#i started atypical bc a friend recommended it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

flockofdoves · 2 years

Text

finally finally finally(!!!) got to go to have my first appointment with my new primary care doctor after her having such a long waiting list (even though it still was way shorter than other doctors ppl in a local lgbt fb group recced as being good with fat patients) and then having my first scheduled appointment last may canceled due to her having a family emergency

and god. started tearing up afterwards. ive never had such a good doctors appointment in my life.

she ordered the tests i asked about and gave me the sleep doctor referral i needed but then also went above and beyond and was thorough with ordering even more tests for stuff that occurred to her

it was so validating like i was trying to step around like ‘a friend with sleep apnea really encouraged me to look into getting a sleep study done and i already did one of those take home ones where you tape a little thing around your finger last year and it was negative but idk i thought maybe if possible i’d want to look into it still in case its something beyond obstructive sleep apnea’ and she was like yes of course! but then also asked ‘did the test you did at home come with any head gear?’ and when i was like ‘no just the finger thing the uhhh. blood oximetry light thing’ she was like ‘pshhh the only decent at home tests have head gear, thats nothing! and of course even then it doesnt look into a whole lot of other sleep issues’ which god. was sooooo affirming

and she was so upfront about the referral like ‘look. most sleep specialists around here are old cis white men who can be super intimidating and i’ve had issues with them misgendering my patients, if you tell me something like that happens i’ll always advocate for you, i’ve done it before, but just know that even if they dismiss you in the moment, while you shouldn’t have to go through that, you’re just there to get the results of those tests and i can help you advocate for what you need from there. not saying that to scare you off from doing it at all i’m writing the referral right now! but just i feel like to be responsible even if i know that type of doctor isn’t something new to most people, i still should give you that warning. i’d definitely recommend bringing a friend to your appointment with them if you can’

i know from people saying in the fb group that she is lgbt herself, but in addition to that the way she mentioned neurodivergence and me being autistic when referencing my medical history and also connecting it to other stuff i feel like she also has personal experience w that herself it was really cool

and god i still eased into it a bit despite literally going to her bc ppl said she practices HAES but the way she just seemed to totally Get all my stuff with my atypical restrictive eating disorder and experience with fatphobia in recovery and never mentioned my bmi and unprompted (when describing another medical concept with it as a relevant example) dismissed the idea of intentional weight loss diets as healthy for anyone

and both was really responsive to and appreciative of me just coming with a list of stuff i was thinking about and advocating for myself but then also suggested certain diagnoses as stuff to look into based on just like. normal listening to me without me even trying to feed information to passively hopefully get care which was so affirming bc it was all stuff i’d been curious about if could be the case for me but didn’t want to prioritize to look into above the main stuff i came with after not having a doctor for so long

also found out she also specializes in obgyn stuff so i dont even have to find another doctor for that!!

its slightly nervewracking that my follow up can’t be til december (also between that and her being pretty late to my appointment to help another patient, it makes me feel like. god. this system isn’t set up for good caring doctors to succeed. i hope she never gets burnt out or anything) fortunately i can at least do some of the blood work basically any time i’m free so thats cool

but god im just so grateful!!! holy shit!!! :)

#cpost

8 notes · View notes

darthnell · 8 months

Note

11, 19, 28, 30, 42

Hi anon ! Ty for the ask ! :D

11. Link your three favorite fics right now.

Oh god three of mine or three in general..??? Um. A..? I guess I’ll do both !!

Three of mine: True Vengeance, THE REPARATION CLAUSE, The Bridges We Burn

Three of others: The Illusion of Life, A Great Leap in the Dark, Mors Vincit Omnia

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

Oh I bet for sure it’s gonna be “graphic depictions of violence” LMAO. Aside from like. The thg fandom tags. Also “original characters” and “alternate universe”. The “canon-typical violence” tag is also my best friend and i love when I surpass that one. Canon atypical violence. I think ive used that one before but only once so it doesn’t count here, but it is funny. OH- the “careers have issues” tag. Also my best friend<3 really fucking excellent tag

28. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

Pshhhhh uhhhh…. I’m actually just coming off of an event where i wrote like 35k in the span of 5 weeks which is. Not typical ! This past week-ish I have written exactly Zero words (: …at like. Normal times, I probably can do a solid 1k or in that ballpark. I have been known to bang out like 3k in a day if I’m rly in the zone (i was Unwell last july LMFAO) but also I rly don’t typically write every day. Would like to! Need to build a new schedule though. Hard for me to write on the days when I work but I only work part time atm. I am also. Kind of a slow writer usually. I’ve only written as much as I have bc I write frequently ! ((Or I try to))

30. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

Good god I think I’d perish if I shared rough drafts. Like, on ao3… is that a thing..? So like. My shit isn’t perfect. There’s definitely typos I’ve missed and all that jazz, but I usually heavily edit my chapters before posting. The event I did recently was also like my first time having a beta which was neat but. This is rly silly, bear with me - so I had two separate docs for that, one I wrote the fic in and another that I shared w the betas, because the idea of someone having access to all my rough outlines and watching me on the doc as I write makes me Viscerally uncomfortable, I can’t rly explain it better than that. Anyways, the funny part is, said beta would point out a grammar mistake or typo, and I’d go “nice” and fix it, but forget to fix it on the other doc. So when I. When I posted the fic from the original doc… you can see where this is going maybe. Actual clown idiot moment LMFAO. Tl;dr - I attempt to polish. Doesn’t always turn out shiny jdjddjdk

42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

Ooh ! Last one I read was In The Clear by District11-Olive on FFN. So this one is technically thg but very au; it’s set in modern day Canada where a show called The Cut forced teenaged criminals to fight to the death in order to regain their freedom or get a “second chance”. It’s Really well written and also an excellent commentary on what it means to be a criminal and prison systems in general. This one’s actually the third and final installment of the series, wooh! It’s not complete yet; the story just reached the start of the death match part and its so 👁️👄👁️ It’s also a SYOC fic (Submit Your Own Character). Not open for submissions now, but u might see some of my characters if you check it out c:

Gotta also rec The Furthest Star by geologyisms on FFN since I’m in the middle of (re) reading it.. again 🥺 This is the fic I received from the exchange I took part in recently ! So the main pov char Solan Gardener (D9 tribute in the male slot but uses they/them) was created by me but the story was written by erik/geologyisms ! Ve did such a lovely job with my kiddo u should definitely check it out!! 10/10 new comfort fic fr ;—;

Ty again anon for the question, I had fun !!! <3

#nell clownery here #hunger games #hunger games fanfiction #fanfiction asks #anon ask #ask meme #fanfiction #fanfiction writer #hunger games fanfic #the hunger games

0 notes

southsidestory · 4 years

Note

you have bipolar disorder? how did you get to that conclusion? did you go to a doctor? i don’t want to self diagnose but i’ve read up on it a lot and it seems like my grandfather, father, and i have it. its made life super difficult. I even stopped writing ff bc when i posted, people wouldn’t understand how depressive episode make you not want to do anything for literal months at a time and would berate me for not updating 1/2

2/2 and my family is Mexican so they believe that mental illness is an American Thing, so i cant really go to them for help, and i wouldn’t even know where to begin with a doctor. what was your experience with it?

I did go to a psychiatrist, yes, but I had been experiencing symptoms since I was 12. I was 26 when I was finally correctly diagnosed. Before that I’d been misdiagnosed with MDD (major depressive disorder) and put on a cocktail of meds that mostly made me worse. Being correctly diagnosed is hugely important, and I highly recommend that someone see a psychiatrist rather than self diagnosing.

But. Not everyone has the privilege of easy access to a psychiatrist, and it sounds like you’re in that category. And I can say from personal experience that I knew I was bipolar before I was diagnosed, because it runs in my family and my symptoms were astoundingly obvious by that point. Since you asked, I’ll tell you about my experience.

As I said, I started experiencing bipolar symptoms when I was a kid. I also have PTSD and GAD, and my anxiety has been with me all my life, but my depression started when I was 12. A nurse practitioner put me on the antidepressant Lexapro, which made me worse--because antidepressants don’t work for bipolar people. Our brains aren’t wired for it. So I quit taking Lexapro and didn’t attempt to treat my mental illness with medicine for the next ten years.

I also started having hypomanic episodes as a young teenager, but I didn’t recognize them for what they were. I wouldn’t sleep for days and I’d be highly productive and feel great, so why would I complain about that or think it’s a problem? But the longer I went untreated the more severe my episodes became and the longer they lasted, and by the time I hit my 20s I was in a really bad place. Depressed 85% of the time, hypomanic 10% (although I didn’t know that’s what it was), and “normal” about 5%. My depressive episodes often lasted for months at a time, briefly broken by a week or two of hypomania, after which I’d plummet right back into depression.

I went to a psychiatric nurse practitioner when I was 22. He assumed I was depressed and put me on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. That mostly made me worse. The only thing that ever really worked was Abilify, which is an atypical antipsychotic shockingly used to treat bipolar disorder. That really should have been a fucking clue, but I went improperly diagnosed for another four years.

Being on a cocktail of the wrong meds made me worse, which led me to stop taking my meds cold turkey, which is always a bad idea. In April 2016 I had a horrible mixed episode, although I didn’t understand what it was then. For those who don’t know, a mixed episode is when someone is manic and depressed at the same time, and it’s pure hell. During my episode, I broke up with my partner right before our first wedding anniversary, quit my job, and almost committed suicide. (Then I moved back home and my mom promptly died, but that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms.)

Fortunately my partner and I got back together, and they helped me figure out what was going on. They’re also bipolar, but unlike me they were diagnosed as a kid, and our symptoms presented differently so that’s probably why neither of us saw it for a long time.

I finally saw a psychiatrist at the beginning of 2017, and I went in already knowing what I was going to hear. My mom had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder a couple of years before she died, so I knew it ran in my family. My symptoms had worsened significantly and my hypomania had finally become so distinct and unhealthy that it couldn’t be overlooked anymore.

None of my previous health care providers had ever asked me, “What do you feel like when you’re at your happiest?” If they had, it would have probably been obvious that I suffer from bipolar disorder, not unipolar depression. Because my “happiest” looks like extreme periods of creative productivity, days or weeks of insomnia, and some very bad decision making lol. Usually followed by a crash landing back into depression.

So I guess that’s my question for you. What do you feel like when you’re at your happiest? If your “up” periods sound like hypomania or mania, which I’m sure you’ve read about, then yeah there’s a good chance you’re bipolar. :/

And if you are bipolar, I cannot stress enough how important it is to get proper medication. I don’t want to scare you, but something like 20% of bipolar people die from committing suicide. And those are just the successful ones; the number who attempt, sometimes multiple times, is much higher. This is an extremely dangerous, disabling, potentially deadly illness. Although you can learn helpful coping strategies in therapy, and a good support system is also very important, the #1 thing you need to treat bipolar disorder is medication. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain that, for 99% of us, cannot be effectively managed without mood stabilizers and/or antipsychotics. Every bipolar person I know (my mom, my aunt, my partner, and one of my friends) didn’t get better until they were on meds, and it was the same for me.

All this to say, if you suspect you’re bipolar, I encourage you to do every single thing in your power to get to a psychiatrist. I’d like to say your family might come around, but if you say they believe mental illness is an “American Thing” then I believe you. In which case, you need to advocate for yourself now and worry about their opinions later. Assuming you’re an adult, which I’m *really* hoping you are. If you’re a minor, that makes this much harder.

When you say you’re Mexican, I don’t know if you mean you’re living in Mexico or living in the US. If Mexico, I can’t point you toward resources, but if you happen to live in the US, most major cities have FQHCs (federally qualified health centers), which are aimed at serving poor people, and many of which provide mental health care services.

If you do have access to a psychiatrist, I can give you some pointers on what to do before your first appointment. I went into mine with a list of symptoms and how long I’d been experiencing them, family history of mental illness, previous medication regimens, and a summary of my trauma. When I handed it over to my psychiatrist she was like “Well it’s quite clear that you’re bipolar. I’m sorry you’ve been misdiagnosed for so long.”

If you’re comfortable DMing me, please feel free. Regardless, I hate to hear that you’re struggling, but I do want you to know that things can get better. I honestly feel like I lost the years between age 12 and 26, because I spent them so miserable, but since getting properly medicated my life has turned around completely. I want to see that happen for you too, nonny.

#asks #bipolar disorder #mental illness #actually bipolar #Anonymous

11 notes · View notes

thirduncle · 5 years

Text

Put your music on shuffle and answer the questions about each artist.

tagged by @chrisbells thank you sm !!

Name of Artist: placebo

What genre are they ? alt rock

How long have they been active ? they formed in ‘94 but released their self titled in ‘96

Have you ever heard them on the radio ? yes ! i always get quite excited when i do

Have they released any new music within the last year or two ? no the last thing they did was a place for us to dream in 2016 i think

Do they have a male or female vocalist ? male

Name of Artist: brian eno

Would you recommend them ? yeah !

What is your favourite lyric of theirs ? um things like “some of them are old but it would help if you could smile, to earn a crooked sixpence you'll walk many crooked miles” or all of ‘on some faraway beach’

What are their album artworks like ? some of them are really quite funky and really interesting to look at, like (no pussyfooting), here come the warm jets, another green world !! and the close up of maps for the ambient ones

If they stopped making music, would you be sad ? wouldn’t be devastated but y’know it’s nice thinking abt him doing whatever funky little thing he’s doing with his music or art and it’d be a shame for him to not be doing anything i think.

If you didn’t know what they look like, based off their music, what you guess they looked like ? weird hairstyle, weird makeup, bright colours, expressive features, cheeky lookin... i think when he was younger he very much looked like the music he made and he’s gotten progressively more normal-looking but he still has insane amounts of chaotic energy

Name of Artist: kraftwerk

How popular are they ? quite ! popular

Have you ever seen them perform live ? i WISH lol i think my friends and i wanted to go back in abt 2015 but it’s too expensive man

How did you find out about them ? i used to take german lessons in school (i did Not pay attention at all) but my german teacher was rly sweet and she showed the class some german bands and my friends and i absolutely lost our shit over kraftwerk as soon as we saw them

What is their sexuality, if known ? they’re all robotfuckers

Is their music easy to dance to ? oh absolutely

Name of Artist: george harrison

What instrument is the most prominent in their music ? guitar, i think, george has a v recognisable n distinctive style of playing

Does your family listen to them ? no, nobody that i know of in my family listen to anything george has done past the beatles

Are they still making music today ? well no he hasn’t made music in a Minute but i think he’s got a reason for that

Would you want to meet them ? so !! many !! times !! i’ve thought about meeting him !! was i not being emo abt wanting to meet him just yesterday ? having tea with him in friar park and walking around his garden with him ? i want to so badly

How represented is this artist in your saved music / collection ? mostly i have all things must pass saved and a couple from his other albums

Name of Artist: the clash

When did you discover them ? i don’t remember, maybe 2015

How many albums do they have ? six

Which member of the band is closest to your ‘type’ / do you find the most attractive ? oh shit uh thats tough but i think i’ll go with joe

Have they gone through any line-up changes ? yeah, when topper left and then mick got booted out

Is their music more fun or serious ? it can be fun but obviously the politics in the music is serious

Name of Artist: bob dylan

Is the type of music / genre they play something you would typically enjoy or is their sound different for you ? no i don’t think anyone would be surprised w me if i said i loved dylan n i don’t think the type of music is smth particularly atypical of me

Based off of their sound, what would a human version of their music look like ? messy hair, crooked smile, shifty eyes always half-shut, looks a little unnerving but has a bit of a baby face

Could you see yourself getting along with the members personally ? uh i think i’d try and shake his hand but he’d kill me on the spot (in other words, i’d like to think so but who knows)

Did somebody recommend this band to you ? nah he’s kinda everywhere you can’t escape this bitch

Of all their songs, which would you play at a party ? i’d put on desolation row and make everyone sit down and talk about it

Name of Artist: the smiths

How many people are in this band/group ? four

When did they start making music ? like ‘82

Do they have any well known songs, if so, which one(s) ? yeah like heaven knows i’m miserable now, how soon is now

Do you listen to this artist regularly ? oof yeah

How would you describe their music ? the mood is like your friends have gone out without you so you think hey i can have fun on my own and you do for a half second but you end up sitting under a tree feeling miserable and sorry for yourself and your crush wont text you back

Name of Artist: queen

If they use a stage name, what is their real name(s) ? freddie’s name is farrokh bulsara

Do they regularly make pop charts ? oh yeah they did all the time n i’m pretty sure again w bo rhap

Have you ever met them ? no, i would do Anything to have met freddie and i think now i’d love to meet john deacon but i don’t want to bother him, he doesn’t want the attention

If they toured in your city, would you go see them ? ghhh tbh i wouldn’t go n see them w adam lambert bc firstly it’s far too expensive n second i don’t . want to see queen w/o freddie or john tbh. but that’s just me

Name of Artist: the cure

Are they known for anything else besides music ? the lewks

What is their nationality ? english

Are they a guilty pleasure ? no ! i love them n everyone knows it

Which age group is this artist most popular with ? i think a lot of people from all ages love em but idk maybe they’re most popular with the people who were around when they were most popular

Has this artist ever toured in your country/state/city ? yeah but i haven’t had the chance to see them yet

Name of Artist: t. rex

Do you think it’s necessary or important to know about their personal life to ‘understand’ their music ? i don’t think you Need to but i think with any artist it’s always nice to have context to their music and helps to give a bit more insight into what they’re making but it’s not a necessity i don’t think

Have they ever gone on hiatus and did they return ? no they never went on hiatus

What instruments do they use ? well aside from the usual instruments n lots of guitar they used like string instruments/piano/saxophone n stuff like that

What city are they from ? london

What are your experiences with fans of this artist ? i don’t know i haven’t really been around like . t rex ‘stans’ or like accounts solely dedicated to t rex or anything like that. everyone here that likes t rex are chill and v nice so that’s good

um ok i’m gonna tag @1nnuendo @kingink2 @horrorjew @bowiepop @spacegreengay (you don’t have to do it but jsjjhj hi)

#tagged

5 notes · View notes

elldusk · 6 years

Note

1-30 since I like annoying people but also want to distract you from today

Thank you so much, this will definitely distract me for a while 😂😂1. Describe your idea of a perfect date. Maybe like a funfair or something, get some candy floss, go on some rides and walk around hand in hand and take cute pics in the fair lights. I wanna go on a date to a funfair so bad lmao would be cute as 2. What's your type? done!3. Do you want kids? Yeah I do but I'm not ready anytime soon 4. If you dim will you adopt or use some other form of childbirth? Honestly no idea, I'm open to either but it's something that obvs would discuss w my future girl 5. Describe the cutest date you've ever been on? Umm can't pick I've got 2- one where we took some blankets, snacks, and guitars and took them over the park to watch the sunset and stars Another she picked me up n we played mini golf, went for a drink in McDonald's (I'm well easy to please lmao) then went to spontaneously get her nose pierced. I just liked how spontaneous it was 6. Describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? Or was it easy peasy?) er well I was nervous but you kinda figure it out as you go, it's honestly a lot less scary than everyone made it out to be you just gotta make sure each other's good and you figure out the rest 7. Are you a morning time gay or a night time gay? night time for sure 8. Opinion on nap dates? fucking love. 10/10 would recommend 9. Opinion on brown eyes? underrated and beautiful 10. Dog gay or cat gay? done! 11. Would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles? yeah ofc especially reptiles are cool as fuck 12. What's a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone? definitely someone who enjoys creating drama, cba with that just be nice to people and everything's better ya know 13. What is a misconception you had about lgbtq people before you realised you were one? um idk you know I don't remember it 14. What is a piece of advice you would give your younger self? you're gonna experiment, just be educated. And it's okay to make mistakes, don't feel like you've gotta do everything right 15. (N/A) 16. Who is an ex you regret? I don't regret any 17. Night club gay or café gay? both tbf I like both 18. Who is one person you would "go straight" for? Leonardo DiCaprio tbf but when he was younger 19. Video game gay, book gay, or movie gay? Movie gay although I get so distracted unless I'm watching the movie with someone 20. Favourite gay ship? Um atm Casey and Izzie from Atypical 21. Favourite gay YouTuber Karin and Skyler probably 22. Have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person? nope thankfully hahahaha 😅 23. Have you ever been in love? I thought I was at one point but idk, I don't think I have but I'd like to 24. Have you ever been heartbroken? yes 25. How do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone? idk it's all in the heart I guess. It's a tough one and I'm ngl I've definitely been confused by this one in the past. Still not the easiest to answer 26. Favourite lgbtq musician/band? done! 27. What is a piece of advice you have for young/baby gays? you don't have to come out, people will be more open minded when you're older (in my experience, but depending on location) kids are just mean and afraid to be associated with anyone different. Also, a lot of homophobic kids are the ones in the closet themselves 🤷🏼‍♀️ 28. Are you out? If so how did you come out? yeah I'm out. I came out to my close friends and family in person (besides my brother who I came out to through ask.fm lmfao I'm cringing), and I came out to everyone else from school on twitter. Although there was defs a rumour about my sexuality going round at one point in high school so I think a few people kinda guessed a little what is the most uncomfortable/strange coming out experience you have? my parents had told me they'd already told her I'm gay. So my grandma asked what I was doing and I was like 'I'm just with my girlfriend' and there was just this fucking silence for like AGES it was so awkward bc either my parents hadn't told her at all or she'd forgotten. Either way we've not talked about it to this day properly so idk if she knows 30. What is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality? I'd definitely say use the internet if you can, its such a great resource to meet other lgbtq people

1 note · View note

dancyplantalones · 7 years

Photo

Therapeutic gardening for neuro atypicals - Slow

Bonsai / “dirt rocks”

So I am feeling stressed / unfocused today. I decided to work a bit on this project. Also working on this long post is hell I should have waited for another day for this part 😶

Picture 1 shows my favorite 1 gal bucket and my redbud tree.

Picture 2 shows my 1 and 2 gal buckets (I leveled up physically w the rotator cuff / fibro since last year, yay!… I will make another post about that later tho) and .5" mesh and marble chips.

Bonsai is super slow and a balance of fussy and just letting the tree do tree things so i’m working with it mostly bc I have a low patience threshold… And I like trees.

This redbud is technically a “potensai” bc I haven’t trained it much yet. It’s about a year old. A seed pod from one of the neighbors blew into my yard 2 yrs back and I managed to germinate 1 of the 5 seeds. If you want to start a tree from seed you can order them online or look for something easy to just find depending on where you’re at. Here, maple seeds are all over without even looking. Check if you need to cold stratify (put in the fridge to simulate cold season) or scarify (nick or otherwise break through outer “shell” of the seed) or just try germinating the seeds in an apple you’re finished eating (I have an apple bonsai from doing that, but it’s fussy in my area bc pests and fungus issues).

Or you can dig up a seedling of whatever - maples are so numerus here I’m always “weeding” them out of the garden anyway for instance - just make sure it’s ok to do that whatever property it’s on (DON’T dig up anything from a national or even county park or conservation area and consider private property you could be kidnapping somebody’s special friend… I’m all about “finding” seed or even cuttings if you know what you’re doing but don’t get arrested for trespassing or vandalism bc there’s plenty of plant friends that require neither risk.) Also, I killed several tree babies when I started bonsai stuff last year, and SLOW process - like think tree lifetime - so playing around with rare / expensive trees is not what I want to do here.

anyway, “dirt rocks”. A lot of folks like to say “soil” bc it apparently sounds more dignified but yeah.

Bonsai dirt needs to be 1:2 or even 1:1 parts “inert grit” (no smaller than 1/8", no larger than 3/8" particles) depending on what source you consult… This is part of where I killed things bc I’m still experimenting with my dirt recipe. And this is the main point of long run on post…

The traditional fired clay portion and even other recommended substitutes are too expensive and or not available locally so I am using marble chips that I am needing to mulch a garden bed with. It’s like $3.50 or something for a half cubic foot bag of it. My bed won’t be mulched completely for a while, I just do a bit at a time as I can afford or manage with the fibro. I also use construction grade sand and pea gravel in this experiment

as I mentioned before I can be rather unfocused, impatient and also have tactile stim issues this dirt making takes care of those things I can do this for hours of enjoyment. I found this piece of ½" mesh and tin-snipped it to sit over my buckets easily and I found a 1/8" sifter / mesh tray thing at a local dollar store. Again, you can buy screens/sifters especially for bonsai but I’m relatively poor and as long as the mesh is the right size… I also use these sizes of grit for regular potting soil making so whatever… This is so relaxing / focusing for me to just sift through some rocks when I feel like it. Then when I want to make dirt for my plant friends, I got grit.

Sometimes I’ll just do a handful or so, sometimes a bucket full - whatever. I add water to bucket one where pre sifted rocks go and change it a couple of times as I take rocks out bc there’s a lot of marble/rock dust I don’t want in my dirt. This marble will affect pH by making my soil more alkaline anyway so I want to rinse well i think. Anyway, it’s playing around with rocks in water and then just rolling them around on the mesh a bit - so good tactile stim. I also like the plunk-plunk audio tbh.

This will leave your hands dry afterwards but thats excuse for me to use lotion I guess… For some things like soggy peat (a different dirt post) I really hate the pruny fingers feeling so I find using nitrile disposable gloves allows for enough tactile w/o resulting in that as much. Again, as with all of these posts, ymmv. I just want to share what works for me in case it can help anyone else.

#garden #therapeutic gardening #bonsai #dirt rocks #plants

3 notes · View notes

fesahaawit · 6 years

Text

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally

Good morning, friends! I read three posts this week that I want to share with you. The first was written by author Matt Haig back in 2015, but I only found it recently and it is still so timely. A note that it talks about depression and suicide, but there’s one quote in particular that resonated with me: “Christmas is one of those times when the idea of something doesn’t match the reality.” It is absolutely worth reading all the way through to the end.

The second post is from my friend Bianca who wrote quite honestly about why it’s time we removed the pressure around Christmas. If you’re seeing a bit of a trend here, it’s true that I’m still not in my usual Christmas spirit. I can echo what Bianca wrote: I love the lights! And the food! And I plan to take some days off! So I feel generally ok about the holiday season. It just doesn’t feel very “special,” and I’m starting to realize that is also ok.

In an attempt to remove some of the pressure around it here on this blog, there is just one thing I want to say before I log off for a few days: thank you. Thank you for being so caring and supportive this year—and not just to me but also to each other. We’ve talked about some heavy stuff here this year, and I am so grateful that this space is one that continues to remain open and safe. Thank you for being part of it.

The last post I want to share was written by Daisy for No Sidebar. In it, she shared 10 questions we could answer to end the year intentionally. This isn’t about goal-setting or trying to come up with resolutions or anything else future-thinking. It’s just a simple exercise that can help you reflect on the past year. For everything that’s happened, that felt right for me, so I answered the questions and am sharing them here.

I’m signing off for a week! In that time, I plan to complete a 1,000-piece puzzle, start and finish a new book, and spend two nights in a house on the ocean with some of my family. There’s no cell service and definitely no internet. If I could wish anything for you right now, it would be to unplug for a day—and just be. xo

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

Admittedly, I feel like I am always going to remember 2017 as the year we lost the girls. But I’m also going to remember it as the year I moved to Squamish and finally let myself settle in. Slowing down and letting myself really “be” somewhere came with its own challenges—namely that I could no longer manage my anxiety by hopping around from place-to-place, and instead had to make the decision to deal with it and do some therapy. But it also came with so many bonuses. On top of the beautiful landscapes, I found a community of creative, honest, and vulnerable women I feel so fortunate to now call my friends.

2. What did you enjoy doing this year?

Oddly, I really enjoyed not travelling much. It felt good to get to know my new home, create some routine and learn a few trails like the back of my hand. I also made time to read more books this year, which felt good too. :)

3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?

A few people come to mind right away, but I’m going to say that I’m grateful I had the money and resources available to start therapy. For the first two months, I was going weekly which was costing $520-$650 monthly. That was obviously not a regular line item in my budget, and isn’t something I would currently be able to afford to do for an extended period of time. But having my emergency fund made me feel comfortable enough to make that decision back in April and I am so grateful for it. I never would’ve imagined that having savings would’ve been so important for my mental health, and there is no doubt that therapy has changed my life.

4. What’s your biggest win this year?

Aside from the personal growth, it would be remiss of me to not mention the fact that I wrote my first book this year! A real book! One that will be in stores in just a few weeks! (And that you still have three weeks to get the bonuses if you pre-order a copy!) There were so many lessons to take away from writing this book, but one of the most important was that it is possible to complete a big creative project. On the day I submitted the first (crappy) draft, I had this overwhelming sense of I CAN DO ANY CREATIVE PROJECT I WANT TO wash over me. I can’t imagine any writing project feeling bigger or being more all-consuming than a book. Now, I’ve written one. So, I can do anything . . . right? ;)

5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

What an amazing question. I’ll start by saying that, without question, my new favourite author is Matt Haig. The most meaningful book I read this year was Reasons to Stay Alive, which came recommended by many of you when I first shared how bad my anxiety had gotten. So thank YOU for telling me about that book, my friends. More recently, I got my hands on a copy of How to Stop Time, which doesn’t even come out in North America until February 6, 2018! It was one of the most enjoyable works of fiction I’ve read in a long time—and Benedict Cumberbatch is going to play the main character in the movie adaptation! How exciting for the author. :)

Aside from books, I have listened to every episode of a handful of podcasts: Hurry Slowly, Secrets of Wealthy Women, The Slow Home Podcast (I did an interview with Brooke earlier this month that was so lovely!), Super Soul Conversations and Terrible, Thanks for Asking. That last one cracked me wide open, but I needed it.

As far as what I’ve watched that’s had an impact . . . nothing comes to mind. I enjoyed a few shows: 13 Reasons Why, Atypical, The Crown and The Great British Bake Off. But I can’t say that anything had an impact. This is something I’ve thought about a lot lately. Let’s talk about it in the new year. For now, books and podcasts win!

6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

Honestly, I worried about how moving away from Victoria would affect the dogs—and two months later, we lost them both. So, I wish I could say that my worries weren’t warranted, and set an example for how/why it’s important to calm our anxious thoughts. But truthfully, March, April and May were really tough months for me.

7. What was your biggest regret and why?

I don’t regret moving, obviously, but I still feel guilty about leaving the girls. I know that’s something I had no control over. It’s just how I feel; like my leaving somehow prompted the beginning of the end for them. This is something I’m obviously still working through (and might help you understand why I’m still emotional about it).

8. What’s one thing that you changed about yourself?

One of the things that became apparent very early on in therapy was that I had zero boundaries in my life. I basically did anything and everything that would make other people’s lives easier, and put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own. This was true in all of my relationships and it wasn’t healthy. In fact, it was one of the reasons my anxiety got so out of control. Thankfully, I’ve been learning how to set healthier boundaries in all areas of my life. It’s not always easy and I sometimes still let guilt takeover (this article on The Pool is another good read on that topic). But I have set some boundaries, and chosen to put myself first in some ways, and it does feel better.

9. What surprised you the most this year?

Most of this post has felt heavy, so I’m going to share a few fun/random things!

I was surprised to find myself driving across the US, from Minneapolis to BC, for the second time in a year! (And I never thought I would drive through South Dakota again, let alone twice in one year!)

I was surprised to randomly meet up with Sarah and spend two days together in Idaho and Wyoming. That’s some travelling big magic, right there. :)

I was surprised to meet my two closest friends in Squamish on Instagram—and learn that one lives right behind me, and that I can see the other’s house through the trees between our two homes!

I was really surprised to find Cheryl Strayed followed me on both Twitter and Instagram! I still don’t know how or why . . . but yea, consider me still surprised! (Let’s not jinx it.)

And I was happily surprised to find myself picking up and reading more fiction this year. It felt really good to fall in love with characters and get lost in a story.

10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?

If I had known what was going to happen in 2017, at the start of the year, I wouldn’t have believed it—and I wouldn’t have wanted to believe it. I don’t have a suggestion, per se, but more of a reminder: You will never regret telling people/pets how you feel, showing them affection and making sure they feel your love. When they are gone, the only thing you’ll wish is that you’d had more time together. So I would say . . . don’t rush off. Spend your time with those who matter most. Because there’s never enough of it.

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

0 notes

fesahaawit · 6 years

Text

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

2. What did you enjoy doing this year?

3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?

4. What’s your biggest win this year?

5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

7. What was your biggest regret and why?

8. What’s one thing that you changed about yourself?

9. What surprised you the most this year?

Most of this post has felt heavy, so I’m going to share a few fun/random things!

I was surprised to randomly meet up with Sarah and spend two days together in Idaho and Wyoming. That’s some travelling big magic, right there. :)

I was surprised to meet my two closest friends in Squamish on Instagram—and learn that one lives right behind me, and that I can see the other’s house through the trees between our two homes!

I was really surprised to find Cheryl Strayed followed me on both Twitter and Instagram! I still don’t know how or why . . . but yea, consider me still surprised! (Let’s not jinx it.)

And I was happily surprised to find myself picking up and reading more fiction this year. It felt really good to fall in love with characters and get lost in a story.

10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

0 notes

fesahaawit · 6 years

Text

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

2. What did you enjoy doing this year?

3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?

4. What’s your biggest win this year?

5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

7. What was your biggest regret and why?

8. What’s one thing that you changed about yourself?

9. What surprised you the most this year?

Most of this post has felt heavy, so I’m going to share a few fun/random things!

I was surprised to randomly meet up with Sarah and spend two days together in Idaho and Wyoming. That’s some travelling big magic, right there. :)

I was surprised to meet my two closest friends in Squamish on Instagram—and learn that one lives right behind me, and that I can see the other’s house through the trees between our two homes!

I was really surprised to find Cheryl Strayed followed me on both Twitter and Instagram! I still don’t know how or why . . . but yea, consider me still surprised! (Let’s not jinx it.)

And I was happily surprised to find myself picking up and reading more fiction this year. It felt really good to fall in love with characters and get lost in a story.

10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

0 notes

fesahaawit · 6 years

Text

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

2. What did you enjoy doing this year?

3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?

4. What’s your biggest win this year?

5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

7. What was your biggest regret and why?

8. What’s one thing that you changed about yourself?

9. What surprised you the most this year?

Most of this post has felt heavy, so I’m going to share a few fun/random things!

I was surprised to randomly meet up with Sarah and spend two days together in Idaho and Wyoming. That’s some travelling big magic, right there. :)

I was surprised to meet my two closest friends in Squamish on Instagram—and learn that one lives right behind me, and that I can see the other’s house through the trees between our two homes!

I was really surprised to find Cheryl Strayed followed me on both Twitter and Instagram! I still don’t know how or why . . . but yea, consider me still surprised! (Let’s not jinx it.)

And I was happily surprised to find myself picking up and reading more fiction this year. It felt really good to fall in love with characters and get lost in a story.

10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

0 notes

fesahaawit · 6 years

Text

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

2. What did you enjoy doing this year?

3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?

4. What’s your biggest win this year?

5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

7. What was your biggest regret and why?

8. What’s one thing that you changed about yourself?

9. What surprised you the most this year?

Most of this post has felt heavy, so I’m going to share a few fun/random things!

I was surprised to randomly meet up with Sarah and spend two days together in Idaho and Wyoming. That’s some travelling big magic, right there. :)

I was surprised to meet my two closest friends in Squamish on Instagram—and learn that one lives right behind me, and that I can see the other’s house through the trees between our two homes!

I was really surprised to find Cheryl Strayed followed me on both Twitter and Instagram! I still don’t know how or why . . . but yea, consider me still surprised! (Let’s not jinx it.)

And I was happily surprised to find myself picking up and reading more fiction this year. It felt really good to fall in love with characters and get lost in a story.

10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

0 notes

fesahaawit · 6 years

Text

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

2. What did you enjoy doing this year?

3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?

4. What’s your biggest win this year?

5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

7. What was your biggest regret and why?

8. What’s one thing that you changed about yourself?

9. What surprised you the most this year?

Most of this post has felt heavy, so I’m going to share a few fun/random things!

I was surprised to randomly meet up with Sarah and spend two days together in Idaho. That’s some travelling big magic, right there. :)

I was surprised to meet my two closest friends in Squamish on Instagram—and learn that one lives right behind me, and that I can see the other’s house through the trees between our two homes!

I was really surprised to find Cheryl Strayed followed me on both Twitter and Instagram! I still don’t know how or why . . . but yea, consider me still surprised! (Let’s not jinx it.)

And I was happily surprised to find myself picking up and reading more fiction this year. It felt really good to fall in love with characters and get lost in a story.

10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

0 notes