#i should go to sleep. its 1am but i cant go to sleep bc im filled w/ sm love.

[ritualofthehabit]

God ive been up for an hour just fucking angsting bc my grandma keeps like…. Getting cold in the night and blasting the heat to a point of insanity. Minneapolis isnt even cold rn (for MN) and i cant sleep bc im hot…. In February. Ive been here for like less than 48 hours and im insanely miserable lmao. I lowkey just hate Minneapolis so much i tried to like it but i never did like its gross being here. I accidentally left all my weed at home and im an everyday smoker….

so far i have been stressed out by my mom since before even getting on the plane, where she fully did not leave me alone for the full 3 hours (classic “mom talking to you the minute your headphones are in”) and then like the deal we made was pretty much that i would help my grandparents during the day (my mom is here with me but still working remotely ) and do my own thing at night and I already suspect my mom is not going to respect our deal. I know last night was our first real full day and night here but like. Dude its been so rough. It takes so much patience with my grandparents (old ppl in general, and my grandma is mean and my grandpa is losing it) and my grandma wouldnt let me drive yesterday but her driving frightens me. My grandpa cant drive anymore at all but my grandma will keep relying on his directions (he used to be a delivery driver) despite the fact that he seems to be developing altzeimers.

Yesterday in the evening my grandpa forgot who i was. It was the first time where I witnessed him having a complete lapse of memory and recognition rather than mild old age forgetfulness. He started asking me questions he should know the answer to, like where i grew up, then asked how i know my mom. I kinda just excused myself.

at that point i was waiting for them to go to bed bc honestly i was just gonna take their car and fuck off somewhere and at least be alone. But my mom decided it was a good time to watch the Navalny documentary thats on netflix (with my grandparents) which like. Cool, thanks mom, good to see youre not as insanely stressed as i am. Maybe you will be after realizing my grandparents dont have the ability to read subtitles quickly and youre all watching a documentary that is extremely heavy. So instead of my grandparents going to bed at a reasonable hour for old people they stayed up til 1am!!! And i just had to like go be in a room alone in their house (repeatedly asked if i was going to watch the doc. I said yes but never left the room)

all of this while stone fucking sober (which im not used to at all) fuck.

[baekhvuns]

hi

-🍤 IS THIS THE SHRIMP EMOJI IDK I HAVE A NEW PHONE AND THE EMOJIS R DIFFERENT HELP

HI 😭😭😭

oh my i just checked qhen my last ask was and IT WAS A MONTH AGO OH MY im not even sure if that was actually my last ask..😭😭😭 my typos are back now bcs i cut my long precious beautiful nails bcs.. i had to😔💔 NOW I CANT FuNCTION PROPERLY WITH THESE STUBBY FINGERS

JFBWKDHWK IT FELT LIKE UR ASK WAS LAST WEEK !!!! omg how tf do u write with them nails 😭😭😭🤚🏼 doesn’t the tick tick bother u 😭😭 YOU SHOULD GET ACRYLICS or those press on nails 👁🤚🏼👁

HOW HAVE U BEEN BFF MY LOVE MY SWEET BABY MY BFF MY HONEYPIE😭😭❤️ I HOPE YOUVE BEEN DOING FINE,,  I FORGOT TUMBLR EXISTED I WAS BUSY WITH SCHOOL😭

HI BFF IVE BEEN VERY WELL FINISHING UP MR BODYGUARD HWA !!!! NO WORRIES HOPE UR SCHOOL WAS GOOD AND U HAD GOOD GRADES 😭😭

anyways HOW ARE YOU? hope youve been taking good care of yourself, dont skip meals and ofc stay hydrated! not too hydrated bcs that could kill u... but u get what i mean

hello mother, 😭😭 im very well !!!!! i have not skipped meals fbwnd i had miss rona but im all better now hOW ARE YOU???

THIS WAS LIKE.. LAST MONTH I THINK BUT THE POOL PHOTOS OH LORD GOD DID I TALK ABT IT HERE I DONT REMEMBER BUT IF I DID GODDAMN😔💔 sannies tiddies are just.. too big his shoulders cant even fit the screen anymore ALSO PARK SEONGHWA OH MY🥵🥵🥵

BFMABDKAXBM YES THE POOL PICTURES YES WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT HERE ABSOLUTELY NOT BFNSFK stop no mr choi’s shoulders are MASSIVE

THE TRAILERS NWISKAKSJA TRAILER 1 WAS WOW BUT TRAILER 2 WAS WOW WOW LITERAL GOOSEBUMPS WHILE WATCHING THE TRAILERS FOR THE COMEBACK ATEEZ ARE SO COOL their lore is so well written and well planned i cannot comprehend🤧🤧

NO LITERALLY THE BUDGET AND EVERYTHING THE SCREEN AND THE CGI AND THE ARTISTRY 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼 we absolutely need a published book of their lore bc it’s so massively mind blowing

THE CONCEPT PHOTOS OH LORDDDDD GOODBYE /// I SAW THIS ONE EDIT OF SEONGHWA RIDING A SKATEBOARD JWJSJWJSJA LIKE THE PIC FROM THE RECENT PHOTOS LIKE THE RED OUTFIT YK WJIDKAJSA HES SO HOT GODDAMN GOODBYE

THE ORANGE VERSION HAS THE BEST PHOTOS THOSE RACING OUTFITS AND THE HAIRS AND THE ANGLES AND THE CONTACTS??? THEIR DESIGNER BETTER GET A RAISE FOR THESE

also.. mingi oh lord MINGMINGIMINGIMINGI HIS PHOTOS ARE JUST.. HE JUST KNOWS HOW TO POSE FOR THE CAMERA

HES A MODEL DISGUISED AS A IDOL his hair???? 😮‍💨😮‍💨

ALL OF THEM LOOK SO COOL and ik there are probably hidden items in the photos that is a spoiler for their lore but im too dumb for that shit SO WKDJAJHSHA /// ALSO WHAT AM I READING HERE WDYM BODYGUARD HWA TOMORROW.. HAVE I BEEN GONE FOR THAT LONG😭😭😭 OH MY QJJSHAHAJA

THEY REALLY DO LOOK SO COOL & YES BODYGUARD TN !!!!!

dont u even think i forgot abt boxer san pls im begging🧎🧎🧎im kidding ofc its up to u what u want to write.. BUT BOXER HWA BOXER SAN 😩😩😩😩

anyways HOPE URE HAVING A GREAT DAY MS BAEKHVUNS ILY AND I ALSO MISSED AENDING U ASKS THAT IS JUST FUL OF TYPO ERRORS AND A BUNCH OF EMOJIS😭😭 stay safe and healthy!! mwuah im going to sleep now its 1am here HWUSHHAHAHAHHA

HDKWHDKS I HOPE UR HAVING A GOOD ONE TOO !!!! PLS TAKE CARE FBWNDH pls take care and eat loads and hydrate and also sleep well!!!!

2/2 OH also.. i had a lot of things i wanted to share to you but i forgot..😭😭 i was like "ooo ms baekhvuns would want to hear this" and smth along those lines BUT I FORGOT IM SO WJDJAJJSJAA anyways,, it was probably like idk smth abt a wooyo au I DONT REMEMBER IM GOING TO CRY.. i might remember it someday😞💔

BDMWBDKS WHEN UR DO RMR SEND JN AN ASK !!!! a wooyo au 👁👄👁 hUHHHH DO SEND PLS DO

-🍤 this shirmp emoji looks.. pale frail weak and anemic in my phone lmfao alright im going to sleep now (real) BWJSJAJNA goodnight/morning ms baekhvuns!!❤️

LMFAOOOO WHAT PHONE DID U SWITCH TO PLS 😭😭😭

#✉️ : ask #🍤 anon

[hnrye]

i am once again feeling so very happy and so very full of love and so very hopeful for the future

#sometimes i have a rlly good interaction w/ one of my online friends (tonight was charlie n bcoin grinding) and i just feel so very human #like man.... im fr a person with emotions #good emotions!!!!! #and life is worth living for those good emotions!!!and for those good times with my friends!!! #and someday ill live in a house with all my friends and we'll be happy. and we'll be together. and #someday i'll be ok. #i have to get past all the bad shit first. but soon. soon i'll be okay. #im being sappy but fuck it todays valentines day im allowed to love my friends. #and i do man. i love my friends so fuckin much you dont even know. if ur my friend u mean so fucking much to me #only 3 of my friends use tumblr but if u r them. yeah. u mean so much to me. ur so special. #@charlie olive and kelli i rlly rlly hope u guys know how much u mean to me. #literally feeling so great rn. man. #i should go to sleep. its 1am but i cant go to sleep bc im filled w/ sm love. #so im gonna get all my love out on tumblr dot com #ok. done now i think. i love u guys. (specifying /p as always but u kno that 👍) #sillyposting

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Lowkey really sad now bc it’s like one of the few good things that’s happened to me lately and I can’t share it with anyone bc either literally no one would care or because I’m scared of it being ruined or upsetting someone or it somehow being used against me or something or it being belittled or me being belittled and idk man I’m already starting to fill in those blanks for my self and like the initial high of goodness is coming off bc it’s being filled with badness and I just mostly feel bad now

#thoughts #oni talks #personal #oni vents #i cant even talk about the kther thing either bc its the same except i fear even bigger consequences #and ive already told some people or its happened before and ive had bad reactions #and like i already feel bad bc its probably a fluke and ill just mess it all up but idk #i feel like it just gave me a lot more emotions #idk now it feels like good things are just like a trap or a trick or something #i already feel bad for having been kinda happy about the good thing now #and then with everything else going on it makes it worse #idk i think i should have taken a longer break after the OD(?) #i just want to be able to have a solid break without feeling bad about everything #ahy time ive had a chance at a break lately ive messed it up bc i either felt bad or bc of fear #but now it feels like ive had breaks already and i should be good but im not #and idk im starting to get really overwhelmed man #its also 1am or so so maybe i just need to sleep and hope i can recharge enough tomorrow #idk about anything anymore man everything feels bad no matter what

[pixcldust]

2 A.M. TEXTS

ft. miya atsumu, kuroo tetsuro, semi eita

with | gn!reader

warnings | swear words

a/n | NOT ME ACTING LIKE MY EXAMS ALREADY OVER 😹😹😹 n e ways have some hcs mwah ily drink some water

+ | tumblr is refusing to let me add a read more break without messing up the order/pics so please accept it without the break first 😰 i'll try to edit it in tomorrow bc it's 1am right now lmfaoo 🤪🤪

MIYA ATSUMU

• lowkey headcanon this guy to be kinda a night owl too

• like, unless he has a major game tomorrow, then he’ll probably be awake at 2am so feel free to shoot him a text

• but if you send him a “i cant sleep :(” then man’s gonna take it REAL far

• “my parents arent home rn so if you want to come over, i could help you… sleep ;))) ”

• STFUU 😩

• he might not even be h0rny, he’s just Like That

• that’s just his sense of humor 😭😭 yea it might be mine too shush

• you just wanted to chill and chat bc insomnia’s getting the best of you, so whY-

• but once you get past that, he’d actually be really pleasant to text with

• yall might even facetime just because

• there’s just SO MUCH to talk about???

• topics range from dumb pickup lines to Deep Talk

• ngl eventually you guys might make some secsi jokes,,,, its inevitable im sorry

• no im nOT a nsfw writer

• but it’s 2am ok the Early Morning High is bound to hit different

• “damn ok im on my way,,, get those cuffs ready babe😼😼”

• JDHDNDCJ????3!%;÷)÷*?

• FUCK, NEITHER OF YOU CAN TAKE IT SERIOUSLY

• ur neighbours: who tF is cackling like that at 3 in the morning????

KUROO TETSURO

• i think it’s 50/50 with this boy

• like he’s either still awake and reading like a nerddd or he’s fast asleep

• but if you do shoot him a text message, send him something random

• like out of nowhere, just “did you know some snails have hairy shells?”

• he’s got a quick response time (although not as fast as atsumu) so just wait a minute for him to pick up his phone

• OH AND send him a pic of the hairy shells!!

• “thanks! i hate it!!”

• you know he’s gonna reply with an equally weird fact

• kuroo has a fair share of general knowledge too so just go wild

• will not question why you’re on the wikipedia page for snails bc lbr, he’s been there before 😔

• such a funny sweetheart about your random messages

• also he’s be awake with you throughout, even if he gets a little sleepy 🥺🥺🥺

• sir,,, hand in marriage please,,,,,,

• but definitely will throw in a “y/n, it’s almost 3:30 pls get some sleep before class tomorrow”

• hm……. no.

• WAIT YOU SHOULD ASK TO CALL

• his deep, kinda rough voice at 2am because he hasn’t used it in the past two hours ,,,,, mmmmmm,,,,

• lowkey he might fall asleep on call 🙊

• pls forgive him he’s just a very big babie

SEMI EITA

• listen

• if you texted this man at 2am

• his immediate response would be “it’s too early y/n. go to sleep.”

• BOO 🍅 BORING ASS BIJ 🍅🍅

• jkjk i love him but yall gotta admit that he’d be all 🙄😐

• “ffs y/n, you have a class tomorrow at 8”

• “and??? your point?????”

• dw he’d just take a deep breath and be like omfg why am i in love with this idiot

• yes bby he loves you mwah

• when he gets past that tho,,,

• listening to music together on spotify 😳😳

• you guys would take turns choosing songs and it’d be so cutee

• yeah he’d be into,, idk alt rock or indie rock ?

• but he’s not an ASS, he’d be okay with indie pop and mainstream and whatever else is your fave genre

• in between, he’d be so down to hearing you talk about your hobbies or a show you’ve been watching

• and like,, he’ll tell you about how he’s writing a song or what funny thing happened in his class or during training

• UGH HE’S JUST SO FINE AND SO CUTE

• omg yall can video call and he’d share his screen

• both of you watching ghibli movies tgt at 3 in the morning : 🥰🥴

• it is just so peaceful being with this boy

#haikyuu #hq!! #hq #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #hq headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #atsumu headcanons #kuroo headcanons #semi headcanons #semi eita #miya atsumu #kuroo tetsuro #atsumu x reader #semi x reader #semi eita x reader #kuroo x reader #semi eita headcanons

[djs-sideblog-for-pog-trains]

I have no idea how many people in this fandom are musical and then are familiar with brass bands (a very english music ensemble) but like

I keep picturing a Sodor Brass Band, man. In a human/human-ish au i keep thinkjng about it man. Its like 1am and i should sleep but

Actually,, gonna ramble about it

So a brass band is different from other music groups because it uses instruments from only the brass family (and doesnt have trumpets or french horns, thats orchestras or concert bands/military bands)

And i hope u know anything abt brass bands bc otherwise tbis might be unjntelligable but LMAO. If u want a reference, id look up Grimethorpe Collary Band, Black Dyke, Brighouse and Rastrick, or Corey. I cant remember their full titles but all those bands are or were the best band in the world at some poibt or other.

But yeah anyway on with the post. Let thr headcanons flow throu you.

And like. Ok. Edward has big 1st Baritone energy. Good baritone players are always in demand but hardly ever in spotlight, but their parts r also usually hard. 1st bari is also somwtimes required to play solos. Usually a quieter sort of person. Ans he seems the most like a bandie.

Gordon is principle solo cornet. (Cornet is like a trumpet but a little smaller, ans a more mellow sound due to the piping.. i wont ramble abt it). Violins of the brass band. He has the most solos and theyre all flashy and difficult but he knows what he's doing. Goddamn. Go king go.

Henry. Principle Eb Bass. This is the lead tuba player. In a brass band there are 2 kinds of tuba (Eb and Bb) and Eb is smaller, higher, and has harder parts. Very important and occasionally gets solos. Good tuba players always seem to be Units as well.

James. Oh im torn between soprano cornet and principle euphonium. On one hand, euphoniums are the showponies, have the hardest solos, biggest centre of attention. But also... soprano cornet. One of the best instruments in the whole group. Highest instrument, your band is not complete without one and by god you cant miss hearing it. It screams over top and is amazing. Very flashy.

Percy has big trombone energy, cant tell if 2nd or bass trombone. But also i am a bass trombonist so i diagnose him with bass bc hes my fav and i said so.

Thomas would be a tenor horn player i think. Not necessarily solo horn but a good player none the less. The tenor horns often have fiddly parts but are important to the overall texture - you can def tell if theyre missing. I think thomas has been trying to prove himself good enough to sit 1st horn for ages and now occasionally gets to play top seat every now and then.

Toby is the flugel player, i think. You only have 1 flugel ans it has the most beautiful sound. Partway between a cornet and a tenor horn, it shares the 'i have the tune all the time' charavteristic of a cornet and thr 'i have all the fiddly bits' of a tenor horn. One of the hardest parts but the most unique sound. One of the instruments that adds the most 'colour' to a band's sound (the other is the bass trombone lol)

Gotten this far and remembered abt duck and oliver uhhh

Duck is def a euphonium player. Absolutely. If james is also a eupho then they argue over solos and who gets to play them. Oliver i think is Bb bass. (The lowercase b is a flat. B flat.) That or a percussionist.

Emily would be a tenor horn or a backrow cornet (probably repiano cornet). Molly would be 3rd cornet.

Deisel has front row cornet energy, meaninf he'd probably sit in thr same row as/beside Gordon. Lady can also be front row cornet but on the opposite end. Wants everyone in her section to just stop fighting please for once.

Mavis would be 2nd baritone. Salty another Eb bass. Boco could be another tenor horn or maybe backrow cornet. I dont have enough trombones oh god

Problem is tjat james also has big 1st trombone energy. Also emily, actually.

Ooooo wait. Victor as 1st tromvone and Rosie as 2nd. A trombone section of Victor Rosie Percy would be lethal (affectionate).

And like surprisingly thats most of a band?? I think u generaly have like 30ish players. Got no percussionists but. Hmm. Myabe bill and ben and toad are percussionists. Cranky is the timpanist.

And im gonna leave it there bc its now almost 2am and i need to sleeppppp

#ttte #thomas the tank engine #thomas and friends #ttte human au #dj's au #brass band #god why did i wriye this #this is one of the most niche things iv ever written #but yea if u know much abt brass bands this might make sense fhsjshjsjs #also excuse typos im tireddd

[imagines-mha]

class 1-B and night routines

Monoma: if monoma doesn’t annoy at least 2 people per night he simply will not sleep. Wears the comfiest pyjamas- like a 100% cotton top and plaid pj bottoms and everyones so fuckin jealous. He tells everyone he has a 16 step self-care routine he does every night but he really just brushes his teeth and then sits on his phone for like 2 hours? Ike what do you GET out of lying??? 

Tetsutetsu: he thinks going to bed after 11pm is criminal. Literally doesn’t understand the cryptidcrew™️ who DONT MF SLEEP. Works out before bed which is 👌🏻👌🏻 OOF. Aw hes the type of friend to make everyone tea and toast and send them asmr videos if they cant sleep i love him. He usually spends his night dancing around with pony and working off all his ENERGY

Kendo: “yall im turning into bed i’m too tired for this shit” “kendo it’s 7pm”

My girl will retire to her room as early as she can (usually with the rest of the girls) and she just RELAXES. Like self-care to the max: paints her nails, watches tv, plans her tomorrow, showers. She’s usually asleep at 10pm and wakes up the next morning full energy I want what she has

Awase: he has the WORST sleep schedule like fr. Literally sits up on tiktok until 3am and he’s just like “oh shit i’m up at 7…” *continues scrolling* like bro GET UR ASS TO BED U HAVE TRAINING AT 6AM. His night routine ain’t anything special- he sleeps in sweats and always keeps his window open (although someone told him about banshees once and now hes lowkey terrified lmao)

Kaibara- the type to fall asleep on the sofa and wake up at 4 in the morning to find tsuburaba in the kitchen eating a full course meal and he just SIGHS and goes up to bed in the worst mood bc why tf are his friends so WEIRD. Likes to watch the stars and edit pictures before he sleeps- its so therapeutic to him and also productive so he’s winning

Rin- he drinks coffee every night after midnight and then goes “oh my fuck shit i just drank coffee why am i like this” like congrats u fuckin dumbass now u ain’t gonna sleep. And he never fuckin learns. Always does his hw at like 11pm, Also stays up way too late binge-watching star wars smh 

Tsuburaba: he gets up every night and treats himself to a three-course meal in the kitchen no cap no sound awareness my man will be blending shit full blast at 2 in the morning. Usually falls asleep sitting at the kitchen table and he 👏🏻 needs 👏🏻 a 👏🏻 chiropractor 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. Also always forgets to do his homework until everyone’s packing up to go to bed and hes like “please,, anyone,, the math?”. Shoda wants to punch him so bad

Ibara: the most well-structured person in the entire building. At 7pm she has her shower, at 8:30pm she goes to pray, at 9:30pm she journals and draws to calm her mind, and at 10pm she meditates until she falls asleep- which is usually 10:20pm.. Everyone wants her self control and independance like damn how does she FUNCTION. Also queen of vegan self-care remedies 

Pony: girl is chaotic as fuck it’ll be like 10pm and rin’s like “yo pony can i copy the hw??” And shes like “WHAT HOMEWORK.” . *cue two idiots freaking tf out*. She’s always wearing matching pj sets and fluffy socks and loves sliding around in them like a dork. Dances every night before bed to tire herself out like shes just in the lounge deadass vibing to taylor swift and a new person joins her everytime . people would be dead without her

Kodai: movies every night or she won’t go to class the next morning. Shes always just sitting on her phone w earphones in like she has absoloutely no time to deal with monoma’s shit so she just peaces tf out of existence. Cutest pyjamas ever i love her pyjama queen. The go-to girl for homework she just leaves her bag open, as long as u return it shes cool

Tokage: oh my god shes so CRYPTIC and FOR WHAT. Pranks pranks pranks pranks pranks. everyone hates her for it and she loves it so bad. Like she has the balls to prank kamakiri and that TAKES BALLS LET ME JUST SAY . she’ll just leave her body parts in people’s beds and its SO annoying. They usually just pick up her stray arm and fling it at the wall in revenge then act confused the next morning when she complains abt the bruises 

Komori: cryptic as fuck. Does she sleep? Why is she always sitting at the table? What is she doing? . Closes her tabs whenever someone comes into the dining room and just stares at them til they leave again like :)). In the garden every night til she can’t bear the coldness- watches the stars and makes flower crowns and worships the moon i love her

Kuroiro: nighttime is the time he just evaporates like where tf is he like 🙄🙄 reel it in randy from monsters inc . Hiding in the walls and listening to everyones conversations and secrets is his only skill in life . Everyone thinks he doesn’t sleep and just wanders around (he does, he just likes to have an edgy reputation)

Kamakiri- did you hear that?? oh its just kamakiri fistfighting monoma in the hallway again. Fr takes no prisoners he needs his beauty sleep (or idk do bugs sleep lmao??). If you’re in his way while he’s RAMPAGING to his room youre dead bro when i say he takes bedtime routines seriously i MEAN it. He does self-care and tells NOONE but its lowkey cute idk lmao why do i have a crush on a bug lemme call my therapist real quick

Bondo- 9pm. Wind down time. A good book is all my mans needs and he’ll be out for the count in absolutely no time at all. Fukidashi will die jealous and bondo fucking loves it. Milks tf out of it too he’s like YAWN I AM SO TIRED OFF TO BED NOW TO SLEEP PEACEFULLY GOODNIGHT and everyone who WISHES they could sleep as early as that wants him to choke

Manga- king of never having hw done until 1am at the earliest 🤡. He lives on 1 hour sleep most nights and his speech bubble just says “no <3” until like 11am. Its cus of his crippling hyperactivity he’s running the halls at 3am practicing the entire mamma mia choreography ffs fukidashi U HAVE A CAREER AHEAD OF U 

Reiko: energy drink addiction 101 if she doesn’t drink monster every night before bed she’s convinced she’ll die. “I sleep all day and party all night” she says, crying over math hw at 2am. Plays music too loud and has LED strobelites on ALL NIGHT. Shes deadass doing witchcraft in the lounge w komori all night during finals week she doesnt give a single fuck x

Shishida: another reader,, mans will finish an entire book in a night by the force of sheer willpower alone. Takes a bath every night and it makes his fur so fluffy and smell like apples smdnwjdnwd. Perfect snuggle buddy for wintertimes (pony LOVES HIM) and he’s that good man who carries tsuburaba to bed when he falls asleep at the kitchen table

Shoda: “please don’t speak to me while im doing my homework im 👌🏻 this close to having a mental breakdown and all it takes is a single poke to reel me over the edge.” Complains all day about being tired then goes to bed at 2am?? Like no shit ofc ur tired bitch . Always up for a deep talk at night he knows EVERYTHING abt EVERYONE and hes so trustworthy hed never tell a soul

Honenuki: he meal preps and does yoga before bed 🤢 like WHO HAS THAT MOTIVATION. Irons and sets his uniform out for the next day before getting his homework FINISHED by 9pm . He’s pretty flexible w what he does at nights it 100% depends on his mood. Usually he’s helping Tokage with pranks or working out w tetsutetsu tho. Used to annoy people who were up doing hw after 11 like “really tsuburaba? You should be ashamed”. Shoda almost DECKED him once for it tho and he was #traumatised and never did it again

#my hero academia #mha #mha headcanons #mha imagines #Class 1-B #bnha #monoma neito #kendo itsuka #tetsutetsu tetsutetsu #awase yousetsu #rin hiryu #sen kaibara #yui kodai #ibara shiozaki #setsuna tokage #pony tsunotori #Reiko Yanagi #Komori Kinoko #kojiro bondo #manga fukidashi #Jurota Shishida #juzo honenuki #Kosei Tsuburaba #nirengeki shoda #Togaru Kamakiri #shihai kuroiro #x reader

[cirilee]

i just found a text my browser had saved on a word count website, and i apparently typed it last november while being sad - i just wanna have a place to post it, and it explains why i was gone for most of may through november last year.

if you’re interested, u can read, it’s basically just a long long long vent and i wanna save it somewhere :’)

(and if you wanna, you can tell me what u think of the whole thing, maybe share if something like that happened to you too, because man, this whole thing was WEIRD for me)

bottom line is: i’m much better now and have way better friends then back then and in general, i’m a pretty happy person again^^

My parents and me had been fighting a lot the past years. I still love them. For a while though, it was just shouting matches between us. We weren't really speaking to each other throughout january 2019 until april 2019, so i wasn't informed by them that they were planning to mOVE OUT. And the place they wanted to move to only had enough space for 2 people. now my brother and me had 3 months total to find and finance our own flats. i was desperate. 2 months i unsuccessfully searched for a job or a flat or a way to make a deposit for said flat, without any saved up money. an old school friend offered to move out together. i only saw him once every month for group activities. he was nice, but we also had a bit of a history. 3 years ago he had acted kinda scummy and tried to get me to be his girlfriend because "he couldnt find anybody else” - ending in a "movie night with friends" that turned out to be a trap, where the only one spending the night was me because he only invited me. creepy. he apologized and i forgave him and we were chill and it was normal between us. i realize now, that i should have just left him out of my life at that point. but time was running out, so i gave in and asked myself "whats the worst he could do. i’ve known this person for 12 years and the he's part of my friend group" we set up basic rules, how we would pay for stuff, etc. .. we moved in. it seemed fine. then i noticed that he talked A LOT. and he wanted A LOT of attention. after a day of working on my diploma or working at my job, he would assert himself in my room and try to engage in smalltalk. i am not the hermit type. i engaged with him, i joined in on his conversation. but when i was already tired he wouldn't accept "i'm gonna go to sleep". there was always something else he needed to talk about. I was trying to make clear to him that i needed alone time too, but no matter how honest i was, the message either didn't seem to stick, or he'd get upset and start asking me if i hated him. With that, i could have kept up with in the long run. Then he started knocking on my door. even when it was already late and i already told him i was gonna go to sleep. Repeatedly knocking on my door. At some point he just opened the door. It was 1am. I pretended to sleep. I could hear him breathing, it sounded angry. He eventually closed the door. The next morning i confronted him. He argued it away as him trying to warn me that he was going to take a shower, so that i wouldn't use the bathroom. He started commenting on how i wasn't funny enough around him. in that friend group, i'm the funny one :c. but i cant keep up that energy 24/7 (this was supposed to be a home, not a free neverending standup act, for this one guy). that confused him. the next day he asked me if i had depression. My parents had given me a griller/toaster as a parting gift (there’s a backstory for that too but anyways) my flatmate ALSO had that same toaster. He demanded we make up our minds which one to keep. i didn't understand why this was important to him and i hated discussing this useless topic with him so i stored the toaster in my room. He repeatedly suggested i throw mine away (?). One evening i got hungry and decided i'd make myself a toast in my room. So i made some toast. Suddenly he bursts in. And he starts ranting. "why are you doing this are you CRAZY you cant TOAST in your own room thats DANGEROUS you're gonna start a fire, don't ever do that again, we have a KITCHEN for that. why don't you want to use the kitchen you cant just HIDE from me every day, this is OUR flat  and i want us to live TOGETHER!" He didn't stop talking and it overwhelmed me, so (this is embarrassing, but) i actually started crying and i turned away from him so i could try to control myself. and he just started babytalking me "awww its alright i didn't mean to scare you, but you see, you shouldn't have done that". he tried putting his arms around me, i told him to stop. "you need a hug right now" ...... i was so angry i think my brain might have short circuited because the next hour was me just acting the whole way through. i told him everything he wanted to hear. i was so sorry for almost burning the house down and made up some explanation that my parents were still making me sad, so i needed distance. The next big thing involved one of my best friends. she wanted to spontaneously go out for an evening. so i put on some pants and of course: HE appears in my room, asking where i'm going. i was surprised by the question and just answered "going out with Lina" he left it at that. then suddenly: "can i come too?" He threw me off with that question. Lina had said she needed some advice on personal stuff, so I said "no" because i didn't have a better answer. he got ANGRY. i explained. "Lina wants some privacy, i'm sorry" He starts arguing that Lina is just as much his best friend, and that he should be allowed to hear what she wants to say to me. Before i can reply he slams his door shut. "Don't even try to explain yourself", he says. I told my friend while meeting up with her and she began with the sympathetic "you should have said yes" and we argued about it and then she came out with this absolutely horrifying sentence: "you know how he is. you cant be *too* honest with him. he's sensitive. you need to lie to him so he doesn't get mad" it was as if i'd been splashed with cold water. i said i didn't agree with that. that that was actually unfair to HIM. nobody likes being lied to and treated less than. she called him, told him i was gonna apologize and he showed up with the angriest expression i ever saw in his face. he accused me of being depressed and that he now has the burden of my mental issues to bear. This he assumed because one night i told him about me dissassociating sometimes a few years ago. Then he wanted me to promise i would never leave him, because he's afraid i won't be able to pay my part of the rent. the crowning moment was my friend Lina mostly agreeing with him and both of them berating me for not having my life together because i still hadn't managed to find an open-ended contract job, only limited-time jobs. at the end he justified himself by saying he cant stand my parents phoning me. (at that point they had started calling me everyday and showed genuine concern ... i was trying to reform a bond with them) - apparently he resented that. he knew about my parents disciplining me with face slaps as a kid (when i was 9-11 yrs old) (they feel bad about it, and they they stopped doing it fairly early) in that moment my flatmate chose to tell me ..... (hoo boy i need to get ready to type this) .... "i'm concerned about you. if your father would ever beat you, i would beat him  to a bloody pulp" then he repeated "i would beat him/kill him" a few times, VERY agitatedly. it was scary and at that point i was numb. i didn't really respond, i just said "its fine" or something to that extent. the  thing that made me decide to move out (although certainly among many that followed that night) was this: one morning i informed him i was going to visit my parents that weekend. we had started talking again (as i mentioned before and i wanted to meet them without fighting for once). he says "but you're coming back, right". i say "of course don't be so nervous". i go to work. i get a LOT OF texts from him suddenly. i skim through it. he's mad about me calling him "nervous". i don't reply/read bc i am at work. Then he actually CALLS me. i don't pick up.  now i'm thinking: What is so  important, that he has to call me during work.  there's a 4 paragraph essay in my inbox. "watch your mouth", "you have no right to speak that way to me", "you should have more respect". he was mad i called him nervous. i responded that i don't have time to reply. he argued back. at one point i said "if i cant even call you nervous then i'm ACTUALLY gonna stay with my parents" he fiNALLY didn't reply to that. after a 10hour day i come home. i wanna shower. i go to my room, close the door and start undressing myself. of course, there's knocking on my door. i say "No" he flips out. i calmly tell him i'm only half dressed. he flips out even more, says i'm a horrible person who WANTS to fight because my "no" wasn't a good enough answer and i should have explained in full detail why he couldn't get in. he was actually SERIOUS. this was his reasoning for flipping out. he goes away. not even a minute passes by and he hammers his fist against my door again. "OPEN UP THIS TIME I *HAVE* TO COME IN" at this point i'm beginning to get kinda scared  so i say "come in" He comes in and says he needs me to disconnect with the wifi because he needs it for his work. i calmly say "ok" and disconnect my wifi. he goes away, leaves the door open. i stand up to go and close my door. HE ACTUALLY GOES AND PULLS AGAINST ME TO TRY TO PRY IT OPEN AGAIN. eventually he lets go and then he flips out FOR REAL. he starts screaming about how i'm a psycho, and that im crazy and awful and he has been nothing but nice and that he "saved" me and i haven't been thankful enough.

.... ..

yes, i was in a difficult position. but that flatmate arrangement was made on even ground. he had wanted to move out from his parents for years. i fled and left. called my parents, but they were miles away and laughed it off. i would have probably too. i called my friends. Lina offered to come and mediate. He continued screaming even with Lina there. It culminated with him roaring at me, pointing at the door saying "if you don't like how i treat you, there's the door, leave right now" with lina replying "don't say that, you NEED her money to pay rent!" it was awful, and an eye-opener. the next day, on the way to work, i decided i was gonna move out. and before i could tell him, i get a message from him (!). An ultimatum. he tells me i have 3 options. 1) leave immediately and take my stuff away within a week. i wouldn't have "pay any more than i've already payed" (it was the first day of that month and i had already payed my rent. nice) 2) stay for half a year, but immediately pay him something so that he knows i'll stay 3) stay indefinitely, but set up a " bevahiour contract" with him, so this "never happens again" i told him i'd take option 1 and then i stayed over at a friends house. then at a friends shared appartement. then at dormitary and soon i'm gonna move in with my younger brother. we've been estranged a bit but grown closer through this whole thing. now Lina and him are still friends and lina blames me for "everyone in our friend group" being mad at him. one of her first concerns, was that her birthday parties are gonna be weird now. i am completely done with her as well and don't want her in my life anymore. according to her, I left him with a rent he cant pay  and i should feel bad for that. except i dont. should i though?

#vent #rant

[ouate]

Its my birthday today !

#i dont know if ill do something but ill think about it later bc its 1am #i hope good news will come for my birthday thwt that would be nice #wow i cant type im gonna go to sleep before i start rambling #ive slepp 3 hours last night im #its almost 2am i really should sleep #!

[oldmyths]

godddd i know i’m talking so much and on one hand i feel really bad about it bc i hate . having feelings but on the other hand if i don’t talk about it i’ll probably die so here we go

this isnt like my #official review of detective pikachu bc like i did like it for what its worth but it just brought things to the surface and along with other stuff it just kind of. hit at an inopportune time

And then after nearly an hour of my sister and i driving around town looking for a gas station thats open with the doors to our house locked bc everyones gone and we don’t have keys on us only for my mom to reply and say she let my nephew in after i sent over a hundred messages bc (a) my mom and my other sister are always on their phone/have their phone nearby (b) when my sister kelly tried to call them nobody picked up (c) we were running out of gas and were at a part of the city we didn’t recognize at nearly 11pm when kelly has to be at work tomorrow at 7:45

So like needless to say i was a little stressed and upset with my mom (so was kelly bc of other things that i’m not too sure of the details on) AND THEN i read on twitter from this astrology account i follow that started tweeting about being raised by virgos when my moms a virgo and how their kids most likely struggle with empathy and comfort from a distance and cant handle other peoples emotions and like thats what i’ve been saying! the entire god damn time!!!

like i know astrology isnt Real Science whatever that fucking means and that zodiac signs arent personality types and yknow all that shit. but that’s literally what i’ve been saying. among other reasons, being raised by my mom alone in an isolated community made me extremely emotionally Fucked Up because she just didnt talk! about her feelings at all! and then she’d get mad at me for something and i never felt like her child i felt like someone she just bossed around and i know i can’t blame her being a fucking Virgo for that bc she was going through shit with my dad that she didnt deserve to go through along with other shit she had to worry about but i don’t remember a time where i was a kid and i felt her love for me. like i don’t know what that feels like. my mom cares about me i guess and sometimes i feel like she loves me but growing up feeling like your own mother doesn’t love you is really fucked up!!!!

that isnt to say shes a bad person entirely bc she had to go through shit i dont think i should post online along with growing up native on a reserve literally across the road from where she and her siblings had to go to a residential school and dealing with my dad. like. i get it. and its not like i, as a kid, could really comprehend the severity of all that but there isnt an excuse for treating your own fucking kid like an accessory, like a soldier that to listen to you or else youd take away the only thing that passed the time inside the house

and it was hard to listen to an ex-friend of mine say how much she loved virgos bc of this and i know Not All Virgos and im not saying every virgo is personally responsible for my shitty childhood but i just cant listen to someone praise without criticism. i feel like an asshole for saying that too and i know its a shitty thing to say bc if someone said Well I Was Raised By A Sagittarius And I Hate You i would feel pretty bad too. but im not saying i hate virgos. im not saying i hate my mom. despite all of this i love her so much and it hurts to admit that

i just idk please dont misinterpret this as me like idk cancelling virgos or whatever i dont mean for it to come across as that way either. idk if i know virgos personally its jsut really not a great time to be reminded about parent stuff right now

not only bc mothers day but like, watching a movie where the main character had a struggling relationship with their parent, for that parent to be the father, and then my mom not replying when it was Kind Of Really Important for her to respond when she could

and im not saying she should be available 24/7 either i know she has a life but she didn’t even message the GC to say where she was or that she locked the door. neither did my other sister. its just a lack of communication that makes me very upset and i dont like it, especially when my other sister isn’t sleeping at our house that often anymore And when my mom and her boyfriend sometimes don’t come back until 1am or something

im just really emotionally spent and exhausted and all of this parent shit stirred up Emotions that i try to keep under wraps bc i know all of this is irrational and that getting this upset about it is kinda stupid but idk how else to process it.

i dont remember my dads birthday so idk what sign he is but the movies whole theme of reconnecting with ur father figure is like...lol....no thanks... also ow.

sigh idk im sorry for this post i dont want my words to get misconstrued but i also dont know how else i can justify how i feel and im tired

#tw mothers / fathers / emotional abuse #Also Long Post Sorry Forgot To Mention That #tldr: (watches a movie with someone my age with father issues) (feels mildly triggered) How Could This Have Happened.... #ill do better to keep my mouth shut from now on

[fileighmignon]

im kinda running out of time rn bcs i need to go to sleep but , i terribly miss this one person and i cant get over them bcs they have earned this special place in my heart. i mean literally everyone that i have met has a special place in my heart and its , fucking me up right now. this isnt the time to cry over spilled milk and be all sad. im literally about to pull my eyes out. 

i dont know if i have prolems or not but this shit has been sticking with me for quite some time now. i know they did something wrong and they should be apologizing for it but a part of me still believes that i am the one who caused them to act like that. i dont know why i think like this , man , im so filled with so many things all at once. fucking hate the fact that i let a stupid quiz site run my way of thinking like this. 

anyways , my head hurts and i miss my mom. she has come back to working right now , the usual thing she does , it hurts me so much. i dont know how much am i going to be able to hold myself like this. yeah , i think thats all i can say right now. its 1am in the morning rn. fuck mondays. hopefully i wont wake up tomorrow. 

[audiovisualrecall]

I fucking left my phone in the den at 11pm and went in to pack food for tomorrow, and forgot entirely about my phone until checking it at 1am after finishing a little painting and learned that surprise, I was supposed to do the humira. I mean its not too late to do it, but it is 1:30am and I had to wake up my dad bc I still cant give myself the humira bc im a chickenshit. Anyway so we have to let it warm up b4 injecting the humira so its gonna b 2am b4 either of us get to sleep (or go back to sleep in dad's case) and he has to b up around 6 and i have to b up around 8. Ugh. Maybe we should wait and do it in the morning, like before he leaves for work just do it then. Idk. I'd b worried abt forgetting.

[somehowconfident]

another text post bc i feel terribly alone and its after 1am already

im annoyed and frustrated bc if i didnt fucking lose my violin i would be having the best week ever

I PASSED MY FIRST YEAR IN COLLEGE

ofcourse thats good news but cant help but feel hopeless still

i wonder if i need a psychologist again

im packing for paris which is fun but again theres a concrete block hanging on my leg

just assume every time i say something exciting im not 100% happy

not even 50% tbh

schools been so much fun on the social level that i dont want to have vacay

said goodbye yesterday to two of my best friends in the study which hurt so much

every hug results to crying sooner or later

i feel so dead inside honestly

i cant imagine the happiness i would have this week

well i do and it only makes me feel worse

theres so much fun stuff happening this year but i wouldnt even mind to be gone

im not gonna watch back my tv appearance until years have passed by

tomorrow seeing another group of friends and basically the last social gathering before leaving for paris

hopefully finding some peace there but ha who am i kidding

i should continue packing so i can finally go to sleep

i just want everything to stop

#ann speaks #life update #depressing af

[the-rosebud-motel]

fuck ok so i had a shit day at my new workplace. the manager hounded on me a couple of times, getting annoyed bc i couldnt remember something and then bc i was going really fast and i should take my time. only to have it contradicted by every other member of the team telling me that i need to go faster and be quicker etc.

the past few days ive had a bit of anxiety and stress over the job but its really come to a head tonight. its stressing me out to such a point thats its consuming all my thoughts and now i cant sleep. its 3:30am here. the past couple of days ive been going to bed at 1am ish. normally i hit the sack at around 2. 

im just so miserable at the moment. im stressed out and im not happy. 

i think if i get my first paycheck, i’ll have to spend it on something nice to cheer me up. (not all of it. only something small. but something to make it worth the effort).

#personal #tw: anxiety

[bagilgulhaze]

advice: gocha has hard time controling his impulses hes like on 8 medications for it a day (whole other  subject like why a 10 year old kid takes 2 kinds of meds in hih dozes one of which isnt even made for that purpose) and like he gets punished left n right for that at the pnimiya? we hate it but what can we do. but then here he played maplestory but then he clicked wrong button it wen tout and his character died. it means practically nothing to die in this game u just take a little longer to lvl but he yelled at me so much i told him he can’t play also hes tired and its 1 and he should sleep. i prepared him few times before quitting the game which sent him into RAGE he cursed n kicked things n cried hysterically. i left him to calm down for almost an hr when he hid under the sopha but rn he HATES me. he never hates me n he really does like i tried to hug him later n shit but he just wouldnt let it go i even offered we watch a movie n go to sleep. he left so he wouldnt have to be w me and idk if i made the right decision.

because on one side, esp for a family that doesnt deal w punishments, suffering consequences is essential to educate. you screamed at me and cursed me because your character died, you didnt find the potion and i didnt help fast enough? thats not fun for me, i will not play with here on my computer in my game when it makes you so frustrated you scream at me. and it was so super late so i insisted he’d go to sleep anyway bc clearly it adds to him being on edge. 

but then he gets so many punishments for things he cant control bc he has realy poor impulse control, it hurts him too like, we’re talking abt the kid that riped his own thumb off by shutting a door angrily, sometimes well say no and youll see how his mind literally cant process it and the punishments are terrible like he had to stay an extra day while lisa came to us, who doesnt let a kid go HOME as punishment what does it teach? or like, he doesnt have a home anyway he lives in pnimya so why do they always punish him by moving him from his building to another group for few days even if its not related to his group/building at all and is a fight w someone in school. just to punish him.

this kid CONSTANTLY gets humiliating shitty punishment instead of help that even when i do something that only remotely reminds of a punishment it just sets him more in that trap of i dont have the tools to stop n i keep getting shit and there’s no way out.

i dont watch gocha to feel that way. i didnt yell, i didnt even get mad i just firmly told him the boundries and usually he WILL listen but i think the punishment he got this week of returning home a day later on top of everything, whilst feeling guilty everytime he does something bad, is like, too much for him to handle. once i got into a corner w him in 1am like - idk

idc that he doesnt talk to me i give him hus space n n ever insist just assure him im here if he wants to sleep next to me or anything and asked once if he wants a hug but didnt press; i just rly not want him to feel so insecure n bad abt himself alll the time. 

[noctisluciscaelumcxiv]

I think i figured out something. So I usually go to bed around 1am-3am. I know not healthy but with what time i wale up i should get around 7-5hrs of sleep, right? Which would be adequate at least for most days. But you know what ends up happening? I wake up around 5/6am. And dont get back to sleep, for various reason. Usually, its bc my mcfucking parenrs feel the need to talk as loud as possible at 5am (no i cant ask to be quiet whenever i mention how loud they are they ALWAYS retort with “well you always so loud so we can be loud too fuck off” like? Ok act like an adult please? I at least TRY to be quiet. If u tell me im being loud i try to be quieter, and i keep telling them I DO NOT KNOW WHEN I AM YELLING SO TELL ME AND THEY NEEVR DO THEN GET MAD AT ME? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.) or i wake up and am immediately uncomfortable for like 3hours. So yeah for probably a very long time i havent actually gotten more than like 5hrs of sleep when going to work (today i got 2hrs! Which is actually the norm! Wow!).

#personal #lmao i am very sick of being tired its getting? to be a bit too much :)