#i think i just want to be the actual me and not this stupid neurotic prey animal im stuck as but i dont | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

minustwofingers · 1 year

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exoplanet p.3

pairing: ellie williams x fem! reader (ur a girly girl in this one!!) (she/her pronouns)

summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf

warnings: (PLEASE READ!) explicit language, violence, description of a medical procedure sans anesthesia, recreational drug use (idk how else to put it ellie gets absolutely zonked in the beginning), reader overthinks asf and is a little neurotic but that's why we love her x

a/n: hey guys! thank you so much for the wait! it's been genuinely insane how sweet and incredible all of you are. i've never felt so appreciated for my writing!! also, some notes: this chapter is heavily inspired by my last relationship. sorry if it's not as immersive bc of it! and also i don't have ANY medical knowledge so...cast a blind eye when u get to that scene

part 1

part 2

tags: @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @parkersmyth @pinkazelma

wc: 6.6k

enjoy x

“One more time.”

You gave Ellie a withering look from where you were sitting at the end of her bed.

“Please,” she said, drawing out the s. “Just once more. I promise.”

“Fine.” You rolled your eyes—a habit of hers that you were quickly picking up—and took in a deep breath. “Fuck.”

Ellie lost it, peals of laughter bouncing off the walls. “Another one. Say something else.”

“I don’t understand why you think this is so funny,” you said.

“You say it so weird.”

“I enunciate,” you clarified. “I don’t ‘sound weird’. It’s called pronouncing every letter in the word and not having a lazy mouth.”

“Please,” she gasped. “At least say bitch. You haven’t said that one yet.”

You looked her dead in the eye. “Bitch.”

If you weren’t already certain that Ellie was high out of her mind by the smell of her room and the general haze in the air, the way she howled with laughter and fell back on her bed would’ve made you entirely positive.

This was new. You’d begun to hang out with her in her room after dinner—that was normal—but when she’d knocked on your door smelling heavily of weed once you’d said goodnight to Joel, you were nothing less than shocked. Of course, she had none left for you. Which was probably good, because only a sober mind could navigate a night sitting on Ellie’s bed without doing something really, really stupid.

“I can’t believe you call me weird,” you said, tucking your feet under her and giving her a pointed look.

“You’re so lucky you didn’t grow up where I did,” Ellie said, wiping a tear away from her cheek as she tried (unsuccessfully) to rein in her giggles. “You would’ve been eaten alive, good lord.”

“What were you like as a kid?” you asked, resting your chin on your knees.

She considered for a moment, growing more somber. “Um…I don’t know if you would’ve liked me very much.”

“What do you mean? Of course I would’ve liked you.”

“No,” she said, swiping at her face so she pushed a strand of hair away. “I don’t think you would have.”

“Why not?”

“I was…” She paused, picking at her cuticles. “Back then I didn’t have anyone. I was an orphan, you know. My parents were never in the picture, so I was the only one I could count on. I was really rough around the edges and could be nasty. But I probably would’ve ignored you like I did everyone else. “

“Everyone? You didn’t have anyone? No friends at all?”

Ellie blinked, and her gaze remained fixed on her hands. “Basically, yeah. I mean, there was one girl, but that’s…I don’t want to talk about that right now, actually.”

“That’s okay,” you said, reaching forward to touch her knee. She flinched at the contact but didn’t brush you away. The image of a young, scared Ellie living somewhere alone made your chest ache. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“What were you like?” she asked, tilting her head and meeting your eyes.

“Hmmm…” Mirth crept into your tone. “What do you think?”

“What do I think?” Ellie echoed, her eyes cloudy as she thought. Then a small smirk formed on her face. “Oh god, were you one of those spoiled brats? Were you a mean girl?”

“God, no,” you said, raising your eyebrows. “Not mean.”

“Then what?”

You paused. “I was really shy, I guess. And quiet, too. I didn’t do much but read for a good 10 years of my life. I used to have awful pronunciation because I would spend more time reading than talking to anyone. But I think I would’ve liked you.”

Ellie shook her head.

“Yes,” you said. “Maybe I would’ve been a little scared of you. I probably would’ve never had the courage to talk to you. But I would’ve liked you, I think.”

“Scared of me?”

“Yeah.”

“Why? I was a kid.”

“I was mostly going off of how I felt when I actually first met you,” you said, shrugging.

She gasped theatrically. “You’re scared of me?”

“No!” you said, smacking her knee. “That’s not what I mean. You’re just really intimidating.”

“Intimidating?” She looked at you incredulously.

“You’re so tough,” you explained, feeling heat grow in your cheeks. “You seem just—I don’t know, just so capable. There’s nothing you’re too afraid to face, nothing you’re too afraid to say.”

“That’s not true,” she said lightly.

“Well, of course I’m sure there are things that you’re afraid of,” you amended. “But you hide it so well. You just seem so…fearless.”

“Hm,” Ellie said, letting her head rest against the headboard. “I think you would’ve made me a nervous wreck. If we’d met when we were kids, I mean.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “I’ve never met anyone quite like you before. You’re just so untouched.” She winced. “God, no. That sounds gross. I just mean…I dunno. I wouldn’t have known how to act around you. You haven’t had to harden up like everyone else I know.”

“Are you saying I should develop trust issues or something?” you asked, your voice a teasing lilt.

“You know,” she said, nodding seriously, “That is part of it. It was really off-putting how quickly you trusted me. But I guess that’s just a product of where you grew up.”

“Yeah,” you said softly. “I wonder how I would’ve turned out if I’d grown up like you.”

“Can I be honest?” Ellie asked.

“Sure.”

“I don’t think you’d still be here if you were me,” she said, her eyes crinkling. “No offense. You just have zero survival skills. I swear that shit has to be genetic. I’ve never met someone more averse to violence in my life.”

You sighed, pressed your hands deep into Ellie’s comforter as a thought hit you. “I think if you’d been born in my position, you would’ve been greater than anything either of us could ever dream of. Much greater than me.”

“Definitely not,” said Ellie. “There’s no fucking way I’m studying the way you apparently do. I honestly think I’d take being an orphan over the study schedule I saw in your bag.”

She was of course referencing the time table you’d roughly sketched up the morning before you’d ended up in Jackson. It was blocked to the minute, citing the study content and the location of said study session. She’d been beyond horrified to see it.

You laughed, nudging her socked food with yours.

“Is there music? In Terranova?”

“Oh,” you said, startled at the abrupt change of subject. “Uh, yeah. Of course. I listened to it all the time.”

“I used to have a Walkman,” she said, leaning back as she reminisced. She was lying flat on her back now. “It ended up breaking a while ago, but it was like my child.”

“Have you ever seen a movie before?” you asked, sitting up rigid straight as the thought occurred to you.

“Duh,” she said, giving you a weird look. “Do you think I live under a rock?”

“How many?”

“Hm.” Ellie began counting, ending on her second hand. “I think 6?”

“You’ve seen a total of 6 movies in your life?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to see more?”

She shrugged. “I mean, I guess. It’s just tough to find CDs that are still functional after so long.”

“Hold that thought,” you said, holding a finger in her direction as you stood up.

“Hey!” she called as you bolted out the door. “Where are you going?”

You came bounding back to her room in a matter of seconds, your laptop in your hands.

“What the fuck?” she said. “Isn’t that your homework thing?”

“Yes,” you said, feeling around for an outlet, “But I also have a ridiculous amount of movies downloaded on this. Our dorm wi-fi is shit and I have way too much storage on this thing, so I just download, like, every movie I’ve ever wanted to watch.”

“Your dorm what?”

You waved your hand. The last thing you wanted to do was explain to her how the 802.11 standard allowed wireless connections a few years after the outbreak. “Not important. Here, come look at this.”

Your laptop roared to light with the help of your charging cord. Quickly, you typed your password in and opened your downloads. Ellie hovered over your shoulder, squinting at the screen with confusion.

“Here,” you said, opening up the album that had everything you had seen for your entire university career and passing the laptop to Ellie. “Use the touchpad—there, yeah—to navigate. Press to click. These are all movie files that I’ve seen. We can watch them on my laptop. Some of them were filmed in Terranova, too, so they’re post-apocalypse.”

She perused the selection you had for quite some time, the glow of the screen lighting up her face against the dim room. “Okay. This one.”

And thus began a tradition. Each night after you’d finished showering and Joel retired to his room, Ellie would come knock on your door and ask if you wanted to come over. You’d talk for a while, then open your laptop and pick something out to watch. Ellie was never high after the first time, which was unsurprising considering that there definitely wasn’t a way to get any in Jackson. Where she found any the first time was still a mystery to you.

A week or so after your first patrol with Ellie, Joel had taken it upon himself to teach you how to shoot. You were surprisingly not as bad as you’d expected, but the rebound was tough to get used to, and you were still hung up over the whole “killing living things” part.

Your first patrol—first real one—came quickly, and before you knew it, Ellie was handing you the same gun you’d dropped the first time with a suspicious look.

“Don’t kill one of us with that thing,” she warned. “Be smart, okay?”

“Sure thing, boss,” you said to her, mock saluting as best you could while you were leading Japan to the mounting block.

She rolled her eyes. “Please act normal or I’ll make you carry around that glorified pocket knife instead again.”

The patrol began as usual, Ellie leading you down the same path you went last time. It was a beautiful day out, with the early spring sun filtering through the evergreen trees that populated the woods and birdsong filling the air.

Though conversations with Ellie were getting easier (given that it actually seemed like she wanted to talk to you now), you were still starstruck. Nothing that you did and nothing that you thought could get you to stop seeing her the way you did. You were routinely distracted by everything about her. It was a wonder that you could even function as a normal person around her, much less handle a weapon and a horse.

You two had nearly made the full rotation when your surroundings exploded in action.

“Fuck,” Ellie hissed as someone behind you two fired a shot that narrowly missed Shimmer.

You whipped around, gun in hand, to see two men—two normal men who weren’t infected. One held a bow, the other a gun.

The one who had fired the first shot never even stood a chance. He was down on the ground seconds after you’d seen him, Ellie’s aim taking him out before you could even ready your gun.

The second man notched an arrow and managed to draw it back and release into the air right as Ellie’s bullet struck him, sending him falling back.

“I don’t think there’s any more,” said Ellie, slightly breathless as she scanned the forest. “Sometimes outsiders pull this shit—try to kill us for our supplies. I’ve never seen them this close to the wall, though. I’ll have to tell Maria and Tommy.”

Normally, you would’ve felt up to making some sort of sarcastic comment about how that was a really unconcerning thing for her to tell you and that you actually felt so much more comfortable going on patrol knowing that there were also just run-of-the-mill people trying to kill you, but a twinge in your lower body distracted you.

Slowly, nervously, you looked down. Air immediately left your lungs.

“At least we’re done,” Ellie was saying, wiping her hands off on her thighs and slinging the gun over her shoulder. “What a crazy end for your first actual patrol, huh?”

When you didn’t answer, she turned to you and saw the arrow sticking out of your side,

“Shit,” said Ellie, jumping off Shimmer and reaching you in seconds. “Shit, shit, shit. Oh god.”

“Am I going to die?” you asked, staring starstruck at the blood escaping the outline of the arrowhead. You couldn’t feel anything anymore. Were you in shock?

“No,” said Ellie firmly. “Absolutely not. Do you need help getting off?”

Before you could answer, she was already helping you down, carefully avoiding the protruding arrow.

“Listen,” she said, back to being her unwavering self, “We’re right by the wall. I’m going to help you walk in, and then I’ll grab some supplies, okay? Don’t try to pull the arrow out. You hear me? Don’t.”

Swallowing hard, you nodded. She helped you walk the few steps to be carefully concealed by the wall, then grabbed the two horses and darted past you, making a break for Maria and Tommy’s cabin.

In a haze of confusion, you could see Maria running out, holding a box out to Ellie in exchange for the reins of the horses. Ellie said something that made Maria point towards you. She nodded, then ran back to you.

By the time that she’d reached you, the shock had begun to wear off, replaced by the stinging pain from the object that had impaled you. It was worse than anything you’d ever felt before in your life, and it took all you had not to keel over.

“Hey,” she said, reaching out to grab your face so you had to look at her. “Don’t be afraid. I’ve done this before, okay? I’m, like, the master. It’s going to be alright.”

“Done what before?” you managed to grind out.

Ellie let go of your face to dig through the box Maria had given her, producing a needle, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and what looked like a spool of thin thread.

Horror slowly trickled through you as you realized what was about to happen.

“It doesn’t look all that deep,” Ellie was saying as she examined the arrow. “So I don’t think it’s hit anything. It’s just going to be a nasty hole. I’m going to pull it out now, okay?”

You let out a strangled scream as she grasped the arrow’s end and yanked it out without warning.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Ellie repeated. She threw the arrow over her shoulder and knelt so she was hovering over you. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you gasped. You were most certainly not. You couldn’t quite get your eyes to focus, and your heart was beating out of your chest.

“Alright,” she said firmly, grasping your shoulders and pulling you up so you were slumped against the wall. “Sit up straight, alright? Also, this is going to hurt.”

At first there were just snipping sounds as she cut part of your shirt away—then something cool and wet pressed to your wound. You cried out again as a fresh white hot pain bloomed in your middle.

“I know, I know.” Ellie’s voice was consoling as she reached up to brush away the sweaty strands of hair stuck to your forehead. “Just a few more seconds.”

“Fuck—off—” you gritted out from your teeth.

Ellie’s eyebrows shot up. “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Just this once.”

She released the alcohol-saturated cotton pad, throwing it aside and fussing with the thread and needle until she was satisfied.

By the time her fingers were ghosting over your abdomen again, you couldn’t pull your eyes away from the puncture wound and the needle she was wielding.

“Don’t look,” said Ellie. “Pick something else. You don’t need to watch.”

“I hate needles,” you whispered, choosing the air over her shoulder to be your focal point.

There was a prodding at the top of your wound, and you hissed.

“I can’t say I’m a fan myself.”

Something pierced through your skin, and your midriff exploded in pain.

The edges of your sight went fuzzy, stars forming in the corners of your vision. Someone that sounded suspiciously like you cried out. Your cheek rammed up against something solid and warm.

Once the initial sting had faded, you realized that you’d slumped into Ellie, your face buried into her neck. She didn’t make any move to push you off, instead just taking one hand to brush up and down your arm with a feather light touch.

“You're fine," she said firmly. "Everything's going to be fine."

Your fingers curled around the hem of her shirt as the needle exited through the other end of your wound, pulling another whine from your throat. It was easier to not feel like you were about to pass out when you were crushed into Ellie, clinging onto her and just focusing on the way she felt against you.

“Hang on, I'm almost there,” she muttered a few stitches later. You’d quieted down, only letting out the occasional gasp as she pulled the thread through. “You're doing so well. Just one more.”

Now that you were more conscious, you had no idea how she was managing to stitch your side while you were nearly on her lap, but she continued to weave her needle through your skin, pulling it taut.

“And done,” said Ellie. You felt her take another cotton square to swipe against your skin.

You laid against her for a few more moments, panting as the shock slowly began to fade. She shifted, and for a moment you were sure that she was going to shove you away, but then the hand she’d lifted hesitantly rested on your head, her fingers parting to card through your hair.

“How did you learn how to do that?” you asked, your voice muffled from where you were pressed against her.

“Trial and error.”

Her joke was enough for you to finally let go, sitting back against the wall. Her hand slithered out of your hair, resting back in her lap.

“Shut up,” you said. “That’s awful.”

Ellie shrugged.

“I’m sorry,” you said, feeling the bumpiness of the stony wall press into your back. “I have a really low pain tolerance.”

“So I’ve noticed,” said Ellie, the side of her mouth quirking.

“I’ve never been hurt before,” you heard yourself saying. “Like, beyond the occasional splinter or bee sting or accidental scrape or ankle sprain. It’s just not something that happens.”

“Must be nice.”

You smiled sadly. “Yeah. It’s not nice being weak, though.”

Ellie looked away from you then, silent as she packed up the first-aid kit. Then: “I don’t think that’s true.”

She’d said it lightly, like it was meant to be an offhand comment, a throwaway addition that wouldn’t be remembered by either of you. But the sentiment still struck you, twisting your heart.

You were less capable because your survival had never required anything more. You were weak because you could be.

Her voice from the night she’d been high floated back to you. You haven't had to harden up like everyone else I know.

Out here, weakness was a luxury few could afford.

“Not so untouched anymore, huh?” you said, since you didn’t know how else to respond.

“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t,” quipped Ellie. “But if I were you, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. I still consider needing to be held to get 4 stitches as being soft. You haven’t changed a bit. No offense.”

Your cheeks burned bright red. “I—”

“I’m teasing,” she said before you could defend yourself. “Arrow wounds suck. I get it.”

“Right.” You turned away, keeping your gaze fixed firmly on the ground beside you. With feeling more yourself came the inevitable shame at what you’d just done. What had you been thinking, touching her like that? Grabbing onto her like that?

This was going to haunt you for the rest of your life.

“Don’t make that face,” said Ellie. “I’m sorry for saying that. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It really is fine.”

It was not fine. It would never be fine. You wanted the thugs to come back to life and finish you off, and then have the earth open up and swallow you for good measure.

Ellie probably thought of you as an overgrown child. You doubted that there was ever a point where she could see you as anything equal. If she ever knew how often she appeared in your imagination, she’d probably be disgusted.

She called you pretty a contrarian voice in your head reminded you. Don't you remember?

But maybe she hadn’t meant it. She hadn’t said it explicitly: “Y/N, I think you’re pretty.” She just hadn’t argued when you’d pointed it out. Maybe because she was being nice, or maybe because she was actually being sarcastic.

“You were really brave, okay?” said Ellie. “Your first armed confrontation and you did well.”

“I didn’t shoot anyone.”

“It could have gone worse,” said Ellie. “You could’ve accidentally shot me. Or died. And neither of those things happened, so that’s successful in my book.”

“That’s very glass half-full of you.”

“That’s me. Ever the optimist.”

You snorted.

That night, Ellie knocked on your door and asked you if you were up for another movie. You found yourself sitting on her comforter, plugging in your computer and booting it up minutes later.

Physically speaking, it had always been a little awkward to fit two people on her twin bed if they weren’t right next to each other, given that your laptop screen was a very unimpressive size. When you’d first started watching with her, Ellie would rest against the headboard, her legs stretched out in front of you while you would sit with your legs crossed, positioned sideways so you weren’t accidentally pushing her legs off.

But after the day you had had, your back was sore and your whole body ached. Sitting on something soft without any back support as you angled yourself to look at the screen was quickly proving unsustainable.

“Pause,” said Ellie about ten minutes in. You’d been watching an older sci-fi flick—Ellie’s choice.

You complied, leaning forward and pressing the spacebar. “What’s up?”

“Are you even comfortable sitting like that?”

“Yeah,” you said.

“Liar,” accused Ellie, crossing her arms over her chest. “Don’t think I don’t see you ‘discreetly’ cracking your back every 2 minutes. It’s ruining the movie.”

“Sorry,” you said, shaking your head and smiling in exasperation. “It’s from all the years I spent hunched over a textbook.”

“You know, you can sit up here,” she said, patting the space beside her. “I don’t bite.”

“Jury’s still out on that,” you said, though by the time Ellie let out a laugh you were already unfolding your legs and moving so you were next to her.

She leaned forward, grabbing the bottom half of the laptop and lifting it. “Hey, do you want a blanket?”

“Sure.”

Ellie’s other hand grabbed the edge of her comforter and held it up.

Hesitantly, you slid your legs under and watched as Ellie did the same, awkwardly holding the laptop in the air before you were both settled enough to rest it on your covered right thigh and her left. “Better?”

When you nodded, she reached her tattooed arm out and pressed play. The audio picked back up, but you couldn’t for the life of you focus on the movie.

When Ellie had asked if you’d wanted a blanket, you were expecting her to toss the throw blanket that would really only fit one person at you, not invite you to get under the blankets with her. That was significantly more intimate.

You two were sitting close enough that your sides were touching, from shoulder to thigh. You could feel her chest lift with each breath, feel the heat coming off of her.

After a while, Ellie properly laid down, taking the laptop and hoisting it up so it rested on her lower abdomen as she settled into her pillow.

You gulped, your eyes flickering between her face and the screen. Ellie’s gaze was fixed intently on the screen, her eyes half lidded with exhaustion.

You could be tired too. You weren’t, of course—your heart was racing a thousand miles an hour. But she didn’t know that. It was normal to lay down next to her, right? You’d done that with Irena more times than you could count, and it was never weird. Yeah, you could do that.

Also, if you were totally horizontal, you would stop getting distracted by the sliver of her skin that her crooked shirt showed of her chest.

In a moment of blind courage, you scooted down so your head was lying right next to Ellie’s. She didn’t seem to react, just extending her hand from under the covers to steady the laptop as it wobbled from the movement.

Her sheets smelled like the soap that you used to wash your hair—a cottony freshness that had the slightest hint of lavender.

“Are you going to fall asleep on me?” asked Ellie after a while, her voice nothing more than a whisper.

“I could ask you the same thing,” you responded, equally quiet. Then, because you hadn’t made enough rash decisions for the night, you angled your head so it rested in the space right above her shoulder.

She inhaled sharply but didn’t move. On her next exhale a piece of her auburn hair tickled your forehead.

“How’re your stitches?” she asked suddenly, like she'd just remembered.

“They’re okay. I think. As stitches go.”

“After this is over, I’ll check on them,” she said. “Don’t let me forget, okay?”

“Okay,” you whispered, suddenly feeling shy. It was one thing for her to cut off your shirt and see your skin when she was trying to save your life while you were mentally gone. It was another thing altogether to pull up your shirt without adrenaline coursing through you.

You didn’t pay any attention to the rest of the movie, instead hyperfocused on the rhythm of Ellie’s breathing and the fact that if you moved just a little your chin would be on her shoulder.

Her mention of the stitches wasn’t helping at all, either. Now all you could think about was the embarrassing way you’d basically tried to crawl under her skin, burying your face into her and clutching at her clothes like you were a child.

A part of you was disappointed that you hadn’t been more lucid at the time. If you had, you would’ve been able to clearly remember the softness of her skin against yours. You would’ve been able to enjoy it for what it was—the only time you’d be able to touch her like that.

Because you couldn’t go around just grabbing onto her shirt and getting into her lap. That was a one-off, the only time that the rules were waived. You couldn’t touch her like that now, now that you didn’t have any excuse. It wasn’t allowed.

But sometimes you wanted to so badly that it hurt.

The movie ended abruptly, wrenching you out of your thoughts.

“Hey,” whispered Ellie. “Sit up so I can see.”

Reluctantly, you pressed yourself up from your back and began rolling up the hem of your shirt. Ellie twisted to face backwards, her thin top riding up and showing part of her back as she reached for the lamp.

Once golden light returned to the room, Ellie turned back and bumped your hands away. She bent over, tilting her head so that she was looking at the stitches straight on.

They didn’t look bad, you had to admit. Though you wouldn’t consider the actual experience of getting the stitches a 5-star experience, Ellie had clearly known what she was doing. The surrounding flesh didn’t look angry or irritated, and she’d pulled the stitches just tight enough without it puckering.

She prodded at the side, then gave a satisfied nod. “Looks good. What did I tell you? I’m really good at this sort of stuff.”

“I think you would’ve made a really good doctor,” you said once she’d sat up straight again. “Under different circumstances.”

“Is this you telling me that you don’t think I’m a good doctor now?” she teased.

“Your bedside manner could use some work,” you offered.

Ellie laughed then, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest. “Yeah, yeah. You lived. You'll get over it.”

“Did you go to school?” you found yourself asking, hung up on the thought of Ellie as a potential medical student. If she’d been in one of your intro biology classes, you never would’ve been able to pay attention. That was a fantasy you could shelve away for later.

“Sort of,” said Ellie, looking down at her arms. “I went to a military prep school run by FEDRA. I didn’t graduate though—obviously. I was long gone by then.”

“Right,” you said, remembering that she’d mentioned that she’d been 14 when she’d left Boston. “And what was it like?”

She paused, opening her mouth before closing it. “It was—unkind. Joel's told me about schools before the outbreak. It was nothing like that. There were some normal classes, but most of it was meant to prepare us to be soldiers.”

“Is that where you learned how to do sutures?”

“Among other things.”

Terranova had no military academies, given that there was hardly any military presence. The founder of Terranova had bodyguards and there was a police force that controlled the borders, but it was nothing like Ellie described. With invisible borders and a social order that valued peace and tranquility over all else, there was no real danger posed to any of the citizens.

But from what you had learned from movies and books and comments from older people, you had gathered a very dim picture of what a military academy looked like—harsh, strict, and cruel.

“I’m sorry you had to grow up like that,” you said.

“It’s okay.”

“Is there anything you would want to study? If you could?”

Ellie’s eyes closed. “Yeah. There are a couple things.”

She did not elaborate.

It didn’t take long for you two to settle back into your routine of meeting in her room each evening and watching one of your downloaded movies. Following the night after you’d gotten your stitches, you wouldn’t even have to ask—Ellie would pull up her comforter and let you slide in next to her without giving you a second glance.

You’d also gotten over the fear of touching her. Now, when you flopped back so your head was on her pillow, you��d adjust until you were nestled into the crook of her neck. She never once reacted to it, remaining perfectly still unless she was adjusting the laptop or messing with the sound.

Because it was normal, of course. You and Irena would rest your head on each other’s shoulders sometimes. That was something that friends did.

One night a week or so into April, you and Ellie made a harrowing discovery: there was only one movie left in your collection that you two hadn’t seen together.

“Damn,” said Ellie, furrowing her brow. “And there’s no way to get more on here?”

“I’m afraid not,” you said, frowning. “To download more or stream one, I’d need either an Ethernet cable or a wi-fi connection. Neither of which function out here anymore without cell towers and maintained cables.”

“Right,” said Ellie, though her face told you that she didn’t understand a word that had come out of your mouth. “So—this is it?”

“Yeah.” Your finger hovered over the play button. “Savor it, I guess.”

When you settled back and into her side, the heavy weight of dread settled into your stomach. Now that you’d finished showing her your entire collection, it’s not like she’d have a reason to invite you over every night. And there was especially no reason for you two to lie so closely together unless you were both trying to watch something on a small screen.

Once again, your excuse to touch her was gone.

You pressed closer to her as your mind raced. There was no way that Ellie didn’t see what you were doing as platonic, right? Was it possible that she was creeped out by how touchy you were but just tolerated it to be nice?

Maybe. You swallowed hard, keeping your eyes fixed on the screen. Ellie didn’t see you like…like that. She spoke to you like you were an obligation, a burden. Because you always had been. You’d been a responsibility thrust on her by a father figure who felt like he was indebted to you from that stupid bag of coffee you were lucky enough to bring.

Oh, god. Had Joel told her to befriend you? Had he asked for Ellie to pretend like she enjoyed spending time with you and to put up with your privileged, soft-hearted nonsense?

The knowledge that you were spiraling wasn’t enough to stop you. You did the best that you could—tried to remind yourself that it’d been a while since she’d looked disgusted with you, recall that she was outspoken enough to tell you to fuck off if you did something she didn’t like—but it was to no avail.

Ellie reached forward and hit pause on the movie, thrusting you both into silence.

“Is everything okay?” she asked after a moment.

“Yeah, why?”

“I can feel your heart going, like, crazy fast.”

You froze. “Oh. Uh, yeah. I was just thinking.”

Ellie pushed the laptop off of her, sitting up to give you an odd look. “About a near death experience or something? You running a marathon up there? That shit’s not normal.”

You laughed nervously. “It’s really nothing. Just an, uh, suspenseful movie.”

Which was actually really stupid of you to say, because you were watching some obscure Tarkovsky film that did nothing but pan over burning buildings and pensive men. For the past 5 minutes, there had been nothing on screen but the back of a car driving through traffic with minimal sound. Also, it was in Russian, and the English subtitles made zero sense.

There was a reason why this was the last movie you chose.

“This is the most boring fucking movie I’ve ever watched in my life, so you’re a dirty fucking liar,” said Ellie. Then her face pinched in worry. “Wait. Have you taken a look at your stitches lately?”

Before you could answer, she was grabbing a flashlight off her nightstand and yanking the comforter off you. She was pulling your shirt up when you finally found your voice.

“Wait!” you said, grabbing the bottom of your shirt and yanking it back in place. “It’s not—I don’t have an infection, okay? There’s nothing wrong with me. I really was just thinking, okay?”

“About what?” She reached back to place her flashlight back on the stand without taking her eyes off you.

“It’s nothing important.”

“If you say so.”

She picked the laptop up and placed it back on her thighs, lying back down. You followed suit, but this time you didn’t touch her, opting to keep as much distance as you could so she wouldn’t hear the stuttering of your heart.

Not even 5 minutes had passed before Ellie sat up to pause the video again.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“No. Why?”

“You’re acting weird,” she accused, but there wasn’t much conviction behind her voice.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’re acting weird,” she repeated, shutting your laptop off and moving it to the bottom of her bed, despite the protests that left your lips.

“I don’t understand,” you said. “I’m just watching the movie. I’m not doing anything. “

“You’re not watching the movie,” she said. “You weren’t even looking at the screen. What’s got you so bothered? Did I do something?”

“Of course not.” You pulled your legs under you so your legs were crossed and your back was against the wall. “You don’t need to worry. It’s honestly fine. I’m sorry if I’ve done something to imply otherwise.”

Ellie rubbed the bridge of her nose, sighing. “You stress me out. You can just tell me, you know? No need to be so cagey. I promise I’ve heard worse.”

“Don’t be so quick to say that.”

“Okay, now you have to tell me,” she said. “I’m never going to know peace again with a hook like that.”

You were about to open your mouth to tell her that it was stupid and that it didn’t matter, but something stopped you.

That was the coward’s way out. That’s what you’d always done—hid your feelings and concealed your emotions. That’s how you’d been raised. That’s how you thought everyone was. But now that you’d spent 2 months in Jackson, you’d realized that some people actually just said what they thought. And that, in the grand scheme of things, it was a better system than the Terranovian culture of superficiality.

Just because the you 2 months ago would have shook her head and changed the subject didn’t mean the you now had to.

Maybe this you could be different. Maybe, for once, this you could be brave.

“I really—” You stopped yourself. Saying I really like you didn’t even begin to encompass what you felt for the girl sitting across from you. To distill the sheer magnitude of your feelings down to four words felt criminal. The swell in your chest that never went away whenever you were near her could never and would never be adequately represented in the puny offerings of the Latin alphabet and the English language, and if you were going to do this, you were going to do it right.

You dared to look up at her for a moment. She was completely still, her green eyes reflecting the dim moonlight from outside. Once you met her gaze, you couldn’t bring yourself to pull it away.

“I’m really sorry that I’m putting you in an uncomfortable position for saying this,” you began (because old habits ran deep, and you would rather die than be impolite), “And I totally understand if you don’t want to talk to me after this. And I’m sorry for not telling you earlier.”

“As much as I’m sure that this is some sort of cultural cornerstone for you, please spare me the 6 foot long disclaimer script,” Ellie drawled.

“Right.” You gulped. “Anyway. As I was saying.”

“Any day now.”

At that moment, she had never looked more perfect. Your eyes had adjusted to the dark lighting, so the weak moonlight that spilled in from the window above her created a halo around her head.

“It’s you.” Your voice came out tiny. “You’re all that I can think about, and I don’t know what to do.”

There. It was off your chest.

For a moment, it was as if you’d suspended time, stopping Earth on its axis as you both held your breaths. There was nothing but silence and the occasional wooden creak of the old house’s foundation in the wind.

Ellie’s face betrayed nothing, save for something in her eyes and the disappearance of the smirk that had been on her lips moments before.

Then she spoke, her response whispered.

“Come here, then.”

final a/n: NOW HOLD ON before you show up outside my dorm with pitchforks and torches 🗣️🗣️🗣️ i'm so sorry but this was a necessary evil as this was going to a massive scene without the chapter break. also a disproportionately massive chapter compared to the other ones coming out. i write very quickly and should get the following part out in a timeframe similar to the first 3 parts. thank u for reading ! tell me what you think abt this chapter while you wait x

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams self insert #ellie williams x oc #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams imagine

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comradekatara · 7 months

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How conscious do you think Katara of Sokka's pile of neurosis surrounding her safety, their father, or the tribe in general?

Basically, how well do you think Katara understands her brother?

[thinks about my own incredibly weird, callous, prodigious, neurotic brother] does anyone truly understand their brother?

just kidding. sort of. i mean, this is a really difficult question to answer, because as i've already stated, sokka doesn't actually understand himself. and katara doesn't really understand other people very well in general. she has a deep, presiding love for humanity that accords her warmth and nobility, but she also has a pretty rigid way of conceptualizing any sort of moral quandary (she is in the eighth grade) and often misinterprets people's motivations and subconscious desires. (very dorothea brooke core)

for example, in "the painted lady," when katara says, "oh, sokka, you really do have a heart!" she's only partially joking, right? like she genuinely doesn't understand how he can be so "cold" and callous." she doesn't understand his point of view at all, she thinks he just doesn't care. and sokka could probably do a better job of explaining his point of view, granted, but i also understand why he's given up trying to reason with her, because she does not listen to him unless they are in grave danger (at which point she forgets that he is her stupid annoying brother and places all her faith in him lol).

so we, as an attentive audience, know that sokka cares about the wellbeing of impoverished villages destroyed by the fire nation, because we remember the first couple episodes wherein he was prepared to die defending his impoverished village that was destroyed by the fire nation, and we also remember his promise to prioritize katara's safety over the war at large, so we are not surprised when he says, "you need me and i'll never turn my back on you" (the sokka thesis statement). but katara doesn't really understand how much she means to sokka, or how sokka thinks, or how sokka sees himself, or how sokka sees their father, or anything beyond what sokka is willing to show her regarding his psyche, which is ultimately very little.

and it's not katara's fault, to be clear. katara is not a bad sister for not attempting to plumb the depths of sokka's twisted mind. even if she wanted to (which, who would tbh. don't look at me) sokka does not let her. being vulnerable with her (truly vulnerable, not just "i can't make things fly around woe is me") would go against sokka's core programming. protecting katara doesn't just mean protecting her physically (dying for her, attacking anyone who hurts her even if it's aang and he really didn't mean to, etc.) but also emotionally – protecting her innocence, her naïveté, her idealism.

like he'll say shit like "optimism and wonder are cringe and you're a loser for having love in your heart," but it's still so flippant, it's clear that he doesn't consider "provoking/annoying her" and "protecting her" to be mutually exclusive (frankly, anyone who doesn't succumb to the urge to provoke their siblings is simply not human and cannot be trusted) and has no problem criticizing her when he thinks that she's wrong for whatever reason, but he also avoids being vulnerable with her and uses flippancy and deflection to mask his more honest feelings most of the time.

notice how he basically completely shuts down in "the southern raiders," how even though he is standing there the entire time katara and aang are arguing, he says exactly one sentence and lets aang say literally everything else. notice how in the pilot he calls her a freak for waterbending instead of communicating either jealousy that she can do something he can't or fear that her ability will get her killed (again, it's probably a combination of both, but does he even understand that? probably not. because he refuses to introspect). which is why "you need me and i'll never turn my back on you" or even his admission in "sokka's master" that he feels insecure about being a nonbender shocks her so much.

katara and sokka's codependency is mutual, and they love each other a lot. while sokka isn't katara's first priority and entire identity the way katara is for sokka, when sokka is spirited away in "the winter solstice," katara basically shuts down, clings to his boomerang with a blanket around her shoulders and refuses to move from the spot he was taken until he gets back, and when sokka is gone for the day in "sokka's master," she spends the whole day waiting for him to return. and like, both of these take place in the span of no longer than a single day. but as much as they love and need each other, they also do not really understand each other, or themselves.

i would say that sokka understands katara better than katara understands sokka, but sokka also just understands people better than katara does, so that's not really surprising. for example, he knows that she would not benefit from killing yon rha before katara realizes it (and unlike aang, he is not a pacifist). but he does have some blindspots, like how he doesn't understand why she wouldn't want to see hakoda in ba sing se (he interprets it as a purely selfless act, which it just isn't), but again, that's more of a daddy issues blindspot than a sister issues blindspot. they also just have very different worldviews. katara primarily cares about individuals whereas sokka primarily sees systems (with the necessary caveat that he still prioritizes his family), katara sees the best in people whereas sokka sees the worst in people, katara misses the forest for the trees whereas sokka misses the trees for the forest yada yada.

but what's important to understand fundamentally is that katara and sokka have both been dehumanized by the fn imperialist project (true of every atla character, btw) and so their lack of self-knowledge stems from the formative trauma of cultural genocide. those gaps in understanding originate from the roles they have been forced to inhabit, and since sokka's entire identity revolves around what he can and must sacrifice for katara, it's understandable that katara would be unable to acknowledge or even recognize that.

and then again, even beyond the inherent tragedy of their situation, no fourteen year old little sister really understands the neuroses and contradictions and lamentations of her older brother. even if he wore his heart on his sleeve she wouldn't understand him, because katara does encounter plenty of people who are far more obvious about their intentions and she doesn't really understand them either. but she means well. and that's what matters <3

#the-wright #asks #katara&sokka #katara #sokka #analysis #i think the person who understands sokka the best is toph actually #at least by the end of the show #god i love katara so much #calling her dorothea brooke core made me rly emotional? lol #like she doesnt really understand but it doesnt matter because she loves she so deeply and cares so much!!!!#her enduring faith and love and sense of justice for her fellow man........ oh boy :'')#also i have a post in my drafts that i never published bc i still havent really figured out how to phrase it #about how when katara is mean to sokka she thinks she is 'punching up' in the same way zuko treats azula #i have a lot of drafts...#anyway. theyre insane or whatever

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eddo-tensei · 7 months

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"YOU JUST WANT HER TO STAY THE SAME!" - A short essay on the misconception of why people wanted Chloe to be redeemed.

Interpretations are important when it comes to understanding media and despite what some people may say, there's never "one true interpretation" of a piece of media. At this point, it's been at least a couple months since the fifth season of Miraculous had ended and it's been at least a month less than that since the movie had premiered. In both cases, even though she just barely qualifies as being a main character in the franchise, Chloe had become a hot topic in both iterations. In the show, she started out as your stock mean girl archetype, started to gain some depth in Seasons 2 and 3, and then suddenly nose-dived into being the resident Hate Sink come Season 4 and onwards while any bit of depth she had was stripped away from her. In the movie, she started out as relatively the same as she did in the show, but what's interesting is how her progression in the movie was handled in that there barely was any progression for her in either path. There wasn't a path of redemption written for her, but she wasn't thrown into the Hate Sink like what the latter half of the show did with her. In fact, even though the movie gave her an extremely petty motivation to bully Marinette, she's somehow better than how the show depicted her because she actually has a motivation, albeit a petty one, and yet she's somehow shown to be less of a monstrous psychopath that the show tried desperately to make her out to be. Granted, I do feel like something is lost with Zag retconning out most of Chloe and Adrien's past friendship, but the rest of the writing for Movie Adrien more than made up for that because Adrien actually feels like his own character instead of someone morphed into an accessory for Marinette. Same goes for Movie Marinette for that matter because even though they don't have a backstory together, Chloe's bullying of Marinette actually holds weight and Marinette felt more like a genuine introvert than the neurotically creepy mess she was in the show and to whom the writers spent the last season desperately attempting to justify the questionable actions of. All that said, the movie did a lot of right in terms of characterization and while Chloe, Nino, and Alya had reduced roles, they were still written pretty nicely and I hope to see this version of these characters again should Zag pen another sequel.

Even so, it led me to think about something that's been bothering me concerning Chloe and the discourse surrounding her. Even now, especially after how the fifth season's finale played out, the debate for whether or not Chloe should've been redeemed is still ongoing and it's very clear that the show had only served to strengthen those who said she never deserved to be redeemed to begin with. While there's a lot to debate over this, I do feel like there's one particular idea among those who are against a redemption for Chloe that's just completely wrong and deserves to be called out. Namely, a lot of people who argue against Chloe being redeemed seem to have this assumption that those who do want that are defending all of Chloe's actions or worse, that those who are pro-redemption actually just want Chloe to remain the same character-wise while she gets to be a hero again. Honestly, it's baffling that people would believe that Chloe fans who wish for a redemption just want Chloe to remain the same bully she always was even though that is literally the opposite of what most Chloe fans want and completely goes against the point of her having a redemption arc to begin with.

Now the reason I said this is the opposite of what MOST Chloe fans want is because there are indeed some fans of Chloe who do think she did nothing wrong and that she should be given the hero spot because Marinette is just being stupid. These fans usually come from people who get most of their ideas for Miraculous from watching goons like CyrusLovesOwlCity and to put it simply, these people are wrong and should not be taken seriously. Frankly, they're no different from any Marinette stan or Adrien stan who argue until they're blue in the face about how their respective characters did nothing wrong while violently salting any other character, including each other, that did something even slightly negative to their favorites. Those people do not deserve to be allowed in any polite conversation involving Miraculous regardless of which character they do it for.

In any case, despite what people might think, a lot of Chloe fans do want to see her change and stop being a bully. They want to actually watch her learn that what she's doing is wrong and thus improve herself. Of course, the showrunners seem to vehemently disagree with the concept of her ever becoming better and actively shoot down any possible hint of that happening. People will argue that there were never any hints to begin with and that Chloe fans are just being delusional, but that's where interpretations come in. While one could easily just say that Chloe is just impossible to redeem and one can even dive deep to even find reasons as to why that is, people can also look deep enough to find reasons as to why Chloe CAN be redeemed. While there's no true evidence that Chloe had a hidden heart of gold, there is evidence to show that she's much more sensitive and insecure than she lets on, primarily seen in any episode where Audrey is a primary character. Moreover, while Chloe is more of an overt bully in the movies, the scene of the ball towards the end of the movie does indicate that while Chloe still has a front, she does respect Marinette to an extent to the point of allowing her to dance with Adrien. This latter scene does seem to lean more into what Chloe fans actually want in that even though she is a bully, she's also starting to grow and it does seem like there's hope that she could get out of that role instead of just getting worse and being treated as a worse person than someone who attempted genocide and someone who wanted to erase reality.

With all that said, I feel like one more thing that needs to be addressed is that some people seem to believe that Chloe fans only complain about the show's writing when Chloe looks bad. While it may seem like cope, when people are complaining about it for multiple characters that arguably span the entire show, I don't think they're just complaining because one character is written in a bad light. Kagami, Nino, and Alya are just some of the other characters that come to mind when talking about how bad the writing is and of course, when Marinette and Adrien get their awful moments, a lot of their fans seem quick to jump to bringing up "bad writing" as a complaint as well with them often rewriting these characters to fit how they themselves view them. Frankly, if those fans are allowed to just create their own versions of these characters, I don't see why Chloe fans shouldn't be granted that same luxury for Chloe herself.

Overall, while the future of the show is uncertain, it's clear that Chloe's fandom is never going to truly disappear no matter how much people try to make that happen. All that said, you shouldn't just assume that a Chloe fan just wants her to get away with everything and be treated as a hero without having to change. Ultimately, you shouldn't just accuse a fan of Chloe of defending all of her bad actions just because they want her to be better. Save that negative energy for the people who unironically say that she did nothing wrong and then actively salt other characters for her. This is a lot to write, but I really wanted to get my thoughts out there and hopefully clear some things up.

Also, people who say that Marinette is somehow the true bully do not belong in the Miraculous fandom. Simple as.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #mlb #ml writers salt #ml salt #chloe bourgeois #mlb chloe #chloe bourgeois sugar #chloe bourgeois salt #miraculous awakening #ladybug and chat noir #ladybug and chat noir the movie

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thekimspoblog · 2 months

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FotD 1:

@joshgoodman: Thinking of some ideas currently; I've had this one circling my head. Somehow kim and Jim find themselves camping out like the kettlemans did (without the stolen money) to avoid being found by (insert threat here). Iris and fille are around 8 and 6 respectively

Me: That'd be cute! Fighting with trying to set up the tent, Kim would probably do most of it; Jimmy's threatening to slip a disk. Fille keeps asking what the hell we're actually doing out here. Iris tells her not to ask stupid questions.

"Iris, don't call your sister stupid"

"I'm not! I said her question was! There's a difference!"

Did they bring any food?

Me: In my timeline, one of the main tragic things is how this life weighs on Kim's sanity. She never really got over the trauma of the cartel following her back in '04, that's when the sheepdog dreams started; that's when she started believing in God, simply because she felt like someone or something was watching her and plotting against her at all times. Especially after Jimmy dies, paranoia really starts to consume her. She becomes a powerful mob boss nearing the end of her life, but no amount of security measures bring her peace of mind. Once Jimmy's out of the picture, things start to get a little Howard Hughes.

But yeah, even while he's around, he is sometimes worried she's getting neurotic, but it's not like he can't empathize; he never stopped looking over his shoulder either. Out here in the woods, every rustle in the grass could be a mountain lion or worse.

Him: They brought enough food for a week, but then they'd have to catch and cook their own. Which Jimmy might have an issue with. I think a mountain lion would be the least of their worries, it can be scared away; a cartel member with a gun/intent to hurt kim/her family isn't as easily scared away.

Me: Why do you think Jimmy would have a problem? Just not very good at hunting/fishing?

Kim considered taking a gun, but they both decided it would create more problems than it would solve. Even if Fille or Iris don't play with it, firing off a wild shot into the bushes could be a really bad idea; they're hiding from the law on fraud/extortion/other non violent charges. If she accidentally shot a cop who was coming to arrest them, now they're both back to looking at life. Not losing custody is always the top priority.

Even killing a "Made" man/woman would just incite retaliation. If the mafia kills them, best to just pray they'll spare the kids. Starting a shoot out would just be loud and dangerous.

I guess if they really believed the kids were in danger, they would have to give them up and leave them with someone, but thankfully it's never come to that.

Him: Based off of Jimmy's character, I'd think he'd have a terrible time hunting and fishing, yea. Also, he might have an issue with killing the animal he's able to retrieve.

I think kim would settle for a bow? Not sure if she has an archery background; iris would LOVE that. Fille could care less. But who would they leave them with, is the question? Mike is dead, so is dawson. The church is questionable

Me: I don't think Jimmy would have a problem killing an animal. He might be squeamish, but he was never a pacifist or vegetarian.

Highly doubt they would have thought to bring archery supplies. If they run out of food, they should just head back into town.

And when all else fails, they always have the option to call a social worker themselves. They REALLY don't want to do that, they've been trying to keep the kids safe off the grid. But nothing is worth endangering their lives. Even Fille would be unhappy in that arrangement.

Pretty sure "My parents only abandoned me because they're traveling con artists. But they promised they were coming back once the mob boss is dead" is foster home for "please beat me up for telling such outrageous lies".

Iris would look out for Fille, but who's looking out for poor Iris? In the eyes of any conformist parent or teacher, Iris would be labeled a troubled child with behavioral issues. Even if their foster parents accepted their queerness, and that's a big if, nobody's going to listen to their indoctrination about the reasons shoplifting is a public good. Probably end up getting put on Ritalin or some shit.

Still, as long as Iris knew where they came from, why they feel this way all the time,they could at least try to fit in. In the timeline where Iris was born in 2005 and Kim gave them up out of guilt for what happened to Howard, Iris's life was terrible; just grew up confused and angry. Tarzan might not know what a human is, but he would still know he wasn't an ape. Kim saw these futures; even aborting them would be less cruel than leaving them to be raised by someone else. Iris needed their parents; they were the only ones who understood, the only ones who could shape this overgrown hedge of wild energy into a countercultural topiary. No matter what other childhood trauma they absorbed, the worst thing you could ever do is leave them without direction or purpose.

Him: Squeamish, that's the word I was looking for. But if it comes to survival, what wouldn't he do for his family?

Him: I wonder if the social worker would be an option? Kim wouldn't want to put the kids through that, they would find the best option one way or another.

Ah yes, Ritalin. Or as I like to call it, the zombie drug. That shit doesn't work and fuck any doctor who puts kids on it

Me: No matter what happens, at least Iris and Fille have eachother. It's not that Fille can't feel that Wexler-McGill blood in their veins; Fille is different from Iris by choice, not nature. But as the youngest in the family, as the last one always in pool when it comes to mischief, she can see how recklessness never leads to anything good.

Fille is better at pretending to be a "good kid" but she'd still feel deeply alone without her big sibling.

If she was left alone, Fille would probably be a troublemaker too. She's only such a square and a goody-goody because that's the only way she could have rebelled in a family of rebels.

Him: Ah, so fille chooses to be a goody two shoes because that's not what people expect when they see that family.

I don't think they would be apart for long, even separated by the foster care system if it came to that. Those two would always find a way back to each other

Me: Main problem is Jimmy and Kim don't want to admit failure a first time, because CPS is going to be breathing down their neck from then onward. For some reason, as long as the kids are biologically yours, most bizarre parenting choices are accepted as long as the government hasn't already labeled you a bad mother.

When Love Quinn was brought back by Dolores, the thing she wanted most was to see Henry again. But Dante and Lansing are good dads, and showing up in Henry's life now would just upset and confuse him. Admitting that she deserved to lose custody of her son was the hardest thing she's had to do, but it's for the best to just move on, try to be better moving forward.

Him: Do Love and Henry ever reunite? Or are those days behind them?

Me: Probably when Henry is older.

Iris probably would ask for archery lessons after reading the Hunger Games. Iris was always outdoorsy, but this probably is just a phase.

Him: What kind of phase would fille go through, if you had to guess?

Me: Well both siblings do have an interest in music. Iris learned to play the guitar from Jimmy; Fille would probably go ahead and find herself a piano teacher.

Him: I feel like iris would also take an interest in drums, maybe?

Me: Sounds about right.

I mean Jimmy and Kim want to encourage their hobbies. This is what the money is for.

Him: Iris would take an interest in archery, drums, and guitar while fille does piano, and maybe...swimming?

Me: Yes Fille loves the ocean. Probably cus of that goldfish soul.

Him: Ooh! Kayaking!

Me: I think Iris would be more into motor boats

Him: Boats are fun. Maybe they could take a vacation to the great lakes/some type of beach.

FotD 2:

Me: I guess yesterday I was also thinking about them making a big score, and then taking the kids shopping for new clothes. The kids complain, but it's still fun dressing them up like little dolls.

Him: I didn't think iris would go for that? Maybe fille

Me: Well Iris has always loved dress up, but plain clothes shopping is always a little boring for kids.

Me: Kim saying "Try this one on. It's a little bit big but you'll grow into it... hmm no; that's actually too big, you'll be tripping and face planting all over"

Me: But yes, those two love shopping for the family. I mean Jimmy and Kim have been eachothers gay best friend stereotypes since all the way back to law school, but the last time they actually spent a substantial amount of money like this was a few years ago at Babies-R-Us. Since leaving the church, it's mostly been consignment shops. Nothing fancy that wasn't secondhand.

Which is why they want to get each of the four of them a new outfit that will last for next few years

Him: I don't think jim + kim would contribute to chains if they didn't have to. Always choosing places like goodwill over walmart

Me: Nah they'd still go somewhere nice. Kim's love for shiny things outweighs her communist sympathies.

She wants to pretend she's not materialistic, but low-maintenance bitches don't drink thousand dollar tequila or wear real gold.

I mean Goodwill is fine and all, but this is Prada man! She's only human!

Honestly Kim's hypocrisy with how she identifies with class I think is a really interesting facet of her personality.

This is why wealth redistribution campaigns always fail: first of all, in order to adequately navigate the upper class, the revolutionary already typically needs a middle class education or better. And second, even if an army does manage to steal from the rich, the leader finds it hard to actually give those winnings to the poor instead of just pocketing it. Kim hates rich people... except for herself; that person is a lucid and benevolent matriarch who DESERVES to be managing the money!

#FotD #mcwexler parenthood au #slippin kimmy

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charlieconwayy · 8 months

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why jay/leia is the intended endgame: an unnecessarily long post

the very obvious answer to this is the whole legacy argument. who didn't know when the character descriptions dropped that those two would be a couple just for the whole "haha the kelsos are still driving the forman women crazy" joke? (which they haven't even made yet, which also makes me think we have in no way seen the last of them. we are DEFINITELY getting an eric freakout) kelso was a joke character nearly his entire stint on t70s. they never portrayed him as a good bf or caring ab . . . well anything other than sex, and then eventually betsy (trans!jay kelso theory?). jay, however, they make a big point of showing/saying that he is not like his dad. there is an entire episode dedicated to red realizing that jay is a good boy and that is not kelso just bc he is a kelso.

this is the jay defining moment for me. i think if they had cast a lesser actor than mace this could've come off as 'haha jay trying to get into leia's pants' but mace delivered it so genuinely and sincerely that it is very clear to me that leia is not going to be someone that jay gets over easily. he's this "reformed playboy," yet we never see him be anything less than a gentleman to leia. i am pointing out this line in particular bc of it's OBVIOUS parallel to eric saying that he needed to go to africa so that he can deserve donna.

i have trauma from the gmw fandom debating to death who the corpanga was supposed to be (as if that was a good thing lmfao) but there is literally no debate that jay/leia is the new donna/eric. jay is the cool hot love interest who centers the neurotic dorky protagonist. plus, i mean, the car scene within the first three episodes? be so serious here.

the show spent sooooo much time on jay and it would be so weird to me if they suddenly were just like "actually nate is the male lead now!" i think he probably got the least amount of screentime of any of the kids.

i know the showrunner came out and said leia needed to find a ~deep connection not built on lust~ and that's where nate came in. i do agree with that to an extent, but nate/leia is clearly just to throw off the viewers. also, nate is the kelso archetype more than jay is, lbr. (i could do an entirely separate blog post on that). yes, nate and leia connected. they were able to confide in each other about their relationship issues. does that mean there's romantic chemistry there? no. it just means that they were there for each other in an important moment.

is a big proponent of leia/jay's relationship built on lust? i would argue moreso on leia's side than jay's, but also, leia didn't like jay bc of his looks. she liked him because he made her feel special and treated her with respect. she liked the kind, sensitive part of him. it was only once they had that moment where she began to ~lust after him. and for anyone to argue that jay's feelings for leia are lust related is fucking stupid because

like jay could get any girl he wants canonically. he likes leia for leia. he likes her for all of her little quirks and flaws. plus there is ANOTHER episode dedicated to her feeling she needs to put out and him saying he only wants what she is comfortable with. c'mon man.

this is not some lust related fling that was built on nothing but mutual attraction. i'm not gonna act like their convos ever get super deep or anything (mainly because we only got ten episodes in season one), but nate/leia rly didn't either. like. they were both just upset about jay and nikki. and then they almost kissed.

are nate and leia probably going to be a focus in season two? oh, for sure. but the obvious endgame is jay and leia.

like be so for real.

i could also talk about the difference in her expressions here for hours but i'll just leave all of this here.

#jay x leia #that 90s show #meta

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prydainroyals · 7 months

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((Trigger warning for a gaslighty, neurotic bitch.))

"Alice. Alice and Arthur," George interrupted.

"What?"

"The twins are named Alice and Arthur," repeated the King, greatly annoyed.

"What does that have to do with aything? Honestly, you're more fun when you're drunk," Gwyneth scoffed.

George gritted his teeth.

"Why are we having this meeting, Mother?" he asked through them.

Gwyneth heaved a dramatic sigh as though she weren't the one playing stupid, neurotic games, and folded her arms in that infuriatingly defensive and insecure way of hers.

"You don't need to be testy," she huffed. "As I was saying, before you interrupted me," she went on, adding a bit of simper to her voice that grated on George's nerves like nails on a chalkboard, "Alicia intends to plan a dinner for Little Artie's return."

Silence drifted suddenly between them until George deigned to peer up at his mother through tired eyes.

"Well? Go on then," he told her.

"I was just waiting to see if you were listening!" came her haughty reply--George's temper nearly broke but he held firm, and simply ground his teeth in seething silence.

"Anyway, I want you not to do it," Gwyneth commanded suddenly, again, as if she weren't the one playing stupid little games, changing subjects and wasting George's time. "Only Little Princes who behave get rewards,~" Gwyneth touted like some sort of cruel and petty mantra.

It was one George had heard hundreds of times before during his own childhood.

His head continued to pound, light and sound breached his senses like spears, and he ground his teeth so hard he thought they might fall out any minute.

Both Arthur and Alice's words had been buzzing around his head as of late. He couldn't stop thinking about them, or that he had just spent Longest Night without his sons, both he... he did miss dearly, and one of whom was still actually alive.

George pulled in a long and shaking breath, inhaling deeply:

"--No."

"... I beg your pardon?" Gwyneth snapped.

Still looking at his shoes like the coward George felt he was, he soldiered on.

"I did not stutter, Mother," George toned with the sort of timbre of someone whose patience has long since run out, but to whom decorum still mattered just a little bit.

"Yesterday, Alice asked my permission to set up the engagement in honor of her brother, and I am due to give her my answer this morning."

"You'd better let her down lightly, then!" Gwyneth threatened airily.

"I will grant Alice permission and resources," George spat, "and I will publicly support MY her, His Royal Highness, Crown Prince Arthur. Not Little Artie, Mother, but Arthur. A-R-T-H-U-R," the King spelled out plainly and loudly in as pig-headed a manner as he could manage.

"I know how Arthur is spelled!" Gwyneth scoffed defensively, but before she could begin another scolding, George intercepted her again:

"Good! Then say his name correctly, Mother!" the King glared upward at her, his voice loud and taut with all the building tension within him cresting unbearably.

"Now if you will excuse me--My daughter and I have a dinner to plan. You are dismissed."

"Georgie--"

"Get. OUT!!" roared the King, loudly enough that even Gwyneth obeyed.

---

Y I K E S. This was a bit painful to write. I think most of us know someone like this.

- - -

PREV | BEGINNING | NEXT

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#c: george x #c: gwyneth #atff: story

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shopcat · 1 year

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i've definitely said this before but no harm in repeating like i think... beyond what the writers intend or what they're actually attempting to aim for (if anything) i can see the stupid steve nancy "love triangle" Thing in many entirely reasonable lights and not one of them end in it actually being a love triangle. it's not a love triangle. and MAYBE!!!! i'm just tired of the steve haters of the world being like "season 4 steve sucks he's just so into nancy" FUCK OFF!!!! MAYBE YOU TRY AND HANG AROUND YOUR EX IN A STRESSFUL SITUATION AND SEE HOW YOU COPE. BITCH. anyway i think it's a testament to um character empathy and a love for their part in their narrative to view things not only kindly but ... logically and not just dismiss what could be happening either out of like panic or despair bc that's just not as fun at the end of the day and i am maybe naively hopeful. and instead it's just SO easy to contextualise and a story is only what it's telling YOU etc etc.

like how okay to me the 6 little nuggets speech coalesces all at once like, 1. steve and nancy got together in a period of their lives where the only problem in their lives was meant to be like. which college they're getting into. to each other they represent the like literal halcyon days of normalcy in an incredibly depressing twist on it where the nostalgic times they wish they could go back to was just Average Life. just Highschool. with the knowledge monsters don't exist and their friends aren't dead. in the continued battering ram of the upside down's particular brand of trauma year in and out wearing them down i think being around each other will always bring out that part of themselves that remembers what it was like When They Were Happy and i think the entire reason they seemed to revert so much to their roots this season in those little glimpses we see is because of this and this particular like, go of it the stakes were higher and their involvement was far more concentrated so um. when every move you make has weight it's not CRAZY that he wanted to let a little bit of it off and i think he sees nancy as this shining beacon of What Once Was, so YEAH in the fucking throes of the beginning of the apocalypse he latched onto her again a little. entirely understandable and not a VILLAINOUS TRAIT on either of their parts

this goes hand in hand with 2. steve himself is a notoriously avoidant incredibly actually NEUROTIC person. he wants SO badly to just cling on to what he once had he will unintentionally dig his nails in to it and we see this a LOT in the context of nancy especially during season one and like the first half of season two. he wants to Let The Bad Things Go and just go to the movies and be a couple normal kids again. whenever the upside down rears it's head again he doesn't react with like, preparedness or even fear he just goes straight to NO NO NO NO NO which is like. literally. but it's because he doesn't WANT to deal with it like at All. and i find that actually interesting juxtaposed with how nancy actively seeks out and cannot let the upside down go... maybe for what it did to her or maybe because she just feels she has to. who else is going to. and the initial reason she even bonded with jonathan or if you like to think so developed proper feelings for him is because jonathan ALSO sought it out. the upside down is a mystery to them that they want to solve and the upside down is a PROBLEM to get away from for steve and i think this is significant. so i think them experiencing something that feels bigger than it ever has in a context where it's all on them and where the kids they're taking care of are in genuine danger as well as themselves, coming right off the back of having to ESCAPE the dimensional hell they were this time not even metaphorically dragged into it's totally reasonable to look at one another and go GOD. it was so simple with you!!!!!

and while also 3. the speech itself was ... a death speech to be later quoted and reminisced upon a la "but you need to go on your rv trip!!! you can't die here!!!" and he'll go "you idiot... the six little nuggets were you guys all along" and 4. within the Literal speech itself he SAID the kids were "practice" and it was probably only ever intended to be a way to show his genuine connection to them and was never meant to be taken quite so literally as "i actually want 6 real life children that you my future wife will birth", it's also tied into 5. i am so fucking scared right now. and we used to be in love. and you're sitting next to me while my throat hurts from the ligature wounds given to me by a monster and you appreciate how i also represent a sense of typicality and grounded preparedness that you sometimes feel you need. and you're also scared. and i want to be normal and i want to be happy and i want us to be safe in the end and i want something to look forward to. and it's the simplest thing on earth -> i want to get the FUCK out of here. but we can't get the fuck out of here because we're driving towards our doom and i'm the one in the driver's seat. and i'm scared. and i want to say it because if i don't say it no one else is going to know. and she says that sounds nice because it sounds nice...

and finally 6. i think steve is like. mourning. i think he's looking at her and going i loved you once and i miss it but, integrally, it's past the point of return. we've grown and we've changed and maybe you're finally realising how much and she is so important to him and he loved her and he LOVES her but he doesn't Love her. she is the reason his life changed and maybe he never got to put to rest that he could never go back to the way it once was but he doesn't WANT to go back and he's SAYING this. he's going thank GOD you gave me the bump on the head and woke me up because i feel like i'm finally moving forwards now and i wish it could be normal but it can't and thank god for that. i am so scared of change but knowing you is what changed me and i am so happy for it. she introduced him to it all through one way or another and he never once even considered that a bad thing (though i do think he doesn't give himself enough credit etc etc). their talk in the woods before it is SO important to me because he's saying Thank you. and he's saying GOODBYE!!! he's saying yeah the person i picture next to me in this pipe dream is you because in a way it probably always will be you and because it Was always you back then. but i don't want to marry you. i want a place to settle down and have some kids even metaphorical and i know YOU don't want that. it's an acknowledgement of how much they've changed it's a conversation behind the conversation of looking into someone's eyes and telling them what you want and knowing they don't want the same and letting go of what once was even though like YEAH it's not the end of the world if there's still some sort of stirred up feelings. but it's not a love confession and it's not a man desperately trying to cling onto his ex while she (grown woman that she is) sits there and smiles at him for it and therefore turns her into a doormat and him into a creep or whatever the fuck the braindead masses are squawking about...

AND THAT IS THE REAL 6 LITTLE NUGGETS!!!! also i think to reduce two great characters independently to who they are To Each other is a disservice and there is no hidden plot within the plot dedicated to their romance in any deliberate way imo. or whatever. steve is not just Nancy's Ex and nancy is not just one half of a love interest bouncing back and forth in the worlds most tired misogyny ping pong of steve v jonathan. i think all the stuff this season it's the show's way of letting us see that nancy can see how much he's developed as a person and how even after all the hard work he himself put in for it and it's his own genuine kindness and literal body he puts in the line he still believes it's all because of her and he's grateful and while i have Low Hope i also must also have Hope that it will end... kindly. they both deserve an Ending and not just a massacre of characterisation.

#🍦#sts #also i hate how in s3 he . it was about him moving on from her. away from her. over her. and she was too. and then. Season 4.....#but it's fine... like i said.... there's reasons....#sometimes the narrative isn't 1 2 3 sometimes it's 1a 1b two L xyz 2 End

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transenbyconfessions · 1 year

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I'm AFAB/NB/Bisexual and recently met a wonderful, lovely woman whom I am attracted to and care deeply about and we converse nearly every day online and have become very close friends. Today, I finally got up the courage to tell her I felt attracted to her as well and had those feelings returned without any difficulty. I should be so happy, only…suddenly all the barriers I've been able to erect to make my dysphoria livable are crashing down around me and I feel like I'm falling apart. Now I suddenly find myself feeling humiliated, frightened, inadequate, and even physically ill at the thought of actually having sex with a woman as myself, rather than as the masculine construct I feel at home with in my own mind. I realize too late that on some level I'm terrified of intimacy, and I can't even believe it took me this long to realize how badly my dysphoria has impacted my life, even when I've spent years closing my eyes during sex with my husband (who knows about this woman and doesn't mind), even when I've been too shy to initiate after a decade together, even when nearly all my fantasies involve two men together, or a man with a woman, where I don't identify with the woman or at the very least where I'm disembodied in some way. As this all hits me at once, I feel like I can't stand the thought of my body lacking a penis trying to be intimate with her, my voice that's a bit too high saying sexual things to her, my stupid lack of confidence somehow proving that for all my aspirations of being more dominant, I don't have any real masculinity at all and I'll never feel attractive and desirable even though I'm not an ugly or gross looking person. My insecurity will never go away even though she thinks I'm wonderful and wants me unambiguously. I feel like I'll always be trapped as mousy *girl* just trying to pretend to be something everyone can see I'm not. I have been crying on and off for hours and now I just wish I had never told her how I felt, and now I'm also afraid that I'll never be able to get back to that happy, secure, masculine feeling I had in my head and maybe now I've ever ruined a wonderful friendship with my own psychodrama and she'll soon see just how pathetic I am because it's too late for me to back out or play it off and I can't pretend this never happened. Why does it have to hurt like this? Why do I have feel so defeated like I just want to run and hide or disappear off this stupid, cringe earth? Why can't I just be happy in my imagination or ever? Is it even because I'm trans or is it mostly because I'm neurotic and fated to be miserable? I just want to take it all back and feel halfway comfortable again and I can't. Goddamn it.

#trans #transgender #nonbinary #non binary #non-binary #nb #enby #gender dysphoria #dysphoria #dating #relationships #transmasculine #transmasc

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mangora · 2 years

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Remake of my TD coffee shop orders post with ALL the characters bc I am bugging rn

GEN ONE:

Ezekiel: He drinks plain coffee, possibly with cream and sugar, just bc it’s how he grew up

Eva: If a protein shake is available, I mean obviously she’s taking that, but under regular coffee shop constraints I think she’d do a black coffee, MAYBE a coffee with milk on special occasions. I don’t think she cares about the taste she just wants the energy boost

Noah: I’m kinda conflicted. Bc I think he’d make fun of high-sugar and froofy drinks, but also I think he’d be too self aware to drink black coffee to look cool and he needs the adhd sugar serotonin boost. Maybe I’d go middle ground, have him drink a latte or a mocha. I think he tries to narrowly avoid coffee discourse but just narrowly

Justin: He loves stupid fancy high-detail drinks. He is the fucking joke about the guy who asks you to heat his milk to a certain degree Celsius. He drinks Virgin Irish coffee with nonfat gelato and splenda. Whipped cream towers and wafer straws. I fucking hate this guy

Katie: She likes PSLs and owns it. Go girlboss. And Frappuccinos, if it’s full of sugar she loves it.

Tyler: He doesn’t like coffee, tries to drink skinny lattes or hot espresso and hates them both. He also hates protein shakes. Medicine teas? So bad but he tries. You know what he likes? He likes fruit smoothies and juices. It’s his secret jam. He’s bisexual

Izzy: Redbull, she will not drink any normal liquid, it’s this or monster or like a cosmopolitan at 9am. You take her to a coffee shop? “Yeah can I get a cup of syrup?” They have a primal urge to just, destroy their body. She’s playing chicken with God. Also, hot dog water

Cody: He likes chocolate milk, I feel like this ones obvious, he would cry and shit his pants if he had to drink real coffee

Beth: Also not a big coffee girl, I think even a frappe would be much for her. She’s a juice drinker. Maybe a smoothie drinker? But I think she’d be happiest with like an orange or apple juice box

Sadie: Obviously a Frappuccino or fancy latte like Katie, twinsies, etc. but I do think she’d be insecure about ordering one without Katie

Courtney: Soy milk macchiato, or like an espresso or red eye with a dash of soy milk. Whatever, lots of coffee and a little soy milk so she can technically claim she’s not a neurotic coffee addict. She would just do crack if she was a little more deranged

Harold: He likes those fucking anime sodas those piss me off for no reason. But fr do I think he’d be a coffee snob and order like a “piccolo latte” at a Dutch Bros. Leshawna almost kills him for it. Duncan does kill him for it

Trent: Hot take: Trent’s a tea guy. He likes white or green, maybe with some nut or oat milk. I would say matcha but honestly i feel like it would be too heavy for him. He’s not a drink girlie he just likes water usually but if he sees a good tea shop, he’s like “ah what the hell”

Bridgette: She would be a refresher or iced fruit tea enjoyer. Especially like cistrusy drinks. Maybe, on like holidays, every other leap year, she would get oat milk or soy milk with like a half shot of espresso

Lindsay: Nonfat caramel macchiato, maybe blended with ice. She likes basic sweet coffee drinks and you know what? She deserves it

DJ: I think he’d be a big juice guy, especially like green juices. I could see him getting a latte or cappuccino with, say it with me everyone, plant milk, but idk. I don’t think he’s super picky

Geoff: Once again I don’t think he’s picky, but I do think he’d be a day drinker, like he’d order a Long Island iced tea in the morning with a fake ID or he’d pour vodka into a latte. I could also see him ordering a frappe or maybe even an egg coffee.

Leshawna: HOT TAKE: I think she’d really like an affogato. It’s creamy, it’s sweet, and she deserves a treat with a bit of a kick

Duncan: This will be a theme in here: he pretends to like black coffee but doesn’t. At least, it’s not his favorite. He’s actually more fond of sweet cold brews.

Heather: I know Duncan had his “double caramel macchiato” line but I personally think Heather would like French Vanilla coffee, AND she’s a bean snob. She needs a rich ass ristretto made from good beans, she can taste bean quality. Like honestly she owns a French press and probably a cezve too. She also likes Turkish coffee most.

Gwen: I do not care what base coffee she gets I do not care what flavor, I do not care what proportion she gets milk to coffee; but I know, with all my heart, she likes OAT MILK. And her coffee is ICED. She thinks the oat milk makes her special. She takes her Prozac with it. But she is not special, she’s just gay.

Owen: Owen likes many things but I do not think coffee is one of them. He likes starbucks vanilla frappuccinos.

GEN TWO:

Staci: She’s definitely a boba girl, but honestly i think she’d be fine with most teas. She likes them with milk and fruit because it makes them look special and makes her look cultured

Dakota: I still hold true to the idea that she’s a seasonal drink enjoyer, but also she loves anything iced coffee. Especially white mochas, sweet = good

B: I still think they’d like plain teas because they’re calming and not too sweet, but I don’t think they’d turn down a plain coffee. I just don’t think they’d get super hyped on it

Dawn: Definitely a matcha liker. Also only drinks plant based milks and creamers, if she uses any at all. I don’t think she’d turn down any other tea though, they might like floral or fruity ones. He and B have tea enjoyer solidarity

Sam: Of course he’d prefer G-Fuel and just general energy drinks over everything, but if he was at a proper drink shop I think he’d take his coffee with milk and sugar. It’s not a big deal if he can’t get them, caffeine’s the priority, but he’d prefer them

Brick: He tries to drink espresso to contend with Jo and his military bros, but I think he’d really like fruit smoothies or fruity teas (maybe one with orange peel or vanilla) if he was allowed to have them

Anne Maria: Caramel Macchiato, easily, she likes it extra and she likes it sweet. I however retract my statement about her liking frappuccinos, I think she’d call them a pussy drink

Mike: He likes a generic vanilla iced coffee because he’s, you know, Mike, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if he put a little shot of whiskey in his morning cup for a little audacity

Chester: Black tea with lemon. He’s a tea guy, said what I said. Bitter, sour, easy. Also he probably couldn’t afford milk and sugar as a kid

Svetlana: Honestly I don’t think she’s a real drink girlie either, considering how she likes to stay in shape and also I don’t think she’d like the taste of coffee/tea. Maybe she’d like juices? Like with strawberries and mangos and greens.

Vito: Ristretto buddy, this guy can take down the nastiest bitterest tasting coffee and not even blink. It does make him bounce off the walls tho

Manitoba: I think he’d like an espresso/doppio, maybe a flat white? He just downs it, doesn’t care about the taste much. He’s eaten worse probably he’s like “hey it’s not dirt! woop woop!” and drinks a whole pot and runs around and picks up a squirrel with his teeth and dies

Mal: Normally I’d say black because “ooo he so edgy” but honestly I think he’d like a brown sugar latte or a cup of chai. He likes the flavors, strong flavors. That or Monster because he’s insane

Jo: Black coffee, but not for any like status reasons. It just tastes good to her

Scott: He only drinks shitty instant coffee, usually without sweetener or cream bc he didn’t have them growing up. It’s always boiling hot. And he hates every other drink.

Zoey: She does like a good iced coffee but I think she much prefers milk teas (esp with boba). Also I think she likes the Starbucks pink drink and Mal bullies her for it

Lightning: He would like a protein shake if it’s available, not a fan of coffee or tea. Maybe he’d drink a juice or smoothie but it would have to be heavily vegetable and/or spice based.

Cameron: The taste of coffee would kill him, and he’s grown up scared of milks and sweet drinks and nuts bc his mom only let him drink water out of fear of him developing diabetes or something. I think maybe Zoey and Mike would slowly warm him up to something lighter like green tea.

GEN THREE:

Beardo: He likes lavender tea with lemon and honey, it soothes his voice

Leonard: I think he’d like herbal teas and fruit juices, they’re like potions

Amy: I don’t know, maybe a white chocolate mocha or frappe? But I do know she screams at the baristas!

Rodney: I hold true to the fact that he memorizes everyone’s orders, rehearses his own order, and will drink whatever to be included— BUT I think his preference is fruit smoothies. He’s just too afraid to order them.

Sammy: Frappucinos, fruit teas, juices, milk teas, anything cold and sweet basically. She doesn’t really like coffee though

Ella: Similar to Sammy, likes strawberry-flavored drinks especially. They make her feel like a princess.

Topher: Latte macchiato. On a technical level he’s a bean snob also and specifies the beans he wants every time he orders, but he can’t taste the difference and honestly likes the cream better than the coffee.

Dave: Makes fun of “basic girl” coffee orders. He gets black coffee and hates it. He truthfully doesn’t like any drinks. Maybe a seltzer water.

Scarlett: A plain tea enjoyer. Peppermint, ginger, black; not a fan of fruity ones though.

Max: Plain milk, and it’s fucking gross

Jasmine: She likes savory or bitter drinks, mostly black coffee with cream but no sugar. I think she’d also like chai.

Sugar: An anti-tea advocate. But she does like instant coffee with sugar, a similar situation to Scott. And maybe she’ll drink straight half-and-half.

Sky: Likes green juices and ginger tea, she needs that health boost but isn’t a fan of protein powder or black coffee.

Shawn: He likes black coffee, but is trying to cut back on it because it makes him neurotic. I don’t think he’d really like any other drinks much.

GEN 4:

Tammy: Same as Leonard, but I also think she’d like boba and even some of the fruity Monsters

Pete: He’s way too proud of drinking pure black coffee because he’s an old man

Gerry: He one-ups Pete by drinking pure vodka because he’s petty

Ellody: She likes kombucha and will tell you all the gut benefits

Mary: Green tea, 100%. She likes how calming it is

Laurie: Chai tea, she thinks it’s like spiritual or some bs, and gets mad when people question her tastes

Miles: Matcha, she says a lot of bs about “extracting the earthy notes”. Has it really together here

Tom: Iced coffee as hell. You know him, pretentious

Jen: Smoothies, so many smoothies, and they taste so strong

Taylor: Has the most detailed coffee order. She tells you the temp, the order to pour it in, the five different syrups she wants, what milks to mix together, and she doesn’t tip you when you make it.

Kelly: Wine. She says wine every time you ask her what she wants to drink. She thinks it’s funny. It’s not

Jay: Has to drink water because he’s allergic to everything else

Mickey: Drinks that gross thick water stuff bc Jay doesn’t want him to aspirate and die or something

Chet: Muscle Milk

Lorenzo: Also Muscle Milk

Rock: Monster, and it makes him nuts

Spud: Monster, and he feels totally normal, and just drinks it for the taste

Dwayne: Says he likes straight black coffee, actually drinks coffee with cream and sugar in a closed cup

Junior: He’s not allowed to drink coffee or tea he just gets apple juice (he pretends it’s beer)

Ennui: Drinks cranberry juice and says it’s blood

Crimson: Drinks cranberry juice also and, get this, says it’s blood

Stephanie: Won’t go to drink shops bc she’s certain she can make her own drinks better than the shops can (she can’t)

Ryan: Protein shake again, if you fuck up his order he won’t say anything he will deal with it himself and drink the whole thing to avoid hurting your feelings

Devin: Tries Red Bull to impress people and throws up; he really likes mint tea

Carrie: Tries to drink tea and coffee for the aesthetic but the only drink she really likes is lemonade

Kitty: She doesn’t even go for frappucinos it’s just milk shakes and Virgin strawberry daiquiris, and she deserves it

Emma: A cortado. Tries not to go overboard and doesn’t like the taste of coffee too much. But she’s definitely had days where shes shoots like ten espressos and disassociates

Josee: French-press ristretto, she takes one cup every morning to remind herself that god is dead and give herself that angry passion for ice dancing

Jacques: Tries to drink a different tea every morning to see if they can calm him down; they do not work

Brody: He tries a new drink every day and usually only likes the fruity ones. Has definitely gotten food poisoning this way. Did drink bath water once

Sanders: Normal iced coffee. She’s…normal. Kind of.

MacArthur: A smoothie with peanut butter in it. Loves her gains, loves her nut butters

HOSTS:

Chris: I mean we all know, hot chocolate and tomato juice. I do think in terms of personality though he is a latte-drinker and bean snob

Chef: He likes himself a nice cold fruit drink. A virgin piña colada maybe. Or that shitty unicorn frappucino. But he also still likes a good shitty espresso

Blaineley: Iced tea. Hot take I think she fears most coffee drinks, which is sad, but accurate.

Josh: Idk does he have a personality? Sparkling juice in a champagne flute (carries it in his pocket everywhere; he has big pockets)

Don: A warm mocha, but tries not to make a big deal out of it (he does not succeed)

Like and follow for more epic content this took me several hours

EDIT I FORGOT ALEJANDRO AND SIERRA HOLD ON

Sierra: Anything super sugary and super caffeinated. I know she loves the pink Monster. But at a coffee shop, probably a caramel macchiato or a mocha Frappuccino

Alejandro: Usually he drinks a really pretentious brand of espresso or ristretto, maybe a chai, but once in a while he has a cheat day and has a caramel or cinnamon latte

#alex’s td rambles #total drama #lost the plot towards the end but what can you do #long post #should have a ‘read more’ but it might not work so #sorry if it doesn’t!

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