#i really really don't want anything i've said here to get misconstrued

[lovemyromance]

Stops this madness!!

Like yes, I know every side of the fandom is guilty of twisting things in their favor but come on. COME ON.

There are theories and then there are people doing the splits, breaking their arm trying to make these egregious extrapolations and reaches.

I have personally, never denied the fact that Elucien were mates. In fact, I didn't even question that fact despite the Elriel theories swimming around - until HOFAS came out and we got confirmation the cauldron was wrong

Yes, their bond seemed so different than Feysand and Nessian, but I did not really say anything about it until I got canon confirmation that the Cauldron had been tampered with.

I did not twist canon text. I did not theorize beyond what is already there on the page.

So I hope you can see why, I am incredibly annoyed every time I see Eluciens trying to shit on every Elriel moment and twisting it to have some alternative crazy reasoning.

I'm not going to call anyone out because I don't usually go fighting on anti-posts (even though their blatant disregard for canon makes my eye twitch). But why did I see an anti post saying

"Oh, Azriel only went to go save Elain from Hybern's camp as a challenge from Nesta, because she said "then you will die". He was just trying to prove her wrong."

Like what? You are honestly telling me, someone read that scene, saw how Azriel defied all warnings and orders and said "I'm getting her back" when he is not her mate, not her sister, barely even her friend at this point, getting his wings shredded to save her, swaying on his feet from pain and blood loss but still not letting her go and demanding to get the chains off her -

You read that scene-the multiple chapters to cover it - and thought "Oh, he only did that to prove Nesta wrong?"

REALLY?

Why would he even want to prove Nesta wrong? Why would that even be a thing? Why would it be something he would risk his life for? Can you please explain? Is he suddenly beefing with Nesta in the middle of a war?

Sometimes... the most obvious answer is the right one. Sometimes when an author writes something, she means it.

Like half the headcannons and theories antis post are fine whatever, but why do they have to shit on beautiful Elriel moments? Your ship should be able to float on its own, and if it doesn't maybe that's a sign 🙄

Sorry Elucien doesn't have any positive interactions together. Sorry Gwynriel barely even interacts on the page, let alone romantically.

Be happy with your ship. And if headcannons and theories is all you have, then be happy with that because you chose to ignore canon and ship whatever. Don't go around trashing actual canon text and purposefully misconstruing it to make yourself feel better.

God I'm tired of this and I've literally only been engaging in this fandom for like a month. I can't imagine what people who've been here since 2016 have had to go through, y'all stronger than me for sure 😅

#elriel #azriel #elain archeron #pro elain #acotar #elain x azriel #elain #antielucien #antigwynriel

[volivolition]

Any updates on all wip fics? and what is your ao3 username if you have one?

if you don't want to share any info, it's all good

i hope you know how hard i am YIPPEE-ing after getting this ask, I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY FIC WIPS!!!! YEAHGKJH!!!! <33 my AO3 is also volivolition, but i dont have anything posted there yet :]

TL;DR: I have 4+ WIPs im working on simultaneously: Unstoppable Force Kisses Immovable Object - A Voli/Echem enemies -> enemies with benefits -> friends with benefits -> lovers fic that started as PWP but whoops its not just smut anymore lmao? Meet the Parts that Make You - A "Kim introduced to the Skills" fic! Let's Make It (a) Home - A Skills fic showing the aftermath of the amnesia wiping out Harry's mindspace, with the Skills working together to rebuild it into a home during the Hanged Man case. Mostly domestic fluff. Swept Up in the Feeling - An Empathy-centric fic, originally an excuse to do Skill character studies. Empathy understanding each skill while they do activities together <3 (gained a plot. suddenly.)

ANYWAY!! more info, snippets and musings under the cut!

Unstoppable Forces Kisses Immovable Object Word Count: 18722 Rating: Explicit Okay, so technically this document isn't just one story. It's my catch-all "any Volistry writing goes HERE" containment zone. Like I said, this wasn't supposed to be anything big, I just wanted to write a bunch of drabbles and practice writing smut because I've never done that before. But then the drabbles started connecting to each other and Voli and Echem started falling in love without asking me and so it's like. A whole thing now lmao?

they bring me so much joy. they're so fun to write, because volition will say something so normal and echem will find some way to misconstrue it and volition will bicker and echem will flirt back and volition will sigh and they're so fucking funny to me. they just keep talking, their back-and-forth banter is so natural to write, which is why this fic is so long hkgjh

they learn to balance each other out!! i want them to be soft and witty with each other and i'll. cry about them. if you catch me at the right time i will wax poetic about their relationship but right now they're just being incoherently rotated in my brain.

anyway here's a snippet, i have so much written for this damn fic that i had trouble choosing lmao. it's like. mildly suggestive? but truly nothing blatant, just cutesy shit lmao

Meet the Parts that Make You Word Count: 3886 Rating: Mature This fic is the closest of the four to being abandoned lmao? Or at least I want to finish Swept Up before writing this one, because as it stands I feel like I can't grasp everyone's characters right without doing some character study beforehand. It might also be because I'm currently more obsessed with the Skills instead of the humans, though i still love them.

but yes! Meet the Parts that Make You is a fic after Martinaise, established relationship for KimHarry, where Kim is casually introduced to the skills over dinner, and they document their findings in Kim's notebook over the course of about a week. it's a lot of skills banter and silly moments!! harry can honestly say that every single part of him loves Kim.

here's where they're trying to show off each of their different specialties, featuring Reaction Speed and Hand/Eye Coordination who are my sillies.

Let's Make It (a) Home Word Count: 1896 Rating: Teen+ I think if I want to finish any fic first, I want it to be this one, because it really sets the scene for the rest of the universe of all my other fics. The main gist is that Perception can pull in anything that Harry's looking at into the mindspace, and once they figure this out, most of the skills go "Hey we should bring in more things so we can decorate!"

volition my friend and perpetual spoilsport :3 anyway, different skills affect the object's properties! Perception can pull things in, Interfacing can give it texture, Conceptualization can make it different colors and Reaction Speed can duplicate it. Empathy makes it so the object has the correct feelings attached to it (Dora's letter, for example) and Half Light can immediately destroy the object (Dora's letter, for example).

this fic is basically The Hanged Man case, but from the perspective of the Skills. i think it focuses on some specific skills, but maybe not all of them because I'd die if i had to give each one of them an individual chapter. maybe i'll smoosh some skills together? i love all of them and i want all of them to get some screen time, but it would wreck me lmao

i have a whole Volition scene written out and i think its so fucking gorgeous bro... i love writing. it's like... rebuilding after death, the skills have a kind of blank slate too, you know? they're learning to work together again, regaining memories, making new ones, making a home together. the way different skills need to work together to make an object in the mindspace real. I WANT THEM TO BE A HAPPY FAMILY. AUHG.

Swept Up in the Feeling Word Count: 5103 Rating: This is Mature. Except the Echem chapter. Which is Explicit.

EMPATHY MY FAVORITE SKILL. OUGH. EMPATHY. MY FRIEND. this fic is about Empathy getting roped into a bunch of shenanigans with the other skills, and goes along with it all while better understanding each of them.

so remember when i said I'd die if i had to give each one of them an individual chapter? yeah. that's because THIS is the story where i give each one of them an individual chapter.

24 chapters, one per each skill. Including, but not limited to:

Exercising with Physical Instrument!

Art time with Conceptualization!

Performance with Drama!

Listening to Encyclopedia infodump!

Reminiscing with Volition!! (THEY ARE CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS!!!)

Staying up late with Endurance

"Overstimulated Skills Support Group" with Perception

Talking about understanding people vs understanding machines with Interfacing

Talking about understanding people vs understanding specific people with Esprit de Corps

Apologizing to Composure about making their life harder with UNNECESSARY FEELINGS ("as if we don't deal with enough of our own, you bring in other people's emotions for me to hide?" "why do we always need to hide them?" "BECAUSE... :| Just because.")

A Talk with Half Light.

Y'know... with Electrochemistry (there's more to it than just that though lmao)

This fic will be the death of me, with all the skills, but I really really want to do skill character studies. I need to research their lines on Fayde and understand each of them so I can write all of them better.

This is also so I can be obsessed with each of them. Currently I have a lot of faves, but I don't care about all of them yet when i WANT TO!! i want to know each of them intrinsically!! I wrote a bit of the Endurance chapter and I didn't use to care for him very much, but then I wrote the lines

"Endurance is not tired; he can't afford to be. Not when everyone else is. He would stand before any of them, from the first intellect to the last motoric, in order to take a blow meant for someone frailer, less capable of surviving it. He will endure it instead."

and now I'm sympathetic to him. like, ough. If I understand them, then I learn to love them, and that's also why I'm writing it from Empathy's perspective! Empathy feels what other the other skills feel and does bonding activities with them with similar feelings, does that make sense? i really want to learn characterization for each of them, this fic truly is just an excuse for me to do character studies so i know all their character motivations.

BUT. it also has backstory plot now that im invested in lmao? based off of character design that i have. I STILL NEED TO POST MY SKILL REFS. RAUGH. but yeah all of my stories get too big for me really, i always bite off more than i can chew for projects like this lmao.

Other Fics: Skill Body Swap Fic! its shoved into Unstoppable Force's document for the time being, since this is mostly an excuse for Volition/Echem swap (Echem's body is ~sensitive~ if you're not used to it and i love putting voli through Situations. meanwhile Volition's body has the morale health pool in it that echem has to take care of), and ive only written that specific swap, but i think it'd be cool if i swapped EVERY SKILL.

Logic and Drama would be funny hkjgh Drama would 1) immediately slot into the new role and be extremely good at pretending nothing is wrong. What do you mean, he hasn't switched bodies with anyone? That's highly improbable. 2) love saying lies as if they were appropriate conclusions, and actual Logic would be like "That's literally wrong. Stop that."

Empathy and Composure would be interesting! Empathy's body is constantly picking up on everyone's emotions, and also is always on the brink of tears. Composure's body is not made to experience the same emotions, much less the emotions of others. Empathy's cut off from feeling and Composure is struggling not to fucking cry, poor guy.

Shivers and anyone? I just think Shivers should be small and worried about her connection to Revachol. and some other skill is just like "WHY IS THIS SO OVERWHELMING. HELLO??"

i dont know, theres a lot of ways i could go with this, i'll figure it out lmao. if anyone has suggestions for interesting/funny swaps and is even reading this far, let me know

The Sunrise Momentum. I SWEAR TO GOD IF I DONT WRITE THIS FIC. I NEED TO FUCKING WRITE THIS. Volition's vow with Harry that i cry about once per day. VOLITION IS TO HARRY AS HARRY IS TO REVACHOL. AUGH. "I will do everything in my power to keep you alive. I will keep you on this earth." my knight in lavender armor i am OBSESSED WITH YOUUUU!! *vibrates at high velocity*

okay that's about it, thanks for reading my RAMBLES!!

#inland drabbles #volta transmissions #BIG OL POST!! i love talking about my wips. i have so much to say #sorry this took a bit to compile. every time i checked word counts i added a little more to each story and had to keep updating word counts #ad infinitum forever hkgjh I JUST ADDED 500 MORE WORDS TO SWEPT UP JUST NOW WHILE UPDATING IT!! FUCK!!! #sorry this drama chapter is really fun hkjgh ANYWAY!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING!!! ASK AGAIN ANYTIME <33 #it will be shorter next time i promise. probably. lmao?? #task: unstoppable force #task: meet the parts #task: let's make it a home #task: swept up

[reallyunluckyrunaway]

My feelings about the Timothee Chalamet poem...

So, Josh Brolin (one of the actors starring in Dune) known for playing the Warmaster Gurney Halleck— wrote a poem that is about another one of his costars, Timothee Chalamet.

...And it has kind of been going viral on the internet...for multiple reasons.

For context, here's the infamous poem:

My take personally, is that people are taking this poem way too seriously. I think we as a society see any type of romanticism or affectionate descriptors as something inherently sexual, especially when said sentiments are being exchanged between two males. Is the poem somewhat romantic and full of flowery prose? Yes. Yes it is.

Do I believe it's meant to be sexual or predatory in nature? No. No I don't.

Josh has a deep personal connection to his costars, he's worked on two different movies and has gone on at least two press tours with them.

And as someone who likes to express his feelings, they will inevitably be misconstrued or misinterpreted.

To some, this poem is seen as something unusual and perhaps a bit strange. It's an older man gushing about and appreciating his much younger costar, after all... And while I understand how it might have set off some 🚩 🚩red flags 🚩🚩 in a certain amount of readers who interpreted it as potentially romantic nature... (Trust me, I get it.)...

I've also noticed the majority of them (the naysayers) weirdly seem more bothered by the subject, and his gender—rather than his age... Which comes across as homophobic more than anything else.

(There's already a bunch of tweets and YouTube videos saying as much...)

But like I said earlier, I don't think this was MEANT to be romantic or sexual.

Poets use descriptive language and "sensual" prose to keep the attentions of readers in general, and people misconstrued the meaning of the poem entirely and just melted it down to: "Josh wants to fuck Timothee Chalamet, I guess."

Which is straight up stupid and disappointing if you ask me...

I think it was supposed to have more to do with seeing acting and the art of acting, through his much younger coworkers' eyes. Watching as someone comes into their confidence within the craft, and begins to come out of their shell. Making a name and niche for themselves.

Like this tweet states:

"Everyone in here saying this is on some sexual attraction shit when really he just seems disillusioned with his craft and that’s a much more interesting angle".

But anyways, I'm gonna go sleep people's ignorance off...

#dune 2021 #dune part two #movies #dune part 2 #dune movie #josh brolin #denis villeneuve #dune #poem of the day #poem and poetry #words words words #rant #rant post #feelings #my feels are all over the place #my take #hot take #timothee chalamet #timothee chamalet #zendya #dune2 #chalamet

[gralunaisland]

lol i just got a message that juvia is a well written character. Arguments from the category "oh, well, she stopped chasing Gray at the end of the manga and stopped counting on reciprocity. Now Gray is chasing after her!" However, no clear evidence was provided for this. How do you think she has "grown" even one iota as a character? sorry for my english , ehe

juvia Has Had Zero Character Growth

I'm so sorry that I've taken so long to get to your ask @sursirini! I have more asks than I can count rn and so much college work to do @_@. But I have finally returned!

Oh boy, I do not know how people think that juvia has had any character growth whatsoever. Of course that person who dmed you didn't provide any proof because they have none, and yet they keep arguing in a futile manner. I'm sorry you had to deal with that; I hope they left you alone. Also, your English is very good! I would've thought you were a native speaker! ;)

Onto your very good question, I do not think she has grown one iota as a character at all.

I actually go into 2 instances in this post of mine, and I can quickly summarize it here, but that post is much more in depth so I highly recommend reading that one as well (though actually I noticed you reblogged it so you've probably already read it! Thank you for that!)

The two instances I talked about in the aforementioned post was when juvia sacrificed herself for Gray and when she "apologized" for "killing" Silver. For the first point, I said in my post that she lacks self so therefore her sacrifice doesn't mean anything as she would die if Gray died since her entire being is based off of him. It is only selfless in the way that she is devoid of a self in the first place, and this action is just as selfish since she wouldn't have a reason to live if Gray was gone.

As for her apology, I continued on in my post to say that she never apologized and only had a personal pity party to make Gray feel bad. she's not sad for Gray at all that he had to lose his father twice, she's just sad because she thinks she lost her "right" to love him.

I can go into a couple other instances as well.

juvia sacrificing her body for Cana in their fight against Freid scene? Look no further than this post of mine where I go in depth as to how it doesn't prove any real character development not to mention goodness. Short answer is after this one instance, she goes back to being a butt to every woman again as well as making it clear that she doesn't really love FT, and "reverting back to your sickly ways" is the definition of not growing.

juvia making nice with Lucy in the Tower of Heaven? Guess what? Same thing because she goes right back to calling Lucy a blond bimbo as soon as their lives aren't in danger. I've said it before and I'll say it again, but if you only really apologize and act like you care for someone when your life is in danger but are a jerk every other time, you don't really care for them, you just don't want to feel guilty and have regrets.

All this doesn't even mention how juvia continues to stalk and harass Gray even to the end of FT and into 100yq. Literally nothing about her behavior changes; only Gray's behavior does as he is thoroughly brainwashed by this wicked woman.

Honestly at this moment, I can't even think about other examples Pros might come up with because there are so few instances of things that could be misconstrued as being character growth. If y'all think of any, let me know and I'll give you my thoughts!

Also, @absolutezerotolerance had a wonderful post that drew a really helpful comparison linked here. Most of that post was debunking a dumb gr///via post, but the thing that stood out most to me was comparing juvia at the beginning of the manga and then at the end. she really hadn't changed at all, from doom and gloom because no one loved her, to doom and gloom because no one, least of all Gray, loved her. Absolutely nothing had changed except for the fact that she only wanted Gray's affections instead of affection in general, and through that, she became a dependent, parasitic, satellite character who lacks agency.

Anyway, thank you again for your patience, and if you have any more questions, feel free to ask! Have a wonderful day!

#askgraluna #anti gruvia #anti juvia #anti juvia lockser #anti juvia loxar #fairy tail #ask #defend gray fullbuster #gray fullbuster #anti gray x juvia #cana alberona #lucy heartfilia #fairy tail discourse #fairy tail discussion #gruviugh #gruvia can burn #gruvia sucks

[ashes-writing]

Can we please have some more Gareth love? I can see Jeff and Gareth bromance as well with s/o dating Gareth with like jokes that they're dating Jeff too

|| taglist babes + req rules + send ?s + masterlist ||

Ooh, ohmigoodness, always! I love this whole idea, it's the cutest, thank you for sending this to me!! I'm really enjoying these questions so much y'all are out here letting me say stuff I've been dying to with each one of these I get and I love you for it!

A long winded rambly thing under the cut. I hope you enjoy this.

Warnings;

Nothing save for reader being non-gendered and everyone involved in this being 18 for comfort sake as well as a teeny mention of weed.

Honestly, I feel in my heart that Gareth gets his crush on reader THROUGH his best friend. Like reader is a mutual, but they don't really know each other well at first. Then Jeff brings them around -maybe to a show, maybe it's just talking at school and this boy is HEART EYES.

But he feels sooooo fucking guilty about it when it happens because he thinks that there's a chance that Jeff likes reader and Reader likes Jeff. Because they're so playful with each other that some people misconstrue it as flirting. But then reader starts coming around more and more and the more they're around, the harder he falls. He kind of acts distant and stuff until Jeff mentions it. Because Jeff loves them both so very much they're literally his two favorite people and he wants them to get along, right?

Gareth can't keep a secret from Jeff for actual shit, so before he knows it, he's telling Jeff how he feels and bracing himself for a fight at best, his best friend -the guy who is like a brother to him, to hate him at worst. NEITHER THING HAPPENS. What does happen is Jeff is practically on the floor howling in laughter because he kind of felt like this is what Gareth would tell him and he already knows from the way Reader is so bummed about Gareth keeping himself distant when reader is around that Reader feels something for him too.

I totally feel like Jeff teases them both about this constantly. But they're both stubborn and they both refuse to do or say anything. BUT.. They're getting to know each other now and this is a start in Jeff's eyes and I get cupid vibes off of him lowkey for some reason, so like.. He's just going to meddle a little, right?

This meddling is Jeff talking Gareth into asking reader if they want to come over to his place for the usual weekend movie night that he and Gareth have been doing since they were practically toddlers. Only Jeff cancels at the last minute and this is what kickstarts Gareth and Reader because they... get really close. Reader hates blood and guts so at one point during Sleepaway Camp, Reader just kind of lunges themself at Gareth and buries their face in his neck and refuses to move. Which is totally fine with Gareth because it makes him feel so good. Wanted. it's nice. And then after the bloody part is over, Reader just like.. doesn't move. Which then turns to a very heated makeout on the Emerson's couch, and the rest of the movie is basically ignored.

From then forward, these three are always together? It literally becomes a huge rumor at one point that both guys are dating reader and given that i firmly believe both Jeff and Gareth happen to be kind of on the antagonistic side, I feel like the three of them kind of play to it a lot of the time. And they get the hugest kick out of watching people's heads explode over it? Like, it's hilarious to them.

I feel like all of the parents involved are in on said joke too. I say this because it deals with my next headcanon for this. Reader gets a call and their mother will yell out to them, "It's your boyfriend." and reader will respond "Which one?" and their mother will cackle but then tell them which guy is calling.

we won't talk about when they're all having a little 'smoke circle' somewhere and the way they all have Eddie convinced there's something going on between all three of them because weed makes them touchy and giggly and they're calling each other petnames and "my bf/gf" all night. Oh and the fact that while Reader shotguns smoke with Gareth primarily, they do shotgun the smoke with Jeff once or twice.

Reader loves to tell anybody who will listen or who is curious that they got two men for the price of one. Like, lets be real, I don't know about you but damn straight I'd brag and be an obnoxious little shit about this too if I were them?

Just to further carry the whole joke / rumor, they do group costumes at Halloween. They purposely find matching ugly christmas sweaters and shit too and they wear them EVERYWHERE.

Cuddle pile, anyone?

All three share the love language touch so they're always touching in some way? Like whether it's a hug on a bad day, a hair floof, etc. Granted, Reader is more affectionate towards -and only kisses Gareth but Jeff has been their best friend for a while so they're not going to just leave him out now and Gareth won't either.

Reader has one shirt they borrowed from Jeff forever ago and they've been known to wear it beneath the flannel they steal from Gareth when reader and Gareth begin dating. This doesn't really dissuade the rumor/joke either.

#gareth emerson #gareth the great #gareth emerson imagine #gareth emerson headcanon #gareth x reader #-reader is only referred to as reader and non-gendered

[risingsouls]

[This post may get taken the wrong way, but, as a multi with mostly Saiyan muses (by accident rip me), I feel the need to clear the air of some potential misconceptions about my view and how I play these guys.

I'll put it under a cut (not for anything particularly problematic) but just for the sake of it.]

[I want to begin by saying that, if anything I have said recently or ever said gave off the impression that I'm "defending" or "supportive" of the Saiyans and their prior occupation of planet busting for the Colds or on their own, that was not my intention. It was a part of their lifestyle so, yes, it's going to come up here. I'm going to talk about how they interacted with that lifestyle and seemed to enjoy it among other facets that could be misconstrued. This is not me advocating for it. I think most people understand that this is never what I'm doing, but you know. Just in case.

That said, what I was recently trying to get across is that I am of the opinion that Saiyan culture/their lifestyle isn't A Single Thing re: wiping entire planets of their inhabitants. I get that, outside of Gine and random retcons tossed out in Legends or something, that's about all we really get in canon/canon-adjacent, but, as an rper and writer, I'm not going to let that narrow my perspective in portraying and building my characters into more than just murder-happy assholes as people seem to expect of me. Since the beginning of this blog, I've been trying to flesh out the Saiyans more, speak more to their OWN culture and explore how it was changed/suppressed under the influence of the Colds, and fill in the HUGE gaps canon has left us with. Plus, I do take issue with the idea that ALL Saiyans enjoyed this lifestyle, that all of them AGREED with it, and I don't want that to be the thing here either.

So, tl;dr: Saiyan culture/lifestyle will not be boxed in as One Singular Thing based on their planet-busting history here. I don't like that narrative, I think it's narrow-minded, and I simply feel it's unrealistic to say that this is all they were. Did it come to revolve around these things, especially (if not exclusively) after the Colds took over? Yes. Is it all a Saiyan is or should be portrayed as? In my opinion? No (but that also depends on the Saiyan, too).]

#.:ooc:. #sorry for my dumb shit #and idk if this needs to be said #but i guess my car recent troubles got me feeling a little bit in a #who cares anymore mood lol

[thatlittleegyptologist]

hey, (recent) animal heads anon here. somehow the "ask" button i clicked for your blog wasn't the one which said "check my faq" (it was just the envelope icon) & i forgot you had one, so i apologize. i know how annoying it is to have to repeat shit on your faq LOL. i wanted to pop in and drop this link which i found that explains the animal-head thing too and see what you think - i feel like it gave me a good understanding of this topic too & how nuanced it is. thanks :0]

ngl black on dark green was a challenge to read

The article is ok??? It certainly covers some things well, but I think relies too heavily on relating it to Christian imagery when really those should be kept separate because functionally they are very different (also the whole imposing Christian ideas of religion on an Ancient one has caused huge problems in identifying things in the past). It also makes some assumptions that are sort of right and then not at the same time; like Amun's name meaning secret because he is the invisible life giving wind. We think his name might mean 'hidden one', but because it's pre Old Kingdom grammar there are just some things that are lost to us. It's not to do with the wind, though, more to do with him having a secret name (which is sometimes crossed with Ra's story of the same and it all gets mixed up).

It calls Akhenaten a heretic. Ooof, don't do that sort of historical distortion, kids. He's not a Heretic, it's far more complicated than that. Calling him that just makes it sound 'cool', when in reality it was simply a natural progression from his father and grandfather also trending towards the Aten and away from Amun. High Priests of Amun didn't like that because they'd become very powerful, so as soon as he was gone they destroyed everything and got even more powerful. Was Akhenaten a good king, though? Nah

Stuff on animal worship is...misunderstanding the point a little. They don't literally worship cats/dogs/crocodiles/Ibises etc, that's a misnomer. They ritually farmed and sacrificed these animals to the god that looked like them. The Egyptians didn't think that the god's essence existed in these animals and therefore they couldn't eat them, they believed that the gods lived on the same Earth as them but in a separate plane of existence. That means that the dogs that hung around the Necropolis (who were often eating poorly buried dead) were Anubis protecting the dead, but it wouldn't stop them eating one. I've never seen anything in the Egyptian record about not eating certain animals because they're sacred; only not eating pork. The Egyptians didn't eat that much meat anyway because it was expensive.

Misconstrues 'Amun being the breath of life for creatures on earth' as 'gods love the animals', which I can see how that happened if you don't understand the cultural context for a text you're citing. Same with the Negative confessions citation immediately beneath it, and also the Stele of Huy. It's sort of right, but them wildly extrapolating intense meaning when there's just simple explanation.

Oh a mid grey font on dark green background. Cinema sins *ding*

'It’s worth remembering, though, that Ancient Egyptians were not animal loving hippies.' girl what

It talks about how the Egyptians would hunt and eat animals, and then how they'd also sacrifice them so they're not all 'animal and nature loving'. Then in the same breath it talks about 'but humans could be killed in warfare' and 'the boundary between human and animal life wasn't rigid' my 'brother' in what is clearly a very gay Old Kingdom tomb, what the fuck are you on about?

Somehow they're bringing this back to...gods could be anything they wanted to be, and I'm losing my mind. Get to the point, article, get to the point.

I take that back because their point is 'many people are having visions of gods right now and not all of these gods can be real and many are hallucinations and people who have medical conditions' that's frankly ableist and weird, but that's not how the Egyptians saw it. If I was marking this as an essay I would be so mad right now.

Doesn't know the giant serpent (which doesn't have a human head fyi) in the Shipwrecked Sailor is the Sun god Ra, despite trying to convince me the Egyptians saw their gods in many forms. Cinema sins *ding*

Finally gets to the point where the Egyptians viewed their gods as having both human and animal forms. Then starts talking about them as if they're mysterious *ding*

Final rating: Started off strong...went somewhere in the middle. 4/10

[clonehub]

How do you persevere with Star Wars? I've seen you post about the harassment you get. I've seen all the posts regarding Disney and Lucasfilm's issues with color--from the whitewashing to the colorblind casting to the harassment to the poor writing and vision. How do you continue to "enjoy" or engage with Star Wars? (/gen)

At this point the fans truly have ruined most of star wars for me--and the parts the fans didn't ruin, star wars writers w all their antics ruined it themselves. My fave childhood show (tcw) was ruined by racism in basically every season. And yeah I got racially/sexually harassed to hell and back, and stalked and had my blocks evaded and lied to/about. And I see how after like 7 years of there being a loud and aggressively racist portion of the star wars fandom, hardly anyone on the official star wars team is saying anything about it except to tack onto what Ingram herself said about being harassed--and I'm pretty sure that if she hadn't said anything, nobody would have. It's reactive, not preemptive.

It's why I hardly talk on here anymore. Did y'all know how much of the survey was filled with people who stalked my twitter and Tumblr yelling at me about something i posted? I have this paranoia that if I say the wrong thing, I'm going to get a mile long anon in my inbox or a DM or a call out or some kind of thinly disguised vague that completely misconstrues what I said, and I won't be able to defend myself. Idk how many of you follow my twitter, but people in that corner of the fandom can be so sensitive that they'll dogpile or start yelling at people for simply not liking the same thing they do. Beyond that, clonetwt is incredibly boring. I basically put up a front that makes me appear more patient w tbb and less critical of its many writing flaws, racism aside.

Wish I could say there's a Renaissance that'll bring me back the way the promise of s7 did, but not only is star wars mass producing very shitty or otherwise uninteresting projects rn, a lot of the story just....doesn't interest me. Idc about the EU or the OT or the ST. I've always been like this. Actually learning about writing and what makes a good story has really made me picky when it comes the stories I get into; a good idea doesn't equal good execution, and that's what like 99% of star wars is like lol

(it also doesn't help that I'm just picky in general: prequel era -> tcw -> clone troopers, specifically. I'm watching Kenobi out of boredom and minor curiosity)

the constant harassment that I and others faced, all the white people bearing down on me and my friends is what got one to leave the fandom and the other to delete entirely. Some are still here, idk how to reach out to and be friends w the newer people in the fandom (but I love your OCs mwah, and you all seem v cool), and some of the OG Milf brigade (long story) is still sticking around, but I can sense their protracted frustration with star wars as a whole and this fandom in particular. Star Wars fans are a genuinely unpleasant group of people. I only grudgingly describe myself as a fan and I've outright stated irl that I don't like star wars.

Which is a shame because it's the reason why I even wanted to be a writer and creator. But oh well.

#ask #yeah i started drifting for a while #tbb was the nail in the coffin #lack of new content + racism on all fronts #damn mobile really fucking me over by not letting me read the tags uve written

[heartofspells]

I've been on and off Tumblr all day throughout work. I've watched this all mount up higher and higher over the passing weeks and months. And I've (mostly) kept quiet. I go on Tumblr and am part of fandom for stress relief, for fun. It keeps me sane. It gives me a break from real life. But today, every time I've opened the app, it hasn't been fun. It hasn't been relief or a break for my sanity. And I am in a foul mood after another day in an increasingly endless string of days filled with more and more crap of my daily life, so now I'm saying something.

I don't like saying much about these sorts of things, because I've only seen bits and pieces. I don't have the full story on anything in fandom anymore because I've been gone too long and am only just now really rooting back into it fully. Opening your mouth and speaking up under those circumstances leads to bad things. It leads to misconstrued notions and ideas. It leads to more hate. That is not what I want. That shouldn't be what anyone wants. All this discourse has two takes, two imperfect sides of the same coin. And that likely means that somewhere in the mix, both parties are wrong to some extent, because that's just how these things work. It's how they always work and always have worked. No one is ever completely right about anything, not ever, and to think that you are makes you wrong. We're all imperfect. We all miss things, have rapid judgements that probably shouldn't happen. We all make mistakes. It's part of being human.

I've steadily come to realize in the passing weeks that I've got mutuals (budding little friendships) on both sides of this hate spiral circling around all our heads. People who have only ever been kind to me, have shown support when I've needed it, and I've tried to give it back wherever I possibly could. That's not going to stop for me, because I believe in kindness above all else. Until I see something blatant, I'll keep the friends I'm making so long as they keep me.

With that being said, that's why we're all here, isn't is? To make those connections, build those tethers, find common ground with people we would have never met otherwise? It's why I'm here. I just want to talk about things that I can't discuss like I want to in my real life. I want to meet new people, see new views I'd never have come to on my own about characters and places we all love for varied reasons.

Fandom should be fun. Full stop. But attacking people because of their personal opinions or views on characters is not fun. It's cruel and hateful. They're not hurting anyone. Fanfiction is not hurting anyone. It is fiction. These characters are not real. Tag what you write and move on. Read the tags before you dive into something and move on if you see something you don't like. Don't come after the person who wrote it, and do not single them out because of it. Where's the gain in that? There isn't any. If you have questions about something that was said, ask it in a polite way. Don't accuse as soon as you leave the gate. That only makes things worse in the long run. It amps everything to such high volumes no one can hear anyone else over the screaming.

Things get taken out of context all the time. We live in a world of text here. Sarcasm doesn't translate well. Not much does. So just ask. Give people a chance to defend themselves, and if you don't agree with what they have to say, never speak with them again. It's so simple that it hurts.

What's not simple and is infuriating is having a friend come to me saying they're upset and torn over speaking out or not doing so. Not because they have nothing to say, but because they're afraid of the backlash they'll receive from one side or the other if they do, even if what they say isn't specifically targeted and only their own personal opinions on what's happening. But then they also fear the backlash that may come from not speaking out. Why is that even a fear? It shouldn't be, and that makes me angry.

The rules of life are also simple - or should be - though they seem to miss a lot of people, so let's break it down in an easy-to-follow way:

Don't attack people for who they are. Race, gender, disabilities, sexual orientation, age, etc. Just because someone is different from you or what you think is a perfect worldview trapped in your head doesn't give you the right to lash out at someone for being different. Homophobic, transphobic, ageist, racist - it's all wrong. Stop it. Stop coming after people for who they are in the heart of themselves. They're not hurting anyone, least of all you, so leave it alone.

Don't attack people for their personal opinions on things that don't matter all that much. They don't like your favorite song? Oh well. Move on. Why is it affecting you so badly? Don't like their headcanons? Not your problem. They belong to that person. Chances are, they're not physically forcing them down your throat. Move along, please.

If you see someone not following these two basic rules of polite society listed above, speak out about it if you feel comfortable doing so. Call it the the person's attention. Maybe it's possible they didn't understand what they said? Maybe they'll apologize and alter how they speak in the future, because - as much as this shouldn't still be the case - some people honestly don't know what they're saying or thinking is actually filled with wrongness towards others. If they don't apologize, once again, move on. Cease all contact. You don't need that in your life, do you? And I promise you you'll not change their entire way of thinking by repeatedly coming down on them. I wish this fact was different, I really do. I wish everyone saw the world with these easy views on all life is sacred and precious and should be valued no matter what, but they don't. You probably won't be the one to change that, unfortunately. Remove the toxicity from your life.

That's all I'm going to say on the matter. Don't like what I've said? Unfollow me, cease all interaction. Again, it's that simple. You don't have to have me on your dash, don't have to see anything else from me. And maybe that'll suck for me a little, but I've got a wild, chaotic life outside of all this. I'll survive. But I'm also sitting here waiting for those anonymous messages of hate to begin pouring in, because that seems to be the way of things now.

This is was not meant for specific individuals. This covers the entire spectrum of fandom, every single book, show, film, etc that exists and holds some sort of following. Stop the hate. It's pointless and it wears you down. Do you want to spend the free points of your life like that? Because I don't.

[ofstoriesandstardust]

you most definitely do not need to answer this if you're not comfortable (or just don't want to), but i saw you say you had grown somewhat resentful of the same mistakes universe and i was curious as to why. i am not personally a writer, but i have a fair amount of friends who are and i have seen similar things happen to them with stories they had put tons of time and effort into, for a variety of different reasons. i know a lot of authors struggle with not getting much interaction on fics, and i can imagine putting something out there that you are proud of and spent a lot of time on and then not hearing anything can feel super disappointing, and also a bit like just chucking your stuff into a void??? i know some other friends of mine have stopped writing because the fandom itself sucked and they were getting weird pointless hate for no reason.

I am definitely sad you've ended/taken a long break from the series, because it's clear you put a ton of time, effort, and care into the same mistakes series, and you developed a character that was deeply nuanced and unique, but also youre doing it all for free and for fun (ideally) so you don't owe anyone anything. I'm for sure rambling at this point but basically i have loved reading the series and i hope somewhere down the line you can start writing again for fun and for yourself!

hey!! i am more than happy to talk about this and the only reason I haven't until now because I wasn't sure anyone really cared and I didn't want it to be misconstrued as whining or ungratefulness. this is probably more of an answer than you were looking for but here we go...

before i came into the top gun fandom, I was very used to chucking my things into the void, as you said. some of my umbrella academy stuff got attention, but aside from a few key mutuals, there wasn't a whole lot. and I was okay with it because I was writing for me and no one else.

and then the og same mistakes trilogy caused my blog to blow up and I was very overwhelmed with the extraordinary overnight attention everything was getting. i went from nothing to so much scrutiny I didn't know what to do. I've gotten to meet and talk to wonderful people because of it, but I've also been subject to some pretty awful hate because of it too. and it never stopped. it just kept getting worse. there was a lot of pressure to deliver consistently and constantly and I felt like no matter what I wrote, I was never appeasing someone. there was always someone who didn't like it and wasn't afraid to tell me so.

ultimately i became resentful because if i never wrote same mistakes, then my blog never would've blown up and i'd never have gotten so much hate. i'd still be writing for me and not judging everything i write before it gets out onto the page. i try to remind myself that i never would've met so many amazing people but that stopped being enough after a little while. when I saw others writing amazing things and get the responses they absolutely deserved while I was being tagged in specific posts for writing things that had overused tropes, I started to wonder what I was doing wrong that I couldn't seem to appease anyone. why it wasn't good enough.

i sort of thought that if i took a step back and focused on other projects, like storm warning and flight risk, things would figure themselves out and the hate would die down and I could come back to same mistakes-verse. uhm, things didn't calm down. the hate didn't stop, as people started taking shots at these other projects (specifically flight risk) and my lack of faith in my writing started extending into my academics.

i've always been pretty proud of my academic writing, and as a historian, it's all I have. but when everyone online is telling you it's shit, and has been telling you that since June, it's hard not to view that for all of your writing. i already feel insecure in my field because I'm still new and honestly this was the last thing I needed.

so i decided to take a step back from all creative writing because it stopped being fun and it stopped being for me and I started hating everything I wrote because I knew no one would like it anyways. i hope it starts being fun again because I miss it and I want to come back to Rebel and Sunshine and Cowgirl and Carolina and all the characters that I love deeply but I don't know when or if that will happen.

#kylie answers #i overshared WHOOPS #same mistakes

[smokingtiger]

About the Jikook “hickey”, I want you to please watch that video one more time. It wasn’t a hickey, it was a bite mark you could even see the teeth mark. Jimin even said that he was drunk and Jk lifted him, Jimin felt lightheaded and told Jk to put him down and Jk refused so Jimin decided to bite him. In the video you could even see that Jk wasn’t happy about the situation. Lets use our common sense here, would you give your lover a hickey and come to your job and brag about it. Even the camera man zoomed in on the mark. Bts are professional, the camera man wouldn’t zoom in if it was a “hickey”. People get hickeys and even cover them with scarfs because they don’t want to be noticed. There is a reason why we don’t here bts in any mess. There company is very professional and bts are professional people. Jimin was even apologizing in the that video.

... yeah? Hickeys are a type of trauma to the skin, formed through sucking and/or, you guessed it, biting.

You're right, hickeys can be formed in many ways, but people still refer to them as hickeys from time to time, even if it wasn't given by another person. Like CrossFit hickeys or Barbell hickeys, Namjoon wasn't lying, those things legitimately exist.

The post was made to be more jokey than anything else, I didn't really expect anyone to take it at face value, especially when I've spent the last day or so explaining how I don't necessarily subscribe or believe in any type of BTS ship.

So when Jimin bit him, even if by a drunken whim, he still gave him some type of accidental hickey.

What is it a love bite? Probably not. I mentioned that Jimin was drunk in it, and yes, I've watched that clip, I understand that he literally apologized for it and how giggly he was about the situation. It's apparent he's apologetic but he still finds the situation to be a bit ridiculous. I even mentioned Jin's reaction. I'm not sure what type of point you're trying to make here because homie, I know.

Basically, most of the things mentioned in that list are circumstantial or humorous events. Humorously suspicious. Like do I truly think the dumpling incident is some long and drawn-out lover's quarrel? No. Do I think Jimin offering to suck the spice off Taehyung's food means they're shoving each other's tongues down their throat? No.

Just a fun little post. Wasn't meaning to misconstrue anything.

#ask

[angryaromantics]

(Amatonormativity anon again) Thank you for your quick response! I can see your point for sure. If anything, it's at the very least clumsy wording, which I get happens on this site all the time, because it's not like we're all considering every direction from which a post can be interpreted. I just get pretty sensitive about the way that some parts of the aromantic community tend to claim that /any/ kind of significant relationship is supported and upheld by amatonormativity when that is... extremely not the case. It really felt like a twisting of the definition of the word, which is explicitly and directly about the centering and prioritizing of /romantic/ partnerships, to the exclusion and shitting on all other types of relationship, including nonromantic partnerships, in a way that I find - as an arospec person in a qpr - incredibly harmful and disingenuous. Amatonormativity harms my relationship in every way possible, and it really hurts to see significant parts of my community claiming the opposite on a regular basis... Like I get that entirely nonpartnering people are harmed by alloro + amatonormative society but so are we (me + my partner, others in nonromantic relationships of any kind). I know it's probably not meant like that, but posts like that sometimes feel like an attempt to set up a hierarchy within the community of who the ones who are the 'most marginalized' are and who the 'most aro' are, or something, and there's no way an aromantic person who does have nonromantic partners is like. Privileged? Over one who doesn't, if that makes sense. And it's scary and painful to see people in my own community talking like they are, because it assumes /any/ aro has support or societal validation that we just don't have. Sorry for the huge rant ahhh, it's just something that's been bubbling up for me a lot and I really appreciate your perspective on things.

I get that. It's easy to get sensitive about specific things if they're always the things being picked apart. I would hope any aspec people would understand that as well.

I agree that it's twisting of the definition, even if I don't think that was OP's intention. I Try to give aro people the benefit of the doubt unless it's abundantly clear that I can't. Amatanormativity just gets thrown around a lot in the aro community if its even tangentially related because it's a hot button word for us, but in this case, it's not helpful, and as you've demonstrated, can even be harmful.

I think the only way you could even sort of claim queerplatonic relationships as having any sort of Privilege over non-partnering aros would be if they're being misinterpreted as a Romantic Couple. BUT, as I've said before, your identity being erased and your relationship misconstrued isn't a privilege, but another axis of arophobia. I've been in a queerplatonic relationship before, and others misconstruing said relationship was physically nauseating for me. That doesn't feel like any sort of benefit. Like, maybe the axis in which a nonpartnering and a partnering aro face aphobia can be a little different, but they're coming from the same place, and they're equally as harmful.

There does seem to be a lot of like, who is the most oppressed, competitions in both the queer community at large, and in the aromantic community particularly here. I think a lot of it comes down to 1. overcorrecting with the groups we've previously left out in the cold i.e. heartless and aplatonic people especially, and 2. experiences within our community being so varied that it's Hard to acknowledge everyone and make sure everyone's needs are being met, and 3. Overcompensating with the whole not being accepted into queer spaces thing so almost wanting to prove you belong in the queer community because you're time is Harder than others. None of it is right, but it does Happen.

I'm sorry you're having issues within the community. It's not fair that you have to face arophobia from alloro people and then not even feel welcomed in your own community. It should be a safe place for every arospec identity, but I think we're just gonna have to work at it and find a nice little middle ground.

#asks #aphobia #also like Do call me out if you think i said or reblogged something shitty #i am but one person with a limited pov so sometimes i'm wrong and i don't know it #so thank you anon for your pov #also don't Apologize for the rant i think it's important that we talk about things and that people have a space for that!!

[will80sbyers]

As much as I find Henry’s character interesting and understand the trauma he went through he is still a grown man and still accountable for his own actions. I know there are accounts on here that have dissected the show to such a degree that’s it’s feeding into their own delusions.

I don't really like his character in general I feel like he's not exactly super well written in the show for now, he is a bit stereotypical for some things even if it makes sense with the story, but I don't care if people want to analyze the show even dissecting frame by frame and invent a whole new show from it or have new and different interpretations, I think that's ok in fandom spaces, the art that gets put out becomes also of the people that consume it once it's out and they have that right like everyone else, I just wish people stopped accusing others of random ass stuff if they don't agree with their versions of events ✨

( Plus using a post about my own abuse experience to send attacks on anon is very cowardly and not really "caring about mental health" of them but I know it's all a pretence for them, it's all spectacle, they don't really show they care about people in my opinion )

My words have been misconstrued multiple times even when I keep explaining myself again and again, I've been told I should apologize even if I don't think I've said anything for which I should apologize ( I will never give a fake apology 🤷) and I've been called ableist because I don't want to forgive a character because in their interpretation "he's just autistic" when I have said I personally see it differently + I think he has his free will at the moment in the show and he's working hand in hand with the Shadow so he's making his own choices as an adult... But also even if he was "just autistic" that wouldn't excuse his actions if he's conscious of what he's doing... so that's like a super weird argument to me, autistic people are normal people they can do bad things too like everybody

Plus I don't agree with all the other theories, so when I speak of stranger things I'm basing myself on canon not the theory of someone else that could end up being real or not... if I don't agree it means we have two different perspectives on his character, the fact that they believe one thing doesn't mean it's the canon yet and we have multiple elements from the show that points on him having made his own choices after deciding to kill his family

And again having a personality disorder or trauma doesn't excuse what you do to others it just explains why you're in that situation because you're experiencing symptoms of it

you can have empathy for the child if you want, but I think it's kinda pointless to expect a redemption arc because he's written down at this point like he was basically destined to end up there if you also add the Shadow to the mix... The play basically just means the duffers have decided this kid was destined to be a serial killer because of this shadow he had inside of him since he's super small

and still I'm not the one saying he's not human for it, I'm simply saying he is a serial killer, all the serial killers are humans too and have trauma too and bad childhoods but they still need to be stopped from hurting people

#ask #I'll keep this out of the tags bc I'm tired

[legendaryinternetpersona]

Tfw you realize you've become a lurker on Facebook, which may be a symptom of a larger problem. You've *almost* interacted way more times than you actually have online. Stopping yourself midcomment (about 80% of the time) or hoping no one saw the one you just deleted, because you're not even a little bit confident in the ability of others to understand you anymore, nor in your own ability to clearly and effectively communicate.

Tfw, pretty much all your status updates are ranty and obscure. So many wordy bids for connection tossed into the sea of "friends" like hooks on lines, subjected to the tides of the algorithm. And you wonder to yourself what *this* looks like, from the outside. You've gone so far into the navel gazing you have no idea anymore what 'regular people' think. Or if they do.

Tfw you've noticed you're not actively thinking as much as you would prefer, now that you're paying attention to such things, and you're looking around wondering if these other people are thinking more or less than you are now. But you can't tell anymore. You're unsure you ever knew how to, for real.

Tfw no one really taught you anything of worth, growing up, and you've been doing your best, this whole time. Being shamed for not knowing things others assume is automatic, knowledge they gained so young they forgot learning it.

((Some people get annoyed with me when i ask what they consider stupid questions about things they don't even think about. Things they never thought about to question. People get very angry at me when i tell them how their behavior looks from the outside, to me. "This is how that (behavior) is coming across to me..." is a sentance i use on the regular in relationship. And it makes zero sense to me to be angry about honest, loving feedback, so i question that too in relationship.))

I want to *GROW* as a person. I *WANT* to be *BETTER*, than my parents, than everyone else I know and am around at present. And that's not in a 'looking down my nose' better type of way. No, in a 'doing the right thing, the vast majority of the time', 'perpetually growing and evolving into a better and better version of myself', 'maxed out on all my stats', 'the peace of God ever present in my breast' type way. And I don't have anyone close to me that i can model this after, hence the word 'better'.

Everyone around me is deeply disregulated and making poor choices in diet, lifestyle, and mindset, myself included. And i want to do better, in all these areas. And it's really tricky when you have so little time spent in social groups, for a lack of ability to handle the bullies gracefully and without tears, and you end up a grown up who doesn't have any idea what you're doing the vast majority of the time in social interactions, so you almost invariably overshare or overstep some weird ego thing i had no way of anticipating, which leads to tears and hurt feelings on the part of others.

Light bulb moment: i have clumsily stumbled into being the bitch who doesn't hear what's said to her, by anyone. After decades of girding myself against verbal assaults and my own internal identification with other's definitions of me. My own definitions being traditionally talked or shouted over, in my experience, throughout this incarnation. I've built a wall that is hard to hear and connect through, to protect myself from scary people, but i keep taking my wall down too soon and for the wrong people. And for someone who loves and adores people as much as i do, that's a terrible place to be.

One should keep in mind 'better' is a subjective term and based very often on emotions and opinions and not facts and therefore, unless it's causing active harmful discrimination the use of the term should not be considered a slight to those excluded from the category of 'better'. At least not here.

See? I'm so scared people will misunderstand and misconstrue and think I'm a wretched awful person that i over explain myself and then, in person, because my voice gets frantic as i watch their faces change, people think I'm lying but I'm really just begging literally anyone to see me for the fully formed, good, decent, well-meaning, wholesome, curious being that i am, but.... but.

(I reread this, added some more, have grown weary of the endeavor and am now posting. Today is my mother's 75th birthday and my dad had teeth pulled yesterday so he didn't bake the cupcakes, and i refuse to bake in his kitchen because it's a 3 day job of cleaning to get it to servicable and i *do not have time*, but he can stand the mess in there so I'd asked him to bake the cupcakes, and he didn't tell me about the dentist until he was there in the lobby. And i feel like an asshole for not cleaning and baking myself, but dude, the dumpster is gone. Already. Disappeared yesterday. And we weren't anywhere close to done. And that kitchen is *terrible*. 4 bags of trash in the floor terrible. Daddy had told me it'd be here as long as we wanted. He'd apparently scheduled it for a week. He didn't say anything. Idk if he remembers. If this was on purpose. If he's laughing at my failings behind my back. I have no idea. I feel i can't trust anyone to be decent anymore. Not even my own father. And that's *sad*. I weep for the little girl who idolized him, and for all the ways I've emulated him, with mannerisms i learned before i knew i was being taught anything at all. Smh.

I want to be better. I have to be better. Better than who and what i am now, better than what i came from. I do not like any of the possible permutations of my future that involve staying the present course, business as usual. None of them are acceptable ends to my story. There are certain story arcs i need to see through as far as i can. But I'm not taking good care of myself.

Why is that always the starting point? I discover a slide, notice a downward shift, and it's almost always 'did you eat?' 'Have you showered?' And invariably: no. I'm in my head. I'm thinking about stuff. I forgot. I'll go do it now.

It's my mom's birthday. She's 75. And I'll be delivering no cupcakes. Because i couldn't bring myself to clean my father's roach infested kitchen that hasn't been cleaned right in close to 30yrs and probably wouldn't survive the procedure. 🤦‍♀️

I'll buy her a cupcake. And flowers. She's worthy of celebrating, dammit. She's worth a party. She never thought she was, but she always has been worth celebrating. Just for being a human being.

[shadesinblue]

One of the more annoying parts of being 27 is no matter how well-intentioned you might be, you have to be prepared for others to interpret your actions- or misinterpret I should say- into anything.

Perspective is everything but it can also be absolutely anything which again, makes everything so complicated. When in reality, the motives or reasonings behind it can be so simple.

I struggle with being the villain in someone's story so much because I place so much thought into how I'm perceived-

There's some scenarios that don't bother me as much but there are some that take a lot of time to work through until I've reached a point of acceptance.

With KJJ, it was a matter of embracing that some people in this life- for better or worse- will always find a way to misconstrue your intentions and quite frankly, be annoyed by your way of pushing certain buttons and getting under their skin. And that's okay (I can say this years later with ease now). What others find endearing, some find revolving. And so on, goes the circle of life.

With EMMR, I've channeled the loss into reframing that I hadn't lost anything that was actually contributing growth or value to my life but rather just drifting from unproductive connections.

Now, we are at another fork in the road and about to close another chapter. Once again, ready to be branded with the letter V again and I have to find some way to be okay with it. I think I struggle with being misunderstood a lot and it comes from a place of just wanting to be seen, for what I'm really thinking and feeling.

I feel a lot of empathy for this, especially this time around- but once I've said all the words I can, I have to just accept I did what I could. After all, if I go out of my way with some kind of declaration to make amends that's later misinterpreted for wanting to reconcile then that would be much worse.

Regardless, the feeling is still shitty and it's not necessarily about confrontation it's about people projecting how THEY feel UNTO YOU about the situation.

There has to be a boundary between people dumping their emotions on you, right? There has to be a point of sharing too much, right?

It's moments like these that turn me off from connecting with people so heavily because the weight of all these emotions (from all sources) are a lot. Looking forward for time to do it's thing, I'd like nothing more than for distance.

Metaphorically speaking, I'm not all here mentally as of right now.

#moi #Feb 2023

[astral-actias]

Really for real the last word I have on this.

This has been a misunderstanding the entire time. I thought I could clear it up but then it was assumed that I must have been willfully and knowingly block evading. Not everyone lends the same weight to blocking on social media. That's just facts. I don't lend it much weight at all and regularly forget that others do. But I did stop trying when it was actually made clear to me that this was a 'Don't Contact Me At All' and not an 'I Don't Wanna Look At Your Blog Right Now.' That's fine and I'm sorry I didn't immediately realize that it was meant to be that in the first place. I am in fact only talking about Page at all at this point because I came up by name on his blog and I don't appreciate that. If we're mutually blocked and out of each other's hair for good, he shouldn't keep bringing me up. Whatever the case, I actually do respect the hell out of boundaries, but I have to actually know what they are to do that and swearing up a storm at me in some tags is not a very clear indication to me.

Page was removed from a single Discord, Mythcord, because the rules are very clear that you can't block moderators, which I am one. I obviously couldn't explain that, because I was blocked, which is why that's a rule to begin with. I am not "on the warpath," I have no idea what else he might be a member of, and I don't care. It's none of my business anyway and I have no will to mess with someone else's social life. That is a scummy thing to do and I'm genuinely taken aback that there's even an assumption that I'd do it. I should probably have handed it differently by asking a different moderator to reach out to them and let him know what was going to happen ahead of time, which I'll fully admit, but there also are only two others, one of whom is fairly busy, and the other is on the other side of the planet. Having expressed that he very much did not want me around him in any way, shape, or form, I did not think it would be an issue to take the obvious step to not be in his presence.

I did not understand Page's stance from the beginning, I said too many words to someone who isn't used to my style of thinking out loud and annoyed him, which I regret doing, and then idealistically I thought that I could clarify that I'd been mistaken, we actually agreed on what was being discussed, and I just hadn't realized that. On a re-read with the benefit of hindsight I can see where the tone I had in mind and the tone that could be read into what I was saying didn't match at all and came across poorly, for which I apologize. I don't have a problem with anything but the treatment I've received after the fact, and am evidently still receiving. "If you have a problem with this like Nevi..." I don't, though. I haven't put words in his mouth and I'd appreciate if he did not put them in mine.

Seriously. Let it go, this isn't worth the blood pressure and now my stance is the one being misconstrued. I'm sorry I came across badly and didn't pick up what he was putting down a whole lot faster. But now that I've chilled out I'm also not interested in maintaining a feud over it and the adult thing to do here, which I'd really like to do, would be to just leave it where it lies and agree that we don't get along and should not talk to or about each other, which is fine with me.

And whoever it was with the vague and ominous reblog for later information thing, I really have no idea what you're doing or why or for whom, but please don't be doing it, whatever it is.

If you're trying to build a case against me, here, I'll willingly help you, because this is simply public factual information about me and I don't mind people being aware of it: I have no patience for perceived gatekeeping, and can sometimes see it where it isn't, which is my own failing and I realize that. I have exactly the amount of emotional impulse control you would expect from someone with adult ADHD and autism. I jump the gun sometimes, especially if I'm already running hot about something. I am hotheaded and so this happens more often than I'd like. I read too fast and miss things, and sometimes struggle to keep up with conversations. I do try to manage myself and learn from mistakes but I'm hardly perfect. I don't generally delete posts even if I'm in the wrong, because it's feel it's less important to hide mistakes than it is to learn from them, so there's no reason to go through my blog attempting to catalogue anything I've said in case it disappears. I won't deny things I've done or said if asked, even if I don't currently agree with them. Unfortunately that's all you'll get from me. I'm not very interesting.

In the less likely case that you're building a case against Page: don't. I don't want that. I'm not that kind of person; I'm a grown-ass man and I'm over it. Please also be over it, because whoever you are, you aren't involved and it's not your business to keep track of.

That's the entirety of it. I do not have anything more to say on the matter and I am 100% moving on from it and hoping that Page will extend the same courtesy to me.