#i think thats the saddest thing ever . like i feel bad for u . the whole because i havent felt joy or love or havent created joy or

[misspickman]

mossy could you provide a ranking of Timothy costumes

i mean i CAN but why would you ask me this. yes i will

1. red robin

1.5 this is a joke but i do think the artist for batman blackest night making a little mistake with the rr suit and giving it the underwear over pants thing is fun. its a classic

2. unternet suit bc its a cute homage to nightwing.. i do miss the cowl. britta said this suit cant be real bc it makes tim look too cool for who he is and i agree. sick tho. i think we should bring the insane halberd/morning star/(?) back

3. one year later/kon mourning suit

4. his original robin one :) this feels too low but its hard to rank.. i think its a perfect costume for tim at that point in his life i wouldnt change a thing

4.5 winter fit

5. mr sarcastic ok people use this as an example of tim having a bad sense of fashion or whatever and thats missing the point bc the point is this was a bit. and its a great bit. he killed it. rule number one u have Got to commit to the bit. i dont know what the fuck is going on here but its funny as hell

6. the current robin suit. its whatever to me like its very similar to the original one i guess they tried to upgrade it a little bit. as a costume on its own its fine its nice but i cannot divorce it from the fact that they made tim robin again so i do always go :/ when i see it. you are never going to be her (original robin suit)

7. that red robin suit from rebirth thats just the robin suit with two Rs on it? what is that. thats just sad. on one hand i appreciate that he wasnt just straight up robin but like design wise thats the saddest attempt i have ever seen 0 effort whatsoever

8. drake costume. i just think the brown color is ugly and they shouldve let him keep the cape. i do think the whole concept of tim going by drake is kinda goofy but i dont have as much hate for it as i know most people do.. the execution was simply not good tho

9. arkham knight tim.. i feel like people mostly hate this bc of the buzzcut and his build but its like. whatever. i dont like tim with a hood thats a damian thing and feels off

10. the n52 costume? i just dont like it its too busy and ugly and i dont care about that man who is he

11. whatever the fuck was happening in gotham knights

#this is hard to rank bc i feel like i enjoy unternet/og/oyl suits the same amount its just. it depends on the times u know #3 and 4 should maybe be switched but idk man im similarly fond of them #i have complicated* thoughts on the unternet suit and i dont feel like getting into it in this post #but i do enjoy it #also lonnie is there. i associate it with lonnie which certainly helps #im sure there are other suits ive missed but i think this is already more than u wanted when u asked this #thank u tb<3 for giving me an excuse to talk<3 #txt

[hhjs]

people will act like creators of romantic content of any kind are somehow inferior to brooding dark shit and suchlike (you get the gist) . and i think thats kind of pathetic

#people like that think in a very self involved fashion #i think thats the saddest thing ever . like i feel bad for u . the whole because i havent felt joy or love or havent created joy or #love inside of me not just for the world but for myself i will try to project my lame fucking wannabe cynic-energy out into the world and #make it everyone's problem 🤪 #thats like being like every milk-drinker is evil af just bc ur lactose intolerant #get over yourself you big child #p

[haeroniel-doliet]

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now)  and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it. 

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now. 

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it.  i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so  i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess. 

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have  a ballet company idk. 

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could  be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love  a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents  and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim. 

#ballet an hobbies and thoughts and lots of things. #honestly noneed to read

[lonelywinters]

u never even regretted it.

why, why do i still hold onto something i once loved. why do i let it hurt me and why do i act like it’s okay what you’re doing and that you aren’t hurting me with all the lies and words you say. three months you lied to me, three months where you spat in my face telling me not to believe the white noise people were saying and i started to believe you, i started to think that you wouldn’t do that and come back acting like nothing happened but it did. I’m the fool once again, i should have walked away when i had the chance. I was getting better, i really was. But here I am again, looking for anything to feel something other than this piercing pain radiating through my body whilst my brain buzzes and blocks any sense of pleasure in life. So I continue watching over you to see any slight regret or change but it never surfaces. You told me you were pissed at me but where’s my virtue? where’s my apology, where’s the regret? the fact is you loved it, you grew attached to her whilst I sat back and let you have your fun but I never knew you would do that. I never thought you would just forget about us not even two weeks after we ended. How many more times am I going to let you hurt me before I decide it’s enough. Why isn’t it enough this time? Why do I keep letting you inside me, why do you force your way into my life preventing me to move on? You come back acting like nothing happened because it didn’t work out between the two of you because she called it off. She figured out how much of a mess you are and she doesn’t want to stick around. You go around leaving your print on people, but you left the biggest dint in me. You’re embarrassed for people to know we’re seeing each other. Your using me as a safety blanket because you know I’d do anything for you, and I do. I give you everything I have, I am suffering and you never even ask me how I’m doing. You don’t know how often I sit staring blankly out my window or how often I drive myself to the beach to sit on the sand and contemplate not coming home. It happens more than you know but you’re so selfish that you don’t see how much me taking on everything is slowly killing me. I haven’t eaten properly in days. Everything is building up so heavily inside me and my bones are starting to stick out, I faint sometimes. but of course you wouldn’t know that. I constantly shake because I have such low blood sugar levels that it’s going into shock. My body is trying to come to terms with the grief I can’t escape. I don’t understand why you can’t tell me what you want, you didn’t even notice how bad everything got when I was smoking with you the other day. You just told me I was being weird, but truth is I was in danger. I’m not over reacting and that’s the first thing you will think but I sat in the front seat of my car, picturing a train that came straight towards me and didn’t stop. Every inch of my brain wanted me to leave this world and wrap myself around a tree because the truth is, I’m getting so bad that I don’t even know how to fucking understand my head anymore and I can’t tell what’s real and I feel like the whole world is out to get me. Every fucking person I ever cared about is moving on with their lives and most of them are happy and I’m stuck in my bed most days. I can’t talk to anyone anymore, I’ve shut everyone out. My best friend calls and calls but I just turn my phone off. People asks to see me, but I tell them I am busy because I’m so buried in my own head that I never feel like I’m truly there with them. No one notices how I’m spiralling out of the person they all knew. Fuck I don’t even know who I am either. Did you even regret it? Did you ever have an oh fuck moment? Well, I know you didn’t. How many times was it really? You said it was only once but you were so obsessed for so long and I thought the songs you listened to could have been about me, the posts about being in love with a memory, the ones about seeing ‘her’ hurt, the ones about you not wanting to feel pain because that’s all you could feel from her. Each post I analysed, each song I looked into every possible lyric because I had hope, I had a belief that it was me.. “mighta said i loved that girl, mighta fucked that girl” ironic isn’t it? whilst I make playlists about missing you and loving you and not knowing how to go on without you, here you are missing some other girl and the pleasure she gave you while fucking me behind her back. It must feel great, knowing that you can get whatever you want and you avoid the consequences? fuck why on earth did I think that you were listening to certain songs about me? When you were thinking about her, you ruined so much for me. I can’t listen to certain songs because I believed you were singing them about me but once again I was so so so fucking wrong. You do nothing but lie through your teeth and blame me for your actions, bringing back that i kissed other people and thats so much worse than you fucking someone. It’s such a great feeling that I really meant nothing to you, that I was just some boring little fling you kept around until she was available. And that’s just it right? You wanted to be like everyone else, wanted to fuck the goods to show your friends you could get it and well, you may have even fell for her too but boy you lost something so important too. You can’t stand the thought of being with me but at the same time you don’t want to let anyone else have me because you’ll know they’ll treat me better and I’ll forget about you and I’ll give them the love that I thought you deserved and no one will care like I do. You broke me, you broke my trust and found a love somewhere else. You love the attention and when you no longer get it from girls, you come back to me. That’s just it right? You come back to me because I am some naive girl who cares about a boy who shattered her heart into pieces and danced on her grave. I can’t save you anymore. I need to learn how to save myself. I am that fucking broken because of you that you need to sort out your own head and what you really want. Because the saddest thing for me is continuing to fight for someone who no longer wants me. You need to come clean with all your lies because there is only so much more I can take before I finally snap. I’m not naive, I know how people can be but you were supposed to be different.

#last resort

[fahrminbrahmin]

ED Questions: nobody asked for this but im bored lmao

1. which eating disorder(s) do you have? 

tbh nobody has said a specific name to me drs just say either ‘eating issues’ or ‘eating disorder’ so ednos?


2. when did you develop your eating disorder?

this is hard to answer bc looking back ive shown signs since ~early teenage years but ive been fully aware of it for about 2-2.5 years


3. are you currently in recovery?

im in therapy, its bought up every other session but i tend to avoid mentioning it so yes and no


4. honestly, do you want to recover?

again, yes and no. I often h a t e feeling like this but?? the pros out way the cons at this point


5. how are you doing today?

unhealthily? great! lol i hit my next gw this week and p much all my cals have been from alcohol lmao healthily? p bad ive only eaten a cruskit and some lettuce & im kinda depressed these past days but hey! idc


6. 5 safe foods?

lettuce! so much lettuce i can easily go through a head a day. honestly, its the only thing i can eat without feeling any semblance of guilt.


7. 5 fear foods?

tbqh, its such a long list everything p much. at the height of my fear of food i saw the word protein and freaked the F out so protein


8. do you count calories?

yeah but im really good at lying to myself about how many calories ive actually eaten lmao


9. what is your max calorie limit?

i say 550, but anything over 250 makes me feel like utter shit but then again, anything makes me feel shit lol


10. what is your height?

5′3″ / 161cm 


11. what is your ultimate goal weight?

it was 49.5kg! but i hit that so its 48.7kg atm itll go down again tho


12. are you trying to lose weight?

absolutely yes


13. have you ever been called “fat”?

honestly i cant even remember if i have or not


14. have you ever been called “too thin”?

ive been called ‘small’ but not too thin. the dream tbh


15. what is your current goal weight?

48.7kgs


16. what was your highest weight?

when i first started weighing myself regularly, 61kgs


17. what was your lowest weight?

49.1kgs


18. do you wish you were back at your lowest weight?

im there rn 


19. does your family know about your eating disorder?

yes, i dont talk to a lot of ppl and p much everyone knows


20. do your friends know about your eating disorder?

yeah, one of my best friends was actually the first person i told


21. do you wish you didn’t have an eating disorder?

yes and no, i hate feeling like this toward myself and food. but ive always hated myself so this is an improvement so its a really happy side effect


22. have any “free foods”?

lettuce!! lettuce lettuce lettuce. and tea


23. how often do you weigh yourself?

every day when i wake up. id say morning but i have a shit sleep schedule lol


24. thinspo or bonespo?

neither tbh im more of a i-have-an-ed-more-to-harm-myself-less-to-be-thin kinda gal


25. biggest problem area on your body?

my chubby chubby cheeks. the great irony is that my ed gave me chipmunk cheeks which hasnt helped any but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 


26. favourite part of your body?

tbqh i like my waist. its not tiny but its p good imo


27. what kind of results do you want to see?

booooooones!!


28. do you purge?

:/ yeah


29. do you take laxatives?

yes but i have bowel problems anyway so its the constant struggle of do i take the reccomended amount or do i overdose lmao its always overdose


30. how often do you purge?

it goes in cycles, some weeks i purge every day, other weeks its could be 1-2 times a week.


31. do you binge?

by definition, no, but often times ill eat and say to myself its a binge


32. how long have you fasted for?

im SHIT at fasting, probably like 18-19 hours


33. who’s your biggest thinspiration?

hands around thighs really get me. also protruding rib cages thats the dream.


34. favourite eating disorder movie/show/documentary?

none! ive only seen maybe half an ed doc i cant get through one. But! I have a book of stories of girls w/ eds and there was one story about a white/polynesian girl with an ed with identity issues and she was l i t e r a l l y me i still have that book


35. favourite thinspo picture?

again, any pic of fingers touching around thighs. LUV it


36. can you post a photo of yourself/your body?

ive only posted 2 body checks lol, u can see them here


37. how does your eating disorder affect your life?

Im literally obsessed with food nd my body ive isolated myself from everyone/thing in my life and everything i do is a number i h8 it


38. what is your BMI?

currently, 19.1 
39. do you follow a diet?

yeah, as little calories as possible lmao


40. least favourite part about your eating disorder?

most if not all of it? its all i think about


41. has your eating disorder ruined any relationships?

yes? if we group my ed with all my other mental health problems, i isolate myself from everyone i havent seen one of my best friends in over a year so YA


42. do you have a “guilty pleasure” food? what is it?

c h o c o l a t e. it is very much a guilty pleasure lool


43. meanspo or sweetspo?

not about the whole concept tbqh


44. does anyone else in your life have an eating disorder?

the saddest part, most women i know have expressed r admitted to doing some really shitty stuff to themselves in order to be thin


45. ever been inpatient? 
/ 46. ever been outpatient? / 47. ever been in residential care? / 48. ever been in a psych ward?

nah but ive been threatened with it


49. are you currently in therapy?

yeah, individual therapy and DBT


50. what did you eat today?

a cruskit, 1 gummy lolly, ~4 leaves of lettuce and 3 glasses of wine lmao


51. are you scared about the holidays?

yes bc ill make a pavlova and ofc im gonna eat it rip :/


52. are your family/friends supportive?

kind of, if im in a healthy mind set i know they care but dont really know how to go about it. but they let me do a lot of shitty things to myself


53. have any other mental illnesses?

’severe social anxiety’, emotional disregulation, depression, maybe avpd and/or bpd?


54. looking for ana buddies?

nopenopenope ill never encourage this


55. what is your current weight?

as of this morning: 49.1kgs

#personal #eating disorder #eating disorder questions #ed tw #ana #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #t.txt

[maruramu]

chicago typewriter ep 15

tears sadness tears sadness tears, tears... tears everywhere ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ the drama's been giving us bits of the 1930s life of our trio since the start and that showed a great contrast to their present life. but for episode 15, they finally gave us a full-blown story of their youth in 1930s ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ a youth full of sadness, sacrifice, friendship, and love.. love for each other and for the country. it's so so so heartbreaking i had to pause a lot of times to stop myself from crying :-( (i still cant control my tears rn fml) here are some of my fave scenes in this episode: 1. hwiyoung crying while holding soo yeon's photo + reminiscing their moments FMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL this scene hurts so fucking much oh my god asjflsjfsl hwiyoung was concealing his emotions right from the start so it wouldnt be a hindrance as a leader of joseon alliance youth ( thumbs up for being so tough, leader-nim!!) but i literally died when he finally broke down his walls and showed us his fragile side ㅠ he suffered so much for everyone 😭😭 gotta love yoo ah in's acting here.. he brought out the best of this character 😭 2. yul confessing he's the leader and seeing soo yeon/anastasia suffering go kyung pyo's acting is so daebak ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ yul's character is so daebak ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ in this scene i realized how much yul and hwiyoung differs.. yul lets his emotions rule his decisions while hwiyoung doesn't let his emotions control him, he gotta stay tough and focus for their organization. yul let out his emotions til the very end, sacrificing their plans just to save the woman he loves :-( i wanted to smack him so he could get into his senses.. like WHY CANT U THINK FIRST BEFORE MAKING DECISIONS!!! some of yall mightve rolled their eyes in this cliche scene of choosing the person he loves but this!!!!!!! was a powerful scene!!!!! it showcased a whole lot more about yul's character that overshadowed that of hwiyoung's (also got me thinking that maybe the reason why he wasnt reincarnated bc he chose soo hyun over joseon omg) and also the scene where he told hwiyoung that he'll give up soo yeon in the next life so he should let him save her in this time made me cry buckets ㅠㅠ i need to see more of yul's life/character 3. soo yeon's "eye acting" + scene with madame sofia oh my god literally all praises for im soo jung!!!!!! the scenes where shes telling yul to hold on, to not say hwiyoung's name, was brilliant! ㅠㅠㅠ she swayed the scenes with her acting.. ahhhhh i couldnt get over it. heo young min also said he could see everything in soo yeon's.. he was right bc im soo jung facial expression made it so convincing im asjfkslfjslfjaljdlsAHDIWLALAL - also that emo scene when madame sofia said that ofc she would chose her son over joseon who hasnt done anything for her. omg that line's one of my fave ever. it was full of emotions i had to pause for like a few minutes hahaha and when soo yeon said she treated her like a mother and she wouldnt forgive her ever..... i feel so sad like imagine how her mom (in the present life) felt when she left soo yeon bc of this tragedy :(( they need have a major get together in the last episode or else im gonna kms 4. hwiyoung confessing to soo yeon + soo yeon's "don't go" + goblin comparison -EVERYTHING IN THIS SCENE FUCKED ME UP SO BAD I HAD TO PAUSE AGAIN TO DIGEST WHATS HAPPENING. this is one of the saddest confession ever.... the writer really loves torturing the audience oh my god.. imho this is even sadder than goblin's letting go scene.. why???? because in goblin, atleast kim shin and eun tak had enough time to show their love for each other.. or had moments together before they separated. but here, OH MY GOD THEY SPENT ALL THEIR YOUTH FIGHTING FOR THEIR COUNTRY, PUTTING ASIDE THEIR FEELINGS, TO THE POINT THAT HWI YOUNG COULDNT DO ANYTHING TO SAVE SOO YEON BC JOSEON ALWAYS FUCKING COMES FIRST. HE COULDNT EVEN TOUCH SOO YEON'S HAND FOR THE LAST TIME *CRIES* AND ONE OF THEM DIED WHILE ONE LIVING IN MISERY. SOO YEON'S SCREAMING DON'T GO MADE ME LOSE ME SHIT FOR REAL ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ AND THE OST PLAYING AT THIS MOMENT HYPED UP THE EMOTIONS OF THE SCENE ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ in goblin, euntak's memory vanished when kim shin disappeared, but she still felt constant pain and she didnt know why. but here imagine soo yeon living after the tragedy, knowing the love of her life died protecting joseon, not having any assurance of meeting him again, continue living with the memories deeply buried in her heart and mind ㅠㅠㅠ i couldn't even imagine her life alone without her beloved friends ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ this is the saddest of all the saddest shit i dont want to feel again ever 5. heo young min's villian acts - yo raise your hands up if ya think kwak si yang did a fantastic job being the villian!!!! in 1930s or in the present life, hes such an effective villian to the point that everyone hated him and also pitied him. i love love loveeeeeeeeeeeee him as heo young min tho i hated his antics lmao honestly one of my fave villians rn (still nam goong min in #1 spot haha) 6. hwiyoung's death - well, save the best for the last right????? i admire how hwiyoung sticked to his principles til the every end.. and love his lines here omGGGGG (kudos to the writer ilysm 😭) no more words to describe this scene *insert millions of crying emojis* 7. se joo + jeon seol's hugging scene - in the 1930s, hwiyoung died while yul saved soo yeon. hwiyoung gave up soo yeon for joseon 😭😭 in their present lives, yul saved se joo and se joo finally saved jeon seol ㅠㅠㅠㅠ i died again when se joo told jeon seol that for this time, he finally saved her omg *insert tears* the power of their friendship is no joke... ㅠㅠㅠ ok so this went so long omg those fave scenes are basically all of the important scenes in this episode hahaha im sorry but i just need to let it out since none of my friends irl are watching this drama yet 😭 anyways, still lots of things we need to see in the finale! it bothers me that the stalker's sister got out.... im thinking thats she cooking something badass lmao. do yall think we'll shed more tears in the last episode? p.s the ost automatically plays in my head when i see/read stuff related to chicago typewriter omg ajdkaldhalfbwl p.p.s my fingers are so tired after typing this sorry for grammatical errors 😂 im so hypedddddddsd i didnt double check

#when ranting felt so good #hahaha #my eyes huuuuuuurt #omg #and my heart #and my soul #chicago typewriter #ep 15 #rants #wooo #yoo ah in #im soo jung #go kyung pyo

[treago]

All evens stevens u fuck

Who have you hurt the most?

uh, no one, i am without flaws

also i dont know, probably this girl i didnt date.  I told her she was annoying in ways that are very specific to her personality

Who do you want out of your life the most?

happiness

Who had the biggest negative impact on you?

some teacher im sure, but i cant remember why

Who have you harbored (any kind of!) secret feelings towards?

like literally every girl i interact on the regular im like HEeeeeey you are very cute yes

Who do you wish you’d treated differently?

wish i was meaner to some of my old employees theyd have been fucking worthwhile

What’s your greatest fear?

dying and death

What’s your biggest regret?

not being more outgoing in the past, going to college in general, and/or not finishing college , not having a real interest in anything strongly enough to have a dream of a career

Describe your personal hell.

having to do something important with incompetent people when i could easily do it on my own and their incompetence is preventing me from doing it incredibly easily

What’s the most embarrassed you’ve ever been?

i guess this time i forgot people had have sex before and was like what the fuck do you know about sex

mostly because its the only time i remember being embaressed that is not recent..

What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?

when leda broke up with me

What’s the most hopeless you’ve ever felt?

when i was being kicked out of college

What’s the bravest you’ve ever felt?

sometimes i try new food, sometimes its in front of other people telling me to do it

What’s the worst case scenario for you future?

dead

What’s the most emotional pain you’ve ever felt?

leda broke up with me

Describe a time you felt like a traitor.

lots of my friends stopped being friends with each for no particular reason and i am friendly with everyone so sometimes i feel bad about

Describe a time you felt inhuman.

when i was getting my cyst taken out of the back of my leg i decided to look at the procedure and i saw a giant hole in my leg and thats so unsettling

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

cheated on a person after they cheated on me? idk

What’s your relationship with your family like?

pretty good.  Everyone is nice to one another for the most part.  We dont get in each others way much though

Talk about someone you’ve lost.

the only person ive lost is my grandmother on my mothers side but shes from puerto rico so i never saw her a whole lot.  I am person, mostly having not experienced loss 

Talk about a desire you have that scares you.

im worried that my love for titties will esclipse and blind me to characters flaws and ill get into a relationship thats terrible

What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?

well i know im capable of ignoring others feelings to a startling high degree that i hurt someone

Describe your worst heartbreak.

leda

Have you ever taken a fall for someone?

not that i can recall right now

Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?

no, i dont think, i dont fight people

Have you ever self-harmed?

no

Have you ever stolen something?

no

Have you ever been cheated on?

yes

Have you ever seriously considered killing somone?

no what the literal fuck

Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?

no

#bob-nixilis

[whenimsadandconfused-blog]

you deserve happines

*thinks what tags she should put for teens to see this 

i have never been in love. im not  really a romantic person. i am that boring person you see in the movies, you know that one nobody cares about ,its not the main but her story is still sad you wanna cry. somehow you feel bad for her and become grateful that you dont have that life. yes thats me. but im not in movies. i wish tho. it’s real life and im the main. i started my “speech” with love. and its probably really weird because i stopped and start to tell my sad story but i’ll go back to love in a minute. 

        so what  makes my life special and interesting you may ask?

well i’m sad all the time. i have low self esteem. but tbh i always try to be positive  and find good in everyone. i dont have that much words and im too lazy to tell my whole story but its pretty boring. i never get along with people, i overreact, i overthink , im overdramatic, super sensitive, i am not fake so thats why i dont get along with many. i hate fake people btw. life sucks, people suck blah blah blah..u get me. 

      well i have a notebook. i will not call diary okay. so legit 2 days ago i wrote motivational speech, how should i be grateful for everything i have , and how should i just take it easy and be happy. so it was like- how to not give a fuck speech, you can say. i was super pumped about it. i was like new year new me but new year started like 2 months ago. whatever. literally 20 minutes later my friend texted me. we have groupchat and shit gets down in here. we talk shit all the time not because we are mean. we have to deal with fuckboys and fakeis all the time okay? we dont gossip thats lame. so my friend showed me that one fuckboy texted her about me. welll its a fucking long story i don’t want to go there. idc tbh. i got real depressed real quick. and start lowkey cryin. (because im overdramatic like i said ) then i go to bed and start thinking about my life. (like always) and realized im not happy, an i have never been. im not including small things. im talking about real genuine happines. i have never felt that.  well its long story too (wtf whats the point of this blog then u may ask) but i have problems all the time. i dont get along with my family well. and im not ever lying we fight literally every day and that shit is tiring. im over it . well this story is already sad if you have a heart . because happines i think, is everyones goal. and i havent reach it (yet).  ye i started talking about love right? well like i sad i have never been in love. because im surrounded by homophobic ,racist , fuckboys that im not interested in. i didn’t even have a crush. but 3 or 4 days ago i found a boy on insta. (wow so romantic ) and the stalker i am, i found him on other social networks too and i stalked him so hard . well i dont even know what he looks like. because he does not show his face fully. i thing he’s insecure or something. but i fell in love with him so quick. because his posts is just so relateble to me . we have same interests and shit and he is just so cute. he has same taste in music and shit. and personality is just so hot to me. i dont even care what he looks like. and the end of my sad story is that saddest part is that i know for sure i can not be with this guy even if he knew me even if he liked me back. i can never be with him and with boys like him. im 17 and i dont get whats the point of living in this place like this. well i dont think about suicide at all . dont get wrong idea. but i just dont get it you know? 

           yeah whatever thats my story .. so tumblr i know .. blah blah blah.

   probably no one will ever see this and you will stay the lame you are.

 and if someone sees it , there are many grammar mistakes, i know because english is not my main language but im sure you get it what i wanted to say :) 

     you may think its long for you to read and i get it . read it or not idc 

#teenager #problems #relatable #love #happines #read it if you are not lazy