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#i still deal w the emotional trauma of a deprived childhood not to mention i still deal w health problems to this very day
creatediana · 3 years
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“On Seeing Old Photos (Butterfly Needles)” - a poem written 6/18/2021
#2021#college years#dactylic meter#catalectic dactylic meter#dactylic dimeter#poetry#quatrains#form poetry#rhyme scheme#childhood poetry#chronic illness#spoonie poetry#i dont usually talk or even think a lot about my frequent childhood trips to the hospital#but i saw some pictures yesterday that made me feel some things#i didnt even remember taking those photos till i saw them#and i looked at them... they were on my mom's desk for some reason and she wasn't home#i hadn't seen them. i don't remember what they were taken for. i was in the emergency room. i knew they were being taken. i didnt care#i looked like a little child corpse and it felt so strange seeing that and im like oh. this was my life. no this IS my life.#i still deal w the emotional trauma of a deprived childhood not to mention i still deal w health problems to this very day#i dont write about it a lot. but every once in awhile... maybe once or twice a year... i just think about all that i never got to have#and i feel numb. i was numb about it at the time. i didnt even really think about all the innocence and freedom i was missing.#it took at least until i was in middle school to realize wait that wasnt normal. and then i had even more... to go through#middle school was another hard time#it's also hard bc i look exactly the same as when i was a child just older. same freckled face same long wavy red hair#i dont even like wear makeup or alter my hair or do anything to make me even a little bit different i just look *slightly* more like an adul#t....... a few weeks ago i went to have blood drawn (i also did on wednesday as i mentioned in the piece)#but the woman a few weeks ago asked if i was old enough to sign for myself even tho i had to give her my date of birth#to confirm my identity/insurance#lol. p sure most if not all ppl born in april of 1999 are around 22 now? or at least over 18. idk i might be wrong#anyway i dont even see myself in that girl like i cant believe i was there and yet i felt... like i could walk around in that room all over
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💫Moreid Masterlist
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GIF by @criminalmindsvibez​
Hurt/Comfort or Angst with a Happy Ending
🌊Still Left With the River
Derek wakes up to find his boyfriend crying on the sofa. Cue the hurt, the comfort, and the fluff.
1.6k, hurt/comfort, fluff, caretaker!derek, autistic spencer, crying, sad spencer
🌳Trees and Seas Have Flown Away, I Call it Loving You
Derek says something hurtful, but it happens to lead to just about the best thing that’s ever happened to Spencer.
3.2k, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, fighting/making up, angst with a happy ending, autistic spencer, coming out, getting together
🍓A Chronicle of Loss
5 people Spencer Reid lost and 1 person he gained. A look at the traumas Spencer faces over the series, and giving him the happy ending he deserves.
3.6k, grief, loss, abandonment issues, insecurity, depression, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, getting together, ‘didn’t know they were dating’, protective derek, autistic spencer
🍯Honeysuckle
The BAU decide to head out for a picnic one summer afternoon, but they’re soon rudely interrupted by a bee sting and anaphylactic shock. Seeing Spencer carted off in an ambulance is not exactly how they expected the day to go.
2.3k, whump, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, hurt spencer, friendship, medical conditions, severe allergic reactions
🌙The Noiseless Crash of Crumbling Walls
After Derek and Spencer are paired up on a science project in their senior year of high school, they become the closest, most unlikely friends possible. But what happens when Derek finally finds out what Spencer's dealing with at home? Inspired by the prompt “where did you get those bruises?”
4.5k, high school au, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, hurt spencer, protective derek, abuse, friendship, pre-slash, spencer just turned 16, derek is almost 18
🔥The Insistent Burn of a Falling Heart  - part two
Derek is hopelessly in love with his childhood best friend, and he can't even escape him at home, since they're living together while they study at Cal Tech. He's resigned himself to a miserable, Spencer-less fate until lasagne, bad memories, and a whole lot of crying bring the real truth out into the open.
4.2k, hurt!spencer, fluff, angst with a happy ending, mutual pining, getting together, college au, first kiss, misunderstandings 
💔let him be soft (and let him be mine) part one // part two
After Derek pulls another self-sacrificing stunt at the culmination of their most recent case, Spencer runs out of their apartment as he desperately grapples with how it makes him feel. (Collab with @criminalmindsvibez​! You can find her complimentary edit here.)
2.4k, hurt/comfort, crying, abandonment issues, injured!derek, hurt!spencer, miscommunication, angst with a happy ending, fluff, protective!derek
🪦how the cold numbs everything but grief
Six days after Emily dies, Spencer finds himself soaked in freezing water, catatonic on the bathroom floor. Only Derek can ease the roaring, burning, demanding agony of this grief.
1.2k, grief/mourning, emily’s ‘death’ in season six, hurt!spencer, hurt!derek, hurt/comfort, angst with a hopeful ending (serious tw for grief here)
✨storm-darkened or starry bright 
Spencer contracts HIV. It all falls apart after that.
6.5k, angst, illness, hurt!spencer, hurt/comfort, worried derek, depression, mutual pining, getting together, angst w a happy ending
⛈this heavy humanness
Spencer leaves the oven on overnight, and Derek - whose pent-up emotions get the best of him - loses it, exposing secrets neither of them expected to be spilled, for two very different reasons. They get there in the end.
3.9k, est. rel., past abuse, arguing & making up, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, miscommunication hurt spencer
💤I turn and reach for you
Three months after Hankel, Spencer starts getting terrible nightmares that keep him up at night. He tries desperately to keep his secret until one day when it's all too much to bear anymore. Luckily, Derek Morgan is there to hold him together as he falls apart.
2.1k, nightmares, hurt/comfort, ptsd, angst with a happy ending, fluff, literal sleeping together, getting together, post-revelations
Pure Fluff
🌒when I fall asleep (it is your eyes that I close)
Spencer’s not been sleeping, and as much as Derek adores his sleepy clinginess and physical affection, as soon as they get home he’s determined to get to the bottom of it.
1.9k, fluff, hurt/comfort, sleep-deprivation, clingy!spencer, physical affection, anxiety, cuddling
🎄A Christmas Like This
Spencer has a very specific plan for their first Christmas in their new house, and it has to be absolutely perfect. Derek’s going to do everything in his power to make his boyfriend as happy as possible, even if that means a house covered in garlands and a tree covered in animal skeletons…
2.9k, fluff, christmas fic, est relationship, neurodivergence, romance, domesticity, day in the life
💍my heart talks about nothing but you
Derek finds Spencer staring longingly at dancing newlyweds while on a case and once he gets to the bottom of why he’s tasked with making a proposal to a man who knows it’s coming special somehow. (He pulls it off.)
2.5k, established relationship, hurt/comfort, minor angst, fluff, relationship discussions, proposal, protective derek
✨I told the stars about you - part two
Derek and Spencer have their first date. They dance to Frank Sinatra and cuddle in an ice cream parlour, before kissing the hell out of each other at Spencer's front door. That's pretty much it. (Prequel to above fic.)
2.1k, first date, first kiss, pure tooth-rotting fluff, dancing, flirting, protective derek
🎂I can’t hold enough of you in my hands - part three
Derek and Spencer are finally getting married and the rest of the BAU are there to help them through every step of the day. Including a little surprise that Derek has up his sleeve for their first dance. (Third part to the above two fics.)
3.1k, tooth-rotting fluff, marriage/wedding day, team as family, team dynamics, domesticity, paternal hotch, maternal alex, just a whole lotta love man
🔪Shovel Talk
Hotch and Emily find out about Derek's relationship with Spencer and decide it's time for a chat.
1.5k, fluff, humour, est. rel., protective!derek, emily, and hotch, relationship reveal, mentions of past hurt spencer
📚I’ll (Never) Know What It’s Like Not to Love You
Spencer finds his old journals in the attic, and he and Derek reminisce on the days they used to pine for one another. Luckily, those days are over, and they have forever ahead of them.
1.3k, tooth-rotting domestic fluff, past mutual pining, past hurt!spencer, cuddling & snuggling, late canon
Getting Together
🌨Even More Beautiful
The BAU is stuck in Michigan with no case and no way home, so naturally, Spencer and Derek confess their love for one another. (Based on the prompt ‘You look even more beautiful covered in snow.’)
3.5k, fluff, love confessions, shy spencer, insecurity, hurt/comfort
🎧Hear it in the Silence
A short, fluffy chronicle of Spencer realising in increments how in love with Derek he is, and navigating a real, beautifully sweet relationship that's not always smooth sailing, especially since he's been hurt before. (Based on Taylor Swift’s You are in Love.)
3.7k, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, dev relationship, tw past abuse, domesticity
🎅🏼Secret Santa
Penelope rigs the BAU’s Secret Santa game to finally get Derek and Spencer together with extraordinary success, and they have her to thank for their future first date. Oh, and a sprig of mistletoe nearly throws the whole thing out the window.
2.8k, fluff, getting together, insecurity/anxiety, christmas fic, first kiss, misunderstandings, friendship
🌳The One Constant
Derek wakes up after having his appendix removed with temporary amnesia from the anesthesia, and Spencer certainly isn't prepared for the man he's pined after for four years to a) not recognise him, and b) start flirting with him. It all works out in the end, with a little help from Hotch.
4k, hurt/comfort, fluff, mutual pining, insecure spencer, flirting, getting together, misunderstandings, first kiss
☕️i’ll retire my bones to make you tea and read you poetry
Derek doesn't exactly expect to invite a sleepy Spencer over for a movie night after a case, but his blinding smile in response makes him happy he did. The kiss they share the next morning makes him even happier.
3.6k, fluff, getting together, cuddling, insecure!spencer, pet names, mutual pining, light hurt/comfort, first kiss, love confessions
Embarrassed!Spencer Drabble
A misunderstanding at a BAU get together has Spencer embarrassed and a long-awaited kiss finally happening.
1.2k, fluff, angst, getting together, first kiss
AU
📚100
Spencer's an academic researcher who spends every morning at his local library. Derek just happens to drop by one Tuesday and ask the pretty boy in the classics section if he can help him find a book. Sparks fly.
2.1k, library au, fluff, meet-cute, pining, shy spencer, coming out
💣Mayhem
Imagine that scene in S4E1 when Derek is driving the ambulance loaded with a bomb about to explode, except it’s Spencer on the other end of the phone and they finally get their shit together.
4.2k, canon divergence, spencer is the tech analyst, getting together, mutual pining, insecure spencer, angst with a happy ending, fluff, declarations of love
🧑🏻‍🦽 dry me off and hold me close
Derek has finally relented and is bringing his boyfriend Spencer to meet the rest of the team. That means, though, he has to finally tell them about his boyfriend's disability. Terrified that they'll react badly, he puts it off until he can't anymore. Turns out he was worried for nothing
5.7k, so much fluff, protective derek, disabled spencer, caretaker derek, spencer is not in the bau, team as family, hurt/comfort, light angst, est. rel, chronic illness, slice of life: disabled edition
💐I’ll bloom for you (while my heart still cries)
(Based on the age-old tumblr prompt) "Sometimes I steal flowers from your garden on my way to the cemetery and today you've caught me and insisted on coming with me to make sure the 'girl is pretty enough to warrant flower theft' and I'm trying to figure out how to break it to you that we're on our way to a graveyard."
3.7k, fluff, meet-cute, au: student spencer, fbi agent derek, hacker penelope, grief & mourning, shy spencer, getting together, mutual pining
🌖This Gravitational Pull
Penelope Garcia sets her two best friends Derek & Spencer up on a blind first date. Even with the best intentions and highest expectations, no-one could've predicted it would go quite this well.
2.9k, fluff, first date, au: diff first meeting, shy spencer, insecurity, anxiety, flirting, cuddling, protective derek, silly amounts of affection
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