#i still do at times but i think that ive gotten better about it tbh! i dont want to act weird still lol but at least i know that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

todayisawthewhxlewxrld · 6 months

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"are you longing, is it Killing Time?"

"if i’m honest, think i want it. no more talking, no more nonsense."

synopsis// you work at a ballet studio and suna works at the karate dojo next door.

pairing// rintaro suna x gn!reader

word count// 3.9k

contents// ooc suna? idk he's like kinda smug in this... ive never written for him before so heed my warning. slight enemies to lovers but like kinda not really. osamu's obligatory accent. plot kinda speaks for itself i have no other warnings besides the fact that this kinda (majorly) sucks...

requested// by an anon!! im SO sorry this took me so long to write!!

notes// i know i said id never write for haikyuu again but i lied ok? take it. do what you will with this. sorry if this is all over the place... i feel very out of my element writing for haikyuu again LMFAO. also if anything mentioned about karate or ballet is wrong sorry!! i took ballet ONCE and taken karate never xoxo tbh i think the plot probably wouldve worked better as an smau but im not doin all that (respectfully.) anywho this was also inspired by killing time by movements (TOOOO GOOODDDDD)

Classical music and the whispers of the kids eight-counting their steps echo throughout the room. Everything is peaceful and as it should be... That is, until the mirror walls begin to vibrate violently from the sudden blaring of music from the studio next to yours. All the kids turn to look at you, confused about what’s happening, and you flash them a small apologetic smile.

“You guys keep practicing, okay? I'm gonna go next door and ask them to turn it down.”

Satisfied with your guidance, they nod, and you quickly walk out. Though not comfortable leaving a bunch of children unsupervised, you leave your studio door open to make sure that you’re still able to hear them from outside. You sigh before walking into the next studio; frankly, you had gotten this far without having to interact with anyone else, and you just wished it would stay that way. Neither the kids nor their instructor seem to notice your presence. And even though you clear your throat, no one hears you.

“Excuse me!”

Suddenly all heads are turning toward you, and you reflexively dig your feet into the floor to stop yourself from running back out. Their instructor waves the kids off, having them go back to practicing whatever karate move he had just taught them before walking up to you.

"Can I help you?” he says, his eyes boring into yours.

And suddenly. Suddenly, you hate him. Or, at the very least, strongly dislike him. He blasts his music, knowing damn well the walls are thin, and then has the audacity to give you attitude?

“Are you gonna say something, or are you just gonna stand there all day?” He stops and briefly looks you up and down, a small smirk playing on his face. "Actually, I wouldn’t mind that.”

Your jaw clenches, giving him the nicest smile you very well could muster. “Can you turn down your music? It’s distracting my kids.”

He hums and appears to consider it for a moment, and you're almost grateful—almost, because then he has to open his stupid mouth again.

“Maybe if you say please.”

Your eye twitches. "Okay, you know what? Nevermind." You glance over at his students briefly, making sure they aren't looking at the two of you, and when you confirm that they aren't, you flip him off, and all he does is laugh. You groan, and if you could slam his studio door shut without the glass shattering, you would.

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

To no one’s surprise, he didn't stop playing his music at full volume—he claimed it pumped the kids up, and sure, maybe it did, but all it did was distract your own. And eventually, you two somehow fell into a game of who could play whose music louder. Considering your music consisted of different ballet numbers, it's safe to say he always won.

Week after week, you'd show up in his studio and ask him to just turn his music off, to lower the volume, to do something other than drive you crazy, but all he'd do was poorly flirt and smirk, his eyes always on you one way or another, and if you weren't so annoyed by him, you’re sure you would have found him captivating. It's not surprising when one day he’s the one showing up at your studio—you're actually excited about it, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he’s finally given up and is here to apologize. When you approach him and find all his students outside behind him, you quickly realize that's not the case. You glance between him and the kids.

“You guys go in and make friends, yeah?” You say as you move out the way to allow his students into your studio. You wait until they're all inside before stepping out and closing the door behind you. You whisper harshly, “What the fuck do you want?”

"Wow, you use that kind of language around your students?” He asks, his smirk all too evident on his face as he crosses his arms.

You stare at him blankly, no amusement etched on any of your features, and he awkwardly clears his throat.

“Our studio flooded.”

“Okay… What does that have to do with me?"

His shoulders slump as he groans. "Oh, c’mon.”

“How am I supposed to know what you want if you won't use your words like a big boy?” you ask, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

He glares at you, and for once, it seems like you're the one getting under his skin. “Fuck you.”

You mockingly tut and shake your head. "Wow, you use that kind of language around your kids?”

He stands there and kicks at the sidewalk, clearly having some internal debate you don’t care enough to ask about, but he tells you anyway.

“Would you… be willing to share your studio with us until they fix our studio?”

Without missing a beat, you laugh. “Yeah no. I don't even know your name... What if you're some serial killer?”

“First of all, it's Rintaro Suna. Second of all, do you really think they would hire me to work around kids if I was a serial killer?”

You shrug. You don’t care about the logistics; you just don’t want him in your studio.

“And third of all, seriously?” He crosses his arms, and his tone is full of the kind of disappointment you'd only find in a friend who’s been betrayed—not in between two strangers who’ve done nothing but “fight” about music for weeks on end.

“Yes seriously. Can’t you find a new studio?”

“Owner says it’s more expensive to do that than fix whatever got fucked up.”

“Then find someone else to share with,” you say as you turn to walk back into your studio.

Suna grabs your wrist, and as you look over your shoulder at him, he pouts. "Are you really gonna take this out on the kids just because you hate me?”

You stare at him blankly, but the more you think about it and let what he’s said sink in, the softer your face becomes, and suddenly your conviction is nowhere to be found—just another leaf blown away in the wind. “How did your studio flood?”

Happy with how you don’t seem like you're about to escape off into your studio anymore, Suna lets go of your wrist and starts explaining, “Well, one kid clogged the toilet and the other left the sink running.”

“Deserved,” you say through a snort.

“Whatever. Are you gonna share or not?”

“Fine,” you sigh. "But I swear to god, Suna, the second you piss me off or don’t listen, I'm kicking your ass out. This is still my studio.”

"Technically, it’s not even yours.”

You stare at him blankly, eyes narrowed, and Suna can immediately tell you’re already thinking about taking back your offer of letting him stay in your studio.

He coughs awkwardly. "I'll shut up now.”

“Good choice.”

A beat passes between the two of you just staring at each other, and when Suna realizes you won't say anything more, he takes the initiative.

Tilting his head at you, he asks, "So, are you gonna tell me your name now?”

You continue staring at him blankly.

"Oh, cmon, we’re gonna be sharing a studio now.”

“It's Y/n L/n.”

"Well, Y/n,” he says, somewhat dragging out your name before teasing, "I always knew you had a soft spot for me.”

"I have a soft spot for the kids, not you,” you correct him, crossing your arms.

“Keep telling yourself that,” he says, brushing your shoulder with his as he walks past you and into your studio.

“Don’t just walk into my studio like you own it?!" you call out, following after him.

“Not your studio, and you don’t own it either.”

“You know what I mean, Suna!”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

It's almost scary how easily Suna and his students fit into your class. It didn’t even take a week for you to feel like having him in your studio was natural—how it should have always been. You hated how any ill-will you had toward him would suddenly vanish into thin air whenever you saw him interact with his or your students. You grew accustomed to your new routine with him.

Every other day, he could play his music and even teach some of your students some karate if they so desired, and vice versa. He’d bring you breakfast, and you'd bring him lunch, and sometimes the two of you would even go have dinner once all your students had left. You hated how he just wiggled his way into your life. You’re supposed to hate him—he used to play his music as loud as he could just to piss you off, and now you have dinner with him practically every day.

You’ve grown so fond of him that now, two months later, about to be three, you've completely forgotten why he’s here in the first place—that his residence in your studio is only temporary, and he’s just here till his studio is fixed. You’ve forgotten all about it because now you look forward to seeing him and actually want to see him more than you've ever wanted anything else before. and he feels the exact same because here he is, slumped in a chair in the back of the room, frowing as he watches his and your students combined because you’re not here.

The door swings open, and Suna can't help but let out a sigh of relief, practically jumping out of his seat, ready to go run and spin you in his arms like some shitty rom-com, only to find that it wasn't you who walked in; nope, it was just his friend. Suna’s face falls as he drops back into his chair with a groan.

“Okay, lovely to see ya too,” Osamu snorts as he walks over to Suna, taking the seat next to him.

He weakly tries pushing Osamu out of the chair, mumbling, “That’s Y/n’s seat.”

"Well, they aren't here, are they?”

Suna scowls at him but gives up trying to push him out nonetheless.

“Where are they anyway?”

“Running late, I guess.”

Osamu hums in response, and a comfortable silence falls over them. The only noise in the room was the kids whispering their next move to themselves or helping their friend with something. Suna watches them intently, with the care and attention of someone handling glass, and quickly finds a few students who need help.

"Hey, keep your leg straight when you kick,” he calls out to one of his students before turning to one of yours, “And you bend your knees more when you do your... uh-“

"Plié," the child supplies for him.

Suna nods. "Yeah, that whatever.”

Osamu doesn't know whether he should laugh at or side-eye Suna. “Do ya not know their names?”

"I don’t get paid enough to know their names.”

He shakes his head, deciding that commenting on that is not worth his time, and instead goes to why he came here in the first place. "I'm surprised yer still here, to be honest.”

"A job is a job.”

"No, I mean in this studio. I figured the repairs in yer’s would be finished by now; it’s been like, what? almost three months?”

Suna mumbles a slow, drawn-out, “…yeah.”

Osamu sits up straight, shifting in his seat to face Suna entirely. “What the fuck was that?”

“Don’t cuss in front of the kids; what’s wrong with you?" He reprimands, slapping Osamu’s arm.

“Don’t change the subject.”

"I'm not; I'm just saying.”

Osamu rolls his eyes. "Okay, well, start by saying what’s up with the repairs.”

He does not. “Y/n will be back soon; you should leave.”

“Suna,” Osamu monotones.

"If I tell you, will you leave?”

“What did ya do, Suna?”

Suna looks away as he embarrassedly mumbles, “The repairs could’ve been done a long, long time ago…”

“What?!” Osamu practically shrieks as he sits up straight. “What do ya mean?!”

Suna glares at Osamu before looking toward the kids, whose attentions were caught by Osamu yelling and waving them off. “Ignore him.”

“Oh my god, have ya been stalling the repairs?” He asks, this time quietly. “Why would ya do that?”

“Why do you think, Osamu?”

Suna’s attitude does nothing to deter Osamu, not when he’s just had the realization of a lifetime. “Oh my god... Oh my god! Ya have a crush on Y/n, don't ya?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Suna hisses through clenched teeth, his eyes wide and threateningly boring into his.

“What happened to not cussing in front of the kids?”

Suna stares at him blankly, and Osamu merely sighs, slumping back into his seat.

"I can't believe this. I don't know if this is pathetic or cute—kinda both, to be honest.”

"Osamu, I swear-“

With neither of them having heard the studio door swing open, you unknowingly interrupt his threat: "Hey! Sorry, traffic was horrible—oh, who’s this?"

“Doesn't matter; he was just about to leave,” Suna says without missing a beat while standing straight up.

"I'm Osamu,” he says, suddenly approaching you. “And yer the infamous Y/n, I'm assuming?”

“Infamous..?” you question under your breath before shaking your head and deciding to ignore it. “Uh yeah—are you friends with Suna?”

“No.”

“Yes,” Osamu answers, ignoring Suna’s response. "I should get going, though. Nice meeting ya, Y/n!”

“Yeah, you too…”

Osamu waves you goodbye before winking at Suna and disappearing out the door.

You hum. “So what was that about?”

“No idea,” Suna shrugs as he walks away to gather his students.

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

Suna has been weird ever since a week ago, when you walked into the studio to Suna and his friend. He’s avoided you as best as he can, and even when he’s not actively trying to somehow get away from you, he still feels Pluto far from his more than dry replies. And frankly, you’ve had enough. You’re driving yourself crazy trying to figure out what you’ve done wrong and how to fix it—you can’t know unless he tells you.

Which is why, when both of your students left, you borderline kidnapped him. You grabbed him by his arm and dragged him into your car, driving the two of you to a restaurant, where you now sit in an awkward silence waiting for your food. But this is good, right? If he truly didn’t want to be in this position with you right now, you’re more than certain he could’ve put up a winning fight, yet he didn't, so that’s good. This is good.

"Did I do something?”

“Yeah,” he replies without missing a beat or looking up at you.

“Huh?” Your heart is in your throat as you blink at him. “What did I do?”

“Exist.”

“What?” You shake your head in disbelief. "I thought we were getting along."

“We are—god.” As he finally looks up at you, he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. You almost feel like you're back in his studio for the very first time with the way his eyes are boring into yours. “We get along too well, jesus christ, Y/n, you drive me crazy.”

“And you don’t drive me crazy?” you ask, giving him a crooked smile.

“You don't know what you’re saying,” he says flatly, yet the way it’s almost breathless has you thinking maybe he actually wants you to know what you’re saying—to know all of the implications that come with it and fully embrace them.

“Does it matter? Just stop ignoring me, Suna; I hate it.”

"I hate it too.”

“So then why are you doing it, idiot?”

“Because Y/n, I-“

You stare at him expectantly, patiently waiting for his answer.

"I get too distracted with you; I need to teach my students," he mumbles the rest of his sentence as he looks away from you, your scrutinizing gaze sending shivers down his spine and crushing any idea he had to say something else—say the truth—well, the whole truth, because you very well do distract Suna far too much for his liking.

“That sounds like a shitty excuse.”

Suna hums, and when he makes no move to explain himself, you wonder, “Why do I distract you so much?”

“Why do you care if I ignore you so much?”

You roll your eyes. “Don’t act childish, Suna.”

Suna merely raises an eyebrow at you, still waiting for your answer, just like you were waiting for his only a few moments ago.

You sigh. "I'm not sure.”

"Well, I am, so I won’t say anything until you're sure too.”

“That’s not fair, Sunaaaa,” you whine, sliding down your seat like a petulant child.

He shrugs, a slight smirk on his face. "I'm more than happy to wait.”

"Whatever, just stop ignoring me?”

"Yeah, I'll stop,” he says, nodding. “Sorry bout that.”

"S'fine." You wave him off before remembering something that makes you sit up straight again. "Oh, also, I've been meaning to ask about how your studio is going?”

Suna’s mood and face drop so fast that it’s as if he was never even happy or smiling in the first place—the temperature of the room suddenly icy cold. “Oh.”

"I'm not trying to kick you out, Suna,” you immediately add, reassuring him that, as of now, that's the last thing you’d ever want to do. "I actually like you in my studio... like a lot, I guess, and I don't know, to be honest, I'm scared I'm getting too used to you being there."

"Well, I'm already used to it, so either way, we’re both kinda fucked in that department.”

You can't help but smile so wide it hurts your cheeks, absolutely over the moon that he feels the exact same way. That he’s grown so used to you, like the two of you should have never been apart in the first place, and it was always only a matter of time before you found your way to each other.

"I'm not sure, though. I haven’t heard much,” he continues, interrupting your inner swooning.

"Okay, well, that’s good then,” you say, nodding more to yourself than to him. “No need to get rid of you so soon; who else will annoy me?”

"Weren't you just begging me to stop ignoring you, and now I'm annoying?” he taunts.

You cross your arms, glaring at him. "I was not begging Rintaro Suna.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Shut up," you say through a smile, no hostility anywhere in you. “Oh also! The kids wanted me to tell you about our recital coming up.”

“Yeah? When is it?”

“Week from now. They really want you there.”

Suna tilts his head slightly to the side, his eyes narrowing at you in doubt. “Just them?”

“Just them.”

Suna doesn't believe it for a second, and maybe he would’ve if your voice wasn't so shakey and breathless.

You relent; you never had much resolve when it came to him anyway—that's how he ended up in your studio in the first place, isn't it? “And me too, I guess.”

A blush that he makes look all too good covers his cheeks. "I'd love to go, Y/n.”

“Great!”

Suddenly his face drops, and he’s cursing under his breath, "Shit, wait, actually, we have a tournament that day too.”

"Oh, that's fine! I mean, being in the studio with us, it's like you get a free recital every day, right?” You smile, but even then, it's clear as day how disappointed you are.

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I can still try to make it.”

“No no! It's fine; you won't miss much. You have your own kids stuff to worry about.”

Suna frowns, wanting nothing more than to wipe that dejected look off your face. “Y/n.”

"Suna, it's fine, really." You weakly try to reassure him, but he’s just not budging.

He shakes his head. "I'll make it up to you, I promise.”

“Okay, I'll hold you to it then.”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

The recital came faster than you cared for. You would be excited for this had Suna been able to come, but he couldn't, and now, even though you know he won't be here, you still can't help but peek through the stage curtains, hoping and praying you'll somehow spot him in the crowd. You try to keep your disappointment at bay the whole recital, and surprisingly you do. The recital goes off without a hitch, and the only thing you can wish for is that you were more excited. Your little ones did absolutely amazing and completely blew the crowd away, yet here you are moping around over some dude who, up until a few months ago, you hated.

“They did amazing,” an oddly familiar voice says, breaking you out of your thoughts. "I'm sure it's only because of their teacher... Do you know them? I'm actually looking for them.”

You're flattered, really, but you can't deal with compliments or holding a conversation right now, not when you want to just crawl under your bed covers and never come out. Not to mention that no one else is supposed to be backstage right now. You sigh before turning around to ask them to leave, only to practically jump out of your skin with excitement.

“Suna!” you exclaim happily, running your way toward him and closing some of the gap between you two. “You’re here, but how? Where were you? I looked, and I couldn't find you—wait, I thought? Where's your kids? Shouldn't you be at their tournament?”

Suna watches you ramble with the softest of faces, huffing a small laugh. He shrugs once you're done. “Samu took over.”

“Rintaro Suna.”

“What? The little shits will get over it… but I don't think you would've if I didn't show up.”

"Well, I would've tried.” You take another step toward him. "Though I can't say you're not a smart man, Rintaro.”

Suna eyes you curiously and follows your movements, taking a step toward you. “So I've been told.”

You roll your eyes, despite an undeniable smile dressing your face, and in some fit of arrogance, you take the last step toward Suna, thus closing any remaining space between the two of you. With your chests touching, there’s nothing left for you to do but wrap your arms around his neck, which you do with ease—as if they were always meant to be there this whole time. He quickly follows your lead, resting his hands on your waist. But his eyebrows are furrowed as if to ask if this is okay, and you nod. This is more than okay—you’d actually prefer more, and it doesn’t seem like he’s getting the hint.

“So are you gonna kiss me, or are you just gonna stand there all day?"

Suna goes wide-eyed, and it takes a minute for his body to catch up with his brain, but before you know it, Suna is practically slamming his face into yours, kissing you like if he doesn't, he’ll die. like you’re the very oxygen Suna has been so desperately searching for all his life—and who's to say he isn't yours as well? Meeting his lips with the same exact urgency, you're sure if anyone else was backstage right now, the two of you would be scolded for years to come. Suna pulls away for air, practically panting; his face is flushed with such a deep red you can still make it out even under the dim lights, and you push strands of his hair out of his face just to revel in his blush some more.

Still struggling to catch his breath, he swallows harshly. “Would it ruin the moment if I told you my studio is finally fixed?”

"Yes, so I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that and keep kissing you instead.”

"Yeah, ok, I like that idea better anyway.”

©TODAYISAWTHEWHXLEWXRLD

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu fluff #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #suna rintarou #suna x reader #suna rintarō #suna rintaro haikyuu #suna rintaro x reader #suna haikyuu #haikyuu suna #suna fluff #rintaro suna #bimbo’s one shots #bimbo’s one shots; haikyuu

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siarven · 1 month

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QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

It's been ages since I got tagged in sth like this?? Thank you very much @zbdragons :DD (Also I want to see your dragon arts??) (also sorry I forgot this in my drafts for a hot second dklldk)

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

I don't think so? My parents chose my birth name bc they liked the sound. My chosen name chose me lmao. I want to keep the masc version of my birth name around as second name, but I think it's less bc it's related to my old name and more bc I like the sound of it, and it makes Mama happy :>

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Not sure! It was probably at a fictional story? ive managed to fix my mental health enough to no longer have regular crises :') <3

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

nope, don't ever want any either

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

started out with gymnastics when i was ~6 (probably bc baby me started climbing street lights bc our trees were too smol xD), then switched to tennis due to external circumstances and stuck with it until I moved for uni. Here the distances are all much bigger so going everywhere by bike was enough daily sports (30-40km/day), but then the pandemic happened. Now i have dumbbells and a yoga mat in my room and do stretches and (body)weight things most days bc all my 'things why i need to leave the house' are 25+km away. i am ok with going 20km one way but not more than that xD

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

sometimes! depends on the people. i did it sooo much around my brother when i still lived at home, but these days i think it's gotten pretty rare

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

vibes, i think? Are You Potentially Friend Shaped? :333

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

hazel/somewhere between green and brown depending on the light

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

happy endings... i like scary things, but i dislike most horror films. they have the wrong horror vibes xD

ANY TALENTS?

i am good at learning music by ear + play flute and piccolo very well (this is prob bc Mama taught me how to learn music at a young age). It's so nice to have One Thing I am not self conscious about, esp bc it isn't tied to money or anything. These days it comes fairly effortless and I love playing and learning new pieces, and bc my orchestra appreciates me I get to play piccolo + solo parts too. I also used to be very good at singing but i am on hrt now and idk how that's gonna develop xD

I also write stuff and draw things and I do the drawing thing professionally/plan on doing so, at least (rn it's just small things on the side and wouldn't pay the bills). But neither feels like a talent bc everyone I started out with was better at it than me when we were kids. They just stopped doing it. Idk. Success through persistence and spite... both my art and writing feel extremely average (derogatory) most of the time, but I guess we will see if i manage to succeed anyway dklldkd

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Hannover (Germany); moved away for uni

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

flute/piccolo in my orchestra; going for walks with my camera; wildlife photography; hiking; learning about nature and the names of animals and plants + trivia; writing/reading fantasy books; watercolour painting; reading and watching good stories of any genre tbh; reading/watching nonfiction things on nature/history/paleontology/humanity. Wanna learn ALL

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

no :( but my flatmate has a snake! his name is momo and i love him!

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

173cm

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

history (bc of the teacher); english (the years my teacher was good); art (surpriseee /j)

DREAM JOB?

concept artist for stories with heavy (fantasy) worldbuilding; illustrator (I do that already as a freelancer but it would not pay the bills). Also I would love love love to be a published author but in my head the art and writing side of things are kinda deeply related, so both pls

tagging @ettawritesnstudies @corishadowfang @lady-redshield-writes @raiswanson @kittensartswriting @monika-in-wonderland @tundra-tiger @unfocused-overwriter @big-urchin-energy @antignocchiphase @mando-ah-damn if any of you want to (no pressure), and also anyone else who wants to, I don't remember anymore who is doing tag games xD

#tag game #tagging game #about me #i guess

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jackienautism · 2 months

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I just saw that post about your thoughts on the counselors and I'm curious, have there been any major changes since then?

i just skimmed the post youre talking abt (i write a lot huh) but honestly? i haven't had TOO many major changes since. JUST REALIZED ITS COMING UP TO AYEAR SINCE I POSTED IT IN MAY? THATS SO CRAZY TO ME WTF but anyway

nvm ill read through exactly what i said. the post is here btw

dylan: still pretty much the same opinion as back then LMAO i did have a more recent convo abt dylan (which def changed some thoughts abt him. esp related to his potential adhd and lack of a filter) but i stilll don't like him, sorry

nick: same thoughts as before honestly. i still think he doesn't deserve abi in the slightest. and his involvement w/ emma's dare still makes me very upset, ESP when the fanbase refuses to acknowledge his involvement in it lol. i dont doubt that racism comes into play w/ nick and his whole lack of a story and such, but i jut. i cant stand him

jacob: i take back the flip flop thing btw. i lowkey cant stand him. but to be honest:? ive gotten WAAAY less tolerant of male characters in general lately. and jacob is not exempt from this lol. i have yet to play TQ again (it's been quite a bit) but! maybe after we play tonight things will change. ill prob rb again if things do

ryan: HOWEVER. DO YOU KNOW /IS/ EXEMPT FROM MY "I HATE ALL MALE CHARACTERS" MINDSET? RYAN ERZAHLER. 100%. i love him lots and ppl r very mean to him fo r no reason. i talked abt this briefly in my angourie!cady post but just. when characters show certain autistic traits that YOU ALL cant deal w/ or understand, suddenly theyre a shitty person? they don't care abt their friends? theyre boring? KILLS YOU

max: he also is a pretty respectable guy to me i love you max. but as i said originally. i dont rly think abt him much

emma: she def had the biggest shift for me while playing the game for the first time!!!!! but in terms of like. if anything changed from when i wrote the original note? i dont rly think so tbh. reread waht i wrot eback then it rly makes it seem like i hate her 😭😭😭😭😭 I PROMISE I DONT..... I ACTUALLY LOVE HER SO MUCH...... SHE MEANS A LOT TO ME....... i just cant stand how she acts towards abi sometimes. def my biggest criticism of her. but at the same time. i understand WHY she acts the way she does. she means sooo muchto me. and esp seeing all your talk abt autistic emma? i just think that makes sooo much sense fo rher.and i LOVE it so much

kaitlyn: i dont even feel lik e going throuhg it all but. i feel like she may have gotten a little lower since i wrote that post? just bc i tjhink toooo many ppl think shes better than she actually is bc of her association w/ dylan? it pisses me off sooooo bad. and ive made posts abt this before but like. her character in general still aggravates me 😭 and i DO still stand by what i said in that og post. theres jsut... shes not that complex sorry guys. esp compared to EMILY? lLIKE. i know its unfair to compare the 2 but its pretty damn obvious that thye were going for another emily in kaitlyn lmao and they FAILED. MISERABLY

abi: oh.. abi oh abi i love you. i still hold her so close to me. she is so me for real (beats anyone up who says tjhat she's Them) i mean who said that

laura: LOVE U LAURA!!!!!!!!! i still dont have like TOO many in depth thouhgts abt her but just. know ever since i began roleplaying as her shes become THAT much more beloved and :] i love you girl

THAJK YOU FOR SENIDNG THIS IN!!!! AND SORRY FOR TAKING A BIT TO ANSWER

#mine #text #asks #marigoidz #my thoughts #the quarry #my TQ tag #TQ

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yasminewestbank · 4 months

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all movie asks answers from the ask meme post bc it was fun

Your favorite movie released this year DIDNT WATCH ANY 2023 MOVIES YET.. CRIES

A movie you think is underrated - obliged to say An Elephant Sitting Still by hu bo bc i can never find it in dvd stores and i unfortunately honestly dont know if i will find a screening of it in a cinema available to me ever again but i dream of it

A movie you think is overrated - going to put two, one new and one classic. first one is parasite. im bitter abt this movie bc it was advertised like crazy and the reviews were so hyping and then i went and it was average. its not a bad movie but not only doesnt deserve the hype the hype ruined it for me bc if i went with the proper expectations i wouldnt have gotten so disappointed. a classic is alphaville of godard... obviously its a good movie and im sure it was groundbreaking at the time but by now the story doesnt feel as sophisticated bc this genre of story is at this point.. i wouldnt say overdone bc its still a great genre but its not fresh or suprising by now without making it more complex. this movie felt like a blueprint to the 1984 book soviet dystopia genre so it didnt keep up with the times. many classic movies are still exciting and fresh just like when they came out including other movies of godard but this isn't one of them. but i can also see how it was probably one of godard's top commercial movies, bc it was easier to digest and more basic than his other work

A movie you like but wouldn't recommend - stalker of tarkovsky and tarkovsky movies in general bc i think it would probs be boring to most ppl (its slow and not much plot) + tarkovsky movies r slow and the kind of movies u have to watch in the movie theater

A movie musical you like - annette of leox carax. and its not only a good movie the music is so good too

A horror movie you like - audition by takashi miike . love japanese violence

A sci-fi movie you like - high life by claire denis. AND it has robert pattinson in it!!!!!!!111 and hes amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A fantasy movie you like

A movie in your native language you like - Life According to Agfa by Assi Dayan. one of the only good israeli movies that exist bc i didnt see so far any good, worthwhile or complex israeli movie besides this one (not including documentaries).

A foreign-language movie you like - (i put a bunch already so ill do one in a language i didnt put yet) tori and lokita by the dardenne brothers. takes place in belgium in french about a young refugee woman and a refugee child from africa who pose as brother and sister. this is going to destroy you but its such a good movie i cant recommend it enough but i still cant recover

A movie you wish you could un-watch - the disney secretariat movie. it was so bad oh my god it was so fucking bad im in pain. i want disney to give me back the braincells i lost. this actor horse deserves so much better

A performance you think is underrated - Vicenç Altaió (yeah had to google this one) in story of my death by albert serra. his acting was insane. probably one of the best acting perfomances ive ever seen, specifically the toilet scene stuck with me. so it's a period movie about casanova. there a scene in the movie that all of it is just him taking a shit. and of course it sounds goofy but it was actually a really human and sensitive depiction and his acting was so natural i completely forgot i was watching a movie. he really made this scene what it is. and tbh i think even from those other photos u can see what i mean on him

A performance you think is overrated

A movie made better by the ending - only thing that comes up in my mind is barton fink of joel coen.. i can barely remember this movie bc i watched it years ago but (spoilers) i can just remember there was a twist in the middle that flipped the whole movie on its head and it was super enjoyable. besides this i cant think of anything

A movie ruined by the ending - the holy mountain of jodorowsky... at the time i watched it i was so disappointed by the ending it was so anticlimactic. i think he thought he did something but it just didnt work. (might be spoilers) same vibes when a story pulls "and then he found out it was all a dream". like.. in this case it just didnt feel fitting it was disappointing. but i watched it years ago so i wonder if i would feel the same now

A trilogy/franchise you like cant think of anything

A movie you never get tired of talking about - drive my car by ryusuke hamaguchi. its fun to talk abt this movie bc even tho there are a lot of themes and details that make it what it is, its not too complex to not be able to grasp and pinpoint them. so its complex enough to be a good movie but not too complex to not be able to talk abt it, both abt the good and bad things (bc there r also choices the director made that i dont like). and there's also so much to talk abt that stems from this movie not only in the movie itself but also what it shows abt japanese cinema, contemporary japanese cinema/this generation of japanese directors versus the previous generations. also i love this director in general i recc all his movies

A movie you never wanna hear about again - if i hear one more thing abt any marvel movie im going to kill myself

A movie you look forward to watching (could be an upcoming release or not) - aki karutismaki's fallen leaves that came out this year

A movie you think looks beautiful - red desert of antonioni. i adore the aesthetic of this movie. tbh its probably my favorite movie visuals wise. i just cant stop adding photos from google bc i love everything slkfdsflsfgds

A director you think is underrated - tbh hard to think of anyone.. i think any director i like got some kind of recognition, and if i think ok which one doesnt get mainstream recognition it would be basically most of them. so im trying to think.. who do i rlly think doesnt get recognition. maybe the crown should go to the photographer petra collins who actually directed the first season of euphoria before sam levinson kicked her out and claimed he did it and stole all her work

A director you think is overrated - HITCHCOCK!!!!!!! HES NOT THAT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HES TRULY NOT THAT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! I COULD PULL UP 10 DIRECTORS FROM HIS TIME AND BEFORE HIM THAT ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN HE IS THAT ARENT AS HYPED UP. godard and kurosawa made movies so much better and decades before him so the reason hes hyped cant even be that what he made was groundbreaking for the time. hitchcock is MID

An animated movie you like - the cowboy bebop movie... its so fun and satisfying to watch i watched it so many times dsfdf

A silent movie you like cant think of anything

Your favorite movie - possession by andrej zulawski. im speechless abt it. dont read a summery go into this blind. its such an insane experience (sin look my fav movie is a polish movie)

Your least favorite movie i dont rlly have one i have a whole bunch of movies i dont like but i dont have THE hated movie

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magnoliamyrrh · 5 months

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. ive got such a long list of reasons to be bitter and fed up and angry. i have so much pain within me. sometimes i feel like pain, deep, deep, sorrowful pain, mourning, grief, anger, a desperate need to stop feeling suffocated is what i know best. and u know as much as i think all thats justified and as much as i think my anger is important for my sanity , and as much as tbh i like by this point to an extent that my over it little tolerance for bullshit angry kinda agressive vibe is a part of my personality - that my bitterness is earned and aged like fine win. but idk, i have tired to rein it in these last months progressively bc it was consuming me and my nervous system literally couldnt handle it

but. something i still havent figured out how to deal w is my very, very, very bad case of survivors guilt. maybe its gotten a bit better but that makes me feel guilty too. it always does. i try not to let it haunt me but It Always done it haunts me that its somehow not supposed to consume and haunt me

. after everything my own pain and trauma is not what fucks me up the most. its always that its not over for so many others. for so many others its not over, its never over, theyre going through it rn, many worse than anything i ever went through. many that wont make it out alive

my best friend says its not my responsibility especially with my crippled health and the little of my fragile sanity to try to do something about it. that spending years trying to do something about sex trafficking or whatever else would break me, eat me up inside, that people who aint traumatized end up killing themselves or alchoholics, shells from what they've seen, so what would it do to me? he says. ive earned my rest, ive earned looking away, ive earned my peace

...

but what does that matter? what it would do to me? he says he doesnt understand why i spend so much time writing and speaking on this shit. at first it was to understand myself. now it is the horror that it is so much more horrible and bad and keeps going, its not me. its others. i always have felt more impacted by seeing others in pain than myself. i never can stand seeing my pain on someone else.

he says he doesnt understand why i look. he says he doesnt understand why i think. he says he doesnt understand why i study. doesnt understand why i want to do something about it when its so horrible

........

but ive been.... lucky. not so but lucky. lucky enouth to live. to get out. to get my "freedom."

but what does "my" individual freedom mean? when others dont have it? what does it matter?....... what does it matter?

it feels like my trauma isnt over through them. its not. im just one person, but for so many its not over. it wont be over. they may never see over until their graves.... time is a flat circle and all

...

and i think, how many? how many? and i think too.... in the history of the balkans, of my people, my women and little girls... how many? for how long?

how many today? everywhere?

how am i supposed to rest easy. how am i supposed to live my life ignoring it

why shouldn't i burn myself out. i already am. why shouldnt i take on the trauma of getting back into it for the sake of others

what does my freedom mean without theirs?

their screams echo through my head. they were my own once. i have stopped screaming

they have not

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inkofamethyst · 4 months

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December 17, 2023

Really kind of adore stories with parent figures fighting to find and protect their lost child (figure) while that child simultaneously grows up to become someone no longer in need of protecting! Broken Earth, The Witcher.. would love to find more books/series with that element, I think. Currently developing my reading list (finally starting some Sanderson!) and thinking about switching to Storygraph... only thing is that it's not as heavily utilized among my friends so I wouldn't necessarily be able to keep up with what they're reading. I suppose I don't necessarily want to be a "follower" in my friend group when it comes to doing a good thing, especially not with something that's ultimately a fairly inconsequential switch. Maybe that's a winter break goal.

You know what's wild? Last year one of my labmates took the class with this final project I'm working on right now, and she was in a group of three or four. That's a pretty solid amount of manpower and brainpower for a twenty page paper (plus 10+ pages in supplementary material). I'M LITERALLY DOING THIS ALONE. Same assignment. All by my lonesome. Will I get there? Ya I think so. But STILL.

[days later]

DONE.

Is it the best thing I ever wrote? God no. And that's a shame because it could have been really good had I not taken off two days last week. But it's done.

I hate writing introductions with all my heart. Everything else is fine, but orienting my audience to a topic? I'd rather skip that bit, honestly. So yeah. My intro kinda sucks. I think it picks up when we start talking about the basis of the work at hand, but it's otherwise pretty boring. Citations very spotty, with an overreliance on one source (even though i skimmed a ton of papers n even took notes too).

ngl kinda sucks bc it's going to my advisor and I know I could've done better ("but why didn't you" BECAUSE I WANNA GO HOME. OKAY? IM TIRED OF THIS PLACE. IM TIRED IN GENERAL. god i cant wait to get home)

not even going to mention how much little sleep I've gotten over the past 48 hours ugh.

can't even be thankful that it's over bc imma be anxious all the way up until i get that grade so.

im so bad at projects. bad at spacing things out. good at the planning. bad at the doing. decent at the crunch time. (the same sad song i weep every semester tbh.. "something's gotta change" yea yea yea)

well i dont want to go out all negative--im pretty proud of the future directions section. they came pretty naturally to me actually, and i think it's a bit of a testament to some of the growth ive had ~as a scientist~ this semester. thinking experimentally is still not easy, but i think i'm grasping some things related to my discipline which is good. thankful for that ig. also pretty happy with the discussion, I think my conclusions were pretty solid and interesting.

if-i-coulda-woulda-shoulda :/

[edit, next morning afternoon: so uh, i was anxious about the paper wile writing it and took an exedrin because of the anxious headache i got over it and the caffeine in the pill amplified my anxiety and that did not feel good at all]

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luxwing · 3 months

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For the Astarion query you had and will not say any spoilers/will be normal lol.

My first time playing I missed a few companions so less choice. He's hard to miss so anyone in the same boat as me would have had more time with him. Some you can almost miss till end of act 1 so again you'd end up with him for more.

Everyone that I did get for act 1 till maybe a little into act 2 was on the same level of fuckable for me (in that I wasn't too bothered as actually went into the game not knowing the romance was that well developed)

The most romanced characters are Shadowheart, Lae'zel and Karlach. So a lot of people agree with you. I would argue its more that Astarion ticks the right boxes for the people that create stuff for tumblr and tiktok and also has a lot of content/a lot of content that is easily quotable. Then because of algorithms etc the hype train kicked off.

My hope is that it doesn't end up going the other way and he doesn't end up getting hate because of counter culture or whatever. He is a very good character, as they all are and his story is also very moving. Again without spoilers, at release there were some people grateful that they could connect with his story and felt they hadn't seen it, as it is in the game, in media before.

Astarion slowly made his way up that list for me for the following reasons

Funny

Interesting backstory that gets more we will say interesting as the acts go on

Backstory has moments of oh fuck I get that trauma

He has the ability to change either way possibly the most

He literally has the most hours of dialogue etc and a bunch of romance scenes when some characters sadly don't

Now I have done more times through the game, personally I think they all have pretty good character development and are all very fuckable as yous say.

If you held a gun to my head and made me pick 1 I would pick karlach, gale and astarion in no set order and take the bullet. But honestly the others are really pretty much just as good to me.

Now the hype is dying down I feel like a lot of convos have been moving onto other characters including wanting to fuck NPCs.

I've gotten far enough not that my character did spend a night with Astarion and it's opened up some more information about his backstory, so I'm starting to see what draws a lot of people toward him. Also, someone mentioned this on my other post, but yeah Neil Newbon's performance does so much heavy lifting that you can't help but find him a bit charming.

And God I forgot this game has three acts my ass is just now almost finished with everything in act one I'm only level 5 after nearly thirty hours oh my god

But I guess one reason people might not be fans of Astarion (not just because they're tired of the fanmedia saturation mind you) is because of his approvals. He gains approval from you being mean or snarky and from some displays of cruelty, so that might be a quick turn off for people. Ive bypassed this by leaving him at camp whenever I wanna be nice along with the other "kindness is cringe" people.

But yeah, he's a well written character, I'll agree to that. Honestly, all the party members seem really multifaceted whether for better or worse, and I actually like that a lot. I do wish Shadowheart and Lae'zel would stop trying to kill each other and make out already, tho.

Tbh I haven't seen anyone 'hate' on Astarion. Joke about him, sure, but i think I've seen way more people shit on Shadowheart than on him. Which, that's a whole nuther discussion to be had in itself, but yeah idk.

God I still have so much of the game left to do what the fuck

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androcola · 3 months

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I feel like you’ve already talked about 70s Monkees some but do you wanna talk about them more 🥺?

okay tjis has been sitting in my ask box for a while just cuz ive been really scatterbrained and haven't been able to answer

I think, first and foremost, Micky gets CRAZY in the 70's. like he gets fucking nuts he goes all out. he gets really into led zeppelin and stuff like that, he's always got a loud record playing in the pad, he starts dressing in diy crop tops and tight, ass accentuating, ball crushing jeans (of course with the large bell bottom) he uh.starts hooking up(fucking) a lot with lots of different dudes n chicks (he did that in the 60's too but not as frequently) and over all he just gets insane!! definitely starts going to loud rock shows

mike is a TOTAL contrast to that (like he usually is to Micky) I think mike becomes much much more subdued, much quieter, way less inclined to craziness, much more mellowed out. his mental health starts improving a lot more, therapy and medication really help him manage his depression, cptsd and anxiety, and overall he really is just very mellow. but at the same time he tends to get very very stressed out because of Micky. he gets very worried about him going to loud rock shows cuz he fears him getting hurt by someone crazier than him, also he just can't stand the loud ass zeppelin records (he isn't a fan of the new hard rock) and also he just gets dragged around a lot by micky to do stuff, and its always really funny cuz compared to micky, mike always looks likes someones totally square dad (and acts like it) i think he manages to get over his problems with pent up anger, or atleast learns to manage it a lot better and is much less prone to wanting to kick peoples asses (hes got a very Hank Hill type of Im Gonna Kick Your Ass thing going on still tbh)

davy! I think davy definitely mellows out too, isn't as crazy about chasing chicks, but still gets with some here n there. he's totally mickys rock show buddy though, and has definitely gotten in fights and kicked some people's asses. he's small but he's full of muscle and lots of anger and competitiveness, so he's probably been pulled off some poor unfortunate soul who made the mistake of picking on him by Micky (who probably fucks said poor unfortunate soul later.sorry) but he's also very good going out with mike too, and can be very very calm and peaceful with him

peter gets REEAALLY into the soft rock scene and gets very into the band america ! he also enjoys some of the softer songs by bands like chicago. I think he also enjoys working out :) he gets a gym membership and works out sometimes, he very much believes in the mental benefits of working out, and also loves having strong muscular arms to hug his friends ❤️ he's veeeery 70's hippie. Just like mike, he becomes much more mellow and shy and subdued, and the two are seen hanging out very often because of their very compatible temperaments. oh I know peter DEFINITELY gets very into fleetwood mac

over all when all of them are together it can be quite a mixed bag, especially cuz of Micky who's fucking nuts, amd davy who is easily coaxed into also being fucking nuts, and then there's mike and peter who just want everything to be calm and still. and despite mike and micky being so much more different from each other than ever at this point, their friendship never truly suffers for it. all of them only just get closer and closer through the years

#asks #anon #🥺#hope u enjoyed this i just spilled dr peppwr on my carpet

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eirian · 29 days

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im ngl sometimes i do think abt retrying the animation industry job thing. i dont Want to and i Wont do it, but sometimes i think about it..

ive gotten better by now and im sure i could whip up a decent portfolio now if i tried. maybe this time id actually get considered for a job lol.

again i dont plan on doing it anytime soon tbh, if ever. but if i Had to? id be ok with at least trying again, i think.

i dont have a lot of confidence w my chances of getting an industry design job, mostly due to past experiences, but also bc there are pros currently in the industry who are literally struggling to find and hold jobs themselves. so what chance do i rly have lol

PLUS if yall were around for my job hunting era u may recall it stressed me out immensely and took a Lot of the fun and enjoyment out of drawing :( plus plus...i got a couple critiques that REALLY hurt my self esteem. one of them was DIRECTLY the reason i stopped drawing cartoons and am currently struggling to find the love for cartoons i used to have. (they called my art style "tired and dated" and said "it would have been popular 20 yeara ago" which erm. really fucking hurt lol. so i stopped and changed styles to be "more appealing" to people)

if i ever did get an industry job id really have to try and find a balance to where i dont hate art bc of it and still enjoy doing personal pieces. i love doing comms! but its a struggle to make money sometimes with just comms, and i physically + mentally cant do anything besides work from home art stuff. so unless i make an original comic to print and sell, i think the industry is the only choice i have left

#sorry for the longass post about basically nothing #im just sitting at eden's parents' house waiting on a call to happen lol

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thelizardperson · 9 months

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okayyyy seeing barbie the second time and some things i noticed that i think push more into the critique of barbie - on the first day where barbie has a perfect day and gets the perfect breakfast, she sips the milk but doesn’t eat the waffle, in fact barbie doesn’t actually eat. ever. and its not because she cannot as a doll, again she does the action of sipping milk, and in fact does even drink actual tea in the real world, but she doesn’t even pretend to eat. now i do think its a stretch but i think this could be greta’s nod to how barbie being an unrealistic body type can lead to unhealthy eating habits

- even barbie world where everything is perfect and women rule the world, they still carry the harmful social dynamics girls experience when they don’t do femininity “right” - weird barbie is still ostracized and exiled for being weird. The Barbies still worry about having perfect hair and Barbie’s flat feet are considered unequivocally gross.

- something that im still thinking about is that at the end of the mom’s double standards speech, she ends with “i dont know” and i dont know if its intentional but both times ive listened to that and gotten to the end im like okay wow. but uh. what was the point? and that i dont know at the end makes me feel like it is a critique on like, feminism that is just about pointing out the things wrong with the patriarchy without offering a real solution ? (im still trying to understand my own take on this tbh) and how like this sort of rhetoric managed to snap the barbies out of their patriarchy trances and magically solve everything but like. that doesn’t work in the real world. the real world is aware of this dichotomy, take sasha, the politically correct middle schooler, who is portrayed not just as an exception, a nerdy sjw, but in fact as a cool girl, leader of the intimating middle school girl posse - she knows that women are mistreated, but that doesn’t solve that companies “still do patriarchy very well, but just know how to hide it better“. Like i guess its that the message is here. everyone knows we Should treat women better, but how do we institute that kind of change? As we see with the way barbies treat each other and approach beauty as a necessity, even just putting women in power doesn’t necessarily solve it? im not sure, but i think somewhere in here is the heart of the movie, this movie which says only men in power doesn’t work, but neither does just women in power. - ordinary barbie... who is she? are we able to glamorize and idolize a regular woman? I think “mattel” says she will sell because she is relatable, and that is what people are clamoring for atm, especially youth who want accurate representation and to be seen. but like, idk the consequences of that are not discussed. Will she stay relevant? Will she ever be as iconic as stereotypical barbie is? Can she be? - The way mattel is portrayed in this movie is ... interesting. I think a lot of it must be censored/restricted by the actual company’s influence on the film, but like... hmm. They’re portrayed kind of as an “average corporation”, boring office, all male executives, the quip at the end being like oh if ordinary barbie sells we’ll make her. But also the ceo not caring that ken is making money, and only “caring about little girls and their dreams” was a weird, unexpected line for me. is this them trying to protect their image? like an oh we do only really care about making money but we can’t just outwardly sell patriarchy because that would look bad? or was that genuine? Is he too lost in the corporation sauce that he sold himself on that idea? Also because the executives are portrayed very de-humanized and lacking in autonomy (honestly some of the least human-like characters in the movie about dolls).

#just wanted to spill/work out some of my own thoughts about this movie because like watching it the first time i definitely missed a lot #but im still working to understand the messaging #also still thinking about like gender. in this movie.#and i mean like gender outside the man/woman dichotomy #as like that is the Foundation of the movie is man/woman #but i dont think its fully ignorant to the reality of the fact that there are complexities #like #there's alan.#alan who's not a ken #but is also like less lumped in with the kens than non-barbies are with barbies #like there's skipper and midge but they just like go along with the barbies #but alan #he's not part of the kens #also the middle schooler who warns barbie about sasha is quite androgynous #anywho #barbie #barbie 2023 #barbie movie #barbie spoilers #long post

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briebo-is-a-dragon · 9 months

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wanted to write out my thoughts on my own writing for a while so This is is That

i have so far finished only one (1) long-form writing project of mine. it's online, far more people read it than i ever thought would see it. like. so many more people. omfg.

this is still so daunting to me lmao, and i'm... proud of it! yes! but i also feel a little embarrassed about it tbh?

the story im specifically talking about is Odd Inheritance, which is a short little story i wrote about a trans girl realizing she's trans set loosely in pathfinder, and i have SO many thoughts about it now, about half a year after it's final chapter was released.

i wrote it in two weeks in a sprint during one of my study breaks, and i wrote it completely by the seat of my pants with no plan, and i think that shows. there are some extraneous plot threads in it that make no sense, side characters that feel very flat, and some characters appear less than i would've wanted them to. i dont share it around whenever i talk about my own stuff because im a little like "eh, i can do better now!" about it.

saying all that though, i reread it recently and i think it still has... charm? there are bits in there that i really really like, little nuggets in the story that elevate it despite some of the other parts perhaps being not as good, and overall, now that im more acquainted with how it actually is rather than the version i built up in my head, i actually shared it around a little more!

that is not to say that i dont think it could have used, perhaps, an extra editing run. an overall look at the plot threads and perhaps a pruning of some things, but hey, that comes with experience, right? i cant diss it too much, as, lets be honest here, its still the only story ive actually finished. (though i have at least two more fully outlined that im simply waiting for inspiration to kick me in the ass again so that i can start em proper, looking at you Dragon story that ive posted about before)

anyways. all thats to say that im currently in the process of rewriting it. im giving it that final little editing pass, mostly just... for me? it holds a special place in my heart as the thing that connected me with a bunch of other people that i've now gotten to know, and i want to do the ideas and character justice. if i manage to finish this little rewrite (this time with a plan, gasp) im gonna put it up on itch and actually do some more illustrations for it, hopefully.

anyways thats the end of my little thoughts on this, theyve been churning around in my head for a while now, just wanted to get em out. peace <3

#bri talks #my writing #sooooo many thoughts about OI you have NO idea. im really enjoying myself planning everything out

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joshuaalbert · 1 year

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tbh i do think changeling jack would have been a better option like. first of all i think just actually sticking to the changeling plot, rather than the antagonists being the changelings and the borg in an alliance that i guess doesn’t not make sense but ultimately brushes aside the changeling stuff at the end probably would have been better, but i also think there’s some potentially interesting stuff in there. again with the caveat that this is kind of operating off of like...not totally changing the setup but trying to do something better with the same beginning.

like ok loose concept 20 years prior to ep 1 beverly picks up this kid while she’s on a mission in the wake of the dominion war and initially doesn’t know he’s a shapeshifter or anything, just that he’s a child who needs help. he’s on her ship for a while and she gets kind of attached to him, especially when he shows an early interest in medical stuff, but at some point she gets confronted by some subset of starfleet that’s after him, and it comes out that he’s a changeling who did something bad in an attempt to escape capture by starfleet and they’re here to take him back.

and like. she’s gotten to know him, and she feels protective of this kid and she believes he was genuinely acting out of fear and possibly reacting to mistreatment, whereas their charges seem. kind of questionable? they feel like the result of paranoia in the wake of the dominion war and she doesn’t trust the people that are going to bring him in to treat him fairly, and she’s already somewhat more disillusioned with starfleet than she used to be because she’s already lost one son to starfleet ideals and is starting to regard jack as another, so that questioning really gets kicked into overdrive here on a broader scale. she makes the choice to protect this kid that she’s gotten attached to and they escape, but they have to go on the run, and that’s why she’s been off the grid for so long. she raises him, and they do their medical thing, but eventually they run into trouble and she doesn’t know where else to turn, so she reaches out to picard and tells him not to involve starfleet (both because they’re potentially compromised but also because her trust in them is still not at an all time high)

and then also since that’s dealing with the dominion war and that story belongs to ds9 i would have loved to bring back sisko (probably like. as at least a 2-3 episode arc, one of which replaces the episode w/ro laren bc i love her and all but she deserved better and we could have made the points that were made there in other ways). like. put him face to face with picard for the first time since the ds9 pilot and have them reassess each other after this time. i don’t know exactly how i’d see that dynamic playing out but i think bringing them back together to try to negotiate a threat would be super interesting AND like. i would really love to see picard going to sisko for advice about fatherhood tbh. maybe picard has read jake’s work and is familiar with the fact that they have a very close relationship so in trying to bond with jack he realizes sisko could be a really good person to learn from, even if they’ve had personal struggles in the past (and even if they’re never like Friends now). idk feels like a way to bring sisko back in and give him some closure that would have worked thematically on multiple levels.

like idk i dont have a whole plot seeing as ive been thinking about this for. not very long. but by focusing more on the changeling plot and giving it personal relevance we can focus on questioning starfleet and the federation, and how having to question these things picard has dedicated his whole life to affects his identity, but ideally to me the conflict would be one that shows the potential for positive change.

#for context the answer to 'why are you writing so many long ass posts' is usually a combination of mild hypomania + writing going badly #so you can just. act on that assumption in the future lmao.#like i said in the last post i dont really like the setup but even with it there were more interesting things that could have been done #and like...idk weird changeling kid jack trying to figure his shit out in the space where the dominion war is over but people are still #kinda weird about people like him is infinitely more interesting to me than specialest borg guy jack #even if ultimately i would prefer that they just. didn't do a secret child plot at all lmao #(as a side note i dont love the ds9 episode that comes to a kind of like. well people will always just be prejudiced conclusion #but i do think there's a difference between 'that's just always how it'll be' and showing people actively making an effort to be better)#i honestly have no idea if anything i've said today makes any sense wahoo but here we are babey!!#pic #picard spoilers #san rant #changeling!jack

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chaoticgremlinbrainspace · 1 year

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why I think dick greyson having ADHD would be neat

adhd is a complex disorder that has a multitude of symptoms that present differently in each person, along with there being 3 types there's also commorbidies that can add onto and or obscure the adhd or the other disorder itself, and with this information I think it would be neat to apply this to dick Greyson in a way that stays as in character as a person who barely remembers canon can do. also I think his adhd would change as it often does to be more subtle as an adult (adult adhd) vs his adhd in childhood and teen years. Hyperactivity: hyperactivity isn't just physical it can also be mental too, racing thoughts and all that, some people say their thoughts run slow instead of fast. I think as a kid dick was probably pretty physically active(and still is lmao) which is one of the recommendations for helping with adhd symptoms, exercise. this would fit bc this dude is an acrobat, so he has an outlet for excessive energy right there. that and ive noted that a lot of people have dick constantly moving. there's also the thing of excessive physical movement, so the whole dick likes to do ten thousand backflips on patrol could link back to that lol.this could also go into stimming, leg bounces, finger/foot tapping, pacing, rubbing things like shirts in repetitive motions etc. this could also go with his inherent chattiness, as this is also a symptom of adhd. along with an inability to be quiet and speaking not when its appropriate or out of turn, blurting things out too, I will say a lot of theses types of symptoms can be explained as “batman training helps mask this shit so hard by like either giving a routine to follow/massive Anxiety that forces him not too on the job”. he would probably Experience a lot of edginess and restlessness in adulthood especially as the hyperactivity can often morph into an underlying sorta energy, maybe it runs under the skin like something alive that wants out, who knows. there's also the lack of a sense of danger and risk taking, and having little to no regaurd for personal safety pr the safety of others. I think this could fit, like what's more risk taking than being a superhero? and the lack of safety for others is another “batman training” moment because you bet your ass other people’s safety was drilled into child dick. and while im not sure bc I know canon about as well as I know what's under the couch, but I think you could work the lack of personal safety in pretty well, as from what ive seen this dude is prone to taking hits for other people(not like one hundred percent confident my memory is dog shit💀) and his whole life style could be in part to the risk taking, not all of it because I also know he wants to help people but it started out as wanting to murder kill a guy, lol. anyway my guy is out here swinging around the city heights with a grappling hook and years of acrobatting. there is another symptom of acting without thinking, and I think this one could be explained in a child--->adult sense. as a kid he was more prone too it, but like I said and probably will keep saying batman training and tbh I think the impulsivity that he would keep a clamp on during his nightjob would probably be more in his day time ventures, not to say I dont think dick wouldn't ever act impulsively as rightwing in fact it probably does happen, here's where I think a thick cocktail of Anxiety caused by adhd and batman training out tag team and have him wildly compensate for that shit. that and I think it would be interesting if rightwing acted a bit impulsive from time to time and had to plan around that on the fly, god knows iv’e had too. there's also extreme impatience, which again bad memory strikes again and I personally have little knowledge on this dudes patience, it might have to be another thing hes just gotten better at with age(like having strategies to help with shit) INATTENTIVE: having a short attention span, or being easily distracted, being unable to stick to tedious or boring tasks, seeming forgetful, losing things, constantly changing the task, being unable to listen and carry out instructions, making careless mistakes, having difficulty organizing and prioritizing tasks, all fall under the “batman training/Anxiety is a bitch” category where I am pretty confident that dick is shown to be able to do a lot of these things, well I bring you combination of “he has a system for this shit” and “hyperfixation”, I think he could definitely still be an outstanding leader with adhd, he would just need a shit more discipline to run it well, because he would have to work around these symptoms in particular which you can its just tiring. and as such I think he would exhibit these symptoms more in his day time life, I just think it would help make for a greater contrast between dick Greyson and nightwing which would help him with his identity security, after all who would suspect dick Greyson is nighwing if nightwing seems so much more on top of the ball than dick? he would have to be super organized for that though which he could pull off with a lot of effort. there's also continually starting new tasks before finishing others, which I feel like, crime is never really over?? so its more like one big task with little task bits with more task bits. honestly nightwing with adhd seeming super on top of things in comparison to dick would be funny to me sorta like an adhd power fantasy gbdfhsnkj. anyway. OTHER SHIT PEOPLE DONT REALLY TALK ABOUT BUT SUCKS ASS ANYWAY: emotional deregulation!!! wooo!!! impaired ability to regulate emotions and responses to situations which can cause them to be extreme and ill fitting of the situation, like getting really fucking angry! getting fucking despondent! Absolute heart break over something that in hindsight wasn't as bad as you thought fuck man it still sucks! I think this would be another it was way worse in childhood thing for dick, like anger issues and shit, especially as a teen when not only are hormones fucking you up so is the fall out with batman lmao. the dysregulation really fucks with like, what someone can take im saying dick Greyson with adhd could be a more sensitive person. which again I think would be neat bc as he grows up he would have to find work arounds and shit, that or the only shit that really hits is from friends and family, he doesn't give a flying fuck other wise. this is were I bring up RSD the fucking asshole of adhd related shit. Rejecton sensitive dysphoria where upon perceived failure or rejection there's severe emotional damage, it can even feel physical, like a stab through the chest. I think this shit would definitely feed into a positive feed back loop of being angry and hurt at people, and probably sucked extra shit when he fought with bruce (my timeline is a bit fucked ok?) and a lot of times to cope with this people fall under being a people pleaser, or just giving up on people entirely, maybe a combo of the two. there's also mood swings and inability to Control frustration and anger. I feel like this shit would be really hard during teenage years due to events for dick lol. ALSO if he has gone undiagnosed through adulthood he would probably also be suffering from shit like depression, low self esteem, and frustration and irritation. once again additude to the rescue with a handy little bit about untreated adult adhd, “Adults who have ADHD but do not know it are at much higher risk than the general population for serious problems. Mood disorders, extreme sadness, and anxiety often occur when ADHD goes undiagnosed. Even if these conditions are are treated, the underlying problem, if left untreated, leads to other problems.” undiagnosed adhd is serious especially if you dont get help, you can just end up feeling like a piece of shit who can do anything. that being said I don’t know if dick would ever end up diagnosed with adhd as a kid? adhd is easy to misdiagnose as it has a lot of overlapping symptoms with other disorders, and is highly compatible with serval. I honestly dont have the tightest grasp on Alfred and Bruces characters to know if they would even think of ever getting dick checked for that, I dont mean to assume or anything but they dont really seem like the types to think of mental disorders, I personally feel like it would be a bit of a “oh hes just like that” and a “they dont know what they dont know situation” but a case could be made for dick getting a diagnosis at a younger age, because Batman to my understanding is very open to possibilities. he also just doesn't really strike me as the kind guy who would realize anything is weird about his kid unless it was pointed out? bc tbh I feel like dick would be on that gifted kid grindset which makes it even harder to pick up on the adhd bc your “too smart” to have it which is bullshit by the way. adhd and intelligence are not connected, you an be the smartest kid ever and you would still have adhd. tbh all this shit is working towards the “dick is a workaholic” thing because its a lot of work, and hyper focus would in fact enable this greatly as he would be able go for hours on end with out stopping. that and all the compensation hes doing lol. here's a list of symptoms I got off of additudemag.com because I know ive missed some. Short attention span, especially for non-preferred tasks Hyperactivity, which may be physical, verbal, and/or emotional Impulsivity, which may manifest as recklessness Fidgeting or restlessness Disorganization and difficulty prioritizing tasks Poor time management and time blindness Frequent mood swings and emotional dysregulation Forgetfulness and poor working memory Trouble multitasking and executive dysfunctionInability to control anger or frustration Trouble completing tasks and frequent procrastination Distractibillity Difficulty awaiting turn MASKING: I 100% believe this guy would mask like hell especially as nightwing, make that masking literal! Probably through a potent mixture of Anxiety, batman training tm, mirroring other people, suppressing stims and impulsivity, stuff like that, and I think the night time masking would make his day time attempts at masking sloppy, because that shit is draining and it would also be really convenient if he had an easy way to distance himself from his nightwing persona. he probably did this as a kid and it got worse(sorry im a sucker for angst but also he probably did to fit in more at school and stuff) HERES A GOOD ARTICALE ON COMORBIDIES AND ADHD BY ADDITUIDE ONCE AGAIN: https://www.additudemag.com/when-its-not-just-adhd/ I fully believe dick Greyson would get hit with the multi mental disorders, not only from shit hes seen superheroing but bc adhd and people with adhd are more likely to have depression and Anxiety(partly because of Social pressures and some in part to comorbidity) CONCLUSION BECAUSE ITS GETTING LATE AND IM RUNNING OUT OF STEAM ON THIS LONG ASS POST: I think dick Greyson with adhd would be neat as it could open more avenues to explore with his character, and I like the head canon anyway. DISCLAIMER I AM NOT A QUALIFIED PRACTICER THIS IS ALL INFORMATION I HAVE GOTTEN FROM MY DOCTOR AND ONLINE RESOURCES SUCH AS https://www.additudemag.com/ . THAT AND I DO NOT PERSONALLY KNOW DICK GREYSON AND ALL HIS ITERATIONS FROM THE LONG ASS COMIC BOOK RUN, I JUST THINK HE IS NEAT AND I WILL BE TAKING A LOT OF THIS STUFF FROM THINGS I’VE ABSORBED FROM HERE, OR MY MEMORIES OF YOUNG JUSTICE THIS IS NOT THE END ALL BE ALL I AM JUST ONE PERSON WHO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT A FICTIONAL CHARACTER WHO CAN CHANGE AND GROW OVER TIME, IF SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT SORRY LOL IM ALSO JUST DOING THIS FOR FUN

#dick grayson #nightwing #there are so many typos #I do not care #adhd #long post #text post #grem screams #talking about a head canon I think is neat #this is very self indulgent #if you do not agree #that is fine lol its for my enjoyment and I wish you a good day #if you do agree or find some parts cool #im glad my rambles are giving you something #gsjnofkamd;#I had a stressful day this is my destressing post #I am very normal about adhd and dick Greyson guys I swear

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