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thephoenixandthecrocodile · 1 year

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The second week of NaNoWriMo is over and my pace of writing slowed down a bit. I’ve written 21K this week which means I’m still on target for the NaNo goal, as long as my pace picks up in the upcoming week. I’m also only on chapter nine, soooo scared about what the final wordcount for this book is going to be.

Feelings and Assassins

Plotwise, I finally moved on from the Vasily Saga and onto Part II, the Sinner Eaters aka my big bad Demon monarchs. Last update, I was struggling with Sophia’s inability to manage her own emotions and her refusal to communicate with her partners because of her fear that communication would ruin their relationship. Well, we moved on beyond that point, some secrets were shared, lots of tears were shed, and I think Sophia, Yidiresi (also known as Dmitri), and Vasily reached an understanding that could blossom into a romantic relationship again. Hopefully…otherwise I have to rethink a large part of the book. I wanted to do a tragic doomed lovers story but it may turn more into a doomed friendship/queerplatonic relationship, which still works. I think it just changes some mini-details and plot mechanisms, so I guess we’ll see how it develops.

After all the emotional melodrama, we finally moved onto hunting assassins who are hunting Vasily. I had fun drawing this questionable map of the theater where Vasily and his co-conspirators laid a trap.

Demons!!!

We end on a cliffhanger and jump back in time a few months to meet the Sin Eaters. They are three Demons who have proclaimed themselves leaders of the Demon people and are hunting for Vasily because he supposedly has a weapon that can kill God.

There is Rezan (one of his many names), who is the “king” and may be the first Demon aka Shardith, the servant/potential son of God who rebelled and was thrown into the Void. Or he’s just a talented mime/actor/baker who had the misfortune of being turned and is making the best of it.

There is Danijela, a recently turned Demon who is the “queen” and Rezan’s beloved, although I’m still figuring out how devoted they are to each other at this point in the story. Demons don’t retain their memories once they turn, but she has vague flashes of flowers and so she has a soft spot for father arrangements and plants, particularly the white tulip. She is following Rezan’s lead at this point because where else can she go, but I”m still working out her own feelings about what Rezan has in mind.

Finally, there is Yeremi, a recently turned Demon, but he is the werewolf variant of being a Demon whereas Rezan and Danijela are more aristocratic demons. Yeremi is coarse, rude, and extremely violent, but he is completely devoted to Rezan. He will literally do anything Rezan asks of him, even if it means bodily harm and death. Unlike Danijela, I don’t think he’s looking for more than being a Demon and killing.

Technically we’ve already met Rezan in the prologue, but since this is the first time the reader gets to know him on a personal level and get a better sense of his plans and motives, I want to get this introduction scene perfect. I’ve rewritten it three times because I just haven’t figured out the best way to approach the scene. First, I wrote it from the perspective of Timofey interviewing a survivor of the Demon’s attack, but that allowed Timofey to dominate the narrative around the Demons. I thought it was better to have the Demons introduce themselves. So then I tried to rewrite the scene so it was told from Rezan’s perspective, but something is missing. I’m frontloading all the details about what a Demon looks like and is, when I need to introduce the unholy trio and sprinkle the Demon specific details throughout the scene.

The one thing I’m going to have fun playing with is that there are three demons: Rezan, Danijela, and Yeremi and God has three “children” or special servants (depending on which religion you prescribe to): Amal Baris (always God’s Son), Shardith (the fallen servant/sometimes God’s son who creates the Demon people), and Death (sometimes God’s daughter who creates the Shadow people). In fact there are a lot of trios in this book: Rezan, Danijela, and Yeremi; Vasily, Sophia, and Yidiresi; Rashid, Nodira, and Turar; etc. It’ll be fun figuring out what it means and how the Church misinterprets those connections/relations.

So, that’s how my NaNo is going. How is your NaNo going? What are some wins from your first week? What are some of the challenges you’ve encountered? Goals for this week?

#queer writers #writers on tumblr #my writing #demon wip #nano 2022 #nanowrimo #demons #Rezan #Danijela #yeremi #writing update #nano update #writblr

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clementines-writing-corner · 5 months

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NANOWRIMO: the conclusion + learning from failure

Hello friends!

Long time, no see! ᕱ__ᕱ These past two weeks I have been giving myself a little break from this blog. I have been swamped with final projects in all of my classes and have been trying to balance getting all of them done with middling success. I’m not thriving, but I am surviving.

However, to make up for my absence, I will be giving y’all some extra content within the next two weeks. In those posts I won’t be boring you with my rambles as I usually do and instead will simply be giving you some content that I have created for my novel! In this post, though, I will be updating you on my novel’s progress and giving you my thoughts on NANOWRIMO.

For those of you who have been here for a bit, you will know that I attempted to participate in National Novel Writing Month for the first time this November. (As always, here is a link with more info about NANOWRIMO for your perusal.) My personal goal as a full time student with a part time job, was to write a 25,000 word manuscript instead of the full 50,000 words. November has ended and I am happy to report that I failed. I failed to reach even my cut down goal. However, I am surprisingly really happy with my progress this month. I learned a lot about myself as a writer and about my process and while I didn’t manage to write even a 10,000 word manuscript, I feel much more prepared to tackle writing this novel.

~*~*~

So, here are the things that I learned:

Character design and building is VERY important to me

This, I already knew. One of the main things that bother me about book to movie translations or “hot takes” about books on social media or even some fanfictions is that characters, their personalities and development and relationships, are often either misunderstood or sacrificed for the plot or the sake of another character's development. It’s so annoying. I personally belief that every character in a work of fiction should be able to stand on their own, especially if they are a main or secondary character. Characters should be their own individuals with their own motivations and backstories and for goodness sake they should be consistent! (Crappy character development is a thing that bothers me about published novels too. The wasted potential of Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, and Draco Malfoy, among countless other characters, in the Harry Potter novels bugs me so, so much!!)

So, one of the things that happened everytime I sat down to write this NANOWRIMO was that I would find myself getting “stuck” on this character’s backstory or that character’s personality. I have 13 characters that exist for this story in my head. 2 are the main main characters. The 11 others are also going to have their own plot lines and spin offs. Before NANOWRIMO, I knew that this would make my novel complex. After NANOWRIMO, I realized that I was going to have to organize and map and structure and detail my characters (along with several other things) to the metaphorical gods before I even try to manuscript anything or else I am going to be stuck forever and I will never get this book out of my head.

Worldbuilding is also VERY important to me

This was a bit of a surprise. I am definitely no Tolkien and before I started this blog, and my creative writing journey, at the beginning of this fall, these original characters simply just floated around in my head in a vague fantasy realm with no discernible structure or detail. I expected to be able to just continue with this vague fantasy world and as I started writing let the structure fall into place. Yeah… that’s not what happened.

As I began to outline character backstories and a basic plot to start writing, I would find myself drawing up short when I needed to insert a detail about the world in which my story is taking place. This month made me realize that I need to also worldbuild to the metaphorical gods before I try to manuscript anything, and in some cases before I try to go deeper into outlining my character’s backstories and such as well. I’m such a detail oriented person that I have no idea why this didn’t occur to me before, especially because I am including a magic system in my book. I hate fantasy books (that are meant to be serious and not just cozy reads) in which the magic systems rely on the “because it’s magic” excuse and the author doesn’t make any attempt at giving at least some sort of structure or rules. So yeah. I really need to worldbuild, which I am going to hate because it is going to take FOREVER (detail oriented person).

I work better on lists and schedules

This I did know, but I didn’t realize it applied to my writing. A lot of the reason why I failed to write anything of substance for the plot of my book is that I thought I could just throw myself in and make it up as I go. Incorrect. As November passed, and I kept getting stuck on details, I realized that I would need to incorporate my penchant for planning and list making if I was ever going to complete a task this large.

Also, side note, but I keep referring to this story that I’m writing as a novel. It will most certainly not be a novel. It will be a whole dang book series. (13 characters!! Who will each get their own POV at some point!! “A novel” my a**.)

I can throw myself head first into school essays and short writing assignments no problem, but with a story this big, all coming straight from the mess I call my brain, I need to do a lot of planning beforehand. That, above all, is what this failed NANOWRIMO taught me.

~*~*~

So! Now that I have torn my failure to shreds and dissected all the little pieces and given yall a short (yes that was short for me - I’m starting to think you guys don’t know me at all ᕱ__ᕱ) summary of who, what, when, where, and why my failure occurred, what’s next. Well, I plan. I outline to the metaphorical gods (as I seem to be fond of saying in this post), and next year, when November rolls around, hopefully I have done enough planning and outlining and detail work that writing a 50000 word manuscript should be a breeze!

That’s all for now folks! If any of y’all are curious as to some of what I did manage to get done on my novel/series over NANOWRIMO then stay tuned for the first of your special content posts which should be up within a few minutes of me posting this. Also, if any of y’all have suggestions about how to store/order worldbuilding content in an easily searchable way that would be fantastic!! Please do let me know. Thanks for bearing with me! ᕱ__ᕱ

And remember, dot your j’s and cross your t’s!

~Clementine J. Quincey 🪷

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the-last-airbadger · 3 years

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My 2020

Hey y’all. So 2020 happened. That was a thing. Apparently. I know for a lot of people this year was uhm… pretty shit… but it was still a year that happened so it’s time for my annual reflection post (probably the only time I still post about myself on tumblr lol) and maybe we might even find some good things that happened this year!

The Beginning of 2020 vs Now

So, a lot has changed since the start of the year. A pandemic happened, for one. I can’t believe that a year ago I could still go to class every day and see my friends and now I’m pretty much stuck at home every day. The year started out pretty normal and then march happened and well, you all know what happened next. The worst part about the pandemic for me personally was probably the fact that I barely see my friends anymore and I can’t go to class every day. Some people may not think that not going to class is that bad, but I really enjoyed university more than I ever enjoyed school and I was really happy going there every day, and I was already sad I’d only have 4 to 5 years to spend there, so when that period got even shorter it made me kinda sad.

On the other hand, I do think that mentally I’m in a much better place than I was last year around this time. Being home this much really gave me time to reflect and work on my issues, and because my sister was stuck in our house for a couple of weeks I got to talk to her a lot which really helped me feel better. I think in general my entire family (my brother, sister and mom) have become a lot more open with each other which I think is great! I guess quarantine can have some benefits.

The Best Things about 2020

Okay, here’s is where we’re going to get even more positive and go over all the good things that happened (to me) this year! To be honest, most of the year was a bit of a blur so I probably will forget quite a bit, but I’m going to give this a try anyway. At the start of the year (when things were still normal) I was super excited to get into the next semester, as the one before had,,, kinda sucked, and those 6 weeks of class I had at the start of the year were really great. I remember me and my friends having a competition of who could get mentioned the most in our teacher’s powerpoint presentation so those classes were always interesting. I also finally got to dye my hair for the first time with the help of my friends. I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, and I’m so happy I finally got to do it! I even know how to do it myself now, and my hair hasn’t been brown since the start of march! Then, at the start of march, my dad and stepmother moved away and I permanently moved in with my mom. Before, I used to live with both my mom and my dad and I got really really sick of switching houses every week, so to finally live in one house and have all my stuff in one place was a bit of a relief to me, and I’m still really happy with it. After that, things become a bit blurry. I remember that at the start of quarantine in … April? I watched Sex Education or the first time, which is now not only one of my favourite shows ever, but also taught me a lot and helped me with some of the issues I was dealing with. We’ll skip over the subsequent sexuality crisis I had (I think I might actually be straight??), and skip straight to the summer, when I started watching I-Land. I watched every episode as it aired live, and because of this show my Fridays really became the highlight of the week. I don’t think I’ve ever been so invested in a survival show XD. The rest of the year was mostly just me spending time with myself. It got a bit lonely sometimes, but I also don’t think I’ve ever written as much as I have this year, and my drawing has significantly improved (if I may say so myself)! Especially towards the end of the year, when I started making a planning every day to prevent myself from wasting away all my time on youtube, I got super productive, and I wrote a lot, and made a lot of art, and I really felt good. I even started (gasp) working out. Yeah I know. Shocking right.

There was also a lot of good music that was released this year, and, to close this section on a great note, through one of my classes I finally found a group of friends to play D&D with! We haven’t actually played yet, but we will, and I’m so excited to play the game and get to know these people more! They all seem really kind!

My Resolutions for 2020?

Now, here’s the part where we check whether I actually reached all the goals I set myself for 2020. As usual, I have no idea what my resolutions were, so I honestly have no idea how I did. Let’s see, shall we?

Express my feelings more (as in I get really awkward in any sappy or mushy situation but I would like to be able to tell people I appreciate them without cringing) – UHM way to attack me on the very first resolution jeez. I did get more open with my family but I still can’t tell people I care about them without cringing so this is a fail lol

Again, learn to depend less on other people’s opinion and trust my own – I’ve been working on it, I think I’ve gotten a bit better? So win?

Get my sleeping schedule back on track – did that! It’s a bit whacky again now because of the holidays, but October and November were a big success regarding this resolution

WRITE MORE. This time I’ll make some concrete goals: Either I’ll get my story’s first draft done, or I’ll write 100 pages on a single project – okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t think I did any of these particular things, however this time I am 100% sure I wrote a lot more than the past years. I cannot count all the files and pages and notes I have now, but I wrote a lot, so I’m counting this as a win

I want to try NaNoWriMo (not necessarily in November, but at some point) – yeah, didn’t do that oops

I want to read a lot again but maybe not as much as this year because I want to focus on writing too. 40 books? – 49 books babey

Read all my current unread books (Aru Shah 2, Skullduggery Pleasant 9, Gemina, The Mistborn Trilogy and Call Down The Hawk) and finish my reread of Heroes of Olympus and the Raven Cycle) – Did all of these except Skullduggery Pleasant 9 (the start was so boring I decided not to read it all) and The Mistborn Trilogy (I am about halfway through the first book I think?) so I’m counting this as half a win

Finally read a book by V.E. Schwab (I’ve been wanting to try one of her books for ages) – Did that! Read a whole trilogy. It was good but not as great as I expected them to be. I think my expectations were too high though

Finish Playing Twilight Princess (I promised my brother) – Did that! I’m really proud of myself and so is my brother

Go. Swimming. Seriously. It’s scandalous that I still haven’t done that after waiting so long to be able to – IT’S BEEN 5 YEARS SINCE I LAST WENT SWIMMING WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I did buy new swimshorts but I still haven’t actually used them… shame on me

Try to worry less about school and not overwork myself – kinda?

Maybe try another drawing challenge somewhere this summer? I haven’t done any of those in a while and I feel like my art needs more attention – okay, so I didn’t do that, but I did at the start of the year make the resolution to make portrait/photoshoot-like drawings for my 8 main oc’s, and I did actually manage to finish that, and they are some of the best drawings I’ve ever made, so though I haven’t actually done a challenge specifically, I did do something

I want to try a 24 hour readathon – Yeah, didn’t do that oops

I kinda want to learn a piano piece as well, but I already have so many hobbies I want to focus on so I don’t know if I’ll have the time ☹ – yeah my dad sold our piano so… fail XD

Expectations for 2021

Now, after last year I think it’s safe to say we can never really know what to expect. But! I’m going to guess anyway because it’ll be really fun to see next year whether I got anything right.

The first thing that I think will probably happen this year (if I don’t majorly mess anything up) is I’ll be writing my thesis next semester, and then in the summer I’ll get my bachelor’s degree. Honestly I can’t believe how fricking fast those 3 years went, but I guess I’ll just have to roll with it lol. Corona vaccinations will also probably start happening next year, and hopefully this will mean that going outside and seeing my friends will be possible again next year – at least a lot more than it was this year. I hope 2021 will be the year of hanging out with friends and getting to live a little again. Maybe even get to go to class. That would be great.

On to more minor – but no less exciting – things, 2021 will probably bring us a new season of Sex Education! I’m sooo excited for that holy shit. And, in a similar vein, I have high hopes for kpop releases now that SHINee is finally back, and it looks like Haseul is also returning to LOONA! 2021 will also be the year in which ENHYPEN makes their first comeback, and some of the other I-LAND contestants will also make their debut, and there might even be a new season of I-LAND as well in the summer? So there’s a lot of things to look forward to. Oh, and I almost forgot, Dan Howell’s book will be released in May, and there will be a new Grishaverse book, and the Shadow and Bone show will start airing, which I am really curious about. Again, lots of things to look forward to!

2021 Resolutions

I’m not feeling as ambitious as I was last year, but there are a couple of things I want to try and do, so let’s jump into the resolutions!

I just came up with this today, but I think I want to try and build a bit of a skincare routine? The skin on my nose is kinda flakey, and I think it couldn’t hurt to try and take better care of my skin

Keep up with my daily workouts. I want to work out every day, except when I’m at my dad’s or when it’s a special day, like Christmas or something.

Be able to do either 50 push-ups on my knees, 25 normal push-ups, or both

GO SWIMMING

Keep up with planning daily! It’s a really good way to balance all of my 3195 hobbies and it helps me to not get stressed about school

Write (almost) every day. I need to make it a habit

Draw at least once a week, every other day if possible

Go outside at least once a week. That doesn’t seem very hard but with corona I did not realise how little I go outside if I am not forced to. Sometimes I spend 3 weeks without going out and I don’t even notice it. That can’t be good for me lol

Try to make healthier food choices. Maybe follow the lunch meal plan of the guy whose workout videos I follow.

Get my bachelor’s degree

Grow a beard. I’m getting closer… I know I’m getting closer…

Meet with my frIENDS and give them the alBUMS I have for them

Be more careful with my money, maybe even save a bit of money

Spend less time on social media

Read more educational books

I think that’s it! I can’t think of anything else right now so these will have to do. I wish that 2021 will treat all of you much better than whatever mess 2020 was! Happy 2021!

Last year’s post: (x)

@the-official-pentacorn @asiandutchgirl

#personal #my 2020 #this year was a wild ride #here's to a better 2021

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codevassie · 4 years

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Word & Goal Tracking -- Word-Count Goal Chart

This week we have another tool for tracking word-count: a goal chart! This time, it’s less about keeping track of our words and more about motivating us to reach our goals. This post will be a shorter one because this is a pretty simple method, and a very easy chart to make. However, I find that it’s still useful and pretty different to the spreadsheet. Hopefully, you’ll find it useful in some way as well.

To start out, I’ll explain how exactly this chart works. If you see the picture above, it shows a row of boxes filled with word goals. When you reach the word goal, you fill the box in with color. I find that this method motivates me in a way that only seeing my current word-count on the spreadsheet does not. By using this chart, you are not only seeing how far you’ve come, but where you are going.

The chart above shows my progress throughout the whole year, split up by month. Since my goal is 200k, each month is roughly another 16,667 words. Figuring out a goal that works for you may take some experience, especially if you’ve never kept track of how much you’ve actually written in a whole year. It might be good to try something moderate and add on from there or start only doing monthly or daily goals until you figure out what a good long-term goal would be.

Speaking of smaller goals, you can see that I not only keep charts for the year, but for individual months as well. This one is longways, and that’s mostly just for the layout of my corkboard. You, of course, may chose to format yours differently.

I have each month divided into twelve spaces out of a whim. I had created the year chart first, and decided to space the month out the same, dividing the numbers between these spaces for that time. And I actually really like it! I find that this configuration lets me color in spaces often enough to motivate me, but doesn’t make it tedious or less exciting to do so.

Each month’s numbers start where the last month’s chart ended, however, I believe this is something I’ll change in next year’s charts. Personally, I think starting over and seeing that 16,667 words is all I need for the month will help my brain to understand the goal is attainable. Besides, the year chart already shows how far I’ve come throughout the year.

Sometimes, if I’m trying to get a certain word-count in a day, I’ll create a mini-chart to help (shown above). You can also make charts for different projects as well, like one story you hope will be X amount of words. I once used this method for NaNoWriMo a lot, in fact.

As you can see, I also give myself rewards at times on these charts. I typically only bother with rewards on daily charts as most of the things I come up with are along the lines of “make coffee,” “lunch break,” “candy!,” “scroll the internet,” etc etc. Little rewards can be a bonus motivator if you’re looking for something a bit more fun.

In fact, overall I think this method is a lot more fun than the spreadsheet for many reasons. It gives you more freedom to be creative and decorative, for example. I love to choose different colors, fonts, and patterns to include on my charts because I’ll hang it on the corkboard in front of my desk.

It is also simple to make. I don’t even use a ruler for my edges, as you can see. Trying to make it perfect every month would stress me out, so I stick to what’s best for me. And if you try out this method, you should do what’s best for you. Maybe my wobbly lines stress you out. Understandable--I’ve got plenty of things like that. Maybe you’d like to print yours out. I’m sure a simple one column table on Word or Docs will be sufficient. Maybe you’d just want to keep it on the computer or draw it into a journal. Whatever it is, take ownership of your charts and get the most out of them.

Do you use anything similar? Or are you going to try it out? What sort of things are different in yours? What will you change from mine? As always, I’d love to hear from you!

@prox-xima

#code rambles #writing #word & goal tracking #i'm sorry for how big that one pic is #i am incapable of understanding how to size pics #anyway hope you enjoyed!#next week: daily calendar

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clevercatchphrase · 4 years

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2019 year in review

So… The 2010’s are almost over. Huh. What a decade it’s been. Hard to comprehend how much has changed in 10 years. I can barely believe that I was in high school at the beginning of this decade, and now I’m a college graduate with 2 degrees who’s been working at the same job for the last 3 years. But trying to summarize the past 10 years in a single post is a good way to give myself an existential crisis, so let’s not do that! Instead, let’s just focus on 2019 because there has been more than enough shit that’s happened to me in this year to talk about.

PART 1 OF 2: 2019 AND 2020 GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS

Huh, looking back through my archives, I apparently didn’t make a tumblr post about my goals this year. I definitely had some, though. Lemme list ‘em off real quick, and then we’ll go through them point by point.

1) Pay off all my student loans 2) Finish some song comics 3) Make art for my Redbubble account 4) Finish the first rough draft/script of a game I wanted to make 5) Practice ASL 6) Sew some stuffed animals 7) Finish some fan fictions 8) Work on Ghost Switch 9) AMVs 10) Do some original writing 11) Make illustrations for my fan fictions

Okay, first off, the student loans. I was actually SO CLOSE to successfully completing this one bUT THEN MY CAR HAD TO BE A WHINEY PISS BABY AND HAVE ITS ALTERNATOR DIE ON ME WHILE I WAS ON THE HIGHWAY AND THEN A BLOW OUT THREE WEEKS LATER.

GOD, if I had to summarize this year in two words, for me it would be “Car troubles”. I swear I spent more on auto repair in the first third of this year than I ever have just freakin’ OWNING a car. All four of my tires had to be replaced, my alternator failed and my car literally just SHUT OFF while I was driving, and I was barely able to coast into a gas station. Both my front breaks and rear breaks were worn down the metal and I only learned this when my car was barely able to stop after I had to slam the petal down full force! I went in for an oil change, and they found some problems and then I didn’t get my car back for three days! I don’t even like owning a car! I hate driving! I hate my country’s refusal to provide universal, free public transportation! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!

Oh-kay… number 2. Finish some song comics. I didn’t finish any. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t work on them. I have made tiny progress, but that’s certainly better than no progress. One of these song comics I hope to be realizes is going to be a collab with one of my friends. It’ll be a long-time coming as it’s pretty low priority for the both of us, but if anyone else out there was disappointed with KH3’s ending, we’re gonna have ya’ covered… With SONG!

3. Make some redbubble art. I actually did this one! Not in the way I expected, but I added (technically) 3 new designs to my redbubble in the middle of the year. If you like butterflies and dragons, I got some product for you~!

Number 4, finish a script for a game I want to make. I… thought about this. I thought about this a lot, but I never put pen to paper, so… oops. It almost happened! I debated making this my main writing project for NaNoWriMo this year, but ended up having more inspiration for another story. Maybe next year? (god, I hope not. I don’t want to wait a full year just to write something)

Number 5, practice ASL. I just straight up didn’t do this and I only have myself to blame. Still keepin’ up that Danish Duolingo streak, though. 4 years going strong and not a day missed yet.

Number 6, sew some stuffed animals. Again, another one I just straight up didn’t do, but I have an excuse of trying to save money while my car crashed and burned in every other sense except literal this year. Hopefully 2020 will be different. I’ll definitely be able to pay off this last loan within the first half of 2020, and then I can start saving for whatever I want to buy.

Finish some fan fictions was number 7, and I did this! Well, I only finished, 1, but it was a story I’ve been working on for over 3 years, and it came out to over 200 THOUSAND words long, which is the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I’m quite proud of myself. Now that the big story is out of the way, and I’ve gotten into a good rhythm of working on Ghost Switch, maybe I can squeeze in some short writing sessions more frequently. (either that, or just wait for my car to break down again and then go on a writing spree in a pepboys. The lord and the fan fic discord know that’s solely why I finished my other fic this year)

Speaking of Ghost Switch, working on it was a goal this year too, and I did that! I kept it up all year and took a vacation in November and it was wonderful. While the major plot points have been in place since before I started drawing, I still need to script each arc beyond Snowdin, but hey, by the time we get there, it’ll be 2022 so I got time. (Note, don’t do this, kids. Script your stories and comics thoroughly before publishing. The road I’m on is paved with misery and pain and it will only end in tears unless I change lanes soon)

Number 9, amvs. Do people make AMVs anymore? Idk… the last one I made was... Jesus, 5 years ago? (it was a gravity falls/fall out boy crossover, if you were curious) I’ve been wanting to do 2 more for just as long, but in order for me to do that, I’d have to spend time re-watching the shows to find the footage, and then actually edit them together, and I just don’t…. feel like it. Maybe someday, but not any day soon.

10; do some original writing. I did this! For nanowrimo! I wrote the first draft of some original fiction I’ve been planning for a year or two now and it completely sucks! But it’s on paper now and I’m happy. Will I revise and edit it? Sure, but not for a while. I want to let it sit and forget about it and look at it with new eyes months from now so I can be sure I can make it better when time comes to rewrite.

11, make illustrations for my fan fics. Now that You Monster is done, I want to go back and add pictures to it. I didn’t do any this year, but I did keep a list of scenes I wanted to draw, so I have plenty of ideas to do as warm up sketches next year~ I kinda want to stream them~

So, that was 11 goals, and I successfully fulfilled 4 of them! That’s! Not a very good ratio… QmQ So, goals for 2020. Some I’m gonna keep from this year, some I’m gonna drop and some I’m gonna add. In short I would like to,

1) Finish paying off that last student loan 2) Put more stuff on my redbubble 3) Illustrate my own fan fics 4) Sew at least one stuffed animal 5) Make an enamel pin 6) Read one new book a month 7) Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic 8) Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make 9) Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch 10) Boost my patreon

Most of these I think are pretty self-explanitory, but I’ll go into detail just a bit because I’m on a roll and typing my thoughts helps me feel less alone in the middle of the night when you’re super tired and you know you should probably go to sleep, but the toddler in you is throwing a tantrum and doesn’t wanna go to sleep just yet, but you can’t fight the progression of time either way.

Number 1- I should be able to reach this goal by the end of March. End of June at the absolute latest. Once that goal is met, my secret new year’s resolution will be unlocked as well!

Number 2- I want to put more art of my OCs on redbubble. These OCs are tied to the game I want to make. There’s already some art of them up there, but I want at least one piece for each character.

Number 3- Mostly for You Monster. Embrace the cardinal rule of fan fic and apply it to fan art. If you want to read about see art about certain ideas, scenarios, or what-ifs, you gotta make it yourself.

Number 4- I have 3 potential ideas to sew. One is definitely leagues easier than the other two and will probably be chosen if/when I have the time and materials.

Number 5- This year I got really, REALLY into the idea of making enamel pins. Unfortunately it’s a pretty big investment (like, $350 to make 100 pins you might not even sell). If this happens, it’ll probably be towards the end of the year, and if I get enough interest. I’m currently torn between making an original enamel pin and one based off Undertale. We’ll just have to see where this goes.

Number 6- Back in 2018 when I paid off one of my many student loans, I rewarded myself by spending over 200 dollars in used books. All these books had a theme; they were focused on dragons because I have a problem. I have not yet read a single one of these books I have bought, and I would like to fix that. I have, like, 20 unread dragon books, and even if I only read 12 out of 20, I would consider that an amazing accomplishment and money well spent.

Number 7- I currently have about 8 different WIPs I could work on. (well, I don’t know if I can even call them wips. More like, a general idea and a title written down.) I want to build good writing habits, and if I can write just 200 words a day, hell, even 200 words a week and just one of my 8 stories done, I would consider this goal met.

Number 8- I’m torn between making my game in unity or ren’py. I know jack shit about both. Ren’py is more user friendly, but unity will allow me more customization. (Lol, can you guess what kind of game I want to make yet?)

Number 9- I really just want the full story to be done and written incase anything goes horribly terribly wrong in my life and I find myself unable to continue making ghost switch in comic form. Then at least I can finish the story by other means, you know?

Number 10- It always surprises me every month when I get that patreon email saying I got paid. Sure, I don’t even make double digits on it, but it still awes me enough to know that people out there like my work enough to throw me a tip. I can’t thank my patrons enough for supporting me and I hope to one day be in such a good place I can update my comic/song comics/writing frequently enough without need for goals or milestones. But until that magical day arrives, money is always a great incentive for anything, I suppose. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT. PART 2 OF 2: SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2019

Cheesus crust what a year. This year started off great! Back in late January Kingdom Hearts 3 FINALLY released, and let me tell you a little story. Back in the summer of 2006 I was a 13 year old middle schooler with no way of making money other than by doing house hold chores at a rate of 25 cents a task. A few weeks ago, I had a sleep over at a friend’s house and they let me play this weird game called “Kingdom Hearts” and god, I was instantly hooked on it. That summer, I did over 800 chores, enough to earn myself 200$ and buy myself a playstation 2 (just in time for the ps3 to come out, gg me) The only games I had for the ps2 were KH1, 2, Re:CoM and Okami, and I beat them all… except Okami. Miffed that the PS3 wouldn’t allow for backwards compatibility, little 13-year-old me made a promise. I looked myself in the mirror and said “I will not buy the next playstation console until KH3 comes out, AND BOY that was probably a good choice for me to make with my level of gaming. I’m even less of a casual gamer than the average casual gamer, but I have been waiting 13 years for this piece of closure, and I even told my friends and family that “the day Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out is the day I will buy a playstation 4”. My dad apparently thought this was the funniest shit, because he literally took the day off from work that Friday to drive me on base to get the game and console (he thought it would be less crowded than a regular walmart, I suppose). I paid $400 on a ps4 pro while he bought me the game. Again, I have an impecible sense of timing seeing as the PS5 is now right on the horrizion, but just like before, I’m not buying a new console until the next KH game is released. See you in 2045, sony~. While I was at the gamestop on base, I also picked up Okami HD and The Last Guardian. For all of February and even early March, I took my time playing through KH3. And…! It was the best disappointment I’ve ever played. After a month away from gaming, I started The Last Guardian and finished it in a couple weeks. I love trico and would die for him, but trying to get 100% completion on that game is udder insanity. Okami, HD, however… again after a month break after finishing TLG, I started replaying Okami. I think I had only managed to get about halfway through the game before I just… stopped playing it on my ps2 version. I am currently SO CLOSE to getting a 100% on the ps4 version. In fact, I’ve beaten the game. I only (techinically) need 2 more trophies to be done; 1st, escape the water dragon without being eaten, 2nd, I need to beat that dumb stupid race with Kai, in order to get the last bead on my rosary, as well as the top dog trophy. I hate her so much. I hate this race so much. It’s awful and bad.

Flash forward to December! Earlier this month I was at Barnes and Noble, buying myself a planner for 2020. I exit the store and notice that there’s a gamestop across the street. For shits and giggles I go inside to look at their game selection, and I find KH 1.5 and 2.5. Now, my PS2 died a few years back (it just won’t read my discs anymore, I don’t know why) and I haven’t been able to replay any of my other kingdom hearts games since. If you had seen me the day I finished kingdom hearts 3, after the ending credits rolled, you would have heard me say “Man…. I wish I could play kingdom hearts 2 again”. AND NOW I CAN, ALONG WITH BBS which I had never even played yet, but knew the story of. I’ve restarted playing kh1, and I was so happy to hear that familiar music when I booted the game up for the first time. While at the game stop, I also picked up Rime and Tearaway, two games that had looked interesting to me. At the time of writing, I’ve finished Rime and am 25% done with tearaway. Rime was…. An interesting experience. I learned about it through Jacksepticeye’s channel a couple years back and thought the art style was enticing. For a super casual gamer like me, I found the puzzles just the right level of challenging and exploring was a blast! The music gave me VERY strong Princes Mononoke vibes, but the overall story left something to be desired. Overall I had fun, and enjoyed completing this game to 100%. Now for tearaway. Can I just say this game is super fucking adorable? I know the original was on the ps vita and the gameplay there was arguably more diverse and imaginative, but this game is just so fucking cute I don’t care?? ALSO, this game’s sound track is ABSOLUTELY incredible and I’ve only heard the first fourth of it! Listen to The Orchards, Pig Riding, and Gibbet Hill Pilgrimage for a taste of their wonderful beats and fantastic use of string and woodwinds! God, I’m so excited to get some more games in 2020. I’m proud to say I currently own more ps4 games than I ever did with my ps2 (and now the majority AREN’T Kingdom Hearts titles!), and I’m still hoping to play Journey, The Witness, and Abzu before everything becomes ps5.

What else happened to me this year. Oh, I went to a doctor for, like, the first time in seven years. I also had my blood drawn for the first time ever, and the nurse said the most disturbing thing to me while she did it. Now, whenever I get shots, I refuse to look. I did that here. So she thought it would be appropriate to say to me “Can you feel your blood leaving your body?” Lady… You can clearly see I am uncomfortable with what is happening here. Why, of all the things you could say, did you choose to say that. Unfortunately, while my doctor is nice, she keeps wanting to run tests on me, that I just cannot afford with my current salary, and my monthly insurance is about to go up to 200$ a month, so I’ve cancelled my next appointment with them, and don’t plan to go back until it’s absolutely necessary. Capitalism is fun, guys. Preventative healthcare is for wusses.

I started going to a chiropractor on a monthly basis. Story time- I don’t know when it started, but sometime late last November I began to notice that I had a headache that just... wasn’t... going away? And each day it was starting to get a little worse. It made it hard for me to find a comfortable position to sleep, it made it hard for me to be in bright areas or move fast. So I said to myself “Okay, if this headache persist through the month of december, then something is proooobably wrong and I should go see someone about it. And hoo-boy were thing wrong with me. By the time this January rolled around, I couldn’t even stay on my feet for more than a few hours without it physically hurting to just BREATHE. So I started going to this chain called The Joint (A+ name, I know). THey aksed me “How are you doing?” I said “I’m in pain” and they said “We can help fix that!”. I’ve only been to a chiropractor once before in my life a few years back after my freshmen year of college because I began to notice my hips weren’t able to support me? LIke, I would lie on my back, and I couldn’t push my hips up when my feet were flat on the floor. I also couldn’t climb anything steep, because my legs just couldn’t push me up if my knee had to bend more than 90 degrees when I lifted my leg up. (Turned out both my hips were apparently out of place). This time only one of my hips were out of place (which they fixed. they said one of my legs was an inch “longer” than the other because I had been leaning all my weight on one leg when I stand). But two of my ribs were apparently “Stuck” which was why it was hurting for me to just breathe, and one of my shoulders was missaligned too, causing one of my trap muscles to constantly be streched, which was pulling on my skull, and causing the headache. Anyway, after they popped all my bones back into place, I still felt terrible, but by god, that night was the first time in weeks I was able to sleep without a migrane. A chiropractor can’t magically heal your arthritis, or fibro, but I definately think they have merit to keeping your posture good and helping your body with things like circulation. 10 outa 10, would recomend. It’s all the fun of getting your neck snapped without the dying!

Earlier this month I got together with two of my friends and we baked Christmas cookies. It was a lot of fun, as well as a great learning experience. A member of my family has a gluten allergy, so we used rice flour for most of the cookies. We learned this is a bad idea! The cookies will just fall apart! A few member’s in one of the friend’s family have nut allergies. Other friend and I knew this and were careful to avoid cookie recipes with nuts, bUT THEN COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT ALMOND MILK AND ALMOND EXTRACT COUNT AS NUT. IN FACT, ALMOND EXTRACT IS PURE CONCENTRATED NUT JUICE AND WE FELT SO BAD FOR ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY POISONING THE FAMILY.

Earlier this year me and these same friends took a field trip to Hobby Lobby and just dicked around the store for a couple of hours. It was super fun, 11 outa 10, would recommend, a great date idea for your artsy S.O.

Back in May I went to a wedding for the first time in my life. (well, not true, but the first one I could remember) we left at 5am, drove 5 hours to get there, hung out at a zoo and spent the night in a la quinta before the wedding day. I slept on the bathroom floor because my mom was snoring too loud in the main room and keeping me awake, and the rest of the day was just spent me trying to keep myself together because I was pissed off and tired.

Other than all of that, nothing really major happened to me this year. I guess one more thing I’ve tried to do this year is started the process of breaking certain internet addictions so I can use my free time for more personal projects. Seriously, I found myself watching way too much youtube and following blogs that didn’t even make me happy. I had a personal intervention with myself where I sat down and asked myself, “why do you watch these videos and youtubers? Why do you follow these blogs? Do you really enjoy their content? Do you really care? If you stopped watching/following them, would you even notice?” After critically thinking it over, I’ve found myself unfollowing several channels and blogs and suddenly I feel so much happier. I thought I would miss it, but I realized I didn’t really care if I saw their content or not. I wasn’t missing much. And now I feel like I have more time to draw, read and write. If you think you spend too much time consuming and not enough time creating, I suggest you try and de-clutter your internet habits as well. It’s done wonders to un-fuck my headspace.

And… well, that about sums up my year. How are your holidays going? Anything fun, exciting, dramatic happen to you this year? I hope your new year is warm and safe! Good night, everybody!

#new year's resolutions #year in review #long post #(seriiously this think is like 3k words)

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nanowrimo · 5 years

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The Marathon of Novel Writing

Camp NaNoWriMo is almost over! Today, Camp Nano participant Linzé Brandon shares some strategies for climbing that final hill on the way to the finish line of your Camp project:

In South Africa, we have an annual ultra-marathon, The Comrades Marathon. The race alternates between starting (and ending) in Durban and ending (and starting) in Pietermaritzburg.

When the race ends in Pietermaritzburg, the last hill before the finish is known as Polly Shortts. Only the professional runners run up this hill. Everyone else walks, or stops frequently. After 80km on the road, this is more than a hill, it is a mountain to tired legs and exhausted minds. This steep hill of about 7km reminds me of the last steps to finishing a novel.

Many writers, like the amateur Comrades runners, fail to reach the finish line because of that last hill. So what does it take to get to the finish line?

This is my strategy to conquer the last hill of novel writing or your Polly Shortts:

I have been a reader for most of my life, but I only started writing in 2001. To be honest, I had no clue what I was doing, but I loved the process of sitting down and writing a story. Although my manuscript was rejected by a traditional publisher, their feedback was encouraging and surprisingly positive.

Twelve years after I wrote my first fictional word, I enrolled in an online creative writing course. And that is where my life as a self-published author got the kick-start I needed. Not all the feedback I received was bubbly, but people loved my stories.

Soon after the course, I published my first novel. Self-publishing can be a minefield. It took me a while to recognize that I finally ran my Polly Shortts. What I didn't like was how long it took me to get to that finish line. I had to come up with a new plan.

Who are you: the marathon runner or the sprinter?

Sprinters are writers who enjoy the thrill, and competitiveness, of word sprints. Sprinters write in short and explosive bursts. Ten or fifteen minutes of focused writing and suddenly three hundred or four hundred words are penned to the page. Do this often enough, and your novel will get finished.

I am the marathon runner. I set myself a daily writing time of two hours. I don't have a target number of words, but I can write 1000 words per hour, with a break of 15 minutes in the middle—to make a cup of coffee of course.

Small steps lead to big rewards.

I break my project down into smaller chunks: e.g. edit 3 pages today. And sometimes end up doing a whole chapter. Achieving that small goal makes that hill seem not so steep anymore.

Sometimes in life, we have to stop because we need to take a rest, and then we fall behind schedule. When deadlines or the last day of NaNoWriMo are looming, it would be the time to take a deep breath and get ready for Plan B.

With a deadline, you know when you have to be finished, so the target is known. For Camp NaNoWriMo, you can change your goal or do a bit more every day to make up for what has not been completed. For editing, it might be an extra page, or for writing, it may be an additional 500 words.

Every one of us has that last hill to run before we get to the finish line. Even with more than twenty published books to my credit, I still have to face my Polly Shortts every time.

With a plan in place, broken down into smaller more achievable chunks, finishing my next book remains the run up a steep hill, but it no longer feels like an impossible mountain.

In January 2019 Linzé left her full-time job to enjoy the challenges of self-employment. Now she spends her days doing competence training and engineering consulting work. When she isn't writing, she likes to read, or draw with color pencils, pastels, and ink. She leads the Pretoria Writers Group, of which all the members are published authors. Linzé is married to an engineer and they have three German Shepherd dogs who think the world revolves around them. You can connect with Linzé online: Instagram @linzebrandon; Facebook @LinzeBrandonAuthor; Twitter @LinzeBrandon; Blog: Butterfly on a Broomstick; and find her books on Smashwords.

Top photo by Mārtiņš Zemlickis on Unsplash.

#nanowrimo #amwriting #writing #campnanowrimo #by nano guest #Linze brandon #inspiration #motivation

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echodrops · 5 years

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The Promises I Made (2018)

For the past twelve years, I’ve spent every New Year’s Eve compiling a list of fifty promises I intend to keep or fulfill over the next twelve months. The results have been truly amazing, and I have kept some promises I never thought I could. Although this year was really, really bad, oh lord... This year, for New Year’s, there will be a new set of promises for to me keep, but here are the old ones, for review!

The Promises I Made (2018 edition)

1) I will be less anxious at work and not let passing comments from students or passive rudeness get under my skin as much. Status: Somewhat kept; I feel like I wasn’t as upset by students being rude this year as last year, but then again that might just be because I had better students. XD

2) I will be more proactive about my responsibilities for the college newspaper committee so we can make a great product. Status: Uhh… Can I count this as kept if the newspaper committee was put on hold due to decisions from the higher administration, so I didn’t have to be proactive about these responsibilities?

3) I will actually visit Mexico, not just accidentally take a wrong turn and end up there... Status: Broken. You know how some people like live next door to a restaurant for years but somehow never get around to trying it? Yeah that’s me, with the entire country of Mexico. Like, I literally live less than a mile from the border… I really should just go get lunch one day or something…

4) I will actually decorate my office with all the stuff I have had sitting around at my house for months. Status: Actually kept. I don’t feel like the decorating is really done in the office, but the decorations are no longer cluttering up my actual home instead of the office!

5) I will be better about focusing so that I can grade quickly and feel less overwhelmed throughout the course of the semester. Status: You know, it’s hard to say whether or not I did grade more quickly because spring semester I took on a really annoying class schedule and it screwed me over hard. I feel like I was a little faster this year, but I felt more overwhelmed than ever.

6) I will get the scratch on my Camaro buffed a bit to clear up the parts that can be cleared. Status: I just… didn’t do this. Broken.

7) I will repair the mortar on the fence outside the Utah house and seal the bricks on the window sills. Status: Somewhat kept/broken. I fixed the mortar on the fence outside but did not seal the windowsill bricks.

8) I will finish at least 26 books over the course of this year. Status: Look man. If my promise had been “Finish 26 fanfics longer than 100,000 words,” I would have blown this promise out of the water. But as it stands, I think I only made it to 10-ish printed books. I’m naughty. 9) I will retrim the grape vine at the Utah house and also spray/get someone to spray to kill the wasps. Status: Broken. I don’t know why I thought it would be smart to make a promise about trimming the grape vine, since that’s something you do in fall… when I’m not even in Utah… Hrmmmm… 10) I will get the mail man to stop delivering the wrong mail to my box because I’m getting ten times more mail for other people than for myself. Status: I had so many opportunities to do this, and I just didn’t. RIP.

11) I will have the fire escape window installed on the Utah house to make it legal to rent. Status: Broken. That’s a lotta money fam.

12) I will update Home and a Half at least four times (and no more double posts, just be chill Yehn, be chill for once…) Status: WOW. I was so, so optimistic, wasn’t I? 13) I will actually build all the furniture I bought for the Texas house and never assembled. Status: Mostly kept? I think there’s like one more thing I haven’t assembled (the spare futon), but up to this point I haven’t needed it, so...

14) I will actually watch Stranger Things since everyone keeps nagging me about it. Status: Broken. I just didn’t do this at all.

15) I will go to a dentist and get this annoying wisdom tooth removed and also see what can be done for my front tooth that got pushed out of alignment by said wisdom tooth. This really needs to happen ‘cause the partially erupted tooth is killing me. D; Status: Wisdom tooth is still hurting me… I am the worst at taking care of myself… 2019… the year of self-care?

16) I will take a road trip with my friend Karen like we’ve been talking about for a while. Status: Actually did this! Finally something completely kept. It was a great trip too.

17) I will continue to serve as the video game club’s faculty sponsor. Status: I was too busy… T_T Broken.

18) I will lower my credit card debt by at least $2000. Moving is so expensive. T_T Status: I ended up having major set-backs this year in the form of having to pay out of pocket for a new windshield in my car and also my Playstation flat out dying on me, so this goal did not get satisfied. But now that my car is completely paid off (hell yeah!), I’ll finally be able to start making big payments on this sucker.

19) I will have ALL my lesson plans planned out in advance for Fall 2018 so that I can just chill next fall. Status: YO THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. There were still some instances of needing to fix things, but overall I did actually have all the lessons done in advance, and that was probably the only reason I survived fall at all lol.

20) I will finish painting the living room in the Utah house, finally. Status: I… forgot I even made this promise. Yikes.

21) I will be better about walking my dog because I have been slacking lately. Status: I wanted to be better, but every fucking time I go to walk my dog, the neighbor’s Chihuahua runs through their fence and tries to attack my dog, so literally every walk becomes a nightmare and there were a lot of days when I just didn’t want to deal with that stress… :/

22) I will finish a game other than FFXIV this year. Man, so many games have been piling up… Status: I couldn’t even find time to play FFXIV this year, let alone another game… 23) I will write a new, original short story. Status: I… did not write like at all this year. 2018 was just really hard for me. T_T

24) I will get my black glasses fixed this year, finally. Status: Uh… Kept… I think? At least I think this promise was referring to the damage to the frames of my black glasses, which I did get fixed. But now the lens has a scratch… V_V

25) I will attend more professional development/on-campus events and trainings to bolster my evaluation. Status: Eh, kept? I’m signed up for a conference and did some extra training thing that I can throw on the sheet, so I’m calling it good.

26) I will ink and color at least the one drawing of Yehn’zi that I finished sketching a while ago and did absolutely nothing with. Status: A whole lot of nope on this one.

27) I will really finish moving in to my Texas house, no more “I’ll fish out the clothes from the Space Bag when I need them but never actually hang them up.” Status: I’m counting this as kept, since the only thing that didn’t happen is that I never took the plastic wrap off the top of my nightstand, but like… hey that’s a really convenient way to avoid water spots so…

28) I will volunteer at a non-profit organization to fulfill my “service to the community” work requirement. I mean, I will volunteer from the goodness of my heart… yeah… Status: Shitttt this didn’t happen and it really needed to… Oh dear…

29) I will level ALL my classes to 70 in Stormblood. Status: This also did not happen. No time to play.

30) I will reach 1000 followers on tumblr. You should follow me. I’m only marginally a waste of time and space. Status: Kept and exceeded! I’m at like… 1540-ish right now I believe.

31) I will find a salon so I can get my hair dyed consistently instead of looking like a shabby blob half way through each semester. Status: Well, the good news is that my hair color fades so nicely that one of my students actually asked if the strawberry blonde was my natural color. But uh… no… it’s not… so…

32) I will find some way to pay back my coworker for all the incredibly nice things she has done for me already. Status: I mean, I took her out to lunch a lot but I don’t know if I really managed to feel “equal” on the debts I owe her for helping me out.

33) I will see an Anhinga (it’s a kind of bird!) in Texas. Status: Kept! The very first time I went looking for it, I found it, so score.

34) I will win Camp NaNoWriMo this year (because November might never be a possibility for me again, given how much grading I seem to end up doing during that month). T_T Status: Broken. Again, I wrote almost nothing this year. Too much stress. T_T

35) I will scout for new neighborhoods to move to with better internet access and closer to my work. Status: Kept. It’s still a bit too early for me to be looking for specific places, but I have a better sense of where I’ll be aiming for when I do go to buy something.

36) I will try to get better at Spanish, possibly by using my DuoLingo app more. Status: …Broken.

37) I will buy sod for the front part of the Utah house so that my house actually looks decent from the curb. Status: I COULD HAVE… But I didn’t.

38) I will be more proactive about commenting, reccing, and reblogging content I appreciate online because I find so many wonderful things but I rarely say as much about them as I should. Status: I think I was worse about this than last year. I miss the days when I didn’t feel like every five minutes taken to myself was stealing from my work responsibilities…

39) I will actually use my Instagram account to upload my photography somewhere public. Status: I forgot I made this promise too. Oops…

40) I will go dolphin-watching in the Gulf. Status: Somewhat kept? I mean… I stood on the pier… And saw dolphins in the Gulf. That counts, right???

41) I will clear all the photos and videos off my phone and camera SD cards because they are overflowing. Status: Kept but now they’re just sitting on the hard drive unsorted and in a confusing jumble of unnamed folders...

42) I will update my calendar with important dates—holidays, birthdays, etc.—and be productive about sending cards and well-wishes. Status: Broken, just totally broken.

43) I will complete my series of posts about Yato/Hiyori. Really. Status: >___> One day…

44) I will not work later than 10pm on any given work night. I can’t keep running myself ragged. I need to brake sometimes. Status: HA. I was really hopeful. More broken promises…

45) I will explore some new places/cities in Texas that I have not been before. Status: I… did not do this. I had a chance to do this and I didn’t. D;

46) I will get a gardener for the Texas house because the lawn is basically unmanageable by myself. Status: Kept. Because… the lawn really was unmanageable by myself so…

47) I will clean out the fridge more often. No expired milk or ancient leftovers this year please… Status: >_____> Ooopppssss.

48) I will get some sort of watering system set up so that the lawn at the Texas house isn’t a total disaster anymore. Status: Somewhat kept. I did buy hoses and sprinklers to water the lawn but mostly it’s just been raining a lot and that made the grass greener on its own.

49) I will help make one of the super complicated cookies from the new cookie cookbook I bought for Karen. Status: Actually kept! We learned much about the workings of cookie guns.

50) I will keep these promises. Status: Ouch, this one hurts a little.

Totals Kept promises: 12 Broken promises: 29 Somewhat kept/broken promises: 9

Y I K E S ™. I thought last year was crazy and was so hopeful for this year… I had NO IDEA how hard this last year was going to be. So many broken promises; I feel so guiltyyyyy. DDDD; Although I’m still at the same job and not planning on dramatically swapping entire career fields again, things are still in the process of settling and there’s still SO much more I feel like I need to work on. 2018 was the year of being constantly overwhelmed. Unfortunately, 2019 doesn’t seem like it’s going to be much calmer because I’m still working on designing classes and getting my lessons ironed out, but I at least no longer feel like I’m at rock bottom… So, I’m cautiously, very cautiously, feeling the tiniest bit optimistic?

Let’s do this, 2019! The new set of promises will be up by tomorrow.

#50 promises #new year's resolutions #2018 feels like a thousand pound weight on my shoulders #time to shake it off #new year #IRL stuff #welcome 2019!!

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didimentionthatimawriter · 5 years

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Writing a Novel

I have an announcement to make. Last month, I was going through a hard time trying to figure out exactly what I was doing to follow through with my goals for the year. I didn't make a blog post last month because, even though I tried to give myself a lighter schedule, I still found myself not having the time to work on a blog post. More than that, I was feeling burnt out. School is rough, but that's how it is for pretty much everyone. I specifically had bitten off more than I could chew and gave myself too many responsibilities to realistically keep up with. To fix that, I need to narrow them down so instead of doing fifty things at once, I can focus on a handful of things and do them well.

My big announcement is this: I'm writing a novel.

This isn't the first time I've started a novel, but in all honesty I've never finished one. I came close to finishing one once during NaNoWriMo, but by the time November was over that year I hated that story and lost all motivation to finish it. Now I'm planning on revisiting it and freshening it up with some new ideas.

My ultimate goal this year is to write a 100,000 word novel by Dec. 31st this year.

Whether or not the total word count reaches 100,000, I can't say for sure, but having a firm number to aim for should help me visualize my goal. I realize that I am starting late, but I'm trying not to worry about it. All I need to worry about is getting the words on the page.

My first step is picking out which project I have that I'm going to commit myself to. I have about three novel ideas I'm playing with, so what I'm going to do is write down any scenes that come to mind whenever I can, and whichever novel has the most scenes in the works is the one I will pick. If I'm still being indecisive at the end of the month, I'm going to randomly draw one from a hat to see which one I really want to work on.

I've also found three friends to be the first readers of my book. These three friends are very close to me, and they each will be helpful to me in different ways when it comes to criticism. I have promised each of them copies of my rough draft by December 31st so that I have a hard deadline with people expecting a book in their hands by that date, similar to publishers in the professional writing world.

My novel is the biggest goal I am working towards this year, and I will make sure that I give myself the time to work on it at least a little bit every week. My 4 hours a week goal is still there, but rather than strictly follow it I will instead reward myself if I do work 4 or more hours on it that week. Nothing helps with discipline like a reward system!

School also comes high in my priorities, but I will work on managing my time better so I don't get overwhelmed by a big work load.

So there it is: my new, ultimate goal for this year and how I am motivating myself to reach that goal. If this works out, I will probably make a post later on how I was able to motivate myself so others can see how useful it is, too. Also, expect some updates on how my novel is going!

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therska · 5 years

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Good old year, happy new year

With only a few days left of this year I wanted to write a couple of words about the past year and set some goals for the one to come.

2018 my most productive year

As all years before, I’ve had one goal, it’s not much but it’s doable: To finish one chapter of my book. Doesn’t matter which, doesn’t matter in which state as long as it has a start, middle and an end.

I went to France on my second research trip this summer. It was magic. Not only was the first person I met in Nantes called exactly the same as one of my characters, but the whole trip filled my empty buckets full of inspiration for the coming winter. The weather, the people, the nature, everything. I can’t wait for the next one!

In June/July/August I finished my article about Henri d’Orléans on the Norwegian Wikipedia, which I had began in January. I needed to get all the facts about him straight though he is not featuring directly in my story, I can’t write about the royalists without knowing “The Prince“. And I did learned a lot more than I expected, not only about the past, but also about the present. I didn’t expect the article to get a nomination for the rank “good article” because of its quality, I just needed to have things right, so I considered it as my notes. But it did! It was my first “good article“, and thought it was hard work, and I did cry on the beach, in the rain for it, it was worth it.

When all that was done around September I did hate him. I did. And so I was very motivated to finally sit down and look at the facts I had gathered from my trip to Nantes. I started to designed the castle featured in my book. It was both fun and frustrating. I don’t like to be totally free to imaging what ever I like, it’s scary and new. But then I looked at all the facts and began adding the most wonderful and magic furniture to the rooms according to what what I knew. And it was fun. It inspired me to make a drawing of my crew for the very first time in October.

October was hard, as I did participate in Inktober. But it was nothing compared to November! With @bookishdiplodocus I joined the most craziest adventure in 2018, the NaNoWriMo. Writing every day was hard enough, writing 1667 words a day, even harder. I would never have hit the 50,000 mark without knowing that Sanne was doing this with me, and that we had promised each other on the last day of summer to finish this together. Friendship is indeed magic.

November thought me the lesson that I actually can pants. Some days the words just seem to come from nowhere. While December thought me something quit different. For a long time I have known that I know a bit of everything. It’s just logic when you check facts all the time. But with the happenings in Paris I understood that I know more than the experts. I have past the point of learning and recognizing. I can analyse and predict. It scared me, and for two days I could not thing of anything else.

In the end I did finish more than one chapter of my book (4 chapters!), and almost finished a first draft. The chances are there for very high that I’ll not only finish a chapter next year, but also the first draft. This with the NaNoWriMo and my article been my most productive year ever.

2019 new goals and second phase

I don’t know if I will be able to be as productive as last year. Of course I do hope so, but I do like to set myself goals within reach and add new goals along the way. So as last years I will finish at least one chapter of my book.

As last year was as productive as it was, a first draft is within reach. A first draft is: All the chapters have a start, a middle and an end. That is possible. Then I’ll have to sew them all together. Add and cut to make them into one coherent story. This is the part where I restructure my story. Draw the overarching storylines and character’s developments. This will take time and effort, but if I work hard, I maybe be able to start on a second draft in the end of 2019.

My last goal is to have more fun. While writing and drawing. Add humour and colour to my story. Draw and write more out side of the box, dare to make mistakes. Redraft and reword. Throw away ideas and start from scratch without feeling bad about it. 2018 have thought me that I am able to do that.

I also would like to go on a third research trip. Thought I will not learn much more now, I do like to fill my now empty inspirational buckets. Who knows what I’ll learn and where I’ll end up.

And that’s what I aim for in the coming year.

Happy new year!

#new year's resolution #2018 #2019 #my wip #old year #happy new year #thoughts #writers on tumblr

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dansamdavid · 5 years

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Back in 2016 I notice that I suck at planning. Even this post was delayed for two weeks because I still suck at planning. So I bought a planner. It worked for a short while but I noticed that I was not really using it as much because it did not work for me.

I eventually stumbled upon the Bullet Journal. It’s a system more than it is a product. You don’t have to buy anything online to make this work for you. The creator of the Bullet Journal, Ryder Carroll, described it as

“The Analog Method for the Digital Age”

It is an analog system tracks the past, organizes the present, and plan for the future.

I will be showing you how I use my Journal. The best part about the system is that you can modify it to fit your need. Keep track of your medication, your financial plans, your school requirements, even your shopping list. I personally use it to keep track of School. This Journal has saved my butt on National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo).

The things you’ll need are:

Notebook of your choice

A pen

That’s the bare basics to start your Bullet Journal. This is a video tutorial from the creator himself. I recommend watching this very short video before proceeding.

youtube

Mark the first spread as the index.

Add the future log and mark down its pages in the index.

Add the monthly log and add it to your Index.

Add the daily logs and add it to your Index.

Repeat the step 2-4 after every month.

Add any notes and log it down in the Index.

The video goes more in-depth on how each log works.

Index

I follow the same design of Ryder’s Index. if there is a page I need quick access to I add the sticky note strip.

Future Log

My future logs consist of a spread with a calendar on the first page followed by month-long events and special events. As you can see its pretty bare but it will fill up as 2019 comes in. I keep track of music, games, and book releases.

Monthly Log 2019

At the end I added the tasks and goals I want to finish before 2020.

Yearly Goals

Future Log from 2017

Monthly Log 2016

Future Log from 2018

Future Log 2018

Monthly Log

By the time I was writing this It’s still 2018 so no 2019 monthly log yet. I will be following the same format as last years. Plans for the day are written on the first page and the second page reflects plans for the month.

It will look sort of like this

This is a monthly log from 2018

2018 Monthly Log

Daily Log

Again, 2019 has not started for me so for the daily logs I will follow the same format as last year but in a more simplistic design.

Daily Logs 2017

The 2019 I would make would probable look like this:

2018 Daily Log

Collections

Collections are modifications I added into my Bullet Journal to fully accommodate my needs as a writer, reader and doodler.

To Be Read (TBR) List

I love to read lots of books. And I have a lot of books on my shelf and they deserved to be read rather than just collecting dust. I write down the books I want to finish that year and I cross it out when I’m done. 2018 was not a good reading year for me.

For the 2018 design, You write down the books you own and want to read on the shelves and the books that you want to buy on the next page. Books not yet released are written on the thought bubble.

2019

2018

Don’t Break the Chain Habit Developer

I use this to keep myself drawing and writing. This is very effective you want everything looking aesthetically pleasing. You write down a task that you would want to do everyday. After you do the task, you color in the box that correspond to that day. If you miss a task, you’re going top have a hole in your chain.

Don’t Break the Chain

The Movie/TV Show Tracker

I tried at some point to watch more films but that plan crashed and burn as soon as I thought of it. I was able to watch a few this past two years but I’m just not a movie person. It is still a good mod for anyone who loves their movies.

It works by writing the movie title on the popcorn and then you shade it or cross it out after you watch the film. For upcoming movies you log them down the next picture movie poster frame.

The Movie Tracker 2017-2018

Music Cover Task Manager

I used to make song covers using Vocaloid and Utau on Youtube and Soundcloud. Vocaloid and Utau are singing sythesizer softwares. I use it so I don’t have sing.

To keep track of all the production materials I use this checklist. I get the Instrumentals, then I tune the UST or the VSQX which is like a midi file. Tuning includes inputting the lyrics and making sure the phonemes are correct. Japanese has the easiest phoneme library to work with so I cover more Japanese songs than English which is a bit more complicated in terms of phoneme usage. Then I mix the vocals and the Instrumentals. Then I make the video and edit. If I upload it to YouTube I still have to add the subtitles. This method has helped me not lose track of this long process.

Life saving Task Manager

Notes and List

I make a lot of notes and list on my Bullet Journal. It was life saver when I have ideas or researches that I would need later. It all works so long as you log everything you do in the Index so you would have no trouble looking for it later.

Processed with VSCO with preset

More Modifications

There are so much people online who are using this system for its flexibility. You can check out YouTube for Bullet Journal tours and tutorials. Pinterest, and going to Bullet Journal Website for more information and tips about the Bullet Journal

I hope I was able to help you in your 2019 journey. If you think I missed something or if you have any questions you can message me and I would love to talk about it. The bullet Journal works at its best when you yourself are adamnt in reaching your goals. Here is to our more productive 2019.

Plan 2019 With Me: How to Bullet Journal Back in 2016 I notice that I suck at planning. Even this post was delayed for two weeks because I still suck at planning.

#Nanowrimo #Organization #planning

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darkstarofchaos · 6 years

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Status Update 10/15/18

Welp, another month another status update. This one’s gonna be slightly on the long side, so let’s see here...

My posting schedule for the month isn’t anything fancy: I had planned to update Uroboros today, but for various reasons - a double shift at work among them - it’s running a bit behind schedule. I’m still aiming to get chapter four up some time this week, though, so hopefully readers won’t have to wait much longer.

Some of my time recently has been taken up by Inktober. I’ve never participated before, but this year I learned that you can post weekly instead of daily if that’s all you have time for, and since I don’t draw nearly as much as I would like, I decided to give it a shot. Art for week one and week two has already been posted, and the remaining pieces will come out near the end of their respective weeks.

In other news, I will be working on Unleashed for NaNoWriMo this year! I’ve never reached the 50k word goal before - last year I managed a magnificent 17k - but this year I’ve finally created an official Nano account and am determined to complete the event. I will not be posting the chapters as I finish them because they would be unedited drafts, and I have something else planned for December. But come January I will start posting regularly until I either run out of chapters or finish the story; I’m working on writing more quickly just in general, so we’ll see how that works out.

If you’re on the official Nano site, you can find me there as Dark Star of Chaos. And if you’re among the ranks of the Nano writers, whether officially or as a personal goal, I wish you good luck and creativity. And most importantly, have fun!

#transformers #fanfiction #status update #Inktober #nanowrimo #Not so long after all

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writing-in-the-tiny-house · 3 years

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The Trophies of NaNoWriMo, with AJ Mac

Follow this link to check out the book The Gem State Siege:

https://amzn.to/3yDtVDn

Become a patron to Writing in the Tiny House today!

patreon.com/writinginthetinyhouse

The following is a transcript of this episode. The complete transcript is available on the show’s website.

[00:00:00] Devin Davis: Are you ever worried about writing a large amount of text in a short amount of time? Then you need to listen to AJ Mac, author of the book The Gem State Seige. He wrote the entire thing during NaNoWriMo of 2020, and he is our guest today on Writing in the Tiny House. Hello, hello, hello! And welcome to the show.

[00:00:47] Welcome back to the show. I am Devin Davis, your host, and I am the guy living in a tiny house to show you all of the different ways, regardless of how busy you are, that you can write that book. We focus mainly on fiction, at least the majority of these episodes. Today we have a person that I have been so excited to get to know. His name isAJ Mac.

[00:01:11] His first name is actually Aaron. And it's not in the interview. So I get to share a little tidbit before we play the interview. I actually met Aaron on a Facebook group looking for a critique partner. I had no idea what he had done. I had no idea his story or the process that he had taken to write this thing, but we exchanged first chapters many, many months ago and he critiqued my first chapter.

[00:01:40] I critiqued his first chapter. It was a great experience. And then like, a couple months later, I realized that his book was being released and was in print. So today we have AJ Mac, author of the book The Gem State Seige to share his entire story with us.

[00:02:02] AJ Mac: I started off writing a completely different novel that I said I was going to release first, but then I thought about the options of like Permafree books and like start in content. Cause I just wanted to kind of roll into something that was a little bit bigger of a project than the one that I released first. And it took me about 10 years to actually write that novel, like rewriting and constantly revising and all of that. The final draft of that book, it took me about nine months to do a hundred thousand words, I think. And I was just like, okay I need to write it a little bit faster if I have this goal of doing all of these books and all of this story, this this whole sci-fi universe that I've created in my head, I might want to write a little bit faster.

[00:02:52] So NaNoWriMo came along. I found it on Facebook, found a lot of groups on Facebook, talking about writing 50,000 words in a month. And I was like, Okay. That's a challenge. I'm going to take it. I don't know if I can do it, but I'm going to try.

[00:03:07] So October 31st. I was just like, kind of like at my computer at 1159, like a runner at a Olympic track meet. 12 o'clock hit and I just started going. It took me about 20 days, 21 days, I think to get the 50,000 words, but I did it and I proved to myself that I actually could write faster.

[00:03:29] Devin Davis: NaNoWriMo, though it calls itself a competition, is more like a big push to get people to start writing. No one is looking over your shoulder. You don't submit your progress to anyone, but it's just a month long marathon in the spirit of writing. And it is celebrated by everyone. When Aaron got in the thick of it, he had some big realizations about his own writing process.

[00:03:58] AJ Mac: I like being a pantser for the most part. Doing Prep-Tober is what they call it when you're preparing for NaNoWriMo I took some time out and wrote like a whole outline. I started setting up my writing space, and I bought Scrivener, and I wrote out and it took me about a day or so to write this entire like, outline of what I was going to do.

[00:04:21] And about Chapter Two, I was like screw outline. Yeah. I just yeah.

[00:04:26] Devin Davis: He wrote for hours every day. Like he said, it took him 21 days to get his first draft completed. Three weeks. And as you might imagine, it took a toll on his social life.

[00:04:41] AJ Mac: I don't think I talked to my girlfriend much during that time. I was working night shift at my full-time job. And what I would do is I would work 5:00 PM to about 4:00 AM, was my schedule. And I would spend as much time as I possibly could while I was working-- which wasn't much-- writing. And when I was at home I would wake up early. I still wake up earlier about 11 o'clock and I will write until I go to work. so I I was pretty much, at my computer the entire time.

[00:05:14] Devin Davis: Because he wasn't an experienced writer, at first he didn't know how to go about self edits and critique partners at all. This is how he handled it.

[00:05:25] AJ Mac: And I sat on the manuscript for about a month and a half maybe. And like, there were a lot of people saying that if you write something in NaNoWriMo, then it should at least be a year out before you actually start, like, thinking about publishing, but I was determined. I was determined to get some feedback on it. And I, I went to Facebook groups and like a bunch of critique groups. And I start querying for some people to give me some feedback on the book. And that was my start. And to editing that rough draft and submitting that rough draft and seeing if there was a actual concept for me to even publish a book.

[00:06:05] Devin Davis: And a few short months later, he had The Gem State Siege in print.

[00:06:13] AJ Mac: It's about Tawnie Simms, a world-renowned conspiracy theorist who finds herself in the middle of a cataclysmic event in her hometown, Idaho falls. When what seems like a natural disaster, a mysterious organization that uses the tragedy is fueled to start a mass extermination disguised as a pandemic. Tawnie has to find her way to stop the monstrous billionaire responsible while keeping her and her five-year-old son safe.

[00:06:41] Devin Davis: So this book required some research, not only about concepts, but about geography. The story takes place in Idaho falls and Aaron doesn't even live there.

[00:06:54] AJ Mac: The pantser in me decided to find it somewhere where geysers would make sense for for the relic that I used in the book. So Yellowstone National Park was, was nearby. I have a fascination with-- and this is going to sound horrible-- but I have a fascination with like end of the world kind of cataclysmic movies like that, like movies, like 2012 and Water Worlds, things like that. Just kind of like interests me. So the apocalyptic trope I feel like that's my thing. That's what interests me. It's a lot of build up to what I'm doing in the scifi universe that I'm creating and the world that I'm putting together. And that just happened to be one of the starting points of the world.

[00:07:36] Devin Davis: So I asked him what got him interested in books and science fiction in the first place.

[00:07:44] AJ Mac: A lot of fanfiction. I used to do a lot of sketches growing up and drawing my own comic books specifically when I was younger. It was a show called Dragon Ball Z that for whatever reason in America did not want to continue past a certain saga.

[00:08:00] So I started drawing my own and that trend never left. Like I fell in love with writing and coming up with my own ideas. And I felt comfortable. Like growing up as an introvert, I felt comfortable just writing my own reality as opposed to living in the real reality, I guess. And it just kind of worked for me.

[00:08:19] Devin Davis: All of us as writers, face roadblocks and other struggles. And sometimes we have self doubt.

[00:08:25] AJ Mac: I struggled with the belief that I could even write that fast, considering that I've just been sitting on a bunch of ideas for 10 years before I actually decided to publish a novel. For any aspiring author that wants to write, join a community like NaNoWriMo where people are having the same challenges.

[00:08:47] Devin Davis: Not only is Erin cranking out books, but he and his friends also do a podcast.

[00:08:54] AJ Mac: My podcast is called The Dirty Trunk podcast. And we like to say that that's where the elephant is always welcome. And we talk about the uncomfortable conversations about growth and building your mindset as an entrepreneur. They come out every Tuesday, and the last episode we discussed your environment and how it shapes your future as an adult.

[00:09:17] Devin Davis: By the time this episode airs, the Dirty Trunk podcast will have reached more than 100 episodes.

[00:09:26] AJ Mac: For anybody who's listening to this episode here, if you have the goal or the dream to be a published author, do it. You can listen to this podcast and everybody who joins Mr. Devin on this this journey being a guest on this awesome podcast that he has here in this platform, you can listen to every single one of them talk about their dreams, their goals of how to start and how they started, but it will not be possible for you unless you actually put pen to paper and do it. Do not let fear get in the way of your goals and your dream.

[00:10:01] Devin Davis: A special things to Aaron, author name AJ Mac, for joining me today on Writing in the Tiny House. He is working hard on the next several books of his series. And I am excited to see when those are going to come out. If you are interested in ordering or reading the Gem State Siege by AJ Mac, follow the link in the show notes and it'll get you there.

[00:10:26] And that is it for today. Thank you so much for my patrons. Without them this show can not be possible. If you wish to become a patron, patreon.com/writinginthetinyhouse. You can get early access to these episodes. You can get an additional episode, and you can get quality time with me over our exclusive chat rooms on Discord. Follow me on Instagram. My handle is @authordevindavis and on Twitter, my handle is @authordevind. Thank you so much for listening. We will see you next week and have fun writing.

Check out this episode!

#writing #writer #author #fiction #am writing #wip

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cosmosogler · 6 years

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so i read death of the author just now, after spending several hours reading a very long taz fan fiction. i kinda wanted to hash out some thoughts so that i can keep procrastinating on going and getting groceries. no one can stop me in my quest to be a shut in.

i guess it got me thinking about the editing and specifically review process. i couldn’t figure out how to word my question in a way google understood, but i was wondering how far back people have been showing their novels to their communities to try and get feedback before they publish it. i wonder if that’s more a habit of modern society. it seems like for a long time criticism focused more on how well you told a well-known story rather than, like, is this or that scene successful. mechanics instead of themes. “what is the author trying to say?” the english teacher asks, as if they aren’t able to just come out and say it. as if there’s any one “ultimate meaning” to a story and no other interpretation is the author’s true vision.

there is, of course, value in critiquing every aspect of a story and thinking deeply about it. but i think it’s useful to reframe the approach- they aren’t “trying” to say One Thing that just got lost in the story somewhere. it’s about what the story means to the reader.

maybe... all my anxiety about getting comments on the comic and stuff is misplaced. there’s a lot of things i could be doing better, technical-wise, but no one really knows how the story SHOULD look except me, and i think... no one else can ever really know. they’re gonna take their own interpretations and history into their reading experience. words, expressions, settings all have slightly different connotations to every different person.

maybe what i keep looking for is something that doesn’t exist. i keep looking for someone to tell me how to tell my story, like, is there a right way to do it, and am i doing it wrong... no one can tell me that! not even god could tell me that. there’s no magic formula for telling a story, especially a personal one. all i can really do is think about it a lot, think about the implications, work hard on it, and do my best.

maybe at the end it will look to me how i wanted it to, but everyone is going to see every story differently and it’s not up to the author to control the experience for them. even if i showed them my direct scripts they would imagine the final scenes differently from how i do and how i will draw it. how do you critique that?

like my responsibility here isn’t to tell the story “successfully” but rather give the reader as much clarity as i can in showing these characters and what they are up to. and let them draw their own conclusions from that.

i do that already, a little bit, while i’m actively drawing. i try to do that. i don’t go in to a scene with the goal of “make this scene sad” but rather “show the readers how the characters are feeling and what’s going on with them and try to be honest to the experience.” my goal isn’t to tell them to “be sad now” or “have feels” and i don’t think it should ever be my goal. i’m making a note now to never make that my goal.

so like... the desire for feedback and critique isn’t really about making my story into the “right” story, and expecting that kind of feedback is super nonsense. what it’s really about is attention. i feel very sad and lonely. people reading my comic isn’t the best form of attention, but i don’t really have any other good sources in my life right now. but that’s why i always wonder “how much” will be “enough.” the answer is, it’s never going to be enough, because it’s not actually what i’m looking for. it’s just tangential to what i want.

i feel like there’s something a little relieving about framing it that way. realizing that i’m never gonna get that golden Perfect Attention, but also, it’s not even what i really wanted anyway. maybe i can worry about something else instead now.

i guess what i would want instead is for my writing to reach people and mean something, and it would be nice to know if my work ever did that. even if i don’t have control over the meaning they take from it- because reading is an active experience that the reader participates in, and reading is the process of making my story their own.

isn’t that what fan fiction is all about anyway? permutations. interpretations. conversations.

what i actually want is for people to talk to me. about anything really. not gonna get that in a comments section. but i still don’t know what to do about it. thanks for bearing with me while i try to figure out what to do next.

i know the story in the big picture is not really a big deal and i’m kind of overblowing its importance by agonizing over it like this. not that many people are going to encounter it. but it’s my personal project and i want to see it through. and i want to do my best. that means it’s just gonna take up a lot of my attention and i feel like that’s just gonna be the way it is with my writing.

it has been with my other projects. i remember now. spending every single break at work keyboard smashing. when i would run a code and wait for the computer to compile it, i would run over to the back of the room where i had perched my laptop on a cart with a bunch of test tubes and poke out another quick paragraph, then run back to the lab computer when it was done to see if it found any errors. it was... energetic. my project spreadsheets take hours and hours and hours. in creative writing class back when i had that year off i would spend entire days hanging out in boxers and a t-shirt frantically trying to clip my short stories down to acceptable sizes and figure out how to emphasize my themes (and what those themes even might be). nanowrimo took up all my free time that one year. my classmates loved my characters... the people in the new discord seem to really like my characters too, original and the fan fiction ones. it feels good to be working on a project.

i’ll try to enjoy that process of working on a story, and worry about who’s talking about that story a little less.

the next step is always to try to find friends. i don’t have good sources for friends right now, but i’ll keep trying. and in the meantime i’ll keep trying to take care of myself and studying.

and brushing my cat, i’ll keep doing that too. snoopy doesn’t hiss at me any more when i pick her up to brush her chest. i’m very proud of her. i’m very proud of my cat and her willingness to accept huge bribes of treats for not biting.

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