#i realized today that one of the best decisions i ever made was cutting off a friend who thought everything i did was basic

[beanmachine69]

Brother's Beloved Bestfriend | Daniel Ricciardo (part ii)

Warnings: Public(ish), unprotected sex. (please cap it before you tap it.

part i !!

part iii !!

Daniel was a lot of things; respectful being one of them. He’d always made everyone around him comfortable, and always looked out for them. So even though he was confused and hurt, he respected whatever decision you had made; you knew what was best for you and if that meant completely cutting him off, then he’d respect that too.

Except now here you two were again, two years later. Here you were, passing by him everyday, all the time, looking as beautiful as ever, wearing the necklace he gave you. He thought he had gotten over it, that somehow he had moved on with no closure, but he hadn’t. How could he have thought that when last summer when you weren't here and your parents told him to sleep in your room he touched himself thinking of you? Your sheets smelled like you faintly and the whole room reminded him of the night you two had spent together, and it all piled on to be too much to control himself. To be fair, he knew he could have gotten by a night or two without air conditioning, but the idea of sleeping in your room was almost too good to pass. Did he feel awful after doing it? Yes, he felt like a creep, but it wasn’t something he was willing to admit to anyone anyways.

He wasn’t an idiot though, he could see how nervous you were, and how your stare would linger when you thought he wasn’t looking. He was also fully aware of how your eyes would light up with expectation anytime you two would be alone- which had surprisingly increased a lot the past few days- he knew you wanted him to bring the topic up, but to be fair he really was looking for the right time. There wasn’t a moment where he wouldn’t want to pull you away into a quiet room and ask you why you did what you did. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t hurt by what you did, but some part of him knew you well enough to know why; he knew you’d freak out over having to explain it to your family and secretly, Daniel wasn’t looking forward to that either. He could convince himself into claiming that he understood why you cut him off and didn’t want to pursue your very very obvious feelings, but what irked him the most was the lack of confrontation. He had his hesitations too, obviously; you were much younger than him, you were his bestfriends’ sister, your family had been so kind to him, the list went on- but he didn’t cold turkey you.

Now, waking up to you practically throwing a tantrum over having nothing to wear for some family event in the evening, made him realize that it was going to have to be today. He had to bite the bullet and say the words he'd been meaning to say all these months. He knew no one would be home till evening, so now would be a great opportunity to finally talk to you. To solve your pressing problem, he decided to do you a favor and take you shopping, you so clearly seemed to need it.

Your brother had been complaining about how weird you had been acting the past few days, and Daniel knew why. He knew exactly why you’d been throwing such an attitude around the past few days and why you seemed so sullen half the time, when usually, you’d be the best company around the house.

-

“What about this one?” he asked, pulling something blue off the rack, “I know you like blue.”

“Yeah, the color is nice, but I don’t know if I like it.” You pouted.

He pursed his lips, getting a hold of the dress by his other hand, which was already struggling to hold several other hangers. You two had been shopping since 11 a.m, and it was nearly 2 p.m now and you had finally found a store with clothes that seemed to interest you. He was patient with you, he really was, but at this point you both had scanned the whole mall and were exhausted. Kudos to him and his f1 driver stamina, because now you were certain you were the problem.

“Okay, this is nice.” He commented, pulling a red dress from the rack. How cliche. “Be a doll and go try these on.”

He had managed to contain the flirty comments for the past few days, but now he was tired and couldn’t stop imagining you in all these dresses. The tension had built up so high between you two in the past few days that Daniel was certain if either one of you didn’t act on it soon, it would turn suffocating really fast. He was hoping to sit you down at home after your shopping trip and talk to you, but at this point you two would reach back to a not so empty home.

You had been in the changing room for a while, which wasn’t surprising since Daniel had thrown a heap of dresses for you to try. He was on the lower floor of the store, sifting carelessly through the racks when he thought of checking in on you. Moving upstairs he had noted how the store barely had any workers. The thoughts going through Daniels’ head were certainly inappropriate, prompting him to clear his throat to distract himself as he reached the changing rooms.

“You done there? What’s taking so long?”

The sudden voice startled you, you had just taken off the second last dress and were onto the last red one- standing in nothing but your bra and panties, you let out a shriek when you heard the voice.

“Jesus, it’s just me.” Daniel said, voice lower now so as to not scare you further.

“Yeah, um almost.”

“Alright let me see-”

“NO!” You shrieked again, afraid that he’d walk in on you naked, “Give me a minute, oh my God.”

“Okay, okay I’m sorry stop screaming.” He said, stepping back to sit on a stool the store had so kindly left out for people in his position.

God, the thought of you naked and in a changing room had integrated the thousands of thoughts that ran through his head. It didn’t help to note that your shrieking and screaming hadn’t alerted anyone from the store either. God, this was wrong, this was so so wrong- yet, it didn’t feel all that wrong either, especially with how you were looking at him today. He shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts, this was wrong and he wasn’t going to act out on it. He had to stop thinking about bending you over in front of the mirror and-

“Alright, this is the one.” You announced, opening the door to the little cubicle.

And god, what a sight you were- that little red dress hugging your every curve, the color complimenting your skin tone. Whatever they said about little red dresses couldn’t have been more true, it was at this moment did Daniel realize why the cliches existed in the first place, you looked divine. He couldn’t seem to get his eyes off of you, he knew all the dresses were great, despite not having seen them, but this one took the icing off the cake. It was just managing to hit the half-thigh mark, revealing your bare legs to him, and all he could think about was how those legs felt wrapped around him, bringing him closer into you.

“Oi, are you even listening?” You asked, snapping your fingers at him.

He looked frustratingly attractive, sitting on that chair with his legs spread open, his back leaning lower on the chair, his crotch displayed on highlight. He looked a little tired, but the moment you opened the door, his eyes shifted, glazing over every inch of your body, taking you in from head to toe, careful as to not miss a single inch of skin- covered or not. He was sitting there, legs spread open, looking at you like a starved man. You couldn’t deny it- you were turned on- he looked so good you couldn’t help but rub your thighs at the thoughts that were running through your brain. The way his eyes scanned you from top to bottom made your knees weak, his once cheery expression was gone, his face now portraying some sort of lust that seemed so primal in nature that you were convinced he was willing to fuck you right there and then- and you were not going to complain. With the way you both were looking at each other, you knew exactly where this was going. Your eyes didn’t break contact with his as he got up, slowly covering the distance between you two, his tongue passing over his lips momentarily. If there was any doubt or denial, it needed to have been expressed by either party now.

Your previous hesitations had dissolved over the course of the past few days, seeing Daniel again had reignited all the past emotions you had felt, all the sadness, attraction, happiness, anger and all other possible emotions had resurfaced, bubbling in you and making you more miserable than you’d want to be. You knew how good he felt now, you knew that you were both on the same page at some point, that one equilibrium point where you both had wanted each other enough to act out on it. You knew he had to have liked you a little bit- or atleast enough to want to fuck you, but seeing how he’d look at you now made you realise there was something more, you both were still on the same page, especially now that he was in such close proximity of you.

“Are you sure about this?” He whispered, not breaking eye contact, face now mere inches from yours. His thumb got a hold of your chin, gently pulling your face up to look at him.

You nodded frantically, losing all possible hesitations as your hands started working on undressing yourself. You obviously knew where this was going, but you really liked the dress and didn’t want to have to look for another.

“Yeah, just like that, good girl.” He encouraged, a smile prancing on his lips.

Grabbing a hold of your hips, he turned you around to face the mirror, assisting you in removing the dress, gently putting it aside as he kicked the trial room door closed. His hands made their way up and down your body, one of them draping over your shoulder, massaging your boob in his hand. You could see his arm flex, making his tattoos move as he massaged you, his lips finding their way to your neck.

“God, you’re so fucking sexy.” He whispered, locking eyes with yours in the mirror.

This was something you’d noticed around the first time, and you noticed it now too; his accent got deeper when he’d be turned on, and apart from the fact that it turned you on, it also was a reminder of how often his voice had done this in the past few days, the thought making you grind your nearly bare ass on his clothed crotch, moaning a little at the friction mixed with the pleasure his lips were pressing onto your neck. He hissed a bit when you ground your ass harder, making his other arm snake its way to your panties.

He started off slow, looking at you in the mirror frequently to catch any discomfort in your expression. Your face was a pretty clear giveaway that you didn’t mind, but your sopping core was a pretty good sign too.

“Baby, you’re sure about this right?” He asked, two fingers lingering at your entrance.

“Mhm, yes Danny please.” Now you weren’t sure whether to grind into his hand or onto his crotch- both feelings too good for you to pick between one.

“If I wasn’t going crazy right now, I’d make you beg for it.” He mumbled, lips against your neck.

You moaned as his fingers slipped in easily, not realizing how wet you were, just glad that he was finally fucking you. He started a little slow, holding on to the little bit of restraint he had in him, but the moment you started moaning his name around him, he lost all possible decorum- pumping his fingers in and out of you, curling them a little to hit your g-spot, making you moan even louder. Even after two years, he knew how to make you feel so fucking good. Though he had lost all possible decorum, you hadn’t- still aware of the fact that you two were in a public space, you clamped your mouth shut with one of your hands, the other reaching back to hold onto him as he picked up pace, thrusting his fingers harder into you, prompting you to arch your back. Your orgasm was building up fast, you had wanted this for so long you couldn’t hold yourself together.

“D-danny, I’m gonna-”

“Cum for me, come on be a good girl.” His voice had dropped so low, he was almost growling.

You didn’t need to be told twice, you felt your stomach tighten as your back arched further into his touch, your orgasm rushing through you, making you moan loud enough for your hand to barely be able to control it.

Your body slumped against his while you came down from your high, your eyes watering just a bit from how strong the orgasm was. Looking at him in the mirror made you shift a little, realizing that he was holding you up straight, eyes locked into yours, lips now leaving sloppy kisses on your shoulder. He was still fully clothed, his appearance not having faltered one bit as he managed to give you one of the best orgasms you had felt in the past two years.

“You alright darling?” He asked, looking over at your face again to detect any signs of discomfort.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.” You sighed, feeling his warmth against your bare body.

“Hm, good.” He whispered, turning you around to face him, lips crashing into yours in a kiss that had been prolonged for far too long. His hands firmly held onto your waist as yours moved upwards,one pulling his face closer and the other resting on the back of his neck.

“Danny lemme-” You began when you two pulled away, trying to squiggle out of his grip and onto your knees to deal with the pressing bulge in his pants.

“No, no darling, I need to fuck you.” His voice was low, but his face was so close to yours that you could feel his lips move against the sweat trickling down the side of your face.

You nodded as a response, your words having left you completely. You knew how badly you both needed this, body still slightly quivering from your first orgasm, you kissed him again, this time allowing your hands to wander around his body, and eventually pulling his shirt off. You didn’t know how much time you had before a store employee would walk in, so you both worked fast. He turned you around again, making you face the mirror, his hand pushed on your lower back as the other wrapped around the front of your waist, prompting you to bend over. He undid his buckle, shimmying out of his jeans and watching as his hard cock pressed against your now bare ass. Your movements were involuntary as your ass began grinding against him again, your hands propping themselves against the mirror for support. Looking at him through the mirror was a sight, his hair was ruffled because of the shirt you had thrown off, his eyes focused on his dick that was inches away from where you both needed it. If you turned your head a bit you could see his thigh tattoo, which you were focusing on when you suddenly felt a sharp stinging pain ripple through your cheek, making you gasp and look up at Daniel. His hand soothed the stinging skin, moving down to align himself with you, looking at you one last time for reassurance after which he slammed himself into you.

The sudden entrance made you gasp, not having been given enough time to adjust as he began slamming into you. The little cubicle filled with the noise of skin slapping against skin, accompanied by moans and grunts from the both of you.

“Is this what you wanted huh?” He asked, hands gripping so tightly onto your waist, you were sure he’d leave marks, “God, I’ve wanted you for so. Fucking. Long.”

Each word of his was punctuated by his thrusts, and you had absolutely no doubt in his statement- with the way he was animalistically fucking into you, you were certain that he needed you just as bad as you needed him. You could feel your second orgasm tighten its way in your core. You were surprised at how fast he was going to make you cum again, his dick was huge, sure, but this was almost embarrassing. You could hear your moans change in tempo as your orgasm rushed you closer to the edge.

“Fuck, you’re close again aren’t you? I’m gonna make you cum again, aren’t I?” He asked, a smirk painted on his face, knowing that you were in no state to give him any answer.

You nodded, eyes desperately locking into his and barely being able to stay open.

“Beg for it baby, beg for release.”

Your whine was low, almost drowned in the noise your hips were making when they’d collide with his. But you managed, to the best of your abilities, to bring some words out.

“D-dan please, please let me cum. I wanna cum on you.”

“Fuck yes, there’s my good girl.” He grunted, hips maintaining the perfect pace as his hand found its way to your clit, rubbing frantic circles, “Cum for me baby, cum on my dick.”

The second orgasm ripped through you, way harsher than the fist, your hand clamped around your mouth to try to control the pornographic moans that slipped from your lips. Your walls clamped around him, your hips quivering as you moaned his name behind your hand. He didn’t stop at that, continuing to pound into you at a much more rapid pace than before, both hands on your waist again, holding you up at this point as your body almost crumpled at the overstimulation. He didn’t go on for too long, your orgasm helping him reach his high with the way your walls were clamping and quivering around him, and the way your hand was muffling your noises. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold off for too long to begin with, knowing that he'd thought about your perfect body for so many nights.

"Darling where do you want me to cum?" He asked, words spitting out at a faster rate than usual.

"Inside me." You whined, your cunt aching now with how sensitive it was.

He didn't have time to think of anything else, the idea of cumming deep inside you had completely pushed him over the edge, hips stuttering as he came, pushing his seed deep in you.

“Fuck.” He whispered, looking down at your ass as he came down from his high, pulling out with a final groan.

You smiled, completely blissed out from the orgasms and the feeling of his cum trickling out of your entrance. He felt as good as he did the first time, making you mentally curse at yourself for ever thinking you could replace this feeling with some stupid guys from your college. You bit your slightly swollen lip, as you turned to kiss him, arms wrapping around him. This time around the kiss was more gentle, his hands slowly going up your spine.

“I missed you, y’know.” He said, pulling away and leaning down to pick your clothes up.

“Hm?” You asked, pulling your clothes onto yourself.

“Oh come on, don’t be surprised. I thought I made my feelings pretty clear about you that first night around.” He chuckled, adjusting his pants back on.

“We are not having this conversation right now Daniel.” you replied, gesturing towards the clothes behind you two.

“Shit, yea we need to get going.” He mumbled, eyes widening a bit at the realization of the time.

Daniel had obviously insisted on paying for all the dresses you had tried on, despite your efforts and reminders that you only needed one dress. He was smiling at you the whole time, even holding your hand when your face turned red as you realized that all the store employees were looking at you two weird, they knew, of course they knew.

“Shit, I have three missed calls from your brother.” He said as he buckled himself in the driver's seat. “I’ll text him back.”

You hummed, now that you were in your senses you had to mentally prepare yourself for the conversation that was to come. You’d been thinking about it for the past few days, but now actually having to execute it seemed like a daunting task. Seeing your hands fidget with themselves, Daniel moved one of his hands from the gear, and intertwined your fingers with his own. He knew you were anxious, and thinking about the several possibilities of the outcome of todays’ events.

“We don’t have to talk right now if you don’t want to y’know. I’m not mad at you or anything, I guess I kinda understood all along.” He trailed off, eyes focusing on the road, his thumb stroking your finger.

“Daniel, we can’t keep pushing this conversation away y’know.” You mumbled, looking down.

“I’m not saying we should doll, we can just talk about it later tonight, okay?” He asked, reassuringly squeezing your hand. “You can get through this grueling little event and then we both can sit down, and peacefully talk about it. Don’t worry, we’ll figure something out.”

His words were reassuring, he even looked away from the road momentarily to pass you one of his signature smiles. You almost forgot why you ever ran from him in the first place, already looking forward to whatever the night would unveil to the both of you.

-

-

-

-

A/N: so sorry for the delay girlies, will be posting the final part much sooner, hope yall enjoy this haha!

as always, send in requests or criticism, both would be appreciated.

#daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo smut #daniel ricciardo fic #daniel ricciardo fluff #daniel ricciardo #f1 fic #f1 smut

[propertyofkylar]

midnight visitor (m!yandere incubus x gn!reader)

you meet damien at a club and are instantly entranced by this handsome stranger. but not only is he equally entranced with you - he has some secrets to hide.

cw: yandere, nsfw, alcohol mention

The bright lights and loud music of the club swirled around you. It would’ve given you a headache if you weren’t just drunk enough for it to be enjoyable.

Truthfully, you weren’t much of a club person, but today being the birthday of your best friend was reason enough for you to let loose for once. So here you were, surrounded by people on the dance floor.

You took a step back and cringed almost immediately when the heel of your foot came into contact with what clearly was someone else’s toes. You whipped your head around to apologize and found yourself face-to-face with an incredibly handsome man.

The frown on his face quickly faded as he eyed you up, flashing you a smirk. Your breath caught in your throat - the man was beautiful, and you were only human, after all.

“S-sorry,” you managed to get out, but the smirk on the man’s face only grew. You took in his long, dark hair, his defined cheekbones and the way his eyes seemed to be a dark red. But that must’ve just been the club lighting, you figured.

“S’alright,” the man said in a smooth, deep voice. He held out a hand. “You can dance with me to make up for it.”

“Um,” you felt your face flush. You weren’t used to this kind of attention. “Okay, sure.”

His hands slid to your waist and he pulled you close, the two of you moving vaguely to the loud music. It wasn’t like skill really mattered on the dance floor, anyway.

“I’m Damien,” the man said with a smile, and the look in his eyes made you realize he didn’t plan for this to be a one-and-done sort of dance. Not that you minded - your friends might be annoyed if you ditched them for a guy, but you had been at the club for a while now, and your group of friends had spread out, so they might not really mind after all. Besides, you had seen your best friend making out with an unknown woman in the corner just 15 minutes ago, so she had no room to speak.

You introduced yourself and Damien watched you like you were the most interesting thing he had ever seen. His stare was…almost enchanting, in a way. 

What a weird thing to think, you mused to yourself. Maybe you were drunker than you thought. 

After the two of you had danced for a few songs, Damien took your hand, sending shivers through your body. “You look tired. Would you like to sit down?” He gestured to an empty booth nearby, and you nodded.

“Yeah, thanks,” you said as the two of you left the dance floor and sat. He smiled at you and you felt that enchanted feeling again.

Damien laced his fingers together and rested his chin on top of them, looking at you like you were the only other person in the building. You weren’t necessarily an unconfident person, but frankly, you really weren’t used to this level of attention, and it made you blush. “So,” he said. “What brings you here tonight?”

“My friend’s birthday,” you gestured vaguely in the direction you had last seen her. “You?”

He gave you a smile that you couldn’t quite place. “Just…looking.”

“Oh. Oh,” you said, as you caught the intention behind his words. “Um. Well, I mean I’m flattered, but I’m not really—” 

Damien’s low chuckle cut off your rambling. “Relax. Not like that, so don’t worry.”

“Oh. Um, okay,” now you felt kind of stupid. You were making a fool of yourself in front of the hottest man you’d ever seen.

His eyes looked into yours before he spoke again. “You seem like you’ve had a long night. Would you allow me to take you home?”

If you had a drink, you surely would have choked on it. “I only live a few blocks away. It’s okay.”

Damien gave you another smile. “Even better. I can walk you home. Trust me, I’m a gentleman. No funny business,” he splayed his fingers as if that was proof.

Maybe it was the number of drinks you’d had, or maybe you just made impulsive decisions. Either way, you agreed, and the stranger walked you back to your apartment.

The two of you chatted idly along the way, not really talking about much. When you made it to the front of your building, you pointed and said, “This is me.”

The man looked down at you, and gave a soft smile. He leaned in and kissed you on the cheek, which felt more intimate than if he had kissed your lips, somehow. “Sweet dreams,” he murmured, but it felt like he meant something more.

That night, you were having the hottest wet dream of your entire life.

The handsome man from the club had his face between your legs, and grinned wolfishly before diving in, licking and sucking in a way that gave you pleasure like never before. “You taste so good,” he murmured, and the vibrations from his low voice sent shockwaves of pleasure throughout your body.

“Fuck…” you mumbled. At your response, you could’ve sworn you saw Damien’s eyes flash blood red. A small part of your consciousness knew it was a dream, but it felt so real. And so, so good.

One moment you were whimpering and squirming, clutching Damien’s hair as you moaned his name, then the dream suddenly switched and his form was looming over yours, looking not unlike a hunter sizing up his prey.

You felt something against your thigh and looked down to see his thick cock pressed against your leg. Your eyes met his and he smirked.

“Don’t worry, I know it’ll fit,” Damien snickered as he rubbed the tip teasingly against your entrance. He moved his head closer to yours so he could press kisses to your neck, before suddenly biting down. Hard. 

You squealed, twitching in a way that bumped the tip of his cock on a sensitive spot and made you squirm even more. “I don’t wanna wake up…” you mumbled, desperate for more.

Damien chuckled again. “Mm, they always say that.” And with that, he plunged his dick into you with a gasp.

It was a dream. You knew it had to be a dream. But it felt so real. And it felt so good. You were whining as Damien pounded into you relentlessly, his own face bright red.

“Fuck,” he moaned. “You feel even better than I imagined.”

You weren’t even able to form a response; you just laid there as he fucked you better than anyone had in real life.

“Hah, you’re taking my dick so well,” he whispered into your ear, causing you to clench around him. “Feels like you were made for me, doesn’t it? Feels so good…”

His words, coupled with his earlier acts, brought you close to your peak. “I’m–fuck–I’m gonna…” your words were interrupted as he touched a particularly sensitive spot inside of you.

“That’s a good pet,” Damien grunted as he slammed into you. “Cum for me.”

And you did, crying out his name as you came undone. But he didn’t slow down at all. If anything, he moved even faster and harder as his own climax approached.

“Fuck!” Damien yelled as he thrust his cock as deeply as he possibly could inside of you, gripping onto your waist as he came. Breathing heavily, he pressed a kiss directly below your ear and said your name quietly. It sounded so beautiful coming from him. 

“I’m gonna have to come back for seconds,” he said with a laugh.

When you woke up in the morning, the dream was nothing more than a hazy memory that you couldn’t recall no matter how hard you tried. All you knew was that your legs were sticky and there was a dull heat throbbing inside you.

At that moment, entirely unknown to you, Damien himself was pacing back and forth on the rooftop of your building.

Damien prided himself on many things. He was a confident man. He was incredibly charming and equally as handsome. He could get anyone to do anything he wanted. He had been a demon for a very long time and had spent many, many nights hunting down prey, visiting them in their dreams, and taking what he needed from them to survive. This was how it had gone for many hundreds of years (he had lost count at this point). It was simple, there was no attachment, and he never struck the same victim twice.

Until now.

He cursed to himself as he walked to and fro, deep in thought. You had stood out to him at the club, naturally - he was not one to take on just any prey. No, he had specifics in what he liked, and always got what he wanted. But there was something different about you. Something that he couldn’t quite place, something that sent shockwaves through his body every time he thought about you and how you had behaved in your dream.

Damien should have known you were different from the instant he smelled you at the club. You had smelled like the most mouthwatering dessert to him, and that is when he knew you would be his pet that night. Actually getting to taste you, though, was something he had never experienced. Imagine the most delectable meal you have ever had, and then multiply it by five. That is how you tasted to Damien. You were so soft, so sweet, so tender. 

It was maddening.

He had to have you again. He knew that, at least. His mind was overwhelmed with millions of thoughts rushing in, all of them centered around you. How he could see you again. How you would taste and feel in your dreams again the next night. How he could make you permanently his.

That settled it. He would have to visit you nightly and keep an eye on you during the day too to make sure no one else had you. You were going to belong to him and him alone. Damien knew at that moment he would do whatever it took to make sure you were his. 

A grin slowly grew on Damien’s face as a solid plan formed in his mind. He whispered your name into the wind, savoring how it felt on his tongue.

When he was finished, you would never think of anybody else.

#yandere oc #yandere male #yandere x reader #male yandere x reader #yandere #writing #i hope u like this ive been working on it a while #if you like damien find more about him here -> #damien stuff

[forever-rogue]

Hello beautiful! Huge fan of your work! I have an interesting request. Don't know if you know or remember that tik tok trend where the women got those leggings, the ones that enhanced the ~booty~ and I immediately thought of frankie morales. 👀 could you do an x reader fic about that? Can be smutty too iykyk 🫠🥰 xo

AN | Oh, trust me. I do know 😏

Pairing | Frankie Morales x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 2.2k

Masterlist | Frankie, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────

You weren’t sure if you were more amused or embarrassed by your latest little impulse purchase. Perhaps it wasn’t so much an impulse considering you’d gone back and forth on whether or not to buy damn the thing.

Those silly leggings that everyone was talking about. The very ones that proclaimed to enhance your butt and make it look incredibly enticing. 

And, as you laid in bed one evening unable to sleep, you came to the decision to buy them. What was the worst that could happen? You’d have a new pair of leggings. Which wouldn’t be too bad. At best you’d have an extremely luscious booty. You considered that a win-win.

And now they’d arrived, your little package just sitting on the front porch until you were able to get home from work. 

Frankie had beaten you home and had grabbed the package and set it on the table in the kitchen, sending you a quick text to let you know you’d received a package. If only he knew what was in store. Maybe. The jury was still out on that one. 

Once you’d gotten home, you were ready to grab the package and all but ran upstairs. 

“Hey baby,” Frankie’s voice cut through your internal monologue and stopped you with a sweet smile. Your face flushed with warmth as you smiled back at him. Your husband, ever so observant, noticed that something was on your mind, “what’s up?”

“Hey my love,” you stepped over to him and let him wrap his arms around you, pulling you into a warm hug. His arms might have been your favorite place in the entire world, strong and soft at the same time, holding you just perfectly. You buried your face in his chest, taking his familiar scent, all uniquely him, “missed you today.”

“I missed you too,” you could feel his chuckle reverberating throughout his chest, the sound familiar and always welcome. You looked up at him, finding those big, brown eyes watching you reverently. You couldn’t stop yourself from leaning up and pressing a kiss to his lips…and then you stole a few more, “alright, what’s up with you?”

“Can’t I just kiss my husband without any ulterior motives?” you teased, wishing that for once he couldn’t read you so easily, “nothing’s up, Francisco. You’re just really handsome and I am really lucky.”

“Mhmm,” he hummed in content as you carded a hand through his dark locks, lightly scratching at his scalp, “whatever you say, Abejita.”

“Exactly,” you grinned, “whatever I say goes. What do you wanna do for dinner?”

“How about we order in Thai?” he suggested and you perked up, stomach already growling. He heard it and laughed, a sound that went straight to your heart, “I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll order if you want to go and change.”

“Perfect,” oh yes. This would give you the opportunity to try the leggings without him being too nosy, “just the usual please! I’ll be back in a few minutes!”

“You’re up to something!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” you shouted as you bounded up the stairs taking them two at a time. 

Once you made it to your bedroom, you ducked into the en suite bathroom and ripped open the package. You were almost giddy as you ran your hands over the soft, buttery fabric. You undid your pants and almost kicked them off in excitement before pulling on the leggings.

They did feel nice on your skin, and you turned to study yourself in the mirror. You posed a few times, trying to take in all angles to see if the leggings did what they proclaimed to do. After a few moments of intense scrutiny you realized that you couldn’t quite tell. You like the way your butt looked, but honestly you liked it in most things, so you weren’t sure if the leggings actually did anything. That would be up to Frankie to decide when you wore them. 

You pulled them back off and stuck them in the laundry basket to be washed soon. You doubted that Frankie would notice anything new, especially an unassuming pair of black leggings. You pulled off the rest of your clothes and slipped some comfy loungewear before heading back downstairs. 

Frankie’s face lit up at the sight of you; he was practically the physical manifestation of heart eyes. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” you whispered shyly, “you’re gonna make me fall even more in love with you.”

“You’re so beautiful,” he grinned happily as you waved him off, “I mean it.”

“Even in my lazy, comfy clothes?”

“Even in your lazy comfy clothes,” he agreed, “always and in anything you could ever put on or without anything on.”

“You’re a fool, Morales.”

“A fool for you, Morales,” and you almost knocked him over with the sheer intensity of your hug. You really, really, loved this man.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────

It was a few days before you managed to do laundry, and even longer until you finally grabbed the leggings. You’d almost forgotten about them at this point, but you had a day off and planned to do some stuff around the house, so you threw them on along with a t-shirt. Definitely not anything sexy or over the top, but comfortable. That’s what you were going for if you were going to be moving around. 

It wasn’t until that evening when you were making dinner that things got a little…interesting. Frankie had gotten home and had gone upstairs to clean up first, dirty and greasy (and very sexy in your humble opinion) and ever the gentleman with not wanting to get you dirty either. You were standing at the counter, chopping some vegetables for a salad when you heard him make his way back downstairs. 

“Hey honey,” you didn’t turn around just yet, instead focusing on the task at hand. When you heard nothing but silence, you assumed something was wrong. After wiping your hands on the tea towel you turned around to find him standing there with an expression of awe on his face, “Francisco? Is everything alright?”

“Y-yeah,” he managed to choke out, nodding slightly, “you look…umm. Wow.”

“Just so you know wow can mean a multitude of things, and not always good,” you crossed your arms over your chest and watched his face flush a pretty shade of rose, “care to elaborate?”

“You’re so fucking hot,” was all he managed to choke, which caused you to break into a fit of giggles. Normally so eloquent but suddenly rendered speechless, “I-I mean, you’re beautiful. You’re always beautiful but today you also just look so…hot.”

“Ahh, well thank you,” you bounced over to him and pressed a kiss to his stubbled cheek, “you look very hot yourself.”

“Are those new leggings?” he finally asked, eyes skimming down your body as he swallowed thickly, “they look nice.”

“Oh,” you looked down at yourself when it suddenly hit you that you were indeed wearing those leggings, “oh. Yeah, I am. You like them, Frankie?”

“I do,” he confessed, almost nervously as he tried to make sure he wasn’t saying the wrong thing. When he saw the coquettish grin on your face he knew that he’d said the right thing, “I really do.”

“Do they make my butt look good?” you turned around and lifted your t-shirt just enough to make sure he could get a full, long look at everything. 

“They sure do,” he rasped and before you could say or do anything else, you felt his hands on your hips and he pulled you into his body, “so good, you minx. You planned this didn’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you replied innocently, a small gasp escaping your lips as he slid his hands down to grab at your butt, “maybe you just really like my ass.”

“Hmm,” he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into his warm, soft frame. You felt him drag his lips against your shoulder and up the side of your neck which caused you to sigh happily, “you’re so gorgeous.”

“Francisco,” you reached up and gently touched his cheek as he rested his chin on your shoulder. You loved him, you loved this, but you decided that you were going to mess with him just a little bit longer, “but I’m in the middle of making dinner so can you please control yourself for a bit?”

“Fuck,” he groaned as you slipped out of his grasp, moving to lean against the other side of the counter. You put the most innocent look you could muster up before turning back to the cutting board, “you’re killin’ me here, baby.”

“Aww, my love,” you pretended to give him a pout and he playfully held up his middle before putting on a puppy dog face of his own, “can’t control your own horniness for a few minutes?”

“One - it’s going to be longer than a few minutes and two - can you blame me? Have you seen yourself?” he tried to reach over to touch you and shimmied out of his grasp as you held up the knife, “you’re brutal.” 

“I love you too,” you grabbed a piece of cucumber and gently shoved it in his mouth with a giggle before he could argue any further, “you know, if you help me finish dinner, we can eat sooner and that means we can-”

“Whatever you need,” he nodded eagerly, “I’ll help.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────

You made it a point to drop things or bend over as much as possible while the two of you made dinner. You could practically hear the small groans and sharp inhales that escaped his lips. Perhaps it was a little cruel, to taunt your poor husband like this, but you’d made it up to him later.

You also weren’t immune to the way he made it a point to siddle around you as much as possible, his hands just grazing over your body. You’d let him get away with it for now, just a little taste for what was to come.

“You’re eating so slowly,” Frankie pointed out as you chewed your bite a little bit longer before swallowing. Maybe you were, “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

“It’s important to thoroughly chew your food before swallowing,” you shrugged innocently, “it can really help your digestion.”

“You. Are. A. Menace,” he insisted, scowling at his broccoli like it had wronged him in a manner most foul, “can’t believe you tricked me into marrying you.”

“That’s because you know I’m worth it.”

“Not right now,” he mumbled as you started laughing. You knew he was just playing but it was a little fun to get him all riled up. That was just one of the many wonderful parts of your relationship. You raised an eyebrow and he sighed dramatically, “fine! Even right now.”

“That’s what I thought,” you took one more bite before pushing away your plate and leaning back in your arm. Frankie’s eyes were quick to shoot over to you as he drank you up, “you know, I think I’m done eating.”

“Oh?”

“Mhmm,” you grabbed your glass of wine and finished off before looking at him in what you hoped was a seductive look. Either way, it was your husband, he was a goner for you either way, “but…I’m still hungry.”

“Oh,” his pretty brown eyes widened. 

“Wanna help me out?” you stood up and held your hand out towards him. He watched you in silent awe before nodding eagerly and taking your outstretched hand. Before you could lead to him towards the stairs, he pulled you towards him, crashing his lips on yours hungrily. He kissed you like his life depended on it, refusing to part from you until you were both dizzy and out of breath “I see you do wanna help me out.”

“As if that was ever a question,” he  stole a few more kisses, making sure to get a good feel of your ass before dragging you towards the living room.

“Frankie! Upstairs - bedroom,” you snickered but he shook his head, messy curls bouncing roguishly. 

“No time,” he insisted, his hands already dancing under the hem of your shirt, “need you now, baby.”

“You’re too much!” but you were putty in his hands anyway.

“But you love me.”

“But I love you,” you shrieked happily as he gently pushed you onto the couch, pinning you underneath him. His eyes were as hungry as you felt, “Frankie.”

“As much as I love you in these leggings,” he tugged on the waistband, his voice low and raspy, “they need to come off.”

“Yes, please.”

#frankie morales #frankie morales x you #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x fem!reader #frankie morales imagine #frankie morales one shot #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x reader

[kaelily]

— RESPECTFULLY YOURS

ayato x gn!reader — sfw, mutual pining, rumors , flirting, pda

you promised to yourself that you would avoid him at costs, then why were you doing this in the first place?

when ayato invited you out for an evening walk with him after spending his birthday at the kamisato estate, you tried your best to turn him down. then, the realization that your decision to would affect your family greatly made you accept his offer at last. being the heirs of prominent clans in inazuma made the two of you responsible for various things. the least you could do was to not let the decisions you made give rise to any rumors because of the sharp eyes that observed the both of you from everywhere.

from the moment you became aware of your feelings for ayato, you were determined to avoid him at all costs. the possibility of your feelings being unrequited and the dissaproval on his face when he realizes it scared you to no end. it was also very easy for him to read people even when they're trying to hide something deep down. so it left you with no other choice than to slowly cut yourself off from him in a way he wouldn't become suspicious. since you didn't want stir up any potential trouble for your clan, the option to accept his invitation seemed to be the wisest one. the walk was surprisingly peaceful, with the two of you being rather silent, which was quite awkward but certainly not uncomfortable.

"i did receive your gift you know, thoma handed it to me today morning. so no need to worry yourself over it " ayato finally breaks the silence by bringing up the gift you practically shoved into thoma's hands before hurrying out of the kamisato estate, saying that you were quite busy with your own duties (which was a lie). you internally wince as you recall the incident.

"ah i'm glad, was it to your liking?"

ayato ponders for a moment before answering "yes it was indeed to my liking. you've got quite an excellent taste [name], as always." he pauses a bit before continuing "but later on, i realized that i wasn't satisfied with it as i thought i'd be." his confession, along with the slight frown that accompanied it causes your panic to rise but you refuse to let it be visible on your face.

"c–can i ask why it wasn't?"

"well, i could say that it was missing... something which was very important"

"alright, what was it then?"

ayato slightly alters his pace to move closer to you and takes your hand to intertwine it with his, all while your heartbeat continues to rise. he leans closer to slightly brush his lips against the shell of your ear, to answer your question with a sly smirk.

"it was you, darling. i was waiting for you, all along"

heat spreads all over your face as you look away from him to calm yourself down but ayato continues to remain unbothered as ever. when you finally reach the streets of inazuma, he lets go of your hand, much to your disappointment. but then, to everyone's suprise, his arm travels further along your body to gently grab your waist to pull you closer to him. as you struggle to remain composed in your clearly flustered state while the people of inazuma sneak glances at the both of you, ayato pretends not to notice it, as his thumb rubs slow circles on your waist.

REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED!!!

a/n: i was supposed to post this on his birthday but look who procrastinated and then got sick :) please lmk if i accidentally used any gendered terms!!

#astronetwrk #ayato x reader #kamisato ayato x reader #ayato x gn reader #ayato x you #ayato x y/n #ayato fluff #ayato #kamisato ayato #genshin ayato #genshin x reader #ᕱ ᕱ — creations

[fountainpenguin]

"When they see us coming, the birdies all try and hide... but they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide~" (x)

---

New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 27 - “Boil Over (Bdubs, Scar)”

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Start from Chapter 1

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

---

Bdubs and Grian dance around each other while planning their jungle temple base design. Meanwhile, Scott comes out to Scar about his allay hybrid side. Scar, fearing his glitchy vex code will corrupt his friend, debates cutting ties. Honest conversations are had.

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

---

BdoubleO100 - Phantom

Status: Yearning

Captain of New Star Station's phantom hybrid flock

💙  🧡  💚

By the time Grian swings open the door, wings perky and smile bright, it's too late to deny they're both gunning for something more than "casual roleplay dynamic chat" this evening. Bdubs went and stuck the scarlet feather on a gold clasp, which now hangs from a string at his neck. What are we? is a syrupy-sweet red herring overlaying the actual question of the evening, which is, of course… What are we? Or 'What are we gonna be?' if you wanna get technical.

Grian's face is flushed like he's been swooping laps around New Star all night. His eyes flick low enough to glance off the feather necklace, then bounce up again like he didn't see it. He totally did. There's too much mischief in his eyes. "Whoa," he says. He's fighting back a laugh or grin. He's losing both attempts. "You're really glittery."

"So are you," Bdubs points out.

"Mine's a squeaky clean skin," Grian tosses back. "My plumage would always look like this if I wasn't gathering messy resources and building all the time. What's your excuse?"

"Look at you! Coming on strong, poultry boy." Bdubs pushes through then, knocking Grian with his shoulder. Grian's apartment opens with the sitting area on the left - couch unoccupied - and the kitchen to the right. The floor's so shiny, it must've been freshly mopped. Or licked? Is there a mob that licks the floor? Maybe sniffers do that, though he's pretty sure there aren't any in New Star Station.

Grian's wearing socks striped red and white like candy canes. He shuts the door with a huff, then quips over his lifted wing muscle, "It's Poultry Man. But actually, it's not Poultry Man- Who's he?"

"Yeah, yeah…"

"You got a new lip scar."

"Wait- For real? It crossed over?" Bdubs' fingertips jump to his mouth. Sure enough, the vertical gash Impulse made with his sword curls from his upper lip across his bottom. Yikes. It glows white against his hand. "Well… This'll all blow over soon."

"It looks like a soul wound. Did you get-"

"It's fine!"

There are places to sit at both the bar counter and in the living area. Grian didn't specify a preference. Bdubs realizes in that moment he's never been invited to Grian's place as a proper guest before. He's glimpsed it. But usually when someone's way down at the end of phantom hour and squirreled away in a building, he sends Martyn to handle it. Bdubs hunts the streets on raw wing power, but Martyn's a specialist. When it comes to twisting through little gaps, he's the best they've ever had.

He makes a split-second decision and walks towards the living area. There's a white rug, a nice coffee table, and plenty of room to sprawl. "Hey, did'ya ever find out why we're playing early next session?"

"What?" Grian mutters, tapping after him on socked feet. Then, "Oh, no… I've no idea. It's my birthday, though. Maybe that's why?"

"Hm," says Bdubs. Back in 3rd Life, he sat out a session once for birthday-related reasons. Grian seems like he's thinking the same thing, because he pauses between the couch and an armchair, hands resting on them both.

"… You think I'll miss next week?"

"I mean, if it were my birthday, I'd prob'ly write a list of things I wanted my basing buddy to do. I'm just saying."

"Well, just because it's my birthday, it doesn't mean it's his birthday. And he's not really one to miss a recording."

Yeah, that's true. One time in Limited Life, Grian tried his best to cover when his boss wasn't feeling well enough to focus. It must've really wrecked their sync-cord too, 'cuz Grian kept coughing and lilting sideways like emotions and viruses were dogpiling from above.

Honestly, Grian jumped online long enough to establish a bare-bones presence, then crawled into free-cam and flew off to take a nap. Took ages to find him when the session wrapped up, but there was this whole other side to the map where no one was really basing, and eventually they found his purple parrot soul tucked in a tree with his head under one wing. Figures. Hopefully he'll just stay offline next time, or else call someone in to wear his skin for a day like Cleo and Pearl did when they knew they couldn't make it.

Anyway, Bdubs cocks his head. "Weird day to run the session early though, right? You might wanna write a list of materials or something I can grab in case you're gone. Maybe we need to move base."

Grian frowns, wandering his eyes across the sitting area. His cheeks look full and flushed in the lantern light. "I'd still like a break from building bases that'll just be exploded or burned. I think I'd know if he wasn't going to play, though… Although, Season 9 is ending. What if he's quitting Hermitcraft?"

"Oh, I'm sure that's not-"

The glow of Grian's eyes dims in panic, his energy needed elsewhere as his soul starts to squirm. "What if he's quitting the Life series? I mean, maybe he had a fight with someone. Maybe he yelled at his friend?" He takes to pacing. Bdubs follows with ticking eyes, not breathing a word. Grian always paces when he can't settle down. His fingers fold in front of his mouth. "Maybe he doesn't want me anymore. Bdubs, this might be it. If he's walking out on Minecraft for good, this could be the last night I ever come off AFK."

"I'm sure that's not true, G." He keeps his tone as kind as he can, hands resting in his pockets. At least he doesn't have to concentrate on keeping his wings down. It's just the tail, and that's easy to curl away so it doesn't flicker or misdirect. "It's the middle of a Life series. He's not gonna ditch you. I mean, think of the viewers!"

"I mean, he could. He could just walk out. Maybe he's dying. Or maybe he wants Two to jump in and cover for me." Grian looks down at his body then and rubs his palms across his chest. A pulse of purple sparks darts across his wings, then fizzles out. Bdubs tilts his head, but doesn't jump in. Grian's not gonna want someone baby-talking him while he's flickering. "You know, I… I think he's probably moving bases out there. And he's been playing a lot of Phasmophobia. Maybe New Star's not going to recognize me as a Minecraft player much longer. I mean, that's what happened to Netty, right? Except for her, it was Sims."

"He's prob'ly just wrapping up obligations so he can say good-bye to Season 9 and plan for Season 10. We have meetings and paperwork down here. I bet they have do that kind of stuff out there too. He's got friends and a wife. You wanna talk? I mean, I'm not gonna have solutions, but maybe you can walk me through your feelings."

"He has a wife." Grian sounds… dazed. Shell-shocked. Like he's been clinging to a rope for a little too long and someone just came through and sliced it clean with a Sharpness II netherite sword. Uh. This isn't news to him, right? "He's married. Do you think he has a kid? Maybe I'm a dad. Well, maybe he's a dad… I guess I won't be one unless I want to be. Maybe that's why it's been a struggle to focus on Season 9. Bdubs, you have kids, right?"

Bdubs blinks. "Huh? Yeah. I mean… yeah, my beloved does." You guys all know that, right? His beloved's kids don't have their own accounts yet. Probably someday will, and then Bdubs will do what Impulse and Jewel did and request the newbie to move to New Star, like they did with the other two. They're expecting a third pretty soon, I think. He shrugs. Golly, it's weightless without his wings. "I get emotion bleed from 'em sometimes; they play on my account. I can tell 'em apart. They're sweet."

[Full chapter on AO3 - Link at top]

#trafficblr #Grian #GoodTimesWithScar #Scott Smajor #BdoubleO100 #trafficfic #SnifferMyFeet #NPC Grian #Dog's Life #Dog's Life art #ridwriting #apparently art #mcyt #traffic life smp #Pixels Imperfect #fic announcement #bigbst4tz2 #Sniff and Pig

[lmh8903]

Benny Rodriguez x Reader Pt 1.

Lil intro: Hi, my name is Y/N McClennan, I'm the older sister of Alan McClennan, but everyone calls him YeahYeah. I am 17 years old, a junior, and I have the best boyfriend ever, Phillips.  I love baseball. I used to play at the Sandlot with the boys, but when I started dating Phillips, the boys got really pissed at me. It's been about a year since I've touched a baseball or even talked to my old friends, which was when I started dating Phillips. This has been incredibly hard since the boys have been my best friends for as long as I can remember. However, the only thing  I can really do about it now is to accept the fact that I broke their trust. Especially Benny's. 

Actual Story: Y/N's POV

I was incredibly excited for today. It was finally the official last day of my junior year. After a long and anticipated wait, school just got out, and now it's time for one of my last summers in the San Fernando Valley.

Of course, as part of my everyday routine, I walked up to Phillips's locker. "Hey," I said.

"Hey, baby," Phillips replied as he kissed my cheek. He grabbed my hand, and I gladly took it, but out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something unusual. Benny was looking at us, and it was clear he wasn't too thrilled.

This made me a little upset and curious because Benny and I were best friends for almost as long as I can remember. The day that our friendship ended was the day that I told him I started dating Phillips, which will be a year in two days. Everyone except Scotty and my brother rebelled to get me off their team, and we haven't talked since.

I still remember how he looked when I told him. He didn't look pissed off, he just looked sad and disappointed. The pain in his eyes, the betrayal. I understand that he and Phillips don't get along, but as my best friend, I was hoping he would have been supportive. I didn't realize I was thinking so much until Phillips cut me off.

"You okay babe?" Phillips asked.

"Yeah, of course, I'm fine," I replied with a slight smile.

He turned around, clearly knowing I was lying. Benny was still looking at us. "You're looking at Rodriguez?" Phillips asked.

"Oh, um yeah. I just wanted to make sure he saw this," I said as I passionately kissed Phillips. I don't even know why I did this. I would've liked to have mended my relationship with Benny, but this just shows that I don't care. How could I be so fucking stupid?

We pulled away when we heard a locker door and a door slam. I looked at where Benny was standing. He was gone. I could tell he was infuriated. I could kind of feel his pain in a way. It was obvious Benny was irritated when he saw us before I made the rash decision of kissing Phillips in front of him. I should have just left it at that.

In all honesty, I've always had a little crush on Benny. The way he is so passionate about baseball, it's pretty hot. Once Benny and I talked about the future, and what we wanted. He made it very clear that he did not have time for a relationship, nor did he want one. I knew at that moment I had to move on. So, I went with someone who had put in the effort of trying to impress me and decided to give him a chance.

I love Phillips, I mean, he's great, and we're super happy, but sometimes I wonder how happy I would be with Benny. I really miss him. After all, he was my best friend. I'm going to talk to Yeah-Yeah when I get home to see if the boys would let me back on the team. They really were the best and most loyal friends a girl could have. And what did I do? I started dating their enemy. Like who does that? Thinking about it now, I see why they kicked me off the team, and I wouldn't blame them if they didn't want to be friends again.

After thinking, Phillips and I start walking to his house. It's only a couple of blocks, so we don't feel the need to drive. It's nice walking with him. It's giving me time to clear my head and push out any doubts that I have.

Phillips then breaks the silence, "Y/N, are you okay? You've been acting weird since we saw Rodriguez." I sigh and reply, "I don't know. I just really miss my friends. I love you, and you know that, but I just wish they would get over it." Phillips responds, "I know you miss them. You also need to understand that, besides Rodriguez, there's an age difference there. They're only 14 and 15. Them being like this is somewhat valid, they're supposed to be immature, you know? Rodriguez, on the other hand, that's just immature." I don't say anything; I just give him a peck on the cheek and smile. We look up to see that we're standing outside his house. We go in, start watching movies, and cuddle.

After we get done hanging out at his house, I kiss Phillips goodbye, get in my car that I drove over to his house before school, and drive home. I start bawling in the car. Phillips made a lot of sense, but it doesn't hurt any less. I reach my driveway, park my car, and then head inside my house. I walk to Yeah-Yeah's room to go talk to him and see how the boys are doing. Once I get to his room, he's not in there. I guess he's still out with them. I then walk to my room and try to go to sleep in order to prevent myself from crying again. 

After struggling to fall asleep for a few hours, I left my bedroom. I look in Yeah-Yeah's room to see if he's home. He's passed out cold. I have no one to talk to currently, so I  walk to the one place I can fully clear my thoughts. 

Lmk if y’all want part 2!! <3

#fanfic #vintage #writing #the sandlot #benny rodriguez #benny rodriguez x reader #80s #90s #90s nostalgia #baseball #mike vitar #fluff

[jungkookslipring]

Not All Sunshine & Rainbows 🌈

Summary: you had an ugly coming out experience with a friend and you were devastated. Carbs-racha comes to the rescue❤️

AN: another experience that did in fact happen lol thank you @felixburneracc for choosing this lovely racha❤️ also to all of my gays, theys, and questioning baes, you are loved, and you are valid.

Happy almost pride month!🌈

Pairings: carb-racha x reader ✨

Genre: hurt/comfort ❤️‍🩹

Relationship: platonic 🫶🏽

Growing up you came from a very loving a supportive family, so it wasn’t too hard to come out to them once you were ready. You were slightly nervous to tell your friends, but half of them were beyond supportive and happy for you, while the others were of course equally as supportive but laughed their ass off and either said “we been knew” or “uh duh?”. You were blessed beyond belief. When you became friends with a new girl early in the year, you shared similar interests and even started going to concerts together. You became very close very quickly, best friends at that. You realized after a few months of being friends, you have not come out to her. It wasn’t until one day you decided to just casually say it, and long story short, it did not go well, and it broke your heart. You had one acquaintance in the past who said nothing but awful things about your community, and you had no problem never talking to them again, vowing to yourself that if you ever had an encounter like that again with one of your “friends”, you would have no problem cutting them off cause you had zero time for fake ass bitches…so why was this so hard? Why were you staring at your friend in disbelief when she said the same hurtful things but in a passive aggressive, more of “this is just how it is” tone? How come you felt so numb yet so hurt at the same time? How come you suddenly had the urge to cry? You excused yourself from her apartment and left immediately. You drove home, your heart torn, and your eyes slightly misty. You were so confused. You have made so many memories together just in the span of a few months, and you felt like it was all crashing down, cause once again, someone who was extremely closed minded, said awful negative things about your community, TO YOUR FACE. When you got home, you sat in your car for a second, trying to process what just happened. You promised yourself you wouldn’t keep anyone who wasn’t supportive in your corner, and now you were fighting with your brain whether or not you wanted to work it out. When you finally got out of your car, you started walking up the steps, and the very second you stepped into your apartment, your vision blurred. Your cheeks were immediately wet and your chest hurt. Being alone was on your agenda but suddenly you felt the need to be in someone’s arms. You turned your butt right around, walking out of your apartment door and back into your car. You weren’t sure who to call first, but that decision was made for you when one of your best friends sent you a pic of brown sugar boba in their hands with the text “thought of you today!’ right under it. You sniffled as you sent back a text almost immediately.

“Hyunjin… can I come over, please?” 😣

You almost didn’t hit send but his hugs sounded so good right now. You hit the arrow and waited. Almost immediately he responded.

Princet: “OF COURSE SILLY COME OVER” 😀 but not too long before sending

Prince: “Wait, is everything okay?” 😶

Your lip quivered when you typed out

“Not really”

You know is phone is surgically attached to his hands when he sends

“Come over y/n”. Not too long after you got two more messages from your friends. They must’ve been next to him or something.

Pup: “Drive safe y/n”

Maknae: “Whatever it is, it's going to be okay”

You blinked back the tears that were threatening to blur your vision so you could drive to their place. They didn’t live too far from you, but you know, safety. Once you got to their place, you pulled up your emergency break and stepped out of your car. You knew your eyes were probably puffy and red, but you knew there would be no judgment, and that was all you needed right now, no judgment. When you got to their floor, you quietly knocked on their door. In .2 seconds, Hyunjin was at the door, his face softening when he looked into your eyes. He didn’t even know what was wrong, but you weren’t one to get upset often. So seeing you so broken was devastating.

“Oh y/n…” he whispered when more tears filled your eyes. He gently grabbed your wrist and pulled you into the apartment, seconds before your cheeks were no longer dry. Hyunjin pulled you into his arms once the door was closed. Seungmin and Jeongin came around the corner, sharing worried glances at each other before walking over to you and Hyunjin. The tallest held you close as you did your best to hold in any noise that your body was desperately trying to release. The boys could sense that.

“Y/N, you don’t have to be so strong, you can let it out,” Hyunjin encouraged. You shook your head. No. You weren’t going to be weak now. Seungmin came up and started rubbing your back.

“It’s a safe space, y/n, I promise,” Seungmin said comfortingly. You knew that. You knew you could be yourself around them. You knew you could be who you were but you didn’t want to be weak. You didn’t want to show them that side of you. Did you trust them? Of course! With your life! But you’ve always been strong for them, you didn’t want the roles to reverse just yet. It wasn’t until Jeongin came up behind Hyunjin, and placed his forehead on yours to whisper,

“We love you y/n”.

You broke. You broke and you broke down hard. You didn’t think this one friend had that much of an impact on you but it was evident how hurt you were when you were soaking Hyunjin’s shirt in your tears. Sob after sob was ripped from your throat as the boys held you.

“It hurts, it really hurts,” you cry out as you tighten your grip on Hyunjin’s shirt. He leaned his head on yours as he brought up his hand to cradle your skull. They’ve never seen you so sad before, and they were ready to fight whoever hurt you like this. Seungmin and Jeongin went from rubbing your back to creating one big group hug around you and Hyunjin. You hated crying but you had to admit, it felt good letting it all out. After what felt like an eternity. You lifted up your head from Hyunjin’s shoulder and wiped your eyes. He kept a tight yet gentle grip on you as he looked into your eyes that still had a pool of tears in them.

“I’m sorry, it’s stupid,” you croaked. Seungmin shook his head.

“Nothing that makes you this upset is stupid y/n, isn’t that what you always tell us?” He asked gently. Damn, you really were the biggest hypocrite.

“What happened?” Jeongin asked as you laid your head back down on Hyunjin’s shoulder. You closed your eyes and let out a deep exhale. You were drained. Hyunjin stroked your hair.

“You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, y/n, but we’re here ready to listen with no judgment whatsoever, yeah?” He said so sweetly. Dammit you loved your friends so much. Another tear fell from your eye, and Jeongin was quick to wipe it away with his thumb. You let out a shaky breath and nodded slowly.

“Let’s go sit down,” Seungmin suggested, placing a hand at the small of your back. The four of you walked to the couch and sat down. You were seated in between Seungmin and Jeongin while Hyunjin squatted in front of you, gently rubbing your thigh. Seungmin had his arm around your waist while jeongin had his arm around your shoulders, your head leaning towards the youngest. You let out another shaky breath as your eyes got misty once again. You didn’t know how to say it, you were still in shock.

“I uh…I guess I kind of just had a really…really not good coming out experience with a friend…” you whisper as you try to swallow the lump in your throat. Jeongin made a pained noise as he squeezed your shoulder and kissed your head.

“I’m sorry about that y/n…” Hyunjin whispered. You shook your head.

“It’s fine,” you said quietly. Seungmin began to rub your side. You began to explain to them everything she said, and their eyes turned to the size of saucers.

“Y/n, that’s opposite of fine,” Hyunjin said with so much hurt in his voice.

“They had no right saying that kind of thing to you,” Seungmin said right after.

“That’s so awful…” Jeongin whispered as you sniffed on his shoulder.

“Guess I was meant to have at least one person not support who I am…” you squeak out. Hyunjin shook his head.

“That’s not true, no one deserves to go through that,” he whispered, still rubbing your thigh. You were torn cause you wanted to keep your friendship alive but you were hurt. You explained your troubles and the three guys listened intently.

“Whatever you decide to do, we love you, ALL of you, and we support you no matter what, okay?” Seungmin slightly chucked at the end when he wiped another tear that fell from your eye. You give him a tight lined smile as you sniffle.

“I love you guys so much,” you whispered. They hugged you once more, reminding you that you were loved.

#stray kids #stray kids x stay #skz fanfic #stray kids fluff #seungmin #jeongin #hyunjin #skz imagines #skz fluff #skz stay #skz x reader #skz angst

[x-reader-things]

“You’re our son—” (Spider-Man AU - part 3)

Part One ; Part Two

Ezra Bridger x gn!Reader

Summary ; In which Hera tells you both the plan of action.

Requested? ; No! Part three of the AU that I talked about in my last post- :DDD

Warnings ; mention of Kanan’s master Depa Billaba getting killed. Also not much of a warning, but found family things w / Hera, specifically- <33333

Word Count ; 1.3k

——————————————————————

The explanation was small, and straight to the point. After a couple years of living with the Ghost Crew, Ezra figured out that long winded explanations wasn’t the best route to go down when talking with Hera.

He and Kanan heard from police scanners that ‘The Inquisitor’ was at it again, terrorizing others on a subway train for whatever cause he was trying to pull them into (something something ‘Empire’ or whatever. Ezra didn’t pay too much attention). The both of them swung their way over, got to the subway station just before the train went off on its way, and swung in just in time.

And just before the police got to them too, thankfully. They really don’t appreciate a vigilante when they see one. Luckily, Hera had some pull to help them out of trouble.

While Kanan was busy getting citizens in the subway car, Ezra was busy fighting ‘The Inquisitor’ on his own for the first time.

Bad decision, because he ended up getting thrown onto one of the seats, and his mask got ripped off, which revealed his identity to the ‘Big Bad’ he was fighting. Not that The Inquisitor knew his name, but he definitely knew his face now.

And now yours, too.

Because you were right there, unbeknownst to both heroes and the villain. Hidden in that corner, shielding yourself and your groceries with only your school bag. And you visibly and verbally reacted when you saw what happened.

It doesn’t even take an idiot to realize that you knew who Ezra was once the mask was taken off. Especially when said idiot was The Inquisitor. Which was a no bueno with Kanan and his rules.

After all, he lost his teacher - the only motherly and parental figure he had - Depa Billaba, because something similar happened to him years ago. He never really explained what happened to Ezra. All Ezra knew was that a lot of people were killed that day because of it. Including her.

Kanan could never live it down in the slightest, because of that. He wanted Ezra to always be careful with his mask when going out in the city as another Spider-Man, just in case.

Which, in turn, probably made this situation a lot worse, the more Ezra thought about it.

Hera hummed, mouth pressing into a thin line once Ezra finished his explanation. “Ok… that makes this, well, a little bit more difficult than I thought.”, she said thoughtfully.

She placed the warm ceramic cup down onto the table, and sat up fully. “But, that doesn’t mean this can’t be fixed.”

“Y/n”, she said, turning to you. “You’re gonna have to lay low here for a little while, ok?”

“Wait - what?”, you furrowed your brows, looking at all the grocery bags on the table in front of you. “What about these? Or - or my parents? Or school??”

“We‘ll have that covered, kiddo, don’t worry.”, she smiled at you. “I’ll have Sabine and Zeb drop them off later on today, and we can call up your parents to explain the situation. I work as a consultant for the police, and this house is a designated safe house just in case for situations like these. We have a guest room you can stay inc and You and Ezra can still go to school. You just have to be driven there instead.”

“But the—“ Hera cut you off again.

“I know, I know, the traffic sucks.”, she pointed a thumb to the rooms behind her. “Kanan and I know our way around the city on the roads. So does Sabine, if we can’t drive you guys. It’ll be fine.”

The smile she gave you was one full of sincerity and hope. It was… oddly calming, to say the least. Then again, she always had that effect on you. And Ezra (not that he would ever admit that to Hera herself though. You, however, are a different story).

You took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. It calms you down, before the rush-in of loud thoughts could make their way into your head again. It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine.

You’ve had sleepovers there before, anyways. It’ll be just like those. Just… a really long winded one, until The Inquisitor is off your’s and Ezra’s tail.

“As for you, Ezra Bridger”, Hera continued once again, her voice taking on a sterner lilt. “No going out as Spider-Man with Kanan for a while. Not until we have the situation with The Inquisitor under control, alright? Do you understand me?”

“What?”, now it was his turn to question the decision made. “Oh, c’mon Hera, it was one slip-up—“

“One slip-up that could easily get you and your best friend either hurt or in danger, or - hell - even both”, she told him, gesturing to the both of you. Her tone grew more serious, more urgent the more she went on. “Kanan and I aren’t willing to risk it, Ezra. Your our son—“

Ezra’s eyes subtly went wider. The amount of conviction in Hera’s voice struck a chord in him, one that he sometimes forgets he has.

Family.

The concept is still so new to him, even if it’s been a few years.

“—much like how Sabine’s our daughter. And Y/n may not be apart of this family, but we care about them just as much as you do. We need you both to be safe. This is the best course of action we’re able to do right now, alright?”

Ezra sighed, shoulders visibly deflating. Hera was right; you both knew that. It was the best course of action, and there wasn’t much either of you could say about it. Not right now, at least.

And it’s not like he minded being out on house arrest either. Especially if it was with you. It could be fun, if things went smooth enough.

Hopefully.

“Alright”, he agreed, albeit a hint of reluctance still hung on to the edge of his words. “If this is the best course of action to keep us safe then… I guess it’s fine. Right?”

He looked to you.

“Right.”, You gave a reassuring nod, brows furrowing upwards afterward for a moment in a silent question. He nodded back at you, reassurance there and clear as day for you this time.

Hera’s face softened up, a small and relieved smile turning the corners of her mouth up. “Good. It’s settled then. I’ll go get Sabine and Zeb to grab the groceries and bring them to your parents, Y/n. In the meantime… think about dinner.”

She stood up from her seat, bringing the cup of coffee with her. “Usually it would be my turn to choose what to have tonight, but I’ll leave that decision with you”, she raised her cup in your direction. “After all, it was this bucket-heads fault for getting your into this mess.”

She lightly flicked Ezra’s ear. He let out an indignant noise, and brought a hand up to his ear, staring at Hera with a look of utter betrayal.

“Hey!”, he exclaimed, pouting a little bit. “What was that for?”

“You know why, Ezra.”, Hera gave him a pointed look, and turned back towards the kitchen. On her way, she glanced back at you again. “Think about what you want for dinner, sweetie. It can be anything you want.”

You smiled brightly at the thought. Hera chuckled fondly at the sight, and opened the door to the kitchen, closing it behind her once she stepped over the threshold.

Ezra slowly turned back to you, his hand still rubbing his ear. Flick or not. Hera’s strength stung.

“Soo… what’re you thinking about for dinner?”, he asked you. The casualness of it all made you both fall right back into the usual comfortability, as if nothing big happened between you two, or the family in the house you were in.

The bright smile you had stayed clear as day, only enhanced by the setting sun blaring through the blinds behind you.

“How does Chinese food sound?”, you asked, leaning your forearms against the table.

Ezra always thought sunsets were beautiful. This one was just as lovely.

“Sounds perfect.”

His own smile radiated back at you, like the glare of the moon reflected back to the sun.

#ezra bridger x reader #star wars rebels x reader #gn!reader #platonic x reader #romantic x reader #x reader #platonic!hera syndulla x reader #platonic!ezra bridger x reader #romantic!ezra bridger x reader #romantic!reader #platonic!reader #when found family <33333 #HE IS HERA AND KANAN’S SON #And you are the favorite best friend #they like both Jai and Zare but you are the favorite #also I am once again abusing italics #they are #so fun to use #oml #trying not to use them too much though lmao

[clacing]

Do you think Harrow would ever hit Homura levels of "girl who is just fine, everyone else is the problem"? Or do you think she's surpassed Homura in that area?

From what I've seen of the TLT fandom, Harrow seems to be almost universally loved, so I wonder if she'll do something that ppl will say is too messed up and start writing posts about how she's actually the devil. I think if that happened it would make me like her more than, or at least as much as, Homura.

THAT'S A REALLY GOOD QUESTION 'cause I've said repeatedly that Homura and Harrow are the same character but I never considered that Harrow doesn't really have an equivalent to Homura's "becoming the devil". She might still get one since she's literally going to be in hell for the first part of ATN but I honestly think it's too late in the game for her to do something that's actually unforgivable. The rift between Gideon and Harrow is already as large as you could make it because of Harrow choosing to forget about Gideon and even that is only a Wraith Arc Homura level of offense. With only one book left I don't think there's time for the rift to grow even deeper and for it to have a satisfactory resolution. She might do something terrible against John at the very end I guess but that'll be far from shocking unless she like, blows up a planet in the process or something (as I am writing this I just realized Harrow actually already blew up several planets so actually that won't cut it)

Even if Harrow were to pull an actual Rebellion, it would be framed and received differently, if only because I trust a target audience of mostly sapphics won't jump to "She's a horrible person and literally the devil" the moment she makes a morally ambiguous decision. I mean, look at Ianthe. She's absolutely awful and everyone loves her for it. Gay people are starved for complex characters like that and I'm sure if Harrow just went fucking apeshit everyone would love her even more.

Homura on the other hand is in a show targeted to adult men who have no idea what it's like to be a teen lesbian and can only spout misogyny and homophobia out of their ass. I also think a lot of the criticism coming from queer people is simply due to Rebellion coming out at a time when everyone still criticized morally ambiguous queer representation because of how few gay characters were actually around back then, and so everyone was understandably up in arms at Homura becoming the devil because of her feelings for Madoka. I love Rebellion to death and think it's the best movie ever made but I know if I'd watched it back then I also would have hated it, and people who first watched it in 2013 probably still can't shake off their first impression of it even though times have changed. But queer representation is definitely at a point where we can want something more than perfectly sanitized stories and it says a lot that people will usually be much more receptive to Homura if they watch Rebellion now

So yeah I honestly don't think Harrow will ever beat Homura on that front. Maybe she'll do something bad but in a series where everyone does bad stuff and in the context of what Harrow has already done I honestly think barely anyone will even blink. The reason Homura's actions are still debated today is that no one saw it coming and so everything felt so much more shocking because of how abrupt it was

#homura akemi #harrowhark nonagesimus #madoka magica #locked tomb

[nicsalazar]

What baking can do || Andy, Leah & Nicole

TIMING: Two weeks ago. LOCATION: Ramirez Residence PARTIES: @declinlalune @phoenixleah & @nicsalazar SUMMARY: Leah plans a Christmas baking sale to help with Fully Booked's restoration. Andy and Nicole are there to help WARNINGS: None.

It was gone.  Everything.  Everything Leah had ever worked for had just… vanished in one night, and technically by her own hand, too.  Well, not everything was gone.  The building was still standing, and their apartment, sure.  But the books, her inventory, after years and years of being built upon… it was gone.  It took her a week after the fire just to get out of bed before noon, and even longer to start coming up with a plan to get Fully Booked full of books again.  She and Nicole, of course, still had Nicole’s income, and the money they’d been putting away for years (not many people in Wicked’s Rest didn’t have a just in case fund stashed away somewhere), but if she ever wanted to open the store again, they needed inventory, and they couldn’t cut into Nicole’s salary for that.  

She couldn’t remember which of them had come up with the idea, but as soon as it was out in the open, she didn’t know why they didn’t think of it sooner.  It would probably take a lot of fundraisers before they’d be able to open again, but people were going to be willing to donate, right?  Fully Booked had been a staple of the community for years.  A winter holiday baked goods fundraiser had to be an enticing enough first fundraiser to convince people to participate (just in case, for some odd reason, the allure of literature wasn’t).  

“I think she’s here”, Leah chirped from the kitchen counter where she’d been organizing ingredients all morning.  There was a gentle rap on the door just before, Andy no doubt still a bit anxious after all had transpired between the three of them.  But she was more than the perfect fit to help, and Leah couldn’t wait to pick her ear about the perfect measurements, or which sprinkles went the best with which frosting.  Even if it didn’t raise any funds, their time together today would certainly boost Leah’s baking in the future.  “Do you mind going to get it?” she asked Nicole.  Nicole, sweet Nicole who had been her rock through this all (even so far as helping her cover up her slight arson- would she have been able to pull off the controlled burn if her girlfriend hadn’t been a firefighter?  “I have to admit I’m sort of… excited? If you can believe that.”

To almost everybody else, Leah had put on a brave face after Fully Booked burned down. She had remained optimistic in the face of adversity, talking about getting back to work to quickly ensure the bookshop was up and running in no time. To the outside world, it looked like this accident had ignited a fighting spirit within Leah. It was true, to an extent. The determination was there, keeping Leah’s spirit intact underneath her pain. But very few were privy to what the loss of her dream had done to the woman Nicole loved. In the few weeks that had passed since the incident, she found herself repaying a lot of that patience Leah had shown her at the beginning of their relationship. It wasn’t a debt Leah would’ve kept score of, of course, but Nicole knew. She always remembered. She’d carried the guilt of her shortcomings for years. So, as the tables turned, she stepped up. It had proven how solid the relationship had become. If only the circumstances that led to that realization had been different…  

Nicole watched, leaning against the door frame, a fond smile etched on her lips. She knew better than to try to help with Leah’s organization. Her efforts were better spent encouraging her from a distance. So that’s what she did, only intervening if her girlfriend asked for it. It was a good system. Because there was something about the spark in Leah’s eyes that hadn’t been there in the past weeks. Nicole herself was uplifted by it, her heart lighter than it had been since the decision was made to burn it all down in order to preserve the scribe journals. Her girlfriend moved around the kitchen with more energy than she had in weeks, and Nicole stood there sinking into that pool of warmth and affection she had for her. 

There was a knock on the door, and before either of them could speak, she heard Nacho’s sloppy footsteps rushing to the entrance. Nicole could’ve sworn Jane’s scent drifted into the room too, signaling she was on the move. Well, that was new. Apparently, everyone was excited to see Andy. “I can see that. Looks good on you,” she breathed out as her attention went back to Leah, nothing short of relieved. “Got it, yeah” Nicole nodded, flashing her a soft smile before walking over to welcome their visit. “Right on time” she muttered, as Andy appeared behind the door. She hesitated for a second, unsure whether to offer a handshake or a hug, or— a pat on the back? Until she settled for… stepping aside to let the woman in. They were still working on that, it was fine. It didn’t look like Andy noticed. “Be prepared, she’s… pretty fucking excited” and some of that joy was evident in Nicole’s own tone too. “Thanks, for doing this Andy”.

It was an odd thing, settling between the horrors of what happened in the cabin with that ranger, to finding Nicole in the woods, and now this. Now this, where Leah’s life’s work had been brought to its knees by something as stupid as book wyrms. Andy had done some research after being told what had happened, but she still couldn’t quite understand why it happened, and why it had to happen to her friend. 

Hadn’t they gone through enough at this point? Andy wanted to scream at the sky, to something she didn’t believe in, to beg for something kind to befall them instead of tragic. She hated the way this all continued on, hated the way that she couldn’t be sure that her friends would be safe, even with something as simple as something non-hunter related. She hated this town and what it kept taking from the people she cared about, but did her feelings matter here? Not so much, no. 

So when Nicole and Leah asked if she would help with a fundraiser, Andy jumped at the chance to help. To give her friends something to look forward to, to give them hope. She pulled in front of the building, frown twisting as she noticed the closed signs on the front door of the shop. It made her chest ache, knowing just how much Leah cared about the place to begin with. But she tried to give in to the lightheartedness of their interaction now, to give to them what they’d given to her time and time again. 

The door opened not long after she knocked and she smiled as Nicole appeared in her view. She looked a little tired, but better than the last time she’d seen her. That was good. “You don’t need to thank me, I’m more than happy to help out.” That much was true, especially considering it’d been awhile since she’d last gotten into a kitchen to bake her heart out. “She’s excited? Really? That makes two of us.” Andy flashed Nicole a smile before kicking her boots off to the side. She leaned down to scratch Nacho behind the ears before following Nicole back into the kitchen. “You’ve got quite the spread going on here, Leah.” She grinned at her friend before padding further inside, looking at all the ingredients that the phoenix had laid out. “Damn, I think you might be more of a professional than me.” Andy went to the kitchen sink and washed her hands before patting them dry on a paper towel. “Tell me where you need me, boss.” 

Leah could hear the faint sounds of greetings from the front of the apartment, and it brought another grin to her face. They should have thought of this earlier.  Maybe this was the start of something better- maybe their wave of bad luck shit sandwiches was over, and all they had needed as a catalyst was some good old fashioned friend time and some baked goods.  She was just finishing her last bits of organizing- a little more sprinkles in this bowl, that piping bag of frosting tilted just so, checking and rechecking that they had enough measuring cups..- when she heard Andy’s voice enter into the kitchen behind her.  

She blushed with pride at Andy’s words, brushing them off with a quick toss of her hand as she went to stand by Nicole’s side.  “A professional? Oh, no way.  I just know the pride in an organized workspace, is all.” She said, admiring just how organized their workspace actually looked.   She couldn’t help but get even more excited at the prospect of being called boss, even if by a close friend like Andy.  She looked toward Nicole with a proud grin, and then back toward Andy, clapping her hands together. “Okay!  So stop me if this is over ambitious, but I have more than a few ideas working for the Winter Fundraiser.”  As she spoke, Leah realized she hadn’t even shared all of her ideas with Nicole, so this would be her first time hearing some of them, too.  “My first idea was that we could make little cookies that look like books-super cute, right?  We could even title them with all the classic names with little piping bags.  But THEN that spurred on my idea to sell boxes of cupcakes, all themed after everyone’s favorite christmas classics!  A Christmas Carol Cupcake?  I’d take 20!”  She was getting ahead of herself now, but no one could stop Leah’s idea flow once it started. 

“Oh, and this next idea Nicole helped with, right, Babe?  Edible Peppermint stick bookmarks!  Obviously they have a shelf life, so we could even sell them with more sustainable bookmarks too, just so people feel like they’re worth it.  But… totally cool. Right?!  Who wouldn’t love an edible bookmark in their Christmas stocking?”

Nicole trailed behind Andy, stopping for just a second to crouch and pick up one of Nacho’s toys. She waved it at him, drawing his attention away from the kitchen. Hopefully, he’d remain entertained long enough while they got their hands dirty. He would certainly be rewarded if that was the case. She joined the pair a moment later, smiling at the ongoing conversation. Her eyebrows lifted, looking at Leah perk up after being called boss. Yeah, she was pleased with that one. Maybe even reminded her that she still was one. But… at heart, or— metaphorically, like kids said nowadays.

She nodded encouragingly as her eyes locked with Leah. She’d been scribbling in her notebook a little too much at night. An abnormal amount, if such a thing was possible for the scribe. Nicole didn’t ask why, she never questioned when Leah fell into those cryptic moods, because she knew eventually, her girlfriend would come out ready to share all of those thoughts she had been stewing on and putting on paper. It appeared the answer to the mystery was about to be revealed. Her face softened, an adoring glance on Leah when the woman started sharing her ideas, hands flying everywhere, eyes shining in excitement. It was nothing short of healing to see Leah like this again. Her own spirits were lifted by the sight.

Her gaze quickly turned to the floor, heat spreading in her cheeks at the sudden attention. She shook her head shyly,  not exactly ashamed of the idea, but uncertain she deserved any sort of praise. Nicole had found it on one of those… websites. The pinning interest or something. She wasn’t sure how it worked still, but a search bar was a search bar everywhere, and some interesting results came back when she asked the right question. She liked the bookmarks, Leah liked the bookmarks, and she was as confident about the idea as someone like her could ever be about anything. Being suddenly put on the spot did make her nervous, however. Briefly. She was among people who cared about her after all.

With the ideas out in the open, Nicole moved away from the pair. “Haven’t baked in thirteen years,” she explained, anticipating a pang of grief. There was a reason why she’d lost interest in many culinary endeavors.  “I’m good— I can hand you the ingredients. I’m good with that. And…stirring and kneading if that’s—” she stopped for a second, a sheepish grin on her face. “That wasn’t a cat joke” She tilted her head, flustered. But there was lightness in her chest that wasn’t there before. She was so relieved there were no secrets standing between the three anymore. “Can’t be too hard…” she shot a look at the counter, where Leah had printed a recipe. Cupcakes were entry-level, no? Cookies on the other hand, she knew they were incredibly deceptive. “Tell me where to stand and I’ll…” she trailed off, making her point evident by now.

Andy hadn’t realized it, but her smile only grew as Leah explained her plans. She was enthusiastic, and that made her feel a lot better about the situation. They could be sad about the book store, but also be proactive. It seemed like Leah wanted to take the latter approach, and Andy looked around the kitchen as Leah continued on. It was ambitious, but she didn’t figure it wasn’t anything they couldn’t do. Once she got back to work, maybe she’d see about taking a cut from her paycheck so that some of the proceeds of their sales went back to the bookstore, too. It could be a surprise for later on, or maybe a backup plan if Leah’s current plans didn’t exactly pan out. Though, it seemed like she was organized enough. 

Leah’s determination rubbed off on Andy and she found herself nodding along enthusiastically with the plans that were laid out. At the mention of the edible bookmarks, Andy looked over at Nicole with a grin. “That’s actually a really good idea. If anything, it’d give the kids something to snack on and the parent something usable.” She wasn’t sure what peppermint bark tasted like, but she guessed she was about to find out. 

“You’re going to have to give me a list of book names, I’m not really good with them, but otherwise I think it’s a really awesome plan.” She clasped her hands together and watched as Nicole moved towards the edge of the makeshift factory line Leah set up. With a laugh, she nodded. “Sure, but I’m going to pretend it’s a cat joke.” The constant buzz and prickle was easy to ignore now that she’d spent so much time with the two. It was like when she was with Alex. She was grateful for the normalcy in it, and in the situation at hand– even if it’d come at the price of Leah losing her bookstore. 

“Okay, I’ll start on the dry mixes, then Leah, I think you should work onto the wet ones, and Nicole, you combine, you knead, you do whatever.” She looked between the two of them, smile still in place. “Does that sound like a good place to start?” Andy looked over the ingredients again before pointing towards the table in the other room, “we should clear that off, too.” They’d need to cool off the cupcakes and cookies before they even thought of icing them.

The kitchen, and Leah’s heart, felt abuzz in a way it hadn’t in a long time.   “It’s like riding a bike”, she said as a way to reassure Nicole, sending her a warm glance.  In truth, Leah had no idea if the process would come back as easily as that for Nicole.  So many other things hadn’t, so why would this be any different?  But like with so many other things, Leah opted to push through with an aire of optimism about it- with the intention of picking up the pieces later if it didn’t work.  Nicole always responded well to this method, maybe she even found it comforting.  “Ingredients and general cat-like duties.  An integral part of the baking team!”  With that, she grabbed Nicole’s waist and playfully led her toward the counter where she’d started laying out the ingredients, stocked with enough bowls to separate them accordingly.  She spun her around once before she set her there for good.

Moving closer to Andy, she grinned, pulling a slip of paper out of her back pocket and sliding it over to her friend.  “Way ahead of you”, she said.  Sure, the list with various holiday book names was legible, but it was also filled with scrapped ideas being scribbled off and doodles of potential design ideas.  She hoped Andy could make it out.  “Okay- sounds like a plan”, she chirped, grabbing a bowl to get to work.  “Babe, you think you could pour some milk in here for me?”

Then, she flew over towards the dining room table, making quick work of clearing the holiday decorations she and Nicole had laid out there a few days earlier.  “What’s your favorite thing to bake, Andy?  Do you want to add anything to our list?”

There was a stiffness to her soul, to her spirit. The human one. Nicole wasn’t sure if there was any other way to describe it. It was strange… being. Unnatural. For the longest time, she considered herself atrophied. The fibers of her essence weakened by years spent walking the earth as another being. There was no period of rehabilitation after, only a world that demanded her to be in touch with her humanity as soon as she was thrust back into civilization. But she’d had nothing to offer, she’d been empty at her core, so it became about surviving. Before Leah, it was all she ever did. To laugh, to joke, to even exist peacefully were luxuries she was too depleted to enjoy. 

Stiff still moved though, stiff still worked. Heavy, like an old injury that didn’t quite heal as expected. But despite her body’s chronic pushback to the concept of being, her heart fluttered when Leah’s hand reached for her waist guiding her to the correct station. The sound of Andy’s laugh at the unintentional joke elicited her own smile. Tight, weary, but genuine. And still worthwhile. Very much so. The bike analogy didn’t escape her, Leah had used it before too. In every aspect, her return to society had been exactly that. The bikes kept coming. She wished they would fucking stop sometime. 

Nicole snapped out of her thoughts before they turned into quicksand in her heart. For now, in this kitchen, surrounded by the people she felt safest with, she could put her soul in motion again. Exercise the muscle of living. She followed Leah’s scent as she rushed to the dining table, grounding herself in the process. Her hands touched the counter as she stood comfortably in her station, observing Andy and Leah hash out the final details. Pouring the milk she was asked to. She could do that, of course. Even if she and milk didn’t get along. She wasn’t incompetent. “Don’t know if there are… Christmassy bear claws” she mumbled, hesitating once Leah’s question came. Her eyes searched for Andy, their stories not too dissimilar. She wondered how she was doing without the bakery. How independence was working for her. If the evening might encourage her to go back. A break was always good, but surely everyone missed her at the Bread Cemetery. 

The affection that Leah had for Nicole was bright— so bright in fact, that Andy felt the need to avert her gaze, to focus on something else. It was easier that way, anyway. She didn’t like to feel like she was somewhere she shouldn’t be, even if she and the other two were extremely close, especially now. It wasn’t that the affection made her uncomfortable, it was just that she hadn’t ever experienced anything like it, so it was a little foreign to her. 

When Leah ventured back to her side, Andy took the list of book names from her with a grateful smile. “You know me so well.” She scanned the list, only being able to pick out maybe three or four from the lineup. She didn’t think it mattered, but she set it down to the side, careful not to get any flour onto it. She began to combine the dry ingredients into the mixing bowl and moved it closer to Leah’s station. At her question, she shrugged. “Bear claws are fun to make, but croissants take a lot of patience, and I think it’s fun making different ones.” It had taken her awhile to get used to the way precision was necessary, but over time, she got better. Now, her strawberry croissants were to die for, even if Bread Cemetery didn’t offer them. She made them at home, mostly— for Alex when she asked for them. Maybe she’d make them for Leah and Nicole, too. 

“I’m sure we could make them Christmassy if we really wanted to.” She leaned against the counter on her side of the station, beginning to work on the second bowl of dry ingredients. “Maybe draw a Rudolph face or something? Alex and I never really got to do the whole Christmas thing, but I’d try to at least do something… maybe that can be a new tradition.” She dumped the salt and baking soda into the bowl and stared down at it, “thanks for inviting me to do this, by the way.” She looked behind her at the two of them. She had offered, but still. 

Nicole was always thinking- deep and intuitive inner thoughts were almost constantly etched across furrowed brows. Leah loved to reach forward and smooth them out, even if she couldn’t help fill in any gaps that Nicole was missing. She’d fill them in time, Leah would tell her, though she often worried that sentiment might get more depressing than it was comforting. How much time would it take to experience so many years of missed milestones? It would drive Leah crazy, personally. Nicole was stronger than anyone she knew.

She smirked as Andy took the list from her, raising her eyebrows. “I have a motto, Andy! ‘By failing to prepare, you’re preparing to fail!’ Who would I be without my lists? Just a very well-read flaky person, I suppose.” She chuckled at the thought as she mixed the bowl in front of her, fascinated by how the ingredients combined together so seamlessly. In a way, it reminded her of their friendship. Three people who were so different managed to mold together like the sugar, butter, and flour they were forming into dough. It was a science she wasn’t privy to, but wouldn’t dare question.

“I was thinking the same thing!”, Leah replied right after Andy. “Anything can be made Christmassy, we just have to get creative.” And get creative they did. Like authors thinking up whole worlds of characters, the trio managed to think of ways to many even the blandest pastries into delightful Christmas treats.  Nothing they produced felt forced or disingenuous, but then, nothing with the three of them ever felt that way. When they had invited Andy over to help make the treats, Leah had hoped it would be enough to start to save the store- to raise enough money so that they might be able to open again early in the New Year. And sure, the fundraiser was successful- townies were raving about those Rudolf bear claws for weeks. But what Leah hadn’t realized was how much their night together would fix her soul, too. Their time together baking and laughing and reminiscing? She was more grateful for that than any of the money that they raised.

#wickedswriting #w: andy #w: leah #w: what baking can do #w #thank u ci n julie for writing w me

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

This is a post about my list of media to watch/hear in the past/future. I'll put a cut here for the many people who justifably do not care about my list of media.

Guess what, everyone? I have, for the first time in over a year, knocked everything off my “to watch” and “to listen to” lists. Obviously, not everything in the world that I ever want to do. But everything that I’d started. Because I’d keep downloading stuff and starting it and then getting into other stuff and putting it on hold and filling up my working folders with it. Well, I spent the last couple of weeks determinedly avoiding starting anything new, so I could go back and finish the “on hold” things.

I'll put a cut here, just for the sake of the many, many people who justifiably do not give a shit about my list of media.

It was mostly a bunch of episodes of the Comedian’s Comedian podcast, which I enjoyed finally hearing. This podcast episode my brother did nearly a year ago, where he talks for two hours about his experiences in comedy and how he believes no one can “make it” in comedy without succumbing to the pressure to cut all their stuff up into tiny chunks for Tik-Tok and shit. It was fucking bleak. But I also downloaded episodes of that same podcast by a few other local comedians I’ve met, include two by the guys who run the local comedy night where I've performed; I listened to those last week too, and they were less depressing. They’re people who like comedy – that’s all I want, really. People around here who perform comedy and sound like they don’t fucking hate comedy.

So there was that. I finished off a few bits of Stewart Lee bootlegs (many of which are on YouTube, I did not realize until recently how many Stewart Lee bootlegs are on YouTube, that’s obviously a fair thing for me to mention because if he had a problem with bootlegs being out there I’m sure Lee could get them taken off YouTube, I will say that I’ve come to appreciate several of his shows far more after hearing the bootlegged versions than I did from the DVD version). Finished all the Lee and Herring stuff. Watched Taskmaster NZ season 4 (I meant to post about it and then I got busy with work and I don’t even think I did that – cliff notes are I didn’t quite agree with the people I’ve seen say it’s as good as season 2, but I did greatly enjoy it). Lots of little things.

I said months ago that once I finally get caught up on things, I’m going to start a new long audio thing. I made a post at the time listing all the things I was considering. The main candidates were/are: John Robins and Ellis James radio/podcasts, Peacock and Gamble podcast, the Adam and Joe things, Do the Right Thing podcast (see, I’m not exclusively into listening to two white guys talk to each other in a studio), and Pappy’s podcasts (there’s the Flatshare thing, but then there are also other things – look into what these are, then listen). I have also had Three Bean Salad recommended to me pretty hard.

I still don’t know which way I want to go – I’m leaning toward Pappy’s or Peacock and Gamble at this point. But I’ve decided not to make that decision yet, because I do have a couple of new things, but shorter things, that I want to start first.

I have all three seasons of Alan Partridge: From the Oasthouse downloaded, so that’s next on the agenda. A few years ago, I watched/heard all the Alan Partridge TV/radio things in chronological order: On the Hour, The Day Today, Knowing Me Knowing You radio show, Knowing Me Knowing You TV show, I’m Alan Partridge, Alpha Papa, Mid-Morning Matters, This Time. I enjoyed them to varying degrees – my biggest comment is that Mid-Morning Matters surprised me because I thought it would be a weaker thing, just a little internet show, but it ended up being one of the best, I thought, and Tim Key was fucking brilliant in it.

Anyway, I’ve never heard any of the other Alan Partridge things. And I’ve recently been told by a reliable source that this latest one is very very good. The three seasons combined are about 15 hours, so that’ll give me some time to decide what I next want to commit hundreds of hours of my life to.

I’ve also had John Finnemore’s Cabin Fever recommended to me quite a bit, and I’ve downloaded that recently too so I think I’ll do that after Alan Partridge. It’s 13 hours, not too long. I know very little of what to expect from that, but enough people whose tastes otherwise overlap with mine have told me it’s very good to make me interested. Also, I’d love to be a comedy fan who rejects the Oxbridge ilk for very good class solidarity reasons, but actually an annoyingly large number of my favourite comedians have been Footlights members, so I’ll probably love John Finnemore.

Anyway, on the subject of my obsession with listening to two white guys talk to each other in a studio, a bunch of weeks ago now I made a post about hearing the Lee and Herring radio show episodes that were broadcast live from Edinburgh in 1994, and how that was cool, a preservation of a bit of Edinburgh Festival history. And then I said that’s not the first time I’ve heard a radio-based audio diary of Edinburgh, as Russell Howard and Jon Richardson did their radio show from Edinburgh in 2007. And I’m sure there were lots of references there that went over my head at the time but that I would now appreciate as a person with an inexplicable obsession with 00s-era Edinburgh comedy. An audio diary of the Chocolate Milk Gang-era Edinburgh Festival from someone who was, at the time, a CMG member (has definitely squandered his cred since then, but Russell Howard was a fully paid-up member for a time). How have I not already combed through that in my efforts to gather and preserve every bit of information I can about CMG history?

I said I should re-listen to some of those episodes to see what references are in them, and then I didn’t do that, because obviously going through old radio show episodes looking for gossip is a waste of time when I have actual comedy/comedy analysis to listen to. But as I’ve just said, at this moment, I don’t have actual comedy to listen to. I finished all the old stuff and I haven’t started the new stuff yet, and I think I’ll keep it that way for a couple of days. Give my brain a short break from keeping track of everything on my lists before jumping into something new. Going back over old stuff doesn’t require the same focus, as my brain doesn’t obsessively insist that I hear/watch every single bit of it in order and file it in all appropriate places and check it all off on a spreadsheet as I go.

I realize I’m making this hobby that I truly love sound like a chore, and it isn’t that, my brain is just compulsive about always focusing on what’s “on my list”, so it’s nice to occasionally have breaks in the list. You see why I so enjoyed hearing the senselessly compulsive thought patterns of 2007-era Jon Richardson. That was a man who understood a list.

So anyway, I think I’ll do that tonight. It’s a long weekend, which I barely noticed last year when I was working from home anyway but those sure seem like a bigger deal when I have to be out of the house for 9-10 hours on weekdays. I’ve got Thanksgiving dinner with family tonight, and then I think I’ll listen to some old things. I’ll let you all know if I discover anything exciting.

[demi-shoggoth]

Wig Pigs

Welcome, welcome, welcome! I’m glad you decided to stop into Gigi’s place! I know, it can be a big decision for a lot of people to realize that they want to play with their appearance. Some people like to play with it in big ways? And others in small. And, I see what you’ve done already? And I like it. You seem to know what you’re looking for, dear. But, I think that there’s some things that I know? That I can share with you.

Like this!

Here, this is kind of an animal testing facility? But also kind of a petting zoo. Here! Feel this. Nice, isn’t it? This is what I call a Wig Pig! It’s my own invention. Well, my idea. A lot of other people’s fuss and hard work had to go into it. But yeah, it’s an animal that grows wigs for fur, and then you can harvest them safely and have a perfect wig! And then do it all over again! Isn’t that great!

You might want to sit down for this. The chairs are comfy, aren’t they? Only the best for my girls.

Yeah, I said that, didn’t I? Girl. Because I know that’s what you are. Even if other people can’t see it. I’ve been picking up what you’re putting down. And unfortunately, one of the things that you’ve been putting down might just be yourself. Because, like, the world is scary out there? But I want you to know, that here? You’re safe. You’re family. And I want to pick you up.

And, I think you’re ready to learn about how I did this?! Right?

OK, cool.

So, the Wig Pigs started out as ordinary guinea pigs. Do you know why they call test subjects guinea pigs? Specifically? It’s because guinea pigs can’t make Vitamin C, and neither can humans, and so they used to use guinea pigs, and still do, for nutritional studies. Because guinea pigs used to be raised for food, they’re reasonably chill and you can keep a bunch of them, and they breed fast.

So, we have a lot of base materials, the animals, to work from. And what makes them special? Why, so so so much. The main thing is that we’ve altered the genes and regulators that deal with hair growth? And we’ve made them super responsive to environmental factors. Like, all we have to do is change their diet and they start coming out with a new color or texture! If you want to have a rainbow hair mermaid wig, we could totally do that.

But, that’s not the vibe I’m getting from you right now. Someday, though. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not ever.

Any questions so far?

OK, yeah, that’s a good question. No, it doesn’t hurt the Wig Pigs to harvest. We also can turn up how easily the hair falls out, or how hard it’s rooted in place. Just a little extra vitamin B-12 and the secret herbs and spices, and we can lift it right off of them! Just like spinning cotton candy! It’s so gentle some of the Wig Pigs even sleep through it, sweet little things.

And yes, they do come in longer sizes. We keep the short ones where the public can pet them and see how the textures are so nice! But the bigger ones can get tangled if we aren’t careful? So they spend most of their time in the back.

Now. I can tell you’re a little overwhelmed. There’s a lot. Lot, lot, lot of options here. So, I’m gonna give you one, and tell you why I think it would be perfect for you. And you can let me know what you think.

Of course, if this is all too much, you can leave and come back whenever, if ever, you want. No Pressure.

Good, I’m glad you want in on this too. It’s a lot of fun!

So, I think you should go short. I love short hair on you. A cute little pixie cut? Makes me think I want one of those themselves. They’re reasonably stealth, so people who think you’re not a pretty girl? They’ll just kind of glance over it. Not even notice. Especially if you, like, wear a hat? I’m not much one for hats myself, but I know a cute hat when I see one.

Now, the color. See, I love colors. I remember coloring so much as a kid and spending just as much time reading the names on the crayons. Seeing how the different colors actually came out on the paper, and whether or not it was the same on all types of paper. Fiber size, level of bleaching, gloss, all that stuff matters. Little details are little, but do they still matter. It’s all Tiny Worlds out there, dear. From the genes in the Wig Pig to the people in your life.

Anyway, colors. Since I spent so much of my life playing with colors, I have associations between colors and concepts! And I think what you need right now, girl, is some Hope. And I think Hope comes in blue.

I love the color blue. My eyes are blue, you know. At least, in the right light. Sometimes they come off as gray. And I can see that in your eyes too. I like that, it’s like we’re sort of twins? We’re connected at least.

Now, what you need is some really good Hope. And one of the things that makes me feel Hope is the night sky. It makes me feel small, in like a good way? And so, I propose, a short little pixie cut wig, grown from a cute little Wig Pig who is a very dark blue. Something like the night sky. Ultramarine is one of the names for that color. Ultramarine? Such a funny name. It sounds like some kind of space army or something!

Now, one last question.

Scent?

Like, I’m kinda big on perfumes. I don’t know much about the specifics, yet. Gigi’s still figuring out some things too. But Gigi likes to smell nice. And Gigi thinks it’s important to feel pretty in all of the senses. And the Wig Pigs can bake that right in!

I was inspired by Ancient Egypt. They would wear these cones of resin on top of their wigs? Because, yeah, a lot of them wore wigs. You could put them on inside when you wanted to feel awesome and pretty, and then take them off outside. Maybe to hide who you were from people who didn’t deserve to know. Maybe just because they lived in a desert. They didn’t write that part down.

But yeah, cones of resin are sticky and kinda gross. But! Wig Pigs make oils! Just like the hair of any other mammals. And by putting some sugar and spice and everything nice in there, we can make the wig smell, like, so good? And like anything you want. I prefer a more spice-forward scent myself? I really like nutmeg. Like, I could eat a potentially dangerous dose of nutmeg and not notice until I got sick. You can get sick off of nutmeg, did you know that?! Because it causes hallucinations, some people try to get high off of it? But it causes a lot more than just that. Bad stuff. People have died, I think. I'd need to look that up. But. Be careful, and stick to small amounts. Of nutmeg, or of a lot of things, really. Stay grounded.

Okay, enough bummer talk. I don't want to be a buzzkill, and today is about You.

Now, if you want to go no scent, and just be neutral with it? Great. The process to change the oils takes a few days. I have a no-perfume, ultramarine Wig Pig ready to go, so you can do no scent now, or make a new appointment later in the week to come back for a scented version. Yeah, I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of weeks now? As soon as you made the call for the initial consultation in fact…

What’d ya think?!

Oh, this is going to be fun!

#microfiction #lgtbq #trans #trans positivity #mad scientist #be the ms. frizzle you want to see in the world

[odaatlover]

hi! how long did you know you were trans? I think i am, it’s been on my mind for about 7 years now, and me pronouns feel right, (born female) but i also don’t know how to ask people to start changing what they refer to me as? i don’t know if you have any advice for me, or if any of this is too prying/personal but i could use some guidance if you could offer it. :)

Hey there! It’s hard to pinpoint an exact moment when I knew I was trans because it was a lot of different moments - both big and small - that led to my decision to transition. From an early age I wanted to be a boy, literally as long as I can remember. I would make birthday wishes to wake up the next morning as a boy. I would choose boy avatars and video game characters anytime I had the option because it was the only time I got to be one; in a pretend world. But at this age I didn’t realize this meant that I was trans. I thought everyone felt this way and did these things…which I now know is not the case 😂

When I was around 20 I started to question my gender identity. I knew I didn’t feel like a woman, but I didn’t realize that I was a man. I was still stuck in the mentality of what had been engrained in me my entire life - I’m a female, therefore I’m not a man. Also this was 2012 so there wasn’t that much trans representation out there. At least not like there is today.

At 27 years old I started binding. I still had long hair though, but I gradually cut it shorter and shorter over time (every couple months I’d cut it). At that time I started to look into testosterone to become more androgynous looking. I identified as non-binary because I didn’t feel like a woman, nor a man.

And then about 9 months later a month before turning 28, I started testosterone. My voice changed rather quickly. There was a noticeable difference within the first week. My face also started to change too. As all of these changes happened, I became more and more excited. The more people read me as a man, the more I felt seen. I didn’t want to be gendered as a woman or anything that wasn’t a man because it felt wrong and I hated it. This was when I realized I’m not non-binary, I’m a trans man. So about 2 months after starting testosterone I changed my pronouns and started going by a more masculine name - which I have changed legally since then! All of those moments growing up suddenly made sense. The whole reason I didn’t feel like a man before was because I was trying to relate manhood to the experiences of the men I knew - cisgender men. But obviously as someone who is AFAB, my experiences won’t be the same. It took me a long time to figure that out, but the more my body because more masculine and matched who I am on the inside, the more everything clicked. I don’t think I ever would have discovered that if I hadn’t started testosterone.

So that’s my story! As for advice on changing pronouns, just start telling people. That’s what I did. I also posted it on social media so people knew. I don’t have much advice on how to change your pronouns when you are around people who refuse to use them, as I’ve never come across that issue luckily. I’ve only ever worked at places that were accepting and encouraging/supportive of my transition, and all of my family members who weren’t supported I cut ties with…which was basically all of them lol. I realized I deserved to be happy, and chose myself over them. Plus, the thought of having only one life to live and spending it pleasing others at my own expense gave me a ton of anxiety, so cutting off those toxic relations also helped my anxiety tremendously. I haven’t had a single panic attack since!

At this point I’m rambling, but I hope this was at least somewhat the answer you were looking for! Best of luck to you, and remember to just do the things that make you happy, because you deserve that 😊

#asks #gender stuff

[inslo]

I’ve kind of had a realization over the last month or so.  …and it doesn’t necessarily make me feel great.  That realization is…I give up on relationships to easy and despite loving to talk things out I feel like I get into headspace where I lock out my partner. Sorry this is going to be long, but let me explain.

I feel like my first fiancé was an anomaly…with all the verbal abuse I put up with, so I won’t discuss this one.  My second fiancé, Angie, was very easy to love…(mind you it took me 10-years to figure it out)…she was very attractive to me, came from a wonderful family and had a big heart and an amazing personality.  Sure Angie came with some things I didn’t exactly like, but they became minor to the advantages in the prior sentence.  Then there was Bhoomika, who was very very easy to love, incredibly smart, good personality, big heart, wonderful family and I was always learning something from her.  Like Angie, she supported me when I leaned on her in bad times.  (However, with her, our differences were where we wanted to live…1000 miles apart, which ended the relationship.)  Trust me in saying that Bhoomika and Angie were my two best relationships I ever had.

That being said, there was Jenny who I really liked (buy my dad never really liked) but at the time I broke up with her, I made a decision for both of us without consulting her, and that was that I didn’t think that I could support her two kids and have two of my own.  I am aware of what she is up to through friends today and occasionally every year or so I run in to her and maybe chat for 30-minutes or so.  Part of the reason I had made this decision to break up with her was because she was unable to hold down a job longer than a few months. Every time I talk to her she has a completely different job.  Most of the time I spent in a relationship with her (2 years) she was job searching and interviewing.  Another part of my reasoning for making the decision for us was that I felt it was inappropriate to ask her to give up her kids.  She was really struggling at the time, living at her parents house with her two kids.  I wish I would have had an honest conversation with her instead of just cutting it off.  (She’s been with the same guy now for 16 years and they’ll never marry.)  Though this was more than 16-years ago, I think about her a lot

With ‘Madeline’, I again cut it off.  I wish I hadn’t and instead had a conversation.  She had a big heart, was sweet, attractive, and cooked good food. However, I had felt she needed to work on herself and deal with some PTSD she still had from her time in the army. I was also struggling with two other things with her, she would have to give up one of her two dogs if we ever moved in together.  This is because she had one 130lb Anatolian Shepard that was very aggressive.  I would never trust it alone with my 27lb dog, not even with any amount of training.  Secondly, she was kind of a hoarder, but not really…I think she didn’t know how to organize anything.  Her living room had no furniture but did contain piles of stuff which she was embarrassed about. I felt overwhelmed trying to figure out how I could help her with this…because I am a super organized, super clean guy. …What I’ve since learned about dealing with ex-military PTSD people is that I need to give them patience, time  and forgiveness.  Sadly, none of which I gave her.  I think about her a lot and miss her.

Right now I’ve been dating (but not been in a relationship with) someone since last November.  I’m dragging my feet on this one for many reasons. First of all, I’m not attracted to her, but I’m hoping that anything physical that may come of it would come from a strong friendship/relationship.  She does have a big heart, but sometimes I feel like she’s more like a “yes man” and I’ll be honest, there are times when I feel like a need a good slap-in-the-face (i.e. reality check).  She does not know how to cook very well, though most of the stuff she has made has been good.  In my head, if I ever got married, I would want my spouse to do most of the cooking.  I am willing to contribute and willing to help even going as far as cooking 40% of the time.  I’ve grown to like her company a lot, but I’m still struggling with the attractiveness.  She is on prescription weightloss medication (because of her diabetes), which makes her go “#2” about fifteen times a day every day.  I can’t make up my mind how to bring up these issues with her, or even if I should.  

[agentrcmedy]

I have to get something off my chest that happened in my day today, and I can’t share it on my other social media because of mutual friends who would see it. TW: Mentions of my loved one’s passing, Covid, depression, abuse/gaslighting, and a rant that has been two (or twenty-two) years in the making.

So I moved from Louisiana to Florida in 2020 to pursue my dream job. It was the best decision I ever made, and I’m happier here than I’ve ever been. An ex-best friend of mine, someone I’d known and been close with for over 22 years, was pissed off at me for choosing to take the job because it meant I was moving away and decided to ignore me when I tried to make plans with her during the last week I was in town. Mind you, let me put this in perspective: She was married to the love of her life, had a 6 month old baby, had her dream job...I had been laid off of both of my jobs back home, I had no husband or boyfriend to speak of, no children, and I was buried deep in my depression after having lost my grandmother to Covid and being stuck alone in quarantine for several months with no one else in my house.

I needed to get out of that life I was living. I was going nowhere, it was hurting my mental health, and I had to move my life forward and pursue my dreams and finally do something important and life changing for myself. And now, 2 years later, her mother is bashing me on social media all of a sudden, out of the blue, trying to say I “abandoned” her daughter when she needed me the most just because she had a baby. I’m sorry...was I supposed to put my life on hold because my best friend had a 6 month old healthy child and a life of her own?? Was I supposed to tell my hiring manager, “Oh, sorry...I can’t take this dream job I’ve been wanting for almost ten years because my friend wants me to be there in person for her baby for God knows how much longer while my own mental health suffers??”

Utterly ridiculous. I refuse to respond to said post and open up that floodgate for her mother to gaslight me and further try to drag my reputation through the mud because I know she doesn’t deserve any of my attention. My ex-friend would hit me hard thinking it was playful and funny, but whenever I tried to fight back, she would get angry and apparently it wouldn’t be okay anymore. She had a cruel habit of thinking it was hysterical to physically overpower me and tickle me knowing I had been assaulted by a man who started out by overpowering me and tickling me to get control. There was constant manipulation and gaslighting and making me feel like absolute shit and pushing away all of my other friends until there was no one but her. Now that I am on the outside looking in for the last two years, I have realized how horribly toxic and unhealthy that friendship was for me. Even my family members cheered and celebrated when I told them I was no longer friends with her. They hated our friendship because they knew I could do better.

I completely cut off any further contact as of seeing that post today. I’ve grown and matured these past two years, and I refuse to subject myself to any more abuse or mistreatment from people who were supposed to be a part of my support system. I have never bashed anyone involved on social media for everyone we know to see. I kept it private and moved on. But this was my last straw. Friendship and love and support is supposed to be a two way street, and if it isn’t, then goodbye. I have a circle of friends now that is healthy and supportive and trustworthy, and I adore each and every one of them. These girls are my warmth and my light and we have helped each other through our bad days and recognized each other’s triumphs and good days. I am blessed that fate brought us all together. They have literally saved my life more times than I count.

If anyone reads this, thanks for taking the time and I hope this is not triggering to any of you. I’ve been stewing in this today and it has worsened my depression because of my own triggers. I needed to get it out.

#why are you my remedy?; ooc #tw rant #tw depression #tw abuse #tw gaslighting #tw covid #tw death mention #tw personal #tw assault #tw long post

[jovalencia]

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damn go crazy thank you so much abby. this got long so

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

cop out answer but 1. my mom and my sister but like truly I do not think I would be anywhere near the person I am today without them. and when I had nobody (often) I always had them god bless 2. pinterest. just everything about it. it inspired me to join tumblr. It shaped my humor. it taught me to cook. it kept me busy. it raised me more than my father. no joke. 3. I didn’t want to have another person answer but my oldest and dearest friend [readcted] she’s like a year and a half older than me and we grew up three houses down from one another and hung out all the time and I cannot recall a time in my life when I didn’t look up to her. she was always such an inspiration to be the most confident and real version of myself. I don’t see her as much anymore bc college but to this day when I’m worried I said something horrible I always ask myself “what would [redacted] think if she heard I said that?” And it’s not even like I’m putting her up on a pedestal she really is just one of the most amazing human beings I’ve ever met in my life

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

HUSTLERS 2019 ocean’s 8 and the goonies 

what made you start your blog?

I was really into skam and pinterest wasn’t cutting it anymore so I started lurking then actually liking posts then reblogging then posting and. here we are.

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

best part is all the people I’ve met and the friends I’ve made I love you all so sincerely sometimes it feels as if my heart could explode. worst is having to block twenty million tags and phrases to avoid t*ylor sw*ft and h*rry styles. and having to see the most abysmal takes known to man from my own MUTAULS no less. love y’all regardless it’s okay when you do it

what scares you the most and why?

well. first of all getting shots because holy shit keep needles out of my body. and a more philosophical answer is being a bad person without even realizing it

would you say you’re an emotional person?

oh my god yeah. I used to consider myself a logical person in like middle school and I look back at that and I’m like what the hell were you talking about. I make every decision with my heart and honestly like half the time I feel like my emotions are so big they could explode out of my body. lol.

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

aliens yes absolutely. they’re out there and they’re so real. they are the teeniest tiniest bacteria ever and little green men and beings as big as the moon i truly to believe that. ghosts? no unless I get literally thrown across a room.

what do you do when you’re sad?

take a shower listening to my silly little music. never fails. also helps to put on a fancy dress. idk.

any pet peeves?

girl where do I even start. obviously slow walkers I’m a fast bitch. chewing with your mouth open. pronouncing frustrating as “fustrating” men speaking in philosophy class. people looking at my phone over my shoulder. people not using their sleeves to open doors (this one is actually ridiculous but you don’t know who touched that fucking door handle what is wrong with you). saying jokes I literally saw online and claiming them as your own who do you think you’re fooling. off pitch singing just do not fucking sing #chiorkid. coughing into your hand like I bet you went and touched a door handle afterwards huh. when people pull out their phone (without a reason) when you’re in the middle of talking to them like okay. condescension. I could go on but I’ll stop.

hopefully I didn’t take any and this took a lot of time so sorry but I had fun so thank you again!!!

#mwah mwah mwah #abby💌