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eoieopda · 4 months

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homecoming | knj

pairing: kim namjoon x reader summary: your husband is out-of-town for two weeks. he may have to keep his hands to himself in the meantime, but that doesn’t mean he can’t tell you what to do with yours. au: lacuna!verse, est. relationship (marriage) type: drabble (smut) wc: 2.8k (yes, i’m still calling this a drabble) rating: 18+ — minors do not have my consent to interact cw: LAJOONA, afab!reader (gender identity not explicitly stated but is referred to as “wife”), phone sex, voice kink ig?, reader is noted to speak in a(n unspecified) regional dialect, namjoon w/ dom undertones??, guided masturbation (v fingering, clit stim), literally so much dirty talk, multiple orgasms + squirting, praise for zest, various pet names because i’m all over the place, a brief appearance by a beloved side character. a/n: so, uhhhh…. here’s some self-indulgent filth for the dash, lmao. this makes sense out of the context of the lacuna series, but i think it’s more fun if you’re familiar with these two 💕 these events take place after the main series (aka present day). a/n 2: reader is referred to (once) by namjoon as “mrs. kim” — it’s a pet name. i’m aware that name changes after marriage aren’t a thing in korean culture.

Kim Namjoon knows home when he hears it.

Even in hushed tones, it rings loud and clear through his AirPods, humming so closely to the source of his wandering thoughts that he can picture himself there. Despite the slight rasp brought on by exhaustion, its intonation follows the same, steep highs and lows he’ll never get enough of. It sounds like a dialect from a city he’s never lived in, but it’s home, nonetheless.

“I thought the point of this retreat was to… retreat,” you tease. “Don’t know how effective that is if you call your distraction, Joonie.”

To be fair, Namjoon wasn’t the one who called you a distraction. He certainly wasn’t the one who decided he’d spend two weeks sequestered in the middle of nowhere, either. That was all Yoongi, top to bottom.

Come to think of it —

“If Yoongi didn’t think to confiscate my phone, that’s a Yoongi problem.” Namjoon shrugs, smiling to himself.

With a muffled grunt, he then leans back against the mattress and stretches his arms overhead. It’s nowhere near as comfortable as the one you’re currently occupying — mostly because you’re there and not here — but it could be worse, he knows. The separation could’ve been indefinite, like it used to be, with you thousands of kilometers and a handful of time zones away.

This round has a definitive deadline.

This, he can tolerate.

Once he settles in, Namjoon lets his eyes drift shut, mostly so he can imagine you curled up next to him. “I think he’s punishing me, honestly,” he huffs. “Dragged me out to the forest without you and put me in lyric jail because he’s sick of all the shit I’ve written about being in love.”

At this, you snort; Namjoon knows without seeing you that you’re rolling your eyes. “And being ridden. You’re getting pretty suggestive in your old age, love.”

Old?

Damn.

Namjoon opts to leave that bit alone for now. Knowing you, that was the only part of what you just said that was intended to get a rise out of him — but the rest of it gets him thinking. After the fight he put up initially, he may have to concede that Yoongi was right about the strength of your influence. There’s only one image flashing behind Namjoon’s closed lids now.

And he pulls no punches, so he says as much out loud:

“If you knew what you looked like on top of me, you’d write poetry about it, too.”

Namjoon laughs a little when he says it, if only to mitigate some of the tension seeping into his muscles. Each cell in his body is demanding action that he can’t take at a distance. He’s restless in a way he hasn’t been in a long damn time, grabbing handfuls of the comforter below him because he can’t do the same to you.

It doesn’t hit the same.

You’re softer to the touch.

You sense that there’s a reason why he’s gone quiet all of the sudden; he knows you do. In fact, Namjoon suspects that your mind is wandering down that same, useless path. All he hears is your quiet breathing and the faint rustle of sheets while you struggle to get comfortable alone.

Suddenly, Namjoon can’t help himself. He wants the picture painted for him, wants to savor and study it in the few remaining nights that he has to spend in this fucking cabin. Needs to know if you’re in that little sleep set he likes so much — the one with the silky top and those tiny, little shorts that leave nothing to the —

“What are you wearing?”

Thank fuck for the huskiness of his voice just then for the way it covered how embarrassingly he blurted that question out. It feels juvenile as hell to ask, like he’s texting his first girlfriend from his parents’ phone plan, thinking he’s playing it cool. The bulge growing in his sweatpants over something so minimal feels juvenile, too.

Fuck.

Has he always been so bad at this?

You reply on a breeze, and it’s clear that you’re covering, too — and that you’re messing with him, as usual. “Why? Worried I’ll catch a chill?”

“So, not much, then?” He counters, eyebrow twitching reflexively.

When you respond, the smirk is evident in your tone. “I wouldn’t go that far. Your shirt is pretty big on me.”

Goddamn.

Namjoon’s first thought is that he’d like to retract his previous statement. Those little pajamas of yours can fuck right off; your current state is the one he likes best. This is what fucks him up the most: picturing his wife draped in his clothes, leaving them smelling like vanilla and honey.

His second thought is to wonder whether or not you hear him sigh when his hand drifts from his side to the cock throbbing in his sweatpants. Palming himself through the fabric, he decides immediately that your hand feels better, even though it’s smaller.

“Theft is a crime, Mrs. Kim.”

It comes out the tiniest bit strained, but Namjoon doesn’t care. He’s doing his best, isn’t he?

“Be careful what you admit to.”

“Then I’ll just admit to missing you, Mr. Kim.”

His grip on himself tightens literally but by no means figuratively. Holding back a groan, Namjoon eggs you on. “Prove it, then. I want to hear how much you do.”

If he wasn’t listening intently for any sign of his impact on you, Namjoon might not have noticed the way you cursed under your breath just then. He didn’t, though. He heard that perfect little slip-up, and he needs to hear it again — that, and any other sounds he can pull from you. It’s only been a week since he last heard them in-person; he doesn’t know how he’s managed to go even that long.

“Tell me how,” comes your little plea on an exhale. He lets a second pass in silence, building tension so you’ll ultimately resort to begging.

In the end, you do.

“Please, Joonie.”

Goddamn.

There are a million reasons why you’re thankful for Kim Namjoon, but for now, the one at the forefront of your mind is his innate ability to stay one step ahead of you.

When your phone rang earlier, you didn’t have to reach for it; it was in your hand already, and you were trying to talk yourself out of bothering him. You’d kept to yourself since he left for that reason: the fear that you’d throw a wrench in his creative process, or that you’d wind up haunting his voicemail like some bored, lonely, ever-horny specter.

He beat you to it.

Later, when you were halfway into your conversation — him filling you in on his surroundings and works in progress — you struggled to focus on what he said because of how he said it. Voice almost rough from how little he’s used it in the past few days, hushed in order to complain about the friend on the other side of the wall. You’d closed your eyes and could almost feel him murmuring directly in your ear the way he would be, if he were laying next to you.

The hand not holding your phone to your ear kept migrating with every — distinctly non-sexual — word he gifted you, drifting down the length of his t-shirt and coming to a stop at the waistband of your underwear. You didn’t go any further, no matter how badly you needed to. In fact, you tried your best to concentrate; to listen past his tone and hear him.

You froze when Namjoon asked after your outfit, as if he’d caught you out somehow. For a minute, you wondered if he could hear the cotton through the phone and sense that you’d nicked it from him shortly after he left. Then, it dawned on you.

His thoughts had already raced off where yours were heading. He needed a visual while he waited for you to catch up; and when you took too long, he decided to get you there himself.

“Please, Joonie,” you beg, refusing to move your hand any lower until you’re given the green light.

If you can bring yourself to be honest about it, part of the reason you hesitate is that you’ve gotten worse at this. Although there was a long stretch of time where you were all you had, those days are long gone now. These days, you’re spoiled rotten. You don’t have to do this yourself.

What if you can’t now?

Namjoon simpers in the way he always does when his ego’s been boosted. The way that drives you insane, every time. “You shouldn’t be wondering if I can make you cum from this far away,” he tuts.

Caught out once again, you swallow hard.

“Ask yourself how many times.”

A needy, little whimper slips out of your lips before you can bite them.

It’s a bit embarrassing how desperate you’ve gotten in such little time apart, but really, who could blame you? Who could have this menace on the other side of the line and hold out longer? His voice alone has you halfway to gone already.

There’s a slight shift on his end that sends your thoughts spiraling again. Squeezing your eyes shut tighter, you listen for the small change in his breathing to confirm that he needs to mimic your touch, too.

“Slip your hand down between your thighs,” he instructs in a low tone. “Tell me how it feels.”

You listen, fingers slipping under the waistband of your underwear, trailing over the mound of your cunt. When your middle finger dips between your folds, you let go of a breathy whine and drop your head back against the pillow beneath it.

“Embarrassingly wet,” you admit with your cheeks starting to burn. “It’s — god, Joon, what did you do to me?”

“Inviting, isn’t it? Fucking perfect.”

That’s not a way you’d thought to describe yourself, but now that it’s being murmured so reverently into your ear, you can’t find it in you to disagree.

“Do me a favor,” Namjoon hums. “I can’t tease your clit myself, so I need you to do it for me, baby. Tide yourself over with your fingertip until you can have my tongue.”

It’s not the most articulate statement you’ve ever uttered, but you mean it more than most things when you hiss, “Fuck.”

The pad of your middle finger swirls languidly over your clit, and the closer you find yourself to the edge, the easier it is to forget that it’s your touch ushering you there. With your eyes shut and his voice guiding you, your brain fills in the blanks, envisioning your husband in the space between your legs. You swear you can feel the heat rolling off his body. But then again, it’s his narration that’s really got you burning up.

“I’m still trying to decide what I want to do with you when I get home,” he says before sucking a thoughtful breath in through his teeth. You hear his tongue click, playful yet confident. “Maybe I’ll start by burying my face in that perfect pussy of yours, so I can feel you gushing firsthand and lap it up.”

Shit, shit, shit.

Thank fuck for your vivid imagination and the visual it gives you of Namjoon flicking the tip of his tongue over the button of your clit. His chin already shining, heavy-lidded eyes fixated on you as he licks, nips, and suckles. Daring you to look away while knowing you’d never dream of it.

“I’ll have to hook my arms under your thighs to keep you open for me — gotta keep you pinned where I want you, even when you shake.”

You’re panting now. There’s a light sheen of sweat breaking over your forehead, though it doesn’t do a thing to fight the heat that swallows you whole.

“Hold me however you need to,” you moan. “Don’t let me go.”

“I think you want to let go, baby.”

He sounds so cocky, and you can’t fault him for that; he’s right. You’re so close to your orgasm that you can feel its tingle building from the crown of your head to the tip of your toes. The arousal seeping around your finger makes it harder to find purchase, but you pick up the pace anyway, pressing harder against the bundle of nerves.

“You’ve listened so well, so far. You deserve to cum, don’t you?”

You nod so eagerly and pathetically — so completely unseen by the person you’re attempting to respond to — but can’t vocalize much more than a wail.

“Say it out loud, and I’ll let you, sweetheart.”

Your desperation reaches a fever pitch.

“I do!” You damn near yelp, “I deserve it — I need it. Wanna cum so badly, Joonie, please let me.”

You can hear the soft smile in his voice when he tells you to cum. That’s all you hear; everything that comes after it is muffled when the bomb inside you detonates and leaves your ears ringing. Back arching off the bed, waves of pleasure roll through your limbs, and your body shivers involuntarily.

Through your wanton mewling, Namjoon gives you an additional instruction: “Slip two fingers inside. Fuck yourself through the crash, beautiful.”

“Oh, my god,” you hiccup uselessly.

Have you always been this eloquent?

Fuck.

Even if words have failed you, your body hasn’t. It scrambles to follow your husband’s directive with an eagerness you may never have experienced before, like your muscles were waiting for his signal, rather than the one from your own neurotransmitters.

Your middle and marriage fingers slip through your slick without resistance, burying themselves in your dripping cunt while a low groan rips through you. Your walls are still fluttering, contracting wildly as you sink inward to your second knuckles.

“I’m jealous of you, you know. I wish I could be the one you’re clamping down on now.” The low timbre of his voice vibrates down your spine. “I bet you can still feel that orgasm rolling through you. What do you think, sweetheart? Can you give me another one before the first fades away?”

If you manage to survive the night, you may have to kill him for how deadly he’s proving to be, but you swallow that thought down with whatever feral, gasping sound you threaten to let go of next.

“Curl your fingers upwards for me. Stroke that sweet spot the way you like — wanna see if you can make yourself squirt like I do.”

Everything that follows seems to happen around you, not to you, because your soul starts floating somewhere near the ceiling fan that hangs over your spent body. The flood comes, and you lose whatever grip you have on reality, as well as the one you had on your phone. It tumbles somewhere off to the side. Maybe? There’s a scream, you think, which presumably flies out of your mouth.

Delirious and out-of-breath when the tide ebbs, you reach out your hand and pat blindly around the mattress for your cell phone. Somebody needs to inform your husband that his exorcism was, in fact, successful — or that you’ve died — if he couldn’t hear as much himself. You suppose that someone will have to be you.

Namjoon is doing his best to keep his quiet laughter to himself when you ultimately snatch your phone off the floor and pull it back to your ear.

“I wasn’t sure if that thud was your phone or your body,” he teases. “You good, sweetheart?”

You collapse back against the bed with an unceremonious grunt, screwing your eyes shut only to find that the stars are still there, swirling aimlessly. “Ask me again in ten minutes,” you mumble, sounding even more pathetic than you did earlier. “Or call my time of death. Dealer’s choice.”

Namjoon sighs forlornly, “Rest in peace. Our time together was far too short.”

You’d roll your eyes if you had the strength to open them, but you don’t. Instead, you let your limp neck give out; your head rolls to the side until your cheek winds up pressed to your pillow. It comes out garbled and breathless, trailing off at the end:

“Did you…?”

“Nah.” He chuckles again once he senses where your question was headed. Quickly, he elaborates, “But don’t worry about me, baby. There’s only one place I plan on finishing, and it’s not a cabin in the fucking woods.”

You pout, although the suggestion makes you everything but sad. “Come home soon, please.”

“I think home already came.”

When you finally exhume yourself from your sheets the following morning, it’s only because your phone vibrates so loudly against the nightstand that you had no choice left. Curiosity, as always, gets the best of you.

You scoot closer to the edge of your bed in order to reach the source of the buzzing, fully anticipating some photo of whatever Namjoon has scrounged up for breakfast — proof that he actually can navigate a kitchen without you present to supervise.

Namjoon’s name is listed when you open the thread. Unfortunately, not as the sender.

Yoongi [07:47]: ATTENTION KIM FAMILY! keep an eye on your mailbox. my therapist will be billing you both directly for the shit i had to overhear last night.

Your eyes widen far enough that they might fall out. The rest of you cringes so completely that your already-sore muscles ache even worse, although you might deserve that.

Before you can even begin to formulate a response, another pair of texts vibrates into your rigid grip.

Yoongi [07:48]: btw, joon - i made breakfast. you’re NOT allowed to look me in the eye while you eat it. Yoongi [07:48]: filthy ANIMALS

bts permanent taglist:

@sailoryooons @ugh-yoongi @gimmethatagustd @chimmisbae @somerockstarsgf @mgthecat @whatthefsposts @kookstempo @xjoonchildx @quarter-life-crisis2 @persphonesorchid @ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhintothevoid @firesighgirl @iadelicacy @cowboylikeyoongi @minholykingofkorea @serendididy @withluvjm @bbyorchid @nonbinary-demonbrat @piecsblog @myimaginationsrunningwild @zelchena @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d @pamzn @cyanide-mustard @taegeum @purplebeebs @i-purple-buff-bunni

multi permanent taglist:

@jihopesjoint @bahng-chrizz, @variety-is-the-joy-of-life

also paging @daechwitatamic, @yoongiphoria and @here2bbtstrash because they vibed with the main series, lmao.

#namjoon #namjoon smut #namjoon drabble #namjoon x reader #bts smut #bts drabble #bts x reader #kim namjoon #bts #re: lacuna #re: homecoming #jade writes #jade’s drabbles #kvanity

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justasparkwritings · 3 years

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Peace: Coming of Age

Pairing: Jungkook X Reader

Genre: Angst / Slice of Life

Rating: PG15

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Swearing

Summary: Jungkook takes his first steps in creating a life for himself.

Listening: peace by Taylor Swift

Peace Master List

Jungkook paced the room, the grey walls agitating him as he searched for answers. He’d filmed the video five times. Three with a hoodie on, two without. He kept refilming to perfect his vocals, or at least that’s what he told himself. Perfectionism was easier to grapple with than baring his soul to millions. Was he ready to show the world what he’d done?

Jungkook had spent the last third of his life in the spotlight. The articles, photos, videos, all captured him growing up. He went from a fresh-faced tween barely through puberty to a full-fledged man. He had grown in front of their eyes, finished high school, and debuted with a band that had captured the world’s attention. He had been taken under the wings of Jin and his five other hyungs. They had watched him struggle, both academically and professionally. They had guided him through the drastic changes in his life, from leaving his family to relentless dance practices and endless vocal lessons. They guided him when he was falling apart, and through their love he had grown into the man he could happily say he is. He’d taken little parts of their personalities and combined them into his own. It was hard to tell when JK ended and the six hyungs began.

Jungkook hadn’t told the rest of BTS of his plans, of what he wanted to do in order to feel that he had completed his metamorphosis. He was cagey, dodging glances and prying questions. He was private, but there wasn’t anything he couldn’t tell them. Except this. It wasn’t until they had snuck up on him one day and caught him reading an article about the significance of tattoos in western culture that they grew concerned that he would taint his flawless skin.

Hoseok sat him down first, tone damning, asking him what he intended to do, and why would he choose to ruin his body? Through the years Jungkook had become accustomed to Ho-Seok’s aversion to anything that would harm or change his physical form. Dying his hair was the closest thing he would do, and even that felt like he was desecrating a sacred temple. He didn’t pierce his ears, he certainly would not get tattoos, and though he had an unusually sunny disposition, body modification of any kind made Ho-Seok’s skin crawl. He respected his members decisions to pierce their ears, two, three, five times, but him? No thank you. He had thought that tattoos were always going to be off limits, even when years prior Jungkook had expressed his desire, on camera, to stain his skin. No member had committed to something so permanent. Piercings close, hair can be dyed back, but this?

Hoseok couldn’t tell if he was mad at JK for recklessly ruining himself, or worried that his decision would endanger the rest of them.

So, he pled his case, and a day or so later, Namjoon tried to talk any sense into JK. He knew it was no use, but as leader he was mandated to speak to him.

“Why do you want to do this?” Namjoon asked. They were seated outside, beers in both their hands.

“Do you feel like yourself, 100% of the time?” Jungkook countered, glancing at the fading sun.

“90% of the time, yes, I do.” Namjoon responded.

“And you feel comfortable in who you are?”

“Why are you interrogating me?” Namjoon stared at his golden maknae. He had raised this boy, crafted and melded him into the man sitting in front of him. Had it been too much?

“You write most of our lyrics, you express your emotions.”

“Yes, and I understand how you’re feeling,”

“Do you? I am me trying to navigate this life that I somehow signed up for when I was a child. I have had to conform every day of my life. I have struggled to find my identity, to showcase who I am, without ever having the time to grow or discover myself. Now I’m a man, who doesn’t know any life outside of constant cameras and the six of you guarding me. What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours, but what if there’s nothing of me? What if they’ve taken it all?”

“You signed up for this Jungkook,” Namjoon felt defensive. His moves, silent and unseen, had pushed Jungkook to this position. His invisible strings had carved him from a child to an adult, his guidance had constructed the golden boy. Namjoon had nurtured Jungkook to be strong in his convictions and fierce at heart. He encouraged his hobbies, to obsession at times, and pared space for him to study and learn, encouraging him to speak English. Didn’t Jungkook know himself better than any members did?

“The devils in the details, Namjoon,” He countered.

“So, what, to feel like yourself you need to permanently decorate your skin?” Namjoon felt the anger rising. Big Hit would surely blame him for this.

“It’s a part of me, a part of me that I am trying to hold onto. I don’t want to hide part of myself because I’m being told I’m supposed to. I want to be me, I want to make choices for myself,” Jungkook’s passion was evident in the grip he had placed on his glass.

“And what if that part of you changes?” Namjoon wanted to know.

“Are you still the same person you were when we started?” Jungkook asked.

“No, I’ve grown, and I’ve learned a lot,” Namjoon sat back and thought about the challenges he’d overcome in the time BTS had been together.

“Then give me the space to do the same, hyung, please,” Jungkook pleaded.

Namjoon nodded, recognizing that molding Jungkook into the perfect band member had done more damage than he realized, the cracks were beginning to form. When Jungkook had joined, RM and Seokjin had been placed as his guardians. They were to protect him, keep him focused, help him grow. He was a child, a baby, compared to the older two. His insecurity and shyness had tried to swallow him, and would’ve if not for the doting care the members had given him. Namjoon had, in a word, overstepped. His grip on Jungkook’s life was impenetrable to the point that sometimes it was hard to know where Namjoon ended and Jungkook began. He wasn’t raising Jungkook, he was manipulating him. The devil had always been in the details, at the hands of Big Hit, that devil was Namjoon.

“Jin’s supposed to try and knock some sense into you…” Namjoon said, standing.

“What’s he going to say that you and Hosoek-hyung haven’t?” Jungkook asked.

“I don’t know, but listen to him,” Namjoon reminded the maknae to respect his elder, something he had thrown away when speaking with Joon.

Namjoon left, leaving JK to sit in his thoughts. He didn’t know when Jin was planning on showing up, and he wasn’t sure he could handle another confrontation and berating. Jungkook was lost in his thoughts, his glass slowly emptying when Jin strode in, keys in hand.

“Let’s go eat,” He said. Jungkook nodded, following him.

As they sat at their usual table, drinks on their way, Jin wasted no time diving in.

“They’ve all been hard on you?” Seokjin asked.

“Yes,” Jungkook responded.

“Well, what do you want me to say?” Jin questioned.

“That you support me,” Jungkook’s gaze never strayed from the empty spot in front of his glass.

“What does management say?” Jin asked, ignoring Jungkook’s suggestion.

“That they can’t technically stop me, but I’ll always be covered. No t-shirts on tour, music videos, anything. If everyone’s in a tank top, I have to be in a tank top with a jacket or long sleeves.”

“Even in summer?” Jin questioned.

“Even then,” Jungkook answered.

“And you’re okay with that?” Jin wondered.

“Yes,”

“Alright, have you thought about ARMY?”

“I can’t imagine they’d be mad at me,” Jungkook said, glancing at Jin. Jin was calm. Jin was always calm, particularly when it came to heady conversations about the direction Jungkook was taking.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Jin left it at that. He quickly moved to ask Jungkook what he wanted to order, their usual banter resuming.

Jungkook sat in the tattoo artists main chair, arm exposed, hand at the ready. The artist asked if he was without a doubt positive he wanted ink decorating his dominate appendage, and he nodded, telling them that each item stood for something. As the artist began, he recounted why.

“The inverted V is for Taehyung, that’s his nickname. He’s funny, and charismatic. The most indecisive person. He is one of the best dancers, and just makes me laugh all the time. He comforts me when I’m upset and is always making sure that I’m okay. RM is for Namjoon, he’s the eternal leader. He’s wise and thinks before he acts. But he’s clumsy. He always pushes me to think deeper, to find the emotion that a song needs, or to remind me to slow down when I’m pushing myself too hard. RM’s our guiding light. M is also for Yoongi, who understands the parts of me that I sometimes think no one does, but he also doesn’t understand the fundamental parts of me… The Y completes ARMY, I am nothing without them.”

The phrase had become common place, BTS is nothing without ARMY. They eat, sleep and breathe ARMY. Who are they if ARMY doesn’t stand beside them, encouraging them on?

ARMY was the reason for his success, but they were also the thorn on his rose. Army watched every move he made, every note he hit, every smile cracked. They’d glommed onto him immediately. Isn’t Jungkook so cute? Did you see how Jungkook dances to Boy in Luv? Have you seen his smile? They cheered when he succeeded and picked him up when he fell. As much as the members had raised JK, he recognized that ARMY was the reason he had to be raised by his hyungs in the first place.

Being raised by people other than your parents is an odd experience. Leaving home and forging a new path without so much as a safety net below would be scary to anyone, but particularly for a child who hadn’t experienced much outside of his home. Jungkook had talent, anyone could see it. He had potential, because he had potential, Big Hit had taken a chance on him. They had molded him and groomed him into a superstar. So much so that by age 23, a song dedicated to him negotiating his stardom with quality of life would become a sexual anthem. Big Hit’s ownership of his existence had sent him into many a tailspin. He compensated the only way he could: working himself to extreme exhaustion and spending nights drunk in the dorms. The other members addressed it delicately, but when his back was turned, they spent countless hours discussing the “problem with Jungkook”.

Perfectionism is often a sign of OCD, a way to control what feels uncontrollable, a way to manage anxiety and stress through precise and repetitive habits. If practice was four hours, Jungkook danced eight. If it took Jimin ten takes to nail an eight count of vocals, Jungkook took twice that. He practiced diligently, sweating through layers and layers, never satisfied until his body gave out. He worked out seven days a week, often hours long sessions not including time with trainers. He was obsessed with his physic and how he could make it stronger. BTS often worried and tried delicately to address their concerns. Jungkook wouldn’t listen, until he blew his heel out an needed stitches. What was meant to be a wake up call ended up giving him more focus and increasing his desire to be perfect.

“Perfect for who?” Suga had asked during an intense discussion of Jungkook’s workaholic tendencies. Jungkook stared at him, Suga, who hates working out, hates other people, and would be content to sleep for days on end, was asking him a stupid question. He turned to Ho-Seok, who nodded.

“Perfect for ARMY, perfect for him,” Ho-Seok had responded.

Hoseok and Jimin both nodded. The three of them formed the dance line, the strongest dancers with Taehyung closing in at #4. Together they banked hundreds of practice hours, innumerable tapings and work ups by the medical team, and were responsible for BTS’ dance routines coming together. They bore the brunt of the work, and their bodies, though young, managed the wear and tear. Ho-Seok worked hard, but Jungkook worked harder.

Namjoon listened to every conversation about Jungkook with ears peeled, writing down any information he needed. If there was a problem with Jungkook, it would soon fall to Namjoon to correct, though his perfectionism had been a drug Namjoon had heavily pushed.

“What’s the J for?” The tattoo artist asked, pulling Jungkook out of his thoughts.

“That’s for Jin, Jimin and J-Hope,” He responded, looking down at the work being done on his body.

“They’re your elders?”

“Yes, Namjoon and Seokjin raised me. They’re all my brothers, but Namjoon and Jin helped me study, they encouraged me, bought me food and made sure I was spending enough time on studies and training. Jin drove me everywhere before I could drive myself, and he spent years teaching me how to be a good person, and a good man. Jimin’s a terror, and Ho-Seok is the only one who understands my drive.”

“The plus signs tie you together?”

“Yes,”

“The heart? And the symbol?”

“ARMY will know.”

Jungkook had waited a few days before displaying his ink to BTS. They were skeptical and unsure how they liked what he had done to his right arm. They were honored he had chosen his hand to honor them and concerned what it meant for him going forward.

Jungkook wasn’t ready for the world to see, and neither was management. He spent the first few months with band aids on his hand until his ink was healed, then layers and layers of make-up.

As he paced in the gray room, a cover of Never Not waiting to upload, he decided to honor himself, to honor his heart, and post the video where his tattoos were exposed. Management had said he could share them when he was ready, and it would be at that point that they stopped covering them in make-up, except in specific situations where his ink would be a detriment to the group. He took a deep breath, like his ink, this choice was permanent.

Once the dust of his ink settled, through a few poor choices and copious empty liquor bottles, he found himself out in Echo Park. A stranger had commented on his ink, and Jungkook’s mind wound back to the conversation he’d had with the tattoo artist about them. His tattoos meant something to him, and their meaning intensified every day.

This is why, on a chance encounter in a low-light restaurant in Echo Park, Jungkook had been so taken with yours. The delicate ink on the back of your arm, the art creeping up your calf sent a shock through him. Who were you, and what did these symbols mean? He cautiously went up to you at the bar, nodding at the bartender who asked for his ID immediately. He flushed. Should he abandon ship?

You turned and smiled. It was blinding.

“Hi, I noticed your tattoos,” He said, thankful he had spent the past few years working on his English.

“Oh,” You were unsure how to respond.

“They’re really beautiful,” He said, his cheeks flushing again. Having spent his youth in Big Hits control, flirting wasn’t a game he knew how to play.

“Thank you,” You responded, your cheeks turning rosy.

“Can I buy you a drink?” He asked, right eyebrow raising. You smiled at the quirk.

“Yes, and you can tell me about yours,” You said, already making sense of the ink in front of you, and the man it belonged to.

“I’m Jungkook,” He said, extending the same hand you had been admiring.

“I’m Y/N,” You said, extending yours to shake.

Jungkook swore the earth began to quake at that very second, your skin meeting his for the first time, your smiles blinding the patrons of the restaurant. Everything melted away as the heat from your bodies glued you together. It was in the moment after, when you had unwillingly returned his hand to him that he realized his coming of age had come and gone, he had transitioned into a man, ink and all.

Next: Wasting Your Honor

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

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3 I don't think jk feels that way. He loves to protect jm why would he want jm to take even more heat by making things clearer to the fans? Not to mention except nibbling on jm's ear, tatoos & gcfs are not a clear indication of what jk feels he also hides behind art (wich is very subjective) to express his feelings and even denied jm being his main model. Even V has been more direct about writing songs about jm. So for him to be frustrated with jm would be unfair & hypocritical which idt jk is.

This post you mean??

I didn't feel the need to get into it directly because everything you said in here is based off of a misinterpretation of my post- the post in response to the Anon who said there seems to be a strain on Jikook's relationship, for context.

I never said or implied your premise, ergo your entire argument is pointless? Lol. If I had to respond to it, it would have been 'No. You didn't understand it correctly.'

Maybe you should read over it again?

I mean, no one else seem to have had that impression in the comments apart from you?What is it in that post that gave you that impression? Maybe I should read over it too... Damn.

I simply pointed out in response to the Anon, that JK seems much reserved in the way that he expresses himself towards Jimin mostly post JM's birthday. Which may or may not confirm my earlier suspicions about the whole JM birthday saga- which as I said, again, I don't want to make conclusive statements on because it's an on going phase and so it's a bit hard to reconstruct the timeline.

I said and meant and intended to mean, that if JM and the company or even BTS had expressed disapproval on JK wanting to post on JM's birthday then JK choosing not to express himself openly in regards to JM in the aftermath would be understandable. Jk seems like the all or nothing kinda guy to me- I've been saying.

They are either treating the glass closet as a glass closet or not. Which would mean JK stops his bold gestures and expressions towards JM and JM stops publicly doting on JK and expressing himself towards him in the way that he does.

But if JM is going to dot on him openly and express himself openly with regards to JK, then JK should be allowed to do the same- however way he prefers.

I didn't say I felt JK is frustrated because Jimin does whatever you are saying. All I said is I feel he gotta be frustrated if he cannot express himself the way that he wants to- especially given his personality and his background.

He often talks about not being censored much growing up as a kid and so he is used to having his way and doing things the way he wants.

My point being that Jimin expresses a certain level of 'nervousness' sometimes with the way JK expresses himself with regards to him. Especially since JK's 'bold' moves often times scratches against their glass closet to the point it can be considered 'outing.'

Jk posting on JM's birthday when he hasn't done that for anyone in the group since Jin's birthday last year would have been borderline "outing" considering. And as I said, I don't think that would have sat well with either Jimin or the group or even BigHit because it would raise a lot of brows and have people questioning whether there's more to Jikook's relationship.

Frankly, as I pointed out, given the circumstances people would raise questions over whomever he chooses to post for next regardless, especially if he doesn't post for anyone else after that- it would be world war Z up in these streets I tell ya. Lol.

JK has had his passions sabotaged over the years- his GCFs I mean, and this was one of the means he had to express his authentic self and his raw feelings as a person and as an artist. Expressing his feelings clearly is important to him as much as recieving.

And if he cannot express himself with regards to the person he loves in the way that he wants then that's got to be frustrating to him, in my opinion.

And when you think that the person he loves can get away with blurting out things like that 'the best thing in his life is waking up to see his boyfriend's face in the morning' in a middle of an interview then you'd understand what I mean.

The members booed at JM for that yes, but I don't think had JK said that, that they would have had the same reaction to him- did you see their reaction when Jk blurted out 'arrest me' when Jimin said he wanted to be a police officer or something?

That doesn't mean JM doesn't make similar bold moves that are equally risqué in regards to JK. Just saying he often gets away with it because majority of the fandom don't take him seriously at all, lol. They often dismiss his moves towards JK as fanservice or tie it to his "naturally kind and affectionate" personality.

As to whether that is fair or not- honestly I don't care. Lol. I'm more interested in observing their interactions to try to understand the motivations behind their actions and behaviors- which again, are all just theory and assumptions.

Honestly, I don't impose my judgment on Jikook's actions in that way. If I had to, I'll just say they are both wrong and they are both right and all is fair in love and war. Because I sort of understand the motivations behind these actions even if they are just theory.

But I don't do the JK vs JM business- which is what it seems you are doing here?

I keep saying they both have valid needs. JK's needs are not less valid than JM's needs. Neither is JM's needs less Valid. They both have valid motivations for the choices that they make. From my perspective.

They both have downsides and upsides and I am well aware of it. I just don't mind. I mean, they are human in every sense of the word.

JK fuming whenever someone breathes near JM but he himself being Mr roaming hands premium is double standards. If you don't want Jimin touching others don't touch others. It's as simple as that. JM playing Mr 'I'm available never been wed' when he knows damn well he is in a committed relationship with Mr double standards roaming hands premium is foul play.

They both suck. Lol.

Yet I don't mind at all. I love them regardless.

Besides, as I said, from the feed back I got it seems you were the only one who had that impression? I would have made a post to clarify it sooner if I sensed from the responses that two or more people had had similar impressions of it.

I usually don't hold myself responsible for other's comprehension skills and it didn't seem like you were asking for clarification either? May be next time ask for clarification if you are uncertain about anything instead? I don't know. Just do whatever makes you happy I guess.

There were certain statements you made in here that I found interesting regardless- the part dismissing JK's means of expressing himself but claiming V exresses his intentions better through his art....

You think may be V is able to talk openly about writing songs inspired by Jimin because there is nothing there to hide and his song lyrics aren't indicative of nothing?

I'm sorry but Friends seems like a very friend zoned conversation than a confession of romantic feelings to me.

I don't think JK wants to write a song about how Jimin is his bestfriend- Jimin would skin him alive. In my opinion. Lol.

Plus, when Tae tried to make a duet with Jimin the company (producer) allegedly didn't green light that project- I wonder why. Smirk.

Even as friends, there seems to be a limit they are allowed to go with their artistic expressions.

In JK's case, well Jimin have said he isn't really good at expressing his emotions and JK have admitted in recent times- in his Be Weverse Magazine interview that he is not particularly great at writing everything he wants to express.

Personally, before I heard him say this, I often felt he seemed to hold himself back a lot from fully expressing himself through his lyrics. He has a broad range of musical experience and honestly a rich lyrical palette from his various song recommendations throughout the years and I expected more from him when it came to his lyricism and expressions.

I don't take his lyrics for granted though because it is still one of the means through which he expresses his authentic self and after reading this bit about him, chilee I'm gone treat his lyrics like the gospel. Sorry Jesus. Lol.

I don"t know but perhaps he waters down on his expressions through his lyrics too- I mean there is only so much he can say without letting people into his inner psyche?

Dude had to sneak Stay past JM. Lmho. He's so cute.

The point I'm making is, you can't claim it is unfair for JK to use his art as cover to express his feelings for Jimin and then in the same breath praise another member expressing his feelings for Jimin through his art.

And the part about JM going out of his way and taking risks to break JK"s walls in their earlier dynamic... who asked him? Lol.

No seriously, who put him on that mission? He has his own Jikook agenda. I don't think he was doing JK a favor. Do you? I find that narrative problematic. Jimin is not a charity case. JK is not his 'console"ation price.

I don't think JK feels indebted to JM and I don't think he should. That's not love. I don't think Jimin wants his pity either. Again, that's not love.

Then the bit about JK protecting JM. I think I addressed it already. JM has a duty to protect JK as much as JK has a duty to protect him.

If him expressing his love for Jimin the way he wants to is him not protecting Jimin, then JM equally openly expressing his feelings for JK is him not protecting JK.

I won't hold this over you though because your response is based off of a misinterpretation.

Please let's not do the whole JK vs JM thingy next time. I get that a lot from my fellow PJMs here. Jikook are not enemies.

I had to respond to this because you said something about it not being fair that I didn't post the original Ask.

Please bare in mind you are Anonymous and it's hard to ask for clarification and stuff from y'all when I don't understand anything about the posts and comments you send in.

But at your end, I think you are in a better position to quote me and ask for clarifications if you want one. You don't have to. But I think it makes it easier to have certain conversations.

I enjoyed your thoughts. I haven't read them all yet but I will.

Stay safe. I purple you.

Signed,

GOLDY

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straykidsupdate · 4 years

Text

Stray Kids Members on GO LIVE and Making the Music They Want to Make

There's bedlam in the kitchen, as K-pop disruptors Stray Kids wreak delicious havoc on a sterile commercial space. They dance around wildly, waving stainless steel pots and pans in the air and tossing freshly pressed napkins and imaginary ingredients with relish and abandon. In the forefront, fiery rapper Changbin serves up his own potent sauce with a pummeling verse, while dancer Lee Know attempts to stir fry a handful of what appear to be rose petals behind him. A marching band, their plumes high and faces unbothered, carries on amidst the mess — a visual manifestation of the heavy bass ostinato that immediately invades the senses. It sounds disorienting, maybe even slightly dangerous. It looks like chaos.

Welcome to "God's Menu" ("神메뉴").

The Korean boy group's latest single boasts a big, brassy hook laced with trap beats and an addicting refrain ("this is our tang, tang, tang, tang," they shout), a recipe that has become their signature dish. A sonic successor to last fall's explosive "Double Knot," the track teems with a tireless energy and their hallmark bravado. The video imagines the eight members as chefs who confidently concoct their own art from scratch. "Taste so good, everyone loves it," Han raps, in a mix of Korean and English. "All our dishes taste so strong."

The culinary metaphor is laid on thick, bolstered by a charismatic performance that includes Korean formalities like "네, 손님" (which translates to "yes, sir and ma'am" in English) and TikTok-certified choreography that incorporates mixing, frying, seasoning, and, most notably, chopping. But for a group that's been cooking up homemade beats and flavorful lyrics in their bedrooms long before their 2018 debut, it's a savory declaration that feels more than earned. "We just keep on making new things," leader Bang Chan sings, cleansing the palate with a sweet melody. "Because we're one of a kind."

They bring that same level of confidence and clarity to their first full-length album Go生, a title that combines the English word "go" with the Chinese character for "life" and showcases the group's penchant for clever wordplay. Pronounced go-saeng in Korean, it translates to "hardship." The English title, GO LIVE, reflects their desire to move forward without any lingering inhibition. Consider the 14-track LP a reintroduction to Stray Kids.

"We tried to not think too much," Bang Chan tells Teen Vogue from Seoul, South Korea, where he's currently huddled in a room with members Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, and I.N. It's late June, and they're in the middle of their first week of promotions for the album, which means early mornings, long nights, and a whirlwind of music show performances, interviews, radio shows, and virtual fan engagements. And yet, even as it nears midnight, the members, ranging in ages from 19 to 22, are still easily excitable. Australia-raised Bang Chan acts as the group's tireless translator, and despite recent concerns, his accent sounds as prominent as ever as he explains how Stray Kids adopted a fresh mindset in preparation for Go生. "Of course, we thought a lot about what to put in the album and how we wanted to make it, but we went with the flow," he says. "We wanted everything to feel a bit more raw."

Stray Kids made their official debut under JYP Entertainment with the riotous and self-produced "District 9," an angsty blend of hip-hop and EDM that would ultimately define the group's characteristic intensity, both musically and lyrically. It laid the foundation for 2018's I Am… trilogy of EPs, which focused heavily on the theme of identity as they charged away from systems that sought to control them. The Clé series followed in 2019, which threw Stray Kids head-first into the thorny, often exhausting labyrinth of adulthood. Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han, who comprise the group's in-house production trio, known as 3RACHA, write about their own experiences, etching their personal dreams and worries into a diverse discography that spans six EPs, multiple mixtape singles, and special releases. But with Go生, they've emerged with newfound perspective.

For years, their music was fixated on the idea of bulldozing through obstacles that stood in their way. They wanted to outrun their problems. Now, it's clear: Growing up isn't about overcoming anxieties and struggles. Instead, it's learning to live in spite of them — to run freely alongside them.

As a result, Go生 is a release bursting with color and vitality, a celebration of life's mercurial nature. There's a song for every craving, and a tracklist that demonstrates the members' prismatic talents as rappers and vocalists. "Easy" delivers boundless swagger over a trap beat (and it's already been immortalized on stan Twitter); "Airplane" is Stray Kids at their most relaxed, a chill summertime vibe that's also a tremendous showcase for singer Seungmin; main rapper and all-rounder Han lets his voice soar on "Phobia," an electronic-synth track that examines the paranoia of losing someone (it was also the final song added to the album); "TA" is all high energy and thunderous chaos, perfect for a future encore set; and "Blueprint" shines with its funky bass line, bright verses, and fierce optimism ("I'll proudly achieve my dream," Felix sings in Korean, as translated to English).

"We wanted to show what Stray Kids is really about," Bang Chan says. And in doing so, Felix adds, they "experimented with a variety of genres." The fellow Aussie, who Bang Chan affectionately calls his little brother and who fans (known as Stay) refer to as their "sunshine," speaks with a warm timbre. His flow is even deeper and more distinct, and it's been a solid entry point for Stay and locals alike. Felix is a commanding presence on "God's Menu," a testament to his growth as a rapper and performer. When asked about his five-star performance, he gets shy. "I think everyone put their all into this song and into the album," he says. "Sit down, be humble," Bang Chan jokingly sings beside him, a reference to Kendrick Lamar's 2017 manifesto "Humble" and a demonstration of the leader's persistent playfulness.

"We've all improved a lot in terms of our performance," dance captain Lee Know says, much to the surprise of his members. It's not that they don't agree, it's just that his eager contribution to the conversation catches them off guard. He's not always so talkative during press interviews. And there's an audible cheer among the group as he continues. "Our dancing has gotten stronger. Our vocals have gotten stronger as well. But we're still honing those skills. And we'll continue to grow."

Hyunjin, whose own development as a rapper, dancer, and vocalist with a mellifluous falsetto is well-documented on the internet, agrees. "As we get older, we want to show Stay more sides to us," he says. The lithe performer's strength is his versatility. He's highly adaptable, so it's not surprising that he's been working on writing and composing his own music under Bang Chan's watchful guidance. "I want to show [Stay] something different," he adds. (And that's a promise he intends to keep.)

Youngest member I.N thinks they're maturing in other ways too. "We've all gotten a lot more good-looking," the lively vocalist says, very matter-of-factly. Laughter erupts in the room, and Changbin's cackle is unmistakable. Undeterred, I.N carries on. "When it comes to performance, I've personally gotten a lot faster at recording and memorizing choreography," he says. Lee Know is quick to jump in. "I.N's performance in 'TOP' really surprised me," the elder says. "He's in the center position for the hook, and watching him I saw just how much he's improved. He's more confident now."

I.N is happy he gave off such an aura. "When we were preparing for this album there were times when I didn't feel so confident," he says. So he turned to his members, who listened to his concerns and offered him feedback. He feels much lighter now. "One thing I realized after watching our 'God's Menu' stages is that we all look like we're enjoying ourselves more. We feel more free on stage. And it just feels easier."

The album's most surprising and reflective moment comes at the halfway point, courtesy of Han. Written by the teen multihyphenate, "Another Day" is soft and simple, but no less introspective than his previous cuts ("19" and "Sunshine"). It depicts a feeling of restlessness caused by burnout and the inability to "rest without worrying."

Han's inspiration for the song was largely himself. "It's been a tough year, and I knew it wasn't just me who felt that way," he says. "So I wanted to put those emotions into the song."

In front of the camera, Han exudes relentless charisma. He's quick-witted and wickedly funny. Off stage, he's one of the group's two MBTI-approved introverts (the other being Hyunjin), and he prefers to relax in a controlled environment: his room. In fact, if he doesn't have a schedule or a song to work on, he'd prefer not to leave his bed at all, choosing instead to watch YouTube and anime on his phone. As someone who's deeply inspired by visual mediums, it's in these calmer moments where creativity often strikes.

"Everyone goes through times where things don't work out the way you want them to," he says. "But I think it's important to remember that while you're going through a difficult time, you need to take a breath. Go do something for yourself … Break out of that negative mindset and open yourself up to new possibilities."

Each of the members has their own way of dealing with feelings of stress and anxiety. Changbin works on music. "It's my healing," he says. And he hopes it can be healing for Stay too; he teaches fans the basics of rap during semi-regular streams on V Live. Lee Know prefers to do nothing at all. This is why the members often say the self-assured performer is like water — whatever is bothering him just washes away by morning. But I.N needs time away from the older members. ("Leave me alone!" oldest member Bang Chan whines, mimicking the moody teen.) Hyunjin finds comfort in sentimental music and Korean dramas, and he's especially adept at communicating with fans on Instagram and V Live, where he addresses their worries and offers support in both Korean and English. "That heals my heart," he adds softly. Felix has taken up cooking and baking, even going so far as to buy an oven for their shared apartment's kitchen. His brownies are already beloved by the members and JYP staff. "Making something for someone and getting to share what I make… even a small compliment will make me feel relaxed and good about myself," he says.

Meanwhile, Bang Chan has a bad habit of "brainwashing myself into thinking that I'm not restless when I actually am." So he relies on the members, or "the kids" as he calls them, to help keep him in check. "Our first week of promotions was really tiring, but when I look on stage and see them — see Hyunjin, Changbin, Lee Know, see them all — it gives me a lot of strength. They make me feel at home." (The kids coo in jest beside him. "That's right!" Han shouts.)

Seungmin doesn't often feel anxious, but when he does there's nothing that a long walk and a good playlist can't fix. Lately, he's been listening to "Another Day." "Han surprised me [with this song]," the dynamic vocalist says. "I listen to it often, and it has inspired me a lot." Han, never one to pass up a compliment, replies, "Thanks, man."

While 3RACHA are largely responsible for crafting Stray Kids' music, the members are all integral to the process. "It's not 3RACHA's music, it's Stray Kids' music," Changbin says in English. "So the members' feedback is very important. I feel the best when they like it."

Case in point: "God's Menu." The group had originally recorded a different lead single, and they were in the throes of comeback preparations when Changbin played a demo of "God's Menu" for some of the members. According to Bang Chan, this happens a lot: "We go home, we play a demo, and we party to it." It's as simple as that. But then something unusual happened: Upon hearing "God's Menu," Hyunjin immediately knew he wanted to perform it. This was Stray Kids. The other members felt it too. "The lyrics expressed our music and confidence best," Changbin says in English, as his members cheer him on. ("Go, Changbin!" Bang Chan encourages.) "It's a song only Stray Kids could perform.”

And it was a theme that personally resonated with Bang Chan. "Back in the day, when we were releasing songs as 3RACHA, I always liked to relate my producing process with cooking and science," he adds. "It's just a really fun concept." (Astute fans might recall the 2017 3RACHA deep cut "Alchemistry," in which the industrious leader declares himself a "mad scientist.")

So 3RACHA went straight to the top — to the company's founder J. Y. Park — and asked if they could change the single to "God's Menu." They didn't expect much; the single had already been locked. To their surprise, however, JYP agreed with their judgement. And so have Stay: "God's Menu" is the group's fastest music video to reach 60 million views, and Go生 broke their previous first-week sales record.

"It's a really funny and very warm feeling knowing that he believes in what we do," Bang Chan says of JYP's support. "And it makes us want to try out even more of our various ideas."

Producer Mike Daley (Baekhyun's "Candy") experienced 3RACHA's creative process and various ideas first-hand in Los Angeles last May when Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han spent a day with him in the studio following the U.S. leg of the group's Unveil tour. They worked on two tracks, one of which would eventually become "Easy." Daley played an unfinished demo for the trio, and the reaction was immediate. "A few of the guys just started rapping," he tells Teen Vogue. Bang Chan workshopped the hook and melodies with a few of Daley's friends and collaborators, while Changbin and Han wrote the verses. "Spear [Changbin] and Han were in their own zone on their phones, writing," he recalls. According to Daley, Spear — a reference to Changbin's 3RACHA moniker SpearB — laid down the first verse, and the atmosphere was electric. "He was going crazy in the booth," he says. "It had a ton of energy. And that got everyone amped up to make the hook have as much energy as the verses were bringing."

Daley, a veteran of K-pop songwriting camps, was surprised by just how involved 3RACHA were in the studio. "They knew how to produce really well, so we were all arranging it together," he says. He also observed their teamwork. "It seemed like they each had their role and worked together well," he adds. "Spear and Han were focused on the verses, but when they heard a melody they liked, they'd look at Chris [Bang Chan]. They knew how to get the song done."

And that sense of creative autonomy isn't just exclusive to 3RACHA. Through self-produced digital projects like "SKZ-PLAYER," all of the members are encouraged to express themselves through their art. "It's a really good platform for us to showcase what we want to show Stay, something that they haven't seen before," Bang Chan says. In May, he surprised fans with "인정하기 싫어," which translates to "Don't Want To Admit," a vulnerable piano ballad that laid bare his heartache. Last year, Lee Know released "Dawn," a slinky dance performance he choreographed himself. Seungmin covered his favorite band, and fellow JYP artists, DAY6. "I am very grateful that we are able to sincerely connect with Stay through music," the floppy-haired vocalist notes. As for Changbin, he recently dropped "Streetlight," a solo track in which he wrestles with feelings of loneliness. And Hyunjin released his own video — a contemporary dance he produced and choreographed to Billie Eilish's "When The Party's Over." He titled it "Empty."

"I wanted to express a different feeling, one that I couldn't show through our own performances," the perceptive dancer says. He choreographed the piece to convey his longing to perform. That loneliness that comes at the end of a party, he says, is the same emptiness he feels when he leaves the stage. "That void I feel sometimes, I wanted to express that through choreography."

Han's "Close" was inspired by the 2004 film Closer, specifically its opening scene, in which a young woman locks eyes with a handsome stranger across the street. The idea of human connection, of seeing someone and wanting to know everything about that person, struck Han, especially at a time when people feel farther apart than ever. But it was too raw to share. "I didn't originally want to release 'Close.' I wanted to keep it to myself," he says. "But after showing it to the members, they encouraged me, and that motivated me to share it."

And they continue to share their artistry with Stay. Fans are getting an intimate look at the members' songwriting and melody-making prowess in "Two Kids Song," a web series that splits them into pairs and challenges each team to write, produce, and record an original song. For Stray Kids, the desire to keep learning and pushing themselves — as songwriters, as performers, and as young adults navigating the world around them — both inside and outside of the practice room, comes naturally. "We're artists," Bang Chan says. "It's right for us to express whatever we want through our creative process."

However, with unfiltered access also comes moments of real humility, a reminder that the relationship between idols and the community they foster isn't defined in scenes of uncritical loyalty and fan service, but rather in instances where they hold one another accountable. In a June livestream, Bang Chan reminded fans, "I don't want you guys to spread negative energy around. Stays, you guys are better than that." That sentiment was recently reciprocated when the group participated in a July variety show segment that many Black fans deemed racially insensitive. Stray Kids apologized in a personal statement posted to the members' shared Instagram account, in which they rejected all types of discrimination with a promise to do better by their fans everywhere around the world. "We are still lacking in many things and we are trying our hardest to become better," they wrote in Korean and English. "We would like to apologize to anyone if we have stepped on a rake. It was never our intention but due to our lack of understanding."

It's this honesty that resonates most with their fans. It's woven into heartfelt lyrics, tearful ending ments, social media posts, virtual hugs, home-cooked meals, and earnest reminders to deal with — not run away from — things that are difficult. It is the lens through which Stray Kids see themselves: never perfect, but always sincere. Mainly, it's how they expel their innermost thoughts and feelings, the joy and the agony of everyday life. Whether that's by working on music, or choreography, or refining a new dish, or bettering themselves, that's ultimately up for them to decide. It always has been. Their appetites are insatiable, after all. "The fact that we have the chance to make the music we want to make and talk about the things we want to talk about is really special," Changbin says. "It makes me more excited for what's next."

A day after talking to Teen Vogue, Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han set the KCON:TACT stage ablaze with an opening performance that showed the world just how hungry they are. “They always say the same excuses, while they’re complaining we’re producing," Bang Chan sings, the Auto-Tune heavy. "The passion I give it, nobody can kill." It's a bold statement for any group to make, especially one as young as Stray Kids. And yet, it's that measure of determination that's defined their careers since they were teens trapped on a hellevator with nowhere to go but up. One day they'll reach the penthouse. For now, they're learning to savor the ride and embrace the mess.

"We're going to enjoy this freedom," Bang Chan says, "and eventually we'll fly high."

#stray kids #200710 #ot8 #era: GO生 #t: article #t: interview #teen vogue

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rhydium · 3 years

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Info dumbo about the StarFinite story?

aright u asked for it anon GET READY [cracks knuckles] this is gonna be long so obligatory cut in 3, 2........

...1!

so the uh, the au! the story!! w/e yall wanna call it! full disclaimer, i only began working on this whole thing a while ago, but it's totally taken over my fukn brain. like, we're talking big hyperfixation hrs. am i cringe for being this invested in my own content? yes? cool i do not Care >:3€

i should also throw it out there real quick that i am kin w/ infinite, n this is actually one of my two canons (both of which are my own aus lmfao wow). i didn't go into it expecting it to be but sfsfsgdfs here we are ig!! for that reason it's got extra importance to me n this definitely contributes to the euphoria i get from it!! it's a lil odd writing ur own canon,,? but i kinda just go w/ the flow!

the au n, the story that i will start Eventually, revolves around infinite n starline (obvi) n it's honestly just ... the tl;dr is big healing momence n, what's this? uh oh sisters !!! they are falling in love 😳😳😳

uhhhh so infinite is an android, made by eggman. that's like, the most notable canon divergence here! super important context to have. i've got a whole big theory on the possibility of sega originally intending infinite to be an artificial being (which i explored in the works for my Other canon too), stemming from not only the scene in forces wherein infinite comments on sonic's "data", but a line of dialogue from tails in one of the last stages of the game where he Literally Says "so this is where eggman built infinite". that ... i mean. that contrasts w/ episode shadow pretty hard don't it?? would explain why that dlc was so rushed, n the comic too. ANYWAY adsfsfs um that's a seperate ramblepost. yeah!!!

they are also agender n use they/them (primarily) as well as he/him!! so i'll be refering to them w/ those pronouns!

after the war, infinite is taken in by the resistance n, instead of being dismantled, they're basically given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. it's agreed that they won't be reprogrammed, as despite the potential risks, it feels wrong to do so; like a violation of their free will, individuality n thinking. if infinite is to be a good person, it's not gonna be bc other ppl recreated their entire personality, it's gonna be bc it's what they themselves truly want. robot ethics idk man!! u can't tell me that sonic n co wouldn't offer this to infinite if they offered it to metal in IDW,,,, i am Standing By This!!!

it's, yknow, a bit rocky, at first. infinite has to really fight the urge to return to eggman (something they already tried once, before the resistance found them; they were cast out). it's a struggle against what they were built to do, against giving into unhealthy familiarity over facing a, while healthier, unfamiliarity. new faces, a new life, turning their back on their mission n creator, it's like, a lot.

they work for/with the sonic crew, rebuilding the world they tore down as deemed fitting justice, being closely monitored for a bit as a natural precaution. as it becomes apparent infinite truly no longer has any ambition to harm others (they don't have much ambition for anything, really), they're then granted more freedom, n start taking on more important missions!! it at least gives them something to do, keeps them occupied. they have issues with dissociation, unreality, whether they're truly a real person bc, well, android. feeling purposeless, n a lack of worth, especially. a need to prove themselves. heavy stuff. i'll kinda go into that a bit more in a sec. their work grounds them, if only temporarily.

n soooooo... IDW comic stuff happens. metal virus time. starline gets kicked out of the empire.

now, as the comics are ongoing, n as this is already an au, there's gonna be divergence, n i must admit i haven't planned out all that yet. there's a lot i have to consider!! infinite being w the resistance/restoration is a big game changer ... tho i Do believe that they were absent, likely on a far out mission during most of the chaos. eggman doesn't know abt them, nor does starline or anyone else other than the sonic crew; n some civilians that recognise them.

i'm not 100% sure of Exactly when it happens, but i think it's just after bad guys, that infinite is sent to locate n bring in starline. it doesn't prove too difficult. there's a whole, starline realising "oh fuck it's you???", some bickering n, the two don't hit it off right away. they're both kinda like. not mentally stable ddgddgdds,,,

so uh. starline ends up essentially going thru the same sorta shit as infinite. careful watch, rebuilding, all that jazz, making sure he can be trusted. he's like... very very lost, quite like infinite is. the world has kinda calmed down, in the meanwhile.

it's at this point i'm gonna go ahead n drop a bit of a ramble i subjected my friends to a while ago, to articulate the way i see the two, n their dynamic together!! i was considering making this it's own post a while ago!

analysing their characters a bit... let's look at starline. Like. so we have this, in bad guys, which SENT ME tbfh;

i feel like it's the moment that triggers starline onto the path he is rn canonically,,, he's clearly like. rly mad n bitter. the core of this?? he wants his work n his efforts to be acknowledged.

he's big angry. still kind of in denial at this stage. he has himself obsessed w/ the idea of making eggman see him as Worthy, that if he just tries hard enough, that'll happen. he's dependent on eggman's validation, n i mean, it's no surprise; he's followed him a Long Time by the sounds of it.

then in the recent issue, hold the fuck up, bc we got, This;

god. my god it's all comin together now homies. this???? this right here??? it is the CLASSIC "i have to do this to prove i'm strong n powerful n smart n worthy n should be respected please Give Me Acknowledgement" ..... n who else is Like That? can u see where im going w/ this?

i think most ppl are aware of infinite's character being extremely indicative of self worth/esteem issues n the need to prove themself, right?? the extreme adversity, repulsion, perhaps even fear toward the idea of being weak. the compulsion to prove otherwise, to show their strength, to become powerful, to conquer to make a point. their theme exudes this same energy as their behaviour in-game; an aggressive attitude, trying to assert themself, while if u rly listen...? the lyrics are actually really sad in places. it reeks of cover up, although composition wise, a v interesting thing to note is a lot of the more telling lyrics are prominent while some of the affirming ones are in the background. indicative of a desire to have their true feelings be heard but caught in a vicious loop?

okay okay that's yet Another different analysis. AHEM.

not to get deep on main (oh who the hell am i kidding that's the point of this entire thing) but i think starline has issues w/ his worth in a similar way to infinite. they both seem to have this need to Prove something, whether it's to others or themselves, n get caught in a toxic spiral of doing worse n worse things for Some kind of validation or acknowledgement. they'll go to really big lengths chasing that, n both of them ultimately sought validation in the wrong place n wrong way.

this is a big part of my starfinite dynamic,, n so, what happens, as they get closer n open up??? we have them BOTH realising together that they don't have to do fuck all to prove anything to anyone. they don't need to do all this to show they're strong n smart n worth something, not to anyone else OR themselves. they're enough as they are. they bond over that shared feeling that they have to do xyz, to prove themselves, n that desire to just finally be acknowledged n appreciated n help each other thru it. to help each other understand that other ppls approval, or lack thereof, doesn't define them, their strength, intelligence, and worthiness.

i feel like they have an interesting parallel between them in like... the above could be taken as a general analysis, but to go more in depth on this au specifically?? ...

starline followed eggman for presumably a long time n it no doubt left him feeling a heavy and deep regret for all that time wasted n spent on an unhealthy path. infinite kinda teaches him that what matters is what he's doing Now n also reminds him that if none of it happened, starline wouldn't have learnt a lot of the serious skills he has. n while starline still feels bad, he also realises himself that, he likely never would have crossed infinite's path if none of it happened. for that reason, he wouldn't take it back.

infinite has only been recently made, on the other hand. they haven't really existed long, yet, but so far their experiences haven't been very positive n it can be .... discouraging. starline sorta, shows infinite their limited experiences w/ the world are a very tiny fraction of what's out there, n things can absolutely change, yes, including for the better; that's the essence of life, a neverending, constant flow of change.

it's a big tale of moving on n letting go, honestly; made easier as they're doing it together. n as they heal n grow, well... these bitches gay. sfshshdgds like, ig that's putting it p bluntly but!! they start to trust each other, understand each other more. as they get to truly know who the other is, they both start developing The Feelings. they're both pretty oblivious n the reveal is totally unknown so far!! yeah, i know, bummer. i suck. boo. adafsfsds however i can say there will be lots of content in the making!! if that soothes the soul! i've got of ideas i hope to bring to life.

ofc there's still a lot of more specific things i haven't covered here so! if y'all want more juice hmu w/ more focused questions but !! this is the overview n i hope it was a decent read now that gave some uhhh! Cool Insight! yea!!! ✌

#jackal.txt #android infinite au #i need a proper name for this #infinite the jackal #dr starline #starfinite #long post #idw sonic spoilers

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izzyizumi · 4 years

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Digimon Adventures / Tri ~ x K@gerou Project / Mek@kucity @ctors “ Jinzou Enemy ” [“ Artificial Enemy ”] A.M.V [ music ( C ) Jin ] [ V O C A L O I D : M I K U . H A T S U N E ] featuring implied DUO/SHIP/O.T.P.: Taichi Yagami [“Tai Kamiya”] x Koushiro(u) Izumi [“Izzy Izumi”] also known as [Taishiro(u)]

PAST AMVS / VIDEO EDITS IN THIS SERIES: Kagerou Daze (Heat-Haze Daze) / Children Record [+Adv Chosen] / RED / Additional Memory and Imaginary Reload music edits for KageDaze / Days (short edit) / Lost Time Memory / Yesterday Evening / Summertime Record / Shounen Brave [+Jou] / Outer Science [+Villains] / Headphone Actor (short edit) / DAZE (short version / TV Size OP) / KOUSHIROS ? CYBER JOURNEY [+Maki] / Brave Heart x Kaien Panzermast [+Chosen Children] / Night Tales Deceive [Yobanashi Deceive] / [KOUSHIRO’S] Imaginary World / Mekakushi Code [Blindfold Code] [+Yamato&Sora&Adv Chosen] / Ultramarine Rain [+Mrs Yoshie Izumi; Izumis] / Imagination Forest [+Mimi&Jou] / Transparent Answer [TaiKou+Meiko]

Lyrics under the Read More (Inspiration from This FANmade P.V/Video) <- (NOT OFFICIAL) A.M.V initially finished: around midnight on August 31st, 2020 A.M.V creation began on: August 20, 2020

* THIS IS A P R E V I E W. TECHNICALLY, IT IS INCOMPLETE, A.M.V. MAY CONTAIN GLITCHINGS, ETC. I am aware of glitches / scenes that cut in too quickly and will fix them as I have time in the future. * NOTES / WARNINGS / SPOILERS / LYRICS UNDER READMORE

REPEATVERSE/EXTENDED STORY INTRODUCTION: HERE REPEATVERSE FIC/VERSE: HERE ( *note: extended summary contains some spoilers for the fic ) [however, it also explains the worldbuilding involved and plot setup!] ( YOU DO NOT NEED TO READ THE FIC TO WATCH THE AMVs ) [ This is INTENDED to provide an alternate means of storytelling !! ] ( * It’s ok to start on/only watch this current AMV ! ) [ *You may understand the story/implied timeline of things better if you begin from my “Kagerou D@ze” AMV, though it’s also not required! “Children Record” is also recommended as a starting point/upbeat song! ] { NOTE : PLEASE read my FAQ and “about” sections BEFORE interacting } [ Seriously, PLEASE, or I may / will likely block / not interact, or cease, interacting if it’s clear you blatantly didn’t ]

[ CONTENT WARNING: The song lyrics have heavy intended Depictions of D.e.p.r.e.s.s.i.o.n (in its original song/series format); In the fan P.V/original series., implied suicuide / self-sacrifice In this A.M.V, implied as P.T.S.D (more particularly) ] ( though self-sacrifice to a degree / psuedo-deaths are shown, it is not nearly shown as severe as in the original fan PV. ) { it is recommended to watch until the last second of this A.M.V. } [ also heavily implied: ANXIOUS!TAICHI ] [ KOUSHIRO probably shares much of the same ] { IMPORTANT NOTE: in this ficverse, I also headcanon BOTH being @.UTISTIC + ANXIOUS } { Please note I AM @.utistic myself } { So YES, I do know what I’m doing when creating about such. Thank You } (NOTE: The AMV here WILL end on a somewhat better implied note than … the Original fan pv/series, please just * TRUST ME on this) { * Linked: a spoilery chapter of the ficverse that ends the main story arc. } { DIGIADVS SPOILERS WARNING: a) some Tri!Taichi and Tri!Koushiro not-majorly-spoilery solo shots / light interacting moments from: Saikai, KOKUHAKU, Bokura no Mirai. b) A few particularly spoilery Koushiro-involved scenes from Kizuna. ( including a few particularly notable / spoilery moments involving Menoa ) [ the most major spoiler of the scene isn’t shown, but the aftermath is ] ( These Koushiro scenes have mostly all been covered by the Kizuna tie-in novels, [a second one here] along with the various TV spot previews, spoilery official caps and the like ) c) a scene from the final battle of Kizuna (involving Taichi) + (a certain Notable ITEM towards the end of the fight) } (this is also covered in the novels, but shown here in animated form) d) a couple very quick/brief scenes w/Taichi and Koushiro from DigiAdv 2020 01 ~ 03 * ( * also, a quick scene involving a certain Digimon from said eps )

- short version of implied story/plot of this series: T I M E L O O P S - Tri is here because … ah … … - let’s just say it’s probably AT LEAST ONE part of the “start” of it all ah - KOUSHIRO IZUMI VOICE : ( ‘ W H Y ’ ) - DO THEY MAKE IT TO THE END - @ TAICHI & KOUSHIRO, ARE YOU SURE YOU /WANT/ TO ——- - TBH HOW MUCH do KOUSHIRO or TAICHI even REALLY REMEMBER - MUCH LESS THE REST OF THEM - who even knows after a certain point anymore - timeloops are fun !! ! ! ( this particular song explains SOME of it … ) { WATCHING TO THE FINAL MOMENT IS RECOMMENDED }

LYRICS:

[ VERSE 1 ] “ ‘ When YOUR DREAMS have GONE, Then WHY R E P E A T THE DAILY G R I N D ? There’s NO POINT TO IT ’ ” …

A “ FANTASTIC” thing TO SAY …

And YOU, TOO: “ I’m in love with NON-REALITY. ”, YOU SAY IT WITH Your Fingers, THOUGH YOUR M O U T H SAYS NOTHING …

[ VERSE 2 ]

PEOPLE WITHOUT FACES AND VOICES, Yet you feel some “ CONNECTION ” WITH THEM, Of course, though, that CAN’T BE A “ MUTUAL L O V E ”, … ?

… Still, that’s the way it goes, CLOSING OUT ANOTHER DAY

But you P R E T E N D TO HAVE L I V E D, And then GO TO S L E E P …

[ INTERLUDE VERSE ] “ AH, IT’S SUCH A BORE ”

So you TRY to AVERT YOUR EYES,

EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN’T C L O S E THEM. …

HEY, considering you REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE “IT”,

ARE YOU WEARING A BORED FACE AGAIN

... AS YOU WATCH ME BEHIND THE S C R E E N ? [ CHORUS 1 ] > THAT’S NOT THE BEST PLAN OF ACTION < AND I K N O W YOU KNOW IT. TO DROWN IN DARK, WITHERED DAYS . . . MUST NO DOUBT BE P A I N F U L IF REALITY ISN’T A L I E, THEN WHAT IS IT ? IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, T H E N , HOW DOES IT SOUND LIVING TOGETHER IN A WORLD FABRICATED BY MEN ? [ POST-CHORUS VERSE 1 ]

IS THERE ANY POINT TO A PLACE THAT WOULD ONLY DENY YOU? JUST SAY “ NO ” TO EVERYTHING

... AND LOOK ONLY AT ME -----

[ VERSE 2 ] “ AH, TRULY FANTASTIC, ”

... YOU CAN CLAP FOR ME ,

BUT L I E S HAVE FILLED THE OUTSIDE WITH “JUNK”.

SAY, SINCE YOU’RE BURIED DEEP IN IT TO THE POINT OF P A I N

THEN WHY ARE YOUR EYES A V E R T E D NOW

... AS YOU S T A R E AT ME COLDLY ?

[ FINAL CHORUS ]

> THAT’S NOT THE BEST PLAN OF ACTION < AND I K N O W YOU KNOW IT. AT THE END OF IT, YOU KNOW YOU’LL FIND . . . A BOUNDLESS I S O L A T I O N . AS YOU R E P E A T YOUR D A Y S ,

IN A ROOM WITHOUT L I G H T

I BEGIN TO C R U M B L E , AND MY N O I S E RESOUNDS

“ I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL ! ”

I CRIED, AND Y O U SAID TO M E,

“ AS A TOY ONLY FOR TALKING TO ,

. . . I’VE GROWN B O R E D OF

--- Y O U ? ”

. . . ???

#taishiro #taishirou #taichi x koushiro #taichi x koushirou #izzyizumi amvs #izzyizumi posts #amv: artificial enemy #REPEAT TAISHIRO #REPEAT KIZUNA TAISHIRO #REPEAT KIZUNA TAICHI #REPEAT TAICHI #REPEAT KIZUNA KOUSHIRO #REPEAT KOUSHIRO #REPEAT 02 KOUSHIRO #REPEAT MENOA #ANXIOUS TAICHI #(FUN FACT 'Jinzou Enemy' aka 'Artificial Enemy' was the actual very 1st song in the originating K@gerou Project series!!!)#(the others all happened LATER. YUP THAT INCLUDES EVEN THE K@GEROU DAYS ONE THAT WAS LIKE THE 4TH SONG OR SO AFTER this one)#(so yeah in the originating series the characters and duos change and rotate between all the songs and such it's a PROJECT y u p)#(this ficverse is more specifically centered around a single ship with various spinoff ships in AUs and thus yes it is NOT a direct parody)#(MENOA DOES SHOW VERY BRIEFLY the most major scene with her isn't seen but YEAH THERE ARE SOME KIZUNA SPOILERS HERE)#(OK AND so I was hearing that K O R E A N stream was an official one??? SO. SO)#(ok. I wasn't going to post anything new because of familial situations. but this was pretty much already finished and i need Distractions)

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media101stephenmahon1505046 · 5 years

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Media 101 - Blog 1

Candy Royalle + Freed Radicals - Killing Us Softly (Australia 2017)

Morgane B, E. (2017) Killing Us Softly cover image. Retrieved from http://minoly.com/work/

Why did I choose this music video?

When choosing what video to watch I thought I would watch all 3 and see which one interested me more. I got really drawn in by Killing Us Softly, the music video was very well crafted and the lyrics made me want to learn more about this video.

How do you think identity is represented or portrayed in the video of your choice?

The main message for this music video is about how the world is “killing us softly” and by us it refers to the mainstream public audience. The things that are portrayed as killing us include the consumerism industry and even politicians. This video talks about how we are being killed by the unhealthy food we consume, by the upper class and even politicians. The main identity position talked about is socio-economic class, the division between classes is what is highlighted throughout the video and how the public are being targeted by the upper class. Another identity position could be gender, in the video it briefly went over how women are undermined and treated differently by men.

Who do you think is the intended audience for your chosen video, and why?

The intended audience is the mainstream media public, the audience can technically be anyone in countries corrupted by governments and big corporate businesses. The video is intended to open the audience’s eyes to the deception going on in the media, politics and with consumerism. The reason this music video was made and why the audience is the mainstream public is because they want to share their views on the world with everyone and explain their reasoning behind thinking the world is killing us.

What might be some potential stereotypes associated with the identity messages/themes of your chosen video?

One stereotype is that all politicians/higher class members of society (CEO’s, etc.) are bad and their ways are not right. My chosen video heavily reinforces this stereotype by portraying them as villains and the whole video is about how they are “killing us softly”. This interesting book talks about how corporate owners and big companies are trying to kill us chasing after a little bit of profit: https://www.amazon.com/Population-Control-Corporate-Owners-Killing/dp/0062359908

Morgane B, E. (2017) Politicians portrayed as demons. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ubfd3PmNMJk

Another stereotype could be about what is in the fast food we eat and how it is horrible for you. In this music video the point is reinforced, for example at the start the patties in burgers are portrayed as feces and being sold as “sickness ingested in stuff that doesn’t even resemble food”.

This article talks about why you should stop eating fast food and how it is slowly killing you: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/stop-eating-fast-food-why-fast-food-slowly-killing-you.html

Another article on how what we are eating is killing us: http://news.trust.org/item/20181129071628-7ygw5

Morgane B, E. (2017) Unhealthy fast food. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ubfd3PmNMJk

How effective do you think the video is in communicating its messages/themes in relation to current contexts of culture and society?

I think the video is effective and clear in the message/themes it is trying to portray and relates to the current society with political views and the growing intake of ‘unhealthy’ food. I believe the video relates both to NZ and most international culture as the messages portrayed are very common around the world. The effectiveness and relevance of the video in the future is very likely to still be very high as it seems it is unlikely to change or get much better.

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celloyougotabasss · 5 years

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Benjamin Francis Leftwich

On Thursday 5th April 2019, I had the absolute honour and privilege of watching Benjamin Francis Leftwich in Leamington Assembly, as well as his amazing support acts, Rosie Carney and Joe Dolman.

Bit of context: Benjamin Francis Leftwich (BFL for short) has been in my life (emotionally, lol) since probably year 11 I’d say? His first album ‘Last Smoke Before The Snowstorm (2011)’ tied in perfectly with my love for Ben Howard and Joshua Radin at the time – male acoustic singer songwriter. In hindsight, I think the reason why I loved him so much was because of the depth of his lyrics. It wasn’t just songs that meant nothing or just something on the surface level and you move on from; each song had purpose and a meaning, even if it wasn’t the meaning he intended, you could design it yourself.

Anyhoo – after that we all patiently waited 5 years for his next album ‘After the Rain (2016)’ (SO many good songs on there) followed by where we are now, 3 years later, with his most recent album called ‘Gratitude (2019)’. In between the release of his first and second album, BFL went super quiet on social media and making music. He later released a letter on his website – explaining that in April 2013, he had tragically lost his father to cancer. He said in an interview, ‘I was helpless. Without purpose… It was as if the sun had been sucked out of my sky in the most unfair and unexpected way. It totally broke me.’ (really interesting read the interview actually – here’s the link: http://diymag.com/2016/07/07/benjamin-francis-leftwich-interview-after-the-rain ).

Some might assume that the title of ‘After the Rain’ symbolises healing from the pain of his dad’s passing? Perhaps the title ‘Gratitude’ is a reflection of his past and cherishing all he has now? Who knows. I just think that something so life changing is important to consider when listening to the singers’ lyrics, to gain their understanding of the song.

Okay so, THE GIG! The venue itself was beautiful. I was there with my pal Jim (yes I know, Rosie and Jim hehe) and we were so taken back by the room; sooooo beautiful and intimate. We were eager beavers and fortunately got front row seats - unreal.

Joe Dolman started off the show – a REAL treat to see him! So talented and enthusiastic. He has an incredible song called ‘Close to Home’ with a music video which is second to none. Please take the time to watch it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBHOl_-357E

Rosie Carney popped up next, and YES, she had a cellist alongside her wahooooo!! My fave song of hers is called Thousand – her voice with Lisa Hannigan’s make me think of melted chocolate. They just blend, so perfectly. I think I would describe Rosie’s voice as haunting, but in a very enchanting and lovable way – she reminds me loads of Fenne Lily and Billie Marten. Big up female singer songwriters!! Again, a real treat to watch her.

This only left the main guy himself. The B F of L. Mr Benjamin Francis Leftwich.

I don’t really know how to summarise or try and describe the evening – it was… sensational? Breath taking? Better than my wildest dreams? Along those lines. After every song, Jim and I turned to each other, mouths open in shock of how AWE inspiring he was.

He created this safe, intimate space for us as an audience and himself. It was as if these songs were his deepest secrets and he was playing them just for us – I felt so lucky to be there, hearing and watching him. He was beautifully accomanpied by ‘Lowpines’ (that’s his insta name and the only place I can find him ☹ ) and he also sang sweet sweet harms as well.

I’ve seen BFL before, but nothing felt as special as this. Being so close probably helped, but it really did feel like a performance of a lifetime. He played songs from across all 3 albums. He even jumped down from the stage for a few songs and his encore to perform which was just precious.

I was uncontrollably ecstatic when at the end of the gig, BFL said he would wait around to talk to any fans who wanted a chat. EERRRRMMM YEP THAT WILL BE ME THANKS!! So yes, I did get to meet an idol of mine and yes he was even MORE lovely and kind and appreciative than I thought he would be! I didn’t know what to say so I said he was basically Jesus and then I forget the rest. I think I got my point across though!!

As well as this, Jim was able to have a really decent conversation with him about his campaign called ‘Save9Lives’ – representing the statistic that 1 organ donation can save 9 peoples lives. BFL was so touched by Jim and his condition, and gladly took the plectrum and card Jim gave him with extra information on it. Just a proper, warm and caring human being. He took the time to talk to all the fans there and he just seemed so happy and like I’ve already said, but appreciative of what was going on.

So yeah – to sum it up – if you haven’t listened to BFL already, listen to him. If you have already listened to him, then just listen again! I feel so pumped and buzzed still from the gig and it was a week ago!

Long one from me I know, but I just can’t help it when I feel passionate – which I do with music and most definitely BFL.

Thanks for reading guys, I’ll be back Sunday for My Top Notes #2! Ciao xx

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#music #benjaminfrancisleftwich #leamington #leamingtonassembly #gig #artist #guitar #piano #sing #song #fan #gratitude #lookma #save9lives #organdonation #venue

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cozcat · 6 years

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I’ve been thinking about Here We Go Again... (in summary: the more I think about it, the more issues I have with it.)

a lot of the reaction seems to be hyping it up far more than I enjoyed it, and it’s weird, because I do absolutely adore Mamma Mia, so why shouldn’t I? but I think it’s adoring Mamma Mia that makes it so hard to love the sequel.

so here are some reasons I don’t think I’m connecting with it, just as a point of discussion. there are probably more that I’m forgetting. (I don’t want to study. also I’m chatting with Nicole about it and so I’m overthinking it rather than overthinking a passage from Henry V.)

the fact that it was written and directed by a man just irks me. the musical and the first movie are very much by women, primarily for women, and just... it doesn’t sit well.

it does as well feel like Ol was cashing in on the big name - with the amount of liberties taken with canon, it felt almost disrespectful to the first movie. a few blips, I can take; warping so much of it felt ridiculous.

for one, Donna’s mother is supposed to be dead. she’s supposed to be dead, and Catholic, and to have thrown her daughter out when she got pregnant. if Ruby was in the exact same situation as Donna, why did she tell Donna not to bother coming back? had we seen Cher in the flashbacks, we could have had a big number from her earlier on - when you release 80% of her screentime before the movie comes out, you can’t claim you wanted to build up to her appearance - as a flashback with young Donna, maybe a distant-over-time duet with Donna, have her pop up again at the end when they all partied with their younger selves. viciously Catholic Ruby with a fraught relationship with her daughter would have worked, would have made more sense. and then we could have seen Cher acting, rather than Cher playing fictional-Cher.

young Rosie and young Tanya meeting the young dads in passing also absolutely didn’t work for me. Rosie harbouring a crush on Bill for twenty years just felt... weird. Donna in MM1 reveals to Tanya and Rosie that there were two other potential fathers - why did they then need to meet them?

(however, you can pry aromantic bisexual Tanya out of my cold, dead hands.)

on the young fathers - their personalities were fine, but honestly, they could have rolled with the designs from MM1 a little bit. I’m not saying replicate them exactly, but where was Sam’s long hair and seventies facial hair? where was Harry Headbanger’s headbanger aesthetic? Bill seemed alright, but “long blonde hair” is still a thing now. they definitely seemed to want them to be modern-day-attractive, which was depressing.

also, they could have at least mentioned Harry being gay in passing. have the ticket guy hitting on him, and a panicked “no sorry I have a husband”. he doesn’t even need to actually have a partner, just acknowledge that he’s gay. (he’s the only major lead not paired off by the end. Tanya is hinted to hook up with Fernando’s brother. Bill and Rosie are back together. come on, Ol, you wrote and directed Imagine Me And You for fuck’s sake.)

and they could have at least checked the timelines from the first movie. that was just lazy.

young Donna didn’t gel with me as Donna. (I’m not the only person to say this, but it bears repeating.) it’s not really because of the acting, but the writing; I couldn’t connect the Donna we all know to the Donna we were shown. young Tanya and young Rosie were brilliant - but let’s be real, they weren’t given enough to work with to go either way, so while their portrayals were great, we didn’t have enough of them onscreen.

having Donna die, offscreen, a year prior, with no explanation just felt cheap, and like a disservice to the character. apparently Meryl wasn’t available for most of the filming, but that’s not the answer. if Meryl is your main character, you work around her, and you don’t do a character such a massive disservice. but if you have to do that - what happened? was it an accident, an aneurysm, a long-term illness? these things matter, and it’s something that detracted from the movie for me - I kept expecting to find out, but we didn’t.

but really. have the arc with Sophie and Sky all take place in NYC, so that modern Kalokairi isn’t the focus for as much of it. have Donna be in NYC with Sky, marketing the villa or just working on something to do with it, or fuck it she’s just travelling and Sky’s away for a different reason, and have Sophie realise while Donna is away that she’s pregnant - do the parallels that way. she didn’t need to die to be offscreen less!

(spitballing with Nicole: Donna was recording an album. Donna finds out her mother is dying, so flies out to see her, rolls up with Cher in tow at the end. I actually fucking love that idea. but really. ANYTHING.)

seriously, don’t sell me this as the feel-good-movie-of-the-summer when I’m sat in the cinema crying for most of it. My Love, My Life was beautiful but I can’t listen to that or I’ve Been Waiting For You now without having a bit of a crying fit. which is bad, because I LIKE THOSE SONGS. starting a feel-good movie by killing off a main character with no real reason is not a good way to start it.

also they did Kisses of Fire dirty. ABBA has plenty of weird songs that would have worked, why did they have to mangle one I genuinely love for the laughs. and yeah that’s eight separate links to peppy ABBA songs that have genuinely bizarre lyrics or themes.

also they really could have warned us when they released the soundtrack that The Day Before You Came was only ever intended to be album-only. I kept expecting it - it would have been lovely during the credits - and then, well, it’s the song that never came.

and where the fuck was Hasta Manana on the soundtrack. the best sung song in your entire film and you don’t even release a full recording? some of the songs sounded a bit gutsless - When I Kissed The Teacher was so clearly recorded in a studio, and it grated on me when a lot of the songs sounded like that.

but seriously. it wasn’t as happy as it could have been, it wasn’t as in-character for a lot of it as it could have been.

there were things I did like, but as you can tell, there were a lot of things I didn’t. and overall, it was enough to detract from me enjoying the movie. like... it was fun, I’ll watch it again, I’ll buy the DVD (mostly for the special features they’ll probably skimp on), but fuck me the first movie is so much better, and I’m trying to pretend this one isn’t even canon. it’s Sophie having a weird pregnancy fever dream? whatever reason I can think of is better than accepting it, because otherwise it kind of poisons the first movie in hindsight.

#personal

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moonsandmelodies · 6 years

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My Top Albums/EPs of 2018, Part 1 / 2

Like with my end-of-2017 list in December, I don’t intend this to be an in-depth recap. These releases are only what I’ve been able to hear so far, and there’s always some good stuff out there I happen to miss.

I’ve discussed before that I’ve had a lot of issues with the current music scene since around 2015, and not a lot of those issues have calmed at this point. This kind of obligated that I wouldn’t be crazy about this year’s music so far, and I haven’t been. The seeming exact same cliches and trends have persisted, some of them getting even worse. I’d elaborate some more, but it’s too complicated to get into for now.

That said, I have hope for the music to come in the next half of 2018, since I did hear a lot of albums that were close to being overall-strong from these past six months. And I have to say that that’s an improvement.

I’ve also included a song link for each release, including for the honorable mentions under the cut - every chosen song is a personal favorite of mine. Stay tuned for more of my favorite songs of the year in my upcoming playlist!

Top 4 albums

4. Angelique Kidjo - Remain In Light

afro-funk

I was surprised and very intrigued when I learned Angelique Kidjo from Benin was to revamp the entire Remain In Light album by Talking Heads. According to her interview in LA Times, she heard “Once In A Lifetime” long ago and recognized the African influence in it’s sound, which is what eventually led to this cover album. Although part of me wishes some covers were a bit closer to the originals than they are, most of the interpretations are still very interesting and enjoyable with an excellent sense of energy and rhythm.

Listen to “Born Under Punches”

3. Music House - Scandi Disco compilation

electro-disco / synth pop / electropop / synthwave

If you’re bored of the sheer quantity of 80s retro music out there, maybe don’t listen to this. But if you’re like me and love this music enough to still give the continuous new releases a chance, I highly recommend this recent library album. I enjoyed near every song on this one, which is surprising seeing how it has no hype at all surrounding it. I only found it because I was looking through other, older releases by this label, Music House and this happened to be their most recent album. Everything about this album is shiny, stylish and fun with plenty of energy and melody. The production is impressive as expected from a stock music label, and while it has a prominent modern polish they channel the huge potential and legacy of electro-disco very well.

[note: the cover doesn’t seem to exist in a bigger size, hence it being smaller than other covers shown here.]

Listen to “37th Parallel”

2. U.S. Girls - In A Poem Unlimited

psychedelic pop / art pop

Bros are really into U.S. Girls’ music for whatever reason. But don’t let that scare you off - after all, it’s not like musicians choose what kind of audience they get. While I did find the previous U.S. Girls album Half Free a bit inconsistent, In A Poem Unlimited feels like a step up - there were only about 2 or 3 tracks that I didn’t enjoy. The album has a warm semi-70s feel thanks to the band put together for it. There’s also a sense of eclecticism that’s executed better than on a lot of other albums with similar ambitions. The voice of Meg Remy, the one true ‘member’ of U.S. Girls, can be quite twangy and takes a bit of getting used to at first, but it’s somewhat grown on me since then, and it got some time to shine here. This is most often when she does a kind of nervous falsetto like in two of my favorites, “Rosebud” and “L-Over”. While the many styles that Remy explores here aren’t much new (70s funk, jazzy rock, general quivering psych weirdness, a bit of synth pop), the variation of it all and the will to experiment helps keep things interesting, and most of them evade the boring cliches that tend to pop up in so much music lately.

Listen to “Rosebud”

1. Fishdoll - Noonsense

wonky / dream pop / electronic / downtempo

Fishdoll, a new artist from China, somehow manages to recall nearly everything I miss about electronic music of the earlier 10′s. I thought of 'wonky’ producers like FlyLo and Teebs who had such interesting and creative taste in electronic production and samples. Take a gander at the amazing operatic vocal/harp sample that ends “Beijing Well” or the spacey fluttering chords on most of the songs, for example. Fishdoll’s vocals are treated to subtle effects and manipulations that say, Grimes or Washed Out became popular for, channeling a similar kind of surreal sleepiness.

It doesn’t do enough justice to Fishdoll to make so many comparisons, though, since this album really does feel unique. And that’s exactly one of the reasons it’s my #1 of the year so far - it’s an electronic artist doing something unique and doing it well.

I’m looking forward to Fishdoll’s next musical move, and I’m convinced Noonsense deserves more than a bit of Bandcamp popularity, which seems to be all it got upon release.

Listen to “Blueeyce”

Top 4 EPs

4. Elaquent - Celebrate Life!

glitch hop / instrumental hip hop

Elaquent has retained a very good taste in shimmering, jazzy sounds like electric piano and even synths over the years that make his new EP very pleasant BGM. It’s not quite his best (his album The Midnight After would deserve that praise) but I enjoy it much more than his past few releases, so I have some restored hope for his future work. My favorite has to be “Sao Paulo”, which happens to sound more like a modern lounge instrumental than what I’ve come to expect from Elaquent.

Listen to “Sao Paulo”

3. D A V I C I I - W sercu pozostaje tylko to, co wypalone ogniem

hypnagogic pop / synth pop

This musician’s sound is similar to that of Adonis listed below - a kind of lo-fi, airy synth pop, but it makes sense since they’re on the same label. This EP is a bit more ghostly and empty, though - D A V I I C I puts his voice through what seems to be autotune to a very weird, even creepy effect. This is most noticeable on the songs “Skruszone serce“ and “Czas przez pryzmat“ which are also my favorites of the bunch. I have to say that while I like the idea of ‘hypnagogic pop’, it’s often bored or disappointed me; D A V I I C I and Adonis, though, have impressed me to an extent I didn’t expect.

Listen to “Skruzone serce”

2. Ravyn Lenae - Crush

neo soul / R&B / pop

Ravyn Lenae happens to be both a very good vocalist and just 19 (which is hardly older than me). This EP has an organic soul sound with some twists that help to distinguish it from the flood of gritty 'alternative' R&B that tends to get the sole approval from critics lately. It's also very concise, which helps. I figure she has a bright musical future ahead.

Listen to “Sticky”

1. Adonis - Wiosenna ofensywa nie trwa dłużej niż do letnich wakacji

hypnagogic pop / synth pop

I only came across Adonis through Bandcamp recommendations and he's still a bit of a mystery to me. This is in part because all the info and lyrics are Polish. But I'm glad I found this EP, since I enjoyed every one of these five songs - while I’ve been blasting the incredible title track all June. In a similar situation to Scandi Disco, it may not be very new, since it’s pretty much a collage of 'alt 80s’ sounds, but if you love the sort of music that entails (e.g. synth pop/shoegaze/dream pop) like I do, than I certainly recommend it.

Listen to “Wiosenna ofensywa nie trwa dłużej niż do letnich wakacji”

Honorable mentions

Gwenno - Le Kov

art pop / new wave / psychedelic pop / dream pop

I thoroughly enjoyed Gwenno’s previous solo album, and while this one has a similar sound, the songs do begin to feel too similar to each other, which is my main issue with it. Her unique style is still very pleasant to hear, she sings the songs in the revived Cornish language, and there’s a handful of songs I know I enjoy, but I couldn’t help but feel something was missing. I figure it could grow on me. Either way, it came close, hence my inclusion of it here.

Listen to ��Tir ha Mor”

SOPHIE - Oil Of Every Pearl’s Un-Insides

bubblegum bass / experimental / post-industrial

There’s little doubt in my mind that SOPHIE is very talented and has a lot of promise as a musician/producer. I also find that while many of these songs are a bit too abrasive for my tastes, most of them still have interesting elements or ideas going for them. I just wish that there could’ve been a little less of the stressful industrial parts and more of the sort of aquatic sounds found in “Infatuation” and “Is It Cold In The Water?”. Or maybe even some more poppy songs. It could’ve gone either way, and I’m sure that either would still be interesting to hear from her. So while this album is not quite up my alley, I’ll be keeping an eye on what SOPHIE does in the future.

Listen to “Infatuation”

JQ - Invisible

new age / ambient / electronic

Seeing how this could be New Atlantis’ most gorgeous cover art yet, I couldn’t help but be a tiny bit disappointed in this. JQ has an interesting taste in sounds and I enjoy most of the ambient/new age tracks on here. However, elsewhere the album devolves a bit into other experiments that don’t always work. The album is split into two, with the first being lighter and the second darker. Overall, like New Atlantis’ previous releases, this does have a lot of good things going for it, which is why I include it here. It helps that most songs (minus two surprisingly pretty 7-minute-plus tracks) are short and digestible.

Listen to “Gold”

Mary Lattimore - Endless Days

Mary Lattimore plays the harp very well on this album and most of it works for peaceful BGM. Some songs do get a bit long-winded though and while I’m not opposed to the idea of harp combined with synths, that doesn’t sound very interesting here. The harp playing itself is still very impressive and I did enjoy around half the songs, which is why I wound up including it. I’ll have to look into her previous work since I’ve developed a much bigger appreciation for harp in the past year or so. My favorite song is without question “Hello From The Edge [...]”, maybe the most tender moment on the album.

Listen to “Hello From The Edge Of The Earth”

Beach House - 7

dream pop / indie pop

With this album I continue to enjoy Beach House at times and not get their immense hype other times. I have to admit I enjoy a lot of 7′s first half, which has a more moody, shoegazey sound than expected from BH. The second half, though, devolves into more twee territory that just doesn’t sound near as interesting. The instrumentation and the ideas sounded less creative, and it culminates in “Girl of the Year”, a bland slow jam with such generic, dreary lyrics as ‘Baby’s gone / All night long’. For this reason, I suggest hearing the first 6 - 7 songs myself, and only include it as an honorable mention.

Listen to “Dark Spring”

Melody’s Echo Chamber - Bon voyage

psychedelic pop / dream pop / progressive pop

Bon Voyage is often similar enough to the Melody’s Echo Chamber debut, but a lot weirder. The longer songs morph and evolve several times, sometimes in very unexpected ways. For the most part this makes for interesting, multilayered results, but in places it does wander a bit too much for my liking. This is most evident on “Desert Horse”, which is my least favorite on the album with it’s unfitting additions of turntable scratching, 808 drums and a general rambling feeling. If I ignore that song and a few other iffy moments, it’s nearing a #5 or #4 position in my above Top 4.

Listen to “Shirim”

#best of 2018 #2018 music #best of 2018 halfway #2018 favorites #2018 #2010s #10s #Fishdoll #Adonis #U.S. Girls #US Girls #Angelique Kidjo #Ravyn Lenae #D A V I I C I #Elaquent #Music House #SOPHIE #Melody's Echo Chamber #Mary Lattimore

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sosation · 3 years

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Volume is Power

The following is a transcript of my "Audio Liner Notes" for Volume is Power, the album I released earlier this year under the project titled Temporal Distortions.

The album can be purchased for free on my bandcamp here: https://temporaldistortions.bandcamp.com/

and it is available on all streaming services:

-https://open.spotify.com/album/3983Bepp9uxIv1pb9qaEwY?si=qWpTAozTS2ujMQ79R_FZZg&utm_source=copy-link

-https://music.apple.com/us/album/volume-is-power/1557283830?uo=4

and music videos are up on the Local Famous Records Youtube page: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRIjOlGfx0M

Volume is Power

Transcript of Audio Liner Notes and Recommended Readings

Hi. My name is Anthony Sosa and you have just listened to Volume is Power. I hope you enjoyed it. I began actively writing for this record in December of 2019. Some of the musical ideas were written in previous bands going back as far as 2009 and others were written after I had started working on the record. As you know, 2020 was an insane year. So, as you can imagine, it affected the writing and conception of what we were working on. When I began writing lyrics it was the middle of the democratic primaries for President. I was a Bernie Sanders volunteer. I wanted to talk about issues in the US and around the world. But then COVID happened and George Floyd happened, and I had to talk about those things as well--If anything, to document this moment in time. Honestly, those events backed up what I already wanted to say with this record: Our system is broken.

Sonically, Volume is Power has a lot of specific influences that influenced specific songs. For each track I tried to lean into whatever influences were present at the time and treat each piece almost as a genre study, though the genres span a narrow spectrum along the “rock” continuum. Time -- was, and will continue to be, an important aspect of the project. Temporal Distortions are happening all around us all the time. This record is essentially a series of distortions, or songs, that span, temporally, from the mid 1990’s to the late 2000’s. There are also audio clips from the 1950’s and 60’s as well as from this historic summer of 2020. Songs from my past still inspire me in the present to create an album for the future which is now here. Now, this album will exist in the past for me but for you this is your present. Maybe, if I did my job right, and you are so inclined, it will inspire you to create something in your future.

I had intended to make this album available for free everywhere, but youtube and bandcamp are the only platforms where I can achieve that. You can always email [email protected] and we will send you a free digital copy.

In this Audio Liner Notes track I intend to give credit to all of the amazing artists who helped me create this record. I am honored and privileged to know and have the pleasure of working with so many amazing people and to all of you thank you for giving me your time and energy. Chief among these is Dale Brunson, my colleague and compatriot. I met Dale in 2009 when he was playing in Werewolf Therewolf and I was playing in Housefire and The Raven Charter. We’ve been friends ever since and in 2012 we started a Top 40 cover band called Sweetmeat who is still together as of this recording. Dale mixed and co-produced this record with me and without his patience, insight and guidance this record would have been impossible. I definitely threw him some curveballs throughout this process and he has handled all of it graciously.

I, now, am going to give a track by track breakdown of the record but I am not trying to spend too much time explaining or discussing lyrics. Those are for you to interpret how you will. I’m not great at insinuation, anyway, so I’m sure you get the point. I’d rather discuss the people on the tracks and the musical influences behind them. So:

Track 1 is titled Our Streets and begins with the voice of Rod “Teddy” Smith whom I met on the streets of Fort Worth during the protests this May-July. Rod and I, as well as Defense Attorney Michael Campbell, Christopher Rose and my wife, Amber, started a non-profit organization in the wake of these protests called The Justice Reform League with the goal of advocating for evidence based socio-economic and criminal justice policies at the municipal, state and federal levels and to empower impacted communities through civic education. I, personally, believe that there needs to be more effort put toward educating our community on how local politics actually works, how it impacts us, and how we can get involved and change things. So that is what we are trying to do. I also feel that music, or art in general, can be an educator and is one of the reasons I was inspired to write this record.

In regards to the opening clip with Rod, I actually have hours of footage from weeks of protests in May and June but this clip stuck out to me particularly because it evokes Fort Worth and the particular sentiment I was wanting to express with this record. The piano was played by me, recorded here at my house. At the end of the track are protest chants from one of the larger protest-days this past summer here in Fort Worth. My wife, Amber, and I marched for about 3 weeks before actually beginning to organize. On those later days of the protests I started carrying a battery powered PA speaker on my back in a doggie backpack with a mic and using that for chants and to further project those giving speeches. The album cover is a photo by local photographer Zach Burns capturing me doing just that. Zach being another awesome person I met this past summer. Before I move on, the real first voice (and last) you hear on the album, and multiple times throughout, is of Jordan Buckly of Every Time I Die- my favorite band. Early in the pandemic I paid Jordan $30 on Cameo to say “Temporal Distortions” and to “purchase” a shitty riff idea. I didn’t use the riff, it was god awful like he said, but I made some clips of him because it made me smile.

Track 2 is Daring Bravely.

This song was intended to be a The Raven Charter song and was introduced to the band near the very end of our time together. For those who don’t know, The Raven Charter is the most serious project I have ever been a part of. It was the most important thing in my life for many years. I am not going to use this time to give a history lesson on TRC, though that would be fun. Go check out our stuff if you’re into Prog Rock. So this thing kicked around on my hard drive since 2015, I recorded multiple demos with guitar, bass and drums, over the years and finally settled on a bridge. I didn’t actually write the lyrics until I began working on this album proper in Dec of 2019.

I had the awesome pleasure of doing this song with my boys Daniel Baskind and Erik Stolpe of TRC. Daniel wrote a beautiful solo for this track. It was exactly the energy the song needed and also sounds quintessential Daniel. As I stated at the beginning, I was leaning into the genre for each track and the genre on this track was “Ravencharter” and Daniel nailed it. And Erik, I truly feel, did an amazing job in making this song more than it was. The orchestration and production aspects of his writing for this track are spot on. He really got the vibe I was going for and took it even further. It was great to get to work with both of them again to recreate some of that magic we used to make. The audio clips are from Dr. Brené Brown and her TED Talk “The Power of Vulnerability” from Jan 3, 2011. Funny story about that. When my wife Amber and I first saw Brené’s TED Talks we really enjoyed the concepts she covered. We both came away from watching those remembering the phrase “Daring Bravely,” which is why I named the song that. I like those two words together and the concept they elicit. However, when researching for these Liner Notes I discovered that all along she was saying “Daring Greatly.” She even has a book with that title. So, we’ve been saying it wrong the whole time. Regardless, I prefer “Daring Bravely” because it requires bravery and courage to dare greatly and have confidence and believe in yourself. So be brave. Dare Bravely.

Track 3 is titled Division of Labor.

What radicalized me? Working in the service industry and learning history. This song is essentially an amalgamation of that. The line in the bridge is an Oscar Wilde quote. This was just a rando idea on the guitar that I recorded into my phone on new year's day 2019. Musically, the main guitar riff seemed to me Every Time I Die influenced but when I put drums and bass to it it ended up sounding more like At the Drive In or something, to me. My demo leaned into that a lot more than the finished product. This song definitely ended up in a different place than when I started working on it which is always fun and surprising. Workers rights are very important to me and I tried to put that into this song.

Track 4 is Pay for your own Exploitation.

This is another relatively recent idea recorded into my phone on the acoustic in October 2019. I remember when I did it because my friend and fellow musician/producer Randall C. Bradley from Delta Sound Studios came over and before we could even really greet each other I had to stop and say “hold on I have to record this idea before I forget.” It kinda had an Aerosmith vibe to me when I put it all together in the demo process for the record. Like 90’s Aerosmith. I dunno. I guess really the 90’s are smeared all over this album. Another temporal distortion. And then from the bridge on it goes all ETID. The “sex organs of the machine world” line at the beginning of the song is a Marshall McLuhan quote. The bridge vocals “Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed,” I heard from Adolf Reed Jr. but I don’t know if he was quoting someone else.

I had the pleasure of working with Double Bear on this song - my Local Famous Records brethren. The gang vocals in the song are myself, Michael Garcia, Brandon Tyner, Garrett Bond, Matt Bardwell, Glenn Wallace, and Dale Brunson and we’re having a lot of fun, if you can’t tell. It makes me happy that we got to work together on this project and I imagine there will be more collabs down the road.

Track 5 is We Make the Past.

This song is essentially a Bush song, or was when I wrote it. Very Pixies influenced. Dale’s production took this a lot further than I imagined in the best way possible. I also showed up to the studio thinking my lyrics were finished but realized I was missing a second verse. The demo version was just like a minute and a half and I extrapolated the rest and got it wrong. Once that started I essentially re-wrote all the lyrics on the spot. The lyrics are meant to be scattered and random, like Gavin Rossdales’, though they come from a book by the late Hatian anthropologist and historian Michel-Rolp Trouillot. Bush was one of my favorite bands growing up in the mid-late 90’s and early oughts. I’ve always liked their raw energy and lyrical strangeness. (The same could be said for my love of The Mars Volta.) So this was my homage to Gavin, Nigel, Dave and Robin and shitty guitar playing. Also, I pronounced “His-tor-icity” wrong. I said histori-ocity and I don’t know why I didn't notice it until really late in the process. Same with “commodozation” instead of “commoditization” Oh well. Making up words is fun too.

Track 6 is Serve-Us Industry. This song was fun. It originally was going to be a new Huffer song. I had the pleasure of being a part of Huffer from 2015-2018 with Chea Cueavas and Jeremy Nelson, and we were working on a new album in 2017. Between Chea and myself we had about 10-13 ideas kicking around. This was one of the ones I had thrown out there. To me it had a Foo Fighters vibe, which makes sense because Chea and I were also playing in The Foo, our Foo Fighters cover band, a lot around that time. I just thought it would be fun to sing about all the mistakes that happen while working in the service industry and having to deal with customers. These lyrics made me laugh and sometimes that’s all you can do.

Track 7 is an interlude titled Employer vs Employee. This is a clip of David Griscom from the Michael Brooks Show episode 145 - Police & the ANC & We Need a Liberation Theology ft. William Shoki & Ronan Burtenshaw recorded on June 23, 2020. I really enjoy David and even though at the time of recording he has been living in Brooklyn for several years he has never forgotten Texas. His insight on economic issues and worker’s rights is immensely important. The underlying music on this track is just myself playing bass and guitar. A bass riff I had laying around for almost a decade.

The Michael Brooks Show has greatly impacted and influenced my life since I became a Patron in Dec of 2019. I wanted to take what was I learning from Michael, David and Matt and their guests and put it into music. Since Michael’s passing in July 2020, David and Matt Lech have gone on to create their own show Left Reckoning. Check them out for leftist theory and international news and analysis regarding the global left. As Americans, we all need a lot more international and historical perspectives.

Track 8 is titled Class Struggle.

This song was influenced by Silverchair's 1997 and 1999 albums Freakshow and Neon Ballroom. At least that’s kinda what I was going for tonally. The quote being shouted by Karl Marx from his Communist Manifesto, with a slight edit. In hindsight I probably should have use “their” instead of “his or her,” but it was an effort to use more inclusive language. I feel like most people hearing this will know that that was Marx, but if you don’t now you do. This track was originally written and proposed to Huffer as an idea in July 2017 but didn’t make it further than that. Dale plays the double stops in the middle of the song.

I suppose I should take this moment to say that this album is my first lyrical endeavor. I have written personal things in the past but never anything for any of the various bands and projects that I have been a part of, save one short lived hip-hop project back in 2010 I did with Aaron Anderson which was never released. So any idea that I “proposed” to any previous band was just music not lyrics. When trying to decide what to write lyrics about it became clear to me that politics and history was what I felt I needed to talk about. As a History teacher, and someone who studied history at the graduate level, I understand that not everyone learns history by reading historical monographs--but rather through pop-culture. So this is my contribution to pop-culture and I hope some people do learn some things by listening to this. And perhaps, then inspired to do some of their own research.

Track 9 is the Stoop Romans interlude.

These are 2 clips from two different performances of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. The first is from the 1970 film and the second, I believe, is from the 1953 production. I got them from youtube and you ideally, got this for free, so hopefully no harm no foul. The piano is a repetition of the piano at the beginning of the album. And these clips, to me, summed up the sentiment of many in America in 2020.

That is another thing I want to take a moment to say. The creation of this record and the method of its release is a statement. I do not want to profit from this. That is not why I made it. I made it for the message and I want this message spread as much as possible and the best way to do that is to make it free. So it was a labor of love and I tried to reject the capitalistic game of “the hustle” that most musicians, and artists, are forced to play with their creations as much as possible. It is my gift to you and example that things can be done differently.

Track 10 is Imperialism get Fucking Bent.

Soooo I was reading a lot of Noam Chomsky at the time, what can I say. If you don’t know who that is look him up. He is an important intellectual whose perspectives on recent American history and economics are invaluable. This song was heavily influenced by ETID, though a lot more simple, and was written on the guitar in 2018.

Initially, when I began writing lyrics I wrote stuff about Magic the Gathering, of which I am an avid Commander player, at least before the pandemic. But the tone of the song didn’t match the lyrics so I scrapped them and started over. The clip in the middle of the song I got from the Congressional Dish Podcast hosted by Jen Briney, of who I am a Patron. She got it from the Senate Hearing: United States Strategy in Afghanistan, United States Senate Armed Services Committee, February 11, 2020. The two men speaking are Sen. Angus King (Maine) and Jack Keane: Chairman of the Institute for The Study of War who was appointed by John McCain when he was Chairman to the Congressional Committee on the National Defense Strategy.

If you want to know what congress is up to, which you should, then you should listen to that podcast, it is invaluable. The point of the clip is to demonstrate that these men acknowledge that we will be at war “indefinitely.” They said the quiet part out loud in an untelevised hearing of which at the end of they say essentially “let's not discuss this again publicly.” I’m not a journalist but this is me trying to do my part of getting this information out there. We, the American People, shouldn’t want “preventative war,” eternal war. IMO we should want no war unless all other options have been exhausted. Take those trillions of dollars of our money and give it back to us in the form of Medicare for All, a Green New Deal and free college. Then there will be plenty of money left over to rebuild our infrastructure and provide Universal Basic Income. I believe a healthy and educated populus is crucial to a democracy. We need that in America, desperately. And it would be a lot easier to pay for all of that if we weren’t in Somalia, Yemen, Libya, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan and Pakistan. And that is just for drone strikes. The U.S. military currently operates in 40% of the world’s nations including most of Africa and Central Asia. Check out the Smithsonian Magazine website for info on this. And read Chomsky. Book Recommendations are at the end.

Track 11 is Ka’s Dance. This is a straight up Stephen King love song. He wrote all the words and it’s the 2nd, 5th, and 8th stanzas from Song of Susannah, the 6th book in the Dark Tower series. The clip is from the audiobook narrated by George Guidall (gwidell). This song was another one that was influenced by ETID. Energetically, it reminds me of Jefferson Colby--the band I was in with Matt and Danny Mabe from 2010-2013. Those two have absolutely influenced the way I play and view music, as well as their father Mark Mabe-who taught me how to play bass. Anyway, that is a story for another day, I hope to collaborate with them again in the future. The clip at the end is Captain Janeway and Chekote from Star Trek Voyager.

Track 12 is You Opened My Eyes. I had the honor and the privilege of working with 3 amazing artists on this song: Tornup, Chill, and Canyon Kafer. Christopher Hill, AKA Chill, and I have known each other for years via Dale Brunson and we briefly worked together on a collaborative musician lottery competition thing titled DIG back in 2017 that never happened. I have always wanted to record with him and had a lot of fun doing so. He is one of the best drummers I know and his pocket gave this song the life it needed. Torry Finley AKA Tornup and I met on the streets this past summer of 2020 during the protests and I heard him speak at the public speaking event we held at Trinity Park-- and he moved me. Eventually, we started talking music and I found out he is a fellow musician and bass player as well, I thought “I definitely want to collaborate with this dude.” Fortunately, this opportunity presented itself and, as I am sure you can tell, this song wouldn’t be what it is without him. He performed the first verse. Canyon performed the sick bass solo before the final chorus and I am truly humbled and grateful to have all of these guys on this album.

Track 13 is Fight the Hegemony. This is by far the heaviest track on the album and I essentially shout out some of my influences in the lyrics. Thrice, Glassjaw, and The Used, Dream Theater, Cohoeed and Cambria and other early-mid 2000’s bands still have a big influence on me. My friend and colleague Chris Musso performed the drums on this track. Chris and I played together in Silverlode in 2004 and in The Raven Charter from 2005-2008. We still play together in the aforementioned Sweetmeat, with Dale, and I am super happy to get another opportunity to collaborate together again. As I mentioned earlier, I volunteered and canvassed for Bernie Sanders during the Democratic Primaries in 2020 and the lyrics in this song were inspired by his movement. Now that I am writing these Liner Notes in early 2021 I want to take a moment to reiterate and clarify-- in the wake of the attempted insurrection on January 6th--this song is NOT aiming to inspire violence nor an overthrow of the system by using violence. It is crystal clear to me now how people can read into things and take what they will. These lyrics are about the Bernie Sanders movement. Period.

Track 14 is Simp for the System (Free Market Capitalism Love Song). This is another one of those songs that, musically, was originally written for Huffer, well the bass part anyway. Chea and Jeremy, both had written completely different stuff but I didn’t want to rip them off so I rewrote it and made it as emo as possible. Brand New, was the band I had in mind, circa Deja Entendu. The lyrics are a joke. I was laughing out loud when I wrote them. I had considered just making it instrumental because for the longest time I couldn’t think of any lyrics to go with it. I didn’t want to do “real” emo but I couldn't think of anything else. Then I was like “ well, often these emo songs were about a girl. What if the girl wasn’t a girl but a system that people simp for all the time?” Ta-da. It was actually Dale who suggested the “Hey girl…” rant in the bridge and I think he was onto something. I hope you thought it was as funny as I did.

Track 15 is Cold War Nostalgia. This song is the oldest one on the record and has gone through the most changes- creating nostalgia for me on multiple levels. I wrote the original version in 2009 for my band Housefire. That version was more upbeat and the main verse riff was a dotted 8th note delay melody...very 2009… and Housefire broke up before it was properly recorded. I really liked the song and re-worked it several times on my own over 7 or 8 years until Huffer began working on our new record. I rewrote the track again to be more “Huffer'' sounding by making the bass carry the melody in the verses rather than the guitar. I also slowed it down quite a bit and went for a more rough sound (thinking Refused-esque) rather than polished, uber-compressed late 2000’s scene music. Chea and Jeremy weren’t that into it, and honestly even with the changes it didn’t sound like Huffer so we dropped it. Then, I picked it up again when I started working on this record and tried to put some words to it, and it has now become this sprawling lengthy piece. The original version was a tad over the 3 minute mark and it is now close to 7.

Lyrics were difficult at first. But because the song, for me, was oozing with nostalgia it seemed like a good topic to start with. I had written a paper in my final semester of Grad school in 2018 for a transnational history class about the Cold War- my area of study for my history degree. That paper is my proudest academic achievement to date, titled “National Narratives in Post Cold War America and the Former U.S.S.R.'' and was about the stories we tell ourselves. The ones we tell ourselves at the interpersonal level and the ones our culture, society and leaders tell us at the macro level--and how the totalitarian can affect those stories. This looked at Nostalgia of the Cold War and how that nostalgia is different for the US and the former Soviet states. All the lyrics from this song are taken from that paper- particularly from certain quotes that I quoted throughout. The first verse, starting with “Nostalgia then…” is either Olga Shevchnko or Maya Nadkarni (both are cited) in 2013 from Kevin Platt’s article “Russian Empire of Post-Socialist Nostalgia and Soviet Retro at the New Wave Competition” published in the Russian Review issue 72 no 3. The second verses’ “Does human nature undergo a true change in the cauldron of totalitarian violence?” is from a book titled “Life and Fate” by Vassilli Grossman-- an epic novel about Stalin written in 1960 from someone who lived under him. The only reason it was published was because a friend of Grossman smuggled a copy out of the USSR into the west. One of the few published examples from that period of people questioning the totalitarian state from the inside.

I encourage anyone interested in the full paper to read it, it can be found on my Tumblr blog- Sosations Transmissions.

Now, you may notice that there is phenomenal guitar playing on this track. That is the work of my very good friend Glenn Wallace. Glenn is one of the best guitarists I know. He and I met back in 2004 via Daniel Baskind, Erik Stolpe and Chris Musso from Silverlode and The Raven Charter. The only time we have had the pleasure of playing, or sharing the stage together was in Housefire, so I was thrilled when he agreed to do this song. Glenn was our 3rd and final lead guitarist in the band before we broke up, (following Eddie Delgado and Dusty Brooks). There actually is a video on youtube of one show we played at The Boiler Room in Denton from mid-late 2009. Getting him on this track was something that I had been thinking about for a while but the opportunity finally arose when Glenn, Dale and myself, along with the Double Bear guys: Michael Garcia, Brandon Tyner, Garrett Bond and Matt Bardwell, as well as Erik Stolpe and the resourceful Tanner Hux, decided to start our own record label: Local Famous Records. Now that this relationship has solidified you can expect much more collaboration from all of us as well as more records like this one. Starting a record label with friends has been one of the most enriching experiences of my life and I highly recommend that you try it.

Track 16 is “Be ruthless with institutions, be kind to each other” - is the final track on the album and is a brief quote from the late Michael Brooks from his talk at Harvard University titled: “Michael Brooks MLK Jr. and Love and Power | Class Warfare | Harvard” from the Harvard College YDSA youtube page, recorded on Feb 1st. 2020. I had written a blog about Michael’s passing and how important he was to me personally and to the progressive movement in America today and in the world , and it can be read at the aforementioned Tumblr. I had set this clip aside to put on this record back in May or June of 2020 but after Michael’s passing in July it became clear to me that I would close the record with this sentiment. “Be ruthless with institutions, be kind to each other” is an affirmation I will carry with me for the rest of my life and I will proselytize this message wherever I go. Humans over entities. Always. “The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over all laws and institutions.” As far as the music for this track, it was just me pulling something out of my ass to go under the quote and I did it in one take, on an untuned shitty acoustic (for those familiar, the one from high school and college with the Albino squirrel sticker on it.) I recorded the guitar without any accompaniment into a handheld recording device and just got really lucky that it was an appropriate length. I was going for a Dashboard Confessional vibe and I think I got it.

So that is Volume is Power. Thank you to everyone who helped me create this thing and to those who supported me along the way. I am forever grateful.

Thank you to my wife, Amber, for without her this would not be possible. You are my superhero-bird-watcher, my anchor, my guiding light, my soulmate. Thank you for inspiring me to dare bravely.

Thank you to my parents for allowing me to follow my dreams and drop out of college to pursue a career in music. I know it didn’t make you happy at the time but you believed in me anyway. And thanks for not saying “I told you so” when I decided to go back to school 3 years later.

Thank you to my brother David for all the love and support over the years. For your artistic contribution on Daring Bravely. And for always having the courage to be you.

Thank you to Samantha, Lauren and Matt, for being so supportive all these years. I couldn’t ask for a better step-family.

Thank you to Dale for making this record happen, putting all the work into it that you did, and for putting up with my bullshit.

Thank you to every musician I have had the pleasure of playing with, on or off the stage.

Thank you to Aaron Anderson, Jason Dixon, Andrew Del Real and Anthony Davis for being the first band of dudes I got to do real shit with.

Thank you to the Silverlode/Solace Prime/ The Raven Charter guys: Daniel Baskind, Erik Stolpe, Brandon and Garrett Bond, Brian Christie, Chris Musso, Stephen Thacker, and Brandon Bailey. You guys are my brothers.

Thank you to the guys in Dreams Like Fire, who I only had a brief stint with in 2007 but learned so much from: Alan Mabe, Dathan Martin, Ryan Moody, and Kyle Istook.

Thank you to the Mabe Family for treating me like family and for--literally--teaching me how to rock: Mark Mabe, Matt Mabe, Danny Mabe, Chris Mabe and the beloved Terri Mabe.

Thank you to Chea and Jeremy from Huffer for bringing me into your lives and music. I am so glad we got to do what we did.

Thank you to Neal Todnem and Justin Jordan for being awesome roommates and apart of memories that I will always cherish and for our Tsegull Tsunami.

Thank you to Ben Napier for being a good friend, and at times mentor, and for asking me to be your Bogus “Green Day” cover band. I appreciate our time together.

Thank you to Ansley Dougherty, Nick Wittwer and Scott White for making our rage Against the Machine cover band a real thing, even if only for 2 practices. And to Scott for being my headbang partner at our The Foo and the Kombucha Mushroom people shows. And for trusting me to record some of your demos.

Thank you to Randall Bradley for being such a good friend. I value our talks and our jams and always look forward to hearing that you are in town from Argentina. Your perspective is unique and important.

Thank you to Cody Lee and the 27’s for involving me in your record and to Jaryth Webber for being a badass academic colleague, a badass musician, and for introducing me to Congressional Dish.

Thank you to Ben C Jones for the opportunity to work together on your music.

Thank you to Daniel Kunda for the opportunity to be apart of what you’re creating and for, at times, letting me be your sensei. Your future is bright.

Thank you to Chill, Torry Finley and Canyon Kafer for taking You Opened My Eyes above and beyond where I possibly ever could have. I hope we can do it more in the future.

Thank you to all my Local Famous brothers: Dale, Garrett, Michael, Brandon, Glenn, Matt, Erik and Tanner, for believing in this thing with me and making it a reality.

Thank you to Collin Porter for being a good friend and letting me bounce creative and political ideas off you. I truly value our conversations.

Thank you to Ryan Smith for always being a good friend and for our jammy jams.

Thank you to the bands that invited any of my bands on the road with them over the years--you guys helped make my dreams a reality: Matt and Mike LoCoco, and Danny Borja from Transit Method in Austin; Nick Barton, Trey Landis, and Justin Huggins from Sleepwalking Home in Tulsa, and Johnny Hawkins, Mark Vollelunga, and Daniel Oliver from San Antonio’s Nothingmore. The memories I have from those shows and trips are truly priceless and I am thankful to have those experiences to look back on.

Thank you to Dr. Johnny Stein, Dr. Joyce Goldberg, Dr. Christopher Morris, Dr. Patryk Babiracki, and Dr. Andrew Milson at the University of Texas at Arlington for greatly influencing my historical knowledge and thought that has influenced the making of this record.

Thank you to all co-founders of The Justice Reform League: Amber, Christopher Rose, Rod Smith, and Michael Campbell. And to Thomas Moore from no Sleep till Justice. I couldn’t ask for a better group of people to start a nonprofit with and I look forward to our future.

Thank you to Michael Brooks, Hank and John Green, Dr. Cornel West, Slavoj Žižek, Dr. Kevin Dunn, Dr. Richard Wolff, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Fred Hampton, Rita Starpattern and Edward Snowden for being my exemplars, always daring bravely and inspiring me to do the same.

And thank YOU for taking the time to listen to the songs, and this Audio Liner Notes track. If you are unfamiliar with any of the influences I have mentioned over the course of this I encourage you to go listen. And if those bands resonate with you, find out who influenced them- you’ll find more awesome music, more temporal distortions, if you will. I hope you find some inspiration to create your own work, whatever that may be, and to put it out into the world.

Dare Bravely. Salut.

Anthony Sosa

12-6-2020

(Updated 2-6-2021)