#i respect the aro label

[privateolives]

This is probably because I grew up watching 24/7 animal planet, but what finally made the allo/aplatonic thing click for me were the nature's of big cats.

Lions are powerful, regal creatures who are uniquely adapted to pack life. They need these connections to live a healthy life; A lonely lion is a miserable creature indeed.

Jaguars are solitary, beautiful creatures who live happily solitary. They prowl their lush world with self-sufficient majesty. A jaguar is not lonely without a pack. In fact, forcing jaguars to share space with others they do not enjoy is just as damaging as forcing a lion to live alone.

A lion may choose to head out on it's own for the most part, but in the end must return to the pack to thrive. A jaguar can choose to trust and enjoy the company of others, but they never feel the need to form a pack.

Is a jaguar selfish for this? A psychopath, a narcissist or any other such horrid assumptions? Is it a less moral creature than a lion, who seeks others like it to thrive?

Is a lion pathetic, or needy, or selfish for wanting community? For requiring contact with others like they require water? For their inherent need to string complicated webs of relationships that may seem silly or dramatic to others?

Of course not. These are ridiculous questions to even ask.

They are simply lions and jaguars.

In fact, is a jaguar that chooses to spend time with you not as magical as a lion's love? For a creature that needs no bond to thrive to still enjoy your presence enough to share it a time? Is a lion who can prowl the night alone not impressive in its strength and resilience? Is it not awe-inspiring in its ability to conquer a life it was never wired for and reign still?

Are they not both beautiful and awe-inspiring in their own ways, without being wrong?

Alloplatonics. Aplatonics. Are we not both special and beautiful in both our bonds and self-confident happiness equal, in each our ways? Is there not unique beauty in lifelong bonded packs and magical encounters that need no perpetuity to carry life forward?

Are we not but lions and jaguars? Neither wrong, neither selfish, but just different and beautiful creatures in each our ways?

That's how I've come to see it, anyway.

#lgbt #aspec #lgbtqa+ #asexual #aromantic #aroace #loveless #aplatonic #alloplatonic #animals #I woke up at like 3 in themmorning to write this so I apologise for weird wording #I'm not awake enough to go hunting for the videos but if you want to see more about the equal majesty and difference in cats bonding #I suggest looking up Kevin Richardson's work with lions and panthers #I love animals. I hope I didn’t come off as degrading to anyone by using them as comparison #I can assure you the association only carries the deepest respect from me. #anyway all the aro discourse floating about made me think of this issue again #and how explaining allo/a-platonic needs has been a difficult task in the past #you're all valid no matter your labels or shapes or spots or manes #remember that when an orientation you don't understand comes to the lgbtable your job isn't to test them #it's to make room

[redysetdare]

People who identify as Aspec because of trauma are still Aspec. People who identify as Aspec because of Dysphoria are still Aspec People who realized later on they weren't Aspec where are any less Aspec when they were identifying as it. The point is that at some point they related to and felt understood under an Aspec identity and that's all you need to be Aspec. If it changes later on then that's just how it is, it doesn't make them a faker or poser. It makes them a human being who is constantly growing and understanding more about themselves. We should be supporting these people not treating them as the enemy. If they change their minds then that's okay!

So many of us Aspec people used to think we were allo before realizing we weren't so why are we attacking others for having the same experience just with different identities?

#text #aro #ace #aroace #aspec #aromantic #asexual #this also includes people who don't change their labels at all who are aspec from trauma and dysphoria too #but the post mostly is targetting those who push the idea that these people will change their mind later #or they can be fixed from it and thus shouldn't identify as aspec #you all deserve respect and you are not our enemy #you are part of our community and we should be supporting you through your journey of self discovery #this includes other aspec identities too but I mostly see this argument used against people saying they are aro or ace #but im sure people who experienced trauma and dyphoria have also identified under other a-attractions as well due to it

[cowboylikeghost]

so....turns out i'm not as aromantic or asexual as i thought, i might take a little time away from this app. I do think i'm still on both spectrum but i've been feeling new things lately and i think i might be a lesbian. I identified as loveless and non-partnering for a long time now so it's pretty hard having your whole world put upside down. Take care everyone !

#yeah #there's a lot going on at the moment #i'll come back soon #i hope #:) #asexual #aromantic #ace #aroace #aro #asexuality #aromantism #queer #lgbtqia #lesbian #remember it's okay to change over time #no label is definitiv #but you still need to respect everyone's la el #label #*

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

That post about everything being "Nah" I felt in my core. I'll always respect people who identify differently but when they ask me "what's your pronouns?" Or "where do you lie romanticaly?" I'm just "eh call me whatever you want I guess" or *I don't feel romantically for much anything" maybe cause online people always thought I'm one gender and irl people always thought I was the other so I just responded with "sure I guess"

and it's honestly such an easier way to live ngl... like when it comes to people who Know that i use they/them, it hurts to hear my given pronouns. but when it comes to strangers and just people who i haven't told, it's like... "yeah. ok. ill put on this hat" it feels a bit like a performance. it feels Mischievous, even! ohoho, they've been Tricked!

#which is Equally funny when i get 'misgendered' the other way. actually its More So #its so delightful. the sheer joy of having genderfucked myself to the point where people get it wrong in the Opposite way #ive had moments where i was confidently referred to with the 'wrong' set until i opened my mouth #and then theres The Face Of Terror and them scrambling to use the 'correct' set while visibly dying inside #ITS SO FUNNYYYYYY #this is my gender. fucking with people Is My Gender i have just realized #my goal every time i leave the house is to make people go '?????' #GODDDDD I LOVE NOT CARING ABOUT GENDER ALL THAT MUCH ITS SO FUCKING FUN #like yeah. sure youre wrong but lmfao whatever im vibing #rambles from the bog #im a bit less excited about being aroace purely bc i know the stigma around it #and ive heard So Many disheartening stories about aro/ace folks getting rejected/shunned in queer spaces #like there's a queer bar i wanna go to but now im. less enthused because someone Will hit on me im confident about that #and flirting is fun but like... man i dont wanna lead anyone on but- #sorry sorry i didnt mean to start Worrying Out Loud lmao #but no yeah i respect strong gender feels and labels but like. Eh! Im Just Me! #i use nonbinary bc technically Yea and also the flag fucks <3

[myello-there]

GRRRRRR I AM GOING TO BE SOO AROMANTIC LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE

AGGRESSIVE REMINDER THAT ASPECS ARE INHERENTLY QUEER BECAUSE OF THEIR ASPEC IDENTITIES

((not actually angry, just shouting))

#aromantic #hi im aroace and i demand respect #if there is anything that evokes me aggression it is amatonormativity #and arophobia #other than that happy pride month!! #aro #queer #also no one has to use the label queer it is up to oneself👍 #myellospeaks

[feralchaoschild]

friendly reminder that loveless aros don't want or need to be pitied

we are not lacking anything

we are experiencing the world differently and it shapes the way we feel &/or how we handle/name our feelings

it's okay to not understand it but it's not okay to not respect it

#loveless aro #aromantic #honestly lately im pretty annoyed by the concept of love #and I'm more and more using loveless aro for myself #like my feelings havent changed or anything just how i name them #lovepunk also works as a label for me #but yea #respect us #like i can understand that it can be hard to understand loveless as a 'concept' but still #dont give me pity about it

[just-aro]

kinda curious - what are the parts of what you perceive as aro culture that you most and least vibe with? current or past.

I really vibe with the parts of the aro community who examine the complexities of navigating the world as an aro person - especially within the context of being loveless, apl, and/or experiencing sexual attraction. each part of those groups has brought me comfort and healing from social wounds I hadn't been aware ran so deep. i could identify some threads of hurt - but untangling them took both personal work and community to connect with.

on the other side of things, i find it quite difficult to relate to aros who wanted romance and marriage and the classic tale of a romantic life. this isn't to say that i dislike the people - just that i cannot seem to vibe with it on any level. even when i tried to be in romantic relationships, to find peace in the idea of a long-lasting romantic relationship, to want what others (especially my partner) wanted - i was so deeply uncomfortable. i felt sick when i imagined marriage, or being "together forever". i have no idea how to relate to dreaming of having that, and being devastated by not feeling the romantic attraction to lead down that path.

do y'all feel like certain aro groups, topics, or things in general are particularly easy or hard to relate to?

#aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #it's just something i was thinking about #like... i sometimes get asked about certain experiences and it's just wildly different than my personal stuff #esp because i am a quitter lol. i tried those things ^ but was like hm no thanks pretty fast #also like. romance favorable/indifferent/repulsed as identities???? how and why #it's emotions??? #like? they happen depending on so many factors that i don't see how i could label myself with one #despite the fact that i easily label myself as sex favorable overall lmao #romance stuff feels more complicated in that respect

[shiocreator]

Are you aro or just supportive?

Aggressively supportive because theyre literally just standing there man, deserve the cake they eat and to live in that woods cabin with cats, sounds rad as fuck man

#salt speaks #Anonymous #I feel like i yearn for a romantic relationship too much to be aro/lh #I know some people probably do even when aro BUT it doesnt feel like me so like #I dont think i'd use that label. i dont specify in tags cuz like #They probably dont wanna know or arent very interested in me sayin stuff unless specified or smthn #Idk #i support and respect aros and aces tho #Whole bunch #Let them eat garlic bread #Theyre doing nothing and im cheering for em #I mean that incredibly affectionately btw you go girl(gender nuetral)

[pinkseas]

idk ive been learning a lot more about the concept of being loveless and loveless aro stuff in general and it just. resonates with me so much? which is weird bc ive always considered myself to hold so much love and to be so filled with it and im CONSTANTLY talking about my love for things and people. but it feels almost more realistic to describe those things differently? as care and as passion and as having so much emotional significance without needing to be love. none of it needs to be love and i like that. i like that a lot its really important to me that it doesnt have to be love

#idkidk #so much respect and care for loveless aros genuinely #idk if i ever would or will label myself as loveless specifically idk if i have the right?? #but smth abt it is just. man. #which again feels so silly from a girl CONSTANTLY talking about love but #alyalyoxenfree

[forbiddennhoney]

16%!

16% Where do you meet queer folks to date? Do you find it difficult?

so I'm not actively dating right now cause honestly I'm so stressed and busy I know i cant healthily maintain multiple romantic relationships rn but when i was actively dating i honestly just used dating apps & slid into ppls DMs really anywhere if i found them interesting and wanted to know them more. now if i was actively dating I'd probably do the same but also toss in the queer events that are in my city as viable options as well

idrk if I'd say its difficult meeting queer folks to date (bc i am attractive and caring and i know this and im confident abt it and ppl see that and like that a lot) but i will confidently say its frustrating bc like. there's a scary amt of queer ppl in their mid 20s (the age group i, a mid 20s dyke, am most likely to date) who talk the talk of compassion, boundaries, etc but still behave with such entitlement to ppls time & bodies (which is a big no-no for me) and often times these ppl not only will ride up on boundaries but will very clearly break communicated boundaries and not take accountability for their actions or even really apologize or acknowledge they've caused harm and thats gross! also the queer ppl ive met since i was like 22 have a tendency to use me as a therapist or a replacement mom and its exhausting so yknow. not really rushing to meet ppl

#personal #i also have a complicated relationship with dating bc of the amt of trauma i have experienced in my life #some ppl label my dating habits as being part of a aro/demi experience but idrk if i claim those labels cause its trauma baed #and I NEED to be real friends w the person I date not like 'friends' yknow? #there also is the struggle ig of being fat brown and disabled but like #if ppl dont respect me i am literally just gonna block them and move on LMAO

[sammydem0n64]

Tbh fellas my identity has reached a point of true “idgaf” (it has been like this for months actually. Lolz.) Thinking abt it gives me brainrot. Pronouns? Idc call me whatever. Gender? I am not a man that’s all I got. Sexuality? Idk. I don’t wanna date people tho!!!!!!!!! I don’t wanna find myself!!!!!!!!!!!! I am Aaliyah sammydem0n64 and I am autistic and that’s it‼️‼️‼️‼️

#could have a serious thing abt this but. ew #been on my mind for a while now and it’s 2 am so I get to have introspective rambles #labels r hard. sexuality and gender is a spectrum. I’ve never cared abt pronouns but they/she is easier #maybe there’s a fear that if I’m cis or something people won’t like me for having queer characters #maybe my peers won’t respect me anymore bc boooooooooo to non queer people yucky yucky #but also I don’t think. I’m cishet I don’t think so #but also I just don’t know and idk if I’ll ever know bc I guess I don’t know how!!!!!! #I’ve had 1 romantic relationship and even then we mutually broke up bc we realized we were just best friends #and got platonic relationships mixed up with romantic #and I haven’t wanted a relationship since lol #am I aro? idk. I find people attractive. I just don’t wanna date people rn and maybe that’ll change #am I a woman? idk. I like having boobs. I call myself a woman. but am I one? fuck if I know #like I said I’m just not a man. I’m not a man solely #I don’t identify as one and won’t bc I’m not that. but that’s the only solid #but idk if I’m non-binary. I’ve identified as that for so long that perhaps there’s a fear that I’ll be looked down on for ‘detransitioning’ #i don’t know what I am. I’m just me. I go by any pronouns and I like a wide range of fictional characters over several genders #unlabeled for the win I guess but also being ‘unlabeled’ has inherented turned into a label. so #I’M JUST AALIYAH SAMMYDEM0N64‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ #I don’t think this is a vent I’m being silly with it + plus it’s introspection with mentioned fear. I’m just rambling #lol anyways 😋😋😋😋

[redysetdare]

Tbh I don't find other forms of attraction important enough for me to identify them myself. That doesn't mean that others who do are stupid for doing so. It doesn't mean people identifying their inability to feel those attractions are stupid for doing so.

I don't see a reason to say if I feel platonic attraction or not, but aplatonic ppl do and should be able to label that without pushback or ppl saying it doesn't matter. It matters to them and that's the point of these labels. We should support them instead of silencing them.

#text #just because not everyone uses the SAM doesnt meant that Split attractions are wirthless #people can express tgeir a-attraction if they feel its important to them #it matters to them so it matters to me because i respect their want for a label they identify with #we vannot fall into aphobic ideas of 'it doesnt matter' against our own community #we r all in this together #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #aroace #aplatonic #split attraction #split attraction model #idk any other big a-attractions in terms of how you would spell them #but u are all included #ily my aspec buddies :)!!! #aspec

[colemckenzies]

I think part of the ~q slur discourse~ is that a lot of people go down the 'my existence isn't a political statement' route and queerness IS inherently political

#ive said before that the main reason i explicitly identify as aro and don't really focus on any other defining labels #is bc for me aromanticism is partially an ideological thing #like some people just want 2 be in love w their partner and live quietly and i completely respect that. #but i want to dismantle the way we societally treat and value different types of relationships #and specifically how that intersects w and derives from capitalism. hope this helps <3

[genspiel]

thinking about using the tag "aspecs" moving forward instead of "aro and/or ace". just fyi

#tre yells into the void #so if you follow me and have “aro and/or ace” muted for whatever reason you might want to mute “aspecs” now too #there's a few reasons i kinda want to do this #a major one being the number of aromantic posts that say “do not tag as ace” #and i know that in my original tag the “or” there does mean it's not necessarily ace #but i feel like it would be more respectful to just not have it in the tag at all if i'm gonna be reblogging those...??? idk #“aspecs” is also more inclusive of things that are in various places along the aro and ace spectra + tertiary labels etc. #idk. maybe i'm just overthinking things. but ykw this is my blog and i can do whatever i want here. so. -w-

[aptericia]

Not proud to be here.

--

Ok, here goes draft like 5 of this fucking post. I spent 4 hours tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this, and then this morning I found a tumblr post that really helped me understand what I was trying to say.

The post talks about how aromantic "advocates" claim that "aros don't take up resources, so there's no reason not to include them!" And if that's actually what people believe, I think I can finally articulate why it is that I feel so alienated in queer spaces.

It's because aspecs in general aren't "welcomed" by much of the queer community. We're tolerated. We perhaps get the luxury of not being contradicted on our own identities, or not being specifically kicked out of LGBTQ-only spaces, but that's the whole point: what we get out of the queer "community" is people NOT doing things, not actually doing things FOR us. And that, frankly, is not enough. We deserve conversations about us. We deserve to have others consider our feelings, even when making lighthearted jokes. We deserve varied, respectful representation in media. We deserve the active deconstruction of amatonormativity in society. We deserve to have space made for us, rather than at most being told we should "go take up more space!" ourselves.

Of course, the reality is that my being aspec is a personal matter that does not inherently affect anyone else. But the same can be said for literally any queer identity. Your being gay doesn't say anything about me, so of course I shouldn't hurt you for it, but why should I help you either? Because your happiness and comfort are important. The same goes for aspecs.

And most of the time, I don't even need anyone to make space for or expend resources on me; I can live fine in everyday, non-queer-specific places without mentioning my identity at all. But it's the queer community that claims it will make that space for me, doesn't, and then acts defensive and morally pure if I call out the hypocrisy because "we're queer too, you can't erase our identities to advocate for yours!!!!"

Again, this post isn't about specifics. I have queer friends who are incredibly thoughtful and supportive about my identity, just as I have non-queer friends who are. I find more solidarity in aspec-only communities, as well as trans/genderqueer ones, although there are still many exceptions. This post is also not about amatonormative ideology, which is extremely common from queer and non-queer people alike. This post is about the reason I've felt so betrayed by the queer community.

--

On a personal note, I remember being so excited when I started identifying as aromantic (and later asexual). Fitting myself into labels has been a lifelong struggle for me; to this day I still can't confidently say if I'm White or PoC, neurotypical or neurodivergent, abled or disabled, cisgender or not cisgender. I continue to struggle making friends because I don't fall into social cliques. To discover that I officially, certainly, was LGBTQ+ lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. And now I'm just so sad to find that despite that, I'm still stuck in the middle. I didn't get rewarded with a community. I still feel alienated from both queer and non-queer people. I know it was silly to get my hopes up when there's such vast diversity in both groups, but it really was a disappointment. Going to my first Pride parade last year was really the moment where I realized this.

#my art #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia #queer #aromantic #aro #aromantic asexual #aroace #aspec #social commentary #aro tag #eyestrain #<- idk? #kissing #long post #aphobia #arophobia #vent art

[gdsplicer]

I'm seeing a influx of people using the wording "aroace spectrum" as opposed to aspec, or using aroace as if it covers all aros and aces, like...

Do I really have to explain why that's not as inclusive a move as you'd think it is?

If someone addressed me, a aro, as "under the aroace spectrum", I would be questioning their allyship even if they themselves are aspec because no where in that's sentence did I say I'm also ace.

Using that wording instead of aspec is as much dismissive and hurtful to non-ace aros as it does when people shove our aromanticism under asexuality without thinking on why it's not helpful or disrespectful.

I feel so strongly on demanding that aroness and aceness is seen as separate, on demanding proper recognition and respect for aroallos and non-SAM aros, on demanding that my aroness is seen as enough on its own because calling me ace or aroace is erasure on my identity; It pushes the wrong narrative and box onto my experiences. It promotes misunderstandings on not just aromanticism but also asexuality. It treats my label something not worthy of taking up space in the aro community, in the aspec community, in the queer community.

Stop using 'aroace' or as the umbrella word to cover the aspec community.

#aromantic #queer #this is the one time I encourage #asexual #aroace #aspec #folks to talk about this or tag as ace cos this is a aspec community problem and we all could address how using aroace like this is not hel #maybe I'm being a lil nitpicky on this but I can't be the only one annoyed when this happens #also since we're trending rn why not get a important message out to those still not getting it when we say “aro ≠ ace”