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#i think my classmates respect me at this point. but idk if its enough that id be safe if I say anything
themountainsays · 2 years
Note
Heyo its me again
(I'll be bothering you now everytime when I have new Ideas)
First of all (again): dont mind the antis who are causing trouble. Most of them just dont have a life yk? Dont like it? Just block it. But most of them dont dont do that so- If smth like that happends I just always have that in mind and then im always snickering bc maybe theyre just undercover shipper that fear other antis so they pretend to not like it :D
BUT ANYWAYS-
I hope youre feeling great otherwise and the problem gets solved soon
About the feeling welcome part: How could anybody not feel welcome? Bc youre just so nice and kind- (never met anyone like that) that its almost impossible to feel uncomfy or sum
Ahem
I keep forgetting my point (my god im writing too much)
So
Urban legend isamira oooor isalores
Bc i keep thinking about that and just-
I really like the idea of one of them being like Kuchisake onna (mostly Isa bc of the black, wonderful hair)
Just imagine: Isa is the kuchisake and mira is her victim. At first its normal and like every story from the kuchisake. But Mira has also a mask on.
And now: sad mira backstory
Family died (prolly got murdered) and the people who did it didnt kill mira. No they did this joker thing (from batman). Like he has cuts on the side of his lips (idk how to describe it) but they healed so theyre just scars. Mira has the same.
So
Back at it again
Isa pulling of Mira's mask bc she wants to see her face and seeing that Mira has the same scars as her. Okay theyre healed but who cares.
Mira just being like: "youre gonna kill me now or nah? .-." Bc Isa just keeps staring at her face bc OMG SHES SO PRETTY AND THEY HAVE THE SAME THING OMFG OMFG. basically Isa just panicking. Mira has enough of it and jist walks away.
It ends in Isa always following Mira and chasing away anybody who wants to date Mira bc Isa is just so inlove-
Ahem
In the end Mira just also falls in love bc this cute girl just keeps following her and omg she fine asf-
Hey there. Thank you. I needed some kind words.
(Uh, I don't wanna drag you or anyone down with my angsting so lemme vent a lil bit here, the fun part starts with the normal-sized letters. Feel free to skip this 😂)
Today has been a good day, but last weekend felt very draining. It's not just "antis" it feels like everyone in the E.ncanto fandom, every single person out there, hates us. I mean, I can name maybe two or three users that I get the feeling have no strong feelings about us, but I swear everyone out there makes me feel so unsafe. And J.uanse publicly denouncing us made me feel like we're under far more threat than I thought, and it's just... everyone... showing so much disgust for us all the time... I can block people, but when I see so many wonderful and well-respected artists and writers insulting us and inciting their large audiences to do the same, and the list of people I need to block grows longer and longer... it feels devastating. And it's not like you can say "it hurts that you try to ostracize us from the community so roughly", because they answer with "you deserve to be ostracized and treated with roughness, because you are gross, sick and subhuman", and all I can think about is, man this feels a lot like discrimination lmao 😂 all I'm saying is, it sounds an awful lot like the shit my homophobic family and old classmates would say. Idk maybe my self-esteem is a bit too fragile. Maybe I'm too sensitive to rejection, though from what I've seen we're many feeling this way so, yeah, I can't help but feeling heartbroken and scared.
But I'm happy I can come across as welcoming. I try my best to keep my online image as clean and friendly as possible. I'm probably not as nice irl 😂 there's less proofreading and editing there. But yeah. I'm flattered to hear you think I'm nice and kind. I hope I can do things right and continue to do things right in the future. We can't convince people out there that we deserve dignity and respect but I at least want to try to offer folks here some kindness ;-;
Ahh okay. Dumb sadness aside. Urban legend isamira 👀
Ok ok so I'd NEVER heard of the kuchisake-onna before so I looked it up and 1) that's terrifying and 2) omg I can see the patterns 👀 the kuchisake-onna originally being human and cheating on her husband so he cuts her face and now as a spirit asking people if they think she's pretty, punishing them no matter the answer. But my favorite part is that one of the suggested methods to escape her is to tell her she "looks average" akskdjfjs i'm sorry that's just so funny to me and it's SUCH a Mirabel thing to say like POV an evil spirit asks you if you think she's pretty and your reaction is this:
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I can........ sorta...... see Isabela's villain origin story happening with Mariano. She never truly loved him, cos gay, so evil!Mariano punished her by cutting her face, now she's a spirit walking around with a pair of scissors ready to cut people in the same way they cut her, and one day she runs into a girl who 1) tells her she looks average and 2) has the same fucking scars hello??? And speaking of scars holy shit dude the whole family?? Killed???? All of them???? And she was mutilated like that?? Fuck man that's A LOT of trauma. I can actually see evil murder spirit Isabela helping her feel understood and protected because she sorta understands, like, trauma. I also find it so cute and funny that Isabela just has a gay panic about her next victim because they have the same scars and she looks pretty?? Ajsjsjfjs that's adorable dude 😭😭😭
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backseatloversz · 3 years
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misc todd and cameron friendship headcanons :-)
feat. misc general todd and cam hcs
first here r a couple ive posted before but just. rly love
they bond over loving bugs and lil creatures. they luv slowing down their friends and family to point out a rabbit across the road or frog on the ground :)
they start playing cards together during study hall or lunch or just whenever theyre bored in senior year. charlie gave cameron a deck but he forgot everything, luckily jeffery taught todd card games on rainy days and he still remembered a few :-)
considering this is a Neil Lives And Everyones Happy au, the other poets or sometimes just other classmates r like what are u doing!! can i play with u!!! i would rather do anything than homework!!! to which they say yes ofc
they stay friends past high school and college cause neither leave the east coast (state?), going into writing (todd) and education (cameron or both), so they still meet up every once in a while to talk about whatever adults talk about :)
neil lives au they talk abt their respective love lives (feat. anderperry obviously and chameron maybe. feat. gay cameron for sure).
canon compliant and bisexual todd au he gets a longterm girlfriend a couple years into college, and talks to cameron about her a lot
todd never told charlie he was mlm but charlie still seems surprised when cam asks if he knows about drew and mentions shes a woman :')
todd and drew only last a few years but they dont end on bad terms, todd just decides romantic relationships arent for him. him and cam talk abt this extensively cause idk theyre best friends now. best friends talk to each other about stuff
through parts of college and early adulthood theyre roommates bc a) theyre friends and have been roommates before so they already know it'll work together and b) they work/study in the same area so its convenient :)
ok back to high school. back to the angst realm. cameron can hear/see todd fighting back tears one time (or maybe vice versa idk) and he just says youre gonna get a headache. from holding it all in, you know? says something about how even if you dont care about repressing ur emotions u should at least care about your short term physical wellbeing. and choking down sobs fucking physically hurts man! so blah blah blah they talk a while longer and then whenever one of them seems emotional but cagey the other will say smth about a headache; not necessarily cause a headache is always what they'll get, it sorta just becomes their words for "dude dont repress your emotions its not good for you"
for the chameron crowd this may or may not have been a tactic charlie used to use on cameron (but never on himself) and when he gets expelled cameron has VERY bittersweet feelings towards him. something something you talked to me about emotions and sexuality but the last time we spoke it ended in you punching me. um
another lil hc ive mentioned before; when charlie gets expelled, he writes to all his friends and all his friends write to him. except for cameron, both still have too many pent up negative emotions to even think abt talking to the other again yet. but charlie never says anything when todd mentions how cameron's been doing
oh btw. maybe i shouldve put this one at the start. i hope no one minds my hc posts are so messy lol. todd is the only/first one to extend an olive branch to cameron post-canon. maybe people expected him to be the last cause he was grew to be close with neil so fast, but like. at the end of the day, he knew all the poets the same amount of time. obviously not each of them as well but he didnt have a lot of history with cameron, good or bad, that'd back up a hatred over betrayal or whatever. he was the first one to nod when cameron tentatively came to sit with them during lunch or study hall or whatever. very "havent we all been through enough already" attitude that the rest of the poets quickly get, too
whats something nicer. i wanna end this on a lighter note. time jump back to post-college years roommates. one day todd is like so do you ever wanna find someone to settle down with? and cams like havent i already? and todds heart just. melts. its not in a romantic sense but like. hasnt that been their goal since high school? breaking tradition
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hitsuackerman · 3 years
Text
What in the World? (Akaashi Keiji x Reader) pt.17
a/n: aye. please read the authors note at the end :)
Akaashi’s lineup: @alluring-akaashi @oikawalmart-hq @extrasugafree @bbykiyoomi @apricotjihyo @awings @simpformiya @sayakaaaaaa @colorseeingchick @demursv1ogs​ @chrisrue15 @beanst0ck  @parttime-simp​  @kit-kat428​ @ntimacy​ @something-that-idk (i have no idea why i can’t tag some of you :( huhu )
links: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 18
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The last thing you saw, before being eaten by whatever Deku projected, were Akaashi’s wide opened eyes. After that, it was nothing but darkness. If it weren’t for Bakugo gripping tightly onto your uniform, you swore you would have experienced a heart attack despite such a young age.
Yet, the sensation of opening your eyes to bland white walls and beeping machines was foreign.
“(y/n)? Darling?” A familiar voice caught your attention. “Are you alright?”
Attempting to sit up, you were assisted with a pair of warm hands. Looking at the owner, your breath hitched upon seeing the face you had been trying to communicate many months back. Scanning the room, you accounted your parents, all your classmates, Bakugo, and Deku. The latter two being assisted by two nurses.
“(y/n)...? Drink this.” Shoto said as he handed a glass of water. Holding the glass to your mouth, he watched as you gulped down the liquid.
“Wh-why am I here?” You muttered. Looking at Bakugo and Deku, seeking answers from them would be useless. Both boys were still groggy and coming to their senses. Only to be met with silence, your eyes tried to meet whoever would dare answer your question. “Why isn’t anyone answering me?”
With the heart monitor picking up your increasing pulse, Shoto carefully placed his arm around your shoulder. Instincts came in as you immediately held on to his hand for support.
“Calm down.” He whispered. “If you want to cry then it’s alright. Giving yourself more stress isn’t good for you.”
Knowing he was right, you leaned on his arm and stared at your palm. Activating your quirk, a small gasp escaped your lips when you felt its power once more. The usual effort of having to use it seemingly vanished. With the glow brighter than ever, you quickly clenched your fist and let out a sigh.
“Shoto?”
“What is it? Are you in pain?” He leaned in closer and held your hand.
“I don’t wanna be here.” It was barely audible but he heard it enough.
“(y/n)-chan?” It wasn’t new for you to hear people calling you by that name but it felt different. Used to hearing Bokuto or even Konoha, your lips twitched upon recalling that you were not in the same world as them. Glancing at the source, Recover Girl had prepared a syringe with some sort of glowing liquid. “This’ll help calm your nerves and prevent your quirk from going haywire.”
Extending your arm, you barely winced as the needle pierced your skin.
“Would you like some privacy?” Recovery Girl asked. Though she knew that there was no need to question, it was only out of respect towards the visitors. Once she received a nod of confirmation, she began to shoo the people out of the room. Save for Shoto, Bakugo, and Deku. “Now that they’re out of the way, how’re you feeling?”
“I feel…” How did you feel? It was bad enough that you were forcibly taken back to where you belonged. If she was talking about your quirk then you were definitely sure how you felt. However, if she meant about the gaping hole developing in your heart then it was something you’d rather not dive into. “I’m not really sure how I feel.”
“Would you like to know why you came back here?”
“If it doesn’t bother you, then yes please.”
“Initially, you were supposed to be back after 4 days. At least that’s what we had initially agreed on.” She began. “But, the machine carrying Bakugo and Midoriya over to your location malfunctioned. Instead of your quirk going haywire, it was Midoriya’s that did. However, it would be better for you to take into consideration.”
“That what?”
“Midoriya and Bakugo were supposedly, in theory at least, to be transported and thereby encapsulated to those tanks over there.” Using her syringe cane, she pointed to the rather large mechanism. “That IV hose on your chest targets your arteries. Because of the nature of your quirk, it was a gamble on our part to see if that was the core of your power.”
“This medical talk is only confusing me.” You let go of Shoto’s hand and massaged your temple. “What is the point of all that?”
“It means that everything that happened, everything you felt and experienced, was nothing but a product of your mind’s unconscious effort to create a paradise.”
“P-pardon?”
“Because we were using your quirk as a means of bringing you back, it was expected that once the both of things were good to go, they would become as little as atoms and be enclosed in those capsules. Once they were stabilized, they would then take a small trip inside that IV hose connected to your chest. Merging them with your quirk, it would open the path to your neocortex and thalamus.”
“I wasn’t asking about the procedure.” You were more than aware you sounded rude but that was beyond you. “Did you say everything was a product of my i-imagination?”
“The effort of saving you could have gone two ways. The hypothesis was that if these two boys shrunk and turned into the size of atoms, then the possibility of another universe was very high. Yet they never did. Their bodies were not affected yet the green light indicated they had safely traversed to where they needed to be.”
“So... “ Feeling your fingers grow numb, you held on to your blanket and relayed all the events that happened. From having to adjust and get to know your surroundings, learning more about whatever life you had before you woke up in that version of Tokyo, to growing closer with the people there, and to eventually finding solace in the skilled hands of a setter… was nothing but a product of your imagination. “None of it was real?”
With no answer coming from the small nurse, you let out a silent cry towards Bakugo and Deku.
“You guys were there right? You saw how each person had their own train of thought? How big that area was?” Blinking the stinging sensation away, you felt tears rolling down your cheek. The heart monitor gradually beeping faster.
“I get that you’re panicking but what Recovery Girl stated, we were informed about it.” Deku explained. “In all honesty, Kacchan and I were putting it into consideration that something was off and that all of that was real. But the more we thought about it, the more it dawned to us that nothing really made sense.”
“Think about it, extra. You told us you’d be reaching 8 months there. I bet your mother there doesn’t even have a damn clue as to who you really are. Don’t even think about foul mouthing me cause I spend a handful of my time debating whether or not that's true or not.”
“Maybe it was a side effect of that villain’s quirk.” Shoto finally spoke up. He had a ton of questions but he knew it would all be left unanswered. “It happened right after, did it not? Perhaps it wasn’t water but something else and that the records were wrong.”
“We rechecked the criminal’s records and can confirm that his quirk was just water.” Recovery Girl added. Standing up, she fixed her coat and walked closer to you. “I know your thoughts are rampant and in a mess but don’t strain yourself. You just woke up and are still in an unstable position. Let me know if you want some Temazepam. Sleep would help.”
Watching her leave, you stared at the large window.
“Akaashi Keiji. Bokuto Kotarou. Konoha. Fukurodani Gakuen. Other Mother. Asami. Akiko.” You began to roll call each person you knew. At least the very important ones.
“Are those names?” Shoto asked softly.
“Yeah.”
“I have a lot of questions but I know you deserve to rest.” He carefully placed his index finger on your cheek to make you stare at him. Seeing how pale and spaced out you were, he motioned for you to scoot over and give him space. Giving him enough room to lay down, you allowed him to pull you into his arms. “I’m all ears if you want to vent it out.”
“I…” Making yourself comfortable, you nuzzled into the crook of his neck. The warmth his body gave was as comforting as ever. Closing your eyes, you began to absentmindedly play with his shirt. “Am I going crazy, Shoto? Everything felt real. There’s no way I’m capable of creating something that vast in my head.”
“Were those the names of the people you encountered?”
“Yeah. A few of them. Shoto?”
“Hm?”
“What did my mom and dad do?”
“Well…” Blinking his thoughts he wasn’t sure whether he should share it or not. “They were planning to get you back forcefully after 3 days. Whether Bakugo or Midoriya were fine with it or not.”
“Hm… I guess nothing’s changed. Truth be told I was kinda expecting something like this to happen.” Wrapping your arm around his body, you allowed your mind to wander what was happening on the other side. Did they remember you? Now that you weren’t there, did the you from the pictures emerge?
“Don’t overthink. Nothing good comes from that.” Turning to face you, he began to pat the back of your head. Despite the countless times he’s done that gesture, he had to admit he was still stiff as a board when it came to affectionate cuddles. “Go to sleep. I’ll see what I can do to help when you wake up.”
“I’m sorry for bringing more drama into your life.” You chuckled as you savored the safety Todoroki Shoto offered. “You have more than enough on your plate.”
“I don’t mind. Just don’t go on by thinking you don’t belong here.” Resting his lips on the crown of your head, he took a moment and blinked his thought process. The slight increase of his heartbeat was a bit off. Thinking it was due to the coffee he had a few hours ago, he shook his head and closed his eyes. “I’ll always be here. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know.”
“I know~”
You weren’t sure how many hours you slept but it still hadn’t sunken in that you woke up next to a sleeping Todoroki. Still in the nurse’s office, you sat up and examined your body. It was only now how you saw the amount of tubes and hoses that pierced your rather weak torso.
Looking across your bed, the machine that had transported Bakugo and Deku stood out like a sore thumb. You could tell it wasn’t the handy work of any of the support students. Staring at the capsules, your eyes followed the connected hose till your vision rested on your chest. It did occur to you that perhaps your heart was the center of your quirk, you just never took it seriously.
“How ironic.” You commented.
Feeling the bed shifting, you glanced over your shoulder and admired how fast asleep your friend was. Remembering that BakuDeku were still in the room, the hospital curtain prevented you from searching for them. Recovery Girl must have given you privacy when you two fell asleep.
Focusing on your palms, you activated your quirk. It truly felt amazing to know your powers were back to the way they were. Yet, being used to not having to rely on it was a whole different story. It may have been 2 months on this side of the world but it would probably be much easier to be relying on your quirk than not.
Slowly laying back down, you rested on your side and stared at the sleeping Shoto. Fixing his bangs, an image of Akaashi sleeping flashed in your mind. Compared to Shoto’s soft features, Akaashi was gifted with rather sharp ones.
What was he doing now? Were his thoughts or memories wiped clean? The last words you said before waking up was his name to add to your growing list of problems.
“Don’t cry.” Drowned in your thoughts, you hadn’t realized that Shoto had woken up. Meeting his eyes, there was nothing but sadness and sincerity.
Wiping the tears with his sleeve, he kept his right palm open. Using his quirk, he began to form little snowflakes.
“You’ve gotten better~” You sniffled. A small smile resting on your tear stained face. If there was one thing you two kept a secret, it was how Shoto couldn’t create detailed snowflakes. On a good day, he could form a few lumps of soft snow but this time, he had managed to create intricate patterns large enough for the eyes to see.
“Found some spare time to practice. It took a while but I realized that I had to incorporate a bit of heat into the mix. It’s pretty, is it not?”
“It is.”
“I won’t ask why you stopped trying to communicate with us here.” He began. “Bakugo and Midoriya managed to send a message about what was happening to them. I was honestly relieved that you were doing fine. But it annoyed how I couldn’t do anything.”
“You did what you could, Tododorky~” You poked his cheek. “Just give me a few days and I’ll answer your questions alright?”
“Alright.”
- - - - -
a/n:
I’m back :D
I posted much later than anticipated and I’m really sorry to keep all of you waiting :( My schedule was just so jam packed and I just couldn’t insert the time to write. If I did, I only managed to squeeze in a few sentences before I gave up due to stress and hatred of whatever the fuck is happening to the company I’m working in -_-
I’ve been feeling quite low these past few days and it’s really making me question whether or not the stories I make are worth reading :( I’m still tired as it is but it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t try to make things better than they are :]
that being said, the next upload date is a bit blurry but I will do my very best to upload back to my original schedule! :)
i hope all of you enjoy your day and this chapter! :) it ain’t much but i tried T.T
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malewifebillcage · 4 years
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The Last Kingdom High School AU - Chapter One
Hey y’all,,, so I finally decided to make this a thing after like 100 years! Anyone remember this post? It’s a thing now!! All my friends in the discord finally convinced me to share my writings with the world so here it is! This is going to be a multi-chapter fic, I will update it during the summer but I have a job so idk if updates will be regular. Anyway here is chapter one aaah!!
Chapter One
TLK High School AU
Word Count: 4.1k
“Oi! Arseling! Get your sorry arse to the principal’s office, now!” Leofric shouted as he slammed the gymnasium’s phone back onto its receiver. Uhtred’s classmates all turned to stare at him with round eyes, like a bunch of identical creepy owls. Uhtred hated those looks. He’d been getting them a lot in the past two years.
“Thank you for coming to see me, Uhtred,” the principal Odda greeted him, smoothing some papers out on his desk as Uhtred shuffled into his office. A steaming hot coffee mug sat to the side, untouched, and a bagel with a single bite mark in it lay on a napkin near the corner of his desk. “I wanted to talk to you about your behavior lately.” Uhtred blinked slowly but said nothing, leaving the ball in Odda’s court. Odda sighed. “You’ve been starting fights a lot lately in the past few months...the most recent one, three days ago, I believe, you sent my son home with a bloody nose and a black eye.”
“He called me names,” Uhtred said tonelessly, “And he’s an arsehole.” Odda grimaced and sucked air through his teeth. “See, Uhtred, that’s just more of what I’m talking about. You cannot just go around speaking like that to adults. You need to respect your elders. Otherwise, you’ll just keep getting in trouble and getting sent to detention. You know these are put on your permanent record.”
“...Fine.” Odda nodded, as though satisfied, and shuffled his papers. The reading glasses perched on the edge of his nose drooped a little and he pushed them back up towards his face.
“I also wanted to talk about your grades this semester.”
“What about them?” Uhtred stated more than inquired, hair falling over his shoulder as he tilted his head to the side. The old man never said anything of interest to him, just that he needed to stay on track if he wanted to be successful in life and that he had to watch his words in his essays. So what. He scanned the rest of the principal’s office nonchalantly, searching for an item to fixate on so he didn’t have to meet Odda’s eyes.
“They were just fine in your freshman year, perfectly average and acceptable for you to graduate, but halfway through your sophomore year they took a turn for the worse. Last year you failed both your English class and your maths class, barely passing your science class with a C-minus.”
“And what about it?” Uhtred repeated, twiddling his thumbs. His eyes alighted upon the globe in the back of the room on top of Odda’s filing cabinet and he exhaled deeply, wondering if he could get it to spin with his breath alone all the way from across the room. It didn’t move and he felt his mood blacken a bit more for no reason whatsoever.
“See here, Uhtred,” Odda said, leaning forward and turning the paper so he could see it, “you’ve got this red letter here. What letter is this?” Uhtred rolled his eyes.
“An F, sir,” he said, turning the honorific into more of a mocking title.
“Yes, I see, and do you know what happens when you fail your core classes, Uhtred?” There was a pointed gleam in Odda’s eye.
“What, sir?”
“It means you fail. You fail the entire year. And when you fail the entire year, do you know what that means, hmm? Let me tell you. You have to retake all of these classes.” Uhtred shot out of his chair, outraged. “I most certainly do not!” he shouted. “I’m not taking these bullshit courses again! I could pass these in my sleep, this is fucked up!”
“Life isn’t always fair, Uhtred,” Odda gave Uhtred another pointed look for his language and Uhtred sat down again, chastised. He sighed. “I know you‘ve had a tough time these past couple years.” Uhtred scoffed and whipped his head to the side.
That was a bit of an understatement, he thought. Uhtred had never known his birth parents. All he had ever known was his adoptive brother Ragnar’s father, who was also named Ragnar. He had grown up alongside Ragnar, Ragnar’s sister Thyra, and Brida, his best friend, and together the four of them were inseparable. Two years ago, Ragnar’s father had died in an accident, leaving Uhtred and his adoptive family to Kjartan, Ragnar’s uncle. Kjartan was neglectful and ignorant; he mostly left them to their own devices since he couldn’t be brought to care enough about them to hurt them. His son Sven was an abusive arseole whenever he visited, though.
“I don’t want your pity. It’s fine.”
“Since I know there are extenuating circumstances involved, I’ll give you an ultimatum,” Odda said. “I’ve asked a boy in your class to tutor you in all four of your core classes. He’s agreed to do it - don’t give me that look - in exchange for community service hours. You don’t have to pay him a dime.” The chair Uhtred was sitting in squeaked as he uncrossed his legs and recrossed them.
“And who am I tutoring with, sir?” Uhtred mocked, thinking his day couldn’t possibly get any worse.
“His name is Alfred Rex, I believe he’s in your class-”
Ohhhhhhhh, fuck that.
“No!” Uhtred yelled, “I am not working with that pain in my arse!” Odda gave him a pointed look over his reading glasses.
“I believe he’s in your class, and you should be grateful that he’s agreed to do this for so little. He’s the brightest student in the school. Surely you won’t be able to fail any of your classes with his help.” Taking a sip of his coffee, Odda leaned back in his chair, looking satisfied. Uhtred was glad one of them was.
“You must have missed the part where I said he was a pain in my arse,” Uhtred seethed, fingers itching to strangle the principal - and maybe a particular student - to death, “We absolutely hate each other! This will be a fucking disaster! He doesn’t want to teach me shit, he just wants to lord over me like he always has!”
“Now I am just disappointed in you. Alfred wants to help, truly he does! And he’s all you’ve got right now, so you’ll just have to suck it up and deal with it, won’t you?”
“How much time do I have to spend with him anyways?” he spat. Odda met his eyes over his reading glasses and pursed his lips.
“You’ll be tutoring with him four days a week. One day for language arts, one day for maths, one day for science, and one day for history. At the end of the week he’ll give you a report of your progress. Really, you should count yourself lucky that he’s taking so much time out of his busy schedule to tutor you.”
I have to spend four days out of every week with him?!
“That’s not going to work, no way, I can’t spend four days out of every week with him. Give me anybody else and I swear to whatever god you worship that I’ll do it. Not him.”
“Uhtred, I already told you,” Odda’s voice grew firm, “You can take it or leave it. You’re not getting tutoring from anyone but Alfred. This is the last straw.”
“Whatever,” Uhtred hissed, “I’m leaving, and I’m not getting any tutoring if it’s from him! Alfred can screw his perfect self as many times as he likes, see where that gets him.”
“Uhtred! Wait!” Odda called after him. Shutting the door to Odda’s office, Uhtred pulled a cigarette out of his backpack and lit it, ignoring the multiple shouts of his name that followed the trail of smoke he left down the hall.
Uhtred slammed the door to his car shut, seething as he aggressively turned the ignition key and cranked the volume on the radio up high. He plugged his phone into the charger cord and hit call on the pre-existing groupchat he had with his best friends, Finan Agil, Sihtric Elflaedsson - his name was actually Kjartanson, but he legally changed it a few years ago when he moved in with his mom - and Osferth Heahengel. “Hey,” Uhtred said as the line clicked and they all greeted him. Gym class with Coach Leofric had just ended, so they were still in the locker room changing their clothes.
“The hell was that all about earlier?” Finan asked on the other side of the line. “You get sent to the office again? What’d he tell you?” The others voiced similar questions.
“You want to know what he told me? I’m fucking failing my classes. I have to get a tutor. I have to see him four times a week. That’s bullshit!” Uhtred ranted. “I’m going to have to repeat a year if I can’t bring my grades up. This is by far the worst fucking shit that has happened to me, ever.” Feeling his temper worsen, Uhtred made a right turn far more violently than he normally did and grunted as the tires squealed.
“What the hell?!” Sihtric yelled on the other end of the line. “You have to get tutoring?! That sucks!” Uhtred nodded his agreement even though they couldn’t see him.
“Do you know who your tutor is?” asked Osferth. “Maybe you won’t actually mind them. I mean if they said yes, they can’t be that bad, can they?” Uhtred gave a mocking laugh.
“Oh, dear Osferth, why don’t you just go on and ask me who it is?” The line went silent for a moment as all the friends considered how bad the news was going to be, and then Osferth spoke again.
“Uh...who is it?”
“Oh, only Alfred fucking Rex, the hugest prick in our grade.” 
“You’re fucking kidding me!” “You have to tutor with Alfred?!” “But you two hate each other’s guts!” They all exclaimed simultaneously.
That fucking bastard, Uhtred thought, I know he’s just doing this to get one over me. He’s always bossing me around and acting like he owns the entire school. I fucking hate pricks like him.
“That’s just the worst,” Sihtric said sympathetically. The sound of a door opening on the other side of the line roused Uhtred from his bitter thoughts. They must have finished changing and were now heading to their next classes.
“I know, but Odda doesn’t even care,” Uhtred spat, “He says this is all I get! I can’t believe his audacity! You and I both know that Alfred wants to boss me around and that’s that!”
“I don’t know, Uhtred, maybe give him a chance,” Finan said doubtfully, “At least you’ve got a tutor, and Alfred’s the smartest kid in the school. You’ve got an advantage here.”
“Well, whatever, I’m home now so I’ll talk to you guys later,” Uhtred said, pulling the phone away from his ear.
“Wait, you went home?!” Osferth exclaimed. 
“Uhtred, you’re going to get caught. That’ll just be another detention for you. Maybe you should come back.” Uhtred turned the key in his car’s ignition and slid it into his pocket, ignoring Finan’s words.
“Right now, I couldn’t care less about detentions,” Uhtred said. “See you guys later.” Finan protested with a “wait, you bastard—!!”, but Sihtric and Osferth bid him goodbye and he hit the end call button with little remorse before shutting his car door and making his way to the front door.
“I’m home,” Uhtred called out as he shut the door behind him. A chorus of ‘hey’s greeted him and Uhtred left his bag on a chair before walking into the living room. Ragnar - Uhtred’s adoptive older brother - and his childhood-friend-turned-girlfriend Brida were cuddling together on the couch. Some movie Uhtred didn’t recognize was paused on the screen. “Uhtred, what are you doing home so early?” Ragnar frowned at him as he sat up and pushed the blanket off his legs. Uhtred exhaled deeply and plopped on the couch like a deadweight, causing Brida to shove him with her foot.
“Didn’t feel like staying at school,” he muttered. “Left after gym class.” Brida sat up at that and she exchanged a glance with Ragnar, looking concerned.
“Hey, well,” Ragnar began, “Speaking of school, I have something I need to talk to you about.” Uhtred frowned.
Gee, how could this day possibly get any worse? I can’t wait.
“The principal called us a couple days ago and told us that...you’re failing this year, Uhtred,” Ragnar said seriously. Brida nodded alongside him.
“He said you’re going to have to repeat a year if you can’t hack it,” she added. “So Ragnar talked to him and the principal arranged for you to get tutoring with—“
“—With Alfred,” Uhtred interrupted, balling his fists, “Yeah, I already fucking heard.” Ragnar’s eyes widened.
“Oh, fuck,” he said.
“Yeah, oh fuck! I can’t believe you! Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I could have said no sooner!” Ragnar shrugged and laid back against the couch, crossing his arms behind his head. “I forgot,” he said honestly, smirking.
“Are you kidding me?! You know how much I hate Alfred! Why are you laughing at this?!”
“I’m not,” he said, “Don’t know what you mean.”
“Ragnar, please, tell me there is another option besides getting tutoring from Alfred of all people,” Uhtred begged.
“Sorry, Uhtred, but there’s no negotiation on this one. You need to get out of this house and away from Kjartan. You can’t do that if you fail your last year of high school. You need to go to college and, well, your principal gave you a stellar opportunity. Besides, you guys have never really spent any time together outside of class. Maybe you could find some common ground and we can finally be free of your constant complaining.” Uhtred dug his nails into his palms.
“How,” he growled, “Could this possibly be a good thing? Stop acting like my dad, Ragnar, you’re only a year older than me. I thought you were on my side about him.”
“Is that what this is about, Uhtred? That you don’t need help?” Ragnar rounded his eyes pleadingly. “Come on, Uhtred, do it for your future. Not because I think you’re going to be some great brilliant fucking Einstein, but you need to get out of here. Don’t be like this. You’re doing it whether you like it or not. I will call Alfred and have him come to our house for tutoring. You can do this on your terms or on ours.” Uhtred growled and reached for his phone, standing up from the couch to head upstairs.
“Give him a chance,” Ragnar said again. “One chance.”
“Fine,” he hissed, “But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I’m going to hate every fucking minute of this and you’re going to feel extremely guilty whenever you think about it!”
“Where do you think you’re going?! Your first session is at three,” Ragnar called after him. Uhtred just yelled in response and slammed his door shut, the little bells on his door handle jingling.
As he lay on his bed in his room, the door locked, Uhtred took the time to reflect about the day’s events so far.
Alfred Rex...he’s a total fucking prick.
Uhtred had met Alfred in his freshman year of high school. Alfred had gone to a different elementary and middle school than he had, but Winchester High was the only high school in the area. They’d immediately gotten off on the wrong foot and had been bitter enemies ever since. Uhtred thought Alfred was an officious, sickly, annoying pain in his arse and Alfred thought he was a stupid child that needed to be told what to do. Hate at first sight, truly.
Uhtred sighed. His sister Aethelflaed was so much nicer. She was a freshman, so he’d only met her this year, but he had no idea how the two of them were related. Aethelflaed was a social butterfly and tried to include everyone in everything she did, while Alfred was just a complete arseole. Dammit, why was he stuck with him?!
Growling, Uhtred threw his phone at the wall.
3:02 pm. He was past the point of no return. Pushing open the library doors reluctantly, Uhtred poked his head in, scanning the area. A couple of students he recognized were perusing the library’s faculties. Aldhelm Sawyer - an extremely tall brunet who had a bag of wet dicks for a personality - lounged on one of the couches with a science textbook propped on his lap, one leg crossed over the other. A pretty ginger girl whose name he thought was Eadith sat at a table by one of the windows across from a guy with dark hair; Eardwulf was his name, if Uhtred remembered correctly. Aethelflaed, Alfred’s younger sister, was using one of the computers. When he walked in, she turned around and smiled at him and he felt his heart flutter a bit. Something about her had that effect on people. On the other side of the room in the tutoring section, Odda - the principal’s little shit of a son - was giving a freshman tutoring session at one of the whiteboards. Alfred was nowhere in sight so Uhtred headed towards one of the open tables and plopped into a chair, checking his phone.
“You shouldn’t be on your phone if you’re here to learn,” a voice behind him said. Uhtred whipped around, hissing.
“What do you want,” he bit out, before thinking better of it when he recognized the owner of the voice as his tutor, Alfred. Alfred was...how did Uhtred describe him? He was tiny and slender, shorter than Uhtred by about half a foot. The first time they met, Uhtred mistook him for a twelve-year-old, even though they’d both been fourteen. His wispy brown hair fell just below his ears and he had a pair of bright blue eyes that were so intense they always made Uhtred feel uncomfortable, framed by a pair of silver wire lens glasses. In essence, he looked like a nerd, which was another reason why Uhtred hated him. Nerds were annoying.
Uhtred scoffed and pocketed his phone, leering up at Alfred balefully. “Whatever you say, Lord. I’m here for your blessings and guidance, so let’s get this started, shall we?” Alfred sat down and the two of them unpacked their belongings in silence.
“We’re going over English today, as per Odda’s suggestion, so why don’t you show me where you’re at?” Alfred asked, putting his chin in his palm.
“Yeah, go on, teach me stuff...English. I bet you’re fucking great at it.” Uhtred crossed one leg over the other and leaned back in his chair until the front legs were off the ground, hoping to provoke a reaction. He was disappointed; Alfred merely ignored his blatantly disrespectful behavior, instead ducking his head to flip through his English textbook.
“Feel free to disrespect me,” he murmured, “But rest assured that Principal Odda will hear about it, and my reports are extremely thorough. I don’t care what you say to me, but just know that it will reflect badly on you.”
Oh my gods, I fucking hate this guy so much!
“Yes, my Lord, I live only to serve you,” Uhtred snarked, clenching and unclenching his fists under the table. Leaning over, Uhtred pulled his folder out of his backpack and slid a paper out. “We’re reading Of Mice And Men. You might think that’s a bit below your skill set, but here you are.” Alfred snatched the paper from his hand, rolling his eyes.
“Don’t be facetious, Uhtred. Just shut up and let me read this. That’s what I’m here for, as you said.” Never having been one to follow orders, Uhtred opened his mouth to snark again, but Alfred snapped his fingers to grab his attention and glared at him.
“I said shut up. I’m reading,” he repeated, his eyes moving back and forth like the spool of a typewriter. After a couple of minutes, he set the paper flat on the table and bit his lip, looking a bit uncertain of what to do.
“Well, Lord? Does it meet your lofty expectations?” 
“Can you not?” Alfred asked sharply, “And no, I’m sorry to say, it does not. What were you even trying to write? The subject of your analysis seems to jump to and fro. And while you are summarizing the story in your analysis, that’s all you’re doing. Summarizing. You’re not explaining why it’s important or what it means. Here, let me show you mine…”
“‘Bye, nerd,” Uhtred sneered, standing up and slinging his backpack over his shoulder. Alfred stood a bit more slowly, organizing all of his supplies into a neat pile before picking them all up and sliding them into his bookbag. 
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” Alfred inquired, not appearing bothered by the epithet apart from his clenched jaw. Good. “Make sure you incorporate what I told you today into your essay. I don’t want you to get a poor grade. And do keep in mind that I am reporting all of this to Principal Odda.”
Sure, whatever, Assfred! Feel free to slit your throat when you get home today! “...Yeah,” Uhtred said, before standing up and leaving without a word of thanks. Aethelflaed waved at him on his way out and he grinned back at her as he opened the doors.
“Welcome home, Uhtred,” Thyra greeted Uhtred as he stomped inside. The smell of spaghetti assaulted his senses and all of a sudden he felt much calmer than he had been a moment ago. “How was your first tutoring session?”
“Yeah, how was it?” Ragnar called from the living room, where he and Brida were cuddling yet again. The same movie as yesterday was paused on the TV and Uhtred had a feeling they hadn’t actually watched any of it and were just using it as an excuse to cuddle. A bowl of popcorn soaked in butter lay on Brida’s lap and the table was littered with empty beer cans, another in Ragnar’s hand.
“It fucking sucked. Alfred is even more of a bastard than I remember. Feel free to regret your decision completely,” Uhtred sniffed. Ragnar grimaced sympathetically.
“Is he seriously that bad?” he asked, snorting. “All I know about him is from your complaining.”
“He’s a fucking midget, but he tries to talk to me like he’s better than me! I fucking hate that, you know I do!” Uhtred threw his hands up. “He treats me like a stupid child and what’s more, he’s telling Odda everything that happens! Like some kind of probation officer! ‘Don’t disrespect me, Uhtred,’ ‘don’t use your phone when you’re supposed to be learning, Uhtred,’ ‘don’t breathe oxygen, Uhtred!’ He’s so annoying!”
“Sounds like a cunt,” Brida said.
“He is!!”
“Well, I’m sorry Uhtred, but if you want to pass your classes, your best bet is tutoring with him. You’re going to have to suck it up. Maybe you two just got off on the wrong foot,” he suggested, playing peacemaker.
“Not true,” Uhtred declared, “He just sucks at being a person.” He kicked Brida’s feet off the table so he could prop his own up and stole a popcorn kernel from her bowl. She flipped him off. “I’m just going to try to pass my classes this year and as soon as I do I’ll be totally done with him forever. Damn, that’ll be a good time.” Ragnar lifted his beer can in a toast.
“To the cunt who’s helping you pass your classes,” he said, and they echoed his toast as he downed his beer can and tossed it on the table.
“Ragnar, throw that empty beer can in the trash right now, you pig!” Thyra shouted from the kitchen. Ragnar shrugged and lazily kicked it onto the floor. “Ragnar!!” Giving Uhtred a ‘what-can-you-do’ expression, he stood up from the couch with a loud, obnoxious groan, plucking the beer can from the floor before lumbering to the kitchen.
“Hey, is dinner ready yet—”
“No! And stop asking, you animal, it’ll be ready when I say it is.”
“Geez, old woman, I was only asking, don’t hit me!”
Uhtred sat back against the couch and lifted the remote, clicking it until the TV changed to an acceptable channel. As the TV faded into background noise, he lifted his head to the ceiling and thought about what had happened that day.
Well, overall today sucked. I’m failing my classes and I’m getting tutored by Alfred, who’s a privileged arseole and also a complete tool. This whole year is going to be absolute bullshit with him around.
One chance, my arse. This year can’t end soon enough.
Art posts: @lauwrite1225‘s sketches of the high school!Coccham squad, @seaberrycloudberry‘s sketches of high school!Uhtred and Alfred, and @seaberrycloudberry‘s sketches of the characters in high school + sketches of Alfred, Aethelflaed, and Edward!!! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH. THEY’RE PERFECT. Tagging @bellamehblake, @lonelyislanddaydreamer, @caleb-16charisma-widogast, @ucancallmechlo, @cocchamscrew, @myenglandmylove, @nightskyfangirl, @morganology, @tsukkinami @pokeasleepingsmaug here it is you guys!! I finally posted something!!!
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edwardslostalchemy · 4 years
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the thing that kills me about bakugou is when the plf go "having a powerful quirk means i'm better than you"and basically advocate for eugenics, it's horrible and corrupt, but when bakugou does it, it's lol funny and 'oh that gremlin.' in a recent chapter he made fun of the past OFA holders for having 'weak' quirks and dying and he said these things in front of Toshi, who has himself given so much. just...what was the point of him knowing about OFA if he was just going to be a disrespectful ass?
I have no idea why it was necessary for him to know, tbh. I think it was a waste of an opportunity to give him growth by NOT telling him. And honestly, I agree that k*tsuki and the plf have similar ideals because they’re elitists. :/ They think they’re better than others. Unironically, the lov wanting k*tsuki on their side would have been like, them all sharing this same thought. Idk, I just don’t like him. The things he says and does are played off as comedic relief now and it’s honestly so annoying. He needs to be brought down from his pedestal. 
(I have multiple messages so I am putting them all in one post under a read more, I hope it works, but if somehow it doesn’t, I’m really sorry. My computer says it works, but mobile doesn’t show it. This will be a long post.)
Anonymous said:
You know... I wouldn’t mind Bakugou winning vs Ochako so much if his blast had simply redirected enough rubble for him to make it though the pelting, and the fight had ended with an actual visible inflicted injury on his part, like a cut on his face, that stuck around for the rest of the tournament. Make the close call have more concrete, visible consequences for him then his arms aching a bit.
I agree with this completely. That thing about his arms aching doesn’t show much of the consequences at all. And he gets over it rather quickly. I hate that he has so much plot armor.
Anonymous said:
Ngl i dont ship Todo/deku (dont really ship Izuku with anyone lol) but its such a nice ship like?? People can ship what they want but why ship Baku/deku when Tododeku is RIGHT THERE. I would rather have todo/deku be the twin stars like.. Todoroki having to overcome his fathers legacy and be a better hero then his father ever could be while Izuku perpetuates all mights legacy and carries the legacy of One For All?? Poetic cinema
+ I SENT AN ASK ABOUT PREFERRING TODO/DEKU TO BAKU/DEKU AND I WANTED TO ADD SOMETHING SKSKS. we could totally have an "its your power" moment. Izuku getting Todo to accept his left side and Todo getting Izuku to remember that OFA is his power now.
Todo/deku is really the poetic cinema we need and deserve. Idk why people like b*kud*ku, that’s what they prefer, but the ship itself is not healthy in the slightest and I find it pretty disturbing. I agree with you, nony. Everything you said is correct.
Anonymous said:
If I'm gonna be honest the whole "he was raised in a household of screaming and abuse" isn't a good enough reason as to why Bakugo has no chill. Like we've seen people like Todoroki raised in a household much worst but he didn't come out as a jerk or bully. I'd like to see more of Bakugo's interactions with his parents but for the most part the dad seems like a pushover and his mom is just loud at times. But no where close to Endeavor. So yeah Bakugo shut up challenge
Yeah, idk how their dynamic works, it’s just mitsuki screaming at k*tsuki while his dad tries to intervene, but doesn’t do a good job about it. I don’t like that she smacked his head. But I think people really stretch it to give him a tragic backstory when in reality, he doesn’t have one. He is a spoiled brat. Shouto has proven how to be a better person. He’s just a better character in general.
Anonymous said:
This might be long but I want to get something off my chest and I love your blog so I used to like bk//dk. If you asked me why. It's because I was enamored by the fanon ver of this pair with a better bkg and the whole appeal of childhood 'friends'/reconciliation trope it had going on and some fans have convinced me that their relationship wasn't as bad as it's portrayed before UA and that bkg was only like that because of society and thinking Izuku was "looking down" at him. 1/3
Thinking about it. it's really stupid and the verge of victim blaming but anyways. What stopped me from liking it and instead hating the pair is that after dk vs kc 2 I was expecting the improvement in their relationship, for a moment I thought we got it. But in reality it's just bc we haven't seen them interact much after the overhaul arc and before the joint training arc.Then the joint arc came and the 2nd internship arc came and whoo boy, I feel like I was cheated on. 2/3
Rather than making bkg's behavior improve towards Izuku, He's still as much of an asshole who belittles him, mocks him ,acts like he can't stand him but less threats of killing him combined with Izuku who just takes it because he's a nice person. But the narrative acts like their good friends now and I have been feeling so frustrated with this, I wanted a mutual relationship with mutual respect on both sides and bk//dk hasn't reached that part and it shouldn't take this long for it to be. 3/3
Thank you for sharing this with me, nony!! I appreciate it. It’s really sad that their relationship hasn’t improved at all. It’s so long overdue and now things are played as comedic relief like him hurting Izuku with his spike and also being extremely disrespectful during the ofa meetings. Their relationship isn’t healthy and it isn’t friendly, no matter how canon wants to paint it that way.
Anonymous said:
the only reason bkg gets to know OFA is because he guilted Izu into telling him a half truth in S1 then guilted AM and Izu with his tantrum in S3 He also had the privilege to know Izu since childhood and saw AFO so he had the advantage Izuku would have never told him otherwise. Same time Izuku's friends don't "deserve" to know about OFA, rather, Izuku deciding to tell them himself will make the revelation to them more special since its Izu deciding to tell a piece of himself than being forced to
HOT TAKE
@havocsss said:
i just wanted to say i appreciate your opinion on bnha about bakugo (bc someone finally said it 👀) and you put into words for me how i feel abt that character - and that's partly why i just can't watch it. he's the bully that everyone idolises and gets let away with murder and naaaah mate that's not how it works
Thank you, I’m glad to hear it. I don’t like that he, a literal bully who has suicide baited Izuku and has hurt him with his explosion quirk, is the fandom’s favorite and the most popular character. Literally any other character would have been better to stan than him. He’s everywhere and I can’t enjoy part of the series because of him always being there. It’s so annoying. I will continue to yell about why he is not a good character until horikoshi gives us the development he desperately needs AND an apology to Izuku for being so abusive to him. And yes, bullying is abuse.
Anonymous said:
I know that feeling. I also greatly dislike Bakugou. He almost ruins the manga for me at times. I can't even think of a plot with Izuku where Hori won't try to include him in some way. I tried reading metas abt him, tried to look at him in a different light but I realised that I really hate his personality, combined with his overhyped popularity just makes me can't stand him. I wish I could even just be neutral for him but that's being a challenge.
Yeah, he’s not a good character. Very infuriating and annoying. We do not stan him in this house.
Anonymous said:
I feel like if Aizawa actually knew that Bakugou used to bully Izuku he'd probably whoop Bakugou's ass
OOF I’d like to see him expel him.
Anonymous said:
I like how it's framed like I'm supposed to feel sorry for Bakugou because he feels manpain for not being the strongest in the class. Like the dude went from a regular school to the best of the best and he still expected to be the strongest person there is with no challenge?
Awww, is the spoiled brat sad? Good. He can die mad about it.
Anonymous said:
If Aizawa did the combat training instead of All Might he would've stopped Bakugou the first time he used his gauntlets and automatically failed him and I really wish that would've been the outcome
Tbh he should have been expelled for trying to kill a classmate.
Anonymous said:
Oh yeah I remember that character entrance when he just basically I insults his partner for training. Look I love the kid but if I was a teacher I would've flamed him so hard like there could've been a hostage, that weapon could have went off, his partner could've been captured. That's how you ended up failing the license exam
OOF. When will he learn.
Anonymous said:
Um excuse the ever living fuck out of me but I just saw a fic that was bakugou/consequences where Izuku attempted suicide and you know what the ship was?? My pure green son who deserves the world and his literal bully/abuser are you SHITTING ME???? I try very hard not to hate ships I do really try but I just CAN'T with this ship it disgusts me
It's not a healthy ship. I am disturbed by this fic and I don’t even know what it’s called and I don’t want to know. Eww.
Anonymous said:
I see myself as Izuku cause I relate to him a lot and I just read something where Bakugou does what my abuser did to me to Izuku and now I'm having a very hard time stomaching the thought of him and like I really loved kiri/baku too but now I can't even think about it cause someone who shipped my notp thought it would be a good idea to make Bakugou an abuser and give Izuku Stockholm syndrome ☹
Oh nony…I’m so sorry to hear about that. That really sounds rough and I hope you’re feeling better. That sounds awful. I’m just…I’m appalled. Also giving Izuku Stockholm syndrome with this ship is just. Wow.
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Snapetober 2020 - Day 5: Sick/Fever
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This was inspired by my main Snape x OFC Severitus fic, but you don’t need to read it to understand it or enjoy it ;)
Warnings: Snape throws up? Idk if that can bother someone. I don’t really describe it in depth or anything XD
Length: 2053 words.
THE PERKS OF BEING CURSED
During Potions class, Professor Snape normally walked from desk to desk, sneered at some so-called dunderheads for being incapable of following the instructions in the blackboard, and generally made sure as few accidents as possible occurred, especially when Neville Longbottom and Seamus Finnigan were involved. He had started off the Erumpent Potion class that way. Fifteen minutes later, he had begun to lean on the desks and walk too slowly. By mid-class, he had given up altogether and sat at his desk, pretending to correct essays even if his quill kept slipping through his trembling fingers. Draco had been stealing glances at his teacher through it all.
“Make sure Crabbe and Goyle don’t spoil the potion,” Draco whispered to Blaise, getting off his stool.
“Where are you going?” wondered Pansy, the one in charge of noting down all the changes the unfinished potion underwent.
“To the loo.”
Both Blaise and Pansy eyed him suspiciously but still gave him a nod. Without wasting time, Draco approached his professor.
“Sir?”
This close, Draco noticed two things. First, Snape’s forehead, usually knitted into a scowl, was now glinting with sweat. Second, Snape’s face was pallid, more so than usual.
“The instructions are clear, Mr. Malfoy. Read them carefully before interrupting me,” he advised, keeping his black eyes on the parchment with barely legible handwriting.
“I’m sorry, Sir. It isn’t about the potion. I need to go to the toilet. It’s an emergency.”
There was a brief pause in which Draco held his breath.
“You may go. Do be quick, Mr. Malfoy.”
“Yes, Sir. Thank you.”
Draco walked along the corridors, went past the boys’ toilets, climbed up the stairs, and reached the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. The desks formed a U-shape inside of which the first-year students produced jets of red sparks from their wands, some more successful than others. As soon as he spotted Professor Skyrah, closely observing her students and taking notes to later grade their performance, Draco called her. That caught the attention not only of his teacher but also of a few students, now staring at him.
“I’m sorry to interrupt. Professor Snape’s got a message for you. A private one.”
Immediately, she beckoned Draco to approach her desk and cast a muffliato charm.
“Nobody can hear us now,” she assured him. “You may speak.”
“Did Professor Snape meet with the Dark Lord last night? He was crucioed, wasn’t he?”
With squinting eyes, she inquired, “Why are you asking?”
“Did he drink some potion against the cruciatus curse after-effects?” Her lips remained pursed. “I’ve been observing Professor Snape in class. He looks… dizzy. He can’t stand, is sweating, slightly shaking. I’m not a healer, but my father’s gone through that once or twice after drinking that potion. I’d say they’re side-effects.”
“Severus only had a bit of a headache this morning.”
“With all due respect, Professor, I didn’t risk lying to my Head of House just for his wife to think I’m making this up.”
“You lied to my husband?”
“I asked for permission to go to the toilet, but I came here instead.”
“You never go to the toilet mid-lesson… He must be truly sick if he didn’t catch that you were up to something.” She closed her eyes, took a big breath and smiled – it wasn’t the reaction Draco had expected from her. Everything fell into place when she drew circles with her wand and pronounced, “Expecto Patronum!”
The same crow he had met during his first Defence class with her flapped its wings in front of them. The students who had taken notice of Draco earlier were now gasping in awe. Draco couldn’t help but admire the crow with bitter jealousy; what he’d give to invoke a corporeal patronus someday, and maybe prove his aunt Bellatrix wrong and show her Malfoys were also capable of that.
“Argus, it’s Skyrah. Please, come to my classroom. I need you to watch over the students for me. It’s important.”
The crow flew away to deliver the message.
“I should get going, or Professor Snape will realize I’ve lied to him,” said Draco.
“He’ll realize anyway. There’s no other way I could have found out about his… state.”
“...Will you cover me up?”
“Should I?”
“I should receive House points. I may have just avoided a potions accident by telling you. The erumpent potion is quite dangerous.”
She smirked at his cheekiness. “Must I forget that you lied to your Potions teacher?”
“What was I supposed to do? Tell him that he looks like a ghost?”
“That wouldn’t have ended well,” she agreed, grinning lopsidedly. “Why didn’t you go to Poppy?”
He shrugged. “I have no idea if Madam Pomfrey knows anything about the cruciatus curse treatment. I figured that you, on the other hand…”
“Would have some experience,” she finished for him, not confirming it nor denying it.
With a swish of her wand, the muffliato charm was removed. She targeted a silver service bell on the teacher’s desk and pressed it with an uttered sonorus. The ringing noise was loud enough to command the attention of the entire class.
“Training time is over. I’m afraid my presence is required elsewhere,” she informed, standing up. A bunch of students made sounds of protest which became louder when they caught sight of the inseparable duo of Filch and Mrs. Norris. Skyrah gave the caretaker a thankful nod and addressed the students once again. “Next day we will discuss how to defend ourselves against gytrashes. For us to succeed, we first need to understand how the dark creature acts. Therefore, you ought to start reading on them right now, chapter five, and write down questions in case you have them. Argus will supervise the class. If you don't behave yourselves, I’ll know, and you won’t like the consequences.”
She shot a meaningful glance to the quartet of troublemakers of the class and left the classroom, Draco close behind her. He had to match his strides to her quick pace and fight the urge to roll his eyes at the portraits’ whines. Apparently, the click-clacking of her shoes had disrupted the sleep of those that were too lazy to do something other than napping. It was the same sound that alerted Draco’s classmates. When they saw it was Professor Skyrah, accompanied by Draco, whispers filled the potions classroom. Severus didn’t react until Skyrah and Draco were standing right in front of his desk. Even then, he raised his head slowly, grimacing.
“Mr. Malfoy, I see your supposedly short trip to the toilet has become an expedition of sorts. Ten points from Sl–”
“If you deduct points, I’ll give them back.” She paused to cast the muffliato charm again and have a private conversation, even if they were the center of attention. “You look horrible.”
“You’re the very definition of ‘flatterer’.”
“It isn’t the time to be sarcastic, Severus. You can’t teach in this state, much less a highly explosive potion. It is a matter of safety. Draco did well by telling me you’re sick.”
“I’ve kept the class safe. There haven’t been any incidents.”
“Pure luck.”
Sick as he felt, it didn’t escape his notice how Draco bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing.
“Did you come to scold me in front of our students?” asked Severus.
She gave him a mischievous smile and turned to face the class after canceling the effects of the muffliato charm. 
“Class dismissed.”
“But we’ve almost fi–”
She cut Pansy off, “I won’t repeat it.”
Pansy and a few students – including Hermione – pouted and sighed. The majority were happy to tidy up and go, though. Draco was part of the latter group and left as soon as Skyrah thanked him. In contrast, Harry locked eyes with Skyrah, concerned, but did as the rest of his classmates after receiving a reassuring nod. The Snapes didn’t doubt that they’d be getting a visit from him after classes.
“I don’t think you have a fever,” she said, putting her hand on Severus’s forehead. He responded by leaning into her hand. Now that no students remained in the classroom, a moment of weakness was permitted, or so he told himself. “Draco mentioned you can't stand. I’ll levitate you and bring you to the Hospital Wing, all right?”
“Don’t. My stomach… I can’t handle it.”
She slithered her palm from his forehead to his cheek. The caresses were as gentle as her voice when she said, “Why did you tell me you only had a headache this morning?”
“I didn’t feel so unwell.”
“Yet when that changed, you continued with the class.”
“Interrupting it wasn’t wise. The ingredients are expensive. Now the money plus the potions the students were brewing have gone to waste. Albus won’t be pleased.”
“You’re right. He won’t be pleased to know you prioritize money over your health. You can resume the lesson another day, Severus. Lean on me now. I’ll take you to our chambers; they’re closer than the Hospital Wing.”
Along the way, he grunted and almost fell when he tried to prove he was fine enough to walk on his own. The only reason he didn’t was that he had miraculously grabbed the arm of one of the suits of armor that decorated the corridors. Thank Merlin no students were nearby... nor Minerva. His reputation as the bat of the dungeons would have suffered. Finally, she whispered the password and the door opened for them. 
“Hang on, Severus. I’ll help you get into bed.”
“No. Not yet. I think I’m going to vomit.”
She would have kissed his temple if it weren’t for the urgency in his tone.  Even if clumsily, they made it to the bathroom. She helped him kneel by the toilet and rubbed his back soothingly, holding his hair for him until his stomach was empty.
“I’m sorry,” he said, breathing harshly and refusing to look at her.
“For what?”
“This has been excruciatingly embarrassing and disgusting.”
“You’ve done this for me countless times, Severus. It’s okay for the roles to be reversed now and then.” By his tense shoulders, he was thinking about the miscarriage. So was she, for her voice had shaken and her hand had drifted to the place they used to feel their unborn daughter. “Can you brush your teeth?”
“Yes.”
“All right. I’ll send Poppy a message. She shouldn’t take long.”
“There’s nothing she can do. I’ve been through this before. It’ll go away after getting some sleep. The potion must have reacted poorly to my breakfast, that’s all.”
“Are you sure?” she asked worriedly, her wand ready to invoke her patronus once more.
“Absolutely.”
“All right… Do you need anything?”
“Some water, perhaps.”
So while he brushed his teeth, she summoned a glass from their kitchen and filled it with a simple aguamenti. Severus drank its water and left the glass by the sink. 
Soon, he was under the silky bedsheets, surrounded by the pillows she had adjusted for him after contacting the headmaster via the school floo network to explain the situation and advise him to seek a substitute for the upcoming lessons.
“How are you feeling?” she wondered, running her hands through his bare chest. She was lying by his side, with her head on his shoulder.
“Not fine yet, but better.” Skyrah nuzzled her head into him and hooked her leg around him. “You shouldn’t get comfortable. You’ve got a class to teach.”
“I’ve got a stubborn husband to take care of.”
“I don’t need you to take care of me.”
“Too bad. I won’t move until you start snoring.”
He groaned, exasperated, though his grip on her became just a tiny bit firmer. Skyrah missed his feeble grin, too busy playing with his chest hair and kissing his scarred skin.
“I may not need you to take care of me, but I don’t dislike it.”
“I know, my snarky Potions Master,” she said, chuckling softly. If he went as far as confessing that, it could only mean he was so exhausted he could no longer control what went past his lips. “Rest now.”
He complied, thinking he owed Draco. Vomiting in front of his students would have been a fate worse than cuddling with his wife. That was a fact.
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A/N: I probably wouldn’t have been able to post this on time if it had been betaed, so I apologize for any possible mistakes you may have encountered. I did my best.
If you liked it, you can read the main fic here: AO3, FFN. 
Have a nice day, y’all! And thanks for taking the time to read this little fic :) If you’re feeling sick, remember to take care of yourself <3
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lablass-2882 · 4 years
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How the Akuma Class handles Social Distancing. Part 2 of idk...
Part 2 is up and ready to roll.  I’m thinking of continuing this AU but in a very disjointed way. I kinda want to talk about different families and plot points that occur during the pandemic.  I probably won’t write a complete fic about this but I will post a bunch of plot bunnies that occur during the story.  Either way; enjoy my rambles. 
Juleka/Luka: Worried to the max but doing alright. Juleka was extremely worried about Rose even before she got sick. Luka tried to help his sister through his music but positive vibes and melodies along go so far.  In the beginning, their mother was against the mandate, but as the number of cases grew, she slowly came to her senses.  Juleka and Luka had the houseboat covered.  They set up a quarantined zone to place shoes and dirty laundry.  Luka made a schedule for dishes, wash, and food. Juleka made sure to stoke up on medicine for just in case.  Emergency contacts were made and a list of possible exposure sites was written down for worse case scenarios.  When Rose ended up sick, Juleka was furious. Rose is her light thought this mess and Lila got her sick during one of her stunts.  If Luka hadn’t been there to calm her down, there would have been an incident.  Ounce Rose is sick Juleka spends hours with her on the phone, sharing pictures, trading stories and I love you.  Meanwhile, Luka’s protective big brother senses go into overdrive. He becomes whirlwind of productivity.  Even Marinette is impressed with how much work he gets done.  The houseboat is spotless, the laundry is folded, Juleka is tucked into bed and his mother receives a stern talking to from her son. By the end of the mandate, a lot of people have a newfound respect for the teenager.
Chloe: She’s trying okay.  Chloe was nervous about this virus well before her class was.  Despite her looks and attitude, Chloe does pay attention to politics, the news and other facets of government.  She’ll never admit to it but she was helping her father with perpetration well before the stay-at-home mandate was declared.  She even talked her father into parts of the mandate as “securing future votes”.  She was relieved when the schools went to home school as it allowed her to slack off a little, but Sabrina put a stop to that very quickly. Stating that she needed good grades to be a future politician. Sabrina is a lot of fire behind Chloe.  When she told Chloe about Marinette’s fundraiser, Sabrina knew what the result would be.  Despite the jealously, Chloe does want to truly help Pairs.  She managers to talk both Marinette and Adrien into helping with her fundraiser for the local food bank.  She’s even guest-starred on a few of Marinette’s sewing streams as a fashion model (from the safety of their own homes of course.) and like Adrien, she has visited some of the harder-hit areas. She even made a new friend while visiting one of the hospitals.  The bossy but dutifully head nurse. Chloe liked her Moxy.  
Sabrina: Is helping where she can, mostly with Chloe but it counts.  Like Chloe, Sabrina knew in advance what was happening around the world and how it would affect Pair.  Her father even drilled her on pandemic plans before the outbreak.  She also made sure to keep Chloe up to date on current events. When school shut down, Sabrina was worried but confident that Pair had a plan.  She had issues with Chloe and her school work, but that child’s play to her real plan. Her new goal is to help her father in any way possible. Local food bank low on supplies? One call Chloe that name drops Marinette’s furnished and boom money raised.  Hospitals overrun with rude patients? A text Alya and her lady-blog fixed that right away. People in need of positive messages? Luka and Kitty- Selection are more than excited about doing a zoom concert.  You got a problem; Sabrina's got a plan to help.  Maybe Chloe’s confidence is rubbing off on her.  
Nathaniel and Marc: They are both doing fine.  The stay at home mandate is like a god sent to an artist.  Nat starts a vlog with Marc over their comic and art. They also chip in to help Marinette with her website.  Nat post daily art projects and even some how to draw videos; while Marc posts a lot of uplifting poetry and sayings.  They are both worried sick about Rose and send her hand made cards through-out the whole thing.  When Chloe asks them to help with her fundraiser, they were cautious, but Marinette reassured them that she is trying.  They end up selling some custom artwork and other commission items, along with design the website it was hosted on.  Chloe is thankful that they trusted her.
Max: He’s fine. Worried about school but fine.  He has plenty of video games, podcasts, and coding to catch up on. He still helps out with the classes endeavors and internally he’s worried about his grades and the effect this mandate will have on the school year. His parents later suggest that he starts a tutoring site to help his classmates out.  It becomes a big success. By the end of the pandemic, Max’s tutor site is listed among the best tutor sites in Paris.  His classmates even get in on it.  Max does a lot of the math and science portions; Alix helps with history; Ivan, Mylene, and Luka teach music, and the art club does fun drawing videos. Max is upset about missing the latter half of the school year but happy he could do his part.
Kim: Is doing horribly.  The boy can’t go outside let alone run around.  Staying inside is doing a number on the poor boy.  Kim’s parents are rather strict about screen time, so video games are a touchy subject.  Max tries to help with homework, but Kim still struggles.  After a late-night call with Max’s parents, Kim’s parents try a different approach. They thankfully have enough room to set up a small basketball court in the basement. The goal is to let Kim release his pent-up energy before trying school work.  They also try more mediation and board games to promote relaxing family time.  It slowly working.
Alix: Is hating every second of the mandate.  She stuck at home with her dad and older brother.  The number of augments within the first week alone could rival the Cesaire family easily.  Max’s tutor site helps out a bit.  It gives Alix and her father something to talk about, but it’s still a minefield with her brother.  Alix tries to relax with some sport-videos and joins her class in the different fundraisers but the isolation still takes its toll. Mylene suggests the mediation that Marinette posted and they help a bit.  Although it’s a daily fight over who surviving this pandemic better. It's not helped by her older brother being her older brother and his half-assed attempts at teenage slang.  
Ivan: He sleeps a lot, reads a lot and plays music a lot. Enough said.  As long as he doesn’t have to do a ton of homework, he’s okay.  He misses his girlfriend sure, but he’s not too worked up over the stay-at-home mandate. As long as he has weekly chats to make sure Mylene he’s doing good. He later helps out with Max’s tutor site, but he’s not putting in more effort then he needs to. Let the boy catch up on his sleep.
Mylene: She is also helping where she can. Mylene is an active child.  One who loves to help and be a part of a group.  Unfortunately, she can’t be a part of a traditional group under the stay-at-home mandate. So, she works with what she as.  She starts posting gardening tips; explains the langue of flowers on charity streams; tries to help Rose out with Lila’s scheme, but that gets veto by her parents rather quickly.  Especially after Rose gets sick. She later joins Marinette and her family’s box-lunch program for the local nurses. Turns out she has a ton of soup recipes and the time to try them all out.
To da! Part 2 is done and part 3 will be up in a few days. I am not a fast typer, so part 3 might take some time.  Second verse is same as the first.  This Au is based off of how America is handling the pandemic, feel free to add in plot bunnies or other interesting idea.  If you want me to tag you in stuff let me know.  
Remember to stay safe, wash your hand,respect people’s wishes, etc.  Enjoy. 
@ mysticsoulgirl
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bekahdoesnerdshit · 4 years
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cog! indifference because I feel like that’s not a very cog thing she tends to feel. also: disgust! enthusiasm! raini: panic! mischief! ............ lust??? for auriga: frustration... excitement... boredom! ayen: anxiety, confusion!
Already answered disgust and enthusiasm for Cog, and mischief for Raini! Great minds, great minds, the group chat shares one braincell, etc. etc. 
Cog
Indifference: I think Cog struggles to process and express a lot of negative emotions, because she’s made such a conscious choice to repress put them out of her mind in pursuit of positivity. But she can get angry! She can get snippy because she’s stressed and hasn’t slept enough! But even then, even though the emotion is negative, at least she’s feeling and doing something. She’s taking a stand! She’s acting in defense of something she believes in! Indifference, though? It’s passive, it’s an inaction, it’s giving up. She has a bleeding heart, she isn’t capable of just turning that off and deciding she doesn’t care. If Cog gets to the point of indifference, it’s because she’s physically and emotionally exhausted. There’s too many morally gray choices she’s being forced to make, and there’s never a “right” answer, and everything she does hurts someone who doesn’t deserve it. Cog’s indifference is head down, shoulders hunched, tired eyes and still, folded hands. It’s pulling back from the conversation around her and letting the rest of the party decide the right course of action instead of weighing in and trying to steer them toward a more morally upstanding decision. She’s tired, and there’s no time to rest, and there’s no objective “good” to push toward. What does it matter what decision they make in the face of that? 
Raini
Panic: Flighty! If I had to pick one word- which I do not because as yesterday’s ask proved I have never in my life heard of “brevity”- panicked Raini is flighty. Whether that just means skittish in the moment, moving quickly from spot to spot as things Spook her, or if that means leaving the situation entirely with a Dimension Door or Teleport, she is not going to stay in one place very long at all. Her movements when she talks get a lot more jerky and abrupt, and she loses most of her intentionally cultivated air of aloofness evaporates. I don’t think it comes to this very often! I think it takes a lot to rattle Raini to the point of panic. But, you know, again. Sometimes you kill the goddess of magic, or whatever. Sometimes you’re staring down the barrel of an attack you know you won’t survive, and you have enough time to whip around to face your party with wide eyes before the blade of a sword that’s nearly as long as you are tall sinks home in your stomach, and you have just a second to panic because. What if this is the end? Are the others going to try to help you? Why would they? They don’t have to! I think, of just about every emotion, panic is the one Raini hates the most. You’re helpless, it means you’ve lost your head, and you’re just grossly out of control of the situation. Pass! Hard fucking pass!!! Lust: You just want to know how she acts when Ecstasy is visiting and that’s Fair but you have to own it.  Raini who’s trying to Get some is honestly like. Essentially unrecognizable. Y’all know that “oh, with the horns!! you’re so funny!” text post? But like, for real. And maybe 40% sarcastic? She’s SO more touchy than she usually is, especially on the bicep or upper thigh if they’re sitting down. Lots of lip biting, lots of stolen glances through eyelashes, and honestly? I think she’s very much the type of person to just circle while she flirts. We’re playing coy a little, but we’re also moving a little closer on each pass, so read into that what you will. Also! It’s definitely a competition to her, in a weird way? Like she’s super pale, so any amount of blushing shows up super clearly, but she will Not acknowledge it because that is losing. Somehow. Even though we all know how the night ends anyway. And while there are no losers when it comes to having sex with someone who is very hot very sensual very sexy, Raini does Not generally get to maintain her pride to the extent she would like to those nights. Is that too much information? Maybe so! But you asked, So! (Also again I Know this is non-verbal BUT such a big part of Raini flirting is banter. What’s the point of spending time on someone who already can’t keep up with you outside the bedroom?)
Auriga
Frustration: I think, in an incredibly ambitious and unprecedented move, I have finally created a character who is a wellspring of patience. He’s an elf, a cleric, a ruler, and a middle child. Technically. He has a fuse, because everybody does, but it’s probably literally about a mile long. But like, as a result? When it’s done, he’s done. He finally gets fed up trying to explain something to someone? Well, that’s it. His expression is still placid and pleasant, because he was Raised Well, but he’s written them off entirely. Too stupid to make understand, to slow to bother with. He’s had too much of a frustrating situation? It’s hopeless. There’s nothing to be done about it. Someone else is going to have to take care of it. He pulls back entirely behind manners and decorum, smiles politely but coldly, and excuses himself from the situation as soon as is respectable. Excitement: Aww this was so sweet to think about. Generally, Auriga is a pretty reserved person! The centuries of High Expectations (and a seven charisma) will do that to you! Can’t put your foot in your mouth if you don’t open it in the first place! But when he’s excited, he lights up. You get a real, not practiced smile, and soft touches on your forearm or shoulder. Still respectable!! But small, fleeting moments of intimacy, urging the other person to be as excited as he is about what is, in fairness, probably some pretty lame shit. I think he’s also very likely to default to drawing pictures to explain whatever he’s talking about so that the other person can see exactly what he means. Someone who engages and asks the right questions can absolutely get him to talk for hours about a given topic, when before that they may have heard barely a handful of words from him. Boredom: I’m making this character choice now and I may come to regret it when we start to actually play but I don’t care: Auriga’s default when he’s bored is to start to doze off. Like, has he had a lot of practice sitting in council meetings for long hours, debating circles around the same topic without making much, if any, progress? Sure! But that’s, bless him, something he finds interesting. Somehow. If it’s something he has absolutely zero interest in though (like, for example, a stuffy, boring play he’s obligated to attend out of professional courtesy? hypothetically) I think he’ll try to focus for a while? Because he was raised right, he has manners. But eventually his chin finds its way to his palm, and his eyes start to droop, and idk if mechanically elves can sleep and just don’t or if he’s just trancing in the middle of a public place (which I guess would be less conspicuous, technically?) but our boy is No Longer Paying Attention. 
Ayen
Anxiety: Anxious Ayen is fidgety. Bounce the leg! Continually summon and dismiss various small hexblade weapons! Open your hand, close it around the handle of a dagger. Open it agin and let the dagger disappear in a puff of smoke, close it again around a weird crooked sickle. Open your hand and let the sickle disappear, close it again around-- And so on, and so forth. I think she gets worked up really easily when she’s anxious, gets kinda jumpy, and is definitely ready to shoot off at a moment’s notice to go do whatever there is to do that will get rid of or distract from her anxiety.  (Also I know the original prompt was ‘non-verbal’ but it’s important to me that you know that she for sure talks to herself when she’s anxious, like. “Okay Ayen, you got this. We have no clue what the Fuck is going on, but we’re gonna pull it together and take it the fuck out. Alright? Alright.”) Confusion: Ayen is that classmate you sit next to in like some fuckoff high level math class, and the professor is talking and you realize you have No idea what they’re talking about? And you look over at Ayen to see if she can clarify anything, and she’s already writing “bro idfk” on the corner of her notes for you to read. If Ayen’s confused she’s gonna default to thinking it’s funny, because like. Can’t look stupid if you’ve decided the stuff you don’t understand is stupid first! So she’ll laugh, and shrug real big, and make a show of not caring what’s going on, because that saves face. That’s dumbshit nerd stuff, she is Way too cool for that.
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castaform · 5 years
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I just wanna say thanks to the @LolaTempest thread,, you can read it here 
I can't agree enough, as both a Suicidal person, and someone who has lost people through suicide. This is going to be long I guess, I appreciate if you do end up reading it all.
I urge you to check out their thread, its highlights tons of good points about Suicide after culture? (Idk what to call it) As someone who deals with these thoughts, and some of my friends might be surprised to hear I still have them, I can't say how much I relate.  Whenever someone dies it feels like its just that thing of the month, everyone reblogs the hotline lists and that and then it just vanishes till the next person dies. I’m not saying its wrong but I hate the feeling of it being almost like a fad. And like Lola Tempest says, half the time it doesnt actually have much impact, its not bad, but as a suicidal person, I avoid telling people already about being suicidal, depressed etc because it makes me feel like 10 Million times worse, and on top of that I feel like I'm burdening everyone by telling them which ads even more stress. And while I know this is not true, I still can't help it. 
No matter how many times people say they love and care about you, it doesn't stay because the brain won't think straight. I'd much rather you make me forget that pain, tell jokes, tell me about your day, something so stupid that it makes me smile inside.
Anything but the talk on suicide because then I roominate and thats the worst thing for me, I really don’t then want someone telling me all the solutions when my brain at the time can’t comprehend the solutions. the worst nights of my life where when I was alone, in a cramped room, with no one to talk too and forced to thing about the ways I’d go.
When one of my closest friends left me due to a suicide attempt, I felt so empty, I hated myself every moment of the day, I got sent home from work for not being focused, I could not stop shaking, I went to the hospital because I  didn't know what to do and I respect their choice because your own health matters too, its your own life I can't control that, but please don't do it at their worst. Im not saying I hate this person, I still value them, they once stayed awake with me for 25 hours to make sure I was okay
Its something I still value. But when they left, they told me I was selfish for wanting to die, and while it might come off as selfish please, please never call a suicidal person selfish. I can tell you now, they think about every person, each of their actions,  what life is like without me and how I have 0 impact on them, or the positives of what happens of when I'm gone.  When I was in school, I'd sit and think about every classmate, how I was so irrelevant regardless of the level of friendship between us.
I used to take "Breaks" Online and offline, and just hold away in the hopes someone, even one person would chase after me and ask me I was okay, I remember when my friends from my maths class came to my house, they didn't know where I lived and idk how they found my address but it meant so much, I cried a lot that day, When my dad died, my mum thought originally he did it to spite her, but she later found notes left in places precious to each of us, in our favourite books, films, hideaways etc and told us about the hopes and dreams he had for each of us when he was gone, and how he knew we'd be something great in the future, he even prebrought flowers to be sent to my mum every month for 2 months on the 16th, the number of their wedding day, to keep her happy.
He thought so much about the people around him, and yet he still made that choice. His choice was wrong because he couldn't think straight, thats what this does to you, so please don't ever call someone selfish for it.
After my friend called me that though that was when I stopped letting people know, I held back more and more out of the fear of losing anyone else, it took me a long time to get over it, but I still don't tell people now, I nearly told my aunt the other day, that I was feel suicidal over my work and how they've been treating me, how the pressure of my family falling apart is making me feel, how my social circle, body image, money issues, gay struggles etc are all making me want to end it And I didn't because in the moment I sat down with her, I changed the subject so fast because I couldn't bring myself to tel her, hurt her, make her cry, and I couldn't bring myself to do that to another person.
please I beg of you if theres a takeaway from the people who have died, who think about it, famous or not, support them, be there for them, send them love and encouragement, in the good and the bad times
Never forget them, please don't let it be a week and treat it like yesterdays news, I may not have know Etika but I'm hoping he's happy up there, the same for my father or any one else who has committed suicide
If something seems off just asks, please don't wait for them to make the first move, approach them, heck even if they arent down, but you've seen them I'd urge you to try become their friend, they might never tell you directly how much you mean, but I bet you mean a lot.
I know I'm not as influential as I once was on tumblr, and thats partly my own choice, as like Etika I felt Social media had a influence on me good and bad, but if you read this go check on someone, make the first move, make sure they're okay, don’t wait for them to come to you! You don’t have to be some therapist or a doctor to see when someone is on the edge, be their friend, remind them of the good through good times, play a game, tell stories, tell a joke, sing them a song, to no matter who it is, Be it brother, mother, friend, classmate, random person on the internet, you never know, you might save their day.
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thenightisland · 6 years
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unsolicited lengthy updates from the ghost that runs this blog
i couldn’t believe i hadn’t done one of these in 2018 since in 2017 so much was happening that i had to like five or six of them so let’s see what we have here
mm - second in command nurse/one of my best friends, the one who’s always cursed with constantly cheating death and people dying on her etc ch - staff nurse/one of my best friends, human version of pink champagne, pregnant rc - the techs’ version of a charge nurse/one of my best friends cb - the thriller novelist who inexplicably works with us, the one who nearly got killed on the unit last year there are others that’ll come up but i guess those are the main players
2017 was awful right up to the end. about an hour into 2018 things started looking much more promising, mostly from a personal life standpoint. which was the least it could do after 2017 ruined my christmas.
few weeks into the year cb finally came back. he’d been out five months. no one understood why he came back when he had so many other career options at his fingertips, and we certainly didn’t understand why he came back to the shift it happened on. and even more so i didn’t understand why he talked to me about writing, when he wouldn’t even admit he was a writer out loud to anyone else and certainly didn’t talk at length about it with anyone. he still wouldn’t talk about it, to anyone else.
rc nearly put himself into DTs at the beginning of the year, despite, you know, working in psych and knowing what that does to a person. which sometimes i wonder if that was his intention, to do lasting damage, bc that shit can kill you. he got through all of that ofc, and had done really well until these last few weeks, more on /why/ later
our hospital has a weird tendency to create odd romantic relationships that i swear are things forged out of a mash unit type of daily trauma. so mm is currently in a will they or won’t they arc - leaning toward will - with a guy who works up there. one of my med nurses who went 7-3 is most definitely with one of my techs which we all knew would happen. ch is engaged to a social worker who worked at our hospital at the time. our director married a tech. a house sup has a kid with a tech. the detox charge nurse met his wife when she was a tech and they both worked our unit. etc. i guess it’s bc we deal with such intense things every day and you literally do save each other’s lives. we always joke hospital relationships are an inevitability. that being said my situations with rc and cb should have been expected and yet here i am, the former esp, as we’ve been the hospital’s most popular pairing for ages.
i spend a lot of my time now breaking behavior cases rather than treating psych pts. behavior cases are people who aren’t psychotic, they’re just violent opportunistic assholes who have figured out how to go to a psych hospital instead of jail. treating psych pts is tiring but rewarding. breaking behavior cases makes you feel almost sociopathic bc you /do/ you have to break them. psychologically, i mean. physically all we really have to work with is a shot and a few hours in seclusion. so you end up doing these hannibal lecter style speeches and trying to come up with threats that sound convincing that you know you can’t follow through on but you have to make them believe you can. they keep taking these “pts” so i spend 90% of my time now breaking those cases so that they don’t keep hurting staff and my real pts. one such behavior case was responsible for rc getting attacked. it really is a matter of 98% mind games and movie villain speeches, since this large violent not at all psychotic “pt” no longer messes with me or any of my people after our discussion about his behavior. 
my nursing friend who died unexpectedly last year. her sister was bipolar, which i found out in nursing school, bc over easter weekend i helped my friend get her through a psychotic manic break. i didn’t remember her and she didn’t remember me considering the circumstances of our one meeting. so this past spring i’m prepping a pt to transfer to another unit, and it isn’t until then that i realize the sister had been on my unit all week. part of her paperwork said “off meds, having difficulty coping with upcoming anniversary of sister’s sudden death.” it was like seeing a ghost.
my friend’s mother died. we all adored her mom. she was an artist and a very accomplished one. we had to watch what became a ten year decline.
one of my high school teachers died after dealing with cancer for two years and while i wasn’t fond of her and didn’t mourn her, a death is still a death
cb was a night shift weekender, primarily. in march, found out why when i was on 11-7 he’d pick up shifts. and why he started picking up 3-11s when i switched to 3-11. and why he came back to the shift he got hurt on. why he came back at all. why he was finally actually /talking/ to someone about his life and background before he gone girled himself, and why that person was me. took mm pointing all of it out to realize i was the common denominator but i was always bad at math. 
i went to an island in south carolina for a few weeks in april and dreaded coming home since the vacation curse is 4/4. but nothing happened. thank god. i doubt i could have handled a fifth round.
my nursing class had another member die unexpectedly this year too. last year this guy was the one to post in our fb group that my friend/our classmate had died. idk if this is a the ring sort of deal, but now he’s dead, so the girl who posted about /his/ death should probably watch out in 2019. we have an awfully high mortality rate for a class that had like 22 people in it. much like the teacher, i wasn’t esp fond of him, but it is a bit creepy to watch a classmate die each year.
sometime in may is when the hospital started going to hell, i think. i have vague memories of regulatory agencies being around all the time and some of the doctors and assessors literally living there, pt rooms on one of the nicer units converted into bedrooms for them because yes it was that bad. one woman didn’t see her son for two weeks. it kept escalating to a point that our unit was constantly having meetings with the ceo bc things were that fucked up. they were taking behavior cases they should never have taken. there were so many employee injuries in 2018, and we all just kind of revolted when one such behavior case decked a med nurse in the face just bc he could [you know, the person with no psych history who had tried to murder his little sister prior to admission] that pt was supposed to be d/c’d to jail in two weeks. we had him almost two months. the unit looked like a tenement from the boarded up broken windows. we fought and fought and fought for unit safety and the staffing required to accomplish that. everyone was so goddamn exhausted that we started holding admission paperwork hostage like no it’ll get done when you give me the staff to fucking do it but two nurses in this nurses station with 80 volatile pts is not enough, and guess what four techs for that many pts isn’t enough either. i mean it was just every day fighting. i remember sitting on my tailgate drinking tequila one night with ch and us in tears bc our home was falling apart. and the day rc just said i don’t know how much longer i can keep doing this, sounded defeated, which he’s never defeated. there was a night me mm rc and cb just stood in the nurses station exhausted and saying we’ve got to get out of here. but we kept coming back, fighting for every last bit of progress we could. 
i’d been texting cb one weekend while he was at work, which was the only reason i had my phone on me which meant i saw the message from mm that said “what would 30mg of klonopin do to me” which was how i ended up with one of my best friends on my couch on a saturday night sobbing bc she had come close enough to killing herself that she had the already half empty bottle of vodka in one hand and the bottle of pills in the other. so i had to crisis suicide intervention my fellow psych nurse friend. so i guess good thing i was talking to cb about neruda and auden poetry bc i hate to think what would have happened that night if i hadn’t bothered to keep my phone on me like i do a lot.
and then about a month and a half ago it all came to a head. the dangerous understaffing reached its peak. four techs for eighty pts, which meant two techs for /47/ male pts, a unit of behavior cases, four or five pts who were on 1:1 obs, three admissions untouched, six more pending, and me alone in the nurses station bc i had to put my one other nurse /and/ the secretary on 1:1s that i didn’t have coverage for. i told them it wasn’t safe. i told them i was sick of having this argument every week. i told them that the last time i had to go to two techs on that male hall the week before that staff got hurt. well, three of my four techs were guys, who were stuck on the floor in a hold with a male pt and barely able to keep him contained like having to actively fight and i had to be out there for paperwork/supervisory purposes. that left my remaining one hall tech trying to contain the rest of the unit, since the others were stuck on 1:1s which effectively trap you. so an opportunist female behavior case came up from behind and started beating me in the head over and over and dragged me across the floor by my hair, got a lot out too i had hair coming out for /days/. so my one hall tech is trying to pry this bitch off of me and the staff on the 1:1s are dragging their respective pts up there to the middle of it so they could help bc my guys were still in a losing battle with the male pt. from there i remember mostly being in a blind rage and at some point admin et al came to the unit. and i know i yelled at them a lot and told them they’d better be glad i wasn’t handing them my keys and leaving. and our sweet grandma house sup told the ceo and nurse exec they could be house sup the rest of the night bc she was taking me to the er. our director had to be me the rest of the night. rc wouldn’t even /speak/ to her apparently. one of the social workers was telling her boss that if i left then she was leaving. everything was in an uproar. my nurse who had been stuck on the 1:1 was in the nurses station /sobbing/. the female tech told our director “i hope you know we’re staying for karen, not you.” cb was freaking out bc i texted him from the er and then was taken back for a ct and so didn’t answer and he had called ch terrified bc i wasn’t answering [i think the whole thing probably brought back bad memories for him, obv]. rc didn’t sleep for several days bc he was blaming himself and i had to keep telling him /the only way any of this could have been prevented was by them staffing us appropriately/ bc that’s the truth but he was still so fucking miserable and told mm “if this makes her quit they aren’t getting a two weeks notice from me i’m walking out with her”. in the wake of all this, the unit has continued in the same fashion of fighting for basic necessities every day, and mm is struggling running it in my absence with her already fragile mental health. everyone is kind of terrified about something happening to ch since she’s pregnant. mm is having full panic attack rage breakdowns at our director. when they had the admin meeting with everyone else who was there when i got attacked admin asked my team “how could y’all have prevented this” at which point all of them started yelling at them, and then admin wanted to know why no one called a code when i got attacked at which point rc straight up just yelled at the ceo /because there was no one to fucking call it/.  the nurse exec, who always liked me and was one of the few admin people with a conscience, quit in the wake of me getting hurt, because of the whole thing. and rc has been drinking himself to sleep off and on. 
so now we’re at this crossroads, mm ch rc and i. unsure whether to stay or go. and if so, where? our job is like a war zone idk how to be a civilian anymore, but the four of us have been talking like this place is killing us if this job was a boy/girlfriend we’d call this abusive and end it. if the four of us leave that guarantees the total collapse of what little of the unit will be left. it’s already struggling just with /me/ out [i’ve been out because of the head injury which those aren’t fun], let alone the four of us who have always kind of held the unit together. 
so what the hell are we supposed to do?
in theory 2018 didn’t feel as stressful as 2017 but on paper??? on paper it still looks pretty terrible???????????????
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spoonass69 · 3 years
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big rant type post/ story thingy:
TW/CW:
abuse mentions, r*pe mentions, kinda just talking about my experience with being a baby activist and learning how authority figures and my white peers act in these kinds of situations
anyways a year after i entered public school in about 6th grade, one of the teachers decided to have her whole class sit in silence, without moving, on the grass for a whole recess because a few kids were too loud in the hallways on their way to recess. so naturally my friends and i talked about how unfair it was and we organized a peaceful protest consisting of me and about 4 other kids. we planned on having signs and informational pamphlets and sitting on the grass.
that day i went home and had my mom help me research how recess was not only beneficial, but necessary for kids. then i wrote up a paper on why collective punishment was unfair and how taking away recess was actually just hurting students and i even gave alternative solutions so they could still like punish kids who were loud in the hallways or something
the next day, i walked into school with my big rainbow cardboard sign saying “recess is a right not a privilege” when i got to breakfast, i saw none of my friends had signs or anything. they told me they didnt think i was serious, despite agreeing the previous day to be a part of this. that was fine though, i can handle this all on my own since i have all the things i need.
i walked up to class once the bell rang, and i put my stuff in my locker for the day. i realized by sign wasnt going to fit, so i put it in the windowsill in the hallway directly outside my classroom to wait until recess, and i went to go sit at my desk and start my bellwork.
about a minute later, my teacher came in and asked me to step out into the hallway with her, ehich was weird since class hadn’t even started yet so why wouldnt she just tell me what she needed to in the classroom.
i stepped out into the hallway and she went into this whole thing about how i had put my sign facing outwards in the window, which also happened to be right next to where some oarents dropped off their kids. she was mad because “other parents are gonna think were not letting you have recess!!” (which was what was happening, pretty regularly actually, this past incident was just the last straw). she continued to yell at me, i dont even really remember all that she said both because it happened so long ago and because at the time i was being abused at home and tended to panic very very hard whenever anyone showed that they were upset with me at all, which lead to me kinda auto deleting the memories. whatever she was saying, her tone was scary and hurtful enough to make me absolutely bawl, in front of the entire 6th grade class that was still entering the classrooms around me. even after i, through a stream of tears and snot, very timidly said i just wanted to stand up for my classmates, she continued to yell at me for a good 5 minutes.
the other 6th grade teacher stood by and watched, let all the other kids watch. i was not a rebellious kid, i did everything in my power to only seem happy and not show vulnerability, i had to do that to survive. i wasnt a troublemaker or anything like that, the teacher actually really liked me before this, i was quiet and always did my work and followed the rules. this was my first offense. it wasnt even an offense, i was simply asking my teachers not to treat my friends and classmates unfairly. and i got screamed at to the point of panic and sobbing, to going completely out of character. and my peers would not say anything. my peers would not stand with me. they would not admit that i was not the sole person that wanted to do this, and of course i wouldnt rat them out. but worst of all, the other adult there, that was supposed to protect me, stood there and watched. silently. knowing the abuse that was going on at home. they both knew. they both knew i only had good intentions. they both knew i would never start anything too rowdy on purpose. neither of them even tried talking to me calmly or asking what was going on. they wouldnt even read the pamphlets i made.
there are some key elements here i want to highlight.
my peers abandoned me, and let me try and make things better for them after agreeing to have my back (i almost never missed recess because i had to follow rules perfectly to survive). they then let me take all the blame and the punishment
the adults who were supposed to care about me and protect me responded with aggression and hostility when i wanted to peacefully ask them to stop harming my friends
the adults who were supposed to care about me and protect me stood by and watched as one of their coworkers screamed at a sobbing child who was already dealing with abuse at home
this was the first situation, that has fit into countless amounts of patterns as ive learned more about oppression and activism.
at worst, the people in power will only respond to peaceful pleas for respect with violence. at best they will sot by and watch as others perpetrate that violence for them.
there are a lot of people, specifically other white people in my experience, who will ask you for support, loyalty, help or anything when dealing with things such as homophobia from peers or just general bullying but then when you are in a situation where you need them to put themselves at risk to help you and support you in a meaningful way, they completely turn on you.
this last one i feel like can get misinterpreted so im gonna give this example
a friend wanted me to support them and have their back when one of our mutual friends was bullying them, i said of course and made sure my friend did not feel any guilt after cutting the mutual friend out of their life and i also cut them out of mine. when pointed out to that same friend how one of their friends was being disrespectful towards me after i called them out for being supportive of police during the blm protests, and i told them i wasn’t comfortable being friends with someone who was friends with people who disrespected me they told me i was trying to control who they were friends with and i was being unreasonable, and then promptly went and made fun of me
i give my friends support and try to work with them to make pur environment safer and happier for everyone, but when we’re put in a tough spot, i get thrown under the bus because im usually the only one who wholeheartedly wants to do something, who wants to put the effort into caring for my friends and keeping them safe
ive seen this specifically happening all over my area, i dont know if this goes for other places in the US, but it feels like i am pretty relatively alone, im seeing everyone from my old school or from nearby schools calling themselves activists, saying the support these movements, saying they agree with all these ideas, but only follow through if its not only convenient, but if it will make them look good to a significant amount of people and if the action is basically spoon fed to them.
im not sure if i really have a message or a point to this but i felt like this information does have some kind of message in it somewhere that i just can quite articulate yet.
i guess just generally, if youre seeing these things happen too and youre also feeling alone and frustrated, dont give in to people who wont put their social standing at risk to stand up for you, if youre noticing these patterns and sticking up for your friends or peers in general despite the risks then you deserve people who will put in the same effort to care about you.
also i know some people cant put in the effort, i did have a lot of people reach out to me when i was very publicly calling people in my area out for standing by while their peers were racist/antisemetic. they told me that some people cant stand up for others due to anxiety or idk the risk of losing all their friends would be bad for their mental health. but yk i have a severe anxiety disorder and cptsd, and i did lose all 15 of my friends and my boyfriend in one day in freshman year of highschool after i told them i couldnt hang out with them if they were gonna hang out with trumpies. then for a week they all messaged me separately telling me i was a crazy bitch. then for 6 months told everyone new i tried to make friends with or date that i was a crazy bitch (but far more convincingly) even though i blocked them all, didnt mention them, did my best not to think about them, and even changed my routes to all my classes so i couldnt pass any of them in the hallways. but even after the trauma that caused me, it was the only right and reasonable thing to do. no matter how badly i was doing, it would not compare to the damage me being friends with them and enabling their behavior could do to someone in the future, because enabling those people is how we end up with men who rape and murder women. and even if all that wasnt the most important aspect of this, staying friends with those people would have messed me up astronomically worse than cutting them off did.
(just to make it super clear tho, im not expecting people of the marginalized communities to put their safety at risk to stand up to their own opressors, i am expecting mostly white kids to put their idk social status and comfort asside and stand up to your friends or other people in general when theyre harming others)
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minhonirique · 5 years
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Fjdkskslsk I'm from England and it's sadly the only language I speak right now so it's all in English lmao but most of my writing ngl leans towards being nsfw so that's on a blog I don't talk about here lmao but I have some other things that can be shared too! And I'm happy to share my art as well! I don't draw often but I do usually post them when I do uwu and how old are you, if you don't mind me asking? Also! As a girl at 178cm I say shorter boys are the best thing in the whole world -staynon
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I'm..........15 years old lol i sometimes feel like a baby among the other STAYs bc the ones i follow are all adults and everything lmao but yeah i'm 15, nice to meet you grandma xD erm anyway i wish i could think like that (that me being short is fine and all) but idk i feel really insecure about it (actually insecure about a lot of things about me why am i like this ugh) but like i know i shouldnt bc just look at Changbin and Jisung!! They're shorter than me but still look like gods-- honestly i look up to them and the others likE i wanna and hope to be like them despite everything i hate about myself- that's kind of sad put this way uuuuh anyWAY
That's really cool!! I think psychology is actually neat! Dont worry about nerding out :')) im not sure i understood everything very well but i get your point-- and woah, maths, my nemesis,,,, lol im in fact pretty good at maths but it's not my fav class along with the other scientific classes- so i respect you for doing/liking these classes- ughdjeg anyway i could vent about school all day and then break down about it bUt i'm not going to i already worry too much when i only go back to school in 20 days but i still feel stressed out about all the things i'll have to do or say in order to feel comfortable with my classmates hahahahzvrvtjfj an ywa y! I probably dont make sense but yea h-
Coming back on your first ask, you only speak English "for now", does that mean you plan on learning other languages? Just curious- I'm personally learning spanish in school, and well i learn more english on internet than in class bc they only speak about bases that i (hopefully) already have since 6th grade lol that probably doesnt show seeing the way i speak lmaoo--- and i used to want to learn japanese and i've got a little vocabulary of random words but i like understand a short constructed sentence or two at most (and im not even talking about READING japanese.....its hell)! Anyyyway that's funny you dont draw often but always post cause i do like the exact contrary- draw a lot and never post- well i used to but now i just.......yikes they're not good enough to be shown to the world sksksk
You also previously mentioned you played video games, what's your current favourite video game? And fav of all times??
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elcisa-blog · 7 years
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hello hello yall, it’s your gal ronnie with a second muse!! this is my honey eloisa and i have so many ideas for her and i’m so excited to bring her to life since i’ve been dying to play her properly for so long, so PLease feel free to come plot w/ us ok ? OK ! anyway, her full bio can be found here if you feel so inclined, but it’s a bit long, so i’ll have a couple points under the cut summarizing it. also under the cut are some wanted connections ! that’s pretty much it for now, k byE
that’s not EMILY RATAJKOWSKI walking around?? nah, but ELOISA GOMOLKA gets that all the time. SHE’S actually from TORQUAY, ENGLAND, though they live in LA JOLLA now.  you’ve probably heard that 23 year old SERVER of CALIFORNIA PIZZA KITCHEN being referred to as the ZEALOT of this place. you know, i always see them EXPLORING AND TRAVELING or blasting A LITTLE DEATH BY THE NEIGHBOURHOOD on their lunch break..whatever.
alright so my baby was born and raised in torquay, england to a pretty religious, polish family. her father is polish and her mother is english, but their lifestyle and culture at home was very much polish based
also her actual birth name is katarzyna eloisa gomolka, but growing up in england, many people had a hard time pronouncing her first name so her friends & classmates and all that often called her by her middle name instead -- eloisa. so it eventually stuck and she legally changed around her first & middle names. ..  . 
this girl loves loves loves learning languages and studying other cultures and lifestyles , like in school , she was always that girl that took as many foreign language classes as she could. she knows the basics to a bunch of different languages but she’s fluent in english, polish, french, and spanish. 
also shes WILD ok . . . like her own weird brand of wild. she’s so Unexpected .. . its strange. but i love her sm. she’s loud, opinionated, stubborn, unpredictable, SUPER adventurous, you name it. she’s either laughing her ass off with childish excitement or spewing fire From her mouth, knowing NO boundaries . . there’s no in between like . . . shes so random, all over the place and all in your face most of the time im sorry . . . & when she loves u she clingy
anyway she also used to play the violin and horseback ride a lot growing up. her grandpa from her moms side taught her how to ride horses and she loved going to his farm in the english countryside to ride & hear his wise stories and all that. he was like her hero.
however, one day, right before eloisa was about to start her last year of high school  . . . long story short . . . there was an accident and grandpa passed away *cries* .  . . el took his death super hard since they were so close . . which caused her to get less enthusiastic about going to college and she just lost all interest at caring at all tbh, becoming more of a troublemaker at school, so her grades dropped her last year and so did all her aspirations for her future
after high school, instead of enrolling in postsecondary, she just wanted to get away from it all so she decided to trust in her adventurous side and partake in a work abroad program where she would be backpacking across south america, teaching english and helping build up communities. she did that until she was twenty-one. it was a Wild ride
in the midst of the program, while in colombia, she got involved w/ some sketchy dude who was in the drugs and car stealing business  . . . she loved the thrill & she thought she was so in love BUt he was super gross and toxic and ended up betraying her, stealing her money, and leaving her on the side of the road one night on one of his heists. aNYWAY it sucked
she finished the program and then decided to work for the work abroad program’s headquarters, which are situated in california. . . so thats how she got to san diego
eventually her position there terminated but she decided to stay in cali bc its very much her type of vibe SO now shes working at fashion valley & thats where yall come in 
SOME WANTED CONNECTIONS 
OPPOSITES ATTRACT -- cheesy name but i think it’d be cool for her to have a pal who’s kind of the complete or near opposite of her but they kind of work ? ? like honestly this girl can TALK and ramble on for so long about random shit, so i think it’d be an interesting dynamic for her to have someone who just lets her Go Off and they just like to listen to her talk and she just likes having someone to listen to her . . . inspo is from this pic right HERE
EAT THIS --  while in south america, el kind of developed a huge respect and love for cuisine and cooking so now shes kind of obsessed with searching up random, exotic recipes and trying them out. sometimes her cooking backfires and is not the greatest but shes so determined to get things right and just loves Doing it so much that she doesnt care. . . so maybe she can have like a taste testing buddy or someone who likes to cook w her or something idk ? ? shfskd omg HC: she works as a server at ca pizza kitchen but i s2g she prob always tries to sneak in the kitchen and help cook But since shes so all over the place, theyre always like “ EL GTFO OF HeRE !!!!!” 
MOTHER HEN / PAPA BEAR -- this girl needs someone to keep her in line some of the time okay. she doesnt have any family here in cali so she’d love to have someone who takes care of her and makes sure she doesnt go too far ..  like someone she looks up to in a sister/brother/guardian figure type of way ? ? 
ZOOLOGY -- eloisa doesnt have any pets .. .  she can hardly take care of herself like what u think imma let this girl have a dog ? ? NO she can have a pet ROCK ( she does ) . . . but she loves animals so she’d love hAving a pal where she can just come by and play w their pets or smthg like she’ll be the best play mate ever  .. . i just wouldnt trust her to take care of ur animal for a week or smthg lmao
ADVENTURE TIME -- if u ever just want to do something crazy or try something new. . . literally just hit up eloisa . . . so i’d love for her to have friends who just text her up like i’m Not feeling good take me somewhere. . . and SHE WILL . . .or even if they’re not sad and just want to do something exciting . .. hit her up
OOPS :( -- ok So el can be a bit clumsy and random so i think a cool connection with someone would be like maybe one day eloisa broke something of theirs or fucked up their car or dyed their hair wrong or something stupid like that . . . basically eloisa fucked up . . . and ever since then, that person doesnt really trust her anymore and is kind of annoyed with her presence in general . . . BUT eloisa feels so BAD and guilty about it so now she basically tries to do everything in her power to make it up to the other person but they just keep not having it yknow ? ? 
ORANGE CRUSH -- ok ur typical crush plot bc theyre so fluffy and cute. . . but i think maybe a plot where the crush doesnt even have to be super romantic or sexual yknow ? ? like i can definitely see eloisa just being so interested in everything the other person does and just loving being around them and loving everything they do . . . so obsessed w their comportments . . . but it can be in such a fluffy, platonic way like That feeling when u see a rly cute puppy or baby penguin . . . eloisa just wants to hug ur muse and love them But not even sexually yknow ? ? 
TAKE ME WITH YOU -- ok i love this plot sm . . . maybe like a friendship where they both want to see the world together ? ? eloisa is really big on travelling so id love for her to have a friend where they’ve been slowly putting together their dream trip where they see the world together. and their friendship is so heavily based on them sending each other places around the world where they want to go and putting together bucketlists and itineraries for if they ever end up saving money and travelling together ? ? so fun
SCIENCE PROJECT -- there’s not much that scares el and she doesnt get pushed away so easily  . ..  but i think an interesting dynamic could be if there actually was someone who kind of freaks her out yknow?? a relationship where the person actually kind of intimidates her and theres just something about the person that makes eloisa question everything .. . kind of like a science project. shes always studying them carefully, unsure of how to react to what they say . . . they’re just bizarre to her and she wants to know more
POKE ! -- basically someone she loves to annoy and pick on , but not in a hateful way
TEACH ME -- maybe someone who is teaching eloisa a new skill or language or how to do something that they’re good at because eloisa would love that so much .. . she loves trying new things.. . .like honestly anything  ..  . even if she keeps failing
TINDER DATE -- ok so in my head, i feel like eloisa would be that type of person to troll people on tinder and play around with them ..  so maybe your muse got caught up in her trap once and she trolled them on tinder lmao ? ? ? i think thatd be so funny and she just loves laughing about it all the time . .
I DO . . . WAIT, NO, I DON’T ! -- ok So this is inspired by that one episode in friends where rachel and ross get married drunk in vegas once . . . so Like literally that lmao. like that is SO something that would happen to el. like maybe one time, they found themselves in vegas together, they got super drunk, and legit got married that same night super quick ? ? ? and obviously theyre divorced now but i think that’d be a funny dynamic and lil treasure of the past to have in a friendship/relationship
SOME TYPICAL ONES THAT I CANT GET ENOUGH OF -- exes, flings, hook ups, went on a few dates in the past, best friends ( someone to braid her hair and take bubble baths w her <3 ), enemies ( maybe someone who doesnt agree w how she lives her life or her whole vibe bc she can be a bit much sometimes lmao ), etc.
or literally anything else lol
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theclacks · 7 years
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Buffy (Season 4) & Angel (Season 1) Thoughts
Whoo, so watching two seasons at once makes a giant dent in my viewing speed, but it’s kind of awesome. The “new series” rush I had in season two is mostly gone I think, replaced with a steady comfortability, which is good, because whenever a series is short enough that I reach its end/catch up before the rush fades, then I feel incredibly listless.
Anyway. Thoughts below the cut.
Buffy - Season 4
On how it compares to other seasons...
So season 2 is still my all time favorite. I think season 4 is tied with season 3 for me on like-ability. I think season 3 was strongest toward its end and season 4 was strongest towards its middle (hello, Spike pseudo-redemption arc). I think killing Professor Walsh as early as they did was a mistake; she and Buffy had a great antagonistic relationship. The greatness of season 2 was the relationship between the heroes and the villains, especially once Angel turned darkside. My biggest problem with the mayor was that he and Buffy never met until the very end of the season and that’s kind of my same issue here. They traded out an AWESOME antagonist (works for “good” like Buffy, but sees her as a uncontrollable threat! there’s some age/generation issues going on, defined career woman vs unranked youngster! science vs magic and prophecy! they used to hold each other in high esteem but now don’t!)... for, well, Adam. Who was very season one-ish in terms of flat personality and “I SHALL RULE THE WORLD MWAHAHA.”
On Oz leaving + Tara entering...
I read an interview/comment part way through that said Joss’s original plan was to string the Oz/girl!werewolf/Willow drama over the whole season, but then Seth Green nope’d it out of there and thank fucking god. I hated girl!werewolf. I don’t even remember her name and I’m fine with that.
I loved the introduction of Tara. I loved the episode where Oz came back (although I spent the whole episode fearing for his life) and Willow came out to her friends and Tara expecting Willow to leave her and asking if they could still be friends and I WAS CRYING DURING THAT SCENE. I HAVE NO SHAME. I think it was first scene in Buffy I cried at. Willow and Tara’s actresses just knocked it out of the park.
Also, it was weird for me since all I’ve ever heard from people about Willow is that they retcon’ed her sexuality into being a lesbian, and... unless something changes in the future, that’s totally not the case because she’s obviously bisexual. Like mentions loving Oz AND loving Tara in the same episode? And if talking about retconning her into being bisexual, umm... that shit doesn’t need foreshadowing... unless people are talking about something that happens in a later season with Willow saying straight out she doesn’t like men... and you know what? I’ll just see it when I get there.
On Riley...
He’s okay. Like, just, okay. I liked the episode where he told Buffy not to hold back during sparing, she kicked him across the room, and he’s like “it’s okay, i told you not to hold back”, and later she confesses (to Willow?) “.......I held back.”
IDK. I didn’t like the episode where the frat house sucks them into being a kind of sex battery thing... well, I liked the Xander, Willow, Anya, and Spike parts, but yeah.
On Spike...
I think the weirdest character development thing was him hooking up with Harmony. I mean, really? BUT it was awesome seeing Harmony eventually kick him to the curb, so there’s that. I got spoiled for the headchip thing, but I didn’t know it was coming this season, and his conversation with Willow immediately discovering his “impotence” was one of the best things ever. Oh, and “Something Blue” I didn’t know that episode was going to be a thing and it was AWESOME. I also liked how he didn’t immediately turn good and was mostly an annoying hinderance to the main characters; that fit him much better than a straight heel-face turn.
On college vs high school...
It’s weird. I have more nostalgia for college than high school, so I really enjoyed the first few college eps. Like, the way I’ve seen people talk about their love for the high school era of Buffy... I think that was me during this season. (People who used to hang outside the student union delivering flyers for whatever, I MISS YOU.) I did like the episode where they revisited the high school’s ruins. That was a nice touch. And I like Faith a lot better this season, especially when she realizes it’s been months and months since graduation. (Oh, and speaking of the Faith/Buffy bodyswitch episode, their actress did such a good job.)
On Giles...
Nothing too much to report. I do think more than any of the other characters, he’s lost his groove. Hopefully he’ll re-find it in season five.
But enough about Buffy, it’s time to discuss...
Angel - Season 1
General thoughts
OH MY GOD. I think I actually ended up enjoying Angel more than Buffy for these two seasons. I thought it was going to be something I’d slowly have to sit through episode after episode until I grew to like and then LO AND BEHOLD Charisma Carpenter’s name popped up in the credits. And suddenly Angel went from “Angel interacts with random LA strangers I don’t know” in my head to “OH MY GOD CORDELIA IS IN LA BEING BROS WITH ANGEL AND FIGHTING DEMONS AND SHIT.” And it’s been awesome since.
On Doyle and Wesley (and Cordelia)...
I was not expecting them to switch season mains halfway through, and although I’m still sad that Doyle left the show so early, I’m kind of cool with it because it meant Cordelia getting his visions. And honestly, if you’d told me after the first episode of Buffy that Cordelia Chase was eventually going to become bros with Angel in LA and with god-given vision superpowers and a ghost as a roommates, I’d... well, I don’t know what I would’ve thought, but it definitely would’ve spoiled the wild, amazing journey. Of course, Cordelia was already my favorite character about four episodes into watching Buffy, so... yeah.
One of my lesser favorite parts of season three was having Cordelia vanish for a whole bunch of episodes after her breakup with Xander, so seeing her rise like this and be a central character and have AMAZING heart-to-heart conversations with Angel... like, Buffy and Angel have their super love but at this point I feel like Cordelia and Angel are stronger friends? Like they treat each other as brother and sister and it is the best damn thing ever.
Also along that line, the reintroduction of Wesley was great. Probably the best replacement they could’ve gotten for Doyle. It really strengthened the team, especially for the Faith episodes since she was someone they ALL had history with. And since the Cordelia/Wesley UST got resolved in the final season 3 buffy episodes, his friendship with cordelia was awesome too. JUST ALL THE FRIENDSHIPS FOR CORDELIA KTHXBAI.
On LA vs Sunnydale...
If college era of buffy is nostalgic, angel’s LA setting is straight up “THIS IS MY LIFE RIGHT NOW”. I’m past Buffy’s concerns about class schedules and straight in the thick of Cordelia’s concerns about finding a decent apartment for a decent rent, balancing work that pays the bills with the true passions you live for, having to pay bills, be an adult.
And I think Cordelia really is angel’s greatest strength right now because of how much different her life is from all of her classmates’ back in Sunnydale. She’s had to grow up the fastest. Even Xander who’s ostensibly in similar shoes (straight to work/no college) has a kind of flat dotted-ness to him. He picks up random weekly jobs, he stays in his parents’ basement, he feels the world moving on without him because it is. Contrast that with Cordelia, moves to LA, gets a rad (albeit possessed apt), gets a job with Angel’s firm (basically starts Angel’s firm), gains Doyle’s visions, making her an even more integral part of the team... Their respective paths over the course of the same year couldn’t have been more different.
On “I Will Remember You”...
Holy damn that was an awesome episode. I knew it wasn’t going to last because Angel being a vampire is, like, his whole thing. I was like Buffy going “let’s wait before diving into all this” but then they crumbled and then they were in bed eating ice cream together and it was THE CUTEST THING EVER. And then even after Angel decided to turn back, I was like “that’s okay because at least they’ll have their memories and then it was suddenly all NO. NO. NOOOOO. THIS IS NOT OKAY, ANGEL NO. BUFFY MY BB, NOOOOOOOO.” The juxtaposition between Buffy in tears, clinging to him, and then 180 degrees, being back in his office completely tense and cold was traumatically beautiful and well-done.
And a part of me really eventually wants her to remember down the line, but I have no idea whether or not that would ever happen.
On Faith...
So. I’ve decided that my favorite part of Faith is when she completely breaks down into self-loathing. It happened when she was in Buffy’s body and then again when she was squaring off against Angel in the rain. She sold it so well, that I’m cool with her again.
On evil!Angel...
Evil!Angel is my favorite, the humor that just drips out of him while he’s killing everything. And I love that there are hints of it even when Angel’s “sober” so to speak. And while I never want him to turn fully evil again (season 2 played that the best way it ever could), I do like the way the writers are able to tease it back. First with the buffy season three episode where he faked it, and then again in this season of angel where it was kind of drugged out of him. And once again, I’m super happy that Cordelia and Wesley are his buddies because they can recognize that history of his in an instant (granted, Cordelia more than Wesley).
On Gunn and Lesley and Wolfram and Hart...
So Buffy/Angel crossovers excluded, my favorite episode of the season by far was when Angel and Lesley joined forces to infiltrate Wolfram and Hart and they also pulled in Gunn for good measure. Maybe it’s because I’m a sucker for heist episodes, but I think (I hope) that episode marked a turning point. Like “this is the world of angel. these are angel’s allies and these are his foes and this is way it comes together.” I’m looking forward to more with all them.
On Kate...
I have conflicted thoughts about Kate. I like her as a character. She’s been used somewhat inconsistently re: episode and screentime-wise, and still very distant from the main characters. I hope she’s used more in season two.
On LA’s demon sub-culture...
The thing I’ll end with is that I love how angel introduces us to a whole bunch of other demon, both good and evil and somewhere in between. With the exception of Willie’s bar, buffy doesn’t have that? Like I feel half the demons from LA could wander into Sunnydale and Buffy would start beating them up before they could talk. Or like if they put one toe out of line, she’d try to kill them.
Take for example the episode with Doyle’s ex-wife. Her fiance tried to eat Doyle’s brains, but the ending to that wasn’t “kill the fiance” it was just “that’s not okay, demon, and you broke my trust by trying to do it and if that’s a requirement for us to get married, then the engagement’s off.” And lo and behold, they broke off the engagement and thus ended the episode. No killings. And I don’t know, there’s just something ridiculously refreshing about that.
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deathbybi3 · 6 years
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Aight Tumblr, I’ve resurrected.
 I’m mainly gonna post here again because... I need motivation. I need to push myself even further. I know I can do better.
WARNING: In this post, I may give off an extremely self-centered, narcissistic vibe. Also, the latter half of the post is pretty depressing and personal. If you hate such people, just unfollow me. Because I’m going to post a lot of stuff like this on my IB blog. If you’re OK with it though, just click to read more.
Also, if you’re an IB Year 2 or alumni who’s gone through similar things, please contact me. I need your advice for my next year. Please. 
Junior year did not end the way I would have liked it to. Let’s just say that I’ve been through a lot; crappy Chem grades, SciOly has had its own share of struggles, I’m on the academic dishonesty list because someone decided to manipulate a stupid mistake I did and to top it all off... the most popular (now graduate) IB senior hates me, as well as practically the entire junior (now senior) class. Which, to make it worse, is like, 7 people discluding me. 
Y’know what? I’m gonna look back on the goals I posted and see how the chips fell.
I’m aiming to get 50 points for my IB Diploma. But K, it’s absolutely impossible to get 50 points on the IB Diploma! you may point out. And, well, you’re right. I’ve always lived by a motto that was first instilled in me when I learned a basic form in karate. In a form called Stone Stance, one of the stances was a guard stance where we’d yell, “Ayah! GIve 110% percent!” Keeping that for long-term, I decided to translate that literally into my IB score. 110% of 45 is 49.5, which I’ve rounded up to 50. So, yep! I want to get 50 points on my diploma. (If you haven’t figured it out already, I’m aiming for a perfect 45! Ssshhh!)
Well, there goes that. The IB Math (SL) exam went harder than I anticipated, and I’d be happy to get a 6. And I’m in Timezone 1!!! Timezone 2 had an even harder exam! Honestly, it makes me feel even more stupid. Also, our class IAs were AWFUL, according to my teacher. A lot of us did it the day before the due date so the quality was pretty shitty, myself included. I ended up with a 13/20. Which was the highest score in the class. If that’s not concerning... idk what is. Praying for moderation to raise our scores by at least 2 points... please.
In English, my IOP was... ok. I don’t think anyone understood it, but... I hope I passed. My Written Assignment/Assessment (idk and idc what the hell it’s called) went better, although I turned it in 20 minutes late. But hey she only deducted 10 points off my “completion” score, so I still got an A. And I don’t think it sucked. My EE has a LOT of work left to be completed, which I hope to finish in the five or so weeks I have left of summer break. (Fuck, it’s already July. And by the way, sorry I’m cussing.)
I want to break to Speech and Debate States. Last year (sophomore year) was my novice year in competitive speech and debate. I did very well on my first debate tournament and was immediately bumped to the varsity level. However… the same could not be said about speech (which I forced myself to be varsity in), and any tournaments thereafter. Eesh, especially the state qualifiers. Those were the absolute worst for me. I got 5s in nearly all my Oratory speeches and was in the very bottom bracket for LD debate. My goal this year is to actually break to a final round in a league tournament, because I know I can do it, and I was just a terrible speaker the year before. I want to break to States, even if it takes me to senior year. TBH, though, as an introvert with little true friends, a former terrible communicator, and someone almost diagnosed with autism, I feel like I’ve come a long way already in the sense of communication.
TL;DR: It didn’t happen. I had SciOly regionals on debate state quals, and I got bottom tier in speech quals. Pretty disheartening, since it looks as though I didn’t improve though I practiced my ass off those speeches. I’m writing my speeches for this year over the summer to hopefully get a headstart on my fellow competitors. I remember one day a really competitive teammate of mine wanted to break to States so bad. I said that you know what, it isn’t the end of the world if you didn’t. She retaliated at me by saying that she wanted to break and that I had no motivation. Look, she’s a nice sophomore and all, and we were pretty good acquaintances, but at that moment I wanted to punch her in the face and yell, “You wanna go, you wanna go??? No motivation my ass!!! How dare you say that to me!!!” (Aaaaaand that’s probably why I was Sorted into the house of Slytherin.)
I really wanna be captain next year, but it isn’t gonna happen. I had a bunch of ideas to implement for the team to make it better, and I really wanted to connect with everyone a bit more. And be respected by people. But those motives are probably not enough. At least, I don’t think so. There’s just too many (now) seniors that are more qualified than me - more years on the team, better records, more extroverted... let’s try to forget the last part. Either way, I still can manage hopefully more than one event. And I need to lead SciOly, and this year I’m going to make it an impact I leave on my school. >:) I have one more year to break to Speech and Debate states though, and I REALLY, REALLY want to do it. I believe in myself. I can do it; I have the passion.
I want to get admitted into Stanford (or at least a selective college/university). 😲, big dream, I know. To increase my chances, I want to get super involved in things I 😍 this year and do well in them, as well as get top scores on my SAT/ACT tests. I feel like the place I’ll lack is extracurriculars, since I haven’t done anything extraordinary yet (like being president of a big club or going to a state/national tournament). I believe I am capable of high test scores and good grades in IB. I hope I don’t get any more Bs though. So far, I have 3 Bs… which is kinda bad. My goal this year isn’t to do things for college or uni, but to show colleges and uni how passionate I am, and to make them fall for me. 🆗, romantic analogy, I know.
L. M. A. O. Let me just say: With Bs in sciences for both terms? Honey, it ain’t gonna happen. Let’s just say I’m applying with very fewer hopes of getting in. R.I.P to me.
Okay, with THAT out of the way, here comes the incident that shakes me to this day.
The Plagiarism Incident
It actually starts around October. There are eleven people in my IB Biology HL class. Obviously, I won’t mention names, but I will say that practically everyone except for the three(ish) people I knew would stick with me beginning to end hated me afterward. I’m talking, snapping back at me, turning heads away from me, acting superior to me hating me. 
We were all doing this ventilation lab. Basically, we use a spirometer to calculate our breath rate and take our heart rate. I don’t remember exactly what I did, but I typed up a lab report to be submitted to the IB as one of our required labs. At that point, we were all still kinda neutral to one another, and no one hated another. I got messages from most of my classmates asking me how I organized my report. And here’s the stupid part: I shared it with them via Google Docs. Thankfully, this incident did not result in plagiarism. But a different one... did. 
We were doing another lab in the spring requiring another write-up, the biofuel lab. Each group was doing a different lab, so it’s weird that the plagiarism happened here. There was this guy in my lab group. He was my lab partner in Honors Chem and was with me for most of my high school career, so I knew him well. He always asked me questions - the stupid kind - and would do anything, even cheat, for more points. He was just thirsty. It was at the time I was making my new lab report that I did an even stupider thing.
I made a copy of my ventilation lab GDoc, sharing it with everyone else. Liking to click all the boxes regardless of direction, I decided to fucking click that box, which shared it with everyone. 
I was hella surprised (but shouldn’t have been, in hindsight) when I received 100% plagiarism for my lab report. 
Hyperventilating, I quickly sent an email to my Bio teacher on what had happened. That set the trap I had set for myself in motion. My Bio teacher asked the IB coordinator, who asked the school admin, and pretty soon it was a schoolwide issue. The guy I mentioned earlier got punished because I accused him of turning in my report (mind you, he had been kicked out of a math class for cheating earlier in the year. Not a pretty sight to see, especially considering my math teacher chewed him out) and he spread the rumor that everyone was getting on the academic dishonesty list by looking at my report. He even talked about it in front of me to the rest of my History class (which was again 7 people, the DP candidates) and when I politely asked if they could stop talking, a girl rudely told me that they “were having a conversation.” (Well, I never got along well with her anyway in terms of personality.) As a result, I was practically isolated from the rest of the DP candidates for the rest of the year - except for one guy, who had been isolated from the group since day 1. He’s pretty chill. That was also around the time my depression set in, and I was in a craze with MBTI, personality disorders, and had a strong inferiority complex. Long story short, I met with the IB coordinator, who said that I would be on academic dishonesty for collusion. Which I acknowledged. But guess why I was 100% plagiarized?
You fucking guessed it. A completely UNRELATED person turned in my report. By ACCIDENT. If I hadn’t emailed my Bio teacher at 1 AM that night, none of this would’ve ever happened - at least, happened the way it did.
NOW (the girls) have formed a clique, intentionally discluding me. And I have to be with them another year. Too late to switch to APs, and colleges will wonder why the hell I dropped a commitment halfway through. I honestly want to drop out of IB right now, though. My experience has made my life so terrible, and it’s not even because of the actual curriculum. To make matters worse, I’m on the list. It’s no big deal, my coordinator said. Um, stop trying to lessen the pain of the wound. It is a big deal. I might as well be ineligible for any leadership positions next year. Captain, president, manager? Forget it.
That’s all for this post. My summer isn’t particularly splendid either. I think I’ve burnt myself out. If you’re from my school and reading this, take whatever I say the way you like. I can’t control you. 
Any advice from a Year 2 or an alum would be greatly appreciated!!!
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