#i still havent seen venom 2 yet and it makes me mad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dirt-cup-draco · 4 years

Text

Bucky x Reader- Barriers (2/2)

It had been a week since Bucky had left you all alone on the rooftop. You’d gone to bed alone that night and shivered until sleep took you. You thought maybe time would help and the next morning things would be okay again but every time you tried to talk to your boyfriend he was too busy or nowhere to be found. Every text went unanswered. Are we even together anymore? You wanted to ask. Because in all honesty, you had no idea. With no word from him after he had completely shut you out made it seem like he was through with you. And you weren’t ready for that possibility yet.

You were curled up on the couch sniffling and looking at a picture of you and Buck. You had gone to coney island on a date and you’d convinced him into taking a picture with you as you reached the top of the Ferris wheel. Your lips were pressed firmly to his cheek and he was beaming into the lens. His arm was wrapped securely around you and you could remember how safe you’d felt. Wasn’t he happy with you? Had you done something to drive him away or were you just not enough?

Your sniffles had turned into full on sobbing and you were glad that the living room was empty and dark. It was two in the morning and most sensible people were asleep. You hoped Bucky was getting some sleep. You let yourself stew in your heartbreak as you gripped the picture in your shaking hands. You loved him, so so much and you wanted to take away all of his pain. You wanted to give him peace. But he didn’t want that. Or did he just not want it from you?

The doubts crept in deep and sunk their claws into you. It was your fault he hadn’t spoken to you all week. It was your fault he was unhappy. It was your fault your relationship was falling apart. Lost in thought, you hadn’t noticed anyone come and you jumped sky high when a hand was set on top of your shoulder. You shouted and spun around, nearly falling off the couch until that same hand gripped your arm tightly to keep you in place. “Y/N, it’s just me, can we talk?” Your heart dropped. It was only Steve.

“Um, yeah sure,” You sighed, wiping furiously at your eyes as he came around to sit beside you. His eyes took in his surroundings automatically and he took in your pathetic appearance. Swollen, red eyes and a runny nose. Pale skin and tear stained cheeks. Tussled hair and shaking hands. You were beating yourself up pretty hard it seemed.

“Please be patient with him, he’s trying, really he is,” Steve spoke first and you frowned.

“I know he is... Did he say something to you?” You questioned back. You thought you’d been patient, thought you’d been doing your best to give him space and time while showing that you were there for him even when things got tough, even when he was scared he didn’t deserve to have someone there for him.

“No but I can just tell you guys had a little fall out, he’s been a sour bastard for a week straight,” The man chuckled but you couldn’t find any humor in it.

“Well maybe things would be better if he would stop ignoring me...” You said bitterly, tears springing up again. You tossed your phone in Steve’s lap. “He hasn’t texted me back, any time I go to the gym he leaves, if I’m in the kitchen he makes sure he isn’t. I-I don’t even know if we are together anymore. i haven’t seen him since he left the party. I don’t know what the hell is going on,”

Admitting it out loud hurt more than you thought and you were reduced back to a sobbing mess. Bucky meant the world to you but how was this supposed to work if he couldn’t even be around you?

Steve wraps a reassuring arm around you but you just wish that it was Bucky sitting with you. Steve was a good friend, to the both of you and you appreciated it but he really wasn’t helping right now. “I think I’m going to go back to my room... Excuse me,” You said before Steve could interject. You walked around his legs and were on your way back to your room when Steve told you to wait.

“What if I can get you and Buck to talk?”

You laughed humorlessly and shrugged. “I doubt he wants to but if you can make it happen Stevie, I’d beg you to teach me how. Goodnight,” You dismissed him with little hope. It was sweet what he was trying to do but you were lonely and sad and unsure and so nothing sounded like it would solve anything. You knew you were being stubborn and probably rude but you weren’t in the mood for it at the moment. It was late- or early- and you just wanted to be grumpy a while longer.

Three hours later the sun was working it’s way up into the sky and you hadn’t slept one bit. You stumbled out of your room and made a pot of coffee that you planned on drinking all by your lonesome. You weren’t prepared however for your super soldier maybe still boyfriend to be sitting expectantly at the kitchen table, arms crossed. He’d look intimidating if he wasn’t wearing his flannel pajama set you’d gotten him a couple weeks ago. But maybe that was a good sign. He hadn’t burned anything from you yet.

“Buck,” You said, not sure what else was supposed to come out of your mouth after a long week of trying to understand what was happening.

“Steve said you wanted to talk,” He mumbled.

“Yeah well I doubt you needed Steve to tell you that... Unless you’ve stopped checking your phone,” You said with surprising venom. You poured yourself a cup of coffee and after thinking about it for a moment you poured Bucky one too. At least he had the decency to look a little ashamed. He swallowed the lump in his throat and studied you without any explanation.

“Why?” You prodded.

“Why what?” He had the gall to ask.

“Why havent you said anything to me in a week? Why does it take Steve scolding you to get you to even be in the same room as me? Why don’t you trust me? Why can’t I be the person you go to when you need comfort and help? Why did you leave me on the roof when all I was trying to do was help?” You rambled, gripping your mug until your knuckles turned white. You were trying to hold it together but it was becoming increasingly hard.

“Y/N, it’s not easy to talk about... I get that you want something from me but I can’t give it to you. I’m broken, completely fucked up. I can’t be what you need. This was a mistake,” He said, motioning between you two and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. Bucky looked defensive but you let out a distressed whimper and his stern look melted a little.

“Y-you don’t mean that Buck, this isn’t a mistake, I love you, you l-love me,” You said. You felt pathetic. You were mad until you were scared he was leaving you. You really did love him. You couldn’t imagine your life without him in it. This week had been hell without him.

His head hung low and he sipped slowly, relishing in the slight burn. He deserved it after all. “You’re better off without me... It doesn’t have anything to do with love, it’s just a fact. You are better off if I end things...”

“You can’t decide what is good for me and what isnt! I can choose that for myself. Why can’t you see that you are good for me? Why can’t you see I am so much happier when you are with me?” You needed him to realize how much he meant to you, how you would do anything to make him happy.

“But Y/N-” He started but you pointed your finger in his face.

“No Bucky, listen to me, please. I love you and I want you in my life. I know that you have been through so much shit in your life that everything is clouded by it. I know that I can’t expect you to just vent to me once and be fine. I know that it isn’t going to all happen at once and that you need time. But you can’t keep shutting people out. I’m not going anywhere. I just want to be there for you so the nights aren’t so hard and the voices tearing you down aren’t so loud, I just want to love you, but we can’t keep going on like this,” You sighed and held your head in your hands.

“S-so I guess you’re right. Maybe... maybe it would be better if we didn’t see each other anymore. But that’s only if you can’t look me in the eye right now and tell me that next time something happens you won’t run away from me.” You gave him an ultimatum no matter how much it hurt you to say it. “I don’t want this to be the end Bucky, but I need you to let me in.”

Bucky was still as stone. You reached out and took his hand in yours, brushing your thumb over the top of his knuckles. You stared ahead and he finally turned to look you in the eyes. You tried to convey in one look that you really did love him, you wanted things to go well for you two, you wanted him. Above everything else, you wanted him to know that you would take him faults and all.

“Doll... I love you too. I don’t want this to be over either, god knows youre the best thing that has ever happened to me. Which is why this can’t happen. I’ll taint you,” He spoke so seriously it took away any jest you might have had. “Everything good in my life goes horribly wrong and I couldn’t handle it if anything ever happened to you- whether it’s by my hand or someone else’s.”

“James Buchanan Barnes,” You began, “You would never hurt me. Never, you hear me? You are so good to me. You are my safe place and my world. You’re my heart and I can’t live without you. And I know with certainty that if there ever was a threat to me that you would be right by my side keeping me safe. I trust you” You emphasized with a squeeze to his hand. At least he didn’t pull away.

This seemed to break through something in his mind and his own hand was squeezing back gently. “O-okay, I’ll try,” He said no, a determined look that was mixed with fear. Even now he was afraid to let himself be happy.

“That’s all I can ask,” You said, finally allowing a smile to creep onto your features.

“Now please, can we go cuddle and maybe cry and then kiss a lot?” You said, laughter working it’s way through your words. “I have missed you so much,” you explained.

“Anything you want, doll,” Bucky said standing and dragging you up with him. He brushed a hesitant kiss onto your nose. “I’m sorry,”

Wrapping your arms around his waist you let out a deep breath. “It’s okay now Buck, things are going to be better from now on,” You promised. “Just please don’t push me away again...”

He nodded and let his cheek rest against the top of your head. Things would be better. He’d do all he could to make sure nothing like this ever happened again. Bucky was scared that if he opened up you would leave him and hate him but he was more scared of saying nothing and you leaving anyways. He supposed that this had to go both ways. He needed to confide in you as you did in him.

Bucky Barnes would try his damnedest to let down some of his barriers if it meant keeping you in his life. “Never again, I promise,” He said, leading you to your room. Things would be okay, he just had to trust in you. In the both of you.

You were breathing easier and Bucky let himself hope for the first time in a long time.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #winter soldier #winter soldier x reader

57 notes · View notes

8147 · 6 years

Text

reading hamlet for the first time (act 5: the finale)

masterlist

none of you told me it was going to be this painful . none of you.

a5s1

“Ophelia’s dead.” “Enter CLOWNS!”

Like im sure this has a different meaning in EMA but im gonna make fun of it because it’s fucking hilarious. (future (present? (now past once more (?))) antares coming back to say i did look at nfs and yeah theyre gravediggers)

“First Clown: What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter? Second Clown: The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a thousand tenants.” damn not even just this one quote but these are some depressing clowns

hamlet and horatio!

okay there’s something about all of hamlet’s skull talk that makes me uneasy. like, not even the topic, just something in the words and how earnestly and (pardon my pun) gravely hamlet’s speaking about this. and it’s almost a mournful tune, too. it’s a huge difference from his “we’ll all be eaten by the same worms” speech to the point that it’s almost haunting.

“HAMLET: I will speak to this fellow.” C O N F R O N T

“HAMLET: I think it be thine, indeed; for thou liest in't.” (incomprehensible scribbling)

HAMLET, NOT IN ENGLAND: oh yeah lol he was sent to england huh u know why lmao

wait. did the. did the pirate situation get resolved. before act V.

I mean i think hamlet mentioned something about three years but the pirates are so fucking glossed over like what the fuck

“First Clown: 'Twill, a not be seen in him there; there the men are as mad as he.” HOLY SHIT ROAST THEM JFC

“HAMLET: Let me see. (Takes the skull)” THIS IS THE SKULL SCENE! I fucking KNEW it was bullshit that holding the skull was in the to be/not to be speech. I saw it being presented as such like once or twice while reading and I KNEW IT

hm okay so hamlet picks up this guys skull, of someone he used to know, and sure maybe i could ignore the “those lips i have kissed” but then he goes on to mention alexander the great and i mean come on

but jesus like i feel like im not doing justice to the stuff hamlet’s saying. just, the gravity of it all. Its kinda hitting home a bit hard bc like ive had a crippling fear of what happens after death and being forgotten etc since i was like in fourth grade and this is @ing that phobia

like, with that julius ceasar thing. “O that that earth which kept the world in awe / should patch a wall to expel the winter flaw,” it’s so strange. like, every fucking human who has lived, whether they be emperors, murderers, inventors, peasants, or philanthropists- as long as they weren’t blind, they’ve all looked at the same sky. like. It doesnt matter what the fuck you did or didn’t. It’s wild.

“First Priest: No more be done: We should profane the service of the dead To sing a requiem and such rest to her As to peace-parted souls.” hey i get that there are cultural taboos around suicide but like this guy’s a dick it isnt even clear if it was suicide, like, she was so fucking crazy she might not have even known she was, y’know, in a lake or w/e

laertes, dude, my guy. maybe jumping into a grave is cosmic foreshadowing for something you don’t want to happen to you. js.

“HAMLET: [Advancing] What is he whose grief Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow Conjures the wandering stars, and makes them stand Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I, Hamlet the Dane. (Leaps into the grave)” hamlet is NOT one to be out-extra’d (posting-antares here to say, wait, ‘whose phrase of sorrow conjures the stars? is this my aesthetic-speeches-summon-ghosts theory? probably not, but i havent mentioned it for a while)

“LAERTES: The devil take thy soul! (Grappling with him)” IN A FUCKING GRAVE. THEY ARE FIGHTING. IN A GRAVE.

all because hamlet doesn’t want to be out-extra’d. my god.

“QUEEN GERTRUDE: This is mere madness: And thus awhile the fit will work on him; Anon, as patient as the female dove, When that her golden couplets are disclosed, His silence will sit drooping.” Ah yes gertie just talk about the distraught and angry madman as if he isn’t there. that’ll diffuse the situation.

You know what? We still haven’t discussed the pirates.

a5s2

“HAMLET: So much for this, sir: now shall you see the other; You do remember all the circumstance?” If this isn’t gonna be about the pirates im gonna. scream.

“HAMLET: My fears forgetting manners, to unseal Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio,-- O royal knavery!--an exact command, Larded with many several sorts of reasons Importing Denmark's health and England's too, With, ho! such bugs and goblins in my life, That, on the supervise, no leisure bated, No, not to stay the grinding of the axe, My head should be struck off.” god, though. imagine that. being exiled to another country by the person who killed your father, only to find out that they were going to have you killed, anyways. that’s fucking terrifying. jesus christ.

Damn this idea that pretty handwriting is ~beneath~ nobles confuses me so fucking much. I got called haughty once just because my main handwriting is cursive. I mean, they were right, but their evidence was circumstantial at best.

“HAMLET: That, on the view and knowing of these contents, Without debatement further, more or less, He should the bearers put to sudden death, Not shriving-time allow'd.” Hamlet’s Revenge.

but also, what the fuck, dude. two wrongs dont make a right.

damn i kinda lost myself while reading but it really doesn’t sound like hamlet’s insane anymore. Like he’s… tempered himself. he doesn’t feel insane, just solemn.

“OSRIC: Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark. HAMLET: I humbly thank you, sir. Dost know this water-fly?” goddamn ROAST HIM HAMLET (also what a fucking mood)

Osric put on your fucking ha--

The wind is

The wind is northerly

“HAMLET: No, believe me, 'tis very cold; the wind is northerly.” I remember someone saying that this is important

Okay here: “HAMLET: I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.”

oh no

Osric just wear ur fucking hat u doof

“OSRIC: Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry,--as 'twere,--I cannot tell how. But, my lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that he has laid a great wager on your head: sir, this is the matter,-- HAMLET: I beseech you, remember-- (HAMLET moves him to put on his hat)” excuse me a WAGER

but alas all hamlet cares about is osric’s fucking hat

“HAMLET: What's his weapon? OSRIC: Rapier and dagger. HAMLET: That's two of his weapons: but, well.” hamlet u sarcastic little shit i love you

I mean so is horatio. I love him too.

This stuff with the competition is. not gonna end well. not at well.

“HAMLET: I do not think so: since he went into France, I have been in continual practise: I shall win at the odds. But thou wouldst not think how ill all's here about my heart: but it is no matter.”

hamlet no. listen to your heart or whatever. jesus christ don’t do it.

“HORATIO: Nay, good my lord,--” HAMLET LISTEN TO HORATIO

Ohhh hamlet

okay reading what laertes said, you know what? i’m giving laertes one last chance. please do not prove me a fool, laertes.

everything is giving me mad anxiety. e v e r y t h i n g.

claud’s speech is insanely sketchy

“KING CLAUDIUS: [Aside] It is the poison'd cup: it is too late.” One, so that’s why it was sketchy. Two, the POISONED CUP?

IT’S TOO LATE?

Gertie’s. Dead.

Shit, shit, shit

“LAERTES: [Aside] And yet 'tis almost 'gainst my conscience.” YES! SO PLEASE! STOP FIGHTING!

“LAERTES wounds HAMLET; then in scuffling, they change rapiers, and HAMLET wounds LAERTES.” Oh no oh no oh jeez eheu they’re hurting each other, shit, fuck,

“LAERTES: ...woodcock…”

“KING CLAUDIUS: She swounds to see them bleed. QUEEN GERTRUDE: No, no, the drink, the drink,--O my dear Hamlet,-- The drink, the drink! I am poison'd. (Dies)” one, i love how claud is desperatley trying to stick to the plan, its almost adorable in a childish sort of way. two, oh god. ohhh god. gertie.

Oh no.

this is the bloodbath. THIS IS THE BLOODBATH.

BODY COUNT: 1

“HAMLET: The point!--envenom'd too! Then, venom, to thy work. (Stabs KING CLAUDIUS)” ...

BODY COUNT: 2

wait and hamlet’s on death row, as with laertes. Oh no.

“LAERTES: He is justly served; It is a poison temper'd by himself. Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet: Mine and my father's death come not upon thee, Nor thine on me. (Dies)’ oh my god already??? I haven’t even really accepted king claud’s death?? jesus christ??

My friend just sorta nudged me and asked if i was alright and i. I’m not. i’m in shock. goddamn. what?

BODY COUNT: 3

goodness thats three in like less than thirty seconds JESUS CHRIST

“HAMLET: Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee.I am dead, Horatio.” that’s chilling. just, the poignancy. that’s so fucking spectral. i’m not okay.

“HORATIO: Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane: Here's yet some liquor left.” No no no on no nononon NO NO oh my god are you going to-

“HAMLET: As thou'rt a man, Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll have't. … If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart Absent thee from felicity awhile, And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain, To tell my story.” hey i’m crying in study hall. i’m actually crying. what the fuck. I don’t cry unless i’m thinking about that one pair of 18th century shoes with the really good photo quality (transcribing-antares here. I fucking love those shoes. I’m looking at them right now and they’re so fucking beautiful. they look how velvet feels, which is odd, bc they're apparently silk. I don’t care they’re just so fucking lovely)

F O R T I N B R A S?

“HAMLET: O, I die, Horatio; The potent poison quite o'er-crows my spirit.” I’ve identified my emotion. Dread. pure, unadulterated Dread.

for all of you that’ve listened to the penumbra podcast: do you remember the concierge, right before final resting place, saying “you do realize you can just like, leave, and everything will be hunky dory and you won’t have to deal with the emotional consequences this episode will bring you” because i’m seriously considering doing that right now.

“HAMLET: The rest is silence. (Dies)” shit. (posting-antares here to say that i forgot to do the body count but honestly im crying while formating because of this goddamn fucking 400 year old play)

“HORATIO: Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet prince…” oh god. horatio.

“Good night sweet prince…”

(yet again tis transcribing-antares here to say that im fucking sobbing right now, the shoes are no match for this, and ‘goodnight sweet prince’ is actually never going to leave my head.) (editing-antares here to say im fucking crying again god fucking damn it) (posting-antares back again saying that this fucking line. this line. my god.)

“HORATIO: What is it ye would see? If aught of woe or wonder, cease your search.” oh, horatio. god. that isn’t something said without tears staining your skin and a bitter tone hard-won, not that its possession is a victory.

oh my god. this can’t. no. this can’t end like this. What. no. people must have rioted. No. no!!

i typically hate it but i would GLADLY accept a deus ex machina right about now!!

okay my friend just took my phone away from me and shut it off because i kept on trying to scroll past the end

jesus christ

okay so i’m not going to be okay for like, several eternities, so im going to play the sims until i. until i die, probably. my god.

masterlist

#shush antares #antares reads hamlet #thE PIRATES WERE NEVER ADDRESSED #also im crying but im STILL ANGRY #mostly in shock tho

11 notes · View notes