#i spent an hour and a half on it and it STILL doesnt look good

[axolotlclown]

Would you happen to have some studies to back up the "more than one coffee means you're addicted" thing, please? Pretty sure I've seen that disproven as a lens to understand addiction through at all

~ 🪴

Hey! So sorry I never saw this anon. It never appeared in my notifs and I'm really bad about checking my askbox.

You have asked a question that falls in line with a field I am very passionate about! I found some interesting articles in my school library. I'm going to go ahead and write this response, but I'm still waiting on access to a few journals. I'll have to convert those ones to PDFs as they are likely behind paywalls.

Anyway, here's my long post where I intend to rant about a lot of different barely related topics. Caffeine addiction is one of those really controversial but historically significant subjects in psychology!

So let me start off with how to read and break down a journal. It's one of those things where if you don't go to college and specifically major in a research related field, no one ever teaches you how to do it. That sucks.

So when you're looking at a journal, the first thing you want to do is background check the author. What school did they go to? What degrees do they have? (For research, they should have a Ph.D. no matter what.) What is their current place of employment?

Often companies, or other private businesses, will commission someone to do some research and fudge the results to make that company look better. We saw this recently in regards to gender affirming care. The United States House of Representatives had proposed legislation to restrict gender affirming care for transgender youth. The Republican sponsor of the bill had presented a single piece of research that he claimed was significant. The research found that transition regret rates were somewhere in the 30% range. (I don't remember exactly and I know that I could quickly look it up, but I just spent the past two hours reading addiction research. I'll find it tomorrow.) Upon looking into the author and the sponsors of this research, psychologists found that the journal the congressman presented was commissioned by a conversation therapy center in Florida. The research held obvious bias, poor peer review, and inconclusive results. The bill didn't pass. I'm not sure they even voted on it, actually.

Anyway, this is why we need to be critical of the research we read. Chocolate, wine, caffeine, gender dysphoria, and autism are notorious subjects that require more scrutiny before reading.

So, caffeine addiction. This is a subject that more than one field is interested in. Before you read an article, you need to be sure what question you are asking. Psychologists are concerned with a more scientific or factual approach. In this context, a psychologist would be researching the concrete effects of caffeine on mood, sleep, and other psychological disorders. Sociologists are more concerned with the overall social consequences of caffeine addiction. They would be asking how mood and sleep affected family, work, and personal welfare. For your question, we're going to look into the psychological aspect. Also, I'm studying psychology, not sociology, so I would feel like an idiot answering those types of questions.

This distinction matters. When I opened my school's EBSCOHost database, I simply typed in "caffeine addiction" to start. I was bombarded with sociological articles and journals about the affects of caffeine addiction on productivity at work and on mood. Strange overlap with psychology. Two problems: some of the top articles had researchers with ties to coffee companies, and all "caffeine addicts" were self-reported. For the latter, this meant that there was no standard for how much caffeine was consumed. Rather than being a concrete article about caffeine consumption, it was more of a survey of public opinion. You want to avoid those unless you specifically want to know about the public opinion. Even psychologists run surveys all the time (they're cheap and easy), but people often lie on surveys, even if they're anonymous.

So I typed in more specific key words and came up with these articles. I'll talk about some without leaving a link, but that's because I had to request the PDFs for sharing. I'll come back to this post and link them. (Let me know if the ones I do link are broken.)

Okay, so I'm going to start off with a journal that interested me, personally. This study actually observed the effects of caffeine on psychiatric patients. This is an important reminder that different drugs influence different brains. Someone with ADHD experiences caffeine differently for a neurotypical person. Caffeine is a stimulant, and ADHD medications are stimulants. Cool. What about other disorders?

Here's the Sparknotes of the study, "Caffeine intoxication was more prevalent in psychiatric patients than in healthy subjects. The amount of caffeine intake was shown to be associated positively with the severity of pathology and inversely with sleep quality."

The study goes more into depth about the different psychological disorders that different patients had. There were 401 patients participating in this study (150 healthy individuals). Overall, continuous caffeine intake showed a decline in sleep quality and a general increase in severity of other mental illnesses.

So what causes that? What is caffeine? Here's an article that looks into studies about caffeine consumption and performance, as well as what the causes of an addiction could be and what constitutes an addiction. This is one I recommend giving a read, as it helps to illuminate a common problem with researching intoxicants.

Here's the big take away: "Although caffeine is widely perceived to have beneficial psychostimulant effects, appropriately controlled studies show that its apparent beneficial effects on performance and mood are almost wholly attributed to reversal of the withdrawal effects that occur after fairly short periods of abstinence (e.g. overnight)."

In habitual coffee users, the increase of mood and performance after consumption of caffeine is caused by the removal of withdrawal symptoms. Grouchy mood and lack of coordination are symptoms of caffeine withdrawal. Where one may perceive positive reinforcement for initial consumption, for habitual consumers, withdrawal symptoms become a negative reinforcement.

So, for people that drink coffee everyday, it's less about getting the positive effects of caffeine, but rather avoiding the negative effects of withdrawal. This can be classified as an addiction. There is now a reliance on this substance.

Something this article also points out is that caffeine is not just found in coffee. It's found in chocolate and most medications these days as well. Therefore, complete stone cold abstinence from caffeine can be next to impossible, making control groups difficult to find. This leads to the varying research and controversy between psychologists.

Okay, but coffee can't be as bad as alcohol or anything right? Caffeine is practically harmless! Let's take a look into an article discussing the health impacts of caffeine. (I'll provide the full text to this one tomorrow.)

In Dr. Saimaiti's article titled, "Dietary Sources, Health Benefits, and Risks of Caffeine," she explores the benefits of occasional consumption of caffeine and weighs them against habitual overconsumption of caffeine.

While occasional consumption can actually improve mood and cognitive ability, these benefits are lost with daily consumption.

Few people drink their coffee black. For those that put creamer, milk (especially oat), or straight sugar or syrups in their coffees daily, they may be overconsuming sugar. This is especially hard on an empty stomach. This is part of the reason you "crash" later in the day. The sugar raises your blood sugar. For most healthy people, this may not be the biggest deal in the world. For others, it could be a key factor in developing diabetes later in life. In general, don't drink coffee on an empty stomach. Have it with a meal. It's also easier on your liver.

Speaking of liver, what does your body do with the caffeine after you drink it? Caffeine follows the same principle as alcohol. Occasional consumption of red wine can help thin your blood and lower your hemoglobin (something that women may be more concerned about as they get older). However, daily consumption of wine can cause stress on the liver and potentially lead to dementia later in life (I say potentially because there has been a correlation, but no solid research as to why. While correlation does not always mean causation, it's important to acknowledge them in the meantime.)

Caffeine behaves in the same way. Continuous consumption of caffeine can put some real stress on your liver over time.

Caffeine is dangerous for those with cardiovascular problems. While this seems like a "duh!" point, many people don't know that they may be prone to cardiovascular issues until an event happens. This sounds like fear mongering, but it's something to take into account.

The article discusses pregnant women as well, but I would hope that's intuitive? Maybe not? If you're pregnant you should avoid intoxication in all forms.

I'll drop this quote from the conclusion of the article for now (I felt weird quoting text that you can't access yet, so I'll come back with more quotes when I can give you the PDF): "the long-term or over-consumption of caffeine can lead to addiction, insomnia, migraine, and other side effects."

The point is, caffeine consumption can be more dangerous to some than others in general, but excessive consumption with lack of knowledge can lead to long-term damage to one's health.

Okay, that study talks about a relatively small niche. Let's get broad. Let's talk about sleep and cognitive performance. (Another study I'll have the PDF for tomorrow.)

In Dr. Gottselig's article titled, "Random Number Generation During Sleep Deprivation: Effects of Caffeine on Response Maintenance and Stereotypy," she looks at the effects caffeine has on cognitive performance during sleep deprivation.

The conclusions of this research makes a very important point: "caffeine preserves simple aspects of cognitive performance during sleep deprivation, whereas caffeine may not prevent detrimental effects of sleep deprivation on some complex cognitive functions."

This article particularly found that while small cognitive functions such as motor ability improved with caffeine, complex cognitive functions such as problem solving and memory declined.

While a college student could read this and understand that pulling an all nighter and drinking 10 Red Bulls probably won't help them pass their test, there's something much more to be said about these findings.

One sleep deprived night won't kill you, and certainly drinking a cup of coffee to get you through the day won't either. But caffeine cannot prevent the damage that regular sleep deprivation does. Sleep deprivation leads to memory loss, worsening symptoms of depression/anxiety/ADHD, increased chances of developing dementia early (this one is real), and a decline in overall cognitive ability.

Rough. But it is a trap. If you have insomnia, caffeine may feel like your only choice to be somewhat functioning throughout the day. Caffeine promotes symptoms of insomnia. It's a vicious cycle if you can't afford proper treatment, and one, that I hope, that will be addressed with time.

So if you have the ability, it's better to prioritize a good night's sleep. I'll come back to this.

For now, why is caffeine addiction so controversial then? Well, it may not be for long. While there was a push to add "caffeine" to the list of diagnosable addiction in the DSM since the 1980's, the inconsistent and inconclusive research has led to a standstill. As we say with Dr. Jame's article, it is difficult to get a control group for caffeine. However, as research for alcohol and marijuana progresses, our knowledge of how to properly study intoxicants does as well.

The long-term health side effects of caffeine are still being studied as well. While this aspect isn't unique to caffeine at all (marijuana, for example, is just now getting approved for research, where before it was illegal), it's still worth acknowledging what we do know, for now at least.

So, coming back to the DSM. There's a new one coming out pretty soon. It's the talk of the town among psychologists right now. Everyone is arguing about what should be in the DSM-6. It'll be crazy when it does come out. Autism, OCD, Gender Dysphoria, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Facial Dysmorphia are just a few examples of disorders that will likely be completely recategorized.

(Unrelated, but Autism Spectrum Disorder is a big one because a lot of psychologists are arguing that it shouldn't be classified as a disorder at all. The reason being is that Autism is so common, that psychologists are theorizing that the majority of the population falls on the spectrum somewhere. Either way, the diagnosis is about to completely change because of this fact.) (Well, all of them are big ones. I could make a whole separate post about it.)

Anyway, the push to make caffeine diagnosable is becoming a promising endeavor as research continues to come out.

One psychiatrist pushing for this is Ronald Griffiths. In his opinion piece, Griffiths recalls his patients experiencing caffeine withdrawal symptoms that led to a decline in the quality of life. One of his patients was diagnosed with breast cancer and needed to stop drinking coffee immediately. This patient struggled with severe withdrawal symptoms that were difficult to manage while on cancer treatment.

Griffiths explains how difficult it was to treat this patient because it wasn't something he could easily diagnose with the DSM-5, something insurance companies use to decide whether they're going to pay for care or not. Add on the bills for cancer treatment, and you rapidly have a distressing situation on your hands.

Joseph DeRupo, spokesman for the National Coffee Association in the U.S. as quoted in this article states, "What we have here is really the opinion of one scientist who is a lone voice against the accepted view of the scientific community."

Lone voice? In barely an hour I was able to find 5 credible articles, all backed by credible researchers, supporting the understanding that American society consumes too much caffeine. You can take a General Psych class in college and the textbook would spend half a chapter going over caffeine addiction and the controversial research around it. Coffee companies piss me off. And most companies use slave labor to harvest their beans and lobby to prevent legislation to prevent it. Guillotine.

Griffiths also claims that "[e]ven people who consume as little as 100 milligrams of caffeine a day—the equivalent of one small cup of coffee—can become physically dependent."

So this ask is pretty old, but I'm guessing it was in response to me saying that you should only drink one cup of a random beverage a day and the rest be water. This keeps you hydrated and helps cut out where the majority of your sugar intake is. I called it the "desert beverage" and that "coffee counts."

It really does. In the morning, one feels tired, foggy, and grouchy. "Don't talk to me until I've had my morning coffee." They would make their coffee out of habit, barely minding the taste of it—drinking to medicate the headache they've already caused.

Life is worth celebrating, and if we can find little things in our day to celebrate, we should! When coffee becomes a habit, it's just a habit. That's sad.

I worked as a barista for a while at a coffee shop that hired people with intellectual disabilities. That experience is what made me switch my major to psychology in the first place. But I saw the joys coffee could bring, and the damage it can do, too. I had a coworker who would come in and throw a tantrum if we didn't immediately stop what we were doing and make him a coffee—and again in two hours before the end of his shift. It's upsetting.

I do remember the joys, too. Our manager would show us a new niche coffee drink from a random country. We would make cubanos like they would in Haiti and talk about the different names they had in different countries around the world. It ruled.

I don't drink coffee every day anymore. But it's always a wonderful thing when I do. You don't need to have an "excuse" to drink a cup of coffee—you don't need to celebrate anything at all. Coffee, tea, wine, soda, and juice should be celebrated as they are. Drinking them out of habit destroys joy. Intentional habits create stable foundations in life. Unintentional habits create monotony and boredom.

Anyway, the sleep thing I said I'd come back to. So if you're having trouble sleeping, here's the hot tip: avoid screens 30 minutes before going to bed. That sounds easy, but how many of us scroll our phones, watch TV, or play a video game right before bed? It's not worth it.

Instead, do something away from your phone that you enjoy. I like to read, but you can draw, journal, listen to some music, practice an instrument, or write something. Doesn't matter, just don't use your phone or laptop. Set a 30 minute timer for time.

If you're still struggling to sleep, you may find meditation useful. Meditation uses techniques that make your brain send beta waves which relaxes you and is the first step to falling asleep. But! If you try to learn some meditation, you'll have to commit to practicing it every night for it to be useful. It's a skill that requires practice.

Anyway, I could make a whole separate post about evening/morning/afternoon routines as that is another one of my passions, but yeah.

TLDR; An occasional cup of coffee is actually great and wonderful, but you really shouldn't drink it every day, especially more than once a day.

PS. I love Red Bull cream sodas more than the God that created them, I swear, but I only drink maybe one or two energy drinks a year. Energy drinks will dissolve your liver faster than hydrochloric acid can. An alcoholic drinking 5 packs of beers a day will look at your liver and be impressed. Also the Panera lemonade should be illegal. That shit is CRAZY. That bitch had more caffeine than a Bang energy drink. It literally killed a man. Wild.

#anon im gonna be so incredibly transparent #before you read this #i spent four and a half hours researching and putting this together #and i still gotta add more sources tomorrow after my school send the pdfs to me #so i didnt proof read it #im tired #i hope it makes enough sense #also sorry if it sounds like i mansplained in the beginning and end #i dont know who you are or what your background is #so i tried to cover my corners as much as i could #anyway #i got a little buddhist philosophy at the end there to #as a treat for me #i hope it doesnt sound preachy #i need a nap bro #sorry for taking so long to get to your ask #i never saw it until now #BUT #i hope it worked as a good starting point if you wanted to look into more #let me know if the links are fucked and ill try to fix them #asks of dante #thoughts of dante #ill tag your little emoji bc i figured that was purposeful #🪴

[fallenangels1987]

lets face it. the joker sucks as a batman villain. everybody thinks hes good because hes got a cool character design and hes been around since forever and writers keep trying to make him good, but in concept alone he fails to tap into any of the central themes or intrigue of batman, and nor does he reflect any of bruces internal conflict. really, the only use the joker has ever had was creating harley quinn, but now shes an entirely separate character from him so any short-lived relevance he may have had with her is gone. but contrary to what some may think, i dont think the joker should die. that decision would be a big deal and he'd be so dramatic about it, we'd have an entire plotline dedicated to it.... no one wants that. no one wants to see his stupid joker face for longer than physically necessary. it would also be reversed by the next reboot. no, we need a plan to make him irrelevant. more so than he already is, i mean.

first, we have batmans rogues gallery do a drag race. whos judging? poison ivy and the riddler. its green-themed. but see this is genius. cuz who hates the joker more than poison ivy and the riddler? yeah, harley quinn, who is not in attendance cuz she knows whats about to happen. in fact, she planned this, and shes using this as her cover to mess around with selina and try to convince her to be harley and pams third again. it wont work, but the dedication and jakey-haterism is commendable.

the drag race itself is not the focus, however. see, the entire thing has been set up to generate the most drama possible. everyone except for the joker has received invitations that say the show (which is being live broadcast to an unwilling audience of 150,000, all of whom thought they were watching the morning news up until 5 minutes ago, and found themselves unable to switch the broadcast off) will be recording their every move, so they better be on their worst behavior. the joker, unbeknownst to this, is being his usual asshole self, but not even in a fun conniving way, just in the regular asshole way.

at some point, he starts a fight. tensions are already high and hes the fucking joker. just let him dig his own grave here. he starts a fight and his (already shitty, i should add) outfit gets torn. now he has to spend all of his time that should be spent on makeup on fixing the stitching of this dress, and its going awful, and hes been forcibly removed from the makeup/costume making zone so hes just sitting on the stoop outside with a single spool of thread trying to fix this poofy ass dress. soon enough hes got 5 minutes left on the clock and hes still not finished, so hes like fuck it! im just gonna do my makeup and hope for the best. the makeup is atrocious, predictably, he doesnt even get to finish the eyeliner, but he tries to go back inside nonetheless. oops, he got locked out! thank you, tetch. now hes gotta go through the front, all the while trying not to get dirt on this dress which is falling apart on top of him, knowing full well poison ivy and the riddler and the rest of the queens are making fun of him for being late.

he gets back in. by this point, hes sweating like a damn hog, his makeup is running, but hes HERE. he sees amygdala preparing to go down the runway. no no no, the JOKER cant have that. the joker cant have anyone stealing his rightfully earned spotlight. he pushes amygdala out of the way and waits for the go-ahead.

poison ivy and the riddler look confused and disturbed, then whisper to one another for a moment. they turn back toward him.

"didnt we already escort you off the premises like, half an hour ago?" the riddler asks.

"yeah, you weren't supposed to come back," poison ivy says. "that's the point of having henchmen take you out."

they argue about this for a while until joker is thrown out again. the public vote gives him a pitiful 1%.

after that, hes a laughing stock! nobody likes him! hes just the guy who couldnt take a hint even after he was kicked out of a building! he resigns in disgrace and moves to rural ohio where he becomes a gas station attendant. and THAT is how we get rid of the joker.

[unknownfr1]

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley HCS!!!

Some fluff head cannons i randomly think of now and then:)

• When he wants cuddles he never says it he just sits next to you, moving closer and closer till you get the hint and have to ask him. As soon as he gets them he is happy.

•You convinced him to play an action game and when he first tried it he was yelling “This doesnt happen!” or “This is false information”and throwing his fist in the air. Constantly talking to the tv and telling the game, what to do correctly and you couldn’t help but laugh the whole time while watching him. He acts like he hates them but when your not around? he is always playing them (he secretly loves it).

•Only likes when you make his tea because you know how to do it perfectly (how he likes it). When other people try make his tea he ends up scoffing at the first taste and criticizes them.

•After a good 2 years of your relationship, when you brought up having kids he started coughing dryly and didnt know what to say, all he could do was mumble and grunt “ehm…” “yeah uh”. After another good year he started thinking about it properly in his own time and was terrified. He’d constantly day dream and snap out of it just thinking about the scary subject.

•Once you finally told him you were pregnant, his eyes widened and jaw dropped and his face turning white. You had to ask him if he’s alright and he didnt respond, he hugged you and then went to go sit down. Taking around 2 fingers of bourbon and his phone in hand, he dialed price and spoke shakily “Its happening” he mumbled with a little excitement and a bit of scaredness. After the phone call he sat alone for a good hour and. a half then finally left the room to see you sitting at the kitchen table, then glancing up at him with a concerned look…he then immediately wrapped his arms around you and kissed you on your forhead “i’m gon be a dad” he had to tell himself, still in disbelief.

•When you had the baby, he gasped at how small he/she was in his massive figured arms, its was almost scary for him, he had prepared himself for this moment…the moment he became a father. When you guys got home he made sure you got all the rest you needed and spent most nights with the baby, you still exhausted from the birthing of the child. Always up at the cries, cuddling and cooing, feeding and diaper changes? always in his care. Once you recovered he started to hell you with these type of things since you weren’t used to it at all.

Follow for more stories/HCS🫶🏽🫶🏽

My first ever time writing so ignore mistakes pls😭

#ghost call of duty #ghost mw2 #simon riley #ghost fanfiction #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #simonriley #ghost headcanons #mw2

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA

so me (enby 18) and my mother (f60) were going to an event at my college. over the years, it's felt as such my mother has had to get herself involved in my life in school. sometimes it's been good with bullying situations, but not so good when she was calling the counselor about how i didn't make the top ten at my school and how it was deliberate on their parts (tldr bunch of bad blood with school - corrupt fucks in southern us). so with me starting college, i was finally hoping that i could get some independence on my own, even if i'm not living on campus for money reasons (broke pls i want scholarships so bad). like maybe i could do things without her involvement, maybe i could use my pronouns and name (not violently transphobic but does not approve and does not know of, only friends online that she also doesn't know about and few irl), maybe i don't have to restrain from acting as myself.

except she is still getting involved, she's called the dining people about my meal plans and even called one of my professors to ask about what kind of laptop i would need if i got a new one, note i have one but it's a few years old.

with this event (god i went off topic but yall need some context on this and i don't feel like i'm giving NEARLY enough) we said that mom could go in and check in and she could go hang out somewhere else. that she doesnt have to stay. i thought that was the plan.

then we go in there and she's not. and i'm a bit embarrased since i'm one of the few people with their parent there so i'm standing away from her while trying to figure out how to tell her i don't want her in here (due to the whole repression thing, just immediate discomfort and pressure with her here)

then after a few minutes i talk to her and try to do it softly with that she doesnt have to stay but she got it that i was telling her to leave. then she left, discomfort away but guilt set in. spent the rest of the hour and half i spent there trying not to feel guilty and not feel worried when i come back.

THEN i come back and she's not upset but you know the vibes are fucking off. and i'm trying to get her to just be upset with me and tell me how she's feeling by asking her, but she is just not.

then later i finally manage to get her to open up and she says how i put her in a bad situation there and made both of us look bad (okay that i admit). said i didn't talk to her about this beforehand (which i'm pretty sure we did) and how i left her with nothing to do while i was there (made me feel worse and guiltier than before). said she wasn't mad (even though she is clearly not acting like herself, wouldn't even face me when i came in to talk to her) but chalked it up to immaturity and not being good with socialness (neurodivergent + hermit)

i get how i could of handled the situation better, but AITA for wanting to have anything to myself? (sorry for the essay)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[andromerot]

my pedro almodóvar marathon. thoughts, feelings, tier list

or, i spent like 50 hours on this so i better get to post about it

well, i'd be lying if i said i set out to do this with any clear goals in mind. i sort of just wanted to watch movies. this year i set out to watch through a couple of directors entire works, but ran into complications or got bored. so anyway when i finished my term i decided id try a third time with my best friend pedro. i had watched five of his films already but was mostly unaware of other things he had made. on the 22nd of november i started with matador, then went on and in exactly a month i had watched all of his feature films yayyy

so this is how i ranked them on letterboxd and this is a tier list. this doesnt really sum up my thoughts though so im leaving a little review for each below the cut, in the order i watched them in this month hope someone cares :) thank you

matador (1986): ohhhhhh my god. absolutely unexpected how insane this movie made me. many people say its not very good, i dont think that's true. transgressive, erotic, camp, necrosexual, implicit faggot tension, beautiful costuming, insanely talented cast of so many characters sick in the head. watching this one first really hyped me up to keep at it and to close out the month i rewatched it the other day and though it was less surprising than the first time i watched it its maybe my favorite now :) it has structural flaws i suppose. but i love it

¿que he hecho yo para merecer esto? (1984): pretty funny! not bad at all, i remember enjoying it as i watched it, it just wasnt very memorable. i enjoy every performance by carmen maura, chus was stellar as always and forqué was really sweet in this one too, i liked it. i literally forgot half of the plot though. did anyone remember the telepathic child or the faked hitler diaries? i didnt until i looked it up.

la ley del deseo (1987) (rewatched): showed this one to my friend, god its iconic. some of my favorite chiques almodovar. so fun to watch and so silly even though its not quite a comedy. the fact that antonio is just called antonio in this one makes me unwarrantedly happy. MAURA THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE!! very hot all around. i think i liked it better this time than the other two i had watched it.

pepi, luci, bom y otras chicas del montón (1980): everyone talks about how sexually transgressive 80s almodovar is and i was like yeah whatever until i watched this one. straight up trilogy of trash shit. so beautiful. i wish every movie was like this. no one likes it but i adored it. erecciones generales will stay in my mind forever and i loved the musical numbers. and the piss, of course.

entre tinieblas (1983): also somewhat forgettable, though i watched it while pretty worried about something else so maybe i didnt give it the attention it deserved. its not a bad time but i wouldn't rewatch it. based on the premise you think it'd be better.

la flor de mi secreto (1995) (rewatched): OH GOD. until last month my favorite almodóvar, its been outdone but it still destroys me. its terribly underrated. i dont even know what i can say about it... marisa paredes is stunning at doing desperation. the boots, the scene at the protest, the initial meeting with ángel, the poem in the car, that moment in the hall. it's beautiful and breathtaking. lesbian film history, i promise.

todo sobre mi madre (1999): like, its good, but i dont get what people see in it that makes it so acclaimed. again paredes is great in this, but penélope is somewhat tame compared to what she does later, and this is the point in the list where i have to admit cecilia roth is not very good to me and all my compatriots start throwing rocks at me. listen i just wish she'd stop doing that stupid accent its so fucking bad cecilia sincerate seguro sos de villa crespo. anyway its fine if a bit weird about trans women, but hes always a hit or miss w that

átame (1989): took a big break between the last one and this one for some reason. anyway, pretty funny, except it really drags in the middle. shouldnt have been that long, but victoria abril always slays and the last scene is wonderful.

tacones lejanos (1991): WOAHHHHH! really cool i liked it. i love a mother daughter thing especially this mother and this daughter. really fun doppelganger story and i love how it was told, i found it both melodramatic and subtle? miguel bosé makes a really pretty girl, this will inform my every subsequent rewatch of suspiria. big fan of his gender. dance number fucked obvs

kika (1993) (rewatch): ok, i know why people don't like this one, but its so silly... cmon. it sillay. once again incredible abril performance, the costuming my god.... her character makes the whole movie i wish i was her. lesbian rossy de palma was wonderful and every forqué performance is a delight. pedro getting hitchcockian with it to slightly trick the audience is a staple of his 90s filmography, fucks.

carne trémula (1997): the title made me think it would be better! there was barely any carne. i didn't really see the point of most of it tbh, though based on how the movie starts and ends there might be some spanish historical context that im missing that makes it more interesting. strangely reminiscing of the buenos aires affair to me, but puig is better. yeah it was just pretty boring.

laberinto de pasiones (1982): YAYYYYYY i had some trouble torrenting so i watched it really out of order this but its SO FUN. obviously in the same vein as pepi luci bom but i liked it slightly more just for how unnecessarily elaborate it was. the one major role i dont mind roth being in and im a big fan of antonios gay terrorist with an ultradeveloped sense of smell character and arias is really into his very silly character too – he works well in secreto as well, i wish hed been on more almodovares, i should finally watch camila. liné was hilarious too. the problematic incest storyline was really funny to me sorryyyyy and i got a lot of gender out of the musical performances. hey can you believe that beautiful fag covered in blood is a franquista now. i can

hable con ella (2002): ehhhhhhh. some people really hate this one for the couple scenes i found most interesting, others love it for reasons i cant parse. its got parts that caught my attention a lot, but mostly it was eerie in an unenjoyable and uninteresting way and the backstories dragged on too long, especially grandinetti's. like i just don't care sorry. THE scene is quite disturbing though. i appreciated he decided to show rape in a more subtle light for once, it made it a lot more cruel and a lot more interesting.

la mala educación (2004) (rewatch): sighhhh. i really wish i liked this one. its got so many elements i am into – the colours are obviously spectacular, the unreliable multiple narrations and the disassembled timelines are always enjoyable to me, the attempt at social commentary is appreciated, some scenes are stunning (fictional ignacios head split in half is unforgettable) but quite honestly the characterization is so bad it bores me. i liked it more the first time i watched it just because of how confused i was, once i wasnt it lost its magic. maybe the worst in what is considered the "somewhat autobiographical movies about directors" trilogy (i think there's four of them but we'll discuss that later) probably because the character of enrique is so bland. i know its more but it feels that you only spend like five minutes with him. ángel/juan's motivations for anything are so puzzling, ignacio is just a caricature at this point and probably the character with the most depth is berenguer, which is ironic, i guess

volver (2006): WAHHH. its hard to talk about it honestly. it was so unexpectedly beautiful. the acting is so on point – penélope cruz and that beautiful carmen maura comeback are self evident, but blanca portillo is also stellar. it was fascinating from minute one and i couldnt keep my eyes off it. its written with such care and love. i suppose the plot itself is nothing out of this world, but the way it is handled is explosive. i really adored it.

los abrazos rotos (2009): the fourth bastard on the self insert series! cmon, its way more about himself than la mala educación. anyway, its good at some points, not very in others. the strong point is obviously the relationship between mateo, judit and diego, their refusal to be tied as a family and their desire to be tied by love is reaaaally interesting. the scene at the sea... but penélope and her millionaire and her millionaires son do nothing interesting at any point, im afraid to say. sad! surprisingly not very memorable, even though i didnt dislike it as i watched it. like i remember i liked some things but if a couple weeks later i dont remember what they were its probably the movies fault

la piel que habito (2011): AUGHHH OK. fuck. THIS ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD. it wasnt it was really mid. when it started i was like oh is pedro trying out his hand at cronenberg and i was really excited because im SURE he can do cronenberg better than cronenberg but he didnt. it was worse. how are you giving your women less agency than that guy??? honestly probably the first ever film of his where this is a noticeable problem, though penélope in the last one should give us a hint. ughh it should have been good. im mad about that. no desire to question gender or power and the unchronological storytelling does nothing for me. BAD! if anything i recognized its sexual power for if banderas character was a woman i would be throwing up and convulsing on the floor. i hope vicente and his lesbian coworker had a beautiful romance i guess. i cant believe some people call this one one of the most controversial of his work....

los amantes pasajeros (2013): hm well everyone was like THIS is the bad one and i was like i bet you guys are just being mean but no yeah this is the bad one. its not funny and it drags on so long...i can usually defend the rape scenes in his movies, even in kika or hable con ella, but this one just sucks so bad. i was prepared to defend this movie but i cant. as soon as the movie started i was trying to guess where all the threads would connect, how all the characters would be linked and they mostly... weren't? also the reference to the gazpacho scene in mujeres made me groan out loud.

julieta (2016): well i dont really know what this was supposed to be....it feels on the surface it could have been really good but something about it felt so emotionless. it was an odd experience, watching it, because i expected to be moved by so many scenes and i never was. i dont know what the point of it was.

dolor y gloria (2019): ok yeah this one was sweet! didn't blow my mind or anything but it was very cleverly made...a really more beautiful way to do the childhood-as-movie thing than in mala educación, i really enjoyed it. nostalgia bores me sometimes but i feel hes not being annoying about it. long live old man yaoi (and finally an argentinian actor i DONT hate...) and that beautiful beautiful cave and that mind gripping apartment bringing in the characteristic insane set design but in a new way...i had a good time

madres paralelas (2021): oh this could have been so good! it wasnt but honestly i dont remember exactly why i disliked it. i suppose i didnt connect to the characters and that it is a story that requires that to engage you – their motivations were really out of place and unlike other movies that bothered me. really interesting premise, didnt work out. im sad about it. could have been cool.

yeah so that's it i only realized while writing this that i forgot to rewatch mujeres but obvs that ones very good, proper classic, quote it every time i eat gazpacho and such. also extraña forma de vida is a snore i refuse to watch it again. i hope this works as a rec list for someone. and i am ready to be stoned by my wrong opinions by the rest of you

#lol ive had this on my drafts for like a week. i forgor

[quitealotofsodapop]

I think your ideas are very funny. I have a request, can you write something where Ao Bing and Nezha react to off brand products, neon light sign fails, movies badly explained, weird Duolingo lines? Here are some examples I found down below.

Oh thank you! These are a little unusual, but I can def see these scenarios happening with LMK Nezha and Ao Bing cus if their lack of exposure to the modern world. Nezha in my au is a little better, but he still has trouble explaining things.

Tang: *just spent a few hours retelling the Journey to the West*

Nezha & Ao Bing: *both politey sitting and listening. Nezha might have tuned out the parts he wasnt in.*

Macaque, interupts via the shadows: "A nerd and four convicts spend literal years picking up a bunch of paperwork."

Tang: "No!!"

SWK: "I mean... he's not wrong. Master really was a nerd."

Nezha and Ao Bing are just left snickering as Tang works himself up defending the novel.

Ao Bing probably finds those mispelt/damaged signs hilarious. He's so used to proper written grammar and taking things at face value, that something as simple as "Fre shavocado" makes him start snort-laughing.

Imagine the gang are in the middle of a battle/chase and Ao Bing just Stops. And clutches his stomach laughing. The others are so confused that the fight pauses for a moment.

Half the gang just *cracks up*. The demon they're fighting too. Nezha has a moment of "Oh grow up." but he smiling. Fight resumes after a few minutes XD

As for offbrand products; they wouldn't have the context of brand recognition to understand why certain things have the same composition but different names. Nezha probably doesnt care and goes for the cheapest version; "Cus its the same thing." while Ao Bing has a mindset of; "Wait. Isnt the more expensive and popular version supposed to be better?"

SWK dumps down a punch of cheap snacks for the gang to pig out on, and some of the labels catch the princes eyes.

Nezha: "Wukong?"

SWK: "Yea bud?" "Why is the chocolate paste called Nut Master?"

Mei: "Lol what?" (°v° )

Rest of the kids: *start laughing*

SWK: "I wasnt even looking too hard. I was just grabbing whatever."

Ao Bing, clueless but smiling politely: "I dont get it. Tastes good though." ^_^

Nezha: *has to physically restrain himself from making a dirty joke*

I hope this is the kinda comedic nonsense you were looking for XD these were fun to think about

#lmk nezha #lmk ao bing #ao bing #requests #lego monkie kid #lmk #sorry if you meant other verses but im not that familiar with them

[karmicpunishment]

KARMIE BELOVED hear me out. ada minecraft server.

kyouka keeps taming animals (no one can bear to hit her. what if the dogs get mad at them. what if they have thorns armor. WHAT IF IT MAKES HER SAD.) and she is simply accompanied by a pack at all times

atsushi is still learning how to play and he builds these ugly-ass houses like we all did starting out but hes so proud of them (as he should be)

i was torn on dazai but i think it would be funny is hes so so bad at minecraft. he keeps walking off of inclines and dying bc he doesn't pay attention to his healthbar. he insists hes just playing on a higher level (hes actually rlly good at pvp and uses that for shenanigans but general play? he sucks so bad)

alternatively i think kunikida should be really good when he does play bc it would annoy dazai so much. i think he builds really nice houses and insists the game is just math but doesn't even play that often bc too much time gaming is unhealthy (it infuriates dazai that hes so competent despite barely playing)

i think ranpo plays exclusively for the chaos. he and dazai are a terrible combination (for everyone else) but also extremely funny. also i think he breaks minecraft in insane ways for fun when he gets bored and its a tossup whether the rest of the server suffers or benefits bc of it

tbh i think yosano should go feral in minecraft? like i think she should steal good gear from whoever has it and go kill to her heart's content. u cannot tell me she doesnt have insane amounts of repressed fury i think she should relieve that stress by going on adventures where she kills whatever she finds. yosano should 1v1 the warden powered by sheer spite i think

i think fukuzawa would not really understand minecraft?? but he gets on the server sometimes to spend time with the other members and has a minecraft cat that follows him everywhere (it took so many fish to tame. he worked so fucking hard for that ok)

OH MY GOD KENJI. I FORGOT HIM. THE BOY. i think hes so excited to play with everyone :) he can't build but he collects animals like kyouka and also provides the majority of the food for the other server members. hes like me fr just out here making massive farms of food and also collecting soo many farm animals in pens (he insists on not overcrowding the animal pens)

anyway i will end this by saying rip tanizaki hes the only remotely normal player on this fucking minecraft server

HI PAT!!! and yes yes yes to all of this

kyouka as an animal hoarder tamer is so cute and so real. kenji definitely does this too and yeah he'd totally make Massive farms. ranpo tells him he could make automated ones with redstone and he finds that amazing but also much rathers to just do it himself. they have huge buildings dedicated just to the animals they've collected and basically every name tag someone finds goes towards naming them all.

atsushi would 100% start out building the ugliest houses fr...all the dirt 4x4s and then the wooden box houses. he gradually gets better until hes a pretty decent builder. i feel like he'd also be the type to just get utterly lost in the game lol both in terms of directions (but he always writes down his coordinates) but also like he'd look up at the clock and realize he's spent 3 hours mining.

dazai being an utter disaster at the game is so funny to me. he's not allowed to go mining by himself because he will just die in a random cave and lose everything (also not allowed in the nether for similar reasons). he would be the type to purposefully hit a zombie pigmen just to make his fellow players lives worse lmao. the first thing someone gives him on the server is feather falling boots because he keeps walking off tall places (half the time on purpose the other half are complete accidents) it just makes him walk off things more but at least he's dying less because of it. he's an expert at setting up in game pranks though (usually on kunikida, the poor guy)

kunikida being great at minecraft is so near and dear to me now. i feel like he played the game a lot as a kid because lets be honest, its perfect for him but then kinda fell out of playing it as he got older. and then one of his students from when he was an assistant teacher reminded him of it and he got back into it. he definitely plays for like a couple a week to destress on his own private world where he has the most insane builds. he also is totally a resource gatherer/hoarder too, he's always giving the others supplies (though giving is a strong word, half of them just steal from him).

ranpo is also a disaster in minecraft i feel. he could build insane things but he doesn't have the patience for it honestly. same with redstone stuff, like he gets it but he doesn't usually take the time to do it. he's absolutely awful at pvp though and he gets lost ALL the time. he is the perfect person to go to when trying to find a special area or material, he always knows what someone needs. i also feel like he'd like potion making, idk why. he also really enjoys insane mod packs (though he makes other people install them for him)

yosano would totally be an insane pvp'er. she enjoys the other aspects of the game too but she gets the most enjoyment spending her nights beating mobs. she's not much of a builder but she does like to spend some time decorating the inside of ppl's bases. she's the kind of player to set off withers to defeat on her own for fun. she also plays bedwars lol and is a beast at it.

fukuzawa definitely has just a nice little house with like 5 cats in it. he logged on the first day of the server and then maybe like 3 times since but its okay. and absolutely no one is allowed to touch his house, under threat of ranpo's chaos lol. also no one really wants to destroy the presidents house, it just feels wrong.

tanizaki is just a fairly well-rounded player, like his builds aren't amazing but they're nice, he's decent at combat, he likes resource gathering etc. i feel like he and naomi have like several worlds of their own that they've kept up with for years at this point, with just like sprawling cities worth of builds. his favorite things to do in the game are probably just going on long journeys to find new biomes and fishing lol

#this is so great #the ada minecraft server <333 #the black lizard also 100% have their own minecraft server #but thats for another post at another time lol #the armed detective agency #the armed detective agency bsd #the ada #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd #kyouka izumi #kyouka bsd #miyazawa kenji #kenji bsd #atsushi nakajima #atsushi bsd #dazai osamu #dazai bsd #kunikida doppo #kunikida bsd #ranpo edogawa #ranpo bsd #yosano akiko #yosano bsd #fukuzawa yukichi #fukuzawa bsd #tanizaki junichirou #tanizaki bsd #naomi tanizaki #naomi bsd

[freebooter4ever]

Hi I wonder

If/when you finish Geno’s sculpture will you be able to program it to move? Like animation?

I’m not familiar with 3d modeling

this is a very good question, actually! cause the easy answer is yes, absolutely. the more complicated answer is that the topology i've modeled is optimized for sculpture rather than animation, so to turn it into an animated character and get clean movement i would have to make some modifications around the sections that deform the most (shoulders, elbows, knees, etc). brief lunchtime course in topology under the cut :)

the topology or 'wireframe' of a character represents the polygons. and each polygon is defined by vertices which are the actual coordinates stored in the computer that tells it to render these objects!

on the left is the sculpt that im working on, and on the right is the 'smoothed' version where the computer calculates a curved spline between points instead of a flat polygon (with certain specific case like where i've told it to 'crease' edges which will keep the sharp polygon line).

My goal in this sculpt (like the skate and the helmet and the gear) was to keep polycount as low as possible to give myself the cleanest lines in a way similar to how i process drawings. This means i have large shapes with as few polygons as i can get away with, so there's certain areas that have very very few polygons entirely. The biggest example of this is the back and the shoulder/arm connection:

if i were topologizing this for animation the 'wireframe' lines would be concentrated where deformation happens. So when I raise the arm the shoulder would have enough geo to stay defined and smooth instead of stretching. right now if i bent his elbow it would cause this problem. luckily, im only planning to bend his elbow for a few poses in a final sculpt - so when i finish with the pose i will go back in and add whatever extra geo is necessary.

anyway the purpose of my sculpting with as little polygons as i can is to keep the silhouette as well as keeping it as clean as possible so that it'll look good in toon shaders. (you can see the 'active points' is under 4k' in the corner there)

the best example i have of this is the face which is absolutely not done so dont judge me but its finally at a point where it doesnt look too terrifying:

on the right is the quick sculpt i did just to get a feel for his face in 3D - this was done with clay sculpting and you can see even though i used the hard surface brush its made up of millions of little vertices so doesn't have that 'clean' look. the goal is to make the gray spaces between as flat as possible to make that toon 2D look in 3D. :)

my face topology is based off which lines i want to 'show' as my 'drawing' lines and wouldn't necessarily result in good animation. geno's lips are driving me crazy - i have so many photos and still they aren't good enough. there's that bow shape on his bottom lip that i'm trying to recreate in geo and its slow going. i take a break from whatever apps or shit im working on, tinker with his lip shape for a half hour, and then go back to working lol.

here's an example of a hard surface object which doesn't deform (because if a helmet squishes thats....thats probably a very bad sign for the player) and so can be as high res as i want it to be to get the level of detail i want:

why am i doing all this? i dunno im crazy. sometime in october a character artist from a big name studio told me my portfolio needed to reflect their 'style' more if i wanted to be hired there and my reaction was well fuck this im figuring out what my OWN style looks like in 3D. probably not the smartest career move. (ive spent 10 years in this industry and i have been a chameleon the entire time blending into everyone else's style. if im spending my own money on this i want it to be mine)

but, going back to the original question, my vision back in october was a beauty sculpt of geno in some action shot - on the ice with the puck or celly. and the sculpt would be crisp and clean and lit with sharp angular lights like how i draw (getting his cheekbone right is a must and makes me cry). and on a turntable. so thats the goal, no animation necessary, and its looking like i might get there in the next month. :)

the, uh, torso sculpt is cause i want to do an extra pose of him looking sexy in his locker stall with his armor gear and shit (pants ON though, you can see i have not sculpted past the waist :P). thats just for me lmao.

#jrnlsht

[the73rdpostscript]

The Low of Your Life Will be Art Soon

Un-beta'd and unresearched.

(No. Seriously. I cannot emphasize enough how much I did not research the 1100s for this.)

Nicky sits at the table, staring blankly at the loaf of bread he meant to cut. Its a picturesque thing - a perfect shade of honey-brown with a sheen on top. They did well making it, but then again they've have years to get it right. And there are even more years ahead; more than he can comprehend at the ripe old age of 80.

He is not looking at the floor, keeping his eyes studiously trained on the bread and not the knife. Anyone walking in might think he doesnt know where the knife fell, but he does. It's all he can think about.

Nicky couldnt forget the knife anymore than he can forget the blood on the dirt or the way the little child had looked - pale and still.

Andromache had handled most of the social easing. She had spoken to the mother and offered comfort while Joe and Nicky had done the burying, and Quynh had asked the men of the village about housing.

So now they stay in this home - bartered for them and safe for the next season of labor.

They come and go from this place of safety while the child's body lays in the ground. And Nicky is here at the table, alive and unable to feed himself or his family because he cannot hold a knife.

They're on a self-imposed break from aiding armies. Andromache and Quynh spoke of building their trust and teamwork. But that is easier said than done now that chores have all been taken and evenly spread.

With four people and one home the work is lessened considerably. Before, Nicky could have spent the whole afternoon making enough bread for him and Joe to split, but instead they are already stocked for the next few days and he is here - staring at it instead of preparing it to be eaten. Which makes him both dangerous and useless.

"Nicky. Why is our knife on the floor?" Andys voice interrupts the wave of rising guilt and Nicky swallows.

"I'm punishing it." He tries, affecting humor where he feels none.

"What did it do?" Andy asks holding his gaze with her own and giving no quarter when he tries on a smile.

When he opens his mouth, no response comes out.

"Okay." She says, stepping forward and pulling him up gently by rhe arm.

"Andromache-"

"You're not doing yourself any good sitting here."

Leading him from the house, she shouts something unintelligible at Quynh where the other woman is sparring with Joe. Joe spares Nicky a questioning look, and Nicky tries to shrug but the gesture looks half insane as the yank of Andys hand throws his shoulders up without his permission. As they storm towards the village, Nicky sees Joe still watching him from the yard - clearly trying to talk to Quynh while he watches the two of them storm off.

"Andromache we have to eat soon," Nicky argues, walking along to keep up with her regardless of the protests hes making. He learned long ago that when Andy is moving you follow her and argue on the way.

"There will be food where we're going."

"Joe-"

"Is fine without you," She retorts, and the words shut him up immediately. She is right, after all.

So they march down the road for the mile or so it takes to get to town, where she directs him to a house hes never seen before.

A woman he recognizes answers the door and greets them both, welcoming them inside after Andy explains that they're here to help with the [bread making]

The woman - who kindly reminds Nicolo that her name is Anna - leads them inside and takes over where Andromache started, directing Nicky to sit in the open space on the floor. There, the two women on either side of him make tittering comments to themselves in the local dialect, too fast for him to catch. They show him what they're doing, and Anna occasionally calls out clearer instructions from somewhere else in the room.

It takes a full hour for him to feel comfortable with the motions, and another hour before they finish making enough. His arms feel well worked - the muscles unfamiliar with the small changes in an otherwise familiar pattern of motion.

Around him, the women talk and laugh. Every so often one of them will aks him a question, and they will all laugh or murmur at his awkward attempts to respond clearly. When the subject of his relationship status comes up, he thinks of sleeping beside Yusuf under the stars - traveling side by side. And he thinks of the disgust in Joe's eyes the first time they argued over the fire, the way his lip had curled at Nicky's defensiveness of his people - his fellow murderers.

He says none of this. He says he is still waiting for the right one, and the responding choke he hears from farther into the room alerts him to Andromache's presence. She's been settled into a chair by the window - working on something he cannot see with Anna. The look on her face is at once smug and indifferent - an expression Nicky has many times considered to be not dissimilar to how God might look at him if he could ever reach the afterlife.

The woman to his left - Elsa - pats his arm and finishes saying something about her very single daughter. Nicky feels himself struggling for an appropriate tone to respond with. But before he can try another woman in the group interrupts and he stays silent as the chaos rises and falls again like a wave - his own part in the process lost to the personal gripes of the community.

Its well past dark when they leave. Andy is quiet beside nicky in a way he has learned to interpret as content. It often baffles him, how easily she slips into comfort or ease - even in the midst of horrors or boredom. In some ways she reminds him of priests and Fathers. But then she speaks and he can't see any similarities at all.

"Thank you. For bringing me there."

"You're welcome."

They walk farther towards home before he asks "When did you set that up?"

"We always ask what may need to be done when we bargain."

And that stops him in his tracks.

Andy walks on a little farther, before pausing and turning to look back at him. One of her feet is still turned forward - pointing towards their temporary home.

"I have stopped asking," Nicky observes, feeling numb with the disgust for himself.

For the first few months that Andy and Quynh traveled with them, he asked incessantly about how he could help. It seems that somewhere in the past few weeks, he stopped.

Andy hasnt said anything since he stopped, so he clears his throat. "I've stopped asking how I can be helpful."

With a shrug, Andy says, "I hadn't noticed." And that revelation alone feels like a slap to the face.

He wants to argue - wants to ask how she didn't see his uselessness, his selfishness. But her face is serene in the moonlight, and it occurs to him that nothing he can say right now will matter much to her in the long run. These are only thoughts, only words and observations. Andromache values what she sees - what he does.

He can't say anything now to change his lack of action over the past few weeks. And even if he could it would only assuage his own guilt.

With a sigh, he begins walking again, and as she walks alongside him once more, he swallows the bitter taste in his mouth.

#yall shojld prove Rae wrong and totally ignore this #im kidding: yall know i lose my mind when you like what I do. #but also no pressure #do whatever gets you closer to Being happy #its a week #happy fucking pride to you all my beautiful tog people #mine #(this will probably become a larger fic later. but for now it is this and i love and accept for it itself)

[odysseys-blood]

ASK GAME 1-10, TELL ME EVERYTHING FOR BOTH GABRIEL AND PLUM

girl that is so many i'll split this in half and do gabe's first and plum's another day

Gabriel

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

Gabe does modeling so she's on the move more often than she'd like to be so when she takes a lazy day she will do Absolutely Nothing. Judas (her youngest sibling) will come by on those days to hang out and also be her little helper for the day! Lazarus lives with Gabriel too but they're always out of the house do judas is the most reliable option. It's a coin toss on if she'll actually stay down for the full time she's off, and if she doesn't she'll take judas out somewhere for the rest of the day instead.

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

She's a very jovial person! I think she has one of those cutesy tinkly bell laughs. This is great for BD who would do anything to get a cute girl to laugh for him after may telling him to shut the fuck up every time he opens his mouth. even though BD probably deserves it.

3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Like i said she's always in and out of shoots so she probably conks out easy but Gabe's a sleepy time tea person imo. (i say imo like i didnt make her). maybe adding in a blood capsule if she's a little hungry too.

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

The city Gabe's in isn't the safest for humans or monster kin so she's open but not like. naive if that makes sense. She trusts you to act accordingly and in exchange she'll be on her best behavior! She is a nightmare (humanoid demon species thst feed on blood and "negative" feelings like fear or apprehension) however so meeting her is more likely to be your problem than hers.

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Refer to above idk why these r right next to each other. But to expand a little bit the only reason you would lose her trust is if you're a constsnt promise breaker. this is why she and may have been dating on/off because while gabe makes time in her schedule all the time for may, may often gets caught up with work often that she can't really leave which has led to many instances of gabe waiting up for her at meeting spots only to get a "im sorry" text 2 hours late.

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

she bites people i dont think she cares much

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

if she and judas do something like clothes shopping i think that would bring back a lot of memories for her! gabe began socially transitioning in early highschool (around judas' current age) and her mother, ezekiel, was with her every step of the way from making sure she was in an as comfortable as possible school environment, giving her a lot of support at home and ofc making sure gabe could wear whatever made her comfortable. at first gabe was wearing more subdued simple dresses like ezekiel does because she thought they looked amazing on her mother, but ezekiel pushed her bit by bit to look more at what she would want not just what she thinks would make ezekiel happy.

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child.

terrorizing local kids is in the repertoire for nightmare children but it doesn't look good at PTA meetings if everyone knows you because your baby was putting frogs and worms and stuff in other kids' backpacks. you can bet gabe had nice naps from a full tummy after recess every day though

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

honestly i dont think she'd swear often? not from like thinking swearing is bad or w/e it just doesnt fit her.

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

first time she invited mayhem home for dinner and that girl ghosted her the day of and replied hours after ezekiel had A Fit and gabe and lazarus spent hours trying to do damage control to make sure their mom didnt go and rip may a new one. was an embarassing day for gabe for many reasons and may was not allowed to try again and make up for it for a year bc its likely that ezekiel might have hurt her bad. don't play games with her babies like that

#cliff finally answers #commandersgrab #oc corner #yes i took a long time just bc i wanted to make a little gabe what r u gonna do abt it #long post

[wyrm-in-a-closet]

SPARKLE IS THE BEST FUCKING CHARACTER EVER AND YOU BETTER VOTE FOR HER IN THE @transfemswagbracket OC CONTEST!!!

And HERE is WHY!

(TW: spiders)

first: personality. sparkle is SILLY and STUPID. she does things like FIGHT PEOPLE and get herself INJURED. and she does those VERY OFTEN. she is also very traumatized and doesn't know it which just makes her weirder and more awkward. she is HORRIBLE at social interaction and would rather look at COOL BUGS in the forest. or maybe COOL ROCKS in the forest. or maybe COOL PLANTS in the forest. sparkle like looking at cool things in the forest more than she likes talking to you. thinking about it now maybe this girl also has a bit of autism in her. this happens to all my characters god dammit.

second: just look at her. sparkle is a thing known as a shifter- basically a magical person who can transform between a human form, an animal form, and a "half" form, which part human and part animal, as seen below (Shifters are created by my friend @magicsmischiefs.) Sparkle's particular animal is a SPARKLEMUFFIN SPIDER. aka. the best spider to ever exist.

I mean just LOOK at this FUCKING FELLOW. sparklemuffin spiders are a type of jumping spider, and can jump over 50 times their body length! this applies to sparkle as well, and since her half form is closer to human size, she can cover a lot more distance than a tiny spider. however, she's still super fucking short in half form, at 3'6". tiny bastard woman. in her human form she's taller though. just over 5 foot. barely. anyways here's what the bitch actually looks like, art also by @magicsmischiefs. look at the fucked up spider lady <3333

third: backstory. Sparkle is from Miami- no not that miami. which miami? the tiny ass one in oklahoma. there are like, 8 (okay there's like 12877 more people than that but you get the point) people there. instead of using THE INTERNET or ELECTRONICS sparkle instead spent all her time in the FOREST. because of this sparkle is literally the opposite of terminally online she has used THREE websites ever and those are GOOGLE WIKIPEDIA and COOLMATHGAMES. maybe others for school but who knows miami is a tiny ass town who knows if their school has that shit. her parents also never really gave any attention to her because they're shitty ass parents. that's why shes traumatized and doesnt know it. despite this sparkle STAYS SILLY. :3.

fourth: other random FUN FACTS: -sparkle taught herself how to use a SCYTHE as a weapon. nobody is quite sure where she got it or how she learned to use it but she has it and it is her BEST FRIEND. -Sparkle's parents honestly can't remember Sparkle's assigned gender at birth one day they were just like. did we always have a girl or is that a new thing. and then never brought it up again. this is canon and that's just how shit of parents they are. -sparkle plays ELECTRIC GUITAR. again nobody is sure where she got it and there's a decent chance it's stolen but she rocks out on it. also fun fact the species name for jumping spiders is latin for "rocking" because of the dances they do while mating, but that also means sparkle is ROCKING OUT all the time just be being alive. -sparkle does WRESTLING at her school and CAN and WILL beat eveyrone in her weight class up. i have no idea if her school would even be big enough to have wrestling but there's tulsa like an hour away she can wrestle there. it works. -sparkle would probably use NEOPRONOUNS except that she literally doesn't know what those are so she just uses she/her. that might change at some point (she may meet another of my characters who *is* a canonical tumblr user) but for now that's how it is. -she couldn't be fucked to think of a new name for herself so just took SPARKLE from her being a sparklemuffin spider. (this is definitely not because that's just what i named her and only later thought of a good explanation).

everyone can and should ask questions about her if you want

sorry this is so long but #SPARKLESWEEP

#Sparkle trp #transfemswagbracket #Transfemswagbracket oc tournament #Propaganda #Sparkleganda #Spiders #Tw spiders #SPARKLESWEEP

[saiesha1103]

GHOST

Theres a room where you used to be,

Everything seems blur as far as the eye can see.

That camera for when my memory doesnt last captured every moment 'cause time's just so damn fast.

This place used to be a home to me but now it feels so strange as if its nothing more than just bricks.

A bird when learns to fly,leaves its nest but what if the bird never makes it to a new nest?

I am physically present but when you look at me closely all youll see is a ghost of someone who used to be.

i find my hands covered in blood i never meant to spill,my memories tainted with pain i never meant to feel and the memories which once made me the happiest are the ones that i oh so desperately want to forget but who ever listens to the monster, the sinner?

The beauty of nuance is not one that everybody gets but what if the evil step sister wasnt so evil and cinderella wasnt so good either?

If i tell you my half of the truth will you believe it or dismiss it? Oh shes the goody two shoes one who can do no wrong and i barely manage to walk in a straight line constantly toppling about the line of right and wrong ,do's and dont's but what if along the way i lose myself?

Maybe forever was a word not meant for people but for memories because now i know that even you will leave if you havent already.

What if you're just a fraction of the world that i conjured up when i was drowning and the second i start to swim you disappear?

Or worse what if i choose to not swim ?

Skyscrapers look so beautiful from afar but its all ugly upclose so what if now that you've seen me up close you have forgotten the beauty in me?

A house is not a home but what exactly is a home?

After spending my entire life here ,the place which used to be like a second home to me now when i pass by those streets the air feels so cold ,it almost feels strange to look at.

I must have spent hours in that corridor and nights in that auditorium yet now i feel like a patient with alzheimers looking at her family pictures and having trouble believing that thats how she lived once

.I spent years in the place but still i am more attached to the place than the people there because i was simply a ghost passing by and ghosts have no roots no attachments they only wander around where their soul once used to be so maybe just maybe the time stopped for me there and i left my soul ,I am sorry that this is the side of me that you got to see because truly when i look into the mirror ,all i see is someone who used to be.

[pbandjesse]

I am exhausted but I am not in my own bed. I'm at Jess's! I didn't plan on staying but I brought a change of clothes just in case that happened. I'm glad to be in bed today was a long day with lots of car time.

I slept alright last night. But I woke up and hour before my alarm. I remember hugging James for a while before they left. And I was feeling alright by the time 8 rolled around. I would get up and liked my outfit well enough. I would feel a little self conscious all day. Which was frustrating but I would live.

After I got dressed I made lemonade and got a yogurt and said goodbye to Sweetp. And the. I was off.

Google took me a funny way through the city. But I was making great time and didn't hit any traffic at all. I listened to music and really enjoyed how pretty it was out. Even if it was to hot outside the car I was comfortable inside it.

I arrived at Jess's at 10. And it was so nice to see her. After hugs she showed me all the progress she's made unpacking and getting things organized. She has a few more pieces of furniture then she did last time. And the rugs are here. It's still a work in progress but she ordered the couches she wanted and they will be here by Thanksgiving.

I was a little tired. I felt like I was in my own head. But we had a plan. We were going to the beach!

We decided on sea isle city. Near ocean city, but we had never been before. It is about an hour and a half from here. So I was in the car a lot today.

Jess wanted to stop for a snack and get lunch once we got to the beach. So we went to Wawa first. But the funny thing about that was I knew this Wawa. Because we were in Woodstown.

Before I started writing this blog I dated a kind of terrible guy. He wasn't terrible at first but we experienced the death of a closed friend together and they started drinking and being unkind to me after that. And they haven't been nice to me over the years. But we had a oretty intense relationship. And I spent a lot of time in Woodstown. So seeing it per a decade later is wild. I didn't think I'd ever be back there.

We got our snacks though. I got a cream cheese pretzel and a bag of hot cheese puffs, she got a bag of jalapeno chips and a cheese stick. The perfect car snacks. Though we had trouble with the card reader and had to pay in cash. Not a huge deal but was confusing when my card got declined.

She got gas after that. New Jersey is the only state that pumps it for you still. Which Jess doesnt like but I literally refuse to pump my own gas so I would love it personally. But it didn't take long and we were on the road soon enough.

It was a nice drive. Mostly farm land. We were quiet a lot. I was hungry for real food and tired. I was getting a little head ache but I would be fine. It was just a long day.

When we arrived in sea isle city I looked up for and found a cafe we could go to. But parking was really tough. We shouldn't have been surprised because it's labor day weekend. We had to park about a half mile away in a neighborhood but at least it was free.

We would put some sunscreen on and make sure we had everything we wanted in our bags. Jess was nice enough to hold my backpack so I could cross body my camp chair. And then we walked the very hot and sunny 10 minutes to the cafe.

Once we got to the cafe I was pretty overheated. But it was fine. And the cafe was nice. She got an omelet and I got a sandwich and we shared the fries. Eating make me feel a lot better.

Jess asked to stop for iced coffee before we went to the beach. I would get a smoothie but it was mostly banana and I didn't love it. We did take advantage of the wait and went to change into our bathing suits in the coffee shops bathrooms because they were the nice room kind. And that was a really good move, rather then using the beaches restrooms which would have been wet and sandy and probably a little iky. This was better.

We would walk to the beach next though. Got out beach passes and then went and found a spot. The only thing I would have liked was to have an umbrella. I almost brought my small on but I didn't and I regret that. But the water was great. I wish I stayed in it more honestly. I loved it. But I didn't want to have so much sand in my bathing suit. So I only went in a little.

At first.

We went in for a bit and then walked around to see if there were any shells but almost none at all. Ah well. We went back to the chairs and I read for a while under my towel to try not to burn. I did get a little red but not so bad it seems. Jess listened to her audio book.

We would get a little silly and go back to the water. Where I went almost all the way in, just didn't get my hair wet, and was sitting in the surf and letting the waves knock me out and scream laughing and having the best time. Jess wouldn't go past her knees because it was cold but we were both laughing about the crabs we were finding and just being really silly.

We would sit back at our chairs for a while. I didn't want to get out of the water but I didn't want to torture Jess. We would hang out for another half hour but we were both sun tired and ready to get out of there.

I was super dehydrated and my mouth felt bad but the smoothie was warm now and I was out of water. So we cleaned up and went and found a water fountain before we walked back. I was kind of in a daze but we were being silly and talking and trying to remember where the car was. And I was sure but then Jess made me doubt myself so we went a different way and then had to go back to my original thought where we would find the car. Hooray.

We had a silly drive home. Jess said we could stop for ice cream the first place we saw. And the proceeded to miss the first three places. Oops. I wasn't fast enough telling her. So we would wait to have ice cream until we got back near her house. Which was painfully long to wait but that was okay. She let us listen to my music this time and I enjoyed that a lot. Plus we were just laughing and giggling and I was texting James a lot. It was a nice way to spend the afternoon.

We would stop for custard where we went last time. She got strawberry and I got vanilla in a pretzel cone. Which I thought I would really like, but I only liked the salt. The texture of biting the cone was awful. Very sad to say. I still enjoyed the custard but now I know for next time.

We got back to the house and rehydrated. We were both pretty sleepy. We got showers and rested for a bit. But eventually decided we should go back out and get taco bell.

So we did that. And brought it back to the house. It helped me feel a lot better but I was still really tired.

We spent some time coming up with what she's packing for camping next weekend. And got a lot of stuff out away in her room. We would wander around the house for a bit. Talking about plans. Then brushed out teeth and got ready for bed.

Which is where I am now. I am going to get my charger and a drink and try to fall asleep soon. I hope I can sleep easy tonight. I hope tomorrow is a good day. I love you all. Goodnight!

[anon-e-has-a-tmblr]

So, after some 6 years, I've returned to retail as a full time job. Albeit with huge differences from the last time and knowing full well it's temporary and there's a reason behind my madness (yknow, working 3 jobs whilst working on my first ever academic paper is, indeed, a madness).

And this entire thing made me realize the differences between me fresh out of military and me now, not so fresh out of university.

First off, my mental state and stability: coming out of service, I was but a shell. A hollow human being with no purpose and with 25kg weight gain in the months prior. Although now I'm only 5kg lighter than I was back then (long story that involves endless munchies after hours), I'm now a whole person with wishes, purpose and a whole plan for the forseeble future.

Another great difference is the work place itself: although both retails are grocery stores, the place where I work now is the village's grocery store where half of the workers are my friends and fellow villagers and the manager is my close childhood friend. He's an awesome guy and he's very supportive of me, even when he's a bit sad that I'm there only temporarely. Which is leading to another difference - time spent in retail.

Previously, when I first started working in retail, I saw it as my forever job. A minimum wage paying job that doesnt require any education aside from knowing how to read and write, and although I had good relations with most workers and superiors - eventually after about 1.5 years there I rage-quitted with the excuse of starting my BA (I quitted about 3 months earlier than planned, literally a day after I gave my supperiors the paper certifying my acceptance to the Hebrew University of Jerusalem). Now - not only I work for a bit higher than a minimum wage, I also know exactly when I'm gonna quit, everybody who it may concern also know it, and the main reason for me working there in the first place is me needing funds for a greater plan.

And this is where it all leads me - a plan. Fresh out of service, I had nothing. No plans, no ambitions, not even a will to live. And it had gotten only worse as I started losing weight due to hard labour. Now I have a clear plan, and so far thank god everything's goiing according to it. I still have ways to go, and the next step of my plan will finalize only once I pass driving test (very soon btw), and it's but a minor stepping stone towards the next mile stone in my plan which will be relevant come September. Plus, although I have no idea whether or not I lost any weight yet since I started working retail last month, I do feel great and I'm calm and collected even when my ankle decides to act up at random.

In sum: although I'm back to retail, there's a reason behind my madness. And although I promised myself to never return to low paying jobs especially when I got a degree, it's temporary since it's all a part of a plan.

And I really hope my plan follows through in uts entirety. But even if it doesnt for whatever reason - my madness will lead me into a secured job in the village regardless. After all, my friend still looks for full-time employees and currently we're 5 who fit that bill (including my friend and excluding the de-facto owner of the store [also - long story]).

#personal stuff #weight loss mention #some are iffy about it so heres the tag #long post #my jurney #kinda #not directly

[goof320]

random goof ramble omg,,,

i hope whatever the valve deckard is is its Good and the same price as psvr2?? but i also dont care about new vr,, i only want valve deckard or new valve vr headset or whatever because it means they'll come out with a new game at the same time

half life alyx was *so* good and i dont think there's been a vr game to come close to how good it was and still is 2ish years later. i think half life 3 coming out with their new, not super expensive (~$500 please valve) headset would probably bend over and spank the other 5 billion standalone vr headsets coming out. half life 3 should *not* be only vr, fucking Obviously, but if it didnt have native vr support id be pretty upset because holy shit the end scene of hl:a ***you were HOLDING the fucking crowbar*** i need that for a 10-15 hour long campaign

valve,,, if yoy use tumblr,,, please.,.,.,.. youd make so much money hl3 wouldn't even have to come with the headset it could be $70 and youd be PRINTING money for the rest of time PLEASEEEE

also, it'd be really cool for a new valve game that's not a tech demo,,, i dont think hl:a was a tech demo for vr, but it.. kind of was? a really really good tech demo, but they probably wouldn't have made a spinoff half-life game if not for New Cool Technology. im pretty sure all of the recent valve games have been glorified tech demos. which i like them!! they're fun!!!! i adore hl:a and aperature desk job. and their vr game with the minigames is cute. the aperature game with the hand robots is cute, too. im probably missing one but all of them have been cute fun lil games.

hl3 tho,, new full valve game not just for a specific new tech thing? wooh.,.,. works on their new (and old) vr thing, steam deck, and a normal pc? Wooh,,,,, money printer right there.

more deckard rant... i hope to got its not a standalone.

maybe a standalone that doesn't play games.. hear me out wait hold on

valve doesnt like splitting up steam im pretty sure. if it was standalone, itd run on the xr2, an ARM chip, whereas all of steamvr is x86 because fucking duh yeah its for computers. i don't think valve is gonna have that thing running proton and like.. box86 or whatever. itd be TERRIBLE!! and theres no way in fresh hell they're putting the steam deck chip in there, or any other x86 thing, because it'd SUCK!!!!!! but if it was like... xr2 without steam. you can stream from your desktop, play those games wirelessly (or with displayport pls valve) or just look at your monitor in vr and browse the internet Whatever. i do wonder if a valve standalone with ARM would run linux ARM or android... knowing valve i bet it'd be linux. something thatd be SO fucking cool is- ok hear me out again this is a long one

steamvr home is cool... it sucks right now because valve hasn't done anything with it forever, and it just tanks your computer the second it starts, and there's.. not much to do BUT WHAT IF there was... what if it was like.. steam home (corny idc) and-

hello. i just spent 10 minutes describing neosvr. i deleted all that because i realized, i want valve to buy neosvr and put it in steam. just, right in the client. the whole thing. share media with ur friends, have a home world u can do Whatever the Fuck you want with and custom avatars and whatever you Want. neosvr is in a weird spot and if valve just fucking swallowed them whole and rebranded it as a Steam Home thing id ascend into the 6th dimension. neosvr is so fucking cool.... it makes me very sad though because again its in a weird spot and im sure they'll figure it out but Eeeeee,,,

anyway as i was saying... neos but in steam .. u start ur Valve Deckard or whatever its called.. new shiny vr ... and you sign into your steam account and ur put into steamvr+neos. its some new home lobby, there's a desktop sitting somewhere that you can boot up and its just fucking. linux arm with kde. because that'd be insane. or u could set it up to stream your big beefy desktop (maybe a vr headset modeled sitting next to it u can physically put onto your head to turn on the streaming as long as ur pc is accessible on the network). but also you could go outside or maybe just open a menu and go into whatever public world and do social vr things and neosvr things. please. itd be so cool,,, all the deckard could run would be steam home 2.0 and game streaming but itd be So Cool.... kind of a tough sell to people without computers untill vr cloud streaming becomes viable but i think people with computers (already valve's main demographic lol) may consider it.

#half life #valve #vr #hl3 #hla #i havent actually beaten half life episode 1 and 2 #i just beat hl2 last night and i thought it was really cool #i will bootlick valve till the day i die #im not ashamed to admit it #they are my comfort corporation /j #neos #neosvr #ramble #awesome #words

[sojrner-fishsticcc]

oh m,y god. do you guys remember prey 2017??? holy fucking shit its one of my favorite games of all time n i just remembered it and like oh my god its so beautiful. i downloaded a digital version of its artbook and just spent like half an hour going through it. wtf. every part of that game had so much style and character to it. i absolutely want to try and take some inspiration from it. god. its so fucking pretty.

ive been looking more into making more scifi-y stuff and ive been wanting to try and stray from drawing characters n get good at drawing realistic spacecraft and like this would be perfect. this would rule. prey just does such a good job at still looking realistic so it doesnt trigger any of the “um ackshually” parts of my brain seeing historic space stuff but it still has so much flavor and color and fun in it. it does like more modern scifi and does an amazing job at still being bright and colorful but not the same generic white-plated scifi modern stuff has. its not rough and damaged, but also not overly pristine, it looks so alive! its so bright! i love it!

i absolutely need to take some inspiration from its artbook coloring and design-wise (i have absoluitely no idea how to draw cool n detailed looking tech stuff!) and ive been meaning to move from smaller sketches to larger n more detailed paintings cause i would love to be able to make more full stuff :) also i really want to make a 1970′s era protogen integrating older tech n stuff!!! i drew a protogen yesterday and i want to make them an oc now cause theyre so much fun to draw but i need to make them stand out!!! i have a whole idea and stuff, ill try and post sketches n stuff soon :3

#voidposting #furryart #scifi #prey 2017 #personal rant