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#i really miss having math because I feel like I'm just getting more and more stupid with each year...my brain needs exercise
writingouthere · 2 months
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bestfriendsbrother!Sukuna x pregnant!reader one-shot
summary: you're excited to finally share with all your friends that your pregnant when the party is interrupted by your best friend's older brother, who you didn't invite, but who you did have unprotected sex with less than two months ago.
cw: reader is pregnant, Sukuna is a bad dude, possessive behavior, minor smut, still as usual nicer than it sounds because I can't help it.
**************
"I'm pregnant!"
Your news is met with a period of silence before your friends look at each other, uncertain as to how to react.
Nobara finally breaks the silence, an eyebrow raised. "And we feel...."
"We're happy about it," you say and your friends are then quick to congratulate you. You hear some sort of scuffling happening behind you and you turn around to see Yuuji unfolding a "We're having a Baby!" banner which makes Megumi nearly jump out of his chair.
"Holy shit, did you two-"
"No!"
"Ew, no!"
Yuuji frowns at you. "The 'ew' wasn't necessary."
You and Nobara scoff. "It was," you tell him. "And I say that with all my love."
"Okay, so if this idiot didn't knock you up-"
"Hey!"
"-then who did?"
You'd been expecting the question and had prepared for it. "It was just a one night stand, he's not really father material." Everyone looks like they want to ask more questions so you smile at them, genuinely happy they all look ready to commit a crime for you. "It's okay, I have a good job and this is something I've wanted for a long time. This baby will be really loved because it will have me and, I hope, all of you."
Your friends are quick to agree and there's some lighter questions about potential names, nurseries and Nobara and Todo are looking at her phone debating baby onesies, when the door to you and Yuuji's apartment opens and someone you had definitely not invited comes in.
"Sukuna! You're late, you missed the big news," Yuuji calls out as he walks over and claps his brother on the back. A few people call out greetings as Yuuji's older brother looks around the apartment. His eyes linger on you for a second, a smirk tugging up on his lip before he notices the sign hanging crooked over the kitchen doorway and he laughs without an ounce of humor.
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me, you knocked someone up? You irresponsible piece of shit-"
"It's not his and don't kill him, you asshole," Megumi says from where he has now joined the onesies discussion and points over at you. "It's the other person who lives here."
Sukuna pauses from where he was about to murder his brother, to look back over at you. You wonder if his brain is doing the same cursed math that you had done when you were hyperventilating, holding a stick covered in your own pee, but before he could ask anything, Maki ended the silent stand off.
"And we're happy about it, so get happy you piece of shit."
With that, the party continues on, people breaking off until little groups and snacks being placed strategically throughout the apartment.
You're feeling thirsty, and a little exhausted from the burning stare that's been directed at you for the past hour when you excuse yourself from where Miwa and Mechamaru had been talking about their own future plans for children, who you're sure would be socially inept but gorgeous enough to make up for it, and made your way to the kitchen.
You were pulling out some water, no alcohol for you even though you really needed it, when you felt someone's presence behind you.
"So when were you going to tell me we were having a baby?"
"Never, because it's not yours," you answered firmly, slamming the door to the fridge for good measure. Sukuna leaned against the cabinet next to you but you'd known him long enough to see the pose for what it was. A ruse, a performance of casualness. The fingers on his hand tapped against his arm like he was playing the piano, one of the few tics he had that showed when he was feeling, well just feeling anything in general.
"Oh please, you're not fucking anyone else."
"You don't know that and we're not fucking, we fucked once. Singular, past tense."
He laughed and looked down at you, the same predatory look he'd had the night he'd helped you make this child.
"And once was all it took huh? Fucked you so good, you're going to have my baby," he says, voice mocking and he stands up to his full height which puts him over you. He takes the glass of water you're really regretting now, and places it on the counter opposite the two of you.
"It-it's not your baby," but you don't sound sure and he knows it and he presses up against you until your back is to the counter. Nowhere for you to run.
"It's mine, just like you're mine. I don't know who you think you're kidding with this denial of me but it's done now, sweetheart."
You go to answer him and Sukuna covers your mouth with his hand like the rude fuck he is and then leans down, his mouth next to your ear. You look around, worried someone might see you but the gap between the fridge and the counter conceals you both and the room next to you keeps getting louder and louder. The sun had set and there were maybe some lamps in the living room, but here in the kitchen it was dark.
"I let you have your space and your time, two months of it actually. I let you have your little moral crisis about fucking a criminal and it being the best dick you've ever had wah wah, but I was impatient before I knew you were having my baby, and now," he leans back so his eyes, and they're on fire his eyes, are level with yours. "I'm done waiting."
You tug on Sukuna's hand and he rolls his eyes before removing it from your mouth and places it on your hip which doesn't seem like a good trade-off but at least you can speak again.
"What does that even mean?" You ask him, your voice showing the incredulity you're feeling but if Sukuna had anything, it was audacity.
"I mean I'll give you a week to tell your friends you're having our baby and that we're getting married." He says it so seriously that you can't help but laugh which seems to be the wrong response when his other hand moves to your hip as well and squeezes, tight.
"We are not getting married, are you out of your mind?"
"Why not, we're already having a baby, are you going to deny me the ability to live with my own child."
"Still not your kid, and we can't get married Sukuna. We never even dated! We fucked one time, that doesn't mean we should just be together forever."
"We fucked for one night, it was more than one time-"
"Not the argument you think it is," you interrupt him but you still let him pick you up and place you on the counter. You sit there while he runs his hands up and down your thighs, the sounds of the party washing over the two of you as you stay in your little bubble.
"We'd be good together," he finally says. "Not just because I knocked you up on the first try." You hit him but he just smirks and moves his hands more purposefully on your legs. You let him pull them apart and step between them even though warning bells are going off in your head, telling you these are moves you'd seen before and they had led to you being in the predicament the two of you were debating in the first place.
"It's inevitable, the two of us. You can say you hate me, or that I'm not a good man, and that's true. But there's a reason why you've never stayed with any of those nice boys," he says and his hands slips up the skirt you're wearing to get at your bare thighs underneath. "Because you don't want a nice guy, you don't want a good man, you want me and I'm too selfish to let you keep torturing both of us by doing this pretending shit."
The fingers on his right hand press against your cunt through your panties while his other hand squeezes your thigh and he moans sinfully into the quiet air.
"God, I knew I didn't make up this warm, wet cunt. Been fucking my fist until I chafed the past two months just thinking about it."
You whimper as he moves your underwear aside and slips one finger up and down your slit, not touching your clit or going where you want him, but doing enough that you move against his hand.
"This does not mean that we should get married," you protest and he teases a finger against your opening, pulling it back when your hips tilt up in an attempt to get him where you want.
"Why not? I heard pregnant women get super horny, what are you going to do without me around to make sure this filthy pussy gets stuffed just the way she needs." He finally slips one finger in, his thumb moving to tease against your clit, just the way you like it and your head smacks back against the cabinet. He moves the hand that had been on your thigh up so he can cradle your head.
"I'm sure I could find someone willing to help me out," you say scoffing and his hand freezes which makes you whine a little and try to get him to move again but his legs limit your range of motion.
"You ever try to fuck someone else ever again and the coroner is going to have to get dental records to figure out who the dumb fuck with no fingers, no eyes and no cock is, you got it?"
He's not joking, you know he's not joking but it doesn't stop you from leaning forward until you finally get your lips on his. He hums into your kiss, cupping your cheek in his free hand while the other one goes back to opening you up. You're so wet that the kitchen fills with the sounds of his him finger fucking your cunt but you can't even find it in yourself to be embarrassed. He's not wrong that pregnancy has made you more sensitive, or maybe it's just you not having gotten laid since the two of you had slept together.
He's got three fingers in you when you come and he swallows your moans greedily with mouth while his fingers slow inside of you, curving just right to make you think you could probably come again soon, oversensitive or not.
Before you can test that out, he pulls away from you. He licks the fingers he pulled out of you clean and you you're reminded of how the last time he'd made you come twice just with his mouth.
"Where are you going?" you ask him, a little more breathless than you like.
"We are going home," he tells you, grabbing your hands and helping you down off the counter. Giving you a kiss on your forehead that you would tease him for if you were anyone else.
"Home?" you ask, confused because you are currently standing in your apartment unless his orgasms suddenly give one the power to teleport.
"Yeah, our home, not the shitty apartment you share with my brother. I mean we'll have to get somewhere bigger soon, for our baby."
For the first time since you found out you were pregnant, someone who was not you laid out their palm on your still just the same stomach. There was no change from how it always looked but Sukuna looked smug just the same and you felt like you were still missing a few things.
"What-"
"I mean I can fuck you here, I just thought your sensibilities and the fact your friends were all out there would make you uncomfortable."
Your post orgasm flush finally leaves you and you look up at him in panic. "Oh my god, do you think someone saw-"
"It's okay, Fushiguro kept them out I'm sure."
You don't want to know but ask anyway. "Why?"
"Because he walked in earlier and looked like he'd seen a ghost. Tell me, is the kid still a virgin? He's pretty but I can't imagine he has a lot of good options in your crowd."
When you leave to go to Sukuna's, the only people who don't look confused(or horrified in Yuuji's case) at your departure are Maki and Megumi.
If the confusion hadn't been cleared up by the time the baby came, the pink hair probably answered any follow up questions.
dealing with some writer's block and had this idea. didn't feel like writing a whole smut scene, my b but saving that energy for the next(?) neighborsukuna x singlemom one.
side note: Megumi is scarred for life, for sure. Yuuji gets over his horror once he's an uncle.
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steddiealltheway · 5 months
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Steve can see it in Max. That same loneliness and ache that he finds in himself. For him, it’s result of his parents leaving with no intent to return to him unless absolutely necessary.
He knows he was an accident. Or rather a mistake as his father used to call him when he was particularly angry. But it made sense to him. Steve's the reason his father had to marry his mother. He left him "trapped." And maybe no one says it out loud, but he can tell his mother feels the same way too.
But they must keep up appearances, right?
Which is what Max has been trying to do since Billy died, El moved away, and it's been just her and her mom. But she's been going about it through a different route - pushing people away all while pretending things are fine. But Steve sees the way she picks up the broken pieces of her mom and tries to put them back together - Steve's had to do the same thing before.
So, he starts sticking around a little longer. Offering her more rides to the arcade and around town to pick up groceries when she needs to. Sometimes he'll tell her about a new recipe he's been trying for a casserole and pick up the ingredients, pretending like the milk and butter he bought will spoil by the time he drives home from her trailer.
Of course, they both know it's a lie, but Max humors him and plays along. She'll let him cook dinner while she picks up the bottles her mom left on the floor, dumps out the overflowing ashtray, and feeds the dog. Usually, Steve will ask her what she's learning in school and linger a little longer than usual in hopes that she'll say more than the usual, "I don't know. A bunch of boring stuff."
But lingering has gotten a lot of things out of Max such as her love for Kate Bush, a story about El and how much she misses her, and short quips about Lucas before she gets a sad smile on her face. Steve doesn't really know what to say most of the time, but he hopes that just being there will help.
Unfortunately, lingering and just being there has led him to his current predicament of none other than Eddie "The Freak" Munson sitting on the hood of his car glaring at him as he walks out of Max's place. Steve jumps a little, startled by the figure on his car and becoming more hostile as he sees the expression on his face. He shoves his hands in his pockets and slows his pace. "Is there a problem?"
Eddie snorts humorlessly. "Christ. You're really going to pretend like there's nothing wrong with what's happening?"
Steve's brows furrow, entirely missing whatever point he's trying to make.
Eddie stands up and stalks toward him. "I see you, you know. Always lurking around when her mom isn't home. Coming out of her trailer late at night."
Steve laughs, finally understanding the absurd conclusion he's come to. "Jesus, man. You're delusional."
Steve doesn't expect it, but Eddie sharply shoves his chest and grits, "I don't fucking lie to me, Harrington."
Steve holds his hands up. "I'm not," he firmly states. "Nothing like that is happening here. I'm glad you're looking out for her, but it isn't like that."
"Do you expect me to believe that? Maybe this is why you're always hanging around Henderson and the other kids."
Steve crosses his arms and his jaw tenses. "I'm not a fucking pervert or a pedophile if that's what you're trying to say. I'm just looking after them."
"Why?" Eddie asks, dramatically opening his arms, "Why would King Steve adopt a group of misfits to take under his wing? See, the math isn't adding up."
Usually, Steve would just brush it off and tell the person to fuck off and mind their own business. But his parents have just left town again without leaving a note and Max had snapped when Steve tried to help her clean the place because it looked worse than usual, and he was just generally feeling like shit and angry at his parents and Max's parents for not being there. So he broke, "Because I don't want Max to end up like me! I don't want any of those kids to grow up without a role model. And god forbid if any of those other kids' parents fuck up, and they’re left with only me. I need them to know that I'm there for them! Because sometimes it feels like whenever the world goes to shit, I'm the only one who is there, and I plan to stay there, okay?!"
He finishes his rant breathing a little heavier than usual and noticing that a few of the lights in the trailers have turned on around them. He looks around and awkwardly nods to the people glaring out their windows. God, he needs to get a grip.
When he turns back to Eddie, he notices the conflicted expression, jaw dropped, eyebrows knitted together, eyes searching him as if he's still wondering if he's lying.
A door creaks open behind them and Steve curses under his breath as he hears Max say, "Eddie, leave him alone. Do you really think I would hook up with my damn babysitter? Jeez."
"Language," Steve quietly lectures as the door swings shut. He runs his hands over his face and takes a deep breath. It's been a long fucking day.
A hand lands on his arm and tugs him away from Max's trailer. Steve glances up at Eddie, leading him across the way. "Where are we going?"
"My place," Eddie says.
"Why?"
"So we can talk."
God, the last thing he wants to do is talk to Eddie of all people, the guy he's been actively avoiding since Dustin started worshipping the ground - or rather tables - he walks on. But he lets himself be pulled away in the trailer and practically deposited on the couch in the living room.
He glances up and comments, "That's a lot of mugs."
"My uncle's, but that's not what I wanted to... Christ," Eddie says, pacing in front of Steve and tugging his hair in front of his face. The anxious display makes Steve feel even more tired, but he lets him pace. God, what is he even doing here?
"I'm sorry," Eddie blurts out. "I'm just..." he trails off and rushes over to grab a stool a few feet away before dragging it in front of the couch. He sits on it but his leg still holds that nervous energy as it rapidly bounces up and down. "I jumped to conclusions, and it was really shitty of me, man. I just... didn't believe what Henderson was saying about you and thought 'Oh, this makes way more sense than Steve Harrington being a good dude.' And I'm sorry to accuse you of that. And I... I didn't know about your... parents and stuff. Like I knew they were away a lot because of your parties but... I just never connected the dots. And I'm sorry. No one deserves that shit, man."
Steve doesn't know what to do this whole interaction, especially with it coming from Eddie Munson who he doesn't think he's ever talked to before this moment, but... he needs to hear it. God, he needs to hear it.
Of course, he can't let him know this, so he does what he's best at and brushes it off. "It's fine. You were just looking out for the kids. And really just ignore what I said back there, it isn't that big of a deal."
Eddie worries his bottom lip before he blurts out, "I know what it's like." He pauses and takes a deep breath. "I mean, I know what it's like to have... absent parents. But in my case, eventually, my uncle Wayne took me in, and I can only imagine if he didn't." He gives him a pointed look and lowers his voice, "Do you have someone like that?"
A big part of Steve wants to leave right now, and he knows there's nothing stopping him. But a bigger part of him needs to stay. Needs to talk about the emptiness in his house that he can never truly escape at the end of the day that he can’t talk to anyone about. Because he's not supposed to be weak. He's supposed to take care of the others. So he admits, "No, I don't have... anyone like that. Except Robin but..."
"That's different," Eddie finishes the thought for him.
Steve nods. He loves Robin, but he loves her as a platonic soulmate and not as a parent figure in his life. "You know, I once had this basketball coach in middle school - Mr. Weston. And I remember looking up to him so much. I wanted to be just like him, and I would go to his office during lunch and ask him for advice or talk about dumb shit that my father would never talk about. But he never shamed me for my questions. And sometimes he even packed an extra dessert for me." Steve smiles at the memories and runs a hand through his hair, remembering the day he got the news. "But one time, when I went to his office, he had this look on his face. And I just knew it was bad news. And really, it wasn't bad news to him because his wife was pregnant. But she wanted to move a few states away to raise the kid closer to her family. And it wasn't his fault, you know? It wasn't like he purposely chose to move away from me, but I felt like I was abandoned again."
Steve wipes a tear from his eye and puts his head in his hands. "God, I don't know why I'm even telling you this story. Sorry."
"Don't apologize," Eddie says quickly. He pauses and shifts on the stool, his gaze being far away. "I remember him. He was one of the only gym teachers that defended me against all the shitty middle school bullies. He was a good person.”
Steve nods. God, he was a good person.
Eddie continues, “I'm sorry that he left. And I bet he still regrets leaving you behind."
Steve leans back against the couch and looks away, shaking his head. "I bet he forgot about me."
"You're kind of hard to forget."
Steve looks at Eddie and sees a slight blush on his cheeks as he shakes his head and waves his hands as if trying to make the comment go away. "What I mean is that there's no way he's forgotten about you. Someone who you used to have lunch with all the time to the point of giving you free food... Nah, man. He remembers you. I think you may have been as important to him as he was to you."
The thought breaks away at a wall Steve had built up long ago. "Thanks," he practically whispers.
Eddie just smiles at him, small dimples appearing on his cheeks.
"You didn't deserve it either, you know," Steve says. "The absent parent stuff. Even with Wayne, they should've been here too."
Eddie's smile falters a bit as he swallows and looks at the ground. "Thanks," he mumbles. He looks up at Steve and comments, "Getting sappy with Steve Harrington. Who knew."
"Yeah, getting sappy with Eddie Munson," Steve echoes back at him.
Eddie laughs, "I'm surprised you even know my name."
"You're kind of hard to forget," Steve says easily.
That same blush comes back to Eddie who shifts in his chair a bit as if he needs to process the information with his whole body.
They sit in the moment for a bit before Eddie gets a somewhat serious look on his face and offers, "You know, I'm definitely not a parent figure or anything, but I'm always here and around to talk about that whole thing if you need to."
Steve's heart beats a little faster at the sheer genuineness. "Same here," he can't help but offer in return. He glances down at his watch and sighs, "It's getting late, so I better..."
"Right," Eddie says, standing up and leading him to the door. "Do you need water for the road or anything?"
Steve smiles and pats him on the back without thinking too hard about it. "I'm good, man. But thank you. For everything really."
"Sorry for being an asshole," Eddie apologizes again.
"Usually that's my line," Steve accidentally voices before cringing a bit, wondering further why Eddie's been so kind to him.
But as he opens the door, Eddie comments, "I don't know. It seems like Dustin was right about the whole reformed jock thing. Maybe your crown really has fallen - which is a good thing by the way."
Steve slightly smiles at him before he turns to leave. But he can't help but say, "I wonder what the neighbors will think about me leaving your trailer so late."
Eddie groans then laughs. "Sorry to ruin your image."
"I wouldn't mind," Steve replies, honestly unsure what he means by that. "Goodnight, Eddie."
"Goodnight, Steve," Eddie says, that same blush on his cheeks, only this time Steve isn't sure if it's something he said or a result of the cold night air.
In bed that night, Steve feels a slight weight lifted from him and can't help but feel like he’s a little less alone.
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jedi-starbird · 3 months
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A happier galaxy where the disaster lineage is somewhat less on fire constantly and senior padawan Obi-wan has developed a fixation on Mandalorians:
Sometimes Feemor regretted just how much he had given away when he had spent 5 expensive months bribing a traumatised Obi-wan to call him brother when he was 14. His dignity, for one, his access codes and shadow cloaking techniques, another. So he had a very dignified reaction when he was awoken to the shine of his younger brother's eyes in the dark at the foot of his bed. "I wou-stop screaming it's just me-I would like a Mandalorian. How do I procure one?"
"How the fuck should I know?"
Obi-wan scowled as if Feemor was being difficult, he wasn't, he wasn't quite awake enough for that yet. "You're a shadow, you're supposed to know things."
Ah, if being a shadow granted you the secrets of the universe instead of just a great many planetary governments, Feemor wouldn't spend so much time wondering what dark rituals Dooku had committed to result in Qui-gon Jinn. (He already knew what regular rituals Qui-gon had committed to result in Obi-wan)
"I know that I'm about to punt you out of my room right now."
"...My birthday is coming up, I believe I deserve compensation for all the traumas."
Obi-wan's eyes were very big now. Feemor sighed. He flopped back down into bed. He resisted the urge to pull his blankets back up and roll over. 'Oh sure when it's time to see mind healers everything's fine but now-'
"Shouldn't you be asking Master then?"
"Master would not approve of how I plan to use the Mandalorian."
He squinted at Obi-wan for a long moment. Obi-wan stared back. He did some quick mental maths and tried not to feel old. Eh. Fine. Feemor swung his legs out of bed. "You had me at 'Master wouldn't approve'."
"Do you think I could get one by walking into little Keldabe and asking very nicely?"
As it turns out, yes he could. A few too many in fact, apparently Jedi, their ancestral enemy, in the Mando district attracted attention, who knew? Feemor knew, Feemor would have known if only he had been properly awake when this semblence of a plan was proposed. He stalked through the cantina towards Obi-wan who was leaning slightly forwards against a pillar, ah...speaking, to a Mandalorian with painted orange armour while surrounded by a larger crowd of Mandos. At least they seem mostly amused. He ignored the youngers squawk as he yanked the back of his robes so that he moved away from the Mandalorian and spun him around.
"You cannot solve centuries of animosity by batting your eyelashes."
"I'm not batting my eyelashes " Obi-wan sniffed," I'm shaking my ass, there's decidedly more effort involved."
"I miss when I was an only child." Feemor sighed deeply. He used the force to scruff the neck of Obi-wan's robes and dangle him slightly in the air. He ignored the shouting from beside him and bowed politely to the staring Mandos. "My apologies for the disturbance, this will not happ-" He considered his brother who was now yelling out his personal comm code with a wink. " Please excuse us, this very probably will happen again, we shall workshop it. May the force be with you all."
I don't have a fully planned AU but it is Codywan!!! cause I love those bitches but have some more dialogue I came up with for this AU. I'm imagining them both as like 20-23, Obi's close to knighthood. He's still a padawan for this because I think him causing Qui-gon headaches is funny. Feemor fully thinks this complicated courtship dance Obi's created is funny, he likes studying his little brother like a bug, he just wasn't prepared for him to just waltz into little kelbade and start hitting on people, though he really should have been.
Hand wavy timeline with Jaster alive but the clones are still clones, Jango was kidnapped and held in stasis or something, Jaster claimed them as Mandos. This is really just about Obi's first and biggest diplomatic achivement being friendly Jedi-Mando relations purely cause he was in his thot era. This also somehow saves the galaxy from the sith.
I like to imagine that Cody's brothers recorded that little exchange between Fee and Obi on their helmets and uploaded it online where it went viral on MandoNet before going viral galaxywide because wait holy shit is that a Jedi saying that????. Qui-gon gets called in for a very weird meeting where the council's like ok so the entire holonet has seen your padawan being horny on main but also this is like the biggest jump in our diplomatic relationship with the Mandos in centuries so like can we keep this up somehow? This results in Obi-wan being holonet famous, first through vode recordings but then he starts a space tumblr and twitter account and he's famous now. Then his friends and other jedi start accounts because wait we're allowed to do that? and those become big as well and this is literally the best PR the jedi have had in hundreds of years. the holonet loves them. the sith are fuming.
Obi-wan, scoffing: What were they gonna do? Shoot me? Feemor: Yes. Obi-wan: I don't believe in blasters. Bly: ...like as a concept...? Obi-wan: No, spiritually.
Obi-wan: I'm sure there's a nice Mandalorian we can find for you Feemor: I'm not sure those 2 words belong together Obi-wan: No of course not, we can't find a nice one, then they'd be all alone, we need to find an absolute bastard of one so that you two match :)
Obi-wan: Oh so Master gets to take in pathetic life forms but I don't? This one's already domesticated! Wolffe: Debatable. Feemor: Cody's a person! Not a stray tooka! Obi-wan: Master takes in stray people all the time! That's how he got me!
Qui-gon: How do you explain this behaviour Padawan ? Obi-wan: The force pushed me towards the Mandalorians Master, it was quite insistent on me developing better relations with them given our difficult history. Feemor: Fascinating, please do elaborate, I'd love to hear the theological implications of a force-assigned kink.
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woso-dreamzzz · 1 month
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Firsts III
Hardersson x Child!Reader
Part of The Big Adventures Universe
Summary: You lose your first tooth
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The day you lose your first tooth, is the day that Momma kicks you in the face with a ball.
It's still morning. You'd spent the first half of your day at school doing Maths and German before Morsa came to pick you up. She takes you home to have lunch because she and Momma have afternoon training today.
She's actually cooking for lunch today. When you spend the whole day at school, she gives you a packed lunch with all of your favourite snack foods and some things to swap with the kids at your school. At the weekends, you don't really eat a lot until dinner so having a cooked lunch is special.
You can see here through the kitchen window as Momma chips the ball over your head.
You huff. "Momma! Stop it! I can't get it if you do that!"
"You can't save every shot, princesse," Momma reminds you like she always does when she does something like this.
You roll your eyes. "I'm only little, Momma," You say," We're only practicing." You roll the ball back to her.
Momma smiles. "Sorry, princesse. I'll make sure you can get this one."
Usually, you would be able to get it. Pernille knows the moment her foot strikes it that she's hit it too hard, hit it hard like she's at practice and is actually shooting against a professional keeper.
It's fast too and smacks you in the face before you can raise your hands to catch it. The force of it tips you back and you land on the ground with a thud.
Immediately, you burst into tears.
Pernille tries to scoop you up but you squirm away from her even as she tries to dab the blood from your mouth.
You spit
A glob of blood appears in your hand along with a tooth.
You look at it in shock. You look at Momma.
"Morsa!" You yell, running inside.
Morsa's standing over the stove, stirring a pot of boiling water and pasta. "Hmm? What is it? Have you two broken the goalposts again?"
Your goal at home wasn't a proper goal. It was made of plastic tube things that had to be slotted together. Sometimes, when you dived for the ball, you hit the posts and they got loose.
You shake your head.
"Look!"
Morsa turns to look at you before her eyebrows shoot up in shock.
There's dirt on your face and your lips are red with a little bit of blood.
"What happened to you?!"
"Momma kicked the ball at me," You whine, stamping your feet," My tooth's gone!" You hold up the glob of blood to show your tooth but Morsa seems too preoccupied with looking at your gums.
One of your canines is missing and there's a bit more blood than there should be if the tooth had just fallen out naturally.
"That looks like it hurt," Morsa says.
You nod miserably.
"Let's get something cold on that."
When it's time to leave for training you're still a little tearful and you're mourning the loss of your tooth as you stick your tongue into the sensitive bit of gum it left.
Pernille feels horrible and you absolutely refuse to let her even touch you. You stick close to Magda, who shows you and your little mouth gap off to the rest of the Bayern girls.
"You don't look happy," Georgia says as she sits next to Pernille and laces up her boots," Aren't parents meant to be super happy after their kid's teeth fall out or something?"
"It didn't fall out by itself," Pernille admits," I kicked a football at her face."
"Seriously?"
"Yep."
"And it knocked it straight out?"
"She bled a lot," Pernille said," And it's a little achy. She's sad."
"Well, once the tooth fairy comes, she'll be happy again."
"What's the tooth fair?"
Georgia jumps when you suddenly appear in front of them. She can see the gap in your teeth as you talk and, as Pernille said, you do seem a little sad.
You're standing in front of them but give no indication that you even know Pernille's there.
"Well..." Georgia says," It's a little fairy that collects teeth?"
"But why?"
"Er...Because she likes them?"
Your brow furrows and you cover your mouth with your hand. "Is she going to take all of my teeth?"
"No, princesse," Pernille says. Your eyes flick to her for a moment before settling on the floor," You put the tooth you lost under your pillow and she'll take it while you're sleeping."
"She'll leave money too!" Georgia says helpfully and that makes you lift your gaze, to check with Pernille that what Georgia's saying is true.
She nods. She doesn't exactly want to agree with this but at this point, anything to get you to forget that she's the reason that you've lost your tooth in the first place.
"And I put my tooth under my pillow and she comes to get it?"
"Yes."
"And she gives me money?"
"Yes."
You think for a moment, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet before you reach out for Pernille's hand. You yawn.
"I'm tired, Momma," You say," Can we go home now?"
Momma laughs. "Nice try, Princesse but we've still got a few more hours of training left."
You whine and groan the entire training session and it's a struggle to stop you from putting yourself to bed as soon as you get home.
You still end up going to bed earlier than usual but Pernille waits hours until she knows you're actually asleep to slip in.
"Don't give her too much," Magda says as she sits up in bed and reads through her book.
"I won't," Pernille lies.
You look adorably sweet and soft when she slips into your bedroom. Your mouth is slightly open and your face is squished against girl-moose as you cradle girl-swan close to your chest.
Pernille swaps your tooth with some money.
"All done?" Magda asks.
Pernille nods.
Magda was in for a rude awakening when you came running in the next day at dawn.
"Momma! Morsa! The tooth fairy left me ten euros!"
509 notes · View notes
vaspider · 4 months
Note
My question about the AIDS crisis, I'm mostly asking you because like I said, I don't think I was googling the right things, so even if you could just suggest some things to google that would be more likely to get me answers, that would be really helpful.
I guess it's mostly how did AIDS (and to some extent, any STD) become so widespread? I know that it spread through sexual contact and shared blood, but can you really "six degrees of separation" (god, that sounds so flippant, but i genuinely can't think how else to describe it) a chain of sexual partners and shared needles through any two people with HIV in the entire world? Maybe it's just because I'm a bit of a hermit, but while I can understand how it was so devastating once it was already widespread, I guess I'm having trouble understanding how it got such a foothold in the first place. If the first person with HIV had happened to not have a lot of sex would the AIDS crisis never have happened?
I swear I have absolutely no judgement for people that like to have a lot of sex, maybe I just have an underestimate of the amount of sex the average person has because frankly I don't have any? So I hope this doesn't sound disrespectful or anything, it's just kind of hard for me to believe those "six degrees of separation" kind of things in general when it's not like, famous people, so the realization that theoretically any two people with the same STD, on different parts of the globe, would have this string of sexual partners connecting them almost feels like there has to be something I'm missing... But when I'm googling things like "how did HIV become so widespread" and "how do STDs spread" I'm just getting things about how you should use protection and histories of *where* HIV spread rather than answering this more specific question (probably didn't help I was trying to do this research at 1am)
I mean this as kindly as possible:
What is your proposed alternate theory as to the spread of a disease which is transmitted through contact with blood, semen (and pre-seminal fluid), rectal and vaginal fluids, and breast milk? The disease does not spread through saliva or through touch which does not involve those fluids.
There are relatively rare cases of HIV spread through accidental needle sticks - according to WebMD, there are approximately 385k accidental needle sticks among health care workers per year in the US. WHO says that .7% of the global population has HIV, so for some back-of-the-napkin math, at most, you'll have about 2,700 of those needle sticks involving someone with HIV. Since (again, according to that WebMD article on accidental needle sticks), in cases of an accidental needle stick where the patient has HIV, the health care worker only has about a 1 in 300 chance of catching it (as opposed to 1 in 3 for an unvaccinated person catching hepatitis B via accidental needle stick from an infected patient). So - nationwide - you have approximately 9 people per year catching HIV from a needle stick.
And, to be clear, that fucking sucks. However, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, in 2022 there were approximately 14.7 million health care workers in the US. Not all of these people have equal risk for accidental needle sticks, but there's only so much research I'm gonna do for rough math to answer an ask on Tumblr.
The average US health care worker has approximately - again, based on my back-of-the-napkin math - 0.00000544% chance of contracting HIV from an accidental needle stick. It's astronomically more likely that a random health care worker will die from tripping over an extension cord or breathing in a caustic chemical than that they will catch HIV.
The chances of getting HIV via blood transfusion before we started routinely testing for it were all but assured if you got blood from someone with HIV. Testing now is so stringent that you have about a one in two million chance of getting HIV from a transfusion. The last recorded case I could find was in 2010, and before that, it was 2002, and the 2010 case happened in part because the donor lied about his risk profile and often participated in anonymous and unprotected sex with partners of multiple genders. He really shouldn't have been accepted as a donor at all. Approximately 4.5 million Americans receive blood transfusions per year, so, like, nowadays, it is excessively unlikely, but even in the 80s, it was an edge case means of infection, not a main source of pandemic spread.
A breastfeeding parent with a detectable viral load has about a 15% chance of transmitting HIV through breast milk. Likewise, HIV can be - and was - transmitted to babies during birth because of contact with vaginal fluid or blood, but, again, these relative edge cases are not the things pandemics are made of.
I want to stress that I am not in any way minimizing the absolute tragedy of the AIDS crisis, and I am not dismissing the fact that these methods of transmission are possible and did cause significant disruption to blood banks, stress for pregnant people with HIV, and so on. They just simply are not major methods of transmission, and never were.
With all of that said... what is your proposed alternate method of transmission, with these facts in hand? What do you think happened? Genuinely, this question is so baffling to me.
I think it's important to understand that before the emergence of HIV, most of the STIs we had were at that point either considered an annoyance (warts, HPV) or were extremely easy to treat and cure (syphilis, once a death sentence, became basically a non-issue for most people in the US as long as they were getting tested relatively frequently, and most other common STIs even today can be cured with a single course or even a single dose of antibiotics).
With that in mind, a lot of people, including a lot of queer people, were having a lot of unprotected sex. For people who could become pregnant, the advent of the pill and access to legal abortion meant that they didn't have to become or stay pregnant if they didn't want to, and for cis gay men, the prevalence of antibiotics meant that the vast majority of STIs were a brief inconvenience at worst.
So allo people did one of the things that allo people (and some ace people!) love to do:
They fucked. A lot. They fucked without fear of much consequence in terms of infection, and because it was much riskier to bring someone home where you could be seen, a lot of gay men cruised, fucking in parks or in literal back alleys or the bathrooms of clubs. They worried about getting arrested or getting caught and having their names in the newspaper much more than they worried about STIs. Sex workers, including trans sex workers, fucked in cars or hotels or... wherever the money was, because survival sec work is ... survival.
So... yeah. What is your proposed alternate theory, here? I am truly baffled at what you think otherwise happened, given a disease with a very narrow route of infection.
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roosterforme · 24 days
Text
It Won't Be Long | Rooster x Reader
Summary: How are you supposed to tell your family that you have to leave? Especially when everything still feels new and flawless and beautiful? Bradley knows it will be rough to break the news to you, but telling Everett will be so much worse.
Warnings: Swearing, fluff, angst, adult language
Length: 3600 words
Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female single!mom Reader
This is a Batting Practice one-shot but can be read alone! Check out my masterlist for more!
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"Oh, shit."
Bradley's heart sank as he read the paperwork that Maverick just handed to him. "Fuck," he groaned, fighting the urge to crumple up the pages. The sounds of conversation buzzing around him in the rec room faded to a dull noise that set his teeth on edge as he thought about how he was going to explain this to you. And even worse....how he would tell Everett. 
"Sorry, Rooster," Maverick replied, cuffing him on the shoulder, but Bradley didn't move except to shake his head a fraction of an inch. He should have known this was coming. He should have been prepared for this, but it felt like a slap in the face. You and he had only been married for less than six months, and he still felt like this was very much the honeymoon phase. How the hell was he supposed to spend a single day without you and Everett, let alone one hundred of them?
He'd been planning to take the three of you up to Disneyland for a little overnight trip during spring break. Kind of a precursor to a longer vacation to Disney World in Orlando in the summer. Well, now he'd be missing all of spring break. And he was going to miss opening day at Petco Park, too.
He vaguely registered that Maverick dismissed him early, and he heard Bob calling his name as he headed for the door. He stopped but didn't turn around as he told his future brother-in-law, "I'll call you later." He'd have to tell Bob and Molly soon, because you and Everett would need them if anything happened while Bradley was deployed, but he didn't want to talk about it with anyone until he told you himself. 
When he got home before you, it gave him plenty of time to mope while he got dinner in the oven. He decided to take a long shower, suddenly wanting nothing more than to change out of his fucking uniform. The Valentine's Day card he gave you a few days ago was still propped up on your dresser, and he sighed when he looked at the pretty flowers still blooming beautifully in the vase next to it. When he opened the card and read what he'd written, he wasn't surprised to find that he had it practically memorized after spending hours agonizing about what to say to his wife on a day dedicated to being in love.
Kitten, 
You changed my life and everything in it for the better last spring, and not a minute goes by that I'm not thinking about you. I hope you'll let me love you every Valentine's Day for the rest of my life. I hope you'll love me back for all of them. I'm so happy you're my wife.
Love,
Bradley
P.S.- How do you feel about wearing your collar, leash and your bodysuit tonight?
He set the card down again with a soft groan and stripped out of his uniform. The shower felt amazing, and he treated himself to your expensive body wash before he rinsed himself off. When he put on his sweatpants and started looking for a tee shirt, everything in his drawer seemed to have Top Gun or Navy Waves printed on it. He just wasn't in the mood for any of it since he knew he was about to have two conversations he'd really rather skip, so he pulled on the Phillies shirt that he got for Christmas from you and Everett.
The kitchen timer started going off at the same time he heard your car in the driveway, and Bradley ran back downstairs to get dinner out of the oven. "You're home early!" you said, bursting through the front door with Everett by your side, and for the first time since this morning, everything seemed more colorful and loud in a good way.
"Dad! I aced my math test!" Everett said as he came running into the kitchen, waving a sheet of paper in the air. "A hundred percent!"
Bradley's heart clenched as he picked Everett up in a hug and buried his face against him. "I'm proud of you, kiddo. That's what happens when you stop rushing through your homework."
He held onto his son a little longer than he normally would before kissing his cheek and setting him down. You eyed him closely as you dumped your work stuff on one of the chairs. He must have done something to give himself away, because a second later, you said, "Ev, you promised you'd take ten minutes to clean your room before dinner."
"Fine," he replied, his voice right on the edge of whining. Normally Bradley would remind him not to talk to you that way, but he let it slide right now. Everett headed for the stairs, and once he was out of sight, you were in Bradley's arms. 
"What's wrong, Coach?" you asked, running your fingers along his cheek before pushing them through his damp hair. "What's bothering you?"
When you gently kissed him, he didn't stop you. And when it took him a minute to reply, you didn't rush him. "Baby... I'm being deployed."
Your grip on him grew incrementally tighter as you whispered, "Oh. When?" 
His forehead met yours as he forced out the sentence, "I have to leave mid March, and I'm due back on Ev's birthday."
When you nodded, he could tell you were still letting his words settle in your mind. You took a deep breath and huffed out a little laugh as you whispered, "That's a long time."
Bradley swallowed down his guilt. "It's too damn long. I don't want to go fourteen weeks without you and Ev. I don't even like going a whole day when I can help it. I'm supposed to be here with you."
You nodded, and when you spoke, he could hear the tears in your voice. "We managed without you before, we can do it again. At least you'll get home on his birthday."
He collected you tighter against his body as he groaned. He would rather do almost anything other than miss his son's eighth birthday. "Kitten. Sometimes the dates aren't accurate. Sometimes the carriers run behind schedule. One time I returned a week later than I anticipated." 
You made a soft sound that left him reeling. "Well, if that happens, then I'll explain it to him. And we'll deal with it."
"Fuck," he grunted, slipping out of your grasp and gripping the edge of the countertop with both hands as his anger flared. "I don't want the two of you to have to deal with me missing out on celebrations. I already bought tickets for Ev and I to go to see the Padres on opening day! I was going to let him skip school! If I miss his birthday, I swear I'll be fucking sick, Kitten! And if Molly doesn't have the baby before March fifteenth, then I won't get to meet him until he's three months old!"
"Bradley," you whispered, ducking under his arm so you were right there between him and the counter. "Listen to me," you said, taking his face in your hands and kissing him. "This is why we love you so much. Because you love us so much."
You had tears in your eyes that matched his as he muttered, "I still feel like we just got married. Like every day with you is so exciting. And Ev didn't grow up with a military dad. He's not used to my lifestyle. I..." Bradley paused and dipped his head down, staring at your work shoes as he said, "I feel important every day because both of you rely on me for things around here. More than just my income. Ev and I do his homework together, and I like helping you cook meals. And I live for taking him to the park to play baseball. I live for it, Kitten."
With two firm hands under his chin, you shifted him so he was looking at you. "I said we would be able to manage without you because we did it before. We know how to do it. Not that we would enjoy ourselves, Bradley. My heart will hurt with worry every day that you're gone, and Everett will miss you because you're essential to his happiness. But this is part of your career, and you're very good at it."
Bradley knew he was crying now as he said, "I'll miss the beginning of his baseball season. He's the only one from his old team who is going to play real ball again this spring instead of tee ball."
You smiled and kissed his cheek. "All thanks to you. And I'll take a million videos for you to watch. I'll email them so you can scrutinize his technique, and then I'll help him improve. I mean, look how much more I know about baseball since I first met you."
Of course your words made him feel a little better. They always did. You always validated his place in this family when he started to doubt himself. "You've come a long way, Kitten. And it's a good thing, too, because I don't think Ev is going to lose interest in baseball any time soon."
You smiled as your lips skimmed his. "I really hope not since the two of you turned the extra bedroom into a Phillies shrine."
"Why are you both crying?"
Bradley's gaze snapped toward Everett who was halfway between the bottom of the stairs and the kitchen with a concerned look on his face. "Ev," he started, unsure how to handle this conversation. Part of him wanted to wait until after the three of you had eaten dinner, but right now, he looked very upset.
"Is Aunt Molly okay?" he asked softly. "She was crying the other day when she said the baby was hurting her back."
When Bradley still hesitated, you said, "Aunt Molly is fine. She texted me a picture of her swollen feet at lunchtime." Then you leaned in closer and whispered, "Do you want me to talk to him?"
"No," Bradley replied immediately. "No, I'll do it." But it was harder than he thought it would be to get the words out in a way that would make sense to a seven year old. Why had he convinced himself that he'd be good at this parenting thing? He didn't even know what the hell to say right now. "Grab our gloves," he told his son. "Let's go out back and toss a ball around before we eat dinner."
Everett perked up immediately and ran off, only to return with two well worn baseball gloves and a baseball. "Okay."
Bradley slipped on a pair of shoes. "Okay."
Wordlessly, they threw the ball around for a bit, the quiet space soothing the part of Bradley that was terrified of fucking this up. "Hey, Kiddo?"
"Yeah, Dad?" Everett asked as he threw a scorcher to Bradley.
"You remember how we talked about deployments before?"
"Yeah." His voice was softer this time, and his face fell a little bit. "I remember. It's when you have to go way out into the ocean and fly off of an aircraft carrier."
"Yeah," Bradley croaked, squeezing the ball as hard as he could in his right hand. "I'm going to have to leave to do that in a few weeks."
He watched as his son tried to be strong and keep it together, but then Everett's face crumpled as he started crying. "But you said that lasts for months," he said as he looked at the ground, and Bradley rushed toward him. "And I heard Jayden in my class say deployments are really dangerous."
"Ev," he replied, dropping the ball and his glove and kneeling right in front of him. He swiped at the tears with his fingers as he said, "I can't stand it when you cry. It breaks my heart." 
But Everett just cried more. "I don't want you to leave now. You just got here!"
"Kiddo," he whispered, wrapping him up in a hug. "I'll be back soon. It won't be long. Nothing we can't handle."
"But what if something happens to you?" 
Bradley's heart shattered and was immediately put back together. He hated making you and Everett worry about him, but the fact that you both loved him enough to care made him feel whole. He kissed his son's tear streaked cheeks and said, "The only thing that's going to happen is me flying around in my jet for a few weeks before I come right back home. Sounds pretty boring, right?"
He nodded against Bradley's shoulder. "Yeah, I guess so."
Bradley kissed his forehead and whispered, "I'll be so bored without you. I'm going to need you and Mom to take a bunch of photos and videos and email them to me all day long. And I'll need you to ace all your school assignments and be well behaved for everyone except your Aunt Molly. You think you can do that?"
Everett shrugged, but when his glove slipped off of his hand, he hugged Bradley around the neck. "I'll try, Dad. But I'll miss you."
A tear slipped down Bradley's cheek as he managed to say, "I'll miss you, too."
-------------------------
"It's not time yet," you told Everett as he sat on the couch with the iPad on his lap, staring at it longingly. "Ten more minutes. Why don't you finish your math homework while you wait?"
"Because I like doing my math homework with Dad," Everett explained as he looked at you like you were absolutely ridiculous for even suggesting such a thing. "I want to solve the problem with him."
Even though it meant you would have less time to talk to your husband about other things, you'd let Everett do math homework with him over FaceTime. It wasn't like Bradley was going to complain. They were two peas in a pod. Everett even had the Phillies current pitching stats printed out and ready to share. 
"You'll have to show him your countdown, too. We're getting closer."
Before Bradley left, he and Everett cut up countless strips of paper and wrote numbers on them so Everett could conduct a countdown until his eighth birthday. Until the day Bradley was supposed to return home. There had been a gigantic paper chain snaking through the house, but now you were down to your final ten loops. Just ten more days without Bradley.
When the iPad rang, Everett nearly dropped it in his excitement, and you ran in from the kitchen. "Dad!" he said as Bradley's handsome face filled the screen.
"Hey, Ev," he said, sounding exhausted and relieved. "I miss you, Kiddo. Where's Mom?" 
"She's right here." 
Your son tilted the screen, and Bradley sighed. "Kitten."
"Bradley! We miss you. Ten more days!"
A crooked smile broke out on his face, and he kept his eyes on you for a beat longer while Everett started telling him all about baseball practice with his new coach and how his baby cousin Charlie threw up yesterday and about how the Phillies won three games in a row. You lost him to your son just like you knew you would as soon as Everett asked him for help with his homework. 
You sat quietly on the couch while Bradley looked at the math sheet and helped him work through the problem. Then Everett showed him the remaining length of the paper chain countdown, and as soon as that was finished, Bradley said, "Great job, Kiddo. Now why don't you go clean your room up before bed while I talk to Mom?"
"Okay. Love you, Dad!"
"I love you, too," he promised. "And I'll see you on your birthday."
Everett handed you the iPad and ran upstairs to his bedroom. "After all that, I only get three minutes alone with my husband this week," you said with a little smirk.
Bradley groaned and shook his head. "I can guarantee when I get home, I'll be on you nonstop. Don't worry about that, Baby. We won't sleep for days."
You bit your lip and laughed as he groaned. "What do you want for your birthday, Coach?"
He glanced around the small room where he was sitting before he said, "You can find that information written in your Valentine's Day card. Maybe throw in some vanilla frosting, and I'll be all set."
"Sounds good," you replied, and his smile grew. "We'll count down to Ev's birthday, and then we'll count down to yours."
"Speaking of which, did you get his present ready? All wrapped up in a box?"
You nodded as your heart fluttered. "Exactly to your specifications," you promised, picturing the package you had stashed in the linen closet.
"Perfect. I need to make it up to him for missing opening day for the Padres. I hated disappointing him."
As you glanced around your living room at the remaining countdown numbers and Everett's completed math homework, you said, "Something tells me you could never truly disappoint him. See you in ten days, my love."
-------------------------
"Dad!"
Bradley rushed through the crowd on the dock and headed for his family. You looked beautiful, and somehow Everett looked like he grew six inches in three months, but everything was perfect again once he had an arm wrapped around each of you. He kissed your lips and squeezed you to his side. "I missed you, Kitten," he murmured, knowing you wouldn't be too mad if you weren't his main focus until later tonight. "Happy birthday, Kiddo," he said with a smile as he released you to hug his son. "I missed you, too."
Everett clung to him when Bradley knelt down, and he stood up again with him in his arms. "Last week, my new coach said I have a heck of an arm. And school's already over. Mom took a video of my last day on Friday. You have to watch seventeen new videos from last week. We can watch them together tomorrow before we go out for pizza with baby Charlie and Aunt Molly and Uncle Bob."
Bradley buried his face against Everett's shoulder, excited to hear him talking a mile a minute in person. "Absolutely. But first, let's get home and open your birthday present."
The ride in your car was filled with your voice and Everett's, and Bradley sat back with a smile on his face and his fingers laced with yours. "How was the aircraft carrier?" Everett asked.
"Boring, loud and uncomfortable. And they never showed the Phillies games on TV."
"We can watch the game recaps!"
Bradley was already daydreaming about taking a few days off work, lounging on the couch with Everett until lunchtime, going to the park to play baseball, and then making love to you all night.
"We can definitely watch the game recaps," he promised as you pulled into the driveway next to Bradley's prized Bronco. "But first, I really want you to open your birthday present."
He didn't change out of his uniform. He didn't even remove his boots. He just gave Everett the box wrapped in red and white paper after you handed it to him, and he watched his son tear into the paper while your hands came to rest on his chest. "You are the only birthday present that kid wanted," you whispered.
Bradley felt the flush rising in his cheeks as you kissed his neck, but Everett had the lid off the box now. "I don't know about that, Kitten. I think he'll like this one," Bradley replied as Everett put the Phillie Phanatic hat on his head and read the paper he found in the box out loud.
"Three tickets for the Phillies game at Citizens Bank Park! On the Fourth of July! Behind the dugout! That's where the Phanatic dances! We can see the Phanatic for real! In Philadelphia!"
"Told you," Bradley whispered against your lips as Everett ran around the living room, already thrilled for his first trip to Philly.
But you were shaking your head and looking up at him with the most sincere expression as you said, "Just wait for it."
And you were right. A few minutes later, after Everett's excitement for his Phillies tickets tapered off a bit, he asked, "Dad, can we build a blanket tent and watch Toy Story and eat popcorn?"
Bradley paused where he was unlacing his boots and smiled. "Under one condition."
Everett smiled back and shrugged. "Okay. What is it?"
Bradley tossed his boots aside and said, "We change into our matching baseball pajamas and grab the stuffed Phanatic from your bedroom. And Mom gets to join us, too."
"Deal."
An hour and a half later, Bradley was watching one of his favorite movies with two of his favorite people. You were feeding him popcorn and teasing his hair as you lay with your head on his shoulder in the blanket fort. Everett was sound asleep, draped across Bradley's chest, and it felt so good to be home, he almost started crying. 
"I missed this so much," he whispered, kissing Everett's forehead. "Missed my family."
You hummed softly as you raked your fingers through his hair. "Like I said, going to the Phillies game will be great and all, but having you home today was the only thing he really needed for his birthday."
Bradley grinned and asked, "And does my Kitten need me, too?"
You popped up from his shoulder and whispered, "Why don't you carry Ev up to his bed, and then I'll let you find out."
-------------------------
I love emo Coach Bradley, and it was definitely time to check in with the three of them. He never wants to be the reason Everett cries, but that kid loves him so much, it's unavoidable. Let's check back in with them again soon. Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls
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542 notes · View notes
nogenderbee · 1 month
Text
♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝔸𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕙𝕖𝕖𝕥𝕤 ₊˚ˑ༄
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*ੈ✩‧₊˚ anon request: May I request Dan Heng, Gepard, Welt, and Jing Yuan finding their lover crying in their sleep because they miss them?
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Of course! I wrote Dan Heng's part during class so... the sleeping part is kinda missed but it shouldn't make that big of a difference, so hopefully you'll still like it!
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff
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Dan Heng for once agreed to go on exploration with Express Crew. Well... more like he was dragged there... you on the other hand couldn't go because of few duties you had to do on Express, so you were left alone with PomPom.
He was supposed to be away for just few weeks, but from your math... he was away for 3,5 months now... you received texts from Himeko that his phone broke and that they're gonna stay for a bit longer... she even checked up on you! But not wanting to cause trouble, you just said everything was alright, even if it was the opposite.
You were sitting on floor with your head on bed, arms covering it's back, as your sobs filled th room. You just broke after so much time away... you didn't know wher exactly he was, what he was doing, what he was thinking... did he even miss you?
When you heard door opening, you figured it was PomPom. He just entered with chocolate when he heard you sob and you honestly appreciated it.
"PomPom, please not now..."
"Not PomPom."
You have raised your head up after hearing familiar voice. You could see slight spark of worry in his cold expression, and he saw your puffy eyes which was enough to make him regret.
He kneeled down next to you, wrapping his left arm around your back, as right one caressed your cheek.
"I'm sorry for being away for so long... trust me, I came back as soon as I could. Others are still on that planned but I couldn't handle being there anymore..."
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@miya-akane @toyaswif3y - come get your quiet but scary trabilazer!
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Welt was on the Express and you were on a planet he passed by once. He offered you many times to join him but you always refused, you had friends and family here after all!
But being away from your lover also put small crack in your sanity... it was hard being in long distance relationship... sure, you texted each other daily but you started missing his touch... so one night, when you were cuddled into your bed sheets and in deep sleep, you didn't even realized the thoughts you had were so sad that sleeping you just couldn't help but sob.
Welt on the other hand, finally visited your planet and having keys to your house, he decided to check up on you.
"Hello? Sorry for inviting myself in like that but you didn't answer and I got-"
He stopped when he saw tou form laying under sheets. Small smile appeared on his face, just to get washed away in the next second when he heard you sob in sleep.
He sat next to you and gently shook you, worried you might be having some kind of nightmare. Thought of you simply missing him this much didn't really crossed his mind.
"Darling? Are you alright? Did you had a nightmare?"
Hearing, feeling and now seeing your boyfriend, you immidietly threw yourself into his arms and bursted with emotions. His hand immidietly went to caress your hair and back in a comforting way.
"Shhh... It's alright now... I'm not leaving any time soon. We can finally enjoy our company."
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@vodka-glrl - come get your father of the express!
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Gepard's job includes lots of missions, which means you're often away from each other. You didn't even mind patrols that much since he'd at least come back at evening. But when he had a mission? He was away for days... and the worst was, you never knew how dangerous it is nor if he'll actually come back...
You managed to find one if your boyfriend's hoodies in your shared room. So now, you were embraced by his hoodie as you layed under sheets, sacrificing one pillow to hug it instead of laying on it.
Meanwhile Gepard, finally came back home, trying to be as quiet as possible since it's middle of the night and the last thing he wanted to do was to wake you up.
So when he entered your bedroom and saw you sobbing in your sleep, his heart broke... did he left you here waiting for this long? Well he certainly won't leave it be just like that!
Still not wanting to wake you up, he layed next to you, immidietly wrapping one arm around you and caressing your back. He felt so bad for leaving you alone... he kissed your forehead and promised himself to never make the same mistake. He'll do his best to send you letters, without accepting single no from higher ups as answer. He's a soldier, he shouldn't give up without proper fight, especially for his lover.
"I'm so sorry, my love..."
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Jing Yuan was very busy recently... he left with single kiss on forehead or goodbye... he never ghosted or ignored you. He always gave you logical answer why your affection must be moved to some other time. But him being busy lasted for few days now... and despite him assuring you it's not gonna last forever and that he still loves you, you couldn't help but overthink this situation.
The only thing you could to after days of separation was flop on the couch and hope for a nice dream. You didn't even wanted to sleep in your bed because you knew it'd trigger the sadness even more.
But the nice dream that you hoped for didn't seemed to take place, because when your boyfriend finally decided to spend the night at your shared place instead of his office... he noticed you gently sobbing in your sleep...
He kneeled down next to you and caressed your hair, he didn't wanted to wake you up since you're getting your rest but also didn't want you to continue crying, so he just whispered small reassuring words and compliments to your ear as he embraced you with one hand.
"Dearest... I'm not leaving you anymore. We're going to a very nice date tomorrow, I promise... I'll spoil you with affection to your hearts content."
When you finally stopped sobbing, with one final kiss on forehead, he scooped you into his arms and carried you back into your bedroom, already planning how he should repay for all he did.
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@miya-akane - come get your soft general~
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prettieinpink · 5 months
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CREATING A STUDY SCHEDULE/ROUTINE 
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PLANNING/SCHEDULING
LIST YOUR ACADEMIC STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES. This is so you can allocate time accordingly and avoid wasting any time. 
PRIORITISE ANY SUBJECTS. These may be subjects that will help you in your future career or just a subject you especially want a good grade in. Anything for these subjects then becomes the most important on your to-do list.
DIVIDE TIME EACH DAY. Not all days you are going to be able to sit down at your desk at the same time. Instead, according to your energy levels and planned activities, divide your time.
E.g I have cheerleading after school and I'm going to be so tired, so I’ll do my studying in the morning instead. 
ESTABLISH BREAKS. Depending on how long you can study for, place a suitable break in between. This helps make studying more productive, but only if your breaks are. 
CREATING
USE YOUR TIMETABLE. On days you don’t have a specific subject, dedicate more time to that one. 
CONSIDER YOUR LEARNING STYLE. This helps to be a bit more specific when creating it, instead of winging it and just doing anything. Having a consistent way of studying helps us learn better. 
E.g I’m a visual learner, so I’ll watch animations. I'm an auditory learner so I’ll watch a video of someone explaining it. 
KNOW WHAT YOU WILL DO DURING STUDYING. Do not just wing studying, it’s unproductive and you’re more likely to waste time instead of using it.
 Before you start studying, write a to-do list of everything you need to do during that session and how you will do it. Less time time-consuming and allows you to use time productively. 
SAMPLE – this is Lanny’s daily study routine without any upcoming tests, as an early bird, kinesthetic learner and needs breaks to think with clarity.
Morning
Review my flashcards in preparation for any test. 
Write/note any flashcards I'm struggling with. 
 Afterschool
Check seqta/school website to access my courses, in which I’ll write down which subjects I had. 
Do a few quick blurts on paper of everything I learned in those subjects with prior reading. I only do this for HASS, math and science + any electives that require it. (blurting method)
Then I recheck my blurts, add in anything that I’ve missed and correct with a different coloured pen. 
After, I push those papers aside but I do not discard them. I’ll then complete my online science homework + class workbook. If I happen not to understand anything I’ll watch a video on it and then complete some questions on that. 
I’ll take a break around now because, on an estimate, it has been around 20-40 minutes since I started depending on how my science homework is. I usually eat something and then get back to it. 
Math is next. I’ll complete any math homework, then I’ll practice doing math questions on my own. What I like to do is watch a math video, pause the question without the answer then watch to see if I got it. Effective because they explain it and I can see where I went wrong without analysing my working out which is rather time-consuming. 
I take another break. Math stuff usually takes around 20-30 minutes. 
I then do HASS, which is the easiest. I usually read an article or watch a video on hass then apply that knowledge by answering questions OR doing assigned chapter work. 
I do not study English after school, but I usually read an assigned passage/book and then try to apply any techniques/knowledge by taking that paragraph apart and analysing it. Sometimes, I write my paragraphs using any taught techniques and then mark them. 
Then, I redo my blurtings again but without prior reading then recheck and correct. Then I am finished for the afternoon!!
Evening
Review flashcards then watch a video/read an article on what I was struggling with in the morning but I do not do anything to consolidate this knowledge. 
That is all, please feel free to ask me about any questions about studying as I don't really post much about it, I'll love to help out any fellow students! 
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webslingingslasher · 2 months
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you did reader having a bad day and going to see frat!peter but can we get him having a bad day and going to see trouble?
*cleaning out my inbox.*
three loud knocks at your door had you jump from your seat, you were so in the zone that the sharp sound had you frozen for a second.
making the short walk and pulling it open, peter forced his way in and ripped his backpack off before slamming it down. there was no reason to ask if he was mad because he was pissed.
'hi.' you try being gentle, even softly closing the door before peter points at you. 'i was sick, wasn't i?' you blink fast, 'wha-'
'i was sick! last week, i was sick!'
you have no idea where he's taking this, but you're in for the ride. it's not you he's mad at and that's very clear, he's just trying to share his frustration. 'you were sick. you were throwing up.'
'thank you! i was! it was awful!'
you nod with him. 'yeah, throwing up sucks.'
'it does! and guess the fuck what, i missed a quiz and this stupid fucking prick of a professor won't let me retake it. he tried blaming me and said i needed to be more serious, trying to insinuate i was hungover when he knows for a fact i've shown up on my fucking deathbed before!'
you feel anger build for him, peter takes his academics very seriously. so if saying he doesn't take it seriously feels like a slap in the face to you, you can't imagine how it feels for him.
'oh, that's fucked, petey. if you want i'll draft a letter to the dean and we can-'
peter laughs and shakes a finger in the air. 'already did it. and guess what, i got to retake it. but he couldn't handle the fact i went over his head and he called me immature and unequipped to handle the real world.'
you gasp, peter nods with exaggeration. 'yup! so fuck that class, fuck that prick, fuck the guy that got cheese on my shoes-' your eyes look at his nikes, true to his words there's splatters of orange on the tops. "- fuck ethan for getting me sick, fuck everything and everyone!'
a gulp of air, he calms himself down. 'except you. i still like you.' the room goes quiet when he sits on the edge of your bed. it's just one of those days where nothing you say will fix it and he just needs to feel sorry for himself and have someone do it with him.
you stand in front of him and hold his head to your torso. peter buries his face in your shirt and breathes deep, you're worried he might be suffocating himself. you take his snapback off and lightly scratch his scalp.
'i'm sorry everything and everyone sucks, petey.' you can feel a rumble when peter talks but you can't hear him at all. 'what's that, mumbles?' he has a slight blush when he pulls back, 'except you.' he hides his face again, holding you even closer.
'wanna look at me?' a thrash into your stomach, he's anchored around your waist. 'please?' another silent no. 'i wanna tell you something.'
a squeeze, he's listening. 'no, c'mon, look at me.' peter shouts into your shirt, it still comes out muffled. 'no. you just wanna see me all blushy and shy.'
you tickle behind the collar of his shirt, he jolts into your touch. 'just look at me, please?' a few deep breaths, he's not so pink cheeked anymore. you try to mimic peter when you're upset and cup his face, you get why he does it, he's so delicate under your touch.
'you are insanely smart, peter. i've seen the effort you've put into your work. remember one time i tried to see if i could help you finish but your math questions are like three miles long?' a small smile, your heart picks up. you're helping!
'and you're way more equipped than anyone i know, and you have the cleanest room in the house. oh, and you're a really good nephew.' there it is, that's what you were searching for. peter warmed under your touch, watching him transform into bashful had you soaring.
'not to mention how handsome you are. i mean, i totally get it, petey. cause you're my baby.' red, red, red. he turned red. peter dove for your chest, he can feel his heartbeat in his throat.
'you're being mean when i'm sad.' you pat his head before tangling your fingers in, 'i just wanted you to know that your professor sucks and is the dumbest person to ever talk to you. he's wrong and today sucked and that's all it should be.'
you bend to press a kiss to the crown of his head. 'wanna lay down for cuddles,' you wait until he shuffles away, 'my beautiful, handsome baby boy?'
another flush, you never noticed how good peter looked in red. 
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chaengluva · 13 days
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Crush
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Leighton Murray x Fem!Reader: 1.0k words: Masterlist.
Requested: Yes/No: Requests
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You had always had eyes for this particular girl in your maths class, but she never looked your way, which made you really annoyed, you tried your best to make her notice you. The thing is, you couldn't do much because you didn't want to seem desperate, all you wanted was for her to want you.
You know she likes girls, you just want to be the one that she likes, not one of her girls you wanted to be THE one which really sucked because everyone else wanted the same girl as you
Leighton had a big reputation, she used to be shy and not want to come out, but know she loves to hook up with girls, you wanted to hook up with her of course, but you wanted more than that, you wanted to date her, be able to call her your girlfriend.
Every time you had math class, you made sure to put on extra makeup, but not too much, you tried to change your style, but not to dramatically, you really didn't want to make it seem like you were trying that hard.
"You sure get yourself pretty for maths class," Wendy, your roommate said, you rolled eyes, she knew why you wore a lot of make up and dressed nicely, she was clearly just teasing you, in a friendly way of course.
On your way to maths class, you walked confidently, but your walk dropped and you went shy when she walked past, distracted by looking at her, you didn't notice the guy walking towards you.
He bumped into you, spilling his drink all over you, "Watch where you're going!" You wanted to argue back but you couldn't because it was your fault, you run to the bathroom, drying the spilled drink that was all over your clothes.
You heard the door open, you look to your left and you see her. Gulping, you step to the side so she can get to the stall. You didn't notice it at the time but Leighton looked you up and down and smirked before walking into the bathroom stall.
You groan, the stain won't come out, you rub the area with more force, but nothing seems to be working. "That's not going to work you know." you heard the voice from behind you, turning your head, you see your crush, looming behind you. "Come with me, i'll get you some clothes."
She grabs you by the wrist, taking you to her dorm, "sit." she points to the bed, you sit down and wait as she pulls out some clothes for you to wear, waiting patiently, she pulls out a top and a matching skirt, they look like they could be from channel, she the gives them to you, and waits for you to change.
You awkwardly look at each other, you start to take your top off but you're too embarrassed, Leighton Sighs before saying.
"Don't worry, I can leave." leaving you alone in her dorm, you quickly change and exit, she's still waiting there for you, "What class do you have now?" she asks, damn she really doesn't know you. "Oh, I have maths." you say quietly, her eyes went wide, "Oh shit, you're in my class?"
You nod in embarrassment, she giggles, "I'm just kidding, of course I've see you." She reassures, calming you down. "I mean you stare at me the whole time, how could I not notice?" The shyness and the embarrassment came back when she said that, which only gave her more confidence to tease you.
The two of you walk to class, you don't dare look her way, that was a mistake because you missed her looking at you in with her 'you're hot' eyes. The class finally ended, you quickly got up and rushed out of the place, heading to the cafeteria to find Wendy, once you finally found her, you sat down.
She must have noticed how you were feeling, "Whats wrong Y/n?"
You groaned, "Leighton knows I look at her during class!" Wendy just giggles, you give her an annoyed glare, but she doesn't stop. "What?" you ask, with a strong tone of annoyance. "It's just that... Why is that a bad thing?" She asks, trying to hold in her giggles.
You roll your eyes, "Its embarrassing!" you sigh, Wendy shakes her head, obviously disagreeing with you, she gestures something with her head, you look over and you see Leighton, she looks you up and down and the licks her lips, satisfied. You quickly turn your head around and feel your heat up, Wendy obviously teases you about it.
Wendy tells Leighton to come over, you try to stop her but its too late, you hide your head and only think of one thing that you can do, Leighton is coming closer so you quickly get up and walk away. Wendy rolls her eyes at your pathetic behaviour.
"Don't worry, I'll get you too in the same room." Wendy tells Leighton, making her sigh and nod in response.
For the rest of the day, Wendy tries to get to you to interact with Leighton but nothing works because you keep running away. Wendy still has one more trick up her sleeve and she has a good feeling about this one.
She texts you, it's all fake but it's perfect and she's confident that this time it will work.
"Y/n! please come to the café, its very crowded and I feel lonely." Not so long after you text back saying, "Okay, on my way."
In reality, the café was dead and the only person was Wendy and Leighton, Wendy hid as soon as she saw sight of you. Y/n walked in with a confused look, but as soon as she say Leighton she knew what was happening, she turned away to walk away but Leighton grabbed her wrist.
"Y/n. Stop avoiding me." She said in a firm voice,
Y/n shook her head, "Why?" Leighton sighed, "Y/n I like you, I've liked you for the longest time."
Y/n rolled her eyes, "You're just saying that to make me feel better, you don't really mean that." Leighton did hesitate to lean in and give you a kiss, it came to a shock but you kissed back, it lasted a few, finally pulling away. You both looked at each other and smiled, "Believe me now?"
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moonys-love · 1 year
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Howdy Pillar Headcanons :D
be aware this is my first time writing on tumblr so if its a tad odd in some places, i apologize :))) i should be doing my math work i missed or sleeping but guess what i wont
cw: staring mentions (?), howdy being cheesy, i think that's it? ( i do not know how to tag stories)
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(look at the funky man!!)
Dating Howdy!!
i just KNOW this man loves to give hugs from behind
everytime you're doing literally anything that has you with your back exposed, he's going to pick you up
you could be in the middle of cleaning and next thing you know four limbs are wrapped around you and you're being picked up
he is both big spoon and little spoon, ignore the fact that he's like 7 foot/213 cm
if you don't like being hugged/touched, that's fine! he likes to make sure that you're comfortable with how he shows affection.
instead of hugging you, he tends to move things around to make it more accessible for you (especially if you enjoy cooking/baking, there are a lot of things in the howdy-sized cabinets but not the y/n-sized cabinets)
sometimes he does purposefully move things out of your reach to have you call him over for help so he can come bother you >:)
that is until you learned that you can climb on the counters... (as someone who is short, this is in fact the most effective way of getting things [dont do this])
he loves holding hands with you! regardless of whether you're in public or at home, he enjoys making sure that you don't get lost /j ("Its hard to see you all the way down there, neighbor!")
he is also a big fan of pinky holding <3
i hc him to have some anxiety issues, so this is a big reason why he enjoys holding hands/pinkys
it's become a big way to help him calm down, and if you start rubbing shapes (?) into his hand it makes things a lot better (he does it to you too <3)
after a long day at the bugdega (bodega? I've seen someone call it that so I'm calling it that bc it's funky!), he will fwump literally anywhere it is convenient for him to do so
let's just hope you're not on the couch/bed because you are a candidate for him to do so! (good luck)
he constantly is making sure that you're ok, mentally and physically! he is a great listener, and he gives great advice too.
everytime you try to help him out at the bugdega, he CANNOT focus
he will literally stare at you for ages until either you or a neighbor points out he's doing so ("howdy, are you ok?" "huh- oh yeah! it's just that you're really pretty...")
he also gives you an 100% discount if you agree to a kiss
either he's really cheesy, or he's reciting poetry to you, there is in fact, no in-between
"i love you berry much! *holds out a strawberry*"
"If i was to be given the option of eternal life, i would turn it down, for a life without you is not one worth living."
all in all, your relationship is berry sweet!! (help i regret writing that)
Being friends with Howdy!!
if YOU have chaotic energy, HE has chaotic energy
he could be cheerfully having an exchange with julie to chanting "thief" to wally in the corner with you (art idea??? might make this)
howdy is great at adapting to your current mood! if you're being funky and all gremlin-like, so is he! if you're tired or sad, he makes sure to give you your time and space to talk if you want!
regardless of this, he does give mother-friend energy
not in the sense of like making sure you're sunscreened, but just looking out for you and making sure you're ok :O)
he LOVES to spook you. regardless of how tall he is, he is in fact, great at sneaking around!
he is also good at being quiet on his feet, which does not end well when you're in the middle of doing something
i feel like he is genuinely a sweet guy, but when he's with friends, he's a totally different caterpillar
if tiktok existed then, you would constantly point at him and say "caterpillar" in that voice (y'know the one from the audio that everyone draws frank spying on howdy with [i absolutely love that audio])
HE KNOWS ALL OF THE GOSSIP OOH JUST YOU WAIT
"did you hear? frank and eddie are finally dating!" "HAH WALLY OWES ME HIS APPLE SUPPLY"
wally is definitely a part of your guy's shenanigans btw it's canon I'm howdys hat
if howdy needs something delivered (most likely wallys hairspray/apples) and eddie isn't available, he asks you! you're practically a second employee so you might as well ahshefs
you still get an 100% discount, since you know, you're kinda working there so that's fabulous!!
he's practically your babysitter at this point i just kinda imagine y/n being one of the leash kids
he can and will throw you on top of his shoulders, you think he's not buff under those sleeves? he has to carry around literal HUNDREDS of apples for wally pretty much everyday
i feel like he likes making things with his hands (I'm really projecting here arent i)
HE LIKES MAKING TINY THINGS OK OK GLAD WE CAN AGREE
random little figurines or things you enjoy will just appear. you have little to no clue where they came from but that's fineee
he knows some of the most obscure things, either about you, or anything really
he loves hearing people infodump about anything! he loves learning new things about people's special interests :D
at the end of the day, he appreciates being your friend so much! he's so glad he got to meet you <3
i am very tired so im probably going to sleep now!! i really liked making this but headcanons are not, in fact, my strong suit. requests are open, i would love to write some more for welcome home!!
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hockybish · 7 months
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Is It Mine?
West Winds au I dad!Trevor x Reader I masterlist
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Early March 2020
"Why have you been avoiding me?" Trevor practically barged into her dorm room once she opened the door.
No, hi, how are you?" She rolled her eyes, returning to the spot on the couch she had been occupying only moments earlier.
"Nope." He popped the p in the word, plopping down beside one of his best friends. "Now answer me. Why are you avoiding me?"
"I haven't. Don't be silly, Z." Looking at her hands, she contemplates how to go about her next moves.
Does she tell him the truth, or do you hold off a little longer? How does she tell her person that the drunken night they had together a couple of months ago was going to change their lives forever?
"That's bullshit, Bean." The hockey player exclaimed, not believing what he was hearing for one second.
Bean was one of his best friends. Trevor knew her so well he could see she was obviously lying to him and that something more was going on. His stubbornness was getting the best of him, and he was going to get to the bottom of it. He missed her.
"You've been canceling plans; you don't sit by me in class anymore; you've left me on read more times than I can count; and I had to learn from Em-j that you left the country last weekend. What is going on, Bean?"
"I've just been really tired from school and work. It's just a lot. You know how busy it can get."
"You can tell me anything. I won't judge. You know that. Please." He pleaded with her. He wasn't going to let it go until Y/N told him.
"I'm pregnant."
"What?"
"I'm pregnant. I found out a few weeks ago, and last week I went to Vancouver, and I think I'm gonna keep it." She broke down in his arms. "And I'm scared, Trevor. I'm scared."
"Hey. It's going to be okay, Bean." Trevor reassured her the best he could. Which was as comforting as he thought he was being, considering there was still part of the situation he didn't know about.
"Who's the father? Because if he isn't going to be there for you, I'll kill him. I swear, Bean, I will." After what felt like an eternity, Trevor asked the most important question.
"It's not worth it, Z. It was only one time, and the father doesn't really know it's him. Plus, I don't really expect anything from him. He's got things going for him, and I don't want to get in the way of that." Y/N wiped the few tears that still fell from her eyes.
Trevor listened to Y/N's words carefully. He did some quick math, remembering that night in early January. He was almost 100 percent sure they were careful and took proper precautions to prevent this outcome from happening. But then again.
"Is it mine?" His heartbeat quickened when he came to the realization that y/n never mentioned sleeping with anyone else. Not that she would, because that's not stuff they talk about on a regular basis.
Um, I think I should leave." He hurried out the door. Her hesitance was enough of an answer for him, and there were a few things he needed to think about.
Please feel free to send in thoughts, comments, questions, and ideas!
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cowgurrrl · 1 year
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What Sarah Said
Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader
Author’s note: Listen, I don’t normally write babies into a happy ending but I needed this (PS I love this picture of Nico and Pedro)
Summary: “And when I turned to face grief, I saw that it was just love in a heavy coat.” - Shannon Berry aka you and Joel talk about having more kids (kind of a part two to Sweet Jane) [1.7k]
Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, talks of child loss (reader has lost a child), talks of pregnancy, grief, lmk if I missed anything!
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You blame Maria. Of course, her well-meaning questions and Camille, ever the adorable toddler, got in your head. It started when Maria told you about her son and, in return, you told her about Jane. She started asking if you and Joel ever talked about having kids or even if you had a plan for if you did get pregnant within the QZ. You always had a plan in mind, even before you started with Joel, but you never talked about it as a couple. Then, she told you about how great her labor and delivery team was when she gave birth to Camille and how they have the equipment to care for anything wrong.
That's when she really started pushing it by talking about schools, work schedules, and even play dates. "I know Camille would love to have a little cousin around," she said. It felt foreign and wrong to be talking about having another kid. You think it would feel that way even if Jane were alive, but her absence doesn't make this any easier. She backed off when you asked her to, but she still got into your head. A million different thoughts have been floating around since you saw her earlier. Maybe that's why you ambush Joel with the question before he can even take his boots off. 
"Do you think you'd ever want to have another kid?" You ask as he sits next to you on the couch. Ellie went to bed an hour ago, and you figured now was as good a time as any. You could've approached it gentler, especially since he was on patrol all day. Joel immediately sits straight up and gives you a worried look. 
"You're not pregnant, are you?"
"No," you think for a moment, doing mental math to ensure. He waits, the anxiety rolling off of him. "No. No, I'm not. Maria just said something when I was over there that made me think." He sighs and buries his head in his hands. You laugh a little at his reaction and put a soothing hand on his back, the muscles relaxing under your touch. He takes a couple of deep breaths before taking his head out of his hands to look at you. 
"Yeah, Tommy said something, too."
"What did Tommy say?" You ask.
"He said something about Maria's doctors and then asked if we had talked about having kids," he says, and you scoff. "What did Maria say?"
"Pretty much the same thing. Even brought up how great the schools here are." 
"Sounds like we got set up," He says, and you hum in agreement. "What do you think?" 
"I don't know. I mean, this was never a possibility for us before. We never talked about it, even before we left Boston. What do you think?"
"I'm not the one who'd be carryin' a baby for nine months, so I don't think it should be my decision."
"Your feminist thought is always appreciated, but that doesn't help." You say, and he falls quiet. You know to wait him out, to let him sort through his thoughts in silence before he speaks. He glances at his broken watch, searching for pieces of her in the shattered glass, before looking at you again. 
"Sarah always talked about how much she wanted a little brother or sister, but… I don't know. I was always happy with just her."
"Jane used to say the same thing. But, my pregnancy with her was so brutal, and it may have been because I was so young when I had her, or something went wrong. I never thought I'd do it again," you say. "There's also Ellie to think about. It'd be a big adjustment for her. She already gets anxious if one of us has a cold, let alone growing a human. There's a lot that could go wrong." 
After that, you go back and forth, listing all the ways having a baby would alter your life. You wouldn't be able to go on patrol with him anymore. You'd need medicine and vitamins. All the attention would go to the new baby, and Ellie could start feeling left behind. She just got into a normal routine where she goes to a normal school and does what kids her age should do. You can't fuck that up for her. It'd be scary, emotional, and painful, and that's just the pregnancy. Having a toddler was terrifying enough before the world went to shit. How do you keep a kid that small safe in a world so big? It's obviously possible. Camille and the other kids around the commune are evidence enough.
Even as you go through everything that could go wrong, the idea of Joel being a dad again makes something deep within you soften. He's always been so gentle and natural with Camille, even though it's been decades since he's dealt with a kid that small. He sits at the kitchen table every night to help Ellie with her homework, walking her through math problems like it's second nature, even though you can tell he doesn't understand either. He packs her lunch, walks her to school, and doesn't even blink when she walks down wearing one of his shirts. Domesticity looks good on Joel Miller. He's all relaxed shoulders and big smiles. The nightmares still linger in the shadows of both of your minds, but they're manageable.
That's what so much of your lives have been—manageable. "It sucks, but we'll manage" was your motto for much of your life before Ellie and Joel. You said it to Jane more often than not as a reminder that things could be better, but you were also trying really hard to make life easy for her. You said it to Joel when you started doing drops together. Then, you said it to Ellie when trying to get across the country with her. But now, possibly for the first time ever, it feels like you're doing much more than managing. The thought wiggles through your brain until it sits front and center, a bright, shining "Maybe."
"What?" He asks, breaking you out of your reverie. You shake your head, but he nudges you with his leg.
"It's stupid."
"Humor me."
"I just imagined a little you running around. That's all." You say, and he smiles. It's giddy and touches the corners of his eyes. You have to look away before you get sucked in.
"I thought we were just talking about all the reasons not to have a baby."
"We were. It was just… quick. Something fun to think about." 
"Tell me about it," He urges, moving closer to you. You sigh as you reach out and push the hair out of his eyes. "Boy or girl?"
"Girl. We both had girls, so I think it'd be a long shot if we had a boy."
"What were you imaginin’?" 
"I imagined a little girl with big curls and your nose running around with Ellie. Playing in the snow and learning how to ride horses and driving us fucking crazy. She'd be a troublemaker, and Ellie would love her for it," you say, his smile only getting brighter as you talk. "I'd go out on patrol, and you'd stay home with our girls because even though you're big and scary, you secretly love playing stupid games with them. You'd sing songs to the baby because she couldn't sleep without them, and you'd spoil her half to death. Ellie'd read the baby books about space, and when I come home, we’d cook dinner together and eat as a family, and we’d live an ordinary, unremarkable life in Jackson." 
"Ordinary is good. I could live with ordinary."
"It's a nice thought."
"Yeah," Joel says, nodding. You feel like crying, but you're not sure why. How could you cry over something that's not even real? 
"Is it bad that I want all that again?" You ask quietly, like you're afraid if you say it too loud, the universe will take everything away from you. Joel's jaw works as he thinks before he grabs your hand. 
"No, it's not because I want it, too." He says. You take a deep breath and nod, looking down at your joined hands.
"What do you think our girls would have to say about all this?"
"I think they'd be jumping up and down and screaming about how excited they'd be," he says. "I think they're doing that wherever they are."
"Me too," you say. Something heavy and dark and familiar weighs down that golden ball of hope still sitting in your chest. It aches as nothing else does, pulling the breath from you swiftly and mercilessly. Like a bomb leveling an entire block and everyone there. Like a stray gunshot hitting the wrong person. Like celebrating a birthday every year but never watching your child grow. "I wish they were here." You admit. Joel brings your hand to his lips and kisses it. His watery eyes match yours.
"Me too." He says. There's an unspoken addition to his sentence. Something about how they are still here because they were a part of each of you, perhaps your best parts, and they live on in you. You keep living because of that and because they loved you and wanted you to live even if they couldn't be around to see it. That might be the only solace when you lose a child.
"Are we crazy?" 
"Maybe."
"Are we gonna try to have a baby?" You ask, and a smile overtakes his features. 
"I thought that's what our whole conversation was just about." He says, and you roll your eyes before climbing onto his lap. It's a position you've been in far too many times, and you justify it by getting to be close to him, but really he's just pretty to look at sometimes. His hands rest on your waist as you settle, both of you still smiling like idiots.
"I want to hear you say it." 
"Mrs. Miller," he starts. "I want to have a baby with you because I love you, and I want a million little yous running around our house." He punctuates his sentence by leaning into you and kissing your neck. 
"A million?" You ask, tangling your hands in his hair. He hums against your skin.
"A million."
"Can we compromise for one?"
"I can be persuaded."
🍓
🍓
🍓
taglist: @evyiione @nyotamalfoy @abbyhaslongshorts​
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theambitiouswoman · 6 months
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Examples of Limiting Beliefs 💭👎🙊✨
Limiting beliefs are thoughts that make us think we can't do certain things. These thoughts can stop us from trying new stuff or achieving our goals. Our words and thoughts have power. They can influence our own feelings, behaviors, and perspectives, as well as those of others. For example, if we believe we're bad at something, like math, we might avoid it. This means we never get better or discover if we could actually enjoy it. These beliefs can come from past experiences, things people have told us, or what society expects. When we believe these negative thoughts, or speak negative words, we might miss out on opportunities, feel stressed, or even make decisions based on fear. These beliefs can also make us feel less confident, lower our motivation, and even stop us from being happy or connecting with others. To get over these beliefs, we need to understand them, question if they're really true, and then think in a more positive way.
“I can't handle failure."
"Others are better than me."
"I'm not worthy of success."
"I can't pursue my dream because it's impractical."
"I should always put others before myself."
"I'm bound to mess things up."
"I can't learn new things."
"I'm too different to fit in."
"Making money is wrong or evil."
"Rich people are greedy or unethical."
"I'll never be wealthy."
"It's not possible to earn money doing what I love."
"I don't deserve to be rich."
"Money doesn't come easily."
"There's never enough money."
"I have to work extremely hard to earn money."
"Wanting more money means I'm materialistic."
"I have to please everyone to be liked."
"I'm not good enough."
"I'll never be successful."
"I'm not smart enough."
"People don't like me."
"I'm bad with money."
"I can't do that; it's too hard."
"I'm too old to start something new."
"It's too late for me."
"I don't deserve happiness."
"I'm not creative."
"I can't change; it's just the way I am."
"I'm always unlucky."
"I don't have enough experience."
"I'll never find love."
"I have to be perfect to be loved."
"I always fail, so why try?"
"It's safer to stay in my comfort zone."
"I can't trust anyone."
"I'm not a leader."
"I should be content with what I have."
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channoticedmeuwu · 11 months
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𝐓𝐗𝐓 𝐀𝐒 . . . (cliche) highschool romance tropes !!
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🎧 𓈒 ◯ 𓏸 ﹒ ⭐ ﹒ ⌣⌣ ﹒ ☆
p : txt × fem!reader | g : fluffy fluff, slightly suggestive, cliche tropes 🫡 | w : suggestive sometimes? none really unless you consider fights a warning, not proofread
a/n : needed to get this out of my system lolll in love w hyuka rn.
🎧 — shy (eh o), loser lover, lotus, hula hoops, too many nights, mon amour, love is banned, BTBT
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YEONJUN | BAD BOY × GOOD GIRL
came in my mind in the shower. yes. I just feel that yeonjun would def be the popular guy, carries around a leather jacket and has dyed hair and everything, and hangs out with his cool friends who skip class all the time etc etc. and then he sees you, so pretty and in the moment, and you're always so composed and kept to yourself that it's almost like an immediate form of intrigue for him. it's weird that he's so into you when you've never spoken. and he's like....wtf. it's like, exchanging prolonged glances during class and accidentally brushing against each other's shoulders while walking in the halls. you know that you, the well known rule follower, could never talk to someone like yeonjun, the well known rule breaker. and yet, you broke that self made rule for the first time when he came by your locker to give you a note and ask you to a date—which seemed so out of character for yeonjun. maybe you're the first one he'd follow traditional ideas for.
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SOOBIN | ACADEMIC RIVALS
I said it before I'll say it again. SOOBIN ACADEMIC RIVALS AGENDA !! even wrote a whole fic 😭 I just think he's so neat as the school's pride and joy; has no trouble completing assignments and meets deadlines, and totally leaves the class speechless with how fast he finishes tests and exams. but then, his cool and calm persona breaks when he sees the class cheering for you during the timed group math assignment you have to do on dust boards. and he glances to his side of the board. how the fuck did you finish that before him? and so the unspoken rivalry continues as you tend to beat him more in assignments, draws being exclaimed for the both of you in awards supposed to be for one winner, and so on. and unspoken feelings tend to blossom when soobin finds himself growing weak at the scowl you make when you don't understand a question, or the proud smile you wear facing him yet again.
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BEOMGYU | ROCKSTAR + finding each other in a raw moment
cuz I'm just a teenage dirtbag babyyy. giving rodrick heffley vibes. probably would put all his allowance in buying a guitar n amp. didn't take lessons so now he's on the road to self learning 💪💪 feminist !!!!! ok but all jokes aside, he'd be late to a practice, cycling on the empty road when he sees you, walking with an armful of books because unlike mr teenage dirtbag you actually take school seriously (do you see where I'm going with this?), and he'd miss a rock on the road, causing his bike to stumble and fall, crashing right into you. so now the two of you lay on the floor, joints scratched and head aching as you scowl at each other. "what the fuck, choi beomgyu?" and he'd see you, pretty as ever, in the evening light, cheeks pink in the most perfect way and hair perfectly set up; as if you were going somewhere. when he notices your tears. "are you crying?" and you look away, angry that you let it show.
"why do you care?" you would ask, irritated, collecting all the books you dropped and trying to rub your eyes clear of all tears, probably smudging some make up along the way. and beomgyu would help you, helping you dust your outfit and overly apologizing. he didn't understand who would hurt you, but it struck a nerve in him. enough to ask you what happened, and offered to cycle you home. he's already late to practice, so does it really matter if he misses it or not? and when he finally drops you home, you give him a hug, thanking him for being so sweet (after almost running you over 😒😒).
and maybe that pulls choi beomgyu's heartstrings to play an unfamiliar melody that echoed in the empty, sunlit streets as a small smiled plastered over his face, exchanging a glance before you shut the door behind you.
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TAEHYUN | FAKE DATING
it just. makes sense. he's so not into you and you're so not into him. but holy shit, the rest of the school is. and you're like, let's give them what they want, right? esp when you want to get back at your ex for being such an ass to you during your breakup. y/n redemption arc but make it hotter. and taehyun was perfect, since he needed his friends to stop teasing him for being the only one who hasn't dated anyone yet. match made in hell, right? well, romantic feelings can be lucifer themselves, because when you and taehyun shared a secret (or not so secret) kiss right on the kitchen counter at yeonjun's party, shit turned weird. because last you recall, taehyun's scent wasn't lurking in your mind like it did that night, and he couldn't get the feeling of your lips smiling against him while the background blurred around him. and he distinctly remembers pushing a hand against the dozen cameras flashing around the two of you as all the people you tried to spite watched—as if you two were actually a thing. and god, explain the feeling of his heartbeat in his throat that he couldn't get rid of—as your eyes met, causing his mouth to go dry—if you guys were just acting?
a match made in hell, right?
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HUENINGKAI | BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS + a lil ♡ triangle
he's the sweetest boy you've ever met, and he watches from afar, a sad glint in his eyes as you try to warm up to your crush, testing the waters with hyuka before you could attempt it on your crush. like, fuck, did you have to grab his tie like that, pull him close and ask "does this do anything or are you just choking?" do you even know what kind of effect you had on him? and hyuka would just sit in a corner, munch on a snack he bought as you would try to impress your crush yet again, only to receive a stupid “huh?” as a response.
hyuka had his moments, moments where he wanted to slap the shit out of the boy, and scream at him “SHE'S INTO YOU, GODDAMMIT!” and spell it out for the clueless asshole, as the more you'd advance at him the more apparently confused he'd get. you were convinced your crush was just dumb, because he couldn't straight up tell you that he's not into you, and seeing you sulk after every obvious hint you dropped riled hyuka up. and he was especially pissed the fuck off when he overheard your crush in the boys' bathroom laugh with his friends at how stupid you were for still trying, even though he was obviously playing dumb to keep you going, making you look stupider.
hueningkai was pissed; at you for not realizing how you deserve better, at your crush for being the biggest douchebag you've ever liked, at himself for not being able to control his heart whenever you were near him, at the fucking WORLD for making his life this complicated.
but maybe patience is the best virtue, because when your crush just laughed at you in front of all his friends when you confessed to him, hyuka has never felt better satisfaction than punching the asshole straight in the face, over and over and OVER again. maybe he ended up in the principal's office with a bloody hand and aching fingers, but it didn't matter next to your (ex)crush's busted lip and bleeding nose.
and it especially didn't matter when you hugged him after he got suspended, because, in his mind, if you'd never love him the same way he loved you, he was still the sweetest boy you've ever met.
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txt : masterlist
main taglist (hmu to get added!) : @koishua @navyhyuck @allegxdly @daystiny  @kdyism  @neotism  @bluejaem  @radiorenjun  @sleepylixie @oifelixcmerebrou @mrkcore @imdamnconfused  @sicluvz @abhirami20 @tyongishs @emvrd @brxght-world
I’d appreciate if you’d give me a little feedback on the drabble if you read, whether it’s an ask, a reply or in the tags of the rb! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!
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shayyprasad · 3 months
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weighing scale
tw: eating disorder (purging, not eating), bodyshaming, ed shaming
btw, if it's requested, i can turn drabbles into full oneshots!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you guys are beautiful the way you are, and nothing anybody ever says or does will ever change that. remember that gaining weight is totally normal, and you can always lose weight, too, but please, do it in a healthy way. if you ever need anyone to talk to, and this isn't just for eds, i'm here, and you can reach out. if not, there are people who care about you and love you.
you're amazing you beautiful mfs
(also i'm sorry if this might not be correct for you, everyone has different experiences with eds)
(also, also, i did 1st person ... and this is just the way i thought when i was going thru this so i kinda made it relate w/ me??)
100.
98.
96.
she watched as the numbers went down, satisfied despite the fact that it was only one pound less yesterday.
90.
88.
even if it meant that she'd always be cold, or that her hair would fall out. it was a small price to pay to be beautiful. to be skinny. to be like all the other girls that peter liked.
y/n kept telling herself that. and it was enough to keep her going.
{four weeks prior}
(first person)
they had little packets for us to take home, like forms. something along the lines of "annual health check-up." the form was just... well, it wasn't a form, really, but more of an opt-out. the paper said they'd just check weight, height, and some other things, like make sure you didn't have scoliosis.
honestly?
i was just happy to be missing a good chunk of math.
everyone got called down to the gym by period, and mine was 5th period, right before lunch.
our class was waiting for them to call us down, so mr. callen just let us do whatever until then. i glanced over to see liz, kayla, and chloe in the corner of the classroom, giggling and pointing towards some of the boys, and eventually, mr. callen.
he was one of the youngest members on faculty, fresh out of college. and i'll admit, he's not bad looking. in fact, he's hotter than most of the guys. and if it wasn't peter that had my heart, maybe i'd think about someone else.
not that the whole peter thing was going great anyways, he seemed interested in liz. so maybe that was my hint to move on. but i don't know. i've just liked him forever, it'd feel wrong to stop now.
i'm just really loyal, i guess.
or maybe this is some weird first love/crush thing, because no matter what, i keep finding myself coming back to him.
it took me second to realize that i'd been staring at the same spot for a while now, so i probably looked funny. i re-adjusted my position and looked at the clock, noting there there was just a few minutes until we'd have to go down.
i looked by at the girls, then at the teacher. did they not realize that he had an engagement ring on? or where they just dense?
because honestly, i'm having a hard time figuring out which one it is.
liz pushed chloe over to the desk, giggling like a manic.
chloe bit her lip, trying to hold in laughter. "hiiii, cal. you know, like, cupid's day is coming?"
me, personally, i didn't really believe in the whole dumb blonde thing, but chloe was changing my aspect on this.
cupid's day was on valentine's day, and you could pay a dollar to have a rose delivered to someone. normally, the freshmen girls did most of the planning. freshmen girls were annoying. they were always together, and i didn't remember a time i'd seen one alone.
i didn't get any on my first year here. last year i got three. but it didn't really count, because mj got me one and betty did. i was hoping that i'd figure out who the third person was, but three weeks into that investigation, i kinda gave up. if they hadn't revealed themselves to me at that point, i'd figured that they probably wouldn't.
maybe junior year will go better.
if you were popular popular, you got at least seven, so it was kind of embarrasing to only get one. and it was probably even more embarrasing to only have, like, one friend. which was betty. but she hadn't hung around me that often since she started dating ned.
mj was an observer, and i knew that much. it was probably the only reason she got me a rose, because she felt bad. but then again, anyone could see how pathetic it was.
peter and i used to be pretty close, but then he met ned, so the attention he gave me got halved.
i would have tried to be friends with ned, because i know he's really nice, but i stressed out too much about it for some reason and gave up. social anxiety, perhaps? it didn't matter, it was too late to do anything about it now.
after that, peter started hanging around liz and some of the other popular kids, and entirely forgot about me.
did forget about ned, though. maybe beacuse i was a girl, and so peter got called "gay" a lot for that. i didn't have much of a chance compared to liz, so i just admired him from afar. it's not that we didn't talk, because we did sometimes, but... actually, i don't know what.
if peter wanted to, he would have.
and it's fairly obvious, but i'm delusional and chose to ignore that.
the intercom snapped me out of whatever zoning out i'd gone back to, "block d, block d. i-is this on? oh, it is? i- yes, block d down to the gym."
everyone got up and pushed their way out the door, i didn't have that type of energy, so i just waited for everyone to get their butts outta the way and then went myself. i followed them down to the hall, staying behind a little. when i finally got over there, i ended up last, right behind chloe, kayla, then liz.
for the most part, it only took a minute or two for each person, so the line didn't take that long.
well, i suppose that's subjective.
it took 15 minutes, but whatever.
when liz was inside, she didn't take care to close the door all the way, leaving it a couple inches open. that's on her.
that's on her for being irresponsible, so it's not really my fault if i accidently hear. i leaned in a little, suddenly very interested in the wall, with all it's cracks... and... paint, and...
"and step on the scale, please... that is," she paused, and you could hear scribbling of a pen.
"121.3 pounds. perfectly healthy. that's actually the average weight for girls your age," another pause, "make sure to give this form to your parents. have a nice day."
liz said something in return and i stepped back, done admiring the wall. "next!" the lady called in.
i stepped inside the room, and it smelt strongly of hand-sanitizer. "okay, honey, step up against the wall... height is... alrightly. now the scale, please."
i did as she asked, keeping my eyes trained on the numbers.
149.7 pounds. basically 150. that was more than liz's, right?
"149, okay, you're good to go-"
"is that around average weight?" i asked, and it was impulsive, i didn't even think.
"well, it's somewhere around that. you're perfectly healthy."
the intercom came on again, signaling my time was over, and the lady thought the same thing, because she ushered me out.
as i walked back to the classroom, i couldn't help but think;
149? no, 150? around average? so basically, i was above average. 30 pounds heavier than liz? no wonder peter likes liz better.
god, that's disgusting. i'm disgusting.
i trudged back to class, unable to stop thinking about it. and suddenly, an idea popped into my mind; why not lose weight? if i lost a little, maybe peter would care about me again.
that's genius. god, i'm a genius.
yeah. i lose a little weight.
when i got back, he'd already started the lesson, not that i cared. i spent the rest of that class figuring out the kinks, like how many calories i'm allowed to eat per day.
i settled on 800.
it seemed like a decent number if i wanted to actually make an impact with weight loss.
stupid kale smoothies weren't gonna get me anywhere, nor idiotic influencer workout routines.
before i knew it, the bell rung and kids were hustling through the hallways. i was kind of on autopilot as i walked to lunch, not really watching where i was going. i'd by mistake shouldered some people, and they gave me dirty looks. i shot them right back.
i couldn't help but silently, in my mind, judge everyone's body that i saw. and not just their body, but other physical features, too. it was automatic, i didn't even mean to. but i couldn't help it.
she's really fat. the gym exists for a reason.
how is she so skinny? i know she's anorexic.
and it just went on and on.
i didn't know what was going on. why this mattered to me all of a sudden.
it was like i didn't notice these things before, i wasn't looking for them, but now that i knew they were there, i couldn't help it.
i couldn't help a lot of things.
when i walked into the lunchroom, i saw peter sitting by himself, writing on some piece of paper, and if i knew him, he wasn't doing the homework due tomorrow.
he was doing yesterday's.
it didn't seem like i'd be bothering him if i went to go talk to him, so that's what i did. i figured since we hadn't talked in while, it would be great to now.
and it'd be a great distraction, too.
i sat down across from him, "hi, peter."
he looked up slowly, a smile rising on his face. "uh, hey, y/n/n," peter paused, "what, um, what did you need?"
"huh? oh, i didn't need anything. just thought i'd come by and annoy the hell out of you."
"just like old times," peter snorted.
"math homework?"
"yep. i have math-"
"-next period," i realized my mistake after i made it. "um, 'cause i see you when i'm walking to class."
in repsonse, he nodded like he was considering it.
i didn't notice i was hungry until my stomach growled, but something inside of me made the thought of getting food and eating it repulsive. i hesitated before grabbing on of peter's fries and popping it in my mouth. he didn't say anything, or really even care, and i didn't know if i liked that or not.
"okay. you have chem next, yeah?"
i blushed at the fact he knew.
"uh, yep," i snagged some more fries, feeling myself loosen up.
and then i realized, that's what this was; i was just in need of some time with actual people who weren't my parents.
i liked this. i liked talking to peter. it was easy. this was easy.
we laughed about some other things, like flash's new donkey haircut.
and i stole more fries. ned, betty, and mj (who normally sat two seats away) came over. the topic of cupid's day came up.
"how many do you think you'll get?" betty asked.
i looked up, "roses?"
"uh-huh."
ned spoke up, "you won't need to worry, bet, i'll get you a whole bouquet." he looked proud of himself.
"i'm not worried," she giggled, like the lovesick fool she was. it was gross. and yes i admit, it was slightly because i was jealous, but whatever. betty didn't have to act so idiotic and desperate.
betty's skinny, too.
"what about you, y/n?" peter said, locking eyes with me.
"i dunno. i never really get any."
something changed in peter's expression, but as soon as it was there, it was gone.
i took another fry. they were really good, for some reason.
"fattie," peter laughed, pulling his lunch tray back, "and then you complain about not getting roses!"
that caused a round of laughs in the small group, but my heart dropped to my feet.
i was right. i was overweight. even peter noticed.
freaking peter noticed.
god, i was ugly and fat, and even peter saw that.
of course he liked liz. he'd be crazy not to. she was curvy and skinny and petite and pretty and skinny.
she was skinny.
i didn't have her hourglass figure.
never did i ever want out of my own skin more.
"y/n?" pete frowned. "i-i'm sorry, it was a joke, i didn't-"
"no, no, not that. i, uh, i... forgot i was supposed to meet with a teacher. sorry. i have to go."
i didn't go to any teachers.
i did go to the bathroom.
and i hid in the handicapped stall. i didn't cry, or sob, or weep or whatever it was stupid girls did in hallmark movies or stuff.
i stood in front of the mirror and picked out everything i hated, making a mental list in my head.
i didn't finish that list, not even after 30 minutes when the bell rung.
-
the rest of the day flew by rather quickly, it seemed. i felt like i was trapped in a warm haze, but not the fuzzy, happy warmth. i didn't like the way i was thinking. it's like i wanted my brain to turn off, these intruding, ugly thoughts were taking up too much room.
i felt icky.
when i got home, i didn't have my normal after-school snack like i usually did. i went straight upstairs and did homework.
i finished two essays (one that wasn't due until two weeks, and one that was due two days from now), my math homework and studied for my math test, started my science project, and did my french flashcards (and studied them a bit).
i must have been locked in my room for hours, because by the time i got up, it was dark outside.
i wasn't a studious person, and the only reason i did any of this was to forget for a little while. to snap out of it. and for a while, it worked.
"y/n, honey!" my mom screamed from downstairs, and as i glanced at the clock, i realized it was time to have dinner.
but i wasn't hungry.
well, i was.
let me rephrase that; i didn't want to eat.
however, i didn't want my mother yelling at me, so i went down anyways. not that i was planning to eat.
"mom?"
"oh, hey. i already set the table, you seemed like you were working hard and i didn't wanna bother you. dad's working late. go sit down-"
"not hungry."
she frowned. "well, you have to eat something."
"but i'm not hungry," i said, hating how sharply it came out.
my mom gave me warning look. "look, i've had a long day, so don't start with me."
"mommmm," i whined.
"sit."
so i did. i felt bad about bothering her.
i ate. small, tentative bites, forcing it all down. we didn't talk.
silently, i put my dish in the sink, before heading upstairs. the food sat at the bottom of my stomach, like a pile of heavy rocks. i wanted them out.
so i turned on the shower and locked the bathroom door, kneeling in front of the toilet. i pressed my fingers to the back of my throat and kept them there for a second. at first, all i got was bile.
but then i threw up.
-
peter and i started talking more again. i think he got in a fight with liz.
i asked him if they were dating, and he said no.
i think he started hanging out with me again because i got skinny. i know for a fact that i'm skinnier than liz. i weigh less then her now.
the numbers told me that.
but i didn't listen.
i didn't stop, and how could i? when i'd gotten this far?
-
we got in a fight. not the yelling kind, though. well, kind of. i yelled a bit.
i thought he was complimenting me. he said i looked skinny, so i thanked him.
"no... i-" he paused, trying to get his thoughts together, "you look skinny, yes, but not in a good way."
"what? what do you mean? like, there's only a good way," i laughed, slightly nervous.
peter ingnored that. "have you been eating enough, angel?" his voice was soft, but there was worry in it. why was he worried? this is the best i've ever been.
"do you ask liz that, too?"
"i- what?"
"liz is skinny. you don't ask her that."
"that- that is different. y-you haven't been eating, have you? is-"
"god, parker! stop! it's none of your business!" maybe if i hadn't been so flustered, i'd have come up with a better comeback.
-
i was hunched over the toilet, but nothing was coming out. everything hurt.
my head. my stomach.
my throat was scratchy and raw.
i didn't hear the knocking on the door.
i don't really remember peter coming in. i thought i locked it. what was he doing at my house? i couldn't remember.
i wanted to sleep.
i think i was crying. i don't know. i only vaguely remember the hot tears.
i slightly remember him pulling me away from the toilet and into his arms. there were lots of holes in my memory for that day.
he stayed with me, though. one thing i'm sure about is that peter never left my side. i can recall bright lights. tubes. i was laying on something. white walls. white sheets.
what was engraved into my head was peter whispering "i love you" over and over again. in the bathroom. in the car. was it a car? as they hooked me up to cables.
all that mattered, though, was that i was skinny now. just the thought made me feel light and airy.
to think that all it took was a little motivation and a weighing scale.
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