#i started school recently and im trying not to be sad 24/7

[foolishgroovy]

Watch Infinity Train I PROMISE you don’t end up traumatised

#lmao these days im drawing too little #i started school recently and im trying not to be sad 24/7 #infinity train #infinity train fanart #tulip #one one #atticus #emilia #lake #jesse

[thebeautyoffanfics]

Hey there Savi.. could i request a kou,mitsuba and tsukasa x reader where their s/o gets bullied alot?? I've been struggling with it recently and now that school is going to start again im dreading it .. thank you in advance <3

kou minamoto x gn!reader, mitsuba sousuke x gn!reader, tsukasa yugi x gn!reader

a/n: of course!! I’m really sorry that you’ve had experiences like that, but I also genuinely hope that this year will be better! You’ve got this-!! And don’t be afraid to ask for help <3 you’re so so welcome, tho I’m sure schools probably started by now, therefore I’m super sorry for the time this took- and thank you so much for requesting <3

Waaaaaah i’m also sorry if it’s OOC, cos I know Tsukasa’s at least is;;; writer’s block is aaaaaaah-;; I’ve genuinely been writing this since September 19th,,,,

warnings: bullying

word count: 2,044

kou minamoto <3

You glanced at your phone screen, the date flashing up at you. It was depressing. Thoughts of previous years danced in your head, as you shut your phone back off. You currently stood outside of your school, “open house” finally over. School was starting back in just a few days. Your days of freedom could be counted on one hand… this was, by far, one of your least favorite times of the year.

“(Y/N)! Do you still want to walk to the park?” Kou questioned, running up beside you. You nodded, hoping that spending time with your boyfriend would get your mind off of school, and memories related to such. As the two of you began to walk, you could practically feel the question on the tip of Kou’s tongue. He always made himself rather obvious- his hands fidgeted a bit, his gaze lowering to the ground.

“Say, (Y/N)... you seem sad. Is it because school’s starting back?”

You thought for a moment, unsure of how to put it. He certainly wasn’t wrong…

“Yeah, that’s basically it… last year was just… not a good year, haha.”

“Oh? Well, I’m sure this one will be better!! If you want, we can make a list or something? All the bad things about last year can be something we change this year-!”

Despite bitterly knowing that it wasn’t exactly something within your realm of control, you laughed a bit. “That’s… insanely corny, Kou. I didn’t say a terrible idea- just… corny.”

When you glanced up at him, you noticed his red face, as he blurted out an excuse. A moment of fumbling over his words passed, before he gave up, glancing off to the side once more.

“Wh-whatever- I mean, just… like, tell me what’s wrong, if you want to. And I’ll try to help. Alright?”

“It’s really not something either of us can help, Kou.”

“So? I’m your boyfriend,” He seemed a bit embarrassed to say, most likely not used to pulling that sort of card, “If you don’t want to tell me, I can’t make you. But, if you’re alright with telling me, I want to know. Either way, I’m here for you...”

“Ah… I know it, Kou. Honestly, I just… dealt with some bullying last year, so I’m really not looking forward to this year. No matter how much I hear ‘oh, the bully does it to feel better about themself’, it’s just emotionally… hm, awful, you know?”

“Oh… I understand, (Y/N). I do remember some people picking on me, since I have a big brother like Teru- it’s not fun at all. Here!! I’ll stay with you, 24/7! Sit with me during classes, and I’ll hang out with you during free time!” “Thanks, Kou- but we probably won’t have every class together.”

“Then- just tell me if something happens during the class,” He spoke, crossing his arms rather seriously. “I’ll talk with the teacher! Easy peasy!!”

A moment passed, before Kou took your hand, looking at the ground, then back up with you. His eyebrows were furrowed just slightly, his eyes not as wide as they usually were. Kou was being serious- as serious as his sweet mind could let him be. He almost seemed to resemble his big brother even more- when the two were serious.

“If something happens, tell me, okay? I mean it. I don’t want this year to be bad for you- as your friend and boyfriend! Let me do what I can to help, alright?”

You blinked a bit. Kou’s words were so sincere, you felt your heart beat a bit quicker. “A-alright. Thank you, Kou. I really mean it.” You spoke, bringing the boy into a hug to hide whatever sort of expression you were making.

“Of course! You don’t need to thank me, (Y/N). I’m happy to try and help-!”

mitsuba sousuke <3

“(Y/N), if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I’ll give you something to complain about.”

Ah, Mitsuba… he spoke, his arms crossed as he sat next to you, silently noticing your slightly disheveled clothes. Judging by the slightly down look you wore, too many things were now adding up. Something was bothering you, and he was bound and determined to find out what it was.

“Mitsuba, it’s okay, really. Here! Let’s eat, I’m starving!” You opened up your bento box, sliding one his way, and sticking the chopsticks into your mouth. Though you hummed happily, Mitsuba was… in Detective Mode, to put it lightheartedly. Your every move was being analyzed, as he tried his best to figure out what was wrong. Your eyebrows furrowed, as you swallowed a bit harder than usual.

“What’s the point of lying to me, dummy? If you aren’t hungry, it’s probably because whatever is bothering you is ruining your appetite. Talk to me. I’m serious.”

You sighed, feeling as if the food was stuck in your throat. Or maybe your throat simply felt as though it had a lump in it…? Either way, you were painfully aware of the unpleasant feeling. Along with the creeping suspicion that Mitsuba wasn’t going to leave this alone. Was he good at reading people?? Were you just easy to read…? Or maybe, he was just far too accustomed to the way you reacted to things. Able to focus in on the little things, especially when he wanted to. Perhaps it was the talent of a photographer? Being able to read the entire picture??

Perhaps you were thinking too much into it, desperate for a way to get your mind off of the things going on around you.

“I’m just… dealing with some stuff.”

“Well, duh. What kind of stuff?”

You kept your gaze glued to the floor, fiddling absentmindedly with the chopsticks. You knew you could confide in Mitsuba… yet, something about it felt practically impossible. What would happen if you told him? Could he do anything? He was merely a ghost…

“Oi, I asked a question. Listen, and listen well, you idiot- I know I can’t solve all your problems, but I can at least listen- which is what you’d better be doing right now. You listen to me, though who wouldn’t want to is beyond me, so I can at least do the same. I’m not your therapist, but I am your boyfriend.”

Those words danced around in your mind for a bit, as you considered how to put it. For a moment, you simply nodded, letting Mitsuba know you heard- and were acknowledging- what he said. A few more moments passed before you began to speak.

“Lately, there have been some students… picking on me, I guess. It’s… discouraging, and makes school feel like a living nightmare. You’re the only good thing in my day at this hellhole.”

“Oh.”

You tightened your grip on the chopsticks, trying to read Mitsuba’s tone. Suddenly, it clicked- remembering Mitsuba mentioning being bullied for being “feminine” and “foul-mouthed”. He truly, genuinely, understood where you were coming from.

“I see, then… I’ll tell you what to do, (Y/N). Tell an adult, lame-o. I don’t give a flying flip about ‘oh, they won’t believe me’ or ‘what if the bullies blah blah.’ At least try it- it’s hard, but I don’t care about that either. Also, freaking ignore them. Obviously, you don’t want to pay them attention, so don’t.”

“Mitsuba, it’s not that easy-”

“I know. (Y/N), I’ve been in your shoes. Maybe it’s different- I dunno what kind of bullying they’re doing. Still, if you’re good enough for my standards, you know you’re at least worth something. So don’t let those low-lives get you down. I promise you, if I could, I’d give them a piece of my mind. But, since I can’t, just… do it yourself, or something. Don’t endure it, you rat.”

(“Mitsuba, all your insults lowkey feel like bullying-”

“Shut up, stupid-face, you can’t tell a teacher on a ghost. What’re you gonna say?? Waaaah, sensei, school mystery number 3 is calling me names!! Hah.”

“Tsuchigomori-sensei can see you, you know. And he teaches both Minamoto boys!”

“Lalalaaaa, I can’t hear you-”)

tsukasa yugi <3

Tsukasa… knows.

There was no other way to put it. You knew he knew, and you knew he was just waiting. A part of him wanted you to ask him for help- to confide in him, even if it took some pushing. He was… a bit different in that sense- I mean, how was he to know you didn’t enjoy being bullied? Was it the same way he felt when Amane looked at him with such hatred?

“(Y/N)!! What’s with such a sad look?? Did you get a bad test grade?” Tsukasa questioned, floating alongside you as you entered the broadcasting room. You simply shook your head, placing your bookbag on the floor, then standing back up.

“It’s just been a day, Tsu,” You added, taking a seat near Sakura. As you did, she pushed a cup of tea your way, her gaze as it usually was. She looked right through you, as if you were nothing but a ghost. Still, it was a much better look than the ones given by the bullies. Muttering a ‘thank you’, you lifted the cup, fiddling with it slightly.

“If there’s something bothering you, feel free to share it,” Sakura spoke, her gaze staying on you, then finally closing as she sipped from her cup.

“If there’s something bothering you, share it.” Tsukasa added, placing his head on your shoulder and staring at your eyes. His gaze drifted to your hands when you brought the cup to your lips, then over to your throat as you struggled to swallow.

“Runt, if you don’t back away from them, you’ll the the one bothering them,” Natsuhiko spoke, raising his eyebrows at Tsukasa, then offering you a slightly concerned look. His expression was enough for you to know he wanted to know if you were alright- to which you shrugged, reaching up and patting the side of Tsukasa’s face.

“Don’t worry, guys. I’ll be fine, really.”

Sakura pondered for a moment, before standing. “Mitsuba, would you like to walk with me? I should go grab something.”

Mitsuba, who had been sitting off to the side- glanced up, his usual puppy-like expression on his face. “Sure,” He replied, standing up, practically in sync with Natsuhiko.

“I’ll go as well, my lady!”

Oh. She’s doing that on purpose.

Your eyes followed the trio as they left the room, and you could feel Tsukasa’s eyes still stuck on you. The moment the door shut, he spoke. “(Y/N), tell me what’s wrong. You don’t seem to enjoy being miserable!”

“Am I supposed to?” “You’re miserable then? What’s wrong, c’mon!!”

“I didn’t say I was- just that I don’t think many people like it,” You spoke, taking another sip from the tea. The warmth of it made your throat feel hot, but it didn’t help the lump stuck in it.

“(Y/N). Just admit to me what’s wrong, and I’ll do what I can!”

You sighed, not wanting to grow frustrated. Tsukasa was… trying. He just didn’t understand everything- the boy who enjoyed seeing people wear normally unpleasant expressions, of course he wouldn’t personally understand. He wanted to help you, but how could a ghost help? Much less, the ghost of a boy such as him?

“(Y/N)-” “I’m just dealing with some bullies. It’s fine, Tsukasa- I’ll figure something out.”

“I’ll kill them <3”

“Tsu-”

Tsukasa stepped away from you, crossing his arms. “So, (Y/N), you don’t like it when people bully you? I’ll take care of it! Promise!” “Stop it right there, Mr. Only-grants-wishes-for-the-dead. Don’t ‘take care of them.’ I just need to get enough confidence to tell a teacher or something…”

Tsukasa paused, pouting his lips slightly, before nodding. Quickly, he floated back over to you, and trapped you in a hug. His arms wrapped around you securely, making you feel rather safe for being in the arms of such a destructive boy. “Fine. I’ll go with you, then, (Y/N)! I’ll even hold your hand!! And I definitely won’t let those bullies bother you any more~.”

“Tsukasa, please, don’t do anything drastic-” “Whatever you say, (Y/N). You know I can’t go against the wishes of my cute partner~!”

#anon #gn!reader #x gn!reader #oneshot #tbhk #jshk #kou minamoto #mitsuba sousuke #tsukasa yugi #tbhk x reader #jshk x reader #toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shounen hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun x reader #jibaku shounen hanako kun x reader #kou minamoto x reader #mitsuba sousuke x reader #tsukasa yugi x reader

[ledamemangociana]

this is not a happy post

apologies in advance, especially to anyone who followed me coz of my various gifsets; i know this kind of thing isn’t what you’re here for. 

i’m unfortunately prone to a venting a lot and lengthily when my depression, anxiety and self-esteem issues get the better of me. most of the time, im feels-vomiting on my twitter, mostly coz i havent used my tumblr quite as regularly as i used to 6, maybe 7 years ago. i’m mostly doing this here now coz i feel like i need the writing momentum to not be stilted by having to click the “add new tweet” button over and over again.

so. i’m turning 35 two weeks from now. and it is getting to me, possibly because of the situation that the pandemic has kept me in for the past year and a half, maybe because 35 feels like a milestone adult age, maybe because turning 35 means 40 is right around the corner. and the closer my 35th birthday is, the more i’m plagued by thoughts of where i am now, where i’m probably supposed to be as an adult, where i wanted to be, and the thought that i’m just never gonna be good enough to not be who and where i am now.

in feb 2020, i started my new job as the digital marketing manager for a pair of upscale hotels, the biggest deal of a job i’ve ever gotten since i started working in late 2011, and the biggest paycheck i’ve ever signed on for too. for the first time in a long time, possibly in forever, the few big dreams i had ever had for myself seemed to be attainable; it felt like they could become goals. a solo trip to japan, getting a place for myself instead of living in the family condo, growing my collections, maybe having an actual social life, those kinds of things seemed within reach.

and then, literally a month into my new job, the country went into lockdown, and legitimately has never come out of it. my work situation changed drastically, to the point where i ran up both of my credit card bills before the year was over (i literally only just got one of them fully paid off last week, and only because my sister was a HUGE help), and i was living off the limited family funds and relying on dad to take care of me. i had a freelance client for a handful of months, only for them to drop me without word at the end of our contract, leaving me without a chunk of the only funds i was making on my own for a while. i’m now working sporadically at my regular job, with a significant cut to my paid hours and therefore my paycheck, but the tasks list just seems to grow longer with each task that i check off of it, leaving me overworked and underpaid (but of course,i know im not alone or special in this, some people have it far worse than me and i’m grateful that i even have a regular work schedule, even if it does look the way it does). im 260 lbs., wearing size 22 or 24 clothes, somewhat sickly and prone to constant painful gout attacks that make it difficult for me to walk, living in a condo unit owned by family because they’re letting me live here, making only a third of the salary i normally should at work without the panemic, subsisting on junk food and softdrinks (it’s an addiction) because much of my money leaves my wallet and goes to paying bills and loans as soon as the money comes in, alone, unloved, unlovable, as prone to hyperfixation as i’ve ever been, and putting up with constantly re-attaching bromides and instax pics that keep falling off of my recently completed anime wall.

i’m 34 years old. i’m turning 35 in two weeks.

you know who else is 34/35 this year? the local barangay captain, a member of the local govnerment unit, who was one of my classmates in grade school and high school. a few years ago, i had seen a tarp across the street advertising her local work-out and yoga classes.

i’ve always hated the question “where do you see yourself 5 years from now/10 years from now/in the future?” because i’ve never been able to truthfully answer it, even when i wasnt an emotionally unstable mess (which was all the way back in elementary). i close my eyes and try to imagine it, and nothing ever comes up. i’d like to think i have an active enough imagination to have been able to write fanfic a lot back in the day, so you know it’s bad when i can’t even imagine a lofty future for myself. at this point in my life, i can’t even say “just simply alive” because i truly don’t know if i will be, i don’t see it. that’s fatalistic, maybe, but i really have never been able to imagine myself living to 40, let alone past that. anything i want for myself remain dreams, things i dont deserve because im not thin, pretty, smart, cultured, skilled. and the closer i get to 40, the less of that already non-existent future i see. 

and it’s just depressing, you know. like. it’s already so hard being depressed about and hating myself WITHOUT this added thought of “you are only growing older and fatter and are headed literally nowhere and everyone your age is far more responsible and mature than you could even dream you’d ever be” mixed in there too. maybe this is just me beating myself up and being my own harshest bully, but what’s stopping me from believing that i deserve this bullying of myself by myself, lmao. 

i dread every birthday. i stopped dreaming things for myself a long time ago. these are all things i just know i can’t and won’t ever live up to, because i’m just this useless sack of potatoes rotting away in the corner of some barn while everyone else is finding some use for themselves and able to make lemonade out of their own lemons, and stuff like that. and yet knowing i’ll never be those things or have those things makes me sad. for someone with a laundry list of negative things about myself i’ve just learned to accept so i can somehow function, having that list sure does make me sad. and it probably shouldn’t, if im so resigned to all of this, but maybe that’s just what happens when you hate yourself - there will always be a reason for you to hate yourself.

oh, and i think i’m coming down with carpal tunnel in my left hand. great.

#Mango Goes To Jail #long post #sorry this is kinda depressing #i just needed to vent #im feeling myself slipping into Yet Another Depressive Spell

[babysizedfics]

Poor roman :( but that being said I am heka interested in 5

remus humiliates roman in front of jamal (but jamal is a sweetheart)

vote from this concept voting post!

TWs: swearing, emotional humiliation, arguing, remus is generally pretty mean in this - not "unsympathetic" but his behaviour is not ok, brief alcohol mention but it isnt a main feature

first some background info on remus and ro:

roman and remus' friend groups actually run parallel to each other by pure councidence in that theyre the same age and are both in the local queer scene

usually they only run into each other on nights out and avoid each other like the plague... until one of romans friends and one of remus' friends become a very serious couple and the friendship groups merge

remus tends to hang it over romans head whenever they argue or remus just feels like teasing him that he could so so easily spill romans secret littlespace to all his friends

and while roman claims to not care he also really doesnt want that to happen, especially the specific things remus threatens to reveal (namely him calling his cgs mommy and daddy, and his fear of the dark - which remus knows are romans biggest embarrassments)

and remus never USUALLY actually follows through on his threats, he loves to freak roman out but he doesnt mean to be intentionslly cruel.

but one night theyve had an argument recently and remus is out to hurt roman and finally follows through on his threat to reveal romans secrets. in front of jamal

((the actual incident below the cut))

all the friends are walking back from a night out, and remus hangs back from the group to talk to jamal. roman is just glaring at remus and not saying anything and holding jamals hand tightly. remus hasnt embarrassed him too bad so far, just asking jamal questions and referring to roman as his "baby brother" which is so annoying, but the thing is roman can tell hes building up to something

then suddenly remus smirks when he sees a completely pitch black side street thats theyre about to pass by, and he calls out to everyone "hey guys, there's a 24/7 mcdonalds through here and its a shortcut to the bus stop" and everyones like WOO mcdonalds and redirects to go down the side street

and romans heart pounds watching the friends all filter down the street without a second thought, theres no streetlights down there, theres light on the other side quite far away, but before that its SO DARK. and he freezes in place and jamal is tugged back by it and looks back at him. "babe, come on"

romans starting to feel shaky and he literally cant move his feet. his eyes flick between the street and remus' sadistic cocky smirk.

"whats wrong baby bro? you stuck or something?" remus leers with that stupid stupid smirk

and roman HATES him so so much

"ro, what's the matter?" jamal asks

"i- um," roman stutters, trying to keep his voice from shaking too much at the sight of his friends just having DISAPPEARED into the darkness - how are they okay with that?? "i- im not hungry"

"okay well i am, and remus said it was a shortcut anyway so-"

"i-i -- no i can't"

seraphina, romans best friend, looks back and notices whats happening and quickly jogs over (knowing roman is scared of the dark) "hey roma, it's okay we dont have to go down there" she soothes

jamal is supportive but he doesnt get it. he thinks roman is scared of criminals or smth. "i promise theres no one bad down there, hun. and i'll be right next to you the whole time, i'll protect you" and he smiles and tugs romans hand to pull him towards the side street

romans eyes quickly tear up and he panics and rambles "nononono dont please please i cant i cant" in a broken voice and plants his feet firmly on the ground, paralysed with fear

remus starts cackling "ohhhhh thats right~" as if he just remembered. "my baby brother's terrified of the dark, isn't he?"

"f*ck off, re" sera barks, standing between the twins, protective of roman

"wait, are you?" jamal asks sounding surprised. roman doesnt let himself look at him, too busy watching remus warily and knowing thats not all he has planned to embarrass roman

remus goes on, shouting out to jamal over sera's head "he's petrified!" he confirms sounding delighted. "yknow that massive blackout last summer? he cried like a baby. literally sobbing for his daddy patton to make it go away"

theres a brief silence because no, sera and jamal didnt expect remus to refer to patton as romans daddy - they both know roman calls him dad but this is a surprise.

and that one second of silence drags on for ages for roman, all he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and remus' obnoxious laughter

he is shaking, frozen in shock rather than fear now. for all of remus' teasing threats at home, he didnt expect remus to actually do it. hes devastated and humiliated that remus told to his best friend and especially his BOYFRIEND of all ppl

and honestly he's not even thinking about the pitch black side street right now because the streetlights on the main road are blurred by tears welling in his eyes anyway

"why dont you just leave him alone!" sera hisses furiously after her mild shock

then jamal bounces back rlly stern to remus "yeah i already know about that! roman told me and it was HIS choice to tell me"

roman stares at him in disbelief but jamal is too busy staring daggers at remus to notice

remus looks suddenly offended and frowns. hes clearly hurt that the others dont think its funny "jeez youre both such bores. im just having some fun"

"youre demented if you think thats fun" seraphina growls and shoves remus away towards the sidestreet. remus rolls his eyes and runs ahead to join the others who are all oblivious to that coversation, howling with drunken laughter in the pitch black and jumping out and scaring each other

"f*cking prick" jamal calls after remus, seething

sera quickly throws a concerned look to roman "you okay?"

roman just swallows thickly and looks between seraphina and where he saw remus join the others in the pitch black. his stomach churns at the idea of remus telling more people. "i-is he gonna--"

"im on it" sera nods and starts turning around "i wont let him tell anyone else, roma, promise" then she runs ahead to keep an eye on remus and to give him and jamal some privacy

after a moment jamal turns back to roman looking so worried and holds his hands and asks very gently "babe, can you tell me how youre feeling?"

and roman is teary but he whispers "i - you stuck up for me"

jamal looks suddenly sad and cups romans cheek "of course i did"

"but you said i told you about it. i- i didnt tell you that i-" roman gulps after his voice wobbles "i didnt tell you about it"

and jamal smiles sadly and goes "i know babe... im sorry, i just didnt wanna give him any more power. it seemed like he's held that over you for a while"

suddenly the tears in romans eyes overspill and he doesnt really know why but he can't stop them

jama gasps a little "oh roman, its ok" and just pulls him into a tight hug

roman clings and sniffles, glad that he can hide his tears from his boyfriend even if it is in his neck.

and jamal just strokes his back and whispers "its ok baby, its ok" **

they talk about it quietly as they take the longer, well-lit route instead. roman admits he would never have told jamal abt his fear on his own - and the reason he's been avoiding staying overnight at jamals apartment is bc the one time he did he got so scared of the dark that he couldnt sleep and was just anxious all night but wouldnt wake jamal to tell him

after jamal finds out hes like baby why didnt u tell me its okay and comforts him about it not being embarrassing or childish. then:

"so you do actually want to stay at mine, its just because its so dark that you didnt?"

roman nods shyly "yeah... im sorry i know its a dumb fear i just-"

"its not dumb ro. i meant to say if it works for you, we could leave the hall light on and the door open. its not like i live with anyone who can walk in."

roman blinks "wait you - really? it wont make it hard for you to sleep?"

jamal smiles softly "no hun, honestly i could sleep anywhere. i fell asleep in the middle of the day in the staffroom just last month"

roman laughs, so so so relieved

"so... maybe next time you come over for dinner you could stay the night, yeah?" jamal says with a smile and a blush. he wraps his arm around romans waist and pulls him in, hip to hip

roman bites his lip and blushes. after a moment he suggests shyly "im free tonight..."

and jamal smiles so big, stops walking and puts his arm up to romans chest to stop him too then angles romans jaw down to kiss him

in the near future jamal promises to buy a plain nightlight and always leaves it on for roman when he stays overnight from then on

**side note: roman could never stand anyone calling him baby before because he felt infantilised at school becaus of his undiagnosed adhd. so he sees it as a derogatory name more than anything. but when jamal says it roman feels so warm and respected because he knows jamal would never mean it in that way. so jamal has "baby" rights basically

#swearing tw #little angst #long post #chaotic cousin remus #little/big concepts #asks #tumblebee the smol bean

[alwaysanotherrainbow]

my boyfriend never texts first

Remus just wants to not be the first one to send a message every once in a while. That’s not too much to ask, right?

relationship: romantic remrom, background remy and emile (also romantic)

warnings: major character death, extended mourning (secondary warnings- brief discussion of religious holidays, brief underage drinking mention, a lot of all-caps) notes: unrelated, human, hs/college au. virgil, emile, and remy are here too. If you need anything in the secondary warnings (or one of those latter three characters) edited out, please let me know and I can put that up for you!

____________________________________________________

Remus always texted him first. Always. It didn’t matter the situation, didn’t matter the time date place name face. Who what when where why. It first started when he texted hi roman :) when they first got phones; for whatever reason, Roman just never texted first. Either he’d call or they’d talk in person.

No matter. Remus could cope.

May 1:

8:37 PM tody i saw you by my locker 8:39 PM *today 8:42 PM why didnt you say hi?

May 2:

9:30 PM a teacher talked to me today 9:30 PM wanted to talk about how i’m doing after 9:52 PM well you know. he’s a sick bastard

Really, it wasn’t too much to ask for, was it? He just wanted to see him text first once in a while! May 7:

3:32 PM: by the way idk if you got this last time 3:36 PM: my class ring size is the medium 3:44 PM: hopefully you order it by the deadline :P 4:03 PM: no idea when the deadline is 4:20 PM: bLAZE IT 4:24 PM: sorry i have like 0 money so i got it from the consignment shop 4:31 PM: i hope you like synthetic rubies!! leaving them with ur dad 10:40 PM: update. i cried for four hours with your dad.

June 2:

7:30 AM: gRaDuAtIoN dAy!!! 7:32 AM: there’s cookies in the reception menu 7:35 AM: snickerdoodles your favorite [eyes] 10:02 AM: i’m getting some for u 10:05 AM: [kissy face] 7:40 PM: the announcement was Weird 7:43 PM: anyways i have the snickerdoodles (Remus couldn’t go over to where Roman was staying, so he left them in the living room. He knew Roman would appreciate them. Hopefully he’d come over (wait, probably not, given...))

Well, actually, he could understand why he never texted first. June 11:

12:14 PM: roMAN 12:16 PM: [Attachment: Remus_Picani-Kleitman_Acceptance_Letter.pdf] 12:18 PM: YEAHHHH 12:24 PM: I’m sure you got in too SEND ME YOURS WHEN YOU GET IT 12:32 PM: WE MIGHT SHARE A ROOM YEA 12:35 PM: [Attachment: celebration.jpg]

Everyone was probably saying that he ought to just move on, but to be honest, he couldn’t... Actually, to be honest, no-one had told him to move on to his face yet. In fact, everyone was surprised he was doing so well, given how bad the circumstances were! The situation was stressing him out so much, even his dads were gently advising him to rethink things. (Well, that was part of the territory with one of them being a therapist and the other being a barista.)

“I got y’all some kouign-amann from the cafe,” said Dad, putting it down on the counter. His shirt had SLEEP scrawled on it with a Sharpie; it was the one that Remus had made for him as a joke. He still wore it. Huh.

“Sweetie, what’s a queen amahn?” asked Papa.

“It’s a... er, it’s like a... this is kinda like a croissant that had dreams of a muffin tin and salted caramel. One for you, babe.... then one for Doodlebug-”

“Can I leave some for Roman?” asked Remus.

They exchanged a glance.

“Of course you can,” said Papa with a smile. “Your candle’s on the table. Also, I got the news about being accepted into university? Good job, kiddo. You know, that was your father’s alma mater.”

“Are you sure you want to go to school right away after...? No problem taking a gap year.”

Papa glared at Dad. “Be nice.”

“I’m sorry, Remus, it’s just...” Dad put down his coffee. “If you’re not ready, if you need more time-”

"I’m sure,” said Remus with a grin, trying to get rid of what he just remembered. “Trust me.”

“Please find a good way to put away the snickerdoodles, they’ve been there since last week!” shouted Papa.

June 12:

12:12 AM: its twelve twelve make a wish 12:15 AM: hey when does your phone bill go out? 12:20 AM: im just saying that would Explain some things 12:22 AM: i know your dad pays Everything like a year in advance 12:34 AM: tell him i say hi 12:34 AM: 12:34 MAKE A WISH

July 12:

3:30 PM: guess who’s a double major in bio and theatre!! 3:32 PM: marine biology babey 3:53 PM: it’s good for the SOUL 4:04 PM: this cute octopus reminded me of you by the way 4:10 PM: [Attachment: for_roman]

August 14:

6:24 PM: moving in is the Worst 6:32 PM: by the way i got a single 6:35 PM: no roommates 6:41 PM: still have the bunk tho 6:44 PM: also got ur favorite pillo

August 30:

2:12 AM: roman it is like two o’clock in the morning what the Heck are you doing here, 2:15 AM: if u see me wave Hi 2:32 AM: ok >:c 2:42 AM: dont mind Me just studyin on top of the planetarium 3:15 AM: tbh i didn’t even know we go to the same campus? haven’t seen you around or anything 3:17 AM: shit phones gonna di

September 28:

2:20 PM: i failed my test 2:22 PM: idk what to d 2:24 PM: *do

September 29: 7:30 PM: remember that octopus you gave me that eats negative emotions? 7:32 PM: it works!!

October 3:

1:10 PM:  You’d like the theatre program, really 1:15 PM: just so u know they’ve listed your name as an ‘honorary member of the class of’ 1:19 PM: that’s really nice of them. idk if your dad knows

October 23:

9:45 AM: i had to explain one of our inside jokes 8( 9:52 AM: i can’t Explain the deodorant thing that was One Time 9:55 AM: also why i’m called The Duke 9:56 AM: its bc you said it. not my fault 9:58 AM: its still cute pls call me that still 9:59 AM: pancake brunch pancake brunch pancake brunch October 31: 6:12 PM: sun’s down! joyous samhain 6:15 PM: i remember when you sewed me that octopus btw, the one that eats ucky feelings 6:19 PM: how long did it take you to get the laurel sachet into it?? 6:34 PM: also thank you thank you thank you for helping me find a friendly church to celebrate all saints day 6:47 PM: that year was a NIGHTMARE because you forgot to get your white candles and carnelian, and i forgot my holy water, so we were driving around town like Madmen 6:59 PM: it was worth it though 7:03 PM: i left you a script, i think you’ll like it.

November 9:

11:19 PM: i miss you so so much.

November 10:

12:20 AM: ignor this i drank like 12:24 AM: a lot 1:15 AM: i’m sorry i should’ve been with you 1:22 AM: i shouldve been there With You. 1:45 AM: but i wasn’t 2:20 AM: i didn’t know thered be a 4:11 PM: shit i just saw these. Sorry to bother you December 2:

10:10 AM: hey roman, been a bit. yea sorry about last time. too much of the Alcohol 10:13 AM: gonna go over to my parents’ house 1:00 PM: if you wanna come over, you can. dad’s making snickerdoodles and papa’s gonna watch atla (yes i still have that dvd you got me do not @ me it’s with your candles on your table just like everything else) 1:03 PM: that was on the dot, i’m happy.

December 21

8:34 AM: hey, it’s snowing 9:13 AM: couldn’t help leaving you some hot cocoa. and snickerdoodles of course 10:12 AM: i love you Remus went to go help his dads with making breakfast, but by the time everyone was done cleaning and they had finished watching some shitty Hallmark movie, he remembered that he had left his phone upstairs. Going upstairs and looking at it, he felt something in him break.

[2 Unread: Roman <3, bf’s dad]

10:22 AM, Roman <3: Why are you texting this number? 11:15 AM, bf’s dad: Remus, disregard that last, I’m so sorry. I just found his phone and I saw only the recent message first

The phone started ringing. Remus answered it as quickly as he could.

“I’m so sorry Mr. Sanders I didn’t know that someone was actually getting these messages I thought the line was out,” he said within a few seconds before the person on the other side sighed.

“No, it’s quite all right. And Virgil’s all right, by the way, if you prefer. I... I was just looking through his things for the first time. You know, it being a holiday and all... Memories, things like that.”

“Yeah, I understand.”

“I just turned the phone back on, I’m getting a lot of messages.”

“Oh.” Remus stared at the wall, trying to come to terms with everything. “Well, I--”

“I’m not going to stop paying for his phone. I’m sorry, I just... I still have his voicemails on it, and I can’t stand the thought of it going offline either.”

“Right, I... I listen to it too.”

“I happened upon the last one he sent to you.”

“You looked at the messages?”

“I only looked over when I stopped getting new ones, but I saw the last question he sent you. For your ring size.”

“Yeah? He asked my ring size so that he could--”

“There’s no easy way to say this, but.. I found something of his. Can you come over?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t, but can you please tell me what it was? Please?”

“I really think I should tell you this in person.”

“Please, Mr. Sanders. Please, I... I can’t manage that.”

He sighed. “All right, Remus. I found an early acceptance letter to SJAU, and... and a ringbox.”

Remus felt his grasp on the phone grow weak. It fell onto the bed, Mr. Sanders’ voice still clear.

“I think he was going to ask for you to....”

“No, we... We were just out of high school, I-- that doesn’t make sense.”

“He always was one for those romantic gestures. There’s some poems here, too. A life-plan. I’m not sure exactly what malacology is, but--”

“Mollusks. Like octopi and squids.. Sorry for cutting you off, what was that?”

“Some of it’s in your handwriting, but one of the entries is ‘ask him’, for the day after... you know.”

God, he could hear his sad smile through the phone. He knew exactly how Mr. Sanders looked right now just talking to him, probably wearing that hoodie that was too big on him, in a dusty room full of things that used to belong to the most vibrant person that Remus had ever met.

But then Roman had died.

He was the most wonderful person, and he had just died.

“I’ll come over to deliver the ring to you. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s... that’s fine. Uh, call my dads first, though. They’re still not convinced I’m doing okay.”

“I understand. I’ll talk to you later, Remus.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sanders.”

The line went dead in his hands.

Remus held himself and wept.

December 28:

12:30 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: Mr. Sanders, would you like to come over for our New Year’s party? 12:34 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: It’s a tradition we had. You don’t have to if you’d rather not. 12:45 PM, Virgil Sanders: I’d love to go.

January 1:

12:00 AM: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! 12:05 AM: [Attachment: :)] 12:07 AM: we are all smiling in this photo and for that i think we deserve a hug. 12:10 AM: this rings the most beuatifl thing i’ve ever fuckign seen. thank you,, 12:14 AM: never gonna get rid of it <3 12:16 AM: it looks Good on my finger 12:30 AM: jsyk your dad’s asking my dads for the kouign amann recipe 12:32 AM: thats a pastry, i left those for u a while back 12:39 AM: okay i’m crying a bit but honestly, i love u 12:44 AM: I love you so so so much, Roman

Somewhere out there, whether it was from some wonderful paradise or beyond the veil or even only in wishful thoughts, Remus knew that someone was saying I love you too.

#remrom #remrom writing #my fics

[themagicaltunaa]

Answer all the questions

well i have nothing to do so sure

1. What have you eaten today? 

some toast for breakfast, leftovers for lunch, and some cereal for dinner

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

never kissed anyone, don't really care about that

3. What color shoes did you last wear?

light grey sneakers

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

Jeremy did, when I was watching his Alien Isolation stream on monday

5. What is your favorite scent?

I love the smell freshly baked goods

6. What is your favorite season? Why?

I love fall. I just love the aesthetic of the season, and my favorite holiday is during fall. I would love to experience it one day

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

lol nope. I was barely able to do it as a kid. If I tried now i’m pretty sure i’ll break something.

8. What color are your nails?

the regular pink color? I don’t paint my nails

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

aw geez, uhhh idk maybe like a tiny star or something

10. What is something you find romantic?

i dont know romantic things 

11. Are you happy?

eh

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

no not really

13. Dogs or Cats?

cats. i like dogs too, but sometimes they’re too much to deal with. i’m more comfortable being with cats

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

museum

15. What is your style?

my style is “im trying”

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?

stay up all night to catch up on videos

17. Are you in a relationship or single?

single babeyyyy

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

nothing, because im not attracted to anyone

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

i dont like celebrities

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what?

i’m pretty sure i’m holding on to a lot of stuff, but I can’t seem to remember anything specific. if this question means metaphorically, the answer still works

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

I went to a drive thru haunted house with my 2 friends, and after we got some taco bell and went to the beach to eat our food. we sat there for like 10 minutes before it started to rain on us

22. Have you recently made any big decisions?

nope. I try not to in general , I hate having to make any sort of big decision because I starting stressing 

23. Were you ever in a school play?

I’ve always had stage fright so no

24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

uhhhh, I dont watch enough movies to pick one

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 

oh there’s plenty of things that I've dreamed of doing, but I just can’t do it because of anxiety 

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

I dont like sharing

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

uhhh idk? maybe the whole makeup culture thing? but it’s not like it irritates me I just don’t get it. I can’t really think of a second thing

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

too much to list

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

fuck if i know

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

can’t think of anything rn

31. How long was your longest relationship?

never been in one

32. Have you ever been in love?

pretty sure I have not

33. Are you currently in love?

nope

34. Why did your last relationship end?

see question 31

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?

not wearing any atm. actually, I just don’t wear jewelry in general

36. When was the last time you cried and why?

I think it was last week? I don’t remember why, it was probably something stupid

37. Name someone pretty.

the anon that sent me this ask

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

oh! I got a few gifts from my bestie :)

39. Do you get jealous easily?

no

40. Have you ever been cheated on?

no

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?

sure

42. Ever had detention?

no because I was a good bean in school

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

city. the countryside sounds nice, but just the thought of being out in the middle of nowhere especially at night makes me nervous 

44. What do people call you?

by my name

45. What was the last book you read?

I do not remember. It’s been years since I’ve read a book

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you?

uhhh idk

47. What kind of music do you listen to?

anything that catches my fancy. I don’t really stick to one kind of genre

48. How tall are you?

my doctor said I’m allowed to say i’m 5′2

49. Do you like kids?

they’re alright. I can handle be around them for a bit, but I would never want to have any 

50. Favorite fruits?

watermelon, starfruit, and tangerines

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans

52. What’s your earliest memory?

I was like 3-4, and I was at disney world with my family. I remember seeing a stage show of Bear in the Big Blue house, and I remember walking around ToonTown when it still existed

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

i hope not

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it

55. Do you have a collection of anything?

I used to collect seashells as a kid and I still have some of the collection somewhere in my closet. I wanna start a new collection of something but idk what

56. Do you save money or spend it?

i try to save it

57. What would your dream house be like?

something cozy and not too big, with a cat or 2

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

its 11pm at the time of answering this, i really can’t think of anything to fill a list rn

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

see the previous question

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

save the dog. i hate my job anyways so I don’t care

61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I would definitely tell my closest friends, and some of my family members, probably my mom’s side of the family. If I had the money to, I would like to travel to some places that i’ve always wanted to go to. I would have a month to accept that i’m gonna die so i think i would be fine. i’d rather get plenty of time to know i’m dying rather than like last minute. this has been a topic that i’ve been thinking of for a while now, not because I’m like thinking about death or anything, I just need something to kill time with at work

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

a heart?

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

aw cmon, I can’t just think of stuff like that on the spot. I don’t even know where I would want to go

64. Do you like the beach?

It’s nice, especially in the early morning when everything is still calm and the beach isn’t packed with people yet

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

no? wtf does someone special mean?

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!

Doesn’t everyone have a middle name? But yeah i do and i hate it so im not saying anything

67. Do you talk to yourself?

in my head all the time

68. Describe your hair.

brown, curly, very long because I haven’t cut it in almost a year, it’s very annoying

69. What is the meaning of life.

I wish i knew

70. What is your ideal partner like?

no one

71. Do you want to get married?

no

72. Do you want to have kids?

 ew no

73. Like or dislike your family?

 they’re bearable

74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

I’m more than chunky, i’m just straight up fat

75. Would you consider yourself smart?

lol no. I’m an absolute dumbass

76. What would you change about your life?

everything if i could

77. Religious or Not?

no not really

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I don’t drink so this would never happen

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

it sure isnt because no one is there

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

uhhhh no. I don’t really care tbh

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

idk

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

i’m not opening the door because no one is there

83. Do you like when people play with your hair?

ehh not really. It’ll just make it frizzy

84. Do you like bubble baths?

no

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

I need to drive in order for that to happen

86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

no. its not fun getting soaked in the rain

87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

not really? 

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

why does god allow suffering

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week)

1.greece

2. peru

3.disney world only because I have not been to all the parks yet, also i can bug my brother while i’m there

theres a lot more but i’m too tired to fill out the rest of the list

90. How was your day today?

it was fine

91. Play an instrument?

used to play mellophone/french horn in band in high school. after I graduated I haven’t touched an instrument since

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

it’s scary

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

aliens as anything that counts as a living organism not of this world, not green little men from mars nonsense. the universe is too big for only life to be on earth. for ghosts, i’m still iffy about them, but that doesn’t mean i’m gonna start walking around haunted places and call the ghosts a bitch

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be?

abosolutely not. every day I regret all the decisions i’ve made through my life. does that mean I’m trying to fix said mistakes or try not to do them again? lol no 

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

in my mind i do. I’m too scared of everyone to actually do it

96. When are you vulnerable?

always

97. How much free time do you have?

doesn’t feel like much. saturday and sunday go by way too fast and i feel like when i go home from work theres just not enough to relax. im tired all the time

98. Do you like to go hiking?

never been

99. Odd or Even Numbers?

even

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities?

no because I actually have self preservation. I am also a very big chicken

#wow this sure took a while #im gonna go knock out now #Tuna's posts #Anonymous

[writingpuddle]

Bookish Asks

making a separate thread bc that one was starting to get lengthy, find the full list of asks here. thanks to @bloody-wonder​ and @moonsandstarsaregay​ for tagging me!

1. Which book would you consider the best book you’ve ever read, and why?

Probably Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson. Nothing has ever come close to touching how well constructed that story is to me. the foreshadowing! the details! vins earring!!! also appreciate that the author was straight up like yeah, if i could go back i’d make more of the characters female, i got caught up in making a girl main character and left everyone else as the Default, rather than like. making excuses.

3. Are there any genres you will not read?

as a rule no, but i don’t tend to read romance or real world dramas. it needs to come with a pretty strong recommendation from someone whose opinion i trust, otherwise its just going to get lost on the list of more interesting things

4. Are you a fast or slow reader?

fast to the point that i have to actively slow down during fight scenes because i get so excited i read too fast and miss stuff lol

7. Have you ever despised something you have read?

sure, loads of stuff. im very opinionated. most recently both me and my dad tried to read Tyrannosaur Canyon because he’s been trying to read award winning books (which mostly means he and i get to bitch about how bad award winners often are). we hoped because this one was about fossils it would be alright. it was instead incredibly rapey and my dad violently objected to the “deadbeat dad redeems himself with large financial gesture” trope.

8. Do you prefer to read first person or third person?

third person preferably, first person has to be done really well for me to like it

9. Are you for or against multiple narrators in the same book?

oh very much for. ESPECIALLY when they contadict each other. delicious.

12. Do you need to finish a book before you can move on to the next one, or will you have multiple books going at once?

im often reading a nonfiction and a fiction at the same time, but i dont have the time in my life to read multiple fiction books at the same time.

13. How do you chose which book to read next?

the never ending list on my phone and whatever one i can stand to look at as im staring at my to-read shelf

17. Do you know any poetry by heart?

i know the king richard monologue from the shakespeare play, which is funny because ive never actually seen the play. my best friend and i just needed something to recite while we ran around with swords, and we liked the sound of it.

22. Hardcover or paperback?

paperback, hardcovers are lovely but too cumbersome to tote around everywhere

24. Do you prefer happy endings or sad endings?

happy, unless they’re done reeeeeeeally well.

26. A book you studied in school and ended up loving?

All Quiet on the Western Front. see question 24. sad ending, done exquisitely

29. Have you ever read a book in another language?  

im working my way through the hp series in french. its technically above my reading level in french but i know the story off by heart so i can puzzle out most of the words.

30. Have you ever written your own book?

not...yet

---

tagging @sig66 @foxsoulcourt @annawrites @thebashfulpoet how about q’s  1, 6, 7, 17, 21, 25? or any others you have strong opinions on haha

#tag games #about me #not aftg #personal #i have OPINIONS on books #and on a lot of other things lets face it #i coudl run a whole panel #call it Puddles Pet Peeves #lol

[retardkid]

1-150

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

hm.. ex gf i think

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

a friend of mine i think but i am nut sure

4. Are you easy to get along with?

depends

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

no

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

i do not know

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

haha no

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my ex gf

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

yes but just irl

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

hm a friend online

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

good morning

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

just few examples ^^

Cyberbitch26- Juliet Dies In Your Arms Tonight

Toto - Africa (Rayvolt Euphoric Frenchcore Remix)

Haustier - Track To Feel Valid To (Euphoria)

Kryonix - Lebendig Begraben

Gigi D'Agostino - L'Amour Toujours

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i think no

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yes

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i graduated

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

hm....

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

yes

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

no

19. Do you like bubble baths?

i did not tried it

20. Do you like your neighbors?

no

21. What are you bad habits?

a lot

22. Where would you like to travel?

all over the world travelling is nice

23. Do you have trust issues?

yes

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

eating

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

belly and legs

26. What do you do when you wake up?

take medicine

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

i like my skin color so non of these

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

a friend of mine, i m sostly calm around everybody that is not part of my family and that is a nice person

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

no

30. Do you ever want to get married?

i wanted but i m thinking about it if i should do it really.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

no :(

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

i do not know

33. Spell your name with your chin.

what? oh  ciuhnya< nb

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

no

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yes

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

something

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? 

attractive and well educated, helps you and is on your side

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

cheap shops

40. What do you want to do after high school?

i finished highshool so uhm what am i doing? i m at home my wish is to start a vocatinal training

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

idk

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

i m hungry and agressive

43. Do you smile at strangers?

no but i try to but it is awkward

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

other space hopefully more civilized than we

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

food

46. What are you paranoid about?

people who talk about me  think

47. Have you ever been high?

no

48. Have you ever been drunk?

yes

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

yes

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

blue

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

yes but as a joke i m happy to be not someone else

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

bad habbit about eating too much or doing not enough sport

53. Favourite makeup brand?

non

54. Favourite store?

55. Favourite blog?

56. Favourite colour?

blue

57. Favourite food?

food in general

58. Last thing you ate?

chicken

59. First thing you ate this morning?

nothing im hungry

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

yes

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

i punchd somone after school

62. Been arrested? For what?

no

63. Ever been in love?

yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

girl kissed me while  i had a seizure i could not react just saw that ugly face

65. Are you hungry right now?

yes i am

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

i have a good friend found here but never ever found another good friend here lot of garbage some people are really nice and correct i really like to communicate with them to and a lot peopple are always open for questons  #realtalk

67. Facebook or Twitter?

non

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no

70. Names of your bestfriends?

secret

71. Craving something? What?

food,money, an apartment

72. What colour are your towels?

diffrent

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

one dirty one i should wash

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

i liked it a lot as child but no

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

i have 5 maybe

75. Favourite animal?

broccoli

76. What colour is your underwear?

olive

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

vanilla

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

green

80. What colour pants?

non

81. Favourite tv show?

non

82. Favourite movie?

non

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

did not watched

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

did not watched

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

did not watched

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

dori as far as i remember

87. First person you talked to today?

no one

88. Last person you talked to today?

brother

89. Name a person you hate?

idk

90. Name a person you love?

ex gf

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

idk  i m hungry <.<

92. In a fight with someone?

no

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

i never counted them

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

5 or 4

95. Last movie you watched?

it was a good one but forgot the name

96. Favourite actress?

97. Favourite actor?

98. Do you tan a lot?

no

99. Have any pets?

not yet maybe i will buy a mantis

100. How are you feeling?

i feel okay

101. Do you type fast?

no

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

a lot

103. Can you spell well?

nope

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

kinda yeah

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

hm i think yeah

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes it died

108. What should you be doing?

idk

109. Is something irritating you right now?

why i feel sad right now

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

idk

111. Do you have trust issues?

yeah

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

ex

113. What was your childhood nickname?

thats a secret

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah

115. Do you play the Wii?

no but i played it and i liked it

116. Are you listening to music right now?

no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

never ate it

118. Do you like Chinese food?

never ate it

119. Favourite book?

actually i have many books i like

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yeah

121. Are you mean?

sometimes

122. Is cheating ever okay?

no but hot

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

i never had white shoes

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

yes

125. Do you believe in true love?

yes

126. Are you currently bored?

yes

127. What makes you happy?

idk beeing busy.

128. Would you change your name?

no

129. What your zodiac sign?

virgin

130. Do you like subway?

not that much

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

suck his dick

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

hm idk

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

have no right now

134. Can you count to one million?

nevver tied but i think i could

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

have no idea

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

1.90 cm

138. Curly or Straight hair?

curly

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette

140. Summer or Winter?

autumn

141. Night or Day?

morning

142. Favourite month?

idk maybe april

143. Are you a vegetarian?

no i llove meat

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

white chocoate *hearteyes*

145. Tea or Coffee?

tea

146. Was today a good day?

kinda

147. Mars or Snickers?

sniggers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

go big or go home

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

just if i am afraid

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“German” Woman!

[kyunsies]

i was tagged by my lovely lil fam @memehyungwon @pansynight @theyoungflexer ;; i love u all dearly!!!!!!

rules: answer these questions and tag 5 mutuals

1. Flowers or chocolates? flowers!!

2. Between day and night I prefer: day 

3. My favorite drink: WATER (more specifically sparkling water) (even more specifically la croix or san pelligrino hehe) 

4. Between sunrise and sunset, I prefer: mmm i can’t choose :( i love the sunrise bc i wake up pretty early naturally but ALSO i have a lil series here on all the sunset pics i take and they’re beautiful so :(( gotta go with both!!!

5. Between dogs and cats, I prefer: dogs, i think i’m allergic to cats LOL 

6. The vegetable I hate the most: eggplant, raw onions, cucumber, cauliflower......i could go on and on i hate how picky i am kfsdfjsdfjs

7. My favorite sound: kyun’s VOICE,,,,,and maybe the ocean (even tho i’m afraid of it) 

8. The first thing I notice about people: their teeth/complexion (i have crooked teeth so when someone shows me a bright smile??? love that!!!)

9. Would you prefer horror or fantasy? i love horror movies but there hasn't been a good one in a really long time (idk why collectively as a society we need to hire The Worst actors/actresses EVER for horror film ugh) so i guess i’ll say fantasy :^)

10. I’d want to be stuck in a lift with: my best friend or my teammate or someone who is strong OR all of the above together :’)

11. What city or town you’d like to live in? it’s been a dream of mine to live in chicago!!!!!! chicago has everything: beach front (lake michigan is so big you can’t even see the shoreline from across the lake so it might as well look like an ocean), the big city life, also a really nice suburban area........you literally have everything <33

12. What I value most in life: to be happy and also like, to love and be loved ;; being in love (not even romantically) with your friends and family is the best feeling in the world idk,,,,,life is so beautiful no matter how many things go wrong no matter what how lucky are we to live on earth and experience love and pain and happiness and sadness and all of life’s lil ups and downs :’)

13. If I could learn any skill, it’d be: hemming my own clothes ;; im so short i don’t fit into anything dfjskdfjsdfj but also i would love to learn how to improve cooking !!!

14. Between the beach and the mountains, I prefer: beach AND mountains its impossible to choose 

15. I’d love to get married in: a church lol (call me a prude religious person) but all of my aunts had beautiful weddings in beautiful churches and :’) im not saying i want an expensive wedding or anything but!!!!! i just love weddings lol 

16. My hidden talent: i can raise my eyebrow??? idk or i can do a one-handed cartwheel but that’s not really hidden i guess 

17. If I could bring anyone back to life, I’d bring back: jesus, and i’m not even lying i wish the world would be a better place ;____;

18. Why? we are in SHAMBLES hehe like i know we all should learn from mistakes and all that but i think collectively as a human race we need like,,,,,,,,a big ‘ol group hug <33

19. Rainy or sunny day? sunny but!!!!! i only like rainy days when a) its not windy b) it’s not humid and c) when its just plain ‘ol RAINING like no thunderstorms or super cells that will turn into tornados idk how to express the fear i have for severe thunderstorms :(

20. Who’s the real model of your life? momma bear!!!!

21. How I relax after a hard day: watching any form of monsta x content on yt, or a recent interest is learning about korean cuisine like i follow these 2 channels on yt where these couples make homemade korean food and i just think everything looks yummy and i would like to either try it sometime or make it sometime on my own!!!!!!

22. I like the way I look: absolutely not lol 

23. My most favorite facial features of myself is: ehhh maybe my eyebrows 

24. My most favorite part of my body is: i don’t really seem to have a favorite body part but ill just say i have a lil mole on my ring finger and i always joke around with my friends that when i meet my soulmate and he puts a ring on my finger that mole will glow gold or something LOL DO U BELIEVE ME NOW WHEN I SAY I AM A HOPELESS ROMANTIC <33

25. If I could change anything about my body: well to start i wish i was taller LOL 

26. If yes, what’s it: my height i want longer and slimmer LEGS 

27. If I could change something from my past: my whole uni experience 

28. How many piercing I have: 4?? two on each ear! 

29. I like makeup? i like makeup but i hate what “influencers” have done with it like,,,,,,you don’t NEED the newest jeffery star palette pls go at your own pace i feel like it’s just CONSUME and then okay what’s the next hottest thing that looks like everything else on the market :’)

30. I wear make up everyday: heck no 

31. My skin type is: combination in the summer but dry in the winter 

32. My skin tone: tanned? i don’t have a deep chocolatey skin tone but, it just looks like i have a tan all the time 

33. My hair color: dark brown 

34. My height: 4′11″ so i think that’s only 149 cm lol 

35. My age: 21 

36. My birthday: december 4 

37. My best friend: my roommate + my teammate + plus some other uni friends <33

38. I have a pet or more: none sadly :(

39. If I don’t, I’d like to adopt: YA my dream pup is a greyhound !!!

40. Video games or social media: social media i hate hate hate video games 

41. I’ve visited outside my country: canada + dominican republic + jamaica + mexico but i would love to go to europe 

42. I have an innocent/dirty mind: both honestly lol 

43. Someone proposed to me or asked me out? nah 

44. If yes, then I liked it and accepted or the opposite: nah 

45. Do you follow some celebrities’ fashion: no, i thin fashion is unique to the individual so there’s no point in copying :)

46. What do you think about your fashion sense: i like it and i feel comfortable in what i wear! 

47. You found someone copying your fashion: my fashion is simple so if someone dresses simple then we have the same BRAIN <33

48. Can you do your makeup properly: yes 

49. You go or used to go with makeup to school: i used to in grade school/junior high bc i had really bad acne but now i dont care anymore :D

50. What color suits you best? neutral colors + cold accessories 

51. Finally, how is quarantine going? it could be better but it's not terrible!! i go back to school this weekend sooooooo oof 

tagging: @ckyunoirs @softhyungkyun @xphenomenon @sohcean @hohyuk and anyone else who wants to do this (and ofc feel free not to as well!!)

#tagged games #you know how long this took me?? LOL its okay these are always fun !! #i hope u are all doing well sending u lots of love and hugs <333

[kansascitygreekrestaurantsk-blog]

Find the nearest TD Bank - The Dominion Bank in Bronx, New York

TD Bank, Bronx

640 Pelham Pkwy S Bronx, NY 10462

Review

I popped my first checking accounts using this type of branch a good several years back and its still the main branch that I visit. Often the staff listed below are very form and educated so I do appreciate that. Often the only problem to this kind of place is that these people have the old ATMs that only dispenses 20 dollars charges, which can always be a hassle and often the wrinkles can get super long at times in fact if there is satisfactory staff available, which is definitely weird to me.

Review

I been recently with this standard bank with regard to the last 5 year's while using situation that Now i am going with this bsnk I actually not strongly suggested to no body since The spring if they pass that they new policy every payment that I have to carry out they over draft me personally for no reason for the reason that I always have cash in the account this loan provider is normally a froud in addition to the costumer service may do anything over it make sure you be careful. I have got to purchase a start due to the fact I have to to review it

TD Bank, 10461

1864 Williamsbridge Rd Bronx, NY 10461

Review

Fine location. At times that could be stressful but it's manageable. Oftentimes not necessarily all atm's are operating at full potential. Executing business in here will be very swift dependent on the time associated with day in addition to 12 months.

Review

To 2nd the earlier analyze. A person of the reasons that they got purge if the penny arcades was your inaccuracy of said equipment. At this point my account. I actually moved out and bought the own change counter and even rolls simply because they will have change like that. We just lately deposited $150 @ the Wall St. office and, even got cost-free rolls. I tried to the actual same here nevertheless wad told by this teller often the max gold coin deposit is $25. What exactly kinda junk is the fact that? They remove the adjust counter, now they limit the amount of I can put in? Shameful!

Review

If I can offer this place stop actors I would. Sad to say yelp doesn't allow that. I came here to use to the coin machine plus 50 percent way through the particular machine checking my gold coins that ended working. Whenever a good people from typically the bank came out to fix the machine I received some sort of paper stating of which I simply had $12. 24 cents. I find out I had 54 cash. I mean why will My spouse and i go to the bank to simply change twelve dollars. After some back and forth I had to leave this dump together with only 12 dollars. Perform yourself the favor together with go to apple standard bank if you need to use the lieu brewing system. Save yourself a good headache.

Review

Took my children for endroit exchange to help dollars. After we became the invoice from the device, we all went to a nice teller to get funds. She presented my kids money. She also speak to them about school and stuff. She gave them lots of gift coming from TD bank. My children keep wanting to know me if can we go there once again. Great customer service.

TD Bank, 10458

640 E Fordham Rd New York, NY 10458

Review

My spouse and i gone in there to pay my Car finance. Angela, one of the distributors the fact that sat in the desk was genuinely heedful to me personally. She named in the Personal loan core for me. The director Henry was likewise seriously informative. I never ever seriously had a challenge along with this part. Whether in the drive via or even inside, Im commonly at & out. Very good branch

Review

Theres a nice sized parking lot & drive thru. their right off Fordham. Typically the teller was really fine. No grievances this period

Review

If leaving no megastars was possible; My spouse and i completely might. I went throughout continue Friday, 11/8 to opened a whole new joint account. (Let's consider I at the moment currently have an acct with them and have had that for about 3-4years) We was welcome when My partner and i walked in which had been decent but as We proceeded to recommend all of them I desired to open a new account for my own spouse and I, also bringing up We already acquired an in service account having them. The woman offered my partner and I actually a very odd look and mentioned she had in order to talk ready manager; the woman then returned and informed me I could not be helped and should visit one other branch. I EXTREMELY truly feel I was discriminated against due to our appearance along with my spouses. I will by no means throughout my life be coming back again to this particular branch position and will be data a complaint of discrimination against the woman who put us away.

Overview

I sluggish program. Staff don't appear to care that right now there always a large line. A few are very unpleasant. Unhappy that I bank below. What good is all the advertising if the staff are certainly not maintaining the particular quality of service a person pleasure yourself in your own commercials. Unpleasant service.

Review

Where carry out I start? Impolite employees. Slow service. My spouse and i silently laid 45 minutes on a new series to make the simple deposit and even right now there were only 7 customers on the line!!!! SMH!!! Never coming back to this branch!!!

Review

My spouse and i used the gold coin games TD bank is offering in addition to was very frustrated. Intended for several years Everyday following work My spouse and i put loose coins into our gift basket and after thanksgiving we all often exchange it. Similar to a additional christmas financial savings. We often count it before the exchange. My kids love it. To cut to be able to chase we've ended keeping track of this calendar year with a good minor above $320. 00 within coins. When we exchanged that the machine stated to be able to keep placing coins although TD rep replace coin bag. Now i'm guessing that was full. In late rely, we only possessed some sort of shocking $181. 68. We have explained to the associate. that there was a shortage of above $140. 00. She has been shopping at me as in case I got trying to con the bank beyond money(which My spouse and i could understand) nonetheless not necessarily to say I had been comfortable. Her explanation had not been helpful at all. The woman only asked that We leave my own contact information and that when there had been an overage that they can give me a call. We only hope that they carry out right & that will his or her integrity speaks with regard to it self applied. Karma. To some people $140 will be not a lot of money but it's good deal to others. Really the basic principle. I actually hope they fix that issue because I may only imagine the volume of money that's not necessarily provided to the customers via this "COIN ARCADE".

Related posts:

- TD Bank Columbia - TD Bank Brooklyn - TD Bank - TD Bank MO - TD Bank SC

#TD Bank #TD Bank Locations #TD Bank Near Me #TD Bank Hours #Banks

[crazykacey]

Com-Myu-nity Survey!

@missemperor​ tagged me on this loong survey (thank you btw <3) and I’m excited to do it! lol

1. What is your hobby?

Playing video games, Youtube (Gaming & music), baking, singing

2. What is your special skill?

Baking I guess xD

3. What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Strengths: I really don’t care what people think of me like if someone comments my clothing or the way I do certain things I’m just like “lol idgaf”. I also am quite a empathetic and sympathetic person

Weaknesses: I get angry quite easily and sometimes I might get angry over super silly and stupid things and after a while I’m just gonna be like “omg why was I mad over such a stupid thing” so I’m sorry if I get mad at anyone over silly things xD

4. What is your favorite color?

YELLOW

5. What is your favorite animal?

a dog or a bunny <3

6. Which food are you into lately?

idk there hasn’t been any new foods that I have liked so much that I would just eat it like a madman but NZ has amazing sushi😍

7. What is the thing you never lose to from anyone?

I’m not really sure if I understand this question correctly but my dignity I guess? For example there are certain things I would NEVER do but then drunk me is like let’s do this but I hold to that small part of dignity still left and don’t do that thing if it makes any sense?

8. What is your most treasured item?

I used to be really materialist but nowadays I don’t care that much about that stuff and I want to treasure the friendships and all other relationships I have rn. (wow that was deep) BUT if I had to choose one I would choose this teddy bear that I’ve had since I was like 2 or 3

9. What is your cooking specialty?

OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES im coming for you pheebs

10. What is the thing you want the most at the moment?

To fix my fucking mental health

11. What is the thing you are most scared of?

To lose everybody who are dear to me

12. What is the thing you were happy about this year?

That I was able to get to New Zealand (and that I graduated from that hellhole aka high school)

13. What is the thing you were sad about this year?

I don’t actually know XD not that much have happened that has made me sad but if I had to choose one it’s that I had to leave my doggo to Finland ;_;

14. What is the thing you regretted this year?

focusing all my time and energy on people who I thought were my friends but in reality were just really toxic people who didn’t give a shit

15. What is the thing you were angry about this year?

my now ex-friend how just sabotaged everything and didn’t learn from any mistake that she did and just kept being shitty

16. What is the job that gave you a sense of fulfillment this year?

nothing yet lol (hope this volunteer thing does that tho lol)

17. What has changed about you since you entered com-myu-nity?

I have become more confident about speaking about the things I like (still need to work more on that tho lol) and also got more confidence on singing and doing what I like and not being afraid to be who I am (in social media mostly)

18. Which character would you play in Sera myu?

Sailor Venus D44

19. If you were to form a collab now, who would it be with?

omg I already have soo many collabs I have to do but I would like to collab with everyone from the Sera Myu Community or anyone in general (heck if you want to collab with me in any way; music, games etc. just message me I’m always up for meeting new people!)

20. What do you love about Sera Myu nowadays?

That it still exists and is getting more and more love outside of Japan too!

21. Which cast member catches your attention the most at the moment?

Mizuki Yamashita, Shiori Kubo & Rimo Hasegawa <333

22. Which cast member would you want as your significant other?

oh crap idk Hotaru, Rimo or Hironari

23. If you were to marry a cast member, who would it be?

RIMO YES QUEEN

24. If you would go to a deserted island, which cast member would you like to go with you?

For some reason I can only think of Yuu Takahashi so let’s just go with her then XD

25. If you would be born again, which cast member would you want to be?

Mizuki Yamashita or Hotaru Nomoto <33

26. Which Sera Myu production would you want to be a part of?

probs NogiMyu or UNV (so I could just cry my eyes out)

27. If you would create your own kingdom, what kind of country would you want it to be?

kingdom where everyone is equal and everyone lives in harmony (really cliche I know but idc)

28. What is an interesting book or manga you read recently?

omg lol I feel so bad I haven’t had any time for those but I like the Pokemon Special manga! can you just finish BW2 chapter plz

29. What is an interesting movie you watched recently?

Annabelle Comes Home! I don’t care what people say I LIKED IT and that is it. also it is not a movie but I watched the Zambi musicals and OMG THEY WERE SO GOOD I CRIED SO MUCH I RECOMMEND THEM PLEASE WATCH THEM (Especially Team Blue omg the feels ;_;)

30. What is your favorite Sera Myu song at the moment?

Knockin’ Down Hesitation is and will probably always be my favorite Myu song

31. What is your favorite Sera Myu song choreography at the moment?

UNV Ai no Starshine or SKSDK La Moon

32. What is your favorite Sera Myu costume at the moment?

LMF Eternal Sailor Moon or the Shining Moon Tokyo costumes (they are soo sparkly and cute I LOVE IT)

33. What is your favorite Myu at the moment?

Eien Densetsu Kaiteiban is and will probably always be my favorite Myu

34. What is your favorite Myu cast?

Kaguya Shima Densetsu Kaiteiban (Team Moon is also pretty cool tbh)

35. Is there something you say a lot recently?

irl: oh guurl, nasty

in social media: omg, lol, XD

36. What would you do if you could plan a Fan Kansha?

ALL THE MOONS SINGING LA SOLDIER and releasing the WHOLE Fan Kansa recording and throwing all the actors out of the recoring room cause that unnecessary yapping from them over the recording was SOO ANNOYING

37. What do you hope to see Sera Myu doing in the future?

SAILOR V AND SAILOR MOON R MOVIE MUSICALS!!!

also mixed cast sorry not sorry

38. What kind of person do you want to be in 5 years?

more confident about myself and have better self-esteem

39. What has been a memorable concert or event this year?

haven’t been to any this year

40. What do you want to do in your private life this year?

get my shit and mental health together

41. What kind of job would you like to do in the future?

sounds pretty cliche but maybe a Youtuber?

42. Do you have a hairstyle you would like to try in the future?

I actually have no clue AT ALL. Hair is one of the things I’m so lost with and have no idea what to do with it

43. What Sera Myu merchandise would you love to have?

something cool and useful (don’t get me started on those pins)like posters (maybe signed ones too)

44. Where would you want Sera Myu to come to?

I want Sera Myu to become an international phenomenon where the Myus would be translated and acted in a country’s native language!!!

45. If you could have a holiday with any cast member, what do you want to do?

BEACH HOLIDAY WITH RIMO omg that would be the best thing ever just sun bathing all day long

46. Please say something to your favourite cast member.

girl you are amazing and I’m so proud of you please never stop doing what you love. I would really like to meet you someday and just thank you cause you really inspire me and motivate me to continue to work on my dream. Thank you <3

#com-myu-nity survey #sera myu #sailor moon #thank yoiu for tagging me #<3 #it really means a lot to me #my english is bad i know

[marisaaaaidgaf]

And here we find ourselves back where it started. About 10 years ago I created my first tumblr out of a total of 4. I used tumblr for a safe place to express my mental illness. These 3 tumblr accounts are still up till this day, probably haunting people with the same mental illnesses, triggering people… triggering me. I wish I could remove them. Honestly my intentions on writing this, is going to turn this from a positive page to a depression page. History will constantly repeat itself just when I thought I was saved from myself. Everything is too good to be true. Maybe it’s just seasonal depression I was on my highest pedestal until this wave came through now I feel nothing, I feel like nothing… like I’m not even real. Im literally just here to keep other people sane. But what about me? When do I get to be sane again? When do I find peace, when can I be genuinely happy. I’m almost 24 and I’ve been fighting with myself since I was a child when will it end?

I’m 110 pounds and I didn’t even mean too. My mental health and physical health is deteriorating.

People see me as a strong, independent and powerful women, people admire me everyday. But it just makes me hate myself more because I know I’m not strong at all, I’m not independent at all. I’m terrified. I fight with myself everyday to stay positive for others , make myself seem happy around others because you don’t want to make anyone else miserable. If they took a look inside my head they would change there perspective. It’s my fault…I refuse to open up to people and this false hope I’ve created only took me so far before I fell back down.

I tell people I’m getting sad or depressed again, is a debate match. (Well why are you sad you have nothing to be sad for) you just gave me a reason to be sad by not acknowledging my feelings. People don’t even help. Talking about things with others doesn’t help, no one will truly understand how you feel besides you. I know I’m the only one who can fix myself but I’ve tried so hard, no matter how far in life I am,how good of a job I have or just doing better than I ever was…still feel the same. So I tackled all the things I thought would make me happy. I went head first into life doing things for myself cause I thought I was setting myself up for happiness. Just to be back in the same spot.

And the sad part is, EVERYONE thinks I’m fine.

Why shouldn’t I give up.

Eventually when I do take my own life just know it will be so much more peaceful for me than living.

Update: 02/05/22

Back Again

We have this void, this feeling of emptiness. I’ve been struggling a lot with reality these days. I was consuming ”mushrooms” everyday for a year and it was clouding the pain but opened something else. I haven’t eaten shrooms in almost 3 months, It’s very complicated I find myself wanting them constantly. I’ve been doing really well but recently I’ve been having trouble finding purpose. I’ve lost touch with reality, my mind chooses what to believe and what not too. I have a hard time believing this is the life I was intended to live. We’re lost, very lost.

Update: 02/16/2023

It’s been weird, I’ve been through more this past year than I ever imagined going through. Just like anything else that’s thrown at me we cope an move on from things, 7 months ago I started an antidepressant an anxiety medication. The meds have been helpful with a lot of my mood swings an anger, sensory issues etc. No matter what I do to try an help myself I always have this empty feeling inside. It’s my fault I know, I’m well aware my issues stem from my own fucking mistakes. I was involved in an abusive relationship for 10 months, emotionally an physical abusive, it’s a bitter sweet heart break. I keep doing it to myself having hopes in people, people put up a good facade. I’m so naive for love, I’m sucker for love, I’m an old school romantic, it constantly fucks me over. Drugs also have a huge impacted on my life, whether its friends family lovers etc. it really kills me breaks me down that the people who are supposed to “love” you will sit right in your face and choose a line before choosing you. Life is so peculiar. Very ironic really. I feel so vulnerable to everything, an that’s not my fault that’s the shit I been through.

[alicedoessurveys]

80 Questions

1. What was your favorite sweet as a child? never really been a fan of sweets, I was more into chocolate

2. Do you like to wear socks to bed? occasionally, if im very cold 

3. Do you own a lunch box? a couple yes, I bought myself some just before christmas when I was in a show so I could take dinner to the theatre 

4. How many coats do you own? two

5. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? twice

6. Do you keep spare change? I do have a piggy bank that I empty small change into because I hate when it bulks up my purse. the only change I keep in my purse in £1, £2, 50p, 20p and 10p coins

7. When was the last party you went to? after show party for the most recent show I helped out with last month 

8. Do you cook? sometimes yep, when I feel like it. I have to be in the right mood to cook a full on meal but I cook myself small lunches most days 

9. Are you cold at this very moment? im just right at the moment 

10. Do you know anyone in jail? nope

11. Have you ever dressed up? like in a costume? yeah quite a few times, especially since I joined the theatre. 

12. What color pen do you prefer, blue or black? blue

13. Are you afraid of snakes? not afraid of them no but they make my skin crawl and id rather not be around one 

14. Do you like scented candles? depends on the scent but mostly yes I love candles

15. Does your house have a white picket fence? nope

16. Do you watch the evening news? very rarely. I only tend to watch it when somethings happened like if theres been an attack or if someone well known has died

17. Whats your favorite berry? is a cherry classed a berry? 

18. Do you like to watch people? yes

19. Do you prefer to have a shower in the morning or at night? morning, I can never be bothered to blow dry my hair if I shower at night

20. Can you relate emotionally to some songs? yes

21. Who do you tell everything to? there is no one I tell everything to. but I tell my mom most things

22. Where is your mobile phone currently located? on the coffee table in front of me

23. Are you emotional? very

24. What was the last thing you said aloud? ‘no thank you im alright’ - im sat in the bar area at the theatre waiting or rehearsals and the guy who works behind the bar offered me some popcorn 

25. Did you have candles on your birthday cake? yes

26. How old are you? 22

27. Have you ever been bitten by anything? yes, my nans ferret bit and latched onto my nose when I was asleep on nans sofa when I was like 7 years old 

28. What DVD is currently in your DVD player? Harry Potter and the deathly hallows part 2

29. Do you have curtains or blinds on your windows? blinds

30. Do you have a habit of talking fast? yes, especially if im excited or nervous 

31. Do you appreciate what you have? Im trying to be more appreciative 

32. Is it dark outside? not really, it got super dark like half an hour ago when it rained but its okay again now 

33. Are you responsible? I try to be

34. Do you think you could take care of another person? I do quite often

35. Ever had a pregnancy scare? nope

36. Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? not that I dont talk about nope

37. Ever want to take things you’ve said back? yes

38. Do you smoke? No

39. Do you partake in gaming? I play sims and I play some ps3 games

40. Did your mother sing you a lullaby as a child? I dont remember 

41. Ever get mad at something that happened years ago? yes

42. What’s the kind of soda you drink most often? cherry coke 

43. Have you ever swallowed a piece of ice whole? no, I dont tend to have ice 

44. Who do you text the most? probably nick or rhys

45. Do your legs get really itchy after shaving them? every time 

46. Were you ever forced to read The Scarlet Letter in school? nope

47. Have you ever been called beautiful? Yes

48. Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? I hope too

49. Are you afraid of getting cheated on? a bit, but I dont really think about it because im not even in a relationship

50. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? yes all my jeans are skinny jeans 

51. How are you feeling RIGHT now? tired

52. What (or who) would you really like to hold right now? no one really

53. And what would you like to let go of? overly dramatic people who dont care about me as much as I care about them

54. Sunrise or sunset: which did you see last? sunset

55. Did you ever collect any type of cards? (Baseball cards, etc.) when I was in school I collected yu-gi-oh cards but I only because so many of my friends did. I didn't actually understand them or what there purpose was :’)

56. Do you have any stickers or anything on your laptop? I have a sticker on my laptop that covers the whole back 

57. When was the last time you got a haircut? last July 

58. Where did you go to college? Or, where do/did you want to go? I went to 3 colleges, I went to Stratford upon Avon college for 2 years then I went to Warwickshire college for half a year and solihull college for a year

59. Can you lucid dream? nope

60. Have you learned to love your body yet? No

61. What was the last sport you watched on TV? the Winter Olympics 

62. When did you last get a sunburn and where was it? I dont remember, I rarely catch the sun

63. If you could drop any subject right now in school, it would be…? im not in school anymore

64. Can people usually tell if you’re sad? people who know me well can normally tell

65. Finish the sentence: I can eat a whole bag of… chocolate m&ms

66. Would you rather have curvy legs or skinny legs? skinny

67. How much fruit do you eat on a given day? most days none

68. When someone takes your picture, do you smile with mouth open or closed? open

69. Do you look presentable right now? I hope so, since I am not at home 

70. Have you ever had your ass grabbed? Yes while I was at a music festival and it was not okay

71. Do you post things on Facebook that are personal? I barely post on facebook anymore 

72. Do you ever listen to music that’s in a different language? yes. I used to be a Zumba instructor so I have a whole playlist of music I used to dance to that is majority foreign 

73. Is your bed made currently? half made

74. Do you feel safe riding in taxis by yourself? I barely use taxis, but when I do I use uber and that feels safe

75. Are you craving food/snacks of sort currently? Yeah.

76. Are you very interested in History? not like super interested, but I do like learning about it. especially about British kings and queens

77. Play any instruments? ukulele and a tiny bit piano 

78. Have you ever painted the walls of your room? Yes

79. When was the last time you tied your hair up? (if your hair is long enough) last night so I could wash my face

80. Ever wanted to learn a foreign language? Yes. I started learning Italian but kinda gave up and dont remember much of it now 

#survey #long

[insarations]

these are actually hella fucking cute y’all

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? oh yes :) but gotta  get me some hot chocolate or blanket

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? usually just a scrap of paper or whatevers close

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? i put soy milk and sugar in my coffee....just sugar in tea

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? ya :/ well at least if my mouth is open...I have terrible teeth

6: do you keep plants? no

7: do you name your plants? noo lol

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? painting/drawing/crafting..sometimes writing or poetry

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? very much

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? usually side, sometimes back

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? too many to name

12: what's your favorite planet? hmm...never thought about it strangely. saturn for looks. but mars cause idk..it holds the most possibility

13: what's something that made you smile today? my cats

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? uhhh....idk

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! A day on Venus is actually longer than a year on Venus... wrap your head around that ;)

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? ooooh all of them lol but probably lasagna... ooh or alfredo

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? just darker...dark brown or black

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up when i made us play hide n seek in a hotel room and i hid behind a curtain. or when i peed on my friends foot cause she got stung by a jellyfish XD

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I used to :/ I dont' really anymore..probably should

20: what's your favorite eye color? um idk really it depends on the person..I usually like brown or blue. not that green isn't nice but again depends on the person lol

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. ugh I really don't use bags or purses or anything like that much. currently my black vans drawstring

22: are you a morning person? nah, never will be. i'm used to getting up early but still hate it

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? SLEEP

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? yes..a few people

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? umm i dont think ive broken into anywhere

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i got rid of all my own shoes but the ones ive had a while i wear the most are my black slipon vans

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? mint

28: sunrise or sunset? sunset

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? only she could do it, cant even explain lol

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? more than a few times

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I LOVE SOCKS lol absolutely not all white socks. I like fun patterned socks..especially my vans no shows... sometimes sleep with them on

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. oh gosh dont let me start

33: what's your fave pastry? uggghh too many. recently something amazing I tried... lobster tails from carlos bakery. but really..any pastry lol

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? lots of them. the main one I can think of is a small little grungy horse named Wickee lol...got him at this amusement park called Wickee Watchee... idk where he is atm :/

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? ooooooh yesssss...from time to time

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? 21 pilots

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I mean I like it clean.... but it's messy most the time anyways lol

38: tell us about your pet peeves! ugh so many. the #1 thing probably is when I'm walking like in a store and someone just stops right in front of me..like i'm tryna get somewhere please move haha but otherwise I just had selfish spoiled people and attitudes and people who think they're better than everyone else

39: what color do you wear the most? black and gray

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? um honestly I don't have any jewelry besides my liprings. There is this necklace that was my grandmas but I don't really wear it anymore

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? It's called Pawn by Robin Roseau

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Starbucks. it's amazing. it's life. that is all.

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? this girl

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? um hmm on and off lately and I think i'm getting there again...but probably really completely like...last spring

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? as much and often as I can

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. oh you don't want me to do that

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? donald trump. oh food. hahahahah omg. i thought it said thing. hahahaha. i cant even answer now.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? roaches. yes still same. I HATE THEM

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? eh neither like or dislike..rarely ever buy cds never records. But I did recently buy the Gwen Stefani Christmas album ;)

50: what's an odd thing you collect? nothing really odd. oh well.... unique boxes. I guess thats strange lol

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? so many songs.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? uh hmm.. probably the spongebob mocking one lol

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? honestly..dont kill me...no

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? myself XD

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? gotten out of the car and walked a mile home XD

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? just being genuine and truthful and sweet and trying to be funny even if you're not really

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? BEAUTIFUL. I didnt actually listen but I did in my head. BEAUTIFUL SONG

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? uhhhh..... dont really have a group of friends XD

59: what's your favorite myth? hmm too much thinking

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? depends, most the time...the Footprints poem

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? given um...idk I used to get a buncha stuff from the dollar store for my fam every year lol received? a rock from my ex bf -_-

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nah not really a juice person

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? yes organized

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? black

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? yesss....

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? uhhh eh..not for me

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? either calm or sad or sleepy or a combo

68: what's winter like where you live? it's florida. not usually cold. this week is as cold as it gets...low is like 38 but usually it doesnt even get there

69: what are your favorite board games? clue, monopoly is alright too

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? not huge on tea but I like mint, or something fruity like berry or lemon or peach

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? with certain things

73: what are some of your worst habits? leaving drinks or bottles half finished out or like letting my room get messy

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. funny. sarcastic. sometimes an asshole. good time. gorgeous. fun.

75: tell us about your pets! They're two cats, sister, Lamb and Rue...they're 2 and 1/2 years old..and sweet and mischevious and fluffy and soft and cuteeee  and I love them more than anything

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? not really

77: pink or yellow lemonade? dont really like lemonade much but they dont make much a difference to me

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? fanclub :)

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? wrote a song for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white..nah I didnt choose

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. honestly my minds going black lol im tired

82: are/were you good in school? yes for the most part..had my moments but overall good

83: what's some of your favorite album art? so many I could name. coldplays is always really colorful and abstracty. and imagine dragons.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? already have two. want a lot more..too much to name and i dont even know still what all i want

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? nah

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? YAS. many. but first came to mind, Skillets Rise

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Silver Linings Playbook. Paper Towns. Shrek. All the disney movies. Avatar. Wizard of Oz. many more

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? all of them haha... pop art, impressionism, renaissance..just all of it all special in they're own way

89: are you close to your parents? eh idk i cant explain..neither close nor distant. like we live together and talk alot but not really the close relationship as some do..im very different from them

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Knoxville. the city I went to college in... interesting place with lots to do..best of both worlds. beautiful mountains and hills and views. but also the downtown areas are cool..lots of fun stuff

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? going to savannah ga for my bday. not sure where else yet but i'm sure there will be other places. i'd really like to go to phoenix..boston..new orleans..california..portland ugh so many places

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? CHEESE AF

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? just up in a bun which is boring but its too messy and long to put up with lol

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my dad

95: what are your plans for this weekend? nothing really so far. probably will go to lunch or something with my friend

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? myer briggs- INFJ (advocate) sign- aquarius house- ravenclaw

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? legitimately...like 3 years ago...hated it...too much walking and pain XD

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. ugh sooooooooooo many. pretty much any song by skillet or gwen stefani/no doubt recently..dusk till dawn by sia, new rules by dua lipa... also songs by ben howard..lots of indie stuff

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 into the future... i've already lived my past, and i've made a lot of progress...wanna jump to even more progress hopefully

#survey #survey questions #random survey #cute questions #many questions #random questions

[ask-svt-hearteu]

“to all admins (who are so beautiful it is sO UNFAIR) : it’s me!!! sofia ahaha and im sending this a lil early because i wont be home for christmas (:p) and i’d like to thank all of you because i can’t send over gifts due to the ocean. damned water. somewhere in december, i think on the 14th??? i will have known this blog for 5 months ! which isn’t that long but im looking forward to spending many more weeks and months on this wonderful blog. all the admins are so, so friendly, nice, amazing, interesting, beautiful, etc etc. thank you for talking to me ! thank you for being here for me during the tough times! thank you for your advice, thank you for your jokes, your rants, your posts, your everything. this blog has given me as much joy as seventeen does. really! i’m so happy i stumbled upon this blessing of a blog when i was still a baby carat and needed more knowledge. 

but please, you guys, get enough rest okay? i heard that someone (like joshua’s wife cough) doesnt get enough sleep and i swear im flying over. all of you are humans and you need rest. you all are in school and you need rest from school (which can be a pain lets be honest) and a break from writing. remember, we, as your readers and fans, care more about your health than how fast you answer our asks. we want you all to be happy and we wish we could give you back the happiness youve given us with this blog. i hope that in 2018, the blog will earn many,many more followers, the admins will make many more friends, and get more supporters (ok but i still dont understand why and how people send hate to the admins?? like fuck you man, these people work so hard arghhh don’t send them hate just because you’re pathetic and lonely and deprived of love and all the good things in life. Legit everytime I see a post about a hater i want to throw a pan at the shithole who hated on these amazing creatures. @jun @minghao @hoshi @scoups jom let’s go beat up the haters im bringing my frying pan and my sunat knife y’ALL BETTER WATCH OUT LATER KENA I SUNAT YOU) drink water, not alcohol : okay sO YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT A HUMAN IS ALLOWED TO BE A TALENTED WRITER, PRETTY ENOUGH TO BE A MODEL AND BE A SINGER ????? JESS IDC WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE G O R G E O U S YOU’RE SO QR3UBFD-BGQIF and you’re so talented and friendly and n i c e. You’RE SO HARDWORKING AS WELL YOU’RE IN YOUR LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL AND STILL WRITE ON THIS BLOG AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN (it really touched me when i told you me and my best friend were fighting and you sent me tons of dino pics and tagged me in pictures of him. that really cheered me up , thank you :D) i think you’re the first admin i started to talking to hahahaha and even though im really annoying you still talked to me? like ?? i heard that you’re in your last year of high school and i wish you the best of luck !!! do only what you want to do. Don’t stress about choosing the right college/uni or the right course, just do what you want to. Please take your time with the blog, college tends to stress writers out and whenever you feel stressed rEST PLEASE. pls make many many new friends in college and have a better diet than ramen 24/7 which doesnt sound too bad but that’s a lot of sodium. i hope everything goes well for you but remember if anything goes wrong or u just wanna talk im here! love youuu bb. 10:10 : ok sERI. WE REALLY NEED TO FIND TIME TO TALK because whenever i text you you’re in class and whenever you text me im about to sleep (damn these timezones) sighh. it’s okay if i ever have kids, i’ll sell them and buy a plane ticket to meet you. okay when i first started talking to you i was really impressed because you’re really..tough? like i really people with thick skin and people who don’t give a shit about what other say and tbh i’m trying to be more like that. people like that are so cool !! and ur so pretty and cool sighh im so jealous (you have vv nice lips dONT TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY I JUST THINK THEY’RE VV PRETTY oR dO I) also you’re really smart ! like you’ve gotten full marks for a test like woah hoshi is so lucky. i hope you remain thick skinned and brush the haters away, but it’s okay to feel bad once in a while, you’re only being human. but you can talk to me any time you feel down or u just wanna talk or rant or vent. i hope you don’t stress about school, please take a break if you have to (i dont want you to go away i want you to get the rest you deserve)anyways i love you ! my name is soonyoung, call me soon : APA KHABAR MY MALAYSIAN FREN ahaha im soooo happy i met you on tumblr. *ur the aesthetic queen* . i hope that we meet in person soon or one day because we live in the same country and won’t it be cool to see each other? we should have a photoshoot together. speaking of photoshoot im very happy to have a model sensei to teach me how to pose. also ur one hell of a sweetheart. you always share fandom things with me and i tend to fangirl in the middle of tesco or class because of you. hmm if seventeen ever come back to malaysia we should meet at their concert, given both of us are going. i’d really love to know more about you lmao you’re so interesting and you’re really patient with me!!! which is reallly nice. okay bb let’s find a date when both of us are free and leggo have some fun. i hope you don’t ever have to feel sad. well actually i think sadness is vital to humans so maybe anger. i hope you’ll continue to be very peaceful and freak out w carats and kpop fans across the glose and i hope that one day you’ll see naega hosh up close and p e r so nal. ilysm bb xxx my i geddit because wo ai ni so ur my love heh : hello my wife /name twin ish / dancer girl / jun’s / blessing to thie world. oh my god we need to talk moreeeee. ur so funny and we’re so alike (like we both swear like pigs) but we’re different because you’re so good at dancing! heck, whenever i dance i blind people from a 5 kilometre radius. all the other admins say you could dance my i with jun and i am sHOOK BECAUSE ho l ee s h i et also do you know what i would give to see you dance with jun? i’d give up all my memes. yeah, that’s right. my knowledge of all memes and vines and fre sh a vacado. apart from your dancing skills, you’re very, very pretty. i can’t believe you think you’re ugly , sweet jisoos, you’re have… the beauty of all the sunsets in the world. you’re actually really nice (stop protesting) because you’ve listened to me rant about all the damn drama in my life and you gave me advice. and you’ve never lost your patience with me. jeez i love youuuu !!! you’ve laughed with me and sent me dino pics to make my heart explode and you were there when i did something really stupid on kakaotalk. sighhh good times amirite? well we can still talk on tumblr. i hope you continue being yourself, the amazing person you are. xx love you to bits. seventeenteenteen : i survived. you havent killed me yet. i have stuck to dino faithfully. well actually, my first bias for like, a week, was memesol but then dinosaur found his way into my heart. i know y’all are busy and it may be hard but please rest. please don’t read mean comments, please love yourselves, please eat well. please do anything that would make you happy. each and every one of you are so, so important to me and i hope all of you are healthy. the8 please rest, i hope you get better soon. scoups, i hope that fever is gone. dino, i hope you find someone that makes you really really happy and i hope you wake up with a smile on your face each day and i hope people will stop prying into your personal life because you deserve to find someone you love and you deserve to be able to love that person without hate. i hope all of you don;t feel pressured to keep away from relationships because of selfish “fans” and i hope all of you will be happy. @josh @hoshi @jun you guys, please take care of your aegis. @josh wish ur gf luck for college, @hoshi stop killing these girls w ur visuals and @jun im waiting for u and sophia’s dance duet. i love all of you with all my heart <3333 thank you for a wonderful 5 months, i hope many more will come. love, sofia xx add on : i wrote this note before jonghyun killed himself and i’d just like to say this to everyone. the admins and the readers ; please ask for help. you are not alone. people are here for you. mental illness is not and will never be a light topic. suicide is never the answer. i know it’s hard but you need to stay, because we need you. i need you. it doesnt matter if we are close friends or complete strangers : you are so important. you are strong and brave and kind and smart and beautiful and you can get through this. you have people willing to listen. if somehow the whole world refuses to listen, im here. there are people around you who care deeply about you and please, stay. if any of you feel sad about the recent tragedy, take a break from tumblr, okay? i love all of you and please, stay safe. — sofiafabulousphan”

Admin Jess: Sofia, bb T^T I honestly can’t express how much your words mean to me. I love you so so much thank you for everything. I honestly won’t deny, it’s hard. I think it will always be difficult to a certain degree to run this blog. Not that I don’t love every second of it believe me, I just (LMAO LEAVE IT TO ME TO START TEARING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF TYPING THIS) I’ve never wanted to do something I wanted to just because I can.  I don’t run this blog expecting anything in return. I do it because I genuinely love, love the happiness it brings other people, because I love seventeen and I love doing it all. If I didn’t love it with all my heart I don’t think I would have held up this long. You’re right, it’s my last year of high school. My hardest year because I decided to take a multitude of difficult classes. I have cried tears over so many classes (I’m crying writing this response omfg PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER JESS), I have had plenty of mental breakdowns, a lot of crying whenever someone simply asks me if I’m ok or suggests I get more sleep. I have been an emotional wreck all year. It is my fault though, I did decide to take challenging courses this school year, but one can only run on four hours of sleep everyday for so long and not be emotional I guess. AND I WAS TERRIFIED. I was so scared that in the course of this year, through all the difficult hours of studying and finishing homework at 2/3am in the morning before having to wake up at 6am and walk to school by 7am, that I wouldn’t have the time or effort to do just the one thing I wanted to do the most in the world. I only had one real hobby I loved doing and it was running this blog (again hella emotional and dramatic sorry it’s like one am here when I’m writing this). So I forgo sleep to get everything done. It’s not healthy but in my mind, if I gave up on this blog for one day, that one day might turn into two days, which would turn into a month, and then I’d never be able to do anything ever again just because I kept pushing it off, treating it as if it didn’t mean the world to me when it so very dearly does. OK I’M RAMBLING ABOUT MYSELF NO ONE CARES JESS AHEM,,, My point is, I sacrificed sleep for school and this blog not because I was forced to, but because if I slept, this feeling of guilt when I woke up in the morning, a feeling of “ahh I could have done more, I could have been better” would permeate my mind for who knows how long. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I hate disappointing people. So to hear you say this blog and all the stuff we do on it makes you happy? It makes me think maybe I’m not such a big disappointment after all, and maybe if I keep working hard, I can continue making more people happier, and that’s all I really want. True, with college approaching, I can’t make any guarantees. I anticipate not being able to do anything at all, and that idea is scary too and makes me want to work even harder now while I still can. I will definitely try to get more rest though??? I mean no one likes a sleep-deprived me at 3am lmao, I may seem nice but at 3am I’m bawling my eyes out over homework and cursing at my posters and pictures of Seventeen and school and textbooks in like three different languages (it’s not pretty lol). So yes rest? Idk what that is... but I’ll try??? fjnvksjn? I think I recall when you first sent in an ask, I’m not too sure but honestly the blog is about as old as you’ve been here so thank you for being one of our first supporters (did you have a book with a flower icon hmm trying to recall)! The hate I think will always be a thing I’m sure, I just don’t know how to deal with it T-T I am very naturally a sensitive human bean, what can I say... LMAO I’M NOT GORGEOUS THOUGH it’s called filters, lighting, angles, and makeup. The only reason I look anywhere near decent is because I use a combination of those things to hide all my flaws LMAO. As for singing, I’m not super? I can sing a pitch correctly I suppose? I can sing a chromatic scale? Idk if that qualifies as good singing (I can definitely sing svt songs in broken Korean shamelessly no matter where I go though). I’m really not that good, but I’m not awful like a dying seal or smth. I don’t even think I’m a talented writer, I just try my best I guess. I do sincerely try my hardest. YOU’RE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL I 117% would listen to you rant or scream about anything and I’m just super grateful you don’t think I’m annoying lsnfdnvd. OF COURSE I THINK YOU AND CHAN ARE THE CUTEST (or you and Jongdae pick your poison;) and of course I sent all those Channie pics omfg, I’m always here if you need it^~^ Thank you for all your kind words love (AND IMMA PRETEND YOU DIDN’T CALL ME JOSHUA’S WIFE BC MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT KDFJNVKSBBDIBI I’LL CALL YOU CHAN’S WIFE ISTG I WILL) make sure to take care of yourself and you’re always welcome to come talk to me bb :)

Admin Meagan:  aaaHHHHHHH, really appreciate you Sofia ✨😩 Gosh, can't believe you wrote us sub a long essay AHAHAHAH. Also, SUNAT KAU AHAHAHAHAHAHAH (Non-Malaysians  wouldn't understand lmao) But yeeeee, thank you so so much baby for taking the time to send this ask in <3 It's been amazing knowing you and gosh you are such a sweetheart! Also, Chinese New Year is soon, let's go out together ;)) Cafe hopping at SS15 maybe? Hehe. I want my postcard AHAHA and to spend time with you of course!! <3 You are such a bright individual and Chan loves you hella lots. Thank you for always sending us such encouraging messages and for being a good pal really. But for reals, you mean a lot to me and gosh I can't wait to meet you. Also I not model material lah AHAHAH, only a certain days ;) but yess!! A photoshoot would be amazing haha, I can try to teach you some tips lmao. And yes, thank you for caring about our mental health. January hasn't been the best month for me, honestly it's been horrible but stuff like this really warms up my heart yah know. So yes, really really appreciate you man. Keep being so spunky and loveable. Take care, stay safe and I hope we get to meet each other soon ❤️

Admin Seri: SERIously SERIously, you have no idea how much this warmed my heart. ahh i so wish we could find a better time to talk, i’ll work on that :’) i’m not very good at expressing my feeling through words! and for that mianhae mianhae. in fact, that’s one very VERY COOL thing about you!!! expression your feelings isn’t the easiest and hey, use those feelings to brush for those haters. as you know love, other people’s opinions don’t effect me BUT THERE’S NOTHING WRONG with being affected! just know, those people are irrelivant, and once you realize they can’t do a single fucking thing to you unless you let them, it gets a bit better <3 but GIRL i remember you from the VERY being!!! i can’t believe you stuck around this long , you’ve seen all the changes, how much we’ve grown, it’s seriously amazing. becoming an admin (sure as hell didn’t know it back then) was definitely my HIGHLIGHT of twenty seventeen. there’s not a day that goes by where i regret it, not at all, even when our inbox is loaded or when i have writers block. and you being here along that journey warms my heart so so much! i’m not kidding sometimes i find myself in the middle of the night looking through all the comments or reblogs and GOSH i just see every single sweet sweet message you leave. AND OH MY GOD I’M ALREADY FOR SURE GONNA VISIT AJVBELJNGR IM ALREADY PLANNING TO ONE DAY TO SEE MEAGAN SO LIKE DUHHHH WE COULD MEET UP!!! just augh i’m super super grateful for you message jinja jinja ily~~~ <333 !!! {p.s. i totally wrote bodyguard reader! Chan thinking of you, ngl}

Admin Soph: As much as I love you and as much as you’re my ai. DONT GIVE UP YOUR MEMES FOR ME WTAF. MAN I LOVE YA BUT MEMES ARE IMPORTANT XD. And you might only be disappointed after watching me dance with Jun. Ah I wish we could talk more too :��”) We get along so well and Im fucking positive were soulmates just looking at how similar we are XD. Ah im not really good at things like this. Im really speechless because damn boi I love ya and you took the time to write all this for us :””). Youre an angel sent from the heavens. AND ME PRETTY??? NUUUUUUUU.Just like what Jess said, filters and lighting exists. Im only cute tho (char). But youre more prettier than me love. Both inside and outside. You're as beautiful as the northern lights. And like the northern lights, you light up my dark days :””). We dont talk much but we always check up on each other man. Goddamn I love ya. I hope we can make more stupid but fun memories together ^^. And I will literally hug the shit outta you when we meet. Also can we like talk about how much we appreciate ya? You’re always in our inbox sending adorable and heartwarming asks to both Svt and us. I remember telling you that your asks about the admins literally brightens our day. How you're little “I hope the admins stay safe” means so much to us. I really hope you only experience happiness for the rest of your life. You’re a person I really appreciate and love. AS MUCH AS I LOVE JUN. HELL YEAH I SAID IT. hAHHAH Dont be afraid to come to me if you have any problem. I will always be here to talk to you and help you love ^^. Please take care of yourself too. DonT FUCKING SKIP MEALS. GET A LOT OF SLEEP OR IM GETTING CHAN AND JONGDAE. Ah im sorry if I didnt say a lot. I want to say a lot but I literally dont know what to say :””). I WILL MESSAGE YOU A LONG AS MESSAGE ON YOUR BDAY OR SOMETHING. I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY TO YOU GADBSVF ASNMK. For now, I love you and take care of yourself. You are loved by a lot and I hope your life gets filled with happiness and joy. Im also always here if you ever need to talk ^^

#not ask svt related #admin answered #sorry this took a while to answer #we love you sofia~ #starry-sof #re:admins #ask svt hearteu #svt #seventeen #svt asks

[thejonlife]

1, 4, 7, 8, 9, 11, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 23, 25, 26, 32, 33, 36, 42, 47, 49, 56, 57, 59, 62, 63, 66, 67, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 75, 78, 81, 83, 85 (Wanted to pick them all but I picked the ones that are better....... no pressure!)

vaguely nsfw asks

1. Are looks important in a relationship? To an extent of course but theres way more important stuff :]

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

3. Are you a virgin?

4. Are you in a relationship? i am not.

5. Are you in love?

6. Are you single this year?

7. Can you commit to one person? As much as i joke about wanting to be a hoe i dont think i can?

8. Describe your crush Shes an old co worker shes blonde nerdy and sweet to me.

9. Describe your perfect mate :oh i have no idea but i hope shes nice cool thinks im cute and is a nerd in her own way.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

11. Do you ever want to get married? Honestly i dont know i dont love marriage as an expensive social construct but i always imagined dying with someone you know?

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

13. Do you get jealous easily? Sometimes if her friend is taking up my attention ha but im understanding. 

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? Yes an old work buddy and a couple tumblr crushes :]

15. Do you have any piercings? Stretched ear lobes but i lost my left one in SF

16. Do you have any tattoos? No but im trying to set up an appointment today actually 

17. Do you like kissing in public? Definitely as long as its not intense PDA but im affectionate for sure. 

20. Do you shower every day?

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Of course im not a cheater.

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? This year compared to last year i would like to put myself out there but i believe in things happening organically.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes but im not sure how serious those words were and or they were back then.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? I was so in love in my last relationship that i couldnt tell she wasnt on my level so yes but thats life and that happens. 

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? I havent and i dont think i could but i know tons of great looking guys.

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? No actually and im lucky for that but i had a crush on a middle school friend because she always went out of her way to give me a hug :]

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Less than a minute if we know each other already but i am restrained if weve just met.

43. How long was your longest relationship?

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

47. How old are you? My birthday was this last wednesday and i turned 31 but ive been told i look younger than i am so thats great.

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? im single AF

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

55. Share a relationship story.

56. State 8 facts about your body I have a beard i wear glasses I am 5′7 i have brown eyes i have been told i have a nice nose i like my legs/thighs weird but theyre muscular kind of my ears are stretched and i wish i had bigger hands?

57. Things you want to say to an ex: I hope youre well.

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) I will do this later but bear with me im terrible at selfies :[

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Im a sucker for just touching period especially any that makes me feel manly.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”? Insertion?

64. What is your definition of cheating?

65. What is your favorite foreplay routine?

66. What is your favorite roleplay? I have never lol but itd be cool to pretend to be a sick patient and have them be a nurse.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? Brewery trip or a museum after we grab food and we go for a drive or a walk and we talk :]

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off? Mean or pessimistic or dirty people.

70. What turns you on? Nice legs and a sense of humor or a great smile

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? I wish i could remember ha ha ha ha but god those were awkward ill say if i remember eventually.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? Moaning and i was called daddy once and i didnt think id like that but i do also being called papi. If you just exclaim fuck thats super hot too.

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Fill out this form and or just text me to say hi or invite me out to drink or have dinner.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? A friend of mine just recently bought me one of those SNES classics :] my birthday sucked but my friend bough that for me months ago and i had no idea :0

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? Im almost certain i might be depressed or have some mental ailment because im always going through sadness but im okay right now oh and i ghosted somebody once and i felt terrible about that. Oh i also once accidentally broke somebodys drivers side mirror but karma got me last year. 

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

81. Who are five people you find attractive? Famous people? Gal Gadot Chrissy Teigen ashley graham and tons of other awesome people.

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

83. Who was your first kiss with? Ha ha ha im lame but my first kiss was my prom date senior year.

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? I have a crush on some people i follow on tumblr so of course :D ;]

Send me asks pls I'm bored : )

Why not?