#i should be happy im doing online!! it's so much better for my family we're saving so much money since i dont have to worry abt housing

[leoraannexx]

my other multiverse.

hi.

again, like i always say, it's been a while since i did blog again. this Christmas break i have been busy cleaning my room, organizing my collection of photocards, been frequently outside with my family and i haven't had much time to open my laptop and write something.

my mind is in chaos right now, i don't know how to feel, but it feels just like you know it will happen but the least you expected it to come true at least. my mind dove into the depths of the unknown and i feel like i've lost my identity in some way. i know it's my mistake because all along, i tried to build and know myself in the best way and i have labeled so much of myself while i was been undiagnosed for so long. most often i feel proud saying, i have adhd, i have depression all because i was confident and i feel like i have accepted the fact that i have it all. but not until then i went online to see my very first psychiatrist, Doc Liezl.

she asked the reason for consult, i said i have insomnia and severe anxiety, she asked about the family background and how i get along with them, i told her that i'm in good terms with them now but i cannot be more open to my mental health needs because they would only dismiss it. she didn't ask any more questions aside from what else can i ever acquire my anxiety from. but i blame it to the pandemic, i became so isolated and the feelings arise in an extreme level. i told her i have depression and that i have intention of harming myself, but not for long. 2023 is my healing period, i have overcome everything (i think so), that's why facing 2024 is a whole new journey for me because i want to be diagnosed early and to become even more prepared in the future.

in the course of my existence, i saw fluctuating anxiety and depression go hand in hand whenever i have life transitions. i get used to just have them, feeling it every single day, there are days i don't want to exist and it's fine, there are times i make excuses not to attend events because i'm anxious and it's okay too. not until then i had so many anxiety attacks over the years and now it was lessened but when it happens, it's so severe that i couldn't get up from bed and i almost don't sleep.

Doc Liezl has heard all of this. She is much aware from the start that i have core symptoms of anxiety -- intense fear, fatigue and lack of sleep. that brought to her attention of diagnosing me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), which is i'm not surprised having with. before i came to her, i was thinking a lot if i have ADHD, borderline personality and that GAD. but after being diagnosed, i just realized that there's much to it. i cannot just rely on the criteria and tell myself i have it. an experienced psychiatrist should diagnose me and do a lot of tests for me to get over with my symptoms. currently i was prescribed with an antidepressant and an antipsychotic. She said that i have a lot of thoughts in my head and that her goal is to keep me calm first and have better sleep before she conducts other assessments for me like ADHD and bipolar assessments and stuff.

i don't know if this feels normal for someone who has been diagnosed, i don't know if feeling confused is just normal or if feeling a little bit under the weather is okay. she told me that my depressive symptoms shifted into anxiety symptoms and that anxiety has become my core symptom that lead to GAD. i didn't think of it that way but i have understood it better because of her.

hoping for brighter days but im just glad that i have more time to spend for myself this week and of course another time to reflect on things properly before i go back to work soon.

happy 2024 everyone. the journey of striving to get to know yourself is really difficult but once you've stepped on top, it will be a straight and longer road ahead, and we're much ready to face it soon.

i just want to be happy, that's what i always say to myself.

#blog #GAD #generalizedanxietydisorder #anxiety #mentalhealth #2024

[butteraway]

when time runs out | iv

⋆ summary:  A young girl has fallen deeply ill with an unknown disease in her, so with all her free time spent in an empty hospital room, she spends it online playing video games. That's until she meets her cousins friends, one spiking her interest with his extremely vulgare language.

pairing: bakugou katsuki x reader

word count: 2.5k

warnings: none

authors note: I wanna say im so sorry for lying to yall about that extra chapter KJDFFF😭😭 ALSO @chibiiichann I APOLOGIZE FOR SPAMMING YOU WHENEVER I REPLIED TO YOU💀 A DIFFERENT ACC WOULD POP UP BUT THE FIRST CHAPTER WAS AN INTRODUCTORY CHAPTER EXPLAINING THE OC'S CONDITION JFJDJD

"HAHA! I GOTCHU NOW LOSER!" Y/N smashed the buttons on her controller, basically on the edge of her bed. A grunt was heard through her headphones, then a loud bang with laughing in the background. Y/N felt her stomach turn at the sound of this, feeling a little left out, but smiled nonetheless.

"HOW'D YOU EVEN DO THAT?!! YOU’RE DOING SOME HACKING MY GUY!" Denki yelled through the laughing in the background, hands pulling at his hair. He seriously couldn't believe it!

"I'm not! I just wanted to show Sero I'm way better at this game than you are. And turns out I am!" Y/N let out a loud laugh, falling backwards onto her pillow. After finding out that 'Tape Dispenser' went to her cousin’s school by hearing his voice in the back of Denki's room, she got to learn more about this Sero dude. She already knew this after their last game a few nights ago, but he was so chill. It was still insane for her to find out that her cousin and online friend went to the same hero school. The coincidences in this world. Y/N thought as she grinned.

"It's okay Kaminari, you still lasted a long time! But you did get brutally beat by Y/N at the end though..." Sero said, trying to raise Denki's low spirits, but only succeeded in making him more miserable. Rustling was heard through Y/N's headphones, making it obvious that there was movement happening.

"You don't understand Sero! THIS IS THE ONLY GAME I COULD FULLY BEAT THIS GIRL IN!" Denki shook Sero by the shoulders, quickly doing the action. Cackling was heard through the speakers while the girl wiped a tear from her eye. Sero laughed along, as he was pushed to the ground by Denki. His arms were crossed as he looked away, upset that Y/N managed to finally beat him in every game they played.

"It's okay Denki, not everyone can be as good as me!" Y/N exclaimed, getting up from her bed to start taping specific parts of her room. Kaminari continued to complain about his defeat to Sero, who only chuckled in response. As she finished taping the bottom of the walls, Y/N sat back on her bed, sighing in content.

"So, how are you? I'm doing terribly after being utterly destroyed by you, by the way." Said Kaminari, opening his water bottle and taking large gulps from it. Y/N felt her face light up as she remembered to tell Kaminari of her future activity.

"Bro, you won't believe this! So, basically, they're actually letting me paint my room! All by myself! How fricking cool is that?!" The girl laughed out loud, jumping on her bed in excitement. Kaminari's eyes widen, in surprise and slight fear, sitting up and taking in the new information.

"Wait, really? But isn't that like extremely dangerous? Cuz of the chemicals and what not??" He tried his best to keep his voice leveled, not noticing Sero look at him weirdly. That guy had no idea what was happening.

"Well, they said that they were gonna do something to the paint so it won't hurt me or anything, I don't know what, but-" Y/N was cut off by an extremely confused Sero. "Wait wait wait, hold on. I don't understand what's happening. How can paint harm you? Besides like...eating it. And what do you mean by 'finally getting to paint your room?’ Silence was the only answer he got. Sero gulped in embarrassment, thinking he asked a really personal question.

"Um, it's nothing du-" A loud 'shhhhhhh' was heard from Y/N, who let out a shaky breath. She never really told anyone, it's not like she could either way, being confined in the hospital room for a long time. She pushed a loose strand of her away from her face, preparing herself to tell Sero.

"Well, the reason is because I basically live in a hospital. I can't go outside, or have 'unpurified' air, as the doctors like to say, meaning my interactions with people and the outside world are extremely limited. That means anything that's not cleared of dust and germs, I guess, can be extremely harmful for me? As pathetic as it sounds, it could actually kill me, haha." It was quiet as Sero took in the information, a large wave of emotions crashing on him. A person shouldn't have to be locked in a room for the rest of their life. Especially someone who is such a sweet person like Y/N.

"I-I'm so sorry to hear that Y/N. If you don't mind me asking, how...how long have you been in the hospital?" The young girl answered with a quick 'Two years', and that's when Sero felt his stomach twist uncomfortably. Kaminari abruptly got up and headed towards his door.

"I'm gonna get something to eat, you want something dude?" Kaminari's voice was low and trembling. It didn't take a genius to see that the blonde haired boy needed some time alone. "No thanks." Kaminari let out a hum, quickly exiting his room and closing the door shut. Sero heard the loud sniffs that slowly faded away, as he hung his head down.

"Hey, you good Sero? That was probably a lot to take in, sorry." Sero shook his head, letting a sad smile adorn his face. "It's fine, really. I actually feel honored that you're comfortable telling me. Feels like we're getting closer, to be honest." He smiled happily, meaning every word he said. And Y/N knew that. "Ha, we are though!" The air was tense, despite the two teenagers being in different rooms.

Y/N went to clear her throat, but was interrupted when a light knock echoed throughout her room. "Someone there?" Sero asked, noticing her silence and hearing the very faint knocking.

"Yeah, um Sero, I'll call you guys later, my doctor wants to talk." Y/N quickly replied, seeing Receen open the door and walk in with his thin suit on. Sero let out an ok and they hang up. Y/N finally took in how the doctor looked, noticeable eye bags under his blue-grey eyes, from lack of sleep. His dark hair slightly tousled, probably from putting on the protective helmet that came with the suit, and a small smile on his welcoming face. And a large container of paint in his left hand. Her eyes immediately lit up.

"What’s up doc? I see you have something in your hand, can I see it closer?" The small girl asked, getting up and making a grabbing motion with her hands. Receen chuckled, lifting up the paint for Y/N to see. Even if he were to hand her the container, she wouldn't be able to hold. She was just too weak. Said girl let out a high pitch 'OOOO ' in excitement.

"I'm not sure if you wanted more, but we managed to get you your favorite color! This should be enough to paint the room, you can even put a second layer if you want." Receen walked over to where Y/N put all the equipment, opening the container of paint. And with a low grunt from him, the lid was opened. Y/N watched with amazement as the doctor poured the soft looking paint into a tray. She picked up a roller near her, and drowned the roller in paint, the white fluff getting covered in color.

The two began painting, Y/N's hand shaking every now and then. After painting half the room, they sat in silence, resting for a while. Receen seemed to be tense, though Y/N didn't seem to notice since she was too happy to speak. Receen let out a breath, breaking the silence, causing Y/N to look towards him.

"I didn't get to ask you how you were, did I Y/N? How are you?" Said girl let a beaming smile spread on her face, causing Receen to slightly squint his eyes from the intensity of her smile. "Honestly, I haven't felt this happy in a very long time! I actually still can't believe you guys really let me do this! Thank you so much!"

Receen gave her a small smile while rubbing the back of his neck. "It's not a problem, you could’ve asked sooner and gotten this done a long time ago. You've been here for two years, so please don't be afraid of asking for things!" At the mention of her time spent in the hospital, Y/N lowered her head, causing Receen to wince. Well, might as well tell her. The doctor cleared his throat and began to talk.

"Y/N, as you are aware, I, along with many other doctors and scientists, have been working hard for you to be able to go outside again. To see your family, hug them, be a normal kid again." There was a pause and that alone caught Y/N's attention. She looked up at him. "There is a way for you to finally do that, Y/N."

Shock evident on the girl's face, she abruptly stood up and faced the doctor. There was absolutely no way anyone could have found a cure for someone like her. Someone who had an incurable sickness. Someone who was too sick, to even have medicine. He's lying. Y/N narrowed her eyes at the grown man sitting in front of her.

"With all due respect Doctor, I highly doubt that ​​that's possible. Cuz, y'know? I basically have an incurable disease? I mean, like, even if you did manage to find a way for me to leave this place, how do you even know it's gonna work? I don't think you've tried this medicine since no one in recorded hospital documents in the past have had people like that checked in before-"

"How do you even know that?"

"-so how do you truly know it'll work?" Y/N quickly finished, completely ignoring his statement. Receen sighed, scratching his head. "We live in a world where quirks exist. Would you believe me if I told you centuries ago that the human race would evolve to have super powers? It's kind of like that, but not really." Y/N eyed him suspiciously. He's avoiding the question.

Receen looked straight at the girl standing in front of him. He felt slightly intimidated by her piercing gaze. He quickly looked away and got up, towering over Y/N's small frame. Then he smiled. "Y/N, you are a very sweet girl, no doubt about it. I know how much you want to get out of here, and I want to help you. My team has created this almost perfect pill, especially suited for your sickness. I know you're very cautious, just like your mother, but I can only reassure you, that these are your ticket out of here." He pulled out the bottle from his protective suit, shaking it in front of [Y/N].

Her eyes widened as she restrained herself from reaching out and snatching the bottle. Her eyes slightly narrowed as she pulled herself together. Crossing her arms and slightly tilting her upwards, she looked into the doctor's bright eyes. "There's always a catch when it comes to these kinds of things. What's the price if I take these? My lifespan shortens, I only have five hours to go outside, it drugs me or something?"

"I'm hurt you think I would just give you these without setting out the consequences." There was a slight glint in his eyes before it quickly disappeared. Y/N hummed, urging the doctor to continue.

"There are exactly 15 pills in here. And consuming just one of these bad boys right here, would allow you to go outside! Though, time is very important when taking these. You'd have 10 hours before the pills effects wear off. These would dull your hypersensitive senses, but not to a point where you can't feel, smell or do anything. No no, it'd just be like how you were before. You'd feel slightly dizzy and be a little itchy, but besides that, nothing too extreme. It just dulls all your body senses down." Receen gave Y/N a small smile. She looked a little weary, unsure if what he said was true. She looked at the bottle then back to Doctor Receen, fingers twitching every now and then. Breathing in and letting it out slowly, Y/N stared straight into the doctor's eyes.

If I take these, I can finally go out. I can hug mom and dad, I can be around Denki again. I can meet Sero face to face and feel the grass again! I can be... happy again. But if these don't actually work, I'd immediately die on the spot. I'd be able to go outside though. Aah, so much going outside, I can meet new people! I don't wanna spend the rest of my days slowly rotting away in here anyway.

"So Y/N, are you going to take them or let all our time go to waste?"

Sero looked at his hands solemnly, thinking about what Y/N had told him. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, then lightly slapped his cheeks to stop the wave of emotions from spilling out.

"Yo, you good dude? It's not everyday I see someone willingly slapping themselves." Kaminari chuckled, walking in and closing the door with his foot as he carried a soda bottle and a bag of chips towards the boy sitting on his bed. Sero grinned, feeling the sadness of everything wash away.

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine. But what about you though? After we had that conversation, you were, well, umm... kind of out of it." Kaminari froze, letting a dejected smile appear on his face. Dragging a hand down his face, he let out a sorrowful laugh.

"She's my best friend. My first real, true friend. She's basically my sister at this point. So when she collapsed that day, I felt my whole world crashing down. She is the sweetest, the most kindest, person I have ever met. She never let me degrade myself, alway cheered me up when people called me stupid." Kaminari rubbed his eyes, opening the bag of chips and plopping one of them into his mouth.

"It hasn't been the same ever since she left, her parents barely come over anymore, and they're always so sad whenever I see them. My own parents aren't the same either, they treated her like their own daughter. I can't even begin to imagine how Y/N feels about this all. She was the top in our grade, highest scores in our test. No one could compare to her. M-my heart breaks for her. She lost everything." Sero let that information sink in, thinking about how she was before. He smiled as he saw Kaminari's shoulders begin to shake. He cares so much for her.

He put his hand on his shoulder, watching Kaminari slowly lift his face towards him. "Come here you emotional ball of feelings." Being the friendly guy he is, Sero gave the sobbing boy a hug, cuz hugs fix everything.

"No homo though bro." And with that, they both laughed out loud, continuing their bro day.

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou katuski x reader #mha #bnha #mha angst #bnha fluff #bnha x reader #fanfic

[hwajin]

disclaimers: this is f!reader angst, expect nothing from me i have bad grammar and im mentally drained. tnx -lorelei/🥟

* minho made an update as i was writing.

心做し (224) ft. 이민호

day 1

to say the least, you were annoyed. too annoyed at the fact you couldn't concentrate in the first day of class. "you should really talk it out with him." jeongin said at you with a concerned look. "i'm not angry i just, hate being second all the time. c'mon ayen, you know that since the first day we became friends."

you were once y/n, the transferee girl. you sat beside jeongin on your first day, who thought you looked cute on your first day.

coincidentally, you liked his friend. a senior who was named minho. assuring to yourself and jeongin that it was nothing more than a crush was the hardest part. being drunk at a party and confessing to him had become what you quote "the best thing i've ever did".

after class ended, you decided to stick with jeongin who became class president and now is tasked to clean the classroom. why were you there? you really trusted him, a lot and as a friend.

"hyung!" jeongin called out to your supposed boyfriend who was walking toward your classroom.

"y/n-ah, bubs, cutie" he said, ignoring the male and rushing to give you a warm hug. "if you feel less, remember i love you so much. today tomorrow forever, remember?" he told you and you just stood there, uncertain how to react.

"y/n you should go home, i'll be waiting for seungmin too." jeongin said with a warm smile, looking at your annoyed face that contrasts minho's neutral face.

for some reason, you and minho walked home not even talking. "i'm-" "please dont remind me again." you coldly said. "i'll make it up to you. iced coffee?" he asked as you shrugged, thinking of your answer but your heart said yes after a second he asked the question.

"i'm super sorry i've been insecure." you muttered while intertwining both your arms. "no big deal. remember that she's a friend." he said as he rubbed your fingers.

you've never really been anyone's first choice, in middle school you never really had a permanent set of friends that treated you like a friend. you were always rejected and your parents never really cared for you as much as other parents do. you knew you grew up quickly, and you're trying to fix yourself as much as you can.

"oh look, the theme park is open today." he said, pointing outside to the moving ferris wheel. "come on, we are fixing the blue, making it color yellow." he said while dragging you outside the coffee shop as you silently drink your coffee.

he put your bangs down slightly, smiling at what he did and ruffles your hair softly. "my y/n is so cute. she's pretty, nice and she is the first person in my mind. "

"minho?" there she was, the girl you hate the most. minho's first love. his family loves her that sometimes you get compared to her. you knew of her existence, unsure if she knew yours though. "ah this must be your new girlfriend!"

noticing your uneasy gazes, minho spoke up. "hi, yeah and we're leaving." he said. "i really don't know where the entrance is, can i come with you? i'm meeting up with my friends." she pouted as you nodded.

"yeah, you're y/n, super cute. minho and you were together since last year? congrats!" she asked and minho was the one to answer. "yeah, here's the entrance to the theme park." he scoffed and held your hand tighter while you walked towards the ferris wheel.

day 2

the next day, you had to bring it up to jeongin and seungmin, people you trusted the most. "yeah its kinda like in a teasing way, i absolutely hate it. its like she wants to punch me in the face and move me out of her way!"

"oh my god, never be a punch bag you can move around." jeongin said. "i'm not a punchbag!" you said in an enthusiasic tone "Y/N ISNT A PUNCHBAG." seungmin accidentally said too loudly, causing the librarian to look and he bowed his head to say sorry. "my bad." he said and the three of you laughed quietly.

day 94

and, you knew it was coming.

after months, she always found a way to be closer to him. after all, she did know him better. while losing time for you, he remembered all the points on why she was his first love after all.

"minho... please dont hurt me anymore mentally. if you want to break up with me, im sorry. i dont know. i just feel too conflicted. i... hate this so much. i want to die. " was the first words you said as he opened up to your door. "i love you y/n." "its always i love you y/n, i love you y/n, fuck do you even mean them?! words aint enough, atleast spend some time with me. i... absolutely hate this."

collapsing to his arms, he felt his tears rushing down his cheeks. "i never knew you felt like that." he said as he caressed your hair. "now you know." you said, as he kissed your tears away. "can we move somewhere else?" he asked, talking about the awkward position you have on the doorway that made you smile.

day 156

"wow, it's snowing!" you said as you tugged minho's arm. "babe, please pay attention to me." you say to your boyfriend over and over again, who has been focusing on his project. you knew it was hard for him, but it was a sunday. and it was a group project. "you done your part yesterday-" "let me finish this first." he said with a scary tone, realizing what he said he decided to let it be for a few moments.

why am i being like this? he asked himself, looking at his girlfriend. his girlfriend, he reminded himself. perhaps he forgot? is his first love comig back to his life?

day 183

"and... thats what i knew. " you said over and over again. "y/n..." "stop messing around with me! you knew i couldve told hwang hyunjin from class c that! i couldve told your friend jisung, i had a crush on them too, but i chose you, and i never regretted it for, one and a half year. you dont even remember our anniversary? could you just ever..." you said, walking away.

"but i wasn't your first choice either." he spit out, and that made you get very angry. "what about now? who is your first choice now, my first choice now would be you. after that day i confessed it became you, i didnt even force myself to. it was because, you were minho i loved. can i... get him back. but fuck no, you played me." you said, and he breathed in and out.

after hours of silence, you left your phone, he noticed. opening the chats and backreading everything, that was the time where indeed he was wrong, he was wrong in all aspects. he never says sorry, its always her. and his phone rang, it was the girl again. he felt a jolt in his heart reading her name, butterflies in his stomach, but he knew there was y/n.

"ah fuck, this is all my fault."

day 192

a week or so since you havent gone to school, thats when you realized your mom cared and told you advice, went online shopping with you. its just that you always view everything negatively.

"someone wants to see you." she said, you hoped it was minho who would tell you sorry.

"y/n... its jeongin and seungmin. i have notes here compiled, even though im from another class. jeongin has english here, are you fine? " they asked while you explained everything.

day 194

deciding to go to school although minho was there was a bad thing. the day consisted of you being mentally unstable, and that wasnt the cherry on top.

"why are you here?" you said once you went out the school campus. "because, i want to. iced coffee?" again, blindly saying yes.

day 200

if you love her, dont be nice anymore. chanted in your head, but cant be said.

" why are you so nice, i know you've fallen out of love. " and he smiled as he looked again at the movie.

"minho. please, give me closure. stop being nice. treat me like a servant. swear at me. tell me im a bitch, whore, i dont know degrade me! please leave my heart alone, i cant cry anymore."

and so he thought for a moment, i cant do that.

day 210

holding you close again while you violently react, he caressed your face softly. tracing each feature and wiping your tears.

screaming, crying, like the storm. but he still held you up, like how he does to you everytime. "it's fine now."

day 224

"if i had a hole in my heart, how do i fix it?" she asked him, the man who she hasnt talked to in 2 weeks. "you've known what it is." he replied subtly.

"its not today tomorrow forever anymore huh. two day, two morrow and four ever. and its feb 24. fucking want to collapse or you just hit me and degrade me like what i said." and you watched him shake his head. "you cant split a heart into two and think it would still work, cant you?"

"but, you can break one into pieces and then they'd pretend its fine." she says with a bitter smile. "please be happy." and those words, those simple words were the confirmation. it was such a bitersweet love, everyone finds their way out of this somehow.

oof wait a minute i gotta read this later I DON'T HAVE TIME RN BUT EVERYONE GO READ

#🥟 anon #kathys asks #kathys cute ass anons

[illfoandillfie]

Your readings are always on point, last you made for me helped a LOT ...things are getting kinda better but not completely...but we're getting there. One thing I can't seem to do in the right way is love & relationships. I can't go outside a lot so I tried online dating but after a week or two they all started to ghost me or I'm having a general bad luck.

So what I'm asking here is a general love reading, because I truly don't understand what's going on 😔

im glad to hear things have been getting a little better for you darl, hopefully that means they’ll be turning around properly soon! Here’s you’re love reading, i hope it helps!

tarot: 9 of wands, 2 of swords, 5 of swords, page of pentacles, 9 of wands, temperance, 5 of swords, 7 of cups, the sun

okay so, we got a few double up cards here which is very interesting. The likelihood of the same card coming out in the same position from two different decks is so tiny and yet it happened twice here! The first time is with the 9 of wands, so something about this card is Important. The 9 of wands is about resilience, strength in adversity, and success after setbacks. Obviously, things have been kind of rough lately, in general from the sounds of your message, but also specifically related to romance and your love life. That’s what this card is about but it’s also saying that, though things might feel hard how, if you keep pushing and keep trying and hold out a bit longer, things can get better. This card is related to delays and obstacles but it can all be overcome with a little time and resilience. 

The next card is the 2 of swords which is about difficult choices. The suit of swords is related to the mind and our thoughts so this card is talking about an internal conflict of sorts. It’s likely about indecision or feeling uncertain about where you’re headed in regards to love or why things haven’t been working out for you so far. But Temperance is a card of patience. She’s a symbol of moderation and self-control and maintaining an inner balance. Interestingly Temperance can also represent unfulfilled desires which sounds pretty on point. Basically these cards are telling you not to worry about it too much and not to do anything rash to try and force something to happen faster. Go with the flow and let situations develop naturally. If a guy you were talking to blows you off or ghosts you then he wasn’t the right guy. You can’t control the actions of other people but you can work on yourself, keep yourself balanced and calm. That might mean managing your expectations about the next guy you talk to so that you don’t end up disappointed, or it might mean taking some time to think about exactly what you want and why. Whatever you do, be patient. 

Our third column is where we have our second repeated card: the 5 of swords. This is an interesting card to come out here. On one hand the 5 of swords is about unbridled ambition and a win-at-all-costs type of mentality. Like, when you want something so bad you don’t care who you have to push out of the way to get it. It’s the sort of ambition that creates conflict. And related to that is a kind of self-involved energy where your so wrapped up in your own shit that you don’t really notice the people around you. But then on the other hand this card can be about persistence and having greater self knowledge - learning from mistakes and learning from hardship. I think bits of both messages are relevant.  Persistence is definitely a similar message to what we got from Temperance and the 9 of wands. Don’t give up completely but also be aware that this shit takes time and things can’t change overnight. But before I get into the relevance of the other message lets look at that extra card.

The third card in this column is the 7 of cups which is a card about daydreams and fantasies. I think this card really emphasises that sort of self-involved aspect of the 5 of swords. Sometimes it’s easier to live in our fantasies, to spend our time daydreaming about what we want from a partner without thinking about what we bring to the table. Okay, you want a partner who works out but not so much that it’s all they talk about and they offer to mow the lawn because they know you hate doing it and on weekends they cook pancakes for breakfast and they’re well groomed and tidy and always floss and remember to wash their ass but they’re not the sort to go crazy over a little mess and they’re a good shag and like to make you laugh and whatever else might be on your IDEAL PARTNER shopping list. But what would you bring to the relationship? What vibes do you have? What work are you doing on yourself? What makes you a good partner? Why should anyone consider dating you? Daydreams and fantasies can be self-involved as fuck and it’s dangerous to live in them for too long because you lose sight of what real people are like and you forget that relationships are work and you can’t pick and choose a person’s qualities and you have to give as much as you take. And that is why that 5 of swords card is there. 

Finally we have our page of pentacles. The page of pentacles symbolises ambition, desire and diligence. He’s thoughtful and introspective and learning how to be himself. Kind of romantic and very playful and goofy. The page could represent you or someone else - either someone you know or (more likely in my opinion) someone you’ll meet, possibly a potential partner. He’s being clarified by the Sun card which is pure positivity and happiness. Which is why I’m inclined to say he’s a potential romantic partner. Pages can also represent messages so it’s possible you’ll meet this person through a dating app and they’ll message you or at least respond favourably to your messages. Being a Page this person might be a little younger than you or a little less experienced/mature. It could also be that they’re a student as the page of pentacles is related to study and scholarship. Whoever this person is they’re likely someone who you can be happy with and with whom you can build a positive relationship. 

Now onto your oracles: 

from the believe in your own magic deck: Confidence - it comes with time and practice

This is definitely tied to those messages we got about things taking time to happen. It can be hard to feel confident and to keep believing that something will happen when things don’t seem to be going in your favour but don’t give up! fake it until you make it if you have to. 

Your love oracle is Marie Antoinette. This card has 3 pieces of advice - one for one night stands, one for long term relationships, and one for family/friends. I’ll give you all three though because you might find more than one feel relevant or speak to you in some way but if things don’t resonate then don’t worry about them, those messages aren’t for you. 

So Marie Antoinette says: Be the dessert not the entrée // No man is worth losing your head over // See all, hear all, love all, forget all. 

To me that second one really fits in with the messages from the tarot. The idea of not worrying about people who don’t bother to respond to your messages. They’re not worth thinking or worrying about and they don’t reflect your self-worth. 

Your heart card says: Don’t make decisions based on guilt or what you think you should do, for it is only in being true to yourself that you can be true to others. 

This could relate to that indecision that the 2 of swords spoke of. If you’re contemplating connecting with someone without being really sure you want to, this is a sign not to bother. Don’t do something if you don’t feel right about it. And don’t try to lie to yourself because you know the truth. This could also tie into that 5 of swords/7 of cups energy in regards to being honest to yourself about what you could bring to a relationship. 

From the Spellcasting deck we have: Good Luck

Lucky energy surrounds you and your luck is going to change soon. This is an invitation to step away from negative outlooks and grab opportunities with both hands. This could also indicate that keeping an eye out for synchronicities and meaningful coincidences in your life that may herald the change of luck (eg: hearing a specific song on the radio at key times, seeing your lucky number at random). 

And finally you have 2 cards from the secret garden deck: Weed (don’t tolderate less than you deserve) and Self-care (tend to your garden). 

Weed is definitely related to those messages of persistence and resilience. Keep looking for what you want and don’t settle for people who don’t respect you or treat you right. If they ghost you then make them vanish from your mind because they just aren’t worth it. Self-care is a pretty obvious one I think but a nice note to end on. Look after yourself. Do things that make you happy, protect your heart. 

#card readings