#i stan sander's quarantine walks

[sweetbitterpdf]

omg can u do basorexia and make them YEARN

( writing challenge prompt list !! )

basorexia - the overwhelming desire to kiss

—or, what if eliott and lucas had to spend quarantine/social distancing apart?

—

it’s hard— so, so hard— but they make it work, as they always do. 

when lucas had told eliott, he was expecting him to get upset. not at him, of course, but at the situation. it’s not every day that you have to tell your boyfriend— who moved in with barely a couple months ago— that you’re leaving home to be with your mother during a global pandemic. but eliott had only nodded with a smile, kissing him on the forehead and pulling back only to say you’re a good person, lucas.

and now, a fair few weeks into it, they’ve adapted.

“Morning!” Eliott’s voice is as cheery as always, even over facetime.

“Hey.” Lucas says, grinning from ear to ear.

“Good morning, Eliott,” his mother sing-songs, coming up behind him to look at the screen.

“Hello, Sylvie!” Lucas had known that Eliott would effortlessly charm his mother from the moment that he introduced the two of them. Every time they interact only proves it. “Sleep well?” 

“Oh yes. As well as I could have.” She answers. “You?”

“Well enough, yeah. Though the bed feels a bit empty. There’s about five and a half feet too much space.” Sylvie rolls her eyes, a smile on her face. Lucas scoffs, indignant.

“Hey, I’m 5′8! and a half!”

His mother, taking that as her cue to vacate the room and let his son have his alone time, says, “I’m going to try and finish my book in my room.”

“Okay, Mama.” And then they’re alone. Eliott’s smile makes his cheeks warm, even with the shitty quality of his laptop webcam. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“How are you doing?” He watches as Eliott thinks for a moment. That’s something he’s picked up, about him. When Eliott is genuinely in the mood to talk about his feelings, he’ll think about the question. When he isn’t, or when something is wrong, he doesn’t hesitate in the slightest before replying with a strained fine.

“Oh, you know… Same old, same old. It’s hard, being alone, but stuff like this helps.” Eliott gestures at his screen, at Lucas, and they both smile a little bigger. “Talked with Mum and Dad yesterday. They’re gonna bring some food over.”

“Oh, that’s good.”

“You remember her muffins?” How could Lucas forget? He isn’t sure where Eliott gets his culinary recklessness from, because his mother is the most divine baker he has ever met.

“Jealous.” Lucas says with a laugh.

Eliott shrugs. “Maybe if you ask her nicely, she’ll send you the recipe.”

“Good idea! I’ll have to text her” Then they’re both quiet for a moment. The silence stretches on, before— “I miss you.”

It’s as if Eliott deflates, then. “I miss you too. So much.” On the other end of the video call, Eliott shakes his head, chuckling to himself. “I thought that I thought about you a lot before, but now…”

Lucas raises an eyebrow. “You think about me?”

“Every waking moment of every single day.” There’s no hesitation, when Eliott says it. Lucas can’t help but think of the several careful months they spent building up this kind of openness, this kind of easy intimacy. “And also when I’m asleep sometimes.” If this kind of conversation had happened, say, this time last year, Lucas would have ended the call immediately, would have had to go and curl up in a ball in his bed to stop his pounding heart, to slow his rushing breaths. Now though, all he does is cast a blushing smile down toward his lap for a moment, before meeting Eliott’s gaze again. “I never realized how much I took little things for granted. I want you so badly.”

“Oh, yeah?” The little huff that Eliott lets out, coupled with the tone of his voice, makes heat bloom across Lucas’ chest. He smirks at the screen, and Eliott shakes his head, a bit frantic.

“Well, yeah, of course.” He waves his hands around, as he does when he can’t quite find the right words. It’s very high up on the endless list of endearing things about Eliott Demaury that Lucas keeps in his head. “But also just… kissing you. Just being there beside you.”

It’s as if the words have been taken right out of Lucas’ thoughts. The need for Eliott has grown to an all-consuming degree, a want for Eliott, in every single way. He hasn’t ached for a touch, a kiss this much since before they had started dating, since the night they were interrupted by Manon back in, what, February? He would give anything— has contemplated telling his mother that he has to go and returning to Eliott once more just to quell the ache that’s settled deep in his bones, the one that feels as if it’s always been there.

“I know, I want that too.” So much, so much. The sad smile on Eliott’s face only intensifies that ache, as they sit there for another quiet moment.

“Maybe I’ll just have to come anyway,” Eliott says with a shrug. “Quarantine myself for a bit— what’s the period, two weeks?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“I’ll come, quarantine myself for two weeks, and then we won’t have to wait indefinitely. Just for fourteen days.”

“But what about the cats?”

“I’ll bring them too.”

“Eliott, you know my mother’s allergic.”

“Fuck. I completely forgot.”

#skam france #skamfr #elu #lucas x eliott #elu fic #amis anonymes; #asks; #heavy inspo from what wtfock's got going on rn #i stan sander's quarantine walks #(but not what went down today that was... admittedly a bit uncomfy!) #also i KNOW france is fully metric and so eliott would certainly use cm when talking abt lucas' height #but i think it flows better using imperial I'M SORRY I'M CANADIAN WE USE BOTH #also lucas' mom's name is never mentioned if memory serves correct?? fuck it her name is sylvie babey!! #mywriting; #at first i wanted to write friends to lovers or whatev but then established elu missing each other like hell jumped out

[darklingduke]

Inspired by @/capri-suns-and-gushers and this post about how sys-meds shouldn’t get to write the narrative about endogenic/parogenic/tulpamancy/spiritual/etc systems on this platform. 

We wanted to use this as our official coming-out-as-a-system (on this blog at least) post, as well as answering some things. 

If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask! Don’t send us syscourse or hate, please. (Long post, so it’s cut)

1. What kind of system are you?

We use several different terms to describe our system type, depending on how we’re feeling that day, who’s fronting, or who we’re talking to. We use endogenic, MaDD/paragenic, araisagenic, soul-bonding, and gateway.

Most of us are in here due to maladaptive daydreaming and escapism from the “core”, as well as projecting onto characters or having comfort characters. 

There are a few subsystems in here, though. One of our Remuses is a traumagenic OSDD system, Zak is a traumagenic DID system, Cadence has unknown origins, and Cleo is a paragenic system. 

2. How many of you are there?

Currently around 80 or so, counting subsystem member. But our numbers are constantly fluctuating when someone decides to leave or come back or walk-in. The highest amount we have ever had was around 120. 

3. How long have you known about your plurality?

Our “core” learned the first time about aer plurality in... I wanna say... 2018? Ae came out to someone as a system and it didn’t go well, so ae decided to forget all about it and procrastinated everything. We’ve been out as a system since December of 2019 now, though. 

4. Had you heard of DID/OSDD/DDNOS before you became plural/discovered your plurality?

Kind of? Someone at work approached us back in 2018 (see answer to 3) and whispered “hey. guess what. i’ve got multiple personality disorder. i’m not kyle.” then walked away. Star (”core”) went home that night and researched it and that’s how ae realized ae were plural. 

5. Do you have a wonderland/innerworld? If so, what do you call it, and what are some things that you and your system members do there?

We do, but it’s very difficult to see, due to the body’s aphantasia. Very few people are actually able to see it. It’s more along the lines of us “asking” the brain what it looks like and guessing things until the brain is like “yeah that’s right.” 

We call it our innerworld, or our headspace. 

A lot of people like hanging out in the living room (our “control room”, playing video games on one of the tv’s in here, or hanging out in the pond outside.

6. What do you call your system members?

Headmates. We’re not against the term “alters” but we don’t tend to use it too much. 

7. If you’re plural and don’t use the word “system” to describe you&, what word do you use?

We use the word “system” but we’ve been considering using different terms, just aren’t sure what terms there are to use lol.

8. What are some of the best things about being plural?

Probably getting to hang out with comfort characters. We are all aware that they aren’t their source, but they have many personality traits in common with their source, so it’s a source of comfort to get to hang out with and be friends with them. 

9. What are some not-so-great things about being plural?

The occasional blurriness we get when we realize we don’t know who we are/who’s fronting, and we have to try to figure out who we are. 

10. Do you have a spiritual or psychological view of your plurality?

We think it’s more of a spiritual view, because a lot of us, if not all of us, view it more as that person’s spirit coming to our headspace from a different dimension and hanging out here. 

11. Do you ever experience “switching” or “possession” or any sort of change in who controls the body? If so, what do you call it, how easy/difficult is it, and what is it like? Were you always able to do this, or did you have to learn how over time?

We do experience switching, but it feels different sometimes than others. Sometimes it feels as though whoever is fronting is more along the lines of Star (”core”) being in front and someone else backseat driving, or vice versa. 

We call it switching. It’s usually pretty easy. Sometimes we do it without even trying to or noticing. We’ll be sitting here playing a game or watching Tv and then all of a sudden realize we aren’t who was fronting before. Sometimes we have to focus on “handing over controls” in innerspace and there’s meatspace blurriness while that’s going on before it snaps into full control and the blurriness/dissociation goes away. it doesn’t normally take very long. A minute at most. 

We have been able to do it since actively being plural in 2019 (see answer 3)

12. How do you and your system mates relate to each other? (Are you friends, family, romantically involved, caretakers, etc)

All of the above. There are some people who were born in the system, and their family is in here. There are some people who are dating, who were related before coming here, who adopted each other in here as family, etc. It’s more of a whole world in here than anything. People have different relationships with each other. 

13. Have you come out to anybody in real life/in a singlet space about your plurality? How did it go?

We came out to our partner system’s dad (well they came out to him for us, but we gave them permission to do so), and he completely ignored the situation. And then we came out to the body’s mom, and she ignored us and told us she didn’t think we were safe with our partner system since they came out publically as a system. 

14. What kinds of forms and appearances do your system members take on?

We have some people in here who are human, we have some cat-people, demons, vampires, sirens, ghosts, and other monsters/creatures. We don’t all look like how people look like in this world, though. We don’t look how most people would say is “life like”. It’s more along the lines of video game animation or a more realistic version of pixar animation. 

15. What are you and your system members interested in?

Current interests are: Minecraft, Sanders Sides, Grey’s Anatomy, drawing, writing. Some people are interested in Don’t Starve Together. Some are interested in knitting and painting. Depends on the person. 

16. What is your life like in the meatworld?

Assuming meatworld is like... “real” world. Currently with quarantine, there’s not much to tell. We switch out every few hours if the body’s anxiety or depression gets too bad for us, we vibe with our partner system, and we pretend to be the core around the partner system’s dad (whom we live with).

17. What are your music tastes? Movies? Favorite Colors? Animals? List any other favorites as well. 

Ummm.... lol.... it really depends on the person. We have a playlist on spotify for each person. We don’t have much variety in favorite movies/shows, though. Most of us like animated movies or comedy or romcoms, or stereotypically straight movies (think Hallmark romance movie, or general romcoms, or raunchy comedy).

18. Does your system have a host/original? If so, what do you call them? Explain what role they play in your system. 

We have Star. Ae are the “original” person in here. We call aem the “core” when need be, but we usually just call aem Star lol. Ae are just another person in here, ae don’t really play too much of a “role”. Ae just decides what name the body goes by on default and ae have the final say on haircuts and tattoos/piercings and stuff. 

19. Do any system members have notable relationships outside of the system?

Yes! We have a partner system, @systemofthelostsouls . 

Star is dating Omen, Dee, Animosity, Logan, Regulus, and Story.  Virgil is dating Dee, Regulus, and Ceto. Remus is dating Omen, Dee, Logan, Emile and Story.  Roman is dating Emile and Logan.  Bee is dating Logan, Omen, Nyx, and Dee.  Charlie is dating Omen and Dee.  Denki is dating Jirou. Shinsou is dating Jirou. Kyle is dating Kay and has sort of a thing with Kenny and Stan.

And I’m decently sure there are more, but I can’t remember. I’m pretty new here, myself.

20. If you haven’t been plural for your entire life/haven’t known about your plurality until later in life: what was life like before plurality compared to life now. 

According to Star, life before plurality was a lot more... stable. Now if we want to finish a writing project, Star either has to backseat write, let someone else write for aem, or it takes weeks. We’ve been working on one chapter of a fanfiction for a week now. Before, Star was able to finish a chapter in a day or two. 

21. If you chose to become plural: why? What has changed since then?

We’re not actually sure if Star chose to become plural or not. Sometimes it feels like ae did (which fucks up with our imposter syndrome lmfao), sometimes it feels like Star chose to be plural and invited people here out of loneliness and wanting to fit in with our friend group at the time, but usually it just feels like people chose to come here, rather than the other way around. 

22. Is there anything you’d like to say to the plural community at large?

Don’t gatekeep, please. Let endogenic systems use the words “system” and “switching” if it’s what works for them. They aren’t hurting anyone. 

And please don’t fakeclaim. You don’t know what’s going on in someone’s head. You aren’t in there. 

23. Is there anything you’d like to say to any singlets reading this post?

Thank you for reading such a long thing. If any of this confuses you, or you’d like to learn more, our inbox is always open. But be warned, if you send us hate or something, we’re more likely to just delete your ask than answer it. 

Thank you all for reading! -Cyra

#cyra posts #coming out as a system #long post #star rambles