#i saw this like 15 hours ago on twitter but i wanted to reblog or post it here too before i went to sleep

[candiedapplez]

I ask you all of the questions from that one reblog. Good luck/nf/j

Omg ok this will be a while then tehehehehehehhe im not complaining though!!!! Heres the questions so u can look at the questions and the answers!

1.this one is OBVIOUS!!! A-90 and Opheebop!!! DUUUUUUUH!

2.lighter. Ive never used a match before

3.ew no!!! I don't want buggies crawling in my room while im sleeping!!!! However i have before!

4. Aaaaaa ive never really gotten into that stuff so i cant really give an answer-

5. A really dark brown!!

6. Oops i did that again???

7. Well idk ive used both and they are both work really well! however i do think scrunchies are safer for your hair, i use normal hair ties more often because scrunchies are more bulky and yeah i dont prefer that, but both are great!

8. Six. I have six.

9.NONE! COFFE IS GROSS BLEEEEEEGH!!

10. Ofc!!

11. Does drawing count?

12. Good day!!!!! I havent cried yet so-

13. Not too long ago, like an hour ago actually. I had pizza! (Incase u were wondering)

14. HELL YEAH!!!

15. Nope and i never want to be 😗

16. NoooooOoOoO-

17. Nope i have perfect vision muah

18. I DONT WANNA SAY TEHE! (Sry)

19. Yea ofc!!! But they probably wont turn out good…

20. Soda…. Ive never seen or heard anyone say pop before….

21. Plushies!!!! I have a unicorn plush my old friend (we dont talk anymore since she moved) gave me for my 7th bday!!!! Yes i remember when, yes i still have it! And its in perferct condition!!! Also there was this one kid who ig had a crush on my and he gave me a basket full of stuff for valentines day and i still have said basket-

22. I have no clue what this means? I guess sensitive?

23. Love it!!!!!

24. Eating :] (and joking abt pushing each other off probably/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE)

25. Aaaa i use all of them but i use lotion most so ig lotion?

26. Idk what to say for this one aaaaaagh

27. Like 5 i think? Ive been getting better with my sleep time!!!!

28. Not anymore, our school last year said we could take them off, however i was SO insecure about my face (still am, but not as much as before) so i would wear it every single day. If i showed up to school without one people got surprised. I stopped wearing them this year, however.

29. Hot????

30. THE FUCKING WATER BOTTLES!!!!

31. Theres a lot, i dont wanna get into it 😵‍💫

32…… is that a thing? People have favorite towels??

33. Hm my school took us on a field trip to a high school so we can see animals if that counts… (i have pictures btw if u wanna see them! We saw pigs, sheep, cows and bunny! I didnt take pic of bunny tho 😢)

34. LITERALLY EVERY SIX THE MUSICAL SONG HOLY SHIT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (the only ones i might mess up on are aywd and idnyl bc aywd is long and i dont listen to idnyl often)

35. Pst!!

36. Only once! My username used to have a 0 between the words (Candied0applez) but i changed it bc it made it sound like i candied no apples… but i was originally going to be called caramelapplez but i thought candied sounded better heheh)

37. The friend i mentioned earlier i met first day of kindergarden, her name is Alana, and this other girl Maya i met before kinder! We met eachother at a park and when we walked home we found out we were neighbors so we instantly became besties! (We still are to this day but she lives 30 mins away so i dont see her often-(

38. All…?

39. Sometimes!

40. Ice cream!!!

41. Empty. Coffee is gross

42. Hahahah yt, roblox and occasionally twitter!

43. HAND IT OVER BITCH!

44. Myself/j fucking donald trump 🤮👈🖕

45. NO ☺️

46. Oh god i dont watch any 🫢

47. | v

this actually was to the other girl i mentioned earlier! Maya! I found baby pictures of us when we were in 2nd-3rd grade and i showed her today!!!

48. Never and i dont plan on ever!

49. Never tried

50. GO AHEAD I GET SO EXCITED WHEN IM TAGGED IN SOMETHING AAAAA!

omg that took forever!!! Gosh i dont mind though!!! These were fun questions! Aaaaaaaa i enjoyed that tyty!

[wickymicky]

videos that make me go super saiyan

i love her so much aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa “because i love you” well i love you too!!!!!!!!

#AAAAAAAAAAAA YOOJUNG!!!!!!!!! #can i count this as an ult interaction lmao #dreamcatcher #yoojung #weki meki #fv #crossovers #i saw this like 15 hours ago on twitter but i wanted to reblog or post it here too before i went to sleep #dreamcatcher and weki meki havent interacted nearly enough #theyre kinda of different generations though #yoojung is the same age as gahyeon... but yoojung's one of the older members of weme and gahyeon is the dc maknae #suyeon and dami/yoohyeon are the same age too though #unless yoohyeon counts as older because she was born in january and i think that means her korean age is higher? #since i think traditionally the point where your korean age increases by 1 is on seollal not on western new year? #and yoohyeon was born before seollal. so she was born the same western year (1997) as dami #but i think she would be the same korean age as handong? but like i think in modern times it's kinda ambiguous #it seems like people born between new year's and seollal get to kinda choose which age they wanna be a part of #wow i'm way off topic #its the adhd

[sage-nebula]

Do NOT reblog, or I will delete the post and block you.

There are so many posts on here about “eldest daughter this” and “oldest sibling that” but there are no posts that talk about what it’s like to be the middle sibling when your oldest sibling is a complete and utter fuckup in basically every way.

I’m technically the middle child. I have a sister who’s 8.5 years older than I am, and a (technically step-)brother who’s nine months younger than I am. My brother became my brother when I was six and he was five, so the “step-” determination is really meaningless, but I added it to explain how he could be my brother when he’s only nine months younger than I am. Anyway. I have two siblings, one older and one younger, and so that makes me the middle child, right?

Well, yes . . . but also no. 

As you could surmise by the opening paragraph, my older sister fucked up in basically every conceivable way. I won’t get into her whole life story here because that’s not my story to tell (though believe me, there are doozies in there), but suffice it to say that every single choice she made is one that most parents would disapprove of. All three of my parents certainly did. And so what do you think happened when it came to me? 

I’ll tell you what happened. 

Because my older sister fucked up in every way one could possibly fuck up, there was a fear, I suppose, or a concern that I would, for whatever godforsaken reason, follow in her footsteps even though the two of us could not be more different in terms of attitude, outlook, goals, et cetera. As a result, if I did even the slightest thing wrong, the punishment hammer came down on me with all the might of Thor celebrating a delicious beverage. I failed geometry in junior year of high school due to an undiagnosed learning disability (along with undiagnosed severe depression and an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, all following years of abuse at my biological mother’s hands), and I was put under lockdown for the entire summer. I was not allowed to leave the house except to go to summer school, I was not allowed to talk to or see any of my friends, or play video games, or watch television, or be on the internet, or read, or write fiction, or do basically anything besides the aforementioned summer school and listening to music. To this day, my parents think this was a good decision on their part even though they now know about the learning disability and myriad of mental illnesses. They think it was a good call for them to punish me like they did.

And so you would say, okay, but if they punished you that severely because they didn’t want you to end up a drug-addicted high school dropout like your sister, surely they would level the same punishments against your brother, especially since you two were so close in age! Well, you would think that, but nope!

Instead, when my brother was around seventeen, he got pulled over and arrested for marijuana possession. (I think he was pulled over in the first place for speeding, but I can’t remember.) His punishment was to have his car taken away for six months. That’s it. He still had all of his other privileges, was not punished in any other way, he just could not drive for six months. He got in actual legal trouble, but he was still allowed to have hobbies.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that my brother should have been punished more harshly, per se. I’m only saying there was a stark difference in the way that we were treated that my family refuses to acknowledge or own up to even to this day, and it all comes down to the fact that I was never cut slack in either direction. If I was compared to my older sibling, then the fact that she had screwed up so royally in basically every single way meant that I would be made to stand at attention so I could be yelled at for an hour for failing a math class, and then continue to be berated and insulted for how I was clearly never going to college (I have a master’s now, by the by) because of it over the next few days, and yelled at further for having “nothing to say to myself” in the face of all the lecturing. But if I was compared to my younger sibling, why, then it should be expected that he always gets off easier, because he’s younger than I am and the baby of the extended family and, well, I’m older and more mature, so I can handle it better, anyway. And I mean, I guess, for the record, true; I took my punishment in silence because as a victim of child abuse for basically my entire life I never stood up for myself against my parents back then and always just stayed quiet to try to make punishments worse, whereas he threw fits about having his keys taken away every single day for those six months, but also we have to consider how “mature” one really is if that “maturity” stems from a decade and plus some of child abuse.

Because see, that’s the thing, and what has made me really start thinking about this the past few days. I mentioned it on twitter, but a week ago I got into a fight with my mom (stepmom, the better of the two) over politics that has effectively led to her disowning me, I think, which in turn means that my dad has disowned me as well, I think, because I’m pretty sure he’s going to take her side on this one. I won’t get into the actual subject matter here, but the long and short of it is that she accused me of “attacking” her when I wasn’t, and has since then refused to speak to me, even when I tried to offer an olive branch by texting her that fine, I wouldn’t talk to her about politics, but I still loved her. She left me on Read. So the way I see it, she’s not talking to me until I apologize, and I won’t apologize, so she’ll never talk to me and I’m just effectively disowned, I guess. It’s not exactly the first time I’ve lost a parent, and actually, it’s kind of in the same way as the last time.

Fifteen years ago, I left my abusive biological mother to live with my dad and stepmom. (I’m going to keep using stepmom to keep it clear from here on out, just as I use biological mother, even though I do call my stepmom “mom” and consider her as such.) At first my biological mother kept trying to reach out with her pity party guilt tripping about how lonely she was and how much she needed me and yadda yadda, but in the last phone conversation we had, she called me a traitor for leaving her. Keep in mind, I was 15, and she was abusive to the point where the neighbors could hear every profanity and threat she screamed at me from down the street. They told me this. They also told me they always thought about calling CPS, but they never did, but whatever. The point is, on that last phone conversation, she called me a traitor for leaving her. I told her that I wasn’t. She said that I was. I told her I didn’t have to listen to that. She said I did. I said I didn’t, and hung up the phone. I expected her to call right back to curse me out . . . but she never did.

That was fifteen years ago, and we’ve never spoken since.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to speak to her. Actually, the one time it looked like it might happen (at my sister’s wedding), my Fight or Flight response kicked in when I saw her walking toward me and I bolted. I had a panic attack so bad I felt like I was going to vomit. It’s really embarrassing to admit that, but it’s true. The only time I’ve seen her since was at my nephew’s high school graduation (which is the only graduation she got to attend for anyone directly related to her, since my sister dropped out and she didn’t attend mine), but although we made eye contact I looked away pretty quickly and, again, didn’t speak to her. Again, I don’t want to speak to her, this isn’t me complaining, I’ve not lost a single wink of sleep for the fact that she never reached out again despite how my dad likes to go on and on about how she should have “never stopped trying.” (But also, he never picks up the phone to call me for a chat either, despite always telling me how I should call him, so.)

But I just can’t help but notice the similarity. Once again, I have a mother who is refusing to speak to me because she feels I’ve wronged her in some way, and if I want a relationship, then I have to be the one to reach out (even though I already did, but was left on Read, so she wants me to reach out in a very specific way that she won’t even articulate). This isn’t the first time that she (and my dad) have done this, either. When I studied abroad in London, we got into a fight over something stupid over Skype, and I hung up the call. I was 19/20, so you know, not fully mature, but expected to be. Two weeks of silence passed before I had to call them to apologize, because even though their daughter was in a completely foreign country and, hell, could’ve been dead for all they knew, they wanted to Teach Me A Lesson, with that lesson being that unless I behaved the Right Way, they wouldn’t be there for me. And I guess here we are now, about eleven years later, having come full circle with that.

And you know what? I’m tired of it. 

Because here’s the thing about being the second child when the first child is a fuckup in every way: you are expected to not only not fall into those same pitfalls, but also to excel in every single possible way. Not only in terms of grades or whatever else, but also in terms of emotional maturity and support for the parents. This veers into the abuse I experienced, I know (at least some of it), but you know how I mentioned that my biological mother kept going on and on about how much she needed me and whatnot? This is because instead of treating me like her daughter, I was instead treated like her combo maid-servant-therapist. It was my job to wait on her hand and foot when she was home, whether that was through fetching her coffee or being in charge of the refrigerator remaining operational (this sounds specific because it is; when I was about 13 the refrigerator broke and she yelled at me for a.) not knowing it was going to break and b.) not doing anything to prevent it breaking), but also she laid out all of her problems to me day after day, month after month, year after year. Do you know how many times I had to sit and listen to the “your father ran out on me after 22 years of marriage” speech? And when I finally asked her if she could stop she yelled at me because I clearly let him badmouth her but I wouldn’t let her do the same. (He actually didn’t, and neither did my stepmom. She was the only one remaining bitter.) She “needed” me because I was the emotional pillar on top of which sat her own degrading stability. The second time I told her that I wanted to live with my dad (because I told her to her face that I wanted to switch the custody agreement twice, and got browbeaten down twice, before I finally left in secret and didn’t tell her until I was already at his place), she picked up smoking cigarettes again after having quit smoking while she was hospitalized for undiagnosed diabetes and told me that it was my fault that she was smoking again, because I had stressed her out so badly by telling her that I wanted to leave. And like, one, obviously I wanted to leave, is there any question of why I wanted to leave or why that wouldn’t make me just want to leave more? But also two, the point I’m getting at here is that it was always about her, always about her emotional needs, never about mine. My emotional wellbeing was never a priority in that house. I was always expected to be there for her, that was my entire purpose as her daughter. 

With my dad and stepmom it was obviously different, and in a lot of ways it was better because, god, I hated having to be the recipient of the constant stream of stress and misery from my biological mother. My dad and stepmom had each other, so I never had to hear about their woes for the most part. But at the same time, look at what happened when I failed geometry; instead of looking into seeing if they could get me diagnosed with a learning disability, or maybe actually listening to me when I said I felt “burnt out” and pushing a little harder for me to go to therapy, my dad instead yelled at me for an hour and several days after, insulted me, told me I was never going to succeed, and put me under lockdown for the entire summer, cutting me off from my support network of friends. I came from a background of 15 years of abuse, and one fuckup a year or so later lead not to a reexamination of how I was doing, but instead a severe punishment so that I “wouldn’t do it again.” I couldn’t pass a math class in university and in my final year I finally broke and went to my parents about how I really wasn’t going to graduate college because of it, and they agreed to pay to get me examined for a learning disability which, whoops, looks like I had! And my dad still blames me for waiting for so long to get diagnosed and not telling him sooner, when the last time he found I failed a math class that summer lockdown happened. He still hasn’t put the pieces together between that lockdown and why I didn’t tell him about the math classes I failed in university. Amazing.

My point is, with my dad and my stepmom, it wasn’t so much that they used me as an emotional sponge or pillar, but rather that they were pretty much uninvolved so long as I performed adequately, and was the model daughter they could be Oh So Proud Of, but the moment I slipped, bam! Go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not contact your friends. My emotional needs were still not a priority because it wasn’t about whether or not I was okay, but whether or not it looked like I was doing okay in ways that were quantifiable, such as my grades. And I mean, to be fair, I wasn’t exactly keen on opening up about my feelings at that age and I was a pro at masking how I felt and acting like everything was fine because my biological mother would berate me on the car rides to school each morning to the point of tears, and then would yell at me more about how I better clean myself up because god help me if any teachers saw me crying, which would make them think she was a bad parent and that, too, would be my fault. (Protip: Washing your face with very cold water helps clear away the puffiness around the eyes that can be a tell you’ve been crying.) But even so, again, that puts the responsibility on me to do the Right Thing so that they could be there for me emotionally as my parents, and that is just—

I’m so tired of it, man!

I have had three parents and yet have never had the unconditional love of one. Never. My stepmom once tried telling me that she and my dad would love me unconditionally when I was a teen and she was trying to get me to admit I was a lesbian (funny thing is, even I didn’t know I was gay at the time), and my dad walked through the living room and, not even knowing what we were talking about, was like, “No we won’t.” So that was great. But the thing is this whole thing proves that she was full of it, too. Because they tolerate me being gay (while still trying to set me up with men), but because I won’t apologize to my mom when I haven’t done anything wrong but she feels like I have, she’s giving me the complete and total silent treatment until I do. Because I didn’t perform in the way I’m supposed to, because I wasn’t The Mature One, I’m being cut off. Because it’s my job to be The Mature One, because I was always The Mature One, because I never had any goddamn choice in the matter and the dysfunctional environment I was in when I lived with my biological mother (+ my sister, her baby daddy-now-husband, and their two very young children whom I was often put in charge of despite being in middle school at the time because their parents were often too busy doing drugs and/or sleeping to care for them) required it. Because I had to be Kept In Line so that I wouldn’t end up like my sister, but also it was just me that had to be kept in line despite how close in age my brother and I were. And again, I’m not saying that I wish my brother had also been punished harshly, but more that I wish that, you know, maybe some mercy could have been doled out to me, except it wasn’t, because I had two siblings on either side to be compared to and as a result one toe out of the line resulted in a smiting.

But in the end, it isn’t even really about that. This post isn’t really about how I’m simultaneously the eldest daughter but also the second child. It’s more about the fact that I’ve had three parents and yet have never had the unconditional love of even one, even from the one who said I had it. It’s about how my emotional needs were never a priority for any of the parents in my life. It’s about how I basically had to raise myself and it’s a real goddamn wonder I’m not even more screwed up than I actually am because of it. And it’s also about how I really miss therapy and haven’t been able to go for a long time, and I think this rambling stream of consciousness post proves that I really, really need to find a new therapist so I can go back again, because goddamn.

Anyway, once again, do NOT reblog this or I will delete it and block you, I just needed to get this off my chest, but I need it to stay here. Thank you.

#NO REBLOGS--//-- putting it there for good measure too #very personal ranting about past child abuse because it's 2am and I can't sleep & my life story is a Mess #and also I'm presently disowned from my parents etc etc that's what brought this on #''Gee Scrawlers why do you have such a preference for loving parent-child found family relationships in fiction?'' #well [gestures above] does that answer your question or #not all of a person's fictional preferences are derived from their trauma but boy #some of them sure ass can be #anyway #i need to find a new therapist probably sooner rather than later

[pinkyshy101]

So I got bored and decided to type out a list of the cartoons/tv shows I’ve watched, cause why not! I think this is all I’ve watched, or at least recent enough (I’m thinking like…. 2014/15 onward, when I actively started to watch more cartoons)

It’s kinda long, and I’m kinda rambley, so I’ll put it under a keep reading thing (if I can) so you don’t have to scroll through that if you don’t want to. Idk who will actually read this, but hey maybe it’s an idea of what kind of things I might reblog on here! I’m always taking any suggestions for shows to watch, I love learning about and watching more and more cartoons! So if there’s something I didn’t list as something I watched and you think of be interested, feel free to please recommend it! I may update this with a reblog or an edit or something at some point in the future, idk though. For now, its September 19, 2020, and here’s what I got for ya

This ended up way more rambley than I meant for it to be but I started writing it at maybe 12:30ish am and now its almost 2am when I’m getting ready to post it so oops 👀 I’m not really expecting anyone to read this but hey, it’s something! Read if you wanna know what shows and other stuff I watched lol idc

Cartoons I’ve watched in their entirety (or what’s all aired as of today 9/19/20):

(updated 12/2/20 as starting with ATLA)

Gravity Falls - watched since late 2014

Steven Universe (including the movie and Future) - watched since mid June 2015, right before the second stevenbomb/sworn to the sword (early season 2)

Over The Garden Wall - watched back around when it first came out, can’t remember exactly when but sometime in 2015

Star vs The Forces of Evil - watched the first 2 seasons as they aired, then stopped watching for a while and rewatched the whole show in June 2019

Hilda - watched for the first time in I think October 2018, rewatched in May quarantine

She-ra and the Princesses of Power - watched all 5 seasons about/not even a week after season 5 came out, idk why I waited so long to watch it

The Owl House - started watching it after the grom episode aired, idk why I waited so long to watch it but molly and noelle and everyone was screaming about grom on twitter, so of course I had to watch it then

Kipo and The Age of Wonderbeasts - watched it all in early August, right before I watched The Owl House

Infinity Train - watched the pilot back in 2016, then the first season when it came out, but then I started college and didn’t get the chance to watch the 2nd/3rd season until I decided to watch the whole series (s1 again, 2/3 for the first time) this past week

Ouran High School Host Club - ok I know it’s anime not a cartoon and I can’t see myself reblogging anything from it but it’s literally the only anime I’ve watched more than like 1 or 2 episodes of/the only one I’ve seen in its entirety so I figured eh I’ll mention it

Camp Camp - I almost forgot to mention this one! I started watching it when there was I think only 3 episodes of season 1, so back in 2016, and I’ve loved it since then! I guess this summer’s season couldn’t happen cause of covid.... But I’m still excited for when/if it does eventually come out!

Avatar the Last Airbender

Shows that I’ve partially watched but not completely:

We Bare Bears - I’ve seen the first 2 seasons, maybe some of the third I can’t remember, I watched it when it first came out but I haven’t watched it in a while, so I would probably need to rewatch a bunch of it (I did rewatch I think the first season sometime this year? But it was while working on school projects so I wasn’t giving it my full attention), apparently there’s also a movie now???

My Little Pony Friendship is Magic - I was huge into the brony fandom from roughly 2013ish-2017ish, I’ve seen up to season 8 and a few episodes of season 9, and the 4 equestria girls movies, and the mlp movie; I probably know seasons 1 - 4 the most, maybe a little of 5, 6 and 7 are kinda fuzzy but I’ve seen them, 8 I watched over quarantine (since it’d been a few years since I had watched any of it, I also rewatched bits of 5-7) as well as I think the first episode or so of season 9, but I don’t remember them too well. I watched the movie (the pony one, not eqg) when it came out in theaters, and not too long after that I drifted away from the mlp fandom (tbh I was drifting a little bit before it came out, but I knew I had to stick in there at least until it came out since I had been waiting for so long for it). The equestria girls movies, I saw them all when they first came out (I even saw rainbow rocks in the theater). I think there’s like, half hour shorts or episodes or something?? That’s in the eqg universe?? But I don’t think I’ve seen any of them, and if I have it was probably a really early one a long time ago because I haven’t really kept up with anything after Legend of Everfree came out

Animaniacs reboot - I’ve seen the first 5 episodes and it’s nice!

Shows that I’ve only seen an episode or few of that I (probably) intend on continuing to watch:

Glitch Techs - I saw the first episode! Definitely want to continue it

Rick and Morty - I watched a few episodes of the first season in like March/April quarantine, but I was still dealing with online school at home finishing out last semester then. I think I want to watch this eventually, but I have other shows that I want to catch up on/watch before I’d get to this one

Tangled the Series - idk if that’s the name I’ve seen multiple names but I hope you know what I’m talking about, I saw a handful of episodes from the first season I think sometime around fall 2019, but I’d probably have to rewatch the whole thing

Adventure Time - I’ve never had cable/cartoon network so I didn’t watch this growing up, but I’ve heard really good things about it and seen a bunch of stuff from it (I’d have to be living under a rock to have not seen anything lol) but it’s so long and I just haven’t gotten around to it yet! Well I’ve seen maybe a dozen or so episodes of the first season but it was a while ago so I’d have/want to start over probably

Shows I haven’t started

Amphibia - I’ve heard it’s good! I just haven’t gotten around to it yet

Avatar the Last Airbender - probably next on my list to watch, I’ve been meaning to watch it for years but I haven’t yet, its on Netflix now so that should make it easier to watch and a friend from school made me promise that this would be the next one I’d watch so that’s what I’m doing (I did watch the last 2 seasons of infinity train that night though, since I was really wanting to finish it first… But atla is next) watched it! (updated 12/2/20)

The Legend of Korra - obviously I’m waiting to watch it until after alta, and I’m probably going to watch it right after I finish atla

The Dragon Prince - idk really anything about it other than I think it’s on netflix? and apparently it’s good and maybe gay idk but I’ve heard it’s good thus why it’s on here lol

Black Horseman - idk too too much about this other than apparently it’s good but also kinda depressing. Similarly to rick and morty I want to watch it eventually but its not insanely high on my list

OK KO - don’t know a ton about it other than it’s decent, a step up from r+m/bojack on where I want to watch it but not urgently

Ducktales Reboot - similarly to OK KO, don’t know much about it other than it’s decent, same level of want to watch

Milo Murphy’s Law - saw a couple episodes when it came out, haven’t watched it in forever so if I ever do want to rewatch it I’d have to restart it, not super high on my priority list though

Bee and Puppycat - another one I almost forgot! I don’t know a ton about this but I’ve heard its nice! Plus from what I’ve seen I like the artstyle so  👀 maybe someday

Animaniacs (original) - I started to watch the reboot and I think I want to watch the original eventually! Just haven’t gotten around to it yet

Clone High - listen it’s not that I desperately WANT to watch this, I just have friends who are like, hey, watch this lol it’s apparently not super long so why not

Other non cartoon shows I’ve watched:

Brooklyn 99 - idk when I started watching it, maybe around season 4/5ish? I think sometime in 2018 so idk the season, idk, most of the episodes I’ve only seen once so I couldn’t tell you exactly what happens in every episode but I still like it

Rise - ugh I miss this show, I started watching it after/around when the 3rd episode came out (end of March 2018?), and I don’t think I’ve watched any of it since it ended (mid may 2018) cause its not on any streaming services anymore :/ at least not that I know of but I loved it and would love to rewatch it

Andi Mack - I’d heard it was good but hadn’t watched it after it ended (early august 2019 I think I watched it), haven’t rewatched it since then but it was decent, I mainly watched it cause I had seen clips of gay but yknow it was alright

Sex Education - watched 1st season sometime in 2019, when rewatched it/watched season 2 when it came out January 2020, this is like WAY more mature than like anything on this list but like it has an interesting story

Love Victor - watched first/currently only season when it came out mid june 2017 (how was June so long ago what)

Queer Eye - I’ve seen a couple seasons of it idk I figured why not add it lol

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist - I think I watched this around when there were maybe a few episodes of season 1 left (well there’s only one season now but still), idk I liked it cause like musicals and stuff idk

Idk what else to add to this section but if I think of anything (to any category on this list) I’ll probably update it later maybe idk (again I’m not necessarily going to be reblogging stuff from all/any of these but like, I figured I’d mention it cause idk)

Musicals:

Another thing I love is musicals, like I’m a design/tech major in college rn so yeah I like theatre lol so I’m going to list some I’ve seen (mostly watched bootlegs of, but I’ll list some professional/tour ones I’ve seen in person)(but if it doesn’t say anything special I probably just watched a bootleg, 2017 was a big year for me and my google drive being filled with bootlegs…) This might not be all of them and I won’t go into as much detail (I hope, I haven’t typed it yet) but we’ll see:

Broadway tours I’ve seen: (I swear this isn’t bragging they were cheap seats way up high lol)

Dear Evan Hansen (May 2019)

Wicked (first professional show I saw, October 2017, haven’t watched a bootleg or anything of it since then and I went in completely blind)

Mean Girls (November 2019, last professional show I saw before quarantine)

Come From Away (September 2019)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (November 2018)

The Book of Mormon (August 2018, was hoping to again this August but quarantine :( )

Non professional/high school/college/other shows I’ve seen in person/been on crew for (not all of them, but some) (assume I’ve also seen bootlegs/proshots if there are any)

Newsies

Spring Awakening (spot op)

Shrek (props)

Legally Blonde

I’ve seen done way more but I don’t feel like listing them or that they’re anything I’d want go reblog/actively look at fandom content for (that’s not saying it reblog stuff from shrek the musical but still lol)

Other shows I’ve seen only in proshot/bootleg form:

Basically every Starkid show

Spies are Forever

The Solve it Squad

Hamilton

Heathers

Be More Chill (yes I was in that big amalgamation of musical fandom stuff with these and deh in 2017 aaaa)

Falsettos

Beetlejuice

Spongebob

21 Chump Street

Les Mis

Phantom

(Again maybe not necessarily all but some there’s a slight chance I might reblog things about)

Musicals I still need/want to watch/listen to:

The Prom

Six

The Great Comet (not typing it all out)

Hadestown

Waitress

Bonnie and Clyde

Something Rotten

Tuck Everlasting

Again there’s more I want to see I’m sure but I haven’t really watched bootlegs in a while…. Idk feel free to suggest shows tho

Movies I’ve seen/like: obviously I’m not gonna just every single movie I’ve seen but heres a few I like:

The Sound of Music

The Wizard of Oz - these 2 have actually always been my favorite movies since I was little, I can’t dee myself reblogging much of anything about them but figured I’d mention them cause why not

Love Simon

Some but not all Disney movies (I grew up with no cable/mostly just pbs)

Most pixar movies?

I don’t think John Mulaney shows count as movies but eh whatever I’ve seen them on netflix

Idk what else lol I know I’ve seen more movies than this but eh

If anyone actually read all of this... Wow I’m surprised honestly lol have a free cookie or something for your struggles or smth, idk, thanks for reading this though lol I appreciate you (but also slightly worry, this was a lot of words and a lot of rambling)

#long post #me #personal #really long post

[tainted-musix]

Camila’s Apology through a Black Fans Perspective

I would like to first of all state that I am black. I am not a camilizer because I don’t associate with the harsh and cruel things they (some of them) have said or done in efforts to take down other careers. I have however been a fan of Camila and ALL of the other girls. I’ve been with them since I was 12 and I know that I have grown a lot. So have they and I acknowledge that. However I really don’t know how I feel about ANY of this.

I am in college now and I’ve started embracing and learning about my culture and the historical significance of African Americans in the US. And it has never been rainbows and sunshine. I have grown up and still live in the South (Georgia) specifically. I’ve grown up in a predominantly white area and gone to predominantly white schools. I go to college in Atlanta and if you think for a second it's a “Black Mecca” you are MORE than wrong. 

The music and entertainment industry paint and try to make Atlanta out to be this safe place for black culture. And it's not. Nowhere is. Not everyone understands the uneasiness of being around police officers. Even if I’m driving down the road and cop car passes I feel uneasy. I feel stiff because I’m afraid that if I look l a certain way I might get pulled over. My town is small and everyone I have come across has been for the most part kind. That doesn’t change the fact that there's a Confederate monument in the city square. And it doesn't change the fact that every day in the parking lot of my high school, my white peers would listen to rap music and say the N word on a daily bases. It also doesn’t change the fact that some boys drive their trucks through the street sporting Confederate flags. It doesn’t change the fact that everybody wants to be about that life until it's not profitable or jail time is involved. 

One of Camila’s Tumblr accounts has been discovered with racist reblogs and I really don't know what to feel. When I got on twitter an hour ago and saw her apology I was confused. I thought she was finally apologizing more publicly about what she called Normani. It wasn’t until a little later I found out what really happened. 

I knew what she said about Normani and I know it was wrong at that time I was 15 when it came out. 15 which is when it is claimed those messages came out and she said she was young and made mistakes. And the Tumblr account is said to have been from when she was 14. I don’t accept her apology right now. And it is so heartbreaking to see what she reblogged. I went through the pictures of it on twitter and I am disgusted, that anybody would think those stereotypical posts are funny, in any context. 

And the people who are saying it’s not real. Then why was it deleted? The people who are accepting her apology most of them aren’t black and have NO CLUE what it's like to be black. They have no clue of the struggles we face everyday. RACISM is not dead. 

Music is my safe space. I make it, I listen to it, I'm inspired by it. So for me to go on the internet and see this from an artist I have supported since I found out about the group and has supported these beliefs is beyond painful. I don’t know what to believe and what not to believe. 

What hurts the most though is that this is a fellow person of color. Latin people know what it's like to not be accepted here and this is what we get. A sorry apology about how she was ignorant to this. How are you ignorant to something that happens to you? At 11 I knew what racism was. The Trayvon Martin case showed me how cruel the world is to people who have the same skin as me. Camila is 4 years older than me. THIS CASE HAPPENED IN HER STATE but I’m expected to believe she didn’t know that the things she said, reblogged or liked were wrong. NO. I don’t accept that. 

Admittedly when the messages came out about Normani I gave it a pass because I was so used to that being the norm around me. I am 18 and I'm older now. I have learned about systematic racism and slavery, and how African Americans were taken, broken and beaten down to build America and somehow we still can’t find equality here. 

What’s crazy is I bought tickets for her concert and I JUST got my albums in the mail yesterday and I was so excited. I bought it on iTunes. I streamed it. I have supported her through thick and thin BUT she only acknowledges this because she was caught. She’s been known about this blog she had and had the opportunity years ago to address it and didn’t. 

I have not accepted her apology yet, but maybe I will in the future. I don’t know if she deserves it but when I do, if I do choose to accept her apology it will be for me not for her. 

I stated at the beginning of this post that I have grown and so has she and the other girls. I believe that people can change and grow. And from what she has said in the past few years and her speaking out about the black lives matter movement I can see that growth. But, I don’t know if I can get over the fact that she only wants to address her problems as they happen. 

#camila cabello #racism #music industry

[sharkbaitsekki]

As an FE3H fanfic author...

... I just want to make a quick note to thank everyone who comments or reacts to fanfics. In general, yes, but especially for 3H fics nowadays. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings with the authors who worked so hard to create the fic you’re enjoying, before it’s lost to time. 

I say that because the 3H fandom is booming right now. It’s in its prime, and on a rapid expansion course on all social medium platforms, and although this is excellent for enriching the fandom as a whole, I feel like individual content creators suffer for it. 

I’m not making this up. A quick glance at the 3H fandom tag on AO3 (on 19/10/15, 1:30PM) shows this: with filters set to “Complete works only” and “English” as a language, in the first four pages, the grand majority, above 90%, have less than 5 comments (most of them have 1-2, honestly), or less than 100 kudos, or less than 600 hits. The fics posted yesterday are already on page 4. The fics posted 2 days ago are on page 8. 

And yes, of course the older the fics get, the more hits they get, and they’re likely to have more kudos and comments as well, but they’re also hidden much farther in the tag. If a work was posted a week ago, you can forget about anyone finding it while browsing, unless they’re browsing a specific tag. Even then, how specific does the tag have to be? On the “M/M” tag, fics posted two days ago are on page 5 (and these are with incomplete works filtered out). 

Content is being posted at a mind-blowing rate, and I’m all for it. But I guess I just want to draw attention to the fact that with the sheer volume of works being added to the fandom, tagging a fic appropriately and advertising it outside of AO3 are the only viable strategies in getting more readers. Otherwise, it will most likely have no traction at all, and be swept away into the fandom archives. While browsing, I saw EXCELLENT fics with very little kudos or comments to them, and it made me sad. 

And I’m not gonna lie; as a content creator, it makes me sad, too, because this is happening to my works as well. I don’t write for reacts; I write because it’s fun, and because I like creating things I know don’t exist anywhere else. But I won’t lie and say I don’t write to share my creativity with others, too. I love hearing from readers, I check every reblog, every retweet, every bookmark to see if people wrote anything expressing their thoughts about my work. I look for opportunities to discuss with people. It thrills me to know that I’m enjoying my writing alongside other people who are enjoying it just as much. 

So when I post something and get very little feedback on it, not because it’s bad, but simply because it just isn’t being seen, it does break my heart a little. Past the first 24 hours after release, I no longer expect anyone to comment. I barely even expect anyone to see the fic, unless they’re following a link from Twitter or Tumblr. And I won’t stop writing for it, but I will definitely not write with the same excitement to release my ideas to the world. I love 3H, I love these characters, I love the fandom and I love to write. But man, writing for 3H doesn’t really make me happy at all. 

That being said, there is no “fix” to this issue. It doesn’t need to be “fixed”; lots of great content is being put out for the fandom to enjoy, and I think that’s a good thing in the end. I love seeing creators working hard to share their love for the game with others. I just think that the fandom could stand to be a little more supportive of these creators, whose reach depends solely on timing, and some good luck. So... Reblog and retweet your favourite fics. Recommend them on your social media. Share, share, share, because if these fantastic works are not recirculated at the top of timelines and dashboards, they’ll be lost underneath the sheer volume of new content rolling in hourly without end in sight. 

#fire emblem #fe3h #fire emblem three houses #fire emblem 3 houses #fe 3 houses #fire emblem fanfic #fe fanfic #fanfiction #sort of vent post #my works have hit record lows with the 3h fandom and the only reason i can think of is #well... nobody is seeing them #i posted my last fic and i checked the tag about 5 minutes later #and it was halfway down the first page already #that's CRAZY #and i've got a moderate following on tumblr so im lucky in that sense #but i haven't been active on twitter so i've got NOTHING there #I rely on tagging mostly to get my views but that wont help if my fic gets buried #it just really sucks i guess #and i wont speak for other writers but i cant help but feel it's my fault #i feel like my writing is getting bad and im wondering... #am i sacrificing the quality of my fics by outputting more of them more frequently than with other fandoms? #will it really matter if i spend weeks researching and writing and producing a beautiful complex and fantastic fanfic? #or will all that hard work be buried under volume regardless of its quality? #anyway i'm not telling people to stop creating content. fuck no. keep writing #don't stop writing on anyone else's account #but like... also... as a reader #maybe support and share your fav content? #this isn't a new issue by far. i'm just... putting it back out there once more. #thanks for listening sorry if that sounded whiny

[catsandcoffee-x]

So, I don’t usually post much on here I just reblog whatever makes me happy but I have a story that honestly needs to be shared.

I was at a family gathering and I realized my 12 year old cousin was sitting alone the entire time (we were like 35 people at the time so it was a crowded mess) I decided to sit next to her and talk to her about mutual interests to make her more comfortable. I realized instantly that this ‘shy’ persona was just a mask and boy did she have a lot to say, I loved it. We bonded over shows and movies (as per usual). The thing is, the more she opened up to me, the more insecurities I realized she had, that no one really bothered to notice.

This 12 year old kid refuses to take a selfie without a full face filter covering her face because she hates how her nose looks (look at it its so pointy it looks like a mcdonalds sign) she refuses to smile because (i have a gap between my teeth its so ugly) she asked me at what age will it not be weird for her to put a lot of makeup on because (i want to look pretty i want to fix my face) and the thing that got to me the most... (I wish I was blonde, I wish I had blue eyes, I wish I wasn’t an arab so I could look pretty)

I’m a 23 year old middle eastern woman who has been where this kid is right now. Once upon a time I hated how I looked like too. I hated my cheeks. I hated my lips because of how big they were. I hated my curves because I wasn’t skinny enough like the people in movies. I also hid behind filters and photoshop. I hated it when people took photos of me because I couldn’t control how I looked. This went on for years until I met amazing people in university, on twitter, and on tumblr, and realized that everyone is pretty in their own way. I was pretty, in my own way. Beauty isn’t something that people can rank, classify, and select. It isn’t symmetry, it isn’t color, it isn’t based on size or numbers. Beauty just is.

I decided to speak to her with 15 year old me in mind, knowing everything I needed to hear but refused to listen to years ago.

I asked her if she thought I was pretty, and she was like “of course, look at you, you’re gorgeous and you’re an adult and your nose is perfect and you have a perfect smile”, so I told her “so you don’t think that my nose is too wide, my cheeks are too big, and my body too curvy to be pretty?” She looked horrified and yelled, “how could you say that?!” So I told her “then how could you say that about yourself?when I see you, I think that you have adorable dimples, a charming smile, gorgeous hair, beautiful eyes, and a radiant personality once you’re comfortable talking to someone. I never thought that your nose looked like a mcdonalds sign, I don’t think your skin doesn’t suit you, and I definitely don’t think you need to be anyone other than yourself.”

She looked at me like I just told the funniest joke ever and started showing me all the pictures of her in a bunny filter, a dog filter, and a filter that altered her entire facical features and said: “come on, tell me I don’t look better like this. I wish I could walk around with a filter on the entire time” and that broke my heart. It honestly shattered it. I said no, I genuinely can’t tell this is you, where’s everything that makes you yourself in any of these photos. Why are you hiding your smile, why are you hiding that cute face of yours that makes you, you.

Fast-forward to an hour later when I finally managed to convince her to take a selfie with me without a filter on. She refused to look at it. I zoomed in on my picture first and told her to point out everything she thought was pretty about my picture. She had no problem choosing at all. I then zoomed into her picture and I saw her cringe. (That broke my heart just a little bit more) I encouraged her to try to point out at least 3 things that she thought was pretty about herself. She was hesitant at first, but then she pointed at her dimples. I pushed her to point out something else, “i guess my hair looks good today”. Another nudge later and she managed to point out 2 more things (1 more than what we aimed for)

It’s crazy how that one simple exercise changed how she looked at herself just a little bit. She seemed so intrigued looking at herself. I showed her pictures of me sans makeup and filters with all my insecurites on display and asked her to point out things for me and then asked her, “do you think this photo looks like me? Do you think I look bad like this?” (The answer was no, no matter how bad the picture was god bless her pure little heart)

After family dinner ended, she was excited to take selfies of herself with no filters on just so she could run to me and point out what she thought was nice about herself. She promised to take more pictures without hiding her face everyday.

I’m a 23 year old middle eastern woman who loves herself with and without makeup. Who loves herself with and without a filter. Who appreciates herself, her scars, her flaws, and everything that makes her who she is. I just hope that this 12 year old kid will learn to accept herself for who she is and not what the media tells her what a perfect woman should look like.

[ardeeste]

30 questions tag! 

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20-ish blogs you want to know better!  POST ON A NEW SEPARATE POST!

1. Name/Nickname: Aditi, Addie

2. Gender: Cis Woman

3. Star Sign: uMM, Taurus? I don’t really put much stock in this stuff tbh....

4. Height: 5′5 1/2″

5. Time: 9:05pm

6. Birthday: 20 May, 1997

7. Favorite Band: It changes every week tbh, I’m very indecisive when it comes to the media i consume.... This week I’ve been listening to a lot of BTS  and  MonstaX... idk if that counts

8. Favorite Solo Artist: Lately, I’ve been obsessed with Jackson Wang’s solo work. 

9. Song Stuck Stuck In My Head: Bol4′s Some is playing in my mind at any given time, it’s like my brain’s stock elevator music. 

10. Last Movie: It’s still WITCHES 2020, because I haven’t watched any movies after I saw that last saturday...

11. Last Show: still on  It’s Okay not to be Okay :P

12. When I Created This Blog: originally in March2021, but had to delete and remake in May2021

13. What I Post: Mostly stuff related to my WIP but i also reblog stuff i like from time to time....

14. Last Thing I Googled: I started learning korean and thai just for shits and giggles, so, the last thing i googled was: “What are Diphthongs?”

15. Other Blogs: none at the moment. But I do have twitter @AditiUpadhyay97 feel free to follow me there!

16. Do I get asks?: I just got my first one today on this blog! but I’D LOVE TO GET MORE!  ASK ME ANYTHING <3

18: Following: 94

17. Why I Chose My URL: I was like, i wanna make a writblr, and saw that this was the most common format lol

21. Lucky Number: Don’t have one tbh.... 

19. Followers: 32 lol ,,,, I just made this blog a few weeks ago sooooo

20. Average Hours Of Sleep: 7-8

22. Instruments: I tried learning when i was little but it didn’t work out much....... 

23. What Am I Wearing: Cotton t-shirt and shorts 

24. Dream Job: I’m kinda all over the place tbh, i wanna write and i wanna design graphics and i also wanna act ..... idk man

25. Favorite Food: Any sort of noodles/pasta thing with veggies and chicken tbh

27. Nationality: I’m Indian. 

28. Favorite Song: Like i said I’m very indecisive when it comes to the media i consume, so, I’m not even gonna attempt to answer this question..... 

29. Last Book I Read: Tom Jones, for my lit masters...

30. Top 3 Fictional Universes I Would Like To Live In: The Harry Potter universe, The Pokemon universe and the Percy Jackson Universe.... 

Tagged by: Stole it from the lovely @purgatorydotexe !

Tagging:  @prowaterdrinker , @wordsandacademia , @morganwriteblr , @phron-tistery , @musingsofaninsignificantwriter , @shelley-says-hi , @shaicarus , @loveworns , @veinscript , @writing-with-melon , @perditism ,  @lyrium , @writing-is-a-martial-art , @wizardfromthesea , @conwaybaker  and  anyone else who’d like to participate <3         

#dash games tag.

[thisfairytalegonebad]

85 statements tag game

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people as many people as you like

I was tagged by @vergina-spva, thank youuu~ I’m too lazy for tagging, and also I’m so inactive here (interacting, not reblogging) I don’t even know if I still have friends on here ahh

The last…

1. drink: Water 2. phone call: my bro 3. text message: uhh something in a whatsapp group chat probably 4. song you listened to: I was watching Hellsing Ultimate earlier, so the ending song xD 5. time you cried: uhh can’t remember 6. time you dated someone twice: never 7. time you kissed someone and regretted it: never happened 8. time you were cheated on: never happened either 9. time you lost someone special: fortunately that also never happened, at least if we’re talking people. The first horse I loved dearly had to be put down a few years ago though. He wasn’t mine, but I learnt horse riding on him basically and I loved him a lot.  10. time you were depressed: ??? 11. time you got drunk and threw up: uhh last year, fall or winter or sth, but that was the first and only time that happened

Favorite colors

12. green 13. blue 14. purple In the last year have you…

15: Made new friends: mhh yeah I guess 16. Fallen out of love: not really I think 17: Laughed until you cried: probably 18. Found out someone was talking about you: weeeell I can’t really remember so even if, it probably wasn’t too bad 19. Met someone who changed you: probably not 20. Found out who your friends are: also not really idk 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: ya General 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life? I’m not gonna go and count them, but it’s the majority 23. Do you have any pets? not anymore 24. Do you want to change your name? I mean I absolutely dislike both my first and my last name (middle is fine), but I wouldn’t know what to change it to 25. What did you do for your last birthday? absolutely nothing my dudes, except for taking a final 26. What time did you wake up? 8 for the first time then sometime after 10 27. What were you doing at midnight last night? I was asleep 28. Name something you can’t wait for: death 29. When was the last time you saw your mum? about an hour ago before she went to bed (Question 30 is missing ooohh) 31. What are you listening to right now? nothing, I have my earphones on but there’s nothing playing 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Yeah, my dad’s name is Thomas, nickname Tom, and I also know a kid called Tom 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: uhhhhh there’s tons of things that piss me off but I can’t think of any right now, unbelievable 34. Most visited website: AO3 or twitter, most likely 35. Hair colour: dark blonde/brown-ish 36. Long of short hair? how about medium length? 37. Do you have a crush on someone? nahhh 38. What do you like about yourself? right now? not much 39. Piercings? ya, ears 40. Bloodtype: according to the test we did at school in bio like two years ago it’s B, but idk if + or - bc we couldn’t test that 41. Nickname: for you people here, Fairytale or Fairy pls 42. Relationship status: single 43. Zodiac: Gemini 44. Pronouns: she/her 45. Favourite TV show: mhhh I dunno if I have one, I mainly watch anime, and Spn is not that good anymore  46. Tattoos: no but I might get one next winter!! 47. Right or left handed: right 48. Surgery: nooope 49. Piercings: what the shit we already had that 50. Sport: horse riding 51. Holiday: C H R I S T M A S, I don’t know why but I love the christmassy time, not even necessarily the day itself, but like, all of December with the decorations and shit 52. Pair of trainers: what the Fuck™

More general

53. Eating: nothinggg 54. Drinking: also nothing 55. I’m about to: uh take a wild guess (nothing) 56. Waiting for: death myself having my shit figured out  57. Want: death an idea for what to do with my goddamn life I didn’t fkn ask for 58. Get married: haha nope never 59. Career: ????????? 60. Hugs or kisses: Hugs 61. Lips or eyes: mhhh eyes 62. Shorter or taller: literally doesn’t matter 63. Older or younger: doesn’t matter either 64. Nice arms of nice stomach: hmm arms, but both is good? 65. Hook up or relationship: neitheeeer, let’s try friendship man, that’s hard enough 66. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant 67. Kissed a stranger: nooo 68. Drank hard liquor: aye 69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: not really lost no, just for a few minutes ^^ 70. Turned someone down: hmmm probably not 71. Sex on the first date: nope 72. Broken someone’s heart: I think that sounds a bit much so no I guess 73. Had your heart broken: no 74. Been arrested: nope 75. Cried when someone died: yeah 76. Fallen for a friend: I’ve never been in love or had a crush so no

Do you believe in…

77. Yourself: ahaha no 78. Miracles: don’t think so 79: Love at first sight: for my OTPs yes lmao 80. Santa Claus: of course hE EXISTS 81. Kiss on the first date: sure why not 82. Angels: don’t know don’t really care tbh, if there’s something I’m imagining something bodiless, more like a force instead of something physical Other 83. Current best friend’s name: pfft I doubt anyone sees me as their best friend. 84. Eye colour: brown 85. Favourite movie: LOTR and The Hobbit

#vergina-spva #thank you!!! #about me

[thisiscarolinerose]

Tagged by @aaronxjudge and @pxnstripes thank you!!

THE LAST

1. Drink: Water

2. Phone call: My dad

3. Text message: @gbohen cause Yankees 

4. Song you listened to: Something on my Spotify playlist but that was hours ago so I don’t remember 

5. Time you cried: Like actual tears? IDK but it was def over my grandma R.I.P

6. Dated someone twice: I have never even dated someone once... (I should have just said Yes when the guy asked for my snap the other day) This is why I am single...

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Still waiting on the kiss part... (I live a sad life)

8. Lost someone special: You know it

9. Been cheated on: You have to be in relationships for that to happen... (Damn this is depressing...) 

10. Been depressed: Nope

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I am in college so that’s a big YES

THREE FAVORITE COLORS

12. Blue

13. Green

14. Purple

IN THE LAST YEAR I HAVE

15. Fallen out of love: What’s love? You gotta be in love to fall out of it...

16. Laughed until you cried: All the time

17. Found out someone has been talking about you: Like badly? No. Had a convo about me? Yes. I was told.

18. Met someone who changed you: YEAH MAN!

19. Found out who your friends are: SHOUTING THIS ONE OUT TO MY PEOPLE AT COLLEGE! 

20: Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Stop reminding me that my lips are virgins...

GENERAL

21. How many of your Facebook/Instagram friends do you know irl: I have like no insta follows cause no one likes me but maybe 70 percent..It is too late to do math..

22. Do you have any pets: MY DOG MOCHA IS MY BEST FRIEND

23. Do you want to change your name: No I actually like my name but can I change my last name to Judge... (kidding..maybe..idk.)

24: What did you do for your last birthday: I was at college and had orientation that day but i did go out to eat with people I don’t talk too anymore...

25. What time did you wake up: 9 but I fell back asleep cause it’s summer

26. What were you doing at midnight last night: On Tumblr yelling at how bad the Yankees were for losing..Why remind me?? But supporting Judge no matter what cause fuck the umpires.

27. Name something you cant wait for: To see my friends at school. I miss them!!

28. When was the last time you saw your mom: Before she went to bed so a few hours ago

29. What are you listening to right now: My Mark Teixeira clock ticking if we are being honest here 

30. Have you ever talked to someone named Tom: My Uncle

31. Something that is getting on your nerves right now: The Yankees cause they cause me so much stress

32. Most visited website: It used to be Twitter but the people on Tumblr are better so Tumblr

33. Hair color: Brown

34. Short or long hair: Long

35. Do you have a crush on someone: If you mean Aaron Judge then yes!

36. What do you like about yourself: Physically? My hair and eyebrows. Otherwise I enjoy my sense of humor

37. Any piercings: Just the normal ear 

38: blood type: The one that can help a lot of different people

39: Nickname: My aunt calls me Ca, my moms friend calls me Carolina (I have been called other things but these are the current ones)

40. Relationship status: Single (Why can’t I marry Aaron Judge)

41. Zodiac: Virgo (My birthday is in 15 days)

42. Pronouns: She/Her

43. Favourite TV show: Impractical Jokers, The Walking Dead, One Tree Hill, Riverdale.....

44. Tattoos: No but if I ever got one I know what I would want but I prob will never get it 

45. Right or left handed: Right

46. Surgery: Wisdom teeth???

47: Sport: I have played soccer, basketball, softball, volleyball

48. Vacation: I went to Jamaica in June

49. Trainers: Nike

50. Eating: Nope

51. Drinking: Nope

52. Im about to: Prob watch Yankee videos and reblog things on Tumblr

53. Waiting for: Me to be tired

54. Want: To have a good future

55. Get married: PLEASE!!! 

56. Career: Teacher

WHICH IS BETTER

57. Hugs or kisses: Hugs cause again I don’t know what kissing feels like but hugs are great when they aren’t awkward 

58. Lips or eyes: Eyes!!

59. Short or Tall: Have you seen Aaron Judge??? TALL

60. Older or younger: I always like them older

61. Nice arms or stomach: Arms all the way

62. Hookup or relationship: I want the real deal

63. Troublemaker or Hesitant: I guess it depends...Both

HAVE YOU EVER

64: kissed a stranger: no once again

65: drank hard liquor: Hells to the yeah

66. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I don’t wear either 

67. Had your heart broken: nope 

68. Been arrested: no

69. Cried when someone died: January 11, 2015 will forever be the worst day of my life 

70. Fallen for a friend: nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

71. Yourself: Usually 

72. Miracles: Yep

73. Love at first sight: Most def!

74. Santa Claus: AW! I miss believing in Santa! 

75. Kiss on the first date: Do whatever floats your boat

76. Angels: Oh Yes!

OTHER

Eye color: Brown

Favorite Movie(s): Field of Dreams, Back to the Future, Distrurbia, The Sandlot, Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead, John Tucker Must Die, Dodgeball, Sleepover, and many more

I tag: I feel like everyone has been tagged but do it if you want too

#this took me so long #but it took up time so im good with it #get to know me

[dieingontheinside420]

Try to get to at least 30 points a day You can customise this diet however you like. This is my personal diet. Calorie intake
0-200 = 10 points
 201-350 = 8 points
 351-500 = 5 points
 501-600 = 3 points
 601-750 = 1 points
 750-950 = 0 points
 950+ = -8 points Water intake
 9 Glasses = 10 points
 8 Glasses = 9 points
 7 Glasses = 8 points
 6 Glasses = 7 points
 5 Glasses = 6 points
 4 Glasses = 4 points 
3 Glasses = 3 points
 2 Glasses = 2 points 
1 Glasses = 1 points
 0 Glasses = 0 points Exercise
1 hr + = 10 points
 45 min = 8 points
 30 min = 5 points
 15 min = 2 points
 0 min = 0 points Hours slept
 8 hours = 10 points
 7 hours = 8 points
 6 hours = 7 points
 5 hours = 5 points
 4 hours = 4 points 
3 hours = 2 points
 2 hours or less = 0 points ------------------------------------- I remember scrolling through Instagram when I was 11 and seeing this photo and not knowing what it meant. I remember standing in front of a mirror and noticing how huge my thighs were and how my body didn’t look anything like hers. I remember feeling disgust in myself for the first time. I scrolled through that blog for hours and looked at the photos of pretty girls I’d never be. I remember the next day when I skipped my first meal. Two weeks later I fasted for the first time. I remember turning 12 and not being around anyone because I had pushed everyone away because I hated how I felt around anyone that I thought was skinnier than I was. I remember my mom telling me that she thought I might be coming down with something because I was suddenly loosing so much weight. I remember my 6th grade teacher pulling me aside one day and asking me if they were treating me alright at home because of how sick I was starting to look. I remember my friends starting to ask me if I was okay and I just ignored them and walked away. I remember when my mom found rotting food in my closet that I forgot to throw away, I remember her yelling at me and asking what it was. I remember my parents searching my room and finding notebooks filled with calories and exercises and dates and self hate. I remember being admitted into a hospital the summer before my 7th grade year because I had gone from 90 pounds to 65. I remember my parents crying and my sister who was 7 asking my why my stomach was smaller than theirs and I remember the day that I tried to kill myself in the hospital using a shower curtain. I was released three months later, five days before my 7th grade year was going to start and I remember that I was finally okay again and I could finally eat a cheeseburger without clawing at my throat and stomach. And then I saw this picture again. I remember almost puking because a wave of emotion so big it almost drowned me washed over my brain. I remember how I deleted the app that I saw it on again but it was no use because I went back to staring at my thighs and how they were starting to rub and touch at the top again and how it disgusted me. And I remember repeating the same process I did back in sixth grade until I passed out because I hadn’t eaten in 5 days and I was scared to drink water because it made my stomach get a little bit bigger. And I remember more hospitals and more doctors. And I remember being nursed back to health once again and how I had no friends anymore and how my parents always fought because they blamed my diets on themselves. Months passed and things were fine again. Years passed and things got harder and tougher but never that bad. I hardly ever went on social media. Things were okay up until a few months ago, the summer before my 12 grade year. And then I saw this photo again. ------------------------------------- The trick to starving I feel like most people assume the trick to starving yourself is through restriction. No eating after 7. No eating white carbs. No this. No that. But, the more you focus on the ‘no’s, the more you want them and that’s where binging comes in to play and going mental. But, honestly it makes it so much harder. What I’ve found is actually the opposite. Not being restrictive, in the sense of not letting these thoughts be so consistently present throughout the day, is what has helped me eat less. If you build of the mentality that you don’t care, and you don’t want it and you don’t feel like eating. It’s so much easier and you’re not thinking about food all the time. You think about other more important things in life, while still being able to lose the weight you want. Just don’t focus on it so much, and eat little bit of healthy food. stay safe everyone. ------------------------------------- Some meanspo I wrote!! Hey fatass, how’s it going? I guess that’s a stupid question, because everything’s probably shitty in your life, what with you being such a fucking whale. Why do you eat so much? You don’t need to eat that much. Your body can survive on way less food than that. You have such high stores of fat that it would probably take you years to die from starvation. You may not be able to loose weight fast enough by just not eating, so what you need to do is start exercising. Like right now. Get up and stop looking at thinspo and actually workout. Do you really think that just sitting there looking at those pictures of skinny girls is going to make you as pretty as them? NO! Its wont. You need to get up off that he lazy ass of yours. Do you really actually want those skinny arms, that thigh gap, the flat stomach? Yes? Well it sure as hell doesn’t seem like it. If you really wanted to achieve it you would be working out instead of sitting on your technology like you have nothing better to do. There is always something better to do. If you’re reading this in public, walk a block or go and buy a cup of unsweetened green tea. It will raise your metabolism, whereas just sitting there will do nothing. Yes, I know working out is hard, but once you make it a habit it becomes so much easier. 21 days is all it takes to make something a habit, so start now. Start taking walks in the mornings and finishing your days off with a yoga sequence before you go to sleep. Start eating one meal a day, and make sure its salad or some other healthy food, as opposed to the fatty shit that you’re always shovelling into your mouth. Aren’t you embarrassed of those huge giggly thighs that rub together when you walk? Aren’t you sick of having a tummy instead of a flat stomach that your lover can rap their arms around? The only girls who flinch away when their stomach is being touched are fat worthless girls. They know they should be ashamed of that tummy the size of a fucking planet. Scrolling through Tumblr, always seeing the GIFs of sexy girls being touched seductively by their partners. If you keep on shovelling your fat face with food, that will never be you. Do you see those other blogs on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr, where other anorexic girls will do body checks, and other people will reblog them, or post them on their page with the caption #goals? Do you know the reason they are the ones being called goals and not you? It’s because unlike you they actually have some damn self control, and don’t feel the uncontrollable need for that fatty double cheeseburger from McDonalds. You don’t need that, what you need is a sense of self control, a salad and a bottle of water. The only girls who get reblogged are the hot ones. Notice that almost no one ever reblogs photos of fattass girls unless they’re making fun of them? Well, that practically never happens. Yes, society says to embrace your curves and all that shit. But when has society ever stuck true o that, huh? Practically never. The curves they want are a round ass, and huge shapely breasts. They don’t want a huge flappy ass, and saggy titties. So come on, stay with it, and don’t eat that unhealthy food, it will just make you fatter than you already are. ------------------------------------- You fat fuck. How about you pick up a magazine with skinny girls in it before you pick up a fork. can’t you see how big your getting. People don’t tell you this shit just to spare your feelings but your fucking fat. And I hope you fucking get hit by a car because fat girls shouldn’t be able to walk the streets. You fucking retarded shitface, listen if you want to be skinny just DON’T FUCKING EAT. Don’t you get it by now? No food = no fat. Hello? Do you fucking understand? Ugh 😑 I hate fat people, I hate you can’t you see why every time you look in the mirror you fat fuck?fat is ugly, skinny is perfect. ------------------------------------- 100 REASONS TO GET SKINNY THINSPIRATION
1. Imagine how you’ll look in tight clothes. No rolls no shame. 2. You’ll be delicate and small. No longer will you be the fat ugly friend. 3. Collarbones. Imagine having them to touch instead of just looking at them in thinspo. 4. You’ll have a thigh gap. No more chafing and no more disgusting fat just oozing off your legs. 5. Watching the scale go down every day instead of watching it go up and feeling disgusting. 6. Your sister will envy you. 7. Your friends will be jealous of your self control and tiny body. They can preach self love while secretly hating themselves all they want. It won’t matter because you’ll be thin and beautiful. 8. Thin hands and tiny wrists. 9. Delicate ankles and small calves. No longer will you be an elephant. 10. When you walk it will be virtually silent. People won’t hear you coming a mile away with disgusting hippo footsteps. You will be tiny and quiet. A shadow and a whisper. 11. People will ask how you got so thin. Oh they’ll be envious but none of them are strong enough to reach their goals. 12. For once you will be in control. No more binging, no more hunger after already eating. You will be powerful in your decision to achieve your ideal body. 13. You won’t be too embarrassed to draw yourself. 14. You won’t have to only date fat people. 15. In a relationship you will always be tinier than your partner. They’ll be able to pick you up and twirl you around. 16. People will give you piggy backs instead of you giving them. 17. Never again will you be too heavy for something. 18. You won’t be dictated by your fat anymore. Whatever you want, wear it! Everything looks good on thin. 19. Imagine how cute you’ll look in lingerie. Lace will just accentuate your tiny form. 20. Getting naked won’t be embarrassing. Let them stare. You’ll be beautiful. 21. It won’t always be unrequited love. People you didn’t have a chance with as a fat girl will love you. People need to get past the outside to see the inside. Nobody will bother getting past a disgusting fat outside. 22. Wearing makeup will be fun, not embarrassing. 23. You will be your own thinspo. 24. You’ll spend way less money on food. Food is temporary and a waste of cash. Instead spend it on games and clothes. 25. Looking in the mirror won’t make you want to break it. 26. A flat stomach is cute and tiny. 27. Your face will look thin and dainty. No more double chins and disgusting fat cheeks . 28. When people take pics of you it won’t make you want to cry. You’ll be the pretty one. 29. You won’t have to keep your hair short. Long hair won’t make you look like a greasy land whale. 30. Girls will envy you instead of pity you. 31. You’ll be the smallest person in your family. No longer will you be the fattest. 32. People will whisper about how thin you’ve gotten. 33. You’ll be light like a feather. 34. Food won’t control you. Eating is a necessity, not a crutch. 35. Think of bony shoulders. You’ll be defined and delicate instead of a shapeless mass of fat. 36. You’ll be able to count your ribs. 37. When you bend over people will be able to see the ridges of your spine. No more flubber. 38. You’ll have a tiny cute butt. 39. Thigh high socks will fit and look adorable. 40. Boots that travel up your calves will actually fit. 41. Shorts will look good on you. 42. Carnival rides won’t be embarrassing. The bar won’t touch your stomach. If anything they’ll worry you’ll slip out. You’ll be able to ride with anyone because your weight is barely anything. 43. Seat belts will fit easily. No more embarrassing struggle to strap yourself in while people silently judge you. 44. Any style will look good on you. Experimenting with fashion will be fun and interesting. Your body won’t hold you back. 45. You’ll be in the underweight category instead of the overweight one. 46. Your father won’t be ashamed of your weight. Your grandmother won’t keep getting shocked by how fat you’ve gotten. Instead she’ll fuss because you’ll be too thin. 47. There will be a huge difference in your before and after pics, and you’ll be proud. 48. You’ll finally get to fit your aesthetic. No more being ashamed of how you look. You’ll be the cute nerdy book girl instead of the fat gamer nerd slob. 49. Instead of eating you can follow hobbies like painting your nails, doing makeup, drawing, writing, and walking out in nature. 50. If you want some fun you’ll be able to hook up with someone of quality. No sloppy seconds. You’ll be first choice, not oh-my-god-never. 51. In a romance novel you’d be the beautiful thin one, not the tragic never loved fat one. 52. Shopping will be fun. You won’t have to keep looking for bigger sizes. Large will be too large. 53. If you want to you can shop at places that don’t carry plus sizes and be able to fit. 54. Changing rooms will be roomy and you won’t feel squished. Looking in the mirror to see how you look won’t be a disappointment. 55. You’ll fit in tiny spaces. No more bumping into walls when you go by. 56. Your breasts will be small and perky instead of fat. 57. Rings will look cute on your bony fingers instead of squeezing them like fat sausages. 58. The scale won’t make you want to cry. 59. Nobody will recognize you. They won’t be able to believe you went from whale to skinny. 60. Choker necklaces will look delicate and dainty on your neck. You won’t have double chins getting in the way. 61. Your jawline will be defined and sharp. No longer will you be soft edges and squishy fat. 62. You’ll be the pretty one. 63. Guys will actually like you instead of think you’re a blob of disgusting fat. 64. People will date you. 65. When you’re measured against other girls you won’t be the ugly one. 66. You’ll be able to love yourself. 67. At Halloween parties you can dress however you want and look good. No more ghosts or pumpkins. 68. Onesies. Just imagine. 69. Guys will chase you instead of you chasing them. 70. It will be okay to have something nice to eat every once in a while because you’ll be a pro at staying in control and if you do gain half a pound you can lose it just like that. 71. You could be princess carried without breaking someone’s back. 72. It’ll be “You’re so skinny” instead of “You’re not fat”. 73. When you’re at the gym you’ll be the one making people jealous and embarrassed. 74. Your feet will look delicate and dainty when wearing heels instead of like fat blobs. 75. Thinspo blogs will use your picture as thinspo instead of reverse thinspo. 76. ‘Cute’ will be the first word to describe you, not ‘nice’. 77. People will be concerned. Maybe they shouldn’t have called you fat and ugly all those years. Oh well, now you’re thin and beautiful. 78. You could be a model. 79. Crop tops will make you look cute, not fat. 80. No muffin top. 81. At family gatherings your snobby relatives will be blown away by how beautiful you’ve become. 82. Your exes will wish they’d never let you go. 83. You’ll be able to pull of cosplay like a pro. You won’t be the fat version of everyone you cosplay. 84. Every day will be exciting because you won’t hate the clothes you wear or looking in the mirror or stepping on the scale. 85. Shopping for a prom dress will be fun. You’ll look like an ethereal goddess instead of a sausage roll. 86. You’ll be able to pull off a bikini. 87. Going swimming won’t be embarrassing. You’ll be able to wear a sexy bikini without feeling like a joke. 88. You could wear baggy clothes and look stylish instead of like a slob. 89. You could wear your boyfriend’s shirt and nothing but panties and it would be the hottest thing he’d ever seen. 90. People will stare because they can’t believe you’re so beautiful, not because you look like you just crawled out of a gutter. 91. Unhealthy food will taste gross. 92. You’ll have a small stomach so when you eat small portions you’ll still feel full. 93. Eating will become so unimportant sometimes you’ll actually forget to eat instead of binging like a pig. 94. You’ll look like a ballerina. 95. If you’re eating less meat you’re helping the environment and saving animals lives. 96. No matter what else is going on in your life you will have control over your body. Nobody can take that from you. 97. Empty feels better than full. 98. Processed foods are extremely unhealthy. You’re doing yourself a favor by not eating them. 99. You’ll have so much more time and money if you’re not wasting them on food. 100. You will finally love your body. ☆Remember to stay safe. We want to be skinny, not dead. You can’t slay with a killer body if you’re decomposing six feet under. Be kind to yourself. Every pound is progress. ------------------------------------- Dear me, You can eat that piece of cake when you’re at your goal weight.
You can have that burger as soon as your stomach is flat when you sit down.
You can drink that milkshake when your thighs don’t touch.
I promise , you can have anything you want for a day as soon as you reach what you’ve been trying to for 4 fucking years, but right now? Right now, you can drink 8 glasses of water a day, exercise your ass off, skip some meals, don’t eat those sweets, don’t binge, don’t give in. You got this. 
It’ll only take a couple months to get to where you want to be if you try. Just try for me, for us, please. 
That’s all you’ve wanted forever. 
You can’t keep looking at thinspo wishing that was you.
Make it you. -------------------------------------

[binnie-loves-dark]

Thanks for the tag lovely @donghyucksbutterfly 💖(sorry this has taken me so long to do)

1. why did you choose your url?

Changbin is my ult and his whole cute 'Binnie' persona makes me so weak, plus the whole 'I love dark' thing still makes me laugh🙈

2. do you have any sideblogs? if you do, name them and say why you have them.

I used to years ago but now I only have @my-room-to-breathe where I reblog anything and everything non kpop/skz related

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

September 2015, but I deleted everything and started a fresh in July 2019

4. do you have a queue tag?

No

5. why did you start your blog?

Mostly because I was bored. I was only working part time then so had a lot of time on my hands and I didn't like twitter or Instagram in comparison to here

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It's an edit I did of Binnie with Dwaekki, which kind of suits my blog

7. why did you choose your header?

Again another edit I made because I want to see cute Binnie everytime I'm on here, plus his arm heart is so cute🥺

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

Probably a Changbin smut I wrote a while back🙈🤭

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I don't even know, I haven't properly been on here for a while but there's about 5 mutuals here I speak to occasionally?

10. how many followers do you have?

233

11. how many people do you follow?

182

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

No?

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

It varies so much, but probably a few hours each night

14. have you ever had a fight/argument with another blog? who won?

Yeah🙄 I don't think there was any winners, maybe me since we never spoke after it and blocked each other? (it was pathetic but at least I saw their true colours, just wish others could to)

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to compare this’ posts?

I don't know what this means?

16. do you like tag games?

Yes but I often forget to do them like this one🤦🏼‍♀️

17. do you like ask games?

Yes when people actually ask stuff (which is like never😩)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I don't think I'm mutuals with any big/famous blogs but they are all much better and bigger than mine so...

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Tbh I don't really get 'crushes' as such even irl, I find it really hard to connect with people and I've got to connect before I get said 'crush'. But there are one or two mutuals I'd say at times I'm close with..

Tagging: @chans-starlight @miniaturealienllamahumanoid @confused-stay @minouminho @bythesunnotbythemoon @hwangscorpio @donghyucks-noona @insanatiny @xxbangchanswifexx @minbinlix and anyone else I've missed and wants to do this💕

#Tag game #This is kind of an about me too I guess?