#i really do not want to be near there right now and so i’m feeling very uhm ... panicky rn

[urhoneycombwitch]

plan b

___

foreword: thank you to this anon, this was just the right amount of sitcom Spider-man pointing meme-ery that I needed. wrote this with husky!neighbor!Eddie since I thiiiink I’ve established that version of him is modern so hopefully this aligns with my made-up canon. lol.

wc: 1.9k

cw: weight mention (in the context of finding meds, no numbers used), embarrassment on R’s end of kink discussion, frenemies vibes between R and Eddie (they get under each other’s skin but in a hot way <3), Eddie is soft-domming in public, no actual smut but still +18 mdni

DISCLAIMER: Plan B can really fuck your shit up and shouldn’t necessarily be used when introducing new kinks. Please do your research and consult w/ a medical professional before using. Putting the fiction in fic with this one.

_____

Christ, there are too many options.

Your vision is swimming in the Family Planning aisle, fluorescent overheads of the CVS taking up residence in your left temple.

You press your fingertips against the spot, massaging gently as you pull different brands of boxes from the shelf to inspect the instructions.

This one says take within twenty-four hours, that might be- oh, shit, there’s a weight cap. Dammit. And this one’s… twice the price? For fucking why?

Frustrated, you shove the expensive thing back in place. The words on the blue label next in line catches your eye- Pre-Seed Fertility Lubricant- and you snap your hand away, as if scorched. Nope. Opposite of what you need. Christ. Pre-Seed?!

It’s almost giggle-worthy. You take out your phone, glancing up and down the aisle; the store is empty this late at night, just an older woman behind the front registers who had greeted you earlier with bored corporate formality, eyes fixed on her magazine.

Picture of Pre-Seed, taken. Check that one off the list. The only person who you’d want to share a laugh over text about this with is the one person who does not need to know why you’re in the goddamn Family Planning aisle at ten PM. On a Thursday.

At least, not yet. You lock your phone, pocketing it before zeroing in on the purple and green-themed Plan B that boasts One Tablet, One Step.

Although it’s pricier than some of the other morning-after pills, it’s the only one that you feel fully confident about buying. You give the box a little toss, feeling the next-to-nothing weight of it in your palm. Fifty bucks for a tiny pill, one that you may not even end up using- but you’ll be goddamned if you’re caught unprepared.

“Can I help you find anything?”

Your blood flashes cold, then hot, as you realize who the voice belongs to- attention focused elsewhere, you didn’t hear Eddie sidling up the aisle until now.

He’s leaning into his arm on the nearest shelf, grinning wolfishly at his own joke, chocolate eyes lit up at having found you here. He looks obscene- biceps and chest bulging at the stretched fabric of his t-shirt, hair unspooling dark curls from a low bun, black ink tattoos rippling over his bare forearms and peeking out from beneath his collar.

Honestly, you don’t know why he wasn’t stopped at the door by the woman on night shift. He’s bordering public indecency with those fitted Levi’s alone.

Fortunately the shock of hearing Eddie’s low voice is not enough to send the Plan B in your hand flying- too late to reshelve it without him seeing, you cling to it tighter, plastic creaking under your grip as you pray to every god ever that he doesn’t notice.

“Oh! Hey. Hi. Haha, very funny.” Well, that was smooth, but at least you said something comprehensible. “What’re you doing here?”

Eddie doesn’t seem to notice anything amiss, using his free arm to reach for a pack of condoms near your head- “Late night shopping. Stocking up for the weekend. Can’t seem to keep these around, seeing as I’m being fucked out of house and home.”

”Well… apartment,” you correct, heart leaping at the smile lines that jump around Eddie’s eyes. This is good, maybe you can just keep him talking and find a second to shove the Plan B into a random spot or perhaps launch it into the sun-

Nope, too late. Mid-crinkle, Eddie’s eyes drop to the package in your hand, and you watch his face drop as he processes multiple trains of thought at once.

“Oh, shit. Is that… did we…?”

There’s a pinch between his dark brows, likely running through the last few weeks of your hookups (which have all been protected) and trying to do the mental math; you shake your head, trying to stammer through the flush of embarrassment that’s overtaking your system.

“No, it’s not- not from us. Not from you. I mean…” you trail off, shifting uncomfortably from one sneaker to the other as words hit a jam in your throat.

Eddie’s in a full frown now, pushing off the shelf, standing to his full height, confusion and hurt seeping into his expression, voice quiet and pitched deep- “Is it from someone else?”

“Oh my god.” This was a nightmare, right? You’d like to wake up now. “No, no, not from anyone else. It’s-”

A sharp exhale, a shake of your head, and the words loosen all at once- “I was gonna get it for us, for me, for this weekend, if you wanted to give me a reason to use it.”

Eddie goes as still as you’ve ever seen him before, fingers stopped in their usual constant tapping, blinking at the box in your hands.

His face smooths.

Then he smiles.

Your stomach flips.

Eddie slides the condoms back into the wrong spot, not bothering to look as he leans in close enough for you to smell the spice of his cologne as he says in a sex-dipped timbre: “Well if you wanted me to fill you up with my cum, why didn’t you just say so?”

A horrified, awkward squawk escapes before you can bite it back; your head whips down the aisle to make sure no one else was within earshot of his dirty mouth as you blindly shove the Plan B away, deep into a shelf. “Oh my god. Jesus christ.”

”Eddie is just fine,” he responds mildly, the cool demeanor to your rapidly heating one as his grin simmers wicked between dimpled cheeks.

“Forget it,” you start, shaking your head and making to brush past, embarrassment flooding in hot, “Just forget-”

Eddie catches you by the elbow, effectively locking you in place with a single move, but he’s not looking at you; with his free hand, he snaps up the slightly crumpled box and scans the words.

“Y’think one will be enough?”

The flood subsides, gives you pause enough to stutter out, “W-what?”

Eddie’s fingers flex on your arm. He turns the box over in his big hand, rings glinting. “We’d better get two. Just in case.”

Your skin feels the impression of his palm even after he lets go, like a Polaroid in rapid reverse as he grabs a second box, warmth fading fast from your skin. “I don’t think- I mean, that’s not how they work, I should probably find a more permanent sol-”

“Just for the weekend.” His eyes are back on you now, self-satisfied smirk giving way to something darker, more intense. “Yeah?”

A shiver casts goosebumps down the length of your body. He’s goddamn toying with you, in the middle of a fucking CVS. Despite your flare of irritation, you nod, voice nearly a croak as you echo, “Yeah.”

The grin lights up his face again. “Good girl.”

Eddie doesn’t give you time to react to this (verbally, anyways- your cunt is most certainly responding to the praise despite your best efforts to remain unaffected), using one large hand to hold both boxes and another to press at the small of your back, leading you down the aisle.

Truthfully, you’re grateful for the help (regardless of his dominance-based tendencies that don’t usually get you this easy); based on the ringing in your ears, you’re doubtful of your own ability to navigate the maze of aisles.

Eddie walks you both to the front register, and you watch as if outside of your own body while the cashier scans the barcodes and Eddie swipes his card.

He pockets the receipt, slides a finger through the handles of the plastic bag, and holds it out between your bodies. Right in front of the goddamn cashier.

”For you.”

This brings you back to yourself, a bit, mortification giving way to annoyance (a much more useful emotion in this scenario), and you snatch it to your chest. It’s your turn to grab Eddie’s elbow, half-dragging him towards the exit.

“Come again soon,” the cashier calls, still in monotone.

So close. You’re less than a yard away from the sliding glass doors that would have swallowed Eddie’s reply- but as it stands, he gets in one last cheerful wave, an award-winning, dimple-charmed smile to match his bright response.

“She will!”

Damn him. You give a final tug and you’re both out in the parking lot, glass doors closing automatically with a whoosh behind you, cool night air kissing at your cheeks.

”Seriously?” You’re mature enough to recognize that your anger is misplaced, adrenaline-fueled, but that doesn’t stop you from whirling on Eddie, giving his shoulder a sharp shove that (unfortunately, tantalizingly) doesn’t move him an inch. “I can never return to this fucking store. Thanks for that.”

Eddie really doesn’t help his case, grin turned shit-eating as he rustles through his various pockets for his pack of cigarettes- “Careful, sweetheart- you know how hot and bothered I get when you’re mad.”

”Unbelievable.” You turn on a swift heel, slipping the bag loops up your arm to dig for your keys. “You just got me blacklisted from our local drugstore and you don’t even care.”

There’s the snick of a lighter behind you, while your car a few spaces down chirrups and blinks in response to the furious press of your fob’s unlock button.

Eddie chuckles, sardonic and unsympathetic. “Too bad this is the only CVS in the whole world. I think you’ll live, princess.”

Ignoring this, you stomp towards your car, petulant, bag rustling; the door is half-open when Eddie calls, “So, are you coming over tonight, or what?”

“Obviously!”

The door slams with more force than you intend, sound ricocheting across the lot.

From the respite of your tinted windows, you watch as a streetlamp-haloed Eddie takes a drag from a cigarette, smoke drifting thick around a hazy visage of the hottest man alive. (Maybe you’re a touch biased. But your opinion is based on personal accounts, so fuck the naysayers.)

He tips his head back to look at the stars, pale column of throat illuminated- with a flush of realization, you scoff. He’s putting on a show for you.

Two can play, you think, driving your seatbelt into place with a click. But first I’m gonna have to make a stop at home. Namely for new undies.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #husky!neighbor!Eddie #husky!neighbor!eddie x reader #eddie x reader

[literaila]

When do you think in the family au that Gojo realized he was in love?

I live for your au btw, I’m patient and respectful, you should never feel pressured to update or post!!! But also I literally check every day to see if you graced us with more 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

satoru is sitting on the love seat in the common room, pouting.

okay, sure. he’s known for his ability to talk until the sun goes down, but honestly, he’s not that bad. really, he could talk forever, about whatever he wanted, to anyone.

but he was only explaining the mechanics of infinity. for… a half an hour, maybe.

his friends suck.

what could be more interesting than him? nanami’s recipe for onigiri?

still, when you walk over to him, flopping into the space next to him—which is occupying his foot, thank you—he brightens just a little bit.

is it so bad to want attention?

“you know,” you start, while satoru tries to dig his foot from under you. “if you actually listen to people when they talk, they’re usually more inclined to listen to you.”

“oh, is that how it works?” satoru grunts. “i had no idea.”

“clearly.”

“you listen to me, even though i’ve barely ever spoken to you.”

you raise a brow at him. “do you have amnesia? you sit outside my door on the weekends for hours until i let you in. i’ve heard you singing to yourself out there.”

“that’s not a conversation.”

you nudge him, a lax smile on your face. “being interesting also helps, if you want people to listen to you.”

“hey, i’m interesting!”

“mm…” you nod your head, looking away subtly. “for sure, satoru.”

“you’re supposed to be my friend, you know? friends don’t bully each other.”

you look back at him, tilting your head. “that must be why you don’t have any.”

at that, satoru’s lip twitches a little. but it’s not because he finds you amusing, no. it’s just that… sometimes you look at him and he—

it doesn’t matter.

“did you come over here just to torment me?” he pouts, arms still crossed. but his eyes are much more active now, his face trying to be a sly thing that it isn’t.

“no, you just looked a little lonely.”

“awww,” satoru leans down so you can see his eyelashes fluttering at you. “were you worried about me?”

“i could just already hear the complaining,” you retort, rolling your eyes again.

“are you psychic, too?”

“yup,” you pop, grabbing something from behind your back. “which is why i also brought you this.”

you hand him a blueberry ramune, which just so happens to be his favorite.

satoru gasps like a child being given their favorite toy, taking it from you immediately. he opens it, and then pauses. “wait… what’d you do to this?”

you scoff. “geez, satoru. do you get poisoned often?”

“i have many enemies.”

“oh, right. i forgot. you’re well hated.”

satoru smirks, leaning almost over you. “not by you, though. you like me.”

you push him away with a finger. “you just looked pale. like, even more pale than usual.”

“that’s rude.”

“drink up,” you tell him, but only as you try to grab it from him. satoru relishes the feeling of you leaning over him. “we wouldn’t want you to go thirsty,” you say, but with a sickly sweetness.

“this is not making me feel any less threatened.”

you laugh, sitting back.

“you even got my favorite one, too.”

“that’s just a coincidence. though, you would like the worst flavor.”

“this is nearing harassment,” satoru says. “if you’re stalking me, i’m going to have to tell yaga.”

this time when you laugh, you snort, and you lean over again, but only to clutch your stomach.

satoru smiles along with you, and he feels… almost alive. more than a vessel of power, for just a moment.

and yeah, maybe it’s not just attention that satoru likes.

maybe it’s you.

#satoru gojo x reader #gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #satoru x reader #satoru x you #satoru gojo x you #satoru gojo x y/n #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #a typical family

[robiinurheart33]

I’m SUCH a sucker for drunk calls/texts confessing their love and y’all know I gotta project it onto ghoap (buckle up guys its a long one I had to break it into two parts SORRY) pt. 2

Soap’s blood is pumping. He can feel it heat up in his cheeks in the form of a blush, giggles bubbling up in his throat and his mind loose enough to just sew together a semblance of a bad idea.

Deployment had been boring at first. Stuck at home with unending nervous energy, fingers twitching and aching for the solid feel of a gun, the rough texture of his vest, the adrenaline clapping him on the shoulder before shooting through his veins like a drug. It was so unendingly dull. It’s not like he had anyone waiting for him at his apartment in Glasgow, and their break time was too short to visit his Ma.

So why not invite a few buddies out to drink? No harm, no foul.

Well, that’s what he initially thought. A couple hours later of wheezing and pounding of the table, shoes sticking to the ground and the smell of booze wafting though the air, Soap could confidently say that he was wasted. He’s leaning heavily on his buddy, chum, pal, that he for the life of him cannot remember right now. He’s swaying from side to side, feeling unusually breathless as he mumbles what could be the song that’s playing right now. He’s not sure. He combs his fingers through his hair, scratching a bit anxiously at the nape of his neck. Soap’s not sure if he wants to cry or laugh or vomit right about now. Pretty sure that’s a sign to fuck off, pass out on his bed and deal with the rest tomorrow.

Soap pushes off his… friend? Wait, did he even come with him? And heads towards the general direction where the toilet is. Might as well not look like a homeless person before heading home, wouldn’t wanna scare anyone. His head is spinning, pounding, loud, loud, loud, and nowhere near done with its madness. Soap slams his hand on the wall beside the toilet door, squinting and hoping the door he’s reaching for is the actual door, not it’s double. He does, in fact, get the right door (small miracles), and pushes it open.

He fumbles with his zipper and exhales heavily as he relieves himself. The man beside him in the toilet exits with a sniffle and stumbles out, the music getting louder for a second before the door closes again. Soap leans heavily against the sink counter and washes his hands, placing his fingers together and splashing water onto his face. Soap drags his hands down before greyish-blue eyes look back at him with a piercing stare. He blinks, and re-evaluates again. His hair is flopping to one side, weighed down by sweat. His face is flushed and his skin glows slightly with a thin sheen of sweat, his freckles just shy of being seen under his rosy cheeks, eyebags evident through the haze. He looks down and- oh. It appears his attempt at splashing his face with water wasn’t as successful as he’d hoped, half of his shirt drenched in water. Soap tugs loosely at the corner of his sleeves, releasing the bundled up fabric at his pits. He frowns in discomfort as the sticky heat of his arms lay back down against his skin. He sighs once more, not really feeling like his lungs are filling with oxygen, turning around and laying his hip against the counter lazily before pulling out his phone. 0237. He swipes down on his home screen and pouts at the “no new notifications” tab. He unlocks his phone and swipes through his contacts, unsure of who to drunk text at this hour. Gaz is probably asleep by now, if anyone has a spotless sleeping schedule, it’d be him. Price would have his head on a platter if he texted him about anything non-military business. Laswell, no. Ghost?

Huh.

Ghost…could be someone he could text. Soap isn’t quite sure if he would be awake right now. Do ghosts even need sleep? He huffs at his little comment, tapping on their chat together. Do they have the kind of relationship where soap can dramatically drunk text Ghost at 2am right now? Soap lets out a little bemused huff when he sees that he reached a dead end to their chat after one swipe of his thumb. Of course. Right bastard doesn’t text anyone. He tilts his head up to meet the flickering white light of the bathroom ceiling, watching water damage and mold streak across the concrete. Ghost… how is he during deployment? Does he still wear that mask around the relative safety of his own apartment? Does he have any hobbies? Does he go to the gym as well? Does he long to be back on base? Does he long to be back in the chaos of the war zone, alongside soap? Does he think of soap? Does he ever think to- before Soap knows what he’s even doing, his fingers clumsily type out a greeting.

Hwlli

That’s not quite right.

Gellp

Nope.

Hellu

Oh my god.

Hello

There we go! Soap smiles giddily at his screen, bringing it closer to his face before very carefully writing a much more sophisticated and brilliant follow up.

U up?

He’s the smartest person in the entire world. He supposes a part of himself preens at the thought of even just being able to text someone like Ghost. Big, bad, Ghost. He decidedly does not giggle like a schoolgirl. Just as his mind starts to wander back to the world outside the sickly bathroom, his phone vibrates, and looks down in confusion.

Drunk?

Soap frowns.

Who

You.

Wanna try anf gues, Lt?

You are drunk.

He says it like it’s a fact, like he knows everything. It annoys Soap, much more than it should. He supposes that it could maybe be something to do with the massive amounts of alcohol thrumming through his bloodstream at the moment, but he knows for a fact that it slices through his brain, presses against his throat and contracts his chest.

Yiu think so?

I know so.

Soap thinks Ghost is being a real dick right now.

Ittle know iy all

You’re drunk, Johnny. What do you want me to do about it?

Johnny. Johnny. Johnny. His head spins. If he closes his eyes and imagines hard enough, he can hear the raspy gravel of Ghost’s solid, thick British accent murmuring commanders into his ear. Speaking of noises, his brain starts to register more of the music from outside, the start of a song that Soap can vaguely remember, but he can’t quite put his finger on it right now. The electric guitar, drums and bass all purr in his subconciousness, his lips parting over the words, moving silently as he tries to pinpoint exactly where in the song he is right now. There’s this tune… think of you.. repeat, until I fall asleep, spilling drinks on my settee…do I wanna know? Soap whispers, his mind curling and his ribs creaking. He feels like he’s truly, deeply losing it now, fingers slowly loosening over his phone. His head feels too big and his cheeks are burning, his shirt too tight against his chest and arms and his toes too restricted under his shoes. Everything was funny and everything was too bright and shiny and yearning and blurring and he wishes Ghost was here and he wishes everything was different and he wishes life could just be a little bit easier and-

His phone is vibrating.

Crawling back to you.

#lowkey haven’t even started on the send part #dw guys I write fast when inspo hits #I got a busy day tmr so second part may come in like two or theee days? #me staring at the 150 yes on the poll I made #y’all this better get 150 notes /j #stay safe out there guys #hope y’all like this one 🙏🙏 #I really think I cooked #robs ramblings #call of duty #john soap mactavish #ghoap #simon ghost riley #ghostsoap

[desire-mona]

realising none of u have seen my writing before which is. a good thing probably. anyway i thrive best in letter writing format so here's a letter todd wrote to neil after he took a gun induced nap

(obvious tw for death and suicide and general grief adjacent feelings)

-

December 20th, 1959

Neil,

I’ve tried to write this about 7 separate times now, but I feel like I can never get the right combination of words to properly describe how I’m feeling. I don't really know why I’m writing this in the first place, I know you won't be able to read it. I guess I don't need a reason. I don't think I’ll be able to get it right no matter how many times I try, so forgive me if this doesn't make sense.

It's been about 5 days since you killed yourself passed and I still can't confidently say that it feels real. Mr. Keating got fired, Charlie got expelled, Cameron was behind all of it, and I can’t even bring myself to hate him for it. I'm angry, obviously, I’ve never been more furious with anyone in my life, but something in me knows that you wouldn't have hated him either. Things like that have been running through my mind a lot, I find myself operating under what I think you would’ve done, or at least wanted me to do. I hope I’m getting it right. I yelled at Cameron after he ratted us out, and it wasn't like those times before, nobody expected it of me. I like to think you would’ve been proud of me for that.

It's really quiet without you here, in ways that I didn't think I’d notice. You were never all that loud, which I appreciated, but even the small things being gone make me feel like I'm going insane. It's hard getting to sleep without hearing your breathing from across the room. Is that creepy? Sorry. Sometimes I open the window just so I can hear anything but silence. I usually just end up wondering how people can go about their days when someone so important is dead. How are people laughing and enjoying themselves when it feels like my entire world came to a screeching halt? How dare they continue with their lives without even acknowledging how much has changed? That’s about when I close the window, our the room starts to get cold after a while.

I'm trying to stay that more confident version of myself that you were helping me become, I could tell you liked a more outgoing Todd. I think he was buried with you, and I’m not sure when I’ll be able to dig him back up. I hope that’s okay, I know how patient you were with me. Thank you for that by the way, you were the first person to give me the time of day when it came to that. It was really special, I wish I had the chance to tell you. There are a lot of things I wish I had the chance to tell you, you were the only person I ever wanted to say things like that to. I'm really sorry that I never did, I realize now that it probably would’ve done you some good to hear it. God only knows how little kindness your father gave you, if I had known how bad it was then I would’ve you deserved better than that. You deserved a lot more than what the world gave you, I think we all do. No amount of sorry’s can fix that.

I miss being near you.

I miss you.

I miss having you around. I’d forgive you if you came back and told us it was all a joke. I wouldn’t be mad at all, I promise.

- Todd Anderson

#desire mona #ugh idk how i feel abt this sorry #is it even in character? #whatever #dead poets society #todd anderson #neil perry #anderperry #writin

[crybabylulu]

Short skirt (sugar mama Lin Beifong x sugar baby reader)

Minors just go away 🤣

Lin takes her favorite girl shopping and things get a little spicy when they get home. Also special guest Asami and Korra are here 💖 (I’m tempted to do an Asami cosplay I feel like 1. Id look hot asf and 2. My bf would be drooling)

“This is the eighth store love.” Lin said with a sigh. “I'm not leaving till I find a short skirt in my size.” I said. “Do you really need it?” Lin asked. I turned away from the rack and looked at Lin. “Summer is starting and I’m not gonna just wear shorts and dresses all summer. I need more in my closet.” I told her. “You mean my closet.” Lin said. I glared at her while she smirked. “You know I can always go back to my old apartment building.” I said and stuck out my tongue. Lin gently grabbed my face and squeezed my cheeks. “That’s not our arrangement.” Lin said.

I shrugged. I’m chief Beifong’s sugar baby and we agreed that I live with her, go on dates, help her keep the house clean, make lunch for her and of course have sex with her. I can’t complain because I get shopping trips and anything else I want. I get shown off as if I’m her girlfriend but I’m not. I’m just her sugar baby nothing more nothing less but I won’t lie I enjoy my time with Lin a lot. Lin let go of my face and I went back to looking for skirts. I felt like I was looking for hours. I mean I have been but now I’m just over it! I’ve been finding a lot of other cute things that I of course I picked up but still not what I’m looking for.

I’m gonna lose my mind. “Come here.” Lin said and dragged me over to a table. I looked at the table and they were full of skirts. I scanned the skirts and picked up a few. Lin grabbed a black one and handed it to me, I took it from her. Reading the tag it said it was mine and I pulled at it to see if it stretched and it did but not by a lot but more than enough for me. I let Lin hold it for me while I grabbed a few more in different styles. When I was done we made our way to the register. Lin paid for everything of course and we definitely don’t need to talk about how much money was spent.

As we made our way out the store I saw Asami and Korra. Korra was holding a lot of bags. I assume they are on a shopping trip like us. “Asami!” I called. Asami turned her head to my direction and she smiled real big. “Hey!” She shouted. We ran to each other and hugged. “I’m glad I caught you, I’m having a party next week. You guys have to be there.” Asami said with a big smile on her face. “Of course we’ll be there.” I told her. Asami and I continued to talk some more. “I see you got sucked into a shopping trip as well.” I heard Korra say to Lin. Lin just huffed. “The things we do for love.” Korra said.

Asami laughed at Korra’s comment. “You know I love you very much.” Asami told Korra then gave her a kiss. I felt a slight twinge in my heart. Korra and Asami love each other more than anything and everything they do is out of love and yes I’m jealous. I can’t help it. “We should go to lunch.” Asami said and grabbed my hand. “We should.” I agreed. “I know that’s not a badger mole stuffed animal hanging out your bag.” Korra teased. “Oh hush leave me be.” I said. “Aww that’s so cute, I need to find a polar bear dog stuffed animal.” Asami said. “You should! It would be so cute for you to have.” I said.

Asami looked at Korra. “It’ll be our baby.” Asami laughed. I gasped and looked at Lin. “No.” Lin said. “Yes, this badger mole is our baby and we have to figure out a name for her.” I told Lin. Lin sighed. “What restaurant are we eating at? I'm starving over here.” Korra told us. “Oh right umm where do you guys wanna go?” I asked. “We’re going to the noodle shop near my job.” Lin said and grabbed my hand to drag me away. “See you guys there!” I called as Lin dragged me away. Once the bags were put in the backseat we got into the car and I sat in the passenger seat.

“Thank you for taking me shopping.” I said sweetly then kissed her cheek. “You’re welcome hon.” Lin told me as she started up her car. As Lin drove she kept her hand on my thigh, sometimes she drew little circles or just rubbed my thigh. She gave me butterflies and I loved it. Every touch made my heart melt. I kept stealing glances at Lin. “What is it love?” She asked me. “Nothing, just looking at your beautiful face.” I said. She just smiled. She’s just so hot. I looked away because I could feel myself getting horny. I don’t know what it is about this woman but she drives me crazy.

Lin parked outside the shop then got out of the car, I unbuckled myself while she walked over to my side. She opened the door for me and helped me out. “Thank you baby.” I said. Lin nodded and held my hand. We entered the little shop and saw Korra and Asami waiting at a table. “I’m surprised we beat you guys here.” Asami said. “You know Lin has to drive the speed limit.” I teased. “Maybe you need to start driving.” Korra said. “I’m a passenger princess, I don't drive.” I said. “I’ll teach you.” Korra said. “Absolutely not.” Lin said sternly.

“Oh come on, Lin , I'm an excellent driver.” Korra said. “You drive eighty miles per hour.” Lin said. “I’ll teach you.” Asami said. “You ran over Mako.” Lin said. “I apologized.” Asami said. I laughed. “Then you teach her.” Korra said. “I’m too busy.” Lin said. “I feel like she’d yell at me a lot.” I said. “Oh yeah she definitely will.” Korra said. “Did you figure out a name for your baby?” Asami asked. “No, what do you think I should name her?” I asked. “Name her noodle.” Korra suggested. “No name her tea.” Asami said. I gasped. “I got it! Her name is Detective Tofu Noodle.” I said.

“I love that.” Asami gushed. “Detective?” Lin asked. “Do you have a problem?” I asked. “I’m just confused on how your little badger mole became a detective.” Lin said. “She’s our daughter and she just wants to be like her big brother Mako.” I said. “Stop saying Mako is my son.” Lin sighed. “Ok but he’s called you mom like three times and you didn’t get upset.” Korra said. “Exactly.” I said. Lin rolled her eyes. When it came time to order I let Lin order for me. She knows what I like and I just like her taking control like this.

After our lunch double date we went home and I decided to try on the black skirt Lin picked out. I slipped it on and it fit perfectly. “Wow.” I said. I went out to the living room to show Lin. “Baby look,” I stood in front of her. “You look good.” Lin told me as she looked me up and down. “I’m gonna go try on the others.” I said as I turned around and walked back to the room. Before I could grab another skirt I felt a hand grab my ass. “Lin.” I gasped. “Take these off.” Lin said as she reached under my skirt and started to pull down my underwear. I helped her take off my panties.

I reached to take off my skirt but Lin stopped me. “No, keep that on.” She told me. I raised a brow. “On the bed, ass up.” Lin commanded. I did as told and as soon as I got into position I felt my skirt go up and then a harsh slap on my ass. I let out a loud moan. “Spread your legs some more.” Lin told me. Once my legs were spreaded more Lin’s tongue swiped at my folds. “Mmm baby.” I let out a soft moan. As she ate me out she spanked me. “Oh fuck Lin.” I whined out.

#sugar mama lin beifong #chief of police lin beifong #lin is fine asf #tlok lin #lin beifong x reader #legend of korra #asami sato #korrasami #korra x asami

[krash-8]

something something i am terribly sad for my age and i think it might be a little in my head, or uncalled for, or my hand on my friends pantry doorknob as she tells me i can eat whatever i want because we’re at her house now (which warms me inside more than i want to tell her, and that fact is starting to burn) or cookie dough i made for the first time in the middle of the night because it’s easy and people like it and it’s a way to say i love you without actually telling. im glad i know my way around a kitchen but im not too sure when i learned. i’m pretty good so long as i don’t leave the stove on; i’m forgetful when it matters but i remember when it counts. i’m not too sure when i learned.

i want to cook for you, and i want you to like it, and i want my head to stay calm when i think of my body and how I could be spending this time to fix my grades and I need to do better at a lot, and most of all i want to cook for you and i want you to like it and i want so hard to believe my kitchen is any kitchen where i open the pantry and feel like that’s fine. i want to feel like that's fine.

don’t you wish milk was cheaper, and eggs, and the water bill and the price of gas so we can leave? don’t you wish it was easier for a kid who isn’t quite right to get a job around here? don’t you wish the job could pay for any of that at all, or at least be something worth my time? i think I'd like to be somewhere near you for at least forever. I wish I was always sure you loved me back and I was able to manage to drop eggs one way or another without the end of the world. i can make myself useful and bring you something I worked on to prove i love you, and I promise I'm trying, I'm not sure for what, but I know I really really want to stick around so please please let me, and do you still mean the thing you said about me being able to eat from your pantry? when do you want me home? I love you, so I can make us something nice.

#food as a metaphor for love and the absence of it. basically. #yayyy poetry (I am so sad today) #krash poem #krash poems #(forget which tag i use 😭 #poets on tumblr #poems on tumblr #spilled poetry #spilled thoughts #tw eating issues #tw abandonment #abandonment issues #yayyy #im having a day #this poem has so many different meanings just btw #kinda proud of that ??? ig??? yeah I'll let myself be proud of that #not just what I tagged also

[mercuriians]

my paradise

jjk,, k. nanami x fem! reader

content info — short drabble, angst horribly and lazily disguised as fluff. <3 this fic was borne out of my own anguish upon witnessing certain spoilers. (gege hates us all)

author’s note — sorry for being mia. you guys all know how life can be. luckily i’m on break so i’ll do my best to send out at least one finished request 🙂‍↕️ i’ll fix this post’s format later, for now i hope you guys enjoy my first attempt at writing jjk.

"do you think heaven exists?"

you utter your question so softly, so innocently, in a timid whisper that seems like it barely even leaves your lips in the first place. the moonlight seeping from the window is dim, just enough to surround the room in a bleak, lazy kind of aura. nanami's just about ready to drift away into slumber—where it's dreamless and monotonous, and he simply just exists—but somehow there's a feeling that tugs at him. telling him that he should turn his body to face you, to see whether there's childlike curiosity within your eyes or quiet desolation.

so that's what he does. twisting around in the ivory bedsheets, he examines your expression with an air of diligence that probably shouldn't even be possible in the near-midnight hour. nanami ends up being a bit surprised. somehow you look calm. tranquil. like there's nothing else in the world worth focusing on but him.

but he still treads carefully, cautiously. "why do you ask, love?" nanami's voice is a bit hoarse, a little rusty from the lengthy time he's been silent.

perceptively, he sees the column of your throat move slightly as you swallow. "while i was on break earlier today, yuji asked me something," you admit. "he wanted to know how he could, in his words, 'give people a proper death' when the time came. and i guess that made me think about where we even go when we finally depart from this world. where our souls go to rest."

there's a small, intimate pause as nanami waits for you to continue.

"when we were kids, we were always told that there's a place for the good people and for the bad. obviously it's comforting to let yourself believe that it's all really that black-and-white, but i don't know." your voice trails off again. nanami doesn't know how much time passes when he sees your eyes become clouded over, like you're focused on something faraway. something distant, maybe something that wasn’t even there to begin with. "would there be some sort of paradise waiting for us when we die? would we even deserve that, kento?” you whisper.

he holds his breath.

it was exceedingly rare for you to succumb to such sentimentality. you were almost always driven with diligence, fueled by the need to stick to your schedule of early mornings, midday coffee breaks, and late shifts. in a world where curses ruthlessly threatened to enforce a strict hierarchy of chaos, he recognized the all-too-significant desire to at least maintain a reliable form of organization. especially considering the fact that you were both first-grade sorcerers. some of the very best.

but now, nanami's realizing that maybe, maybe the reason why you were always so vigilant is because there was no other option. there was no time to wallow in self-pity, to question why you both had to live in such a merciless society, to scream out in frustration and curse out every single damn thing in existence and wish that things had been at least a little bit easier.

either you accepted the cards you were dealt with, or you opted out of the game permanently.

nanami quickly wonders what that means for himself. but he shakes off the thought, shakes off the negativity that crept up on him for a split-second with the expertise that he's collected and honed over the years.

right now, his only objective revolved around you.

gently, he reaches out, touching your face with the calloused tips of his fingers. for a moment, he traces the smoothness of your skin, like a paintbrush to a canvas, before moving a loose strand of hair behind your ear. the way you look up at him with eyes just short of being teary makes his chest tighten, but he perseveres for you.

it's all for you. whether he likes it or not.

"i don't know the answer to that, and any sane person living on this planet wouldn't know either," nanami finally utters. as his words hit the empty air, he sees your pink lips curve upwards by the slightest bit. it’s like you can’t help but be amused by his trademark bluntness. even in the middle of such a bleak conversation, nanami’s glad that he can at least bring you some resemblance of joy.

“but the way i see it,” he continues, hand dipping down to find yours almost instinctively, “none of that matters.”

your brows furrow. you curl into his comforting figure. “what do you mean?”

nanami’s eyes meet yours. “i couldn’t give less of a damn about what happens after death. not when i’m here with you in this moment,” he whispers, unable to restrain himself from inching closer, closer towards your face, “and hopefully the millions after.”

his lips brush against your own. it’s tentative, even almost shy—his way of asking you if this is alright.

you seal the gap without a second thought.

nanami pulls you closer. his arms wrap around your waist, as if he was unwilling to ever let go.

the intimacy of it all is enough to make him forget that for a moment, he was lost in thought, lost in the realization that people truly were helpless to whatever happened in the afterlife. but really, above all else, he was a soldier—had been since the day he enrolled at jujutsu high. and as long as you were safe, nothing else would matter. including his own—insignificant, small, dispensable—life.

at that moment, nanami’s armor became yours instead.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu nanami #jjk nanami #nanami kento #nanami x reader #nanami x you #jujutsu kaisen nanami #nanami x y/n #enjoy the angst #<3 #only a little bit sorry #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk fanfic #nanami fanfic

[pradaax]

Lies & Mistakes

Bada lee x Reader 18+

"Do you trust me?"

"Not even the tiniest bit."

3 < previous / next >

"Would you betray a friend to get what you want?" The interviewer questioned. You and the taller girl eyed each other wanting to laugh at the thought of that.

"No."

"No, never." Bada replied with a smile, looking as innocent as ever like she couldn't even dare hurt a fly.

You snapped out of your thoughts when they announced that the cameras will be on soon. You noticed BEBE still hasn't arrived but decided to ignore it.

"20 Minutes." The announcer notified the groups. You glance over at BEBE when they started to come down the stairs but you didn't seem to see the taller girl among the other girls.

"Bada is currently not feeling well she will come down before the cameras are on." Lusher announcement made you frown. 'Is this her way of getting more attention?' You thought.

"I need to go to the bathroom." You let your group know before walking up the stairs and making your way to BEBE's room. You quietly opened it and peeked through the door.

She was laying on the couch with a blanket over her. You stepped inside the room and shutting the door behind you. Moving closer to the sleeping girl, you stared down at her.

She looked peaceful, she was softly breathing and her long lashes visible as her bangs covered her forehead. Your hand started to reach out and move a few strands of hair away from her face.

"What am I doing?" You whispered to yourself, gathering yourself together and spinning to leave but a soft grip on your wrist stopped you.

"I’m wondering the same thing, what exactly are you doing?" Her raspy voice filled the room. You bit your lip facing her now. The Korean girl sat up waiting for an answer from you.

"I don't know." You answered honestly shaking your head a bit. "I think coming here was a mistake."

"Right-" her harsh coughs hit your ears. "Do you need water?" You quickly grabbed the glass handing it to her.

"No, stop. Don’t act like you care." Bada spoke not taking the glass of water from you. You swallowed and placed it down.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t.”

“Why did you come here?” She questioned staring up at you.

"I... want you to know that I will be going against you today."

You left the room before she could say anything. Were you evil for battling her when you knew she wasn't feeling good? Would this make you feel good? You weren't quite sure yourself.

The battles have began and when it was your turn to pick. You stepped in front of BEBE staring hard into Bada's eyes. "The dancer I want to go against is... Lusher."

You looked back at your group catching them by a surprise with your choice. Kirsten shook her head before smiling because you had her worrying.

You picked Lusher due to her dancing style being similar to yours and you had a feeling the judges favoured Bada and you wanted to win not lose.

Bada glared at you she knew you wanted to get on her nerves. You flashed her a smile and rose a brow.

You went first and you gave it your all. You made sure Bada felt your presence very clear. You wanted her to know that you even might be better than her.

The last 20 seconds was when you took your jacket off making sure to throw it near Bada before your freestyle had finished.

Lusher did well, you and her had no problem but you needed to make sure BEBE knew what it was like to lose. You had a feeling that you had won and you were not wrong because the second the judges flipped the cards the only colour that was shown was pink making you almost jump up and down.

You turned around bending over to grab your jacket, Bada tried her best not to make eye contact with you but that was a complete fail. The pissed off expression from her made you want to smile.

After Daniel announced the new team mission everyone went back to their rooms.

"You really ate her up." Emma spoke.

"You think so?"

"Girl, we know you know." Latrice laughed hopping on the couch. "That's not a lie." You responded giving her a playful smirk.

"That made Bada even more unhappy." Kirsten stated sitting next to you. "That's a her problem."

Everyone's attention went to the knocking on the door. Audrey opened it revealing Biggie.

"All of us are going to a bar in Hongdae, want to come?" She asked in her broken English. "Yes!" Latrice responded.

"Girls, what do you say?" Kirsten questioned and all the girls agreed with her.

Lies & Mistakes

#bada lee swf #bada lee x y/n #bada lee #bada lee x reader #bada lee imagine #bada x reader #swf2 #swf2 x reader #street woman fighter x reader #street woman fighter 2

[dutybcrne]

Kaveh definitely wants at least one child of his own. Partially to continue his family line, partially bc he himself loves the idea of having a family of his own. He would however like to move out of Alhaitham’s place before he even dares consider getting a partner to begin with. And the longer he stays there, the more stress he feels thinking about it. He even has sketched out nursery ideas and plans on how to raise them all set to go, if only he'd get out of debt fast enough-

Furina also really wants to have a child of her own. She adores seeing the families around Fontaine, and has dreamed a great deal what parenthood would be like. Nothing brings her joy than when children about Fontaine invite her to join in on the little games they are playing, leaving her giddy and smiling bright as sunshine on her way home. Of course she knows that to be a parent, she really has to get her shit together. One can't just rear a child on macaroni and residual payments, after all.

#hc; kaveh #//Mans is stressing #//He’s like ‘I’m damn near pushing 30; I should have my life together by now aaAAAA’ #//Do like the idea of Haitham & Kaveh coparenting though #//Them raising a kid together; be it romantically/qp involved or just like #//Some Full House situation type beat lol #//Haitham does like helping kiddos learn after all. And it would make SO much a lot easier for Kav #//Kaveh would preferably want an even number of kids if he has a partner; so they don't ever feel lonely #//If it's just him & his kiddo; then yeah; he's a little more fine w only one. But he really wants them to have someone to fall back on jic #hc; furina #//She's had thoughts of having children of her own for damn near 500 years #//Which she knew would be Impossible; her role came first and foremost #//But now that she's free from that obligation; the thoughts came welling back up #//It's not entirely why she wants to stand on her own right and get better at so many things; but it is part of it #//She'd love the idea of having her own little family at last #//Though her Salon Solitaire buddies will have to do djbhgjfd #//She doesn't actually know how many she wants tho; maybe one if she's single; but whatever her partner is down for; she would be too #//She would be such a doting mom hjcbffg #//She genuinely wouldn't even mind not having a partner if it came down to it. She will most certainly be able to handle a kiddo on her own #//She thinks that; yet she also most certainly get overwhelmed Real quick at first #//Esp since she'd be such a sympathetic crier when it comes to her babu. & bc she already feels the urge to cry when frustrated #//But she would try her best #//Would absolutely consult with The Gals each and every time she needs anything #//Deffo would be the type to get matching outfits for her and her kid jffghh

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so. #literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

[gregmarriage]

genuinely so fucked up right now, and so desperate to leave the house, that i would consider my pap smear, a holiday

#a doctor sticking a brush up my vagina would actually be a welcome change of pace to the monotony of my life lately #it’s the closest thing to action i’ve had in a while #and the only woman who’s been near my vagina in a long time soooo yay? i guess? #idk this is so stupid #genuinely though i would take any change right now #it’s like wow autistic fear of change and like yeah i feel ya there but also if things don’t change soon im actually gonna need to be #committed #barely getting through the day #i’m just doing everything on autopilot and i don’t feel anything but completely numb #oh i guess i do feel something: exhausted #then i feel hyper and jumpy and am practically climbing the walls #manic depression is literally soooo much fun!! #can you tell i’m being sarcastic because if i don’t joke i actually want to do something drastic #really feel the urge to isolate myself from all my friends and family #like i’m *this* fucking close to just vanishing off the face of the earth #i wanna walk into the woods and never come back #bye all i’m gonna go become a deer let’s pray i get run over 🙏✌🏻😂

[starkidlabs]

Feeling lonely again because i feel like I don’t have a close type of relationship with anyone but my family. Like I don’t have the type of friendship where I can text them and get them to go places with me. Most of the time I have to make plans weeks in advance and then I only see them every 3 months tops. It’s so depressing.

#there is one friend I see more often and will sometimes ask to go to random things with me but I still feel like I’m a nusance if I ask her #too often to do random things with me (like mostly we meet and just go for food and walk around London - like casual things not things I #really want to do and need someone to go with me) #and even with her she’s doing her PhD right now and isn’t near me so she doesn’t really have any time #so it’s just real lonely time rn

[raeathnos]

.

#oh I am straight up not having a good time rn #long story short I got in a big ducking fight with my mom yesterday over something dumb #it’s complicated and I don’t want to talk about it #but it was my fault and I did apologize #there’s some shit she did in the past that’s related that I know I’m never getting a fucking apology for but whatever #but I can tell she’s pissed and my apology wasn’t enough #and I know her well enough to know that she’s going to let it sit and stew #and in sometime in the near future when we’re both alone she’s gonna explode at me #very much not in a good mental place for that and not looking forward to it #in the mean time I feel like I gotta walk on eggshells and my anxiety is fucked cause I’m just waiting to be exploded at #I’m disappointed in myself because I feel like I acted like she does which is something I try very hard not to do #but also like I did apologize which is something she never does #which also has me upset #this was over something small and stupid and she’ll turn it into the biggest shit and how I’m a terrible daughter and all that #meanwhile I went through so much shit from her as a kid included getting disowned multiple times #for really stupid reasons (didn’t like that I was a tomboy - was personally insulted that I was depressed) #and Ive never gotten an apology for any of those and know I never will #and additionally know not to talk about them because she’ll just twist things and play the victim #so I guess the gist of it is I’m mad at her and I’m mad at myself for how I acted but also that this is #bringing back a lot of bad memories I’d rather not remember right now #also it was inventory today so I had to be up at 2am and I only got like an hour and a half of sleep #so I’m dying physically mentally and emotionally atm #I am straight up having a bad time #it’s the not knowing when I’m going to get screamed at that’s getting to me rn #my anxiety is so bad #I need to get out of here

[salsflore]

going to sleep soon ～ let me get some things off my chest here.... my eyes are super itchy again (fell into the trap of snuggling my cat even when i swore i wouldn't do it again)

#cw vent #this is bc i have a math exam tmrw I’M SORRYYY i feel some kind of way about that #this is the first exam where i am near confident i will fail. and its just kinda sucky #my mental maths is really poor and due to the fact i skipped grades (unable to afford Education) i don’t know a lot of things my peers know #my results as they are right now? theyre genuinely ok. not bad. but theres still gaps made by the years of missing out on school #this is one of them #its so embarrassing having my classmate look at me weirdly when i ask her about something that should totally be obvious or #something silly like that. i don’t know. its especially hard for me to be interested in maths because my old maths teacher has #literally fucked me up i’m so intimidated by every math teacher ever and i just hate the feeling of being stupid or whatever #i don’t enjoy being comforted by A+ students bc theyre like cmonn its totally fine!! i relate i got a 39/40 :( #or my friends who make jokes about how stupid i am and its just aghhh #its already been almost a year since ive enrolled in school again but i still feel so out of place #so miserable i could just die #so miserable i think i SHOULD die #and i'm just nervous about getting an absolute 0. failing my first test made me want to literally kill myself #sorry for being dramatic but when you have a sister whos awards and certificates fill your house shelf its kind of like........ #aghhhh!!!! maybe i should just accept that i'm good for nothing at all!!!!!! #not that great with numbers or formulas. probably not that great at writing either. nor am i as eloquent as i'd like to be ～ #not artistically inclined. science is a bore. not ~ naturally ~ adept with neither languages nor history! psychology! economics! sports! #forgive me for not being able to do anything good at all ... zzz

[krispiecake]

currently thinking about how when i told my dad to tell my mother i would not be speaking to her until she apologised she just. straight up stopped even trying to contact me. like, not even a text. absolutely insane how much this woman refuses to admit that maybe she was wrong about how she handles some things. she cannot swallow her pride to even do this one really small basic show of respect. fucking mental.

#like…… i think she said ‘im sorry it came out rude’ right after it happened but. GIRL. #THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE APOLOGISING FOR AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT. #she knows full well that what she said was inappropriate invalidating triggering and insulting #AND that i have repeatedly asked her NOT to say it over the past few years. #and yet she just says ‘sorry it came out rude’???? like not ‘im sorry i said that’ not ‘i was wrong and insulting and disrespectful of ur #boundries that youve had in place for years now’ #and like she keeps doing this again and again and again with so many fucking things #she just has no respect for my mental health issues or who i am or like just me as a person #its near constant. shes always subtly calling me dramatic and ridiculous and telling me that im stupid and that its all my fault #but the moment i try to bring up anything like this to her just just yells #and goes ‘oh i get it im a horrible mum well i tried my best and i put in so much work’ ect ect ect #like i was sharing with her biosocial theory and how i think that bcause we have never different ways of regulating out emotions #it meant i was never taught to do it properly/in a way that works for me and that combined with my autism and my trauma likely led to my bpd #and when i tried to explain that it wasnt anyones fault its just that we’re different ppl and there was no way she couldve knows #she was like ‘ohhhh so its MY fault? hm? I’M the reason youre like this!?’ #and she looks down on me so fucking much for my ed and for sh and really just for any symptoms i show bc #why cant i deal with things properly like HER. #idk its so exhausting like i just want a proper apology from my own fucking mother but no. #shes doing the exact same thing that she berates and mocks and looks down on me for. #ugh i feel like screaming

[johndonneswife]

spending time with my sister again is making me sad. i want to shake her and scream at her and let her know there’s more for her out there - all she has to do is grab it. she’s only been here 24 hours and has already facetimed our mom, dad & grandmother multiple times, as if she doesn’t see all three of them every day back home. she’s constantly been telling me stories about my cousin’s kids as if they’re her own - shows me pictures of them posing in front of art projects she does with them, candids of them playing at the park. she expects me to be sadder than i am because someone in our extended family, who i talk to maybe once every 8 years, is sick. she deliberately forces herself to speak with a thick accent like everyone we know, but i can tell she’s faking it. she’s talking about buying a house that will be ‘good’ for our parents and her boyfriend’s mom to live in ‘one day,’ when she’s never even had a real job and has never lived away from my parents. she’s asking me about the guest list for my wedding and bringing up all these people in our family she knows i don’t like, who i don’t talk to, who i don’t even consider family anymore.

i want her to live for herself for once in her life. i want her to be single for once in her life. i want her to learn not to rely on a boyfriend to bolster her self-esteem. i want her to make new friends, to come home late, to have a ‘rebellious phase.’ i want her to feel real anger. i want her to have her own thoughts, to have real interests and passions. i want her to have a life outside of the cult that is our family. i wish she knew she was more than a baby factory. i wish she knew she was more than my mother’s puppet. i wish she knew people would still love her and cherish her if she would just be herself - and with that knowledge, i wish more than anything she would feel comfortable enough to finally figure out who exactly she is.

all she does is perform. she plays it safe - sticks to all the approved hobbies and phrases and thoughts and aspirations. she doesn’t even know she’s doing it. and being around her is fine but she is emotionally immature because of all of this shit. she lacks depth. she is not a self-actualized person. i could not tell you anything about her soul. she leans in too hard to what everyone else has always wanted her to be.

selfishly - she could maybe be the one person in the world who understands me best - but she’ll never be. and that makes me sad, too.

#i love my sister and i wish she would spend time figuring out who she is #and it makes me sad that she won’t #she will pop out at least three babies and live in the same town as the rest of my family and never travel and never read anything good #she will dedicate her life to her husband and her kids and her career and make them all her entire personality #and after a while there will be nothing of her left #because she never cared enough about herself to nuture her own weirdness and embrace her individuality and love herself despite her flaws #and i blame my family for that but i also kind of blame her too #i’m just sad for her #our relationship is fine but i wish i could tell her this without starting a massive argument #i just need her to know. it’s okay to want more. and i need her to stop stop stop being brainwashed by these stupid fucking people #how did i never notice how bad it was when i was living near my family? i feel so stupid #i repressed so much of my childhood and bits and pieces are coming back lately #but with sara right now. i feel like the dam is breaking. ugh #text #i want her to be happy and fulfilled i just really do #there’s just so much shit in the way #don’t get me started on how she’s also self-diagnosing herself with a million different mental illnesses tho i need another post for that #don’t reblog this obviously. dunno why i have to write that