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#i remember doing everything on my own the first 6/9 months post op
theangrycomet · 3 years
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Comparing KO’s (OK KO) Character Arc to Cassandra’s (TTS)
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Ok THIS^ actually bothers me and I really hope it’s a shit-post. Sorry, @astratic, but you have inadvertently signed up for some Character Analysis.
Let’s establish one critical difference between Cassandra and KO before we really dig into this shall we?
Cassandra is a fully developed, fully functional adult roughly in her early to mid twenties.
KO is a CHILD, who’s age is literally 6-11, though fans typically agree that he acts in the 8-9 range. Additionally, he is commonly head cannoned to be on the Autistic Scale and/or ADHD.
Because of this, their decisions and actions need to be seen through different lenses.
Point 1: work tirelessly to become a hero like [parent] who you idolize
KO:
This statement perfectly depicts KO’s goals. KO strives to be a hero in order to help people to the best of his abilities. He hates being useless and powerless to help his friends, so he trains to be a better hero and works through his struggles with their help. He lives to be like his mommy and his father-figure. I mean, look at him when Gar praises KO and tells him how proud he is of him.
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Cassandra:
Cassandra’s goals are different. She wants to be a guard at the end of the day for glory. She wants people to see and acknowledge her abilities and strength and admire her for it.
Yes, making her dad proud is a benefit of that, but that is NOT her driving motivation.
Point 2: Become discourage by lack of progress and hindrance by social status
KO:
Social status was NEVER KO’s problem. His stalling in progress, as I mentioned in another post, was a mental block. He couldn’t tap into his power He came from lower middle, working class family with a single mom.
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Cassandra:
Social Status was her problem, but only up until the 1st season finale where she was placed as Captain of the Guard.
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She had regular progress in getting more time and respect as a royal guard. The fact that She CHOSE to leave that behind in order to follow her crush on some half-baked, unplanned road trip is only the fault of her own. She threw out the chance she had been waiting for for her entire life to follow Rapunzel.
And than was given numerous opportunities through out the trip to leave and pursue other goals. 
Point 3. Be Mentally Ill
Okay, first OP, you could phrased that WAY better. 
Secondly, the mental struggles our characters face are completely different and largely incomparable so to group the two is insulting to both characters.
KO: 
Disassociative Identity Disorder (or multiple personality disorder) 
Possible Undiagnosed Autism and or ADHD
KO develops Disassociative Identity Disorder, due to his frustration at lack of progress, the manipulation of Shadowy figure, and his bottling up of negative emotions. KO is mostly unaware of what happens when TKO is in charge and vice-versa. It took the two a long time to figure out how to work together and eventually merge back into one personality. 
He also demonstrates some traits typically associated with Autism and ADHD, though some of those could be on account of his age. It is a common head cannon amongst fans that his either and sometimes both. 
Cassandra:
Cassandra doesn’t have to deal with any mental illness until the season 3 finale where it can be gleamed that she’s working through depression if you squint at it. 
Yes, there is the Blueberry Ghost, but she was never a result of Cass’ mental state so much as her being host to the Moon Stone. 
Her struggles lie in reigning in her anger and her pride so that she can see problems from unbiased perspectives and apologize for her actions. And that is left still unresolved by the time the finale comes around. 
Point 4. find out long lost parent is actually horrifically villainous and have a whole crisis about it.
Perhaps, we need a little reminder here before I dig into this one:
KO is a child figuring himself out and Cassandra is an adult figuring out what she wants in life.
KO:
KO had been struggling with his darker side for quite some time before he asked his Mom about who exactly his dad was. 
This was something the show had demonstrated time after time that bothered KO, not knowing who his dad was.
So he finds out his dad was this big time hero, and gets reassurance from that fact that he comes from great heroes, so he too can be a hero. Only for that to be immediately tossed out the window when it’s revealed that the only person he hates in the entire world, the person he dubs as the truly evil villain, is actually his father. 
His whole world is not only shook to its core, but his self-confidence as well. Laserblast was a great hero who turned villain; what does that mean for a hero-in-training whose already struggling with that darker side. 
Praise Carol for not killing PV on the spot. 
Additionally, PV didn’t actually know KO even existed until a few months before this incident, and wasn’t even sure if KO was his kid (KO does coincidentally share a lot of Physical attributes to Gar) until KO came busting in, wearing Laserblast’s helmet and bragging about how his dad was a great hero.
So when they attempted to have that father-son relationship, it was as awkward and strained as it should have been. (I’ll get to the OK KO Finale in just a minute)
Cassandra:
Cass could have cared less as to whom her real parents were. She had her dad. She had her goals. She had her job. Who her parents were and why they dumped her on the Captain was irrelevant to her life. 
She didn’t care until Season 3, and that whole season was OOC for everybody, 
Even then, it wasn’t so much as a crisis so much as an excuse to use to fight Rapunzel. It didn’t matter that Gothel was her mother, it mattered that Gothel picked the Sundrop over her. Which in all honesty was the best thing that could have happened to Cass.
Her “crisis” revolved around a dead woman’s shattered legacy more than her mother. 
Point 5: Fall under the influence of said Villainous parental figure
KO TKO: (again, a CHILD)
TKO was used and manipulated into letting his darker side show by Professor Venomous/ Shadowy Figure, (this is my opinion), in order to actually have something they could relate to eachother on. 
Yes, Shadowy Venomous saw TKO as more of his tool for power, but you can’t deny that he wasn’t motivated to have his son by his side. 
Additionally, KO had at this point literally locked away a part of himself because he didn’t have the tools to deal TKO with this mentally or emotionally. So he responded the best way he could and pushed the problem down so he and others wouldn’t have to keep cleaning up TKO’s messes.  
KO was in desperate need for someone to understand how he was and how to help him.
And guess who was there.
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Cassandra: (again, an ADULT)
Cass was never led on by Gothel, she was led on by Zhan Tiri.
Cass was delusioned that the moonstone was hers by Zhan Tiri just as much as Rapunzel was delusioned into thinking stopping the moonstone was her destiny by Demanitus. 
However, Zhan Tiri really didn’t make Cass do anything, she never pushed her past the breaking point, she never forced her to do anything. 
Baked Ziti only prompted Cass, reminding her what she was angry at. 
Cass was perfectly capable of ignoring her and doing her own thing. 
Point 6: suddenly and dramatically betray everyone you love even as they plead with you to stop. Become convinced they all hate you except for [villainous parental figure] who is actually just manipulating you to gain power.
This point is actually a very good description of what happened to both, given different contexts. Again, remember that KO is a child who is significantly more easily influenced than Cass should have been.
(Note: again, Zhan Tiri’s not her Parental figure and neither was Gothel)
Point 7: ruin everything and destroy your home
KO TKO:
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His destructive rampage was motivated by the betrayal of the one person he believed to understand and support him entirely. He was literally grabbed by the shirt, lifted in the air, told he was nothing more than a tool at best, and that the plan to conquest together had been a lie. 
Wonder where I’ve seen THAT BEFORE?
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(Sorry about the low photo Quality, I quickly search and screen shotted so)
(yes it’s this scene that made me think Mad Ben and TKO would get along)
Cassandra:
Which betrayal are we talking about? Because both involve trained guards rightfully attacking Cass for injuring the crown royalty and wrecking the castle.
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Point 8/9: snap out of it at the last second and be horrified at what you've wrought/ the world is fixed by an incredible magic. Reconcile with your loved ones. Flourish
KO: 
This is accurate. 
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But KO didn’t have to lose his power to see how bad he messed up. He was actually at the top of his game. He probably could have taken out the President of the Universe if he really wanted to. Instead he begged for everything to get fixed, and wished that EVERYONE (even Professor Venomous) could live their best lives. 
Cassandra:
She was only repentent AFTER she lost her power. Even then, she does not apologize for her actions but rather the circumstances and ONLY to Rapunzel herself. She does not care that she caused a world catastrophe, and still wouldn’t have had she won. 
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With how it was executed, Cass did NOT deserve such an easy redemption. She should have had to work at it. She should have at least attempted to apologize to the people whose lives she ruined. To the people she’s hurt. Not just Rapunzel. Rapunzel has no right to forgive her in place of everyone else. 
Eugene should not have to forgive her.
Varian should not have to forgive her.
The Brotherhood honestly deserves to fight her in combat. 
She should not have been able to ride off into the sunset and avoid the consequences of her actions. 
BUT I digress. 
IN SUMMARY:
KO and Cass, while they share some similarities, do NOT have the same Character Arc. At all.
Sincerely, 
TheAngryComet
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poes-and-things · 3 years
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So after seeing a screen cap of Katniss and Peeta doing recon on the other tributes in Catching Fire with the caption “power couple”, I watched both Hunger Games and Catching Fire last night.
My opinions have changed a lot about this series over the years.  Probably due to the fact that I only read the books once.  To put in perspective: the first book was really good.  I absolutely loved it.  The concept was dark and interesting and 11 year old me was enthralled.  I remember reading Catching Fire in a day.  I didn’t leave my room that Sunday.  My parents thought I died.  The only other book I did that with that year was Life As We Know It (another apocalyptic book series that I highly recommend).  I hated the last book.
When the movies came out, my best friend dragged me to see them.  After reading Mockingjay, I wasn’t really excited to see any of those books on the big screen.  But I went and had mixed feelings.
Years later, I’ve rewatched them a couple times and I think back in April of 2020 I finally watched the 2nd part of Mockingjay.  Again, I have a lot of thoughts about this series, both in the books and on the big screen.  Here are the ones from last night.
First of all, Liam Hemsworth is a carbon copy of Chris Hemsworth and that’s really starting to bother me.  If I were to close my eyes, I wouldn’t be able to tell you who is who based solely on the sound of their voice.  It’s laughable to me that the MCU casting directors ditched one brother for literally a carbon copy; they do realize what they did, right?  Anyway, I think the only reason I liked Gale in the films when they first came out 9 years ago (how fucking old am I) was because I was obsessed with Chris Hemsworth, as every 14 year old straight white girl was.  Honestly, I think they could’ve cast someone better in that role.
Second.  In the books, I got real fucking frustrated with this Peeta vs Gale attention.  I remember reading Catching Fire and thinking “I don’t fucking CARE just fix the damn government”--this was something that was solved in the films.  During Catching Fire, we watch as the boys realize it’s not about romance because the world they live in doesn’t really allow them to have that, but it’s more about who gives you the strength to keep going.  And Peeta is that for Katniss, never Gale.
I love the twist that Suzanne Collins did with this relationship dynamic, making Peeta fucking useless and adorable while Katniss is a dangerous, sarcastic, snippy asshole.  I can’t stop laughing at how much Peeta reminds me of Marie from Aristocats constantly needing to be saved by others.  At least in Catching Fire.
In Hunger Games, the forced romance between Katniss and Peeta is incredibly uncomfortable.  JLaw did an amazing job making it come off as a cognizant and intentional choice to “fall in love with Peeta” versus something that Katniss actually felt.  This was something I didn’t pick up on at the movie theater when I was 14/15 years old.  Which makes the relationship she and Peeta build together in Catching Fire that much more pure and unique because that no longer was a cognizant choice for survival, it was a necessary choice.  And it happens when the “survival” definition changes as well--we go from physical survival in an arena of death to an emotional survival of tackling PTSD demons and threats from powerful regimes.
Sam Clafflin brought so much life to Finnick O’Dair that I actually cared about this character.  In the books, he was just a blip on my radar until the moment when he broadcasted Capitol secrets during the sting op to rescue Peeta.  But in the films, I would die for Finnick.  He deserved so much better.  So did Annie.
The costume and makeup department doesn’t get enough credit.  JLaw and Hutchinson literally look like children in the first movie.  It’s insane what makeup, lighting, and the right outfit can do to visibly change age perception.  I do think that the change in the second film is a little too much too quick, though.  It’s only meant to be like 6 months to a year after the first film.  In my experience, most kids don’t look 23 after a year of puberty.  It takes at least two or three years to get to that age point.
What else?  I feel like there was something else...
Oh.  Negotiation tactics.  Be like Katniss Everdeen.  Know what things you HAVE to have in life and fight like hell to get them.  In movie/book one, it was protect the sister and survive.  Accomplished, check.  In movie/book two, it was protect and save Peeta.  Only agree to things if it keeps Peeta alive.  All of her decisions are about and for him.  Granted, it didn’t fully work out in her favor, but she got everyone to drop everything in the next book/movie to rectify the situation.  A plus to Katniss Everdeen for sticking to her guns.  And she’s only 16 or 17 years old in these books.  If she can do it, you can do it.
Anyway.  This was a long post.  I might watch the other two films tonight.  Who knows.  Sometimes you just want to watch anxious teens murder each other for sport.  Especially when you don’t want to face your own emotions.
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Re: https://dramarising-replacement.tumblr.com/post/617916922335543296/so-ive-had-a-subspecies-since-september-i-noticed
TL;DR: Things are fishier than they seem, and M might actually be more of a thief than SB. At the very least, M 100% falsely accused SB of theft; at the worst, M stole SB’s idea and went on an editing spree to cover their tracks.
I don't have a tumblr so usually commenting on posts here is more trouble than it's worth, but I just have to on this one for some reason. Maybe it's because I think the entire concept of “subspecies” is stupid, maybe it's because thanks to a namedrop I could easily dig everything up... but from what I found the drama OP (M) definitely seems shady. Brace yourselves, my salty friends, for an unnecessarily long deep-dive into stupid drama (because what else are you going to spend quarantine doing?).
First, let's take a look at the timeline.
According to the original post date, the drama OP (M) created their subspecies in Dragon Share on September 13 2019. The thread has moderate activity levels up (~2 week post gaps max) until December 13 2019, when it apparently dies (barring any ghost bumping of course). The next post on the thread is made May 11 2020, when M suddenly becomes active again. M also created a new subspecies thread in Dragon Share on May 9 2020 at 13:05 FR (exact times will become relevant later on); it seems the posts were filled in with edits made within the next couple days, as is standard. Also of note is the fact that many of M’s posts in their original thread have edits made May 9 2020 from 10:39-13:27 FR (this will be key); additionally, a majority of these edits are made on posts that contain the guidelines for the subspecies- not sales, affiliates, pinglists, etc. that would require any sort of update.
The “accused” in this case (SB) created their hatchery thread in Dragons For Sale on December 24 2019. Aside from sales/affiliate posts, no edits to the main hatchery posts were made since December 29 2019 (likely filling in from a structure laid out 5 days prior), except for on March 19 2020, when it looks like they might have converted how they list dragons for sale to be linked to a tab instead of posted/adjusted g:t ratio. In any case, I believe these particular edits do not really play a big role on the overall timeline and drama, same as M's edits on their new thread. For a user that describes themselves as “barely active”, they do a decent job at bumping posts, with ~1 week between bumps except for 2 spans of ~1 month: from Feb-Mar, and after a short bout of bumping, from Mar-Apr.
The drama begins when M makes their post on SB’s hatchery thread May 09 2020 at 10:10 FR, which is edited less than a minute later (maybe a typo correction?). So here’s the timeline all pieced together:
September 13, 2019 – M creates the subspecies
December 13, 2019 – M seemingly goes inactive on their thread
December 24, 2019 – SB creates their hatchery thread
peace, until…
May 09, 2020 @10:10 – M accuses SB of “stealing” their idea on SB’s hatchery thread
May 09, 2020 @10:39 – M edits their subspecies requirement post
May 09, 2020 @13:05 – M creates a new subspecies thread
May 09, 2020 @13:14 – M edits their old subspecies main post
May 09, 2020 @13:21 – M edits a post about ‘Queen’ variant(?) requirements on their old thread (Important)
May 09, 2020 @13:27 – M edits a post showing examples of ‘Queen’ variants on their old thread (Important)
~BONUS~ May 12, 2020 – people start defending M on SB’s hatchery thread. The posts weren’t exactly the nicest, so who knows if they’ll still be around by the time this gets out of the queue
Ok, I know what you’re all thinking- what does all this mean? How is this shady?? For that, we will have to dive a bit more into the content of the posts to put some context to that timeline; but first, let’s take a look at the threads and see if the theft accusation is accurate.
M’s old subspecies thread:
Messy layout/design. Links are left as ugly long URLs, but most importantly… there is no consistency on what the subspecies design is! In the main post, no colors are listed, but the genes are specified to be Slime/Lionfish, Sludge/Bee, and Capsule. In their next post on the subspecies requirements, genes are listed as Slime, Sludge/Bee, Capsule- no Lionfish to be found! Color specifications are kept vague, with only a Honey tert required, though they do also lay out 4 specific named variations using Amber/Amber, Amber/Gold, Lemon/Gold, and Lemon/Lemon. The post with the ‘Queen’ requirements lists genes of Slime/Hex/Capsule, with no colors specified except for the same 4 variants made earlier.
M’s new subspecies thread:
Still a work in progress, but looks to be pretty much identical to the previous thread; the only main change is that banner is replaced with an original (credited!!) logo (good job on that, M). The main post specifies genes of Slime, Sludge/Bee, and Capsule. The color rule examples post contain the subspecies and the ‘Queen’ variant (Slime/Hex/Capsule), and include some additional variants as well- ‘Crystallized’ (Bee sec), ‘Wasp’ (Lionfish prim), Pollenators[sic] (Glimmer tert), and ‘Hornets’ (Pinstripe/Sludge/Glimmer).
So if you’ve been paying attention, M’s ~super special unique subspecies~ has color requirements of “anything honey-like” (while also having 4 specific color combinations) and a combination of random genes in addition to the “official” genes thanks to the addition of “variants” that have nothing to do with the original Slime/Sludge/Capsule premise. The only consistency seems to be Honey tert.
SB’s hatchery thread:
Aside from some hard-to-read colors used, has nice formatting. Lists 6 pairs, which are strictly either Amber/Amber or Grapefruit/Grapefruit, with a small range of matching terts for each pair (not necessarily encompassing Honey). 5 pairs give primarily Slime/Hex (+small gem gene chance), and 1 is Slime/Sludge. As far as terts go, 2 have terts weighted towards Capsule, 1 is Capsule/Runes, 1 is Opal/Glimmer, and 1 is Glimmer. So primarily Slime/Hex/assorted, in an xxy Amber/Grapefruit+assorted.
So to put that all together:
M’s claim of subspecies “theft” would really ONLY pertain to their ‘Queen’ variant, not their main subspecies (only 1 of SB’s pairs has a 50% chance at making M’s subspecies). In addition, the range built into SB’s pairs violate the only seemingly consistent rule of M’s subspecies: a Honey tert. The only argument for “theft” would pertain to the gene combo of Slime/Hex, which appears in 5 of SB’s pairs and M's ‘Queen’ variant (though again, SB’s pairs do not have the right tert color/gene most of the time!).
Now, do you remember that timeline? After accusing SB of “stealing” their idea (presumably for the ‘Queen’ variant), what did M immediately do? They went back to their thread and specifically edited the posts pertaining to the requirements for the subspecies and the ‘Queen’ variant! It’s theoretically even possible that the ‘Queen’ variant didn’t even formally exist when SB made their hatchery- all the dragons mentioned/posted in M’s thread are the standard Slime/Sludge/Capsule subspecies, and 3 of the registered dragons of the ‘Queen’ variant were bred in January (well after SB started their hatchery), with 1 other dragon acquired from untraceable sellers at some point (likely around the same time as it is the parent of the other 3). You might even say that perhaps M “stole” the idea for the ‘Queen’ from SB… M also posted the proof themselves in the OP that they use shady edits to change the narrative in their favor- SB specifically mentions this in the screenshots after calling out M for removing their link, who then backs it up by claiming they were “project” dragons; yet M placed them in the “Completed breeders” tab, which was hastily edited to now include “Breeders that need gene alterations”, a shady move that SB commented on and M decided to post proof of for some reason lol.
So if this is true, and M accused SB of stealing their idea, then raced to edit their posts to create a narrative to justify their claims… why would they do it? My theory is simple: an honest mistake combined with jealousy. There are only 12 registered dragons listed on both the old and new subspecies threads, half of which are owned by M. On the other hand, SB’s hatchery lists 22 dragons sold, only 1 of which is exalted. Now I don’t know anything about hatcheries, but I think that is a decent amount for just under 5 months of sales, especially when taking into account the periods of seeming inactivity. I think that M either went on hiatus or forgot/gave up on the subspecies back in December, before SB created their hatchery. SB then created their hatchery, using similar (but definitely not the same!) ideas. Time passed, and one day when browsing the sale forum M comes across SB’s thread. Seeing SB’s hatchery have the popularity they never had, combined with poor memory of the details of their subspecies after such a long time had passed, M comments mistakenly accusing SB of theft. However, not long after they find their old thread, and realize that SB isn’t at all copying their Slime/Sludge/Capsule xxy Amber-ish/Honey, and rush to make the edits needed to tidy up their claims. In the process, they quickly realize it’d be best to just start a new thread altogether, as the current thread was a mess and had no more reserved space past the ‘Queen’ variant (which may have been reserved/lore space before M covered their tracks). Far less sinisterly, perhaps M continued their subspecies idea after abandoning the thread, and after accusing SB they realized that they never actually officially updated their subspecies.
  But who’s to say? There might not be a smoking gun one way or the other, but there’s enough circumstantial evidence to say M doesn’t look as innocent as they sound. As far as SB’s response, it was definitely out of line and way too harsh. But you’ve also gotta admit you’d be pretty peeved if you had been peacefully minding your own business for months and suddenly someone comes in out of the blue, wrongfully accuses you of being a thief, demands you give them credit for all your hard work, then proceeds to buy your dragons to make them part of their “rightful” hatchery, erasing any mention of you as just another slap in the face. From looking at the dragons they’ve sold, SB doesn’t really seem to care what happens to them- genes have been changed, links have been removed, no drama that I can see. It really seems like they are reacting more to M’s shadiness over the whole deal than anything else. That said, nobody likes being namecalled, so SB’s parting remark wasn’t right even if they were wrongly accused of theft.
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screaming--agony · 4 years
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A friend of mine wanted me to answer all 50.
1. how many pillows do you sleep with? Two. One for me, one for my dog.
2. do you believe in soulmates? I’ve seen plenty of people who aren’t good for each other, there has to be a polar opposite.
3. would you ever kiss a stranger? Depends on the situation.
4. describe your dream house? Multi-level Country house, wrap around deck, balcony on the top floor. Fireplace. Basement for a mini movie/game room.
5. do you usually use cash or card? Cash.
6. do you enjoy driving in general? Yeah with music on.
7. do you like your name? if not, what would you change your name to? My name is what it is. My last name, I would change but I don’t know to what.
8. what’s your favorite cuisine? Chicken Alfredo.
9. how often do you get massages? Never.
10. do you play video games? if so, what games? Apex, Old school runescape, gta5, call of duty black ops 3, fortnite, rockband
11. do you prefer to color with colored pencils, crayons, or markers? Colored pencils, makes it more realistic
12. what other fandoms are you in? None.
13. do you have a signature in your style/everyday outfits? I dress comfortable, it depends on my mood whether to dress girly-ish or tshirts.
14. do you have any pets? if not, do you want some in the future? I have a doggo.
15. do you give objects you own a name? (car, house, plants, etc). I used to name my cars but thats it. Otherwise its just cussing.
16. do you like the weather where you live? I’m not a fan of heat but I think everywhere has its own weather obstacle. It could be worse.
17. if you could wear one color for the rest of your life, what would it be? Blue
18. do you like making small talk? Not preferrably but it starts a deeper conversation.
19. what’s your favorite social media platform? Tumblr. But snap is the second.
20. have you ever been to hawaii? No but I would love to.
21. name a fashion trend that you absolutely hate. Clothes that are way too sexist.
22. name a fashion trend that you absolutely love. I’m not up-to-date with fashion trends. But beanies are a guilty pleasure.
23. what was the last text you sent? “lord have mercy. texting and driving. seat belts on.”
24. when making plans, do you like to organize or go with the flow when the time comes? It depends on who I have plans with. Each person is different and I adapt. Some, I have to have a plan. Others, go with the flow based on vibes.
25. what do you want to name your future kids? I try to avoid making future plans.
26. do you have a type? I vibe with personality.
27. when was the last time you kissed someone? Awhile.
28. how often do you cook? A couple times a week.
29. do you think __x__ is overrated or underrated? I’m not sure.
30. do you always remember your dreams? Nightmares, yes.
31. do you believe in ghosts? Without a doubt.
32. would you ever want to move outside of your country? Yes please.
33. describe your first love? I met Vince in 7th grade, a couple years older. We dated a month and broke it off but still kept our friendship. I went through a rape and Vince was there for me the entire time. He became protective, always wanted to hang out, and we just spent a lot of time together having adventures. I fell for him and we were best friends until after I graduated. Life happened and he got married. That was that.
34. more peanut butter or more jelly? Equal.
35. do your irls know about your tumblr account? No.
36. do you prefer hot or cold beverages? Depends on the beverage.
37. when was the last time you finished a book? I haven’t read a book in a couple years.
38. what would you want your wedding colors to be? I don’t plan for my future.
39. how long do you let your nails grow? Until they dig into my palms.
40. if you could stay at a certain age, what age would you pick? None.
41. who do you think has it easiest: older siblings or younger siblings? The oldest (first born) and youngest (baby).
42. how often do you post on social media? On tumblr, a lot.
43. do you enjoy big groups? Fuck no.
44. do you like it when you’re awaken by the sounds of birds chirping? If I wake up peaceful and natural, yes. If I’m disrupted, no.
45. which hand is your favorite? Right.
46. how many people do you follow? Around 3k I think. I slack on following back but when I see the “follow back” option I don’t hesitate to click it. It’s just a lot of energy to go through everything.
47. how many followers do you have? Almost 7k.
48. how many drafts do you have? 13.
49. do you hang or fold your sweaters? Fold unless I have something important going on, then I’ll hang it.
50. even numbers or odd? Even.
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haveyouseenthis · 4 years
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Ranking GO生 Tracklist | Stray Kids Special
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GO生 Tracklist:
GO生 (Go Live) *intro
神메뉴 (God's Menu) *title track
Easy
Pacemaker
비행기 (Airplane) 
일상 (Daily Life/Another Day)
Phobia
청사진 (Blueprint) 
타 (TA) 
Haven
TOP *“Tower of God” OP
SLUMP *“Tower of God” ED
Mixtape : Gone Days *Pre-release 1
바보라도 알아 (Mixtape : On Track) *Pre-release 2
Since I’ve been so obsessed with this release recently, I thought it’d be fun to post a ranking for its tracklist the same as I did to hype up for its release.
Just as I did in my SKZ discography ranking, I’ll be commenting here and there on why I like certain songs, but I’ll try to keep it to a minimum as I’ll be talking about this album more soon. Also, just like last time, I will not be including the intro track in the final ranks.
Kasin’s final GO生 Tracklist Rankings: 
1.“神메뉴 (God’s Menu)”
This track is everything I didn’t know I needed from Stray Kids - from the kpop industry across the board. Most comebacks and debuts this season have felt pretty bland to me. None of them have really been bad, but none have been good either, you know, T? It’s like all of them just knew they needed to be eye catching, but then became nothing more than that. No real effort was put in on the producing side. Songs like NCT’s “Punch” or “Ridin’” feel like they were produced on an assembly line in the company. A cheap way to get max profit with minimal effort.
“God’s Menu” doesn’t feel like that. It’s not recycled. It wasn’t written on an assembly line or according to a formula. I’d bet money that that is because Stray Kids produces for themselves.
“God’s Menu” is shocking. It’s unique. It’s out there. It’s short and sweet for a title track but somehow it feels like it goes on forever. I never listen to it and go “Oh it’s over already”. I listen and find myself somehow feeling like the 2:47 song was actually 5:00. Somehow 3Racha wrote a song that, while being short, makes the listener think it’s longer. It sucks you in and makes you feel like it goes on forever. I mean, it literally only has two verses - two! So why do I feel like it has so many more?
Well, I’ve thought about it and I think it’s how they split up the parts. Verse one is done completely by Han. It also has consistent sound, changing only once halfway through. Verse two, however, is split up between Felix, Seungmin, I.N., Chan, and Hyunjin, and changes line to line, or part to part. This makes each line become its own verse, making the song seem longer. 
I don’t think it would’ve had the same effect if they hadn’t given Han all of verse one, or if they had split up each verse like they did verse two, or even if they had split up the first verse instead of the second. Giving an entire verse to one member right off the bat and then giving that verse a consistent sound, gives the listener’s brain the impression that that is how the rest of the song is going to go. Each verse will be sung by one member and have it’s own sound. So when that changed in verse two, and it gets split between five members and has four different sounds (I.N and Seungmin share a part), the single verse ends up sounding like 4 individual verses back to back.
I don’t want to get too sappy or anything, but the song truly feels like it’s its own little world.
There also isn’t a single break in the track. With many comebacks there will be lulls in the title track, normally two thirds of the way through. This is where raps are shoved into vocal songs for line distribution, or vice versa. It often ends up feeling forced, like the producers were trying to fit a square piece into a circle hole. 
My point is, this song is a masterpiece. Every line fits. The beat is gorgeous.
 2. “Easy”
This is the best song for them to follow up “God’s Menu” with. It has that same braggy style as “God’s Menu”. It’s like a brother to the title track. You can hear the smirk on their face in their voices as they sing - especially in the post chorus with Lee Know and Han. I.N’s voice also pleasantly surprised me this comeback. He has always had a gorgeous voice, but I’ve always been able to tell it's higher in pitch than the others. He sounds younger when he sings and it feels out of place in some of their previous releases. I think Young K said it best in Stray Kids when talking about how I.N’s stage presence disrupted the serious air the crew had with his cute-ness. Listening to “God’s Menu” there were many times I caught myself saying “wait… That’s Innie?”. “Easy” cemented his new vocals. Confirmed that, “yes, that’s I.N you heard,”. 
I think “Easy” could have easily been the title track for this comeback if “God’s Menu” wasn’t a part of the tracklist. It’s still powerful and, while I haven’t looked at the line distribution officially, it doesn’t sound so terrible. Seungmin and Chan probably got the most, being the main vocalists (err, official main vocalist and the honorary one…). It doesn’t seem like Changbin got too much time (his only parts are in verse 3) which is probably a reason they nixed it as the title track, if it was ever in the running. It’s probably doesn’t look too good if you don’t give your main rapper significant time in a title track (*cough* NCT 127 - yes I’m still bitter about Taeyong, shut up.).
3. “비행기 (Airplane)”
It’s so pretty and lighthearted at the same time. When I think of it, it’s with the same fond smile that I wear when I think of ballads, but then I listen to it and remember that it’s light and boppy. 
What I like most is that everyone’s vocals get to shine. Everyone in Stray Kids can sing. All of them. It was so nice to be able to listen to all of their beautiful voices.
Chan’s vocals at the beginning are everything I never knew I needed - jesus. Felix’s “Ay, ay, 기다려봐 / 잠깐만 진정해봐 / Ay, ay, 있잖아 나 / 네가 난 너무 좋아”, and Chan’s strong soulful vocal response with “처음부터 넌 / 내 심장을 흔들고 나를 미치게 해”. Lee Know, with his focus being dance, is never the first person I think of when I think of Stray Kid’s vocalists. Seugnmin, I.N, Bang Chan, and Han come to mind, but how dare I forget our main dancer. He may not have many parts in “God’s Menu”, but listening to the rest of the album I find myself not really minding it because he has a lot of vocal parts in the rest of the songs to compensate. 
I already mentioned how I feel like I.N’s voice has matured a lot, but now it’s time to talk about Seungmin. I wonder if he’s been training more since being appointed as the main vocal? I love his sound this song, especially during his alternating parts later in the song with I.N, namely “난 너의 피터 팬 나의 손 놓지 마 babe”.
4. “청사진  (Blueprint)”
So. Pretty. I’ll talk a little more about it in my GO生 review, but I don’t have terribly much to say. I just love it. 
(Also Chan kills his part around 1:57-2:02)
(And I.N’s vocals are lovely)
(K that’s it)
5. “일상 (Daily Life/Another Day)”
I’ll just save all my thoughts for the main review because I have a lot of them, thank you very much (this is already toooo long~).
6. “Pacemaker”
This almost made 3rd, and there really isn’t a concrete reason why it didn’t besides personal preference. It’s an amazing song, hard-hitting, and sounds like SKZ. That’s actually why I put it after songs like “Airplane” and “Another Day” - because those songs sound different from anything I’ve ever heard from SKZ, and they pleasantly surprised me.
That’s not to say “Pacemaker” is mundane, or sounds just like their previous tracks - it doesn’t. Nothing on this album sounds recycled. None of it sounds like they were uninspired while producing it. “Pacemaker” is a song that stays true to Stray Kid’s hard hip-hop sound, and they spared no expense because of that. There wasn’t less effort put into it because it was another hard track - it demands just as much attention as any other song on this album.
7. “SLUMP”
When “TOP” and “SLUMP” were first released I never really listened to SLUMP. For some reason it slipped my mind that the two were released as a pair, and all I paid attention to was TOP. Maybe it’s because, and forgive me for my sins, I thought “TOP” was “meh” upon release so I didn’t bother listening to “SLUMP”. Or maybe it’s just because “TOP” got most of the hype and I truly forgot about it’s brother track.
Months later, GO生’s release was upon us and I found myself repenting at the altar. How could I have ignored the blessing that is the Tower of God ED all those months ago? 
It only has a duration of 2:14, and I’ve seen a lot of STAYs cracking jokes about how the short length is the only bad thing about it. I disagree. I like it the way it is. Something about it being short and sweet makes it better in my opinion.
8. “타 (TA)”
This song feels like old SKZ. I’m not exactly sure why, but it does. This could have been released right after District 9. However, what separates it from their earlier releases is that it sounds more polished. It sounds like an evolved version of their debut sound.
I do like that, with SKZ being self-producing, you can hear their music getting better. Not that it was ever bad, but there is something a little “more” to their more recent songs. You can tell they’ve gained experience. Recently starting around the astronaut era, you can tell they’ve been getting more comfortable with playing around with their sound more, and I like that a lot.
9. “바보라도 알아 (Mixtape : On Track)”
ONE MORE STEP, I WILL NEVER STOP-
Prettyprettyprettypretty
Okay, I admit: I did not like this song when it came out. Like… kind of at all. But then I listened to it again. And then one more time. And then I looked at the lyrics. And then I watched the music video a few more times for good measure.
When I talk about vocals shining I- this. This is what I mean. The chorus, the verses, the everything.
Also, it brings this album’s love song counter up to 4~. 
10. “Phobia”
I was hoping to like this song more than I do, but I just don’t. It’s a good song, just not my favorite of the bunch. I had it as 8th, actually, for that reason, but I realised it just didn’t sit right with me. I was ranking it for what I wanted it to be, not what I felt it was.
It’s a solid song, don’t get me wrong. I just favour the above more.
11. “Mixtape : Gone Days”
I’m still not able to make up my mind about this one. It reminds me of the saturated hip-hop sound “Get Cool” and “Awkward Silence” enlist, but somehow it goes farther than either of its predecessors did. 
12. “TOP”
If anyone was wondering how close these rankings are, TOP was almost 4th.
Yeah.
I wasn’t sure quite what to think of TOP when it came out. The scythe-y electronic sounds caught me a little off guard. Like “Mixtape : On Track” the more I listened, the more I liked it.
13. “Haven”
I had high hopes for this song, what with its, at least unofficial, namesake being an alternate name for STAY. Meaning-wise it didn’t fall short. It was a song from Stray Kids to their STAY. Telling them this, the music, is STAY’s safe space. It was a message of encouragement and inspiration. 
It was a fun song, truly, just not my favorite. However, it still holds a place in my heart for it’s meaning.
Look out for my GO生 review, coming in two parts~, soon. (Pray for T, she had to proofread so much.)
Links:
GO生 on Spotify
GO生 on Youtube
“神메뉴” M/V
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@dangerouslyzanyperson​ made me aware of this tony stan post:
WALL OF TEXT, THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN, INCOMING
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Oh boy.
Okay before we get into the tony stuff, it is so on brand for a tony stan’s only reason why Steve shouldn’t have gone back in time is because...the world loves him? Do they not think there’s any other reason more motivating than public adoration? “One of your best friends died? Yeah but the wooorrlld loves you, and if that’s enough for tony, that’s enough for everyone!” Or maybe not everyone is as shallow and hungry for public hero worship as tony is. 
Let’s just not address the part where the world thinks that he’s a criminal, wanted by the CIA of all organizations. And that apparently the world blames him and the of the avengers for Sokoiva, despite that being uh...tony’s fault. Sure, the world loved him when he woke up...10 years ago. 
We’re off to a great start! 
Before we continue, let’s make one thing clear - I am not saying that tony’s hasn’t seem some shit, and like @dangerouslyzanyperson mentioned in their post, that he’s all flaws. I’m just going to point out the areas of OP’s argument that I think are off, and where they use his history as an excuse for mistakes instead of just a motivator. 
1. Howard wasn’t abusive. He was an asshole and definitely not affectionate. That is not abuse.
2. Tony literally shot Sam, Steve, and Bucky, point blank. Does that mean they have carte blanche to do whatever they want now?
3. As far as tony knew, he was dead in NYC either way, by nuclear bomb or by space. It’s unfortunate that the writers keep putting tony in lose-lose situations to highlight his new supposed willingness to sacrifice himself, but it takes away from the impact of the “sacrifice.”
Yes, he suffered from PTSD and panic attacks. If only he took responsibility for his own mental health and used 0.0000001% of his billions of dollars to consult a trained professional about how to deal with those in a healthy manner. Having PTSD and panic attacks doesn’t mean that you’re not culpable for your actions. Like shooting Sam point blank in the chest in anger. 
4. I’m sorry. A bratty teenager?? made tony??? create Ultron???? Um, gross. 
Wanda isn’t a “brat.” She saw her parents die as a result of Tony’s weapons, and when she was fighting the avengers, believed she was on the right side of the law, since you know, she and Pietro had been manipulated and lied to by HYDRA, posing as SHIELD. 
Tony himself defended his decision to create Ultron. In fact, by the time EG rolled around, he’d totally take 100% credit for it because now he could use it to whine about how he told them soooo. Tony had been working on Ultron for months before AOU. Remember that little chat between Bruce and Tony? This wasn’t a new concept to Bruce. Tony had Ultron primed, he just never had a means to activate it. But again - Tony taking full credit in EG. 
So a “bratty” teenager, who also has PTSD, far fewer resources to get help for her PTSD, and has actually been manipulated by HYDRA to become a weapon, has showed someone she truly believed to be a villain a scary vision, and then stepped back and was like “holy crap this dude’s gonna fuck everything up all on his own!” 
If you’re gonna call her a brat, at least call her a “bratty teenage orphan” so we can really hammer home how much you hate her, without forgetting that she has plenty of motivation to be far worse than tony has ever been. And the second she found out that Ultron was lying to them, she owned up to her mistakes and fought like hell to right her wrongs, and it cost her Pietro. 
5. The world and the avengers have every right to hate tony after he made Ultron behind their back. Ultron nearly flattened the entire planet, and maybe if he had mentioned his plans to someone with more knowledge about space stuff than him...maybe someone like Thor? He could’ve learned about just how much of a bad idea it was to use Loki’s staff to create an AI. But he didn’t want anyone to tell him no, so he didn’t tell anyone that he didn’t think he could convince. And maybe the world did hate him, but the avengers didn’t. Did you...did you not see the end of the movie where him and Steve and Thor were all joking around together? You’re right, how could I not see the complete vitriol behind their eyes. 
No one is mad that he tried to stop the end of the world - people are mad that he made a unilateral decision without being open to any criticism that would affect the entire world. A decision that is frighteningly close to HYDRA’s decision to hold the world hostage at gun point. The only difference being that now the gun belongs to a single individual who happens to be a billionaire and has major issues when his weapons are used against American citizens alone.
Even when he’s arguing with Steve about it, his motivations are all about ending the team so he can go home. He never once factors in how Ultron, if he had worked the first time the way Tony had aimed for him to, would have changed the landscape of freedom and security for every single person on the planet. His goal was a suit of armor around the planet, except at best, he has only fought for American interests. At worst, he has only fought for his own.
6. Honestly when has anyone ever in the MCU “rubbed tony’s mistakes in his face.” Natasha told him they picked the wrong side. And he threatened her. No one said that Ultron was his fault except for the random lady who let him know that her American son died in Sokovia. He, as far as we know, worked with Wanda, knowing Pietro died there, too, and didn’t give a rip until then. 
7. It was all his fault. But if you were paying attention, you’d notice that he says “Ultron - my fault,” and then after that shallow admission of guilt proceeds to blame all of them for Sokovia. He says it’s his fault but he’s unable to actually reconcile with that fact so he just decides that they all need to be put in check, even though tony has been the only one unwilling to even consider being put into check until he can rope everyone else in with him. 
8. Steve didn’t know the Winter Soldier killed the Starks. He suspected HYDRA was responsible, and feels like he should’ve know so after being pushed, he just takes responsibility - for more than he should have. And therein lies the big differences - Wanda and Steve are more than willing to own up to their mistakes. Tony only takes half-assed responsibility when he can drag everyone else down with him.
9. It’s already been said but..come the fuck on. If Steve was trying to kill Tony he’d be a headless ironman right now. 
10. Tony’s a fucking genius engineer. You don’t think he knew how to pick up a fucking phone - or do you think a military-esque compound from the 90′s that had already figured out cryofreeze doesn’t have a means of communication that genius tony stark figure out? Tony just tried to murder Bucky. You honestly think Steve should’ve given him a ride home? Or could he at least have dropped of Bucky somewhere safe before he fucking bled to death?
11. I’m sorry what was that? Tony had to face his worst fear by himself? What, did Steve magically turn on autopilot on the spaceshift he had no way of knowing tony was on because he couldn’t get over himself long enough to make a quick phonecall? Tony had the option of turning the ship around and regrouping with everyone so they could face Thanos together. He thought he’d have better chances with a stranger (hah) and a teenager on an alien planet nobody know’s about. GENIUS. And all Steve’s fault lmaooo
12. Actually Tony seemed pretty alright living his perfect life until the avengers came to remind him that a lot of people died, and that he lost someone, too. He had every choice to try to help them figure out a way to fix it, but he chose not to. 
13. Again, shitty writing ruins his sacrifice. Tony was either dead because Thanos wiped out the entire universe or because he used the gauntlet. His only choice was whether or not he was going to let Thanos take everyone else out with him...including his wife and kid.
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High school- and friends
When i went through that first enlightenment period of my life, I realized I didn’t really have much money. Sure my dad paid for me to participate in sports and stuff but I didn't have money of my own and couldn’t really get the things that I wanted in life. So I worked my ass off doing just random small jobs for my dad’s friends and at home to earn money, I was always working to try and make myself into something.
I saved up enough to buy my first iPhone in grade 8 and bought myself a longboard, which were big purchases for me back then. I applied to get my young workers certificate the day I turned 14 and gave a resume to every single store in cornerstone. My resume was shit, I hadn't done anything at that point in my life besides raise money for relay for life and volunteer at the SPCA for 6 months. I only heard back from one place, Sobey’s and they laughed at me when I told them I was 14. So there went that dream.
In grade 9 my friend groups started to blend. All these people coming together from different backgrounds in one place. Being the social butterfly that I am, I tried to make a friendship with every single person in the grade. I actually think I did a pretty good job of this within those 4 years, I can say I had some sort of relationship with almost every single person by the end of grade 12. 
It also gave me the opportunity for my friends to meet each other, I introduced people like Short and Matt to the people that I’ve been hanging out with for years. I became really close with Corrigal and our friend group hungout almost every single day together. There were a lot of us but we would have our own parties and get together to drink at someone’s house almost every weekend. The guys I was closest with at this point were Josh, Liam, Matt, Tyler, Jaxon, Jeremy (who I just met), Reese, Corrigal, Short and although he was still in elementary school kept a relationship with Rhys. 
The girls in our group were also pretty cool back then, spent time with Kate, Taryn, Nikki, Sydney, Selena, Billie and Cami. 
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I didn’t really try the hardest in school until grade 12, I was more so focused on having fun and my sports. 
Throughout the years the girls started to care less about us and were doing their own thing. I started making some friendships with some other guys that I didn’t ever have the opportunity before like Crawf and Fuzz. 
My mom was really reflecting on her health and she knew we were going to be leaving soon so she let me throw huge 100 person parties in our basement a couple times in grade 9. Pretty wild for some 14/15 year olds. 
At this time I started kind of getting into the dating scene, nothing ever really came out of it but I was learning. I couldn’t drive at this point but I started going on date’s with a girl named Emma. I would pay to go golfing, go to the movies, we’d go play tennis or we would just hangout at one of our houses. We were even posting pictures on our social media together. Seemed like everything was going good until she randomly texted me one day saying that we couldn’t keep seeing each other, it was pretty random but I went with it. We still hungout from time to time after, even went on a few more dates but nothing came from it. I later found out that her reasoning was that I was too short for her, which was honestly pretty valid because she was 6 foot tall and I was 5 foot 7 haha.
Everyday after school Jaxon and Tyler would come over to my house and we would watch hours of Netflix together practice beer pong in my basement. That changed at the end of grade 9, Matt had asked me if I wanted to come volunteer with him at an event at the Co-op where he worked, of course I said yes because I didn’t really have much going on ever besides working out. I met the HR person from the Co-op at this event, Matthew, and he loved how charismatic I was, asked me if I wanted a job at the Co-op with Matt. I was super happy because the prior year I tried so hard to find a job. 
I worked my ass off at the co-op. Matt left after a couple months of me being there which meant I was the only student left around to close the Meat department. That meant I was going in after football practice for 3 hours to do all the intensive cleaning. As you can see, school still wasn’t my biggest priority. I wanted to buy a vehicle so i worked as much as I could. This was in grade 10.
Grade 10 was a pretty big year for the boys. We ventured out from our small group parties into huge parties, the rookie party era started and the boys weren’t shy about going out. We went to everything, no matter what. I always said I wasn’t going to let work interfere with my social life so I would show up to the Co-op absolutely drunk as fuck still from the night before on multiple occurrences. But the boys meant so much to me that it was worth ti every time. At every party you could find me talking to people’s parents, building relationships with everyone I could. I grew especially close with Jeremy and Liam at this point and we did basically everything together. I still maintained my brotherhood with Josh, a task I always found easy no matter how different of things we were doing. Grade 10 I became pretty close friends with Dyllen. Tyler wasn’t really associated with our group due to fucking up too many times. 
I also continued with my relationship building skills. I wanted to be remembered by every single person, so I put in so much effort into getting to know people deep down and trying to actually become their friend, asking them the real questions. I did this especially with my teachers at school, I was always asking them about their life at home and I got some really personal stories from teachers like Mme Chan, Miss Welter and Mr. Germs. I think I earned the respect of every teacher in high school. At the same time I was still my attention seeking self and wanted to be heard in class. I volunteered to read every time the class was asked upon and tried to crack some well timed jokes. At work I learned so much from the adults there and got basically their whole life stories. I loved to learn about other people, it made them feel special and it built a strong connection with them.
They started hiring more young people at Co-op around this time. I made some awesome friendships with people like Zach, Dante and Ivan. Especially Zach though, we would spend every single break together either going for lunch or playing baseball behind the store.
I had my second real thing with a girl in the summer between grade 10 and grade 11. Her name was Brooklyn. Dyllen was dating her best friend Jaici at the time and had invited me up to Brooklyn’s cabin to hangout for the July long weekend. I was off from work and thought we might as well go. I met Brooklyn and we hit it off instantly. She was fresh off a breakup though so I wanted to give her some space. She ended up getting back together with her boyfriend after a couple weeks and we obviously stopped talking. Then when her and her boyfriend broke up again she texted me immediately. This was right at the beginning of grade 11 and we spent a lot of days hanging out together, with Dyllen and Jaici some of those times. She wasn’t ready for anything serious so we just eventually stopped talking. She ended up dating Matt a few years later.
A lot of the same old at the beginning of grade 11. For me, playing football, partying and spending time with the boys. I loved it, formed so many good relationships with those guys. I became really close to Rahman at this point. Halloween of that year my life changed drastically, but I’ll write more about that later. I started dating Eden and that meant my time with the boys plummeted. I was super busy at this point in my life. I was playing basketball 6 times a week, playing hockey 2-4 times a week and working every Sunday. I somehow balanced it all but lost touch with the boys because of it.
Long weekends were always such a special time for our group. Everyone would take the weekends off from work and gather at the lake for a weekend of catching up. They really kept the boys together in a way that is hard to describe. For me I almost didn’t play spring football one year so that I could go to May Long but I got talked into playing from the coaches. Aug long was my time to shine and I always appreciated Rhys’ and Corrigals’s hospitality towards me. 
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The end of grade 11 was the second huge reflective moment of my life. I needed to figure out what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. My career choice at the time was to be an architect based off of Ted Mosbey from How I Met Your Mother. I was taking a drafting and design class and I loved it, took all three levels (10, 20, and 30). I needed to figure out how I was going to turn into it into my career, so my choice was to apply for Engineering at the University of Saskatchewan and specialize in structural engineering and then move on to the University of Calgary to get a degree in architecture. I started trying extremely hard in school to set myself up for this path. Jaxon and his girlfriend also broke up when we were in grade 11 and the guy has never been the same since.
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I was working almost full time at co-op, while still participating in my spring sports and didn’t have as much for the boys due to me trying hard in school now with that other stuff. I didn’t have any money to go to school, maybe 5000, which wouldn’t get me far so I needed to keep working.
In grade 11 my grandpa had died and although I saw it coming and was extremely sad, he left me 5000, this money really helped me get my education. 
In grade 12 I was the biggest try hard in school, and I was getting awesome marks because of it, as good as I really could get while playing a bunch of sports and still working a bunch. But I also came to a realization that all those relationships I had worked so hard on for those 4 years were going to come to an end, I wouldn’t be able to see the same people everyday and have those real conversations with them. I started going out a bunch again in grade 12 because that was what I felt I needed to do to hold onto those relationships. It was tough to balance everything but I always made it work. 
Billie and Cami were still super good friends of mine throughout all of high school and we sat together in every class. I was going to ask Cami to grad but she ended up asking Rhys before I had the chance.
Grade 12 I formed the tightest bond I think I ever had with Josh even after knowing him for so long, we had such similar career paths in mind that we helped each other strive towards them. That’s when Jackson came along so become one of my best friends, although his work ethic was a little different than ours, he was naturally smarter and didn’t have to work to the same degree, he still had very similar ambitions that helped us grow together towards our goal. We all planned our university lives together and spent a bunch of time as a group, we planned to find a place together. Our original plan was to get a place at College Quarters but when I called to ask about the availability when we got accepted in January, they had said that the application deadline was in November so we were way too late. Thank God though because the situation we found ourselves in was a million times better. At co-op they hired a kid named Lucas who I took under my wing and made a really good friend of mine.
Me, Josh and Jackson were so set on this goal of moving to Saskatoon and we knew it wasn’t going to be cheap, when the graduating class was all pushing the idea that we should go to Mexico as a grad trip, the three of us initially decided against it. We were thinking that 2000 could mean two months of living in Saskatoon. I think I was the first one to come to the realization and I brought it to the boys. We were NEVER going to have an opportunity like that again, so we signed up. I was lucky because my dad and Nicole combined some money together and gave me 1100$ to go. The trip ended up being around 3000 by the same all the money was spent there, but I don’t regret it one bit.
Grad retreat was a super special day to me. One last effort to spend time with all the people that I tried to befriend throughout my 4 years. I’ll never forget that big tackle football game the boys had going on. It was also an opportunity to let everyone know how grateful we were. I wrote so many notes and dropped them on peoples baskets for them to read later. I still go back and read the notes people wrote me at least once a year.
At graduation time all the work I put into my relationships was finally coming together. I received the highest valued scholarship at the St Mary Grad ceremony, I was getting really nervous because as the list dwindled down my name wasn’t getting called and i really thought I wasn’t going to win anything. But there it came, the last scholarship 2 500 to the person who displayed what it’s like to lead in all aspects of life. All the teachers had voted me this person, I didn’t have the best marks in our class, I had a 94% average in grade 12, there were about 20 people with higher averages than that but at the end of the day it was my personality that had me winning, maybe not deservingly so because there were a lot of brilliant people who were also leaders in different ways. I also won a 500 $ scholarship from the Kinsmen Club Prince Albert for being a community leader and then 250 $ for having the highest average in Drafting and Design 30 (in which I was the only student). I also got a 700$ scholarship from the co-op that i worked at. Pair those winnings with the 2000$ entrance scholarship I got from the U of S, I was capable of attending university. I had about 7000 saved from the co-op, 5500 in scholarship money and the 5000 from my grandpa’s inheritance, this was enough to take me through the first couple of years. 
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merginglane · 7 years
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Top Surgery with Dr Esther Kim at UCSF's Center of Excellence for Transgender Health
I wanted to give a detailed account of my experience with Dr. Kim at UCSF because when I was considering her as my surgeon, I couldn’t find a lot of info outside of UCSF’s own literature. 
UCSF In General
My experience with Primary Care at UCSF (Dr. Madeline Deutsch) hasn’t been great - 
I’m nonbinary, and they aren’t great at allowing for that. They pretty much make you (at least on paper/in the system) identify yourself as FTM or MTF.
When I switched my insurance back to Medi-Cal and thus my Primary Care to Dr Deutsch at UCSF, they were never able to get my prescription for T worked out with the insurance and I wound up having to pay out of pocket one month (ultimately was able to crowdfund for almost the whole $500 cost thank you to my AMAZING support network), getting another month’s supply of T from a friend (LUCKY), and still having to go like 2 weeks without T, at which time I had given up on UCSF and switched my prescription back to Planned Parenthood who got me T in a VERY timely fashion (THEY ARE AMAZING).
It is EXTREMELY hard to get ahold of Dr. Deutsch.
So I was hesitant to seek top surgery through them. However, my insurance covered it and I figured at least it was the same internal system, so perhaps the paperwork would be minimal (which ultimately proved about half true).
Preparing for Surgery
I started the process of getting all the paperwork lined up for top surgery in January 2017. I almost had everything all set up in the beginning of March when I recieved an email from Dr. Deutsch telling me that she had seen that I was seeking top surgery and that I needed to make an appointment with her to discuss this (despite my efforts to try to contact Dr. Deutsch in January about this and being unable to). Her next available appointment was 1.5 months later, mid-April.
When I showed up at the appointment, Dr. Deutsch told me that it wasn’t even necessary for me to come in and made me feel like I had sought that appointment of my own volition.
Luckily, after that appointment everything moved fairly quickly. I made an appointment with Dr. Kim for a month later, mid-May. I had my appointment with Dr. Kim and was pleasantly surprised to get a surgery date for 2 weeks later - June 5th. The only commentary I have about Dr. Kim from that appointment was that she didn’t really tell me much, she expected me to have a lot of questions and when I didn’t have many, she just wound up leaving a lot unexplained. Sure I should have had more questions, but she also could have just given me an overview of what the surgery and recovery would be like, etc.
Everything leading up to the surgery date was fine until, 5 days before surgery, I received a call from Dr. Kim’s office asking for my “therapist letter” for the insurance. I informed them that I had never gotten a letter from a therapist (in SF it’s not required to access to hormones or on the doctor’s end for surgery, just for insurance purposes). I had never been told by Dr. Deutsch, Dr. Kim, or either of their teams, that I needed this letter. I’m ultimately not sure whose failure this was, but it was traumatic having to clean up the mess. I was told that if I didn’t get this letter in the next 2 or so days, my surgery wouldn’t be covered by my insurance. I just about completely fell apart. Luckily, my incredible partner was able to find a therapist who agreed to see me on an emergency basis that very night and write the letter. The appointment and letter were not cheap, and I’m incredibly blessed that my partner was willing and able to pay for it. I found out a day too late that the Director of Mental Health at Planned Parenthood would have happily also written and faxed a letter for me after only a brief phone call (seriously, can’t say enough wonderful things about Planned Parenthood (specifically my experience with the staff at the Walnut Creek PP and PP NorCal in general)). But maybe that info will be helpful for someone else.
2 days later (3 days before surgery) Dr. Kim’s office called me to let me know that the insurance had accepted the letter and would cover the procedure.
Aside from that, I will say that I didn’t feel like I got a whole lot of info from Dr. Kim about what to expect during/after surgery and how best to prepare. She did give me a list of herbs/supplements/substances to avoid in the few weeks/days before surgery (here’s my post about that), but that’s about it. I had a call with the anesthesiologist a few days before surgery and honestly that was where I got most of my info about what the day of surgery was going to be like. 
Day of Surgery
I had to get to the hospital at 6am. After checking in I waited in the lobby for about 30 minutes and then was directed upstairs to a bed. I was really nervous but honestly everything moved so quickly that it was all kind of a blur which was nice. 
A nurse came to talk with me and take my vital signs first and she was REALLY nice and comforting. Next the anesthesiologist came to introduce herself and explain what her role/process was going to be like. Then Dr. Kim arrived. I must say, after the first appointment I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, but her bedside manner is DEFINITELY lacking. She is not someone I would describe as “nice” or “warm,” she’s not mean, but she prioritizes efficiency at the cost of kindness, I think. She marked my chest up, which was a VERY difficult process for me, and one I had never been told about (I realize now that I should have seen it coming, but I guess I naively thought/hoped that they would just be able to do it once I was knocked out on the operating table). 
The anesthesiologist came back and started my IV and honestly it’s pretty much all a blur from there. They wheeled me back shortly after (it bears noting that my partner was allowed to be with me all the way until they wheeled me back into the operating room), and asked me to help them move me from the gurney to the table, and the next thing I remember is waking up after. Honestly, looking back on it, this part was WAY less scary than I thought it was going to be.
It was HARD to wake up after, I was REALLY drowsy and fairly nauseated, but not in any pain. But I REALLY wanted to go home. So, I pushed myself to wake up and to eat/drink to feel better. My partner was able to come be with me probably 10-15 minutes after I woke up. My nurse after was VERY sweet and encouraged me to take it slow, maybe even take a nap etc. He showed my partner how to empty the drains and he told me what to avoid doing, etc. I ate some graham crackers, a popsicle, and some juice. I think I took a short nap, and then I left. They wheeled me out in a wheel chair and I remember it was REALLY hard to get from the chair to the car.
One final note on the day-of, I guess it’s Dr Kim’s general practice not to release the prescriptions for the antibiotics and pain killers until the day of surgery. Had everything gone smoothly, this would have only been minorly annoying. But of course, everything DID NOT go smoothly. When the nurse handed my partner the prescriptions, he said, “you will be able to get these filled at any pharmacy.” NOT SO. We had to try 4 different pharmacies before we found one that said they would fill it. THEN the pharmacists INSISTED on getting verbal confirmation from DR KIM HERSELF that these prescriptions should be filled. My partner called Dr Kim, and the hospital over and over. No response. Then, by some miracle, she found the number for an anesthesiologist at UCSF who just so happens to hate surgeons. This anesthesiologist first tried to lecture my partner about not having filled the prescription before the surgery date, but upon being told we had asked for the prescriptions early and had been told we could not have them until the day of surgery, she went to bat for us! She hounded several surgeons at UCSF until she was able to find one who would call the pharmacy for us. Then the pharmacist finally filled the prescription. This whole process took 4 hours. Luckily I was so groggy I just slept in the car the whole time. #AmazingPartnerForTheWin #AlsoPropsToThatAnesthesiologist
Then we went home and I slept. 
Post-Surgery
So, Dr Kim does things SPECIFICALLY. First of all, I had to have the drains in for 8 days. According to my research, this is on the rather long end of the spectrum. Some people get their drains out after only 3 days, some people 5, some people 7, etc. After I got the drains out, I still had to wear 2 ace bandages for another 9 days (this seems to be right in the middle of the spectrum).
At my first follow up appointment, 8 days post-op, I did not even see Dr. Kim. I saw a Physician’s Assistant. She was very sweet although a little rough with my bandages/skin. She told me everything was healing great and I felt encouraged. Here’s the post I wrote immediately following that appointment.
At my second follow up appointment, 17 days post-op, I saw Dr. Kim plus a team of other people who Dr. Kim never even bothered to introduce (another minus for your bedside manner Dr. Kim). I will say, at this appointment, it was almost like Dr. Kim had been given the feedback that her bedside manner was lacking, and she was trying to be kind/gentle/explanatory. It still wasn’t great, but I would say it was an improvement. I was allowed to be ace bandage free but she told me I needed to keep bandaids and aquafor on my nipples until there were no more scabs on my nipples (this proved to be about 8-9 more days). She also told me not to put anything (like ointment, coconut oil, lotion, etc.) on the scars until I hit 6 weeks post-op, which really surprised me. My chest felt REALLY raw and sensitive under just a shirt. It was hard to do anything that day or the following day. Here’s the post I wrote following that appointment.
I have one more follow-up appointment, 6 weeks and 4 days post-op. I’m expecting she’s going to say everything looks good, because that’s how I feel, but I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.
Administrative Side of Things
I’ve already given most of my commentary about the admin side of both UCSF and Dr Kim’s office, specifically. I guess the one thing that I haven’t mentioned is time. Every single appointment I’ve had at UCSF, and with Dr Kim specifically, I have checked in at least 15 minutes early, sometimes even 30 minutes early, and I’ve always had to wait anywhere from 45-75 minutes before even being called back to have my vital signs taken. One appointment took 3 hours from check-in to when I left (and the actual happenings of my appointment probably took about 30 minutes). Everyone I encountered in Dr. Kim’s office (aside from Dr. Kim who’s demeanor I’ve already commented on) has been VERY sweet and makes a very concerted effort to ask what I would like to be called and what my pronouns are. If they do not know the name I go by, they simply call me my last name. Which is AMAZING.
Quality of Surgery Itself
Here’s the kicker, while the bedside manner, and administrative dealings certainly leave something to be desired, the outcome of the surgery is INCREDIBLE. I had double incision with nipple grafts and I am ELATED with how everything looks. The nipples are slightly different shapes and the scars come to slightly different places in my armpits, but you know what, bodies are asymmetrical, and if those are my biggest complaints, I wouldn’t trade this outcome for the world. In fact, for this outcome, I would have put up with 2 additional large hurdles, at least. Dr. Kim may not be the nicest surgeon out there, but SHE DELIVERS. Which ultimately, feels the most important, because I had to live with her for 4 appointments but I will have this chest (presumably?) for the rest of my life! 
Here’s a pic of me 17 days post-op, 23 days post-op, 27 days post-op, 31 days post-op, and 36 days post-op
If you have any questions I didn’t answer here
Go ahead and message me! I’m so happy to discuss my experience and/or point you toward any resources I may know about.
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hollywoodx4 · 7 years
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Sticking With the Schuylers (14)
In this part, we experience a flashback...
1  2  3  4  5  6   7   8   9   10   11   12   I   13
This chair isn’t as comfortable as he’d thought it would be. Or as he thinks it is, because he told me this morning how much he loves it. It’s cold, it’s always picking up the breeze from outside when I open the windows. And the cold stays in the chair, all the time. How is that even possible?
               I bet if James had gotten those little cushions we saw at the farmer’s market last weekend these chairs wouldn’t be so unbearable. They would’ve looked so nice, too. They would’ve matched that hideous painting of the naked woman he bought last month.  I wish he hadn’t hung it in such an open part of the apartment. Or even bought it at all.  It makes it look so unwelcoming. So cold.
               These chairs hurt my back, too. The way the iron divots dig in to the skin every time I try to lean back. What does he expect, all his guests to sit at the table with perfect posture? Although I guess it wouldn’t hurt as bad if my back weren’t already bruised.
               But it’s fine. The chairs are fine. The painting is fine. My back is fine.
               I’m fine.
               I bet he’ll think it’s too cold when he comes back. I should probably shut the window. But then there’s never any fresh air in here and it’s such a nice day, especially for early March. But the chairs.
               Okay, the window really does need to be shut. Maybe I could even make that chicken he likes, surprise him when he comes home. That would be nice. He’d like that.
               But why hasn’t he come home yet? He was supposed to be here half an hour ago. And I know he said things get tossed up in the air with that new class and their never-ending debates but at what point is he going to stop lying to me and just tell me what’s going on?
I shouldn’t be accusing him of anything.
But he’s been distant lately, and he’s been worse. Worse than the fight we had on Valentine’s Day after the gala, when I told him I was too tired. And yes I was lying to him but that shouldn’t be any different than if I had been telling the truth. Angelica’s right. She’s always been right. It’s unacceptable. None of this should have ever happened. I shouldn’t have let this happen.
How did it get this far?
This chair is so cold. And my back is throbbing. And I’m tired…I’m just tired. I wish Angelica would call, maybe she could talk some sense into me. But then again I’m not allowed to leave so it’s not like it matters anyway. Which is the other thing that’s not alright. What am I, a prisoner? And really, what would happen if I just decided to leave?
I could leave a note. Something simple, something heartfelt. It’s not like I don’t appreciate what this relationship brought me. Because it was good, in the beginning. In the beginning it was amazing. He was so kind, so thoughtful. He was always by my side; making sure I was okay, being there…he always posted the funniest pictures of us on Instagram. The public loves him. And my father really loves him.
If father ever found out…
Okay. I have to write this letter now. This is happening. Oh my god, this is actually happening. I should call Angelica first. Alright…come on, pick up. Pick up, Angelica.
“What’s up, sis?” She sounds happy. I don’t want to ruin her day, I really don’t. But I have to do it, don’t I? Wait, now it’s taken me too long to answer.
“Just getting ready to leave James.”
“Where are you headed? I thought James had his ‘big dinner’ planned tonight?”
“He did but I’m leaving. Forever. I was…kind of hoping you could come and get me?” I hope John has his car this weekend, I know he had it in the shop for a while. I mean I guess I could call the driver but then god knows where James has his little bugs, he always seems to know everything that’s going on. Wait, did she say yes? Hold on what is she talking about now, I completely lost track of what was going on.
“-and don’t worry about anything, you still have your room at home and I’m sure if you explained things to housing they’d help you out. You could also come and live with me. Actually, that’d probably be the best idea please do come and live with me. God, Betsey, I’m so happy you’re doing this. You really deserve so much better than him, he’s a complete asshole and I just,”
“Elizabeth?” Oh my god. It’s him. I can’t move, why are my feet glued to the floor? He’s coming over, I can hear his feet. Even his footsteps sound angry tonight. Wait, the letter. He can’t find the letter, he can’t know what I was just about to-
-Where’s my phone? Oh my god, I feel like something might be broken. What bone in my face would that even be? I hope it doesn’t bruise, that’s going to be a pain to cover up. Wait, phone-where’s my phone? Oh-
-Okay, that one was a bruise. Is he-wait, he found the paper. That must be why he’s so-
“What’s this,” Oh shit, he’s mad. Why is his voice so quiet? And calm? “You’re leaving me?”
“I-I was-I just,“ Jesus, Elizabeth, get yourself together. Stand up for yourself. Stand up. Get your phone and get the hell out of here. Just stand up.
I’m frozen, why am I frozen? Come on, legs, work! He’s not going to just stand there forever, and I’m sure as hell not about to find out what happens next. If I can reach my phone, maybe-
No wait, he has it now. Did he hang it up? Oh shit, he did. Angie’s smart, though. Angie will know. There’s no way this is-
Is that-I can’t even feel my head anymore. Or-or anything, reall-don’t they say you have to keep your eyes ope-…why is he coming back toward me? What is he doing? Why-
               “No!” Angelica jumps from her place at her middle sister’s apartment door. The paper grocery bags she’d been cradling fall to the floor with a thud, and she doesn’t even bother throwing her shoes off before racing to her sister’s bedroom.
               Eliza’s sitting up in her bed, face laced with beads of sweat that drip down her forehead and onto her chin. She’s glistening, actually, her hair amess atop of her face. All three of her fluffy white blankets hang from her bed at all angles, pillows covering the floor. Even the corners of her duvet have been uprooted from her mattress, billowing over the end of her bed in a twisted mess. She pushes the hair back from her sweat-adorned face, chest heaving as she struggles to catch her breath.
               Angelica stumbles across the room and flies to her side, wrapping her arms around her in immediate defense. She’s shocked by the moisture that laces her sister’s skin; how she’s suddenly very warm. Eliza’s body shakes against hers and she’s gripped by her sister, who buries her face into her chest.
               “I was-have you-It’s been so long, and,”
               “I know, Bets, I know.”
               “So you saw it?” Angelica feels the physical pain in her stomach upon her sister’s deflated voice. It’s the sudden reoccurrence of everything that had transpired the year before; instantaneous memories, ignited instincts. She holds her little sister tighter then, rubbing circles on her sweaty back while letting reassuring words flow with great effort from her lips. Eliza cries, squeezing Angelica so tightly that the words she’s saying become caught in her own throat. But the oldest Schuyler doesn’t mind. She’d hold her sister all day if it meant some form of release from the pain she could barely imagine.
               “John called me between shifts. He sounded really concerned, does he know?”
               “Bits and pieces.” Elizabeth sits up, pulling a blanket to her face to rid herself of the sweat-and-tear mixture that has formed. Her eyes are narrow and tired, the beginnings of bags drooping low beneath them. She runs a hand through her hair before throwing it up in a messy bun, where tresses of brown mussed from sleep and sweat stick out at all ends. “He knows enough to know that I had a panic attack in the middle of the Starbucks and basically humiliated myself. Luckily there was next to nobody there, but still. Not one of my finer moments.”
               “So then what about Alex?”
               Eliza puts her face in her hand, sighing, and holds it there. She can feel the immediate paralyzing anxiety swirling around her; shaking her core, rattling her head…it sets a fog to her mind in such a way that she feels as though she’s drowning. In her heart Eliza knows the answer immediately, feels the way it aches and tugs at her heart with a string of guilt.
               “I should have called him right away. I don’t like keeping secrets.”
               “It’s not keeping a secret.”
               “But it is. You know he texted me earlier asking how my day was going? I said fine. Fine; like nothing ever happened. Like I didn’t come home from Starbucks and take a three hour nap. That’s not us, Angelica. That’s not me. Being honest, and open…it’s the most important thing a relationship needs. And it’s exactly what I’m not doing right now.”
               “So you didn’t tell him right away, so what? Were you really going to open your conversation with that the first night you met him?” Angelica raises her eyebrow at her sister, teasing, and manages to get a slight turn of the lips in return. Even a muted chuckle. “There are things that you’re allowed to keep closer to your heart, Eliza. This is one of them. It’s justified.”
               “I don’t want to make him angry.”
               “At what? Eliza, he’s stupidly in love with you. He writes you letters every day like he’s trying to court you. There was even the ten-pager, remember? This won’t make him angry.”
               “But it’ll change things.”                
               “Of course it will. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing, by any means.  It could be good.”
               “It could be terrible.”
               “And if it is, then he’s not meant to be with you.” Eliza’s eyes move downward, to her blanket. Her fingers pick absent-mindedly at the hem of it, pulling on string that’s becoming looser by the minute. She tries to block out the words her sister has just said, as if they hadn’t made her heart sink to a level she hadn’t ever felt. Just the imagery; the thought of a world without Alexander in it, had physically crushed her.
               Angelica can read the severity of her words on her sister’s spirit. When she’d come into her room Eliza had been shaken; terrified and static. Now, she was spent. Her breathing had returned to normal but that meant nothing when Angelica looked at her eyes, her face. Eliza’s lips are drawn into a thin line, bending downward at the corners. She bites her lip as a hand moves to her cheek, wiping away another round of moisture-is she crying?- before she sighs in exasperation.
               “This isn’t the end.” Eliza doesn’t answer. Angelica places her hand underneath Eliza’s chin and tips it up, making her middle sister look in her eyes. “Betsy,”
               “This isn’t the end.”
               “Everything is going to be okay.”
               “Okay.”
               “Now come on, game night will cheer you up. Or distract you, at least. Laff is still pissed that I got back on top last week and I can’t wait to keep the humiliation going.”
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10 Relationship Tips For Traveling Couples
New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/trending/10-relationship-tips-for-traveling-couples/
10 Relationship Tips For Traveling Couples
It’s often said that you don’t really know someone until you travel with them, and for the most part—it’s true. Exploring a new environment, language and culture is an exciting experience that can push a couple out of their comfort zone and into each other’s arms.
Take it from me—all of my partners have been long distance for the past seven years, so travel has been baked into my relationships. Although I’ve experienced plenty of travel highs, I’ve also mastered navigating the travel lows. (Nothing worse than fighting with your boyfriend and storming off, then realizing you don’t speak French and have to come back). From Haiti to Cuba to Austria to Mexico, I’ve spent weeks and sometimes months in other countries, navigating languages, social customs, foods, health care, transport, time off and budgets so that I can fill my heart, as well as my passport.
However, it’s also no secret that travel can be full of frustrations that test the staying power of a relationship. If you’re wondering how you can keep a relationship positive in the midst of traveling, here are some hard-earned tips from me and REI Adventures Program Manager Kelsey Wenger, who traveled through South America for seven months with her partner (and survived to tell the tale, relationship intact).
“It’s really comforting to have someone you know and love with you when you’re going to an exotic place,” Wenger says of her time traveling with her partner. “When you’re traveling for that amount of time—when you’re gone for seven months—it seems really intimidating to go by yourself.”
Here are 10 everyday tips to keep your relationship going strong, even if you’ve missed the train, it’s 108 degrees outside and you’ve been detained on the Swiss-Italian border (true story).
Tip #1: Be A Good Sport About Documentation
I once had a partner say “no” when I asked him to take my travel picture. Needless to say, we’re no longer together.
If your partner shames you for wanting to document your experience, the relationship is probably not the best fit. When traveling, it’s important to have a supportive partner who’ll understand (and match) your need to stunt for the ’Gram, send a photo to mom or whatever other reason you might be asking for a photo.
If your partner isn’t a good sport about wanting to document you living your best life, are they really worth sharing that best life with?
Tip #2: Be Present
On the other hand, it’s important to be present with your partner. It’s annoying to be with someone who can’t put their phone down or is too busy taking pictures to really enjoy the moment.
The outdoors look better in full definition, not through a screen. And there’s nothing worse than eating dinner with a partner as they talk to other people on their phone while you sit there in front of them in silence. Food is just more enjoyable without electronics.
“Rather than being in the moment with your significant other,” Wenger says, “often it’s one person trying to capture that Instagrammable moment. … So, making sure you’re aware of what your significant other values when going to pretty places is very important.”
Tip #3: Respect That They May Not Be a Morning Person
“The day shall not be wasted! We got time off for this! We waited a long time for this!” I said once, to not-a-morning person. And then that not-a-morning person was miserable for the rest of the day because they didn’t get enough sleep.
This experience taught me that travel is not the time to switch someone into a morning person, no matter how chipper, pumped with coffee and ready I am to seize the day.
Instead, I now get up, wander to the local coffee shop by myself, listen to the sounds of a city as it wakes up and read a book. It’s become my favorite way to start the day.
On the same note, show respect if your partner is not a night owl. Some people just really enjoy pajamas and socks at a reasonable hour. So cozy up early—unless there’s a meteor shower or an aurora borealis waiting outside in the night sky.
Tip #4: When Conflicts Arise, Have Healthy Communication
Conflict will happen. Every time, on every trip. No matter who you’re traveling with.
Remember that when two people travel together, compromise is essential. Before you leave home, discuss what activities you’re both interested in, what pace you’d like to take and the amount of money you collectively want to spend.
“Sometimes they didn’t want to do what I wanted to do,” Wenger says. “You can mitigate that by taking time to yourself—and I think that’s really important—but other times you have to let things go in order to make the relationship work.”
There’s nothing worse than surprising your partner with the news that you planned two tours, seven dinners, a scuba dive and a marathon all in one day. Be considerate—asking for your partner’s input is important so that you don’t have unrealistic expectations.
Tip #5: Give (and Receive) Gratitude
Usually one person plans the majority of the trip (unless you go on an REI Adventures trip, which is planned ahead of time). Those of us who are Type A planners do a lot of research to make sure a trip is as seamless as possible and that we get the best deals in the best locations.
However, it can be incredibly discouraging when a partner critiques your hard work. Like the time I planned a trip to Mexico and my boyfriend complained about the accommodations and I felt defeated and unappreciated after putting so much thought into his comfort.
And, when you don’t lift a finger to contribute to the planning process, it’s important to validate your partner by showing gratitude. It may be a simple, “Thank you for planning this, you did a great job,” that makes all the difference.
Tip #6: Go On Dates
Vacations are the perfect time to be romantic. But it can be hard to remember to appreciate each other after you’ve been roughing it, walking, sweating and taking showers sparingly. But all that said, it’s still important to be a couple.
Building dates into your trips and spending one-on-one time after being surrounded by crowds, tour groups and strangers all day is a great strategy to keep the flame ablaze. Plus, it’s a good excuse to get cute, dress up and smell good for once.
Tip #7: Be Real About Bodily Functions
One time, while traveling with a partner, I got E. coli poisoning, and it wasn’t pretty. But to my surprise, after the ordeal was over my partner hugged me and said, “I feel so much closer to you now. We’ve officially been through the most embarrassing moment and came out alive.”
It’s not uncommon to get sick or have a bathroom mishap while traveling. So it helps to understand that bathroom boundaries may definitely be crossed. And who knows, maybe they’ll appreciate the vulnerability and fall more in love with you than ever before.
“It always comes down to your partner being very sick,” Wenger says. “That’s happened on many trips we’ve been on together, and it’s definitely the least flattering you’re ever going to see them, but it generally brings you closer together.”
Tip #8: Talk Budget Early
Budget is also important to discuss. On some vacations, you plan to spend a lot, while on others, you don’t. So, while your partner is dropping $200/day on a convertible rental, you thought you were going to take a 30-cent tuk-tuk around the city. Attention! Not a good way to start off a trip.
“Most of the fights we had [in South America] revolved around money—which is true for most traveling couples. … remember that what you’re doing is fun and you’re on a trip, and so, sure, you can keep track of costs, but in the end it’s not going to be that big of a deal, so just try and let it go a little bit,” Wenger says.
Tip #9: Acknowledge Being Hangry Is A Legit Condition And Must Be Treated ASAP
Hangry (adjective): A state of irritability induced by the rapid onset of hunger.
As someone who gets extremely excited while traveling and forgets to eat, I’ve learned to treat hanger as a serious condition.
We all have our own eating schedules, but when traveling with your partner, try to sync up, otherwise when one person starts dropping into low blood-sugar territory, it can be to the serious detriment of the relationship. With low blood sugar, your partner can’t think straight, their emotions are uncontrollable and next thing you know, you could be getting yelled at for breathing too loudly. The same goes for being dehydrated.
Do not underestimate the power of getting your partner watered and fed when they let you know they’re starting to get hangry. Drop everything and eat! Carry snacks and water always.
Tip #10: Most Importantly, Have Fun
The whole point of a trip is to enjoy new experiences. That said, treat every mishap, showerless day, car breakdown and hanger-induced meltdown as an adventure. And then, also revel in the great moments: the mountains you climbed together, the waterfalls you jumped off of and the challenges overcome.
Traveling comes with difficulties. Traveling with a partner—well, that’s a whole different challenge. But while traveling alone can be empowering, nothing beats sharing a fantastic experience with the one you love. So don’t let a trip break your relationship. Let the trip make your relationship.
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10 Relationship Tips For Traveling Couples
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keratoconusgroup · 6 years
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My Experience with epi-On CXL (CXLUSA)
I’ve read a lot of these types of posts, and think they are great. I didn’t see any that covered an experience with CXLUSA ‘s epi-on, so I figured I’d share mine. It’s really long, but I hope the thoroughness helps someone who’s just walking into KC and CXL. Hit me up with any questions! In 2015 I was diagnosed with keratoconus and didn’t think much of it because my vision was correctable with glasses and my doctor didn’t explain the disease to me. He vaguely mentioned some new treatment that was hitting the market and seemed leery of it. I did not realize that KC was progressive and during annual checkups, I’d keep getting a stronger prescription. In January, it was obvious that my eyes had gotten much worse. I asked what the treatment options were and he told me I was getting ahead of myself. I remembered he’d mentioned something called crosslinking at the last visit, so I went home and started researching treatment options on my own, and I’m so glad I did! Background I live in the US, am a 27y/o male with allergies and my wife informed me that I rubbed my eyes a lot more than I realized. Don’t rub your eyes! I am still able to function with glasses and understand that I am very lucky in that regard. My insurance is an HSA, so I’m used to paying for things out of pocket but was able to put away a fair amount of money to cover most expenses. I had just started a new job in January and had no vacation days saved up, so I was very concerned about how I could recover from CXL with no vacation days because everything I’d read said that recovery time takes about 2 weeks for epi-off. I was also concerned that the eye that didn’t receive treatment first would continue to progress as there is typically a 6-month gap between procedures. Through my research, I’d concluded that epi-off was the best option and began to research ophthalmologists near me that specialized in CXL. The closest I found was in Dallas (about 2.5 hours away from my house, unfortunately). I went with Cornea Associates of Texas because their website was very informative and they had great reviews online. My doctor, Dr. Alexander, is insanely smart, good at what she does, and is very reassuring. If you are in the area and have KC, I highly recommend her! She told me that they were a part of an FDA trial called CXLUSA and that she performed epi-on procedures with excellent success rates. She informed me that CXLUSA has been doing epi-on for years now but doesn’t have FDA approval. I pushed back saying that epi-off was all around better, and she said it was absolutely a proven technology, but that she has been getting great results from their special riboflavin. Additionally, the study will retreat at the cost of the materials if it doesn’t stabilize the cornea; however, they’ve only had to do a few retreats. She also told me that I could be back at work on Monday if I had the procedure done on a Friday and that she could do both eyes at the same time. From what I can tell, they don’t have approval because they refuse to do controls as they know that KC continues to get worse for most people, so they don’t want to give anyone a placebo pill so to speak. I’ll admit that I was still very skeptical about CXLUSA and kept doing research. I decided I wasn’t willing to treat both eyes at the same time just in case something went terribly wrong during the procedure; I’d still have one eye that I could work with for a while. Taking the worst first approach, I decided to have my left eye done first. I figured I’d give CXLUSA a shot and scheduled the first procedure for my left eye and only had to wait two weeks. However, I kept an appointment with another Dr. offering the FDA approved method as I planned to have my right eye done with the epi-off method once I could save up enough vacation days. The day of the procedure The day before the procedure, I woke up super early, went to work, did an intensive workout at the gym, and then intentionally only got about 4 hours of sleep that night to be as tired as possible so that I could sleep after the procedure. I went in on a Friday for the procedure, and they go in and randomly assign you to one of three groups. You all get the same riboflavin concoction, but the light exposure differs: Group 1: 4mW/cm2 light for 20 minutes Group 2: 6mW/cm2 for 20 minutes Group 3: 4 mW/cm2 for 30 minutes (this is apparently the best one) I was assigned to group 3 and was really excited as they said they had approximately a 99% success rate. They encouraged me to get both eyes treated at the same time as my chances of getting group 3 twice were low. I contemplated it but didn’t get both treated at the same time. For the most part, I wish I had… I then did a UCVA test (20/40) and BCVA (20/25) on the left eye. The procedure itself was a breeze. I listened to music and found the whole process fascinating. Afterward, my wife drove me to the hotel (as home is 2.5 hours away) and I took the prescribed painkillers and some Tylenol PM and passed out before the pain could set in. I’d say at worst my pain was a 5, even though they said it’d be more like a 9. I woke up a few times for eye drops and water but slept through most of the pain. The pain that annoyed me the most was the roof of my mouth. Did anyone else get that side effect? The next morning, I was still sensitive to light and was probably at a two in pain. I did my check up and saw 20/60 UCVA, but my eyes were so sensitive I couldn’t take the light and used the pinholes to get to 20/40. However, officially my vision was recorded as 20/60 since pinholes are cheating... By that evening I was feeling good enough to go out to eat with friends, but kept lots of eyedrops close by. I went back to work on Monday and experienced vision fluctuation (still do) and that’s frustrating but bearable. That left me with one eye untreated. I still planned to have epi-off done on my right eye, but a couple of things changed my mind. 1. Avedro announced they were moving forward with epi-on trials. That signaled a lot of credibility to epi-on CXL. I looked at the light exposure they are using and its much higher than what I had, so I imagine the pain level would be a bit more. I’m not a doctor though, so… 2. I was recovering nicely and having moments of stunning vision, but keep in mind that’s not the goal of this procedure. The most important thing is to halt the progression of KC. I had some foreign body sensation, but overall nothing to complain about. 3. The ghosting in my right eye started acting up more than I cared for about a week after my left eye was treated and it gravely concerned me. Since CXLUSA was an easy recovery time and my right eye was clearly getting worse, I went called to schedule the procedure. I was able to get the next procedure scheduled one month after my initial procedure. So I’m very pleased with the overall speed of CXLUSA and their ability to do CXL without a long wait. I was assigned to group 1 for my right eye and was discouraged that I didn’t get 3 again. They told me they still had great success with all of the groups, there was nothing I could do to get into 3, and I needed the procedure, so I went forward with it figuring that in the long run, my right eye might experience some progression. Still, group 1 CXL is still better than no CXL! I was shocked to find my UCVA in my right eye was 20/120 but was glad to see the BCVA still held at 20/20. The procedure was again a breeze, and I figured I’d have even less pain since I was getting less exposure to light this time. I was checked for epi abrasions afterward and didn’t have any. Once I got back to the hotel, I couldn’t sleep even with the Tylenol PM and pain started setting in. Pain that I hadn’t experienced before. After 7 hours, I was in agony every time I blinked. I took more painkillers and used the numbing drops this time. Only then was I able to get some sleep. I woke up the next morning still in pain and figured I’d developed an abrasion on my eye. I went in for the next-day follow-up, and they confirmed I had a tear. They explained that some people develop tears and others don’t, and they don’t know why. Sometimes people who have both eyes treated at the same time get a tear in only one eye and sometimes both. No real rhyme or reason, so keep that in mind if you are considering bi-lateral treatment. I cannot explain how good the eye bandage contact felt, talk about instant relief! Before they put the bandage in, I did my vision test. Annoyed with the pain, I rushed through the test and started to realize I was seeing way better than before. I could get to 20/40 UCVA (without the help of pinholes)!! That’s a miraculous improvement. I asked my doctor why, and she didn’t know why it was so good so soon. I was then told my vision would be blurry for weeks once my tear started to heal, but the worst of it was the first 48 hours after I got the contact bandage lens. After the 3 days, my bandage came out while I was putting in drops, so I had to start using a prescribed eye ointment until my one week follow up. It makes your vision very blurry for the first 30 minutes after application but after that it's tolerable. At my one week follow up, my doctor told me my abrasion had closed but that it would still be blurry for a few weeks as it was smoothing itself out. All the terms are relative. While I was there, they checked my left eye and I saw 20/40 UCVA and 20/20 with the pinholes (about the same). My right eye was 20/70 UCVA (some regression compared to the day after, but still much better than pre-op) and 20/40 with the pinholes. Again, vision improvement is not the goal of the procedure, but I have no other way of measuring how my eye is doing until they do the scan at 3 months. I still experience some fluctuation in my left eye, but not much. My right eye is changing a lot right now. At the 3 month mark, they do the eye topography, so I’m anxious to see how much my eye has changed and if it has flattened at all. They say you need to wait about a month before getting a new prescription and since I had my CXL spaced out, I figured I’d wait for my right eye to be a month removed from CXL before going to go to the optometrist. I’m looking forward to my new prescription, and yes, I have a new optometrist. One who is used to working with KC, and people who’ve had CXL. The overall cost of treatment was $2,900/eye (follow-ups included). Since this is not FDA approved yet, insurance won’t foot the bill. With that being said, they do offer financing if you need it. Considering this was a sight-saving procedure, I look at it as an investment and felt the money was well worth it. If money is an issue, I’ve heard that insurance is getting better at covering Avedro’s treatment. If you have KC, please don’t put off CXL!! submitted by /u/ch33rs17 [link] [comments] https://www.reddit.com/r/Keratoconus/comments/8ae7gz/my_experience_with_epion_cxl_cxlusa/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr
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