#i really hope people dont think this is real

[b1adie]

thought on firefly drip marketing???

okay i ended up just rambling about firefly in general so this got REALLY long. my bad

well its pretty i like the colors. but i must be honest i really really want her in her armor like at least half of the time. ideally technique skill and ult will have her with the armor on… i am a fan of the dual swords she’s holding in the bg. i kind of wish her pose was different? come on girl you are a badass stellaron hunter. strike a pose. have some swag.

also i had been kind of hoping sam was her real name and firefly was just an alias cuz the kit 🥬 since like a year before the game was even released always had the character named sam. but honestly i do like her picking the name firefly for herself because she is so transgender if you think about it. all the stellaron hunters refer to her only as sam and with he/him and a decent amt of stuff uses they/them too but in the dream world where people can take any form she chooses to be a girl named firefly? despite being created/born for the sole purpose of being sam?

which also makes me wonder like, do the stellaron hunters not know thats armor.. or not know whos actually in it… can she not leave the armor irl or does she choose to hide herself? are they deliberately misleading people by referring to sam as male to hide firefly’s identity so she can more easily like be a double agent if necessary?? she says shes in an icy medical cabin irl, does the armor have some kind of self piloting mode or does she just have to stay in there when shes outside of it…

also i hope she actually has more sam-like personality aspects. like i hope shes actually someone who says shit about setting the seas ablaze and telling kafka not to play with her food and isnt just acting like that to play a role. please be a little fucked up?? please???? i need her to be kind of fucked up i dont want waifu bait i want cool armor warrior ok sorry. like she can still be niceys ofc but i hope her combat voicelines at least are kind of insane LOL

i like the crazy robot that sam was initially assumed to be and i like firefly, so i hope the fact that they’re one and the same doesnt have to come at the cost of diluting either of their personalities/traits/behavior etc.

also wtf do the acronyms in the skills for the sam boss fight stand for. wtf is dgdghr or whatever. is she just growling

#asks

[shittyakechiweekly]

i def hope no one actually becomes too upset with you, esp since im interested in what exactly is the joker interpretation within the dynamic you dislike! sometimes people like to only take the core of their dynamic—their rivalry—and just run with it after that, for better or for worse. but no pressure on answering!

I hope so too! Most people I've encountered in this little community im fostering here on this blog are really nice and usually dont have problems with me taking pot shots at shuake in the greater fandom. at least not outwardly. But i do know that shuake shippers make up a big percentage of my audience, and ive previously run into either a) problems with people who think I hate akechi and participate in akechi bashing and b) people in the p5 tag generally who like to make huge issues out of things like this with others. So im always a little wary in what I say or post.

I'm going to say this in the hopes that others will be understanding. I agree with you, that's a tendency in shuake I dislike. The other thing I dislike is when people have joker not care at all about the murder attempt. I think there is an interesting tension that could exist between the two because of it, but many seem to have joker just gloss over it? like it has no impact on him at all? I rarely see the emotional rollercoaster of emotions that comes from "this guy feels fake af and is a detective" → "oh crap hes gonna kill me" → "oh shit he was coerced into doing this horrible stuff." There's real conflict between them, and not just hey you hurt my friends or you did bad things to others we dont know about. Akechi was actively trying to kill joker. There's so much cool conflict you can play with in a romance about that!

#p5 spoilers

[flamboyant-king]

Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.

I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.

I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.

So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?

#i was in there for a week and ill continue partial hospitalization for a few weeks #i hope i learn more and i hope i get specific help to my issues. because whay i learned there didnt directly pertain to me #but having structured daily life felt nice. but it wasnt all relaxing because there were still responisibilites on the outside world #tapping on the window or calling me on the phone. chose the best time for a meltdown. i have taxes and credit card bills to take care of #but if i stress about it now ill jsut be going back to the ER and thats no good. the hospital was so cold dude im glad im home with blankets #this is mr octopus again. im glad i broguh hom to work. i went straight to er from work and if i had no plushie with me #i probably would have stayed longer or be even more mentally unstable and distressed. its good to have comfort items #i dont think i want to know ehat if be like without some kind of companion or grounding item with me. i dont want to imagine me without em #its okay to have a little friend with you. i would be so distraught. everyone loved me there #the nurses the patients the residents yhe social workers the students #mr. octopus made them happy because of his big smile and mine too. the people there did not expect the mass amoutns of stress and depression #in this bubbly happy baby witb a happy pink octopus. one of the patients thought it was the meds the happy pills they gave me #no im jsut naturally like this. or artificially like this. i still dont know how to express or understand my feelings #if what im showing is real or not because i know ill be the happiest in the room wherever i go. maybe its a front or a mask #but when im like that kinda hard to know whats really underneath. they always ask me if im okay but i turn to myself #and its nondescript like ive put a blanket over how i really feel. its weird. the bubbly energy is blinding. #words #mr octopus #mental health #doodles

[krikidilly]

UGGGCCCKKKKKK I WANT TO DIG A HOLE AND BURY HIM IN IT,,

#this whole mini manga is so sweet but it also highlights Rengokus self doubt and the weight of his fathers lack of support #and i really love that.. he is sincerely haunted by this doubt and the fear of never being enough and it like!!! #it makes it so much more special to me that hes so cheerful and works so hard to keep everyone upbeat. he never wants anyone #to suffer with the feelings hes haunted with so he stands as an idol of positivity as best he can.. #and i adore that!!! people dont appreciate his struggles enough i think.. his kindness is a show of dedication and strength to never #giving in to the pain #its literally everything i hope i can stand by tbh.. urkkkkk.. hes so special to me man 😖 #he and senjuro just like me for real💥

[isogenderskitty]

tw suicide mention

this is extremely dark, but like... hear me out. what would steph even do with herself if she had ended up killing pete? she has no family to go home to, no clear aspirations... and i'm sure she doesn't even want to think about the possibility of someday getting over pete and finding someone else. i can't get the idea out of my head that she would've just... hung around long enough to see the lords in black make good on their end of the deal, and then... created a parallel to romeo & juliet, if you catch my drift.

#tw suicide #PLEASE dont reblog this without some kind of tw thank you #honestly? it's fucked up but... part of me would rather she got to be with pete on the other side than see her go home to that empty house #just devoid of any hopes or dreams #and try and find Something to cling to #the worst part is that i can't even really think of anything on her behalf #the press would probably not help either. they'd swarm her for information on her dad's disappearance #they'd make up insane rumour after insane rumour #what does she have to move on to???? #hatchetfield #npmd #stephanie lauter #steph lauter #lautski #... kinda sorta. sorry #god this sucks but i cant get it out of my head now #i mean yes given enough time her grief would fade and she could find Something to work towards im sure #but how long would that take and who would even be there to help her?? grace?? she isnt gonna listen to grace for anything ever again #my real hope would be that she somehow ends up at miss retros and miss holloway can help her i guess. #i like the idea of people ending up there in times of crisis #like it's a little oasis in hatchetfield

[the-cookie-of-doom]

for a while now, I've really been doubting my career choices with nursing. I know a lot of it is burn out and depression, and being so overwhelmed between work, school, and clinical, that I didn't have time to breathe. I was in the hospital/on campus for 60 hours a week last semester, and that's not counting the time I had to study outside of that. It was awful. I quit my job because of it, I was almost involuntarily committed because of it.

But the scariest part for me has been how much I've hated clinical. It makes me miserable. And that's terrifying, because once I graduate? That's what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. So if I already hate it now, what does that mean for my future?

Sometimes, though... Sometimes I'll have a clinical that is just so good, it reminds me of why I'm doing this. Why I'm putting myself through the pain and suffering of becoming a nurse, which is honestly one of the hardest careers a person can have. It's mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. It destroys your body and your mental health. Most of the time it's thankless. It doesn't pay nearly enough for what we go through.

Despite all of the reasons there are not to become a nurse, there are some patients that will remind you why it's all worth it anyway.

Last week, I had a crotchety old bitch of a patient. She had been in the hospital for 10 days, was refusing all of her treatments, screamed at anyone that came in her room, and demanded dilaudid around the clock, despite having no injuries to justify it. Everyone hated her. Her own nurses went in her room as little as possible; I think in the entire 12 hours I was there, her nurse spent maybe a total of 20 minutes in her room. I was in there for hours. A couple minutes at a time in the beginning just so she could warm up to me. Then I spent 2 straight hours at her bedside just talking to her. Letting her tell me her life story. Which was tragic, of course, and no wonder she was so run down and bitter and wanted to get high off narcotics. She was miserable, lonely, and in chronic pain from a body that was deteriorating around her.

So I spent as much time with her as possible. Sure enough, she didn't ask me for any pain medications a single time, once she realized she could trust I was going to look after her. I Explained her medications and her treatments, and the reasoning behind them. I offered to reach out to out chaplain when I noticed she was hyper focused on some televangical broadcast. I got her to call her son to come visit her. I got her to agree to take her medications and allow us to take blood sample for her labs, which were days overdue. I got her up and working with physical therapy so she could start walking again.

By the end of the day, that patient loved me. Not a single complaint all day, she wasn't screaming down the halls and cursing everyone's existence. She was still crotchety and mean in that way old hillbillies are, but she wasn't angry. She wasn't lashing out. She was finally being cooperative. All because I took the time to talk to her and offer her company.

Tonight, I had a shift in our mental health unit. There was a patient who I noticed was very withdrawn and avoiding everyone, mostly just standing in a corner at the end of the hall, by a window. I went down and talked to him. Kind of stilted at first, but slowly he opened up to me. I really only meant to talk for a few minutes, mostly for my own sake, to get used to interacting with mental health patients like this.

Instead, we talked for hours. Nearly 3 hours straight at the start of the day alone, and then more throughout the day. My feet were killing me by the end of it, but it was completely worth it to see the way this poor guy came to life. We talked about everything from social topics like music and movies, to his medications and treatments, and how to manage his depression once he leaves. Something I was able to connect with him about on a personal level in a way his nurse hadn't, because I've been living with depression for a decade, I've been on antidepressants, and I understand. I think that was the point it clicked for him, when he really started reaching out to me, instead of answering when I prompted him. Because humans need connection and understanding.

By the end of the day he was talking freely and smiling nearly non-stop. We'd made plans for him to get back into an old hobby he hadn't touched in years, and he seemed genuinely excited to start it back up again. He was nearly bouncing in place when I went to say goodbye to him at the end of the night, and thanked me for talking to him all day. Even the staff nurses noticed the way his demeanor had completely changed.

Another patient (my actual patient for the night) started the day very combative. To the point she had to be redirected to her room (not locked up, just strongly encouraged to go and cool down). She was screaming at everyone, having some very serious and severe delusions. Same story; I talked to her throughout the day, little bits whenever she was feeling calm. I noticed she had a tattoo from an old semi-niche XBox game I used to play, and we bonded over that. By the end of the shift she loved me. Kept asking me if I'd gotten lunch/dinner, made sure all the other patients on the unit got their snacks, told us all to get some rest once it was curfew for the unit (we had to stay another 2 hours) and said we could use the spare bed in her room if we needed. Which sounds really weird but coming from her was incredibly sweet. Again, total attitude change.

I am very cognizant of the fact that the way I approach my patient care is largely a privilege of still being a student. It's easy for me to stand at a patient's bedside for 2 hours straight and listen to her life story when I have nothing better to do, let alone 3 other patients to take care of. But that nurse didn't talk to her at all. Even when she was in the room, she dismissed everything the patient said. The mental health nurses? Most of their time is spent in the nursing station gossiping and messing on their phones. There's no reason for them not to put in the extra effort of spending time with their patients. And especially there, it can have such an impact.

All of that is to say, I love the relationships I'm able to build with my patients. It's so important for me to be able to connect with people like this, to make them feel seen and cared for and important. No one wants to be treated like an inconvenience, especially not while they're in the hospital, sick and hurt and exhausted and in pain.

Nights like these are why I'm going into this field. I love medicine and I always knew I would end up in the hospital, I've always wanted to be able to save someone's life. But I think now that I've grown up and I'm actually working with these patients, I've come to see not only how rewarding it is to save someone's life, but to nurture that life, too.

#cookie speaks #dont mind me i'm just feeling really sappy #im really proud of what i was able to accomplish with that patient today #he's going home tomorrow and i really hope he's able to do the things we talked about #i truly love being able to help people this way #i want to be the kind of nurse that people remember #i want my patients to feel taken care of and cared for #i dont have a single maternal bone in my body and i never thought i was much of a caretaker #but this is genuinely such a rewarding experience #i dont care how hard nursing is when I get to have days like these #I know it won't be nearly as easy once I start nursing for real #ill have so much more responsibility #but for now I'm going to take advantage of my ability to sit and talk with my patients for hours at a time #i think even if they aren't psychiatric patients #everyone wants to be heard #having someone's undivided attention makes you feel good #especially in this day and age where people are constantly talking over each other and distracted by their phones and never really present #in a conversation #so I always try to give that to others #i love therapeutic communication lol #one of my favorite parts of nursing #anyway

[bmpmp3]

theres nothing i can really say about the miku expo screen situation that hasnt been said a bajillion times over by others (especially since i didnt realize they were going worldwide with this tour until shit went down orz) but it does make me think about the old niconico vocaloid concerts, which if i remember correctly do use screens, but they like. have fun with it: they use multiple screens (the comments scrolling on the side screens LOL), do all kinds of mashups and remixes and arranges and play with inside jokes and live actors and performers like the fucking cult or whatever at the beginning of the 2016 concert or like the MIME? 2015? THE MIME? im still hoping some day on this earth i can experience something as cool as that echo x hibikase performance....

miku and gumi fucking ironman-posing into the bottom screen kills me every time its SO good. let the girlies jump through screens!!!

#the expo.... it is so sad....shes stuck in that black box....free miku...free miku #im glad the energy in the audience still seems to be there tho! i hope people are having fun! #but it is a bummer. i always wished the official concerts did more with their screens when they used them #i think they really should have either gone hologram or they needed more than one screen. they dont have to go as hard as nnd cause thats #PROBABLY extremely expensive BUT even just like one or two smaller displays with the main one to have some real estate to mess with #the way the nnd party videos end up are SO fun like theyre jumping through different screens theres all kinds of #props and environments and effects everywhere. even tho theyre obviously using just the mmd models #so theyre not as beautifully rendered as official crypton concerts they make up for it by getting sillay #AND theyre can use other vocal synths like teto is here. teto is here

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#that's 2 of 3 partys in my moms honor down. this one was our childhood neighbor friends #which it was really good to see them but it was really just a party. no one really talked about her at all. the subject was avoided #i think bc ppl r awkward abt it. like im fine to talk abt it. it happened. i dont see a point in avoiding it #but im also not the most socially adept. which i did pretty good talking to ppl but i was still the most awkward one there #and idk this experience has really taught me that u should have a lot of friends and a spouse bc i dont kno how a person like me could go #thru what my mom did and survive if i didnt have my dad. so i guess i have to con someone into marrying me #id b difficult to marry. im difficult to b friends with. im too avoidant of any people #im gonna die like that lady from 6 feet under with no friends. like a fridge fell on her or something. idk #but i cant die bc my dad cant go thru this again. i dunno. well see what life throws at me #also. my childhood friends r a lot of real smart ppl. like a lot of engineers and medical doctors #they make me feel so dumb. but alas. im but a humble environmental Science person #ay. i dunno. it was fun but im drained #and my cousings boyfriend is still a fucking freak who harasses animals. he really upset one of our dogs #my sister says she can imagine him murdering someone and tbh so could i. so i hope my cousins safe #unrelated

[lunarharp]

wip thing...

of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)

they mean the world to me

#bg3 spoilers #?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say..... #it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me. #i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee #i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable. #bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen #makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there. #dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it #augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH???? #my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way. #Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3 #I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE #AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY #grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear #truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol #if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life #being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer. #Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this? #For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online #someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this. #why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness? #What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...? #hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!! #i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful. #but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting. #I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself #I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing. #I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come. #Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......

[fizzingwizard]

"My brother had no regard for her; his pleasures were not what they ought to have been, and from the first he treated her unkindly. The consequence of this, upon a mind so young, so lively, so inexperienced as Mrs. Brandon’s, was but too natural. She resigned herself at first to all the misery of her situation; and happy had it been if she had not lived to overcome those regrets which the remembrance of me occasioned. But can we wonder that, with such a husband to provoke inconstancy, and without a friend to advise or restrain her[...] she should fall?" - Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

#jane austen #sense and sensibility #literature #the level of sympathy and compassion and understanding of the human heart #we think of historical eras as either moral and right or depraved always one or the other #and that the morality of the first was upheld by the stern treatment of anyone who acted out #and by extension that depravity is brought on by a lack of rigidity #but the struggles and paradoxes that are part of being human were just as real and just as common and people DID understand them #its only the base and unimaginative who think everyone can be fit into one righteous box if they just try hard enough #never acknowledging times they failed their own standards or maybe without ever having been tested at all #its easy for someone who is happy to judge someone who is unhappy #and we have always known this and it's always been true but we're still dealing with the same unbending personalities who are so loud #just the other day i was in an internet fight where multiple people were claiming that if someone says no to regular sex they are cheating #the possibility that they just have a low sex drive or are going through something was called an exception too rare to matter #the possibility that people are different and not everyone wants the same amount of sex and sex is really very awful when you dont want it #was laughed and sneered at. whats more a partner who accepts their partners sex drive for what it is was called a beta lol #being compassionate and understanding of people you love = beta behavior LOL LOL #this is why we cant have nice things. relationships should be based on support and communication and openness #to the reality that people change sometimes in ways we like and sometimes in ways we dont. nothing is forever. #my two thoughts that entire thread: i hope the men who read this arent intimidated out of standing up for their female partners. and #i hope the women reading this understand you have to believe in yourself despite all of it. despite everything the world throws at you. #of course women can be mean and selfish just as much as men and of course mens needs and feelings matter and so does keeping commitments #but no one has a crystal ball and if you enter a relationship expecting things will always be A Certain Way you're in for a rude awakening #especially if all you do to promote what you want is to badger and pressure and shame your partner for being an imperfect human #tangent but its just these things are so timeless. we should know better now. there's got to be something wrong with us that we don't

[femboty2k]

should I feel this way about a video game? Am I stupid?

#I have #so so so so many things in my heart and in my mind about fucking final fantasy #and like #half of it isnt even about the story or the game itself #just #what ive been through getting into it #who ive met #who I dont really talk to anymore #these odd pangs of loneliness and loss I feel when I play #im finally getting up to current content #and I just #I dont know #it feels like a big deal to me #it feels like I made it somewhere #this game has effected me very deeply in a lot of ways #it was and still kind of is central to my social life in a way nothing really has been since like #fuck I dont know #homestuck? #real punch in the throat there i know #but I cant think of the last time I made/ruined/grew relationships with people in this way #its so odd #im so odd #im dumb im really dumb #its just a video game #but #I dunno #to me its been a lot more #I hope I have words for it someday #I hope my head lets me say them #hear feel think

[v-arbellanaris]

da4 doesnt matter to me because as far as im concerned everything is au after da2. sorry everyone

#i still can't believe inq is a real game (derogatory). sorry about it #instead of playing inq i'd rather play gow or gow ragnarok. which i HAVE been doing lmao #i'd rather play bg3 and honestlyyyyy the direction theyre taking da in is sort of. ehhhh to me? and has been since inq sooo #im not really invested. like ill eventually play or watch pts i guess but im still mucking around in dao #i dont think da4 is going to do that for me. i might be wrong but my gut feeling after absolution is just that #wherever theyre taking this is not gonna be super interesting or new or fascinating to me. i feel like they kinda missed that boat w dai #with all their ''gotcha'' plotlines abt oppressive systems and systemic abuse basically blaming ppl for their own oppression #inq would have been better. if they like. didnt even massively change the storyline but just actively have the inq be BAD - maybe even #unapologetically bad. it couldve been an insightful breakdown abt power and authority and things like that but it wasnt #it couldve been abt people but it wasnt. so really in my head im already prepared to be let down in da4 because da has ALREADY #been letting me down lol. and so far the glimpses ive seen does not indicate to me tht theyre going to shift away from what they were doing #in dai. in fact they look like theyre planning to lean into it more. so! idc abt da4 im just gonna play in the sandpit with the blocks that #they gave me from the first few games and content #i do hope solas rips the veil down tho. i think the solas girlies who support him (me) deserve vindication #tbd #bioware critical #dai critical #da:d critical

[orcelito]

Got the idea of getting a tattoo for my dad, & my sister said she'd be willing to get a matching one with me

This, of all things, has made me cry again for the first time in days

#speculation nation #not a bad cry necessarily. certainly not the chest aching breath gasping kinds of cries i had when things were more fresh #just a few quiet tears. the ache of knowledge that hes gone #and the quiet wish to keep a permanent memento of him. to match how he's formed my very soul. #i had another dream about him last night. another moment of unconscious acceptance. #the first one. i think it was near the start of the week. i was exploring what was in-dream an old school he went to #looking for signs of his old life. #& in the end i jumped down the center of a tall stairwell. with no fear bc i had something to break my fall. #it felt like release. and acceptance. #last night's dream. i dont remember most of it. but i remember seeing him in-dream #then remembering he was actually dead with an ache of true wrongness. #it felt like a different kind of acceptance. one step at a time the truth sinking into my psyche #because he still doesnt feel dead. not really. but with each passing day it becomes a little more real. #i still wish this was a nightmare i could wake up from. or a bad route i could reload a save to avoid. #i sometimes do dream of the deaths of people i love. and i have certainly dreamt of my father's death. #but this time it's real. and i cant wake up from it. #at this point i can only hope to have dreams of him alive again. just like how my dead cats still live in my dreams. #i wish i didnt have to dream of it. i wish he was still here.

[sereniv]

Now again, im saying this from a pretty detached place

as in its not me who is theoretically in danger in this specific sense

but the whole israel brainwashing narrative like whats taught in their schools is basically "palestinians are literally the equivalent to nazis and want to do everything the nazis want to do" etc etc.

So when getting in to the israeli zionist jewish mindset, one should be seeing it as Jews fighting nazis. Thats how supposedly they are brought up believing.

But idk. again it can be because i wasnt brought up with the same fears and stories of actual nazism and everything that would cause someone to hate with such...palpability?

But for me, as much as i hate fascism and nazis and bigots and the like, when i see a baby, a child, even one being brought up in a literal neonazi household, as in homeschooled on nazi values

I dont feel hate towards the child. i dont see them as not human. i wouldnt cheer for their death or even seek to kill them

at most, and generally, i would wish that baby being taken away from proven-to-be nazi indoctrination (as oppose to the supposed view israeli zionists have on palestinians)

But I see so many videos and writings of Israeli zionists (jewish specifically) that cheer for palestinian babies dying, that brag about killing toddlers or children.

And its not like they dont have access to other view points, to videos.

I just dont think its based in any type of fear like they like to claim. I think some yes, just like not all israelis are jewish nor zionist nor anti palestinian.

But from what ive seen i just dont buy that the zionist cilvilians are driven by fear that which they grew up being taught to feel- as is claimed

I think for a lot its an illusion of fear? Like theres the genuine fear of antisimetism which is true and real and as jewish people even zionists have every right to have that fear.

And then theres the fear they say they have of palestinians (and those fighting for palestine) that they say is nazi/antisemitism and THAT is where i think a lot of them are lying.

I think they accept that narrative but dont actually feel it. I dont think most feel the same fear they feel with real antisemitism.

And this is exluding actual antisemitism coming from pro palestine side which is definitely happening, and also excluding any true misinterpretation (which that sounds confusing but idk how to explain it. theres layers)

its like so much other evidence ive seen where its one sided attacks and hate in like, Jerusalem where settlers will attack anyone not jewish (like that video of the Christian being spat on which i dont believe was palestinian?)

bottom line, majority of zionists know what they are doing to a degree and dont care bc they have grown up as bigots.

Like white supremacists who "fear" for the white decline, who grow up as a bigot. They dont fear in the way one would actually fear oppression and eradication.

Does this make sense? can someone say it better

Also to be clear This blog is Pro Jewish, Israel is Antisimetic and doesnt speak for all Jews etc

#like so many talk of growing up with fear of palestinians #but then instead its just hate #i just cant imagine the stuff ive seen people say and boast about being rooted in fear #which i guess hate is fear wtvr but i mean like #idek if i can articulate best i dont have vocabulary #and i get that like the oppressed are allowes to celebrate the deaths of their oppressors. thats normal #but with information able to get. and like not to be all 'innocent babies and children' #but fr any child of any dictator or genocider or nazi or bigot i just feel bad for the child #even a toddler even a 12 year old who is fully indoctrinated. past 12 idk. its base by base #and like this whole thing is even more complicated when you think of reuabilitation #but overall so many signs point to just lies. so many fucking lies #and its making it worse for every other jew around the world. i mean among other obvious things like GENOCIDE #like antisimetism is a real fucking thing and it just seems like they are using it as a cover #each pro palestinian genocider. like fuck you. #i recognize im cozy up and privileged so my interpretation could be off #anyway #i really hope its understandble what im saying #and i hope someone can saynit better bc this is all jumbled #palestine

[miguelo-hara]

I got my account back, but you might’ve been unfollowed from me!

so you might’ve noticed that my account was gone for like a week, unfortunately it got suspended but I got it back now!

BUT, unfortunately there are some technical difficulties with my account, the biggest problem being that it unfollowed a bunch of people from me :(( 

I don’t care about follower count, but I just want to let people that enjoy my blog know that I’m back and that tumblr might’ve unfollowed you from me!

signal boosts are appreciated!!

tagging some mutuals/people I was mutuals with:

@userkenobi @javier-pena @darksber @di-n @adricnchase @trashcora @tesb @kenobismullet @dindiarin @keanurevees @joel-millerr @steveroger @mrcspectr @edwardmunsen @djarsdin @sith-maul @maevemillay @star-wars @skyshipper @pedrorascal @300mirrors @bladesrunner @djarin @obihoekenobi @themarshalstale

#.txt #the annoying thing is i don't even know how many people got unfollowed because my followercount barely changed #and it's so annoying to know my followercount isn't accurate ugh #also support sucked so hard i sent like 4 emails with basically no response #so i dont think theyll be able to help me with this issue 🙃 #and if you think tumblr unfollowing people is a hoax (like i did before this): #i checked with some.mutuals who let me know that they actually were unfollowed from me so unfortunately its real :/ #and i really don't want to have to move accounts so i hope this'll help 😭

[autism-corner]

i cannot believe theyre making me watch a fucking romantic movie man.

#good for you if thats your shit but. not for me <3 #i dont think i have ever seen a romantic movie by myself. if were not counting bl anime that is. which im not. #AUHG. #its sucks so fucking much. #they show the guy having made breakfast with his robe untied. 6pack showing etcetc. and i want to throw up <3 #its taken me 35 minutes to watch the first 20 mins good lord. #i am desperately hoping that it takes an interesting turn and doesnt just follow the romcom plot. :) #(i know it will not) #ich bin dein mensch btw. #ugh. #listen i realize i am also a robotfucker. but not if that robot looks like a cishet man. or real at all. #theres a line between real people and. fictional drawings. that is really uncomfortable for me to cross. #yay #(<- aroace discovers the horrors of allo's) #sillyposting #augh.