#i really feel like this is wholly and entirely my fault

[utytimeline]

I might make some people mad, but I'm gonna say it, anyway.

So, Ceroba's reason for choosing Chujin over Star was because she wanted someone more mature. At least, that's my understanding. Star was playing cowboy and role-playing with his friends while she wanted to settle down and raise a family.

And... yeah, Star had a lot of growing up to do. And he did almost none of it until Ceroba stopped him from shooting us.

Star's main character flaw is his ego, but it's even worse than just an ego. Half the reason he set up the Wild East was to help everyone else. He wanted to bring in money to help his family when the Swelterstone's effects caused a drought; he wanted monsters to get a taste of what the surface is like so they don't drown in despair; and he wanted to make Ceroba happy after she lost both her husband and her child. All of this on top of feeling like he was a "nobody farmer" that couldn't do anything or help anyone.

So Star's primary character flaw isn't as simple as just having a big ego. His primary character flaw is trying to fix others as a way of fixing himself.

Sometimes this is a good thing, tho. I often think of Star as the "papa" of the Feisty Five. He's the protective one, he's the one teaching them ethics (reminding Mooch that they're not supposed to be bandits, playing dead to teach Clover about the responsibility of potentially hurting someone), he takes care of the town, he's made ALL his own money from this town that he built himself (enough that Mooch wants his inheritance, so it's a sizeable amount), he even gave his posse a designated nap time, gave Ceroba a home (and possibly gave her his bed while he crashes on the couch), sews his own clothes, set up all the rules and regulations... and I could go on, but I think I've made my point. Star is not wholly irresponsible. He's not perfectly responsible- he, and the rest of the posse, have a habit of breaking and losing Blackjack's weapons, they're all loud and rowdy, and they have a tendency to forget to turn off their boulder machines out in the Dunes.

So, yeah, Star does still have some growing up to do. But he's got a good start.

As for... everything that went wrong... That was entirely due to Star's worship of humanity. Star fell in love with westerns and with the justice and overall sense of romance that they portrayed, so much so that he not only tried to make himself into one of his western heroes, but he then extended this worship to the first human to ever set foot in the Dunes- namely, Clover. And because of this, Star completely threw everything that was good about himself out the window. He sees a human an immediately decides "this is my deputy," without even really giving Clover a fair chance to see if they even are deputy material. He forgot the safety glasses, got so worked up he forgot how to pronounce "duel," became extremely temperamental, apparently forgot that Vengeful Virgil was scheduled for the train mission that day, locked up a Royal Guard against her will (arguably committing treason in doing so, I might add), and just generally began running over everyone's words and emotions, including Ceroba's.

So when it came down to the Showdown... Star blamed Clover. Star's not an idiot. He knows good and well it's not Clover's fault. It's Star's fault- or more precisely, it's his worship of humanity that is to blame. But the problem is, he's taken it upon himself to guard the feelings of other monsters, to make them feel hope and joy. And he just screwed up and stole all that from them. So he's conflicted, not willing to admit that he has done the exact opposite of everything he set out to do. And since it's his worship of humans that led him to this point, he decides to blame the human.

Hence, the Showdown.

But he doesn't want to do it. He says himself, "Monsterkind's Hero is a title soaked in blood." He loves humans. And he sees Clover as a friend. He doesn't want to kill them. He's not a killer, and he doesn't want to be one. He doesn't believe in it. Justice is one thing, but... how is it just to kill someone that did nothing wrong?

So. Here's where Ceroba comes in. Telling Star he needs to calm down and go back to who he used to be. And Star points out that she's changed, too. Even Ceroba says, before taking Clover to the Steamworks, that she doesn't know if she has room to tell Star to go back to the Starlo she used to know.

Ceroba, tho, is no different than Star (this is the part that I said might make some people mad). Ceroba worships Chujin just as much as Star worships humans.

Ok, look. Chujin was a great craftsman. He built so much- furniture for Dalv, his and Ceroba's house, the space heater at the Honeydew Resort, many other items in use throughout the Underground, Kanako's toys (even programmed a video game for her), and so much more. So much that even Star respects him for all that he did for everyone.

However, there is also much that indicates that Chujin wasn't the best at his job. His only award is "You Tried at Engineering," and it took 14 tries for him to build a working robot. In Chujin's defense, I will say that it is impressive that he did build a working, sentient robot without the use of a SOUL, which is how Alphys made both Mettaton and Mew Mew; however, if Chujin is really such a genius, why did it take 14 tries to get Axis to work, when it apparently only took 1 try for Guardener?

And then Chujin didn't just stop with robotics, but went on to SOUL research. Two completely different fields. (And before anyone starts commenting on Alphys, I just want to point out, yet again, that both of the robots she built did use SOUL power; so, realistically, Alphys never was a great robotics genius, but rather, everything she did was a part of SOUL research- hence, the reason Asgore hired her as the Royal Scientist). But Chujin decided to press on with his SOUL research, despite there being no indication anywhere that he had ever done any such research before.

Now, I'm not trying to say that Chujin wasn't remarkable or a genius. I'm just pointing out some things that indicate that maybe he wasn't quite the genius that Ceroba wanted to make him out to be. And... Ceroba's reaction to his "You Tried" award. She's proud of him. More pride than what is warranted by such an award.

Ceroba said she met Chujin when he pretty much rescued her after she twisted her ankle, fell into a ditch, and laid there for several hours, unable to move. She also said that she had considered dating Starlo before meeting Chujin. So... hate me for this if you want to, but I feel like she may not have the best judgement when it comes to guys. Now, that's not to say she picked losers or creeps. Both Chujin and Starlo were/are sweethearts that care deeply about everyone around them. But the fact remains that Ceroba left behind the guy that she'd known all her life for a guy she just met, just because he rescued her from a bad situation.

And I'm not even saying she made a bad choice! By all accounts- including Ceroba's, Martlet's, and even Starlo's- Chujin was a good, kind-hearted, hard-working monster, and a wonderful husband and father. But... he wasn't perfect. And I think Ceroba, even though they had to have been married at least 10 years, just always had stars in her eyes where he was concerned. He was her everything. She believed he could do no wrong. She believed it so strongly, she was willing to do... many horrible things.

Ceroba's drive to kill Clover started with her love for Chujin. She wanted to do anything to keep him alive in her own heart. And when their child begged and pleaded for a chance to help, Ceroba agreed, because Kanako woshipped her father, too. Ceroba's misguided belief in her husband guided her to do things she would never have done otherwise.

Thus the reason for her guilt. It's not just guilt over killing her own child. It's also guilt over knowing that it was her own misguided worship of a monster that wasn't as perfect as she thought he was, that this was what led her to kill, and to kill again.

Ceroba worshipped Chujin. Just as Starlo worshipped the ground Clover walked on, Ceroba worshipped the ground Chujin walked on.

So when people point to Ceroba's comment that Starlo didn't grow up... yeah. She's right. Starlo needed to grow up.

But so did Ceroba.

One of the hardest parts of growing up is realizing that the people you worship are just people. They make mistakes, and you, yourself, are mistaken for believing they can do no wrong.

So, anyway. There's as much Staroba (Starfox, I call them) hatred as there is love for the ship. I've seen both sides of the argument: Starlo isn't mature enough; Ceroba is insane. Yeah. You're both right. And that's why they're perfect for each other. They both made the mistake of changing everything they were in an effort to continue worshipping their idols. They both went nuts. They were both driven to kill. This is the inherent danger of idolatry, believing so much in something that isn't real, that you will do anything to make it stay real to you.

#undertale yellow #starlo #ceroba #clover #my analysis #character analysis #starfox uty #chujin ketsukane #kanako ketsukane

[kyouka-supremacy]

Yeah, Teruko was the one that made me realize the sexisim that existed in BSD when I first binged it. Or, more accurate, what TYPE we're dealing with. The female characters can exist and have their own moments, but they can never outshine the male characters and Asagiri can also allow himself to forget them if he needs to. When I read Stormbringer, one of the things that stood out to me is the fact that no female character has any prominent role until like, 200+ pages in, and what role Kouyou got was so minimal she might as well not have shown up at all. Yosano has a huge important backstory that doesn't become relevant until SEASON 4 while most of her male companions have had theirs explored way before her. It's disappointing, but I genuinely find Teruko intolerable and find her to be the worst written character in the entire series. It's not her fault, but her behaviour around Fukuchi and her ability was just horrid to me. Her ending here just enhances all the issues that already existed in her character for me. She's the only female character in this series I can't stand and that SUCKS because I want to love them all, but Asagiri is making that mighty difficult when he pulls stuff like this :/

(´；ω；｀)

The almost complete lack of female characters is personally my greatest disincentive to reading Stormbringer (together with the lack of ss/kk. Discredit where it's due).

Teruko's role this whole doa arc has been.. Saddening? I feel all the hd have a lot of untapped potential; but whereas with Fukuchi and Tachihara and even Jouno it's like, you know what's their deal, there's so little we know about Teruko and Tetchou's motivations and backstory. And even when both had their occasional times to shine - I like Teruko's scenes in the Sky Casino arc! A lot! I think they make for a very cool character! -, there's the whole deal with Teruko in the airport arc which is just :/// Like, she's just there to move the plot forward. She was very pretty in chapter 105 and made me feel like she had some further insight in the whole picture, like she had taken a stand and had a motive, but in the end it was never elaborated on, and I'm very sorry for that. Way worse, she was exclusively delegated to the role of numbly moving the plot forward, which is just wholly unfortunate. Why did she let Atsushi go just like that, like, really?? Oftentimes women's role in this franchise is truly meaningless. I don't really care for what side she was going to take in the end, I just wish she was just handled more sensibility, more respectfully. But alas. Hoping she'll get some spotlight in the future, because I really like her.

I like Teruko! Like, I genuinely get where you're coming from, and your reasons for not liking her are very valid. To me it's more about straight-up ignoring some stuff I don't like (REALLY can't vibe with the Fukuchi worshipping, I find it quite gross to be honest) and emphasizing the aspects I do like. I like how she's unapologetically mean - honestly, not many female characters get to do that. She gets to be a villain -, but I also like how it's compensated with a very strong moral code and genuine intent to protect citizens. I love lots of her scenes in the Sky Casino arc: her interactions with Tachihara are funny and vaguely wholesome, her determination and resourcefulness to win over Sigma is so cool, and her reluctance to hurt citizens, and the scene where she stopped an aircraft with her bare hands!!!! Honestly, banger after banger after banger, looking back at it that's probably why I held such high expectations for her character. Despite personally wholly disagreeing with bsd's morale, even Teruko's enouncement of her Hobbesian principles is enjoyable for me, because it's quite rare to see a woman preach such realist, cynical worldviews; if anything, it's refreshing. I think her ability is super cool and original, I love it tons!! I really like her character design, too. I like how she's of the highest grade compared to all other hd members minus Fukuchi and I like how she can be childish and keep them in line at the same time. I like how more mature and savvy she looked in her latest airport arc appearances, how she looked tired of war on par with Fukuchi. I wish she was given more screentime and importance and agency, and I wish the mess of the last chapter didn't happen, but I like her personality.

On her ability, I think it's pretty cool, and neutrally problematic by its own; but I do agree that between Teruko having child appearances and being obsessed with a grown-up man, the whole Mori deal, Aya proposing to Kunikida in chapter 40, the chapter 107.5 page that left everyone perplexed and was only later on clarified by the anime, (and, regretfully, even how the Kyouka / Atsushi dynamics are framed in some of the earlier chapters), it creates a very distasteful pattern.

I really like Yosano's backstory (really. I've said it a lot of times before, but I think chapters 65-66 are the best written chapters in the whole manga.), but it's not like just because of two small chapters that center around a woman after 15 volumes of male spotlight bsd suddenly stops being sexist lol. And that's something I've already said before, but: Yosano's chapters are beautiful! But they don't really help empower female characters in this franchise. Yosano completely lacks agency in the story, which is FINE for the story on its own, yet in the context it simply does nothing but reinforce the fact that women can't be masters of their fate.

I also strongly agree with the fact that female characters are accurately written as to never outshine their male counterparts. As someone else has pointed out before, both Kyouka and Higuchi have respectively saved Atsushi and Akutagawa's lives (in Kyouka's case, multiple times), so why is it that Atsushi and Akutagawa don't serve them the same respect and admiration that they hold for them? The double standard is really blatant once you start seeing it.

I've written more on bsd's sexism here, if you'd like to check it out. Even though it's very important to read things critically and acknowledge franchises' faults, I still can't help but feel bad for spreading negativity (╥﹏╥) Here's to hoping the bsd writing of female characters will improve in the future!!

#I really get the frustration of disliking a female character but wanting to like them SO BAD because sis it's not their fault– #the author can't write women to save their life. #It happened to me with Lucy because the whole “Live‚ and save me from this place one day” deal was a very hard pill to swallow. #Which doubly sucked because I really felt stereotype of hating on a female character just because she gets in the way of your mlm ship ಥ_ಥ #teruko ōkura #bsd #bsd negativity #mine #people asks me stuff #4am has apparently become the prime time to answer asks lol

[affectionatelyrs]

Year In Review - Favorite Lines

Thank you to @kiwiana-writes @happiness-of-the-pursuit @anincompletelist @littlemisskittentoes @rockyroadkylers @firenati0n and @gayrootvegetable for the tags! :) I'm very excited for this game

RULES: Feel free to share your top three/top five/however many favorite snippet(s)/line/quotes/paragraphs from your published fics (or wips, I don't care!) and don't forget to share the link of course!

I only have 8 fics, so I'll just go through most of them in reverse chronological order because why not (except for my first fic, she isn't real to me) - it's mostly either a fuck ton of feelings or me trying to be funny

Gonna Give You Something (So You Know What’s on My Mind)

Alex traces his finger from start to finish, over all the points where his fingers pressed into, and it’s not until then that Henry realizes what Alex has been doing—paving his own path to follow through the points where they’ve touched, connected into a complex constellation; Henry, a celestial body, and Alex, his renowned cartographer; the North Star that Henry found in Alex’s eyes likely reflected in his own, allowing them to find their way to each other with something as simple as a passing glance.

and

It’s soft and slow, but it’s everything—the all-encompassing sensation that surrounds him like a swirling galaxy, Alex pulling him into the center of it. He can feel it, the way that Alex’s divinity transforms him, rays of warmth spreading through his entire being. It’s something wholly bigger than himself, and yet, as Henry lets his lips drift down to Alex’s neck, helpless to avoid the gravity that draws him in there, it’s also something that he thinks he could pinpoint; make tangible. If Henry has always found value in the night sky, then maybe he could find some in the place where he sucks a mark into the crook of Alex’s neck, too—swirling shades of mauve and cobalt, bursting capillaries forming the silhouette of stars.

alright one more for the comedy

Nora shrugs. “Eh, it’s fine. I just really hate the male gaze sometimes.” At that, Alex gasps rather dramatically. “What do you have against the male gays?” “What? No, that’s not—” “Look! There’s one right there!” Alex cries, pointing directly at Henry. He finds Henry’s eyes, tilting his head with calculated consideration before— Christ, before crawling over to Henry on all fours.

Help Me Hold On to You

Alex is fine. Alex remains in his spot on the couch. The couch is good and soft and comfortable and fine. There’s air in his lungs and the bees in his brain are only slightly buzzing. They haven’t moved from their hive. But then, a faint click sounds from upstairs. One door closes, and another one opens; the fault shifts, and Alex gets swept under by the flood. The bees hate water, and they hate Alex even more for getting their feet soaked, so they try to escape. They swarm about in every direction, from the crown of Alex’s head to the pit of his stomach to the tips of his toes, but it’s a futile effort. They’re trapped, and they despise Alex for it, so the buzzing grows and grows and grows until Alex is buzzing too. Alex doesn’t realize this until he tries to move. He stands up, but his legs are shaking so much that it’s a fruitless endeavor; his knees buckle and he sinks to the floor. The bees are in his lungs too, now. They must be, because Alex can’t seem to be able to take a breath. The bees hate the water, so they try to push it out of Alex. They must be, because his throat is dry but his eyes are wet.

King of My Heart

Henry halts his ministrations and glances skeptically at Alex before picking up the jacket and reaching a hand into the inside pocket. A condom falls out, but when he pulls out a travel-sized bottle of lube, he lets out a bewildered laugh. “Have you been carrying this around all night?” “Locker lube,” Alex says in lieu of a response. Henry freezes. What? “Pardon, come again?” “But I haven’t even come once yet,” Alex pouts.

Baby, You're Gonna Lose Your Own Game

The jaw that scrapes against Alex’s neck is so sharp it could cut glass; the moan that escapes him is one of its collateral shards.

and

Considering he always assumed the perfect prince was made of porcelain, he’s surprised when he sees a thin line of perspiration building up at the crux of his forehead. Alex didn’t think that the fine glassware of Kensington Palace was capable of sweating.

All of This Silence and Patience (Pining and Anticipation)

So, Henry lets Pez drag him to parties. Maybe this time I’ll go up and talk to someone, he thinks. Maybe this time I’ll find someone who will stick. But the only thing that sticks are his Oxfords to the beer-covered floor, and the only thing he finds is himself wishing he hadn’t come at all.

and

“I didn’t know that you were—” he cuts himself off, sliding a hand over his face. “I, um. Shit, sorry. I just meant, uh… Christ—” Alex saves Henry some breath by cutting him off. “Bi? Sure am.” “Since when?” Is Henry’s only response. Apparently, being in dangerously close proximity to pretty boys makes him a bit dim. Whatever. He’ll have time to reflect on this and feel utterly mortified later.

You Came Out of Nowhere (And You Cut through All the Noise)

Like, here’s the thing. Alex knows a lot of words. He knows he does, given the fact that if babbling aimlessly was a college course, he’d not only get an A plus in it but a shiny fucking gold star too. He’d stick it on his forehead — he’s a show-off and a sucker for praise, sue him. So then, if a2+b2=c2 and 2+2=4 (Nora is the numbers person in their friendship, shocking), then why has his vocabulary suddenly been reduced down to the likes of shit, motherfucker, and mouth.

Tagging @inexplicablymine @read-and-write- @rmd-writes @welcometololaland @everwitch-magiks @raysletters @iboatedhere @orchidscript @onward--upward @daisymae-12 @dustratcentral @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @leaves-of-laurelin @cultofsappho @cricketnationrise @nocoastposts @myheartalivewrites and @matherines

#affectionately writes #tag game #favorite lines #rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb fic #rwrb fanfic

[1d1195]

Normal People VI

I feel like some of you aren't going to like my "creative direction" on this one and I'm sorry for that. But if you've read any of my other work, there's not much I can do about these endings I write.

This last part kind of starts abruptly...kind of ends abruptly too. I recognize that. I just wanted to post and I've had a good chunk of this written since August. I think it's time. I hope you've enjoyed Normal People. You can read the rest here: Normal People. As much as I enjoyed the show, the book, and writing this, I'm looking forward to moving on to my next piece.

“If you break my heart, I think I’ll die.”

He smirked sadly, without humor. “I think if I break your heart...I’ll die, too,” he whispered and gently.

It was mid-October, home for the weekend. Her favorite time of year. It was warm from the fall day, but it was chilling off rapidly in the setting evening sun. That’s when she finally had enough, her favorite time of year. When Harry ruined everything. All the progress that he had made with her at university over the last year and a half...

When he was away from his friends from home, and it was just Niall and some of her friends, he was himself—truly himself.  As hurt as she felt, she was also so sad for Harry for not feeling like he could be himself around his friends. Harry was so much better at university than he ever was in their school days.

But it didn’t make the hurt any less awful.

She thought it would be different. So maybe that was her own fault for setting her expectations so high of someone that had only ever let her down at home. Without really noticing, she called Niall. Niall was one of the only people who knew the Harry that she loved so much. The one that didn’t break her heart anymore. “Hey Niall,” she sniffed into the phone.

“Oh...hey princess, y’okay?”

She nodded. “Just...uh...” there was a hollow laugh that escaped her lips at the prospect of crying over Harry and his lack of ability to keep her heart safe. “Just...did Harry ever tell you about us?”

“Yeah...” Niall sighed. Poor thing. “M’sorry, that—”

“How come I’m not good enough?” She interrupted.

Niall frowned as he listened to the sound of her soft sniffles and shaky breathing through the phone. “Oh, princess. You’re too good. He knows that.”

“Then why does he always break my heart?” She whimpered.

Shaking his head, he wanted to smack Harry. Of course, he loved the sweet girl. She was an angel. But Harry deserved her and so much more for himself, only because he had hid his true feelings and emotions for so long. But Niall didn’t want her hurting. Especially because of Harry. No one deserved that—but especially not her. “I don’t know, love. I really don’t know.”

She nodded. “Okay...m’sorry to call and bother you. I just...” she sighed and shook her head. “You know the same Harry that I do.”

“The one that loves you so wholly,” Niall nodded in agreement. He knew what she meant. She shook her head at his words and whispered a quiet no. It felt like agony. It felt almost as bad as when her mom left her. It felt awful. “He does, love. I promise. He’s just an idiot.”

But it didn’t feel like it...it never did. So, she stayed silent.

*

Harry was racing out the door. He wasn’t himself. The guy his friends knew from their school days was long gone. The guy that was just inside wasn’t the same one from university either. That was someone entirely different. Someone that had the confidence to stand up for what he believed was right and for what he thought was wrong. Someone that made a scene and someone that yelled like nothing he’d ever done before.

But he thought it was still too late.

He didn’t stop them from making fun of her again. It was just like the party nearly two years ago. Sarah did more of a number on the stupid guys and catty girls in the group. They watched her with disdain and snickered under their breath. When they finally had the whole place laughing at her expense, she finally lost it. “You’re really not going to say anything?” She asked it so quietly as she looked at Harry expectantly.

He was soundless, blank. His muscles were stiff. Frozen in this horrible moment. He should have done something. Said something. Anything would have been better than absolutely nothing. Sarah silently, telepathically, begged for him to do anything.

Maybe it was too late, but once she was out the door, he caused a scene. A loud one. One that his friends never expected him to produce. Sarah was so proud she could have cried. But there was one friend that said, “If you liked her, why didn’t you say anything?”

Harry wanted to scream.

*

It was a bit later that he found her. It wasn’t like she was missing, and no one knew where she was. It was just sad that no one was looking for her. No one really cared that she left.

But Harry did.

He always did.

She was sitting on the ground. A small blanket from her car was the only thing separating her from the cold ground. She was sitting up straight, her legs outstretched in front of her, and her neck craned almost perpendicular to the ground to stare at the sky.

“Hey kitten,” he said softly. He didn’t want to scare her.

“Do you like clouds?” She wondered.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he got closer to her, and he gazed down at her as she stared up at the endless world in front of them. Her eyes were glassy. They rotated across the view above her slowly, over, and over. He could see from her face that she was thinking so deeply about something, and he wondered what that was.

“’Ve never really...looked at them,” he admitted quietly. He wished he did. Just so it could be one more thing that he understood on her behalf. He glanced upwards now, and sure it was pretty but it was obvious she was seeing so much more than Harry. Something more. She always did.

“I love clouds,” she whispered and leaned back slowly to lie down and could stare at the sky without straining her neck, she was nearly unblinking as she watched the clouds shift before her. “I’ve always been a sky-kinda girl,” she explained. “No one ever really...” she shook her head. “No one I know understood it...except my mom,” she sighed scrunching her face sadly. “No one ever really understood me the way she did,” she whispered quietly.

Harry didn’t know what to say so he just stayed quiet. He was still looking at her, unable to move his eyes from her. She was stunning. Even when sad. He wanted to understand her, he thought he did have a pretty good understanding of her. But how was he supposed to compare to her mum? How could he get her to believe him after that horrific display?

“How can you not...” she shook her head as she trailed off changing her sentence part way through. “The sky is never going to look like this again,” she gestured toward the clouds. Harry finally looked up and really looked. The clouds were fluffy, pink, purple, gray, and yellow. The sun peeked through the thinner parts casting rays along the rest of the sky. It was beautiful. It was like a watercolor painting. “Even in five minutes...a whole new sky,” she mumbled.  It was very poetic the way she said it. However, Harry knew she wasn’t just talking about the sky. “I’ve always been in love with the sky,” she told him. Harry didn’t know that. He felt like he knew nothing about her in that moment.

“Yeah?” He murmured. It was all he could get his tongue to say.

“The sun, the stars, the moon. The clouds,” she shook her head. “M’in love with it all.”

While she stared at the sky, the air seemed so quiet, and Harry moved his gaze away from the clouds and back to her. He tried, with everything in him, to see what she saw. And yes, it was beautiful. But nothing compared to her. He wanted to say he loved her. Every part of her. He was in love with it all—but she was more than the sun, the stars, the moon, and the clouds. She was the entire universe.

“How’d you find me?”

“Huh?” He murmured sitting on the ground away from her two feet of space between them.

“Find me?” She repeated.

Harry was silent for a moment. “I... I don’t like t’be too far away from you,” he answered. It didn’t really answer her question. He hoped she would just let it go. He didn’t know how to explain to her that his heart would search far and wide for her. He wouldn’t rest until he knew where she was so he could know she was safe and okay...especially when he was the cause of her heartache.

“Oh,” she said softly. “Why?” She wondered.

He shook his head. “Something...something about you, love,” he mumbled.

There was just the sound of the light breeze whooshing past their ears for a moment. “I wish you figured that out years ago,” she said quietly. His chest hurt. He deserved that. “Y’know Harry, I always thought that you liked me,” she whispered bravely. “And I thought that was ridiculous because you were popular and lovely, and I was weird, smart, and quiet.”

“You are lovely,” he whispered. She seemed to pretend like she didn’t hear him.

“And then you kissed me, and I was so sure...and...” she shook her head trailing off, devastated again.

“Kitten,” he said softly. She didn’t need to finish her thoughts. He knew what she wanted to say.

She ignored him. “You can leave,” she said softly. She didn’t want him there anymore than he wanted to be there, she was sure.

Don’t go. Don’t leave her...again. Harry felt compelled to respect her wishes. To leave her alone and let her sit alone. But it was chilling rapidly. He had already left her once at that party and he regretted it so intensely, it still hurt even though she was right in front of him.

And the sky was almost as beautiful as she was.

And he hadn’t told her as such.

“I can’t,” he croaked. He felt so horrible for being too late. For not saying what he was feeling for not...for letting them treat her that way. Even after all these years. It made him sick. She turned her head and looked at him. “I can’t leave you, kitten.”

“M’sure I told you to stop calling me kitten,” she shook her head. She was exasperated. He watched the way her shoulders shook against the chilly air. He wanted to hold her. Wanted to warm her. The only thing he wanted was to touch her.

He winced. “Yeah...I can’t do that either.”

“Please leave,” she whispered.

Don’t. “Kitten.”

“Harry,” she sighed.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, and Harry propped himself to his knees beside her. He turned his body toward her. He wasn’t going to mess up. She glanced at him momentarily, sucking her lip into her mouth. She kept her eyes above, staring at the clouds ever changing and moving. The breeze was picking up, icing the air and surely her skin. Harry wanted to wrap his arms around her more, keep her warm and safe the way he never had before. She didn’t respond to his apology. “Kitten,” he said quietly.

“Harry, I swear to God, stop with the kitten.”

“No,” he said firmly. “I can’t. You’re my...” he shook his head. “I’m so sorry I was horrible t’you. But you’re my kitten. I can’t ever stop. Even if y’never forgive me—you’ll always be m’kitten.”

She felt her eyebrows pinch together, she stared at him soberly for a long moment. It felt like time had frozen there as the sun dipped further behind the clouds. The pink sky turning gray and dark, readying for the stars to appear.

Had he really been carrying this guilt all this time? Didn’t he know she was friends with him because...? Harry was intelligent, surely, he wasn’t this inept. “Harry... you’ve always been forgiven.”

He blinked. It felt like time had stopped. “What?”

“It was school, Harry. I can’t blame you...the hormones, the people, the...everything...it wasn’t your fault.”

Harry felt the air escape his lungs. “No,” he shook his head. “No, love...you can’t...you can’t give in that easily. I don’t deserve you and I was s’horrible t’you. If you jus’—”

“Harry, you weren’t horrible to me,” she shook her head. “There wasn’t a single day I spent with you that wasn’t the best day of my life,” she sounded irritated. “I don’t want to be in love with you, but I can’t help it. But it’s killing me. I don’t want to be in love with you anymore. I’m just...waiting for the inevitable heartbreak.”

Harry was still and silent. He wanted to cry. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want her to wait for that. It didn’t have to be like that. “Love.”

 “Harry, it hurts so much to be this in love and only for you to be scared and not reciprocate it.”

He nodded. “I know,” he winced; he didn’t understand the torment she was feeling due to his lack of attention or help. But he understood the torment he was feeling due to his own stupidity. Losing her would be the worst mistake of his life. “I wish...”

She sniffled and Harry realized she was crying. “I wish too,” she whispered. “You’re...my best friend. And I don’t want to lose you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I think tonight was proof I would...I mean. Can you really say that you’re not worried? They’re not going to go away. And for whatever reason they don’t like me.”

“I want nothing t’do with them, then, kitten. You’re m’whole world. M’whole life,” he explained.

She shook her head. “I don’t think it’s enough, Harry. I can love you and love you and love you but it’s just...”

He felt so defeated. Keep fighting. It was one tiny voice in his head shouting at the top of his lungs. It seemed useless. She was right in some ways. She had no reason to believe Harry could change after his performance. It seemed like the fight was futile. But he wanted her.

He wanted her something fierce.

“When was the last time we kissed?” He asked.

She blinked at him; it was so sudden. “What?”

“When did we kiss last?”

The blood rushed to her cheeks turning them pink like the sky but Harry wanted to kiss her until she was redder than a firetruck. “Harry...”

“Kitten, please,” he begged.

“You can’t fix us with a kiss.”

He leaned forward and cupped his hand against her face. She gasped softly and tried to pull her head away ever so slightly. “It won’t be one kiss.”

She looked so sad. “Harry...”

“Kitten,” he croaked and closed his eyes. He felt like the air in his lungs was solidifying as he tried to breathe. “If you really don’t want to, I won’t. But I have to try,” he told her. “You’re my whole world.”

She gazed at him, his hand on her cheek, and her eyes so mistrusting. “I’d rather you be my best friend than lose you because you don’t love me.”

“I adore you.”

“Do you think that’s enough?” She asked.

“It has to be.”

Swallowing she placed her hand over his against her cheek. She turned her head toward his palm and brushed her lips against it. “If you break my heart, I think I’ll die.”

He smirked sadly, without humor. “I think if I break your heart...I’ll die, too,” he whispered and gently, with the touch of a butterfly brushed his lips over hers. Her eyes closed and she seemed to melt into him.

“S’really cold out here,” she whispered.

He nodded and kissed her a little more deeply, wrapped his free arm around her, pulling her to him in hopes of keeping her warm. “Were y’gonna sit out here all night and freeze?”

She shook her head and smiled softly. “Guess I knew you would come around,” she admitted.

Harry sighed with relief. “M’glad you knew.”

Wrinkling her cute little nose, she leaned in and kissed Harry once more. “I think your kissing needs some work.”

“M’a bit out of practice.”

“Hmm,” she hummed and kissed him again.

“Let’s get you warm.”

“I’m pretty warm now,” she told him.

He nodded. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

With his forehead pressed to hers he grinned and then kissed the tip of her nose. “I love you,” it was so simple to say. Easy. So entirely easy. From far away they looked like a normal couple. Ready to watch and wish on shooting stars. There was silence between them, the air seeming to warm around them and Harry’s declaration. He would wait forever for her to say it back to him. Even if she just said it several times over, it meant something different now that Harry could say it.

“I love you too,” she answered finally. Harry sighed with relief and kissed her more.

There was nothing normal about them.

But she wouldn’t want it any other way.

--

taglist: @feestyles @sunshinemoonsposts @matildasatellite @reveriehs @asmilinghopefullromantic @macy-tpwk

#harry #harry styles #harry styles fluff #harry styles blurb #harry styles blurbs #harry styles imagine #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles sad #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #one direction #one direction writing #harry styles writing #normal people

[iugen02]

working theory! just to give a general idea about my "analyzing" style.

Byler theory 1 theory premise > If it is true that "Stranger Things will end with an emotional arc for Will Byers – that will tie the entire series together." Then, it is likely The Mindflayer feeds off of Will's emotional pain. This would mean, for example, that healing Will's heartbreak in s4 is going to be a key player in saving the world.

commentary > Obviously this could mean that Will heals through either experiencing self love OR requited love.

The likelyhood of this being a combination of the two is pretty high though. There's just not enough time to heal Will's heartbreak realistically. If that was the case, he would have been able to confess wholly in s4 and then accept himself once that's resolved. And THEN his 'final hero arc' would begin with his unrequited love already been addressed, while he stands up to the villain and regains his free will once and for all. Because somehow he's still being manipulated? Whether that's more symbolically than literally really depends imo.

Instead they set him up to a quite mixed heroic arc. I feel it's like David described it... Very Real. So if we wanna go for balance there's probably a continuation of the s3, s4 pattern of 'we have one bad fight, and then a 'make up' scene.' suffice to say i think the Bad Fight is gonna be their worst? But i think it will ultimately resolve itself along with the supernatural--whether literally or just symbolically.

and then the make up scene will be equally amplified.

then my most 'crack theory' in this sense would probably be the idea that Mike finds out Will is in love with him via the painting and learning THAT triggers Mike's breakdown. Something about his internalized homophobia really hurts. Like him saying. "It's my fault." accompanied by a 'its not my fault you don't like girls" flashback.

I'd love to know what you guys think about this! im also open to feedback or criticism so dont hold back <3

#byler analysis #byler evidence #byler #byler s4 #will x mike #byler proof #byler theory

[rxttenfish]

Now that you've answered the difficult one here's an interesting one: What about Miranda and Polly?

Shipping meme.

EXCELLENT, SOMETHING I CAN PROVIDE OPINIONS ON

this is! certainly a ship that i like a lot, but my relationship to it is a lot more fraught than some of my other miranda ships, for sure. it's one that i go back and forth on again and again, way less sure on how stable they'd be or how much this would work out in the long term.

in terms of positives - miranda and polly already get along very well! i always view the ROs as exceptionally close friends, and i think the friendship between miri and polly is much the same. polly chases experiences and good times, explores and pokes her fingers into anything she can reach just to say that she's done it, and miranda's a person who's also fundamentally curious, desperate to see and experience so many things that she's never been able to before and which come from an entirely different world to her, and so polly bringing miranda along feels natural. miranda's definitely more hesitant and less overt about experiencing things, often needing convincing or reassuring, but she wants her friends' approval and polly likes helping other people step outside of their comfort zones, especially when they just need a little encouragement.

polly loves leading other people to fun new experiences as much as she enjoys experiencing them herself, and she gets the feeling of being cool, mature, more experienced in a way with miri that fits very well with how polly is also an older sister, someone who just as much wants to be the cool older sibling that everyone can brag about. miranda, getting that positive reinforcement from polly and feeling like she's with someone she can safely experiment around and with, likewise makes her more confident in exploring new things and having new experiences, less hesitant and defensive when something new is presented to her.

the issue is that polly isn't always a good influence. polly has issues taking things seriously and this can mean she overlooks how uncomfortable miranda could be at any given moment and how much of her protests might be sincere, especially if something presents a unique danger to miranda that polly's less familiar with. polly's less confrontational, so she's less likely to call miranda out on something, at most providing smaller comments or leaving, neither or which would help miranda's reactiveness. i don't think anything polly has going on would prepare her to deal with the merkingdom and the crown, which would serve as a total blindside for her and, at worst, make her lash out at miranda in a lack of understanding for why miranda can't just not listen to the merkingdom. miranda's a character who very much needs commitment in the long term, and dedicated commitment at that, which is something that polly would have issues with and would want to shirk away from that much responsibility.

miranda, in comparison, would want to put polly up on a pedestal and imagine her as the coolest, the most fun, the best at navigating the land with all of its confusing social norms and culture and environment, and this means she would wholly miss whatever faults polly would have and be far too forgiving when it comes to polly's mistakes. at worst, miranda could very much end up believing that she deserves any hurt that polly accidentally causes, and this is an issue that doesn't have a good solution, since polly would want to avoid that confrontation and miranda would not even mention it at all, just assuming guilt and acting accordingly. neither of these characters are very good at talking about their feelings, and there's not really a catalyst to make them talk about their feelings to each other and to force them to open up.

ultimately, i see it as a fling, closer to something like friends with benefits. i often say that i see a lot of the ROs just passively dating each other at different times without making a big deal out of it, and this is one of those times. i could easily see them hooking up from time to time solely to enjoy themselves with each other, and then breaking it off with no hard feelings and going back to normal. not something long term, not something serious, just a good time dating friends.

#all the care guide says is 'biomass' #asks #monster prom #extrakerestrial #which! ngl is a ship dynamic i like all on its own! #fun to have on-again off-again ships with absolutely no hard feelings and who remain besties throughout it all #i just dont think theyre very equipped to deal with each others emotional and psychological issues more than that #miri needs someone who is willing to stay there long term and deal with very serious issues without becoming a pushover #and polly needs someone who wont force her to become someone she's not while providing someplace to relax without expectation

[empty-pizza]

thoughts on gideon the ninth chapter thirty-five

lmao that's rough gideon. i'd feel like shit if i did that to someone too, even if it's not actually a bad thing to do and not your fault.

okay, it was dulcinea who killed people. yeah, that's better than ianthe. sorry for jumping the gun and blaming ianthe, last chapter. i did realize she wasn't implying it was her who did the killing midway through, though.

i maintain that this still isn't wholly surprising — the sick one, the one you'd never suspect, did it? wow, exactly what i'd expect — and making it harrow could have been a really bold and interesting move, but it works.

ohhh, it wasn't dulcinea septimus. okay, i see. not following why abigail's interest in history made her a threat, but we can keep going. the details of who she is (someone from the same family) are a bit hard to follow, but okay — she kept the corpse around and burned it with protesilaus's.

okay. this person wanted to get the emperor to come back to the system and fuck with him. who are the Hands? and now she wants to get rid of the houses while he waits, and then do... something to him?

oh this is a lyctor, huh. interesting.

oh and palamedes is already killing her

did palamedes just blow himself up?

that's a shame. he was my favorite character.

damn she really did vomit up a lung.

Cytherea the First, huh. soon to be Cytherea the dead, I hope.

Okay. I'd appreciate if any of the people who have been commenting on my post could tell me the foreshadowing for Dulcinea being the murderer, and Dulcinea not being Dulcinea. By the way, I appreciate all of your comments a ton, even though I haven't been replying (because apparently tumblr doesn't let you reply with your sideblog and using my main while mentioning I'm OP just kinda seemed like a hassle).

From a mystery perspective, I don't love this answer. I want two things for a mystery answer: One, to feel like it ties together so many pieces of evidence and foreshadowing that I realize I should have realized it all along and feel dumb. Two, ideally, for it to expand my perception of what is even possible as answer, which is pretty rare. Something like Knives Out, that treats the entire role of culprit in a unique way.

This is why I got really hyped up for the Harrow theory; I feel like her plot role was one you'd never expect to be the culprit and thus it'd be mindblowing if it was. I think it being not-Dulcinea is considerably more... regular, as a thing for a mystery story to do. I mean, I kind of called it early on that it could very well be her, since it would cause the most emotional pain for Gideon. I don't get credit for being right, because when it came time for me to put my money where my mouth is, I didn't say it was her. But like I said earlier, the sick, unassuming character? Kind of becomes just plain old assuming.

But that's just my preferences and personal expectations being projected onto a book that didn't necessarily need to conform to my ideas, and it works narratively nonetheless. I mean, clearly it does. And I hope that knowing what the foreshadowing is will enhance my appreciation. Plus, I don't even know what she did to kill Jeannemary and Isaac yet! Hope that's interesting.

From an entirely different perspective, though, this reveal is awesome. I love stories that start as one thing, only to unfold into something much bigger and more complex. That's something I like even more than the answer to the mystery being something I never would have considered — when the direction of the plot itself is like that. This started as a story about a bunch of people solving puzzles in a facility, but Dulcinea actually being Cytherea, a Lyctor, suddenly thrusts this story into something WAY bigger. There are so many questions I don't even understand well enough to ask, about the Houses, the history here, the emperor, the hands, the Lyctors, everything that's going on! This is a huge game that's being played and I am seriously looking forward to all the insane things I'd never expect that the next book will likely do. The possibilities are genuinely endless in my mind, of what this story will even be about, and that's a feeling I love. That, more than anything else, is the best thing you could take in inspiration from Homestuck and Umineko.

I'll hopefully finish the book tomorrow, but I seriously need to sleep now.

#pizza reads locked tomb #the locked tomb #tlt

[desceros]

ESSAY TIME

Disclaimer: I am ignoring the original context of the song to reshape these lyrics for this AU lmao sorry 

Disclaimer again: I may have missed posts or just have incorrect views on the boys and their relationships with lamb-chan and with each other! If I get anything wrong I apologize! I am just a silly goose! 

Lyrics will be in italics, my thoughts in bold, I did not include the repeats of the chorus and such :)

-

One, two, three, one, two, three

One, two, three, one, two, three

One, two, three

[Not deep at all, but I like this opening because there are three of you. This is the basis of the entire AU, that both of them have to share you, they have to put up with each other if they want you. It’s not “just the two of us,” it is inherently three, and this repetition here of the one, two, three is reminiscent of that, and I love it.]

You know that he trusts you and I know that he loves you

But somehow you convinced me again

[These lyrics are SO Leo to me. Like, Leo knows you have this intense relationship with Donnie, that you and Donnie are so intertwined, Donnie trusts and cares for you so much, and Leo doesn’t know if you really see that Donnie is in love with you, but Leo does. Leo sees it. And he’s very possessive and he’s such a little shit about his time with you, but I can’t help feeling that a part of him would wonder why you would want him (Leo) when you have this other person (Donnie) who is so clearly and wholly devoted to you, but you keep coming back, you keep seeking Leo out, and you have somehow convinced him that… maybe he can have love and devotion and softness and openness, too.]

My foundation rumbles and all my morals crumble

[This lyric fits both boys. For Leo, he has built a certain way of living, a certain persona, a certain set of “morals” as a person. For Donnie, he has created this idea in his mind of how life is going to be. And now, they’re both suddenly… unsure about those respective things. Like, here you come, and now everything that was once so clear and true and obvious is just. Not.]

My father's warnings run through my head (one, two, three)

[I haven’t seen any posts about the boys’ interactions with Splinter so I’m not going to really say much except I’m sure that Splinter would have something to say about the whole situation (and again we’ve got the repetition of one two three that calls back to the nature of the relationship)]

Your heart's a vine that I've bled trying to climb

Yeah, you're making a ruin of me

[Love can be painful, and it can change you. Leo is being forced to soften and open up, while Donnie is being allowed to sink his teeth in. That’s scary and uncomfortable, and the things that you bring out of them go against how they have always seen themselves - thus you are “ruining” what they thought they were by showing them that’s not exactly true.]

Try to survive, keep my spirit alive

But like a knife in the woods

Yeah, you hunt down the good in me

[For Leo, lamb-chan is finding (hunting down) the good in him that he kept suppressed/didn’t know was there. For Donnie, the “good” in him is being destroyed (almost like it is being hunted and killed) because of him being allowed to give in to those thoughts and urges that he always deemed so dangerous/wrong. And they’re resistant to change (try to survive, keep my spirit alive) but there is nothing they can do about it in the end, because you and the change you bring are inevitable]

One temptation sparked this

Now I can feel the darkness

It's my own fault but you had this planned

[These lyrics evoke more of the same for Donnie, I think. The “temptation” is you, of being with you in that way, of letting himself feel and act a certain way with you. Letting that “darkness” (possession, jealousy, lust, etc.) start to creep in and take hold. Feeling like it’s his fault for letting this happen, but also knowing that you have a hand in this, too, and you’re making decisions that allow this from him and even encourage it.]

All of me, you take now, like criminals and shakedowns

[For Leo, this lyric fits him in sort of in a literal sense (you’re taking all of me, including my shady shit) but this lyric also sort of fits in a different, figurative sense (you take all of me as if you were shaking me down, as if you were stealing me away and I cannot stop it).]

Yeah, you make me forget who I am (one, two, three)

[For Leo, you make him forget who he feels like he is supposed to be (a bad guy), you allow him to forget about this hard persona that he’s crafted, you let him be someone softer and more open and more vulnerable than he ever dared to let himself be. For Donnie, you being with Leo starts to change him (or, more accurately, reveal him as who he really is rather than who he’s forced himself to be), and then when Donnie is allowed to be with you in a different way than he ever thought he would be, it’s, again, this feeling of forgetting who he is/letting that darkness take hold/restructuring how he views your relationship with him. And once again, you’ve got the repetition of one, two, three calling back to the nature of the relationship.]

All of your good is mine

All of your good is mine

All of your good is mine

All of your good is mine

[This is the only part of the song that is sung in a female voice rather than a male one, so to me this is lamb-chan saying to the boys “yes, you are good, and you are mine, and the things inside of you that I am revealing are also good and mine.]

If my brain wasn’t soup, this would be better. I’m sorry jfkdlsa;jfdskl;

duuuuuuude this was fuckin INSANE a+ in red pen at the top of your essay. consider having your brain be soup more often

#ask tag #blurple villain au #absolute fire no notes

[heavywithsecrets]

AM I IN OVER MY HEAD ?

last month or something or some time i did mushrooms with my best friend and we lay in bed together tripping for like seven hours i looked at him and it was like i had never seen him before my whole heart was overcome with this massive swelling feeling like a fucking entire monsoon like the moon's gravity bringing me to high tide and in that moment i had never loved anyone so wholly flesh and skin seemed like too much a separator between us and so i just lay there with my whole body and soul bared wishing we could just merge

after the fact, we talked a bit. i mean, i suppose i knew at the time, even in the throes of delirium. he didn't feel the same, and we've barely talked since then. it's not my fault really but like, is it though? am i stupid? i feel like im falling in love with fucking everybody nowadays. stupid fucking progesterone ill tell you what

#my art #traditional drawing #ink drawing #horror

[breitzbachbea]

SicIre for the ask game?

... And also Spamano, because I need to know your take on them.

Hehehehe hihihihi hohoho tank you dear!

SicIre

The first song in my SicIre playlist is "Jemand da draußen" by Broilers which is SUCH a beautiful soulmate song. Bc it is like "Maybe this works out for one night, maybe this works out for an entire lifetime, but someone is out there who feels the same as me, someone is out there who's supposed to meet me and create something wonderful from it and us. I'm ready for it." They are SO made for each other.

"Dying in each other's arms" is reserved for family, I think, like. I love their love and its importance, but I think either way that some bonds go even deeper and more instinctually so. Them dying in each other's arms wouldn't be as heartbreaking and feel as 'right' as some other combinations, both Hetaverse and LFLS.

I was torn between "blood and guts and cannibalism" and "they should get weirder with it", but I think we haven't hit the ceiling with them yet. I looove the weird Incorporation thing they got going on in LFLS (Michele, cannibal and son of the anthropophage supreme, always bites, always eats, but he is so fearful about biting Harry. He doesn't want to eat him. Harry however, who's at best an auto-cannibalist and doesn't really lend himself to meaty incorporation, wants Michele to rip chunks out of him. He wants to be wholly his). But we can do better.

Spamano

Themst ...

I love how they each see each other as a better person than themselves. Lovino feels like he is never enough, never 'right' and loves how kind and loving and optimistic Antonio is. And Antonio thinks he's living in his own dream world often, which can make him harsh and cruel and unrealistic about life. Lovino, to him, is realistic and strongwilled and so, so, so beautifully loving and responsible to those around him.

I also like how clearly, in canon, some of Romano's issues that Spain's love helps remedy are clearly Spain's fault LMAO. Always comparing him to Golden Child Feli is gonna give a man some issues.

I just looove what they do to each other. Antonio's 'I want to be a better person to be deserving of your love' and Lovino's 'I want to love myself more to not make a mockery of your love to me'.

But I could also always get weirder with them. However, maybe I just need to accept that not every ship can be Francetto or FrUK or even [cut part here for being too unrelated to the topic at hand].

#beareplies #yikes #sicire #spamano #hws #hetalia #aph #aph spain #hws spain #aph romano #hws romano #aph south italy #hws south italy #hetalia oc #aph ireland #hws ireland #aph sicily #hws sicily #storie nostre #miche #harry #tonio #lovi #spamano is just so nice and sweet and fluffy. sure not uncomplicated but I love their devotion #and sicire is SIMPLY MEANT TO BE

[drosera-nepenthes]

Spare: This Has Now Become Ridiculous.

I honestly didn’t really feel any kind of way about Meghan and Harry.  I don’t follow the modern royal family that closely in general. But now. Harry has now lost me. I think they have seriously overestimated how sympathetic the American public (lets be honest they don’t really care about the Brits) is towards them. At this point they are the driving for in the drama and if they really wanted to move on then they should stop whining and milking the situation for money and attention. It’s hard to feel that sorry for them and a feud they are full participants in, when milk costs $4, and I had to drive all over the state to find formula for my baby last spring.

So this is what I’ve gotten the leaks, and I’ve read all of them. 

1. Harry is a victim.

Nothing is ever his fault, someone else was always involved. He is always the victim. Charles is crappy parent, Camilla is the evil stepmother, William is jealous of everything he does. Everyone is just so mean to him and he never does anything wrong. The Nazi costume revelation is a prime example. It wasn’t entirely his fault, because somebody else told him to do it.

2. It feels very embellished.

Did he get into a physical fight with his brother? Maybe. It wouldn’t surprise me. Did it happen in the dramatic and one sided fashion he describes it? I doubt it. The scene described is something out of a soap opera or a bad melodrama. I also don’t buy that Meghan was not mad just ‘sad and disappointed’ that’s absolute bullshit concocted to make her seem like more sympathetic. If my brother-in-law assaulted my husband, I’d be pissed and rightfully so. I also don’t buy the pub sexscapade or that he visited a psychic to communicate with his dead mother as being wholly factual. 

3. Nobody asked.

There are two penis related revelations in this book. We also get to hear about his cocaine use, how he lost his virginity behind a pub, and that he watched Meghan’s Suits sex scenes. Nobody asked. Oversharing doesn’t make you more relatable. It just adds a layer of cringe.

Anyways. Heres hoping Harry and his frostbitten penis will now vanish into obscurity. And I will now go back to what I’m actually interested in. History.

#spare #prince harry #meghan markle #drama #british royal family #opinion #gossip #hot take

[feydfuckernation]

after seeing ash’s response to this post i want to talk for a second about the subject of elvis and impersonation vs portrayal.

elvis impersonators have been around almost as long as elvis himself, with the first impersonator being a man by the name of carl “cheesie” nelson from texarkana who, in 1954 who performed his own renditions of “that’s alright, mama” and “blue moon of kentucky,” and even got to perform onstage alongside elvis that same year. since then, elvis impersonators have been a staple of american pop culture—with a notable presence in las vegas specifically—but it’s not exclusive to america. simply put, ash is right; elvis is one of, if not THE most impersonated pop culture icon in american—and rock n’ roll—history.

there are a few notable portrayals of elvis onscreen: elvis (1979) directed by john carpenter (often touted as the best portrayal of elvis), elvis and nixon (2016), more of a comedy film above all else but still one of the more notable portrayals of elvis in recent years, bubba ho-tep (2002) starring bruce campbell as elvis, the elvis miniseries from 2005 starring jonathan rhys meyers (who bears an uncanny resemblance to elvis) and of course the most recent film starring austin butler, just to name a few. this is not a comprehensive list by any means, but are (to me) the most notable attempts at bringing elvis to the small and silver screen respectively. i can’t speak to every portrayal of elvis ever that exists in media (and i haven’t seen elvis and nixon in a very long time) but i can speak to austin butler, kurt russell and jonathan rhys meyer’s portrayals in particular when it comes to just the performance aspect of elvis, which is where immitation vs portrayal really comes into play for me.

JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS

by all accounts and purposes, jonathan rhys meyers was practically tailor made to play elvis presley

i mean honestly.

unfortunately i made the mistake of watching the miniseries after i had already seen austin butler’s performance and it was. not good lmao. i think for the time it was quite good, but it very much comes across as someone trying to imitate elvis versus actually inhabiting him as a person and making him come alive (also as an aside i know we tend to clown on tom hanks for his portrayal of the colonel because of how he sounds but at least he’s not boring lmao. if randy quaid’s version is more accurate then this is really gonna bite me in the ass but my god no one can ever accuse tom hanks of being boring in elvis 2022), particularly when he’s dancing. there was such a fluidity to the way elvis moved and it comes off very disjointed by comparison.

KURT RUSSELL

i want to preface this with the fact that i haven’t seen all of john carpenter’s elvis film, but what i have seen is significantly better than elvis the miniseries, and at a time when kurt russell wasn’t particularly well known. for a lot of people this is their favourite portrayal of elvis onscreen, and i can certainly see why. while kurt russell doesn’t look as much like elvis as jonathan rhys meyers does, he also doesn’t come across like another cheap imitator, but he also doesn’t fully inhabit elvis the way austin does (to me) and it does break my immersion a little bit. there are times where his portrayal feels a little overexaggerated, but again, not quite as bad as jonathan rhys meyer’s portrayal (which isn’t wholly his fault. bad direction is 100% a thing and i happen to like jonathan rhys meyers as an actor. i think for a number of reasons things just weren’t clicking very well, and that’s not entirely his fault).

AUSTIN BUTLER

the moment i’ve all been waiting for

much like kurt russell (and even michael shannon in elvis and nixon) austin butler is not someone who wholly resembles elvis compared to jonathan rhys meyers. what he DOES do, however, is make up for it with literally everything else. i’m not going to say that an actor doing their own singing is the sole marker for whether or not their portrayal has any real merit, but it DOES make it more impressive when compared to other actors who didn’t or weren’t able to, and that’s not their fault! there are certain artists that are very iconic and not easily imitated (see: freddy mercury). even austin butler didn’t do all his own singing in elvis once they started to transition into the later years where elvis’ own voice was a lot stronger and a lot richer and a lot harder to imitate than it was in his earlier years. but it’s not just about whether or not austin butler could do his own singing. it’s about the fact that, of the three most recent musical biopics—bohemian rhapsody, rocketman and elvis—at the end of the day, elvis is a much more complicated figure to portray in lieu of how regularly impersonated and oversimplified he is by comparison. to portray elvis with any degree of honesty is very, very complicated. elvis (2022) in general was uniquely poised to fail; a highly complicated subject paired with a relatively unknown actor (when compared to someone like rami malek or taron egerton) all riding on an 85 million dollar budget? the fact that this movie DIDN’T crash and burn is a miracle. even people who didn’t particularly like elvis (2022) generally have something good to say about austin butler’s portrayal of elvis, which isn’t usual for a film that can be as polarizing as this one (largely due to the fact that baz lurhman is somewhat of a controversial filmmaker due to his very maximalist style), and i think a lot of that is because austin found a way in as an actor to dismantle the almost godlike mythology surrounding elvis and relate to him as a person (austin’s mother also died when he was around the same age as elvis) in addition to all the hard work he put into studying the man for the better part of two years. there is an earnestness and an authenticity to his performance that is so captivating and it makes you root from him in a way that is so counterintuitive considering elvis died when he was only 42 years old.

essentially what i’m trying to say is that, at the end of the day, elvis (2022) should not have worked, and i’m not going to say the only reason it did is because of austin butler, but austin butler IS part of why this film DID work, and, like ash said, it made me care about who elvis was as a person. a figure that, for my entire life, was relegated to That Dude From Lilo And Stitch and a secondary figure that i just assumed my dad really liked growing up with a few songs i liked, and not much else. this movie doesn’t get everything right, in part because it doesn’t cover absolutely everything in elvis’ life and in part because musical biopics are just kind of like that (and, to be fair, i can excuse this one a little bit given how subjective it is when you consider the fact that this film is almost exclusively from the colonel’s point of view), but it made me care. i care about who elvis was and what he did and what he went through. it made me want to learn more about who he was and at times it broke my heart even more than the film already did. what austin did, over two years of very, VERY hard work, was not just an imitation of elvis. it was a portrayal. it was real. it was genuine. it felt lived in. there was an authenticity to what he did that simply isn’t there for any other portrayal i’ve seen thus far. he deserves every single accolade he gets and i hope the presley estate can finally rest knowing someone did their loved one justice.

(credit to @troubleinapinksuit​ for sharing your thoughts 💕 i agree with every word you said)

#lion.txt #meta tag ig #??????? idk what else to tag it as other than meta lmao #austin butler #elvis 2022 #elvis presley #didn't proofread this because it's 2am so if you see me barely holding onto my thesis or answering any questions...mind ur business #fsldkjfds #anyway i'm tired i'm going to bed #feel free to hmu abt this or smthn idk #troubleinapinksuit #ty again ash for sharing ur thoughts #ilu

[robininthelabyrinth]

Relentless - chapter 13 - ao3

“Are you actually swearing off love?” Wen Ruohan asked Lao Nie.

They were all seated around the table in Wen Ruohan’s private study – not the one he generally used to deal with matters relating to his inner sect, but rather the one he retreated to when he truly wished for complete silence and uninterrupted privacy. It was a rather small room, and far messier than any of his public rooms. There were piles of papers and books everywhere, tossed aside casually and left to sit in place; it was quite evidently a place where servants weren’t allowed to come. Even the tea and snacks they were currently consuming had only been brought as far as the door; Lao Nie, more familiar with this place than Lan Qiren, had gone to fetch them and bring them in himself.

“I am,” Lao Nie said, sounding regretful. “Wholly and entirely, at least for now. Apparently, I lost the privilege on account of abusing it.”

“Why can’t your sect do that?” Wen Ruohan asked Lan Qiren, who pointedly ignored him. “On second thought, never mind. In this one instance, it’s accruing to my benefit…”

“Oh ho,” Lao Nie said, leaning forward, eyes avid as a fishwife looking to gather gossip at the marketplace. “Is it? How so? Qiren, is there something you need to tell me?”

“I thought we were discussing my kidnapping,” Lan Qiren said, flustered. “You were fighting about it mere moments ago!”

“An entire stick of incense ago, Qiren, please, keep up! Tell me everything. Do you have a crush?”

“He told me he likes me,” Wen Ruohan boasted.

“I’m liking you less and less every moment,” Lan Qiren informed Wen Ruohan even as Lao Nie burst into spontaneous applause. “Lao Nie, stop that this instant.”

“But that’s wonderful! You’ve wanted to fall in love for so long! You’ve always been so worried that you’d never love anything but your sect and your nephews –”

“That’s private!”

“If it were really private, you wouldn’t have told me, I’m a notorious blabbermouth,” Lao Nie said, and he was right, damn him. “No, truly, I’m delighted to hear it. Good for you, Qiren.”

“Are you not in the slightest bit upset that I chose your lover as the target of my affections?” Lan Qiren glanced at Wen Ruohan a little warily, although he did not seem as annoyed as Lan Qiren might have expected. “Lao Nie, don’t speak of such things so lightly. It might lead people to think your feelings are shallow.”

Lao Nie frowned at him. “Two of the most attractive people I know and like might get together. Why should I be upset? For the aesthetic value alone it would be worth it.”

Lan Qiren pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting.

“I don’t think Lao Nie is familiar with the feeling of jealousy,” Wen Ruohan said. He, at least, looked more amused than upset. “Not even in the theoretical sense, where he can understand and sympathize with what we mere mortals experience. I understand your difficulty with it, Qiren; it is not a issue that you share.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever not been jealous a day in my life,” Lan Qiren agreed. “It is one of my faults.”

Wen Ruohan reached out and put his hand on Lan Qiren’s arm. “Mine as well.”

“I think everyone knows that, Hanhan,” Lao Nie said cheerfully. “All good things under the sun ought to belong to you – isn’t that the Wen sect’s unofficial motto?”

Wen Ruohan smirked.

Lao Nie laughed, and Lan Qiren huffed. It felt bizarrely normal for it to be the three of them, together – as if they’d just finished some discussion conference or another, with Jiang Fengmian and Jin Guangshan off chatting somewhere or else having already gone about their own business, as if Lan Qiren hadn’t been kidnapped after some terrible party due entirely to Wen Ruohan’s anger at his missing lover, as if the cultivation world weren’t currently upside down and in a terrible frenzy.

“What is it between you two, anyway?” he asked, a little plaintive – though whether for his lack of understanding or nostalgia for those uncomplicated days, he didn’t know. It was still Wen Ruohan’s fault that everything had changed, and he was still upset about it, politics aside, but things had gotten complicated now and it was all his fault, for once. “I know that you are lovers, but…what does that mean for you?”

“We have fun,” Lao Nie said, right at the same time Wen Ruohan said, “He’s mine.”

Lan Qiren watched as the two of them exchanged sharp looks.

“Hanhan,” Lao Nie finally said. “You know I’m not – anyone’s. It’s not in my nature to be any single constant thing for anyone, not anything other than Jiwei’s master.”

Wen Ruohan’s face did something strange, seeming to pass momentarily through rage and then settle back into resignation shortly thereafter. “Your saber’s master and your children’s father, I suppose.”

Lao Nie scrubbed the back of his head. “Not even that,” he said, and now both Wen Ruohan and Lan Qiren look at him questioningly. “I forget, sometimes. You know how it is.”

“…not really,” Wen Ruohan said, and then he looked at Lan Qiren as if wondering if he understood.

“Most certainly not,” Lan Qiren said, a little offended. “At no point in my life do I forget that I am my nephew’s guardian. They are the utmost priority for me.”

“What, even over your sect? Or yourself?” Lao Nie asked, seeming genuinely curious.

“Naturally,” Lan Qiren said. “The sect is for them, not the other way around. I, like all elders, am merely a caretaker. Is it not the same for you? Wen Ruohan?”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Wen Ruohan said, because of course he did. The man thought he might become an immortal divinity one day. “At the same time, my sons are extensions of myself, and I care for them. Assuming that I had not already gone completely mad, the loss of my sons would strike a deep blow, even a shattering one, and that knowledge is always with me.”

“Lao Nie?”

“Naturally I love both my sons with as much of my heart as I can spare,” Lao Nie said. “Yet I suppose I am innately selfish, and always have been. If you put the question to me, me or them, I should hope I do the right thing, but sometimes, well, I wonder…”

Lan Qiren was about to start scolding when Wen Ruohan raised a hand, frowning. “What about if it were your Jiwei?” he asked, suddenly far more intent than he had been before. “Say – your eldest son or your saber, if you had to choose.”

“Oh, come now, that’s unfair!” Lao Nie protested.

“Lao Nie,” Lan Qiren exclaimed.

“Oh, hey, don’t look at me like that! I didn’t say I’d pick Jiwei!”

“The fact that you even hesitated –”

“Someone told me that,” Wen Ruohan said, and Lan Qiren and Lao Nie left off their fighting to turn to look at him. Wen Ruohan was looking genuinely perturbed, which was highly uncharacteristic of him. “I don’t remember who, but someone – told me.”

“What are you talking about?” Lao Nie asked, puzzled. “It’s only a question you raised now, isn’t it?”

“No. It’s –” Wen Ruohan pressed his lips together, and his hands clenched into fists. He didn’t continue, only look down at the table as if it had personally offended him.

Lan Qiren thought about it, then frowned. “It’s the party, isn’t it?”

“The – what?”

“That awful party you didn’t come to, Lao Nie,” Lan Qiren clarified. “The one where he was showing off that new saber of his, the one that someone-or-another was saying was as good as your Jiwei…why didn’t you come, anyway? Even if you’re sworn off love – or lovers, if that’s more accurate – you probably should have still attended in your role as Sect Leader Nie. I was of course happy to go in your place to convey your regrets, but despite it, it was still something of a surprise that you missed it.”

“Oh, that,” Lao Nie said, and scratched at his nose. “I suppose I could give you any dozen excuses or so – Huaisang ate something that upset his stomach, so he was acting as if he were dying. Normally I don’t pay any attention to such things, he does that every time he’s so much as about to break a nail, but it makes Mingjue anxious, and I was – ah – oh, whatever. It’s none of those. To be perfectly honest, I was sulking. Rampantly.”

Lan Qiren was developing a headache again. “Because you weren’t allowed to bed a lizard?”

“…I have questions,” Lao Nie said, putting his hand over his eyes. “I don’t think I want answers. No, I was sulking because it seemed rather rude for my entire sect to gang up on me like that, and also because I didn’t want to explain to my darling Hanhan that we needed to put a stop to our little games because otherwise Mingjue would be disappointed in me.”

“You malingered because of that?”

“Qiren, if it had a good reason, it wouldn’t be malingering, now, would it?”

Lan Qiren decided to ignore the ridiculous man. He turned back to a brooding Wen Ruohan. “Let me see if I understand this correctly,” he said. “From your perception, Lao Nie simply disappeared on you, failed to respond to your letters, and while you were worrying about that, someone told you that Lao Nie prized his saber over all other things, including you, and would pick his saber over you every time. You became angry and decided to hold a party as an excuse to force him to come make amends and prove you wrong about the depths of his affection.”

“Wait,” Lao Nie said. “What was that about letters? What letters?”

“What I don’t understand is why it has upset you so much,” Lan Qiren continued. “Surely you’ve known Lao Nie long enough to stop expecting him to behave like a human being.”

“Hey!”

“I was angry,” Wen Ruohan said, also ignoring Lao Nie. “I was – very, very angry. And when I am so angry, I make mistakes. I have made – terrible mistakes.”

My brother died cursing my name, thinking I hated him, Lan Qiren suddenly recalled Wen Ruohan saying. And also – in a library no one but Wen Ruohan could visit, from a dark cell no one else could go – you blame yourself but it was all my fault.

I swear to you that I never meant to kill them.

Lao Nie had gone still, Lan Qiren noticed. It was the same thing he did on night-hunts when he sensed something dangerous in the vicinity, when the amiable cheerfulness of his abruptly fell off and there was only the instincts of a predator left, a beast with eyes of steel.

Not good.

“What sort of mistake could you make at a party?” Lan Qiren asked with a scoff, trying to divert the tone of the conversation. “Admittedly, I will grant you that that party was itself a mistake. It was, to be clear, an absolute mess of an event, I’ve never seen such bad hosting. But you would be before a crowd, amidst your fellow peers – how much damage could you do?”

Wen Ruohan was still staring down at the table and for a long moment, he did not respond to Lan Qiren at all. Just when Lan Qiren was about to follow up with a question, he abruptly reached out and tapped one corner of the table firmly with two fingers.

It was such a purposeful motion, full of intent and even an aura of intimidation, that Lan Qiren found himself expecting something big, and being disappointed when nothing happened.

He glanced at Lao Nie, wondering if the other man understood, but Lao Nie was frowning, clearly just as puzzled as he was.

“This table was made from oak and iron,” Wen Ruohan said. “The design is very clever, taking the firmest aspects of each and weaving them together to support the other’s weakness. Because of that, it has weathered many storms with me, a steadfast companion to my fits of temper and madness.”

He was silent for a moment more. And then –

“In six months, it will shatter.”

“A delayed impact?” Lao Nie asked, raising his eyebrows. “Oh, that is clever.”

“It is diabolical,” Lan Qiren said sharply. “An assassin’s tool, nothing more. And what would you have turned it on, in your anger? Another sect leader? Your own lover?” A terrible thought struck him. “Your perceived competition?”

Wen Ruohan said nothing. Lao Nie, who was usually right there alongside him in wickedness, took an extra moment to understand what Lan Qiren meant, and when he did, he recoiled viscerally.

“My saber?” he exclaimed, genuinely aghast. “Hanhan, no! Don’t you know what that would mean?”

“I know you Nie sect cultivate your sabers too closely,” Wen Ruohan said, frowning at him. “You have poured too much of your effort into cultivating with Jiwei, in truth. I have no doubt that it would damage you greatly to have to start again with a new one. Your cultivation would likely fall several levels from the backlash…”

“No, Hanhan,” Lao Nie interrupted. “No, you don’t – you don’t understand. You’ve been through a number of swords, having lost them or broken them or otherwise. But I’ve only ever had Jiwei, ever since I first raised her. Only Jiwei, and none other.”

“I know that! You’re so absurdly overprotective –”

“Not me. She wouldn’t have allowed it.”

Wen Ruohan fell silent.

“You’re both orthodox sword cultivators,” Lao Nie said. “Neither of you would understand the joy and despair of your spiritual weapon being – being more than a spiritual weapon.”

“Lao Nie,” Lan Qiren said, trying to keep his calm. “Exactly…how much more? You haven’t done anything – anything rash, have you?”

“Not rash, no,” Lao Nie said, his voice very mild. “Rash implies an act of impulse, not deliberate action. You don’t get the sort of soul-bond that Jiwei and I have without a lifetime’s worth of effort.”

Do not succumb to rage shattered into a thousand pieces at once.

“What is wrong with you?!” Lan Qiren bellowed, slamming his hand down on the table. “You can’t – why the world would you bind your spiritual weapon to your soul?! What happens if she breaks?”

“Sabers don’t break nearly as easily as your piddly little swords do.” Lao Nie reached out to touch the saber that he’d placed on the stand near the door with a fond smile. “My Jiwei wouldn’t break that easily.”

“But what would happen if she did?” Lan Qiren wanted to know. “If you’ve built her into your cultivation cycle at that deep a level, you wouldn’t be able to cultivate without her. Your meridians would process spiritual energy without direction, a one-way transfer, your golden core would bleed out qi, and you yourself would – you would –”

“Die of a qi deviation,” Lao Nie said, nodding in agreement as if Lan Qiren had only remarked casually about the weather. “As my father and my forefathers before him did. It’s my destined end regardless, Qiren. Why would I give up the pleasures of life as it is now simply because of what will happen then?”

Lan Qiren had absolutely no idea what to do with such a blatantly hedonistic view of life. He turned to Wen Ruohan for assistance, only to find that Wen Ruohan was staring at Lao Nie as if he’d never seen him before, pale as a ghost.

“…Wen Ruohan?”

“It’s for power,” Wen Ruohan said flatly, not moving his eyes. “The Nie sect is – incredibly powerful, on a personal level, and the main line clan even more than most. That damn motto of yours, fight evil no matter where it is; that’s where it comes from, doesn’t it? You need power to fight evil, and cultivating your sabers in unorthodox ways gives you the power you need…is your Jiwei a genuine spirit in her own right? Does she feed on resentful energy in night-hunts?”

“Impossible,” Lan Qiren denied. “That’s demonic cultivation!”

“It’s only demonic cultivation if you defile human bodies or souls,” Lao Nie corrected. “We’re a butcher’s sect – we use yao.”

“But…!”

“It’s within the boundaries of traditional orthodoxy, if at the very edges of it,” Lao Nie said, and damn him, he was right. Lan Qiren’s own ancestors had certainly played around with similar highly questionable things while clarifying their own understanding of the limits of orthodox sword and music cultivation. Lan Qiren scowled.

“I don’t give one damn about orthodoxy,” Wen Ruohan said before Lan Qiren could say anything. “What I care about is that you’ve bound your soul to a piece of steel, and I nearly shattered it.”

That got Lao Nie to shut up.

“You would have died, yes,” Wen Ruohan said, and his tone was harsh. “Just as your ancestors all did. But how long would it have taken you? How long would your high cultivation have kept you alive, breathing and moving but no longer yourself? How much damage would you bring to your sect before the end finally came? Who would – would have to watch as you – as you – A qi deviation breaks your mind before it kills you, Lao Nie! Do you know how many you could have hurt? You could have murdered your own sons at one moment, and then become aware enough to realize what you’d done the next.”

“I would never do a thing like that!”

“Wouldn’t you?” Wen Ruohan said. “Do you even know what it’s like when someone has a cultivation system dependent on something that breaks after the body has already become accustomed to it? Have you ever seen someone’s meridians shattering one after the other, their qi twisting into snarls and knots within them – their mind decaying within their body, their spirit rotting away even as their body lives on with all the strength and power that it ever had?”

“Have you?” Lan Qiren wanted to know. That description was – horrifying, and far too specific to be simply theoretical.

“Yes,” Wen Ruohan said, his voice as lifeless as the dead, rasping and cracking like the burning of joss paper. “Yes. I have. It is the most unkind death I could ever imagine.”

You blame yourself but it was all my fault.

A cell locked away from the light where no one could see.

I swear to you I didn’t mean to kill them.

A bookcase filled with all sorts of words, kept only for Wen Ruohan himself.

Throw my bones to the Burial Mounds, my heart, for only the ravens’ beaks can pick me clean again.

“Was that how your wife died?” Lan Qiren found himself asking, even though he’d promised himself not to mention it. “The first one. The one that was locked away in that cell.”

Lao Nie’s eyes went wide – he didn’t know about the cell, of course, because Wen Ruohan had never been angry enough to throw him in there the way he had with Lan Qiren, when Lan Qiren had defied him in his moment of temper, a rage so blinding that he had to lash out at someone and hurt them because he couldn’t hurt the one he wanted to hurt.

Wen Ruohan was silent for a long while.

Eventually, he spoke once more, his voice dull and hollow: “I created an array that would release a person from the tethers of their inborn talent and allow them to fly up to touch the sun. It would have made ordinary men into geniuses, and let geniuses break beyond the boundary of cultivation that we now know – to touch the very edge of the divine. To defy death and truly enter immortality, as our long-ago ancestors were said to have done. It was the finest thing I ever made…and the worst.”

“What happened?”

“My wife was not as talented as I. I was full of arrogance. Although the array wasn’t fully ready, although I did not know all the consequences of using it or misusing it, I bragged to her about this wonderful thing that I made. I did not consider how she might try to take it for herself – she was getting older and I wasn’t; I was too powerful, too talented, and she knew that I wanted to be a god. I had never demanded fidelity of her, nor she of me, and when she picked a lover that I disapproved of, I banished him, I threatened to divorce her, more out of a fit of temper than anything else. She took it too seriously – she feared that I had tired of her simply because she did not have the power that I did. She looked at my array and thought she saw the answer.”

“She tried it out?” Lao Nie asked.

“She stole it. I took no precautions against her – she was my wife. After my brother died, I thought that the lesson I needed to learn was that I needed to trust more, and I did; I chose to trust her. See where that got me, in the end! She took it and she used it. She touched the face of the sun, and it burned her. She went mad.” He pursed his lips. “The array worked, but not completely, granting power and talent…but not permanently, only when the array was actually in use, and no array can be maintained forever. She became obsessed with it, addicted to it, even as she came back less and less whole after each time she used it. She tried it again and again, burning herself again and again; it never worked, it was never enough. She even…the array requires blood to work. It’s meant to be your own blood, but somehow she got it into her head that she had failed to manifest the permanent effect only because she hadn’t spilled enough of it. First she killed her servants, but when that didn’t work, she thought perhaps the mistake was that the blood was not her own…or…not near enough to her own…”

I swear to you I didn’t mean to kill them. You blame yourself but it was all my fault.

“Your children?” Lan Qiren asked, his voice as neutral as he could make it.

“Two boys, as is right and proper, an heir and a spare, and two little girls besides that to dote upon,” Wen Ruohan said. “She gave me what I married her for. She gave me power and children and even love – perhaps not romantic love in the way it usually is, but I cared for her, I trusted her. She gave me all that she could give, and in return I gave her a terrible death. And she, in turn…took away what she had given me.”

He smiled mirthlessly, that dead smile that was so common in his fits of temper – with dead and hollow eyes, an echoing emptiness.

“I destroyed the array after that, of course, along with all records of its creation. But in doing so, I destroyed her, as well – she’d grown dependent on it to the point that she could no longer cultivate as she had once done. Her madness became complete, irreversible, a steady decline towards death that was painfully slow…she forgot, after, sometimes. What she’d done. Quite often, even – she’d go half a month thinking that our children were just out of sight, complaining to me that they wouldn’t come visit their dear mother, unfilial creatures that they were, saying that even if she understood she needed to be locked away that they should still make an effort on her behalf. And then she’d remember. Time and time again, she would remember what she’d done.”

Throw my bones to the Burial Mounds, my heart, for only the ravens’ beaks can pick me clean again.

Lan Qiren shivered.

“But it didn’t happen,” he said, and when Wen Ruohan turned his head to him, confused, he clarified, “This time. You can’t beat yourself up about what might have happened if you’d actually shattered Lao Nie’s saber –”

Wen Ruohan would have lost his mind for good if he’d done that, that much was clear. He would probably have gone back to that horrible path of clarity, said to purge all feelings both good and evil, that Lao Nie had so barely dissuaded him from years ago, and he would have become little more than a lifeless living corpse, capable of nothing but carrying out the ambitions he had set himself to before. He wouldn’t have cared about anything after that, anything and anyone, not his sect, not even his own sons. He would have turned to his Fire Palace and his armies, tools that he could use but which could not hurt him, and he would have become a true scourge onto the cultivation world.

There would have been nothing left of the man he’d once been.

“– because it didn’t. And now that you know what would happen, it won’t. Right?”

“Of course not,” Wen Ruohan said at once.

“Not least of which because now that I know about the potential issue, I’ll know to protect against it,” Lao Nie said. “You’re not wrong that it’s a weakness, and a potent one. Certainly if I’m doomed to die in rage, I’d far rather that it be at the natural end of my life, rather than as the victim of some murder. Certainly poor Hanhan’s murder. Doesn’t he have enough blood on his hands? Who am I to add to it?”

“…you are a ridiculous man and that is not even slightly how that works,” Lan Qiren told him, then looked back at Wen Ruohan. “I have a question. It may be impertinent.”

“Oh, now you think you might be impertinent?” Wen Ruohan said. “Now?!”

Lan Qiren flushed.

“Has little Qiren been impertinent?” Lao Nie asked, sounding vastly entertained. “Oh, Hanhan, you must tell me everything. He’s usually so well behaved!”

“Only until you push him. He’s got quite a temper, actually.”

“Little Qiren! Really? How charming! Why have you never let me see it?”

“Lao Nie, do you take anything seriously?” Lan Qiren asked, exasperated.

“No,” Lao Nie said promptly, completely shameless. “Not a single thing, as far as I can manage.”

Useless ridiculous man. A good friend, but…truly ridiculous.

“I’ll tell you all about it later,” Wen Ruohan told Lao Nie, and as much as Lan Qiren longed to throw something at both of them he had to admit that it was good to see Wen Ruohan’s complexion start to return to normal after how pale he’d been. Lao Nie’s ridiculousness was distracting Wen Ruohan from his pain, as it always did…really, in retrospect, it was no surprise that Lao Nie had managed to take Wen Ruohan to his bed and keep him there, even going so far as to make him feel possessiveness and jealousy; no one could manage Wen Ruohan’s temper nearly as well as he did, making it seem almost effortless. “In the meantime, Qiren, what is your question?”

“You said someone told you about Lao Nie preferring his saber above all else,” Lan Qiren said. “Incorrectly and without all the facts, but enough to incite you to rage. This is not dissimilar from what happened between us just recently, when someone told you about my brother in such a way as to cause you to be angry at me. Even the situation with Lao Nie not receiving your letters properly…I have to ask. Is there anyone who knows about your sore spots?”

“Are you suggesting that someone is doing this on purpose?” Wen Ruohan asked, his eyes narrowing. “That someone is – what – trying to make me angry –”

“It’s not a bad ploy, actually, if you think about it a bit,” Lao Nie said thoughtfully. “Take it from an expert on the subject of rage… You said it yourself, Hanhan. You make terrible mistakes when you’re angry. You stop paying attention, you rush too quickly, too impetuously; you lash out, you’re violent, you do things you wouldn’t normally do, take actions you later want to take back…if someone wanted you to trip up badly, tricking you into killing those you care about isn’t the worst way to do it.”

“Even just seeing them die, or having them turn against you,” Lan Qiren said, thinking about it. His nephews had come to him too readily that evening, too quickly – even if he himself survived the explosion, which was not unlikely given his high cultivation, he would have lost his mind if they had come to harm. He would have blamed Wen Ruohan for not having done more to protect them. “That explosion, remember –”

“Wait,” Lao Nie said. “What explosion?”

“Someone tried to kill me, but it isn’t important –”

“Not important?!”

“It’s not! Wen Ruohan has already ordered an investigation.”

“Hanhan, what the fuck. This is the Nightless City, your own backyard! How are people launching assassination attempts without your knowledge?!”

“It’s a large city,” Wen Ruohan protested. “I can’t control everything everyone does while they’re here. And most of the time I don’t care, either. It’s rare that they’re trying to kill people I actually like.”

Lan Qiren was not going to start scolding, as it would be inappropriate for him to interfere in another sect’s inner business like that, but it was starting to be physically painful to restrain himself.

“…which is of course something I will be taking steps to correct immediately,” Wen Ruohan added, and Lao Nie covered his face with his hand in a way that completely failed to hide his gigantic shit-eating grin. “Naturally no one should be getting assassinated at random, as a matter of principle and good order, regardless of how much or little regard I have for them.”

Lan Qiren looked at the two of them suspiciously.

“We can hear your teeth grinding,” Lao Nie explained. “Your face is also turning very red.”

“If he breaks ‘do not succumb to rage’ enough times, he’ll order himself to be beaten,” Wen Ruohan told Lao Nie. “I’m hoping to get in on that. I’ve ordered no one else to assist so that he’ll have to ask me.”

“Can we get back to the subject at hand?” Lan Qiren asked, throwing his hands into the air and pointedly ignoring the intrigued noise Lao Nie made. Was everyone he liked depraved? Should he have looked more thoroughly at Cangse Sanren back when she’d been alive, too? “Namely, the fact that someone is trying to kill me and Lao Nie, and drive Wen Ruohan insane? That subject? Which seems relevant to all our lives? Or do we want to just keep talking about sex?”

“…would you talk about sex?” Lao Nie wondered. “If we decided that was the subject?”

“I will read you a spring book as a bedtime story if that is what you truly desire, but that is not what’s important right now.”

“I’m so incredibly tempted to pick the sex option here,” Lao Nie said. “Sorry, Qiren, it’s clearly a once in a lifetime opportunity. Hanhan, you with me?”

“No.” Wen Ruohan held up his hands against Lao Nie’s betrayed look. “He said he’d consider sucking my cock. I don’t want to risk jeopardizing that.”

“Oh, well, fair enough. You were always a long-term benefit over short term gain sort of person.”

Lan Qiren was considering pulling out his guqin again, or maybe his sword.

Or possibly just strangling them both with his bare hands –

“Anyway, since I’ve been outvoted, let’s proceed with talking about the person who wants to kill us before Qiren explodes and does the job for them,” Lao Nie said, clearing his throat a few times as if it could hide the way he clearly wanted to start laughing. “Hanhan, what do you think of Qiren’s idea?”

“The notion of a deliberate campaign of provocation sounds plausible, as much as I hate to admit it.” Wen Ruohan’s eyes glittered. “When I find out who dared…”

“Yes, yes, Fire Palace, slow and painful death, we all know,” Lan Qiren snapped, still riled. “Can we skip the threats and focus on the preliminary part where we figure out who it is? I don’t want to risk something happening to my nephews or to your sons and wards, who are my students.”

“And…?”

“And you two can take care of yourselves.”

Lao Nie started laughing, and Wen Ruohan smirked.

#mdzs #wen ruohan #lan qiren #sect leader nie #my fic #my fics #relentless

[ryker-writes]

Hi hi Ryker! First off; congrats on the milestone! Also make sure you give yourself some breaks, drink plenty of water, and touch some grass.

~ The information ~

Name: Dove (feeling silly, wanted to include it)

Likes: Autumn (weather, atmosphere, food, clothing), cats, sharks, crocodilians, snakes, antiques/vintage items (I have a few), cleaning, the colour green, funky earrings, cursive handwriting, bodies of water, old-growth forests, bumble bees, chunky knit blankets, the smell of cinnamon, candles, fossils/cool rocks in general, comfy clothes BUT they're also professional, queer culture.

Dislikes: People who don't clean up after themselves in main living areas (I don't care if it's their bedroom, just pick up your stuff p l e a s e). Crowds. Putting my hands in water while washing dishes (sensory thing, I wear gloves). Yelling, sudden loud sounds in general actually. HEIGHTS, terrified of heights. Not having my work recognized (like chores, the effort I put into IRL tasks). Really hot & humid weather... and also winter. Oh, also I hate bigots.

Hobbies: Writing, reading, knitting, crocheting (new hobby right there), collecting (rocks, glass jars, pens, notebooks, cool knick-knacks, some cursed items in that they give people psychic damage), nature walks, swimming, making funky earrings, bugging moots on the internet, cleaning (just not my room x-x), cooking (average cook, but I enjoy it), tarot, learning about stuff (mainly nature related, but also art history and history in general), listening to music, singing, dancing

Physical & Personality Preferences: I don't care about physical appearance, as long as they are happy in their own skin and being themself, that is enough. As for personality? Someone honest, as I have a hard time detecting lies. Comfortable being wholly themself and taking up space. Who is both comfortable giving and receiving support.

Love Languages: I tend to give quality time, acts of service, and parallel play. Receiving? Quality time & parallel play (physical touch is iffy, but probably in there as well)

Other Fun Stuff IG:

I'm 166 cm tall (in case there's a height difference).

A chronic older sibling who forgets to reach out for help/support (I'm working on it).

My aesthetic or vibe has been described as cottage-core, and you know what, I'll take it. I dress more dark academia, splashed in with some art hoe though ^v^

I know my entire natal chart, but I'll just share my big 3; Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon (Moon in 12th House), Scorpio Rising (Mars & Pluto in 1st House)

Personality: I tend to be honest to a fault, and blunt; I like getting to the point and making sure that I am understood. At first, I'm friendly and a bit aloof when getting to know people, but I become warmer as I get comfortable with people and can chat your ear off if you allow me to infodump about a shared interest (I once spent a 2-hour bus ride talking non-stop about Pleistocene mammals). I have been called an encyclopedia with the amount of stuff I know and IDK why my brain remembers the stuff it does. (based on my IRL personality)

Hopefully, that's enough information... or at least not too overwhelming ^v^ Take your time Ryker!!!

Thank you so much Dove! I'm trying to pace myself with these requests and take care of myself so don't worry! I hope you don't mind but I'm going to casually ignore the natal chart thing because I don't know anything about that (and honestly I'm scared to learn)

"Dove! I'm so wonderful you decided to come in for this! I'm also glad to learn more about you, and I feel I know exactly who to put with you. You have a lot of variety in your likes and hobbies, and that's a great trait! I only felt it natural to pair you with someone who also has some variety and can appreciate it all!

A great appreciator of all types of things...sounds a lot like Rook right?"

It takes a certain type of person to be with Rook, and somehow I get the vibes that you can do it! He's a wild one, but somehow I think that works with you.

pls Rook loves everything you do

he tries to find beauty in everything, and you help with that!

anything you make is absolutely beautiful and he loves it and shows it off with pride

he even goes into extensive detail about the little things he likes about each piece

he adds to your collections whenever he sees a new piece you don't have ✨

he calls you "ma petite colombe" (my little dove)

quality time and parallel play? Rook has you covered

he loves to be near you and doing your own things and he will often glance over at you and admire your beauty

cottage core or dark academia, he loves you no matter your aesthetic and thinks all of them are equally appealing with you

you don't have to reach out for support from him, he has a sixth sense for you when you need support

pls infodump on him he welcomes it and will remember everything you tell him

you two are like wild cards of information who love to share with each other and I can see you two just rambling about something random for hours without stopping

I see a duo of chaos and love

#sees happy in their own skin and comfortable with being themselves and frantically scribbles azul off my list #idia too for that matter #ryker the matchmaker #twisted wonderland matchups

[i-did-not-mean-to]

A letter

@sortumavaara I blame you...only you...for this one!!!

(I have been feeling terrible today and this has amused me, so I am thankful, but...hmmm, I am not a smut writer haha)

Either way, here goes my small ficlet for your amazing Glorfindel drawing. I admire you greatly; I hope you know that.

(@the-girl-with-the-algebra-book, e-husband, I wrote light Glorestor smut...)

Words: 1,1 k

Warnings: SMUT, NSFW, crack as well...I am terrible, I am sorry

Pairing: Glorestor

Glorfindel stormed through the library, only side-stepping once or twice to avoid announcing his arrival by banging his half-hard cock against the wooden bookshelves in a poor imitation of a primitive drum, in search of the devious creature that had reduced him to the deplorable state he presently found himself in.

To his dismay though, Erestor was nowhere to be found and so the much-suffering, golden-haired elf sat down at the desk of that despicable seductor and readied himself to pen a sharply worded missive instead.

Lord

Too formal, he decided.

Councillor Erestor,

He frowned and chewed on the elegant nib for a moment before his mouth started watering and his thoughts drifted back into the realm of unspeakable desire on account of having something hard and smooth wedged between his parched lips. 

Figures that – even absent – Erestor would lead him astray, he thought, and crossed out his second attempt as well with a disgusted flourish.

My friend,

No, that was also wrong; he felt uncomfortable about starting a reprimanding letter by feigning friendship; they were notmere friends and that was the very core of the whole problem.

Erestor,

Less elegant than he would have liked, but functional. 

With a sigh, Glorfindel accepted his defeat, he’d leave it thus, at least for the time being, and focused instead on putting his confused, aching longing into appropriate words that would make Erestor see the errors of his ways.

On this fine morning, we – along with several other respected and revered members of the Council – have attended a meeting during which you have I was aggrieved to notice that you saucy minx had neglected to don appropriate apparel as befits your function and station in these esteemed halls.

Glorfindel nodded to himself; this was going great so far.

Indeed, you wore an intricately embroidered overcoat – which was very beautiful if I may say so – but I could clearly see your clavicles I couldn’t help but notice that your choice of tunic, despite the truly enchanting colour scheme you have created, was woefully unsuitable. As a matter of fact, it was so low-cut and transparent its material and design granted the innocent onlooker unexpected insights into your anatomy. Moreover, your leggings were wholly indecent for they let me see allowed any morally upstanding councillor more than just a cursory glimpse upon your shapely unclothed ankles. I am aghast that you’d display yourself so for all to lust fawn behold.

The uncomfortable tightness in Glorfindel’s own breeches reached the point of agony and – checking that the door was properly closed, it would not do to be caught in such an unfavourable situation – he listlessly pawed at his groin with a small, dissatisfied groan.

This was entirely Erestor’s fault; why had he thought it not only acceptable but even necessary to doll himself up in a way that could not go unnoticed? 

He was blindingly handsome as it was, but it could hardly be expected of a living, breathing being with blood yet in their veins to gaze upon the glimpses of flesh and hints of sensuality so brazenly exhibited and not be driven to distraction.

Thus, one could not possibly fault honourable, dutiful Glorfindel for being diverted and distraught to the point where he found himself, his hand wedged shamefully between his own quivering thighs imagining they were someone else’s, in a secluded office rather than at his own desk working through his own paperwork.

He really needed to get to the end of this letter before he completely lost his mind.

Moreover, you smiled at me it has been impossible to ignore the intimate smirk you’ve produced at least thrice while you pretended to take notes. I am familiar with the extent and the excellence of your memory and thus, I nobody was fooled by your charade. Refrain forthwith, I beg prithee, from making such a spectacle of yourself. You are a dangerous distraction preventing other honest, hard-working, and entirely blameless members of the Council from performing their duties to the best of their abilities.

Yours faithfully, 

Glorf…indel

Tossing the pen across the room, Glorfindel grunted under his breath as his neglected cock demanded relief quite insistently; thinking – at length – about the way Erestor had smiled at him coyly while crossing and uncrossing those sinful legs slowly did not help to keep his voracious cupidity for that soft, white skin in check. Quite the contrary.

The more he thought about it – the mischievous looks through dense lashes and the way Erestor had spoken his name as if it tasted heavenly on that nimble tongue – the tighter his leggings grew and after looking down on his butchered letter, Glorfindel finally gave in to his burning, agonising need.

Undoing his laces quickly, he took himself in hand and almost cried out in relief; suddenly, the thought of Erestor’s delicate ankles and filigree collarbones was a welcome image that made his fingers shiver and tighten around his weeping cock.

“Oh, the things you do to me,” Glorfindel sighed, burying his face in the fabric of the chair he was curled up on and breathing in the remnants of that clean, sober smell he so loved.

His movements grew erratic, and his teeth dug into his lower lip as visions of Erestor’s smile, skin, and soft mouth flashed through his mind.

With a strangled cry, he came undone and – after having wiped every surface he might have soiled – Glorfindel made his hasty retreat, relieved now that he had not found his fellow councillor in the heat of his former…displeasure. 

It was only when he had closed the doors of his own rooms behind him that he remembered that he had left his scratched-out, inarticulate draft of a letter on Erestor’s desk.

As he retraced his steps hastily, he prayed that he would be in time to destroy every testament to his temporary madness.

“Lord, Councillor, or should I say friend? Either way, Glorfindel,” Erestor greeted him, grinning broadly at his colleagueas he slunk – shamefaced – through the half-closed door, “come in and have a seat. I am delighted to learn that my attempts at catching your attention have not gone unnoticed.”

Glorfindel swallowed frantically; Erestor had the good grace to blush bashfully, belying his confident words but that didn’t cancel the awful and wonderful truth in them.

Closing the door with a clangorous bang, Glorfindel was shocked and horrified to feel his treacherous cock stir once more at the sight of the soft, enticing smile beckoning him closer yet.

“I have taken the liberty to remove both offending garments,” Erestor whispered, crossing his outrageously naked legs very slowly. “Anything else I can do for you?”

So, that's it from me. If you want, you can link this to any kinktober prompt you want; it was therapy for me tonight.

Also, first epistolary fic (of a sort) for me.

Lots of love and my sincere apologies!

#fanfiction #writing #IDNMT writes smut #*smut #*nsfw #lotr #silm #glorestor #Erestor #Glorfindel #erestor x glorfindel #I have no idea what I'm doing #stop showing me good art #lol

[coupsie-daisies]

The Things I Would Do (The Beauty Mark of Love) | Lee Felix

Pairing: Elven Prince!Lee Felix x Fae Prince!GN Reader

Genre: Fantasy AU, Royalty AU, Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers (light), Hurt/Comfort

Summary: The war is centuries old, and Felix is determined to put an end to it at all costs. A wedding was in his plans, but falling in love was most certainly not. He, however, takes it much better than his fiance does.

Word Count: 30k (I’m so sorry)

Warnings: Cussing, Mentioned Parental Death, Felix is really really in love, They argue, several mentions of war, fae centric racism?

A/N: This was written as a part of the clownracha secret santa fic exchange for @sunnytaes​. I got a little carried away so it’s quite long, and there might be some smaller pieces with this couple in the future

Tags: @dragonofthenorth0726 // @wooyussy // @burningupp-replies // @bunnypig18​ // @ferrethyun​ // @tyungun​ // @brownieracha​ // @kwanisms​ // @snow-pegasus​

Masterlist

This fanfiction is property of @/hobi-is-golden, reposting on any platform without explicit permission is prohibited

Oh the things I would do

To be loved by someone as beautiful,

And thrilling, and true

As you are, my love.

I would clip my wings

And forfeit my freedom,

I'd bring you anything you crave.

I would give up the air from my lungs

If it would make you love me,

Even if only for a moment

The walls of the Fae castle stretched tall, shimmering in the mid-day light in a way that was nothing short of magical.. The stone was polished so bright that Felix's reflection on it seemed to dance as he walked. A few of the palace guards were surrounding him though, so it was hard to see it in any substantial way.

He could feel the disdain in the air as they spoke to each other. It was a language he didn't recognize, but it sounded absolutely mesmerizing. He caught himself tensing up at the sound of it. Not knowing what was being said about him made his worries spike. But he wasn't a quitter, and he was well aware that he could very well be marching towards his own death. He wouldn’t have come if he hadn’t at least partially come to terms with that fact.

"Stay," One of the guards ordered. Felix nodded quietly, watching two of the men pass through the looming double doors in front of them. They should have made a noise, slammed shut behind them or something, but the sound was something akin to the flutter of a flag in a breeze. Quiet, smooth, and light as a feather. He couldn't help his fascination. Everything about the Fae realm was a mystery, sans the maps he'd seen in his father's war meetings. It looked nothing like those lifeless maps in person.

He'd been thinking about it his entire travel through the country, it was nothing like what he'd imagined it to be. The city was beautiful, buildings that towered tall and immaculately sculpted, yet somehow wholly welcoming. The streets felt like they’d simply grown from the earth, some cobblestone and inlaid with gems, and some just bare, beaten down dirt paths.

The halls of the palace were silent as the group waited for Felix to be welcomed through the doors, eerily so given how many of them there were. But Felix wasn't in a hurry to break the silence. His people were already not favored by the Fae, and he was pushing his luck by showing up out of the blue like he was.

It may have been mere moments before the gleaming doors opened again, but it felt like eons had passed. A voice spoke, calling him to enter, low and twinkling like the wooden wind chimes they had back home. He listened, pushing out a slow exhale and running through all of the rules he'd been taught growing up. Do not speak unless spoken to lest you speak over and offend. Don't make any sudden movements, keep your hands where they can be seen so you cannot be blamed for any attacks you haven't caused. Speak directly, the Fae are tricky creatures, but they're honest to a fault.

"You are a brave one, son of the Elves. Coming here unannounced and requesting a hearing with a busy king." The voice came again, booming from the creature seated at the far opposite of the young prince. He looked deceivingly young, hardly thirty in human years. But the Fae lived even longer than Felix's people, and the King was surely over three hundred years old. Felix inclined his head silent thanks for the praise. Brave, he thought, or incredibly foolish. He feared he'd find out which one soon enough.

Guards lined the room, and it had him on edge knowing that they were just waiting for him to make one wrong move. He knew better than to look at them. He looked at the King instead, who straightened on his throne, drawing the moment out, watching the prince with a fiery gaze.

"Can I offer you anything? You must surely need rest after such long travels." The king said after a few moments. Felix smiled politely.

"Your kindness is most appreciated, your majesty, and I give my utmost apologies, but I have to decline. I'm afraid I can’t stay any longer than necessary. And I also give my apologies for disrupting your busy schedule." He bowed his head for a long moment. The king made a soft hum, but not one of disdain. If nothing else, Felix's politeness and respect was surprising coming from an Elven born royal.

"Then I will not keep you. What is it you've come for?" He asked.

"I have come to seek an audience with your prince, if you will allow it." He looked up, watching emotion flicker over the man's face. It was hard to pinpoint exactly what it was, something skating dangerously close to rage. Felix's heart leapt into his throat. He had a terrible feeling that he might have stepped into something he shouldn't have. But he had to do what was necessary for his people, and if it meant that he fell at the hands of the fae folk, then so be it.

"Who are you to speak with my child?" The king asked sharply, his voice no longer as melodious as it had been at first, now more like sandpaper against Felix's eardrums.

"I come as the future ruler of one nation seeking the alliance of the future ruler of yours. I wish no ill intent, and have brought no weapons with me into your presence. I simply ask for a few moments of their time, your highness, it would be deeply appreciated to have an opportunity to speak with them." He said, his voice steady with confidence that he surely wasn't feeling in that moment.

Felix was a prince, trained in the art of diplomacy since before he was old enough to pronounce the word, but there was something about standing in front of a king who had nothing but contempt for your people that would send a chill down anyone's spine. Even more so when he had no one to turn to if things went awry.

"If you're here to make alliances for your country, you're better to do them with me, young prince." The words were said with an edge, and Felix held his breath. "You have no business with my child. I will not grant your request."

"I'd like to hear him out, father,"

Felix's head jerked to the source of the voice without his permission, watching as you stood up from your seat to your father's right. He hadn't even noticed you to begin with. You looked almost bored with the interaction, but your eyes held a curious glint that was impossible to miss as you looked at him.

"No. Not unless he can give an explanation for his coming here unannounced with no proper reason to speak to you." Your father waved his hand dismissively, and a few guards stepped forward to escort Felix out of the room. And despite his high hopes for this interaction, Felix would take a polite escort out over becoming public enemy number one of the fae realm.

"He cannot give a good reason without an opportunity. I ask you to reconsider and allow him a few minutes to speak with me," You continued to press on. You held your head high, a confidence that Felix had nothing but respect for. Your father looked at you, and the sparking glare shared by the two of you lasted so long that Felix was half worried the room might ignite.

There was a silent conversation there, a challenge, or maybe a plea. But eventually your father looked away. He turned back to Felix with an intensity that almost made him shrink in on himself.

"You have my blessing. Remember your place, little prince." He said, and he stood. You stepped forward ahead of him, striding towards the elven prince with a grace that almost made it look like you were floating. When you were face to face with him, you bowed your head ever so slightly. A smile rose onto your face, and it made Felix uneasy. Something about it felt too sly, too curious.

"Shall we go somewhere more private, your highness?" You asked, already sweeping past him towards the doors behind him. And although he was relieved that you were playing nice with him and not doing the unthinkable, part of him was wounded that you had enough pride in your power to turn your back on someone who could only be dubbed the enemy.

Even so, despite the bruised ego and the fear that lingered in the back of his mind, Felix bowed to the king and turned to follow your lead. As you reached the doors, you waved off the two guards that attempted to lead the way.

"Have a bit of faith in my ability. I think I can handle an unarmed Elf. Though I trust it won't come to that," You said. The guards eyed him, and then stepped out of the way, allowing him to continue following behind him.

You were silent as you walked, never looking back at him. The hall you turned down wasn't the one he'd been brought in, though it looked similar enough that he probably would have gotten lost had he been on his own. So he followed you closely for fear of getting left behind.

He looked you over, half sizing you up, half subduing his own curiosity. In truth, he'd never been this close to a Faerie for so long before in his life. The Fae were uncommon visitors back home, which his people didn't mind whatsoever, and he'd never seen such a fascinating creature.

Every move you made was like a dance, elegant and mesmerizing, each step silent against the stone of the floors. Your hair seemed to catch a breeze that he couldn't feel if you moved just right, falling to frame your face. The very sight of you taunted mischief and wildness that he'd never seen before. And if he looked close enough, the air was distorted at your back, shimmering in fractals of light as if through a kaleidoscope. Wings, barely there to the blind eye as they caught the light.

"Do you have a staring problem, your highness? Is there something I can do for you?" You asked, finally looking over your shoulder. He startled, and you laughed. The sound was unusual, a magical sound that made him smile and sent a sort of anxiety coursing through him all at once.

"I've never seen a faerie's wings before." He admitted, avoiding the question. You nodded in understanding, and the light shifted as your wings fluttered. You were showing off, proudly so. "They're pretty."

You didn't speak again, instead opening a door and welcoming him inside.

"We can speak freely here. This is my council room. Sit, please." You pulled out a chair at the long table that sat at the center of the room. Felix took a seat as well, folding his hands on the table where you could see them. You were relaxed in his presence, and he didn't know how he should be feeling about that. But regardless of the personal emotions that it may stir up, it meant that you weren't going to attack him just yet.

"Your presence is appreciated, I worried I wouldn't get to speak with you after coming all this way," He said, carefully picking his words.

"And what is it that you've come for?" You asked him bluntly. He looked at his hands before promptly looking back at you.

"I ask for your understanding, but I have to be straight forward. I have come to ask for your hand in marriage. To propose an agreement of sorts," He said. You looked at him, brows furrowed. He swallowed down his worries about your reaction and continued. "Our people have been at war for centuries, and it's done more harm than good. The hatred between our people lies with our ancestors, so I ask you to consider my proposal to be a treaty. We can do so much good by uniting our kingdoms."

"Do you think that uniting our people would be so easy as a marriage of what? Convenience?" You asked him. "Think of the harm that it could bring, the uprisings that could begin."

He hesitated, and you could practically see the gears turning in his head as he worked out where to go next.

"Do you want our countries to be at war forever? If we don't end it, who can we expect to? It's gone on long enough, I think. I just ask you to consider putting an end to it with me."

Felix leaned forward, looking at you seriously, and you looked back. The quiet was deafening as you both stared each other down. His persistence was interesting, not like most people who came seeking your time, and certainly not like those that came seeking your father's. And he sounded sincere, carrying genuine worry for his people. You understood that.

You tsked and leaned back in your seat.

"Your kind always think they know what's best for everyone," You said. It wasn't a lie, that was all you ever heard about the elves, that they were a persistent, stuck-up sort of people. That they had no respect for the thoughts of those they deemed to be below them. Felix bristled, and you held up your hands in surrender. "That's not an insult. You've given me much to consider."

He seemed to relax at that, it was common knowledge that you couldn't lie, and he seemed to take your words at face value. You wondered if this offer was some trick, a twisted truth to draw you and your home into a vulnerable situation. There were several things that could come of promising your hand to this prince, and you had many responsibilities to worry about.

"I'll consider your offer. Return in a weeks time, we can discuss this further and I will give you an answer." You stood in a sweeping motion, bowing to him and motioning him towards the doors. "Come. My father will want to see you off, I imagine."

You lead him back to the throne room where your father and his guards were eagerly and ever so impatiently awaiting his return. Once in their presence, you gave him that same sly smile, promising to give his proposal some thought before he was due to come back, and promising him a much warmer welcome on his next visit.

He was already being shown out of the room as you finished, but he stole a glance over his shoulder, watching as you sunk into your own throne and met his eye. He could only hope that your answer would be beneficial for both of your homes.

The next few days were a lot to handle. Your father was down your throat, trying his best to wiggle information out of you about what your visitor could have possibly wanted from you. But your decision was very much still up in the air, and you didn't want to taint that by having unwanted input, especially from your father. He was a good man, you knew that as well as you knew your own name, but he had been born into a society with closed minded views, and that's not what you wanted for your future, or the future of your land.

But going it alone wasn't as easy as it was made out to be, and after a few days the weight of your future was weighing heavier than ever. So you turned to the only person you ever knew to turn to.

"Binnie, I need help," You said, barreling towards the training ranges. Changbin looked up from where he'd been training, wiping his forehead and crossing his arms over his chest with a smile that could be described as nothing but charming.

"Good to see you too, your highness," He teased. "Lovely day, I know. I'm having a wonderful morning, thanks for asking."

You glared at him, and he laughed. Changbin was the closest thing to a brother that you had growing up. He was the son of a man quite close to your parents, and the two of you had run around together since you were able to run.

“Please, I'm being serious. I need your advice." You begged. He sat down in the grass, motioning for you to join him. You sighed, flopping to the ground in the least graceful way you could have, folding your hands in your lap.

"Speak, then." He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. You nodded, searching for the right words to say. You knew Changbin, and if you told him straight out what the problem you were facing was, he'd talk you out of marrying Felix, and take his disapproval to your father for good measure.

"If you were presented with two options, and one would cause problems, but the other would leave a bigger problem unresolved...which option would you pick?" You asked him. He hummed, rolling the question over in his head.

"So the first option would solve one problem, but cause others? And the second option wouldn't cause problems, but also wouldn't solve one?" He confirmed. You nodded. He looked at you, but you kept your eyes trained on the patch of grass between the two of you. "Is this about the prince from the Elven lands?"

You swallowed, not responding. Your silence was an answer in and of itself.

"You wouldn't look so down if you didn't know what you needed to do. You've never had any trouble following your heart. And you know I'll be at your side no matter what you decide to do." He reached out, patting your arm and stood up, brushing the dirt from his pants. "Get up, you have two more days before you have to talk to anyone else about this. Let's go do something fun for once."

Changbin's advice stuck in your head for the next couple of days. He knew you, and he was, as much as you hated to admit it, right this time around. You were sure which decision was the right one, and you had been seeking out someone to tell you that it was okay to pick the other one.

But it wasn't okay, and deep under whatever grief you were beginning to feel, you knew that. How could you justify picking a life of freedom for yourself when it meant taking that freedom from thousands of others. You simply couldn't stomach that. So you swallowed your pride, your hopes and dreams, and resigned yourself to your choice.

When Felix arrived in the early afternoon, he was greeted with less hostility than he was the first time around. Though there wasn't any more fanfare than before, and he could feel the distrust in the air as he was escorted through the castle once again. He took in the same sights, the walls that seemed to radiate a glistening, dancing light. The floors that gave the impression of water running over stones like they did in the creeks and rivers back home. The ever-fluttering breeze through the halls, and the polished marble pillars.

He was stopped outside the doors to the throne room, and this time it only took a breaths length for the doors to swing open, a voice announcing his presence as if he were an honored guest. Something about that gave him hope as he stepped into the room and the doors fell shut behind him.

The guards still lined the room, all looking at him as if he were a fearsome warrior. The doors were all blocked off by men much larger than he'd imagined faeries could be. Had they done that before? He returned his attention to the front of the room where your father's throne sat empty. Instead you were seated on your own, waiting for him. To your right stood two men. The first was well recognized as your right hand man and personal protection order. On the other side of him stood a taller man, his build a little slighter, but still all muscle. He wasn't as easily recognized. Felix assumed him to be a member of your court.

He made a sweeping bow as he had the first time he'd met you, and you watched him. The way his limbs splayed out in pure, trained elegance, his head lowered in respect. You liked seeing him this way, none of that irksome confidence you'd seen before.

"Welcome back, Prince Felix," You said, a sign for him to rise and face you properly. He first lifted his head, a charming smile playing on his lips, one that didn't quite meet his eyes.

"It's always a pleasure, your highness. Thank you for seeing me again." He straightened up properly and you nodded.

"Right, well, I know you're here for an answer, but it would be awfully unkind for me to not offer you anything. A drink maybe, or some rest? Our guest chambers are lovely if you need some rest. It's a long way from where you come from." You offered him politely. He smiled.

"The offer is most appreciated, but I really think it’s better if we get right to things. After all, if things go the way I can only hope they will, we'll have much to discuss. And it would be a shame to inconvenience you by putting that off." He said. You had to admit that you too would much rather get the entire deal out of the way.

"Very well, then." You shifted, straightening up even further in your seat and smoothing your hands over your lap. "I've given your question a great deal of thought, and weighed the options."

You paused, taking a breath, and Felix shifted his weight, not lifting his eyes to meet yours. You weren't sure if it was meant as a sign of disrespect or simply one of worry. Your exhale was slow as you pushed down your own frustration. This wasn't what you'd expected from your life, but as a prince, difficult decisions had to be made.

"I will accept your marriage proposal."

The room felt like it was spinning with how quickly Felix snapped his head up to look at you. He had hoped and prayed that you'd accept his proposal, that the two of you could work together to make things better for your peoples, but to have you actually say it seemed like something he'd never planned for. In truth, he hadn't figured out what would come after this. First and foremost you'd have to tell your father, which was going to be another day, or week, or eternity of his head being laid on the chopping block.

"I’m very grateful for the opportunity to grow together," He said, bowing to you again. You waved him off.

"None of that, you don't need to bow to me all of the time. We are equals, I guess." You stood, bowing to him for the first time. You walked the path to where he was standing and offered him a smile. "Come, we have a lot to discuss, and I think better on the move."

You motioned for the guards to leave you be, all except for your personal guard. Changbin followed from a distance, far enough away that you could speak easily but not so far that he couldn’t keep an eye on you. You trusted him with your life, and now with so much on the line, you had no worries about any misbehavior on your new fiance's part.

You walked with him, not in front but beside, a show of respect between equals as you guided him through your home, weaving deeper into the castle. The entire castle was looming, winding halls that had Felix practically spinning in circles trying to take it all in.

"Do you like it? The castle?" You asked him after a long period of silence. He nodded.

"It's not like back home. It's lovely." He said. You seemed appeased by his answer.

"There's a lot to be discussed. What we expect from marriage. And how to get it past the officials. There will be hoops to jump through. I know my father won't be pleased. He's not your biggest fan." You mused. Felix cleared his throat. He certainly knew that much.

"And my parents will want to put it to the council. I have an idea, though. If I can win your father's approval."

You looked at him, taking in his delicate features from a different angle than you had before, and the way his blonde hair fell in waves. He looked elven, the hint of his ears that poked through his hair didn't help to disguise that. Another hurdle along the way. How to convince your court and country that you'd be better off marrying the enemy rather than one of the many suitors of your own kind, or at least someone who fought on your side of the war.

"And what's that idea of yours?" You asked. Felix leaned closer casually, turning so that he was practically whispering into your ear.

"We convince them we're in love."

You stopped in your tracks, your head whipping to check that your friend was far enough away to not pick up on the conversation. You crossed your arms over your chest and furrowed your brow in absolute annoyance. He turned to look at you, tipping his head for you to voice your concerns.

"A lie? Your highness, I'm sure you're aware who you're speaking to. My people cannot lie." You snapped, still keeping your voice quiet. He straightened at the sharpness in your tone, his entire posture turning defensive.

"Don't misunderstand, I'm not implying that we lie. It's more of a trick, really." He argued.

"A trick implies that the truth will come out. And just how will that help our cause? If your people think that I have lied to them they'll make no hesitation to kill me. And then what? Your people will be wiped out in two seconds flat if they lay a finger on me. My friends alone will make sure of that." You were fuming now. You'd agreed to his crazy plan of marriage in the first place, and now he was presenting you with irresponsible and downright dangerous plans to make it work.

"Y/N, calm down." Changbin called from behind you. You glared at him over your shoulder, and he gave you a nod. You huffed, taking a step back. The prince looked at you still, something between irritation and amusement flickering across his face.

"Is that to say that you won't fall in love with me, my prince?" He asked, the name falling from his lips and making your eyes go wide. "Or that your people would so easily conquer mine?"

You clenched your fists. Oh how you wanted to wipe that look off of his face.

"But really, my people won't find out until after we've married, and there will be little they can do to stop me then. Put your faith in me like I'm putting mine in you. We can make this work, but that would require us both to keep a level head."

"I've made no promises to put my trust in you, Felix. Only to spend the rest of my life with you. Don't mistake those to be the same thing."

The tension between you and Felix had been heated ever since you realized what his plan entailed. But you had made your decision, and no matter how bothersome the path may be, the end results would be worth it if you could just pull this off. You had, however, decided fairly quickly that you weren't a fan of the prince's attitude. He was too confident, and he seemed to be taking things much too lightly. Especially when one misstep could land the both of you in serious trouble.

"Stay for a few days. We can have clothes bought for you, and we can send word to your family." You suggested, standing up from the table in your meeting room. Felix nodded, standing up as well. "I suggest we tell my father about the engagement at dinner. He won't be happy, but food tends to appease him best. I'll have Jisung show you to the guest wing."

"You could show me," He said, and you couldn't decipher the tone in his voice, teasing or flirtation or just his way of egging you on. You glared and he laughed. "I'm teasing you, your highness. I'll see you at dinner,"

He tipped his head before following you out of the room.

"Jisung, show the prince to his room please." You said.

"And thank you?" Jisung asked playfully. You cracked a smile, something you immediately regretted after trying to stay firm with Felix.

"And thank you. Now go," You huffed. Jisung poked your shoulder a few times as he passed you, and Felix gave you an amused smile that you met with a scowl.

"Best behavior at dinner, your highness." You warned him. He held his hands up in submission. You sighed, running a hand over your face, a motion that made Changbin laugh.

"Do you want to hear what I think?" He asked once Jisung had led Felix down the hall and out of sight. You rolled your eyes and looked at your best friend.

"Actually, I can't say that I do. But I think you're going to tell me anyway because that wasn't a real question." You said, beginning to walk back towards your own room. Changbin followed without hesitation.

"I think you may have met your match, your highness." There was that annoying name again, always teasing from him. You rolled your eyes. "Probably for the best if you're going to marry him, don't you think? I don't imagine you'll ever be bored."

You scoffed.

"Bored and happy sounds better than never bored but eternally suffering," You told him.

"If you're going to be so miserable, then why are you doing this?" He asked gently, grabbing your arm and guiding you back to him so you couldn't simply walk away and avoid his question. You swallowed down the bitter taste, the building frustration that would inevitably amount in tears or shouting.

"Because nobody since the beginning of this war has done anything to help our people, and I can't allow it to go on. People have been dying, and suffering, and resenting my family line because of a petty grudge. If I have to bite the bullet for the sake of everything I hold in my hands, then I have to be the one to pull the trigger."

Changbin looked at you for a long moment, the air thick as he watched you blink back tears. You didn't want to marry Felix, you didn't want to give up your freedom like that for the next several hundred years, but you cared about your country more than anything in the world, and you could tell that Felix felt the same way about his people. If nothing else, you had to respect that. And to seek out a solution like he had wasn't something you'd ever thought of for yourself, so you would give him the benefit of the doubt.

The rest of the walk to your room was quiet, leaving you with your own thoughts and emotions. You imagined that Changbin was trying to understand your decision, and the emotions behind it, but he was a much less hardheaded person than you were, and much less trusting of people's souls.

"I'll see you at dinner," He said, nudging your shoulder with his fist and giving you a smile that you forced yourself to return, leaving you in peace, all alone now. You laid yourself out on your bed, arms and legs spread across the surface of it as if stretching to your limit would silence the noise in your mind and ground you back into your body.

Your father was going to be unhappy, and you'd have to convince him to let you do this. He wasn't a controlling man, no more than he had to be at least, but this was taking a personal risk, and surely he wouldn't be eager to let you do that. The thought of driving a wedge between the two of you made your heart ache. He’d been your biggest supporter for as long as you could remember. You said a silent prayer to the universe that he’d continue to be just that.

You needed a better plan. You thought about Felix and his irksome confidence as he simply stated we make them think we're in love. But you had to admit that, despite everything, the sentiment made sense. There were a lot of things that people rejected, things that your people would never accept. But one of the few things that people had a hard time saying no to was love.

You stared at the ceiling, a dancing mirage of oranges and reds that mimicked the setting sun's colors. Dinner would be served soon, and you'd have to take another step towards your destiny, however unpleasant that may be. Maybe if Felix was on his best behavior your father wouldn't cause an uproar, and maybe he'd trust you enough not to make you sit beside the court and council.

You thought about what you'd planned your future to hold. Love, and laughter. You had hoped to see much of the world when you were younger, not yet jaded by the looming war at the edges of your home. Though the war had died down quite a bit in the hundred years since you were brought to be. You remembered your mother, and the songs of life before the war that she’d sing you to sleep with. She said she'd learned them from her mother, who had learned them from her own before that, for generations stretching back a thousand years.

You often found yourself wondering what life was like then, before the hatred and the fear. When your kind lived in harmony with others. Back when life on the outer edges of your homeland was still wild and free, bubbling with joy and music and a whisper of hope that you desperately wanted to nurture.

This, whatever this life changing decision you were making was, had to be the right choice.

You laid there in silence for a while longer, soaking in the last slice of peace that you could imagine having for a while before finally getting yourself cleaned up for dinner.

Changbin escorted you to the dining pavilion as he typically did, and you greeted your father with a wide smile, settling into your seat.

"Isn't Felix here yet?" You asked, smoothing your hands over your lap. Your father shook his head, clearly displeased that he had been kept waiting. You silently reminded yourself that Felix wasn't technically late yet. The late spring air helped you keep your cool, the scent of the flowers from the gardens riding on the breeze.

"I apologize if I've kept you waiting." Felix's voice startled you out of your thoughts, and you smiled. Honestly you were just relieved to be one step closer to the truth being in the open.

"You haven't, don't worry. Please, sit." You motioned towards the seat across from you. He bowed his head to you and sat down where you indicated. The table was set, filled with more food than the three of you could possibly eat. Even so, Felix looked a bit worried. You cleared your throat.

"You can eat it, no harm will come to you. We don't enchant people as often as some might think. I promise it's all fine." You said. You watched him open his mouth as if to speak, instead settling on a polite smile. You felt something bitter burn in your chest. People's opinion of the fair folk had been dropping for lifetimes now, but it still made you angry to be distrusted the way you were.

With Felix settled in and reassured that you and your father had no ill intentions, the meal went smoothly, though mostly in silence. It was only when dessert was served that your father decided to speak up.

"I still don't think I've caught the reason for your visits, young prince." He said. You stiffened, but Felix looked just as laid back as he had throughout his entire second visit. He looked at you, and his lips curled into a smile.

"My apologies, your majesty. I didn't mean to be so secretive with my intentions." Felix admitted. He looked at your father. "I came to ask for Y/N's hand in marriage, and they've accepted. So now I am asking for your blessing."

The silence after his confession was deafening, and it threatened to swallow you whole. Your father didn't speak, he didn't shout or attack Felix right then and there which, you desperately hoped, was a good sign. But when he opened his mouth to speak, he was looking at you.

"What is this about?" He asked. You swallowed and glanced at Felix. He was looking at you, dark eyes alight with desperation, or maybe with hope, but either way it tugged at something inside of you.

"Please give us your blessing, father. Let me marry him," You begged gently. He looked at you, something along the lines of rage and disbelief flickering in his eyes.

"You've hardly known him for a week," Your father pointed out. You nodded, inhaling slowly.

"And I've thought about the decision a lot. I firmly believe that this is the right choice. Please, I need your trust." You laid your utensils down and turned to properly face your father. "You raised me well, and I genuinely believe that I’m ready to make the important decisions for myself. All I'm asking is for your blessing."

The quiet returned, even the birds had stopped chirping in the trees as if the entirety of the world was waiting with bated breath. You could feel Felix's eyes on you, and you refused to look back at him.

"The council won't like it. I will do what I can to sway them, but that may be in your hands." Your father spoke, and you exhaled deeply, closing your eyes and saying a silent thanks to the universe for her kindness. You sunk back in your seat in the first proper show of comfort since the day Felix came to ask for your hand in the first place.

"Thank you, sir," Felix said, looking at you with a smile that was brighter than the sun itself. You sighed quietly. This wasn't going to be easy.

As dinner finished, and Felix was dismissed to write to his family and let them know he'd be staying longer than expected, your father called you to stay back. You stiffened, turning around to face him again.

"I'm not going to ask if you love him, I can see that you don't." He said. You clenched your jaw, and he continued. "But I have to ask you if you're doing this for the right reasons."

You thought for a moment, mulling over the best way to approach his question.

"I'm tired of sitting by and doing nothing. Soon enough it will be my turn to run our country, and I want to prove that I can do what needs to be done, even if it's difficult sometimes." You said. "I'm doing this for mom,"

He smiled, a sad, thoughtful sort of smile and gave you a nod.

"I trust your judgment, but sometimes you're too much like your mother for my heart to take. She was hard headed and passionate too, and I can't imagine that you got that from me. If you’re confident in your decisions, you have me at your back. Now go, you'll have a lot of work ahead of you."

You carried those words with you the next few days as you sat through council meetings, elders arguing the future of your country and the validity of your decisions. They claimed you were only a child, you reminded them that not only were you of legal age, but that you were of marrying age and, had you not found a suitor within the next several years, you would have been married off for the sake of politics. It was only fair that you got to make that decision on your own in the meantime.

You knew what their argument really was, that you were making a decision they couldn't imagine making for themselves, that you were fraternizing with the enemy. Which was amusing behind closed doors since you could hardly call whatever it was you had going on with Felix 'fraternization’. 

It was coming out of one of these endless meetings that you ran into a distressed looking Felix. He had been working himself up for hours now waiting for someone to report back to him with how things were coming. His hair looked as if he'd run his hands through it a dozen times over, and he seemed to jump when you came through the doors.

"Well? What did they say this time?" He asked you. You took a breath.

"They're not happy about it, but they’ve run out of reasons to protest since both me and my father are in favor of the marriage. They want us to announce our engagement formally." You told him. He paused, a half-laugh of disbelief leaving his lips.

"Are you serious? They've agreed?" He asked. You nodded.

"Don't go getting all excited, this is where the hard part begins."

"This wasn't the hard part?" He asked, leaning against the wall. You rolled your eyes.

“We still have to tell your family, mind you.” You said. “And we have entire nations to win over. This was only the beginning.”

"I can't imagine either of those things will be terribly difficult, my parents won’t be happy, but they won’t try to stop me. They trust me, unlike–”

You sent a glare in his direction, a warning not to speak ill of your family. He just gave you a playful smile and giggled in delight at having earned a reaction out of you. You rolled your eyes.

"Right then. You'll have the rest of the day to prepare, and we'll make the announcement tomorrow." You began walking, back towards the outside, heading for the gardens. "And after that you'll have to come with me when I attend royal duties. Oh, and you'll need to write home, get a proper invitation for my safe travels. Otherwise my father and the court and council will never let me travel into enemy land."

Felix laughed, and you looked over your shoulder at him. He was following as you'd expected, but with his hands in his pockets he looked much more relaxed than you felt. You were growing more and more irritated with his laid back demeanor.

"What?" You asked.

"Are you always this serious?" He asked you. You continued walking again, and he moved to stand in front of you, effectively blocking your path.

"I think this is something quite reasonable to be serious about. Clearly you don't, which is what stresses me out."

"What's your favorite color?" He asked you.

“If you cannot take our marriage preparations seriously, how am I supposed to trust you with my country? Or your own for that matter?"

"Favorite flower? What do you do for fun?"

"Felix, I'm serious!"

"I know you are," He reached out, taking you by your shoulders and shaking you back and forth. "Loosen up, for fucks sake. I am preparing for our wedding. Nobody will believe that we're truly in love if we know nothing about each other."

You paused, mildly taken aback by the language, but it was enough to stop your anxiety in its tracks. You hadn't thought about that. You shook off his hands gently, continuing to walk.

"Then we'll spend the day getting to know each other. But we'll discuss other things too. The schedule first off."

"Can you answer my questions then? What is your favorite color, my prince?"

You pushed the doors at the end of the hall open, giving way to a long, clover pathway. Vine covered arbors arced over the path, bright with flowers in every color that Felix could even imagine flowers coming in. You seemed to relax once you were outside in nature, leading him along the path. As he watched, he noticed the way that your feet barely touched the ground, your steps gliding as if you were dancing with the air.

"Green." You told him, reaching out to touch a flower that grew on one of the arbors. He watched the way it perked up under your touch. "I also like brown, but my father says that's not a suitable color for favorites."

Felix smiled. That may well have been the first glimpse at your true self that he'd had the honor of seeing.

"I think it's perfectly suitable. And that you should be allowed to have your own thoughts independent of your father's." He knew he probably should have minded his words more carefully from the way you stiffened up. But you relaxed after a moment, turning to look at him as you both walked deeper into the gardens, hedges rising around you, each trimmed neatly into perfect walls.

"What's your favorite color then?" You asked him in return.

"Black. But if people ask, I usually tell them orange." He said. You didn't miss the irony in him changing his favorite color for the sake of other people's opinions when he said that you shouldn't do just that. You wondered if he was always so hypocritical when it came to himself.

You stopped in front of a large fountain, a depiction of two fairies with their heads tipped back, smiles stretching across their faces. They looked to be dancing, and the marble of their wings caught the light, making them shine like silver. The water was opalescent as it cascaded down into the pool, and you sat at the edge of it, dipping your fingers into the water and watching the ripples that came from it.

"And what do you do for fun?" He asked. You looked at him, then back at your hand as you scooped up some of the water, letting it run through your fingers, some trickling down your wrist.

"I read sometimes. Usually out here. I spend most of my free time here. Or with my friends." You told him. "When I'm with them we aren't usually up to any good. Never harmful, though. Don't get me wrong."

Felix listened to you, and he didn't say anything about the supposed mischief that you got up to with your friends.

"Your friends, what are their names?" He asked. 

“The guards you’ve met. They’ve been my best friends since before they joined the royal guard. There’s others too, but I don’t see them as often.” You stood up, shaking the water off of your hand. “What about you? You have friends back home, right?”

“I do. Chan is probably my best friend. You’ll meet him one day. I think you’ll get along well with him.” Felix said. He opened his mouth, starting to ask you another question, but you shook your head.

"You've asked enough questions, I have more to tell you about." You said.

And so you did, bringing him up to date with the expectations that would be placed upon him once it was announced that the two of you were engaged. How he'd become an equal, but respect was still to be maintained to the very end. How he'd have to attend any balls you were expected at unless his business at home would call him away, and how any event you were seen at in your country, he'd also want to attend to achieve public favor.

It was late into the evening when the two of you decided to leave the gardens. You'd shown him several different spaces that you enjoyed sitting and thinking in. The rose gardens, and the sculpture gardens, and the tree at the very center that you'd been climbing since you were able to walk. Felix understood then, maybe for the first time, the connection that your people seemed to have with nature.

"What's your favorite flower, my prince?" Felix asked as the two of you walked back towards the castle. The name was beginning to stick, and you grew disgruntled every time he used it. Although maybe that was the reason he kept on saying it.

"Lily of the valley," You answered finally, a faint smile on your lips. "My father had a whole bunch of them planted where you can see them from my window. That one there,"

You pointed to your bedroom window overlooking the gardens, and Felix looked up at it. He wondered if you'd been given that room for just that reason, or if maybe the gardens had been planted where they were for the sake of giving you something nice to look at.

"A good choice," He admitted as the both of you returned to the castle. He opened the door for you, and you bowed your head to him in appreciation.

Once inside, he excused himself, stating that he was too tired to attend dinner, but that he'd see you in the morning for breakfast. You let him go only once he promised to have his letter to his parents sent out before he went to bed.

You wondered as you returned to your own space if your relationship with Felix would forever be formal and awkward. Sure, the afternoon together hadn’t been miserable, but a part of you worried that you'd never be anything more than polite acquaintances. Asking for love in a marriage of convenience and diplomacy was a bit excessive, even you knew that, but maybe a kind of comfort could come of it if you were lucky.

The next morning was an early start. You woke up before the sun rose, getting yourself ready on your own and taking your time as you prepared for the day. You made yourself up before breakfast, staring at your reflection in the mirror. After breakfast you would be expected to meet with the court and council, and you'd be put on display in front of your people to announce your engagement. You wondered how they’d take it, if the favor you’d been earning since your birth was enough to win out against fear and survival instinct.

In your lifetime alone, many people had been wronged by the elves. They had shown themselves to be a cruel and self-righteous people with little to no regard for people who were any different than themselves. Felix hadn't seemed too much like what you knew of his kind, but it would take some time for him to prove that to anyone besides you. But you knew, you reminded yourself as you put on your clothes, that this was for the best. You were making the right decision.

You were the first to arrive for breakfast, your food being served to you as it always was. When your father arrived, you were poking at your eggs. Your stomach was too queasy to eat a decent meal. He didn't say much beyond a good morning. You tried not to think anything of it, he was never much of a morning person. But your anxiety was beginning to get the best of you, a worry that your entire plan would come crashing down by the day's end. When Felix came and took his own seat to your right, you had still done nothing but tear your eggs to shreds and pick the crust off of your bread.

"Good morning, my prince. Your majesty." He greeted the both of you, his own plate being filled with the best your cooks had to offer.

"Good morning, Felix. Did you sleep well?" You asked, looking up from your food. He nodded.

"Very well, thank you. I wrote home as promised, I expect a proper invitation by the end of the week." He said. That should have relaxed you, but it only made you more tense knowing that there would be no escaping a visit to Felix's homeland.

"Wonderful. Just in time for our announcement. After breakfast is finished we should get to preparing." You said, not that you'd even begun eating your meal. "We've already set them to decorate and get everything set up for an announcement, and I'm sure the crowds are beginning to gather already."

Felix watched the way your fingers tightened around your fork, and the way that your voice didn't sound as confidently strong as he had grown used to in the short time the two of you had spent together. It was off-putting to see you so withdrawn, and he wished that he could fix it even just for the sake of not dealing with the unexpected.

"You've prepared your announcement speech?" Your father asked you. You nodded quietly, not looking up at him. You weren't much of a public speaker, and you had never made a public speech to a group of one hundred people, let alone the better part of your kingdom.

"Speech?" Felix asked. You nodded again, finally taking a bite of your breakfast.

"An engagement is proof enough that it's time for me to act like an adult and not a childish prince," You said. It was beginning to feel ironic since you hadn't felt this much like a childish prince in some time. "So it's my turn to say my piece. Don't worry, you won't be expected to speak."

Felix nodded a little. It wasn't hard to pick up on your anxiety, and as much as he loved getting a reaction out of you, he sincerely didn't want you to feel unsafe in his presence.

"Well then, is there anything else I can do to help with the preparations?" He asked. You put your fork down, pushing your food away from you. Your stomach couldn't handle it with the way it was twisting into knots. You looked at Felix, a bit surprised by his offer, then you shook your head.

"Just make yourself look as nice as possible and get to the main hall within two hours. That's really all I ask." You stood up, "Honestly, if I have to chase you down I might have to end this entire ordeal then and there,"

You were dead serious, and nobody knew that better than Felix. He nodded with a quiet 'I promise'. You sat back in your seat and closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. Once your father was finished eating, he excused himself with a promise to check in before time for you to face the world. You sat there a few moments longer before following his lead and excusing yourself.

Felix followed you, abandoning his half cleared plate.

"Hey, this is gonna be fine. You know that, right?" He asked you. You forced a smile, straightening out your shoulders.

"I know. I'll see you later," You turned quickly. As kind as the reassurance was, you didn't want to be around him for any longer than necessary in your state, and the gentle tone of his voice was grating on your already frayed nerves, and the last thing you wanted was to spiral in front of him and put even more pressure on his shoulders.

He didn't follow you this time, and you didn't look back at him. Instead you walked the long halls back to the safety of your room. You took your time getting yourself all dolled up. Meanwhile, Changbin was sitting on your bed in his uniform, flicking through one of the books that you had stacked up on your bed stand.

"Why are you doing all of this, anyway? I mean, you’re obviously one mishap away from having a complete meltdown. No offense." Changbin said. You rolled your eyes, adjusting your clothes for the hundredth time.

"What sort of question is that?" You scoffed.

"An honest one. I mean, you're royalty, right? And you could marry anyone you wanted. Why are you marrying someone you barely even know?"

You turned to look at him, placing your hands on your hips. When he looked up, he made a face just like he always had when you were younger and you'd scold him for being reckless or improper or dragging you into his shenanigans (not that you ever really minded that bit).

"I'm marrying him because I know that it's what I'm meant to do." You said firmly. "It's not even him that's getting to me. It's...everything else. Everyone thinking that they need to judge us, or evaluate us and give their opinion. And for what?"

You huffed, beginning to pace. Changbin just leaned back on your bed once again.

"I mean, it's not as if we're show animals, we don't need to jump through everyone else's hoops just to prove that we should get married. It's our own lives, isn't it?"

Changbin didn't speak then, just let you huff and grumble about life as you finished getting yourself ready. He was ever patient with you like that, and you did appreciate it more than you could express. Of course when you were in a mood like this, his seeming indifference to the situation didn't help much.

Luckily for him the two hours passed quickly with you only occasionally bursting out again about how frustrating things were. He knew your anxiety well, and it was clear that you were beginning to take it out on everything else. So he held your hand as the two of you walked to meet your father and Felix. You were grateful for the distraction of his warm, calloused palm under yours. After so many years, you’d gotten good at mapping out his skin when you were anxious, giving your mind some excuse to not think about anything else.

The main hall was full of people, workers from the castle who had been helping to keep the last minute event running smoothly. Your father and his guards and attendants were being spoken to about the plan, and Felix was standing to the side with Jisung looking both incredibly laid back and a little restless. You made a beeline for the two of them, all but collapsing into Jisung's arms as he wrapped them around your middle.

"Your highness, I think you're making a scene," He said, mostly teasingly. You whined.

"These people are all here because of me, I think they can mind their own business long enough for me to have a meltdown." You grumbled, straightening up and smoothing out your clothes and hair. "Have they been waiting very long?"

"They've been here since we got here. With how frazzled the head of the team looks I think they've been putting in overtime getting things set." He admitted. You sighed and squeezed your eyes shut for a moment before shaking out your nerves.

"Right, let's make this as smooth as we can for them, then."

Felix had to admit that the way you so quickly and easily switched gears amazed him. In the blink of an eye you'd gone from openly and pretty clearly distressed to the put together prince he'd met his first visit. He exhaled slowly, hoping he looked even half as put together as you did.

"Your highnesses," One of the workers, presumably the frazzled one Jisung had spoken of given the look on his face, bowed in front of the four of you. "We'll begin the address soon, but I wanted to run you through the order of events first, answer any question you may have."

You nodded, motioning Felix forward to look over the papers you were being shown. It wasn't anything new to you. Your father would make an address first, introduce you to your people, and then you and Felix would step forward to take the lead, give your speech. Then you'd all thank your people for their time and the entire thing would be over in less than forty minutes. Ideal.

"Whenever you're ready, your majesty," The man bowed to your father, and he nodded. Your father looked at you, and even though he didn't smile, or give any pep talks, you knew that he was rooting for you behind his royal facade. You and your father had always been close enough for you to read the look in his eyes.

As a group, the lot of you were led up the set of stairs to yet another wide open hall. The announcement hall, with a balcony that overlooked the castle courtyard. You could hear them beyond the door, your people gathered for a glimpse of their leaders, a hint of news that could be told to everyone they knew. The music from beyond the balcony doors was loud, voices and laughter raised to the sky. A reminder of exactly why you were doing this.

The guards swung the doors open, and your father stepped out to a chorus of cheers and fanfare. He was very well liked as a king, as long as you'd been alive at least. You stepped out afterwards, Felix on your heels, then guards as the doors closed.

Felix had to admire the way you stood tall, your expression the epitome of affection as you looked out as your people. He, on the other hand, felt as if he was shrinking in on himself no matter how hard he tried not to. But he didn't get much of a chance to think about that as your father began his greetings speech.

A welcome to the faeries who had come from all around the kingdom, and a thanks for their undying loyalty to the crown that brought them there. Felix listened to this part. It was clear that the King was an incredible leader, and well respected if the crowd that had gathered with only twenty four hours notice was anything to go by. He understood where you got your leadership skills.

The applause after your father's speech was what pulled you out of your thoughts, and your eyes flew to him first, then to Felix, and finally to your friends who you could only see out of the corner of your eye. You took a deep, shaky breath and stepped forward to take your father's place. Felix followed you, standing ever so slightly behind you as you took center stage.

You put on your bravest smile, beginning your announcement with as much joy as you could muster. Thank the people for coming and sparing their time to be with you as you made a joyful announcement for you and your home. Make a long, flowery monologue about how happy and grateful you were to have been born prince of such a magnificent place, how strong your country was and words of inspiration about how you believed they would continue being wonderful.

Then came the most difficult part.

"We've asked you here to give a life changing announcement. I have finally accepted a marriage proposal. I would like to introduce Prince Felix of the Elven realms. Your future king." Your hands were shaking, and you clenched your fists as subtly as you could manage to try and get them under control. You looked at Felix as you'd been coached to, and he was already looking at you with the sweetest smile you'd ever seen. One that made your stomach twist and your heart stutter in your chest. A baffling change from the way it had been racing as you tried not to choke on your ridiculous speech.

Felix bowed to your people, and for once, the crowd was wholeheartedly silent. You had seen that coming. You tried not to let on the way the nerves began eating you alive. You weren't always very good at hiding your emotions, you got that from your mother.

A hand took yours, warm and soft and squeezing your trembling hand in his own. You let out a shaky breath, and Felix gave you a nod of encouragement. You tensed, frustration burning dark and heavy in your chest. You turned back to the microphone in front of you.

"I am proud of the decision I'm making, and I can only hope that you will all take pride in it as well. More details will come with time, but in the meantime, I ask that you all welcome Felix with open arms just as my family, my home, and I have already." You bowed your head in appreciation towards your people, giving them one more statement of appreciation before being escorted back inside. Your father followed then, and the guards last.

Once you were inside, you released Felix's hand, your fingers were tense from how hard you'd been squeezing it. You turned to apologize, but he shook his head, silencing you with nothing more than a look.

"You did well," Your father told you, giving your shoulders an affectionate squeeze. You smiled, ignoring the way it felt like yet another sentence to perfection. You couldn't handle that thought.

"Thank you. If you'll excuse me," You turned, making a beeline for the gardens that always brought you the most peace. You took the stairs faster than you ever had in your life, your feet barely touching the floor beneath them.

It didn't feel as if you could breath until you were in the open air, no longer suffocating or bending the truth. It was just you and the world. The world wasn't always kind, but she was oh so real. You couldn't say the same about yourself anymore, not really. That left you with a sort of self loathing that you'd never actually felt before. Who were you if not the truest, most transparent version of yourself. And how could you be transparent with a secret this big? When you were blurring the lines between selflessness and the selfish need to give every bit of yourself to bring others whatever they needed?

Your heart carried you through the gardens more than your mind did, leading you down the paths, past the fountains and into the very heart of the large maze of nature. You passed through the archway there into a cleared opening. At the center of it stood a large sycamore tree. There was a pond to the side with a bench sitting near it, and an intricately carved bird bath on the opposite side of the clearing. You climbed into the upper branches of the tree with a practiced ease, pulling yourself up despite the way the bark scratched your palms, kicking off your shoes to make it easier to move properly. You didn't even bother to think of the damage it may do to your best clothes.

Sitting up in the tree, the sun filtering through its leaves, and the breeze brushing your overheating skin, it made the panic and frustration clear like fog lifting and dissipating. You sat there for a long time. You'd been climbing this tree for decades, finding comfort in its steadiness.

That being said, it wasn't surprising when Jisung found you faster than you would have liked him to. He stood at the base of the tree where you could see him but he couldn't directly see you. Even so, your shoes were sitting at the roots of the tree, giving your location away like a beacon shining in the dark.

Jisung made a move to climb after you. He had, after all, been climbing it with you for a good long while. Him and Changbin both since you were all just kids. You made a move to climb higher, not that you could evade him for very long given that there was only so much tree to climb. He made an irritated, whiney sound.

"Don't even consider moving. Not all of us have such an easy time with this," He warned, and you knew that it was a mostly empty threat, he wouldn't do anything if you kept climbing. You settled your weight on the branch you were sitting on anyway. He made it to you fairly quickly, sitting down at the crook of a branch near you. "What brought you here?"

You looked at the spot in front of you, bringing your finger to trace the ridges in the bark between where your legs hung. You shrugged quietly. He didn't speak, still waiting for you to answer him. He knew that you'd break eventually, the awkward tension growing too much. And you were perfectly predictable under the circumstances.

"Do you think that I'll make a good leader, Ji?" You asked him, still not risking a look at him.

"Is this about the engagement?" He asked you. Honestly you were getting sick of that question. Sure, you hadn't always been one to voice your insecurities, but you had always had them.

"Not exactly. The engagement just has me thinking," You told him. He nodded. "I know that I'm making the right decision, even if that's hard to do. But do you think that our people trust me? Or do they think that I'm going to let them down?"

He was quiet, clearly thinking, and you tried not to let that worry you. Still, you found yourself picking at your clothes to try and quiet the wave of anxiety that was creeping up your spine.

"I think that our people will believe in you because of who you are and where you come from. Your parents have always treated us like family, and we know that you will take that same care with us." He was looking at you, and you looked back this time, nipping at the inside of your cheek. "However, I think they will also expect you to prove yourself. And I know that you will. I have nothing but trust and confidence in you. As a person, and a prince."

The both of you sat in your tree a while longer, hiding from the world in each other's company until the sun was beginning to set and the breeze grew cool. Jisung helped you down then, not that you needed it, and walked with you back through the gardens. You did feel better than, with his confidence and  unwavering support playing on repeat in your mind. You were gonna be just fine, your people would trust you. You just had to prove yourself. Easy peasy.

The hall was quiet this late at night, and Felix couldn't help but feel like the sound of his footsteps were disturbing the peaceful atmosphere that he'd stepped into. He knew that wandering about so late at night was probably not the best thing for him to be doing, but he'd been promised protection within the castle walls, and laying in bed tossing and turning wasn't putting him any closer to actually resting.

He didn't know exactly where he was going, but he was thinking about what you'd said before about how you think better on the move. He wondered if there was any sense to that. He was still in his pajamas, his hair messy from sleep (or some poor attempt at it). The halls were lit with a pale blue hued light that he couldn't spot the source of, nor any sort of shadows to help him figure it out. It made the entire place feel like a dream. He had started to get used to this place, a home away from home once you were properly married, and it was more peaceful than he'd expected it to be given the connection between faeries and mischief.

He walked for a long while, passing windows that let in silvery moonlight that spilled over the floor like puddles after a rain, and views that you hadn't shown him yet. He took a couple flights of stairs, wandering up higher. He'd been told there was a library, and he wasn't much of a reader, but it sounded like a nice place to indulge his thoughts for a while, maybe somewhere to make a regular relaxation spot.

He was still in that thought when another presence caught him off guard, a movement in the corner of his eye. He whirled around, his hands balled into fists. Not that he was trained in hand to hand combat, elves were built for fighting from a distance. There wasn't anyone he could see, but he could hear the soft fluttering sound that he'd begun to pin down as wings sifting through the air.

"Gotta be faster than that, your highness." A voice said, and he spun around again. Leaning against the wall was the guard that was always at your side.

"Changbin. You startled me," He admitted, pressing a hand to his racing chest.

"As was the plan. No ill intent, don't misunderstand, but I saw you wandering about, thought I might as well have a bit of fun without Y/N around to scold me for bothering you." He said. He uncrossed his arms. "Were you headed anywhere in particular?"

Felix shook his head, smoothing a hand through his hair.

"No, I just couldn't sleep is all. I figured a walk might do me some good." He admitted. Changbin nodded his understanding.

"Do you drink tea? I'll take you to the kitchen," He offered. Felix agreed, following the shorter man's lead. He hadn't gotten much of a chance to speak with Changbin, he was always at your side. That, however, was exactly why he wanted to talk to him. There was a lot about you that was a mystery to Felix, and he honestly wasn't sure if you'd be open to sharing it with him. His curiosity, however, didn't want to accept that answer without putting up a decent fight.

Changbin was quiet for most of the walk, and Felix didn't want to disturb the quiet, but eventually the knight spoke up.

"It's not safe for guests to wander the halls this late at night. Some of our people aren't quite so trusting, they may have gotten the wrong idea, my prince." He said. Felix wondered if that was a threat. But Changbin was smiling and ushering him into the kitchen. "What has you up this late?"

Felix watched as Changbin maneuvered the large kitchens with a practiced ease, and he found himself wondering if Changbin spent a lot of time here during the late nights, unable to sleep like he was now.

"Just thinking too much. I have trouble sleeping when there's a lot on my mind." Felix explained. Changbin hummed, pulling down a pair of cups for their tea.

"Tell me," He said. Felix's silence must have spoken for him, because Changbin turned to him and elaborated. "When there's something on your mind, talking about it helps get it off your mind. So talk to me. Your secrets are safe with me, your highness."

Felix fiddled with the rings on his fingers.

"You don't need to call me that, Felix is fine. You're practically going to be family soon if I understand correctly." He said. Changbin passed him a steaming mug, and he took it in his hands, pressing his palms to the almost scalding hot porcelain. "I don't think that Y/N trusts me very much."

Changbin laughed, and the sound was nearly unsettling, but Felix didn't mind hearing it.

"They don't. It's not entirely your fault, they don't trust much of anyone. But they haven't heard many good things about your people. No offense, of course." Changbin said, leaning against one of the many counters. Felix looked down. He knew that the hatred ran deep between their two peoples, but it hadn't fully occurred to him that the war had bred such deep distrust. He felt fairly foolish now that it was laid out in front of him.

"I want to prove myself to them. To all of you. And of course saying that isn't enough, I'll continue working for it. I want you to know that. I've heard that you are the person closest to them." Felix sipped his tea, ignoring the fact that it was a bit hotter than he would have hoped. He eyed Changbin quietly after the statement. He didn’t look like what Felix had always imagined the Fae to look like, but he was handsome. Sculpted muscle and sunkissed skin. He was short, but it was clear that he wasn’t small in stature or personality.

"One of them. Trying is all it'll take. They're not so cold, I promise." Changbin reached out, giving Felix a squeeze on the arm that was surprisingly reassuring. "Your people took something from them. From all of us. That's all they know about you. But they have a kind heart, and they're very true to the things they believe in. Let them learn to believe in you, and in the meantime give them a chance to be afraid. Because, and you didn't hear this from me, but they're very afraid."

Felix didn't speak, he didn't really think it necessary after all that Changbin had shared for him. The only thing that he could think to say was thank you, but even that didn't seem like enough. They shared their space in comfortable silence, each drinking their tea and letting their own thoughts take the lead. About halfway through his drink, Felix looked at the man across from him.

"Changbin, you do know that I won't hurt them, right?" He said. Changbin laughed again, shaking his head.

"That's not something I'm too worried about, my friend. If you hurt them you'll have to take that up with them. And despite what you may think, they're a lot scarier than me and Jisung combined when they're angry. Or hurt." He downed the rest of his drink, setting aside his empty cup. "They're surprising like that, they're a lot more than you see on the surface. I remember when I was training to be a royal knight, they caught one of the instructors hassling me. I hadn't thought anything of it, figured it was all just part of the training, y'know?"

Felix nodded, and Changbin crossed his arms over his chest, a fond smile growing on his face the more he thought about the memory.

"They came running down the training field all dressed up in their best clothes, they came straight out of a meeting. And they took a bow from one of the other trainees and aimed it at this guy, telling him to leave me alone, that I was under their protection," He laughed, and this sound was even brighter than the last. Felix could feel the adoration he held for you, and he really was beginning to understand it. "They nearly took his head off when he asked them to repeat themselves."

"They nearly took my head off the first time we met," Felix laughed himself this time, and when he looked up from his rapidly cooling cup of tea, he was met by a knowing look. Changbin took his cup since he clearly wasn't about to finish it.

"Don't worry, they haven't tried that since then. I say that's a good sign." He nodded towards the door. "I should however be escorting you back to your room, my prince. I can't say much, it's not my place, but I imagine you'll have a big few days coming. Y/N might actually kill you this time if you aren't well rested."

Felix didn't put up a fight, just followed his newest ally back to the room he'd been assigned. There wasn't a guard standing outside like there had been his first couple of nights. Felix still hadn't decided if that was a good sign or a bad one, but he was going to take it as a show of trust. He opened the door, bidding Changbin goodnight, and decided that another try at sleep might just be the best for his well being.

The day that came after was indeed very hectic. Felix had never seen so many gifts in his life, piles of them, and flowers that he'd never heard of before. Not to mention the cheers from outside the castle. If his people had swarmed the castle like that the whole place surely would have gone into lock down. But here it was welcomed with joy and gratitude. And Felix knew of course that you and your people weren't evil and terrible creatures like his family had always made you out to be, but now he was baffled as to how anyone could have believed such a glaring lie in the first place.

"Felix, are you listening?" You asked, looking over to where he was sat beside you at the long and very full table. He nodded quickly, straightening up.

"It would do you well to listen, your highness. This all involves you as well," One of the elders at the table said, and Felix had to keep himself from shrinking in on himself under the sheer disdain in the woman's voice.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. I'll listen well." He promised. Beside him you snickered, and he huffed. Your father smiled at the two of you from the head of the table, and you pressed your lips together at being caught.

"As I was saying," He continued. "There's a festival to be held tomorrow evening. A celebration of the engagement. I expect the two of you to make an appearance. Y/N will show you how to behave, festivals are common occurrences here, but I'm unsure about where you come from."

Felix honestly hadn't been to any festivals in his life back home, though he'd managed to go to a few in neighboring countries, diplomatic missions and such. After all, the war didn't have nearly as harsh an effect on their allies as it had on them. But you looked positively thrilled at the prospects, so he couldn't imagine that they were miserable events.

"I'm a quick learner, I won't cause problems." He promised, giving that sweet smile of his. You pressed your lips together and gave him a nod.

"Right then, what else is on our plates?" You asked.

The meeting went on like this, the court and council explaining what the events of the next few days would look like until you were called to Felix's home country to meet his family. Wedding planning and your usual work load. And of course you were scheduled a bit of downtime here and there, something that the both of you were visibly grateful for.

You caught Felix on his way out of the meeting, grabbing his wrist gently and pulling him to a stop.

"Felix, I wanted to talk to you." You said. He tipped his head.

"You wanted to talk to me? That must be a first, I'm honored, my prince." He teased. You huffed, but you didn't glare at him. It's the little things, he thought, baby steps.

"About the festival. And how to not offend the people you may meet." You said. He nodded, suddenly much less playful than he had been a moment before. His face straightened into an expression of pure focus, his eyes trained on you. You shifted your weight from foot to foot, a bit put off by his seriousness. Usually you were the one wholly dedicated to this, and the more he seemed to put into it the more you began feeling like a bird in a cage.

"I'm all ears," He said. You couldn't help but look at his ears then, long and poking out of his summer blonde hair just a little. You giggled, the sound bubbling out of you before you could stop it. And then your eyes were wide, the laughter still coming out of you. Felix looked at you, bewildered and amused and all together curious about the outburst. You covered your mouth.

"You are all ears." You said, reaching out to poke at the tip of his ear. He laughed then, and the two of you stood together in a moment of lightheartedness that had been lost for the past couple of weeks as you both gave your futures to one another.

Once the laughter had died down, the both of you shared a smile, genuine and trusting in a way that hadn’t been explored by the two of you just yet.

"Come on then, tell me about what I can do better." He said, his smile melting into his words. You liked how his voice sounded then, tinted with joy instead of amusement and teasing.

"Right. First of all, you call us fair folk. Never faeries, it's an outdated term. It’s pretty much only used by Elves nowadays. It's disrespectful." You said. He nodded, his expression dropping for a moment when he realized how little he truly knew about the country he would one day head by your side. "And you shouldn't lie, even if you're able to, unlike us. It's rude and many of us don't take well to being lied to. You don't want to be on the bad side of some fae. Of course you can't always tell the whole truth, but a partial truth is better than no truth at all."

He hummed.

"Oh, and the last thing before I leave you be, it's not my people."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"You always say my people, but that's not right. They're your people too now. They'll appreciate knowing that you care about them enough to call them kin."

You gave him a smile before giving him a small nod and excusing yourself. You walked away then, you had your own schedules for the day to attend to, and surely Felix would spend his day resting. After all, he was still a guest and he couldn't be expected to follow you in every bit of your daily affairs. Especially not the ones above his rank. But nevertheless, you found yourself wondering about what he was doing as you went through your day, about where on the grounds he was, what trouble he may stumble into. That thought brought something like a spiked sort of worry.

And by dinner you were anxious to see him, something you weren't quite accustomed to feeling. Still, you asked about his day, and he told you in great detail. It hadn't been very interesting, he'd said, but he'd gotten a chance to sit in on training of the newest round of knights, something that Jisung and Changbin helped with. You were grateful at least that your friends got along well with your future husband. Not that you imagined anyone to be anything less than tolerant towards someone as kind and passionate as Felix.

The next day was more of the same, only getting the chance to see Felix at mealtime or in passing between your meetings until the afternoon when you were due to travel into town for the festival being held in your honor. And the entire time you were stuck in the same spin of wondering what he was doing, what you were missing, if people were treating him as you wanted them to.

You were helped into the carriage, sitting between Changbin and Jisung with Felix sitting across from you. The energy was tangible, warm and thrumming with nerves and excitement and practically vibrating with the need to be let free. The ride was quiet like that, your hand in Changbin's and your leg pressed close to Jisung's, and your eyes trailing back and forth from the window to your right and Felix's face, studying him for any sign of what may be going on behind his mask.

The ride wasn't very far to the center of town. The crowds cheered as your carriage was pulled down the crowded streets, and children waved with stars in their eyes, stretching for a glance at the royalty tucked safely behind the doors. You were buzzing with anticipation. You used to have these festivals much more often when you were younger. Your mother had always said that in times of stress, a little joy was always the best remedy. You had never stopped believing that, but it had become quite a bit more difficult to organize things like this over the past few years.

When your carriage pulled to a stop, you looked at Felix, you smiled wider than he'd ever seen it before.

"Are you ready?" You asked him. He inhaled, looking out the windows at the crowded street. He'd never been to anything like this, but the excitement was tangible. He nodded.

"I'm ready."

Changbin was the first to climb out, ushering Felix out onto the street, a mosaic of colored stones that seemed to fit together perfectly like strangely shaped puzzle pieces. Then Felix reached a hand up for yours, helping you down the step onto solid ground. The cheers that rose from the crowd were like music as you bowed to your people.

In front of you a young girl stepped forward from the crowd, not yet into her teenage years, and she bowed deeply. You smiled, stepping forward to meet her. You placed a hand on her cheek, telling her to rise. She did then, holding her arms out with trembling hands. Laying in them were two ringlets of flowers, alternating colors which Felix was still sure he'd never even seen flowers grow in before.

"For you, your highness. And for his royal highness, Prince Felix as well." She said, wagering a glance at Felix. He looked wholly taken aback by her little act of kindness. You however took it in stride, taking a broach that had been pinned into your cloak off and placing the iridescent jewel in her palm in exchange for the crowns.

"I'm very grateful, they're beautiful. What a wonderful way to start off the festival." You said, placing the first one on your head, letting it settle over your hair. Then you turned to Felix, motioning for him to lean his head closer. He did so, half confused and half nervous that in his anxious state he'd tip over all together. You placed the flowers carefully against the blonde of his hair, smiling when he straightened up.

"It looks wonderful. I think you’re really beginning to fit in here, Lix." You said, quiet enough that your words were played just for the two of you. You brushed a stray lock of his hair away from his cheek, tucking it behind his ear before turning back to your people. "Well, let's not waste the day away standing on the streets. This is a festival after all."

You motioned for everyone to take to the decorated streets, to join in the merriment that you were all but bubbling over with. And so of course they did, the crowd stretching along the streets as far as the eye could see. There were flower crowns being sold, and food and drink being shared without a care. Music rose from every corner, and children ran and played in the streets. Everywhere that Felix looked was filled with light.

"Come on, Felix, we're going to miss out if you keep standing there," You told him, already turning to take off in the direction of a food stand. You eagerly passed over enough coins that you probably could have bought the entire stand, picking out a handful of pastries and passing them to the boys. Felix was noticeably hesitant to try the foreign food, but you took a bite, not caring about the jam that lingered on your lip. You hummed, and your wings fluttered in delight. Of course Felix had to take a bite then, letting the warm pastry melt in his mouth. It was sweet, and tasted like berries, but he couldn't place what sort.

"They're native to our country. Our biggest export actually, but your people haven't accepted them in ages. You're missing out. Maybe that should be our first change. We can't have your people missing out on an absolute delicacy." You said, and honestly Felix was pretty sure you were correct, even if it was a joke. He finished off his pastry, taking another one gratefully before being led on his way.

Felix noticed again the way you walked, how your feet barely touched the ground, and the way that they never made a sound against the stone like he did. He noticed that nearly everywhere, actually. The way that it was hard to keep track of how you flitted back and forth across the crowded streets. The way that it sparked a wave of panic every time that he lost sight of you.

The sun rose higher, and the sunlight was more golden here than it was back home, and it made the gems and flowers that strung from the roofs of the buildings along the street glitter like candlelight. The longer he was here, the more Felix began to understand your joy. He was laughing now too, humming to the music being played by a group of older citizens nearby when you gasped sharply. His eyes turned to you immediately, his hand flying for the dagger tucked against his leg. But you were grinning, and you reached out to tug at his wrist.

"Felix, look. They're dancing." You said. And he did look, and you were certainly correct. In the square nearby, people spun and skipped in intricate patterns, their clothes twisting around their bodies as they tipped their heads back to the sky. "Can we join them?"

Felix stood there in shock at your question. It wasn't that he couldn't dance, he was quite a skilled dancer, but this wasn't like the balls he had grown up in, not like the stiff, careful dancing that he'd been trained in all his life.

"Well, if you're not going to dance with me, I'll go with Changbin." You said, letting go of his hand to take Changbin's instead. If he were being honest, Felix was pretty sure that Changbin had been expecting this turn of events given the way he easily passed off his sword to Jisung and followed you to the square. Felix of course followed you, stopping at the edge of the dancers spiraling back and forth.

The cheers and clapping could be felt in his chest, and his eyes were trained only on you as you spun around the circle, hopping and skipping and swinging to the middle and back again in the whirling pattern that you seemed to understand in an instant. You looked so free, all the worry that he'd grown used to seeing having washed off of your face. You were laughing, and if he listened, he could hear it above the crowd, musical and sweet like berry syrup. His stomach twisted, and his heart picked up when you spun close to him. You looked at him, met his eye, and you lit up, motioning for him to join you once again. Still, he adamantly shook his head. No, the view was better from here.

When the song ended, you were standing a bit away from him, your chest rising and falling as you tried to catch your breath. Your hair was sticking to your forehead, and the crown you'd put on your head was tilted funny now, half falling towards your face. But you looked beautiful, even more so when you did a tiny hop, grabbing at Changbin to beg him to go again when the next song picked up.

"For a man who doesn't have feelings for someone, you're sure are staring at them a lot, your highness." Jisung said, leaning close to the young prince. Felix's face flushed, and he cleared his throat.

"I'm not staring." He insisted, but his argument was cut off by Changbin pulling you away from the dancing. You were glowing, and Felix had to remind himself not to gape at you. You pushed your hair away from your face, beaming at him.

"I'll get you to dance with me someday, your highness," You said. He reached out, straightening the flowers sitting on your head.

"No more than necessary, my prince." He gave you a smile, and you didn't respond. You were sure you could get him to let loose eventually, he was already right at the precipice, you could see it in his eyes.

The rest of the festival went similarly, tasting food at various booths, and watching the children running and playing in the street. He had gotten incredibly used to having you tug on his hand, pulling him wherever your mind took you. He didn't mind it, and he wasn't sure if you even noticed you were doing it. You only let go when a small flurry of children came running up to him.

Felix liked children, not that he had a whole lot of experience interacting with them, besides his younger sister of course. But now they were gently tugging at his clothes and asking him questions. You let go of his hand, and he crouched to speak to them. His smile was sweet, and he moved his hair out of the way to show them his ears when asked about them. All the while, you stood to the side, watching him and wondering if he was as irritating as you'd come to expect him to be.

The day faded all too quickly to evening, and though the festival was still in full swing, as it would be for nearly another day you were sure, the children in the streets were being dragged away to bed. There were more couples out now, snacking on street food and walking hand in hand. Which was essentially what you and Felix were doing now, your hand tucked into the crook of his arm as you led him away from the crowds.

The sun had set long ago, but the moon shone down over the street, and lights floated above your head, twinkling like stars caught in mid-air. They were beautiful, making light move across your face in a way that fully illuminated your smile.

"Did you have fun?" You asked him. He nodded a little. You were far enough away now that the music was lowering to a faint background noise. "It's been such a long time since I've been to a festival like this. It's even better than I remember it being when I was a kid."

You let go of his arm, hopping up onto the small stone wall that lined the street here, a barricade between the road and the houses off of them. You balanced carefully, your arms outstretched at your sides. Felix walked alongside you, keeping his hand out in case you needed to grab onto him for support.

"It's amazing. I've never seen anything like it. We don't have many festivals back home." He admitted to you. The look of disappointment that you sent him made his chest tighten. "We're not boring, don't think that. But my father isn't a fan of things like this. He prefers shows and balls and stuff. He thinks it's more sophisticated."

You scrunched up your nose, doing a little hop over a spot where the stone of the wall had begun crumbling. You gasped at the way your ankle wobbled when you landed, your body swaying to the side. Felix caught your waist, nearly pulling you tumbling down altogether. When you looked at him, his eyes were wide, his lips parted in a silent gasp. You grabbed his wrists, rebalancing yourself on your feet but not shaking off his touch just yet.

"Yes, well," You let out a breath, letting go of him and moving to take your next steps on your makeshift balance beam. "Sophistication isn't everything. If everyone were to value sophistication over joy, the world would be a terrible place to live."

Felix watched your next few steps, wiping his clammy palms over his pants a couple of times before stepping to catch up with you.

"Did you play as a kid? Running around outside and whatnot?" You asked him. He looked a bit surprised by the question.

"My sisters and I played, not often outside. We weren't supposed to run inside, but our mom was laid back about it." He laughed, and you could swear it was the first time you had truly seen him look comfortable around you.

"You're close with your sisters?" You asked.

"Not as much as I was when I was younger. I don't have much time to see them anymore."

You frowned at the answer, making a mental note to make sure that once you were married and things were more settled in that you'd invite his sisters around often. You were an only child, but you couldn't imagine being separated from Changbin and Jisung. It could only be more difficult to be apart from your actual family.

"I don't have siblings, but I was close with my mother." You said. "She passed when I was younger, but she would have liked you, I think. You know what you believe, and you don't let anyone convince you of anything else. She valued that."

Felix took your hand as you came to the end of the wall, helping you jump to the ground. It was quiet here, nothing but the sound of the breeze rustling through tree leaves, and bugs chirping in the dark.

"Your mother sounds lovely," He said, not entirely sure how to navigate such a sensitive subject. You forced a small smile.

"She was. I want to be just like her," You looked over at him, and there wasn't a need for words then. You were both sharing pieces of yourselves that rarely saw the light of day, both showing more of yourselves than you had before. He didn't let go of your hand as the two of you made your way back towards where your carriage where your friends were no doubt waiting to take you back home.

The next morning brought the ache in your muscles and a sense of satisfaction as you stretched across your bed. The sun was up now, and it was later than you'd normally wake up. The peaceful moment was cut short too soon, a firm knock on your door before it swung open.

"You know, the point of knocking is to ask permission to come in. I don't think you're supposed to barge in right after you knock." You huffed, sitting up and making room for Jisung to perch himself on the edge of your bed. He handed you a piece of paper.

You unfolded it, reading the letter quietly. Your invitation to visit Felix's home, to be introduced to your future family. You stared at it, scanning the handwriting – his mother’s it would seem if you were reading the signature correctly – and the crest stamped onto the top of the paper. You knew it was coming, it had essentially been the only thing that had been spoken of since your engagement had been announced, but holding the letter in your hand felt surreal. Jisung reached out, putting his hand on your wrist.

"Y/N," He said. You looked at him, eyes wide. "It'll be fine. You have a few days still, just relax for now. Felix will be with you, and Changbin and I are coming too."

You nodded. You knew they'd go with you wherever you went, and that would be more than enough to get you through. But it was hard not to be overwhelmed by the idea of crossing into enemy territory where you knew you weren't welcomed.

"You should get ready for breakfast. I'm sure your father will want to talk to you about this." Jisung stood, ruffling your hair and laughing at the way that you swatted at his hand. With him out of your room, you were left to accept your fate, dragging yourself out of the safety of your bed to clean up and meet your father at breakfast.

The day was going about as well as you expected it to. Your father was giving you a full length rundown on what you needed to remember, how to make the best possible impression on people that already didn't like you very much. Part of you was relieved that Felix didn't show up for breakfast. The other part of you wondered if maybe he'd already left for home without warning you.

"Have you seen Felix?" You asked your father at the first given opportunity. He looked at you curiously, and you tried not to read into it. He shook his head.

"I haven't. Maybe one of your boys knows where he is. Why don't you go check up on him before he leaves?" Your father said. He was always good at reading you like that, knowing exactly what was going on in your mind. You were never great at hiding your thoughts, you'd learned that the hard way, but your father was even better at reading between the lines. Irritating.

"Thank you. I'll find you later," You smiled, excusing yourself to go in search of Jisung. Finding Jisung turned out to be quite unhelpful, he had been in charge of training for the day, and Felix was no longer under his watch. Which meant that you were on yet another wild goose chase, this time with your less than helpful best friend on your heels.

You’d hoped that maybe someone could point you in Felix’s direction, but the better part of an hour spent scouring the halls and rooms of the palace turned up nothing. Eventually, confused and frustrated, you excused yourself. Either Felix had left without a word, which seemed terribly unlike him, or he wasn’t looking to be found. There was no point in wasting a beautiful day without a packed schedule on searching for someone with no intentions of showing themselves.

As you often did when your anxieties were getting the better of you, you took to the outside, kicking your shoes off so that you could feel the bumps and dips of the ground beneath them as you wandered the gardens. Once you were far enough from the castle that no poor soul would wander across you unintentionally, you sprawled out on the ground, taking a deep breath.

The wind chimes in the garden had a way of calming you down, a song on the breeze as you laid in the grass. If you tried hard enough, you could practically hear the earth's energy thrumming under your body. Or maybe that was your own heartbeat, heavy and overtaking everything else.

Fear was a part of being alive, you knew that, but you hadn't missed feeling it so often. You didn't want to go to Felix's country, to the place you may one day call home, you didn't want to face any more scrutiny. You knew it wasn't gonna be easy, things rarely were, but you were beginning to wonder if you were strong enough to face it all head on.

You didn't know how long you laid there for, staring at the clouds as they morphed and passed overhead. The sun was high in the sky now, and hunger was beginning to settle in your stomach, but you still didn't feel much like moving.

"Mind some company?" Felix looked tired when he found you. You propped yourself up on your elbows to look at him. He didn't wait for your answer, laying himself in the grass beside you. "You know, there really should be a map of the gardens available, I was wandering in circles for ages before I found you."

You laughed.

"It's not so confusing, you just weren't paying attention on the tour." You said, turning to look at him. He giggled in response, and you felt a little bit better about everything.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked you. You looked back at the sky, lowering yourself back down to lay in the grass.

"Thinking. The fresh air helps keep me calm." You admitted. He made a quiet noise of recognition, clearly understanding the sentiment. "Can I tell you something? Something really stupid?"

He nodded, and you took a breath before speaking again.

"I'm really afraid. I don't know if I'm going to be able to pull this off." You said. Felix stayed quiet, and you figured he was waiting for you to elaborate. "I can't lie, and your family already doesn't like the fair folk. What's to say that they won't sabotage us?"

"Oh, that's easy." Felix said. "I won't let them. They might not like my decision, but there's not a thing about you that they can disapprove of, not really. Except your heritage, and they’d be stupid to try and intervene because of that. And if they can't find a good reason to disapprove of you, they won’t be able to call off what we've already started."

You didn't speak. You knew that they'd try. And of course you and Felix had been working to ensure there wasn't a single crack in the foundation of your plan, but you were still struggling to find security.

"Hey, do you trust me?" He asked. You looked at him.

"Yes." You trusted him more than you had even realized now that you thought about it. You trusted him with your life, and your secrets, and your space, and you were still on the fence about if that made you feel more secure or less.

"Then don't you worry your pretty little head." He stood up and held a hand out for you to take. You did, letting him help you to your feet. "I'm leaving in a little while, I have to meet with my parents and everything, get things set up for you to come. I wanted to say goodbye before I leave."

"Right, I had been looking for you too. I thought you'd already left, nobody knew where you were." You said, brushing off your clothes.

"Without saying goodbye? Never." He beamed, and you huffed out an almost laugh. “I found the library the other night, I’ve been studying up on Fae history. I figure it’s the sort of thing I should know about if I’m going to become King.”

You didn’t have any words for that, still not fully used to seeing him being serious about the whole situation. It was finally beginning to sink in that this was more than some elaborate trick, it was a marriage. You were going to truly promise yourself to him for the rest of your lives. You didn’t have anything more to say to that.

Felix let you lead the way back to the castle, reassuring you and going over his plans as many times as he could manage before you were back inside. Once you were inside, he promised that he'd do everything he could to make your stay less stressful.

"I'm serious, Y/N. We're gonna win, and we're gonna achieve our goals." He said, squeezing your hands before saying a quick goodbye, bowing to you deeply. You rolled your eyes at the grin on his lips when he straightened up. "I'll see you around, my prince."

Felix arrived back to his home late in the evening. The familiar paths into his city felt colder than usual, not as welcoming as he'd remembered them being. Everything gleamed silver and emerald green as he passed through the trees, and the buildings weaved and settled between them. Of course coming home was a relief, a reminder of what he was fighting for, but part of him ached to be able to be with you when you saw his home for the first time. That thought didn't last very long, it didn't have the chance as he was brought to the front steps of the palace.

Standing out front was his closest friend, clearly itching to greet him. Felix hurried to meet him, nearly jumping out of the carriage and wrapping his arms tight around Chan’s neck. His friend laughed.

"Congratulations, Felix." He said, squeezing his shoulders. "I can't believe you're getting married. My little brother all grown up,"

Felix shrugged off the teasing, flashing a matching grin to the older man as his things were unloaded by some of the palace workers.

"I can't believe they agreed to it. Just wait until you meet them.” He said. He was already on his way up the steps with his friend hot on his heels. "They'll be here the day after tomorrow, there's so much to do. Where are my parents?"

Being home brought a sense of ease that Felix had missed. He knew how to go about life here, how to interact with the people around him. He knew the halls like the back of his hand. He walked with Chan at his side all the way to his father's office. He was a ball of energy, not that energy was unprecedented for him. He opened the door without knocking, and his father didn't look the least bit surprised by the intrusion.

"Welcome home," He said, looking up from the papers he'd been working on. Felix bowed his head to his father before venturing further into the room. He sat down in the chair opposite him.

"It's nice to be back. Have things been alright while I was away?" He asked. His father straightened up, folding his hands on the desk in front of him, and Felix hummed, already knowing that this was going to be less than ideal.

"People want to know what's going on. They were bothered by your absence, you've never been one to leave for very long." He said. Felix nodded. "I haven't told them. I've been hoping you'd come to your senses."

"I have come to my senses, that's why I asked them to marry me in the first place. They'll be here in a few days, I'll make the announcement then. Is there a room set up for them?"

His father didn't speak, but that was enough of an answer. Felix stood up.

"Excuse me, then. I have to take care of getting things ready for the prince’s stay. I'll see you at dinner?"

With a final bow of his head, Felix swept out of the room, and Chan followed him. Felix's father wasn't a cold man, at least he never had been, but Felix knew well that they didn't see eye to eye on many things. He knew that he was taking a risk in marrying you without his family's approval, but he'd hoped all the same that his father would have come around to the idea after a few weeks of being apart.

"Right, do you know where my mom is?" Felix asked Chan, heading towards...well he actually wasn't sure where he was headed. His plans were minimal, and he'd never had to prepare for a guest like you before.

"She's away with your sisters, I think. She should be home in the morning." Chan explained. Felix sighed, and his friend slung an arm around his shoulders. "Relax, I started up arrangements as soon as I heard. Pick a room for them and we'll handle the rest."

So Felix took his time, examining several rooms in the guest wing until his workers were beginning to get fed up with the wait. He picked the one with the best view, an overlook of the river and the lush greenery that grew along it. It was the closest thing that he could find to the views back in the Fae realm.

"Why are you so worried?" Chan asked after a while of Felix hovering around the workers as they tried to set things up.

"They're scared." Felix answered easily. "Don't tell them I told you that, they're very proud. But I want this to be comfortable for them."

Admitting that out loud felt foreign, and he brushed off his friend's teasing as much as possible. Was it so abnormal to want someone to feel safe and comfortable when under your care?

"Do you think more candles would make this nicer?" He asked, looking around the room. "And we should get more blankets. It's colder here than they're used to."

Chan watched as his best friend fussed over the state of things. Chan had known Felix since they were kids, he was always the anxious type, but this was different. It was hard for him to even imagine that Felix didn't want to marry. Of course Felix hadn't told him that it was fake, but there weren't secrets between them. He'd know if Felix's feelings were true. Now, however, he was questioning how solid his theory about the legitimacy of the engagement was.

"Felix, maybe we can get this sorted out tomorrow, you have to be tired. And your mother can help better than I can." He squeezed Felix's shoulder, and his friend relaxed under the touch. He nodded, excusing the staff who were helping them. He sat at the edge of the bed, and Chan followed.

"Sorry. I just remember how stressed I was when I went there, and they were so accommodating. And you know how my dad is, I want to make sure they feel safe in here at least." He leaned back on his hands, groaning softly.

"I don't know how anyone could be uncomfortable with you," Chan promised. "Come on, I'm sure your betrothed wouldn't want you awake all night for their sake. Bedtime."

Felix didn't argue with Chan, he knew that he needed sleep, even if you probably wouldn't care if he stayed up all night. He laid awake in his bed, wondering again what you were doing, if the nerves were getting the best of you.

The morning wasn't any less stressful for Felix or the staff that had to deal with him. He was happy to see his mother, of course he was, and she did her best to keep him from getting lost in his head. However he was still overthinking every aspect of your visit that was under his control.

"Make sure to bring in extra blankets. It's warmer there than it is here." He mentioned once again, a message that Chan promptly passed on to one of the staff. Felix was quiet a moment longer, his friend and his mother letting him think. "Flowers, we should put flowers in their room. Carnations. No, wait."

Chan watched as a smile grew on his friend's face, a sure fire sign that he'd had a brilliant idea.

"I want lily of the valley in their room. Loads of them. Fresh. I don't care about the cost." He said. The staff shared looks, but they scurried off to have flowers brought up. Chan excused himself then too, leaving Felix alone with his mom. She smiled at her son. He finally looked like he'd let himself relax.

"You really care about them. I have to say I'm surprised." She said, reaching out to give Felix's hand an affectionate squeeze. Felix himself was a bit surprised too, a curiosity seeping in around the edges. When had he taken on this role of protecting you and fussing over you? Where was the line between make believe and reality? Had he crossed it already? It didn’t matter either way, he supposed,

"I do care about them. It's hard not to, you'll understand when you meet them." He said.

The ride from your kingdom to Felix's was long, and you had a hard time getting any rest what with the constant, shifting worry in your chest. Your friends were with you, the both of them doing their best not to let on how obvious your fear was. They were good to you like that, always trying not to make you feel too terribly transparent. Unfortunately, you'd gotten to know their tells pretty well, and it was only giving you more reason to worry.

"If you keep it up you'll stop breathing altogether," Jisung noted, a smile on his lips. You looked at him, laughing for the first time in days.

"Would that be so terrible?" You joked. Changbin gave your arm a light pinch, and you swatted at him. "Joking, only kidding. I'm nervous."

"But you'll get to see Felix again," Jisung pointed out. You ignored the flutter in your chest. Seeing Felix again might make this whole thing less suffocating. He was good, you had to finally admit to yourself that he was in fact very good. And marrying him may not be the end of the world after all.

"We're almost there, your highness." Changbin wrapped an arm around your shoulder, gesturing out the window. You could see the palace now, and the sprawling grounds that it sat on. A spread of deep green grass and trees so dense that you could hardly see through them. The palace stood tall, silvery and so bright that you could barely look at it with the sun beating down the way that it was.

Truly, it was all very beautiful, and it reminded you of Felix in its shimmering elegance. The stop of the carriage jolted you a little, and you straightened quickly. You'd been trained for this, you were a diplomat, and this was no different than any other diplomatic meeting you'd sat through. You were here to form an alliance.

You waited however impatiently for the door to your carriage to open, used to the order of events. Changbin got out first, decked out in full uniform, handing off his weapons. Then he helped you out with a small nod of reassurance. Jisung followed after, bringing up the rear. There were more guards than you were comfortable with, especially with the prejudices you'd heard of your entire life. Nevertheless, you rolled your shoulders back and took a deep breath. There wasn't enough time to work yourself up, because before you could, the doors to the palace were opening, and Felix was standing there, and things didn't seem nearly as intimidating as they had a few moments before.

He looked like he was out of breath, but his lips curled into a grin, and he laughed. The sound felt like pure sunbeams, warming your skin and making you laugh in return. His guards bowed in his presence, and you followed suit.

"Welcome," He waved you up the steps, and you didn't hesitate to walk them as quickly as you could without tripping. At the top of them, he caught your hand, bowing before you and bringing it to his lips. You rolled your eyes, and for a moment all of the stress was gone. "I meant to be out here when you arrived, but I got caught up."

"But you're here now. And thank goodness, because I think I might have died if I had to meet your parents without you." You said quietly, and he laughed. He offered you his arm, and you looped your hand into it, letting him lead you forward.

"How was your trip?" He asked. You shrugged.

"It was long, not particularly eventful. Your kingdom is beautiful. I never knew that," You admitted. He chuckled. When you looked at him, you couldn't help but notice all the ways that he looked different in the light of his home than he had in yours. His hair seemed curlier, falling around his face in waves, and his freckles were even more prominent, reminiscent of the way the stars dotted the sky back home really late at night. You wanted to look at them closer, but then he was turning to look at you.

"I'm glad you like it. It'll be yours soon, too." He met your eye, and his eyes looked brighter than they had before. You nodded, remembering the way you'd told him not to speak of your home and your people as if he were entirely separate from them.

"I'm glad to be a part of someplace like this." You said.

He stopped, and you looked at the doorway you stood in front of. The doors were large, thick slabs of wood intricately painted in gold and bronze, inlaid with gems you'd never seen in person before. The way the light hit them made it look like they were glowing. Felix laid his other hand over where yours rested in the crook of his elbow.

"It's gonna be fine. You know that right?" He asked you. You looked at him and put on your best smile.

"I trust you." You couldn't say that you knew that, you didn't really, but your trust in Felix was the next best thing. You probably wouldn't be willing to step foot in that room if it weren't for his presence at your side.

Felix nodded for the doors to be opened, and the guards did just that. Inside the room, it was just as intimidating as the doors. The vaulted ceilings were gilded gold, the color shifting in the light of the room into shades of red and orange. The pillars were intricately carved into the shapes of tree trunks so large and detailed that you wanted to reach out and touch them to see if they were real.

At the head of the room, a stunning couple sat in a pair of thrones. You let out a shaky breath as Felix let go of your hand. It fell to your side, and you took another couple steps forward before dipping into a deep bow. You held yourself there, your heartbeat thrumming deafeningly in your ears. They didn't speak for what felt like centuries, and your hands began to shake before finally the King acknowledged you.

"You may stand, prince of the fae." He said. And you did. "Welcome to our palace. It's been quite some time since we've had one of your kind in our midst."

You chewed on the inside of your cheek and put on a smile.

"Thank you, your majesty. It's been some time since my people have been welcomed into your home with such grace." You shouldn't have mentioned it, but you figured it was polite enough to slide. Felix stepped to your side, close enough that you could feel the warmth rolling off of him.

"Allow me to properly introduce you. Y/N, these are my parents. And this is Prince Y/N, my fiance." Felix was practically beaming, and you wondered if it was an act or if he was genuinely happy to be introducing you to his parents. You supposed it didn't matter either way. You smiled.

"It's truly an honor to meet you. You've raised a wonderful son, I'm grateful to have met him." You said. His mother seemed pleased with the compliment, but his father was still looking at you as if you were a nuisance, a speed bump in his way.

"You're serious about this wedding business, then?" His father asked. You stiffened, wings fluttering a little as you shifted your weight. Felix, however, clearly expected the question to come up.

"Of course we are. I don't typically joke about things as serious as my kingdom's future." He sounded irritated, his voice sharper than you were used to.

"I know it seems outlandish, but please understand that I really don't have ill intentions in marrying your son." You said.

"And why should I believe in a trickster? Your people are known for their mischief, aren't they? They find pleasure in causing problems for other people?" Your hands twitched towards fists, a look of disgust crossing your features. The king held up his hands in mock surrender. "I mean no offense, really. But with the things your people have done to my country, I have no reason to believe this is anything more than a power play."

"Father," Felix half snapped, his tone laying out a warning. He looked at you, and you couldn't read the look in his eye. Fear, or desperation, or concern. Something that made your chest feel heavy. You swallowed your pride, and the anger bubbling within you. How dare he speak to you like that, regardless of his position as king?

"It's alright, Felix. He's just worried about his kingdom. Any king would be. I was, too." You promised him. "I know the reputation that your people have given us, but it’s imperative to remember that mischief is harmless in nature. I wouldn't put my own people at risk by pulling some ridiculous stunt to bring down a perceived enemy. I'm not worried enough about this petty war to do something so underhanded."

The silence was thick, tension descending like fog, and you could practically hear your friends smirking from their positions just inside the doors. You couldn't imagine that they were holding up much better than you were, and you were half grateful that their weapons had been confiscated upon arriving with how proud they could be.

"And if it isn't for political gain, why would you want to marry into our family?" Felix's mother spoke this time, and you felt a little more at ease speaking to her. The question was one you'd practiced answering a hundred times. A twisted truth, an irrelevant response spoken like a proper answer.

"I know Felix will make a good husband. He's intelligent, and charming, and he will make a wonderful king one day." You said, turning to smile at him, and he smiled back, his cheeks tinting pink at the praise.

"How can you claim to want to marry someone you hardly know?" The king spoke again, this time aiming the sharp words towards Felix. He cleared his throat.

"I know them well enough. And I know where you stand on the fair folk, I wasn't going to rush into an introduction just to let anyone else come between us." He said. You hadn't ever heard Felix be so stern with anyone, and it was more jarring than you'd expected. "But I've wanted to be with them for a very long time now, and I know them better than nearly anyone in this place knows me."

His words hung in the air, and it almost looked like his mother wanted to call him to her, but she didn't. His father scoffed, and once again your heart sank.

"How long have you even known them? A month?" He asked.

"Centuries. We met as children at a masquerade a long time ago. And I've wanted to be with them from the moment I laid eyes on them." He said. And he said it with such conviction that you damn near believed it was true. The way he looked at you, the glimmer in his eye, you swallowed and lowered your eyes to the ground. "And now I get the chance to spend the rest of my life with them. I'd be a fool not to take it."

Once again it was quiet, and you looked up at them. Both of them were staring at you, sizing you up as you stood in front of them, and you ached to run away. Somehow standing here was even more terrifying than standing in front of the entire populace of your country. You could feel the anxiety building, the overwhelming want to simply not be there anymore, your engagement be damned. You were shaking again, and your breath was picking up too fast.

Felix's hand found yours, his fingers folding between yours and squeezing your hand tightly like you had squeezed his before. He soothed the shaking, holding you steady without so much as a tremble in the stare that he sent back towards his parents. He was protecting you at all costs, that had been his promise. And you trusted him, more than you trusted almost anyone. He wasn't going to let you down. This was going to work out.

"Your father approves of this?" The queen addressed you. You nodded.

"Yes, ma'am. He thinks Felix is lovely, that he'll make a good addition to our family and country." You answered her calmly. "And he knows that I don't take important decisions lightly."

"And you don't think there are any suitors that would be a better fit for...your kind?" The king questioned, leaning back in his throne as if you weren’t the wasted energy to sit up.

"I don't think there are any suitors who will understand me or my devotion to my people the way that Felix will."

"Are there other suitors at all? You seem quite keen on choosing my son."

"You don't seem keen on me choosing your son at all," You noted. "I can understand your hesitance, and I mean no disrespect, your majesty, but it doesn't seem fair not to trust your son's judgment. I've never met anyone as devoted to his people as Felix, he would give up anything for the things that he cares about. I admire that very much. And whether or not I have other suitors – which I do, I might add – he's the only one worth my time."

The room was growing quite warm, or maybe that was the way your anger was coming to a rolling boil in your chest. You were waiting eagerly for him to say another terrible thing about you, or your people, or, god forbid, about Felix. That didn't come, however. His father was entirely subdued by your statement, clearly biting his tongue. Instead, his mother smiled.

"It's getting late. I'm sure our guest is hungry and exhausted after such a long trip. How about we all get ourselves ready for dinner?" She said, standing up and smoothing her gown out. She looked at her husband, clearly not intending to take no for an answer. He nodded, and you bowed again.

"I'm grateful for your hospitality, your majesty." You said before Felix tugged at your hand. He bowed his head towards his parents and led you out of the room. You pulled your hand from his once the door was closed.

"Can you show their guards to their rooms?" Felix requested. You nodded for Changbin and Jisung to follow the staff down the hall, promising that you'd see them as soon as possible to fill them in on anything they missed. Once it was just the two of you, you turned to Felix with fire raging in your eyes that hadn’t been there moments before.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing Lee Felix?" You snapped. He looked taken aback by your rage, his eyes going wide. He'd believed Changbin when he said that you could handle yourself, but this was downright terrifying. "Talking about us having met before, the story about the ball? We talked about this, I can't lie. You cannot risk backing me into a corner like that. I'm trying so fucking hard to be considerate, and you aren't even thinking about how you might impact me. You’re not the only one playing this game.”

Felix reached out, grabbing you by the shoulders and squeezing.

"What happened to trusting me? Tell me, did we meet before the day I showed up in your kingdom? Before the day I asked you to marry me?" He asked. You rolled your eyes, opening your mouth to say no, but the word seemed to slip away, just out of reach. You pressed your lips together at the familiar feeling of trying to tell a lie, the way it sucked your voice away and made you feel faint.

"We'd met before." You said after a moment, after the full realization that you couldn't say you didn't know him. "You never told me?"

"I didn't think it was relevant."

"Idiot." You shook his hands off of your arms, still frustrated that he'd managed to trick you, but much less angry than you'd begun.

"Don't you remember? At the human masquerade ball when we were young. During the winter holidays?" He asked you. You thought, it had been so long ago that it was tricky to decipher the moments from one another, all of the memories swirling together.

You weren't sure where your father had gotten off to, but you were left alone in the room full of people, the music was loud, and the voices that battled to be heard by one another were beginning to grate on you. There were plenty of adults around, talking about things that you didn't really care about. The children younger than you were running and playing, likely to their parents' disdain. Human parents seemed more strict about playfulness than your own people. It was strange to you.

You, however, were standing at the edge of the dance floor, watching the swirling pattern of the dress clothes as couples danced and spun around the floor in each other's arms. You loved dancing, but with your usual dance partners not permitted to attend the ball, and the only other person you knew your age being the guest of honor and having his own duties to attend to, you were left to watch on your own.

You stood there on your own for several songs, finally preparing yourself to say goodbye to your friend and beg your father to leave early. But as soon as the thought crossed your mind, a blonde haired boy stopped in front of you. He bowed, and when he straightened up you were met with the brightest grin you'd ever seen. The upper half of his face was obscured by his gold and white mask save for his dark brown eyes. You could see a hint of freckles if you looked close enough, and shone in the light of the ballroom.

"Would you like to dance?" He asked, holding out his hand to you. You looked at it, then at him once again. You didn't know him, at least not as far as you could recognize behind the mask. You took his hand, and let him lead you to the floor just in time for the next song to pick up.

The boy pulled you close, a hand on your waist and the other holding yours as you followed his lead, the string instruments filling the room like a wave of butterflies, the two of you dancing on their wings. He was friendly, and you talked to him all throughout the dance. He was a good dancer too, you noticed. An elf if his ears were anything to go off of.

"Do you know the Prince?" He asked you. You nodded, losing sight of him for a moment as the dance swept you away from him to spin in a circlet of dancers before returning to his arms.

"I do, I met him recently. Our families have been friends for a millennium." You answered. He smiled, and your stomach swooped at the sight.

"He's a close friend of mine, it's unfortunate that we haven't met before this." He said, leaning close to you. He smelled of citrus and damp soil, and honestly it was lovely.

"Well I'm glad we've met now. I was beginning to think I should just leave." You said in response. "But now I have a dance partner. Makes it worth staying."

"Do you like dancing then? That's why you came?"

"Dancing is the closest thing to flying. I haven't flown in a long time." You admitted.

The conversation went on like that, a steady back and forth, digging into things you wouldn't dare to tell anyone who knew you well. It was easy to talk to him, and as the night came to a close, as your mother told you it was time to leave, you were forced to say goodbye.

"Wait," You said, catching his hand in yours. He looked back at you. "May I know your name?"

He shook his head, and his hand slipped out of yours. Your heart sank. You'd known plenty of people who had disliked your people, who had their beliefs about you, however wrong they may be. But that hadn't ever bothered you.

"Because I'm fae?" You asked. He shook his head with a laugh of disbelief.

"No, it's not that," He brought your hand to his lips, kissing the back of it and watching your eyes go wide behind your mask. "But we all have things that are better left a secret, I think my identity is one of those things. But if we're meant to meet again, we will, I'm sure. Until next time."

His lips quirked into a smirk that held a sort of mischief you'd never seen from an elf before, and then he was slipping away into the crowd of people.

The memory had been tucked deep in your mind, buried far enough away that you hadn't thought of it in years.

"You knew who I was?" You asked.

"I recognized your parents, and Seungmin talked highly of you. It was easy enough to figure out." He shrugged, and you huffed again. Annoying, just as he always was.

"You could have at least warned me." You continued your scolding. He bowed his head with a sheepish half-grin that made it incredibly hard to stay irritated.

"I hope you can forgive me, I would hate to have you mad at me for the rest of our lives." He said. You could hear the uptick of a smile in his voice. You ignored it, opting to accept the apology. "Come on, let's get to dinner."

Dinner went about as uncomfortably as one could expect it to. His parents weren't your biggest fans, and the small talk was excruciating. The worst of it was the way they spoke of your people. Underhanded slander and backhanded compliments that stung like a slap to the face over and over again. The fair folk weren't keen on being spoken to the way you were being spoken to, and every comment made you feel more and more like you were being burned alive.

Throughout the night, the conversation weighed heavy. Questions about your intentions, about your dreams for the future. You maneuvered it as carefully as you could, and the whole time you could feel Felix's eyes on you. He tried as well as he could to keep things light, and you were genuinely grateful to have him on your side. It made enduring such torture a little bit easier.

You didn't get to see your friends during the meal, and by the time that you were finally being escorted to your room, it was too late to bother them with your frustrations. You decided that sleep might be the best choice for the time being, you'd at least get a moment with your boys in the morning.

The staff showed you to your room, noting that Changbin was roomed to your right, Jisung straight across the hall. You thanked them politely, letting yourself into the room. The second the door was closed, you were sighing, burying your face in your hands and trying to hide from the world around you. But your room smelled familiar, it smelled like home. Sweet, and light. You opened your eyes, letting your hands fall back to your sides.

The room was large, a sitting area in front of you, and a bed hidden behind bed curtains to your left. And everywhere you looked, perched beside the bed, and on the table in the sitting area, and sat on either side of the window were vases of flowers. Lily of the valley. Your favorite. An unspoken reminder from Felix that he cared enough to give you a piece of home.

You walked to the window, reaching out to brush your fingertips over the delicate flowers and watching as they danced under your touch. You blinked a few times, tears beginning to well in your eyes. This was too much, he was taking too much care to make you feel at peace even in a place that wanted nothing to do with you. You sniffled, letting out a little laugh. Maybe it wasn't love, but how could you wallow in self pity when you were marrying the kindest man you'd ever met?

You made a mental note to thank him for his hospitality, and you wondered if he knew how much he meant to you. You didn't think you'd tell him that part just yet. You sat at the edge of the bed, looking out the window at the river that laid below. The dark made it hard to make out anything else, but it was still lovely, watching the moon reflect on the water even from so far away.

Sleep came quickly once you finally settled in bed for, which you were incredibly grateful for, and the morning was as easy as mornings could be. You, despite loving the world and the chance to be in it, weren't a fan of waking up. However the sun coming straight in the window had other plans for you. So you reluctantly got cleaned up, and settled in the window for a bit more time observing the country from afar.

A knock on your door startled you out of your thoughts, and you fully expected it to be Changbin coming to check on you. When you opened it, however, Felix was standing there looking just as radiant as he had the day before. In his hands was a sizable tray of food.

"I brought you breakfast. I figured you could use a little rest before going back into battle with my parents." He said, holding the tray out for you. You took it, only finally realizing that you were beginning to get hungry.

"Come in," You motioned for him to come inside, bringing the tray of food to sit on the small table. He made himself comfortable, sitting down in one of the chairs and motioning for you to sit and eat. And of course it would be rude to decline such an offer from your host. You sat down, quickly beginning to eat from a bowl of berries that were served up for you.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked. You nodded.

"Yeah, I slept great. And the flowers and everything…It’s all amazing, I really needed that last night." You gave him an appreciative smile, turning back to your meal. Felix puffed up with pride, happy to have gotten at least something right to make you comfortable during your trip.

"Good. My father is busy today, so I can show you around if you want. Or you can just relax." He said. You shrugged.

"Maybe we can do both. We can spend some time here, work out some of the logistics of everything. And you can show me around later if you want to. I'd love to see." You offered him a piece of strawberry on the end of your fork. He leaned forward and took it.

"Yeah, that works for me." He agreed. You smiled, poking at your eggs.

"Right then. So we're engaged, and I'm meeting your family now. I think, for everyone's sake, it's better for us to get on with the wedding as soon as possible. To get everyone off our backs and so we don't have to keep tricking everyone all the time."

If you were being honest, the secrets were getting overwhelming. You were an honest person by nature, and having to keep everything hidden was exhausting. Felix seemed to understand by the way he hummed in agreement.

"Right. So we should get to finalizing everything soon. The date and invitations and stuff? There's some hoops to jump through, right?" He said. You nodded.

"I can handle most of the planning, now that you're back home I imagine you're busier than I am." You said. "Plus I have Changbin to help. He might be a dork, but he's reliable."

"And I can introduce you to some friends, they'll be able to help when I'm busy. But I don't want you to think that you're alone in this either, I want to help." He said. You smiled. He wanted to help? This man and his surprises.

"Right, of course. And I won't make any final decisions without your approval. You will only get one wedding, I'm afraid. You're stuck with me." You nudged at his arm, and he had to note that you'd never touched him so casually. He liked knowing that you were comfortable around him.

"Oh, we’ll have to figure out customs and such. I don’t know much about Elven culture and weddings. If there’s important things I need to plan for, you have to tell me" You said.

Much to your surprise, talking to Felix about your wedding wasn't full of dread. It was actually quite fun to plan it all out. You may even, if you were going to admit it, go so far as to say you were growing excited at the prospect of the wedding. When the first break came around, you'd both been discussing wedding customs for nearly two hours. It was funny how relaxed you were when it was just you and Felix, and you were relieved to see that he felt the same way.

"I wanted to tell you that I really didn't intend to upset you with the story about us meeting," Felix said. "I know it wasn't very fair to assume you remembered, and you're right, I didn't think before I spoke. That might be my fatal flaw."

"It's really fine. I remember always wondering what you were so mysterious for back then. And I never saw you again after that night."

"Honestly, it was ridiculous. I wanted you to try and find me again. I thought you were cute," He laughed. The sort of frantic nervous laugh that he let out when he said something embarrassing. "I figured that since we were both friends with Seungmin it would be easy, but I never heard from you. I asked about you, you know?"

"You asked about me?"

"Yeah, I was close with him for a long time, and I swear I asked about you every time I saw him for a while. He never had any news to report. I actually thought for a while that you stopped talking to him because of me."

You laughed, shifting in your seat to look at him better.

"You know, not everything is about you." You teased him. He laughed too, and you were glad that he recognized your joke. "It's been a really long time since I've been friends with anyone outside my own kingdom. It's just been me, Changbin, and Jisung most of our lives."

"Why?"

"I stopped leaving home. Diplomacy wasn't as safe anymore, it was left mostly to my father. And he didn't like me to leave unless necessary after my mother."

"She passed when you were young right? Not long after we met."

You nodded, looking down at your hands and pressing your lips together. You didn't talk about your mother very often. Honestly, you didn't need to. It had been a long time since you'd lost her, and the sting had finally faded into a nagging itch when you thought about her. But you spent plenty of time at her tree in the gardens, or talking to her when things were hard. She couldn't respond, but it always helped.

"She was fighting in the war. My father didn't want her on the front lines, but she was the best archer that our people had. The battles weren't usually as long winded or as fatal as that one." You let out a laugh, bitter and wet as you blinked back tears. "My father was destroyed. The fair folk marry for life, you know. My parents were the closest thing to soulmates I'd ever seen. Losing my mother made my father bitter. He wanted to take away as much from as many elves as he could. That's why I'm determined to end it. I don't want it to eat away at him any longer. I don't want it to eat away at me any longer."

Felix didn't speak, and you couldn't really blame him for not knowing what to say. You sniffled and cleared your throat. You rarely got so emotional over it all.

"Anyway, where were we?" You said, nodding to the lists that the two of you had been working on. Guests and arrangements. The colors, the flowers. You knew it was involved, but this seemed all too much. The guest list was more than the amount of people you even knew by name, and to think that you'd be signing your life away in front of them all was overwhelming.

"I think we've worked enough for the day, don't you?" Felix asked. You were reluctant, there was only so much time that you could spend, but you gave in. "Let me show you my home,"

The rest of your day was spent walking the castle grounds, exploring all of the places that Felix had played as a child, the places he went when there were things on his mind. It was beautiful, you had to admit. The trees were tall, surrounding the castle like a wall, and you ached to climb into their limbs. The entire country appeared to be lush, darker shades of green than you were used to back home, and the silvery-grey of the palace nearly blended in with the filtered light through the trees.

Hearing about Felix’s life made it feel like this was real, nothing more than visiting someone that you were growing fond of spending time with. The pressure was gone as you followed his lead, watching him show off a rather rusty cartwheel and laughing when you did one in return. You felt like a kid again, the same way you’d felt when you first met him.

The next few weeks after your little tour were busier than you were used to. When you weren't being subjected to the harsh criticism of your future in-laws, you were wedding planning with Felix, and if you weren't wedding planning with Felix you were working on arrangements with his friends. You were grateful for them too, knowing anyone else in the entirety of the country made you feel a little more at home.

However, Changbin had been nagging that the stress wasn't good for you. You knew he was right, but the wedding date was closing in faster than you could really comprehend. You were pacing your room, flipping through the various papers and lists that you needed to finish. You'd had all of the invitations sent out already, and you'd left catering to Chan to sort, but now you were having to decide between the different types of decorations. Who even knew there was a difference between half of these fabrics?

"Will you please just take a break?" Felix begged from where he was sprawled across your bed. He had been helping as much as he could, but he had plenty on his plate too. You shook your head.

"I need to get this taken care of." You tossed a couple fabric swatches to him. "Which one of these is better for the tablecloths?"

He brushed them both aside without a second thought.

"Either one is fine. I don't think it matters that much." He said. You huffed, walking over to pick up the samples, smoothing them out again and putting them back on the table with the others. "Felix, you're not helping. I can't do everything myself, you know."

You rubbed your hands over your face. You still had to organize your final fittings, and Felix's probably since you were pretty sure he hadn't gotten that taken care of either. You sat down in the chair. You had hardly been sleeping, and your head was pounding.

"Seriously, you need a break. Have you eaten? I can have something made." He said, sitting up. You shook your head.

"I don't want to eat, dinner will be soon. I just want to get this shit over with." You knew you were being snippy, and that not everything was Felix's fault, but you were beginning to feel alone in whatever this convoluted engagement was, and it was absolutely exhausting. "The sooner we get this wedding over with, the sooner we can just stop playing this ridiculous game."

With your head in your hands you couldn't see the way Felix deflated, you couldn't see the look of hurt that flashed across his face. He scoffed. Right, game. He had just about forgotten that this was all some game of house, all a means to an end.

"I'm pretty sure I'm just getting in your way now." He said, standing up from your bed. "I'm gonna take a break. We can pick this back up after dinner time."

You stood up too, turning to face him as he reached your bedroom door.

"I just said I wanted to finish this, and you’re taking a break? I know you don't want to do any of this but we have to. You're the one who got me into this, I need your help." You were practically begging now, your voice rising louder than you should have let it.

"I get it, you're stressed. But I don't know why you care so much about this wedding. It's not like you actually want to marry me in the first place. So let's just take a break. It's gonna be fine." His voice was thick, the weight of his words just a painful reminder that he was throwing himself mind, heart, and soul into a one sided marriage. The pain he was willing to endure for his country had no end it would seem.

"Yes I do, Felix." You said, fully shouting now. There was no hesitation as the words came out. He stopped in his tracks, and his eyes searched your face. You tipped your head down, avoiding his gaze at all costs. Your heart was beating hard enough that it was rattling your chest. It felt like you couldn't catch your breath, and your hands were shaking with nerves again. Damn your hands, and damn your anxiety, and damn the world for putting you through stress when all you wanted was a moment to breathe.

"You do what?" He asked. You didn't answer. So again, he asked you. "You do what, Y/N? Tell me."

You do what? You care? You want this? Was that it? You wanted to marry Felix? Of course you did, anyone would be stupid not to. You'd met plenty of people in your life, but none of them were so glowingly good as Lee Felix. He was a dream wrapped up in pretty packaging, and he was good to you. What more could you really ask?

“I want to marry you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to marry you." You said. "I want to do what's best for the people who rely on me, and I want to do right by you. I wouldn't marry you if I was going to make you miserable for the rest of your life."

Felix still looked like a kicked puppy, and you wondered if his mind was racing as fast as yours was, if his body was overheating like yours. Was it stuffy in your room? You moved to open the window, leaning against the window sill and staring at the river.

"I need to get ready for dinner. Can you..." You didn't want to speak for fear of bursting at the seams and spilling your deepest secrets. You were already dangerously close to a precipice that was looking all too inviting. A leap of faith so to speak, a chance to stretch your wings and test the limits of your emotions.

"Right. I'll see you at dinner, then." He said quietly. Your throat felt like it was closing, choking down your breath and your panic in one fell swoop. He sounded almost broken. You'd never heard him sound like that, and it was making some sharp, sour feeling bloom in your stomach. The door to your room closed, and you let out a shaky breath.

It was another hour until dinner, and all you did during that hour was pace your room so much that you half worried you'd walk a hole through the floor. That, however, was the least of your worries. You tried to get some more work finished, but the only thing you could think about was the conversation you'd had, and the look on his face when Felix left. You'd wanted to comfort him, to make it better, to soften whatever blows he was taking.

When you made it to dinner, the conversation at the table was much quieter than usual, mostly to do with the fact that Felix wasn't trying to bridge the gap between you and his parents. As far as they were concerned, you were no threat anymore, but you weren't family either. They had traded contempt for utter indifference that left your encounters with one another dry and empty. You wondered where Felix got his sunshine-y nature from.

You looked up from your meal, across the table to where Felix was sitting. He didn't look like he'd eaten more than a handful of bites in the past twenty minutes since he'd sat down. Although, in all fairness, you hadn't either. You could tell that his parents had noticed the change too, and you bitterly wondered if they blamed you for it. You blamed yourself for it, it would make sense for them to as well.

"Forgive me, I don't feel very well. I think I should excuse myself." You said. The king nodded, and you stood. Felix was quick to stand with you, but you shook your head. "I can go on my own. You should finish eating with your parents."

He sat down slowly, and you turned to leave. You could feel the burning of their eyes on your back, and you pushed down the embarrassment that rose with it. You walked for so long that you weren't actually sure where it was that you were going, down winding halls, up and down unfamiliar staircases until you somehow managed to land in front of Changbin's door. Fate, you figured in the back of your mind, it meant you needed him most right now.

You brought your hand up, knocking a few times and praying that he was inside. You waited for a long moment, seconds of silence ticking by and suffocating you. You knocked again, even louder this time, desperately. You could hear sound behind the door, and you suddenly worried that you'd interrupted something more intimate than you'd like to. How would you have known, you'd hardly seen him with how much you were moving around the past few days. He opened the door, looking baffled but put together enough that it eased your nerves.

"Do you have a few minutes?" You asked, looking away from him, instead focusing over his shoulders into his room. Anything to keep you from having to meet his eye. He stepped aside so you could come inside. You thanked him quietly, walking in and sitting down at the edge of his bed. He moved to sit at the center of it, waiting for you to begin.

The thing about Seo Changbin is that after so many years of being best friends, he knew you better than yourself. He was distinctly good at mapping out boundaries that you didn't know existed, or picking up on the subtleties of your emotions that you could swear up and down weren't there. It's precisely the reason that you would always seek him out at moments like this.

When he didn't speak, you flopped backwards, haphazardly falling into his lap. He laughed, and you smiled, grateful for the change in the energy. You looked up at him, and he put a hand on your shoulder, shaking it lightly.

"Alright, alright. I'm having a hard time with this wedding thing." You explained. His expression softened, his smile fading until it was a shadow over his worry. "I don't want to back out, or anything, it's not like that. But it's stressing me out a lot, and we argued, I guess."

"You and Felix?"

You nodded.

"What was the fight about?"

"I don’t think he cares about this wedding as much as I do. But it's important that it goes well, it's the only one we're going to have. And I don't not want to marry him, so it makes sense that I'd want our wedding to be perfect, right? But he just wants to get it over with. Which I guess I do too, but only because I don't want to carry all of the stress anymore."

You sat up, getting off the bed and beginning your pacing again. Being on your feet always helped you work through your chaotic thoughts easier. You paced, spinning in circles and bouncing on the balls of your feet while Changbin processed what you'd said.

"Right. So you fought because he doesn't want to get married?" He asked you.

"Sort of. We fought because he made me feel unimportant. And then he said that he knows I don't want to marry him and..." You stopped, groaning out dramatically. "I said that I do, and I don't know what I’m doing anymore. I’m so irritated, and I’m tired, and I’m lost"

You knew what you’d meant, but you weren't sure you could fully comprehend how to accept that truth. Admitting what you were feeling was accepting a completely different fate, it would change the entire plan. Most of all, the feeling it gave you made you want to bolt even more than you already did.

"Okay, why are you freaking out?" He asked. You looked at him, stopping your incessant pacing and instead fiddling with your fingers.

"I don't want there to be tension between us, and I don't want him to think that I'm marrying him because I think that I have to." You said after a moment of thinking. Changbin hummed, moving to the edge of the bed and resting his elbows on his knees. Having his attention on you made you restless, shifting your weight from side to side.

"Why are you marrying him, then? If you don’t think you have to," He asked. You didn't like the way he asked; The placement of his words, or the way he'd linger on a thought, mull it over in his head, then pick his words with a distinct care. It felt like a game of chess, all strategy. You'd never been any good at chess.

"Because it'll be good for us, for our countries. And I could do a lot worse, Felix is a good person." You said. Changbin nodded, still looking at you. You knew he was waiting for you to continue, but you weren't sure what to say so you just kept shifting your weight. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, the gentle swaying helped to sooth the racing of your heart in your chest.

"What makes him a good person?" He asked, "How do you feel about him?"

"He's smart, and charming, and he's not as stuck up as he seems at first." You said, a smile growing on your lips as you thought back on how much he'd irritated you when you'd first met him. "He's so passionate about so many things, and he loves when other people are passionate. And when he cares about someone, he cares about them so deeply that it's like they become a part of him."

"Is that why you want to marry him?"

You nodded. Changbin hummed, and you stopped moving finally.

"Y/N," You looked at him, and he gave you a half smile. "Do you love him?"

"What sort of question is that?” You hissed. “You know we’re playing pretend.”

“Do I? Answer the question.”

“He’s a good person, Bin. I mean, he’s smart, and he’s sweet, and he understands the way my brain works, and–”

“Hey!”

Your eyes snapped towards Changbin, your words cutting short. “Do you love Lee Felix?”

“Yes.”

Once again, the word slipped out before you could think about it, before you could dance around the question. And it was as if the entire world stopped spinning so suddenly that it knocked you off your feet. You stumbled back, your mouth agape as you tried to process the confession you'd made.

"Do you love him the way you love me?" Changbin kept pressing, but he sounded more careful now, like the wrong question would shatter whatever strength you still had in your body. You shook your head.

"No. No, I love him like I would rather never run or dance or fly or sing again if he wanted someone else. I love him so much that it scares me to even think about telling him. Because what if he doesn't love me like that? Like he needs me to breathe?" You were growing frantic, your wings flipping and fluttering in distress. Changbin stood up then, grabbing your hands to make you focus back on him.

"It's okay, breathe." Changbin tried, but you were too deep in your head, panic rising and tears welling in your eyes. Damn it all. You groaned.

"I need air," You didn't wait to hear what he had to say, pushing yourself to move, to half run out the door and close it behind you. The hallway felt cooler than Changbin's room had, but it wasn't enough. You weren't sure where you were going all over again, trying to keep your breathing from turning into full blown hyperventilation as you followed the corridor down to the stairs, taking them as fast as you could without falling, and continuing towards what you hoped was the main hall that would at least take you outside. Outside, that was enough to give you a goal to focus on.

"Hey," A voice called out to you, and you felt yourself go dizzy. Were you breathing? You stopped in your tracks, looking over to where Felix was standing. Where did he come from? What had he been doing that had him out so late? Was he looking for you? You inhaled sharply, a gasp for air. Felix was at your side before you could even squeeze words out.

You tried to scramble away from him, to sidestep him so you could keep walking. You didn't know how to talk to him right now. You were unsuccessful as Felix stepped with you, still blocking your path forward. You glared at him, but he didn't budge. Damn him and his unstoppable heart. The heart that had fooled yours into falling.

"What's the matter?" He insisted.

"Get out of my way, Felix."

"Not until you tell me why you looked so upset. If we're getting married, I want to know that you can talk to me. Please,"

You ignored him, moving to shoulder past him, but his hands caught your arms, dragging you back to stand in front of him with a strength that honestly surprised you. You groaned in frustration, shaking his hands off of you. You were crying, which you had been trying not to do. You lifted your hands up, swiping the tears away furiously. Your breath was shaking, and it was starting to hurt your lungs.

"What are you running from? Did someone hurt you?" He asked, reaching up to turn your face back and forth, checking you over for any visible injuries. You sniffled and laughed bitterly. For something that was considered love, it hurt a lot worse than you were expecting.

"Nobody hurt me. I'm just...dealing with some stuff. I'm fine, just leave me alone." You insisted. He shook his head.

"What are you dealing with?" It was hard to look at him what with the way he was looking at you. His brows were pulled together in concern, eyes scanning your face back and forth as he searched for any sign, any hint of what was going on in your mind. And you were absolutely livid that he cared so much, you were fuming, and it wasn't fair because he was just so damn good to you all of the fucking time. Shit.

"You. I'm dealing with you, and this wedding, and my emotions, and I'm sick of it. I’m fucking tired, Felix, and it makes me want to scream." You snapped. He pulled away from you, and your arms felt cold where his hands had been sitting. You wanted them back. "I'm dealing with a million and one things, and I can't even talk to anyone about them because they're nobody else's problems, they're just mine."

Felix looked like he could break down and cry just from seeing you break down, and you wondered if his chest hurt like yours did, like it was empty and caving in all at once. He sort of looked like it did.

"You can talk to me. Even if I can't help, I can be a shoulder to lean on. I know that you and I aren't that close, and I wouldn't ever expect you to do the same thing for me. I know you don't care, and that you think I don't care, but I do. I want to be able to take care of you, I want to be a good husband no matter what." He told you. You sighed, wrapping your arms around yourself like that would be enough to hold all of your emotions inside, like you could squeeze yourself tight enough to keep from exploding. It did not, in fact, help the situation.

"That's the problem, Felix! You want to be good to me so badly and it's making me fall in love with you. And you don't love me back, so you just keep giving me this disgusting sense of false hope, and it's killing me." The confession tore itself from you with a force that made your lungs ache, the sound of your voice bouncing off of the walls and no doubt disturbing at least someone in the palace. The weight was lifted off of your chest, but instead of relief it just made you woozy and light headed. "I can't do this, I can't be close to you any more than I have to because I'm tired of hurting and wanting and waiting for something that just won't happen. I can’t keep being an idiot for you."

You turned, as unfair as you were being, you went to walk away. And he was grabbing your hand, pulling you back into his arms and hugging you to his chest. You melted into his warmth, into that familiar scent of citrus and soil and a warmth like the sun in summer. You clung to his shirt, fingers digging into the fabric to keep him from leaving. You cried, hard and breathless into his shoulder, and he didn't let go.

"You're so stupid, do you realize that? I've loved you for so long. And I've been doing everything I could to make sure you felt it." He laughed, and you could feel the warmth of it seep through the cold, numb feeling that had begun to overtake your body. You looked up at him, at the way his lips curled and his eyes sparked when he looked at you. "I've loved you since the first day I met you. Why else would I track you down after all this time and fight so hard to make you mine?"

"I can't stand you, Lee Felix." You half-sobbed. But it was a laugh, and you were smiling, and even with tears tracking down your cheeks, Felix was so taken with you that he was laughing along with you. "I knew that marrying you was going to be the right decision."

"Don't jinx it, we haven't even gotten married yet."

The music swelled around you, filling the room until it felt like the entire air was beating in time with your heart to the melody. The ceremony had finished a matter of minutes prior, and you were finally married. The ring glinted on your finger in the candle light of the hall. You were overjoyed, your hand intertwined with Felix's as you talked to your guests.

Your friends were there, Changbin and Jisung grinning at you like proud parents. And Felix's, standing beside them now that they were bonding over the love shared by their best friends. You were glad to see them all getting along so well. The room, despite the differences of those within it, was filled with genuine love and adoration for you and your husband. He tugged your arm towards him, knocking you off balance and making you fall into his side. He gave you a smug grin, and you shook your head with one to match. You were still getting used to the feeling of being in love with him.

"What's on your mind?" He asked. You smiled, looking towards the center of the cleared room, how the chairs had been dutifully cleared as per your request.

"We're properly married now," You said, a playful smile growing on your lips. He looked concerned at the way your eyes glinted with a mischief he'd never seen aimed towards him before. "That means you have to listen to me and do as I say. Obedient husbands make for happy lives, you know."

"And what is it you want from me, my prince?" He asked, following you as you strode with confidence towards your friends.

"I want you to dance with me." You released his hand, taking the last few steps towards the other boys. You whispered something to Chan, and he smiled, disappearing to do your bidding as you eagerly tugged at Changbin and Jisung. "It's traditional to dance all night long at our weddings back home. And we agreed to share our traditions, didn't we?"

You grinned as the music changed, shifting into something much more like what Felix remembered from the festival his last visit to your home. It was fast and light, and honestly it was hard not to dance to it. The dance began when Changbin took your hand, and the two of you gave way to the weight of the music, circling one another and spinning until slowly but surely more people joined. Most of them were other fae folk, familiar with the music. Jisung pulled a few people with him, Felix's friends among them, into the intricate twist and turn and twirl of bodies. And you looked at Felix, half obscured by the people dancing with you as you reached your hand out for him, begging him to join.

You looked like nothing he'd ever seen before, with flowers in your hair and light dancing across your face, your smile turned on him. He didn't resist your siren call this time, falling with you into the crowd. He held you close, and the two of you danced surrounded by people dancing around you and nothing else in the world mattered in that moment as the two of you circled one another, his hand on your waist and yours pressed into his chest. The world was just you and him, breathing in time, riding the breeze and basking in your affection for one another. Convenience be damned.

You were the most beautiful like this, in your element, in his arms, and all-consumingly in love.

But you are beautiful

And thrilling, and true

And you would never ask that of me

I would give away the brightest parts of myself

To make you shine like silver,

All of the things I could give to you,

But you say they're worth nothing,

Don't I know that they pale in comparison

To the joy I give you when I fly.

You call it this the beauty mark of love

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