#i think i was having a lot of anxiety when i first made this

[u3pxx]

PLEASEEE can you elaborate on the gavinners i cant stop looking at them theyre so pretty

sometimes i forget that outside of my friends and servers, i don't really talk much about my gavinners boys* huh! so basically, i originally wanted to make them so i could beef up turnabout serenade in my roleswap au, kind of like turnabout samurai where you have a lot more characters which in turn means a lot more suspects!

but then i realized, wait, i need to make them in the canon-verse first before i could make their swap au counterparts! and so now they exist pftt

here y'all go, i'm gonna be copy-pasting the character descriptions i wrote for them during art fight pftt <3

🥁 DEIDRE MINUENDO

Height: 5'7" (170 cm), 5'9.5" (176) with boots on Birthday: Jul 7 ♋︎ | Pronouns: He/Him, She/Her, They/Them

Deidre is the seemingly gloomy and stoic drummer of the band The Gavinners! At first, it could be difficult to get a read on them but despite all that, they're just like that because they prefer saving their energy. It might not look like it, but Deidre enjoys company even if they're not the most chatty with it and thrives the most when they are around other people (she prefers it if she's around the people closest to her though). Deidre is pretty sensitive and an emotional person even if they don't outwardly express it. To the people close to them, Deidre has a sarcastic streak and can be pretty snappy when it comes to teasing. She can dish it but she can't take it however as they can get slightly irritated when they're teased back. Even if they are a rockstar, they can get embarrassed when people praise or say nice things about them to their face, he tends to brush affection if even if he is secretly flattered by it (he's not gonna admit it though pftt) They also enjoy doodling here and there and like stuffed animals (they have a few of their own!)

Deidre was the closest to Daryan so the events of 4-3 affected him immensely. They felt betrayed and confused and tried to deny that Daryan would be capable of taking another person's life; they scrambled to do everything to protect Daryan from omitting information and even lying on the stand. In the end, all of their efforts were for naught and they felt incredibly guilty for what they've done, especially since she started antagonizing Preston when he was starting to suspect Daryan. They cut themselves off from the group, their job, and stardom. They ended up severely depressed and started to rarely go outside anymore. Only Doremy (Daryan's twin, also a close friend of his) was able to reach him during this time while Viva tried to but he kept refusing to see him. It took them a long time to finally be able to reconnect with the group and it took them a lot of help and support to be able to be well again. Deidre carries Daryan's betrayal to the group heavily and it took a while for her to start forgiving herself.

⚡ VIVA CHI

Age: 25 | Height: 5'9" (175 cm) Birthday: Jan 1 ♑︎ | Pronouns: He/Him

Viva is the lively and energetic bassist of the band The Gavinners! Though he may seem goofy and a little unserious, he actually is pretty responsible and is the mediator of the band (as the eldest brother of his siblings and the eldest of the band, he kind of made that his responsibility). He's a forensic scientist and has always had an interest in science alongside music ever since he was young (he thinks Ema is very pretty but she finds him annoying pftt). Viva was the last one to join the band when they were all in high school and despite his extroverted personality, felt a little shy at the time getting to know a new group of people (it's because Preston was there who he may or may not have crushed at while in high-school.) He's a lover of all things caffeinated (especially energy drinks though he should really pace himself) which isn't always the best match to the fact that he's got terrible anxiety and thinks himself down a spiral when he gets too worried.

Once the band disbanded after the events of AA4, Viva, though left in a bad place with his anxiety shot through the roof, fared better compared to the other members. He tried his best to keep in touch with everyone with varying successes despite Daryan's arrest being fresh and hurt. - visiting Daryan in prison to hear his side of the story - popping in to check at Preston in his office because the guy started to take worse care of himself - contacting Deidre even if she was trying to isolate and cut herself from everyone and looking out for Klavier even if he buried himself in his work He took a break from music like everyone else, he still hopes one day they can meet up and play music again, not even as a band, but as a group of friends who loved creating music.

🦇 PRESTON KEISS

Age: 25 | Height: 6'1" (185 cm) Birthday: Oct 25 ♏︎ | Pronouns: He/Him

Preston is the mysterious yet magnetic keyboardist of the Gavinners! Tall, dark, and bewitching; Preston is aware of the impression people have of him at first glance and likes to use that preconception to surprise and even catch people off-guard by purposely being silly or crass. He has a number of odd quirks and mannerisms that he doesn't realize he has, people tend to notice but they often let it pass because he is very handsome (pretty privilege lmao). Preston can sometimes be mischievous and finds certain things amusing only to him even if others don't find it as funny. He's always had an interest in horror and the macabre ever since he was a young boy which developed into a great fascination with the special effects used in old and new horror films alike. (He can be a bit jumpy when watching movies even if he loves to do it, he can't help it if the movie gets to him!) He plays up his whole immortal vampire schtick because the fans tend to theorize if he really was one. (He is not, he'd love to be one though pftt) Preston is very stubborn and adamant about his opinions and can be difficult to sway if he thinks he's correct; he is also quite awkward when it comes to personal matters, as can be seen in his strained relationship with his older sister and whatever romantic thing he's trying to achieve with Viva. He's used to acting larger than life when the cameras are on but being raw and honest has him feeling a little embarrassed and stilted. Preston smokes and keeps it a secret. (Don't tell Viva that!)

Preston was the first person in the band to start suspecting Daryan which he mostly kept to himself at first but wouldn't deny when you asked him (Deidre did not like that.) After Lamirior accused Daryan in court, Preston was determined to make Deidre confront the truth (unfortunately, not taking in why Deidre might be upset and in denial about it) which caused them to have a fight (with Viva being unsuccessful in de-escalating it.) After the Gavinners disbanded, Preston didn't feel very well after Daryan got sent to prison and lost contact with Deidre (whom he hasn't talked to since the case. [he misses them.]) He seemed fine afterward with his workload seeming to increase though upon closer inspection, he's started taking worse care of himself, skipping meals, and losing his interest in music. Preston has a lot of baggage to sort through regarding his friends and his family that will be difficult and painful for him to confront, but rest assured, he's gonna come out of it happy and well.

and here's a compilation of some very old turnabout serenade drawings too :^]

(i didnt make dei's bday turnabout serenade on purpose, it was a tragic happy accident DFGHDJ i wanted his bday to be 7/7 bc i made daryan 6/6 but then the date. i realize the date orz)

#also i dont think ive mentioned this before but ive been thinking about preston being somewhere in the autism spectrum too :^] #ace attorney #deidre minuendo #viva chi #preston keiss #klavier gavin #daryan crescend #the gavinners #sunnysidedoodles #den's gavinners tag #den's ocs tag #sunnysideanswers #id in alt text #described

[basketonthedoorstepofthefbi]

Shaking (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: You have an anxiety attack in a public setting, but luckily, the doctor is there to help you through it.

Word Count: 2450

Warnings: Anxiety attack, mild cursing, mostly just ANGST and then comforting FLUFF

A/N: Wanted to write Spence comforting the reader during a panic attack. Fanfiction is better than therapy, right? At least, it’s cheaper! Also not my GIF

——

“You don’t want to just order it online?” Spencer asked as you walked beside him down the sidewalk. His longer legs would typically mean that he’d be several steps ahead of you, but he always slowed his pace so you wouldn’t have to strain to keep up with him. He also walked on the outside of the path because, let’s face it, he was a gentleman.

You shook your head. “No, I want the whole experience,” you said excitedly as you walked, your face lighting up in anticipation. You were on your way towards a local bookstore, where the third book in your favorite series was being released today. The bookstore was going to be packed, but you were so excited to be one of the first ones in the door, to get your hands on a physical copy. “I don’t ever do things like this, but it’ll be something I think about every time I look at the book sitting on my shelf.”

Spencer nodded, lifting his hand, his thumb and forefinger in an O-shape as he spoke. “Ah, the age-old concept of symbolic treasures. One of the main reasons why souvenirs are such a prevalent part of going on vacation. Did you know the tradition dates back to Ancient Egypt?”

You shook your head as you continued to walk with him. Your boyfriend carried on without fault. “As far back as 2200 B.C, Egyptian Prince Harkhuf traveled to what is now known as Sudan and returned with all sorts of objects to present to his father, the pharaoh,” Spencer explained. His words spat out quickly, compulsively, as though they had to exit his encyclopedic brain. “He brought back items such as incense, ivory, even the skins of leopards to show off to his father.”

“I had no idea,” you told Spencer as you neared the bookstore, smiling sideways at him. You loved it when he spouted off facts like that, like he had to get the information out or else he’d explode. He had confessed to you more than once before that most people found it weird or off-putting or even annoying, but not you. Rather, you loved learning new things. Whatever information he had to share with you was always relevant in one way or another, and it was just one of the reasons why you loved spending time with him - he made you a more knowledgeable, well-rounded person.

Before either of you could say much else, you’d reached the back of the line of the bookstore. You checked the time on your phone. The store would open in about fifteen minutes. The line stretched down at least a full block, from what you could see. Lots of people dressed like characters from the books, shuffling their feet in excited anticipation.

There were at least a hundred people in the line, and after a minute or two, a couple dozen more had filed in behind where you stood. You pursed your lips for a moment, scanning the crowd until your eyes met Spencer’s.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, inclining his head to the side.

You shook your head. “Nothing,” you said. “Just… lot of people.”

Spencer nodded understandingly, then reached down to take your hand. Your fingers twined with his and he squeezed his palm against yours. “I’m right here,” he reminded you. You didn’t love crowds. They always made you feel anxious, perhaps even a little claustrophobic. You and Spencer had gone to a fairly crowded French film festival a few months ago and there hadn’t been an organized line to enter; rather, it had been a cluster of people, all pressed together. And you had felt like you couldn’t breathe. Spencer’d had to pull you to a seat off to the side so you could catch your breath, and you’d missed getting a seat up front like you’d been hoping for.

Right now, you were okay, though. There were people in front of you and behind you, but they weren’t flush against you like they had been waiting for the film festival to open. And Spencer was holding your hand, and you were outside, with the cool, spring morning breeze hitting your face. It was fine. You were going to be fine. You inhaled deeply and exhaled, then nodded your head, feeling the anxiety dissipate. “I’m good,” you told Spencer, looking up at him.

Spencer nodded. He squeezed your hand once again before letting go, only so he could wrap his arm around your shoulders and tug you so you leaned against his chest. He kissed the top of your hair. “It’s going to be just fine,” he promised you, and you just smiled to yourself.

About ten minutes later, the store opened. You only knew that because the line started moving, and more quickly than you thought. You squealed in delight and matched the pace of the people in front of you, Spencer by your side with an amused grin on his face. He loved books just as much as you did, if not more, but this outing was definitely just for you. He’d read the other preceding books in this series (literally just because you asked him to and it took him an hour, tops), but he wasn’t a total geek for it like you were.

You finally made it inside the bookstore, a small business, a local place. You’d been inside several times before, but you hadn’t realized just how small the building actually was until you stepped in now. It was two stories, but everyone was tightly packed, with the people and the bookshelves crowding around you as you made it fully inside the store. There was even a line to go up to the second floor, like a queue at an amusement park.

There was little to no breathing room. Everyone was talking as they waited their turn to grab a copy of the new book, and the sound seemed to bounce off the walls and the ceiling and smack you right in the ear. The air felt thick despite the front door and handful of windows being opened, allowing the cool spring breeze to ruffle the pages of the paperbacks on display.

But it wasn’t refreshing. Rather, it was another stimulant that caused the neurons in your brain to fire even faster. You felt your palms get slick. You felt your heart start to pound, and your knees wobble as you shuffled forward in the line. What were you even waiting in line for? You momentarily forgot, blinking a few times before looking up at the man beside you. Spencer was engrossed in looking around the bookstore, the corners of his mouth quirking upward as he seemed to find something amusing. But when his eyes came full circle back to you, they were immediately filled with concern. “Y/N?” He asked softly, placing a hand on your shoulder.

You couldn’t even hear him. The sound of his voice just bounced off your brain, like you were trapped inside of cellophane. All you could think was trapped. I’m trapped. No way out. Stuck. Caged. Can’t breathe. Can’t breathe.

You felt your breathing go heavy, and your eyes fill up with tears. Your cheeks were red, bright red, judging from how hot you suddenly felt. “Leave,” you managed to choke out, your voice coming out from your throat. It felt like your throat was lined with thorns, like the words you wanted to say kept getting caught.

Spencer nodded. “Leave? Yeah. Yeah, baby, we can leave,” Spencer grabbed your hand, tugging you along behind him as he murmured “excuse me, pardon me,” to the other patrons, to get through the crowd. Moving against the crowd was so much worse than standing still. All those eyes on you, seeing your red face and the anxious tears trickling down your cheeks. It was so embarrassing, freaking out like this is such a public space. Everyone thinks I’m a freak, you thought. Your anxiety became not about the crowd, but about your anxiety, about how you were being perceived. Your breathing picked up, quickened, and by the time Spencer led you out into the morning sun, you were fully hyperventilating.

The thoughts in your head were racing at the speed of light. You hated feeling nervous like this, but moreover, you hated that Spencer had to take care of you because of it. You felt like you had ruined the day because your head wasn’t on straight, because you couldn’t stand in a crowd of people and hear the cacophony of voices and tamp down your panic.

Spencer led you down the block, about twenty feet from the store, away from the crowd, and your breath was still coming out staccato, unstable as you looked down at your shaking hands. You were crying and hyperventilating and the whole world felt like it was spinning. Spencer kept his hold on your hand and stood in front of you, squeezing his palm against yours. His eyes, those light brown irises with little flecks of green, stared into yours. “Hey, Y/N,” he said, bending his knees so his face was level with yours. “Breathe with me, okay?”

You shook your head, your eyes clamping shut. You were so mad at yourself in that moment. You didn’t want to have Spencer take care of you, to have to drag you out of a bookstore because you were having a panic attack. “Baby, you’re trembling,” you heard Spencer’s voice laced with concern. “Look at me. We’ll get through this together.”

You opened your eyes slowly, and that’s when you realized your entire body was shaking. You looked into Spencer’s eyes and he released your hand so he could cup your face. His fingers anchored under your jaw, his thumbs rested on your cheeks, and his eyes were wide, full of worry, but his voice managed to stay soothing and calm. “Follow my breath, Y/N. Do what I’m doing, okay? In for four, hold for four, out for four.”

He inhaled for 4 seconds, and you tried to follow his lead, but you just couldn’t control your lungs. “It’s okay,” he assured you as your brows furrowed, presenting frustration. “C’mon, try again.” He inhaled for 4 seconds, and you managed to match him this time. “Hold for four,” you held your breath while Spencer counted. “And out for four,” you exhaled deeply. “Good, okay, let’s do it again.”

Spencer guided your breath for a few minutes, until you finally felt like you could do it on your own. And when you finally felt yourself coming down from the rush of panic that had sent you into fight-or-flight, you wiped at your wet eyes. “I’m sorry,” you croaked, and Spencer just shook his head.

“No,” he insisted, taking your hand and placing it on his heart. You could feel it beating through his long-sleeved t-shirt. “No, you don’t have to be sorry.” You rubbed your hand against his chest, finding it comforting as you hung your head. “Baby, look at me,” he requested, and you met his eyes.

“Please don’t ever apologize for having an anxiety attack, okay? For one thing, it’s not your fault. You can’t control the chemicals and waves in your brain and how your body reacts to situations,” Spencer began, his hand on top of yours that rested on his chest. You nodded, using the heel of your free hand to wipe away your tears. The crying was over, you were fairly certain, but god, did this suck. “You also should never feel ashamed for having a panic attack, Y/N. It happened, and we’re working through it. It’s a lot like boiling a pot of water, isn’t it?”

You let out a garbled sounding laugh and your brows furrowed. “How so?” You stammered out.

“Well, you set the pot of water on the stove, right?” Spencer began, and you nodded. “And then when it starts to bubble, that’s your anxiety. Some sort of external stimulant - the stove, or, in your case, the overwhelming feeling of being in a crowd - is causing the water to bubble. And when the external stimulant increases in intensity, so too does your anxiety. And sometimes, yeah, the pot boils over.” Spencer shrugged like it was no big deal. “But then you just turn the stove off, grab a dishtowel, and clean up the mess. Problem solved.”

You cracked a half-hearted smile. “So in this metaphor, you’re a dishtowel?” You asked, curling your fingers around the fabric of his shirt.

“Technically, I think it’s a simile, but yes,” Spencer grinned as he looked in your eyes.

“But the book,” you sighed, looking back at the bookstore, which was still filtering people in and out slowly. The patrons leaving the store clutched their new copies of the book in their hands, grinning and taking pictures with their phones, laughing with their friends excitedly.

“Do you want to get back in line and try again?” Spencer asked, and you bit your cheek pensively.

“I don’t think so,” you said softly, defeatedly.

“That’s okay,” Spencer said. You loved that he wasn’t coddling you, he was just feeling it out, seeing what you were up for. “Do you want to get brunch somewhere and come back? Maybe the line will have died down by then?”

You nodded, your lips curling into a small smile. “Yeah,” you agreed. You realized your hand was still over his heart, rubbing at his chest. Your movement halted and you retracted your hand, but before your arm could fall completely at your side, Spencer scooped your hand up and kissed the back of your palm. “What if we come back and they’ve sold out of the book, though?” You asked as Spencer walked with you in the direction of one of your favorite brunch places, just a short walk from the bookstore.

“There are twenty-two independent bookstores in the D.C. metropolitan area alone,” Spencer rattled off. “If this one doesn’t have it, we’ll drive around until we find one that does.”

“What article did you read that told you how many bookstores were in D.C?” You asked. You often liked to challenge him by asking him to cite his sources.

“No article. I did a search on Google Maps last night,” Spencer explained.

“What, because you knew I’d freak out when we walked into this one?” You asked him.

Spencer shook his head. “No, just wanted to have a contingency plan in case our first stop sold out before we got there.”

“Always thinking ahead, huh, Boy Wonder?”

“Damn straight.” A smirk formed across Spencer’s lips.

You shook your head. “You’re the best dishtowel a girl could ask for.”

#spencer reid x fem!reader #criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #basketonthedoorstepofthefbi #criminal minds spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x you #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfics #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff

[flowerandblood]

The Fall from the Heavens (25)

[ dark • Aemond x Strong • niece female ]

[ warnings: angst, tension, anxiety, a lot of half-truths ]

[ description: A cool distance turns into friendship and more when two children see that they can find refuge and understanding in each other. However, naïve dreams collide with the reality in which every event has consequences and what once could have been love becomes a dark, newly painful obsession. Angst, sexual tension, obsession, violence, madness, very dark Aemond. ]

The story in this series is an alternate reality from the oneshot Stay and love, leave and die, in which Aemond reads the letters his niece has sent to him over the years. They are the same characters and it shows what would have happened between them − I have changed the background story from their childhood slightly for the sake of the plot.

Characters & Series Moodboard Lady Strong Moodboard Aemond & Lady Strong Moodboard

Author note: For the purposes of this story, Lord Rodrik Arryn had a son and an heir, who in turn has a son of his own, to whom our Lady Strong was betrothed. I invented the lullaby in this chapter, so if you think it's weird, thank me, lol.

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Next chapters: Masterlist

_____

After what he heard, he just vomited, unable to stop the convulsions that were squeezing his stomach, the rapid pounding of his heart or his terrified, ragged breathing. He could feel tears of despair and fear running down his cheeks as he coughed once more, panting heavily over the vessel − he felt like his whole body was twitching.

You will betray her at the moment she trusts you the most.

You will achieve victory, but she will never let you touch herself again.

You will put your child inside me, your bastard son, who will rule Harrenhal after our death.

He felt his stomach twist again in pain at the mere memory – he leaned over the bowl, feeling the gag reflex shake his body once more, but nothing left his throat.

He cried out loudly as if he were a small child, covering his face with his hand, leaning over the table, thinking about how much he needed his wife right now.

How much he wanted to snuggle between her soft, sweet breasts, to feel her smooth, warm hands stroking his hair, her heart beating beneath his cheek.

He drew in a loud breath, reminding himself that he had left her alone and that any moment spent in this disgusting place could have been her last; he reached for the cup of wine, rinsed his mouth a few times and spat the contents into the bowl, washing his face with fresh water, trying to calm himself.

This was part of their game, he thought, feeling his terror slowly begin to be replaced by fury.

He was sure Larys Strong had made her say it because he wanted him to believe that what was to come was destiny, not his and his grandfather's plan.

They wanted to manipulate him, to force him to leave her, to strip her of his protection, to destroy her.

No, he thought.

He was no longer a small child.

He left the fortress feeling that he had again unwittingly become the cold, empty stone he had been for eight years when she had not been with him, recognising that he had to keep a cool head.

He could not allow himself to be weak now.

He knew that if he just looked at her, if he just saw her face again and remembered what that woman had said to him he would simply burst into sobs, so to her disappointment he pretended not to see her.

The journey to the Eyrie, although spent in full sun and short, was unbearable for him and dragged on endlessly; he felt that waves of thoughts, suppositions and versions of events flowed through his mind one after another, causing complete chaos in his head.

What if Rhaenyra did not agree despite his lie?

What if she agrees, but demands the head of his grandfather and mother?

Whoever he was, his grandfather was his kin, his blood; all his life he had fought for them and their rights even if he himself often despised him.

How should he behave in such a situation so as not to let her down?

To fight? Declare war on them? Let her decide for herself once again which side she would stand on this time?

He pressed his forehead to the front of his saddle, clenching his hands on the ropes he held in his fist, feeling that he was descending into madness.

As they landed in the valley below the fortress he slid off his saddle, thinking that he had to share his plan with her, lest she accidentally say something herself that might destroy their credibility.

"− uncle −" She began, walking towards him, her face all pink and sweaty from exertion, unruly strands of her hair clinging to her skin.

His heart pounded harder.

You will come back here to face your nephew and you will take me, because you will decide that I am similar to her enough to satisfy your pain and longing.

You will put your child inside me, your bastard son, who will rule Harrenhal after our death.

He swallowed loudly, feeling that his vision was blank, his hands clenched into fists.

"− we'll tell them you're expecting my child −" He said coolly, sidestepping her, heading ahead, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible − he heard her draw in a loud breath as she moved immediately after him, terrified, trying to keep up with him.

"− what? − Aemond, we can't lie, not now −" She muttered, clearly terrified by this vision − he pressed his lips together into a thin line, furious that she was making this all even more difficult.

"− they must agree to our terms − I will not discuss my decisions with you −" He growled impatiently and stopped when her silhouette appeared in front of him – her palms slapped against his chest, a fury in her eyes that startled him.

"− you will − you don't know them as well as you do − Daemon can sense the lie, he will see it in your eyes − do you think that once they understand that you are manipulating them they will agree to whatever conditions you set for them? −" She asked with an irritation in her voice that he didn't like; he felt a cold sweat on his neck at the unbearable thought that she was partly right.

Fuck.

He stared at her for a moment, breathing heavily, feeling like he was about to faint, another disturbing thought flashed through his mind.

What had that whore said to her?

"− that fucking witch − what did she say to you? −" He asked uneasily, wanting to be sure she wasn't trying to manipulate his wife the way she was trying to manipulate him.

His Rheanys blinked rapidly and swallowed hard, as if his question made her uncomfortable − he felt an unpleasant twinge in his stomach at the sight.

"− that we should not return to Harrenhal − that I should watch out for myself and trust no one −" She muttered, and he felt his heart stop.

That we should not return to Harrenhal.

That I should watch out for myself and trust no one.

She warned her.

Why?

He felt that he understood absolutely none of this; the woman's behaviour seemed to make no sense to him, but that wasn't the worst of it.

The worst part was the thought that perhaps she really believed what she said.

That perhaps she really did see his betrayal and what he would do next in her dream or in the fire.

He stood watching her like a small, frightened child who was afraid to tell a parent that he had stolen and destroyed their favourite book unwillingly, who was afraid to admit his guilt for fear of punishment and what it entailed.

She must have seen what was happening to him in his gaze because she walked over to him and touched his upper arms, her scent, the smell of vanilla reached his nose.

"− husband, what happened? − if you have doubts, let's discuss everything − but please don't close yourself in the fortress of your mind −" She muttered pleadingly, her voice warm and calm, soothing, as if she understood that he was afraid.

That thought, the realisation that she knew him well enough that he couldn't hide from her what was happening inside him made him feel even worse.

He thought she would loathe him forever.

He swallowed hard as she cupped his cheeks between her hands and closed his eyes, feeling himself tremble all over, focusing only on her closeness.

"− uncle − look at me − I am your ally − I always have been −" She whispered tenderly making another wave of heat and fear surge through his body at the same time, causing something inside him to crack.

"You're your parents' child too. Just like me. What will you do when one of them demands the other's head?" He asked coldly, feeling his heart pounding like mad − he felt like he could hear in his ears the fast pumping of blood through his veins.

His wife furrowed her brows, shaking her head as if she did not understand what he had just said to her.

"− I will never agree to this − despite what your grandfather and your mother did to me, I will not agree for them to be harmed if you assure me to do the same − you know that I am not driven by revenge − and you? − you are the one who constantly doubts me, however, ever since I appeared in King's Landing you have been the one to let me down − yet I remain faithful to you − I chose you, uncle, when will you understand it? − when will you understand that there is no other way for me but by your side even if I come to burn? −"

She said in a trembling, angry, breaking voice from which a shiver ran down his back; he looked at her in disbelief feeling his body filled with guilt and shame.

You are the one who constantly doubts me, however, ever since I appeared in King's Landing you have been the one to let me down.

She was right.

She welcomed him with open arms despite the fact that he hadn't answered her letters for eight years; she didn't show him any kind of resentment, she didn't demand an apology from him, she lavished him with understanding and tenderness when he needed it, wanting to make things right.

It was he who betrayed her when Aegon became King.

It was his mother who forced her to drink the moon tea.

He was the one who made her try to take her own life.

He was the one who kept her locked up like a prisoner.

And yet, it was he who perpetually accused her in his head of the possibility of betrayal, as if he was just waiting for it.

For an excuse to decide that this was never going to succeed.

Despite this, she was now standing in front of him, being on his side, willing to fight alongside him for a future for them.

He felt a squeeze in his throat at this realisation, at the thought that there was never any other way for him than the one that would always lead him to her, to his beloved, to his friend.

To his Rheanys.

He lifted his hand, in some subconscious gesture of tenderness and closeness placing an unruly strand of her dark hair behind her ear, looking at her pretty face, at her bright, shining eyes, at her long lashes, at her swollen, moist lips − everything that belonged to him, that he could take every night.

He felt his manhood twitch in his breeches at the thought.

"Can I kiss you?" He heard her whisper and looked at her, seeing that she was staring at him exactly as she had then, that day when she had come to his chamber as a child, holding a small book clutched to her chest in her hands.

He leaned towards her without a word and closed his eyes, sighing in relief when her plump, soft lips pressed against his in a sweet, sticky kiss; she pulled away from him, stroking his cheeks and hair with her hands, but it wasn't enough for him.

"One more time."

He moaned into her mouth and locked her in the tight, strong embrace of his arms as her lips pressed against his again, this time as if she wanted to devour him, her wet, swollen lips sucking and licking him making him completely hard; he felt the lust, the hot feeling he shared with her shake his body as his eyes involuntarily filled with tears at the thought of what he had heard.

You will take me, because you will decide that I am similar to her enough to satisfy your pain and longing.

You will put your child inside me.

But he wanted her.

He wanted his childhood friend.

His lover, his companion, his joy.

She filled his heart with herself so much that there was no room in it for any Visenya.

"I love you." He muttered helplessly, feeling the words leave his throat without the participation of his free will. "I've always loved you."

He felt her gasp loudly at his words as her body trembled in his arms; his heart squeezed tight with pain as she wept quietly.

"− I feel that some weight has crushed you, my beloved − it covers you like a heavy black cloak − but I am by your side − I am with you − trust me − I know how to speak with them, I know them −" She mumbled out looking at him with a hot gaze full of affection from which he felt that nothing mattered anymore, that he couldn't fight himself or what only she could do.

He was completely helpless against her.

"− will you be by my side even when all is lost? − even if there is nothing left but darkness? −" He asked in a breaking voice, and she smiled, so sweetly, tenderly, joyfully that his hands clenched tighter on her body.

"− yes − don't go the path I could not follow − let me stay by your side − if I am to leave this world, I want to die in your arms −" She whispered softly, and he felt that it was over for him, that whatever he had been thinking about a moment ago, it didn't matter.

"− so be it − fall with me −" He breathed out, before his lips pressed greedily into hers, his fingers digging into the material of her leather coat enclosing her in his tight embrace, their tongues colliding with each other, licking with their soft sighs of pleasure.

He thought, panting hard into her throat, caressing her with a loud click of their saliva, that he could take her now, on the grass, in front of everyone, and fuck her so hard that the whole Eyrie would hear.

This, however, did not happen.

The sight of her would-be betrothed was the last thing he wanted to see − Ronnel Arryn seemed to him to be a boastful and self-obsessed man, focused only on the tonnage of his muscles and how he presented himself.

His grin full of mockery which he threw back at him, looking at the left side of his face made him involuntarily think how pleasant it would be to just slit his throat.

He remembered why they were actually there when they walked into the circular chamber where his uncle and half-sister were waiting for them − he pressed his lips into a thin line seeing that his sister-whore dared to wear his father's crown on her head.

He said nothing.

As his wife threw herself into her mother's arms, he glanced at Daemon; his uncle stood back leaning lazily against the wall, his chin lifted slightly in some sort of challenge, a lazy, mocking smirk on his face.

"Let's sit down." He heard his sister's voice at last, but he had no intention of obeying her orders; so he stood, looking at his uncle, who also had not moved from his place, stroking the handle of his Dark Sister thoughtfully.

"My husband has conveyed to me that my brother-usurper wants to pact over the succession of the throne he himself has unlawfully taken. I must admit that this is a quite ridiculous situation." Rheanrya began, and he rolled his eyes, feeling frustrated and impatient. His wife threw him a quick, frightened glance − he, however, just looked at her, letting her speak.

He decided that he would trust her.

His niece grunted loudly and looked at her mother, adjusting herself in her seat, tense.

"My uncle, Prince Aegon, had no choice. His mother is deeply convinced that her husband, my grandfather, and our King, revealed his final will to her before he died. She mentioned to my uncle about the Prince who was promised, about Aegon's dream. I think she misunderstood him, mother, I…" She paused as Rheanyra looked quickly in Daemon's direction − he and his wife exchanged quick, shocked glances between themselves.

He furrowed his brow, feeling discomfort in his pit, wondering what they knew that might have escaped his attention.

Her mother looked at her again, some strange glint in her gaze.

"Mother?"

"Aegon the Conqueror's Dream. A Song of Ice and Fire. This is the prophecy my father spoke to me about. Whatever Alicent heard, it did not apply to her firstborn son." She said in a trembling voice, as if it was obvious to her.

He felt rage at the thought that their father had shared with his daughter some prophecy, a future that was to befall their lineage, but did not consider them, his sons, worthy of the privilege.

Humiliation, shame and anger surged through his body making his words involuntarily leave his lips.

"You mean to say that our father only conveyed the contents of this prophecy to you, but you don't believe my mother that he could have passed on to her that he changed his mind regarding the succession?" He growled, his sister and uncle throwing him quick, warning glances.

"Calm down, nephew. You are speaking to the Queen." Daemon reminded him, and he looked at him with rage.

"She is not my Queen." He hissed, his hand sliding down to the hilt of his sword when he saw Daemon's fingers tighten around his Dark Sister.

"That's enough. We have met here because Aegon realises, as you do Mother, that his and your children's rights to the throne will be challenged, and the war will not end with your death." His wife interjected, startling him as did the rest of those gathered, his heart began to pound like mad.

What?

"Are you undermining Jace, my firstborn son's right to the throne?" Her mother asked in a trembling tone, clearly not believing what she was suggesting.

Her daughter drew in a loud breath and swallowed hard before answering her.

"He's a bastard, mother. Like me, Luke and Joffrey, he cannot inherit the throne. Will you cut off my tongue for those words? Will you deprive me of my head, father?"

He looked at her with his lips slightly parted, feeling that his mind was not yet able to comprehend fully what she had actually done.

She continued, however, as if the words were pouring out of her like a river.

"We just lie and lie and lie until in the end we ourselves don't know where the truth lies, but it is there somewhere, always, and sooner or later none of us will be able to deny it even if we beheaded all the men in the Seven Kingdoms."

He felt a surge of satisfaction and warm affection shake his body at her words, at her proof that she understood him, understood his pain, understood why her brothers could not be heirs to the throne.

How could he ever doubt her?

Her mother and stepfather seemed as shocked as he was, unable to get a word out.

"How dare you say such a thing? Your father, Laenor Velaryon, has recognised you and your brothers as his heirs. He gave you his name, he recognised you as his child in the eyes of the kingdom." Her mother muttered, clearly heartbroken that her own daughter was challenging her words.

"But the whole Kingdom knows, mother. Even if Jace were to sit on the throne after your death, his lineage will not be forgotten. Are you prepared to die knowing that neither he nor his children will ever be safe? That, like my uncle's coronation, his coronation would also be challenged by lords across the Kingdom?" She asked in pain, as if she herself could no longer bear what was happening, how far they had gone in pretending what was the truth and what was a lie.

He thought that he himself would not have put into words better what he thought and acknowledged with pride that his wife was a great speaker.

That even he would have hesitated and reconsidered what she had said if he had heard the arguments spoken in this way.

"I know what humiliation you experienced, mother, and how much suffering you endured. Believe me that I did too. I, too, do not believe my grandfather would change his mind on his deathbed. I did not and do not recognise Aegon as King, nor have I ever called him that or given him the honour he deserves.

However, if we do not find an agreement, war will break out not only in the Realm, but in our family. This is what King Viserys wanted to prevent at the last supper before his death. Mother, after all, you are siblings. Your brother, though a traitor, extends his hand, he is ready to relinquish the crown he stole from you."

An awkward silence fell; Rhaenyra looked over her shoulder at her husband, apparently seeking his advice. His uncle stared at her with clenched lips, clearly believing that she should fight for her rights no matter what − even at the cost of war.

His half-sister looked at her daughter again and swallowed hard.

"I can consider the terms my husband has conveyed to me, but I also have my conditions. I will agree that it is your children who will inherit the Iron Throne, and you will be named as ruler-regents only if there are two kings, and you will be one of them.

You and your husband will share the power of the Kingdom equally and neither of you will sit on the throne or wear the crown. Aegon the Conqueror's crown and my father's crown will be kept in the treasury.

In addition, my husband and I will sit on the Small Council, and deprived of their seats will be your grandfather and Alicent. In addition, Otto Hightower will be stripped of all other functions and privileges and will reside under our oversight in King's Landing.

Jace will inherit Dragonstone as my first-born son. If no male heir is born to you, the official heirs will be the children from my and my uncle's marriage, pureblood Targaryens."

He stared at her wide-eyed, feeling the cold sweat on his back, his heart pounding like mad as his mind tried to quickly analyse what he had heard.

I will agree that it is your children who will inherit the Iron Throne, and you will only become ruler-regent if there are two kings, and you will be one of them.

You and your husband will share power in the kingdom equally and neither of you will sit on the throne or wear the crown. Aegon the Conqueror's crown and my father's crown will be kept in the treasury.

She wanted the kingdom to be ruled by two kings.

She wanted him and her daughter to have the same title, the same privileges.

He saw his niece look at him, her eyes big with terror, filled with fear of how he would react.

No, he thought.

She was no longer her daughter.

She was no longer a bastard.

She was his wife.

When he had covered her shoulders with the cloak with his family crest she had officially taken his name, and who her father was no longer mattered.

Although he knew that the name her mother had given her was different, to him she was Rhaenys.

Rhaenys Targaryen.

His childhood friend, a woman he trusted, respected, loved, whose opinion and letters he had held deep in his heart for years, whom he would have consulted if he had become king-regent anyway.

The thought that she would stand by his side, that she would help him carry this burden, that she would be like a second, necessary pillar to support the whole crumbling structure that was their family, filled him, to his surprise, not with frustration but relief.

He nodded his head.

His wife sighed quietly, looking at him with hope, turning her gaze to her mother. Rhaenyra's eyes welled with tears of grief and sorrow as she nodded, sealing her decision.

She had agreed.

Gods, she agreed.

"Pass on my words to my brother. Let him know that this is not just about my pride, but about the welfare of the Kingdom and our family. That I respect my father's will and hope that he will do the same." She said dispassionately and he nodded, feeling his whole body quiver with emotion, his hands clasped behind his back clenched into fists.

"You are surely exhausted. My cousin has prepared chambers for you where you can rest to set off on your return journey as we will tomorrow morning. Let us have supper together. I have been separated from my one daughter for too long." She said matter-of-factly and he swallowed hard feeling that he had completely frozen.

No.

None of them could stay here.

He couldn't propose that they fly to King's Landing knowing that they would surely disagree, so in desperation he proposed something that shocked everyone, including himself.

"No." He said coolly. "We'll spend the night in Dragonstone."

His niece beamed all over, her cheek blushing with happiness, as if she didn't believe his words.

"Do you mean it?" She asked sweetly like a little child to whom he had just given a wonderful surprise.

He felt a squeeze in his throat at the thought.

"Yes." He replied calmly, glancing at his uncle, who was squinting, watching him intently. "As an expression of my goodwill."

Daemon tapped the tip of his tongue against the wall of his cheek and hummed under his breath, a tense silence fell between them.

His wife was right.

He had the feeling that his gaze was piercing him to the core.

He muttered under his breath and looked at his wife − Rhaenyra, like his niece, seemed shocked by his proposal, but also pleased at the prospect of her daughter returning to her family home, if only for a while.

"Well…I see no objection. Daemon?" She asked her husband, who looked at his daughter. Apparently, something in her pleading gaze made him decide to remain silent for the time being, as he merely nodded his head in wordless agreement.

He closed his eyes and sighed quietly in relief, feeling a huge stone fall from his heart.

He stepped back, allowing Rhaenyra to leave, just behind her the room left Daemon throwing him one vigilant, mocking look telling him that he knew there was something more behind his words.

His wife, however, overwhelmed by excitement and joy, seemed not to notice it − she ran to him and snuggled into him, clasping her hands on his back, his arms immediately enclosing her in a tight, secure embrace.

He hadn't betrayed her.

He would never betray her.

So why did he feel so guilty?

"There are no words in which I can describe my gratitude to you. "She whispered, burying her face in his chest; he sighed heavily, pressing his lips to the top of her head, stroking her soft hair and neck with his fingers.

"I'm proud of you." He said calmly wanting her to know that he admired what she had done, the calmness in which she had presented his side's reasons while showing understanding and respect for her mother's rights and heritage.

He thanked the gods that he knew when to shut his mouth.

She looked at him and smiled shyly, as if his words surprised and embarrassed her. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him, pressing her soft lips to his, and he murmured low, feeling a tightness in his throat.

He should tell her, he thought with pain, but he didn't know how.

He didn't want to spoil this beautiful moment.

So he kept silent, but the guilt, the fact that he was hiding something from her, pressed down on his shoulders like a huge burden, through which he could experience neither relief nor satisfaction that Rhaenyra had agreed to their terms.

He never expected to fly through the skies beside Larax, Caraxes and Syrax, to ever see Dragonstone, to propose a journey there of his own accord.

He felt shame filling him.

As he and his wife stepped inside their fortress, where their children were already waiting for them, an awkward silence ensued. Jace and Luke stood behind a large stone table that resembled the shape of all of Westeros, looking at him in disbelief and horror. He shuddered when he saw that Rhaena was the first to rush ahead, sidestepping him and her father, enclosing his wife in a sincere, tender embrace.

"I'm so happy you're alive." She muttered in a breaking voice – his niece stroked her back with a smile.

"Me too." He heard her whisper.

After a moment, Baela joined them, throwing him a cold, warning glance along the way, from which he only rolled his eyes. He looked again at Luke, who swallowed hard and lowered his gaze, clearly unable to bear his presence.

He felt disgusted at the sight of them, two boys with cheeks flushed from shame, who knew full well that they did not and should not have any claim to the throne.

He grinned involuntarily at the thought, seeing how pale Jace was, that he understood for certain that their presence meant he would officially cease to be his mother's heir.

Satisfaction as sweet as poison coursed through his veins at the thought.

Jace drew in a breath at the sight of his grimace, his hands clenched into fists as if he felt like lashing out at him − he flinched when Daemon stepped in front of him, standing between them and shook his head.

Jace swallowed hard, furious, lowering his gaze to the stone floor beneath his feet.

None of them came up to greet his niece; only little Joffrey ran up to her and burst into tears screaming that she had left them alone.

They resented her for the side she had chosen in their minds.

She was the only reason they were both still alive, he thought with a sneer.

His half-sister, seeing the look on his face and sensing the tension that reigned around them, decided to take pity on them and suggested that they make themselves comfortable in the chamber that had previously belonged to his wife.

He accepted her words with relief.

As they stepped inside he felt a squeeze in his throat − her quarters were modest, filled with her scent, the windows of her room facing the open sea, the sound of which he could clearly hear. He walked deeper in, looking around her chests of drawers and wardrobes, her wooden bookcases filled to the brim with books, before his gaze finally settled on an ornate oak desk.

He swallowed hard imagining her seated figure bent over parchment.

"− is this here? −" He asked casually, running his fingers over the table top, noticing with a pained heart that it was dusty.

A sign of how long she had not been here.

His niece looked at him surprised and blushed, as if the mere mention embarrassed her.

"− yes −"

He sat down in the chair she sat in every time she wished to convey her thoughts to him, to put them on paper, which then flew all the way to King's Landing to reach his hands. He glanced towards the windows, wondering how many times she had deliberated on choosing the right words while observing exactly the same view.

He thought he was touched.

"− we should rest, husband − if that's what you wish, we'll have supper alone −" She said softly, her voice trembling with excitement and joy.

She couldn't believe she was home again.

He nodded, not knowing what more he could answer.

He had felt the tension all evening; his wife had shown him various books she had read over the years, which she had told him about in her letters. He tried to listen to her and nod, stroking her arm with the tips of his fingers as she sat beside him, flicking through page after page of one of the volumes, looking for the quote she had mentioned to him. Her question pulled him out of his musings.

"− uncle − will you tell me what troubles you? −"

He looked at her horrified and swallowed with difficulty − he only grunted, not knowing what he should answer like a child caught in the act.

"I'm tired." He replied acknowledging that this was partly true. She nodded in understanding, he closed his eyelids as her hand gently stroked his cheek.

"Let's go to bed."

He wasn't going to fight her.

He wanted to leave this place as soon as possible and get away from Daemon's disturbing gaze.

His wife pressed her lips together, seeing that he had put a dagger under his pillow before he lay down − however, she said nothing, knowing he might trust her, but certainly not her family.

He lay down beside her, sighing heavily, and closed his eyes, figuring that perhaps when he woke up the next day and realised that tragedy had been avoided due to his decision, his conscience would have a little more mercy for him.

He murmured contentedly as he felt her arms embrace him, cuddling his face between her breasts, the warmth of her body, her scent filling his entire lungs. He tightened his hands on her back, trying to focus only on the touch of her hands, on her fingers combing gently through his hair, on the lullaby she hummed softly under her breath, and from which his eyelids grew heavier and heavier.

When the moon rises

over the dark sky

When you hear from afar

my bitter cry

Know that I long

Know that I long

Know that I long

When the sun rises

over the bright sky

When you hear from afar

my joyful cry

Know that I'm home

Know that I'm home

Know that I'm home

And then sleep fell over him.

His lips clung to her soft, long neck, sweaty from exertion, heavy, drawn-out sighs full of pleasure left his lips as his hips with sure, deep, quick thrusts pounded again and again into her hot, fleshy interior.

"− forgive me − I've missed you − oh, my sweetest −" He breathed out, quickening his pace, sinking his nose into her dark curls, her moans muffled by the pillow she was cuddling her face into. Her body, though different, was just as warm, her scent, though different, was similar to hers.

It didn't matter to him, because she was there for him, because she had forgiven him.

"− I love you − oh fuck, Rhaenys −" He muttered, clenching his eyes, coming inside her at last, experiencing such immense relief that he cursed for another moment, rocking his hips inside her. He swallowed hard, worried that she wasn't saying anything, his fingers took strands of her hair from her face wanting to see her eyes and then he saw it.

Green irises, luscious as grass.

"− is it true? − is she carrying your child? −" He heard her voice as if from afar and suddenly he was standing in front of her in his chamber in King's Landing, feeling his heart pounding like mad, a cold sweat running down his back.

He felt a strong gag reflex and held it back with the remnants of his strong will.

He couldn't get anything out of himself.

What had he done?

"− answer me − is she carrying your child? −" His wife, his Rhaenys muttered in a voice breaking with pain and despair, her cheeks red from tears, her eyebrows arched in rage, in her gaze something he feared most.

Disgust.

"− I − I don't know −" He mumbled, trying to remember what had actually happened, how he could have done it when, after all, he had promised himself it would never, never happen.

He thought about how he hadn't touched her in so long, how he had missed her so much.

When she discovered that he had hidden the truth from her, what his grandfather had planned, that he knew what could have happened to them in the Eyrie but hadn't told her, she hadn't slept in his chamber, hadn't eaten supper with him, hadn't spoken to him or looked at him even though he had tried so hard to please her.

"− don't you know? − don't you know if you put your bastard inside her? −" She mumbled and burst out into a loud, miserable sob, hiding her face in her hands − he looked at her, panting hard, shaking all over, not knowing what he was supposed to say, what he was supposed to do.

"− HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!? −" She almost screamed, falling to her knees as if without strength, whining loudly like some kind of animal, her whole being trembling and twitching in convulsions − he approached her quickly, kneeling beside her, trying to touch her, but she pushed him away.

"− my beloved − please − I was possessed by madness, I swear − I − I thought it was you −" He muttered, not knowing how he could explain such a betrayal, such humiliation she suffered because of him.

"− you thought it was me? − you fucked another woman and thought it was me? − gods, Aemond, don't touch me! − don't touch me −" She howled, her voice at once enraged, full of pain, suffering and grief, her eyes red with tears, her whole body quivering.

He was the reason for this.

He had done this to her.

"− my Prince − my Prince, quickly, your wife! −" He heard someone shout – he shuddered as he sat by the fireplace, gazing in horror at the figure of the guard who had rushed into his chamber.

As he stepped out into the corridor he heard someone's loud sobs and screams tearing at his heart; as he ran inside he froze noticing the figure of Rheaenyra kneeling on the floor, covering her mouth with her hand − his wife, and her daughter, was hanging from a rope tied to the frame of her bed, which was tightened around her neck, her dark hair covering her bowed head, her feet not touching the floor.

He ran to her trying to lift her, trying to pull her down, but he knew, felt, that it was too late, her body cold, numb, empty.

His face sank into her flesh covered only by the material of her nightgown muffling his loud, desperate scream.

"Uncle! Uncle, please, wake up!"

He opened his eyes and pulled himself up to sit down, panting heavily, feeling his heart pounding like mad – he could see nothing through the tears that one by one ran down his face, his body twitching all over in convulsions as if it had gone into a state of absolute panic.

"− easy, my love − breathe −" He heard someone's voice beside him, her voice – he looked at her as if he didn't recognise her, her eyes wide in terror, her hand stroking his shoulder reassuringly.

"− Rhaenys − Rhaenys −" He mumbled out like a small child calling out to its mother, bursting into sobs of relief and terror that shook his body − he snuggled into her breast, clasping his fingers on her back so tightly that she hissed in pain – however, she did not push him away and her arms enclosed him in a tight, secure embrace.

"− I'm here, my love − I'm here −" She whispered, again and again placing warm, moist kisses on the top of his head, combing her fingers through his hair.

For a moment he merely wept and quivered, unable to catch his breath, trying to calm himself, listening to her whisper, breathing in her scent, enjoying her closeness, the touch of her hand.

It seemed to him that it was hours before he began to breathe normally, before he realised that all he had seen was just a nightmare, that he was lying with his wife in her bed in Dragonstone.

That all was not yet lost.

He swallowed hard and clenched his eyes shut.

"− there's something − there's something I want to tell you −"

#aemond fic #aemond fanfiction #aemond targaryen #hotd aemond #aemond angst #canon aemond #aemond fanfic #aemond one eye #aemond #prince aemond #prince aemond targaryen #aemond smut #aemond x oc #aemond x female #aemond x niece #aemond x wife #ewan mitchell #ewan nation #ewanverse #ewan mitchell fanfic #ewan mitchell fanfiction #ewan mitchell angst #hotd fandom #hotd fanfic #hotd fanficition #hotd fic #house of the dragon #aemond targaryen smut #aemond targaryen angst #dark aemond

[nervoussagittarius]

got to have a taste of a pretty girl

matt sturniolo x singer!reader

summary: a past experience is brought up causing you to finally be comfortable telling your boyfriend your biggest secret, request

warnings: fluff, language, coming out, slight angst

“hey matt.” you said as he picked up your phone call. your current position on your couch was one of nervousness. you sat on the edge, hunched over, with your leg bouncing with anxiety.

“hey baby, what’s up?”

“so i have something to show you and was wondering if you’d be willing to come over?”

“yeah absolutely. i’ll see you in 10, love you!” he said hanging up the phone.

to rewind, you were cleaning out a few boxes this morning when you came across a cd with some of your old, unreleased, songs on it. you had a habit of recording stuff that was almost to personal to put out and hiding it away. you used this method almost as a coping mechanism. out of sight, out of mind.

curiosity came over you and you decided to see exactly what songs were in this record. a few of them were really nothing, just some stuff you had made when you were messing around with different vocals and settings. but the last song was something that you really did want to hide. you never meant to come across it again.

this song described the first intimate experience you ever had with another girl. you were about 18 at this point, close to a year before you even knew matt. you had known for a while that you liked women and men, but the only person you told was your best friend alexa.

now alexa was completely boy crazy. never once thinking she might be into girls. until one night when you guys decided to go to some random la house party a mutual friend was hosting.

after a few hours you both started feeling flirty and we’re having a lot of fun dancing with each other. this was when alexa decided to tell you that she had thought you were her favorite person she’d ever met and how if she were to ever experiment with a women it would definitely be with you.

one thing led to another and she led you into her bed. only to wake up the next morning saying it was a good time but it was a mistake that will never happen again. she could pretend all she wanted but it already happened. so you guys went your separate ways.

you weren’t devistated my any means, you almost expected things to happen this way. she went on to keep her boyfriend and you moved on with your life.

you never really felt comfortable telling anyone else about your sexuality though. it was a really scary process. you never knew how that person would react, and you were fine never being in a romantic relationship with a girl. you really did want to spend the rest of you life with matt. it was only far though that matt knew the real you.

matt knocked on your door exactly 9 minutes and 23 seconds after he hung up the phone. you were so nervous you kept count.

he let himself in like normal and made his way to your couch, leaning down to give you a kiss.

“okay, so what did you want to show me” matt asked with a dopey smile on his face.

“well,” you started. “i found something this morning and i’d like you to listen to it.”

you made your way over to the cd player and pressed play on the song, not so formally named, pretty girls.

a long 2 minutes and 26 seconds went by before the song ended.

“it was a good song, sweetheart. i love all of your music, but i’m a little confused about what it means. are you trying to tell me something? did someone do something to you? i’m not really comprehending.” matt began to ramble.

you took his hands in your, “okay i’ll explain. so basically, about a year before we started dating i was friends with this girl named alexa.” you stopped to take a deep breath but it came out shakier then expected.

“it’s okay love take your time”

you couldn’t get through the rest of the story.

“i’m not straight, matt”

you could see his eyes slightly widen but he nodded at you to continue.

“i’m bisexual, and alexa was the first girl i even did anything with. it didn’t really mean anything, to either of us, but she was the only one that knew and we were at a party. and she wanted to experiment, but she had a boyfriend. and it’s all a little blurry, but i needed to tell you because i’m really tired of hiding it.” your eyes started to fill with tears at your rant. it all was settling in on you.

“i really don’t want to lose you because i love you so fucking much, but i had to tell you how i really feel. and the song doesn’t really have anything to do about it, but it seemed like a good lead way into the topic.”

matt let go of your hands. you looked up at him in confusion and wariness. he instead grabbed your face and used the pads of his thumbs to wipe the tears that had begun to fall. he leaned his forehead against yours with tears also in his eyes.

“can i say something now?” matt asks.

you gave him a nod with a slight laugh.

“i am so proud of you.” matt said with a raspy chuckle. “i am so grateful that you felt comfortable enough to share that with me. you have not idea what it means. i see how much shit people who are homosexual go though and it’s really scary. so thank you.”

“and you could never lose me for being honest with me. if anything it makes me love you even more.”

once matt finished talking, you leaned forward to give him a passionate kiss. matt layed his back into your couch as he pulled you into his chest so he was holding you.

you went on to have a long and intense conversation on the entire event that happened between you and alexa. you also told him how and when you realized you were bisexual.

“i kinda want to put the song out.” you said as you played with the hem on his shirt.

“i think that’s a great idea, baby”

an: the end. i’m sorry it’s kinda short but full song credits go to mother renee rapp. i could’ve never written this without her. i hope y’all enjoyed🤍

#matt sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo imagine #matt x reader #sturniolo fanfic #Spotify

[c0cktail-dumbass]

Random ass headcanons for the Outsiders

(Angst Warning lmao)

Ponyboy Curtis

-Eventually had to quit smoking because he got bronchitis from it, that lead to him having to quit track n' feild

-He kept that note from Johnny for the rest of his life, at one point he cut out Johnny's signature and put the paper in a locket necklace

-For a long time Dallas' last word being "Pony" made him cry whenever he remembered it (Ik this is only movie canon but I just love it"

-He hung out at the empty lot a ton more after everything because it somehow made him feel closer to Johnny and Dally

-Has accidentally called Darry "Dad" more

-He can speak french almost fluently

Johnny Cade

-He hated when people compared him to a puppy because he was a cat person and dogs legit scared him

-He actually really wanted to tell Ponyboy that he loved him in his last words (That doesn't have to be romantically, I think it's more platonic but at the same time to each their own)

-The note Johnny had written to Ponyboy and left in the book was written in purple crayon, he wanted it to be red since that's Ponyboy's favourite colour but the nurse didn't have any red crayons

-The doctor who was keeping Mrs. Cade back and the nurse who told Johnny his mom was there were both "Considering calling CPS on that crazy lady if that kid survives,"

Dallas Winston

-When Dallas said "Pony..." right before he died, he was trying to tell him to stay alive. In a "Dont be like me" sense

-He was actually a really good boyfriend to Sylvia, almost to simping degrees, he doesn't get a lot of affection so he was starved for whatever Sylvia was giving him. It was totally toxic for him, and Johnny was always worried about it

-His skull ring was stolen from a thrift store, he stole it when he was 12

-Drunk cryer

Two-Bit Matthews

-His dad was italian-american

-His mom is actually from Canada, she moved to Olkahoma with her parents when she was in highschool, making Two-Bit Canadian but not a Canadian citizen

-He played a lot of hockey and baseball up until he turned 12

-Sometimes he gets super drunk and starts flirting with any of the greasers except for Ponyboy because; "If I'm going to jail it's not gonna be for charges of pedophilia."

Sodapop Curtis

-Definitely had Steve help him write the note to Ponyboy because his handwriting is barely legible.

-He's dyslexic.

-When Ponyboy had run off with Johnny he actually tried to confide in Sandy, but she couldn't stand to talk to him except over the phone so the only person Soda trusted to talk to was Steve

-Soda is a terrible cook

-When Soda is sitting down with Darry and Ponyboy before he ran out he was trying to discreetly cover his ears, and if Pony and Darry were paying attention to anything other than their own fighting they'd see Soda's about-to-cry eyes

-Can't fix a car to save his life, at least not like Steve can. He can door minor stuff but that's it.

-His first kiss was Steve by complete accident, the two were quite literally butting heads in the 6th grade. Nobody knows except them and they had this whole oath to never tell anybody

Steve Randle

-His parents split up, he has a step-dad and a step-mom and his bio parents are still on good terms. They aren't even legally divorced because neither of them could afford it

-He's actually pretty good friends with Buck like Dallas is because Buck brings his T-Bird to the DX whenever he needs something done with it, Buck is Steve's best-paying customer

-Steve's favourite pass-time is throwing glass bottles at Soc cars and ditching

-Steve favours his step-dad to his step-mom because he thinks his step-mom is taking advantage of his dad

-He actually has a step-sister but she's like 22 and in college

Darry Curtis

-Darry does indeed cry when Ponyboy calls him dad

-He genuinely had panic attacks before going to bed the whole week Ponyboy was gone

-Man has anxiety problems but wasn't actually diagnosed until the late 80's when he finally stopped being an "I don't need any help" man and decided to go to therapy... in his forties.

-Darry fucking loves dogs

-He would carry Johnny around like a doll if he needed to (if Johnny was in his way or needed to be pulled away from something)

#the outsiders ponyboy #the outsiders johnny #the outsiders sodapop #the outsiders steve #the outsiders #the outsiders dallas #the outsiders darry #ponyboy curtis #darry curtis #sodapop curtis #steve randle #two bit mathews #the outsiders two-bit matthews #johnny cade #dallas winston #the outsiders headcanons

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

in which : you and your classmates surprise katsuki for his birthday !

day seven of the explosive birthday collab event hosted by @queenpiranhadon !

fem reader, i dog on kaminari a lot in this one lmfao sorry kami fans i promise i luv him, kissing, lotsaaaa fluff, mentions of food, mentions of drinking but its not specified to be alcohol or anything ! cuddling, teary eyed sentimental katsu, soft katsu for the soul, teary eyed reader, class A bein silly, lmk if i missed sum else !

a/n : HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATSUKI KATSUKI DAY GRAAAAAHHH-

and so, finally bakugou’s big 18th birthday party had arrived.

and you could absolutely not be more nervous.

you’d barely slept a wink, too giddy but also terrified as you kept on thinking about everything that could happen that you lost track of time. you'd checked and rechecked to see if the gifts you'd prepared where ready, checked with your classmates to see if all the decorations in gym gamma where still okay and checked the fridge five times to see if it was still intact aka if kaminari or mineta hadn't gotten their grubby little hands on it. tokoyami had told you not to “let the chains of anxiety shackle thy restless soul”, which you think meant you didn’t need worry yourself too much. you didn't quite get it at the time but you were thankful nonetheless.

you’re in bed now. nervous, sure. but you can’t help excitedly kicking your feet nonetheless. you were so excited to see katsuki’s reaction to the surprise and to your gifts, of course.

you check your notifications one last time, smile at your homescreen picture of you and your boyfriend, and turn on your side to finally go to sleep.

the day goes by with no hiccups. despite your friends wishing katsuki a happy birthday, with him grumbling in a sort of appreciation, he didn’t seem like he’d caught on. and he hadn’t noticed the sneaky mischievous glances you sent your friends every once in a while, everything was going off with a hitch.

you’d, of course, waken up extra early to be sure you were the very first person to send him a happy birthday message, getting ready at lightning speed to greet him at the door with a warm hug and plenty of kisses. which he reciprocated after quickly getting over his stupor.

the day had gone well, but now it was time for the surprise. and while you gather up the last finishing touches and finish bringing the food, operation : extrate the payload was a go.

kirishima had been tasked to go retrieve katsuki and drag him over to the gym, claiming he wanted to try a brand new move and knowing katsuki you knew there was little to no chance he’d pass up training. but just in case, you’d encouraged kirishima to egg your boyfriend on a bit, that usually gets him going and you smirk proudly at your phone when you get a text from the red head himself.

“he took the bait ! the payload is on the way >:)”

and there you have it.

“alright guys, payload’s on the way !” you exclaim. your classmates start taking action, there aren’t many places to hide in the gym even with all of the changes you’d all made, but everyone had managed to find a pretty good hiding spot. some, like kaminari following others because they had nowhere else to hide and exchanging whispered complaints of “why’d you follow me ?!” and “ow, don’t step on my feet !” you giggle at how much your friends treat this like a game of hide and seek rather than a big surprise, before bounding away to find a hiding spot for yourself near the entrance.

it's so quiet you can hear a pin drop. denki clear his throat and yelps immediately afterwards, you assume someone must’ve punished him for the noise and you almost snort. until you hear voices approaching.

you recognize the loudest one clear as day. your heart starts racing when you hear the door open and kirishima and katsuki sounding impossibly close. katsuki’s complaining, as usual and it should be about time for—

“let’s hurry this up shitty hair, got other shit to do later.” you hear your boyfriend grumble.

“yeah, yeah i got it man.” kirishima replies “i’ve been working on this move for a looong while, so i think you’ll definitely be in for a treat.”

the trigger word.

“why’d you put so much emphasis on the—“

“SURPRIIIIISEEEE!!!”

bakugou’s next words get caught in his throat and he makes a little spluttering noise when all of his classmates pop out from almost every single crevice, nook and cranny in the room. his eyes are wide as saucers and his stance screams he’s on high alert, ready to fight, only to be met with his entire class screaming at him.

he stays frozen in his spot, eyebrows twitching and you all silently wait for him to react until denki shouts “kacchan’s shut down, guys !” in an instant time restarts its course and while you all burst out laughing katsuki splutters again.

“shut the fuck up dunce face !!” he shouts, but it doesn’t hit the same as it usually would, he’s just a bit quieter “w-what the hell is all this ?!”

“obviously it’s a surprise party.” sero sasses with a smirk, mina rubs it in by adding a snarky “duuuh !”

kirishima takes pity on his friend and places a hand on his shoulder comfortingly "we knew your birthday was comin' up, so we wanted to throw you a birthday party !"

"and actually keep it a secret this time.." kaminari snickered not so quietly. him, and the majority of the class side eyeing todoroki and mineta, the smaller boy immediately spluttering out excuses while the other only tilted his head in question.

katsuki's flabbergasted expression has settled just the smallest bit, his eyes shoot over to you and you offer him a sweet smile "18th birthday's are special, y'know ? they should be celebrated with class." you joke. the redhead next to your boyfriend nods aggressively fast. you feel a hand on your shoulder and turn to see kaminari again. you snort when he opens his mouth to speak again—does that guy ever stop talking ?

"i helped plan everything." he smirks, leaning against your shoulder and nodding proudly. only to wince when jirou materializes behind him, accompanied with a fist to his head. "we all did, idiot."

"hey, don't go taking all the glory for yourself !" mina chimes in a little further in the crowd, shoji places a hand on her shoulder in support.

you can't stop your lips from forming into a silly smile at your friends antics, and you giggle when katsuki only rolls his eyes, trying to hold back one of his own.

"you guys are idiots..complete fuckin' morons.." he mutters under his breath, shaking his head and rubbing at his nape almost shyly. he looks up at the red head next to him, then at the rest of his class with the faintest of pink on his cheeks, hand still pressed awkwardly on his nape like he doesn't know where to put it.

"i-i appreciate you guys..or whatever..thanks."

a beat passes. and then squeals resonates throughout the room.

"AAAWWWW—" kaminari and mina both squeal.

"aww man, you're blushing !" kirishima laughs, his cheeks also tinted pink.

"S-SHUT THE FUCK UP. NO I'M NOT—yer seein' things, you fuckin' weirdo.." katsuki spits, but his embarrassment and appreciation refrains him from insulting his smiling friend too agressively.

"aaand he's back.." sero quips, causing absolute choas filled with laughs and screams..the screams coming more from your boyfriend but you digress.

you're all smiles, this couldn't have gone any better for you and you feel a little silly for feeling emotional. katsuki's absolutely not the first person others would call sweet, but him actually putting in the effort and putting his feelings into words make your heart grow more than three sizes.

"alright, enough with the mushy stuff. let's party an' eat cake !" kaminari, always being the life of the party, exclaims. you're thankful that he's so aware and always able to set everything back on course so naturally, you almost envy him for it. you and your classmates excitedly cheer. between the cheers you lock eyes with katsuki, who was already looking at you. you smile at him brightly because you really can't help it and you feel your heart beat and dance around in your chest when he offers you a handsome smile in return. not his usual boastful one, the one only reserved for you. the one that makes your heart beat intensely, but more sweetly and makes it melt like liquid honey.

this is the best.

you're a few hours ( and a lot of slices of cake) later into the evening, when you lean against the wall to take a breather. you're cheeks hurt with how hard you've been laughing and you sigh happily, the noise being drowned out by the loud speakers booming as you take a sip of your favorite drink.

"yo." you turn to see sero right next to you, "hey !" you chirp loudly, trying to get him to hear you over the music. he smiles easily at you, taking a sip from his drink before he continues

"looks like blasty's havin' fun." he chuckled, pointing his cup to where your boyfriend had been dragged into an impromptu conga line. you burst out laughing, pulling out your phone to record. and while you're recording he notices and glares right at you, you offer him a taunting little wave and cheer him on. and his narrowed eyes need no words as his hands tighten on deku's shoulders in front of him. the green haired boy's eyes widen in surprise as his mouth open in surprise.

"you're gonna pay for that." you chortle.

"looks like this party was a succes, huh ?" sero utters softly, going to take another sip before leaning his red cup over to you. you laugh with a shake of your head.

"yep !" you agree, knocking your cup against his.

a warm hand wraps around your wrist. you don't know if you ever stopped smiling since the beginning of the evening, but you smile wider when his warmth practically engulfes you, his chest pressed to your back as he pulls you against it. you look up at him to see him trying to supress a smile, not well, but he's trying. "finally caught you." katsuki growls.

"you havin' fun ?" you sing. he scoffs "bein' dragged around playing limbo with those fuckin' cheaters ? yeah, plenty." the words come out bitterly at the memory of kaminari 'setting him up' during your game of limbo, competitive as always. you laugh at his sarcastic remark.

"i think you looked real handsome during the conga line," you sigh sweetly to sell the act, "so dreamy.." his words get caught in his throat and he pokes at your stomach in punishment to make you squirm around, then he's reaching to grab your hips shuffles around in your pockets while you try to keep him away. "i saw you recording me, freak ! gimme the phone."

"no !"

"give it !"

"leave me be, it's a m-momento for your 18th birthday !" you wheeze, giggling and shrieking as he takes his chance to tickle you. you hear him chuckle into your ear and he finally relents. "m'getting to that phone while you're asleep." you fake gasp in shock, wrapping your arms around yourself.

"you wouldn't !"

"don't test me." he snarks, throwing you a teasing grin. however, his expression morphs into a soft one, he shoves his hands into his black baggy jean pockets.

"heard you planned all this, huh ?" your eyes widen.

"no, no we all did."

"but it was your idea." he insists, and cuts you off before you can continue "don't bother, kirishima already told me." as thankful as you were for his help, you cursed kirishima in your head for throwing you to the explosive wolf like this. it's not like you were angry, but you really couldn't have done all of this on your own and it was definitely a team effort.

"well, i mean..yeah.." you admitted shyly, fumbling around with your hands. it's silent, then he chuckles at your humbleness and you're slowly, agonizingly slow at that, being backed up against the nearest wall. and his forehead maes contact with yours, you're tucked away into a corner of the gym where the rest can't see you, he places his arms against the wall next to your head.

your eyes dart from his to the floor "i just thought..it could be fun, you know..? m'sorry for lying to you about the bookstore.." you spilled, trying your best to stutter out an apology, until he stops you, raising your head up with his finger.

"you're really somethin' else, you know that ?" he smirks softly " i knew you were planning somethin', you were being too secretive. hanging out with my mom and shit, sneaky brat."

"i like hanging out with your mom !" you defending the older woman has your boyfriend roll his eyes "should like hanging out with your boyfriend first." he quips. you roll your eyes as well, but it doesn't take you long to burst into a fit of laughter and he follows quickly. your chest feels warm, tucked away giggling in this small corner of the bustling party, just you and katsuki.

"i have something i wanna show you." katsuki raises a brow at your sudden words. "oh, yeah ?" you nod. "but it's in my room." you offer him your hand shyly, and he smiles softly, huffing through his nose. grabbing your hand as you pull him out of the gym and walking silently into the night back towards the dorms.

"hey.." katsuki starts, you hum. "uhm, y'know—fuck.." he fumbles with his words and pulls you along when you stop walking to listen to him, wanting to continue so you wouldn't notice his embarrassed state too hard.

"thanks for this." your eyes widen and it's like he sensed you were about to speak because he interrupts you "yeah, yeah i know you all did." he mimicks your words, squeezing your hand in his warm one "but you thought it all up, so..thanks." he glances down at you " when i said i appreciated it, i really did. i really do."

your heart thump, thump, thumps against your chest, you feel it hammer in your ear. your hand squeezes his and he squeezes a second time. you don't know what you can say, so you smile at him. it's late at night and tiredness has finally started kicking in now that the music fades further and further away, but you're so, so happy and you think he can see it too. his smile slightly dimmer but still there and it makes you feel so warm and loved despite the slight chill of the outside. you wish you could see him smiling like this all the time with all your heart. and you hope he'll like your gifts and all of a sudden your at the entrance of the dorms. you make your way to your room in comfortable silence. your hand getting slightly clammy in his when you finally reach your floor and make your way to your room.

"what did you wanna show me ?" bakugou asks, closing your door behind you. you sit down on your bed and pat the spot next to you. he questions it with a raise of his brow, but doesn't any further and sits down next to you. you inhale, and reach underneath your bed to grab the gift and hand it over to him. his eyes widen, he narrows his eyes at you when your lips curl into a bashful smile.

"yn."

"i know.."

"i told you not to get me anything, stupid." he utters breathlessly, placing his hand onto your head and noogieing you. you reach up to stop him with a whine.

"i knooow !" you moaned "but just open it, please ?" you give him your best puppy eyes. he scoffs but finally relents. grabbing the thin box from your hands. he shakes it softly and you make a noise, reaching for his wrists.

"katsuki !" you giggle "don't shake it !"

"m'just trynna hear what it is."

"then open it !"

finally, he opens his the box. his eyes widen and he places it down on the bed to get a better look at the book you'd made for him. you perk up nervously when he inspects it thoroughly, running his fingers over the stickers you'd stuck to the front.

"i-it's a recipe book, see ? i know you love to cook so i figured you could add all of your favorite recipes in it." he flips the book open while you explain away, skimming over the pages " you can detach the rings too, so if you wanna add pages you can—"

before you know it you're interrupted and practically slammed onto your bed, a pair of warm bulky arms incasing you into your boyfriends chest. you shriek, but it melts into a giggle when he kisses all around your cheeks and nose softly, causing a ticklish sensation and when he lands a particularly wet kiss against your eyelid you laugh.

after moving his recipe booklet to your nightstand to keep it intact, he places you further onto your bed to kiss you again, obnoxiously loud at that, and you try to kiss back to the best of your ability but constantly huffing through your nose and smiling. he leans up to give you a break from his love attack, only for you to be hit dead on with all the love in his eyes.

"i'm gonna assume you're happy with your gift.. ?" he rolls his eyes at your joke, nudging his nose with yours.

"yeah, happy doesn't even begin to cut it. thanks, babe." he simpers, his eyes are bright and you make sure to commit his expression to memory. he leans down again, promptly kissing you deeply, you let yourself get carried away by his love and affection, kissing him back passionately but you remember your last gift for him.

"mm, there's—" he hums, continuing his flurry of kisses "there's something taped—" one more kiss cuts you off "—on the last page of your book, suki." one last loud peck and he pulls away to stare at you incredulously, you never stop surprising him, do you ?

he quickly retrieves it from your nightstand, and if his eyes widened before they practically bulge out of their sockets at the little holographic card neatly taped in his book. he carefully removes the tape and lifts up the card, looks at you, and looks back at the card in shock causing you to giggle.

"i remember how bummed you were after your card got all messed up during the war, so..." you're heart squeezes at the horrific memories of what had happened those few years ago, and how upset your katsuki had been when the card he'd kept close to his heart since he was a kid ended up crumpled up and bloody. he still has it, hidden in a box under his bed, but he never got to bring it to all might to get it signed. so you decided to do it for him and after racing neighborhood kids to get as many packets as you could get your hands on and a few packet of cards, you'd finally pulled it. you knew what you needed to do and the bewildered look in his eye was most definitely worth it.

"holy fuck..holy shit." he insists "how did you even—i—what ??" you burst out laughing at his disbelief, he could be so cute when he wanted to be.

"i just asked mr. all might if he wanted to, and he happily agreed, by the way." you answer simply with a shrug. however your smile fades just a bit when his eyes turn glossy.

"hey.." you crooned. quickly he shoves his head into his shoulder, furiously wiping at his eyes. he sniffles and grabs your wrist. you think he's about to pull you towards him only for him to crash against your chest again. you let out a 'oof !' sound, chuckling breathlessly. you don't say a word as you feel his arms wrap around you tighter, his face and hands heating up against you and the collar of your shirt growing wet. you don't mind, running your fingers through his hair until he's ready to speak again.

"yer gonna be the end of my, woman." his voice is just a little scratchy and he clears his throat, you giggle.

"this..i know i'm not the best at all this emotional stuff but—m'real thankful y'know.." he rambles against your neck, you nod "mhm." you urge.

"a-an' this is honestly more than i could ever ask for. ever." he looks up just enough to make sure you see his slightly red eyes "this is the best gift ever given me. you're the best gift ever given to me, and i dunno what i did to deserve you, but i'm definitely not taken it for granted" he half jokes. you feel your whole body heat up and your eyes burn just a bit at the sincerety of his words.

"i love you, katsu. s'the least i can do." you sniffle. he leans up to kiss you almost immediately. it's soft and sweet and so perfect. it's just passionate and slow enough where you can practically feel the love he's trying to give to you, you know what he's trying to tell you without him even having to speak, because you love him and he loves you.

"i love you." he responds against your lips, you love him and he loves you, and you kiss him again. you hope he can feel how much you love him and how happy you are he enjoyed himself at his surprise birthday party. you hope you can keep seeing him smile like he did tonight and enjoy himself and his cake every year. you hope you can try every single recipe he adds to his recipe book and see the way his eyes light up at his signed holographic all might card every single year.

bakugou pulls away to look at you with all the love in the world and he thinks that any birthday he has in the future will be more than perfect if he can have you by his side for as long as he lives, every year.

aaaand it's done !! tysm to @queenpiranhadon for allowing me to participate in this event, and the last day no less ! such an honor ! i advise you go read my other collab partners chaps to get the context for this one, so please go read their parts as well, cus theyre all so good and so adorable, i had sm fun writing this and i hope yall enjoy <3 happy birthday katsuki !!

taglist *if your name is pink i unfortunately couldn't tag you :(* : @gina239 @mystic60 @meowze4r @icedemon1314 @bigsimpo343 @ah-mya @wheezdostuff @berryvioo @seonne @slayfics @food8me @katsuisbaby @azzo0 @kieran-rhoades @xnorthstar3x @le000xxgrd @tr-mha-fan

day one: you make a birthday gift for katsuki ! - @zanarkandskylines

day two: you invite all of class 1-A to the party ! - @xbabyd0lli3x

day three: you and mitsuki go shopping for decorations ! - @angels-fantasy

day four: katsuki tries to figure out what you’re planning ! - @starieq

day five: you set up gym gamma for the party ! - @lowkeyremi

day six: you bake a cake for the party ! - @queenpiranhadon

day seven: you and your classmates surpise katsuki ! -@cashmoneyyysstuff

#bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugo fluff #bakugou imagine #katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou fluff #bakugo katsuki x reader #katsuki x you #katsuki x y/n #bakugou x fem!reader #bakugou x you #bakugou x y/n #bakugou drabble #bakugo x reader #bakugo x you #bakugo x y/n #an explosive birthday collab event #this was sm fun !!!! #tysm queen for allowing me to participate in this lovely event #and the final day too !! #such an honor <3 #happy birthday katsuki !!! #i love my boyfriend sm im gonna kiss him

[anistarrose]

taz balance one-shot recs!

I've been meaning to make this post for a while now, so here we are! The majority of these are from the past three years or so, because I love a fandom classic as much as anyone, but I particularly want to shine a light on some gems from after the peak of traffic in the fandom tags! There are of course also exceptions that are older, though.

Also, April 19th-21st are Just Leave a Comment Fest, so please show these authors some love!! They're all so deserving!

a recipe for home by @journalofimprobablethings: Taako tries to cook for the first time since Glamour Springs. When things go awry, Lucretia is there to lend a hand.

Gen (Taako & Lucretia), 3.5k. Early B.O.B. era hurt/comfort centered around cooking, with a delicious dollop of sentimentality and dramatic irony on top.

Seven Times Magnus Burnsides Gave Someone A Hug + One Time He Received One by @barry-j-blupjeans: Magnus wasn't really any good at— at words. He was more of an action man. Or, y'know, a "I'll take this hit so you don't have to" man. Talking to someone about their feelings was all kinds of weird, so usually he just left the space for someone else to talk. And, well... Magnus wasn't good at words. But there's a few different ways to get his support across.

Mostly gen with some Magnulia, 8.6k. You've all heard of the classic 5 Plus 1, but obviously Magnus deserves a 7 Plus 1! I don't know how to describe it without spoilers other than being full of incredibly sweet, gentle takes on so many fraught or bittersweet moments. Super underrated, do give it a read.

Embrace the Dark by @ceilingfan5: Bookstore coworkers Kravitz and Taako get more than they bargained for when Taako tries to use his powers to fix Kravitz's migraine. But it's okay--it's an excuse for them to spend time together until one of them can nut up and ask the other out.

Taakitz, 8.9k. Modern with Superpowers AU! Super sweet interactions between Kravitz and Taako, paired with lots of fun background worldbuilding. And, of course, a very special grilled cheese sandwich.

Break This Heavy Chain by Punka_Writes: In the immediate aftermath of Story and Song, Barry Bluejeans could really use a hug.

Blupjeans and misc. platonic interactions, 2.3k. The absolute epitome of comfort food in written form, with excellent Barry characterization (and of course, he does get that hug)!

birds of a feather steal sweaters together by @holdmecloser-gandydancer: When you're a big, burly guy it seems that your clothes just become free reign for all your friends. Normally Magnus is a reasonable guy, but everyone has their limits.

Gen (IPRE crew), 1.9k. Starblaster era fluff! Everyone is written absolutely delightfully, and every time I read it I snort out loud at least twice.

Security by @ceilingfan5: Barry has finally made it--his incredible scientific discovery has landed him a huge fortune...and a lot of problems. The only good thing that's come of it, honestly, has been his bodyguard, Lup. (And the science. That's good also.) He's just gotta stay normal about how nice it is to have someone like Lup around, and also not perish by way of press circuit, and everything will be fine.

Blupjeans, 6k. Modern with magic AU from Barry's POV, featuring equal parts anxiety and pining. Also, it's straight-up extremely funny.

Lonesome Dreams by @jerreeeeeee: Taako wakes up one morning from a nightmare, fast fading. There was a guy in glasses, and they were… somewhere high up? Something terrible happened, but he doesn’t remember. He wakes up in a wagon he’s never seen before, but it has his name on it. There’s tons of food inside, more than he’d be able to afford. And he’s alone. Thinking back to the last thing he remembers is difficult. College? No, he’d graduated. Top of his class, obviously, he remembers that. But what- what happened after? Where is Lup?

Gen (Taako & Lup), 10.2k. Everything starts out the same, except Taako remembers Lup, even if not how she went missing, and it's incredibly underrated and full of phenomenal characterization. I won't spoil how things shake out, but it's a great emotional ride and I genuinely reread it all the time.

it's my party and I'll mope if I want to by @holdmecloser-gandydancer: Taako's birthday is just another Thursday. A detective and an old friend have a different idea.

Gen (Taako & Lucretia & Angus), 2.1k. Short and so sweet! Fics about voidfished!Taako's birthday never get old, and this is one of my absolute favorites. Nailing the angst-to-wholesome ratio.

Tedious Familiarity by @barry-j-blupjeans: Déjà vu. Noun. A feeling of having already experienced the present situation. A tedious familiarity. Barry Bluejeans woke up in a cave, fresh out of a pod filled with green goop, and saddled with an unsettling feeling that he had been here before. If you had asked forty-year-old Barry if he would follow instructions left by a talking coin, he probably would have asked you what type of drugs you were on. But, y’know, fifty… two? Fifty-one? How old was he? Fifty-two sounded right. But, y’know, fifty-two years old Barry didn’t really have that many other places to turn, so this couldn't be all that bad.

Gen, 4.1k. Missing scenes based off Barry's decade alone, written in such an effective style, where all the little details truly make it. Mandatory reading for fellow Barry angst enjoyers.

Angus McDonald and the Wonderland Escape Rooms by coppersunshine: When Angus gets grounded from detecting, to keep his skills sharp he becomes a patron of the Wonderland Escape rooms, run by Edward and Lydia, who quickly decide he's their new nemesis. To their surprise, Angus and the collection of weird adults he's accompanied by decide otherwise.

Gen (Angus & Edward & Lydia), 7k. Modern with magic AU, putting Edward and Lydia in the absolute funniest possible job, at which a little boy detective torments... and maybe, even gives them a chance to turn over a new leaf. I am of the opinion that Angus and the Wonderland twins have a criminally underexplored dynamic, and this fic gave me everything I wanted.

If the Sun and Moon Should Doubt by Punka_Writes: Merle Highchurch, on the brink of a bad decision.

Gen, 1.6k. Merle character study immediately before running out on his marriage. Truly the incredible characterization that Merle deserves; this was a fic that really ignited my love for him.

Greensleeves by @sgrumby: Kravitz has never seen a lich like this before, and he's seen a lot of liches. Merle is just trying to save the universe, thanks very much.

Gen (Kravitz & Merle), 2.2k. A unique and also absolutely genius Lich!Merle AU where Kravitz inevitably comes after him, and Merle is... well, the Peacemaker, of course!

#taz #taz balance #taz balance spoilers #fic rec #long post

[dfortrafalgar]

I'm Losing You... (But We're Filling the Cracks)

Having a family isn't always as easy as fairy tales make it seem.

Warnings: read chapter 1 for warnings.

Taglist: @phsycochan | @mirillua | @augustanna | @chaixsherlock | @whore-of-many-hot-men | @nerdisthenewcool

Chapter 23

[Prev] [Next]

Law hadn’t left you alone since he returned from Wano.  His first order of business when exiting the airport into the mid-summer sun and entering the pick-up car roundabout was to scoop you into his arms and plant a smattering of kisses onto your giggling cheeks.  He couldn’t care less if passersby were staring at his display.  So what if you looked straight out of a rom-com.  He had had enough of, not only being away for a week, but also dealing with snide remarks from multiple colleagues about his incessant calling and texting exchanges with you.

“They’re just mad they’re not as in love as you are,” you had said over the phone, talking him out of a mildly panicked state as he thought about a reality where you left him for being too annoying.

Clearly, with the way you clung to his arm right back since Penguin picked him up from the airport with you in tow, he had absolutely nothing to worry about.

And now, as he drove you back to the fertility clinic for your implantation day, he couldn’t fight the smile on his face.  You were practically buzzing beside him.

“Can you believe it?  Six of the eggs grew into… what were they called again?” you asked.

“Blastocysts,” he claimed.  “The cells that multiply enough times to officially become an embryo.”

You snapped your fingers.  “That’s it.  Six little blastocysts…”  Your voice had a dreamy lilt to it.  “I already talked with Dr. Robin a few days ago, I’m going to have two implanted and the rest will be frozen.  That way if neither of them grow, the rest can be used for another try… if we even decide to do that.”  Your voice grew saddened at the prospect.

Your sudden shift in demeanor made Law reach his hand over and pat your thigh.  “Hey, chin up.  This is going to work.  It has to.”

You took a deep breath, passing him a smile that he caught out of the corner of his eye.  “You’re right.”

“Is there a reason you picked two instead of one?” he asked, his eyes flickering between the road and his rearview mirror.  He clicked his tongue disapprovingly as the car riding his tailgate finally entered the left lane and sped around him.

“I picked two so the chances are higher that one of them implants.  Robin said it’s likely that only one of them will take, and the other will be expelled with some simple spotting like nothing.”  You anxiously tapped your fingers on your thigh.  “I just really… really hope this works, Law…”

Law flicked his right blinker on to turn into the parking lot.  “It will.  I’m sure of it.  And you know me, I’m not sure about a lot.”

You chuckled.  “Yes you are.  You’re sure about everything in your life.”

He put his car into park, twisting the key in the ignition to turn off his car.  He finally took the opportunity to lean over his center console and press a tender kiss to your lips.  “I am.  This is going to work.  Four little eggs in a freezer, and hopefully one little baby for us.”

Your heart swelled at the thought.  A rush of adrenaline flooded through your veins at the thought of your husband carefully cradling a newborn.  Something about the internal image of the sexiest man in your life placing gentle kisses on a baby’s forehead, holding them in his strong arms and swaddling them in blankets…

“Hey,” he snapped his fingers in your face, ripping you from your daydream.  “What’s got you thinking so hard?”

“Nothing,” you replied with a smile.

—

You were starting to greatly dislike ultrasound tables.  So far, none of them had led to anything promising, and the feeling of the cold gel against your lower stomach was becoming a sensation of grief and anxiety rather than the promise of viewing a fetus on the black and white monitor.  Nevertheless, you powered through your discomfort and stared at the ceiling.  Law sat in a small chair directly beside your bed as the technician set up the machine.  Everything was running like cogs in a well-oiled machine.  They had to be fairly quick about it, placing the eggs into your body before they expired.  For the past week and a half, they had been kept in a special incubator to grow into the blastocyst stage, which was where you were at now.  After a few days of hormone shots to prep your uterine lining for the implantation, it was finally time.

You took a deep breath as your doctor entered the room, a small plate in her gloved hands.

“You’re going to get to watch the implantation process on the ultrasound,” she explained with a small grin.  “We’re going to insert a thin tube into your vagina and through your cervix, and the eggs will pass through there.  We let your body take care of the rest.  If everything goes as planned, one of them should implant to your uterine wall and form a placenta.”

You nodded, your hands holding your shirt up below your breasts and keeping your belly exposed.  “Sounds good.”

Law placed a reassuring pat against the outside of your calf, your legs and feet held up by the cold, uncomfortable stirrups mounted at the end of the bed.  Easy access for your genitals, and everything.

The process was far quicker than you expected, and no pain relief was necessary.  You felt an admittedly uncomfortable cramping sensation as the thin tube passed through your cervix, but it was nothing you weren’t already used to.  Your eyes were on your husband’s as he stared at the ultrasound monitor, clearly fascinated with the technology and process of the entire process you had been enduring.  He viewed the screen with baited breath as the needle passed through the tube and injected the two blastocysts into your uterus before pulling out.  The tube followed, you sucking in a sharp breath at the awful, twisting burn that was felt when the tube left your body before leaving you with nothing but a residual, dull throb.

“Alright, all done!” Robin called, bringing the materials to the nearby counter and disposing them in their respective receptacles.  “Now all we have to do is wait about 12 to 14 days, and then you’ll be back in the outpatient lab for a pregnancy test.”

Law helped you sit up on the bed, handing you your underwear and shorts.  “That’s it?”

She nodded.  “Yup.  If the first blood test comes back as positive, we will continue testing every week for about a month or so to ensure that your hCG levels are rising normally.  If they are, we’ll begin the usual routine of prenatal scans and care, just as a normal pregnancy would be.”

Finally fully dressed and on your feet, you stepped into your shoes.  “And if not?”

“Then we wait about six months and try again.  But…” she tossed you a look.  Her bright blue eyes held an emotion from her that you hadn’t seen before.  Something that was almost hopeful.  “Don’t ask me why, but I have a good feeling about this.”

You bit the inside of your lip.  First your husband, now your doctor.  You were starting to wonder if everyone was part of some secret pregnancy conspiracy that you had no part in.  Whatever it was, you were desperate to not get your hopes up.  If you lost one more pregnancy, you were considering yourself done.  You’d most likely either remain a childfree couple for the rest of your life, or go through the years-long process of adoption.  Neither sounded very pleasing to you.  You just wanted a baby.  Your own baby.  Was that too much to ask?

You kept your mouth shut as you exited the clinic with your husband in front of you, holding your fingers in his hand.  You barely exhaled until you got outside.

“You did great in there, baby,” he reassured, rubbing your back as he helped you to the car.

“I just don’t want to get my hopes up, that’s all,” you muttered, climbing into the passenger seat.  Law rounded the car and sat behind the steering wheel, putting his key in the ignition and blasting the air conditioning to cool down the stifling car.

“Well… you might hate me for this, then, but I got you something.”  Law reached into the pocket that was built into the back of your seat, pulling out a flat, brown paper bag.  “I saw it at the airport oddly enough and got it on a whim, I know I probably shouldn’t have but… it drew me in.”

You took the bag from him, the rough paper crinkling under your fingertips as you eyed it suspiciously.  “Are you gonna make me cry again?”

He simply shrugged.  “Guess we’ll find out.”

Slowly, you parted the opening of the bag and reached inside.  Your fingers felt some kind of hard slab, metal rings wrapping around one side of it.  Some sort of notebook.  You pulled it from the paper, your eyes widening as you took in what you held in your hands.

A hardcover journal, each page printed on high-quality glossy paper.  The outside cover was titled, ‘My Pregnancy Journal.’

“Hold on…” you uttered, gazing at the cover, an illustration depicting a mother and an infant was below the title font.  “You found this at the airport?”

“Yeah, it was weird.  And I kind of felt weird buying it.  The old lady behind the counter definitely gave me a strange look,” he explained, the corners of his lips curling into a small smile.  “You don’t have to use it.  You don’t even have to keep it.  But I had this odd feeling and just… got it.”

You silently flipped through the pages.  The book was thin, only about 95 pages in total, and was separated into three segments for each trimester of a pregnancy.  Each page was labeled with different prompts and phrases to encourage documenting the course of a pregnancy.  Your heart was hammering in your chest.

“Th… Thank you…” you whispered, gazing at the front cover.

Your head was still held down, staring at the illustration on the front cover.  Law leaned over the center console once more and pressed a kiss to your hair.  “Again, you don’t have to use it.  But I thought, if everything goes as planned… it would be nice to have.”

You clutched the book to your chest, fighting the tears welling in your eyes.  There were so many words you wanted to say.  To thank your husband for thinking of you in such an odd location, to thank him for being so tender and caring with his words and embraces, but to also berate him for the irrational fear of jinxing the pregnancy that you both so desperately wanted.  Instead of speaking, you simply kept your mouth shut, smiling at the glove box as Law put his car in reverse and exited the parking lot.

“Do you want ice cream?” he asked, breaking the silence, his hand resting idly on the gear shift.  He had a small smirk on his lips as he glanced at you from his peripheral.

You finally picked your head up, casting a warm smile at him.  “Uhm, fuck yeah I want ice cream.”

—

Law had another 24 hour shift starting that evening at 8:00 PM, leaving you home alone with Bepo.  While you deliberated on inviting your friends over, you ultimately decided on spending the evening by yourself, enjoying the peace and quiet of your little home.  You made a small trip to the drugstore that thankfully didn’t close until 10:00 PM and grabbed a small bottle of lavender-scented bubble bath soap, a new bottle of moisturizer, and a small box of individually wrapped milk chocolate candies.  Your bath was one of the most peaceful ones of your life, soaking in the hot, bubbly water, warming your senses with the relaxing smell of lavender and vanilla while a small candle burned on the floor beside the tub, filling the air with a blissful warmth.

When you finally pulled the plug on your drain and dried yourself off, you found yourself laying on the couch in your living space, blankly scrolling through your phone.  Bepo was on his doggy bed in the corner of the room, snoring up a storm.  You sighed, placing your phone on the coffee table and resting your hands on your lower belly.

Two little eggs were supposed to be in there.  One of them should be implanted.

With a small huff, you stood from the couch and proceeded to your bedroom.  You fumbled through the dim lighting of your bedside lamp toward Law’s desk, plucking the journal he had gotten you from the top of a stack of papers.  Your fingers traced the text on the cover.  You carried it close to your heart, grabbing a pen from the junk drawer in your kitchen before sitting back on the couch.

You paused after writing a few lines.  You were unintentionally addressing the baby that hadn’t even started growing.  You swallowed the lump in your throat.

#x reader #reader insert #fem reader #law x reader #trafalgar law x reader #one piece x reader #op x reader #trafalgar d water law x reader #trafalgar d water law #trafalgar law #i'm losing you

[cozy-the-overlord]

Seeing people complain about the Speak Now vault tracks being too teenagery …. gee, you’d almost think a teenager wrote them /s

#i feel like it’s a lose lose situation #because if they’re ‘too mature’ like on the red vault people accuse her of writing them recently #but if they’re ‘too immature’ people complain about them being not as good #i for one really like the speak now vault #it may not be as deep as red but i think it’s still really eye-opening #like the kinds of things she was thinking about but felt she couldn’t share #idk maybe it’s because i was a Small Child when speak now came out #and it was really the first album i ever became obsessed with #and as a result i idolized taylor as this beacon of perfection and grown-up-ness #like obviously I’ve long since recognized that she was still a child in a lot of ways in that era #but hearing the vault tracks really made her feel like a Real Teenager to me in a way i never had before? #like the anxiety on electric touch #the insecurity on when emma falls in love #the hopefulness tinged with self-loathing/self-criticalness on foolish one #the wattpad-tinged fantasy of i can see you #idk i feel like teenage me would have related to all that a lot in a way that i never did with her other music #idk i’m rambling #i need to go to bed #taylor swift #speak now taylor’s version

[shikai-the-storyteller]

AWH... I'm skipping through Roier's QSMP Day 1 VOD because I'm looking for a specific thing, and I just noticed that when Jaiden stands in front of the group to do her introduction and her mic isn't working, Mariana laughs (not in a mean way, I laughed too) and Roier immediately smacks him and tells him off for laughing.

[Timestamp ~36m 50s, volume warning for Quackity's awful mic]

It's such a little thing, but I think it's really sweet in retrospect, especially considering how Roier and Jaiden have become such good friends in recent weeks :')

#i talk #qsmp talk #legitimately though I frickin adore Roier and Jaiden's friendship IT'S SO SWEET THEY'RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS... #Jaiden was so nervous the first few days of QSMP and she talked about how she was too anxious to talk to people she didn't know #So this Egg event really helped her (and a lot of other people too) #It gave everyone a chance to make friends / bonds with people they might not have interacted with as much otherwise #it's just really sweet #I've got a special place in my heart for Jaiden I like her a lot #I used to watch her animations a bunch because my little cousin loves her #then I just kinda stopped because I don't watch Youtube creators much and my memory is awful #But QSMP made me start watching her again #and I found out all the stuff she's had to go through and I watched her videos where she talks about more serious stuff / her personal life #and like not to sound parasocial or whatever but my ''protective parental instinct'' went nuts after hearing all that #she's been through the wringer but it seems like she's doing a lot better #she's really funny and cool #but social anxiety is still a nightmare #I'm really glad she got Roier as her Egg partner -- he's so friendly and nice I think it really helped her relax a lot #and she's actually learning more Spanish despite saying she had 0 Spanish knowledge whatsoever when joining the server!!! #Idk man I'm just really proud of everything everyone's been doing on the server #and I'm really proud of Quackity for bringing people together like this. It's amazing #I love him so much and I'm so grateful this server exists. #First and Best Multilingual server baby!!! #Anyways I forgot how bad Quackity's mic sucked from literally everyone else's perspectives on Day 1 LMFAO #Roier specifically says ''Don't laugh!'' and ''Give [her] a pass!'' (for the mute issue) #alright I added a clip I can't not put a clip for this

[sunsetzer]

On one hand, I want a final fantasy 6 remake, because the game is criminally underrated and the amount of fan content (which is all absolutely fantastic btw) is Not Enough for my neurodivergent, hyperfixating brain.

On the other hand, that would inevitably encourage more people to join the fandom, which would be great, except it seems these days the bigger a fandom gets the more toxic it becomes, and I really like what we have going on over here in our little corner. We all just love the game and its characters and nobody fights about who should and shouldn't date who or who you shouldn't like because they're ~problematique~. Nobody's trying to make one ship morally better than another, nobody's calling anyone names or threatening to doxx people who don't agree with their opinions. It's so peaceful and I love that for us. We're just vibing. Moisturized. Unbothered. In our lane. Flourishing.

#as someone who was in an extremely toxic and chaotic fandom and lowkey still traumatized #to the point where I'm afraid to mention which fandom it was/what my ship was #i have to say #i genuinely love it here #i was nervous at first sharing my ships and headcanons but everyone is so chill i was worried for nothing #thank you to everyone I've interacted with who has made this fandom a healing experience for me #i shudder to think about what some of the people i interacted with in a previous fandom would do with ff6 #probably would take edgar's flirting at face value and call him problematic for objectifying women #instead of considering the narrative and what we know about him and the way he actually treats women #my man drinks loving and respecting women juice he's not a creep #or that weird moment with relm that admittedly made me double take before i realized what he meant #theyd have a whole campaign against him lmfao #bc those people boil characters alive until they're just a formless pile of tropes and stereotypes #and seem to disregard all positive aspects of a character they don't like which is fine #but then they go and try to force other people to think like they do and ugh #theres a lot of silly moments in the game and aspects of these characters that make them well rounded and realistically flawed at times #and i fear that would get lost in the chaos if the floodgates opened after a remake #maybe im just jaded lmao #im jaded and i have anxiety so im always thinking about The Worst Case Scenario #the collective positive spirit of the dwellers in this fandom might actually foster a positive space if more people were to come in #ff6 #my post #i was gonna say maybe this is bc we're mostly adults #but that falls flat when i remember how some of the most toxic and immature people in some fandoms are grown ass adults #who bully each other and younger fans #and some of the most mature and cool people were actually younger #maybe ff6 fans are just built different lmao #also idk how old anyone else actually is there might be teenagers here i just don't think about it a lot

[daz4i]

yknow i noticed the small steps method doesn't help me and only stresses me out more. and like i just get stuck on the first step anyway and never move on to the next one, i'll probably even go back to the start eventually really. i'm apparently an all or nothing guy i can't think of an action as multiple actions bc it stresses me out i just need to either do it or not. the problem is i usually end up not

#i talked to my social worker abt this today #bc like he said that in order to have an easier time going outside i need to do it often enough to get used to it #but for me it's like. i go outside when i need to. yknow? #(days where my anxiety is painfully debilitating don't count lol) #i'm gonna be uncomfortable anyway. bc being outside is inherently unpleasant for me. it's not smth i can get used to #i compared this to going to the dentist. you do it bc you have to but you won't go just to get used to it yknow? #so my thought process is. i'm gonna have to start going outside every day soon for the art program. so i'm just gonna do it #i took a bus one time with my mentor/guide(??) to see that i can do it and i did. so i broke the barrier kinda #but it's not like i'm just gonna take the bus for fun?? i'll get used to it as i do it. i think. like i was before. hopefully #idk it feels pretty obvious to me but it baffled him i think 😭 #both of them offered to just go downstairs with me. sit at the lobby of my building or smth #but it feels silly to me like. if i'm getting dressed i may as well go do smth yknow?? #idk. again it makes a lot of sense to me but i don't think they get it #i think i'm generally very odd when it comes to other ppl in this recovery program 😭😭 just like i was in that social anxiety support group #(aka everyone went there for stage fright which isn't an issue for me i like being on a stage. hate one on one conversations tho - #- which was comfortable for them. so this was. well. the first step!!! in a lot of its sessions. and it just made me feel bad) #anyway that was my ramble. sorry. my brain is weird

[aroaceofthesea]

I thought i had friends but turns out they have a group chat without me and when i found out i asked one of them if they could add me but its been over a week and i havent heard about it again

#i mean i understand why they have it #i guess it evolved from the group they made when they started going out which i consciously avoided #but idk it feels weird that now that they use it for other things too they didnt add me #and that when i saw it i was like oh i dont think im there! and the one i was talking about was like oh thats true do you want to be added? #and idk its not the first time it happened either #when they made a group chat with the guys they also didnt include me and i thought it was also bc it was for going out #(which it was) #but turns out a couple guys who also never or almost never go out were actually there so idk #not feeling great about my uni friends these days #at least im on pretty good terms with most of the class so i dont think it will be very hard to change groups? #like permanently i dont think ill be able to until next year starts (yay anxiety) #but i still spend like most breaks etc with other ppl bc at this point idk i dont trust my friends a lot.... #also doesnt help that my 2 closest friends barely come anymore😔 #mine #uni #rant

[femme-malewife]

Hm hm~

#im lost in my own memories as well as recounting what my mother has told me #i will admit i do not fully recall things from before i was 5. but i do have some vague memories. i KNOW Part of Your World was the... #well...first song i ever memorized. i remember putting the movie in my vhs player and rewinding the song . waiting. then pushing play again #to listen to the song and sing along with it. i would sing With ariel. i spent hours doing this with plenty of songs :) #until i got the hang of it and could perfectly (or as perfectly as a prek age kid can) sing it. i did this with a LOT of songs from movies #i sang disney. i sang barbie. (most specifically “free” from princess and the pauper. tbh tho i mostly sang Barbies part and not Ericas???) #but i did sing all of the other girl parts in that movie... #anyway. i joined choir come middle school. was in varsity. joined the highest choir a little 1st year in HS can join when i got into HS #something i still hold pride in bc we had tryouts for it :) i had multiple solos for choir concerts. in my 2nd year of HS i was bumped up #to Chorale choir (aka THE highest choir...intermingling boys and girls) and i even tried out for Show Choir #which you can only try out if you are in Acapella (the highest a freshman can be in) or Chorale. and only 10 to 12 girls make it in #and i made it in :) #sure by then i felt overshadowed but i had a ton of fun :) i quit choir my last two years bc... #well. i was pursuing a possible medical career via classes #but i still sing to this day. its so Relaxing and releases SO much serotonin. and tbh whats the weirdest part..? #when i try to record myself singing i get all nervous. but the moment i hold a microphone? even if im recording? my confidence shoots up #and my anxiety goes away #i love the stage. i love singing. idc if its ''cringe'' or im a Horrible person for ''loving disney'' but without disney songs? #i might not have grown into the person i am with singing as my biggest passion #so YES im going to see TLM live action in theaters. I. Dont. Care. if people think the movie sucks before they even see it #that shit SHAPED my childhood

[noxtivagus]

🤍

#🌙.rambles #continuation!!!!! #i think. this world is lonely for people who think like me #especially since i'm still young i think it's harder for me to find people like me #wah... moments n nights like these #my whole family's basically sick at this point but we're happy #i love how i smile as you smile. how i laugh as you laugh #i love how i imagine. there are worlds in my head that only i know #i love how i write n how i'm aware of how the memories n my life n myself #n i love the way i analyze myself n others #n how my experiences have made me to be this way #i want to do a lot better tho n keep on improving myself #so i'll read! n learn! n study harder! #one aspect in my life that i've been particularly weak tho is socially #frankly idk how i'm really supposed to fix that😭 but i try #idk it's a bit hard to get closer w ppl lately when we're all busy #n maybe it's my intuition or anxiety but #i wonder if i've ever been the first choice. or someone special. maybe in a childhood friend way or the friend you can confide in #the one you go to for advice? or the one that comforts you. i wonder what i mean to others #as usual though above all i want to focus on improving myself. holistically #i still feel so sick rn wah i'm gna rest ><

[astrxealis]

it is so weird being a mentor now ... ;O

( tags got really sentimental at the end WHEEZE beware if you check T___T )

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i like it though !! :O + it looks cool AND i love helping people out hehe #i've been joining a lot of pfs and helping ppl mhmhmhm super fun <3 #it's weird though bcs now i see stuff for like ... nier/eden raids First Time/Unsync/Sync wtvr but. Man. i was literally There #it's weird but ?? just in a sentimental way :O like how i now seem like those mentors w rlly nice glams and all ?? #that i used to be like Wow at when i was newer to the gave ... then again i'm almost 2 years into this game >< crazy to think honestly #⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚ #i do believe that ffxiv's story is something i wish for those i love to try out :'O hehe it made me genuinely overjoyed when my irls started #altho they DO have good taste with one liking persona (3 4 5 and not just 5!!) and the other w. a LOT #including nier and fire emblem and elden ring!! i love them /p they are my bro while the other is my bestie <33 #hm. i might get off track so i'll get back onto what i'm actually rambling about GBJSHDBHG #i do savage... ultimates... pvp... gpose and glamour :O i just don't do rp HJSDHGJ not yet at least >< #idk it just. man i'm pROUD OH MY GOD I JUST SAW GAWR GURA IN GAME uh yeah anyways yeah i'm really proud #here i am now literally doing some of the hardest content in game. when back in ... even shb nier e9s etc OH MY GOD... #first time doing e5?? i think it was e5. i literally was on the floor for most of the fight LMAO and back then as drg #i didn't know my goddamn rotation and didn't. use geirskogul (i forgot spelling sorry) until it was time for red dragon phase ... man #and now. yeah!! idk it's sentimental hours :'> wahhhh i'm really proud of myself for coming this far hehe #and i have to thank a lot of it to ffxiv in more ways than one T___T that game really is the epitome of Not Just A Game for me #it's helped w my social anxiety and anxiety and self esteem and inspiration and so much more including my probable. depression #and uhhhhhhh yeah yeah yk what connects to that HAHA so yeah as you can tell endwalker hit me SO hard #literally the only thing i couldn't relate to in endwalker is having lost a loved one bcs i have not yet... but i can. understand yeah :')) #ybghbhshjhbhdb idk i just think i deserve the biggest hug :] and even if no one will give it to me except for myself #i think that's enough. at the very least <333 #it's probably not obvious but. i still struggle with those kind of feelings a lot ... but i'm really proud of how strong i am >_< #i think loving yourself isn't really like. necessarily All The Time. i have my downs but generally i'm proud and glad to say that i love me