#i think im getting better tho

[lilcowzia]

so tired of mcfreakin sneezing 🥺

#i think im getting better tho

[pomegranarchy]

My white lady design ft hubby and the hollow knight

#white lady #hollow knight #hollow knight art #art #the pale king #the hollow knight #drawing so many branches is hard #i think im getting better tho #hyaf #have you any faith?

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

[claperpip]

hold up i think i have more casey stuff lemme check

#rottmnt #rise casey jones #cassandra jones #okay fr tho i think she may be my favorite character besides leo #shes ICONIC #rise capril #rise of the tmnt #also i hate coloring my pieces but im getting better #casey jones

[puppyeared]

axolotl

#covers my face. this is dumb theyre dumb idk what was going thru my mind making this.h #i like this brush tho i think ill keep using it #i had this thought awhile ago that axolotls kind of remind me of macs ears. and i had a nice thought that if wukong ever saw one #he'd say the same thing. and thats why im sitting here with my head in my hands #macaque doesnt know if hes embarassed amused or straight up smitten. its all 3 #i have such a hard time drawing necks and shoulders.. mac is supposed to kind of hunch up his shoulders #the way some ppl do when they bow their neck down kind oflike. defensive-tucking in position when theyre making themselves small #i cant really get it to look right so it kinda looks like his head is sunken too close to his shoulders. so i guess ill keep practising #maybe if i brought his head closer to the collarbone it will look better. but i struggle with foreshortening so theres a chance itll #just look like his neck starts at the collar. ughhh #god have mercy if i ever draw hugs. i hate positioning the shoulder i hate hate hate it. 10 dead 17 injured #i have new design note ideas for em but ill post another time #myart #doodles #lego monkie kid #lmk #monkie kid #shadowpeach #lmk sun wukong #lmk swk #lmk macaque #lmk six eared macaque #lmk liu er mihou

[katabay]

my knight-monk agenda strikes again, but this was less of a 'I read something that made me experience several emotions and a strike of inspiration at once,' and more of a 'wouldn't it be fucked up if the bejeweled skeleton saints came to life and and started. eating people. or something. in revenge. medieval catholic horror, or an older horror of not being buried right. zombies, even. a complete bastardization of holy visuals. zombies.'

it's a far away idea, but I still wanted to play around with font layouts. like, if I DID make it into a full comic: these would be visual vibes, perhaps.

it's also a little bit about the kind of intimacy that these kinds of spaces provide, or in the case of this monk: the heavy trauma of war and the death of your brother, the escape to a secluded monastery, spiritual brotherhood to make up for your dead brother, but your role as a physician keeps pulling you back to this violence you want to escape. physician, heal thyself, only you have a holy calling to serve those in need, so instead: physician, open up your wounds again. saint jude, patron saint of lost causes, give us a fucking hand here, man. amen.

Homosexuality in the Renaissance: Behavior, Identity, and Artistic Expression, James M. Saslow

and this one is about earlier history than the medieval period that this comic is set in, but the monk character is sort of an exploration of earlier themes. a little bit. I like overlapping eras with each other, I've done it before and I'll do it again. this character is an exploration of some other stuff too, but mostly this book was interesting to read

From Monastery to Hospital: Christian Monasticism and the Transformation of Health Care in Late Antiquity, Andrew T Crislip

bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost

#i almost made him a benedictine monk but then we would've been reaching territory i do not feel like suffering through #generic medieval tag #i had more tags but i started talking politics and honestly if im going to talk politics i think its better to just make a post about it #i dont actually talk politics on tumblr even tho a lot of my work is extremely political in its subtext/text #because i think that tumblr is very annoying for that. its so anglo-american-western centric in its political theory #and i am WELL beyond that. i use twitter for politics because i love suffering lmao but also its like. still better for getting stuff done #komiks tag

[spookberry]

Why is the Pool at Haunted High an actual giant cup of water tho

(Previous) (next)

#danny phantom #my art #monster high #haunted high arc #im thinking this comic may be getting away from me in terms of size cuz i have so much left and i EXPANDED PARTS #im having fun tho so as long as people dont mind ill just keep at it #hey to those of you who havent seen haunted the movie do yall still understand whats going on here? #like they went to the pool to teach the ghouls how to ghost better #half normie au

[why-the-heck-not]

Trying to listen to podcast to calm down to sleep -> loud as fuck ad. Trying to check something quick from a youtube tutorial -> first gotta watch 2x 30 second unskippable ads. Trying to go to a website -> 2 popups and an ad video automatically start to play. Trying to listen to the radio while driving -> 7 minutes of uninterrupted ad time. Every single free app with those shitty game ads with the stupid annoying ass king. I’m tired !!! I never wanna buy anything ever again !!!!!!!

#watched youtube and skipped the ’’this video is sponsores by’’ only to get hit with 2 30sec unskippable ads and I just deleted the youtube #app from my phone with pure rage I’m fucking tired of ads everywhere all the good goddamn time #nYx PLuMpIng GLoss pLumP yOurSeLf Up BabY go fucking die #(also im tired so im unreasonably mad at every minor thing rn but like this has been the sentiment for months) #(should’ve gone for that walk I was thinking abt would’ve been much calmer) #(bc now rage deleted all the ''fun''' apps from my phone it's now just the essentials in there (tho did keep podcasts & Spotify bc those I #refuse to give up) like idk this better stick I want phone screen time of 1-2h per day) #april 2024 #2024

[crow085]

Au where vader gets captured

#Ahsoka: mental breakdown Vader: zzz sleepy...... #Ahsoka Tano #Darth Vader #Fancomic. #there's so many things im not hppy with about this but like my other comics i get sick of them #I think the continuity and perspective is messed up for a few pannels #the freeform words looked better than i expected tho #this is the art tag #Bail Organa

[garnet-xx-rose]

Reading the POTO novel for the first time and for as much as people claim “ALW romanticized the Phantom” I would argue he “romanticized” Raoul. Raoul in the book is annoying af and has a really weird superiority-inferiority complex. Just your average 21 yr old scrawny young man. Not at all like the Prince Charming he’s made out to be in the musical.

He’s out here slut shaming Christine LIKE WHAT??????

Honestly, The Phantom AND Raoul got a glow up in the musical, they should be thankful.

#phantom of the opera #raoul de chagny #christine daae #this might be an unpopular opinion #But im really glad the musical is the way it is #I do not think an ‘accurate’ musical adaption of this book could work #Even the other phantom musicals don’t follow the book really and reading it I totally get why #I’m having a great time tho #And christine deserves better from everything in life #Raouls 21 and being a baby and Christine is the same age and even tho she’s a little delulu she is holding up way better than he is #Christine you need a MAN #I don’t even mean an older man just like a GUY thats not following you around all the time and calling you an opera wench

[skitskatdacat63]

"If you asked me yesterday or last week if we had any chance to be in the top five, or even fighting for the podium, I would tell you no. Now, I don't know if I can be so sure, so...let's try."

#hes being very cautious so i dont know what to think #\but im rly glad to hear that the pace is way way better than they were expecting #WE WILL TRY. #<- thats all i care about #we will in fact try!!! and maybe...succeed? #shhhh shhhh im getting ahead of myself #man i have to say tho i miss the floofy bits peaking out from under his cap ahhhhh #old man grow your hair back out #back on my gif grind! wish the back wasnt so blatantly shit but its okay ig. just focus on the old man #fernando alonso #f1 #formula 1 #we do a little bit of f1 #2024 bahrain gp

[mishavoltaire]

was talking to my sister and she said she understands why people like astarion but he's "isn't he shitty"

so this was born, yeah he's shitty but he's MY SHITTY ELF CUNTYFACE VAMPIRE shitty

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #astarion #my sister really dont gets it but girl look at me and my lucio (from arcana game) body pillow and think for a second why i WOULDNT enjoy him #i love my men shitty and cuntyfaced #im so sad i cant play bg3 yet but when i do... #“THERE BETTER NOT BE ANY GAY ELVES SERVING FACE WHEN I TURN AROUND OR SO HELP ME GOD”- that one astarion post #he do be serving face all the goddamn time tho

[kenmaiii]

after two years i finally draw the favorite

#my art #still learning honestly. idk how to explain it but some medias youre so fixated on and obsessed with u instantly want to draw everyone #for me dunmeshi has always been the opposite. series and characters i enjoy sm i cannot bring myself to pick up a pencil #for some reason. it got a lot worse once the anime started airing idk. simply forcing myself to get some of my energy out. in a way #dunmeshi #dungeon meshi #thistle #dunmeshi thistle #thistle dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #>_< series i was into since late 2021. yet u wouldnt know that unless u follow my side twitter account. sowwy ig #i do this with a lot of franchises honestly. cannot bring myself to draw even if i think abt the characters constantly. ie skip to loafer #u will nvr catch me calling this guy sissel sorry. save that name for Mr. Ghost Trick. another thing i. also. dnt talk abt. which i adore #i need to get better at talking abt and expressing myself for the things that i enjoy. ive been wanting to draw laios for a good #while too but im scared. for some reason. u-u should nvr let a white man do that to me honestly. #for now i'll thistle tho. maybe we will get kabru namari or mithrun next from me >_< i have to talk myself into it #i think the closest way i can explain why i cannot bring myself to draw for some series is that i dnt want to mess up somehow #like 'ilu so much [character] what if i cnt draw u the way u deserve even tho i love u sm what if its not enough.' <- leaves it to sm1 else #tbh [scratches head] i prefer the version with less coloring ^-^ but i realize the one thats more colored would get more eyes on it... hm

[aceforwhatevenisthis]

assorted hermit doodles

close-ups under the cut

#still trying my hand at their designs #i love how doc and grian came out tho #i think im getting better at mumbo's hair but this particular design is probably a more relaxed fit for him #poor doc listen i see robotic characters i HAVE to see them literally break it's a requirement #ace draws #hermitcraft #hermitcraft s10 #docm77 #grian #grian fanart #docm77 fanart #mumbo jumbo #mumbo jumbo fanart #hermitblr #artists on tumblr #digital art #doodles #sketches

[penciltopbear]

A PINK ONE

#my art #plushies #ted kord #blue beetle #or. i guess pink beetle now #i dont know if ive made it clear by now but i love when characters get shiny forms #and if they don't get that in canon. ill do it myself. ill make those dudes pink #i like the blue plush better i think. the face looks cuter. slight differences in placement make such a huge difference #they are both cute tho :) #im make a pink ant eventually mark my fucking worms

[brother-emperors]

THE BROTHERS SFORZA

augh. there sure is a lot going on between them. tfw you know your older brother is wary of you so you have to navigate that fine line of proving you're useful, but not dangerously so. tfw your younger brother has the potential to be a knife in your back, but he's your brother. don't think too hard about what happened with the galeazzo. unfortunately, you're both visconti as well as sforza, and the visconti were prone to conspiracy. fucking RIP.

this definitely won't be upsetting years down the line when ascanio is near death and ludovico will be desperate to figure out how to bring his brother's body back to milan so ascanio can be interred in the same place as ludovico's recently deceased wife, beatrice d'este, and where ludovico himself has been haunting in a perpetual state of grief.

& the background of the first panel are public domain scans of two cards out of the visconti-sforza tarot deck.

Ascanio Maria Sforza: la parabola politica di un cardinale-principe del Rinascimento, Marco Pellegrini

#ABSOLUTELY BANANAS PHRASING abt one of these paragraphs btw #'metafora della sottomissione del figlio al padre' okay!! like going into that dynamic with your older brother is so. sooooooooooooo #like it makes sense. this is a dynast family. the father is dead. the eldest son was assassinated. #so now your older brother who was not the eldest brother WOULD assume the father-head of household role #and in the case of an emergency. you would fall into place as his right hand #which was. which was formerly occupied by your mother. and your older sister to the assassinated brother. so. WELL #that IS how you would prove you were useful to the state-household. it's just that. #NOBILITY IS SO FUCKING INSULAR ALL THE TIME. christ #the claustrophobia of being suspicious of your brother but having to rely on him #better to follow the plan your parents and eldest brother had in mind and marry him off to the church #italian renaissance tag #ascanio sforza #ludovico sforza #komiks tag #drawing tag #anyway eventually i'll figure out an art style i like for the renaissance cast. i think im getting close #but AUGH im still missing that feeling of 'yes. good.' im leaning towards the dead lineweight tho. that feels Right.