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#i remember when i got the hpv vaccine and the nurse had to check on me and ask if i was alright because i went really pale
shadowcay · 3 years
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Getting vaxxed tomorrow and I’m legit more worried about the jab itself rather than any potential side effects
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xseildnasterces · 2 years
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basket case.
I’m not sure why I am finding it so hard to find the time to write at the moment. I think part of it is simply not having the physical time. I’m constantly busy, and when I’m not busy I am beyond exhausted and unable to do absolutely anything at all. Aside from that, the last month or so has been pretty much hell on earth in terms of health. My body has not been happy. So much has happened these last few months, and I have just been beyond unwell to write about any of it. I guess the first place to start would be with my health. Buckle up, it’s going to be a long one.
General Health - As I write this, I am feeling horrendous. My arm weighs a tonne, I’ve struggled to do anything all day and ended up taking the afternoon off sick. I had my third covid shot yesterday and although I don’t feel as bad as I did with the second shot, I still don’t exactly feel wonderful. It feels tender and hot and there is some swelling both on the arm and the arm pit. It’s not nice. Regardless, I’m grateful to be in a country that has enabled me to have my third shot already, as other than my 97-year-old grandma no one else I know back home has yet that their third shot. The only reason I got mine is due to being immunocompromised, and due to the steroids, I have been taking for my IBD flare it made me even more at risk. But yes, at least shot three is done. I have my flu vaccine on Monday and my third dose of the HPV vaccine in November and then after that I hope I will be done with vaccinations for a while. That would be lovely. I also had to take a lateral flow test yesterday as I got alerted on the DC Contract Tracing app that I had been in direct contact with someone who had tested positively for covid on 7 October. Ironically, the only place I went that day was to get my weekly work covid test! Thankfully my test was negative, but I also ordered a PCR test to be sure, especially as I will be spending time with F and she is too young to be vaccinated.
IBD – Dealing with a flare up for the last month or so has been awful. Not only has it made me feel more isolated and even lonelier than normal, but it has also just made me feel constantly worried, and overly anxious. Losing excess amounts of blood is always worrying, but even more so when you are on your own and find yourself constantly in the ER! Let’s start right back at the beginning. I had started bleeding, at first only a little and although it was frustrating, I didn’t worry too much. However, it then got worse. I started losing more and more blood.
I contacted my IBD nurse and talked through everything that was going on and she told me that I needed to see the Dr… expect the next appointment wasn’t until the last day of November!! At the time that was almost two months away and there was no possibility whatsoever that I would be able to wait that long for someone to check if everything was okay. I was already well aware that everything was indeed NOT okay. Not only was I losing ridiculous amounts of blood, but I was now already suffering from intense stomach pain and cramps. I was majorly fatigued and unable to do most everyday activities. I couldn’t go to the office and to be blunt, I needed easy access to the bathroom at all times. I also couldn’t eat; I had constant nausea and was often also throwing up. It was absolute hell, and I was living it. Not being able to have any visitors from home also just made it even worse. Anyway, I dealt with it and just assumed I needed to wait until my appointment at the end of November… but then it got even worse.
It was the weekend, and I lost more blood than I ever have before. It left me feeling lightheaded and dizzy and I knew it wasn’t okay. I called the virtual doctor and as soon as I explained what was happening, they told me I needed to go straight to the ER. Unlike usual when I would almost die with anxiety I seemed to be running on adrenaline. It was late, if I remember correctly past 10pm, but I got dressed, packed myself a bag and headed straight to the hospital. Everyone at the hospital was lovely. All my doctors and nurses were women (I make a note of that now because of the difference the next time I went to the ER), and they were so lovely. They seemed to genuinely want to help me. They ran lots of different tests, but the majority came back normal. That was positive because it ruled things out, but it also meant that I needed a CT scan. I’ve never had a CT scan or an x-ray or anything like that before, so it made me anxious and worried about what they might find. Thankfully it just showed inflammation as expected and I was quickly able to set aside the other worries that were spinning through my head about every other possible illness I could have. A GI specialist came to see me and spoke through a lot with me. She was really lovely and super helpful and made me feel like I wasn’t wasting anyone’s time. She told me that I needed a colonoscopy as soon as possible. I knew that was going to be the case, but I guess I was just really hoping it wouldn’t be the case. I had been putting off having one for such a long time purely because I didn’t think I had anyone here that would be able to pick me up, so I was waiting for someone from home to visit, however, needs must and as there is no sign of anyone being able to visit any time soon, I asked H. It was silly really. I knew she would say ‘yes’ and be more than happy to help me out, but I have never really liked asking people for things and so I hadn’t – until I was basically desperate. I was in the hospital being monitored for a good few hours because my heart rate was elevated (anxiety), and my breathing was off, but eventually, somewhere in the early hours of the morning they let me go. I called first thing in the morning for an appointment. Due to it being seen as needing to be urgent I managed to get a slot within two weeks – I have no idea how long it would have been if it had not been deemed urgent! I had another call with my IBD nurse, and she prescribed me steroids. I have avoided steroids all my life. I panic about them making me put on weight or giving me the well know ‘moon’ face. Thankfully, I don’t think either happened and I came off them this week. That was a good day. Regardless, I was at a point when I had to do anything I was told if it was going to help make me better. They were supposed to start working the day after starting them… but they didn’t. I muddled through the week taking days off, and I note attempting to work from home. I went from working from the office almost every day, to essentially not leaving my apartment at all.
Anyway, things continued along the same lines, nothing was getting better, but nothing was getting worse either. I just felt like utter sh*te all the time. The day before my scope finally arrived and I had to do the horrendous prep. Oddly, here in the US you don’t get the prep on prescription. Instead, you get a list of everything that you need to buy from the pharmacy and a list of the order to take them in. 100% it was easier and so much better than the prep I have had to take before in the UK. Yes, it wasn’t nice, and it wasn’t easy, but it was just so much better than what I’ve had to do previously. Taking the prep is always an absolute horrendous process, but I got through it eventually. Here you take it in two batches. Once the night before and then the second the morning of the procedure. I didn’t like having to split it, but anyway it as done, and my body was essentially empty of everything. I later got told I had a perfect prep – so that was positive! So, I went in and the reception staff were pretty awful, but that seems to be the case in all countries, I got directed to where I needed to go and then I waited. Eventually a nurse came to collect me, I had my pre-procedure covid test, which was negative and then headed to wait for a bed. When a bed was ready, I was directed to get changed, answered a million and one questions and then awaited my IV being put in. This was when the first problem came. I have no idea what is wrong with my veins, but I have always had issues with anyone being able to draw blood from them or insert anything. Add having a phobia of veins to the equation and then you have a real problem. One nurse tried my hand, then my arm, she blew both veins… great. I was in so much pain I just wanted to cry. Another nurse came and blew another vein on my other arm and then they decided they would leave it to the anaesthesiologist when I got in the procedure room. Again, all the drs and nurses were lovely. I got wheeled through in my bed to the procedure room, met my procedure doctor and numerous other people who talked me through the procedure and everything else. Then I had two anaesthesiologists, one on each side, attempting to get my IV in. The one on my right tried two places, blowing the vein in my hand again which was so unexplainably painful, and then the person on my left finally managed to get in. The relief was unbelievable, but of course I was still in pain and knew that I’d be getting some pretty large unsightly bruises all over both arms. Other than that, I don’t remember much else except falling asleep and waking up in the recovery room where I waited for H to come and collect me and got offered shortbreads (one of my favourite biscuits) and water. I will never have a scope in the UK again – well, not whilst I live in the US. Here they completely knock you out. It was my first time ever under general anaesthetic. It’s the weirdest but most wonderful thing. My scope results showed some inflammation, but nothing that would indicate a flare… weird right? They took biopsies and I was told I’d hear the results of them in a few days. I did, and they showed deep inflammation at a cellular level that could not be seen with a human eye. At least that explained the flare up. They also told me there was nothing else causing issues, so it was purely just inflammation and a flare. That made me feel better. I was officially diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and advised that there was a good chance that I also had crohn’s.I expected this, yet it was still a bit miserable to hear. When I was initially diagnosed way back when I was diagnosed with IBD-U, so they were unsure of which disease it actually was, but I was also told then that there was a chance I had both, I guess they were right.
Bear in mind at this point I had barely left my apartment in a good few weeks. so I thought I was recovering and continued taking the steroids, but I started to feel better. So, the one day that I did go out with H and F, and had a wonderful time… I got home and started losing even MORE blood than before. I cried, I panicked, and I got right back on the phone to my doctor as I had been advised. And yep, you guessed it, back to the ER I had to go. This was a much more horrendous experience than I had had the last time. Firstly, I arrived around 1am in the morning and didn’t leave until around 2pm the next day. I spent the majority of that time in the waiting room with an IV in my arm after having my veins blow again twice. I was in pain and no one could tell me how long it would be. I went up to the reception on two occasions to find out that I had been accidently knocked off the list! I also hated being in the waiting room on a Saturday evening. It was filled with people who simply needed somewhere to hang out and I started getting constantly harassed by a guy there. Luckily, after a while I think it was clear I was uncomfortable, and a girl called over to me and said she had finished with her charger and I could use it. Life saver – women supporting women!! We had a brief chat and I thanked her before the guy came back over and wouldn’t leave either of us alone. Eventually he got asked to leave over something else, but security did nothing whilst he was clearly harassing us. I eventually got taken to a bed and all of the doctors and nurses were awful. They seemed like they couldn’t be bothered to help me, and one simply said, ‘I don’t know what to do with you’. They did my bloods again which came back normal and then the doctor did an internal examination which went way further in than the lady had done at my last visit to the ER. It hurt and felt so uncomfortable. I didn’t feel comfortable throughout this whole visit. I was glad that this was not my first visit as I would probably have never gone back. After almost 12 hours, no sleep, and a small amount of monitoring I was sent on my way and told to call my doctor again on Monday. It felt like a waste of time, and I’d only gone in because the doctor on the phone had told me too. The bleeding continued for the next few days and I felt so low and depressed because no one was helping me and there was nothing I could do. Eventually, the steroids clearly kicked in, the bleeding decreased, and I started to feel better. I’ve now been off the steroids for almost a week, I have no bleeding and I am hopefully finally back in remission… until next time my body decides to fight against itself…
[Blog title: Basket Case - Green Day].
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