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docholligay · 10 months

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Misty

Hello! This is about up to Episode 3 of Yellowjackets, and ONLY episode 3 of Yellowjackets. I have not seen beyond the third episode, at all, and know NOTHING about this show. Please do not spoil it for me. Things that are spoilery in nature, for me, include: saying things like “Just wait!!” confirming or denying anything I put forward, outside information about the cast interviews or creator statements, leading questions like “Do you think “blank moment” means anything?” etc. Remember that Y’ALL HAVE SEEN THE SHOW AND I HAVE NOT. This informs the way you talk about things relating to the show. Just be really careful is all I’m asking. Also: If there is LITERALLY any stance I could take on this show or character that would make you upset, please just fucking block the tag

If you WOULD like to discuss the show and my takes on it, the Discord is right here! I don’t go there, so it’s a great place to get every emotion out.

Please thank @sailorsunspot and @moonlight-frittata for backing this odd way of doing a liveblog, and remember my tip jar is always open

Before I move on to episode 4, I absolutely want to talk about Misty goddamn motherfucking Quigley. She is the greatest character of all time, I fucking loathe her, I ADORE what the writers have done with her and how they twist and pull with her like fucking taffy. She’s a genius stroke of writing AND the actress does an amazing job with her.

Anyway, Misty.

At one point in this episode, Nat asks if Misty has any idea how fucking weird she is and: No! Absolutely not!

Misty completely lacks appropriate social boundaries and seems to be lacking in genuine empathy. She’s never learned how to be likeable, so she settles for being useful. Just like, sitting in her really very lovely bedroom taking a prank phone call, she thought that being smart could save her from social nightmares. Surprise! It can’t!

Misty is a really interesting character for me, because I, too, was a young kid who was very much to the edge of the social circle. I was awkward and overeager and very much into my hobbies (I wore a full ass embroidered blouse and prairie skirt for picture day) and actually pretty “smart”. I went to state for the Nat Geo History and Geography Bee in 6th grade and got to the finals with a bunch of homeschooled 14 year olds*.

You may have imagined this did not make me very likeable, and like Misty, I didn’t really understand what I was doing wrong. I was kind, I noticed when people were upset and tried to do nice things like make a flower bookmark or whatever. I was helpful with homework because it all came very easily to me. I was enthusiastic.

But I didn’t get the rules. And neither does Misty.

Now, I got smart a lot sooner than Misty, who I would argue never has. She has never figured people out, to this day. A key difference between Misty and I is I think, that empathy thing. At the very least adult Misty, if young Misty did have it, has excised it fairly well from herself.

I gave Misty some credit in episode 2, I think it was, about maybe honestly thinking that she wasn’t pretty enough and just not getting what makes her unlikeable, but I’m rescinding that. I DO think she has no idea how offputting she is or why, but I also think she’s openly manipulative.

She lies to Kevin as Nat, and it never occurs to her that this might be bad or wrong, because to her it’s all about the means to the end, and about using Nat as a way to access this sort of flirtation that Misty herself has never been able to get. Misty, when Kevin first walks up to them, is immediately attracted. And reacts in the most Misty way: Desiring to be noticed, to be remembered, to be thought of.

I genuinely adore how this show takes Misty’s desire for friendship and love and instead of making her the sad nerd everyone is supposed to feel bad for, she, like all the other girls, is a secret monster. She’s like a succubus, or that Japanese monster that eats handsome men. She is happy to do anything, appear as anything, to form these relationships, no matter if they are hollow at core. Misty may be pathetic, but she is not innocent, the show tells us.

It’s ironic that Misty is literally pretending to be Nat, when I argued in an earlier post, and will continue to argue here, that Misty is the one of out them that is really NOT pretending to be something else, simply because she doesn’t know how. She literally admitted to Nat upfront that she pretended to be her to seduce Kevin. She didn’t play dumb for a minute about fucking up Nat’s car. She doesn’t know enough about the way fucking human beings work in order to feel even a moment of shame.

All the other women know that there is something wrong with them at core. But not Misty. Misty has no idea that something in her is fundamentally broken.

I joked that I would not be surprised if Misty killed Travis and did 9/11, and that WAS a joke, but also, i would not be surprised if Misty was somehow involved in his death. I’m not feeling confident enough to say, yes she absolutely is, but in the real world Travis would have killed himself, and this show is in many ways very clearly not in the real world. I don’t think he did because that doesn’t make sense to the kind of narrative we’re working with, though privately I would love if the answer was “Sometimes the poison just takes time to kill you”

Anyway, MISTY QUIGLEY EVERYONE

*Not to be bitter about an absolutely meaningless contest of nerdery, uh, more than 20 years later, but I lost out on a question about DEW POINT. Which I argue to this fucking DAY is a meterology question, and NOT a fucking history or geography question. I also lost a point for answering Russia as the largest Asian country and not Kazakhstan, which, I know the entire fucking globe is political, but so far as I’m concerned Russia can go fuck itself with its preciousness, the majority of its land holdings are in Asia. Defending my tiny 12 year old self ahaha.

#Doc watches Yellowjackets #Yellowjackets S1 E3

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phantamic-moriori · 2 months

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|| Ranting about HH and vivziepop in general ||

I think vivziepop genuinely needs to start pulling her punches when it comes to SA jokes and the topics about SA in general.

In order to make my rant seem more organized im gonna break my thoughts down-

(A) Valentino: why would you make your R-pist character attractive- now stay with me on this!

I think despite HH and HB being advertised as adult shows, Viv knows in the back of her mind that her audience is DEFINITELY made up of queer teenagers and immature young adults.

Now to detour for a sec, I would like to talk about a phenomenon I've seen. We all know the Tumblr sexyman-fication phenomenon, right? While it isn't as prevalent today as it was in Tumblr's hayday (don't quote me on that), you can definitely see the effects it's had on today's media, especially indie media. I think Twitter has kind of a connection to that -fication of character (mainly male), where artists (NSFW mainly) will take a character who has traits such as↓

Sharp teeth

Sharp claws

Cartoonly Skinny or chubby body type

Smirking

Snark

half lidded eyes

-and add a little bit of the other traits if they are missing, and sexualized the HELL out of it. I would like to call this the "Twitter sexyman"-fication.

Now to go back to our original topic, I think with Valentino and other male characters; they are designed to fit into this "Twitter Sexyman". While Tumblr sexymen are more transformed into blorbos, silly guys, sometimes suave and gentlemenly men; the Twitter Sexyman is more dark, VERY sexy/dominant, and raunchy (basically the way more 18+ version of the Tumblr Sexyman). I think vivziepop knows DAMN well how her audience would react to Valentino, and to put salt in the wound: make him kiss a TV head guy!

I think more people should watch the "Addict" music video to understand why people call Valentino a R-pist because it is VERY MUCH implied that he SAs Angel Dust. In the official series, Angel Dust is also shown to be "punished" and/or forced to do more intense porn videos.

While making Valentino attractive may have been more of a way to say "hey, SA'ers tend to be attractive and close to you!", it's HOW they made him attractive that I have a problem with. He literally has ALL the qualities of being some NSFW Twitter artist's obsession.

I also think it's weird that people go through all of these loop holes and twists and turns through the ethics of fiction and reality to justify liking their favorite character.

But hey, what do I know?

(B) SA Jokes in Helluva Boss

I think these jokes show the kind of person vivziepop is, and how she handles the topic of SA. Which is also why people feel like Angel Dust's trauma is handled poorly. But I think it is important to talk about the DIFFERENT effects of SA. Some people have talked about how Angel Dust sexualizing himself resonates with themselves. But I do think that sexualization is handled poorly.

-overall, but what do I know?

#helluva boss #hazbin hotel #valentino hazbin hotel #vivziepop

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starmanbyler · 1 year

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not every relationship has to be romantic for it to be deep and profound. mike and el have the potential to have a beautiful friendship, i say this because although they get along well and clearly have a lot of love for each other, there just isn’t a romantic attraction between them (at least how i see it).

the difference between a platonic and romantic relationship isn’t necessarily a deep spiritual understanding, it’s as simple as just being attracted to each other romantically and wanting a more emotional intimacy with them. i hate when people act like there’s some kind of hierarchy of relationships with romantic ones on the top. familial, platonic, romantic or mentor sort of relationships are all equally important to have.

i don’t see people undermining dustin’s relationship with steve or eddie to say that suzie is above all of them, or that jonathan’s love for nancy is so much more important than the love he has for joyce and will.

admittedly, a lot of bylers may act like will and mike’s romantic relationship is the most important thing, but that doesn’t make it true. there’s room for disagreement even on one side of things. i personally think that their relationship should be romantic, not because it’s a necessity, but just because it makes sense narratively and they are romantically attracted to each other, simple as that. that is what the characters want and deserve so i would like to see that.

and in saying this, yes some fans may neglect to care about a lot of will’s other relationships with his friends and family in favor of byler, BUT that doesn’t represent everyone’s beliefs.

what i see A LOT of is people acting like el needs a romantic relationship. i know it’s been said again and again, but seriously, i think the reason she shouldn’t be in a relationship with mike is just because they don’t like each other like that and their relationship causes insecurities for both of them, and i think a lot of the reason why people push the idea of romance onto her is because of misogyny and ableism. a lot of midlevens would argue the opposite. apparently, it’s misogynistic to suggest that she can’t be in a relationship with mike and be independent. and it’s ableist to assume that she can’t be in a relationship in general. i disagree.

the reason we don’t want her in a relationship isn’t because we want her to be an ‘independent girlboss who doesn’t need a man’. although this is somewhat true, we’re genuinely just criticising the nature of their relationship, looking at it from a nuanced perspective. if you truly go in and analyse what’s going on in their relationship instead of just crying misogyny that people don’t like it then you would realise the flaws it actually has. her relationship is bad because of the way that it is, not what it is. there isn’t a problem with el having a romantic relationship, if she wants that, then great! but i do not want her to have a relationship that causes insecurities for her, and one that she is not independent in! it’s been said many times mike and el’s relationship is very codependent. she could be independent in a relationship with mike. that would be great, but it’s not the case, so maybe it’s best to accept that the relationship doesn’t work instead of forcing a potential situation that just isn’t really possible (at least not in the resolution of s5, i think it would take a few years to be able to develop and fix this).

what i truly think is misogynistic (although they may not realise it) is pushing her into this relationship that doesn’t make her happy. it’s the whole idea of amatonormativity that is certainly forced more onto women than it is onto men. the fact people are so oblivious to how upset el is in the relationship and just look past it seems very… off. and it seems to me like internalised misogyny that’s being projected onto el.

and on the ableism thing: us suggesting that el shouldn’t have gotten in a relationship with mike so young is not ableism. it’s about the fact that at that time, she was very traumatised and did not understand much at all about relationships, what healthy relationships look like etc. she has the autonomy to start a relationship if she wants (which clearly she did) but that doesn’t make it any less odd that she got into a relationship not even really knowing what that means for her. her only interpretation of romance is tv shows - highly unrealistic ones. she doesn’t even have hopper as an example of relationships because he’s divorced. the way that she’s performing as someone else to mike in s4 just goes to show how romance to her is almost like fiction and she doesn’t know how to healthily express her feelings and communicate with mike. nobody is saying she can never be in a relationship because she’s disabled. people need to look deeper into why we think that she isn’t ready for that.

what i do find ableist is the implication that she has to be in a relationship to ‘prove wrong’ the idea that she can’t. people focus too much on trying to prove points and less on what el ACTUALLY WANTS. and people also disregard what mike wants a lot, centering the whole ship around el’s feelings that to me aren’t even really there. that’s also what seems sexist to me.

#byler #anti mileven #platonic elmike #byler analysis #this was gonna be short originally but it ended up long so i guess it deserves the analysis tag

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slimnotsorry · 1 year

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“Men prefer curves!!!11!11!!!”

Has only ever been said to me by fat women. Usually after insulting my body by insinuating that I look like a boy, a child, or any other comparison meant to invalidate my femininity. This very long post sums up my thoughts about this “men prefer curves” sentiment.

First of fucking all. These are the same cunts that screech about feminism and “women supporting women” that are the QUICKEST to police my appearance in the name of appeasing the Straight Male Gaze™. Which I’ve never given a shit about. Every man on the planet could find me repulsive and I’d be relieved, not upset. Seems like the same women always preaching online about how happy and beautiful they are care a lot about what hetero men think of them.

Secondly, this is not a “hUmBLe bRaG” because I, again, genuinely couldn’t care less if men find me attractive or not. I have a sixteen inch difference between my waist and hips. I gave up on pants a good 7 years ago. I have a true hourglass figure naturally, regardless of my weight. A wide-ass pelvis which gives me a thigh gap at any weight/size. People are constantly pointing out my ass and how disproportionate it looks to my body. Which I don’t appreciate. I don’t appreciate any random body related comments. Point is, my body type is what almost anyone with functional eyeballs would call curvy. I have a lower waist-to-hip ratio than Beyoncé for fucks sake.

But apparently my body doesn’t count as curvy to these brainless asshats because my body fat percentage isn’t high enough (???) As if someone’s huge gut spilling over their sweatpants, shrouding whatever bone structure they may have underneath is the only thing that counts as “curves” 💀

Third, I have been fighting off men with a proverbial stick my whole adulthood and most of my adolescence because of the way I look. I’m hit on and leered at every time I leave the house. Sometimes I cannot make it to the end of my driveway without strange men pulling over in their cars and rolling down the window to ask for (or demand) my number (I wish I was exaggerating, this happening more than once is what prompted me to put another camera on the side of the house). If I’m having a particularly irritating day, I wear giant over-the-head earphones and dark sunglasses to discourage suitors from interrupting my day. Sometimes this isn’t enough. Boys as young as 12 and men as old as 70 approach me regularly and make comments about my body and proposition me for dates/sex/whatever. Occasionally women approach me to ask for my number too. It might sound really strange but I have spent years dressing down and wishing that I looked more average or invisible. Wishing for a more peaceful life and to be left alone. I’m not the type of person that’s ever enjoyed receiving any attention, especially from people I don’t know. It makes me anxious and puts me on edge. I want nothing more than to blend into the background and to not stand out.

So obviously when an overweight woman brazenly utters the phrase “men prefer curves” to my face in an attempt to put me down and imply that I’m unattractive, it’s clearly coming from a place of insecurity. I find it pathetic that so many women operate under the assumption that every woman who’s not overweight must be taking drastic and dangerous measures to keep thin with the goal of being more attractive to men. Which by the way, I strongly hold the belief that MOST straight men simply prefer whoever has the largest ass and breasts, which typically is overweight women (or surgically enhanced women). So I don’t even fully disagree with the underlying message of those words in and of themselves. It’s the context in which they are said to me which is so backwards it’s laughable.

God, if only they knew how badly I want to be left the fuck alone by men and the general public. To be able to move through life undisturbed. To not be viewed as a piece of meat that lacks autonomy and humanity by both men and women. If I could suddenly overnight put on 100 pounds and be invisible to society, I’d be crying with joy and relief. I DREAM of the day when I’m finally considered “old” looking enough to no longer be conventionally attractive. Fuck, what a heavenly, PEACEFUL existence that must be. It’s really not the soul-crushing bingo they think it is to imply that men won’t want to fuck me because I’m too thin. It’s just a toxic, vain, contemptuous lashing-out from people who are desperate for male validation.

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dumbledore-and-grindelwald · 2 years

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1/1 I'm interested in your opinion. Albus admires Newt. He says he's impressed that Newt doesn't want power or fame. Albus trusts him and likes him very much. You could say that Newt has everything that Gellert does not. Albus loves Gellert. The heart was not a servant, he had no influence on it.

Even when they met, Gellert was charming, flirty, seductive. The atmosphere was charged. I don't think that this is something that was easy for Albus to find. He didn't feel it for anyone. Flirtation and sexual attraction come as easily as breathing to some people, but not to everyone. Moreover, intelligence is not EVERYTHING, but it is important. Albus and Gellert shared interests ambitions, they were both witty, young dreamers. Sure, Albus corresponded with great men of the time, he did have some friends, but he didn't have an equal of his own age and energy.

It's also about circumstance. When Gellert came, Albus had chosen to sacrifice his future to stay in a village and take care of his siblings. He wasn't forced, but he did it because he felt responsible. He was angry about it, sad... possibly depressed. Gellert was a breath of life *insert Florence and the Machine song*. He gave Albus hope and allowed him to dream again when he thought he never could. I think this is hard for people to understand if they haven't had to be carers or to sacrifice essential life-choices at a young age, but Gellert became instantly Albus' EVERYTHING. He encompassed a chance at having the life he wanted. That doesn't make Albus' feelings shallow or less genuine, but it makes me understand why he was so consumed and clinged on what he felt for Gellert so much that his deeds never erased the love Albus felt.

Even now that Albus has a life that contributes to so many young minds and has an impact on the world, the life he and Gellert were imagining, even if it was idealized and Albus now knows this, would have been the one path that would have given him genuine fulfillment in terms of love, ambition and even family.

Moreover, I wonder about Gellert's backstory and what Albus knows of it. I don't think that Albus glosses over Gellert's actions, but he may know something that makes him understand why, from his perspective, Gellert is so hateful of muggles and also make him feel sorry for him and wish he could hold him and take his pain away even as he resents his short-sightedness and bigotry.

#albus dumbledore #gellert grindleward #fantastic beasts #grindeldore #harry potter

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menalez · 11 months

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Hi mena, I sent an ask earlier that you didn't quite understand - sorry lmao I was at work when I wrote it. I'll try to explain it better this time. What I mean is that while some people want to identify /out of/ homo/bisexuality, because of the moralized and fetishized nature of any sexual orientation at this point, there will be those who are already confused that want to identify /into/ it. I'm not talking about people who want to be oppressed or infiltrate other identities, although those people do exist. But for example, I think that there are straight women now who call themselves bi bc they think that straight is "vanilla," or "boring," or that they can't be true allies if they're just straight. It's not because of "heterophobia" or whatever rebublicans want to claim, because that's never been a systemic issue, but because it's untrendy on tiktok and in younger circles. They still want to date men solely, but they think the label will make them seem more interesting or sexually adventurous (aka male-approved) because of, again, biphobia. I don't think all people like this mean harm, but it's still done. ON TOP OF ALL THAT, the issue is further muddied by the messages that true lesbians love dick and blah blah blah that change the definition of a sexuality so that it no longer has any concrete meaning. For the women who are younger or unaware of the true meaning of sexualities, it can obviously be confusing because in "liberal" communities we're all assumed to be bi in essence and just have aesthetic/label/personality "preferences." Let me know if that's any clearer of a message, also feel free to let me know if you disagree, I'm just putting my thoughts out there. Again, sorry for the confusing first message :P

i think that’s definitely a generous perspective dhdhs imo i feel like there’s this level of disrespect when ppl claim to be a minority sexuality despite knowing they don’t meet the definition (like het women claiming to be bi bc they think being het is uncool or w/e). it shows their privilege but also shows their blindness to their privilege, their lack of respect towards the minority they’re appropriating, and overall their entitlement towards minorities. i feel like genuine allies to lesbians & genuine allies to bisexuals wouldn’t intentionally do this. i can forgive someone having been a bad ally in the past and then realising that and no longer appropriating minority sexualities tho, i reserve my annoyance at the ones who continue to do such things esp the ones who fight actual gay ppl & bisexuals and speak over us & use their voice to further harmful rhetoric like “everyone’s a little bi” or “lesbians can like men” or even associating bisexuality w being able to simply sexualise women without actually being attracted to them

i do agree that some of the harmful rhetoric can be very confusing for young gay & bi kids tho. i know i was confused by it as a teen lol. i’d tell myself i can’t be a lesbian & must be het or bi bc i saw pre-everything trans men & was attracted to them for example but i may be alone there.

i get what u mean now tho! but here i don’t fully agree, though i see ur point with some parts (i agree theres a pressure to identify as Something even tho u don’t actually know what ur sexuality is. tho perhaps that pressure is mostly internal)

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diaryofasupergroupie · 1 year

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Hi!

I'm in a strange situation where I'm hooking up with this musician from overseas (we met during his first ever time in Europe), and it's very much not supposed to be anything exclusive or serious.

However he is constantly saying things like how I deeply impacted him as a person, or how he wants to win my heart, etc. sappy things like that. It's weird because he's more than 20 years older than me and a divorced dad while I have just barely started to become independent from my parents. Also I doubt he'd have any trouble getting women when he's headlining festivals, so I have trouble imagining such level of emotional/romantic attachment with such a difference in life circumstances. I certainly don't feel anything like that for him, just sexual attraction and maybe some appreciation of him as a person.

Now, where I would like to ask for advice... First of all, is it unheard of that he might actually have feelings for me? Or does he just think I'm a dumb young girl who'll get more attached to him if he's acting romantic? If he does have feelings for me, then I'm uncomfortable with this dynamic, and would prefer to end whatever is going on between us. I doubt I'd ever love him like that, and I don't want to be leading him on.

I do enjoy his company though, and he's flying to where I am to visit me soon, but I'm very anxious about it. Would it be strange to just upfront ask him to drop the act if it's an act because it's not helping anyways? What am I to do in this situation?

Thank you, and sorry about the long ask!

Hey love! So I hope you take this in the best possible way. First it is not unheard of and it’s a thing that when you are in the music industry or entertainment that you mature differently so sometimes people older can bond with younger people because their maturity level is near the same. BUT I will stress this so much - as a man who is 20 years older than you why would he want to be with someone so much younger? I am a couple years from 30, would I want to be with a 18 year old? Absolutely not because we would have nothing in common. Men also tend to always like younger women, hence why teen is and has always been a top cat on p*rn sites. But when men want relationships with younger women it can be because they are aware it is easier to control them and manipulate them than if they were fully grown women with the same amount of life experience. And I am truly so passionate about making women aware of this because I have been there. But to answer your question you should definitely just ask him and say hey I don’t feel comfortable with this. Because he may be genuine which then the best thing to do would be to let him down and he should appreciate that. But if he is thinking he can control you he will get the message hey I am young but I will not put up with this. I hope this helps and I really hope things work out! - K

#groupie #diary of a super groupie #answered

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jonismitchell · 2 years

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Your new Substack post is SO good, and despite me being very much attracted to men and thus not sharing a very important part of your experience, I still found it insanely relatable and had a few “yes!! This!” moments while reading it because !!! you managed to put it into words! I have done some serious introspection regarding my attraction to men in the last year or so (maybe even to an unhealthy extent) and while I walked away from it knowing that I do like men, I realized that a lot of my attraction to them had been very much connected to societal expectations of what a woman’s life should look like and how it should be tied to a man. The ultimate way of getting back at high school mean girls is dating a Hot Guy. Getting the attention of a man (no matter how old he may be) is the greatest honor a woman can receive. For a long time, when I thought about dating a man, my fantasies revolved around what my relationship would signal to other people. Sure, this also speaks to a messed up approach to life in general (I am working on that!), but it’s also a result of being taught that Getting The Man is the most important thing in your life. The fact that so much of what we hear about heterosexual relationships, be it in the media or from the people around us, also paints them in a negative light just contributes to this. “This is just how men are, deal with it <3” The first few sentences of your post genuinely made my eyes roll hard because I have been in the EXACT same position before and stuck around because, well, he wasn’t THAT bad!!! It’s genuinely scary that girls not only get told that they WILL end up with a man, but also that they will be deeply unhappy and I applaud you for commenting on it in such a succinct way. I have found myself avoiding art that really goes into ��men will only treat you badly!” because while I can recognize why it is important, it always makes me feel like it is unavoidable that the men in my life will destroy me, and that is a worldview I simply do not want to adhere to. Plus, when I already believe that men will harm me no matter what, I am less willing to fight back when they actually do it (my entire first relationship is a testament to that). It is possible to have a happy and fulfilling relationship with a man if you are attracted to them! But it is not the ultimate key to happiness!!! And a “fulfilling relationship” does not involve you tearing yourself apart.

I support and agree with everything you’ve said here, and I appreciate that you enjoyed the piece! I think that a critical piece of what I’m trying to convey is that accepting heterosexuality as a default means a lot of women will never question whether they’re attracted to men. Which is fine, and not everyone will have a game-changing revelation about their sexuality, but I can’t help but feel that trying to decide who you are at a young age and centering it around attraction you have no experience with can be really detrimental. (I don’t mean to imply that everyone needs to experiment to know what they want. Sometimes you know from day one that you like girls or boys and never need to question it.) The way we construct romance and attraction, especially as it relates to LGBT+ identities, is rife with issues of misogyny that can be harmful. It’s good to question these things, basically.

#beginning to sound like a lifestyle blogger send help .#or worse a self help book #the only person i want to sound like is dolly alderton to be clear #bybdolan-main #asking with you #amy*

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guyonrye · 11 months

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How much of someone is made up from their trauma? How much of a man is derivative of that which he has experienced, and how much is predisposed to be a part of his person when he forms in the womb? It can be a challenge to differentiate between your nature and nurture; regardless of which makes more of an impact, it is irrefutable that both are important in dissecting one’s identity. I’m not sure how much of my identity is made up of the trauma I’ve gone through, how much is inherent to who I am, and how much is still just underlying insecurity piloting my actions. Regardless, all of these things make up who I am in this moment.

It’s been a long journey for me to figure out many different aspects of my identity. I’m pretty sure I’ve gone through nearly every letter in the LGBTQA+ community. I was a lesbian for a while, then a demiboy, then just a trans man, then a bisexual trans man, then a gay trans man… and I’ve finally settled into the most fitting identity for myself, though I recognise as I develop more, that identity is subject to change. As it stands, I identify as an agender guy, who is both asexual and aromantic. Now these may all seem confusing, especially if you know me personally, but I have my reasonings for identifying like this. To me, it makes perfect sense, though it takes a little bit of explaining.

I’ll start with describing why I am an agender guy, as I’m sure those two terms together are the most confusing. As an autistic person, I don’t quite grasp the concept of gender; at least, not in any meaningful way. I have this irrefutable internal sense that I am a man, and have since I could formulate thoughts. At the same time, I’ve never been able to grasp the delineation between “man” and “woman”. Ever since I was young I would draw extremely effeminate men and genuinely not understand how people assumed they were girls. I also couldn’t understand why I was being seen as a girl when I so clearly could tell I wasn’t one, but at the same time, I understood it was “bad” of me to feel that way, so I did my best to ignore it. I would pray to god to fix me, to let me wake up in the correct body, and not to play this joke on me. Obviously it didn’t work, but it did serve to worsen my inability to understand the concept of gender. The terms “manhood” and “womanhood” seem to mean so much to the majority, but I don’t have any feelings towards them. To me, I just know I’m a man, and nothing else is attached to that concept. No feeling of manhood, no feelings of womanhood, nothing. Where others seem to hold a sense of pride in their gender, I feel nothing; just a sense of being a man and nothing else. I don’t grasp the idea of gender, or gender roles, and so I know I’m different from most men in that sense. Even other trans men have a sense of manhood; does that mean I’m not trans, though? No. It simply means I experience gender in a vastly different way, largely due to the fact that I’m autistic. It’s something many autistics report experiencing, it’s just at an elevated level for me. So, I am a guy, but speaking in a larger sense, I’m also agender, as I have no connection to manhood and no understanding of gender roles or gender expression in any meaningful way.

In a joking way, it’s why I describe my gender as “none gender with left boy” in reference to the none pizza meme.

When regarding my sexuality, things get… potentially even more complicated. Many people believe sexuality is black and white; much like gender, however, it is anything but. I’m not sure how much of my sexuality is impacted by my trauma, though I believe it has had at least somewhat of an influence on it. One thing I know for sure is that I am not sex repulsed, and actually quite like sex. I think male bodies are very sexy, with their slightly curved chests and big shoulders, with facial hair and swinging balls… I love it. However, the second it goes from being just a random masculine body to being a person, I stop feeling that attraction. Some people may argue then that I’m just gay with high standards, but it goes a lot farther than that. The mere idea that it is a person and not just an attractive body turns me off for some reason. Only one person has ever been the exception to that, and I have my own theories as to why they are, but regardless, I don’t feel comfortable identifying as just plain gay. The hyper-specific label would be grayasexual, but frankly, I don’t think I want to place that identity on myself since there’s only ever been one exception in my life, and they’re comfortable with me identifying as asexual. I find them very attractive, and am very attracted to who they are as a person as well, but even if another person seems to be perfectly my type, I just can’t find it in myself to desire sex with them even in a fantasy scenario. It goes beyond just not wanting to have sex with random strangers, it’s an active repulsion and discomfort at the thought. So, asexual, agender guy.

There’s one more piece to the puzzle, though. My romantic attraction is incredibly similar to my sexual attraction. I can have fantasies about wanting to be with someone, and I can understand what I’d like from a partner, but any ‘crushes’ I’ve had have been nothing more than friendships with more intimacy. I don’t feel romantic attraction the way most people do, both because of the severe abuse I’ve experienced and my autism. Only one person has ever really made me feel romantically attracted to them, and that would be my current partner. With them I feel a deep, profound love that I’ve never felt for another person. It still doesn’t quite seem to be the same way that others experience romance, but for me, it is. I’ve never felt this sort of feeling for anyone else, I’ve never felt this safe with another person, never felt the same sense of security and understanding with another person. It may be because they were what I latched onto when in an incredibly abusive relationship, but it doesn’t matter; these feelings are real and profound, no matter the circumstances that allowed me to feel romantic love for someone. Outside of them, I’ve never felt the desire for romance with other people. Perhaps I’ve felt the desire for intimacy, but never in a way I would, reflecting back on it, describe as romantic. It is because of this that I strongly feel I am aromantic; just because one person was able to become an object of romantic attraction around my trauma and autism, does not mean I regularly feel romantic attraction for others. It simply means that someone was the exception, not the rule.

This is why I ponder if it truly matters why you feel the way you do at times. Surely it does in some situations, but in a general sense, does it matter that my identity is heavily a result of my trauma and being autistic? Both of those things heavily impacted my development and who I am as a person, so why would their influence on my identity be any less real? Does it mean I need to just identify as a gay man, when that doesn’t accurately reflect who I see myself as? No, it doesn’t. It just means that my nurture has shifted my nature, and that does not have to mean I must work on eliminating that. There are aspects of myself caused by being autistic and traumatized that I do want to change, as they are actively detrimental to my life. My identity as an agender aro-ace guy is not actively harmful, and in fact, helps me feel more complete as a human. It fills in a hole left by my nurture, and provides a sense of healing. I am more than my trauma, and can claim who it has made me without being broken, or otherwise “less than” others.

I am proud to be an agender guy.

I am proud to be asexual.

I am proud to be aromantic.

I am proud to be in a loving relationship

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #agender #aroace agender #transgender #lgbtq

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buckyownsmylife · 3 years

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Young and Beautiful - Steve Rogers smut

The one where you were supposed to be a one-night stand, but Steve won't let that happen

Warnings: smut, and a little bit of angst.

A/N: this was our first ever patreon-voted fic, chosen for the month of May! My patreons at the $3 tier get to send me their ideas once a month and two of them end up being voted so I can write one of them each month. June’s fic is the one where Ransom needs to get a sugar mommy, and if you want to suggest a story for our July’s fic, please consider becoming a patreon! Thank you to my darling @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog for reading this over for me.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The first time wasn’t a mistake, I could admit to that. Steve had been coming to the same bar where I worked for almost a year now. I knew who he was, of course. Everyone knew - he was hard to miss. But I think what he liked about our run-down place is that no one seemed to care about Captain America and the things he did when he didn’t have a bottle of beer in his hand.

Over here, he was just Steve. And Steve tipped well and drank a lot - I was sure he couldn’t get drunk, no matter how many beers I served him, but he never stopped asking me for more.

So, needless to say, he was adored. Adored by my boss, who was always around to keep watch of his customers and keep them in line. Adored by Luke, who guarded the entrance, for all the nights Steve helped him get rid of men who couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. And adored by all the waitresses, for precisely the same reason - and because I always shared my tips with all of them.

Even the kitchen staff adored Steve. Besides, it’s not like he was hard on the eye - all the girls (customers and staff) were constantly fawning over him, but he was nothing short of a gentleman, always.

Actually, he seemed to avoid the members of the opposite sex as best as he could, clearly not interested in whatever it was that they planned to possibly get to do with him. Well, except for me.

He never avoided me. I always figured it was because I was the guardian of the alcohol - we’d even joke about it sometimes, when he came to sit by the bar after politely declining someone’s advances.

“It’s just hard to understand how to date nowadays,” he commented one day after a pretty girl actually asked him out on a date right in front of me, but he refused. I shrugged as I wiped the counter, thinking if there was any advice I could give him.

“It really isn’t that hard. You go out to dinner, walk her home and when you step in front of her door, you ask her for some coffee. She’ll usually do it herself, but if you want to show your interest…” His frown was amusing, to say the least, but I held back my laughter so he wouldn’t be even more uncomfortable.

“A coffee?” Giggling, I nodded. “Before bed? But…”

“It’s a metaphor, Steve. A lady can’t very well invite you into her sheets, now can she?” He blushed three different shades of red when I winked, another giggle escaping. “I mean, she can, but we like to keep some things unsaid - innuendos can be very sexy.”

Two months had passed and if Steve made use of my lessons, I wouldn’t know. He never brought anyone to the bar and never left with any lady who approached him either.

“What can I get ya, Steve?” I’d always ask. I’d never once called him Cap or anything other than the name he used to introduce himself - even though I obviously knew who he was. He always took his time before answering my questions, even if they required a simple yes or no, which amused me to no end.

For a while, I actually believed a gun or one of the buildings the Hulk had undoubtedly thrown in his direction had left him with a difficulty of hearing. But then after my first question, he never seemed to have any problem understanding me at all.

“Just a beer,” he’d say, a small, soft smile as he tried not to stare too much at me, fingers tapping on the counter while I got his order. I appreciated his effort not to make me uncomfortable - I knew he’d seen how often men did that to me. I had no doubt that was why he only ever looked me in the eye from under those huge eyelashes of his.

“There you go.” Always the same routine, we never once deviated from it. Until one night when I was supposed to close the bar and he heard my boss instructing me to be careful.

“There’s been a lot of robberies this late at night. Make sure you lock everything up properly.” I saluted in jest, making the old man laugh and shake his head at me. “See you tomorrow, kid.”

There were only a handful of customers - Steve included, and he was the only one by the bar, so I threw him a quick smile as I wiped the glasses and started to clean the counter.

“Can I get you anything else?” I offered, but he only grimaced in response, leaving me confused. “Is there something wrong?” He stared directly at me without answering for a while before he was able to snap out of whatever it was that had frozen him.

“You’re supposed to leave by yourself at two in the morning?” I chuckled lightly at his concern, avoiding his gaze so he wouldn’t see how it warmed my heart that he’d be preoccupied over me, someone that was a little more than a stranger to him.

“It’s part of the job,” I reassured him. “Well, usually it’s part of Luke’s job. But whenever he has to leave early, it’s my duty to fill in for him.” He nodded, but didn’t make any movement towards leaving. Usually, he would be gone by now, but it wasn’t that extraordinary for him to stay until the hour I left.

This was the first time he stayed this long though, considering I wasn’t the one responsible for closing the bar and I only realized it when I looked around and noticed we were the last two people left in the room.

“Planning on drinking much more?” I joked, trying to gauge if he was going to be much longer, but he seemed startled by my question, looking around to verify the same thing I’d just noticed.

“Oh, no. Not at all.” I smiled, thankful that he was conscious and wouldn’t force me to stay even longer after my shift had finished. “I just figured I could walk you home. It is pretty late, after all.”

My heart warmed up at how sweet and thoughtful this man was. He had no reason to wait for me to finish my job just to walk me home, yet here he was. “Thank you, Steve,” I acknowledged, sending him a grateful grin. “Let me just check the bathrooms real quick. I’ll grab my purse and we can leave.”

He nodded, watching me do as I said and in no time at all we took off together in the direction of my apartment. I wasn’t worried about making small talk with him on the way there - I knew he was a good conversationalist from all the times he had stayed by the bar instead of taking his beer to a table, and I adored the stories he told of his missions just as much as I appreciated how he genuinely cared about what I had to say.

The walk to my place seemed shorter than ever before, and in a few minutes we were standing in front of my door as I searched for my keys in my bag.

“C-Can I…” He murmured as I looked for it, glancing up at him and smiling to signal he should continue even though I couldn’t give him my full attention at that moment. “Would you… Do you have some coffee?”

I was so shocked that my head whipped up to stare at him, eyes wide and unbelieving. Did Steve… Did he… Did he want to have sex with me? “I mean… in your apartment, do you have some coffee in your apartment?”

The thought was so extraordinary that the second I realized his intentions, a fire of desire warmed my lower belly, not because he was Captain America, but because he was an attractive and sweet guy that was way out of my league and I couldn’t believe he was into me.

He kept talking as I kept blinking at him, trying to process what was going on. “’Cause I’d really like to have some coffee… with you… If you want some too…”

His voice got smaller the longer it took for me to answer him, until it disappeared completely and he cleared his throat. “Nevermind.” He was about to turn around and make a run for it, I was sure, but I was able to grasp his wrist just in time, signalling him to stop because I had something to say.

“I would love to make you some coffee, Steve.”

So yeah, the first time wasn’t a mistake. He was way too fucking sweet and I got hot just by seeing how nervous he was to ask me for some “coffee”, incredulous that I was capable of affecting this giant man that much.

So as soon as we were in my apartment, I tied up my hair with the little hair tie I always kept on my wrist during work and got on my knees for him.

And I cherished every fucking second of it.

The way his mouth fell open in a gasp when I reached for his jeans, the little moans he let out as I licked his member… I couldn’t close my eyes, too transfixed by his expressions to miss anything.

The way he pulled me by my hair to devour my mouth, hands so eager to undress me that he ended up ripping my blouse, but it only made me giggle.

The way his groan sounded almost painful when he picked me up, shoved me against the door and penetrated me, filling me so beautifully I hit my head back against the wood and didn’t even notice it.

He got me to cum without almost no preparation, just from the thrill of it all, the stretch of his member inside of me. When I urged him to cum in my pussy, the look on his eyes was enough to get me to cum again, milking him dry as he emptied himself with a growl, forehead dropping against mine while he tried to catch his breath.

I was expecting him to leave immediately or maybe stay for an actual coffee. I wasn’t expecting him to pull out, drop to his knees and start lapping his cum from inside of me, eyes as focused on mine as I had been for him only minutes before.

Burying my fingers in his short locks, I tried to keep myself up despite the way my legs trembled, but Steve just adjusted them so they’d be over his shoulders and held me up with his face buried in me.

I had never cum so many times in a row. But then again, I had never had a man eat his own cum out of me.

I fully intended it to be a one time thing, and that was my plan. I thanked him for eating me out, made him some coffee, giggled at his stories about his friends and for a second it almost looked like we were back at the bar, only the counter was my kitchen table and I was allowed to sit on the other side.

He didn’t ask to stay the evening and I breathed a sigh of relief after I closed the door behind him, ignoring the slight empty feeling that momentarily hit me. This is what I wanted, I reminded myself, and by acting the way I expected him to, he had made it clear that he understood the rules of the dating world he claimed to know so little of.

This was a one time deal. Nothing more.

But then the first night we saw each other at the bar again, it was when he burst through the door to punch some guy who came in just as I was closing, trying to steal the money we had in the vault. I was so fucking relieved to see his face that all I could do was tremble in his arms after the police came to get the robber, and of course I couldn’t let him go after that.

He walked me home and I didn’t even ask anything, just stood on my tiptoes to kiss his lips, using my grip on his shirt to pull him in as he helped me with my clothes.

“You’re so fucking pretty…” He moaned, and perhaps that should have been my first sign, the one that alerted me to stop what I was doing and not make this into a mistake I couldn’t take back.

He hadn’t talked the last time. He had never complimented me before.

“God, your ass…” He groaned as he palmed it, helping me over his lap when he took a seat on my couch, until I could fuse the both of us and ride us to hysteria.

But I didn’t mind. I didn’t mind because it felt so fucking good to be desired by him, to have him inside of me, cumming deep into my pussy only to eat it all out of me again.

It didn’t take long for me to learn about the errors of my way, though. In fact, it started the very next day, when he walked into the bar grinning from ear to ear and made a beeline in my direction.

“Hey, baby,” he greeted, and my eyes went wide as two saucers, especially when I saw him lean over the counter like he intended to peck my lips.

“Hello, Captain.” I quickly turned my back to him, facing the shelves of liquor to pretend that I was looking for something. My heart sank to my stomach as I took in what was happening, what I had just done in my effort to put some distance between us as if last night had never happened. “Can I get you anything?”

The time it took for him to answer almost had me looking at him from over my shoulder, but I restrained myself. “Yeah, you,” he finally said, and I breathed out in surprise. “Why are you acting this way?”

I panicked for a few seconds, reaching up for an already clean glass to attack it with my rag. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tried to reassure the both of us, still incapable of looking him in the eye.

But I could see his massive body by the end of the counter from the corner of my eyes, where he always sat, and I saw him tap the old battered wood with his fingers - fingers he had used to spread me open for his tongue to reach - as he thought.

I hoped he would let it go. I hoped he would not.

“Fine,” he relented, and I froze, uncertain of what he meant. “I’ll come back tomorrow.” My head snapped up just in time to watch him leave, and he didn’t even look over his shoulder.

I tried to tell myself it was for the best. He needed some time to get over whatever the hell it was that he thought he was feeling and tomorrow things would go back to normal. But that wasn’t what happened.

He came back with flowers the next day, and I didn’t have any reasonable excuse not to accept it. He didn’t push for anything, just gave me the bouquet before asking for his usual drink. And then he proceeded to stay the entire evening right there, where he always sat, carefully watching my every move.

For the first time in a while, I broke two glasses in a single evening.

The day after that, he came with a box of chocolates. I couldn’t hide the smile because they were my favorite - I didn’t know how he knew it until he reminded me.

“You told me you liked them right when I started coming to this place.” His eyes were so heavy with a sad feeling that I couldn’t recognize that I had to avert my gaze. It messed with my heartbeat, it left my throat feeling dry.

“Thanks, Captain,” I softly acknowledged it, and I saw the way his grip on the box tightened. I saw it in the way it was slightly crumpled when I took it from his hands, but he didn’t say a word.

There was only so much that he could take, though. And I knew that. It didn’t help that my boss had caught onto his intentions and started to push me to go out on a date with him.

“Why don’t you give the poor guy a chance?” He’d incite, much to Steve’s utter glee.

“Yeah, Y/N. Why don’t you go out with me?” Steve urged, and although he never asked when my boss wasn’t around to initiate the teasing, I knew he wondered.

And the truth was that I wondered about it too. Because everything was screwed up now. When I gave him his beer and our fingers brushed, mine were left tingling. When I looked his way to find his gaze already on me, I shivered.

So yes, the second time was undeniably a mistake, but there wouldn’t be a third time. I’d make sure of it.

Steve’s P.O.V.

I was tired of waiting. I knew I had wanted her since the first time I laid my eyes on her, when I decided to stop at this rundown bar in the hopes of one night of crappy beer without being bothered by anyone asking for autographs or pictures.

I’d come here almost every night when I could escape the tower to watch her work, slowly getting her to warm up to me, and I fell for her personality in the process.

The way she clearly saw me as Steve, and not my title.

The way she always laughed at my stories and shared what had happened in the previous nights with the raucous customers.

The way she seemed to care about everyone and everything that came into contact with her.

So what started as desire became something deeper and for the first time since I was unfrozen, I found myself eager to understand what dating in this new century was like. I asked Sam for advice, and even Tony for any tips he could give me, but their general ideas didn’t matter to me when all I wanted was one single person.

Her.

So I asked her for her thoughts on the matter and was surprised with myself when I put them into practice. I was even more surprised when she accepted my advances and welcomed me into her embrace.

I was sure I’d never been happier than that evening.

But to have her pretend nothing had happened and even worse - treat me like a stranger after I had learned the taste of her skin? Nothing hurt deeper than that.

And still, I understood. I realized then that she hadn’t seen the situation the way that I had. She had thought all I wanted was a one-night deal - well, two-night deal - because I had never shown her anything to make her think differently.

So I set out to do just that. My way this time. And I was just about ready to ask her on a proper date when I was forced away for a whole damn month, having to resort to my hand and my memories of her body to get through the cold nights on the field.

The second I was back in the city, I only had one thing in mind. To get what I wanted, in whatever way she would let me.

“Can we talk?” My voice sounded clipped to my own ears, and maybe that’s why her mouth opened in surprise - or maybe it was seeing me at the bar so early, when there was barely anyone around, after being absent for so long.

“Sure,” she finally accepted, shrugging like it was no big deal, but I knew better than that. She might not know it, but I could read her perfectly, and I knew she was hiding her true feelings even to herself. I knew those feelings were deeper than she had ever felt. I knew they made her scared.

“Not here.” She stopped cleaning glasses then, frozen for a second before she looked around, taking in the fact that no one else was going to need her for a while. There was nowhere to run and maybe I was a jerk for doing this during her work hours, but I was a desperate jerk and I couldn’t wait a second longer.

“Okay.” She sounded small, and I knew what she was expecting to get out of this conversation. Closure, in one way or another. For me to finally let go of her. But I wouldn’t.

I wanted her too damn bad to let her escape like that.

“Go out with me.” I asked the second that the office door was closed behind us, and she immediately started shaking her head. “Yes, please,” I insisted. “Let me show you that I want more from you. I want so much more.”

“I can’t give you more,” was her answer, and she still avoided my eyes as she spoke. “One night, you even had two. That’s all I can give you. Please don’t ask me for anything more.”

“Why?” I asked, and the frustration in my voice was enough to get her to meet my eyes for the first time that evening. “Why are you trying to avoid this? I know you want me, Y/N. You wouldn’t have slept with me if you didn’t. So just tell me why.”

“I can’t,” she insisted, moving towards the door, but I grasped her hand to stop her before she could slip through it - much like she had done that first night, when I thought I’d screwed up any chance I had to ever be with her.

“Tell me why you’re holding yourself back from me,” I ordered, anger and desire creating an explosive cocktail inside of me, making my voice hoarse. I saw her shiver. I watched her break.

“Because it was too fucking good and I swear to God, if you get your mouth on me again, I’m gonna marry you.” Our expressions mirrored one another, eyes wide, mouths hanging open. She couldn’t believe she had let out her feelings like this. I couldn’t believe there was all there was to it.

I dropped to my knees before her.

“Come here.” I shoved her jeans all the way down to her ankles, sending the button flying somewhere. I couldn’t tell where and I didn’t care. All I wanted was to show her that there was nothing wrong with wanting this, with wanting me because as long as she allowed me to, I’d give anything to be with her.

My tongue was so hungry to taste her sweetness again. I licked a stripe between her lower lips before I could even get my hand there, spreading her with my fingers for easier access.

God, she was heavenly. I watched her let her head fall back against the door, much like the first time I was able to be in this position, and my heartbeat fluttered at the realization that this time, I was much closer to getting what I really wanted from her.

“I’ve been terrified of my own feelings for long enough,” I decided to confess, parting from her clit to be able to speak but slipping two digits inside her hole, filling her up, preparing her to welcome me. “I can wait for you to come to terms with yours. But I can’t keep myself away,” I warned, quickening my movements as I chased away the taste of her in my tongue. “So don’t ask that of me.”

Her moan had my eyes sparkling with excitement. I lowered my head to suck her button, see the way it made her thighs tremble on each side of my face.

“So fucking sexy,” I moaned against her cunt. “Come for me, sweetheart. Drench my face.” Her little cry of ecstasy denounced she was about to do just that, so I twirled my tongue around her clit, rubbing my digits against her sweet spot as her body tensed under my ministrations.

“There you go…” I whispered, fascinated with the way she looked after her release. It was like she glowed from the inside, muscles relaxing to accept my caresses when I finished cleaning her with my tongue and rose to my full height.

“Next time you try to pretend something between us didn’t happen, I’m gonna bend you over the counter and spank your ass in front of all of the other patrons,” I warned her before nibbling her earlobe. “Go out with me,” I tried again, and she took a deep breath before answering, looking up at me from under her eyelashes.

“Okay.”

#my fics #steve rogers smut #steve rogers #smut #patreon one-shot #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers reader #steve rogers reader insert #steve rogers reader inserts #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers one-shot

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my-darling-boy · 3 years

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Genuinely asking, isn't self-diagnose with a condition kind of dangerous? Because legitimizing self-diagnosing opens a door to many malicious people who would want to exploit the fact they can self-diagnose? And in turn, make the space of autistic people worse?

Was going to skip this, but I’m writing a LONG response because I’m VERY exhausted with the amount of misinformation I see on this “self dx is dangerous” take, so buckle up and allow me to info dump.

Recently, authentic_autism_advocacy, an Instagram account run by a supposed medically diagnosed autistic woman was discovered to be a non-autistic woman, Connie Manning, posing as a medically diagnosed autistic person to spread hate and anti-self diagnosing speech. In reality, she is a neurotypical mother who regularly uses her autistic son for clout; she also turned out to have a hand behind CalmWear, a brand of sensory compression products designed for disabled people. Not only had she been spewing hatred towards other autistic people, she had been accusing well known AFAB autistic tiktokers like beckspectrum of faking being autistic and threatening self diagnosed autistics and saying they are a danger to the community, and engaging in other incredibly discriminating behaviour. Yes, she herself was a neurotypical person posing as a medically diagnosed autistic to perpetuate hateful rhetoric about self diagnosed people and used her voice to speak OVER autistic folk for financial gain and exploitation of autistic people, including her own son. If you want to read this roller coaster of a story, an autistic person wrote an entire article on it with tons of screenshots and sources.

So let me make one thing clear to you.

The purpose of actually, genuinely self diagnosing is not done to attract attention or to parade around and exploit other autistic people. Self diagnosed autistic individuals have recognised due to difficult life circumstances, financial hardship, bigotry and stigma within the medical/legal world, being a minor, lack of insurance, lack of proper access to safe care facilities, being denied assessment due to incompetent or biased practitioners, and/or any other obstacle that they may temporarily or permanently be barred from diagnosis. Self diagnosis does NOT instantly mean a person is posing for clout, nor does it indicate a person is trying to wring money from assistance services or exploit other autistics. And nts who use self diagnose with intentions of harming the community? That’s NOT self diagnosis, that’s abuse of something meant to aid people blocked from medical care or financial means to that care. All we can do for autistic people, no matter who we perceive them to be, is treat them the same way we would any other autistic person. Because the moment you start deciding by your own book who deserves respect and who doesn’t, you’ll be on a slippery slope to locking out thousands of autistic people from the community. If it’s discovered a person like Connie is literally abusing the system of self dx to intentionally mislead the community, by all means, we must hold them accountable. But you cannot simply go about granting and revoking access from people just because someone lacks a diagnosis or doesn’t fit your idea of what being autistic looks like, especially if it’s based on stereotypes.

Moral of the story? Isn’t it ironic how anti-self dx people will 100% believe a user who claims to be medically diagnosed but shows no “written proof” of it, yet always demand written proof from a self dx person? It’s almost like even anti-self dx people can’t tell the difference between someone who is medically diagnosed autistic and someone who isn’t. Well, that’s because they can’t. While there might be common traits, autism has no set model, it is a spectrum, no autistic person is alike; Policing self diagnosed people about their self diagnosis isn’t a form of protecting the community. It’s a form of gatekeeping. If you find yourself granting instant acceptance, without asking for proof, to a person insisting they are medically diagnosed like this neurotyical mother, but then prohibit self dx people from entry entirely on the grounds of not showing proof of medical assessment, you are upholding a double standard. This is why policing autistic people’s diagnosis, self or not, is inherently useless.

So here’s the thing... instead of asking people to stop self diagnosing, what you should instead be asking yourself is, “Why do people self diagnose? What kind of medical system could possibly be in place where people feel they need to resort to self diagnosis rather than get an actual diagnosis?”

Well, it’s mainly common knowledge among most of the autistic community that diagnosis is NOT easy to come by.

One of the main reasons why people cannot get a diagnosis is due to financial/insurance reasons. It’s reasonable to estimate that by the end of 2020 almost 30 million Americans alone were without health insurance. I’ve heard costs out of pocket for an autism diagnosis are between $500-$6000. If a person or a family cannot afford health insurance—which by the way on average is around $5,400 a year for a single person and $13,800 for a family here—where are they supposed to pull out $6,000 to get screened?

You might be asking, “Well aren’t insurances supposed to cover disability?” Sure, there are options for disability care through health insurance—not even going to get into that—but like a lot of things in the US, this is a severely flawed system. A lot of private health insurance will stop or limit coverage for an autism diagnosis or assistance services once a person reaches 18 to 21 years old. In most states, coverage has a higher chance of being denied to autistic adults coming with the added age cap or ONLY covering ABA, an abusive, manipulative “therapy” used to force social compliance and trait suppression on autistic people. The fact that ABA, a conversion therapy, is covered, but little else, shows exactly what insurance companies think of autistic people: they’ll only cover us if we want to learn to be “normal”. This can leave many undiagnosed autistic adults who cannot afford analysis, insurance, or safe assistance services with nowhere to turn. If I was not on my parents’ insurance, there is NO WAY I would EVER be able to afford a diagnosis. I don’t have $2,000 lying around. The MONEY ALONE would prohibit me from getting a diagnosis, no matter how many autistic traits I presented.

When I was going through this system years ago to start a diagnosis, I was shocked to find no therapist within three hours of me was accepting adult patients. “Up to 18 only” their websites would say. And in the event I had found one (1) that accepted me as a then 20 year old with X insurance, and that person refused me diagnosis, I would be out of options unless I planned a 5 hour drive which may have also led me to another biased screener. A person seeking self financed assessment can waste thousands of dollars therapist hopping.

People will say, “Well I live in X place, and where I come from, it’s covered!” Well the reality is that everyone in the world does not live where you live. It’s not realistic to assume everyone is in the same position as you or your family to afford care or access the same resources as you. When you say, “Just go out and get a diagnosis! It’s not that hard!”, understand you are speaking from your personal vantage point where screening may be easily accessed or easily covered/is free OR you have no personal knowledge of what that process is like yourself.

The second thing that bars a ton of people from being diagnosed is the fact that when autism was first discovered, its research was HEAVILY centered on white, cis, heterosexual men. The idea that autistic people are ONLY cis, white, heterosexual men carries on to this day. If you are an outlier to this stereotype, your chances of being misdiagnosed with something else or refused diagnosis skyrocket because so-called “professionals” don’t know how to observe traits in any other person besides a cis, white, heterosexual man, and refuse/fail to recognise the endless ways in which a person can be autistic. ALL the time I hear how AFAB people will go in to get screened only to find out their screener does not believe AFAB people can be autistic, because yes, sexism and anti-lgbtq+ ideas play a huge role in the incredibly outdated diagnostic process, because autism is still believed to be an “AMAB only” thing. People report going into a therapists office and being asked questions like, “Do you like going outside? Do you like having friends?” and being told that if you agree with either of these, you cannot be autistic because criteria at some places is so backwards, you can’t even say you enjoy conversation without failing the test. Other things commonly heard during the analysis are screeners telling someone they are too smart/articulate to be autistic, gas lighting them by saying they are mistaking their symptoms for something else/making them up, telling a person they seem normal, dismissing clear autistic traits by saying they’re unique “superpowers”, or intentionally misdiagnosing a person as ADHD INSTEAD of autistic. People on social media have also pointed out what influences racism has on the diagnostic process as well and how lack of research and understanding of autistic POC contributes to under-diagnosis and stigma has only contributed to refusal of care and under-representation of POC in the disabled community, as one autistic Black woman points out on Instagram, “I found excellent articles that support and validate my feelings and experiences, but I could find no research on autistic Black people.” Additionally, because research has primarily been done on young men, this means anyone who is not a cis man and is over the age of 18 and is seeking a diagnosis has a much higher chance of not receiving one because screeners don’t understand how autistic traits may present differently in adults, especially since adults are very likely to mask. Some autism screeners are so against autism they have told clients they would only diagnosis a person autistic if it was their last resort to avoid “placing a burden on their shoulders”. These reasons are largely responsible for why autism is incredibly mis/under-diagnosed. This ask would be the length of a novel if I included every single type of discrimination and mistreatment during the evaluation process alone, but understand it can be incredibly biased, sexist, transphobic, racist, or just flat out ableist. And guess what? Though this process can take as little as a month to get sorted, that is rare. The assessment SHOULD be very short. But a lot of autistic people have reported their diagnosis took more than 2-4 years because of having to waste time, energy, and money hopping from therapist to therapist looking for someone to take them seriously, as many autistic people compiled on the actuallyautistictiktoks page on Instagram point out.

The last thing I want to touch on is this idea that people have that self diagnosing is dangerous. “What if someone self diagnoses and they take advantage of services that are meant for autistic people?” ...The Big Things you think I am going to take advantage of as a self diagnosed autistic person, like scholarship money for instance or SSDI, I do not have legal access to without a formal diagnosis. I cannot waltz into a law firm and ask for a $5,000 scholarship for autistic people without a diagnosis, because they WILL NOT give it to me!

Let me tell you some of things I’ve “cruelly taken advantage of” as a self diagnosed autistic person. I bought glasses with blue light protection, because screen and fluorescent lighting at work and even natural blue toned light from the sky lowers my threshold for some sensory input like noise and social interaction; wearing them to work everyday has improved my sensory thresholds incredibly. I’ve talked to my manager and told him I’m autistic and that I have a hard time understanding vague direction and may need to step away briefly on occasion to tend to a shutdown before a meltdown comes on at work; he had no problem with this. I use subtitles; sometimes I have trouble processing audio or reading facial expressions and tone, and being able to see the words displayed on the screen gives me a significantly better understanding of what I watch. All my life, I have been having meltdowns which I had mistaken for mental breakdowns or panic attacks and having access to resources that walked me through preventative methods and tips on what to do if I have one has been ENORMOUSLY helpful to me. All my life, I was trying to deal with them thinking they were something else; becoming aware of this and accepting that they are in fact autistic meltdowns has helped me not only go through them, but has helped me redirect stims which at their worst previously had me hitting and clawing my arms, slapping my face, and even hitting my head. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait 4 years for a diagnosis to use resources I could be using to make my life more accessible right now!

People will say, “Oh well yeah, I don’t mean You are one of Those Types of self diagnosed autistic people, you clearly sound/look autistic, I’m talking about other people.” The thing is, there is no broad “sounding/looking autistic”, that’s stereotyping, and you can’t demand everyone who interacts with you show you their Autistic Card, because again, not everyone is able to be diagnosed, especially given the mistreatment and stigma present towards autistic people in the medical field! And what made you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “don’t seem autistic” to you? Why didn’t you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “seemed autistic” to you? By denying anyone who doesn’t have a diagnosis resources they may very well need, you are denying assistance to thousands of people who are without means to be diagnosed. And I am SO tired of seeing comments online on self diagnosis posts that “people don’t know what they’re taking about” as if they know us personally, like are you me? Are you my doctor I’ve consulted? Did you watch me academically research and consult with other autistic people about being autistic for over 3 years? I’m tired of “well, one time a self diagnosed person laughed at my actually autistic diagnosed friend...so all self dx people are evil” because there is ZERO correlation between a person being self assessed and their behavior towards a non self assessed person. The fact both those arguments are in use whenever self dx comes up is yet another form of gatekeeping.

Self diagnosing autism is not begging for attention or Evil Criminal Money Funneling Schemes. It is a result of a deeply flawed medical and insurance system that has failed to give proper attention and care to those who need it, it is a result of resources not made available, of safe support systems not there for kids and adults alike. You want to talk about what’s truly dangerous? How the hate group Autism Speaks has been parading itself around since 2005 as an advocacy group for autistic people and has been misusing millions of dollars worth of donation money and promoting stigma and hatred around autistic people; no autistic members are present on their board. How Sia and her new film Music was nominated for 2 Golden Globes despite it replacing the original autistic actor with a neurotypical actor, using offensive stereotypes, and using the main autistic character as a prop, and featured an extremely dangerous bodily restraint scene on an autistic person having a meltdown in public and featured very insensitive content due to Sia’s lack of consulting with autistic people to make the film (spoilers in that article).

Instead of policing autistic people, whether they fit your idea of what an autistic person is or not, redirect your efforts and your energy to dismantling systems and holding others accountable for perpetuating harmful stereotypes about autistic people that are legitimately dangerous on such a scale that they have created insurmountable damage to the autistic community. But I guarantee you, worrying over whether your classmate is “faking it” will not do any justice to the decades worth of discrimination autistic people face still today.

I understand. You care about the community, you don’t want autistic people to be exploited or taken advantage of. I don’t want to be exploited and taken advantage of as an autistic person, and I don’t want that for others! But I also understand that when we self proclaim ourselves as judges of random autistic strangers on the internet or start accusing people of faking or demanding to see medical paperwork from people when the basis of our suspicions is “this person doesn’t look like my stereotyped view on how I think an autistic person should act”, THAT is when you really run into trouble. Because if you are allowed to deny self dx people entrance into the autistic community, what’s stopping you from thinking you have the power to deny ANYONE entrance into that community?

And there is power in self diagnosis for many autistic people. When the evaluation system is literally rigged to set you up for failure and put you through unnecessary hardship, self dx is a self affirming, empowering tool to take back control from a process designed to gaslight and crush you. The evaluation process was NOT formulated by an autistic person, nor was it made to be inclusive of all autistic people. Until the evaluation system in place for autistic people is safe, accessible, and free to ALL, you have EVERY right to self diagnose.

#like this isn’t even half of what I want to say #but I’m gonna stop cos this is So Long #no clowns in my inbox pls #long post #ableism #autism #actually autistic #ok to rb

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80s4life · 3 years

Text

God Help Me*

Word Count: 2,306

Status: Not Requested!

Fandom: Orange Is The New Black

A/N: Just watched some more of oitnb and felt that Joe was an underrated character. So, here's something dirty for the dirty dog!

Relationship: Joe Caputo x Female Reader

Summary: (Based loosely on S3:E7 (”Tongue-Tied”) where the new recruits for security are supposed to be getting the 40 hours of training, but denied by the new employers. Specifically, when Bayley makes his mistake with the pepper spray incident, Caputo is outraged, in the need of a break. Luckily, you know how to ease his tension.

Warnings: language, age-gap pairing, against laws, forbidden, smut, retardation name calling (once, not me though, a line from the show!)

Taglist: @intersellars-the-networks-of-eve @snapessecretdiary

Masterlist Orange Is The New Black Masterlist

{gif is not mine, credits to @thompsonconnors}

"What the fuck was that?" Joe Caputo asks, confused and struggling to keep up with the messes every corner he turns. "You assess the situation and you respond with the appropriate level of force! And you never, ever, ever discharge your weapon unless it's absolutely necessary!" he continues, not done just yet. "And if you do, and that weapon happens to be pepper spray, you better damn well make sure you're upwind!"

Bayley, the new recruit, alongside Donaldson, a long-term member of this prison, look down, ashamed of themselves. Blinking their eyes every so often, the pain in their eyes searing with the combination of the regret in how they got in this position in the first place and the stinging pepper spray.

Motioning towards Bayley, Caputo continues with his mantra, "You are a trigger-happy knucklehead who just got out of diapers," now turning his attention to Donaldson, "But you, how could you let this happen?" he finishes, exasperated.

Donaldson, finding some courage, fires back, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not a nanny." He may have screwed up, but he is not putting his life on the line for an idiot.

"No! You are an officer with 20 plus years' experience, and your job was to impart some wisdom on fucking Baby Huey over here!" Caputo spits, motioning towards Bayley once more.

"Well, this is what happens when you put untrained officers in gen pop," Donaldson says once more, although very quickly and almost fearfully. As if he were a child talking back to his parents.

"You don't think I know that? I fucking know that!" Caputo says once more, placing a hand over his head, letting out a tired sigh as he walks back behind his desk. "Bayley, I should be firing your ass," he motion towards the young man with two pointed fingers.

"I know," is all he manages meekly.

"But, it's your first day, so I'm gonna chalk this up to mental retardation. If you so much as look at an inmate wrong in the next week, you're out of here!" Caputo motions with a "whoosh." Now looking Bayley up and down in disbelief, he catches the small paper taped to his chest as well, "Take that stupid fucking name tag off."

As the men nod once more, he finishes with, "Now go! Get your asses down to medical and get an eyewash. And read the stupid fucking manuals!" he grunts, shaking the book in question and slamming it on his desk as the officers leave.

Throwing himself into his chair, he almost considers kicking and flailing around like a child in order to let off steam, but he is quickly denied the chance as you knock and burst through his office within a second.

“Sir.”

“What is it now?” he asks quietly, a hand holding his head up by his chin, fingers covering his now closed eyes.

“Well- uhm- well...” you continue, quite nervous as you don’t know where his hostility had come from, you being unsure whether it was your doing or not. It was uncharted waters you weren’t sure on stepping into or not.

“What. Is. It!?” he yells now, eyes wide open, hands clutching the ends of his armrests. Making you yelp and jump a bit, taking a few steps back into the doorway.

Seeing this reaction, he sighs once more, taking in your wide eyes and slightly tense posture, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. It’s been a long day, okay?”

“I-I understand sir.”

“How many times have I told you to call me Joe, or Caputo if that’s what floats your boat?” he says, an attempt to coax you out of your startled state.

“I’m sorry s- Caputo. I only wanted to tell you that I bought ya’ something. A little gift, I guess.” you say, a blush tinting your cheeks.

“What? You didn’t have to get me anything!” He smiles now, relieving you, and bringing a smile to your own features at his now somewhat upbeat mood.

“Well, ya’ know...I remember you telling me about a band of yours, right?” you ask.

“Yeah,” he smirks, looking back at fond memories and the new ones with his new band.

“Well, since your style of music was rock, and I just so happened to be in the area of a new music store, I found some goodies there!” Pulling a seat in front of his desk, you grab the wrapped presents from the waistband of your belt, having hidden it behind your back in attempt to completely surprise him.

He smiles at your childish antics, lightly taking the wrapped good from your small, delicate hands. Unwrapping the smallest one, he finds a box underneath the covers. Opening it, his smile grows bigger as his eyes meet a black guitar pick, a skull etched into it and painted white.

His eyes meet yours for a second, a fondness there, looking back down once more as he admires it. “I love it,” he says after a second.

“That’s not all!” you say, excited now as he already likes one of the things you’ve picked out for him, pulling out a medium-sized present next. You take this sudden change of attitude as a sign, wanting to hopefully ease the stresses the guards and staff have been taking, especially Joe.

Taking it from your hands once more, your hands make contact, the blush on your face intensifying a little more. Unwrapping the present, he finds a black bandanna, his band name printed onto it, matching the guitar pick. He giggles at this, tying it around his head for your view.

You laugh as well as you go to hand him the biggest and last of the presents, his eyes lighting up once he finds what it is. “Nu-uh! You didn’t! This must’ve cost a fortune!” he almost yells now, a genuine leather guitar strap in his grip as he jumps up from his seat.

“No, actually they gave me a little discount on it. It took a lot of searching to get the one you’ve been specifically looking for, but the guy said I was cute- anyway! I just thought you needed these since work has been beating your ass,” you say, smirking lightly.

“You didn’t need to do this,” he says, settling back into his seat as he grasps your hands lightly, still star-struck as he looks at the strap still in his hand.

The gesture was innocent, but as time goes on, you blush a deep red, him still not letting go of your hands. Noticing this, he goes to pull away, clearing his throat, standing, and straightening out his suit. There, you notice a slight tent in his pants, igniting a flame in your belly.

“Well, thank you Miss Y/L/N, these were very nice...”

“Anytime...” you say slyly, dragging on your words as you stand as well, not bothering to fix your pants as it sticks tightly to your ass and thighs.

He looks down, gulping as he takes in your curves he usually tries to ignore, clearing his throat once more as his eyes meet yours. Only now did he realize the close proximity between the two of you, you intending to lean in and fix his tie. As you do so, he grabs your hand, pulling it away, “Don’t tempt me. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“Oh, I’m pretty damn sure I do,” you say as you pull him down to your height by the tie, pulling at the base of his neck, kissing him now.

Breaking apart for a moment, you make your way around the desk, perching yourself atop it as you pull him between your legs, kissing him once more. Tongues fighting for dominance, you tease him, sucking on it, and nibbling on his lips. He growls, the tent now very evident in his pants, the tightness an annoying constriction.

He pulls away once more, going to lock his office door, having placed a ‘On a lunch break’ sign above his name. Making his way back over to you, his lips attach to yours once more, moving to remove your weaponry belt. You do the same, unbuttoning the top of his dress shirt, moving to leave kisses, bites and hickeys.

Continuing your attack, you move your hand to his belt, working quickly as he unbuttons your shirt, exposing your constricted, perky breasts. He grunts once more, adding to your eagerness as you finally get his belt out of the loops. Now both full of impatience, you unleash his cock, him doing the same for your breasts and pants. Completely removing everything from your being, leaving your half-unbuttoned shirt.

Not wasting time, he starts to work your clit, moisturizing ever bit of you as he collects it and moves his finger in all the most special parts, lubricating your core with ease. You grip his cock, teasing it as you run your finger along the slit at the top, precum already oozing. Looking him in the eyes, you notice his golden browns now a dark chocolate eyes, admiration sparkling them as he looks back at you.

You moan as he enters a finger into your core, soon adding another as you loosen yourself for him. Finally, when he deems you ready, he reaches into one of the desk drawers, pulling out a condom. Motioning to him, he hands it over, letting you take over and do the honors. He simply places both arms on either side of your form, caging you in his embrace, smirking down at you.

Finally, once the condom was rolled onto his member, he goes to line himself up to your entrance, tip placed right at the beginning, not crossing the threshold just yet. “Are you sure?” is all he asks, wanting consent.

Knowing that this is wrong, you contemplate your options. You have already thought of the many ways he could take you, having been attracted to the older man for many years. Looking him in the eyes, you nod, “I’ve wanted this for too fucking long.”

With this new reassurance, he thrusts deeply, not giving you a chance to adjust just yet, pushing in and not stopping until he’s bottomed out. Taking a breath, you relish in the familiar sting of being stretched out, leaning back on your elbows for a minute. When you’re finally ready, you grab onto his shoulders, nodding once again.

He starts slow, not wanting to hurt you, but, as you bite his pulse point, he jumps, taking the hint. Pounding into you mercilessly now, you moan and scream loudly, meeting his thrusts with the same momentum and speed, wanting this just as much as he does.

Instead, wanting to hold onto this feeling for as long as you can manage, you busy yourself with admiring and teasing the man before you. Specifically when he switches positions slightly, hitting your g-spot, your hands find their way into the tiny tufts of hair remaining on his balding scalp. Tugging lightly, he groans, pounding harder.

“Fuck!” you choke out, “I’m gonna cum! Joe! I’m gonna cum!”

“Just hold on a bit more, I’m almost there!”

Using his hands, he moves one to your clit, rubbing hard circles, intensifying the pleasure. You moan, the pleasure almost too much for you, settling for leaning your head on his chest. The chest hair tickles your nose, making you giggle between whimpers, kissing him there every so often.

With all your strength, you try to maintain your composure, the knot in your stomach begging for release. But, as you feel his dick twitch, the veins touching every inch of your walls deliciously, you couldn’t hold on any longer, milking his cock. With the sudden tightness and feeling of warmth bursting against him, he continues to thrust just a few seconds more, riding you through your orgasm as he meets his.

As he slowly comes down from his high, he sighs peacefully, placing his head underneath yours and in the crevice of your neck. You kiss the top of his head as you take his weight, leaning back on your hands, one wrapped around his neck. After a moment, as he now goes soft within your being, he pulls out, disposing the condom.

Smiling, the two of you joke and throw clothes at each other as you get changed again. “So what are we now, Joe?”

“Well, it’d be fucked up to say nothing after mind-blowing-sex, now wouldn’t it?”

“I guess...So does that mean we’re together?”

“Do you want to? I would’a thought a young girl like you would want someone who can keep up with ya’?”

“I mean yeah...but they aren’t you, Joe. I want you,” you say honestly.

“Shit...” he mutters, smiling now, “This is the best thing that’s happened to me all day.”

“Is that a ‘yeah’?”

“Hell yeah it is!” he says happily, “Now how about round 2?”

“You’re on Old Man,” you say giggling, hopping into his lap on his desk, kissing him once more.

However your giggling and kisses get cut short with a knock on the door. You sigh, getting off of him not and making sure your clothes are straightened out.

“I guess not...” you say defeated.

“Well...Not right now,” Joe answers, going to the door, giving a sly wink as he opens it.

Work is only temporary, you know this. You’ll get all the time you need with him tonight.

#joe caputo x reader #joe caputo imagine #joe caputo #oitnb #oitnb imagine #orange is the new black #orange is the new black imagine #alan aisenberg #bayley #nick sandow #nick sandow imagine #nick sandow x reader #donaldson

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baratrongirl · 3 years

Text

Character headcanons

Klavier Gavin from Ace Attorney!

1: sexuality headcanon

Bisexual. Possibly pansexual, but I’m going with my usual personal definitions here where “bisexual” = “attracted to more than one gender” and “pansexual” = “attracted to all genders”. I can’t see Klavier being attracted to uber-butch or very masculine people - no 6′5″ weightlifting lumberjacks with loads of body hair and big beards, for example. I think he is attracted primarily to people who are cute rather than gorgeous, and falls in love with people based on their brains.

2: otp

Klapollo. Surprise! Though I also very much like Klavier/Apollo as a romantic partnership with Ema Skye as their aromantic best friend and fuckbuddy. I do also like Klema as long as there’s a good reason why Apollo isn’t involved (e.g. he’s straight, and he and Klavier are very close friends but can never be a couple because of incompatible sexuality.)

3: brotp

Klavier & Simon Blackquill. They kinda have a lot in common. They’re both prosecutors, they both have a sibling in prison, they both have a public persona which isn’t very much like their private personality... They may have even been friends when Klavier was 17/18, before Simon went to prison to protect Athena.

Klavier & Miles Edgeworth. They have both been under a lot of pressure for too long, having become prosecutors so ridiculously young. They both speak German to some extent. (Word of God states that Klavier isn’t actually German but spent two years studying there, so he must speak the language well enough to be able to pass the bar exam). Their personalities might seem like opposites - flamboyant, extroverted Klavier vs reserved, introverted Miles, but that isn’t necessarily a problem. Most of my friends (and both my partners) are introverts.

Klavier & Franziska von Karma. The handful of stories where the two characters appear together usually have the vibe that Franziska has no respect for Klavier at all because of his “fake” German accent. But I did read the most awesome story where he asks her how she knows that she’s “really” German, and goes on to explain that his parents were German but he was born in the US, and his brother forbade him from ever speaking the language after his parents died. So he feels weirdly trapped between cultures, and isn’t even properly fluent. It’s great and a fantastic headcanon if you like Actual German Gavin brothers.

Klavier & Trucy Wright. They’re both performers and can learn from each other. They both understand the public persona vs private personality thing. They both care for Apollo.

Klavier & Phoenix Wright. I actually love the idea that Phoenix forgave Klavier years ago for his part in the disbarment process - that he realised that some 17 year old newbie couldn’t possibly have acquired a vendetta against him, and that it was all Kristoph all along. I like the idea that despite their mere 7/8 year age difference, Phoenix still sees Klavier as one of his “kiddos”.

Klavier & Kristoph Gavin. Yeah, I like his actual brother as a brotp. There is one (1) 4Koma comic strip which suggests that Kristoph was manipulative and gaslighting towards Klavier even from his early teens, but those comics are supposedly not canon. Since people are, in real life, far more nuanced than simply wearing black or white hats, I genuinely like the idea that Kristoph was a bad person but a good brother.

4: notp

Klavier & Clay Terran. Klavier/Apollo/Clay as a polyamorous triad is done a fair bit and I really hate it, no offense to those who do ship it.

Klavier & Nahyuta Sahdmadhi. They have the “terribly pretty men/NB people” thing in common, but I just don’t see why Klavier would overlook the Apollo that he knows and trusts in favour of his sibling. It makes no sense.

Klavier & Trucy Wright. Too much of an age gap even assuming that Trucy is already over 18.

Klavier & Athena Cykes. There’s a bit of an age gap too, but honestly, my main objection is based on personality. Athena is so gods damned perky and Klavier has a serious melancholic/introspective streak. Also Athena has highly sensitive hearing and Klavier likes to play his music loud. I can’t see them even managing to share a house, let alone have a romantic relationship!

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

He’s a terrible flirt but doesn’t know how to cope when he’s flirted with. If Apollo actually starts flirting back, Klavier.exe will stop functioning.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

Like... Everything? I mean, I’m not famous, nor a prosecutor, and I’m certainly not beautiful like he is. But he’s very intelligent, he’s extremely passionate about what he does, he loves rock music, he’s a huge nerd...

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

17 year old Klavier in court with his dark glasses and arrogance. Oh gods, make it stop!

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Cinnamon roll with spikes.

#klavier gavin #ace attorney #character headcanons #klapollo #ask me meme #no one asked me #I just answered for my fave

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chanfictions · 3 years

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May I request a Mei x fem reader drabble? Where R is a elite jonin and guards/accompanies Tsunade when she goes to the Kage summit. R overhears Mei get annoyed with Ao or another kage and rages over not having a husband. And a flirty enamored reader intervenes a says, I can't help you find a husband but how about a wife? With naughty teasing and propositions?

This didn't go quite as planned, though I still like how it turned out. I struggled to get in the mindset of a jonin that would overtly hit on a Kage at a summit like this, so I took a slightly different route. I hope you still enjoy it, though!

Wife

Mei Terumi x !femReader - drabble

The Five Kage Summit.

Being chosen out of a sea of elite jonin to accompany the Hokage for such an important event should have been enough to make your head spin with honor and delight. Danger lurked around every corner with who knows how many would-be assassins dotting the trail all the way to the Land of Iron. Only shinobi of a certain skill caliber could be trusted with this task, and you were one of them.

You had a singular focus: get the Hokage there and back in one piece. At least, that should have been your singular focus. Instead, after arriving in the snow-swamped mountains, you found your mind adrift again, thinking about a certain someone who you knew would also be in attendance at this event.

Mei Terumi. You nearly sighed audibly, almost letting her name slip softly from your lips as heat crept through your cheeks. The gorgeous, fiery, strong, single Mizukage had been occupying your mind for much of the trip. You met her once at another similar convention of Kage on a different protection detail, and boy were you smitten. She epitomized the 'strong, independent woman' archetype, welding jutsu that could literally make the hearts of men melt in a fiery sea of lava and steam. You admired her, both for her strength as a shinobi and just for being one of the most attractive beings to have ever graced the earth. To say you had a crush on the woman would be a laughable understatement.

With a light stretch of your arms, you stifled a yawn as you made your way back to your quarters. Your shift was over, and it was time for some very much-needed sleep. However, you paused upon hearing a bit of a ruckus up ahead.

"Ma'am, that wasn't what I meant!" A man with a patch covering one eye stammered while quickly backpedaling out of the room.

"Ao, get out, or die."

In the doorway stood the object of your quiet obsession, wearing a saccharine smile as acrid fumes all but steamed around her body. Whatever had just transpired between the two left Mei quite literally fuming and ready to make good on that seemingly playful threat. Apparently being quite aware about the Mizukage's intent to follow through, Ao scurried around the corner out of sight without another word.

You swallowed hard, feeling sweat begin to coat your palms as that gorgeous, ginger creature turned her blazing sights on you. It took a concentrated effort to not completely devour her with your eyes. "Good evening, Lady Mizukage," you stammered nervously, trying to pretend like you hadn't heard anything.

She let out a quiet sigh, the forced smile pulling at her lips began to drop as Ao turned the corner. With her single visible, glimmering orb focused on you now, she paused for a moment. "Good evening… I'm sorry, have we met before? You look so strangely familiar. Your headband - are you one of Lady Tsunade’s bodyguards?"

With a blush staining your cheeks and heat creeping into your ears, you smiled nervously, adjusting the metal atop your head. Your heart thumped wildly in your chest. Oh gods, she's talking to me. "Y-yes, that's right. We met at the last summit. I'm off duty at the moment, though. Excuse me if this is an intrusive question, but is everything alright? You seem upset." You chewed your lip, deciding to abandon your previous plan to play dumb.

Mei sighed again, a forlorn look beginning to overtake her beautiful features. "Oh, it's nothing someone like you would need to worry about, dear." Her eyes scanned you for a moment as though searching for something, before looking away again. "So young, you have plenty of time," she breathed despondently.

Blinking curiously, you tilted your head as you made your way toward her door so as to lessen the volume of your conversation. The closer you stepped, the faster your heart beat. "Time?" You inquired in confusion. "For what, exactly?"

The Mizukage turned away with a mournful exhale. "Marriage. A husband. A family."

You giggled quietly, but quickly tried to recover so as to not be offensive to the clearly distraught woman of your dreams. "Oh, Lady Mizukage, I'm… not looking for a husband." Your face flamed as you bit your lip, a suggestive tone creeping into your voice.

"Heavens, why not? A beautiful young lady like you would have no problem finding a husband," Mei seemed confounded, blinking away the light mist of tears that seemed to be clinging to her eyelashes. She focused on you intently, fully taking you in, and now seeming to have found what she was searching for.

"Well," you continued as you looked into her entrancing gaze with a coy smile pulling at your lips. "Because I'd rather have a wife."

"A wife?" Mei mused, looking at you curiously with a new spark in her eye, seeming to be seeing you in a new light. "I suppose I hadn't fully considered that as an option." A soft, flirty hum hung in her throat as her magnificent stare seemed to penetrate your uniform. "Why don't you come in and tell me more about this little proposition of yours. Or better yet, perhaps you could show me."

Your heart fluttered its way into your throat as she caught you in an intense, lustful storm, reaching out and grasping your wrist. Your eyes flicked both directions along the hallway as you took a moment to sense if anyone was aware of this conversation. Canoodling with the Mizukage during such an important summit could be political suicide, but the danger of such a thing gave you such a rush. "Lady Mizukage," you breathed.

"Come in, or die," she smiled teasingly, the curl at her lips now a genuine one as she gave your arm a playful tug and pulled you into the room, locking the door behind you.

#mei terumi #mei terumi x reader #naruto x reader #naruto imagines #chanswers #chanfictions

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