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sickvacuum · 3 months

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Oh I gotta know more about "a bar…? Like in music?"

Cuz as a musician too i am like "Yes, which bar we talking about?" haha

right off the bat I’m rlly not that much of a musician I’m self taught and just help lead small youth bands n stuff hahah BUT

yeah this is age swap too! This was basically how Teru and Mob meet after their fight together, which is at a bar! Except I’m not old enough to drink and have never set foot in any type of rowdy bar, so it’s mostly formed after movies and things I’ve heard lol.

I’ll add some of it here too cause I like it, I might end up posting this on ao3 at some point in time? I’d just have to explain the context haha. Basically, Pre SnS, Mob worked at a museum. He has the typical repression of his emotions and dislike of using his powers, though he also has a lot of fear surrounding alcohol because in high school he was invited to a party and the people there spiked his drink to get a reaction out of him. In this, Mob got a call to exorcise a spirit at a bar!

Oh and Teru’s scar is from their fight, not from Claw lol. A poor man’s substitute for having his hair shaved off.

—

The sooner he found this spirit, the sooner he could get out and go home.

Focusing on the feeling of the aura, Mob traced it back to its source. It was vaguely familiar, but in a way he couldn’t place. It was similar to how most spirits come across. Full of tumultuous feelings that Mob had a hard time tracking. Hints of anger, notes of distaste, and fear seeped out of the source, clouding the air in another level of confusion for Mob to try and read.

But one thing that Mob could sense clearly from the way it throbbed throughout the crazed energy in the room was that it was in pain.

With a soft frown, Mob pushed through the crowd once again, navigating closer to the actual bar seats. He paused once he could see a good view of the people sitting around, watching the bartenders make drinks for the people who ordered and chatting with customers.

He could feel that the aura was located here, but he had a hard time telling where the spirit was. There wasn’t any tell-tale sign of a glowing glob, which made Mob worry that this would be one that he would have to use thought to exorcize. He could barely think straight with the music and voices pounding into his skull! How was he going to focus on using his abilities?

76%

None of the people seemed to be possessed, which was good.

Oh— well, maybe that one guy? Oh, no, he’s walking away now… ummm…

There weren't that many people left at the bar. A man and a woman were chatting it up, both of their words slurred and their actions uncoordinated as they attempted to flirt. Well, what Mob assumed was flirting. It was extremely hard to tell.

At the other end of the bar was a small group of men who appeared to come from after work, all clanking their drinks and making continuous toasts whenever they could think of something remotely praise worthy.

Sandwiched in the middle was the frame of a young man slumped over onto the counter, his head pillowed on an arm and his finger lazily twirling the ice in his drink. His medium length blond hair hid any defining traits that Mob might’ve been able to pick out.

Maybe he should just try and talk to the bartender. That way he didn’t have to interrupt the strange courting session, nor try and talk to the intimidating work group. And he figured waking up an almost sleeping person wouldn’t be good etiquette, especially since the reactions of drunk people weren’t ones that Mob liked to experience.

Mob glanced around before he walked forward and sat down in the chair next to the blond. The bartender noticed his presence and came over as he dried off a recently used glass. “What can I get for you?” He asked, setting the glass down and tapping his fingers on the counter.

79%

“N-nothing, thank you—“ Mob winced as the businessmen gave an uproarious cheer, the sharp clanking noises piercing Mob’s ears.

The bartender gave the men a quick look that went unnoticed before turning back to Mob. “Alright.”

Mob fiddled with the cuff of his coat sleeve, looking at the groups and people around him. “Have- have you seen any sign of spiritual activity going on tonight?” He asked the man, raising his soft voice so that he could be heard.

The bartender sighed (more with his body and less with his voice since subtle things like that got missed in the noise) and shook his head. “The only ‘spiritual activity,’” he grumbled, making air quotes, “comes from him.” He nodded to the blond next to Mob, who had fallen asleep with his finger still in his cup. “He’s a psychic from what he’s told me. Normally he doesn’t bother anyone with his abilities though.”

Mob glanced over at the man next to him, watching the shallow rise and fall of his back. “A psychic?’ He repeated, his voice wavering.

What was a psychic doing in a place like this? Clearly his powers were doing something. How… how could he not know how dangerous it is to be drunk as a psychic? That— he— Mob couldn’t even fathom the idea of willingly doing this! This- This man could destroy everything around him!

84%

“Like I said, he’s normally pretty good at not flying things around,” the bartender said again. He hesitated. “Though, he has had more to drink than usual today.”

Mob frowned and nodded in thanks to the man before he was called off to go assist the couple.

He turned to look at the fellow psychic next to him and pressed his lips together. He tried to reach out with his aura to get a read on the other’s, but the moment he released it the slightest bit, Mob’s hair shot straight up and he gasped. He reeled back in his abilities as fast as possible, his heart hammering in his chest.

As if on cue, someone knocked into him and shoved him so far forward that his chin slammed on the counter. Mob clamped down a yelp while the person pushed off of him and continued on their merry way.

88%

He wanted to go home. He wanted to get away from this overstimulating mess and lay in bed under his warm covers and hide from everyone else in the world for a few precious hours. But he was stuck here with a psychic who— who must not care for anyone around him!

“Excuse me,” Mob started, reaching a tentative hand out but stopping before touching the man. He leaned a little forward, bringing his face closer to the where the man’s hair blocked his own. “Are you awake?”

He watched the blond strands flutter slightly, the absence of response being taken as a no.

Mob nudged his shoulder only for the melting ice cube in his cup to fly towards his face. Mob let the cold square smack him in the forehead, freezing water mixed with whiskey dripping down his nose and cheeks. His trembling hand pulled the ice away from him and set it down on the table, wiping his face off with his sleeve as he desperately tried to keep his rising feelings down. He could feel his skin prickling and his aura beginning to leak into the area around him, causing the edges of his clothing to rise.

H-he wasn’t even drinking and he wasn’t able to control himself. The man who was black out drunk was better than he was.

He had to get out. He had to get out or else some- something awful would happen and- and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself! He— he had gone through this before, he should know better! He should’ve known better than to even step foot in this place, but here he is! Putting everyone around him at risk!

He’s so dangerous— He’s so incredibly dangerous and he has too—

“You’re nngh…messing up my mood,” the man next to him groaned, his words slurring as he inhaled deeply.

Mob froze and looked back at him, watching as the man stretched his arms out in front of him, his forehead pressed to the counter. “Your aura’n’ shit is bother’n me…”

Mob straightened and got off his bar stool, his legs feeling like jelly. “Your psychic abilities are causing a disturbance,” Mob informed him as professionally as he could. His voice shook as he felt his insides being torn up by electricity that he couldn’t let go. “We need to leave—“

“Do I know youu?” The blond asked, sitting up slowly. “Youuu—” he sang, turning towards him and flashing a grin. “—sound familiar.”

92%

The little bit of color in Mob’s face drained away as he realized who the esper was.

It was hard not to recognize him. He still had the charming smile plastered on his face, and his medium-length blond hair still looked perfect despite being messed up from his stupor. He had the unforgettable electric blue eyes that hid who knows how many insecurities behind them. But the most notable to Mob was the fresh scar that traced up Hanazawa’s cheek and curved around his nose. The one that ‘ruined’ his face, the one that was talked about in celebrity news, and the one that Kageyama had given him.

It was Teruki Hanazawa. The man who fought his way into Mob’s life and seemed unable to find a way out of it.

—

That’s a lot to share ahah, especially out of context… oh well

#Once again not really editing #That’s so much I’m so sorry akdhj #ygodmyy20 #mp100 #teruki hanazawa #shigeo kageyama #age swap au

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nyoomfruits · 3 months

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I got questions. What is your writing process? What inspires you? How do you plan out the scenes? How do you create the dialogues? Just for research purposes, how long did it take you to write love you with the lights on? I am a big fan of your writing, if that isn't obvious 😘

HI I LOVE QUESTIONS THANK YOU

What is your writing process?

I'll talk a bit more about my planning process later but it's essentially. Get idea. Brainstorm idea with friends (this is essential. it helps me go from a ~vibe to an actual plot). Write outline. Make playlist. Start writing fic.

As for the actual writing i love love love using sprints because they help me focus (luckily i have both a discord server and a discord gc that have people in it i can sprint with, and sometimes i just sprint one on one with a friend) but to be honest with you i am VERY easily distracted so while i could probably write more, i usually don't manage more than like 2 or 3k a day. once i did 5k and my friends were like Who Are You. Oh and also tea. And a snack. Those are essential to the writing process too

What inspires you?

Anything? Everything? love you with the lights out was based on a prompt i got a while back. already home was just because i love fake relationship aus and i wanted to do something different with it for landoscar. idk i dont think i rlly have one thing that always inspires me specifically??? i just Get Ideas lmao

How do you plan out the scenes?

Usually when I get an idea it's mostly vibes, so then I bring it to my friends like a cat with a dead mouse and i drop in on their doorstep and go "how about this" and then we talk about it for a bit and i'm like "GREAT YES YOURE RIGHT I CAN WORK WITH THIS" and then i write a very rough outline.

I do always try to have every single one of my scenes Mean Something? like it either teaches you something about the character or furthers the plot. There's a lot of stuff that got cut from love you with the lights out that objectively would've been cute or fun to do but didn't really add anything to the overarching story.

anyway the outline changes very often throughout writing , when i feel like a scene doesn't fit anymore or needs to do Something Else than what i originally intended for it, so i'm not rlly married to the outline. it just helps me keep focused and also i'm very forgetful so otherwise i forget where i was going with the story lmao

How do you create the dialogues?

THIS IS THE HARDEST QUESTION IM SO SORRY but i just??? write dialogue??? dialogue is one of the easiest part of writing for me which means its the hardest part for me to explain haha. it just comes rlly natural to me

How long did it take you to write love you with the lights on?

i looked it up and the first mention of me actually writing this fic in the gc was on the 26th of november and i posted it on 9th of january so roughly a month?? which is pretty standard for my longer fics. already home took me two months but only because i took two vacations in between lmao

#sorry if none of this is actualy helpful or makes any sense my writing process is mostly just. i write alkdalskd #but thank you this was fun <3

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fumiku · 1 year

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Chlonath wips

I have so many Chlonath art and fic wips… I am such a slow writer and I’ve had most of these written down for like 2 years, so I wanna share most of their premises now in case I never get around to them! For joy and prosperity and whatnot, if someone wants to write one of these just ask me first! Someone needs to feed the chlonath masses. My next fic is going to be the camping one I think~

My fave picks:

Your majesty: Despite his bright fiery hair, he was all too easy to erase, to fade into the background. Garish, but unmemorable. Talented, but lame. Chloe decides to change that, takes him on as a pet project as fashion coordinator. "Come on, look at yourself! That hair, those eyes. You were *made* to pop! Everyone’s eyes would turn to you when you’re in the room!" He flushes, was that how she saw him? "But I don’t *want* to be the center of attention..." She smirks confidently/slyly. "Well too bad! Chloe Bourgeois will make a peacock out of this ugly little duckling!". Much later there’s a much quieter, sweeter scene of him voicing not wanting to be that different or flashy and she takes out some accessories that suit and enhance his style, comfy and like him. Eventually oop! She rlly needs a date and it’d go with her pet project, "besides you could use this for networking". "Hm? Oh yeah, a half up half down ponytail would look cute on you, in a street kind of way. But bangs in your face can go for cool and mysterious too. It can give you some personality that goes with or contrasts with your outfit, I guess. But this *is* still a fancy event, so a simple well-groomed swept aside style would keep it prim and formal, and it *is* your first entry into high society... But I *suppose* if you do your big debut with the aesthetic you’ll keep with, it’ll probably help your brand long term, attract the right kind of contract for you right away-" "Wow, where was all this perspective when you were doing the analysis on the blue curtains?" She smirks, "I have more experience in keeping up appearances —and everything it entails— than you think, apparently"

Everything else under spoiler bc I have tons of prompts haha

Chloe becomes designer & coordinator, director, for marc & Nath’s comics! She loves outfit coordinating, set designing, composition etc. Marc handles the writing and Nath the drawing, Chloe helps with the visual design. It starts with Chloe suggesting lil things to Nath when she sees his drawings, like add a common accessory to all the team. And since she was queen bee she can fact check some things. He loses his sketchbook while walking and she picks it up, not in her usual mood, n she sees his sketches and starts rattling off about details and fashion. Nath: "oh I- I’m not very knowledgeable in fashion designing..." she looks him up and down, taking his garish outfit in. "That I could have guessed." He huffs, sarcastic "Well, *thank you*, Chloe. That’s not a half bad idea, I could ask Marinette for some designing help, actually!" He lights up at that idea. She grits her teeth, angry and snatches his sketchbook back. She starts drawing on another page and her drawing isn’t really good but the ideas? Wow, they work. Chloe knows her aesthetics. "Stupid Marinette would *not* know how to arrange queen wasp’s hair, thank you very much. Ugh, this is outrageous! Utterly outrageous! You can keep the changes, and keep your god awful awfully thought out designs out of my sight, next time!" With his open sketchbook shoved back into his hands, he stares down at it n truly appreciate it. Wow, this is some serious good job. He thinks about it, kinda smug, oh I can *definitely* play her. He starts leaving his sketchbook behind on purpose n she starts giving him more and more notes when sabrina isn’t around. At some point she comes to the art room and everyone is silent but she’s shy and makes an effort not to be mean. The art dude takes her a bit under his wing and she starts channeling her time n energy into art, peeps of the art room start tolerating her. She takes Marc under her wing confidence wise, and sabrina tags along and rediscovers a love for scrapbooking. Omll marc & sabrina besties qpr cuties?

Pas de deux: they have a random ballet class in PE and they get paired up for the project and chloe 1) wants a good grade for her dad’s rep 2) is goal-oriented 3) has much less barb when teaching. Also prob a sad side note about impressing her mother with ballet classes as a kid.

But Are the Curtains Blue or Just Your Tear-stained Veil: Nathaniel tended to notice things, notice people. To dissect them, as if they were a comicbook character. What was surprising about Chloe is that while her attitude was bolsterous and always seemed so heated, her eyes were like ice, distant. A deep blue, and curtained off, like she could not let anyone else see what they hid. But Chloe was mean and cruel, and sometimes, Nathaniel dug too deep at wasn’t there. Maybe, they were just blue. He always came back at the mystery of her, though, and was pushed and pulled in a one-sided dance with her like the come and go of waves. //Maybe they just weren’t any curtains, whatever that meant. Maybe he was making everything up. Tags: kinda like The Girl Of the Train tbh

Name ideas:

Buzz off

Sweet as honey: What chloe turns out to love in a man is how sweet he can be

Renaitre

Esquisse

Preen my feathers (peacock holder Nath + motif with Chloe & appearances)

Quick ideas:

"I’ve spent so long hoping to be saved, that it feels weird to save people."

Chloe realizes her mother will never love her, or even respect her. Everything changes. //She lets herself be and experience pain and failure

By fake dating chlonath can make adrienette jealous! A scene: chloe tightens her grip on his arm with a crestfallen gaze at adrienette, nath is like ...? and realize Chloe hated Marinette bc abandonment issues

Sabrina chews chloe out and is done with her when they were on an outing, chloe runs into the nearest building, a museum, to hide and cry her eyes out. She bumps into Nath, and a friendship goes from there.

Ever since nath learned chloe is queen bee, he calls her stuff like yes your stinginess.

Nath brings chloe to a emo concert to throw her off, all hell breaks loose. (She likes it)

Two works linked together, one from chloe pov about nath n the other vice versa. "It’s wicked how sweet you are" and "it’s sweet how wicked you are"

Impression, soleil levant: they have a run in in the museum. Chloe genuinely likes fine art. Nath likes popping color, lineart, contrast and stylistic appeal, more contemporary stuff. Chloe really like impressionism, it calms her down, she could spend a lot of time just watching a painting. When she was a kid her dad would bring her when talking business at the louvre so she ran off with Jean and she knows the museum very well.

Chloe’s dad keeps bothering her about rules and standards and finding a partner, so Chloe resolves to find the lamest lousiest boyfriend. To make a statement, of course, she tells herself so when her eyes keep flicking to the redhead sitting at the back of the class.

What better way to learn to be vulnerable with each other than ice skating, when you’re both awful at it? A date <3

She points out a panel with queen bee when he’s doodling it, she has no context she just chilling "why is her hair down?" Nath answers without missing a beat "It’s a metaphor for vulnerability".

Nath starts disappearing quietly to places more and more, now that he has a miraculous. Chloe susses him out. W-what?? How did you notice it? Nobody ever pays attention to me- Ugh, you’re *impossible* to miss with that fluorescent hair of yours. Well you’re the only person who pays attention to it, apparently. Hah, blame my superior eyes if you must. Well if *I’m* what your superior eyes choose to watch then- U-um, we’re getting sidetracked! W-what are you doing here! Reverse universe where she’s still denied being queen bee so she’s Nath’s sidekick? He doesn’t really have any friends besides Marc which not in this universe bc it comes before, so he wouldn’t have anyone else so lowkey he’s grateful. He notices her really truly changing for the better as they hang out more.

I dig my hole, you build a wall: As Chloe Bourgeois doubles down on being an irredeemable bully, Queen Bee continues to rise on a pedestral of adoration. It doesn’t help, nothing ever does, and it’s getting harder to make herself ignore how miserable she is. Chloe drowns herself in her superhero job, squeezes every drop of appreciation from her fans she can. Nath happens to be one of them, hardcore. She just needs someone to lean on.

26/11/‘22 Chloe gets akumatized into a dollhouse lover like with her teddybear mr cuddles, and she wants to kidnap some ppl and keep them like dolls to play with her and listen to her every want and choice of activities. Sabrina is mad at her so elle la boude. She picks Nath and they have a tea party isolated at Le grand paris etc etc. Maybe after Adrien cuts it off with Chloe so she freaks out amd wants friends, even if toxic controlling, but she’s not shooting for Adrien bc she’s upset at him and ignores him.

Outlined:

He forgets some comic pages behind, vs queen wasp, and goes back to get them and finds chloe reading them intensely, seeming genuinely invested. She’s lowkey having a panic attack n shoos off an akuma?? He’s shocked, but that requires introspection so in the moment he’s doubtful and bitter. She’s panicced and embarrassed about having been found out. He’s like, wtf was so upsetting about my comic?? Jealous of my art? Mad that something isn’t about you? Angry that I have talent and dreams, unlike you? she flinches. She upsetti "you wouldn’t understand." "Oh, try me. I have experience in being put down, after all." He bites coldly. She explains half-heartedly "Oh, here comes the self-pity." Her lips quiver, she looks down. "You’re right. It is self-pity. I’m miserable." The "and I have no one else to pity me but me" is muttered so quietly. Her fists clench, chin tucked in her torso. Then her gaze hardens and she snaps her head up. "Whatever." He blocks her way out. She grits dangerously "*Out*. Of. The way." Her eyes prickle with tears. He doesn’t even flinch "That won’t work today." She’s so close to snapping violently but instead just cries. Blabla "Yeah well, when you’ve dug a hole as deeply as I have, you can’t get out. Not without a miracle, anyways." She says, you could do one about queen bee next, please. N leaves quietly and he’s never seen her so... non-agressive.

Entracte/solo act: Picking on Nathaniel Kurtzberg when alone with him, Chloe found, was a much different experience than humiliating him in public. It turns out, he only unleashes his fury on the most deserving of private audiences. Notes: I headcanon Nath, bc of the reflekto ep, would stand up for himself more if he wasn’t being bullied in public. I feel like having all the eyes on him motivates him to shut up and try to make the ordeal as brief as possible & leave the situation, so when he’s alone and getting sass he has less qualms about snapping and ripping into ppl lol. Chloe goes to the art room and Nath is alone in it. He asks where Sabrina is, she rolls her eyes "She had *something important* to attend to." She goes to see what he’s working on and makes her snide remarks as usual but unlike usual he snaps and rips into her, she loses her haughty attitude real quick. The next time they make eye contact in class, she grimaces and looks away. He wins. But then she gets a fire and glares at him head on. Let the war truly begin.

To Nathaniel’s and Choe’s horror, the class goes on a mandatory camping trip. It does not go well for either of them. "Um, I’m sorry mme Bustier but I won’t be able to come. I’m sick, yes, cough cough, how unfortunate." Bustier is not amused. She groans when it’s announced they’ll have a camping trip. Nath keeps his in, but for once they agree on something. Ugh. Nath just wants to draw in his tent, that’s too much to ask??!

Royalties: nath finds out chloe is queen bee and threatens to tell it to everyone so that ladybug will take her miraculous away. In exchange for his secret, Chloe must praise him and his art on her social media, throw his name in at fancy soirées, become his "fan". To Nath’s surprise and Chloe’s horror, it backfires. Royally. Her "Nath is so cool" post was half advertizing half for public humiliation. Being the daughter of the mayor of one of the most famous cities in the world meant she has a lot of followers, quite a few in the elite sphere of Paris. The post’s a bit rebellious on her end because he doesn’t like her calling him Nath. Since Chloe *never* praises anyone and the tone was overeager/affectious, people start theorizing they’re actually dating. He takes the logical leap to be invited by her at an event, but as a plus one because it’s not her party to invite people at. Normally he wouldn’t want to have anything to do with a fancy party, but he begrudgingly has to admit networking is very important as an artist, plus he’d do it to piss off Chloe alone.

Vampire au!! Summary: Beyond her humanity, which Chloe had never truly cared about anyway, becoming a vampire hadn’t really, concretely, taken away anything from her. She was still rich, loved by all of Paris, and beautiful. And yet, she realized then that she had lost herself without knowing when. //Chloe has been a vampire for a lil while, very upset. Mr cuddly is also a reminder of her past life. She longs to see herself again, she has had to keep out of the spotlight because she has no reflection and can’t be taken a picture of, she asks Nath to draw her like in Mirror, Mirror the awesome fic which I recommend! Nath finds out her new identity so he becomes tied up in it all, he’s the only one who knows so he becomes who she feeds on. "I can pay you. What do you want? A thousand euros per night? The latest drawing tablets? A gallery showing? Publishing deal? Just help me." Right from the start she feeds off from his neck despite his hesitance. She goes "a wrist? Are you kidding me? I settle for nothing but the best." But the reality is she just wants to feel close to someone, one time the bite turns into a hug crying session. -"... Does that mean my blood is the tastiest?" She’s shaken at that, "That- was *not* what I was implying. It’s not like I would know, anyways." She huffs n looks away. "Your blood is... satisfactory." He smirks, from her, that’s a huge compliment. He can just hear it in his mind "My taste buds are only the most refined!! I can tolerate only but the best!!" She does tell him he’s sweaty n stinks the first time tho. He has to hide his neck bite, ppl tease him about hickeys. At some point a classmate figures out it’s chloe that gives him his hickeys and Nath has to damage control and people start sussing they’re a couple.

No lullaby: No one liked her, but she could dream, couldn’t she? The delusions she lulled herself to had never really been dreams, but maybe to reborn anew she could find a lullaby in someone new, too. // based on the song No Lullaby by Siamés. Also La la la by Jason Chen Akuma that calls itself Lullaby, it was made because they have to move away from their parents or smth like that, so it lashes out and makes all kinds of kiddy & wholesome parenthood stuff. It turns people into happy kids/babies by tapping into childhood memories of parents(something like that), but doesn’t affect Chloe. Because Chloe never had her parents be around much, or them being much like parents at all. Chloe is fighting as Queen Bee, of course, in an AU where people know who she is but Ladybug still trusts her to want not to smear her family name by being a bad superhero. "I could be a superhero and my mother still wouldn’t blink my way... Oh, sorry, that actually happened, not much for an hypothetical." Everyone stares at her in shock. "What? I can have a smart vocabulary!" People look at her with pity and sympathy. "T-that’s not it..." Chat says. Anyways they’re fighting it and a lot of other miraculous holders get hit and she does too but is immune bc it taps into their happy parents childhood memories, meanwhile it’s only able to conjure up her plushie for her. Anyways so she gets swinged up to a rooftop where Nathaniel is sitting and drawing Queen Bee, he jolts and goes "Q-quee-Chloe?" but they don’t have much time since the akuma comes swinging in too and gets Nath under its spell. She carries around baby!Nath around because for some reason she feels a sort of duty to people she knows irl. She goes to the building the other holders are in or something but still ends up alone with Nath since everyone got affected, she panics as her miraculous beeps and she’s alone to fix everything, but Nathaniel draws with his fine art colored pencils like kids use crayons and does tons of kiddy imaginative drawings, and starts humming, bringing her out of her torpor. As the tune calms her, she does a “what would Ladybug do?”, "Ugh, I could have used Evillustrator right about now." She strategizes on how to break the spell over Ladybug for purification, and goes in to break the akuma item holder. When Nathaniel comes to, he’s mad to have ruined his pencils, now with blunt deformed tips, but then he looks at his sketchbook in utter confusion he sees pages and pages of kid’s drawings, recognizing his own infantile style, but the most curious are that some drawings include Queen Bee. His feelings are conflicted and he wants to know what happened, but dreads asking her, but he laughs at a drawing of him pulling her ponytail, and stills at the one of her hugging him. End notes: Next time Queen Bee gets swung onto his rooftops by an akuma, Nath jolts but responds to that adrenaline by crossing his leg over his other knee and raising an eyebrow over half-lidded eyes: "Somehow, I’m not surprised." You know, like sometimes when people flirt as fight or flight response lmao.

22/2/‘23 Chloe was trying really hard to be kind like a true superhero now, and with the birthday of her classmate Nathaniel coming up she would have to, painstakingly, do everything in her power to give him the best gift ever. One problem is, she doesn’t really know him, like, at all. She asks him what he likes. She thinks of supherhero stuff and art stuff. She doesn’t know about drawing tablets so she’s like, what about this professional drawing desk I’ll have my bodyguard carry? As if everyone has the privilege to have the space for a new furniture on a whim. She asks Sabrina for help like this close to a meltdown, maybe even Marinette: "The fool was in love with you, don’t you know anything about him that could help??" And then at the end shes like "omg. I can get him an interview with Queen Bee!" Ooh does she get akumatized with some gifter gimmick? Would be neat but naaah. Maybe two parts, idk what the end should be! Copic markers maybe

#chlonath #fanfic WIP #chloe bourgeois #nathaniel kurtzberg #Angst & fluff and the whole shabang

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lorelune · 2 months

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loreeeee, i read the blade fic update and i CANT. express. how much i love your writing (again LOL). ugh, the way you write thoughts, mentalities, how ppl navigate and take in info...insane. INSANE. ugh,,,,,,im sorry but having adrenaline "tumble between the eyes" or the weird sureness of his thoughts but still being unidentifiable (unintelligible? or there little understanding of the source of specific thoughts) in and of themselves...the way you write makes me FERAL. im savoring it so much, i just bit into the juiciest orange, the ripest strawberry, took a mouthful of the crispest apple cider ive ever tasted in my life--(sorry im low on sugar rn HAHA)

i have a lot to say. but not enough mental space to go through all of it...but i do want to mention how you wrote the retrospective scenes of blade being washed by kafka, it was captured so well. i know this kind of experience is very nuanced, and i think you expressed how blade processed it well. especially how this shows up in pieces thereafter in the rest of the fic, it's different from just mentioning or referring to a past moment. you threaded the experience to the present and from reading your works overall, i believe this is a "trademark" of your writing, at least to me.

the trademark is that there is purpose in every mention, there is delicacy in choosing a perspective and the lens in which the world is viewed or something is experienced by a character...there is a specific atmosphere, headspace, etc., that you want to convey and the entire thing is brought together with every sentence that follows the previous. youre making these connections, however small they may be, between shards of the characters' lives...it feels like you properly chewed them so you got the texture, flavor profile, salinity, etc., of those characters. it's what got me hooked onto you works, and im afraid (feral, positive) youre only getting better at it. im in trouble (eager) :D

this is small, but i personally love seeing purely from one chara's pov, i love unreliable narrator-esque stuff, it just tickles something in me, maybe bc life is THAT subjective to the one living it (also AP Lit was one of my fav classes back in hs, so is it rlly a surprise LMAO). i love connotations, questionable morals, existential dilemmas, all of it. and seeing that blade is full of the latter two, im SO up for it. i also love how he's constantly (unconsciously) trying to be mindful of the space he takes up, even if he chooses to not care for certain (most) ppl. idk, to me thats a testament to his previous life/experience, and it just adds lore (see what i did there :3) and depth to everything. and im so looking forward to see how he navigates and learns (pog self reflection!) about his violent urges/tendencies, and what they mean for him (and mc)--and even if he doesn't i am looking forward to your writing 🙏

this is not even 1/4 of what i wanted to say LMFAOO, but its 1am for me and i need some sleep...thank you for this lore. :) we are blessed to have you share your talent, its my spiders thread in the hellscape im in (life), love you always, stay healthy and happy lunar new yr if you celebrate!!

SLEEEPY 🥺!! thank you for the kind words!!!!! 🥺💕💕💕!!!!! i am screaming crying throwing UP i appreciate your feedback so so much!!!!!

rambling under the cut <3

writing blade for the architect has been both like.... deeply cathartic and so very different from any character i have written for!!! i don't write a ton in character POV, however blade's feels unique and interesting in a way that keeps me going back to him. the dynamic between blade and reader is so interesting to continue to revisit, and writing their relationship expand and change has been very fun!!

blade is truly monstrous, but not for any of the reasons he thinks. his monstrous is monstrous in the way that he shouldn't exist or be alive, and that he essentially a human weapon, but how he feels isn't monstrous. he's coping. poorly. and through centuries of compounded trauma and an accumulation of mara. he absolutely sees some of himself in reader and can't help but want to ... protect them? if nothing else be near them. it's horrific, the way he thinks, but not monstrous. and i think that's an important distinction in the architect!!!

blade is an incredibly unreliable narrator. it is integral to the story (moreso as we go on) that he is unreliable. his own confusion is woven into the plot and vital to his relationship with the reader. his feelings towards you are a tangled mess, and so much of that comes from his own fractured consciousness.

its been very fun to write and dive into it just like... explore. full send. i started the architect originally as a drabble that was supposed to be uneditted LOL and i didn't want to pull any punches with the implications and like... 'darkness' of the story. i'm glad that you have enjoyed it sleepy and THANK YOU for your comments and elaborations, they truly make my day and get me hype to continue the story too <33 thank you thank you thank you 💞💞💞

#lore answers #sleepy anon #SLEEEEPY #U R SO KIND #i ramble a bunch below the cut but sldakjfa #bouncing off of your thoughts. you see the vision. i appreciate you expressing that u do!!!#be well sleepy <33

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aprofessionalwithoutstandards · 1 year

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I love demo so fuckin much but i wish there was more both canon and fanon content for him that isnt just "haha funni alcoholism " like. Idk it super fucking bothers me as a kid of an alcoholic (now recovering and about 2 years sober!!!) like. I would love to rec the game to my dad bc i know he would loce the style and humor but hes also really proud of being scottish and i khow that the main characterization pf demo would probably bother him.

Anyway demo beating alcoholism arc when.

I actually have a ton of posts abt this (u can probably dig thru "#demoman tf2" asks to find them lol) but yeah I rlly think abt this a lot. I'm also the kid of an alcoholic (actually a pretty long line of them, I'm actually pretty predisposed to it myself because I also inherited all the same anxiety/neurodivergency/etc. problems) and I'm also aware of a lot of politics surrounding addiction and am invested in harm reduction n stuff like that, so my feelings abt it are actually kinda complicated. I don't like the idea that Demo being an alcoholic is, like, a "mistake" made on Valve's end that needs to be "fixed" in fan content - it's not inherently wrong to have a character who is an alcoholic or even really a comedic character who is one. I think there's a big trend in fans (especially white people lol) totally overstepping and "fixing him" by just, never mentioning it even in places it would actually be appropriate and just pretending he was never written to have an addiction. I think that's just another way of showing that you think someone can't be a Good Person(tm) and an addict. The other side of the coin, of course, is the INSANE prevalence of people who make it his one defining personality trait and often completely mischaracterize him by giving him traits they associate with alcoholism but that he doesn't have (laziness, aggression, stupidity etc.). I actually find the way he's written in canon to be. pretty okay? There's definitely times where it's Bad but most of the time I think it's alright. Even the "short, violent temper" thing (a trait he's apparently supposed to have? But tbh he doesn't really have in any of the supplemental material lmao) feels less like a stereotype of alcoholism (as fans will make it) and more like an ethnic/nationality-based stereotype (which everyone in tf2 is, so it doesn't feel specifically targeted) (although you can also argue that him being an alcoholic is also a nationality stereotype which like. yeah). Smth I think a lot of people forget but is actually pretty present in most iterations of his lore and also in a lot of his game/intro video dialogue is that he has some kinda trauma and his self-esteem is completely in the toilet. This, in my opinion, adds another layer to his addiction that while maybe not really explored in canon (because it's not that kind of media, no one really gets their serious backstories explored they're just established and then dropped for more jokes) can definitely be expanded upon in fan stuff. I know yall like angst! Stop fucking writing "angst" where you conflate alcoholism with domestic violence and stupidity and start treating him like a human being lol. Write about Demo dealing with or beating alcoholism, but don't write it like it's his entire personality or pretend it doesn't exist. It's a part of him, but not all there is to him. Sorry for the SUPER long response anon omg I love talking and this is a topic I specifically have a ton of thoughts on. Sorry if this isn't rlly coherent, like I said I have a lot of posts abt this topic. I might go rb some now just to clarify my opinions

#alcoholism exists in this weird spot where it's both intensely normalized and extremely stigmatized #so it's seen as okay to joke about but also people on here still have the idea that like it's being drunk that makes you violently angry #and not that like. someone is violently angry regardless and it's not the fault of a substance that they hurt people #it's so common to hear and it bothers me so much bc like i really love my dad (although he's full straightedge now !! no substances baby)#ask #anon #tf2 #demo #demoman tf2

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liverpool-enjoyer · 1 year

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Prepare for a long-ass length ask:

Leo

YES. PSYCHIC/NORMAL 100%

"using calm mind 24/7" -> Love this

But also Belly Drum-

Lowkey picturing him as a Lioone for whatever reason-

Ney

Again, 100% agree! What else is there to say haha

BUT (as a gym leader) he has one random Ludicolo-

"Why do you have a Ludicolo when you're an electric type?"

"Because he's just a groovy lil' dude :("

Jordan

My bbg-

I'm so biased towards him it's pathetic-

Imagine: Flareon Jordan <3

Hidden ability Guts and a move pool consisting of Will-O-Wisp, Flare Blitz, Helping Hand, and Double-Edge

Works well with Poison Andy (more below!) and Grass Trent (more below!) to trigger Guts!!

And just like Jordan, this move set is all or nothing. Both Flare Blitz and Double-Edge have so much recoil damage, but Jordan is okay with being Poisoned or Paralyzed by Andy or Trent to boost the damage/recoil further.

And while he could open Helping Hand or WOW for a recovery move, how would he help Virgil?

The Team >>> Him. <- Or that's what he thinks at least...

Virgil

100% agree with the typings again!

"i realize this leaves him quad weak to fighting n fire" -> Which is why he's weak to Jordan haha

In a double battle with Jordan, I'd have him set up an Iron Defense first while Jordan burns with WOW.

Follow that up with a Helping Hand boosted Iron Head and it's over.

Luis

Nothing to say here when it explains itself haha

Andy

Love water type Andy!

But also consider: Water/Poison

Why? Andy is a nasty little bugger who will wear you down slowly over time. A defensive type but is capable of dealing big damage if you let him.

Imagine: Toxapex Andy with the Merciless ability and the move pool consisting of Baneful Bunker, Venoshock, Hydro Pump, and Recover.

I remember using a Toxapex like that in Pokemon Showdown. Always ends in a win or a rage quit by the other player lmao

Trent

Agree with you 100% once more

But consider: Remove Grassy Terrain and add Vine Whip for damage. Plus he does tend the whip the ball into the opponents box!

Him and Andy would be crazy together. It would be a stall-battle.

Sergio

Same as Luis haha

Millie

I raise you Rock/Fighting Millie

"how rock type gym leaders tend to be the first you face in the game as theyre meant to show new trainers the ropes" -> Yes but Millie as a Radical Red/Emerald Kaizo starting Rock gym leader-

AKA: Will shut you down before your nuzlock even begins.

Klopp

Something is telling me to add a secondary Psychic typing.

Too bad this means Dark type Pep beats the shit out of him-

BUT nothing that a little Destiny Bond can't fix!

Alisson

If this is based off of @liverpoolfanfiction's Supernatural AU (I've stumbled across it before!) then...

Imagine: Cutiefly Alisson

OR Mawile Alisson except instead of a big mouth, it's a big glove haha

I really geeked out over this (particularly Jordan/Andy as you can tell haha), so thank you so much for accepting my request!! <3

EHEHEHEHE MORE SOCCER/POKEMON CROSSOVER TO GEEK OUT OVER THIS WAS A FUN READ TY LUV

ohmygosh i cant BELIEVE youre a showdown toxapex user LMAOOOO. i love using toxapex myself but playing AGAINST it??? every time i see that my opponent has one i hafta take a second to think abt whether i have the time for this, cause i KNOW im not going anywhere anytime soon

i actually considered making andy a poison type like real shit!!! but i didnt rlly know to put it into words without making him look like a DICK lmao

N NUZLOCKE KILLER MILLY IS SO ACCURATE LMAOOOO I LAUGHED

im feeling VERY inspired to do a "INSERTPLAYERHERE's pokemon team" series rn,,,

thank you so much for this lovely reaction/ask i am LOVING geeking out over pokemon n football w you <3

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amethystblack · 2 years

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Now that it's been three months since Reborn's public release, may we see the un-redacted version of the ask where the dev team talk about their favorite parts of the game? Thanks! -Yeshua

oh, sure, why not.

ikaru

i mean let's be honest it's probably going to be celebi or the ending(s) but if i had to mention a part everyone (can) knows i like all the characters' internal monologues in the void and most parts involving titania. granted i am not familiar with 80% of postgame also the elite four + champion

crim

most parts involving ace i mean what? haha actual nonspoiler answer for pre-postgame is labradorra, i think it's hard not to just say "everything" i'm rlly fond of most of the story;; love shelly in labradorra so much;;, the different PULSEs are hella neat and manage to feel really unique despite basically being one after the other, i love the gang all pulling up and storming, it's just a really fun segment and i love the aesthetic of the map as a whole also tournament starlight colors was so pretty no bias

postgame i think lati quest, hoopa was a lot of fun, jirachi is maybe not your traditional definition of fun but gutted me pretty hard so i have to add that one, celebi bc first quest i worked on so more bias, and tao bc im biased once again

this answer is like 99% spoilers im sorry this is not a helpful answer but if it's a part people know def coming back to the city after it's rebuilt and seeing it all cleaned up and there suddenly being a ton to see and explore and it's all pretty was almost jarring the first time i played through and it still always makes me smile or the void the void is a good one

azzie

I'm going to surprise exactly no one and say I love the tourmaline arc- especially on Reshi but also on Zek, there's a lot of environmental storytelling out there and I really love the Train Towners

I've also got a soft spot for the entire glass workstation arc- I think the storytelling there is masterful.

Apart from that… I like (redacted: the maingame ending where Anna gathers everyone's good thoughts and hopes to help you reach Lin; that made my heart just shine), (redacted: Celebi), (redacted: Hoopa, that was a freaking riot), (redacted: dialkia because there are BABIES and also neat lore), (redacted: Darkrai, it's mean but in a very good way), (redacted: the entirety of Xernyvel. Noel my beloved; puzzle my beloved; Shelly my beloved) (redacted: tao, all of it) and probably other things I can think of when it's not almost 3am, but they'd all be redacted too. Oh yeah definitely the e4 too Victory Road itself was fun too but more because I liked the puzzles

oh also i haven't seen it ingame but shade and anna's ending made me cry when i read it so there's that

autumn

While my favorite aesthetically will almost certainly be the Diancie quest, but my favorite part that exists:

Gameplay wise: The garchomp, finding silly ways to beat it every playthrough is one of the biggest deliberations i make.

Meanwhile Doctor clownall getting hyper beamed through a wall was excellent

smeargle

it's spoilers but kinda not if I just say El's elite 4 room, That doesn't sound spoilery does it like it's known he's in the E4 right? I'd also say zeraora's quest just because I had fun making that one

marcello

I'd love if you could just put a massive essay and redact the entire thing for me But joking aside I think the Glass Workstation is very funky

#reborn asks #ask ame

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what-if-nct · 1 year

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hiiii is it ok if i ask for some advice? im sorry im gonna sound rambly but uhhh i'm 14 and starting high school next year (which i alrdy dont feel too good abt haha) and my (overbearing asian) parents are going to send me to this private lutheran hs instead of the public one i was supposed to go to bc its more upper class and smart (?). tbh i was genuinely surprised that i liked the school, academic-wise, and i rlly liked that i had the space in my schedule to take more fine arts classes (i dont have any in my hs) but like the first thing the principal said to me was that i "needed to learn to be a good christian". a whole hour each week is dedicated to jesus and i just know my atheist ass is going to be uncomfortable asf. first, one of my best friends has a thing for jesus (he says jesus is too hot to be straight 😭) and i cant tell if hes joking anymore, and second, i dont have a problem with people who are religious, but i do when they are flat out hateful and harrassing people from communities they "dont agree with", and i just know the people preaching at this school are the latter.

also rn i am the *only* poc in my entire school, and i noticed there were a lot more asian students and students of color, so hopefully there'll be less kids pulling at their eyes or calling me slurs :D

anyways i not a fan of the fact that "homosexual behavior on or off campus" warranted for expulsion, since i am a *very* queer and bisexual individual. at my current school, i dont really need to hide my gayness bc no one cares, and my teachers are accepting (my homeroom teachers a lesbian lol <33). i dont think i can handle having to hide such a big part of my identity at home *and* at school :( too add to that i really suck at making friends, so being somewhere without people i'm comfortable with, my anxiety gets really bad, and i just shut down completely.

my hs is p rundown (like most public highschools are) and the classes are average at best, so idk man, im torn :( i dont know if i should suck it up and go to lutheran school bc their good academics, or ✨be myself✨ and go to p shitty school :/

i dont know what to do (or if i can even do anything) abt it i just dont feel too good about this :( you've mentioned you went to a christian school, so do you have any advice? even if you dont, thank you so so much for listening to me rant for a moment there <33 i really treasure you and your blog, atp you feel like the big sister i've never had. i love youuuu <333

That is such a sticky situation. Cause maybe you can try to persuade your parents especially since they'll be paying for the private school on top of college tuition in the future, it can be a huge selling point. I know that's how I won in the decision of beauty school over college it's cheaper. And christian and catholic schools are heavily based in religion like it's a huge part of it so if you don't believe in it it can be absolutely mind numbing. I actually didn't go to Christian school, actually wasn't forced to go to church as a child, I was like 11 and for some reason told grandma Christianity is responsible for all the bad things that happened in the world. Which is wild that I even was able to come to that conclusion as a child she just brushed me off. But I did go to church summer camp to be with my friends which my friend and I got scolded for holding hands but she was just leading me through the crowd of people. So that's still unfortunately a huge part of christian beliefs

the thing that really caught me off guard is the homosexual activity off campus can lead to expulsion. On campus like sucks but is expected of a christian school sadly. But off campus in your day to day life is like your actions off campus shouldn't be judged by the school. Like I can't wrap my mind around that. I think since you have a whole summer maybe look for more schools you can attend I remember doing this in middle school because my home high school was an F school so you could choose any high school within a certain range. You'd be really surprised with how many schools are around you I'm assuming you're in the us but I'm sure everywhere has a ton of schools. And look for a school that holds some of what your parents want and also your own values and needs for your education. And maybe your parents seeing you take initiative might be an extra point.

If your parents are deadset on it. I think try to make the best out of it as much as you can usually there's a group of people in the same boat you're in where their parents forced them to be there. Trust me no matter where you go you will always be drawn to those like you every single time. But if you do get the choice of going to the original public school firstly screw every single racist little bitch who does that to you that is horrid I am so sorry you have to endure that. People suck. But you can also learn extra independently I always did that cause I was a bit ahead of my class. But I really think researching more schools in your area would help you find the perfect school for you. I personally was in love with Waldorf schools they're more creative led schools and freer, I wanted to go to one so badly. So figure out the exact kind of education you want like a magnet school, charter school it doesn't hurt to see how receptive your parents will be to it.

I really hope this helped at all and I hope it works out well for you. And Awwww it's so sweet you see me as a big sister, I gladly be your big sister, love you too🌸🌸🌸

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willowbyte · 1 year

Text

An Analysis And My Opinion on My YouTube Recap: because apparently i have nothing better to do

cw: cringe

Lovejoy as my #5 Artist: I was kinda confused at first since i don't rlly listen to Lovejoy on my own but i do put their EPs whenever we are in the car so, yeah that's fair

MARINA as my #4 Artist: MOTHERFUCKER ARE YOU TELLING ME LISTENING TO 4 SONGS GOT ME HERE??????? BROTHER WHAT THE HELL

Ok I'm not complaining complaining but. did i really. listen to them that much .

Yuki Kajiura as my #3 Artist: Ok at first glance i was confused at who she was but i looked up her name on youtube and. y yeah. yeah that makes sense (she is the composer of the PMMM soundtrack)

Gorillaz as my #2 Artist: Mhm yeah tbh i was also going to be surprised if Gorillaz didn't appear at some point haha. all i'm going to say is: one hyperfixated tumblr user has the power of 1,000,000 ads

Glass Animals as my #1 Artist: Yeah! i was expecting this one, i listened to all three of their albums daily at one point, so i was going to be surprised if they didn't appear. The Other Side of Paradise Red Rocks Live appeared on the recap too and i thought that was funny

now...

#5 Direct Lounge by sleepCircle: Ahh i'm pleasantly surprised with seeing this here! I forgot i used to play this one in loop, it's so vibey. I think i'm going to listen to this daily again, i recommend it a lot! It's really good

#4 Poems n' Thorns by Saruky: Heheh this is one of my favorite FNF Mod songs. Nothing else to add, i understand why it's here and i just like it a lot :>

#3 Enemy by Imagine Dragons: I'm... confused? I don't remember listening to this song this much. I had it in a playlist that i would listen to a lot so that's probably why this one is here. I ain't complaining tho, this song fucks, also!! you should watch Arcane!!! right NOW!!!!!!! ⚡⚡⚡

#2 World Is Mine (by supercell) Live: Surprised to see this one here! I got into listening Vocaloid music again and i didn't know i was listening to this video in particular so much haha (and yes it's one of my favorites)

#1 Challeng-EDD (END MIX) by Philiplol: i am crying. i am sobbing. iam on the floor. i audibly screamed when i saw this as my number one. youtube called me out on my fixation with Eddsworld earlier this year and i am in hell

but despite everything, it still goes hard.

TLDR: idk man my music taste is weird as fuck

#willow's whispers #i hope you all enjoyed this. like subscribe and hit that bell for more awesome content like thi

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kart0 · 2 years

Text

meds update plus rant: day 10

I knooow, I knowww no one cares and this is a blog just for me but I'm sorry I skipped day 7 ! I got so overwhelmed and cried a lot and I just forgot to do it, I was rlly tired

anyways, honestly I can't remember at all what happened...

I did have a pretty bad mental breakdown, because I had to do a writing for uni and it took me 6 hours to finally do it. I was sitting in my desk my notebook opened in front of me and my iPad with the article opened and I just. I just couldn't. and it's hard to explain when someone asks "well what have you been doing in these 6 hours you were procrastinating ?" because. I literally did not do anything. I was definitely stressed and paranoid tho. I kept opening twitter and closing it bc I had one thing in mind and it was "do the writing. do the writing." and it kept going on repeat and... sigh... if I at least used these hours to relax or have fun, just, no, I didn't and I didn't do anything. I don't know why, it is always so frustrating. but I was able to eventually and it took me only 20 minutes to do so.

everything was going alright. I submitted my writing ( at 3am ), then went to uni, took 2 exams which were in pairs so it went fairly well. I was really, really happy with myself cuz even tho it took me 6 hours to do it I actually did everything I had to do.

and then I had another writing to do. and it started well ! for 2 minutes

and then I procrastinated for 7 hours. at 11pm I was already sobbing because I was so frustrated with myself. it's so easy ! just do it ! just start it ! you have to do it then just do it it's that fucking obvious ! and at 1am my dad entered my room ( originally to scold me for being awake at that hour ) and he saw my red nose and puffy eyes and asked me why I was crying, and I said because I had to do this project. and he then said "do it then" and left the room and I started crying again. I really hate myself. and then, at 3am I realised i wouldn't be able to do this work, and also I had to study for the exam I'd have on that day. so I went to sleep. and I felt so incredibly defeated. I lost. I always lose in the end, no matter how much I'm working hard, or how good things are going, bc the previous day I had managed to do it, and then it all fell apart.

of course i struggled with the exam and I failed my test. and when I got back home I just laid in bed and I felt really...weird. like. definitely bad but I felt really. idk, but it was bad. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't cry, I wasn't able to focus on social media at least to distract myself, I couldn't sleep. I also had not eaten anything basically all day which definitely did not help at all and I think in fact it made things worse

but then now is day 10. and I am done with my exams. I went to a bday party ( that was on a bar ) and I had a bloody Mary for the first time. it was good. caught up with some old friends. I'm really proud of myself for staying alive, taking my meds and not forgetting a single day, even if I might not be able to take every time at the same hour oof. but I feel proud I think.

I definitely need to checkout on a adhd/add specialist, my current therapist is more focused on depression and grieving haha. there are some days like today that I really feel hopeful for my future. and I feel like I really want to improve. but it's rather rare, most of the time I want to die and feel like I'm condemned to live miserably forever

as for side effects, I don't remember if I said it but sometimes my hands shake pretty bad and my body feels weird and hot and I can't focus, but it usually lasts 10 minutes and then I'm alright. this only happened 3 times that I remember. I also lost basically all my appetite which... is definitely bad because uhm I have an eating disorder and body image issues so I'm like, torn. I'm happy that I'm not eating but I don't like that I'm celebrating this thoughts I don't want them to win yet at the same time I'm thinking how much weight I'm going to lose and unfortunately it excites me. I'm trying to eat properly. I also became really tired on the last two days, like really really tired and sleepy all day but when I go to sleep I suddenly get anxious and it'll take me longer to sleep. for now I think that's all.

I hope things get better for me. this update was long, and I apologize. I will try to keep up with the schedule I made. goodnight :•]

#me #update #rant #antidepressants

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drfrankendyke · 2 years

Text

6.14.2022

18/100 Days of Productivity

I had a great day today!!!! A very relaxing and productive day off. I set one goal and actually accomplished it! Wow! Since when does that happen?

What I did today:

Got up at 7:00 Am!

Got todays wordle in 3

Had a nice cup of coffee. I was going to treat myself to Starbucks, but I descided to stay in instead of working there bc my desk is more comfortable and I could move around as needed

Figured out how the hell to write a cover letter

Treated myself to chipotle!!! (With double meat, so it rlly was a treat haha, I used my points for free guac too!), I really gotta get better about taking pics of things that would've been so easy to add to the pics of this post

Told my manager no when he asked if I could come in today

Applied to the on campus job I really think i have a chance at getting!!!!

Cut my hair! It's not blended very well but I did it!

Updated the backlog of all these posts HAHA.

#100 days of productivity #studied blur

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tddyhyck · 1 day

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*cartwheels into ur askbox* BLUEEEEEE HOW ARE UUUUU!!!!!

clearly u are talking to urself because u (🫵 YOU!!!) are precious.

u are so right, every song is beautiful and has a different vibe. i didn’t expect to like smoothie in its entirety at first, i liked the vocal parts but the smoothie, smoothie, smoothie chanting in the chorus was unexpected and i was NOT put on this planet to maintain eye contact with lee jeno (or anyone actually…) while he looks into the camera and i was CERTAINLY NOT put on this planet to have na jaemin talk in my ear jkhksjsa but it grew on me afterwards. i cried when i listened to icantfeelanything and unknown on 2 separate nights so maybe i’ll pick those 2 for my favourites… i rlly liked breathing too, but unknown kinda wiped my mind clean. how about u?? i’m not even talking about the performances because they’re *insane*. i just think jaemin would look nice leaning over someone on a table u know… 😞 i remember being so lost when i first saw him holding a sword like jaemin honey why do u have a sword in a song with fruits. then i saw him fighting the fruits and suddenly it all made sense 🙇 (can i just say i found the bubbling sound at the start of second verse so weird on the first listen, before it grew on me? it’s such a funny lil sound, it adds so much character to the song 🫶)

what u said abt jeno is so sweet i will simply cry till the end of time. “he’s very yes to me” such a valid assessment.

ajhdehjgajha ok well u see i don’t remember much about the day… just that i was living life and suddenly had renjun on the mind. specifically dom renjun staring someone down when they’re bratting, and i had a moment like oh, that’s a Thought. (i’m not even much of a brat, where did that come from?) coupled with dumbification 😅 n u’re right the purple looks so pretty on him!!!

all these renjun thoughts of urs ended all of MY thoughts ever. i am WEAK. please always keep getting carried away because i don’t know how to tell u how much i liked everything u said here omfg. (i might take another 100 words to express my feelings and that would be such a shame…) i think i recently stumbled across something to do with rope play (the past couple days have been tiring and i can’t remember much of anything) nd omgg i was gonna bring it up with u cus,, u know how they sometimes tie it in a way that there’s a knot right over,,, anyway 😵‍💫 so glad to see that u mentioned rope here because now i’m going to Think. hah, time to stop thinking.

panty stuffing is that one insane guilty pleasure that i never see enough of and i’m ALWAYS blindsided whenever it comes up anywhere. (is it cursed if i’m thinking of that with our precious kink because of which we started talking…? i promise i don’t have a one track mind 🫶)

gah, how many times do i tell u, U’RE THE SWEET ONE 😭🥺💞🥳 i’m glad u’ve been good 🥰 small font because i didn’t want to clog up ur (or anyone else’s) screen, let me know if u’d rather it stay big haha. i always talk too much but i don’t quite wish to stop 😔 (unless of course u ask me to 😂❤️) sending u another ask wait—

~🪄

OMG did u see the recording video for smoothie 😵‍💫😵‍💫 jaemin all up in my ear and i’m okay with it 🤭 all the songs are so good i can’t stop listening i have unknown and icantfeelanything on my heavy rotation playlist they’re TOO GOOD (chefs kiss) LMFAO jaemin needs to lean over you at the table just saying ¯\_(ツ)_/ jaemin is our fruity fighter protecting us all and making us get our vitamins

renjun + dumbification oh i am SO here for that,, that would change my mind real quick,,, i feel like he would be so good at that too like just fucking you into oblivion,, no thoughts head empty and he’s just taunting and teasing the entire time like “are you sure you can take it?” “you were begging for this earlier” 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

i think renjun is def tying ropes over ur cunt like sry he is ,,, i think he would tie it like idk how to explain this but two pieces on your cunt and then tie the ropes so your legs are spread,,, and he’d talk about how pretty the ropes look against your skin but he can’t wait to see the pattern afterwards 😵‍💫😵‍💫

i think panty stuffing should be the norm i don’t make the rules but i will enforce them 🤭🤭 ALSO AGREE

omg you changed the font size how do u even do that LOL i’m good either way and ALWAYS chat with me i love it 🤭🤭

#tddyhyck ask #🪄<3 #now i’m thinking about renjun with a rope bunny #bye

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vanilladaises-rp · 4 months

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hello! are u still taking people in? i would like to be the “🐼” emoji if thats okay? i dunno who i want yet but i really wanna try it out so im gonna brain storm and figure out who and whats the plot could be lol bc i rlly don’t know how to write at all but i’m going to try my best because your blog looks really cool ans intresting.

IDK if you need them or not but my gender is a female and pronouns she/her🫶🏻

and also do you help with plots or not? im just asking because if i do tend to get stuck on this 😭

hi luv! Yes i am still accepting, I'll add you to the list! And don't worry when I started I didn't know either tbh i still feel like I don't haha, there is no pressure to be perfect though this is a safe space 🫶🏻.

I would also just need your age since this is an +18 blog, your can dm that if you want, and yes ofc i can definitely help with plots! Dm me and we can discuss more! Thank you! 🫶🏻

#daisy diaries #🍨

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justaz · 10 months

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Saw your posy about your fic with the aliens that sound too similar to minions. I think you just gotta add details that pull it away from the first gut instinct to visualize a minion.

Like, are they humanoid or are they more reptile/bird like? Or a different mammal? Do they have sharp teeth? Do they have hair, fur, feathers, scales, something else or a combination? Are they a prey or predator species? This will affect things like the placement of the eyes at the front or sides of the head. These details add physical additions that minions don't have and help distance the race from those little guys.

We can also describe more of how their colouring is different as well to change our mental image. For example, are they varying shades of yellow? Are they yellow because it's a natural camouflage for the planet? Are they completely yellow or do they have a gradient from the limbs inward or a completely different coloured stomach? Are they yellow mainly due to mating reasons as yellow was the most attractive colour of this species causing most of the population to end up a shade of yellow over time. I mean so long as they aren't literally entirely one shade of yellow all over then it's less likely to be a minion.

Finally the additional clothes, technology, and societal norms will change our perception again. Like are they highly advanced or in the beginning stages of their technology. If its just figuring things out the clothes will likely be more hand made and simple if not simply woven together directly from the planet itself or taken off the back of an animal. If it's advanced go nuts, who knows what people wear in the future. And is it a highly modest society covering everything up or more accepting of their bodies with skimpy clothes or even none at all? Is it a cold planet, moderate, or a hot planet because that will also affect the styles of dress the aliens have. Literally so long as they aren't all wearing goggles and Jean overalls and sometimes lab coats (this is all I really remember the minions wearing) you'll once again make these aliens seem unique.

Anyways, point is you don't have to redesign your aliens for your fic, you just need to ask yourself a whole bunch of questions as to why they look the way they do and then describe them in your fic to the point that we get a better mental image of what your aliens look like to the point that we won't even think of anything else they could resemble. You don't need to go overboard and write 5 paragraphs in one go as soon as they show up in your story but you can add at least one of each of these categories to your initial description to start off and then as the story progresses you can weave in more details about the alien's world and specific characteristics of specific alien characters your main cast meet with to eventually add more depth tk your species overall.

In any case, sorry to dump literally all of this on you over a quick funny blurb about your situation, but I hope this helps. I just really love world building and character species creation and figured that you shouldn't have to give up the ones you have right now due to a tiny bit of common description. I hope to read your story soon, anyway, and wish you good luck with your writing!

omg HAHA thank you, i appreciate this and will definitely consult this on any world building i have to do in future writing but in the context of what i was writing, it was a short passage of the characters passing a few aliens that rlly didn’t play a role in the scene AND the character i was focusing on was kinda panicked and didn’t rlly give a shit about who was around so it was a super vague description

i am kinda proud of myself bc i DID think of a few of these questions on my own. they live in the desert part of the planet so their coloring was for camouflage (and i edited it to add that they vary in shade, from dark brown to pale yellow) and i did give them lightweight robes, not unlike what you see people wearing in like the middle east. i did add extra arms and modified their noses to a kind of flap that opens and closes on command over just a couple holes in their face so their “noses” don’t protrude and solid black eyes

hopefully that gets rid of the minion visual LMAO

#i do appreciate this and will definitely use this in the future #i also love world building and appreciate any insight/help w it #i find the freedom in literally building a world from nothing titty-lating #THANK YOU MWAH MWAH

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