start, maybe I should first talk about my own history with the point and click adventure genre. It's not very long. When I was a kid I played a little bit of Nancy Drew: Curse of Blackmoor Manor (2004) with my mom, and I thought it was really difficult and none of the puzzles made any sense and then I went back to playing Battlefield 1942 (2002). Not long later, after getting GameTap (points to anyone else who had it), I tried a few of the many old adventure games on the service, such as the first couple King's Quest games and some of the Myst games. You could probably guess how well those went for me.

It wasn't until last year, at a point in time in which I really felt like I had played everything I thought I wanted to play, that I decided I'd give the genre another shot. It was a good opportunity to explore what I had realized was a huge blind spot; I love old PC games, and this was once a marquee genre for the platform. The first game I played in this excursion was LucasArts's Sam & Max Hit the Road (1993). I just thought it was okay. I really liked Sam and Max as characters, but I wasn't that invested in the world they inhabited or the mystery the game saw them solving. In addition, I really couldn't recall a single puzzle in the whole game. That might be a good thing, since that means none of them must have been particularly infuriating. Next, I tried Full Throttle (1995), also by LucasArts. I didn't finish it because basically nothing about its story, world, characters, or gameplay grabbed me. It's allegedly extremely short, so for all I know I might have seen the majority of the game before quitting.

Up next was Sierra's The Beast Within: A Gabriel Knight Mystery (1995), which I'm just going to refer to as Gabriel Knight 2 or GK2. I was interested in it because it seemed like the polar opposite of the other two games I played. For one, it was by the other major graphic adventure publisher. But it obviously ran way deeper than that. GK2 was very different in terms of tone and presentation as well, being a dark paranormal mystery in a contemporary setting, played by live actors.

I ended up finding GK2 to be immensely charming. Gabriel Knight and Grace Nakimura, the game's dual protagonists, quickly became two of my favorite characters in the medium. The writing and acting were campy, but nothing felt forced or insincere. A couple of its puzzles were pretty frustrating, but they were worth powering through to see the next part of the story. Also, it had to be among the most homoerotic games to be released by a major publisher in the 1990s. Metal Gear Solid wishes. If you're reading this and you haven't played it, I highly recommend it.

Which finally brings me to Gabriel Knight 3: Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned (1999). I first tried it right after finishing 2, but was scared off by its interface, which may have been designed by aliens. I'm not going to retread what I talked about in my initial post about the game, but trust me: it's fucking weird.

One of the most confusing things about GK3 is how it starts. The game's opening cutscene gives absolutely no context as to why Gabriel is getting his ass on a train in France. That's because the actual intro is in a prologue comic, which was included in the game's box, but bizarrely isn't included as a digital extra in the Steam/GOG re-releases of the game. Thankfully, it has been uploaded elsewhere.

Heartbreakingly, Dean Erickson did not return to reprise his role as Gabriel. Instead, Tim Curry—who voiced him in the first game—was brought back to play the protagonist. Erickson knocked it out of the park in GK2. He had a more convincing Louisiana accent than Tim Curry ever will, and he was significantly more capable of portraying Gabriel at his most serious. Curry's portrayal, on the other hand, is really over-the-top. Unfortunately, Joanne Takahashi, who did a fantastic job as Grace in 2, didn't return either. I can't comment on her replacement (Charity James) just yet, as Grace has had very little presence so far in my playthrough.

As I said in my initial post about the game, Gabriel Knight 3 used a completely original engine. It was probably going to be used for more than just this game, but GK3 ended up being Sierra's final adventure game. It's a shame because it's a really fascinating engine that, weird interface aside, opens up a level of fully 3D exploration that other graphic adventure games didn't have. Instead of pre-rendered backgrounds, everything is 3D: characters, environments, and all the little objects that inhabit them. The level of detail is pretty surprising, as some of these areas are quite big. You have a freely controllable camera that moves independently of the player character. In the two images below, you can see the same area through two cameras. The first is the default angle you see when you load into this area. In the second, I pulled the camera back as far as it let me:

Obviously, the ground textures have not aged all that well, and some of the skyboxes depicting distant mountains don't look too great either. The level of detail, however, is pretty impressive. All signs and posters in the world are fully legible, and the texture filtering is good enough that they actually still look very smooth when you zoom in on them. I should've taken some pictures of them to illustrate this.

The interiors look (and run) way better, and they also do a better job of showing off the level of detail this engine is capable of. You can pick up that crumpled piece of paper in front of the trash can. It's so useless that it doesn't even get added to your inventory, but it still has a whole animation and voiceover dedicated to it.

Gabriel Knight 3's game sections are divided very concretely. The game's "chapters" are presented as days, which are split blocks of hours. For example, Day 1 of the game is split into 10AM-12PM, 12PM-2PM, 2PM-4PM, 4PM-6PM, and 6PM-10PM. Thankfully, there is no time limit or real-time clock. Instead, essential story progress is what moves you from one time block to the next. As the title suggests, I just finished Day 1 of the game.

Day 1 has the notorious cat hair mustache puzzle. It is, to put it lightly, fucking stupid. To make matters worse, it is the first major puzzle in the game. I can't even imagine how many people bought this game in 1999 only to never see past this part.

While its tale of vampires, missing babies, secret societies, hidden treasures, and seriously unconvincing Scottish accents has me intrigued so far, GK3 lacks the camp charm of its predecessor. Jane Jensen can obviously still write convincing characters, and her sense of humor still shines through occasionally, but this game is way more stone-faced than 2 so far. But all in all, so far so good. If I can get through a puzzle so bad it has its own Wikipedia article, I should be able to comfortably get through the rest of Gabriel Knight 3.

#gabriel knight #3dfx #adventure games #point and click #point and click adventure #sierra online #windows 98

[daddy-suguru]

Hi, just wanted to say that I was the anon that sent you that (really cheesy but) heartfelt letter. I just wanted to say that you should never shy away from posting, no matter what it may be that you want to share, because there will always be people here that enjoy your writing (I literally binged everything you wrote- even the fandoms I don't even know lol). And it is kinda hypocritical to say that because I was too shy to post my actual message with my actual account because I am too anxious to see how people react to my words (I do now too lmao) But your writing is truly one of the best and I always enjoy what you (re)post.

The actually only new and important part: Your writing is truly one of the best I've read and what I wrote about you is my honest opinion Please believe this dumbass over here lol

You don't have to post this and sorry for grammar mistakes- not a native speaker :)

Hope this didn't make you uncomfortable; please tell me if it did I wish you the best ♥

Hello! It’s nice to meet you :3 there are a few ideas that I've talked about with some mutuals on here. I haven’t written or posted them yet, but I can’t let the idea go.

I'm thinking about once my birthday rolls around at the end of the year. Ill make them as a gift to myself and maybe I'll upload it. I have thought about putting it on a different website just to dump it somewhere. Which I've talked to a few of my mutuals about the idea who told me that ao3 would enjoy the idea more. Since it would be dark smutty content, with heavy on the dark. Anyway your words give me hope about some people enjoying the fucked up idea with me.

On another note it's understandable you would want to use anon. Sometimes when one reaches out to another on this website and they aren't always the nicest when they respond.

I get fat anxious talking to people here too. This leads to me waiting for someone to talk to me first so I don't get annoying. Some time I will write something underneath someone's post and then delete it thinking I would bother them.

I'm very flattered that you have read works from fandoms you aren't in because you like my writing. That is like one of the best compliments. It gives me hope that one day I can write a real story one day. Which I know I only really write smut here, but the idea of making world-building an action-adventure over arching plot with a romance sub plot story.

The idea of making my own monsters for them to go against, alongside slowly building the relationship between the leads as they fight alongside each other sounds excited to write about. Alongside creating various cities and places for them to visit sounds so exciting.

thank you for taking the time to send this in, alongside your other messages, cheesy yes but sometimes cheesy is good. it's putting a huge smile on my face so thank you :3 also the way you type out English (is that how i say it?) is wonderful don't worry about it

you didn't make me uncomfortable this is so sweet thank you sweetie :3

[1eaf-me-alone]

Part 3 of genshin glasses?

Genshin characters with glasses part 3 :) *this is a re-upload because I forgot to add the ask * I tried making it so the glasses would fit their style and personality (the characters were specially requested by the person doing the ask. Including: Hu Tao, Beidou, Keqing, Kujou Sara and Eula. Hu tao:

very simple, and plain— black glasses decorated with 2 small red flowers on the sides.

Though quite simple it does suit our funeral parlour director Hu Tao, with a simplistic design and some cute florals

no-one knows if Hu Tao even needs the glasses, maybe she just brings them to draw the customers in

very cute on her, everyone loves it.

just imagining small Hu Tao with these glasses -

Beidou:

Is wearing these dark brown/ black glasses with some gold flakes and small hints on an underlying green.

though she is wearing an eye patch on one eye (for reasons we don’t know) she still needs glasses for her other eye

i don’t think her sight is that bad actually, being at sea all day and having to spot the islands makes her eyesight impeccable in that case, but reading small letters on treasure maps for example is another’s

i think the glasses suit her incredibly well. No-one can disagree with me.

Keqing:

is wearing these dark purple glasses with different shades of purple stripes.

her glasses have to be quite clean and professional as she is the yuheng of the Liyue Qixing she needs to keep her discreetness and professionally

desperately needs glasses, her eyes are burnt out from the poor lack of sunlight she uses whilst reading documents

also needed them since very young.

Probably becomes embarrassend or flushed if someone points them out or compliments her.

Kujou Sara:

is wearing these dark navy glasses with a red accent

makes her look quite stern and clever (she is but accentuates those features out even more with glasses.)

she isn’t one to choose patterened or styled or colourful glasses

just needs a simple dark colour.(she is quite honoured and looked up to after all, and people might not take her seriously if she’s going around with bright pink glasses)

she’s quite a private person, so no-one knows why she needs glasses and people are too scared to ask.

Eula:

has blue glasses with a small ombré o different coloured blues

they are quite fancy, but also simple at the same time

glasses fit for an aristocrat.

the colours and the light blues fit with the Lawrence Clan logo

it fits her eyes- her purpl-ish eyes it really points them out.

idk just in general they seem quite posh, and it works with the way Eula talks and he manners.

- part four? Tell me if you want one

edit: I’ve already been requested for a part four , if you wanted to ask then I will do more parts so you can try then .

#Hu Tao #Genshin impact #Genshin x reader #hu Tao x reader #beidou #beidou x reader #Eula Lawrence #eula x reader #kujou Sara #Kujou Sara x reader #keqing #Keqing x reader #part 4???? I shall keep going till all characters are done

[sazandorable]

About moderating and banning content on AO3!

Okay so! I haven’t had the spoons to do this for a while but I cracked and ranted about it on twitter which is... not... conducive to long rants, so!

This is a h u g e discussion part of the l o n g history that led to the creation of AO3, which older, more informed, and more articulate people have talked about at length and can be found around if you look (I reblog some of it in my AO3 and fandom history tags for the curious). So I won’t go into that here, nor into the practical reasons why it’s not even possible to put that system in place anyway.

Arbitrarily, or the purpose of this post, because it’s the biggest topic I’ve seen brought up lately, I’ll be talking about fic depicting underage characters in se*ual situations, but honestly I could hold the exact same conversation on literally any controversial content.

This is about why you, specifically, if you are a content creator and especially if you are marginalised and especially if you are queer and especially especially if you are sensitive to fiction depicting certain things... do not, actually, want a banning system on AO3.

What? Of course we do. There’s a lot of p*do shit on AO3 and p*do shit is gross. No one should condone that, wtf? It would be easy to do — just periodically delete the entire Underage tag!

What will happen if that is done is that people will re-upload and continue to write it, they’ll just stop tagging and you will run into it with zero warning nor ability to filter it out. Again, this is not a theoretical — we know this is what happens. When I was a teen, adult content (all adult content) was not allowed on FF.NET; it was everywhere regardless, and without tags. The exact same thing happened on tumblr when adult content was banned as well. It’s not a matter of “staff not handling it well” — it just doesn’t work.

To keep safe the people who need to be able to exclude that tag, that tag needs to exist and be used.

Well, shucks. A reporting system then?

A reporting system would operate in one of two ways:

-an algorithm, which would delete a lot of stuff we wouldn’t want it to delete.

-humans, which is... the bigger problem.

An algorithm sounds great. We do want it to delete everything.

Okay. What about the daddy k*nk fics between consenting adult characters? What about the fics featuring characters that are children in the canon but are adults in the fic? What about the fics about teenagers exploring their se*uality together, written by adults about the experiences they remember having or wish they could have had? What about the thousands of SasuNaru and Drarry and other shounen and YA fics that will get written, by teens or by people who remember being teens? What about the se*ually explicit fic written by teens who are se*ually active in real life? What about the fics about CSA as trauma, about healing from it? What about the fics written by survivors of CSA to cope about their trauma? What about the fics that clearly show that it’s evil and traumatic? What about the super dark, harrowing, but beautiful and artistic that I’m glad I read even though it fucked me up for days? What about the ones that were really shitty but also horribly hot?

Well, some of these are still not okay, but maybe some might be. It depends on how it’s written. We’ll have humans moderating content and deciding, then.

Okay.

The thing is, I don’t know which of the things I just listed were okay for you to be depicted in fiction and which were too much. Odds are I don’t agree with you. Odds are if I asked 10 people randomly picked off the street, not everyone would agree.

Odds are, even if AO3 arbitrarily decided on which of those are allowed and which are not, you would not agree with their choice, and you would still be unhappy with the decision. (Or you would be happy, but your friends wouldn’t.)

Odds are, different AO3 content moderators might not agree on whether a given fic qualifies or not — is it artistic enough? Does it show enough that these actions are evil and wrong? Can the author prove they’re a teenager? Can the author prove they are a CSA victim? Can the author prove that this is to help them cope with their trauma? The author seem to be functioning alright, they mustn’t really be traumatised!

You know what I mean! There’s absolute, objectively gross shit out there that is not artistic and should not be published.

I agree that there’s vile stuff out there that makes me sick and that I think is very clearly just ped*philic trash. But there is no way to, 1) stop those from getting published anyway, 2) take those down and preserve the safety of everything else.

If we start forbidding some things, there’s two ways to go about it.

One single, clear, arbitrary rule — for instance, absolutely no adult content featuring characters under 18 (leaving aside the fact that this would not even work for the reason cited above). So we lose all the stuff from teenagers, all the coming of age stories about adolescence, all the stuff from CSA survivors; people who need to write it can’t publish it anymore, and people who need to read it can’t anymore either (and as a cool bonus, they’re told it’s wrong and made to feel bad about it). Depending on whether the rules applies to characters that are under 18 in the canon, we lose entire fandoms.

Or, subjective moderation by humans, according to what they estimate to be gross.

Let’s assume all moderators can agree on what’s gross or not.

If there is a system in place to ban some underage works because “gross shit”, then that means other gross stuff can be taken down on account of being gross and harmful.

Yeah! Gross stuff should be taken down! Come on, surely everyone agrees on what’s gross and harmful.

Ah.

But the problem is.

Here is a list of things I have seen — with my eyes seen — called harmful to be depicted in fiction:

Murder

Non-con

Inc*st

Cannibalism

Torture

Self-harm

Mental illness

Drugs

Racism

K*nk

Non-negotiated k*nk, but healthy k*nk is ok

Spanking k*nk

BDSM where the woman is a bottom, but woman top is ok

Healthy depictions of BDSM

Unhealthy depictions of BDSM

Queer people doing bad things

Abusive relationships

Rival/Enemies to lovers

Redemption stories

A happy relationship between a 17 yo and an 18 yo

A happy relationship between a 20 yo and a 60 yo

A happy relationship between a boss and their employee, or a college teacher and a student

A happy relationship between a 14 yo boy and an older teenage boy, because that’s reminiscent of older men preying on younger gay boys IRL

Se*ual content featuring a character whose age is unclear in canon and some people headcanon them as being underage, some as being a young adult

Loving, consensual fluff between characters that are evil villains, because it romanticises them and their actions

Dark content shipping female characters

Fluffy content shipping female characters, because it’s misogynistic to act like lesbians are only soft all the time

Consensual s*x featuring a canonically asexual character, because it implies that all aces can and should still have se*

Fics about the same canonically asexual character hating s*x, because that erases the experience of s*x-positive aces

Shipping a character who is perceived by some fans as queer-coded with a character of a different s*x

The tendency to ship a black character with white characters

Fluffy drunk s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Sleep s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Trans characters not experiencing dysphoria, because that idealises the trans experience

Consensual s*x between adults that are not married

LGBT+ content, because kids shouldn’t see that.

I guarantee you: you, I, and 10 random people plucked from the street will not agree on what, in that list, is and isn’t okay to publish and consume fiction of.

So why should your taste be the one followed? Why should it be the taste of mods you don’t know? Why should anyone get to dictate? What if the mods think your OTP is gross and your NOTP is fine?

This is the slippery slope argument.

Yes, it is the slippery slope argument. Because we know it happens. Because we’ve been there, because I’ve seen it happen myself twice already and I’m not even thirty. Because we know people do complain loudly about all of these things.

And because the second there is a banning system in place, assholes will use the system to abuse it and get stuff they just don’t like taken down using the “it is gross” argument, and one day you’ll wake up and the beautiful fic that helped you come to terms with your abuse/trauma/identity/orientation/k*nk for feet will be taken down and wonderful vulnerable creative people will have been harassed out of fandom because they argued with 1 person who didn’t like their foot k*nk fic that happened to also feature, for instance, a CSA trauma backstory.

Again: not exaggerating. Not theoretical. It happens, we know it happens, AO3 was created literally because it happens.

I still fucking hate that stuff.

That is completely fine and normal. No one likes everything. Me too! Most of the dark stuff is niche and the creators know only few people will like it the same way they do.

(For the record, I get grossed out and triggered by fics about an asexual character who does not like s*x having s*x with their partner to make them happy. Deep in my gut everything screams that that’s fucked up, terrifying and harmful, how can people write that. But I recognise that there are people who love and need that, and I leave those people and their content alone.

OTOH, I read a lot of otherwise dark shit and I enjoy it in the same way I enjoyed, say, Hannibal, in the same way some people enjoy true crime documentaries, horror movies or r*pe fantasy k*nk. It helps me explore stuff that I like to see in fiction, in a safe, controlled way. I’m also asexual, 90% s*x-repulsed IRL, and, obviously, I would never abuse a child. For that matter, I wouldn’t kill and eat people, either, nor would I do 90% of the tamer k*nky stuff I read.

Of course, Hannibal was fucked up and lots of people probably think Hannibal was gross and should not have been aired — but as exemplified by the fact that it was created, aired and watched, lots of people thought it was fine, interesting and even fun to watch.)

You can and should curate your experience and protect yourself. The AO3 website now allows you to exclude certain tags, and people have developed tools to help with that such as plugins that save your filters or hide fics that contain certain words.

But no, it isn’t going to, and it shouldn’t, get banned.

#ao3 #fandom history #aaaaand that's all im going to tag

[tohruhondaismydaughter]

Just had some headcanons about Machi pop into my head that I wanted to share with yall. So we know this poor girl struggles with "perfect"/neat things right? Well I was thinking about some healthy coping mechanisms she could develop to replace the whole 'breaking property/living in a dump' thing & here's what I got so far -

1. She always tries to wear odd socks (unless she's invited somewhere nice)

2. Ayame & Mine help her find cool asymmetrical stuff to wear, how to make clashing colours/patterns work for her & teach her how to sew up her old clothes in a more "punk rock" way (after Yuki & Kakeru explain some of her issues with perfection)

3. Tohru gently points out that she dosn't have to tie her laces the same way on both shoes if she dosn't want to

4. Haru & Rin (awkwardly on her part) teach her the power of acessorising (ie. wearing only one earing, putting on an uneven amount of bracelets/rings/necklaces, adding paper clips of different sizes & colours to your clothing & Machi later ends up adding stuff like buttons to her outfits/belongings as well which Haru & Rin are tottally surppotive of despite thier difference in style) & hair/makeup which (thanks to Yuki's advice) they make sure to keep slightly messy (Kimi laughed at it at first until Momiji made her feel bad after he told her that Machi had gone to the bathroon & wiped off all the make up & undid the hair style so Kimi bought her some limited edition Mogeta merch, after asking for Yuki's advice, in apolgey & started referring to Machi's new hair/makeup style as "punk chic" whenever anyone tried to mock Machi about her new look)

5. her & Momiji go on a crazy tie dying adventure (much to Hatori's grumbling & Mayu's amusement)

6. Kormaki gets her into collecting second hand fridge magnets which she then later uses in her work (my version of post-serise Machi is an artist) once the magnetism finally wears off

7. Kagura teaches her how to fix up old plushies (Machi likes creating Mogeta inspired characters) & gives Machi all her old cat ones to work on (Machi descides not to ask why Yuki's cousin was seemingly once obssesd with orange cats because she looks rather embrassed & a little sad when she hands over her collection)

8. Kyo reluctantly teaches her how to cook a few simple dishes (Tohru comes over as well & Yuki insists her food is better but Machi prefers Kyo's simple style of presentation so it's eventually descided that Kyo & her will do the cooking & Tohru & Yuki will deal with the cleaning which Yuki agrees to becuse cleaning is still difficult for Machi but Kyo says it's actually because no matter how much Tohru tried to train him rat boy knows he would never be able to do anything in the kitchen but burn water)

9. Kakeru teaches her the skills of 'excessive badge & sticker decorating' as well as giving eachother fake tattoos (Kisa congratulates Hiro on not saying anything rude to Yuki's girlfriend about her appreance after they first meet her)

10. Cuts her hair short (she delibretly makes it very choppy) once she enters university, where the rules are less strict about your apprence (at least it is if your at art college), & she also regulary wears diffrent coloured wigs (her favourites being a dark red one & a rainbow one) whenever she wants to temporarily change her appearance (beacuse she didn't want to commit to just one look, still wanted to have the ability to quickly "become invisable" again & she heard from Kimi that exsseive hair die-ing could permantly destroy her hair & scalp) it takes her until she's 30 to try out shaving all her hair off (she worried she'd look sick/crazy or not feminine enough) & everyone's really surppotive (though Kimi dose cry a bit, Rin & Haru aren't there when her hair is being shaved & Kyo is a slightly confused as he'd always thought women liked having longer hair then guys) especially Ritsu (who's growing out thier hair again) & they all throw her a big party (Haru & Rin are there for the party bit just not the hair removal bit because it brought up some bad memories) where Kakeru films it & posts it (with Machi's permission) & they give her cut off hair to a charity chosen by all thier followers (despite her disbelief Machi has manged to gain a small group of loyal fans from all her art stuff & her apprences on her loved ones social media), Kakeru also later uploads a video where they help Machi rainbow dye her buzz cut, (she later explores many diffrent types of buzz cut patterns such as flowers & geometric shapes but, at Kimi's insistence, gets them done by a professional)

11. She recycles & D.Y.I's like crazy (Momiji started singing Do Re Mi from The Sound Of Music after she told him that her new dress was actually made from curtains & Yuki cried when she gave him a little rat plushie made from felt, after he came clean to her about the curse)

12. She almost never wears an apron while working on her art because she likes getting messy

13. When her & Yuki go out to eat she loves things like fondoe (both the chocolate & cheese kind), eat N mess & is genreually just a fan of finger food & it becomes a tradition between her & Yuki (& later Mutsuki) to go on a stroll through the park after thier meal & (if it's autumn) look for piles of leaves to jump in (Machi & Yuki also like playing a game where they try to look for the weirdest looking leaf to give eachother & whoever wins gets to pick what they'll eat for dinner that evening & the looser has to cook it, Mutsuki is the "impartial" judge)

14. Machi is amazing at scrapbooking & collarge making (Tohru is more of a dream journal kind of girl)

15. When it's Summer her, Yuki & Mutsuki go down to the beach to see who can find the weirdest looking rocks (the less impressive ones often get used in Machi's art work, the coolest ones Mutsuki gets to keep & any that are too perfect get tossed back in the ocean & Mutsuki likes to score the splashes they make on how big/loud they are)

16. She loves helping Yuki out with gardening for lots of reasons (it's therapeutic & she loves seeing Yuki happy) but she can't deny it's also just fun getting muddy

17. Machi, thanks to Kakeru, devolpes a love of paint ball (but instead of using guns they just throw the paint at eachother like in 10 Things I Hate About You because apparently the gun pellets actually hurt) & will bring it up as an activity idea to her loved ones any chanse she gets

18. Decorates as much of her flat (& later her home with Yuki & Mutsuki) with Mogeta merchandise, random things she collects & her own art work as a big fuck you to her bitch "you have 0 personality/hobbies or talents" of a mother

19. Kisa (happily) & Hiro (reluctantly) introduce Machi to the magic of glitter

20. Machi & Rin eventually become proper friends due to bonding over being abounded by their asshole parents & one of the things they like to do together is work on thier seprete art peices while listening to music (Machi dosn't do any of her "aggressive" art, like plate smashing, around Rin though thanks to Yuki & Haru warnings)

21. When stuff gets to be too much & none of thier other coping strategies are working (like watching Mogeta stoned- which Kisa, Tohru & Momiji do not partake in) Machi & Haru bond by going to rage rooms together to destroy shit & scream (Haru obviously dosn't want Rin around for any of that though so Momiji, Tohru, Kagura or Hana will often take the opportunity to hang out with her, one time Yuki offered & it wasn't bad but it was definitely awkward as they had never really hung out without Haru before & Haru teases her for ages afterwards about her ending up liking Yuki once she actually spent some time with him which, like the precious tsundere she is, Rin will forever deny)

22. (I actually made a whole seprete post about this ages ago but now it seems to have vanished so in case other Machi fans are unable to find it l'll add it here) on the days that it's supposed to snow but dosn't Yuki takes her (& later Mutsuki) skating so she can enjoy scratching up the perfectly smooth ice (they would have gone on double dates with Tohru & Kyo if Tohru wasn't freaked out at the idea of having blades on her shoes & Kyo hadn't claimed to "not trust" ice, he's dislike comes from all the times Kagura had forced him to ice skate with her on the lake near Kazuma's place in the winter when they were kids, so they would instead go with Haru & Momiji - they had thought about going with Haru x Rin & Kakeru x Kormaki once but he proudly revealed that he'd been banned from thier local ice rink years ago for trying "perfectly safe" Olympic level stunts in he's attempt to recreate one of he's favriote episodes of Power Rangers, much to he's fiancee's anger, & Machi reminded Yuki that though Haru & Kakeru were fine with eachother Rin isn't reall able to stand Kakeru for longer than 5 minuites)

#fruits basket #headcanons #machi #machi kuragi #machi headcanons #machi kuragi headcanons #fruits basket headcanons

[honey-hippie-harper]

In-Laws Being In-Laws (Re-upload)

 Hiii!

So, this is basically an old fic, which I deleted from my other account ( @dawniebb ) and was requested to be uploaded again.

This feels like a lifetime ago afgshjka, but I remember it was written for a Renegades content swap event, and it was for @healing-winston-pratt (hello, wifey!). The prompt was, basically, Nova and one of the Renegays being in-laws, and it was super fun to write! <3

If anyone’s reading this: Hi, you’re a beautiful human being, and I love you <3

In-Laws Being In-Laws

Dear Dread Warden,

I am not quite sure you will get this message because it is been a while since I last used my communicator but, in case you do: I  hope you are having a nice morning. 

The reason I am writing you this is that, as you must already be aware, right now Sketch and his teammates are taking part in the Annual Renegade Convention as special guests to be awarded for their heroic participation in the Second Battle for Gatlon. Hence, they are out of town. Due to my temporary resignation from the team, I declined the offer to attend the event and, for instance, to receive an award. This means that, unlike theirs, my routine remains the same as usual.

Unfortunately, I must see my therapist for my weekly appointment in two hours, and after that I will have to go to the supermarket to pick up some groceries and essential items. Under normal circumstances, given the nature of my relationship with Sketch, he would have driven me to the supermarket and then back to my apartment, as it happens to be located sort of far from the store and it could be pretty difficult for me to walk while carrying all those bags. However, as mentioned before, these are not normal circumstances and Sketch is not currently available.

I reach out to you with no intention to cause trouble; for instance, if I happen to be asking too much or disrupting your schedule (As I am conscious you are a busy person) and you consider you will not be able to help me, I assure you I completely understand. But: Could you pick me up from my therapist's office and take me to the supermarket afterwards?

I apologize for the inconvenience and I promise I will make sure this does not happen again. In addition, I also apologize for the alliteration in the greeting at the beginning of this message. I did not know whether you wanted to be acknowledged by your real name or your alias.

Sincerely,

Insomnia.

-.-

Hi, Insomnia!!!

So nice to see you!... Or should I say read you! Ha! It's been so long, it almost feels like an eternity! I hope therapy is going great! (We're all really proud of you!)

It doesn't bother me at all, sweetheart; of course I'll help you with that. Could you share the location of your therapist's office, please?

Oh, and also: What time do you want me to be there? (Not that I have anything to do today, I just want to be on time).  

I'm excited to see you! Can I take you to eat something afterwards? How does that sound?

Take care!

(Agh. I forgot these things don't actually allow you to write your real  name).

-S i m o n.

(Better).

-.-

He spotted Nova way before parking. She was sitting on a bench outside the building, staring anxiously at her phone. The body language of a nervous person.

Simon stopped the car right in front of where she was, and when she realized he was already here, Nova jumped out of her seat as if it had burned her skin, before jogging in an awkward manner towards the car.

Once she was inside, Simon couldn't help but feel a twinge in his stomach. He wasn't lying when he told her he was excited to see her. In fact, he was more than excited, and he had to hold himself back pretty hard to avoid hugging her, because it was evident she didn't want to be hugged right now, for she just directed a tiny smile at him and said:

"Hi."

She was the same Nova he had met some time ago, but at the same time she was different; she was wearing sneakers, skinny jeans and a basic white v-neck shirt; her hair was a little longer, too, to the point she could tie it in a cute little ponytail; Simon could tell she wasn’t wearing any makeup, but still her face looked healthier than before; less tired, with smaller under-eye dark circles and lips covered in chapstick. Finally.

She looked alive. More than before.

“Hi.” He finally responded.

Watching people get better was always satisfactory, but watching Nova get better was different. He had grown to appreciate her, since the very first moment he saw her with Adrian; since the very first moment he spoke to her and saw nothing but utter heartbreak in her eyes. Nova was hurting, and any sensitive person would’ve noticed that. So, watching her get better was a touching experience for him.

“You look so…”

Nova interrupted him almost immediately.

“I know. I...I barely had time to fix my hair. Gosh. It’s so uncomfortable and I want to cut it but I haven’t had time. I…”

“Oh, no, no, no! Your hair looks gorgeous! “ He chuckled, although he was confused by her reaction. “I was gonna say you look really good. Really, really good. The ponytail looks great on you.”

Nova gulped as she adjusted said ponytail.

“Oh.” She muttered in a hoarse voice. “...Well...Thank you. I thought…”

“No, no.” Simon waved his hand. “You look great. How.... how are you?”

She seemed to be processing the question, even though it was not that difficult.

“I’m…” Nova cleared her throat. “I’m doing great. How are you? How’s ...life going?”

“Absolutely great!” Simon smiled, clapping his hands together. “Things at home are great. You know, Hugh’s not currently here due to the Annual Renegade Convention. Adrian’s not here either (for sure, you already know about that) and Max…”

“Max went too, yeah.” Nova smiled. Her eyes seemed to brighten to the mention of Max’s name. Adrian had mentioned this fact about her a couple of times: Nova was fond of children. And even if she wasn’t, she had a tendency to protect and care about them. Since she had this type of strong personality, Hugh refused to recognize that as a truth, but Simon had no trouble believing it.

It was adorable.

“He called me when he got the invitation. He was eager to go.” She continued. “Which doesn’t surprise me. I...It’s his first time travelling, right?”

“Oh, yeah.” Responded Simon. “We’re planning to go on vacation this year. Because, you know, the convention’s being held not too far away from Gatlon and sadly he’s probably gonna get bored.”

“Bored?” Nova shifted herself in the seat, awkwardly. “Why?”

“Well...those conventions are...well, conventions.” Simon shrugged, smiling at her. “There are a lot of speeches, one after the other and, sure, the guests that represent Gatlon can skip some of them, but others are mandatory and they’re like 2 hours long and it’s so boring and…”

Nova hissed, grimacing, to which Simon nodded in agreement.

“I’m glad I didn’t have to go.” He admitted. “Though I do wanted to be there when Adrian and Max received their award. Too sad.”

Nova tried to speak a couple of times, until she finally had found the correct words to said her thoughts out loud.

“Why...why didn’t you go, then?”

“About that.” Simon chuckled. “Tamaya is going to be there too, as a speaker. And she’s also receiving an award. So...somebody had to take care of the Headquarters and Kasumi and I were left with that responsibility. However, it’s been pretty peaceful, as you may have noticed.”

“I have.” Nova nodded. “Not that I...go out very much, but yeah. Things have been calm.”

“People are behaving for once. And it’s awesome.” he sighed.

Then they stayed in silence. For a while.

Nova stared out the window, avoiding eye contact, while Simon whistled as he tapped his fingers on the wheel.

Not a word. No small talk.

Nothing.

“Sooooo…” Said Simon. “Shall we go?”

“Perhaps we should.” Nova said, immediately, as a flash of relief crossed her face.

So Simon smiled at her once again as he turned on the engine, while Nova put on her seatbelt next to him.

-.-

It took her so little time to come back Simon confirmed she was one of those people who would strategically write their shopping list so they wouldn’t be going back and forth through the aisles. It also surprised him that, being a person so young, she was so...focused on everything.

She really had only bought groceries and essential items. No junk food. No silly things she swore she would need and then she didn’t. Not even candy from the checkout area.

Simon hurried himself out of the car to help her put the bags in the trunk, but once she saw him and guessed his intentions, she quickly said:

“It’s okay. I can do it.”

“I know you can.” He clarified. Because, well, she indeed was a strong person. “But maybe you could use some help. That’s...a couple of bags.”

“Yeah. I know.” Nova nodded, already carrying the first two of the bags. “But I can do it. Please. I’m already causing you too much trouble.”

Simon was yet again confused by her reaction, and he tried to talk to her about it. But just like Nova looked like she didn’t want to be hugged right now, she also looked like she didn’t want to talk about it right now.

So he just opened the trunk for her and held it in case it would go down by its own. It had never happened, but just to be sure. Sometimes Simon’s anxiety made him overanalyze some situations.

Less than 10 minutes had passed by the time Nova finished putting all her stuff in the car, Simon figured she was still training, since she was as agile and fast as she was the day she notified them she would be taking some time off from the team and the Renegades in general.

They got in the car again, and before the silence could get as uncomfortable as the previous one, Simon took the initiative to speak.

“I think...you forgot to answer a part of my message.” He said, carefully. “You know...the part where I told you that maybe we could...go to a restaurant or something?”

Nova’s face, ears and neck turned so red she became a human-shaped cherry, and although in other circumstances he would’ve considered it adorable, this time he couldn’t help but feel sympathy for her. He had been there and done that many times; the messages Nova had sent were peak odd. The type of messages one would overthink over and over again because they had to be perfect. And if something, anything sounded off after you sent it, your world would be in shambles.

So he just smiled to assure it was okay. That he didn’t mind. That those messages didn’t have to be so formal in the first place.

And that, obviously, didn’t work.

For his experience, it never did.

“I...I...Yeah.” Nova scratched her brow. “Pretty much I...I...can recall not knowing how to word that so I just left it blank and I...must’ve forgotten to…”

“Nova.” Simon said, softly. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”

“Did I...offend you or something?”

“Absolutely no!” He said. “Why would you think that? It’s just a slip. I know it wasn’t your intention and to be honest I still want to take you to eat something so...yeah, there’s no reason to get weird about this. There’s no need to worry.”

Nova took a deep, hasty breath. She was flustered, son Simon tried to keep her calm; to make her feel like she was in a safe environment.

Why wouldn’t she be, in the first place?

She was his son’s girlfriend.

Why would he want to hurt her or make her feel bad?

“Nova, darling.” He said again. “Do you have something on your mind?”

“I do.” Nova cleared her throat, crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t really...can eat out right now. I barely manage to afford my groceries, you know? It’s been…”

“But you’re not gonna pay your own bill. I mean, why would you do that?” Simon raised an eyebrow at her, genuinely confused, but still laughing nervously. Sweet rot, who had hurt this child so much? “ I’m the one who’s taking you to eat. You wouldn’t have to…”

“You don’t have to either!” She snapped. Not mad, but rather distressed, while breathing heavily.

Simon went still, afraid he would make it worse. Still, he couldn’t leave it like that, so he gulped and, once he reunited enough courage, he dared to speak again.

“What’s really on your mind, Nova?” He asked, this time in a more soothing voice. Nova’s whole being went red again, but the shadow of confusion in her expression was noticeable and hard to ignore. For this reason, Simon decided to provide some kind of scaffolding.

“For example: Why would you write a message that is directed to me in such a formal way?” He asked, patiently. “Why would you ask me to pick you up as if you were asking me to help you commit a crime? Why would you act so uncomfortable around me when it’s not the first time that we’ve met? Why would you…?”

“Because it’s you.” Nova answered, avoiding eye contact.

And he expected that answer, yes. But, at the same time, he expected to understand the statement once it slipped out of her mouth.

However, he didn’t.

“Can you elaborate?” He requested.

Nova clicked her tongue as she rubbed her neck, staring at the dash right in front of her.

“...I can disappear if you want me to. Would that make you feel more comfortable?”

“No. No, no.” Nova nodded, waving her hands, finally looking at him. “That won’t be necessary.”

“Then...would you tell me what’s wrong?”

Nova thought about it. She squirmed in her seat. Gulped. Coughed. Squirmed again.

Then, playing with her own hands, she spoke.

“...I’m ashamed.”

“Ashamed of what…?” Simon tilted his head to the side. “Ashamed of who…? What exactly are you ashamed of? ...Dating Adrian?”

Nova flinched.

“I would never.”

A spark of pride illuminated his thoughts and his insides in general, but Simon tried to pay little attention to it.

“I’m just...ashamed. Of everything.” Nova said, sighing. “I…”

And she cut herself in the middle of the phrase, realizing that once again she wouldn’t be able to finish it.

Simon didn’t realize he was frowning until he felt the muscles of his face slowly giving in. He understood.

And he knew that anything that had happened during the Second Battle for Gatlon had been her fault. She might have contributed in some way but, at the end of the day, she was just a child.

A very confused and manipulated child who just needed someone to listen without twisting her words as they pleased.

“...I just think that...if I were you I wouldn’t like me either.” She wasn’t crying, nor did she sound like she was about to any time soon. There was so much resignation in her voice that her words weighted as much as a giant rock. “Hugh gave me his blessing to...you know, date Adrian…”

“I can recall giving you my blessing too.”

Nova tripped on her own words.

“I mean, you did. You both did.” She said. “But still… It’s because… because you want him to be happy. And I get it. I really do. And I understand because, like I said, I wouldn’t like me either...I know I am loved. I know I matter for some people...but I also know I did...bad things, and I carry this sort of cursed last name…”

She stopped and breathed for a second before continuing.

“And I…” She finally looked at him. “I get it. You don’t have to pretend you like me, after all that happened. After I stole stuff from your house; infiltrated into your system; caused a terrorist attack...You really don’t have to pretend.”

Simon blinked, and if it wasn’t for her specific and controlled body language, he would’ve thought she was making excuses or even joking.

But Nova was telling the truth.

And it was heartbreaking.

“Perhaps you should think outside the box and picture a scenario in which you realize we’re not pretending.” That’s the only thing he said.

“Perhaps you should realize that we love you and you matter to us.” He reached for her hand and softly touched her knuckles. Her hands were shaking. “And that, yes, we want Adrian to be happy, but we also want you to be happy.”

Nova’s eyes seemed to be covered in crystals, but she remained in silence.

“You’re part of this family now, Nova.” He smiled. “And I’m sorry, but you’ll have to deal with that.”

Nova sniffed, swallowing, while lacing her hand into Simon’s.

“Artino and everything?” She muttered.

“Artino it’s not what defines you.” Simon chuckled. “You’re Nova. Just Nova... And we’re really proud of you. Not ashamed.”

She smiled back at him, wordless, and Simon gave her a quick handshake before putting his hands around the wheel.

Because even now, that her walls were crumbling right before her eyes, she didn’t look like someone who wanted to be hugged at the moment, and he accepted and respected that.

“I was planning to take you to my favorite restaurant, but maybe we can prepare a homemade meal instead?” He suggested. “You know? In-laws being in-laws? … Not to brag, but I make the best lemon pie in the world.”

Nova chuckled. Relaxed.

Happy.

“Sounds great.” She said, nodding.

“Excellent.” Simon turned on the engine.

“Let’s go home.”

#renegades trilogy #marissa meyer #dawnie writes #Simon Westwood #The Dread Warden #Nova Artino #Insomnia #Dawnie re-uploads saga #i love being a clown #no nomás tengo la cara de pendeja también soy JAJAJAJAJAJAJAAJAJAJA #this was before hcttr ruined my life #good times

[threewaysdivided]

I was screaming when I saw the update notification in my inbox! (And I might have done a little embarrassing dance, too). Every part of this chapter was well worth the wait! The tone and plot read like something you would find in S1 of YJ, and I loved every minute of it! I have to say, one of my favorite moments was when Phantom accidentally gave everyone a brainfreeze 🤣 That was unexpected, but definitely added some levity to the situation haha! Thank you for the excellent chapter dear author!

Thank you so much! The number of people who've told me they yelled/ gasped/ jumped or otherwise went absolute wiggly bonkers on seeing the update note for Deathly Weapons Chapter 18 has been utterly delightful. After so long I was mostly expecting to be met with a mix of crickets and "oh huh. guess you're not dead then. cool".

Hopefully 21K worth of mission is sufficient apology for my frankly overlong absence.

There was a time when this fic had a regular upload schedule but these days I feel like I've evolved into an odd sort of cryptid. The Loch Ness monster's saltier cousin who occasionally whale-breaches out of the lake to canonball novella-length updates into the water before disappearing back down into the murky depths of container gardening and writing analysis from whence I came.

I've been really gratified to hear so many people say the Black Gold mission felt like it could be a proper YJS1 episode. Arc II is definitely where YJ:DW swings more Young Justice story-wise and it's sort of my little love letter to Season 1 so it's nice to know that I'm coming somewhere within swinging distance of capturing that style.

I'm also glad this one seems to be carrying itself pretty well as a semi-self-contained plot - I was kind of worried that it was going to be a bit of a wet fish to drop after 2 years of silence. Don't get me wrong, Chapter 18 is doing important structural things but (to me, at least) it's not as significant to the characters or long-term plot as the missions I have planned to follow it (ironically contributing to the catch-22 of it taking so long to write).

One of my favorite moments was when Phantom accidentally gave everyone a brainfreeze

Fun fact: that odd little scene of telepathic tomfoolery came about mostly because I wanted to set up Wally calling Phantom "an actual headache to work with" in a later chapter. Behold the lengths I am willing to go to for absolute nonsense!

While I wouldn't call Black Gold an especially funny chapter on the whole there were definitely some little bits that were just plain fun to write. Top picks include:

Sphere rattled her plates in a way that made it clear she felt she was being babied.

“Uh, yeah, just… have you ever cut through a construction yard after dark?” - the Boy Wonder’s affirmatory noise was echoed by Artemis - “Well now imagine it’s full of people who want to kill you.”

Wally attempted a suave lean as the men slid to the ground.  “These guys bothering you?”

Just for a moment, he considered that he might be insane.

“Wasn’t he tied to a table?” “Yeah, and?” the speedster gave a magnificent shrug.  “He still is.”

“Besides,” Kid Flash shrugged the item on experimentally, colour eye-watering against his stealth-suit, “you know me: moves like a shadow.”

Can you tell that I just really, really like writing Wally?

also this one:

“Maybe you should re-re-count. You know, make sure you’ve got your facts straight?”

which isn't all that funny but tickles me because oh the shade, the backhandedness of it all.

In somewhat related news, I am very excited now because Chapter 18 being done means I get to move onto Chapters 19 - 21, a trinity which astute readers may recognise as Flashpoints, Combustion and Equilibrium aka that Wally-heavy trinity whose outline I've been going nuts over for literal years.

And also: it's already got a rough outline! Which, with luck means I might take less than 20% of a decade to get it to you. Golly, imagine that!

Hope you'll come along to see 💜

#young justice: deathly weapons #young justice #danny phantom #Chapter 18 #Black Gold #anonymous #doodly-doop #3WD Answers #I had so many crises of confidence writing Chapter 18 #there were so many elements that had terrifyingly botch-able potential #glad it turned out well for everyone #feels kind of silly in hindsight but there you have it #I am so hyped to get to the next three chapters you have no idea #despite what they might lead you to believe Wally is actually one of my favourite characters #he has an amazing capacity to carry absolute narrative nonsense without it ever feeling out of place #this is a boy with his heart on his sleeve his foot perpetually in his mouth and absolutely NO capacity to pull off suave-on-purpose #I love one (1) wildly irritating redheaded child

[euphoriara]

By Your Side

you turned up with casual clothing the next day. and the first time he saw you with normal clothing, he could only stare with his mouth agape, like a fish out of water. you look smaller with the oversized sweatshirt, hair styled naturally instead of the usual professional look you go for. you're also slightly shorter since you forego the boots you usually wear for a pair of comfortable sneakers. the only thought that ran through his head at the time was "find you a woman who can do both." 

alternatively

you just want to get your job done, but it seems like jungkook is determined to get in your way (and steal a spot in your heart in the process).

pairing: jungkook x bodyguard!reader

genre: action, fluff, tiny pieces of angst sprinkled throughout, bodyguard!au

word count: 22k

warnings: swearing, violence, weapons, abduction, implied/reference to sleeping pills, politics. (it sounds like a lot but it's not too much, promise. they're mostly at the first half of the story)

a/n: ahahahaha hey, i deleted the first part and decided to re-upload it as one part bc posting the second part was giving me a headache so here it is as a one piece instead. apologies to the people who read it before, there was like 7, im sorry lol. hope you can find it again since the first part left at a cliffhanger im so sorry. i still suck at summary but like at this point who's surprised anymore. but here it is, the longest thing ive ever written probably. to the people reading, thank you for giving it a chance, i appreciate it a whole lot, have a good day!

the cold air causes jungkook to nuzzle deeper into his sweatshirt, pulling up the hood to maintain his body temperature. outside of the convenience store, the busy street has started to wind down, only a few stragglers walking home from a long day at work. he pulls up his mask to cover more of his face, gripping the bag of snacks tighter to his body before opening the door. 

when he steps outside, he's too busy ruffling through his snacks to realize there's someone sitting at the plastic chair in front of the store, who quickly stood up when they saw him making his way out. it isn't until he feels the slightest press of cold metal against his back that he realizes something is definitely wrong. 

"just pretend like nothing's going on, walk normally and i won't hurt you." the girl is just as tall as him, whispering the muffled threat right into his ear so nobody else can hear it. from outside perspective, it might look like just two friends catching up with each other, with the girl having an arm slung over his shoulder from behind while her other hand concealed a dagger behind his back.  

he quickly schools his expression into a mask of calm, though his mind is racing with how to escape this situation. he follows her instructions when she subtly shoves a knee to his thigh, signaling him to walk with her. "if you want money, i can give it to you right now. don't hurt me, i promise i won't tell anyone." 

the girl scoffs next to his ear, "be quiet, I'm not letting you go. just listen to me and you won't get hurt. i said that already." 

jungkook tries to hide the tremble in his hand by holding the bags tighter, nodding in response because he's too scared to talk. he's worried if he does try to talk, a sob might escape. 

the girl shifts so she's walking by his side, arm with the weapon now wrapped around his waist, playing into the illusion of a couple taking a walk together. 

unfortunately for jungkook, they didn't encounter anyone on their walk. nobody that he can signify to ask for help.

she leads him into an alleyway, and that's when jungkook's legs start to shake as well, causing him to lag behind. fear starts to course through his veins faster, heart beating a mile a minute.

he sees the girl raises one of her perfect eyebrow, eyes impassively staring at him. the rest of her face is concealed with a mask, just like him and she wears a baseball hat to hide the rest of her hair. "for fuck sake, i told you already I'm not gonna hurt you. you don't have to worry about your pretty little face, alright?" her tone is annoyed, patience clearly running out and jungkook just nods, afraid he might set her off if he doesn't. 

he will himself to walk normally again when he sees another person emerges from one of the dark corners of the alley. a male and he's holding a gun, he realizes right away. he can't help himself when he audibly gulps at the sight of the weapon, fear rooting him in his place, unable to move. 

"don't worry, he's just a precaution so you won't try to run away. we're not stupid." the girl tries to reassure him but all he could think about is the gun that the male has shoved into his jacket pocket. 

they walk by his side now, and with the assurance of a gun, the girl pulls back her knife and shoves it into her pants pocket. jungkook tries to will his mind into coming up with a plan, but he's too scared to try anything with a threat of a gun next to him. 

he scans his surrounding area, but couldn't find any loophole for him to make his escape. they eventually make it into the other side of the road where a black SUV is waiting. she opens the door of the car and gestures with her head, "get in." 

he hesitates in his steps, if he climbs inside, there might not be a chance to escape anymore. 

"i said get in, I'm not asking again." he feels the press of a gun on his lower back and decides to listen. he climbs into the car where somebody is already waiting at the driver seat. another person is sitting next to him, possibly to prevent him from jumping out of the car. 

the male from before hops in next to him, while the girl climbs into the passenger seat in front. 

he takes the down time to memorize details, not that there's many, since everyone in the car, including him are wearing a mask to cover their face and a hat, and have their hood up. each person only reveals a sliver of their eyes, hair hidden away by the hood of their jackets, and hands covered with leather gloves. their whole person is covered by clothing, making sure no skin is exposed.

when the car starts pulling out of the side of the road, the person next to him dangles a black cloth in front of his face. "now jeon jungkook, we need to cover your eyes and tied up your hands to make sure you don't become a loose ends." he faces the girl next to him, her voice is deceptively sweet and jungkook can't tell if she's faking it or not. despite not being able to see her face, he knows she's smiling from the way her eyes crinkle and the revelation brought a shiver up his spine. 

the driver chuckles, causing jungkook to whip his head to stare at them on the reflection of the mirror.

they made a brief eye contact when the person looks back, holding his gaze in curiosity before his vision becomes dark. 

he feels the male next to him shift, taking the bag from his trembling hands and tying his wrists with a cloth. he gives it a few tugs and when he's satisfied, he moves back to rest against the seat. "don't worry 'bout your snacks, pretty boy. I'll keep them safe." his voice is deep, raspy, amusement clear as day. 

he drawled out his words, a clear sign that he's relaxed. jungkook thinks it's unrelatable. 

the whole ride was silent, except for the music playing from the radio. jungkook tries his best to listen to his surroundings in hopes of being able to find clues of where they're taking him. but alas, the sound of the music is loud enough to drown out any other noises. he tries to focus on the direction of the car, tracing it inside his mind from the starting point when he got into the car. 

however, it seems like his captors knew this because jungkook can tell they've been driving aimlessly for the past 20 minutes or so. it's not until 10 minutes later jungkook hears the difference in the road they're driving. briefly, the car drove through gravels before smoothly going back to pavement. and then going back to driving through dirt road.

at this point, jungkook has lost any sense of direction and has no idea where he is and where they're taking him, so he slumps against the seat, trying to come up with something else. he doesn't know what they want with him.

well, he does have an inkling about what they want. 

another 10 minutes later, and the car finally stop. he hears the door being opened and closed, feels the people next to him climb out of the vehicle. except, he stays rooted to his spot, not knowing what to do since nobody instructed him to get out. 

then, a hand reaches out to him, causing him to flinch when he feels someone grabbing his arm. "chill, it's me, come on. get out." it's the guy from before, tugging him by his sweatshirt. 

he feels the gravel beneath his shoes which turn into soft grass after a few steps. when he steps inside the building, the first thing he notices is the smell. smell of old, rotting wood and dust. 

somebody yanks the black cloth off his head, revealing an old empty warehouse with a chair in the middle. that's where he'll be spending his time, he guesses. 

he hears the crinkling of his bag from the side, looking to see the guy from before dumping his snacks into the table next to the window. "minhee, tie him to the chair. I'm just gonna take a look at his taste in snacks." 

the girl who threatened him steps forward, shoving him in the direction of the chair. "sit here, pretty boy." 

the driver from before brushes past his side before he got the chance to move, murmuring, "please don't worry. we're not gonna hurt you. i promise." oddly enough, jungkook believes her. 

after the reassurance from someone he doesn't even know, he complies with the girl, that he now know as minhee. for the first time in the last hour, jungkook finally opens his mouth. "are you not worried about revealing your name like that?" 

minhee raises her eyebrow and scoffs, husky voice laced with amusement, "if it's not safe then do you think he'd have said it?" she yanks the rope around his wrist harshly, "i told you, we're not stupid." she doesn't elaborate, not like jungkook was expecting her to. 

"haeun, did you queue the message?" she turns to look at the girl who sat next to him, the one with the terrifyingly sweet voice. a cheery voice replies from somewhere in the warehouse, "yup! all set. he'll receive the message first thing in the morning!" 

"and did you take care of any possible recording or evidence?" he sees the guy opening one of his chips, turning away from him to pull down his mask to pop a few into his mouth. his voice sounds clearer without the barrier of the mask. 

the sweet one, haeun, scoffs, "what do you think of me, yoongi? an amateur?" he sees yoongi shrugs, "I'm just making sure. no need to be salty 'bout it." 

jungkook is thoroughly confused, why are they using their name so freely like that? are they not worried he'll tell authority about them? though judging from what minhee said, they have reasons to not be worried. he wonders what that means. 

a new voice pipes up from one of the doorways, the girl who drove the SUV. she's the one that hasn't had a name associated with her yet. "yoongi, don't forget to feed him and give him some water." 

yoongi turns around, mask now back in place, and frowns. he sighs loudly before grabbing a container and a water bottle from a bag he didn't notice before. "I don't understand why I'm stuck with the babysitting duty." 

"oh shut up, all you gotta do is feed the kid. it's not that hard of a job." minhee snarks from where she's sitting near the window, eyes glued at the phone in her hand. 

"the kid's hands are tied, how's he gonna eat and drink?" yoongi ignores her, making his way in front of jungkook. "i told you, you feed him." driver says, clearly amused at the way yoongi grumbles and complains. 

begrudgingly, yoongi opens the bottle and tilts it towards jungkook, telling him wordlessly to drink. obviously, jungkook hesitates. what if the drink is poisoned?

the driver answers his question without him having to voice it out loud, "it's not poisoned. we're just trying to keep you away from dehydration and starvation." 

he looks up at yoongi, who has one dark eyebrow raised in question, before deciding to trust her again. seeing how they have kept their promise of not hurting him, he doesn't see why he can't accept the food and water.

yoongi makes him finish the whole bottle of water before feeding him pieces of kimbap. offhandedly, he thinks the kimbap is delicious. so much so that he's tempted to ask his captors where they got them from before resisting the urge to open his mouth and make a fool out of himself.

when he's done eating, yoongi goes back to the table with his snacks, once again facing away from jungkook to probably finish the rest of the chips he opened. the driver speaks up again from where she's standing, now perched next to the snacks table with her hip resting against the side. "don't worry too much, you'll be home in no time and we really do have no intention to hurt you. you're just…" she trails off and stares outside the window. 

"a helping hand to get us what we need." 

and then it clicked in jungkook's mind. he was right, these people wanted money and holding him hostage is a quick and surefire way of getting it. clearing his throat, he decides to brave himself and ask for confirmation himself. "what do you want from me?" he holds the stare of the girl, curious and amused eyes staring back at him. 

it's minhee who answers his question, "it's not what we want from you. it's what we want from your father." she stands up from her seat and sends a cold glare his way. 

"money." 

---

"Good morning Governor Jeon! What a lovely day today, isn't it? What a shame your son isn't able to see the sun himself today! But, don't fret, we can surely change that.

Now, Governor Jeon, all we ask from you is your cooperation and we won't hurt your precious son. Cross our hearts! We know how much you love him, so please don't worry too much. You just have to listen and comply. 

Our only demand is, you guess it! Money! We want $5,000,000 in cash, delivered at an address we'll send to you after confirmation that you had prepared the money. After you give us what we want, we'll send you a location where you can find your lovely boy. He's quite a charmer, isn't he? And his taste in snacks is pretty good, if I say so myself. Sour cream and onion potato chip is delicious.

I must remind you however, do not try to get any authority involved or we can not promise your son will return unharmed. Do not try to trick or fool us, Governor Jeon, we have eyes on you and a gun in the same room as your son. 

We know you're fully capable of giving us what we want so no negotiations, I'm afraid. Once the money reaches the location, open the bag and show us that you're not fooling us and then leave the premises and do not return back. Do not send anyone either or you won't get your son's location.

Now, as I've made clear before, if you or anyone else for that matter, violates one of the rules I've set in this message, I'm afraid your son will have to pay for that Governor Jeon. We would hate for that to happen, wouldn't we?

Anyway, you have 24 hours, starting from the moment you close this message.

Say Governor Jeon, isn't it lucky that the people that got your son are kind people who won't hurt him? Well this time at least. You should up your security around him, don't you think? It was quite easy for our people to get to him. What if somebody else got him again, but they're not as nice as us? You and him would be in big trouble, huh? Consider this as a friendly reminder from friends to friends, yeah?

Lovely time talking to you Governor Jeon! Hopefully we'll see you soon! Here's to no one getting hurt! Wait for our information!

---

jungkook quickly fell asleep last night after finishing his kimbap. it's no brainer since by the time he got to the warehouse, it must have been along the time of 1 in the morning. 

he woke up uncomfortable, back and neck complaining at the awkward angle he had to sleep in. there's a shuffling sound close to him and when he turns his head around, he sees yoongi, with new clothes but still covered from head to toe, walking towards him with another container of food. 

wordlessly, he opens the box, revealing a stack of pancakes with a side of fruits and a bottle of orange juice. he muses that at least they give him good food and one that's appropriate with the time of day. silently, he starts eating the food offered to him, eyes occasionally scanning over the room. though there's really not much to see.

the warehouse is empty save from a few scattered chairs, and a table. he notices the window from last night had been covered this morning, no natural light coming through the gaps. the only source of lightning is the few lightbulbs scarcely hang around the room.

there's a few doors to his right, but he couldn't see what's beyond it. although he can faintly hear the sounds of keyboards clicking from one of the doors, so he guess that's their temporary workspace for now. 

"what time is it right now?" he asks after finishing the last of his orange juice. "almost 10 in the morning. here's to hoping your father fulfill his end of the deal, huh?" there's an underlying threat laced around his playful remarks and jungkook can only sigh at the statement. 

"hopefully, i have assignments to finish and essays to write." at this, yoongi laugh, low and deep. "you sound much more composed than last night." 

that's true, jungkook is a lot calmer now, talking about this whole situation like it's a minor convenience. but it's because he trusts that these people genuinely won't hurt him or they would have done so by now. also because he knows one way or another, his father will somehow get him out of here. 

yoongi seems like he's expecting an answer from him, so he truthfully tells him his reasons. despite not being able to see his lower face, jungkook can tell he's smirking after he finished relaying his thoughts. "yeah well, maybe you should worry. we can't promise we'll let you go unharmed if he doesn't comply." 

that brought his thoughts to a screeching halt, doubts and fears starting to plague his mind again. "we did promise not to hurt you, but only if you and your father listen to our demands. so your second statement is still up in the air. there's no 'one way or another" jeon, there's only one way if you want to get out safely." 

one statement and his facade of bravado crumbles. what if his father doesn't comply? what if he makes a mistakes? what will happen to him? what will they do? 

before he can scares himself further, minhee calls out for yoongi from the other room. 

"that's my cue, be patient, pretty boy. you'll be out of here soon." even in the haze of his anxiety, he can't help but frown at the nickname. "stop calling me that." 

"whatever you say, pretty boy." he hears yoongi's footsteps fade, and sighs to himself again. he cuss himself for forgetting his phone at his coffee table last night, and tries to move his wrists to see if he can loosen the tie. 

unfortunately for him, the knot is too strong. so strong that he thinks it might be the impossible knot. he scans the room for any sign of weapons, only to come up empty. which means two things. one, his captors have all the weapons. and two, he won't be able to defend himself even if he got loose. 

he hears a slight commotion from one of the rooms on his right. a second later, yoongi emerges, walking slowly towards him with his hands inside his pockets. "guess your father cares after all." before jungkook gets the chance to ask him what he means, he feels his eyes getting heavy, mind hazy, unable to fight it when his senses become dull.

"sorry 'bout that." and then everything becomes dark once again.

---

jungkook wakes up to a hand gently tapping his cheeks and a mean cramp in his neck. he slowly blinks his eyes open to see a stranger in a uniform crouching in front of him. when the stranger sees that he's awake, he's quick to gesture other people to start working on his bind, loosening the tight ropes around his wrists and legs. 

"Mr.Jeon? Can you hear me?" he blearily nods at the question, mind too hazy to start speaking just yet. he slowly looks around the room to see crowds of people searching the perimeter. he doesn't see any signs of his captors however, which probably meant that they got away after rendering him unconscious. 

he's lead to a Lexus RX that's parked outside of the warehouse, but not before being bombarded with questions from what he assumed are the paramedics. he tells them that he's fine and that they hadn't hurt him. they run a quick check on him and seem to be satisfied by his answer, letting him climb into the familiar leather of the car.

he tells the driver to drive him to his apartment, head heavily resting against the cushion of the car, "but Mr.Jeon, your father wanted to see you." 

"tell him I'll meet him when i can, right now i just want to go home and rest properly." he doesn't want to deal with his father just yet, not knowing how he's gonna react. would it be anger? concern? indifference? he tries not to think about it too much. 

thankfully his driver listened, sensing the exhaustion rolling off his being, and drove him straight to his apartment without any more questions. 

he slams the door and make sure to check that it's locked before going around his apartment to make sure it's safe. he double checks every window and room, a slight anxiety still lingering at the back of his mind. he makes his way towards the bathroom, planning on taking a shower to rid him of the heavy weight pulling his limbs down. 

on his way to the bathroom, he sees his phone lights up from where it's perched on the coffee table. curious, he snatches the phone to check the message. it's from an unknown number.

"Hey! What did we tell you, we won't hurt you right? We kept our promise! Just messaging you to tell you that Yoongi's sorry about the orange juice. We needed you to be unaware of what we were doing while we were preparing for your retrieval. Oh, and also tell your father to not investigate further too. Or something unpleasant might work it's way to your building. We wouldn't want that, do we? 

And don't even try to track this message, you won't find anything. I guarantee. I'm good at my job. Anyway, don't forget to close your windows and lock your doors, wouldn't want a repeat of last night huh? Alright have a good day now Jungkook!

-Haeun"

he doesn't realize he's trembling until the phone almost slips out of his grasp, the taunts only adding to the growing anxiety at the back of his mind. the fact that she's brave enough to send a message to his phone, with yoongi's and her name in it means she's confident that they can't and won't be tracked. imagining the sweet voiced girl brought another shiver up his spine. he doesn't know why but haeun terrifies him. 

he decides to delete the message and try to forget about the event from the last 24 hours, making a beeline towards the bathroom where he hopefully can wash off the reminder of the exhausting night. 

once he's refreshed from his shower, he flops onto his bed and stares at the ceiling on top of him. he tries to rearrange the chaotic thoughts inside his mind. 

concerningly, he thinks, he's not necessarily afraid of his captors from last night. maybe it's from the way they repeatedly assure him that they're not gonna hurt him. or from the way they fed him actual food, delicious one at that, and water. 

no, it's the thought that he's a pawn in this game that terrifies him. the fact that he's stuck in this game of politics, money and power all because his father is the governor. the thought of being taken by another group that won't be as merciful is scary. years have gone by with his father involved in the politic scene but his family had never been threatened before. should he start worrying now? 

before he can overthink like he usually does, the phone in his hand ping with another message. it's his father, asking for him to meet tomorrow to talk. closing his eyes, he sighs, shooting a quick agreement before trying to fall asleep to the sound of rain that starts pouring outside. 

---

the next day finds him sitting in front of his father, fidgeting hands placed on his lap. his father doesn't mention anything, doesn't ask about what had transpired that night. jungkook can't help but think that his father had changed. 

"i will be assigning you a bodyguard from now on, to ensure your safety." so there won't be a repeat of last time. "she will be with you at all times, except for when you're at home. and even then she will be staying at the apartment in front of yours so you can easily ask for her assistance. you are not permitted to leave and go anywhere without her. understand?" i will not let you cost me my reputation and money again.

his voice is cold, authoritative, daring jungkook to disagree with him. 

jungkook bows his head low, muttering, "i understand," without making eye contact with the man in front of him. one he's not sure he recognized anymore.

"call her in." 

jungkook hears the door open, two people coming in to stand next to his father. he sees you facing him and looks away before you can catch him staring at you. 

"her name is (y/n)." you bow your head in his direction, face carefully blank when you look up again. your hair is styled neatly, suits tailored to fit. "it's nice to meet you Mr.Jeon." he blinks at your voice, not expecting you to speak to him. "oh! uh, nice to meet you too." 

his father claps once to bring the attention back to him, "alright, you're dismissed, you can leave now." 

he quickly stands up, bowing at his father before making a quick exit. the room feels suffocating and cold. he hears you trailing behind him but doesn't turn around until he's in the elevator, going down. 

he debates on how to start a conversation with you, but you beat him to the punch. "no need to worry about making pleasantries with me Mr.Jeon. you can pretend that I'm just a shadow following you." he turns to see you with a slight smile on your face, before trailing his gaze to the holster strapped underneath your suit jacket. 

"right…" he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, "you can call me jungkook. no need to address me so formally like that." 

he sees you nod in confirmation before falling back into awkward silence. for him, at least, it's awkward. but you seem content with it. 

he walks toward the awaiting car in front of the building, his father had sent someone to drive him around in the meanwhile, not yet allowing him to leave on his own. "i heard you're moving to the apartment in front of mine?" he hesitantly asks when you settle into the seat next to him in the car. 

"yes i am. my belongings are being moved right now, actually. i will settle in tomorrow." he nods at your answer. "so, you'll be with me for," he frowns, "24 hours?" 

"not necessarily, i won't be intruding on your personal space that is your apartment, but i will be accompanying you whenever you go outside."

"including university?" he doesn't think he likes the sound of that.

you purse your lips sympathetically, "I'm afraid so." 

he stays quiet after that, looking out the window at the passing scenery to distract himself. he doesn't know what to think of this whole situation. in one hand, he's slightly relieved at the extra protection but on the other hand he's slightly uncomfortable at the thought of being followed everywhere he goes. at least, he thinks, he still has his home as his personal space.

a few minutes pass by in silence before jungkook feels you shifting next to him, body leaning forward to talk to the driver. "someone is tailing the car." 

he guesses you have intended to whisper as to not worry him, but he hears you anyway. body immediately going rigid, he moves to look at you anxiously. "what?"

you lean back after the driver nodded, sending a curt nod his way, "a car has been following us ever since we left your father's building. we will try to shake them off before reaching your apartment." jungkook feels the car turning into a busy highway, now surrounded by more cars than before.

he anxiously glances between you and the rearview mirror, trying to find the car you're talking about, but with various cars in the highway, he can't tell which one is following him. you seem to understand what he's trying to do, "black honda accord." 

he briefly sees the car you're talking about before it slips past him and speeds up, leaving him confused in his seat. when he turns to look at you, he realizes he's not the only one confused by the turn of events. you frown at the fading car, before blinking your expression back into a state of neutral. 

"why did they just, leave? what do they want?" he asks, breaking the tense silence between you. "I'm afraid i don't know either jungkook. don't worry, i have their plates memorized, I'll make sure to tell your father about it." 

the statement doesn't comfort him all that much, but he chooses to stay quiet. soon enough, he reaches his apartment building. he had always thought his apartment is safe, located in a building with strict security, but that doesn't make being followed home any less scary.

when you step out, you make sure to asses the surrounding area first, making sure nobody is following the two of you. once he reaches his apartment door, he asks you one last question. "do i have to call you when i want to go to the convenience store too?" 

he sees a slight amused smile pulling at the corner of your lips, "with all due respect jungkook, it was going into the convenience store by yourself that got you into trouble, so yes, i will be accompanying you to the convenience store too." 

embarrassed, he quickly nods and opens his door, bidding you a good night before disappearing into his apartment. he makes sure to check his whole space again, locking the doors and windows like haeun had reminded him yesterday. 

he falls into his couch, turning on the tv to some news about an anonymous donation to fall asleep to. he lets his eyes close and sleep to overtake him, trying to shake off any remaining anxiety weighing his limbs.

---

having you as his bodyguard is not that bad, jungkook thinks. on the first week, you had been quiet and serious, accompanying him whenever he went to school and hanging back whenever he went out with his friends. though he received some strange looks at school because of your presence, it also brought a sense of security and calm for him. 

after the first week of adjusting with having a bodyguard, he started breaking the ice between the two of you, occasionally striking conversation with you and asking about trivial matters. you were quiet, but you keep up with his conversation well, firing back questions after an answer to keep the conversation going. 

by week three, jungkook considers the two of you as friends. he even managed to convince you to wear normal clothes instead of the suit you always wear, when you're not going somewhere formal. a feat that he's proud of.

"it'll look weird if you wear suits when accompanying me to the convenience store." he had said one afternoon while at the library. he's procrastinating his essay, choosing to strike a conversation with you instead. "this is basically a uniform, jungkook. I can't not wear a uniform while on the job." you leaned back in your seat in front of him, arms crossed in front of your chest. he tries to not let his gaze lingered too much. 

coughing, he averted his attention to the highlighter next to his laptop, "but come on! wouldn't it look suspicious if you keep wearing that everywhere we go? why is it necessary for you to wear a uniform anyway? I'm sure they're not as practical. and they're probably not mandatory for your job." you had sighed but stayed quiet to let him speak.

"don't you need to be more subtle? and i bet it's a lot of work having to put on a suit every time i need to go out to get a cup ramen." he saw you mulling over the proposition before relenting. "fine, I'll start wearing more practical clothing but i still need to wear a suit when it's formal." jungkook nodded, "i understand, don't worry." 

you turned up with casual clothing the next day. and the first time he saw you with normal clothing, he could only stare with his mouth agape, like a fish out of water. you look smaller with the oversized sweatshirt, hair styled freely instead of the usual professional look you go for. you're also slightly shorter since you forego the boots you usually wear for a pair of comfortable sneakers. the only thought that ran through his head at the time was "find you a woman who can do both." 

by the second month of you being his bodyguard, he has started inviting you into his apartment to hang out with him. he often challenges you to play video games with him, competitive nature resurfacing everytime you win. though, he never asked to go to your place and you never offered. 

your presence lets him forget about the events that took place many months ago, providing a calm reassurance everytime he walks. now, he doesn't check his apartment obsessively anymore, merely making sure to lock the doors and the windows. it also lets him feel normal for once. 

despite being someone who works for him, you don't let that become a gap between the two of you, befriending him who sometimes finds it hard to make friends due to his status as the governor's son. 

all in all, jungkook thinks having you as a bodyguard isn't that bad.

---

walking at night doesn't feel as scary as before now, with your warm presence next to him, steps aligned with his. he chatters away about his upcoming project, asking for your opinion once in a while about a certain topic. it isn't until he feels your hand on his bicep that he realizes you had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, eyes cautiously trained in front of you. 

he frowns, turning to look at you, "what's wrong?" he follows your gaze to see two people standing at the other side of the road, appearance reminding him of those people that had captured him all those months ago. a hat, mask and a hood to conceal their identity. hands shoved into their pockets to conceal any weapon they have. 

he tenses when he feels you shift next to him, fight or flight instinct sounding in his head when he sees them slowly making their way over. he's too caught up in his mind to realize that you had drawn out your gun, shoving it into his trembling hands. "jungkook, take this. if any of them tries anything, aim and shoot." 

"wh- what? what about you?" he'd be embarrassed of the tremor in his voice if he weren't so scared. these people don't look nice. 

you throw a smirk his way, "don't worry about me." 

any reply dies on his tongue when he sees one of the people swings their fist towards you, one you quickly dodge by stepping to the side. he sees the other person charging towards him, moving away from the direction he pointed the gun at to tackle him down. 

they both fell to the ground, his back hitting the cold pavement with a loud thud. the male pins jungkook to the ground with his knees, gun having fallen away in the moment of scuffle. he draws back his fist to punch him but jungkook manage to throw him off balance by slamming his knee against his back. he pushes the male away from him, wrapping his arm tightly around their neck while searching for the gun with his other hand. 

he's momentarily distracted when he hears you yelp in pain, looking over to see you hunched over a few feet away from him. he sees the person you're fighting aiming a knife at your shoulder, sending him into panic. when he grabs ahold of the gun, he shots the person in the thigh. 

the knife clatter to the ground, a hiss sounding from the person standing in front of you. he sees you stand up to neutralize them, throwing a punch and stepping on the thigh jungkook had shot before. he then turns to the person in his arms, debating on what to do. the male senses his hesitation, using their strength to throw jungkook over their shoulder, causing jungkook to loses his grip on the gun once again. 

in the moment of weakness, the guy had managed to grab the gun from him, the barrel of a gun now pointing at his forehead. jungkook closes his eyes and brace himself, fear gripping every inch of his body, replacing the adrenaline. 

but the shot never rang. instead he hears a heavy thud, and when he opens his eyes again, you stand in front of him, gun pointed at the guy kneeling in front of you. 

"who sent you?" you ask, voice cold and emotionless, it reminded him of the first sentence you've spoken to him. the person doesn't answer, eyes trained on you while occasionally flickering to his friend still laying on the ground, obviously in pain. 

"you're not gonna answer?" your question sounds more like a statement, and a few seconds after you finished your sentence, jungkook hears the telltale sound of the police cars. you must have alerted the authority the moment you saw them. 

he sees the male nervously glancing around, fidgeting like he's trying to find a way to escape.

"go on, try to run, I'll make sure you end up like your friend over there." bleeding, unable to walk, let alone run. 

slowly, the male moves his hands out, holding it up in the air in surrender. your hold on the gun tightens momentarily before relaxing again when the police arrive to apprehend the two. 

he sees them being handcuffed and lead to the awaiting police car ready to take them to the station. you drop your hand to your side, still clutching the gun in precaution. 

an officer walks towards the two of you, placating hands in front of his body. "are you two okay? do you need medical assistance?" it's not until he mentions it that jungkook notices there's an ambulance parked next to the sidewalk, a few medics tending to the guy he had shot. 

you turn to look at him, scanning him head to toes for any injuries, "do you need medics? are you hurt?" he shakes his head, hands still shaking, "no i- I don't, i don't think so." you frown at his answer, taking a hold of his wrist gently, "still, you need to get yourself check out. let's go." 

jungkook is tempted to hold your hand but managed to refrain from it. he needs some comfort, but he's not sure if he can ask it from you. 

you lead him to the ambulance, the male from before had been taken away to the hospital, so there won't be any awkward encounter between the three of you. "he might have a bruise on his back, he was thrown to the ground twice." you tell the medics. 

he didn't realize he might've been injured too, but your words makes him realize there's a dull pulsing on his shoulder blade and his back. the medic nods, gesturing to his shirt, "may i check?" offhandedly, he nods, letting him lift his shirt to check his back, but moves to grab your hand when you turn to walk away.

"where are you going? you need to get checked out too, you probably sustain more injuries." 

"I'll get checked out later, I'm going to give you some privacy." you smile at him, hand gently prying his from your wrist. 

he furrows his eyebrows, "i don't mind, really. you should really get yourself checked." he eyes the cuts and bruises on your knuckles. "did you know your knuckles are bruised?" 

you look down at your hands, chuckling to yourself. "did you forget this is my job, jungkook? this is not a big deal." 

thankfully, the other medic is quick to agree with jungkook. "come here, let me tend to your wounds." she doesn't let you disagree, sitting you down and making quick work to clean the scrapes on your hands. 

he hisses when he feels someone poking the bruise on his shoulder blade, "just some minor bruising on your shoulder and your left lower back. when you get home, you should ice it and rest to let it heal by itself." he quietly nods and watches as his medics move to help tend to you. 

"and you, miss? any other injuries besides the knuckles?" he asks as he crouches behind you. 

you turn your head to the side, pondering the question. "probably just some bruising too since he managed to get a couple of punches." 

the medic nods, "is it okay if i check your torso?" you purse your lips, eyes flickering to jungkook at the back of the ambulance. "sure."

jungkook averts his eyes when the medics start to lift your shirt, only looking back when the male starts talking again. "there's a shallow laceration on your side, quite a few bruises too. do they hurt?" 

"not that much." 

he sees them nod, "alright we'll take care of the bleeding wounds and then you can go. don't forget to let the bruises heal." 

a few minutes later, you're walking home, side by side. he eyes the gauze around your knuckles, heart heavy with guilt.

"I'm sorry." he mutters. 

you stop to look at him, eyebrows raised in question. "for what?" "you got hurt protecting me." 

"it's my job, jungkook. you don't have to feel sorry." he sighs, kicking at nothing. "i know, but still." 

you place a comforting hand on his biceps, "and it's not your fault. don't beat yourself up." he can only nod at your statement, still uneasy at the thought of you getting hurt. the rest of the walk is blanketed with silence, millions of thoughts running through his head. he thinks about who those people were, about what they wanted. he shivers at a particular thought. what if you hadn't been there with him? what if he were alone, like that night at the convenience store? 

he doesn't want to think about it. 

when he arrives at his doorstep, you place a hand on his shoulder to stop him from entering his house. "don't forget to ice your back." jungkook blinks, he just remembered that. how is he gonna ice his own back?

he sees amusement dancing in your eyes, it's like you can read his mind. "do you need help?" 

embarrassed, he quietly nods, opening the door and inviting you in. 

"lay down on the couch, I'll get the ice." 

he complies wordlessly, laying on his stomach on the plush couch and closing his eyes. he hears you move around in the kitchen, and struggles to keep his eyes open. he hears you ask him if it's okay for you to lift his shirt, answering the question with a short grunt. 

you lift the shirt off his back, hissing when you see the bruise on his shoulder. "damn," is the only thing you say before placing the ice pack at the right spot. he tenses for a moment at the cold sensation, before melting back into the couch. "didn't they say there's another bruise, jungkook? where is it?" 

at the mention of his other bruise, his eyes pop open, realizing where it's located. "uh…" 

he waves his hand around, "don't worry about that one, i can take care of it." he can't see you but he's sure you're frowning in confusion. "i thought they said it's on your lower back?" 

"ye- yeah. yeah it is. it's um…" he's too embarrassed to tell you it's on his butt. "don't worry it's fine." 

it's silent for a few minutes, jungkook thinks you might let it go but then he hears you trying to stifle your laughter. he pouts, "don't laugh! i fell on my butt when he threw me off his shoulder!" 

you let out a single laughter before composing yourself, patting jungkook on the head. "it's okay. that's good actually, you didn't fall on your tailbone and risk injuring it." he hums at the compliment, good point, kudos to him for moving his body slightly to the side when he was up in the air.

"you sure you don't need my help compressing it?" you tease, moving off the couch back to the kitchen. "m'sure." 

"do you want warm milk, jungkook?" you call from the kitchen. "yes please!" milk sounds nice right now. 

when you come back, you place the warm cup of milk on the coffee table, "i put some honey in it, like in that movie you showed me last week." jungkook's heart clenches, you're so cute. he mutters a thanks to his folded arms, trying his best to keep his eyes open. "I'm gonna go home now, rest and take care not to aggravate your bruise too much, okay?" 

he moves his head to the side, "do you need help? with your own bruises?" you shake your head on your way to the door, "nah, it's fine. i can do it myself, i didn't get thrown to the pavement." he throws another pout your way. 

"good night, jungkook." the door closes before he can say it back.

---

a few weeks pass by without any more incidents, his body returning back to its normal condition in just a few days. for a couple of days, you diligently helped him iced his shoulder, not forgetting to tease him about the one on his butt each time. 

everytime he offered to help you with your own injuries, you always shot down the idea, telling him you can take care of yourself. so jungkook decided he'll help by going out less to let you rest a bit more, so your cuts and bruises can take their time to heal. 

he invited you over more often, offering to watch movies together with him or to play video games. sometimes you had to decline, telling him that you still have some things to do, but more often than not you'll sigh and roll your eyes fondly before agreeing. 

this week however, he hadn't seen you that much except for when you accompanied him to school. mostly because he had been cooped up in his own apartment, only leaving for his exams in the morning, studying and focusing on his big project for the rest of the day. 

he'd given you a heads up before the week started, as to not worry you when he doesn't knock on your door to ask to go the mall. 

"I'm gonna be pretty busy next week," he had said over a plate of fried rice, sitting on his dining table with you across from him. you raised one eyebrow in question. "finals week means i have to study everyday and i have to finish a project I've put off long enough."

he chewed the fried egg, gulping it down before continuing, "so i probably won't go anywhere except for school. think of it as like a vacation for you." you had nodded and smiled at him, but didn't say anything, scooping up more rice onto your spoon. jungkook didn't notice your smile didn't reach your eyes.

today is the last day kf exams for him, every finals done and project sent to his professor 15 minutes before the deadline. he flops down into the floor in a heap, exhaustion rolling off every inch of his body. he had only gotten a total of 25 hours of sleep this week, and had not been taking care of himself properly. 

he groans and stands up when he hears his stomach grumbles, making his way to the kitchen to look for some food. there's a slight headache at the back of his head, vision blurring for a moment before returning to normal. he shakes it off as exhaustion, opening the fridge only to see it empty. he tries the cupboard but comes up with the same thing. 

throwing his head back, he decides he'll have to go out to get some food, it's not too late at night yet, clock showing 8:15. walking to the door to get you, his vision blurs again when he reaches his door, hand gripping the doorknob to prevent him from falling. he definitely needs to get you now. 

when he opens the door, he finds you conversing with someone in the hallway, opening the door to let them in. he can't exactly hear what you're saying but the other voice causes a flicker of familiarity to light in the back of his mind. your eyes quickly snap to him when you realize he's standing behind the person, widening in surprise and… nervousness? fear?

he was about to ask you who it is when the person turns to look at what made you freeze, jungkook's body going rigid at the realization. the voice, the eyes, he remembers them, memories from the events all those months ago surges to the front of his mind. his vision blurs again, this time slowly going dark around the edges. only one name crosses his mind.

"minhee."

---

you watch as jungkook's body goes rigid when he sees minhee turning around, he had obviously recognized her. you hear him mutter her name before going limp and move to catch him before he collapses, supporting his weight so he won't fall to the ground and hurt himself. grunting, you adjust his body in your arms, "minhee, a little help?" 

she sighs loudly, moving to stand next to him and slinging his arms around her shoulder to help you carry him to your apartment. "the fuck are we supposed to do now?" she asks, kicking open the door and helping you move him to your couch. "i have no fucking idea." 

your mind races with all the possibilities, trying to come up with a solution to the new problem in your hand. you unceremoniously drop him to your couch, feeling his forehead to check his temperature. he doesn't have a fever, though he look pale and exhausted. you figure he hasn't been taking care of himself. 

haeun emerges from the kitchen, holding a bowl of seasoned popcorn. she munches and raises her eyebrow at the sight, "what's going on?" she looks at the boy on your couch, "why's he here?" 

you pinch the bridge of your nose, pacing in front of the door while minhee sits on the chair next to the tv. she answers haeun question for you, "pretty boy here, recognized me and then fainted." 

haeun chuckles, "he fainted because he saw you?" 

"no, i think he fainted from exhaustion and possibly dehydration, seeing minhee just add to the shock. how long do we got until he wakes?" minhee clicks her tongue, "few minutes? maybe? I don't know but you need to figure something out, quick."  

you talk out loud so minhee can hear you, maybe her opinion can help. "well, one thing for sure is we can't let him go and pretend nothing happened, can we?" she shakes her head no. 

"but, maybe we can? i can just say that he hallucinated because he was tired? do you think that would work?" she shrugs her shoulders. 

"do you think he'll believe me if i told him that?" she nods her head yes. 

you stop your pacing, "what? you think he'll believe me if i told him he hallucinated?" she plasters an innocent look on her face, blinking at you from where she sits. "i think so. pretty sure he'd believe you if you tell him the cashier at downtown McD is an alien." 

you tilt your head to the side, not understanding what she meant. "what?" before she can respond, haeun places a glass of water on the coffee table and you shoot her a grateful look. "okay you know what, you two go hide in my room. I'll try to see if i can get him to believe nothing happened." 

"no, he's not that stupid. you know that's not gonna work," a voice is heard from your doorway, and when you turn to look, it's yoongi with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

you groan in frustration, "then what am i supposed to do, yoongi?" 

sighing, he walks into your apartment, closing the door behind him. "I don't know yet but i think we should take him with us." he stares at the sleeping boy on your couch, using his shoes to nudge his knee. "it's too big of a risk if he knows and we let him go, you know that. we can't let him walk around with that knowledge, not yet. he now knows of your identity and hers. we'll figure out what to do after our main goal is done." 

minhee and haeun stay quiet, letting the two of you figure out what to do with the governor's son. "if we disappeared, they would no doubt be suspicious of me, and then my cover will be blown." yoongi sits at the table, legs crossed, "I'm sure you can figure out a reason, right?" 

you drop your head to your hands, racking your brain for any solutions. "whatever you come up with, you know I'll be able to help you with." haeun offers, watching your eyebrow furrows in deep thought. 

you look at jungkook, it's been a few minutes and he hasn't woken up yet, which probably means he won't wake up for a little while. 

hesitantly, you let them know of your plan, "i can tell his father he's going on a trip with some of his friends to celebrate and that I'll be accompanying him. I'll tell him he won't be able to reach us because we're going somewhere secluded but I'll keep him updated and that it's an impulse trip." 

you turn towards haeun, "can you deal with the logistics of all of that? tie up any loose ends and cover any tracks so he won't get suspicious. I'm going to message him right now and see what his response is and then we can go on from there." 

haeun nods, and you trust her. you trust that she'll be able to handle it, she's good at her job after all, and a genius on top of that. you quickly send the message, receiving a reply in less than 5 minutes. 

"Alright, keep him safe. I'll transfer the expense to you once you return. Tell him not to do anything stupid." 

you scoff at the response, you can't believe that would actually work. he doesn't question why jungkook didn't tell him himself? doesn't question jungkook going on an impulse trip with his friends? you wonder about his relationship with jungkook. 

but you guess right now, it's a good thing that he doesn't question you and he trusts you that much. 

"minhee, can you pack me my bags? in case anyone checks, we need to keep up the illusion of going on a trip. I'll go to his apartment to pack his." she nods and makes her way to your room, while you order yoongi to keep an eye out for him. 

you quickly walk to his apartment to pack his bag, grabbing only the necessity and some pieces of clothing, turning off all the lights and electronic appliances and taking his phone and laptop with you. once you're done, you walk back to your door, briefly musing about the security cameras. you'd need haeun's help to take care of that later. 

when you get back to your apartment, you see minhee holding two bags, standing next to yoongi while jungkook stays fast asleep on your couch. you shove the bags you're holding to haeun so you can lift jungkook with yoongi, making sure everyone have their mask on before leaving the apartment. you tell them not to wear their hood as to not rouse any more suspicions and make your way to the parking lot downstairs where you deposit him in the passenger seat of your car. 

fortunately, you didn't meet anyone on your way down or you'd have a hard time explaining the unconscious boy in your arms. climbing in to the driver seat, you pull out of the parking lot, driving to a place you know to be safe. 

"haeun, can you take care of the security footage?" she hums from the backseat, "don't worry I'm already working on it." you nod at her words, glancing at the boy next to you. 

"I'm sorry, Kook."

---

when you reach your house, you take jungkook to your bedroom to let him rest and ask minhee to get some water for when he wakes up. you need to assess the situation after he wakes up too, to determine if he remembers what happened or not, maybe you can still convince him that nothing had happened and take him back. 

10 minutes later, you see jungkook stir as yoongi and minhee steps outside your bedroom, so you gesture for them to hurry up. when jungkook fully wakes up, they're both hidden from sight, door closing quietly behind them. 

he groans from his position on your bed, hand coming up to rub his forehead. you sit next to him on the floor, tentatively touching his shoulder. "jungkook?" 

he jolts when he hears your voice, scrambling to put a gap between the two of you. "hey, hey it's okay. you're alright, you're safe." he keeps quiet, eyes wary, and you can't tell if he remembers seeing minhee or not. you keep talking in a soft voice to placate him, "you're okay. you fainted from exhaustion in front of my door. i heard a knock and when i opened the door, you collapsed before i could ask you what happened." 

you place your arms on the bed, showing him you're not gonna hurt him. "you look really pale when i opened the door, do you want some water?" you gesture to the glass on your nightstand. 

he furrows his eyebrows, glancing at his surrounding, confused eyes scanning the room. you think he might have forgotten until he opens his mouth, "are you gonna poison me?" 

you freeze, blinking at him. "what are you talking about? of course not, why would i?" 

he blinks back at you, face blank and void of emotion. "so you can use me as a "helping hand" to get what you need." he repeats the word you said to him that night, proving that he remembers. you try to play it off, "jungkook, i really don't understand what you're saying."

hesitation flicker in his eyes for a moment before disappearing again, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. "minhee," is the only thing he says. 

you frown, "who?" "the tall girl in front of your door earlier." you purse your lips, he remembers. 

you sigh, dropping your shoulder and gesturing to the water, "at least drink some water first, i promise you it's not poisoned." you reassure him the same way you did that night. 

he doesn't move so you take the glass, taking a gulp of water to prove its harmless before offering it to him. he eyes the glass with distrust, gazing at you for a few moments before taking it from your hand. you notice he tries to not make any contact with the hand you have wrapped around the glass.

"jeon jungkook, if you don't forget and pretend nothing happened, i can't let you go." you sit at the couch on the left of the bed, putting more space between you so he'll be more comfortable. you put on your persona and offer him a chance to walk away.

he scoffs at your statement, "where am i? and what the fuck are you talking about? you want me to forget that you were with the person who captured me all those months ago? and goes on with you as my bodyguard? don't you think i need an explanation?" he slams the glass on the table, hand raking through his hair in frustration.

the way he phrases it captures your attention, does he not know that you were also there?

"you're in my room, and if i tell you, jeon jungkook, i can't let you leave this house. i don't want you to get more involved than you already are." 

"stop calling me that!" he nearly shouts. you widen your eyes in surprise at his volume. 

he lowers his voice, hands gripping the sheets underneath him, "don't call me jeon jungkook, don't put distance between us." 

softening your eyes, you cross your legs, softly calling his name, "i can't tell you, jungkook." he snaps his gaze towards you, recognition dawning on him.

he throws his arms up in the air, "even if you don't tell me, there's no way you can let me go anyway, right? i know about you and minhee, i know you were the one driving the car." 

there it is. confirmation. 

"but if i tell you, you'll get tangled in this mess." 

he scoffs, "like I'm not already?" 

"you might hate me if i tell you," you worry, biting your lips in an effort to not let it all spill out. the moonlight shines through the blind on your window, providing a dim light that illuminates the room. there it is, the reason you're so hesitant on telling him.

he purses his lips, "what makes you think i don't already?" 

your heart drops to your stomach at his words, tears unconsciously welling up at the corner of your eyes. 

it's a fear of yours that manifested the moment he invited you over to play games. a worry at the back of your mind when he convinced you to wear casual clothes. you know you shouldn't have let your guard down so easily, but he had been scared, lost, sad, lonely. so you give in, opening your heart for him to nestle himself in.

you close your eyes and will them back, fisting the blanket on your couch. eventually you nod, deciding you owe him an explanation at the very least. "okay."

"that night, we staged the capture. we were never planning to hurt you in any way, money also wasn't the reason." you see him starting to relax, hands fiddling with the string on his sweatpants. "we needed your father to hire someone to protect you, so i can infiltrate my way in to gather intels. we have someone on the inside, someone who will make sure I'll be the one he chooses. i also needed to keep an eye out on you to determine if you were involved." 

"the two people who attacked a few weeks ago wasn't us. they were people who wanted to get you because they realized your father will pay them if they managed to get their hands on you." 

he knows that, but keeps quiet, letting you continue with your explanation. 

you stay silent for a minute, before, "your father is involved in multiple cases of money embezzlement. he had been taking funds from a few public projects, and had also been receiving bribe money from certain companies." jungkook freezes at the reveal, mind going numb at the information.

"we are here to gather information, to reveal it to the public in due time. we are also working to expose the authority so that when we come out with the evidence, it won't be swept under the rug." you shift in your seat, wringing your hands in front of you. "i figured you weren't involved and had no idea about it." 

it's a question masks as a statement. dazed, he shakes his head. "he started doing it one year ago, and our mission had been on going for around half of that time. our information wasn't enough just yet, so we needed a way in. i had been collecting evidence, sending them to my team for them to process."

jungkook is still bewildered, mind starting to connect the dots. before he can spiral, however, you intervene his thoughts, "don't worry jungkook, the illegal money is all in an offshore account and had never been used until that night with the 5 million dollars and to pay people to keep quiet about his secret." 

he snaps his gaze towards you at the mention of the ransom money, "what did you do with those money?" 

you smile sympathetically at him, "we gave it back to the institution." his mind flashes back to the news of an anonymous donation the next day after the incident and a small weight lifted off his shoulder.

you sigh, leaning back on your seat. "I'm sorry to say but right now, you're in my room, in my house. not the apartment." 

he blankly stares at you, waiting for more explanation. "unfortunately we can't let you walk around with this knowledge, not now. but once we reach our main goal, I'll make sure you'll be able to leave safely. please believe me when i say we won't hurt you." your words are sincere, eyes gazing at his to convey your honesty.

he hears the door to your room open before he could open his mouth, two people walking in. the smooth voice of minhee cuts through the air, laced with amusement, "so I'm guessing your plan of lying to him didn't work?" 

you glare at her from your spot, "don't act like you didn't hear our conversation min." you lay down on the couch, eyes closing in exasperation. "so, what are we supposed to do now?" he recognizes the voice as haeun, a slight shiver running down his spine.

"I'm not gonna say anything." he hopes he sounds convincing enough. 

minhee scoffs, rounding the room to sit next to you, lifting your legs and placing them in her lap. "even so, we can't risk it. our identity is on the line, you have to stay here under surveillance until we can figure out what to do with you." 

"i don't see any reason why you need to keep me captive if i promise not to tell anyone. nobody will know and your identity will be safe if I'm the only one who know," he argues back, he knows it's probably pointless but it's worth a shot.

"he has a point," you mutter, haeun coming over to lay herself on top of you, crushing you with her weight. minhee swats at her but doesn't complain.

"absolutely not, we can't let him go." a new voice speaks out from the doorway. when jungkook turns his head to look, he found three males standing there, one he recognized as his driver. 

he suppresses his gasp at the fact. they walk into the room, closing the door behind them. 

"and why not?" you question from under haeun, who is squishing your cheeks with her palms, like you're too cute for her to handle. jungkook doesn't understand why she's doing that. 

"he knows too much, simple as that." it clicked in his mind when he hears the drawl of the voice. it's yoongi. 

you sound more muffled now, "but he's not gonna tell anyone, i believe him." his heart skips a beat at your declaration. yoongi raises his eyebrow at him, "yeah? but i don't." 

minhee is the one who speaks up next "so how long are we planning to keep him here?" 

yoongi shrugs and drops to the floor in a starfish position, "as long as it needs." 

his mind reels, for the topic of conversation right now, all of you seems to be very relaxed, not worried about jungkook running away and ratting you out to someone. you're basically in a cuddle pile for fuck sake. he confusedly look around, catching the eye of his driver who lift his hand to wave at him. 

"oh yeah, that's taehyung. he's also one of us. he's the one who's in charge of getting the information at first, but when we realized it won't be enough, we had to find another way." you had successfully pushed haeun away from you, rolling over so you're now lying face down on the carpet. you sigh loudly "yoongi, what are we supposed to do next?" 

the man in question snorts from his place, "i don't fucking know, isn't it your job to figure it out?" 

jungkook can stand up right now, he realizes. he can stand up and bolt out the door and away from whatever this is since all of you are distracted. oddly, he doesn't feel the need to. 

you roll over on your back, "oh! and that last guy is jimin." the guy in question lift his hand and wave, offering jungkook a friendly smile. 

"so you basically kidnapped me, again?" jungkook asks as he leans back on your bed, staring at the navy blue sheets. 

"uh… i guess? in a way?" you sound so confused, so unsure, it reminded him of the other version of you he thought he knew. he realizes the two of you would need to talk it out later. 

"you're not worried about my father?" 

"oh, well, you see, i told him that you impulsively decided to go on a trip with your friends to somewhere where we can't be reached, but i told him I'll keep him updated and he agreed." 

he nods, storing that information for pondering later when he can't sleep at night. 

the room is quiet after that, each person caught up in their own world. he sees haeun poking minhee in the face, while the girl type something in her phone. taehyung, his former driver is conversing quietly with jimin while you and yoongi appear to be asleep. 

he sighs loudly to announce that he is, in fact, still here, garnering your attention from the floor. "this is too much information for one night, can you all leave, i would like to be alone." 

they all wordlessly stand up from their spot, yoongi had to be pulled up by both minhee and taehyung, and steps outside your bedroom.

except for you. 

you scooch so you're sitting next to the bed, staring up at him, "please don't try to run away or you might get hurt in the process. we have plenty of surveillance and guards that will prevent you from leaving and i can't promise they won't hurt you while doing so." 

he holds your gaze, reading the emotion behind it before closing his eyes. "fine but we need to talk." 

nodding, you gently take his hand in yours. "i know, we'll talk tomorrow okay? you should get some rest, you did faint after all."

you stand up, letting go of his hand and walking out the door, "finish the water, I'm going to get you some food and then you can go to sleep." 

the door shuts behind you, leaving jungkook alone with his thoughts. he wanted badly to stay awake and process all the information but after finishing his meal, his eyes can't help but droop and he decides this time to let sleep overtake the chaos in his mind.

---

when he wakes up the next morning, the curtains are drawn, letting him sleep undisturbed by the blazing sun outside. he rolls over and groans, trying not to think about his situation too much or else his head will explode. 

for now, he's just gonna go out on a limb and give you a little bit of his trust, you said you trusted him last night with the identity of you and your whole team, despite how dangerous it is if people found out so he thinks he'll give you back that trust, even just a little bit. 

he was about to fall asleep again, the plush bedding and warm blanket lulling him back before the door cracks open and someone walk in. he pretends to be asleep, not knowing who it is. 

he feels the bed dip at his side, a hand caressing his head gently. he will his body to relax so the person won't realize he's awake.

"Kook, I'm sorry." it's you, whispering because you think he's still asleep. "i didn't want you to get involved in this mess but I guess… i guess I'd gotten you involved the moment i became your guard, huh?" you're rambling to yourself, hand still gently stroking his hair. "Or maybe the moment i decided to staged that incident." 

he hears you sigh, low enough that he thinks you still don't know he's awake but loud enough that he can feel your frustration through it. "i really am sorry, Kook." you whisper one last time, before standing up and tucking the blanket around his shoulder. he hears the door close, and opens his eyes, staring at the wall in front of him. 

it's the first time you call him by his nickname.

///

you watched as his friends drove away, waving from inside the car and shouting at the top of their lungs despite only being a few steps away. "bye, kook! We'll see you later! Don't forget to send us your part of the project or I'll hunt you down!" he laughed at the threat, shouting back his confirmation before turning back to you. "come on, let's get inside before we freeze out here." he ushered you inside, bright smile still plastered on his face. 

when the both of you were standing in the elevator, you turned to face him to see a thoughtful look on his face. "hey, (y/n)." you hummed in answer. "we're friends, right?" 

you blinked at his question, honestly not knowing the answer yourself but he had continued, not waiting for you to answer. "you know, i was thinking, since we're friends, why don't you just call me by my nickname? it's probably a hassle to call me by jungkook all the time, right?" 

you hesitated in answering him, because you don't know if you can. it's a warning that minhee gives you everytime she comes over, "don't get too comfortable." it floats around in your mind, plastering itself at the front of your head everytime you give in to his request in trying to befriend you. 

he silently stared at you, waiting for your answer. you pursed your lips, trying to lightly brushed it to the side without hurting his feelings too much. "hm, i don't know jungkook. i think I'll stick to calling you by that name, i need to maintain an air of professionalism, right?" 

his shoulder dropped at your answer, turning his body to stare at the elevator door in front of him. he sounded dejected when he replied, "yeah… i guess you're right." 

not wanting for him to be upset, you quickly reassured him, "but i am your friend, jungkook. just because I'm not calling you by your nickname doesn't mean I'm not." he's still tensed at your response, nodding to signified he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. 

you wordlessly complied with his request and he eventually let it go, never bringing it up again in conversation.

///

he ignores the loud chatter inside his mind, all the confusion and doubts cruising through his head. he'll make sure to talk to you later to quiet them. for now, he's going to get some breakfast. looking at the clock which read 8:43, he stands up from your bed, making his way to the door. 

only to realize he's completely unfamiliar with the house and won't know where the kitchen is. he debates on waiting for someone to get him, but his grumbling stomach protests his decision, causing him to try to brave through the house by himself. 

opening the door to your room, he's greeted by an empty house. he takes his time admiring the place, it doesn't look too big, but it does look luxurious. with marble flooring and ivory walls, the house looks like it's sparkling. he turns right to make his way down the stairs, observing the left of your room has another set of stairs that go up. 

he finds himself in what he assumed to be the living room, a place that looks more cozy down here than when he's looking at it from above. he sees a door at the side of the room, walking towards it when he hears people talking. 

he walks into the space to see haeun placing two slices of bread at the side of taehyung's face while jimin sits at the counter, giggling. "what are you?" haeun screams. taehyung answers with a deadpan and blank face, "I'm an idiot sandwich." causing jimin to laugh harder, folding in on himself, jungkook fears he might tumble off his chair. 

"okay, I'm not eating that bread, it touched tae's face. haeun! stop wasting our bread!" he doesn't realize that minhee is standing by the fridge with a bowl of cereal in her hands. "it's fine, this is tae's bread." the male sighs, taking the bread from haeun and walking over to the toaster. he pops the bread into the toaster before turning around, catching sight of a confused jungkook standing at the doorway.

"oh hey, you're awake. help yourself to some breakfast. we've got plenty." he gestures to the array of food on the table, ranging from fried rice to waffles. "why is there so much food?" is the first question that comes out of his mouth. 

"soomin stress cook." minhee answer simply, grabbing a piece of bacon and french toast and plopping them into her empty bowl. jungkook shrugs when nobody else bothered to elaborate, grabbing a plate and scooping a plate of fried rice and some noodles on the side. "dining room that way." taehyung points to the hallway that leads to the side, "(y/n) is there, i think." 

he nods at taehyung in thanks, making his way to the dining room after grabbing a glass of milk for himself. he sees you sitting at the table in the middle of the room, laptop and documents splayed out in front of you while you mindlessly munch through your plate of waffles and fruits. two other people sit at the table with you, yoongi on one side and another girl he doesn't recognize on the other. 

yoongi notices his presence first, gesturing for him to sit down at the table in front of him. jungkook frowns, is he allowed to be here right now? it seems like you're working. "yes you're allowed, we're not working on anything confidential right now." yoongi answers, apparently he had voiced his question out loud. 

nodding, he sits on the table, occasionally glancing at you from the corner of his eyes. you smile at him when he catches your eyes, mouthing "we'll talk later, i promise" before going back to your laptop. 

"hello, my name is soomin. i don't believe we've met yet." he snaps his gaze to the girl who just spoke, offering an awkward smile her way. "oh, uh. I'm. I'm jungkook." 

she smiles warmly at him, "i know, I've heard about the situation, don't worry. i believe (y/n) told you everything already, right?" he shyly nods. 

"then please don't worry, we won't hurt you as long as you don't try anything." his body goes rigid at the thinly veiled threat, hand freezing with the spoon tightly grasped between his fingers. "soo, don't scare him like that, i already talked to him." you step forward when you see him react, trying to quell the tension that suddenly fills the room. 

soomin smiles at him before looking back at you, "i know. I'm just making sure. this is our whole team we're talking about here so i just want to make it clear." 

you close your eyes and sigh, "i… i know. i just." he turns his gaze to see you biting your lips, eyes staring at the dark wood in front of you. 

"I'm so sorry." your apology sounds so small that he's sure he wouldn't have heard it if it weren't for the stillness of the room. soomin's gaze softens, hand moving to squeeze yours that lay on top of the documents, "no, hey. it's okay. it's not your fault."

there's an odd feeling sitting on his chest. a stuffiness that he can't explain everytime he hears you apologize. he decides he doesn't like it. doesn't like it when you blame yourself, doesn't like it when you sound so small like that, doesn't like it when you keep things from him. 

yoongi purses his lips at the exchange, "soo, let's go to the kitchen to get some more coffee?" he stands up with his plate and mug, (y/n)? you can take a break and enjoy your breakfast." soomin nods, leaving the two of you alone in the big dining room. 

you close the laptop in front of you, gathering the papers into one neat pile before storing them in a briefcase he didn't notice were there. the two of you stay quiet for a while, each enjoying your own breakfast at your own pace. 

eventually it's you who break the silence, "any questions you wanted answer to, jungkook?" 

he ponders it for a while, starting with "was the you i knew then was real?" 

you frown into your plate, lips forming an adorable pout that had jungkook almost cooing at the sight. "well, yeah. why wouldn't she be real?" 

he purses his lips, "did you befriend me because you have to?" this time you shake your head, "no. in fact, i wasn't supposed to. i was actually told time and time again to keep my distance." 

he gulps at your confession. 

"but i chose to be your friend anyway, because…" "because?" 

you look up to meet his gaze, honesty coloring your eyes, "because i wanted to. and because i saw that you needed, no, wanted a friend too." his gaze softens at that. 

you continue, "everything between us was real, it wasn't because it was my job to be your friend, gain your trust and betray you in the end. i-" stuttering, you bring up your hand to wipe a stray tear. "i didn't want to hurt you, even though i guess in the end, i would have regardless." 

because in the end, your goal is to take down his father, essentially betraying him in a sense. befriending jungkook wasn't part of the plan, it was something you didn't see happening while you were mulling over the plan to take down the governor. 

jungkook stays quiet, processing the information you just laid out for him. you stand up with your plate, sensing the conversation is over for now. when you pass by him, you place a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it once to provide reassurance. just before you walk out of the dining room, you ask "and jungkook, you know that I have to reveal it to the public, right?" i have to take down your father, is left unsaid.

he nods because he knows. no matter what, the people need to know about the corruption, the authorities need to do something about it, and his father needs to own up to his actions. 

you nod at him, sending a quick smile before leaving him by himself so he can think.

---

a few hours later, he finds you crouching in the garden next to the house, watering and tending to a variety of vegetables. he hesitates on how to strike up a conversation. 

"so, uh, the bedroom I'm staying in is yours?" you flinch when you hear his voice, not expecting someone else to be in the garden with you. you look up at him from your position, hands midway to picking a tomato off its vines, "oh! uh yeah." he nods awkwardly, eyes scanning the content of the garden. "where are you staying then?" 

you pick the remaining ripe tomatoes off, placing it in the basket next to you, soomin is going to be overjoyed that they've grown so well after that disastrous harvest. "in the guest bedroom next to the dining room. it's usually unoccupied so i can stay there as long as i need." 

he crouches down next to you, grabbing a tiny shears to help. you watch curiously from the side, wondering if he knows which one to pluck off and which one to leave behind. you pull out the pesky weeds next to your precious cucumbers, keeping an eye on jungkook to make sure he's not going to accidentally ruin your crops. soomin will murder both of you. 

curiouslyly, he knows exactly what to do with his tiny shears, removing the excess branches and cutting off any dead leaves and buds. "can you show me around later? around the house? it's… uh… a pretty large house." 

you eye the patch of leafy greens at the side, debating if you should pick them today or leave it another week. "yeah okay, sure." 

the air is tensed between the two of you, but you can't exactly pinpoint the reason. is it you? did the talk affect you more than you thought? or maybe jungkook just doesn't trust you anymore, given the circumstances. maybe he decided that you're-

you feel him grabbing your wrist before you can finish your thoughts, staring at his wide eyes in front of you. "you were spacing out while holding a scissors." frowning, you look down to see that you are indeed holding a scissor that look too close to your other hand for comfort. you mumble, "sorry." 

jungkook huffs at that, gentle but stern when he talks, "why do you say sorry so much? i don't think you have anything you need to apologize for." widening your eyes, you stare back at him, not understanding what he's saying. he sighs at your expression, shaking his head at you before continuing with his task. 

you decide to let it go for now when you see his annoyed expression, watching as he cuts dead leaves off your cucumbers plants. curious, you ask, "how do you know about pruning?" 

he huffs a laugh this time, "i think even without gardening knowledge, anybody will know that you need to cut off these stems and leaves." 

"yeah, but you pruned the branches of the tomatoes, the new ones." he hums at your question, "i used to help my mom when she worked in her garden." you blink at the unexpected answer, you don't think you've ever heard him talk about her in all the months you've worked alongside him. 

a small "oh" leaves your lips, not wanting to pry any further. it garners an amused smile from him. "currently, she's in another country, had been for the last two years. but we keep in contact quite often." 

you purse your lips from trying to ask a question but it seems like he reads it on your face anyway, "they both have a pretty good relationship, he's pretty supportive of her pursuing her interest." and he leaves it at that. 

the two of you work in silence for the next few minutes, making sure there's no pests or weeds left that risk ruining your, well soomin's, perfect garden. 

you stand up once you're done, almost falling over when you realize your legs fell asleep while you were working. thankfully, you caught yourself, wrapping your palms around jungkook's biceps to prevent yourself from face planting into a patch of cabbage. 

again, soomin will murder you if you damage her precious veggies. you don't know why she's so protective over her cabbage in particular. 

jungkook snickers at your blunder, placing the shears on a toolbox next to his feet. you immediately let go of him when you feel the muscles shift underneath your hands, resisting the urge to slap yourself out of it. he moves to grab the basket full of vegetables, placing a hand between your shoulder blade to help you walk. 

you turn your face away, hoping he didn't see your flaming cheeks. absentmindedly, you think, the two of you are okay.

---

you stand in front of the door with jungkook next to you, hands on your hips, "this is the front door." he blinks at you, "yeah i know?" 

you point at the room behind it, "that's the living room." "I'm perfectly aware." 

you throw your hands up, "you said you wanted me to show you around!" he laughs loudly at that, "i already know about the first floor. beside! we're standing outside the house right now! I'm 100% we look ridiculous. you're pretty bad at being a guide huh" 

you pout, "fine," and walk inside the house, flopping down onto the couch in the middle of the living room. "I'll explain it verbally instead. first floor is the living room, the kitchen, dining room, a bathroom and my bedroom." 

he maps it in his mind, your bedroom must be at the back of the dining room. "second floor is the rest of the bedroom and a family room, next to the bedroom you're staying in right now. that's just where we hangout usually." 

he looks up at the second floor at that, counting the doors, "how many people are there?" 

"10 including you." 

"there are only 7 rooms on the second floor." 

you nod, grabbing the remote at the coffee table in front of you. "jimin and tae share a room, mirae and narae also share a room." 

you turn on the television, stopping at a documentary channel, "there's also two more bedrooms on the third floor, along with a gym room, an office, and a game room." 

"big house, huh." he mutters. 

"it does have 9 people living in it so yes, it needs to be large to be comfortable, don't you think?" a voice speaks from upstairs. when he looks up, it's soomin. "i- yeah. i guess so." 

he watches as she walks down the stairs, and freezes in alarm when she stops in front of him. "I'm sorry about this morning, by the way, i was just protective of my team." 

her gaze flicks to you when she says, "surely you understand, right?" 

he purses his lips together, brows furrowing. "yeah." his gaze moves to you for a second before going back to her, "i understand." 

she nods in satisfaction, hiking her backpack higher before addressing you, "well i gotta go now. I'll be back in a few days, don't cause any trouble while I'm away, okay? please keep haeun away from my garden." 

you nod distractedly, eyes still glued on the tv in front of you, "bye! stay safe!" 

she fondly rolls her eyes before sending a quick smile his way in curtesy. she closes the front door behind her and a few seconds later jungkook hears the sound of a car driving away. 

"by the way, do i get any access to internet? phone? computer?" he knows the answer but no harm in asking. he sits at one of the comfortable armchairs next to the couch.

you hum from your seat, "I'll see what i can do but I'm afraid I can't give you your own phone or computer. haeun will probably do something about the phone situation and if you want, you can go to our game room to use the computers. everything's been secured there." 

you side eye him, "we can't really risk you making contact with anyone outside. just, you know. a lot of, uh" you stutter, obviously trying your best to not insult or hurt his feelings. he had to bite his lips to keep from laughing at your endearing reaction. 

"it's okay, i get it, really." you sigh in relief at his reassurance, nodding at him before going back to focus on the tv. 

he hears a door open somewhere, haeun emerging from the kitchen with a bag of chips in one hand. jungkook averts his stare, she still scares him a little bit, not a lot, just a little. on her way to the stairs, she tosses a box in his lap and when jungkook looks down, it's a brand new phone. 

"it's been secured, no way you can contact anyone without me finding out so don't even try." and then she disappears into one of the rooms upstairs just like that. he notices her room is the one to the left of yours.

you smile at him, "sorry, you're gonna be off the grid for a while." he shrugs at that, he thinks he doesn't mind it too much now.

---

he's only been here three days, but he already finds himself getting comfortable around your friends. once the wariness had wore off and they're sure he could be trusted, they had started warming up to him. 

jimin had been one of the first one to approach him, asking him if he wanted to work out with him in the gym room. jungkook had accepted the invitation and now jimin had dubbed him as his workout buddy since yoongi and taehyung won't budge when he asked them. 

they usually spend a few hours in the gym, exercising together and making light conversations. he finds jimin to be very friendly, sometimes a little too friendly for someone he literally just met a few days ago. 

taehyung had been the second person he befriended. apparently, walking into the game room had been enough to get taehyung to open up to you. now, taehyung pesters him to game with him anytime he has time to play, complaining that no one else in the house is interested in playing with him except for haeun who's busy most of the time and jungkook is happy to entertain him.

on the other hand, he doesn't see the trio all that much around the house, and the time he does, the interaction is usually short lived and curt. but he does feel that they're trying to be nicer to him. it's just that, with the history of their past interaction, it gets kinda awkward sometimes. 

he also doesn't see you as much as he would like now, only seeing you in the morning for breakfast and at night for dinner in the dining room, each time always checking up on how he's doing. he doesn't know where you go for the rest of the day. 

truth be told, he misses hanging out with you. 

he rolls over in bed, standing up to close the curtains when he hears a knock on his door. tilting his head to the side, he wonders who it is and opens the door to you standing in front of him, hair wet like you just took a shower, flustered. 

"uh hey." 

"hey."

"so- sorry. I'm just here to grab some stuffs?" he remembers that this is, in fact, your room. "Oh! Of course," and steps to the side, allowing you to come in. 

you make a bee line to your wardrobe, throwing the door open to grab your clothes. he hesitantly sits on his, well, your bed, hand awkwardly placed in his lap while he watches you sort your clothes into a bag you have with you. 

he coughs to get your attention, "um, you know. you can just stay in this room?" 

you freeze in your place when you hear him, "wha- what. what do you mean?" 

he notices how he phrases his question, quickly backtracking to avoid embarrassing himself, "i mean! maybe you can just stay here and i can stay at the guest bedroom you're staying in right now? this is your room after all and all of your things are probably here while i have my things in a bag and can easily relocate to the other bedroom, i also don't want to intrude on your private space." 

you turn around to sit next to him on the bed, "are you sure?" "yeah, it's fine." 

you mull over his question for a while, "no, it's okay. this room is closer to the other's rooms." 

he deflates at that, he thought you trusted him? "so it doesn't feel as stifling as that one since it's so far away." you shift your body towards him, "this room feels a lot more comfortable, so i would like for you to stay here instead so your stay here would be more comfortable too." he perks back up at that, heart skipping a beat at your thoughtfulness. "this room is also bigger." 

"you're really cute." oh shit, he said that out loud. your expression doesn't change, most likely because you're so surprised but he does see pink tinging your cheeks. 

"tha- right. oh! i mean, thanks. i- i guess?" you're really cute, he thinks. you quickly stand up, going back to your wardrobe with impressive speed, "right i need to, uh i need to pack some more clothes." 

you start shoving clothes into your bag, and jungkook worries he made you uncomfortable. 

"sorry, i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." he apologizes, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. 

you stop packing, a black garment in your hands when you turn back around to look at him. "no! it's not- I'm not- don't apologise- it's-" 

he raises his eyebrows at you, 

"I'm, I'm just embarrassed, sorry." 

"you don't have to apologize." 

"right! right, sorry." 

he chuckles at that, redirecting the conversation to another topic to avoid prolonging the awkwardness, "so, um." he doesn't really know how to bring it up but he decides to just go for it. "where have you been lately? i haven't seen you around that much." 

you continue packing some clothes and move to the desk to grab some more things. "oh, I've been kinda busy lately, with some-" you cough, "with some work. it's just some documents and things and yeah." 

he senses that you're trying to not to reveal too much which probably means it has something to do with why he's here. he decides to let it slide, not wanting to pry too much into it. "i see."

you zip up your bag once you're done, turning around to sit back beside him on the bed, "why? is something the matter?" 

"oh, no. it's just." he hesitates for a brief moment. "i just miss you, it's all." he grumbles underneath his breath, kind of embarrassed.

you take his hands in your and squeeze, "I'm sorry. i know it must be hard to adapt to a new environment without someone you're familiar with, right? I'll try to make more time, okay?" he wants to tell you he's perfectly adapted to his new environment and that he just misses spending time with you but he keeps his mouth shut, running his thumb across your knuckles. 

he nods but stays quiet, staring at your hands between his. "how about we go watch some movies? I'm free right now," you offer after hearing his prolonged silence.

his shoulders perk up at that, "really?"

smiling, you nod enthusiastically. "yeah! you can go pick a movie and I'll get some snacks downstairs." you stand up, pulling him with you out the door and guiding him to the room next door. 

he's never been to this room before. "I'll go get the snacks!" you shout as you quickly run downstairs, to the direction of the kitchen. 

the room is large, being one of the master bedroom, and cozy. half of the floor is covered with comfortable rug, soft enough to lay on with a large tv pressed against one of the walls. a shelf sat underneath it with a coffee table in front of it, surrounded by large sofas and multiple bean bags covered with blankets. 

he makes his way towards the shelf under the tv after turning on the light, browsing through the movie selection of the house. you come back a few minutes later with three large bags of potato chips and two bottles of water, dumping them on the coffee table before joining him in browsing for the perfect movie. 

he settles on the floor after picking the movie, leaning against the couch behind him so he can be closer to the chips. you lay down on the couch behind him, hand dangling over his shoulder to steal some of his chips instead. "you haven't seen this one yet, right?" he asks around a mouthful of chips. 

"no." you mumble into the couch, one hand unconsciously massaging the knots on his shoulder. he shivers at the sensation, willing himself to stay put. "do you know what kinda movie this is?"

"no." 

"it's a horror movie." 

"oh." 

he twists his body to look at you, "are you okay with that?" you blink sleepily at him, lips curving down into a confused pout, "yeah I'm fine with that." he nods at that and focuses back on the screen. 

he's pretty embarrassed to admit that he flinches more than you despite being the one who picked the movie but the feeling is overshadowed by his feelings of contentment to be able to spend some more time with you.

one movie turns into a marathon and before he realizes it, the both of you had fallen asleep, comfortable in each other's presence.

---

contrary to what you said, for the next couple of days, he actually sees less of you than before, only seeing you in the morning for breakfast. in fact, he had seen less of the others in the house too. it's like he's back in his apartment again, alone, just in a bigger space. 

today is the first time jimin had asked him to go to the gym again, citing that he was busy the last few days and unable to work out. he walks into the gym expecting to find jimin already on weights but is surprised when he sees you and yoongi at the corner of the room, sparring. 

"hope you don't mind." jimin says from next to him, wiping the sweat on his forehead with the towel around his neck. he jumps in surprise when he hears him, quickly shaking his head to bring his thoughts back, "no i don't mind it's okay." 

he steals a quick glance at you, eyes scanning over your practice clothes. flustered, he coughs when he sees you throw a punch to yoongi's rib, and averts his eyes somewhere else, feeling his cheeks heat up. 

not looking back at where you are, he makes his way to the treadmill at the other side of the room, putting his headphones on so he won't be tempted to look back. 

it's not like it's the first time he's seen you in a more casual, more revealing clothing. it's just that the sight amplifies the odd butterflies he feels on his stomach. 

he feels his heart beat a little quicker but he doesn't think it's the treadmill. for now, he'll shove it all into a box labeled "later" for him to address another time.

these past few days, he can feel the tension in the house rising without a single word being exchanged, and seeing you practice with yoongi confirms his thoughts. all of you were planning on something, he just doesn't know what. 

when he's done with his run, he takes off his headphones and moves to the weights. focusing  himself on his exercise instead of you, snapping his gaze up when he hears the door to the gym open. "(y/n), yoongi, come with me. we need to talk." soomin says, turning around to leave before receiving a confirmation. 

he sees you and yoongi stand up, gulping down water before walking out the door without so much of a nod of acknowledgement. before you close the door, you send an apologetic smile his way. 

he hopes everything's alright.

---

that night, he couldn't quell his curiosity and finds himself walking to your door after dinner. you didn't come down from the office for dinner, only appearing for a short while to grab a cup of coffee before disappearing back into your room. he knocks on the wood and waits, shifting his weight around when he doesn't hear any movement. 

he was about to turn around to leave when the door swung open, revealing you on the other side. if jungkook pays close enough attention, he can see the faint dark circles underneath your eyes. "hey jungkook. what's up?" 

"can i… can i talk to you?" he toys with the zipper on his jacket, gaze bouncing around to avoid looking at you. 

you step to the side to let him in, "sure. what do you want to ask?" 

"it's just, I'm just wondering." he sits on the chair next to the door while you take a seat on your desk where he can see piles of papers scattered on top of it. you tilt your head to the side in question, urging him to continue his question.

"why is everyone so busy lately? it seems like everyone's a little tense?"

you freeze at his question, eyes going wide for a split second before you sigh, slumping into the leather chair. "i guess i should tell you." 

he frowns, crossing his legs and placing his hands on his lap. "tell me what?" 

"we're publicizing the information tomorrow. regarding your father." 

he tries to process the words, he really did. tries to find a place in his mind where he can store the sentence, but he just couldn't. he doesn't know what to think. should he be upset? angry? terrified? sad? relieved? he doesn't know. 

he just feels numb.

you continue when you don't hear him speak, "he will be arrested and the money will be seized by the government. I'll try to damage control as much as i can so your family doesn't get the brunt of it." 

he didn't realize that you had moved to crouch down in front of him, placing a reassuring hand on top of his to bring him back from his mind. "we'll be returning from said vacation in about two days in pretense that we heard the news, and then I'll either get fired or resigned so my cover won't be blown. and i," you trail off, gripping his hand just a little tighter. 

"i really hope that you don't betray my trust. i know that, that it's risky. it's so, so risky to let you go with the amount of information you have on us. especially now that you know significantly more than anyone else ever involved with us. but i just, i can't let you get tangled in this mess much more. so i really hope that once all of this is over, i can let you go and you can move on with your life, try to forget about us. put all of this behind you and live happily.

"i hope that me trusting you with all of this won't be my downfall. because i know how easy it is for you to just walk to the authority and reveal everything you know about us. but i really really hope that my choice to believe in you won't hurt my team because i really don't want you to get hurt anymore either." 

his mind runs through every concerns you just revealed to him. pulling you onto his lap, he wraps his arms around your waist, face dangerously close to yours. "i don't want to forget about you." his voice is so faint that you doubt you'll be able to hear it if not for the proximity of your face. 

he closes his eyes and sighs, resting his forehead against yours. you place your hand on his shoulder, eyes softening at the emotions coloring his face. "it's my turn to talk now, okay?" he opens his eyes to stare at you, gaze more intense than that time he lost to mario kart. you nod mutely at his request. 

"i know you're scared of me holding this knowledge with me because you're scared that i might be angry at you and your team for what you're doing but it's not true." his gaze softens when he looks at you, soft lights framing your worried face. "I'm not angry at you, what you're doing is necessary, I'm more angry at him, angry at myself for not knowing but mostly angry at him for letting greed overcome him. so don't worry about me going to the authority, i won't."

he rubs comforting circles at the small of your back, watching as your posture relax slightly in his hold. "i also don't want to move on and forget about you. i don't want to lose you, don't want to put you and everything else behind me." it's obvious you want to interject, but you kept your promise of letting him talk. 

"despite it all, your team had become my friends too so i don't want to forget about them either. i hope that once this is all over, you'll let me stay by your side and be around you. i feel safer with you, I'm happier with you." he'll keep the rest of his confession to himself for now, deeming it not the right time just yet. 

you rest your head on his shoulder, hands unconsciously playing with their hair on his nape. "but i can't let you stay, it's dangerous and complicated." 

you sound so confused, so lost, unsure and uncertain, that all jungkook wanted to do is hold you tight to him and assure you it'll be alright. 

he rests his head against yours, "we'll figure it out. I'll be by your side, i promise." 

---

"Governer Jeon revealed to be involved in embezzlement."

"An anonymous tip was received last night, revealing that the well respected governor had been embezzling money from multiple public projects and storing them in an offshore account. Other than taking money from the goverment, it's known that he had also been receiving bribe money from multiple companies for various reasons for the past year. Many questions how he had been able to avoid detection for quite some time.

Since the information had been revealed, Governor Jeon had been arrested this morning and taken into custody to await for trials. All of the money will be seized by the goverment and will be redistributed back to the projects with lacking funds. 

It's revealed that all the money has never been used before other than paying other involved parties, except for a withdrawal of 5 million dollars a few months ago, apparently after the kidnapping of his son. Some posit a theory that the 5 million donations the next day have been from the people who took his son, determined to get the money the former governor had stolen back to it's rightful owner. 

Staffs and family members will be questioned by the police, but it is believed that none of his family members had been aware of his secret, being that he had never withdrawn the money for anything else, suggesting he was hoarding the money for himself for when his reign as the governor end next year.

Read more to find out about the full evidence submitted last night and other parties involved in the scandal."

---

jungkook busies himself by staying at the game room today, not in the mood to talk to anyone or accidentally listening to the news. it's not that he's angry at you and your team, he just doesn't want to know what kind of look they will give him. remorse? pity? disdain? 

he knows that they know he's not involved and that he's against it as much as them but he can't help but fear how the reveal might change their perspective on him. thankfully, they didn't bother him, letting him have his time alone to process everything. that, or maybe they're busy. he'd like to believe it's the former.

he also needs to brace himself for the hectic days that's to come when he gets back, no doubts he will be questioned by the police and quite possibly run into some news reporters, eager to write the story. 

he's glad that it's his break or he might lose his mind if he has to go to school on top of everything. he's restarting another game when the door opens, internally groaning to himself, he really doesn't want to be bothered today. 

he feels someone placing something on the desk next to him, it's a plate of noodles and a glass of milk. he turns his head to find you standing next to him, sending a quick smile before turning around to leave. 

he reaches for your wrist before you can take a step, patting the chair next to him when you pivot to look at him in question. you wordlessly comply, sitting down and scooting the chair closer to him. 

he's the first one to break the silence, "what am i supposed to do with the police and reporters?" 

"answer the police truthfully, they already know you're not involved, it's all just for show and protocol. same with the reporters, they just want confirmation for what they already know. I'll still be your bodyguard for the next few days, so I'll help you deal with them." 

" and if it makes you feel any better, your mom has arranged you another bodyguard for the time being."

he straightens at that, turning his chair to face you. "really? how did you know?" 

"she contacted me, said she'll assign another person to help because one probably won't be enough for now. at least until everything has settled." 

nodding, he grabs the glass and chugs the drink inside. you'd think he's taking a shot if it doesn't look like a glass of milk. 

you place a hand on his back, and he muses he likes it when you touch him. "it's gonna be okay jungkook. I'll be by your side, okay?" 

"i know." 

you spend the rest of the day in the game room with him, watching him play games by himself and occasionally making snarky comments from the side. nobody else came to bother him that day, a fact that he's grateful for. 

---

the morning came too soon for his liking, the day he has to go back and deal with everything causing his heart to beat loudly in nervousness. he hikes up the bag on his shoulder, waiting in the living room for you to come out of your room. 

haeun tosses his phone back to him and when he checks, he has hundreds of unread messages. some from his mom, a few from unknown numbers, and a lot from his friends. true to your words, it seems like everybody believes that his family and himself is in no way involved with the incident. most texts are asking if he's heard the news, if he's okay and to contact them back when he can. 

everyone seems to be aware that he's on a supposed vacation where he can't be reached and he's sure it's haeun's doing. 

he's still scrolling through his message when you come to stand next to him, with your own bags to make it look believable. "ready?" you ask.

shrugging in response, he shoves his phone into his pockets, deciding he'll deal with them later. "i guess." 

"alright, there's a car that'll come pick you up in a minute and it'll drive you back straight to your apartment." haeun tells him, walking up the stairs with a loaf of bread in her hands to get back to her room. 

a second later he sees a car pulling up to the front of the house, a sleek black SUV waiting for him. you settle yourself on the back seat, but he hesitates briefly before climbing into the car, this time without a threat of a gun pressed against his back. 

the drive is silent for the rest of the way and he's ought to thank you for that. he doesn't really want to think, let alone speak. instead, he spends his time going through his messages, replying to every message and deleting the unnecessary one, namely from press. he should probably change his number after this. 

soon enough, he arrives at his apartment building where a few reporters are waiting outside. it's not as crowded as he thought it'll be and he's glad for that. you slide out of the car before him, putting on your bodyguard persona once again before opening his door for him when you deem it safe.

they immediately rush to him, throwing questions after questions without listening for an answer first. thankfully, with your presence next to him, they don't crowd around him, standing far enough that he can still move around. he listens to what you told him last night, answering the necessary questions truthfully and that seems enough to placate them into letting him walk inside his building and away from them.

before he gets the chance to get inside the elevator however, he's stopped by your hand gently clasping around his wrist. "your mom's bodyguard is here." 

he looks to see a tall man walking his way, with a suit similar to yours and sleek back dark hair. "hello. I'm kim seokjin, your temporary bodyguard." 

he curtly nods in greeting, he just wants to get back to his apartment, not feeling like exchanging pleasantries with anyone. without saying another word, he speed walks to the elevator, pushing the buttons in agitation. 

in record speed, he reaches his door and before entering, addresses the both of you, "i want to be alone for the rest of the day, please. I'll come get you if i need to go outside." 

you nod in understanding, sending a glance to seokjin who also nods before walking to the end of the hallway. "are you gonna be okay?" you ask once seokjin is far enough. he purses his lips, "eventually," and close the door behind him. 

---

for the next few days, jungkook is preoccupied with the police and press, and when he's not going out to attend the meetings with the authorities, he stays inside and shuts himself out. you're starting to worry about him, but you know he really does need the time to himself. 

in the meanwhile, you familiarize seokjin with everything he needs to know, telling him that your contract is about to end and there's a possibility you're not going to be jungkook's bodyguard anymore. he had nod in understanding and promise to you that he'll do his best to protect him. 

you knock on the door to his apartment, nervously shifting in your place. when he opens his door, he looks exhausted, prominent dark circles decorating his face. worried, you frown, stepping inside his apartment and placing your hands on his face to examine him. 

"are you okay? you look like you haven't been sleeping." 

he closes his eyes at your touch, "yeah, yeah everything's fine, i don't know I'm just." he wraps his arms around your waist to pull you closer, resting his head in the crook of your neck. "there was just some things i needed to take care of. everything's fine now." 

you nod, bringing a hand up to rub his back. "i came here because i needed to tell you something." 

he hums, arms slightly tightening their hold on you. "i know, your contract ends tomorrow, right?" 

you hum in answer, pulling away from him to guide him to the couch. he sits close to you, resting his head on your shoulder and holding your hand between his. "so after tomorrow, you're not someone who works for me anymore." 

"uh huh." 

"so should i tell you i love you after your contract ends or can i tell you now?" 

you freeze in his hold, not expecting him to bring this topic up right now. both of you had been skirting around the conversation long enough. your heart skips a beat at his statement, and you try to supress the smile playing on your lips.  

"well, do you want me to tell you i love you too after or before my contract ends?" you don't know when you realize you were in love with him, but you have a feeling it's before he even fainted into your arms and had to be taken to your house. 

the realization wasn't a loud declaration, but more of a soft whisper at the back of your mind. when you told minhee about it, she had barked out a laughter and said "took you long enough to realize." 

he squeezes your hand, turning his head to place a tiny kiss on your jaw. "tomorrow then." 

laying on his bed that night, jungkook thinks tomorrow can't come soon enough.

---

the next day, you walk out of the office with lighter steps, your mission is done, your undercover role is thoroughly finished and you can finally go back to your house again. 

while packing your bags in your former apartment, you can't help but think about how jungkook will fit into the puzzle. he had stated that he wanted to stay, and had been pretty determined in his stance. you entertain the thought of him joining your team for a whole second before throwing it out the window. 

you don't want him to get hurt, you don't want him to be involved in something so complicated and confusing. you want him to be able to live normally and happily.

a knock on your door startles you out of your thoughts, you zip up your bag before placing it on the ground, opening the front door to find jungkook standing there with a big smile on his face. 

"can i come in?" 

you smile back at him, stepping to the side to let him in before closing the door behind you. 

you turn around to see him standing behind you, hands reaching out to pull you close to him. "I love you. I'm so in love with you." 

you wrap your arms around his shoulder, burying your face in the crook of his neck. you mutter loud enough for him to hear, "I'm in love with you too." 

the confession fills you with warmth and makes you feel lighter at the same time.

he moves the two of you back until he can sit down on the couch with you on his lap. "can't you just move into my apartment or something." he grumbles to your hair, hands splayed on your shoulder blade. 

you chuckle at his tone, peppering light kisses to the side of his neck that cause him to squirm. "no, i can't. I'm sorry." 

he sighs, "i guess it's fine." hesitantly, he asks, "i can still meet you and go to your place, right?" 

you pull back to look at him, pursing your lips in thought, mulling over the situation, "not yet." 

he frowns at that, "what do you mean?" 

"seokjin is your bodyguard now, you can't go anywhere without him and we can't have someone knowing about where we live or who we are, even though he has no idea about it." 

biting his lips, he closes his eyes in frustration. "so? am i supposed to wait until he's gone to see you?" 

you take his face between your hands, smoothing his eyebrows with your thumbs, "hey, i can still come over and meet you. you just can't go to our house. it'll be fine." 

his frown turns into a pout, one you want to kiss until it turns into a smile. so you gently place your lips on top of his, feeling as the corner of his lips turns upwards. he reciprocates the gestures, capturing your lips between his and pulling you impossibly closer to him. you pull back when you need air, jungkook chasing your lips before opening his eyes. you muse on how beautiful he look. 

"how about you come over to my apartment right now?" he playfully smirks at you, hands moving slowly down your back. you bit back a smile at his offer, "yeah? what for? i should be heading home right now, you know." 

he moves closer to your face, "just, you know. to play games." you try to contain your laughter, "no can do. gotta get going, have some errands to run." 

he pouts at your answer, moving to steal another kiss before relenting, "fine." 

standing up from your seat, you grin at him, slinging on the backpack and grabbing the bag you have with you, "maybe next time, kook." 

his face breaks out into a large smile at the mention of his nickname, eyes scrunching cutely. he stands to accompany you, reaching for your hand to intertwine with his. you meet seokjin on your way down, nodding at him in goodbye and gratitude. jungkook orders him to not follow him, garnering a protest from seokjin that results in a back and forth bicker between the two. you watch with amusement as seokjin lectures him, jungkook shooting back rebuttal in a playful manner.

eventually jungkook wins, letting the two of you have more time alone before having to depart. once you reach your car, you squeeze his hand one more time, reaching to plant a kiss on his cheek. he seems unsatisfied with it, moving to capture your lips between his once again.

you giggle into the kiss, feeling him smile underneath your lips. reluctantly, he parts way from you when minhee taps on the window impatiently. 

"I'll call you, okay?" 

"okay. I love you." 

you softly smile at him, eyes crinkling in endearment, "I love you too," and climb into the car. as the car drives away, you think, the two of you will be alright.

---

the sun shines brightly through the windows, causing you to groan and roll over to avoid accidentally blinding yourself when you open your eyes. the person next to you stirs, grip around your waist tightening momentarily before relaxing again. hoarsely, you cough out a question, "babe, did you forget to close the curtains last night?" 

jungkook mumbles in his sleep, something that sounds like "what are you talking about? what's a curtain?" you're not quite sure but it sure doesn't sound like "i didn't close it, I'm sorry." so you roll over again until you fall to the carpet, sitting up and dragging yourself to the window to pull the curtains close so you can go back to sleep. 

when you flop back onto the bed, you mumble sleepily into his ear, "kook, it's already 20 minutes past 8, you should probably hurry to your meeting with mirae and narae." at your words, he bolts up from his position, looking more awake like he had chugged 3 cups of coffee in one sitting. that's the effect the twins have on people, they truly hate it when people are late. 

he scrambles to change his clothes, not even bothering to go to the bathroom to freshen up, muttering a chant of "fuck shit they're going to be so fucking pissed. fucking damnit." 

he doesn't forget to kiss you before bolting out the door, slamming the door shut behind him as you hear his footsteps echoes through the house. if the twins don't get to him first, yoongi will, since you're sure he just woke him up. 

2 months ago you completed your mission and moved away from your apartment. 2 weeks later, you find jungkook at your doorstep with a proposition in his mind and no seokjin behind him. a week later, you watch as jungkook chugged a glass of beer mixed with hot sauce, something taehyung and haeun dubbed as "initiation" but jimin preferred to call it a "celebratory" drink as jungkook officially joined your team. 

it's been a little over a month since he settled into everything, and it seems like he adapted well enough into his new life. you smile to yourself at that. sure, you'd been apprehensive at first at the prospect but when you see how determined he is, you decided to relent and follow along. 

unsurprisingly, he's good at whatever task soomin threw his way, easily completing it in record speed and usually leaving her speechless when he goes to report to her. he also learned martial arts pretty quickly, something you know yoongi is pleased at because of how he call him his "best student" and "(y/n) it took you 5 months to learn this move and this guy got it in 2 days." which cause your eye to twitch in annoyance that you have to supress the urge to throttle yoongi. 

he hadn't been assigned any significant mission just yet, only helping others with theirs for now, but by the look of it, yoongi and soomin might let him lead his own mission soon, impressed by his capabilities. 

you look over to the clock at your bedside table, groaning to yourself when you see the 8:58 blinking back at you. deciding you won't be able to fall back asleep, you drag yourself downstairs to get some breakfast, remembering that yoongi is cooking today since soomin is out of town. the thought of yoongi cooking relieves you since the last time both of them were out of the house, haeun had managed to burnt 3 pots and broke two cups while taehyung stands to the side with a bucket of water in case something caught on fire. 

when you reach the kitchen, you find it to be empty, plates of waffles neatly stacked on the counter with some foil over it to keep it warm. you fix a plate for yourself and jungkook, sitting at the counter with a glass of orange juice next to you. 

before you finish your plate, you feel someone wrapping their arms around your waist from behind, jungkook's head resting against your shoulder. "i narrowly escaped their wrath." 

"yeah? how angry were they though?" 

"angry enough to keep me on garden duty while soomin is out of town." 

"huh, not too bad. once, taehyung was late for literally 47 seconds and they had his games restricted for a week." he hisses in sympathy, "yikes." 

"uhuh, they're going easy on you. i fixed you a plate of waffles already, and there's a new carton of milk for you in the fridge." you detach yourself from him, putting your dishes on the sink before turning to look at him. "i have some documents i had to send, so I'll be at the office, alright?" 

he kisses you deeply before you leave, one hand resting on the small of your back while the other holds the side of your face. 

"bro! this is a kitchen! take that shit somewhere else, some of us are single!" haeun screams from the doorway.

you part way from his lips, laughing loudly on your way out. "I love you babe." 

he shouts back from the kitchen, "I love you too!" 

yoongi shouts from his room. "shut the fuck up!" 

the house breaks into a laughter at that, and you reckon, the house feels warmer now.

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