#i think i could say the same of jesper. that the love colm has for jesper and aditi and the way he bonds with his son towards the end

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about Jesper Fahey and religion.

Whilst we know that Matthias follows Djel, Inej follows the Saints, Nina was raised with the Saints but is atheist because of her understanding about Grisha, and that Kaz and Wylan adopted atheism based on their childhood experiences, we don’t get a lot of information about how Jesper feels about religion. We know he was raised with the Saints and that when he swears he says “Saints”, as does Nina, where Wylan says “Ghezen”. It’s notable to me that Matthias and Inej either rarely or never invoke a name in vain; I think Inej may say “Saints” in that context the odd time I can’t remember, but I’d argue in that case it’s probably because she isn’t specifically naming them to do so whereas Matthias would have to but I’m working off memory there so please feel free to correct me. But Jesper’s actual relationship with the Saints is arguably quite ambiguous, with no particular passages that point us in either direction. (Show!Jesper is highly implied to be atheistic in season 1 when Inej asks him what he thinks about Alina and he says he doesn’t care whether she’s real or not so long as they get paid, but there isn’t really anything like this in the books to my recollection) I think that might be because he has a far more complex and painful relationship with religion than we see on the surface level, and this has particular links to Nina’s belief that the Saints were possibly real people but were simply powerful Grisha not religious saviours/martyrs.

When Jesper was a child, his father would read him bedtime stories “from his Kaelish book of Saints”. At the same time, Colm was unintentionally damaging Jesper’s view of Grisha power and of himself by forcing him to hide it and telling him “that’s what killed your mother. That’s what took her away from us”. Alongside the self-hatred this cultivates in Jesper, seen mostly in Crooked Kingdom since he’s most open about it in the beautiful, heartbreaking chapter 24, I think it may have also impacted his relationship with religion. To be told as a child that these people are worshipped and valued for the things they could do, the same kind of things he saw his mother do and that he could be capable of, but that his power is a curse and a shameful secret that has to be hidden from the world is so damaging. It effectively raises the question: If it’s different for me than it is for them, what’s wrong with me? Why am I less worthy of love?

When Jesper already had these feelings growing inside him, feelings that went on to massively impact all the relationships in his life (most notably his relationships with Kaz and Wylan but I would also argue his relationship with Inej is affected by this as well) and actively endanger him when he began to try and fill the void he felt with gambling, to emphasise these emotions with something that could have been so beautiful and given him so much comfort by turning it into something that can be used against him by labelling him as less than others is so heartbreaking and honestly painful.

Obviously this is just an interpretation or a theory but this is how I feel about it when I reread, if anyone else has thought about this please feel free to add anything or contradict it with your own interpretation I’d love to read it.

#grishaverse #six of crows #crooked kingdom #leigh bardugo #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #nina zenik #matthias helvar #Wesper #jesper my beloved #soc jesper #jesper #six of crows jesper #jesper and inej #jesper and wylan #jesper x wylan

[stromuprisahat]

What the actual FUCK?! (no. 1)

So apparently the show decided to paint Novyi Zem as Grisha-loving idyll.

Alina: “You're a Durast?“

Zemeni librarian: “Oh. Zemeni do not use such narrow terms. We are all "zowa". Blessed.“

Alina: “Oh, that's, um... That's lovely.“

Zemeni librarian: “Being Grisha is a wonderful thing. A beautiful thing. But we are lucky to be safe here in Novyi Zem. I feel for the Ravkan Grisha. May their Saints watch over them.“

SAFE IN NOVYI ZEM?! Is that why Jesper had to hide being Grisha?!

When he was a little boy, lying in his father’s fields, he’d discovered he could leach the color out of a jurda blossom petal by petal. One boring afternoon, he’d bleached a swear word into the western pasture in capital letters. His father had been furious, but he’d been scared too. He’d yelled himself hoarse chastising Jesper, and then Colm had just sat there, staring at him, big hands clasped around a mug of tea to keep them from shaking. At first, Jesper thought it was the swear his father was mad about, but that wasn’t it at all.

“Jes,” he’d said at last. “You must never do that again. Promise me. Your ma had the same gift. It can bring you only misery.”

...

There were secret lessons too. Sometimes, when they got home late, and she needed to get supper on, she’d boil the water without ever heating the stove, make bread rise just by looking at it. He’d seen her pull stains from clothes with a brush of her fingers, and she made her own gunpowder, extracting the saltpeter from a long-dry lake bed near where they lived. “Why pay for something I can make better myself?” she asked. “But we don’t mention this to Da, hmm?” When Jesper asked why, she’d just say, “Because he has enough to worry about, and I don’t like it when he worries about me.” But Da did worry, especially when one of his mother’s Zemeni friends came to the door looking for help or healing.

“You think the slavers can’t reach you here?” he’d asked one night, pacing back and forth in their cabin as Jesper huddled in his blankets, pretending to sleep so that he could listen. “If word gets out there’s a Grisha living here—”

Crooked Kingdom Chapter 16

... safe in Novyi Zem? Well yes, unless you’re kidnapped by Kerch slavers and sold to *checks notes* Fjerdan witchhunters, Shu experimenters or just other Kerch to use you however they please...

Most rogue Grisha ended up in Novyi Zem. Aside from Ravka, it was the only place where they didn’t have to fear being experimented on by Shu doctors or burned by Fjerdan witchhunters. Even so, they had to be cautious about displaying their power. Grisha were valued slaves, and less scrupulous Kerch traders were known to round them up and sell them in secret auctions.

These were the very threats that had led so many Grisha to take refuge in Ravka and join the Second Army in the first place. But the rogues thought differently. For them, a life spent looking over their shoulders and moving from one place to the next to avoid discovery was preferable to a life in service to the Darkling and the Ravkan King. It was a choice I understood.

Siege and Storm Chapter 7

#Shadow and Bone #02×01: No Shelter But Me #Grisha #Novyi Zem #Alina Starkov #grishanalyticritical #Crooked Kingdom #CK Chapter 16 #Siege and Storm #S&S Chapter 7 #anti Grisha sentiments #anti S&B writers #books #quotes #Leigh Bardugo #V

[nabrizoya]

The relationship Inej shares with her parents is so, so important to me. Not many YA books talk of the beauty of acceptance and support from a family and celebrates that love, which Inej’s parents do, for each other and their children. That’s just one reason though; found family is just as celebratory. 

More than that, Inej as a Suli girl, who is brown and an acrobat, severs many lines of linear and stereotypical thinking. Often brown cultures, with regard to parenting across continents, are thought of as very narrow or close minded, toxic, abusive, neglectful, overbearing etc. and the blame is so heavily put on the fact that these families are brown. People from these families are not held responsible; their brownness is held responsible. The cultures are used to justify that, as if such trauma were a commonplace experience in these families. If people of other cultures themselves can so plainly mention it and say parenting is just like that if people hail from these communities, imagine how much this line of thought is ingrained into children from within these cultures.

Walking into the book, I was half expecting the painful, far from her family or consistent disagreements that Inej might have seen or been subjected to. This comes in addition to the fact that YA books often loosely mention families, rarely address the impact they have on children. 

So the enormous joy of seeing such a healthy relationship between Inej’s parents, of such understanding and warmth between the morals, values and wisdom Inej holds with significance and the sort of respect she has for her parents is so deeply important to me. Not just because it breaks the aforementioned perspective, but also because it reinforces a positive influence and importance that families can have on characters. Something that YA books tend to not explore enough. It also implores you to think about healthy, established relationships and how else you could view them, no matter how minimal information canon provides about that.

#inej ghafa #six of crows #grishaverse #like. im not saying found family isn't a thing #but families you have grown up/ growing up with have such a great impact on characters as it is on real people #fcgvhbjnkml idk if i put the point across properly but yea. this is smth that has been on my mind since SO fucking long #i think i could say the same of jesper. that the love colm has for jesper and aditi and the way he bonds with his son towards the end #is beautiful. but as for the sort of detail and agency i can go into is not for me to decide #idk im just slightly happy with how the parents and children relationship of mcs in soc is to some extent #the affection marya hendricks has for wylan and wylan's heartbreak at his mother's state #colm's concern and watchfulness as a father and his maturity #and ofc inej's parents #the fact that inej reunites with her parents just fills me with so much joy im not even joking #this got SO out of hand and im not sure i make much sense but if it can be articulated better #tw abuse #tw neglect #tw parent mention #cw parent mention

[algumaideia]

I finish Crooked Kigdom, so more stuff I thought.

Colm Fahey is an icon. He is my favorite secondary character, I loved all of his scenes. When Kaz called him sir/mister(Idk what was written in English), when he acted like a father and was Jesper come here in 10 seconds and made Jesper and Kaz look guilty, when he approved Wylan relationship with Jesper?? I just loved him so much.

Which brings me to my next point, why we didn’t got a scene with Inej’s parents? (Acording to her wiki they don’t even have a name) Seeing Kaz interact with them would have been gold.

Matthias death just goes worse and worse the more I think about it. It was unnecessary, poorly written, destroyed the pacing of the book, ilogical, and just so terrible. He deserved better, way better.

I wish the book explored more the asylum thing because way back it was thing to throw intelectual disabled and mentally ill people in those places where they would recieve treatment be tortured, so Wylan actually had a lot of chances to end up there. (I think they also would put poor people there, but I’m not sure). Basically everyone died there, sometimes multiple people were buried at the same place. It was truly horrible, and it didn’t have that much to do with the story but Leigh decieded to put it there so I just think she could have explored it more.

We don’t know basically anything about zemeni culture and this is horrible. Two books with a zemeni character as one of the main character and we don’t know the religion of his country, traditional customs, culture, nothing.

I don’t know why people hate Kuwei so much, this guy has barely a presence in the book. I don’t like and I don’t dislike him, he is just there.

The bathroom scene was amazing.

I am really happy to have more about Inej trauma.

It was nice to know more about Jesper past.

Personally Inej going after Pekka Rollins felt really ooc.

This book needed more Wesper kisses.

It was really nice to see Jesper stand up for himself. In the first book he just forgave, paid attention in another thing whenever Kaz was mean or hurt him, so I was really really happy to see him confront him. Jesper didn’t deserve this treatment and I’m glad he saw that.

Kaz saying he misses Jesper.

Kaz talking a little about Jordie with Jesper.

Wylan talking about how no one ever asked him to do things he couldn’t.

That is it for now.

Best regards,

Me.

Ps. Idk why but besides Wesper I like more the friendships than the romantic relationships in this book.

#six of crows #soc #crooked kingdom #jesper fahey #colm fahey #kaz brekker #wylan van eck #wesper #inej ghafa #kanej #matthias helvar #nina zenik #colm fahey is amazing #like one of the best written fathers in books

[scl-ana]

six of crows but arcane universe

( spoilers for arcane, six of crows, crooked kingdom )

( i’m not a lol fan so this could be entirely wrong in many ways, but it is mainly based off of the show so )

wylan van eck hendriks

topsider definitely

van ecks probably a councilor too, like the whole the merchant council is

like imagine his backstory but like he crosses the bridge to the undercity to escape the guys trying to kill him

him with the jinx goggles with the little slits

basically caitlyn tbh, he and jesper would have the same dynamic vi and caitlyn has. the "you're hot cupcake" but "you're hot merchling"

he's got that satchel thingy that ekko has, the tube looking one that held the stone.

he'd probably make the cute little grenades jinx makes with the faces scribbled on.

jesper fahey

undercity

i see him with those pistols that jinx has, and he does all the tricks with em too.

definitely flirts with wylan the same way vi flirts with caitlyn, the name calling and everything. 

stays with the firelights, he just enjoys being around a tree because he grew up in the country ( im not actually sure if theres a ‘country’ in arcane but yes ). don’t think he’s part of the gang though.

colm’s probably not staying with him, still in the country or smth.

he was probably sent to a nice school in piltover and found himself gambling in the undercity.

nina zenik

topsider (?)

i was sorta thinking that like she was from piltover and she went to the undercity when she tries to break matthias out of stillwater ( hellgate )

she works at the brothel in the undercity, the one from the “you’re hot cupcake scene.” 

took parem ( shimmer ) to save everyone like at the end of six of crows. its probably liquid like shimmer and not powder. glowing neon and stuff. 

or maybe something like when jinx was injured and parem was used to save her. 

im still trying to figure out how arcane magic works in the universe, but if it can be given as normally as grisha powers, she and jesper would still be a heartrender and fabrikator without hextech or anything.

matthias helvar

not from piltover or zaun, probably an outside country like the one medarda’s from

i can see him in that coat with the fur that medarda’s mom wears.

probably came over with the druskelle through the hexgates or smth, got to know nina and fell in love. same story from the show/pre six of crows.

starts out in stillwater until he was broken out by kaz and co.

i’d say he got piercings and tatoos in stillwater like vi, but knowing matthias he’d think its repulsive and not get anything.

he was definitely be freaked out by the undercity when the crows free him from stillwater.

kaz brekker

bastard of the undercity

think silco but like 30 years younger, and he isn't the one making the shimmer/parem

has a club like the last drop, lives in the top floors.

yknow the way that jinx hallucinates mylo and claggor?? he does that with jordie

he probably has that leg brace thing that viktor has. and that lockpick mylo has.

imagine the sheer power he could hold if he added hextech to his cane.

honestly id love to see him have flashbacks abt jordie the way jinx has flashbacks abt vi that’d be so cool.

broke his leg trying to steal from a piltover house and fell from the roof, earned him his first stay in stillwater.

inej ghafa

undercity

if kaz is silco, inej is basically sevikah and jinx. loyal to the end, basically does all his dirty work.

i wouldn’t know how to incorporate hextech into like, her knives. sorta doesn’t make sense. unless its something like sevika’s sword i guess?? but that kinda isnt too stealthy.

she’d look so good in the sevika get up, like with the cape and the eyeshadow and stuff.

i like imagining her having like a braid as long as jinx’, with the little cuffs and acessories too. 

used to work at the same brothel as nina before kaz bought her for the crows as his spider.

( perhaps i’ll draw my designs of this universe?? i have sketches but nothing full. we shall see )

#six of crows #crooked kingdom #arcane #wylan van eck #wylan hendriks #jesper fahey #jesper llewellyn fahey #kaz brekker #kaz rietveld #inej ghafa #matthias helvar #nina zenik #wesper #helnik #id say kanej but its not explicitly stated so #grishaverse

[unrequitedloveletter]

Certainly- Kaz Brekker

The reader is a bit of an astrology and astronomy alike geek for this, which I hope y’all don’t mind! Also, in this case, phones exist so lets pretend that phones exist in Ketterdam, making it a bit of a modern au, I guess!

Also, this’ll probably be a bit ooc for Kaz

Fic type- angsty fluff

Warnings- blood, mentions of death, and the reader is sick (nothing specific, I just kind of took random symptoms and made up a word for the sickness)

You were determined to see the stars before you went, and as you grew sicker, none of the crows knew when that would be, so, after a little convincing, the crows had gotten Colm to let you spend a couple of months at his farm in Novyi Zem, where the stars were the clearest at night, not burdened by light pollution or the screams of lively cities. 

It was the seven of you crammed into a basement, sharing beds, but none of them cared, and you were just glad to be with the people you called family. You were happy that they were with you, that Kaz was willing to wheel you everywhere when you got too weak to stand, that Jesper still made jokes, even despite watching you deteriorate. You were grateful for Inejs smile, Wylans music, Ninas impeccable tastes and Matthias and his big arms that could lift you and put you down without issue. 

The six of them had started taking shifts taking you outside. Nina took you outside Sunday nights, Matthias Mondays, Wylan Tuesdays, Jesper Thursdays, Inej Fridays and Kaz Saturdays. Wednesdays you rested up; ate when it was time to eat, used the bathroom when you needed, took a shower if it were the appropriate time, but other than that, you slept.

It was Kaz’s day to wheel you out, and you’d had a particularly rough day that day. Inej went with him, promising not to intrude on the time that you would spend together. She’d do backflips and run across the roof of the farm if you asked her to, but she’d not interrupt otherwise. 

“I love the stars,” you whispered, leaning back in your wheelchair and tightening the hold of the blanket over your lap. “Thank you both. For doing this.” 

“Don’t you worry, love,” Kaz murmured. “Just keep your eyes on the stars, okay?”

“We’re happy to do this,” Inej added. “All of us are. Really.” It was like both of them could sense it as well as you could. You had a feeling that the night would end terribly, just like the morning had begun.

You’d woken up only to need to rush to the toilet immediately, blood coming up your throat like bile, staining your skin and leaving your bottom lip red as a cherry. 

Kaz had been at your side in a minute, Nina and Wylan right behind him. Wylan kept your hair away from the sides of your face, Nina slowed your heartrate and Kaz wet a cloth with cold water to get your body temp down. 

Kaz had forced himself to stay in the moment, to not let his thoughts stray to the urge to sleep in the same bed as you to make sure that nothing happened while you slept--to be there in case something did--but to stay on the sun as it set and the faraway sound of Wylan playing his flute with the window open so that you’d be able to hear it. 

Once you’d gotten settled under a tree, Inej ran off, making her way inside and up to the barns roof, where she sat, keeping a watch from a distance as Kaz let you rest your head against his shoulder, gloved hand interlaced with yours. 

“I love you, Brekker,” you murmured. “Please don’t forget that. Ever.” 

“I won’t,” he whispered. “You’re gonna stay around and get better until we can spar again, and you can beat my ass even though I’ve my cane as a weapon.” 

“You know full well I can’t promise that,” you wished that you could. You desperately wished. “I’m going to die young, Kaz. I’m not gonna get to eighteen, much less eighty.” Kaz hated you for that.

He hated you because everything that you said somehow managed to be right. It was like you had a sixth sense for that kind of thing, and while, on missions, it proved useful, in that scenario, it just proved annoying. 

“You’re gonna make it to eighteen if it kills me,” he informed you. “I’ll take you around the globe if I need to, just to make sure you end up okay. I will not live a life without you in it, Y/N.” 

“You’re sweet,” you murmured. “Incredibly sweet.”

“Only to you, L/N.” That was the last bit of conversation for a long while as the sun set and the stars came out.

“Did you know that the moon isn’t circular?” You pointed lazily to it, bright and beautiful amongst the even brighter stars. “According to scientests, it’s actually shaped like a lemon!” Kaz didn’t fight his smile.

Of course you’d be spouting off the little factoids you knew about space. You loved it, how vast and crazy it all seemed. 

“And that the clouds at the center of the Milky Way smell like raspberries and rum?” Kaz snorted.

“Okay, now, theres no way that ones true!” 

“Oh,” you leaned up, booping his nose without a care in the world. “But it is! It’s in a study somewhere, I think! Look it up!” He laughed, pulling you closer to him as you rambled.

Inej had started doing running flips across the roof, spinning and dancing and no doubt laughing as she did. Kaz knew it was an elaborate effort to get you to smile, and it seemed to work as she moved; a delightful silhouette amongst a star filled sky. 

“I love you, Kaz Brekker,” you whispered. “You don’t need to say it back, but I really, truly do love you with every bone that exists in my body.”

“I love you too,” he said it without hesitation. “And I’ll love you until we’re old and grey, I swear it.”

“Don’t hold me to that promise,” you murmured. “You know how bad this is. Stop thinking that I’ll make it into the new year. I probably wont.”

“You will if it kills me, Y/N,” he gave your shoulders a gentle squeeze. “I’ll drain the bank dry if I have to, I swear to Ghezen.”

You didn’t say anything after, too exhausted to even think about starting an argument with him, simply not wanting to. 

But then, an hour later, Kaz felt fear trickle into his stomach like it hadn’t ever in his life.

“And then theres Supernova. It’s like a star that’s dying having it’s last celebration. Like when we get a really big win, or when we get away with what we intended to get away with, and we all get shitfaced before we collapse onto our beds and sleep for the night? A supernova is a dying stars explosion. It’s the last celebration that the star has before it dies out.” you’d been rambling.

“Tonight is my... tonight is my...” Kaz had called for Nina right then and there, screaming her name while he felt you go slack against him.

“Zenik!” He screamed, not caring at all if he were to wake up Jespers father. “Zenik, call in that fucking favor with the bloody Ravkan prince!” Matthias came barreling out after her, phone in hand, already speaking to someone as Nina began working, steadying your heart and trying her hardest to keep you alive. 

Kaz had to force himself to walk away from it all, pushing his feet away after giving your shoulders one last squeeze and walking far out into the field. 

Once he was sure he was out of earshot, he couldn’t stop himself. Tears flooded his eyes and he found himself glaring at the sky, wanting to scream, wanting to shout, wishing that there was someone around that he could gut like a fish. 

“Saints,” he murmured through gritted teeth. “Sankt Ilya, Sankt Adrik, Sankta Alina of The Fold, I know I am a terrible person, but Y/N is not. They’re good, they smile, they laugh, they’re kind to others when those people probably don’t deserve their kindness. I know I’m damned, I know that you probably strongly dislike me, but they’re different.” He’d never asked the Saints for anything before, and he never would again.

“Please, just, let them live. Let them get the life that they deserve. I’ll do my best to make them happy, but you have to let me,” he wiped the tears from his eyes as they came. “They deserve the life that you’re so willing to take away, and all I ask is that you don’t take it.” He heard the sounds of the ambulance car and raced back to you, gripping your hand as they helped you onto a stretcher and out of the field, through the house and out the entrance. 

I won’t lose them, he told himself. A world without them is one that’s unbearable. 

O N E Y E A R L A T E R 

You laughed as Nina chased you through the halls of the Little Palace, running quickly through the endless corridors, your laughter carrying through them as you kept yourself in front of Nina.

Nikolai had kept you in the Os Altan palace since that night, where Inej laughed and danced and did her flips, whilst Wylan played the piano and Kaz sat beside you, listening to your ramblings without a care in the world. 

“You seem delighted,” Nikolai noticed as you stopped in front of his office. “I’ve never seen you walk without that Brekker boy at your side, much less run while Zenik is on your tail!” You shrugged, laughing as Ninas front crashed into your back.

“This is the best I’ve felt in a year,” you murmured. “I figured I’d see if Nina was up to chase me around this morning, and I haven’t stopped running since!” You peered in through the open office door, looking for that familliar mop of dark brown hair.

Nina wrapped her arms around you and gave you a gentle squeeze. “He’ll be here any minute,” she murmured. “He and the boys are just finishing up a job for Nik in East Ravka, but Matthias told me the second that they’d left!”

“Trust me. Y/N,” Nikolais smooth voice murmured. “I put them on one of my fastest boats. I knew how long it’d take them to get from here to east Ravka and back, and I promised him he’d be here when you finally awoke.” 

“Hows it feel, anyway?” Zoya appeared at his side. “Eighteen, I mean.” You shrugged.

“I miss Kaz,” you murmured bluntly. “I hate that I have to tell him that he was right, but I still miss him.” 

Nikolai took Zoyas hand, pulling her close as you and Nina watched, smiles on your faces. 

“Young love,” Zoya teased. “Zenik, let go of them so that they can turn around.” Nina obeyed, letting you go and moving to lean against the doorway with Nikolai and Zoya. 

You turned, and smiled when your gazes met. “You were right, Brekker,” you murmured, walking toward him as he held out your gift to you. “I’m better now, and the second that you’re ready to spar, I’m gonna beat your ass, even though you’ve your cane as a weapon.” He grabbed your pinky with his the moment you were within distance.

“How’d the heist go?” You murmured once the two of you had walked out of earshot. 

“Good,” Kaz let himself be close to you as you two moved, squeezing your pinky as you slowed your steps. “Plan went off without a hitch, for three idiots and a mastermind with a limp. I brought you this from it,” he held the gift out to you again, and you took it in your free hand, examining it.

“I had to ask permission for that,” he murmured. “I had to get the Ravkan kings seal of approval to steal that for you.” You laughed, looking it over.

It was a journal. Black and leather bound, pages crisp and untouched. A pen was tucked into the cover. 

“I promise, we’ll go home soon,” you responded. “I miss Ketterdam. I could go for some waffles.” 

“Don’t they have waffles here?” Kaz questioned.

“Not Ketterdam waffles, love. Ketterdam waffles are unlike any pathetic waffle from here! Doused in syrup and whip cream--” You let out a satisfied sigh. “So good it’s almost surreal!” Kaz smirked.

“Waffle date when you’re well enough to return home then?” 

“Certainly.”

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #platonic inej ghafa x reader #six of crows #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #waffles

[kindness-ricochets]

I’ve been seeing a lot of thoughts and hc of autistic wylan lately and you seem to also be a fan of the concept. May I ask why? Exactly? I could definitely kinda see it but wanna hear you thoughts you’re always so eloquent

Hey there anon! Sorry for the delay—I’m guessing you already found an answer to this elsewhere while I was off Tumblr for a bit, but just in case, here are my thoughts. This will be heavily personal, but… well, you can’t very well ask an autistic person about autism and expect neutrality!

Autism is different for everyone and can be difficult to pin down, so while Wylan is arguably autistic, he misses several beats that for me would have made him definitively and undeniably autistic. For example, when the bells start to ring, triggering black protocol—I work in a place with a lot of bells and am frequently caught too close to one and normally press my hands over my ears until it’s over because that sound is like shrapnel raking across my insides. All of them. Not just the ear and brain parts. Wylan doesn’t have that sort of visceral reaction, but that may just mean he doesn’t have the same sensitivities that I do, or to the same level. He also never, that I recall, eats meat—as weird as that might sound, eating meat is incredibly complicated with heightened sensitivities to taste and texture. I’m not sure how old I was when I realized it was strange to get up from the table to spit out my food because it viscerally repulsed me. So it might be that Wylan is autistic and has different experiences than I do. Those are things I would include in a story as major indicators of a character being autistic. This might also mean that his father’s way of raising him taught him to hide unusual reactions and stimming behaviors. It’s not that much of a reach to assume a man who tried to abuse the dyslexia out of his son would take the same approach to autism. (More on autism and abuse later.)

So while I’m going to lay out why I read Wylan as autistic, that’s why I think it’s valid to read him as not being autistic as well. Both are valid.

A final caveat, I am well overdue for a reread of the books, so I likely left something out or could have found better examples. Take this as a few of my reasons for a personal headcanon. Anyone who feels differently, that's fine! We can each read things our own way :)

1 - Hyperfixation: The way Wylan loves music

Most of the Crows’ backgrounds color how they see the world: Kaz’s shrewdness, Matthias’s tactical thinking and superstition, Inej’s faith and Suli wisdom, etc. That’s a sign of good character writing. But very little of Wylan’s upbringing seems to have influenced how he sees the world. It comes closest when he thinks about how his father would scorn his new friends, but we never see that scorn from Wylan.

The way a hyperfixation feels, it’s like you’ve always lived in a close parallel world, never fully been a part of the other one where it seems like everyone else lives, but suddenly there’s this bright shining piece of your soul laced through the other world. It lets you connect, it lets you exist in their realm, and you can’t help but filter everything new through that lens because it’s the brightest, most wonderful thing. (I had been between hyperfixations for a while when I started a new job; six months into that work, I read Crooked Kingdom. One of my coworkers thought I had fallen in love, it was that marked a difference.)

So, combining these: Wylan never really acts like he was part of his father’s world, and indeed is in some ways separate from the other Crows, but he parses everything through music, his hyperfixation. He sets words to music to remember them, like he does with the contract. Even his own anxiety is made sense of through music, when in his first narrated chapter, he sets it to music: what am I doing here what am I doing here…. When he’s overwhelmed, his thoughts are “a jangle of misplayed chords”. The Crows have backgrounds that influence how they react to the world, but Wylan’s hyperfixation is his means of experiencing and understanding the world.

2 - Literal thinking: Wylan responds to exact words

In this post, I went into detail on the line where Wylan suggested waking up men to kill them. Wylan is generally unsupportive of killing people—Oomen, Smeet’s clerk, his father… he advocates not-murder in each of these situations. Accepting his aversion to murder, his suggestion to wake men up and kill them seems like a genuine reaction to Jesper saying he doesn’t want to kill unconscious men. Wylan takes things literally.

This happens the most with Jesper, probably because Jesper talks to Wylan the most. Nina and Matthias don’t really register him past how he might be useful, Inej is usually quite direct, and Kaz is very deliberate when he speaks with Wylan. This really interests me because Kaz tends to vary his speech more than the others do, he adapts more to being around other people. He jokes a little with Jesper, spars with Nina, speaks more openly and more sharply with Inej, and he’s precise with Wylan. Kaz may not know what autism is, but he recognizes what’s effective with Wylan.

Another example is when Wylan is sketching the Ice Court plans and Jesper says it looks like a cake. There are plenty of valid responses here: pointing out that concentric circles look like lots of things, that it’s just a sketch, telling Jesper to stop looking over his shoulder. Instead, Wylan says that the Ice Court is sort of like a cake. That… doesn’t sound like something Wylan would normally say. He’s not addressing the whole situation, he’s addressing the specific words Jesper said.

One of the most heartbreaking examples of this (to me, anyway) is with Marya. Wylan does the same thing with his mother, when she asks if he’s there for her money and says she hasn’t got any, and his response is, “I don’t either.” We understand as readers that what Marya is communicating here is that she is so accustomed to being utterly ignored unless she is being used, and if she told Wylan that no one visited but to take advantage and she assumed he was here for the same reason, he would say it wasn’t the case. But he just responds to the immediate statement.

There are a lot of examples of this.

3 — 0% perception, 100% creativity

Wylan can identify things that don’t make sense or that he doesn’t understand, but at the beginning of the series he can’t make leaps, only ask questions. On the Ferolind, he wonders about the source of water at the Ice Court; though Kaz doesn’t say as much, he was clearly wondering, too, because he eventually figured out the underground river. There’s an interesting parallel here where, in the beginning of Crooked Kingdom, Wylan asks a question about how they’ll break into Smeet’s and Kaz tells him to use his eyes instead of running his mouth—at which point Wylan is able to figure it out. I don’t think this is because he never tried before, though, but because no one ever bothered to teach him. Kaz can be harsh but he gives harsh corrections rather than harsh rejections and Wylan learns from him.

It’s hard to understand the world for people with autism. The world is designed and run by and for people whose minds are fundamentally different from ours, whose thoughts and experiences are unlike ours. Imagine trying to learn English or Spanish or Mandarin or any other spoken language if your first language was olfactory. That’s sort of what it’s like for someone with autism to just get dropped into the world and expected to figure this out.

This can be attributed to Wylan’s upbringing, but I disagree with that because none of the others were brought up in the Barrel, either, and Wylan doesn’t understand trade or politics with any special skill. Kaz wasn’t born in the Barrel, but he managed to go from “stealing is wrong” to “wrong isn’t my concern” real quick; Colm Fahey didn’t raise his son on gambling and firefights; the Ghafas never expected their daughter to be away from the family. Only Nina has relevant training—and even that’s precious little, she left school way too early. The others figured it out; Wylan needed a bit more help. He also seems surprised by the way his father conducts business. Wylan takes things on face value—like the time he’s surprised someone would do something, simply because it’s unlawful. This is something he expresses to a group of gangsters. He’s never been taught the way of any world and these things are not intuitive to him.

But Wylan isn’t stupid.

He doesn’t know how to understand the world, but he does understand how things go together. Given a pointy diamond, a handle, and a screw, he cut through Grisha glass. He carries flashbangs and magic napalm, he recreates military hardware—Wylan understands how to make things interact for a specific result. But to me the most telling thing isn’t just that he puts together chemical pieces, it’s that he figured out Jesper controlled bullets. He saw the pieces and put them together.

Wylan can understand when things don’t make sense, but he can’t make sense of them—yet when he understands things at their basic level, he understands them without preconception, for what they are. This is a very autistic way of thinking about things, it goes back to the literalism. He can’t make the leaps of logic other people can, but he also doesn’t make the assumptions they do—“I’ve never heard of a bullet Grisha, so that’s not a thing” vs “Well Jesper’s an almost impossibly good shot and he controls metal and bullets are metal, so why not?”

4 - Broken brain/body connection

Wylan’s great at chemistry and drawing and playing flute or piano—but he’s something of a disaster other times. This is in particular contrast to the other characters, all of whom are physically adept. Meanwhile it’s a challenge for Wylan to climb a rope ladder and he spends a full paragraph trying to figure out what to do with his hands. It’s easy to say, well, he’s used to a sedentary lifestyle, but at this point he’s not. He’s worked in the tannery for months. He’s just physically awkward.

I have less to say on this point only because it’s about something I don’t fully understand myself. I don’t really understand what it would be like to have a body that just… does things? Like normal stuff? Without tics and stims. No idea. Only that Wylan’s discomfort in and seeming lack of mastery of his own body feels very relatable to me.

5 - Abuse

One of the most familiar things about Wylan is how he has been so thoroughly abused and broken down that he’s afraid to do or say much of anything. Again, this is a place his background can be an obscuring factor. Of course Wylan didn’t think to blow up the walls when the first met the parem-juiced jurda and got trapped, he’s a spoiled rich kid! Except, he also startled when Jesper said his name later. Wylan didn’t hesitate because he was spoiled, he hesitated because he had no confidence.

He also thinks Kaz would laugh at him for playing music at his mother’s grave. Now, personally, I can’t see Kaz laughing at Wylan—being indifferent, thinking it’s pointless sentimentality, shaking his head, maybe commenting sharply that they need to go if they don’t have the time. But not laughing. Kaz is a snarky, sharp-edged jerk sometimes, but he doesn’t go out of his way to criticize, he just lets people know when they inconvenience him.

Wylan has been trained to identify attention as negative by an overbearing abusive father who literally saw him as less favorable than a demon. Now, that may have been hyperbole, but Jan criticized everything he could about Wylan—art, music, emotion—and made clear that he was worthless and competent to nothing. (Jan Van Eck can suck a rotten donkey dick but that’s neither here nor there.)

A lot of people with autism experience levels of bullying that have similar impacts. Or as the kids these days are calling it: we go to school. We go to school where we are weird. Where we look weird and move weird and talk about weird things and there’s a whole little bevy of asswipes to makes sure we know it. I got teased more for playing Pokemon and sitting alone reading than the kid who pissed himself onstage at assembly. (This was before Pokemon was cool. I’m old.) And that is not unusual for autistic kids. It’s also not unusual for this to be compounded by relatives or even parents who may be trying to help but don’t understand and can make things even harder.

So we can’t read social cues and we’re taught at a vicious age that everything that comes naturally to us is wrong. Imagine trying to interact in society with that background. There is no guide and most advice from neurotypical people isn’t actually what they mean. It breaks you down.

Wylan’s anxiety isn’t definitive of autism, but isn’t something that was incredibly familiar as someone whose neurodivergent experiences created a strong level of anxiety.

6 — High Compassion, Low Social Competence

Wylan isn’t very good at making friends. In fact, none of the Crows likes him much in the beginning, and only some of them soften toward him by the end. (Matthias and Nina come to respect his skills as a chemist but neither seems to particularly like him.) But you can see throughout the books that Wylan wants to connect with them and be one of them, he just… isn’t. He’s off-beat. He’s weird. He asks questions and mimics behaviors (trying to be cool and tough like Jesper, saying “mission” like Matthias does, imitating Kaz’s scheming face) but he doesn’t quite get how to adapt.

But he still cares about people. Not just them. Everyone. He cares about the people they leave in the ditch outside the prison wagon, he cares about Hanna Smeet, he cares about Alys. He cares about the people who’ll take a hit from Kaz’s sugar caper.

Wylan’s awkward social skills have undeniable big autism energy. I posit his compassion does as well. This is simply who Wylan is, and that means being someone who cares about everyone. I have nothing to back up that this is related to autism. I can say that it’s like me. (Not to brag.) I can’t turn off the part of my brain that says everyone matters. Individuals can opt out of that compassion, but they have it by default. There’s a certain agony in feeling a pull toward and love for just about everyone and yet an inability to develop meaningful connections with them, and that keen loneliness… it just burns.

Again, it’s not definitive of autism, but it’s very similar to an autistic experience.

I said in the beginning that I didn’t think Wylan certainly had autism and I stand by that, but he is a powerfully honest reflection of many people who do. So he can be understood to have autism, and that’s part of the reason some people have that headcanon.

#six of crows #wylan van eck #autism #actually autistic

[saanjhish]

Kaz Discreetly Being There For Jesper in CK, chapter 6 (TW: Crooked Kingdom spoilers):

In chapter 6, we witness some precious, underrated moments of Kaz and Jesper, or rather underrated soft Kaz moments towards Jesper.

We are always saying that Kaz is only soft for Inej, and while that is true because he prefers to let down his guard around Inej [Kanej Supremacy], he is also soft for the rest of the Crows, but doesn't prefer to fully show it. Instead, he has their backs discreetly, so that it looks like it's for his own good, but is really for theirs as well.

In this post, we'll be looking at the three iconic times he had Jesper's back when Colm Fahey, the latter's father, had entered the tomb they were staying at.

"Were you followed?" [asked by Kaz]

"No," Jesper replied with a decisive shake of his head.

"Wylan?"

Colm bristled, "you doubt my son's word?"

"It isn't personal, Da," said Jesper. "He doubts everyone's word."

Kaz's expression had been unruffled, his rough stone voice so easy and pleasant that Nina felt the hair rise on her arms. "Apologies, Mister Fahey. A habit on develops in the Barrel. Trust but verify."

Here, Kaz could have been rude, to instill fear in Colm Fahey as well, like he preferred to with everyone else in order to survive. But he didn't. He was Jesper's father, and Kaz knew how important he was to Jesper, so he decided on being sincere, nice. He decided on doing what was good for Jesper instead of what was good for himself. Also, let's not ignore the fact that he adressed Colm Fahey as "Mister Fahey." He showed him respect, he usually addresses men and women much older than Colm by their first name. Yet he went with "Mister Fahey," when it came to adressing Colm Fahey.

Onto the next one.

"I wrote to you, Jes," His [Colm's] voice was confused, not accusing.

"I … I haven't been able to collect mail." After Jesper had stopped attending university, had he still managed to receive letters there? Nina wondered how he'd maintained this ruse for so long. It would have been made easier by the fact that Colm was an ocean away—and by his desire to believe in his son. An easy mark, Nina thought sadly. No matter his reasons, Jesper had been conning his own father.

"Jesper—" said Colm.

"I was trying to get the money, Da."

"They're threatening to take the farm."

Jesper's eyes were firmly fixed on the tomb floor. "I was close. I am close."

"To the money?" Now Nina heard Colm's frustration. "We're sitting in a tomb. We were just shot at."

"What got you on a ship to Ketterdam?" Kaz asked.

Here, Kaz noticed Jesper's obvious disappointment in himself and his fear of his father finding out. And due to the questions Colm kept asking Jesper, the sharpshooter we all love was suffering from undoubted internal panic. So, Kaz asked Colm a question that distracted him from asking Jesper questions and prevented Jesper from shattering to pieces inside. Kaz knew that Jesper wanted his father to think of him as a student, studying and working hard, and not a criminal with a gambling addiction [who also worked hard, but Jesper's insecurities told him otherwise when he stood in front of his father.]

Kaz protected Jesper, making it look like the question was just to get more information, but it was mostly to bringing Jesper's worst fears to life.

And the next,

"I don't understand any of this. Why would you bring me to this horrible place? Why were we shot at? What has become of your studies? What has become of you?" [asked Colm]

Jesper opened his mouth, closed it. "Da, I … I—"

"It was my fault," Wylan blurted. Every eye turned on him. "He uh … he was concerned about the bank loan, so he put his studies on hold to work with a …"

"Local gunsmith," Nina offered.

"Nina," Matthias rumbled warningly.

"He needs our help," she whispered.

"To lie to his father?"

"It's a fib. Totally different." She had no idea where Wylan was going with this, but he was clearly in need of assistance.

"Yes!" said Wylan eagerly. "A gunsmith! And then I … I told him about a deal—"

"They were swindled," Kaz said. His voice cold and steady as ever, but he held himself swiffly, as if walking over uncertain ground. "They were offered a business opportunity that seemed too good to be true."

Colm slumped into a chair. "If it seems that way, then—"

"It probably is," said Kaz. Nina had the strangest sense that for once he was being sincere.

Notice how Kaz was quick to lie for Jesper? He normally won't do that, he won't lie unless it benefitted him. But this benefitted Jesper as well. Kaz wasn't getting much profit from lying to Colm. But Jesper was. He doesn't want Jesper to be weak, he doesn't want Jesper to lose his confidence. That would put the plan of getting Inej back at risk, but even if Inej was here, he would do the same.

Why? Because Jesper is like a brother to him. Actually, no, he is a brother to him.

#kaz brekker #kaz fucking brekker #kaz my beloved #kaz x jesper #kaz rietveld #jesper #jesper fahey #jesper my beloved #kaz #the crows #six of crows #leigh bardugo #lbardugo #soc lb #crooked kingdom #ck lb #ck spoilers #grishaverse #colm fahey

[sixofbastards]

Reminiscent

(The background info NOT from the book is purely my own thoughts. Their backstories do not change. But I wanted my sad kids to have a little bit of a happy childhood.)

Word count: 1,839

Kaz Brekker never talked about his life when he was a child on a farm. He had a reputation to uphold. You don’t earn the title ‘Bastard of the Barrel’ by growing up on a farm in the countryside. Not to mention that bringing up his childhood meant his whole childhood, and nobody was good enough to know about Jordie.

Kaz and his friends (something that he only referred to them as in his mind) had started drinking after a grueling day of work. They’d gathered in Kaz’s study in The Slat, everyone’s voices soft and liquid from the alcohol. Nina had curled against Matthias on the sofa and closed her eyes. Wylan was attempting to teach Jesper some notes on the flute by the fire as Kuwei watched on. Inej was seated on the floor in front of the couch, flipping through a book. All in all, a much more preferred night than sitting alone in a dark room by himself.

A particularly shrill tweet from the flute startled everyone, and Jesper set the instrument on the floor. Embarrassment had seeped into his body as everyone chuckled at him.

“We should do something more than this,” the dark skinned boy said.

“And what exactly would you suggest,” Nina asked, her voice slurring with drowsiness.

“We could get to know each other. Sure, we’ve been through a heist together, but I would have no clue what any of your favorite colors are. I could take a guess but that wouldn’t make for a very fun birthday present.”

The air was tension filled and silent. Kaz took a slow sip of his drink, the sloshing of ice seemed to break the shared revelry in the room. His gloved fingers tapped a silent rhythm on his large stuffed chair.

“Well if nobody will go first, I suppose I’ll make the sacrifice,” Nina said as she righted herself from Matthias’s side.

Nina began talking about her earliest memory. She was lying on a wooden floor near a dim fireplace. There were fur blankets around her. Her eyes were on the ceiling, and a woman came into her view. The woman was the most beautiful person she had ever seen. The woman’s hair was a deep burgundy in the firelight, and she wore a dazzling green dress. Her eyes were shining with happiness. The woman picked Nina up in her arms and the memory ended.

“Oh, and my favorite color is blue.”

It seemed that silence was a shadowy creature that was waiting on its haunches, leaping whenever voices fell flat.

“You wear a lot of red for someone whose favorite color is blue,” Jesper joked.

“Red is a good color on me, but there’s something about blue.”

“Spare is the details of looking into Matthias’s eyes for seven hours, Nina,” Inej interjected. She admitted to herself that alcohol made her filter disappear, and she could keep up with the jokes that everyone told.

Jesper gave a whoop and Nina laughed. Wylan held his hand up for a smack, and Inej reciprocated. Matthias turned pink.

“I’ll go next,” the gruff Fjerdan said, trying to derail the situation.

Matthias’s story was bittersweet, with memories of his mother and sister. He detailed what it was like to live with the two women. When Matthias was nudged into the army, he remembered feeling that his little sister was becoming more and more like his mother everyday. Then his memory took a darker turn as he began to describe those first few years training to be a drüskelle. At this point, Nina had begun to rub his back in comforting circles.

“Thank you for sharing, Matthias. I could never understand what it was like for you, but it must be hard to talk about it at all,” Inej said quietly, passing the bottle of alcohol over to Matthias. He poured himself another drink and inclined his head in acknowledgement. His final statement of the night was that his favorite color was red.

“I’ll go next,” Inej said, steeling herself to think back to her childhood.

It wasn’t hard for the Suli girl to talk with a whimsical air when she regaled the group with tales of her life as an acrobat. It surprised no one that this was where she had gotten her incredible talents of scaling and sneaking. She told of her mother and her father, her cousins and the family she had from her traveling troop. She stopped herself before she got to the part where she ended up in Ketterdam. It was... something she thought of too often already. Her favorite color was purple.

Jesper went then. He told the group about trailing through the fields, leeching the jurda of its color. They all smiled at his recollection of his mother and her caring nature. They’d all met his father, so they knew what Colm was like, and Jesper said he hadn’t changed much from his childhood. Jesper’s favorite color was orange.

Wylan was next. Everyone knew his life pretty much. Heir to a rich man turned black sheep. What they didn’t know was how much he loved art, music, and acting. He recalled, before his father learned of his disability, that the family would go out and visit the local theatre to watch the plays. He also loved the color gray.

There was a sweetness in the air, longing for a mother’s embrace that would never again come. Jesper brought Wylan to his chest, burying his face in copper curls. Everyone gave a moment of respect, as they had done for the other stories.

Kuwei went last. He mostly talked about his father, the types of experiments he was involved with. There were brief details of his mother, someone he barely remembered now. He missed Shu Han, but was happier here with everyone else. His favorite color was green.

“Kaz? Do you have anything to add? Is it possible that you didn’t crawl from a dank alleyway and onto the front steps of the Slat?”

Nina’s question was gentle, a slight hint of joking to her voice. No matter how many times they crew had asked about Kaz’s background, he had a way of dodging the question. Always something about being a street rat or the like. But maybe now after everyone has shared? Of those in the room, they were the only ones the others could trust with information like this.

Kaz sipped his drink slowly, looking into the fire blankly. Was he really considering telling them? Not about Jordie, but...

Minutes passed, and Jesper finally opened his mouth to make a joke when Kaz spoke up.

“I was born on a farm in the Kerch countryside.”

Time seemed to stop. Nobody seemed to be breathing. Kaz’s heart plummeted to the floor and he gulped down another mouthful of his drink.

“It was a small farm. I don’t remember what our crop was, if we even had one. We had chickens.”

Kaz knew that this wasn’t nearly as detailed as the others. But after Jordie, he had forgotten most of his past.

“My mother baked fresh bread every day and I remember putting so much butter on it that it would make me sick. My brother-“

Kaz stopped, swallowing thickly. A flood of memories had come back now that he’d opened his mind to them.

“My brother and I went down to this creek every day and tried to fish. It wasn’t even ten feet wide, and it was about knee deep so there weren’t any fish. My brother always said that we were practicing for our trip to the ocean. We never went to the ocean, but I admired him so much I didn’t care.”

Once Kaz began talking, he couldn’t stop. There was something so freeing about being able to talk about his old family with his new family.

“I woke up every morning to the chickens clucking and I would feed them.”

The group’s surprise turned into awe when, as Kaz continued to talk, a genuine smile came over his face. It softened his features and was unrestrained. There was a dimple in his left cheek that had probably been hidden since whatever had been done to turn him into who he was now.

Kaz snapped his mouth shut, his teeth clicking together. He threw back the rest of his drink, running his tongue over his lips. The famed Bastard of the Barrel stood then, his cane clutched in his hand.

“It appears we’ve run out of drink. I’ll go get more.”

And so Kaz left, trekking down the stairs, thoughts swirling in his head.

Back in Kaz’s study, the group was silent. The fire popped, and Nina jumped.

“So I guess I wasn’t crazy that when I met Kaz, I thought he had an accent.”

Everyone looked to Jesper, varying emotions rolling over their faces. Inej in particular looked very interested.

“What did he sound like,” Nina asked.

Jesper shrugged and attempted a Kerch accent with a slight drawl. Nina burst into giggles, with Wylan following. Inej briefly smiled, and Matthias looked extremely pensive.

“I do have to wonder how a farm boy ended up in Ketterdam though. When did he come here?”

Wylan’s question sent the group into their own heads. What did make Kaz’s family decide to come to Ketterdam. Or did his family stay on the farm, and only Kaz came to Ketterdam.

“We shouldn’t pry anymore. It took a lot of courage for him to say those things, and we should respect that,” Inej said quietly. The group of teens all silently agreed.

When Kaz came back, the group was spewing jokes about something Jesper had said while he was gone. He settled back into his chair, and Inej got up from her place on the floor to pass the bottle around. Instead of going back, however, she settled herself on the arm of his chair.

The night went on much the same, drinks and stories being shared. Kaz didn’t talk for the rest of the night, but he no longer felt such the usual heaviness on his shoulders. He felt free. Not completely, mind you, but free enough that he knew he could truly trust the people in this room.

Matthias had been sending Kaz some meaningful looks since he’d returned. Kaz knew what they meant, and he appreciated Matthias a little bit more.

“Oh, Kaz, you never told us your favorite color,” Jesper said.

Everyone kept quiet as Kaz contemplated his answer. Nobody had ever asked him that before. He looked to Inej, then the rest of the group.

“My favorite color is black.”

#I LOVE KAZ BREKKER #six of crows #six of crows duology #soc #soc fanfic #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #kuwei yul bo #nina zenik #matthias helvar #kaz x inej #jesper x wylan #nina x matthias #my writing

[ana-annotated]

128 THINGS I LOVED ABOUT CROOKED KINGDOM (WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!) Part 1

1. It has WYLAN’S POV

2. Jesper is one of his biggest reasons for committing to being a member of the Dregs and he knows it

3. Kaz breaks into the house of a wealthy and probably dangerous lawyer in the middle of the night but first things first, he’s gotta give the guard dogs belly rubs before robbing their owner.

4. Nina is still facing the consequences of ingesting parem and yet here she is undercover, charming this lawyer out of his whistle.

5. Wylan’s dark side just gets darker

6. Kaz having a rare soft moment and telling Wylan where his mother is buried cause he knows what it’s like to lose someone suddenly and not get to say goodbye

7. Matthias trying to understand Kaz’s sleight of hand and still failing to see how he does it

8. Matthias wishing Wylan or Kuwei would wear a hat so he could tell them apart

9. Wylan blushing at Jesper’s touch

10. Wylan Van Sunshine

11. Leave my grandmother out of this

12. Jesper’s dad is so innocent and precious and must be protected at all costs

13. Are you all students? Of a sort

14. Matthias has a little sister

15. Matthias comforting Alys cause she reminds him of his mother when she was pregnant

16. Nina whining over Matthias sacrificing her biscuits to keep Alys quiet

17. Matthias jealous of Jesper making Nina smile

18. Inej laughing in Van Eck’s face for thinking he outwitted Kaz

19. Nina expecting Matthias to rub her feet from now on whenever she wants him to

20. Matthias longing for a domestic life with Nina

21. Nina longing for the comfort of family relationships like the one Jesper has with his father

22. Jesper as a kid

23. Jesper’s mom was the sweetest most badass person ever and taught him everything he knows at such a young age

24. The WYLAN’S MOM CURVEBALL WHO THE HECK DOES THAT TO A PERSON MY POOR BABY HOW DARE JAN DO THAT TO HIM AND HER?!

25. Wylan’s motivation to get revenge

26. Kaz giving Wylan a pep talk about strength when facing a weakness

27. Matthias’s relationship with his wolf

28. Matthias pretending to be a happy go lucky Fjerdan

29. Nina having to explain every single dirty joke to him and convince him they’re not insults

30. Nina and Matthias’s first kiss being straight out of a Disney movie 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

31. Everyone points guns at each other in Ketterdam it’s basically a handshake

32. Matthias going into full military general mode and leads a two-man Grisha army in a victorious mini war against the Dime Lions

33. Kaz literally CRASHING Van Eck’s dinner party

34. Dunyasha: “I am Dunyasha, a white human blade, a ruthless assassin princess, and my sole purpose is destroying you. Prepare to feel my ninja stars.”

Inej: “New phone who dis?”

35. Colm Fahey adopting his teen gang member son’s five gang member friends

36. Nina finally getting her waffles

37. Only to realize Matthias Helvar is possible better than waffles (just barely, but still)

38. Matthias believing waffles is Nina’s one true love instead of him

39. What’s new? Nm, Nina can raise the dead to do her bidding, Inej plummeted 20 stories and nearly died at the ninja stars of some assassin chick with a huge ego, and there’s a huge gaping hole in Jan Van Eck’s dining room ceiling. Hbu? Who wants waffles?

40. They’re all crazy but Wylan realizes there’s nobody he’d rather have by his side cause the Dregs are HIS CREW

41. Kaz Ankle Breaker Brekker sliding past a pair of Van Eck’s guards and knocking them off their feet at once with his cane

42. The Crows trying to outdo each other with the highest rewards offered for their execution or capture.

43. Kaz winning that contest in a landslide

44. Nina flipping off their Wanted posters

45. Nina changing out of her Fjerdan costume with Matthias’s “help.”

46. Jesper and Kuwei’s haunting the Dime Lions

47. Little Inej stopping hearts and scaring her family to death on the high wire but wanting to keep going back on no matter what

48. Inej only falling when a net is underneath her

49. Wylan’s first impression of Jesper

50. Jesper’s flair for neon fashion

51. “Mother, father pay the rent! I can’t my dear the money’s spent!”

52. “On a dare I ate a literal trough full of waffles doused in apple syrup and almost went back for seconds.”

53. Kaz treating Jesper like a brother, even yelling at him and calling him Jordie because he’s so protective of Jesper and wants to keep him from making a mistake too big because of his gambling addiction. Seeing Jesper get carried away with his best worries him and he just wants him to be smart and not make the same costly mistakes Jordie did.

54. Kaz and Jesper arguing like brothers and then proceeding to fight like brothers while Inej, Nina, and Matthias sit around bored, waiting for them to snap out of it cause they’re definitely not going to kill each other with their bare hands, and there are bigger things to worry about.

55. Jesper’s dad breaking up the fight with a single threat

56. Jesper Llewelyn Fahey

57. I KISSED THE WRONG BOY

58. Inej and Jesper’s friendship

59. Matthias being very okay with PDA with Nina

60. Colm’s presence making the Dregs feel like kids worn out from a rowdy birthday party

61. Kuwei being a straight up savage and lying about his language barrier

62. KANEJ WOUND BANDAGING SCENE DESTROYED ME EVERYTHING ABOUT IT I HAVE NO COMPLAINTS NOR DID I EXPECT HIM TO EVEN GET HALF AS CLOSE TO HER AS HE DID

63. Kaz trying so so hard to push away all memories of his trauma to be in the moment and touch Inej and just show her how much she means to him

64. She followed him anyway

65. Kaz reclaiming his rightfully EARNED Dregs throne

66. Inej watching him kick out Haskell and kick traitor Dregs ass with pride

67. “I suggest a cane”

68. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Same thing that’s always wrong with him, he’s Kaz Brekker.”

66. Nina constantly trying to get Kaz to warm up a little, whether by joining a group hug or letting someone help bandage him up post-fight for his life

67. Colm willing to do anything to help the gang without question

68. Wylan’s cute anger at Jesper for mistaking Kuwei for him (let’s be real tho he was pretty mad at himself too for not being more upfront with his feelings since he had no Tailor to fix him)

69. Wylan getting mad at Nina for failing to mention she found a refugee Tailor that could change him back

70. Colm feeding into Nina’s waffle/food in general addiction

71. The politics in the story are so intricate and it just continues to be built upon in Crooked Kingdom. It’s detailed enough that honestly, Leigh could probably write a whole Grishaverse history textbook. It’s pretty interesting to read from everything we get from the Dregs discussing their home nations, their histories, traditions, and relations with other countries. Leigh put in so much effort to build not just an authentic country in Kerch, but an entire alternate world. Really fun to read about.

72. Wylan’s offense for Jesper not being able to tell him and Kuwei apart in that moment

73. Jesper stealing a portrait Wylan’s mother painted of him to help them reconnect once Wylan’s features are returned

74. “I told you, I like your stupid face.”

75. Jesper helping Genya tailor Wylan’s “stupid” face because he remembers it quite well

76. Jesper nearly losing it when he returns to find the boy he had fallen for at first sight has returned to his original appearance

77. JESPER KISSING THE RIGHT BOY

78. “I really hope we don’t die”

79. Colm giving an award worthy performance in front of Van Eck to rope him and the Council into falling for Kuwei’s fake indenture auction

80. Nina’s underlining threat to Van Eck for messing with Kaz, only a fool would try to scheme against Brekker

81. Colm telling Wylan that he’d be good for Jesper ☺️

82. Wylan taking an actual beating from other Dregs to make Jan Van Eck believe the Dime Lions were going to kill his son for him

83. Wylan’s on point acting making everybody in the chapel believe his father was a conniving scumbag all along

84. THE FACT THAT JESPER CAN ACTUALLY USE HIS POWERS TO AIM HIS BULLETS

85. Kaz lying like nobody’s business to the Merchant Council and everyone bidding on Kuwei to throw Van Eck under the bus

86. Kaz freaking BLOWING UP THE MENAGERIE IF THAT’S NOT A DECLARATION OF HIS LOVE TO INEJ IDK WHAT IS

87. Kaz and Inej hand holding

88. Nina pretending to be pregnant

89. Matthias believing Kaz could fake a birth

90. Genya teaming up with Kaz and Nina to fake Kuwei’s death

91. I haven’t even read the Shadow and Bone trilogy yet but I love King Nikolai and his alter ego and I can’t wait to read more of him in the series and in King of Scars!!!!!

#kaz brekker #six of crows #crooked kingdom #inej ghafa #kaz x inej #nina x inej #grishaverse #ketterdam #leigh bardugo #dregs #also matthias is still alive and no one can convince me otherwise #matthias helvar #nina zenik #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #jesper and wylan #wylan van sunshine #kuwei yul bo #kuwei

[piratespencil]

Queen of Death - Part 2 - Inej

Heavy spoilers for Crooked Kingdom.

Inej believed that the spirits of her Saints watched over her. She’d seen Nina command corpses, and she’d spent days living in the misty depths of a graveyard.

But until now, she had never seen a ghost.

Part 1/2/3

Read on AO3

Specht had begun to gather a crew for Inej’s ship, but Inej was not prepared to leave Ketterdam just yet. She showed her parents around the winding streets of the city, carefully steering them away from the worst places, and kept them housed in a lovely inn near the Lid – she could afford a room at the Geldrenner now, even the Ketterdam Suite where Colm had stayed, but her parents were not the type. She ate waffles and played music with Wylan and Jesper, and snuck into Kaz’s office late at night just to sit by him, to hear him scheming about the future.

She was waiting for Rotty to return from Ravka with news of how the voyage had gone. It took weeks to reach Ravka this time of year and weeks to return, but Rotty was beginning to verge on lateness. Inej prayed to her Saints that nothing had happened to him, or to Nina and Kuwei, or to Jesper’s father and all the others.

Inej did not expect Nina to return with Rotty – she was taking Matthias to be buried in Fjerda, and from there she had grand plans of working towards peace on the border between their countries. She hoped Rotty would have news of Nina’s well-being, at least.

She could not imagine how Nina was doing, how she was coping with having lost Matthias so soon after finding him again. Though it felt like lifetimes since they had rescued Matthias from Hellgate, it had really been no time at all.

Inej did not like to think about Matthias’s body, broken, bleeding, cold. They had all had their disagreements with Matthias. He had been gruff, judgemental and difficult to get along with at first. But he was one of them. The six of them, the Ice Court team, had begun to feel like something more than just a crew on a job. They had been something special, something sacred, something that none of them had fully appreciated until it was gone.

“We were all supposed to make it,” Wylan had murmured the night Matthias died. And Inej realized that, naively, she had thought the same. She’d thought she’d been prepared to die at any moment, facing off against Dunyasha and against the whole of Ketterdam. She’d thought she’d been prepared to see any or all of her friends die – she’d almost expected it.

And yet, at the end of the night, when she saw Matthias’s cold body while the rest of them were still warm and alive, she’d been shocked. And maybe that was it – she’d expected them all to go together. Either the plan would blow up in their faces and they would all die, or they would all celebrate their triumphs together. They’d chilled champagne. They’d expected to win.

In the end, no one had drunk the champagne that night.

And no matter how much any of them missed Matthias, Inej knew Nina missed him more. She hoped Nina was okay. She missed Nina, too, in a different way.

Inej missed Matthias like a vital piece of herself that she hadn’t known she’d needed until it was gone. She missed Nina like a favourite knife she’d misplaced. She would probably find it again, but until then, she felt naked and empty without it.

The night Rotty returned to Ketterdam, they were all eating at the Crow Club. Though Wylan, Jesper and Inej were living in Wylan’s mansion, after a few weeks they’d all grown tired of being cooped up in even the largest of houses. They were children of the streets, even Wylan, and in their own ways they all itched to have free reign of the Barrel.

After that day at the harbour, when Kaz gave Inej her boat and her parents and her future, she’d ended her self-imposed exile from his life. She’d brought Kaz back to Wylan’s home with her. Kaz had told Jesper himself that he was missed around the Slat, and Jesper seemed to have broken a self-imposed exile, too. He never went down to the Barrel on his own – Inej figured it would take Jesper a long time to trust himself alone around the gambling dens – but he would go with Wylan or Inej to shop or drink or just to roam the streets. He’d started doing some jobs with Kaz again, too. Wylan hadn’t been able to give up on his demolition talents either.

“Is it proper for a merch to work with a Barrel boss?” Inej teased that night at the Crow Club.

Wylan and Jesper had helped Kaz break into one of Pekka Rollins’ old safe houses that night. Kaz was slowly staking a claim on many of Pekka’s old haunts. Inej hadn’t told him about her trip to Pekka’s country house many nights before, but she suspected that he’d heard the rumours of Pekka running far, far away, and she thought he might know why.

“It’s not the first time a merch has worked with a Barrel boss and it won’t be the last,” Kaz said.

“Usually it’s more in terms of sharing power and money than demolitions work, though,” Wylan said.

Kaz raised a dark eyebrow. “Are you offering me power and money, merchling?”

“As if you need more power,” Jesper said. He looked around the room, which was teeming with Dregs and clients alike. Though the group was sitting at a plain table in the corner of the room, it was easy to see the way the other Dregs gave Kaz a wide berth of respect and admiration. Despite his age, Kaz had easily secured his place as leader of the Dregs. He’d been the unofficial leader for a long time, of course. It hadn’t been hard to oust Per Haskell as the figurehead.

“One can always use more power,” Kaz said, but Inej could see in the slight quirk of his lips that Jesper had flattered his ego.

It was nice to see Kaz warming up to Jesper again. Inej had hardly noticed how icy Kaz had been towards the sharpshooter during the Ice Court job and the days that followed, but now she noticed the returning warmth. Kaz hid his feelings well, but even Dirtyhands had friends, and Jesper was one of his best friends. At one time, when Inej was still becoming the Wraith and had not yet earned Kaz’s trust the way she had it today, a small part of Inej had been jealous at the closeness Kaz and Jesper shared.

She could not quite pinpoint the moment things had changed, but she suspected that at some point, Jesper had become jealous of her. Inej was glad that Jesper had Wylan now. Jesper was too good a man for Kaz’s cold callousness. She wondered what that said about her.

She didn’t get to wonder for long, though, because at that moment, Rotty entered the Crow Club and strode across the floor to their table.

Nina and Matthias followed behind him.

Inej froze, her breath knocked out of her. She felt as though she’d fallen from a tightrope, except the fall did not end. She was free-falling through endless open air, her stomach reaching up into her throat.

Inej believed that the spirits of her Saints watched over her. She’d seen Nina command corpses, and she’d spent days living in the misty depths of a graveyard.

But until now, she had never seen a ghost.

“Is that… Matthias?” Jesper asked. His voice was low and uncertain.

“It would appear our Fjerdan is not as dead as previously assumed,” Kaz said.

Inej looked over at Kaz as he stood up to greet Rotty. His face was stoic, but she could see the faint shine of perspiration on his pale skin, could see the way he leaned heavily on his cane. She knew his knuckles were white beneath the leather of his gloves.

“Rotty. You brought guests,” Kaz said, throwing out his arms in greeting as if Rotty had just brought over some drinking buddies.

“I did,” Rotty said. He looked almost as uncertain as the rest of the crew, who stared in unbridled confusion at Nina and the ghost that followed her.

And then Nina was running towards the table. She threw herself into Inej’s arms, her face flushed with excited joy.

“Inej! Kaz! All of you! It’s been less than two months and I already missed you all terribly. How will we ever go our separate ways?”

Inej returned Nina’s hug but said nothing. Everyone continued to stare. Even Kaz seemed at a loss for words.

Nina pulled away from Inej to look back at Matthias. He stood a few feet from the table, great and hulking, grim-faced as ever. He wore a simple unbloodied black tunic and pants, and he looked very much alive. Solid. Unchanged. Inej suddenly wondered if he’d been dead at all, when they’d sent him off on the makeshift sickboat weeks before.

“Well, say hello,” Nina prompted, reaching towards Matthias. “They all look like they’ve seen a ghost. You’re scaring them.”

Matthias looked as though he was restraining himself from rolling his eyes, but he gave a small smile, half defeated and half endeared, and said, “Hello. I’m not a ghost, though I suspect Nina may be if no one feeds her soon. She’s been talking about waffles for hours.”

Nina laughed, a high, clear sound, and the spell that had fallen over the table was shattered. Matthias was real, and he was alive, and everything was as it was meant to be. They had all been meant to live, and they were all alive, here and now.

Everyone fell over themselves, shouting and reaching to hug Nina and Matthias and ask them about their travels, about Ravka and Fjerda and about what had happened to Matthias and how was he alive?

Inej looked back at Kaz. He had sat back down, and he was smiling, but his forehead still shone with sweat and there was a worried tension around his eyes.

“I’ll explain everything, but first, food,” Nina declared imperiously. She sat down between Inej and Matthias and crossed her arms in front of her.

Kaz called over one of the younger Dregs to get them food, and soon they were all tearing into piles of gravy-soaked meat and biscuits. Nina ate ravenously, and Matthias ate slowly, though Matthias had never been a ravenous eater. There was something strange about Matthias, as if he had shifted just a little to the left in Inej’s perspective and she couldn’t quite bring him into focus in her mind. Maybe it was just that she had been so certain that he was dead, and now he was not.

Maybe it was something else.

Once Nina had eaten her fill and was licking gravy from her fingers, Kaz leaned towards her.

“Alright. How is Matthias Helvar alive. If this is a ruse, I would like to know how you did it, and why,” he said.

Nina leaned across the table towards Kaz, mocking his conspiratorial pose. “It wasn’t a trick,” she said. “Though if I knew a trick you didn’t know, I wouldn’t tell you for free, Kaz Brekker.”

“Fair,” he conceded.

Nina leaned back in her seat, and Inej could tell that she was enjoying this spectacle. Inej hadn’t seen Nina this vibrant and alive since before the parem.

“For several weeks, Matthias was very much dead,” Nina said.

Several weeks? Inej had heard of people being mistakenly pronounced dead and then springing back to life hours, occasionally even days, later. But weeks? A body could decay to oblivion in weeks.

“And then,” Nina said, and reached for one of Matthias’s large hands, “I brought him back to life.”

“What, just like that?” Jesper said. “How? With your powers?”

Nina nodded. “There is still a lot I don’t know about what the parem did to my powers. My connection to death is… deeper and more complicated than I ever imagined.”

“Does this mean… Could you bring anyone back to life?” Jesper asked. His voice sounded almost hushed. They were all in awe. Even Rotty, who had no doubt heard Nina’s explanation already, looked on in disbelief.

For the first time since she’d strode into the Crow Club with Matthias at her heels, Nina looked uncertain.

“Maybe,” she said finally. “I don’t know.”

“She was exhausted when she brought me back,” Matthias said. It was still alarming to hear him speak, when Inej had resigned herself to never hearing his deep, gruff voice again. “She passed out almost immediately and didn’t wake up again for nearly twelve hours. She was sweating and shaking. I was afraid she’d taken parem again.”

Inej felt her heart stutter. “You didn’t, did you?” she asked Nina desperately.

Nina shook her head firmly. “No. I didn’t have any, and even if I did, I would never use it again. I promised.”

Nina looked at Matthias as she spoke, but Inej wondered if that was true. If Nina had had parem on hand, would she have taken it to save Matthias’s life?

Inej remembered seeing Matthias die in Nina’s arms, bleeding out on the streets of Ketterdam. She remembered Nina reanimating Matthias, his dark dead eyes open as he croaked Nina’s name. She’d told Nina to let Matthias go. And Nina had, or so it had seemed.

This was different from then. Matthias was not a flat-eyed corpse, an animated puppet at Nina’s command. Inej could tell the difference. This was Matthias, alive. Nina had not let Matthias go. She had hauled him back fully into life. But something about it still felt wrong, askew. Inej did not wish this Matthias dead. Her heart swelled with joy and relief at the sight of Matthias’s living face, but she was still uncertain.

Death was inescapable, the only part of life you could trust to always be there. Nina could strip death away from life. And that was, somehow, more horrifying than stripping life away from the living.

Inej glanced over at Kaz again. He still did not look comfortable. Inej knew the look of Kaz who had fallen into his own mind, Kaz who had been taken over by dark waters. And she knew the look Kaz had when he’d climbed out of his own mind, hand over fist, breaking through the surface of whatever traumas still haunted him.

That was the look he wore now. His eyes were wilder than usual, his smile wide, teeth bared.

“What a monstrous thing,” Kaz said. Everyone turned to Kaz, wide-eyed, waiting for his judgment. “A dead thing that’s come back to life and the dark witch who made it happen. I can almost feel the death coming off of you two.”

“Kaz-” Jesper tried to interrupt, but Kaz kept talking.

“The King and Queen of Death. Your enemies will cower at your feet, I can feel it. You should accompany Inej on her ship sometimes, put the fear of death into some wretched slavers. I know I’d like to use your abilities sometime.”

Nina looked shocked, but then her face sharpened. She gave Kaz the defiant stare that only she seemed able to give him.

“Looks like you’re not the only monster in these parts now, Dirtyhands,” she said.

Kaz’s grin was wide and approving. “It’s good to have company.”

And Inej knew then that no matter what Nina had done, whether it was natural or monstrous, she and Matthias would fit right back in with the Crows. If you couldn’t beat the odds, you changed the game, even if that meant changing the game of life and death itself.

They’d all fought to survive against all odds, and what was one more monster in a city full of them?

#part 2 of me dealing w my post-crooked kingdom emotions #aka nina and matthias deserve happiness and so does everyone else #six of crows #crooked kingdom #six of crows fanfic #crooked kingdom spoilers #my writing #mine