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#i shouldn't be laughing
neontokyoo · 2 days
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byerslvr · 2 years
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anyways since we all are sad look at this i- 😭😭
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lucasdoesnotcare · 10 months
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Most expensive group burial:
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(Titan submersible)
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dracoslittlepet · 2 years
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✒ Muggle Ink ✒
🐍DRACO MALFOY X READER ONESHOT🐍
You and Draco are on holiday during your sixth year, and you've been wanting to do something for a while now. Something you've managed to keep a secret from Draco... Until he finds out. And let's just say... He's not thrilled about it. At least, not at first, he isn't...
• fluff; language; TW needles (tattoo needles)
⚡TAGLIST: @wallwriterstuff @raindancer2004 @alecvolturiswifeforever @like-rain-or-confetti @nixwolfe @dr4cosimp @dracoslittlesunflower @dracolumfoyx @draconisxcaput @dracoslittleangel @dracomalfoysslave @dustin-malfoy @bellatrixscurls @fieldofsecretss
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"I'm sorry, you want to do what now??"
Draco's eyes were wider than you'd ever seen them, his mouth open in shock. It would have been altogether a rather comical expression, had it not been for the disapproving look now forming in the boy's eyes as you repeated yourself. "I want to go and get a tattoo."
Resolutely, he shook his head, his mouth set in a grim line. "No. Nope, no, absolutely not." he said. You didn't quite understand; you already had one tattoo, what was another? Although to be fair, Draco didn't exactly know about the first one to begin with. It didn't matter that the two of you had been dating for the past three, almost four, months.
Despite how close you two were, things had never gotten... Physical. At least not in that sense. Oh, sure, you two had cuddled quite a bit... But you had always insisted on keeping your shirt on, coming up with the lame excuse of always being too cold. The real reason? You had an extensive, rather impressive (at least in your opinion) back tattoo.
You had always thought the set of wings in varying shades of black and grey were rather pretty, the contrasting mix of light and shadows so artfully inked into your skin nothing short of an absolute masterpiece. But what would Draco have said about it, especially if he knew where it came from and how it was done?
It was no secret that your boyfriend was a right fine grump about all things Muggle-related. (You, of course, were the one exception. You were, in his words, "the world's most adorable little Muggleborn with a bratty streak" and it was going to stay that way.) But anything else Muggle-related? Forget it.
See, Draco still sort of clung onto a few remaining shreds of his earlier prejudices against Muggleborns and even just plain Muggles. Even despite meeting and falling hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with you, he couldn't quite shake his former self, not entirely.
And so it had been with the best ideals in your mind and heart, that you had oh-so-skillfully kept your tattoo a secret from him. It was Muggle ink, after all. Draco wouldn't like the idea of that. Almost like the boy in question could read your mind, a scoff filled the air. "I don't think you need one." Draco said.
You waggled a brow at him, a devious little grin suddenly appearing on your face. "How do you know I don't already have one somewhere?" you asked. The look of sheer horror dawning upon his face was enough to make you laugh, it was utterly priceless.
But then he quickly regained his composure, his mouth set in that grim line again. "I would've known if you did, I would've sensed the traces of magic in it." he answered. You nearly choked on your laughter; did he really-? Did he really think you were talking about their way of tattooing?
Oh, sure, Draco had told you about it once, after you had glimpsed his Dark Mark for the first time. He had said it was painful, even with someone who had the steadiest of wand hands and the gentlest of magic. But you didn't think he would automatically assume that you had gotten one... At least not their way.
The guilt you were suddenly feeling must have been transparent on your face, because one of Draco's perfect dark brows suddenly arched up. Some sort of realization dawned in his eyes, the product of whatever ridiculous conclusion he had immediately jumped to in his mind.
"Show me."
Those two words were spoken coldly, albeit with a smidge of curiosity underlying them. You tugged your bottom lip between your teeth, very slowly turning around and lifting up the hem of your shirt, until it was gathered around the back of your neck.
The sharp inhale behind you made you release your lip from your teeth with a wince, your eyes squeezing tightly shut as you waited for Draco to scold you, to yell at you, to tell you what an absolute fucking idiot you were. But the words never came.
Instead, you felt a featherlight touch on your back, as Draco's fingertips traced over every line, every curve, every single inked shadow and crossbeam of light embedded beneath your skin. Words seemed to fail Draco at the moment; he had never seen anything so... Incredible. Lifelike. Pretty, even.
With the gentlest of touches, he continued to trace over the lines, committing each one to memory. Finally, he spoke. His voice came as a barely audible whisper from behind you. "How long? H-how? Just... How?" he breathed.
Your eyes slowly reopened, your gaze falling to rest on a rather worn little spot on one of the corners of the massive carpet in Draco's bedroom. A faint blush tinged your cheeks pink as you thought out your careful reply, finally deciding that honesty was the best policy.
"It's... It's Muggle ink. It sits beneath the surface of the skin, put there by needles. I've... I've had it for a while now. Almost a year." you answered.
Your voice was nearly as quiet as his had been, though there was much more conviction and strength in it when you spoke. A beat of silence passed, followed by another, and another. Nearly five minutes had come and gone, and you were growing more and more nervous with each second that ticked by.
Finally, Draco's voice sounded behind you again. "Oh, angel. I... I don't know what to say. I mean... Wow." he said quietly. Uh-oh; this could go one of two ways. Either he would love it and think it was beautiful, or he would hate it and demand that you get it removed.
"Um... Good wow, or bad wow? Like... Oh, fuck. You don't hate it, do you?" the words left your mouth before you could stop them. "Or me, for keeping it from you for this long?" you hastily added, as an afterthought. Another sharp inhale behind you made you quickly glance over your shoulder. Draco was staring at you with a look of mixed confusion, pity, and love.
"Y/N. I could never hate you. I mean, I am a little disappointed that you didn't tell me about this when we first met, but... I don't exactly hate it. I don't think I can, it's too... Pretty." he finished lamely, his gaze shifting to rest once more on the set of wings inked into your skin.
You watched, and felt it, as his fingertips grazed over the lines again, his lips parting slightly as he stood there admiring the art on your back. "Explain it to me." he whispered, after a moment's pause. Your brow furrowed in confusion; what was he on about? "Er, explain what... Exactly?" you said slowly.
Draco didn't meet your gaze, his eyes focused instead on your ink. "This. How they do it. How... How you Muggles do it." he answered. The way he spoke the words, the way he said it, "you Muggles", there wasn't even a hint of the usual disdain in his voice this time. No, instead he almost sounded... Impressed. Awestruck.
It's like something about your Muggle ink had awoken one of the better parts of Draco, the part that he had kept under lock and key for so long. You swallowed nervously before shrugging. "They, um... They take a needle, and- well, it's multiple needles, really- they take it and pierce your skin, and the ink sits beneath the surface, and that's how they get the design to stay..." you said softly.
There was a brief flash of horror in Draco's eyes, their oceanic depths meeting your E/C ones. "And you willingly let them do this to you?" he whispered, a note of disbelief in his voice. You couldn't help the tiny smile that crept onto your face; he made the very notion sound so... Medieval. Like it was torture for you to go and get a tattoo.
The look on your face didn't escape Draco's notice; a light scowl formed on his lips. "Something funny, Y/N?" he asked, arching an eyebrow at you. "I promise, I'm not laughing at you. Well, okay, maybe a little. Dray, it's not like it's a form of torture! A lot of us do this, it's a way of... Decorating our body, I suppose? That's why I want to get another one." you answered.
"And I want you to come with me!" you quickly added, silencing Draco before he could protest. His eyes went wide again, his face going pale. "W-what? Angel, no, I can't- I can't watch you get... Stabbed??" he said, shaking his head at you. Oh, this poor boy, bless whatever bit of soul he still had left in him. You turned around, looking up at him as you wound your arms around his waist, hugging on him.
"Please? For me? Don't you even want to know what I'm getting done?" you whispered, giving him your best little pouty face and doe eyes. And that was how the two of you found yourselves in one of the finer tattoo shops in London that following week, you with a big grin on your face and Draco looking as reluctant as he ever could.
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"Does it hurt?" Draco's voice suddenly sounded from your right, causing you to look up from your book with a start. He was standing in the doorway of his bedroom, the faintest traces of his parents' voices drifting up to you both from downstairs.
Draco cast a brief irritated look over his shoulder before stepping into the room and closing the door behind himself. The voices faded, leaving just the two of you, along with a comfortable sort of silence, save for the hushed crackling of the flames in the fireplace. "Y/N, darling. Does it hurt?" Draco asked again, nodding towards your right arm.
You glanced down at the fresh ink there, shrugging lightly. You still couldn't believe Draco had actually agreed to come with you today. Oh, sure, he had sat there in a sort of gloomy silence at first, his eyes fixed into narrowed slits on the tattoo artist. But then, as the design started taking place on your arm, he had found himself leaning forward, his interest utterly piqued.
"It still stings a little, but that'll fade. Thanks again for coming with me today. It was nice having you there to watch." you murmured now, casting a grateful look in Draco's direction. He strolled towards the bed, sitting down next to you and undoing the top two buttons on his shirt with a sigh.
"Oh, darling, of course. Still can't believe that's how you lot get your ink done. Seems too painful for my liking, I suppose." he answered, leaning over and kissing the top of your head. "Let me see it again?" he added in a whisper, his eyes meeting yours hopefully. You laughed, setting your book aside and holding out your right arm towards Draco.
His fingers lightly traced over the dark scales of the newly inked serpent now wound around your arm, his breath hitching in his throat a little. You watched as those mercurial eyes of his darkened a shade, one corner of his mouth twitching up in the briefest and most fleeting of smirks.
His touch was featherlight on your skin, his grip gentle as he turned your arm this way and that, his eyes roving over the many shadows and juxtaposing grayscale lines and curves in the design, his attention wholly captured for the time being. Finally, he let out a low whistle, releasing your arm, though his gaze never wavered from the inked serpent.
"Definitely suits you, angel. Very... Slytherin-esque." he murmured. You couldn't help it; a laugh slipped from your lips as you scooted closer to him, snuggling up against him. "'Slytherin-esque', huh?" you teased him, grinning. He made a face at you, one of his hands moving down to lightly tap at your backside. "Oh, shush. Don't ruin the moment, Y/N." he retorted, though his smirk betrayed his words.
"So you like it, then? Me and my Muggle ink?" you asked, after a moment. Draco shook his head, leaning down and kissing you softly on the mouth. "No, darling. I love you and your Muggle ink... Every bit of it." he whispered, in between kisses. You couldn't help the feeling of pride that flowed within you at his words.
Who would ever have guessed that the one and only Draco Malfoy would actually grow to love something that the Muggles came up with? Things were slowly changing now, you could feel it, you could see it. He was changing... And all it had taken was a little bit of Muggle ink...
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A/N: Boom! Another oneshot for you guys! 😁 Now forgive me for my imaginings, but I can't help but wonder, no... Headcanon, actually... That Draco would have, like, a full sleeve of ink. Just... Maybe a serpent somewhere, and some other designs. 😳 I don't know, maybe I'm the only one who could picture it. Either way... 😉😉 Thankssss guysss! 🐍💚
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theprophetsaid · 1 year
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Brian saying he doesn’t know how gay sex works as if the man wasn’t a rock star who had enough sex to the point where it screwed him up, but now he’s acting like he can’t picture blow jobs or anal. Ok Brian. Ok.
Lmao yes, he's fooling absolutely no one with this. It's a very odd thing to say, especially as an aside. He was talking about Freddie going from sleeping with women to sleeping with men, and then felt the need to add, "Obviously I don't know how that works but—"
Obviously.
Obviously, he doesn't
Why would he????
That would be 🏳️‍🌈😜
And we can't have that—
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zoeykallus · 1 year
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youtube
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trilobyteme · 1 year
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did you know that good things are statistically more likely to happen to women than men?
yeah.
it's she/her dumb luck.
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shoutmonishere · 2 years
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Why, why am i cackling
This is a serious moment
And im fucking cackling over these shots
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Who thought this was gonna set in the mood
I cant take this seriously, help
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werewolf-cuddles · 2 years
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ah, the mood whiplash of somber battle music occasionally being broken up by the level up jingle
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tylorswift · 1 year
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TUMBLR IS SO ACTIVE IM CRYINSKDGLKDRGHGSF
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xi-xxi · 4 months
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My niece is in the other room and checked her midterm grades and I heard a dramatic scream and then “my daddy gone beat my ass.” 😭😂
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Hands: bandaged
Legs: bruised
Nose: bleeding
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horsechestnut · 14 days
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There are so many Dick, Bruce, or Tim kills the Joker fics on AO3, meanwhile Barbara was the one talking about how The Joker should be the exception to the No Kill Rule years before Red Hood Jason even existed.
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ohsymphony · 2 years
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God knew I would be too powerful if I were mentally stable
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averygaylemon · 2 years
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I just realised that I've been estranged from my dads side of the family for the last year now, and its absolutely horrible but at the same time I'm cackling. Of COURSE I'd be the weird estranged gay family member 😭🤣
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apocaelypsearch · 2 years
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tHEY’re BARELY IN THE SAME FRAME DJFOISJGO
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