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ladylooch · 2 years

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Never Til Now- Timo Meier

7.4.22 Update: I had to repost Timo.. so I lost all my notes.. and if you liked it to come back to it, very sorry but you need to like it again. AH!

Word count: 4.9k

A/N: Timo Time! I’m into Swiss dudes I guess? Idk. So here is a brief break from Kevin Fiala for Thotty boy T.

Warnings: SMUT (18+). Swearing. Sadness. Drinking. And.. probably other things that I cannot think of right now.

The neon light of the Coors sign on the wall beside our table is so bright it makes my temples throb. Or maybe it’s Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts” being blared through the speakers of the bar for Ladies’ Night. My eyes briefly pull away from the San Jose Sharks game to my group of girlfriends. I feel guilty about my lack of contribution to the conversation. But the truth is, I would rather be anywhere else tonight. Instead, I’m going through the motions, convinced if I try hard enough, I’ll be over him soon. Him. The love of my life. The beginning and the end of it all. The hardest damn goodbye I’ve ever experienced. That’s what he is to me but to the rest of San Jose, he’s Timo Time.

Timo and I met randomly because we both frequented the same taco place for lunch. We both sat at the bar one sunny, Friday, two Septembers ago. I knew of him, but admittedly did not follow hockey much. During Happy Hour, we were at opposite ends of the bar, but as the night got busier, he wandered down to the stool next to me. That’s where we spent the next 6 hours together, until we shut the place down. We bonded over our love of food- cooking, eating out, and collecting a million different gadgets for the kitchen. We dreamed up our perfect kitchens while tasting different, expensive tequilas. We munched on authentic tacos and guacamole all the while falling for each other. When he asked to see me again, I couldn’t give him my number fast enough.

On our first date, we found ourselves at another taco place- a newer, trendy one that people couldn’t stop talking about on the west side of the city. The restaurant had a beautiful patio on the water where we watched the sunset while stuffing ourselves full of guac, tacos, and of course, tequila. By the end of the date, I had a buzz for Timo stronger than any tequila could give.

We left the restaurant for something quieter and found ourselves on the beach, walking hand in hand. We told each other all about our lives- our siblings, our parents, our hometowns, and of course for him, all about hockey. Listening to the stories of his life, leaving Switzerland so young for Canada, living with a billet family, all for this incredible, exotic dream of playing in the NHL. It was so impressive.

Eventually, we stopped walking and dipped our feet into the warm water. The waves crashed up to our ankles while we talked about how I grew up in Southern California, but moved North for a marketing job three years ago. I’ve never thought about going back. The distance and the culture suits me better here.

“California seems to be its own country. You can have different experiences depending on where you are in the state.” Timo murmurs to me as we look out at the moonlight glittering on the water’s surface.

“It definitely is. So unique too. We have so many different cultures and ethnicities here. It makes California a slice of heaven for any foodie.” He laughs, his white teeth stark against the dark night. I take a moment to study him as he turns back to the water. My heart squeezes in my chest and I know I’m falling for him. Fast.

“I’m about to start my season.” He breaks our comfortable silence a few minutes later. “And my schedule will get crazy.” Well, shit. I try not to show my dejection visibly and brace for the thanks but no thanks. “I know it will be a lot to ask. I’ll be gone a lot, but when I’m here… I’d like to see you.” He looks over at me, blue eyes hopeful and awaiting my response.

“I’d like that.” I whisper to him, lips pulling into an easy smile.

“Good because I know a tapas place you’ll love.”

“A hockey player that loves tapas. Incredible.” I tease him, laughter glinting in my eyes as they look at his.

His blue eyes hover on my lips. With courage, I inch forward a smidge. I want him to go the rest of the way. My green eyes devour his features as he comes close. I suck in an anticipatory breath, but when our lips touch, I lose it all. Fire ignites inside my chest and rushes out through my limbs until all of me is hot. My arms go around his neck and I hold myself close to him. His large hands stay on my hips but squeeze tighter in hunger. I’ve never felt anything like this. I want to dive down deeper into this feeling until I lose touch of everything but him.

“Wow.” He whispers against my lips as he pulls an inch back. He felt it too. Then his lips press into mine again and talking becomes irrelevant.

“Taylor!” My best friend, Natalie, groans at me. I give her a confused look, stepping out of the memory of us. “Are you even here?”

“No.” I answer honestly, stirring my Paloma. The taste of tequila reminds me of him. I shouldn’t have ordered this. I shove the glass away and push out a heavy sigh. My eyes meet Natalie’s and a wave of sympathy passes over her.

“I can tell the bartender to turn it off?” She motions to the game. I shake my head. He could turn off every TV in this bar but it wouldn’t stop my mind from being on Timo.

My eyes go back to the game. The Sharks are playing the Kings and Timo is currently on the ice. The last minute in the first period is winding down. Timo gets the puck at the bottom of the right circle. He shoots, but the goalies saves it. He crashes the net hard, going to the back door just in time to get an easy tap in goal. I jump in excitement on my stool, clapping my hands for him instinctively. I watch hungrily as the camera pans to him, drinking up the sight of his handsome face. His teammates are engulfing him and this seems like a bigger celebration than warranted considering the Sharks are already up by 3-0 in the first. The sound is off on the TV, so I can’t gather much information.

After the hugs of celebration, the camera pans out. I watch as hats litter the ice. Holy shit. Did he just get a first period, hat trick? My mouth drops slightly open and I watch in awe as the camera finds him at the end of the bench after the hand shake line. His excitement is palpable through the screen. Despite my sadness, a smile pulls across my lips. He deserves this. I hope the fans are cheering loudly for him.

The next period starts after a twenty minute break and a switch from Lizzo to Lady Gaga in the bar speakers. The Sharks are on an immediate power play and Timo skates out for the face off. I watch as they set up around the perimeter. The defensemen looks across ice, seeing Timo wide open on the opposite circle. His pass is right on. Timo skates further in, then buries the puck in the top right corner, just beyond the goalie’s glove. Again, my mouth drops open in shock. Four goals in just under 22 minutes. This is unreal!

The rest of the period plays out, but it’s clear the Kings just don’t have any momentum tonight. Timo has it all. He’s still skating fast, forechecking hard, and crunching bodies into the boards each moment he can. He’s mesmerizing and I’ve forgotten that I’m supposed to be here with my group of friends. I glance at them immersed in their own conversations without me. It seems they have forgotten about me too. In their defense, I’ve disappeared since Timo and I ended.

The 2nd period is just wrapping up. Timo charges down the sideboards, rushing into the King’s zone for one last attempt to score. Drew Doughty dives, thinking his stick can knock the puck from Timo. But Timo’s destiny was already decided. Timo toe drags around him and launches the puck into the net for his 5th goal in 2 periods.

“Ah!!!” I scream and jump to my feet, clapping enthusiastically. No one else in the bar is watching this game. My group of friends looks at me questioningly. “Timo just scored his 5th goal of the night.”

“Holy shit!” Natalie yells, looking at the TV and clapping. “Wait, should we be clapping?” She asks me quickly.

“Yes! This is incredible.” I clasp my hands together and settle them against my lips as I watch his celebration on the bench.

Have a night, Timo. Have a damn night.

Like a shadow, the sadness begins to seep back into me. It penetrates my skin and hurries rapidly through my veins until my chest aches again. This is the kind of ache that will stay with me tonight then into my dreams. I purse my lips, watching him on the bench. His smile slowly fades away and his blue eyes become fierce again as he looks out at the next face off. His only focus is on winning this game. From the outside world, you can’t even tell that he lost something. How could that be? I’ll readily admit that leaving each other was a mutual decision, but from where I’m sitting, he looks fine. Unflappable, detached even, while I’m trying to drown myself in the tequila he introduced me to. Maybe to him, it wasn’t a loss after all.

Good for you, T. I think to myself, then look down and wipe my thumb at the condensation on my glass. The cool liquid transports me again unwillingly.

“Cold!” I scream as Timo rushes us into the water. “Oh my god!!!” I shriek louder, gasping as the cool waves of the Pacific Ocean lap at my calves.

“This isn’t cold!” He insists back to me, laughing. “You Californians are so soft.” He scoffs at me. A teasing glint taints his blue orbs. “What if I dropped you?” My eyes widen with legitimate fear, but then his gaze soften and he secures me tighter to him. “I’ll never let go.” He assures me. “Titanic, ya?” He grins.

“That’s less comforting considering Jack froze to death in the ocean.” I throw my right hand out to the side, gesturing to the body of water we are in.

“I love you too much to let anything happen to you.” The words roll off his tongue so easily, like this isn’t the first time he’s said or thought of them. Except he’s never said them to me. His smile quickly fades to be replaced by an expression of panic. My green eyes turn serious while my lips form the words I’ve thought for weeks.

“I love you too.” I murmur to him, watching his blue eyes sparkle back at me. An obvious sigh of relief drops his shoulders. He tilts his chin up, begging for my lips. I bring them close but pause before placing them on his. “How long have you been wanting to say that?”

“Since day one.” He beams at me. I tilt my head back and laugh.

“Got you right where I want you.”

“Me too.” He murmurs, tightening his arms on my legs.

My voice sounds foreign. Like it’s going through a wind tunnel or a warp in time that makes it sound not like me.

“What?” Natalie asks me. I guess it sounds weird to her too.

“I gotta go.” I repeat, or at least I think that’s what I said before.

“Do you need a ride home? Claire hasn’t been drinking because she’s on Paleo.”

“No.” I immediately shake my head. Claire is great, but I can call a Lyft. I’ve ruined enough of the night without pulling someone away.

I pull up the Lyft app on my phone and order one. Cindy will be here in two minutes. I say my rushed goodbyes, pretending I’m just tired, trying to act like I’m not running out of the bar over my ex-boyfriend. I know none of them buy it because their pity drowns me in every tight squeeze. When the outside air hits my skin, I have to hold back tears. I want to break down. Crawl into a hole. Never resurface into the world. Trying to get over Timo feels like a deep, unrelenting agony. Each wave laps at my battered skin then pulls me under until I’m drowning in his memory. I’ve done everything I was supposed to do. I followed the textbook plan that had assurances this would get easier one day. I sent back his stuff, unfollowed him on social media, got drunk at ladies’s night. Yet, the pain is the same aching, agony as it was the night we lost each other.

“Fuck, Taylor!” Timo snaps at me, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “I can’t do anything right for you!” He tosses his phone on the counter and it skids another foot, dangerously close to the edge.

“I asked you to delete snapchat and it’s still on your phone.”

“If you’re going to dig through my personal shit, don’t get mad about what you find.” He’s not wrong, but he also made a promise to me that he didn’t keep.

“Why is it still on your phone?”

“Because it is! I have friends from home on there and that’s how we communicate.”

“So you’re not getting boob pictures sent to you by fans anymore?” I narrow my eyes accusingly at him.

The fan Snaps are why I asked him to take it off his phone. The easy access to him by numerous girls wanting to be with him made me insecure. Plus, Snapchat was how he used to hook up with various girls before me. He admitted to that. So, it felt contradictory that he could be in love with me and still give those girls permission to connect with him.

“Oh my god.” He mutters, shaking his head and walking out of the kitchen.

“So you are!” I shout at him in frustration, hands pushing the falling pieces of hair from my pony tail away from my face. I feel just as out of control as my hair.

“I don’t open them.” He insists, waving me away as he drops onto the couch in a hump of irritation.

“Maybe you keep Snapchat because you’re trying to keep your options open.” The words blurt from my mouth before I can stop them. His blue eyes slide to mine with a narrow fierceness. He doesn’t respond but an ashamed truth begins to darken his features. My heart sinks in my chest until it’s being eaten away by the acid churning in my stomach. “Oh.” The word falls from my lips so simply, like it didn’t take everything we built with it to the ground.

“I love you.” He says to me. “But things have been hard lately…”

His words end as if he isn’t quite sure what to say next. Or maybe he knows and he can’t say it. At this point, I’ve left my body and I’m watching us like a movie. I slowly sit on the arm of the chair beside the couch. He won’t look at me. I think about what he is saying even as the realization bursts my heart into a million, jagged pieces.

“Maybe it’s not supposed to be this hard.” I finish for him. He doesn’t react at all. The silence wraps around us like a vice. I know exactly how this night is ending. “Is there someone else?” I ask him, terrified but needing to know.

“No.” He answers immediately.

I nod slowly, watching without being able to do anything about us falling apart in his living room. I think about the last few months and know he is right. It’s been hard. The honeymoon stage is over. The reality of his world has sunk in and it’s been a tough adjustment. I don’t feel like me some days. The jealously and insecurity have made my love for him feel like a burden. I’m not sure if this will work forever like I had hoped. These thoughts don’t make it any easier to speak this into existence.

“Maybe we should take some time.” I say the words, but he shakes his head in agreement. Our eyes connect. I take one more minute of looking at him before everything changes. Before our year plus relationship ends in smoldering embers of what was. Then, I rise to grab my things, turning my back to him as the tears begin to dash down my cheeks. My entire world has shifted and I know instantly that my heart will never be the same. There will only be before this and after this.

Minutes later, when his door closes behind me, after I’ve grabbed everything I can fit in my arms, I lean back against the door to gather the pieces of me together. The sound of a despairing “fuck” meets my ears from the other side of the door.

The memory of his voice that night will haunt me forever.

7 weeks have passed and I still hear the despair in his voice every night. He hasn’t called. Neither have I. “Needing time” is slowly pushing towards finding closure. It’s better this way. That’s what we both probably say to ourselves. Pretending that we can keep living without each other because it’s easier than sewing us back together. Every night, the loneliness has me questioning, yearning for him in the darkness of my cold bed. Meanwhile, his career has exploded. He’s thriving, working for his dreams and having them come true without me. And I get to be stuck here, reliving us every night like a horror movie I can’t escape.

I slide into my bed after walking into my empty house. I shut the lamp off next to my bedside table. I have my phone secured in my hands. He probably doesn’t want to hear from me. If he did, why hasn’t he reached out? Yet it feels wrong to not acknowledge the historic night he had. I pull in a breath, trying to decide what to do. I go into the Photos app on my phone, clicking through the album of our pictures. I moved them from my camera roll to a separate album. I couldn’t delete them. Even if I did, they wouldn’t be gone. They’re part of me. But my heart couldn’t take seeing them every day either.

A small smile tugs my lips up at the picture of us at the beach, moments after he told me he loved me. Then, there is the picture from Tomas Hertl’s wedding last off season. Our cheeks are pressed together; our buzz obvious in the frame. I flip to the next one. Now, his lips are on my cheek while my eyes squint in delightful laughter. That was such a good night; it hurts to look at now that we aren’t us. I chomp on my lip, moving to Messages, pulling up a new one with his number. My fingers type out the text to him and press send before I can change my mind.

I’m so proud of you, T. I hope you’re doing okay.

I keep the message open, hopeful that I’ll see the bubble. It pops up quickly, then disappears. This happens a few more times. Ten minutes pass, then twenty, then thirty. The bubble does not appear again. I blink back the familiar stinging of tears and lock my phone. I set it on my nightstand. Nope, that’s not going to work. I pick it up again, flicking up the menu and setting it on Do Not Disturb. If I don’t, I’ll spend all night listening for the buzz-buzz I’m desperately hoping for. I’m not wasting another night of sleep over someone who couldn’t care less.

I should know better by now that I can’t escape Timo’s memory in my dreams either.

It’s been an impossibly long road trip. 14 days is way too damn long for him to be gone. My chest aches for him as I turn over to will sleep to come to me. It’s difficult knowing Timo will be landing soon. Except we already talked and he’s going to his place, not coming here. I’ll see him tomorrow morning. The bright light of the sunrise can’t come soon enough.

But it’s still dark out when I feel his hands on me later. I sigh and lean into him as he spoons me. I can feel how hard he is against my butt. He wiggles his hips into me, willing me to awaken fully so he can touch me the way he wants.

“It’s not morning.” I mumble to him, turning in his arms so we are facing one another. His chest is bare. His lips immediately attach to me. I wrap my arms lazily around his neck. His hands move up my sides, bringing my t-shirt with them to expose my bare skin.

“Had to have you tonight.” He confesses to me between kisses. “Had to touch you here.” His fingers push into the waistband of my pants and slide against my slick flesh. “The whole flight home, all I could think about was burying my dick deep, right here, until you’re speechless.”

“Please.” I command him, hand snaking down between us to stroke his erection. The tempo of his fingers on my clit increases. It doesn’t take long until I’m arching my back for more. This is what he wanted. He moves me to my back and tugs my pants down my legs. I spread my knees for him and he settles between them. His muscular body is on full display for me. My heartbeat quickens as his thumbs reach out, brushing my nipples before he plunges deep into me.

Timo’s head tilts back in pure ecstasy at the feeling of my wetness. He stays like that for one, two, three more seconds as I adjust then he pulls out to slam right back in.

“Mmm… Not going to last long, baby.” He tells me as he begins to move. “You feel too damn good.” He groans the words out to me. I would respond to him except I’m already speechless. My deprived muscles pulse around him, tightening and willing him to bring me to the place I’ve been needing to be since the last time I had him.

His eyes find mine in the dim moonlight streaming into the bedroom. He can see the desire in them and hear it in my voice as I encourage him to give me more. My hands go to my breasts and I tug my nipples into tight buds. My knees spread wider so I can rock my hips hard into his thrusts.

“Fuck, baby, keep touching yourself like that.” He growls at me. His pumps increase as he watches my show. He bites down on his bottom lip in concentration, blue eyes a raging storm of desire. His panting begin to increase with mine. He pulls my right hand off my breast, moving it down to touch my clit. I rub tight, fast circles as his thrusts get deeper and more explosive.

“Babe.” I moan out to him.

“Come, baby. Come all over me.”

His words are the shove. I come flying over the cliff. Pure, primal noises drip from my mouth as he fucks me through it. Then, his lips are on mine and he’s moaning into my mouth. The kiss is all teeth and tongue while his white hot orgasm fills me. His chest rises and falls rapidly as I wrap my hand around the back to his neck, holding his forehead to my collar bone.

“That was better than I even imagined it.”

“Yeah? Did you stroke a few out while you were gone.” I tease him, loving the idea.

“Ah.. a few doesn’t even begin to cover the number.”

“Timo, you’re obsessed with me.”

“This part of you for sure.” He jokes as he slowly pulls out of me. He looks down at his dick and wiggles his eyebrows at me. He’s coated in thick, white cum. “This isn’t all me.”

“I missed you too.” I shrug, a smug grin tilting my lips. He tilts his head back to laugh, a sexy grin staying on his lips.

“I could do this forever, you know.” He murmurs, fingers gripping my calf. His eyes don’t look at me, but I know what I say next matters to him.

“Me too. Where do I sign up?” His dazzling, white teeth sparkle while I let myself imagine what that would look like. A wedding, summers in Switzerland, forever homes, perfect Swiss- American babies. The images followed me into my dreams that night, but that’s where they would stay.

Two months later, forever was off the table.

_ _ _

I’m speechless the next morning when I see his response.

I’m not okay without you.

It came in after 2:00am and I wonder if he had been drunk when he sent it. I try to think of what I could possibly say to that. Fear and self-preservation prevail, so I say nothing. I try to forget it and go about my day. I take a shower, brush my teeth, do the dishes, and make a list of groceries I need for the week.

I’m not okay without you.

The words echo again as I’m grabbing my keys to head to Whole Foods. A knock at my door stops my progress to the garage. Could it be? Cautiously, I turn and head across the house to the front door.

My entire body stills instantly when I see him outside the door. My hands shake as I reach for the door knob. I open the door slowly. He pulls off his mirrored aviators off so I can see his striking, blue eyes. I know he can see the tears in mine, but I can’t stop them from existing. Not now, in this pivotal moment, where he’s back in front of me. Not after his confession last night.

“We made a mistake.” The words drop from his lips as his eyebrows pull together in anguish. “A huge fucking mistake.” He finishes with a whisper. I swallow and nod my head in earnest agreement.

“We can fix it.” I cry to him, reaching my arms for him. His body engulfs mine and his strength keeps us from crumbling together to the porch.

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Me too.” I sob to him, digging my fingers into his muscular shoulders.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.” I insist, pulling away and locking our lips together.

His lips move hungrily over mine and he begins to walk me backwards. Except, I’m not going fast enough for him, so his large hands pull me into his arms. I wrap my legs around him tightly as he walks us further into the house. He slams the door behind us and brings me to the couch, gently laying me down. He pulls his face from mine and buries it into my neck. I can feel him inhale deeply. My hand comes to the back of his head to hold him there.

“I tried to get over you. It didn’t work.” I confess to him.

“Good.” He mumbles to me. “The second you left, I knew it was wrong. It’s not supposed to feel this shitty to live without someone.”

“It does when you have something this good.” I whisper to him, fingers scratching gently at his scalp. “You were incredible last night.” He shakes his head and pulls away to look at me.

“In the moment, I was so happy. When I was driving home last night, to my empty place, knowing you wouldn’t be there… I didn’t care anymore. About any of it- the win, the goals, the history. It meant nothing to me without having you to share it with. I don’t want this for the rest of my life. I want forever with you like we planned. I hope you still want this too.” He fingers lace with mine and I nod my head at him. His lips press against mine in a sweet, steady kiss. “Good. Cause I’m still planning on a white picket fence that keeps our babies and dogs in the yard.”

“It’s a little unbelievable that Mr. Thot Boy wants a white picket fence for his babies.” I tease him, bringing up the nickname he earned before me for being so thirsty.

“Never wanted it until now.” He murmurs to me. “Thot boy fell in love. The forever kind. Tell your friends.”

“How about we go fuck and you can show me instead?” I whisper to him, wrapping myself around his body. He stands with me in his arms and walks us back to my bedroom.

When we are naked and he’s about to connect us together, I stop him.

“If there was someone else, you need to wrap that up.” I say to him. I know it might kill the mood, but I’m not willing to risk it just because I’m high on love and lust right now.

“There was no one else.” He whispers against my lips. “Just you running through my mind.”

“Same.” I breathe out to him.

“It’s going to be this way forever.” He insists.

The look in his eyes is another memory I’ll never forget.

#timo meier #timo Meier fan fiction #hockey fan fiction #nhl fan fiction #hockey writing #nhl writing #San Jose sharks #fan fiction #my writing

63 notes · View notes

creation-help · 1 year

Note

the first two are clementine pre n post wither storm n the third is an oc ive just been calling [DATA EXPUNGED]

theyre both pokemon ocs, w clem specifically being a mash up of being a minecraft storymode oc and a pokemon oc

[DATA EXPUNGED] is the Champion of Arceus n is v ? theatrical ? fancy ? either way he speaks like its the early 1800s, i also dont have much of a backstory for him since i created him like, 4 days ago n im VERY slow at giving ocs backstories

clementine on the other hand ive been making a backstory for several months so i have a lot to say but i wont so to sum up her backstory (in a way thats prolly shit ngl) its:

clem n her (still unnamed n undeveloped) friends go to a con, they win, they go to a post con festival, clem meets some guy, the same guy clem meets makes the wither storm, she defeats it but is v traumatized from it, she becomes a mayor of a town at some point but she ends up running away from kalos to kanto

[Is not familiar with the Pokémon storylines you're talking about and thus has nothing to comment on it, so apologies if that is relevant to the review]

I'm assuming [DATA EXPUNGED] isn't, at least in the current state of things, related to Clementines story at all?

I'll tackle [DATA EXPUNGED] first!

Very solid color scheme, I think the dark skin tone fits perfectly with black white and gold, especially since the shirt (top?) is white. The accessories and face patterns really give off a fancy, perhaps priest like aesthetic and it makes the whole collective come across as very distinguished. Supernatural too, considering the one white eye and again, face patterns, although it leaves some ambiguity since this could also just be a very fancy cultural getup. I have to say though, I'd probably have made the roses some other color: though the black is strong and very cool, you can't really see them from the black hair and thus it sorta muddies the effect and makes it look more like the character is wearing some headgarment rather than a rose crown. Unfortunately, since this is a picrew, i can't say much for more core aspects of the design like the shape of the face, eyes and nose, which I consider very essential aspects of designing human characters. This is no fault of yours, as I said, picrews can be limiting in this aspect.

Judging by the art style though I'm going to guess this character is meant to have a strong angular face and jawline with a straight, square nose. Strong but elegant brows, I assume? The beauty mark on his jaw though is a very nice touch! Gives some uniqueness and personality to the otherwise very conformed, untouched image the character has.

The character strikes me as a very learned, wise personality who knows things beyond this world, and I can definitely see that he'd speak more theatrically, like a preacher or professor (the book and quill help this).

If the character ever ends up drawn by free hand, here's things I'd suggest adjusting or adding to [DATA EXPUNGED]: Facial traits. I think a strong nose with a bit of a greek shape would do wonders for a theatrical, regal looking character like him, and if the angular jawline is intended, keep that!! Depending on age (or how dramatic you want him to look), I'd also suggest more visible cheekbones perhaps? Strong brows and serious eyes would contribute to this vibe but depending on of course where you take this character, you can change things to suit that! For what I'm suggesting here, the character feels like a sort of apocalypse preacher person who is more interested in studies and has a tendency to push people away. However you could also easily go a softer route with him as well but I think, if you do, I'd still keep the angular dramatic facial features. The rest of my suggestions would just be to add maybe the smallest bit more decoration or jewelry, maybe something with a more personal touch? Earrings, rings, ect. I feel like he'd be the type to carry around some very sentimental piece of jewelry or other item, something he holds in great value. He doesn't seem like he'd pretty up just for appearance sake. Also I feel like sideburns or some stray hair whispies would add a fun little touch that could divert from the more serious groomed image the character gives, just something to create uniqueness in general. Doesn't have to be those exact things I suggested.

Then Clementine!

Design is simple but functional. Personally I think she could also use a bit more to make her less generic ykno? To be fair this could also be a fault of whatever you used to make these images (not sure if that's a picrew or some other dollmaker thing). I like the amount of change you have between the before and after states, especially liking the touch of her expression changing, even though its not related to design here lol. The first one with the simple, a bit girlish and old timey dress works well with the half up hairstyle and simplistic outfit to establish a younger character who's out to see the world. The two things diverting from this image are the sword and maybe(?) her being barefoot. The sword evokes imagery of either someone who seems more innocent or naive but turns out to also have sharp, honed skills. OR a strapping enthusiast who is looking for adventure and her place in the world, with only the clothes on her back and this sword she found (lighthearted tone). The barefoot aspect also gives a bit of a rural vibe, of being more in touch with nature. Which is something the After™ version contrasts, with a more modern feeling outfit, and the loss of the sword.

I really like her having a longer hairstyle in the latter one, with the braids/dreads. Hairstyle changes are a great way to communicate something in a character so it fits! It feels more subdued mature while still keeping a bit of that openness and freedom, with the dreads hanging freely, and hey, still being in a half up style! Good one!

I'd suggest maybe adding more signs of experience or wear on the latter version, just to communicate her having gone through something major, even traumatic. Scars or something like more visible eyebags, or something to show a more scuffed up appearance ykno? You could also make her more stocky and built, or maybe a bit chubbier in the latter, bc to me it feels like a slightly older version of the character and so, getting more built feels appropriate for that.

Overall just add more simple, small touches to communicate personality more. I think the latter one is good at that but the first one feels more generic. If it's meant to be simple though, I understand! But still. Doesn't have to be anything major, could just be things like small accessories or things she's personalized for herself. Maybe In the first version she could have a little patched up clothing to show her outdoorsy lifestyle? If not, you could add something else, just a suggestion.

From a purely visual standpoint, [DATA EXPUNGED]'s design is lots more interesting and distinct looking, and I'd only really adjust the person under the clothing and accessories. For Clementine, I feel that she could use to stand out just a tad more. However I hugely appreciate them both being poc and also having natural hairstyles (both having dreads at some point) to it! Definitely helps make them more diverse, which is always a design plus!

#Ask #Oc review #Character design review #Character design #To be fair to you this was submitted before I made the guideline post #I didn't expect people to jump on it so quickly #I decided not to have a number rank but overall decent functional character designs #You're free to take my words however you most see fit I'm only throwing ideas at you based on what I'd think fits

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lifegetslifeyasfuck · 1 year

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Christmas: Religion vs. Tradition

Christmas. A time for gift giving, decorating your home, baking cookies, watching elf for the 500th time, an excuse to wear pajamas with cats in stockings on them, snow that is so beautiful.....until you go outside. The time of year where you can walk into most stores and it looks like Santa Claus took a shit in there. I personally, ADORE Christmas. This year, it is hard for me. I had a really rough 2021 and this year I am pretty much grieving someone no longer in my life whom shares this love of Christmas with me. I don't love this holiday because I am religious but because of the traditions. It includes everything I do whenever it's not the holidays. And yes, I watch Elf year round. But, me being me, I started thinking. Thinking about the meaning of Christmas. Not what it means for me but what it means for others. So, I hopped on what all Americans LOVE, google.

I started simple and typed in "What is Christmas about?" it stated, "Christmas is an annual festival commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ, observed primarily on December 25 as a religious and cultural celebration among billions of people around the world." I mean yes, that is where it all started. But, what about those of us who are not religious and still celebrate? I personally do not participate in organized religion. No hate. I have my own beliefs. According to a website I found, gallop, 85% of America celebrates Christmas. So a majority of us do but how many of that percentage celebrates for religious reasons? Sorry in advance for all the numbers but, I found a graph from pewrese called "Do you celebrate Christmas?" 92% of people they asked do celebrate, 7% said no and 1% sometimes. 51% celebrate it as a religious holiday and 32% said it is a cultural holiday.

So, it was time to interview my friends and family.....and random people at walmart. Summing up answers, when I asked what their favorite part of Christmas was they answered, seeing others faces when they open gifts, cooking and eating xmas dinner, spending time with family, giving, xmas movies, xmas music and baking. The general consensus of the question, what does christmas mean to you was giving to others and spending time with family.

A woman I talked with at Walmart, whom asked to remain anonymous, told me she did not celebrate Christmas as a kid because of the religion part of it. It was disheartening for her because when she would be at school all the other kids would be talking about how they were decorating their trees at home, listening to xmas music, participating in the Christmas spirit week. Going back to school after break just to hear about all the presents they got and reminder to her that she didn't get any. Although her parents robbed that from her as a child, she now celebrates with her family and has made traditions of her own with her children.

Now I only spoke with two women who celebrates Christmas as a religious holiday. One did not want to speak to much on it and the other woman, Kate, who identifies with Christianity, was very open and honest. This was a thorough conversation and one I really enjoyed having. I knew a majority of my conversations were going to be on the side of not celebrating Christmas for religious reasons. So, I want to give her the spotlight here and share our full conversation.

I first asked her "What does Christmas mean to you?" Kate - "It is about family and taking in those special moments. It is not about getting a bunch of presents. For me personally, it's a spiritual holiday. It is a time of reflection. This year my family went through a lot of trials and god carried us through everything. That time of reflection is really what Christmas is for me"

Although I do know Kate on a personal level I was pleasantly surprised by her next answer and I was a little nervous to ask, "In your opinion can Christmas only be celebrated as a religious holiday and why?" She told me "No. Many people have their own traditions for celebrating Christmas. I used to think you shouldn't celebrate if you didn't know the real meaning behind it. But as i grew up and had children I realized you get to celebrate whatever and however you want. I mean we all convince our children that there is this holly, jolly man who comes down the chimney to leave our children presents. I don't think people shouldn't be able to celebrate Christmas because they don't believe in God. I am not allowed to sit back and make that judgement on others for celebrating even if they aren't religious. It is a holiday where some people may not be religious but may look at it as a time to spend with family. However, I do disagree with the fact that people don't believe in God and don't think this holiday is to celebrate him."

If I am going to be honest, I re-read and re-read this to see where I was going with this. I don't think Christmas is really a question of being religious or not. I think it is made out to be that way by many people. I realize though, I was insecure about the fact that I love Christmas so much but I am not religious. But clearly it is not just me. I interviewed eight people and out of those two were religious and even they said they don't think you shouldn't celebrate Christmas if you're not religious. There's something to be said about having a day dedicated to traditions and family time. My bond is not with God. My bond is with my loved ones and I cherish these times and that's why I love Christmas. Also, I do love a good excuse to have a festive martini. With that being said, stay warm and have a Merry Christmas!

Drink every time you read Christmas.

(late post sorry)

#quimois #christmas #religion #spiritual #elf #holidays #naiomirose #controversy #relatable

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rainbow--skies · 2 years

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I hate the way we talk about oversexualization and body image problems (two separate issues with a lot of overlapping causes) in teenagers especially teenage girls for a lot of reasons and in a lot of scenarios but what I hate the most is the “it’s these horrible TRENDS these days. girls these days dress so sexual when I was in middle/high school I actually dressed like a kid these girls look too mature now” mindset it’s so gross and weird to me. Before I go further into this I want to say like I am a teenage girl so I fully acknowledge I can be wrong here and maybe in 10 years I’ll look back at this post and laugh but I really don’t think so. Excuse any typos or grammar errors I’d there’s any I wrote this at around midnight.

My issues with this, personally:

1. It’s always the people that say “I’m anti pedo culture!” that say this shit and I’m sorry but like this makes you sound like a pedo. Every time I hear a grown adult refer to a teenage girl’s clothes as “too sexual” or “not age appropriate or whatever” it always feels super uncomfortable and weird like. Those are not things you should be saying imo.

2. All those posts and memes that go “girls now: [super extreme example of like a 12 year old in revealing clothes and heavy makeup that is actually trying to look like an adult which is a problem but is actually really rare]” vs “me at that age: [“ugly” photo of a normal looking teenage girl in a t-shirt that is literally still what most teenage girls look like]”. First of all most teenage girls don’t actually dress like they’re 25 in real life you’re on TikTok too much, second or all teenage girls who dress like you did are still out there, third of all a lot of the “overly sexualized trends” you talk about are like normal ways of exploring fashion for a teenage girl, fourth of all even in rare cases the way a girl dresses is actually a cause for concern you’re still basically victim blaming the girl here.

3. As stated earlier a lot of it is actually not that big of a deal. Like listen. I get it some girls are comparing themselves to adults and trying to compete with them and look older. This is violently unhealthy. I get that eating disorders in teenagers are continuing to become even bigger of a problem. This is violently unhealthy. I get that there are teenagers oversexualizing themselves looking for validation of gross grown adults (though a lot of the ways you guys talk about teenagers doing things that are actually just normal sexual exploration for teenagers and even a lot of the ways you talk about teenagers who have actually been groomed and oversexualized are weird and gross too but that’s a post for another day). This is violently unhealthy. It is also extremely hard to find fashionable clothes that aren’t really revealing targeted at teenage girls and that is fucked up and I understand that. I run into that issue myself all the time just looking for something I can wear casually or to a school function where I don’t feel like exposing a shit ton of skin. Your 14 year old little sister wearing a skirt you personally think is a little too short because she thinks it’s pretty and goes with her favorite top is not any of this. Leave her alone. A lot of this stuff was not motivated by beauty standards and sex to begin with and you’re the one who’s forcing it to be.

4. Girls dressing in manners that a lot of people consider overly sexualized is also. Not a new thing. This was always a problem and will continue to BE a problem if we keep doing shit like this that demeans teenage girls instead of focusing on the actual issues.

I know this is a long read but don’t know how to summarize this other than “god being a teenage girl and getting criticized whenever you wear anything you like and having to spend 20 minutes shopping for one dress just to wear anything you like to begin with sucks and the way some of you guys talk about sexualization as if teenage girls wearing things they like are a plague on society makes it even worse” so if someone wants to make a TL;DR that actually sounds good feel free.

Because I know anything talking about teenage girls is picked up by TERFs pretending they actually care about us I feel the need to say please please don’t reblog this if you’re a TERF I will block you.

Thank you guys for your consideration and goodnight.

#random thoughts #tw ed #(mentioned)#tw sexualization #tw sexism #tw misogyny #idk how else to tag this ask if you need anything #i am so tired both mentally and physically #i’m gonna go to sleep now and maybe i’ll make the post i was talking about with the ‘post for another time’ bit but probably not

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neon-back-alley · 2 years

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Kokichi, Korekiyo, and Mukuro Comforting a sad S/o.

I'm not feeling so fly like a g6 so here's what some of the characters would do if you weren't doing so well. Also I'm not very good at writing Mukuro because I haven't seen the anime yet, so feel free to send me hate mail to your nearest Subway.

DO NOT FOLLOW ME ON THIS ACCOUNT. FOLLOW @real-crayon BECAUSE I DON'T WRITE HERE ANYMORE.

Cw: Mentions of crying, mention of food, cussing, very slight nsfw mention, Kokichi being a dick

Characters: Kokichi Ouma, Korekiyo Shinguuji, Mukuro Ikusaba

Other: N/n = Nickname

Kokichi Ouma

Confused as to why you're upset until you explain it four times. Might put you in a worse mood depending on how tolerant you are with little shits.

"S/o, why didn't you tell me you were sad?? You're gonna make me sad too!"

Honestly he's not that good at comforting.

He'll fake cry so hard about you not telling him earlier that you have to dodge his projectile tears.

Rat decides that grape soda fixes everything so he leaves for like 30 minutes and comes back with three 2-Litre bottles of Panta.

Proudly states that they were under the floorboards before you can open your mouth.

How are they cold? I don't think even God knows.

After draining half a bottle with you he'll force you to lay down and smother you with his body. Right on your chest and suffocating you.

It's almost like a cat if a cat had greasy hair and weighed 97 lbs / 44 kilograms

It's kinda cute and makes you smile a little. But he moves around too much for it to be comfortable and it kinda ruins the sweet warm mood.

Brings you comfy clothes and starts stripping?? right in front of you??? to change into his own????

"Nishishi you pervert! What're you staring at, N/n?"

They're matching purple pajamas.

This little dweeb.

Also orders food for the both of you so you can eat while making fun of people on the news.

Overall 6/10 comforting I guess.

Korekiyo Shinguuji

Honestly really sweet and understanding about it all.

He'll sit on your shared bed, criss cross his legs, and have you sit on his lap.

Plays with your hair and styles it to one of cultural tradition while humming about how beautiful your hair is to the back of your head.

If you don't have long hair, he'll do your eyeliner for you and pepper your face with nuzzles while doing it.

I headcannon that he still doesn't like taking off his mask do he'll nuzzle you in place of kisses.

If you want to talk about it, he'll listen to every detail of your predicament and offer some really good advice.

If you don't, that's alright! He'll just ramble about stories from around the world until you either fall asleep, or he decides to make you both dinner.

Really goes all out and makes your favorite dinner food for you. If you don't really have one, he'll make one of the most comforting foods he can think of.

Imagine him putting his hair in a hair net or tying it up awww.

This is one of the times you'll see him in an outfit other than his anthropologist one.

When you both fix your plates, he'll bring you to the living room and have you cuddle next to him while watching something of your choice.

If you don't choose anything he'll turn on a random show and overanalyze it with you.

Several forehead nuzzles.

"My beautiful S/o, no combination of words in any language could properly describe my love for you."

Overall 9.5/10 comforting

Mukuro Ikusaba

She's pretty good at comforting you.

She'll quietly leave and make you your favorite warm drink and comfort snacks.

Once you're holding a warm cup with both hands, she'll wrap her arm around you and pull you close so that you're leaning against her and ask you what's going on.

If you're not comfortable with sharing, she'll back off and kiss the top of your head. Probably turns on a movie she knows you like a lot.

If you are, she'll quietly listen to every word and not dare say anything until she knows you're done.

After a few moments, she'll offer her own advice / comfort and snuggle you closer to her side.

When you finish your drink she'll have you put your head down on her lap and pet the top of your head.

She'll turn on music / a quiet show. While you're watching, she'll gaze at you with a loving yet concerned gaze.

"You don't deserve that, S/o..."

7.5/10 comforting

Ending Thoughts

first time writing for Mukuro 😳😳

anyways ilysm drink water ur beautiful.

#kokichi headcannons #korekiyo shinguji #kokichi x reader #kokichi ouma x reader #kokichi ouma headcannons #korekiyo x reader #korekiyo headcannons #korekiyo shinguuji x reader #mukuro x reader #mukuro headcannons #Danganronpa #Danganronpa x reader #Danganronpa headcannons #Mod Ibuki Bullshit

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ariesjupiter · 3 years

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Mitski Birth Chart Reading

This is just my interpretation based on Mitski’s birth chart and what I know of her music. Let me know if you have any suggestions of someone I should make a post on next! If you’re interested, I offer natal chart readings, just check my pinned post!

Libra sun: In terms of basic personality and ego, Mitski is focused on creating balanced, harmonic relationships. Intimate, one-on-one relationships are a major part of her identity. Libra is ruled by venus which represents love and beauty. After all, she is known for her lyrics relating to her romantic relationships. The lyric “I love everybody because I love you” is so profoundly Libra to me. She is friendly and charming. She sees herself reflected and other people and people see themselves reflected in her (for better or worse). Venus also rules the arts and Mitski is a natural artist in every sense of the word. Her music sonically is very unique, inventive, and creative as she experiments with mixing different genres. This is influenced by her sun in the 11th house. Sun in the 11th house also indicates an emphasis on friendships and memberships of certain groups and communities. It also indicates an importance of her hopes and dreams. Her sun in 3° explains why she is such a talented writer, communicator, and lyricist. Peak libra sun culture: “Young adult romance is the shit” (a real quote from the queen herself). And let’s not forget her iconic quote from 2016: “I’m a libra so my sexuality is essentially “you can really be any gender as long as you treat me like a princes.” Truer words have never been spoken.

Capricorn moon: Despite how personal her music is, Mitski is a rather private and reserved person, particularly when it comes to expressing her emotions. Also, Capricorn is associated with the father and she has been known to be especially private regarding her dad’s career. She is serious and intense with emotions but can sometimes get detached. The emphasis is on having control over her feelings. She is ambitious and a practical person. Her emotions are connected to her career. Those who do not know her well may see her as cold. In temperament she tends to be melancholic. Emotionally mature and wise beyond her years. Straightforward and honest with her expression. She is dependable, loyal, hard working, & realistic. Emotional fulfillment is often tied to achievement and success. Her moon in the 2nd house and 2° suggests material comforts make her feel safe. With the 2nd house being associated with venus, she is able to express her emotions in an artistic way. Could be protective over material objects. Sentimental. Music has a big impact on her emotions and mood. Peak capricorn moon culture: “I didn’t really feel anything. I’ve stopped feeling things for a long time” - Mitski, The Fader Interview, 2017. In all seriousness, I hope my capricorn moons are doing good.

Virgo mercury: Mitski is practical and detail oriented when it comes to communication and matters of learning. She takes the time to choose the right words to convey her thoughts. She is clear and concise. Mercury is in its sign of rulership here. Her mercury in the 10th house suggests that she will be known for her communication style. Has a lot of thoughts but is also organized. Analytical. Mitski likes making lists. Loves to give advice. Mercury is in 16° (cancer degree) and she has a soft spoken voice. Talks about the past and her roots (cancerian themes).

Virgo venus: In love, Mitski will assume a caretaking role and will gladly help her partner finish mundane tasks and chores. A devoted and faithful lover. Love is about the mundane and routine details of life. Love is about service. Acts of service tend to be virgo venus’ main love language. She wants to help improve her partner’s life. She is patient and observant. Values love that is simple and authentic. Appreciates a partner with whom she can have intellectual conversations. May have a tendency to be too critical on herself when it comes to love. Venus rules aesthetics & style and she tends to have a modest fashion sense. Mitski has voiced her interest in astrology and how she has asked people she’s interested for their birth times lmao. Her venus is in the 11th house, she treats a lover like she would treat a friend. In fact, romantic love probably equates to platonic love in her book. She has her venus in 24° which is a pisces degree, which explains this natural interest in astrology.

Gemini mars: Could be impatient because she moves quickly. Efficient. Has a lot of goals and likes to keep busy. She thrives when she talks to others and exchanged ideas. Likes to multitask. Very versatile. Probably has a flirty, bubbly energy when she’s attracted to someone. Attracted to intellect. Desire to see things from multiple perspectives. Gemini rules the hands so she’s skilled with playing instruments and writing. Likes to try new things. Witty and humorous. Could have nervous energy or fidget often.

Leo jupiter: The planet of luck and expansion in Leo is a big indicator of fame. Her jupiter is also in the 9th house and in 7°. Jupiter in the 9th indicates being born in a different country from where you reside now. Mitski is biracial and has lived in multiple countries growing up. She loves to learn, particularly about other cultures and ways of life. She is open minded, philosophical and values freedom and being independent. She attracts good fortune when she travels (touring!) and also when she focuses on partnerships/intimate relationships (7°). Combining this energy, Mitski attracts luck when she acts dramatically, demonstrates/teaches her knowledge, expresses herself artistically, shows her warm hearted and sometimes stubborn side, & takes chances, shows her bravery, and takes the lead. Be the Cowboy is big leo energy 🤠

Capricorn saturn: Mitski is responsible, practical, goal-oriented, and cautious. With saturn in the 3rd house, she probably had to grow up quickly and become mature at a young age. Capricorn saturn people tend to be very successful people. Strong willed. Tendency to be quiet and is a good listener. Could also be outspoken. With saturn in 18° (virgo degree), she’s very hard working but she may need to learn how to take a break and let herself rest and recharge.

Capricorn uranus: This placement also indicates that she goes after her goals and is efficient and practical in achieving them. Uranus being in the 2nd house shows that she could make money from being unique and groundbreaking. 2nd house also rules the voice! Her values are unique and she could be resistant to change them. Her self esteem could be in a constant state of flux and be tied to money. Her income could rapidly change, like maybe she did not get paid much but then suddenly she starts making a lot of money. Uranus is in 5° which is a fame degree. She’s famous for being authentically herself and very much an individual in the industry that can’t be compared.

Capricorn neptune: Capricorn neptunes are most likely realists. She is skilled at going after her dreams. Her dreams are practical and connected to themes of wealth, power, and control. Neptune in 3rd house shows a dreamy, poetic way of communicating. A very creative placement. Dreamy vibes. Could be elusive in communication, open for interpretation. Neptune is in 11° so this gives aquarian energy. Idealistic with friends and always searching for ways to achieve her dreams.

Scorpio pluto: Her power lies in her ability to analayze human interactions and be introspective with herself since it’s in the 1st house. She is very self aware. Mitski understands that life is about going through changes and she welcomes the ability to grow and rebuild. She has intense, deep emotions but has control over them and how she expresses them. Pluto in 16° adds a cancerian energy. Her strength lies in her ability to nurture and be empathetic.

Scorpio rising: First impressions of Mitski can be that she’s mysterious and secretive. A powerful and intimidating presence. This explains to me why she loves dressing in black. She probably has a strong dislike for anything superficial. She likes to get to know people on a deeper level and connect with them. She likes honesty and is probably very perceptive and intuitive. Privacy is so important to her! She has a lot of layers and wants people to unpack them, but it may take her a while to open up. She is powerful and has endurance. Her presence leaves an impact on people. Loyalty and intimacy is important. She’s not afraid to talk about taboo topics or scary, heavier emotions. Passionate and even a tendency to get fixed on or obsessed with something or someone. Her rising is in 15° (gemini degree) so she’s clever, curious, and thinks quickly. a little more flexible than a regular Scorpio rising would be.

Leo midheaven: People might see her as dramatic or arrogant. In the public eye, she was meant to be a performer. At her concerts she’s known for putting on a good show & includes interpretive dance and choreography. She becomes herself more when she’s on stage. The stage is where she shines. Has a lot of pride connected to her career. Reputation for creatively expressing herself and being brave and taking risks. Wants to be admired, especially regarding her career. Her purpose is to become a leader. Mc in 22° (capricorn degree) shows that she is a very hard worker when it comes to her career. She won’t let anyone stop her when it comes to achievement and success in her field. Another indicator of being at the top of her career and being publicly recognized for it!

TLDR: Mitski is a natural born singer, performer and artist. She is unique, talented, and an introspective writer. Being earth and water dominant, she balances practicality & stability with sentimentality & raw emotion. With all of her Capricorn placements, she is grounded and doesn’t let fame get to her head. Her chart ruler is Scorpio pluto in the 1st which means that major transformations will be a big theme in her life, especially regarding herself & her identity. She is always reflecting and looking at herself on a deep level.

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wicked-mind · 3 years

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The Night We Met

Summary: When Sam catches you and Bucky making-out in the truck, he has some questions. The most important one being how you two met.

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, some talks of boobs.

All Writings Masterlist

Any and all likes, comments, and/or reblogs are deeply appreciated (: I love that shit.

*Gifs not mine.

A soft whimper escape your lips as you tilted your head back, feeling the kisses slowly move along your jaw and down your neck. Your hands tangled in his dark locks as you press your hips more against his, “Bucky…”

Bucky grins against your neck, nipping softly at your skin. The way his name rolls off your tongue makes him grip your hips tighter in his grasp, slowly starting to move your hips back and forth against his own. He knows exactly how to drive you wild. All his focus is on you that he didn’t even notice Sam approaching the truck from the house until he knocked on the window, causing both you and Bucky to jump slightly. Bucky pulls his lips away from your neck and rolls down the window with one hand, “Uh… Hi Sam…” He said with a small smile through the window as you nuzzle your face into his neck embarrassed.

Sam folds his arms at the two of you. He had suspected Bucky to have a girlfriend with how weird he’s been acting lately with his late night phone calls and random trips that lasted for days but he’s never been able to confirm it until now, seeing you straddling Bucky in the driver’s seat of the truck, “Why don’t you invite your friend inside for a drink? Would love to meet her.” He said with a small half smile, “Five minutes.”

Bucky watched Sam turn and walk towards the house for a moment before letting out a raspy chuckle, “I think we’re busted, sweetheart.” He murmurs out to you, gently rubbing a hand up your back.

You giggle softly and pull your head back to look into his eyes, biting your bottom lip at the sight of him. He was the most beautifully built man you had ever seen but you loved his eyes the most. They looked at you like you were his world and he would do anything to keep you safe, which you knew he would, “Well, you did bring me here to meet him anyway.” You say softly, lifting a hand to stroke along his cheek gently, “We just got a little distracted.”

Bucky grinned up at you. Every touch you gave him was like fire to his core, intoxicating him. He couldn’t get drunk but god damn, it sure felt like he was drunk on something when you looked at him like that and touched him so sweetly, “We better head in, otherwise I’m not gonna be able to keep my hands off ya.”

That’s how you ended up sitting by Bucky across the table from his friend Sam, drinking a beer as the two men awkwardly stared at each other as if trying to read each other’s minds. You cleared your throat and smiled, breaking the silence “It’s nice to meet you, Sam. You have a very lovely home.”

Sam looked over to you and smiled, “Thanks, it’s nice to finally meet you too. I knew Bucky was sneaking around for some reason.” He chuckled and shook his head, “So how long have you two been…”

“Sneaking around?” You ask with a small smile before looking over towards Bucky, “Uh, about four months?”

Bucky nods in agreement and moves one of his hands under the table to your thigh, giving it a soft squeeze. He knew you were nervous just by the way small red splotches started to appear on your neck.

Sam folds his arms and leans back in his chair, his eyes flickering between the two of you, “Four months, huh?” He asks, landing his eyes on Bucky who shifted a little in his chair, “That’s about the time you went to New Orleans… So how’d you two meet?”

You and Bucky look at each other with a small smile.

About Four Months Ago

‘Go explore the world. Live a little.’ Sam had said to Bucky, ‘You’re free now, Buck. Get out there.’

That is exactly how Bucky ended up Bourbon Street in New Orleans in the middle of Mardi Gras in a state of shock while two women had pulled up their shirts to flash him. He didn’t know what to do, they were staring at him like they expected something in return but he was just shocked at what was happening before him with wide eyes and lips parted slightly. He looked like a deer in the headlights except those headlights had nipples.

Luckily, you managed to see the whole ordeal and waltzed on over to the three, pulling some beads off from around your neck and passing them to the two women, “Beautiful ladies!” You tell them as they put the beads on, pulling their shirts back down and stumbling off down the street drunkly. You turn to look at the tall, dark haired man who seemed to relax a little after the women had left, “You aren’t from around here, are you?”

Bucky sighs and shoves his hands in his pockets, “That obvious, huh?” He asks with a small half smile, observing you as you stood in front of him. You had a friendly smile on your face and your neck had many different colored beads around it, “I’m not sure what exactly I stepped in to.”

You chuckle softly and smile at him, “Well, you sort of have this cute lost puppy thing going on. That and you looked like you were going to die from shock from being flashed.” You say, pulling a few strands of the beads from your neck and slowly dropping them over his head to dangle around his neck, “It’s Mardi Gras. Girls get a little crazy and there’s this thing where if they flash you, you give them beads. So here’s these just in case you get trapped by boobs again.”

Bucky blushed but let out a small chuckle, “Thanks for saving me, I guess.” He said before pulling a gloved hand of his pocket and outstretching it to you, “I’m Bucky.”

You smile and shake his hand, “Bucky. I’m guessing that’s not your real name?” You ask, narrowing your eyes a little at his cerulean ones, “I’m Y/N.”

Bucky nods, shoving his hand back in his pocket after you shook his hand, “Yeah, my real name is James.” He said sheepishly, his eyes glued to you, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Y/N.”

You nod, “Well, since you introduced yourself to me as Bucky first, that’s what I’ll call you.” You beamed at him before looking down the street, “The parade will start soon. We should probably get somewhere less crazy. Neither of us have enough beads for the amount of women that’ll be flashing us.” You chuckle, looping your arm around his and starting to walk him down the street, “So, where you from?”

Bucky keeps pace with you, following to wherever you were leading him as long as it was away from more drunk women, “Brooklyn originally but I’ve been staying in Delacroix with a friend.” He said down to you, watching your movements, “How about you?”

You nod as you listen, looking up and over to him as you weave through people, “I lived in Seattle until I turned twenty-four, then moved here. I didn’t do well with the cold and constant grey. I prefer my sunshine and jazz. Not to mention the history and culture here is very intriguing. I love it.”

Bucky nods as he keeps his eyes glued to your face, dodging people without even looking at them as you lead him down the street, “You live in this chaos?” He asks with an amused grin.

“I thrive in the chaos.” You giggle, “But it isn’t like this all the time. We always have tourists but Mardi Gras is the craziest two weeks out of the year.” You stopped in front of a small bar and looked up at him, “C’mon, we’ll be safe in here.” You say before pulling him inside. The front of the bar was packed but you weaved him towards the back and through an archway that said private to find a secondary, smaller bar and took a seat on one of the stools, “What brings you to New Orleans?”

Bucky followed you, weaving through the crowd of bodies into the less packed area before taking a seat on the stool next to you, “Well, I haven’t traveled much except when I’m… working and just finished up some of that work so I have a lot of time on my hands now.” He said softly, “My friend suggested I explore the world.”

“Sounds like a good friend.” You reply before reaching over the bar and grabbing two glasses and a bottle of whiskey, “You like whiskey?” You ask, looking back to him to see him nod with a sort of uneasy look as you reached over the bar. You chuckled softly, “Don’t worry. It’s not stealing. I work here and I’ll make sure to pay for it.” You told him, watching him relax a little as you poured some of the amber liquid into the glasses before setting the bottle onto the bar. You lifted your glass and held it out to him, “Well, cheers to good friends pushing you into the world of New Orleans so you could meet me.”

Bucky smiles and picks up his own glass in his leather gloved hand, cheering your glass before taking a sip of the whiskey. He smiled slightly as he watched you take a sip of yours, your nose crinkling at the burn in your throat. He thought it was cute.

You set the glass down on the bar and licks your lips before looking back to him, “What hotel are you staying at? Just so I can let you know if you need to check for bedbugs.” You giggle.

Bucky squinted his eyes slightly, he knew he forgot something. Sam had showed him how to look at hotels on his phone and how to pay for rooms but he never got around to it, “Uh… No where.” He replied, “I haven’t booked a room so I guess I don’t need to worry about bedbugs.”

You laugh slightly at his response, shaking your head, “Oh, Bucky. You’re never gonna get a room now.” You tell him, “All the hotels are probably booked since it’s the middle of Mardi Gras.” You bit your bottom lip softly as you looked at him, “You could stay with me if you’d like until we manage to find you a room. You don’t want to be wondering the street all night. Besides, that way I can give you the proper tour of New Orleans without the boobs.”

Bucky smiles over at you, thinking your suggestion over before something inside him told him to agree even though he was hesitant, “Alright. Thank you, doll.” He replies, his smile widening when he saw you blush slightly at the name.

After a few more drinks and shared laughs while you two got to know each other a little better, you lead Bucky back to your apartment after he went to his truck and grabbed a duffle bag with his belongings. You watched as he looked around at every detail in your apartment like he was studying his surroundings. After grabbing some pillows and a blanket for him on the couch, you shared a goodnight before going into your bedroom and falling asleep.

The next day, you took Bucky around New Orleans showing him all the sights and sharing the history about the town. He had a constant smile on his face as he listened to you speak about the history, nodding sometimes to let you know he was still actively listening to you. Although it seemed quick, Bucky was falling for you with every word that dripped from your mouth. Your voice quickly became his new favorite sound, especially when you would get lost in a ramble and then blush when you realized you were doing all the talking. The first day together was mostly just you showing him around and how to get back to your apartment in case he wanted to go out on his own.

The second day together, you took Bucky around to try all your favorite foods. You started with mimosas with chicken and waffles, laughing when Bucky made a bitter face at the orange juice with champagne, making a joke about he must be strictly a whiskey guy which made him smile. You took him to your favorite place to get beignets and when Bucky saw how much powdered sugar was on the pastry, he made a comment about having a heart attack that made you laugh. But beignets quickly became one of his favorite snacks, especially due to the fact you wiped some powdered sugar off his chin and he returned the favor when you got some on your nose. Your night finished up by ordering some take-out gumbo and sitting on the balcony of your apartment as you two ate, watching the people flood the streets as loud jazz music filled the air.

The third day, you took him to the French Quarter after another beignets stop. Bucky was a little hesitant when you told him there were a lot of psychics that do card readings, palm readings, and other things. He was especially hesitant when you told him that you two should stop to visit your favorite palm reader, telling him that she was freaky good. You offered to go first and Bucky watched the psychic intently as she held your palm in her hand. The psychic, named Iris, told you that you have a very bright future and that your person, whether it be a best friend or a lover, was closer than you thought. Then was Bucky’s turn. He hesitantly pulled off the glove from his right flesh hand and outstretched it to Iris who gently took it in her own, tracing the lines in his palm gently with one of her fingers, “You’ve been through a lot, James. Winter has not been kind to you.” The psychic told him, which shocked Bucky. He hadn’t told her his real name and the fact that she said ‘Winter hasn’t been kind to him’ was like saying Winter was a person. Which it was. It was the past version of him, “Your ghosts want you to know they forgive you, something about it not being your fault. They thank you for your amends.” He swallowed hard before she continued, “You’re on a good path, especially since you decided to come here.” She leans forward a little and hushed her voice so you wouldn’t hear as you looked at some crystals on the gift shop wall, “You’re guide is more important to you than you know. Keep your light close.” She said, nodding over to you before giving a soft smile to Bucky.

After you two left the psychic, Bucky was more quiet than usual since you’ve met him and you wondered what the psychic had told him. You bit your lip as the two of you walked in silence, counting the bricks on the floor to distract yourself from the silence. The sun had started to set when you made it back to your apartment. Bucky immediately went out onto the balcony without saying a word and you stood in the kitchen, pondering what possibly could’ve been said that seemed to close him off slightly from you. You grabbed two beers from your fridge and went out to stand beside him with a small smile, holding one out to him.

Bucky looked over at you as you came out, still pondering what the psychic said to him. The words she said had echoed in his mind since she said them. He took the beer from you with a small half smile and muttered out a soft, “Thanks.” He took the cap off and looked out into the streets, watching people flood them again as they did every night. After a few moments of silence and noticing you shift on your feet awkwardly he turned to look at you, “I’m sorry, doll.”

You swallowed hard as he finally spoke to you, turning to face him and putting on a small smile, “It’s alright, Bucky. I’m the one who should be sorry. You didn’t really want to go see Iris and I pushed you.” You said, leaning your elbows on the banister and looking down at the beer in your hands.

Bucky frowned a little as he watched your movements and listened to the apology that spewed from your lips, your tone almost sad for seeming to offend him. He held his beer on his left gloved hand and placed the other on your back gently, “Y/N, no need to apologize. It was… enlightening.” He said softly and offered a small half smile. And it was. Iris knew things about him she shouldn’t. She knew of his ghosts and his amends. But then she spoke about how important you would be to him, calling you his guide and his light and he wondered if it was fate that he met you, “I had a really good time with you. I’m sort of sad I gotta go back to Delacroix tomorrow.”

You smile over at him, “Me too. I’ll miss having someone to eat beignets with.” You said softly, looking back down at the people in the streets dancing to the loud music, “Good thing it isn’t too far away.”

Bucky kept glancing over at you from the corner of his eye. He honestly didn’t want to leave but if he didn’t, Sam would just come looking for him like the annoying friend he was. He swallowed hard before clearing his throat at an attempt to grab your attention, which he did and he felt nervous butterflies in his stomach as you met his gaze with those beautiful, shining eyes of yours, “Maybe I could come back next week?” He asks, “I mean… I’d like to eat more beignets with you.” He internally flinched at how he sounded before letting out a deep breath, “What I mean is that I would like to see you again… Take you out on a date.”

You smile over at him, turning your body to face his and bit your lip as you listened to him stammer over his words which made you giggle a bit with a small blush to your cheeks, “Now here I thought I was taking you out on mini-dates.” You teased with a smile before continuing, “I’d like that very much, Bucky. You know where to find me.” You said softly, reaching over and taking his hand in yours and together you silently watched the parade in the street while giving small squeezes to each other’s hands.

Present

Sam listened to the story and then held up his hand, “Wait… So you two met because you saved him from…”

“Boobs.” You finish with a chuckle, looking over at Bucky who had this look on his face like he was done with this conversation, a slight pink on his cheeks, “Yup. I saved him from boobs.”

Sam nodded slowly and looked over to Bucky with an amused grin, “So your little ‘escapes’ have been going to see the woman that saved you from boobs.” He said, holding back a laugh.

Bucky glared over at Sam, “It’s not like I was scared. I just didn’t know what to do. They kept staring at me like they earned something.” You and Sam both let out a chuckle which made Bucky look over at you with a half smile at the sound of your laughter. You laughing was his favorite sound, especially when it was because of him.

“The boobs kept staring at you or the women?” Sam asks with a laugh. That earned a groan and an eye roll from Bucky and a laugh from you. Sam folds his arms with the same grin on his lips, “Alright then. Well, we have a spare bedroom. You’re welcome anytime, Y/N. You’ll have to come to one of our cookouts.”

You smile and nod, “Perfect. I’ll bring the beignets.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Permanet Taglist: @buckypops @bibliophilewednesday @stcrryslibrary @redhairedfeistynerd @princessnnylzays

#bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes oneshot #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes

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shutupanddance · 3 years

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A blind reader meets Spock and he suggest they touch his face to see what he looks like. Spock accidentally reads the blind persons mind during the touching and sees that they're secretly sad about their condition and he comforts them. 🙏🏾🖖🏾

This is adorable!! I’m all for Spock being sweet and understanding that he may have to do things counter to his culture to help someone out. Enjoy ;)

The voices on the Enterprise are loud, all talking together, and it sounds like a beautiful, strange melody.

You love the way they all sound so happy, and so comfortable with each other.

You’re seated in the corner of the lounge, waiting for your orientation to start. The rest of the crew have been here before, receiving information and going through protocol before every long mission. You’re new, however, so this is all different for you.

Someone settles into the seat beside you.

”I am Spock.” A voice states, and you smile. Your hand extends.

”Y/N.”

He shakes your hand.

“I was informed that you are new to the crew. I believe you were in an accident, are now blind, and needed a place to continue working since your old job had no more use for you?”

You’re shocked at his bluntness. What an odd man. Still, most people tip-toe around you these days, so you don‘t mind too much. It’s almost refreshing.

”Yes, that is correct. I don’t believe I’ve heard of you before, are you a crew member?” You ask, and hope that he’ll stay. You don’t want to go back to waiting alone.

”I am. Assigned to the bridge.” Blunt, again.

”You must see lots of beautiful sights from that window!” You say, not realizing the irony at the time.

”It is indeed beautiful. Nebulas are my personal favorite.”

You smile.

”May I ask you something, Y/N?”

”Go right ahead.”

”Considering you are newly blind, would it help you to identify us if you could associate a face with each voice?”

You pause, not really understanding what he’s suggesting.

”I… guess so? It can be hard sometimes to distinguish the different voices, since I’m not very experienced…”

”I must invite you, then, to feel my face to help you picture it.”

You’re shocked. Feel his face? Is this man a creep? Or is he trying to help? Why should he?

”I’ve heard that it may help,” he adds on, and although you cannot see your own furrowed brows, he can. And he’s hoping he didn’t overstep. You just looked so alone.

”Alright,“ you say finally, nervousness in your voice.

You reach your hands out in front of you, and a pair of larger ones brush lightly against your fingers, pulling them towards a face.

Spock’s face is angular and strong. His cheekbones rise high, and the line of his forehead is relaxed. Your fingers brush across his hair briefly, and when they fly across his ears, you’re suddenly aware of the identity of the person whose face you’re touching.

Spock. Spock the Vulcan. Spock as in, Captain Kirk’s best friend. THE Spock.

Shit.

You don’t realize you‘ve jumped away until he says something.

”I’m sorry, did I startle you?”

”N-no no, sorry, I-“ you laugh nervously “- I know who you are, I just couldn’t connect the name with the person, I’ve always been back with names-“

You feel your hands being pulled gently back to where they were, and you thumb glances over Spock’s lips. He’s smiling.

”Do not worry about it. I think it is often a human blight to struggle with names. Maybe my face will help with that?”

”Okay, okay,” you’re saying, still nervous, but now tracing the lines of his face again. You want to commit them to memory.

But as you’re tracing, Spock feels a flash of something. Sadness. It’s not his own, no, nothing like his own emotions, but this is deep. It’s… it’s you.

”You are not happy with your condition?” He asks, and once again, you’re stunned with his bluntness. But, now knowing he’s a Vulcan, you understand.

”Well, who would be?” You joke, laughing, slightly less nervous this time. You feel his face contract in a frown.

“I am sorry, it must be difficult. However, do you not still have your intelligence? Do you not still hear birds sing and smell candles? Did the accident take away your beauty?”

You’re floored by the last one. Beauty? Your hands hesitate.

”I’m sorry, Y/N, I believe I overstepped.”

”No, no. Thank you. You’re right.”

You let your hands fall into your lap, and tilt your head as you listen.

”Their voices,” you say quietly, a little embarrassed, “sound almost like a melody. The crew, I mean. It sounds beautiful.”

You can’t see it, but Spock closes his eyes for a moment, and listens.

And for that moment, he can hear it, too. The melody.

#star trek imagine #star trek headcanon #star trek fanfiction #star trek reader insert #star trek #star trek spock #spock headcanons #spock imagine #spock #spock x reader #masterlist

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 3 years

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What’s your opinion for Leo’s reaction to finding out the mc was immortal as well- not necessarily a vampire, maybe they’re some other type of supernatural. I’m really curious because Leo seems like he’s mainly in love with the mc bec they are human.

Hi lovely!!! Always wonderful to see you, hope you’re well! 💛💛💛💛💛

Tbh I think my opinion remains the same about something like this? I'm going to link to an ask I wrote up a while ago, only because it's v pertinent to the subject matter and good background for what I’m going to expand on here.

That being said, I'm happy to kind of tl;dr/expand on what I talked about there. Basically I had the feeling that Leonardo choosing MC as a lover was more circumstantial--regarding the state of his life in the moment, regarding his general feelings about vampires and vampire society, and regarding his unresolved trauma as a young kid.

I guess my answer to that question--and forgive me if it seems like a cop out--is that it really depends, I feel? I think his attraction has a lot more to do with the kind of person somebody is, their sensibility, more than it has to do with mortal vs immortal. If it was an immortal MC that showed ridiculous fortitude and self-control, measured patience and maturity, I really don’t see him not noticing that? I think he would be wary at first (assuming it’s all a front) but with time would likely feel a great deal of love if they were interested in a life together. If they were able to see and understand what he needs and answered those needs, I guess I just really doubt his ability to say no. It’s all he’s really looking for, and the fact that he hasn’t found it after so long really speaks to his frightened evasiveness and the rare nature of that kind of unshakeable strength.

I also think a lot of his hinging away from purebloods (true immortals, in other words) is that he 100% does not want his familia having any involvement in his meaningful relationships. Which might be why he shows more acceptance towards turned vampires, or potentially different supernatural beings.

But I also don’t like giving a vague answer without some kind of explanation as to how I got, to that conclusion, so a boatload of analysis follows below the content warning.

Spoilers for Leonardo’s route and a few mentions of JPN ver content:

I think he has less of an obsession with the idea of mortality, and more like a constant association of goodness and freedom and maturity with humanity. And while it's understandable, there are signs that--when he has the proper time and space to heal--his views seem to soften from those extremes. I mean his decision to live with Comte is pretty much his first step in that direction; it was him acknowledging for the first time that vampires aren't inherently loathsome or incapable of normal living. (On a revealing note, I think it says a lot that he agrees with MC that she is living in a “wolves’ den” but also feels the need to clarify the men are basically the domesticated equivalent. They don’t pose the same threat other vampires typically do to humans because of their lifestyle and sire.) Additionally, his tsun-like behavior towards Comte also seems to solidify this concept for me: Leonardo’s trying to come to terms with something he's sworn to reject since he was young, but also can't entirely deny that Comte is as chill and mature as purebloods come lmao

[There was also an event in the JPN ver–which seems to be approaching the ENG version rapidly, though only the first part is here right now–in which Leonardo fully offers to turn her. MC is essentially on her death bed, and Leonardo doesn’t want to lose her after so little time together; it’s MC that rejects the future as a vampire out of sheer principle. Even more noteworthy is that, when a reincarnation of MC is reunited with Leonardo in modern times, he is revealed to be exceptionally shaken by that loss. There are suggestions he can’t take losing her again, which could mean succumbing to the desire to bite her.]

Two things I feel are necessary to hit home:

The first being that, at least within the storyline so far, the most mature and human-like vampires we’ve seen are Leonardo and Comte. They seek to emulate the maturity they see reflected in the human beings they’ve known all their lives. Given how vampire society and their hierarchies work, I get the feeling humans are nothing more than amusing tools to them--a way to survive and creatures to exercise control over. There’s an objectification and delusion that comes with what I’ve seen, and I think it’s important in this discussion? If the vast majority of vampires behave this way (because I’m ngl, Leonardo and Comte don’t seem very keen on remaining in touch with other vampires all that much) then it only makes sense they prefer the company of humans who can at least share this sensibility of “been there, done that--stop hurting people bc you’re bored/repressed, grow up.”

One event story where this was exceedingly evident was actually Leonardo’s proposal story. If y’all remember, an old pal/acquaintance of Leonardo’s finds out he’s gunning for a human woman and basically goes “lmao not on my watch.” His name was Adam iirc, and he felt he had every liberty to try and pressure Leonardo into turning MC. Failing that, he insisted they should break up and not be together anymore. Now, on the one hand, it’s fair to say that he was looking out for Leonardo in a way–he didn’t want him to end up miserable and alone when she was gone. But at the same time I feel that Adam’s behavior is deeply revealing of vampire society as well lmao. He doesn’t really try to understand the situation, just immediately assumes it’s the only appropriate outcome. It does insinuate a lowkey cultural disdain for humanity: they are imperfect, they do not last or cannot have real value without preservation. If Adam was really Leonardo’s friend, wouldn’t he realize that Leonardo considers vampirism nothing more than a burden that he would wish on no one, much less his future wife? Additionally, wouldn’t he also keep in mind that Leonardo considers human beings beautiful just as they are? Since he fails these basic requirements to understand Leonardo, my impression is that he is influenced by the larger vampire culture to some extent. Furthermore, it underscores just how thoroughly Leonardo has been trained to keep his cards close to his chest for fear of ridicule/violent reprisal: no vampires know his true feelings on the matter because he would be vehemently rejected outright.

[One can also offer that maybe Adam wasn’t being malicious, maybe vampires find human women they fall in love with all the time and turn them (or any other permutation of companionship that occurs), so he doesn’t understand why Leonardo wouldn’t. But even then, to try to force them to break up if she doesn’t turn? A bit overkill imo but also revealing--Leonardo’s will is being ignored for the sake of upholding a kind of ill-founded superiority complex lmao]

While Leonardo does have a somewhat overbearing need to control the pacing of his relationship and who sacrifices what, I don’t think it’s wrong to be cautious--to want to think things through. I think it’s fair to be afraid that the person you’re with can’t handle what you’ve seen/known. But that also leads me to a core issue I have with MC: she doesn’t inspire much confidence that she can handle the life he’s lived, and that’s a problem of both incapacity and incompatibility. I have to wonder how he reacts when he’s with somebody at the same maturity level, or at the very least somebody with whom he can see her strength with time. When MC’s life was dying out he was desperate enough to accept biting her because he didn’t want to lose her–human or not. It’s MC that rejects this solution, which leads me to further believe that he just doesn’t care about the divide when it comes down to it; it has more to do with his difficulty with being vulnerable and fully trusting someone to care about him. (Assuming they also have the fortitude to stay hopeful and relatively strong over the course of a very long life.)

In line with that, the second thing I think it’s important to acknowledge is how deeply hurt Leonardo is as a result of his family treating him like a fool/black sheep. He outright says and heavily insinuates that his family would write her off as worthless, that they’d never accept her--that's his first thought:

Leonardo: “My familia would call you frail. I think you’re strong and beautiful. You do more with your time than we try to do with ours.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC: “And those letters were from your familia?”

Leonardo: “Yeah. I don’t talk to them or see them anymore. We don’t agree...on a lot of things.”

[Brief intermission here. But lmao. Who does that sound like? If any of you guessed Isaac, that’s exactly what I’m alluding to. Isaac says in his own route smth along the lines of “Why bother trying to get through to people when no amount of talking does any good or gets you any closer to being understood?” Which also explains the way they get along to uncanny degrees: they find comfort in making things/researching because it means being able to avoid the distress that comes with being blatantly misunderstood by others. Their pain simply comes in different dimensions; for Leo it’s about loss and hiding who he is out of fear of rejection, for Isaac it’s about betrayal and people turning on him--ultimately abandonment for both. But I digress, back to the main argument.]

Leonardo: “Once they discovered my location, they began hounding me with letters again. They don’t want me to be with just anyone...They want more purebloods. I’m no more than one half of an equation for them.”

There is a clear implication that his desire to choose somebody that truly makes him happy means jack shit to them. They keep talking over him and trying to wear him down to force him into what they want. It’s no wonder--imo--that he has such a hard time just saying what he wants in his life, to feel like he has the freedom to wish and pursue anything freely. It’s no wonder he just expects MC to spit on everything that’s important to him. It appears as though only other human beings in general and Comte have ever come close to understanding him.

At some point MC realizes that his insistence on being compagni provvisori was originally just another act of sacrifice, and that he was fine with giving up his time and a little privacy if it meant she would be safe. The thing she doesn’t seem to realize in the course of this--and he struggles to say it until later on--is that it stopped being blind generosity. He really did start to fall in love with her, and that’s the whole reason things became even more messy; because he didn’t anticipate not being able to let go on top of the vulnerability. And it’s a big part of why he’s hesitating to speak. He feels he has no right to those feelings, and that he’s imposing on her--not that he’ll be welcome.

And when she did finally admit those feelings were welcome, it was compounded by the parroted views of his family and larger vampire society as a whole. Saying that she herself wasn’t enough, that she had to become a vampire to make him happy. Imo that sounds very potentially retraumatizing given his experiences (people trying to force him into marriages with other vampires who didn’t remotely understand or care about him because it was “the right way of things”). It’s no wonder he freaks out and does something incredibly stupid and insensitive–which is pretty insanely ooc for him.

Leonardo: “...It shocked them. Quieted them down a bit. Hard to get peace when your familia is immortal. Grazie, cara mia.”

Leonardo: “You’re strong, and you’re kind. So probably you won’t cry while I’m here to see it. But when I’m not looking, you’ll cry. If I had done that to you (bitten her, in other words), you’d still be crying when I wasn’t watching... Maybe it’s selfish of me, after what I did, but I just wanted to make you happy. You always look pretty, cara mia, but your smile takes my breath away...It’s not your destiny to love someone who will only make you cry.”

This man literally cannot handle anyone deeply sad or in despair. He’s always going to try to cheer people up and care about them, but general tragedy/emotional discord affects him very powerfully--and it’s likely a reflection of what I’ve mentioned before. He can’t bear to see people feeling helpless or miserable because he’s just been there too many times to be able to cope. He wants to help and heal (even if he’s suffering from prolonged compassion fatigue), but he knows that his powers are limited--even if he is a pureblood.

And the thing is? While it’s misguided to believe she would cry alone when it comes to the context of healthy romantic love (bc the idea would be that you lean on each other when something upsetting happens) he has zero reference point. He was not born as a result of authentic love (his parents never married, he was the result of a procreative arrangement), his family talks over every wish and belief he has and they still claim it’s done out of love/honest concern for him. One can only imagine the serpentine and obnoxious lengths to which his family has deceived or tried to force him into reconnecting with them. Every person that ever did know him/care about him in a real way is gone. Love, for him, has only been a series of losses that left his heart hollowed out; I don’t really blame him for expecting further disappointment and isolation and exhaustion.

He’s also not wrong in the sense that he partially saw MC do what he outlined, and it’s a big part about what he loves about her. When she was feeling alone and lost–powerless–all she did was shrug and move forward. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, but focusing on what you can do instead of what you can’t do is healthier. And they both have the tendency to hide when they’re in pain or feeling lost, all because they don’t want to trouble anyone. Remember that when he says this, it’s a reflection of himself too: because even if he was heartbroken beyond measure, all he would do is hide it every second; he would never expect anyone to see right through him or care.

I mean I tend think of that one post I saw that talked about how people often see themselves as a social burden when most of their life has just been a series of neglect and loss. They don’t really have a concept of “you’re not heavy because I want to stay with you. It’s my choice to care about you.” How do you feel worthwhile an existence when four hundred years later your family still won’t treat you with basic dignity. The men in the mansion also all look to him for guidance and soothing because of the kind of person he is–he’s either silent in the periphery or helping. He never betrays so much as an inkling of insecurity or distress.

I mean the whole reason Leonardo comes to the mansion is because he has absolutely no issue helping Comte in a pivotal time of need without seeking much of anything in return. Remember that Comte explains how Leonardo came to the mansion in response to Comte’s distress about the future. This makes sense considering Comte was rapidly trying to stop Vlad by beating him to the punch, and had only enough time to plan the basics. He had no certainty things would work out, much less that his boys would thrive. But Comte, unlike the boys, has become acutely aware of how much Leonardo is hiding his fatigue and despair in the course of being helped. As such, he wants to return the favor--and tries to be a good friend to him as much as he can (handles his insane familia, keeps things light and silly time between them, takes him seriously as a person, doesn’t pry beyond what’s fair.)

[I also think of that psychology concept of “the good enough mother.” It’s not always about being perfect every second of your life. It’s about paying attention and acting where it really counts. I feel like people who grow up under an enormous burden of neglect or parental/mentor abuse have a hard time coming to terms with the idea. This notion that just trying is enough for a lot of people, that showing them they’re not alone is enough to make difficult memories bearable. Because it’s the oppressive silence and apathy that tends to kills people, imo--not people who mean well. But Leonardo doesn’t really understand any kind of reciprocal or non-self-emptying model because the concept is beyond him. He has no experience with it beyond Comte and a select few humans he’s befriended.]

Let’s continue on this point of MC crying where he can’t see her, shall we? The reason this scares him so much is not because he doesn’t care, or doesn’t want to make the effort. It’s precisely that he cares to the point of madness. It’s that he is legitimately convinced nothing he has to say, nothing that he can do, no part of him is enough to ease what she will have to trade away to stay with him. The core issue is not one of disregard or objectification, I find it to be more about his belief that he just isn’t enough. He doesn’t trust that anyone can love him to the point where just the sight of him or time with him can heal. And while there is a foolishness to this belief, it’s understandable when you consider where he’s coming from. You can call it selfishness, but it just feels involuntary--he has a lot of fear when it comes to love.

I mean Comte even says it himself? His words here always strike me: “I want you to understand, it’s because he cherishes you just as you are--more than he cares about his future or his well-being.”

Comte is openly identifying the way that Leonardo has a tendency to give more than is healthy. That Leonardo isn’t hesitating because his feelings are lacking, he’s doing it because he knows it’s going to hurt like a bitch trying to love her and never ask beyond what feels reasonable. (Spoilers: no request is reasonable. That’s the problem here. He’s convinced he deserves nothing.) Therefore turning her into a vampire to stay with him is--consequently, to Leonardo--out of the question. This is the literal hingepoint at which Comte and Leonardo divide; Comte simply tells MC he’ll take full responsibility for asking so much of her. He intends to make her happy with every single resource and skill he has at his disposal. Even if he doubts his ability or fears losing her to vampire rhetoric madness, he’d rather try than live with the regret and immediate loss. Leonardo is more resistant because of his dour outlook, that her fear of immortality is never going to be something that either of them can overcome. And/or he’s likely afraid she’s only going to regret being together after so long, and might succumb to the ridiculous sort of power/greed complexes vampires seem so attracted to by nature.

I think Leonardo is still coming to terms with the idea that he isn't alone in the world in a lot of ways, and I think he's also coming to terms with the idea that immortality does not equate to evil. Sure, human beings on average are probably more open to flexible modes of thinking and living compared to vampires--their maturity is in some ways guaranteed due to the instances they're forced to adapt to survive. However, just one look at the ruling class and oligarchies of all kinds (even just stubborn human beings) reveals how they are not immune to the same sort of megalomania, arrogance, and thoughtless violence purebloods/vampires are capable of.

So I guess I hesitate when it comes to the thought that he only loves her because she's human. If anything, I think he loves her for the fact that she's very rooted in reality--not quite so bound by the extremes that trouble him. It's one of the many reasons I believe Leonardo needs a lot of maturity and patience; the ability to differentiate between his panicked/overwhelmed/hurt reactions versus his calm is a skill in and of itself considering his capacity for concealment. To say nothing of getting him to slow down when this happens, too.

I suppose I think about it in a way that’s similar to how Napoleon’s main story narrative is framed. While Leonardo’s route doesn’t focus on the grandeur of being a former emperor, there is a clear insinuation here that he also craves normalcy? Just a little life, with a person he loves dearly, where he can rest and be himself for once. I think because he gives off such an appearance of steadiness, people fail to see that he is barely holding on--not to mention the kind of experiences he’s been deprived of (the exact security and understanding he so expertly emulates).

Closer to your question, it’s worth mentioning that Leonardo’s life goal for a while was the creation of an immortal human being--in that he fully recognized human beings could not offer what he needed as they were.

He loves humans because of their adaptability, their frequent desire to keep seeking out hope and making the best of the broken pieces they have. But then again, it has more to do with the nature of how frequently that sensibility occurs in humans vs vampires (and immortality in general): mortality does demand some level of necessity to change and grow. Which is one of the largest trauma points for him; the vampires around him just refused to grow up, always demanding at him like children and obsessed with their power complexes.

Thing is I also don't know enough about vampire society to know how correct this perceived ratio is. However, given Comte's similar avoidance of other vampires and general inability to live with them (he and Vlad were literal childhood best friends and Comte can't stand him anymore lmao) I think Leonardo may have more validity here than people give him credit for. Which begs the question--why did he quit trying to make a human immortal? What was it that stopped him? Was it the horror of what needed to be done to achieve it? Or would a potential companion start to fall more in love with the idea of immortality than they do with life itself/him? I think it’s a worthwhile question to ask, given the disdain he seems to aim at Shakespeare in particular--once human, but now emulates all of the violence and insatiability marked by vampirism.

This is where the transition from human to vampire/immortal contains another hingepoint: is Leonardo so incapable of finding a middle ground because he feels like any choice he makes will be a wrong one? Marry a human, deprive them of a normal love where they can grow old together. Marry a human and turn them, what if they are reborn with immortal wounds/psychological harm? What if time proves they get bored of him or hateful, what if they begin to act like the predatory purebloods he hates so much? Marry a pureblood/immortal, and be hounded by his family for heirs--risk being with somebody who will never love him or their children, and only inspire more misery in the world.

Does it make sense how this can really start to become an anxious downspiral for someone like him? How the personal insecurity and life history comes together to just compound stress endlessly?

That's the thing that's important here, I think. Leonardo just needs somebody who is open-minded, firm, and not easily deceived. If one takes a look at Leonardo's main story route, the whole reason everything goes to shit so disastrously is because MC stops listening at a critical point. Granted Leonardo could have been more forthcoming for sure, but when she started assuming Shakespeare was right instead of seeing how Leonardo was feeling/reacting, she responded in ways Leonardo wasn't prepared for. He never wanted to shake her faith or insinuate whatever she is is not good enough for him, and tbh I think Leonardo downspiraled because it was just the same thing all over again. What he is--a vampire and immortal--keeps ruining everything he wants with his life.

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp meta #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp leo #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp comte #can you tell i think too hard about these things kjhdglshf #sorry this reply took me a little longer than i meant to--but i really did want to do the topic proper justice!!#leonardo is such a dear person to me and I can't help but sympathize #people are free to disagree with this but it's just how i feel about the topic #the more i see about him in event stories--the sense this his trembling heart is slowly easing--the less i can believe such things matter #to him all that much tbh #i also think the event where he loses her is just all the more telling too?#i feel like if it really was a matter of principle and not love he would have just accepted it #humans have a v short lifespan--what can be done #sort of reaction #but that's not how he reacted at all: he was a man beside himself with dread and sadness #and even when he meets her reincarnation he can't help but want to be with her again #iirc he starts shaking at the slightest mention of when she died--and shows a lot less ability to resist the urge to turn her #so anywho brief summation is that i think this is more about so many sad boy hours and fear of widespread immortal megalomania #than it is abt hatred for immortality #he has no confidence good things can last without being warped--and that's the key issue here #'nothing gold can stay'#long post #rambles #not incorrect quotes #if you manage to read this without falling asleep i applaud you ajkhldghkfjsdg #thanks for the ask tho--i love any excuse to yell abt leo <333

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wistfulrat · 3 years

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this week’s fics! feat. bakeries, bookshops, bisexual awakenings of the angsty and fluffy sort, wolfstar goddads being tender as hell, desi harry reconnecting with his culture, domestic drarry, a lap dance set to akon’s smack that, and more!

But That’s History by @ebbet - 54k - T Harry Potter starts his first year as Muggle Studies Professor only to find that Draco Malfoy has been hired to teach History of Magic.

listen to me. this is one of the funniest drarry fics i've ever read. i was cackling in my bed at 2am because harry’s internal monologues throughout this fic are unhinged. insanely quotable. “what was he, a lothario” and “you were crushing me with your muscular thighs!” are lines that live rent free in my empty head. harry has never played anything cool a day in his life. there’s a faculty meeting where the teachers are planning the yule ball and debating the merits of a DJ when harry decides he must defend his muggle-music-loving honor by dancing seductively to akon’s smack that while a blushing draco loses his mind. i fucking screamed. and the best part is that in between the comedic scenes threading the overall story, you have extremely tender moments of like, padma patil helping harry become a more rooted desi by sharing their cultural traditions, harry proudly donning his sherwani. draco wrestling with his past, going to harry’s lgbtq+ club for students, being sheepish with ron and hermione. ugh, comedic writers with emotional depth are clever and talented as hell!!

Realities, Unfurling by @ebbet - 45k - M Draco Malfoy is released from Azkaban into a changed world.

incredible collage-fic told from multiple povs. 8yrs post-war and everything’s changed. the current state of the magical world unfolds via slice-of-life snapshots from a truly stunning cast. non-binary harry whom is running a non-prof org dedicated to building tolerance and establishing equality for marginalized identities. post-prison-release draco whose life will be changed by the internet. neville’s tender relationship with blaise. andromeda’s fiercely protective mothering. remus and sirius being alive and very hot and just, the tender goddads harry deserved. cho chang being brilliant. baker pansy’s softened edges. found families abound. harry being flustered by their crush on draco and making personalized playlists on an iPod nano.

that all might sound narratively cluttered but the author more than pulls this off. glorious, start to finish.

Knead by @jovialobservationanchor (an @hd-erised fic) - 83k - E This is not a story about Harry renovating Grimmauld Place. This is a story about coffee shops and brewpubs, about Ginny and Luna on a farm with creatures, about magical Oregon, coastal road trips, flying, friendship, and Draco Malfoy's lean arms.

cinematic. a love letter to oregon’s expansive landscapes and lively cities. it’s harry finding home in unexpected places and people. in the vast silence of rolling fields, endless coasts, and starry night skies big enough to feel like you’re adrift in space. and it’s also the lingering, intimate quiet of early mornings in a bakery, sitting on a park bench overlooking the city as you eat ice cream next to your crush. it’s harry watching ginny and luna dance and work around each other like bees. it’s the slow unfolding of harry and draco’s relationship as they fill each other’s quiet. finishing this fic is like waking from a good dream. transporting, immersive, lovely.

Harry Potter and the Bisexual Awakening by @writcraft - 20k - E Harry is perfectly content being single, heterosexual and living in Godric's Hollow with his very clingy rescue dog, Snitch. When Draco Malfoy turns up on Harry's doorstep demanding that Harry teach him how to drive, things quickly become a lot more complicated.

first of all, i feel very seen by draco being a gay-who-can’t-drive. it’s called representation. but mostly i love the ease of harry and draco’s banter, a flustered harry discovering his sexuality, and the way this fic addresses biphobia. also very emo over this exchange: “I think I might be scared of you, but probably not for the reasons you think.” “Yes.” Draco stares at Harry. “I think I might be scared of you too.”

Forged through flowing water by @tedahfromtayla (an @hd-erised fic) - 40k - E When Hermione sets up a diplomatic mission to begin repairing the damage British colonisation did to Indian magical communities Harry isn’t going to pass on the opportunity to visit and help his family’s home country. Maybe he should have asked a few more questions about the personnel she had recruited for it before signing on because Malfoy surely has an ulterior motive to be there.

so much to love about this fic. the beautiful settings, from kolkata to mumbai, to the holi festival and colorful lively streets, to remote cave settlements and old intricate temples. it’s harry in the homeland, reconnecting to his family’s heritage and confronting the weight of imperialism in his history. it’s nipping the white savior complex in the bud. this part: That is what England left behind. That is what it still stands for, despite whatever mask of respectability and honour it presents. . .You don't get to step aside and let someone else deal with the mess. You have to listen and learn and then act, Malfoy, you need to learn how to fix your own mess. This is why we're here. my indigenous ass cheered. HP certainly sells the british fantasy but HP fanfic?? fuck jkr, fuck the crown. i love that this fic doesn’t romanticize england’s history. i love that we get to see the vast resilience and beauty of post-colonial india.

Purity Control by yrfrndfrnkly - 28k - T In which Harry tries to ignore his trauma with fantasy Quidditch but Malfoy's Thereness™ is distracting and all his classmates want to talk about are unicorns, virginity, and Muggle music.

tender 8th year fics where they go from bristly as fuck to understanding and soft 100% guaranteed to make me emo as hell. all the teens have traumas and no one wants to talk about it but eventually Things are Talked About. it’s good of the adults to finally notice. everyone just wants someone to hold their hand. and this part: “You’re the only person around here who’s a bigger mess than I am.” “I thought maybe we could be a mess together,” pls don’t look at me as i weep over their gentle empathy.

Advent, a comic by dustmouth - WIP - T It's Harry and Draco's first Christmas together and Draco is determined to live his full yuletide fantasy, come hell or high water.

dustmouth, patron saint of whimsical drarry. whose illustrations singlehandedly reinvented wizarding fashion. whose cheeky and tender comics are like a soothing balm to the utter depravity of this carnal world. harry and draco being domestic, draco’s xmas spirit brand being “traditional unhinged”!! extremely my shit. we’ll absolutely be reading this all december.

Little Spaces by @dracoladon and @lazywonderlvnd - WIP - E Draco's back from France and working on the spell damage ward at St Mungo's with Hermione, who invites him over for dinner. Without telling Harry. This is a roleplay, which means Harry is written by one author (lazywonderland) and Draco by another (dracoladon).

the switch in distinct character voices works so well for this fic!! tonally i feel like i'm watching an episode of the office. i personally love harry and draco being Pissed Off at how much they want to bone each other. the battle of the tapenade was the most riveting dinner scene i've read in a minute. clever, hilarious, emotionally tense. can’t wait until that inevitable moment post hate-sex when they’re gonna be like “oh noooo it’s a Heart Boner as well!! >:((” hell ya we’re subscribing for chapter updates.

Dragons Don’t Know Paradise by @teacup-tai - WIP - E In 2004, when Remus spends two scary weeks in the ITU due to complications of pneumonia and his HIV condition, Sirius walks around the house like a ghost and Harry finds comfort and strength in Draco through a chat in an online LGBT forum. Harry falls for him, but Draco has a lot of secrets and, before long, will need to come clean—even if he believes that no one is able to understand a dragon.

non-magical bookshop AU. remus and sirius’ relationship is a marvel. the ease of their affection with harry makes me so emo. draco’s friends being insistently present even as he tries to isolate himself. this is a story about acceptance, found families, and falling in love at a distance. the intimacy, the longing, the tenderness. what a fic!! i keep coming back to this part:...he looks at ease, inside his body, a body he needed to fight for. He’d made peace with his struggles and his scars. And Draco realises he wants that. He wants to be at ease inside his body, the body that now carries a virus. He wants to be at peace with his own existence. you hurt for draco so deeply but you get moments like these where he affords himself a kindness that feels foreign and it’s just!! the boys navigating grief and learning to be vulnerable. so good.

#drarry fic rec #drarry #we live and die for desi harry aka hari poddar bc fuq jkr #a lot of soft drarrys this week but in my defense ive been reading hella angst and my depression was not finding that cute #weekly drarrys

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tlcwrites · 3 years

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Two Hearts Make a Whole

Prompt: “Kiss me again, like you mean it.” Photo prompt below.

Summary: NYC Pride is for celebration, and occasionally, long-overdue revelations.

Word Count: 2,001

Tags/Content warnings: Marvel. Stucky. If you have a problem with it, there's the door. SFW. Slight TFATWS spoilers so read at your own risk. Platonic Reader. Two idiots in love. Technically canon-divergent because I'm still in my everyone-is-alive-and-in-this-timeline happy place that I will never ever leave fuck you very much Russo brothers but not AU. Found family. All the feels. Complete and total LGBTQ+ support. Lots of bad language words because #me. Un-beta'd.

Author’s Note: Okay so yes this is technically 4 weeks late for @autumnleaves1991-blog's Writer Wednesday weekly challenge. BUT, it was incredibly important to me to finish this one before Pride month is over. Made it by the skin of my teeth.

Happy Pride, y’all. If you’re out, you’re amazing. If you’re closeted, you’re amazing. However you identify is valid and important. Trans folx are LGBTQ+. Bisexuals are LGBTQ+. Ace folx are LGBTQ+. Anyone who identifies or thinks they may be as queer is LGBTQ+. All are welcome in the family. You have the right to choose your pronouns and we have the responsibility to use them. Live whatever your truth looks like to you and love each other. Love is love is love is love. If your family doesn’t accept you for you, I’m your mom now and I’ve got mom hugs available on demand. Homophobes and TERFS can fuck off and roll in poison ivy. Always punch Nazis. Pride shouldn't be limited to the month of June. And don’t you dare forget that Black and Brown trans women were the ones who rioted at Stonewall, and we owe everything to their bravery. Don’t forget that much of popular ‘gay’ culture was appropriated from Black women. And for more facts about Pride that you should absolutely know, Rawiyah Tariq (@ mammyisdead on Instagram) has a phenomenally good overview.

“Oh my god.” You gasp loudly. "Oh my GOD. Is that-"

“What?!” Instantly in First Avenger Protective Mode™️, Steve surveys the crowd, wishing he had an actual shield instead of the screen printed one on his shirt. “What is it?”

You gasp again, smacking Sam’s arm repeatedly. “OHMYGOD IT IS HOLY FUCK.”

“First; ow.” Now-Cap rubs his bicep. “Second; clue in the class before Steve has an aneurysm, please.”

Vibrating with excitement doesn’t begin to describe your current state. “HER ROYAL HIGHNESS MISS LEMON MERINGUE IS STANDING RIGHT FUCKING THERE.”

With the finesse of a shampoo commercial, Bucky's dark locks fly as he whips around. “What?!”

“RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE.” You abandon a relieved Sam and latch on to Bucky’s vibranium arm. “Oh my GOD I love her so fucking much.”

“She was robbed, absolutely fucking robbed,” he agrees, craning his neck to get a better view. “Divine Tension’s lip sync was shameful.”

Sam glances at Steve, who is slowly coming out of protector mode. “What the ever-loving hell are they talking about?”

“RuPaul’s Drag Race.” Nat flicks more confetti at both Cap-the-former and Cap-the-current. “They watch it every week.”

“Really, Steven, for a guy with enhanced super senses, you miss a lot.” Tony hefts a bedazzled Morgan higher on his back. The toddler, accompanied by Scott playing air-piano on the ground, sings along with the ABBA song being blasted at full volume through the street. Tony continues as if this is an everyday occurrence. “Why do you think both of your People disappear every Friday evening?”

Ears pink, Steve mumbles something.

“What?!” The only other one with hearing enhanced enough to hear a murmur over the cacophony of several thousand people belting out the chorus of ‘Dancing Queen’ at the top of their lungs, Bucky turns to stare at his friend. “You thought we were datin’?”

Steve’s blush extends down his neck.

You and Bucky stare at each other for a moment before you both collapse on each other, exploding into stomach clenching, thigh slapping laughter.

“I’m gonna guess that’s a ‘no’?” Clint confirms with Nat.

“Oh, a big ‘no’.” She watches affectionately as you and Bucky calm down enough to look at each other, breathe for a second, and both promptly dissolve into hysterics once more. “Like, the biggest ‘no’.”

Sam crossed his arms across his chest, his stoic stance so reminiscent of Steve it’s amusing (as well as a beautiful disparity to the sequined crop top he’s sporting. Oof, those abs.). “How do I not know about this?”

“Because you’re not a former super spy?” The usually-Black-but-today-Rainbow Widow tosses the last of her confetti at Tony, who spins a jubilant Morgan into it. “Or because you and that leggy barista from the lobby coffee shop are too busy playing hide-the-“

“-Baby Shark!” Morgan suddenly shrieks, flailing towards a guy on roller blades wearing a fin and tail (and not much else).

“Yeah,” Nat finishes with a smirk, “Hide-the-Baby Shark.”

Sam flips her a gesture that makes Clint laugh and Bruce sigh.

You and Bucky have finally managed to pull yourselves together. “Oh my god, Steven Grant,” you gasp, wiping tears from your eyes. “That’s the funniest fucking shit I’ve ever fucking heard.”

“Language!”

Steve glares at Tony. “One. Time. It was one. Time.”

Bucky slings his flesh arm around Steve’s shoulders. “Oh, punk. You may have perfect vision now, but sometimes you’re still as blind as you were before.”

Visiortn himself nods sagely. “Humans can be quite unperceptive when it comes to matters of the heart.” Vision casts a fond smile at Wanda, who is using her powers to make Pietro’s tinsel wig fly on and off. “Sometimes you have to look harder to see what’s right in front of your nose.”

A confused frown on that handsome face, Captain Clueless looks at Bucky. “Why do I feel like everyone else knows something that I don’t?”

His bestie sighs deeply. “Because, Stevie, almost everyone else on this planet knows that my tastes tend towards tall, blonde, blue-eyed knuckleheads who have zero sense of self-preservation.”

“And an ass you could bounce a quarter off of,” Scott helpfully supplies.

“And that,” Bucky agrees.

Steve frowns.

You press your palms to your eyes in vexation. “You, Steve. He’s talking about you.” (Seriously, how has this idiot survived for over a century while being so dumb?)

Whatever he was expecting, it was certainly not that. “He-“ The Man With A Plan gapes as he turns to his oldest friend. “You-“

“Me,” Bucky says gently.

Even though you’re slightly surprised that Bucky is going to do this in such a public forum, you can’t help but be so proud of your friend. It has taken a long time for Bucky to believe he deserves to be happy. There are days he still sinks into that dark place, where his inner demons whisper that he should have fought harder against his Hydra captors, and that his past actions were still somehow his fault. Those are the days no amount of baking or Modern Marvels will bring him out of his funk. You, Steve, Sam, and Nat have all held those strong shoulders as they shook with sobs, overwhelmed by the shame and horror at what his hands had done without his consent.

But he’s here. He’s free. And he’s smiling nervously at his best friend.

“I-” Steve is short-circuiting. “Me?!”

“Stevie.” With the kind of tender patience that can only be born of a lifetime of keeping (or attempting to keep) an idiot such as one Steven Grant Rogers from flinging himself headlong into every fight he comes across, Bucky moves his flesh hand to the back of Steve’s neck. His face is full of such soft affection that you almost want to look away for fear of intruding on this suddenly intimate moment. “What do you think ‘til the end of the line’ means, you idiot? You’ve been it for me since I was thirteen-years-old.”

Blue eyes are locked with blue eyes as Steve processes this revelation. “I-” He shakes his head as if to declutter his thoughts. “This whole time?”

“Since the first time I saw that asshole knock you down, and your scrawny ass climbed right back up.” A wry chuckle escapes as Bucky reminices. “You were ninety pounds soaking wet, and you stood there, against a guy who was three times your size, and never waivered for a second. It was magnificent.”

“I don’t like bullies,” is Steve’s quiet response.

Bucky’s grin is adoring. “I know, sweetheart.” He gently strokes the back of Steve’s neck with his thumb. “You’ve always had a heart way bigger than your brain.”

Steve is still back on the first part of Bucky’s admission. “If you’ve felt- if you-” He’s practically pleading. “Why didn’t you say anything then?”

Bucky shrugs, attempting and failing nonchalance. “It was a different time, you know?” He’s uncharacteristically unsure of himself, the subtle waiver in his voice revealing the anxiety born of a lifetime of being forced to hide his truth. “I mean, you remember how it was; you didn’t talk about, no one talked about- about being- about people like...” He swallows thickly. “And I was so scared you didn’t, that you weren’t-” His voice breaks.

Even though you’ve all been emotionally invested in this love story for years, the entire team respectfully pretends not to listen as the former Winter Soldier quietly admits his deepest secret to his closest friend. It’s enraging as Bucky confesses yet another way he's been a victim of his circumstances, and denied his right to live freely without derision. Once more, you’re awed by his resilience.

“-it was a risk I couldn’t take,” Bucky finally gets out, that stubborn fire back in his eyes. “I couldn’t lose you, Steve. I couldn’t chance it. I could live with just being your friend and only your friend so long it meant you were in my life.”

Stunned silence meets the end of his confession. Steve’s face is impassive, those cerulean eyes uncharacteristically inscrutable.

You can all tell Bucky is heading steadily towards dread and heartbreak the longer Steve takes to respond. You and Sam exchange a look, both ready to intervene if Steve demonstrates any of the abhorrent attitudes that were so prevalent in the society of his youth. It would be completely out of character for him, but...

Finally, Steve speaks. “You’re telling me,” he says, his words slow and deliberate, “that you made me wait ninety-three years to tell me you’ve felt the same way about me as I have about you since the day you picked me up out of that alley?!”

The whole found family breaths a collective sigh of relief as Steve pulls Bucky even closer, broad chest to broad chest.

“Okay, to be fair, you were an ice cube for most of that time and I wasn’t exactly available for a relationship.” Bucky’s grin stands in contradiction to his mullish defense. “But yeah, that’s the gist of it.” There’s the Bucky you all know and love, biting his lip with those perfect white teeth. “Now, punk, I’d really like to kiss you now, but first I need you to say you want me to.”

“You-” Steve’s throat works as he attempts- and fails- to rein in his emotions. “You jerk.”

And then the Star Spangled Man seizes the president of the Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club by his ridiculously perfect face and crashes their mouths together.

At any Pride event, seeing two men kissing is, obviously, to be expected. But seeing The First Avenger and The White Wolf attempting to swallow each other’s tongues is not at all routine. As people realize what is happening, the crowd is whipped into a frenzy the likes of which is usually reserved for the aftermath of sporting events and elections that defeat fascists.

Watching the two men embrace, Scott sniffles loudly. “I’m gonna cry, I’m so happy.”

He’s certainly not the only one. Wanda has a watery smile as she wraps her arms around Vision and Pietro; Pepper, Tony, and Bruce are watching with fond parental energy; you and Sam sandwich Peter between the two of you, grins practically splitting your faces. Even Nat’s eyes look suspiciously shiny and she and Clint sling their arms around each other with platonic affection. And that’s not counting the several thousand people who are cheering for love being love being love being love.

When they finally break their embrace, the Centennial twins are startled to see they’ve collected quite an audience.

“Uh, so…” Suddenly bashful, Steve glances back to his- partner? Boyfriend? Soulmate? Is there a word that can accurately describe two people who have found each other time and again in a world that seems hell-bent on keeping them apart?- his ears practically maroon with embarrassment. For a guy with one of the most-recognized faces in the world, Steve is still incredibly and endearingly uncomfortable with attention. “Buck?”

Bucky seems just as stunned as Steve.

Thankfully, the masses demonstrate the usual support that’s the hallmark of Pride. “LOVE IS LOVE!” someone screams in the crowd. It’s quickly echoed, and chants fill the park.

The attention momentarily off them, the former Winter Soldier and his giant himbo of a soulmate look back at each other. You pretend not to watch through the happiest tears as they embrace again, bringing their foreheads together. The relief they share is palpable, as they’re finally able to show the world- and each other- the love they’ve each hidden for so long.

Bucky’s voice is so soft you have to strain to hear it. “You have no idea how much m’in love with you, Stevie.”

“Pretty sure I do,” Steve answers, bringing a hand up to carefully wipe the tears from Bucky’s face. “‘cause it’s as much as I love you, Buck.”

Bucky's answering grin can only be described as saucy. “Then kiss me again, like you mean it.”

And Steve, for once in his long life, does exactly as ordered.

---

A/N: “The Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club” is from Starry_Emerald173’s BRILLIANT The Avengers Wrangler over on AO3. If you haven’t read it yet, drop what you’re doing and do so immediately. Make sure you're not drinking any liquids, or your keyboard/phone may be in peril.

#writer wednesday #steve x bucky #stucky #steve rogers fic #pride #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #stucky fanfic #stucky fanfiction #love is love #happy pride #steve rogers x bucky barnes #platonic reader #my writing

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pokesaurio · 3 years

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I find it hard to believe that New Amsterdam has such little fanfiction. It’s a great show! So I decided to write something for the Leyren ship (which I would usually never do) to fix this! Hope you enjoy :)

Summary: How the Dam Fam finds out about Lauren’s new roommate.

Helen:

“So, naturally, you offered her to live with you” said Helen sarcastically, incredulous at Lauren’s out of character decision.

“Well, yes, she has become my friend after all, and I couldn’t let her alone in the streets”, replied Lauren matter-of-factly.

“Hmm. And how’s it going?” Helen rose an eyebrow suspiciously.

“It’s...” Lauren let out a small sigh, “It’s effortless, really. I feel like she’s always been there”. The “which scares me” was left unsaid.

Helen patiently waited until Lauren disclosed more, knowing her friend usually needed more time to open up.

“Well, except for the massive tree in the middle of the living room. Which I don’t dislike, but...”

“What?!” This got Helen’s attention. Since when was Bloom known to decorate her apartments, let alone let another person do so... with living things?!

“Well, she bought a tree, said it reminded her of home. But apparently it was smaller in the picture, so now I have a full-blown tree in my living room. And I think I like it” that last part she muttered softly.

Helen let out a small, genuine smile, amused but also proud of her friend. “That looks like progress. You haven’t yet snapped her head off for touching your space, so I’d say that’s a point for Lauren’s intimate relationships”.

“Pfft. It’s not very intimate if I still don’t know about her. I have tried to learn what she likes, but she still won’t really tell me about herself. It’s a little frustrating really” Lauren let out an adorable pout.

“Well, give her time. She is living in a stranger’s house after all, in a new country and with probably no other connections or friendships here. I can’t imagine she trusts people easily” said Helen patiently.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Mama Bear is at it again. Free advice for all!” Lauren laughed.

Helen snorted. “Well, it’s taken me nowhere with Mina. Still don’t know how this motherly figure thing works, sadly” she stated defeatedly.

“Oh, come on! You’re doing great! She’s slowly respecting her school timetable and your curfews more, right? And she hasn’t put a massive tree in your living room. That has to count for something” said Lauren, pointing her finger at Helen as she walked towards her ED. “You’ve got this!” and she gave Helen her best thumbs up and exaggerated smile.

Casey:

Lauren haphazardly threw her stuff into her backpack and went for the door, ready to call it a day and head back home.

“Lauren, you’re rushing out” Casey said suspiciously as he entered the locker room. “I assume this means you’re gonna continue smuggling your friend here? Cause if it does, you should know you are risking even more than before. If they catch you again...”

“No, Casey, it’s not like that” Lauren stated. “Don’t worry, she won’t be coming back here”.

“So that means... you let her go? Do you know where she is?” said Casey, now concerned about Leyla’s wellbeing.

“She’s actually... living with me?” said Lauren, the last part coming out in a rush and higher pitch.

“What?” asked Casey, wide-eyed. “Lauren, she- what?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t leave her on the streets, and I figured since I’m never home it couldn’t hurt to give her my spare room” justified Lauren to what seemed like Casey and herself.

“Okay, Lauren, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, you are risking a lot for this stranger. Please be careful” said Casey, though not unkindly. He was just worried about his friend.

“But that’s just it, Casey. She’s not a stranger, not anymore, and I would have done the same for any one of you. I protect my people” said Lauren, now sounding much more convinced.

“Well, if you’re happy with your decision, I can only congratulate you. You finally have a friend outside of work!” he added with a smile, teasing Lauren.

Lauren swatted his arm playfully. “I forgot, Mr Popular here knows most of New York. And I might have one friend, but it’s a hard one” she said, giving him the finger.

“Okay, okay!” Casey laughed, raising his arms defensively. “You win. But Lauren” he said softly “I am happy for you. Just wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing”.

“Thanks” said Lauren with a smile, squeezing his arm lightly as she left.

Lauren:

She did know what she was doing. Right. Right? It wasn’t like Leyla was a random stranger, not anymore, and she liked her enough that living together had been smooth sailing so far. So why did she find herself overthinking everything when it came to Leyla?

“Get your shit together, Lauren” she chanted to herself. She was driving home, her palms sweating slightly, but still excited to get there. She had been rushing out a lot lately. The memory of Leyla’s soft smile as she held her hand, fingers interlocking and fitting perfectly as they stared at the tree and Lauren’s want, need to be close, oh so close, a compass searching North. She couldn’t wait to get home to Leyla’s sarcasm, Leyla’s dinners, Leyla’s subtle presence in her apartment and life that made it theirs.

Without noticing, Lauren had been smiling like an idiot for at least half an hour, and she had arrived to her portal. She got out of the car and went for the stairs, taking twice at a time. But as she opened the door, a wave of disappointment washed over her. Leyla wasn’t home, had probably had to take a DriverTime client, and suddenly the apartment felt empty and cold again. Lauren couldn’t understand how she had lived like this for so long before.

But then a thought sprung to mind. Leyla had waited for her every day for the past week, staying up and meeting her with a fabulous home-cooked dinner after work. The least she could do was reciprocate, so Lauren got ready to prepare a mindblowing meal or die trying. Cooking had never been her strong suit, but she figured it couldn’t be too hard.

She remembered Leyla mentioning she deeply missed Pakistani cuisine, and how she had been disgusted by Lauren suggesting she try a Pakistani restaurant around the corner. “You Americans think you can serve a random dish and rebrand an entire culture. That place is not Pakistani”, she had stated. So Lauren had asked, and she had learned, how Nihari reminded her of late night dinners at home and Lassi was her all-time favourite beverage. And so she had a single thought in mind; today she was making the best Pakistani dinner for Leyla.

As she set out to spice the assortion of different meets, she re-entered her previous reverie. She knew Leyla would love this, even if Lauren was probably going to ruin the recipe and tarnish the Pakistani name. But Leyla would smile sweetly, as she did every time Lauren remembered a small detail about her and did her best to make her feel like home, and she would be grateful. Lauren could not wait until she came back, excited to see that look on her face that said “no one’s ever cared for me like this, and I’m glad you’re the first one”.

Slow-cooking the meat into a stew proved difficult, and mixing the yoghurt, water, spices and fruit for the Lassi had Lauren seriously questioning her cooking skills. But all in all, after about an hour she decided she had done a pretty good job. She set out to dress the table, going as far as opening a good red wine and placing a candle. She didn’t want to overdo it, but thought Leyla would decidedly not mind and find her efforts cute. Lauren was struck by the inclusion of “cute” into her vocabulary, could not remember when she had cared about someone’s reaction this much, and decided damn Leyla and her faint smiles had softened her. She couldn’t bring herself to care, though.

And just like clockwork, as soon as Lauren set the last plate with the fine-looking Nihari on the table, Leyla entered the apartment.

“Honey, I’m home!” she shouted jokingly in her beautiful accent.

“Hey! How was work? Any frat boys I should beat up?” said Lauren smiling.

“No frat boys, thankfully. Just an old lady telling me about her grandson. I must have seen like 30 photos of him, and let me tell you, no one can convince me babies are cute. They’re bald!” Leyla proclaimed, dignified.

Lauren snorted. “Of course you would befriend a grandma and have her show you her family. It must be your cranky charm” replied Lauren teasingly.

“You would be surprised. I cause sensation amongst octogenarians” said Leyla amusedly. As she caught the smell of cooked meat, she looked at Lauren, surprised. “You cooked? You? Is MY tree burnt down?” she joked.

“I’ll let you know, OUR tree is intact and very much still alive. And don’t you dare take away my custody, I love him like my own son too!” said Lauren in mock dignification. “I did cook, and I hope you like it” she continued, now softly. She met Leyla’s eye, hope and wonder sparkling bilaterally.

Leyla approached the table, repressing a squeel of excitement at the site of her favourite foods. “Lauren! You shouldn’t have! How did you even-?” and as she turned around to look at Lauren, the intensity in her eyes stunned her. The amount of care and adoration was palpable there, and it was enough to overwhelm her.

“Thank you”, she said in a small voice.

“I thought you deserved something special. You know, for cooking horrible meals every day” Leyla approached her slowly, still with eyes locked in an intense duel. “You would think as a doctor my main threat of illness would come from my patients, but you make a hard run for it” another step closer. “And besides, knowing my cooking skills it’s probably very bad. So we’re even” she continued rambling. Leyla finally took the final step towards Lauren, cupping her cheek and forcing her to shut up.

“You talk too much”, she said, resting on her tiptoes slightly to reach for her cheek and place a soft kiss there. “Thank you, truly”.

Lauren stood there, transfixed and unable to utter words. “Y-Yeah. It’s... nothing, really” she managed to muster.

Leyla tried to fight off a smile at Lauren’s awkwardness. During the course of her stay at Lauren’s- their- apatment, she had been quick to discover that she could turn Lauren, the hard-assed doctor and witty friend, into a rambling mess with well placed silences and touches. And naturally, she had immediately taken a liking to doing so as often as possible.

She turned around and sat at the table, staring down at her food and trying not to show her satisfaction at the amount of time it took Lauren to recompose herself and sit with her. She let Lauren pour some wine for herself, seeing as she didn’t look too enthused with the Lassi, and tried the Nihari. And, oh god, it certainly wasn’t like the one she enjoyed back home, but Lauren had undoubtedly achieved something here. Leyla couldn’t stop a moan from escaping her lips.

Lauren sat across from her, lips parted, staring at her like she was the only thing in the world. Her eyes slowly trailed to her lips, and Leyla thought she might burst if she didn’t break the moment soon. “Lauren, it’s- it’s perfect” said Leyla, and she meant it. It might not be like the one back home, but Lauren had managed to capture a new flavour, to redefine the very meaning home. She could get used to this.

Lauren looked back up at her, smile back in place. “Really? That’s new” she said, satisfied and proud of her achievement.

As they ate in silence, Lauren realised two things. One, she was definitely falling in love with Leyla Shinwari. And two, while Leyla had been her roommate for a few weeks already, it was only now that she felt like they were actually _living_ together... building a home.

Iggy:

“Hey, Iggs! I haven’t caught up with you in a while! How’s everything going?” asked Lauren as she entered Iggy’s office, taking the sofa and sprawling out on it.

Iggy stopped flicking through his charts, immediately knowing something was up. He could tell Lauren was properly glowing, but knew he would have to let this play out if he wanted to get any information out of his friend.

“Lauren! It’s great to see you. I’ve been great. I went to see a nutritionist, and I’ve been trying to join some virtual support groups for people with eating disorders. I still have a long road ahead of me, and I have to put in the work, but thanks for calling me out on my bullshit. Truly” he said sincerely.

Lauren perked up even more, rising to her feet and reaching around Iggy’s desk to hug him. “Iggy! That’s great! I’m so glad to hear it, and I’m so proud of you. And hey, you called me out on my bullshit when I was using, so it was only fair I did the same” she smiled.

Iggy returned her smile, glad to see that both of them were making amends and working to improve their lives.

He rose up to start walking to his next consult, not wanting this conversation to end but really needing to get there on time. After Lauren followed him along, curiosity finally got the best of him. “Okay, I have to ask... What’s gotten into you? You look like you just got to perform one of your supper cool surgeries or something. Anything new?” he asked.

“Well, I’m doing well” she said as they strolled down New Amsterdam’s corridors. Iggy waited patiently, letting Lauren open up at her own speed. “And... and I got a roommate!”

Iggy frowned, perplexed. He knew Lauren, knew how much she valued her space and how closed-off she could be, so he couldn’t fathom why getting a roommate would be something she’d want to do, let alone be the cause of her exuberant joy. “Wha... How?” he asked.

“Well, it’s a long story, really. She came in with a patient, and kind of guessed what was wrong with her, but it turned out it wasn’t a guess, cause she’s really a doctor, but obviously I didn’t know that” she started rambling, with Iggy finding it hard to follow along.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down” he said, though he was glad to see Lauren so excited about something.

“Yeah, sorry. Basically, she pulled off a successful needle decompression in my ED, which I now admit was pretty cool, I called security, she had no place to stay, used the hospital closet for a while... And now she’s living with me” finished Lauren, looking way too satisfied by her explanation.

“She... You... What?!” asked Iggy, dumbfounded.

“Yeah... She’s kind of a lot. In the good way” said Lauren, and it was clear to Iggy by now that she was positively smitten. At this new information, he changed tactics.

“Wow, Lauren, that’s a huge step! I’m happy for you, and so proud. I’d love to meet her sometime” he said.

“Yeah! That’d be great! I’m sure you’d love her, once you get past her cranky façade. You two would totally get along” replied Lauren excitedly.

Iggy knew how possessive Lauren was of her space, knew how much it meant for her to have friends meet even if she may not do it consciously. The fact that she was agreeing to let him meet her meant he was right; Lauren was smitten beyond recognition.

“Great! And what’s it like, living with this...” he trailed off, hoping to get a name out of Lauren for once.

“Leyla! It’s great. Yesterday I cooked her some Pakistani dinner, cause she missed it from back home, and then we watched a comedy and watered our big-ass tree. Don’t ask. It’s like she’s lived with me all along” she finished bashfully.

And Iggy had to assume Lauren knew how this sounded, how many lesbian stereotypes she was ticking off. So he replied, amusedly, “Tell me, Lauren, does this Leyla know you two are dating?” he said, a mischiveous twinkle in his eye.

Lauren stopped abruptly in the corridor, a horrified look on her face. Iggy repressed a laugh, was thrilled by Lauren’s new baby-gay side. He turned around to look at her, saw her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish as she searched for a reply, but continued walking backwards. “Wait... do you?” he asked, now enjoying Lauren’s alarmed look. He turned around a corner, leaving a dumbfounded Lauren behind, and shouted, “Good luck!”

#leyren #lauren bloom #leyla shinwari #lauren x leyla #manifesting bi bloom #five stars #bloomwari

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relax-and-read-on · 2 years

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Local DID system here and I love your ideas on Konrad/NH’s mental state and thought process especially about relationships— you portray it in a way I don’t think is ableist or based in stereotypes, it’s really good !

Awww, thanks?? I write fanfic a lot, and as much as I love wh40k, very few official writers just... Get into the meat of what make a character act the way they do, especially the primarch. They are described as so human and that's what make them *interesting*, I hate the whole "demi-god above humans" things they have.

Here, as a treat, a few of my random other Konrad headcanons:

-He has a sweet tooth. His planet and culture is very much based influenced by russian/slavic themes, and have you SEEN russian dessert?!? Plus, since he grew up insanely poor, he almost never had access to sweets. He love them.

-Actually biological twin of Corvus Corax. They were separated at birth. They both feel the pull, but Corvus fucking HATE that Konrad is his twin and will loudly deny it to anyone asking. Konrad flipflop in his feeling about it.

-Like Mortarion! They definitely are the type to quietly hang together without talking, each in their corner, and declare it succesfull socialisation.

-If he had to have any hobby, it would be reading. I can definitely see baby Konrad finding old muddy paperback in the trash and reading it carefully. Nostramo was noted to have an especially flowy language, so I can see their literature being somewhat similar to 19th century french or russian.

-Never sit properly. Ever. He's the kind of bastard that will sit on the table or the desk instead of the chair.

-Very nimble and light weight, he's not a fan of his power armor. Too bulky.

-Probably the smallest, frame wise, on the primarch. He look super thin and sickly all the time. Don't let this fool you, he's definitely the fastest.

-If he EVER had a crush in his life, it was on Vulkan. Of course, said crush was dealt with with extreme prejudice, aka murdering tf outta him.

-He like his sons. Really. As people he think they are great. He just deeply resent the fact that he was forced to be a "father" and to continue to painful cycle of abuse and death he feel trapped in. Also he realise that he's shit at being a dad, and hate that they kinda force him in this situation.

-Sevatar. Sevatar is fucking great, because for all his daddy's joke, he actually treat him mostly like an equal. Also, he's funny. And understand the most what konrad is about.

-Has sever issues with things like bathing/hygiene, all trauma related. He's not trying to be a stinky gremlin, it just happen.

-If calm, clean and comfortable, he's *very* pretty. Like, drop dead gorgeous, delicate fay creature level of beautiful. He could easily compete with Fulgrim and Sanguinius, but well... He like being covered in gore splatter too much.

-Speaking off! Gore. Gore, and dead things, are a safety blanket for him. People don't approach him, and cannot hurt him, if he's covered in gore. It legit calm him down.

.... Ok this is a lot, imma leave this here because, well, it's a lot xD

#warhammer 40k #warhammer #wh40k #konrad curze #my baby son #hes terrible i dont care i love him #he deserve all the nice things #he just needed ANYONE to care for him at ANY point

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kingk8art · 3 years

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hetalia rant

pls ignore how I won't use any proper punctuation or capitalization because my arms and fingers all hurt from volleyball :( Edit: My arm’s are better now so I’m actually using proper capitalization and punctuation (special thanks to my friends for proofreading and also Google autocorrect.) Special thanks to my friend for helping me out with writing this.

so i'm one of those people who joined the hetalia fandom like REALLY late, having first watched the anime in like 2017 or 18. Nevertheless, when I heard about how the anime was coming back in 2021 I was really excited!! I’ve been reading world stars lately but there’s just something in the hetalia anime that made me love it so much. the voice acting and how it’s animated and everything, it really brings the characters to life! out of curiosity I searched up hetalia on twitter. keep in mind that i’m pretty new to the fandom so i never really got to see the shipping wars, or really any toxic part of the fandom, since i wasn’t there when hetalia was at its peak.

What i saw was really different from what i expected to see. I kinda expected twitter threads hyping up the new season, or things like that but most of ones I found in the top section were hate comments about hetalia, and things about why it shouldn’t come back. I was reading these and I was like, wait why? Some of them actually made sense, and the others had flawed logic. Here are my rants on why hetalia ISN’T anti-Semitic or problematic (as of now).

Misconceptions About Hetalia

1. Hetalia is About Nazi Germany or the Holocaust

If you’ve actually watched the show/read the manga, it’s quite obvious that although some of the events take place during WW2, it never mentions Hitler, Nazis, the Holocaust, or anything like that. and there’s a good reason for it. In the first place, hetalia isn’t meant to be a serious comic. The manga only focuses on subjects like funny things that happened to historical figures/occurrences during a war, weird inventions; generally those kinds of things. It focuses on the cultural differences between countries, or wholesome moments in history (such as when two enemies stopped fighting on Christmas day to play soccer.) Hetalia itself is antiwar. Consider the main character himself: he absolutely hates fighting. I don’t see how hetalia can be anti-Semitic or pro-war at all. But what I will say is fucked up are those certain cosplayers that did the Nazi salute, posed in front of a Holocaust memorial, etc. But I can still guarantee that the MAJORITY of the fandom is not like this. Every single fandom has its bad apples, some more than others. It’s not right to generalize the entire fandom as anti-Semitic, racist, disrespectful shits.

Do people realize that Germany’s character in Hetalia isn’t Nazi Germany? In the first place the Holocaust wouldn’t be Germany’s responsibility — the depictions of these characters are meant to portray the people as a whole, not their systems of law or government. It’s stated in the series that nations MUST obey orders from their “boss” (which probably refers to the country’s ruler, president, prime minister, or other leaders at the time. Nations can’t choose what their superiors do, or what those under that control do. Saying Germany is humanized Nazi Germany is like putting that label on all German people without considering factors like time period or representation. Hetalia characters are a mere representation of each country’s people, nothing else.

How does mentioning WW2 in a comedy make it offensive? There are PLENTY of movies, novels, and other kinds of media that take place in WW2 and yet are in the comedy genre. Ever watched Jojo Rabbit? If you thought Hetalia was offensive, have you ever watched South Park or looked at CountryHumans? I do get why some people dislike Hetalia, but why does it receive so much hate for something that was never in the series (or generally speaking, for the wrong reasons)? It may have flaws, but there’s a strong definition to what those flaws actually are. It doesn’t revolve around antisemitism or Nazism.

2. Hetalia is Racist and Stereotypes People

Now this is a pretty controversial topic. Being a comedy about personified countries, stereotypes are really something that HAS to be used at some point to make the characters funny. But does that automatically make it racist? No. I saw this on a YouTube video comment section somewhere, but stereotyping (generalizing) that all stereotypes are ‘bad’ (or have negative connotations/associations) is literally stereotyping. Not all of the stereotypes are bad. Like the way Britain acts like a gentleman or likes drinking tea, which in a way, is a British stereotype. That’s not a bad thing, just funny to see in the show — played for comedy purposes, and not necessarily offensive.

Although Hetalia characters are sometimes influenced by stereotypes that revolve around the actual countries and represent the people in general, they DO NOT always represent what those country’s people are actually like. Also, I’m pretty sure the point of comedy about personified countries is to use some of those generalizations. Specifically, stereotypes that the Japanese have about foreigners. France is portrayed as a flirty man because in Japan France is known for being a “romantic country.” But that doesn’t mean that they think all French people are like that — it’s just a lighthearted joke. And now, Hetalia characters have grown to be more of their own character rather than simply a humanized country at its base. Despite being a personification, they’re like their own person, not just used to depict stereotypes. Just because a character has a certain personality trait doesn’t mean Hima believes that everyone from that country has the same trait. It’s not meant to be racist, and isn’t.

What I Think Was/Is Problematic

As much as I love this show, there were DEFINITELY some problematic things that people tend to ignore.

1. Korea Controversy

As a Korean American, I have to say that I was quite disappointed when I learned about how Hima portrayed Korea in the manga. I won’t go that deep into this one since it’s not that relevant to what I'm talking about now, but it was definitely a HUGE problem and I’m glad that he was removed from the series.

2. Iron Cross on Germany

The iron cross that Germany wears in Hetalia (in every time period) is a military decoration that was used since the King of Prussia until the time period of Nazi Germany in WW2. Today, it’s considered a hate symbol, similar to and alongside the swastika. To be fair, it wasn’t just a decoration used purely for the Nazis, unlike several other examples of Nazi symbols and memorabilia, so I suppose it could be up to each person to judge whether it should pass or not, despite the surrounding circumstances — it isn’t up to me as part of the fanbase. But personally, I think it should have been removed/not used in the first place. I mean, it wasn’t that necessary, seeing all of the military uniforms drawn in Hetalia were simplified anyways. Perhaps it would be much less problematic if Hima didn’t draw the iron cross, and the same goes for the other presented issues.

3. Japanese Imperialism

The way Hima portrays Japanese Imperialism was pretty offensive in my opinion. An instance is the presentation of the Japanese invasion of Korea. It wasn’t just like how the colonies were under Great Britain’s rule. It limited much more of Koreans’ rights and was much more gruesome. I don’t know about anyone else and can’t speak for each individual, but as a Korean, portraying all of this as Japan merely patting Korea on the head is fucked up. This ties to the controversy of Korea’s character. From what I’ve seen, Hetalia is pretty close to a rightist (in Japan, not the US) series. I won’t dive too deep into that, but rightist — or in Korean, 우익 — animes are animes that glorify their country’s past/country, or use content to make fun of or criticize other nations. Actually, it’s probably much more complicated than that, but as of now I don’t know much about it. It mostly ties to the tension between Koreans and the Japanese, so if you’re not either, there’s not really much to worry about. But (maybe because I’m Korean) I found it weird that the manga seems to give every single character a bad/negative characteristic except Japan. I guess it’s only natural, since the creator is Japanese. But then again, France was basically drawn as a rapist/pedophile, but I have never seen a French person complain about it. Or maybe they just completely avoid Hetalia? If anyone knows about it, I would be glad to listen. Perhaps it’s just a bias that I have as a Korean. It could also be a cultural difference too, since we tend to be very patriotic.

4. The Title: Axis Powers

Although the main character is Italy, and the story revolved (emphasis on the past tense) around the 3 countries that were part of the Axis, Hima should have been more considerate with the title of the show, thinking about what the Axis Powers actually did during WW2. Just “Hetalia” would have been fine. But it also should be considered that when Hima started drawing the manga, he did not expect it to become a long-term thing or for it to blow up so much. Thankfully, only the first two seasons of the anime were titled as Hetalia: Axis Powers, and later seasons were titled more acceptable things, like World Stars (manga) or The Beautiful World.

5. Seychelles

Personally I don’t find a problem with there not being that many African/South American countries in the show. Africa’s country borders (and all of that related material) were very different from what they are today, and it would be really fucking hard for Hima to keep track of all of those while still writing good characters. And unlike Europe, Africa’s history was not transcribed much, and is a lot less-known. The problem with Seychelles was her skin color, which wasn’t accurate. But that’s since been fixed.

Is Hetalia Really Problematic?

My most straightforward answer for this question would be no, it is not problematic as of now. Something I realized while listing all of the aspects of Hetalia that I personally thought were wrong to put in was that most of them don’t exist anymore. Besides Germany’s iron cross, all of them were removed from the show. Korea was banned from the anime, and he no longer appears in any of the manga strips. The manga strays further and further away from topics like Japanese Imperialism or WW2. Most of the time in the manga, countries do not wear their military uniforms anymore, but stick to more casual clothes. The characters stray further away from stereotypes that Hima used to use as a comedic effect when he first started drawing. My point is: Hima learned his mistakes. Which only makes sense, considering all of the criticism he probably received when the series first started. I think that’s a good thing. Now back to what I was ranting about earlier. I don’t get why people are saying Hetalia shouldn’t come back! The new season is most likely going to be based off the most recent Hetalia manga series, which is Hetalia World Stars. If you’ve ACTUALLY READ THE MANGA AND DIDN’T JUDGE THE ENTIRETY OF HETALIA BASED ON ITS FIRST FEW SEASONS, you would know what World Stars is about. It’s about all sorts of things. My personal favorite strips are the ones about ancient Rome! It’s not just drawn to give readers a laugh but it actually teaches you some history. Other than Rome, the manga is also about the trends of clothes in certain countries/time periods, industrial revolutions, or just the interactions between the characters in general. I really don’t see how animating these would be harmful at all. The subjects don’t revolve around what a lot of opposers say/negatively connotate the series with. If you think bringing Hetalia back is a terrible thing to do because the fandom would return and start doing toxic/weird things, I really don’t know how to respond to that. The fandom already died out around the time the last season was released. Now newer fans will come around, and the former fans would return (hopefully) matured up. It's already been 5 years since the last Hetalia season aired, after all. And like I said earlier, toxic fans never represent the entire fandom. If you really hate the fandom that much, I recommend not getting involved at all.

#hetalia #rant #hetalia 2021

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